Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #562 - Theo Von

Episode Date: February 27, 2018

Theo Von, Comedian and host of the "This Past Weekend" and "Allegedly" podcasts, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio! This podcast is brought to you by: ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.    Recorded live on 02/26/2018.
  

My favorite time growing up was when the power would go out and we would all get around together you know I'm saying when they're all in the power would be out of at the house. That's what Bill's family's brother. Welcome to podcast Bill. The church of what's happening now is brought to you by Zip Recruiter. Hiring every business needs great people and the better way to find them something better than posting your job online and just praying for the right people to see it. Zip Recruiter knew there was a smarter way so they built the platform that finds the right candidates for you and Zip Recruiter doesn't stop there

they even spotlight the strongest applications you receive so you never miss a great match. Businesses of all sizes trust Zip Recruiter for their hiring needs. Right now the church family can try Zip Recruiter for free. Free free gratis. Just go to ZipRecruiter.com slash church C-H-U-R-C-H that's ZipRecruiter.com slash church. Zip Recruiter the smartest way to hire and to my family Aubrey and on it the best supplements out there. I came back yesterday I was jacked up to the fucking gills from the flight and high altitude. I took some new mood and an alpha brain and I fucking took a nap I woke up tip top my goo. I went over to

Chinese people and I got a little massage a $45 massage. I gave Johnny Wu a $20 tip he rubbed that fucking Maluch fucking acid I had in my muscles out and I went home and I relaxed like a fucking savage. You know why? Because new mood and honor made it happen. Go to honor.com right now and get 10% off of supplements and tell them Uncle Joey sent you. I'm gonna check out press in church. Bam! C-H-U-R-C-H and get 10% off your order delivered right to your house. Kick this motherfucking mule, Leigh. Oh shit. It's Monday the 26th of February.

2018's it don't matter what time it is. It's your day to sling dick motherfucker. What? Sling a ling baby. Oh shit. This is early molestation days right here. This is when he started. He would just like tickle your nuts and shit like that. Dude I'd fuck this kid bro. He sounds beautiful. Shit. What a better way to start a week than when fucking Theo Vaughn in the house

ladies and gentlemen. What do you think about that? Happy to be here on the church man. Great to see you man. Great to see you man. Great things always and you're riding your way up, up, up. Following your footsteps man. Not my footsteps. It's just what happens when you work on. You leaving these giant tracks out there man. It's just a result of fucking sticking with it you know. I went to Denver this week. Yeah. And last Wednesday we were leaving Thursday morning and I didn't know about what I was gonna walk in myself into you know. I didn't have the board leave Wednesday afternoon and I went to my daughter's ballet class and

while I was sitting there I had like a nervous breakdown. I had to get water from my wife. My wife didn't know. I didn't tell nobody you know. I was going home. I went home back to Colorado to where I got on stage for the first time. Wow. That club was the first time. I got on stage for the first time at the Denver Comedy Works and that night I got like the full aptitude of what and I had to leave the house. I even went into the spot with Leo at the fourth wall just to rant you know for five minutes just because I just I was about to have a nervous fucking break. I was going home. Wow. This is the place where I started

like people don't understand when you start in your home club you're never gonna get loved there because they always remember you as you work. Yeah. So that people always have beefs with their home club. Oh that's interesting. Like if you start in Dallas in the Dallas Empire as you progress they won't hire you. They'll hire you as a feature and then they always remember you that way. So it's kind of weird to climb up a chain and I was on my way on the chain at the Comedy Works. Yeah. I was doing guest spots like ten minute guest spots. Yeah. And there was this dude that worked at Tim O'Shea and me and him were tight

like me and you. We were open micers together like what are you doing Thursday night? I'm going to the Rusty now. I'll see you there. Me and Jeff Sarge and Jimmy Abeta. You know I was like ten open micers and you become friends with them. Yeah. Him and I used to drive together to these gigs and one night I'm at the Comedy Works. We did like an open mic. We're hanging out and I'm walking up to stairs like it used to be a little deeper then. She ran down when she saw me. She was one of those girls. She said Theo you know when they jump on you. And when she jumped I grabbed her and I grabbed her ass and she landed right there but I didn't

grab it maliciously. That's just a natural grab. That's a natural grab. Yeah. He saw it and he went to her and tried to convince her to go to manager and say that I sexually harassed her so they banned me from this club for twenty years. No. She never said nothing bad about me Wendy. She just banned me. She just banned me. It was between me and her. Yeah. And she goes I can't have you here because the attorneys and stuff are going to get involved. It shattered me but at the same time it made me leave. It was the final straw in that I have to leave campaign in my life. Like things ain't getting better here. Right. They just

get worse every day and if they cut my legs out with Comedy Works the other two clubs sucked. Right. You were done. So I was done. Because you but yeah you got to have something to prop you up. There were C-Clubs. Yeah. The three remaining clubs or C-Clubs. Yeah. And they were going to feature me too. And what are you going to do? You're going to get two fifty a week for the rest of your life and stay in Denver. You'd have been stuck. You would have been stuck. So I made the move because of Wendy. When I bumped into one of those tours the Dave Chappelle tours you know in the summertime she asked me if I was mad. I said no we made

up. I told her she saved my life. I would have been in prison if she didn't ban me. And I'm back there headlining. And it was just we had six sold out shows in my backyard where I first fucking started. Where'd you start? What was the first stage you got on? Dude you know I think I started actually down in Louisiana but only just briefly. Is there a comedy scene in Louisiana? There's nothing Brian. There's a lot of people a lot of guys down there they're just haters really when you get out of there. There's a lot of angry dudes there. Now okay what's the closest city to you? Baton Rouge? Yeah Baton Rouge. Baton Rouge

used to have a funny bone. That funny bone. Did you work it? Oh yeah I worked that club. Okay yeah. When the girl was the manager. Uh-uh when the guy this guy named Tommy he was a DJ as well and he was the manager and you could get over there and it was like the first place I ever featured for. I featured for John Reap and it was awesome. How long did it take you to start featuring there? Pretty quick man. I was featuring at like three years in. I was featuring just because I had like a out of the out of the gate I had a pretty good you know 15 minutes you could stretch it at a bar you know drop some F-bombs call somebody fat

next thing you know you're at 20 minutes you know. So like I was stretching it pretty good down there and and then yeah I don't even remember and then after a while just you know just stuck with me but I can imagine dude I can really imagine that feeling of going home and feeling some appreciation because sometimes it's like you get out there you're the crab that got out of the pot for some people you know. Well then that's the other side the other side of that was that that's also the place I went to prison. Yeah. That's also a place where my daughter was born that's also a place where I have an ex-wife. It's just

a lot of mixture all going in and then I get there and I'm asking about the mix that I came up with you know and one of them is around they all got out of the business they all did this and that gave me a different feeling it gave me like a little I don't know I'm kind of feeling like guilty in a way that I stuck with it like I felt guilty that I stuck with it instead of quitting and coming out here it was just a weird feeling. Why did you feel like oh they're going to look at me like I think I'm special because I was because I'm still doing it that's what I would think a little bit. I know it was just weird that listen man

I stuck with Konami because I had no knowledge I mean this is it. Yeah. I wasn't gonna go back to I was gonna go back to slinging drugs and robbing people. Yeah. There was no other job I was not equipped to have a day job anymore. Oh yeah. There was one point where I just was not going to have a day job I never wanted a fucking job I never wanted a fucking day job. Dude I don't picture you having that I picture you doing comedy or fucking stabbing somebody honestly. No it's just I swear to God like I didn't yeah I tried everything I cook you name it brick layer electrician carpenter I was a fucking bar back you know I don't know

how many bartending jobs I had I don't know how many factory fucking jobs I had I can't even imagine how many warehouse jobs I had pulling like fucking those things and stocking shelves yeah I can't even tell you you know if that's what I wanted to do I would have stuck with it I can't tell you how many driving jobs I had at a hardware store I can't begin to fucking tell you guys and each a column man that this was it no this was you after a certain point yeah it just it really does you just like I had no other options I was 30 I was 28 years old well I had a felony well who's gonna fucking hire me in the stock market or

to be a lawyer you know I'm in the fucking stock market I was done I was done that was it that was it yeah so I figured that least case scenario you could be a road comic and make six to seven eight hundred hours a week live in your car and live like Charles Bronson yeah four nights a week have a hotel three nights a week sleep in your car and learn how to camp I mean I'm dead serious about this yeah this is how the shuttle I was inside at that time with the world I just wanted to drive in a car that's it I just wanted to be alone for a couple years in a fucking car guess what that's exactly what I did yeah I

was in a car for five fucking years in a car some nights I slept in a car some nights in a hotel some nights in people's couches damn and do I regret it at all fuck no fuck no it prepares you for the rejection it makes this shit seem like nothing right you know I'm saying yeah it makes you start to own like whatever like you no matter what you put me through or say to me I've created enough shit in my own life that you don't even know about you know I got arrested at six o'clock for assault and the show started at nine and I bailed out at five to nine in Idaho I still got a horn up in Idaho you know I mean I

went through the fucking mill as a road comic I was doing CW Kendall work David Trimble work you know everybody who had one nighters I did them I took this Doug Stanhope format you know the piss all triple that's all Stan who did Stan hope wasn't busting his ass in New York bringing five people to a fucking show yeah Stan home started in Vegas he got evening at the improv as a feature act and he was unstoppable after that you know why he got a Buick he put a fucking stick in the back I mean I didn't I didn't invent this I just mimic somebody else yeah I just mimic somebody else when I saw him in 96 I'd never seen anything

like that Wow I met him in 91 as a feature act then he came back to the Boulder Comedy Club and I was the house emcee and now he was a headliner because he had done a spot at evening evening at the improv and it was different I don't you know I don't he was a headliner now right and then I didn't see him again from 92 I didn't see him again but there were there were bickering about this fucking kid that's ripping up fucking rooms hmm I mean there was a monk's Chittichad like and they kept saying his name is Doug Stan I'm like I know that motherfucker he slept at my house one night wow he was so cool I was

the house emcee at the Boulder Broker and it was part of a triple one you know David Tribble yeah he's a book in the Pacific Northwest yeah so he used to book Tuesdays was the broker Wednesdays you head off that sucks for a comic that's when then you spend all your money you made on Tuesday yeah that sucks for a comic you only get one you only get for those night in that time he was giving you 125 a night and he paid you 50 up front and 75 in a check so you picked up $50 cash that's it so you had to either figure it out if the headliner was cool I had a condo hmm I let him stay there there was a couple

guys I let stay there that was just cool they left him on and Doug Stanhope was one of those guys so what was he like do you remember kind of what he was like or what at that time I I knew he was funny he was young he reminded me he was just young yeah kid yeah he was just a wise-ass kid when I first saw him I was 29 yeah maybe 29 because this is yeah this is 1991 is when I won the contest 92 is when I met Doug Stanhope 92 and then again 93 and then I lost the job and I never saw him again wow and like I said I had bickering's of him and then he won the San Francisco comedy competition dang now he was not working the punchline

he wasn't working nobody was hiring that motherfucker he popped out of nowhere his act was so fucking blue and he was killing it like triple would you know when you get the paperwork from triple there's certain hotels that are Mormons mm-hmm red lion ends you can't go yeah those plucking places they have Mormon hotels no that if you do Provo Utah okay and it's a red lion in they'll tell you that there's they'll tell you on the fucking paperwork this is a Mormon room watch your language people get offended then the next night they put you in a room that says this is an active room yeah if you get thrown something thrown

at you get off the stage immediately and contact the management or go to the hospital and you're like what what do not stop do not antagonize yeah no no no it's that being you know it's it but it and you know like I did those in the theater you know that's that volatile room they're all volatile rooms and then and then the fucking shows in and they turn it into a disco and it's just white people but there's always three black guys are sucked getting to that dick sucked and there's two red necks and a furious at the black people you know I mean it's fucking crazy it's an adventure itself you know I went on a triple run for

probably eight months that's all I lived on was triple runs two weeks of the shot stay on the road no live off the fat in the land for fucking two days in your car going to the movies and sneaking into other movies and staying in there all day living off subway sandwiches the veggie and cheese that type of shit what do you miss about that what do I miss about I know it's kind of a general question but yeah not knowing not knowing is one of the work best places you could ever put yourself in your life not knowing because you got the balls of a child yeah you got the balls of a child you only ever take a chance you won't ever you

don't know you won't know you don't understand what that's like you get safe it a lot of time I feel like I get safer as I get old you know when you come up to me in your bank account is twelve five and you tell me that you're broke that you're living you know there's people to think they cute they got thirteen thousand in bank account they're like you know I'm living day to day bitch yeah I'm talking about fifty dollars is what I own this car is what I own yeah I wake up in the morning I don't even know if this car is gonna make it to the next gate but guess what I'm gonna try my hardest cuz I'm a fucking professional

yeah that is a distinctive level to put yourself in your life and there's a comic if you're a real comic at one point in your life when you fall in love with this art one day Lee and you tell me Joe Diaz I'm not doing this podcast no more I'm gonna live off my fucking savings and live off fifty dollars a fucking night and you know what I'm not gonna take a day job I love this so much I put away savings my school loans are paid I don't know nobody money you don't know what that's like to just disappear and get the fucking car with everything you'll give away your bed you fucking TV give away all your give away everything

like I did that takes a different mental when I got in that car in June of nineteen eight ninety five that was the best thing I ever did with my life like I had been out in the cold before I had been alone before that was a completely different feeling I was living off what I loved for the first time in my life man not what I had to do to pay the fucking shitty bills and student loans and to pay for fucking shit I didn't fucking need a fucking TV or cable TV you don't know what it is to disconnect yourself for people to have conversations about TV and you don't even fucking know but you want me to tell you what the best thing

is about elite you don't give a fuck you don't give a fuck because you're out there getting on stage every fucking night you don't give a fucking you think I gave a bro for ninety five to two thousand two I didn't watch fucking I didn't even know what the fuck TV was I didn't give a fuck about basketball I didn't give a fuck about nothing I gave a fuck about music yeah because that's all I that's all I could do was listen to the car keep it going you know there wasn't books on audio yet there was nothing it was a cassette deck with twenty fucking cassette that's it Lee you'll never know what that's like to have no money in the

bank to be in a hotel in Michigan where next door you hear people fucking and two doors down he was beaten yeah but it doesn't matter because you're going to do what you love so much that is a fucking feeling that people live all their lives and they never fucking experience loving something trying to be that good at something that is there's nothing to it there's no guarantees when you get into this if I go to school to be a doctor yeah you could be a doctor I could do anything after that I could be an assistant you know what I don't want to be a doctor but I'll be the highest paid assistant in that fucking office

you understand what I'm trying to say to you it's you have no idea what it's like when you take a gun and point at a man and you take a life that takes you to a different level in your life that puts you that puts you in a different perspective that puts you in a different world you have no disregard for human life now you do it again now every time you have a beef with somebody I come up here and I just shoot you in the fucking head every time I have a beef with somebody you have that takes you to a different level not knowing where you're now I had tons of practice about not knowing yeah 83 oh yeah I used to wake up and go to a

diner and put breakfast on the arm till five o'clock where you're conditioned you don't even realize I would force myself to make money by five o'clock to give the acharities back their breakfast money you know it was seven bucks and I take a 20 on sign for it just to get the party started yeah 20s I go to the bar get a cocktail see what's going on listen I got watches I got a hundred quailutes let's make something happen get the over and he likes ludes get him on the phone me oh I got ludes what I was a piece we're gonna give me the ludes for I'm gonna give you eight bucks for 250 all right deal give me four he wants 25 and

250 I just made 45 bucks I just covered breakfast and I can have two or three more drinks I get a $20 sack of coke I'm gonna buy ludes and sell more I'm gonna give me 50 because we'll deal with money I'm gonna flip the other ones and make a fucking dollar you know I'm saying yeah and it started my new so what Joey you made 46 bucks 46 bucks when you wake up not knowing yeah that's fucking 10,000 in the bank jack yeah you know we a lottery that's a lottery when you do that when you don't know when you get something when you get something yeah I have no idea what I endured from 95 to 2,000 people like George Wolf will tell you

I lived in my car in front of his house some nights I was on his couch some nights I went to Ralphie May's fucking house and slept there and yeah I was an addict but I was working every fucking night right I was working I was on stage three times a fucking night at the store following Paul Mooney doing two Mexican rooms in a car that had no insurance and no registration you understand me and every time the fucking black lady with the donut head who saw it in Hollywood I got a ticket I had 2,000 tickets on that fucking car and it wasn't even in my name it was the casting director's name dude that's the best man that's one thing I do remember about

like you know just being a little younger and a little more carefree was having shit in other people's name doing shit not Karen not Karen you don't give a fuck I just I was just telling these guys I had a car that blew up in New York yeah I took a loan on that car like I took a loan on that fucking car when I was a kid I had the car for 10 days yeah and it lit on fire and all of those kind of they bought coke no way the electrical circuitry went oh dude and I left it there the next two three days later I went back and the car was gone it was just a wishbone and dog I took a bank loan out of there like a $2,000 bank loan cosign I didn't give a

fuck and even the cosign had never said nothing to me about it I'm like damn when is he gonna hate on me I forgot all about it dude we had this this guy named Andy speaking of fire he ran into a fire into a house fire to get some coke and got all fucking burnt up and not even a bunch like a couple grams dude and nobody ever kind of brings it up with him you know because it's kind of embarrassing I guess you know thinking you ran back in to get a little bit of coke and just got burnt up pretty good but yeah man I miss being younger dude I miss I miss just feeling like I had more time to just waste if I wanted to or just experience

you know I just miss that freedom of being like ah the next five years anything can happen like right now if I didn't have mercy on my wife we would get off the fucking podcast Wednesday afternoon me and Lee we'd be on a plane Wednesday night in the red eye land Thursday sleep all day do two shows Thursday got another plane do two shows Friday get another plane do two shows Saturday and come back I do that three times a fucking month yeah and some weeks we ain't even coming back on a fucking Sunday we're gonna go into the city and hang out go to Costa Rica no I'm not gonna go to Costa Rica I'm gonna fucking

Costa Rica what I'm saying is I can see you guys in Costa Rica let's say I'm in Miami for a few days fuck it I'll book West Palm you know a book like Tampa yeah stay in Miami eat fucking good food get some sun and then Wednesday take Lee up to Tampa yeah and you're out of town for two weeks and you covered two weeks and you don't have to come home we could do the podcast on the road that would be the ideal life right now yeah I would love to be able to do that I wouldn't do anything I mean I wouldn't give up my family right now at all for anything in the right but if I didn't have mercy on my wife get the fuck I go on the road

old-schools get out three weeks a shot three weeks fuck stay out there Lee you're coming for three weeks we're doing podcasts in Miami Tampa and Atlanta Georgia or fucking DC and then come home after three stay out unless you have an audition or something ain't no reason I really come home and get it done there really isn't there it really isn't there really isn't a reason I get up every time I get back I'm like what am I here for just clean clothes you know just to see some friends to go to the comedy store those the only things that keep me really you know enjoying the atmosphere man yeah I miss fuck dude I miss doing

good drug I miss doing some LSD man LSD was always fucking go back in time that's something I would do more of as a child you know dude I miss doing drugs when you were young bro cuz you know what the fuck have you been clean you didn't know use year and a half a little year and how you feel I feel good you know I feel better I think I feel a little bit more emotionally okay my biggest thing was and I wasn't addicted to drugs or alcohol but I was I was addicted to feeling bad about myself and when I would get to certain places in those feelings I would then use drugs you know I just ended up doing drugs by myself because I could be

by myself where I felt the only place I still felt comfortable and I could do drugs which made me feel good so you have anti-social issues like I have time to time yeah it would just get bad yeah and it didn't yeah there wasn't anything good because I didn't have any you know resources built up that made me feel okay when you go to the comedy store is there an anchor at the comedy store to soothe you yeah Adam Adam agate okay there's always Adam is the booker yeah yeah booker I put this there like when I see you you get genuinely yeah I feel you yeah yeah I feel good when I see you have that I need an anchor at the store

yeah that's why I don't like the store sometimes during the week you go down in the halls are empty and it's a great audience and stuff but the halls are empty make you feel yeah and you feel like your anchors aren't there that's when I get anxiety oh that's interesting that's when I get anxiety my anchors aren't there when I'm solo when I'm by myself yeah no Ari no Joe no nobody yeah I know I Rick Griffin and I love him to death and I know Neil Brennan I love him to death right but they're not the click I hang out with you know I mean I'm known Eric forever I should get him on the podcast next time I see him I want to get him on

the podcast but it's funny how sometimes you go to the store and there's nobody there yeah like there's nights I go to flappers and I see young comics and I get happy yeah like that they're still in it for two years or three years sometimes I go to the improv that you know you bump into people like I just bump into the guy that created marijuana logs him Doug Benson excuse me and Roger Rittenhouse for roommates and like the late 90s they created this show like a play doing it they still do it I've heard of it I think they did in New York right yeah they did in New York marijuana logs I just bumped into that guy I haven't seen

him in 10 years yeah that's a joy seeing people you know I mean yeah when you go up there it's like yeah I love seeing you know certain people makes me feel good certain people I know I can talk to call people I know are always a rat like triply always I can always talk to Tripoli a little bit because he always hot on the new conspiracy theory you know somebody's you know fucking kids for cheeseburgers or something out in Milwaukee or something you know something crazy you know there's always something wild I saw sciat I think where was the other night you had just gotten up into comedy where was that at at the store

what may it was either the store maybe Sam's room yeah that was exciting man that was crazy that was awesome that bit it lifted my spirits up yeah there's just yes and I'm you just get so excited to see and I feel safe there I feel safe at the store you know some places I go I still feel a little bit nervous but the comedy star feel safe when I go to a new town I feel whenever I go to anywhere when the first night I like I was getting bad and Friday Thursday and Friday night at the fucking comedy works yeah but once you get up there the anxiety becomes it must have felt good bro walking out on that stage man well it always feels good

when you walk on the stage but it's so weird that that fear that you have before you go up and flips it flips as soon as you touch the microphone and it goes into the microphone and for years you hear a flow and energy and when you do stand-up comedy that's when you really see it yeah when you go to yoga they talk about energy and this and this and this I'm feeling your body I never feel dick yeah I feel I can't breathe like you carry myself from 300 fucking pounds that's what I feel what I do feel when I'm on stage is the transformation of anxiety and fear into a little bit of anger a little bit of rage a little bit

of funny yeah and it taught that's what that journey taught me that journey teaches you how to take that fear I was poor morning don't want you stop getting scared don't go on stage no more that's the day you quit I had a lot of anger for years I have a lot of my on stage it was anger it was like I want to show these people you know there was something wrong it was just anger that was separate in my life it had nothing to do with the stage and only recently in the past couple years has it become more you know I feel a responsibility like I have a gift a little bit from God just to communicate and I don't know this may be the facet

that's always in comedy I don't know but that I have to use this gift to you know help just somehow make other people feel good so now I feel a little bit when I get on stage like I'm here to work for these people whereas it used to just be me it was like I'm here to just show you know just prove I can do this and maybe that was the fighting instinct that I needed to state to survive in this but now I feel more comfortable knowing like okay you know I still get nervous for sure especially I'm trying new bits out if I'm in a new stage my feet are touching a new stage for the first time it's like a baby deer being born but I do

feel more now like okay this is a team effort these people they want to have fun they're not judging me as much as I just always thought everybody was in my head and I'm here to help them have a good time we're gonna work together I feel that vibe more now when you first started when you frustrated at one point I was fucking angry you're frustrated with the system your life yeah yourself I was frustrated with my life dude I was first I was just angry you know I had that kind of like you know I had that I think I had a little bit of that poor white anger you know the same type of just you know nobody gives a fuck about poor white people in

America it seems like you know except for poor white people so you know I had a little bit of that angst you know I knew dude I mean you know I grew up around some fucking real crazy poor white people you know the dude no all they had a dude in our town no arms used to fucking fight everybody you know that dude you know I'm saying he gets in that lurch he would catch you with his between his chin and his chest he would fucking snack you like a snake we were talking about this dude his boy Gert was his name and he would just get you like that bro and he'd choke you down he had no arms no arms at all and he'd fight anybody dude and he would

choke you he would so if you went to punch him how would he block oh bro he's spent out of it he'd spin he duck he dodged the dude had I mean he just and would he catch your hand with his neck huh would he catch you oh he would just lurch at you and bro the thing is here was that oh you know what if he hits you with that shoulder you're going down yeah part of it the bigger was that choke he would get he would catch you like this where would he catch you your hand in your neck he would catch you neck to neck that's fucking crazy once he got you neck to neck Gert you but this whole family the whole family was fucking

you can choke you out psychos bro brother had sharpened half of his teeth on one side of his mouth dude these people would fuck you up one of the kids was in a wheelchair just they never taught him to walk I think I don't even think he was crippled that it's never taught him to walk and so the other brother would carry him on his back everywhere like a backpack dude and didn't even give a fuck maybe it's good these people are away from society the entire family no shirts bro family zero shots nobody those people don't waste shirts not the girl didn't have shirts either they have one girl in the family what was her name Jessica she

was normal she was you know she was pretty nice you I thought she was a sweet girl for as tough as you know everything that had gone on down there and they used to put a board over the sink at night and one of them would sleep over the sinks they had 11 children I mean the little I mean the house with no joke was two two of these studios you know that 11 kids in there but yeah it's like I grew up in that type of environment it's just like I don't know you don't feel like anybody gives a fuck about you so I think a lot of it took a long time for that some of that to get out of my system I still feel it when I go around

like really rich people who think that they know everything man that stuff makes you mad it's funny I was telling me that this morning I woke up I mean I slept so much yesterday and last night I fucking slept hard I woke up like a fucking 430 in the morning wide awake right a fucking kill Monday ready for kickboxing at 9 and I did my usual shit I went over my audition on the sides and I wrote it out and I wrote my stuff for the day and then I went I fucked around I fucked around then I went a messenger like you ever go on Facebook messenger mm-hmm I want a messenger just to see cuz sometimes you messages accumulate yeah

yeah you get some in there I got a message this morning it was like the weirdest thing it was like fate I was telling Lee when I came in I go Lee were you not in the green room with me all weekend and we go yeah I go Lee I got an email today from a couple yeah I went to the Facebook page I didn't even answer them back but the first line was you're a sham like a scam like whatever that word is mm-hmm a farce a farce or something mm-hmm we went to see you Friday night and we could visibly tell that you were on cocaine no oh my god they were genie they were like drug geniuses they had to be Rogan people when I went back to their page they had

10 pictures of Rogan they see Rogan like in eight places they're the ones that always ask Rogan annoying questions on the road yeah and Rogan a look at them like are you fucking crazy there's no better look than Rogan give you that look are you fucking crazy they just say stupid shit to Rogan to seem intellectual and there's 200 people behind you got chitchat let's go take a hike take the picture and take a fucking hike yeah so you could tell he's one of those guys that he'll see Rogan and right away call me a farce that I was obviously on cocaine that there was no way that I was clean that my energy levels on stage

were too high from my age for me to be on cocaine he said but I knew how to hide it you weren't sniffling or wiping your nose as soon as you do a line of coke this shit starts dripping out of your fucking mouth that's the first tell I could I could look at somebody now now I could really see oh yeah then when I was under the influence I couldn't see it now I can really see it everybody my buddy this one dude used to put his favorite start to get a little do a little dust you know put start touching his asshole bro by the end of the night if we had a couple of bags he'd have four fingers in his fucking ass dude he had like a you

know that some of those people eat their hair you see those videos where people eat their hair you know he just had like a weird tick like that where he would just I don't know what it was he just like under the pants he would go in the pants oh in his ass in his own ass oh my god yeah I had a guy that used to do this he would hold up it like he would be talking to you go he would be talking to you and he would just flip out time to time and then I had another guy that when he get cooked up he was bald so he always felt like something was landing on his head so every eight minutes he would tell

you this and he would look at point to his head to tell you that is there a bug do you see it like type but you can see it like he wants you to be an investigator for yeah I have anything on my head let me know it's like those people tell you your nose is clean I got anything on my nose yeah he would look at me I get he didn't have to say that he would say let's say he started snorting out 11 with me yeah by 130 that would start he wouldn't get paranoid he wouldn't drive me crazy wouldn't say a lot of shit he would just tell me that he had a spider on his head then after two or three hours he would start smacking his

and that's when you would fucking die a laughter when he would smack his own head be honest Joey after like the first couple times he asked you would you just start like looking above his head just like I think there's something on your forehead oh I tortured him for days that poor bastard I think he stopped hanging with me because when he must have smacked himself 90 fucking times three hours he he was punching himself in the head because I kept telling him I'm feeling spiders I tortured there was like I'm tortured 18 people when they're hot even when I'm hot I can be fucking stoned till I get it oh yeah the best torture I ever did ever

in my 55 year existence was to my ex-wife in San Francisco on acid that was one of the best times I ever had in my life ever by myself I kept telling I get it together you gotta pick your father up at the airport and she was like my father's coming in I mean it was fucking crazy that's a good one to her looking for a keys and then I had a Bruce Lee poster and I would look at it and look at her and go don't tell her and she would look at me at the Bruce Lee post I was tormenting her one night that poor girl you wonder why she hates me with all my fucking heart oh that's so vague and good at the same time

oh my god I got her on one of those 12 hours fucking Grateful Dead Hits acid for like nine hours you're just burning we were burning we were burning it was 1985 we were burning a bunch of koalas playing volleyball with your brain in San Francisco the first hour and a half is mild and then it just goes into overdrive and you're seeing shit you're hearing shit yeah you can't focus on the TV only music could be on you all right you feeling anything I'm just I'm thinking about how when you're on acid how can you torture somebody like that's like we just think of something that's casual enough just to catch a little bit of

there's just a couple of their senses at the same time and people will score a lot dude my buddy made us put a minute in a in the out in the yard on a mattress one time the only way he could function dude another buddy of mine took a took all his clothes off and started driving drove for like five hours do you have no clue where he went and he came back in the morning and he was still you know he was out of gas but he was and but ass naked they still but ass naked yeah some people just have to you know they get in the lane when they're when they're on the dust man let me tell you something I missed that there was a time in this

country where if a movie came out there was an undercurrent and there wasn't Twitter and there wasn't Facebook and there wasn't social media but there was an understanding that if you want to see that movie you're going to see that movie others wow okay that was it you know we were younger yeah we like in the seventh and eighth grade yeah we get together on a Saturday and we get in a bus the number one bus to Jersey City and we get we'd go behind a fucking alley and we'd smoke ten joints when you're in the seventh grade and we get fucking baked oh yeah and go and see the Pink Panther movies or Kentucky Fried movie there were just

movies that there was an undercurrent that you knew you weren't going to see that movie straight like your days are going to see straight movies with your fucking family yeah we did that you know Rocky Horror Pictures so that was a popular that was I did that later on right like you went to see all the rock movies at that time all the theaters had midnight showings of rock movies there wasn't a lot of them there was ten of them yeah they were all in rotation Pink Floyd live upon pay the storm is the same new young and crazy horse new young with the whole crew Crosby stills Nash and young there were a couple of movies

that were hour half that you knew you were going to see them high and midnight on Friday night and that's what you and 20 your friends did but the most vivid movie I still remember going to see that it was mandatory that you did acid was apocalypse now mm-hmm like it was known that you didn't you were not going to see that movie based on what that was the word on the street before the movie even came out like that was it we're going to see that on ass that was it everybody's doing acid and going them like 20 of us will go and do fucking acid go inside me while you would hear people it was 3d glasses without the 3d glasses when they were

doing the fucking scenes with the strippers and shit that scene blew my mind because they did the redux and they added all the Dutch scenes and shit this is before all that fuck the Dutch when they were bombing them with the things you're tripping your fucking balls off in the movie theater we ate this acid that was double barrel sunshine and we all went to say I still remember vividly who I went to see that movie with mm-hmm and what one of the guys did this guy John Crowley was it there was a carvel in that mall this was the Fairview cinema the carvel cakes with ice cream yeah but there was a store that gave you

the cone mm-hmm and somebody went into the movie theater and threw the cone down and it was melting and it had a few ants around it there was a long line and he goes watch I cut in front of the line he picked up the fucking ice cream and started we were all on acid yeah his name was John Crowley started eating the ice cream and everybody in that line fucking froze and we just walked him like we owned the joint people on acid were fucking eating no people on acid were watching my friend eat a cone of ice cream that was melting with ants on it he picked it up and ate it you think people gonna fuck with him after that and

then before the movie started he went up on stage we dare them guy go up down stage and tell the people he was so fucked up last week he went up there he's like can I have your attention please ladies and gentlemen and there people were fucking howling because they had just seen me the fucking ice cream cone outside with ants on it and shit you know like I went to all those another time I went to a movie I went to see AC DC with a friend of mine Kurt DeLorenzo God bless us so and we got we did coke that night and then boo oh yeah like blackberry brandy me and him were tight and one night we pulled the lead on a

me him and his kid Louis Castelito went to a movie I can't remember what movie it was but on the way home we were on the fucking fire yeah like the acid was beaming we were tripping we were seeing shit that's crazy bro and I think it was Louis Castelito kept saying the guys I keep sitting here in sirens and there was sirens but I kept telling him I don't even know sirens and the other dude played along he's like I don't hear them sirens we kept walking there must have been a fire somewhere there's sirens everywhere this guy's like what I wonder what's going on why are there sirens and we're

like we don't hear no fucking sirens knock it off and it had just rained like in the movie dealing it rained like it rained a ton and there was a pothole with water on it now we're fucking with him for at least 15 minutes about the fucking sirens he's hitting his ears and shit he's gonna make it stop I gotta make it go away we're fucking howling me and Kurt and there's a pothole filled with water and I'll never forget he bent over and took the water and started coming on his face he started splashing the water on his face and he kept saying I still hear the

sirens and we're like listen knock it off there's no fucking sirens and after about another block he just took off the next day we saw him he's like that was fucked up because I went home oh my god that is the best when you take some money when he knelt down on Kenny Boulevard dog and splashed water on his face from the bottle I nearly find it was right across from Fairview fucking diner me enjoyed and there was a little hill so all the water ran into that pothole there was a couple inches of water when he met the street was still wet for Doug when he bent over and splashed water on his face that was a killer right there

I wonder if there's like an increase in like mental mental institution like in that from acid from just Joey oh yeah yeah I mean what acid was like a six dot people were always like acid was more popular when I was young you know for six dollars you might fucking die brah you know I'm saying you don't know what was gonna happen with acid that's the beauty of that's the beauty of that's what I loved about it was like a first and people always complain like this acid's no good like it was six fucking bucks brah it was three bucks yeah you're lucky not dead you're lucky you're not dead dude we had this boy in Barry shirts

and he would uh this dude he took a hit too hard or had a bone he might have taken like 10 or 20 hits one time and he would start to keep a extra shirt with him right and change his shirt when he was tripping and then eventually was like two shirts and in a bag two shirts three shirts he was a sweater oh just no not even sweating just switching shirts bruh so you'd be hanging out with him he'd leave the room and he would come back in a different shirt and so then if you were on acid with him and you didn't know he did that shit you didn't know he just had this kind of little psychosis thing he was going

through he's just switching shirts just fucking so then every 40 minutes he'd have on a different colored shirt so if you were a new person you didn't know you'd be like what the fuck man you'd think you were tripping even harder do we had time and I remember bad acid would come through town and like everybody would start acting a certain way people would start you know I remember one time people wore like a bunch of like kind of you know grateful dead type of stuff people were vests they'd have like a bad batch of acid will come through next you know half the town's wearing fucking vests you know women are

gelling their hair down I remember one time dude they had this one dude at this party and he'd apparently had taken a bunch of acid he put in his mouth and for you know four bucks whatever he would like spit into your mouth like a hit of acid why would you do something like that that's discussed but there wasn't anything else to do so I'm gonna let some fucking strangers spit acid in my mouth for yeah for four bucks I can put the acid in my mouth for free but you we didn't have it oh you didn't have the four bucks we had the four bucks we didn't have the acid he had it inside of the system and for four bucks are in his

you know he put it in his mouth and then for four bucks he'd fucking fired into you so next thing you know bro we spent about 36 dollars we're fired up dude at this dude's party this dude I'll take this dude icy Mike right so this dude used to get ice from anywhere like he would get water and he had like a nice freezer his family have one of those you ever go downstairs and like some people's house and they keep meat in like an extra freezer like they don't want you stealing their meat so they put it in like a special freezer down in the basement or the freezer has like a flat top it is like a door on the top and you

open it like that and the whole things are free so there's no refrigerator you know I'm talking about like a big freezer yeah yeah yeah so these people had you know this dude icy Mike would get water from different places you know fucking local water fancy Lake Mead Lake Pontchartrain Mississippi River and freeze it and then people come over and eat the ice in the summer we'd go over there and eat ice he had water from everywhere he had water from Ireland France like Powell you know I'm saying so we go by icy Mike's and fucking have a piece of ice he'd break you off a fucking chunk of ice everybody's sitting

having ice from other places you know it's kind of are you sure this wasn't he just didn't write it on the bottle like it was all from his faucet oh no you could taste it was from different places man some of it was brackish some of the shit was fucking you know Iceland some of the ice he might get the fucking water from different places man he went himself oh maybe his family went I think his dad did some kind of traveling work he thought he brought back gallons of fucking water have you lost your goddamn mind but I'm telling it there's no other way I got tricked no there's no way he could have gotten these

flavors in this water fucking flavors that they did this they did remember what Penn and Teller did a show called bullshit yeah 20 years ago in this fucking town in Beverly Hills there was a water bar mm-hmm with these idiots went in there with them they would drink fresh water different curated waters sounds good so one day fucking Penn and Teller went in there and they took the hose from the back mm-hmm and they gave people that whole water and they asked them what they thought and you should have seen by people making ass all of themselves wow this water is nutty it's tasty and they would even give me three

glasses of the same water and these fucking morons dude this guy wouldn't smart enough to do that though yes he did he tricked you motherfuckers but you could he had no proof guys from around the world yeah what do you do send me a gallon of water call who the fuck are you gonna call we loved it it was good mate water from the fucking neighborhood like digger put on his face are you fucking crazy oh yeah it was it was exotic shit man if you could see the bottles and stuff it and he had it like in the you know we get the trays of it and break everybody off a fucking cube you'd all be sitting there having

something you know what he did was he sold you a dream which was cool that he did that he was a great guy for doing that it was brilliant yeah he took your mind away from the fucking whole hum day he bullshit he said I got this from Antarctica and there you are someday that's what happens it happens trust me you know well listen when I lived in Jersey I dreamt of fucking getting out of Jersey yeah you know when you hear Bon Jovi I love Bon Jovi because Bon Jovi is really from New Jersey yeah when he did slippery when wet and the one after that there's some songs in his lyrics are in that one never saying

goodbye like that slippery when wet song like we were trying to break loose like when I was a kid that's all I'm fucking I always knew there was something out there right like I love New Jersey and I love North Bergen I love my friends but I gotta tell you something I always knew there was something out there I wasn't gonna stay there I knew that that was not gonna be my calling I knew I was not and I lived eight minutes from New York City wow the place where everybody wants to be and I loved it and I love I was telling my way my most favorite neighbor in the world is the Bronx that's if I could go

back into a city that was the way it was in the 80s yeah the 70s I love the Bronx 70s it was a murder zone but the food was out of this fucking world yeah the people out of this world my mother had a dry cleaner up to about 1971 and I would spend my weekends up there was fucking great I got bit by a dog I got chased by gangs I love to smell it I love the fucking Bronx like I love all that type but now it's very gentrified stuff oh yeah New York's changed man fuck I go back to New York I can't believe what is it now the city is all everybody's just rich people I can't believe it I can't even get mugged in alphabet city

anymore probably there's not even people out at night like two or three in the morning they used to this very select the streets are empty I remember closing the bar and taking the fucking bridge over yeah the tunnel over and just like going what do you want to do dog whatever let's go over get a brown bag of beer and sit on the fucking corner that's what we do yeah yeah well you got a job come on they do I you got 20 I got 20 let's go to city pick up a 20 for for the toll we're gonna six back to six backs we'll bring up the fucking he can't have any fun anymore I remember that yeah the first time I went dude was

eating I remember a couple lesbians brought me back to their apartment you know and I ended up stealing a sex toy out of there cuz I got a little bit keyed up on some cocaine and got nervous but you could have fun though did you sniff it when jerk off is that what you saw the sex do well here's I whenever I start I used to steal chicks panties bro I would feel soft every time on the way home I jerk off in a page and throw my the fucking car like a savage one time I was with this girl and I was so drunk bro she was driving us and I had a puke so bad and I just took my hat off my head filled it just bombed it

right into it right just threw it out the window just kept talking to her like nothing had happened to it another time this dude my buddy Billy Comforto rest in peace bro he died he drove into an embankment but he he used to do pills and everything and we were bus boys together we're co-bus boys even though he was about 35 or 40 you know he looked like Don Flamenco you know that is from Mike Tyson's punch out the little Italian guy and he's like he looked like that guy but without the roses and about an extra 20 pounds and he was also homosexual but he he gave me

some pills you know gave me some somas one night or something I think try to maybe take advantage of me I don't remember that's a good thing about pills is you know I'm saying if you did get molested you don't really have to remember it but I remember this girl this hot chick that I knew was at this bar we ended up at and I was like I need to ride home I mean I was I sat in my passenger seat she drove us home while she's driving I've vomited all over right and the only thing I remember is we made plans to go to church the next morning so in the morning I come out of my house how I got home open the car door and there's

vomit everywhere except like in the shape of this woman right on the on the front car seat and I went over to church and she was there and she looked at me like I was the devil himself man you barked on this poor girl yeah she was a sweet girl too man and she has children now because I've seen on Instagram she have some children you still follow her yeah I still kind of peep at her shit sometime there but I miss all day man I miss doing acid I miss you miss doing drug do you huh does your mind you know there was a time where if I didn't have coke there was no reason to go yeah I'm not going to that ball if I'm not smart

yeah there's no reason like I quibble a little I quibble it was the equivalent like if I didn't have coke I couldn't have fun that was it yeah ages of 18 to I didn't have that was my fun I didn't want to go to the movies only a little park I don't want to see nothing you know so once I stopped snorting coke that whole world disappeared which I wanted gone anyway that was the part I didn't like about the drugs yes a dirty world after a while dirty world after a while since you're up late with a bunch of creeps I didn't like that anymore like I at the end the last five or six years I snorted by myself yeah that's how you

were a girl and I knew you were gonna give it up like there was no before you went up into my cave yeah your cave I'm letting you know right now if I give you half this coke I'm gonna eat your asshole later yeah I would let him know I don't get that's the only way and I would they would start every take me that I fucking get pissed yeah they wouldn't be worth the blowjob because they would drive me fucking crazy all fucking night I rather hang out by myself because people drove me crazy yeah maybe I that's how I think I got man that's my I was very anti-social yeah I got a very anti-social I was social for what was

necessary yes but when it came to that shit and it's it's still like that at time like I'm still I still have right because you have that thing in you that was never gonna change that was never gonna change the coke was just a side effect of you know a progression of that feeling or whatever that was you know because cocaine allows you to be by your so you're like oh it gives your brain a quick reason oh I gotta go do this by myself anyway that's what it did for me too like I now I have fun like yeah it took me two or three years after the coke to even have like when I first got into comedy I wasn't it was a new thing

for me like I fell in love wow it was my wife like I that was it and the road that road life you just meet girl oh rose fun man and they know what time it is yeah they take you back there's a piece of ass and I'm leaving in the morning oh yeah and communication is zero me nobody falling yeah you know saying I ain't gonna tell nobody you ain't gonna tell nobody we're gonna do a couple dirty things and I'll leave town yeah see each other again look at some fat ankles hanging out of bed sheet I'm out of town anybody at that time right I love comedy so much I didn't want anybody I was having a great

time sleeping in that car I was having a great time some nights sleeping in a motel six and some nights sleeping on a fucking Hilton you didn't know until you got there you know this week least day at the condo in Denver yeah that's his introduction fucking luxury bro I know Lee taking it easy dude there he goes to the condo in Albuquerque yeah and they got sperm on the sheets wait to get out there and you know and like I said you know I got at Lee for you to make that level in your life jump there's got to be a little suffering you got to do a little something somewhere along the line you're gonna have to get

yeah you're gonna have to suffer that's what takes you to the next level you being at home comfortable thinking that your world is never gonna break apart you never know what it is to fall in love with something and that nothing means nothing you got to get attacked somewhere you have no idea what it's like to fall in love with comedy when nothing means nothing your mother your father nothing bro your car is your best friend can't even see and you know book next to yeah you don't give a fuck your computer your clothes are hanging in the back your trunks got a spare tire come in the trunk a blanket a fucking knapsack

you got a stove back there you got a PO box and you got a pager you don't even call people no more everything's done the computer do you know what that life is and to have zero money in the bank and just depend on your comedy no it's a fucking adventure and that's what life is Lee yeah you gotta get out there bro it's oh it sounds like a blast other than being like completely broke like honestly that's a scary part about about this it's not I know like it it it lets you know cuz for years I thought you weren't anything until you have money yeah really believed that I was really under the impression society forces you

to believe that you're nobody if you don't have all those things and guess what when I fell in love with County I didn't want those things no I didn't need them it was the weirdest fucking thing you got a new currency now like the eight fucking years all I wanted was to sell drugs and be a kingpin and be that guy that would go to a bar by Dom Perignon and by the age of 31 when I got divorced I didn't want I didn't want to make a salary yeah I wanted to live off the fat of the land I want to pay for my sins yeah and that was it like it was great not having credit cards like I had every crowd went from having every

credit card to having none yeah everything was done by cash you know you know that Gilbert Oscar Val has a good joke about you know he he does an imitation of that dude if you're a Mexican if you cash your checks that you know you're a Mexican and you cash your checks at the liquor store yeah that was me I guess my checks on Whitley in Hollywood from $15 ones to $60 ones and they were all special you know I'm saying yeah oh yeah that you're running that yeah moment-to-moment and that's what happens to people they don't know that side of the coin so when they come here in this little disappointment I'm gonna

become a director or a producer yeah well you know what I'm gonna shoot commercials go fuck yourself that's what I say you never understood you never forced yourself yeah into that next level of your life you never never gonna force yourself into that you have to force yourself I accepted I was like you know what I don't give a fuck yeah I worry now that I somehow feel like I my but one of my biggest fears is getting too comfortable sometimes one of my biggest fear is getting is getting comfortable no you never get comfortable like that's what else this whole life taught me that is seven days away I

don't know I don't know what you're talking about yeah I don't know what you're talking about I don't know you're talking about watching TV I don't know what you're talking about right this was the life that I chose yeah and and people still get mad at me I don't know you're talking about right this is it yeah this is it you know people still took 27 years later do not comprehend that I really don't give a fuck yeah that now I give a fuck a little bit more because of my family I'm not missing nothing yeah you know it took my brother 10 years to realize I was never gonna visit him in Kamikaze in

San Diego he held on every year he came out here come on down they're gonna love you get a boot he didn't believe me wow he's not he don't come no more wow took him 10 years he thought like when I tell you I'm not gonna I don't have listen I don't have four hours to drive to San Diego yeah I have an audition tomorrow and I'm wasting my time dressed up with a bunch of people looking like superheroes yeah I'm here for business I didn't come out here to fucking go to the beach or the roller skate and those are the people that fail and then they bitch at you they get mad at you because there was too much of a good time there's no

good time there's no good time yes a lot of work man it took me 10 years it took me to I was 31 to realize there's no good time like whatever 1995 was I was yeah 32 wow there was no there's no more good time studio 54 closed yeah that was it where's Tony Bennett cocksucker yeah I think about that sometimes yeah I think about that sometimes man and then people complain when their life doesn't work out but they didn't sacrifice you think that ice was fake man fuck yeah don't worry about it man it's okay just want to run this child but I think no he took you away for the day like a

drug he made you think you were in Morocco yeah you had fucking water from Michigan that Flint water nice man we had some shit from Lake Powell one time that was fucking as you used to do with me pretty hearty who'll leave you I miss those days man that misery loves company a good acid LSD no you know I miss it and I don't miss it I miss it and I don't miss it I do not ever want to be in that world again man ever do you feel like you made them but you probably have a feeling you feel like you made the most out of that time that you got the most out of that time it was it started when I was 16 and then there when I was 40

fucking four years old yeah that that was and I had ups and downs I went to prison and it was all that drug now I see when people have problems it takes me just a little while and I'll figure out why they have problems yeah it's a drug it's a drug yeah and you did the right thing when you look at all the famous comics and look at the ones that fucked around with drugs didn't that good for nobody yeah prior the Kennesons you know the Mitch Headbergs doesn't end good Mitch Headberg was on another level man dog I saw that motherfucker on another level really dog I was here when they show dog I was

here when they closed the improv on a Monday and Tuesday yeah to showcase Mitch Headberg Monday was for fucking writers and producers and Tuesday was for show writers wow like that's the strength of Mitch Headberg but they don't even do like that shit anymore like when Mitch Headberg died I was furious that day I still remember like cursing him to somebody like that dumb motherfucker wow and like a year later had a call that person or you know it was just angry because people die to get to that level yeah you know I love Mitch I didn't talk to Mitch probably the last couple years of his life I didn't really see him I

didn't see him he was living on the road in the fucking trailer with the girl yeah that's the soul yeah when you get bent up you're not spending time with your friends you're not spending time with your loved ones no you know I'm saying whenever you fucked up whenever you're really getting fucked up like him I'm sure you're not hanging out with your buddies your sister you know I'm saying you hang out with other people that are partying you know it's funny there was a time where I thought maybe someday you know with the grace of God I could get any Murphy time and I'd be doing coke and have like a lot to write

that's not what I ever wanted yes never I don't like entourage you so you know who the fuck you know I'm saying I just didn't I've always been an only fucking I love it yeah I love doing what I do I enjoy it I'm really happy that I got the fun like how happy are you that you got to find what you're gonna do the rest of your life we're all very uncertain yeah I knew when I thought about getting a job in New York like a friend went sit to me listen I could still get you like a runner job mm-hmm we'll have to cover up the felony and everything I thought about it for a while I'm like I want to do that yeah I

thought I wanted to do it I really thought it was adventurous but once I heard the comedy lifestyle and I read the books and I did the it just not knowing just that gift of not knowing just knowing I'm gonna pick up 50 bucks right yeah to cover my hotel but guess what today I'm doing what I love doing what the fuck what the fuck you're gonna get a job that you hate and then meet a girl you're gonna marry you you're both gonna get fucking fat and yeah gonna start owing money and now when your job holds you you got to work six days a week to make that fucking nut and then guess what happens one day you just die

from the fucking stress you know one day you just die from the fucking stress we were talking about studios before I'm an econ major I always look at numbers yeah you know and that's why I said to you me and him and had a thousand arguments about the things and different situations we went to see an office one time on Van Nuys the guy wanted $1600 that means the first 16 that you make on this podcast yeah right yeah you know I'm saying like just to have luxurious offices I'm not one of those guys I drive a fucking soup right so that was looking at they had the new cars that were coming out 200,000 for a car 100,000

for an escalate really are you fucking kidding me yeah that's a lot more to life than fucking paying that shit to impress your fucking friends and the people around you yeah we had a Ford Festiva man yeah that's it it doesn't matter what the fuck you drive I sat that night on my birthday before the comedy store I went to Dan Tanner's and I sat out there and watched the people driving and what they were pulling up with and I pulled up with a white fucking Subaru with my wife and people looking at me you know what man that makes me happy I'm not I don't live for nobody I don't need to drive a BMW yeah it's such

a great thing that I let go that's what comedy did to me it made me thwart that thinking that money made you money doesn't make you at all money don't do shit for you yeah money don't do shit for you at the end of the fucking day when you realize that money don't do shit for you your life changes completely your mood and your day is created by you hmm I love that I love that it's the fucking truth I felt good without money and I felt good with money I felt good in both avenues because sometimes without money and without money I'm telling you I'm in a hotel condo I'm in Milwaukee Wisconsin the condo smells like

footnass mm-hmm I just had a Chinese lunch two joints and the waitress is getting me a half gram of coke tonight and I'm still gonna have 10 bucks left over for tomorrow to get a sandwich at the fucking subway yeah I'd sit there and watch TV all day and write fucking stupid jokes but at least it was not doing something I didn't want to fucking do right I remember towards the end when I sold cars the last year I sold cars I got fired from every job I just what kind of cars we sell selling it didn't matter yeah Jeep Eagle Subaru use car jeeps I got fired from every job you know why because I was just there for the

paycheck yeah I would go in there use their lung distance to call comedy clubs yeah and then I wouldn't even sell cars I talked to people and I took the 250 salary a week and they do that for 90 days until they fight I was very happy with the 250 and helped out my cause my cause was comedy it was keep it cruising yeah I was just looking for a job that's why you get yourself those no responsible telemarketing jobs that yeah Tony little gazelle free style and you pay $18 an hour anywhere from 12 to 18 an hour dog yeah you can make anywhere from 12 to 18 miss voodoo's magic shirt it's up to you to fucking sell people on

the phone that whole thing so I moved to L.A. so some guys in the fucking phone man to businesses remember you guys are both young 20 years ago the cigar business got hot in this country because Demi Moore took a cigar and smoked it on Vanley magazine or some fucking magazine cover so you would go to bars and women will be smokers are hilarious it was terrible in Hollywood women smoking cigars I love to see some big tits with a fucking cigar ash on them bro oh they all had them all of them all of them were smoking cigars when you went to a bodega and like Harlem yeah you could buy a cigar they would have a

human door like a fake human door so I would sell you the whole package of 300 bucks yeah on the phone and my commission was like one of the quarter I can negotiate I can do it for 275 if I wanted to still make a yardstick I would sell three of those the fucking day and go home and you're not knowing that's the side of comedy that you have to understand is not knowing yeah I guess there were times like that for sure you know where it's like I guess there were times where I felt like fuck is this the thing for me and those are the moments I think when this continues to choose you you know yeah but the first

seven years of this shit it's like anything else you're doubting yourself the whole time yes it's that little sign you get oh yeah you get a little sign for trying every 90 days you get a little like a reward for sticking with it yeah and next thing you know you've been doing it for three years and next you know you've been doing it for four years next thing you know you're doing it for seven years now guess what now you're at a crossroads in your life and there's one anything you're doing at seven years yeah either you're gonna continue to do it you're gonna dive into it and at the seven year mark you're pretty much

co-headlining or featuring yeah you know and now you have to make a move for yeah that's the crazy part that's the craziest part leaving Boston leaving Chicago leaving Indiana leaving those other cities to go to New York to showcase cities and doing you know do you watch crashing this week was an interesting show like I watched crashing I watch every episode and I can't tell you that I don't like every episode like not every episode is my favorite but this season it's really picked up last week it was about already about him confronting already about his drug problem and trying to help already out and this week it

was about when the comic dates a girl but it was very interesting that's how you know it was written by a comic a comic dates another female comic they start dating they start fucking you both go to the same open mics you write together it's like a faggy fucking dumb shit that's stupid don't date a female fucking comic you want to fuck them in the ass fuck them in the ass and move on but do not date a comic because at one point somebody gets successful and that's where the tension starts so they both go to NACA there's a very good episode this is something that if you're a young comic listen to this this is a

very good episode and you're gonna know exactly what I'm talking about mm-hmm so they get the NACA for those who don't know what NACA is it's a convention that you go to and there's a bunch of colleges there it's the worst you get on stage and a bunch of colleges bid for you a bomb did that and sometimes you pick you take 30 you bomb because you were yourself yes so what happened is they get the NACA him and her go downstairs and they get an orientation by the way you can't talk about rape this that they hair loss anything diabetes so she went up the first night and did her fucking act and she said that she went to college

and got roofied and raped that they call it roofie like it's a thing how can you give something that cute a fucking something that bad a cute name right roofie she sold you know I'm saying like she did her act right and then they show her standing out there by herself nobody's talking to her and then Maria Villasignore I'm saying that a lot yeah was there and she went up there did impersonation and she was getting people and she was giving away buttons so well what's his name P. Holmes P. Holmes was sitting there he's watching all this and he goes wait a second so he ran across the street to a gas station to look for

something to give away after the show so people would stop by him and it said the shirt said gas it up so he went back and signed he bought a bunch of shirts for $2 a piece and he signed them and he wrote a joke about the shirt mm-hmm so he went out there he watched what was working mm-hmm and he did it he didn't do his act you know I'm saying mm-hmm like he watched what was working hi guys college kids you know remember guys cut duct tape and the kids are laughing and he was doing material that college kids laugh right and yeah I didn't and then afterward he wrote a joke about he did that Arnold Schwarzenegger he ended with

an Arnold Schwarzenegger impression yes is gussing up and afterward he got like six eight colleges people loved them he did great and in the room she confront them and she goes I fucking them dating the guy that took a dump on fucking states tonight and what it means is that you a lot of comics come here bro I know 20 comics I saw on the road like these motherfuckers are gonna be stars but they moved that way mm-hmm and they take advice from their agents yeah and they start writing material to sell a TV show instead of writing material that comes from their heart what they really really say because what comedy is is your

world colliding with another world and how how you live in it that's it how you see that's what comedy is how I collide with the world mm-hmm saying there's a stop sign you ain't gonna stop or you can fucking go through it you know I'm saying yeah a comic you need that little je ne sais quoi of rebel in you there's gotta be a little touch there's gotta be a little original rebellion in you little wigger there was a free wig it was a great episode because she told him you played for them you didn't do your act and what did he say this is a career move which a lot of people that haven't done colleges and they do great

colleges play pay great and it's a great living but like I said you have to really change your act it's like being an act on a on a ship I have nothing against it it's a fucking living yeah you hear that siren the ship I could do but I couldn't I remember going to NACA Nashville but and I ate it bro but I did one college I did my shut up booked a couple of them did you like doing them no I didn't like it let me give some shout outs real quick my man D from Colorado who showed up at 22 pounds I'm sorry I didn't get to see you John E McClain roster Jeff you bad motherfucker Brian Allen Christopher Berryman Jimbo

Slice Benzo Omar Rodriguez and my man Jack Shipway and I really want to give a shout out to Denver for fucking coming out and supporting that meant the world to me guys they were great shows Lee went up on Saturday night how'd you feel Lee oh my god it was amazing that's awesome it was a it was just crazy being on the because I've heard about that stage for years and then oh yeah I know Rogan filmed the special there and it was just it was crazy it was it was a amazing experience that's awesome and then I was just because I know I'm very lucky with the audiences and going up in front of like the reaction I'm getting

isn't for what I'm saying necessarily yeah they're excited to see you though but you've earned that you know they're excited to see you yeah you got me in that club man the one out there thank you yeah she's a nice lady yeah they cool it's a great club yeah it's been there for fucking since I started and it was there 10 years before I started wow and she does a great job with the club if you look at the lineup when you're there it's a great variety you notice something differently this weekend why I noticed like the the the opener and the host change which is weird I've never seen that before did you notice

about the feature in the host they were all very good and diverse they were from the area and they were younger they were clean really she knows oh see people think that I want a guy in front of me cursing right she knows that already she understands that Wendy is a fucking genius where other people that's why you have to bring a feature or something you know there's just a bunch of clubs that you they pay you up with their favorites yeah because they're dirty and now the people here three comics saying fuck yeah it's a wrap when these are genius I didn't I don't want to do dirty shows right because I'm

the headline after ten comics going up there and being dirty yeah yeah it's a that's it yeah that's it so she's brilliant you didn't catch that no I didn't see them say fuck oh that's why the audiences were so good because she's brilliant she knows how to book a fucking room you burn them out before she puts heat in front of you yeah like that's one of the scariest rooms in the country because those guys got headliners that are in town that week wow like a lot of times you know when I was opening up down there like when I first started going down there you went down there on a Thursday oh you had a follow you had a

follow Todd Jordan Rick Kearns Laurie Callahan they were all headliners they're all hitters huh yeah hitters and you're going down there is that line and going dog I'm working double quick yeah I'm working I hated that man that was a but that puts you on the spot I mean I had weekends I had a weekend when Missouri one time was like fuck this feature is better than me and I got a step my game up you know he got busted for murder actually a few years ago though so he really did yeah but uh what's going on with your special cause what are you hearing what are you doing trying to get on Netflix was come out and see me in a

couple of weeks so we're trying to find a date right now to do that and if they you know if they're interested then I'll go from there and if not then maybe I'll make one myself you know we'll do something you know where I'm owning my own shit so you know I'm excited about that but you know I'm hopeful I'm right now I'm just trying to be hopeful and wake up each day and you work hard trying to be helpful yeah funny you're a sweet guy thanks you're forced yourself to the next level by getting clean it wasn't like you fell off the stage right it was something you recognize that needed to be done you know when I used to get high

dog I would go pee and I wouldn't look in the mirror yeah at the last oh wow I would not look at myself in the mirror because I was so ashamed of what I was doing and that's crazy I cannot I can tell you yeah I would not make eye contact with the fucking mirror game so you know I recently had a guest on here and I was under the impression that he was sober and at one point he went to the bathroom to the blast and I was really disappointed because I know as a comic you could get so far with drugs yeah but to take it to that level where you want to it's better to be conscious of your surroundings and know what's

going on you want to smoke a joint you want to drink on mannequin it's great but you're watching you're watching your audiences you're watching the people that are coming to the shows you're watching a thousand things yeah you don't really have time to get fucked up when you want to take it and this could be in any occupation yeah it's gonna work for a while it always does yeah it always starts off great it always starts off great yeah I'm grateful for Lee I'm grateful for my wife I'm grateful for my baby yeah I'm grateful for this fucking podcast I'm grateful for the people that come to the shows amen but

I gotta tell you something I'm grateful for not doing that shit no more at all I'm really grateful and I'm a loser I did it till I was 44 at least you stop 32 I was still I couldn't I could not imagine the day I would be clean and I saw the Ray Charles thing the movie Ray and I was like that motherfucking did her I can't do coke from 61 yeah that's scary coke from 61 where am I gonna go what are you gonna do so my biggest fear is yeah some chick with a nice nice butthole and a eight ball shows up and that's what fucking spins you out no no that's my biggest fear no you're gonna look at it and see if for what it is it's a

different playing field now and yeah see if what it is you know what man there's nothing in the fucking world I want to do and get an eight ball and stick it in Kate's ass all suck it out of there with a fucking stroke oh yeah Kate is as beautiful as they come and sexy as they come I know she's all in oh I'll suck my own dick if she'll watch what would I gain by I'd lose a friend yeah she's an ally what would I gain by it you know I'm saying if I'm gonna snort coke with anybody Kate would probably push me over the top if she let me snort a line off her asshole yeah I would be all in but at this point in the game I can't

go back I made a promise I made a man promise I didn't make a promise to a woman I didn't make a promise to my father they make a promise anybody I made a promise to the universe and they paid me back yeah it paid yeah that's what I think to my promise nobody had to watch me I didn't have to go to no meetings I have to do anything I made a promise to myself as a man that this is what we're doing from now on no exceptions yeah what happens who where when and that makes your life a lot easier listen that was my world wow snorting coke and eating pussy and getting dirty and coming on your face and your tits yeah

you suck in my balls and me putting it in your ass and then putting it in your mouth that was my world that that I'm gonna we do you know I don't have time to date I was not the dating type that was gonna take you out for four dates and then no yeah everybody I met was on a fucking win let's do this shit let's do blow and let's get fucking evil let's forget what happens stealing each other shit dude one night I remember being with this girl and this dude we're all in the same room and we all stole each other's fucking shit and so we're all sitting there with each other's like money pocketbook purse dude took a purse I

took dude's wallet she took my wallet right and all of us are fucking looking for our shit and also trying not to let the other person know that we stole their shit and finally it just became like fuck you fuck anybody huh fuck anybody dude we just eventually she said look I'm fucked up and I took this she got so high and then dudes like and I took this and then I had the fucking last piece his wallet and I set it out there and I'm like man we all stole each other shit this icy Mike who do you know what is people that you hang out with and shit stealing your wallet when you get my one that's what I'll tell you

the one more thing I'll tell you about icy Mike this dude so when acid came through our town we got a lot of bad acid you know I think we would get people would sell cuz sometimes acid comes through you don't know what it is you don't know who made it it's six it's six bucks it was six bucks for a hit you know you're gonna be out of you know you're gonna be out of it for out of it for you know 40 hours so this guy Mike got bad on some acid him and his buddy and then one time he his family ended up getting into like livestock you know dealing big animals nothing small horses heifer stuff like that and he had he

gave a bunch of like kind of no-dos or something to some of these animals because they would get him to shit more and so there was one time where he had like three animals all shit at the same time right what yeah again what does he want in a shit it was like a not a show but it was like a not a performance but you know I'm saying like let's watch them shit you know sure and and I went over there one time dude and everybody was eating acid and we probably watched we watched these cows shit for maybe 15 minutes straight like nothing you've ever seen man I don't think I want to see that to be honest yeah you say that

what did the poop look like coming out when you're on acid look like poop man but it was just almost seem magical that he get all three of them to do it at once you know and that's the kind of shit that took me to another level man dude we had this other girl one time Charlotte bigger girl biggest girl we knew so biggest girl we'd ever met and she ate some acid one time and got locked in this room and people kept kind of dripping kind of warm water on her all night right fucked up you know those are the things I miss cooked a pizza in a dryer once what up to you throw rocks at fucking invisible animals and shit in

the woods just you know fun man joy you're a crazy friend you're crazy looking for joy man but that's why that's why you're crazy as a comic and that's what makes you a good comic that's what makes you a good comic guys I miss it don't you're not missing anything yeah that's the thing I'm probably not missing anything right I've thought about the nights and times and I've said to myself well why you know why couldn't I have control like regular people and just do one line yeah you know what man nobody does one line and goes out you know it always ends bad it always gonna end back you know yeah

we'll take a Viking in one night with him you know you want to take his annex and that a boy manager you know that's probably gonna tan that it's gonna decrease that anxiety the edible gives you yeah but you know do I really need an oxycon in my fucking life do I need that shit at this point man those things don't even do nothing to me sometimes sometimes I need a Viking I get high sometimes I eat one they don't do dick it's you know yeah I'm pretty fucking safe with the reef I don't miss dick yeah I miss I don't have no regrets though I'll tell you that much at this point now I had a good time

man fucking it happened there's nothing I could do to take it back whether it's time whether it was anything bad I did or anything good I did there's nothing I could do to take it back that's it hmm yeah you peace with yourself at some point and you accept what the fuck you're gonna be and that was it like I said I'm very fortunate to even be in this fucking office sitting next to you and Lee I know that I never even considered Los Angeles when I started doing comedy Wow it wasn't even on my back New York only no no no I didn't even do comedy in New York at the comedy New York for nine months as an open

mic and I knew it wasn't for me hmm that was a torture chamber that was a torture chamber Colorado people just called you and put you on stage yeah you have to show up with ten people and sell tickets outside and no no no no that that's animals that's that's a different type of fucking world yeah I developed in a smaller market everybody knew each other people just called you and put you on stage you know you could just call people you know to show up with 20 people maybe the guy would say that's how to pass out 50 flies for me in the parking lot that was what you had to do you know and the guy would give you 25

that's fair yeah you know yeah when I came out here they made us like you had to get yeah I went to I did a couple of bringer shows and one time I had to pay to go yeah one time I had to pay to go on you know but I knew that I don't know I did know that I don't know I knew that I had a I came from a place where I had something to say that other people didn't have to say like that's the thing it gets me the most about coming I look around and I'm like half these motherfuckers don't even have a story like they just they don't have any they don't they're just they're they're writers you know half these guys are

writers you know and I like to watch somebody a show you know I like to watch somebody perform you know I like when I see something and I'm like oh that person has been through something that I want to know about because that's what makes me jealous like I want to be a little bit jealous when I'm watching somebody you know of their life even if the life was good or bad you know sometimes when I see somebody even in a struggle you know I'm like fuck I'm just I get jealous because like I want to be whatever that is that struggle whatever is if it looks so severe I want that you know I think that's something

like I'm in first time I met a friend when I was in first second grade and I really remember this this kid had a stutter this boy Douglas you know Douglas Hueval he had a stutter he stuttered and I remember when I met him I was like fuck man so jealous I wish I could stutter yeah he's different man what is look at this guy has man we all everybody I'd ever met up in that point in my life sounded the same and then Douglas had a stutter and I wanted to be him so I would impersonate him and then the teacher said well you so you put me in trouble you know so you're making fun of him I said I'm not me and

I try to explain my case but they wouldn't even fantasize it you know like we mean you're not making fun of them I'm like I'm not making fun of them I want I want I want that how do I get what he has you know I don't know I guess something if somebody has something different than me and I want to be able to experience you want to be different if it's real that you always want to be different I mean I think I hated just being myself most of the time I just hated being you know I just felt ashamed I just felt ashamed a lot I felt a shame that I felt uncared for and it just made me angry you know but I didn't

know those are the things that I was that was going on I just that's all I knew you know just knew that I was uncomfortable I always felt very still this day I'm very insecure about a lot of things you know but you push ahead you know and I think it helps with the comedy at times being so insecure it really does it that that rage gets released or yeah it's it's an interesting life when you commit to something and you you know comedy is not about being in a comfortable situation I never ever ever wanted to be a cookie cutter person I always knew that I didn't want to do what other people

doing yeah I didn't want that always I always felt like life was playing a trick on me for years like when I first started doing coke I didn't get high for the first year it wasn't till I started drinking with it but I started getting high mmm so for a year with a second son that live to me sucked like all these people come up to me oh my god we go home on Saturday we want Saturday I would go home and I'd be like no I would go to a baby like a girl with babies in my neighborhood oh yeah and everybody would go over there at 11 30 and they would all be giggling like little fucking idiots and I'd be sitting there

going I don't get this but are they playing the trick on me like is this I'm supposed to laugh at right like I'm supposed to like this fucking music because these 20 people in the room like it was terrible like I I kept seeing that over and over again when I was young and I'm like I'm never gonna fucking do that when I get older if I don't like something I'm gonna fucking say it you know like I don't know fucking say it I would see 20 people and I thought they'd be putting me on like I go to a concert and I knew the concert sucked the guy was off that night but there'd be 20 people that would say oh my god it was

tremendous I did not want to be one of those people at all at all like it bothered me and when I see them today it's the weirdest thing when I see those people I know they don't like me so for three or four minutes I feel really insecure about myself but then I realized I wouldn't want to hang out with them either right I wouldn't want to be in a room with them either like at a dinner party where they let's take a minute needs say we're thankful for yeah and some asshole gets up I'm thankful to be here with all you guys I want everybody says oh that's so sweet that's never been me yeah I don't want to do that shit

yeah just talk to me from the fucking heart don't talk to me at all yeah say what's up I was telling me for years I go why be like everybody else you know it's like this is a hot restaurant it's a hot breakfast spot it's eggs yeah it's eggs and bacon it's eggs and bacon and you want to go stand online because your friends say it's you know we take the label and you're all past eight at nine the morning I see 15 people standing online outside that's crazy and I feel horrible oh I feel like you don't have a fucking life you're waiting for fucking eggs and bacon the breakfast is that much better than that that's what you're

telling me yeah that you will stand on a fucking line nothing perturbedly wrong in that yeah we live with a generation that they want they can't wait to stand online oh my goodness I stood online for six hours really I think you're a fucking idiot yeah yeah never wasted six hours of your fucking life I go to a fucking restaurant they tell me 15 minutes I tell them to go fuck themselves I'm out I'm out of there yeah I'm out of there I'm not waiting not a fucking minute especially for eggs and bacon with potatoes and toast yeah that's basic eat that you know yeah somebody call it's a great break before they give you

something listen leave the funk alone I got the spot I got the spot I walked in there I ordered my foods ready and seven fucking minutes that's what I want I don't want to wait I don't want to see nobody it's like the griddle in Hollywood yeah fuck that oh and they got like a gay hit man out front yeah and if you're not yeah leave me fuck alone let me spray paint his hair on his I won't go to no whole diner but I'll go to that fucking Marie T anything I like yeah I ain't always I was there today where I came here Marie T yeah you should call me I would have gone over now that's funny bro they got the best breakfast in town

yeah girlfriend that yeah they just had smoothies over there today yeah I got there I got there late they got smoothies they got green tea they got a breakfast the fucking bacon and the potatoes that will rock your fucking world we'll rock your fucking work I'll go to a meeting something around more parking and we stop up there after more park that's the no what's the one on Monday or Clifton what's the one that's just a couple blocks away what's the cross-street at that place more parks for Riverside Riverside and more park yeah it's just it's a more part I did a movie years ago called I don't even know

about a true story about an a meeting that robbed the valley no two guys robbed the bank and then went into an a meeting and took everybody hostage until the cops came fuck that's awesome I was here to stay the one right here the popular one the most popular meeting in the valleys Monday night that's where all the oh I'm in it at one real people go supposedly there's a small place in studio city that's probably what it is then that's probably what it is it's a small little place in studio city I haven't been to an a meeting a long time I like I'm honest like listen to the stories man cuz it's real when you

hear somebody story in there and they're up it depends it depends yeah meetings if you go to a in Hollywood it's a fucking nightmare yeah and if guys have been in it for 20 years sometimes it's not where they have the tattoos of a in the diamond and they're hugging each other that's not for me leave me the fuck alone you I went to a meeting in Boulder went when I was in the halfway house I had a good meeting and I remember one day this fat fucking girl fucking cross-eyed got up and she's like my name is Marianne I'm an addict I just want to say that last week I was here and one of the men hugged me in a

different way and I just looked like a bullshit nobody wants to hug you or grab your ass knock it off you know people just go there that some of those meetings like really help but there's people go there for the wrong reasons yeah you know like I would notice some network yeah there's there's people especially here in LA yeah they go to AA for all the wrong reasons and there's something like if you go to LA if you go to LA it like if you go to a meeting let's say in Hoboken yeah and you go to an AA meeting in Newark big fucking difference you know I'm saying yeah the quality of people you're gonna see like

when I first got clean in 85 mm-hmm my teacher mr. T took me to an AA meeting mm-hmm oh my god I had never seen that like that before in my life fucking the worst coffee in the world worst coffee fucking you walked out of there and your clothes you took them off in the morning you could smell yeah your clothes from the cigarettes you have no idea what that's like Lisa yet popping that up in the morning putting your feet on the floor and your clothes are on the floor and you could smell the cigarette smoke yeah from your fucking clothes and those they ain't me you could smell people's poor choices man dude this is one place

that makes me feel sometimes like it reminds me of the environment of the neighborhood and the environment that I grew up in sometimes and that's all that fucking some of it's a business right like that plays over by that barbecue some of these are businesses now see yeah you're right that's great like it was an AA business it's in it's in a strip mall yeah yeah you go to that meetings all day and they work off donations but it's a business it's a good program it's a good program and they have a treasurer it's hard to steal you know cuz you're around a bunch of thieves you can't rob when they ain't

meeting it's a bunch of fuck that's a bunch of hate it man all the motherfuckers been stealing for years they see you coming a mile away the treasury that dude you know that's why they're in a you know that they've been stealing for 20 years let these people know where you're gonna be the next couple weeks yeah I will be in I'm in Tacoma coming up March 15th and 16th I'm in Tacoma at the Tacoma comedy club and then March 17th I'm in Spokane at the Spokane comedy club and then April 6th and 7th I'm in Tampa at the Attic at Rock Brothers Brewing and you can get those tickets at theovon.com slash tour to

your you're doing your thing to you man I'm proud of you man I appreciate it man I always hear good things that's all that matters that's you're on the path I mean I've seen it a thousand times they're just gonna make you work a little harder yeah that's it because you're you yeah they just gonna make you work a little harder cuz you're you just to test you just to see if you go back and do a pill or go back into a line yeah have a drink and as long as you stay away from that you always beat him you always got the ace in your pocket yeah that's what they want you to do they want to frustrate you if you go

get a drink yeah don't get frustrated and just know that you get on stage every night that's all you need to know as long as you're covered everything works out you know I'm saying like that's as long as you're covered everything works out you know Lee knows he did 12 spots two weeks ago Lee you've had a look on your face on that like you've had a shit you did two bonkers you're okay I'm fine you're all spotting shit yeah I'm listening we didn't go deep tonight it's cuz I'm dying here Wednesday Danny Brown's in town if he ain't working we're gonna eat 2,000 fucking 29,000 milligram buzz all we

might not even do a fucking podcast Wednesday I don't know when he could come back tomorrow we might do one just in case so prepare eat good tomorrow cuz if I get off work by five I always eat something with dairy in it before I come here cuz I know like I have to prepare I'll double up on the dairy eat a fucking ice cream off the concrete we're eating shit you haven't seen come on I'm going deep boy we're going deep you're gonna eat some fucking Guatemalan asshole boy I want to apologize to the people of Huntsville how to cancel because I'm taping I'm dying up here but I will reschedule the

only date I got on the books from March right now is Martin the next day I got is March 21st what is it February mm-hmm and my next date is March 21st in NYAC New York and the early show sold out with thinking of adding a late show it's a Wednesday so I'm not sure my flight's early so I'm not sure that's all I got going on I'm gonna sit here and keep right and keep trying to get it together see what happens with Netflix or the other people just hang out with my family April I got a couple gigs I got Santa Fe New Mexico at a casino nice me and Dean del Rey and I got a what the fuck Columbus with Kate Quigley I'm

taking him back to Columbus with me for 420 yeah so that'll be fun and shit like that and that's it people I want to thank Theo Vaughn I want to thank the Christ killer for coming to Denver and doing the sets he did a great job most people with a fucking shit their pants from the people the champ the fucking first time he went on stage Wendy goes I didn't know he did kind of the next thing you know he's the room blew up and I go now you see why I bring them she goes holy shit even the comics like holy shit so people love them happy that you went and got on stage and you didn't fall apart in your legs didn't fall

asleep like they do less time oh no I it was like a spot the second show was one of the fun the most fun five minutes ever had at my life that was crazy I've never experienced anything like that wow that's awesome to hear man even I could see your face light up when you say that's cool man oh it's a different feeling because when you guys are talking all I could then I'll be quick but all I could think about was like I just I didn't have people like I had a couple friends but I would do stuff that I saw cool people doing cuz I'm like maybe then they'll like me yeah I'll do that stuff so just to have people like

genuinely seem to like me and like it's not like three people it's like 300 screaming people it's a great it's a it's a if I feel bad saying it but it's a great feeling they're cheering for you man yeah no it's fun keep doing fucking comedy and put yourself in bad positions come to bully you know I got manager early I want you to put yourself in that position yeah you're very comfortable and you have to get on you gotta get uncomfortable dude your 30s that's it if you were a slave would you stay a slave or you try to escape absolutely no escape yeah okay so now you gotta see it gotta do it now put in

that work bro let me come with a good slave give these two people shots out and I'll get you out of here like I said in the beginning of the show are you hiring cuz posting your position to job sites and waiting and waiting and waiting for the right people to see it that's not the way to go all right you know there's a big challenge in finding great talent and how you went about it all right Zipracuda knew there was a smarter way so they built a platform that finds the right job candidates for you Zipracuda learns what you're looking for identifies the people with the right experience and invites them to

apply to your job these invitations have revolutionized how you find your next hire in fact 80% of employers who post a job on Zipracuda get a quality candidate through the site in just one day one day and Zipracuda doesn't stop there they even spotlight the strongest applications you receive so you never miss a great match the right candidates are out there and Zipracuda is how you find them do me a favor I don't care if you own a plumbing business I don't care if you clean toilets I don't care if you have a corporation listen businesses of all sizes trust Zipracuda for their hiring needs so right now today the

church you guys have businesses you want to hire you want to look for the best that's out there try Zipracuda for free that's right free free just go to Zipracuda.com slash church that's Zipracuda.com slash church again Zipracuda.com slash church this is the way to hire number two I want to thank Anik.com they've been my sponsors since day one in my family and the supplements are tremendous I love the protein shake I love the shroom tech immune the shroom tech sport I love all the products they put out listen I don't care whether you try them or not the alpha brain if you don't like it it's 100% money back

guarantee so if you don't like it you don't need we don't even want to back we'll send you the money back listen change your life go to Anik.com right now and press in church bam and get 10% off your first order delivered to your motherfucking house all right who does that nobody I want to thank my brother Theo Vaughn what is it Theo Vaughn.com praise God man yeah be at Theo Vaughn.com go to Theo Vaughn.com see what this kid this kid's a real fucking deal if you don't go see him now you're gonna pay a thousand dollars to see this kid eight fucking years so I go see him now so in five years you go see him and go this

I saw you on the Jodee I heard you on Jodee is and then I went to see you five years ago oh my god look what this is the guy you want to go see gang gang baby I'll eat your cousin's dick son son I love you motherfucker stay black have a great day and don't forget they all got to suck your dick at the end of the day amen do your thing Lee kick that fucking mule oh oh oh

oh oh oh oh oh oh