Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #556 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: February 6, 2018

  Joey Diaz tells Lee Syatt a story about how he was able to redeem himself, what its like to overthink things, and why you have to let life happen. This podcast is brought to you by: ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church   Square Space - Go to squarespace.com and use promo code "church' for 10% off of your first purchase of a website or domain.    Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 02/05/2018.
  

greetings welcome to podcastville the church of what's happening now is brought to you by Squarespace listen to me you want to turn your cool idea into a new website maybe showcase your artwork maybe showcase your art but blog or published content or sell product and services of all kinds I got something for you ready for this Squarespace this is what we're gonna do head or go check out squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use the offer code church CHURCH to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain that Squarespace.com and the code church let me ask them the years already

ticking we're rocking and rolling are you thinking of hiring well every business needs great people and a better way to find them something better than posting your job online and just praying for the right people to see it is Zip Recruiter listen Zip Recruiter learns what you're looking for identifies people with the right experience and invites them to apply to your job in fact 80% of employers who post a job on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate through the site in just one day the right candidates are out there Zip Recruiter is how you find them do me a favor right now the church family try

Zip Recruiter for free that's right free just go to ZipRecruiter.com slash church that's ZipRecruiter.com slash church it's the smartest way to hire Lee kick this meal bitch let's do this oh shit the 5th of February here we go and you were thinking about what you were gonna wear oh shit the church of what's happened now motherfuckers it's a church of what's happened now motherfuckers the Christ killer and your uncle Joey what's happening you bad motherfuckers uncle Joey here checking in

with you making sure you're straight you got your life together everything's fucking tip top Magoo at least I at K-5 my little fucking nephew of death how you doing my little Christ killer I'm doing pretty good you look good you look healthy he's got some news we'll talk about it later it was a great weekend Lee and I went out Thursday night we had a great time we giggled Lee got hammered cake quickly kiss Lee in the cheek you guys all got to retweet it and jump up and down and you predicted a church wedding in the whole but no but it was an interesting weekend I didn't do much like I said I'm only going out

two times a month because I couldn't handle the rest of it guys and it's gotta be like every other week I can't even do two more to back-to-back because there's always something that happens in those two back-to-backs what do you mean something that happened something unexpected like the last time it was I booked that fucking show on Monday morning I gotta leave on Thursday that's one day I lose I already lose two days right okay so and I'm not complaining for being busy thank God you know we're here and where everybody's healthy and we're working and we've worked hard towards what's coming in so I'm not complaining

it's weird you're in two completely different industries stand up gets booked a year in advance and acting gets booked a week in advance act like two days in advance these fucking animals you know there used to be a time when they would give you a space with everything they don't do dick normal they don't do dick normal they give out offers and then whatever's not offered out they book out in-house or they know you or they make you come in and it always shoots in two days or it shoots in six months those are not that good either they would have to wait six months like I booked Spider-Man 2 in

March okay and they told me July 31st that seems great yeah that seems great on paper but for four months you're like maybe they'll fucking rewrite my character maybe they'll find out I smoke pot on Periscope maybe they'll do this maybe they'll do that and then they don't do dick and then you get the row like I shot them one thoroughly in July 31st okay but still that sucks too well I mean it doesn't matter which director did it because it's happened in every movie but I was reading a story today about someone getting cut out of a movie and they were just saying it wasn't their performance it was just it didn't make

sense with the story have you ever had that having like cut out or something when I shot basketball I had never done a feature film I had done this is all I had done people I did a college film for a girl named Kessler she's still around she lives in Burbank and I did nothing the pilot for CBS I shot a few industrials in Seattle for AT&T as a guy that just carries boxes in the background of the guys giving orders well they're teaching me if they're new employees about sexual harassment or something yeah like that type of shit but I had never acted in front of a camera before so when I did basketball it was

such a disaster really yeah for me how bad I felt afterward I didn't know anything like guys think of you in your regular day jobs yeah you're a fan of fucking movies I get it we're all a fan of film but here's the two hottest guys at the time you know the trade park or a madstone that the fucking that you know whether that show was a year in it was 1998 South Park or 1997 right yeah right around that time where the fucking Kings of Hollywood and here I am with one line in one of their movies and the budget was huge because they kept me there for three weeks so I didn't know what day I was gonna shoot but the night I went

out and got hammered did two eight balls and drank red wine that's the morning they called me to shoot my scene first now they have different names for things like when you're in your occupation at home you have different names for things in your jobs I don't know what those names are or different expressions of that it means something so when they would say step on your mark I didn't know what the fuck they were talking about like I thought I was in the race like step on your mark get that go like I knew action from watching other movies right and cut but they're like everybody come on down there's like three

steps before action I didn't know what the fuck they were so to make a long story short when I shot that scene when I walked out of there after robbing all the roller skates and fucking showing up for the scene I didn't know where I was I thought they were gonna cut that right off the fucking bat I shot that like in April and like in August I got a call going how do you want your name spelt I'm like for what and then like for the fucking end of the movie the credits I go did I make that I make and they're like you made it and I'm like get the fuck out of him like you made it and I didn't go to the premiere and I didn't

go to the screening you know me though I wasn't gonna go watch myself in front of these people I made a fool in front of myself in front of these people they must have liked it if they kept it well they kept it I don't know if they liked it or not but and after that I never really like in the longest shot I shot a bunch of scenes but I knew as I was shooting them that it was just Adam spending money it was just Adam filling time really there was probably like the two last weeks that I shot in the longest shot I knew all those scenes were going away no they just kept me there to break my balls they were terrible

scenes but they paid but they paid me yeah yeah what do I give a fuck yeah fuck that sounds great that's weird yeah so you're always in shock like I'm always in shock when I don't make the cut you know what are you trying to pass me that I can't tell you sure always what am I what do I got the fucking measles like them like that but something happened Thursday night that was really weird when I first got to LA there was a couple drug dealers at the company store and there was one guy in particular that was just a mess hell of a nice guy hell of a nice guy but he was just hell on wheels you know he was and

I was no saint eat I'm not gonna sit here and tell you I was a fucking saint I'm no fucking saint eat I'm wheeling dealing coke out of there myself and try to make you know so over this time period this had to be back in 97 at the company store I was a little still streetie you know I'm saying it was maybe 97 maybe 98 I'm still a little streetie and Paulie sure has friends that work with it one was warlock who was a great great guy who now lives in San Diego he was an accountant in the daytime no for the house of blues and that night he worked for Paulie sure at that time another gentleman's name was Bobby

Leddington Bobby Leddington was more Paulie security and whatnot so my boy told you guys that I fucked with the club owner in Houston the coke dealer the fucking dude they used to fucking told me to send them a tape and I would send them a blank tape well he finally calls me one Monday afternoon and he goes hey man what's his name is working tomorrow if you want to you got the feature spot with him Paulie no Bobby Slate okay so he goes if you want to you got the feature spot it pays 550 bucks but the plane ticket was something I had to get a next-day plane ticket so it was like 340 bucks I didn't have the

$340 so I was telling some of the story in Bobby Leddington it was a weird thing because there was a bill floating around when this code dealer left he owed a bunch of people money and he gave a list of people that he owed him money and my name was on that list now between you and I I owed him money but not the amount that he's on that list how was that you can't do that so a drug dealer disappeared we're like hey you can go collect from these guys yeah me so I told the guys to go fuck themselves yeah one of those guys was Bobby Leddington but Bobby Leddington really pulled out $400 out of his pocket okay

now when I came back from Houston I went up there that night with the $400 but when I didn't see him I bought coke doesn't see the next I didn't see in the next night that I didn't see the next night I was living hand-to-mouth people so I finally see Bobby Leddington and I tried I go up to him I give him a hug and I go hey I'll give you the money on Friday when I get paid from the comedy store any gaming attitude for some reason or another in my cocaine mind when he gave me that attitude I went on the aggressive also and I know what's happened to people are listening right

now and this is when I was still the word wasn't unstable but I still didn't get I still wasn't all together at this time yet I was really really deep into the blow in a dark place and cocaine this was before the movies this was before spider-man and the longer shard and taxi I think I had done like maybe mad TV and basketball and Bronx County so really nothing there my stand-up really sucked that was just a feature act and I came back and the way he approached me I didn't like it so I waged a personal war against his man and I wouldn't give him the money so one night he got a little upset with me at the

store when I got off stage and he came up to me at the in the hallway and he goes I want the money and now I really got pissed off he embarrassed me in front of my friends so I made this big scene like a fucking asshole that I am and in reality it was because Joe was there and Eddie was there and Tate was there they knew that nothing would go down as long as Tate was there you know he'd protect you I knew that he would get into the fight with me I knew that we were gonna go four on four or whatever it was it was gonna be ugly one thing led to another he threatened me so bad that he said he was gonna take my check on

Friday and that's when I really got pissed off so the checks would get there like 1245 I got there 1115 I saw the guy drop the checks off and went right into the manager like give me the check and I took the check and I went down to Redondo Beach at that time I had a pager and Bobby Leighton can page me and I have to page them back go fuck yourself you're not getting that money for fucking give me attitude and this one on and on and on and Bobby Leighton left okay and about a year later I get a call one day at my house and it's Bobby and he's not threatening me he says listen to your five minutes of your time and I go what

and he goes my daughter's getting married and if I ever needed that four hours I really need it right now and I go you should have thought about that before you were a tough guy I'm up the fucking phone and I did something you know a Joey Diaz piece of shit well I'm not gonna lie to anybody and tell you I was perfect at that time I'm not perfect at all and he went to Rogan and complain and he went to a couple people behind my back and complain he even went to Mitzi Shore and Mitzi laughed about him blah blah blah and it went away and you know what man when I got clean from coke he wanted me that that that memory

haunted me for a long time because he wasn't a drug dealer he wasn't a fucking shithead you know there's people that I robbed that till today believed him that I feel very guilty about I did shitty things to people but there's other people that they were the line of business that they had it coming still didn't give me the right to rob them but they were in the line of business that it was either gonna be me or somebody else you know I'm saying so I don't really it was it was drug involved or something am I proud of these stories no I'm not but I know a lot of people in their lives are going through personal

struggles when I tell you that I forgot all about Bobby Lutton but it was one of those cases where once a month I would think of Bobby Lutton and I saw he commented one day on somebody's page and I on a Facebook and I followed him and he lives in Las Vegas so every time I went to Las Vegas I always thought Bobby would show up one day and go hey man what have happened to that money and I'd apologize and give him the money like the man that I became today you know right he never showed up he never showed up I never thought of him again would you hit him up or he just you thought he'd hear but I thought about hitting them up

at that point I thought he was just like tell me to go fuck myself do you know I'm saying right so the other night Thursday night you go to the store with me I asked you if you want to take a ride you were doing a spot at the fourth wall you said you would do the six o'clock and I said take a ride with me don't let me go on there for two hours I go worst case never go to Chiba and get some of our salad and pasta have a nice organic salad and we went down there and when I got down there my spot was at 745 my spot for Sam Tripoli's was at 745 and my spot in the original room was at 1030 so when I got down there I'm

like what the fuck am I gonna do from 8 o'clock to 1030 in Hollywood you know yeah and when I got there I found out the real concern I had was why was the why was my spot at 7 fucking 45 and that day I found out because it was poorly sure as 50th birthday party yeah that's I had no idea who is it me neither so that the honest truth about that was that I was busy that Monday shooting that show I'm dying up I'm dying up here and I forgot to call into the store for spots and you can call in Tuesday and special privilege but that's not me I fucked up you supposed to call on Monday I didn't call so now I fucked up so I

tried to salvage the week with a couple spots at the fourth wall right which I tried new shit and I salvaged the week with a couple spots in flat prison maybe I stopped at the haha maybe somebody's having a spot some at the ISIS I don't have date night this week so what I did was I saw Sam Tripoli was having comedy chaos now Sam pays well with those shows but I called him like a man I go Sam I need a big favor can I do your comedy chaos I'm not looking for any money I'm really not I'm really not Sam keep the money but he called me back two days later and he goes even you don't take the money because you have to

take the money because I have two cancellations so I was gonna pay them anyway take what I was gonna pay them you're the headliner of the show so I didn't really think about the money I never even thought about the money I you know Sam's my brother I was just happy to get a spot right I just wanted to hit my number of goals for the week my goal if I don't go on the road I want to do five spots and and you needed it for the for your ticket to get five so I did one with you to a flat one of flappers to with you and to at the store and my goal I'm pretty good I tried a few jokes I maintain the other ones I'm good right

are you okay yeah oh I thought you were upset about something no and then so when we did the for some reason oh well you and I went to the back okay with Kate Quigley and my friend Lenny Citrano who came from that movie we did when we were really young when I first moved here we did like a college film together like one like I don't even count that we did like one of those USC movies yeah student films yeah and that's how I met Lenny and he was there after 20 years that guy was in the back with us the Italian looking guy with the girl and then there was Kate Quigley and her friend and the piano player from the comedy store that

dude and I did a movie when I first got here like I got coaxed into a college film and we had to shoot it right behind the comedy store and one of those houses they were born houses Jesus they were owned by a porn company and they shoot in different rooms this particular house had like a elevator in the living room and the whole fucking deal so when we walked back in you didn't see it I did the main room Gino was there from Speedway to shout out to Gino he gave me my CBD stuff he gave us a box some of these joints he gave me weed it was great cookies so I'm walking with this box and then Sam Trimbley comes up to

me goes Joey take this and you were there were you not sitting right I only walked in really and I folded and put in my back pocket so now I go to the back with you and I'm sitting back then we're having a great time we decided to wait and just eat at Paulie's party right in hangout yeah that was the that was the plan they came back there Richie the manager goes listen don't go eat just sit here there's gonna be sandwiches in the back and shit so you and I and Tate and a bunch other people went back then got a sandwich when we come back did you see what happened no I didn't get to see it I bumped into a little guy and he

looked at me weird and I just grabbed them and hugged them and I apologized I told them I was very it was Bobby Lenny's I didn't see we walked past each other and I just grabbed them and I hugged them I said Bobby I'm very sorry for what I did cocaine's a fucked up drug I'm very sorry for what I did if you give me a number I will pay you the money I owe you and he looked at me like yeah sure and I remembered I have like 60 bucks cash in my pocket which I never have cash you always gotta go to the ATM machine everybody pays you with a check but simple triply paid me I didn't know what the amount was so when I went in my

pocket I took the envelope out and I opened and there was 300 a lot of bills and I just gave it to the guy and I go here's 300 and you call me tomorrow he looked at me he gave me another hug he had tears in his eyes I had tears in my eyes I had dreamed of that happening like I felt so bad about what I had done it was just $400 but it didn't it was from a guy that worked hard for those $400 and went out of his way to help me and then when he called me for his daughter's wedding my fucking cocaine attitude still kicked in and I still acted like a fucking pussy that I was at the time because of the drugs so I felt

so guilty so I exchanged numbers when I gave him three cash I gave him a hug he texted me that night like he called me that night he didn't text me he called me that night like a one in the morning and he left me a message saying that that was the best part of the night for him that he saw the billboard and he always knew it and that's what really killed him that I had done something so stupid to our friendship right so I called him the next morning I we talked for like 30 minutes I got it off my chest and I told him to text me his address and had my wife put a check in the mail from today and I paid my debt

and I feel so much better but what killed me was that when I got home that night I got so caught up in the apology and how I was so happy to apologize I was never so happy to apologize to somebody in my fucking life it took so much weight off my shoulders and I thought about the people that I still all apologies to and I still got to give money to or whatever a hug or whatever you know like you think of all those people I think of people I should reach out to and say I'm sorry not give them dick they were in the drug game you know the 80s were fucking crazy but they deserve like a handshake I think

knowledge meant for what had happened and I gotta tell you man I felt really good about doing it this week I can't tell you why that's really awesome yeah I don't know why and I wanted to talk about it on the podcast what I just like it took I want people to understand that for your life to change it takes patience and sometimes man it takes three three years it took me 20 fucking years to change my life and I was with a monkey on my back it was like it's like that I was like that fucking I was like that fucking running back that does 10 yards fumbles the ball he recovers it but he loses two yards on the I just

kept doing that for a lot of years and then it got better and better and better than I stopped fumbling the ball and then I met a good woman and then eventually it all fell into place you know I mean it was just one of those things I never want people to understand that you ever get to a place where you're very happy now you start thinking about the things you did at one point and the people you have to make good to and the people that you owe your friendship to that's really important to me I'm getting to that age but that I don't want no beef with these people or something ever happens to me I want them to know that

I really appreciate them at that time in my life you know it's really important to me it's we had a conversation we have various conversations this weekend because you and Paula kind of had a little misunderstanding not really a misunderstanding whatever happened between you and you were very upset on Saturday because you know you're a sweetheart of a guy you know I had seen your behavior the last three months I know you have been seeing the therapist you have been sorting your things out I'm very proud of you for the move you made whether it's the right move or the wrong move nobody never knows we have a lot

of people you raise that listen to the show and it's so weird you said something to me that didn't make me tear up but it made me feel for you you said it's five years Joey it's five years I'm with her you know and five fucking years just like that and it's so weird how you know I did five years and some day you'll be my age now and you know what I had three of them in five years it took me three or five-year relationship to find the one the one I wanted the way she came and how she appeared you know it's so we have to relationship you feel so fucking empty and so doubtful for a few days but if it's meant to be it's meant to be

that's number one and number two it's so quick how you snap out of things in life you know it feels the house felt different this morning didn't yeah it's kind of suck last night I like it's weird like I've heard from my whole life that people change in relationships like they just and not not not necessarily that they change but what what you're what you're looking for changes or what you need changes and I've been talking to my therapist and it's she thinks and I think part of it's true is that I'm kind of freaking out a little bit about turning 30 what is the freak it shows that that's a real number dude I don't

know I don't know that's a real number but it's we all have a different I mean we all have our different things like with me it was going to college and then realizing this is it like that was the one that really fucking shocked me like they didn't shock me it opened my eyes I'm sorry it opened my eyes because you go to the schooling you go to the school you got a custom to this thing and all of a sudden one day the party's over there's no more that life is real life is real there's rent there's this there's that mom's not gonna bring you meatballs anymore that's what freaked me out not that I had my mom bringing me

meatballs right no and I think that the guy already has been bothering you for fucking eight months forget it out of my fuck get out of the way what is it I don't know I it's just that like you're a real adult I like I know maybe in my head I thought I would be doing more I would have done more by the time I was 30 but I think what you're saying is exactly what happened is like for the most part like a really high percentage Paul and I were great and are great but and we could have I think kept dating for a while and who knows what will happen but I didn't if it's heading towards marriage like if that's the

ultimate goal that you have to have some things figured out and cleared up in your head and I just didn't I felt like I didn't and I couldn't it was hard for me to fake to be able to figure it out if I was going to be able to commit what I need to commit to a relationship so like I can't I can't not work on this stuff I can't I don't want to end up no disrespect but I I've already worked in a movie theater CVS and I would see people who were 30 40 work in there it's just a job that's not what I want to do with my life and so I kind of want to figure out I kind of I need to work on myself a lot of things I need to lose

100 pounds I need to do a lot of things with my life and I just I think it's good I hearing all these people die recently all that I don't want to wait I think you said something like a tomorrow's not promised or whatever it is I just had to make a decision when do you find time to think of all this anti-fucking communist propaganda oh dude dude I need so many pills my brain never stops my brain never stops not even once do you think my brain stops I don't know no no it never stops it never stops with it's either guilt it's either what I did what I want to do what I didn't do how I should have done it

different how we're gonna do it different this time you know my mind doesn't stop you're talking sometimes and I'm in 1962 I gotta come back and ask you again right I had a big problem till 1980 fucking for and a guy that looked like me not look like me in stature but my white hair was the one that asked me the same question I'm gonna ask you and this is the last time I ask you and tell you young people at home especially men women 24 knock it off with the fucking thinking knock it off with the fucking thinking it drives you to drink to do drugs to make poor choices to double-think all your moves to double

think everything you didn't do there's a time in your life when you have to have life let it evolve IE relationships IE a job IE a career the biggest one is love that's the biggest one that we meet somebody we go to dinner three times they're cute she's cute the friend you fuck everything's okay she lives close by you like the dog she likes your roommate what is wrong with just hanging out the problem is you we never state the truth in the beginning of our intentions that's very true and some women want to know right now today and you have to straighten them out too on this I'm not straightening anybody I'm

just explaining it you have to explain to them this is life it's 2018 I want you your control your control your control of this life is the paper and the pen for the 80th time what you want and how you're going to get there is your whole plan everything else like I was writing today and I'm writing about when I got arrested guys I had nobody to turn to I would love to tell you the city of that mr. popular had nobody to turn to it was a high bail they wanted a full amount and the person who came to my aid was somebody who did not like me at all it was the girl I was dating father him and I didn't see eye-to-eye why

want me to tell you why I was a fucking car detailer we're just become a car salesman dating his daughter who he enrolled in Arizona State to be in the business management program it took her two years of extra fucking high school curriculum and shit and she dropped out the day the dude like me now she was cutting the hair okay she didn't want that fucking he didn't want that poor little sweet girl around a fucking animal like me right but he bailed me out of fucking prison he bailed me out of county jail by him showing up they dropped the bill forty seven thousand dollars and the next thing you know I was out of

fucking county jail well that's amazing I don't know what the more the fucking story wasn't the more the story was life happens but you have to let it happen you can't sit there all day you came to me one day as a man and you were thinking about her relative you had a disagreement with how they rate these things should not be in your mind we're thinking about things and how I know is because I told you November of 83 I went to a doctor because of the blood coming out of my anus you know how you keep faking that blood out of your mouth faking nothing the blood came out of your lung one time I witnessed

something that was not didn't look good now you're okay I but on my lung for a couple weeks till you keep smoking and finally the lungs is I ain't gonna bleed no more I'll just give him a toothache or some shit but uh what we talking about about letting life happen yeah I'm not like I happen so I started bleeding out of my asshole every time I took a shit at the end of this shit I'm telling you people this so you know you know why people because I would go to bed at 10 30 then I'd wake up at three in the morning and sit there and think and I remember a living in Colorado in November with the window open at night

it's 10 degrees and I'm sitting in a room sweating from the internal fucking thought process of my future what was gonna happen how was I gonna make a living how is I gonna pay $300 worth of rent how was I gonna do this it was just a constant what I'm gonna do it was just a constant it didn't stop and even the marijuana wasn't stopping it the marijuana was inspiring you know the only problem I didn't have what pencil and paper what do you mean I didn't have a pencil and paper I knew nothing about writing my thoughts down on a piece of paper and pencil as an outlet I was hitting the bag I had friends I was

doing cocaine I had money coming in everything was fine but if there wasn't a disaster going on in my fucking head I wasn't happily I wasn't happy if there wasn't a disaster going on in my head about been there okay and I go and I would take a shit three times a day like a normal human being and at the end of this shit that last it would be little droplets of blood you're taking three shit today yeah whatever on the normal I like grapes I don't fucking know what I'm gonna fuck you and one day I went to this doctor and the doctor sat me down he took my blood pressure he weighed me he took blood I didn't faint I never

forget this he was very sweet so everything I told my faint he made me look the other way and I came back and he goes I was perfectly healthy and he goes and here's the beauty about it you lift weights right I go yeah and he goes you hit the bag right you said I go yeah and he goes you don't have a car and I go yeah he was what are you stressing about you should have no stress with all the energy that you release and he goes how's your sleep at my toe yeah every night I go to bed at 11 and at 3 o'clock I'm up fucking tip-top Magoo like on meth till 5 15 then I fall asleep till 7 then I get up and I go to Oregon it was

asleep at me I weighed 185 fucking pounds I have that happened sometimes I hit the bag I did because you stay up I didn't have the pencil and paper so what I would do is I would smoke pot and put music on and intensify my thoughts with the marijuana and the music and all day I would walk around with this pain in my chest and there's not my stomach you know about my life and what direction was I gonna take you know what bro I was 20 fucking years old who gave a fuck I was a junk I wasn't a junkie at that time I was doing cocaine and I was on my way to becoming a junkie but who gave a fuck you have a job you have this notebook

you have this piece of paper you write down what's bothering you and then you look at it and read it and it'll clear your mind but these things that you worry about today you called me and said to me hey should I take this gig with Tripoli on the 12th because we it's a Thursday night when the fuck do we show do a show on a fucking way on Thursday I think in six years we've done one Thursday fucking show you know you replied to me all the time no we don't but in your drive it went into your head you know you got to talk to this psychiatrist about getting out of your head and living life a little bit let

the pieces fall where they may I don't know I'm not a psychic I'm gonna need a lot of work I might have to go twice a week for that cuz I my whole life I don't know I don't know how to do it in a notebook and I want you to wake up in the morning and I want you to drink a little bit of fucking coffee or drink some water and if it means going you have a balcony you said right yeah it's my balcony okay get a little this week from on Saturday from my gear go get a little tiny table with two chairs and I want you to put a hundred sweatshirt on the morning you know what Lee to make you happy take your diet coke oh it's

whatever makes you happy I want you to go out there and I want you to put a clock on and sit for one hour and I want you to write your day so when I wake up in the morning it says Thursday tomorrow when I wake up it's gonna say Wednesday February 6th no tomorrow's Tuesday correct yes sir it's gonna say Tuesday February 6th and the first line is it's a beautiful day to be alive I'm gonna drop Mercy off then I'm gonna go to the dentist then I'm gonna go do something else I'm gonna save my friend of my friend has time to give me a personal fucking spot before I gotta go to Hollywood maybe do this fucking 45

minute jiu-jitsu with me just roll with me a little bit of this gym cuz I don't have time to go to alberto's and the whole thing and then maybe when and then then I'm gonna fucking go down to Hollywood I got another meeting down there at three and then I gotta shoot up to fucking Hollywood I gotta shoot back to North Hollywood to go to swim class I can't wait to see Mercy swim I always have a good time when we swim see right all this out yeah and then hopefully I'll go do two spots tonight one at the fourth wall and one at flappers you know I've been having pretty good spots lately but I'm still missing some of my jokes you

know it's time for me to start writing again every fucking day I gotta stop fucking around with this fucking book and start writing fucking comedy but besides that I really enjoy being a husband I enjoy being the dad I love Mercy with all my heart I don't know what I'm gonna do with it I would hate for something for me to happen I write down what I'm gonna do all day and I get the gibberish out of my mind that stupid gibberish we all have that one dumb gibberish that even wakes you up in the middle of the night something as simple as I didn't like Joey giving me that bud with the fucking pee on it yeah I can't

believe Joey did that with the peon play but he's such a fucking scumbag but you know what at the end of the day I love that cocksucker so what I've had to be in my mouth once before I had it yes you have so this is what I write I force myself to write a page but I really try to get two pages and it takes 20 to 25 minutes so you have to allow yourself that I don't want you to write the hour then things have to happen in the morning so this is something that's happening while Twitter is on Facebook Outlook YouTube like I'm writing this as I'm listening to music I'm dumping my thoughts now there was book a book years

ago called the Warriors kills or something like that Warriors Wayne Warriors way and a heck came in different chapters and their explanation was to get up in the morning and to write what you wake up with in your mind on a sheet of paper between you and I as men I was doing that like four years before that before I read that book I started doing that for stand-up and for stand-up it was completely different I didn't have a wife I didn't have a kid so it would start with Thursday Tuesday February 6 today I'm gonna fucking get up I'd still start with it's a beautiful day to be alive I love living in my one bedroom little

fucking shit all at least I'm not fucking homeless I'm gonna go get a bag on see if I can borrow 10 bucks from the bartender so I go get a fucking nice lunch and then tonight when I get paid tonight I have three spots the first spot is at a shithole the second spot is at a place I have to do well at and the third spots for all the fucking marbles hopefully I'll be able to cover the six minutes and hopefully that new joke will work this is a little rough right now what I'm going through right now but I know that someday this will pay off I never wanted to be rich and prior I just wanted to have my daddy in the comedy

world blah blah blah blah blah do you have all these I have a lot of them I'm really sorry about what happened with my ex-wife and me and I really missed my daughter and I really wish I wouldn't hit John that day but that's the way life goes I gotta go away from this broad I'm living with right now me and her just do not see eye-to-eye and she's a dirty fucking whore I want you to write whatever is on your mind that's even triggering and after you write it you reread it right and now it takes away some of the it really does that that little exercise from me every morning and some of them I read and they're good

and some of them are just garbage but it doesn't matter I got the garbage out of my head for the day that dumb garbage I got in my head all day I go to bed sometime so angry about like a like a like a career move but I'll get up at three and email everybody when they get up when they get up at seven they go I sent that email at 3 38 a.m. they're like holy shit I break it to the office earlier yeah like that's that's what I do I use writing very therapeutically because I know if not that energy will stay in my head and they'll just go round and round and round until drive me fucking crazy I mean I'll try it

because I mean that's how what you said is exactly what happens to me yeah no no this is this is the easy way out before thinking is the worst thing you could do Lee I and I you look at me and people listening on the other side and go enjoy that is the dumbest fucking statement you'll ever have but at the same time I want you to be honest with me have you ever scared yourself by yourself with your thoughts we mean scare like scared yourself about your future that you have to change the thought of what you're thinking by yourself no horror movie no bill in the mail no mom's phone call have you ever

had a point where you've driven yourself to fucking nervousness oh fuck daily fuck fuck so I used to do that constantly now if you want me to tell you I don't do it anymore I do it probably once or twice a week but it used to be 24 hours a day seven days a week right and so I mean to break it down it sounds like a diary none not in a bad way but it just sounds like a diary yeah but not the a diary I love my life no no no no I write this early morning yeah and there's sometimes that I go back at night sometimes I do go back at night and we're right one more paragraph about how the day turned out and what I

learned that day and that's also a different part of that exercise was Tony Bennett's I want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart some somebody twice as smart as somebody who will swear to be true as you used to do with me who'll leave you to learn that misery loves company wait and see no I've really really really and this is nothing I read this was something I just when I would wake up in the mornings and Boulder in that little rocky apartment I started doing it there and what I usually do is get a three-section notebook so

the first two sections were my morning whatever and I would start backwards Chinese style what do you mean so I would start from I don't want nobody to see it so you never saw in the first page the last page second chapter Chinese style yeah and then the last chapter would be my spots for that period for that period so where's the pen should be right in front of you maybe I it's under the paper other way the other way this is what I do I do this for Jiu Jitsu I do this for my workout log I do everything because I want to know so this week I would put what is it two five to two fucking 12 okay which is probably my

next Monday the 12th so I say tonight I had two spots I had a spot at Joe's oyster ball and fucking the comedy underground okay so Joe's would be again February 5th Monday Joe's oyster ball and I would put the list of jokes that I did what I tried and what the result was so just just like the same bullet point for your set list you like sushi good yeah so I would have a set list okay that was gonna take up on stage but because I'm a moron I would forget it so I would just write down the jokes that I did do and then I would write an honest review of what I did and as raw honest as I could be like I'm talking about like if

you keep doing this you might as well jump off a fucking bridge like like I would improve like when those days I would do three minutes of material and improvise right and I was trying to get out of that habit I'm a fucking addict when I was a kid I had a bat I was a great rebounder but my downfall was instead of going back up with the ball I would bring the ball down and bounce it that's a big no-no once you grab the ball keep it high and keep it up and just lay it right back up I was grabbing the ball bouncing going up it took me a year to break that fucking habit so would you like you be like okay this

tonight I did this joke and I tried this differently or would it or would it just be the joke and how it went the joke how it went and then the second thing I would go I did that joke but this time I did try it differently and it worked like a charm I'll be out again tomorrow and then I would put Tuesday February 7th 6th now on Tuesday February 6th I got three spots I got the coffee shop at 645 I got Helen and Mary's at 8 o'clock and I'm gonna do the midnight dishwasher show at Flappers okay this one would be completely different I mean this one would be like great set but a fucking monkey could do that place you

know I'm saying like I'd be honest with myself and then the second one would be I did good I got to work on that closer and I have to work on the on the my performance next to it would say stop the cocaine what do you mean because the cocaine blocks the love from your brain to your heart to the stage you just become a machine when you do drugs you'll notice that that when you do like those heavy drugs that passion gets cut out you don't do drugs you'll never have this to worry about marijuana gives you a different effect on stage okay yeah I haven't tried it high yet no and that's good respect that don't go up

there high you'll know we'll get you with that that's a different torture chamber I was telling Lee about Joey's different torture chambers for open Micros oh yeah you know tell them he's doing three minutes and then he's doing 24 for people who have never done stand-up to do that extra 21 minutes I can't even the most I've ever done this 10 minutes in one second so I can't imagine doing 24 so let's pretend I would bomb at the 8 o'clock show on the midnight show I would write the dirtiest shit about myself underneath that like if I'm gonna continue this this has to be perked up okay done now on I'm writing

from one to two every day and then Wednesday and if it was like three or four days of bombing oh then I would write time to take time off come back with a clear head and for two days I would do drugs or go to movies or but I used the book a lot the notebook really stopped my mind down if you wake up in the middle of night because your mind is flowing please take out a notebook okay and just listen you're not having way you're not no you're none of those people I want you to write down what's troubling you and why it's troubling you and then sit it down and then read it and once you read it the power gets twisted on

that paper you reading something you experiencing something mentally is two different fucking things you both experience it mentally but they affect you differently yeah I mean I think it's the same or a similar thing that I get from therapy just saying it out loud sometimes she'll say she'll ask me a question about something like to clarify something as I'm telling her I'm like oh I don't like care about this at all like when I say it out loud it's on stupid as the therapy helped you yeah oh yeah I love it I even just to have someone bounced to bounce stuff off of is not is very nice and it's without like any

sort of judgment and not that you would like I have some very good people in my life but I that that's part of what my brain does is that I like oh I can't bother these people with these things they don't want to hear these things so it's it's been great yeah I and my mom bus my bus my balls a lot because she's she wanted me to do it when I was a lot younger but yeah I'm really enjoying it and but and I hope you got and that's kind of comforting for the 30 thing because I'm sure it's not gonna be that big of a deal I'm sure there's a lot people listening who are 35 40 50 and they're like you're an idiot but I don't

like this is like this is he bigger than 21 this is bigger than 25 this is I don't know I just in life everybody has hang-ups Lee right I have a lot of them I have a lot of them too we all had we all have different hang-ups and the fucking funny thing is when we overcome you know in your mind you expect what the fuck do you expect at 30 when you wake up it's July 12th or something what do you mean my birthday 20th July 20th when you wake up that morning when I call you up and say wake up cocksucker we're going to take it a deep and I'm like are you awake and you're like yeah I don't know for an hour no yeah wake up your

fuck the sun shining oh yeah by the way it's your birthday what do you think is going to feel what do you think is going to happen when you go into the age void of 30 I don't know I what do you expect I mean let's write it out let's get it out what the fuck do you expect is gonna happen well the what's gonna be different my brother about being 30 yes what's gonna be different honestly the one the one thing that's really gonna change you like the health thing is scaring me I know I eat a lot of shitty food but like the health of the 30 like there's people who've died at 29 of heart attacks and so that's that's

scaring me the rest of it is not more about like what is going to happen it's like just it's like what I was saying earlier just what I expected for myself and and I just get I get negative about like the like you said about what I should have done earlier what I what I'll be doing later and then with like especially like the birthday like that was with what happened this weekend with paul was tough just because I'm like I don't it's gonna it's gonna be the five years that we spent together were like five big years in my life so it's just weird I'm very sorry I'm happy you got it out

you got it out again you know you're getting on a real relationship what do you expect it's gonna happen you learn a lot about yourself life is a great fucking thing life is fucking great and the best thing about life is that you get to learn by yourself every fucking day and some of the shit you can put out there and some of the shit you keep to yourself and you know like I said I was married you know I thought that was I just wasted that poor girl's time and I moved out here with the drug counselor that poor girl I just straight up lied to then I had my buddy's ex-wife and that was just a drug relationship and then I

met the stripper and I value that relationship I learned a lot from her plus she gave me the final push to move to Los Angeles so regardless of whatever happened between us I'll never forget that I'll cherish that that's why I was still friends and we still communicate because even though the relationship was rocky I never forgot her giving me my push to come to ally right and then that's and that's I think why I made the decision because I think Paul and I could have been happy for a while but the all this stuff that's been going through my head I need to I can't let this go on like this and I've been I've

had the same thought processes for 29 years I've been I don't I'm sure I've changed a little bit but to my core the purple what I like and dislike has been the same and my mind like gut reactions to things are the same as when I was sick like six years old and not that I can completely change or I would want to but I need to some things obviously not working in certain aspects of my life I'm trying to change it up who knows it's like it's tough like you said you don't know what's gonna happen but try something I mean listen people probably confuse the thought process of what you want to do and oh no that that that it's when

you there's a line of thinking that you go into that you it's like you were watching something and you're like what am I watching this what do I give a fuck about this right this is what starts to happen in your life pretty soon you get these certain freedoms do you ever see the movie office space oh yeah of course when the guy kept calling him on saturday he decided he wasn't gonna go to work he really did a great job of showing you the mental freedom he had he got up and the guy came over and said what are you doing he was like I'm going fishing it was all about a switch that went off in his head right and he was happier I mean it's a spoiler it's fucking

however many years later yeah but he was he was happier working construction and like that's I think that part of my frigate about 30 I need to look at like you don't know not always everything goes to plan obviously I'm doing this but maybe I don't maybe money isn't the most important thing which is weird for me like is that's really been my main focus let's say everybody wants to make money everybody wants to have a yacht lead everybody wants to have bitches and hoes we're driven to that okay I was no different my payoff was going to be a by robbing somebody or be by making a big drug deal I had the capacity to do neither I failed at both of those fucking things okay so I you know everybody has a lottery ticket type of dream we all do you know you go to college

you're gonna degree at something you're gonna get a job you get promoted you get a great salary that's great but we all want fucking wealth that's what everybody wants that's what we think that's what we're programmed to think that everything's gonna be fine and fucking damned exactly I would love to see the cameras off in the Kardashian house that's fine yeah I mean I love it becomes different type of problems but money doesn't take away problems money doesn't save lives money doesn't do a lot of things that people think people live all these years to get money you see them they become producers and they get creepy and they tell their wives they're gonna live in Monaco and all this shit and it's I don't know like for me one day I realized

I fell in love with comedy so hard that I was living in a room with a cot some clothes and I gotta tell you something I was the happiest I ever was and see I don't in that time the only the only thorn in my side and blessing in my side was Carol the stripper the stripper she was a thorn in my side but at the same time she was an angel in my corner right and for the result look I'm here I'm here doing a podcast you 20 years later her and I are still friends everything in my life at that time in 1996 I was so happy in that office that I'd gotten a place to live for 125 a month Jesus 125 a month no shower you don't need a 125 a month no I joined the Y for 25 bucks or whatever the gym was and that's what I did I worked out I wrote jokes

and I got on stage at night and I barely made it every fucking single day I knew that all I had to do was get to the comedy club and I was gonna get dinner Lionel got on at six that means I could show up there at six fifteen and Lionel would make me a BLT and give me all his mistakes and make me a steak and give me something to go do you know what I'm saying like I figured out a way to survive in Seattle right I had a little telemarketing job a couple days a week make getting donations for cops they paid me 12 bucks an hour if I took 200 from them a week I was lucky and then on Thursdays I would do a Pat Wilson gig and on Fridays I would get another gig for $150 my total income at the time was $1,100 a month and Lee no car no car no car no prospects Carol was my girlfriend but she wasn't

my ally okay there's a big difference Terry Clark my wife today is my ally right it took me and I can't lie to you my first wife Kathy was an ally she changed during the relationship people do change during relationships you know people do change during relationships and sometimes you see that person for what they are see weddings and marriages and shit and engagements make you see what you want to see right and once the honeymoon phase is over as they call it that's when the problems begin I don't know about you but I have like a specific one friend in mind in mind I met him when I first moved here he was probably like 45 he never like his his ex-wife what the fuck was that someone's angry in another office I guess um he never says what ex-wife wouldn't let him see his kids

they lived in Newport Beach but they were still going after him for child support like she was wealthy from her family he was working night and day but like double shift to pay this stuff off and he uh he ended up passing away this year in an accident in a motorcycle accident yeah and uh and that made me think because he was happy when he got married like the you're happy and you I know you can't think that way because not every relationship is going to end that way but I don't I don't want to I would never want to end up like that I would never want to have my had to not be able to see my kids or and and because you just married the wrong per that's a big thing like you just married the wrong person that's fucking that's a big that's

scary you want to make sure you're sure I married the wrong person and she married the wrong person both made a mistake and I had the child in 1990 which made me 27 years old and at that time I could not take care of myself 27 love to tell you people at home that I could take it I knew how to take care of myself on the street I knew how to finagle people but I was not consistent I was not a consistent human being I could not have your money on the first because cocaine came first when I had the child like I said I did everything I could I worked I paid rent I did what I could but my heart wasn't in it this was not what I expected of the life this is it this is it I got a fucking slave all week on a roof to come home you know this was not it this

was not the life I was seeing people holding hands running through a fucking park I'm working six days a week I'm working six days a week she's working four days a week we're barely fucking making it and the one day off a week you don't get to do what you want to do no I'm with them and talking about whatever shit they want to do I became very unhappy to me I wanted the American picture I was in jail my parents died when I was a young age here I was I had the opportunity and now that I was right there in the game I did not fucking want it I did not want it I loved that little girl with all my heart but I did not want this it was terribly and guess what she didn't want it either and this is why I pay I pay for this daily every day but it's so weird like I said to you last

night after we did the spot the fourth wall that Lee you keep meeting women ladies you're listening to this too you know when you're when you're 18 19 20 you have the disposition of this man you're going to meet well guess but by the time you're 32 you're fucking more morals or you whatever standards your standards drop a lot they drop a lot because you start looking and it's the same with money you know you just want to be happy you just some but it's nice that I could what if I fucking could fly you to Monaco to eat your pussy that's great but if I didn't make you laugh and my bad breath and my feet stunk it wouldn't be a good experience for you would it but what if I just took you to the parking at your pussy and made you laugh and held you the right way money can't

people were so for 20 years that's it I thought a little bit of money was going to change my life I'd have friends and you don't want that money I have no use for money anymore at all at all I don't have the same desires I had I'm happy going to jiu-jitsu and fucking we go to fucking Papa does and I don't need what what did you what did you want what did you think was going to happen I don't know I was gonna be in W and get an assistant oh you yeah tell people to go to Starbucks and get me coffee with silo take a little bit of foam foam on the side I was gonna give orders is that what you people wanted out of me that was never gonna happen in my life no matter what you give me that's never gonna happen in my life I don't want that I never wanted that

a fucking assistant who's that but you know I ain't really a fucking assistant as an actor or a comic I don't like nothing that shit you know so what would you want me to change so money's not gonna do nothing yeah a couple years ago you're thinking about getting a Cadillac and you didn't get it no I want everybody to have money but I want you I want you to go for money to be comfortable I don't I don't want you to reach for this Tester Rosa money so you could buy a house for eight million dollars and if it happens I fucking love it but when I was doing that I was getting nowhere because everything seemed minute to me and I wasn't gonna do the work anyway see we all want to go to heaven but nobody wants to die nobody wants to die we all just want a fucking

Tester Rosa and six chicks with us all the time and for us to be the life of the fucking party but that costs money it's $12 a fucking cocktail isn't it it's 25 to park yeah it's 100 just to walk in there you have to see what your standards are we're talking about my other buddy that I grew up with that he's my brother I love him with all my heart but every chick he meets comes off a relationship with a guy owned like a baseball team so he can't take it to McDonald's he's got to be somebody else two years in the relationship breaks up because they realize that's not who he is if we tell our significant other in the beat like by the time I got to Terry I knew the rules already I was 40 I was 37 she was 30 I knew already as much as and then

I'll bring Terry hasn't been on the podcast in two years and we'll discuss it she felt I was pushing her away at parts of our relationship I wasn't pushing her away I was just setting boundaries for the future because all my life we all do is mend the first six months we tell you whatever the fuck we want to hear as long as we're getting your pants and then one day we got to pay for that fucking check that we got to pay that tab and now they fall apart because we love everything I want to save white monkeys in Africa so do I you know we don't want to do nothing we just want to dick suck what happened to the monkeys yeah yeah who gives a fuck about the monkeys let me get some shout out to you so I I don't know what you're feeling right now Lee I just know that

everything does happen for a reason I don't give a fuck what anybody tells you uh she's a great girl I'm sorry it came to this you did not waste five years of your life you went to life college you just went to college you went to love college absolutely and then I didn't want to waste any more of her time and who knows what will happen I'm not saying it's completely over but uh you guys get along and your goombas and your friends but um you're 29 wait you can't be now it's five nights a week no and then when you do go out it's it's a fucking nightmare anyway you know how many times do I call you and say call Johnny Rock call Martin Rizzo you're a 29 year old kid you can't be around a 54 year old fat fuck Steve Simone is no fucking Anthony Robbins you know these guys these

comics we're all fucking crazy you're a nice sweet kid Johnny rocks a nice sweet kid and they're all your aides oh absolutely yeah give me a shot for a while and that's it in touch with Paula oh yeah she's a sweet sweet kid you have no regrets uh stay in touch with her respect give her the respect she wants and start hanging out two nights a week with those young kids see that perspective there's a company with those kids I saw Johnny rock last week at flappers he improved dramatically he got stuck for a while in his fucking world with some broad through yeah he was trying to be shakes be a goofy with a sit with fucking glasses on and a purple jacket and a white fucking suit listen at least I at no matter how old you are at what point in your life we're always gonna get lost for

a certain time in our lives there's always something there's always something I did a hundred episodes of beating the beast with Felicia do you think I look at it as I did a hundred I wasted a hundred episodes no I learned how to do a podcast I learned how to talk and be frank and come across and get my feelings across on a microphone nothing is a waste as long as you tried it you know can you imagine can you imagine if Kate quickly showed up tonight with a bikini and you married around Thursday then we have a fucking problem oh yeah that yeah I'd be having a breakdown but my fucking what am I I don't I didn't do nothing I ate the little pee well the pee was gonna get me anyway Gio Federico Rob Wolzer D in Colorado I'll see you in a few weeks my brother and remember February 17th

is your boy's birthday my dog Lawn Rosenkirk been there since day one another one of my soldiers Mark Varley my girl Cleo petitioning Netflix for me the other day with a heartfelt message thank you very much Cleo for believing in me and for the culture and all the beautiful words you said my man Aaron Michael Stein my man Chris Trent and my man Ryan Stetson plus my main dog in Philadelphia they're moving fucking one by one podcast The Man of Steel Mikey Stein and that's it you know I love all you motherfuckers and don't forget we added an extra show next week in Denver okay so we added the 22nd and 10 o'clock show we also added a birthday party at the comedy store belly room Sunday 98th of 8 o'clock just to let you know Alabama sweet home I'll see you motherfuckers the

first week of March because I love you but we'll get to that shit later anyway something else I did that was very interesting number two I want to talk about no disrespect to Lisa I don't want to congratulate the Eagles I don't well uh I mean you know it was a great game it was a great game anytime doing the fucking game it's always a great fucking game but you sat there till the last minute going what's he gonna do take two balls out in Chrome at once and get 14 points I know it was hard for guys like you I was talking to some guy yesterday at the at the open mic and he was just saying how just with Tom Brady you just come to expect them to come back but it was obviously Philadelphia this year they they fucking killed it it was Atlanta and there's some drama right now

because Belichick benched a guy because he smoked a little weed or something who knows but yeah it was a fucking great game you could have benched Jesus last night Philadelphia went out there to win they played their hearts out and the most important thing is it's a great city you know so is Boston you know I love I love I should have gone to Drexel but I love uh Philly and they deserve it they took good city uh Steve Simone there yes I think I don't know is that I got nothing hard I can't wait to see you motherfuckers in June I think I'm coming to Philly to a theater in June and it's just uh really exciting but something else I did this week you know Friday night I try to read I was gone for two weeks in a row so the first Friday I usually try to go out

of date with my wife and we were gonna go see the Molly movie and then we're gonna go see uh gone girl what's the name of that movie directed by Bethany uh oh uh what's gone forever my girl forever my girl and that was playing somewhere else you know and the next thing you fucking know somebody was doing a play on Lenny Bruce a one-man show and it was directed by Joe Montena and I saw it got decent reviews about a month ago and listen man when you're a writer or an engineer or a designer or something you ever get stuck you ever get stuck like you really do sometimes go what the fuck I'm kind of in a slump I can't get an idea to make this look like this guess what you do go to your museum and look at fucking figures so you know what I'm always looking to learn

to write and shit and to learn so this performer Joey Marmo I think that's his name Ronnie Marmo I did a movie with him I got fired from a movie called pizza and bullets it was just one of those movies I saw one guy was in the movie and I go I can't be in the movies isn't that movie so I'm quit and they sent the guy to my house and we got to an argument the cops came in it would have made a long story short my wife and I go fuck what are we gonna do and we end up going over to this fucking movie theater this this play play it was right on Lancashire at the something theater and it's something by Lenny Bruce I'm Lenny Bruce or something like that we walk in and who's in the front row but our boy Tom Rhodes with his wife it's date night for them

so Tom had just done the podcast with us on Wednesday and here he is two days later around the corner over at this fucking joint so I watched the one-man play I mean Lenny Bruce is one of my heroes guys he was one of my true fucking heroes and it's crazy the reasons why and stuff I mean all the if you don't know Lenny Bruce was he was a comic from the 50s and 60s that really opened the door for comics like me he went to jail he got arrested you know for doing material one of the church guys gave me life in Carnegie Hall it's a fucking brilliant album by the way Dave Wilder I got your album so I forgot I'm in the fucking house with Maricio Alvarado's fucking poster of of Sabbath that he gave us the purple one the other day so uh what are we talking

about oh the the play the play so I go to this I love Lenny Bruce I don't know how many times I've told fucking Lili put on Lenny Bruce this is how I want my shit shot this is how it's supposed to be shot from the waist up Lenny Bruce just had a very tragic story for a comic you know uh at the end he died of drugs but he spent all his money on you know fighting the courts because he represented himself and blah blah blah and he kept getting fined and it's you know the the stuff he told about New York was really funny and just just to clarify he he went he got in trouble with the court for saying fuck something like that right something weird he said something and the cops took the notes and then they arrested him on the cops notes so he had to do he turned

the courtroom into like this fucking joke thing he's like well let the cop do my fucking material blah blah blah blah blah and they went back and forth but it was just great to watch I didn't sit with Tom I sat behind them and it's always good to go out of your element I mean since day one on the podcast we've been speaking about going out of your fucking zone sometimes you go out of your comfort zone and great fucking things happen and uh we watched it was great Ronnie was great um I don't know there was just something missing but who the fuck am I I'm no theater critic he did a great job afterward we went outside and my the wives talked to me and then he came outside and he talked to us and he was very nice in fact I was gonna try to get him on the podcast to tell why he

got because his story to it and I forgot to bring the fucking paperwork to read how he's an actor he's not even a comic but he was so in throw with Lenny fucking Bruce that he wanted to do this kind of homogenous I guess uh Bruce Lenny Bruce's daughter likes him so much that she let him do the voice to one of his books that they reissued so it's this guy doing his voice if you live in the in the area and you want to go check it out go check it out man it's pretty uh I think it's Mondays and Sunday matinee and it's something out of the realm and it's one of the guys and then you know what go do I suggest watching the movie with Dustin Hoffman no I suggest reading ladies and gentlemen uh how to talk dirty and influence people oh there's two books I read

the one was the one that made me going to stand up the other one was just a funny book what are the names I know how to make friends and influence people yeah how to make friends and influence people and they you know these are all the books I read when I moved the ball to steal this book by that fucking activist dude you know I would read the Lenny Bruce shit that this when I first read about Lenny I wasn't thinking of becoming a stand up but what I read is that ladies and gentlemen Lenny Bruce you just had a dick cock sucker yeah let it ladies and gentlemen Lenny Bruce when I read that book that was the one that sealed my fucking fate right there that was the fucking one it came out in 74 when did you read it 89 and you weren't doing comedy yet or right

about the start I was having thoughts about it and when I read the book it pushed me over the edge I liked everything about it I like the drug and about it I like that I just don't add no futile so this would be my easiest out me doing stand up at night till four in the morning with strippers and then going home and shooting heroin with a bunch of jazz musicians and fucking waking up at two at the Chelsea hotel god knows what the rent was maybe 40 dollars a week you share a bathroom with 18 different fucking people it's that type of environment but I was pretty prepared to do it for my love of stand up and just to just not matter because I didn't really want to matter what do I give a fuck who knows who I am I don't know who I am I just want to be able to do stand

up comedy all right I think I can taste the pee Lee if I told you it was all a lie no you wouldn't would you feel better you see what I'm saying it's not true you think you let shit go in your mind like a weed and let it contaminate you for three or four days I see it happen all the fucking time you're gonna turn 30 it's just a year you still got 70 years to prove your point assume you're gonna live to your 100 you got 70 years to prove your point what's 30 you ain't got shit it's just one of those fucking years nothing's gonna change you still gotta pay for rent you still gotta go up show up here to get a check and you know it'd be the same man that's it only stronger wise you're not gonna make the same mistakes you've made before right

number two your birthdays in july why the fuck do you give a fuck about 30 dude I was right about 30 before I was 29 so was I but don't worry about it oh sometimes you get a blue belt and you're not a blue belt but you'll grow into it I finally grew into my age of 54 years old I grew up I could tell you officially when I grew up at 47 at 47 was when I finally you know you gotta remember I didn't fail as a plumber or an artist or my business didn't fail or I failed as a man which is the worst failure you could fail people come back from failing as a painter or as a radio host or as a comic or they lose a contest but it's pretty fucking much pretty hard to come back when you failed as a man what do you mean you failed as a man

there's a husband I failed as a man I failed to fight what I believed for because I thought I was gonna lose but at the same time I became a stand-up comic so I don't really know if there's a loss in there but in my mind I lost I lost as I failed at marriage I was a failure at that point in my life and that that scarred me more than my mother's death and I was a failure who not only that lost his kid like your friend when you were telling the story before I've been where he's been when your wife don't let you see the kids and you gotta come up with attorney money you gotta come up with attorney money to see your kids it's gonna cost you every your life savings it's like if you had hung around I have no idea because he the kids are teenagers I was a complete different

person in 1995 to 19 I was angry for four years like deep embedded anger which meant if you cut me off by mistake you got double of what you really deserved if you did something to me by mistake I went off on you 10 times harder than what what it really was going on that anger was impairing my fucking vision it was impairing who I was but you do have the right to get that angry they're taking your kids from you you know what you don't love me Lee I get it brother I get it you know what I was starting to have doubts about you too but do me a favor have your sister bring the kids to fucking the burger hut and let me see him for an hour and just talk to them and ask them about what they want to do how they feel that well this is going out don't

alienate from me I still live in a lot of pain from what happened with me 20 years ago my daughter my daughter turned 28 years old yesterday I sent a happy birthday on all the platforms that I have every year I'm gonna send a happy birthday tell her I love her and tell her they brainwashed her that that's not the person who I was it really wasn't you know if she contacts me back she contacts me back leave she doesn't life goes on it's not gonna drag me down I'm not gonna go to the psychot I'm too old to do drugs and snort coke and drink myself into an oblivion I can't do that I got responsibilities I have another daughter God gave me a second chance to be a man which is a very big fucking chance and I have to fill those shoes like we all do in our lives we're all gonna

fail we're all gonna fucking fail at one thing or another when you fail as a man you know I failed this mad marriage I ended up as a fucking convicted felon I was a failure there's no two ways about it I'm no better than you I'm no better than nobody who listens to his goddamn podcast but just I didn't stop you know I'm saying like that was it it cut me so deep that fail it was like when I got left back on the seventh grade that fucked me I got A's after that Lee I never got another B not even a B plus I got straight A's after that you know what I'm saying right yeah you need that failure to to boost jobs right so we live and we learn that's what age is and you get wiser and you get smarter and you learn what you're doing what you can't do you're a good kid you're making

good directions you're the backbone of this podcast um I laugh a lot I laugh I go Jesus Christ thank god Lee wasn't around when I was doing drugs because he'd still be waiting for that six a.m podcast you know what I'm saying you went through a relationship you realize that the American dream wasn't really the American dream of getting married and getting a house and buying and having that green yard especially at 30 there's no need for right now it requires a lot of work it requires a lot of dedication from you and right now in these times you have to establish yourself as a young man first before you could even fucking think of supporting somebody else I can't I can't imagine being being uh responsible for

someone else or I mean not God forbid I love kids but I can't like if I had a kid right now I'm nowhere ready to have a kid I'm sorry about the bottle I fell apart Lee right I fell apart at 27 and let me tell you something else we'll put this on the open before you wrap up you know Lee's doing a great job with his comedy he's a great writer he hung around it's so long that he heard you know when he fucking calls me he watches the special comes out at midnight Lee watches the special at 12.05 I give the kid credit about that so uh he likes it and I watch him and I watch the shit he comes up with at this level how I found out about his unhappiness was Paula was him going on stage I never I was on the fence about it I knew something

was bothering you I thought it was me and my behavior you know we had a couple bad months I didn't know the month I didn't know what it was until you said that that night on stage I would never had brought that up to the stage at doing comedy at the six month level not even close I didn't even know how to present that that that statement okay so uh I'm watching what you're doing and uh I'm trying I'm everything happens for a reason and you know what she might end up being your your fucking attorney in 10 years that'd be crazy you'll laugh and giggle nobody waits time with anybody it's always learning or education and you ended up on good terms nobody got hit in the head with a chair no nobody got thrown out against the will the cops didn't come you did

like a gentleman when you explain your thoughts to me during the week last week I said he's not doing this till April so I could tell that you have made progress with this therapist I'm very proud of you brother I'm trying man I'm trying and I'm actually really excited uh speaking of Sam Tripoli he invited me in March of the ways away but March I'm gonna be at the velvet Jones on March 10th with him and my catherwood from love line and totally from the uh Jason Ellis show it's gonna be great and there's what's going on you're getting out there and that night you were going to Lee was going to do both spots he was going to do the six o'clock at the fourth wall and the seven o'clock at the fourth wall and he was going to go home and we went to the

commie store I did my spot you know when you go to the commie store if you walk in there with me or with Lee there's gonna be a part of the night where you're gonna end up talking to Dean Brody Stevens or Eddie Bravo and next thing you know I'm talking to Lee and I disappear and a couple minutes later Lee comes up to me you know wobbling with his little look on his face with that smile on his face and it was like he smoked 50 joints but his eyes weren't red they just had sparkles on me look me straight in the face and he was you're not gonna believe this Sam Tripoli gave me a gig and I looked him straight in the face and I said Lee nothing happens on the couch if you wouldn't have been here he wouldn't have saw you he wouldn't have thought about you

and that's why comedy is a weird animal because I still want you to network but I want you to network after you do your comedy I do not want you to network first and then go to and then do comedy go do your two sets out and then go let your face be seen it's very effective it works great so if you live in Pittsburgh and the improv has an open mic on Wednesday and the rusty penguin does their show but then at 10 o'clock there's a big show where they fly a headliner in you want to be there to watch the headliner learn something from but you never know the guy might look at you and go hey man didn't we work together a few years ago in Louisville I'm doing one of these tomorrow night in fucking Paducah can you open for me and you're like

look what happened my wife wanted to stay home and watch green is the next purple but I fucking came here and look what happened I got a little gig out of it nothing happens on the couch ladies and gentlemen no thank you very much for listening do not forget this weekend I got dick but the following weekend the 17th the ice house is sold out the 18th tickets are on sale in the belly room great lineup my wife's coming they're gonna bring a carvel cake Eleanor listen it's just church family so the quicker you get your ticket it's just for church family and then they added an extra show and then because we sold out the five the comedy works I'm sorry it's Thursday night at 10 I'm fucking trying all right I kept the ticket prices cheap and I want to see

all you motherfuckers out and that's basically it again thank you for listening to the church and I want to thank you for listening to the Joey Rogan podcast we had a great time the other day but don't go nowhere I gotta talk to you think people about two things and then I'll let you get the fuck out of here and go live your life number one are you hiring is your business hiring is something you know hiring posting your position to job sites and waiting and waiting for the right people to see it good luck you know zip recruiter knew there was a smarter way so they built a platform that finds the right job candidates for you as zip recruiter learns what you're looking for they identify the people with the right

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