Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #530 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: November 2, 2017

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt discuss a message from a 23 year old who is unsure of his next step. Joey also talks about being a good self evaluator and a situation that made him feel naked and afraid.  This podcast is brought to you by: Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your order and stop using nasty toilet paper forever!   Lyft - Sign up to drive at Lyft.com/joey and find out how you qualify to get a $500 new driver bonus.   Recorded live on 11/01/2017.
  

Welcome to podcastville. This show is brought to you by Lyft. When you drive for the ride-ride sharing app, every trip can feel like a walk in the park. With Lyft, you can pick your own hours and drive when you want. Lyft can make driving the best gig in the world. And I'm telling you, it is. So join the ride sharing company that believes in treating its people better. Go to lyft.com right now, slash joey today, and you get a $500 new driver bonus. That's lyft.com slash joey today. And I'm going to get you a $500 new driver bonus. Limited time only and terms apply. Check with Lyft. It's the way to go. This show

is also brought to you by my motherfucking favorite bidet in the world. Tushy! Thanksgiving is the time to express gratitude and recollect on what you're truly grateful for. It's also a time when you invite your fucking crazy family members into your home to eat up your food and they fucking shit in your bathroom and they fucking use all that this year. Make sure when your family shits it's in the fucking house and they leave with the fucking clean ass. Get tushy bidet. I'm gonna do this for you. $69 with a risk-free 60-day trial. $69 with a 60-day trial. Listen, you don't want your fucking uncle Louis walking

around with that gravy ass because all you had was that fucking stick your finger in the toilet paper, toilet paper, correct? So go to tushy right now. HelloTushy.com right now and use the code CHURCH and I'm gonna give you 10% off your order. So go to hellotushy.com and use the code CHURCH for 10% off your order. Kick that motherfucking mule Lee. Kick it, Lee. Kick it, kick it. I'm gonna fucking speak his blowing. Here you go. Oh shit, get down. Pop, pop music.

Pop, pop, pop music. Ray O'Veil. Movie with a suitcase. Don't live in a disco. Forget about the rat race. Let's do the milkshake. Kick it, Lee. Kick it, kick it. Talk about.

Talk about. Oh shit. I wanna dedicate it. Everybody made it. Infiltrated. Talk about. Talk about. Talk about.

Talk about. Talk about. Talk about. Talk about. Oh shit, you bad motherfuckers. Wednesday, November 1st. You understand me? You're like what, 55 days away from Christmas

and you're sitting there thinking about your next fucking movie. You better get it together, cocksucker. The year's gonna sneak up on you quick and you're not gonna know what fucking hit you. Anyway, welcome to the church of what's happened now. It's old school today. Myself and my little trusted fucking Christ killer. The original.

Lee Syed. The one and only Christ. The one and only motherfuckers. I wanna thank all you motherfuckers for selling out Omaha this weekend. There's nothing left. One show Friday, two shows Saturday. And next week, you motherfuckers sold out in New York already. So I guess we're gonna blow that fucking block up.

I hope that poor little fucking whatever don't live upstairs, no more. That guy had left New York immediately after that week and then closed the window. He said still on fucking YouTube. But anyway, I wanna thank you people. It's part of New York Comedy Festival and I'm honored. I mean, you guys got Segura and fucking

our boy Ron White who I would be going to see. Like if I live in New York, I'd be going to see fucking Ron White. I would waste my time with Joey Diaz. But thank you anyway. You got Eliza Slashinger, you got a lot of motherfuckers. So I'm pretty happy that it all worked out. I love Gotham.

The VIP party is the pizza joint down the corner. 50 yards away from Gotham. It's always simple with Uncle Joey. There's no nightlife. The VIP party is at the pizza place. Whoever gets there first kills the first three strumbolis. That's the rule. And we Uber right from there.

Uber shows up right to the pizza joint. You're right back over the fucking bridge. Nobody knows nothing. You have all three nights already planned? Planned. I got all four nights already planned. Meet with my fucking buddies Wednesday night, Thursday I'm going to Brooklyn

with Ari. I'm coming back, want to stop at the fucking city. Then Friday, Saturday we got Gotham, Ping-Pang-Poom. No fucking around. And that's it, I'm pretty much done for the year. I got Irvine the night before Thanksgiving. I got Sacramento and I got my ear surgery.

So I'm pretty much done. You having another surgery? On my ear. They're putting a tube in my ear to drain my ear so I don't have fucking Flambego no more. So I don't have this fucking dizziness. Oh, that's scary. Yeah, it's fucking scary. So I'm done. For the last fucking three months

I've been working out with earplugs. Really? I got to fly with earplugs. Not on. I just have to chew gum on the fucking plane. But when I shower I have to have earplugs. I don't know where you can blow the fucking house up. I used to whack off in the shower. I can't no more because I got earplugs on and you hear your heart beating.

It's a fucking turn off. And then I got to wear fucking plugs when I left. Or do you have any elliptical on the weekends? Or when I go to Jiu Jitsu I don't hear the timer. And it's horrible because you hear yourself breathe. You actually hear your heart beat. So it took me like a month to get used to.

So do you have big ear? What is the issue? Who the fuck knows? I don't know. My canal is going into the fucking deep. Deep, deep, deep deep into the ear and then the water stays in there. And then after a few days my hearing goes. So I get anxiety because

like if I'm on a room it takes a certain size room and when people talk in those rooms I got to run out of there because all the sound goes into my one ear and it makes me have panic attacks. Like at the comedy store, the original room those type of rooms give me panic attacks

rooms that size when I'm going deaf plus my equilibrium is off so I feel like I I got sick on the way to Rogan I got sick on the way back from Rogan I felt sick on the way back with you from the place yesterday

yesterday I got sick on the way home that's why I was quiet in the car for a while and then I was sick the other day just going over the fucking hill so I went to the doctor and this is it, like I'm starting to get car sick now like my daughter I'm regressing to that fucking thing again

so I don't puke I just get that feeling like you're about to you got to pull over and open the windows when you see how I open the windows that means I'm starting to get car sick I thought my neck's in all the comas or something to me Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah

so it's fucking weird you got to take care of this shit this is it when you get to a certain age you're 36,000 mile warranty wears out and you're on your own after that Paco Yeah, we were talking about that yesterday at lunch and I spoke with my mom because she at like 30 something

full blown like outdoor allergies never had them in her life she's lactose intolerant now we're talking about that at lunch how you can just, things just change Cheese affects people It's weird, they started this fucking somebody started a church on what's happening now

on Facebook Yeah, it's either a dud or it's really really good somebody started it there's arguments there, people hating on me people hating on Rogan, it's hysterical but the funny thing is that from time to time I sent him something pretty pretty honest on there

and you go wow, that guy gets it and yesterday somebody posted something about being 23 and he was kind of shell-shocked shit wasn't working out and everybody wrote different things and I thought about it and I sent him something

and I wrote something on there that would assess his life you have to step back assess and take a look and work on those areas it's fucking petrifying to me being 20 again most of the people that listen to this podcast

are getting out of college or just turning 30 the fucking ideal of it right now in today's world scares the fuck out of me sometimes when I bust your balls, Lee I'm not busting your balls because I'm scared for you I know what

the economy was like when I was growing up I knew the different hustles when I was young you didn't have to be well educated or educated there was people who went quit high school and had high paying jobs in union halls

or union carpentry or shit like that or they became stock brokers or whatever the fuck that is but there was also a low-end thing there's people who don't want to do nothing Lee there's some people who want to do everything right in life there's people who want to be doctors

right Trump wanted to do this everybody wants to do something but there's some people who just want to co-exist I was always one of those people that I was very happy by co-existing what does that mean if you need 600 for rent

200 for your car payment and 300 for groceries you make $100 more a month in that I was pretty satisfied to live my life like that I can't lie to you and you didn't have anxiety about running out of money you always have anxiety but I thought that I would have it

for life so I just got used to it but that anxiety makes your heart beat and it makes you get up off your ass I wish you fucking brain dead I was thinking about that today like whenever I had a job I didn't like or something

every time I was worried about it and I quit not magically I come along like a couple times that happened that very day like the day I quit I got a call for another job and I think what you're saying it's very true for 20 year olds

but I think it's also true isn't it true you change your career like 7 times throughout your life so what if you're 35, 45 unless you get 5, 6 times and then you have to change your fucking career I can't see you changing your career take Paula for example

how long is Paula gonna be 24 and at what point is she gonna switch fucking careers actually she did 7 fucking years in the hell in the college and paid 200 grand 300 grand for your education I mean I don't think people like that switch career maybe not people like that but I think

people who only have I think now the people who used to only get high school degrees and bachelor's I think now bachelor's is like the minimum you have to get master's degrees now a lot of people but I think if you have a bachelor's degree like my degree

is essentially worthless it's good if I wanted to go back to editing but I have a degree in digital post production so that's I can't go I can't get anything with that so I think that's the kind of person that would go and

do insurance and then go do sales somewhere I think it I think it was 7 fucking scary world man when I think about it my city and you know I have a daughter now and I sit and I go what the fuck is her world going to be like

and that's why I teach her the value of a dollar early like I'm trying to fucking do things with her like she's already getting a lot of stuff she's getting it guys I got her a dollar last week but it was for a certain reason I explained why that reason was

and I explained to her why I got her to work and I show her nickels and dimes and pennies and I show her a dollar bill you know at this age just so she could grab she doesn't grasp it she doesn't understand the work thing and pain rent you know but I'm trying to let her know

that's why I'm gone that's why I have to leave because I'm going to work I'm not going to a fucking party or something like that you know I don't know about you but I think you've spoken about this for other things but when I first moved to LA I learned from a lot of mistakes I saw other people making with their money

that was just like they were going to debt consolidation and they're fine now but if that freaked me out when I first got here the thought of having that much debt credit card debt that you have to go and get another loan and consolidate into one payment when I got divorced

my credit card debt was definitely over 100 grand wow when at the end and after everything I was definitely over 200 grand definitely are you serious? definitely over how long a period did you build that up?

a year I went off the rails that was a fun year I bet that expression of walking on ice you might as well dance it fits a variety of different phases in your life and you'll know when you're there you know

you'll know when you're there it means that you're going for it fuck going to work from 8 to 5 I want to be the best drug broker there you know you walk on ice you might as well dance you're already there anyway make money, pay attention

it could go the other way so I was so down and out and I was so devastated like when you get a devastation in your life it's very hard to focus a divorce a bad accident

with somebody else in the car or maybe you alone a death of a family member over time no no no whatever the effects were they become something else and they become that you can't focus

I was watching something yesterday about a kid who was there who was the only survivors in this class in Sandy Hook so what he had to go through like he couldn't leave the house for 70 days for 7 months for 70 days 7 months he didn't leave the house

the only way he adjusted the life was with a football now on the other side of that token there was a football player at the University of Colorado that was there at the movie theater when the kid went nuts that night watching Batman what the fuck they were watching so he also

but that little kid slipped on blood on the way out of the classroom he was a fucking first grader that's 7 I think right? yeah 6 or 7 so you they taught him how to get him back and one of the things he was saying was that he couldn't focus because

the experience was so traumatic that you can't focus on the most menial things I swear to you Lee and you know me a long time there was a point there where I could get up but I couldn't do nothing if it wasn't from the help of a dear friend of mine named Danny Feebles

that kept sticking me to come to his work and work he was like make your own hours but you have to do something you can't just sit in your car and at 12 go eat Chinese and then rent a movie and then go to the gym and then go home

that was my life after I got divorced and then that night I go out and get high and on girls whatever the fuck but I wasn't doing anything in my life and after 6 months he got to me and he goes you're going to see how easy it is to make money and he was right I made money the first fucking week

I made money working with him but before that I was a good salesman I was very detail oriented and I lost all that for 6 months because of the effects of the divorce and the trust and the fucking thing with the kid it really hit me hard

it hit me hard and usual when I got out of when my mother died 2 years after she died the effects of the death the pain whatever the fuck you want to call it the grief it manifests into something else

in your mind and when I quit high school I didn't want to quit high school just because I couldn't focus on it I couldn't even focus on that I had so many things going on in my life but the number one thing I had to do was work I had to generate dollars nobody was giving me any money

I could go to high school and be broke or generate fucking dollars yeah I could get on welfare and shit like that I was too young and too strong to go on any of that shit and like when when you say you had all that stuff

were you depressed in thinking about the stuff you were going through or was it just like your brain's racing you just can't focus your brain is a racing your brain is you kind of feel brain dead it was a depression of sorts

it was a depression it was a manifestation of depression that I went through I went through after the divorce with my wife I went through it after the death of my mom I kind of went through it when I was here because everything I suspected

about my daughter and how my life was going to turn out came through a reality and that put me through a different depression if you listen to Rogan he'll always say that I got funny in one day like for a while I was just funny but then I just blew the doors off

it was because I shook that little depression I had it was a combination of a lot of things it was pain it was anger it was frustration and I just shook it you talk a lot about in comedy specifically how you've been

successful for a lot of reasons but one of them is just because you stayed for 20 years that's it that's the number one reason but do you think like obviously you're working hard at it but do you think the other part of it is you kind of just have to wait yourself out like you have to wait until you as a like as a person have grown enough

to be able to work hard with all those things that just happened in your life well like I was telling the dude on Facebook you have to assess your life you have to assess your life every fucking 90 days you know and I was trying to assess my life but I thought

I was wasting my time because the cocaine got rid of the assessment you know right now I could assess my life even though I smoke a lot of marijuana or whatever people may think I could assess my life and make the right little adjustments

like I've done over the last 10 years it's November 1 in like 7 or 8 days or when is Rick Reynolds' birthday like tomorrow the day after that's when around the time I started like I didn't get high now at all

in November and then I really quit this will be 10 years but you know I had to make assessments when I tried to make assessments in my life when I was getting high because I was getting high because you and you were making the assessments when you were sober yeah but I'm still getting high

the fumes of that cocaine will always help to make or destroy that decision that what you're lacking of and it could be for opioids this is all the same it's not just I don't want people to always talking about coke

no it could be for opioids it could be for marijuana it could be any you know I've learned to be a functioning addict with marijuana as you've noticed like it just spurts me it makes me even strong it's like a steroid for me how people complain about steroids and if they drug tested

in comedy I would be dead right because I'd be wilder I would be untameable on stage I would be untameable and I would eventually just die on stage come one night because I just let it all out you think it calms you down on stage

yeah it calms me down for sure okay I didn't know that I would go off for reals I kind of want to see that now no you don't want to see that that's why I don't fuck around with it I keep it there it maintains nobody get their feelings hurt it keeps the grease going

you know there's times I get high and everything don't get high but by me taking it to the joint it keeps the grease going it keeps the fucking oil flowing you know what I'm saying like everything keeps the machine don't ever break that machinery don't ever stop the machine don't ever stop the machinery

but it's funny that I made assessments over the years I didn't start making big time assessments until I was in my 30s that's why I felt like I was lying to the kid in a way because who the fuck was I kidding I didn't start making real assessments

until I got out of prison prison was the first time I ever got a chance to look at myself from another situation and it wasn't good either because I was in prison no matter what assessment I made I was still in prison are you with me?

so no matter what assessment I was making about myself and what I wanted to do when I got out of there or what I needed to work on all bets were off I was locked the fuck up but wasn't it like the clearest you've been in 15 years or I don't know oh no no me doing that

like I say when people go to a rehab and they think they're gonna get healed they're lying to themselves and playing for a retreat that's why it takes people a couple multiple rehabs because they really have to think about what's going on if I pull you out of your environment

and you get a chance to look at your environment from the outside looking in you'll see and after drugs you'll go oh my god that's why I was slipping why was I dating that person or you come to a bunch of conclusions you'll go why the fuck was I doing that

why was I doing that that person why am I working at a chicken place I don't even like fucking chicken blue cheese I don't like nothing but things just happen so quickly when you're in it that you just you just let it all pile

so again we go back to when you're walking on ice you might as well fucking dance when I was doing drugs and I was in a rocket ship they couldn't be any lower than I could get so keep doing it if this is as bad as it could be for me I'm gonna keep doing it when you realize it was as bad as it's gonna be

I didn't realize two years fucking later so I met you guys and I was talking on a podcast one day that I had even lived in a fucking rocket ship so to you it was just like I can survive this yeah it was just another day in the fucking jungle for me I didn't remember that till I started fucking around with you guys

that was so painful that that got swept under a fucking rug it wasn't until one night we were doing a podcast and I go do you know how you slip in a fucking rocket ship and you popped your head up like what Joey what the fuck what did he just say no I used to sleep at that fucking rocket ship

in 88th street park that's one of the things I really enjoyed about doing therapy the last few months is and I'm cause I've always been I don't know I get in my head a lot like oh I don't they don't want to hear this or I don't want to either either they don't want to hear it

or I don't trust them enough to tell them things so just like getting to say certain things that I've only thought about before have just has made it like less important in my head like I'll say like she'll ask me a question and as I'm going to answer she's like

why is that a big deal and I'm going to think about it and as I'm thinking of the answer I'm like oh wait maybe it isn't that big of a deal but just it keeps going around in my head and it never had a chance to get out so it can't get growing and growing so that's the stuff

listen I'll tell you this in my experience half the stuff that goes through our head isn't even important probably more than that and I'm telling you this I'm telling you this fucking experience it doesn't matter

because in our minds we have to fucking do something we love being somewhere in a certain fucking space and time and for some people they love the fucking drama and if they don't have drama they add to the fucking drama that's always the weirdest one for me

people who always I worked with a bunch of them who would always come in and they're always in a huge fight with somebody I never understood that I would purposely avoid those things happening and it seemed like those people

every few days had someone else it's uh I just I hate I hate when I breathe or when I answer emails on the podcast and fucking uh people hit me up on an email about a situation

some emails are just plain but some things that people post sometimes about themselves or they'll send me something personal I could feel it I could feel what they're going through because I was there like I could read that

kids writing on that wall and I understood I went back to 1985 and I went back to being 20 fucking 3 in 1986 and you know living in San Francisco and going to bed every night

not frustrated and confused 23 I was frustrated and confused which is a fucking horrible combination and scared you know I was frustrated, confused and fucking scared

I was like those naked people in the woods on A&E, naked and afraid out there I had clothes and I was naked and afraid but I fucking um I faked the funk like I faked myself through the bullshit like I was 23

petrified just getting out of North Bergen just getting out of Jersey when I was 23 it was 1986 I lived in San Francisco I lived in Boulder for a while and I lived in Snowmass Village

when I was 23 years old gotcha alright so like if I think like last night I thought about this I didn't have a grasp in all three places like I had no grasp I had a job

I made it seem like I had it together but I really didn't have it together by no means I would put money away and I'd blow it I took classes at night but I really wasn't doing anything with my life Did you feel like you had it together in Jersey? No

I didn't have it together anywhere I couldn't fucking get it together if you built it for me and put it in front of me and put it in my fucking pocket that's how much I was a self deterrent to myself like I would just step on my own constant right when I was right knocking on the door

I could fuck up a wet dream like I was just running everything up to maybe 30 something to maybe 30 something I was a wet dream and you know what? I got by you know somebody

hit me up the other day if I knew some guys from the car business or whatever I always get it up and I was thinking being in the car business and my first check like taking home like four grand and thinking like that's it 36,000 a year

this is perfect for me like I was like that's it I didn't like the dry cleaning like you know the Jew and me like I didn't like the dry cleaning I'm like fuck mother dry clean suits five suits a week but y'all look good

you gotta be clean you see you know you're wearing a suit the second day it looks like shit so I was content with 36,000 dollars I didn't know that I could do more than that I didn't even I was making more than that to be honest I was making seven grand a month

but after taxes it was like four thousand dollars right so I was making like whatever the fuck it was 84 grand I could have made that year and when I went over to Dodge I lost a little bit of that income but I was working less hours with less stress

so I knew I could survive that let me know I could survive by wearing a shirt and a thigh did I like it? No I didn't like the fucking I didn't like the feeling of being a car salesman but it paid my bills and what I didn't know was happening

was happening I was learning about life in a weird way I was really getting an education of people which is the education I always sought after but you know I thought you were the I thought you loved it I didn't know you didn't like it listen when your wife goes to a party with you

as soon as she says I'm an attorney somebody's gonna make a remark there's just something about being an attorney right or wrong there's something about being an attorney there's something about being a car salesman I already was insecure about being a thief and a piece of shit and a junkie

now I gotta throw a car salesman on the mix you know what I'm saying so I just didn't and I have nothing against car salesmen I hope someday when I retire from this shit I can sell cars again when I'm old that's when people buy cars from you when you're an old man people feel bad for you

hey weren't you the guy in the longest that was me buy this dodge from me cocksucker oh you call this a cocksucker I would love to sell cars again but at that time at the age of 20 something I was like fuck

so I'm a fucking thief a junkie and now I'm selling cars this is perfect for a guy I like that angle of it I just didn't think I could do with the rest of my life that's what you're asking me but it getting back to what you're talking about

was like confidence I don't think that I come off at all like I had a job I came out here and I got a job and stuff but I don't think I come off as confident at all and hearing like I just imagine you at that point I would have imagined

I'm picturing you as very confident no I was scared I was scared which made me confident but I was not confident big difference it's called fake in the funk big difference I was petrified

but I didn't have time to be petrified are you with me I couldn't do it there was no reason to be petrified I had it and little by little it wasn't that I picked up self confidence and me I just wanted self confidence to know I could fucking survive

when I left New Jersey I had Timmy Jordan I had Glen Con I had a bunch of friends you know when I left I didn't leave on great fucking terms so they were always there if I got into a pinch

what's a pinch you need a $100 bus ticket you need $200 to do something but they couldn't pay my bills so that's what I was forcing myself to do when I left New Jersey was to teach me how to take care of myself I already knew

I just was trying to put it all together I already knew all my bank accounts I already knew about light bills phone bills, credit cards now you have to put it all together now you have to make a certain amount pay a certain amount pay for your own groceries

everything becomes different you're not at mom's house no more you've learned that over the years a couple years ago it was a big difference and there was something that just came out recently that people were talking about that they're saying by 30

you're supposed to have one whatever you make a year that you're supposed to have that put away for your retirement by 30 which I don't know anyone who has that I don't I wasn't even thinking about retirement at 30 I was thinking about being 30, 70

a year, 2000 and when I make it at 30 I wasn't thinking about fucking retirement plan social security or fucking that shit and it pissed me the fuck off it does piss you off yeah when you first get checks you see that $80 out of your fucking

out of your 400s going it's a bunch of bullshit bored do you get pissed until you get fired and get unemployment and you go why do they pay me this much because you put away and you're like man I'm happy I paid into that fucking unemployment at that point but it's

survival was all I wanted that's all I was not looking for perfection I was not looking to I remember a kid I had a roommate that was kind of one of those geeky kids that would get up once a week and go to a thing called Toastmasters

oh I've heard about that can you push it up just to see I don't know I shouldn't say it's geeky I don't even really know what it is he was geeky that's what I mean to say he was one of those guys I was doing blow I was selling cars I was lifting

weights I had a girlfriend I really wasn't doing much with my life I had a dog and we lived together in South Boulder and he would get up early and go to those Toastmasters things and he was college educated

but he didn't have a job and he had motivation things all over everywhere you know what I'm saying all the motivational cards yeah he had them everywhere in his room like every time I go to his room I was like Jesus fucking Christ

what is wrong with this guy and when they came into my room we were talking and he goes how come you don't have nothing to wake up to in the morning and I go what are you talking about you gotta have something to wake up to in the morning I don't know what do you mean he goes you gotta wake up every morning

and put something in front of you that you see that you want and he goes what is it that you want I didn't know what the fuck he was talking about I don't know either I'm like what do you mean and he goes what do you want out of his life I think a year younger than I was

he was really sharp he always wore a shirt and a tie he didn't have a job but he always was applying for a job and he was talking about investments and shit I didn't know even today I don't know if he was a stroker but he was very what's that word

when you have those things around your wall I mean what you pay for today will come to you tomorrow all that shit so he came into my room one day he was like you gotta put something up in your room so about three days later he came up he goes hey you mind if I come in and he put up a picture of a

of a testarosa one of those cars he stapled it but thumbtacked it to the wall and he said this is what you have to look at every morning before you leave the house because this is what you want I didn't want no fucking testarosa

that's the last car I'd ever fucking jump into first I probably would fit in one of those number one, number two I just don't like those type of cars I'm scared anyway so I looked at them weird at that age but years later I understood what he said it's like writing goals

what the fuck do you want I didn't know anything about goals till Jim Handy once I got out of the prison and I met Jim Handy you had to do goals there every day at this car dealership you had to hand them in before you go on the line which means

before you answer the sales call or before you took a customer you had to hand your goals in and he would fucking hold you to it still what your goal was for the day yeah so let's say you get there and by the time you were there I was already at a buy a car from you right

he would fucking cut that deal in half until you wrote your goals but you had to sit with the customer and go hold on one second let me just write this down because he would give it to Lee take them on a demo ride while he writes his goals

he was that serious about it yeah but he had listen he must have believed in it him being that serious about it is why I'm still fucking here and part of the reason I ended up doing what the fuck I'm doing now

because I stuck to that I stopped, came out I bumped into him and I didn't start writing them just about comedy maybe I'm lying to you guys I did them when I was working for them and then I stopped

and then when I started doing comedy I started doing them again like in 95, 96 I'd do them for monthly goals or weekly goals or I want a TV show by the end of the year I still fucking write them out every year every quarter

and it just keeps and I think what your roommate was doing and it sounds like it's a good idea is just making sure you remember so you don't get lost in the dailies thing like what are we working for yeah well that's part of it I mean it's easy

listen some jobs are great you got a job with your buddies you fucking go after when you drink that's what you do with your buddies and you get a few drinks and you go home sometimes you meet your friends sometimes you meet a girlfriend there's just so many fucking

side tracks that you have when you were a young man especially if you're not college educated especially if you can't fucking afford college I mean what's college cost today I don't fucking know 50,000 a year not at state school

a lot of those so for me to go to valley college up the corner here well that's a what is it called a community college and you still got a good education college oh yeah that's a smart way to go now is to go two years there

do all your gen eds like your math, your English, science everything there and transfer and then do your major at a bigger school because it'll cut your it'll cut your bill in half essentially you know I don't even know

for you and like for me I liked it and I really want listen my life would have gone as planned I would have gone to a four year college man you know I would have gone to a four year college for sure that's what I wanted if I could do it all over again

I wish I could have gone to a four year college gone to a nice law school become an attorney made a nice living reading books I could have done that to me I see because like there's a lot of things in this society

that like we almost have to do just otherwise it's like we don't get to play almost so college now a lot of people who don't get to go to college but for a lot of jobs now if you don't have college you can't you can't apply

and like I've been thinking about there was someone talking and they said that you don't know what you want to do because you just haven't experienced enough and I think probably it would be I think

a lot of people used to take gap years or go travel Europe I just rushed right into college and I rushed right into working I didn't take any gap no breaks at all like less than a week between both I didn't take no fucking gaps either but

but then you also had you weren't you didn't go right into nine to five job you went into entrepreneurship essentially so what are you saying that people need gaps I think so I think or just like you're saying like if you

don't need college maybe you need to go what do you think you want to do I said you don't listen this is what my argument is okay because everything you like is always something to do with time off and that's where I don't like well it's not time off but it's going and working but like let's say you wanted

to be a lawyer right go in and intern at a law firm see if you like it if you wanted to be a chef go and be a server oh no no that's what people do right you know I think people just go to college yeah no no but I thought you meant like pulling an army like one year

after college to fucking decide that'd be nice but you want to do with your fucking life I think there's too much of that I think there's too much of that I think that and then there's there's gaps later I think that after my personal feeling is I have a daughter and if I'm

alive I would try to talk about it going right to college out of first year high school right I would talk her into getting into a college and just saying I'm taking a year off first to get a regular job she could live at the house

I'll pay the car payment for her she could live at the house one year one year to date a regular fucking job pick it sales retail a library something to understand the value of the dollar to see what's really

out there and what really works you know I still believe in the old fashion I still believe that a person doesn't have to go to college I think that a person could especially what I've what I've noticed around me in the situation I'm in now

I've noticed that a person doesn't have to go to college but a person could still be very successfully I believe that I believe that if a person goes to work at 18 and pays attention to his job or gets a job that he really enjoys after 10 8

9 years he could buy into a business or start his own little business on the side with his philosophies about that business I think that's happening a lot I really feel that I've always believed in that I come to work for

you as an electrician 7 years in I could do this in my eyes closed I could do this in my eyes closed ok I'm a registered residential ironman I also have a commercial license I know how to fucking put the fucking boards on the poles

I know everything you need a master electrician to open up a fucking business so it's like it's levels you know I'm just talking electrician so you could be a great master electrician

without really being a master electrician so you gotta hire a master electrician pay him his rate and you could still sell jobs and own the business gotcha but you don't need to get to the master electrician level no but you have to have one to open up an electrical

shop and I'm just saying you know for all these things there's always people that have been hustlers that have gone to work for somebody have learned 8, 9, 10 years if I come work for you at the age of 18 and I do a 10 year apprenticeship not an apprenticeship

just come to work for your dad's clothing store if Dick Syat had the biggest fucking men's fashion year in Boston and he sold upgrade suits and shit if I came to work for you at 18 I'd start in a stock room in the back

you know hanging shit up stocking shelves inventory that stuff after a while you might make me a sales assistant then a couple other years a registered dude after that you make me a fucking salesman assistant manager

now I'm the general manager that could happen that could happen in today's fucking work and I won't mention any names but I'll bet one of the comedy clubs up here where we did a live podcast one of the sons started out as a sound guy his first day and now he's managing the club and it's like three or four years

later so that does exist you're absolutely right well because people don't want to put the time in like I told you before the show okay so this guy's 23 guess what guess what he would have just been getting out of a four year hitch in the army

yeah you know another big fucking mistake I made that everybody fucking makes because you look at I'm telling you guys that this time goes fucking fast when people look at you when you when you look at

something you go you know what I'm really interested in being a window cleaner Lee really Joey yeah because I'm not scared when I remember when I went to Statue of Liberty I climbed on the thing and I don't give a fuck about heights okay so what do you need

to do I'm saying like it just are we talking about people don't want to put the time the time the time always to scare the shit out of you when I tell you about time when I look you in the face when you come to me on this line go and I've seen it would

I see it all the time with young comics nobody is more of a pessimistic pricks than young comic male or female alike when they ask you how long it takes to get good you

well I mean that that one must be one of the harder ones and I think it's because like at least for me I like when I bought one in other jobs where you get like reviewed or boss will say good job this and that as a comic you have none of that

you just one day someone calls you and starts asking you to headline when you're a comic you make a nightly assessment about your life when you're first starting out the first five years I'll tell you something even beyond that my first seven years

every time I got off stage I made a new assessment about my life think of that think of that your assessment is made on how you did on stage that night yeah but yours mine right like mine think about if I like that time I went to San Francisco at Ari about six five years

ago right you with me yeah for one of them I fucking bombed on Thursday and then Friday two shows just fucking bombed like I was getting them but not really they weren't buying my shit I wasn't putting the best shit out at that time

at that time my shit really wasn't together but Saturday night late I fucking lit them on fire that they couldn't even fucking leave yeah I'll remember that night forever because I came on Saturday and you had the early show and we were up upstairs in the green room and you were just like no man fuck it

like I'm just gonna go out on this show and I was like okay like I don't remember I think we were doing the podcast I was like okay and then you just tore them apart and I remember thinking like and I'm not like

why like I didn't understand like the the difference between going at them and not going at them like it it it seemed like you were doing similar things both shows but like why what took the thing what caused

you to have the jump I guess anger frustration the frustration of bombing four shows in a row what are you doing what are you doing wrong right right away a sane individual

would say it's the audience fault me I blame it on me because I'm a self whatever the fuck you call that deprecating no because I know it's not that it's the way I'm delivering it either I'm not putting enough heart into the joke either I'm not stepping into the joke my face doesn't have

the confidence it's a thousand variables and then you just make the decision to go and this is the last show you gotta leave them leaving with something you gotta go one for five you know what I'm saying it's an answer from the like and I get that people change but ever since

I've known you to me you're always going so to hear that you you didn't think you were was surprising what do you mean going like it like you would like to to make the chance to go at them and and to pick it up a little bit to me you're always at that level

I mean maybe not always but in comedy at least I've never seen you take a show off in my opinion I'm nervous like I remember once at the ice at the ice house at the improv you had a cold and you were sitting outside in the rain I was like why didn't he just cancel the show but

so to hear that you didn't personally think that you were at that level was surprising it's crazy it's again you make daily assessments in your comic you have to go home and most comics

like really good comics like Joe Rogan for example Chris Rock a lot of these guys go home and listen to their recordings that's brutal you have no idea what that's like I listen to that half of that shit

from the ice house to you know that's brutal especially when the girl raised a hand and said I was talking about the Vegas victims my mom is a lawyer what's that got to do with your mom it's amazing it's just fuck she didn't want to be there all night and that's

why I didn't feel bad see 15 years ago I would have worried about her for three days afterwards really yeah yeah I don't worry about people like that no more because I know the look on the face they didn't want to be there anyway he dragged her there against her will

he made her go instead of calling one of his friends and going listen I'm gonna go see him with one of my buddies and laugh and be loose he took her by mistake which is his girlfriend his wife he has to be right to take her but if he didn't plan ahead he didn't know

that she just didn't like me from the time I got on the stage which is fine because I understand the life of that not everybody's gonna like everybody right but it just that's something I've that's listen man let me tell you the most crazy fucking thing in the world

I want you to answer this and I want the people to listen to the answers what makes a comic pick up his bags back his car whether he lives in New York Ohio Michigan

Florida, Texas what makes a comedian pack up his car and drive up to Los Angeles have you ever thought of that fucking question because this comic don't even think of leaving

their respective areas they never even thought of it they got into comedy and they saw what it was like I did comedy with 20 guys in Denver those 20 guys there was maybe only 6 of us that really liked the road

the other guys would just do Greeley Denver gigs anything in Colorado and that's it they have a family they have jobs, their wives have jobs and they don't like sleeping in hotels do you know that

there's 20 of those guys in each comedy scene do you believe that that's really the reason why they don't like to do it people people have weird different tics it takes a weird person to want to get on a plane

and sleep in a hotel and stay in a weird city for fucking 3 days cracking jokes I think that sounds like fun for some people they think it's brutality really it must be tough on women I can't see a girl wanting to pack her bags

go on a plane by herself leave her husband, kids, boyfriend whatever and go on a plane you got lunatic Kate Quigley who doesn't really have a boyfriend or whatever doesn't bother her she'll stay out for a year

but then you have somebody like Mary Lynn who's got a husband and a child when she books films out of town do you know what I'm saying it's gotta be weird for a woman you're alone I think it is weird just figuring out what works for you

I think you're right no listen you want to be a plumber I don't know I just thought I wanted to be a plumber you know what you're doing on your first day of your job you fucking unhook that toilet screw it up, pick it up

take the seal off when you see all that shit that lives underneath that you didn't dream of seeing that you thought you were just going to be a plumber a lot of people don't dream of smelling that or seeing that I certainly don't so once you see that shit

that's why people make you do the roughest jobs in the beginning to let you know what you're going to get your hands filled with right and so if you know at that point a lot of people don't know why they're getting into things that's the other thing a lot of people really make

they really don't investigate a career somebody told them their uncle was a fireman and then for years they just want to be a fireman fireman, fireman, fireman they take the test, they pass now they're fucking fireman and that happens all the time Lee when you pick a wrong career

that's another thing that we have to talk about because that's a nightmare and it happens every fucking day and it has to happen that's why people change careers seven times because it probably takes three times somebody who's but not really because even if you have a college degree

for law when you have a college degree for law you could do anything you could do anything and they'll pay you more because you have a law degree in some circumstances probably yeah like if you're a salesman or something

you have a law degree, something's weird I knew a friend of mine in Boulder who used to be an attorney and he became somebody else but his salary was a little higher because he was already an attorney and he caught him caught somewhere something fucking weird I don't know how it worked well I think maybe what the difference is

and like my mom's a lawyer too so your mom's been a lawyer since day one yeah so she never changed careers well see this is what happens she had a couple different things when my brother and I were growing up but I think with law and maybe with medicine you can have

different specialties like right now Paula's doing immigration but she could switch to be like a DA or something at some point I think with me I had such a specific major and I think a lot of people have specific I'm going for engineering

if you choose wrong at that point it's kind of a weird thing to switch and have really no background in something I think there's a lot of people going back to school now there's a lot of like what are they called boot camps for like people who want to make apps

that makes me fucking laugh that people switch careers seven times I must have switched careers 80 fucking times they obviously look at my resume I wonder if you could find somebody's real resume like every time people file

the fucking tax thing on you it has to be on your social security somewhere maybe you can't have access to it but they must have access to it oh my god I guarantee I had at least fucking 55 jobs on paper and that wasn't 30 years

because since I started comedy what I have maybe seven jobs like I sold fucking donations for firemen and cops I sold stickers I sold cars for a few years you know shit like that before that

I had at least 55 to 60 jobs easy lease I had and you would just start from scratch I mean I'll upload some of them similar I guess for a week and a half I get a wild bug in my ass

the one that lasted the longest was the roofing the roofing lasted 3-4 years I really stuck with it I took a couple estimating courses I took like when the firestone offered estimating courses in those days

and the other company we work for the other rubber company that we work for so I took all their free seminars I would you know I would write them and find them when they were doing seminars and I would take a fucking plane and go to a free fucking seminar it would cost me for the plane and the hotel

and the company would do it for free to teach you how to install their rubber right okay follow me so it was a fucking thing let me give some shout outs here fucking world series today Liam Hopkins

Sean Batten hardgrove candle company Funko Smith Black Justine Malik Peppy Gilmore one by one podcast and my little Puerto Rican buddy Rene

and Carl Sione back from helping his little friends down there in fucking Puerto Rico not fucking around it's weird man with all this shit going on in the last couple months I give Lee shit all the time

and I break his balls about watching sports but I want people to know this that when it comes to playoff baseball time when it comes to Uncle Joey for years all bets have been off even last year you were watching for years every year

I do not have the time to sit there in June and argue with you about the Red Sox Yankees I'm sorry I refuse I cannot do it the sun is shining I'm not going to sit in the fucking house and watch TV but when it gets to September

and I don't cheer for anybody I'm not a fan anybody but along the way you watch and you become fans of everybody I like the Cleveland Indians I like the Yankees I love watching the Dodgers you know your kids go to these schools

and they cheer them on in schools now they ingrain those kids now they're fucking fans for life they all dress up fucking now they all had a dress in blue today so it's kind of weird and I've been watching

and I tell you man after the Vegas shooting and the fucking two hurricanes and three hurricanes and what's going on with the bullshit yesterday in New York you know man to watch baseball people kneeling in this country

to watch baseball and there's no fucking hitches so far and it's been a great fucking series I've watched almost every game both the whole time I've only watched the last couple games and the games have been very exciting I can't

just in my soul vote for another team but what makes me happy is watching Felipe he's gone to three World Series games he got to the stadium an hour and a half early and was just saying hi to his former coworkers he had a great time yesterday seeing stuff like that

makes me happy like I said I get a lot of people shit they hit me about sports there's one aspect of sports that I like that I watch and I enjoy but there's an aspect when I was a kid when I was gamble and I'd watch six hours of football

and I got to tell you something I had to stop somewhere like that's an assessment you make at one point you go whoa whoa whoa let's be honest here I'm a fucking broke dog so Lee offered me 100 bucks to work with him on Sundays from 12 to 3

100 dollars so what am I going to do what kind of loser am I no I'm going to sit and watch football that's what happens and people are like what are you a fucking loser what am I going to do I need 300 bucks yeah it gives me fucking a yardstick every Sunday

what am I going to do so I make 400 a month off of Lee on a yardstick I don't watch football there's what I'm saying but people don't really think that way like I wouldn't think that way until something like that had happened and now you have to make a quick fucking call

you know you're raised to work Monday through Friday you know the only reason I'll work as a comedian I work Tuesday through Sunday when I got into this business it was Tuesday through Sunday Jesus so one day off a week one show Tuesday one Wednesday one Thursday

two Friday two Saturday one Sunday and if you opened up for Rich Jenny and one of those guys you did two on Sunday and three on Saturday cause oh my God yeah you didn't fuck around in those days and I could work I mean I have a backbone

of a fucking savage the only reason why I don't work Sundays is because baboon I got a wife and a fucking kid I want to eat with them baboon Sundays come on dog I'm in Cleveland on a Sunday football season DC

New Jersey all those cities they fucking watch football they play football they go to football games all those big you know all those big cities that have all those fucking football teams you don't want to be there on a Sunday during football seasonally

especially people who play bought tickets and now went to a bar all day and watched the game on TV and now I hammer that you show at 7 o'clock okay Sunday no no no no you have no ideas Sundays have always blown from me

like as a comic I'm like what the fuck am I doing here on a fucking Sunday night like one time they canceled Sunday when I was younger and I was like that's it I got to get out of this and then finally like two years later in Dallas in 99

I was like that's the last fucking Sunday I'm working I don't want to work Sundays it's that old I didn't know that it's a dead night man it's a dead fucking night if you're real you went out Thursday Friday and Saturday fucking Sunday

you're fucking wiped out and if you did get tickets from me you're gonna be wiped out you're gonna sit there to hide so it'll just make it better and you go home and they go home yeah I just decided working against fucking Sunday not because I'm lazy

but because I just didn't see it I didn't pan out you know Thursday you fly in halfway during the day you go to your hotel room you get a snack you take a shower you do the show you go back to your room right Friday you're there all day but Sunday

you're there all day after you've already been there Friday all day Saturday all day now you're there all day Sunday whether it's football season or not and even if it is football season you're watching those games what are you doing you're in your hotel room eating room service

you're at the bar downstairs now you gotta go do a show on the fucking Sunday oh so you're tired too I was gonna say it sounded like fun everybody's fucking tired dawg especially those days when the clubs would pack up you're there from listen when you start a show on a Tuesday

by Friday you're tired and you're going into the meat of the week right your busiest days right you follow me so I liked it for other reasons I liked it because Monday Tuesday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday

gave you a shot to adjust your set so by the time and add new jokes so by the time Friday came Bob Olm you laid an extra seven new minutes on them plus your shit is tight Jack how come they don't really have that anymore was it not as many comics or

the attendance it would be too rough to get you know I don't know how many clubs there are to sell tickets on a fucking Tuesday so you turn it into an open mic night let the locals advertise you know get a hundred people in there make minimal money

but you sell some booze yourself nachos and everybody's happy Wednesday you do a special show what you call those rappers delight what you call those what they do at the comedy store on Tuesday night roast battle you do all that type of stuff on Wednesday night

Thursday you got more blood flow that's how much the economy has changed like I told you we've sat here and I've discussed with you that way before your time Monday night was the biggest night of the week in LA

across the country oh shit okay because of Monday night football oh it was the biggest night so 30 years ago you were going out on fucking Monday night come hell of high water bitches you were fucking going everyone went out

everybody went out fuck and now yeah now ribs meatballs wings every ball would fight for your dollar chips hamburgers hot dogs

chick bar tenders waitresses it would be something nice some booze would show up and give you free shots that's what Monday night used to be they used to be a booze we talked about this before people posted it where the chicks would come in and pour the drinks

down your throat and shit and taste it like I asked Lee you would get sick as a fuck the next day but yeah the economy has changed there's some people who go out on Monday nights but they're not gonna fucking drink it's not like it used to be Monday night football is not what it used

to be in this country anymore well it's expensive now I don't know what drinks were back then like ten bucks a minimum yeah but see Monday nights it was a dollar a fucking beer Monday Tuesday Wednesday years ago it was half prize

ladies night fucking baboon night coming with terrorist night you know there's always some fucking angle to get you in the fucking door and then on the weekends they charge you the high prices and it's gonna be there anyway but for a sport like when I go to Barones

when you go to a place like Barones it's a sports bar so he makes his money off of football and all those other events during the week yeah you got a ESPN game here ESPN game there but how many people go out for those games

not many people go out for the big games on the weekends Thursday night college football Thursday night NFL you know what I'm saying UFC Saturday night people go out they pay the fucking door charge it's really weird how the economy is changed

I don't know anybody who really has a big Tuesday night they usually have African American they have that night at a club the brothers go out on fucking Tuesday nights I think that is happening now though for those events like what you were talking about

is that they're having more events for that when I was in Vegas I went to a bar and paid 20 bucks and watched the UFC especially with boxing like McGregor was $100 pay-per-view UFC right now is what $60

that's expensive if you could go for 20 bucks and then go get drinks or something somewhere now the fight this weekend is it pay-per-view or it's pay-per-view oh yeah oh yeah she has paid one of my things oh yeah he's yeah he's definitely pay-per-view but

it's expensive it's expensive to do anything and then try to save for even just not for retirement just for your life at least I had like a shit every fucking day from my agents for me to raise my ticket prices

and I give them grief every fucking day and I say no because it burns me it burns me I know that people work fucking hard you know and it just burns me that the ticket prices are what they are somebody offered me tickets for guns and roses

okay four tickets you ready right four tickets $2,600 each or total total they didn't want them they asked me if I knew any bucks

I'm like are you fucking kidding me but it's right straight ahead at the forum so it's the second section straight ahead it's not even that's not front row no front row is I looked on there just to see front row area was 1700

at the forum their coming home show so they doing like the staple center or something else in the forum I looked at that for $600 and I was like you know what I could see fucking paying

guns and roses six bills for that section that's gonna be crazy I don't know if I'll do it I don't think so the guy just called and just asked me if I knew if I had a friend that he would sell him at face value or whatever the fuck I don't fucking know

I mean do they still have the original band members I don't know yeah yeah no no it's the real deal this is the last of the Mohicans this is explosive this is fucking guns and roses Jack so how old were you when you were listening to guns and roses

87 when they came on the scene with appetite for fucking destruction I still remember that video and then when I got locked up the third song was big like when I got locked up sweet child of mine was the big song welcome to the jungle and already blown up the airwaves

but now it was on something my Michelle was some shit when I got locked up that that was the album that one Bobby Brown fucking there was a couple albums that were hot but that was the big heavy album do you think you could bring your daughter

to the concert not a million fucking years what are you retarded no I don't know there's a four and a half year old girl gonna get in a guns and roses concert what are you fucking stupid you're just as dumb as these fucking people that do crazy shit

then they get shot in the head and they wonder why I would never bring my daughter with guns and roses fucking concert at four and a half what's she gonna get out of that late I don't know I didn't know if she wanted experience at four and a half it's just fucking dirty people and loud music

she doesn't understand that at four and a half okay I don't know how old she used to be no fucking age let her go with her fucking creepy friends really yeah let her go with her creepy friends unless she comes to me and says I want you to fucking personally take me

to a concert let her mother go do that stuff with them okay I mean that but I'm not gonna take her to see nothing until she's 15 and she knows what the fuck she's getting herself 15 okay sure I want her to know what she's getting herself into

I thought you I thought you love these like I thought you would just love like the music and want to not to bring my four and a half year old for four hundred fucking dollars around surrounded by 16,000 people leaving you fucking retarded or what what are you how for that we're one of those bricks in the fucking head maybe

no I don't want to take my daughter none of those fucking places just in case how does break loose I wouldn't bring no loved ones there that's why I was just asking a question I didn't know what the ticket cost I don't want to be involved in none of that shit anywhere where I can't but where bulletproof fucking vest

and a helmet I don't want to fucking be there you dig I feel you my days are done I'm 54 gonna be 55 in February I got one foot in the grave won a banana peel and I'm lucky I got to where I got to the last thing I'm gonna do is go some fucking where where somebody might have a piece to shoot

me outside to put a bomb those days are done with my UFC days all those days that come to a fucking end Johnny you even scared enough when I go to the fucking airport to check my luggage and all that shit when I'm going to screening I'm fucking saying a prayer all I'm waiting

for is for some guys go Ali Baba and my fucking dream come to an end and you want me to take my daughter guns and roses what are you fucking crazy I wouldn't do something like that if you fucking paid me those people who got shot in the movie theater and took their kid to see

Batman shame on you your kid don't know what the fuck he's getting himself into if you want to go with Batman helmets and be an asshole and take a chance Columbus did do that shit on your own leave your kid with your grandmother so at least he has a chance in life so at least the kid has a chance you're gonna be

an asshole and bring your fucking five-year-old kid to be cool the fuck out of here I don't even know what they get themselves into I play music in the car a little loud and Mercedes like daddy turn that shit off she doesn't like it no no nobody wants

to hear that shit at the age of four and a half I don't know I don't know what four and a half year old listen to they listen to fucking ice age whatever the fuck they'll listen to smurfs they'll listen to the other fucking thing what's the other one that they'll listen to the other one that drives her crazy all that shit they're

the kids stuff Lee okay taking a fucking figure was like a like older people just no Lee guns and roses still attracts this is LA you're gonna get every half-wit rich kid to put on a guns and roses shirt and rip it and make believe they even know

half the fucking story that's what they do in LA now that's what these kids do they don't know half the history they just want to be cool and tell their friends they went to the concert okay so they buy a G&R shirt they rip it and they go down they have they ever done a shot of heroin

for the first time no they ever do an A-ball on the chick's pussy while they listen to sweet child of mine no that they go see nobody they even they even go they even know fucking use your illusion one and two no doubt it but that's what they do they get dressed up they wear the outfit

and they go down and they make believe they fit in okay and a fan like you who really is somebody somewhere that really grew up a fan of those guys he can't afford the $300 ticket so who do you see there the Kardashians all with the get up on

with the fucking I love Pink Floyd get up you don't know dick about dick when Pink Floyd was slinging dick you were playing the organ in Armenia at the church or some shit and you want to tell me you know but you know what I'm saying it's just fake fucking people so when you go to the forum anything you do in this area

here you got to add that level of it up it happens in every city it happens in every city where people just go and they make believe and they yeah it was great what the fuck are you talking about you've been playing the violin for 30 years you know what I mean

it's just weird you don't know what yeah yeah I wouldn't go to that shit now every time I've gone to one of those things now I see tons of that shit do you like going in Jersey or do you like when I was a kid yeah no no no I don't go nowhere I don't know where what the fuck do I go where am I going I don't go

nowhere the coffee shop in the weed store that's it that's all I go home I go to jujitsu I go to my friends I fuck around with him I lift weights I go to the YMCA where do I want to go I don't want to go nowhere and get shot Lee that's true but you know where we went that was an amazing experience where

Red Robin no I had to go get some fucking clothes that too so if you want to buy fucking clothes in Los Angeles see when you travel you go to Texas when I go to Texas everybody close there twice a fucking year I have a whole fucking ensemble in Texas why because Texas

encourages the fat lifestyle so if you're fat you go to Texas you're going to get the baddest fucking clothes in the world once you stop going to Texas as a fat dude your clothes go to shit so I got to drive all the way up the woodland hills which is a fucking you know

thank god we wanted a perfect time because I got a time to a science you see what I'm saying yeah there's no traffic there was no traffic you got to go about 12 30 I went to the fat men's store I got some jeans couple nice winter sweaters because it's getting fucking cold here and there you know

you only need three sweaters when you live in LA people that don't live in LA don't understand that I got three sweaters and when I go on the road I bring those three sweaters because when do I wear those three sweaters on the road that's all you need I don't wear them

anywhere else my mom asked me if I would wear a leather jacket I was like no when it's 90 degrees here yeah no you don't wear shit out of you so all that thick clothes sits at the at the bottom of everything and you never look at it unless

you have to go east somewhere like Minneapolis or when I go to Columbus in the winter and you're going so people will go hey man you got last time you were here you had that same shirt and I go yeah that's the last time I fucking wore it like I probably took this home my wife

washed it I dry cleaned it and I never fucking wore it again so that's what fucking happens but to go back to what we were talking about earlier so whatever the 23 year old is it looks like you're having a hard time and I wish I would have done certain things at 23

that I would have you know what's crazy about 23 that it's one of those ages that even if you know what to do you're still not gonna fucking do it it's just one of those fucking ages that even if you leave me the map to the treasure I still wouldn't fucking get it that's how bad I was

and how unfocused and how undisciplined I was at 23 the more I think about it the more I think you just need to have the experience as annoying as it is you just need to put the time in in life what if you're 23 and you're living at home

and you're probably trying to get a job and you're not going for the right job because what are you gonna do if you get a job at a restaurant or a fast food joint how good are you gonna feel about yourself how good are you gonna feel about yourself you really you can't move out of your mother's so maybe you're stuck

and that's why I said that you really have to sit down and you gotta fucking be honest are you lazy are you fucking lazy do you like working well you know my friend he told me that his uncle had a truck company

so what you're telling me you're waiting no no no then you're all lazy sack of shit you know you ever meet those guys how come you're not working well because my brother's cousin's uncle said that he's gonna get me a job in the union

but I gotta wait till January so it's fucking October what are you gonna do you're gonna sit here for two fucking months and freeze to death these guys don't like that they'll wait for their fucking job then they'll bitch see in my world there was always a job

there has to be I was a loser I was an addict I was a lot of things but let me tell you something guys I could get a job in 48 hours I don't know what it was about me I could always

get a job it might not be the money you want no no no it could be a labor with brick I always knew how to get on the board you know how to get on the board that's how you get on the board and I didn't have to be a waiter like I took a bunch of fucking like I signed up for like

TGI apps to be a waiter course because they said you had to be a waiter first to become a bartender so I said fucking how about I become a cook and they go that's another way you could become a cook and then become a bartender I trained and walked out of there one day the fucking meat was disgusting

I wasn't gonna give that to human beings this is fucking 30 years ago in Englewood, New Jersey they had like a TGI or something right off the root floor there it was an old dumpy spot and I applied in there and these idiots gave me a job the whole time I'm trying to rob the register

they're teaching me how to be a cook and how to put shitty food together and sell it to the general public they were gonna let you touch the meat yeah they were gonna train me to be a cook you gotta be like a cook trainee for like three weeks then you become a cook they start giving you ships yeah I figured they'd let you touch salads

and do fries that's how you start you become like a sous whatever the fuck it is yeah you can't touch the meat yeah but the shit was disgusting everything was disgusting the salad was old I fucking walked out of there even back then and I wanted a bartender I walked out of there

I walked out of bartending jobs Jesus Christ I was never happy with fucking no job at all I walked out of high paying jobs I walked out of fucking union jobs oh my god you know what I think I'm gonna write a fucking list

of all the jobs I had and how I fucking quit or got fired I just didn't give a fuck and were you just making up excuses to quit like or did you... I'd make up excuses on the walk to the fucking job that's how fucking bad I was like when I went to Colorado

and got the electricians job that made me very happy for a time being I was bored with it but I liked being an electrician I really did when I went it was so weird when I went to New Jersey the money difference

was so surreal I was like I can't do what I was doing in Colorado for less than I was working hard even though I was making like 12 bucks an hour I was working fucking hard they wanted to pay me 650 in Jersey

for doing the same job and the fucking buildings and getting wiring and shit and seeing dead cadavers and shoes and fucking rats and stuff and they'd be fucking raccoons under the fuck you you have to crawl into people's crawl spaces

so not for 650 for 650? an hour like as a laborer I was like a good laborer I couldn't store fucking this and that I knew how to bend a little pipe give me a little more going back to Colorado

for going back to Cali and then I went back and I didn't even do it I never did it again I did something else like work in hotels I was security at a fucking hotel like I was a security slash driver at a hotel

who in 1986 who would hire me for a fucking security job guys I was in the prime of my my thiefing I was stealing things with my eyes

before I had them I was like oh I'm robbing these poor people while you're the security guard once I became a security guard I had the keys to the palace I had master keys and fucking side keys and double keys

Jesus Christ but I never got caught for clipping there I did it perfectly how can you confuse someone their stuff is gone? no I wouldn't take all of it let's say you had $2,000 in travel with checks I'd take $400

and you blame it on your wife I'm missing $400 if you had $3,000 in cash I'd take $600 nobody complains about that Jesus Christ or they blame it on the maid in those days I didn't give a fuck about the maid

you know that's how selfish I fucking was I worked for a fucking you know those people that lay black tar on the sidewalks the hot tar on the floor I worked for one of those people for like 2 months what happened there? that sounds dangerous

a score the weirdest thing happened it was the first job I got I moved from Jersey to Colorado they had a way to hard add the whole fucking thing and all you did was you had a wheelbarrow and they shot

whatever that shit the black thing has fallen you had to carry and dump it and then some little fucking guy would come over flat that's all I did the son had burned to death and they gave me a pretty good salary they weren't cheap

they were nice people moving to Snowmass Village this was really weird so I was embarrassed I didn't know who to ask it's like you saying to me Joey come live with me just give me $600 on the first

no it's the first I couldn't let you down so I said who can I ask and I said fuck I asked the boss because they paid every 2 weeks gotcha and when I wrote I tried to write the story

not really I just wrote it out as an outline how I gave him I went to him as a man and I go hey man do me a favor I'm gonna bind I'm moving and I need an advance and he goes well get me about a week out of corporate

I said no I need an advance like right now like in a day or two and he goes what if I give you the money out of my pocket I go perfect and he goes what I'll do is give me the money out of my pocket give me a check Friday out cash it and then I'll give you overtime on Saturday

the guy was real cool with me man that's really nice of him very nice the guy was nice to me throughout the whole time it wasn't a local company they were from out of state from somewhere I don't know where the fuck they were from so they gave me the money

not like a Wednesday or a Thursday and I got paid on Friday didn't show up that day so that Saturday when I went down there nobody was there and then that

Monday I went to work that everybody had been pulled back something had happened I never got a chance to give the guy the money back no way he had to go back to Texas something happened and they never called me back yeah

what did you like most about those jobs like the construction jobs you did I was 18 I was 19 I was built like a bull I was living in New Jersey I was doing nothing with my life now I'm living in Colorado and I'm getting sun

and I'm sleeping in a little bedroom and I got like one mattress and I maybe got five or six pair of pants I got a couple sweatshirts and I got maybe a couple pairs shorts and two pairs sneakers and a pair of winter boots I didn't have a TV in that room but I had that job

and that was way better than the life I was living in New Jersey I didn't have any mice I had a refrigerator you know but did you like the job itself like did you find the work satisfying at that age

yeah and then I got a job being a hottie that was the second time I was a hottie and I worked for Chip Chilson Masonry and that was a great job that was one of my all time favorite, favorite, favorite jobs and again anytime I liked something

it was fucked up when I didn't like something I could have stayed with it Chip Chilson was a a mason a fucking really good mason he had a good scam going on he was a mason

that did brick and but he had another guy who would fly in from New Zealand he was the artist he was a great guy so it was me Chip the guy from New Zealand and another dude that was a brick mason

and it was me and another hottie and then you both got promoted and they would hire other hotties and you became a brick mason for Chip Chilson but there was a problem Chip Chilson was a professional skier so he would take off every October

no fucking 15th you were dead no matter what he wouldn't have anyone take over for him no, he wouldn't let a job exist without him on the job because he didn't want to fuck up his reputation oh so fucking

that was that killed me and he would give you unemployment and then he would call you back like in March that's a long break and then he would give you double snow for a month

you'd just shovel fucking snow that's it and then I think April you started building but he would do you 60 hours a week from April to October he was solid nothing over 3 feet

that was a great job I was in fucking tremendous shape you're always moving you're always outside eight bricks in each arm carrying it up to levels with tongues with the brick tongues and shit

I loved that fucking job and at that time they didn't teach that course a lot of people didn't teach because everybody would tell you to do is to learn on the job but at the same time go to a Votek school and learn how to do it at night

wow so by the time you get promoted you're decent at it and the brick mason's union did the same thing the bricklayers did the same fucking thing they made you take an apprenticeship program you learn how to mix mud

add colors to it scaffold that whole fucking deal and then you became a mason's helper and you got a raise and when you became a mason's helper you were going to school the whole time they would pay you to go to school like six bucks an hour at night to go to school

who gives a fuck this is 20, 30 years ago people the union would pay you to take courses at the fucking union hall that's great and the more of those things that you took it was better for your career as a union electrician it like gave you extra credit

there's maybe extra credits and shit do you think that's why I think America's lacking right now I think America's lacking that Votek type of support well don't you think those kind of jobs

are looked down upon a little bit not a brick mason I'm not saying you look down upon it I'm just saying no no no no no it's a fucking job god for everybody who says there's no fucking jobs that's a job being a carpenter's a job

I 100% agree being a brick mason is a job but you always talk about the people who hang out at the coffee shops right those parents wouldn't want their kids to go be like that's not when they're sending them to the $30,000 you're kidding me

at the end of the day who gives a fuck I agree what you want your kids to be that's number one of number two the option to have that the option to between the age of 18 to 24 they're being a program because they were when I was growing up

it wasn't the best but you could go to a local community center and sign up and somebody would teach you a trade part-time and they try to get you a job with Pepe's electrical service who would beat you they wouldn't pay you

but at least it taught you it got you familiar with the terminology you're following me I don't know I don't look into those programs but those also programs that I think the fucking over the years

I'm gonna ballast like the fucking newspaper anyway like I told you guys in the beginning of the fucking show Gotham is sold out next week and this weekend in Omaha everything sold out except for Thursday night

so I don't know what you guys to tell you know I love you guys and I thank you for the support always and like I told you guys we've grown together so thank you like I told you in the beginning of the fucking show all right I'm excited that they're back

Thanksgiving is the time to express your gratitude and recollect on what you're truly grateful for right you invite your people to come over to the house Lee comes over can you imagine Lee eating and then taking one of those fucking tremendous half Jew

half turkey shits in your toilet that's why you get a little tushy bidet for only 69 with a risk-free 60 day trowel you know you don't want your fucking uncle or you know like your nieces

fucking married to a fat dude or something like that you don't want them going in there and fucking destroying your bathroom and in the stink last forever and they go through your toilet paper and you gotta cut down a tree forget about that till she will wash away all those mashed

potatoes with a gentle stream of water straight to your butt giving it the best clean that you've ever had in your life your fucking mufflo sparkle I mean you want people to leave their leftovers but not hanging from their assholes you follow me

so make sure you're ready for the holiday bum rush with tushy stop wiping with a fucking nasty toilet paper your toenail your fingernail goes through the paper next thing you know your finger yourself whatever it's a finger whatever the fuck it is

now what I'm gonna do is this make sure you're ready for the holiday bum rush with tushy stop wiping that fucking nasty muffler with that disgusting paper get a clean ass I mean sparkling with tushy so do me a favor go to hellotushy.com

right now you're gonna fucking love it alright you got a $69 with a risk free 60 day trial but days are back Lee still has his I still have mine I still use mine Lee still uses his correct the moon

I use it every day every fucking day we've had them for over a year and they're still ticking so listen for these people that you don't know what you're gonna get for maybe you're gonna go to your aunt's house instead of bringing a bottle of wine bring a fucking tushy and install it when you're there

so do me a favor go to hellotushy.com and use the code church C-H-U-R-C-H for 10% off your order again hellotushy.com keep that muffler sparkling but go to hellotushy.com and press encode church

C-H-U-R-C-H for 10% off your order number two you ready for this one because this is my favorite Lyft is the ride-sharing company that believes in treating its people better Lyft believes that being a ride-sharing driver should be fun

and if you're having a good time so will your passengers Lyft knows that their drivers are what keeps them moving so they do everything they can to make sure their drivers are happy on every trip I gotta go to the airport tomorrow

who do you think is driving me Lyft BAM I don't mess with nobody else Lyft is the way to go besides it's a simple formula right happy drivers means happy passengers maybe that's why 9 out of 10 Lyft rides get a perfect 5 star rating

you can earn hundreds of dollars a week plus tips you wanna earn more money drive more it's never been that easier to give yourself a raise Lyft was the first ride-sharing platform with tipping built right into the app because nothing gets

nothing because getting tipped shouldn't depend on your passenger having a crumpled dollar bill with blow on it in their pocket or whatever Lyft has even taken the guesswork out of pickups the new amp device uses color coding to help passengers find their drivers

you ever walking down the street and you see a nice Lyft car coming at you oh it's the best at night it's a beautiful and it tells you on your app what co-yours is and then when you get in it says hi for me it says hi Lyft

it's tremendous it does say hi Joey so here you go join the ride-sharing company that believes in treating its people better today and get a $500 new driver bonus that's lyft.com slash joey today and get a $500

new driver bonus again lyft.com slash joey limited time only terms apply I'm telling you it's a simple formula lyft.com slash joey Lee look at the shape here

I wanna thank you savages for listening you know I love you guys I'm gonna be sharing the list goes on and on I love you all with all my heart we'll be back here Monday with our main man Monday 8 o'clock

don't forget about it stay black Lee thank you very much have a great weekend and your people at home have a great weekend kick this meal Lee music music music music

music music music music music music music music

music music music music music music music music

music music music music music music How am I supposed to know? Hidden meanings that we'll never show

Moving profit from the past Life's a stage and we're all in the past We gotta believe in someone Ask him who we're right Ask him who to follow the darkness I don't know I don't know Nobody ever told me

I bound out for myself You gotta believe in foolish miracles It's got how you play the game It's him who will not lose You can't choose Don't confuse We gotta live It's up to you

It's up to you Go, go, go Go, go, go Go, go, go Go, go, go Go, go, go Go, go, go Go, go, go

Go, go, go Go, go, go Go, go, go Go, go, go People have to be insane To see if they win is a final game What's the future of midnight? How do I know I've got everything I've got?

Everyone goes through changes You get to find the truth Don't look at me for answers Don't ask me I don't know