Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #574 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: April 9, 2018

Joey Diaz tells Lee Syatt why live music is going to start playing a more active roll in his life, why he thinks you should feel both good and bad about bombing, and his personal experience with crowd work. This podcast is brought to you by: FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear. Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 04/08/2018.
    

Greetings from podcastville the church of what's happening now is brought to you by fuji sports for geese rash guards mats whatever the fuck you need in your life fuji sports is there i just saw the mats up at joe rogan's gym they were tremendous and as far as the geese are concerned you know me bro i'm three bills people try to pull they tug and that fucking geese is still fucking tougher than that i don't care which one you get whether you get the lightweight ones the separitos the element they're the best geese out there like i said me i go with the separito but if you like it go to check out church and get 10% off fuji sports dot com check out church and get 10% off a beautiful geese deliver right to your home number two if you're

doing that geese you need some supplements that's where anna comes in motherfuckers whether it's the shroom tech sport or the shroom tech immune which lee doesn't take that's why he's got bronchitis every 90 fucking days you'll be tipped top magoo you eat some ass some alpha brain and who's better than you again on the way out check out on it and what are you pressing church ch u r ch and get 10% off and the goods get delivered right to your fucking house who's better than you kick this motherfucker meal league are you kidding me or what april night monday a little solo fucking shanker from the 80s there you go who's better than you

get your shit together motherfuckers it's monday morning no fucking around are you kidding me or what there you have it a little michael shank the old fucking school fee you got uncle joey you got my fucking sidekick the flying jew eating this little juke off drops he got like 10 bags for fucking two dollars at cvs you gotta get the deal gotta get the lootings you know i'm saying vicks they've been around even fucking jesus took vicks when he left the cave vicks vapor rub on your chest you do a couple bong hits you want to put some big vapor up on my chest for me not really i don't do that type of shit you got the wrong fucking guy go hang out with your little buddies over there

north hollywood where they got the movie screens the guys fucking i'm sure you'll find somebody erupt some vapor rub on your ass annual asshole and then they'll stick that dick in it and it's all over the shop that's old school phagotree when they put vaseline around there when they use vicks vapor rub and they stick their fucking dick in it that's called fucking uh the dick of debt i don't know fire dick i don't fucking know mint dick anyway it was a great week i want to thank dean del rape for putting me on the show at the abalone with nicky six and rudy sozo and the guy from anthrax and it was just uh a great time but i learned something that night number one i went up there and i rushed through my material but that's not what i learned i learned that the last

fucking three years i've been going through something i don't know what it is it's not a midlife crisis it's not something has been missing you know i've had it working out i try to you know get involved in my daughter's life and i got the podcast in the road but the other night when i was at that show something hit me that we had discussed in the podcast about a year and a half ago rudy and i didn't it's not that i didn't buy into it it's not i didn't think it was that important and that's the element of live music i've really listened man what we did growing up in north barrigan was go to concert at masses square garden when these guys call in the villa or fucking timmy the team stuff or these guys

we went to ever we were blessed to have the opportunity to go to a lot of shows man and i mean i went to see everybody from kenny rogers to the fucking iron maiden i didn't give a fuck and i would go and it wasn't something happened like in the mid 80s where i don't know i don't know what happened i became a criminal and i didn't think the live shows were that important anymore i mean i had friends that lived for that shit when the people i hang out with in snowmass when i first moved to snowmass you worked monday through friday and saturday morning in the middle of the night you left for colorado springs or denver or you know ford collins and you'd catch a band live you know these guys travel and i think i did it one or two times but i just

you know i worked hard i didn't have i couldn't afford that shit no more it was either between the blow and rent or fucking go into the springs and watching a band and these guys like 19 of them lived in the two bedroom apartment and they had moved to colorado just a ski you know and they all had two jobs they all worked on the mountain in the day time so they got a free ski pass and then they all worked at restaurants or bartending or security at hotels or at hotels at night all of them so they were all there and it was the weirdest thing 19 people in a two bedroom sleeping bags everywhere you know uh guys everywhere they had like three girls that lived there from minneapolis they were all from mancado minnesota and it was just

interesting how these guys lived there and they partied during the week if you went up there any night any night of the week you could find somebody awake in a corner fucking smoking weed it was the weirdest fucking apartment i ever saw nobody cooked there it was clean it was spotless but it was 19 guys living up there in three rooms basically just because they wanted to party though the rest of the time well they figured out the time rent was cheap as it was this is 83 84 got it and they wanted to get the most out of life and they felt that their home living didn't really matter so that's what they fucking did but anyway well i was at that show that night i did the show and then what dean did was he had everybody switch up so one song it would be

anthrax and uh this other guy and the drummer from the black crows and then the next three songs would be marrying we'll have to congratulate did a fucking great job on the guitar on down payment blues they they they did a little on the edgy side edgy aside but what was really weird was dean delray how much i thought about dean since that night you know every fucking day i wake up to six or seven messages on facebook and i answer them you know as much as i can but out of those six or seven messages it's three guys who would think they're pulling the wool over my eyes you know they want this they ask for that they want this you know you have to understand that i'm out there at night i have my ear to the grind like everybody else is who's a comic and when i don't hear your name

and i hear you making requests and stuff like that you're cutting corners in my world and there's nothing that bothers me more than guys that think they can cut corners on my expense i'm the type of guy that if i see your hustling i will give you any opportunity or do anything for you in the world but if i don't know you and i don't know if you're hustling i don't know what the fuck you're doing and you just hit me up demanding stuff that's not right you know i have friends here de agostino cake quigley fucking lee i got 10 guys that i know that are close to me that are out seven nights a week week after week you know i see them tweeting i see them facebooking i see them replying to messages i see these people working you know they have a podcast they're always on time with

their podcast and these guys aren't selling out arenas and you don't know them and you don't need to know them the most important thing is that they're working they work constantly listen yesterday we got off we got on the car picked me and dean up at 4 15 in the fucking morning we basically went to bed at fucking 12 30 we both got on the plane i fell asleep for an hour i don't even remember falling asleep i got up i went home i picked up my daughter and my wife went out to breakfast and then i went home and i had to fall asleep for a few hours i got up i had to do paperwork i had to answer a bunch of email shit like that in the two days that i was gone i had a prep this week and then you know i just stayed in with the family last night that went

out with mercy yesterday in the afternoon we were frozen yogurt and we stopped at this other place today i took a crypto therapy with me she watched me froze she took pictures she couldn't believe there was snow in there so not dean dean was fucking waking up he was getting home to go home to take a nap to wake up to go do two fucking spots last night and tonight he's got three fucking spots you know dean isn't a name dean isn't something but dean don't stop he moved to hollywood so he could walk to the clubs so he could have easier access to the clubs so he could do spots every month you know i see dean went if you went to this show i applauded with you but you also saw what dean put together he put together great comedy and he put together a great band all by

himself he didn't bother anybody he didn't fucking you know he asked him outright and i respect that that gets my respect in a huge way because there's so many people who are confused that you think that you're going to take a shortcut your life is going to change and guess what i used to be the same too and i got burnt three or four times and i stopped shortcutting i realized that the main goal of a comedian is to be the funniest person he could be when i came out here i booked a pilot and i booked a big time commercial but one night i got my life fucking i got the shit kicked out of me at the improv in between nick the nick the polo and doug stannell and i'll never believe that that night i remember wanting to leave in the middle of the night just to disappear on the road

to become a better comic like i took any gig i could for two years on the road from 98 to 2001 i did every shit fucking gig haul i could because i knew the payoff was gonna be funny it wasn't about the movies it wasn't about the tv and that's what i see the biggest fault in this town is with comedians that they do comedy for five or six years they kind of get good on it doesn't get a show and they stop doing comedy the show ends now they can't get work and they want to fall back on comedy but they're six years behind because they never thought about comedy those six years you always continue getting on stage i always knew that no matter what if i kept getting on stage i'd eventually be funny that's the fucking final result of it the more you get on stage and put

yourself in uncomfortable situations the funny you'll become you know kate went to new york jersey the stress factory and tonight she's in helium that's like one of the toughest fucking clubs that's philadelphia where you have to bring it and you know what people bitch about cape but let me tell you something and i'm gonna tell you how people bitch about kate that my wife went out one night with felicia to a comedy club and a comic said something to my wife and my wife came home and said like what and i go listen to me i go for every woman that cries about they're not getting spots or the comedy store doesn't give them spots there's 20 sarah tianas and kate quigley's and ester coups that are out every night fucking fighting when you see him they're not bitching at

all about anything they're just telling you that they came from doing two spots and they came to the comedy store to see if they could get on such and such as belly room show they're not complaining to me at all i give those women fucking tons of credit it's the women that come up to me and go i can't believe you're still doing spots at the store because they don't give spots to women let me tell you something missy show was a woman missy show gave out fucking spots to women every night if i saw the schedules from when i first started i still haven't met the fucking house i got 20 schedules from when i started but when all this shit started talking people women started talking about the store i went back and looked at those schedules it was always the same three women a night two women

a night that's sitting there going it was like whatever that's why i gave i give kate quigley and sarah tiana and the women i put on my podcast the respect that i do because when i see them they're not looking for a handout they're out there fucking banging it out and that's the most important thing to me in the fucking world when i see you so before you come up on facebook and say to me hey man can you do this or can i do that or can i i don't even fucking know you i don't even know you how can you do something like that and put me in that type of position and then if i say no i'm supposed to feel like a fucking bad person that's not right to me either and even if you didn't know them you can't eat that's not enough to put you on listen i know a thousand people

who i can put on this fucking podcast that are out there working hard every day i think about those people constantly because i want to put them on when i can get the most out of them do you understand what i'm trying to say to you i want to get them on before something that they're doing is blowing up or they're in the process of blowing up i could put certain comics on here every fucking day if i wanted to but what's the use they're not on twitter they're not on facebook they're not hustling it's a waste of a fucking guest because whatever they're saying is bullshit they're just trying to fucking get on here because they think it's a one hit pony the way people think that if you get on rogan one time your life is going to change no it's how you act during rogan after

rogan that makes a decision whatever product you're selling or whatever proof or whatever point you're trying to prove or whatever album you're trying to sell that's what you get the opportunity on rogan but most people think oh wow i just go on some of these podcasts and my life will fucking change that's a horrible way of looking at things when i was coming up it was a view on unleadiment or leno your life would fucking change i never fucking emailed them i knew i'd never get on those shows because i'm not cbs for fucking NBC friend i don't know if it's related but it seems like since i've started i see what other young comics are doing and i've heard like advice you give me like similarly like don't go to the store the improv of the left factory until

they ask you to go there is it like because you don't want like it it's the same thing if they came on here or another podcast they're there but they might they might not be really ready for even no matter how much you like them well always remember when you go to those big clubs they remember you when you first start and that's the memory they have of you in their head right that's why so many comics are pissed off locally because they'll start let me just say i'll just say a city like michigan and once the hottest club in michigan don't like them they have to adjust their game they have to leave and they will go ask for years jesus christ that's my own backyard and they won't give me a fucking mc spot because they still remember the night you went in there

and ate a bag of dicks and then you disappeared and you might be a bit a little better now and even though they hear about you and stuff you weren't part of that clique so you get fucking dick so it's better i think that's a good way i mean but like on the other side of it though if you'd never ask or if you're not being assertive how do you get into places or how do you get on the podcast honest to god they hear about you people talk lee i hear names every other fucking day by accident lee by accident i've been to somebody in 7-11 and they'll say they went to the store the other night and they fucking love the old one that they couldn't believe the old was so fucking funny right yeah or Jesus fucking trejo i hear his name or you know when you hear

these people you hear about them you hear that they're making a wave they're doing something they went on some of these podcasts and she shaved a pussy on the podcast they did something that was true that's not i could see through what the motion is there's people who think they're doing things and they don't know that what they're trying to do we see it we were there we were at your level when we were desperate also i was desperate many a fucking time but that doesn't mean i'm gonna call ben afleck's mother when i do a one woman when i do a one-man show in boston to get ben afleck to show up on my show i know a guy who did that that's yeah that's it's when you say it sounds crazy but then i don't know i feel bad for these people sometimes

like i feel bad like how do you maybe you just feel like you're taking a shot well at some point like rudy has said on this podcast before one of his first visits on this podcast rudy sarsall spoke about a thin line between musicians and mental health same thing goes with comedians same thing goes with fucking comedians it's a thin fucking line you've seen it there's nights you and i have gone out high the comedy clubs way before you even screamed of doing an open mic yeah and i would go what's the matter and you go that comedian creeps me out that comedian creeps me out that comedian creeps me out don't tell me you remember don't make me say fucking names oh yeah absolutely you had a couple guys that you you you would get high and they would drive you

fucking insane they start running material or yeah oh it's crazy and they don't know that you you know i'm saying like you i'm in the business not gonna smart enough to fuck up and it's not their fault it's not their fault you know i probably did the same fucking thing but then you learn that you have to work from strength not from weakness that's a really weird sentence you have to work from your strength for years until about four years ago when the word got out i would get let's pretend they're in my space in the beginning of facebook i would get hey joey how are you big fan of the fucking podcast

we have a proposal for you for you and joe rogan to come do my fucking christmas party you know that makes me feel bad because you really don't want me you really want joe rogan but you just don't he's not replying to your stupid fucking emails right he thinks he's gonna go down the line so the word got out over the years that nobody plays that shit so this type of email stopped really yeah yeah nobody we don't play there's no reason to play don't play unless you come direct to me with something don't come to me for joe i used to torment people i would love when people would fucking actually call me and say can you have joe's number like oh yeah sure grab a hand and they'd grab the pen i'd give them a minute like all right and i go here it is ca and i would

give them like whatever the agency number is and they would just be quiet on the other end they would just silence because they thought they were gonna get a fucking handout and i just drew them to the wolf i threw them directly to the wolf and they don't even have the balls to say no no no do you have his number and i'm gonna go listen the best advice for you to have is to call the agency you call him personally he's gonna come over and stab you in the lung you'll be walking around like leave with bronchitis for a month i'm surprised you didn't like find a place named like rogan's hardware and give them that number or something just a message just left like a fake number like because then like i can't i can't imagine it went on for years i would wake up to messages

from people how much they fucking love me but can i come work can i bring rogan with me and and they throw some figure at us like some number and i'm supposed to call joe and tell him i wouldn't even have the heart to say something like that i wouldn't even have the heart to say something but for you is me and are we do you remember the guy in san jose he was gonna do a a reality show with that squad and he finally settled with a little asterisk and sam trippley and then sam trippley started calling me and telling me the guy's real the guy couldn't be real of his life dependent on it he just wanted to do get joe rogan on this stupid fucking podcast or something would you guys get like emails like the same day like no we would get what happened was

trippley told me about the guy and right there i knew the guy just went down the totem pole he went from rogan he couldn't get a hold of rogan he got he went through harry harry told him to go fuck myself he went through me i told him i wasn't interested then they go to the dunking then they go to red band and red band seems a little interested but he won't throw joe rogan under the bus he knows better so he's kind of lost in it because without rogan they don't want red you know what i'm saying like you really feel shitty you really get to understand what people want yeah they don't want you they don't want you they want rogan they don't want you they just put smoke up your ass to try to put a reality show together or whatever mind fuck they put in their

mind i've gotten some of those even even before the podcast i worked on hell's kitchen once and this girl that i went to high school with was a chef and she wanted me to introduce her to gordon i was i was an assistant editor i never met gordon ramsey but people think i don't know it just it kind of does make you sad it makes you sad and then when you realize when they realize that they can't get nothing from you then there's no more conversation that makes you even sadder you go wow that's all you were about you know that's all you were about you said something to me uh last week you said like anyone who texts me happy easter like i like you like donnie i wish they wouldn't even text me like you you can see that that's all

they're doing it for yeah no no no you want to text somebody happy easter go fuck yourself if you're not gonna pick up the fucking phone why are you texting me happy fucking easter for it's the weirdest thing when people text you mary christmas and especially when it's like a group text you're like really you're fucking lazy sack of shit that's what burns me up about that stuff but no uh you know when you you go through all these levels as a comic and even now with the podcast it's it's hilarious how when i'm gonna go to a town i'll get three emails from people to do a podcast that i don't fucking know like so you want me to get in the car with a guy that i don't fucking know if he just smoked meth to go to somebody's basement to do a podcast because

you're gonna get me high wow why am i so fucking lucky how was i blessed to get this fucking gift like do you are you fucking serious do you really think i get in a strange this fucking car and go to somebody i'm never even heard of would you do what do you do though maybe not a podcast but would you get in this drinkers no no no no no no no no no they work at the club they say no somebody was selling blow yeah i'm getting that fucking car but to do a podcast i don't know you i don't know you i don't know your fucking podcast i don't know i don't know who you are what do you expect from me if i don't know who you are what do you expect from me i don't i don't i think these people maybe they think that they that they do know you because

of the podcast or maybe they just think they're a good person like that's what i think something really weird happened in albuquerque that was brilliant that's the first time well it's happened before it's happened in different cities before a guy yelled he made a u-turn he pulled over he pulled up next to me and i went up to the car and said hello and i talked to him for a couple minutes he told me his name was Esteban and i could just tell the guy had a good heart he wasn't talking about podcasts he wasn't talking about anything he was just talking about humanity and he listens to this podcast and that podcast and he showed me weed like to be to show me he was real he flipped this fucking badge of weed

and he goes i'm real and i go you know what take me to eat some mexican food and we drove for like 10 minutes and we talked about the city and he showed me this and he showed me that and we went we got some mexican food and it was one of the best days of my fucking life i gotta be honest with you because yeah he knew who i was from the podcast but b he didn't want anything from me he just wanted my friendship and i could tell just in the fucking beginning that that's it and that's a gift that a lot of people don't get to see that really he just wanted my friendship we went to lunch lunch was fucking delicious we got back in the car he rolled another joint we made a periscope so they drove me back to the hotel like nothing i couldn't see him the

next day because i went to winkel john we were gonna get together and go to a different fucking mexican food place but i went to winkel john's and i was fucking wiped out i wanted to give a good thanks to uh the winkel john and my man greg jackson for taking care of me the guy with the mitts their podcast i mean what a great time i had i met a porto rican kid there was a fighter there they have dorms there it was just a real honor to go in there and just hit the mitts for three fucking rounds because i could not breathe in that altitude at all i hit the mitts i threw some kicks greg jackson throw taught me how to throw some elbows and shit and that was sensational just to see what that gym's all about they got everything there i don't think it's open to the public it's

just open to amateur fighters and real fighters you know that they have dormitories they leave they have apartments there i mean it's the fucking coolest place you have but they have two doctors on duty there that work on you after you fucking hurt yourself and shit it's kind of it's kind of like going to college it's it's tremendous it's like the comedy store of fighting and you're training there with greg jackson like i looked at their schedule like all right they contacted me and said if i would do the podcast and i was like fuck yeah i'll do the podcast and when i did the podcast i'm gonna go whoa imagine i'll go there and do a kickboxing class so i looked at the schedule and they had a class at 10 o'clock but it wasn't no kickboxing class it was a grounding pound class

and i'm like listen not for nothing i'm 55 years old i like to go in there and throw a couple kicks for jesus jump on top of the box a couple kettlebells i'll do the circuit training i'll kick the shit out of the bag i'll punch the shit out there's no grounding pound but there's no grounding pound on uncle joey's life i don't want to be on top but i don't want to be on but i don't want to be anywhere in that fucking position whatever no i don't want to be the ref i don't want to know nothing they're like no it's beginners and some of the fighters no no no no no no i'm 55 i bend over the punch i might not bend back i got three fucking shows sold out and fucking out of the character i can't be grounded and fucking pounded what are you crazy that's where people go crazy

take the actors and shit and hollywood people they go to these gyms and they start fucking boxing and i've seen these actors like a just unfortunate gym that they would go down there guys you wouldn't believe it up to six weeks all sudden they're fucking Muhammad Ali their shadow boxing they're hitting the mits and they're looking at boxers they're real boxers like medicine like look at me i'm an actor i'll fuck you up and just unfortunate that motherfucker god bless him so every once in a while he listens to the actor he'll go okay i'll set something up for you for thursday at nine o'clock the actor walks in there thinking he's fucking gonna do anything and next thing you know the actor gets blasted and i had twice with them that with the head

guard on and it's all over good night the guy's like jesus christ i've never been hit that hard because hitting pads or you're training and kicking the bag is completely different than trying to be fucking joey mozzie you follow me my joey mozzie days are fucking over well it's kind of crazy like even going like going back to this like people with people ask you in this town i just had my head shots done and troi conrad made me feel like i was a male model so i can't imagine being an actor or being someone who's has a little heat behind them and everything that they everyone that everyone sees is oh you're amazing well first off when those actors get sent to a trainer like that they're getting paid four hundred five hundred bucks an hour for four hundred

five bucks an hourly i'll tell you you look like on the schwarzer you understand me for nickle an hourly i'll tell you whatever the fuck you want to hear i've never seen anyone like this you know and everybody gotta remember that some of those trainers listen to you so some of those hollywood trainers basically listen to you you're giving them a nickle the first 15 minutes you're stretching really oh help me stretch and then the next 15 minutes maybe you fucking lift some weights and then 10 minutes you get a phone call from your agent that you absolutely positively have to take and then you do something some bullshit fucking total raises for 10 minutes and i get to nickle an owl but there's people like brad pit there's real actors that take trainers

keanu reeves and they fucking they work five hours a day you know they do everything pyro metrics they're jumping on fucking boxes they're weightlifting they're doing kettlebells they're strength training they're getting military you know tom cruise those guys are all fucking in you give tom cruise a roll watching me even at tom hatchet whatever that fucking yeah well they're getting 20 million yeah so you gotta put 10 to 6 7 8 weeks of preparation into it maybe three months why not if you're gonna make give me 20 million for a fucking move at the end listen to me whether you're getting 20 million or whether you're getting scale for the day if you get that job you still gotta do the homework but it doesn't vary like if you got a job for scale would you lose

50 pounds like would you gain 20 pounds if the roll called for it and i felt it was worth it i would do whatever i can first off i'm not one of those actors they wouldn't come to me one of those method fucking movies you know i'm saying like that they know who's an actor i'm a ham and anger i'm not an actor i just figured out how to play myself and it's cute and i do it like i'm shooting tomorrow i'm shooting the gregg garcia show the guest book the guest book thank god he gave me a little roll and like i'm shooting tomorrow i'm no fucking pro i've read the scene 20 times and even though it's just a few lines you know i had to get high and look at the scene and break it down and see if i could stretch a line out you know i'm a pro but i'm still a

ham and anger as an actor i'm not gonna lie don't know about the entire well i went to acting class for six weeks and i fucking know i went to acting class for like eight weeks i went to like three different teachers but i finally realized that the best acting i was doing was on stage it sharpened up my fucking my timing acting is timing and timing is everything stand up is timing so your acting class has helped your stand up they all helped everything they all helped everything but what happened is now when i go to an acting class i just get bored i'm not gonna lie to you i can't see paying three bills for the amount of acting that i do per month to hang out with people very seldom when i go to those acting classes can i rock and roll with people

they can't rock and roll with me in the scenes i already been in big time scenes and these are the young star of yeah i already been in big time scenes g don't have like a i don't even know what you call it i'm already intimidated by melissa leo i've been intimidated by fucking adam sandler i've been intimidated by robert deniro i've been intimidated by a ton of fucking people you know from dean kane to to to fucking then i've been intimidated by a lot of people you're not gonna intimidate me bro i was in a room with james coburn you know how intimidated what i was but after the first line i started making eye contact and that's what acting's all about because you have to let him know you're in the fucking room too cocksucker

but it has to transcend through your eyes your eyes are everything that's why before you go into an audition they always tell you to think of the moment before what the character you think what the character was doing with the moment before your imagination tells you what before he comes in here to shoot you in the fucking head was he outside doing jumping jacks was he in his car saying goodbye to his daughter was he you know what i'm saying so as you're walking up the stairs what's your thought you have to go there when you go into an audition with a scene and i'm just using that as a it could be you walking into a room to fire somebody it could be a thousand different things do you think you're better at even like just we're gonna break down acting do you

think you're better at improvising than like a trained actor is just because of your stand-up like i think okay let's be honest here i always say that i've been doing comedy since 1991 i didn't really focus on the writing and the whole art aspect of it till 93 so in reality on paper my first two years of comedy were garbage but there was something else i learned those two years why they're not garbage why i have to count because i was a house mc at the broker in boulder and i mc'd there every week for $50 a week and i bombed pretty much every fucking week so i gave up on material and i became an improviser and at that time i started doing comedy at a black club called club mix off east cofax black night on sunday nights you had an

improvisely so not i improvised till 1997 it got less and less because down in LA you can't improvise when there's agents in the room you start talking to the audience and trying to be cute there's no more nothing but i mean now i don't know if you improvise but you're you'll have no no no no i improvise on stage every fucking show there's a line that'll come out whether you like it or not that there's improvised material because when i started as a comic the first six months i believed that i could be a writer but i bailed on it and so what i would do is get one hook to go into a show and then i i rested on my laurels of improvising so my show became 50 50 so let's say you called me up and said joey i got a show for you you got to do 30 even though i

know i have 30 i got 18 but i'm gonna improvise for 12 and pray to god that it all works out and how often will it work out though not too many not too many it's a long time to improvise that's 12 minutes of improvising so but guess what lee one out of every five shows i hit a home run out of the park with the improvising and that would convince you to stick with it and that would convince me to stick with it i went to seattle in 95 and i still because i went to new york for nine months and then in new york people come out and go how you doing my name is lee i had a fucked up date today what do you do sir you're a bus driver you like being a bus driver so that's new york humor so when i went to new york i fell into more of that fucking stupidity humor where

you talk to the audience when i got to seattle in 95 i still had that stupidity humor that i'd talk to in the audience once one thing's got dangerous i got into a mode where i would go into improvising into the audience and sometimes dean uh dean uh sometimes lee it was fucking phenomenal but sometimes it was just got awful would you do that at open mics too i'd do it everywhere i thought in the back of my mind i was fucking johnny improvised for a long time and it got me nowhere but it did get me material i was gonna say and it did teach me how to take chances so if you if you improvised and found something you liked you'd write it down at the end of the night fuck yeah okay but what i mean improvising also is talking to the audience

crowd work crowd work crowd work is a bad habit if you're doing it right now god bless you i'm not putting you down at all but i never liked crowd work and i did it and i did it well but again it was 50 50 so here i was going on stage with the set people so let's say i let's pretend that i had 15 minutes i would have three minutes some material and i would improvise for three and that didn't work i bailed out on the fucking talking to the audience and eat shit constantly it seems like a very like a like a coin toss like because you don't know if they're gonna say something this is what i'm saying to you i haven't even tried to get this is what i'm saying to you and that you do that so much that your life sucks

i mean there's after a year your life really sucks why does it suck because you're not getting nowhere and you know you're not getting nowhere because you're scared to actually sit down and use your fucking pen this is how it was for me i refused to sit down and use my pen then in 96 in Seattle something came over me and i started making notes while i was driving and that was pretty effective notes while i was driving just little notes so again i would come up with it up about a joke about lee i come up with a joke about king kong i come up with a joke about a song i mean there was no particular order and i would go up on stage with those two lines which were funny 50 percent of the time 60 percent of the time but the rest of it you know i'll give you an example

when you drive from seattle or yackamon washington yackamon washington is considered the palm springs of washington okay okay i had a gig there one night and i walk into the fucking hotel room i locked the door i put my luggage down i'm happy as shit it's a nice hotel when i look in the bed it's one of those beds that if you put a quarter in it it shakes i didn't even saw one of those yeah this is how young you are like guys in the 70s and 60s when you checked into a hotel room you could put quarters in the fucking head frame and the bed would rattle and it was like a it was like a mini massage that's what it was yeah it was a sex thing oh my god maybe even a sex thing i don't know i was too fucking young i saw it in dumb and dumber that's the only place but i went to

this hotel in yackamon washington i fucking uh put the you know i looked at this bed and i was like holy shit i go let me try it i put the fucking quarter in i put the i put the first quarter and it didn't work and i banged it a couple times and you know me being me i put the second quarter and i banged it and finally it started fucking shaking and it just made fucking noise like you know like i was i don't know what i weighed i probably was 250 at the time 240 it was like you with the zipline it was just too much and the thing kept making noises and finally it fucked up so that night i remember going up on stage i was laughing my ass off because i was hot and when i went up on stage and i fucking uh said you know it's great to be in yackamon

uh i went to my hotel room it was a massage bed i put a quarter in it i woke up with a thumb in my ass like something stupidly all because the palm spring i i that's how bad i was people that's what i'm trying to say to you i had no joke writing skills but i had a way of saying something that i would hook on to something and if god was smiling on me i'd have three tags and then eventually i would add for years i did that palm spring joke i forget it now i'm not saying it right something happens i put a quarter in there and i had a thumb up my ass that's the palm spring of washington i don't know bro we all go through a lot of suffering please forgive me for that joke but that's just to let you know i was no fucking Picasso and you gotta stay with it you know

what's that where's my man at and you have to finish your uh what do you start at the beginning why live music is so important thank you pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart oh shit somebody twice as smart as i i somebody who will swear to be juice as you used to do with me who'll leave you to learn that misery loves company

wait and see i mean i want to be around for years i had to follow paul mooney on midnight when i was in the seven-year market comedy i became a regular at the comedy store and she would put me on four nights a week at 12 45 to one o'clock to 115 and it was healthy you were going up for four people you couldn't believe you were finally at the comedy store but you didn't get the the meat potatoes of the audience every night and then she started liking me met she sure i was always around when she was around she'd watch me and she'd giggle i was always down there on sunday nights i drove the van by the way happy 46th anniversary to the comedy store without you i'd have no fucking nothing i'd be in prison right now

so thank god the comedy store opened i was blessed to be in a part of it uh since 1990 fucking seven man i'm really lucky that they made me a regular because league nothing else would have made me stay here that was the only thing that they think so you would have left yeah because i jesus christ it's a dream to be a regular at the comedy store never mind to be inducted by fucking mitzi sure that means something that's that's always meant something to me yeah a lot of things happened in my life but that's always meant something to me i was a regular after two fucking auditions man even joe rogan had to be a fucking unpaid regular for a while guys she made me a regular right off the bat two fucking show showcases so for all the bad shit that happened

all the bombings i took all those years it paid off because when i walked in there i had the 10 minutes i needed that would 10 minutes when i moved from when i left seattle in 97 i was starting to get it i wasn't talking to the audience because i had come to LA and i had looked around a few times and i was given the tour and the advice if you come down here and knock it off with talking to people that's the biggest fucking foot in your mouth here interesting is that's the only is that still the case you know what i would i would still perfect to it because i don't want to get that bad habit there's bad habits and things that you do whether we speak it happens for me i always go uh do you see what i'm saying or whatever the fuck stupid sling i say at the end of my sentences

that's a bad habit when i was a kid i used to rebound instead of going up with the rebound i dribble the ball it was such a bad habit that the fucking coach told me every time you do it 25 push-ups and 20 fucking sprints it took me fucking two months to stop doing it there's little things that we do the bad habits and then they become you know biting your nails and snorting cope you know they become bad fucking habits but that you have to fucking correct and for you to get better in your field you know i'm saying whatever field that you want to excel at i want you not me want whatever i want you to bury yourself from time to time when it doesn't matter and work yourself out of the hole on purpose it's hard down because i'm only doing five minutes most of the time

that's it i want to i want to do great so what you want to do is you want to go up there with a topic right and remember because you and your house writing is completely different when you have 20 eyeballs staring at you exactly you follow me me telling you to give me your money like this and me telling you with a 45 bazooka in my fucking hand watch how quick you'll give me your wallet correct or not correct absolutely so it applies the same to writing comedy sometimes sometimes it's good to go on a limb up there just to test your mind and you may come up with a fucking jet that changes the whole thing that came out because it was supposed to be there you said it it came out from inside you under pressure well it is weird because one of the worst

sets i had ever was earlier this week before i went up and did sam's triplet room because i was trying to go through like a set list beat by beat and not and just remember like memorize it rather than just do it and it was i had more of an improvised show i mean i was still doing the material that i'd written but i wasn't doing i was i wasn't all right abcd and it was weird that the more i try to control it the worse it goes sometimes well here you go and this material and this this podcast doesn't apply to just comedians this applies to salesmen this applies to attorneys this applies to anybody that we make a living in a weird weird sort of way you have to experiment guys play the fucking simple yeah and you gotta learn what works for you but guess

who pushes you in your career it's not your boss it's not your mom because you know you're the first generation immigrant it's gotta be you so sometimes you have to put yourself in an awkward position you know i may have to do something tomorrow or 10 in the morning right never college college what do you think what do you think you go to college for to teach you how to cram you think they want to teach you how to cram cramming is something that if you get good at in your life and you know how to handle your life will be great because you know what cramming is doing all once lacking of organization right it doesn't take till your third semester in high school or your sophomore year i got it my eighth grade year went after i got left back hello it was too

fucking late so basically you go to a fucking class you take notes you listen to the teacher okay you do the assignments and every week if you knew this going in you would go over the material wouldn't you lay yeah every friday and saturday instead of dicking around for an hour watching tv and hanging out with your friends if you went over that material on saturday and sunday when the quarterlies came it would be a lot easier for you you didn't have to go back and start from scratch like i'm i'm a lookalier and study all over again but you but it took me years it took me getting left back to figure that like that well guess what the same thing works for comedy cramming is comedy sometimes joey what the fuck are you talking about cramming sometimes

is going on stage yourself and pushing yourself to the limit forcing yourself to do something taking a chance you know what i don't want to do this tonight at the fourth wall i'm gonna go to this 11 o'clock and make my life a nightmare from time to time i want you to go to a bar that you know they're not gonna laugh at you i want you to have that bar and share a shit even if they throw a bottle at you because you're not funny i want you to make sure you go back there the next week because that's the essence of anything is to no matter what happens you have to overcome it mentally and it takes a lot would stand up and musicians and you know we're not going to be perfect that's hard to get over though like i'm not one thing i do great every

time but i'm disappointed when i don't and i absolutely disappointed and you know what you should be but you shouldn't be how's that for you is that the most fucked up feeling in the world that you should be but you shouldn't be you're like what the fuck are you saying ritardo you should be sad that you bombed but you should be proud that you went up and that pride is what takes you into that next set that next set is the crucial one because if there's a god above right and everything works out guess what's gonna happen you're gonna do well you're gonna bomb again no i can't have that yeah oh yeah but this happens with tests this happens with sales proposals this happens in construction when you put bins in

you're gonna bomb again oh yeah absolutely and guess what if there's a god above and you catch the five o'clock what's the pizza place you go to mom pizza let's say you go to mom pizza you do the five o'clock guess what you'll probably eat a bag of dicks again but now you'll get so frustrated that you go to the fourth wall you'll look over your paperwork you'll make modifications you've listened to all your tapes because i know you tape all your sets and you'll switch it around and you figure it out and then once you figure it out and you take a chance that's when you get the rewards that's when now the next three sets are brilliant because you changed it around you renovated yourself you got it in the arts you got to keep reinventing yourself

if that's not even a fucking questionable thing that's a that's constantly i'm not i don't live stressed out i don't live uh you know like with a gun to my head and i it's hard for me to write materially by the way your tag is really working on that bit about sucking dick out in the stars lee's a great bit lee could take a bit and really add to it that's his gift right now he and he also has great ideas like the night i heard him tell the story listen this is what america wants to hear lee already at level one was telling you what america wants to hear on the tonight show that you know what you really love your parents but there's sometimes you don't want to answer the fucking phone you know that's number one jesus christ i don't have parents but i know

how people feel because i'm like your parent when i get your number i call you like your parent and you must go this motherfucker this fucking guy's got to call me at two in the morning you know i'm saying and then he told the joke about picking up his father at the airport like come on people you're living wherever the fuck you live and you got no problems you got kids and now you have to pick your dad up at the fucking airport yeah you're happy to see dad but then he gets in the car and he gives you an e beat and he tells you about your life and right away you do want to make a u turn and take him right back to the fucking airport those two things really made me laugh he got rid of him he got rid of him because he got smarter than that he should take those two

jokes and ride them till somebody tells conan that he says those two jokes there's a little jew kid that says every time his mom calls him that he's got to fucking look at the phone and go what now you know i'm saying like i don't know what you said it was so honest and it was true but guess what happened you started writing jokes yeah you see if you learn every day i haven't done those for a while you think i don't pay attention i pay attention to fucking everything and when i go to those fucking fourth walls i learn like a motherfucker even though i've been doing comedy 27 years i leave there going jesus christ lee has no idea what jokes he said tonight those are tonight show jokes with a fucking sensational delivery if i had parents i would have gave lee a thousand

dollars because i would have wrote a whole special about that especially if i was jewish lee taking g-note and you're my road manager for the year what are you talking about i just want to be an open mind to shut shut up you're going on the road you're doing 10 minutes and you're like keep writing every fucking week because you wrote two jokes to the brilliant that american never wants to talk about everybody loves their mother but jesus christ on the third call and it's not even lunch time you're like what now what now what the fuck you know and he said it he didn't say it that excitable because he didn't know what he had and then you know to say those two jokes i don't like his seventh eighth time on stage you tapped into something look at he's all red now

in the face because that's what you do when you're a comic you sit back there you shut your mouth you absorb and you take a piece of very comic you don't take that material right you look at where they're going you go wow i gotta start taking my jokes there it's a weird concept and it is made it is scared i don't want to steal so that i've been weird you can never steal how about matthew felico jimmy shelter flow combat lots money clam bait nathan sterk front row brian always around my new buddy and step on from new albuquerque i love you motherfucker i'm sorry i didn't see you saturday late show with tight i got your number don't worry about nothing chris twent and sandra malta love love keo don't forget sun saturday night me and lee

i write the ice house 7 30 show there's a few tickets left and all that's left for columbus is 4 19 the thursday guys i'm sorry i'm not gonna add shows because i think i'm shooting fucking uh that uh show that week for uh show time so tomorrow i'm shooting a guest book and i'm doing another episode of the guest book and i'm doing this whatever and i appreciate you guys because you guys have been keeping keeping me tip top shape you follow me ever since i got you guys in my life i got a fucking walk to walk i just can't come up here and talk bullshit to your people there was something i had to tell you about and i can't remember uh and that's why like ever since i started going to the fourth wall and when i go to fly like when i got a spotter flappers

she tells me to get there a fucking 9 30 that means i'm not going up till 10 15 i go at 9 15 i sit in the back i get a water and i just watch comedians and i learn i go when i do that when i didn't do that he's talking to the audience he's talking too much to the audience sometimes but lee i also want you to react to the audience okay if a waitress walks into the thing and she falls over with a bag of drinks you just can't keep doing jokes right you got a crack a joke that's classy maybe make a movement to help her pick up the stuff do you follow me and then get back on stage and start all over again that takes a complete different fucking animal so i also want you to be live and in the moment and this is why

paul mooney would always say you have to get entertained to be a good entertainer you have to be you have to get entertained to write when i'm having a hard time writing i will always try to watch a movie but for years there's been something missing and i didn't realize what it was till last tuesday night when dean invited me to be part of his fucking little shungal all that that i needed live music back in my life you enjoyed that much i enjoyed the energy and i enjoyed the learning when i was a kid and i go see judas priest i always knew glintipton was a better guitar player than k.k doling k.k doling did leads but i was always a glintipton guy but k.k doling was a performer he shook his head he danced you find out the

different aspects of selling a show which is what a comedian does we saw the show the most brilliant conversation i ever heard about a comedian the first time i have a top my back about being a comedian was when i saw rosanna larry king live and they interviewed her and they asked her about when she fired her staff why she did that that year and she goes because i brought comedians that because comedians we do everything we produce we write we direct we run the lights we know exactly how to do everything we just get fucking lazy once you use every weapon that you get along the way this is why i say to you lee and i say to a lot of people that yes give comedy a try give being a guitar player try if you want to play harmonic and a band go for it whatever the fuck

you want to do go for it because it may not work out but it may lead you to the road that you end up on and become a millionaire that'd be great i you already have the podcast game right you already know the ups and downs of the podcast game you see how we advertise you see how we do this you see how we do the periscope now you know we have we're promoting the product we're learning so much by doing this job i've learned a complete different world that i did not know existed until the last seven years did i read a book lee no we got up at six in the morning into the podcast twice a week and we learned a lot from that and then we moved on to the afternoon we learned we couldn't get guests to come in or call you at six in the morning unless they were on the east coast you learn so many

fucking aspects but if you don't try you're not gonna learn trying things take you to the road that you need to be on how do i know because i'm living it right now i'm seeing this right now jesus christ you think i saw this 20 years i didn't fucking see this you want me to tell you when i go to santa fe and three shows are sold out albuquerque at the beautiful san anacasino that i'm gonna fucking tell you that i knew this this was in the cards for me not at all not at all not at all not at all did i tell you podcasting was coming gonna come along predicted it not at all but this is the road it took me to i wouldn't have known if i didn't get off the couch that june 18th of 1991 well and it was the same injection you're shot with right now

you get out there you're out there three shows whether it's the fourth wall of carnage hall you're still out there doing a fucking show so just because you eat a bag of dicks there's always a side story to this note that you're getting something from this you're gonna remember 20 years from now every time you go get sold at the 7-11 or a lot of e-ticket you're gonna look at that fourth wall and go fuck that building means a lot to me even though now it's a fucking russian band school right whatever it is and the sushi place burnt down you know thank god but no that's really the point i wanted to talk about today is how i'm adding i think i'm taking my wife on a date uh friday night and uh i'm gonna take it just to a random place to watch music

doesn't matter what type of genre it is when i was a kid i watched from kenny rodges to judas priest to fucking yes so why don't i do it again if it's gonna help my comedy i can't tell you how much help i've gotten just from going to the fourth wall and then how about going to the fourth wall and sitting there watching eight guys doing five minutes and then i get in my car and i go to the comedy store and i see delia ron white rogan and then i gotta go up on stage think about my fucking world why i have anxiety bitches but i put myself through that because at both fucking ends of the spectrum i learned something so do you think you might try to learn an instrument or you think just going to watch it live would be good no i think i'm just gonna go watch and

entertain it and live it again you go to a concert you sit in the side and you start looking around and you figure out what this music means to people it's the weirdest fucking thing me and felicia was standing at and i saw a guy with long hair people that was if you can't watch it in the youtube lia i'll show you he was moving his head like this he wouldn't stop for this he would only stop for the songs and then he would start again and his head would shake and felicia looks over and she goes i bet he's gonna have a headache in the morning you know whatever the fuck she said to me but it didn't matter that's what that music meant to him it didn't have to be a cdc anybody could have been playing it that's what that music

meant to him you look around and you start looking and now i learned that when i'm on stage what the fuck i'm saying is affecting them that's what i took that night from now i was a blown away i went home i couldn't fall asleep i had to pick my wife up the next morning at the airport i couldn't fall asleep until two in the morning i took the gabba gabba the melatonin i took a half his annings i couldn't be i i was scared to take the whole thing i won't wake up nothing i couldn't fall asleep because i was so overwhelmed from a live experience so i appreciate you guys when you come to a fucking show because now i know even thursday night now bikerki i had a rough set my two shows friday night were fucking sensational but thursday night i had a rough set because i

wasn't selling it i had forgotten what i was there for i think the airplane something threw me off the fucking in there i don't know what threw me the fuck off it was still a great weekend i had a great time at santa fe casino and everybody i had contact with were very sweet the girls were very sweet and it was just a great weekend but no i hope you uh got something from this podcast today because i think i wanted to talk about this not basically the fucking uh people facebook and me and shit but i wanted to talk about the fucking uh the comedy and what you're doing right now in your life that really is the same plan that we have it seems better for lee because he's doing comedy and he's understanding it more but always push yourself and put yourself in weird situations

what do you got to lose i'd rather you put yourself in a bad situation than a boss make you do something and you don't know it at least now you understand the grasp of that situation you ever work at a place like that there was different levels and different promotions right yeah let's say you started out for example like i started at uh the pot of car wash that's a fucking car drive okay all right but i would always talk to the general manager was like kissing his ass no he was fulfilling something and i always talked to him during the breaks and shit like that and he asked me if i could sell stuff and one day while i was drying cars on the snow i went over with him and he showed me this hosting gig and then shortly after that i got a job at a body shop

you know as a fucking uh as a shagger and i was good at it i was a good shagger i finally got promoted to being a detailer which was commissioned which was pretty good i'm talking 1987 i'm uh i'm 24 years old you know i'm a fucking loser i don't have a gd yet this is pre kidnapping you know and when i was a shagger i was already detailing cars i just wasn't a detailer by pay but it didn't matter to me because i was still learning what to do if you just went from shagging to detailing it was like a three-week money contingency that you would lose money like a motherfucker i already lost the money when they would say who prepped that car in those days we were prepping off the ship okay when you prep a car off the ship it's completely different it has like cosmoline on it

it may be different today and all the seats are wrapped you got to do all that shit and you got to screw in the mirrors and there's a lot of shit you got to do when a car comes off his ship it's just don't come off looking like fucking johnny forever there's a thousand things you got to do the cosmoline was the worst because you had to spray a certain chemical on it let it sit for six or seven minutes then rub it out fucking good wash it washed again do another coating wash it again then you had to give it a quick hand wax and they would pay you like 24 bucks you were a subcontract for each car for each car it was like 20 for fucking 24 for new cars and 55 for used cars and they got 149 dollars for the detail you got 55 bucks but if you could detail three fucking cars

in one day you didn't do bad is that possible oh yeah i i could detail three fucking cars in one day and two new ones well if i knew that there was a bunch of new cars i get there at six in the morning and i'd i get two or three new cars and then i get two used ones and i'd fucking work them jack and never but my point is i will always learn to do the job above me not because i wanted to steal that guy's job because i wanted to be prepared when they offered it to me is that the way this fucking way of thinking that's how i thought at that age that's how i thought at that age i always wanted to know lee's job i want to know sam trippley's job you know if sam trippley was your boss i want to know his job and i want to know what his job was because in my mind i wanted to take the steps

and it made all that shit a lot easier and never even the it makes sense i mean i the only places i worked like that were like at the movie theater and i got promoted once to from a red shirt to a blue shirt but other than that no i mean when when you come out when i came out here to be an editor there's a path but and i guess you're right because i would sit and i would i would help my my friend edit or i would take editing gigs for for less money just to like learn you're right so i guess when you take it seriously it's like that's like a what would an apprenticeship almost and nobody can cut the corners for you people just do the fucking work and only will you feel better about yourself you know they can't take it away from you

that's why i get frustrated with those fucking emails just do the work there's no fucking shortcuts i'm out here with 20 guys that took shortcuts and they're in fucking limbo there's the the only shortcut is the straight line between you and that fucking goal that's it listen like i said all you had available is 419 in columbus it's a thursday night show at 8 30 and there's a few tickets left for saturday night working out i got a couple bits i gotta fucking tighten up and you guys are going to be my fucking guinea pig 730 show i got a few people going up for that and that's it for right now man i'm happy you guys tuned in we got a great podcast this week the next four or five guests the fucking savages so i just wanted to get you guys ready we haven't done an old school

one in a while i know a lot of people asked me for him so bam there you have it my main man lee oh i know he's got bronchitis he came off half a fact then he went to juke off drop he even came in here with the fucking daytime night quote like he's trying to impress me if he was a real gangster he'd show up with the night night night when the triple x one that kills bugs it kills fucking hand jobs from chinese people that's the one you come he comes in with the orange one it's daytime and then he wouldn't take a fucking edible or a bomb i took an edible he said people ain't gonna deal with give me credit i think i'm gonna deal with he's got and he had bronchitis three months ago oh i didn't when he called me the first thing he

said to me was here i go i can't go to the gym for a week i don't like this fucking sack of shit he's fucking trying to bullshit me but now he's got bronchitis he won't do a fucking bong and ruski i don't know why but that don't matter anyway who gives a shit all that matters is you motherfuckers thank you for listening i'll see you guys wednesday tip top magoo number one like i said in the beginning listen fuji sports has been around since jesus left chicago that's what they call fuji baby named after fucking mount fuji anything you need you get to the fucking leg things from muay thai shorts a gi which i highly fucking recommend that i will highly highly recommend the saparito go the extra 20 and live like a doctor go to fuji sports dot com right now

you find something you like press in church and get 10% off how's that one for you and you know me on it till the end they've been with us since day one already was here his book came out take a look at it he's a fucking lunatic but he's a good man go to on it right now even i finally tasted the mexican chocolate yes it is it's fucking delicious the new milkshake it's a little bigger container go for it the protein i got the alpha brain you know me the new mood the shroom tech sport the shroom tech immune they got some tremendous jerky listen go to honor dot com right now and press in church and take a look at all the great supplements they got i can't take care of you with the metals and the poles but as far as the fucking supplements i got you you know why because that's a type of

motherfucker than i am listen i love you guys i'll see you guys wednesday have a great fucking day today and remember next thursday night the 19th me and k quickly that's all that's left and i'm not adding two shows i'm too old and i'm gonna have to shoot that fucking show i'm dying up here so i'm gonna be too tired i want to get you guys fresh tip top legu and ready to fucking go have a great monday stay black check that meal leak hey you We can throw your hands up in the air, shake your booty and scream, oh yeah, cause we, uh, the jam won't do it

Jabbin' on this, I will do, do, do, move, oh, get up until you put it down So come on people, check out the sound, check out the sound, check out the sound, check out the sound Jabbin' on this, I will do, do, do, move, oh, get up until you put it down So come on people, check out the sound, check out the sound, check out the sound I'm here to introduce myself, my name is Jim B And I'm a surefire police, blooded on a pipe, I'm fuckin' jam on production, you see If you want the back, then put me to the test, and I'm sure you'll soon agree That I got no force, cause I'm down by love, when it comes to rockin' viciously

You see, cause I'm when I was a little baby boy, my mama gave me a brand new toy Two turtables with a mic, and I learned to rock like a dollar mic Time went by on this God creation, I knew someday I would rock the nation So I made up my mind just what to do, and I jumped with the gym on production proof So go crazy, go crazy, don't let your body be lazy I said don't stop, the body rocked till your eyesight stops to get hazy Clean out your ears, and you open your eye, if you want to hear the music, just come alive If you don't know how, get ready to learn, cause Cosmos is taking his turn to burn

Take the seat, I know in the scene that you had M.O. And the freakin' D had a broken beat, little one you see This Cosmo did, yeah baby, that's me, I got the beat But that's oh so sweet, without me rockin' this incomplete So rock this yo, rock that yo, rock on and don't you dance Now, if you rock this, rock that, and that's the fact, cause the jam on crew Rockin' by the rock, rock the steam up the moon, rock all the track And the whole wide world will funk, the top up to the beat, yo, get down

Let me rock it till the rhythm of a funky sound, from hip to hip, from Z to Z And when the jam on's rockin' everybody scream A dam on it, dam on it, on and on and on it And if you feelin' like you wanna dance on that thing, go on ahead and blow it Cause jammin' on is what we do best, it's what separates us from the rest And if you don't think I cruise down for real, let me tell you what happens to the man who steals Say Superman had come to town to see who he said rock He blew away every crew he faced until he reached our block

His speakers won three stories high, but who was made of steel And when we bought our set outside, he said rock He blew away every crew he faced until he reached our block And when I'm on the set, I don't need no pants to prove my ass I just use my secret breath I can fly three times around the world without missin' a beat I socialize with X-ray, I'm a lady, baby sweet And then he turned his power on, and the ground began to move

And all the bills were miles around, we're swaying to the groove And just when we had pulled the crowd and swore he won the fight We rocked his butt with a 12-inch cast called Disco Custon 9 When Superman looked up at me, he said, you rock, so naturally I said, now that you've learned to deal, let me tell you why I'm so free I'm Cosmo deep from outer space, I can't be rocked for human race I do it right up, cause I can't do it wrong That's why the whole world is singing this song

Jam on it I jam on it I say jam, jam, jam on it In stages and night and night turns to do it every time it is I wanna hear you say it Jam on it I jam on it I say jam, jam, jam on it

Jam all around and upside down to keep the jamming to the jam on production I jam on it I jam on it I said jam, jam on it I said jam on it's the fucking beat that takes control of me The short shot, baby, that'll rock your soul Jam on it I jam on it

I said jam, jam, jam on it Get out of your seat and jam to the beat And don't you dare start your early morning Jam on it Jam on it Jam on it Jam on it Let's go!

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

Let's go!