Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #526 - Felicia Michaels

Episode Date: October 19, 2017

Felicia Michaels, Comedian and director of the film, "Pervs" featuring past guests Susanna Lee, Felipe Esparza, and Sam Tripoli, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt in studio. "Pervs" will be a part of the LA Femme Film Festival on October 20th. LAfemme.org This podcast is brought to you by:   MyBookie.ag - Join now and MYBookie.ag will match your deposit with up to a 100% bonus of your first deposit up to $1,000. www.mybookie.ag. Use Promo code CHURCH to activate the offer.   Onnit.com - Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 10/18/2017.
  

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oh shit Wednesday the 18th today the devil was buried in sea oh shit here you go cocksuckers Felicia Michaels the Christ killer and your uncle Joey here we go kick that mule Lee I want fucking smoke coming out of the speakers the full effect of a smoke mushroom is coming to you that's right please to meet you I still won't tell you my name don't you believe in mystery don't you want to play my game I'm looking for a man to love me oh shit I've never been in love before I'm looking for a man that'll do it anywhere even on a fantasy war because you know I'm living in a fantasy my own little nasty world tonight don't you want to come with me do you think I'm a nasty girl

tonight I'm living in a fantasy my own little nasty world tonight don't you want to come with me do you think I'm a nasty girl I guess I'm just used to say love I think they got water on them oh shit I think they got more water upstairs and they got sugar on the candy cane what up you filthy animals uncle Joey here church of what's happened now thank you for joining us we got Felicia Michaels in house hello what's up you sexy savage oh everything Joey just being a mom trying to fucking write jokes now you got this little fucking movie in a festival congratulations thank you I have a documentary in a festival the documentary is called Purves and it's at the La Femme International Film Festival here in Los Angeles this Friday at the Regal theaters downtown at six o'clock so if you ain't doing dick come on down cock suckers it's in a real movie theater yeah that has to be like the dream of every anyone who's ever filmed anything it's like a real legit movie theater you get to have popcorn and it's like

it's like because everyone like you and it's it's cool too like if you're in a class or even if you have like a small screening but to be in like a movie theater we're like no for sure how much Star Wars in here this is for sure I was in a festival once it was like someone's fancy garage and you're like really yeah now they suck this this is a big one this is for me yeah it's nice there's a couple good ones in town that you go to you buy a pass and you catch like fucking eight movies yeah for sure for sure you get to see stuff you don't normally get to see sometimes it's a good thing sometimes it's a you like it you know that's what those things are for you get to see different fucking people you're down there spend a day I'm sure it's a women's festival right it is a women's festival for women directors and producers and so Susanna Lee who is in the movie who was on the podcast very funny chick she's kind of the star of the movie

and she also helped me produce it so I was like I should totally submit to this festival and we got in I was I was shocked because the movie is pretty dirty so I was pretty surprised that it got in you know it's not that it's dirty it shows apart it shows listen you see strip clubs mainstream you watch movies right you watch movies all the time somebody they're always going to a strip club there's always a hooker involved there's always a chick we were watching payback there they were Lucy Lou oh god when she whips oh yeah all that shit is great but you never see the crack of porn and the crack of porn is the dollar thing the book four quarters in the fucking boot and the window goes right people fucking funny it was only a dollar when I was a child when I was 11 you know you played hooky and you went down a 42nd Street

and you if you were an asshole like you went into the they had these stores that sold IDs and then they also sold maps to the best porno places in Manhattan like 1970 you go to that was the Epicorps center of sex like a you know it was that in Las Vegas 42nd Street in New York which where you walk down now and you see all these fucking Disney things that was the Epicorps sex when you got off that bus I poured authority right across the street from that was with a laugh factory one and years ago right yeah before that was that was porn world or sex world isn't that Times Square yeah that's Times Square and when you walk down that thing I used to get off that fucking bus you know and come into from Jersey and I'd get off that thing and I'd stop there and you know me do I get a hot dog at eight in the morning I don't give a fuck I see an Arab

with those fucking tales they sell those cat tails they sell on the stick and they put and they put a little piece of bread on there you put some Frank's hot sauce you kill all the germs you're good to go for $2 I would stand and eat those and watch who would go in there and who would come out of that and that's where I was wrong it wasn't the crack of porn it was executives that going there get there fucking you can't get your dick sucked in there it's a pool place it's a pool place a year it's one man show unless some some little gay guys in there and you get talking with the suck me a dick for $3 with a nice right that's it I'm telling you the truth no so how old were you the first time you actually get into a place like that really and they just would let you in or you have to sneak in or listen

it was 1970 something yeah what they didn't see they didn't know and they didn't want to know so you walked in and there was a guy with been those tokens he'd have a belt on like a construction would make the change to those tokens so if you're a if you're 13 and you go in there with a dollar building I take it the fuck out of there but if you're 13 you walk in there with a 20 yeah money talks bullshit so I would get Lee's five my five your son's five and the other five and we go over there and that's how you five give me a 20 because when I walk in he's gonna give me change you guys gonna be walking behind me they wouldn't proof you so as long as the guy was busy what I just tell you well he didn't see he didn't want to see so if you were getting stabbed in the corner in those days

he wouldn't look up he would keep making your change right it was one of those dirt that that was the place right there on 8th Avenue I'm telling you that that was it it was so when you went in did you go by yourself or with your friends the first time the first time four of us played hooky you know you're in the 8th grade you got that shitty weed from high times you know high time sells imitation weed in the back in the 70s they did they did so you would send the 395 and then you got back to Sweden didn't you and your buddies plant this play hooky and smoke this weed when you went to smoke you got fucking be fully shift fuck now what we're gonna do we have plans let's go into the city uh-huh so you took a bus into Manhattan you know here you are in the 7th grade how old are

you in the 7th grade 12 yeah 12 or 13 and we'd walk right to Port Authority and it was like your sensory overload of your ears once you hit Broadway okay so you got off the bus on 8th Avenue and you went to the corner we'd be giggling four or five or six kids then you crossed the street the 42nd Street and you walked up when you came around that turn on the Broadway there was 50 yards there where you heard it was mind-boggling I wish you know I had the audio from those days but this is exactly what you would hear you ready Marijuana acid THC heroin perico perico perico Marijuana cocaína oh yeah dengo heroina in Spanish and English you would hear this for five minutes while you were walking I never forget walking through the city with my mother like to go see a

Disney movie like the love bug and those five minutes were treacherous and the cops wouldn't do nothing to you New York City was an adventure for a child and once you hit Broadway it was a complete different city so once you went through 50 yards of money on a heroin cocaine I got pills dog I got pills dog now you stepped into three-card Monty land so it was two or three blocks of three-card Monty are actors and they wouldn't stop when kids were nearby that was part of it they wanted to cotton the kids yeah kids you think we were pussy is the way we are they didn't give a fuck you know 30 years ago you would smoke when you're kidding the car oh yeah 40 years ago yeah 40 50 60 years ago no see you would smoke while you were pregnant you know and give your

kid paint chips and they were fine are you kidding when my mom was pregnant with my brother they she was overweight they prescribed speed so she would lose weight while she was pregnant and then he was like a hyperactive kid yeah so you it would be New York City would be wild but to get back to Felicia's question you would tear the back I would give everybody their $5 in tokens because they gave you special tokens but they were worth like a quarter of piece and basically you got like I don't know I'm just gonna throw a number at you maybe you got 30 seconds per token oh really yeah so here you are with finals with the tokens did that do all four of you no no no we go into different boots and then you lock the door you walk in and your feet would sink

into a half inch of sperm that they just couldn't wipe up so many people jerk off in there at such a high rate that the sperm would colligulate and you would walk in there they'd be like you ever walk in the snow after it's four days old like you're there's different points I'm not kidding you and before you went in there remember Lee before you went in there's how disgusting you're none of this sounds fun no no no but it is fun it is fun when you're 12 okay when you're 12 and you see a guy come out of a room and a little immigrant walking with a fucking with hot water and wipe up to come in and then he puts it back in the thing and he goes go right ahead you know like you're like oh my god would you tip him like a token or so no go away you wipe and come up for a fucking lemon you can't

you're not even invited to the conversation what do you do for a lemon I'm a janitor at a come house that was this guy's he got eight bucks an hour insurance you know insurance it was and you know hot water and it was steam and lead so the hot water would go in he'd just plop it on the come like this and then put it in the thing and squeeze it and then you go in there you put your token in there and the fucking scream would pop up okay so there would probably be if it was eight and if it was ten in the morning oh my god if it was ten in the morning and there's already like a collagulation of come on the thing oh it's open 24 hours oh and then we never close we're like fucking the Vatican we don't close down like the comic store someone probably drowning there once yeah no no no Lee and if you went in there at

six it was chicks that were hooking that fucked all night long and now went in there for the last twenty dollars and they would be all high and shit and some guy would be putting a dick in the mouth and she would be on a circular bed that wasn't even made it was like a circular bed that was in the peep show in the peep show so you you either went to the peep shows were either singular or plural the plural ones were a circle so you could I could see Lee oh no I can look at Lee and see Lee looking at your pussy vibrating as he jerked off and then out and then on the way walking home Lee I saw you jerking off and I didn't jerk off I swear to God smell my hand you know we'd have the creepiest conversation to twelve year old it's amazing how stupid you are twelve smell my hand yeah I didn't jerk off smell my hand

you know it was fucking crazy but then they had the glass they had first let me be clear on this they had the shield that went up and there was a bulletproof glass okay but then there was if you went into 42nd Street and you went in those those are the ones with everything popped up and you could stick your head and she could come over and let you suck a tit finger you know you could finger while you jerk off but you had to like put your arm in this little glass okay she would have to get like a milk cart like a like in the bank and you would be fingering jerking off you could suck a titties you could lick her asshole like she would have to bend over on the milk cart and she had just got she had just gotten in from a I never went to that one where the head popped up I never went in with a glass popped

it right but so we went the first time we went back to Jersey talked about Jesus Christ bro they fuck right in front of you come on you're lying you're fully shit no man they fucking front of you that's made of wood that spins I tell you that so we go around while the guy was fucking her so what do you have to move his feet like every no no he was actually on the platform with her would spin around and she'd be on heroin and he'd just be fucking and she wouldn't know where she'd be and then while he was fucking her there'd be three chicks going around like if a bunch of chicks came then it was like a suckathon suck my tit for a quarter you know you could suck a chicks tit for a quarter but then I went back we started going back back back and I went with a kid who today is a cop

in San Diego and this fucking knucklehead stuck his head in and didn't put enough quarters in so the thing closed and they had a call on ambulance we all left him there we didn't know nothing I still remember them dragging him out where are you guys we don't know nothing we just ran God how would you like that hanging on you for the rest of high school so that was the bottom level when you made the turn up Felicia I'm looking in the eye and I'm telling you this because you have boys and I just wanted to let you know how happy you didn't raise your boys in New York at this time so now as you walked up as you got close to Caroline's I didn't know it was Caroline's I'm not going to sit I don't know nothing about me though I give a fuck about comedy but as you got up in those streets

all those bars where those bars right come in there'd be a black guy outside or a hot chick and you go come on in Felicia do you know how many times they drugged us in when we were 7th and 8th grade really yeah and you go right up to the bar you guys all looked to griff hell yeah we all looked to drink and strippers come right up to you and sit next to you and you could feel their leg we would be like fucking 12 and these women were 40 they had been flowing nice for years they were at the tail end of the hooking career you could feel their leg and then they go we could have a date but you have to buy me a bottle of champagne there was a little little bottle okay and here you are in the 7th grade they come back with a $41 time and you're like give me that you ain't drinking that $40 I ain't got $40 then they would throw you out

right we did that at all those places yeah where they would call us and think about that that's how raw yeah New York City was in the 70s I can I can imagine that joy because when I I'm an Army brat so I grew up in Berlin my mother was from Berlin my father was in the service and when they got divorced we lived on the street called Putzdamerstrasse which was like one of the main streets in Berlin and in the 70s it was at the same time as what you're talking about there were prostitutes and hookers all over the place and it was like just out in the open and one time I was walking home from school or something and this prostitute ran to catch the bus but you know you could tell she's a prostitute and her necklace fell off and I picked it up and I gave it to my mom for Mother's Day I still have that fucking necklace from some hooker in Berlin

but it but it was very raw back then raw they didn't know how old you were yeah yeah you know in those days a lot of kids I hung out with their dads would take them into the city to get laid for the first time just to get out of the way that's kind of weird that was very big back then nobody ever did it with me at what age 14 oh no that's could really a lot of kids I grew up with what about the poor prostitute $50 is $50 maybe they she didn't do it a lot maybe they didn't do it a lot because they got there maybe they had the real young ones do it like I can't imagine like a 30 year old I'm sure they drug out the old days when I was growing up especially when I was growing up in Manhattan Spanish families a lot of the Spanish for the dads would take them right down they get laid

to get it out of the way so that's it we don't have this problem going on you want to fuck your brother well it's you know sexuality is so weird right like like I see when you when you're a mom and you have kids and you see like like one child is more sexual in nature than another child who's to say like what is a deviant behavior in sex and what is not deviant behavior in sex and to bring it back to the movie when Susanna Lee who's a comedian and sex worker on the side she was working at the Venus fair show there a peep show it's the last working peep show in the Los Angeles County area because a lot of that stuff is going away you know and she's like I want to do this I have this idea for a web series I want to interview comedians and we want to talk about deviance and sexuality and all that do you want to

be a part of that and I was like yeah I want to be a part of that I think that's really just out of the park and as a lot of people kind of know I was a stripper when I was 18 so for me it was like fuck yeah I want to go see the inside of one of those I want to go and then she had a girl that was filming it but the girl didn't know what she was doing and then before I went for my interview she said oh no we can't do it because it's fucked up all the footage they had Margaret show and everything got screwed up and I said if I bring you know fund it will you let me direct it and so that's how I got into doing pervs and so we made made this web series starting to make it and we have a Paul Provenza you came and did it Felipe Esparza came and did a lot of women Lori Kilmartin came and did all these people came

and did it and it was such an interesting thing because you would like Jimmy Schuber did it you would think there would people that could come into the booth and be interviewed by a comedian about comedy and deviance and she gives them a peep show at the same time you would think how boisterous some of the guys are that they'd be able to deal with it and was really cool to see who can really deal with it and who can't and who is a secret perv and who isn't you know what I mean and it's so way different than what you expect like you're talking about your friend that is now a policeman in San Diego like you guys went through this really creepy deviant teenage period and how for some people it's not their lifestyle even though they experiment with it and and I can't even imagine being 13 and 14 and my first time at

sexuality is at a place like that I can't even imagine what do you take away from that how fucked up it must make you in a sense right but all of that to me is so fascinating and not even that you just saw sex because that would have blown my mind but like porn stars for the most part are very like good looking you saw like people were drugged up like what did the guy look like the guy couldn't have been a model he must have been on drugs too right it was just you know I ordered porn like a little you know when I lived in Jersey those kids were active active in every single way that home neighborhood and it was always like we're always up to something and that was one of the things we were up to we went after porn again when we were younger Felicia and I you could go into a back of penthouse and get three what super

rate oh right right super rate it was called real real 3.0 movies for $20 and they sent you a little fucking makeshift projector that was a piece of shit so that was another thing we did we ordered that one time and we took it up to my attic and we watched them and it was I wish that porn was still around to show people what porn from the late 60s and 70s look like was not gentle it was just horrific it was that stuff was horrific it was just mortifying the more I think about it today I'm like yeah I even wrote a bit about it that gave it a little justice I liked a bit because I would say Jesus I gave that such a funny take but it wasn't funny it was so unfunny that one of the younger kids in the room started crying like that's how unfunny it was like the guy's dick was big she put fucking jelly on it and put

two pieces of white bread on his dick her tits had been sucked out Felicia they look like men's tits like look like my chest she must have been 23 you know she didn't she wasn't missing teeth but she had an overbite you could hear the director giving her instructions like suck the dick like she would have like it was crazy yeah and then he would put the dick in her face and then she would grab it and the guy's dick was gigantic like that's when they made super dicks like 16 inches like this thing was this big and that's what they settled on her putting jelly and peanut butter and jelly getting a piece of like she put two pieces of bread out and there was still six inches hanging out of his right like that's how big this guy's dick we all sat there like that at all and that was that do you think when you guys were

doing it at that it's obviously you have a tremendous curiosity right and an area but do you think that it got to the point where you guys were ordering films and doing all that just because it's one one upping each other and just no we do it we do it together as partners all those little scams but just egging each other on you like and then we got as we like once we got the freshman year that's the same crew was together and now we'd add now we'd raise the stakes on that trip which not angel dust geez and then watch porn no go into the city okay got you now then go get some porn is 614 year old maybe 115 year old on angel dust which is just a blur so then I would go listen what do you want me to raise the stakes more all right here's what do you leave Felicia I'll see you

I'll see you guys later what do you mean me Carlos and Jimmy and I go this way we'll meet you at 4 o'clock at Bordet Daria the 181st Street it's 48th Street we're gonna meet you in 3 hours now it's 11 we're gonna meet you in 5 hours we take the 8 trains kids you know many things could happen to you you have any fucking idea Felicia 8 trains getting on the 8 train to the Bronx with junkies nodding you're on the train with three of us like giggling and shit but I've been going to the city since the 5th grade 4th grade that was what I did on the weekends my mom had no fucking idea what would you do up there in the city when I was at Bronx walk around slice of pizza like you have no fucking idea what can happen to you up there in those days do you just say you snorted angel

dust first yeah we snort angel dust first we got into angel dust the end of freshman year talking like it's normal but then it was huge it was $10 for a bag and three people to get high I mean fucked up what kind of what kind of high was that like Gumby meaning ten valium it's like eating a bunch of valium and also in your life is flashing like the whole day is just flashing like you just flashing you're fucking high you know your Gumby that's what we call it Gumby dust you were just Gumby yeah and we'd walk those streets in New York getting involved in three card monty's taking a train get off by see the sign I have 165th street we'd walk around there and we'd see if we get weed let me fucking things that happen to you

when you're 13 you're trying to get fucking weed in the city and we get it and then we go up to the platform they would show up we go to OTB off track betting going there you know many things that happen to you that's pedophile Ville right off track betting is pedophile Ville what's in that time period what's the worst trouble you guys ever got into and not trouble like where you got caught but the worst situation where you had fear of like this is at those strip clubs when the women would lure you in and you go in there and sit next to them at the bar and then they come in a bottle of champagne those bottles are 20 something bucks man and the fucking bouncers will go what the fuck you guys don't have no money empty your fucking pockets

so we go in there with money already in our socks like we were just fucking you know crazy at that age you know we but I still remember like just we've talked about those peep shows before that was why when you did the film I was very interested I go wow and that was an older style that one had a thick bulletproof glass yeah it had a glass at the machine when the last time we've seen the machine where you stick the money in and what the great thing about that movie like we had Rick Shapiro and when we started assembling it for the web series there were some people like there was a guy Ed Galvez he giggled through the whole thing like to me he was like Lee he just giggled through like you couldn't even talk

to him because he just couldn't stop giggling it was like here is a grown-ass man and he would and would just giggle Jimmy Schubert was just you know as as orange as a carry look like Donald Trump that's how embarrassed he would get but it turned it turned out that there were some people because people are pretty funny about the stories and talking about deviants and then Rick Shapiro do you know Rick Shapiro yeah so Rick Shapiro did the interview and his interview was so real and he talked about how he because he was kind of a deviant living in New York as a young kid and he had a lot of stuff happening to him and he talked about during that time period about being kind of his father was physically abusive against

him and how it turned him into a deviant and and and when I talked to Susanna after that and when we looked at the footage it's like God I really can't use this in like a comedy web series because it's it's kind of heartbreaking to even watch and then Susanna was like you know when we did that that moment had the most effect on me because it made me understand because when she when we got everyone to do it right because I as a former stripper from when I was younger you know here I am filming someone who's a comedian who's going to show everything to all comedians that she respects and have this conversation with them and as a woman I have to be very generous to what she's comfortable with and what she's not comfortable

with and the amount of trust that she had to have six seven cameras on her while she's completely naked in this mirror you were there it's like a completely mirrored semi circle and with glass and everything so nothing gets hidden and to go through that experience and and to see someone really be profoundly affected by Rick Shapiro's story and understanding why she's deviant and you know I can't just throw any slob in front of her she's doing a very personal thing she didn't want to interview Rick Shapiro at first because Rick was kind of known as a crazy guy and could go off and she got really nervous about and I was like no this guy's from the street we got to get people that are from the street that understand what you're doing and

and want to appreciate it and when he came he was so generous to her and spirit and about sharing a real story where other people didn't want to be you know sometimes you get people right on your podcast and you want to end they're like all jokie jokie all the time you're like you want to have a real fucking conversation every once in a while right so that's kind of what it was where he was having the real conversation and it totally shifted the project and then when we were looking at it I was like we can't use this in the web series but maybe we should put this in as a documentary film about you revealing yourselves as your real person and what you do and and your struggle in comedy and and how everyone perceives you and what how everyone's

deviant how everyone's deviant in a different way you know what I mean how everyone's little twist is different your twist is way different than Lee's twist right you know but to explore that and and to have women go sit through it and have a discussion about it too as well as men as well as you know someone who's gay or whatever the situation is and it turned out into a really cool project so it's very curious when people start talking about their first experiences with sex like my ears open up wide because then having boys and hearing you talk about these stories when my boys started looking at porn on the computer and the therapist is like you you got to really supervise that and try to shut it down as much as possible because it really affects you

do you think going through this pre-life effected through sexuality let me tell you something with me it even you know I grew up in a man's bar my mother had a man's bar so the comments you know when I was 10 they were already shooting comments at me you know little you're still pissing sweet what are you doing you know how South Cubans ask you are you coming yet you know like they would say you got a girlfriend yeah what's going on so it lifted my curiosity that's when it lifted my curiosity when I was a kid and those people asked me creepy fucking questions you know it was just I was always an innocent before that I knew about it I knew about you know I knew about getting your dick sucked in the first grade because the kids in New York would

talk about mm-hmm you know that was the time that was the era where kids are going and I I kissed some girls titties for a quarter one time in the playground she put one of those 45s you know like we were in the park and she's like for a quarter I'll let you kiss it I was like Jesus Christ for a quarter I kissed it I remember going home scratching my head the rest of the day when I give a quarter for that what happened right you know what do you think is going to happen you know like then then I was cool with it and then that shit and then all of a sudden at like the age of 12 they open up this valve on you like this valve opened up on me and shortly after that I fell in love but I didn't like the whole sexual thing about it I really

loved this girl in fact all I did when I was dry I never sucked the titties nothing I could have taken the titties I've never sucked the titties never fingered her every time I would touch her would be through the jeans you know I'm saying so I wasn't really because of the cat the Catholic part of me yeah he's fucked up don't worry about it noises and make grunts yeah I started the Catholic part of me challenging me yeah so the Catholic part of me was scaring me I already heard shit on the street we got to investigate this but not really yeah you follow me I'm gonna investigate this but very mildly I'm not gonna be like the other fucking savages right and it was now that you talk about it the different age things like

and okay when I got to McKinley when I got thrown out of Catholic school I went to McKinley school so I was there the 6th grade the 7th grade I used to hang out on the 26th street side and there were these two kids that would work during the week at their fathers whatever whatever they were 13 and whatever they worked Monday through Friday and on Saturdays they get up and tell that mom they were going to Bergen line to buy clothes but not really they would get on a bus and head through the Bronx or Brooklyn and go to different prostitute houses and they would come back to school on Monday so we were young kids how old were those kids 7th grade wow yeah and his brother was a little slow his brother was a little half a momo but

in those days they didn't put you in different classes they just put it together but since they were Cuban they didn't really get learned the language they were both in the 7th grade together even though Alberto was older than Juan but on Mondays we would gather around them and they would tell us the most disgusting stories you ever heard in your life and Juan would be the narrator but his brother would just go yeah oh yeah oh yeah and they would break down the whole thing how they would walk into a house and the chick would approach him and then she'd bring him into like a bigger type room and him and his brother could pick the girls then they'd go into different rooms and the chick would take a bucket out and wash

his dick scrub it down no condom oh my god yeah no condom I don't think this soap doesn't it this is 1977 yeah yeah we were we were still 7 years away from AIDS yeah you know we had college of AIDS what we thought was we either get crabs that other shit you got and you went to the doctor they gave you pills and you were back to slinging a dick with a little weird smell to your dick you know what I'm saying so that was it so they would tell us how they would go there and get I remember him saying around the world the first time I fucking died all after that was the first person ever that I heard in that term I go so what do you he goes $10 they fuck you straight they get on top you fuck you till you come you come

in them for an extra $2 or you could wear a condom like you know just fucking different prizes yeah and then and then I go like what else and then they go for like 15 you can eat them for 20 25 you're getting around the world he goes I did that one time it was uncomfortable you know it was just for 20 you getting around the world yeah I wonder whatever happened to those boys I don't know yeah nothing good I lost contact with them in high school they were they were like mechanics or something they were very good with their hands yeah so but but that's how we're talking about the main thing was that lifted everybody around just curiosity but now we decided how we were going to do it you had no options I

could do it like them I could go to one of those clubs in the city or I could just get a girlfriend you follow me so that's that's part of being 13 now you decide how you want to do it that tells a lot about you at the age of 13 or 14 you know me I was scared of all that stuff yeah I was petrified well it's scary I never talked about it I avoided the conversation yeah like after the porn movie I was done yeah I was done and then years later I got involved in a car ride I couldn't get out of it was the kids birthday and as I'm going they go into the 1040 club yeah so now I'm in the car with them and that was it I lived it fully that night that was the most disgusting thing that's ever happened to me

that was I paid ten dollars to get raped yeah like I left there I didn't want to have sex for a year or two like that's it well that's the also and I don't mean to deflect from your story because that reminds me no because in I had a look at it that way I haven't looked at it that way in a long time because in the movie Jean Pampa shares a story about going to a kid's house and it was a brother and a step sister a step sister and that the brother would make this and they were only like a year or two apart I think they were like 1213 14 ish and how they had sex and then they kind of made Jean have sex or whatever and the way he was telling the story it was a funny story but at the end of the story you're like

fuck dude that's molestation like that is you guys are fucking each other up you know what I mean and obviously something's going on at that house if they're dragging someone else into it but when you when you when men talk about things that happen they tend to romanticize it and make it funny but then when you have them in an intimate moment and they're sharing the story with you and the funniness goes away you're like no that's someone really molested you you know and I don't mean it like everyone's molested and everyone's right I'm just saying it's no it's a different it's a different you don't even get what you're doing when I went to the 1040 club it was such a shocking experience

that it you know like it was like that that's too real for me yeah I wasn't ready for it's like when I bought master reality by black Sabbath I really like him but there's a little too real for me right now my mom just died I just did fucking crystal fucking THC the exorcist is on the other TV this is a bit fucking happy right now when I went over to say that night and I saw that degree of prostitution that night as a 16 year old let's let's let's let's clock that 16 year old a fucking comedy store main room take the tables out take the stage out put two bartenders at each corner selling the four light alcohols and soda tastes like shit they cut the booze and 200 guys waiting to get their dick sucked and there's 40 women

in there it was fucking traumatizing yeah and I also learned about men if there was 200 men in there 180 of those guys that were very braggadocio these are the guys in the corner that would never fuck a prostitute that everybody wants to suck their dick they all had cologne on they all were done to the nine spectacular you know I'm saying like they will shave their hairs and I learned a lot that night on the other side yeah of about a braggadocio man that they hear they are paying $10 just how I am and I'm not even sexually experienced these were the guys that were always sexually experienced and they had women eating their fucking ballsack and you know and all this shit and here they are standing right next to me waiting

for the same fucking dirty pussy I'm waiting on yeah like I left that night disgusted in manhood and disgusted in women like that whole night just shocked me like and it was great it was a great age to get disgusted at yeah at that time I was maybe yeah like I said 16 maybe set down I wasn't driving yeah I wasn't driving it just said I know for my own self my introduction to sex was all within my own control because my parents which I feel very fortunate about and have a fun and fond memories of being a little kid and my parents had in this box in the hallway closet true detective magazines and playboys and I can remember from the age of like 8 to 12 going in and then once I found it you know going in and just

looking at the pictures and really digging and I'm not into chicks anyway but just really thinking how beautiful they were and how like excited it made me feel you know what I mean and so I love that I had that introduction gentle introduction to sex like I have a friend who her experience with that obviously was way way different and I'm always curious like how does it affect people later in life their sex life later and when I was 18 and I started stripping for me it didn't because I had such a my parents weren't weird about sex and it was out in the open my mother was German so like when I was a kid we go to the park people sunbathe with her boobs hanging out in Germany when I was a kid in the 70s and and so growing

up and and without shame involved with sex is a powerful thing and when I was a stripper it it wasn't a negative for me it was an empowering thing for me you know what I mean because I didn't have a lot of power growing up and my parents got divorced you know everyone has a sob story right but to at that time as a girl no one gave a shit what you said or what you thought you were just you know stupid girl and to then become at the age of 18 a stripper and to understand the guys are like your cigarettes yeah the power of rubbing your feet they're suddenly fucking listening to you I mean what out in one ear not the other that's a really empowering thing and what was so curious to me when Susanna

was first talking about doing this project was like I'm so interested in that with other people you know like what her experience of that is and because she's been doing like a burlesque or stripping or other stuff and I'm very curious how it why are you laughing but how it affects her and affects how people see her you know what I mean the whole project was so interesting in that way. Speaking of effect guess who came to my show Saturday in Tampa? Who? My ex-girlfriend the stripper. Really? It's a millionaire. Yeah. And how's she doing? You know she's always been a sweet kid but I'm no fucking Dexter Dexter you know I never

claimed to be fucking Mel Gibson or what's the other guy Zach what's the good looking guy? Is that guy from? Yeah I'm no Zach guy. Boy she looked rough. Oh really? Didn't you say she's still stripping? I think she's still a stripper once. Really? But I can't see anybody giving her a dollar. Yeah. But you just give a change. It was not more than. When I was a stripper when I was 18 there was this woman and she was like 50 and she would also always dance to Men at Work the Down Under song or whatever. I just met them. Oh you did? One guy lives on Lowell Canyon. Oh you did? My kids party like a kids party. He was the guitar player when I looked them up I'm like wow. But she would always

wear like that weird bathing suit and she was like 50 something years old and just a little roly-poly lady and she would dance to that Men at Work and you'd be like fuck I don't want to be that chick. Scary. You know even the wrestler she was great in that. She played it really cool. She knew she was over the hill when she was competing but she was still in there and I was selling that little ass and one night they just got through and she quit a job but she did it. It's a what a weird thing to do or not to do. Like you and I have had this discussion for years of longevity of a stripper. You know it's three years and you get the fuck out of there. You can't do it longer than getting a degree somewhere.

A new house. But there is a toll. I see the toll. Drugs and alcohol that shit speeds up your life bad. Quick. You know quick. You go from zero to fucking 60. You know women we see it. All that shit's always shocked me. I think that would ruin me sexually was those years of doing coke and fucking having sex. Oh really? Yeah I'm sure. I think those years fucked me up because that blow after six in the morning when you're just throwing them around I would just throw whoever I was with I'd just throw them around. I wouldn't even talk. I was just an animal. You just put them in the position and fucking like they're at whatever. And then years later you can't do that shit no more. They throw you

in jail for that type of shit handcuffing people. I gotta do it for a decent time. Well when you guys were talking about walking into the glory hole place in New York City and how your feet would sink into it reminded me the first time I walked because of the first place I've worked out I did a wet t-shirt contest at the peppermint lounge and the first time I walked in there and my feet hit the carpet it was exactly that where your foot where you could hear your foot crunching right it's crunchy but sticky at the same time it's like and it smells that's the worst smell on the planet. Without those places and you know I went in there and jerked off a few times. I mean sometimes you go in there

after a good coke binge the whole night and you got that old sperm in your nut sack. You thought you were gonna bang this chick but also she was five in the morning when she had a period and just started she didn't think it was a good idea so you're like fuck I just know that an eight ball wouldn't she throw a curve ball at me so I gotta find another victim and you get off the bus in New York and you're like sex and your mind starts racing and you go in there but I also would stand outside and just look at the people that were going there. Like right now okay where you shot this was considered North Hollywood. It's North it's way deep in North Hollywood on languishing okay. I believe it or not

if you have a conversation with Susanna she has regulars that you go in there you know and I guarantee you the best out of ten regulars seven and a half of them are married. Oh I'm sure yeah and you sit there and look and go okay well what a married guy wanna go and go into a booth with a chick maybe spend 22,000 singles to talk to her. You're not really gonna have sex with her right? Right. You're on the other side of the glass. You're on the other side of the glass. She plays with herself. You take your dick out. Yeah. I can't take my dick out no more because now I think there's always a camera. See 30 years ago I take my dick out everywhere. Oh yeah I take that goose out and show it to

you fuck let's get the party started what the fuck. Oh yeah I was one of those guys. 28 to 35 I just took the helmet out and cleaned the lint off right in front of you. I was like Jesus. I take the lint out of the turtleneck right in front of you. I was like I'm laughing because I've seen your dick many times. Hilarious how hilarious how you can't even take your dick out no more show it to somebody. Let's say what else are you gonna do like give me the shot Columbus did. Well you know what's so weird about that place is at the Venus Fair the backdrop of where the men are sitting is actually marble white black marble with white streaks on it.

Oh my God. Did they do this by design? Oh my God. Felicia's down to party like Felicia took the picture for this for the documentary camera. Oh that's right of your penis. Oh that's right that's right and you know what CD. Yeah no I come with my nuts. CD? Yeah that's one of those things. I think I thought it was a documentary. One of those I don't even know. We went to the church. We snuck into the church and took pictures there. But we didn't do the penis picture in the church. No we did it in my garage in the corner. And the way I said it Tygo Felicia got a minute to get your camera.

You never tell nobody nothing. When Felicia turned around I had my pants down and I had my dick hidden and I just had my nuts hanging there. And she just looked at them for a second trying to figure out the lighting. Don't let me get it in focus. There was no hesitation at all. And she kept saying Joey don't move. Don't come to us. Oh and I had those pictures on my computer and then one day my kids saw them and they were like what the fuck. I was all like it's a long story. Do you have them labeled? Do you know who they were? I think I might have actually told them because they were like who are you going out with.

And I think I said oh Joey had me take a picture. I think I told them which was probably not comforting at all. They were like my mom. Oh my god that's so hilarious. Oh my god. Anyway so but that place there is so crazy. And to have cameras going and people come in while the cameras were going and go into the other rooms with the other girls. It's like you could point they don't care. They want to get in there get their business done. But it's a very interesting dynamic for sure. You don't have to take your dick out of these places. Oh for sure. Oh yeah. Please for sure for sure.

It's encouraged. Yeah for sure. The more your dick comes out the more dollar bills come in. Yeah but they. Prove in fact. But they have signs up that say no masturbation but that's what everyone does. What are you supposed to do just take it out and just that's weird. They do it right there and there yeah. You've been a stripper and then you've also been married. And you were talking about how some of his regulars were married. What's your opinion on going to strip clubs when you're married. Well because I'm at my age where I am it's completely different.

My opinion now as opposed to my opinion being like 30 and married. Gotcha. Just having a baby. I probably have pretty poor opinions about it. But to me it's kind of it's I think it's different in different cultures that you're in. And I think I'd be more angry about the money being spent than I would about you know meeting your guy friends there and having a drink and you know getting a table dance. Like yeah that's kind of weird but I'd be okay. And I've been on the other side of it. But I think I would be if I was married in that situation and someone habitually did that.

I'd be more mad about the money being spent because it's a lot of money. Right. How much money do people usually. You lose spend. Well it's all different because when I did it I'm no spring chicken so it was in the late 80's and so it's all different all over everywhere. Oh okay. Yeah. Have you been to a strip club right. How much did you spend. No.

You've never been to a strip club. No. Are you serious ever. I just want to pee. I haven't been up to about three months. That's my little spot. Where is that. Off the lower canyon victory.

Yeah. It's open till five. And when you go in what do you do. What's like do you have a whole process. I'm fucking embarrassed. Yeah. It's like. Do you sit at the bar.

Shout out the ladies first. There's always those guys. There's no bar. There's like a bar where they sell water. So you go over there. You got to get a bottle of water in the receipt and you sit there and you just watch and it's fucking. I don't know.

I don't even know how to describe it. When you go there. It doesn't get hard. So I get to dance or something like that. You know. So when you go there like what is the purpose of doing that. Is it to relax. Is it.

Yeah. To relax. No. I'm totally serious. Somebody's fucking pussy. Yeah. That you haven't seen before. I know.

But that's relaxing. Right. No. Maybe you ate an animal and went the wrong way. You know what I'm saying. Yeah. When you ate it you were mad at your kid or something. Now you're in the mood to see somebody's fucking pussy that you haven't seen before.

And you go to the store and you have this burst energy guys. And you know what man. I went from one extreme in my life to the other. Like I was one guy that would. You didn't know when I was coming in. That was just me. I could walk in a 10. I could walk in a two in the afternoon.

Or I could walk in a three that night. You know. Now I'm home at 10 o'clock. Like that's a Lee. We got home at 11. 15. We stopped at Yum Yum Donuts. Yeah.

And there's nights. Lee stays home. And I'm back over the hill at 10. 15. And you're like really. Really. Yeah. So you need to take Lee and go to like Cheetahs.

You got to take. Cheetahs. Cheetahs is like on sunset. That's where you filmed. This is not happening. Yeah. No. I don't like the sunset ones.

You don't? No. The swing. La Brea is the most popular one in Hollywood. That's where if you go there five nights a week, you'll see movie stars in there. You'll see all the hot chicks. The Kardashians go there. Oh, they do.

Yeah. Crazy girls. Crazy girls is the one. That's the one on La Brea. And then the ones on La Cienega and the one on Sunset before you hit the purple veil, the pink veil, whatever the veil. Oh. The ninth veil.

Ninth veil. Yeah. Or is it the seventh veil? The seventh veil. Yeah. That's always been there since I moved here. So when I moved here, I moved here with a girl that danced that, the one on La Cienega and the seventh veil.

She'd switch in between both of them. So during the weekends, at night she'd work on La Cienega and during the week she'd work at that seventh veil. So when she would go to work, did you have any attachment to what she was doing at all or you just kind of were like, you could compartmentalize it? For like 18 months it bothered me, but at the same time I'd be a hypocrite because she was giving me money to do comedy and I was always clipping her for a 20 or a 30. Jesus.

Or maybe a 40. You know what I'm saying? Oh my God, you were annoying. Oh my God. She'd put a bunch of money out on the table and go count it and I'd just drop 20s on the floor and step on this. Jesus. Wow.

What are you going to do? You know what I'm saying? You've got to pimp a whole lot. Okay. You've got to pimp a whole lot. So when you did that for 18, after 18 months, you were... I was a hypocrite. You know, and then I started clicking and little things happened.

Did you treat her different in the relationship because of it? You just don't know, but I was so into comedy and cocaine that I shut that bottom of my manhood off, which never really works. That never really works. You pay for that somewhere along the line. You know what I'm saying? I know I paid for it somewhere after that along the line. When you shut your manhood against something, I don't care for woman strips.

I really don't. I would never judge a woman for that. There's thousands of circumstances. I'd rather see that. Did you see that fucking white chick there down low-king and collecting change that didn't look bad? I mean, she wasn't no... You know what I did?

I did. I did. I was like, what the fuck? What the fuck? What's that? I thought there was... Did she have a bicycle because I saw her by the bridge with the bicycle and... On the way down, on your side, like if I go on galesons to make it right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. We're both on the same track. Blew my mind and I caught the light and I looked at, I don't know, I'm like... Yeah, that was unusual. That's unusual. She had a nice sweater on. Uh-huh.

Like... Yeah, that was really weird. You know what I thought about when I saw that? Ted Bundy. I don't know why. That's the first night. I can't believe I'm saying this. I'm like, Ted Bundy would have a field day with this fucking girl.

Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. You know, Ted Bundy would have her that VW already unveiled about the stab in the neck by now. Yeah, I get scared for people. I get scared for women like that. You know what? I don't mind if you do that.

You know what? Go indoors. Right. Go indoors. Go over here to victory. Shake that ass a little bit. You know what? You let somebody finger you for the small 300.

What do you want me to tell you? Okay. Yeah, because they have like the downstairs. Right? One of the times I went there, I saw a girl that listened to the podcast. Uh-huh. Like the first time I went into that strip club about three years ago, I was bored to pieces and it must have been like quarter to eleven or nine.

If I go home, my wife passed out. The whole house is quiet. I sit there with the fucking cats. You could just do that so long. It's not like I'm going to get my dick sucked. I just want to see who's cracking like that motherfucker, you know what I'm saying? First time I went in there, I went in there and I'm like, there's nobody in here. Not a soul.

I thought this place would have like valet park and guys in there dancing and everybody in there was creeping behind the shadows. So I walked out. I went to the car and all of a sudden a girl came running after me. Come back. I love you on the podcast. I watch on Joe Rogan. Come on.

The girls know you all. Come on. And I went in there. She dragged me after like an hour or 30 or 40 minutes. She dragged me in for a whatever dance and it was okay. The dance was good. She was putting her pussy on my jeans and shit like that. You know what I'm saying?

That's all I kept thinking about. You're rubbing your pussy on my jeans. I got to explain this odor now. You know what I'm saying? My fucking jeans. Well, yeah. And it was fun, but it was like, and then she started working, you know, there's a room in the back.

We go upstairs. And I love all that shit. That's why I'm Harvey Weinstein. Really? Oh, I love negotiating with a bitch. What? And for no reason. Yeah.

I'm one of those guys. Like I'll just push it just to see what I can get. Yeah. I'm a creepy motherfucker like that. Wow. All is being revealed. No, no, no, no. This happened.

Like I had one time I was on the train. I was on the phone with Josh Wolf 1998. I'm in New York City. I called Josh to see if I got mail, me and Joshua living together on Sunset with his girlfriend. And along the phone with Josh and all right, listen, man, take that check the positive for me, please. Cause I'm my shit's about to bounce.

And he goes, where are you? I go, I'm on an eight train. I'm going up to Harlem to get some weed. And next thing you know, a chick's creeps up behind me and she starts tapping me on the shoulder and she's like for $3,000 in a light. I'll suck your dick. Oh, no, no. Right?

All right. I see. I see that shit. I feed right into it. I can see you just doing that. I'm not the type of guy that will go up to Felicia and go Felicia. Yeah. Yeah.

And then he was signing a line on the rent. Yeah. What if? What if? Yeah. No, I know. What if he was to grab 400 on the floor and I stuck it in your ass when you were looking the other way?

Would that take care of things for a while? You know what I'm saying? No, I'm not one of those guys. But if you approached me with a deal, oh, I sucked that in. I want to know particulars. I want to know guarantees. I turned into the widest guy you've ever met in my life. I come up with a list of glasses on.

Let me ask you. What can you even guarantee? Huh? What can you guarantee that doesn't even make sense? The guy, you have no idea. I'm sure it's everything. I get as creepy as shit. How's your dick sucking abilities?

You know what I mean? Like I interview them thoroughly. Right. Right. Okay. You know, what do you need the money for? Does it get a point where they realize you're fucking with them? Never.

Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, I'll keep them. I'll keep them on eyes. Just for my creepy mind to know, because I didn't approach them. They contacted me with some fucking story. Right. We were telling the one about Ralphie May last week.

I'll rest his soul. When I was in my house, living with Terry, this girl knew Terry and everything. Mm-hmm. And call me one night. She goes, listen, I just got a movie. I had to buy it in the police station. I had $3.50 in my pocket. We were living in Hollywood.

I had $3,000 in my pocket, maybe. She calls me. I said, I need $1,500 for SAG. And I booked this project. And if I don't get it, I can't shoot it. It's going to be my first guest star. Okay. Let me issue this.

If I give you this 15 times. There we go. Oh, yeah. When am I going to get this? How am I going to get this back? Well, I'm going to get the co-star job back. And the first check I get, I'll give it to you. I go, what's the co-star I pay?

I think I pay $7.50. Okay. So I have to tax because I'm getting $400. $1100. This house is going to get taken care of. She's like, well, I don't know. I'll book another job. And then there's silence.

Right. It was the creepiest thing. Yeah. There was silence. And she goes, well, what if maybe we couldn't? What do you tell them now? What do you tell them now? And boy, you know what I mean.

Maybe we could see you somewhere. Yeah. So what do you say? And right when they open that door, I just attack. All right. So listen. So how good is your little pussy there? So what are you telling me right now?

This is what's going to go down. And I go back. But on this situation, I had her going. She's like, well, I only fuck. No, no, no, no. You got to suck a dick for $1500. No. She goes, I don't do that.

No, just for $1500. You got to suck a dick. You know what I'm saying? You can't show up with that little Filipino pussy and think I'm going to go home. But the funny thing was, she had been working me. She showed up in time with a mini skirt and asked me for gas money. She flashed that little dragon at me. Right, yeah.

And I saw it and I was like, oh, this is not going to end up good. Right, right. And no, you know, I thought to myself, she doesn't know what she's playing with. Right. I know. I know. I know. Like she has no idea.

So I'm going to give her the rope. But that night, I go down. I go down. Listen. So she goes, so where are we going to meet? I go, we'll meet at the Four Seasons and Marina Del Rey. I go, we're in the studio. Everything's going to go down.

She's like, yeah, everything. Okay. I go, call me back on an hour. She's like, I forgot about it. You know, when you forget about something because you get so hard. I'm watching 60 minutes or something in the phone rings and it's Ralphie, man. What are you doing? I'm downstairs.

Let's go get some reefer. I run downstairs and I'm not in Ralphie's car. Two minutes in the phone rings. What's up, buddy? Get the seat. I'm playing and I go, Ralphie, don't move the fucking car. I go, you got to hear this. I'll fill you in on it later.

I'm like, what's up? She's like, none. So are we going to meet? I go, we're going to meet. I'm going to get the cash right now. I go, listen, let me ask you a question. And then she asks me for this. She goes, so what is it that you want to do?

And that right there, I had the opening. I go, I want to suck your pussy. I want you to lick my nutsack. I go, I want to let your ass all on fire. And there was a beat. And she goes, can I call you right back? And then she called back. She goes, I borrowed the money from my uncle.

And then a few days later, she unfriended me on Facebook. That was shit. That I love all that nonsense. There's people that think there's certain women that think they got to pull on you. And I love when they show up. I love when they show up and try to pull like, I know who's sincere. I know who's sincere. Well, that's so interesting about the Harvey Weinstein thing is where I have someone put

on my Facebook. What about the women that complied? Let's, let's, I want to know who complied. What actresses actually suck to get up or fuck to get apart. And I'm like, I have no interest in that. Like, I don't like, because if two people are going to have fun with each other and do what they got to do, I don't, I care about the women that say no. If you know anything about Harvey Weinstein, he's got this all on tape.

Oh, no, I hope. Listen to me. He's going to come out and go, fuck the Weinstein company. Fuck this company. Fuck that company. I got tapes that'll sink a bitch. You know what I'm saying? Geez.

I would doubt that. He'll put together a compilation and just a compilation of what? Of fucking young actresses in the ass gets him all. Cause he did fuck a bunch of them, supposedly. Why are you fun? There was a bunch of them that said, go, what you need to do. How many guest star roles? How many movies?

11 movie deal. Stick it in wherever you want. You know, he's a filthy animal. He taped some of them. So he's going to come out and just drop bombs. Wow. He's going to cow her at the end and go because that's what, you know what? I guarantee, listen, half the people that spoke against them are just very hypocritical.

They knew what he was doing for years. And now that the boat is sinking, they jumped on. It'd be interesting what happens. And that guy comes out of his rehab and he gets his story straight. That's going to be fucking interesting. Well, I just think about like the type of person that does that is just a fucking bully to everybody. He's crazy. He's crazy to everybody.

He's going to come out. He's 65. He's loaded. Yeah. He's loaded. He don't give a fuck about money. But you know what? You never know what people actually have.

He's an Arizona right now. He's got three chicks that don't even speak English. He's going to kill them when he's done with them two weeks from now. He's going to come back and he goes, I'm healed. And then ABC is going to give him two mil for an interview. He's going to go, that's a creepy fucking dude. He's done. Listen, he's going to have to tell his story to somebody.

And that dude's going to come back with some creepy fucking stories because all his friends turned on him at the end. He's in there right now, going that motherfucker. How many times she came over and sucked my dick for free? Yeah. Well, those days are over, my friends. Those days are over. Those days are long time.

No, the guys like Harvey, OJ Simpson, they always find the freak, Felicia. Yeah. Well, most predators do. Where the fuck do you think OJ's been? Nobody's seen a picture of him since he got out of jail. He was playing golf. Yeah, I saw a picture. He's having a good old time.

He was up at the ranch. No. Yes. I saw a picture of him. He was headed to the ranch. Something was going on with like a girl on his lap. Yeah, he was headed to the ranch. That's a good one.

That's a bad decision. He's a sexual monster, OJ. He's been locked up for 11 years. There's a white chick, a blonde lookalike right now that he's fucking the shit out. Because that's what he was into all those years. All those chicks he fucked all those years afterward all look like his ex-wife. You know, if you watch the documentary OJ in America and the other one, they were all the one in Florida.

She was a cokehead. You had to see this brought just like the fucking chick he killed. So yeah, there's a blonde chick right now getting drilled by poor OJ. Well, I had a big fight with my friend Alan and we had a huge fight because he was all like, well, those girls, any girl that was in the hotel room at two o'clock in the morning, they ought to know what's coming their way or whatever. And it's kind of like, no, not really. I mean, maybe, but that's victim blaming.

You know what I mean? That's making the victim feel bad. And then I had another friend who said, you know, when I was 18, I was at spring break with a group of people and we were all going to go somewhere and we're in the hotel lobby and a guy that I had just met was like, I got to go grab my coat, come with me real quick. And then she got in trouble in his room that way. It's like, you don't know like all the time. What about, and I think about as young girl comics on the road, you have to share a condo

with someone. What are you going to say? Like if something happens at two in the morning, you know, like things happen and some, and you can't police where you're at all the time. You know, I know you're very contrary. No, no, no, no, no. I'm very honest. A lot of girls came back to the hotel room with me that thought that we're just going

to do a line of coke and leave too. I tricked them in there, lured them into the spider's web. Well, don't say too much, Joey. Jesus. No, no, no. Right. Nothing like that, but you never know. Because people are now so hypersensitive.

It's a hard to joke about because people are going to, that's why, you know, Bob Weinstein, now someone's pointing their finger at the brother. It's like, well, you know, everyone's going to point fingers now. It's fucking crazy. Yeah. It really is a crazy world we live in. This thing at the same time. It doesn't even, like, when you read the stories, they don't even make sense.

It's like, who would go, who would like, and not the girl, like, who would like a thing to change into a robe mid-meeting? Yeah, a predator, someone who's used to getting their fucking way. And be like, get into a hot, like, that doesn't even, they don't even seem real. He pissed in front of the one check. You know, it was just. You're like jerked off in a potted plant. And like in a hallway, in a hotel hallway.

I've done that. Not in a hotel drum. In a potted plant? Sure. You're sitting there at three in the morning looking for something to come in. The plant looks thirsty, you know what I'm saying? You shoot it right to the root. Next thing you know, the plant grows six inches.

Everybody's happy. It's sunny in the fucking room. Oh my God. Or the plant dies. And that's the one marker. Wherever Joey goes, a potted plant dies. I've sat with Lee various nights. I've had Kate Quigley on here.

And we discussed different situations we've been on in our lives. And, like, I was very naive for years until I got out of Jersey. And then I started meeting different people. I'm getting my hair cut one day. I'm 19. I'm in Bussauk, Colorado. I live in a house with three guys. We got four different bedrooms.

House is beautiful. And next door to us, we got two chicks to the fucking torture. I'm talking about torture from Milwaukee to Italian chicks. Dark. Both of them had so much hair on their pussy that it came out of the top of their shorts. Do you remember the 80s? Nobody saved that fucking monster. Nobody shaved that monster.

And when she put short time one time, and I saw the top of her pussy, it almost fainted. Really? You know, almost fainted. The other day at Marie T, I'm sitting on the phone. And I'm sitting there, minding my own fucking business. And this little young girl walks in, maybe 18 years old. I mean, the day it was 100 degrees. Yeah.

I'm sitting there, minding my own business, Marie T. And this girl didn't know it. They're sexual predators. She had tight, tight, tight shorts on. And they were gray. She had like a white t-shirt on, no titties, no bra, nipples popping right out. Very cute. She walked in, she had like a nice t-shirt or something, but she had a sweat bead going

right through her little pussy. Walked right through Marie T. And then you can see where it was sweating right into the shorts. And you know what? That's so attractive. I can't look you in the eye as you finish this story. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, yes it does.

A girl with a sweaty snatch. That's after one second, and that's the description. Walking down the street, you fucking kidding me? She just walked from fucking Ventura and they go like, and that monkey got all sweaty. It's nice and rife. We're her little feet dirty. They get her heels a little bit dirty. But she was 18.

What are you gonna do then? You just fucking, you just fucked them up for life. Well, I read that Kate Beckinsall, he invited her up to his room and she was 17. You know, everyone has their twist, but when you, when your compulsion becomes predatory, and the thing is, why I got this argument, and such a big argument with my guy friend, it's like, you don't understand, it's not just men by the way, but people that are predatory, they can sense who they can corner, you know what I mean? They can sense who they can, as you like to say, weasel down.

I'm gonna tell you something, no. I never thought I would say something like this, but look, I'm 54, I can tell you this. I've met six or seven female sexual brothers in my life. I'm thinking back now, today, who I am, today going, wow, I didn't see that. We had a girl at my high school, but I could look you in the face. I can tell you what her story was, I wanted to be jokey with you. She blew and fucked every wrestler in high school, whether they were freshmen, sophomore, and she fucked them in the wrestling room.

She was like the chick from Sex and the City in Porkies. The guy was fucking her up in the stands, and she was yelling the hot one, the old one. If you watch Porkies, that's her giving up that pussy. She looked good then too. But to this teacher for four years, she never fucked me because I didn't wrestle. But she knew that, she knew that I would be hanging out doing coke with guys, and we dropped them off at her house. She'd open up the doorway, brothers.

Like, you think about that today. That woman got a watch, they honored her. For what? For like the gym teacher of the decade. Oh, she's a gym teacher? She's a gym teacher at my school. And you think about it now, today. You think about, listen, man, I'm holding like every other fucking guy.

I got my own fucking sense, you know what I'm saying? I got no, I never fell out of a tree with a bag of M&Ms or nothing like that. I'm not a fucking rapist, that's never been my game. But I've had some fun in my life, you know what I'm saying? I don't fucking mind to judge somebody. But there's some cold-blooded chick that goes out out there for lesion, you know it. You were at the front lines. Yeah, for sure.

Once you went at the front lines, once you see it, like I was staying in the bathroom just now, I went in a piss, I was washing my hands. I'm like, well, Mike, what can I tell Felicia? You know, I'm thinking, and I, all of a sudden, my junior year, before I quit high school that summer, I was going through a rough time financially. But it was on my own doing.

No, don't feel sorry for me because I love cocaine. You know what I'm saying? I love coke, and every time we went out, it was $50. And the kids I grew up with had money. I didn't have money, so I was trying to keep up with them every fucking night. So I was broke, and I would, you know, I would do what I had to do. And this guy, Lou Donato, asked me if I wanted a job being a doorman at his massage parlor.

Oh, really? And it was made right up the hill from where I lived. I'm like, yeah. Like, he would tell me every night, just pick one on the way out if you want to fuck one of them. Even at that age, like, I just... Well, I... Something creepy, like.

And I like sex. Everybody likes that dick sucked in their balls. I mean, everybody. You know, it's an interesting thing as a woman to talk about sex and having had the experience of, for a couple of years, working as a stripper. I mean, I hate to... It sounds so bland when you say it.

But I want people to understand, like, I did, like, a wet t-shirt contest. I won money. $300 in 1982. That's, like, $1,000 now. Yeah. It's, like, with so much money back then. And then I did the contest a couple of times.

And the guy's like, no more contests. You're going to work here. And so I remember... And the thing... The story is I was married right out of high school to someone, and then he became abusive, and then I had nowhere to go. And so I went and did the wet t-shirt contest. And that's how I got into stripping.

And I remember, and this goes back to you saying, some women are predatory. When I say predators, I'm not talking just about men. There are people that are sexually predatory, including women. And I remember I went down in the basement to go to the dressing room, and I could hear, like, scuffling going on. And I turned the corner, and it's these two biker chicks, like, Cripple Creek kind of biker chicks.

Like, they were the tough chicks, like, you can imagine, in the 80s, early 80s. And they were beating the fuck out of this young, kind of fresh-looking stripper, not much older than myself. I mean, kicking her in the head, beating the fuck out of her. And I was all like, ooh, they don't want to participate in this, right? So I sneak back up the staircase, and I go out into the club again. And the man...

And it was, like, six o'clock in the evening, because I came to do my first shift. And the manager's like, I told you, get down there, get dressed. And I was like, I can't say to him some shit's going down, because then I'm going to be the chick getting the shit kicked out of me, right? So I remember sitting, like, on the stairway, and these chicks coming up. And they were like, did you see anything?

And I was like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I'm just here my first day, right? And those chicks were predatory. Those chicks would steal their rings off men's fingers when they got fingered. I mean, these were some seared... Their boyfriends were all biker. These were, like, the biker chicks that were stripping back then. And so I totally get what you're saying.

Like, when Gene Pompa tells that story in pervs about the 14-year-old girl who's fucking her step-brother, and then they as a team are trying to fuck him, the girl's predatory, right? Like, there's some shit going on in that house. But both those kids are now being predatory to Gene Pompa. And it's... When someone tells a story like that, or when a man says to another woman or says to another man,

no, I knew this chick and that chick was... You know, it wasn't me. I totally believe when men say that. You know what I mean? Some chicks are predatory, absolutely. I don't think I've ever been one. No, no, no. I'm not saying that.

I'm just talking about women that I've met, that I've been around eight years later. I've heard thousand stories. Oh, yeah, yeah. And you're like, are you serious? And they're like, oh, my God, you know, you should have seen... I have a friend who's predatory, a really predatory. They think about a comedian chick.

Yeah. And she moves in waves. She's just like a guy. Yeah. She would move... She would be a regular female comic. And then she'd go to an outside bar afterward instead of going out with the staff.

And she'd zero in on the guy. Go home, let the guy basically rape her. Up her ass, light a pussy. That was her thing when she got hammered. And so she never had to see the guy again. That was her freak. Right. Years later, we heard the stories when we were back.

We were like, what happened? I don't know. We were like, we got to talk to you about something. Remember the year you came and she was leaving? Yeah, that night she had a threesome. She would pick random people. Never at the comedy club. She was very...

So when you're that... Predatory, yeah. No. When you're that thoughtful about the process. Right. You're predatory. Yes. Okay.

So instead of... You know, she would be right here with us telling us, I haven't gotten laid in three years. Guys don't want to hit up on me, but then that night, instead of going to Hollywood and picking up dick, she would drive to Calabasas and go to like the dirtiest bar in Calabasas, walk in, zero in on a guy, take him home,

let her do whatever. And she'd get up before the guy woke up and would never see that person again. She'd never even go to that neighbor again. Right, right. And I found that years later, she was even taking money sometimes. Of course she was.

Can you imagine? Yeah. No, I can't imagine. Years later. So now I'm thinking about it. Yeah, she was very pregnant. Look, sex is different for different people. Like when people are saying,

who did comply? Who did fuck Harvey? You know? And I'm like, you know what? I give no fucks. So angry. Yeah. Like, I know people are so like,

what do you care about? I care about the women that were actually harmed by this or felt manipulated. And all those chicks were between the age of 18 and 25. I don't give a fuck of some chick likes to get her freak on with some other fucking twisted fuck. I don't care about that. Let me give some shout outs here.

Brett B. Cleo, Nozmo King, Kara Rot, Quadcast, Courtney, Bob LaLingus, One By One, Podcast,

Crystal Oaks, and Bill Pechuli. I think that's the name. You know, I love you. I got to look twice. Don't forget to like, Lexington on Broadway. The party starts.

Bring the fucking roller skates. And the reefer. I'm there all weekend. Cocksucker. Sorry about that. I'll get this out there. Lisa, I was going out with you. You looking good?

I thought your wife was leaving for three days. No, she had the best business trip ever. It was like 10 hours. But I have a funny news story. If you want to hear what there was a guy who was in the car. He was in the car. He was in the car.

He was in the car. I wanted to hear. What? There was a restaurant in California. Oh, yeah. You see that? You don't want to talk about that? Who gives a fuck?

I thought it was. Yeah, my chicken. They were serving chicken. They were serving Popeye's chicken. Yeah. They were doing what? They were serving Popeye's chicken at the restaurant. Yeah.

How about the freak that was squirting all over children's flutes in the school district? Did you see that story? No, no, no, no, no, no. People are so weird. No, no, no, no. Fuck that shit. I was very interested when I saw the little parts of your

movie. I wanted to see how people are going to react to it this weekend. That's why I wanted you to come along and hopefully get some people down there. Because my reaction to it when I saw little bits and pieces online, I thought it was a great idea. I loved the idea of just a peep show.

The honesty that goes in there. Oh yeah. Because it's an odd, when someone shows you their pussy, you, you can't lie to that person. That's a late night. Yeah. That's a showtime, late TV show. Okay.

The guy comes in every week and it's cast around regular and you put two newbies in there. Maybe they become regular later. They come back. You know, maybe she talks with the stick and a finger up their ass. And they break down and start crying and run out of there.

And then they come back a year later and you know, Suzanne Old bag is like, oh, you come back. You like the little finger up the ass, didn't you bitch? You know, he starts breaking down. Whatever. This is a great idea. No, it's definitely like taxicab profession. This is a 15 minute, one of those 15 minute inserts.

Absolutely. One o'clock in the morning. I agree, I agree. That's it. Two, two guests, maybe a rotating guy, some guy that comes in and gives you a ton of money and lights his balls on fire. Does something really creepy, like a cheese grater on

his nut sack or something like that. Something that people like, what the fuck just happened? Right. And later on you realize he's the CEO of a company that makes a half a billion dollars a year or something. Like that's the interesting part about it. All walks of life that go in there. Yeah.

From the common drug addict to the successful guy that's home that's been married for 30 years and never cheated on his wife. But that's his little dirty secret. He's always has an out that there's a glass between him. That's his out. Right. What are you talking about?

I walked in to get a magazine for a friend of mine that worked and I saw this boot and I walked in and the chick showed me a pussy and I put $2 in there. That's all that happened. There was a glass. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? You're always innocent.

It is interesting those guys that do that. Yes. I'm telling you that's what I wanted. Yes. Yeah. They really have like an affinity towards a few of the dancers. There's guys that go in the fucking.

There's guys that go to strip clubs. Captain Save a Hose. No, no, no. There's guys that go to strip clubs and they'll put money on the thing but never make contact with you. Even though you'll pull out your phone for them to put it in, they won't. Yeah.

They're not down at all. Yeah. Those are the guys, those are the guys that this is as evil as it gets. I love my wife. This is as bad as I could be. Right. That's what's really, I think that years ago, I read something

years ago that some people are trying to get strip clubs out of the town somewhere like Iowa, somewhere where it's very Christian. Right. And the argument was that it's proven that in communities where there's strip clubs, more marriages last longer. Oh, really? Because the common threat is that the guy's not going to fuck

his secretary. The common threat is that the guy's going to come in once every 60 days. Right. It's just a fantasy. Yeah. I'm 50. You come, you're 22.

You sit on my lap. I feel you, Teddy. I give you an extra 50. You let me rub your pussy. I squirt all over my fucking. I squirt all over my pants. All right. Keep it going.

And I go home. Right in the room. That's it. No, yeah. That's as evil as it gets. Some people, that is. I don't even want you to touch me. Don't even touch my dick.

Right. Right. Me just touching your little monkey is going to make me bust in my fucking pants. And just that little heartbeat is what I need to keep me sane. Hey, everyone's different. Everybody's different.

Everyone's different. I get up. I go in the bathroom. I wash my dick off. I give the little black guy that gives you the hand towel in there. I give him $3 for that look. Don't look.

Don't look at my dick. I'm going to wash it in the mirror. Right here. No. You never wash your dick in front of a valid another thousand times. No. Are you kidding me?

No. Well, you will drop your pants for anything though. Why don't I just go home? Because then you're home. Hey, let me tell you something. So you give this guy $3, $4. You wipe your dick down. Why don't I just clean it at home?

Because by the time you get home, you don't want no evidence. You clean the jizz off in the bathroom. You clean the jizz off in the bathroom. You clean the jizz off in the bathroom. You clean the jizz off in the bathroom. And you get in your car. Why don't I just clean it at home? Because by the time you get home, you don't want no evidence.

You clean the jizz off in the bathroom. You stop at the bakery. You bring all your wife flowers. And nothing happens and nobody knows nothing. And nobody's hurt. Right. You cheat on nobody. It's pretty simple.

A lot of people live their lives like that. That's a fucking tremendous lifestyle. And a lot of people live their lives like that. Well, they just tread on a little bit, Charlie. And nobody gets their feelings hurt. Right. After a while, you even tell your wife I went to the strip club to stop in there for a beer. Was your girlfriend there Vanessa?

Oh yes, you better marry me. But you're still together. The wife knows you went to leave with her, you know what I'm saying. I do think, you've met, obviously, you both have Susanna and I just think, give her, she has so much like the biggest balls ever that she did that, that she had this idea and then actually was able to have really cool conversations and being so vulnerable with being naked. Now season two, somebody's got to fuck her in that boot. No, stop it.

Somebody's going to come from my lane, drill a fuck with those little shoes on and shit. Like, yeah. Come on, one of her tattoos and shit to her. She's got awesome tattoos. But my god, I want to get tattoos. Just a good load on one of those tattoos and walk out there like you're on the joint. Not that you've thought about it. You got to take Lee to a strip.

You guys got to do that. So you can talk about it. We can't talk about it on the air because it's not good. Trust me. You don't want to know last time Lee crossed the street. Really? I don't know. Yeah.

It ended up well. You know what I'm saying. Do you ever just go wildly? Do you ever like what's like? Not really. This is wild. I was like, how much more wild could he get? He wants to get wild.

He's 29. He's ready to bust a nut. He wants to hang out with Luke Skywalker and fucking two live crew. When he saw that video, his eyes lit up because that's why I got to hang out with those guys. He knows. He's dying to hang out with two live crew and go out there. I don't blame him. Just to be 29 again and what you live and learn.

You know what? Would you want to be 29 again and live through that whole thing again? No, but one thing I do know if I was 29, I fell in love when I got divorced. Like I was such a pussy. Like I was such a fucking pussy. Like I'm writing a book and I was actually outlining that the other day. Like I even said, what the fuck is wrong with me? That was this bar in Boulder that I was the host of on Tuesday nights.

The Boulder Broker. Tremendous. On Wednesday nights, there was chicks 40 and over that went there to suck cock and do blow. They called, I wish I was lying to you. Okay. Okay. Boulder had, listen, Boulder had this thing called FAC. It was on a rapper, whole Boulevard.

It was at a hotel there, the Hilton. Who the fuck knows what it's called today? In 1985, from 1978 to 1985, Playboy called it one of the hottest spots in the country. If you wanted to get your dick sucked on Fridays. This was way before valets on a Friday at 12 o'clock. You'd be driving on a rapper. And you could see people already running to get like a table in there. It was that much of a dick sucking establishment.

That's what you're trying to write. Oh, it was the bar at the hotel. Oh, really? This was the chic place. If you were 25 to 40, you did blow. And you wanted to suck dick and talk about lies and talk about your yacht and bowl and Houston and shit. Just tremendous shit. This was just crazy shit, which nobody even remembers.

What else was there then? I never went there. Oh, you never went in? Not one time. Yeah. What year is this? This probably went from 70 something to about 88. It was popular.

Oh, really? Remember how much coke there was in Colorado? Oh, my God. I remember when I met Jeff Valdez and he took me, he said, let's have lunch. He has this comic that Joey hates and for good reason. And, uh, and we went to a lunch and on the table and it's all stockbrokers everywhere, like a busy place. He would just pour the coke out on the lunch. And I was like, people have no idea.

It was crazy. People have no idea what 1983 to 88 was in this country. Yeah, it was crazy. Then it locked down. I went back to New York. My buddy did a line of coke in the bathroom. They asked him to leave. I was in shock.

I was like, are you people serious? You know, we used to do coke on the tables because that was a long time ago. Yeah. Yeah. People doing coke at tables. You bought a dessert and you put two lines of coke out and you rolled it up. Nobody said nothing to you. I mean, you couldn't sit there like Tony Montana, but you could do it under control.

Nobody was saying nothing. Yeah, it was crazy. It was a different fucking world. Yeah. No, that bar was, was crazy. But there was something that I was going to tell you about that area. Like, I can't remember fucking now, but that FAC was hotter than shit. I mean, there would be droves of people there.

Did you ever go to the limelight in New York? The church. Yeah. Yes. I went there once when I moved in 94, right when it was like, it went to the end and that was the, and I'd seen some crazy stuff and that place was crazy. That was crazy. Just everything's the people in the bathroom.

So I was like, what? Yeah. I never went to none of those crazy like Venus fly trap where you pay a hundred dollars and people fuck. I never seen none of that growing up. I didn't like that shit at all. It used to drive me crazy. Like I said, I worked for Louis Donato, that massage parlor and there was a girl that would

come up to me every night and she'd go, when are you going to let me suck your dick? I want you to come on my hair. And I would leave there every night going, who wants them to come on your hair? I would go, who does this disgusting things? Like I didn't understand so much about fucking sex that I met the fucking girl that when I met in Florida. And after I was with her like three months, she told me a story that for three years, she had sex with a guy and he paid her rent, her car payment.

Like my head almost exploded. Like his open-minded desire, my head almost exploded. Why? Because I'd never heard of such a thing. I'd never heard of such a thing. Like in my world, I didn't hear of such a thing. What did he get in turn for this rent? Pussy like a motherfucker.

Twice a month. No, he come over and buy a chocolate chip cookies. Yeah, he had sex. Okay. The guy was married. The guy was married with a family. Right. With kids.

And he paid her nice rent, bought her a car, paid her tuition. Oh my God. And he come over twice a week and just do whatever he'd want for like six years. Right. But you got an education? Yeah. Hey, everyone's different. Everyone's different.

She's got a master's degree. Is she a reality? Yeah. No. What are you going to fucking do? Listen, all that stuff, man, is what makes that whole sex world. Because nobody knows really what your freak is. Nobody knows.

Yeah. For sure. Yeah. I never let nobody get the freak out of me. Like I wish when I was 21, I would have went somewhere where they would have stuck sponges up my ass. Why? Because at least now when I had something, I would have liked like something different.

And everybody eats pussy with a mask on or something. You hang out with Tom Cruise on an all wise shot. You go to some house and there's chicks walking around with masks. Oh, right, right. I never went to one of those. Oh, you never did? I don't think I ever did one of those. No, no, that shit never happened to me.

Like I always got caught with the chick with a disease, venereal disease. Like that's what I got. Some chick that after I was waiting. She made a piece of pussy with a nice scratch for a month afterward. Scratch. That little denial. You know what I'm saying? What's the kinkiest thing you've ever done, Lee?

I don't know. I mean, I've always been afraid of strip clubs. I mean, I don't. Why are you afraid of them, Lee? I feel like I feel like they the strippers. It's always weird. It might it's been weird to pay to get in and then like you can't really touch them. Right.

You could go and do whatever the fuck you want. That would be the strip club. And I always feel I always felt like they'd hate you. They have the control ones and then they have the ones where, because I think even at that place, they have cameras, but there's really nobody upstairs. Listen to me. I like to cut through the muscle in the fuss. I want a good show.

What's a good show means? Let the pieces fall where they may. You know what I'm saying? What do you mean by a good show? Like, what do you charge to go upstairs? What's the goal right there? We charge 260. Oh, you just want to negotiate?

No, I don't want to negotiate. What happens? What goes on back there? Well, they have $60 a dance and they're a song. But if he gave me 80, I'll give you a good dance. What's a good dance? I want to know what I'm getting from my fucking... I want to know what I'm getting from my tax deduction.

You know what I'm saying? The next thing you know, she's going... Oh, is this research? Yeah. But now what do you want to do back there? What goes on over there? This one goes out of nothing. But if you want to be in a personal situation, we get to go upstairs.

And it's 265 for a half hour for 20 minutes. What do you think? Well, listen, a lot can happen in 20 minutes. I don't really know yet. But I'm the type of dude that... I want the pieces to fall where they may. Nobody says nothing. We wrap it up.

We clean up. And nobody knows nothing. What do you think? Well, listen, what do you want, 260? I'm going to throw you four bills. I don't want to hear fucking word. Are we going to go upstairs and rock my fucking world? Absolutely.

You go upstairs. They do a little nice dancing. I don't want to listen. Don't hold on to the panties for that long. I didn't come here to see Venus fucking. I didn't come here to see Victoria's Secret. I came here to see that fucking dragon of love. You understand me?

And then dance a little bit for another 30 seconds. Then back that ass up. What's that song by the black chick with the fucked up hand to the English chick? Hold on. Roll up to the bumper, baby. None of them limousine. Come on, dog. No.

Nicki Minaj? No. This is the original. Who? Boat. Put on YouTube. Roll up to the bumper. All right.

Look who this is. You're going to die. All right. Okay. And I want to see the video, Lee. I don't want to hear the song. I want to see the video. Stop looking me in the eye when you're negotiating sex, though.

You. You like it. No. It turns you on. Why is he staring at me? There's a way to do it. It actually turns women out. It is.

They never heard it. They never heard it. It's not that it's like you're mesmerizing. Like you're hypnotizing me. I don't know the name. There it is. Pull me to listen. Let's cut this shit.

I've been laying there for six weeks. Let me throw you the small 300. More than six weeks. More than six weeks. Is it Grace Jones? Let me, yeah. Put on Grace. You want to see this?

Watch the video. This is Grace Jones. She's the original Nicki Minaj. Nope. What? Nicki Minaj. Watch this. What?

What's Nicki Minaj? Look at this. This is style. This is when some women didn't give a fuck and she was one of them. Look at this. Look at this savage. You think she gave a fuck for Alicia? She gave no fucks.

Oh shit. Oh shit, Felicia. Look at it. Look, Felicia. What it used to look like. What? Oh shit, Felicia. Are you fucking kidding me?

Felicia, when I drop music on you, I rock your fucking world. Oh shit. Oh, is that a girl? That's Grace Jones, bitches. Grace Jones. Look at New York. Look at the old New York. There you go, Felicia.

How tall is she? She's pretty tall, right? Nobody came on stage with a man's jacket with no shirt on, nobody. How do you describe her haircut for everyone? This is neo-nazi shit. She knew about Trump before he bought it. She's just very androgynous, you know. Oh my god, this is tremendous.

You know what you do now? Go home and watch Boomerang. Oh, she's tremendous in Boomerang. When she takes her panties off, she throws them in the dude's face at the board meeting. And everybody's like, go like this. And also you see it. Who's in that movie? Eddie Murphy.

Mike Tyson's old wife, the one he beat up. Halle Berry. Robin Givens. Robin Givens, Halle Berry, her. The name of the fragrance is like vagina because it's her fragrance. And they're like, what do you want it to smell like? And they're all like, we only want to smell minty in this. And Grace Jones has a mint gun fucking throwing heat.

And the guy goes, so what do you think it should smell like? And she just looks at the scientist and she goes, let me tell you what it should smell like. And she gets up and digs deep and picks up her long black legs and takes a little fun and goes up to the scientist and puts the underwear right in his face. And he's sitting there with the underwear in his face. And he doesn't even want to touch the underwear. He goes like this and he goes, I quit, right?

So he gets up, he goes this way. Eddie Murphy catches them. Now they're trying to see what to do with the underwear. Okay. So somebody Halle Berry. How many possible options would there be? Halle Berry pushes the underwear away. And some other guy takes it and passes it on to this guy.

And that guy takes it and passes it on to this guy. And all of a sudden, remember when we were kids, the seven-up guy. The uncooler, the black big black dude that was bald. He appeared in a couple of James Bond movies. He took the underwear, sniffed them, looked around and put them in his pocket. Felicia, always a pleasure to have you on. Thank you very much. Friday night, six o'clock.

Six o'clock Friday night at the Regal Theatre. Come see my movie Perf starring Susanna Lee, has Philippia Sparza, Joey Diaz. Myself, Paul Provenza, Jimmy Schubert. Go on down there. I think this is a nice place around there you can eat. So get down there early. Take your wife out to eat. Bring a glove with you in case you want to bang on out in the movie theater.

In case it takes you back. Do what you got to do. Just don't sit next to me. There was another place I went that shocked me as a young man. I went to a play. And this happens to a lot of people. And this isn't talked about either. But this happens a lot.

I never even spoke about it. Am I affected by it? No, but looking back it's a reality. One night we're hanging out on a Saturday night. What are we doing tomorrow? We were in high school. I had dropped out but these guys were seniors. I had Sunday nights off.

One night some guy goes, why don't we go to whatever it was. I don't know what the name of the town was. Maybe 20 minutes away. And on Sunday nights like an old movie theater they showed porn. And I'm like, absolutely. I never went to a porn or movie theater. I hadn't seen a porno in years. There's a bunch of guys that you're drinking there.

You can drink. You can smoke dope in there. There's the word on the street. Let's go down there. I thought I was going to go down there and be like mixed. Fucking dark. Creepy. The floors were sticky.

And you go in the bathroom. Every time you go in the bathroom the same guy would pop up to you in the journal. And he glanced over at your deck for a little while. And he'd like bump into you to make believe like you. So you could see your dick in full view. He should tremendous. Yeah. You don't know what it's like to get bumped by a guy to see your dick.

Did you negotiate with him? No. He just ran into a bathroom and he bangs it out in there. Oh really? Like it was one of those guys. Oh really? He would just live there. That was his kink.

That was his kink. And you know where else I saw that? San Francisco airport in 1985. Oh really? Like a congressman like how they do. It was wide open then. There was no, think of an airport with no TSA. There was nothing.

Yeah. If Felicia was flying I could walk her up to the gate in those days. That's how wide open flying was. So I never forgot I was stuck at an airport in San Fran for like seven hours, SFL. And I saw a guy in the morning that I thought was looking at my dick. You pop in there and he pops right up next to you. But then I washed my hands left. About three hours later I see the same guy in the fucking bathroom.

And I see him walking in the bathroom. Let me see what this guy's doing. Sure enough I go up there. Jesus, he fell for the bait. He comes next to me and he stands next to me and he's peeing. He ain't peeing. He's out of pee. He's just looking at my dick.

And then finally when I went to wash my hands I watched him in the mirror. And I watched how he would. It was fucking tremendous. He would go on a urinal, jerk off. Go back and look at a man's dick. Jerk off. He would do it like three times. Then go get something to drink.

And that's the moral of the story. That's the moral of the story. I see you motherfuckers. Lexington, Kentucky. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. What's up, dawg? Yeah, don't worry about it. I had this.

Don't stop me. I'm talking to these people. I'll see you this weekend in Lexington, Kentucky. And don't forget, this is the weekend of your life, all right? You got fucking baseball. You got the Yankees against Houston. What, tomorrow? No, Friday.

Yeah, they're taking a day off tomorrow. Tomorrow they're flying to Houston. That means Friday and Sunday. Or Friday and Saturday. They're gonna play in Houston. And then you got the Dodgers. Check the Dodgers score. What's going on with the Dodgers?

Let's see. And football's kicking off. And football's kicking off. Listen to me. Basketball? Basketball's on right now. If you're gonna make some do-ra-me, this is the time to do it. Why make picks and tell your buddies you want a freight?

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See you next Monday. Have a great weekend. Stay black. Speaking of some dirty animals, here you go. Suck it, Tommy. Oh shit. There you go. Enjoy it, you filthy animals.

Bang one out in the bathroom. Me so horny, me so horny. I'm free without one and I have an appetite for sex. Because me so horny. Me so horny, me so horny, me so horny. Me love you long time. Me so horny, me so horny, me so horny. Me love you long time.

Girls always ask me why I fuck so much. Just say what's wrong, baby doll. With a quick nut, cause you're the one. And you shouldn't be mad. I won't tell your mama if you don't tell your dad. I know he'll be disgusted when he sees your pussy busted. Won't your mama be so mad if she knew I got the ass. I'm a freak and he's a dog without warning.

My appetite is sex, cause me so horny. Me so horny, me so horny, me so horny. Me love you long time. Me so horny, me so horny, me so horny. Me love you long time. You can say I'm desperate, even call me perverted. But you say I'm a dog when I let you fucking desert it. I'll play with your heart just like it's a game.

I'll be blowing your mind while you're blowing my brain. I'm just like that man they call Georgie Prince and Pie. I fuck all the girls and I make them cry. I'm like a dog in a feed up freak without warning. I have an appetite for sex, cause me so horny. Me love you long time. Me love you long time. Me love you long time.

Me love you long time. Me love you long time. Me love you long time. Me love you long time. Oh Oh, me so horny. Oh Oh, me so horny. Me love you long time. Me love you long time.

It's true you weren't a virgin until you met me. I was the first to make you Hot. And wet to wet tea, you tell your parents that we're going out Never to the movies, just straight to my house You said it yourself, you like it like I do Put your lips on my dick and suck my ass, hold to I'm a freak indeed, a door without warning My appetite is sex, cause of me so horny

I'm so horny, I'm so horny I'm so horny It's been a few long times I'm so horny, I'm so horny I'm so horny It's been a few long times