Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #549 - Felipe Esparza

Episode Date: January 11, 2018

Felipe Esparza, comedian, co-host of the "What's Up Fool?" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio.   Check out Felipe's in New York at the Playstation Theatre this Saturday at 8pm - https://goo.gl/6zbKFU   This podcast is brought to you by:   Blue Apron: Go to blueapron.com/JOEY to get your first three meals for free (a $30 value) and free shipping!   Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your order and stop using nasty toilet paper forever!   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 01/10/2018.
  

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blueapron.com slash Joey. Blue Apron it's a better way to cook. Number two listen NFL playoffs this weekend you still want to make some guiness you want to start the year off with some fucking money in your pocket all right they're finally here and I want to tell you guys about mybookie.ag the number one rated online sports book period with your fantasy football season over the only way to make real fucking money off your sports knowledge is to win cash by betting at my bookie all right so right now if you join my bookie they'll match your deposit with up to a 50% bonus did you hear that 50%

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back guarantee go to hello to she calm and press in church and get 10% off your first order kick that fucking mule Lee oh shit it's the church of what's happened now Wednesday January 10 here we go you want blood motherfuckers you got nothing for nothing there you go the church of what's happened now my brother's are in the house Felipe sparser with his vegan glasses and my mad fucking the Christ killer and shit was so cool what so happy new year man happy new year the

you know three goes also in house he's over there man he's sitting there thinking about the Riverside floods of 66 that's what happens when you do one of those mushroom stars and fucking we do mushroom coded stars here who had the church of what's happened now you're a little tingling your spine happy new year my happy new year right to see you but just to you to congratulate you on the HBO special you created waves it's made a different you it's a different animal and your eyes are also red as fuck I love it you know Felipe looks like right now you ever said old picture zeppelin with Robert plant all fucked up with his

eyes all red that's what you look like right now you're like a Mexican Robert fucking plant haha rubber plant what's going on with you got Rodrigo you're holding on to that bong like it's the last bong in the world the Koreans are about to fire a missile look at your face looks like my face in the painting you're like fuck it this bongo block the missile I'll leave it right here shit it's a beautiful day to be fucking alive man what's going on buddy good man I'm feeling good bro I'm pretty I think I ate a one star that's all you need and I hit a bunch of mama bunch of bong rips and I saw Lisa almost choked

today oh my god that was his first as we're like he's drowning and I have bronchitis for like two weeks and the for the entire two weeks joys building you got a smoke you got a smoke every other doctor every commercial you see says don't smoke when you have a cold I took one bong hit and everything in my lung came out that's it bong hits clean out the fucking lungs it's well known fact I mean I don't know what the but when you fucking cough it's good for your lungs when you cough like that and get all that billy goat fucking milk out and gastric juices and whatever the fuck is in there I'm sorry for the choker

cough I'm no doctor but I've had the flu what 20,000 fucking times and I've smoked through all of them and even cut in your mind it cuts through the flu because you're telling your fucking mind I don't give a fuck bring it on bitch but that backfires from time to time one time in like 2008 I got a bronchitis for like eight weeks I couldn't swim I couldn't do shit so don't listen to me anyway what is bronchitis I know it's like a it's like an infection in the lungs or not it's maybe it's just liquid in the lungs I don't know but I've got it I've had it ever since I smoked hash with Joey

you know I had that thing in my lungs when I was in high school so I've always had a lung problem you know and I got out of the hospital never like you know what don't be around smoke don't smoke I got out of the hospital one in the afternoon by four I was doing bong hits and by eight I was doing to hit a fucking acid I was fucking 16 what are you gonna tell us that's funny what are you gonna tell fucking 16 year old people thought I had a lung problem just because of my voice you don't know the kid because I had the same voice I do now when I was ten it was damn that homie man he must smoke a

lot of cigarettes you never had a Michael Jackson voice no man I was my friend was made for me at this so your voice always sounded fucked up it's always done at this man like sometimes when I talk people say but you were you from man the East Coast now bro East LA you know it's funny before we started the podcast that's all we were late we were just talking about he was in bold the last weekend and he asked me if I would ever consider going back to Boulder and it's funny because Boulder when I played Denver it scares the shit out of me to have to think to go into a car and go to Boulder like it

just because God knows you know when Rogan first went to bold he called me like two days after he landed he goes you know all your stories came into perspective because this place is like a fucking candy store for a guy like you and you know what is disgusting and you can pull you can push doors down the other low life is the sounds I mean that's why I don't go back because I'm disgusted with myself for the shit I did in Boulder because if I did that shit in New York it wouldn't matter if I did that shit in Jersey or in LA it wouldn't matter they're fucking dirty communities whatever the fuck we are you know but

the shit I did in Boulder bro they didn't deserve that that's just they didn't deserve that at all you know and it's like I told you the first time I went to Boulder I didn't like it it was too many hippies for me but think about that just I'd said that to you just to let you know how much it changed like the first time I stepped foot in Boulder was a like maybe September of 83 I went down there for a weekend and I fucking hated it I fucking hate like I wasn't used to told I never know what tofu was I never knew I was right out of New York City I had no idea what half that food was and I had zero appreciation for it like zero

I was too young the first time I went to Boulder then I went back to Boulder two years later and I went on the U district I went into the to the hill yeah and that's when I was like wow I'm staying in this motherfucker it was clean there was hippies but not too many hippies you know what I called hippies they were like homeless young kids and they buying at that age I was robbing for a living I wasn't fucking asking for no fucking handouts so that's why I got so frustrated because I'm like look at these young kids act asking for handouts with a dog and a chick what are they fucking crazy

I'm out in the beginning Felipe like my first friend was a guy that believed in Satan I was a Satan guy his name is like our or something bad or that's who I bought weed from like the first go shit huh go weed probably I met him on the boulder walk like that when I first moved to Boulder I knew nobody yeah we're we're sitting at the boulder row bodorama bodorada who the rattle bodorada first time I walked into Boulder I didn't know anybody I mean not a soul I went to my house I put my clothes in I went to the bodega whatever fucking the bodega in those days was alfalfa's which is Whole Foods in in Boulder I went to

alfalfa's groceries with 60 bucks I was like what the fuck is this you know I just bought this is $20 back in New York but that was alfalfa's I didn't know what the fuck this was everything was you know organic meat and shit I'm gonna say that doesn't sound like a bodega no I didn't know what it was man and then I was buying shit with kale I fucking started walking around and I was like it was this was a perfect place for me to be at 22 I joined the gym you're 22 what made you go to Boulder I was 21 warrants okay police people I owed money to Boulder Colorado basically Hawaii and land yes the way the people are yes

and I said that that before we started the podcast boulder gets as much sunshine yearly as much as Hawaii like it's a fucking beautiful place it really is it's a and it attracts a weird people and like I said I got I was getting weed that 30 years ago that would have killed a fucking animal this shit I was getting grown up in that high altitude I was getting some good and I was getting better weed an aspen but I was telling you man it was just from 85 in Boulder to 88 to 9 now I'm lying to you for 10 years I created havoc in that fucking town they have it havoc internal havoc if it was missing I had

something to do it I'm not proud of that I'm not very proud at all but that's who I was back then fucking crazy but it's something you know like you just you just have a knack for it you know like because if you're like if you're a gangster like in New York you know Detroit you go to a small town at that like when Joe Rogan say where everybody there is super super cool they're not looking for that no you're not looking for that man you could walk in there man and you test them out you know the gas station by taking 20 power bars at once so like I can't even like imagine a world without cameras I think there's

always been cameras when I've gone to stores so like what kind of security was there nothing nothing nothing to my first one person watching the whole story I'll never forget going to the mall and I was telling Felipe that I had gotten a I got in a law settlement for my shoulder and I put money away and I made a promise to start a new life how'd you mess up your shoulder I messed it up lifting but the night before I did the scam I fell against the floor and I was with side Lawrence the fucking Jew that used to do the fake actually fuck your shoulder up for me you have to go to the hospital with something you just

can't walk in the hospital go my shoulder hurts so we went up against the wall and scraped it a little bit I banged it a lot I banged it I banged it to knock it out of the fucking joint no Gibson lead the weapon and I fucking one in there and then they had a cahoots with the attorney if the attorney fucking hooks you up with the doctors and the doctors are running it sounds like Armenian and Glendale oh my god and then they all go in on the small fucking 10% and everybody's happy my friend fuck and everybody I talked to you you're the I'm the x-ray guy you're the fucking it's like a scam it blew my mind and I

took them and I forgot about it because in the process I robbed the chiropractor so in the process so in the process of fucking it was the night that boom boom Mancini killed do come Kim in the set in the cell that was the night the same thing I remember being at the chiropractors office and watching this fight and nobody was even on the phones you know nobody the nurses that was supposed to be answering the phone they were watching the fight on the Saturday afternoon and there was a fucking envelope and I took in three days later they arrested me so I thought the case had gone sour I thought the case with my

shoulder had gone sour I got a call one day that the attorney had my check in this fucking desk and I went down there picked up the check on Friday and I was on a plane on Sunday guys that's how quick and I was on the plane I was headed to Colorado Springs but I ended up in fucking Boulder because some black dude talked me into going to bold man you don't want to go to Colorado Springs man that's an armored town you want to go to bowl that's what a boat is man with a ball with a boulder so I went to Boulder and prostitutes over there no that's not my bag so it wasn't my bag at all when you were there with any other

any other people doing the same thing you were doing you're the only one to my knowledge I hang by myself and then I met them the blessing of my life this guy like I said this guy no way before the wolf way before the wolf I met this guy named Fred Ed Ed Ed I met him through raw raw was the devil guy that sold weed and he'd have like mad at young girls hanging out with him in shit and fucking you know he one day he introduced me to Ed and Ed me and raw got weed from the same hippie lady up on the hill she was the Eugenia she was like 50 and a boyfriend was like 20 he was a rich little nerd his father invented like

glue and they were both trans fun kids and they would hate society like fuck this and fuck that but your trust funders what do you got the hate you know I'm saying all they did all day was smoke dope and sit there they didn't have a job they didn't do nothing in about five she would send them to the store to get like a bottle and they would get drunk and that's all they did but I met this dude named Ed and I hung out with Ed for a few weeks until I knew what Ed was Ed told me he was in the army so about two weeks go by and me and Ed go on the hill and there's this place called Stellas and they used to have a this was

way before Boston market guys they used to have the spit chicken rotisserie chicken rotisserie chicken and everybody went there for chicken like you had a way to align there for the chickens I would go in the afternoons and me and Ed go there one day bro we get there's a bunch of cops outside and they have a barricade and there's a dude on top of a fox theater and he's saying that he's gonna jump I'll never forget this bro and Ed's like jump motherfucker and that's a dad fell in love with him the cops kept saying bro please you're just gonna make the situation worse he was like I don't have time for this he's yelling at

the guy jump jump jump and then I became friends with Ed that was it and then I got into trouble the cops were looking for me I went to San Francisco and then I came back two years later and that's when I started my destruction but I re-hooked up with Ed and I still didn't know what Ed did Ed got checks he said he used to go to the VA that he heard noises I knew he went to Vietnam but I always thought he was a medic and I always stayed friends with Ed Ed Ed Ed and one day I was up by Chautauqua Park where you were performing by the boulderado up there yeah and I saw Ed walking and they go Ed what are you doing

he goes this is where I live he goes you want to come over and roll a joint and when I went in his house guys it was an apartment maybe the size of this in a basement up by Chautauqua and it was just fucking metals pictures of him with six guys with 20 bodies dead with him would like you know how they put the flag on the mountain yeah with like a flag and a bunch of Chinese bodies Vietnamese bodies dog this guy was fucking crazy and I go I thought you were a medic and he goes no he told me he was something else a lurp or a lark or one of those things and they go in after the green beret and make sure everything's

dead like every rat every mouse they burn the village down they're the ones that used to throw the cards those dudes that the patrol the cards and the dead bodies and dog that's when I felt I found the fucking ally but I had like three guys like that around me that lived in the hills of Colorado there that you didn't know they were just putting to they were just walking around these guys would kill us bro old is a weird place big drugs you hit the nail on the head there you got a keel or blow that you get rid of it in two hours too high those college kids are filthy fucking rich and they get money to fucking

spend on drugs bro steroids go fast there it was amazing it was an education for me and it would it taught me a different level of survival like when I was doing in New York didn't work in Colorado I had to switch it up to make it work and I'm ashamed of that till today I'm very ashamed that what he only do have you heard how it's changed man oh I know I talked to people from Boulder once a week I did I remember I did a show and I'm aspen with David Brenner David Brenner picked up like some comedian that he thought were funny so he picked me this Asian comedian Kevin Shea and Miguel what's his name Miguel from

Miguel Washington from Houston and they were been to aspen you know and I was like surprised to work with a legend but after the show bro I went to this bar and I said I started drinking I'm gonna messed up I started drinking and right away bro like I just turn to the right like you know like I mean like you know I was drunk bro and I get when I get drunk I feel like I'm gonna find coke fast like with magical powers so I said I told myself when I turn to the right this guy right here's gonna have coke and I turned around there was a Mexican dude like a some cook who just came out of work and I thought I talked to him in

Spanish and that food had a whole bag bro coke and I took that food to my apartment or to my hotel room and for a long time we were partying bro right we're fucking partying and and I had a nice room bro like a real nice room like it was like a nice room it was a cabin basically like I could walk down and open a refrigerator and take stuff out if I wanted well I can't do that but I did I went downstairs and I took I was taking wine bottles out and anyways I'll make long story short this guy man he thought that Kevin Shea and his girlfriend were gonna come back and party he thought they're gonna be a chick there bro so

then I told him there ain't no chick right so then his food thought that I don't know man but he was looking at me bro like with maybe maybe you could be the chick oh no but it got weird bro and then I say fuck but then I want but then again bro I didn't want that food to leave bro cuz I had no more coke and I would leave in the next day in the morning I was just gonna ask is it weird to party with just a guy hell no bro you know but sometimes you gotta dance with the devil bro so you know what I did bro I got I took out a hundred dollars and I cut in half and I gave it to him bro if you stay here another hour bro give

you the other half but it was good coke and aspen by the way that was that was Pat buckles bro that was a very crazy time too man that was I walked him to Aspen a kid Philippe I walked him to Aspen a 19 year old kid how's it was like you have you had a bunch of warrants or you have you know you have friends no at that time I just didn't want to live in jail like I knew just new lifestyle yeah I just want to do something different and that and at that time I had friends and Aspen they weren't like people good friends but they were acquaintances from North Bergen and there were one strong family there was

one family that that was well known it was two of those boys and it was weird cuz I didn't get along with one of the other brothers but I got along with two of the brothers one of the brothers that was my brother now it's dead and the other guy lives in San Diego you don't talk to me but I went out there with them and the guy named Duffy and there was four dudes lived in the house and the other guy was a karate expert from California he was the garbage man and he was really a garbage man in real life and half the guys that came out from Jersey were all garbage men when I got there I couldn't be a garbage man because

karate man had come back to California for some so I lived in his room it was just a fucked up summer that summer you sold cars there was no I the first couple months I did construction outside like asphalt and like just regular Rodrigo did a video with you man or your boys he was bowler where I began yeah no no it's all where it all began but just no no no but I wasn't I was an aspen that I was an aspen that I was thinking I was thinking good take a trench using a trench dog I would quit a job every Friday ain't gonna do one on Monday you know I used to go through that like how about my dad hooked me up

to a cool job but cool job for him but I work in 12 hours a day so then I counted the hours that's a man in a week it's gonna it's gonna feel like I worked two weeks so payday came bro disappeared bro and I took a lot of shit it was like a produce factory bro I was working joy from man Lee you understand when you get a chick pregnant in high school oh no the world comes down on you bro you get what when you get a girl pregnant in high school the world comes down on you bro everybody wants you to make changes so my dad got me a job and on Anderson Street right there in downtown LA we're all the proto

factories are at and I was loading and unloading produce inside trucks from 11 o'clock at night no from midnight to 11 30 11 30 in the morning and nothing but by sauce bro like you making do you remember for all nothing it was it was a little bit above the minimum wage minimum wage was 335 I was getting 470 how fucking scary is that you're right we never talked about that knocking somebody up in fucking high school high school bro I don't want to knock anybody out how old is this child now this fool is like I'll say he's in his 20s bro like 20s he's marching rid of the age 27 28 you talked man we have

me it's a good I said I stand on presents every Christmas he don't call back no he don't call back we met each other like and but after last comment standing okay so you knock her up in high school where'd she go did you move in try to make it work no we moved into we we moved in together and we were living together in the housing projects in high school no she wasn't I was like we're out of high school to do in high school I was out of high school now we got pregnant while we're both in high school but shut the baby while she was in high school and I was like I was gonna repeat 12th grade but they want to go

back to school he quit I quit like I did we quit yeah fuck that man I don't want to go back what graduated 20 fuck that I'm fucking 19 already in high school it's bad enough yeah so man I remember like she still had to finish high school right her mom says you know she's pregnant and she's underage she's 17 and she went to a school Lee you know where nothing but loser chicks go to like like if you're a chick who got who got pray I'm sorry I'm gonna say loser but most of these girls were pregnant like 13 year old 12 year olds 14 year old girl pregnant this was like a pregnant high school bro that's terrible and every time I went through the

picker and then like I will go pick her up all the time and stolen cars or or cars didn't belong to me how do you get how do you get those well in my neighborhood like a person went by crack will come you know it was no money he has no money right so car yeah so we'll give him like to 20 40 dollars a crack to borrow his car for like four hours and then we will go to the beach and some of my friend will do those use the same car do a commit a crime you know how long did you stay with this girl my brother oh man I stood with her from wow from the moment she got pregnant to my wow two years cuz we had

the first kid and I was like a 19 like 87 88 89 I remember 90 and right away we had another one right away like a year and a half later we had another kid a girl and earthquake came through bro and shattered the projects actually made a project look the same but it was like though it was like a big old earthquake and where everybody would live in it basically the streets in the house in the housing projects like because everybody was just scared to sleep instead of projects dude if you would have if you look you would have came to my neighborhood when though when I don't know I don't know for the north with

earthquake or though with your narrow earthquake but it was like a big earthquake our house our neighborhood looked like like like a third word country bro like city of God it was just blankets and tents all over the neighborhood because nobody wanted to go inside and get crushed by a fucking building so that's terrifying and special to kids so her mom dies and then she I found out that she's cheated on me for a year and a half with a different guy like cheating on me you know like really fucking cheating on me that's not nice I know man and so I'm crushed bro you know you know and then what do

you do man you know you beat her ass now you know you think about it bro at the same time bro that this is happening you know I see one of my friends get shot and killed at the same time and I have to go be a fucking I have to know there no man I was trying to get away from all that stuff you know but but they all of us got picked up and we have to go testify in the murder Jesus and and I remember I didn't want to I didn't want to go home and because you don't want to get involved right but I remember like I had to sit there and watch who's what happened was we're all in the same this park bro and we were all hanging out

and at the end of these guys started chasing us and I ran the opposite way that's what I would do and then I'm at the same time that we were running from these guys were running from the guys another our friend was coming at us you know what was going on so we passed them and that food takes off bro so that killed your friend yeah 14 and how you were 14 to no I was like 19 oh Jesus I was 18 yeah I you know I was a loser bro what the fuck I'm doing hanging out with fortune rolls bro so you know but he was your phone and we're hanging out at the park these kids were ditching the school I was just the old school hanging

out bro and we have to go to court man but this is the craziest shit ever bro like I'm doing a show in Ontario brah and this woman comes up to me like laughing drunk as hell having a good time she grabbed my hand like this he was my brother he's he's he goes you look familiar my brother he's in prison right okay and then this this aging chick gives me her car bro so oh shit the guy that that that I'm supposed to who killed my friend he's trying to come out of prison now motherfucker I'm not fucking now parole I didn't know all this bro but it all just came to me right now when we're talking about this right I'm like

okay how long ago was the Ontario incident when did all that was like now five years so the guy that killed your friend did like 20 years he's up to 25 the fucking mistakes we could have made for the baby this couldn't end up like this you know I know man every day you got to give thanks to somebody I know I thank God about that because when I think about it sometimes you know we were all together and then I decided you know for some you know you know people say that um you know somebody look enough for me my mom was probably praying bro you know at the same time or my grandmother Lucia Soto with her big old fucking

medallion you know and her big tubes you know go shit to have a fucking big old earrings I said Joey you know I said um you know as I said you know what hey man I'm gonna cross the bridge and I'm gonna see if they if I see those guys coming over here I'll let you guys know this thing is fucking warmer than death this bomb oh my god I had a joke the other making love to it he looks like he looks like he's doing his Robert De Niro impression oh my god poor poor poor fucking red that's Daniel yellow bro oh my god you know Felipe crazy though man I decided to go over the bridge so when I cross the

Harlem Mac Park bridge to go to the other side as soon as I turn around that's when everybody was running and getting shot up geez and I remember my friend Ruben I never forget him and I feel picked that full up bro and carried him crazy man was it like was that like a moment that like maybe think about changing some things or fuck no bro no it's so we know bro you feel invincible after that I mean I lived now but it's fucked up because the guy who got killed had a his brother was their twins dog their twins so that's what we're all getting fucked up you know you know you know being sad because he passed away

I remember I kept looking at him looking himself in a mirror and getting sadder especially for twins that's supposed to be like a special thing yeah man and I'm and I'm and it's funny because I saw Sarah Surman's show on I think it's Netflix yeah she has father boy oh that's how you put and when I saw and one of the books talks about that murder but I'm I'm just thankful man that I'm father Greg Boyle and I see on the show and I'm thankful you call me every week and check up see what's up do you want to explain what that is cuz like I seen the salsa but I had no idea who father Greg Boyle was like do you want to

explain who he is oh for the great boy oh man he's a Jesuit priest a Catholic from my church the Lord in Mission and he started a program called homeboy industry and they they they help ex-cons and people who are you know in gangs find decent jobs and they help him skills and they have a tattoo removal and they don't just take Mexican gangsters too man there's a lot of neo-nazi lowriders probably neo-nazi tattoos like swastikas on their neck and they get them removed there for free nice and I've been donating to them since I won last coming standing I had you were part of the were you part of the group yeah what

happened was one time man I was like me I love Terminator man Terminator Terminator oh yeah so I mean I used to drink a lot I used to drink those little don't you remember the little you remember the little wine coolers but they're not wine coolers they had like ice long island iced tea some of them were pineapple premade yeah horrible I saw you drinking those fucking terrible premade cocktails I picked you up in the afternoon I gave it $200 to hang out for me for an hour oh my god he used to drink the drink those things give you heartburn from the fucking jump like whatever the mixer is in there yeah I

used to drink those things when in deep situations like late night when it didn't matter no more but the start the day that's a complete remember they even had the premade bloody Marys yes that the pre-made pre-made blood I know motherfuckers who used to drink those and throw two lemons or a lime in them and a piece of celery and tip top Magoo dog they even put more vodka in it I will be coked out right like that when you saw me that mom that time I saw myself you know what man leave my fruits give me two pizza coladas and some ice and I put it all instead of a coke cup oh do you ever think of and I ain't

Philippa you and I both know that we hate those type of people that you know oh no because I did this and I did that bra was a loser and it's such a fun thing to tell people that you were a loser instead of telling people all these grandiose those stupid stories that you really weren't but it's amazing like I'm not gonna tell you I got shot at all the time I'm so fortunate that's bullshit but there's a part of me that's really fortunate just even doing the drugs and the places you had to go to to get drugs and the people you bought like you used to bring people home I would never bring nobody home you want to sell

it to me or not either or I got cash the last person I wanted to bring to my house was a fucking man you know I'm saying and some women that just fucking you got to watch them too because they'll rob you quicker than a fucking dude you know it's just such a different lifestyle like this year I woke up I went to bed at 10 o'clock on New Year's and the next one I woke up for leaping for an hour I sat at that desk watching my wife and baby sleep thinking what the fuck that I used to do on New Year's Eve I used to be right in the heart of it you know like right in the heart of it you always in the heart of it you know how

fucking lucky how fucking lucky Felipe we could have died doing coke we could have died smoking crack you know it's got to be something you have to give back at one point you have to go there has to be somebody who watched over me I just cannot be this lucky you know I'm like just to stop snorting coke you knew the animal I was Felipe you know the animal I was and I get so many emails from people and now that we have the church page people hit you all the time and they're trying to get clean and I try to tell you know it's easy it's easier than what it seems you know like it really is it's just this little bump

and you don't see yourself ever being clean ever having a normal life like people because we feel it you and I have never felt like we've been normal we've always been the outsiders I mean you know you won last comic standing and they had to sell you especially HBO because Netflix didn't want it really you know look at Netflix what they got and they want you you and I have always been like the dirty dogs a comedy like they always took us last so everything it's like I was telling me or somebody the other day the longest yard was on and it was one of those days I was home my wife is home and I watched it

for like three minutes and my wife said something to me she goes how did you feel why you were shooting that you know I found to be honest I made my fucking point I made my point I tried to tell you motherfuckers be the one listen to me you want to talk about the other guy here I am and once I got and I told me this on the podcast the other day I was okay until I booked the longest yard then they started really hating me once I had to kiss the Indian yeah once you kiss once I booked the longest yard they really started hate me I didn't hate me enough now they really start to hate me because now I spit in their fucking

face so you and you and I have always been those guys you understand like for you to pull off last comic standing that was 22 ass fuckings nobody picked you they had dad their fucking favorites and shit and who they wanted and who was winning but sometimes it don't work like that for guys like us sometimes the streets got your back sometimes the street has your back it really does they really fucking does they remember something you did when you help somebody because I did so many shitty things so I started by selling at 25 years 20 years ago you get people like that yeah those are the people that you were like one

a while you were there bro there's some guy that's that I came to my show in San Jose instead saw you at the Modesto was Joey Cocoa what about the fucking guy that just showed up to Santa Sacramento Louis Blanche right Louis Blanche the whole football coach how many gigs did he give us back in the early fucking 2000s that guy when we needed every dime of that like every fucking dime was necessary like you had to go home with every fucking dime because the cash the bills wouldn't get paid yeah man so if you're looking to fucking change your life people at home there were pairs cash and then I hit

home where y'all want to go to strip bars fucking go to after hours no man take a 7-11 and take us home take a 7-1 take us home that hasn't changed you want to take us to a party of robbers I know the fucking deal you're gonna call your fucking homies and telling them we're here with cash in our pockets cuz I remember motherfuckers are 800 in their pocket they were going down I was getting 200 of that one way or another before they left this house one way another I was either gonna fucking rob them or sell them coke and take 200 but somewhere another I was getting 200 of that cash in my pocket hell yeah bro

so even if it was just a taste something you're gonna get paid before murder martini brother she's gonna go get where she's gonna go she's gonna go get Carbohol we used to eat Felipe that's those fucking Mexican gigs those Texan gigs like I don't even know like somebody just hit me up and asked me if I wanted to go to McLaren and I told me Callan I said they hit me up too late man I already got the plane ticket it's four hours from Austin right I would have gotten down there I would have flown into McCallan first cuz I haven't been down in a while just to get two of those tacos would fucking never good food there

they had good food down there but how long have you been doing comedy for that I'll say 20 years 21 21 yeah 96 my first TV credit where what we're in 2007 22 now so when was the first time you got on stage little brother oh man I got up on stage at the natural fudge and I'm fountain Avenue and I love the boating was there Brian Holtzman was there Jamie Kennedy and the Mooney twins and Cynthia Levine Levin and that was like that was 1995 94 late 94 and I will I didn't know I was going up every week like bro I came on a rehab they want to be a comedian but I know how like no no computers there was no social

media so I went to the Los Angeles Public Library and I have the librarian and can you help me out here man I'm trying to find the books on comedy writing so just sit there bro reading these damn books Steve Allen Jean Perrette Jean Perrette you know what's up fuck yeah you know people don't know bro he caught a gene Perrette break it down and levels break it down the levels for you and you ready for tonight show I had the workshop and for Bob Hope yeah Bob Hope you know what's up come on he was on the road with Bob Hope I read all the gene Perrette books when I started the workshop to work and I never

did nothing for me 25 years later I'm still a shitty writer and I did I did all the exercises I could look in the eyes and tell you I did every one of those I believe Jean Perrette I still do you just never got to me Jean Perrette but I still do you pray well tell you in that book okay so there was one time the book see what books are out late can you enter can you google Jean Perrette books I had to oh right I had three of them which ones did you have I had to one that were I have one right written yeah I had to one were comedy writing with Jean Perrette I think it was comedy writing 101 I think I don't know and

um it talks about him touring with Carson and some other comedians you know Jack Parr Jack Parr yeah and he said that um so he will break it down at this so I had to do 10 25 jokes about golf for Steve Allen so what he would do like he'll put like okay golf on one section and then one section he'll write you might help write down all the equipment I had to do with golf and the next section sell it all this hard work he'll write down things that people say during golf four or five then over here he will write um golf courses he's heard you know or then he'll write funny things he's heard

golf players say so that's just basically helping you like come out with ideas as whole but it's a lot of work it's a lot of organizing organizing so yeah here's 12 books on Amazon but if one of the books but all right he has uh let's for the young comedy writers this is the shit I'm talking about this is the shit man see this is how I know if you did your fucking homework or not because in the beginning if you fall in love with something you will read every fucking line of everything and I was turned down by Gene Perrette Judy Carter was first then it was Gene Perrette and I

really bought into Gene Perrette even though I saw guys among a lot of you there was another book too it's a yellow book it was called how to write funny be funny and make funny I never read that how to be funny and this one will break down oh no how to write funny be funny and make money out of being funny and that book will teach you how to like you're gonna go through Jay Perrette's first of all first to get you know the other book and then um and then that book will tell you like all the different styles like Stephen Wright he's um one liner whatever you know and then um

running danger field this side you know Bobcat go wait and then there was like little jokes about all these comedians in the book Jay Leno's jokes uh Margaret Scho bro you know a lot of older fools and Robert Schimmel like they would he would give you a joke of theirs and then write like something about it yeah on the bottom yeah I remember that and he has here like pitch and here like he would break down a joke over like geometry with a little line okay set up the paw and then a punch line yeah pretty fucking interesting shit I read that stuff I used to get coked up and do the exercises at night like till

five in the morning like I would work five hours on that on Tuesday nights when I was in the comedy maybe two years my friend was a baker his name was Joe Koch he ended up buying that joint Mississippi in Starkville and he would bake all night and I would sit with him and do Jean Perret 101 books all fucking night I would sit there and he would give me all the things to sample I got to like 400 fucking pounds what are the books does he have all right he starts off with the comedy writing self-taught workbook has a hundred practical writing skills

to develop your comedy writing uh the new comedy writing step by step I think it's been revised yeah yeah yeah yeah um comedy writing self-taught the professional skill building course and writing stand-up sketch in situation what you what do you know these books written the uh new comedy writing step by step is 07 07 I think there could be one of these no they were revised right because I was getting his shit in 92 me too I was reading his shit I was doing the workshops in 93 the comedy writing

workbook is 94 yeah and remember like and then well I got into all this and then I will start renting cassettes you know at a library like Lenny Bruce like actual VHS's and I would just start reading his shit all nerd style man and um somebody I went to the alley weekly and that's how I found the natural fudge and but where was the natural fight it was on fountain avenue now it's uh they would have punk rock music and then a comedian was the next punk rock band performed and this guy with name was Johnny Roberts and he had a

local access show Monday nights where he will put up the comedy show on local access but I didn't know what local access was so the first day I go up there man and I see the mooney twins and I said man what are what are these guys Amish you know and everybody laughed but um I had no jokes but then the guy liked me right Johnny because they were like they were like the crowd liked me he goes hey son you're pretty funny come back next week we're having a live taping for my cable show and I thought okay cable show bro so I was like okay because I don't have a car back there so I went through with my

homie Rodney Enos he was a Native American and from the Pima Papago tribe him and I used to get drunk a lot and used to call them young drunks or dancing with wolves because we used to get fucked up bro let me tell you bro these motherfuckers they were Native American Ronald Risky Biz Alfred fucking Nelson bro they were Native American bro about like a year apart and we used to get fucked up anyway so I was sober bro and came on a rehab so I took Rodney with me we went through on the bus let me tell you bro how new I was to comedy all I know was 80s comedy bro like Bobby Collins bro you know what I mean right people like that you know Tom Rose you know I know

I know um you know when we got into comedy these 80s comedy there was a lot more TV show a lot of TV shows geared toward comics like you really got like I remember Felicia Michaels Felicia Michaels from TV like I remember watching being an open mouth comedy him too I remember Bobby on HBO I remember the chicken on HBO Wendy Liebman that does the room now but I wanted to point something out to you real quick not to interrupt your lead you know the people that you go now you see at the fourth wall yeah every night as minute as this sounds three of those people are going to be fucking Lucy K someday yeah if they don't know it did you hear the lineup that he told you who was there the first time he got on stage that's pretty crazy that he remembers

it's such a fucking honor like I can look at Felipe and go Felipe we've been doing comedy together yes for 20 years I mean we came here I was in my 30s and we did comedy together that's a certain bond who walks into the lab and I'm not talking about he I've known him as a comic no I'm talking about it that I used to do 25 shows a year with Felipe we knew the insides and outs we got booked together we got booked together I mean it's been such a beautiful fucking journey as a comic because he's like you know he's like the Ralphie click in my heart like he's part of that Ralphie Ari click in my heart like that this we've been together not that he's been a comedian for 20 years together that's a very weird thing when you go with somebody and well

this pulled best look at him he's dressed like one of the dark bones of what's the what's the Mexican band that sings about a chopper the Lobos a Lobo look at them all he needs is the insignia of the wolf on his jacket that's giving us a go man but it's weird how sitting here with you and what we do when we go to the fourth wall when I look at those guys on stage and then I'm getting lapsed let me tell you something three of those 20 kids are going to be Louis CK in 10 years they don't know it it's a lottery ticket that's all I mean Cynthia Levin Alonzo Bowen the Mooney Twins they were all there Jamie Kennedy Jamie Kennedy you know that went on to do fucking Jimmy Kennedy was living in his car I think I just he wasn't even have enough to ever eat are you listening to

this at home you know like he was he was he was um he didn't know where his career was gonna take him man are you listening to this people I mean he was struggling he was like basically doing like like um he didn't have enough for a girl cheese he was living in his car he had to park it and hide it right there by salt by the by the fucking I was far go out there by the laugh factory you know just to let you know at home nobody strolls into this no man nobody walks into this nobody had to use shit I'm telling you that nobody handed Jamie shit man I'm telling you that's 2018 and I've been doing comedy next to this guy since he was a kid since two 97 I want you to do the math in your head this has not been like somebody just hands you something and go oh you're gonna

get a special on CISO HBO you know I got this kid Felipe I didn't want to talk about this on the show but I have to talk about this because it fucking pisses me to fuck off I got a kid that about two years ago he started hitting me up from my hometown hey how you doing blah blah blah we know the same people but I looked at him he's fucking 30 years younger than me but after about six months of going back and forth it started with the do you mind if I tape your set and I'm like this is my first time it got them they have a camera you know what I'm saying they have a camera they tape the fucking they tape a show on Axis fucking cable on there if I want to tape I get it from him I didn't I just don't want a guy in the back with a stand the place is

sold out yeah you know I just don't want it but I explained to him nicely if I want to tape all I gotta do is tell him to take the tape and okay that's that number two fucking about a month later he hits me up they doesn't know what he wants to do I fucking you know me bro I take an hour out of my fucking day and write him an extended plan this is what you need to do ain't nobody gonna did you just hear what I told you guys when I moved to Boulder I knew nobody nobody nobody it's not like somebody says oh go and see raw on the mall this is me you're going to a town and you I don't know Felipe's done this you go to a town Felipe and you're walking and you have no drugs and you're joneson and you're basically buying drugs by eye contact yeah you know what that's

like Lisa I know I spin man no you don't leave it's a different fucking world when you have to go like like you come here I'm in studio city what are we gonna do dog when we get drunk so you go to Marie tea you got a coffee and you might see a guy with a tattoo of a devil or something and you go up to heaven service I don't mind bothering you I just moved here from Kentucky and I fucking I'm joneson for weed this is way before marijuana in stores when you gotta go up to something and say I'm looking for you know where there are cop you have to fucking take a chance you know what a cop looks like you're a street person a cop always has his shirt nicely tucked in yeah you know what a cop looks like so you just go up to him go listen man I just moved

that's why you don't go up to him and ask him for heroin knucklehead you go up slow and you start off slow with a little reefer and then he'll send you he'll go bro I don't smoke weed I'm sorry but my brother says if you go down to the train station over in North Hollywood and I'm just saying there's people you could get weed down there so now you ask people where the North Hollywood train station is and you walk over there and you walk and get a hot dog because you're not in an asshole you know you're not a fucking junkie you're gonna do it the right way it's like when I go to the weed store and I see a kid parked in front of the weed store I want to smack him don't park in front of the weed store this is a residential name but they're gonna know park down the corner you can't

be that stupid who the fuck raised you you don't park you don't go to the thing and just look around hey you got drugs have your first thing you got a hot dog and you mingle and you're bumping the street people hey man can I get you a hot dog and right away hey come here I'll get you two hot dogs who's selling the weed around here and they'll tie you right there they'll go bro there's no weed but that guy's got fucking the valium and that guy's got heroin boom boom that's how easy it is that's how you gotta go until there's no yell yeah there's no yell for drug dealing when you just get to a town so that it pissed me off that this kid hits me and you don't want somebody to hit you Philippe you have those people that come up to you and they want something but they just don't tell

you yeah it's always like I brought you this and you're like I don't need that like just tell me what the fuck it is that you want what's the problem don't know he says to me I really want to be famous what yeah and I really want to get out of here you know if you could just hope no I can't I don't know nobody what the fuck do I know close time for me then it keeps hitting me like with little tags and shit I don't know if you know there's two types of people like when I go to Burke Christ's house and he invites me over for his daughter's thing or something like over there and I fully pay I want you to know I appreciate this shit like I and I go over there there's two types of people there's people that like people at their house and there's people don't like people at

their house I'm one of those motherfuckers I don't like people at my house you know what I'm saying if you come over I want you to act like a civilized person don't be yelling screaming you know I don't want nobody you know nobody in the house fully pay I got an office at my house I can do the podcast in my house and save 700 but you know I don't want that I don't want nobody in my house I don't want nobody in my house leave my fucking house alone you know what I mean you need 50 for a meal or something I'll give it to you but don't come to my fucking house don't be knocking these yeah don't be knocking I'll let you know when it's time to come over my fucking house I'll let you know I'm one of those dudes you know he called it like about a

month ago he started with that shit like if we could just get some help and I finally had to shout him down it's listen there's no help bro you're a young guy go steal it I just need help to get out of here what do you think I did to get out of New Jersey you think I just worked no I did what you did I worked selling doing fruit for two nights and I said this is fucking slave labor and I went and borrowed money from a loan shark and I left and I owe them fucking a thousand dollars man who gives a fuck that's how you make a move so you make sure you don't come back also in the Midwest you put yourself in a position so you make sure you don't come back crazy man I was in the Midwest and I hung out with him some comics you know like in the Midwest

and then later on man this comic I just made it goes hey man I'm gonna be coming to our later man I could crash at your house right and I'm like hell no at least I'm telling you the truth hell no I got a daughter I told her how I got a wife I don't know why I'm a son you can come over my house not a green room you come over Lee from leaping come over I do come I don't know these Peaceful and I finally had a sentiment email going first off bro before you give me any attitude. I don't know you yeah I don't know you you want from me. I don't know you you know I need how many Felipe how many people con you here? I tell these for you know I was telling about a month ago leave said that he spoke to some guy about a job and the guy wanted a hire Lee

To sell content to put on a website and I go Lee you don't want to do that legal why not I go cuz Lee Every comic that's a friend of mine has already been terrorized So I think we want to do with a million great ideas with a million great ideas and to give up our content because guess what at the end of The day we don't get paid. That's only your emails That's bullshit that we nobody gets a dime. Yeah, I want to get all the content I give you give us all you and you give them videos and there's no money guess who's swallowing the YouTube they are All these people the last fact you just hit me about three months ago We want to put your video up. No because for what I don't get nothing right you tell me I'm gonna get something

I don't get nothing. I went to laugh boss. I did that comedy that the people take my set and Can we put it on our website? We'll pay your percentage. I want about a year guy a million things So nobody wants to hear nothing don't come to us with no scams I told them I said don't go to these comics with scams. They're not gonna talk to you And I got they're gonna turn that back we got scammed with the CD that they saw to the army and a DVD and the DVD Millions we've been scammed Joe Diaz. They paid us man. I'm gonna say man 1500 they paid all the cash and check and And then when when Joe Diaz told that guy all right, man

When Joe Diaz got the money in a check he told that guy his face See you never again Yeah, but you know man They're gonna come back. I never gonna come back and that's that was aired everywhere, bro That tape that was that we were in viral 9-11 We did that before 9-11 and what the people did was there's a commissary over and when Iraq or Iran or whatever they went And that was the number one Filipinos That wasn't my number

That was the number one video that they were selling because I was seeing soldiers on the street and they would come up to me and go Bro, Gina you made my fucking stay so much easier with that tape And I remember I got the longest yard and I was so pissed I took money from the longest yard and hired an attorney I was telling Lee the other day that there was a time. I didn't have a very good relationship with the ice house We cornered Bob Fisher the mall one time. There you go. There you go Lee with you I don't fuck around man. You owe us money if I give you How you and I were at the mall and we saw Bob Fisher then we just walked no chain Bob Fisher Whatever to that fucking I'm coming to pick up the money or whatever it was his face got purple

You I never got anything money. Yes, you did. Yes, you fucking did you got money now We want our fucking money. So for a long time I didn't have a good relationship with the eyes out because I kept telling them my next time I see I'm a fucking strangle you we're supposed to get a dime all of us split a dime together Yeah, I guess and when I found out but but I found out by a guy In the Navy was there was a guy that was burning that particular DVD with Joe Diaz me and him the devil and Vic Dunlop and I think I don't know if it's Edwin But he was fuck he made a bunch of copies and he was like selling them to the officer for five bucks

We got killed on that, but you know what you make it up later on if it's meant to be it's meant to be You don't cry over spilled milk. He's gonna be happy though man No, you're never happy at first, but that's why I tell people when they come to me with that stuff now You know what? I love you, but I don't want no involvement I don't want no involvement, especially when it's a comic Oh, that comes up to you like somebody who's friends with a comic and they come up to you with a scam Your blood pressure gets boiling. You're like I see this coming already. I don't like it Well, we're doing this like the bowling alley can meet it wasn't the other guys do the bowling alleys at one time

He recorded us. He was selling your DVD Well Rick Martinez Rick Martinez, I told Lee about another one Lee He's the guy that told me how to show never one you should sell DVDs like oh, I don't have one I won't because I take you last time Heineken when I think in the dog to straighten. I'm sorry. I don't know. We don't have an opener though You open it with your teeth. You know what I'm saying a lighter. Look at you. Oh fucking school, huh? This job bouncing right here, bro. You're not fucking around. You're not fucking around. Look at him. He needs that beer bad Let me give some shout outs real quick over bro. I wasn't applying your little vegan glasses

I like those fucking yeah, but I'm out of wood, bro You gotta either be my man Tyler Benoy fucking family Denford Berry man cod man Daniel Wheatley Sean Welsh R2S with my brother from Staten Island Anthony Z Bradley Yandle Mamosa poppy and Canadian motherfucking Bronco, baby

I want to give you a little fucking some loving here, you know mid-year to get you start on the right foot And don't forget next Thursday night the 18th I'm headed with the fucking Nazi killer With my main man the Nazi killer Lisa Yat and to Austin, Texas will be a cap city Friday's halfway gone saturday's gone Or you got his friday early in thursday and the charlotte comedy zone the following thursday the 25th I'll see you savages there tip top magoo ready to go Smoking reefer and fucking eating the best food in fucking charlotte

And that's it motherfuckers. You know what I'm saying my man Felipe's gonna be in new york city next weekend. What's the date? I'm gonna be there this saturday at this saturday this saturday this saturday Yeah, we ain't fucking around January 13th January 13th the day the devil was buried at sea. What are you gonna be performing? I'm gonna be at the at the playstation theater one show eight o'clock. We have a special host Louis Guzman, bro Okay from boogie nights

Send them my love I shot the pilot for the louis guzman show Did you know that I shot the pilot for that me and uh, I think rudy Yeah, rudy merino and this other dude. We shot the pilot I shot the pilot louis didn't like me I let him know I got into the fight with the fucking director Because he kept me it was a fucking god awful show Yeah, it was god awful. It was god But if there's no way

Let me tell you how bad it was how bad was it That my wife who doesn't say a bad word about anybody told me I'm the right home boy boy I don't think that show's gonna get picked up. I remember looking at me shocked at first and going you saw that too It was god awful. It was written horribly That was the first time I realized fox doesn't have a fucking clue Of what the fuck they're doing You know when you people when I say little things and you people might gotta find it about a network or something

Bitch, it's because I've been on that fucking over and I walked around I've been on a couple of their shows And I gotta tell you something, bro I've been burnt more from fox than anything and no shows are fucking brutal And every time you shoot for fox they put you further and further into the fucking dungeon Watch with my luck tomorrow. I have a fucking audition with fox and they'll say to me I heard what you saw in the fucking podcast, but it's true My pilot got picked up by fox. Yo, my pilot did it. Yeah, but I don't even I don't know if I'm still involved because I think I'm now um ever long or is attached with the same showrunners

And duttony bar and I so we'll see what happens man. Oh good. Oh, I took that back from fox Then fox is an expert but you're right about some networks man. Don't they'll go like When they go um the head writer and latin at an all latino show might be a white guy, man And you're like he from detroit. I know latinos. Yeah, but but you know midwestern latinos What do you know about west coast chicanos? That's what you know They think just doing a goose man throwing in a low rider And having the lead actor fall in love with the white shake is a good formula But not everybody else gonna hook up with a white she if you have it on youtube the louis guzman show

See if you have it on youtube. Just so here's the problem for me. We'll be there at that show on This Thursday this this saturday the saturday night playstation theater. Where's it located? It's located in manhattan manhattan. There you go. You take it from fucking there. It's gonna be rodrigo torres louis guzman myself toby hicks and march on riso, bro You're taking march. Hell yeah, bro. You're taking never been there. You're taking the whole fucking crew with you Gabriel style you're taking eight motherfuckers with you telling you bro, man. Shit I give back. I hear you gotta give the little the young community a little taste, bro to give him hope He's still booking commercials resort. He's booking something, bro. Is he I know he does like an after-school program

What he teaches art No, there's nothing there. Yeah, I'll think so in january 19. I'm gonna be at the Primera taza I'm gonna have breakfast and I'm selling tickets to my show At the novel theater March 23rd. That's a nice place, bro. The novel it is, bro I got one night march 23rd And hopefully that'll do well and march 24th also

But um a lot of times, you know, people don't want to pay the surcharges. So at Primera taza and Boyle Heights I'm gonna be there Selling the actual ticket for the show at the right price. No taxes or the tax already included But no surcharges. So if you're gonna be paid 30 dollars just for the ticket It's not gonna be 40 for the 55. It's gonna be the exact price 30 bucks and I'll have my vinyl there I have I don't know you guys get to my vinyl. No, you didn't bring it. I saw it. I saw it. Well, it's in the mail Okay, I must I'll bring a person in the car in the car. I got a vinyl of my special. Um translate this So yeah, special did well a lot of people got to see it. It was great. You know what?

A lot of people are coming up to me and say they liked it. Um, I'm so very surprised that Tom Rhodes actually saw him and his girlfriend And so that was cool. Well, he fucking saw it. We went we were very generous and invited, um, paul and out of your Premier, but I forgot to tell you about least least side eight more vegan tacos than regular tacos at that party I know he's fun. Love bro. He don't want to tell you Delicious, huh? But they were delicious bro vegan goat you had So there's that sacrilege for this guy, right? That's what it is. Sacrilege is bro. It doesn't vegan Goat bro. You loved it, bro. I don't know if I loved this guy eats the worst food in the world, bro

If he tells you he likes something it's bad It's really bad, bro What he and his girlfriend like It would blow your mind what they need So you know and they look at each other and clap and smile when they're eating it Some other people would look at that shit and go I want my fucking money back. Have you like deli's? You know Jewish, right? No, he don't like delis. He likes that. I saw this tone. So I was like, what the fuck? Oh, he likes tongue. He likes you tongue. No, I don't know. He won't eat the bro anything good

I was a little boy won't let you we get you a little tongue. I used to eat Don't talk with oh you have no idea If he told you that tofu was good, it probably was to him and you're eating it too like a fucking morta. You are Eating that shit. It was delicious. I just saw somebody there was a there's a a burger on Weight Watches That you put a slice of tofu on Why would you put like a marinated tofu on a fucking piece of burger? Delicious if you sold that shit at a restaurant, I would not step into your fucking restaurant at all If I find out you have tofu burnt, I don't get it. I just don't get it

I don't understand it. Oh, man, and you're Mexican. That's what kills me. We're bolder We are we know that's your heaven. We walked into a raw restaurant. Oh, yeah, we go ordered a raw Mini slice slider and it was all made with rocks. So nothing was cut raw burger it was like oh the the bread was made out of like this Toasty bread and the middle was like beans and the cheese was made of the cashew and the ketchup made natural Tomato do nothing was cooked Rodrigo hated it. No, but he ate two tacos next time you go to bolder

You just call me and go I'm going to bolder in two days. That's all notice. I need just how to go to open a cow register No, I'm gonna hook you up with one of the finest people and cooks I've ever met my life Antonio la desio That's all you need to know That's all you need to know He had three brothers He had three brothers One ran a restaurant in Miami the other one in san francisco the other one in bolder than the other one in new york

One of those towns like sound like you're doing And that's exactly what they did when the cops weren't looking for them. They all jumped on a ship They shot they got on sailboats and they went around the world to evade prostitution proc Prostitution prosecution They had to cut a deal with the government. I met him when they cut a deal with the government I met the wife first when she was running the restaurant And I then I was in the halfway house with the husband and then we became fucking goombas still today. I still call

He's italian and he speaks better and spanish than the both of you fucking knuckleheads That's how real he is he's his And on his restaurant menu he would on fridays would be either cuban food Or mexican food and he would cook it and your fucking head would blow up He's got a restaurant now, but I would have sent you down on saturday to the farmers market Where he makes pizza by hand And you get back to me He's about 80 now. He's old. I just talked to him a couple months ago

He's my dog. That's where I would have sent you in bolder. I don't think you can have it What do you think you have what you can't have the pizza because of the egg right no the cheese Doesn't fucking matter you eat it. That's antonio ledigio. Who gives a fucking dietary needs up You're eating royalty. You know what I am? Well, one day you get away from eating that billy goat food And fucking get a fucking some protein and your Fucking tofu and gook-foo and that shit You know how much fucking good food there is in bolder and you're eating a raw fucking burger

I would have put roller skates on him left him and told and told me Hicks would really be ashamed of himself because he's black from Omaha from Omaha The land the fucking stakes. He was the only black dude. I know this, bro The only fucking black people bolder football players and when they got online they beat on them too They've been beating on those people for years. I tell you the reason why I got away with my beef biggest beef in bolder The biggest thing I ever did when I had two families was to smack my ex-girlfriend's husband For calling me a spick and I got away with Because in the city limit me limits of bolder. You can't use a racial slur in bolder because of the black football players

They got tortured so much one of them jj Flanagan punched the chicken the fucking eye and knocked their eye out of some something fucking crazy So you can't fucking use racial slurs to say limits of bolder. They probably changed it by now after john bennett fucking anything goes We killed the kid at this point who gives a fuck about black people. Hey, you don't know. You don't know fucking bolder. You never know I don't fucking know you know what's the matter with you zambos everybody's I'm gonna be in um, I'm gonna Hawaii man with pearl driggers. Oh, yeah um, hello Hello and hannah lulu

Aloha, aloha higher Shout out to andi boomer tie Legend lens. I don't even know where the fucking boomer tie is Maybe go to colorado lee I drove through it once on the way here. Just stopping done. Yeah, right out at a motel six right outside of Denver That's it. I was driving here I've always wanted to go back It seems nice. It seems very enough. I don't know. It's like I told you guys

Are you ready for this guys? They got the legalized weed. Yeah weed store I told you in the beginning of the podcast that sunset herbal the home of the stars They open from 6 a.m. Now The 10th a fucking clock at night. That's crazy. Go see my girl sky She's gonna work from 6 a.m. Every day the two they got like a serve bagels I mean they're gonna fucking big over that but guess what people let me tell you what california got themselves into So for a 60 dollar bag of weed it's 16 dollars a tax So a 60 dollar bag of weed now cost you 70

six dollars They don't really charge me. I just tell them what I want and they give me a number and I give it to when I tip the girls but 60 16 dollars on 60 dollars worth of marijuana and I think you wanted it. You fucking got it. You fucking dummies I think in Nevada it's closer to a hundred percent. Isn't it like tax? No I know that um colorado t of 25 percent review 20 peppers and I don't go let me tell you something there's one weed store

I go into when I do the comedy works because they're very nice people That's the one by the condor on the corner. We don't think the condor. Do you know? No, you go downstairs No, I go to hold. Yeah. Yeah, I go downstairs real clean, right? Nice. Nice people. Yeah. Yeah, I mentioned that one I go to that one. They take care of me They always tell you Dave Chappelle was here, you know, do they they always tell me that Yeah Rodrigo Torres over here. It's like a south. Rodrigo Torres. Like I said, it's gonna be the prayer, right? Generally what?

Like I said, 16. Like I said in the beginning of uh Yeah, this can't become a promotion show. I'm not the only Who cares about Hawaii just promote new york There's new york. Don't worry about how I know how new york. That's right. Let's worry about new york This Saturday, Hawaii and this guy and brand Mom going what the fuck is going on there? But it's really crazy when now that we were here we were here for the fucking regular weed, uh You know for the first boom and it was very interesting and now where it's become

And even with this fucking colorado thing, you know, like now I go like I said when I go to colorado I don't even bother going to the fucking weed store because I bring my own shit But wow, that's the first time I got killed at one of these fucking things this morning I was wrong. It's 15 percent. Well, we're in vegas and yeah in the in the bottom I thought it was more But no, I can't be hunting. How are you gonna go spend a hundred hours on weed and a hundred hours in the taxi? You got to be a fucking moron to even walk in there You really got to be a fucking tourist to walk in there. I want to do something like that

That just sounds and that's what they're guiding it for. Listen California is pointing that to just like colorado listen They're gonna do the same thing and guess what if you think colorado was fucking you California's gonna bang you up the ass twice. They don't give a fuck It's tough to get that license and it's tough to do all this shit They're making these girls six in the fucking morning to 10 o'clock at night Is that necessary? Is that fucking necessary?

Even I don't need a weed store open to fucking six even me. I don't need a weed store open at six I'm all right. I always have a little something for the mouse in the morning You know what I'm saying? If you only got something for the mouse in the morning, you ain't fucking real Jesus now when are you planning on shooting another special for me? um My deal with hbo is two years or probably in two years. So you're shooting one in two more years Yes, hopefully it'll be with hbo or I'll get a better deal with somebody or hopefully hbo and

I want what I want to do. I want to host a stand-up show where I could showcase convenience, you know, like kind of like when I'm when um I gave her had stand-up revolution, you know, I want to show do a show like that something original original. Yeah, yeah Fuck out of here. You want to show I'm bringing up fucking? Yeah, I'm not gonna show I'm bringing up on the comments. Oh, what can you do? Can you do an explosion in between? Can you shoot a comic? I mean, look, that's why the freak show, bro That's why the networks don't do it no more because it became like this fucking

I always thought it would change to To cater I'll fix my pitch like something to to make it different like but then we never came up with nothing better Then one guy okay loco's, you know, look at like the rodney specials. They were the Epitome young comedians the young comedians that's what but not everybody they didn't put up a thousand people though It's just six six all year It was it wasn't like a series. That's what they fucked up. How many comics get hot every year There's comics to the working comics. I'm a working Yeah, I'm a working

Those days are over with a hot comic and chappelle. It's fucking look one Sebastian. It's fucking bill burr They're hot comics. You know, so I don't I don't care about that. I'm kevin I'm for kevin. Okay, bro. I'm fortunate to be fucking working. I'm very fortunate just to be fucking working but I'm in the nation six comics is a year That's what comes out of fucking anywhere six comics a year You know, when you watch that when you watch well young comedians and the one rodney did with the Already established guys

Was something different See that that's a nice one what he did with seinfeld and Picks and clay kinesin kinesin lennie clarence Okay, go away. Bob. No, that wasn't Robert Townsend Robert Townsend And the the gay kids Yes, Jeff Altman was on that one That's right. Jeff Altman and jeff Robert Trimmel. Yeah, Robert Trimmel was on those and jeff jeff. What what the guy was a man

Oh my god, man. It was good, bro. Tell people how good the motherfucker was Jeff what what I fuck so if you were to get into boxing what you're gonna do is my name is jeffy jeff Jiffy jams jiff What the fuck who's talking to that shit Very special. He had the football player. Yeah, see it's weird who the mom the mom No, the the most outstanding ones were jiffy jeff jiffy jiff. He was cross my head and fucking uh And it's funny. You know who reminds me of jiffy jeff and all that guy. You know, it's like a Rick be the the potato. Have you ever worked with rick? I don't know that is

Rick the potato I think he's a staten island guy, but he's new jersey. He's got a lot of videos on youtube Funny motherfucker He's a garbage man in new york, and he's uh father, you know, and he has a bro. I worked with him 15 years ago Felipe he's a writer like you. He took me To the fucking cleaners with a joke about taking his family to florida with four kids in the car Tonga I was in the back. I couldn't fucking breathe I couldn't fucking breathe. He's one of those comics. He's been around for 30 years. You know, I love the guy. He's a working comic

Yeah, he's not a hot comic. He's a working comic It's weird like though like the comedian like You've never seen this guy in a podcast, you know, he don't do too many podcasts This guy hardly has her email or or yahoo or any not even an a-way all counting nothing But they're hilarious Dude, what are you doing? You know like like I work with a guy named chuck bartell You know, he opened up for me and I found out the he had opened up for next warden and Tom papa I couldn't find his phone number. I saw him at the I saw him at the comedy magic ones

And um, I called the lab factory tom papa called him I called him him and I we did a bunch of shows together ventura chicago Now he's gone again. I can't find him. But this guy's hilarious, bro. He had a joke where he says that, um, um They say that um, sometimes fireworks Gunshots sound like fireworks. So last year, um 34th of july my neighbor killed and shot his whole family and I'm outside my house with a hot dog singing god bless america Dude, but this guy's dark and now he's pretty funny, man

But you know one of those guys he's just a working comic chuck bartell. Here's the problem that you have Felipe See when I got into comedy, I got into comedy to hide Like I got into comedy to be like an outlaw comic like I was just gonna do comedy from town to town Do drugs sleep and that's it. That was it. I didn't want much. I didn't want a web page It's it's and I've said this a thousand times. I really don't like when People develop an ally Because it puts too much unnecessary stress on you. Do you have a headshot? Do you have a website?

See your package you don't have a manager You want to be, you know, I want to be on chelsea. Well, how many followers you got you just fucking started comedy If you start comedy in michigan, you don't talk about headshots You just talk about comedy. Yeah, let's go from minnesota. You just talk about comedy That's it when you start comedy in boston talk about comedy Nobody goes. Hey, man, there's an agent looking for people to be on a tv show. You don't think about that outside shit That's only here. Yeah, so it fucks you up in a way. I'm very happy. I didn't develop here Because they're already talking to you about developmental deals at the two year mark

And you don't even have the fundamentals of how to hold them pocket microphone So that's what I like, you know, like anything else you got to have the fucking basics in you You know, Felipe got basics. You got basics. I mean you learned from You were around those schoolers, but if you want you don't watch young comics And then like they don't have the basics down. They were drinking her hand for five minutes It's like they put a drink up as a prop to try to throw you off this little I'm 25 years old. I've never brought a cocktail up on stage Do you know that even in my fucking craziness? I've never brought a cocktail up on stage. I think that's offensive

I think that's really fucking offensive unless you're Ron white. Yeah, look at the power Yeah, unless you're somebody like that It's your soul you want to bring a fucking picture up go But if you're faking it like to be cool to pick up chicks and they stir the drink out there Yeah tries me fucking crazy. That's not comedy That has nothing to do with comedy. Don't take the drink up there when they bring a beer in their hand What are you doing? Are you taking bond up there?

The audience the club owners like it because you're promoting the beer and people see that you're drinking So they sell extra beer. I don't give a fuck about them. I'm worried about my comedy I'm worried about doing fucking comedy. I'm worried about giving them the best show I could give them That's the differences. That's why I don't bring that shit up there So many tricks people do I know they're up there Some of them are doing their comedy and they're kind of like dancing with their beer like moving around with it I hate that shit and I'm a fucking junkie You know, I never you know, it's like I would love see I would love to go on stage and bring a joint up on stage

Oh, me too, man. Give me three joints. I don't want my sets over When is it over when I smoke the half it, you know, I'm gonna say because I won't smoke the whole joint You'll smoke a half But for me to like my next special if I don't do this with Netflix if Netflix says no to me Really doesn't bother me Because my next special I'm gonna do it's gonna call through it's gonna be called three joints The sets over when the three joints are gone I'll find the place to let me smoke pot. Even if it's the fourth wall

I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck That's it be fun. Yeah, that's it the sets over when you smoke three joints That's it That's my next comedy special and then I retire from this motherfucker. Oh, I die. I get hit by a car Like that video that fucking isn't this happening this year. What are you talking about? Let me tell you something that fucking what's that crazy dude from miami That puts all the videos up and shit. Have you seen his last video he put up? What's that?

I know your time the fucking guy from miami that used to call him to the podcast The product director dino korbin Have you seen billy called billy korbin's video he put up about some guy got 20 years for hitting a kid on the scooter And they show the guy getting hit on a fucking Huh the guy who did cocaine cowboys Put up a video yesterday I was some guy like on the scooter at night whistling down the street like like one of those spanish dudes I take those beats things at night. You're driving and you see like those mexicans

On a bicycle and a fucking and a fucking drunk driver Just clocks this fucking guy with this truck. I mean the guy lived in shit There was a bunch of people walking they ran and saved them two people got out of that car See if you can find the video Listen Why is this fun? The guy was like that guy got hit his fucking he was skidding on the side where If that guy dies, bro, somebody cuts his leg. Let's take him

That's how you gotta stake him when a dude's leg fall off after an accident Some guy just happens to be there picks up that legs and runs with a jack. Oh my god. It's the truth I ain't gonna lie to you dog Oh, here it is. Okay. Is it there show put it on the big switch. Just listen to billy's tweet Miami prostitute and passenger seat in car. What's this put the video on will you show the filipe? He's gonna fucking die Look at this shit dog. He clocks this dude heavy duty I mean poor guy got arrested solo or whatever. I think she lived

Whoa, look at this do that again put And you know what's sad, it's only got 2400 Rick Guterres. Look at him. He looks like a lot of people My Robin Velasco was sent to tuesday the 20 years in prison for the crash A hooker in his car was a star witness at the trial I was blowing here when the whole team went down. Look at this shit, bro Look at this poor bastard. Look at them looking for an angle, huh? No, but same angle. Oh my god Thank god the hooker has that would have killed me because I'm fat

Oh Robert Velasco was sentenced to his day 20 years in prison. This is why guys This is why when lee wanted to get a bicycle. I voted against it You want to ride a bicycle go to the fucking 24 hour fitness? And you get on that little scooter and you ride all you want with the helmet on and I'll put a sticker on your helmet But you're a dumb fuck you drive your bicycle in the wrong places, bro. This is what happens to you It's not that I'm anti-bicycle. I don't I don't trust people on the fucking roads and this is the reason why I trust You I trust me on a bicycle

I just don't trust anybody else and that could happen I know two people were fucked up on bicycles right here in studio city right here Trying to be cute riding their bicycles one chick from yoga got blasted at night. I looked at that. I go You really ride your bike at night Yeah, it's okay. There's a bike path. Okay. Is that is that safe? It don't matter somewhere How do you get to the bike path? You're gonna walk that bicycle just drive it to the bike path You know what you have to do it drive to the bike path. Yeah drives on the bike path You see that got a deal with it anything to save a calorie

It's fucking No, but who's who takes the that's what I'm saying to you. That's my point It's on the way to the fucking bike path where you get clocked with that fucking right. That's all I was trying to avoid This is why I don't know no no no no you want to ride a bicycle Get yourself a little bicycle and put it on your balcony. You get vitamin D at the same time That's the answer to vitamin D. But to ride a bike on the street Who the fucking you kid? You have a hard time walking. You won't leave the house in the daytime He didn't leave the house till 2 30 yesterday. It's poor bastard. You had a bike. No, you know, I have no fucking food

That's a chariot. I wrote a bike up when I was up north. So I Reinvigorated my love for it. So, you know, I'm not Uh, San Jose you wrote a bike. Yeah, google they have bikes just hanging out at google because google's so big So you just get on a bison. Yeah, we just got on the road around a little bit Did you have a helmet? No, it's scary a good chance. I didn't I didn't go on the street. I just went through their parking lots Yeah, it's you're an animal. It's real I don't fucking like it. I don't fucking like it at all motorcycles

You go on the 405 and you see those fucking scooters flying by in the hov lane and you're like, bro one damn He's gonna go there. You know, no no no motorcycles are terrifying I would never do that and if you're riding a bicycle motorcycle, you know, I love you and I care for you And I'm not saying nothing a negative light But the odds are always against you especially now Especially in california with these fucking people every morning. I wake up and somebody's getting hit by a car. There's a hit and run Three mornings a week There's a hit and run in california and it's always in the shitty neighborhoods

It's and it's always somebody fucking nice as fuck A grandmother who goes to get a gallon of milk at 11 for her grandchildren or something It's never like some fucking gang members or nothing It's always like somebody who did something nice That gets whacked by a fucking car in the middle of the night. No no no no no The ride on the fucking bike, but I don't even like listen. I've become so fucking I used to walk around new york city For years with earphones on with the Walkman remember the walk. Yes

I am petrified to walk around the park with earphones on that. I can't hear somebody sneak up Oh, yeah, I always have one ear, but in one ear, but out. Yeah, I know I don't want to do that Because I'm hearing birds and kids yelling So yeah, who needs that shit You know I'm saying I don't want to hear birds and kids yelling. I got the forest around me. You have to fully Like be row row row. I'm fucking deaf. I want to hear shit. I don't want to hear some fucking uh, okay I want to hear music, but I've become so paranoid about my surroundings In my older age because people don't give a fuck

People don't really give a fuck till he could be walking or somebody come up to you and stab you with a sword And next thing, you know, they don't like white people. Yeah, they don't like white people or something. Who comes to calvary a Guys and if you're not walking around looking for that, there's there's something wrong with you every day And especially like if you go to new york, look at fucking new york. There's always drama in new york on those Yeah, so I got here with a hammer on youtube somebody just told me they went to the oh john bud John bug goes let me tell you what happened john bug goes every day. There's something different on the subway He goes that is a fucking nightmare John bud went back bro, and he says it was the longest vacation of his life. Oh my god

I tell people listen when you got a girlfriend. It's three days When you got a girlfriend in a strange town, it's three days anything after three days, you're looking for trouble Especially in new york. That's a lot of walking and a lot of spending. I ain't fucking poke the harness You got three days to do what you want to do They hit you with the museum of natural history. There's that this that this that this that that's great. That's a great fucking plan But you better pick three and hold on tight to that because all this shit costs money And all this shit takes a lot of effort. He goes he was never so cold in his life His girlfriend got sick. He ended up getting sick

But I sent him to art the avenue to get fucking italian food And he said it was because he was gonna go to those fucking Those traps down in little lily It's borrow. It's amazing. What's up? We're not good then trash I wouldn't go there because they were standing outside the outside the restaurant like italian when I see No, I don't mean literally no good food. I don't go down there. I go to the mulberry. No, I go to that You want real italian? Yeah real fucking italian

Go to make a reservation when you leave here for mario's or the other one next to it. I can't remember Art the avenue in the Bronx That's the last gem Listen to me. That's the last gem more than mulberry. Oh, yeah Mulberry's just a bunch of tourists go down there. I see the sopranos or what John Gotti was or whatever That's done. Those days are done So that's trying to always been bad. No, no, no, they were good at what dominix. They were good at one time But they sold them to somebody else. That's what those people were gangsters

They're where the gangsters. They're in jail. They're dead. So they sold dominix's cash only. Yeah, that's how good that fucking place is though Just go to art the avenue. Do not waste your time anywhere else anymore. Get mario's get that bread from the Bronx Get that bread from the Bronx learn what good fucking bread is when you break that bread from the Bronx This is bread. This is as good as it's gonna get, you know, some olive oil Whatever butter, olive oil or tofu, whatever the fuck you're gonna you're gonna ruin it. Anyway, you're gonna fuck that meal up Anyway, I wouldn't take it in mario's because you're gonna fucking depress me in there at some point Angel hair pasta, what do you eat? What do you eat? Angel hair pasta spaghetti sauce angel hair pasta. It's nothing else. No

No, I wouldn't even waste my time. Take them the fucking Starbows, where's it go sparrows sparrows. That's where you belong vegan. You gotta go there and get a meatball How about those dally's bandos catch daddy? What are you gonna eat there catch dally's closed? Yeah Yeah, what are you gonna eat there? You can't eat salami, right? No So what are you gonna waste people's time for going in and insulting them avocado toast? No, don't go in there Go to some place. I don't make avocado toast. I don't make avocado toast What are you wasting people's time with that and Barry? They know you're part of the church Do you come in there? You order an avocado toast it gets back to me and then my feelings get hurt

You know I'm saying I'm probably gonna Chloe's you wanted to die. I got a Chloe's is some hindu vegan place We love the fucking, you know the flaming tofu What do you wait for once in a vegan restaurant one time? And the waitress they ask you they tell you they ask you before you eat. What are you grateful for? For you fucking getting shot. That's what I'm going to do a restaurant. I waited for a way to go to hybrids Um, what are you grateful for? That's where I get up. That's why I don't go to dinner parties That's why I'm going to dinner parties. Have you been to a dinner party the last two years? Three years is a new thing with white people. They all look around each other 19 people

And they don't want to say at one point get up and say what you're grateful for You know what I did that this morning. Oh, man. I said that directly to god Why am I going to say to 19 people I gotta hit 19 year beatings before I bite into this fucking salad Number one. I walked in the door hungry and you had a tofu platter with fucking There was no salami. There was no nothing You ever go to those parties where you walk in stone and they got no fucking food And now they serve the dinner like an hour later and you got to wait an hour to fucking eat and your fucking roast that ready Forget it. I don't go to I don't want to know nothing. What are you grateful for?

You know what like and you that you asked me that question because now I can get up and get the fuck out of here That's why I cannot stand dinner parties when there's more than four people on the table I avoid those like the playing dog That's what people do and fucking Monterey partner not Monterey here. No, no, no, no They all go to the west side all the people and Santa Monica. They always have the dinner parties Why don't you come the topic will be love. Listen, leave me the fuck alone. Oh my god Because number two, you know what else they do they measure food

And nothing insults me more than when you go to somebody's house and they measure food Like people who work in the ring you ever go to somebody's house and they were a chef or something They measure fucking food You want to piss me off measure food. I'm taking what I want. Maybe I don't like the corn Wait, maybe I don't like the fucking corn. Not everything is like buffet style, Joe Not anything is what not everything is that don't invite me to your house They then don't invite me to you. I said my wife my wife went to pornos this morning To get some shit. Oh, by the way, you're invited. You're always all invited the park saturday 11

She calls me she goes, I got 40 potatoes. I go there's 40 fucking people getting 90 balls I want to throw away food. Yeah, I want to throw away fucking food. You know what I mean? Like whenever you're gonna party and they run out of food. That's an insult to me though That's an insult to me. You just insulted. They're no more shrimp. Are you fucking? Yeah, then go get more Go get more, you know, how can you have a parcel when I have a party? I want to throw away food I was raised. It's a birthday. It's a birthday. I want everybody go crazy There's only one birthday a fucking year. She's only gonna have this once Like I said, I might be dead in two fucking years. I got to celebrate these birthdays when I got them

It's the truth, bro. Nobody sends nobody tells you when the grim reaper's coming. You know what I'm saying? There's two things I know. There's only one person who he was getting shot. That was kelly. He was waving Kelly was the only guy that was waving while he got shot. He knew he knew that he was the real psychic of the mall Hey, if you're gonna drop knowledge in the drop knowledge, you know what I'm saying? It's good to see you, Felipe. Good to see you guys too, man. I'm happy you came up to me. I'm happy we thought I'm happy we spoke about the journey of coming. Oh, yeah, about gene pared Well, not even gene pared. I just want people to know that like I said, I've been doing and I'm not even from LA That's the scary thing

I'm not even front of LA if I was would have been from LA. I would have been there when he got on stage the first time But that's just to show you guys that when you go to your little fucking open mics And you're a little frustrated and you don't know that out of the 12 people in that room Three you guys are going to be fucking stars and it's not going to be It's not going to be a big Mystery to who it's going to be those stars. It's the people that stuck with it And took it seriously

That's that's amazing story, Felipe that you told me I never knew that what that's the first place. When did you meet willy? I met willy in 99 like in the 90s like I got my first tv credit in 1996. What was it? Latino laugh at the voltage about theirs and um Great, you're all though. Okay. That was that each. Yeah, I got that one And I met though. I met um, I was at wall dose comedy station And um, they were doing comedy at the Hollywood hotel room and I met willy barsana at I met johnny sanchez first. I met johnny sanchez first and then I met um willy barsana at the

The same comedy show on a saturday night He was wearing a dodger shirt a dodger hat And he came out to me and he said, what's up, man? You're from Boyle Heights. I'm from Boyle Heights We should have lunch, bro But I don't know shit about no man asking you for lunch So I thought I was like I thought she was gay, bro. So I never called that fool So now when you were doing this in 95 he got mad when I finally called him. Did you guys 95 94? I know you guys had a little comedy clique. Carlos had a little show, right?

Carlos had Carlos mincea. Yeah, he had hosted a show called comedy compadres compadres and comedy something That was an HBO and but comedy compadres first and by that yeah, it's channel five by that time he had like Pablo He had a couple people on that show out of Francisco. They'll write him about this Wow, he had that danny and his brother the twins remember them Yeah That's great. I remember beast being an Colorado dreaming about being on that show and then he got the show on HBO. Yeah, what was that called comedy? Local slam local slam

and that was Yeah, that was a good show I remember when they had the auditions. I was like a young all that open mic And I saw Freddy's solo audition and he said Hey, bro, you should be auditioning but I have no clue what was going on. So like outside watching and going am I okay? But I didn't know anybody in there And what were you auditioning for? I did an audition everyone was auditioned at the comedy store for comedy picante. No local slam hosted by

by Hosted by carlomassia produced by nelly galan Parra Rodriguez and Jeff Valdez for HBO It was supposed to be that the latino virgin of death jam death jam at the end. They would wave at Paul Rodriguez Yeah, I probably would say and he would take a bow But I never was never on that show I did I wanted to be on it. Oh my god Oh, man, I wanted to be on coaching class when coaching class was on But um, I didn't get a chance to a 96

It was weird because After the culture clash thing They were doing I remember even gluis guzman on house a buggy house a buggy was funny So there was I'm gonna fuck so all these fucking there was all these opportunities for latinos But bro, I wasn't getting them No, and then when I came on I think I wasn't getting them either, you know It was cool so weird, but these guys befriended me and they didn't give a fuck that you know Paul finally put me in that thinking not Paul, but Jeff

Finally put me in funny 27 and then we have funny is funny, which was a fucking painy You look back at that shit now and it was okay locals. Yeah, it was no fun for me. It was really like I would do shit and they wouldn't count me in nothing like yeah, no tour would love me But then they wouldn't count me even in the trailer Like I would never be anywhere, you know, like I'm recently A guy kept bugging me to do something about a year and a half ago and I did it And he blew smoke up my ass and the whole thing and guess what the show became a show, bro And he avoided me like a plague and then when he did the the star moments of the year

He didn't put me in it's weird And I just sit there like giggle. I go, you know what we're used to this shit What tough are the nails? We're still here doing our fucking thing. Who was part of the scene in 97? 97 was Carlos allah Rocky from Reno 911 Paulo Francisco um Carlos Oscar. He was pretty hot Luke Torres Luke Torres had a development deal and willy borsett had a development deal. Um

I think that's uh, there was also um willy borsett. I was headlining already and so was paulo francisco and there was um, I think um Do you know anybody else? You remember? Rowland row martinis row martinis. Yeah, and uh, uh, Rudy big don't not rudy moreno big don't not big don't not Big don't not went back so far. He was on richard prize with your prior show for the road show Now what was the name of the guy That took over for freddy prince when he got shot

And then he used to run the open mic at the comedy store and he became a writer and acting coach And you know people laughed at him bro Quinn. No The spanish dude who had that who taught vinnie curdo how to write scripts And vinnie curdo went on to sell two scripts the boxer that can't fucking remember Vinnie curdo went on to sell two scripts one to the zero And the other one to jackville. Bill Torres. No, he was a fucking guy that took over for freddy prince see what his name was lee Guy who took over for freddy prince

That's the guy who played freddy president movie right? No, he ended up he was queen latifah's acting coach for a while John mercedes. No friends with john mr. Morra Danny mora Danny mora Danny mora the acting coach. Yes. He's an acting coach. In fact, he was What's the young guy that got married and fucking on his on his bachelor party fucked the chicken. She divorced him Mario Lopez Mario Mario he coaches mario. He knew mario and mario was a fucking kid He had mario all those fucking years So Danny mora been around Danny mora Danny mora was around before pa dude Danny mora was around before pa was there during the strike

Yes during the comedy store strike. He was on the he was on he was one of mitzi's shortsight Danny mora fucking took over for freddy prince when he got when he killed himself That the anniversary should be soon any day now. What's the anniversary for freddy prince, brother? Should be if my memory still serves me. It was cold out in jersey. I think it was january So when freddy prince killed himself Danny mora Became cheeko on cheeko in the man 29. He was 29th of january, right? He was I didn't know that Yeah, Danny mora was the cheek on them. I mean it he probably did six episodes Yeah, it was tough to watch cheek on man after he killed himself

But Danny mora Danny mora was a very good man. He was very good to me He called me from time to time when brick dunlop died He invited me to the funeral, but I lost contact with him. I really did. I'd like to get him on the show If anybody knows how to get a talk with ego Danny mora Yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll call will Yeah, it had to be like I haven't seen him. I haven't spoken to him now I don't know what's left. Did you see him at willies how long ago? Was he a part of the biggest play?

No, I didn't see him over No, he's not part of that organization. He was um Danny mora during the When there was a strike he was part of the mid he was part of the he didn't strike with the comedians He was like he said fuck that these guys never stood up for me. So he took the mitzvah slide That's why he's still around. That's why she made him like a talent coordinator Yeah, she ran loyal to come to the store and loyal to mitzvah. Yeah. No. No. He was a good fucking dude like that No, bro. We come from good stock for leap. We're very lucky We met at a part daddy mora. I needed you and you needed me. I mean we became friends and uh

I just want to let people know man. This ain't a fucking overnight thing We're talking 20. You think you sit there right now. You go fucking 20 years I don't have 20 years to become a comedian. I need to do and that's great. You'll become a great comedian in eight years But it's not what long it it's not part of the journey, man The journey takes a lot longer. I'll tell you what when you're doing comedy 20 years It's so sweeter It really is a lot sweeter like you see the game. I'm like I know when I go to jujitsu and I see those professors think of shit and do shit

And my tongue just sits there hanging. That's the way it is for me with comedy. You know, what else is getting like that for me now? Acting bro I've been acting for so long long now That not to say this out of no disrespect when I go on a set like I fucking know it Like I fucking know it like I don't have to be told like I don't know, you know most come Oh, Jesus christ. See that guy's still driving. Fuck that. He's not in jail That's a guy who just got hit by a bicycle. See what I'm saying? That fucking break

But no man, it's uh, it's always a pleasure to see you and it's always a pleasure to see somebody who paid his fucking dues and uh Could honestly say nobody gave a shit for leaping nobody gave a shit man, you know Like I call my agent and they go listen man when neflix tells you no I don't want you to disappear. He goes. Why would you say that? I go bro because I've been in this town for 20 years. They got they already had their six people picked You know, they want me to go through whoops, you know how long I mean I still remember them reaching out to me for latino laugh festival and then telling me to go fuck myself

Two years in a row. They told me to go fuck myself Yeah If I saw a comic and I liked them and I walked up to him and it was my festival That means I'm in I was minding my own business when jeff valdez came up to me in seattle. Do you know that? You do know that right in seattle jeff valdez is used to have family in seattle. I thought from Denver Yeah, he's from then yeah from colorado springs, but I saw him in seattle That's where he first saw me on the comedy before you came to a lay way before I think I ended up here

He's the one that came up to me and said I got a project You're perfect for it. Plus I got a festival. I like you to be part of the festival. Maybe we'll do a cuban thing And then he I called him the next day at the hotel and he met me for lunch And he told me what his plans were and then that was it and then all of a sudden one day I had a call from some dude Pat buckles, it's the town pat. Who the fuck is town? I talked to jeff valdez. Where's jeff valdez? Oh, you have to send a tape to pat buckles. Who the fuck is pat buckles? And that's the first time and I told my the guy who was kind of like my manager time I go they're gonna give it to me. Why would this guy come up to me?

No, they turned you down Then they turned me down again the second year Then the third year they included me but in the show with bobby lee like an asian flare And I've always told that one year he didn't treat me right Which I was really pissed about was the year that he made me and maryland audition The reason why he almost got what he got you were there that night when it went down The reason why he got fucking his head banged against the wall was because he did something really bad, man He made me and maryland showcase like eight times

For that festival then he told us like that thursday, you know what to wear too Well, it wasn't even what to wear. He told us that he could we couldn't say certain things And then he told us a week before that we could not He was not gonna have the the dirty show And then the week of he had a true blue at midnight hosted by carlos mincea And it was all clean comics, but they were trying to work dirty But he wouldn't but that's why I went crazy That was the real reason because I felt that he had fucked me and maryland

I recovered from it. I wasn't that upset. I was upset for maybe two days But it really fucked maryland up and then he went back to maryland years later He could put him in some stupid tv show that he was paying the 50 bucks. Yeah, right. He was paying a what? What was it? Yeah There'll be nothing money playing nothing and you know what he was making millions for that Yeah, look at that. It was like chris. So it was like he was robbing his own people That's what really pissed me off. Like, you don't want to go rob fucking somebody white Go rob a fucking black dude, but you're robbing the same fucking people

That you know, these are your people. They have nothing Look what he grew up. He grew up in a fucking project. Then when there was an earthquake They had a sleeping fucking tents outside Are you fucking kidding me and you can't give us an extra 50 dollars? So that's why till this day, I don't like that motherfucker at all because he he fucked his own people We'll fuck somebody else I don't I mean, I don't want you to fuck somebody else, but go fuck somebody else because this isn't about a real estate deal This had nothing to do with a drug deal

This had nothing to do with none of these type of deals. You know what this had to do with me talent talents And when it comes to talent, man, I know what it feels like to be fucking rejected and to be fucking looked at and spitting your fucking face It's not a good feel It's not a good fucking feel Especially when you don't have much Especially when you don't have much going for you And yeah, that's part of the fucking game joey. You shouldn't want I understand it's part of the game But it's not what he did. It's how they did it

It's how they did it repeatedly Not repeatedly, but like I just told you it's like, you know, it's like lee if i'm jewish And me and you were friends and i'm booking something and I keep fucking you over and over again The thing that I care about because I have to when I see you I always go to him You know what i'm saying? I always say shalom and I make believe i'm such a big jew You're following me. I heard great things about you. Yeah, it's all bullshit. But anyway I don't know. I don't want to hold you in traffic. This poor bastard God knows what he needs

He needs to fucking need the star of death. He needs another star death to get him going my man rodrigo torres Anyway, I love you brother. Thank you What's up fool? And we'll uh check him with you soon to see what the fuck's going on. Don't forget My man, Felipe Esparza will be in new york city this saturday night at the playstation theater Yes, manhattan. What time eight o'clock with you Hosted by louis guzman

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Is a ring Cause i'm dealing with the devil ain't no help from above I'm stealing with the devil through this house For broken love Oh You can travel With you, baby I saw something

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Use it constantly If it's gonna be life So fix your size and baby Oh baby save me free Oh I'm looking at my phone And she's leaving me Oh the moon shines so cold as a rain

In my heartbeat Yeah, yeah Hear me weeping In a sorrow In a state I beg you, baby help me Don't you turn your back on me You get underneath the lizard

Yes, you should have saved me free Now I'm leaving with the devil Gonna leave and search for love I'm leaving with the devil Leave this house For broken love Oh, yeah For broken love

I beg you Oh