Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #558 - Ali Siddiq

Episode Date: February 13, 2018

Ali Siddiq, Comedian seen on "This Is Not Happening" and whose new special, "It's Bigger Than These Bars" airs on Comedy Central February 23, 2018, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Harry's - Get your FREE trial shave set at Harrys.com/CHURCH Blue Apron: Go to blueapron.com/JOEY to get $30 off you first order.    Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 02/12/2018.  

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February 12th We ain't fucking around. I used to be a blinkin day, but they fuck this in the ass So now it's just February 12th. What? Oh shit Oh Shit Alisa dig the Christ killer and your uncle Joey in the same motherfucking room With a partner shit, he's bringing my partner from Houston my baby boy

Oh Jesus fucking Christ Oh She wasn't good Jesus fucking Christ That's as fucking smooth as it gets Alisa deacon this motherfucker we started this Conversation off on the wrong foot, and I'm very sorry Ali knows how to get my blood pressure going. I don't want to hear about the Richard Pratt

This is all bullet. There's just to show you people the type of people we have Oh Quincy Jones didn't get molested did Harvey Weinstein stick a finger up his ass did anybody molest him Oprah suck his dick So he just decided just to go on the microphone And spill shit about people that he got no business talking about Marvin Gaye's dead. He ain't even around to protect himself Richard prior dead. He ain't around to put that why you got to tell people he sucked Marlon Brando's dick I mean people threw away to Godfather yesterday

Many motherfuckers got up and just threw away to Godfather fuck that fag motherfucker really they take it that seriously That's Fido Corleone Who who took it more seriously the Marlon Brando fans of the Richard Pratt fans people know Richard prior had his problem African-americans they know they ain't stupid every African-american Italian man Richard Pratt is cool as shitty. You know he had his demons I know for a fact I read in one of the books Paul Mooney sucked his dick now Paul Mooney is one of my mantis Period Paul Mooney is one of my mantis. You know what when I see Paul Mooney

I don't even think about him sucking his dick or Richard sucking his dick like that's how much I love Paul Mooney It don't matter to me But don't be spreading rumors about Richard Pryor fucking outside the fucking You know, yeah You fuck Paul Mooney, that's it. That's that's all we get you you want, you know, but this this um Um This wheel this wheel harp

I don't know who he is this wilbert harp Yeah, Richard did a whole bit about um him fucking wilbert harp and sending them flowers So I don't know what you know the story about what happened. I know the um The lockers He did this whole bit. This is the one when he won't they said that his mother's At his mother's brothel. He had to do oral sex on men from time to time Do I want to hear that about Richard Pryor? Not at all. That's how deep his fucking pain was No, one little mother fuck was throwing fucking crack on himself and lighting himself on fire

Think about what that motherfucker did that guy was in deep pain But the story about the hollywood ball when he did Benefit when he did and he went up there and started going off on him And he was almost ruined his career, bro Because they thought it was a he thought it was a human rights thing And then what happened was backstage That it was a um only one other african-american Group that was performing it was this pop lock group called the lockers

and The lockers Would nobody help them. They wouldn't assist the stage hands wouldn't assist him It was like racism and his finest and so Richard decided he was going to bait the audience in And then turn on them right in the middle because how they treated how they treated the lockers from The story that I read And you know, I don't know how true it is. I just know right Richard Richard had his had his things and

My thing was Quincy shouldn't have Decided after all this time to Talk about people that can't defend you're not supposed to speak ill of the dead, you know one It hurts the people who are alive that love them and two they not here to defend themselves So Quincy if he did Fuck marlon rando, you know That's between him and godfather

Ali can you Can you explain something to me because I just don't know I've heard the term and I just don't know what it means Like the download I heard I know it's a thing that happens But is that what Richard prior was is that was is that considered the download what Richard prior was doing? Because isn't it gay sex? That's what I thought I don't really know the the significant how the download works. It's not a part of my life, but Richard was not on the download the download is something where you

Doing something behind somebody's back. Richard was on the out out. What? He was on the outro. He that's what he He was in the out front. That's what Richard was on Richard was on the out front But the whole thing is hey, whatever he did he did whatever but Marvin Gaye It's still my favorite Artist it doesn't change any of the songs for me. You got to get off Um, what's going on? It don't change any of the songs. I'm not throwing away my Richard prior albums or my Richard prior shirt

And my godfather is definitely safe as long as I have a vcr Because I have it on vhs UNO school, I that's when I first got is it on like two vhs tapes. He doesn't like to He was able to box, you know, it was a three box set You know, I know for a fact that Marlon Brando went crazy at the end. He had he was living in this world Tonight I was watching something when I got home. I had to go to way watches and I took my daughter and my wife With me after school and then we went home and I got home Prince was on The the the autopsy at Prince

That's a show. Yeah, the autopsy is a show. It was that tonight Whitney Houston and some John Belushi. Yeah, it was like a lineup tonight a fucking drugs and They were talking about what's gonna happen next Monday next Monday. They're gonna do an expose on Prince and that he was having a hard time because You hear this shit and people go, well, you know, he's a fucking loser How can you be lonely with a million dollars? He said that he couldn't believe how famous he was made him as lonely as he was There's a guy that fucked sheena. He's thin. He fucked

What's his name? That's why what do you think all the problem? What do you think that dude's still mad alex ballwin? What do you think alex ballwin's mad angry? I have no idea because he found out kim bashing just sucked prince's dick. Whoo Kim bashing used to fuck prince dog Prince bad Yeah They pulled that deal out on him had to do soundtracks. Yeah Prince bad prince was a bad dude, but you know Guys all that all that shit comes from

We grow up when you grow up that pain that darkness Look how prince grew up like a god. Look how prince went out Guys like you know me like I don't fucking had to have the world by the balls Look how they went out. Look how they fucking went on dad. So michael jackson had so much fucking pain that kid went crazy at the fucking end That motherfucker was shooting off fentanyl by the fucking iv Marlon brando. They told that motherfucker getting shaved for apocalypse now. He should have 400 pounds That's why they only shot him from that up and shit. You're supposed to be a marine not a fucking cheeseburger You were supposed to be a badass marine. You were supposed to get a trainer

That motherfucker told him to fuck you then they moved to the island And then they were sending them scripts. He wanted a hundred thousand to read an island uh read the script That's a good deal a hundred thousand dollars. He wanted to read your fucking script So if you caught marlon up and said I have a script here. He said Bitch send over a hundred grand and you want me to come off the island? Oh That's something completely different You want me to meet you in miami? That's another hundred. Jesus. Shit like he was pimping heavy You lose your mind, bro

These people make you lose your fucking mind here after a while if you don't have people close to you That have you can keep you grounded in this game, bro This shit will suck you up and spit you out. You start believing your own fucking lyrics If I blow smoke up your ass every fucking day, you know what that does to you that means you do nothing wrong Every day every day that's what these people do to you. They both smoke up your ass I witness it marlon brando went crazy at the end half of these fucking people go crazy came dean went crazy Look at what's happening now in hollywood every week somebody else

Wants mother fucking attention for getting felt up by harvey warrenstein and shit Guy was worth 20 million dollars. He could have just fucked the hooker and shot her in the head Like what's going on in your life? What's going on in your life nothing? I got three kids and shit. I lost my custody battle. Listen How about we get those kids a hundred grand? How about I just fucking fuck the shit out of your fucking in the ass? Don't I have to sign a way but not in this deal in this deal. We just shoot you Nobody knows nothing dead men don't tell tales. You know what I'm saying? Is this the shit that goes on now now you got to hear for fucking a year rose mcgown

We were talking about that poor white bitch Have you seen her lately dog? It's like she went into a room with a thousand dicks And everybody just hit her in the head with dick dick after dick until she got pts date That bitch could be a pittsburgh steeler I was surprised. You don't shoot yourself with a pittsburgh steeler jersey. Oh that crazy bitch It's one of those nice people allisa digg is going deep on that edible and shit I gotta show you some I gotta show you so can you put the video off of village people? Have you what was the last time you watched this allisa digg? I never watched this. Oh my fucking god

Oh my god, I have It's the music video. Yeah, my daughter asked me. I've seen it on my daughter. She's playing on mtv didn't need a lot Yeah, my daughter doesn't understand like she didn't know she asked me. She said one of the kids in her school got two daddies So she came up to me like five o'clock. She fucked my world up with that question. That's worse than jeopardy dog I'm like oh in 22 on jeopardy every night. She fucked my world up So the other thing I could do was to show you this video Of ymca. Watch this fucking video and this is 1978. This was faggots with faggots. I want you to see the I want you to see the commitment. I really wish like I'm just so

Amazing. This is parenting. Like, okay. How am I gonna explain gay people? So I showed her fucking this video and she got pissed because they don't invite girls to the ymca They don't want to be at the ymca Put the music on and watch this video Play the music for my friend here. So he understands what's going on on the outside Watch this shit Watch these motherfuckers. See this one gay was gay. Look at this Look at the white dude. Lee the white dude that the biker you would suck his dick. Look at them. What look at them

What? The skinny black dude at the end he already got the hiv. Look at he's skinny. He's missing his beats. Watch him. Look at him He looks like arseneo. I'm back to the woods. Look at him. Look at him at the end with the army suzan There's a place you can go Look at molly brando It's fun to stay at the ymca It's fun to stay at the ymca Are you kidding me on lisa d. We gotta do this video over me you and some hard-hitting brothers, you know what i'm saying?

Is it a little about gay sex though? It's about something That's the dirtiest mustache. Can you believe that? You know, you're not much coming out of that mustache Ah You smell his mustache. You get pregnant I love this fucking song. I love them. I love them. I love them with all my heart. I don't get what anybody calls me I don't think you knew what the song meant It means go to the ymca. You want to get your dicks up? They'll feed you. They'll clean your ass

And you get fucked in the ass too. There you go. You today. Here we go. This is what my daughter got pissed You can hang out with all the boys it's fun to stack after she got pissed about She's like daddy. He's not saying girls. I said that's my point You can get yourself All right put on in the navy now they had three jams. Were they all about gay sex? Oh my god, they sang a song about the navy. That's why people would join the navy for a long time They were saying that if you were in the navy, you were gay You were in the witness relocation plan for dick if you joined the navy. Oh my god

It's right there and I swear to god dog for a long time They sang this song and that's what it fucked people up watch in the navy You've never seen this either way. I'm sorry. I've heard the audience. Yeah, everybody got a submarine going up your ass They don't want the girl all day well That counts the grandma Where can you begin to make your dreams all come true all the land around the sea Where can you go to my place watch the skin die start it oh, this is fucking crazy Sign up for the big band or sit in the grandstand wait until they love me

In the navy Sell the fancy Hey I put on macho man now watch macho man at least this is fucking I don't have to worry about you Joey What's going on? I'm telling you dog Why do you know all these because I showed my daughter the fucking video when she asked me about the two men I didn't know what else to fucking do. I had to take about it for a few And this is all he can come up with

I ain't originally like fucking most white people and shit. I gotta think deep. I didn't know what to tell her And I was always scared of this shit Do they always wear like these like watch the song is badass watch the body body want to feel want to feel my body watch this And did you know that way back then listen we watch living Like a type of This is Okay, let me tell you what's going on. I I didn't know look at these two look at these three videos I showed her your wine because she swims at the wine

And she goes to ballet at the wine. So I want to know what's cracking lacking in the men's bathroom So she never walks in there I That's fucking crazy who's ready for another edible. No, so wait. Did you guys know they were gay back then? Like you know, you had to write I do it. I did I was fucking 13 14. Yeah, I fucking knew you had to know. Oh my god I was on your little young I stayed away from the YMCA like I didn't fuck with the YMCA at all But I'm vanity six real quick there remember this 1970 nasty girl. Yeah nasty girl. Oh shoot. Look at this

Let's see now. Look at the age. Oh, look at the young this one. Yeah, pimp. Uh, What's his name banged her turn prince banged her too. Look at the young this This is 81. So I was ready. So was I Look at this ocean I Six Boy she was amazing. Yeah, she was amazing. Look at her Oh

Let the white one up one shoe got cancelled Get the white one. You know, she does math and shit. Look at the white one I do is fuck She's fucking up the dance moves If you're scared take it out What The one in the pink one might see at least a first time as the party Oh my god. Oh my goodness. Now put it back on. We look at her. Oh shit. Look at the white one. See she fucked up

Ray. Look at it. Look at her. She does that There's no way she's in that van Straight up ugly like a mother You might as well put me back there But look at the little chinese one in the back That little chinese ho ho there. She's fucking on fire Look at the white one with those ballet stockings on. I hate that shit. It's like going to hooters That little one with the white on those are the ones you find at the

Houston those are the trafficking ones. They got those massage parlors You're going to have the bitches are crying that's sending postcards and shit They're sending postcards that never get delivered. Oh mama son That's what that's the biggest problem for for human trafficking of asian women is houston, texas They got thousands of those massage parlors outside in 832 How do they get the asian woman to texas like why is that? I think they're saying They fucking bring them in the ship. They beat them They give them a can of tuna between 18 of them and they fucking take the journey and they drop them off at garbaston

You ever see them land at garbaston? That's like fucking a war. Oh my god. They drop them Chinese people drowning and shit. It's a fucking nightmare. That's what that's my chinese people who's drowning garbaston people don't know that shit I'm dropping knowledge on you right now. Watch it. He probably isn't wrong. It that probably is like 18 asian unexplained asian drownings in the texas area next time you're high watch fucking that geo And watch human trafficking episode. They shoot it in fucking h town in houston motherfucking taxes And I know that's true But i'm trying to figure out why i'll be drowned chinese people go Yeah, even when they the floods this year they found my

Even now they found a bunch of people drowned in the floods now that's true. That's fucked up That's true But in garbaston they find chinese people that means they come up in the boat And they make them run and they fucking drown Then they find them in louisiana. How the fuck these chinese people get here? We got a 23 and me and now we gotta do like one of these Fucking One of these dna tests where these motherfuckers came from and shit But then that costs too much money. It's like just bury them. They don't give a fuck

This is a mass grave somewhere of of unnamed asian prostitutes I love it and you're doing that better now ali, but like for a minute You almost had a dean del Rey moment with the edible like during the beginning of the podcast He was like talking to himself with his hand over his head. No, I was going I was going over lines in my head And then I and then I realized when you touch me I realized like oh, I'm going over lines in my head He don't realize it. What lines are you going over over this man? I gotta remember this script, man And this is not going well, man. What script this this script. They sent me yesterday

So I gotta remember this thing your auditioning when oh tomorrow Okay, you got plenty of time So when how many pages do you have to read tonight in five five very fucking easy How many scenes in three in five pages five five scenes in five pages, correct? The first thing you're gonna do is you're gonna take the character and give them a fucking First middle name and the last name and even though the character breakdown says something You're gonna give that motherfucker your own breakdown because they're looking for him dressed up as alisa deek And then you're gonna take the five sides tomorrow morning when you wake up

Don't fuck with it tonight because you're just gonna waste your fucking time You ain't gonna retain nothing. So you're just wasting your time. You might as well watch fucking blackula or Something you know something should do one get out something. No, don't even look at it tonight It's wasted time you look at it in the morning and you look at it sober And you think about it and then you smoke and you give that motherfucker color When you smoke reefer while you're looking and i'm not playing with you And i'm listening this is how I booked a thousand fucking movies because I give that character a name a middle name And then you know because they only tell you this character's name is shifty

Shifty gotta have a life before that fucking day. How do you make it up? That's imagination. That's where that's where marlon brando was a fucking genius So when you go in a room, you know who the fuck you are the beauty of our marlon brando was he didn't know his lines Since we're talking about marlon brando. Let's give him the flip side of the coin Marlon brando never knew his lines. He didn't need to he knew the character Once you know the character the lines will come to you All he needs is a couple sets and he words boom boom boom. He'll remember that whole thing Because he doesn't need to know the lines if you know the motherfucking character

You know the motherfuckers thinking and you think about the moment before And the moment after that scene what that motherfuckers thinking and that shows in your eyes when you go into the audition And what that's what comes through the tapes and that's how I booked those big movies all the time I don't fuck around in those movies, but I got a system So do you like do like I don't know. I don't know what the I'm forgetting what the term is but when like daniel dayluis or anyone Stays That's just that's for white people. Okay, you might as well join Scientology. Look if you think you think ice cube does that You think queen latifah did that or ice tea or ice cube?

They came from a different place called hunger. That's what taught them how to act Because you learn how to act in the street how to make money as a child So that's the place you're coming from hunger and fucking pain These people who have to be character all day. That's great. That works for you But I'll smack in the fucking face when I talk to you. Look me in the eye, bitch You know what I am when you really hear about these movies with these high budget movies That these people parade themselves. I understand that dude that played batman That dude a friend of mine did a movie with him and he goes

Dog I didn't hear the accent till after the movie was shot at the premiere He goes I spent 13 weeks with that dude. He played american the whole time. Who played batman That's the best white dude out right now american hustle That white dude could act as asshole Christian bail. Yeah, Christian bail. That dude could act as asshole But that Daniel they lose bullshit that he tricks all these people from fucking belly hills with Blood little drain. I'll smack you dog. You weigh 180 pounds. Who you gonna do? We need the gangs in new york. I'll stab you two times in the fucking eyeball

You know they don't come at me with that shit, but there's people that just act They just make a big deal about it So you come out here and pay 300 a month and think they're doing some magic trick with you That's all this is as long as you know that motherfucking character those five pages will come to you, but you know what? That's not what you came here to talk about. You came in to talk about a fucking accomplishment that i'm very proud of you Because in a way it's like going home definitely Your special is coming on the 23rd. What's the name of it?

Ali sidi presents as big as the knees bars. Yeah, right. So give me the rundown from a to z What made you go back to a prison to shoot your special? Actually, um This one is in a in a jail with people who are in prison and they waiting To go to a half way out to a real prison And they they just come off a trial or they waiting a waiting trial And I went back in there because texas is real

Sensitive about how they're viewed in public. So, you know, you notice they're not on lock up or Anything they give me all these bullshit excuses about Why I couldn't come back into the actual prison you can put me in prison But I can't come back in and shoot the special to show the redemption of a prisoner And they um, they're excused what they didn't want me to say anything negative About the prison and my thing was, you know, when I asked I said, well, um, I'm gonna say the word Prison and you tell me all the positive words that come to your mind

Once I say the word prison And you know, it was this it was this thing with them, man that You know, so I didn't want that to stop me. So I changed up a lot of material and we went into this jail And then I shot it from an angle of You know, people being mentally locked up That ends them up being physically locked up and the difference between being in jail and being in prison

and Me coming from being in prison having to come through the jail system in order to get to prison How I walked the way backwards, you know through through all of that To come back and show them. Hey look Even if it's your first time ever here or it's your you've been here a lot of times You know, it can stop right here. You don't have to you don't have to keep this cycle Of coming back and forth to prison or putting yourself in this in this disposition Probably nobody knows when you and I about once you get in that system

You were gonna you were gonna you're in there every three years for something else They got you and the system Is prepared it's not it's not but it's it's failure It's failure. It's not their fault. It's not their fault. It's everybody's fault. It's not their fault But you and I both know how lucky we are that we got out of the system and stayed the fuck out of the system Yeah, that's a tough thing to do once you're in the system You can't shake it. You can't shake it. I couldn't shake it It started for me in 1983 and it went all the way to 1990 fucking six

97 knock on wood For 14 years. I was in a fucking system At one point I was always on fucking probation constantly Constantly, but you were still doing all the stuff you would do doing what I would have fuck I was doing remember even after I came out of prison I was still Tipping on the fucking scale with this divorce and the ex-wife and them taking the kid and

I was tipping on and I had two felonies and I went and smacked them With the second felony just because of my belief. I didn't care if I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna go to jail. Look, they dropped the charge because you can't say it were ethnics slurring to say limits are bolder So nothing ever happened. So I got my free one I took it as I got out of the system and I got the fuck out of there. I tried to make the best of my life I gave up a daughter Did I try and I paid my child support? I did everything I was supposed to do by the book But she didn't want me to be a father and now she don't want no contact

I live with that every day That was part of my punishment for being in the system and for being a fucking Dumb criminal, but I was in the system for 14 years. It started with a with a quarter ounce of weed in new york city probation And then I got picked up for possession of stolen tools probation Possession of stolen property probation and then I went to colorado And in colorado, I didn't get arrested then I went back to jersey And I kept getting arrested but nothing no charges pressed

I got arrested six times in new york city for possession of stolen ship But I always had it out And then I went to colorado and that's when it started. I started with a fucking going through a a school zone A 20 mile an hour school zone. I didn't see the light blinking. So it's 35 That's how it starts guys. It's constant You're listening to music. You got weed in you. You're looking around like an asshole. I didn't see the flashing light I started with that. I didn't go to court

Okay I blew off the fucking court case Guess what three months later. I'm driving with a car with stickers on the fucking window. I get pulled over They get me with the warrant and the fucking quarter ounce of weed in my sock Now i'm in the system now i'm doing a pro drug program That motherfucker ain't done but a fucking week And i'm back in the fucking county jail for kidnapping and aggravated fucking robbery and burglary and accessory to a felony You know, it didn't stop and then after I got out of that i'm bailed while I was out i'm bailed for that

I got arrested for shoplifting Thank god. I told my friend's name and then I went back and did probation under his name At the fucking hiv fucking house to a friend. It did not end Lee And then I got I came up to fucking Seattle And within six months I got arrested up there For assault and domestic fucking violence and then possession of a stolen car And then assault again and then no no no it never ended. How did you Come into the possession of a stolen car. I worked on a car dealership. They fucking the bank came on Thursday

I had the car out The bank didn't see the fucking car and they reported stolen they didn't they had me in a different car in a different demo I spent the weekend in jail for possession of a stolen car. The charges got dropped those two days I did was not for that. It was for some mouse karmically Karmically it was for something else. I had done So I spent from fucking Friday to fucking Monday morning in fucking county jail in Seattle And then they dropped the charges Monday afternoon. I was back out Tuesday Then I got arrested for an assault. Then I got arrested for parole violation

You got a lot you got a hell of a lot of chances I'm talking about why it didn't stop. It didn't fucking stop Once you're in the system And you're banging and I was banging lightly Like after I did the kidnapping time and I got out of that shit I was like, all right, I'll bang on the line Like I'll just bang on the line if you need coke. I'll sell you an ounce, but I ain't selling you too You know what I am? I am. There's a thousand things I ain't gonna fucking do

But there's a thousand things I had to do. I was getting into comedy. I was broke and that's all I knew So you stay in the system, bro And eventually the system gets worse for you now you start doing five-year stretches And eventually after your second or third five-year stretch, guess what bro? You got a 20-year stretch and by that time that goes your life you you spent your life in jail Well, I mean, I don't I don't I think this might have been too early for both of you guys, but they have Uh, corporate prisons don't they so like Isn't it beneficial to the state to keep you guys coming back at a certain point?

Yeah, it's a business privatized prisons. There we go. Prison is a business But let me let me be clear for Listeners who may not be familiar with the system when joy was doing time when he was doing all these bids This was a long time ago when you can do all of that and they gave you all those type of chances Now then you come up to my era of doing time where you had people You know, you come and you come in out the system maybe twice

And then they dropped the three they dropped the three strike law and made you habitual So if you they start compiling things like Some of some of your your say if you do some misdemeanors Three misdemeanors gives you A felony. No, it's like it's like monopoly where they like a house good hotel That's fucked up. So once you get two felonies, it's time to go So when you get two felonies, you got to move now and then say you catch Another felony that makes you a habitual criminal. So they start at 25 years

and so If you get that 25 years And with with everybody in the system knows call that bitch You get that he gave you that bitch Everything like man, what you getting man through that bitch at me that her bitch will and that's 25 And you got you got to sit on that and so now You cut past when I got out 97

You you come you come all the way up now It's 50% you get on a misdemeanor You get uh, um All these there's different all these different classes misdemeanor. They change the law. So if you get a felony Charge you doing more time on the felony now because you got to pull half of it You know and then if you get aggravated

It used to be half now you had to pull 85% so people sitting down there longer You know is what people not understanding So if you sit down there say if you go down I know how hard it was to go in at 19 come out at 25 You know Then just say if you go in at 19 and you come out at 33 You know what I'm saying and and then the thing the thing about that is as um as you in this system you have these

these um How can I explain this? You had these things that happened to you Unbeknownst to you like you don't even know That they happen and you just know what you're trying to avoid. You know, okay. I'm not trying to Have all this prison talk. I'm not trying to entertain certain conversations. I'm not trying to be uh the typical inmate type type so then

You get out But then in certain things that bother you still that you know it directly from this place like I couldn't And I still don't go in the restroom And use restroom without turn on the water What's that and I've been out 20 years. I still need to psychologically I still need to hear that noise Because in prison, it's no Private

Use the restroom Whether you in a sale somebody walk past your bars and talk to you whether you in a in a tank Somebody come in a tank and talk to whether you're in a dorm and there's a bunch of toilets next to you So it's be a toilet here and there's five other toilets then somebody come and sit down like three toilets down And they still a talk to you. I don't know, you know, like you like you not And so it's this you and then it's it's it's a dormitory Some people in the shower gambling somebody may be taking a shower Somebody may be washing their hands you just sitting there with a towel over you with one leg in your in your

In your pants one leg out ready to you know Reading the book or whatever and somebody come up and ask you a man. We're on the rec yard You're gonna you're gonna run next i'ma pick you how long you're gonna be You know, it's still a conversation. So you you accustomed to you become accustomed to noise and then like Like i'm not good with with Bounces like I don't like people think I don't i'm as i'm so anti-social. I don't go to clubs

I don't go to clubs where Bounces feel the need to shake me down. I don't I don't vibe with it. That's too much like Prison because you know in prison when you locked up everywhere you go They trying to shake you down from from place to place So i'm really not I really don't dig that at all. So I don't go a lot of places these these psychological wounds that you have, you know, I don't You know, I I think I got a problem with people thinking they can say

Anything to me like yo, man, I'm not I don't know how you think I'm built, but I'm not built like like you think man. I don't have no weight class like people people in society would be like, um You know a I'm gonna let you make it because you know you too small for me And I'd be like in my mind like but you're not too big for me though You don't understand where I come from and and it'll take two more you do to eat for me to even For me to even have a second thought about not beating y'all half to death It it'll take two more people standing next to you and i'm still gonna do it

You know because I'm I'm way more savage Than the the normal human being because of the place that I was in It's like yo, man, you think I'm I'm in a place where I'm gonna let somebody step on me and it's 3000 people watching 300 people watching you crazy You step to me you you just step to some problems You know I'm saying and in in the free society you be trying to explain to people like yo, man I'm not aggressive. I'm just trying to explain to you how to treat me

I'm gonna give a damn how you treat everybody else Don't talk to me a certain way don't handle me a certain way because I didn't let people handle me like that in prison So what you think you gonna do you don't even you you pose? Absolutely no threat to me Like absolutely. I don't care how much how many times you in the gym How many people in your crew that you run with you not really you not savage As it is because I explain to people this is how a person goes Simple enjoy you can attest to this. It's three types of people

In prison you have what you call wolves. They run in packs You have lions they stand by themselves and you have lambs who get devoured by packs by wolves and Lions now the problem is this now you got a wolf that gets separated from his pack He can become a lamb But a lion he's been rolling by himself the whole time So it doesn't matter which prison he go to and where he go and how many people he face He's still a lion and to take him down. You have to rip his mane off

In and cut his balls off cut both his paws off rip his eyes out and he's still gonna try to bite you Then you got to take his teeth out And he's still growling He's never going down without you got a man You know how much it takes to take down a lion by itself When you try to come take his his pride All right, come come over here. He didn't be what come over here and see what happened So for you better you better bring you better bring some hyenas

elephant orino and some more crazy that you said that because I was 25 when I went in And I gotta tell you something. I was a wolf But my success in prison was I aligned myself with the black lion

Who loved me until this day what I just say before what time it is I stole that from him I don't steal lines from people that I don't love like that like that like that. Well chicken hawk like a chicken hawk His name was Antoine Spence. I still think about him. You know, you were saying something dog about showers I Was in the in the line the barracks where the everybody in the kitchen worked And the lion was Antoine Spence a chicken hawk Dude is there I can see it by his face Dude is there dude is there, but we'll leave him alone. That's my brother. I'll take care of him. I'm in charge

I'm in charge of this one. I'll take him. We'll take him to eat and do anything. That's my brother. He ain't heavy. He's my brother But that was my luck Now here's the funny thing that there was a bunch of lambs and there was a bunch of fake wolves Like there was a biker wolf But he was a fake motherfucker because I knew that the the white wolf and he wasn't a kkk wolf See you still got the other white dude. That's a kkk wolf. Then you got the other dude. That's a biker wolf. Okay The biker wolf His posse was weak. I knew that from day one from looking at him

He clean he killed the guy in voluntary manslaughter and a bar the weapon the whole thing But I could tell he was living off reputation The kkk white dude, he didn't fuck around But the reason why he dug me was he did h He did h And I fed him I used to take care of him But he was no threat. They the kkk dudes in there weren't dick John

John Clark That was what white dude that you'd respect like he was one of those white dudes that you look at and go mother fuck It's just cool Like the nero and in a heat when he saw the black dude the black dude And they knew each other like they they were down like, you know, the white boy's solid though I don't give up on anybody said it's like when when John Gotti went to prison He teamed up with the brothers that was unheard of they were half of the beef Half the beef that they had with him

Was that John Gotti went to sing sing and joined bases with the brothers He didn't give a fuck about color. He came from hunger and those were his partners So he joined up with this black lion up in sing sing A lot of people don't know that about John Gotti. John Gotti was bad like that. He was just a cool white dude like Look at the way he dresses. Shit. Daffodon. So John Clark was that white dude John clock was that white dude like I still think of John clock. He was my brother in that But Antoine Spence and John clock were tight

They didn't play that black white shit. They were tight. They loved each other Then you had the one dude, you know They hate white people click everybody No, that's the one black click That's like a small click like the black and they got glasses And they always try to drop knowledge on you They always try to be the dude from that band That's dropping knowledge on you. What's the chuck? No, not not chuck be with the other guy

Chuck D. No, no, yeah. K. R. Is one K. R. Is one. They're all like that You know, you hanging out with the opposite brother, you know that type of shit. I'm hanging out with black people. You're still mad Jesus christ. So Jesus christ. Oh my I could see if I don't drop the black beat I work in the motherfucking kitchen and you still give me a hard time Yeah, cuz you're hanging out with those weird hunkers. What differences it makes? What differences it make? So can like who's harder to deal with

As for like a lame is the wolf or the lion like I imagine maybe the lion doesn't mess with people unless he's messed with I don't know. Like how does it work? The lion don't mess with nobody It's really weird. He the the lines I ran with didn't mess with nobody They kept it smooth nobody mess with them and they took a cut from time to time But not that, you know, people just knew Antoine. They knew he was first way he was in charge of the kitchen He was from New Orleans. He wasn't very intelligent, but when you spoke to him, he was cool and he was funny But I learned a lot in my stint and when I got locked up I learned a lot notice You too not I learned from under

I like God and mostly about people Yes, people what people are made of and what makes people tick and how to be diplomatic Yeah, that's it how to deal with people and It's the weirdest thing when you inside How much you learn from Old men old men take you on their wing and they give you that Understand the hey man look

you need everybody You need everybody in here So you got to understand The difference when you when you um when you are lying it's different ways to become a lion Wait a lot of different ways. Okay. Like can there be young lions? Oh, yeah I was a young lion very young lion and the problem is

This is how you become a lion when everybody takes interest in you and what he said, let me tell you the number one thing that brings people together With is what they call kitma um food pots and pans We anytime you can break bread with somebody You can bring them you can bring them together in prison. What do we do the most?

spread We ate together every We always ate together We it you don't you don't leave nobody hungry in prisons Give me a hand brother

I don't care what hand you give me last night I'm a 60 minute type of motherfucker On sundays, you know me since this is day one 60 minutes is my shit But last night I was not there at seven to control the tv So the girls janked my shit And they put on america's funniest videos and the first thing I was sitting there I went right back to 1987 the first weekend I was in prison

That's what white people watch like the real white dudes the ones that are there for duis and Shit like that. That's what the channel they all watching themselves I hooked up to the white dude that was in college the first weekend I was there But I couldn't watch america's funniest videos black people And mexicans they they're america's most wanted type motherfuckers on sunday That's our shit Don't be saying the motherfucking word because I might know one of these homies and shit They just want to watch and see who's doing that

Yeah, we're just doing it Just dumb motherfucking don't run like But you and it and it's always somebody like ain't you in here for the same thing? I ain't even do my shit like that though Yeah, I didn't do my My shit was clean dog. My white bitch hooked me up Just do a lot this white bitch fucked me up and it was funny because I hung out in the age unit And it was every color it didn't matter the age unit was every fucking color And there was one black dude. It was already losing patches ahead. He was in bad shape

But I used to make him laugh You know what I'm saying? I used to make him go back there and I'd say shit to him that I learned when I Came from Cuba. I bought black history. They used to make laughing shit and he would get up and I go You know what I did something good to that Even though I was in prison. I did something good. Let me tell you what else I did when I was locked up I used to fucking sell This dude used to make nachos. He was a fat Italian dude And he couldn't get through to the blacks and the max because I didn't like him

You know, he just he was a mafia dude But he was cool, but he was so introverted That he didn't know he would make the nachos people got so only a few people sold nachos from I made that motherfucker made me his partner I made him a millionaire and that motherfucker dog And then the gambling I made him a millionaire. He could only move one card on a monday night I had him moving three cards monday sunday saturday college football I had him betting hockey. I had white people betting hockey people don't know how

how big Gambling he is in prison. Oh my god, like the numbers is still I was killing him in there with football cards Killed him like I'm somehow do you understand you can become a In prison kingpin With running a good gambling game. It's like It's like west ended archie

Malcolm X type Numbers game. It's like the real it's like What dutch salts Numbers because the number the running the gamblers in mexicans Do it well too because they pots be big and be crazy and you just you just man It's insane. It's insane. What happens if you get transferred to another prison? What happens to your all your debts, man? You you you spread food around

You make sure you got stamps so you can read you can reload up But here's the other thing let's say i'm going to a place that ain't cool I'm tight with my brother. He's gonna contact him. He's gonna write him a lot of the first thing And so my dog is on his way when he gets there give him what you got You can send mail between prisoners. Yeah, yeah in those days. I don't know about now the way we do it now is you Say joy like will you he know he going? Are you going to um, I'm going to camp george west. I'm going to fucking right. Whatever. Yo, are you going? You're going to joe. Hey look you're gonna get there

It's going to be this cat his name asked for him and And if he's not there you ask the sentence that they don't sit You're going to have a name and people going to know Who saying what and sending because you because you you wouldn't be able to ask for this person Because you wouldn't know they was there you wouldn't just randomly know that they was there So we send it we send it on the word through

Through him so he ain't got it and then we send it where it was some other people Hey, you going with you going because you're not catching the chain by yourself You know you other people going to be on the chain. Yo, whatever y'all going you make sure you look out for money And you and we gonna look and we gonna make sure we check Because we know we know we know we going he already told us where he was going I I know there's like there's no question. I'd be a lamb, but I have a problem. I trust the wrong person Like I trust I trust everybody. How do you know who to trust in prison? Now your instincts better than that if you

But you there's a way you could become That you are a lamb But there's a way you become a useful lamb and people don't fuck with you. Exactly But that does it involve like but I don't want to be gay Okay, the library the librarian right the librarian in my prison. Oh, yeah, I could do that. He'd a writ writer He'd a grievance writer. He's the grievance writer. Yep. So guess what you make yourself valid You're Jewish. Oh, okay. You figure out how to make money for the work in the front office Ain't no when you figure out how to make money for people ain't nobody

You let me tell you nobody touches you money is everything. Here we go. Here we go This is you work in the front office, right? This is your this is what this is what you have access to And I am an SSI And I have access to the hallway which have access to you Joey just got a case He got a case the officer writes it up. It's going to the front office. How you gonna figure out How joy gonna figure out how to get to you to tell you to get that paper He gonna talk to me

Hey, joy gonna say boom boom boom. I'm coming down the hallway. I'm gonna say yo my man My man, joey got a case x1z. We got three cans of soup two bags of coffee We got a little situation. We got to get that paperwork. Then all of a sudden this paperwork ends up under my broom and then I say hey join boom That's that show. I'm not even hey. I'm not telling you that I got rid of it I'm handing him his case. He can tear the case up They don't they don't never know where the case came from because prisoners run the prison Unbeknownst to everybody if prison if prisoners ever just decided hey, man

Today is that day What they gonna do It's it's What is it's it's not even possible You can't stop it even now with all the cameras. You could still do stuff like that man You can do whatever you want. You see what happened rikers. I don't know what fucking guards in the house Like they fracture the spine with a punch that has some gang members to have the camera and just get the fucking shot Well, they have they're getting cell phones now and like some I see some in people like instagram accounts

Like they're all like We're posting posting pictures of his stuff in his cell. Y'all see what they do videos Like man, I don't give a damn what you're doing locked up I wish you would post a picture you like locked up. That'd be the first time you see some thumbs down On your damn thing. See what I don't like the first people who came to me with the two biker dudes They both came to me with the story that they were from new york and shit and we got you here hang out with me But but but but pa I didn't trust them at first. I don't trust nobody just like what you said. I don't just know but I talked to you

Yeah, whatever right right right And then when I got a job in the kitchen The black dude Antoine Spencer pulled me inside and said Stay away from those dudes. They're fucking junkies. They got the kiss of death on them One minute they're your friends the next minute they're going for your money. How old was he? How old was who Antoine fish? When I was 25 Antoine had to be 48 Gold tooth

Fucked up natural exactly but an old man the old the dude was the dude who dropped knowledge the barber He cut your hair with a straight razor Malik Oh my god, that's my Malik. That's my Malik straight razor the cone I learned a lot of lessons from that dude because him and whatever he was aligning his own way He wasn't involved in nothing, but he was aligned nobody dared to touch him Nobody dared to touch him. So the dude the librarian was a geek, but he had murdered somebody So people knew not to fuck with him, but he was still a geek. Yeah, those got the biker dudes

There was two trap. There was two dudes that were Piranha, there was three groups that were really piranha and on people the mexicans The kkk and the biker white dudes Once the biker white dudes and I started once I aligned myself with the kitchen Which is basically John Clark And some cool black dudes that wasn't involved in nothing I was cool once I was in the kitchen. I was cool. I had it down I knew when the good food came in. I knew what was shitty. I knew what the time of my brothers

I knew who wanted extra red beans and you know who wanted a piece of cornbread and you follow me you start learning So you make yourself useful that's the main thing you never had to ask for protection. You never it's never uh We somebody trying to take your manhood. It's it's simply You are you a friend And if somebody dare put their hand on you people know You got something to deal with and it's not just

You it's another it's it's a lot. I think man In prison people understand like whatever your viewpoint is about black people Brown people whatever you whatever you want to cause If you in Diastrates, this is this is my thing Have you you ever walked down Through a black neighborhood We just look at you

We're not attacking you. We just look at you like Must be crazy. What are you doing over there? My my ex-girlfriend lived in Englewood where they filmed training day. So Like there were groups of guys who would sit out They blew my mind the first time I saw they were just sitting on turned over uh Shopping carts and just hanging out and they were just the drug dealers like and apparently like they were well known They would help her elderly mother with groceries. They were they were nice. They didn't mess with anybody, but they were always there Mm-hmm

I never felt unsafe. Uh, I wouldn't really go that late at night though to be honest, but Fucking in the middle of the day. It wasn't scary But you still went over. Oh, yeah Because something happened to you in the middle of the days, you know, we I'm anything we did in the middle of the day, George I was my working hours in the middle of 24 hours. I didn't give a fuck Crime is crime You want me to tell you something molly? If I tell you I'm gonna tell you guys one of my most embarrassing stories ever grown up

This and it doesn't involve molestation like this Let me tell you how crazy I was when I was eight years old from the age of eight to 11 I got shaken down on the way into the house and on the way out of the house For what everything That's how crazy I was my mother caught me with a knife when I was eight on a sunday That wasn't everything changed me. That's when I went there. Maybe seven. She caught me with a james bond knife That the put in bond 1970 knives See if they got them just to show you what I had that in my pocket when I was seven years old

This is just to show you the frame of mind I got because I lived on 88 street with white people But on the weekends I go to 148 with my santeria godmother And I would run with these crazy fucking there was every addnicticity, you know, except fucking white And these guys hustled for a living they did everything So I got caught with one of these knives and my mother had it the one on the way at the end the red See that red one there that thing in the red thing That's an old bond knife When I was seven I had one of those

There you go, new york history. There you go, mother fuckers. Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with? No, let me tell you 1970s new york city punk rock scene I got kicked out seven years old people. That's what I carried on me I want you to look at that when I was seven so my mother caught me on the sunday with that And that was the end of that not to mention I had the knife I had $50 cash You know, I had comic books. She's like, what the fuck are you doing? Where the fuck are you getting this fucking money from when I go to fucking bar?

Every time I go to the bar. So she told all her friends this I was I was put on shakedown Which they told all my friends not to give them I would they were not allowed to give me money. Some of them listened to Some of them would still give me a 20 on the side when she wasn't watching So I would take the money I would make and go up to 148th on the weekends and go crazy And I went into a store and bought that knife. They sold me that knife in a fucking store When I was seven years old, how much do you think it cost? It was 10 bucks to seven bucks. I don't whatever the fucking cost It didn't matter

So after that when I would leave for school in the mornings, I would get shaken down and let me tell you something That didn't stop me I used to have to roll up my pants. You know how you roll up your pants. I used to hide the money in there. They caught me I did everything they caught me every time then I started hiding shit outside the house I didn't get trusted till I was probably 13 and even then they knew I was hell on wheels at what point This is what my special is about trying to get Those that was in inside at one point

Do you say to yourself enough is enough because I Like my cousin my cousin is one of these people who He pulls up on the on the The life board of all the trouble that you can get yourself into He pulls up everything And he doesn't he doesn't pick He doesn't pick one thing He picks several things. I pick drug dealers. I say, well, I sell drugs. That's mine. That's gonna be my bad thing that I'm gonna do

But like you You said kidnapping what else? aggravated robbery Secondly burglary burglary Accessory to a felony accessory to a felony But over the years over the years over the years. I was just a punk ass thief And the so that's what my specialty was for real, but I knew how to sell drugs. You looked on the board and said I'm gonna pick six things that I'm gonna do

My cousin picked like eight like he do everything like he um And then he get busted with some shit that I I didn't even know even existed They don't they don't you know when you get charged, um With Pimping over state lines They don't charge you with pimping. They charge you with what they call white slavery It's it's because he had two white girls and he was pimping and it's of a get charged with white slavery

I said what type of 1740 law are you a Wait, what's this in Texas? Okay, so where were the white girls from they was from here Because it was white women and he got charged with taking them to mississippi Oh So who charges you with that mississippi in california mississippi charged you with that don't bring white women here white slave Put on tony baddard. I gotta think of this for a second. This is crazy I've heard that's never been on law and order. That's why they gotta make a law and order about that motherfucker

You can't be just like just like what do they charge you with if you if you get caught bringing Chinese women through gallistan they charge So This song came out next monday this song is 50 fuck out five years old 55 came out on my birthday A couple days before your special february 23rd motherfuckers You're excited about that. I am excited. I saw the trailer You got the trailer on nanley. Yeah, I can get let me give some shout outs While you get the trailer going the trailer is fucking spectacular when your agent called me who I think the world of

I was like, are you fucking kidding me? Then he sent me the trailer and I'm like, oh my god fucking beautiful How about uh crystal oats? My main man happy birthday to you dicky sciat lauren rozenker brian madrore george wad danny deans Jose gamma josh and jerseys Copey jensen cody jens jankins and ryan schwarz. He always got him with a jew. You don't want no problems with the jews If you get a minute, I want you to go to uh youtube

And pull it inside lisa deacon's bigger than these bars and watch the trailer Listen 20 years ago. He was doing time guys Okay, he could have been caught in the sea. He could have been a thousand different places now. He knows it He knows it. That's why when he gets off a plane He rubs his feet twice in the plane land He does he does every voodoo shit. There is just like uncle joey. It's in our blood Because we know how lucky we could have been we could have been in that hole Making those videos on lock up with no teeth and shit

Yeah Good You Most people don't know that I was incarcerated for six years. That's why I came back to do my special here Thank y'all for being here. Now. It's not like y'all had a choice I played the over 40 basketball league shot the ball hit the jumper back when I You know, when you go out a gym on a stretcher, you know, you can never go back to the gym again Not a lot of cushion. I feel every crook every cranny

The officer says I'm gonna see about you seeing a jug But right now we need to put you in this hole to say I am advanced for somebody who got busted the first time with five kilos of coke Now you got me here on the goddamn half of blood. I'm a chain of me and you You know what man Comedy Central didn't go in this time. They really did my brother. They really did. I'm very proud of you from the fucking heart Because people understand how it is to get out of that fucking system for christ sakes And you guys know that on the church page on facebook you guys going in you tell me your stories and

You're gonna do time or you're hooked on these fucking pills or whatever the fuck You're gonna pick your past this one day. You're gonna get past this bro If I leave I pass his ghost and I got past mine. You'll get past yours. I promise you But it's not it's just not gonna happen You got to work on a little bit. You got to show up on this fucking thing to make it better, bro You gotta show up I want to hear about your racist shit and all your other shit that's bullshit When you're on a mission, you're on a mission. They don't care what color you are

When you're on a mission, you're on a mission. So please don't insult my fucking intelligence I look like a fucking gorilla. I'm 100 pounds overweight You know I'm saying stop stop It's time to fucking go for it. It's february 2018 People go to prison all the fucking time you want to sit in that motherfucker sit in that motherfucker But there's another side to this You know, they put you on this planet to go on a fucking do something good, you know, like to do something fucking good You know how shitty I felt for years being in that fucking system

being shaken down by my mother When I was a kid I used to have to put my hands up Like a fucking animal You fucking kidding me or what? Alisa dink in this motherfucker. Did you have like a metal detector? Look at homie homie's down down, but not out He's not pulling the sara tiana. He didn't know in bad old Benjamin got up and walked out of here. You know what I'm saying? Homie's just sitting there. Look at him like Marvin Gaye in 71. I'm gonna fuck that I don't give a fuck. I'm living in Belgium. That's where he lives. See he went to belgium for a reason

That's that's kind of fishy, isn't it? No, he went to do drugs. He was a junkie. Oh, okay He got pissed off. He went to Motown. He wanted the same freedom that stevie won that on his albums to create He didn't want to do no fucking do-op shoot with that chick no more. What was the girl's name? Marvin Gaye and No, you know what i'm talking about He didn't want to do that no more. So he wanted the same freedom as fucking stevie won that Tammy terrell Tammy terrell So he went and he fucking naturally put on this and did you ever see a video of him on the couch? Yeah, him singing laying down and shit like fucking nothing. We played it last time. I was yeah, okay

I love him. That's why I play it again because I can see it again No, because i'm gonna think about fucking these stories. Do you know I called you and i'm gonna get up and stab a mother Fuck in the middle of the night. I don't want to hear this shit that he was gay. I have like do you know I called you in modus pass Yes, I think you did. Yeah We spoke. Yeah, we spoke man. Yeah, I don't know why you the first person I thought about when most when modus passed and I was I was with him like the week the week before And I thought about you and nothing I thought I thought about when I was in minnesota because they love you minnesota too

Yeah, yeah, the church comes out of minnesota, dog All the church comes out at the house in minnesota. They're fucking good people one of these days We're gonna i'm gonna get you in in houston for 420 man for this year. I've been columbus They already got Man, I would do something in houston. I like going to houston, man And I got to take lee for a few days lee got to go to houston. I take him to austin I've been promising in houston for a couple fucking years. I feel bad. He says i'm not gonna come home He's not gonna come home. That's what i'm scared of. I lose him. I keep hearing you talk about you doing this weight loss weight loss thing

Yeah, i'm down to 291. No way. I started to 309 december 9th And I weighed in to that tonight. I'm that 299 was fucking with you for like months. Yeah It was holding on and then she told me she told me I went in then I lost a pound and I go I was heartbroken. She goes you flew two weeks in a row. So you retain water when you fly And so you want you are you want me? I promise you something I promise you something you and the flying ju together Don't have to work out or nothing. You want me to you want me to boost it and get you and get you down About 12 pounds without doing nothing absolutely and just and just call me if it worked for you

Just call me and just say You did it. Can I do it like 10 times? Huh? Yeah, i'm gonna just i'm gonna tell you something i'm gonna tell you something real quick. Just to do it's a it's It's a herbal laxative. Ooh Listen to me. Listen to me. I'm in for it herbal laxative Call I gotta meet tushy. I'm good swiss chris Get your bottle swiss chris. Listen to me follow these directions very very carefully

Only take it at night Before you get ready to go to bed Just take it at night Start off with four just take four pills at night before you go to bed Then do that for one week. Okay, then the second week break it down to two pills Every night before you go to bed Don't You don't have to do nothing just do that right and call me in two weeks

So Four pills every night before you go to bed for how long a week a week and then after that what is it two pills Two pills. Am I gonna shit the bed? Nope, you just wake up in the morning and go to town. All that old stuff comes out. Yeah Well, you're gonna lose a hundred pounds. That's all you know, and it's gonna and it's gonna be It's gonna be the bad meat all the bad toxins And that you don't need and all the bad gases that you don't need And I'll I'm I'm telling you I don't know if my house is a shirt for this. No, I'm swiss chris

Swiss chris. I'm gonna look it up right now. Yep Get two bottles, man Oh, I know I believe it too watch watch and say and I'm and I'm and I'm telling you Pull up any old pictures Old videos of me and see how heavy I was And then I did the chris. How are you like kidneys? This is okay. Like you're gonna shit everything out Is my blood pressure go up or shit like that? It's on amazon. It's and

It's in it's in wall greens and it definitely wall greens Yeah, right there To eleven dollars. I'm gonna lose 12 pounds. No, no, why eight dollars? Watch this eight dollars right there. No, let me tell you what's funny when I first started using it You know how much this bottle costs how much four dollars So people actually found out about in the end of in the big bottle the big bottle was eight dollars You look at it now. It's like 11 dollars night. Um, 15 dollars 13 dollars in some places people found out about this And then it doubled

Because that that shit actually works without you without No type of side effects nothing you not tripping You just really releasing all the stuff that you actually don't need And then your body just energizes itself out of nowhere What if I come in like 40 pounds lighter next week? That's crazy You eat 200 It was crazy that make you burp anything any side effects to have a burp fart

You once you once you take it It just works on you at night while you sleep. You don't have to do nothing Then when you get up in the morning, it flushes you then you do that same thing every every night It flushes and it starts to flush all those it pushes all those old meals And so then every time you eat you will see that you start going to the restroom So now your body starts to go back into the actual cycle that it was when you was a child Which when you was your healthiest one meal in One meal out you not keeping you not keeping nothing

You're not keeping nothing sitting in your stomach writing causing all these gases and all the rest You flushing everything out and then you will notice You you this is where you you're driving around trying to find somewhere to park close Your body is so energized Wherever you see a parking space You would just park And you would just walk And you would naturally start doing them before you know it your pants don't fit

And you like How often can I do this cleanse can I just do it for a month straight cut juice like what's yeah just swiss chris all night? Oh my god And you can't there you go people there you go you learn something new on the church every fucking time you learn about prison You learned about swiss chris I'm gonna give it a try because I believe it in this too. I believe in this type of stuff and I and I did it And I got 32 pounds off myself. Oh my god. And how long? It I was it was like maybe three months and I was I was

I've been one I've been fluctuating me in between 143 and 150 for least four or five years now how often do you do it swiss chris and run and When I every every time I feel like I I've eaten bad, which I don't really eat bad anymore I do a chris swiss thing and then I start doing it with um with other people when I turn them on to say

I know I'm doing I'm doing it with you. So, you know, hey, I'm And then I get two thing and and then I stop Because it it just flushes you man. Oh, I can think about a swiss miss right now It's something chocolate with marshmallows You ain't got extra marshmallows and dope it up. Oh, you got it because those stupid small marshmallows are terrible And still had it you want it had I could drink it. That's what I was thinking. I'll drink swiss chris with swiss miss, but Hey, man, I'm just uh, I'm really proud of you. Thank you. I'm really proud of your journey. I'm happy you got on So I know you you but you you're back in the valley tomorrow, right? You'll be with Bert tomorrow morning

I'm back. I had my birds afterwards. Say hello. Howl at you guys. You're not gonna have on the shirt. I know you're not That's all right. Just He has a nice family, but you've done his podcast before. Yeah. Yeah, it's cool. It's cool. Yeah, I love don't we all got your back Tweet it out and we'll tweet it, you know, we'll live watch it one day. I'm a I'm a Complete the I'm a complete the the trifecta. I'ma get all of y'all, you know, you Ari Bert, and I'm finally trying to crack Joe Rogan if I get all if I get all y'all I have a comp I have actually come out three out of four Oh, no, no, no

I've been on your podcast twice. I've been on Bert's twice. I've been on Ari's twice I've never been on Joe. I will try to get you on and that that'd be like I'll be like this. I got the full horse, man I got the full I got the full That's all people say you need to do Joe. I'm like I've been on all the rest of them. I'm satisfied. I didn't know I didn't know I thought you did Joe's when you were Here for one of the tapings already got you on there. I didn't know I've never I've never done Joe's Because I would always try to get you on and do something man. Any dates you got coming up? um, man, I'm in dc

um The 15th through the 18th And that's the impromptu at the dc impromptu. That's a good little club, man That ceiling is low in there. Yeah, man. It's small. It's perfect They got good food in the fucking neighborhood. It's a nice low place. They got legal bud. Yeah And I'm I'm happy to be there. It's my first time coming there by myself. I've been there with dl I've been there with bill but it's the first time people get a chance to see that, you know, I'm I'm not just a A comic I'm more of a storyteller and my show is more like

Theater it's like a play and you know, I'm I'm I'm going places, you know And I don't want people to be trapped in the one Whatever they think comedy is, you know, everybody's show is different. Your show is different from my show My show is different from dl show. Your show is different from already show. Everybody has their own show. So don't don't Box me into what you already have some notion because some people will be upset that I don't do Prison stories and some people will be upset that why he not running around. I'm like, that's not that's not who I am You know, I'm I'm who I am. It's just like with my special, you know I'm I'm being the same person you if you see the trailer you see I'm sitting down

So don't be surprised when I walk out sitting down if you you if you saw my half hour I sat down on my half hour. That's that's who I am Sometimes I walk out and sit down people like, are you okay? I'm like, no, I'm fine. Are you okay? Obviously, you've never seen me before when she was walking past and decided to walk in here, you know Because I'm this is this is actually why I'm you sitting down the people are very arrogant at comedy clubs very arrogant and My show is my show is my show and I want people to come enjoy what I do And not expect me to do what somebody else does you got a web page?

They go out and get dates and whatnot after your special. I'm sure you're you want to talk people want to see, you know, they want to touch you um Most of my dates on my instagram. Ali sadeek. My website is ali sadeek. Um, ali s i d d i q and um ali underscore speaks is my twitter Facebook is ali sadeek um, so, you know, you want to See why I'm mad. I post everything up. You know, I'm in Philly. Then I'm back in houston. Then I'm in um At the yeah, I mean

DC first did I'm in Philly and I'm very excited about coming to the punchline in march, man And that's a That's a place that I've always wanted to play any punchline because one even though they say whatever he did I because richard pry was Big and punched lines and I still want to do it man. That's big to me And I'm just happy that you're moving forward and uh, you're still beautiful And you got to stop by that's it. I'm happy for you man. Congratulations again comedy central Man february 23rd ali

In the fucking house friday friday friday friday friday friday friday So, uh, this friday no the week the week of the week after president's day after my birth I remind you motherfucker, don't worry about nothing. Man, you know I have a billboard on Sunset Las Vegas. Do you really? Dead serious. They put a huge billboard up on the Sunset. How many pictures did you take of it?

Man, we took so many pictures every day. It's all on my Instagram, me running up the street when I first saw it. It's crazy, man. I got a bill. And then I'm going to New York and I'm gonna do the opposition and this is the mayor on vice.

And they have two billboards up in Times Square. So I'm excited just to go and see it, man. That's what I'm talking about, baby boy. Congratulations. Thank you, brother. Again, if he comes to your neighborhood, give him some love. Don't forget to watch the special February 23rd. And I remind you, I want to thank Alisa Deek

for coming back on the show. Don't forget the special February 23rd on Comedy Central. But now, for a word from our sponsor, Blue Apron is the leading meal kit delivery service in the U.S. And while many people know what we do, many don't know about the types of meals you eat when you cook with Blue Apron.

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I haven't figured out yet, but I'm giving up something. And they ain't gonna be at it, it was like last year, that was a mistake. I'll never give up, but it was like, God, I gotta deal with this remote over here. Anyway, I love you, Cox Suckers, see you Wednesday. Alabama, I'm coming home to you. 10th Planet Decades coming down.

Go to fuckingstanduplive.com right now, go to Alabama. We're going to Huntsville. Uncle Joey's coming to Huntsville, that's it. It's a, we're fucking, it's all over. Bring the reefer and the fucking shotguns, all right? I'll see you, Cox Suckers Wednesday, stay black. I love you. Aww, yeah, yeah yeah.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh achieve And I want to drive away from the right I want you to listen But I want you to want me, to want me too Want you to, I want you to do right here Just like I want you Now, now, now, give me all the love

I want, let me turn, sweet dog What happened, love, is all I have for you Ooh, it's true, baby It's just to say You don't let me know But I, I'm gonna change your mind So, so I'm, oh baby I want you, that way

I want you, but I want you to want me too I want you, I want you to do right there Just like I want you I want you, I want you to want me too What happened, love, is just the fantasy Of sugar, to cherish precious human land Don't play with something You should cherish for life, oh baby

Don't you want to care Maybe for me, oh baby I want you, I want you to do right there I want you, but I want you to want me too I want, I want to get more and more When I get down with you Yeah, oh oh Get down with me

Ooh, you're a helplessness Listen, precious, I want you For a lifetime, I want you I want you, I want you to come back I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you baby, I want you