Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #533 - Josh Wolf

Episode Date: November 14, 2017

Josh Wolf, comedian snd host of the "Fairly Normal" and co host of the "Prinze and the Wolf" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio! This podcast is brought to you by:   Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your order and stop using nasty toilet paper forever! ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 11/13/2017.
  

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That's zip recruiter comm slash church one more time to try for free Go to zip recruiter comm slash church Number two, but days are back. Let me explain the situation What's gonna happen in two weeks your family's gonna come over your house gonna eat turkey They're gonna eat pie pumpkin pie salads. Everything's happy But if you invite 10 people four people gonna go in your bathroom and fuck that motherfucker Then sit on your couch with that rotten ass protruding Leaking through the underwear is you know your grandmother's ass things like a fucking mule

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Little something for black people is when black people are black people into this guitar kick it Lee You Motherfuckers one problem you got the church what's happened now Josh Wolf my favorite Christ killer Lisa Yats And your uncle Joey Diaz direct No Skype No Periscope Just beaming through the fucking airwaves. You understand me

Here we go kick it Lee Oh shit Oh Just when your daughter would say We're in your fucking living room greetings cocksuck this welcome to the church of what's happening now Josh Wolf my man Lee Syat everybody's in the house Before we get this started if you came to the shows in New York, thank you very much if you got hit in the head with a chair

I'm sorry Things happen at the church reunion It's like an Irish wake the church reunions Somebody always leaves with a bottle get in the head, but listen. We had great times you guys a family. Thank you very much for showing up But you've said you didn't even know I didn't even know what's going on Yeah, I thought it was like Puerto Rico my fucking in the stage. There was jazz thrown and shit But hey, that makes for a good night people like entertainment and stuff like that. It's memorable It is very memorable. What's up with you, mr. Wolf? What were you this weekend Atlanta, Georgia?

Yeah, man. How was that? I love that club the punchline down there the new punch. Yeah, do you like that? I've never been there. I really like it. They love you Marcy loves you down there Okay, we were talking about you but that club is just cool It's and it's in Buckhead now, and I love the Atlanta crowds. How far is it from the airport? It's still the hour 25. Okay, it's not the long no 25. No, no, no, no, that one was that they're not there anymore They're in like Buckhead. It's like 25 minutes. Oh, there's a punch line What was a punch line? There wasn't there was an improv for a little bit, but punch line was the one that you did The punch line was the one you did but it was way out there was way out there, right?

Now this one is just closer to downtown. Yeah, I didn't like that fucking long ride on Monday You were in the middle of nowhere That sucked because you couldn't get out of the hotel and do and you were in the middle of fucking nowhere. I like Like I'm getting a little older. I like The gigs to be somewhere like where I can get out of the hotel and just like see something Just saw something walk. No, me too. Me too. You know what I mean the same way. I like the Sun I could tell when you're in your hotel room too long like some mornings. I go down get breakfast Smoke a joint and you go back to your room. You read you're right. That's 11 o'clock. You like something's not right. Yeah

Something's not right and you go outside and you're like, this is what I need I need the Sun and you want to go somewhere when they put you in those hotels in the close of the industrial park Those are the worst the one first one Austin like a couple years ago Yeah, like the one in Austin, but then I made them bring me back to double tree But you know sometimes you're in your hotel for too long This weekend my the do not disturb was on the door all weekend and I didn't really leave the Hotel room so at one point housekeeping knocked and asked is everything okay? Is everything okay?

Everything's okay. Are you sure? I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. It's like, do you need anything? I'm like, no, I'm good It's like sometimes I just get stuck Sometimes I just get stuck in the hotel room Sometimes, you know, if you're not near anything, I just get stuck and and I just The fucking shades and I'm there all weekend a lot of people understand is you know I was talking about the downfall of Houston. We spoke about the Houston comedy. So I was talking to you about it And we were talking about you know when you went to Houston 15 20 years ago. It was such a party The whole yeah, and it was a great party. What was that club?

And it started Tuesday and you were there till Sunday Stay till Monday for the open mic because you you never missed the open mic thing, you know and When you left there, I Realized that a lot of those guys drank every night. Uh-huh like they just went from headline to the headliner You know I'm saying like who's here next week? David Tallah. We're back here tomorrow Yeah, yeah, you know they had those type of lineup. So when they came to Houston when they came to a light They'd see the same comics and Now we're not drinking, you know, because you're in that light. You gotta get up at eight. You gotta be sharp

People understand when you go on the road, you're a different animal. You have to be now. There's two different types of animals There was what I was till 10 years ago that If I knew I was leaving Wednesday night I wouldn't snort Monday and Tuesday Because I was like, what's the use this a waste of snort. I can only snort to one I can't start till 10 to my wife falls asleep And in the on the road I could start as soon as I get off stage And stay in that whole top room. Did you snort?

The entire time you were on the road? Yeah, did you From when you there was never a weekend that I didn't do coke or scored in one way or another It got worse. Does it be like towns like Houston? Miami that was just for me was a snortathon. Yeah Well, you know, it's like those guys that sell t-shirts. That's why I don't sell t-shirts Because I never want to come back to you when you go. How was your week of this old 80 t-shirt? Yeah, you didn't tell me nothing about your comedy. You didn't tell me if you bombed the third show

You didn't tell me that you improvised. You didn't tell me that you had great crowds. You didn't tell me nothing, you know, it's it's It's the same thing. I didn't go there for the comedy I went there because I had three coke dealers And I was about to make 1600 bucks in two weeks Did you book cities that you knew you could get coke in? Absolutely. El Paso, Houston Miami, Buffalo, anywhere where I knew it was right there in the club Like I don't have to fuck around and wait for Johnny El Paso like Kelly Moran. No, uh, he was somewhere else. He was in uh Was it me? Well, maybe he wasn't in those places, you know, wherever you are in texas is blow

So no matter what town you go to all you need is three hours and you bump into a mexican And within 10 minutes a mule come around the hill With bales of blow, but no, that's the way it was towards the end. I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you I went out for the art I went out because I knew I was gonna stay somewhere where I wouldn't be bothered One of the worst coast coke benches I ever went on was erogan In vegas and he had nothing new and I'll tell you how bad I was But he had no idea no idea and it was I was getting coke from a guy in vegas that was giving you

An eight ball for 90 bucks. No, no, maybe like 110 But for 125 he gave you a come down kit So he'd give you two vicarins two xanaxes and something else something crazy like nothing spectacular a real wheeler and dealer this day, so I would tell him don't give me the Xanax give me the vicarins Which is no bueno

So we got on a thursday night and my friends were in town from jersey They were like a big-time hotel and they kept calling me gonna come over I didn't see them the whole weekend I had a show on saturday on thursday Like joe didn't get until friday. I had a whole night without joe Like they called and said do you want to do radio friday? Joe doesn't want to do it You know, I got a room thursday night. Yeah, i'm honest And I would go to vegas

Call that guy and he was so tight with the hotels that he was walking it right to your room You know most hotels don't let you go up to the elevator without the key. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he knew everybody. He greased everybody's part 10 minutes. He know, where are you? I'm at the hotel right next door. I'll be there in 10 minutes. You're like, whoa Because you're like a little bit left. You know what I answer you got to make the call. You're like, that's not gonna last It's 3 30. I got to go till 7 a.m I mean that that's a good drug dealer right there. Oh, he was a brilliant drug. I remember I forget who you were complaining about Who you were complaining that they were a bad drug dealer

But I remember it when we were it made me laugh. You were like this motherfucker is the worst You were like, he doesn't pick up the phone. I'm like dude. He's a drug dealer. You're like, they got to have some etiquette They got to have etiquette. Yeah That's why you always got all your drug dealer something. Yeah How much I owe you 160 Shit, I only brought 120. I'll call you tomorrow with the 40. Don't pick up the phone. You own 40 hours Oh, look at this guy. You always got all your attorney money He sends you a bill for 2,500. You sum 20 to 50

You look like a like a what happens a mental gene a mental What happened to 250 I got you on the phone that night I always got to keep you on a hoop. You know, the lawyer opens is Open that fucking mail and is like this motherfucker. This motherfucker This might always under guess what when the bill says 2,500 and then he calls you Now he has to call you and ask you what happened You still go over your case with him and he can't charge you because he called you Wait, if they call you they can't charge. No, because he's calling me for the money. But by the way, by the time I got you

I mean, I'm gonna try that you always if you have a problem with people pick up the phone. Yeah, all money. Oh, yeah, they always pick up the phone I had those drug dealers on fucking speed dial that really listen And I've heard you say a lot of things That makes about as much sense as anything you've I don't get what's honey bought 180. I love when they leave that hinge That hook. Yeah, that's that's how I get you how much 155. I'll give you 140 What about the 15? I'll be back tomorrow

And then tomorrow I come back for a gram at 60 So what do I owe you 75 so I'll come with 50 And now I owe you 25 So I get you deeper in the hole without you even knowing I used to all my when I was running those street drug dealers Elk and Padre always had to pay cash. There's nothing you could do that's cash and carry But the other two guys I always owe them money. I owe them money till they actually threaten me. Is that right? Yeah, like joey The tab is too high. Yeah

I'd have the money but I refused to give it to Because I my addiction was so strong. I never wanted them not to pick up the phone I always told them the next day I'd have that 700 for you. I get the 700 tomorrow Then I call them and show up with two in front of another eight ball. Oh my god. So now I got you back to the fucking 625 How many people would you owe money to at one time three? Oh What year what years were that was that what years? Okay, when I was in new york, everything's cash and carry, you know 40. Yeah if you go into mad hatton When you get personal dealers people saw the house that cash and then they're always

You treat them good for a month. You keep one point then you start smacking them around It's fucking crazy I have to tell you the thing one of the things that I like the most about The legalized weed out here is that you don't have to go to that dude's apartment And get your in just sit on the couch and pretend it like you like them You know what I mean and pretend like you want to smoke a joint with him or whatever or pet his dog or whatever the fuck You know that I'm really glad that that part because you would knock on the door and he'd be on the couch

He's like come in come in and fucking You know, it all depends. I don't miss that at all like tonight. I didn't stop at the weed store But it's the same shit in the park. I gotta get out. I gotta take my wallet out Give my fucking license Sometimes I don't have cash. I go to a russian atm machine which means Trump got my fucking license number atm number Then I go on and by the way, it's the same fucking thing They they they throw these hot girls at you that don't know about weed

And they give you what gets them. I mean why they weigh a buck ten and they listen to whatever their boyfriend says So I'm in the same predicament. Yeah, by the way When people tell you that their weed is good They have no idea. I throw it away. I tell it. I try to help people out and try to Yeah, yeah, this ain't gonna do nothing to me. There was a kid at the ice house for three weeks This is my test. There was a kid at the ice house kept bugging me for three weeks. Hey, man I grew this weed. Here it is. Talk about it on the show Now I smoked it at night. Nothing happened

The next morning I got up nice and early. Nothing happened Well, I take a shit in the morning that first shit. I'm smoking at the same time because I got the bathroom to the door So I'm shitting and smoking at the same time If I call you at 7 30 in the morning smoking pot rest assured. I'm taking a shit I'm sitting there with the pipe smoking it then when I finish I wipe my hands I wash my hands I pick up the pipe again And I go back to town. How often when you call me in the morning. Are you taking a shit? If I'm calling you in the morning, sometimes I'm sitting at my desk, but if I go in the bathroom, I use that's my phone time

I'll smoke while I'm writing tweets and shit. Yeah people are calling me because they're like, oh, he's awake I'm awake, but I'm not gonna stop doing what I'm doing for you. Yeah. I'm on a roll right now. I'm listening to music I got a weed. I'm not stopping to talk to your dumb ass about whatever So don't even bother my phone's on the charger anyway So now when I go to the bathroom I return those calls Well, so he talks to you when he's taking a shit all the time. I don't tell people I'm taking this shit I'm not that rude. I'll just take this shit and talk to you about business Oh my god, I did a podcast once on the phone

And this kid was took a pee in the middle of it. Oh, yeah He never released it. He just he took a pee during the middle. You can hear the the pee he never released That's why the podcast But it's it's really crazy when you What are we talking about? We're on a good. Yeah, I don't uh drug dealers weed dealers Yeah, all that shit you I like going to drive. I miss going to drive I took me the longest to get a license Because I did not like

The whole process of it I missed the friday. I missed getting your $2,000 check I really miss getting your $2,040 check And getting your check cash and going to the bank putting 100 in the bank or 140 And going to that weed dealers house and buying your little 35 dollar bag of weed and putting it in the trunk and driving home Knowing it's illegal and then you stop at a liquor store. You stop at the coke dealers house You gotta stop your rolling papers It's a complete I liked it because

You can still do all of that Except replace going to the weed dealers house With walking into a store with lots of options You know what I mean too many options though. I like places that I wish I mean I wish in I told somebody Yeah, but better weed now or before we came 20 years too Too early because I wish that I could put a camera Tap it and show people my memories

like I really wish Like there was a place I bought coke at that you just walked in there was a dinner table Where was it a card game? It was it wasn't even a dinner table. It was a card table That's it an account two couches in the living room in hollywood. No fucking hollywood NYC All school where you'd walk in there'd be a guy with a gun three guys with guns at the door columbians of dominicans and you sit in the couch santa day

And then You're next you walk in the room. There's two bags of coke. There's a little electronic scale Guy puts a card on the table. You snort it takes the other batch. You snort that What do you want 35 25 you get it? He puts a little foil gives it to you gives the cash to some other guy on the way out And that's it on the hallway. They got three people garden I Just like that. I used to buy coke at places like that one of the first places I bought coke was

Was on 137th and amsterdam and there was a columbian disco And in the daytime they fought chickens So I always went at night now at night you'd walk in there and there were people at the door fucking lit like this is 82 83 With guns All right, the guy checking the idea would have a gun And he would walk you'd walk in And you'd say i'm here to see josh

And right there they press a buzzer and josh's head would be dj So josh would be dj Okay, you know 82 spinning the records must be the music All these spanish people don't speak english, you know, and they charge them seven dollars a beer and they're in the spanish stuff You'd walk into the dj booth He closed the door and before he closed the door. He'd stick his hand in the door. You see the If I open the door the door has a A thing up on top. They caved it out and they'd hide the coke in there

In the top of the door the top of the door so he would stick his hand out take the baggy out And he had a scale in between the two turntables It was crazy. This is 82. I was in high. I still remember that the night that You know when they do the senior awards most likely to succeed Like that night, for example, my friend sabbatino's father had a liquor store So our plan was to go into the city cop get weed coke and on the way back Robbed a liquor store. He had the keys and the alarm codes I will never ever forget that night. So think about it the night that you're

Giving away awards. Yeah me this kid fernie and this kid stinky Went into the city while the awards won and we picked up four eight balls Ludes You know by the time we got to the awards ceremony. It was over. I quit. I quit high school already But the kids that I went with were like that my friends came on they're like you won The kid that drove won best body

And he was with me getting high in the city But you would walk to the back through people be dancing and you'd walk through the dance floor They'd open the dj thing for you and he'd get the coke from the door And he'd sell you whatever you want a couple eight balls and shit Rams of coke that was it that that time. That's all I was buying. I wasn't buying ounces or nothing But that's like a chewy's hat like chewy's hat. Yeah, so he would walk out but I've gone to some Tremendous places to cop. I mean I could write a fucking book Yeah, mr. Wendell my best song 20 years ago, mr. Wendell

The black dudes that were hot No, mr. Wendell put on youtube and put on mr. Wendell. You remember this. How old are you 44? 40 Eight, yeah, you remember this song this came out in 93. Mr. Wendell. Yeah, it was a black song by the popular black group wasn't Like the fuji one of those, you know like like those they all came. Oh, yeah Like what happened to other guys the filipino the two black guys and the chick They're done, you know

The chick that was married to the guy in mbc, you know, he cheated on her the strip thing. She's from the valley She's from the valley. You know, yeah the two the black dude arrested development. Oh, yeah, you don't remember this fucking song Arrested development see Yeah Fast forward this to the song mr. Wendell see you remember Keep going See So we used to go to a place 125th. That's good. Lee. I just wanted the memories

We used to go to a place 125th and Broadway and he was an old black dude Old he had to be 70 And all he had it was wise potato chips a couple sodas and bulletproof glass And you went in there And you'd say what do you got? He said I got booted tired today 10s and 20s. I had to confuse him I Said give me three turns in 220s He'd go what 220s and all of a sudden next you know, I would he would put him under the thing

Like seven of them for me to look at him and I clipped one I had mr. Wendell down to a science poor old guy. This is when I was broke broke broke when I go over there with $28 20 for the bag and eight to get over him back That's enough for a hot dog Dude, I gotta say the the first time I went to A dealer's house to buy coke and I was proud I don't think

I think it was wasn't till I was like 19 or something like that. I was in college The dude scared the piss out of me on purpose. That's what they do. Yeah on purpose So, oh dude because he was I went with a buddy mind and he just said only one And he pointed me was like you come on. I saw my buddy. It was like and you go wait down the street So he my friend went fucking walked on the street and I was like damn it And he had this doberman lady That as soon as I walked in Just walked right up to me and followed me growling the entire time

And you sit down right there I sat on the couch and the dog sat right by the edge of the couch just staring at me growling And I was like hey this man if this if this is like a bad time or you need to come back or whatever I'm happy to do so, you know if you and lady need to you know Take a walk or whatever and he was like no now's a good time. He's like What was that you needed you needed some coke and I was like, yeah, and he goes all right. I'll be right back And then I just hear him go lady stay And he just

Disappears in the other room and the fucking dog Is just right there just staring at me growling And I was just like what the fuck is about to happen Like I I seriously thought if I run for sure The dog is gonna bite me right like a hundred percent So I was just sitting there. I'm like, I'm just trying to stay fucking cool in the least bit and the dude In was gone felt for like three four minutes and he starts laughing he comes back

He goes you lasted longer than most people and I was like, oh my god He goes lady go and runs away and I was like phew. He was like I was just testing you man I was like for what he was like just to see if you were gonna, you know Shit yourself. I'm like, yeah, I basically did man We ba I basically did shit myself But then I never went back and bought coke from anybody ever again I always got somebody To get me coke because I was like, I'm not fucking coke dealers were always doing that shit. My first coke deal was patty deep

Another guy that wore a robe Yeah, man, like why Why why a robe but he made the best tuna He put lemon juice on it. He squeezed fresh. How are you eating his tuna? Because he would offer it to me sometimes when I would go over there Then I had this other like the funniest things happen when I was younger and go to drug these are the things I remember Never mind the things I forgot, you know The time I went to Gunter's house

To sell him a fucking bidet one of those fucking Things where you put your glasses in and dishes What dishwasher? No, I stole this fucking thing. Here we go to your mom's house in the fucking kitchen She's got a thing that holds her wedding dishes and Silverware and glasses. Yeah I found one on the street one day in a box me and my friend and we picked it up and stole it And we brought it to him and that night I went back to get the money from him And he had the robe on and he had a chick over there that was sucking his dick while he would take a shit

I mean, that's what I bumped into those are the houses that I loved all that shit When you go somewhere to get coke and they got drunk I'm over there. I love all that shit. I Just thought of a question. I can't believe I've never asked you before If you add it up Everything that you've stolen ballpark You ever thought about how much just total

price Of shit You've probably stolen. Let's get even kinky. The other day I was sitting there the other day on the plane going I Wonder if I could cut my nose off and there's like a ticker in there for how much coke I did To translate it into fucking money That would because you gotta remember the last

10 years I paid for everything Like for every line that I got from 97 to fucking 2007 I paid for everything you you weren't a Let's go out to a party and I'll put my drugs down. Got a guy. No, that's not what was happening I let other people do it. Yeah Oh my god, this coke is tremendous. Yeah, that was not your thing I've been to parties where people just emptied one bag after the other. Yeah, no, that was not your thing to impress girls

No, no, no You know, it's funny because when I stopped from the time I started To the time I went to prison. I stole 70% of that blow I did Stole it from who anybody and everybody whoever sold coke and I would just set them up. I'd have three or four dealers at one time and whoever got the weakest on me Do you think do you think maybe like it's close to breaking even between the stealing and the buying? Yeah, that's good. I honest to God. I just had this thought process on the way to new york on thursday on

I was high on jet blue. You know, you're high. Oh, yeah, and I was like I wanted all I know the last year The last three years all those years in in LA Jesus from 2000 on easy 3 400 a week You know, there's to spend 15 1200 to 15 like After 2003 I was spending closer 2000 months between the weed and the holy shit And how much you have to let's add it up a gram of 60 dollars. I was doing two grams a night four times a week Can I ask you how much did you weigh when that was going down? Who the fuck knows?

That wasn't what you think I was I know, but were you were but like Because what I always thought was like, how is he? For a dude that big 600 a week times four is 2400 a month Right, you figure I was buying two h and fave men for 60 dollars a fucking week That's 120 And I was buying Fucking eight grams a week at 60 dollars. That's minimum That's if I went to let's say I went to el compadre one night and bought two twenties in the game in a pure shit

I wouldn't go back out that night. Oh, I don't know addition the next day But the last three years you got to assume I was doing two grams a night at 60 a gram And were you going to every night every four nights a week were you going to dispensaries then because I know The one that dispenses open you told me that like you spend a ton of dispensaries. No, I wasn't going no fucking dispensaries then You know Then after 2004 I got one of the credit cards back And I remember one month I put five thousand dollars at the dispensary on my wife My wife never got mad at me and nothing like that, you know, my wife on the stand

When it comes to my reefer But that time she sat me down I maxed the card out it was at $4,800 in a month in a month From the pharmacy. I was dropping three a day I was going in there dropping three Every two days every three days. That's when they had lollipops and cookies breath mints the breath mints They had the the eights were 90 dollars in those days guys The weed was beautiful and it was 90 dollars in those days

The breath mints were the were the first edibles to really fuck me up Because they put them right under your tongue The breath strips the breath strips. Yeah the breath strips. Those are the first ones the best the best edible back then Was kushmar had a taffy I never had that no that would just send you to juba It was 10 years beyond I'd like to know who the fuck those people were You know what you get? You know what those things you get coke in that you have to open those little zip bags you have to open

And then you do a bump It was the size of that it was like a jolly rancher like a little jolly rancher, but flat And when you opened it you could actually see the thc oil On the bottom of the bag like on moon corner like maybe a 10 But you could see it and when you ate it you went black out Like I always had strong edibles like I remember when kushmarch brownie was dead 200 milligrams that That was killing people. I remember the whole thing and taking the flight to pittsburgh And I couldn't control my legs on the flight. I mean it was painful. I couldn't stop moving my legs

It was painful. You understand the 200 milligrams is still a lot for most people Oh, yeah, two on the bro. The other had I gave an agent I brought a What do you call this the knockout the cushy punch cushy punch. I brought a cushy punch I ate 50 150 milligrams and then I took the square and I probably ate 30 and I gave him 20 And I watched him sink into He's about 23. He probably weighs about 170. Okay

I gave it to him before the show before dean del ray went up At one 20 minutes in He was already eating the chicken sandwich with french fries and he wasn't stopping You know when people eat and they're not stopping. Yeah, like they're putting french fry bite french fry bite pickle Dippin and ketchup. Yeah The whole time they're looking at you scared like he was taming the animal And then I went on stage and I lost him and I asked the other agent how they do He goes, bro, you had to see him the rest of the night. He was fucking on something. It was terrible. Did he take off?

Uh, I think yeah, he he left 20 milligrams killed people. Well, you got to work yourself up to it So no way you could I like those Decadose chiba chews. That's what I like 180. It's like 175 That's basically what I like. That's like a fucking burp for us. I know it is. It's crazy I still remember when I was getting the wrapper. I was getting the 180 for me I would eat the 180 and I would take the wrapper from the 180 All right, I would take the 180 take it out and open the 60 And I would take the 60 out of that and I'd put the 180 and the 60 sativa and give it to me

And this was in the very beginning at the office and he would try to convince me that I was going crazy like, you know, it's only 60 milligrams No, he was training. Yeah, I guess No, I back to the original question. Yeah, I don't know if the drug dealer's interesting Like I remember buying weed off a guy that had snakes What? He had snakes. Yeah, I don't like that shit all over the fucking house You know and you come in and he goes to be careful. One of my bowers is a loosener. That's what I'm saying It's a poisonous snake. Yeah, you know, he was one of those what he would have them running around. Yeah, you know, fuck that

No, thank you. That's what you know that type of shit. Yeah, you know the fucking dog and the snake if you've ever been on drugs And you watch that drug scene with boogie nights That's five in the morning on a coke dealer's house You saw that same way. No, you've never seen that scene. No, I haven't you haven't seen boogie night. No This is why But I'll call him and him and his girlfriend are watching The worst television or tv. You could have a dream of you have to watch boogie night suit

I'm even scared to ask what he watches. And here's the funny thing We could sit here and talk about boogie nights. Yeah And for a year, he'll still go home and have the audacity to watch black as the new orange or something like that You put on boogie nights. Oh, you have to watch boogie nights Chinese scene. Whatever the fuck they call it Firecracker firecracker scene. You leave you slip daily You're gonna get a list in the week and you're gonna watch those in order Whether she likes to or not you have got to watch it's like this is what you're watching tonight Whether you this is what's on this tv tonight that

If you want to watch something else go to the other tv or go to your mother's house and watch telemundo But this is what we're watching here today Burt Reynolds in that movie. Oh, no, they were all fucking fantastic Burt Reynolds is the fucking best in that movie You find it. I think so. It's called jesse's girl. Yes Yeah Everybody's fantastic in this movie. There's not a bad fucking actor in this goddamn movie The guy the child pornographer. Oh, yeah, everybody the roller skate girl. Watch disley Philip Seymour Hoffman, Philip Seymour Hoffman the guy from spider-man marquis wallburne

Is this a song or is this supposed to be in the movie? This is the movie now while they're free basin coke. Look li watch Oh and Alfred Molina. Yeah. No, no, no, this is tremendous And the chinese guys just lighten firecrackers Just know it That's exactly why I don't miss going I mean But That's a year of doing cocaine every day. That's why he should have won an academy award for this

This nonsense he was going through with the music and the singing in the studio, that's cocaine. That's how blind to get you Leave it leave it. You're gonna learn something Yeah That's marquis wallburne out of space, sir We gotta split man. We gotta go. Oh come on. Just got here We're here now and we want something else from you So it's a drug rip late Jesus, okay. Why don't you want something else from you?

Why top what the hell are you doing now? Let's just go In the master bedroom Under the bed in a floor safe Understand What the fuck is the matter with you Todd? Let's go hot. Come on. Shut up. Durga. I told you I got a plan. I got a very good plan Are you kidding me kidding? No, I'm not see I'm not kidding. I want what's in the safe We want what is in the goddamn safe in the goddamn master bedroom in a fucking floor on the goddamn fucking force safe

That's all tough. Don't be crazy. Okay Sir, you don't know anything about this. Okay. He's not at all. We want to shut the fuck up, sir Do not reach for your gun and don't reach for your gun. Jesus Christ Army Here's the shit that could happen a four in the morning. None of this seems fun I'm saying You went to bed What the fuck did you go crazy like coke and he's got cash in that safe in that bedroom?

And we leave here without a man fucking idiot's man We came here to motherfucking do something and we can fucking do it. All right. Are you with me Todd? Listen to me Let's just split man. Let's just split right now. This is not the safe. This is not supposed to be the safe guys Can you imagine me taking a ride with me and this happening to make all this out of house? No, me telling you to give you a ride at four in the morning real quick It's this is what happens to people. Yeah We'll just shut him with a shotgun. Fuck yeah. Nope It's why I said I don't like going look they're right in the hollywood hills. Oh jesus christ

Come back Ah I can't believe you haven't seen this movie. No, why would they do this? This is how am I supposed to know if I've never heard of it? You've never heard of the movie. No, but you got time to watch orange and a new black and All out of this shit. Oh my god. I mean so I but that is exactly when you're saying that's what you miss That's what I don't miss. That's the action that I missed for years that I always was looking for For years. I missed that type of fucking nonsense. We uh go back for a second. Oh jeez. I'm sorry. We won't say but like

That's why for me the store. You don't have to Deal with something. This is such a good movie. Yeah In so many fucking levels because it shows The guy getting picked up as a waiter Get into porn blowing up into porn that scene with the chick and him and that There's the chick with the two women in the room Roller skate girl and the white chick that's red hair with freckles on the tips. Yeah with the

She should have won an academy award for that coke scene right there julie and more julie and more the guy the second one 25 great boogie night quotes That guy right there that plays the fucking pervert the child molester. Yeah, this is a fucking tremendous movie This is your next assignment friday night. I'll watch it. I'll watch it before friday. How yeah, how it's three hours or something Oh, is it really? Okay. It's deep Yeah, put it on this and i'll tell you it burt re like again again burt reynolds is so damn Burt reynolds is good

He did it with the colonel was saying, you know about my name. Uh-huh. I was just wondering if you had any ideas If I had some thoughts on it, you know What about you? What do you think? Well My idea was you know, I just want a name. I wanted so we can cut glass, you know, like razor sharp razor sharp Yeah, well when I close my eyes, I see this thing It's like this big sign and the name is in like bright blue neon lights with like purple outline And this name is just so bright and so sharp that the sign

It just blows up because the name is just so powerful What is going on He's a waiter. Yeah, burt reynolds picks him up. He shows him his dick He gets him into porn because he wants he's always wanted to be in porn. Yeah, well, he's a broke kid He quit high school Then this guy's the child pornographer. Oh, thank god. He goes to jail Eventually eventually. Yeah Uh, so yeah, I didn't even consider when I was like

Even weed I was always scared that I'd pick go to the one Dealer that was an undercover cop. I didn't even consider That it was craziness like I figured they'd want to run a business and get people out of there They they would make you watch them dance. I used to buy coke from two guys Oh, no when the martel cartel was original the martel cartel was originally two black dudes But then they got robbed. There was two black dudes and a white dude But then somebody robbed them and I became alliance with them because I gave them a gun But then the dude I gave the gun to took off

So I got stuck the the black dude bought out the white dude because he didn't want to get shot at no more martel And then he didn't want to get signed up anymore so Well, he did was The black dude stayed and he got a russian girlfriend But to make ends meet he hired a superhero You can't write this shit from hollywood. I hired a superhero the hulk. He's black Yeah, and the hulk lived in his closet under the stairs

So at night I go with it by coke and you'd see two little black feet on the body He killed somebody but dragged them neck in first And I go bro. Who is and then I written I still see the hook once a year. He gives me a big hug Where you see him walking around hollywood or at the comedy store. He came in one night gave me a big hug He stutters and shit the guy who plays the hook on hollywood boulevard used to live Under his and I used to look under there. He had like a picture of his mom on the wall a little light You've seen the videos of those of those guys fighting down there beating the shit out of each other like

though When those two ladies attacked spongebob last year, did you see that? Oh my god, it ain't right. No It ain't right. It ain't right at all. I saw fucking kids attack Hollywood halloween one time in jersey. I saw my friends get attacked Didn't they beat up the guy who plays superman on hollywood boulevard? He like has no teeth now. Like they really he can't even be superman anymore. No, not so superman I I used to When I came out here and used to live with scott

out by dodger stadium um and my buddy neil You know, I used to entertain at children's parties And so but when you put that costume on People will whatever you're supposed to be They'll put like when you were a teenage mutant ninja turtle. They would punch you and kick you. What? Yeah, I mean kids. Oh, and people think it's funny So I can only imagine how much shit they get walking around

In like a superman costume on hollywood boulevard Where you're gone. You're bound to run into some assholes Well, have you seen have you seen the guy on the strip in vegas who lets people kick him in the nuts for 20 bucks? What? Yeah The fuck yeah the sign and everything He's wearing a cup. I don't know. I didn't do it. I don't think so Wait a second Wait a second. I would take a swing at somebody for 20 for 20 bucks. I give him 100 and kick him

I mean, I I find that one. He's there and I go on a 12 week fucking kicking spree. I joined soccer I do everything I can to kick as hard as I fucking can. There's a bunch of youtube videos of it. Really? Yeah And people I would go toe up Oh god He doesn't wear a cup. I don't know about that. I'd wear right there So it's It seems and you saw it. I saw him. I didn't I didn't I don't want to see anyone get kicked in the balls Uh, I mean

He's getting kicked in the nuts You know white dude Oh this guy Yep So getting kicked in the balls for 20 bucks in las vegas. This is fucking tremendous In front of harris kick me in the nuts for 20 dollars. He's got a sign This our country is getting weirder and weirder You count it off

Oh Jesus Christ And he's high-fiving people Hey, man, that's what you do for drugs. Is that your hustle? What drugs is that dude? And he has a guy to hold the sign. I mean how much no cup no joke. How much is he? I mean Yeah, how much does that guy get paid? What kind of cut? He's got to make three bills a day easy You got to go home put your balls in nice He's got to have some kind of harness on

He asked to He you can't let a grown man Take a running kick like that at your nuts and then just kind of Brush it off. Is that a thing? Maybe he taped it down or something. Yeah, that's just something I remember You put up You can't fucking do that man that catches bullet with teeth. Why do you love the sports? I want to see what they have on that guy But that's the same thing like there's no way that happens

He's got to have the bullet in his mouth already, right? No, he puts a mouth guard in it was it was a fucking weird thing Oh, they shoot it into his mouth gotta be in black and white. Yeah This guy was when I was growing up and he got he used to do all the errand There was a promoter in new york that did martial arts At the garden all day event kung fu and how he would close the show Is uh the guy getting shot They put a glass in front of him. You could see the contact of the bullet going through With a 22 and then he would put a fucking mouthpiece in his mouth and catch it and catch it and uh

He got shot eventually I mean eventually you're not gonna catch anything You know, there's only one there's only one way to practice that. Yeah, there's no other way to practice Yeah, you know, it was the 70s. So it could have been bullshit 10 magicians who died on stage Oh, Joey would love that that that was one of the hardest nights I've ever laughed Is when Steve Simone and Joey had magic done in front of them and they both Right. I was there left the room Are you talking about on stage at uh, no, I'm talking about at a dinner. Oh

Me? Yeah at that christmas party we went to they had a magician there Gabriel's yeah, and uh And then you and Steve both like couldn't couldn't deal with it. I don't know by you man I've had a couple magician friends. Not I can't mind you I've never really been over crazy about magician. Yeah, and then I had a magician friend And he was out of his mind like he made me look like a fucking doorprice Drug wise alcohol wise, you know, everything wise. He was just out there, man You know, he was yeah out there. Well, I think you would probably have to be right

He was but he was one of the 10 best comics in the world 10 best Magicians in the world at one time. I mean he showed me all this shit him hanging up and They were throwing in the ocean and a barrel tied up with chains that type of shit, you know Oh, he was one of those escape artists. Yeah, escape magic bar magic. He was the real fucking deal I saw dude. I used to rob this magician. What I don't have you used to rob a magician Listen to me and somebody ratted me out. What's that? What happened to him? You see I'm saying about this podcast came about life in los angeles That you'll see somebody every week for three years and then one week

Poof, they disappeared. Yeah. Who was the kid that was Tweeting us and that he was at all our shows the white kid White kid then he waterboxer. No, then he started going to fucking The late show at the comedy store. He really liked uh don barris jordan lee What where is he? I don't know. I've he was here for a while doing the youtube stuff. Isn't that weird how that happens? You know and you bump into him a year later and you feel bad because They dropped out of your life at one point Dropped out of your life and things happen in that life things really happen that you get called up

You meet a new girlfriend you get a job and you go to mexico for three months They call you on monday tell you got to be in mexico on wednesday You ain't got time to tell all your friends goodbye. So you being the asshole you call that person three times He never returns your calls because he's not even getting the messages And you're like fuck and one day you call him and go fuck you you fucking punk. I never liked anyway I fucked your sister in the ass. Yeah, then he'll call you a year later and go dog. What's wrong with you? I was in mexico. Yeah And you feel like a fucking asshole, but you know what else happens in this town too

Sometimes you realize you're like holy shit. I haven't seen mark in three months You didn't he's just gone. He's gone gone off the fucking It happened. I totally even with the podcast game. We've been doing it now for six years People come They go They drift They come back You know, that's our nature where I was never like that growing up. I never listened to the fucking radio. Anyway

I just switched between three stations Today I listened to serious Fifth I got serious right Lithium lithium. Yeah lithium lithium. Yeah, Ozzie's bonyard Jim Norton Jim florentine and studio 54 I got hits from the 70s and that's it. I got hits from the 80s and hits from the 90s or something You know, do the any of the hip hop stations like 45 or anything? Nothing. Nothing

I See I've figured out late in life that I like I am kind of a homebody like I like Being at my house and but also, you know, when I go now to a restaurant, I get this I'm like an old man. I get the same fucking thing everywhere. I go. I'm not gonna go. I don't go Once I find something I like on a menu That's it for that. That's what I order at that place No, you know, I don't know

When was the last time you went to the uh To convey about When was the last time you were trying new places? Well, you went once and you never went back You follow me. So you went to undercut yourself to the best place you could go to for your convenience and for your time But you never went back anyway, and you've gone to 15 of those restaurants It's number one. You don't build no loyalty nowhere and the places you do build loyalty in a garbage anyway You follow I'm saying to you It's hard to build loyalty and the other day I walked somewhere. I went to 7-eleven

And I see some mexican chicken. She goes, whoa, where you been lately? I didn't know what she was talking about. Go. What are you talking about? She goes you haven't come to get your carnita tacos lately I felt like a man because I built a loyalty over there and she was right. Where the fuck have I been? I'm trying to lose weight. But but but but that you that's one of The top things that you do you've always done. No, you don't fucking man. You've always somebody delivers the goods I don't give a fuck what you have to offer. I just went home this last weekend And when I go home, I have three or four things that need to be done They need to be done

I have a dear friend george. I love him. He's my brother if I ever had a brother. He's one of my brothers But at every restaurant he doesn't understand that I want to fucking pick him up in one day It's gonna happen and I'm gonna fucking stab him with a fucking knife Because there's always a place that's better, but it's 90 miles away But since he's a jerk off and he likes all that type of you know, he likes wine and you know He wants the day like that. I keep it basic My first place off the thing this Thursday was chans dragging it Plain and simple

Did you know what you were getting on your way there on the way there? Oh, yeah And the people who were coming I know what they like Because I went there with them before the one girl who was shown I used to go there with her We weren't even dating But she was such a chinese fan and I was a chinese fan We'd run together and when we'd meet at the house, we'd shower and meet at the house And we'd go to chans and get a pork fried rice disparages and we'd share it. We were kids Yeah, but that's what you do. Yeah the owner when he saw me, you know, he hugged me

How many years and then we told there was a girl at the table that her father was the baseball coach lisa gallo And I told lisa the evolution of driver red at our school for some reason The local Cadillac dealer gave our school two Cadillacs and they put pedals in them So during your gym class in junior year You could start instead of going to gym one day a week you sign up And you go driving for the one quarter for three months you drive But you got to sign your name on the list At 7 30 in the morning for the same time with the same people right trouble go josh wolf sign up for seven

Sign up for 9 45 switch us Why would you want to go with three people? You don't know so me you lee And berkreicher would sign up so us three would sit in the back lee would sit in the front and then the teacher would sit Then we'd switch So the teacher started the program at first was mr. McGrath the gamble And he was out of his mind. He was a football coach, you know, he was out of his mind So at first it started very simple. You got in the car at the high school He pulled over by kennedy boulevard somewhere and then you switched

Then you drove for 12 minutes then lee drove for 12 minutes But it always ended up in the ridgefield circle and that was where the last stop was That's the last place where the last driver would get in And then a block before the school he would get in and drive it on to the lot that was insurance rules The only problem with the ridgefield circle is that's the home to the best. They got a very queen there Hahaha Josh already knows where this is at 60 yards

From the dairy queen is the world's greatest chinese restaurant the country chans dragging in All right plain and simple working man We would either so it started out slow Come on, mr. McGrath, bro. Pull over at dairy queen while we're switching. Let us get a call and it's against pro it's against rules Come on, mr. McGrath. What's a fucking call? What kind of calling you? And next thing you know where we're sitting in the ridgefield circle Eating the fucking coach like hurry up guys. We got to get back You know and that started like that that went on for like a week or two weeks

But the chinese restaurant was just down the block So we all opted instead of doing the 9 30 to 10 15. Yeah, we did the 10 16 We did the we did the 11 to 11 45 Oh, so you kiss them lunch Chans would open up an 11 So we get that 10 after 11 and mr. McGrath when we go to ridgefield circle away this time. Yeah, let's switch it up And as soon as we switch let's do chance dragon, but mr. McGrath We gotta talk to you about

We already called in the order I haven't eaten in about three weeks. You mind if we go in there? Oh, look at this You know, I don't take pictures. Yeah, that's not worth it. Oh, look at my menu on the fucking I want to get the menu on jet blue mint You're ready for what you choose to eat. This is what he takes pictures of people. This is what they give you when you sit down jet blue mint Let me read you mother fuckers the menu

Let me explain some to you people. I fly like a Puerto Rican But when I go to new york, it's a six-hour flight. I save my jet blue points And I get one way I pay for one the other way I get for free. That's the only way I can do this flight Welcome the first thing they open up with is a white peach and raspberry smoothie. How was it? How do you think? Especially when you've had a star three stars in the fucking Then they give you fresh fruit orange kiwi and pomegranate. Yeah pomegranate. They pick it out already So you just eat one by one I'm granted at the time and then they gave you a charred carrot salad. My wife wasn't there. You know what I'm saying

Then corn chowder with bacon and smoked paprika paprika oil Little bits of bacon and fucking corn chowder league Did they give you like six a.m? A six thirty five Then you wait for this was breakfast. This was breakfast. This was breakfast. This was the first serving You ready for this one Lee? You ready? The coconut pancakes with mango pineapple and ginger lime made syrup You had an appetizer for breakfast. That's what they give you dishes little dishes and you sample all of them

And then they also gave you goat cheese with tomato almond. I gave that to the fat fuck next to me There's no goat cheese for uncle John Then I had to double express so twice to kick the fucking meal going on the plane because I was too high Oh my god, and then they brought me a cool house sorbet From los angeles california But she brought me a little weight watcher spoon like a little coke dealer spoon. Yeah, I told her they go listen Take this back. Give me a real spoon. I'll be here for fucking 10 years I'll be on the road to hong kong by the way. They fucking get me here. I hate those little spoons. You know what else I hate those um

every crawfish Every crawfish. Yeah I I can't I don't understand it because It's there's too much fighting for one inch of fucking nothing for fucking nothing Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can't do it. There's too much work And there's no you can eat a pile of those fucking to do this And that's it to suck the blood out. No, no, no, I like crawfish. I'm not putting nobody down I've had plenty of buckets in houston, texas the best place to get them ever and they and it tastes great

It tastes great, but but you know what let's fight the lobster. Let's go for that You give me the big meat. You give me the micro give me the macro. You know what I'm saying? I got a little I got a micro cat at the house. I want the macro. I want the fucking line It's nothing that don't taste good. It's just the returns or not. Uh, it's too much work It's way too much work. I can't do the shrimp like the shrimp cocktails that they have the legs on them still I don't like that. I like appealed You can but you can just tell me let me ask you something When somebody gives me shrimp, I don't give a fuck if I get the eyeballs

Okay, you know why because somewhere there's a fucking person eating a fucking sand dog So when like if you go to uh, uh, there's a place in north bergen, bro That I don't fuck with too much because I don't have the money to go in there But my friends I think have money took me in there And when they give you shrimp Lee They're like nine inch shrimp Because three inches is the head with the eyes. It's the real shrimp I'm never and you just take the thing off just and they crunch it up for you. No, I gotta talk to you guys about something that's

I guarantee people turn this podcast on want to listen to our opinion on it what we thought Because I kidnapped the motherfucker and put him in a trunk of a car But my face never made it to the cover of a newspaper And when I was in new york saturday and I walked around there and I saw every fucking newspaper with Louis ck's picture on it It fucking hit home like it It didn't hit home for me I just said to myself jesus christ. I

Put somebody in a trunk on a car and I made it to page like eight It was just a little blurb under the fucking car dealer and you know, it's different. It's a different time and Louis like at was at the top of the pyramid. You know what I mean? I mean all these allegations every fucking day You get a new allegation and you know what man? The thing that bothers a guy like me is people could allege shit every fucking day But in today's world it ruins your career You know when somebody comes to me and says lee took that dick out of lee

I'm gonna check it out before I open my mouth. I mean, I'm gonna fucking check it out. You know what I'm saying, right? Or what but louis admitted you check it out, right, right? He admitted it and then you know, there's a big thing But it's just not louis It's just everything and now richard drifus got accused or something I saw that and this guy got the president george The first bush is getting accused all the time now and yeah, he got accused again today. Yeah, and um What do you call it? Uh Who else got accused today? You say richard drifus

Who um, uh wasn't today, but the the guy from star trek Yeah, george takai. I also dustin harfman too. That's fucking crazy george takai But now what what's the situation in george takais? It's like a male model or something I guess there's something that maybe now you gotta remember something remember when that movie liberace came on hbo. Yeah I went somewhere Like that movie really fucked with me a little bit because I really knew the truth. I looked I looked at it for what it was You know liberace Fresh to offer people who I don't want you to look at this time in hollywood is oh my god. What's going on in hollywood? Listen

They passed Marilyn Monroe around like a fucking dummy doll. Okay, and many others of those women they passed around They just passed around Marilyn Monroe Marilyn Monroe was the biggest disgrace in american history She was fucking the president A gangster god knows who else along the way God knows who walks along the way. You know, yeah You know sanatra. What do you think he did to women? He told that one lady get a hang of when she was pregnant It's crazy. He threw her out of the house and said go get a fucking hang of it. Yeah

I didn't get you pregnant. You know statements like that shit like that, you know I just I believe in fucking, you know, I've always been on the other side of the coin and sometimes it's been me And sometimes you you're accused just for being who you are. Yeah you know and That's what Then there's another tactic to this that bothers me That really fucking bothers me

Because people in this room will attest to this We change every five years. Oh, yeah our views change. We get smarter. We get wiser You know, you don't do the dumb shit you used to do li you're a nice kid Are you a different person that you were five years ago? 100% And which way In which ways are you a better person now that you were five years ago? I just think when you're at least for me You're in such a bubble in high school and college that you don't really realize

It just I mean you there's a difference between being polite And acting like a good person and I'm still there's still some things that I that could do better. I'm not gonna lie But I think that you learn Through just dealing with people how to act and you see how other people are acting like oh, that I didn't like when someone did that but you still Here's the thing you can change

But you if you did something 10 15 20 years ago There still can be consequences for that Do you know what I mean? Like I understand that people change But that can't completely exonerate you for things that you might have done in your in your past That people just weren't brave enough to say anything. Look at this judge right now Who's something like 70 and they're saying 40 years ago He dated kids in high school and even one of the in the article if you read the article

It said like the mom told one of her told the daughter. Oh, I think you're the the luckiest girl in the world to date roi moor And she was 14 so I can like yeah, she might argue and the thing is he's he's denying it But he might argue like listen. It wasn't that big of a deal back then or I don't know. Maybe maybe it was I don't know I don't know with that one, but Yeah, right. I think I think if you I'm just saying like I'm not saying that You can't change Everybody changes. I'm just saying what you've done. Yeah, just because you change

Because whatever you did if you did it whatever you did Changed somebody else For the worst right and I so there has to be some sort of repercussion for that No matter what how long ago it was like if you did something to somebody That changed their life for the worst that fucked them up and continues to do that Then no matter how long it is you still got to pay for that shit Right and that was what I took away from the Louie thing so far is Like I he even said in his apology whatever you think of it

He didn't realize From the like their point of view and I think that's kind of hard to do Is take the other person's point of view And I like even with him when when he says oh, I I never Touched anybody who didn't want who I always asked it's still terrible from To imagine being 21 and you don't want to say no You're just out here. You all you want to do is get at the job You don't know if you're gonna get fired for saying no, so it's uh

It must be scary. Yeah Yeah I'm sure I'm sure it's really scary and that's why I'm not saying that like I I understand why some people wouldn't come out. I understand why it takes people a long time to come out I listen are you A hundred percent I've been propositioned by men and women Like

It for sure happens for sure And it's it's terrible And and and I think that The more that people come out I think it'll just scare the fuck out of people ones are not because there was nothing there was no repercussions before nobody was saying shit But on the on the other side of that coin and both of you are married, but maybe you have single friends. I don't know

In this day and age if you were gonna date somebody now in the industry Would you have them sign something? Would you have them like if you were gonna hook up with a girl on the road? Would you have them signs like it just that's that terrifies me? I don't know what you mean like just just to be like. Yeah, like this is Legit like when I'm not forcing you into this or like just I don't know I'm in shock about the whole thing. I'm in shock about You know

allegations bother the fuck out of me You know, I want proof. You know from a proof school. I'm with you. I'm with you. You know, it's you and I in a room I mean the lewy thing happened in 2002 Who knew where his sickness was? Listen, you just don't Stand in front of the door take your shirt and your pants off and take your dick out and bang it out in front of them By the way, that sounds terrible. That's two women in a room Two witnesses. Yeah, the sickness was at the highest level of all time What was he thinking was gonna happen? I mean my heart goes out to him. I don't want to say nothing bad about lewy

What I'm saying is I'm looking at it from that perspective Uh, it came out a little bit after that and there was more allegations He may jerked off on the phone with people which I've done a thousand times myself Some girl calls you she tells you she's gonna go in the shower And you tell her really, you know, whatever next thing, you know, you got your dick in your hand and you're breathing heavy for two minutes Who the fuck knows? I mean all these things We all do them and they're simple and we don't think we're doing something

What did create consequence? You know the women how they feel and all that shit. I'm not Going into the politics of all I'm just going into the politics how this ends you And how you have to bounce back in a certain way. Well, I don't think it should have to end him now That's a thing. Well, you said if he does a story short the county store tomorrow, they'll sell if he Truth if they if they said louis is gonna be in the main room tomorrow. Would he sell all the tickets? He would sell all the tickets and of course he would tell his side of the story See, this is what I would do. I would wait six months. Yeah, I know six months write something and go on Broadway tell my side of the story in the fucking off off off Broadway data

What I mean is is I don't think I think this is a fucking Catastrophic thing for sure and I can't imagine what he's going through But his kids but but you know, he also put other people through shit. So So but but here but what I mean is now when was the last time he jerked off I don't know what in all the articles What was the last Around you know, I mean there was something about Courtney Cox. They were producing a show and they were back at Cory But I think it's a little different with with him

Because he he's admitted to it. He's not saying that's what I'm saying. Well. No. No, I I'm happy to admit. Yeah Thank god, but what I mean is I don't think this ends his career. I think I really don't think it ends his career You know, he could sell out wherever tomorrow night Even if he just was going on stage and do stand up, but do you think it would end someone's career? maybe at Your guys his level of comedy Because he's a he was a star is a star. Yeah, I I think it'll affect it obviously affect his career for the worst obviously

But have you ever had fake allegations against you Lee? It's not a good fucking feeling But listen to this man, and this is why I was laughing. I went to eat Chinese food with the girls And my buddy and then from there I went to my seven grade teachers bar And I hooked up with kids. I went to the sixth grade with Sergio neary and fucking uh, this kid Dean LaPreet Dean LaPreet was with me When I cut my thumb This is when I was cutting the whiff of ball bat to put the socks in it and rocks to make it heavy to hit home runs and shit

He was with me. There was another chick there A bunch of us were there just talking shit I forget what my fucking point was You were talking about allegations. Yeah allegations And then my buddy came on because you know you're a stenographer over your buddies on the other side I didn't know that so I went over and gave my two great friends hugs the undertaker The one that owns the he's an assemblyman Yeah, the freeholder and I gave my buddy divo a big hug

I lived with this other guy and I go. Oh Shit, and he got up and gave me a big fucking hug And you know, I didn't remember his name. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah And in 93 he was like the big shot And he always used to know I used to go into the city. He kept me alive that kid in those days That's when I was in real financial trouble and he was a big shot That he didn't want nobody to know he was as much as a fiend as I was in those days And he could not go into new york city. He couldn't do any of those things

But he knew I knew how to keep my mouth shut. So he would come over and go Get me for a hundred dollars worth and get 200 for himself So he'd give me 200 cash to get myself That was six grams I never said a word to nobody That dude had a bad-ass career and he ended it with a dui doing what Got fucked up dui ended everything from now. He became some mouse and so as soon as he saw me

You ever get a dui? No, not me neither. No, I won't drink and get behind the wheel. No, you never did that No, I give him a big hug give me hugged and he goes listen before you leave Do me a favor because one day I walked past the fire station by my house and I heard your voice laughing that went and I go What are you listening to? And the guy's like, he's fucking crazy. He's from jersey somewhere And he goes do me a favor if you take a picture of me and me in the world to me I go do me a favor. I know you're 20 years Let me hang out for a while and then we'll take a picture because if I take a picture of you

Everybody else will see it and then I won't I'm not gonna be able to sit here. Right. This is my hometown bar I come in once a year. They're in the back eating nachos and french fries and shit So finally my buddy comes on he goes do me a favor go take a picture with the fucking guy His feelings are and I go it's not that I don't like him. It's that if I take a picture with him So I went over and I go you still get on mother fucker. You still smoke weed. He goes, yeah Fuck you. I don't want your picture. I go come on. Let's go smoke a joint and I grab them by the arm I go explain to you But if I take a picture there's a bunch of kids in there. Yeah, they're all gonna come over. Let me just relax

He goes, I get it. We started talking And we smoked a joint I go I go out crazy where we were kids and he goes, I know I looked at you And he goes my wife. I'm not married. I'm like, no, how could you be? I go used to stay out three days in a fucking row back then. He was like a bank shot, man And it was just nice talking to me. He goes, hey, I gotta tell you something I don't know if you know this He goes, uh, what's his name confessed to robbing that house

And I go, what are you telling me? He goes, you know that house? I took you to lee that you taped in north bergen, right? I said that was the final straw like when they accused me of robbing. Yeah, and that was the end Now people really didn't know my friends. I went to them and said listen I tell you what I robbed, right? Yeah, I give you a piece of the act I never robbed a house and they're like, who could have done it? I knew exactly who it was and how it went down And they even set me up. She was a step ahead of me and I didn't see it But I never said nothing. It didn't matter. You know what?

If I would have tried to fight it, I had all my finger at that time You had to get out of there at that time. I couldn't get myself out of anything. I was just a piece of shit I was robbing everybody. So I had no leg to stand on but I always knew in my heart I didn't rob that house. Well, guess what that kid got busted And he wanted information and that's one of the things he told me he was involved in an insurance scam And he broke into that house and my friend Found that two days later because he knows cops And they were like that whole time he blamed going on cocoa. He goes, I just wanted to tell you I told

I got my other two friends out and I go Well, I told you right after it happened look at the confirmation. He goes, yeah, he gave it up They're looking at as an insurance scam 30 years ago now So that accusation Always makes me feel like I fucking hate accusations, man. But if you but on the other hand where there's smoke, there's fire Yeah, so if I I want that line I'm gonna sit here and believe one thing and believe another one

It's interesting because the last two days on twitter every four twitters is about somebody's making a remark about what's gonna come out But there's all that stuff with Cory Feldman and Cory Haynes That was crazy on the view and with elissa malano. Was that today or yesterday or something? No, but then people were people were um accusing her of turning a blind eye to Whatever happened to Cory Haynes or Cory Feldman because she hung around them back then she was a kid too like she was what?

15 or 16 or so. That's the tough thing to if you look lay out Listen, I'm not a child psychology. Neither of you. You've had you've seen three kids grow You have a little bit more knowledge than I do. I was a kid on the street So I look at faces and I know what they feel If you don't look at Cory Feldman and You can't tell that he was he was like the other man when we were up From the drugs. They just abused him. Yeah, that's why he wanted to be abused

He let them abuse him That was the only way he could be accepted. Well, take your clothes off dance with the boy You want to stay at the party? He's got a big movie coming out in september with uh Brad Pitt stick around dance with the boys. I mean he didn't He didn't want to he was a kid. He was like that. What do you think I'm saying? Yeah They take these kids you could tell I know when you see a kid and they've been beat up Yeah, though, he's I've been locked up. You ever see a kid when they've been beat up. You don't need to see the scars You see the beating on their face and it doesn't have to be a mental

A beating with a stick it could be a mental beating. He's gone through hell I had it on my face for years. I know exactly what it looks like and what it fucking feels like, man So Cory Hamlin because that was the I wasn't out there like Cory Hamlin No, the the accusation was that charl wasn't it the charlie sheen I don't know. The accusation was something like something like that charlie sheen had sex with Cory. Hey, what's the accusation? That was the accusation that somebody leveled out there That well, yeah, man That on the set of bully bully. Is that the name of the movie? I think bully on the set of bully

That was the accusation Yeah, they're flying all over the place You didn't hear about that one No, yeah, they're flying all over. It just seemed you know, but Cory hamlin. I said he just seems like a kid that He went down the wrong street at the wrong time and he wasn't mentally prepared and between the drugs and the life And just pat remember you was he less than zero. Yeah Well, I know you didn't see less than zero It's one of robert donnie jr. His best fucking oh, so good

Best movies like fuck you with iam man. Fuck your mother up the ass. You fucking moron I'm talking about pound for pound acting in that movie He was brilliant and Did you see how they treated me that movie? Oh, yeah He would just do coke and the guy would bring them to parties and he blow guys and fuck guys Lee come on. I'll give you all the coke you want. Here you go. Here you go Let's go to a party. There's gonna be some guys there waiting to meet They're very important

And they're gonna have a big bag of coke too. So you're gonna go in the room with them and talk and they're gonna rub your thigh and There you are sucking that dick and then he would take them give them more coke What was his name in that movie I forget I remember That was a guy I might go back and watch that. Oh, no, no, no It was on about a month ago at two and I taped it and watched it the next day And it was he was brilliant. I might have to go back and watch that movie. He dies. Shit. I mean it was just brilliant He was a great drug addict the drool coming out of the side of his mouth He was a great drug addict because yeah, he was living it. He was living it at the time

It was uh But when I look at that I see I saw that Yeah, you don't think I saw that in my circles A young when I lived in san francisco, I saw it all the time when you live in san francisco 85 And when I look at the aspen I saw all the time Hey, man, you're a waiter, you know this marky warburg story You write that from something you saw or heard but that's how quick it happens

other boogie nights boogie nights is like Scarface for porn league It's a kid that works in the valley Guy comes in one night. He fucks a waitress that tells him that he's got a big dick And You know, he sees him and the rest is history Then you see that you saw that scene in the hot tub where he named when you where he gets picks his porn name, right? And then he's then he becomes and you know, he becomes he wins the new comer of the year

He starts doing drugs and he's gone And I see me in 80 the 80 right before I got arrested that was me From 87 to right to the point. I got arrested 86 to 87 and a half That was me marky warburg god talking to myself Yeah, the uh john c riley the the entire cast But john the john c riley to me goes

Between comedy and serious better than anybody He did it. He does it in the movie But he slips in between coming they fucking sing Feel the heat feel the heat and they think they really have a song Come on and they got to bring the tapes to the album guy. Those are two Gone coked up guys With a dream of 60 thousand dollars They got a kilo of coke and you see it

That's how good of the acting it is feel the because I've been there. I've been there You too feel the heat feel the heat. That's one of the best scenes in the movie for sure Or were there in the recording studio he's got the headband And he's got his hands up to the to the headphones It's really crazy and he's terrible and they're giving him the Oh, the other guy riley is like fucking playing it like he's jimmy page the guitar and shit It's just a coked up scene. It's like good fellas when he comes home And he's looking for the coke

And they both start crying and she's on the hands and knees. They're two junkies, you know, they're just two junkies I've been there. It's a fucking When I had that when I had that my ex-wife You know when I had that 60 thousand dollar debt and asked and we were looking at each other Towards the end and we had a scene like that where we just broke down. She felt bad You know, I wasn't coming home at night. I would just go to josh. I'm gonna ask my jazz. What's it gonna take for you to leave? What I got a quarter ounce of coke and I don't want nobody around

That's yeah, that was your move What is it gonna take leave for you to give me your apartment tonight because I was paranoid to be in mine So I thought they were watching me. So I come to you in the daytime. I'm gonna leave. I'm gonna give you 200 bucks tonight I'll bring a case of beer with the house. We're gonna switch cars I'm gonna pull into your house with my car You're gonna open up the garage and you're gonna leave with my car and go to the hotel over there on lancash I'm gonna keep them there all night And I'm gonna go to your house and do well and let me tell you something within an hour

I'd be calling you go come over and get me the cops are here Paranoia Comes with you to go. It's not just days of the house I am so glad You know, I I did coke a bunch. I mostly with you. I never liked it I never really liked it. There was a couple times I can remember having fun But I'm so glad I never really liked it and I did that meth just that once

Hated that you're doing Boise No, I did it by accident. I thought it was coke No, I didn't Boise. I didn't Boise Bakersfield Sometimes I didn't I hoped it was coke I hope that I knew what I was getting myself into Now what's next for Louis CK? I mean the agency got rid of him. It's like Kevin Spacey. Kevin Spacey's not getting out of this one But what happens to these they're shooting a movie that's coming out in December. Yeah, I did see that on the plane But here's what happens. I think with Louis CK

I think he goes away for a while. I think he does I think he probably ends up in some sort of therapy slash rehab thing that he puts himself in I think he comes out without representation. I think while he's in rehab he writes It's whatever it is a new hour whether it's more, you know half theater half comedy or full comedy But I think he'll come out And even if he has to just release it on youtube Because the best thing about being a comic so you can never really fire us Do you know what I mean? That's the difference with our job that anybody else is like

Fuck it. So you're not gonna pay me. I'm still gonna go get on stage He could sell I'm telling you when he gets out of jail Not out of jail, but when he gets out of rehab or wherever he puts himself And if he's there are fans of his that'll come see him. The only problem is is like now with how uh People can uh, I don't know what the word is but gathers the storm they could like if like let's say A random comedy club wanted to put him up

There might be people online saying let's let's boycott them Let's let's let's get them like they're least canceled Like like people will go that far now. And so he might have a trouble getting somewhere I think the more that happens The more support he would garner I really do. I think there are a bunch of people Who are Pretty fed up with that

like whatever his This is and this I I used to have this conversation when it came to mike vick Whatever you thought of his Punishment of his crime or punishment It vick got what he got he went to jelly came out. He gets to start over you can't still Make him pay for his crime So louis is gonna pay however. He's gonna pay And then with whatever happens to him. I don't know if there'll be lawsuits

I don't know if it'll just be in the fact that he'll never be Who knows who knows what the pay is But then he still gets to try to make a living doing what he does That I don't think we should ever Take that away from people Do you know what I mean? Like I still think you should be able to do whatever it is that you do Now you may have to do it at a much smaller scale or you may not succeed at it But I don't think we take people's ability away to do it

You know what I'm saying you might have to start a podcast. Oh, yeah, maybe he will keep this story was telling better I want to be around To pick up the pieces When somebody breaks your heart Some somebody twice as smart as I For somebody who Will swear to be true as you used to do with me Who

Leave you to learn That misery loves company Wait and see I mean I want to be around I want to give a shout out to cherry And her son beautiful people came to the show in new york Trey roberts benjamin paul jacob lindberg Anthony johnson holding it up in sack town jabush over in pittsburgh the hidden choice

Alejandro o x s see salvasco robert mcgee And my man-man ben marocchi ski or whatever the fucking name is Joey loves you motherfucker Sex I'm always good like like I you know, I came back from the other one you said the mic vic one Yeah, I always believed that even before I got locked up

God does something wrong. He does his time He comes out he gets a benefit of the doubt in my eyes. If you fucks up again, I was wrong. You know what I'm saying? I agree. I've always been one of those guys. That's point I got locked up and I you know, and I thought When I got in trouble I thought a lot about running I thought a lot of things and I thought about what I believed and I was like, you know when I do my fucking time I come out Who the fuck knows I can always sell

I don't know if I could fucking do this or that but I could always sell You know and you'll figure it out I figured it out, but it wasn't I kidnapped somebody, you know, I was a thief that type of stuff But there was no more bro one time I got I got accused twice One time was a forced accused. It really wasn't accused if you really look at it But one time I got accused of fucking sexual shit And it killed me and the people wouldn't tell me that I got accused

When was this it had to be 20 years ago 25 years ago I was doing comedy And that was at my uh friend, you know, Chrissy fish and and fucking his brother God rest his soul I can't fucking think of his name now. Jesus christ Anyway, you know He was married to this check. He was about 30, but he was married to a chick that was like 50

And they were both heroin junkies, you know, what was the plumber I used to hang out with? Jesus christ, I used to take me and stinky into the city and He'd get heroin and we'd get pills Emil Amiel bonehead a legend of bonehead So bonehead was married to an older chick And I was at their parents house. I was tight with boneheads parents. I grew up with boneheads parents I've been hanging out with boneheads since 80. This is 97

I did time I went back. You know, I was Brothers with all three kids I was always one of those guys. I just didn't hang out with josh, right? I was josh. I got with john The other fucking one Gary So you hang out with different I hung out with all three brothers And I had the one brother and me got pills together and giggled The other brother and me the least one that I liked He always had good coke and I always knew how to dump jewelry on them and shit and the other brother I grew up with

So they knew everything about me And I'm in the pool and there's and it's bonehead me bonehead are in the pool Chris fish his son and Bonehead stepdaughter And stepson or maybe the step son wasn't there but the stepdaughter was there You know, we're all in there. You know, like when you pick up a kid and throw

Like you throw him to somebody else. Yeah, like they threw her at me She must have been like 14 or 15 And I grabbed her under her armpits and I threw her back and I did that like two or three times Good to go We got out of the pool. We ate We sat around and that's it two days later. I left I come back nine months later to do rascals or something And again, I didn't hear nothing again, but I hadn't heard from bonehead

Bonehead stop calling me lived in vegas at the time And then one day Chris told me he goes, bro, I don't mean to say this to you He goes, you know, how much I believe them this much He goes, I've gone up and because bonehead lived with them with the two kids downstairs for a few years So they had caused all types of problems these kids So he goes when you left that time She said you touched uh And I was like, who are you talking about?

And he goes to curl and I go first off Come on. No, I was in front of eight guys Yeah, he goes, that's what I said That's the first thing I said I come she didn't say nothing. She stepped while I was right in the pool And somebody would have seen some Yeah, and but I was also scared of I get I always start to if I stayed in bold of my wife would say something A lot the kid something would have gone wrong that way And then when I was an open micer I got banned from the comedy works one time because the chick

Jumped on me and when I grabbed her I grabbed her ass, but it wasn't like I grabbed and squeezed them That's where my hands landed I was tight with the girl a week later. I get banned for life But now I'm back at the comedy works because it was nothing. It really was nothing. I remember when you were banned Yeah, it was really nothing. So I've never been like a A deviant like that. Yeah, you bump into freaks and you know what time it is you guys You know, they want to drink some juice You know that they're running out of time like a vampire

I need to drink that juice until he's your lucky number You ever go to the supermarket and pull eight and you gotta wait for 20 minutes Not tonight you pull eight and it's your lucky number. It's number eight Oh my god, I remember I just feel I can't I listened to you did something to me And I got the proof whatever Yeah, but for me to come out now and go hey

32 years ago you did this listen to me a favor go fuck yourself And if I did do it listen, I apologize and I'm sorry. That was a long And things happen. What are you gonna do that dude? Okay, so that dude who The dude who touched the 14 year old or whatever the fuck happened say he touched a 14 year old 30 years ago Then nothing who so say say a dude now I didn't know anything about this sound like politics. So I saw the name on cnn and sexual misconduct Yeah, you know And look I try not to look watch the news either because who the fuck knows what

But the accusation is That when he was third in his 30s, he dated teenagers And then in particular one girl was 14 I guess But there's like did you see that he signed her yearbook? No He signed her as a grown man. He signed that's not good every year Yeah, and he was like, I don't know her and they were like, you know, motherfucker. You signed the yearbook They said he would go like walking around malls

To like Yeah, when he was bored. That's what he said he was doing. But there's and there's a couple like articles that just say his town People in his town. It was just well known that he dated teenagers Now, what if you ask somebody to eat that pussy? Is that sexual misconduct? Like if you say something, let me ask you a question. You're looking really good today What if What if you let me lick that monkey? No, you know what I think it is

I think it is I think one of the funniest things I've ever heard anyone say on stage Was you and it might be considered at this in today's day and age. Maybe sexual misconduct We were at the fucking ha ha cafe and there were maybe Seven people there eight But two of them were two asian girls in the front Four girls and you get on stage and Your fist is just pumping

Just pump it and you're like you do like two jokes and you go. Oh, hey, Gina And then you go look at you two Hmm. You make me want to go home and play karate kid with myself And there you go, he was you were like I would eat your pussy with chopsticks You went in on the chopstick roll And I was like that's like the funniest They were howling laughing by the way But you couldn't do that right now the girls. Yeah. No, listen people go to a comedy show. Yeah

You got to listen if you go to a comedy show and you're showing excessive cleavage Excessive there's cleavage that is appropriate There's a little over appropriate which you look at and go that's a pretty dress Do you know what I am? But then there's cleavage where it's to the line of the the areyota Whatever the fuck the areyola Look, it's like it's like fucking two geniuses. What you call it areyota. You're really

So You're sitting in the front row you and your girlfriend you both have the same blouse on yeah, in fact one of you has a mini skirt and uh You got heels and the mini skirt barely covers your pussy. Okay If you address them They're not going to get mad at you. That's the reason why they got dialed up But at the same time if you don't address them They might get a little pissed off at you during picture time. They'll come up to you and say

I sat in the front row and you didn't say nothing about me one time. It's so Fucking weird if someone is wearing a skirt with That doesn't cover their pussy. I'm gonna go ahead and assume That they want me to look at that That is an on-purpose thing Like you don't leave your your pussy out unless you want someone to look at it, but from the same tone That's why I attack both those chainers If there's two chainers up in the front row

And they're two girls that just came off the boat in japan. They got the glasses on they did have the glasses No, no, no, they weren't that The one girl was like philippine and the one girl was mexican with chinese eyes So that's why I was do you remember that night? I remember now they were on the couch in the front row and they had a guy behind them And they were both really hot. It's 11 o'clock at night. Dude, they were howling laughing because you know what's on your mind I'm telling you what's on your mind? These are two beautiful girls that work hard all week

Why are they out at 11 o'clock at night on Lancashire? There's only one reason why and none of you people in this room are seeing it I know what they're both here for because but because i'm 50. I have not a chance with these girls Even with a pound of blow And at half a million dollars these girls wouldn't give it up They're looking for a hot young guy to come in drink them up and you know what these two girls are probably two on one year If you played your cards, right? if you invite them over to your house to

Press the button whatever they want to do. I love opera you do well I got a library opera you ain't got shit But you're gonna go home and while they're pissing you're gonna google opera And you're gonna take a quick lesson on pavarotti real quick He was born in molano in 16 turn on the opera station and turn the opera station and next you know They start kissing each other. You never know You never know but they're not waiting for a fucking chubby fat fuck who's 50 years old they're not waiting for that So you get away with shit on stage. You know you

I'm gonna keep saying what i'm saying But you always you have to keep saying what you're saying and how you say it and how you believe Every time i'm trying to go away from that i backfire I've turned it into a certain art now after 30 years. I've been doing this all my life I've been cursing and talking the way i've been talking all my life. Yeah, and the people hang out with They talked away because i noticed it and guess what they're not rapist They're not racist. No they're not anything But they say crazy fucking shit, too

Yeah, but that's the thing like you You should be able to say crazy shit That's that's not like no you shouldn't yes, you should be able to crazy crazy shit if you could back it with your character And with your belief in what you say it But then you go you ever see a comic that goes upstairs goes on stage and just be Yeah, but that's complete that's that's come I use you as this example every time I talk to people about this When they they talk about Being dirty on stage and I say it doesn't matter how dirty you are it matters where it comes from like

Your dirty on stage, but it's your complete truth and because it's your complete truth I'm assuming you've offended some people before But because it's your complete truth people accept it But you can tell when people get on stage and are being dirty just to be dirty And then it comes across it's like the fake stand. Yeah Comes across as dirty worse on stage in a fake stand home. Oh, no There's only one stand. Oh my god fake stand hopes. Yeah, and they're everywhere To everywhere to everywhere, especially like in clicky towns

They leave you the fake stand hopes dude, you know, it took me a long time to figure out what I did on stage And I would tell you if I'm being honest, it just happened in the last Three or four years three years maybe now you've been doing comedy since I know you're 22 years Yep, but I'm telling you right now. You had to get somewhere with it by this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, 22 years You get to this certain You know, but but but I figured out Okay, so I think I've always done it, but I just figured out what it was So

I might as well tell people when I get on stage And I hope you didn't come here to learn anything tonight because that's not what my show is People like uh One of my favorite thing people say to me is you're not angry up there. Like you're not mad You don't seem like a pissed-off comic My shows are kind of fun. Like that's what I do. That's kind of what my energy has always been But I used to fight it and try to be like, well, I need to be a little darker here or be I just that's not my thing. And so my shows have turned into

it's like a it's a It's just I want people to the stories are stupid, man They're stupid stories about my kids or about me or about You know taking mushrooms that are old at Coachella last year or whatever it is the story is passing out. I'm venture boulevard a couple months ago. Whatever Where's the oxygen tank? Yeah, right? Where is it? It's back at the house if we don't use it No, my grain's a con. I suck it. But I'm just saying like you jews always got

You got those 90 day inmates then you get the check and that's it. Yeah, that's exactly what happens Old jews keep the fort. You got to keep the tank. I got the hand one No, no, you got to keep the tube and walk with it and then put the neck brace on for fucking that's jewish jewelry It's getting close to Hanukkah. You got to bust it out. You know, I gotta tell you I made someone super nervous when I took that fucking hand one out on the plane Because you know, I needed but it was like I needed a quick little hit and the guy looked at me I was like, it's it's okay. Nothing's about to go down 22 years. You've been doing. Yeah. Yeah

At some point listen, but you know a point where you raise levels instantly. Yeah There's a point where I went to jiu-jitsu last week and this black and this black belt came in. Oh my god This brown belt Was doing shit He had everything. Josh. Well, this guy's a copper weather guy. Yeah, that could jump over you He was jumping from side to side hooking arms Going for legs This black belt just sat there

Like it was another day at the office I never saw anything like that. This guy's he had him in side control And you know, this guy was getting out Lee how with his arms just school He kept spinning the guy and he finally caught his leg and flipped him back And then the guy came out of again and he just kept them there for four minutes And finally the professor said time And I looked at the brown belt the brown belt was all fucked up and the black belt just fixed his gear a little bit because

He knows exactly what you're going to do. I feel For the first time as a comic I feel very Uh Not clunky anymore. I found my direction. Jesus christ. And we both think back to seattle Yeah, we thought we had the world by the balls in 96 And we were just getting started. We were just learning about the wrench. Yeah, you know, and I wish I had Trusted my instinct

If I was gonna say anything to a young comic, I wish I had trusted my instinct about what I did well earlier But you always You know when you're young you most of us I'm assuming some people don't but most people pattern themselves after a comic Like how many people with a tells cadence? Have you heard come out of new york? All right, all right So you pattern yourself after somebody And at some point if you when you if you take that next step you start to find your voice

And I fought mine for a long time. I really did Just because I I knew what type of comedy I appreciated that I would go watch and what I do well isn't necessarily what I would go watch. Does that make sense? But that's not That's not so so I kept trying fighting it towards what I wanted to What I wanted to be what I watched on stage what I liked and I had to modify that a little bit Well, we have to we all cut the fat that that's the experience. Yeah, the experience comes from just get

It's so weird when I talk to young comics and Joshua for your You know, you're my witness There was a time here. I got on stage every night. Mm-hmm Only I didn't care what you were doing I really didn't give a fuck Yeah, my brother, I love you, but I didn't come to see you graduate from IOU or fucking improv olympic

So I'm not gonna show I didn't show anything in those days The first thing you have to do is a set then you do something I took it back to school. Remember when you got sick and you tried to go out at 315 your mom go Where you going? Going to play you were sick. Yeah. No, but I feel bad You were sick. We got to make sure that nothing happens That's the way I always took comedy back then because then I was miserable. I was starving Who the fuck was I to do anything?

Who the fuck was I to do anything? I wasn't even in the game Are you gonna get in the game if you had somebody's party celebrating jumping up and down? There's a coffee shop. Do you remember when we went to that coffee shop on that sunday night? Which one okay, there was a coffee shop on When you when you come off Barhand Boulevard the first place you ever took me to you took me to a coffee shop in the Saturn Yeah, well you pulled up the bar hand, but instead of making a right like you're going into Burbank You made a left and you went straight in that building there. That's now a production building

Yeah Was run by a friend of yours that it was a script place Yeah Where you went in there and you could pull scripts and read old scripts They tried it and just they sold coffee. Yeah. Yeah, they did open mics But then you also took me to a place in the deep heart of melrose One of the first coffee shops and one of maybe only coffee shops I went to was you on a sunday night me you and Gavin Went to a sunday night off of melrose

Off of melrose a coffee shop. I'm like a Just some fucking friend of yours who booked a coffee shop Then we also did the the bar where we all bombed and In the heart of hollywood boat shares The black dude with dreads a jay jammal and fucking And fucking the zoom in and zoom in was the only one to tell and uh The black dude from how to pick up a single chick. Oh pierre pierre

Yeah, pierre's back in town. Is he? Yeah. Yeah. What's he doing bald? He shaved his head. Yeah, I don't know I don't know what I saw him down at the store and I also saw the little guy back anthony johnson Really? Yeah, what happened to aj jammal? He did movies and he writes and he pops up from time to time. I think he's he does the casino thing Man, he always makes me laugh one of the hardest guys I ever had to follow One of the guys that when I got a spot at the comedy store, I would hate to say who's in front of me If they said aj jammal a dom or ever, I think he canceled

Yeah, aj jammal was tough tough and dom Still, you know, I love watching dom. So do I I still at the live factory at monthly show I go down there for him I go down there to sit and watch him And see how he pushes people's buttons. That's 35 years of comedy master because if I'm doing comedy 27 years I saw him on hbo when I was not doing comedy. Yeah So that's a complete different fucking level of comedy

But he does it so masterfully He's what he is 30 fucking years That's What you are right now. I'm burnt out I'm really burnt out But I gotta tell you something It's a bad time to be burnt out Because I'm doing well on stage for the first, you know, I got that

I finally figured out the formula The formula to get like to prepare for a special. Yeah, it's the same thing as a fight If I don't do the special right it's because I don't make weight This last special I didn't train correctly for it to be honest. I never trained for anything The special me and lead the the cd the first one was on the drive down And I think it's one of the best things I ever did It's what do you mean on the drive down on the drive down to braya We discussed doing a cd and he rented the thing for 35 bucks

And we cleaned it up and put it on itunes You did the set at braya. Yeah, and I still think to this day one's one take one set not even do one And I'm not even doing one of my best sets ever in my mind I like doing the crazy sets like that and switching it up and yeah talking a little bit and down the story I didn't know you that much at that point. I mean Do you remember how much of it was like what you were doing at that point or was that just off the cuff that night? It was it was towards the holidays. So I had 15 right the holidays I had 20 that I came up and 20 that I was working on and it just all happened to fit

There's some nights where just you have to have a tape recorder because you never know and that was one of those The other things I taped a garbage Anything else I taped was garbage and then the seesaw special. I rated like a fucking five But I learned from it and I learned that by the time I got to this special. I was burnt out I listened to other people. It's just like training for a fucking fight And I'd rather do it here first for three or four weeks Yeah, and then do two solid weeks And trim off the fat or maybe do four out of five

That's how to do it four out of five. What nights no four out of five weeks So you trip the fat off for about three weeks here Flappers the comedy store the lab factory in the improv. It's a journey It's not going to be easy. Wait and you're gonna do that's how I would do it How would you do it? But you you couldn't do an hour at all those places No, so let's say you come to me and go joey want you to shoot a special february first today November whatever

I bang out brand I bang out the store tomorrow night. I bang out fucking Irvine And I start from scratch First battle ground is Sacramento. I tested up there Remember I want to do 45 minutes and 30. I want to really take them to deep. Yeah Deep underwater. I don't want them to come up. You're talking about this one here Yeah, if I get this one here So I would probably do that. I'm gonna have ear surgery So once I recover that whole week of ear surgery, we will shut down the podcast

And I'm probably just gonna you gotta tape some ahead of time. No, no, and I like do them in the day Well, I want the faux patois That shit about let's make believe it's next friday the 28th and then they shoot the president here You and me are talking about baseball Fuck you I don't like the pre tapes So, uh, what were we talking about? Yeah, I would do it that way I would do a month here

And then two weeks on the road take a week off two more weeks on the road if you're doing a half an hour on the road No 45 on the road, but I'm gonna work for 45 and 30 for a special Do you follow me? I'm gonna get try to get 45 minutes of material in 30 so you don't breathe I'm gonna come out to jump. I'm gonna jog. I'm gonna get my endurance up I'm gonna go to dr. Amy to clean my lungs out. That's why my lungs have been wheezing because I haven't got to see dr Amy. That's my plan when When is that special? When do you think you'll have it done? Well, this I don't know. I don't know if I would I'm just assuming

But now I know how to do it correctly. It's just like a fight. You have to peak with the special So if you did two weeks on and a road Two weeks on and then you took a week off and you did two more weeks five more shows 10 shows And now you shut that special and follow it saturday night And then you work flappers and the ice house that wednesday you'll be ready And then that friday when you get in that local town go to an open mic somewhere and tell them you want to do 10 minutes Like chicago has a thousand open mics. Yeah

Go do an open mic do 25 minutes and you're ready to shoot a special I you don't want to over burn No, and you don't want to under prepare. See I but I would rather be under than over so For me this time when I shot this one I went a little I always go just a little bit under Because I like to because when I go over I I think it gets too memorized for me well, that's what happens because

Like this time here I got caught up in the jokes You cannot get caught up in the jokes. You have to own the jokes but lose them And improvise a little bit. It's like when you learn an arm bar. I could teach you an arm bar Hey, you go I learned an arm bar. You're not gonna get it Because you gotta trick me Right you gotta figure out a way now how to trick me so that arm stays there So all I gotta do is grab it and spin and now that leg comes over a good night Irene, but if I'm gonna wrestle with you arm to arm. Yeah, it's gonna and I'm pushing off your heel

It's once you see it coming. It's not the arm bar. It's the trick going into the arm bar It's how I'm gonna get that arm to stay there You know, yeah, it's doing comedy different when you're shooting versus when you're at a club Like I imagine it's you've seen it. You've been you've been there for everything How do you do you you never seen me do anything better than the ice house those working out with uncle joey's No, those are great. You're free. You're you're just free. There's something about that When you tell the audience that listen, this is a roller coaster tonight I was even thinking of doing a working out with uncle joey tour

Yeah, just going to ten cities listen 15 bucks at the door Don't worry about nothing. Yeah, whatever you hear tonight. Lee's gonna tape it and we're going full forward here I some of my best shows. That's the funniest shit in the world. Some of my best shows are late shows That don't sell that well because they eat there. It's it's the loosest It's the loosest loose and we've already done a set. Yeah, we've already done a set. So we've already been at bat Yeah, now the second show you're already you're already loose. So me. I gotta tell you something

This is my problem lately My big problem lately is listen traditionally the first show does not like joey dears I Traditionally in the early show the early show these people walk in because a friend told them Go see this guy when they get there and open up with something obscure And the battleship sinks them there So I've learned to Energize them energize those sets where even if they don't think the material is funny

Just my actions and my energy throw them off a little bit and they'll go wow. That was something different Well, you know what I learned last year I don't know if I told you this but I used to I used to move move around a lot on stage a lot And then last year like dizzy you dizzy people. Yeah, you made people dizzy after 10 minutes Yeah, it was too much but last year and last year. Yeah last year in the year before I really did basically every set with the mic in the stand and that was it That's it. And I don't touch the microphone off the fucking stand now now I I don't move nearly as much now. I'll take it out every now and then

But I'm pretty still but it it it took just trying to get out of my Comfort zone a little bit to realize on that was again this all comes From experience of your young comic You could sit there and trick yourself because you're going for the quickest route right now To get somewhere. I'm telling you about the best route To get somewhere which is time and longevity Yeah, I'm out here too soon. You're not going to have the legs To do what you want to do and if you want to come out here and struggle you have my wish also

You know, you're my blessing also you're going for it But I'd rather you do the struggling in your hometown And come out here when you're going 35 and you're throwing fucking heat the struggle is too hard here Do you would you rather have stayed in seattle? I have grew seattle. Yes. All right. I have grew seattle and that was that that was I did two three years there And I had already outgrown it beside my criminal problems I could tell that I outgrew it because the guys that were supposed to

Motivate me weren't motivating me No, I was motivated by the guys in my class. Yeah The guys that were ahead of me in seattle were not coming back and going oh my god You got to see what's going on. It wasn't until I met a guy by the name of In seattle The guy that I had to follow that night That died that he was in that movie the burbs with tom hanks

I was gonna say brine dunk him and not brine dunk him the guy he had to follow Yeah, he came and he did that movie with tom hanks And dunk rick rick rick rick duke him in duke him in That guy was the first guy that really opened my eyes into the world And remember that's right. He kind of took you under his wing I became friends with him. I followed him and when I got off he waited for me But you you you got in touch with him down here still to Yes, I touched on him and I did everything he told me to the letter when I would call him upset

He would tell me not to be upset This is do you plan on staying here? Yeah, then that's just You're not going to hit the first two weeks not anymore. It's not the 70s here You know, it's not the 70s here where they put you on welcome back car. There's an extra I didn't get that that now I understand it, but it's a tough sell the young comics. Yeah It's a very tough sell to young comics to listen You're getting sponsored to laugh at three and you're getting sponsored to improv keep your mouth shut

Go to your spots Right and keep doing this shit. Get yourself a commercial agent Get ready to go out and audition The probably way I went through auditions today. I mean it's you Do I want to do it every fucking day You like it not But I tell you why an audition is good You see people

You see people you haven't seen Oh, yeah, because you the guys who go out for what you go out for Are probably the same It's the same group of dudes, right? But it's funny When I first got here, I went out against Frank Stallone Joey Badafouco. It was intimidating this fuck When I first got out here, I remember going to an audition and seeing The guy that they froze and good fellas in the audition. I just shit my pants

I had it going after him. I'm like, why am I here? He's got he's Frankie Carbone. Yeah, he got frozen and good fellas You know, you know what it is to follow those guys. Yeah, but I was also 32 33 Then Today I went into a room and the most notable guy in there You don't know Lee sons of anarchy the guy whose daughter Kicked over jack's tellers when they went to his house and he invited them in he was really good

Right, I get that. What do I owe you for the bike and the guy's like nothing was square And he paid for his mortgage that dude was there I hadn't seen him in 10 years And it's funny because he sat right next to me. He goes, how you doing like you were great and sons of anarchy Do I know the guy's name? I I wouldn't know if I told you but it was it's the same group And there was another guy there that I go up against for all mobster plumber. Yeah Rose and he goes, it's good to see

And I go, how has it been? You know, we went outside. We all walked we were on washmont Oh, yeah Which I wanted to go to slice a pizza for Lee and I changed my mind Down the corner. That's where they say is the best pizza. It's a good pizza down there. It's a good pizza down there That guy owned one up in hollywood. That was very good, but he sold it now Uh, but when I was there I walked down the stairs and even though there was traffic and the whole thing I'm like, I used to enjoy this And now I could be a little picky and chew like this one this morning when I woke up

I'm like, nah, I'm not going to this but I can't turn them down because they're coming And when they do you want them to keep coming you got to show up to these You get a little excuse from time to time. We have a six o'clock for you the Santa Monica You don't know what happened tonight boy. I got a flat tire the car blew up I found the burglar in the house. How many appointments have you canceled in Santa Monica? A million I just don't set them when they go. I say, where's your office? They say Santa Monica I go where where else can we meet? Where else can we meet where I don't because no you went through hell because for people at home don't understand this

These pitch meetings nobody went to more pitch meetings than josh wall. Oh my god, and you know That nobody sees you till 4 30 Everybody wants to see you for And then you get to call at 3 30 that they can't see you so far And you're on Santa Monica and 5th street and the MTV building Pulling yeah, because you know when you make when you and the best is when you go upstairs there's a 10 minute pitch Or a 15 minute pitch. Well, thank you for coming down. No questions. They go. Thanks. Thanks for coming in. That was great And you get in that car and you make the left on olympic the right on olympic

It's just a line and the line the line the light changes three times and you move two inches Worked on olympic for two years nobody understands if that is a fucking nightmare from Wherever that like to get from even bundy. That's why it works an olympic to the 405 Can take like fuck it's bananas, right? It like especially like we had nights where we he would have shows at the ice house on a wednesday nights And I the show would be at like 8 30 9 o'clock I would leave at 6 30 And just make it it's 20 miles

You were talking earlier about how there's people who you don't like you lose track of in LA. Yeah What about your friends who just like Live in culver city, you know like oh, I'm never gonna see you. I'm sorry. Yeah My my brother lives in Santa Monica your brother my brother lives in Santa Monica But he's always like hey you won't come down here. I'm like do you want to come up here? Because neither one of us wanted to get on the fucking 405 But but it's It's because LA is so spread out right and there's no real public transportation and everything takes like fucking 45 minutes

To get that's why you know, I used to keep I used to keep food in my car How much food well, okay, so I used to work when I worked on staff at Chelsea The first place was basically Olympic in Bundy, right? Yeah, I think it was across the street from where I worked Yeah, yeah, we worked in the Hulu office, right? Yeah, they're right there. Yeah. Yeah So, you know, yeah, that that could take a little while so I would

Put some I always pack food in the morning and I would put it in there keep it in there Because I'm no dummy you didn't ever It was like an hour and a half in the car I never packed food in the car. Oh, I put fucking snacks right in the middle. Are you kidding? Say I get I get too into the snacks. I crash. No, you're only doing two miles an hour. So you smoke a little week I mean you had your little show there Any of these bitches gonna come up pretty soon and say you felt up their titties

You auditioned them for the cowboy girl as a matter of fact I the one time I had somebody in my office that I needed to talk to Because somebody in my office made a call To get somebody fired Pretended to be somebody else and made a call to a company that I had hired to get somebody that company had sent over fired because She didn't like that person

And we had to figure out who it was So when I brought one of the Women into the office, I made sure that there was somebody else in the office Because I hadn't even thought of it and then The the showrunner was like, you know, you're gonna have somebody in that meeting with you I said why and she was like if if You ever end up having to fire her She can say whatever she wants about

What happened in that office you got a half very smart. Yeah, I never even thought I had I didn't even think about it either Because obviously I wasn't that wasn't my intention But she was like, no, you can't you can't be in there by yourself because if we do have to end up firing her Somebody has to have been in that office with you That it would have never crossed my mind You know, it's just weird where we're going. It's just weird where we're going with this It's just really weird and Like I said, I don't mind

We all fucked up and make mistakes, but Don't don't don't make fucking fire whether anyone, you know, don't make a beef whether it really ain't And that's a that's a scary thing like it's making women safer in the workplace But then like I'm not in the position to hire anybody But as a man It would be a little scarier to hire the hot receptionist or do something like that. Don't you think you Just have to You I think right now you have to just be extra diligent that you never think of it

I might not hug it when I take a truck And when you take pictures and show where people have to shows I'm thinking I'm just hugging the guy And even that's going to stop just stand there like fucking like a statue. Yeah Hands in your pocket. That's it because it's getting bad out there. I ain't got time for this shit Will you perform in the next couple weeks this weekend? I'm in Kansas City. Oh, you're blowing back to the wing I'm not. All right. You I told you did I ever tell you what he said to me This was imagine. Well, he goes, uh, hey, he pulled me into his office one day. He goes, hey This is so funny. We're gonna talk about this now. He goes, hey

You fuck teenagers. I go, what? Do you fuck teenagers? I go, no And he goes, okay, and that was it. That was the end of the day Don't need to go there anymore. So yeah, so um I made the KC improv this weekend. I think it's the I don't know where the seven send them my love. Tell them I'll be there. We had a misunderstanding last time. I will Send them where you're going after that where you do you see? I'm taking most of december off but you and but I do that podcast with freddy prince jr. Call prince in the wolf

Oh, shit. That's right. You're gonna shout out at least I was going on with you. Mom's leaving tomorrow I'm very proud of you. He hooked mom up. He was gonna put in that bmb like some fucking victim of death I didn't don't worry until they they were busted and gave a cosby pill Or something. You were gonna put you we didn't let your mom stay but he got a raid over at the mccasso They took care of them. Oh, that's nice. The mom liked the hotel. They took good care of it Yeah, that's decent. Did you put that steakhouse at all downstairs? No, no detugie place Have you no no we didn't go there. We went to a different one riverside Riverside

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah next to like all that stuff there. Dr. Amy was up to calling my friend stayed there one I mean, there's no you don't have a lot of options up here So like there's a fucking uh sportsman's lodge and that's no, I heard that's not good. No Hooker's not in the middle of the middle of the night. Come on people yelling Yeah, bro, and then like the nice one like the holiday in down the corner is what 280 a night 180 a night There isn't much in the valley is there process free from the denny's and The backyard is a Ford dealership. There are no nice hotels in the valley. No, there's Burbank has one You got to make a right, but then that's 15 20 minutes away. I like having a fight. Yeah. No, no, no, no

That's a nightmare. That's down. Whatever street It's by church. It's across the street from Popeye's chicken there. That's one of the best hotels in the valley That one there. That's what gangsters say That's where fucking George Mazdov all stay and you have c fighters They put them over there when they do the fox broadcast. Really? Yeah That's where I know a guy that owns a company and stays there Anyway, go to joshwolf.net. What is it comedian joshwolf.com comedian joshwolf.com and get you all your joshwolf info As far as the flying jew, he's always looking good. He's going into Hanukkah season

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Go to hello tushy.com and use code church for 10 off your order. I want to thank Lee sciat I want to thank josh wolf and I want to thank the church family for having our fucking back All right, I'll see you motherfuckers tomorrow. Even if you don't have tickets and need you outside with signs sticks Bazookas machine guns. We got to show netflix who the fuck is running things. You understand me I'll see you wednesday night of thursday. Stay black. Have a great weekend. Josh wolf one more time And my main man, lee sciat aka the original christ killer Oh Where I tell you me the second hand who deals and how they would

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