Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #531 - Wheeler Walker Jr.

Episode Date: November 7, 2017

Wheeler Walker Jr, a country music singer and the host of "The Wheeler Walker Jr. Podcast," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   Naturebox.com - Go to Naturebox.com/joey for 50% off of your first order.   Recorded live on 11/06/2017.  

Welcome Podcast Ville, Podcast Land, or whatever you consider yourself. The church of what's happening now is brought to you by Nature Box. Nature Box has over a hundred snacks that taste good and actually better for you. All snacks are made from high quality, simple ingredients which means no artificial colors, flavors, sweeteners, and especially no guilt so you can feel good about what you're eating. And right now, today, Nature Box is offering you the church of what's happening now, family. 50% off your first order when you go to naturebox.com slash joey, J-O-E-Y. That's naturebox.com slash joey for 50% off

your first order. Naturebox.com slash joey. Who's better than Nature Box? Nobody. Kick that fucking mule, Lee. Monday, November 6th. The time is moving. It waits for no one. The church of what's happening now. Wheeler Walker, Jr. Happy to be here, man. Johnny Hanukkah and your Uncle Joey Diaz. Johnny Hanukkah, that's a new one. But first this one here for you right here. Kick that mule, Lee. Are you crazy or what? Reading is my brother? How are you this evening? I'm good. Am I crazy

though, you're asking? No. How good was that? Fucking killer. People don't know. We just watched about 20 minutes of Skinner and Almonds and Stones. But that Skinner fucking still in my head right now. I tell people when they're confused to just put that on and think about the scenario. I want you to think it's Oakland. It's not Kentucky. It's not Nashville. It's Oakland. It's a stadium. Is that where that gate was? Oakland. So it's a stadium. It's 1977. They were at their peak. Let it Skinner. It's a stadium. So it's part of those days they did tours in the summers when I was a kid. Like the first show I was. Did you ever watch Skinner? No. I saw Ted Nugent with Aerosmith, Frank Merino, Mahogany Rush, Toto and somebody

else. That's the first show I ever went to at the Meadowlands. We walked there and walked fucking back. I could hear Ted Nugent's guitar on the walk home on the fucking Turnpike. Crazy. Cause we left early cause one of the guys was getting sick on the ass. We're like on the fucking seventh grade. I love that that's like a throwaway. Like oh yeah, we're on acid and we're 12. A lot of my friends had tickets for Skinner at the garden before they died like two weeks or a week before they died. Have they never made the gate? No. They were opening for Ted Nugent, but they were about to get switched. They were about to and we've had this discussion on here years ago that I always tell people seriously

what would have the turn been if Skinner would have lived. If Skinner would have lived, there would have been no cars. All those bands would have never survived in the early 80s. They couldn't, they couldn't keep up with that shit. No, no, no. Skinner was about to take and then Zeppelin dies. So once Zeppelin goes down, Skinner is right there with the fucking stones racking up cause. Well, I didn't know until you played to me that Skinner'd open up for the stones. Skinner'd open up for the stones at the festival and that's when the word got out. Listen, those fucking country motherfuckers, you don't want to be. Well, those albums are fucking rock solid. Rock solid. Yeah. The first two, the first

two especially. Now, where'd they, where'd they, the doctor, didn't they do those at the famous studio? No, I'm wrong. They did some shit at Muscle Shoals. Muscle Shoals. Yes. They did. They did. But yeah, I don't know if they did the, they did the albums with, I'm trying to remember. I think it was the guy who played keyboard with Dylan. What's his name? The producer was Al Cooper. Was that his name? You know, I read one of the books. So I think it was a fuck those book Keith Richards and they taped a lot in Tennessee and at Muscle Shoals. Yeah. Yeah. They did a lot of that shit. They did. They went down to, they did a, they also didn't they show up at chess

records in Chicago? Yeah. They did some shit. They definitely went to Muscle Shoals too. It's crazy. The Stones would go on tour and they would do a club in like Parsepina, you know, like Poughkeepsie, New York. Al Cooper. Al Cooper. They would do like to warm up some girls. They did like three shows around the country. You and I were just, you know, deacon out over. We would have that Blu-ray of the Stones and some girls in Texas. Yeah. And they ripped it up on that. It was great. It was fucking killer. They ripped it up. And people don't know that the Stones were still fucking killer in 1980. Yeah. I saw them the first time in 78 and Farron opened up for them at Philadelphia. And I didn't even know

what I was, I didn't even know what I was getting myself into, bro. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like at that time I had some girls and get your yaya's out if you want me to lie to you and tell you the truth. I had two albums by the Stones. I knew sympathy for the devil and I knew a couple of other songs, but that's the two albums. But did that with that show? They were tremendous. He came out with an American flag on, started dancing. We were doing windowpane acid. Keith Richards was fucking sensational. Just sensational. He just whips it up on all those some girls. I mean, his guitar live is so overpowering from that little, you know what I'm saying? Like the way they tune it, the way he's got

that weird guitar, he's probably now he's got like a weird open G tuning that he uses. But anytime I'm confused, I put that Oakland tape on. If I'm going to go to perform and I'm a little nervous about the show, you put on this is the skinner one, the skinner one from 77 because YouTube, you mean YouTube anywhere I am, I got YouTube and I will put that video. I got to start and look at the singer, look at the guitar player, but you're totally right that they got that don't give a fuck. The whole message that they're sending is we don't give a fuck if this is Oakland or we're rehearsing in our barn. We're going to rip it up. Like you understand me? You're

never going to hear from us with our Southern mentality that we're never going to give you a bad show. And people didn't see it, but there was a fucking, you know, they had to put the fucking president's on it. It was like Mount Rushmore. Tremendous, tremendous, tremendous. It was crazy. The whole fucking video, every time I see it, I cry. If I'm home alone, I'll cry because that's the level you want to beat as a comic that you go out there with his fucking belt

buckle and his boots on in Oakland, California. Well, as a musician, I will say it's a little, I wouldn't say depressing, but it's kind of like weird. It's like to know that you're, to see some of your never even close to is kind of a bummer. Oh, as a human being, as a human fucking, but how do you think I talk? I was, I was a week away from Zeppelin tickets going on sale and I was ready to go. I was, I had all the bassist cover that had all the albums I had in through the outdoor. We were ready to go. They were ready to announce it. And all of a sudden fucking bottom dies. The wind

got taken out of me. I was at Marfan Joe's, a little sandwich joint, but then McGuire Chevrolet of Kelly Boulevard. It was owned by Fafaro and Joe Jumper, Marfan Joe's. So fucking I'd go in and they had the best Taylor Hammond egg in the fucking state of New Jersey. And that's where I was when I got the news and my heart almost broke. I don't remember, I don't remember, I wasn't around, but the second he died, they just, they just disbanded right then. Yeah. They said it was over.

Yeah. I mean, it should have been. Nobody, nobody really knew. At first Robert Plant went solo and he did a fucking great tour. October, December 9th, 1983. Me, Furnie Basasudo went into the garden on a Tuesday night and saw a fucking Robin plant with Phil Collins playing the drums. Oh yeah. Phil Collins used to play drums in a lot of crazy. Yeah. He used to go on tour with crazy people. Phil Collins and that album, that one album by Robin Plant, the first two solo albums. I'll get, I'll check those out.

Did you guys try to memorize this stuff? Like, you know how like, like you can memorize songs? I lived it. So it's not like a piece of history. So you didn't memorize it? You just know it. No, you, you fucking live it. I lived all this shit. I just don't, I don't know what I'd do if I had to zeppelin tickets a week before fucking

No, no, I didn't have the tickets. Tickets were about to go on sale. Oh, okay. In those days, this is how they did it. You mailed your tickets it. Your money in. There was no lines. There was no, no, no, no, no. What was it? What was the, what's the movie, the song is the same? Yeah. Where they, they, they get, they get ripped off, right? Yeah. Yeah. They get ripped off.

Cause they had the optimized square guard money and cash, right? Right. And they charge upfront. So when they called the, the arena in Nashville, they go, okay, tickets are going to be 15, 12, 50 and 10. This is the section. This is the amount of the seats. When are we getting our money? And the people would say, what are you fucking kidding me? Yeah. Yeah. We pay, we're getting full. There's no deposit here. Let Zeppelin don't take the deposit.

Yeah. Who is that crazy, that crazy manager that had? Yeah. That fucking gangster. Yeah. He would show up and he just, he would just take six foot fucking six. It's like two million dollars in cash. Just put it in the fucking. Three 10. Yeah. He was in on it. He was in on it at that time. That was a great little fucking thing they did. And that was nothing. Zeppelin was getting paid big money. Like they had a fucking plane with a fireplace and that motherfucker. Yeah. What's that DVD that came out actually recently that had all that shit? I don't

know. It's just, I think it's called Led Zeppelin. Just that, you know, I'm talking about that like four CD, you grew up a music fan, right? Oh yeah. That's all I live for. Yeah. And it's funny. I like some of the old country stuff and I like some of the new stuff, the country women that sing the two blondes fucking destroy me. The one angry one is fucking sensational. I get their names confused. Then there's the one that married the Tim McGraw. She's a fucking savage too. Oh, Faith Hill. Faith Hill is a savage and the other little tiny blonde. She'll fuck your world up with a voice. I

love all that shit. But I saw that you tweeted me. Listen, bro, let me talk to you from the heart here. All right. All right. Here we go. About 10 years ago, I was watching TV one day in a hotel room doing comedy and I was high as a little girl and I started going through the channels and there was an episode of Hannah Montana being a radio DJ and faking that she was crying and she was getting a sponge and playing on her face and she had to know how old she was. She was a kid. I was too stoned to switch the channel and I laughed so fucking hard. She reminded me like a goofy Lucille ball. So from that time on anytime Hannah

Montana was on the kids show, I would fucking watch it. Yeah, I was gonna say I loved her as a fan. I love Miley Cyrus. I don't know. I'm not gonna say I'm a Hannah. I've never seen Hannah. Oh my God. It's true. She's fucking great. But anyway, I'm gonna go binge watch and then somebody sent me something one day. They go, you know, they go listen to this and it was like on you. I wasn't even on YouTube. It was one of those videos they post on your thing. You got to download something and she was singing some stuff. Is that the Jolene you're playing on? No, this is what before the Jolene that he sent it to me and I didn't it wasn't a

video. It was a audio file. I was like, who's that? And he goes, that's Miley Cyrus. And I was like, bro, that fucking girl's talented. Something about her always rub me. I just read today that her fucking her. Did you watch that sign that live? When I found out Miley Cyrus was on the sign that live, I watched the Miley Cyrus video before the UFC. Okay, that's how much of a fan I am because I wanted to see her music. Find Miley Cyrus season opener sign that live. This bitch is a savage. No, she's fucking good, man. And I stick up for when all my friends tell me this video that she did, like after they did it,

her single is still on the top 50 and the album's flopping and then blaming it that she stopped smoking pot and married that fucking dude. Well, that's part of it. That's fucking positive. I was trying to get her to be in a video a while ago, but apparently I found the word I got was she'd quit smoking pot. She ain't doing stupid shit. I used to see her right over here. She used to be at this weed store three times a week with a little brother on North Hollywood next to the theater. Yeah, you got to keep smoking that weed. And once she got off the weed because she started dating fucking Hulk's brother, whatever, fucking

Mad Max's brother. I fucking know these big one dudes no more. I would die for you. Is that it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. One of them. Whatever. What? Miley Cyrus is no joke. As dumb as people think it is, she grew up in that shit. Dolly Parton's her fucking godmother. Yeah. Well, Billy Ray's from Kentucky. Right there. Bad mood. Bad mood. Just watch the first minute of bad mood. It's a corny fucking song in a while. I don't know this song. But watch her perform, guys. I always wake up in a bad mood. I always wake up in a bad mood. I can never fall asleep. I'm always thinking about you.

I would be every day in me. I always wake up in a bad mood. Open my eyes and I'm on my face. Then I wonder what you would do. Yeah. If you couldn't rely on me. Shame fucking around, guys. I think she showed a pussy. That killed her. Once you show your little monkey, there's no reason to hang out no more. Where'd she show her pussy? Yeah. Once you show her pussy. Where'd she do it? I think she did something. She got naked somewhere and that could have killed the two. I always tell fucking people, don't show your fucking monkey. Because once they see your monkey taking the ass, they stop calling. That's rule number one. Guys know that. I'll tell

you what, that was pretty fucking good. Bro, she does not fuck around. And that Jolene that virgin and Jolene. Jesus fucking Christ. So no, no, no, no, no. One thing about her is everybody else shows up on here. They take three acting classes. This chick was born with it. She could do comedy. She could fucking sing and she could fucking act. She's only what? 20. She's got more money than God. So she could take chances and she will take chances. She don't give a shit. I don't think no, she don't give a fuck. That's why she's so good. How far is sitting there going? Jesus fucking Christ. I gave away some expensive fucking, I'm a savage. He is a savage. Oh yeah. He tried to pick in a naturally, tried

to pick up my aunt once. No old days, she said. Was she hot? Yeah, she was, yeah, she's pretty means my aunt. So it's kind of, you know, hard for me to say, yeah, I think she was hot. We all have hot aunts and she, you smell their bras when you're like eight and I didn't smell a bra. Again with the bra smelling. You're the only one I've ever heard knew that. I've never smelled a bra. The only one. Every time he talks about a bra, he gets like, look at his eyes. When I was about 11, I used to sniff my aunt's bras in Miami. 92. She was born. And from time to time, she leaves. 92. I was wacking off in 92. Yeah, she'd leave a little hot water bottle with a little period stick with the tube and I'd sniff the

tube. I'm a kid from the seventies, dog. I had to find sexual pleasure in another place. You know what I was thinking? You know, I'm so, why I'm so happy to be back here. If you don't mind me saying is I was leaving because last time I was, the first time I was here, I mean, I do all these, all the, I'm doing birds tomorrow. I like, I love all these guys, but I was, when I was taking the Uber home last time, I was pretty really stoned by myself. Oh, we offing you a star? I ain't touching a star. I bought some reef food. I'll take some weed. Yeah. You won't even touch it. No, I, I, I, I, so what you, how many stars you eat? Whatever you threw at me. I think it was eight. Once you see that, once you see that video of Lee, once you see that video of Lee,

you ain't touching whatever he's touching. This is, we're going deep to that question. He's throwing me two more at the moment. Look at, look at, they just stuck to the table like Spider-Man guy. Lee. Those are yours, Lee. Look, like this. No big. You had like three left. You had like two and a half. I had nine. No, you didn't. I had three. I had two batches. I had two batches of two and then two batches of three. So what's that? Two and two and three. That's fucking 10. This is 12. And I had a two sheet and I ate a 100 milligram. Lee, make sure your report, man. Because I did an extra five minutes of hip escapes today at the YMCA. So fuck you, cop sucker. And after five minutes, when do you? Don't worry about that. Eat the stars. Don't ask

questions. You know what? I was making a point here that I was, I was, I was stoned in my Uber home and I was thinking why I dug it so much and getting to the point we were talking before. I was like, you know, we don't have Joey Coco Diaz's in Lexington, Kentucky, you know? I think that's what I dug so much about is like, you know, like doing, I love Bert, I love Tom, but like, I kind of know, like those guys I know, like there's no, that's why I'm approving of you moving to Lexington. There's no, Lexington needs to Joey Diaz. What would I do? I don't know, but you brought it up on Rogan. Do we do a radio show together in Lexington? Wake up Lexington? Well, I don't know if I want to move back, but if you move back, I gotta move back. We gotta be

roommates. Oh my God. If we get to a radio show with music and then we're doing a radio show in the morning. Have my mom make us dinner? No, yeah, 730 and then from 730 to 9. So for people who don't know, you said on Rogan the other day, you don't want to stick around here too much more. Too much longer. And there's two places you're thinking about moving. And I stopped in my tracks. Listen, I had my headphones on and you said Colorado or Lexington, Kentucky out of nowhere, my hometown. You say you're going to move there. Well, my family, I have family in Paducah. I have family in Nashville and I have family in Bradford. So the problem is, if we move to Bradford, it's like Puerto Rico. I mean, they barely got electricity. You know what I'm saying?

You go get coffee at the gas station and it's like, but they got Lee's chicken. So Oh yeah. Lee's chicken. Hey, they got Starbucks and they got a DQ. So I'm in the town over, but there's nothing. I have to drive two hours to fly home. Nashville, my niece lives in Nashville, who I love dearly. So Nashville always. The problem with Nashville is it's just growing so fucking fast. Like it's not like it's not as expensive to buy a house. It's not as expensive as LA, but it's fucking closer than you think. No, I know. And then you have Paducah. Paducah's nice, but you could in Lexington, you could buy a mansion for not much. Please. And Lexington is as soon as I saw the Christian, what is it? What is it about Lexington that you like?

In my heart, the calmness. Yeah, my anxiety goes down. Now that day there, they had stabbed somebody on the other side of town. There's a bad side of town in Lexington. I wasn't aware of it until I watched the news leave. What's the matter? You go back to out of space again. Did you put something on that star? Cause I did. What did you put on it? Don't worry about it. You don't mean you never trusted you with Vaseline on his fingers. I've never seen it happen this fast. No, I'm not puking. So no, no, no, no, I didn't put none on it. What's the matter with you? You're my brother. What may I put on it? I don't know. I don't know. I remember something left over on my fingers this morning. I would never do that to you. Yes, you would. What are you talking

about? You have animated cartoons of them telling you about you switching rappers, which I think should be a federal offense. Do you want to call the cops? I should, but. Are you seriously gonna bar? No, I don't think so. Let me explain something. Don't even mention calling the cops in front of me. I'm 39 episodes in of Hota, Hota JJ. Oh my fucking God. I am 30. Now look at me. Do I look like I watch TV? I downloaded it for plane rides only and the hotel room and what do you do? What show? It's the show. If you click in Narcos and you look around, there's a bunch of shows now, but a friend of mine goes, listen, what's that JJ? He was Pablo Escobar's number one Sicario. He killed 250 people and was responsible for 3000 deaths and he turned himself in. They

gave him seven years. Samuel Gravol is scratching his head going, Jesus fucking Christ. Well, his lawyer fucked him over. Is that the right show? I think so. I don't know. I'm gonna store. That's the worst. It was like the first episode. Something happened, right? Something that we had happened. Tremendous. I want to watch it now. But it's in Spanish. I ain't got time for that. Yeah, you got to read the fucking fine print. I don't watch TV to read. Read either. It's a nightmare to read it, but I still read it to check up on this Spanish. You know what I'm saying? I don't want them slipping, throwing shit at the general public. Yeah, I'm Cuban. Oh yeah, that's right. The Cuban Redneck. They got two Cubans restaurants in Lexington.

How fucking crazy is that? What restaurants? Can you look them up, Uncle Joey, please? I think I might have to go to Yelp, though. Where else could I go? Google, Google, two Cuban Red Lexington. Cuban restaurants in Lexington. I feel, I'm sure I've been. Hey, there's two Cuban restaurants. I want you to go next time you're there to go to Joe Bologna's. I want you to test out. Have you ever been there in Italian place? When? In town there? In Lexington. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. It's like an old church. I ate next to the fucking hotel, next to the comedy club. Yeah, I've never been to that comedy club. That fucking food in that little restaurant. It's kind of gross. Yeah. No, it's delicious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy took

good care of it. And guess what I had? Something I don't eat anywhere, but the dude goes, well, people drive me up for this shit. And he was absolutely right. Fish and chips. What? Fish and chips. It was so yummy because sometimes they give you... Hey, is that the place that's got the good biscuits? Yes, next to the fucking whatever's next on the Broadway. But they bring you biscuits ahead of time. If they want, I told them no bread. I just got the fucking... Shit, yeah, yeah, I tried those. The fish and chips was dipped and it's not that. You ever bite into fish and chips and you get two inches of batter? Yeah. I don't like that. No. I don't like no bad. I like the... They dip italy and it was just crusty around the thing.

They... It was like two big sushi sticks of fish and chips. Ooh, mama, with a little side salad. As I heard you talking about a pizza on... Sounds like you... You know, I don't know New York pizza on that ship, but I think Joe Ballona's in Lexington. Lexington is real good. I want you to try it next time you're there. It's called, excuse my pronunciation, but Brasabana and Old San Juan. Look at that. They got two fucking Cuban restaurants in Lexington, Kentucky. One of the restaurants is from a guy that sounds like me because that's how I got turned on to the whole Lexington experience was my brother-in-law went to Lexington. He called my wife and he goes, we went to a Cuban restaurant. The guy sounds just like Joey. Crazy. I'm going to go...

I'm going there. Well, I'm going for Thanksgiving, so I'll check it out. But it was green. It was beautiful. Yeah, the horse farms. The people were very nice. Do they have Cuban fried rice? I don't know how they look at the menu. Here's the deal, bro. Should bring it for a side dish. Here's the deal. And I don't want nobody to get offended here. When I go to a town, people will ask me if I want to smoke a joint. People ask me if I want to go to a bar. I'm telling you about America, okay? Wheeling, walking. I don't want you to get offended. Junior? Junior. When I go to any part in the country, people ask me if I want to get high, if I want to do blow. Women act like fucking jerk-offs. They have no respect sometimes,

even though I'm a fucking dirty old man. Sometimes even shocks me. When I went to Lexington, guess what people were asking me? What's that? If I like to come over the house and eat dinner. Really? When I like to come over the house and then mama would be there. Yeah, they're friendly people. It's a different animal. Listen, people give me their phone numbers, go, man, next time you come to Lexington, I got a boat you could stay on. I'll leave you the fuck alone. You know, shit like that, that people in the country say to me, people want to get high, people want to do this in Lexington. People who just listen to a fucking podcast or invite me over to the house for their mama to make a home and brought their mama to a fucking show.

I don't know if it's good food, but my point is that fucks with guys like mine head because I've always looked for that. Yeah, because that's what I was saying. Did I go to their house? No, I didn't have time. I was only there for three days, but I brought like seven phone numbers home and I stapled them just because that's a different feeling, but that's old America. Hey, man, you don't need to stay at no hotel. Man, I got a bed and him and his wife looked at you. We got a bed room over there. Cable TV, our dumb ass kid, little guy in the fucking Louisville Bay Red. You know, that type of shit. Yeah, you don't get that other place. Yeah. Which you look at and you judge it first, you go, what the fuck? And then you go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

wait a second. This is America. Yeah, because that's weird because that's all I know is, you know, born and raised in Lexington. So to me, you know, where you're from all that New York shit, that's the shit that blows me away. I don't even understand it. No, it's a different. Imagine like that where you're talking about what those people would invite you to dinner and then spend a weekend in New York playing a gig. It's fucking, it's like I'm on Mars. I think a lot of people on from each place are just terrified of the other. Like when I was going to drive to LA, people were telling me like to not stop in like southern towns because I'm Jewish and like, like it'd be like don't stop for too long and be careful what you say. And

they were like, yeah, it was the nicest. Like it was the it was like the most welcoming. I like experienced the entire drive. They were even like even like cashiers of the gas station were nice. Yes, because you got you got to be nice. You can't fuck around those small towns. Let me tell you something. I'm 205 West 88 Street, raised to the third grade. While at the same time I was being raised in Union City, New Jersey across the bridge, while at the same time I would spend my summers in 148th Street and then in Miami. I've been away from there officially on and off since 83. I went back in 93 to try comedy. I've been gone from there since 1993 officially. What's that, 27 years, right?

Yes, 20, 24 years. I am un-New Yorkerized, which means that even though I'm going home to see my family and put flowers on my mother's grave and do the things I do, I'm a fish out of water there now. You don't feel at home there anymore? Not at all. And as a matter of fact, I like Gotham because it's not on a main avenue. It's in the middle. When I go to do the stand and all the other clubs in New York, like when I go uptown, comedy club, whatever, that place I go down 77 Street, it's too close to the corner for me, brother. And when I stand close to the corner, the speed of the cars going by, it takes me a little while to acclimate. Well, I still fucking I try not to do gigs there. I can't. I just can't live in traffic here. So I don't remember the

realization of people doing 90 anymore on a fucking side street. So I'll never forget being at the stand one night, but more at the other club. I'm off a Broadway. It's 30. It's 20 yards off Broadway. And I remember going to the corner Lee and it was like, I think I called you. I couldn't breathe. I wouldn't tell you. I just wanted you to talk to me about something. I asked you from what anxiety? Yeah, the cars moving, the speed, the lights, the horns, the whole fucking noise of that city. I grew up in that city and it brings back like not bad feelings, but feelings how I used to feel when I lived there, when I was 19 desperate, you know, always looking for the next fucking meal or the next pigeon. You think it kind of gives you like what we were talking about before, like kind

of the bad memories of the drug days and shit like that? No, it's a bad memory and fucking everything. My mom just died and be me and a kid. You know, I would have walked around the city with something that was stolen. I would sell it in different parts of the city because only then I wouldn't get traced. I got a good mink. I had some Jews. I take it. I got a diamond. I got a couple diamonds. I had a few different Jews that there's no paperwork. They pay your cash. You got to wait for 20 minutes because they got to go on the floor. See, that's what I'm saying. We don't get these fucking stories in Kentucky. But there ain't no minks and selling the sound minks to Jews in Kentucky.

No, I'm just saying like it's uh, it's those and their fun memories. I have a lot of fun memories. When did when did when do you start feeling this way? When I land, I'm cool. When I go to Jersey, I'm cool. When I go to eat and I see Georgia lubes and gear the first night and those dudes, I simmer down a little bit. It's Friday when I go into the city. These are big shows for me. Like this has got them 300 seats. I can't go in there and fuck around. I got no fucking material, you know, so it's going to be a fucking fun day. He literally said that driving down to record every CD we ever recorded every every show I've ever been to. Well, I got four CDs. I'm two for two bombs and two of them are men's. I'm one.

Yeah. Well, the first one was the one you were talking about. Yeah. I got a question. So when you got when you do like you talk about like, what do you say when you're doing clubs? Like it's training or something? What's the word use? Working out or something? Yeah. Like, do you do do you wait for your big material for like the big, like the like, but do you do see it bigger shows or no? No, let's say, let's say I got three things on a piece of paper. I have been thinking about I went to the store and I tried to I had five to start off with, but I went to the store and I threw two of them in and they bombed in between good stuff, right? Like you hide a joke and you it's a Sabbath. It's a sabotage. I listen for the reaction. If there's no reaction, I try

to rewrite the attack or sometimes I just forget it along the way. So I focus on what I have. So when I have two weeks of those that I have nowhere to go with them, I'll bring them to the ice house and just talk. This last time wasn't a good one because I was forgot what I had to talk about. I lost my notes. I put them on a piece of paper and put them in the back of my pocket and the next day I could have on. Yeah, because I mean, I mentioned because we're doing my show here is is 2000 seats and I'm like, I actually brought it up. I mean, I don't want to talk about money or that ship. I was like, you know, I wonder if like, you know, Joey or somebody would open up and then it's like my my people are just like, you know, those comics, you know,

they like Joey could play that in a sleepy and can open up a show, you know, I'll come down there from in town December 3rd. I will call me tomorrow. Yeah, well, I gotta, you know, we got I got paid. I definitely love to do a fucking little country. Here's here's my here's my idea of another idea for an opener. Just fucking spotlight comes on. Lee takes a star, eyes roll back in his head, passes out, lights off. We'll have to get like, we'll have to get like a 10,000 milligram star made up or something. 300, 300 bucks. Yeah, I mean, like can I get like a drink ticket or something? Yeah, to 210 drink tickets. Let me ask you something, brother, what is your demographic at the show? What are you getting? That's a good quote. It changes everywhere. I mean,

West Coast is there's a little bit of the hipster ish. I already got we got one call about um, bikers want to do a ride down to the show, like motorcycle guys want to do a ride there. It's it's a real it's a it's a cool it's becoming a cool mix of like guys who love just crazy shit, country fans, kind of hipster dudes, bikers. We're finally getting women to show up, which is cool. The first tour I did was a fucking sausage fest beginning to end. Um, but these are these West Coast shows. Sorry to keep pipping my shows, but are like our four will be our four biggest four biggest shows I've done is all these are all theater shows. And we've been doing clubs for a for a in bigger it's okay. I can see I can

feel like getting bigger. And these this will be a nice way to end the year. I think now when you're in the south, do you do a lot of shows in the south? Yeah, I do. But um, I'll do I'll do Lexington. You know, every time I'm near near Lexington, I want to obviously want to play my hometown so I can see family and shit. But I don't know, the south has a weird reaction to what I do because like in Nashville's got it's like Nashville's become very hip, but also very corporate too. And I'm not really accepting on either side. The corporate guys are like, fuck you with your dirty shit. The hipsters are like, you know, you're not politically correct. They don't really, you know, so I'm kind of ostracized from both groups. So I try not to play

in Nashville. How's Louisville when you do Louisville? Louisville is good, but it's weird because the the the sports rivalry is so crazy that I'm not making this up. But like people like will just scream, you know, fuck the cats. I'm just like, dude, just a fucking country show, man. Like, we don't have to like sit like, but that's like their whole life is Kentucky versus Louisville. And they know I'm a Kentucky fan. So like guys will just scream fucking, you know, go cardinals and like, who's into sports? I mean, I love, I love sports, but like, who's into it that much to scream at during a fucking show? You know, listen, I did the show. I did a Lexington, the opener or some Louisville, and he was

fucking hysterical. I have to look at my phone and get his name. He, uh, yeah, I never saw any guy. I've never, I've never, I've never been, I've never been. I was funny. I've never even been to comedy on Broadway, but on Friday, he did this fucking rick patino joke and it was filthy as fuck and the place disintegrated. He blew the top off it. He said this joke. He goes, this fucking guy and he goes on and on about rick patino. He goes, how did it start? He goes, it started with him bringing the hooker into a fucking restaurant and then things get no worse. He gets her pregnant. What the fuck is wrong with you? You're rick patino. You should have fucked her in the ass. And I fucking, dog, I almost fainted. I almost fainted and the room

blew up. So I understand what you're saying. As soon as he talked about college basketball, the stakes were fucking up. It went up. Ears were up and they were ready to attack Jack. Because they're sitting around all year and then also basketball season starts and they're the center of the universe. So it's like the first time that they're in the spotlight, you know, is it because they have good teams? Like I would think the football game would be a lot bigger. No, but they're football teams. So let me do me a favor. Yes, sir. The Wildcats won in 1970 something, the NCAA 78 basketball. I think the guy's name was Jack the Goose giving Jack. Give him. Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with? Look at this fucking Joey bananas. These motherfuckers think

that I just fell out and he scored 50 something points. 42. Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with? 42. This kid went off on a Monday night. He went off against Duke. It was against Duke with Mike Jominski in the middle. Before Duke was Duke. Before, no, Duke was, yeah, before Duke was Duke. This was, it was, I had written letters to that coach, Bob, whatever was his name. And the line up was, oh, he had a good fucking team. He had Mike Jominski. And here's the beauty about Mike Jominski, at least I had the Jominski dad. He played in the finals and he was something like 17 years old because he was such a fucking scour that he had already done a high school. He graduated when he was 12. Like I'm 12. Like what do you want me to do? Like they

made them, they redshirt them for five fucking years. I didn't know the stats, but I don't, I would never, I didn't see the, yeah, look, see if I'm right. 42. Yeah. No, it was definitely 42. Made the cover of Sports Illustrated. Jack the Goose givings with a fucking layup and it said fucking Jack the Goose givings goes off against fucking Duke. And those guys, you know, that's their glory days and they don't, oh my God. And they don't move. They come back there. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no. Why would they? Yeah. People, they buy, they buy car dealerships, those guys, they get on fucking sports. It's a beautiful thing. I love it. I love all that. I think Kyle Macy was on that team. Is it Gibbons? Gibbons. Gibbons. Oh, Gibbons. Just put Kentucky Wildcats championship

in the year or come up. I've never seen him. I spoke Gibbons that bad. Oh, there it is. G-I-A-V-E-N-S. Gibbons. 41. These motherfuckers think I put it up on the big screen for secondly. I want you to put up the Duke, the 71 Duke starting team. Let me see you off scratch. It had to be Gene Banks. And then we didn't win it again until Mike Jaminski. I think 96. John Spinarkel. Listen to the starting team, Lisa, you know, put Duke 19, whatever. They played the, they played that fucking team. They played the Kentucky Wildcats. See if I'm wrong. Kenny Denard, Gene Banks, Mike Jaminski, John Spinarkel. If I can get four out of fucking five, that's a fucking memory, my brother. And I smoke more dope than fucking half of...

No, no, no. It had to be the next one. There was 77. 78. 77. Okay. 78. Whatever the team was. Where's my glasses? I can't, I couldn't name one of the Duke guys. All I remember is Jack the Goose givens. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, there it is. Who's the starting team? Who's the starters? Looks like finally. And John Spinarkel, Jim Spinarkel, Mike Jaminski, Gene Banks, Kenny Denard. I had three out of whatever. Kenny Denard was my coach at fucking five-star basketball camp. Oh, no way. And he used to show up with a sweatshirt with a skunk in the hood. A baby skunk. He'd go, don't hit me in the back because you'll wake up the skunk. And he'd show

us the fucking skunk. And the next year there he is against fucking the Kentucky Wildcats. Yeah, I went to, I went to Cal Macy basketball camp. Remember that guy? What was his name? Cal Macy? Cal Macy. Yeah, fuck you. He was good. All that shit. That, that was, I lived for that shit. But I know what you're, but like it really does, it controls the town to a point where like we'll play Lexington between songs. People just starts going, cats, C-A-T-S, cats, cats. It's like, come on, man. Bro, they live for that. Listen, think how simple your life is, that this is the thing you believe in so fucking much. If you're filthy rich in those towns, you donate this shit. Oh yeah. They support this shit.

If you look at the yearly fucking envelopes, it'll make your wig fucking flip. I agree with you that they polish it and scream it out at your show, but I love going to any sporting event in Boston. No matter who they're playing, no matter what sport it is, a Yankee suck chant will start at some point and it still makes me smile. I mean, I know what you're saying. It's kind of a athletic event, but not a fucking music thing. No, but it's kind of fun just because it's like, you know, what else are they gonna cheer, you know? I love if somebody just yells and you play with it. That's what you do. Turn it around and just play with it. Yeah. Sometimes they scream pussy king, which I prefer that. That's a good one.

Yeah. How's touring, brother? I was just saying, I mean, I'm a little bit over it, to be honest. As the shows get bigger and you can calm down a little bit more, it's been better. I don't know. I just think it happened a little too late for me, I guess. Like we were talking before, like I gotta like, I do like a month. I'll do like a, I didn't do what it's called sober October to whatever the fuck they did. Like I was like, I'm gonna, you know what, it's just for fun. I'm just trying to stay sober too. The first two days of October, I'm gonna, I'm gonna open up for Kid Rock in Nashville. Like I can't fucking stay sober for this. No. That, that. How'd that go? It was great. But the crowd, I mean, it was actually this festival he puts on called the Kid Rock fish

fry, which is, it was crazy. It was like, I've never seen people like, it's almost like they wouldn't let you in without wearing some kind of American flag apparel and tattooed guys. Everyone, it was debauchery, but it was fun. Do they really cook? Is there really fish there? Yeah. They unveiled the Kid Rock Madame Tussaud wax Kid Rock, which I guess that the Kid Rock fish fry is a big deal. But, but it was, but yeah, I just, it's not, you know, I can't be that, I can't be sober when everyone's fucking off their minds. You know, it's just weird when everyone's staring at me and they're like the 5,000, you know, drunkest fucking dudes I've ever seen. I mean, it was a fun show. It was just, you know, when you're on stage, what do you like to do?

A couple cocktails, a couple joints, couple tuts, tuts. I'll do a few beers and my thing is I'll do like three beers and a shot of bourbon and then maybe a little bit of, a little bit of weed. What's your bourbon of choice? Makers. I like that very much too. Yeah, I think there's some makers in there if you want to blast. I'm a Kentucky bourbon guy. Yeah, but I actually, I've stopped smoking weed before the show because I can't remember my lyrics. I'll wait till after now. I'll tell you what's a motherfucker when you have two shows and you get high and you can't remember if you said that joke already. So you deliver the kind of thing. Well, I never have to do that. Yeah. Oh my God, you gotta deliver a little tamely just to see if you said it even until somebody goes,

you said that already. It hasn't happened. It used to happen when I used to perform in Miami because there was one of those frozen drink places across from the improv and there was 140 proof, the one of them called a cab. You had to drink three of them. Why do you get the strongest of everything? Because we don't fuck around here. There was like an 80 proof that was chocolate. I mean, they were delicious. I have a show. Maybe I'll kill a small one. It was like, listen Lee, it was 1998. It was way before the Moca Tino and the whole thing. And these people in Miami and in South Beach, Wet Willys and in Charleston, South Carolina. Oh, Charleston's cool city. Yeah, they had these, you've never been there. They had these frozen drinks. There's

always chicks with bikinis. They got fucking guns. It's just like a frozen yoga place. Okay. What's this place? It's got frozen yoga places that you like. I've never been to a frozen yoga place. It's got girls with bikinis and guns. There's two guys buying, there's two bikinis behind the bar. They come over. How are you doing? It's like, who is for real? But where the guns come from? I don't know. I'm just, in my generation, run with me. What's all the questions? 60 minutes. So next thing you know, you have like the different proofs. Then there's this red stuff that's called call a cab that's made with grain alcohol. And they won't give you more than three of them.

And I would go over there early, drink one, maybe drink two. And then while the headliner was on, after I got off, I would go back there. By that time, my drug dealer would show up. I put the money on the bar, he throw the napkin on the floor and walk out. I look around, pick up the napkin, I go to Wet Willy's, get one of those little red drinks, walk to the condo 50 yards from the comedy club. I put a lid on the fucking Wet Willy. I put it in the refrigerator and grind up the coke, leave half of it at the condo for a victim, take the other half with me. You know what I'm saying? I got a load of the victim. I'm like, so those were the touring days. Yeah. I'm like Cosby on roller skates. You know what I'm saying?

I'm out there. I'm out there giving a yummy of this shit. See, that sounds like, you know, that sounds like a, that sounds like the days. I would walk through coconut grove, looking for a victim. And then I would bomb. Oh my God, you were the comedian. Yeah. What's going on with you? Oh, no. It's like the nice part of it. It was until, what was it? But by this time in 98, it was a fucking party. And then I didn't know it when I went down there. And one night I go, I'm starving. I can't sit in this condo no more. And all of a sudden it was like fucking people all over the streets and I went to eat and I bumped into some waiters and they go, come over here and one of them said, do you want to do a blast?

And that was it. That became my favorite spot. Like I was telling you, I've never played Miami. I would do Miami. I would do a Houston at El Paso and you develop these spots where you know you're going to be taken care of. You know the guy that's got the best shit. I had all their phone numbers and I would call him a week before I went down there. Yo, I'll be there Thursday, get the party started. Really? No shit. Can I get tickets for the show? We get whatever you want. Just bring the heavy fucking package. If it's a grand throw and extra two spoons for your uncle Joey, I'm running light these days. They come, I give them the money. By the time I got to the comedy club, I'd had the package in my pocket. I would not do it before I went on stage. So I knew that

whether I was opening up a Rogan or headlining in those days, it was all, I could do this shit. I couldn't get away with here because my wife was my girlfriend at the time and I lived with her and I lived together in Hollywood. So I couldn't go to bed with my heart pounded out of my fucking shirt with a victim next to me. You know what I'm saying? She would wake up and go, are you okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a couple of sodas. The caffeine really gets to me. So yeah, if I finished my package at two, I'd go to bed at four thirty. If I jerked off four times and smoked the fucking back and I have a cigarette and drank water to come down and fall asleep at four thirty. But those nights I want to snuck till

six. She'd get up for work and bust me. So I couldn't do those nights. When I went to Houston, Miami, I had all my little Myrtle Beach. I used to go to Myrtle Beach way back when as soon as I got to the club, this old guy with a ponytail would come up to me and put the package in my hand. Then he'd come back Sunday and I'd pay them when I get paid. That's how it went. That's how fast it went. Every city was down to a science. I had every city. By 1998, if I went to Michigan, there was a few places in the Bible Belt that fucked me. Clark, Tennessee. Something like that. Clarksville, something Tennessee fucked me. That was a Tuesday night. In those days, they were called something. It was the company who managed Carrot Top.

And they had a bunch. In fact, I'm working for them in Charlotte. Nice people, half and those guys. But at this time, they were a big management club, a big management team. They managed whatever I said and a couple other comedians. And they were the producers on that movie that, what I'm just saying, what was the name? Carrot Top made. But they had these rooms from North Carolina, from fucking the Bible Belt in West Virginia, where miners were coming with mascara in their eyes. All the way down to the Bahamas. If you want to go to the Bahamas, you could go with them. They still do it. I think they still book it. Don't pay no money, but you can take your family. You can't curse on stage.

Why not? Because as you sang, from the tail end of the fuck, there'll be a helicopter landing right next to you on the stage. They won't even let you back in your room. They go to your room and bring your possessions to you. That's how quick the party ends. There's no, I slipped. I don't know. It's got to be perfectly clean. It was when I was coming up. When I was a fucking feature act in 95, I was supposed to go down there. A week before that, the guy was supposed to go down there. His appendix blew up. Something happened to him, so they had to cancel the gig. And a month later, I was telling somebody the story, and they're like, listen, bro, you're fucking lucky. And they go, why? They go, you have to be

tip top spotless, clean at this resort. And I go, are you serious? And he goes, listen, they'd stop you on stage, ticket to the lobby, 10 minutes of helicopters there, taking you to the fucking ship to get you to fucking, I forget how they had to get you off, but they would get you off immediately. Why were they like that? Just because it was something, you concurred something. There was something going on. I never ended up going down. How funny do you find yourself in positions? When you came in here, you were very kind to bring your new album in. Wheel of Walker, Jr., congratulations. Thanks, man. But on the label, it says that you were banned from Walmart and somebody else and somebody else.

It's Walmart, Kmart and Best Buy. And you think about it. This is real country. This is real country. The lyrics are a little fucking off, but this is real country. Can you just explain how the banning process goes? Like, do you get like a letter that says you're physically... What they said was I needed to make, like a lot, all those hip hop apps are there, but they sell the clean versions there. They sell the clean versions. Yeah. So they told me, send us the clean versions. I go, I'm making no fucking clean version. And then you can't, like just sell the dirty version. They go, no, you can't be sold here. So I was like, I took the fucking... They said, they want me to put a,

you know, parental guide and sticker. I go, fuck that. Just put banned from all those places, sticker on it. Because I own my label. I run everything. I own the songs. I don't have to put shit on it, but I wanted... I paid for that sticker to put on, you know, banned from all those stores. And I wear it as a badge of honor. I don't want to... You know, listen, if a clean song came in my head and I wanted to sing, it's not like I'm just sitting down like trying to think of the dirty... You know, people come up to me all the time, like, I got a song idea for you, you know, you know, pussyfarts. I'm just like, you know, I need chords here, you know, like, I know, like, bad words. It's just not about the bad words.

Like, it's got to be good music and good country. So, like I said, if a clean song came... If a song came to me that wasn't dirty, I'd sing it. It's not that. It's just... When you pay for it yourself, I just sing what I want to sing. The stuff I want to sing is the shit. You know, the country, you know, in the old days, it used to be... Listen, it wasn't dirty, but it was like... It was the truth, you know. And nowadays, the truth is how we're talking right now. Fuck, shit. I just can't not... I can't talk like that and then not sing like that. It doesn't make that fucking sense. It'd be like, like you were just saying, like, you doing a clean show. It's like... Or if you... You paying to do your album and then, for some reason,

just telling Lee, you want to do it clean, you know. Wheeler, it's not like I'm a bad businessman. When I started, I bought the whole thing of hook, line, and sinker, being a clean comedian. People came to me like the fourth time when I stayed and said, you got a lot going on for you, but you got to get that dirty stuff out. You know, eliminate that fuck. And I started thinking about it like, you're right. And I started putting the suit on. Yeah. Right off the bat. By the time I was on stage the eighth time, I started wearing a suit to a contest. And then I wore another suit. And then the night I won the contest, I wore another suit. And then after that, I had a credit card from this one clothier. And I had like a thousand

dollar limit, those suckers. And I went in there when shit was falling apart. And I just spent the whole thing on suits and sniffed them as I was going down anyway. So for a year, I wore suits on stage. You played the game? I tried in Colorado. And I ate a bag of dicks. And then I took the same game to New York City. And I didn't do much better. You feel like people could see through it that it wasn't you? Yeah, I tried really fucking hard. And then one night I was driving a limo. And I used to have a boxing, there was a boxing gym on like 48th and eighth up the corner from Port Authority. And I would pay the guy like 20 fucking bucks to park for an hour and a half. And I would go upstairs, shower, had a little locker up there. I would hit the bag and do push-ups

and sit-ups and jump rope. And I would hit the pads with another guy for 20 bucks. But I could always take showers in the city and go on a move. And one night I wore a t-shirt. I didn't have a clean white shirt. I put a t-shirt on. And I put a leather jacket over. And I went on stage. And I just was going off about what was going on in my life. I tried that Judy Carter approach. Talk about what's bothering you, what kills you. And I went up there with that approach. And I destroyed that room. That was one of those points I was starting to think about quitting. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah, I know. I mean, I've gotten. You're starting to think about quitting. Well, I got off. I've had offers from like big record

label, you know, like clean it up and we'll sign you or clean it up and you can do this show. You can do that show. And I've just always been like, then what, you know, the money's not that fucking important. You know, it's like, I'd much rather do it my way and not, you know, censor myself and, you know, that means something to me to do it, you know, be myself and do it. But, um, but, you know, don't get me wrong. When they offer like a big label offers me, it hits me in the head. Like, you know, maybe just clean it up and try it. See you can get on the radio, live, you know, make that Billy Ray Cyrus money or whatever it is. But I just can't go, I just can't go through with it.

It's the sacrifices you make to be yourself because you know, and I know, we're a little wiser, we're a little older. You start to learn that you sell your soul a little bit. And it sounds great at first, but midway into what you get into, you start to losing. And that 10 years later, you're, you're totally different. You're a different person. Yeah. I took a chance. I knew right away. By the time I got back to Colorado in 94, I was three years into county. I knew what I wanted to do. Fuck the suits. Yeah. Suits were gone. Back to who I am. You can't put others.

Lots are all the great, you know, performers come from. It's just like, fuck all this shit. And they didn't, didn't Richard prior do that kind of the same thing. Yeah. He wore suits though, towards the end. You just, in my world, it was always, you can't put a silk hat on the pig. I just always, when I heard that expression, I'm like, Jesus Christ. And I knew that expression when I was like 15. Then they said, I'm good for those 10 years later or something, but you can't put a silk hat on a pig. And I always knew that for starters. One thing it did for me when I was, when I went to back to New York in 93 and I was an open miker, I was walking one day and who do I see walking, but Jay Leno.

And I go, Hey, Jay, how you doing, man? I'm a, I'm a starting comment. Can you help me out? He goes, just get on stage, brother. And I go, you know what, man? Someday I'm going to be on that show. I'm going to be the funniest Cuban you ever saw. And he goes, I know a lot of funny Cubans and he walked away from me. And for like a year, I had this fantasy of going on Jay Leno and doing a six minute clean set. And at one point I was like, fuck Jay Leno. Jay Leno could suck my dick. Let him, he could suck my dick. Everybody could suck my dick. I could still get on HBO and that's all that matters. In my world at that time, that's all that really matters is HBO. Once you hit HBO, they could all suck your dick. They all come running for you anyway. So,

but that's the decisions you make alien that a lot of people come up to you and go, maybe that's not, you know, people could do that all, you know, you can get on fucking whatever it is now Fallon call all that shit. Like, I can't, I can't, I'm saying, but they're telling me I have a chance because I sell records. But if I clean it up, I could go do that shit. But I'm just like, what about they beep it? They said they could, they won't, I guess the networks don't won't, they don't, you know, on a 10 second delay. Let me tell you something. Yes, they would. They used to in the old days, they used, we were just talking about that time. We were talking about, oh, you were here. You know, DICE's career really catapulted when he got banned from signing that line.

Yeah, they put that delay on it. Yeah. And he got banned from MTV. Something about not catastrophe is not a catastrophe. What's the word I'm looking for, Wheeler? Controversy. Something about controversy sells tickets when it comes in the heart and it's real. Yeah. Cause I'm not trying to be controversial. It's just No, no, no. Neither am I. I'm going to go up there and say what I want to say. And if we don't want to lie to me, that's okay. And I made that decision up in 2001. Well, it's a big decision to make. It's a big decision. It's just like, I'm going to go down. I'm going to, if you, my thing is what you probably yours is too, is like, if I'm going to fail,

I'm going to fail being myself. I did. I signed with his big time manager in like 97. And he was good. Do you ever have a manager that's better than you? He was better than me. Like he was getting me gigs that I wasn't good enough for. I wasn't, he was getting me into rooms, Jack. He was, he was getting me into movies, like met him black. He got me into men in black. Like he had me into it. Every huge director. If I call him up and go, Jeff, there's a movie that's coming out. He go, he look at it. I think I'll call you back. He call me back to listen. I just picked you to the director and he's going to produce it. They want to see tape. I told him, yeah, a little bit of a short

film and stand up. Let's send them that. And then one time he took a video of me in Miami. He was down the way on the cruise and it was the dirtiest set I had ever done. Hilarious type of shit when you're starting out. Like I'm roguing the other day when you're talking about the, like, I mean, that's the shit I love. Let me just talk about the guy with the ice in his mouth. That's all I'm thinking of. All the fag, the gay guy with the ice. Who blows you with the ice in his mouth. You know, it's, uh, it's really fucked up when you, when you make that decision

that you're going to work fucking dirty. Like that said, I'm done with. Well, I don't think, I mean, I don't think, tell me if I'm wrong. I don't think you made a decision to work dirty. You just made a decision to not censor yourself. Are there other country artists that are banned from places? Are you the only kind? I think I'm the only one. Yeah. That's pretty cool. Yeah. I mean, I've kind of carved out my own lane at this point, which I kind of dig. And for people who haven't heard, I actually was having lunch with someone yesterday who

works in the music industry. And he said he'll just, he loves listening to it because it's really good music. Like it's legitimate. It's like legitimately. Well, the thing is I, that was my goal. I said, at the time I had to kind of a bigger manager. I said, he goes, what do you want to do? I go, I want to go in and I want to make the greatest country I'm of all time and make it completely unplayable. That was my goal. Well, he's like, why the fuck is that? I was like, I don't know. I just like, fuck, you know, just see if I can do it.

So it was, I mean, I literally just made it for myself. You know, I was just like, I want to see how good I can be and how much I can fuck myself over in the industry, you know, and see if people will still come and listen, you know, and it worked, you know, so far it's been working. But you know, at the end of the day, a good song is a good fucking song. I mean, we were just watching Skinner. I mean, that that shit is so good, it's gonna cut through anything. It doesn't matter. They were saying shit or fuck, no matter what, doesn't get a fucking matter. They wouldn't even understand watching that people out here. Yeah.

When I used to send that to agents, I used to go, this will brighten your day. They would go, what the fuck is that? That's why it's Skinner brother. That's the music I grew up to. You know what you want to know? You want to know why I'm fucked up? Because I listened to that shit with a hit of acid in me. That'll send you to fucking Jupiter when you hear signing that special and that other one, the fucking walking up on me like a cat and all that creepy shit. You take a hit of acid, Tuesday's gone. Listen, man, when you fucking tripping and come on, what's the song he wrote for his brother?

Too good. He's written two songs that the opening lines have been brilliant. What's the opening lines to sign that special? I can't think about it. I can't think of it right now. Something about a fucking cat. And then look up the lyrics to a two feet, they coming creeping like a black cat do. Right. All right. That's the opening lyric. Okay. Listen to the opening lyric of that smell. Whiskey bottom brand new car. Oak tree in my way. Are you are you fucking kidding me? Are you a Hemingway can't do that shit?

No. Listen to read the first two lines of fucking that smell. Whiskey bottles and brand new cars. Oak tree. You're in my way. The next one. There's too much coke and too much smoke. Look what's going on and look what's going on inside you. The next one. Lee Reed's skin. Oh, that smell. Can you smell that smell?

The smell that surrounds you. What's the first track? Are you fucking kidding me? You know what that does to you when you're trippling, you're coked up because now you start smelling your shirt. There is something surrounding that. I got a black demon surrounding me. You know what I'm saying? I can't stop snoring and eating pussy in order to take out pizza. This is terrible. I haven't left the room in four days. And don't want to.

What's the first track on the first album? That one always gets me too. The one that freaked me out when I heard it was the first real Lennon song album I bought was at the raceway where I used to get the Congress sneakers out of the dumpster. From the fucking whatever. And it was, give me back my bullets. Oh, that's a killer song. When I took that album home, it blew my mind. And then I bought, because of the cover, there was another country band that was not on Lennon Skinner's heels. I argued to the death, somebody sent me an email one day that I was wrong.

There was two other bands that were on, they were on Lennon Skinner's radar, but they were not Lennon Skinner. No, I mean, none of that shit was closed. There was another three of them. So if Lennon Skinner would have crossed, once they, once they would have switched Ted Nugent and Lennon Skinner, it was off and running after that. Yeah, I mean, all those bands, there was eight bands, there was five that was solid, that were touring already,

and three little ones that were going to cross over with them. And there went away the cars, the B-52s. There went away all that music like Ozzy Osbourne, God knows what would happen with Ozzy's first album. Lennon Skinner was about to take over. Yeah, those, all those, all those record dudes in New York would have been probably flying out to Florida, Georgia, looking for the next Skinner and shit instead of, you know.

And they did, they tried this out, my friend's band. I ain't the one. I grew up with a fucking dude. Jesus Christ, he was very good to me growing up. In fact, I spoke to him a couple of times, his son's in a band, they're from New Jersey, and these guys did like the other guy. They did like the, not the worst guy, but the guy in the lowest scale in NBC comes on at one. Oh, Carson Daly.

Carson Daly. I just did that show, yeah. Carson Daly. Hey, ask me what Carson, ask me what Carson Daly's like. What's he like? Don't know, I didn't meet him. Hilarious. But he was on one of those shows, a band or something like that,

but I watched him and they had a little Southern flavor to him. I always liked that Southern, like. Yeah, you know there's a good Southern rock band right now, this band called Blackberry Smoke, you heard? Yeah, yeah, I heard them. Check them out. Yeah, they're good, they're good. That fucking solo that fucking Dicky Betz does,

where I said to you, putting that solo on, that solo destroys me. How he took his fucking neighborhood into those first couple chords. He just brought it. You could smell the barbecue, he took you there. Oh yeah, I'm going to check that out when I get. That shit, all those concerts live from the 70s, a lot of them you're going to flip off after the third song. These Almond Brothers' full concert, you got an hour to kill, download it.

Next time you take a fucking plane, put it on where you're from. Those guys lived, lived all, it was all about playing live back then, you know. Now, I mean, is there any new band that you give a shit about seeing live? No. I would, but not for $657, brother. Exactly, yeah. I thought it over, and I got to make a pass on it. You know, I got a family, I got mounts to feed, and I got to buy the CD and jump up and down.

Me and Lincoln do it, hit the ass and lock ourselves in here, turn off the lights, and get extra speakers, and take this to the night. Look how he looks at me, he's like, please don't do that to me. When I put on fucking Black Sabbath and turn the lights down, he goes, did you, did you, did you see any of the Sabbath reunion shows? No, I did not. I saw, I mean, it was good, but it wasn't a, I mean, you know, I saw the YouTube from this last video.

Now let's take everything into consideration. These guys were probably on their fucking 18th tour. They were all in their 60s and 70s. They're not even 40 and 50 like you and me, brother. They're 60 and 70. They performed every other night, twice a week. Watch Tony and Helmi's guitar on those YouTube things. Oh, he's still got it, yeah.

He's a fucking savage, and Bill Ward's a fucking savage. And Ozzy I love, I still don't know the mystery, whether he's singing, whether he's got a background. Well, someone told me that he, there's a guy backstage singing for him, but I told you when I sit, when I saw him, I said, if he's got someone backstage singing for him, I go, if he's got someone backstage singing for him, the guy took the night off, because he didn't hit one note on key.

He's 70 something years old. Yeah. I mean, I didn't bother me. You can't really drink and destroy your throat. You can't smoke. You know, they have like a something that they could shoot. Like I said, I know this dude and he knew testosterone. He's a testosterone doctor.

One of those age guys, and I asked him once, who comes here? Actors? He goes, my biggest market is musicians. Really? All these guys on tour. That's what they do to perform. A little shot, two times a week. Of what?

Testosterone? Yeah, a little. What does that do? It makes you recover fast. Okay. Okay. You know, do you ever see, I ever show Ozzy pours the bucket of water over him? Yeah.

You know why he does that? Why? He found out. I hope I'm not telling stories out of school, but this is what I was a, he's in continuity, pisses his pants. So they couldn't figure out what to do. They tried to the diaper and all that shit. You know, Ozzy Osbourne can't go on stage in a fucking diaper.

And they're just, and his manager's like, you know what? Just pour water over your head. You'll be soaking wet. No one can see a piss stain anyway. That's why he does that every show. That's crazy. Because he's pissing himself. You know, it's just those tours in the 70s and 80s and 60s.

Well, those guys, you mean they lived 30 years every week. Like my brother, Bob LaLingus, sent me a book about Jimmy Page, the three lives of Jimmy Page. I've been reading it for two months. I haven't even put a dent in it. But right now, the last time I read it, which is last weekend, this last weekend, it was about like one of their tours in 71 or something. And it was just pure. Oh yeah, it's like they should have been in cages.

Yes. They were fucking animals. They were animals. Like they just, it's when you're reading it, you're shaking your head. Like how they live, how, like the question is how do you, how bottom even lived that long? When you read those books. Bottom Keith Moon, Eric Clapton. First of all, Clapton, those guys were hooked on fucking heroin deep page.

I remember fucking Dean Delray showed us one time, Nebworth again, 79. You ever see that? No, who's that? Led Zeppelin doing the killies last night after the show. We'll put it on for you. Jimmy Page is being held up by the bones in his fucking shoulders. He's down to 80 pounds, brother. The heroin had him fucking deep.

He was on heroin. Oh, now when he went back to Alex the Crowley's cane. I was going to say, yeah, didn't he? And sat in there for three fucking years. He lived in raping that woman and fucking, you know. He was living in an Alistair Crowley's place, living with a little girl. Yeah. He was up there fucking doing evil things.

Hey, I ain't mad at him. It's his business. Yeah. People lived how they lived in those days. Makes the stars look pretty tame. The stars are animals on tour. But I read an interesting story from Keith Richards book about the chick, the blind chick who used to come to all the shows.

And Keith Richards found out she was blind. So he'd pay the guys that carried the stage hands to take her from spot to spot and take good care of her. When he got busted for heroin, the little blind girl found out and she hitchhiked to Canada and found out who the judge was, knocked on his door and explained to him who Keith Richards really was, the type of person he was. He looked after her on the road when she was just a runaway

and she wanted to follow the band. He never tried to fuck her. Made sure nobody fucked her and fucked with her. And the judge took the case into consideration. You know, he took the case. Yeah, man. Yeah, I thought that was life. They're savages.

Listen, we all know what we bump into, what I bumped into over the years. I know the people I bump into now are a lot better than the people I was bumping into 15 years ago on the road. I mean, there was nights I couldn't get a hold of my deal on a foreign town and I got a monkey on my back. It's four in the morning. I got a check on the couch.

Well, I just got ready to fucking take off her panties and we realized we're down to a grandma blow and this ain't gonna, I got to stick some in her asshole and suck it out. You know, I got to do evil things at six in the morning. Daylight's coming. And you got to do some evil things in the middle of the night, bro, knock on doors. It's horrible.

So you were pretty, you were, you were pretty, at your worst, it was pretty bad. Yeah, I was going to eat in the morning when I was on the road. What do you think? Sorry if I'm at being too personal, but like, what was the worst do you think? Just like, could you, was it, so how, was it, how hard was it to quit?

It was a decision. Yeah. It was a decision based on promise, based on who I'd become. It took me about a year to really quit. But at that time, I read like the road. Oh my God, like I was going nuts. So now do you just kind of do weekends and stuff?

Yeah, but I would still do weekends back then, but I would plan them like, let's say I had to work Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. I'd fly down that Tuesday night at five, I get to your town. And I really was had enough plans. I had enough cash for two packs of cigarettes, the coke I was going to buy. And if I did a show that night, I get a draw.

So I could show up at your town, flat broke. That night for dinner just has to- Who was booking you back then? Just, you said- I was booking myself. Yeah. But I was getting fucked. Like I remember going to Houston,

being there for two weeks and snorting every night except one. Huh. Like every night except one, like snorting till, some nights still two. Some nights I'd go home and one package was pretty good. But one night the coke was good. Forget about it. I'd stay up till I eat in the morning,

talking shit, drawing pictures, whacking off, smoking cigarettes, drinking a little bit of alcohol, acting like a fucking asshole. At the end, what's so fun about that? I mean, it doesn't sound funny. No, that was the last three years of it. Every once in a while, if I picked up a freak that I trusted or somebody who was cool with me, you know what I'm saying?

If you were really, really cool with me, and I knew me and Wheeler were going to lock ourselves in for six hours in here and talk some shit and maybe get two fucking brats to come over and fucking stick fucking, put some Wheeler Walk of Music on and eat their assholes right next to each other, you know what I'm saying? Well, they're good old days, man. Let's put on some Tony Bennett, brother. It's Monday the 6th.

Wash that little monkey. What's the matter, Doug? Are you fucked up? I'm doing great. So yeah, you didn't train this weekend? I had six times. I had a six-star type of lifestyle. I'm doing good.

I'm going to eat two more times. I'm at 12 with the thing. Oh, we got one tomorrow night. We're going big. I forgot the chocolate bars. I never wanted to melt in my car. They sent us 400 milligrams chocolate bars. Tasty as fuck.

If you think my fingers are greasy, tell me what you said, chocolate tomorrow night, you shit. My little brotherly. How funny is that fucking? And you know what? It's not like I cut it out there and put it out there. I know that Lee's ashamed. You know, he feels guilty.

But Lee, there's nothing to be guilty about. We saw it. That's not a great look for anybody. Oh, I love it. Yeah, but Lee, nobody's going to say nothing. You're a... Everybody, what are you talking about? This is the director right now who's looking for a chubby little Jew

to be an erotic David fucking whatever. I just gave you an offer to do that on stage for 200 bucks. That's how fucking funny you are. And 10 drinking. You have no idea how funny you are. I didn't do it. I was just high. You were high as fuck, but you were falling apart

and you were keeping it together. And that's the soldier in you. Most people would have thrown the headphones down, pushed the fucking. You would have picked up whatever, uh, Rianne, whatever his name is. You would have Robozio, my little brother. You would have picked them up, thrown him out the door head first. He would have banged this off the American flag. And then you would have just kicked Dean Delray

right against the victory over here. The little edge of that would have stabbed them in the back and killed them. You would come to me and then you look at me. You know I'm your brother, so you jump over the table on the way out. You'd step on that poor kid, kick him in the mouth, and you'd run out of here, run down the street, and call 911 and go over to the fire department. And they'd probably put you in a wetsuit or a suit step.

They'd wrap you around and they'd take you to the psychiatric thing because they'd find blood on your shoe. Meanwhile, I got to take this other kid to a fucking hospital. And I got to bury Dean Delray. I got to go get some wine and get his shovel and drop Dean Delray off after 170. With a Rolling Stone poster in his hand and a Hollywood bow ticket and blame it on the fucking Hollywood bow, you know what I'm saying?

And then light my car on fire and report it fucking stolen after it's charcoal to death off the fucking 101 North somewhere. That would be my evening. So please, do me no favors. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I see that shit and I fucking, I love it, but not in like an embarrassing way. I'm just like, that's a champ.

Most people would have cracked under pressure. Yeah, I wouldn't. Just looking at that door in that condition and knowing that that door is closed and there's three people in front of you to get out. And you're not going to get out in time. Like you can have a nervous breakdown. Like I've been in situ with the reason why I fly.

And I have two of those doctor fucking Xanaxes and they're in that bag, Scott's tape. They don't move. I never touch them because there was a couple of times I went on planes. And I got, let's just say I got a little bit too fucking high on edibles. And I thought about opening up that fucking window and jumping out. And I'll tell you, it's not a good. Oh no, I don't fly without feeling.

I don't fly without Xanax with me. Listen to me, bro. Sunday I had one of those LA adventures again. Lee, you ready? Again, again. This could only happen to your uncle Joey. I get the fucking wherever I was last week, which I had a great time.

Oh my. Omaha, Nebraska. And I get to the fucking Delta terminal early. Are you breakfast like a gentleman? And I'm right there terminal C for, and I'm sitting there against the wall, minding my own business, ready to get in the fucking line to board the plane. And a black, nice fucking cool dude comes up to me and goes, do I know you from somewhere?

Like, no, I don't think so. Go, yeah, I do. I know you from some movies and shit. You know, and I said, yeah. And he goes, my name is whatever. He was a gentleman. We started talking and stuff. And he goes, do you live in LA?

You look at a New York type of guy. And now I live in LA. And he goes, you like it? I go, nah, I'm having my issues. You know, I think I've been there for too long. I'm ready to move on. You know, he goes, what don't you like about it? And I go, well, for starters, look around the fucking terminal.

Look at terminal one. Look at terminal fucking two. What do you see? I go, look over there. You see real people. Look at this terminal. Count how many, if all, all these people had to hood a cap, what do you call those, those skull caps?

You know, everybody had a skull cap on because the airport's a fucking miserable freezing place. There was a guy with pink shoes sitting in the front, in the row waiting to get on. Everybody had a weird hairdo. There's a chick with a t-shirt barely covering her tits, belly button out, tight pants, shoes. There's the chick with the purse with the little chihuahua in it.

Oh, fuck. It's, it's, it's endless. It's endless, the parade of jerk-offs. Wherever airport you go to and you get on the flight to LA, it's endless. And I mentioned this to the guy. And I mentioned this to the guy, I go, why, why, how many service dogs you got?

He goes, oh, we just got that girl with the dog in her basket and her fucking purse. I go, he goes, you're right. There's always service dogs. There'll be people with three service dogs. One person, three service dogs and an assistant. That's fucking, yeah. I mean, I fucking hate it.

I get on the plane. You know me, guys. I'm always one C. That's just the way it is. When I get on the plane, I don't fuck around. I want one C. If I don't have it, we buy it. We figure how to get one C or one fucking B.

And then we move backwards one by one. And then once I get to the airport, we try to deal with it. But I got one C going there and coming back. I sit, I put my shit on top. I take my earphones off. I take my Walkman. I put my wallet in the bag because I don't need it. And I put my little cell phone with me with my glasses.

I got my little nicotine gun. I ain't bothering nobody. Some fucking Harvey Homo with his assistant comes up to me with his resale bag. And he goes, you're in my fucking chair. That's how my day starts. Fuckin' 5, 25 in the morning on fucking Sunday. I haven't bothered anybody.

I haven't even said booed anybody except for this little black gentleman and this cab driver tried to give me an ear beating about his son in Iberia. Jumping up and down, taking pictures of polar bears. What are you telling me for? It's 4.15 in the morning. I'm barely up. I need 10 shots of coffee and somebody will lick my asshole and get me up. And you're bothering me about your kids hunting,

taking pictures of polar bears up in Iberia. 4 fucking 30 in the morning, you cock sucker. I love you. So I sit there and the guy's like, that's my chair. I go, nah, I'm 1C. He looks at me and goes, no, I'm 1C. I go, listen, I'm 1C. I just looked at the ticket.

I'm on this road. Pop. I go, I'm 1C. He looks at me and goes, well, I got to get to the bottom of this because that's my chair. That's why I always sit. Oh my goodness. That's why I always sit.

And he laughing at his assistant stayed there glaring at me like he was going to do something. Peace of shit. So I leveled my foot sideways. So if he came to me, I can stop him in his knees and get up and we're one foot and just punch him in the fucking throat and end it right there for me. Give me 10 years in the fucking federal prison up in Lompaga.

Now I'll ride horses and Leo come up once a week and we'll do the podcast live from the prison. A little something for reactivation into the fucking land. Do you follow me? Is that what LA is for, you know? So what happened? So he came back and he goes, that's my 10. I go, no, I'm 1C.

And the guy goes, well, show him his ticket. And the guy was fucking 4C. And he goes, well, no, it doesn't matter. I want to sit there. I go, are you fucking serious? I go, go on it by getting the dungeon. And then there's no fucking part. Let me tell you what happened to us.

It was a crazy flight. Even the fucking attendants. Is it pass Sunday? This flight was crazy. Something else happened in the flight. It was the 10th. The two first class attendants were black. And there was a guy on there that would open up the top,

pull his shit out and shit before down. And he'd go back in his corner and sit. This happened about four or five times. The lady said something. And he goes, oh, anything I paid for first class for? You pick it up. That was like rudeness right there. And then with 10 seconds, 10 minutes to go on the flight,

the dude, who I told him to get in the dungeon, his lover walks past me and goes in the bathroom. I'm watching fucking. I tried to watch Planet of the Apes again. The most racist thing I ever saw in my life. I couldn't watch it. I saw it in the movies. I had to walk out.

It offended you? Yes, it did offend me. For the first time, I grew up on Planet of the Apes. That was one of my favorite movies of all time, but Eat the Planet of the Apes. When they amassed themselves under the Lincoln tunnel and the Holland tunnel. One of the greatest scenes ever in fucking the media.

But it changed my outlook when I saw this. Now it's real racist. When I was a kid, it was like mal-racist and I got high. And he goes, let's hunt black people. We can't do that. His assistants say we can't do that. Well, what can we substitute? Let's substitute apes or monkeys.

That's what they did. I honestly believe that. You really think that? Yeah, I think that. And as I get older, now that I saw this one, they really went crazy. And I'm, you know, you know, me, dog. I'm half racist.

I'm not racist, but I say racist shit in my house. I like the new Planet of the Apes movies, but you're going to ruin them for me, man. I'm in, you know, I'm old school. I grew up and I come from Cuba. Cinema is big to me. A guy like me. I sit there.

I watch all those when I came. I never forget friends telling me, you got to go see Beneath the Planet of the Apes. They're like 15. I was, let's see what it looks like Beneath the Planet of the Apes. It's fucking old. Seriously, put on Beneath the Planet of the Apes, peel skin scene.

Watch this. This is going to fucking creep you out. There's the type of shit I went to. The skin, the face skin scene. Put it up on the computer. My brother on the big screen there. It's my uncle Joey, will you? Yes.

Why are you playing games with me? I'm not just going to YouTube. Jesus Christ. You're talking about the playing the new ones. No, the old ones. You were watching the old ones. No, I was watching the fucking new ones. Now one day I went to the movie theater

and I tried to watch the new one and I was going for it for a while. And as I'm watching, I'm going to wait a second. They created this in the 70s. They created this in the 60s. This was Planet of the Apes. Then Beneath the Planet of the Apes. Then Escape from the Planet of the Apes.

Then Revenge of the Planet of the Apes. When I was a kid, there was like four or five of them and they were American blockbusters. But there were interesting films. But Beneath the Planet of the Apes had a scene where I had to be six or seven guys. Okay, let me see. Fountain scene from Beneath the Planet of the Apes.

Let's see that scene. Did you put it in? No, no, no, no. You got that? It's called Planet of the Apes 1968. So guys, when this move face peel. Let's see. Jesus.

Right there. Let's try the first one. Beneath the Planet of the Apes. Try that one. What the fuck? That's the missile that's going to shoot kill the world. And the Apes have it. Somebody's got this fucking thing.

I don't know if it's the Puerto Ricans. Yeah, who the fuck knows? It's a scary fucking scene when you're a child. Like I said, I was fucking five. And my friends talked me into going to see this from 88th Street and I went like an asshole. Were you scared of going to zoos after that? Like were you scared of actual Apes?

Nah, I went to the Bronx Zoo a couple of days after that. It's a three-day excursion in those days walking around the fucking Bronx Zoo. But no, it was, I don't know. I just turned it off and I watched the show I was watching. JJ. Well, I gotta go. I need a new show to watch.

Should I try that one? No, because it's Spanish. You don't watch Narcos yet? I watch. Yeah, I watch. Okay, you watch that. You know, Netflix has some great shit. You gotta hunt it.

That's a good thing about Netflix. If you got time, you'll find something. Yeah, they have a lot of old TV series. Like I recently watched Cheers and Frasier. Like when I go to the gym, that's what I do. Yeah, that's like comfort food. It's like makes me feel good. Yeah, I just want something on in the background.

Yeah. Um, someone's telling me, what was someone talking about today? Is that Ozark they were talking about? That's not familiar. Oh, yeah, I have heard about that. I haven't seen that one. That's the one about the Money Laundry? I've just heard the name Ozark.

There's something about Money Laundry or something like that. I've been rewatching Carpenter Enthusiasm. So I can catch up and watch the new series. Did you watch it once before? I have a spot spot. Did you get to the part where you get to hook it? I've seen that one. Is that one of the funniest things?

Well, I first watched that one. Now, what happened Saturday night? Did you watch it? Yes. Yes, I did. Live? Yes. Was it offensive to you?

Oh, no, I'm sorry. I thought you were talking about the UFC. No, I did not watch that. Did you see it? I don't know. No. I heard about it. What was it?

What was the thing? Something about Hitler or something? I think about the Holocaust. Would a pickup line be at Auschwitz? Hey, how's it going? You know, shit like that. Which, like you can. My wife and I were talking about this.

I don't know, guys. I was raised under the thing. Me, that Oye guy, that means fucking boom, boom, boom. Right? But number two was sticks and stones don't break my bones. Yeah, exactly. And words will never help me. Whatever, it hurt me.

Call me this, call me that. I still say you're a big fat rat. Whatever you say sticks to you. I'm rubber your glue. I'm rubber your glue. So that's what you were raised as. All of a sudden now we've sensitized everything, bro. Yeah, it's a weird time to be doing what we're doing.

Every day fucking somebody's apologizing. I had a question. Why do you think that is? Because, you know, we got the dirtiest president ever. So you think it would open shit up more? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's tightening. The liberalism is tightening.

Bro, they took Columbus day away because he killed people 3,000 years ago. What the fuck do we know? Yeah, I mean, what the fuck do we know? At this point, shouldn't we be able to say fucking shit on NBC? I don't understand. No, listen, man, that's they have big, but listen, that sponsorship money. That's all NBC's decision is going down.

Yeah, it's NBC's decision. FX is FX for a reason. Fox said, you know what? We don't want to show that shit, but what if we create a cable network That the rules are a little lighter and you could say pussy And cock and everything except this word till 10 o'clock at night. Did you hear disney's gonna buy that? We're trying to buy that what fx? Uh, they're like they're splitting up a bunch of the fox products. I love fx. I love what they've done I love the chances they take and everybody gets to watch and you make a decision, bitch

And they got sponsors on there. So I don't want to fx here You know sons of anarchy did tremendous numbers that crime should that late horror show The spooky show. Oh, yeah, american horror is brilliant fx brilliant every season is fx brilliant I like that better than anything I've watched the last couple fx years. I don't mind spooky shit That's got action to it I don't listen I'm 50 fx for if you're gonna jump out of the thing with a glove and a mask on Just give me my money back

Just give my money back. It's 2017. I seen fx the first fx or whatever I like that. Shit is a kid. I saw the exorcist as a kid. I like that shit The exorcist to me is the scariest movie ever watched because it scares you when you go home It'll affect you for the first two weeks put the light on If you hear a rat in your house, rosemary's baby, too. Yeah, rosemary's baby All those type of movies psychologically, but they were smart. Yeah, then there's the movies that make you yell in your seat I don't like that. I don't like that. That's high blood pressure. Shit. Yeah, that's that's just like easy to do Just yeah, lie it and then lie. Yeah, you know, it's coming. But you still get scared

Yeah, no, the people next to you act like fx momos But you're already too high. You might as well stay in there. What the fx I don't know. I like certain type of horror I like Alfred Hitchcock. I like fucking shining The shining I enjoy What's that fucking other one the twilight zone? Yeah, yeah, that could be fucking Spooky as fuck

Because you have to turn I was a kid. It was the last show on Remember I grew up on honeymoon odd couple Sanford and son twilight zone 1230 twilight zone. Are you fucking yeah twilight zone was pretty ahead of its time And then you turn twilight zone is still they do twilight zone marathons next time Thanksgiving comes around And sci-fi does or whatever. I want you to make sure you tape

The one with Burgess Meredith when he wears glasses And the end of the world happens I want you to tape the one with Sebastian Cabot Where he plays the devil In a white suit. It's fucking brilliant. The writing will take you from one dimension to another And there's a cut there's like five more that you can't think of off the top of your head that when you walk Because I've seen all of them as a kid. I watched it That was the only show that when I was a kid

They had already seasons of it already And they were kind of weird they were kind of black or even more black and white than these ones So you didn't want to watch them. I even went back and watched them And I've always enjoyed them. There's some that I don't want to see again. Yeah, I'll watch those marathons And there's some that you want to watch again. I love that it's like I love tv that's like or movies whatever that's Smarter than me. That's a step ahead of me, you know nowadays. I can just guess what's happening I know what's happening that next scene no matter what like I said this thing that I got turned down to You want me to tell you why I don't like spanish tv because it reminds me of being a child

And watching telenovelas And I got to taste them this production company whoever they are In my eyes, they've hit it out of the park Because they're three for three They're three for three they narcos this show And sell you about a cuban all about sell your cruise to cuban chick another 88 fucking episodes I think they got it down to a science. It's a mix of film and telenovela put together They got interesting characters. They got a fucking character named urega

Okay, this is this is about a prison. This is about a hitman That killed 250 people And responsible for 3 000 people he pulled the trigger one way or the other But before he turns himself in while they hunt in pablo He cuts a deal for seven years And they put him in a capital prison And it's run by trap dug traffickers There's a girl in one cell paramilitary and then the gorillas the commies and all his shit

So it takes you deep He goes in there and he's one step ahead everybody. He's like a fucking spanish The guy from the sons of anarchy Whatever he does he's always got coverage He tells he takes these tales That he does like one thing he did was he started writing He found the publisher off of the money and he started writing. This is a true fucking story, bro he started writing

And he got the publisher to come in Give him an offer and to bring the machines into the prison So his Co-workers in the prison could have work and they could earn money as a read whatever into society program What they didn't know it was that this guy wrote this book But he was putting acid In the paperwork and the books And shipping them out

And they would go to like bonds and noble and you would walk in there. Let me get all the books for fucking what's his name You would take him back to a lab and then cut the sheets out He took cocaine. He took cocaine out of columbia and replaced it with acid And he did it all from this prison It was crazy. Where did he get that? He got a chemist in there and they got everything smuggled and it's columbia if you have money You live like a doctor and they were printing the books in there. That's why yeah, that's why they they fought extradition Because down there with a million dollars you go to jail, but it's like being home

You got a bed. You got a big screen tv And guess what if you have that type of money you got 21 year old freaks coming in every night You got cocaine there. Oh, yeah They had bitches in there every night. You pay the guards or they come in at midnight hotter than fuck But then you got to have a million dollars to do that type those narco-trophic kind days had 15 billion american dollars in the bank When they went to prison, you know, imagine 15 billion dollars in the bank From selling coke. How would you live in prison? Not in the united states not anymore You might find a couple fucking crooked guards or let you do something

But I doubt it's going to be like high level like you don't live in columbia Look how pablo eskibar built The inside of that place and taught columbia into fucking putting himself in there. Did you ever stop and think about that? I lived through that. I remember reading about that going Is it me or is this fucking just crazy? Then he was just allowed to build his own prison. Yeah, and then that you knew he was building soccer fields in there and Who's who's the guy who tunneled who tunneled out?

El Chapo El Chapo He's in new york in Manhattan In prison He's about to go on trial So that happened in new york. Yeah, because he escaped mexico. They can't they can't trust mexico Let me give some shout outs real quick to my little brother, andrew mccartan My man young health time

Uki spooky my girl passenger shaming ghetto vauquero tyvon kaneep jeffrey collins as usual nicky shades And regular car reviews Don't forget. I think the link is up next tuesday. I'm doing this showcase. You motherfuckers torture them. Thank you

You guys torture them Netflix. Thank you. I'm getting Netflix fucking showcase Next tuesday 8 p.m. Comedy store and then the following wednesday urvine improv the night before thanksgiving Lee's making an appearance. He loves the hamburgers down there You know how we do it. Those have been the best rides of our lives The first ride I took down there with lee I was 10 minutes away from pulling over and telling me to fucking take over the wheel making you turn and go home We got so high by mistake one time the first time It was not my mistake. It was on purpose. No, no, no, I don't do nothing on purpose. Okay

Everything is well planned out, but sometimes plans backfire I've talked about a thousand times sometimes the edible turns on you Which which time was this? I don't even remember. I got video of it. Let me explain something to you Edibles turn on you from time to time You met him more from bad feeling you've been thinking about something. Maybe you watched narcos too many episodes And next thing, you know, you're an animal it turns on you and it backfires on you your body dna is off Maybe a lot of cheese that day Maybe you got no testosterone in your system and next thing you know, you sit on the couch thinking about fucking shoot yourself

But you want to watch fucking your friend on jimmy kimmel And that's what's keeping you alive. I mean you get so fucking high sometimes But sometimes you control it here on the church. We take chances. Why because that's how you got to roll What if you bump into somebody and they give you something on the street on the up and up And they ain't legit. That's what happens. We're prepared If you dose me with a pot cookie Nothing's gonna happen I'm an animal you're money money

The fuck are we talking about here, you know, I don't know but I love it. It's just no we always fucking go deeply That's why I love it here. It's like you it's it's its own dimension, you know No, this is listen from the beginning from day one I wanted people to hear something Learn something and take some home with them You know what I'm saying? Like I really want them to have that feeling of There's no pretentiousness. This is who I am To say no fucking guy. I'm not doing this for my health. I really enjoyed doing this and talking to people who were young

Who are fucking having problems, you know last week somebody posted on the wall that there were 23 and You know, and it takes me back like how fucking fucked up was I at 23 how scared was I was just scared What was this guy saying? I think he was 23 and he was going through a hard time I really I really fucked with me because I remember Everybody thinks it just happens You know in this life, I love how people's attitudes that this just happens. No, this just this happens because of discipline And even though we want to do something we don't do it That's when you really grow as a musician as a comedian

That's a different yeah I mean the whole the whole thing that with with me was I don't think I would have gotten this if if it wasn't for the 2000 people who told me I can't do it That was the whole point I got approved to you that you know what I don't I don't need the fucking radio I don't need fucking jimmy fawn on you know that fucking shit. I'll sell I'll sell tickets anyway I'll figure you know, we'll figure it out You're like I said the good thing about you is

I go watch you I know i'm gonna good. I'm gonna watch good fucking musicians Great composed music The lyrics about this fat chick sucking your pipe. That's the cherry on the motherfucking sunday. You know what I'm saying? It's just like if you really like country music You have no excuses here. You just can't oh you can't take the words come on That's my thing too is just like What I was trying to do is I mean I was trying to do a million things but one of us is you know

Country music used to be fun. That was the whole point Like let's take this traditional country music with great musicians and sing about dick sucking and you know Well, let me tell you something if you don't think I'm I hope you don't think I'm blind Even though I went to see Kenny Rogers in 83 and I want to see somebody else in the country realm Not chris christopherson. I think I went to see willy nelson with my buddy jimmy v Yeah, willy nelson still got it. He's but I also saw something I saw the corporation come into country music. Oh, yeah, I know I saw them take the they took a uh

rock Mode they turned it into like when they were hot on the five kids singing and dancing together New kids on the block kids on the block and the other ones and the other ones Well, that's the war I've got you know all those guys are fucking pissed at me because that it's like this is not it's it's it's It's corporate pop country. It's corporate pop country. It's not country music and it's well fucking produced Yeah, but sounds like it's on the block. You know, I know Who really has the country in their heart? And I who who's faking the fuck and you know people people see through it

It takes it takes it takes takes 10 sec tech 10 seconds to listen to it and realize what the dog shit is You know, but it's really weird how it's become so country music is just a country music awards is You know, it's fucking unbelievable. You sit there and go. What the fuck is this? I want to hear something crazy. Um, so the country music awards is the big awards show And I have a duet on this on the new record. Oh wheeler called a fucking around A friend of mine is on the cma board and he um, he wrote the song fucking around with me and uh, He was at a cma meeting and he go

The last ballot before the nominees the head of this country music awards goes. We got a problem here And he go and there everyone was like was there's a song by this some guy named will walker jr. Called fucking around It's still on the ballot and the final ballots tomorrow Like what do we do that mean is he might know what the fuck this is and my friend's like, yeah, I co-wrote the song I wrote it with with wheeler and he goes And they're like, um, you know What do we do? I mean, what do we do if it if it gets a nomination? They had to decide the meeting that it will put the asterisks in or whatever

So I was this close to it. I mean, I don't want it because I don't want to have to go to that bullshit, but How cool would it be you got to go? No, it would have been cool if you wouldn't for doing what the fuck you believe in Yeah, it would have been a nice fuck. You gotta show tuxedo up and tell them all to suck you But yeah, I was that was this close to a vocal event of the year was the category Good for you, man, which you know, it doesn't really count because no one knows about it That's why I'd say on the church that feels good that the fans had your fucking back on this Well, if it felt it was weird because it's not fans. It was the it's industry voting on how crazy I don't know how it got that far because the music is fucking tremendous

I think if you really like that music and you don't mind some larynx Like I said, what the fuck is wrong with you? You go out to eat ass and eat pussy Nobody goes out to leave the gig and go to church. Nobody not one person Everybody takes one of those hot chunky little country blondes She's been at a fucking gas station all those all those clean country guys are just doing blow and fucking girls, you know And they're doing steroids now. They're all looking good man. Those guys are fucking yoked These guys need to I always say they need to stop going to the gym and take some guitar lessons, you know Or take some singing lessons, but yeah, I mean, it's just it's just a bunch of bullshit and I'm sick of it and um

It's it's like a nice big fuck you to all them that you know, but it's working. See that's the If you were sitting here like not touring And not selling tickets and not having the success you're having Don't I go listen you you took a chance columbus did Go home regroup get those fucking lyrics spinning Well, that's what I thought I was supposed to take those x-rated fucking words on now Go back with this great music you have and listen. Let me tell you what the beauty about this is How many what what numbers this this is album number two. Yeah

You had the two more um at least probably yeah, and then You're gonna do a real album with no dirty lyrics. You think so? Oh, yeah, you're gonna get do it because you're brilliant You're gonna go you're gonna write songs and your head I want you to picture who you want to write these songs with And I guarantee if you write 10 good songs like you've been writing You're gonna get two of those hard country chicks to sing and do what with you. You got a great voice The music is solid And fuck with them. You already won the war now. You really want to come on their face

Let me show you what the who the fuck i'm wrong with and do a ten city tour and call it to suck my dick tour And now you do with the song on the radio to suck my dick tour. Yeah That's it. Now you've switched them This is longevity. This is Madonna type shit What would Madonna do? Why didn't Madonna last 20 years because she was fucking around? She was fucking with your head guy Look at her history next time you got it. Next time you're a problem with making money find something about Madonna And yes, she sucked a little dick. You see her complaining about all of you Weinstein I don't know. You know what I'm saying?

Madonna blew Harvey Weinstein 15 times. Do you ever see her complain? She joined your yoga She fucking twisted until the mid bad minerals came out of those those little fucking uh Jew little sperm little pedophile Jews. These are the little The little dungeon Jews. That's what I call them. It got worse every time we said it I Fuckin what's his name Weinstein Weinstein. I was fucking dungeon Jews. I guess I guess my profile's worse than done No, he's one of those dungeon Jews. Everybody's fucking mad. Look Fuckin i'm dungeon

What does that even mean what's hell what does that mean? Describe a dungeon jew Is at least not one is Bro, let me tell you something they haven't even discovered Half of what Weinstein has Oh, can you imagine? Oh my god. I read an article today That he had he hired Like private investigators

From like a team. I'm still laughing about the dungeon jeweler That's one of those he keeps little girls in the basement At some little dungeon jew in israel And they keep he keeps like a little feeder Like they do for your cat when you leave for a year. It's like a little feeder with cheerios Hand sanitizer and he flies into israel. He climbs into the hole. He fucks the shit out of the dungeon He throws some jewish Yeah, he flies back to america

He's gotta have shit and safes That would fucking destroy people because he's creepy So if he did it for this long, that means he got confidence and he taped a few of them No, oh, you have to think like him right now. I think you would already come out with it Unless you don't unless you're that fucking dumb He's listen. He's an old dungeon jew number one. He's got an ace in the hole He's gonna come out of there with something There's someplace there's a apartment where he took girls. He rented hotels

Okay, but he couldn't have been that stupid because up to get 24 seasons hotel this campus So he couldn't be that fucking stupid So after a while when they got hip into the investigations I guarantee he's got about five or six got some pomelo eskibar pads all over betley hills pom springs san diego Maybe santa barbara where he would drive make the girls go up there and drive to get away You gotta hide leader bang these girls You gotta get away from the paparazzi

And he ain't stupid. He was doing it for that long right women said he molested them 20 years ago, correct Yo, so someone's gonna take him to trial now. So somebody's gonna take him to trial and You know, I don't know. I don't know what's gonna happen there. He's got three investigations guys He's gonna if any if anything if they connect all this He's gonna die in jail because he's gonna get 40 years He's gonna get 10. He's gonna get 15 years concurrent from three different fucking states They're gonna fucking take them to they're gonna find them in california Find them in new york

Then what what he's gonna do to england I know he's broke. I know he's cleaned up But again, he's a dungeon june. He's got three million fucking pesos and a million kuga ran somewhere But at the same time, he's gotta have film on somebody. He's a creepy. What would the film do though? The film he would sell at the fucking penthouse or the high is better You gotta be kidding me and you imagine what a film of If him naked If you think fucking what's the other guy? What's the poppy guy that played the harmonic on the podcast?

Who played the harmonic on the podcast and freaked you out? Oh ron jeremy ron jeremy Oh, he showed up to one of my shares if you think ron jeremy's fucked up naked now Can you imagine fucking harry winstein naked with angeline jolly sucking that flute? Oh and him telling i'm gonna give you three movies Sucking hard and she's looking those balls and shit and you imagine there's something like that surfaces So he's got to have some ace in the hole He's he's just never thought about like he's not in fucking arizona rehab He's sitting around with three high powered fucking jews Trying to figure out what his strategy is going to be

He's just sitting tight right now. I wouldn't be surprised if harvey winstein hasn't already got a fucking plane Ready to drop. Well, here's my here's the honest question Maybe you guys can answer like obviously he's a sick fuck and i'm not i'm against what he's doing in case they take this clip out but If you tell a girl to suck your dick to be in a movie is and they do it is is that a league? What's I don't know. I don't know. You know i'm saying like isn't that a gray area? It's a gray area because white take the acting lessons Yeah to the safe eight thousand dollars in the school of dance and you have to need to play the piano I'm obviously it's not cool. But like what's the what's the line? Listen? I want to know the percentage rate

He was running that How many chicks did suck his dick if he molested 60 of them? How many chicks did suck his dick and who sucked this is what you're the other side of the coin? That's kind of people speculate about and you know, this is going to get interesting But let's say london drops the charges And new york picks it up for rape And somebody else you know, these are all people saying this happened 30 years ago. I don't know how the law works I don't know the statute of limitations

I don't know what you're going to use for fingerprints Or the sample from your vagina Just your underwear this leftover semen from the ejaculation. Well, I don't know I just want special victims unit like everybody else. Yeah, that's it. It's it's But right now he's not getting out. He's talking to a guy 10 minutes a day and he's in there with a son He's an arrogant fuck And that's what that's what got him fucked up That he's an arrogant fuck

Okay, yeah, she's soon to give her three million dollars shut the fuck up sign the contract that dumb bitch And then when everybody leaves he tells his assistant. I gotta tell you something I put in her ass like four fucking times. She loved it He's one of those guys you could tell by looking at him. Oh, yeah I mean the type I had him like he didn't want to work on his personality at all to actually pick him up No, no, no, no, no and I guarantee listen he had women that would suck his dick Whenever they'd see him Even if they were involved in the relationship

Even if they're involved in the relationship they bump into in a party they go there with their husband They'll tell the husband. Excuse me How he's gonna show me a new kind of his new movie in the studio. Keep talking to Lee. I'll be right back two minutes They go in and they swallow the sword. They come up with that come Brett And next thing, you know, they got a three-package deal and shit, you know, you gotta think about what happened there So he's a creepy fuck man, but right now he's not getting help Yeah, it sounded like from the article that he just like would take it out It didn't sound like he was offering it like

If you would do this so kindly Yeah, I will give you a movie role didn't sound like it was too close. Let's say let's say let's say uh There's a type of dude. I read this one thing He harried on a movie set From a so-called actor the actor dated this actress for a while and they broke up And I guess after the thing wrapped they went to a hotel and they were drinking at the bar And the actor started describing his relationship with this chick And how good their sex life was and

You know, think about if I tell you how hot this chick is. How good of a dick she sucks to your brother The next time you see it, what are you gonna do? You're president of the studio Whatever I always said Lee if I look like Brad Pitt, I'd walk around my dick out all day because I know chicks would bow and Speaking to the microphone as I walk past their house. You know what I'm saying? You walked out of there, but you got 18 blowjobs and three chicks fainted and passed off me eat exhaustion If I'm fucking yeah You're Brad Pitt, you know in my mind Brad Pitt could walk down in the street with his dick out and nobody would down 9-1-1

There'll be reports that there was a penis hanging out of his pants But by the time he hears the sirens you'll put it in and it was just the shadow of the sun You know It's fucked up, but it's true brother. Oh, that's definitely true I mean you're out there doing shows You really have to watch yourself. You know, I I do I do I do what America today You know, we were both talking about touring and stuff and I know the difference about how I was living 10 years ago How I would sleep two hours and

Two days and then get on a fucking plane first thing in the morning and it would be like being on the fucking twilight's only Being on the fucking twilight's only I was just walking around and I would get the lax And take a cab and I probably made 1200 bucks. I spent 600 on blow You know, I spent 100 on food 100 on the hotel room 100 on the cab ride now i'm coming home with 300 to see my fucking girlfriend. She's expecting 1200 I got a mere 300 It's tough I used to go on the road just to go fucking bananas. Now I go on the road

To write and read and eat two good meals And you come home with most of the money? I come home with all the money. I don't even take an advance I don't even think you know, I don't even think about it I take them a deposit when I leave lax a cash deposit. I would draw 200 bucks And I have my atm card for the big thing It's not the whole time you leave your card and if you want to eat something You put it on your room nobody fucking gets their feelings her and then I get receipts and I staple my receipts

Then I hand them to my wife sunday night and she does all the accounting and here we are talking to each other nobody's going to jam That's the way I don't even knock on my door telling me at the irs. I own gears I'm too old to do federal time right now I ain't got that type of fucking cash to happily going up there dropping off envelopes and playing checkers with me Things get bad out of pimply in there behind the walls of debt And landpox all men want to tell them old year's stories Why am I in there now because you're my dog you'll take a bullet for your uncle joey, you know I'm not going to prison. He's going in you're going

No, I'm not taking in there, but you come in once a week. I have a guy you rub his balls And sing on the song and teach him how to podcast and he gives you the small 300 And you throw where's where's he gonna get 300 because bro for a guy like you I get 500 promise him He has all them way at the moment. I have with a stick And 300 is not enough. What the feel is balls. Yeah, especially enough for like a ham It's not a hand job you're going to send the man's lap I'll just jiggle his balls through his jeans. That's so weird. Why is it weird for three I don't know how you do that physically

Is he like fully like undressed and you like you're like he's Santa And he'll tell you how cute you are in the rub. You had to probably kiss you on the lips once or twice This actually sounds like fun, man. And then you'll rub his little nuts through his jeans until you can't take it no more And then you'll pick us your hand down his pants and they'll be like $400 bills. You pull it out You kiss him on the cheek. You tell him you love him and let him rub your head He'll try to touch your dick. You hit his hand. You tell him that needs more money And that the core if he wants to see you again And then next time you wear a dress with a small 750 you know what I'm saying like we'll work and we'll keep him out

Welcome Those student loans going real well the what those student loan payments are real I have the student loans payment in fucking three weeks. I'll pimp you out so much I get three little fucking pedophiles. I love to play with you. I talk about podcasting and Yelp you can talk about yelp with them and shit the importance of yelp when they got in the prison to choose a good restaurant You know, I love you my buddy. I would never pimp you out not to do sex acts, but the touching old man's balls What's the difference? This is our guy's lap and touches balls sound like you have any experience doing

No, I'll I'll I'll pimp anybody out. You know me Listen, I'll charge them 350 you get 250 And you get security and you walk in and out of jail 100 dollars because I'm telling you I'm providing the security the booking What security the book that nobody's gonna hit you in the head and stick a dick up your ass And leave you in prison I'm gonna make sure that you just go in there watch tv with him He wants to do what's that? Not like what if you what if you add security? You're the guy who wants to stick it on my butt. Who me?

I don't know about you personally, but you Now let's say you're a security let's say you go into the old man's shed And an inmate comes up to me and says joey. How much of a cute little jew I'll ask him. What do you want to do? I want everything around the world. They'll listen my jew don't do around the world He's a virgin. What I'll let you do is I'll have him pull his pants down and you can jerk off on his butt cheek And he'll do like a reach around his little nut sack. That's as far as he goes Really? Well, he really scratches balls from behind. He goes to yoga three times a day He's a guru. You can't tell but look at his body got hit by a car when he was a kid

And I can't stop eating cheeseburgers, but he's all right beside that I would get three bills I would get 750 feet of bend over hold your ankles And from three feet away some guy whack off and with his hands Just throw the come at your ass. That's it. And afterward when your ass is wiped you can hug him And tell him you love him and that's it 750 two of those a day. That's 1500 five days a week

Are you fucking kidding me? That's good money, man. Just you'll find me. You'll say I don't want to work on the podcast no more That's a lot of fucking care actually That's like that's like fucking That's like 15 000 every two weeks. That's 30 000 a month. No sex bending over and letting guys What do we call it? What's the website? I don't There's no website. No website. How do we market it? This is an imaginary character In case I ever went to prison and things got bad. We ran out of loot. You know me with partners I want I need to fucking go behind bars. Maybe sell some coke. We have to do things

But if an old Jew it may comes up to me and says listen your friend. He's kind of cute Can we work so much and you make him shave his beard and wear a militant suit Listen for the small 350 my friend. I'll do whatever the fuck you need, but you can't do sex Because it's not enough to do what the Italian no no 350 to bend over and have a guy do that is disgusting Anything was coming bald. No, no, no the other one when you sit on his lap and watch tv for a half hour I'm not touching his balls. Listen what you're not touching his balls You're looking the other way your balance is gonna go He's gonna grab his balls by mistake to pull you back up and just give him a smile

And may believe you watch the baseball game again everybody loves baseball It's not a crazy person. This is the fucking best conversation ever. I'm just thinking about imaginary situations Who said you're my brother? I'm not in business to pimp you out. You're my little brother. Look, I gotta look out for you I know dicks. I add I know your mother I know the boss over there patron That's what you call it now, right? I heard you call the other day when I called you like hold on Hold on. I'll patron

He called out patron now and shit Why not? Wheeler walker jr. You bad motherfucker What's up kicking ass like I congratulate you for your success This last little leg of the tour. Yeah, what are you gonna do? Will you will you read these? Fuck. Yeah. Hey, can I can I can I can I film it? Fuck. Yeah, let me explain some to you So What is the uh, is the last four shows? What are you gonna do after this?

But uh, what are your plans after I think I'm gonna do another record Okay. Yeah. Yeah, that's what most people do. Yeah, I didn't think we're gonna end it with these We're gonna blow it out end of the year for big shows west coast and uh Hopefully you and lee will come to la show You know what? Let me look at december 30. I don't know if I'm a sacramento all the week after Who the fuck knows anymore? I'll tell you now

It changes every fucking two weeks if I do this I'm gonna have to wear glasses. All right, so don't get pissed off I don't care. I can see it from here. You know me. I'm a fucking bad motherfucker Are you ready one two? I'm ready. Are you ready one two? Here you go Wheeler walkers juniors Wheeler walkers Wheeler walker juniors last shows of the year Are the biggest shows ever. Do you understand me? It's old wheeler walker the pussy king

Doing his fucking thing on sale now cock suckers and if you show up ladies Wash that monkey. He don't like dirty stinky monkeys. He likes fucking flip. Anyway, sorry. Let's start from the top We'll do it afterward. Don't worry. We'll do it afterward and then we'll make it happen for you We'll do it afterward. Trust me. I kind of like that. No, no, you don't like it. I gotta have glasses Let me review it. Okay, and then I'll put a spin on it. I'm a professional Huh, I fucking love it. You know, I'm fucking nuts dog. I don't fuck around I love you to death for the people at home here. It is plain and simple. All right Here's my brother here. You've heard him on a bunch of podcasts

But most importantly you've heard his fucking music and you know, he ain't fucking around this ain't some guy that goes up there like Jimmy Fallon does dirty. So I got none against Jimmy Fallon God bless his mother and my condolences to him and his family I'm just saying this is not a guy that goes up there and just plays a guitar And sells out to you with a couple dirty words You heard his fucking story and you heard what he's going on but listen It gets better It gets better cocksuckers

Because wheeler walker juniors last shows of the year are his biggest shows ever. Do you understand me? It's all wheeler the pussy king on sale right now today. No more fucking stories. All right You're gonna go out with your family. You're gonna go. You're gonna eat Thanksgiving. You're gonna have a good time You're gonna eat the jelly you're gonna gain three pounds and that's when the party starts You know why because wheeler walker being fucking down That fucking following week. There's nothing like going to a concert after Thanksgiving when grandma gives you a lot of savings bonds That's 55 hours in the short end So in case you gotta get rid of it to go see my man wheeler walker juniors last shows of the year

Here it is nice and simple ready December 3rd in los angeles at the motherfucking no vote December 4th santa barbers birthday for the Cuban people San Diego at the observatory in north park and here you go December 5th santa ana santa ana Santa ana at the motherfucking observatory a different one So bring the fucking 3d glasses if you're 18 and under you can look at the stars and play with yourself And then December 6th. You got phoenix at the motherfucking van buren theater That's the wheeler walker junior fucking lineup

And if you don't go to those shows listen, I might stab you in the fucking neck personally That's how I roll cocksuckers go see my brother Get you listen if you're a fucking girl and you listen to this And you want to get closer to your boyfriend get him a fucking ticket for wheeler walker What is he gonna do with your money? You're sitting there at home If your lease girl from lee wants to go he wants to spend 700 on tickets He wants the top nuts fucking tickets telling me you don't fucking want you want to park right in front of the joint

And have a fucking course. He ain't walkie inside only the best especially for wheeler walker And while we're talking about a white fuck around anymore, all right Let me talk to you people about something seriously on the up and up because the holidays are coming The new years are coming and I know everybody wants to eat a little bit fucking healthier We all want to eat better. We all want to eat healthier But when it comes to snacks, you know what I'm saying? You don't know It feels like the the whole world is delicious And it's all 10 million calories versus what you want to eat an almond whatever anyway boring and tasteless

It doesn't have to be that way up your snack game with nature box. Do you understand me? Nature box has over 100 snacks that taste good and are actually better for you All snacks are made from high quality simple ingredients Which means no artificial colors flavors or sweetness no guilt no nothing So you can feel good about what you're eating my favorites All the chocolate nom nom's the praline Pumpkin seeds the raw almonds the roasted salted almonds. Listen the list goes on and on They got some stuff that kills me. Do you understand me?

And sometimes they order the same stuff and sometimes I take a chance Like the crispy coconut squares or the double chocolate brownie cookies or the vanilla bean wafers You have no idea my wife and my daughter Tatto's mother fuckers up like somebody from a third world nation eating this Turkey for the first time or whatever the fuck it is the sea salt pop pops the coffee kettle. Listen The list goes on and on and on. All right, do me a favor You're sure to find your new snack obsession at nature box They add new snacks every month inspired by real customer feedback

Like yours on the latest food trends and professional chefs. So it's simple go to naturebox.com Choose the snacks you want and nature box will deliver them. You ready for this one right to your door. All right, nobody knows nothing It's on the up and up They'll be there within days and there's no risk if you try a snack you don't like Don't eat it nature box or replace it for free. Now here's how it works. This is what i'm gonna do for you tonight The nature box is offering the church of what's happening now family right now today 50 off your first order when you go to nature box.com slash joey again That's nature box.com slash joey for 50 off your first order. That's half

Deliver to your door. No games nature box.com slash joey. I want to thank my brother Wheeler walker junior for coming in here and dropping knowledge and my main little christ killer Well, I would never pimp out. This is just uh, I've been watching too much on that prison show You know what i'm saying? I'm sorry you got away from me. Thank you again for having me. This was my favorite show You're my fucking family. This is this. I love you guys. It was a pleasure showing you those videos To let you know the mental statement. I just love the podcast just watching it a lot It's just like watching your favorite show a lot. It's like this is this is skinnered for me Well, I appreciate that my brother. Thank you again. Don't forget next tuesday the commie store links should be up eight o'clock show

Listen, we need to fucking the power troopers there. I need a little little there. You understand me The motherfuckers who ain't fucking around down there. Leo be there. We got stars. We got explosives It's gonna be a fucking good night Worst-case scenario leo taking eat hummus, but that's none of my business. I don't want to know about it I love you motherfuckers. I love wheeler walk again supported store. Is there a website cause yeah wheel walker junior dot com Bam, there you go wheeler walker junior dot com stop fucking around my brother league kick that motherfucking meal It's tuesday morning motherfuckers. Thank you for listening to the church Oh

About Some girls give me jewelry Others buy me clothes Some girls give me children I never asked them for a war You To You don't think I have a wife and I don't

Some girls take my money Some girls take my clothes Some girls give me a shirt off my back And leave me with a little dose Some girls take my hearty And tellin' girls what the heart's And tellin' girls what everything in the world is about to be I did

Each girl's that's old prison I can't stand them on the telephone Sometime I take the receiver I'm the hope I don't wanna have a college I'm the hope I don't wanna have a college I'm the hope I don't wanna have a college Why girls? They're pretty funny

Sometimes they drive me mad But girls just wanna get fucked all night They're so happy that much jam But Chinese girls are so gentle With a little side to tea And they'll know I can't work for a couple Inside those silky sleeves Give me all your money

Give me all your love I'll buy you half a dozen of these And give you that half of what I owe And I fell in love with you It's not hard Some girls make me so pure Sometimes so blunt Sometimes give me children

I don't want to make love to a wife Give me half, no, buddy Give me half the call Give me half of everything I'll make you proud Give me a star of a hand Give me all your money Give me all your gold

Let's go back to see my beach I'll give you a hand And remember what I owe Let's go back to see my beach