Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #534 - Aida Rodriguez

Episode Date: November 17, 2017

Aida Rodriguez, is a Comedian and actress seen on Comedy Central and Fox, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   
Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/JOEY for 20% off of your first order and shipping is always free in the US andCanada.   Onnit.com. Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear.   Recorded live on 11/16/2017.


Greetings! Welcome to podcastville. The church of what's happened now is brought to you by my favorite meundies. Every year millions of people receive the least like gift of all time. Underwear, plain white underwear. But we still give it to our family and our loved ones who just don't want it. Forget that. This year we're going deep. Meundies made underwear the perfect gift that everyone is going to love you for. It's a goddamn holiday miracle. This year don't give underwear. Give me undies. Listen to what I'm going to do for you. This holiday season I'm going to get you 20% off the softest underwear and socks you'll ever

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walking in the airport with a fucking mask on? Fuck no. Me I don't need the fucking mask because I take shroom tech immune. I sit there like a doctor. I breathe air. I inhale farts. I fart back. That's because I got shroom tech immune. You want some supplements? Go to honored.com right now and press in. Church. CHURCH and get 10% off your first order. Deliver it to your house every week. People bother me. Joey, where do you get your geese from? They hit me up. Here you have it. Fuji sport.com. Fuji sport.com. They got an A5 and an A6 for the Buddha types like me. I even went down to an A5 since I joined Jiu Jitsu. How do I know? Cause

they just sent me a free elemental geek. Either go for the elemental, the super rato or the psycho. I like the super rato. Whatever the fuck it's called. Like a motherfucker. All right. Do me a favor. Go to Fuji sports.com right now. Press in. Church CHURCH and get 10% off your first order. Put on some Willy Cologne for these motherfuckers. Oh shit. Here we go. It's that type of party. The church to what's happening now. Extra. Friday. The 17th. Tomorrow it's 30 years in the kidnapping. Fuck it. I'm a new man. Joey Diaz. Ada Rodriguez. Gonzalez. One of those fucking names. And the Jew killer. No, the Christ killer. The Christ killer. Jew killer. Who gives a fuck?

It's the church to what's happening now, cocksuckers. Little heck of a vote there. Here we go. Oh shit. Little something for Puerto Ricans. Here we go. Get ready to jump out of the fucking car right here. Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? All you need is Santana. You gotta shoot some heroin. That's it. Here we go. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Are you fucking nuts or what? That's off the album. I don't even know. 1971. Crime pays. Crime pays. There you go, motherfuckers. Uncle Joey here with my favorite fucking Puerto Rican Cuban and my favorite Christ killer, Happy Hanukkah, three weeks.

Anyway. So we gotta open up the show with a special story for you. Because people always make fun of Owen Benjamin and Sarah Tiana and Paulie Shaw. We're gonna tell you an intimate story about what happened last time my girl Ada visited us over on the Lancashire with the death office. We were in between the fucking weed store and Jeffrey Dahmer's cousin. He was cutting bodies in there. You could smell the fucking livers. And a homeless guy. And a homeless guy. In the hallway that robbed the lady. He was playing possum all day anyways. So just for my defense, I don't really care if guests get high or not. It makes no difference to me what they want to do with their lives. I love them. I got them on the show because I got some type of

admiration for them. So last time Ada came on, we offered a bonnet, na, na, na. But me and Lee we eat stars. One thing led to another. Ada sat there for about an hour and a half and kept looking at me and Lee. And then I mind she's like, what? These guys having a great time. Fucking their eyes are red. And in an impulse, I see her reach, grab a star and she eats the whole fucking thing. I looked at her weed. All right, we're cool. And the podcast is broke, you know, starting to an end. I was hungry. And I see a change coming over Ada. And she gives me a hug, Lee a hug and she leaves and take it from there. I got I stopped at the in and out on Lancashire because I couldn't drive anymore. My heart was just like palpitating, which was is like a block half a block. I was

like, I can't do it. So I called my kids and I said, you guys got to come get me. And my son came and got me. And they said I was walking around in circles. And I was just they said I lost my mind. And then I started saying, I'm going to die. I feel like I'm going to die. Take me to the hospital. I'm going to die. So when I got to the hospital, I had two panic attacks. So they had that they almost broke my arm. I was telling him giving me these shots. And they they thought I was like a drug addict. My son was like, she never does this. I don't know what's going on. And the doctor was like, Yeah, sure, she does like poor kid, he's got a lie for his mom. It was just it was hilarious, though. It was really funny if they keep you there overnight. Yeah, it was they let me go

in the morning, but it was two days. And you told me because I talked to you and you said, you're not going to feel better until tomorrow. And I was like, I'll be all right. And then the next day, I was still Oh, yeah, the next day, it's like a fucking shock. Yeah, there's nights I wake up with listen, I hate doing Xanax and Valium, like, my buddy gives me Xanax from time to time. And if I'm in the road, I like them. Because the time change, I can't tolerate the time change. My body will stick to the fucking time change. So that means I'm not going to bed till three when I'm in Ohio, and I got to do radio at 615. Right. So I'll pop a fucking Xanax or two, and I'll drink a fucking milk or something, some chocolate milk and I pass out. I don't like the feeling in the morning,

no, I wake up, I don't take a longer shower. I got to make coffee in my room to drink more coffee downstairs. I can't smoke weed till I come back. And when I do smoke weed, I take another nap. But with the animals, I get up in the morning. And once I shower, I'm good. Lee has a secret. He says the secret is to take a shit. And once the rubber little gooey star shit comes out of the ass, I complete the equal. It's not really a secret. They just, my body stopped, my shit smells like stars in the morning. I want to know statistics so far. Today we read, we got a weird article, he contacted me right away. Did you read the article? Because I'm aware of my story. I thought something else more less than somebody. And that's it, starting January 1st, which is six weeks away,

or Edibles in California will be 10 milligrams. That means, you know, we got to set up a revolt. We got to set this into appeals. Oh, we got to create our own fucking black market. You're gonna start protesting? Well, we got no choice. We're gonna get an attorney to fucking revolt this till January. We got people addicted. Can march on the 400. The face of this revolution. I'm looking at it. You're a nice sweet Jewish boy. Yeah, you're the only one that could. Yeah, I think they might have done this band because of this podcast. Starting tomorrow, we're gonna do a we're gonna start fucking buying the goods and stocking them stockpiling. How much? What's the most you've guys done? Because I remember the last time I was here 2400. I did 3000. I did

about 4000. No, you didn't. You always do more than me. I was doing 500 when I met you for breakfast. Yeah, that's right. I was eating two pieces of banana bread when you were still fucking an episode. I'm not saying you don't have a better resume than I do, but I'm saying I've done more stars than you've done. No, you have not. Yes, I have. No, because I eat five before you even look at them. I eat four hands at a time. Sometimes I get embarrassed to tell you how many stars I really eat because I don't want you to think I'm crazy. Well, that's your sale, so I think we're at least honest about it. Right around, but I'm happy you went through that. I was very worried about you. So 4000 milligrams and they're trying to they're trying to minimize it to 10? Yeah,

listen, man. No, it needs 4000. It took us five years of hard work. This has not been some fucking walk in the park. This is testing on when I go to acupuncture. Like I go to acupuncture. I used to go every other week. So she tuned me up. Like smoke would come out of me. You could smell the reefer in the room. She got a much pot of you've been smoking. Is there an alternative to this? Can you start eating more? And then she would, I would eat it more. And then she'd say, well, something's going on with your drenals and your gallbladder is heavy today because when they stick the needle, if that hurts that, that that chakra, that means there's something going on there. So this last Tuesday, I went, guys, she tuned me up. I tell you how hard she tuned me up. All right.

But I had to go home. Usually acupuncture day, I don't do deck. I hate planning spots on acupuncture day because I know at night, if she did a good job, I'm not going to want to do that. She tells you to drink water, eat a light dinner and let the fucking acupuncture sink in. And this time, I was so tired when I got home, I slept three hours that afternoon. I used to go down for an hour and a half. I went down for three, not one and a half, but three. And I went to bed last night. It had to be 11 o'clock and I woke up at six straight. Usually I get up three times to pee because I'm over 50. That last night, bitch, I slept right to six like a soldier. I had to pee like a fuck. It was coming out of my eight years. But they should tell me she was here recently.

She came on about three weeks ago, two weeks ago to promote her movie, which was number one. Yeah. It won? Yeah, won the film festival. Congrats. Short film perverted fucking section, you know what I'm saying? The name of the movie is pervert. Yeah. So somebody called her there about distribution or something like that. So she's pretty happy. Yeah. She told me, did she do the edible? She's like, she, I forgot what she told me. I talked to her the day before. She does her thing. Yeah. No, no. She said, she was talking about the show. She said, I fucking call. This is the one I do. I call Felicia, but I plan to see that she'll bullshit me with some story. I have to play flowers and I have to get recipes ready. And I have to,

I'm doing a piece for some magazine. Did you bathe? Yeah. As you're going, yeah, why? Why are you asking me that? Because about two o'clock, come over. Take a breather, come over and hang out. See the cats. I'll see you for 20 minutes. That's exactly what she does. So when she comes over, we go in the backyard. We do a couple of pipettes. We bullshit about comedy for eight minutes. She tells me there's no women on the comedy store lineup. And then my wife comes back there, bails me out and then all three of us talk for 15 minutes and Felicia leaves. So we get, you know what I'm saying? Like the glue's still there. I love it at that. Yeah, me too. I love that woman at that. I got a torture. I got to be straight

with her all the time. You know, she comes to me and says shit to me. That's outrageous. I don't choke her because I love her. It's against the law. I think I'll think about it and I think about who it's coming from and I love her even more. God bless her because her heart is straight up gold. Absolutely. 100% I love her too. Her heart is straight up gold and she's a real comic. Yeah. When I look at her, I don't look at her as a man or a woman. She's ambiguous to me. She's a real comic. Yeah. I've already set the marker where, you know, I went to her and said, Felicia, any big favor? Now, you know how sweet this girl is. If you think these people are sinking Kevin Spacey and Louis CK, Felicia Michaels could put me into fucking jail. I went to Felicia Michaels

because I went to Felicia Michaels the first time I was shooting the CD cover. I told Felicia, I need you to take a picture of me as a confessional in this church. Let's go into the church and take a few pictures. Joey, it's against us. It's against nothing. It's against nothing. You're a photographer. People go to Cambodia, they get shot and I'm asking you to fucking go into a church with me. Okay. So I took her to the church. Sure enough, as confessional, I stood next to the door. She took a picture. It was the cover of my CD. I love Felicia. She photographs me perfectly. The next time I had an idea for somewhere I got my balls from, you know, I couldn't ask her on the phone. That's the type of thing you got to ask her to affect. Because you got to watch the cracking,

you know what I'm saying? So I went to her house like nothing, like nothing ever happened. And I said, Felicia, can I talk to you for a second? You got your camera? You can tell me, you know me, I always have my camera. Felicia's calling me back. I'll ask you for a favor. And with the back of the list, I got this documentary I'm doing where I got my balls from. Do you mind taking a picture of my balls? It was 9.30 in the morning. You have to see a beautiful face. Well, I'll do it, but yeah. So I had to hold my dick up in my hand and she photograph me. And then she got into it like at first she was like eight feet away. Then she got close and close and then I was posed and these shit. So we picked the picture that I was in. I never mentioned it to nobody. That's the cover.

It's her taking those pictures. She's a photographer, she's a photographer. But a year ago she called us and she was like, you know, I can't believe what happened. You know those pictures of your balls or like put them in my yearbook and my kids found them. Oh, that's a great picture for your kids to find. She's a fucking great lady. But I got a torture from time to time. I got to like give her a little zing as she gets mad at me for two days. I like when she gets feisty though. Oh, please. She's always fucking feisty. It's my girl. There's always some men's and Germans or something. She goes fucking crazy. You know, I did my fundraiser when I was raised. Congratulations. I'm sorry. It was Ralph. No, I know you were. But she went on stage and did her set and then she

cut her set short. She took a hat with her and she passed the hat around and told the people she was going to match the money and she collected like $250 and she made the charity $750, which I thought was awesome. It was great because she was so selfless in that moment and she killed. She went, she's a fucking vocal fucking specialist man. So what's going on in Puerto Rico? Give me a report of you. You last heard from cousins, relatives, aunts, uncles. It's bad. It's bad. And when people say it's getting better or when they say, um, you know, Puerto Rico is we got this and we got that. It's bad. The electricity is off. February. Yeah. The grid's not going to be a pro-February. That means April. They had a power surge where the little bit of electricity that

was there out again. So like the majority of the island doesn't have any electricity and it's going to take years to rebuild. It's like cases of water and food, all of that is great. It's going to take years to people lost their house. All my aunts, all my family, my family's family, they're all in one house because everybody lost their house. So they all live in one house now. And half of them had to go to Miami to get jobs. Yeah. A lot of people are in Orlando. Yeah. A lot of people in Orlando. There's a little city outside of Orlando, like a suburb. Kissing me. Kissing me. Or a lot of Puerto Rican. I have family there too. It's crazy. I did a show there one time and I couldn't believe how many Puerto Ricans were at the fucking show. The promoter couldn't believe. The promoter

was like, she's Puerto Rican and she was doing a dance night and somebody said, do her a comedy show. She did the math and she hired Angel Salazar and they were busting through the door. They had to have another show and you know, it's crazy. And you know what? Where's the biggest Puerto Rican community? Check it out, leave. Biggest Puerto Rican community in the United States. Not New York? It's Cleveland, Ohio. Oh yeah. I was in, yes, I was in Ohio a few months ago. Because of the car business in the 50s. A lot of Puerto Ricans. A lot of Puerto Ricans moved there and you know they have eight kids before they die. Those motherfuckers don't stop Jack. Yeah, we're everywhere. It's so funny. I was telling, well I said in my stand-up,

now people know what I am because it only took a category five hurricane for people to know what a Puerto Rican is because people always ask me here, you're really tall for a Mexican. What kind of Mexican are you? You know, I say the con with papers. But don't get mad or get mad. I don't care. You're still working a lot? Yeah, I've been working a lot. You know how you, when every time we and Felicia talk about this, like I don't have to see you all the time. But when I see you, I get this little injection of energy. And the more, the more I don't give a fuck on stage, the more I work. And now I always thought it'd be the other way around. But I just had to come to grips with I'm not, I'm not one of those silly comedians. I'm not going to dance on stage. I'm

not going to rap. I got a story to tell. I'm a storyteller. And that's my stand-up. And it's been, the best thing for me is, it's liberated me is just telling my stories and just being free. I come from dysfunction. How the fuck do you think I feel? Oh, you know, for 15 years, 12 years, I was on stage chucking and jiving, chucking and jiving and fucking making strides. And then one day you find your voice, you find your true voice by mistake. You do something and you find it by mistake. You don't even know what, for me, it was the belly room. I was doing a one man show in the belly room. And I started telling stories and the stories aren't like doing stand-up. When you don't stand up, you're trying to be a machine

gun. When you tell a story, it is what it is. So there's lapses and silence that you have to learn to deal with. And really it's a big difference telling a story than telling jokes on stage. And that was the first time that I went into myself and said, oh shit, I'm never going to do that again. You know what I'm saying? Like I'm never going to show that dude again. That's not bueno. That's not good. But the more I show that dude, the better it got. And I remember coming to this town and going to my first audition as a limo driver and I asked somebody that I knew. I called him up. He was a really good actor. He did like five movies and then he moved back to Jersey. But he did a great Van Damme movie, one of Van

Damme's best movies. He was great. And I called him up and I go, what are you doing with these auditions? He goes, you're not going to understand this right now. But I'm telling you, this is the simplest way I could explain it to you is be yourself. It might be myself, but what is it? I'm an actor. How can I be myself and be a fucking actor at the same time? And ever since that night, at the Comedy Store belly room, my acting auditions changed. You know, I went to two auditions the last week that I was in shock. I didn't get because I've been doing this for 20 years now. If you give me two days on an audition, see, it's different now. It's a different game because Papa can't see. So Papa got to know the lines. So now that I have to know the lines, that means

the audition is going to be that much stronger because I'm much more confident when I go in there. I take the line, the glasses with me, but I hide them and I take the sides in and I pray that there's good light. If there's good light and it's big, I could see and I can get away with it. I always keep the paper out to stay centered. Why fuck around? Why get off and have to go to the couch and get the paperwork or them have to give me the script. I always bring the script and I don't give a fuck if it's the fourth time and I know it back to back. I always bring it in to center me, you know, so I have something to work with. I miss, but these two auditions, and the one was from both of them were for gangsters. I used to get those just walking in the room.

I used to get those walking in the room guys who look at me and go, fuck, fucking guy, you showing up tonight. It's a different game out there, G. Has anyone had an audition ever brought up the podcast before? Have they ever been like, oh, because they're putting YouTube kids in movies now. So I figured maybe they'd want someone with a podcast. For me, it's not the 16 auditions I used to get no more. There used to be, you know, it was two theatrical auditions that kept you alive from 2000 to 2004. This is the life I live. I got jobs working, opening for Rogan, and I acted. And acting means this, every week you have two auditions. Both of them are either going to be on Tuesday, depending on what it is, they're going to

have one Tuesday and one Thursday. The Tuesday one's going to be for a TV show because you read Tuesday, you're going to produce this Wednesday. And you either work Thursday, Friday, Monday, or Tuesday or Wednesday. You follow me. That's how it used to be. And they used to give you three days and you really worked two. One day you went down there and you got some tea and you stood there while they shot somebody else and they sent you home. You didn't make overtime, but they paid you for eight and you were going to be jerking off for your house anyway. It was a different game. Now they'll tell you either one day guest star and you're like, what are you talking about? There's eight scenes. We're going to shoot those motherfuckers in one day. And you're like, God damn you people

are fucking slave drivers. Damn. It's really weird how it's changed. So you always had something in the pipe. Okay. You always had something in the pipe. So you went on two theatrical auditions and two commercial auditions. That's 16 a month. If you go on eight commercial auditions every month for four months, you'll book two commercials because I used to keep records. That's the number eight out of the eight. You're going to go to produces three times. You're going to be on hold once and book once. Those are the odds. You know what I'm saying? Like those are the way they were for me. Theatrical was crazy. I would blank for a whole month, but they get three callbacks, two producer sessions for films and book one thing the following month. So at all and then that

audition you went to in January, they just call you back in May because the money from Spain fell through. And now they got the money from an American company and they got fucking Val Kilmer to join the cast. You know what I'm saying? Like it's always a bullshit story, but it's a different game now. Now it's there are no rules. There's no rhyme or reason. And like he said, the YouTube kids or whatever it is and I'm, you know, whatever it is, it's just a whole different game. And you got to be, you just, your mind has to be right for this now because it's just it's a whole bunch of shit going on and you don't, I don't, I don't even know anymore. I'm like, well, you know, you sit here and you just bump into different actors at parks and different kids

functions. I see guys. Hey, I don't remember me. We both read. Oh, yeah. And I ask them what's going on with you, man. I know three guys personally that have already gotten early retirement. Damn. They hit 55 and they said, we're taking on a sack of money. Things are that bad. Shit. We'll take the pension, early pension. You lose a couple thousand dollars, but that's how much their lives have changed. Can you still work and get pension or no? Yeah. You can still work. You know, just won't take them. That'll save your money over one month. Okay. Plus add more to your pension fund. I'm not retiring shit. I'm going to be great grandma on TV, but I never thought about it. Look at something like Julius Soprano. Yeah. He was well

hailed when he got the Sopranos. You don't want to know. And he worked for five years. They knew he was old. They knew they had to shoot him out quickly. You know, he's going to fall asleep on you. You know, you got to shoot those out quick. That means those guys are ready to go at nine. They've been up since four. Do you know what I'm saying? They've been up since four. So they're the first shot. They're ready to go. Yep. They know their lines, those old guys, but you got them till about 1030. That's their first nap. So you better get them good before 1030. How long is the first nap? 45 minutes. They got to go lay down for a little while. So they'll shoot around them. They'll do shit like this. He'll make it come back before lunch.

They'll give him some soup. They'll put his socks back on his shoes and he'll go out there again and do another hour, hour and a half. Then it's lunchtime. He goes back to his trail and then they shoot something else. Then they shoot him and he's done for the day. At what time? At like one? 2.30, three o'clock. He's back on the hill town. That's not only traffic. Can't be under Van Buren Expressway by three o'clock every day. Whatever the fuck he lives, because he's old. Those people, you want to get them kids. You have kids on the set or bad on the set. If you have a kid on the set, they have to take a certain amount of breaks and they have to go to school while they're shooting. So if there's an eight, they can't

exceed more than an eight hour day. So it's four hours of class and four hours of shooting or six hours of class and two hours of shooting. Don't quote me. But there are guys that sit there, teachers with a fucking clock. When you shoot a movie with a dog, oh Jesus Christ. The dog has it better than you do? Yeah, they only knew. If the dog only knew, he'd come back to life and go, I want my full fucking Czech cock sucker. He got me living in the fucking house next to some other fucking dog shit next to me with the paper I'm making. Yeah, they do. They treat the animals really well. First off, you fucking make a movie with an animal. You got to have a game animal there.

I got animal control. Yep. And everything is on the clock. You got that dog for 30 minutes. Go. He can't eat this. Can he jump off that cliff? Let's measure it. They have to measure the cliff. Look at the other double. Can you shoot the dog? No, we brought this dummy in and we'll look at him from this angle, bleeding. Well, we don't want the dog to be scared if he sees the blood. They'll fucking say shit to you that your wig will fall off. But it doesn't matter. That's part of it. And where is Air Bud now? Yeah. And where's Air Bud and where's this and where's that? It's really fucking amazing to see when you work with an animal. And you know, listen, the six movies I worked on with an animal,

it was a low rent movies. So the dog was half retarded. This guy wasn't fucking no fucking top of his class. You know what I'm saying? The dog who saved all those movies, that dog, he wasn't the sharpest dog in the shed. He had eight smarter brothers. They gave him away last, and they really worked on him. And they gave him special ed after school and the whole fucking thing. But that dog didn't know Dick about Dick. Dick about Dick. You couldn't fucking believe how bad he was. We used three of them in one movie. The one dog in three movies and the other dog in three other movies, he looked the same. Nice dog. They came up here. They said, hello. But they don't know about action. They don't know about cut. They don't know Dick about Dick. So,

you know, time is money. So come on, tick tock. You got to get those dogs on the black fucking market. What's the weirdest animal you guys have ever worked with? A man. An alligator. Oh, yeah, I don't know. I bail. I'm not gonna lie to you. You don't like alligators? No. No, they offered me. They blacked me out. You got to go on a tub with three alligators, with like all like a little underwear on. Shit, fuck you. Was this fear factor? No, this had to be eight, nine, 10 years ago for I forget what it was. Something with an alligator. Something that was tough with an alligator. Your underwear or something like that. I don't fucking know. I read this thing about how alligators, how small their brains are. Like they have probably the smallest brains of animals. But they

know how to bite. Yeah, that's what I'm saying, though, like when people say, oh, he's trained. I'm like, he's been trained. You can't untrain an alligator. I believe that at some point they are all gonna kick back into their nature. You know what I mean? Like, I have a friend that used to play for the Minnesota Vikings and his girlfriend brought home a mountain lion, a baby mountain lion. What? She thought it was a regular kitten and then it grew up. And then she invited me over there and she was like, don't worry, he's been declawed and defanged. And I was like, did that motherfucker get deep mountain lions? Like, I don't understand why people think that these animals. Was it a full mountain lion? Like, yeah, she kept it. She kept it. Did she ride it around

her house or something? No, she just thought that it was an exotic animal. They were rich and it was just. Does it depend? They have that license to have those. It's against the law. Yeah, it's against the law. They eventually had to get rid of it, but she wanted to keep it though. She wanted to keep it. I told this guy, I copped drugs on time in Boulder a couple of times. I'm a dude who had snakes everywhere. So when you walk to this house from time to time, you go listen, be careful. One of my fucking killer panthers got away. He'll wrap himself around your leg when I got the, I got the venom real close to me to shoot to save your life in 15 minutes. Oh my God. Oh that shit. There's a level. There's a level with Uncle Joey, right? I like animals from a

distance when they can't get to me and I can't get to them. I don't want to shoot a lion. I don't want to shoot a dead. I just don't look at you for five minutes. Piece of beautiful animal. You look at your tail. Fucking amazing. When you see a lion, he's laying there, got flies all over him and he don't give a fuck. Oh my God. Yeah. And he's beautiful. They're out, but so I, boy, I lived in Miami. I lived in a neighborhood where there was all buildings and there was one house and it was the drug dealer's house. They got busted. They had a tiger in the house. They had a monkey. They had all kinds of snakes. The reason they got busted is because the monkey got out. Yeah, they were about to feed them to the tiger. No, they just had all these exotic animals. They're

on Marimbero and he had all these animals in the house. The monkey got out, all these cops around our neighborhood. That's how eventually they got busted. What makes drug dealers lose their money? I know. They lose control. They just have too much money. Especially when they're living in a neighborhood full of miserable broke people. I lost control, but I never lost the outside. Like I've always, always, always, always believed in a low profile. You never wanted to have like a pet. Low as you can. Huh? You never wanted to have like an exotic pet? No, no, no. I'm talking about these were drug dealers. No, but yeah. Animals. Now, first of all, they lived in a neighborhood where, you know, it was the hood. If you know anything about this neighborhood, so it's tough

enough to have a pit bull. No, no, no, no, no, no. They got a lion, a fucking monkey. What else? All kinds of exotic snakes. Yeah, you know, it's like the, it's like us moving up up here and go, knock down that office, this office and that office and get some animals in this motherfucker. So when people come over to do the podcast, they don't feel uncomfortable with the animals. Now there's animals in the lion's staring at you. Have a glass instead of walls so they can see the lion. You know, people go fucking nuts. My point is what? Like I went nuts, but I didn't go ridiculous. I was pale. You could tell I hadn't slept in a week. Right. And, you know, but the fanciness, like I never, that's rule number one. Well, I grew up like, well, listen, we don't give a

fuck. You take that money, you hide it. And if they come to you and beg you to death, and they can't find it, and they don't see that you bought nothing, they got nothing on you. If you could justify your existence, they got nothing on you. And it always made sense to me. If you fucking, you know, we robbed the gold chains that time, we became fucking Puerto Ricans on the fifth. I'm not gonna lie to you. But we went to like fancy restaurants, or you should have seen this at 18, getting one, give us a bottle of wine. You know what I'm saying? The major D going, like, who the fuck are these guys? And I was taking out wads of money. That went on for about a month. But I'm talking about after that, I looked at it and said,

what the fuck was I thinking? I'm never doing that again. And even an aspirin, 83, had a little volt. I had my apartment, and I was burglarizing apartments, but I had an apartment I had done construction on. Me and this old guy did a recon for eight weeks. And to get the power, we had the keys to all the apartments. They were ski condos for people. People like you that are millionaires and buy a house in Snowmass and go there once a month, once a year. If you're lucky, they go there once a yearly, once a year. So I would go into their houses and get a closet. Everybody has a closet outside their door to hide their skis. I would get the key to that door and get a double key and hide my money, whatever coke I stole,

and whatever fucking anything else. I had money, I had hash, I had a bunch of cash in that little fucking box in the back of those keys. But dawg, I never touched it. I lived on the $10 I was making as an electrician. And people were looking at me, but they couldn't. You wouldn't see me at a bar. You wouldn't see me with a Corvette. You wouldn't see me with a convertible. I wouldn't do that. You stashed that money and when you're ready to split, nobody knows nothing. And you got the rest of your life made. And while everybody else is flashing their shit just to find their existence, nobody knows nothing. I learned that from the legend, Maya Lansky, till the end, nobody knew nothing. I didn't make a living when I got a pension for

2000 a month, really. You're a piece of the action on kosher chickens. How the fuck do you get 2000? Don't worry about it. That's my account. Nobody knows nothing. There's a code. There's a code. And then people always say, well, drug dealers always get busted. They get busted because they lose their minds because if they say, you can't do the math. Yeah. The math is lethal now. The fucking math. That's the first thing that stands out. There's a movie called Empire. Yes. Have you ever seen Empire with John Leguzamo and the guy from Naughty by Nature and see if it's on there? Empire. There's a kid on there. He's half Puerto Rican, half Italian. He lives on Hollywood Boulevard next to the juice stand. We used to do the juice stand.

What's the juice stand? The fucking juice stand that you took all the juice with the fucking chicken salad sandwiches. He thought it was a juice stand. I was like, what is the juice stand? It's a delicious juice. It's the healthiest fuck there. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. The Hollywood Boulevard is there. They were around. When I moved here in 97, they were on fucking Vine in a parking lot that was going grass on it. And it would be packed every day. And you would see the headshots of all these actors that would go there. But then they got evicted. Now they got gorgeous hotels there. They fucking sold for, they made big money. That chick is smart. She's from Guatemala, one of those third world countries,

but there's a dictator. There's a dictator in all those countries down there shooting people. I love coming here because I'm in this, it reminds me of being at home. Like my, I go to go to Empire. That's it right there. That's right. Go to Empire official trailer. Go there. This is our fucking right there. It's a, it's a C movie at best. But it was good. It had his moments. What were we talking about? Oh yeah, yeah. These guys sold coke in Spanish Harlem, which everybody did. But there's a scene where he parks a $70,000 car in the fucking neighborhood. A guy playing Lee. What's going on with him? I thought you were explaining. That thing got stuck. No, no, it's really weird. I mean, I never

forget going. It's what life is all about. Getting it, losing it, needing it, living it and dying for it. That's what the American dream is about. I got me a $40,000 truck. I parked one of the poorest neighborhoods in the country, but no one touches it. Why? Respect. My name is Victor Rosa. I'm young, Latin and good looking. On the streets of New York, a guy with the white jacket used to drink juice there to build an empire. Oh, these diamonds, they're huge. What does his boyfriend of yours do? He's in business. But Uptown is another world defined by power and privilege. Hey. It's your place, huh? So what do you do? I'm an investment banker. What do you do? Well, obviously, whatever it is that I do, I'm not doing enough of. That's for damn sure. He could

be a part of this too. If you're going to do this, go in knowing that he's not smarter than you. I got this investment opportunity and I can make enough money to get out of it now. Get out of what, man? See this here, man? All this right here is family. You understand? I need to diversify. This is white guy, the hottest cat in the world. God, I didn't know you're going to bring it to me all the time. This is not a once a month on BET. You do your part. Sure thing. You know, about 11 o'clock, this movie will be on. The guy robs his geetus. He takes the Colombian's geetus and he invests. The guy double crosses it. Big Joe when he was fat, Joe. I got to go to warm.

I'm telling you guys, not a bad movie. No catamore award, no catamore award performances. But if you ain't got dick to do, and you like Denise Richards, now they shoot. If you go back, go back a little bit. I'm going to tell you guys a true fucking story here, right? I'm going to tell you guys, I'm going to drop some knowledge on you right here, right there. Go right there a little bit when they're in front of the bodega. Slow that right there. He's right there. Put it right there. And I'll tell you when they stop it. Keep going. I know you got him over here. Right there. You see that scene right there? That's in front of a bodega in Miami. It's about three blocks away from Paradise Point.

Paradise Point is a hotel where you go to. It's not fancy. You stay off in South Beach, right where South Beach starts. And each room is different. They have like the moon room, the Latin room, the conquistador room. If you want the school room, it's got bunk beds. So you and your girlfriend can have bunk beds like two fucking momos. When you're there, this is the bodega you go to get. Now I wish you could see the front of this. They're not going to show it to you in the trailer. But when you see the right there, when you see the right there, when you see the front of that, it's a micro scene. Don't worry about it. That place right there. If I'm stuck and I can't get

the Portis Agua, I go in there and I see what they got on the lunch menu. If they got something simple like picadilla with rice or pork chops with rice and black beans, I buy the food by the pound. Oh, yeah. And it's fucking tremendous. You know how many times I've been in that bodega? As soon as I saw this scene, I knew exactly where they was. And when I went back to Paradise Point, I walked over there and they have pictures like as I'm on the wall. I didn't even have to ask. I didn't even have to ask. I know where those are. That's my restaurant. I've been going there That's a badass restaurant. And it's not expensive. No, that's the beauty of the fucking patois. And the food. I've had people go down there and go, Joey, I went to Gloria Stephens restaurant.

$160 and it was, uh, you should have called. You should have called. I know dumps that you look like that. You get to pick a deal with some fried bananas and a fucking coconut water and you'll sit there and go, Jesus Christ, I just spent $4 for lunch and it's delicious. Some woman in the back with no green card, they smuggled her into the ship via machine gun to work there for the rest of her life because she was one of the best chefs in Cuba. That's the type of shit you got back there. It's really weird to fucking understand, but it's a different world. And it happens here in California. Some guy owned a restaurant in Mexico, the best restaurant. He's known for his carne asada when he was leaving in Mexico to write the debt

and get chopped by a chopper. Fuck no. You're going to put them on a truck underneath the truck as a carrot, dress them up as a carrot and put them underneath the truck for Halloween and smuggle them in and fucking open up a little bodega stand and let people know what time it really is. Put them as a carrot. How do you dress them up as a carrot? He's going to be a six foot carrot? Listen, a thousand loads go through that a week. You can grandpa the chef, you wrap them up as a carrot and you put them in a shipment of 10 kilos of coke. If you're going to go to jail, go to jail. Why fuck around with some dude that dresses a carrot? It's just a five foot carrot and then there's a big shim and a cocaine.

Fuck it. I don't know what happened. I don't know nothing. Somebody paid me five when I take the car over the border when you meet him at 7-Eleven in New Jersey. I don't fucking know leave. Just tell him what you need to do. You can take this down now. You got me over here staring at him. What's up? No. I said, I love that John Leguizamo has a leather jacket on in Miami. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's got to be melting. You know, there's times you go to Miami dog, you get off that fucking plane and the humidity just, and then the mornings, the do in the morning. Oh, yeah. That's the only thing I like about Miami. Waking up early, going outside and listening to a sprinkler. Yep. All over and smelling the water hitting the grass and just sitting out there

with your cup of coffee and breathing that in that fucking air. Tremendous. It's beautiful. And there's nothing like a warm summer night in Miami. Until a lizard comes or a firefight. And then you got to run out of there. And the lizards are like this. You know, like those little small lizards, John? When I went to Tampa, it took me about three hours to see. That was all right. I'm an adult now. When I was a child, they fucking scared me out. They were God's old cousins. You know what? I used to hang them on my earlobes when I was little. Yeah, they used to bite and I used to hang them on. And me and my brother, yeah, I used to put them in the Coca-Cola bottles with the bugs and watch them eat that. I was a savage, though. My dad used

to be, oh, yes, I'm by hand. By hand, though, because I would be outside. I wasn't scared of anything. It was a different time. All right, so I tell you the story of my daughter jumping to the pool and burning Grace's house. Right? Yeah. I told her at the party the other day, like she, you know, I have that problem. She's not scared? Never. That's great. Every once in a while, something, if she's tired of something she asks where you, I took her to this movie last night, this Coco thing. My agent calls, he goes, hey, man, I got the weirdest call here. You guys, you're not going to believe this. I got a call from Disney Pixar. They want to know, because your name is Coco. If you're interested in going to the

movie with your family, of course, they'll pick you up. You have to go play a game and then watch the movie, do an interview, and then there's a party afterward. Do you think you want to go there? And I go, is it in Hollywood? And they go downtown. The baby gets crossing. So my wife would just happen to be walking by and the email came up. Like, hey, what do you think? And she goes, yeah, I think she like it. She's ready. I took her to the movies three times. She lasted 20 minutes on each movie. We got to go. I don't like this, daddy. So I don't want that to happen. No, she put the three D glasses on like a soldier and watched the whole thing like she owned the joint. And the movie was fucking tremendous. And those Pixar movies are way better than what

people are doing anymore. They spend actual time working on them. Well, they spend time and money, but they get it back 10 times internationally alone. Like if they already broke a record in Mexico, they're already going to head to the cash register just in the United States like Charlie on a fucking Sunday. I can't wait to see it though. I heard it was really good. I cried. I laughed. I cried from watching her and I cried on the plot of the story because it was just brilliantly done, you know? Yeah, I can't wait to see it. And then we went to the party upstairs and they gave away dolls and stuff. You know, you took pictures. I took pictures of her in front of the thing. I took pictures of me and her my wife. Everybody had a good time. Oh, nice.

Then you called the number and the car came and got you. And he took us home in 20 minutes. That was it. We were home by 930. Everybody's happy. We went as a fucking family. Man, I should have let more people know that Coco was my stripper name, because I would have really liked to have gone to that. Fuck yeah. I need you to get a nickname. Well, that's fucked up. I'm 54 years old. I've had that name since I was three. And he gave it to me maybe 10 weeks before my father died. Coco. Yeah, Coco, because I was really white. And they would scratch their head and go, who the fuck is this white kid? I'm thinking, you're thinking, why is he like fucking coconut? And my mom and all her friends, Coco, and once I got older, I sort of realized,

why you motherfuckers call me Coco? My name is Jose. But then once I went to an American school, that Jose shit had to go. Once I went to PS 166 in front of all those New York City kids. Yeah. That Jose had a go jack. There was only one other Spanish kid in the class. And that was Debbie, the main guys. And she was banging in kindergarten, banging didn't stand me, not fucking banging like she was beautiful. By the first grade, she showed me a tit one time in a 45, you know, those singles, the little ones. She's putting on a titty and show me a nipple for a quarter under the fucking monkey bars. Tremendous. And she had five brothers that were gorillas, but I didn't give a fuck for a quarter.

I'll take a look at you. It said it was no big deal. So is that when Jose became Joey, or did he just go by Coco? No, I went to my middle name. My middle name is Antonia. Oh shit. Okay. Oh, so Antonio. So I cut out the Jose and I went to Tony. What the fuck are you thinking of dealing with Tony? So for years, I was just Tony. And I even had a ring gold ring. My mother got me that said Tony. What? So you have aliases now. What are you talking about? So you, when did Joey come into this? Joey came back in 1985. Oh my God. And Coco is a family name. So that was. So Tony lasted maybe to the third grade.

This is the first I've heard of Tony. What are you talking about? Yes. So everybody called me Tony, Tony, Tony. My mother called me Jose Antonio. If she was mad, if things are good, she called me Coco. And I would be embarrassed for her to call me Coco. So she called me Coco in front of people. I wouldn't react to her. I would make believe. I didn't know what she was talking about. I didn't want to be named Coco. But when I went to Jersey, my friends heard enough that they just started calling me Coco. There was no getting around. And I got pissed off. But it was better than them saying, Jose Antonio Diaz. I thought a guitar player was going to burst through the fucking door.

It was about survival. And it was crazy. I remember people who knew me. People, kids I knew. We take a class together in high school during the year. And all of a sudden they go, Jose Antonio Diaz. And I raised my hand and they were looking at me and go, I thought your name was Coco. No, that's my nickname. That's not a fucking Coco. It's Jose Diaz for years. I love that name though. So I can say Jose Diaz is no matter. You put that in the NC, I see the computer blows up. It says check back with us in the month and a half. Yeah, because my name was Antonio. I get it. But this is like the, I feel like this, you know, this is a big moment. It is the big moment. You just found out about

Tony. So Tony, I don't, I feel like I don't know Tony. So when I went to Catholic school, Tony was Tony for a while. But again, my mother ratted me out of when I made my community in the fourth grade. So I went back to Coco. But the time I got out in the fifth grade, it was straight up Coco. But at the time I went to McKinley, it was still Tony, but she called me Coco. Coco overtook the Tony and I just threw away the fucking ring. It just was never going to work. But by that time, my English was good. Yeah. Do you understand what I'm trying to say to you guys? So my English is good. I didn't want to show up first day of school in New York City, sound like Ricky Ricardo and fucking my name is Jose Diaz. And probably that's what I did sound

like. But I watched so much TV. And I said everything Dick Van Dyke said 10 times. Dick Van Dyke said, honey, where's the towels? Honey, where's the towels? Honey, where's the towels? Honey, where's the towels? Honey, where's the towel? You know, I would just work on the English accent, the American accent, New York accent, because my mom always said, you don't want to let people think that you're just fucking Spanish. Let them know you're vestidilio. So that's why I always thought and she always thought I was important that I spoke English outside the house and Spanish inside the house. Yeah, that's how we grew up. To keep both languages alive, which I believe in, you know, I got a daughter now that she

understands Spanish. She won't fucking say it. I got to hold the knife to a throat. She's too young for that. I don't know why they are hilarious. Yeah, well, my dad is Cuban too, so there was no English in the house. He would say something in English. If you say something in English, I would work my mom in English and she'd go, I don't understand what you're saying. Talk to me in Spanish and I go, that's never going to happen. She would, two days to know when you need money, you'll come back and be in Spanish. And she was correct and show up and go, let me get the $20 bill. I don't know what you're saying. And I'd finally have to break down and speak Spanish. But that's one thing I respect a lot about Cubans. They're very, very adamant about

the kids learning how to speak Spanish and to continue to speak Spanish, because you do learn English in school. My dad still doesn't speak English. The other day, he was talking about transgender people and he called them trans unions. He said, hey, the trans union, you know, old Cuban man, this trans union. And I was like, Papi, you mean transgender? And I don't call him Papi. I call him Orlando, but he is so funny. He said trans union. Don't call me Eddie, call me Eduardo. It's crazy because I didn't have a Cuban grandfather. I had a Cuban grandmother, but we were estranged. We just didn't talk. But yes, I sound Italian. Yes, I'm from New Jersey. The Cuban old man mentality still exists to me. Oh yeah, when I talk to you sometimes.

Really? And it scares me. I have to hide it. I have to keep those views to myself and I will. Those type of views, I keep to myself. And those are the views I don't discuss because those are views that cause wars. You know what I'm saying? They're just really bad views. Those old time Cubans, they specialize in arguing. Yes. They do. And that's why they have those beliefs. Your dad was telling me about in Cuba, if you have to go to the embassy, you could buy a license for arguing, and you go to the park and argue, a license is five dollars. Now you can actually go to the park and argue with people five dollars. Most of the arguments are about baseball. But at all those

parties, all those, you know, family parties, that's where those arguments come to. Those that's why I think I go crazy of funerals. Because all those years I went to those funerals, that's where it erupts. What do you what do you mean erupts? Like this is how stupid humans are. Let's say I, this is my sister, we both got the same mother and same father. I just hit them blow on people. And I've been raising that kid since he was fucking four. They say he was me, okay? You. Yeah. You know, Cuban men will do that. Me as being Ida's brother, who I love, we love each other. We're tight as fuck. But guess what, dawg? Guess who watches Ida's son when she goes to New York to do come with me? He nunca la pasao, no? Yeah. Yeah,

so indeed, you gave him beer one time. Bingo. He's 16. He's gonna drink it with you. Yeah. He's gonna drink it with some bums on the street. Oh, he's gonna drink it with his uncle Joey. Did you smoke pot with him? Never. Oh, poppy, did he ever smoke pot with you? And the kid smoked pot with me 10 times. You know what I'm saying? I got his back. I hooked him up. I let him fucking check in my house already. And I went, but you don't need to know that. So now you want to do what? You want to go to Bronx and do what comedy and take him from me? Bingo. This is my son. Yep. Bingo. That's the mentality of a Cuban man. They will argue with this poor girl about her son and where he's staying. But on meanwhile, I'm her brother. I have no right

to say nothing to it. And guess what? She knows I'm probably right. Yeah, absolutely. She'll sit there and go, this motherfucker got my fuck because he has. So all those years he's Cuban men are a different tone. I have to fight that emotion on a daily basis. So were they causing too much of a disruption on the Cuban street or something? Why do they have this $5 license now? Because they want them to go into the park. And if there's a problem, they got your fingerprints and shit probably to argue. I can argue, not argue, but there's mornings when I call you, Lee, and you hang up the phone and you got to go. I'm not sure about Joey and the Bronx. So wait, so you're the mild version

of your people? I'm already watered down because over the years, I had to water myself down because I would not be accepted for sure. I wouldn't survive. I'm already insecure about who I am. Never mind having that stigma around you. The things that come out of those men's mouths. He's watered down for a Cuban old man, but he's not watered down as a person. He's full-blown. But to be with a Cuban, like some of the things that my father would say, I could never repeat that. If I'm married to either right now, we've been together eight years and we have a three-year-old, and the baby's in the room, but I could be in the best mode ever. Watching TV and either walks by me with that blouse on. That's in the old school. That's a kick to the fucking mount.

I had to do me a favor, go put a sweater on. Why? Because that's how they are. You're not my wife going out with that shirt on. I don't know who raised you. Oh, see, that's true. I don't know what mother raised you, but that's right. Your mother was divorced eight times. It's an honesty that my dad used to tell us we used to have to take a bath every night before we went to sleep and when we woke up in the morning. Me too. Say, I'm by that rule too. We would be like, well, why we got to do that? And he'll be like, because I'm going to suck in the middle of the night, and here's what you're going to do. I mean, it's your pussy sweats in the middle of the night, and in my house you have to have the clean ass because I don't want no dirty ass girls living in

my fucking house. Why? Because I said so. That's why. Yes. Oh, my God. No, it's a fucking, like, I look at mercy already. And last night, we went to take it to the cocoa. So the deal was complete. The deal was set a week ago, and we'd make a deal with her a week ago and last night in the car on the way home, she goes, oh, by the way, am I still sleeping with you guys tonight? And me and my wife just looked at each other like, wow, holy fuck. She remembers some bullshit deal we made a week ago. We got home, sure enough, she got a little pajamas on. You know, I stay out there for about an hour, so they both fall asleep. I go in and I sleep like a baby girl out of six. I get up, smoke some pots and coffee, nicotine gum. I feed the cats. I talk to my wife.

My wife goes, she needs to get up pretty early. She needs to get up some. So I go, let me go back to bed and watch her get up. So I sat there every 10 minutes, went by at 15. I heard some movement. I saw her pull the blankets down, looked to her mother's side, looked to my side. She looked around the room. She like took a breath like, also she put the blankets over her head. She flipped over. She went back to bed. It's okay. So I gave it to 8am and I reached my hand under the sheet and I started tickling her side. Usually she tickles and giggles. She took my hand and just threw it off her. That was it. Slid over like, listen, don't fucking bother me. I'm a sleeping dog. And right there,

I knew like those little nuances tells you, you're not going to be able to fuck with her. Because she knows I'm next to her. She knows that Saint of Bogeyman. But she already took my hand and crushed it. Like last night, the same thing in the middle of the night, I felt the kick in me. So I tried to push her leg away. She put a leg right there in her psyche. She argued with me. She was kicking me and I moved her foot. So far, I started tickling her foot. I grabbed the bottom of her foot and started kicking that little fucking flat foot, that little sledge of rock that she has for a foot. And finally she moved it away. She moved it. She shook it. And I remember this morning, that's right in the middle of the night, I had to

tickle her fucking foot. We fought for a fucking hour. So she's going to be fire already. It doesn't take a genius to see that. Like I said, when went the bird crisis, the other night and bird jumped in the pool. When I heard bird jump in the pool, I was watching the football. I was involved. I was having a good time with the guys. But something told me my daughter would jump in that pool. You follow what I'm saying, Thier? She loves to swim. It's night time. She knows bird. She's comfortable there. Once the older kids started jumping in, I knew she was going to jump in. I saw her come over, kick the shoes off. She ran over, she looked. She goes, no, no, no, I can't tell you. Hell, go away. Why do you give a fuck? She went over again,

looked at him. No, no, no, no, again. No, no, no, no. Then she went in and looked. She came back, she pulled the ring off, a little plastic ring with a gem on it. And she jumped into the deep end. And I looked at my wife. I go, what did I tell you? You don't need a swami. I already know what's in those jeans. Yep. I already know. You don't need a book. I already see little things and little things become big things. She always has to wear a dress. She always, she's an only child, so she sits herself in that room. I check on her every 15 minutes and make sure she's not blowing up the house. But she's back there playing with Bobby Donnell's Hot Wheels. Oh, that's dope. She plays with both. She has the Hot Wheels set up. She has the Barbie doll. She has the tent.

And she's got like a little thing with two cans. I got her and a couple of Barbie dolls. Thank you for the dolls lately. You got us some great dolls. She changed them off in time. Oh, okay. Tremendous. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, so you go back there and I'll sit on them. Can I say, I knock on the door? She's four and a half. I already knock on the door, guys. That's right. I knock on the door and I ask her, can I come in and she'll go, you could. And then I go, can I sit on your bed and talk to you for a while and I'll sit there and I'll ask her, can I play with you and she'll go, not really hilarious. And I'll sit there like a fucking bump on a log, ask her questions for five minutes. She'll fuck with me, but she won't let me fuck

her. Daddy, can you leave now? Okay. And I walk out and then I go in the living room and in 15 minutes, my wife goes in there and three minutes later, my wife will come on and go, she threw me out. Don't feel too bad. It's a real adventure having a child, but there's people who look at their child. I don't know. I look at her and I really know what to expect. Like I've said on this show a thousand times. She did that a couple of years ago. I know when I gave my mother, I found the sauce spot in my mother's heart, her cooking. My mom could cook, but she didn't cook shit I liked. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like she would cook the deep Cuban shit. I wasn't ready for a deep Cuban shit at five. Yeah, all that shit. So I had delivery numbers,

chicken delight. So I knew how to order chicken delight. In those days, it was like $4 for three pieces of chicken, crinkle cut french fries, little thing of jelly, cha-chu with a bun, cha-chu. And I get a soda called Tahitian treat. I talked about this before. You're too young for it, Lee. Tahitian treat is an east coast drink. East coast drink. Delicious. It's like fruit punch, but it has a little kick. Yeah, it's high, high. Bro, what happened to fucking high C? I think it's still there, isn't it? Like three labels. When I was a kid that had 92 fucking flavors, Jack. Yeah. What was that? Now it's that. That was you. That was you. It was not me. That was the second time he did that. What do you for dinner? Let's take a dynamite or something.

Candles still burning? Yeah, I think so. It smells good in here. We got boxes of candles. A boy sent us a box of candles. They're there, but he's like, I got substitute candles moving, I'll put your candles up soon. Merry Christmas, cocksucker. What kind of candle is it? Some girl came to visit us last week. It says it on the bottom of the cap. Smell it. What's this smell? It smells good. It smells like... That smells like some fruit. I think it's some vanilla caramel. Here? Yeah. No, there is caramel in there. It's sweet vanilla cream. Oh, wow. It has black seeds in it. Burnt toffee. Burnt toffee. It smells good though. It smells edible. That's the right

word for this podcast. I don't know where you've been. I don't know what you ate. I don't want to know. You were here in your life. You just made me want some crinkle fries just now. Crinkle cut fries? Shit. Those crinkle cut fries are delicious. I went home last week. I love abuse of myself. On Friday night, I did both shows. My brother picked me up and he goes, what do you want to do? I had a salad at six o'clock at night. I did two shows. That was it. Oh, wow. I got it. I had a salad in like three or four muscles at Marinette. Oh, delicious. At Rudy's and I said, you know, well, I'm fucking starving. So I went over to a diner that I had basically grown up at. They redid it, you know. First off, it's Friday at one o'clock and there was two tables in there.

The place was haunted. There wasn't a soul in there. Let me tell you something. 30 years ago, Friday at one, there was a line down the steps, 10 minute wait. And you walked in, you got a milkshake right off the bat. Let me get a milkshake dog right off the bat. Let me get vanilla chocolate. Two. What do you want to leave? Two chocolate. Two chocolate, some vanilla strawberry. And when you come back, you put in your hamburger or your hamburger deluxe or cheeseburger deluxe, which is the fucking cheeseburger, the french fries with the mozzarella on top, a little gravy. Do you have to get the gravy? That's the whole patois. Really? I've never been a gravy so hungry. And what you do is you get the fork and you cut it into the french fry

and the gravy seeps in into that french fry, but very lightly, not like a fucking french fry stout, do you know what I'm saying? I feel you. Just very lightly around the fry to give it that flavor. So every time you take a bite of the thing, bye bye and you just bite it a pickle all together like a fucking motherfucker. Are you putting gravy on the burger? You could dip it in the gravy if you want. I don't want to. You put gravy on the side, but you think about it. I don't have to put the fries on differently. Listen, you're the captain Kirk at the enterprise. You do whatever the fuck you want. I'm just telling you what happened. But this motherfucker didn't put the gravy on top of the french fries. He put the gravy over the

french fries and he put the mozzarella on top of it and people say, if I owe, he slipped. So now when you bit in, the thing squirt outward because it was like a fucking french fry gravy pie. I don't like it like that. I like the gravy on top. You fucking bake the cheese. You burn the cheese crispy and then you throw the fucking gravy on top of that. I'm gonna have to get behind the kitchen and teach these motherfuckers how it's done, Lisa. You follow me? You could open up a diner. I know I can, but when am I gonna find time in between what two in the morning and four in the morning? Yeah. I'm trying to get my beauty sleep. Look at me now. I'm living on seven fucking hours of sleep. I need 15 of my age right now. Get beat up. How many hours a night you get, ain't I?

I've been getting six at most. What time you go to bed? One? Yeah. But if I'm working, it depends. And you wake up at seven? Yeah, I wake up at six, seven. If I'm in New York, though, I work too late because I'll do four or five sets a night. I'm sorry. It's okay. The edibles make you do that sometimes. The edibles. I know what you're talking about. Did you eat these stars yet? Oh yeah. You're not being at least five stars tonight. Oh, okay. How many have you eaten? We had two and a half cushy punch each. That's nothing. That's an appetizer. No, it's not. He knows that. No, it's not. I told them once that I ate two cushy punch and they looked at me like I was a crazy person. Who? Uh, something terrible. Oh, they know you're a savage. They know now, but they didn't know.

Excuse me. You need to dehydrate when you eat edibles. I'm trying. That's the most important thing. What else has been going on in your life, Ada? Movies, TV, talk to us. Let us know. Tell us. What the fuck? Well, I just, I'm taping that HBO thing tomorrow. Okay, let's just stand up there. Yeah, just stand up there. How many minutes you gotta do? 12. Clean? No. You can do whatever you want. Yeah. All right. And I'm on this tour. It's called the Every Woman Tour where April Macy and Shantay Wans, we start in December. Well, they start tomorrow, but I'm taping tomorrow. So I joined them in December. How many cities? So far, we just started. They just started. We got, I think five cities already. So you're going on the bus? No.

Like three savages? Yeah, that would be dope though. We're looking forward to getting to that point. We want to get to the point where we get on the bus and, you know, I got some TV stuff coming out at the beginning and I'm working, writing. You sit down and write a TV show with you. When does the tour start? How many cities? Five you said? Yeah, we already got, they're still, they just started. They just started? Yeah. So we start, we go to Fort Lauderdale, December 7th, which I'm excited about because I get to go home to Miami. So you guys are doing the improvs? Couple improvs? No, we're doing performing art centers. Okay. Yeah. How many seats? Um, they're four or 500. Good for you guys. Good for you guys. Now, Shantae, she's the girl that

hangs out at Flappers a lot. Yeah. Yeah. She's cool as fuck. She cleaned the life up. Yes. She's one of the Wayne sisters. Yeah. I love her, man. She has a girlfriend. Yeah. Yes, I met her before. She usually hosts when I go down there and she's very sweet. And she told me her story one night that she was all fucked up and her brothers helped her and her cousins and they took her on the road and if you see her on stage, there's something there. Like she's going to need a couple tours, but you're going to hear about that girl. In about five years, you're going to know who the fuck she is seriously. Yeah. She's really honest. And then April, April's been doing that. April's a fucking veteran of debt. Yeah. April's been with Howard Stern. She's been around since fucking I was here

to I met them comedians, you know what I'm saying? Like the looks and yeah, it's on Diablo Budo. Yeah. I love that girl, man. That girl got my back. She is solid. And she goes out. No, she also could stop giving a fuck. Yeah. You know, you said something earlier that to be in this business as a woman, if my daughter, my niece came to me and they said, listen, though, I've been fucking doing stand up for four years under the alias. I didn't want you to know. You know, I've been, you know, whatever the fuck. Right. It's what you said. It's for a woman is you got to be crazy. You have to be ready to attack back in this business. You have to be fearless. You know, I told Lee this story one time. It was the weirdest

thing. Me and Lee were talking about something and I told him my story about a girl I met who lived in Chicago. Nothing sexual happened between her. She was a waitress and we used to always talk and she knew I did a few movies. And one day she asked me, she goes, what happened after you did a movie? Did you become a star right away? And I go first off another store. I'm working here at your club in South Chicago. You know, they're about to throw bottles at me every night. I'm no fucking star. It's no joke. So what happened with this girl was she sold real estate and she put a little money away and Ada, you know, those people that you talk to pull them aside and you go, can I talk to you on the personal level? I've been here for 15 years.

I've been talking about a bohunassal. You know what I'm saying? Like I've been with shitty agents, no management, looking at breakdowns every day, dropping off envelopes, you know, calling, casting people, telling them who the fuck I am. You know what I'm, what kind of life that is? So when I've been doing this for 15 years, do me a fucking favor. When you come to me for advice, don't fuck around. Come to me, tell me the fucking truth and we'll get together and we'll set your fucking plan up and we'll set a plan of attack Lee. Am I lying to you? No. Have we not sat here and set plan of attacks and we don't execute like a motherfucker? We do. We don't fuck around here. I want to come here on plan. It's pretty

crazy right after this. That's why it's hard to remember. It's pretty crazy how you have to set things up. People do not realize what was the release date of look at the release date of pretty women. And what's the mood with him and Andy Garcia? March 23rd of 90. All right, well, hold on, keep that right there. Okay. What's the mood with him and Andy Garcia? Who? Well, who on Richard gear? Richard gear and Andy Garcia. Oh, what was that? Not things to do in Denver when you're dead. What movie was it? Um, internal affairs, internal affairs. Yeah. What was the release date of internal affairs? Okay, hold on. January 12th of 1990. What came out first?

That did by two months. What did internal affairs? Why do you think that came out that way? Have you watched internal affairs, Lee? No. No. Yeah. Why? Why? When you have oranges, the new purple, those are the dumb shit you watch every night with the boss. Internal affairs about the dirtiest, one of the dirtiest cops ever. He makes Harvey Weinstein, Louis CK, all of them look like a fucking sick fuck. It was a year and a half. What came out? He has one of the Baldwin twins as his partner and he drives them crazy. He tries to turn on them. He shoots them. It's fucking crazy. Andy Garcia is internal affairs. He's hunting them down. At the end, he shoots them and he says, don't have kids. He had eight kids. Right. He had eight

kids. This guy, he was an LA cop that was dirty as fuck. But you had to see how he talked to one of Lee. He was like, I ain't doing anything. What's going on in your world? No, nothing. He's just trying to put the pieces together. You look good. You're working out. Yeah, I've been working out lately. Losing some bounce, but you busy right now? Not really. I was just going to go pick up the kids. Call your mom. Tell her to go pick up the kids. Let's go fuck a little bit. I mean, he was cold, a lot of Richard Gere in this. You left, you know, he did American jiggaloo that he did office in the gentleman. He was America's golden boy, Jack. When he did office in the gentleman with Deborah winger. God damn. I got stuck on

181st Street. It was one of the afternoon. I had to be a worker five on 57th and second. There was a double feature for $2. I had like the small 25. I had a bag of weed. I got a milkshake and Carvelle and like 2000 chains and I could take the bus on the way home. I could always sneak up on a bus up there. So I had four hours to kill. I said, I did not want to go see the officer and the gentleman and the American jiggaloo. I was against my moral obligation, but the wind off the Hudson River convinced me to go in there and sit there for four hours and get warm. And I watched that officer and gentlemen. Let me tell you something blew my fucking mind. I worked with that director last year. Taylor Hackford. Yeah, Taylor. I'm like, this dude is

fucking real, Jack. That took Richard Gere to a different level in my world. I was like, fuck American jiggaloo. Showing his ass trying to steal my girlfriend at the time at the movie theater. Why did you ask when the movies came out? Because he was a genius. He came out as America's worst fucking cop. You left that movie theater hate. But Richard Gere. Right. But in two months, pretty women came out. Yeah. And now people found love and they forgot all about it. It was like a never fucking existence. So tell us the story you were telling us about the waitress because you said she didn't tell the waitress. So, you know, I tell the bullshit on the way downs and times at Tommy's store. We talk about different scenarios. And I told Lee about a chick

that was a waitress in Chicago in Merino. She came up to me with a story that she wanted to be an actress. So she said there were shoot movies in Chicago and she took a job as an extra. But during the movie shoot, the director liked her and the actor liked that. I forget who the actor was, a black guy, Usher, one of them. And he pulled her and he made out with her during the movie. They, you know, the whole thing legit and then they added it to the movie. They wrote in a couple of lines and at the premiere in LA, they told them they got an agent and live here. So I'm at the comedy club and all this is going down. I knew about the movie and there she is waitressing. And I go, congratulations. Like, yes, this is my last weekend here. I'm moving to LA and I go, okay.

And I go, what are you moving to? Do you want to publish with me? My boy forgot to queue this place. It's in. Now this is 15 fucking years ago. This bitch is like, we got a place off of Wilshire for 27 and 50 a month. He's a waiter. I have some money put away. And I go, why are you getting 27 and 50 for one bedroom? And she goes, I go, you guys can move to Hollywood. And she goes, well, no, Hollywood's dirty. She goes, we're going to move there and we've got a screening room and people come over to the house. The agent had twisted her head around. Wow. This poor girl told me how I was fucking up in my career. Well, I wasn't shit. By this time I had done some movies and I was starting to get good

auditions. My stand-up sucked dick like a dud. No, no, we had nothing to do with that. It was, I was more focused on the acting. I knew there was no opening for me as a stand-up. And she's talked a bunch of shit and I didn't see her again. I'm totally about this. How I saw the decline off the bat. Like, I think I bumped into her once after I got all the auditions going well, I met with this guy for lunch and he's making a decision. Listen, fucking 12 years later, me and Ligo and Holly with the new comedy at a bar, we park, we go in, I go, are you hungry? We go, are we? We went, we went to the bar. Who you think the bartender was? Thank you. Fucking waitress. Oh, wow. Oh, wait, remember the story

I told you about that broad? That was a genius. There she is. That's what she told me. Oh, great to see you. Oh my God. Oh, I go, you're still here? She goes, yeah. Me and my boyfriend broke up and I met this new guy. He's the head bartender here. And I'm the assistant manager now. I go, you're acting? She goes, not really. I just run. And so it's so weird, the shit you get tricked into believe it. She had a publicist. Wow. That's when they told you to have a by totally I totally and I've told the people is to this podcast that there's scams in. There's a 10% scam here that's called publicity. That it is like throwing fucking money away. How much do you think she was spending a month? Who? That woman, the bartender, like when she first moved here,

was she spending like 10,000 a month? 25,000 on publicity. What? 3000 on publicity. Listen to sign with a good publicist. It starts at four to five grand. Yeah. That's if you just want to go to premieres, like, like half those people I went to cocoa last night. I got invited there because of my name, not because of stand up, not because the director liked me. I could love to tell you that but it's not the truth. They knew I had a child, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I guarantee there were people there that paid a publicist. Yep. Like there was a bunch of kids taking pictures. Okay. Now I'm not a fucking genius. Right. Do those kids weren't in the movie? Okay. Now what? There's two, three, there's two or three things that are going on there. A,

either that potential Disney kids and Disney's trying to promote them by putting them in little high shots or B, it's moms with a dream. Now my wife pointed something out to me and she's always my second voice. When I looked at it, I go, you're right. And she pointed a mom that was there for her son to be a celebrity. My wife said, look, when we sat down to eat, they were taking pictures in front of that thing. And when we got up to leave, they were taking pictures in front of that thing. Let me tell you one of the biggest scams there is American Canada who's ever listened. You come here, you tell me you need a publicist. There's publicists that'll get you all those parties, Lee. You want to go to those parties, Lee? I'll get you all those

mid-level parties. And I guess what? I got a secret for you. What's that? If there were anybody, they wouldn't be there anyway. My first couple years here, I used to feel bad that I wasn't invited to like the Grammys. I have to be nice here for some reason. Like those award shows, getting invited to those and going to the parties. I've never been to one. Yeah. You see me sitting here every year during the Grammys wishing I got invited. I don't give a Frenchman fuck. I don't care anymore, but all right. That's number one. Number two, what am I going to tell them? What am I going to do there? What am I going to do on this show?

To hang out at one of the parties, to talk to who? Eventually somebody's going to, what do you do? I'm going to stand up comic at the comedy store, really. Why the fuck are you here? It's that simple. Unless you want to be embarrassed. So there's some publicist that'll pay you, Lee. You're paying them. And you go, yeah, I want to promote my podcast. And they'll take you $3,000. And guess what, brother? You go to parties like that one last night, which is nothing wrong with. I'm not saying anything bad, but in your mind. But did you schmooze? People? Did you go make connections? Two or three people talk to me. Hi, Hawaii. I talked to the head of whatever shit like that,

but it's not. I didn't leave there going home going. He's going to put me in his next move. Right. Now, is it like, I don't know. I don't know the protocol. Could you, if you, like, let's say I hired a publicist, like, let's say my goal was to go to the next Star Wars opening and meet fucking the head of Disney and give him my script. Can I do that at whatever the thing or no? Oh my God. If you're not that much, you're a puke. I don't know what the rules are. I don't do that script at one of those things. You just have to think about who you're giving this script to and the situation. I want you to think of what you do. I want you to tell you what happens to me. Last week, I meet my friends at a bar and one of them gives me a box of sizes

fucking tape. It says, take this hole for your baby. I sat there for 10 minutes and I thought about the truth. The truth of the matter is I was going to take it back to the hotel, maybe. Maybe. Sometimes I forget that shit and I don't look back. Maybe. And then I was going to ship it. I don't know. I don't fucking know. But in my heart, I was not taking that in my luggage. In events like called the role when I told the truth. You have to understand this to me. Really? I didn't even bring a winter jacket. My luggage got everything. I didn't even bring a fucking winter jacket. But it's so weird when people give you stuff. People gave me great cards last week in New

York. I don't know what the fuck happened to them. I always bring those cards home. At least give them a shout out or something. Let me give some shout out to everyone because I give them already. I don't think so. No, I didn't give them. I'm getting old. You know what I'm saying? Top quality Tony Leon, my man Vegas over there in fucking Spain, smacking people playing cards. He hired a driver, he said. He hired a driver. Bob LaLing is always thinking about you and your dad. God bless him. One by one podcast. Adam Hatchel, Lil Runny Nose, John Wolf G, Gino Jacob Belly, and the whole whole Bolton Police Department and Benjamin Paul. Don't forget December 3rd, me and Wheeler Walker,

LA at the Novo, the 4th at the Observatory, San Diego, and the 5th at the Observatory in Santa Alley. You want to plug in these dates, beautiful? Yes, December 7th. Every woman tour is going to be in Fort Lauderdale. You can go to my website, funnyaid.com and get your tickets there. We're also going to Pennsylvania and Maryland on December 29th and 30th. And Valentine's Day weekend, I'm going to be at the Sacramento Punchline. Get your tickets because I usually have good shows there. Get your tickets. That's a great, great club. I love it. I think it's just perfect. It's just perfect. I like where the club is. I'm going to switch hotels this time. I'm going to go around the corner,

they said. And I like this side of town. They got Rob's Road. I get to run with some black people. I got fucking the habit is across the street. The malls right there? The malls right there, but they got no good food in there. The sushi place good? That side on your side is good. On the side of the hotel, the sushi place is very good. I will tell you that and it's open till two in the morning. A lot of people don't know that you could do the show and go over and eat sushi. Oh, I didn't know it was open till two though. One or two, something like that. No matter. You could still get good sushi no matter what fucking night you get off stage. Go over there, get a little frilly road, get a little stomping your heart. You know what I'm saying? I had some

really good sushi. Have you ever, have you guys ever been down to like that Japan town, Saltel Street? I was down there. In West LA? No, it's in West LA. It's right off of 405. Your mom had a good time. Let's ask you that. Yeah, she had a great time. What was the highlight of the trip? What was the highlight of the trip? My cousin came over where she cooked food. She cooked my favorite meal with brisket and lockies and green beans. And then we went to the observatory. That was nice. And then we had a great time. So thank you. You miss your mom? I try not to think about it, but then yeah, when she's like,

it's always tough at the airport. Not with her, but like just, yeah, I feel bad. Like then sometimes I'm like, I could move. I'm like, for a second, I was like, I could move to Israel and be the flying crew from Israel. Yeah, your mom lives in Israel? No, she lives outside of Boston. Oh, okay. So, but yeah, no, I, it's always nice having her here. There's nothing like having a mom cook for you and just talk with you. It's, it was always nice. I don't do it. It's about a once a year thing right now. So I need to make a couple times a year, a few times a year at least. We'll definitely be in Boston next year. Oh, yeah. She'll come to the Wilbur next time. I love it. She'll come to the Wilbur next time.

Chinese food. Oh, I was born in Boston. Oh, which, uh, that MGH, Brigham Young. Oh, yeah, I was, I think I was at a, forget, it doesn't, Montana Farber or something. A lot of my Puerto Rican families still lives in Boston. A lot of Puerto Ricans and Andover. Yeah. Well, my family's in Roxbury. Something like that. Yeah. Something like that. And then you grew up in Miami for a while. Yeah. Miami in New York. And you're really trying to write this sitcom. Yes. I started, I did a, I got to show you my Bible. I wrote a show Bible, but I want it to be real. If I don't, if I can't, that's the thing about me that you have always reinforced that is if I can't be me and I can't be real, I don't want to do it. Well, here's the deal. You go to a network,

they propose you a deal. If it's a mediocre network, they're going to want to add something for their flavor. You're going to add it in mildly and whatever they tell you they don't like about your dream, you're going to do something different. Do a sidebar to distract them. When the show's number one, then you throw them out of the room like Roseanne. Yeah. So she told me you're following me. It's, uh, they don't know the formula and we do. We've been doing it for 15 years longer than we do them. They are. They went to a college. They worked themselves as up as assistant. I have a lot of respect for that. But I also know how to put a show into segments and when the show should have laughs and when it shouldn't, it should be serious.

You know, there's different parts in your set that, and that's when they come to figure out how to translate it onto television or film, you know, and, uh, Roseanne's a bad bitch. She was a pioneer of sorts, you know, in a lot of ways. She told me that, um, she would support me. She's like, in whatever way I can help you, I will. She's very, very real supportive of me, but she's doing Roseanne right now. Yeah. No, no, no. They're trying to do anything the same TV right now. I think it's a bit too late. I think, uh, you know, everybody likes narcos. We want to see about drug money and what happened to Noriega and Chappos next season and what happened to Mexico. So, you know, Netflix is winning not because it's $8.99 a month. Netflix is winning because

all the content they're giving you for $8.99 every month. It's amazing. From documentaries to TV shows to stand-up specials, you know, it's, uh, it's a great deal. You cannot get mad at them. You know, I don't know if they sell packages. You're the king of all that shit. You know, get NFL. They don't yet, but I would imagine they might start the, who knows, they don't right now. Yeah, they've become a network. The only thing that scares me with them and I don't even, they're doing great. So this is, this is just from an article that I read that they're like $4 billion in debt or something because of Netflix, because of all the production they're doing. But I mean, they're obviously

getting, they have millions of subscribers paying $10 a month, whatever it is. So they're, they're doing fine, but it's, that just seeing that number was crazy. Yeah, they don't seem worried. No, no, they don't. If you want to sell your special Netflix, they don't lose talking Spanish, a little bit of Spanish. And they'll sell it because they do great with the Spanish market. I've watched three Spanish shows, Narcos, Celia and fucking Hota Hota, Pablo Escobar's Hitman, 60 episodes between the plane rides, the last three or four weeks, four out of the last six out of the last seven weeks.

I watched four episodes, two episodes there, one episode back, three episodes there, one episode back, one in the hotel room. And they were very interesting. I liked the chances they took with the topics they took. Netflix is very good. And even if they raise their prices to $9.99, listen, it's a dollar more that you spend a lot of, a dollar less you spend on shit. For the programming you get, not to mention the shit that they have on from time to time, from sons of anarchy to fucking this to that to that. And Stranger Things and Old Zark. Old Zark is good about the money laundering. Yeah, they got some good shows on that I like.

And movies and documentaries. They got the best documentaries. You get caught up in the next scene or you think the planet's fucking flat. What do you got planned through New Year's Thanksgiving, my brother? I'm not sure yet, we'll find out. You're making a turkey? You're going to the wife's house and having the chicken? To be honest, I just found out yesterday that it was Thanksgiving next week. So I'm not sure yet what the plan is. Are you going to make your own turkey? Did you make your own turkey last year?

Yes, I did. I think I might do that again, we'll see. And what do you got planned for Thanksgiving, my brother? I'm cooking, cooking at home. You're at the house here? Yeah, you know those turkeys, they call them the turkeys that are Cuban style. They taste like a ham or that's what we do. I season the turkey like my grandmother taught me. I make arroz con gandule.

I make all the authentic food. I'll make some American stuff, but I always cook for Thanksgiving. And you're always busy. You always seem like you're writing. So what are you thankful for this year Thanksgiving? I'm thankful for my family. I'm really thankful for my family. I'm thankful I have a new niece and a new nephew. And they just brought our family back to life because you know, my grandmother died a few years ago and then my uncle got murdered in Miami.

So I'm just thankful for those babies. And you know what? I'm thankful that I get to do what I love to do. Right, ain't it fucked up? Every day. You ever get on a plane and go, how fucked up is this? I get to go to the plane. I just had a cheeseburger with a leg on it. It was an American terminal.

And I'm getting on a plane at 11 o'clock to go to Chicago. To tell jokes. I'm going to go meet my friend from college and meet her for a drink or two. And then tomorrow night, I got two shows and so on and so forth. Yeah, I feel the same. And you know what? I am also thankful because there are a lot of people who don't, who don't fuck with me. And but the ones that do, they fuck with me heavy.

And I'm really thankful for that because there have been some people who have really made things happen for me. And I feel very, they understand me. They don't want to change me. And I'm thankful for that. How about you, Lee? What do you think? What does that?

I'm thankful for everyone and myself who is healthy. I'm thankful that this podcast, I'm going to go to therapy this year. Thankful for my friends. And yeah, that's it. What about you? What am I thankful for? My wife, my daughter, for the people who listen to the podcast. I'm thankful.

People come to the shows. I'm thankful for my cats. I'm thankful for Lee. You know, I'm thankful for you guys. Before the podcast started, we were talking about energies. Yep. And people that come in and out of your life and sometimes they step away and you go, you know what?

Life's been different. Since that kiss of death has been around. He came around for six years. My cat died. My brother went to jail. My house burned down. You know, sometimes you feel guilty about people that I don't know. I'm just thankful, man.

I get up every morning. You know what I'm really thankful? I'm really thankful when I'm driving down Laurel King and I get carsick. Okay. I get carsick whenever I go down Laurel King. And right around when I get past the little city restaurant there, that little place that they sell their sandwiches, I told you. I think about how lucky I am doing 54 years old.

I'm still doing spots at the county store. I swear to God. I'm like, what am I getting anxiety for? And what is this car sickness for? I'm 54 years old. I should be irrelevant, not even at the store at this age. And I'm going down there to do a 10 o'clock fucking spot. And my car sickness and everything goes away.

And I'm thankful for the people that listen to the podcast. I'm thankful you came out to let you sit. Oh, I'm thankful to be here. I love being here. I'm happy you gave the dates. I want people to get to know you. They're going to hear a lot about you. You have good people too.

I told you I was at a restaurant the other day and someone was like, I know you from the church. And I'm like, the people who listen to this podcast are real, honest, and loyal. And that's what people like me and you look for in life. I'm sorry about the start of death. I didn't mean to get you to the hospital. You know what? No, that's going to be a great episode for the TV show.

Yes, because it's 2018. Everybody's going to be eating animals pretty soon. It's true, man. Ever since I've gotten into me on these, this is all I wear when I go to a gym or when I have shorts on and shit. They're comfortable. It's the mold all the softest cotton you'll ever wear. And if you're sweaty, if your monkey sweats,

you put on a pair of me on these that keeps the sweat under control. I told you people I had surgery one time. I couldn't take a shower. I sniffed my nuts the next day. They were fresh. Most of the time you sniff your nut after a day or not. Which means your balls smell like salt water and vinegar. Anyway, every year, millions of people receive the least like gift of all time.

Those white underwear, tidy whiteies, but we still give it to our family and our loved ones who just don't want it. But maybe it's just the underwear is the problem. It's the kind of underwear that you give them. Let me tell you about me on these. The only underwear that makes an amazing gift. Like I said before, Modal softest cotton you'll ever wear. They're soft, the flexible waistband.

They're three times softer than cotton. And most importantly, they're natural, sustainably sourced fiber. They're the most comfortable things you ever wear in your life. This is what I'm going to do for you. It's for the holidays. All right. It's a new year. You haven't gone out.

You haven't got a little suit called a mink. And even if you do, you're going to be wearing those tidy whiteies, women's attains to put your pants on. Because you're still living in 19 fucking 82. This is what I'm going to do for you. Right. This holiday season for yourself, for your little brother who needs this little stomach, you suck.

What you're going to do is you're going to go, you're going to give me an exclusive 20% off the softest underwear and socks you'll ever wear. And free shipping. And 100% satisfaction guarantee. Did you hear me? Right. You're going, Joey, I didn't fucking hear you. Right.

What is what I'm going to do for you? This holiday season is starting tonight. I'm going to get you an exclusive 20% off the softest underwear and socks you'll ever wear. Free shipping and 100% satisfaction guarantee. Go to me on these.com slash joey again. That's me on these.com slash joey. You're going to be happy to order them. Why?

Because they're the best. I wouldn't even talk to you about them if they weren't the goods. That's the type of guy I am. It's like right now on it. Why do I like on it? Because I live on it. They're family. I'm part of the honor family.

I got a hashtag how that family, you know why? Because they're taking care of me over the years. I go on my little alpha brain cycles. I see how my writing improves when I get focused. Not to mention the shroom tech sport. Not to mention the shroom tech immune. Not to mention the hemp force protein. What I'm telling you is go to honor.com.

Look at what they got to offer you. There's got something that's going to work. It's here, the alpha brain. Start with that and start with the hemp force protein that could count. You will not be sorry. Go to honor.com. Look at the fine line of supplements. Then go to the box on the way out and press church.

Bam, C-H-U-R-C-H motherfuckers. And get 10% off delivered to your house. That's honor. Number two. For the last two years, I've worn Fuji Yeas. I've gone from an A6 to an A5. They got the Supariado. They got the Sekau, which means world and Japanese.

Then they got another more expensive one. I'm telling you to look at the Supariado. They got it in blue with a nice green trimming. They got it in white and they got it on the beautiful black, which doesn't get as dirty. People can't notice as much. I went with the traditional white, the black, and the blue. That's the type of jujitsu guy I am.

I don't want my gi to sweat like old fucking sweat, because I could smell it on myself and then I'm sorry I'm fucking there. Not to mention FujiSports.com has rash guards. They have a sale going on. They have a lot of stuff up there. They got tremendous stuff. Do me a favor. If you're into martial arts,

or you need a new jujitsu gi for the holidays, go to FujiSports.com right now and find something on the box. Press church. I'm getting your 10% off and they're going to hook you up. All right. I want to thank FujiSports.com. I want to thank Meondies.com and I want to thank Otter.com. But most importantly, I want to thank my Latin flame,

Miss Ida Rodriguez. I took a bullet last time and then cried. She didn't run away. She called me the next day like a woman. She goes, you're not going to believe what happened. And that's what it's all about. You bad motherfuckers. I want you to have a great weekend.

We'll be back Monday morning. Tip-top-ma-goo. No bullshit. Lee Syat, the Christ killer, Joey Diaz. I love you. And my main girl, Ida, Rodriguez Gonzalez. One of those. Rodriguez.

Rodriguez. I love you motherfuckers. Have a great weekend. Blast them, Lee. Got to go to the bathroom. Come on. I'll kiss you the wind and the spiritually flat to the corners of the sun.

I've got the grace to hide and nowhere to run. When the wind gets high and the mountain's dry, I've got to get back home. Wind away from no one, nowhere at all. All alone, all alone, all alone. Look behind the window, look to the sky. Light up the streets when the black skies shout. I'm being deprived of more.

Dreams just fade away, reality's gone. It's coming this way, can't think, can't be late. The moon just seems to spine. Key to all the answers, a light in his eyes. All alone, all alone, all alone. Look behind the window, look to the sky. All alone, all alone, all alone. All alone, all alone, all alone.

I'll kiss you the wind and the spiritually flat to the corners of the sun. I've got the grace to hide and nowhere to run. When the wind gets high and the mountain's dry, I've got to get back home. Wind away from no one, nowhere at all. All alone, all alone. All alone, all alone, all alone.

All alone, all alone, all alone. All alone, all alone, all alone. Look behind the window, look to the sky. All alone, all alone, all alone. All alone, all alone, all alone. All alone, all alone, all alone. All alone, all alone, all alone. All alone, all alone, all alone.

All alone, all alone, all alone.