Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #578 - Dean Delray

Episode Date: April 24, 2018

Dean Delray, Comedian, actor seen on "Maron," and heard as the Host of the "Let There Be Talk" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:    FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.    Recorded live on 04/23/2018.


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They got rash guards that they always got a sale on something going on go to foodie sports right now That's what I use. I love them motherfuckers people pull on me tug on me Foodiesports.com right now 10% off put in the word church. There you go. Kick this fucking mule Lee It's Monday the 23rd of April Out of respect oh Shit One day afternoon you bad motherfuckers Who much for granted your fuck

Churchill what's happened now The Christ killer Dino Rizzi Bad motherfuckers Oh shit Oh Fucking metal gods the best oh man Judas Priest the reason why I opened up with that is my my brother my musical fucking Menta Dean del Rizzi went to see Judas Priest last night. What's the review brother smoking man really good? Yeah, you know they

First of all the fucking show was packed It was at the big one the Nokia theater they changed the name Microsoft, but it holds I think about 8,500 seated and That thing was full to the gills and then their stage show looked like an 80s Like they spent money like a lot of bands out there are going cheap now They just got a couple Screw screens over the amps, you know these guys had a fucking show man They put the money in and killed they're playing old shit running wild

Sinner it was like one two punts running wild into sinner. I was like I already got the money's worth right here Yeah, and the lineup was tremendous. Oh, they had Saxon Which to me is one of the greatest, you know new waves of British heavy metal bands, you know Saxon with denim and leather and Dallas 1 p.m. Motorcycle man. Those guys are underrated man underrated. I never really got into them I was passed. I was like into something else when they were out there killer. It was like at the time I'm mad and that one would be why We had except this couple of them. I don't really know my right here right here. Yeah. Yeah, that stuff Yeah, yeah, you know your right heap is an old band. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I know about your right

That shit man Saxon is just they got this singer his name's biff bifert and he the guy can Still right now. He's probably like, I don't know Lee. Look at it. The guy's probably like 72 or something What about how for how did he sound he sounded amazing victim of changes? That was the only one they didn't do They did a an old song off stain class But they didn't do victim they say it's in hell. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's a guitar. Yeah, 67 67 what about you said at the end Tipton came out. Yeah, then the last three songs metal gods You what was the other one he did? Living after midnight and one other song he came out

It was amazing how they did they went off and then boom He just appeared by himself on stage all dark just a spotlight on him people went crazy And he whipped into metal gods. It was doing the moves had the shades on the leather He looked great played great. It was awesome to see him You know this Things you remember in your life There's things you do and then people remind you and you see your friends, especially when you get to 50 Yeah, 40. You see your friends from high school and they remember me. I

Was such a Sabbath led Zeppelin guy like that's all I needed. You know saying at one point in my life That was all I need Then my buddies turned me on to learn it skin and it's like, yeah But streets of I was just so good. Yeah, but I was still like loyal to them And then one day I'm in study hall and this kid Steve running that I still talk to the kids of my nieces. I'm going to Wedding August 1st in Denver. I mean, you know, they're my family the right at that time Little did I know that they were gonna dot me. Yeah, me and him were in study class and he passed me the cassette To unleashed in the east and I remember taking the home goal. I am not listening to this junk

Oh This is fucking junk really do this fucking priest. What kind of name is fucking that? Yeah, you know at that time I still had that little faggy Catholicism Mentality like yeah, I wouldn't listen to master reality. I didn't like that Pope on the rope at the end of the rope You think he's a fool. I wasn't into that. Yeah. Yeah and I Put something made me put it on And I took the long version like usually I put one song on I could tell you like the dishes just not gonna work

Yeah, I left the whole cassette run and by the time they got the center That's the one I forget what side I what side was on the cassette. I forget that order of shit Yeah, but I knew when he was like the center. Yeah guitars came in and Victim of changes fucking took me to a different level and just on the strength of those two songs It was like a quick transition. I became a priest fan the first Priest how my bought was I went gave the cassette back and bought on least in the east Yeah, and I could not believe how great they sounded like like we grew up on live music and albums

You know the other day I was in Columbus and I felt like talking about it on stage. Yeah, I'll tell you what the biggest Kick I got for me was growing up between the ages of 12 and 17 Really the years that my mother was alive 16 I'll tell you why because you have to put them together to be allowed to do and that's something that we don't have in this country No more called the midnight movie. Oh, yeah Every Saturday there was a midnight movie the movie theater if there was two movie theaters and say if it was Lemley

Yeah, they would have two movie theaters going one would definitely be the rocky horror picture every time midnight every time And the other one would be at that time Song remains the same. It would be the song is the same Pink Floyd live a Pompeii. Yeah, Neil Young With the crew they had a movie that came out for a while boring as fuck Yeah, you know even high on acid. You're bored to pieces But then Neil Young came out with crazy horse that movie came out, I think There were a couple bands who had movies the memorable two were Pink Floyd live a Pompeii and Sorry means the same. They probably had an eight fucking

Eight fucking movie rotation at this fabulous cinema But we but I tell you what movie they did have at midnight one Saturday because it was just overwhelming Yeah, apocalypse now. Oh, we went to the midnight and it was just heavy fucking duty Like at midnight when that double barrel sunshine is peaking like when that acid is peaking when you're tripping Yeah, you're freaking out on the bus. You're getting off the bus You don't even know if it's a red light or yellow light or green light You just walk across the street your friend has to pull you out of the street because you're tripping Yeah, you think the cars 30 miles or what 30 yards away, but he's really three feet away

Like that's how sizzling we'd be When we'd stand on line for that movie theater and it wouldn't just be us. Yeah, if there was 80 people standing on line 60 of them were tripping balls just like we do with the same acid from the same neighborhood we got it and Sneaking booze until all Walsh mit yeah those flat vodka bottles get the big one Walsh mit that's that the silver label kids down the pants Yeah, right down the fucking pants and you got something inside to drink it with I had a friend who would just drink the silver label straight I was never a vodka straight. No snack bar needed. No snack Shit you would the once the movie turned off. Yeah once the light went down Lee you would hear 60

30 of these People flipping caps during the movie up in the air So you're tripping on acid and all of a sudden you see a fucking thing flying through the air People would take the beer caps off the gaps flick them flick them and they would fly through I could never do that Yeah, I had a damn and you'd be tripping your balls off and all of a sudden thing will go flying So you thought it was a fucking you thought it was a fucking flying saucer. It's amazing I like to think that like all the times have changed I just if the kids weren't doing that

But I was just one of those 20 kids who went sober got a diet coke and a small popcorn and like did none I like I just I went to one movie high in high school and it was it was hysterical, but like I just didn't I don't know I don't know why I didn't do it. Oh the late movie the midnight movie was just the best Because you were like out late style. I think yes had a movie. Yep AC DC let there be rock. We did not have that. Yeah later on though. They had that never I'm talking This is yeah, seventy seventy five through 81 yeah, these were the prime years of Midnight films movie houses that specialized in three film afternoons. Yeah, so especially in San Francisco. Yeah

On the main street off the tenderloin was I think his mission right busy street Yeah, yeah, right down that first intersection. There was a movie house that used to play three movies For two dollars. That's what you want to kill an afternoon. Yeah. Yeah, and you'd go in there at eleven forty five and walk out There at six fifteen You just sitting good guys. I did it a thousand times. Yeah, I did it a thousand times That's how I would keep up on the they do a Clint Eastwood festival. Oh, yeah Yeah, it's nice ever that way fast Conquest the real fucking eight all that one eight movie. I put it on the other

I couldn't even put up the most racist thing. I've ever saw I didn't feel like that when I watched the first time I watched the Apes. I just felt like a kid. Yeah, now that I watched a new one with Marky Warburg I'm like, this is the most racist fucking thing I have ever seen in my life Yeah, I didn't I haven't seen that but those early ones were just sci-fi listen, bro The fucking conquest of the planet apes When they took the masks off underneath the tunnel in New York City, and I'm living in New York City Yeah, so I'm fucking seven and I'm living in New York City And all of a sudden there's guerrillas living underneath the fucking buildings because they showed the trains and they showed the Statue of Liberty

I think oh, yeah, that's the planet. The Apes the eight the statue was down It's New York after the apocalypse and it's run by apes and one good-looking fucking white dude. Yeah I forget the blonde head dude. I forget what his name was Charlton Heston was the first one Was he? Yeah, he was the first one. Yeah, that was so great, man Remember the second one battle beneath the planet. It's my favorite. Yeah, whether worship in the nuclear bomb the nuclear bomb And they take their skins off that shit is creepy. Oh, that shit was fucking real That's that going whoa Wait a second. Yeah, and they had that creepy music playing. Oh, that was beneath conquest

Yeah, and then uh returned to the planet Yeah, yeah, it was five of them five of them. Yeah eight day man. My mom dropped me off at like 10 a.m 10 a.m. Dog and you would sit there till 6 6 30 all there eating popcorn and fucking Yeah, but how much of it of the of it was the acid that creeped you up because well at that time? No, you weren't doing Yeah, yeah, it was just kids if you went in there in the afternoon, you wouldn't be doing acid then you'd be smoking pot It was I think it was a way for our parents just to have a cheap babysitter. Yeah, you know, I mean 50 cents Yeah, nobody would bother you in there. You go with three your friends. You leave their fucking fire up You sit there and watch

Dirty harry and the second one. Oh, yeah, you leave their fucking. I remember taking a cuban refugee One time and that was the first time he had he was like wouldn't you clean eastwood? I heard about him in cuba. I never saw one of his movies. Oh, come on. It's like two bucks to get in Magnum force. Yeah, that's right. He didn't speak english. It was like dirty harry and magnum force But it was the scene that scene when he goes into the coffee shop. Oh, I love that It goes back in is the car smoking. Yeah. No, what is he saying? He says uh, is the car running? He says, how would I know? He goes tailpipe. He goes, ooh, that's terrible exhaust pouring out of there No, the other one see if you can find the lead when he goes in dirty harry coffee shop scene

Watch the coffee shop. Let's check it out When he goes back into the coffee shop this when you're a think of being a kid Yeah, watching this but here for me. I want my godfather and afterward We went someplace to eat and while i'm watching the movie. He goes put your hand out under the table Oh, and I go, okay And he puts a fucking A 44 magnum in my hand. Oh, he had one. He goes, this is the gun that you saw in the movie I'm like holding this gun

I gotta be out of the how old I am when I went to see that put your hand under the table Put your hand under the table Just a piece. He took the fucking bullets out and he gave me the gun to hold My dick was so hard Here we go Yeah, oh this sudden impact is the later one. Oh, okay. Let's check this out. Check this out. You know, so yeah, check this out God, I love him dirty harry's were my favorite, dude Look at the shades gargoyle. No, no, no this ain't this thing. This is not okay. Hold on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

Oh, oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is it. Oh, yeah, I love this This is killer like Oh, yeah, I love this you never saw this digitally. No, I haven't yet. This is great. Oh my fucking god How much sugar is you gonna put in that? A couple of diabetes Jesus Christ great scene This killer Oh

Now you're a fucking kids, you know, yeah, you're lifting weights You did real good with that cop now. I want everything money washes rings everything Quick move you come up with me mom. We go have us a little party So I love this look at this What you doing Pig head sucker. Yeah. Yeah every day for the last 10 years Loretta there has been giving me a large black coffee Today she gives me a large black coffee only it's got sugar A lot of sugar. I just came back to complain

How you boys put those guns down He's by himself. No backup. Nope. No pardon. Nobody wanted to be his partner four guys Whoa, we're not just gonna let you walk out of here Who's we sucker Smith and Wesson and me Yeah Oh my god Oh

This is great Oh This is what american was being like this was it like go ahead Make my day. This is it. This is it. Like this is this is fucking as good as it gets. I'm getting better. No, it doesn't Yeah When you were a kid, this is where you went to see. Oh, you didn't go see a super fucking hero move Look what I saw as a kid. Yeah, you think of time for fucking superheroes. Fuck your capes You know

Go ahead. Make my day Then he does the other one where he explains the gun tool. I don't uh with all this excitement I don't know how many shots are five. Yeah To the fire six shots or only five asking the coffee is psychic And then the guy goes I've gots to know And he cocks back the hammer. Oh that's one put that in leave six shots or five, man You had six shots of five This is too much. Oh, this is why he was my hero if you show this to kids

They won't go into a school because they know motherfuckers like this exists Hey, yeah, they're thinking now superheroes exist and shit and by the time the superhero gets dead they're fucking This is crazy. This is it right here. Okay. This is the all-time best seen by Clint Eastwood of all time insane This is so good. Look at this And and and all in San Francisco now, this is all San Francisco. Yeah, all San Francisco. That's what's amazing You were a kid and he's shooting movies. Yeah, right all over town

Oh, here we go And this guy did every fucking movie in the world every movie every every movie not much He was the fucking salesman in the outlawed joesie well. Yeah, that guy's jaffia Is that tan forwards to a part across the front of the bank tan I love this. It's my favorite Yeah, tan for engine running I don't know How can I tell sauce fumes coming out of the tailpipe?

Oh, that's awful. Look at that pollution Dude do me a favor, will you? Is this call this telephone number? Uh Yeah, tell him inspector Callahan thinks there's a 211 in progress in the bank But be sure in telements in progress, right? In progress Yes, okay, they're just genius the acting film Clint Eastwood destroyed the 70s. Absolutely destroyed the 70s. Absolutely

From the fucking eager sanction to this Yeah, it's a fucking I mean he destroyed the fucking 70s from half of the 80s every which way but loose every which The one with the fight. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah with the ape the gauntlet Look at this He's eating the hot dog. Yeah, he's eating the hot dog. He's eating the fucking hot dog That's as american as it gets shooting people eating the fucking hot dog. That's america I love this scene

I Taking dudes out and he always shot black people and nobody ever complained The nc double acp. It was just accepted that Clint Eastwood shot black people. Oh my god Here you go Great god's to know. That's my favorite And that guy did a thousand movies. Yeah, that black dude. It's been a thousand movies I love how this is cars driving around this is great It's not in any rush. Nope

He's just walking he walking This guy did a thousand fucking movies. He really did James Bond movie You'd plenty of time to grab that I know what you're thinking If I are six shots or only five Well, I tell you the truth and all this excitement. I've kind of lost track myself But even this is a 44 magnet the most powerful handgun in the world and would blow your head clean off You've got to ask yourself one question. Do I feel lucky? Well do you punk? Hey

I gots to know That's how the film opened that's how you believe this shit lately. This is I think Pressing This fucking guy outlawed Josie whales with the indian chief This is my all-time favorite. This is one of my all-time favorite scenes As a man, it's one of my all-time favorite scenes as a fucking film buff Like that scene with him in the indian to me is just uh, I don't know who wrote it The

Guys just fucking look at all the classics he did dude, you know Just just a line of right that first one right there. Just listen to his verbiage. How he says it Oh man, this scene this is just American this can be this is 77 I was fucking 14 the first time I saw this I saw this in the movie theater and I nearly died like I walked out of there I wanted to be an indian like that day. I was done like I gotta figure out how to become an indian Like this is it. This is the only thing we have. Yeah, like I wanted to be part of this shit You know he jumps now this guy's son has reached out to me

Oh, yeah, this guy did two movies this and he was the indian and You name it one float with a cookie. Oh my favorite. Oh chief chief Oh Dude chief. Oh Oh here you go I always wanted to look like eastward in these movies, you know Walk around town like that with a hat Fucking dirty beard. I've seen this scene. I gotta say 500 times. I've watched this movie

Yeah, I watched it three times two weeks ago as I'm like Oh, let's see what commercials and everything. Yeah. Yeah, I watch up to this While leave and I know it's coming back on at 11. Yeah I'll come home and catch the beginning of this with the woman in kansas the salesman This has 50 fucking good scenes when the indian questions him. Oh man. Look at this. Look at this 10 bears I am 10 bears Spit yeah, I'm josey wales Oh

I have heard You're the gray rider. You would not make peace with the blue coats You may go in peace I reckon that I would wear where to go. Let's meet him. You will die. I'd wear one of those. I think I'm half comanche I love to be a fucking man. I came here to die with you Sick I'll live with you

Dying ain't so hard for men like you and me. It's living. It's hard and all you've ever cared about has been butchered or raped Governments don't live together people live together Governments, you don't always get a fair word or a fair fight while I've come here to Give you either one or get either one from you I Came here like this so you'll know my word of death is true and then my word of life is then true The bear lives here the wolf the antelope the comachi and so will we I will only hunt what we need to live on same as the comachi does

And every spring when the grass turns green the comachi moves north you can rest here in peace Put your son of our cattle and jerk beef for the journey The sign of the comachi That will be on our lodge. That's my word of life And your word of death It's here in my pistols there in your rifles I'm here for either one these things you say we will have We already have

That's true. I ain't promising enough an extra I'm just giving you life and you're giving me life And I'm saying that men can live together without butchering one another God damn it's sick It's sad that governments are cheaped by the double tongues And there is iron in your words of death for all comachi to see And so there is iron in your words of life No signed paper can hold the iron

It must come from men The words of ten bears carries the same iron of life and death It is good that warriors such as we meet in the struggle of life More death It shall be life Just a masterpiece Joey I would faint right there if I had to cut my hand and shake an indian saying I would think But I'd have to do it. I'd have to keep it together and breathe

Ah, right look at this shit blood brothers and they're shaking left hands, which is fucking really weird Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is Tibet. This is this is just fucking tremendous. Oh, man Do you understand I hold the american indian like if I had to join I don't want to be part of an organization I won't even fucking go over and hang out with those guys over Comedy whatever where the podcasts are and shit. Yeah. Yeah, like I don't like it. I don't like it One of the you know, it's it's weird the different people who talk to you in their life When I was selling cars in 87 about a month before I got arrested I was out of control team Yeah, like I was out of control on the blow

And I knew I had these guys at the dealership. I knew I was a good salesman And I bought a car from them one day and I fucking they they hit me with like all these bills additional bills They tried to rob me And I went and grabbed the fucking sledgehammer and got on the cars on saturday in front of all the customers And I said if I don't get my money in 10 minutes, I'm gonna start breaking fucking windshield in here So they gave me a check and they sent me home for the day I remember I went home with this guy called carlos valverde He got busted shortly after that for bank robbery. He was a beautiful italian kid

Cuban italian kid or porto rican italian kid from boston And he was a bank robber at lunchtime Like he would rob a bank at lunch go to lunch rob a bank with his friends and then go back to work like nothing happened Oh, man, but they were hooked on heroin these guys. Yeah I'll never forget one day he that day he gave me the ride home. He asked me if he could use the bathroom And he was in there for a fucking an hour when he came out. I could tell what heroin was I'd been around it But the point of the story is that when I went back to work that monday The owner called me in the office and he sat me down. He was an old cool fucking white dude, you know

Country boy and he looked at me goes As anybody told you he goes you're one of my favorite people here when I come to work in the morning Sometimes I just sit here and watch the molars and watch you out there fucking around with customers how you talk to them and stuff Yeah, he goes, but I didn't even tell you. You're just a born renegade I fell in love with him. Yeah, he goes you don't do nothing of what we tell you here Yeah, but you still produce. Yeah, so I can't argue with you I'm the same way jerry when I sold the harleys. Yeah, they go you got to wear this. I'm like, nah You got to do this. I did everything. I wouldn't go to sales meetings. Yeah, all the other guys

I just want to sell cars, bro Yeah, all the workers would be like well fucking teen doesn't do any of that. Yeah, but teen sold 18 bikes this week Yeah, I would fucking kill them like I remember still having the Like every month some fucking anthony robbins comes in tight. Oh those guys reach your sales Oh the worst right and the whole sales force goes like suckers and you stay there by yourself Selling cars like a motherfucker Learning I wasn't into none of that shit me like I went to one anthony robbins seminar. I got robbed I tried to I took the notebook home. I did the exercises. I was still snorting coke. It didn't work

Yeah, yeah, you know if the notebook didn't work. I'm gonna give you a thousand to walk on coals You're fucking crazy. I'm gonna burn my feet fucking walk on coals Well, you know the thing about sales, man It's you got to understand survival and if people don't have survival skills They'll be terrible at sales because if they've got like backup plans or money in the bank or family or whatever They're gonna be horrible because they don't have any like I've got to sell this, you know It's really weird. I've enjoyed my life Because the decision I made early on that I wasn't gonna work for an hourly wage, right?

Like I'm in a decision early on that here's my life, brother Some months you make two grand and some months you make ten, but I'd rather live that uncertainty Then live under an income roof under a thumb. I did not ever want to have $15 an hour 600 a week. I know exactly how I was gonna bring home every week I lived under a budget even back then when I was selling cars at 25. I was reckless in the sense that If I wanted to live the way I wanted to live I had to sell cars. Yeah, it's a desperation thing. It's a Survival thing. Yep. Now. How did I have to live in those days? First off

I had to go to fucking cocos every night and get a burger and a fucking cocoa loco Yeah, that was you know, I had to eat lunch out. I had to buy suits I had to buy clothes. I had to pay for dike dry cleaning. I had to pay rent. I had to have a nice place You know, it wasn't fucking the Taj Mahal. It was a bedroom. I shared with guys, you know, like yeah a three-house three bedroom house with guys But you know, I want to do coke five nights a week. I want to be able to go to a bar and drink 50 bucks So I would make my own budget of what I need every month in my head and that's what I would strive for But most dealers learn how to

You know, like most car dealerships in those days would give you a draw on the 15th. Oh, remember that? It's like alone. Oh, it's like alone. Yeah, so it's like So what do you bills every monthly my bills are this this this okay? I'm gonna give you that on the 15th every month But I'm the 30th. It's to wash So anything if you had any over do you ever owe the money? No, if you didn't tell me your goal is to double that what they gave you right? That's your goal So what you do is like people like me and dean did Or the first two weeks we sold everybody a son got dick. We went to concerts. Yeah. Yeah, we took off

We took that check from the 30th Paid our rent and for two weeks. We don't give a fuck We don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Yeah Like sales call there's a guy out there. He has a power an envelope filled with money. He's looking to buy a car We'll go sell them a car. I'm not doing anything today So after you got that $1,500 draw now you got to make $1,500 and that's when I would go to work Yeah Because that's when people buy a car the last two weeks of the month

Absolutely the first week is when they go look they kick tires Unless they run into a salesman. Yeah When I learned that term, you know when somebody tells you that I'm buying a car for six months And all of a sudden you call them up two days later and they're like I bought a car and you're like what? Yeah, and you're like, huh, they ran into a salesman. No, I gotta become a salesman. I was because I was their friend I opened the hood. I didn't try to close him because I thought fuck you After that everybody got closed on the first try Yeah, I berated you the first time in there because I knew I only had one shot at you statistically

Yep through the stats. I know I only got one shot at you. Yeah There were a few people that you ask them one time They back off and you back off and then you take this coupon and you take their name and give them a brochure And you call them up and they come back two weeks later with their kid and buy the car Yeah, those people do exist But 80 percent of the time you got one shot at these fucking savages That's it. So you gotta you know what fuck all that nice guy shit Be nice nice nice and then before they leave, you know, I had a friend tom home. He was a loser

This guy was just a loser. Yeah, I was you know, we did a podcast a few weeks ago about Comedy and I really had to think about it before I came out and I remember when I got separated I had a spare bedroom I could not afford this place by myself My wife moved out and I was first doing comedy like my mortgage was out of fucking control compared And he begged me to move in normally you ain't moving in with me He was one of these guys that came here for six months We're getting trouble and then go back to colorado and get trouble for six months

And he was he would tell me all you gotta go to california and sell cars You fucking surf half the day and you sell cars the other half the day across the street People come in and give you money for cars. By the way, let me hang out with and I give it to you on tuesday You just came back from california. We were selling cars every day. Yeah, the guy was just benny the mooch, you know But that dude could sell a fucking car. Yeah. Yeah, his lifestyle was drinking drugs He could sell a car because his addiction. See those guys are they're addicted. Yeah, except yeah Those cracked little motherfuckers you put them on a phone six hours a day just enough till they snap Yeah till they eat that coke rock again

Glenn gary glenn ross yeah Always be close always be close So like I like with the car I have now i'm not gonna go back there But I bought two cars from the same salesman. Yeah, you guys never thought like oh, let me be nice and treat and like Oh, yeah, you wouldn't worry about the comeback. Oh, they come back. They come back once they buy a car Look, I bought five cars from this guy Six cars from the same fucking guy up there and super I believe in it. I believe in that system But most people don't have that belief they're fucking animals

Yep, and it and it killed me because this is the deal like if you live in studio city Right, we're in studio city right now and you and I sold cars at studio city Subaru And you live in burbank And you come into studio city to look at Me i'm a mom and pop operation. I can't do the same deal A big deal a downtown could do right when you go down those streets and you see those big dealers like van eyes You know they're selling a thousand cars a month selling a thousand cars a month So they'll take smaller deals

I hate those moochers. Yeah, that'll go across town and pay $300 cheaper for the same car. Oh and then can't come to us for service. Yeah Yeah, we'll tell you you can come to us. Yeah, we'll put you last on the list. Yeah. Yeah It's gonna take you eight hours of service and we're probably gonna bang you out for something every time you come in for being a douchebag I had this dick one time joe. He came in and and Rocked me for about seven hours And uh, you know, let me see it again in the sun It's blue or green. Do I want blue or green all day out in the 110 sun of fucking van eyes

And then the next day he went to another place and then he rode the motorcycle over to show me on monday Hey, look, I ended up picking up one. Uh, you weren't working yesterday And it just clueless that we work on commission. I was like, dude, I just spent seven hours with you. Oh, yeah I know, but uh, I was like get the fuck out of here. They don't know. They don't know. They don't know They got no idea. So after a while you get an attitude problem. Oh man, you do I think they know because like it wasn't being a server and they stiff you on a tip I think I think everyone has some people are dumb They think you're getting paid hourly too or something like some kind of salary, but no, it's pure commission. I've always tipped

Yeah, oh hell yeah, I was a kid. I've always tipped because my mother taught me to tip since I was a kid What's a tip a dollar give him to yeah, yeah, yeah, what's the real tip 20% of six dollars give me eight Give me give me the 10. What's the four dollar difference gonna make you know make somebody's day Yeah, it comes back to you 10 fold. Who gives a fuck. Yeah, who cares? I'm a fucking 10 when I go to these comedy clubs on the weekends before I leave I take I take 400 out in 20s Yeah, I love those 20s and then I go to a store and get like five 10s And you're getting 10s and 20s those uber drivers. I give them a $10 10 I get a five star rating. Who gives a fuck and they're happy. I gave them cash

It's off the books. Nobody knows nothing. Yep. What am I going to give them a tip on the app like some fucking jabrooni For the mutt does let me give them a tip on an app. No, I'm a fucking five. What do you give a fuck? You're going out with your girl. You want to impress the fucking girl throw the guy a five you make his night Yeah, you make his night day make his night even if it's a fucking fin you make this fucking night But people have no clue about that that life, you know, I was telling somebody we're not in the comedy business We're in the karma business. Yeah When you're in the plumbing business, you're in the karma business When you're a masseuse therapist, you're in the karma business when you're in acupuncturists

You're in the karma business. Okay. So I went to the acupuncture I told him today for the first time because I remember I go my shoulders have been a little slick lately Ever since I've been kickboxing. Yeah, I have no power in my punches. I'm having an old man I'm not looking to knock nobody out But because the extension hurts a little bit on the way out And lately I've been falling asleep on them and they kind of hurt. Oh, yeah He put some needles in there. He cut me. He goes, all right, let's get out of here. And all of a sudden he goes, wait up Are you gonna rush? I don't know. He goes, let's cup your shoulders. Yeah, that's priceless. Yeah

How about that's priceless going there tomorrow? You know when I go to jiu-jitsu And classes from 12 to 115 and you're still there with two rolling what you're teaching You know, there was a place I went to look that one day and the guy told me he goes class starts at 12 I don't want nobody hit till five till 12. Oh, I'll never forget that. I was like, you know what? I don't need to come here. Yeah, you're not a real teacher. Yeah, you're just fucking just a fucking punch in minutes and bro If class would end at seven to one

He would end at five to one and he'd have a suit on at 105 and he'd be out the door You gotta stick around and answer questions and roll around with the students and yeah, and that's why he had a shitty school He didn't know that he wasn't in the time business. He's in the fucking karma business Yeah, he's trying to sell minutes. Well, how do you guys deal with People treat like in the karma business when people treat you poorly How do you how do you stay positive and be like, oh well and like not give up like fuck it If ever people gonna treat me like this and I'll just give them this one of the greatest lines that's ever said in the movie

Was in bronx tail when the kids pissed and he goes that fucking kid owes me 20 bucks Because it cost you 20 hours to get rid of him. Yeah Yeah I got three or four people who I lent money to out of kindness in my heart and never even called back to say a friendly Fuck you. Yep. That's it. You know what? I know you I know you're broke, Dean Yeah, you come to me three times or $50 if I give you 300 And you come to me three times or $50 Three weeks in a row on a Friday. Like you said you were going to

I'm the type of guy that says hey forget the other yard now. Yeah, I know you're going to rough times I know I'm taking a lot out of you by this 50. I just want you to stick to your man word That's it. You know For for years. I was a punk For years. I was a fucking punk I was a fucking punk because I was snorting cocaine and it was letting me do things that was against my manhood Then something happened I became a man like those Indians like the man Clint Eastwood says he is

I didn't have to go to rehab. I didn't have to I made a decision And then I made other decisions with my life. That's what it is to become a man Is making decisions sticking by them and that's it This is the decision I've made and I live and I die by it. That's why the song my way by Frank Sinatra Is so fucking emotional because at the end of the day You know, what did Winston Churchill say success is moving From one area to another area and staying Excited about a subject that's something like that. He made a great quote, right, you know

We live in the same in the same room. We do podcasts. I do a movie I do a tv show one week Then we go on the road for a week. I don't want I never really wanted a job I love going on the road when you do a four weeks in a row it becomes a job. Yeah, yeah job that fifth week You're like, I don't want to take this week And it's a hell week that you didn't want but you took it because of the money These are choices that you learn about later on when to stop becoming a whore You have to be a whore first to stop becoming a whore. Yeah, you know what I'm saying?

Absolutely have to be a whore to stop being a whore 100 you know that whore that I had in me for for comedy When I stopped being a whore I became a comic but for fucking 10 years you got to be a whore Yeah, you know, you gotta take 200 when you know the guys walking with $3,000 You know, you got to take the small 200 because in your mind You're saying to yourself you might have got this 3 000, but you're only gonna do this three more times 10 years from now. I'm gonna get 3 000 for 15 years. Yeah. Yeah, so that's what happens now That's how your mind looks at it when you Become a man. Yeah, I was a whoring comedy. We did everything we come back. We get we get off a plane at six

We're on stage at eight for buck 50 somewhere. That's me every week tired Tired hungover. Yeah, no shower four hour plane ride another spot another spot. It's a spot It's a spot But that's for anything when you first start painting. Yeah, and when you first start painting until you get discovered You sell those pictures for $10 One day you're sending your apartment. You're like, I'm getting $300,000 a picture now I wish I'd go back and knock on Dean's door and get my 290. You know what I'm saying? Yeah But you had to do that to put it out there. You got to do it, man. It's like, uh, you know

fucking I flew in from uh What uh, Nashville sunday morning 9 30 Straight to the house start podcasting, you know, then uh Then do a spot then go see Judas Priest It's just like you got to keep moving when you're at that stage because you know Somebody else if you say no to the spot somebody else is going to say yeah, and then the call stop You know, yeah, that's what's weird when the calls if the call stops. So you got to always go. Yeah, I'm there I'm there even though I know I'm going to be completely tore up

But I get something out of it. I'll sleep tonight. Yeah, that's exactly the attitude. I'll sleep tonight Yeah, I'll sleep tonight, man. And that's it last month. The uh, you You invited me to do a show with you That I left there blown away. Oh, you got great press on what you did. It was the acdc reunion like a Not a reunion of so bonds got tribute the bonds got tribute and uh, you let myself and bill and Marin be a fucking part of the show I was a little upset because he let everybody else play on stage and you should give me a flute something I could have played the flute on soul stripper. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, something hilarious, but it was just such a fucking electric night Dean and I still want to thank you because Like I told the podcasters before the people listen that I've made me realize that I was missing live music Last night I was pissed when you text me. Yeah and said you were in priest. I was like god damn it But what I have really gone after a show. I'm tired. I know the baby jumped me as soon as I walked That's why I figured you weren't there. You know the baby jump. Listen to Columbus after three days It's like yeah as soon as I walk in now. She's right. I walked in at nine Oh at night in the morning. Oh in the morning. They were leaving at 10 So that first hour she was all over me telling me about a week the pictures we hung up pictures

My office is just covered in fucking kid pictures. Yeah And then they left which gave me two hours to run my errands fill up the tank get some weed I went to the bed and got the fucking chemotherapy. I did, you know I went and got a little fucking acai juice whatever the fuck. Yeah, there's a little uh, I said put your juice So I got some compucha. Yeah And then I went home and I just did my weekly errands Put the schedule together for the week and shit and they came back throwing the heat at 130 Like I usually take a nap wasn't happening. Yeah

She came in that door right to the office started with octanots Some other tv show and we ended up in her room watched another movie Didn't have to take up a frozen yogurt Yeah And we sat in there for 35 minutes talking about life and her birthday party. It's a year away A year away. Yeah, she's already planning her 60 year old birthday, but it's a fucking january. You know, yeah, yeah And then we went home. We watched another movie, you know Then she went in the tub and I'm the one that's got a drain. You know, it's just one of those nights

I know that if I leave I disrupt the whole patois of the fucking evening So now after nine if I got a gone somewhere last night, I would have gone to the store I thought about going down to the store red band was doing the show but back to your uh Your little acdc tribute, I mean you just had a fucking insane lineup I was crazy a musician that I had seen before but didn't really know right, but it didn't matter The guy behind the drums was sensational. Yeah, you know, you had the two bass players of death Nicky six and Rudy Sarzo Uh, you know, you had fucking the guy playing the guitar

Oh, Josh Z from san francisco that guy doing the anguished licks You could tell he had bought power rage when it first came out Yeah, like he had been playing that song. He was a real fucking angus guy like I've known that for 30 years Yeah, he was solid On the fucking angus licks. Oh, he was solid as can be. I mean I sat there in the sidelines and I was like I didn't know what to expect, but I wasn't expecting that. Yeah. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? I wasn't expecting that at all I was expecting Six fucking guys smoking in the boys room type attitude. Yeah fucking notes being thrown bad vocals

It was tight. You were tight. You were very tight, you know Oh, man, we only rehearsed one night to the night before, you know, but those guys are all pros, you know Steve played in the black crows for you know, his whole life and uh, and then michael devin played white snake the bass player Uh, and then, uh, you know billy row from chip boy who'd been on stage his whole life doing the malcom And then of course scottie in from anthrax Who's a malcom freak and has malcom tattooed on him and and plays rhythm guitar like malcom

these guys All they got to do is throw on the record for you know an hour and go. Oh, yeah Okay, it goes there and there and there and then we stepped on stage and it was uh You never know what's going to happen gear can break Uh, people could leave not show up whatever, you know, because we did it when I was 50 And everybody came for the comedy And then when we did the ac dc a lot of people left really yeah, I think because it was it was a huge mostly comedy fans of that one because it was at the time

My podcast wasn't as big as it is now So it didn't have as many rock and rollers, but this time If you look at the photos The first three four rows people are all wearing ac dc shirts And I went to the front door when they opened the front door and I was greeting everybody as they came in And people flew in from, you know, florida tampa uh, detroit portland

uh, philly New york guys came from all over the place for this thing. It was pretty uh Emotional for me because I was like wow, this is this is insane. You know, I mean, I couldn't believe it We got a pro video if you look at it. I've kicked in the teeth again with burr on drums Nikki six on bass. It's on youtube and uh, I think it's one of my favorite Hands down top favorite three things I've ever done in my life It was just loony, you know, and then you crushed it doing comedy. You were crushing it

I was I didn't crush it. I was it was a horrible set. Oh, you were doing great. It was great I made some girl cry. Oh people were upset. Oh people loved it. We were fucking upset I could tell Rudy Saizel's wife was looking at me weird afterward. Oh, no way man. You had a great set, man You had a great set. I don't think they wanted to they didn't like this set about me talking about molesting my wife They froze They were rockers, but they were still that white when they didn't know like What the fuck but I had a great night. I didn't even care About the set. I was just honored to be part of it and just to uh

God, I loved you having you there. It's 40 year anniversary of power age 40 fucking years and in two years will be 40 years that bond Scott passed So I used to do this acdc tribute to bond every year in san francisco Because it was right around the time of my birthday my birthday's february 3rd He died on the I believe the 16th. I thought it was the 19th on my birthday 19th 19th. He died on my birthday Yeah, he died on your birthday. So Every year I would do this and then when I moved to LA I didn't really do it anymore because I just didn't have you know, now he died in february of 80, right

Yep, february of 80, and then the back and black comes out like six months later I'm like, yeah, I mean we're going to see them august 2nd right there you go august 1st in uh the palladium of 80 79 80 80 oh after he died. Yeah. Yeah, he died and six months later. They had a fucking that album I still remember buying it and Hearing it the whole fucking like it didn't stop it caught on like fucking fire Flamethrower dude, it really did. It's really bizarre like when you think about how No band has lost a singer

Got a new singer and sold a hundred million records. It's the number two selling record of all time I believe behind thriller To do that is insane You can't even Add up the odds of that. There's just no fucking way You know, hey, here's a record with a new singer a new singer. I never knew it was number two Number two behind thriller. Yeah, I think it's I think it goes thriller pack and black Eagles greatest hits. I believe is that have you read the new bondscott book

I have about uh bond riding the stuff. Yeah, I believe he wrote that record 100 percent. What is the conflict with the book? There's no conflict that what what it is is I heard that it was the book reveals that he wanted to quit acdc Yeah, I mean, but we're also going off of interviews of friends You know like when you hang out and maybe you have a Long run of shows and you go, you know, I don't think I wanted to stand up anymore And you tell me that and then and then the next day you're normal people say stuff like I do it every three months, right, right So I think if you interview a guy who who was bond's friend, you know, and he's like, yeah, I don't know about this I want to leave the band. You don't ever take that to heart people have

Weird that, you know Weird things go on and we have insecurities. Yeah. Yeah, we do so whether it's your singer or bass player You know in your mind Things just become bigger. You know, you see the drugs and the alcohol don't help. Nope your Impression of yourself or what you're doing, you know, I mean that didn't help and At that time he was the biggest fucking jammy on that band. I think angus is young. Yeah, I mean angus is clean, right? Yeah, yeah, never drank a boo. Nope. Coca-Cola tea cigarettes. That's it. Yep. Yeah like that type of shit, but Bond was on a different level. I mean

You know, uh, I spoke to josh wolf last week and he was talking about how he got lit on to uh Let that be rock the out. Oh, yeah, I can't believe how good it is. Yeah, he missed that whole thing And you know when I read their stuff And I found out that, you know Whole lot of rosie was a true chick, right? He really did fuck a fat chick one night and he wrote if I mean he wrote

All those lyrics a lot of them, right? Yeah, he wrote them all all hundred percent percent of the writing And he did what we do On the line It's your love that I want It's your love All that shit all that shit is just overdose Oh overdose one of my all-time favorite fucking songs

That's how I let that be rock and uh Overdose is incredible and then on uh on power raids. They also have a type of a ballad Oh, well on power age they have bullet to buy them. Oh, yeah, give me a bullet to buy it on christ Jesus christ. I'll make believe it's you. Oh my god. Jesus christ. He just popped up with some shit. That was just uh It was funny because this morning when I got up. I got up at Five 59 on a dot. Yeah, I can always tell when you're up Coffee I called you like it's seven. Yeah, give a fuck jack. I don't care. I'll leave. Well, yeah

I don't back on any was still sleeping. I was gonna bitch. That's when we get the quality conversations Before the motor's moving get up bitch the motor is moving I've already done a cup and a half of coffee. I've already smoked five pop pipe fills I chewed two pieces of nicotine gum. I've tweeted. I've answered tweeted my agents know what to do for the week They got the instructions for the week. They're all sent on missions. Yeah. Yeah. I told one agent I better have my fucking money today I don't give a fuck what they gotta do And I got home from kickboxing and the thing was there and overnight that sent it on friday

Awesome. Check from santa anna. I still haven't gotten paid. What? Yeah, it kills me sometimes. That's why I told him. I said, hey man, I pay you deposits When I get back, I could give you the commission quickly. So there's no misunderstandings. Yeah, I've heard of clients getting behind them Oh What they end up on after a few weeks. That's a dumb move. You gotta do immediately because where else it's hard to give Get it out of your pocket You know Where's that fucking tony bettley?

The lead dog He's got bronchi. This is yeah, I think I think I think it's gone now mostly he's going to a lung doc. Oh, yeah That's a bad situation. You have no idea. Oh, no I want to be around To pick up the pieces When somebody breaks your heart Some somebody twice as smart As I

For somebody who Matt the plusus Nicholas Jorgensen Elliot smith bad mother fucker Chris way ookie spooky fire goddess bett My main man ufc arabic Fucking adam pistone My brother from chicago babblingus and a happy birthday to my brother who came out to the shows in columbus Jay bish over there in fucking pittsburgh Running things and shit. You know what I'm saying

Sometimes people start running things. So now are you thinking of doing this ac thing again next year? You know, I I was talking to burr about it. I was thinking like I mean, I'm such a lunatic But that thing was pretty big and it got a lot of press and it was done, uh It was done out of the heart and and just fun. I was thinking it's going to be 40 year anniversary of bond scott gone There's a way we could do it like at the forum Like a big big fucker with me you marin and burdo and comedy again

and like some Like just a collection of cool rock stars like josh homie queens of the stone age Let's say nicky six again get uh, you know guys that uh, you know dave grol Dave grol would be great on something like this some big dudes and really pump it for a couple months And do the form, you know burr said there's a way where they can seed it for like six thousand but to make a full A full tribute one big one more big daddy for bond scott like the best singer ever man really glorify For bond, you know, I think that would be rad

So in all like when you had your bands. Yeah was bond a big influence in your music. Oh god. Yeah I got him tattooed on my fucking body. I mean You know when I saw you see these the first time I saw him was on the power age tour And in 78 and when I saw him everybody was into angus. That was cool Angus was cool. But to me it was like what's up with that dude up there? He had tattoos no one had tattoos big old parrot He had that weird vest on no shirt and he was up there like all right and I was like what that that guy's like a fucking Outlaw, you know, I was attracted to him

You know angus was cool. But to me. I was like, what's up with that dude, man? I'd never seen a guy like that before just he didn't he looked like he worked for the band Yeah, it's funny because when I when I caught him in 80 Or 78 79 the highway the hell tour. Oh, yeah 79 august 4th of 79 with priest. No with Ted Oh Ted opening. Yeah, that's right. Ted openings for Ted I still remember like how great they were but Him running around the audience with angus on the show. Yeah, nobody was doing that. Nobody was doing that

Nope And he did at the greatest arena of the world at that time like news spread It was the new york daily news the next day and like, you know a review on the show I remember looking at I would always look at there was something that gave you a review of shows I don't know what it was a magazine or a newspaper Right, and it's saying that this is one of the best shows that had come to new york and For the first time in a long time. It wasn't the headline who Like I still remember the review on van halen that time. Black Sabbath. Oh, yeah, yeah

And they the headline was like black Sabbath has broken. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah And I was like shocked because I thought the same thing when I left there that night like something wasn't right Yeah, either that or van halen was that good. Yeah, I think it was a combo ball Yeah, it was a combo ball So there's sometimes shows that you don't know when you leave there If blacks, you know like that time like every time I saw aro smith, they were just bad. Yeah I could see him with a fucking preschool group with the fucking Fourth annual quintet band and they were fucking bad. They were sloppy

The music was off key. Yeah, like one time I saw him at the metalands and we laughed Yeah, like we they were so bad. We had to leave like we were we got to go I got the fourth song we got to go. This is fucking terrible. They just could not cut it and then I went again It's just so weird how you make I want to go to I want to go see now that michael shankler come nobody went Yeah, it came he it was you and I had just got home from um, where were we last Santa Ana that night? No, no, we flew home home from some oh albuquerque It was that day and it was the week of the bond scott thing. So I was tore up. So we did where was it? anaheim

So you and I Did the acdc thing then we flew immediately to albuquerque. We did the three shows then we flew home And I was just dust, you know, I was just like, uh I wanted to go but it was all the way down there at orange county. It's tough I want to go to the hollywood bowl this summer. I'm getting in whatever you want to see what shows do you Who's coming? I'll send the list to you. Let's get the fucking lineup for the hollywood bowl. Let's see what the fucking schedule is Yeah, we got to get you in there. Let's pick a church concert to where you go Yeah, that'll be great. Get more research alvarado to make some pins. Yeah, right? I saw him last night

It was cool to see him. Uh, there was a lot of rock rockers there last night, man Tom Morello was there carry king from slayer. Everybody was out to see the priest last night, man You know, they know and then priest just uh, they just announced the summer tour with deep purple Yeah, with ian gillen. Oh man, we might have to see that I don't know. I don't know if I go see deep purple richie black moist creepiest. He's not in there anymore No, they got that, uh, the guy from um, dixie dregs Uh, okay, here we go. So there's the start of the season Uh, I'm really bummed. I'm missing that. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Paul simons coming. I don't want to see fucking

No, not at all. I'm just like kevin heart, dude. Wow. That'd be wild to see that in there Oh, oh rod stewart Cindy lapper man, you know under the grease sing along joey Where's rod stewart? Cindy lapper? That's june 25 26. Wow. Yeah, dude might have to see that. Yeah Uh, but we're doing vegas. When is that? Is that that same time? No, the 12th and 13th. Okay. Got it. Okay. Got it. Keep going down. Let's look here Let's see, uh Annie

That's uh page two. Let's see page two Um, I can't even see this. Yeah, randy newman. Wow That's short people. Got no one's gonna live. Yeah, show up people got I'm gonna go there paid out 40 hours to see one fucking song Fuck him. Okay, harry connor jr. Dave matthews. No No, oh beck. Oh ozzy. Oh man, we'll go to that ozzy and stone sour october 11th Let's go to that What do you think? Yeah, who's stone sour stone sour is the guy from um,

Uh, you know the band that wears the mask. He has his own band. He's the singer. Yeah, and um And then ozzy that'd be a good one Back would be great. I'll go see that Uh, but that you know, like they add in stuff joey. So yeah, yeah, yeah, this is this is preliminary. Yeah, yeah, right exactly exactly Oh, man Like you guys, I always hear people talk about their favorite, uh, comedy clubs perform in But what like what like if you guys could see a concert anywhere?

Where would you guys go see where would you like to see a concert? Oh man, red rocks is the number one for me is where I saw a couple bands. That was a great spot. Yeah, I mean listen Let's let's let's be honest There's some places That are aesthetically cool. Yeah, like red rocks is an aesthetically cool place And miraculously the sound is phenomenal nail. Like they've they've done a great job there, dude But there's just places that are just right. Yeah, and I don't know that gorge in seattle. You ever go there. Yeah, I went there one time. That was that was nice

Yeah, you know, I really liked Madison Square Garden. Yeah, but I really I really liked smaller venues the film or is my favorite on the planet and Like like we've discussed before I was always a palladium guy. Oh, yeah in new york city I don't know what it's sad at that time. What the palladium in new york said at that time 1980 1980 capacity at the palladium Theater palladium skip in new york and in jersey new york city Legendary man palladium because I can't I can't imagine that place being 1800 and that's what we That's where I saw Ozzy and fucking Judas Priest and I saw I remained there on the first album and I saw

Oh, no, no killers the killers. Oh Oh, yeah, you saw paul diana. So paul diana. I saw an array of bands there I said the deflepid I saw the high and dry high and dry. I think uh, no I'm through the night Oh, I'm through the night rad I'm through the night and then high and dry. I think I gotta think I gotta think High and dry. I saw him a couple times. It'll probably be hard to find. I think I think I found it I think it says 3400. Yeah, there you go. There you go Can you imagine seeing Judas Priest? Oh, man, Ozzy Osborn in a place that holds 3400 seats

Like how lucky was I and I know right? What was the other ones? Like if you saw them somewhere else, would it be 50,000? Like is that no, no, no. The guard masses quite large 15,000 40,000 20,000 Yeah, that's a lot of sound. That's a lot of bounce. That's a lot of fucking detraction That's a lot of people in the audience. That's a lot of noise To see somebody in a 3400 seat theater is like going on movie theater. Yeah, that's what it was. It was just a big movie theater Yeah, that's like the war field in san franc. I saw everybody there, you know, what does it see? Do you think I think it's uh 28 or something. Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, it's funny because I did it with Russell Peters a couple years ago

When I was a kid I played there opening up for a band bad english and then years later I did it as a comedian. I go, oh, this place is small like when you're a kid It seems huge right like the play them seem huge when you're a kid english with john weight. Yeah Yeah, yeah, open for them. Yeah open for them. Yeah, I'm missing you 84. Yeah, that band though. Was it later on? Uh bad english, uh, that was he had a good band. It was bad english was a band that got put together It was like two from one band. Yeah, I think neil shon Right, that's right. Yeah, man that and the drummer dean castor nova Saw my band and said man, you guys got open for us and

We open for him like the next night at the war field, you know, we're just kids. We're like, oh, shit We thought I was like 20, you know 18 19 right around there something on a 21 or whatever, but I thought oh man We're on our way. We're playing the war field And what was the payout and something like that in those days for the opening I think it's always like 750 500 Yeah, four guys, but we would have done that free free Dude, you know the bragging rights around turn like to play the war field or the film or back then

As a local unsigned band. That's like a big deal, man That's like a big deal because you know Signed bands would bring other bands. It was there was never any happening, you know spots But they didn't have a band open them for him. So we got to do it and man, it was I still remember it like it was yesterday seven. It's amazing. The sacrifice is like, yeah, you're right. That's why Lee and I were talking about a triple run earlier. Yeah, you know like a triple run and I go I think lee that you're not ready mentally

Oh for a triple run because it's it's a little take you out It's a little big difference of a change even for like a weekend. You think it'd be crazy Just uh, just the driving just it would be crazy for you because you couldn't believe You're doing comedy at this place. Yeah They're still doing those jerry. Yeah, they still do them, you know late There was a place in west virginia. I walked in one time. It was a ping-pong table. I had to get on top of the stairs In the middle it started buckling. I'm 300 fucking pounds. Oh my god 90 or something at the time 1998

You can't really handle that at the time. I was doing comedy eight years. Yeah I was at the store already and I wrote and I remember walking in there going What did I fucking sign up for? Yeah. Yeah, because creative entertainment was out of uh, Charlotte yeah time they run the charlotte club They have a club and they have a couple clubs But back then their specialty which is still he still has a few left And they're in the 90s. He had hundreds of one night. Wow hundreds, right? Like barry cat style to stall over barry had those all over the east coast

I heard and he would send all these guys out on these rides. He would have those college rides Yeah, just these places, but you don't know what hell is till you get there. You know when you go to dc It's completely different than going to off city in west virginia. Yeah, where they're all coal miners and they all have Mascara on they're looking at you on the stage and you're like, holy shit You mean they have coal on their face? They don't have they don't have mascara on their They have coal on their face. They just got out of the fucking coal mine You can't handle that and they're not gonna like the jokes that I've been doing Like the like the four jokes that I have. Yeah, how many you got four probably something like that maybe five

No, no, no eat you up alive after the eighth minute your legs will start trembling Once you say you're jewish and the room stops laughing after that. Yeah, you know, you yeah, no, that's a That's a four year. You have to be doing comedy three Three years And really like go to like off nights in places like bakersfield on time. I did a lot of bakersfield I did a lot of I told them bakersfield has a great little comedy scene. They really do I'll have to head up there. I want to have an hour and a half away right over the grapevine right over the fucking grapevine Not even it's labor that I want to know you start learning all kinds of shit because you're over there, man

You know, I did zany's the first time this weekend. It was the Nashville comedy festival How great is that club and that girl lucy? She loves you man She man that those guys reached out to me. This is old school. This is how I always think the business should work They see i'm coming with burr And they go Hey, would you like to do some sets because we know you're only doing one set a night? You'll be sitting in your hotel room. Would you like to come do some sets and fucking reached out to me? I was like, man, this is how I thought it was gonna be

Years ago like oh, well he came with joey's great. Well book you four months from now I thought that's how it was gonna be and they reached out and I went and did zany's all weekend They had a brunt show it was fucking fantastic sold out Saturday at two o'clock Just Killer audiences. Oh man. It was it was great, man. You've done that room, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny I was telling Dave the owner of the Columbus comedy club Dave strube Dave strube how much Comedy has changed because cities have grown right

Let me tell you something my friend 15 years ago. Yeah You would have not come home with a pleasant Nashville Oh, man, I bet right you would have done. Okay. Yeah It's guys like me at the time. Yeah Always gotta remember that's a bible belt. That's right. That's right And what happened in the bible belt is they take the rivalry of 15 minutes when you're blue Yeah, but they take the rivalry for about 11 minutes. Yeah

And then as a comedian a young comic you always make the mistake of Pushing the envelope a little more gas down and that one reminds them that they're christian Yeah, they can't laugh at that and now the next 17 minutes It's just people staring at you like you're a sinner And then stanhope went up. Yeah and his first 12 minutes were tremendous Yeah, and they sat there for 40 instead of him. They weren't on his antics at all It was maybe 150 people who knew about stanhope that were in the show that night. Yeah, this has to be 99 Wow, and you're opening and I'm opening and I remember that I did so bad

Yeah That I never even considered calling that guy ever again. Like I knew what the answer was gonna be. There's no There's no lying to yourself at that point. I was doing comedy eight nine years And the lying had stopped like the lying stopped me after like two years I knew I sucked and I knew I had to work on it right and you have to go on stage every night Like whatever thing I had that things are going great went away. Yeah, you know now you have to start working and it was so weird that I walked into that room and never ever ever thought I did so bad Yeah, I never even went back there with joe

Wow, Joe would go there and I go. I'm not going back there. Yeah. Yeah And the owner is such a nice guy Which is the second thing I didn't like because nobody Could be that fucking nice, right? Like nobody's that nice, you know, and at the time 15 years ago his other brother who is now very nice. Yeah, he's always there. They're great guys But his brother owned the club in davie, florida, right? Which is a suburb right out for a lot of that which were the miami dolphins practice, right and that club was Brutal

Don't stand me. Whoa. This was way before the improv started, right? And he had a club in west palm beach and one in davie Yeah, west palm was I bombed a bag of dicks there also not as bad as natural. Yeah, right I headlined there one night because I worked with marshal warfield. Yep And I got in trouble because I'm with a grandma coke from the wait staff and they hated me and they fucking Blackballed me. So after bombing in Nashville and the situation in west palm I knew there was no if they ever got together and they go, have you ever worked your dears? Yeah, he was at my club and took the worst bombing in the world

And then the other brother would say he was at my club didn't do that well and bought a grandma blow from the wait staff They got I got in trouble for it. Really? Yeah, the manager came and you buy a grandma blow from why would you someone snitched you off? He sold coke too, right? So he came in to bitch at me for not buying it for him Yeah, I should have gotten him and bought it to him. Then he ratted me out It was the creepiest thing in the fucking world, but that's the beginning of your comedy career. Yeah, right. Yeah So to think of the stretch Nashville has made that I could headline there and people show up and laugh right like

It is really like I would never like I'll tell you another night. I took a tremendous bomb another club I hit a bag of dicks at charlotte Oh, yeah On a sunday night on a sunday night in 1998 On the way out of town. I took the late continental flight continental was still around Yeah, kind of they were they hobbed in charlotte So I reflied out of charlotte if we're continental was 10 bucks Well, like around the country anywhere out of charlotte was cheaper to california. It was like 59 dollars

I took the late flight to do a set At that fucking charlotte club like a guest set like I called the club on i'm gonna come in and rock you world. Yeah And I took the beating of death in there. Oh, I didn't even shake his hand I just went outside got a cab and went right to the airport and that five hours six hour flight home was brutal I had just bombed and got went right from the club To the fucking plane from the stage to the plane basically stage to the plane with a bombing What a beating I had taken one of the roughest beatings that week in my life Because here you are in the comedy store. You're a regular at the store

You're supposed to be the elite of the elite and you're just dying But then I put together that it was the bible belt right and when I went to creative and did the one nighters That's where you go deeper into the bible belt and that's where like That's where like we went to noxville and the chick Rattled me out for sucking my dick and started yelling in the back You know, oh my god. Yeah the bible belt like that whole week was a nightmare club something tennessee

There's an army base there or something. Noxville. Okay. No. No it was something tennessee. Right, right I did okay at the army base like this is 20 years later. Yeah, and i'm telling you guys that I did okay there as a As a headline. Yeah, there was one friday night where I just took an emotional beating on stage I lost him at the five minute mark. Oh, man. Then another time jimmy shuber. Yeah He's got a movie. He got the movie go and he had a cancelled Where's let it skin the phone? Gainesville What's the city on top of Gainesville? Um, fucking real crazy place Ah, I forget. Okay. So or Gainesville. Is that tallahassee? Is that what you're thinking?

Tallahassee Gainesville. I really don't know. Chattanooga. No, no, that's tennessee. Right. Yeah He had a cancel on a fucking monday. He got the call at three o'clock. Yeah So I was the only person that was available. So I took the gig That's how I met many light bulbs many capola who lives around the corner from here right now His father owns an electrical company. Okay. That's why you call light bulbs. There we go Yeah But uh, he I went down there as a headliner Oh, Jacksonville Jacksonville. Oh, that's it. Yeah

Was that a mistake? Oh I had maybe 40 Maybe 40 minutes. Maybe right right with with lots of laughs Yes, yeah, whenever I call Doug stand up like a Doug. I got an uh Doug was popular down there at the time. Uh I'll never forget this Doug was popular at the time like Doug was starting to get popular on the road And because Doug would fucking go down to these clubs and cause havoc in these cities

He would go to karyokes and do more stand-up. Yeah throw it out of a club So the legend of Doug stanholm When he you know when rogan goes into a city he goes into the best steakhouse in the city Right, he tips out four people the yard stick a piece the word gets out Yeah, all of a sudden ticket sales go up 20% because he gave out and gave $400 bills for tips of four different waiters You know stanhope went to a bar And caused just Yeah, like if it was karyoke, he'd go up there and do like the fucking dirtiest jokes in the world. He'd get thrown out

We know in the beginning from 90 You know from 95 to 2003 Doug stanhope was a legend on the road kicking ass with no tv show That's rad. It was unheard of because his albums were phenomenal. Yeah, you know his early albums were really fucking phenomenal I love that guy man. Yeah, like but this was when he was even a little bit more raw and younger and a little bit more energy When he was he was just a smart ass of comedy. He was just a perfect smart ass of comedy And I remember calling him up and going I need your advice. They just offered me a headlining week and I go Doug I maybe got 40 minutes. He goes

I've been around you a lot. He goes I'm sure you come up with 20 fucking minutes off the top. You had take the fucking week. Take a chance. Who gives a fuck? Yeah, do 40 and run off the stage. I mean he used to give the best advice Do 40 and leave. Yeah, because he was so reckless. He didn't give a fuck. That's what he went for Is make him talk and fuck it if you're gonna go down there make him talk go crazy. Yeah So I forget I never forget I went down there and took that that's when comedy was Tuesday through saturday And sat friday night is all you could eat seafood night there Oh, fuck. So they come in from all over just for the free seafood. They come in there and start burping those old fucking

shrimps the hurricane shrimp and fucking Oh, you have no idea you're up on stage smelling for crab leg burps And fucking farts that smell like butter from all the butter there in the crab legs They haven't like they haven't had shrimp their whole life. Oh, yeah, and they go up to that peeling each shrimp that drives some people crazy That shit drives people crazy. They think they're in fucking venice, bro Dipping in that fucking cut cocktail sauce eating them old shrimp a day before they go rotten gross And they're in there fucking eating those softy you ever get them like they have a little coating on them That's gross. Yeah, you still take a chance to eat them rubbery. Yeah, because you don't give a fuck

You eat them free You just swallow like a pill. It's amazing what you'll eat when you don't have money because it's free Oh, amp hamburgers 99 cents. I'd eat two of those I'll tell you what nobody liked the amp hamburger better than joey did I'm like a worship monster on them. I can eat two of those trucking things by the airport there. Oh, yeah When I was broke, yeah, I'd go in there right before I went to the airport Oh, and it held two of those burgers with onions on them. They got those fucking potted onions on this side Right around the corner. I wouldn't touch McDonald's. Hey, you know what I did

That cross street from the whiskey at go-go. They had the ampm there for years and now it's called Hawaiian gas or whatever But I would get the burger and then when the guy wasn't looking I'd hit the nacho cheese and just pump a fucking gallon of nacho cheese on each burger and then put jalapenos on it I'd eat him every day, dude Two bucks Fucking disgusting. Where are you at soon? Where are you traveling to next? Oh, I'm about to headline San Francisco punchline. What date? May 2nd through the 5th

Beautiful and I'll be at the tempi improv may 3rd through the 5th So we both got synco to my old gigs tempi. I'm coming big Back home to where it all started. I used to be a fucking feature right there I used to do the fucking latino shows there through four minute 20 minute spots And I thought I was hot shit now. I'm headlining tempi. Jesus. Right, right, right? Dude, you're killing it. I'm out there with it. You're killing. We're having great draws insane The people are great. The the church family is on top of things. It's a dream man It's a dream right there where you show up in the shows are already sold out. Yeah. No, no, no

It's beautiful. So tempi. I'll see you down there and then I think the 19th or the 17th of may I'm up in Providence At the club up there and then on that whole weekend. I'm at the stress factory in new jersey With your boy matt fucking full tron. You know what I'm saying? Yeah So it'll be a fun fact weekend there in may the 18th through the 20th or something like that You got to check the website or whatever the fuck it is But forget about that right now. Let's just worry about tempi and let's have a fucking party down there Uh, I want to talk to you guys about something real quick

For the last five years. I've been friends with this girl online, you know, she used to hit me up and Never said nothing out of line. She had a boyfriend. I would talk to her and a boy from the boyfriend would hit me up and uh I would go to minneapolis and she would show up and I got to meet her twice, you know, and The last time I got to me that I could tell that progress She had a disease that she didn't tell me about in the progress. Oh, wow a little bit and uh She's a proud girl. She's a sweet girl. Her name is brandy lin

And today I put a link up on uh twitter and youtube and the youtube pages If anybody needs help, it's this girl Uh, I know that for five years. This is not a scam Retweet this is not a scam. You guys know I don't go to you guys for church help for fucking scammers This is a health situation here I'm thinking of taking dean and going up there and doing a wednesday two shows at the house of comedy And like give them half the fucking door or something like that. I'm in on this. Yeah. Yeah, she's a church family girl and uh, I already saw people Pull their hearts out, you know five dollars two dollars ten dollars. It all adds up guys. So we're the church family, you know, and uh

I know who's faking the funk and I know who's really part of the church family and if they need help We got to do whatever we can to help them out Like I said two dollars helps a dollar help Lee and I donated this morning from the church and uh Do what you can I love you guys. I'll be back wednesday With my man gregarious the bjj fucking savage nick gregarious. We're gonna do a tremendous podcast. I'm bjj

he's doing a seminar at uh Subconscious bjj on Lancashire in north hollywood thursday night at 7 p.m. You do not want to miss it if you're in the valley anywhere He's fucking great this guy. I love him with all my heart You know, I'm not the best jujitsu guy, but I I still go when I try my best and That's all we could do. I want to thank dean. Delroy. I want to thank you again for putting me on the a c It was an honor. I want to thank you for being a hustler And for always bringing great conversation love to the church, brother Love doing this podcast and go see him in san francisco

You know, we love you up there and the church. Love you go support dean delroy up there at the fucking Punchline punchline. Yeah, that's the home. That's the homie fucking club right there All you and I did it together last year and your flight was delayed and they still stayed and watched me headline That was incredible because it was the foggiest night ever ever That was insane. So that's what this church is about. It's about helping each other out and fucking. No, we're good. Thank you, brother So that's it, man. Have a great day. We'll be back Wednesday. I love you. Stay black. I want to thank dean I want to leave you with a tremendous fucking jam by rod stew one of my favorites kick this fucking mule league Don't forget go to honor.com right now and press and church get 10 off

And if you're a fat fuck, are you just looking for a great fucking ghee with a great fit and durable? If your money's counting right now and you need a ghee go to foodiesports.com right now and enter church and get 10 off Your ghee or your rash guard or whatever the hell you're looking for. Have a great fucking day. Stay black. Uncle joey loves you Oh Somebody somewhere In the heat of the night Looking pretty dangerous Running out of patience

Oh Tonight in the city You won't find any better Hearts are being twisted Another lover cheated She did In the bars and the cafes Asher

The streets on the alleys Asher Not pretending Asher everybody's searching Asher Pants and love you're never out of danger While the hot knife is fed with a stranger All you wanted was somebody to hold on to

Asher Asher Asher Asher New York Moscow Asher Hong Kong Tokyo Asher

Paris and Bangkok Asher A lot of people beg God Asher Given in the radio Asher Read it in the paper Asher

Given in the church Asher See it in the schoolyard Asher Pants and love you're never out of danger While the hot knife is fed with a stranger All you wanted was somebody to hold on to Pants and love you're never out of danger

While the hot knife is fed with a stranger All you wanted was somebody to hold on to Somebody to hold on to Asher Alone in your bed at night Asher It's a half past midnight Asher

As you turn up your sideline Asher Asher Asher There's no passion There's no passion There's no passion I need passion

I need passion You need passion We need passion Can't live without passion Can't live without passion Can't live without passion Even the president needs passion Can't live without passion

Can't live without passion There's no passion Nobody better than me Passion There's no passion Passion Yeah Passion