Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #547 - Nick Turturro

Episode Date: January 4, 2018

Nick Turturro, an actor seen in films and TV shows such as "Blue Bloods" and "Do The Right Thing," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   Blue Apron: Go to blueapron.com/JOEY to get $30 off of your first meal and free shipping!   FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.     Recorded live on 01/03/2018.

Welcome to podcastville the church of what's happening now is brought to you by Blue Apron. Blue Apron is the leading meal kit delivery service in the U.S. and while many people know what we do many don't know what types of meals you eat when you cook with Blue Apron. Like I said Blue Apron is the number one number one fresh ingredient and recipe delivery service in the U.S. what we're gonna do is this Blue Apron's gonna treat the church what's happening now to their first three meals a $30 value for your first order if you visit Blue Apron.com slash Joey check out this week's menu and get $30 off with free

shipping at Blue Apron.com slash Joey Blue Apron a better way to cook number two on it you know I'm down I'm all in what's the name of the stuff I take that to remember shit alpha brain alpha brain never fucking fails me understand me I'm a fucking savage money back guarantee if you don't like it and you don't even want the fucking product back this is what I'm talking about people who stand behind that product that's why I deal with on it number two if you're fat fuck or a little on the big side and you're thinking about joining jiu-jitsu and you want a nice ghee listen Fuji's been there for me last week I was

rolling around and some fucking big guy ripped me I thought it was the ghee it was the fucking patchy rip that's how tough fucking Fuji is you understand me Fuji Ozon the patch fell apart fuck the patch go with the ghee bitch Fuji sports.com slash church kick that fucking muley oh shit it's a church what's happened now motherfuckers the second church episode of the year we ain't fucking around here kick that muley I want this motherfucker on loud goodly

here we go you bad motherfuckers this is what it's all about yeah here we go oh yeah yeah it's David Lee motherfuckers oh shit here we go everybody wants some even Harvey the church what's happening now you bad motherfuckers everybody wants some how you guys doing uncle Joey here my favorite uncle Nick de Toro and my favorite fucking jew killer the one and only Lisa yeah you got three more days

left Lee then you could drop the guilt after the seventh year off the hook that's when the fucking three fucking people show up from Poland didn't that the three pre-show up whatever the fuck they want from Poland the three wise men whatever wise they came from Russia with a Korean listen bro number one I want to apologize to you Nick de Toro I got this big fucking you want to give me some volume over there I got this big fucking problem Nick de Toro and I hope you don't get disrespected by this I don't give a fuck what a person does with their kids if you want to come over to my house when I'm smoking pot you

and with your kid you better know number one I'm not stopping the pot because your kids there you brought them into my home fucking turf you should have known about it number two I don't care if you show up here with your kid it's other kids that make me nervous because they don't know me they get a little high they think I'm gonna get high with them next thing you know they fucking fall down they tell the mother they were Uncle Joey and I got handcuffs on on KTLA for child mother station or for giving some fucking kid reefer forgive me one kid wanted to fucking challenge you he's a fucking yeah that's what I fucking I

know that's what I didn't know I'm anti all that shit can I tell you the guy's a stoner if the fucking kids he could hang with you if the kids father calls me next time and says my foot my son's going down and I hang out with you if he dies it's on his own I know then we could bond I know these kids but they're good I understand but Nick you know the way it is now I know these kids aren't us they're sensitive what he listen I know adults that have gotten up and ran out of here you understand I know adults that have gotten up the problem is you know I hang out with a lot of these kids so I forget that's because I'm one of

the adults fucking hangs with all the promise no that's what keeps me young Nick number one you know I'm a criminal I you don't want these kids around I know I could be doing 21 are you all right you're right one of these kids each one of these takes one of these stars when I'm in the bathroom he goes home he sees the devil listen yeah Lee how many people have sat in his chair eating a star and we've seen him lay on the couch leave three or four at least one guy walked around the park packed up I'm wrong you're right no you're not wrong no I was gonna call you I should I am I am deepest apologies don't worry you

give your kid permission to come into the voodoo lounge and I shoot heroin he's gotta watch it some chick comes in here blows my pipe he's gotta watch it he's in when I was a fucking kid my godfather would pick me up every Sunday even though I beat him later on for drugs and he was one of the shoot me and shit my godfather he introduced me to it like when I was really young five four that I really needed a man in my life he would take me on Saturdays to 42nd Street we'd eat something somewhere like a burger you know I was a little fucking punk I always wanted a hamburger or a hot dog because I was trying to be an

American he would say let's go to Victor's cafe this was Victor's was Victor's yeah in the late 60s Victor's was Victor's you wanted to Victor's you bumped into Kennedy his shit with some Cuban chick you know but fucking no I wanted a hamburger and he would get kind of pissed off but while we were while I was eating a burger he'd be sitting there in 1965 68 already rolling the joint at the table and while we would walk he'd smoke the joint he'd tell me this is marijuana don't smoke when you get older and don't tell nobody you see that you saw me smoke it yeah and I would see what it do to him and then afterward he

would take me by one of his girlfriend's house like I knew his wife and shit I knew his kids I knew everybody he didn't give a fuck he'd take me to one of his bitches house and he'd make a come on he'd cheat he told I show him his tits yeah I was like five I'd be like fucking petrified my godfather he's the one that put the water on my fucking head with my father he grew up with my real fucking father this is your godfather this was my godfather and he loved me and I loved him he looked like big van dyke he had the same head do oh shit and he would take me to his girlfriend's house and he would always roll joints on

bamboo and lick the fucking joint and he'd get high and he giggle Nick the way we giggle like he would giggle when I go someday I'm gonna get old enough and smoking giggle like him cuz he would just have a good time no alcohol no nothing never she took me to see like every Saturday we went to see our majesty secret service that was the only James Bond without a James Bond I'll never forget that I got skis after that he took me to get skis and I would set up skis in my bedroom and my mom came in one day I'm scared I would set the blankets up and shit but then Dirty Harry came out he took me to the

valachi papers when I was a kid that was when going to the movie yeah going in every Saturday at one o'clock a lot of matinee on 42nd Street okay no and I didn't know the language Nick every fucking Saturday like clockwork he would knock on my door at nine take it to the movies dress me up you know get me ready brush my teeth comb my hair talk to my mom for a little on any fucking booking he wouldn't have to have me back to eight o'clock at night how old were you five six wow this had to be before my mom met my stepfather so I was when I was six so I never forget he took me to see Dirty Harry dog in the theater in

the theater and when we left there were eaten and he goes put your hand up what are you talking about it was a girl I'm out of my messa so I'm out of my messa I thought he's gonna give me cash he put a gun in my hand and I looked at it was the same gun Dirty Harry had the three the whole fucking gun I'm fucking five in the movie and I'm in a fucking restaurant in New York with him holding on to a gun like I think he's the greatest man in the world was loaded right whatever yeah it could have been loaded I don't know I was gonna touch it I just put it on my hand like this I just looked and then went wow and then he

started telling me that's the most powerful weapon in the world the blow man's head off that's the same gun in the movie and shit we tell you the same line and I gave him the gun back and it was true like that type of shit but he was my godfather it was his fucking decision do you know I'm saying yeah I would never he would never say to me bring your buddies because he knew what type of trouble I was gonna get right that's a different world the thing is I got teenage people kids you know and there's a lot of parties and parties and all these kids call me big Nick big Nick no they all they all hang with me it's

funny I almost got like an idea for a show or like a guy that hangs out with all these kind of kids so it's kind of like endearing so you know I forget I forget if I you know I love you know I just suspect alone no don't worry you know I apologize to them they'll get over when they get over worry about their dad's call me than they have over they come if you listen if you're a young kid you want to come over here show up with a slip with your dad's signature and his phone number and we'll call them while you're standing time we'll do the paperwork and I want his number to come up on the fucking caller ID or this

ain't happening I'm one of those fucking I'm just lucky nothing's happened you know I've had a lot of parties and kids do what they do and take the child joy I mean you know I try to be careful thank God not gonna happen because these kids that I'm responsible you know so I'm not trying to be negligent I got dreams I got dreams and they don't include comedy and they don't include fucking films I envy your life because I would love to have a clean police record so I could coach a girl's basketball team from six to eight that's where I would take a girl and that's when they're fucked up a little bit their

dads ain't around you coach a girl you treat them the right way they're set for fucking life you're that coach for life they'll come back and see you every fucking year or the other dream I have is to start a program for kids where every day a different parent has to come out of the house and they close off the street like we grew up in New York and it's Monday to Friday black parties and the kids could come out and there's a football basketball a wiffle ball and you have to do everything yeah but you're not in that fucking house neck I know but there's that world it doesn't exist doesn't exist anymore that's a

dream for me to go we used to play pole to pole my mother was on the porch Tommy Henry's mother was down the block Louis Alvario's mother was on the other qualms just name and names and a span of like two three blocks everything happened and your mother if she wanted you she just called for the porch and it was a beautiful world you know I mean I just the way I grew up was like we weren't rich with money but we were rich with so many other things like my brother didn't have the same experience about the neighborhood I grew up and so he's like well you like that neighbor you like he was always artistic and I

think he always thought he was better than that neighborhood but it was a beautiful place I mean when I go back it's gone I feel sad I went by it and I'm like wow you know you feel sad because you remembered the world that was here there was a world there now it looks smaller it looks different it looks like wow everybody's gone it's like the Twilight Zone I remember that world but it's gone and you want me to say something before this again no disrespect to you we're talking about your son we're talking about that you know he went to Chicago he gave a semester and he gave you and Nicky's a great kid I know that

poor kids and he was five he loves you he's a fucking tremendous kid he's got tons of talent he does his own rap you know I think I follow him on Twitter yeah DJ yeah so but hi there's something there and this goes back to what I'm fucking telling you like my friend right now who I love dearly has got a kid there's little men some more but they got heavy loot yeah so they put him away at some school with six people in the class and they pay a lot of loot and the kid come home and now they want to send them to some weird city and I sit there at night thinking about wait a second this kid the most excitement he's ever

seen in his life is Laurel King you know if you stay on the corner Laurel King see those cars go back and forth that's action to him right that's how we do the action yeah and I'm not trying to be sarcastic I'm being fucking realistic here so how you gonna put that candy how long till socially and the pressures of that city those cars doing 90 because I'm 55 and I grew up there and I go back to the new comedy and I don't like standing on the corner nigga got anxiety my heart starts beating I can't fucking breathe I live here now right this is the lifestyle I know I get you but how can you grow up I'm gonna

throw you in Chicago I know you grew up with three black kids here and their names are fucking you know and they stuck them on a 21 year old kid which he could you know that's not right why isn't he with an 18 year old it's a kid robs them and that was the whole issue and then the kid wouldn't admit it he had to get the proof and I'm like at least just say yeah I stole the $50 or whatever and we can move on and so that was bad enough the guy's robbing from him and you know it's the Midwest it's Chicago's a nice city but it's also very but the kids are flying in and they come from a kept society you know lead you

remember a time when kids play on the street in your in your youth it's a messed up because of my I grew up on a busier street kind of but not really it's I grew up on when I came from Cuba Lee I was on 205 West 88 Street it don't get no busy remember your address give me your address 205 West 88 Street 243 Day Show 632nd Avenue okay Rose Hill New York P.S. 160 motherfucking 6 P.S. 38 and then say okay okay those names all that shit I remember okay so I remember my street I remember my mother coming up to me remember your phone number your home phone number no I still don't remember LA 8 3703 what a number steal your identity

Nick oh shit I shouldn't have said that that's right we'll have to admit it we'll all right that's fake don't listen like I think about how how can it be how can this how can these kids be prepared to be put in a big city where the most action they've seen is Ventura Boulevard it's not fair now you're right you're right I mean he you know he knows New York but I think Chicago felt a little weird to him like when I left I had a weird feeling in my stomach like I don't know if this is gonna work I'm just not but he has to take a shot that's all that matters listen that's the most important fucking thing you know it's not

the worst thing I have a friend that's flipping out right now the wife is flipping out and he's told her he's like thank God I dropped out of college I wouldn't have all this well he's not dropping out he just don't want to go to school no he goes I went for two semesters and I had a hard time and I got a job and I ended up in Hollywood and now I'm a fucking right and that's how we live up in the canyons with a butler named fucking Jojo right you know I'm saying you know we got a fucking lady who lives next door to wipe the kids ass I mean these people filthy fucking rich doing well and the wife the

wife gets pissed whatever the fuck we're talking about you know the women of I mean you know oh no we're talking about the kid I'm sorry oh my kid no not you know this other kid dude's kid yeah the kid came back came back and he's like well if I didn't have these issues I wouldn't have been here but they we spent all of them and they went for fucking a lot they bought the car and how to transport it the building they got they got they got the cabbage right oh yeah this is just a bad day for them this is like a bad day it's not like you know yeah no then nobody lost them no no no these schools are a lot of money

and you take out loads of stuff if your heart ain't in it you don't think you're getting something out of it even the school didn't even say well why are you leaving my brother even said did they say why are you gonna go no so that's a bad sign they should say well you know well don't give it a little more time or you try to convince you that shows you right there people go to this school they leave left and right that their turnover is bad he said they're cash poor so maybe just was a bad fit you know he wanted to work out I mean you know this fucking school down the corner here Valley College Tip Top Magoo

nobody gets their feelings hurt and he still gets spaghetti on Wednesday fuck that you go two years you do good how you save money figure out what you actually want to do with your life think about all the aggravation that you would have fucking saved you to stay at home with your mother me oh you still kind of got your dick sucked in the basement down by the garbage can nobody you know I'm saying take all the fucking aggravation of millions you could have put away if you just would have stayed and shut your fucking mouth I know you could have shot NYPD blue and flown home and live with grandma and go to the

church on Sundays and still get your little staminco your son confessional and nobody knows nothing those days nobody's gonna come at you with a tape from 1984 and say we ate your ass in a fucking bingo hall you know it's pretty tough to hide a cat with a bingo hall I would have just done that man I'd get married the first time forget it Jesus Christ if we would have saved a lot of money I want you all to take five minutes if you just stayed in the fucking basement and socked away your millions you dumb fuck doing that if my mother was alive I'd be in that fucking basement with a playboy bunny picture up

jerking off I wouldn't even look at a woman you understand me I'd be living there off mom's bosom getting that getting those good Cuban food with some fried bananas I would not leave their fucking house fed clothes listen free rent when I was 21 I'd poison my father just on principle just to take over no I'm saying like if I was a normal kid from a normal house and I had one of those moms that baked and rubbed your feet and shit when you got home and called your sonny boy do you want me to bring you up the meal I would have poisoned my father you know I'm saying I would have got really old matter taken

over this shit let the pension take care of mortgage let the life insurance take care of mortgage have you thought this out Joey no but this is what I would do if I was a normal white kid why suffer through all this fucking life just poison your father and take over the house he's got a pension he's got everything prepared you know all these white people you know we've got everything in case he leaves gone for bed they show you where it is both of my parents have taken me and show me where their stuff is where what stuff is all their stuff when it happens they take you as soon as it turned 50 they start

telling you where they're like the wills and tell me where there's no just in case I got some people up there you say the burial pots don't just tie your mother up and take the loot it's it worries me bro I sit here and I go what am I gonna do with my daughter I'm gonna raise the studio city all right right well she's gonna be a Harvey victim no yeah they'd go it's either Harvey or listen there's always a Jew to replace you know I'm saying how old is she she's fine but I see pictures of her with you and it's it's so funny this because I've never seen you in person with her but it's adorable just to see

that little girl with you you know I just like to think of you with a little girl five years it doesn't even like I can't compute in my head you know like Joey Coco walking on with a five-year-old girl but it's it's the best when you know these years let me tell you you got a few years yet before she starts to get a little complicated please she's five and she already like today she don't want to kiss me what's the problem I'm playing I like fucking put a gun to it like listen you don't fucking kiss me there's no skateboard on your birthday then she kissed me she goes I'm gonna miss you when you go and she

knows how to work it yeah oh she does they work at the affair early they figure it out they she puts her against my mom my wife yeah oh yeah she knows how that fucking double-tracked my wife and go as daddy daddy said it was all right and then she'll come in and look at me like frozen and then the other day something happened I had her at the park it was just me and her and something happened and she threw a little Puerto Rican fit at me and had to grab it by the hand and go listen you know me I'm not mom we'll leave right the fuck now and she calmed down and I gave her the tissue and when my wife pulled up and I

will later as my wife was parking she looked at me she was dad don't tell mom I threw a fit okay she said that oh yeah yeah she knows she knows she's smart huh yes yeah but she knows how to play ball to you yeah she already figured out daddy but yeah I heard I was in my office there that's how my wife mommy I'm gonna sleep with you tonight daddy said it was okay if I slept with you tonight she asked me if she could sleep with me and I said listen you can sleep with us maybe like this weekend that's what I said she was working my wife my wife came in and asked me I said no I said tell her what I told you you said

I like my sister night of this weekend I said no no this weekend nothing about wants to sleep in the bed yeah so we give her like one night a week like Sunday's his family night it's a fucking nightmare it's a fucking nightmare I sleep with a foot in my kidney on that I wake that's only one night one night a week she sleeps my daughter was good yeah my son was a nightmare that guy would make sneak attacks for years that's why I said he didn't grow some fucking guy never slept came in every night for years I'd see a silhouette jump out of bed and there he was sneaking in I try to make a fucking move on the one on her

and then my arm it's him in the middle I couldn't get him out of my bed for many many years there's a problem this fucking guy took over my bed took he took her I felt like you know I felt like a third wheel yeah even today still jumping in the fucking bed teasing me I drag him out of the fucking bed he's always getting under my skin now he likes the bottom and we're close but just now he's relentless and you know what bro but he loves his mother I'm happy he's home because that's a nightmare for me I don't even like my cat out of the house like if my cat was one of those cats that you had let out at night yeah I

can't sleep at night every night I was always a little worried yeah listen I'm the type of dude if I like you and you live close to me I won't tell you this but every now and then drive home I drive by house I drive by Lee's house every night you don't know it I either drive down that side street when I go smoke a joint or either drive back on Laurel Kangan and make a right on your corner and come home well that's the type of guy yeah saying you always check yeah of course on people so I mean you don't want to get a call one day you know it's bad enough anything can happen anyway I can't fucking imagine my

child and others like me living here being fucking 70 it's a little weird and mercy living in New York fighting for a fucking life me thinking about the Korean that fucking button that's bad enough you think about the Korean hitting the button if you go to New York and I said it before and I grew up there I love New York with all my heart but let me tell you something you go to New York and you could you could smell bomb you can smell bomb you could just it's inevitable they're not gonna stop till they take down that fucking city they're not gonna stop and they're building on top of people they're

building in Jersey building on edge water they're fucking they put in building I love it but it looks like you know so that show all that shit get I can't sleep at night just thinking that be like hurry my friend Ari losing New York if I get up in the middle of night I always call because it's five in the morning and fucking New York I'm gonna just see you because he's one of those night that city is just it's a target you look at it you always say you're right just even though even after the trade center it's just looming like you know it could happen again someday something could happen I still remember

being in the city at the time they hit the first the first time they hit the World Trade Center I was on like Broadway and I was delivering packages for a phone company I mean the first the first bombing the first bombing in 93 94 I remember I had a pager in those days the guy with my job was from one to five I give 400 a week and I had a certain coverage every day and I had a drop-off packages and that coverage right drop off six packages and all they sometimes they drove me up to the fucking place and all I had to do is run upstairs on the fucking elevator sign the thing and drop off the package there was some type of

phone messaging service they got bought by Sprint or something years later they were on them they were out of Virginia they were big I forget who the fuck they weren't out and they were giving me 400 a week just to drop off packages every fucking day down a low you know all around and I had a pager and for some reason the pager stopped working because somebody told me they were gonna call me now and this person always called me and I fucking said fuck I'm not gonna wait the city all afternoon for them to call me back I guess I'm done for the day and I took the fucking bus over and I knew the World Trade Center

had been hit but I guess they hit the tower so there was no reception for a bunch of people I didn't know this shit though later that that's why my pager they had been paging me I just wasn't getting no pages because they had knocked down something signal yeah I still remember that I still remember being the city that fucking day so what had happened the second time I was in fucking straight I was in Hollywood Boulevard and I was in the Jersey Shore and a friend called me and he said I was gonna fly that we too ironically he was the tour you were you home I was yeah it was why I turn the TV on you

we're at war or some shit and I said war I had a bad fight to at home the night before man a bad drag down I don't know there's nothing over some stupid shit and then it turned the TV on look like a little toy it was coming right through I didn't know what the fuck I was looking at you know in the plane it went right through the second man here's just surreal fucking surreal and then I think about a week later a week or two later I drove back cross-country I fucking drove back I got mistaken I got mistaken in Walmart for a terrorist one time me and me and this guy gave my Filipino cousin all right after that crazy white

one for two months a terrorist she goes it was tough what the fuck I thought I wish it was a warm white employee because I said I could sue Walmart they were accusing me of being a terrorist on the drive back yeah in the drive back I stopped like in Kansas I stopped in all these places I went to baseball stadiums I was driving a fucking Toyota Sequoia and I was pulling a fucking little U-Haul it said you could go about 45 mile an hour with the U-Haul I was doing about 90 that fucking U-Haul I pulled into these baseball stadiums right and the problem was parking the motherfucker with the U-Haul yeah with the U-Haul is

attached to the it's attached to the car why didn't you leave the U-Haul at the hotel I was carrying stuff back from Jersey in their U-Haul and and so I pulled in the fucking parking lot then I'd have to attach the U-Haul and put the U-Haul in one spot and a Sequoia in another and one time man whatever the Baltimore Orioles told me it's very ugly you I said well what do you want me to do to go you go park it somewhere else so you can't be driving a U-Haul look in the way you do two weeks after 9-11 I was the fucking that is the funniest fucking funny shit what time do you hold I you know I disconnected it it started

fucking going down in Kansas City it started like going down the road I was grabbing it almost it weighed a lot of weight in heavy yeah fucking heavy oh it was hysterical I mean only a guy like me would be driving cross country with a U-Haul and a Toyota Sequoia and stopping at Major League Baseball stop in a Kansas City I stopped in in Camden Yards I stopped in Coorsfield they stopped to where else did I stop Pittsburgh you know I was doing my baseball tour but just a thought that's a lady yeah did they stop you days oh no it was the woman it was there she was a customer and she was looking at my Gabe

who's Filipino and me warm dog so I can be mistaken for an Iranian at times or anything game who the fuck knows Gabe is like fucking for his gum that's my right-hand man he was like Nick I'm just with terrorists I was like Gabe stop it he's like the fucking rain man Gabe is like the fucking very highly functioning you know all right it's a lot he's fucking hilarious man just trying to express myself fucking great game you're like he watches me watching the Yankee games so he's a seahawk friend so now like when he watches the seahawk games you like came like me like watching the Yankee games because it likes to curse

now because he feels like you know he can express himself better listen I love Lisa yeah he's my brother loved the debt I love breaking his balls you know and we're in Vegas the funniest fucking thing happens no you know in life you go out and like I'd have five friends when I hung out like when I was at 19 let's pretend 1982 I had Pelican stinky me and fucking Ferney that was the four of us I knew each of our limitations and I knew who was capable of doing who and what at any minute you know stinky was the type of guy that he loved everything we did but

he didn't want to hold anything so you know what he'd pay you for the coke but he didn't want to hold it he was just one of those dudes I rather than hold it right Ferney on the other hand would strap a fucking donkey on to him and walk across the border like nothing happened you know and and and the other fucking little tick Roger he'd do anything like he was just crazy so when when things happen when those guys are around nothing surprises you do you understand you know those cruel people that you grew up with right that you really know I really got to know Lee and he's a sweetheart of a guy and we're

in Las Vegas right and the star guy comes right the guy you know and he shows up and we're having a good time it's after a show in Vegas it's got to be 400 people 200 people leave and there's actually 200 people standing around and we're just talking but there's 10 bags of those things going around and people are just fucking eating them and the hallway of this hotel in fucking Las Vegas like it's popcorn at a movie theater and I'm looking at this scene going holy shit this is hysterical and the next thing you know I see a security guard run up and he just like points at Lee and I'm

like and I'm talking to like people I'm trying to be nice I just can't leave the people I'm trying to pay attention to the people but the same time see what's going on with Lee and next thing you know Lee's almost going to get arrested because the cameras saw him giving somebody a star so they escorted him to his room took his fucking made him get dressed and they escorted him out of the whole fucking criminal whatever they made him you know whatever he was dressed they made him get undressed whatever the fuck but he's banned from the hotel for life listen I understand you tell Lee can't come back for six

months but really banned for life I mean it's medical marijuana if you really took a look at it was it legal yeah but who cares you got guys over here try to rob your hotel you know I'm saying right you have to expect this hotel that when you go to the palms you smell weed in the hotel at the palms if you check into the palms of your kids and you call downstairs and go excuse me I don't know what to do it's a horror show is this the palms yeah I got a stripper saying daddy don't fuck me in the ass next door to me huh I got people in the hallway snorting cocaine and and I got people next door playing the guitar you

know when you're at the palms bro it's a hotel for kids of the 21 to 25 26 they go to the club in there they pop ecstasy and they're right in the fucking hotel there's a section there for young kids where they jump up and down I don't know if it's the palms anymore but fear I was telling the story the other day that one time there was gonna be a UFC fight there this had to be before I was even married before I was even with Terry I used to go to this place dukes for breakfast every day that's how I got to be 418 pounds I would snort coke at night and go to Duke's for breakfast on the Sunset Strip and I go to every day

and get a fucking three egg omelette with American cheese and extra American cheese and steak fries for breakfast in the side order of bacon and Coca-Cola Jack nothing but you bring that diet over here by mistake there's gonna be a fucking beat in here and if you look to the count you know what dukes is I've heard around the Sunset Strip next to that rock bar the real for the whiskey yeah yeah but a whiskey man and if you go in there I would go in there for fucking days or week and this is after I would eat breakfast at my where I was living or these are the days when I used to eat when I was living go to McDonald's and

get an egg McMuffin and with the hash brown and drink the soda and I would go to my buddy's house smoke dope and we go over there like a 945 10 o'clock and I get the cheese on that that was my third breakfast with the steak fries and I look over to the side there's your boy he would be in there four days a week hanging out with a beard talking to people at the counter fucking John Wilk what's his name John Wick he would be there he would be in that day four nights four days then and fucking nicer than fucking shit till this day I think about that and I go Jesus fucking Christ and I never said

nothing to him till like after about a year I finally said hello to him or something on the way out one day he had the newspaper and I would sit on the counter I was made by myself I didn't have to say hello but I said it you know I'm saying yeah I didn't take a picture of him I didn't bother the poor guy he had a beard longer hair he didn't leave bro when you see him in the daytime you don't look like no fucking Hollywood model he's just a regular guy you know saying right so I saw him and I had nothing but I saw him there a bunch of time but there was a waitress there they used to work there wish which you

wouldn't miss America contest not really but she had nice body she was a sweet girl she was very nice and I always thought that she was a little over flirtatious that was my breakfast place of choice so I never really said nothing to her I'd smile and leave a nice tip and leave well on this particular night I go to the palm so we're rogueling those dudes and dog I'm not doing blow I'm doing blow but I have some upstairs in the room and for some reason I just wasn't moved to do it roguing those guys Eddie Bravo want to go to a bar but on the walk to the bar and the palms with all those people walking in the hallways

you know how they fucking thousands of people I saw the waitress from Dukes that I've been eating breakfast at for a year that's kind of fucking cute I never really said nothing to I always knew she was right could have been a freak this confirmed it but there was so many people nick that we got to see each on the last moment and hit each other's hand and she said that you stand here and I go yeah I'll see you later we kept walking I was like that's fucking weird and I went up to my room bro took a shower got high and went to bed well I woke I went to bed like a 10 30 mm I woke up like a 4 15 the morning I'm

fucking starving you know right I said fuck it let me walk downstairs I walk downstairs bro and it was like a fucking pick them you know just you would I would I sat there for breakfast neck and there was a chick by herself drinking champagne and as soon as she saw me she toasted the glass to me and I was like holy shit that's a hooker I don't even know you gonna look I don't know I don't know what's going on bro next thing you know some other chick came in and started talking to a bunch of guys next thing on another drunk chick came in with a shoe busted started talking to another chick came up and sat at the

table neck and started talking to me do you know we get some coke honey and this bitch was banging and I was like I don't know nothing and next thing you know guess who walks in who the waitress from fucking Dukes and she sees me she comes right over to the table we start talking I asked her she was she's a little fucked up I get down and she wants to get high absolutely go up to the room we finish off the two salutes and then what I eat a monkey and that's it that's good then two weeks later I got an omelet from her you got why an omelet because she was the waitress at all we get on with this had

to be 20 fucking years ago wow 19 years ago it was got a good memory boy what was the point of the fucking story anyway I don't know there was a point there was a point I'm fucking so lost lately you know for a moment I don't know if it's the age I can't remember from moment to moment I just walk around take a shit you wipe your ass you get up you're like what do I do I forget I have my hat I forget this I forget that it's just my fucking brain is just not sharp do you not write anything down I gotta start right I'm starting to write shit down because I'm gonna have on it send you a thing an

alpha brain and maybe need to smoke a little pot to get the fucking mental I don't really smoke weed but that's the problem you gotta get them good I got them good shit I got some medical shit is that but they give to you before they take an eye yeah before they kill you that they leave you out of charity the guy why are they gonna take his eyes for charity Joey you know these fucking more eyes they're gonna dig your grave do you like yeah listen you leave your eyes that's let's say on the back of your license you say I want to leave my eyes you leave

your eyes or your ears or something listen if you're three-quarters dead they just have you alive be the momo I saw it is one of these you ever watch real sports one of these shows where the guy I'm fucking kidding you know this guy left don't don't kill you alive when you live because they'll take your let's say you know what the eyeballs are in the black market eight thousand like right now there's somebody gonna listen he's blind he's like listen I want some nice Jew eyes that's all I've ever wanted I got a fucking implant anyway I got one implant so listen what was I got to do with the joy I don't know some Jew

wants an eye right and fucking Arabia somewhere he wants to he wants two eyes and some poor Jews driving on the street and fucking sunset and he gets hit side wiped and now he's in the hospital he's a half a schmo you a donor no cuz I'm scared cuz let's say if you're a half a momo and you got three-quarters left of life and they can't find your wallet or your phone for you to call your loved one don't just look around and go pst hit them in the head and somebody comes over and puts a hand over your mouth like Clemenza really oh fuck yeah they take your eyes next you know what they do you know

there's a black dude in Africa with your eyes no way he's just got him fucking federal there on ice yeah what the fuck do you think they do with your eyes they wait till you die fuck no who wants someone to die you never seen that episode of law and order when the guy just said stab them no like there's an episode about law and order pretty interesting and they had a case on them and they were losing the case so the fucking DA said dig deeper and finally some chicks said I got a confession to make I went to him for an abortion and when the baby came out it was still alive and he asked me what he wanted to do

when I told him to terminate him and he basically turned around and snapped his fucking neck so this connect them to this other crime that he did yeah you don't know and order fucking throw some he they do and they base it off real stories Lee they just changed the names yeah but they used the story in the plot more exciting and this is no no no no no so what this good doctor did was he already had ordered the anesthesia for the fucking patient at a certain time he had to go to the pharmacy and take the anesthesia out he lied so they asked them why would you have the anesthesia if they weren't dead they got him that

way through something he checked out came back to kick him in the ass which proves that fuck it he had a deal with a clinic that needed eyeballs quick so if he delivered the eyeballs quickly got a bonus oh really yeah so that's why he fucking would just stab people was he Puerto Rican when he married um he's one way he lives with his mother stab him yeah and they stab you next thing you know he got hit by a car and then he was laying there some ISIS came and stabbed him I saw a beam and ran away and there you are thinking somebody stabbed you and next you know your mom's touching your face and she goes to

open up your eyeball and there's fucking the back of your skull and she goes up into his eyes we took those out he's a donor he checked the box that's how fucking quick don't you remember he is on 60 minutes they did a thing about women who would fucking lure you in Las Vegas and they would take it to a hotel room and you would be fucking them next thing you know you'd wake up in a tub filled with ice and they leave a note on you to call hotel security again ambulance that they took your kidneys they took your kidneys dog they would fucking dope you and while you were fucking sleeping they would take

your fucking kidney a kidney he's one kidney whatever you can live with one right yeah you can supposedly they would take your kid I don't want to take your kid bro they would take your kidney stitch you back up put you in the tub fill it up with ice leave you on ice and you woke up with a fucking note going listen don't go nowhere oh my god look it up Lee true story at least they left a note there was a scam going on for a couple years finally either they caught them or they couldn't find them because the people taking your kidney and going right to the airport they had the flight plan and like your kidney was on ice by

5 they won us flight to Switzerland by 7 a.m. bye bye and your kidneys on a bag with ice around it oh my god fucking crazy shit they do it's like human trafficking yeah it's the same thing man somebody's really rich and they need something you want years ago when I first moved here I auditioned for a show for show time and I went all the way to producers and I want to begin some names and it was this show they cancelled that for the first season because it was also based on true stories and one of the episodes was a dude that was filthy rich that lived like in Texas and how is his go finder I was like his pseudo

bodyguard but go for him in a shot he got a claim it was they got like really great reviews I was like episode 8 I was really excited about it I was like critical it was like people really liked it it was different this episode was about a guy who was filthy rich had more money than God but couldn't get his dick hard because he needed a kidney all he wanted was kidneys so this guy's job was to bring them different people and say what about him and he would go he looks kind of a roast you know I'm looking for a guy that's a little bit more uppity I want some uppity kidneys you know saying like the guy was very

eccentric and there was a same scam this guy had 30 days to live and he had so he had millions of dollars and all he wanted was a kidney match but everybody who they brought him was wrong I forget how the episode ended because it was fucking 30 fucking years ago you know I've spoken down the pot since then but yeah it was about those type of people that that's what they did well did you find anything like that for there's some stuff at hospitals but they're saying at least nope says the bathtub one isn't real something with a I'm telling you something with a bathtub you'd wake up with a note your kidneys gone

medical shit is crazy any man I just had my knee operated and how do you feel about you know when you get an operation it's crazy any man it's just like you know the anesthesia everything you gotta remember it's a different world today and neck it really isn't I know this fucking guy left me in pain and then he left for Cabo and he was making out with a chick I said and I like the doctor I told him you left me in agony and meanwhile you're on a beach making out I couldn't get a hold of you for a week I was screaming he was giggling his ass off he loves me he's a good guy he's good good surgeon but you know they just

operate they don't tell you what you're what you're in for you know it's why you had a bad tan man I had to go in there and clean it up you know and even now a month later I'm sore as shit bro they don't talk to you and I learned that after my first knee surgery but they do refer you for physical therapy that's what I'm doing now and you got to go to the physical therapy you gotta be there all the fucking time and it's tough to get appointments no because you got to contend with other people by the time you fucking get me in you know he got me in the guy likes me yeah they basically get you in there yeah and by the time you

get in there you can't miss the appointment then they like you and you listen to them and you do the homework yeah they give you the homework they give you a second visit no and then they put you in the rotation but since you're not like a big shot yeah you got to show up there at 515 in the morning to be on a bicycle spinning on a fucking ball for 30 they got me walking down the hallway yeah they got you doing a bunch of shit a bunch of shit so my brother I must up for this job with my brother he's like well fiction me fiction me because you gotta Skype I'm like what the fuck this Skype got to do with my knee this guy's

out of his mind he's got a fiction me because then you had a Skype like I gotta fix my knees so I could Skype I don't want to say nothing to him but that's my brother he's just he's so crazy in a way he thinks yeah you know you gotta fix your knee because then you got a Skype like a fucking Skype I could Skype without fixing my knee you know I mean my knee wasn't that bad but it was bothering me in bed I don't know I'm fucking now my sons bother me on it did you Skype yet did you Skype I don't know I'm not yet Skype your ass that's right because I might have to ride a horse I might do this project in Italy

so it might be kind of cool I never worked over there overseas Nick that's all I hated all that shit I refuse to go to the dentist I hate the dentist I refuse to go to doctors you ever have a dry socket what's that in your eyeball oh no it's after the light I had a guy pull my tooth and it was oh one of the worst fucking pains and the guy couldn't see it it was almost like death and they couldn't see that I had a dry socket but it's it's it's an infection you can get after an extraction you don't ever want to get one it's really bad it feels like death and then you know oh you had a dry socket I never felt such a

headache even I was in New York I was screaming with pain because the guy fucked around my tooth he couldn't get my tooth out just fucking around when I tried to pull it trying to pull it and and then that's how I developed that dry socket and a years ago you would get gas they put a mask on your face gas mask I hated that I was always close to fall because I hated putting a big mask on my mind make you pass out yeah yeah and make you real you'd see you'd see the heads like 2,000 feet high I didn't go fucking hallucinating I'm gonna be as honest I can with you the last the dentistry has up their game also and

you know me dog I will complain I go to those places to complain so I don't have to go back and I gotta be honest with you I'll give you a hundred bucks if you tell me that shit hurts anymore but dentists don't hurt no more not as much I go over here into the corner this Armenian dude dog they fucking take the Armenian cocaine they put it inside your gum I just went 10 days ago the day after Christmas I was there 26 for a fucking cat right over here you go in there she's the nicest lay in the world right they coke you up eight in the morning I went that takes balls for a guy like me cuz that's my fainting zone

I still haven't woken up yet right I live to faint you know that oh really I can't see needles I don't like people with needles coming around pass out I'll take needles but it's got to be on my terms I got to show up early I want to get it out of the way because the more I think about I'm gonna go down so 10 I'm not gonna give you blood like Ralph Cramden yeah don't give me blood at the 10 o'clock one in the afternoon is not gonna work you want my blood I gotta see at 8 30 quick dick Magoo I want to get it out of the way because I'm gonna go down and then I don't want to fuck up my day so I bring the iPod with me the

iPad whatever the fuck it is the music yeah I put the speakers on and there's one song I listen to every time I was like oh yeah come over by Santana I put my arm out and I keep it right here right and while I wait I keep taking it to the start that I must listen to it 20 times before the needle comes in my arm I just keep clicking the thing like a retard as soon as it goes down down down sour tickety-dee as soon as that goes I click it by back and the black lady the black lady puts the fucking tube around my arm and I keep clicking it clicking it click it until she she fucking puts my arm down and I

don't feel nothing I gotta be honest in the last three years one lady mr. vein and that fucking killed me when I got the surgery for my nose that morning was decked would you have a sinus yeah they cleaned out the old Cobrax I got them chiseled out of there yeah listen I better now you can see the four presidents you look at my nose you can see the four presidents have you got Nicole and Oscar be a what's that oh when they put the camera you did it yeah tremendous how'd you come out all right I'm here sitting talking to you knock on when you do it because I'm about 18 months ago I did it when I turned 50

Lee drove me yeah Lee drove what you do you do the twilight did you do the the tube in your asshole no I know what you take twilight for the no anesthesia I put you to sleep listen I don't know I don't ask questions you do the proper listen I look at the doctor go we all right here we're not all right I really told somebody what your name and your phone number is so if I come out of here and not a night before you had a cleanse yes tremendous how was that that's that rough won't listen for fucking Gentiles it was the roughest night of my life all right listen what do you drink you drink some cement give

you some shit you mix it with water and you sit six feet from the toilet you put the remote there you tell your wife you give her the 50 you tell her to go and go go hotel and find yourself a hotel times do you go you go about first you go lightly right well we got to talk about the first okay so let's say it's bleed drove me at five in the morning oh my god no because I just had a mind was at 6 a.m. right so it's 12 hours before the surgery yeah drink the drink it so six o'clock but people don't know for you young motherfuckers when you turn 50 you get two fucking letters in the mail you get one from your insurance telling

you that you have to come in for a colonoscopy and you play stupid you take that letter and you rip it up because you hear Oscar P and you know Colin and you know there's a finger coming in the ass because I've been getting the finger in the ass twice a year for years now yeah I'm like you I got the sagging shirt I use that thing yeah I ain't scared of hearing about syndrome no no no no no no no I don't know what about there's no bowels and years ago a guy turned me upside down that's another word for a listen I got a problem taking shits all that can't stop taking shits we'll call it it was about sister now there's no

one else what they fucking told it when we were kids you they gave you brioche I know you with the water you're right it was like cement without the coloring it's good but and two hours later boom and if that didn't work prune juice a la carte prune juice fucking eight got eight out of the class of prune juice within one hour you were sitting in the tub holding on to your stomach crying you remember the fucking Gerritol Gerritol the pink I love that wasn't pink it was like dark I could drink that shit all day long I wanted to drink that Gerritol I could drink that shit there was something else I liked as a kid that I was

addicted to I'm even the first time I drank chocolate milk as the Bosco I'm a Bosco like a motherfucker I love Bosco like regular milk for a long time you had to make a decision between Bosco quick Bosco quick I was a quick dude once I went to strawberry I was more of a Bosco guy once it went with strawberry I had a jumpy quick for a while then I went back to fucking Bosco then I stopped drinking chocolate milk who gives a fuck you like those egg creams did you like vanilla that's my fucking best I know how to make that no what what do you think I mean I know I know I make those I used to make those I get because I'll

just what I'll usually do a cream what I'll do is and I don't like them with fucking what I make them with I ain't put now I put Hershey syrup and a little bit of milk you gotta get the oobettes you bets it's you be yes that's the best I'm a Hershey's guy you understand all right I go with the oobettes I put two inches of chocolate because I like it sweet right I put two inches of real milk or if I'm feeling fucking on the light side right I got a thing of heavy cream if you're gonna go deep you might as well go in like narcos you know I'm saying yeah I'll stare that motherfucker up real fast you gotta start with the

seltzer bug as I'm putting the seltzer in no I know listen my first experience in that whole world my mom had a drug my mom was partners in the dry cleaner because it was a bookie operation upstairs yeah and it was on Tremont Avenue in the Bronx in the Bronx and 30 yards from the dry cleaners it was called quality cleaners and 30 yards from there there was those cornered places they used to put rat Italian ice throw this three colored one yeah and put sprite on it and stir it up yeah when I was a kid I drink I drink two of those the fucking dad was your fucking they make you run for hours

oh yeah nothing like a good lemon ice or a good fresh ice I mean back then I mean you know I love all that shit and those egg creams I could drink the problem here is you go to Jerry's Deli won four dollars for an egg cream I know they make it like shit and you look at them and go are you fucking serious you people are thieves 450 for 450 yeah I can make egg creams for four fucking days for me and Lee for days and Rob you're blind we can make a cream Rob you're blind for fucking days that's crazy really if 450 is what it caught 450 is a you who I'm down the fucking milk and you can make it for yourself club so the

little milk and to get the fucking new bet here's like who bet where the fuck you gonna find who bet you can find it where it is some suit and some markets where not here yes where you found it here I'll tell you well yeah I know where to find it you can find it at the Uncle Bernie's is a deli right by my house they sell it who bets yeah you you bet I'm gonna check on that shit I got you I still in the first about the best hot dog in New York I had one couple of months ago I was in Brooklyn I had a fucking subred understand I'm a subred guy since the day amazing subred in the water with the smusted in sauerkraut so

simple it's the best fucking hot dog going down at seaside right down at seaside park what is our car so crowd is like cabbage would clear yeah you know that you're Jewish don't I know I've never had down in seaside park there was a guy that was there since Jesus left Chicago he gave me eight sad breaths for 20 bucks oh my god he'd make the spice he'd get the sad breath chili but dope it up he opened up spicy chili important so it was chili mustard with onions with the fucking I can eat eight of those on any given Sunday yeah no those subreds go down nice I can eat eight of those and they would love them we have they're

just standing up standing up outside talking shit to the boys give them another round like the way people drink cocktails but I could sit with you and Lee with Lee and Nick right now in 70 degree weather stone to the guild talking to each other oh no you want a dog yet just like that and we're headed to a place to eat a fucking that's the best when you're actually headed to a place to eat a meal you bump into a sad break guy and the dogs two dogs the dogs are on fire because you know there's gonna be traffic you know there's gonna be drama and also you go you know what guys let's get a dog just in case there's

traffic is I'm fucking stop just to hold me over I don't make it the long night and the guys like you got dogs yeah I just came out you wouldn't me I just came out the buns are nice and hot and he gives you that first one he takes that stick and he puts that mustard and he puts those fuck tremendous you tell him give me let me get a can of coke with you like Nathan still and he gives no I'm not a big Nathan's a separate guy I had to make a choice and I went with Sabra you grabbed that fucking can with the napkin if they got class they give you a napkin for the hot dog and they give you a napkin for the can that's old

school class that's right and you open up the fucking can and you bite into the hot dog and that onion mixes with that fucking mushroom and you could put a nice fucking cream soda oh my god I'm a Coca-Cola type of dude I like coke I'm always I'm not me I like I'm a coke I want some more cream so I would never switch governments and if I had a I get an orange drink was my second choice like oh like a motherfucker but I stole my Coca-Cola and no catch up no catch up then he don't even have catch up if he's a real hot dog man no he won't have catch up real New York hot dog dude no no old school catch up as an insult to

the hot it is it is see just throw the hot dog all these people out here all getting on my no no no listen they're programmed to give it to the kids in the school you can't compete I told my wife don't bring the no catch up out cuz I'll stab you in the neck I'm with a dog catch up for the hamburger and she has for the fucking catch up I almost died but she's five she don't understand maybe by the time she's a like a talker into being a civilian fucking subred man some dog no that's my buddy has one can't get him out here that he's thinking my buddy can get listen I get the car for 25 grand the license but the pot and the

thing is out of jail the problem is you got to buy everything from sad bread out of Jersey they send it to you that's why they send you the hot dogs the buns the chili go online Lee but you got to get everything from there yeah look what they have online they mail it right to your house I wonder if it's worth it but fuck yeah it's worth it you mean to sell it to have a stand to do whatever the fuck you want with it that's what I would like to do look up sad bread calm look at everything you fucking need and print it up on the screen here you know you know what is another thing that I fucking love I know I thought I know three

people for sure Nick I don't mean to interrupt you again from the bottom of my heart subred.com is available for a bit more say by the way okay then just I'm all look I'll look up look up sad bread hot dogs it's got to be something like that sad bread hot dogs.com wow years ago there was a girl in front of fucking in front of SAG right there on Walsher right there she pulled up with a wagon and a hot dog truck with the sad bread flag I almost died where out here this has to be 15 years ago when I first met you like right around the time I met you if you went to SAG she'd be out there and I actually became friends

that's when I got up before I became I I would go down there for hot dogs me and my buddy Mike Kessler would smoke a joint go you want to go get some sad breads and we go down there and one day we caught it she was just about the rapper and she's like I'll give you this last six I got just give me whatever you want and we started talking and she goes you know what man my husband is from Jersey I go back there I went I fell in love with these things she goes we moved out here I never saw a sad bread hot dog again we invested in the cart they had the cart they had everything everything but she goes you know what for us to live

was 350 hot dog you know what I'm saying yeah yeah I know how you're gonna survive and she kind of knew what she was doing but she no I'm lying to you she knew what she was doing she was doing a good job the chili was good it was the side bread stuff out of a can it was the same stuff you got in New York same stuff she wasn't toasting the bread okay she wasn't toasting the bread bread is important the bread is important and it's got to be the sad bread bun sad bun is special that's the button it's small look at it so you could order all that there it is you

could order the fucking right now for fucking 40 listen oh shit how much is the cart I don't think I the card the cards for call for pricing extension 13 for more information own a fucking whatever the fucking table top menu on you want table top you guys want the real deal though you want yeah I don't want no fucking so you want to sell I don't know I want to sell it you don't go to town when you go to Yankee spring training yeah you ever go there I do once in a while there all you see him down there every carts got fucking cyber and hot dogs in Florida in Tampa Florida when I went to do calmly 10 fucking years ago

that's what I ate the two days I was there sabbath right outside the hotel some guy was there how you doing man was it oh you got several hundreds where you from because I'm from Queens yeah I want you been down here 15 years I came for spring training and never left one of those fucking good yeah he goes my father owned one of these and it was in the garage I drove it down here and I do this now he was selling that sabrette dogs he was you know he was trying to make a fucking living yeah but me those are in my blood no I was the first hot dog I am surprised no one's brought it out here no one's ever because it's too

tough you don't walk in LA listen that's the that's part of it I mean for years when you meet people who like to eat food and they live out here now there's a big argument about they don't make pizza cuz of the water they don't do this cuz of the water they don't do this cuz of the pricing and that's half true let me tell you what the other side of that argument is Nick tutorial your father had a pizza place with your uncle in 1940 they worked there for 20 years and they bought the joint from the dude before he died and they added something to the pizza crust and they worked hard in Brooklyn and when you

became a child and John you worked for him and you knew the recipe now you and John decided your wife didn't like New York Nick so you want to move to LA I know look at the passion you have for living you would have that same fucking passion for your food you and your wife open up a fucking Italian place Redondo Beach let's just put a scenario here 19 1989 when you could still own shit and buy property and you could run like a white man okay here you are fucking using money got from this place you're using excuse me you're using Parmesan cheese from New York you're getting my mozzarella flown in you know

the water let's not get that extreme but you're getting all the food you're getting pepperoni that is fucking top-notch the same pepperoni they sell at raised beats so you know you you one of those guys you work from sunrise to sun fucking down here you are selling your pie the best the best in anywhere in California people are driving from all over eat your pizza but guess what bro every day ten times a night you got to sit there with your father's fucking recipe and look at ten kids walk by your place with a dominoes box now if you're going like me it crushes my insides when I see that that you'll save ten bucks to

avoid what pizza is right to eat fucking dominoes junk yeah so as a whole as somebody who really cares about their food as a businessman you consider it a competitor and you work around it but somebody who prides what they're doing whether it's Italian food Chinese food Jew food Cuban food and all of a sudden fucking you know in Miami there's a Cuban competitor to everybody it's not poyo trophy cow it's poyo we spoke about it and they got black beans and rice in here I think it's poyo trophy cause no what's the one out here poyo local poyo local it's poyo trophy cow poyo trophy cow is like McDonald's but they

got a nice chicken fillet and black beans and white rice you get a side of onions and fried bananas and it's not fucking bad guys I'm Cuban I'm tongue it's not bad that I understand it's good food it's good takeable food but if I brought a recipe out here that my father worked on for 60 years and I saw a kid walk down my street with a dominoes box I'd shoot that motherfucker it breaks your heart it breaks your heart so that's why I see I don't see the commitment how many Cuban restaurants they around here listen and for fucking Cuban dude moved out from Miami you take a refugee that cooked in Miami and cooked at a good

hotel in Miami and he cooked that homestyle Cuban food and you brought him out here you'd make millions like you'd make millions as soon as Jennifer Lopez walked in there you'd have you wouldn't have a fucking table available at night and then you'd sell the dump after he and light it on fire and open up another place that's what but you get my drift if it's it won't happen out here because the creation you made show me one Chinese restaurant that has pork around here the fried pork that you come in and get sliced that's New York style I'll tell you three of them that have it but they got the fucking

fat in the middle and the one part of the meat is kind of brown and it's not kosher not the same no but there's like one time so if you can't get this no there's some people who get pissed I just don't eat it I don't complain because I know that I'm not eating nothing kosher I move on with my fucking life I know nothing's like back home we would get takeout would say look what we're gonna have tonight chinks alright let's have chinks you know and then we'd get that shit in a cardboard box and it was delicious right you know we got some Italian food tonight that is acceptable yeah the the one is very good the one

with the homemade noodles oh yeah it's delicious it don't yeah the Arabian the Bolognese good it's good it's very good it's good the only thing is it got a little bunched up together the pasta that's how it's supposed you know it's homemade you gotta eat that fucking you gotta get to eat right when it's hot right when it's hot that's yeah otherwise it was what time it was fucking Nick sauce was a level on top of both of them I put the taste the street in the fucking food yeah I could taste the fucking street in that food and I just made that so that's just you know once it settles it's gonna get better and

better you know I got the pork in there I got the sausage I didn't put the meatballs that shit is good right you just could dip in it now that's real sauce you know now let's pretend you'd open up a joint with four little tables yeah you get a bunch of people in there and you kept it just like this Nick sauce that's it to me boss bye no don't stop doing Alfredo no don't get fancy don't get fancy yeah you know what you're getting this beer right what's around sticks keep it simple keep it simple you make a killing but then again people come to you and say oh we went to this Italian restaurant that you've actually

been to know it's fucking junk and go it's tremendous you as a real fucking chef we'll go what the fuck is going on with society I went to an elevator in Long Island and when I walked in there were two kids with dominoes boxes oh and the father was standing there I want to let the kids out of the elevator and grab the dad and go are you fucking retarded are you fucking crazy you're in Long Island there's a pizza joint in every corner every every neighborhood and you're getting fucking dominoes are you crazy Long Island's got pizza up the oh my god I was never so fucking embarrassed what even oh my god I gotta tell you what

happened so me and Lee have a mutual friend John Budd he's one of the owners of VMAG and he's a brown belt VMAG is a jujitsu place first place I ever did jujitsu he's still a dear friend even on don't go over that he's from above New York he's from like an how outside of New York City where it snowed 39 feet last week so he went back to bring his new bride to be up there to introduce it to the parents you know this is a girl he fell in love with Peruvian girl real cool sweetheart and he wanted to bring her home and then we had all these fucking plans well they went back there and got zinopt with the weather so badly

that she got fucking sick and slept Christmas Day and she couldn't get out of bed the whole fucking thing so he wanted to call me and wish me a merry Christmas so we chit-chat it and I go what are your plans he goes well we're thinking of going down into the city and seeing the ball drop and I go no you're not why not because you're not doing that I go you're not wasting your time I grew up there and I never saw the ball drop it's embarrassing stay home mind your fucking business like what are you talking about I know what he was we're gonna go down there and then we're gonna down in Mulberry Street and got

Italian food I go that's wrong right there also he goes what are you talking about he goes what are you talking about I go Mulberry's a fucking tourist trap everybody knows that now it's done I go you want really Italian food you gotta go up to Arthur Avenue up there in the fucking Bronx by Roy Tremont intersex bro they got food there that'll fucking knock yourself so Dominic's and Mario's just those two that's where you fucking still authentic let me tell you something Lee they called me from the fucking restaurant Jack and they were like the owner wants to talk to you and they were like thank you for referring

to my dream I was just up there about four years ago we started talking who probably go I go save for that John bud you're never gonna eat like that ever again in your life he goes Joey when you break the bread the smoke came out of it he goes this was just fucking sensational what is what it's called Mario's Arthur Avenue he took pictures with the dude he was like why wouldn't I go to Mulberry Street I go cuz that's where every sucker goes to that suckers street now everybody wants to see the sopranos you go down there eat three days it's Chinese people cook an Italian that's it it's gone that's all it is

that's all gone that's where you take your girlfriend when you're a dummy you don't even go down there no more right you didn't go down it ain't like years ago you had those joints it's gone now and even if the three of them that there's one bakery there I still know that's that's not bad no I know I know what you know but the whole thing now is a show there's two guys in front standing in front good to walk make him believe it yeah you don't go on any finished big mistake I just go to the feast with my mother knows little Saint Genaro when it was Saint Genaro now fuck it's all commercial I used to go down there like

I remember going down there with some Italian kids when I was like in the seventh grade the year I got left back I went over there with what it was the same kid that got his head caught and we went to a peep show and he ran out of court and the fucking thing shut down they were the best right oh really what the fuck was his name I can't remember his name was my mouth fast the glass used to go up the glass would go up real quick go up quick and you'd be right in the middle of jerking off and the fucking glass would fucking this was way before sexual harassment this is funny you've been yeah he never meant

that peep shows you've been to a peep show me not like that our 40s show world on 46 I was a young kid though I won't I won't my dad and I remember we have a story about me asking about them but about what about like what they were and what do you tell you they're just where you go see naked women I didn't understand it I was like five you don't want to go in there you only want to see a little woman's monkey you're shocked when I was a young kid I saw a woman's pussy I almost fucking died I fucking ran the first time scary right yeah I didn't know what was going on I didn't know how to calibrate I didn't

know what was going I was so embarrassed to even ask my mom like I just kept it to myself for years yeah it's just like the first time you're banged like you didn't know what you like I don't even remember if I got it in I didn't even know if I did it or I didn't do it I was like I think I did it I wasn't sure I know what I was doing I wasn't amateur I think you knew if you got it in no I'm telling you I was a fucking amateur the girl was a deadbeat so what are you gonna do she's laying there like half dead that was one of the worst if I if I think back now about my time I just like dry humping if we could adjust dry home

forever I've been fine yeah it's safe I've been happy safer than fuck come in your pants you come in your pants you walk a little funny yeah it's no funny till dinner and then you take a shower no little bit of detergent you know if you're lucky she lets you suck above the tip she lets you see like the little bit of the color and you suck that till you keep fucking dry humping is good because you gotta like you know you you know that there's a payday yeah and they always tell you keep doing this and Christmas 2008 I'll give you a taste it's it's 1994 I had a girlfriend that had me on the hook for six months telling me

she was gonna give me a piece of pussy on the last day of school really and then the last day of school she go she couldn't do it that she didn't love me that she didn't know she really want to be my girlfriend I was fucking crushed I was beyond crushed six grade beyond Christ six grade and I mean it was guys at home you all know when you fall in love the first time that you just lose interest I was a Bruce Lee kid like I believed everything he told everything he said that s and then he died and that's all once I got out of Catholic school that's all I did that was my outlet after Catholic school I went to

McKinley after McKinley I went up to my mother's bar I ate some weather I take my karate uniform and I go to karate from 430 to fucking 9 that was my life guys that was all I thought about I go back I had the incense in my room and I slept by myself at night my mom wouldn't get home till 330 so you went to the martial arts way back I was a kid yeah Bruce ladies that those double triple features and all of a sudden I went to the 7th grade Nick and I just something happened to my dick in my mind I saw girls it started the sixth grade for me oh I went I went to Miami and I met two girls Natasha and Rebecca two Cuban

girls and we played like grease yeah you know I'm saying like we play like grease like we didn't kiss we just fucking held each other yeah faggot shit and then we were talking the phone until my mother got the first phone bill and that was the end of that romance it was like a $2 a phone bill yeah cuz you're on the phone forever forever talking like nonsense forever and that was the end of my romance that was that I was a free man it didn't matter Pete Rose was going to the world you know I'm saying yeah it didn't matter in my world I had the Mets I had Pete Rose I karate and then that's 75 7th grade I fucking saw

this fucking guy like I asked this girl out first and Timmy Holloway is listening the girl's name is Daybeats Rodriguez Cuban girl just beautiful she was dying out with a girl named Jeanette Blascoe that was banging she was Puerto Rican and I had a sister that was even hotter than she was called a vet dog I still remember these freaks that wow they were Puerto Rican oh man not Puerto Rican and Daybeats Rodriguez was good looking I never forget in the school yard of McKinley going up to and going I like to ask you out of the date and she's like I'm very flattered but I choose not to go out with you I was like

fuck I can't get my game on these shit was and then I saw this guy started hanging out with this kid I do this kid from hanging out with him never really crazy about him he was kind of Cuban so I didn't give him the benefit of that but then I saw his sister oh my goodness lost it huh she was my age yeah skinny dirty looking oh just how I like him long greasy looking hair and shit yeah lanky just a thoroughbred of a woman getting here oh yeah first time I didn't go to the movies with her and the grandmother the brother couldn't know and the father couldn't know the father

and the mother with divorce but he lived in the basement make a move oh I gotta get romantic you just can't go right for the monkey you're worse than how it's done you don't even work it probably I'm waiting I had to take her and the grandmother to the movies the first time and then for about 90 days if I went over there I'd have to watch tea this is fucking crazy cuz I was just thinking about this I would have to watch TV with her and the grandmother not to change the story that's how fucking back of mine I am and Nick you were talking about your mind you are how old now 55 do you write things down I'm

starting I write my whole day down yeah like my whole day has to be written down Nick if not it's not gonna work like if my day is not written down it's not gonna work I like I don't have to know where I gotta be at 8 a.m. I gotta do this at 12 I gotta call this guy I gotta call that guy up here I gotta write things I'm doing for the week like I have a notebook like this if not Nick it gets fucking thrown away but this guy just died no no this is notes for this guy just died right what's his kids name we were kids and he fucking he got in the way of everybody I wanted to fuck there was two people who I still hate after 50

fuck okay there's two motherfuckers that fucked me up when I was a kid there was three but I forgave the third the first motherfucking I fucked me up when I was a kid was that fucking Donnie Osmond with his bullshit he sang that one bad apple and then he fucking got the TV show the girl I was in love with this girl I'm talking to you about she had to stay home every fucking Friday night the watch fucking Donnie and Marika she was in love with Donnie I was ready to shoot Donnie in the head like a Kennedy the understand he was getting in between me and my fucking romance the other guy who got in between my shit was that dude

who just died that dirty son of a bitch the Partridge family that cock sucker that guy he fucked up a lot of relationships to me when I was 12 I used to want a bank he fucked up more shit for me than the love boat the love used to always fuck my game up because at 9 o'clock you get all mugged up to them and swap spit then the love boat will come on and they'd freeze up on you and then you have to play dead possum for an hour and by 11 the mother would show up from playing cards and you went home with a fucking cold nut because of the love boat because of some midget on a boat and shit

bro when you're in the 12 and you got that nut going and you go home with cold nut when you don't evacuate when you don't ejaculate whatever when you're like under 13 and you get a horn dog blue balls they call it blue boy and it actually happens at one time my one nut swell up it hurt so bad oh my god my one nut swell up when I was about 13 because I had a nut I was ready a nut and some but I was ready to do something and the cops came something happened and I had to run home and you come back fires when you're a kid and you get all fired up like that that thing's ready to shoot out at like a

missile sure I don't know what we were doing I was making out with a girl we were about to dry hump and the father came home so I ran out the back door broke the next day I woke up and I had a pain in my deck and the following day I woke up and my nut was swollen I'll never forget my mother fell asleep watching the TV on the edge of the bed right the TV was on like six in the morning and she's passed out and I go up to when I go Mima and I wake her up and she goes okay what happened I go look at my nuts something's weird because I must have been fucking 12 I don't feel like she just picked them up like a mom would do

and she goes you're alright get a muscle they don't go by your uncle and I go no no no nothing happened that means that you get nothing you get hit the nut is something my mistake and that way I'll never forget that waking her up at like six in the morning on my I gotta show you something because it was dark with your nuts in her face it was about three inches away it's all fucking crazy man what some shit boy that's some crazy shit yeah when you're a young kid you know nut I remember my first Hickey this chick called Vialka like half black half Puerto Rican yeah only Puerto Rican chicks gave you Hickey yeah I

didn't know what it was when you were kids the only chicks that would dare give you a Hickey were Puerto Rican chicks amazing if they didn't have a brother and I had a brother you couldn't give him a Hickey I put a fucking band-aid on all my friends said put some makeup on cuz I thought my mother and if you hung out with the brother and you were fucking the sister you better not have a Hickey from the sister either yeah but my mother ripped the fucking band-aid right off like an idiot it was something I mean the girl was amazing like I didn't know what she was doing she blew me away she was out of my league she was so

fucking powerful and sexy I was like wow I was like I never saw her again because she was so good I remember her name Vialka my mother hit me in the fucking head and my father looked and goes oh I was there he did nothing you know my mom got mad at that shit man you got caught yeah but my mom I put a band-aid on it oh you got caught for a Hickey yeah for it was the first time we got caught shooting a Staminkian somebody no no no I never I mean your mother never caught you no I never really caught me in in that you know in the act close call you know but never like in the act you know with that girl I

used to drive her in my bedroom used to drive my mother crazy if she was over my mom would make me leave the bedroom door open you can't disrespect me in my right that's what I got in trouble with my parents my mom was fucking first girlfriend and shut the door set my parents don't like that don't you understand she was a little fucking bouton and then you know she liked to shut the door I said what I mean oh yeah you know she was fucking more advanced than me she was only 15 how dare she well you know shit nice titties was a titty guy it was a different fucking world it really was you know it

was so exciting had a little stereo with the a-track player I thought I was the shit Victoria principal on my door Victoria principal Dallas the girl Joe good acre well I lived in Boulder she was a big Boulder girl she had gone to school my ex-wife and this was way before she did Harry Connick junior I think I was leaving Boulder no even a little before that but she was really smart she was a victorious secret and she took all that money and bore real estate in Boulder at that time that's her and her father's name Joe good acre okay now she's married to Harry Connick junior she married him but she was a real

fucking Victoria secret mom let me see what she looked like put her up in her hey day this is fucking Joe good acre in a fucking day day at a bolder Colorado wait out of Fairview motherfucking high school bolder high I'm not sure you know what I never knew I can I saw her once with a dad but she was already by that time she had security the whole fucking deal over it seemed like security she married Harry huh she married Harry wait till you see Joe good acre once you see her you'll remember she was big when we were kids big now she's old but put oh I know the face no no she don't know you don't that's not what she looked

like keep going this one over here yeah keep going keep going see how they're gonna go with the early Joe good acre just go into Joe good acre 1987 and see what you get with Victoria secret put Victoria secret next to that motherfucker Joe you see it's even you know the type of it now she's the first thing that comes up she's a mom now she's a fucking yeah I know but this oh my god wow right there with the white lacing yeah that was her right keep going down keep going down that's her too but keep going down right there click on to that you make it bigger that was her when we were kids not on the me look at that

get up that's what she looked like when we were kids dog just stunning you know she was fucking stunning I mean that's just beautiful look at that oh my god completely natural there's nothing that was it that's how that that's the best of me don't Colorado I mean that's not like just skinny and let me tell you something let me tell you who she grew up with oh let me tell you she grew up but it's gonna drive you crazy oh the Gondra's ex at that time there was three fucking powerhouse families in Boulder Joe good acre the Gondra's ex and Kevin call Kevin call was real well noted because he was the guy that played

for the Baltimore Colts and he was well known for going up against Gaston on Kevin call was a big motherfucking at that time I was getting stolen the cigarettes and his father had a fucking roach coach and I would sell him cigarettes you know I would make a little money on them in the cigarettes but at that time when I lived in Boulder was you like a fucking Kevin call no no no she's gorgeous bro she was the face of Victoria how old is she today she's got to be the lead type of Harry how old is she now she don't look bad I mean no she's a mom she probably got eight kids hey kids how old is she tell me she Jill

good acre 53 yeah she's our age at 64 she's 53 and she's still an attractive woman yeah she's my ex-wife stage where did say she go to high school she was born in Lubbock but I don't know what high school let's see how long it ain't matter what a Wikipedia right there they've been married probably she was still fucking the real deal she did some movies but grew up in Boulder Colorado the daughter real estate broker I didn't want to say the father's name sculptures whatever native of Lubbock and besides in Santa Fe in Mexico with her mother good I can marry in 1994 and a Catholic ceremony in St. Catherine she's

the real deal guys yeah that's beauty man there was no issues there was no drama with this broad she came out the pipe how long was she a model for Victoria's Secret I can't read it from here I mean she was Victoria's Secret in 1986 80 in 1985 I met somebody who asked me if I knew who Jill good acre was so that's how big she was already in 85 just as 80s so she was two years younger than me so if I was 21 she was nine fucking teen yeah she's spotless she's not clean I saw there's nothing no drama this girl married she took over the world she bought real estate with her father at a

young age she bought all that shit up in Boulder dog so when that body got chubby she had property to sell off and make a ton of money she had that money way before the whatever earthquakes in California that's when everybody moved that it all happened after 94 in North Glen right that's when half of California from up there moved to Boulder they said that's it that's when Boulder changed completely as I was leaving Boulder they were already coming in coming in they were buying up property all right I want to give a shout out to my girl Meg Aaron Michael Stein Wesley Day Stefan Krypton the

Dakota Trammel John Lemon Scott Cunningham Michael Horne Bob Solomon and mr. 10 mr. 10 steel I know you're going through some hard times you know I love you cocksucker and that's it you don't mean don't flip-flap mingle you brought the fucking sauce tonight I got the fucking around I thought you guys are gonna eat then you told me eight o'clock I didn't know what was going on so hey I'm happy fucking I would take some home he's got something to eat tonight and Lee also brought your donuts please take them home I'll eat the whole bunch of real deal look at this shit Lee what you got to deal with tonight what kind are

they that's the fucking best baby oh Jesus Christ those are the ones that killed the way watches yeah that's for Lee how many is one point how many is having point oh one point of those is ten points but you want one Lee I want the whole box with a glass with a glass of milk in the honeymoon is yeah by yourself you get home at 10 to 11 from work and it's cold out and shit you sit on my you're like she's sleeping you on the living room you go you fucking get some coffee then you look on top of the kitchen and right next to the toaster there's some entomance pound cake oh with some entomance donuts and you're

like if I eat this I'm gonna have to go back to the store and get some by the time she wakes up yeah because she's gonna wake up with this crumb bun in mind oh man it's not like a good crumb cake to all that them it's one fucking square square square oh my god a cup of coffee Jesus Christ are you kidding me you can't even eat that no at my age I can't I haven't had one of those I see him Marie T got him dog oh they got the regular ones and the old get one down the short apple crumb this bakery called Muller's would would blow you in the water unbelievable I don't need the crumb just that glazed

this was throwing heat 30 years ago they had a chocolate donut that had chocolate balls on it with powdered sugar on it that you would eat it and you look like fucking a mess but Lee they were so let me tell you something there was a lot of good chocolate chip cookies when I was growing up but the first time I had the entomance chocolate cookie my heart stopped because they were soft you like them soft they were the first ones that was soft yeah like I'm a chips a hoi dude me too I'm a chips a hoi dude till the end of time I like that one company's chocolate chip cookies for a while growing up but I'm a chips a

hoi type and do it so I was my thing that was my thing how is the I like the crunchy kind it's the crispy kind what's going on Nick the tour body a few thousand things going on talk I'm right I'm gonna do a mini series next month in Italy you got it yeah I got it it's called the name of the Rose my first time working in Italy with my brother John how many we should Italy for I'm gonna be there two weeks in February two weeks in March a week in April and a week in May you're done with the Spike Lee movie I'm done with the Spike Lee the black Klansman that was a lot of fun how many how many collaborations how

many times you work like five times maybe you've done five of his movies yeah he's like he's sitting in front of everybody Nick's been with me this is like what number five Nick I was supposed to do the what was it the bank robbery movie but I didn't do that one but I did Jungle Fever more better Malcolm X and I did one other one too I forget and then this one four or five I don't know but it was good to work with Spike again I started with him so it's kind of fucking weird you know we were reminiscing we were doing a lot of the lines from the old movies we're doing jungle fever we were doing more better

spikes you know he's a good dude he's a good he's he man he's the first guy to give me my start you know the first guy that put me on the map so it's kind of you know it's kind of fitting to go back sometimes to who you started with you know there's some good people interesting people in the movie it's this guy that's kind of Adam Driver he's an interesting guy and a few other people he's kind of hot right now Denzel Sun is in it he's on ballers and that's a new year it's a new year so I don't know I think I think it's gonna be a good year you know you're optimistic yeah I don't know why I have a good feeling but

optimistic to that the acting maybe there's a lot of fucking you know you and I talk about along the phone and I don't pick at you for this you're a great kid but I have my frustrations also you know you like the people that are working can't even act after them you know they can't even you know half the people I know I see doing me the comedy crazy aren't even fucking funny so okay you don't want to give me the work that's fine least funny than these fucking people how'd you do the night pretty good I did everything new I want to give a shout out to the fourth wall where fucking

comedy is king you want to be a comedian go to the fourth wall all right and give it a shot you just go up there in front of a bunch of comedians there's no alcohol there's no fucking glitz it's not Madison Square Garden it's fighting for your fucking life you do comedy in front of comics bro you pay five hours you get five minutes like a savage old-school style you used to go too long like it was going well and then I just like the last minute I think I was gonna just didn't I should have stopped like the minute earlier I got the light I started getting a little bit too cocky I guess and you did good for four

minutes I feel like five you do the same jokes as last time no I didn't switch it up all new stuff good for you Lee congratulations it was just you know I was gonna do some most of some of the old stuff but with this guy Eric who was hosting and I did but we're talking earlier so we just I just did so start talking about that and can I tell you people something I got no means to interrupt you Lee I love you like a brother the night that bro one night I was taping a special and people knew who was in the house and they started clapping from to come on stage listen to me I'm gonna tell you some nine of the

ten people wouldn't have come on stage this poor kid went up there and took the stage and I knew that this would have been easier and I never intended to get him up at the stage I knew that he had a fear of going up in the stage but I learned that by tricking somebody into stage it's a lot easier than when somebody tells you you know what Nick like if a kid ever comes up to you and goes Uncle Nick can I talk to you listen man I want to be a stand-up comic I just don't know what to do I'm scared to go up the first time trick him just go okay fine send them home and call the club and put them up sign them up and

then take them up there watch your friend who's a comedian and let them call his name he's got no choice all that shit he's got he'll have to run up there and do it and he'll think of the material to say and you'll get it over with and you helped him out you created a monster now now he'll continue doing it because it was that easy but when people think about doing something they fucking faulted and they won't get on stage the first time he got forced to go on stage he had no choice he knew that either he went on stage or they would harass him later on right yeah pretty much he knew he was a tight I didn't

even consider doing it and it really works brown the best way to teach a kid how to swim is throw him off a boat right yeah yeah it's no other way but to get in there and that's how it was proof leave never dreamed of going up on stage we had this discussion a million fucking times he never dreamed going up on stage no I loved stand up but I never thought I'd be on stage right before I did the special he was started fucking around up and recede it is that the first time you got on stage yeah recede oh yeah you started fucking around and receding like a look at fucking league going on stage because sometimes you got

to push people like come on that's your dream we never discussed it so he went up on stage and it's so amazing that now he goes down there by himself I had a spotted flappers I left them there you know most guys will tip he fucking stayed he stayed and finished out the night like a gentleman and fucking did you do listen man the best thing out of all that shit is watching those comics well yeah it was interesting watching some people just kind of go for it like like kind of like I'm doing like I have I have a couple I have a list on my phone of things that I that spark the idea but I don't I don't have like a written

out joke but there are a couple people going down the list who were who are like it's wouldn't even sound state like in two weeks when I figure out this middle part it'll be good so they it's kind of exciting to think about getting to that part like they were nobody a joke nobody really bombed my eyes like nobody really a bomb it was weird because I thought about this when I was driving nobody bombed in my eyes like I'm gonna continue going there but nobody really bombed in my eyes because I know what the feeling is at that level I know what the feeling is at that level it's fucking horrible right you know everybody

much rather be at the comedy store at the improv and at the lab factory there at a fucking place next to a 7-eleven across the police station yeah you can't even smoke and join outside so and it's a beautiful fucking place I love the place next to a sushi place you can have sushi and go in there and do comedy and shit and leave sign your name go eat sushi it's perfect but it's like a real like you know what brought it took me back to where I used to be like I went home last night I couldn't sleep you know why because I started watching old fucking stand-up from what inspired me to be those guys they got you going there

so I put Kenison on I put I put Andrew on I put on Bill Hicks I put on fucking somebody else I watched last night Lenny Clark I watched a little while and dog it lights your fire it takes you back to where those guys were right so in those days yeah I was bombing like a motherfucker I was at that level in New York did you oh please I was about we call places before I got the time I was coming to bomb the place what would your act consist of back then fucking horror yeah total how long did you go up for seven minutes was it bad yes thinking that kept you going desperation yeah nothing else I knew that if I didn't

keep doing it I would fall apart for sure like this was it this was you bombed like a bunch of times oh my god from I bombed from 91 to about 93 and a half so what changed when did you find it when did it when did it change for you I'm like what happened it changed like a 94 and then it evolved again like a 95 then by 97 I was on to something they just started feeling he was on something but I wasn't ready for nothing I was on to something but I wasn't ready for nothing but he wasn't ready there was no way I had a polish 10 minutes if I had to I didn't know what I was saying did anybody talk to you then anybody like you

know guys other guys you respected maybe no because the stage presence and the energy was always there oh that was there so that substituted everything else that overpowered everything else it hid the weaknesses which was what the writing right the the act was from the heart right that was good that was so the act was from the heart right so people like that about you it was so funny I watched a clip from you have any footage of you like early no it's not there's one person who's got my footage I'd love to see you early Joey it's me him and Carlos Mincia and I'm the host of the show and it's just God awful I had to

do five minutes and it is probably but you were probably always genuine you know I think that I'll never forget the first time I was that's what I like about you yeah I took a class and the guy said to me you're on to something your stage presence is fucking great for that level like you really are to something I know who you are when you walk up on stage I didn't know what the fucking he was talking about right I was so desperate by 94 that I was like I was prepared to do the journey like I was ready to be that guy in a car that just traveled in between five states and did comedy and broken down bars I didn't want nobody

calling me don't reach out Nick because I'm not gonna return your calls I just want to do comedy and left on that said I was so heartbroken and I was so uh you know at that point that this is all I wanted to do and also I ended up and see how old a stripper oh man and next year I'm up there for a year and a half and also I'm living in a fucking me and the stripper are living in a fucking RV on Fairfax Boulevard in between Sunset and Hollywood Boulevard did you know that the first three nights I lived here I lived in an RV in between Sunset and Hollywood Boulevard where there's a no and anyway right there on that corner

facing towards Hollywood Boulevard where you make a fucking left to go on to Laurel Canyon we were parked right there geez the first three nights take showers in there get dressed and go to the commie store we had the truck and the car parked behind it on a fucking trailer like you drove the fucking trailer right we told the car behind us from oh man and we had the same experience in San Francisco I was doing comedy I stopped to do comedy and she went to park the RV and she's driving the RV and then she's going down the block I see the two back tires

fall off the RV fall off the RV and the RV falls and it's back and she's just dragging it with the fucking car oh my god oh my god is right why'd you wind up in sienna I went to miss you listen listen this is fucked up one of my mentors in Denver his name was Todd Jordan a very dear friend I still love the death a great fucking writer and I used to look at his resume every night he had just won 1987 HBO's comic of the year this kid was somebody he was in people magazine as the top 25 people to watch under 25 I mean it was fucking

amazing amazing writer just uh he just fell in love in Denver and took a corporate job as a comic for a phone company or something they paid him great money and that's what he chose to do he would write for comics long distance like Dennis Miller at that time and stuff where the tv show yeah but he meant to me man and I would look at his resume and dream of the clubs he played at and he had this club in Detroit Michigan called joey's that was it joey's comedy club and at that time they were in Livonia Belleville and wherever the fuck I went to there was

three clubs and we were talking one day oh shit this is what happened he had a weekend in the Bahamas to be a comic and he asked me to open for him and I was supposed to meet him in Florida and after his show in Florida Saturday night he had appendicitis he had to get rushed to the hospital and they had to take his appendicitis so the weekend in the Bahamas got canceled I couldn't go without it so I was fucked so he goes how can I make it up to you and I go bro don't worry buddy he goes no no I want to make it up to you

he goes pick a club and I'll get you and I'll make a kofon call and get you in there out of all the clubs I picked fucking joey's in Detroit a suburb of Detroit and I fucking I'm so excited this is my second comedy club I was already working in Baltimore I go to fucking Detroit I leave from Colorado Nick between me and you no lie I had 30 bucks I had maybe 20 and quarters and in those days all I would eat with veggie and cheese sandwiches on white from Subway I would take a six inch and eat one for

breakfast and take the other six six cents and eat one for lunch and then for dinner whatever happened happened I would go into a supermarket and shop with salami I was a fucking savage and I went to fucking Detroit and I walked into the pizza place where the guy was a manager's name was Ed Belaska you remember this shit this is 1995 May of 1995 and I tell this pizza guy hey man I'm Joey Diaz I'm the feature actor this week he goes what

he goes who he goes who the fuck are you I'm Joey Diaz dog I'm the feature actor this week come on you know I'm like come on man he's like I don't know nothing it's Wednesday night asshole you're not supposed to be here till Thursday I'm like what the fuck are you talking about he goes to Wednesday night I go to his third hotel yeah Thursday night not tonight you're on your own have a good night I was like god damn wow and I fucking drove a few blocks and I saw like a holiday in that a big parking lot

and I went in there and I took my blanket I was prepared I was gonna sleep in the head like a joint and a half well you're gonna sleep in the car in the car in the parking lot of a holiday and then if you're slick in those days I was so much on the road where I figured out wow in the mornings you hung up by the back door at a hotel and you may believe you were smoking yeah and if you had like a little travel bag when somebody walked out you'd take it in and go to the gym area this was you prayed at the gym

area and there was always like a bathroom in the back you go in the bathroom and freshen up there was always scams on the road you always figured out there was always a fucking hotel girl you knew who would fucking let you go in the back and fucking feed your dog and fucking wash your face and comb your hair take a shower in the sink Jesus there's always that shit on the road 95 living in the backyard of a fucking hotel my friend

I was uh doing NYPD blue then yeah yeah my god and you were like a doctor and here you were in the parking lot in the parking lot it's hard to and he pays me back and he goes listen do you have a suit I go yes he goes you're opening up for Tony Bennett at the restaurant tonight go to the fucking hotel and check yourself in Tony Bennett Tony Bennett would do a show at the fox theater and then he would go to joey's and go upstairs downstairs to the eat he would eat after the show and then for the family and a few friends he would sing two or three little

songs I can't show that nice guy Tony and people go crazy and you would open for them they would say two like ten minutes be tasteful and I was horrible you were bad I ate a bag of dex dog really I went back to the hotel room and almost cried but it was too late already so I got up Thursday morning got the free breakfast at the hotel thank god you wait whatever they had whatever they had was good enough I'll eat whatever

you got pancakes I'll take ten of them you got fucking powdered eggs I'll eat the eggs white bread rye bread idea and you would try to sneak shit for later like you would take fucking like that was how I lived guys it's hard to believe sausages whatever and you would take them up to your room and just stay in your room and that Thursday fucking night I go to the club I'm ready to do my comedy yeah and I'm on stage four fucking minutes and the chick heckles me who heckles you oh it's a fucking chick

and I looked down I thought it was Kelly the Brock dog this chick was fucking beautiful and the next thing you know we started talking after the show and actually know the other comedian comes up to me he goes oh you met her she's very nice she's got a situation to tell him and she goes well I'm in a situation my boyfriend's told my colleague a place to stay tonight I was wondering if I could stay in your hotel room like this could only happen to me you know what I'm saying like and I'm

looking at this broad and I'm like this season has to be a setup here and I go sure I got two beds whatever you didn't want and I'm the walk to the hotel I even say to listen you know I'm a sandwich right yeah I'm gonna attack you in the middle of the night and she started giggling she thought I was fucking around with it and the whole night we were in separate beds but I kept torturing like come on give me a little taste it's just you and me oh my god for the next day she actually woke up and she goes you want that taste you gotta

hurt it give me a two hour ride and I'll give you a little taste of something and I said I need a down payment right now you gotta do suck and suck all I mean go whatever she throw your bone no she drove naked she got naked as I drove and I would tell her what to do play with your monkey a little bit stretch it out stretch it out like a fish man really while you were driving oh yeah scratching put it by my nose let me sniff it off your fingers like an animal did you get hard when you were driving

oh I busted not my pants that's when you just bust you just you just fall apart you can't even break oh my god you keep hoping the deer don't run out there because you can't put the break because your left leg went fucking stuck she's nude while you're driving oh my god it was if I couldn't believe was happening oh my god and for and it had been warming up to that was in a day or at night this is fucking the next morning we had to check out it out no I was still doing comedy that Friday night

so that day I drove all the way up there and there was drama there was drama she couldn't get into her house so I had to help her break into the back and then she got her clothes but the boyfriend stole her house her car keys and her wallet so she still had no place to go oh so now she was too upset to suck a la mink how can you make a chick that's crying suck a la mink how many harbor could do that she looked good oh she was beautiful big bush she was bad at that time I hadn't seen yeah she could have a bush

so finally she goes do you mind if I come back to the hotel with you she's like can I come back to the hotel you know I'm gonna leave you out in the street besides you owe me a piece of ass you ain't going nowhere to the dentist paid you know what I'm saying and she came back to the hotel me you know what bro we became good friends and shit so we should write a book shouldn't the boyfriend kept calling the hotel all night where the fuck is she she belongs to me I'm gonna come down and then she told me the whole story

she was 25 and she was nowhere he was 51 and she was fucking him because he put it through college but she tried to break up on him now he was trying to sue her he was a sugar daddy situation so that's why he stole the car the car belonged to the mother oh man it was the mother's names and now she was busted so she stayed Friday in the hotel saturday and then sunday on the way home I dropped her off for the house by that time I'd given her 22 suck a la minks

18 stabs suck a la minks so you got a little taste and I have you know what happened bro what happens after you get divorced like I got divorced and I was brokenhearted and I had met some women you know but she was the closest I met the somebody I could hook up with and I overlooked the stripping and the sugar daddy because she had great pussy and as a man sometimes you overlook everything even though you know it's gonna be dangerous but you tell yourself you're gonna do it

differently and she's not gonna suck nobody else's dick and even though you're a seasoned man you know she's a professional dick sucker she she strips already you've known her for three days and you already know she's a fucking nude stripper in a college town and she had a sugar daddy for four years during college and this guy was no fucking prince magic belly right you know he was a horror show that's why he was paying a 21 year old girl to blow him sure it was a fucking horror show when she was telling me

and you know by that time I thought I was a seasoned man I had never heard those things I was in fucking shock when she told me that shit yeah wow it was crazy but I still fell in love with it you can dog I dropped her off in Lansing Michigan and I drove all the way back to Boulder Colorado I wasn't home two days and she called and said I'm coming to Boulder to see you forget about that I fell in love she had there was an opening in my heart

she just slipped right and I didn't care if her pussy was dirty I didn't care if she had vd she was beautiful and she was going to be mine or at least I thought it took her maybe 60 days to start fucking being an animal again right I ended up in jail it was a fucking horror show before years with this fucking crazy chick yeah yeah we know we just spoke the other day for new years she called and I called her back Jesus listen we remain friends things happen in your life yeah well she's the reason why I got that

like she's the one that when I told her some connection if you're still talking or maybe you guys actually listen we broke up here like after six months and we knew it was it was at the end we ended up fist fighting to the death I'm fucking sunset and fucking God no one day she had the mace and I had a salami in my kind of thing yeah yeah so thank God I ended up in prison thank God she didn't mace me in the eyes I ended up like fucking Jim Jones's cousin thank God look we're making good friends

she even said to me she came to see me this last time brought her boyfriend and her kids how she looked today you know what bro you met her did I she came to the set of the longest yard she came to the set and she had the baby I don't remember those fucking that that was 2004 so the kids 13 now she brought them to the fucking my show in Tampa wow they came to the hotel and I talked to them for a little while you know the longest yard it's it's been a while that's a long time so much happened during the longest yard it was

so exciting it's a lot of it's a blur now but there was a lot going on during a longer shot you know I enjoyed my friend my dear friend Joey Filato called yesterday and he goes hey I didn't hear from me from Christmas I called you he goes I called you too and Joey it happens he goes Coco the other day I turned the TV on the middle of the night and the longest yard it was starting I watched the whole fucking thing and he goes I gotta ask you something how much fucking fun did you have shooting that the question comes up I'm supposed to do

I'm supposed to do Steve what have his podcast and I called him and I set it up and I had a cancel because the baby got something to happen with the school and I was supposed to reschedule but the holidays were coming and we discussed what we're going to talk about and he goes listen if you come on I've had some other guys come on I'd rather you know talk about the longest yard I don't know we have to talk about the night you knocked on my door and fucking wanted the booze from inside my fucking refrigerator because they have Steve

Austin oh Steve Austin that little crew he hung out with those little wrestlers and shit yeah they were drinking so much the first day locked up the bottle there's never a crazy little hindu guy that used to hang out talking about oh I turned him on listen to me listen no no I turned him on to somebody okay listen listen listen listen listen okay so oh my there's this fucking guy in a movie the big fucking hindu no not the big guy hold on hold on let me tell the story because

all right what's the big guy's name Halip Dalip well Dalip because he was whatever they gave him like this fucking assistant and he was this little hindu guy that between you and me if I had a bet 100 bucks I said the guy better bet it on the other side I honestly thought that he was a hundred percent gay if you came to me and said to me listen your little sister has to sit with somebody for an hour I would definitely leave him with that person so through the longest yard

we're talking to this fucking broad on the set blah blah blah blah blah one thing's led to another she's talking to me lobo and and nick a lot a lot a lot a lot and she's definitely talking to nick and she's talking to me and we all become friends so the chick was like a cosmic's masseuse or something like that so fucking she needed her ride to the airport or something did he get rubbed down yes something he gave rubbed down

oh that's the story yeah yes he gave rubbed down now this I well listen again ladies and gentlemen ladies if I got a yard stick I'm betting the guy is a hundred percent gay but I guess he told the chick I'll drive you but you gotta come up to my room first he pulled the Harvey he said you gotta come up to the hotel room first well I don't know if this is the same brajo and we're talking yes she was a cute girl but you know there's a valley girl

yes yeah some chick I knew the girl I I know that but you know what I'm saying yeah so uh I'm trying to you know yeah yeah yeah yeah so the funny thing is that like I said we're all in the same hotel so something happens that she's gonna give him a massage nicks trying to get rid of her nicks trying to be a nice guy he goes here here's 50 bucks do us a favor she's looking for a ride to the hotel I can't do it you can't know to the to the airport she was leaving town or something

he lured her into the room right and what happens next that's not a good word Joey oh my god oh my god go ahead drop it on so next thing you know I don't know nothing I go back to my room I'm in love with the movie man on fire I'm already into the hotel I'm already into the hotel 1500 and $10 fucking movies every time I got that movie it was $10 I would pay my bill every week it was $80 and fucking man on fires and those motherfuckers kept charging me I hope you loved that burns down

I don't know what happens but I got a call 10 minutes later from Nick the tour and he goes Joey have you seen the fucking Hindu dude yes motherfucker and I go what are you talking about you know we were all together yeah I saw him with you and he goes yeah he took the chick up to his room and then he told him he was a masseuse he was a Hindu masseuse right and next you know he started rubbing and he went into a trance or something yeah he started getting creepy and started getting me a fucking crazy

hands trying to go up a rasp and everything and and the girl fucking was you know she was petrified oh I felt bad because I was like I thought this guy was innocent oh we thought I thought he was dog I'm telling you if I had to give you I don't know how it ended but it wasn't no it wasn't good she ran out she didn't call the cops said she didn't call the cops he was fucking I think I had to scold him yeah you said something I think I said when you saw me was yeah he turned fucking he was all full of sweat I was like I had to fucking tell the Hindu you know listen

how do you scold someone well I whatever I don't remember because we knew something went down yeah but it didn't go down like he went overboard you know he was supposed to behave instead he didn't behave so he went bananas he went he played all of us he played like the feminine guy that was very peaceful no he wasn't and very like oh my god I'm here helping him right meanwhile fucking Abdul he had just come to the states he had never seen a white woman before he was seven for four what he was seven for four

with a two foot dick he was getting hard odds on the field seeing those white chicks that were just the old women like he was the old white woman to get hard on the Indian dude he was eating 20s how many eggs would they send them up to his room for breakfast a lot not this fucking guy he was a giant it's a fucking giant that's right you just refreshed my memory but there's more to it now you remember the Hindu guy we were laughing our asses off because he was sweating

he was dripping with sweat when we finally found him he was like I don't know what happened to us she was upset and she was like yeah this motherfucker tried to put his hands up my ass and everything and I was like oh I thought he was a nice guy you know he quit then there's something happened did he quit he got replaced yeah something happened yeah something went down he wasn't he wasn't innocent right at the end he had to go back to India his dad was sick overnight so something went down I do remember that that was a

funny yeah that was a funny little fucking story I figured I picked on him because he looked like an innocent guy I said all right he's a nice guy he won't do any harm you know I never ever ever went to albuquerque with those guys albuquerque yeah and I only went there those guys are going on Wednesday nights and shit I only went there when I did another project another movie but I never went to Albuquerque I just stayed in I loved Santa Fe I fucking loved it that was a great place

it's just I don't know I didn't I didn't want to leave when it you know like the LA part of the movie was okay Santa Fe was just a blast was up the rap party everything rap party was I got drunk man I don't fight with the old lady I walked away and remember I came back I was I took too long and then some guy was sitting next door and I fucking screamed at the guy guy ran away he worked in the hotel he was just sitting there innocently

he put his hand out like that I went the fuck out of here I gotta think of my funniest memory like if somebody said to me give me your funniest day on the set of the longest yard it's definitely going into my room and definitely having two ounces of weed in my fucking bag and I would roll up weed with my football uniform on the tattoos I didn't realize so many people were smoking pot oh my god let me tell you something when Goldberg would rip the door off the hinges I would lose my mind by

myself in that trail because I could feel him I could hear him yelling about something and then the door coming off the hinges and him throwing it out into the fucking little pathway with a golf course used to ride back and forth to pick up the players in the fucking it was a blast it really was it was a magical I don't know just the time we had it was one of those projects where you just you'll never forget and they play it all the time it's

amazing they fucking play it they play it constantly I cannot believe like constantly you know it it's a shame they couldn't have made another movie out of it because it's got such an audience I saw Irvin and at the fight McGregor fight picked me up in the air he had me in a bear hug for my five minutes man it was it was a great time great time you know every once in a while I I put on Sons of Anarchy I come home at night I just want to decompress

you know yeah and I'll put on those episodes when Lobo is on there I don't know what season it is Lobo Sebastian is on three or four episodes this little Sons of Anarchy and they kill him off they chop his fucking head off and shit but every time I see those episodes I remember how nice of a time you me and him were having yeah three of us because you have you know listen man Irvin and those guys were my yeah they were fun but they were all like you know they were doing their own thing

you were scared of Romanowski the fucking wrestlers you had a fucking have a liver and a half to drink with those animals right you know and then you had Adam and his buddies yeah they weren't gonna invite you upstairs no then you had the one and only Tracy Morgan who once they realized his fucking torment they shot him out as quickly as fucking possible and got him out of playing the fuck out of there yeah that's the way and somebody once told me they go listen Joey if I ever get you on this show

my goal is to shoot you out before anybody even shows up I don't want nobody to see I don't want nobody to see you even on the fucking show I just want you to go off and I thought about and I go that's how you shoot somebody who is a little fucked up I fuck around you know he's fucked up you know what he makes six o'clock let's six I shoot him by seven seven o'clock if he can make six o'clock tipped out my goon on time he's not drunk right yeah he does it all the time okay shoot him out at seven let's shoot him until ten don't shoot the stars

until he leaves why get them upset yeah because the guy's a powerhouse the stars come in they see him and they go why is he here he's too funny for the show only a few listen if you watch the pilot of 30 rock the show he was on with the white chick what's her name Lee Tina Fey she's brilliant for putting them on that not too many people would have put Tracy Morgan on that fucking show well he's a talent she hit it out of the park and if you watch the pilot she has to talk him into the show while he's at a strip club

which is the funniest scene ever he's like yeah I'll let you talk to me I'm on my way to the club and he goes into a strip club and she's sitting there with these naked work and she's trying to talk him into fucking whatever the fuck it is it's brilliant shit because they got him I guarantee Tina Fey didn't want him around on that right I guarantee she's gonna get him out get him and get him out he's not gonna get crazy you know I remember Adam used to like you know you could see Adam liked him

yes but he liked him but yet he didn't want to let him go off he didn't want to he wanted to keep him a little under control and Adam was you know Adam was uh he was a lot of fun on that movie he was he was uh he was I mean I remember him always being in pretty good mode in that movie he was you know he he was the ringleader but he kept everybody everybody happy I mean he just seemed very happy in them when he was doing all those guys being around that there was so much to be around

but I I like I said I was with you Lobo I mean thank god I didn't you couldn't get too involved with there was too much shit at let me tell you something brother I'm not I have no you know plus I was you know I was I was I was fucking focused I was well in the Seattle it was 97 and his movies were coming out and they were hitting and I had dear friends who were into them and I went to their house and I watched them and I go no I don't know I can't deal with this shit this is terrible right

and the years passed and I boycotted him in my mind it wasn't my type of humor right everything changed the moment I shook his hand the first time I felt so guilty with myself yeah well because you had preconceptions about him I had tremendous preconceptions this this guy's not I think I had said the same kind of when I walked out of that car and he picked up my fucking luggage with flip-flops on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and walked me up the stairs and told me about what was about to happen and

it's great to have you you're all packed you ready to go first class all the way yeah yeah let's go he took us into that room and we did the table read the first one to the table read the door he was so we sat there there was food in the back I remember sitting in between burp rentals you at the end of the table yeah I was all the way in the back with warriors come out to play yeah I was with him good act I was with Michael because I knew Michael Irvin from the best dance sports show okay in fact there's a tape

of me roasting time on going off really on that whatever channel that was on Fox sports one yeah there's a there's a tape of me somewhere I have an addition for that show which one best damn sports show oh please got hit in the fucking kneecap by Jim Lampley swinging a bat that was the audition he auditioned he was swinging a bat talking about the movie 61 and took a full swing and smashed me right in my fucking kneecap and I just had pneumonia I think I was in shock and Deacon Jones everybody was in shock

go you all right kid everybody stopped I don't know I just I was like I didn't feel well unless I just want to get out of here he smashed me in the knee he swung he didn't realize he was sitting so close to me I screamed right on the set it was working crazy crazy I should have fucking laid down and sued Fox should have fucking played dead but I was just like get me out of here get me out of here I was coming out of some illness and I just was like I don't know I just I couldn't even speak

producers were like hey talk talk and I was like I just didn't want to be there I just did the audition as I wanted to get out of the house I had been sick and all this shit but getting back to the longest show Adam was great did you go to my mother had a heart attack and yes I remember nicer now did you go to New Mexico right from the table where he was I went pretty soon and that's where my mom had the heart attack and then I had to go back and then and then he said yeah go ahead don't worry and set my mother I met you

on the van ride on the way back as well we got kind of is that what we met you had it back to for your mother's thing we were we had just gotten there we just got there we had just got I went out for a pass and the ball I stole my finger to this day it never healed some guy threw me a pass and it jammed it like he threw a fucking hundred mile per hour pass and my finger never fucking healed right unbelievable then I almost broke my foot when I fell off Bob's sack if you remember

I did half the movie with like a broken foot you remember I hurt my foot that's right I fell off the fucking thing I was supposed to do that mud scene with Adam that was in the original movie and I couldn't do the scene we we had to do that mess hall scene because in the original movie they have a fight in the swamps and then you put mud in his pants put mud in his pants he puts butt and that fucking scene we could not do because I couldn't I could only limp I was in I was in agony I was coming to work every day with the fucking on the crutches

so I fell off his back and I had a bone contusion on my heel and I couldn't do it they were like this kid can't do the fight I couldn't even run through the tires some tall fucking dude if you look at it as a tall guy that was the double yeah one of the doubles and then I come out of the tire but uh no Adam was great he was just he was he was like way different than you would have ever thought you know I had heard guys that worked with him then my brother worked with him and

said he's a great guy and I had other guys that he's really a good guy and um you know and the nice thing about him was he let people shine he did you know if he knew you were funny he passed you the ball he threw you the ball he gave you a shaming he gave me a legitimate shot that that part was nothing on paper and then it became like it became like a part it became something right after the first scene with me and you the half of me ball he came over to me he fucking came over to me I had the haircut and he goes dude you're fucking funny dude you're

funny dude and I was just you know I was just going there trying to create a character I wasn't thinking about anything because it's a million years that was a funny scene you know tree out you know you're doing the tree out and I come over there yeah for me ball whatever I said that was my first day yeah that was like the first that was my first real day but I was down there for a week oh you want I would wake up and I'd be in the hotel room uh I go downstairs eat breakfast go back up smoke a joint and then about two I would be hungry

and I call the set they send the shuttle over to get me and drive me to the set I go over there shake a few hands hang out with Ivan get some chicken breast or whatever the fuck they we was great eat like a gavone you could go eat then go back to the hotel yeah then when I was ready give me a shuttle back ride to the hotel and let me get a box to go the big fat dude we give you a box of chicken and whatever you want oh man and you went back to your mood and you watch tv and nobody bought I did that for the first five you gotta

understand we got treated like kings you don't get treated like that today on other movies you know fed you know I mean no but not like that that was Adam treated everybody great that was first class all the way I mean it was really really good and gave you a car I think I had a car I had a car per diem it was fucking when I got there I had a pack a half a pack of cigarettes I had this fucking great joint and a half and I don't know what I had for money I had nothing and I didn't know what I was gonna do next and when we landed

hey I love that when they hand you that envelope oh my god you know and they hand you guys I got no reason to bullshit you motherfuckers I borrowed I think I got paid I we went on the Tuesday and I did comedy that Monday night and whenever cash I had whenever extra my wife had me and you were waiting for the residuals you remember the first mother fucker we were fucking talking planning we were like you were like Nicky I'm waiting for this motherfucker oh I had it on paper yeah you I was doing the math I figured I was super me up

and you had me on the fucking go I was I couldn't wait and I think it was like the second or the third that was like the big check you know I think the first one might have been a little small then I was like all right where's this motherfucking cocoa said it's gonna be big and it was good it was good it was tremendous I was a big movie fucking big movie I mean it was really it was it was it was it was a it was a blast I have to say it was special you know the whole experience it was good I mean I knew it was gonna be I knew it was gonna be something both

premieres were good the New York premiere was great that was a good when I almost got into it with a whole fucking and want to get into it we had a blast there blast in LA the LA one Lee by when Jimmy Kimmel shoots yeah they rented that out and put that into a football stadium with my official turf and it was all stadiums it was great it was football at our tables with our names and they were fucking crazy fucking baseball cards we all had our own cards I'll never forget that I got the

cocaine delivered to the fence you did the kid pulled up and I walked I said I'll be right back and I walked straight to the fence during the premiere gave the guy the 60 bucks and he gave me the gram and nobody saw anything and I walked back to the fact you told me you had some pictures for me once from the New York one you like I got some pictures for you but I never got those pictures I don't know what the fucking pictures you said I got some pictures some fucking wild nights for me man that was a good night bars was the bars the bars was cool

everybody was really everybody was cool I mean you know everybody was you know let me ask you something fuck the long and short tell the people the recipe for the sauce oh my sauce why it's uh you know Nicky did it again you know what I'm saying knocked it out of the park with the sausage with the pork you know you get the cut up the garlic brown the garlic put the meat in and you put your fresh basil your oregano a little parsley a little grated cheese a little sugar

a little wine and uh then you put it on a nice little low flame cook the meat and baboon but it's the hand you understand you like that huh Joe nicky red sauce it's coming this year I know I promised all you guys I'm getting it out there it's been a while but it's gonna be a I don't know tonight he got the real thing no this is tremendous yeah he loves it we got the arrive and the other thing we're not we shouldn't even they got that shit

they don't compare the dick to this this is well I wanted you to taste the real thing because the last time you loved the the jar sauce and the jar sauce was fucking good fucking I'm at I eat the sausage after six o'clock and those are good sausages you maybe no I got them from a fresh from a butcher those are no bullshit sausages you can't buy those in uh Trader Joe's that a boy so is this gravy when they say no I call it sauce some Italians call it

gravy but you know to me I don't like to say gravy because that sounds like fucking you know white people say that stuff I don't know some of the times do it yeah it's not supposed to be gravy I don't give a fuck I don't give a fuck it's fucking sauce I want to call it gravy go ahead some people want to make I call it sauce I don't give a fuck what nicky red sauce is what I always call it you know let's just eat and have the fuck the shit tomorrow will be even better speaking of eating

this show like I told you in the beginning I always got great sponsors I love them with all my heart I have a great time with them I don't mind talking about them but one of my favorites that's why they stuck around and I wanted them to stick around was blue apen and like I told you in the beginning blue apen is the leading meal kit delivery service in the US and while many people know what we do many don't know about what type of meals you eat when you cook with blue apen you're not just having burgers for dinner

you're making short rib burgers with a happy cheddar sauce and a pretzel bun crispy shallots and green beans and mashed potatoes all in under 45 minutes and without a trip to the grocery store are you following me here's the beauty about blue apen right blue apen delivers fresh pre-proportioned ingredients and step-by-step recipes right to your door that can be cooked and under 45 minutes the menu changes every week based on what's in season and is designed by blue apen

with the in-house culinary team blue apen offers 12 new recipes each week and customers can pick two three or four recipes based on what best fits their schedule blue apen sends only non-gmo ingredients and meet with no added hormones all right blue apen is taking care of you because I'll tell you what listen to this week's menu or this month's menu steak Diane with mushroom pan sauce and mashed potatoes do you know how to make that no you don't with blue apen you'll learn how to make that gentle towels chicken with bok choy and jasmine rice

do you know how to make that no you don't with blue apen you know how to make that whole approved mexican spice barramundi with kale sweet potato and avocado salad do you know how to make that no you don't do you know how to make approved tagurachi chicken lettuce cups with avocado no you don't you don't know how to make none that's what blue apen like i said we have the team of professional chefs putting in a lot of care into creating recipes each week all right some of the best parts of our day happen over dinner

so we want you to share that perspective a family that cooks together stays together blue apen is available for two for the family plan but it all starts right here blue apen is taking care of the church of what's happening now they're going to hit you with the first three meals a 30 dollar value with your first order if you visit blueapen.com slash joey again blueapen.com slash joey like i said this week's menu oh my god steak diane with the mushroom pan sauce let's get to it you understand me

and you get 30 dollars off with free shipping at blueapen.com slash joey blueapen a better way to cook this show's also brought to you by on it you're like joey why is your mind always ticking you know why alpha brain that's why i can tell you it's tarifa i go on my little alpha brain cycles from time to time and i'm tipped off my go i get my six hour sleep who's gonna stop me let me tell you why i love alpha brain and why i love on it because they back what they sell

if it don't work for you you send it back let me give you your money back better yet you don't have to send the product back not to mention all the other great products they have like shroom tech sports shroom tech and mune the the hemp force protein milkshakes are fucking delicious the acai vanilla or the cocoa whatever the fuck you choose go to on it dot com right now press in church bam and get 10% off your order remember right to your mother fucking house you understand me

also you're thinking about jujitsu you're thinking about mats you're thinking about rascals do me a favor go to fuji sports dot com right look at the great selection they have you like something pressing church help us out get 15% off your order right now today i want to thank my brother nick for toro for making the sauce also i want to apologize to him about asking i didn't want a bunch of kids in the studio because i didn't know these children i didn't want to get in trouble so i want my deepest apologies

i want you to extend my apologies i'm a gentleman but i don't want to get no children problems and i get problems and you get problems then we're on the cover of thc apologize accepted and if you don't think we're getting work now think of what happens when you make the cover of thtmz for hanging out with kids and drinking because no kind of they were drinking red wine that's all i need to see even if the kids weren't drinking they come in here there's three bunks we go to jail me and you yeah i don't do 22 22 the life no parole

anyway i want to thank you guys again don't forget two weeks from now austin texas like a motherfucker the 18th to the 20th lee's coming with me go to capcity.com right now for tickets i want to thank my brother nick toro for a marathon podcast lee sciat and for him cooking so well have a great week stay black and see you monday morning thank you buddy me flashing lights move into the beast

mirror walls and fog are at your feet i'm just a dj here and mixing for you i will not stop until it's blood night it's turning me on my skin and my legs i can't go on my skin and my legs it's turning me on my skin and my legs i can't go on my voice is on so let me come and see austin my records get you closer to me

the way your dance is blowing my mind i'm in the booth watching you all the time it's turning me on my skin and my legs i can't go on my skin and my legs it's turning me on my skin and my legs i can't go on DJs may come and DJs may go but i'm the best so baby don't you know that i would give it up for loving so true give up my records for a moment

red you must be the music it's turning me on my skin and my legs i can't go on my skin and my legs it's turning me on my skin and my legs i can't go on my skin I'll keep you moving all up through the night But my life is good and my needs good And I say it just this way

I say it high and low, I'm on the go I'm on my way up into the deep interior And if you wanna know, you're just a way to know Everybody needs you to follow me I said there's just another one that's more easy to see I said there's just another one that's more efficient to see And if you look at me closely, you're truly a fuck And listen to the sounds of my voice, come on

I'm on my way up into the deep interior Oh, cut it out