Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #550 - Luis J. Gomez

Episode Date: January 15, 2018

Luis J. Gomez, comedian, co-creator of the Gas Digital Network, and cohost of the "Believe You Me" and "Legion of Skanks" podcasts, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:  ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 01/14/2018.


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better than honor nobody go to honor pressing church and get the party started go to ziprecruiter pressing church and get the party started kick that fucking mule Lee oh shit black people Martin Luthor there's no I'm talking about oh shit everybody's eating fucking valium on that stage playing trumpets jumping up and down my man Louie Gomez baby the Christ killer Lisa Yatt hello and your uncle Joey coming direct it's a beautiful motherfucking day that'll be alive you're alive and kicking

you got the world by the balls and who's gonna fucking stop you know but you don't have to go to work for you lazy cuckuck it's Martin Luther King day how are you mr. Gomez I'm feeling pretty good man and I cannot imagine to be I cannot imagine a better way to be celebrating black culture and Martin Luther King then getting high with Uncle Joey and Lisa Yatt two of my favorite people in the world definitely my favorite people in LA without a doubt this is what I'm talking about we keep it simple we keep it real there's no drama there's no fucking adjectives there's nobody here sitting here fucking

wanting to hang out nothing we're bare bones we don't want to do nothing we just want to fucking talk shit smoke reefer talk to you beautiful people how was your weekend Lee it was good but for well first of all about the weekend I don't know what it says about me we're not the best party I've been to in years was a five-year-old's birthday party yeah mercy throws a good party she really does she knows how to rock and roll is that your kids I said my son's five year birthday party yeah sad just last just last Saturday yeah Saturday we saw the exact same day we celebrate our kids five fifth birthday no this one is your

daughter where's your son's birthday my son's birthday is December 29th okay but we sit because it was during the break we wanted him to be back in school and you know invitations so we did it yeah this past Sunday actually sorry so you did the sixth yeah or the seventh around that seventh the seventh yeah we did our birthdays the eighth but we did on the 13th it was coolest shit I got some Cuban potato balls some I got some pasta leap dog I got all of them I got 22 fucking pizzas you did it at home was in coke now bro we did at the park I got a yard okay but it's limited I got weights back there I got a barbecue

grill points back there you know I got a living room set back there in the yard like this back there but not for fucking 60 kids no you know not for the amount of kids that were coming with parents so there's a park right around the corner it's clean as shit his first come first serve you get three stalls you put your food out there like a fucking Puerto Rican beautiful perfect all this year all yeah in the conga drums yeah we said dick you're not allowed to drink though right listen you can't jump up and down with booze and wave a confederate flag but if you're fucking sneaking a few cocktails ain't nobody gonna buy that

park it's a kids party you know what I'm saying I forget that I gave a few parents of course like some parents I know on the cool side I brought them all little tushy like a like a fucking little what I what you wait yeah I told them cotton for us don't fuck around with them yeah I live in New York so there's no doing it outside in the winter so we literally have to rent a space or do it at one of our apartments and in New York everything is really tiny so you can't have fucking 30 kids running around no we spent like $1,500 yeah that's on a five-year-old's birthday party that's

it yeah unless you got a garage listen I could have done it a thousand places yeah I'm not one of those dudes she don't need that shit I don't want her in that fucking world I'm gonna tell people to stop with the gifts because they brought up it was a table for the fucking gifts took a two days to open the fucking gifts two fucking days when I left tonight she was putting a ball with LOL balls into a fucking bucket so you melt them you have to get the doll in the ball get a bucket of water and put it in there and the thing fizzles like a blue Alka-Seltzer then you stick your hand and take your toy out and you don't

know what the fuck the toy is you have to buy it not knowing what it is it's a mind fuck for the child it really is a mind fuck for the child and she loves it yeah they love it I don't like it because you don't even know what you're buying she asked me when they should have you know my toys or else get me a I think it's cherry and foxy then my wife goes you're never gonna find them first of all toys are us number two they're sold out constantly number two you can't pick your own dogs you gotta keep buying them till you get the dog oh that's how they get you something like those twist things they used to have

at the door yeah like you just open it up you're like oh it's gonna be something cool and it's never that's brilliant so they that they that's the scam is they have you you have to keep on coming back keep coming back and doesn't love your fucking daughter so no matter what she wants you have to say yes they got 80 dolls and then 80 little dolls that accompany them of course and then they're gonna fucking come out with a series to the dolls have the purses do they have a TV show yet is that how they get them I have no no they're on YouTube oh even better so there's no they don't have to wait for new ones they're on YouTube

cuz they get you fucking early but I'm cutting that shit I'm gonna break it down for an explainer you're getting beat yeah you don't even know what you're buying you know I'm saying you got to take it home and put it in a thing of water yeah to fucking figure out what you're buying it's a better lesson than that it's a much better gift than that doll like letting her know she's got a fucking be more savvy than that yeah get your life together you fucking buy something you know what the fuck it is you're gonna put it in water and wait there like a fucking do some bots and then if it's a double what do you do

what do you do you trade the kid across the street you're describing how I buy weed in New York City that's how you buy it you just buy like what I hope it's good no no come on it's not like Cali you know no but no no no listen bro I don't like delivery service yeah cuz I don't want to send you away I think 95% of the embarrass from me was ever getting the hooker was that I throw a bitch out if that's not what I ordered you're going without no was never what you order no if you tell me you're sending over fucking Bridget Bardot I'm waiting for Bridget Bardot she comes up with a missing foot we're gonna have a

problem kicking it down the fucking yeah what my move was I would jerk off before they got there and then not answer the phone you're fucking dirty bastard no like yeah that's why I don't like that shit I don't like just calling somebody unless I know you go miss unless I'm buying weed from you from eight years and you actually call me up and go like that you like the cat Williams joke you know dog and what I gave you last week yeah this is stronger than I'm one of those dudes right take your word for it but for me just to call like one of these services around here and say give me the best you got they're gonna

give me like 16% weed and I'm gonna be stuck at home I don't want no delivery none yeah we don't it's getting a little bit better in New York City now if you have like a hookup like but it's nothing like it is out here this shit's fucking crazy this is great now it's even they gave me the next step it's even crazy now bro now it's gonna go recreational now that weed snow opens at six you understand me on the morning yeah of course 6 a.m. to 10 o'clock closed for eight hours 16 hour day two eight hour ships to girls work over there now I got hooked up with a speed weed hook no God bless speed weed soul to the

fucking best he's the best he's the best they gave me a thing of weed I don't even know what it is I'm not fucking with you there were gold flakes in the weed gold flakes Joey it's I don't I mean I'm not making there's no way to describe it it's gold inside of the fucking weed I don't even understand it you saw those mushrooms yeah they taste like mushrooms no they tasted you disgust me no see horse shit on them they were spotless Bobby spotless yeah and Lee almost puked his fucking head even taste the most taste it's like the texture does it to me I don't know what it and I know what you put it in between

two stars like a cheeseburger like a fucking and it falls out yeah you just freak out on the freak out I freak out about everything that's yeah he freaks out on the freak out Lee is one of the most fun people to smoke weed with he never says no but whether Lee is smoking eating or no matter what way he's consuming it it looks like it is painting him to put it in his body like another like it is fucking causing him so much pain to get like he wouldn't eat the animals he like he like drinks water like it's like really causing him like horrible horrible pain and I feel bad for you I had to do I had to learn how to

do it it's like the the competitive eaters I know you have to just fucking putting your mouth and chew yeah but not when you eat 10 of them I like tonight we didn't go that crazy but there's some nights like the last time you were here where I had 15 yeah it takes eight it would take me an hour to eat 15 stars she's normally takes you 10 minutes if I dip them in hubbis we tried that we tried that it's gross now but that's why I don't know if you guys ever get mad at like weed tea or weed in movies whenever they say they can't taste it in the edible I just trying to I just turn it off because I've never had that what

bothers you is it like the taste it's hard for you to get down is that why you need to drink the water with it yeah I just I take out like a pill that's all it's just the taste cuz I love the taste of it like the taste I take candy to me I love come on man you don't like the taste I swear to fucking God are you kidding me you react the way I used to react to whiskey when I was like 17 or 18 the first time I take a shot of whiskey where it would like you'd really be like oh this is fucking awful you know but the taste of marijuana whether I'm smoking it or eating it I swear to God I love it smoking is different than

eating though for me that I like it I like it when a good joint tastes good like that like it like there's a death that's something I enjoy that ingesting marijuana from who knows maybe it's from there my early days of the the brownies where they they just taste really like you're eating dirt over the last six years I'm giving you every fucking oh yeah I've had everything everything I'm gummies yeah I've given gummies he's had all cookies fucking you know and drinks oh yeah drinks we would weigh 165 pounds let me tell you some least fantasy is my fantasy okay to be dropped off on an island surrounded with your five

favorite foods and this amounts and reefer and you don't have to wear clothes you can eat naked because nobody ever watch you eat you're alone you're alone I love it love it about that does sound great Nick the throat came on the podcast I brought sausages and all these shit and marinara sauce and the sausage and he brought two loaves of bread I brought that loaf of bread there was one point I looked over Lee and he was over the bowl like at the end of the night he was over it like getting he and he was ripping the bread and dipping and there were crumbs everywhere all over his face the table

and loving leaving and I came back three days later they got high by myself one day and I looked around here it looked like a fucking bomb and at this place there was bread everywhere when I tell you that was bread on the floor the chairs so it wasn't all me to be there no some of it was me but it was some of it was me some of it was Nick I mean we were eating here like fucking animals we got so fucking high that's the thing I don't like a mother that the shit we ate tonight makes you fucking hungry 1145 yeah makes you want to kill a motherfucker that's my thing that's my addiction you gotta be prepared for the fucking hunger when I this edible I'm not gonna control myself with an edible I eat an apple first then I eat

another half then I eat a piece of salami I'll break down I'm the two apples I did my part dog the salami still won the fucking war you know yeah every time I go to the store because you buy apples for that reason and then that all works until I'm high I've never won like that's amazing to me that you actually go for the apple oh they taste so fucking yummy when you don't eat a peanut butter apples and peanut butter is one of the best snacks I can't have peanut butter in the house wait peanut butter you lose weight with all natural peanut butter just peanuts mashed up doggy none of you eat the whole jar in one night listen I'm a jiff dude it doesn't matter it's just fucking first take your fucking natural

organic shit I want jiff when I went to prison jiff was there for Uncle Joe I can't desert jiff now because I want to be first of all they have organic jiff and they have all natural jiff do they yeah they do um so here's the deal listen okay I don't like apple I don't like peanut I used to weigh 330 pounds okay and it was specifically because of weed okay my first year at college I started smoking weed when I was uh almost 18 years old okay first time I ever smoked weed I was almost out of high school I was I was like a proud like straight edge like oh I never smoked weed I was proud of the fact that I didn't do drugs or drink or anything right and me and my friends just like out of nowhere on a whim we're like let's just fucking get

high one day and we you know smoked a joint and I never turned back that was that one joint you know when they say you don't get high what's your first joint yeah I didn't I got dude I got so high there was nothing that I've been chasing the dragon ever since that first high I rolled around on the floor with my friends laughing harder than I've ever laughed in my entire life I saw System of a Down in Incubus and Mr. Bungle that night high for the first time it was fun it was incredible like I of course I became a drug addict what a fucking it's like falling in love it was unbelievable it was like yeah you when I was a kid I fucking hated everything that was associated with marijuana yeah Louis Gomez look at me no same thing long hair no earrings

no that dirty look people had with the scraggly shirt no I didn't like nothing to do with it and I played basketball I went to karate and the people I went to karate where were anti fucking everything there were even anti-sex those young fucking little dummies but in North Bergen that was a completely different game and I remember buying the first splitting the first nickel bag two dollars a piece and smoking a joint Louis Gomez I found love yeah I fell in love you hear music music I had like maybe eight albums the first time I got high I mean I knew music yeah but at that time my personal collection I probably had like seven albums the Beach Boys something like corny earthwind fire once I started smoking weed I fell in love with

every aspect of music it seemed like when I listened to music no matter what language no matter what they say and I always found something good in it I mean don't get me wrong Yoko ono sounds bad even if you fucking do heroin you know Yoko ono is just bad but everything pretty much sounds great when you're smoking pot and you have like earphones and you're relaxing you clear your mind to sit back and just listen to music a lot of people can't do that that's how that was my escape when I was going through my shit as a kid yeah I was just gonna fuck up as I could and just tuck myself in a corner with earphones and just that would be my world that would be my safe place you know and it still is in many ways a lot of times I'm having a

fucked up day I just go home close the door in the office plug the phone put it in the fucking desk and I put the earphones on and blast out you know six old songs from my youth something I haven't listened to and my bearings back to me for a second that's what I like I like Pandora as opposed to Spotify I just download Spotify because Pandora you could like discover shit that you forgot about I put I put a it's like a 90s rock station on and like shit just comes up that you wouldn't think about that you're not gonna like happen upon you know what I'm saying I got serious in YouTube does the trick yeah that's it that's great to YouTube if you get something on YouTube you like and you listen to it two or three times and get I think it gets

your whatever because all the songs from that era will pop up yeah so if I'm listening to AEI or you from 1982 disco all the other disco shit that was on the station with that pops up on YouTube so I'll get like you know I said oh well that's shit that's literally how they fucking make you an addict well I do it I do it I love it that's my today you know you'll come to me this guy will come to me this guy will come to me and I make mental notes I'll write them down you know what when I get insomnia when I wake up at four in the morning and I can't sleep I'll listen to that band you told me about do you know what I'm saying all of those guys I'll write it down I'll take your cd from me at a fucking show I might listen to it for a year but I'll listen to it yeah and

when I listen to it that's like a holy shit I wish I would listen to this sooner or I should have threw this away when you gave it to me did you play music because you're so you're so passionate about music I was in the band like in the sixth grade would you would you play I was a singer with John Bender this kid break canal and this kid Dean Olman but I always played conga jones because I was my mom's bar I had a big association with a lot of latin musicians so I always play conga drums my uncle plays the congas my family has a band in Cuba so I would take two conga drums and put songs on the jukebox at the bar and I put a hat on the floor and I just play congas for donations and shit people fuck yeah five bucks six bucks

to stop yeah 20 to stop 20 and fucking stop you know what I'm saying oh shit yeah I was in a I was I played drums I was in a rock band in high school and uh you know probably in my yeah really my first year of college but uh I was very passionate about music then I lost the passion for it I was a musician you wanted to be in a band I was in a band I wanted to do that um and I had a passion for music at the time like I loved I loved going to see like live shows and bands like it was such a big fucking deal to me and I don't know what happened maybe once it was really when I started comedy maybe I just became like such a narcissist and like so in my own thing this really I remember there was a moment where I saw um there's a really

great cover band in New York they might not even be around anymore but they used to play on Canal Street in the canal room and they used to do like crazy fucking 80s covers like really dope and they had a really cool live show like like lasers and like cool shit really cool like New York experience you go see this band and I remember my chick my son's mother we were dating this like seven years ago on before I had my kid and we're watching this band and I remember I'm watching them play and I got bummed out watching them play because I wasn't performing I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing at the time and I remember it was kind of a moment where I was like fuck dude I'm like not enjoying this is like a cool thing that I'm not really enjoying

as much as I should you know there's two avenues to that either you became a comic I think you're beating yourself up with the non-consisting shit and all those fucking big words I don't know what the fuck you're saying but listen man there comes a time where you have so much time do you understand me when I was gone with you have so much time you only have so much time you only have so much time and you have to start picking of what's important do you want to make a living do you want to go watch bands play now you know if I lived in New York right now I would have a goal of two clubs a month but all that shit has changed than when I lived in the city when I lived in the city it was all day of type shit on the name promoted on the radio

and first come first served there was no online you know get tickets online that's all gone you know right so for me I'd be like a dinosaur myself unless you'd say to me Joey this is a great band let me take you to go see him like I'm thinking I'm gonna see Joe Perry tomorrow night I don't know if it's sold out or not see if it's sold out later tomorrow night at uh somewhere in Hollywood you know I'm technically going to see Joe Perry let's see if we get some Joe Perry tickets yeah and motherfucking Luther King then last time I seen Joe Perry was in 83 a radio city musical are you fucking kidding me or what that's great 35 fucking years ago I'm a fucking dinosaur anyway who gives a shit no you have so much time bro and people get angry with you how much

starting at 110 one tell a ticket that's not bad for general admission Jesus where's the way it's so that might be resale unfortunately yeah where is it at the Roxy the Roxy yeah so it's great to see Joe Perry yeah it's great 100 bucks you Joe Perry at the Roxy fuck yeah I'm not even a big Arizona fan but I guess you do I am I always have a big fan of his you know what it was with me even when I was a kid with music I always like uh I never I never really liked uh even like pro wrestling like pro wrestling music I always liked the alternative to what was like popular like growing up for some reason it never like got me like excited to like the the either the band or the fucking whatever it was it was popular I was always like I don't know

it's a weird thing like uh it's like Aris I never really got into Arismith but I was like really into Motley Crue I was really into fucking like Skid Row um yeah Zeppelin yeah but not the same way I was into Motley Crue and Skid Row now you know things I got I had a sister who was two years older than me so when you have a sibling you kind of just whatever they fucking like you like you like you know you don't really have a choice so my sister was growing up like you know we were I grew up I was born in 82 so yeah dude she was fucking cool as she even though she wasn't cool she was just cool as shit to me so all the bands she like she loved poison so I was like a fucking boy I was like a little gay kid who liked poison just fucking we're in a poison t-shirt no little

Puerto Rican kid in Havashera New York wore a fucking poison t-shirt in 1989 and that was my first two concerts ever poison the private poison pizza party we won tickets from z100 my mom won us tickets and then we saw a poison at the orange county fairgrounds and I just I loved it now I loved the whole excitement of the thing I just don't like getting ripped off when I found that parking for the Rams games was a hundred dollars I almost lost my fucking mind that you have to fucking buy the thing before you go to the game a fucking parking space a hundred dollars oh yeah and then fucking rams not even that takes my whole fucking excitement away from going to see football and that shit what about what about movie theaters what about having to pay to park at a

movie theater like I said before I don't mind going to an event and pay him I just don't want to feel fucked in the ass I'm like the regular American consumer I don't mind paying the overpriced ticket all right I don't mind doing that and sitting somewhere nice with my family and my friends but when you bang a sound for a hundred that's a hundred and fifty dollars for Rams parking 20 bucks is like a fucking 12 block walk or some shit like that that that kills me that just kills me Joe Perry tomorrow night a hundred and ten dollars that's fair you know I'm saying that that's fair but again not fucking really it's not a real Smith it's Joe fucking Perry yeah I'll give you the half a yard and whistle home you know I'm saying but a fucking yardstick on a Monday night

you got some pair of balls on my Luther King birthday you follow me no no you're not gonna go they turned you you know I don't mind lifting the rock but these people want to fuck in the ass and that's what they want to do to the whole consumer look at this thing with the little kid with the lol doll they start fucking in the ass when you're four so what kid my daughter with the lol doll did they have something like that when you were a kid they had when I was growing up what they had Pokemon cards they had but those aren't expensive yeah but if you buy a thousand of them these kids had packs when I was a kid at golf when I was growing up when I would go take those Miami trips at golf gas stations for 50 cents you gave a fucking 50 cents or a quarter Pokemon

weren't 50 cents Pokemon like a quarter or something whenever you filled your gas tank or whatever you got gas you got three fucking stickers and you put them in a book when you filled the book you wanted a fucking award or something like that you know I mean this tops cards was kind of like the version you because you're trying to get the car you know the but it wasn't the same type of fucking top cards will give you a little fucking love every three packs yeah I would just buy a box like when I was a kid I would go work in my mother's bar I would swindle them out of a 21 way another and I just go buy a box of baseball cards and fucking Jesus and eat all that fucking gum and get jazzed up yeah yeah we just fuck I have a stack of that stick

gum that's the real fucking draw builder right there that's why chicks in the 70s don't mind sucking your pipe because they chew that fucking bubble gum that was bazooka bazooka gel gum you gotta get gnawing it for fucking bazooka that other one that the one that came with the baseball card break through it the one that was like yellow and blue no the one that came with the baseball card was pink okay really and sometimes if it was if the cards were rotten you got the hard stick and you broke that thing in half and it broke another thing that's worse than the shiv in prison you'd slice the roof of your fucking mouth dog how many times I cut the fucking root to my mouth one of those bubble gum sticks from baseball pack yeah but we were tough

we didn't give a fuck nobody sued tops baseball that's really good but you and the gum you're done motherfucker well now they're out of business are they no they're not actually I think they're still in but I think they're doing uh UFC cards and nothing works to fucking draw like a piece of bazooka when it's old like it's stiff but you still take the chance you give it a lot of saliva and you're trying to break it down with the enzymes I feel like there's an analogy that I'm missing no no there's a little bazooka gum you know those little bazooka yeah every once in a while you go into the bodega and they're very fresh yeah you are okay yeah let's say you have like eight cents and you look around you don't want to put eight cents in the fucking thing for somebody

for some fucking uh whatever they're coming we're touching with his fingers oh my god so you are much of the bazookas and he goes three cents a piece and you go here's eight give me two you even leave two cents and you take two of them and before you turn you open you look at the front page of the daily news and as you open up the gum you're popping in your mouth and you start chewing if it's fresh you read the article in the daily news the front page and you're like wait a second let me get 10 more of these for the walk because there's nothing like fresh bazookas for the walk why don't I just buy a whole pack no they come like this they only come in a fucking pack leave they only come in an individual you used to buy the sticks ten at a time no you can buy whatever

you want not they were not the baseball sticks no I know I know what you're talking about they're they're the joke too they're the little uh they're the little and a tattoo which doubled as a fucking tattoo it was a very reverse that was a five cent fucking party dude they had a tattoo they had a joke they had a little fucking story thing like a comic book and the gum for five cents yeah what game one name one thing today you can get for five cents it gives you all that nothing I can't even make a joke about it there's nothing yeah I don't think you can buy anything for five cents now yeah so it's really do you give your kid an allowance because I'm thinking about giving my kid an allowance I'm thinking the appropriate five appropriate amount this is the deal I'm gonna

bring it here once a week for an hour and give you just to do your ad reads maybe do the ad maybe clean up a little bit I'll make you paint something for the wall and then I'm gonna give her a slash allowance slash 10 bucks an hour for help 10 Jesus solid kids haven't got a good better deal now that's solid it's a pretty decent job actually I'm gonna give her 10 I'm debating moving to LA and being that guy for you I was gonna say are you gonna try to adopt can I try paint things for you and clean up once in a while listen you gotta remember one thing an hour in her mind is fucking 10 minutes well it's like fucking one one thousandth of her life she's gonna come in here rub the chair with something rub this she's gonna help me throw stuff

away I gotta hide all the fucking paraphernalia I'm gonna tell her throw away the gum to help me with the albums and then my son saw a blunt in my ear the other day I rolled a blunt I was leaving him with his babysitter and it was in my ear and uh oh no no dude he was already in bed dude he was already in bed I rolled a blunt after he was in bed getting ready to go you know and the room is pretty fucking dark like really dark actually but his eyes had already adjusted to be in the room so I walked into the room to go get something I had a blunt behind my ear so I was gonna I was going to leave and he goes dad what's in your ear and I was like I was like a pen and I thought it was a pen and now he brings up fucking every single day he's like do you remember he had a pen in your

ear why'd you have a pen in your ear so I was like but it's kind of funny like I gotta put a pen here when your wife's around I know in case he goes what was he talking about pen you're not in my ear I was carrying books and the pen was gonna fall and I put the pen in my hat I did tell him at uh it was a Christmas whatever holiday it was there were edibles and people had them and uh he wanted candy because he saw candy they were like tootsie rolls basically and I told him that um I was he can't have them I was like there's I told him there's alcohol in them so I think that why do we demonize weed and like edibles and all this other shit but people are drinking wine and whiskey and beer at a Christmas party or whatever so I just kind of the easiest

way for me to understand it is that it would you know it's for adults and it would intoxicate you you know he understands what alcohol is I don't have to you know explain what weed is just yet but I also felt like fuck it like I'm gonna like tell him you know the truth that this is you know something that adults are you know doing and it's not for kids and it gets you you know drunk like it would alcohol you know is that crazy whatever works probably yeah you know whatever works for you you're the guy that's gotta deal with it later or not you know I'm not saying you're the guy I'm saying whatever you tell your child somewhere along the line you know I know I gotta stop smoking in the back room at the house well I mean eventually she's gonna get up and see the internet

where you're smoking weed on YouTube I do the same thing like she I think she caught me at anything beach no my wife has to say nothing so she's gonna say that but I was smoking on the boggling like fucking Johnny Musada yeah I threw the joint in the grass and when I turned around she was just looking at me oh fuck and I think she said it to herself like my daddy's smoking well at least that's what I saw but I see a lot of things she might have thought she might have like literally thought you were smoking like the cigarette no no no like literally like smoke because I don't know they're five do they know what that stuff is Lee Jesus Christ do you think they're retorted yeah well no but they're five how do they know what smoke is I don't know I don't

think I knew I think she saw me she didn't say nothing to mommy and that's all that matters because when she does say something to mommy then mommy will say something to me that becomes a problem I don't know how to deal with it I just feel like he's gonna grow up you know I'm very open about smoking weed I do it I like on camera and there's pictures and I have weed sponsors and fucking bongs that sponsor the podcast and it's like you know I almost feel like if I'm hiding it this would I hide drinking a beer for I don't drink but if I was drinking a beer I wouldn't hide it from him you know what I'm saying so I don't smoke in front of him but at the same time I almost feel like I have to have an honest conversation with him he's five years old now it's like at one

point do you know is he gonna know that his dad you know yeah burn that bridge and you get to it but for right now in today's society you can't be all listen all you need is for that poor kid it's six to go into school and tell one of those peanut allergy kids that his daddy smokes marijuana and next thing to get a knock on your door and your wife gets a letter in the mail yeah so you don't need this shit right now that's true you know this is but that's what's fucked up though because you wouldn't get a letter in the fucking mail you wouldn't have any we knock on your door if you were drinking if you were getting hammered every day what are you gonna do that's fucked up it's the one one place you want to take it to the supreme court take it to the supreme court but

you know that's the way life now we're gonna fight this on Martin Luther King's birthday I don't know why they do this at 911 I don't know I don't have the fucking answers all I know is I like getting high I get high in the mornings before I see the devil whatever the fuck but back to you in your situation any anybody situation as a parent my stance is basically this okay if your child sees you're drinking or smoking pot you're their hero if they come today the opportunity come and three kids come up to your child and say hey man do you want to drink and you're like they say yeah why wouldn't that you actually told your fucking kid that you were gonna they actually dropped them somewhere to spend the night because you and your wife were going to some party

and the next day when you pick the fucking kid up you can't stop talking about your goddamn hangover kids remember that and what a horrors mom was being at that party not really but kids remember that shit kids remember that those little things and then one day when you're 16 it's that time to get asked do you want to drink why wouldn't they they're fucking hero drinks right why wouldn't they why wouldn't they would you be upset if your kid at 16 started smoking weed and I don't know I don't know I'd have to see what was the purpose who was she smoking and what was the situation you know I don't know I think the scary part is is like you're right the parents are definitely heroes but especially now with everyone on like all the tv shows and and everything

online they have 10 heroes 15 heroes so now what it's different to when you got a kid they don't give a fuck to a superman was superman when I was a fucking kid too here in place the problem is that I just uh I see the kids that I grew up with that their parents were like drinkers and I see the kids that their parents that didn't drink and now I'm taking mental notes about my situation number two my situation was completely different when I was five I went to pa l and they take you over and show you about drugs and what they didn't show me my mother fucking showed me okay my mother took it out and showed me at the fucking house and said you see this shit you don't do this the actual drugs oh yeah my mom had weed at the house coke you know we'll fucking deal

with I was to my mom my mom made all her mistakes with like uh letting on that she was into drugs with my sister and I was too young so I didn't know until like like later on but uh that's crazy like I had no idea what drugs were I had no idea what anything was until I was way older it's so weird that then you have kids that their mothers on crack were dope and the kids take care of them and they lived their life because they've already seen the other side of the young age so there's two sides to that coin yeah you follow me I'm not accusing no yeah I don't get that yeah I don't think there I think there's nuance with everybody and everybody reacts to the world differently you know I'm just talking about light everything you know the word party and

what all these things become in your house when you're talking in front of your child yeah you know I saw how they affected me I saw all those words all those green lights affected me you know there's a reason why some kids smoke when they're 12 and some kids like Lee smoke in college for the first time there's a reason for that bro and you have to decide what you want of course that's your question you one of those guys that wants to smuggle you with your son when he's 13 in front of your buddies I mean I'm hoping that my kid and your kid the kids come over and they listen to your story they smoke out with each one time tell us more mr. Gomez go fuck yourself nobody wants to be that guy no no no and to be honest

with you I want my son to hopefully never want to alter his reality I'm hoping that he's in a you know wants to you know he's just fucking you know the the ideal you know thing is you raise your kid in a world where they just want to fucking you know they love every moment of life that you've created for them um but you know that's just not this I guess not over the case I mean look will my kid probably smoke weed one day yeah you probably yeah keep talking I'm just open the door let's get smoky up in this fuck yeah yeah I'm smoking a joint that's why I'm sorry guys fucking big thing here but yeah I mean that's and that's like look dude I don't know man that's kind of tough to deal with thinking about that that's the other thing it's like the stupid

shit we say on podcasts and like the crazy shit like like that's part of like you know doing this set where you go like how I'm gonna have to explain to my son one day some of the stupid shit I've said and like hey it's a joke and he's gonna have to understand the nuance of what that joke is especially growing up in a world where it's very much like geared towards social justice and you know being a liberal and you know he's going to a private school and it's very much like dude these fucking dude they didn't interview with his mom they were like what are your thoughts on social justice what are the most important issues with you like it's fucking that is part of the curriculum at this point um and I'm gonna have to explain to my kid one day the fucking you know

the words that I use and the shit that I say um and that's something that I haven't even completely put together how I'm gonna do yet you know no you burn that bridge when you get to it you're always thinking about them you're always looking at them you're loving them and you're thinking when the day you have to talk to them about this or that you're hoping that day never comes but you still want to talk about it yeah you want to see where they fucking stand you know you learn two things when you grow up without a parent or with a parent and you learn so much as a kid you watch your friends and you see how their parents act and in your neighborhood you look at your people that you grew up with and you know the type of parent you want to be you see what

the results were I'm 55 I grew up with kids that are really fucking successful and I think about why and I you know and it's very easy they came from strong fucking houses and they do drugs and they did everything you know they were right there's no one cuckold me but their house and the bricks was so fucking solid that they never forgot who the fuck they were do you follow me and then I got other guys that just went off the fucking deep end and never came back or they're coming back now or they're still fucking running this game and I know what they were treated like you know so I'd rather go with uh with the what the fuck is going on out there all of a sudden with dying in here smoking elation I opened the fucking door and all of a sudden it's fucking fast and furious

meets fucking live pd out there so it's up to you I mean you look at your child and you know what you want for your fucking child what the fuck do I want do I want them in this mix do I need this shit you know if you expose your child and play it off like this is fucking cool and this is you know listen it's still against the fucking law okay there's still places so it's up to you it's at that time you got to make the call yeah I gotta get out of there and stop smoking around the back she's gonna be seven one day she already looks at my hands when I come back from the back oh really she senses something she ain't fucking stupid yeah you don't think she fucking smells in my office she don't look at my drawers yeah there's no edibles in my drawers I got shelves

she can never reach the edibles you know what I'm saying whatever else I put in a fucking safe nobody could find fucking wards you know so I don't want to bump into shit until the draw there's no vapor pens in the draw what she has access to there's nothing in those drawers and you try your best brother that's all you can do I mean you do you don't want your kid doing drugs or being a fuck up early on you know I believe that every kid's gonna do what they're gonna do I was gonna do I was destined to do what I was gonna do I grew up in a ball I saw the good and bad I grew up with people snorted coke I saw people shoot heroin when I was a kid I had a bunch of options and I took my chances as well knowing the consequences ended up in prison still kept

fucking around you know do you really learn I mean when the fuck do you learn so you have to live your life and at one point you have to cut the ambival cord from your child but while you have the ambival cord you lay the best bricks that you can lay that's the only way I could see it now in my age and what I've seen you know I agree I mean I think it's uh I think people don't put enough thought into um kind of what that means you know I think what you even you look at like you look like kids menus at restaurants dude it's the shittiest fucking food in the world like it's just like just at a baseline like god give him fucking you know macaroni and cheese chicken fried chicken you know they kill me they kill me it's like it's it's it's it's a very weird

thing it's the opposite it's like and you see like when I went to my kids orientation or an orientation for the parents at this private school and dude it was like college it reminded me of like when I went to college my first year college um and or my second year college did this big orientation they're walking and they they make this big fucking deal and this is kindergarten that he's gone into and um you know I was like in my mind I'm going this is actually the way it should be it should be a much bigger deal to go into kindergarten than we're kind of making it and I think people we push them into the system that you know sit at a desk you know act this way react this way that person's the boss if you don't learn this way and you can't learn this

way then you're you know you're a problem child it's kind of fucked up you know and that's like yeah I don't know I mean look the fact that we're even having a conversation and you know we care enough to fucking talk about it and think about it and do whatever we can do about it means that we're doing way better than my fucking mom you know ever did or you know I don't know your your whole situation but um yeah it's fucking I almost feel like we should put you know my son's godbuster because I don't know man if I had a fuck if I had a shittier chick to have a child with you know I might I had a dude I had an ex that was a fucking lunatic if I would have a kid with her oh my god I think about this every day of my life like if I would have had a fucking dude I was oh

dude I was hitting it raw I was doing whatever it was crazy and I think about how much I would have because I love my son there's no way I could like abandon my child but the the reality is dude I don't know this chick was so bad that like I don't know how I would deal with it but my son's mother she's such a good fucking chick and she cares so much about like what he eats and what he puts in his body and like fucking the type of education he has she makes it kind of easy on me you know I'm saying she makes me very conscious about it um but it's like I didn't get any of that shit when I was a fucking kid dude when I was a kid they fucking dude they threw me into a fucking school and they were like all right figure it the fuck out my mom was so I look at what it

is to be a parent now and what my mom fucking did and it's like god damn it dude she was she didn't do anything I don't I don't think I've ever remember once in my entire life being read to I don't remember ever being read to ever just crazy that's fucking crazy brother you just don't remember brother I'm telling you I don't I remember your mom Spanish not white she I'm half Puerto Rican half Italian Irish and my mom uh was Italian I'm still alive no my mom died when she was 22 how was your relationship not good how old were you when she passed I was 22 are you at yeah she was uh I don't know what was she like 40 something I don't know and how was your relationship going to grow up not really good yeah no not yeah not great what'd she do for a living she was a

hairdresser but she really well I mean she wasn't she was like um she was uh I don't want to sound mean you know I'm saying because I feel like I'm shitting on the dead and I'm shitting on my mom but she just wasn't fucking very motivated what I find important in a person you know I'm saying an inequality person you know and in terms of what they do you know and how they how they conduct themselves she didn't live her life that way you know I'm saying so she you know she collected welfare in section eight and you know she did drugs and she you know she wasn't really motivated to you know kind of like pull herself out of that you know and you're you know people are different like they either you know they they kind of emulate

what their parents say they go the opposite direction and I went very hard the opposite direction very hard like my mom was fucking you know brutally abusive violent like fucking emotionally abusive like really really fucked up how was herring how old were you and they split or were they together well my dad my dad was murdered when I was four years old he was yeah he was sad to death no that's all right yeah my dad was murdered when I was a little kid um yeah so yeah it was fucking tough dude yeah it wasn't it wasn't a great life you know and what part of New York was this in this was in uh Patterson New Jersey yeah which is fucking like ghetto yeah yeah people know people don't you know people don't

know like jersey gives jersey doesn't sound ghetto people don't get it you know no it's very you know it's fucking hard let me tell you something yeah it's fucking I'm not one of those type of dudes but those east oranges those uh mosaic camden you go out there fucking around you get shot bro yeah oh yeah you know you get shot yeah my dad was stabbed to death in the streets of Patterson New Jersey Patterson it's uh it's a fucked up situation out there I used to go to Patterson to eat and that's where the docks are right for a long show man isn't it I'm not sure something there's something Patterson I used to do but when I was a fucking kid there was this Puerto Rican dude they used to call him Paniagua wait a minute that was my father imagine I was

we're finding out right now Paniagua was the dude that implicated my mother the last time she got pinched oh shit before she died he was a Puerto Rican dude at a bar in Patterson and he called the bar phone and asked for coke and the bar phone was tapped what the fuck so they arrested him he didn't run on my mother but they had the tape to some shit and he got thrown out something happened I got thrown out but uh fucking Patterson's a scary place Patterson east side high school yeah that my mom went to high school for like a like a few months and that was where she went to high school fucking school bro fair east side that movie Patterson east side Patterson Kennedy yeah there was a couple Patterson how many Kennedy schools do they have in New Jersey

they're everywhere also my mom was a habitual liar so I bet that was a lie that she went she told me she knew Madonna she was a fucking liar anyway keep on going I swear to God she told me she knew Madonna how did she know Madonna she fuck she didn't even go beyond that she was a shitty storyteller too was uh speaking of fucking shitty storytellers was my man Tony Bennett around here somewhere I'm gonna spark up another joint and do what you need to do brother do what you need to do there we go we're going fucking deep baby deep Monday the 15th I feel the mushrooms yeah I'm feeling a little fucking I want to be around to pick up the pieces I could do in a little piece of mushroom let's go we're gonna do it we're gonna do it let's go Lee you're in let's lay a little

piece oh come on guys you have a guest you have a guest come on man I only come here once every few months all right all right we'll wrap in the star let's pick a nice piece like gentlemen oh oh shit leave a jungle joe is gonna give you because he loves you to be true he blasted Lee's face is priceless there has to be a fucking video montage of Lee reactions to fake smiling and having to eat weed and mushrooms I'm glad you found this oh my god we're getting crazy here on the church of what's happening now you said you were doing like a little bit you're cutting the 18 things

take a chance there you go dog is that for me or for Lee that's for Lee Lee Lee let's see what happens there's Lee it's like an ice cream sandwich look at this little one for you oh that's beautiful right there it's like a nipple it's a beautiful fucking thing it looks like a nipple delicious Lee let's see if the puzzle little like this look Lee if the puzzle fits on our star all right you want another one oh yeah sure you know how we get this up and done here I want to give a big shout out to one of my main men Mr. Dick Syat over there running shit in south Florida I want to thank my man Scott Cunningham putting the party

together Johnny Utah Max Justice Federico Diaz Ray Viscous Tony Herland Josh Garcia and James Michael Ray Roy RIVC apart something like that I don't fucking know you know I love you I got high I fucked up my boy song out of West New York New Jersey my boys when I was gonna put them on tonight and I fucking wrote the fucking thing I can't fuck the went through the paper so I'll put it on fucking Wednesday for you savages you know I love you motherfuckers it's a little banned out of fucking West New York couple fucking Reacons couple Cubans they got a fucking Guatemalan on the Oregon I don't fucking know go Lee let's do this this is for fucking this for all the money right it's gonna be my mix all right don't worry about nothing Martin Luther King had a dream that's

right Lee and it was a leave don't even bite it just drop it and put the water over Lee Lee Jesus Christ Lee pretend it's an Advil how I do that's what I'm trying to do it together just put it in your mouth don't chew it put it in your mouth and drink the water right by me that's what you were doing that's what you need an Advil you you put an Advil in your mouth and then spit it back in your hand you know when you get locked up and they do a statistic thing on you it's called uh whatever the fuck it's called when you first get to prison they do the they do the the diagnostic swallow Lee go like a soldier there you go look at me he's choking swallow that thing like a soldier this is what I'm talking about see how easy it is well you do a diagnostic and they break

you down pretty much they ask you questions about your family and alcoholism and drug use and I wonder what the statistics are of children who come from a home where you know broken home a I mean all come on all broken home no no no how many people either are in prison I mean the almost an almost immeasurable amount that didn't have some sort of issue at home I mean where it was just straight up two loving parents that grew up I mean I'm sure it's the exception there's exceptions and I'm sure it exists but even those people would have to look deep into what happened there because I would assume they were getting fucked by their uncle or some shit like that you know but the I mean you look at that dude every I mean you look at like violent crime dude

is always fucking the father being out of the picture is a very very big part of it I know they do studies about like kids not being read to they do studies about you know you know kids fucking um being exposed to violence being spanked being you know even the threat of violence at a very early age them going on to you know being violent later on in their life there's a lot of different thing and we only fucking have this information now well it's dude we just started having the internet in 50 years we're going to figure all this shit out 100 years we know it all right let me let me break it down for you the first fist fight I saw that I didn't know what was going on was my stepfather and then shortly after I got hit in the head with a lunchbox in

central park and that was traumatizing as fuck but I was also traumatized hold on this fucking you open up the goddamn window uh I was also traumatized at the age of three but that's my father it always fucked me up it comes back to haunt me even because I don't remember I remember like one or two things but my stepfather a was violent b weapons all over the fucking house you know c the drug use I know my mom was into shit you know my stepfather didn't do dick just all these variables and I sit here sometimes and I go why don't I why am I not violent why don't I and why am I not in love with weapons there's so many questions I asked myself so much you know like why don't I like alcohol what is my deal that I don't like

to taste alcohol when I get sick and that whole scene just fucks me with me from time to time I went to a couple Christmas parties I went to bars it was great but I didn't want to sit there for full fucking hours you know right it just wasn't who the fuck I was like I have like I asked myself on a daily why I don't fucking love weapons at this age and buy a ton of weapons with what I was exposed you know I'm saying as a kid yeah so I mean you had your own shit you know you went you went to jail for a violent crime I mean it was like you know you know it's not like that didn't affect you I you know I think I don't know I'm no fucking expert but if you weren't raising that environment do you think you would have went to jail for a violent

crime later on in life I don't think so I think that that's very much affected who you were and I think you I think I was always headed for the can I think so I think so I was always headed for the can I always had that demeanor I was always headed to the can I think about what was the excuse that my mother died that's why I went to the can let's pretend my mother was alive 1980 when it came I would have stayed at the house one way or another when I got into cocaine it was just in my future it was too much there I see it on your face now it's amazing it's amazing how we were the prime target we were the first uh like generation that cocaine came and swept us off our feet and again I do a personal what's that not a survey a census I do a census of my friends

and I do a census of the people who grew up with families and the people grew up with one mother in the house and the people whose father died and you know what yeah they all did drugs for a time being but they also at one point got it together do you know what I'm saying are you with me I am but I think there's still the people that don't get it together and I think a lot of them I look I don't know you're I guarantee their studies I guarantee that yeah um but it's like I don't know man it's like I feel bad dude I grew up you know I live in Harlem now and it's very gentrified at this point I live in a pretty nice block it's in New York City right now like if you go to Harlem and people that don't live in New York I think

they hear Harlem and they go oh shit you know um but Harlem is very like nice and it's very gentrified um meaning there's fucking white people there now um if you see one out of every three people are white you're living in a nice neighborhood in New York City now that's like a good kind of measuring stick right and uh yeah I think uh fuck I forget the point I was making fuck I'm so fun I mean we are I mean just to play devil's advocate and we're all doing there's no judgment here but isn't it just like like there's a way I was very lucky for the most part I had a very good childhood there's some there's some issues like I need family but uh I don't know like just looking at the way my especially my mom she was very no nonsense about any of that she was a kid and she did probably

smoked weed and maybe I mean I don't know uh she'll say no but like the like she would never bring me to casino like one of those like something like that so like do you guys think that at a point there's like it's just what we want to deal like our own personal things there's a way we have to raise the kids but everyone has certain things that they deal with and then they make their own choices you know I'm gonna roll with my daughter in sports you know that's a given you know and she likes all that shit so it's gonna be easy you know we were I was showing the jujitsu tonight and she was dating there was a picture of me the teacher today put up at alberto cranes and she goes daddy that's you were your jujitsu student like you ever want to go over there she's

like maybe you know so she goes swimming she's gymnastics she goes to fucking ballet yeah she's got a recital on valentine's day you know the whole fucking deal it's you literally your name and fucking everything it's not even a debate you're not you know I'm not growing up and we you I don't know I don't know if I agree with you that you would have went to prison no matter what you were done cooking yeah I knew it I knew it no I know brother you know we you have no ideas you you know look I think it's fucking we got bombarded I'm not this is again I'm not playing a really or Lewis I'm not playing the victim here yeah I'm telling you that think of being 16 today in California today in California think of being 16 you got a little mustache

you got a little cute girl from that's a junior right around you're banging let me stay there for a minute you're banging weed right you're smoking weed let's say you were selling weed in high school you're the cool guy right now weed is legal right now if you're 18 you're living in fucking heaven I know I wouldn't be if I just turned 18 and we just went legal and the way I like marijuana I would be in fucking heaven just I don't even know my fucking point is yes I do the point is the way that we this 18 year olds and the 15 year olds and the 16 year olds are getting surrounded with fucking legal marijuana is the way my generation got swarmed with cocaine it hit hard bro I still remember being at that age 16 17 and noticing that a lot of people

were fucking doing it at that high school a lot of kids and we were right there we're right there you know you're from Paterson you're 20 minutes from the fucking right Lincoln tongue I'm fucking seven minutes on Lincoln tongue you know by the time I was a junior in high school I was already copping coke in the city I had two spots what's a junior in high school 17 years old it was a way different I see the people I even when I was in high school I didn't really know people doing neither we got bombarded in a way that you wouldn't believe it yeah and then Ozzy Osbourne with the blizzard of Oz snow blind and then Scarface came out in 1983 no and that was the beginning of the end and that's literally all the tenants of your personality what's that scarface

Ozzy Osbourne you know it hit us so hard the cocaine culture hit so hard and then it just kept topping itself freebase so people started free basing then all of a sudden there was crack cocaine then there was this and then people were shooting it it came at you from so many directions that so many of us got gripped it was an inevitable because there was so much if we we seen it go from 100 dollars in front of us a grand to people coming to the house going hey man how you doing Lewis I haven't seen you in a long time I asked your personal can you move coke and you're like Joey does it Lee does it I guess I'm gonna leave you a kilo I'll come back in like a month just give me what you have and you're like I would be dead in two days that's that's what it became yeah

by 1984 it was everywhere everywhere you went to a club in the city it was on tables people snorting it was everywhere every chick wanted to do it everybody was sniffling everybody was sniffing that's how people were walking around and you know acting uh very monogatouard they were the cool generation now that's it acid disappeared fucking THC crystal disappeared reefer disappeared and a whole new generation came on fucking cocaine and quailude straight up gangster straight up I'm 17 years old and there's a way to make money off these ludes you get them for two thousand you're selling for four you know how long a hundred quailudes that last year when I was a senior junior in high school three hours three hours by the time you got them on 38th

street you walked the 76th street and you made strategic stops they'd be gone that's how fast yeah my culture my neighborhood got so bombarded with cocaine because all the cubans were in union city it was right there union city becomes north burger that's it it was right there I still remember going to apartments on 22nd in new york avenue and where people were fucking stash pads union city became a fucking stash pad that's where they were crossing over the tunnel put in union city and shoot it out eventually they moved it out to jersey city and you know places where you could just mix the people who were doing it was spanish so you had to mix but that's a very interesting area is a very interesting generation it was a very interesting couple of months

I saw the cocaine takeover I saw it coming I was right there I heard about it for years you heard about mumblings that somebody's dad did it now my mom did it I knew since I was a kid I always knew that I never messed with it it was a different world I may believe she didn't do it in my little world I may believe she didn't do it and I didn't say it my mom told me one time she did coke um when I was like eight I got really upset yeah you got upset I saw all the rings around my mother's no she didn't tell me she did it that night she told me she had done it in the past right now and I got really upset and the funny was she was trying to like let me know she did but I then at that I really resented her for not telling me she did drugs like did she was a

heroin addict you know so and I shouldn't have because of the way I reacted I was fucking wasn't ready for it and I get it dude like you don't want to fucking I just disappoint your kid like that you know we're talking about like breaking into our kids about you know smoking weed you know or you know fucking with like telling your kids you're a heroin addict that's another fucking level you know I'm gonna have to tell my daughter I went to prison I smoked weed I was divorced she has a half a sister you know I gotta lay all this stuff down yeah but if I was Lee right now I'd be pulling my hands out of my head that's why Lee's bald I don't think about it I deal with it when it pops up and I make a fucking decision if I sat Mercy down right now at the age of five

and told her what I did she don't know what the fuck I'm talking about she can't even correlate my mother and father that she doesn't have a grandparents on the other side he's sorry she there's so many things she can't put you starting to understand this way I told me the other day because he knows his grand he met his grandpa said and he you know he died that's his his mom's father and all his other grandparents are dead um so he understands that his grandpa said passed away and he understands that that's dying but he doesn't really get what that means he doesn't and you want to keep menacing you don't want to fucking explain in every fucking Disney movie it opens up with the scene of the the father getting murdered or the mother was bambi was

the mother it was originally it was bambi the mom got murdered but then it turned into the dad fucking lion king uh new uh good dinosaur oh yeah spoiler alert oh interesting yeah super early in the fucking movie and then I gotta watch it with my kid and not cry like a baby in front of oh I watch all those movies and cry in front of her she don't give a fuck she just looks at me and giggles and says oh daddy oh daddy oh it's fucking crazy no no I mean Doug why can't I tell my daughter I sit here with you we got 2 000 hours of us talking about finger banging and eating chicks out with coke rocks I need my daughter to go on iTunes when she's 18 listen to this shit no yeah so what I

do do is I do write a journal for my daughter and then sometimes I write and then twice a month sometimes and it's just a page at a time no big fucking eight page just a page of what I'm feeling what I'm seeing in her what I want for her little things what your day should be like don't be a fucking promiscuous dirty whore that's like every other sentence that's how that's how every other paragraph starts don't suck dick to your 29 there's like a little notes at the bottom of each page like you have a special separate note about you know the ingredients uh watching out for men like us like a sushi restaurant and they have an asterisk if you eat raw food it's on your own same fucking deal no no no I'm just writing to her because if something happens to me I don't want her to have

any fucking misconceptions like I did I don't know much about my father there's a guy in Miami telling me my father got shot for years I read the autopsy's I saw the newspaper articles I heard the stories from my mom I heard the stories from her friends he died of a heart attack he was not narrowing you know there's always something so I don't to this day I got two options I could go to Cuba how high a boat go to Cuba and decompose his body and see if he's got a hole in his head or fucking what is wrong with people so I just let it go yeah you want me to fucking go to a psychiatrist and open up fucking moons I don't have time to bleed right now I'm too old I got a short window I gotta fucking raise you know we fucking I think people my son's mother used

to be obsessed with me like going to a therapist and I've been in therapy recently and it's good it is but like we do when you're doing podcast saying you know you're you're writing jokes I think writing jokes is the most fucking therapeutic thing in the world if you're you're talking about dark shit on stage you're trying to find funny shit and like really dark fucked up shit that is your that is the most therapeutic way to explore something that's fucking like I talk about I don't want to talk about my mom's death yet I will though I got I have to obviously I talk about my dad's death but um yeah I mean I I think like that's you know there I don't think there's sorry guys my mushrooms are starting to really kick in so I apologize I was not planning shit we're dropping

knowledge on this motherfucker but no I feel like that's like um but also as you're raising your way more therapeutic than anything else you know what's therapeutic when you look at your son and you're raising them your way and you think of little things how your mom raised you you ever take him to the park and you're looking at him and for two minutes you get this memory of you and what you were going through at that age yeah you get that I get that I get that all the time I get that all that's all it's fucking brutal you touch and relive your childhood well that's the thing right now a child five is the age right five is the age because that's when I start to really remember having a memory like a real memory that's why I lead you're saying like oh five

they don't get it no no they get it dude think back to your first memories dude you were five you were in kindergarten you remember kindergarten you remember going to fucking get a girl and every day you remember thinking though I remember thinking you know very cognitively very like I remember looking at the world like it was the world it wasn't like candy land and fucking muppets it was the fucking world you know and that well I always kind of like made a weird thing I was like when as soon as my kid was old enough to have a memory I wanted to make sure that I was like doing shit you know I'm saying like I had at least some shit going on it wasn't like it's a girl being like poor and like without like toys and like you know that's fucking like

you know the worst I grew up okay I she gave me a lot of love you know that's one thing she gave me a lot of love she taught me lessons she punched me in the head a few times she was brutally honest with me which I really appreciate and I appreciate today that's probably the reason why I am why I am with people you know I try to be brutally honest the fucking you know life is too short she spoiled me and that's why I'm telling you I was always destined for jam because she spoiled me right I was ruined I was ruined at the age of 15 I already knew I could make money slaying I hit the number the eight months before my mother died I hit the number on my birthday and I took half of it I gave a piece to my mother a piece to the bookie I put a piece in the bank

and I took how much did you win five thousand bucks oh nice and I took the money and I five that like what do you say hit the number is that like pick four no no no but a book what does that mean I don't know a bookmaker like you go into the Bronx and you bet three numbers 604 five dollars gets you 2,500 bucks okay so it's just like a state lottery it's just fucking it's just really go fuck the state right you do go into the Bronx I think I think I won 2,500 I gave the bookie a 500 on tip I gave my mother why why why does he get a 500 on tip you always get the bookie a 500 on tip because you have mother tab most of the year not only that that's the way it is when you hit a number Jesus but the moral of the story is I took that money and in those days

there was this guy named Joe and I used to buy four ounces of weed from him for a hundred bucks and I would double my money constantly and once I started making money from the weed at 15 I started getting mescaline from this guy named lefty and I would get little hits of that's always the guy named left this guy mescaline I used to get a hundred hits from eighty five dollars per you sell those for three dollars a piece yeah and then lefty started flaking on me so I took my actions to East Rouseburg Pennsylvania there's a college there Pennsylvania whatever and I started copping there that was the heavy shipment that would they were bringing me ups black beauties fucking diet pills you could snort them and get all fucked up but their specialty

was acid and stuff and I made a lot of money doing that so I had realized at 17 that you don't need to work that's not a good thing to realize at the age of 17 yeah okay so I'm telling you from experience see I wouldn't blow smoke up your ass I was gonna do time somewhere along the line yeah if you know my personality I'm gonna push the envelope till I get caught and then I'll figure it out I'll push the envelope that's what comedians do we push the envelope then we figure it the fuck out a little bit so it was what I was doing then so I was always destined for it I'm very lucky instead of getting 28 years that I got four do you follow me it was always gonna be a crapshit all right Joey here you go here's the dice go it could have been 12 or it could have been two years

it hit me with four I took them like a man it paid for my sins and I started all over again don't get me wrong I slipped a few times after that yeah but after that I got my shit together when I stole the Christmas tree I paid the money for it a year later I always tried to cover my fucking bets after that man and it's and the comedy saved me the comedy saved that criminal and then I took the criminal mentality and put it into my comedy of course and that's what it's the same thing it's the same fucking thing you you know you we talked about sales before on the show but it's it's all it's all it all comes down to that formula and you can figure out how to make that work for you know for whatever you decide to do it just happens to work really really well

for comedy you know that that's um yeah I think that uh comedy yeah I did yeah comedy comes there we go eat those mushrooms the cops are coming eat those mushrooms and you eat the mushrooms you're way better than I am yeah I you like them you don't you like them I'll test positive for fucking I moved to I moved to New York uh from the suburbs when I was like uh 19 and I started promoting for a comedy club um and I started making like 500 a week selling comedy tickets on the street um and that's literally what saved my life um because I was just doing whatever I could do 500 a week when I was 18 years old was like a fucking like you know 19 it was like a million dollars my mom never made more than 200 a week you know that is a million dollars when you're

19 that was fucking crazy dude you walk around you're tipping Chinese weight is oh yeah I did I was like a fuck jack dude I was crushing it okay and I fucking and yeah and I was willing to do whatever at that point I had no like moral compass so I would steal I would fucking cheat I would do I would do whatever was dude I you know I got caught up in some shit and I I almost it just happened to be that I answered an ad to start selling comedy club tickets and it made me $500 a week it was just it was actually easier to make that $500 a week selling comedy club tickets than it was to go and do the bullshit I was doing to make I wasn't making a lot I wasn't hustling at a high level you know what I'm saying I was hustling like on a fire I was like stealing sneakers

from Models and I got a friend of the thing that took the things the tags off so we'd steal like four or five pairs sneakers and sell them at the pizzeria I mean it's like stupid shit this is like the worst garbage you should but a cubby a spray of course got weed cubby is getting fucking weed and gas money and weed and a little lunch what is it about pizzerias might think what do you mean you were the nick the greek what do you mean nick the greek with you with the jewelry yeah pizzeria owners are shady people if you ever meet a person who owns a pizzeria I promise you that's not the only thing they do they have some other fucking crazy cover I have no idea okay look into their eyes look at no pizzeria owners eyes they got fucking darkness behind their

eyes nicky pizza nicky fucking pizza I tortured that guy for five years nicky pizza but I was loyal I was a loyal soldier yeah I stuck it out with nicky pizza but we caused havoc in there though I gotta I gotta run take a piss guys I'm sorry I never forget being in there one night and two dudes got into a fight and one thing that's what he used to put the full container with mozzarella cheese the sugar ones filled and they started like going like this and the one guy finally took the fresh pepper and threw it at him this guy took the parmesan threw it at him and all of a sudden it was a cheese fight in there with parmesan cheese

the place was covered get up let's do it go pee oh yeah I don't know when you hear this now no no I really want to hear this now that's it but they just had a fucking huge brawl I thought the owner of the pizzeria was going to come out with a gun and shoot people in the head no no nick because they're dark fucking people nicky nicky pizza was a degenerate gambler yeah which meant that if you were hungry one day and you went there three and there was a sign be back at 430 he was at the metal ends and there's a good chance he might not come back no he always came back he always came back bro that was nicky he came back in time for dinner he was a greek he always came back how pissed were you though when he wasn't there at three because that's like right after school

he must have been starving let me tell you something when you went there at three o'clock and nicky pizza was closed bro you threw a fucking small fit because you were stoned and you were counting on that ham cheese and he was gonna put on the tap he had a tap you didn't have a tab in high school yes we did i had a fucking i had a tab at nick's pizza jesus hash ways the chinese store the the chinese store by 38th street the dragon grocery i had a tab in there for a while okay i had a tab at the spick store okay on 38th street and fucking liberty avenue yes i did yes i did you ran tabs and you paid him on friday you didn't need fucking to have money on you at all times if you play basketball i didn't have i also had a tab

at the fucking place around the corner from the basketball court when i was a kid they sold iced tea and lemonade and orange juices and those uh you know like regular milk containers oh god yeah only the 16 ounce ones remember those no ice teas first came out oh the big ones they came out in the 16 ounce nesties way before nesty okay this was like a fucking mom and pop dairy land they would make this lemon iced tea that was delicious it hit the spot and they also made fruit punch or something and we would go around the corner from 38 basketball 38th street basketball courts you walked up about 50 yards and right before you hit that body shop there there was a fucking uh a little joint there that sold you those you know they they sold them to

truck companies would come pick up the juices it was like a okay right so like how much of a tab did you have going every week do you have like a hundred bucks every like oh no the dragon the dragon the dragon the the chinese place all right let's lighten the mood it's the chinese place i would only front from on sundays when my mother was alive once my mother died never front of him again because my mother would stop and then pay the tab on the way up the hill to the bar and then the spic store i once i got out of there because he used to make steak sandwiches on friday so it was basically for fridays and then i had the hash ways my tab was there till 1983 and then i had another tab in 94 you could run your tab up to about 50 bucks in turkey sandwiches potato salad

i would go pick up the shit on at the local like deli of my mom's tab for her i'd pick up cigarettes when i was like seven i was allowed to pick up cigarettes from my mom with a note not even a note not even a note it was a note it was a note right you had to have a note from your mother that would give you cigarettes like that's crazy that was a dollar 75 a pack now our favorite 7-11 got busted did they yeah that's why i don't have cigarettes for what for some reason right is it 18 or 21 california i don't know but i know that we go to a fucking spot i've been going to that 7-11 for years me and liab and bust because it's close to the police station so nothing's gonna go down in there nothing never goes down in there it's close to a police station like 50 yards i don't fuck with

this one this one down in the corner here i'm like no that's a fucking somebody's gonna get shot in there but that one over there is a cool spot and it's cold and it's close to the place we hang out at the 412 in fact you gotta meet some girl tomorrow night then li at seven o'clock i'll be there at six seven eight she's a chinese girl or asian girl i just talked to her tonight the 7-11 she's gonna meet you there so how long you in town for me uh just till till tuesday okay and what are you gonna be doing here doing i just i'm doing kill tony tomorrow but i came because uh you know i run a podcast network and i do a podcast with michael bisping and uh we're setting up a video version of his show so we came out to set up some tech and then we also just signed

lisa ann on uh to the network who is um she's uh i think she's i don't know the i don't want to fuck up the title but she's the most famous like um you know adult entertainer not adult but like milf entertainer okay she she was nailing palin that was like her her biggest like role she played sara palin but she's fucking really a great broadcaster she's been on serious xm for years uh you know doing um like a fantasy sports radio show so yeah we're setting up her with a couple things tomorrow so just a little how many podcasts are you personally on tech all right technically i'm on four and legionous ganks is your main one that's i got legionous ganks which is like we just it's just it's filthy we we just we sure we talk about whatever is going on in the

world that week and we really just try to be as offensive as possible with it which i think is really fucking healthy i think we i think you need it i really think you gotta get it out there people are pussies yeah we gotta get it out there yeah and then i got uh another one called real ass podcast which is kind of you know me just taking a little bit more of a serious take it at stuff and then uh believe you me with michael bisping and then i also host um the roast masters which is the east coast version of roast battle so uh brian moses and jeff ross they they technically produced the show at the stand that i hosted every week but we have a podcast version of the show so they'll get that goes out as well and they're all available on my podcast network and you're

going on the road oh yeah your girl moved to new york with you now you're a new man yeah it's all thing dude she moved out yeah we were doing long distance for like six months and then yeah good for you man you got shit going on always hustling yeah i'm excited i always read your tweets and shit yeah i'm i'm really i'm really pumped dude now now we might get you on the fucking legion of skanks podcast next month no when you come here to la i think i'm home so just keep keep keep on me check the website yeah keep down on the website and i'll let you know what's great i like i'm a fucking really really good time together no i know we do that mushroom was nice it hit me oh yeah my stomach hit me i got the 32 minute mark you almost got me to cry there was a little

like i felt it in my eye and i was like you fucking cocksucker and uh i stopped myself yeah good but i don't even get to be on mushrooms to do that if you just mentioned my mom i'm sorry about that no it's okay i'm a mom that passed also so i know where you're coming from yeah and you know when you don't have a mom you grew up a certain way you grew up tough Madonna than i'm mom a lot of oh my mom's good friend Madonna yeah you know good friend Madonna that's fucking crazy and your dad died he got stabbed in Patterson yeah yeah you had a little bit on the kick side good for you man you pulled out of there yeah you're not crying the blues you're 35 now right yeah you're a good man if you were gonna be hung on heroin you would have been stung

on heroin already that's it baby and you're fucking doing this hospital i haven't tried it yet good no no no don't try it i'm gonna i gave some to lee one night he thought it was fucking no you didn't yes i did he thought it was uh he thought it was an edible i gave him a little heroin powder like heroin dust like the mushrooms tonight you should have seen him he was fucking he was drooling till this day he doesn't believe me i didn't you didn't ask you no you didn't yes i did it was a little cookie i mean i got to test positive now but thank you would have been here to happen he dosed you with heroin i would love to take a full drug test just to see that's out of your system how long does heroin stay in your system like a week not even six months six months six months

there's no way give me here the only way they could do is pull that one in the ass from his beard just to see what's in this fucking beard or they'll take a long hair like his pubic hair do you know all the time do you think my pubic hair is joe it's not that long huh do you know the all the amount of time it takes for drugs to stay in your system when i was in the halfway house you hear rumors and rumblings three for cocaine thirty fifty eight c your coke is three days that's quick get it out no but cocaine those metabolites cooking your fucking body yeah so let's pretend you get high on one day on friday night what are you gonna do two bumps no you're gonna go deep on monday night no friday night i'm fucking animal so let's say

let's say you get the party started on friday night yeah just and you go to saturday morning you're gonna test positive till tuesday yeah tuesday at some part of the day you'll be fine on wednesday if you drink water go for a little run lift some weights you know what i'm saying yeah help a little bit help everything helps you know i'm saying sweat if you if you sweat if you have a little thc i know for a fact i know that my last tent at the halfway house i had a joint in my gym i had a gym i paid $35 for and downtown boulder at the time i had a punching bag weights a bench and a cassette deck and three cassettes like that said i had like u2 pyromadian and kathy dennis and i would go in there at night take two hits up the joint it was a thin joint and i go

and i put the joint out and i get fucking baked and i hit the bag and i drink water and i pee and i keep doing that and i get peed once a week and i never came back positive really and they always test you for thc yeah one hit a week it's supposed to be one hit a week for one a week you can't be a fat fuck like i am now i don't think it would work now this is what i was 20 i think your fat holds onto the this is what i was 27 i read that one time something yeah this one i was 27 28 i was doing the halfway house 90 89 yeah so what was going on was i forced myself to always drink cranberry juice no soda and tons of water i would sit there at night with glass upon glass of water especially if i did blow and nothing really worked i mean time is the healer of all i know now

they have shit online they have shit at head shops that you're clean within minutes really i do not know anything about that show yeah yes get out and clean within minutes if you know anything that cleans your urine please tweet at the fucking louis gomez over here i don't need a clean urinal no no but find out what it is but it's interesting so if somebody ever goes on your podcast because i like to find out yeah i like to find out what the fuck it is i would love to know what it is if it cleans your urine in a minute so where you can go and just you drink it or eat it and you know when i went home i had a friend that was on probation and he said he had gotten hit on a saturday to go pee on a monday and he drank one of those and now he had another one in his glove

compartment and i go what is that doing he goes to mask it i'll come back clean and he came back clean my buddy when i was younger would take it because he had probation he would get they would check and he knew when they were testing him and he knew exactly every time and the way it worked is you had to buy like fucking three of them and it was like a bright red liquid you had to buy them like a vitamin shop and you had to you had to uh there's rules about peeing you couldn't you had to pee a bunch before this was you had to pee a bunch before okay you had to pee and i gotta go pee and tell the story because you had to pee like three or four times before you even took this the morning of right then you had to chug like fucking uh the entire thing it was like a sugary

crazy thing and then your next pee had to be that pee and when you peed it was like a fucking bright like orange color and people were getting popped all the time for it but i don't know if it like cleans your shit maybe maybe that's the same thing that's scary i can't imagine how i know he didn't would have fun with a peep joe he did the banding job he was like i gotta go i know he didn't but uh if he just left yeah if he just left and we just did the show together now the leon louis show um yeah i can't imagine see that that's what what i don't under like it if it sounds judgmental and it is i guess kind of but it's like if you're on probation and you know what's gonna happen like why put yourself through that why wouldn't you just i have a

buddy who's on probation now especially the weed i get i get if you're addicted to something really terrible you know look here's the truth you know it's probably good to stop smoking weed every once in a while yeah i did i did like a weekend it was great you did a full week almost i think i did like six days once when joey was gone for a while that's not even impressive it's not it's almost done six years unremarkable you cannot see and even bring that into the conversation no yeah and you didn't smoke weed at all before you started hanging out with joey i mean i had smoked occasionally nothing to the blue nothing like uh full term but you weren't with the fuck you are today no fucking pure beast of a human and i've lost it because i was sick

for a while so i didn't i didn't smoke any bong hits i used to be not terrible at it now i'm terrible yeah it's interesting just this interesting what we talked about i'm happy you fucking came on the podcast we haven't talked about anything crazy we talked about raising our kids and what our parameters were yeah which uh i don't know i just uh saw the effect that had on me and when it came time to making the decision that was the deal closer that my mom does it i'll be okay yeah that was the decision all the way through you think more kids would die with how it seems so easy to kill a child you think about this right like my kid you know he's a fucking pretty smart kid and i think about like how close his head has come to hitting like the

corners of tables and like cracking his head on fucking like whatever it is dude just everyday life he's almost when he was a baby he was almost dying fucking i don't know maybe that's me just being a paranoid father but it just felt like he was inches from death at every single moment i'm surprised more kids don't die is what i'm saying well i hope none of them do die you're such a nicer you're such a nicer person than i am i don't even want you to die bro no of course who wants children to die even put that out there don't even mention out of your i'm gonna knock on wood put the fucking malook on anybody you know you always want you know you never want to bury a child bro you want them to bury you when you're old and fucking sick and

really punch the fucking ticket what's your next date talk to me here tazen uh march 23rd 24th boston nicks comedy stop oh shit week after being los angeles with the legion of skanks um so yeah come out support gomezcomedy.com gasiginalnetwork.com is the uh the website there's 17 podcasts on the network now so uh yeah come check us out you're a fucking regular dick Clark cocksucker i love it don't forget you savages austin is sold out so i'll see you next week in charlotte north carolina at the motherfucking comedy zone all right and that's it that's all i got right now i got a date in denver i'm waiting here on the fucking surgery so i'll keep you detailed on that and that said i want to thank my main man mr gomez for stopping it it's a short

trip he could have been doing a thousand things instead he came in here and fucking dropped some knowledge on him he ate some mushrooms like a man that's starting to hit lee oh this is another episode of lee in outer space not quite where's the horn lee you haven't played the horn in a long time the the siren and shit oh yeah hit me with the siren lee this is what you'll be feeling like that midnight tonight lee by yourself oh we're young lee okay people shoot themselves that is tremendous i love that fucking horn all right give it a breathe does your business have any new year's resolutions here's an important one every business you're

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candidates to the site in just one day zip recruiter is the smartest way to hire period find out why zip recruiter has been used by businesses of all sizes and industries to find the most qualified job candidates with immediate results and right now today our listeners our family can post jobs on zip recruiter for free free free free that's right free go to ziprecruiter.com slash church church that's zip recruiter.com slash church all right listen zip recruiter post your job to 100 of the web's leading job boards with just one click one more time this is for free go to zip recruiter.com slash church number two i gotta thank my family over and on until i'm gonna see this weekend while i'm in austin as far as supplements are concerned they are the fucking cream they're

like crap from alpha brain to new mood to shroom tech immune you know how many fucking shroom tech immune i'll pop before i get on that fucking plane i'll be sitting next to three little japanese guys with masks and i'll be blowing out of no fucking time tip top magoo because i took my fucking uh on it shroom tech immune here i'm forgetting my words i'm sorry you know how it goes and at the end of the park guess what do you want anyway listen don't take it from me go to honor.com right now and look at the great selection of supplements with alpha brain new new mood shroom tech sport shroom tech immune listen you can't go wrong you want to go an extra round that you get to look at the shroom tech sport let your lungs expand when you eat those fucking

mushrooms of death or breeze gotten those delicious containers you understand me you'll be jumping up and down for days but listen don't take it from me go to honor.com right now and press in church bam you're 10% off your first order delivered right to the crib who's better than you i want to thank zip recruiter one more time i want to thank honor one more time i want to thank my man louis lopez of gomez i'm sorry i always fuck up people's lives louis louis gomez i want to thank him again i want to thank the christ killer and i want to thank you the church family for fucking support don't forget the 25th of january charlotte the comedy zone bitches let's do it it's going to be cold listen the mule's on its way i got the mule just in case he breaks down i gave the fucking

guy on the mule roller skates the weed and the stars will get the charlotte see you Wednesday night i love you motherfucker stay black have a great day happy martin luther king day black people rise cocksucker oh these allow me to introduce myself i'm a man well i've been around for a long, long year stole many a man's soul i was crowned when jesus christ had his moment of doubt and pain me damn sure the pilot washed his hands the seal is the base so

please to meet you hope you guessed my name but why bustling you is the nature of my game stuck around saint bedisburg when i saw it was a time for change kill the soul and its ministers in a state you speak to me i wrote a tape in a generous rank when the blizzards re-ranged and the fighters stank please to meet you hope you guessed my name oh i shot it out kill the candidates when after all it was you and

me I'm a man of wealth and turkeys And I've been trapped for too long Just gotta kill me for the rest of my life This is me, Jesus Oh, you get my love Oh, yeah But I wasn't used

Nature run by Oh, yeah Look at that This is me, Jesus This is me, Jesus Oh, you get my love Oh, yeah But I wasn't used

Nature run by Oh, yeah But I was never caught in this love's treachery And all the sinners say this This is me, Jesus Oh, you get my love Oh, yeah But I wasn't used

Nature run by Oh, yeah But I wasn't used Nature run by Oh, yeah But I wasn't used Nature run by Oh, yeah

This is me, Jesus Oh, you get my love Oh, yeah But I wasn't used Nature run by Oh, yeah But on a mission Look at that

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