Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #576 - Joey Diaz remembers Mitzi Shore

Episode Date: April 16, 2018

Joey Diaz tells Lee Syatt about being a new comedian who never thought he'd be good enough to perform at The Comedy Store, to 27 years later becoming one of the few comedians personally passed by the club's late owner, Mitzi Shore. On this episode Joey opens up about how important Mitzi was in his life. This podcast is brought to you by: FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 04/15/2018.


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It's mexican chocolate. I know that it's fucking delicious Get the protein shake for anyway go to honet.com and press in church Bam and get 10 percent off your order again deliver it right to your door kick this fucking mule Here we go monday april 16th you cock suckers Since I've been loving you it's all about you today The church or what's happening now baby coming at you

The christ killer and your uncle joey old school today I got a little story to tell you You Kick it Lee here we go here we go Are you fucking kidding me? It's a monday. That is what we're starting off with what? Jesus Are you fucking nuts? I just want to go to a trance this shit I

Readings you little cock suckers. It's monday morning. I want to talk to you about something about 10 days ago I got a call from arie. He was on a plane and He was calling me to say goodbye that he was going to australia To do a tour And he said that he might see me in two weeks and he had a return ticket to la in two weeks Just in case mitzvah died And I go, what do you mean? He goes? Yeah, she's not in good shape. She's not doing well I hung up the phone with him and I sat down and and it was weird. I haven't seen mitzvah and maybe uh

Nine years, you know 10 years or something. I haven't seen mitzvah But once he said that to me, uh, you know, I just started thinking that that whole weekend night I was in albuquerque with dean delray at the san anacasino, which is great people Uh But just to thought of what mitzvah meant to me, you know, I got that that whole weekend I thought about it just little things about the store and stuff and last week We did a podcast about, you know, people who get, uh Misled they think that this is just a fucking catwalk

This will justify what I was saying last sunday and why I'm the way I am uh In 1995 I left colorado and I You know Went on my journey to be a comedian. Did I ever think I would end up in l.a. Not by any means at all guys I thought it was gonna be a ham and agar Work like that a southwest northen

border of the country And I was gonna hide that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a social misfit and hide One thing turned to the other I ended up in seattle one thing turned to another I uh I got a call, you know over the holidays I went on stage a couple days later The manager of the club called me and the cbs was interested in me. So Uh Anyway back to the arry thing. He calls me and he says this to me the whole weekend. I'm kind of thinking about

My life at the store and what it meant to me, you know, and Uh, if you guys google it or whatever, there's probably a couple books on the comedy store or Stories about mitzvah. I know there's one book that's uh some disgruntled person wrote and called her a bitch and That they had to go on a strike to get paid from her and you know, blah blah blah blah This is my experience of mitzvah short And what the comedy store meant to me, you know in 1995

Uh, I only read about the comedy store like in judy carter's book and other books or comedy magazines But in your mind when you first got into comedy that was the mecca of mecca For catholics, it's uh going to Rome and seeing the Vatican for as a comedian Uh, the comedy store is it that's that's that's the mecca. That's the hall of kennison. That's the home of richard pryer That's the home of andrew dice clay. That's a roseanne was Seeing that's where walking back car that was written. That's where jj walker had been discovered to be on good times

I mean the stories go on and on and on and on about this place and what it attracted over the years Between you and I and lee and you know, uh, I never ever ever thought I would walk into the chambers of the comedy store That I would ever be good enough So it didn't matter to me. Whatever I heard like whatever the fuck anybody said to me I would just be joey Diaz taking in and blow it out and go who gives a fuck it doesn't matter like people go I went to the comedy store And I well, you know, they let me in for free and I go who gives a fuck or people go I went down there and I got on stage on open mic who gives a fuck and what happened was

When you're working the rooms I was working at the time you're working with failed comedians You're working not really failed comedians You're working with headliners who had given LA a try And it didn't work out for them Now they're back home and they're pissed at people who did stay and something was going on So you also also heard this negative undertone about los angeles So it's like a a sweet and sour situation The whole time you're developing as a comedian

Or at least for me I wasn't developing to be on tv or developing to be the next fucking rich or prior I was just doing comedy to see if it would get me away from the criminal Aspect of my life I needed purpose in my life I had tried everything and comedy was the last resort Excuse me, so I decided that if I was gonna do comedy I wasn't gonna commit to it And I read everything I could there was no internet. There was no computer and So you had to buy books and read magazines and

You know everything that you read except like the lennie bruce shit Went back. Yeah, I think even the lennie bruce stuff went back to the county store. So I'm living in colorado. I'm having all these problems. I get in my car and I go to seattle Again guys when I landed in seattle in my heart. I wasn't good enough to be there You know, I had been For 20 years nothing positive happened in my life nothing nothing You know, I got married. I went to prison and shit like that But it still was not what I was searching for. I don't know what the fuck I was searching for

But none of that that had happened that mattered at that point. I was still a waste Piece of shit in my mind I moved to seattle in seattle. Guess what I started making strides as a comedian And What do I mean? What are you? Were you getting on tv joe? Were you making money? I was making 800 a month on an average And uh My bills were like 1800 a month and if it wasn't people like carola and josh wolf who helped me out a lot and I wouldn't have made it

You know, but because I committed to the journey the universe takes care of you When you commit to a journey The universe will take care of you you'll find a way And even if you suffer one night have to sleep out in the snow Six of those nights one way or another you'll sleep on somebody's couch. Which at that time is the rich carlton to you The universe has a weird way of taking care of you once it knows That you're committed to what you're doing So I'm in seattle

I'm getting arrested for this stolen cars domestic violence. You know It just didn't stop with my life and I'm not going to tell you that life was throwing curveballs at me at the time I was the fucking problem. I was the problem between that and the drugs You know, I didn't have control. The only thing I had control of Was the comedy That's the only thing I had definite control over was the amount that I got on stage Writing getting gigs hustling. I was dynamite at that stuff. Everything else. I was a fucking failure. Everything else was a failure So one Thanksgiving I get on stage

And again the manager calls me a week later and he goes listen Some guys just call from cbs. They're doing a pilot and you're perfect. They're coming up The second week of December to bring the whole staff to see that was fucking rare guys That was rare like for a guy like me. That's a criminal and shit. Are you fucking kidding me? Did they see you somewhere or what? They saw me at the underground the guy went home to visit his parents For the holidays and the guy saw me on a wednesday night in the underground like one of those holiday comedy shows Me josh wolf tana manu Uh brody stevens gavin boy

It was like 10 of us that would get together and do a show Count hopkins the third, you know, and then we get like a headline to come in And we do this show. Well, the guy saw me and his big question was if I spoke spanish. Yes Then he brought like three people back up there. I got two things out of that club I pulled two la things out of that club when they flew me into la And I did stuff and then I went back one time They flew me in and I was so poor I cashed in the ticket and I drove down here I'm like an asshole that I am I pulled the lead drove down here

And snorted the money and went from Seattle. Yeah. Oh my god And I went to that japanese restaurant right around the corner, which is the worst restaurant in the world Where they sing on the tables right? Yeah, this is your place. I went there with two other fucking morons and But the first time I came down I went to the laugh factory. I didn't even think Of going to the comedy store didn't even think of going to the comedy store And I didn't but you knew about it. I knew about it. I knew at that time by by by 97 I hadn't read the kennison biography And I talked all about the power of the comedy store and I'd seen something else or read something else

about bill hicks And everybody's paths had a cross to the comedy store I knew that for one of his last specials richard prior worked on the comedy store and since I was from denver I also knew that rosanne had done something that no woman had ever done She was a bit she became a paid regular and Which he saw her in the original room put her in the main room And then she got the tonight show Like she went from being a fucking slob

to this Dang overnight really seriously. Oh, that's crazy. I didn't know that yeah Mitchie saw her in the original room told her to go up in the main room And she got watching the next night. She was on the tonight show a two days later or a week later So I had already known The power of the comedy store But in my mind and I'd never be good enough anyway, and then in all the comedians I spoke to Those headliners that didn't have anything going on that were like angry headliners

They were putting down the comedy store Like oh, you don't need to go up there. They're losers there. Yeah, they're not gonna put you up You got to be this you got to be that all this shit I didn't listen because I didn't care Lee. It didn't matter I was happy doing spots at the comedy underground in seattle. What did I give a fuck about? The comedy store the live factory of the improv for me. That was another world It shows how important every set is like you can never look down on the set No, and it's like a set the set if you're getting if you're getting stuff for la nc

Like that blows my mind that someone in seattle twice Would see you on your days went to the holidays to see their family saw me on stage And the second one was jeff valdez So the first year was jeff valdez for latino comedy festival and they didn't give it to me That's the year greg dorado became a star And then the next year they approached me against the latino live factor uh festival and cbs approached me So I moved down here. I didn't

Think I'm moving down here cbs is gonna give me enough money to get a hotel for three weeks rent the car And be able to go there was no uber then there was no, you know, and I was gonna be able to go to rehearsal and shoot the pilot Holy shit, it was gonna be three weeks That's a lot of money. So I came down here I lived in a trailer with my girlfriend And it was the weirdest thing because I had worked new years with stanhope

That new years that like the 27th Through new years. I did like six shows with stanhope And I knew dug from 1991 And dug had seen me then and now dug was watching me featuring for him And he kept bugging me. You need to move to LA You really do need to move to LA they have latino night on sunday night at the improv They got one at the county store. They got one at the live factory. Not only that You'll get spots anyway

And I'm like, but what about what everybody else is saying that saying you can't get spots. It's like fuck those losers You can get spots and I'm like, yeah, but I'm dirty. Fuck it. Don't worry about it. You'll get spots So between dug stanhope and right here is the cbs thing I agree to the cbs thing And I drove down here with a girl In a trailer with a car behind us And the trailer broke in san francisco And we spent five days in san francisco and I got on stage every night in san francisco

So it didn't really matter Well, we ended up landing here on a monday We came into LA when we saw LA the 101 south I can't describe the feeling to you Like I can't describe the feeling to you like and we were still an hour out We were in bumping and bumping traffic And then we pulled off we got into hollywood. We got onto the sunset strip And on fair few fair facts boulevard. We made a right and we pulled our trailer right there

When you go up to lower canyon and make a left right right there, we pulled up And we loosened up a car and we both took showers in the trailer. We got dressed And we went to where you're going tomorrow night What's the name of a place you're going tomorrow night? Oh the sycamore tower that used to be al capoco In 1997 and we went there for dinner. We thought it was like fucking The restaurant of the year if I had three hundred dollars on me I had a lot of money on me. I had no money when I moved down here It wasn't for that girl driving the whole fucking thing. I would have never got down here

Like can you explain like I want to go back and just a little bit to what you said about the sign for the 101 like What do you think like when you do you think you finally started believing in yourself or like what do you think happened? When I saw the sign I realized that this was real I Started doing comedy in 1991, but for two years it was throwaway years. I was I wasn't even doing comedy. I was doing An impersonation impersonation impersonation And then I understood what it took to become a comedian. So I had to yeah

I've been doing comedy for 27 years, but it's really 25 years Because my first two years I got on stays like eight times. I was just bullshitting people bullshitting myself But I really can't say that because the second year I had a job I had a job house and scene I got on stage every week, but I still wasn't serious about it I was just blowing smoke up my ass. I was just addicted to coke Once 94 95 came along. I got serious about it. And by 95 I was very serious about it Like I was down. I was in this is what I wanted to do I don't know. I'm not saying I'm gonna be the next fucking richer prior of the next Sam Kenneson

All I'm saying is That for right now, this is what I want to do I wasn't gonna give myself high hopes and then be let down like I'm not ever gonna be on tea I knew I was never gonna be on tv. I'm not an actor Even though you're coming down for a tv show even that by that time I was like, this is crazy as soon as I get to LA. I gotta find an acting coach And I remember acting acting the executive producers of the show like Do you guys can you reckon? You know, I was like a little half a fag

I'm like, can you guys recommend an acting coach to work with me before I shoot the pilot? And they're like, oh, yes, we have brilliant acting coaches, you know So as soon as I got here on a Monday I went to Al Capucco. I changed took a shower We went to the Al Capucco all you could eat and I headed up to the comedy store. I don't know what possessed me I took that girl and we walked into the comedy store And they stopped me in the front and they said I'm a comic

And they said, okay in those days, there was no really a lot of security Monday night, it was either Harris Peter Chewy and I walked around the back and They let me sit and Don Barris was on stage the first time I was I was walking into the comedy store I saw the star of the last dragon and Eddie Griffin walking out And I shit my pants like I had seen Eddie Griffin In a Bruce Willis movie And I had seen him on something either on BET or HBO or something when he was hilarious

And here he was in front of me at the place where you're going And I walk in and there's the halls with all the pictures of these great comics And I'm just shaking my fucking head going I don't even know why I'm here And then there was a comic from Seattle James Stevens the third It was open mic night if there was 15 people in the audience. It was a lot of people It was real real audience. Yeah. It was 8 30 at night. There's 15 people in the audience And Don Barris was up on stage like it was fucking masters quite a garden with shorts on

Fucking crazy and I'm like, what the fuck is this? And then as I sat there comics came in and out Who I kind of knew like from traveling I heard their names But then as it got later, that's when Eddie Griffin showed up and nicked Apollo And I was just in fucking awe Like I didn't walk in the kitchen or nothing. I just stood on the hallway And then I met wheels Wheels perishing. Yeah, he came was there and I go you open for dice. Oh my god

Like I was fucking incomplete all And I spoke to him for a little while And the waitress was from Philadelphia And her name was Eleanor who I've had on the podcast here various times She was the waitress from Philly so so they told me to go see her And she gave me like a water or whatever the fuck they gave you in those days of soda and I tipped her And that's all I knew that was it And I stayed out there till 12 12 30 just talking to different comedians

And at one time they ran out of comics And this is hey man, do you want to go up because it was an open mic Oh, yeah, and I walked up there and there was maybe three people in the audience four people in the audience And I just went up there when I touched the stage at my feet. I said this is hilarious That I'm gonna be able to put the comedy storm my resume and not really do a show here But basically I am doing a show And I had three minutes

And everyone else told all those negative people told you it's impossible to get on you can't get on Your first time there at the comedy story. Do you want to go on so I got on there was nobody in the audience I ate a bag of dicks, but a couple comics came in and watched me And they were like you should But the weird thing was that Every year since 1995 or 1994 To 1997 till I walked into the comedy store

Now that night that I walked into the comedy store was january 29th 1997 So listen to these dates Correctly and I landed on a monday But the funny thing about this was that for Once a month somebody would come up to me and look at me and go. Is Mitchie sure seeing you yet? And I go what what the fuck is Mitchie sure? And they'd say that's Paulie's mother wait till she sees you dog

And I'm like I'm she's never gonna see me Because I'm never walking in there Like I'm never walking in there But all directions were pushing me into the store There was a contest in Denver in 1995 And the winner Got $500 cash and he got a a plane ticket hotel and a spot in front of Mitchie sure Which was basically a monday night spot and you weren't guaranteed she was gonna be there. It's just a bullshit contest

Oh, fuck and I came in second but back then she was that well respected. She was what that well respected That you get to perform in front of Mitchie sure that's pretty crazy and That night I came in second but the next day Comedians called up the club and said that the guy who won the contest Stole the jokes So they had to give me the $500 and I never got the plane ticket. Are you didn't go? I never got it from the club. They banned me for life before I got it That sucks

Yeah, so all directions were always pointing to me To go into the county store. So the first week I go to the county store get on stage that first night and I go Holy shit In my mind, I was just happy to get on stage at the county store I could I could have told anything to anybody I could have said to you Louis I went up there and there was 200 people and I killed in the original room Yeah, and I had to bring up Jim Carrey. It wasn't the case

There was three people in there and I brought some comic up there in a harmonica or some shit You know, it wasn't like a show show show Yes, it wasn't the original room and yes, it was the world famous comedy store But I didn't go up at eight o'clock at night. Do you know what I'm saying to you? Oh, I know exactly I could have I could have went back to jersey or back to Denver and told you anything I wanted Right. I performed there and Mitchie sure loved me. No, there was nobody there But I went home that night And I felt different

I felt different in what way like stronger And I like I would if you did decently well, I would feel like you'd have a huge boner for it. No, I didn't have a boner over it I didn't have a uh I felt like I don't know like I maybe Maybe Maybe someday In 10 or 15 years I get into the comedy store That's what I felt and that was it and the story that was it

The next Tuesday morning I got up And I went to the lab factory and I stood online at seven in the morning And I and they made me wait there from seven in the morning To six o'clock at night. Oh and me and Gavin alternated And we would cross the street and get each other juices and shit And waters and sandwiches But we would stand out you had to stand online all day for like the next week, right? No for just one day Oh, okay. So that was every Tuesday. Got it every Tuesday. If you drove past the lab factory, you see 20 people standing up there

They don't do it anymore like that. Oh, I thought they did. I guess not. I don't know. I don't know if they still do it like that so the next one I got a brighter had a bushy tail when went down there I waited online all day And I heard all these fucking comedians just talking How hard it is what a waste of time they've been doing That they auditioned for Spielberg and didn't get the movie that auditions are hard That it's tough to get an agent. It was just 20 19 people

talking Bullshit negative just just garbage like if you're here, he'll never make your regular We're just wasting our time like just just it was just dumb fucking chatter And there was one guy in particular Who wouldn't shut the fuck up? He had a weird accent. He wouldn't shut the fuck up He knew everything about everything. He was an encyclopedia fucking comedy He knew what time mitzsche sure got there and what time mitzsche sure left

When to go to the improv when bud Friedman was going to be there to pass you He knew everything Lee And then we got our numbers at six o'clock Eight o'clock came It was time for everybody to go on stage And the guy went up there and not only did he eat the biggest bag of dicks I haven't seen somebody eat But he went from being this loud obnoxious guy like me to talking like a little fucking mouse

And when he got off I looked him right in the face. I go all day All fucking day you talked all that shit all fucking day And you got on stage like a fucking hermit. I thought he was I thought we were gonna fist fight That's how crazy I still was that it's up to you that much that you listen to him all day all fucking day He didn't shut the fuck up But then he goes up there and he becomes Joe hermit Anyway, I'm the main on the list I go up there. I do my dirty material

You got to wait around to get critique from Jamie And as soon as I sat down, Jamie goes, listen, I'm gonna give you the best advice I can give you pack your bag and move to Las Vegas I didn't go, what are you talking about? He goes, you're a club comic He goes, if you move to Las Vegas and start in one of those rooms right now in five years Everybody will know who you are, but you're not gonna do anything in LA. You're too old. You're too dirty You're never gonna do nothing here. You can't pass Jesus. I was like, Jesus Christ This is crazy

This is crazy. So I said, you know what? It doesn't matter because I'm just gonna shoot the pilot And go back to Colorado and try to be a dad or end up killing this woman You know, I had no options I had no real options So I woke up the next morning and I went to uh, I think it's 65 65 sunset boulevard something like that And They have telemarketing jobs like three or four floors of different telemarketing job like the and it's all automated That's why I walked in there and I haven't done telemarketing before but never automated

Where you make 80 calls now. It's just constant. You know what I'm saying? Like as soon as you're gonna hang up It's constant. I wasn't used to that the building is still there and they still do telemarket It's a beautiful building on sunset. They redid it But on the walk home I bumped into this black dude And we were just talking generalities And he told me he was a manager at a telemarketing room where people were making eight to 1500 a week selling cigars on the phone And that was a little more money than you were making there was a lot more money that I had made in fucking three or four years

Like I was making no money and I didn't make a dime in 95 96 97 Huh now they were giving me money to move down here. But by that time I owed money. I owed back child support. I owed a thousand things I bought some coke. I had to buy some clothes So that money disappeared So me and the girl got into a fight Not only did jim miss out a fucking tell me I sucked But the girl threw me out of her fucking

car So now I had to live with Doug Stanhope on the top bunk He bought bunk beds in his apartment because he was dating the girl from a tv show then So he would never spend the night at his house. So he had a bedroom and he had bunk beds in his living room with a tv And a typewriter out there So if you wanted to write jokes, you could write jokes if you wanted to sleep you could sleep So at that time it was me and one of his fucking friends that was just out of his mind named Ron Ron was on the Doug Stanhope's gonna be a star boat. He was Doug's security

He was done. He played like Doug's security But he was just a big guy, you know, he didn't know nothing about nothing You know at that time 1997 Doug Stanhope was making a big bang in hollywood And here I am living with Doug and I'm selling cigars in the fucking daytime I come waking up in the mornings at six Going over there and I would sell cigars like from fucking seven in the morning till fucking 12 or one in the afternoon every day It was rough and I started me and Josh Wolf. We would go to a place You don't bar ham, right? Yeah Burbank there. There was an open mic there every night

There was a coffee shop, uh, you know, we're Well, uh What's the taco place that we got over here cactus cactus across the street from the cactus with it The children's is a place in there with children's play. I don't know that used to be a coffee shop And that was a big time open during the day at night. Okay It was a coffee shop all day, but at night it became a comedy room. Oh sure. Okay, and then there was a state place in the valley There's something steakhouse up in the valley and they had a back room and they did comedy so for those

You know for my first two weeks here I did what you're doing now Here I started from scratch Like I had already been insulted by fucking What's his name? But sunday nights was latino night at the improv And I got a hold of that guy and he said i'll give you a five minute guest set And he goes i want you to come back next week when i want you to wear a tuxedo or a suit

Jesus his name was john misades Why did he want you to wear a suit? Because he said he didn't mind if I worked dirty as long as I wore a suit So john misades was basically putting me on stage on sundays at the improv Remember I told you people say you're not gonna get on stage in this town And you're on tour to the free so already i'm at the improv On the sunday night And i'm here about two weeks. I got a job selling cigars

Josh Wolfe is living on uh Vista Ralphie may wasn't here yet At this time Ralphie may was not here. I was sleeping on stanhope's couch on his bunk bed Ron was on the bottom bunk bed And at night we just got together whoever you just got together like when you do with sean and for And we would just go from open mic to open mic smoking pot You know one place gave you a drink ticket But there was this cat named Rudy Moreno

Well, I had on the show years ago And he booked the room on fridays and saturdays called a brave bull And everybody said you got to get on stage down there, but fucking rudy. I called rudy 80 times, bro I called him every day spoke Spanish. She never called me back So one friday I got directions. I got in the car and I fucking went down there And I said who's rudy moreno and they go that guy there and I walked up to my go rudy moreno I'm jody is what you can't call me back It's like i'm sorry. I'm busy. I could give you five minutes this shit and I went up there and I became friends with rudy

So now I was already doing spots on the weekend rudy told me come back next week and it was 25 hours a spot That's 50 fucking bucks guys 50 bucks in those days guys You have no idea what I do with 50 bucks in those days You have no idea in cash in cash So in this time, I realized cbs Doesn't know what they're gonna do cbs doesn't know if they're gonna shoot me for the pilot Or save me for seven episodes

Wait, you were definitely gonna be on the show. Yeah, definitely on the show I'm a crucial part of the show You feel like everything is coming together Uh I didn't really know I didn't know what was going on. This is this is not my work. This is not my world. Okay I had already found I was already buying coke in the building. I knew where to buy coke already like at that time uh josh wold

Brothers friend in the building sold coke. So we were already getting coke. I'm here about Two weeks two and a half weeks And I'm already going on stage at the improv and I'm already getting on stage whatever but the first time I came To showcase for latino lab festival I met a girl there A woman who looked kind of like you five foot two 300 pounds She just had a like a fucking shower curtain over her as a dress

Like she was just a little short fat little mexican check And the name was Marilyn Martinez And she watched me go up And she said hey man Has mitzvah seen you yeah, and I go would you stop with that? She goes, ah, man. She's gonna fucking love you, man. So I'm talking with doug stay at home one day And I leave and I go to do an open mic

And who do I bump into? for maryland And she goes did you move here and I go? Yeah, she goes Did you put yourself in the showcase list for mitzvah? And I go no, I don't know if I'm gonna stay here I'm here shooting a pilot blah blah blah blah. She goes listen I'm gonna call scott day tomorrow Scott day was the town coordinator. She goes. I'm a regular there. I'm gonna get you a showcase spot there I didn't know what to say

I just told you that the universe takes care of them of Of you when they know you're committed to what you're doing I didn't know what to say at this point in my life guys. I'm um, um 30 fucking four years old 33 years old Yeah, I was in prison. I just you guys have no idea what I was going through at that time And here I am becoming this comedian and here I get this deal from cbs and they gave me a little bit of money And in one of those latino nights A little bald guy comes up to me and he goes. How you doing? My name is bop bop bop bop bop

And I'm an agent in Sutton bar to venari. We do commercials. Do you have a commercial audition? I'm an agent and I go no And he goes would you like to sign with us? And I'm like, yeah I don't know nothing about nothing guys. Absolutely. I do The next day I find out Sutton bar to venari at the time was the best commercial agent in the fucking land. Oh, shit Like I had just signed with the best commercial agent in the fucking land. It's like getting here and signing with I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? He goes. Yeah, we're gonna get you out for commercials and voiceovers I went into contract and then John Mercedes introduced me to a dude

Introduced me to a dude there was a manager And he was carrot tops manager for a while and he goes You want to talk to him? I go. Yeah, he goes. He wants to talk to you. He goes. You're a character. We talked for a few weeks But in this whole time that night I see Marilyn and Marilyn tells me This all goes down at the improv but Marilyn tells me because she's there for the tino night That she's gonna get up tomorrow morning and call scott day So I go home floating on fucking you know clouds

But in the back of my mind, it really doesn't matter because people showcase for her all the time She gets off. I'm turning people down Ever like it seems like a lot of people have stories about And taking a long time for me to get past. So I'm like even if I showcase it doesn't matter because I'm not gonna stay here Like this is just a fucking vacation for a few weeks. I'm a fucking father I gotta go back to colorado try to fucking see my kid and go to war with this bitch Even though I'm fucking poor. I'm living in color. Whatever the fuck. I'm standing down. Doug Stanhope's fucking couch Whatever the fuck I was doing at that time

That next morning when I wake up, it's Monday morning and I go to a little cigar job when I come back Doug Stanhope is in the living room. He's typing. He's talking a fat run. God rest his soul And that's when he says to me. Hey, man I called scott day today I said scott. They got two calls two calls. He goes like call scott day today and told him to Make you a regular at the store for you to showcase you need a regular to back you He goes to call him up during the week

Call him up later on during the week and he'll schedule for a showcase So right now I got the greatest comic in the land And Marilyn Martinez calling scott day. I never met scott day. I don't know what the fuck scott day looks like I don't know nothing Now the next one guys is really gonna throw you for a fucking loop I go to a show at the improv on a wednesday night And who do I bump into right after that whole thing on monday with mariland And now at this time

I've gotten my first spot at the improv the talent coordinator richard cooper His window used to be you could see the window still He would sit there at night with the window open and watch you And he watched me on a tino night and he came down and told me to call him for spots during the week So I wasn't doing too bad. I'm not gonna tell you I was struggling. I know I was struggling I really was struggling but fuck i'm here three weeks. I'm getting spots at the improv. I got a commercial agent I got a job that makes okay money I'm snorting a little coke me and the girl are on the rocks me and my daughter are on the rocks me and my wife are on the

Rock, I mean my everything around me was shit except this comedy fucking thing Except this fucking comedy thing which was the biggest long shot in the fucking world for a guy like me I Guess who I bumped into the improv that night on a wednesday night guys when I go down there About a year ago. I put somebody on the podcast and I got questioned by everybody I got questioned by so many fucking people on my decision why I put this guy on the podcast And you're gonna realize why I put him on the podcast when I tell you who I bumped into guess who I bumped into that night Can I guess yes carlos carlos men see you

And he came up to me and he gave me a hug And he goes how long have you been in town? I told him three weeks So i'm trying to be a regular at the store and he goes you know what I'll call scott day for you tomorrow Now you understand why I put carlos on the podcast Because before I found out carlos was a fee for anything this was way before I met joe rogan Three people vouch for me at the comedy store All right So now it's thursday

And my pager goes off And it's 323 number 656 I call it back and it's the comedy store and I go this is joe dears somebody called me from the comedy store And I like hold on one second And the phone picks up and it's scott day and he goes Joey dears. Yes scott day now. He was a right off Right off the bat like that first conversation

It wasn't like it didn't mean the world to me like it was like joey dears. Yeah scott day town coordinate I've had a few people call in here for you. I'm gonna put you on the showcase list But the bad news is gonna take six months Because there's that many people who want to showcase from it. Yeah, it's a six month wait list fine So what do I go? I go. Thank you very much You know, thanks for calling me and he goes. Yeah, so it's february. You'll be hearing from us Like in fucking september And what did what part of you is upset or were you just thinking this is part of the half of me upset

No, no, no parts of me upset because right now that gives me six months to prepare That's true That gives me six months to fucking prepare for the killer killers. So I'm gonna finish this fucking pilot I'm gonna take whatever money they have to me whatever they're gonna give me like think of them We're gonna give me scale for two days at the end of shooting three days There's 2100 hours or something like that and I was gonna go back to colorado and start a new life This is right there Thursday

two in the afternoon I'm shooting the following fucking monday tuesday and wednesday And i'm gonna leave here with a showcase for mittie shore in fucking september I got six months to work on whatever minute she wants. I didn't even know how many minutes she wants. Okay I hang up with scott day At about three hours later. I get a fucking call from the pilot people And they go listen. You're shooting tomorrow One scene

For the pilot and then you're done Your call time is 915 Uh cbs radford. I knew nothing lee. I knew fucking nothing You've been here three weeks. You didn't know like what the city was I know nothing they gave me a zip code at that time and a fucking street number And I asked around and thank god. Josh wolf had been here like two months before me. He went on meetings He told me where to go. I think it was josh who drove me like somebody by the blend me their car or something like that fuck

I got a ride from somebody and then I took like a bus back But I went up there at eight in the morning. They did the fitting that day And basically dug my role Like after they saw me and looked at me and talked to me Like they fucking hated me, but they had spent the money on me already So now they put me in the show Like when I read for it and rehearsed with them I had like two scripts

But I was so bad of an actor or so such as piece of shit that I was That they had cut me down to two lines lee and the pilot Like what are you having nick the usual a beer on ice ha ha ha and I giggle or something stupid Like two cops come in when I first got the script It was two cops come in and then I asked them that shit And then we go through like a monologue a piece like listen. We all know what this is We pay you every week. You let us know who comes in here and gives us the information So I was playing like a bartender type rat to prosecutors

And it wasn't going well When I got the script I had a fucking huge role in this right But after rehearsing with them two or three times they saw I wasn't a fucking actor That I was green like a motherfucker that I could barely I knew nothing like guys. I knew nothing And at that time I hunted around and I and I found the guy On a monday who coached me On that and I liked him his friend his name was frank magna. Look at that I still remember his name

He coached me for like 20 bucks an hour And I went down and I still stunk like I I just stunk guys Are you want me to lie to you and tell you I was Olivier? I still stink as an actor I just you stand up as my backup But I'm no actor So I'm not ashamed to telling you people this story because I never really told you the story when I got the pilot When I first got the script I had two or three pages of monologue on one scene And two pages of monologue on another

I rehearsed it with them. They went back and forth I didn't know shit I think on one of the rehearsals I was high from the night before So when I got to the pilot they just they shut me down the two lines I went up to cbs radford. I found out right where it was. I went up there. I did the costume fitting They hated me so much. They shot me out first Jesus All right, I was just thinking about this because I didn't I didn't remember the whole story

until last week When I really really thought about what really fucking happened I think I made up a lie just to tell I don't know what I did but that's what really happened by the time I shot They were like you're done I got out of there. All right And I took a bus back to hollywood okay and

I remember I did the paperwork and I asked the lady do I get paid today and she's like no you get paid In 10 to 14 days. So I'm like fuck Fuck Now I got to wait two more weeks and sleep on dug stand hopes. No dug stand hope wasn't mad at me or anything I just didn't want to be here. That's it. I'm getting a showcase of six months. I did my spots I'm a regular at the improv when I come back latino night. It'll be bigger than ever And this is how it'll work out My pager goes off

It's about 5 30 in the afternoon And I'm standing in dug stand hopes living room By myself my pager goes off And it's the commie store And I call them back and I go, this is Joe Diaz. Is somebody call me like yeah, hold on. It's god day. It's god day goes joey Are you available this sunday to showcase from the t-shirt? And I go you said six months

And he goes no, no, no. I had two or three fallouts. Can you can you do it this sunday? And I go, yeah, I'll be there And that was Italy I hung up the phone And it was that easy I wasn't even here a month And I was showcasing for mincey show Now for fucking seven years

I heard nothing but negativity Nothing but negativity right nothing. You'll never get on Right then and then I remember fucking hanging up that phone and just going what the fuck is going on But Right then and then I thought about what I had been going through all those years And how I was doing comedy through it Like at the worst that I ever got I still pushed and I still kept like no I can't tell you how bad I was feeling when I would drop that little girl off on wednesdays at seven

I can never describe to you how bad I would feel leaving her to another man with my ex-wife But I would immediately get in my car and force myself to do comedy And turn that anger and rage into funniness to cover me at least for an hour to make me feel good Like That's what that showcase meant to me. Like I was like, okay all that shit paid off But the only reason you were leaving LA then before this phone call Was to go back to your daughter in colorado was I was going to go home and just who the fuck was I

Oh my kid you said everything was going so well. I'm so but it didn't matter. I was gonna fuck it up I was gonna fuck it up somewhere. I already fucked it up Lee. I just fucked it up Instead of getting a fucking acting coach when I got down here working with him for three days in a row I stood online and I talked to people at coffee shops Instead of getting an acting coach like I was supposed to do I didn't do that I got him for one afternoon and I went in there acting like fucking Da Vinci and I ended up Blowing it. You know I'm saying it doesn't matter today, but it mattered then

What was going on in my life? Like I felt shittier and shittier now you're trying to tell me I got a showcase for this fucking lady on sunday So what are the odds of me getting passed with all the bad shit that's happening? Not very good, so I'm like wait a second. They didn't wait me on the pilot That this guy at the lab factory told me I was basically a fucking ham a bum The improv the guy must be drinking You know the guy must be fucking he must he must feel good for handicapped kids or something Why am I getting spots when for seven years all I heard was negativity?

All I heard was fucking negativity. Why would she give me a fucking spot? Why would she give me a fucking showcase? So I hung up that fucking phone with Doug Stanhope and I went everywhere I remember it was uh, there was an open mic like on Santa Monica Towards the 101 like that's a bad neighborhood back there I still remember going there and standing In the back of the room and just going on stage and bombing that night in front of a bunch of comics going How am I gonna fucking pass in front of Mitchie Shore?

But Like You were preparing for the the show. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I fucking stayed up one night sober and wrote I fucking got my best three minutes together that I ever ever ever had I polished them backwards. I knew the material backwards and forward you had three minutes And three fucking minutes That's not a lot like it sounds like a lot of time when people say oh you do a five minute open mic when you've never done one before Sounds scary, but three minutes is not that much time three fucking minutes

I had in front of the lady who fucking could call your life right now with one fuck this is you know Going up in front of Mitchie is like fucking meeting call again being on my world Like that's what it was then like not only am I gonna get to meet her But I'm gonna go up in front of her and she's gonna turn me down anyway And now I'm really gonna be fucking crushed I was gonna say what what what do you imagine what would happen if I was gonna get knocked down

But I said fuck it if I go down let me go down in flames So I did every open mic. I fucking couldn't town For every fourth wall that you guys know of locally. I fucking didn't those two days When I went in there Sunday night at seven o'clock I was prepared I was shitting a pickle I wore like a dress shirt. I wore my jeans. I wore my sneakers You know I was 33 years old

And I was about to put everything on the fucking line like this was gonna be The decisive moment in my life And guess what I walked up there with zero confidence Even after all those upper mics Lee You have no idea what the comedy store represented at that time for a comic Of my caliber

This was the white house. This is it If you know what I am like this was everything I had like this was And and here I am doing comedy on paper six years I'm like, this isn't fucking happening This isn't happening I don't have a manager. I don't you know, this isn't happening But I still went down there And I didn't I was scared shitless

I went down there with this girlfriend of mine and one of my friends from Seattle And I was scared shitless. I think Josh Wolf was came down there with me And I sat I walked up and when I walked up she was sitting there already And we made eye contact and she smiled And I smiled and I sat down You know, I'd never been known to be a kiss ass like that or anything I just sat down a corner And then I went up to the booth and I said, my name is Joey Diaz

And they pointed me in the direction of the host I think the host that night was Freddy Soto. God rest his soul And I went up to Freddy and I go Freddy. I'm Joey Diaz and Marilyn was there Oh, they came to watch for your set Marilyn was dead. Doug Stanhope was there Dale came down there And I was pacing I was nervous. I was like number eight or nine on the list and shit Thank god you went first

Yeah, some it was something crazy like something crazy And I still remember them going you next and like, you know Your whole life like I saw myself in prison. I saw my mother's grave, but I thought about me getting a gd I thought about me fucking dropping out of high school I thought I just thought about every negative thing that could happen in my life like nothing positive Came into my mind at that moment like nothing nothing Lee like nothing I'm gonna go up there. I'm gonna do this. She's gonna tell me to go fuck myself

And I'm gonna go back to Stanhope's way for my check and go back to Colorado and just do local comedy Do fucking radio gigs and shit like that I already had an escape plan I Went up there and as I was getting ready to go on stage eddie griffin came and sat next to her Now the night I went on stage that monday night when I first came to town I bumped into eddie griffin, but eddie griffin didn't leave He was in the back of the room talking loud

While I was on stage But he watched me So when eddie griffin saw me showcasing for mitzi he sat next to mitzi And he didn't really let anybody talk to mitzi because that's the secret God rest the soul of showcasing for mitzi Was surrounding her so nobody could talk to her while you were on stage Because she would not pass you if she didn't see you But she wouldn't make she wouldn't

Like she wouldn't stop people from interrupting her. She would talk to them dog. Everybody wanted to kiss her ring Everybody wanted to kiss her ring. So as soon as she sat in that edge chair Everybody would come in her direction waitresses managers comics future comics open micers I mean fucking everybody. She was like dana white like she was that powerful. She could change your life It was like that contest like uh the ultimate fighter. You know what I'm saying? It was like that like she's the fucking host of the ultimate fighter

And I went up there and I I mentioned something about being cute And I did okay. Lee I guess and when I walked past as she grabbed my hand And she smiled and she goes can you come back next week and do 10 minutes? Oh my god, and I go yes And she goes you were very funny or something like that and that was it bro Like I was like, oh my god and then people were like well That's what she loves to do make it come back and then tell you no So now I had to live another week of torturing yourself of torturing myself and doubting myself that I was in each shit

But again, I went out every night And I did a fucking spot And I did a couple spots and then I was introduced to felipe a guy by the name of felipe And woolly bar center one of those latino nights And they would give me tuesday and wednesday nights They gave me that first tuesday and wednesday night. They paid me 40 dollars With a burrito each night. Oh sure 40 dollars in those days was a lot of fucking money Lee 40 dollars for one show so I would do like

Two open mics and then get in the car and shoot down to felipe's room and pick up 40 bucks That whole week I didn't go to the store. I didn't hang out at the store. I wasn't one of those guys at all I just went I did I got an improv spot that week I worked hard for the 10 minute showcase. I'm not asking you to do it, but do you remember that 10 minutes? Not even close really okay. I didn't know if you had it remember not even close. I know that I went off That night I went down there and I was turning 34 years old The night I had to do 10 minutes was my birthday february 19th. Shit. I wasn't even here a month I got to town january 29th

And it was february 19th And I was doing 10 minutes for mitzi on your birthday. My mother died I quit high school I ran from the law. I robbed people I went you know, I got locked up. I got married divorced. I had a kid I got a gang from me because I was basically a fucking loser And I was 34 fucking years old with no direction No direction like this was all again well up to this night

My whole life had been thrown away Up to this night. That's how I had to really think about it Like if she makes me a fucking regular what next? Like it took me two years 18 months to get on stage I was so scared of getting on stage Do you know why Lee no because I feared that night Of being like a good comedian. Yes, I feared Exactly what was happening. I feared it

I was scared that my life was going to change That's freaking Did you want it to change? Oh my god in the worst way In the worst way I wanted my life to change Lee I couldn't live like that no more. I was just a fucking disaster I had become everything my mother didn't want me to become Do you know what that feels like? She wouldn't have liked you being a comedian. I'm not saying that but

Up to the age of 34. Oh, I had no Fucking direction every move I had made was wrong How fucking pathetic is that? The move I was scared to make That was going to change my life And I knew it I knew it for 18 months. I knew it if I get on stage Something good might happen, but I would go now nothing's gonna happen I was so fucking scared and here I was

on my 34th birthday Showcase for fucking messy sure It's it's a it was fucking surreal It was fucking surreal. It was like when my mother died for two or three weeks When somebody dies you think it's a dream For like a month you walk around in shock your mind is really in shock You don't really accept it. You tell your friends you're okay But you're walking around like you got hit the fucking head, you know

And Here this that that's how I felt like that Like I'm 34 years old. I've never got it, right So this is going through your head as you're pacing. Oh my god about to go on stage. Yes Sure, you're not going over your material and you're not No Sorry about that. No No

Holy shit, you're not thinking about your material. You're thinking about Why are you in this situation? It's I know people have been up here for 10 years and they can't become irregular You know, I know people showcase for four or five times in a way better comics to me Obviously, I've seen them fucking they're way better than I am And Mitty turned them the fuck I've seen them. They were way better comedians than I was But she there's something she liked about you and then freaked you out. It freaked me the fuck out I went up on stage I did my fucking 10 minutes

I got I did eight or nine minutes because I got off as soon as I saw that like I didn't want to go over that light at all That's so funny. I did like my nine minutes. I fucking did what I did on stage And when I got off she stopped me again and she goes start calling them for smart tomorrow. You're a regular congratulations At any point, did you think about the people who had told you that she was gonna love you? But they were fucking right. Yeah. Yeah, it was Steve McGrew. It was just a couple certain comedians But Steve McGrew was the guy that told me when I was 18 months in He goes Mitty shows and I love you. That's why till today me and Steve McGrew are such good friends

Even though he's crazy on fucking Twitter Give me some Tony Bennett. It's Monday I want to be around To pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart Some somebody twice as smart As I So now, you know, you sit there and you reflect and you go, all right, joey see you got into the store after six fucking years What the fuck are you crying about? I didn't I'm not crying at all. I'm telling you the story of my relationship with Mitty show

So after she told me I was a regular she said to me to But I should dress up like for down cast trial And and bring a cigar up on stage. I mean she was just wacky Trying to throw me off now. Let me explain some to you people Getting to the comedy stories one thing Staying there Is another she would kick you out. She wouldn't give you spots. I didn't say that I said getting to the comedy store is one thing

Staying there is another The night I got passed she passed three other people Those people longer I see one guy once a year at Marie T. He's drawing pictures of some shit now Getting there is one thing staying there is a complete different of the picture All it takes is her walking in one night and you're taking a bomb on stage and it could be that quick She gets a report that you keep bombing You you get high up there that you don't you're done like you stop getting spots and there's no explanation

And then people end up in the psychiatric hospital and I'm not kidding you Lee When you there was remnants see when you go to the comedy store now they cleaned it up But for years there was remnants of comics that were still left off in the Kenneson days That was still like fucked up on blows still waiting for the party. I mean it was fucking sad It was sad So there were all these remnants of all these comics that had hung out there for years That mitzi didn't let that didn't make a regular like they showcased like 13 times for her And she never made them a regular and they still hung out up there

And it was sad So again getting to the comedy stores one thing Staying there is another And you wanted to stay there now at this time. Yes now at this time The word on the street was if you got two spots a week you were lucky Okay So you had a calling for spots on monday So you had seven nights to pick what

most people Didn't call in for tuesdays because it was black night in the main room And that meant that the parking lot would get full And white people wouldn't come to the comedy store because it was surrounded by black people. This is a true story So on tuesday nights comics would call in and call Wednesday through saturday What happened was as soon as i became a As soon as i got past at the store

A week later they were posting for a job as telemarketers So i applied for one of the jobs of telemarketing the afternoon so i would sell cigars in the morning And then about one i'd go to the comedy store and in those days it was me Shea matash was and i spoke to her two nights ago. She's a comedian in las vegas The manager was and mitchell who ended up buying the club on wilshire A comedy club on wilshire. He was the telemarketing manager And the other guy that worked in the room was the guy i told you from marie et Thought i see once a year and in those days

Our job was to call businesses and give them free tickets That's it? I would call like larry's body shop. How you doing? This is joey dears This i'm calling you from the comedy store. I wanted you to come out when was the last time you went out and see great entertainment And oh, it's been three years come to the comedy store. Let me give you 20 tickets. They they would give it away tickets that wow So i would get a commission And i would get uh like a dollar if they showed up

The other scam was there was these getting free in the comedy store cards That was the other scam at the comedy store So if somebody came through the door and gave you that card with your name on it, you got a dollar on friday So you were supposed to give those cards out So no you didn't supposed to move who the fuck you think you're dealing with some asshole I would take those fucking cars and take the bus to universal city And I would stand in the middle and give them to tourist And I would get 60 fucking people a night my friend

Shit, and then it's friday and saturday, you know what i would do There was a line And without the door man seeing me i would go to the back of the line and give away like 50 tickets Bro, they never figured out they couldn't figure out how i was getting 300 hours a week from them Holy shit, but But legitimately I would take a bus to universal city in the afternoon and give away 100 cards three days in a row It's brilliant. Just give it the way to people. You know, you're a tourist Who's not gonna take a free ticket? Yeah, and people would go give me three of them. Give me four

And once I finish I get back on the bus and I go right over the hill or whoever will let me that car For an hour, and that's how I did it A dollar a piece. Yeah a dollar a piece. I didn't fuck around So when I was working in the telemarketing office, I would hear all the complaints upstairs Pauli had an office upstairs And then another guy had an office Scott day had an office up there So I could listen to what was going on in Scott day's office. Well, they When mitzy would call him when they were talking about spots

So they didn't like primadonis They didn't like people called that Wednesday through Saturday So she wouldn't give them spots right off the bat. I figured that out right off the bat You heard them talking about it. That's crazy. So I would call in Monday through Sunday And the most prestigious spot at the store in those days was Sunday night The early emcee and the late emcee The early emcee was seven to ten and the late emcee was ten to close

The guys who ran that emcee room for years were like David Letterman was a host for her Uh, what's the guy from full house? Oh sagan bob sagan was a host there freddy soda was a host for her That was a prestigious position And I wanted that fucking job So the early host would be bobo shack He's not around but he's a dear friend I thought I would see him this week because he's a comedy store and the late host would be uh

freddy soda So I would show I would always make I would always show up on sundays when she was there And try to get on stage in front of her So she would see her development and I always was honest with her So like she would put me in the main room and I'd bomb and I'd see her during the week And one time I told her don't put me in the main room no more Because I'm just bombing in that and that was it. She made me go up every fucking time At the same spot to make me bomb

You know like she knew You know with greg jackson this to mma How to take a fighter and sculpt them that's what she was to comedians You know, uh the next couple weeks or what you guys saw on twitter There was a lot of accolades about her and stuff like that And trust me is the same people that talked shit about it 10 years ago I was there with her for 10 fucking years straight. I dealt with her on a weekly fucking basis. She called me fat baby She put my name fat baby on the roster. You know, I never got banned from there

I did a lot of crazy shit even though she figured out, you know, I mean I took my dick out Behind julie kinchiali one time on stage And then I took my dick out on a friday night with some chick I took my dick out like three times like in four weeks and finally I bumped into and she's like don't they get dick out no more Okay, it's quite a workplace. Oh my god. It was fucking crazy. Remember from 97 To about 2006 The asylum was run by the invicts We ran that fucking place. Don't take your dick out anymore. Don't take your dick out anymore

But she also made me the house emcee Now two nights ago you and I she did on sunday nights from ten to close Which for me was a big time honor Because I knew the people who had that position before let me tell you something When I first became a regular at the store Everything else in my life stopped me You can go to the other spot as much I didn't go anywhere. I went to open I went to open mics and paid rooms But I just belong to the county store

It's very weird Nobody ever liked me. I never went to montreal. I never do no festivals. I never got invited to anything But that never meant anything to me. You know why? Because I was always a regular at the store mitzvah sure like me I kept that in the back of my mind for years when I nobody liked me. I couldn't even get a fucking agent week I couldn't even get an agent for county. No comedy agent. Whatever fucking signed me But she was still giving me five spots a week So she saw something did she manage anybody?

No, no At that time At that time by the time I got to the store She was getting older She wasn't up there every night. She was only up there like two or three nights a week, but she was there every day She was there in the daytime monday through friday In saturdays, I think I think she was there like six days a week But she knew comedy, you know like that's weird that nobody else fucking gave me any love nobody guys

You know when I tell you I didn't get nothing people were getting signed by three arts and CAA and ICM all around me bro, and nobody people would fucking run from me But she kept giving me spots But I believed it the reason why I went to 418 was because I believed in comedy Like once she made me a believer. I was all in fucked health Fuck everything else. It's all about being a comic Which also gave me a green light to be dangerous I was dangerous. I did blower every night

You know, I did promiscuous shit. I did crazy shit You know, I met some fucking crazy people at the comedy store in the beginning There were these black bank robbers down there That had a front as a cell phone store in Crenshaw or fucking Compton And I was friends with them through Eddie Griffin. Trust me. I was doing some fucking kinky shit for a few years there I'm really fucking lucky that I never ever ever I even do you know that okay before I fucking was the host after the telemarketing the vision closed And then it's Mitchell closed

They wanted to do something with me. I needed a day job So Bob Oshack was the driver Five days a week. He wanted to be a writer So he gave me the job two days a week So on Wednesdays and Fridays. I was a driver there at the comedy store. You know that right? For who for any and whatever they needed I would have to go to the hardware store and pick up materials Oh, okay. I would have to pick up a tongue sandwich for mitzi At the the one Jewish deli and bring it to a house and drop it off and give it to the maid

That was her favorite lunch She would get it once a week tongue sandwich. I would make deposits. I would get change I would get posters. I would do a thousand things a day. I work like from 12 to 6 Two days a week. I was also a runner at the store But then once I started getting like at first the first two years. I was a regular at the store. I didn't travel And that was done purposely That was done purposely because I found out that She had to know she could count on you

Do you know I'm saying like she had to know So I remember when I became a regular that first week I had comedy work in northern california one of the clubs at that tommy tees And I don't know one of those it's close to oakland Pleasant and I think pleasant to the same places and I canceled it. I was opening for somebody I was featuring for somebody And that first week she made me a regular. They were like cancel that shit You don't want to be gone and then she you call it a second week as she forget who the fuck you are, right?

So I focused on the comedy store for fucking my first three years like I didn't leave till 99 Was when I started traveling. Were you still doing the uh telemarketing for them? No, the telemarketing division closed like Three months in okay. She got into an argument with the dude and that was the end of that And then fucking I was I always sold cigars And then when the cigar thing died down at that time I sold screws and nuts on the phone and bolts and There was another company on ivar and you would have to be there at five in the morning So I wouldn't even sleep

I would just go right from the comedy store right there five And sell screws and bolts and that's when I started faxing different bookers And I would write my name is Joey Diaz. I'm a regular at the comedy store I'm managed by such and such these little weeks. He got me these little weeks I have open and nobody would reply to me nobody would reply to me nobody would reply to me Finally boom one booker replied to me next you know another one and every Monday I would just fax like every day. I would fax a different booker from that job

That's when I started faxing resumes every fucking day. I would fax 10 resumes to 10 different bookers And did mitzi tell you to start going on the road? No, you just thought it was the right time I just thought it was the right time. I met joe rogan like probably 98 was when I met joe 97 And I think the first road date I did with him was like 98 But at that time chris maguire opened for joe full tonner You know when joe first started touring it was chris maguire who opened for him

And then chris started writing more And then me and joe became tight again and that that was that story so And then something else happened in 2000 that I forget to mention Like 99 I started traveling heavy When I say heavy I would disappear for seven months of the shot Come back for a month Do a couple auditions have a few meetings and I disappear again And I was getting funnier and funnier on the road the comedy store was just carving off the fact

You know I'm saying would you come in and check in every comedy store? Yeah, if I listen in those days If I I would if my plane landed at eight I would call in for a spot I would have the taxi cab or whoever dropped me off at the comedy store and I put my luggage in the manager's room Fuck like that's the first place I went to when I got off a plane I couldn't think of not being there When I became a regular February 19 From that time on for maybe two years straight. There wasn't a night I missed there I was there seven nights a week

At one point in the night I would show up there Because god forbid you caught a fallout because my spots were always lately I was always 1245 1215 115 in the main room, you know this to go up at 115 the main room on a Saturday night. That's perfect in new york It's a late the same late city here. No, there's not that many people there 130 now 40 people 50 people But that's how I learned how to rock she put you through that She put you through a special regiment like that's what I'm saying. She was like a great jackson

But you didn't see it. I didn't see it till later years I was always very proud of being a comedy store regular always I've always been very proud of that fact. That's something you cannot take away from me My name is on that wall. You could call me a thief. You could say I'm a felon You could say whatever the fuck you want, but that's one thing that I really really earned Was my name on that fucking wall And it meant having my name on that wall meant everything to me Like that's it even as a I did something

It proved to me that I did something whether I became with it or not Listen, man. I I stayed up there As one of her loyal regulars for 10 years straight. I got five spots a week Plus I hosted And then there's a time in your life when you have to move on man. You have to decide what you're gonna do I felt I was there all the time and I had seen what had happened to people who were there all the time If you notice now I go to the comedy store very limited. Did you notice that? I believe once or twice a week. Maybe there's a reason for that

Because I'm scared to go back to that place where I was That's a long week at the comedy store What do you think would happen if you didn't I just don't know like it's just a comedy store. It's one of those places that you have to keep in your life But keep it distant Keep it close but keep it distant at the same time Not that you don't take comedy seriously, but you've done priorities now you have a family. Yeah

And that's probably one of the reasons why let me give some shout outs here Beto Duran Oscar Lopez ace of so-called Rumpel foreskin Tommy Enos time more Nicholas Griswold Kyle Pallet beautiful little dog. You got that Lenny Gonzalez and Bobby Sharon over there with the cobra cast and fucking Austin Texas bitches This was just I wanted to do this podcast of the tribute to mitzi short man I felt that I

I just ordered an hour of my fucking time. I ordered more for what she did to me She was one of those angels. I always talk about in life that come into your life and get out of your life But they change your life forever and you never know the answer, you know, why they could have this happened I don't know how i'm a comedy store regular still today 20 years later I don't know but it was like a family to me like a family had taken me in like I took it seriously, man Like to me it meant the world to be a fucking comedy store regular And still today I were like a badger mother. I was made by fucking mitzi I wasn't made by no manager and nobody called me in nothing. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

I was you know picked by her. I did two showcases. She made me a regular. I was a regular there In less than a month. Can you fucking believe that till this day? I still can't get over that how people are here for years. Even rogan wasn't unpaid regular for a while And I mean, I know people are gonna say oh, it's just another day. It's on your birthday. That has to be that has to fuck with you at least once It changed my life forever, man. Like right there. I knew I was staying Right there. I knew I had to figure out what I was gonna do with my life right there. I knew that I was in the big leagues I wasn't big time. I was a small fucking fry in a big pond

So I kept my mouth shut I watched I listened She made me follow Paul Mooney for like a year and that really got me going Between Paul Mooney, Dom Marara and AJ Jamal. I became a comedian training behind them They were like my sparring partners and I lost every fucking night. It was ridiculous It was fucking ridiculously I didn't start getting laughs at the store till like 2003 2002 was when I started like really getting the niche of the store

It took me like four years to get the niche of the room. How I lasted those four years. I have no fucking idea I can't imagine loving a place so much and going there to bomb I wasn't bombing I was learning something new every night. You have no idea what it is to go on At midnight Or at 12 15 that stuff Brody does that's a different world to comedy That's a complete different world. It is an hour Huh, it'll do an hour sometimes. Yeah, it's a different world of comedy at midnight

Think of what somebody's head is at at midnight. What the fuck were you doing out at midnight? You know, like I would go up every night at 12 45 10 to 1 What the fuck is out? vampires There would be eight nine people in the audience So my first three years of comedy I basically performed five nights a week For eight or nine people every once in a while, they'd be 30 if I was fucking lucky That's and I mean how how much of a big deal

We were talking about going and just being at the store But would the store have had the same appeal of mitzvah wasn't there? And I think she was like a huge part of it You know for years growing up a lot of you guys don't remember There was evening at the Improv I've heard of it. I That was a show that was on A&E early on and it was uh comedians were going stage and then they would think Fucking uh, you know bud Friedman, thank you and bud would sit there with his little monocle wave and shit

And it was kind of cute and then you move out of here and you realize that that's all bullshit Those people don't even talk like that. You know what I'm saying? Like you you see behind the curtain and you start getting negative about it I didn't feel that way with mitzvh With mitzvh, we just talked Like was she the legend that she was she saw something man A lot of people were there sandra bernhardt the black chick from the view

With the dread that one woman show upstairs. What's her name? Oh our whoopee. Yeah whoopee goldberg The comedy store runs deep guys. This is deep deep deep Sometimes you go down a little high and you look through the yearbooks And you see like actors in there like Andy Garcia Andy Garcia Was part of an improv troupe there on monday nights

I think if I'm not wrong david levin was part of the improv group on monday nights like the biggest night at the comedy store Was monday nights and Andy Garcia was part of that like I can't tell you how many people went through the comedy store At different phases of their lives. You remember when I told you that I don't know if you're gonna be a stand-up comic But I know that this is gonna point you in the direction Right. Yeah, it's the same thing with the store Some people got to the store and Austin they went Wait a second. This isn't what I wanted to do This is not what I want to do. I do not want to follow fucking whoopee goldberg every night

I do not want to follow christa lee. I do not want to follow richard pride This is not what I thought they just changed careers Really just because of who they're following. No lee. I'm just saying that It it's a realization of what this is Right when you get to the store after you've been in chicago for seven eight years fighting for your life doing open mics And you move out here and you sign with a manager and you get to the comedy store And you go up there and you see all these fucking names that you grew up liking And you grew up watching that you grew up watching their specials on comedy essential

That affects people different ways people go fuck. I'm here. This is a bit too scary for me Do you know I'm saying like it becomes real when you get to that level Like this isn't the fucking fucking around level. This isn't you and your buddies in the basement Going someday. I'm gonna be a comedian at the comedy store. No, this is real now. Now you're following people Now you're in that fucking mix. I told you that four weeks ago. I fucking had a sit one night on the cooler Because I had to bring up fucking Martin Lawrence. Like are you fucking crazy? Like I've been doing comedy for 27 years and I've never been blown away And that night I know Martin I did Martin's fucking specials on that network

stars In 2003 before anybody was doing stand-up He signed up with that dude Doug and did a stand-up show and I was one of the comedians I know Martin Lawrence, but that night when I brought him up And I went to the back and I'm standing there with Rogan and fucking Joe and Mickey Gal and fucking Calvin Gastelman and here's fucking Martin Lawrence up on stage. I'm sitting there going This state this place still blows me back 20 years later You know, that's the magic of the comedy store. It wasn't getting there. It was staying there

That's what she taught me Getting there was one thing staying there for 20 years is a complete other thing And the only reason why I'm in this why I have a wife why I have a daughter Why I have this podcast with you is because of Mitchie Shore And what she did to me that night on my 34th birthday So when I talk about People and uh, thinking that this was a catwalk. It wasn't a catwalk for anybody

Just the fact that I got to showcase for that woman in my lifetime. I was blind bars guys I went through a fucking diagnostic. I mean, you know, I talked to a prison psychiatrist And here I am in front of Mitchie Shore showcasing and then to make it worse I become a fucking regular I thank her. I thank her for giving me my wife my daughter This podcast all the things that happened to me through comedy happened to me Because of the comedy store on Mitchie Shore Thank you very much for listening tickets for columbus this week

I sold out but tempi i'm coming the third the fourth and the fifth let the mexicans fucking run loose Anyway, rest in peace. Mitchie shore. Thank you very much Forgive me the for showing me the journey of comedy man Thank you for letting me into your club and thank you for Teaching me how to become a comedian. Thank you. I want to thank Fuji sports. Listen like I said in the beginning of the show You're a fat fuck. You're thinking of joining jujitsu. You're gonna buy the wrong gear. Don't even fuck around go write the fujisports.com right now Take a look at that line. They got a purple gi. It's like a 99 dollar gi. It's like an off It's not blue. It's not white. It's not black. That's a great beginner gi. That's a great gi

It's comfortable unless the school wants a white gi Then get yourself a fucking separito or an element an element tonight starting gi It's light. It's fucking durable. You can hang on you a fucking gorilla can hang on my fucking collar And nothing will happen go to fuji sports.com if you're a big guy you're looking for rash cards Also, joeydeers.net has big rash cards for you fat fucks also So we got some fucking rash cards rocking the house for you. Also I want to give a shout out. Oh, first of all, if you like something from fuji or the checkout press church Bam and get 10 off because uncle joey sent you there. All right number two

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Don't forget to look for augury marcus's book Go on amazon type in augury marcus. I don't know the name of the fucking book right off hand right now But I got a copy at the house. I got a read and I read like the first day of pages and it was very motivating So go to uh amazon. I think there's somebody augury martin book augury marcus book And that's it. That's that this podcast was from mitty shaw and just to let you guys know It's not getting there. It's what you do. What the fuck you get there. You understand me We'll be back Wednesday. Stay black. Uncle joey loves you. Have a great week Foodie sports. I love you on and I love you. Kick that fucking meal. Lee

And uh now The end is near And so I face The final curtain My friend I'll say it clear I'll state my case Of which I'm serving

I've lived A life that's full I traveled each And every highway And more Much more than this I did it my

Way Regrets I've had a few But then again Too few to mention I did what I had to do And saw it through Without exemption

I planned Each charted course Each careful step Along the highway And more Much more than this I did it My

Way Yes, there were times I'm sure you knew When I fit off More than I could chew But through it all When there was doubt I ate it up

And spit it out I faced it all And I stood tall And did it my Way I've lost I've laughed and cried I've had my fill

My share of losing And uh now As tears subside I find it all So amusing To think I did all that And may I say

Not in a shy way Oh no Oh no, not me I did it My way For what is a man What has he got If not himself

Then he has not To say the things He truly feels And not the words Of one who kneels The record shows I took the blows And did it

My Way My Yes, it was my Way