Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #539 - Joey Alvarado

Episode Date: December 4, 2017

Joey Alvarado, a Jiu Jitsu coach who holds a Black belt under Roger Machado and is also the creator of the kettle-jitsu program, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio.   This podcast is brought to you by:   FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear.   Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your order and stop using nasty toilet paper forever!   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.    

Welcome to podcastville The church of what's happened now is brought to you by on it.com. Listen for all your supplemental needs I know there's the way to go whether it's shroom tech shroom tech sport immune whether it's Alpha brain the label of the company because I'll tell you what what company tells you if you don't like their product Don't even send it back. We'll just give you a money back guarantee and my all-time favorite to him for us cacao Protein shake 16 grams of hemp protein per scoop You feel tip-top Magoo after that number two if you if you take good carry yourself

You're gonna need to take a good shit from time to time Now when you're writing your Christmas list of Santa this year Tell that son of a bitch one thing that he still owes your money and do that you want your ass to be the fucking cleanest fucking ass 2018 to get you a tissue bidet Joe. What's a bidet? Oh? It's a portable attaching bidet that you strap on to your toilet and say goodbye the toilet paper It's just straight up cleans your fucking asshole. It's like a bit that go to the car wash Clean, you know I'm saying can you imagine that the premium? It's like the Bellagio fountain it's like the Bellagio fountain hitting your fucking asshole

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Go to the window and press in church and get 10% off. It's that easier, right? So I gave you Fuji I gave you hello tushy and I gave you on it dot com Lee get this fucking party started just get a crack in oh Oh shit Monday December 4th Santa Barbara Day in Cuba if you Cuban Felicia, darling oh Shit My man Joey I were out of the professor The Christ killer Lisa yet and your uncle motherfucking Joey

Disease with a little name by chances girlfriend came across a needle and soon she did the same At home now 17 year old boys and there I did Is beating again called the disciples high on crack to number she This is good to get Motherfucking print And he's dropping knowledge like a motherfucker The thing the thing here we go It's June

You're gonna add to see a little six thirty Maybe during the mobility Oh shit That is a fucking jam Happy Monday you bad motherfuckers. It's December the rent is due Christmas is due new years is due your resolutions is fucking do So start thinking about them my main fucking professor Joey Alvarado here may gonna come back Yeah, yeah, the king of kettle Jitsu

You don't know what the fuck kettle Jitsu is now, you know, you know saying and my main fucking goomba Lee sciatica the fucking savage of The Christ killer didn't come again. No, I'm saying Christ killer. How do you get a moniker like that? Christ killer. That's what the old school Italians are called Jews Fucking Christ killer Christ Stereo that's hilarious. You hear somebody say it in Italian. It's fucking hilarious. It's like in it sounds angry It sounds like when Hitler would say

Just okay, okay, quick No, my thoughts to clean they say it really please don't kill it or something My dog I had to say it once for an audition for a boardwalk empire I was playing sound Monanzano, and that's when I first I had heard it before Christ kill. I was like damn That's a bit fucking Staticated Jewish people But in the 40s 30s and 50s, that's what they fucking call you're on that boardwalk empire No, they sent me an audition like two or three times. I couldn't I watch a few episodes. That was pretty cool

That's a fucking great show crazy. That's a crazy as fucking show. Is that Bushemi guy Bushemi It was you know right there around the time with the sopranos HBO was on fire What's going on professor? You know same old same old man. Just hustling getting ready for the big tournament this month Tired sore, but you know, I'm just always grinding around teaching. I teach. That's what I do. That's what I love Fortunate to do it for a living. Yeah, but you do it like crazy times So it's not like you're rolling in there at 10 o'clock in the morning. Yeah. Yeah, you know, but um Like when I start off like I wake up Monday Wednesday Friday I wake up at 4 a.m. And I do the 5 30 thing but like what I did

I teach at 5 30 am 6 30 am and then I crash out on the couch for a little while So I take I take little naps, you know, but I mean on average I teach a little over 20 classes a week So I really only work 20 hours a week because each class is an hour But it's it's not that grueling. You know, they get used to it. I'm used to that schedule You know, they have a lot of classes there. They do really Fucking do so 6 30 12 6 30 7 30 8 30 now you're missing it goes. Well, yeah, that's just like jiu-jitsu and stuff. Yeah

That's five classes a day four days a week That's why my 10 a.m. To so like the 10 a.m. No, yeah money was Monday to 6 30 So what was that and then we still got on Friday we got another class there at 6 30 Yes, there's no two classes and then you got one on Saturday and two on Sunday really, right? Well for jiu-jitsu jiu-jitsu your master's right the master's well the master's training is kind of like that's off The that's off the record right there. It's not you know, that's that's just for like a bunch of old guys Yeah, the cats that don't want to like I don't know. They just wanted to train with each other, you know, like a like a safer environment

Yeah, you got to be a certain age, so if you're not a certain age man, and then you sneak in there, they'll kick you out They are they are you know, I mean because like I Mean I'm 46 years old man And I mean I roll with all the young cats and stuff like that, but man, you know I could see how it takes its toll on people's body, man You know like some of the older cats just they can't do it And everybody's built up differently, you know, I got the blood of a fighter in me So maybe that's why I'm able to hang with these the young cats

But sometimes men like these young cats roll with these older guys and they're just young and Spazzy spazzy to you know and they catch a man I've Catch a little stuff like and they don't and they don't want they don't want to roll like that all the time You know, I mean and some people just don't have control and in the master's class They want to keep it fun and and and safe and you know, just kind of like nothing too crazy I think it starts I think it's like a eight o'clock on Sundays As one of those like no fucking around classes could bring you at seven in the morning

Does he really? I didn't know that. I heard that it's like fucking old dudes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's cool Man, you know, like, you know, it's cool when you you can cater to like groups like that, you know because Like over here, I was just talking to a guy not a lot of gyms have a good female program and And we have a really good female program We're at legacy, you know, and then they have like a 9 a.m. on Saturdays They have a just an all-female class was just all girls, you know, and that's good to have that man because you know like These girls, I mean they're all most of them have to roll with guys all the time and it's fucking hard man

It's hard for a little bit. I have this little girl for y'all, man Remember the Mexican girl. I was my all-time favorite Mexican girl that went to work at Salson chips. Oh She signed up like eat that Blanquita I had money that Blanquita could kill a motherfucker. She was like she was so smooth. So she's like I think she was like four Yeah, it's hard to gold sweetheart. Yeah, but immigrant mentality, you know, she works Strongest fuck she's strong as fuck and sometimes you roll with a woman and they take you for a loop and you're like Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah for sure at first. I was fucking around

So you got that crazy strength. Yeah, that some women that just and you get impressed with you like, okay Yeah, for sure man. She's a scrappy little girl, man, you know like sometimes those Little people are though, you know, I mean get little people that they get that Napoleon complex So they they they're always being picked on and stuff like that. So they're like naturally like scrappy, man You know, I mean we have a few little scrappy people at our gym that are that Benny little Benny Yeah, that's that he's definitely little Benny Blanco from the Bronx Sweetest kid in the world. Yeah, we ain't gonna catch him because he just keeps moving. You're chasing By the window next thing, you know

And I'm trying to grab the back of his pants and he's pushing away from me I'm not he's like, you're not getting on top me. I don't give a fuck what it takes and every time I'm there always go Roll and then come get me Because he actually wants to get away from me. He knows after a minute. I don't want going up. I can't I'm chasing But that's his fucking strategy. That's his game. That's his game And he'll try to arm bar me and he'll push away. Fuck you. He'll cartwheel right on you. Oh, yeah Yeah, over you car wheels. Oh, no, he does everything. Yeah, they weigh one fucking 40 these guys They're not gonna let you out. They got my knee. He's kicking at my hips

He and I don't get mad at him because If that happens him on the street and he's my teammate, he's my brother I want him to be prepared And you know, it's and when you look at me and you see think oh, this guy's gonna get on top of me When I see those guys, I applaud him even meanwhile as soon as I land in the side control I always go up a little bit and I ask him. How are we doing down there and breathe? That's good man because you have a fucking crazy So then

Sometimes they just sweep me these motherfuckers and I'm like how the fuck they sweep you all the time All the time. That's my name sweep aka choke That's my street name Bro, I could and they play me now. They learn how to put marco I can't get on marco. I can't stay on marco for more than marco playing me Marco plays me perfectly and he'll work a lot marco hard But that's what's gotten marco so hard because if he knows in his mind That if he could get me off him after a minute

And I lay into his stomach. I fuck with him a little bit. I make believe I'm going to come more. I ain't doing nothing I'm just laying on his stomach. So you can't you're giving his your strategy out right now I got one strategy fat That's it. I remember a professor came up to him one time. He goes, I don't know. He goes, I don't know if I ever told you this He goes when I was in brazil, there was this dude, you know, and he has a little belly He submitted everybody by passing their car and then getting them north south I go, yeah, but my hand doesn't go under to get that my wrist. He goes, what wrist? Just put your stomach on their face because

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there's a brazilian dude, you know, you know, uh, what are you talking about? Did you know lavel? Yes, lavel. Okay. I haven't seen him in so long. No, he moved to texas. Okay. Well, anyway, like at one point He was really big. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, 420. Yeah, he got the surgery. I haven't seen him after that But anyway, he was fucking funny as shit. Like he was my student, man And uh, he was to say he was in the same predicament as you but like he's bigger than you. He's so much bigger But he learned he developed his own submission dude. It was called the titty tap So he would fucking get the side mount and he'd fucking put his titty on top of him and smother him and and they

Fucking get suffocated and tap out, man. You can't I was like lavel was that he goes. Oh that that's a titty tap I just fucking fell out there. This is Filipino kid from Jersey. I love it that school with all my heart. His name is Ben Benny, Benny, remember? Oh, you're talking about with Benny. There's little Benny and then there's big Ben. Yeah, yeah There's big Benny, Benny Hanna. I love big Ben I love big Ben And big Benny came up to me one day and big Benny went to brazil and fucked a bunch of people up with the philippines And came back philippines and he came back and the philippines. He's always in class and he works hard. He's like dog I don't ever want you in north south. He goes. That's the only time I ever panic that day

He goes. I'm telling you man, you know, like when you had me in north south and your chest was on me joey I really started to panic. I almost have yeah And that and that and that and I was I was totally fucking thinking the same thing whenever you had me in side mount the other day And I was like if I didn't know how to position my hands and breathe properly Somebody would just be freaking out under this guy, man Because he you know how to distribute your weight really well when when you're in side mount, you know, I'm tired. Yeah Yeah, you're not trying to give anything up to no It's uh, it's a thinking man's game

I'm waiting for you and what experience everybody, you know Everybody's more experienced on it. So they're they've already experienced to wait it out Wait till joey throws his leg over goes to neon belly We'll get him Sometimes I fake a neon belly and go the other way and that adds that extra weight What I stopped doing that you taught me in the beginning that I stopped I abandoned was the mount The mount if I love mountain and I like to see him buck three or four times. I'm not even submission them I just let them burn on their own

Oh, I just stayed back and then I moved my knees up and I get him with a choke That's and then I stopped doing it. I just stopped one day. I don't like mountain you know, it's so it's so weird but The thing that I've enjoyed the most about jujitsu is It teaches you who the fuck you are. Oh for sure, man in the simplest way It's a mirror with an x-ray machine That really teaches you every fucking one of your insecurities your weaknesses And then you have to figure out how to overcome all that shit. That's why all those small guys baka

That little there's a little italian little new york looking brown belt that comes in during the week Stalky dude all those dudes they fuck. Yeah, I don't give a fuck what they're five four Once my head goes over a certain angle. I know I'm going night night I know they're sending me for a loop I know it in their experience. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah always has me. Sure. Sure. Sure Very interesting what I've learned the last couple of years But I also learned that at my age I have to be doing some type of weight work every week. Yeah, I could roll twice a week

That's great for me. Yeah, for sure. And that's why I've always looked at your programs I mix them. I got a couple of those little alberto bats And I loose milk with that and I'll do cleans And uh last week I totally last sunday was the first time because I miss them. Listen Playing football if you can't tackle Sucks dick. All right. The reason why you play football is to tackle motherfuckers It's chase somebody down and tackle them and get them down or block the thing Doing a kettlebell workout and not doing swings

Sucks dick Yeah, you can I mean like the thing is is I mean, you can mix it up if you know, you're now I know how to mix it up I know that after I do swings. I can't sit down the right comic That was the other thing you cannot You get too wound up tightens your back too much. Oh, yeah, and then when you're on the computer You're basically it's unnormal because your head's down So in a way your neck cranking yourself

I didn't know this till this last time I hurt my back because you know when you're right The thing about writing is just like jujitsu That's why I compare both arts. I like these people go. I write one hour a day. That's good professor joey, but It's not gonna work because you don't find your jujitsu The same way like you don't find your writing To you're frustrated to this two and a half hour It's like if I come over to your house, I keep passing your guard and keep laying on top of you Okay, you know when you're gonna figure out

Two and a half hour mark. Yeah, you're gonna learn. Oh, wait a second. Look at this and then you're gonna go Let's do this again. And now you're gonna get me from the other side yet Writing is the same way. You'll sit there with a pen doing this shit So I stopped doing that now now. I actually take a story and go Yesterday professor joey taught me how to do the omoplata. I kicked my legs out and while I'm writing that I'll go omoplata. That's a funny word So you follow me, but it don't happen in an hour. That's when people go to me. Oh, I write an hour a day That's not nothing you want to be serious. No, no, no That's not enough when you want to work on your game. So the game gets delivered at the end of and there's days

Professor where you you're gonna do the ten o'clock class The 11 o'clock you're gonna do the 10 o'clock no g 11 o'clock drill and 12 o'clock alberto class And you're still not gonna get it But there's gonna be days that you're gonna get it by and that's the same thing with writing. Yeah, so sometimes I may be sitting there And also at the two and a half mark and next thing, you know, I've been sitting there I left alberto's at 130. I went home. I had a protein shake And I've been sitting there. It's fucking 6 45

Professor when you will go to get up You have no idea what your body feels like at 45. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah If you do 10 sets of swings in 10 minutes and three sets of cleans and Three sets of gobbels And then I would do three sets of one-arm swings I can't sit down after that You have to be and then I I do your dolphins are all kicking in

I do the stretch or so you've got to do the warm down Cool down the cool down. I do everything the thighs And now what I've been doing that works. Oh my god, professor. You ready? I'm gonna drop the bomb on you because I know I saw you fucking with it Somebody's fucking with it at alberto's They had the bomb that I have the bomb the cbd bomb No, no, no, no, no, no You go in the shower. You put the shower on real, huh? You take the

Deodorizer soap and you wash down and then you take the luffa and you do the regular soaps You smell normally. You don't smell like you you got the hiv. You know what I'm saying? And then you fucking put shampoo in your hand and you come out and before you dry yourself down You go to the wheat store and you buy the dvd cbd oil And you rub it on your fucking legs like cream professor The next morning you wake up. Is that all you rub it on? That the professor you can't rub it on your dick has that little banger effect

You don't want to get your dick high here, right? Let me tell you something dog Once you start getting up there in age, you need everything you can to go to the gym the next day Yeah, man. I love that cbd shit. I don't like cbd shit lately I get you got to try the stuff that I use man. Not the roll on I saw the roll on the roll on. I love it. The roll on is the shit. I've used I went through it I went through what are you using the one you're using the elixir cure I made I made believe like I didn't see did you leave that for me? Somebody it was there somebody left it for me and I was like, I was like, oh my god

I got it at the comedy store. I got it from gino at speed weed. That's where you that's who's got it. Okay speed weed If you want that stuff elixir, please Elixir guys secure you it's a roll on like so I love it you go home and you take a shower I would put it on my knee before the ice And then I would put the ice on my knee and then take it off You know what I do man like and for my knees to like it's crazy because I roll it on before training and I'll put my knee brace over it So now like that knee brace has has that shit in it

So now I'll put the brace on without it and then I take it off and it's all cool again I was oh, I love that shit, man So that it really cools cools your spazzy muscles down like man. I'm always like rubbing down my knee When I get in okay when I walk in the door from just from home my bag I put it on the counter I take the gi out the fucking the rash guard I throw in the laundry and the laundry just happens to be there's a door and I open up the other door I take a nice pack and I put it on my back

And I take that and I get a big glass of whatever water I have left I take two Tylenol I drink them then I go right to my computer. I return the emails But I also write the technique of the day that you taught me and how I did if I rolled and who how long I last I just write that so I know exactly you take a little keep a little journal Yeah, so you have 20 minutes with that ice on your back You're following me that ice is on my back, man, you know, like people don't use ice enough No, I don't realize I learned that from a box of knack of foley goes man. You don't like your knees at night Like oh, why would I I'm just a fat fuck it goes even more

Yeah, man, even more he goes ice your knees twice three times a week when you're in 20 20 minutes each you have sore muscles or like oh, yeah, at least should I go preventative because I'm What I don't have anything to on this right now Why not and then you take the fucking ice pack Well, it starts to cool down and your legs are elevated and you scrub them down You're fucking front of your legs like a savage you rub them down. This is like a ritual This sounds like the big We were talking about

Let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a question and you're a healthy guy Yeah, pretty healthy. I think what does the day of joey alvarado consist of when he wakes up before I've always told people this what does it take to be joey alvarado to wake up at four To get and do cat about and you're not just there with a whistle acting like fucking glowy bird You're actually doing the technique with them. Oh, yeah, I train with myself And then by the time you go into fucking whatever goodbye and hugs you put that labamba music That fucking Martin and then you you put a gi on and then you start doing tumbles

You're a 46 year old man. Now. It's two hours already in You take that nap whatever. I know you drink a lot of water. I know you're taking supplements You know, maybe maybe not. I know you may be taking a protein shake. I love a drug cocaine Now, you know what man Man just because I I I do what I love for living. So like the kettlebell stuff is I love that people Actually show up to a 530 a.m. Class for a ticket. It's fucking crazy like to do something that I developed I would have a harder time. You know that right kettlebells, but yeah, no, you wouldn't man

You know, I always tell people just to go at your own pace, man You know, I know who to push in the classes Like if you were in it or Lee or somebody was to show up and then I never did my workout Then I'm not gonna like make you do every little bit. I might do take a break use a lighter weight You know practice technique more than anything because I mean your average person can't go through an hour class like me I mean people do that all the time your class is an hour. It's an hour. Oh my god. That's a long kettlebell But but no, that's the thing. That's the misconception. It's not just Kettlebell, okay body weight and kettlebell. So we start looking already doing mobility or that we start off with mobility right there

Then we do a core warm-up. We do an ab workout Then we do a body weight workout and then we get into the kettlebell stuff, you know I just posted a video on instagram and kind of like takes you through the protocols of one of my workouts It's not an hour an hour of straight kettlebell would just be freaking crazy. Oh my god. I would probably die What's your instagram man? Uh, just kettle jitsu. Just look up kettle jitsu Yeah, I looked at all your videos Because like I said, I don't want to be joe atlas But I want to be a little strong. You want to keep your muscles strong at this age

You want to prevent the ospiosperosis? Yeah, for sure. You got to keep moving man. When you stop moving That's when your body starts seizing up on you, you know Kettlebells are the biggest fat burner besides swimming which I have to do I have to put it You don't have to do a surgery For one day I have to put a tube in my ear because after jiu-jitsu that fluid Stays in my ear and I go deaf and I can't that's crazy. It's bad enough. Like I don't tell people this shit I don't know what you're saying sometimes. Uh-huh. That's why I got you ever seen me looking at you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Like you owe me 20 dollars

And you're like, why is joey looking at me like that because I gotta read your lips and listen Plus you're blowing my mind You're blowing my mind I've never used the funniest like like if I teach it It could be like the littlest thing and then his eyes light up like a little kid He just he gets his look he reminds me I got a little kid here. I love it because I fucking love it. So I have to pay that much attention to when people have music on Like when I used to kick box

It was the perfect size gym To make me to give me anxiety from the music It was just uh, it was take 10 feet away from albertos with that same length If you put music on too loud with you talking I get my head doesn't process. I got a lot of time to get there. It's too much. It's too much Albertos, it's perfect. I have to really look at you like when I'm looking at you during the class It's because dog. I'm really paying attention to you like I I'm looking at your lips. Yeah I can't you're very attentive student. I can't hear I can't hear

So I have to pay you have to focus even more But that's crazy you read lips. Yeah, why I came from you gotta read at least part time lips Oh my god, I was a part time everything. I told Lydia a day for years. I didn't know lipreader was an occupation When I was a kid I found out I found out by mistake That a true relative of mine was a tremendous pickpocket Like that was another one of your professions to pick bucketing, right? Oh my god when I was a young young kid At the age of like six I heard rumors about a relative of mine That was just superb

Superb enough that a big cup could be standing on the corner And that is the highest honor of a pickpocket Is to take the badge off a cup highest honor So that's the equivalent of like getting being a black belt stripes and yeah, like if you To be a black belt pick pocket pick pocket is to go up to a cop and take the badge off And then go back up to him 10 minutes later and put it back on. No, that's come on, man That's come on and go like movie shit. Listen to me. There's a movie called about pickpockets That you'll never even find. It was a movie. They made one boy. They made focus with

Uh, whatever the fuck it is will smith with the hot chick. That was great. That was about pickpocketing pickpocketing scams You know when there's an event in the city what really happens When an event goes down in houston like you think it's a soup bowl But every scam in the country is headed down there every hooker Yeah, yeah, because that's where the money's at. You gotta be So wow harry in your pocket is like It could be james coburn and it's an old movie See what year it is harry in your pocket harry in your pocket and it's about these dudes that that's it. They work airports

That's when you're gonna have money on you So that movie came out and me hearing all this shit about pickpocketing So I asked one of my relatives 73. I asked one of my who's in the movie. Let's see here I asked one of my relatives from cuba. How do you become a pickpocket? He goes That whole side of the family. I feel like this is your movie by the way that holds. Who's in the movie james coburn told you michael sarrison. Yeah trish van devere. Yeah, you know you're trish Walter pigeon. Yeah, this move these these movies. They don't even make movies like this no james coburn. I know who that is So I asked around that side of the family

And they said that oh my god, they were they had houses set up with dummies With clothes on and wallets, but they had bells And that's how you train to become a pickpocket. What they got like a pickpocket training center like my family the that side of the family It's like a pickpocket dojo training like a pickpocket dojo Have you seen the videos from the olympics in brazil with the pickpockets? I could just imagine it was it was it's brilliant It's a brilliant art. It was you just following them and they knew they were there to you have that's why I hate touristy areas That's why I hate

Tourist and that's why no, I don't hate tourists I feel bad for tourists Who make it obvious that they're tourists? Right because there are people that pray like when I live in san francisco in 85 I prayed on tourists. I would sit there reading the los angeles the San francisco times with a suit on With two and a half pair of shoes on and with joey alvarado with check and hi joey alvarado Would you like to use uh american express no cash? I know I got a pigeon

What room 312 in those days? That's why they write it down now to you and give it to you Oh my god Because there'd be guys like me in the hallway reading her lips going to go to room 312 And I just sit there. What's the first thing you do when you get to a city? You drop your shit off and you go out And I would shoot right to your room kick the door down And take whatever I had to take that's how you make a living in those days Wow, or I'd have the key to the room in those days

I had them I would rent the room in the hotel and just there was no cameras in the 80s So I would rent the room in the hotel wake up in the morning and follow the maid And wait till she'd lose a lot of maids in those days would leave the keys in the door They're in the fucking talking to the other maid in spanish I take the master key Go sometimes I make a copy and put it back and throw it in the hallway But I don't have a master key. Oh my god damn man How long would it take for them to change to change the key two or three days by that? Oh my god, you had a

Yeah, by that time I had half the building done Man that's crazy crazy shit. No, this is this is how I lived. This is who I was I can't change Gangsta do you ever wish that you weren't on like like addicted to cocaine? Because you could be like living in like the virgin island or something on like a Like a secret island now if you had all the stuff that you at that time It wasn't even the addiction to go cocaine at that time. It was just a high That was a high for me right to go out in the daytime with $2,000 in your pocket and come home with 800 Yeah, you get addicted because I mean that's it's an adrenaline. Yeah, but then where did the money go?

I go to fucking Morton's Oh my god, if tonight if let me put you this way I was the type of dude that today If I woke up this morning with seven bucks And I went to uh, what's popping that all right christmas. This is this is this was my time of the year. This is The day after thanksgiving To get paid. Yeah, I'm getting paid because hey all I gotta do now is walk into target or a big store

Go look for a blanket the biggest size blanket you can't do this today Take it go up to the counter and go high my mother got me this yesterday, but I already got it You have the receipt. No, she lost the woman gonna do with this lady. Oh, yeah, I know You want cash? Yeah, so all of a sudden boom $264 No women are really good at that. So I got 264. Oh my god. Yeah So now you got but not anymore because they got a computer. They gotta put your license in So once they start like came on once they started putting my license in there

I was trying to hit them nationwide Anytime I was broke doing comedy. I just walking through a camera Pick up a fucking play. Uh, they're going bank right now pick up a fucking, uh, pick up a thing of foot mat mats for your car They'd be 40 bucks Man, I was just trying to get rich. I just wanted a subway sandwich or soda And a $20 bag of weed That's it. That's that's I remember in the beginning years trying to start your day off Once you get your day started now, we can negotiate a little bit. I got a hundred. What do you need?

I need an eight ball. Listen, give me a hundred and I'll cut you in partners. Boom I threw a gram of cut on it now. We got a half a gram A coke plus we got a hundred dollars of cash and we just bumped into Lee. He wants to buy an ounce of weed We'll sell him three we'll sell him three quarters of an ounce and we'll spray we'll get a spray bottle And we'll spray weed water into the weed to make it heavier. So when he gets it, it's four ounces When he takes it home the next morning, it's three and a half. You're like you're like it was all day Did you guys ever do you always did that? You made the weed wet to make it you make it wetter. Yeah, you're making water. Yeah That is crazy. You you you spray the weed in the big bag

Shake it up and then put it into a different bag. You need to do like a little and when you went to weigh it Yeah, the weed is every shit Joey dog. This is when you're 24 seven And you're hustling you do like a little guide on how to be a thug But you can't do this no more because it's still just for shit. They got scales. They got cameras They got so many things. Yeah, yeah, man You know, that's how you look. All right. So let's pretend like one day Well in 1993 I was just getting into comedy. I was into it But I wasn't getting a job professor

I was not going to get a job. So what I decided to do what was the hardest thing in 1993 Coffee machines Okay, everybody wanted a coffee machine now if it hadn't expressed a machine Oh, I don't know me, but if it hadn't expressed. Oh cappuccino machine They have like one that the espresso bar that has they were 400 hours For a coffee machine for a coffee and then the cheaper one after that was 249. So I always had a backup So I would go I would get a nice shared on shave And I would pick it up bring it to the counter

My mother got me this for Christmas. I already got an espresso machine. I don't even drink coffee How would you like your money back cash or a check? I'll take cash You know, you make believe like you don't want and then they give you and then you go I go, okay. Let's say I live in LA So I would know I would know at Hollywood the one and then I take a ride to Culver City And to go to the same store in Culver City and do it all over again Now I got 900 bucks. Damn. What do you think I'm gonna do? So it's four o'clock. I got 900 bucks

Do I keep stealing? No, I made my nut for the day 900 I'm good. So what do I do on the way home? I stop at the weed store. I drop a yard stick I go by the coke dealer's house. I drop a yard stick on him. I go home. I give mama a deuce Because god forbid she don't get a taste of the action She doesn't even actually how you made the money and then you celebrate. What do you want to do? You want to hold on to it? What are you gonna hold on to it? Well, I'm gonna hold on. I'm gonna put it in the bank No, you make reservation at rails and you walk in there like you own the joint Give me 20 give me 20 even though you got $10 in your pocket and guess what you do the next morning you wake up Lee

And you do it all over again You have no idea what it was a hustle man. It's when I was in Vegas this last week There were people doing three card money next to the Bellagio And they were they had they had a like a some a girl who looked like she Was smoking cracker at the time as like the the plant to keep winning and I saw people lose hundreds hundreds because the starting bid was 100 It was crazy to come on take for the cops to get they had if they had they had like Six tv trays. I've been like where the fountain was they had like six tv tv trays They had people on each one and they had guys

I've been down the strip looking and I can't every once in every few minutes They take it off and be like no, we'll be right back. We'll be right back And and they they were there. I stood there for like 10 minutes. So the hustle is basically this The hustle is you know with three card montes. No, we cut montes. It was it was a ball under a cap A ball under a cap. It could be that it could be the you know, Ball under a cap, you know the the bean they could be go look at it. The one I grew up around Was a deck of cards So you take three cards three ace of spades

And you fold them and I go pick the red one. So I take two black cards in the run Two black cards in the red one I show it to you. Joey Alvarado. I put the fucking thing down And all of a sudden you're like no, I don't want to bet leo come up and go 20 on the red Lees a win at 20 dollars. Let's do it. Yeah, we'll come in again Leo come in again. No, lees a lee works from it. Right. Yeah, I know leo, but you're a tourist You just coming in from belgium. Yeah. Yeah, this is three mexicans There's a couple irish dudes. Yeah, we're having a good time here. Look at the red. Look at the red. Look at the red

Bob boom. He knows where it is again. He doubles his money now Now he doubles it again. In fact, I even curse him. Get the fuck out of you fed you motherfucker You try to fuck my shit up. Fuck you Fuck price killer and all of a sudden it's like magic Once he don't pick you'll pick And then I get you for 20 and then this guy'll start picking and all of a sudden with that I swear and they do something when when the when the tourist is doing it because I know where it is I look at it professor within six minutes. I got you for eight and nine hundred dollars

and all of a sudden You who works for me also go police Even if the cops ain't coming you just broke up the action and the energy That tourist who was going to go to disney land with his kids just got taken for eight hundred hours There's no I got taken for a hundred. I hope all of you did really I wanted to try it I wanted to try because I knew where it was and they did something and I when I said they took my hundred bucks I was like, fuck you man. They're brilliant and he and they're brilliant. They were like stay

I'm going to give you a chance to get your money back man. I'm like fuck. No, I'm going They're brilliant. It's a scam That's been in new york for thousands of years and then they would Come and it's all played on a cardboard box. So you ever see cat food? Whatever they kept the thing and that cardboard box. They play it on that three cards Let's go g and it's every 20 minutes They sack up anywhere from eight to 11 hundred dollars and they break it up in 20 minutes later. They pop somewhere else And 20 minutes up but all in the same area

And they keep getting tourists and it's all day And then they go, you know, it's it's living that life Is a heartless people do it And die in jail, you know, because somewhere along the line, you're gonna get caught eventually man. You're gonna get popped You know, that was my deterrent always that these guys even mob guys all these guys do crimes all their life They have a great time to get their dick sucked, but then you go to jail when you're 55 Which I don't think that that's successful

By no means Going to jail in 55 your golden years This is your years where you're fucking supposed to be getting checks in the mail and going to get a haircut And going to the park and going to the track training you get to you're an old guy like savage Whatever, I can't imagine going to jail and you're 55 60 70 dying a fucking jail Fuck you all those years for nothing. Yeah Good thing you gave it up joey. I'm glad you did man. I had no choice professor

I had no choice because I knew well the company wouldn't have worked I knew I would go back to drug dealing again or book it. Hmm I always knew that I used to always say if this doesn't work if Something happens and I have to leave LA why even do this? I'll just go back to new york move into a cave and sell coke somewhere until they shoot me. I die What a fucking attitude, but who gives a crazy you have you got to have someone to fall back on I spoke to a friend of mine today. I spoke to a friend of mine this morning early. He called me

I went outside to smoke pot like about 6 30 in the morning I had some coffee and when I came and he had miss called me And he called me and I called him back. His name is Carlos and I grew up with his younger brother deedy When my mother died I hung out tight with them tight tight and they took care of me You know those people just they didn't have much but they gave you what they had Carlos was the oldest and deedy was two years younger than me Bit slap and motherfuckers used to call him man child Man child because by the time he had beat up charlotte

He beat up charlie gizzy's brother in such a bad way at that time He was 14 and charlie gizzy's brother was 19 But he threw such a beat now that ended with him taking them And I don't know if you remember 1980 car bumpers were not five mile an hour bumpers bumpers were made of fucking steel jack And how that fight ended was deedy grabbing gun Gizzy by the head and hitting him against the car bumper. That's unheard of Right away people got aware of him

Unless that's them up early because that's security there that dude. He became my brother. He became my brother and child And then Carlos was his older brother good-looking guy And me and deedy used to get qua luge Like in high school We were kids and we'd buy a qua luge piece for four bucks And we'd split a bottle of vodka And we'd sit in his room his brother's room

233 in the morning fucked up on the vodka and the qua luge Listen to led zeppelin three Right and then his brother would come home and his brother would go. What the fuck are you guys doing? I'm like, listen, can we get a line of coke for me? Here we go, I'll give you one line, but then you gotta leave and he would give us one little tiny line of coke And that was it. That was our night So I grew up with them. I loved them But when he called me they asked me he goes, do you remember a night

Where you with my brother and something happened? And we had and I go Jesus Christ I go, I can't believe you're telling me this story. I was just telling my wife a dinner Because his brother was tough Carlos was tough And the people you're not with what tough And one night me, Dee Dee and some other dude at the park might have their own business And you just minding your own business with a fucking case of beer and you're smoking pot and there was a fence

Like the one we have here And something happened that girl a girl we grew up with and Dee Dee got into a conversation But what we didn't know that up the fucking corner To the 16-year-old girl the 17-year-old girl had like a 20-year-old boyfriend. We had no fucking idea what was going on So the boyfriend comes down. It's like Friday. Maybe 11 o'clock I got a couple beers and a couple lines of coke. The other guy's a little tuned up. I know Dee Dee's tuned up Now it's the dead of the winter Cops didn't care there was no cops then

And none so Dee Dee had gone out with I don't know if you even remember this coach You're gonna be old to remember this In the 80s they used to make football shirts league That were covered up to here was cotton and all around your shoulder, but under here was netting Oh, yeah, yeah, I remember yeah dog. It was 40 degrees. He went out with the netting no t-shirt That's how crazy Dee Dee was so if I was 17 Dee Dee was 15 my mother had already died And something happens that fucking I'll never forget this Dee Dee And the girl what kind but he was he was good looking bro

He he could have stole it the boyfriend came started talking to Dee Dee The boyfriend's buddies came we all went up and they threw a beating on us But they threw a beating on Dee Dee the guy punched Dee in the face twice And Dee Dee goes the guy goes i'm coming back. You guys are fucking his name was monahan He goes we're coming back motherfucker And we walked up the hill pissed off his shirt was ripped and now it's 40 degrees I'm bleeding from my fucking nose We get to the top of the fucking corner and we see his brother in a car with three gorillas

Who are just eating like eight kwayloons? And those days there were these brothers called the lopez brothers and their mother was dying of cancer And their mother would get pills in the first of the month F16 they don't even make them no more see if they make them anymore Tumanol T-u-m I Do ls

Tumanol's Can you use it in a sentence? Uh, so what do you want me to uh, Tumanol's the next thing i say to i say to an all to minnell to minnell no I searched for that Yeah, they don't even make them no more. They had the the number on them was f 16 you know i'm saying If you got a pill on it with f 16 little capsule they were worth they were three steps worse than kwayloons They were on those things

Wow, and they pulled over and we're like that. What happened and we go we just got into a fight These dudes beating us up. He goes who beats you up and we go they're down there right now and they go run behind us Bro, these four guys got out of the car And they threw a beat On those dudes, but the dude who would be a beating had gotten away That was the big thing we chased him down He had to get that full though. So then like a week later. I forgot about this story. I heard it like from carlos monahan the kid who had hit caught deedy was tough

Like this was no fucking joke. This was going to become bad because Carlos even said he goes I thought he could take me But I he was my little brother. I just couldn't let him hit my little brother So I had to confront him. So he was at the dude the first dude I ever would did heroin with I was about 16. His name was Gunther brown if you ask me again, I'm gonna knock it down His name was Gunther brown. He was older. He looked at the guitar player from black side with tony. I owned it And he talked about that. Yeah, he started

Good gunter But his family could make a good movie by the way, joey bro. He came from a he came from a fucking money family And he looked like tony. I owe me. He looked like tony. I owe me And he loved the Beatles So he had everything Listen professor, you know in the 70s everything was everything was copacete until they shot john levin Then those pussies went away I love beatle fans, but you you were annoying

For years you compared everything to the fucking Beatles Then when john levin got shot they went away like fucking herpes. They just went away. That's it You see this beatle fans talking. That was the end of beatlemania. Yeah, that was the end of beatlemania But in 1981 that motherfucker gunter brown you think of anything beatle professor. He had it Lunchbox beatle fork a beatle bib for his house was alarmed to the gales There was no thief. He knew where he lived dog. This guy knew I live close by He knew he had lights in the living room. He had fucking fences There was no way you could steal none of his fucking beatle memorabilia. Anyway, that that's not to do with it

Did he try? No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm sorry. So what happened with the gunter? So the gunter and carlos saw monahan with a basketball And deedy was in the car and they pulled over and they had two choices carlos said you got two choices deedy Either I can go fight them or or you can go fight And deedy goes whatever you want to do carlos was fucked. Let me go fight them. So they got out of the car The gunter and carlos and deedy and carlos went up to him and he goes monahan What the fuck happened last night? My brother's fucking 15. Why did why would you do him?

You're a fucking man. You're 20. What the fuck is your problem? He goes so now we have a problem. So now you and me gotta fight and he goes as I was uttering those words to him He goes coax. I was petrified But he goes I just had to say it to him And the guy put the basketball down. He goes, whoa Whoa, he goes, I don't know what your brother told you but hold on one second because that's how fucked up We were on the pills he took off his shirt the kid and I'll never forget that this side Was just purple

It was just purple and he goes, I don't know what your brother told you but yeah, I busted your lip But I can't even raise my right arm today. He goes you fucked me up yesterday And carlos goes deedy. What do you want to do? Do you want to fight them? Or do you want me to fight them one last shot and the guy's like Whoever I fight you're gonna both beat me up because I can't move my fucking body I didn't remember that. So I don't understand deedy actually beat his ass. But yeah, he thought he was so fucked up He thought he got his ass. Yeah, all of us. All of us got beat up. I thought I got beat up too The next morning I woke up. I was fine. It was like a it was like a time zone fucking episode

You guys just some fucking crazy ass party. I thought I partied a little bit, but I'm you made me I used to go to the mall and watch movies. I'm like a white belt in partying. Jesus christ At 16, that's what I was doing I was having my 15. I said my mom dropped me off at the mall and then we walked into a bottle of vodka and quailudes And partying at that age. There was a safe. There was a safe way across the street from the park About a half a mile from my school and we had nothing to do, bro We could just walk in that safe way shop with the bottle of booze And cross the street and drink it. They had no security in the daytime. I remember I had friends who did that

I remember like my boy Steve bit into jacks some bottles of that mad dog shit when we were young That's why they have those stupid like caps now that take 18 hours to take off for the recovery Well, I did the worst I fucking Stole Julio Rossi that fucking wine. Yeah that comes in What's the the wine that comes in the gallon the box? I don't even know Me and the kid me and louis cat meanie the dog Please me and louis cast leto took one of those big old fucking jug with the handle And we drank the whole thing. Oh my god professor. Oh god. Jesus christ. I had a headache for three fucking days

I know you're throwing up man. No, I'm not I'm not a drinker at all. I can't drink Me neither. I mean there's a point where I like drink a little bit, you know a nice steak Done just right with some chewy chewy sauce You know you dip steak in the chewy chewy sauce. That's so good. I think in a cold fucking beer That would be nice one beer just to have it Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure that that the one that's when I enjoy a nice fucking beer Nice cold, but like a nice asahi with some sushi Oh, shit

Which is something spicy like a spicy something something like I like I like spiders with spicy That's what I get when I get wings or something I like spiders because I like beers too, but sometimes beers can get bitter So I'll I'll get us what the fuck is wrong. You look sadder, too Don't pretend like I would need them with wings. Why because then you really have a fag you know Why do you even say these things, you know, it's gonna break my heart Just agree with the beer and move on. You don't drink cider with your wings and make it look worse At least say even I drink a fucking beer with my wings even I get a fucking and if I do get a cider

I'm gonna be able to justify my existence Especially if it's medium or above he chases the cider when I went home a couple weeks ago I went home and I had a show in the city friday And I real friday. I didn't want any drama. So I went to my neighbor the restaurant Rudy's And I got these fucking muscles First of all, they're gigantic. They look like a big fat fucking clit Like if she's 300 pounds, what would a clit look? That's what it was the muscles are all huge. That's the first thing that came to me when you saw

I just suck them out like there's somebody's dead clit like somebody left their clit to science Remember, I mean I'm not gonna go to Rudy's with you I don't think I could eat oysters again. No after that shit, man You say a clam. No, they're muscles muscles. They call muscles that Rudy's makes this the best muscles Are you gonna google muscles right now? No, I'm gonna show you the fucking picture There's that's the type of plate. Look at the food. Look at the poo poo platter from two weeks ago in new york, new jersey Oh my god, look at that shit, dog Poo poo platter? You know, those are ribs, huh? Ribs, steak on a steak

Steak on a steak. It's not worth it to be that skinny coach. You're gonna have the poo platter You gotta have a poo platter. Oh man, shit. I mean, we chopped it up between To digest all that food, oh my god. We chopped this up between four of us Yeah, four or five people. We chopped this up between four of us. Oh, one really strong So what are we talking about? We're talking about the muscles the muscles. Let me show you the fucking muscles Like a clitoris. Yeah, I'm not really a big uh, like clitoris. What is it called? Uh, he's changed. He's Jewish Raw bar fan, so he can't eat fuck. I eat shrimp like a motherfucker, but I don't like raw bar You don't like what the like the clams muscles

Yeah, I'm not I'm not oysters into clam oysters. I dig clams and mussels Clams on a half shell I like clam chowder. I don't like oysters. That's the one that bothers me for some reason You never had an oyster shooter? No, they make it at like a lot of sushi restaurants. It's pretty good. I like sushi. I enjoy I like that fucking crab when they fucking get the crab and they wrap it in the blue crab, whatever. I like all that shit I like sushi. I love it. I could eat that shit every fucking day. That's the problem. Yeah, but you go fucking broke Yeah, yeah, it's expensive

Yeah, I gotta I gotta I gotta you gotta know those spots Look That's the clam right there. That's the mussels. Well, you can't even see the actual mussels because it has like all that shit I mean, yeah, that's that shit that's sweet and medium sauce mixed together from rooties in cliffside part Look at the garlic cloves in there. You know what happens to your dick after you eat that shit in the whole order of rooties mussels Do you want to do you want to fork or do you just like shove it up? I just shove them in my mouth. No, you just get it. Look at the shrimps can't be Oh, I love where I've been going to these places. I was 17. Okay. It's over here. Look at the shit over here

Look at the calamar calamar. This is fucking since I was 17. I've been going to rooties. Yeah, and when you go on me You tell them to that's not the yeah, that's Cuban shit And that's it. That's all I got cucks. I got that can't be showing you. I'm my whole food We're gonna talk about health and fitness. I wanted I want can I ask a question? You can ask whatever how you want I I had uh, like I was telling you before the podcast I had like about a year where I really fucked up with my Once my working out and my diet and uh

How much could you you how long have you been teaching? Uh, I mean like 15 years like what percentage of like Like the success of working out is mental Oh What percentage man See everybody's everybody's different man, you know, some people just have that thing where they like routine and You know, they get into other people it it takes a while man. So a lot of it is mental It could be it just I would say it just varies from person to person

You know And to be motivated to work out and stuff like that, you know, and you you have to do things to to motivate yourself I tell people like take a picture yourself You know take a picture and like, you know, like is that how you want to look you want to look different You know, like use different motive ways to motivate yourself, you know, right? That's true I mean and I people like a lot of women like they they they they need a girl To a girlfriend to come with them to motivate and that motivates them because they're doing it together

Maybe that you know, there's different ways to help motivate yourself. But like Yeah, the percentage thing would have to vary from person to person Everybody's different man Because I I was thinking about a conversation I had with Joey when I was going to that kettlebell place He's it was a kind of expensive 110 dollars a month And he said why why don't you just get kettlebells or why don't you just do them at the gym? Like why like you already know what you're doing now? And I like for some reason with working out. I'd need

A coach or a group because I I'm not good at just going just for myself. Yeah, see that's different Yeah, for sure man So then you're the type of person that needs to go to some kind of boot camp or something where There's somebody there that's going to make you do something unless you want to hire a personal trainer or do it You know, but it's not even make me do something. But like If I like like motivate me and Especially if I like if I like the person I don't want to let them down but not going. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got you. I got you Yeah, man, you know, like you got to find something that works for you

And yeah, it's not every it's really hard for like a lot of not your average person Can't just go to the gym and stay motivated and work out by themselves Right. There's some people that that are like that You know, but like it's a lot more fun to train in a group though. I think in my opinion I joined karate at the age of five five or six and I really enjoyed it But I'll tell you something that was the birth of joey karate right there. You go to karate 90th street west and guys still alive Then I crossed the bridge when we moved to jerry's and I joined gushinru karate, which is all the same shit at that time

That time it's 1970 the country was Pretty much karate It was a karate Kung fu and judo were tied for second in 1970 And nothing else. There was no savat. There was no capoeira. There was no brazilian jiu jitsu Not back there. There was there was a little taekwondo Taekwondo was making waves and Different but not as big as goju was the black karate with the fist

And then all of vietnam vets came back and they were teaching their own Style which was all the same Iran shoto kan kiyoko king kukinkan It was all the fucking same And I went to gushinru karate, but there was something that happened when I went to gushinru karate I was like nine Or 10 and I couldn't wait to start lifting fucking weights. I fucking couldn't wait

And my mom was not going for it. I mean it was something that she was like you have to wait To your 14 you're going to ruin yourself and all this shit and I would go fuck that So I would wait till she was gone and I would take the closets The sliding closets and I would unhinge them and put them on two chairs professor Like two fucking bar stools and I would get a bench press the thorns were cementing them If you dropped them too hard, they would shatter and shit and I would bench press and shit like I couldn't wait I loved it. I loved By the time I was 16, I was on a regular

Weightlifting routine not squats and nothing but chest back I used to be like that in high school. I loved it I didn't leave the house my sophomore and junior year till I worked out seven o'clock People came over and we all did we all pushed each other and I loved it But when I got into comedy that became my love and obsession Especially when I got to the major league to get in the major leagues, which is living in los angeles And your focus does shift, you know, and it took a long for me right now. It's a mental thing For me, it's I don't I hate being overwhelmed with comedy professor

It fucking drives me crazy. If all ten phone calls are about comedy It drives me crazy and I gotta write comedy and I gotta talk about comedy. I gotta bump into comics Hang out with comics So when I go to jujitsu, it's a complete different mental game for me. Yeah, I talk to people. I'm a fat fuck in the back And I love that feeling. I love just being the fat fuck in the back. We don't need to take pictures We don't need to talk about comedy. What's your next movie? It's your happy place. It's my happy place I think that I think that part of all those years where I was fucking up professor Was because I didn't have a happy place

My happy got to have an outlet man, you know, you can't have the same shit all my happy place to the edge This was the problem was I was a double agent professor Okay, because I knew you know the other day had a really interesting conversation with eddie bravo And I got a couple interesting for a lot of people think That I would even consider It's fucking hilarious Eddie bravo asked me something the other day and when I told him no he almost died He goes so when you get high before class

How do you do because I told Eddie I called him I go I went two Sundays ago Not this last sunday the sunday before I got murdered professor white belts were choking me out I just didn't have it that day. Yeah, and I called Eddie. I go if I ever thought about quitting It would be to be today And he goes maybe he goes did you get high before class? I go don't I don't get high before class I go if I got a 12 o'clock class the last time I'll get high is at 8 30 I won't get high three hours before fucking and he's like get the fuck out of here. I'm like you think I'm parking with you

I go that's you did though. No I always thought you did like edamame. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no Not this last time But about six months ago one night. I went to the weed store during the afternoon And I bought weed and they gave me a hundred milligram rice 60 treat You know, you do you know what I do with a hundred? Oh my god, you know, I do you know what that does to me? We ate Uh, what tonight? We ate like 500 tonight And look at me looking 500

What do you think a hundred milligram does to me nothing? I ate it didn't even think about it. I didn't think about it. It didn't even haunt me Till I was walking up the corner to Oh god as I'm walking up the corner. I'm like I might be making a mistake, but I saw I saw burlose wife already by the outside I couldn't back out then So I remember walking in and having to sit down

And people wanted to shake my hand and hug me and I'm trying to fake the funk. It's At that point I would just go back over to I think I'm gonna get an ass like you I ran. I got my Came back and it's not like I at night. You can't go in the back of the jumping jack And warm up a little bit back. So I had to go right on the mat and during the warm-up when you do the The grip crushes all During the crow's choke chunk is the fucking the cross choke choke Let me tell you some close close the anxiety was off the charge and I'm looking at you and you don't know what's going on And I'm high

That's the that's the day that you are he's he's so interested into today Oh my god, and I and and then we went over a technique And we did the technique and that was cool in the first row the white belt mounted me and I was like out of breath And I'm sitting there ready to die and who do I spot a blue belt? That's a woman. I go That's my next victim And I just got on top of that was it until you were like all right class is over and I'm like Oh, that's the thing about it. No bro fuck that professor creep up at you and you're just like oh But six hours later. I forgot about the fucking thing

Damn, that's crazy until your heart starts beating the late reaction But it happens with comedy too. Like sometimes you might be able to at three go out to dinner And once you go on stage the adrenaline level goes up the lights It's lights in everything kicks in now. So you wait for yeah Yeah, that's man. No, but it's not bro. I think I think being underneath a guy like you in half god is more scary than me than being on the stage bombing at the 10 minute mark You have no idea when you bomb dog in comedy you have to The best is when you open for somebody and you bomb like for years I open for rogan and bombed

When people come out and go joey, you were great and all of a sudden they look at you and they go You're good too You sucked you have to walk out in front of those fucking people like that is I can imagine that's crazy man. Horrible horrible feeling. Yeah People's careers have ended when they heckled and you make these videos And you're pretty natural in front of the camera. I've been doing it for a while I Didn't look for well, but I think I'm a natural actor. Are you so if anybody's giving any rolls out there

They ain't no giving dick Some eyes, you know, you mean I don't have a chance of being discovered on here Especially now that harry winstein got busted Oh, man, this is uh, if harvey was still around I'll make a few calls man Get you up to the hotel. You can teach them jiu-jitsu in a ballerina suit. Oh my god So next year, you know, we're gonna have like chicks in the from the rap video saying hey, man Snoop dog molestimier some shit like that some crazy Well, he already admitted to being a pimp. So I do like no, but like what I'm saying is just like me. Who snoop dog?

Those rappers like bone all the girls in the video. Hold on. Are you kidding? Bro, those girls used to go to those parties and get fucking oh for sure, dude Not gang rape the word isn't gang rape. No, but willingly, but they would get willingly. Oh willing my thing Willingly man because like like for sure, man. I remember um, yeah, okay Yeah, some of those those guys climb some of him. He I think he did it But I don't think he took the money or something. It's a rolling stone article. I fired from 2013 In o3 he put an organization together Well, uh, when he was doing the playboy tour he had a bus following with 10 bitches on it

I could fire a bitch and fuck a bitch get a new home Uh, he said city to city to oh my god Um, I'll put this up there. I guess for you But he uh Oh, but yeah, but he said he'd act like he'd take our money, but he'd give the money back to her So he's just pretending to be a he just wanted to see what it was like. Oh my god, dude So people do that are millionaires, you know, they just hey, I'm gonna pretend to be a pimp for a little while Just to see what it's like bunny. Oh that

The bunny wailer is a he's is a pimp. Was he a pimp? Who's bunny wailer? I'd see that I'd let them take the money from the binge Somehow I was just waiting for his wife to Survival my wife had to take a backseat to this shit And I love her to this day because she could have shook out a nigga But she stayed in my corner So when I decided to let go she was still there. Yeah, you look at man

Right there it says a lot of athletes bought pussy from look That he's so fine, dude, like city to city to the titty hotel in the hotel room Jesus Christ, I mean what listen, you know, you're Justin Bieber, you know, you're on a tour bus What the fuck that just happens, you know, somebody was telling me a story years ago About when Paulie sure was at his peak And he had gone to his club at the time he goes I was like a server But I remember coming in and seeing a line of girls And it was Paulie in the bus with blind like things and he had a guy outside

Waiting to and he would have girls that would just come in to suck his deck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I can imagine You want to put yourself in that type position? That's your fucking business. That's Paulie sure So Justin Bieber, man, I can't hear I can't imagine what those guys do. That's crazy. Well, you know You got nothing going on you live here. You're hot You got a hot body you wear those fucking Hot fucking shoes. What do you want me to tell you? I don't know Do you take somebody on the road? I don't know the fuck knows man

You just try to do the best you can And try to be a gentleman, but on those road things you saw a fresh out of Compton When they fucking uh fresh out of Compton, whatever the fuck the movie is that They had the chicks in the room and the black guy knocked on the door And she was sucking the guy's dick and that's his girlfriend and but it's in the point until I get someone new one In every city. Why do they want to take somebody? That's a hotel room. Maybe there's different. That's what a groupie is man. That's what 10 girls are You bring groupies on the road groupies follow the the groupie follows bands are

Oh, okay, the group is gonna drive themselves and that's okay. Yeah, sometimes I can like a parent. What was that movie they made? Plus is full of them now remember that movie they did with with uh with uh The guy from my name is Earl and mark marvin about music really good music Almost famous almost famous almost famous. Yeah, the one was almost famous. So the other one rock star It was rock star a rock star where the girls followed in the back Girlfriends were in the back. Yeah. Oh or something like that. Yeah, those guys had weird fucking rules on tours, bro Those are those are tours with 20 people on them late. Holy shit. That's a lot of money Are you a dealer your coke dealer your fucking weed dealer your psychic healer?

You know your your relationship. Did he still charge you for the weed? Listen, who the fuck knows Lee you're making millions of dollars You were living in a fucking camp and next thing you know, you're you're selling out arenas You don't even know how much money you fucking have you have the number one album in the fucking country And five nights a week you're selling out 19,000 fucking seats two shows a fucking night What do you think happens in the 70s and 80s? When the music sex drugs and rock and roll was still alive when music was still alive

And you put out an album and you sold 10 billion fucking copies like you know Whitney Houston numbers and Uh, you know, what's the chick that sang the titanic? So indian, you know those numbers that that takes you into millions of millions of dollars crazy How much money in music music has millions of layers to it, you know rob thomas I I read a story one time and rob thomas how much he made of writing One fucking song because he always kept the rights Who the fuck knows a lot more than i ever fucking made. Yeah, man. You know, look at look at when uh

Look at the controversy that happened with the Beatles and michael jackson michael jackson bought the rights to the Beatles music Under fucking paul mccartney's nose Why do you think he bought that? Because there was so much that means any time fucking chevrolet Wants to use what your song you're gonna be making money for you're gonna use that You know how big the Beatles catalog is are you fucking crazy even led zeppelin broke down Led zeppelin who the kings of anti-commercial?

Once they went with catalogue but I guarantee you Catalogue had to pay zeppelin a lot of fucking money dogs. Yeah I guarantee one of those guys felt raised and said listen My bank account fell under 200 million for the first time in 20 years Music business is huge huge, man I was just watching that the Joe Rogan when he had billy corgan on there And I mean the smash phones. They're pretty big, but I didn't realize they made that much money Oh, fuck. Yeah, he was talking about like going and just for the hell of it

Just go walking and buy a fucking ferrari or lamborghini and she was like wow Because I remember they that one album of Simon's dream was huge And after that they had another one was pretty big, but like man like I mean When you're selling a couple million albums I guess you're making it a shit load of cheddar If you stay on the road for a year and you perform four nights a week Like what guns and roses just did yeah right now they they're making The tour just ended Wednesday night. It was uh, they did it on live on

Whatever the fuck it was, but I can't even imagine what the money they make on the road. They probably made a shit little money Because to put up to get back together. They had to promise them A big amount of money. That's what for sure for sure for sure Listen the money's there, you know, they were getting For guns and roses, but those they might show they were getting $2,000 a ticket, but there's Wednesday night Wow, because that was the last night of the tour at the fucking forum There's tons of there was you know this you know, you you you drive down sunset

There's no more record stores. There's none of the ones over by Nobody buys none of that. It's crazy how the you know how you know, I remember living To walk into a fucking like the other had a one I went into the one by Burbank That's one of my favorite ones which one what I'm too lazy to drive to Hollywood to amoeba Which I need to go to bed in a music store and God knows how Jesus Christ I just buy everything on google play man. I don't have can't remember the last time I bought a CD or a dvd for that matter. Let me tell you something. You have to go to omiba at least one time Yeah, me but I mean that's just to walk around. I love it. I go to omiba

I walk around I see the music. I remember shit. Yeah, because you forget a ton of shit I've forgotten more about music than most people I believe it because I went through 23 000 phases of music Same here, you know from the pretenders to I went through so many different genres that I forgot about some shit. I like the smashing pumpkins. I never saw them live Yeah, I like them too I mean now like I like the album before the Simon's dream and Simon's dream and then I kind of got out of them for a little Well, but that was around like the whole grunge air And I just didn't realize that they made that much Chris Cornell

Which was one of the reasons why you wanted to come on here. I forgot. Yeah, that's where we're supposed to We're talking about Chris Cornell Can you imagine how much Getus he's gonna get in the next couple of years? Oh man now he wrote all those songs Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's where the dough is right when you're the writer then you make the majority of the the cut So he wrote the sound garden. Yeah, he wrote for his songs all that and that's initially I think that's what broke up Audio slave was it I think so because I think it was like he was like I was he was supposed to get the bigger cut and it kind of little You know something something and then that's what I that's what I had read

I don't know if it's a hundred percent. Sure. It's crazy about two weeks ago. I was driving like a while I haven't heard Chris Cornell music on the radio in a few months, you know Just the people just must have got together. So let's give it a break And I get in the car the other morning and rusty cage is on And then they got on the 405 the other day and fell on black days is on like fuck How good was this shit? Hell yeah, man Like I kind of like couldn't listen to it for a little while You know

And then I recently started playing some like temple of the dog and some some sound garden and stuff like that But man, I just just thinking about it would make me sad Just make me sad. I'm like, wow, Chris Cornell is really gone. It's fucking sucks You know, this year has been weird this year was a weird year But the music industry took a heavy hit this year. How many fucking people died prince david bowie Chester bennington Chris Cornell, who am I missing? There was somebody a few a few other people We lost we lost my brother Ralphie made this year. It's been starting to bother me the last

Three saturdays this morning. I woke up I think that's why I went back to bed this morning because I got too depressed about it Because he would call me on saturday morning. He knew I was on the road And he knows that no matter what time I go to sleep friday I always get up for egg saturday morning. I get stoned I watched something And now like for a while I'm like, he's just on the road in your mind. You're like, he's just on the road But now that I'm not hearing and then somebody posted a picture the other day on

Twitter of him with a hat on You know and then from time to time his fucking Page comes up and just you know, he had a twitter page that said tour dates And a picture him going or whatever with tour dates And for some reason I don't think him and I were ever friends on twitter So he keeps saying friend him And so it's fucked up. Like he's going. I can't believe I'm never gonna see that guy. Yeah, man. He's never going to That's crazy. Jerrigan, you know

That's why we're lucky. I've been I've been I've been there too many times So I know how you feel it's the same way was like the first my first year teaching at legacy I lost three students from my old gym The first one was my boy elton navarro like Once I started teaching at legacy Some of my students started coming out there I never asked him to come but they're like, hey, you're there. Is it cool if we come over?

Hell, yeah, that's cool, you know And little by little my my former students from our old gym so Cal started showing up, you know And we were all training and and elton walks in and we're like elton. Oh, shit, you know, we're like happy to see him He signed up Literally no shit joy the next day He jumped on the five on his motorcycle gets random ring and dies And you just and you know, like what happens is is like these memories pop up on facebook too And you're like fuck man, like fucking that's crazy, dude, you know, like I mean he was young man, you know

It's fucked up, dude. I had another student Yanny She died in a fucking mountain biking accident Like a few months later, dude crazy, dude, like I never realized mountain biking was out dangerous I thought they just fucking rode mountain bikes through the woods and shit like jump over logs and stuff But apparently they do like crazy shit like

Driving on the edge of fucking mountains and shit and I don't know what she did but she flew off and then I guess she hit her head and went into a coma And and she was just brain dead. So they had a pull to plug, you know, yanny She was like in her 30s Then I had another another one, um John Hev's gold like he he killed himself and shit man, you know, and it's fucking crazy, man, you know It's crazy, man. People just dropping off flies, man, you know, and that's kind of like been my story my whole life I've like had a lot of people die to me, man. So I don't know

It's crazy, man It's crazy, man You and I remember my uncle telling me when he goes me home. He goes he goes just he goes Don't think it's god punishing you man. He's like he's like sometimes people some people get it worse than others You know, because my my mom died my dad died my little brother was strangled three years ago Crazy shit, man. It's crazy So it makes you it really makes you appreciate life a lot more than what you're getting at. Yeah, you got to appreciate everything that you have No, I always uh

I lost the friends and the parents at an early age and now it hits me differently Now I know how to cope it a little bit. Yeah, everybody deals with a different thing. You know, that's why I tell people it's a process When the grieving process, it's a long process. Yeah And it could either be a long one or a short one It all depends like some people the first holiday is tough. Yeah, you know I always did something with Ralphie around. Yeah, exactly Thanksgiving The holiday is the last 10 years. He was married. He had kids You know, he was a natural. I didn't see him. I could sit here and tell you. Oh, no, no, no

I wasn't like that. But we talked, you know, these are your comedy friends. These are people that you Grew with You know, you watch them grow and they watch you grow It's a special type of bond, you know, so No, the Cornell thing and look I heard it. I thought I said to myself I hadn't heard it and boom I heard two fucking jams And now I'm back and now it's the fucking month when uh, you'll hear these fucking Things end of the year and all the people we lost this year. Yeah. Yeah. I hate all that shit

Yep, but anyway, the other reason why we talked, I know you have another video coming out What is this coming out and what's the name of this one? Oh the um I'm working on the kb flow 90 day challenge. We already filmed like eight weeks of it So got a little bit more filming to go but it should be out like in the new year like january like maybe late january or so But it's in the work. So the kb flow program is basically right now Like that's kind of like a trend with kettlebells, you know, they're everybody's doing kettlebell flows and stuff like that and um Everybody sees my videos and they see other people doing it But that's kind of kind of originally what I started doing I developed kettlebell flows because I was bored with basically

So can you describe what a flow is for me like and it varies, you know People have their own version of what they think a flow is but you know, I started doing kettlebell flows for a reason because My whole idea was trying to always trying to make kettlebell training closer to jujitsu So in jujitsu when it comes to jujitsu You're using all your muscles that all the time together You know, so you're pushing you're pulling you're hinging and you're squatting in some way some some form another when you're doing jujitsu So a kettlebell flow for me is put putting multiple movements together And combining those together into one continuous flow where you're working your whole body

Like some people like say maybe you see like professor I do five of those things right here and I do five cleans right here. That wouldn't be a flow That's more like a ladder. You're doing everything but like for me Like doing a flow today. We did squat curl press squat curl press figure eight till holds figure eight till hold rocket clean it Squat curl press squat, you know, I understand figure eight till hold. So that's like a flow you know, so um Like when you combine multiple large muscle groups together, then your heart rate shoots up That's why jujitsu is so hard. You're using all your muscles your heart

It shoots up your sweating start breathing having your burning calories So in addition to that like a lot of people don't realize like when you're training jujitsu The muscle guess what the muscle is that you're working the most You're because you're no matter what you're you're pretty much always using this muscle whenever your heart your hips The heart is a muscle, too But your forearms man, you gotta think about you're all we're always fucking grabbing I thought I was a good looking grabbing grabbing grabbing grabbing grabbing They did a study on it like my little boy benny speaking of benny benny block of rocks

He's always like looking shit up and sending me stuff professor Look, this is the number one move just like you say because the kettlebell flows because the kettlebell flow You're not putting that bell down for like an extended period of time like maybe like almost two minutes So your forearms are blowing up as well as kettlebell using today. I used like a 20 kilogram kettlebell Oh my god, if you guys look at the kettlebell flow, so my instagram right now using that's how easy guys It's like 42 pounds. Yeah, I mean I don't really consider it that heavy, you know, like there's some people I know a girl shout out to my girl, britney kb fit brit She does uh

sport kettlebell lifting And she does two 24 kilograms long cycles that means 10 minutes of a particular exercise for 10 minutes straight I've seen those things when they do like hundreds of swings or hundreds of cleans Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't use this christ like people do that And you know, I'm not really the biggest fan of it because that's just like why do you need to do a thousand Repetitions of any particular exercise. I don't know you get that But you know people like use that as a different way to motivate themselves You know, I mean, I gotta do another challenge. I'm gonna try to do a thousand swings during this week

You know just something people like to set goals, you know, you know, I'm not a fan of the thousand swings because I mean like It's kind of like overworking your Your posterior chamber a little bit, but I think 500 swings is a better goal. I don't even man We honestly have after the end of the week. We don't even get 100. We we don't even get 100 swings. Are you serious? Yeah, it's not about like how many It's about the whole routine together and working all your muscles evenly, you know I don't like working one muscle more than another, you know I like to get a full body workout like if after you leave like one of my kettlebell workout

You're gonna feel it everywhere I'm gonna feel it everywhere You're not gonna just feel it in your butt or your legs or your chest or whatever. You know, I mean That's what I'm always trying trying to um, accomplish in the workout is to get a full body workout and a safe workout So the kb flow challenge is gonna have basically like what people see on my instagram. They see one minute of a workout They're not seeing what leads up to that. You know what I mean? So like Something that you have to break each flow down little by little step by step and drill it with the kettlebell And then he leads up to the kettlebell flow

So on this on this program that i'm doing it's going to teach It's going to teach you how to structure flows and how to warm up properly and everything like that and it's going to be in levels So by by the end of the the 90 day program, man, you're going to have like a really amazing understanding of kettlebells And not only just kettlebell, but like movement with kettlebells because that's why I love kettlebell so much Because you can add so much movement to it as well, you know, but it doesn't get too crazy You know like nowadays people are are really into doing the most complicated flow as possible But the way I look at it is like it's not really practical I wouldn't be able to teach it to a class anyway

You have to make the flows practical so people can actually do them with you as well, you know But you know, that's the beauty of fitness, man. You can just do whatever you want You know, you can do crazy flows or I'm always thinking about how am I going to teach this to my students as well? You know, so like the kb flow program that's going to be coming out It's going to have it's going to be structured like from the beginning kettlebell flow to Intermediate to advanced to like double kettlebell flows and stuff like that as well So by the end of that program, you're going to be a kettlebell beast for show. Let me ask you this like That's it. This is the month

Where people start looking at themselves and go I bought these pants And they fucking don't fit no more My wife is fucking putting them in the shrinker too long I Said you fucking eat everything No, you know, this is the one month where people don't work out man. The gym gets slow all the time this time of the year Yeah, and there's just they're just waiting for the fucking year and then it'll be packed and then yeah new year

That's when the new year's resolution is kicking and then everybody wants to fucking work out again You know, it's uh, and then summer comes around and then it slows down again. They're like, oh Some guy 40 typical 40s used to work out stop because he had a kid or something He starts watching one of your videos What's the first video? I think you know, because you have some great videos on there Like you got like a three minute Uh intervals you got the fucking the free workout sample the basic tutorial. You got some great little You even had a piece that was in jujitsu magazine. Yeah. Yeah, I've been in jujitsu magazine a couple times. Yeah

For sure. What can they start off with just like, you know, honestly like, um Man, you know, you have to find kettlebells. It's not something that Or just exercising in general. It's just something you just don't want to look at instagram and just grab something to start Do you have a program online? Yeah. Yeah. I mean you can go online. I have any of my programs start from absolute beginner So like anybody could pick up anyone in my programs. I'm not gonna just I haven't Don't just like a straight advanced workout out there, you know So like all my programs if you go on online and actually, you know what like I forgot to take Everything down from my black Friday sale. So everything's still discounted right now. So it's super cheap. You can get

999 you can get a one month Turkish get-up program right now And it's going to take you step by step from beginner to advanced, you know So like anybody can pick up one of my downloads and and start from scratch I definitely do not recommend Like looking at an instagram video and being like hey and just pick up a kettlebell and start doing it because like I said There's a lot that leads up to it. You know, you have to know how to warm up properly and stuff like that So like my downloads is just like basically like having me in your living room to work out with you know And that's how I try to make them

So I watch I watch or find a place that has a legit kettlebell person and learn from them It's funny because I know you start to certify people. I've been certifying people for And they're all over and they're all over the country. Yep all over the world and But it's funny. I see the people who just basically work with you and I've seen how they've transformed Especially how they're jiu-jitsu game the one kid who works at his dad's mechanic shop You're boring the morning. What's the Filipino kid the doctor? That came from va va mac with all of the small car car. You know, I see how they games all change

You teach a different type of game Jiu-jitsu, yeah, and it's really uh, I could see it with the people that you work with, you know For sure, man. You know shame. I can't get up to six to seven Then come see it's not for everybody, man. But yeah, I have a I think I have a particular style You know, I kind of like try to emulate my master Hajram Achado style of jiu-jitsu, you know, like I really he really just emphasizes like Technique over strength and not hurting people and just flow. That's all I'm gonna talk about flow You're always hearing me saying be like water be like water be like water That's how I like to try to try to roll like in a tournament. It's totally different. It's a lot harder

It's a lot crazier But like yeah, a lot of my guy the guys that I train over there We try to get him that that nice flowy style, you know transition and stuff like that You're beautiful. Fuck the man. Let me give some shout outs here. Yeah, the polarizer with a new podcast my man chris hardy p penado alexander void rocky rebellion sam femeno

chris auto don wrangler And my main man the australian warrior and Dante The email gazini, you know saying I love the death. He's a fucking savage. Don't forget tonight I'm gonna be observatory in san diego. I'll be leaving here right after I fucking get out of here So I'll see you cocksuckers tonight and tomorrow night. I'm in the santa ann observatory with my main man Wheeler walker jr. Both nights fucking sunday night was fucking tremendous lee was dancing Some country girl one of those like his nuts It was like Harvey won't steam backwards. You know what I'm saying?

Go to wheel walk those great show. Thank you for thank you for having me Yeah, no, it's gonna be fucking great. It's gonna be great. I know it was great last night I can't see being any better tonight Always a fucking pleasure seeing you professor. Thanks for having me on again joy. I appreciate it People have been hitting me up when you're gonna be on the show again. Yeah. No, no, I love you on this show We took a picture. We took a nice picture yesterday. I'm gonna go to class tomorrow. All right because monday I can't go to class. I don't think I got you. I'm gonna drive to sandy, you know, I'm saying Put the pieces together. I'll see you. You know, have you seen you up in there? No, you know, I love you

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You're fucked up tonight lee. That's how high I got today You fucked up put on tony better. I love you guys. See you wednesday. See you tonight in san diego. Stay black peace out I want to be around To pick up the pieces When somebody breaks your heart Some somebody twice as smart as I I Somebody who

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From a front row seat When somebody breaks your heart like you Like you I