Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #587 - Ed Quinn

Episode Date: May 24, 2018

Ed Quinn, a musician and actor seen on "2 Broke Girls" and "True Blood," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.    Recorded live on 05/23/2018.  

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Kick that fucking meal, Lee. Oh shit. Oh shit. Are you fucking kidding me or what? It's May 23rd. The church or what's happening now. Thursday morning. 10 days to D-Day. Oh, yeah.

Oh shit. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? Uncle Joey on a Wednesday afternoon. I got my main man, Ed Quinn in the motherfucking house. I got the Christ killer, the original. And I got Keechi, the guests, fucking breaking hearts. Not the people. Sexly harassing people, just walking around in shit like that. Just sexually harassing men. Men just fall, they fall over when they see Keechi.

What's happened, Mr. Quinn? Oh, Joey, it's so good to see you, man. Great to see you. Yeah, it's been too long. When did we shoot that fucking thing? What happened with that? What happened with those people? You and I were basically going to reinvent television. We were before Netflix.

We were just so far ahead of the curve, we didn't know. See, we didn't have Alpha Brain back then. We couldn't see the future, but that was it. When was that? Was that like 10 years ago? It's kind of been like 2007, 2008. It was still in the strike. That's right, 2007, 2008. And yeah, we did this.

It was like an online pilot, but the guys behind Lawn Order were creeping on it. And they were going to try and do, yeah, it was basically like Lawn Order for your phone or some shit like that. Something creepy. It was a fun day. We got to meet. We talked about the UFC. Yep. And then I see you popping up on fucking True Blood.

I see you popping up on a slinging dick on Two Bro Girls. Now you're on a Cuban show. Yeah, that's very true. I know, that's right. It's fucking crazy. Yeah, no. Things have been all right, man. Just been grinding out.

But it's just like nothing different than what we were doing back then. Just trying to stay in the game and always trying to, you know, before all those comedies, I was doing all kinds of weird like sci-fi and stuff like that. And you just, it's amazing how in this business, if you hang in there long enough, your career just takes these different weird. Now I'm doing a whole bunch of unscripted stuff for discovery. And it's just, I don't know, man, you just, just hustling. It's really a journey. And I've said it on the show before, when you commit, the universe will take care of you.

Yeah. And it knows when you need that. You know, as a comic, I remember not knowing how you got to pay rent and it's a 20 second. Yeah. Not having an idea. You're eight days away from D-Day. Yeah. And you have no fucking idea.

I still remember hanging outside a Kmart, waiting for people to drop their receipts. And I would pick up the receipt and go in the store and get the same item they bought. And I'd get the 36 bucks or the 50 bucks. Like you have no fucking idea. Like a starving comic. Yeah. You have all these options. And that's all the options.

And I remember one day I picked up a receipt for a $400 loan mower. And I went in there and they didn't have the loan mower. I'm like, fuck. So I had to drive to Longland, Colorado, where they came up. And I walked in. I had the guy even pick it up, pick that up, put it on the thing. I gave him like five dollars. I go, pick it up, put it on the sled.

Wait, so you'd have the receipt and then you'd give him the receipt. And then I go into the store with the receipt and I just take something off the shelf. Yeah. This was way before cameras. Oh. And you go up to the customer service and go, Ed Quinn bought me this for Christmas. I already got it. Yeah.

You have the receipt right here. Oh my God. And they give you back the cash. Luckily I paid cash. Oh. And then I started not even using the receipt. Wow. Just taking an item off, bringing it up and going, my mother got me this for Christmas.

Can I get the money back? And they look at you a couple of times. Like, oh, creepy. They call the manager over. And then they'd sign off and they give you cash. Wow. And you're like, holy fuck. And I'm getting taxed too.

Like, they're paying me tax. I didn't pay. It was fucking creepy as shit. You'd do 10 years for it. But to pay rent. That's what you had. You know, like I had to do something. So weed.

So fucking pills. Whatever. Whatever needed to be like. Like when you're like a comic like that, when you do those, you know, because like, you know, they say you're working on a special, you're working on being a headline or something when you're just getting up and doing like 10 minutes, you're not getting paid or anything like that. Not even done.

Not even done. They don't even like give you a, they only take cover your bar to have. I remember in 1998, I did my taxes. I didn't send them in. Yeah. Like $8,000. And I remember thinking $8,000 doing comedy. Wow.

At least I'm halfway there. Like I'm like, at least I'm existing. And I'm doing what the fuck I want to do and I don't have a boss. Yeah. You know, I'm driving to all these exotic places like Missoula, Montana. Yeah. I'm driving to fucking, you know, Moscow, Idaho. Yeah.

Like you're going places. So. But that's why the attrition rate is so high. I mean, that's the one thing that people don't realize is, you know, it's, there's so many people that are blessed just to have been able to exist, just to have been able to sustain, just to have been able to keep things. Cause you never, look at Rogan. Rogan went from what?

Like he was doing multicams to the next thing you know, he's like cage fighting commentator. To now he's like one of the biggest commentator and maybe the biggest podcaster. It's just, do you know how that started? No. He just called Dana and volunteered one day and flew himself to Vegas. Wow. Like the best three times. Yeah.

So he was just a fan. He was a fan and a participant. You know, that's how easy it was. Yeah. And how, but how hard, but how it was just like he just wanted to work. He just wanted to be a part of it. He was on news radio. I still remember going to New York with him.

He was losing money. He was losing money. Yeah. When he first started going on the road, I went on the road with him one time. I think he was making three grand. Wow. And he paid for a first class ticket for both of us. Wow.

He lost money. Like right there, he lost. Yeah, exactly. And then we did. His business manager was like, man. Yeah. He didn't give a fuck since day one. Yeah.

Because he had news radio. Yeah. In the beginning. That's when they were paying on sitcoms. That's what actually you were. Yeah. And the reruns. Yeah.

You got one of those. You could exist. Oh. One of the saddest things that happened to me when I was a star of an actor. I got fired from the season finale of Frasier. And it wasn't just that I got, I got paid for the episode. And the only reason I got Anthony LaPaglia was I think he won an Emmy for his guest star role as Niles' brother.

And he was so unbelievably funny. And we've been rehearsing. I had nothing. I just, I'd set the guy up and he would do this one joke. And that was it. It was nothing. It was like, it was like. Where is Anthony LaPaglia today?

Probably was living on his without a trace money. Probably down in Australia. Like making independent films and loving life. He was a great, great guy. Oh, no. And funny as fuck. No, no. But listen.

He got me fired. He literally, it was a day before we're going to tape the season one hour. It's the wedding episode of Frasier. I just mentioned that basically he comes storming in and I basically say something to him and he'd done it one way, like all through all the rehearsals and all this stuff. And so I was ready. It was funny, but I was ready for it. It was good.

And he comes out and like right at like the big network or the studio run through, whatever it was, he just turned it on its ear. He did something completely different and dude, it was like, it was like, it was like liver punch. It just got me. And I didn't have a joke to hit. I didn't slow the scene down. I just broke.

He just, he just, he clocked me. He locked and knocked me out. It was so funny. And I, and they saw, they saw me just like get a little nervous. A little cheeky. Like a laugh. Yeah. Like I'm a little too like, you know, enamored with this dude's, you know, the comedy.

And I got hooked and it was such a bummer because I remember like as an actor back then, you got paid for that episode, but then that thing re-ran and it really re-ran and all the time you saw it yesterday. I mean, like, and those little checks, those little, they start as a few thousand and when they, when they trickle down, they're just, I mean, I can save you when I go. So that doesn't happen no more. Getting hooked? No, no, no, no.

Yeah. You can feel getting fired all over. I know. That's how much people get fired every day. I got fired from a Talamundo job. They fucking hated me. I went into the, you know, I'm really good at auditioning. So this was right when you had to join SAG and after.

This had to be 99, 98. That was a racket. And I went in for this Cuban show by the Cuban family and I booked it as a doormat at the club. So I was going to recur. Yeah. Like I was like, oh, shit. I didn't know if Talamundo money was good.

I didn't even give a fuck. I booked the job. Yeah. And I went up there and there were Cubans and I started talking. You were born in Cuba, right? Yeah. No, so you're legit. But they looked at me and they're like, uh, excuse us.

I rehearsed the scene. I was way too green. I don't know. And at lunchtime when I came back, they pulled me aside. They fired me. They paid me. Yeah. They paid my after.

Yeah. I got to check for like one 16 because after was like 800 to join. So yeah, but here's the interesting is the star of that show went on to be like a big co-star on the George Lopez show on ABC. Huh. And when I moved to the valley, I used to walk around North Hollywood Park and I saw him one day and he goes, excuse me. He was going to tell you something because I've always wanted to bump into you and apologize.

He goes, it wasn't me that got you fired. Oh, wow. Dave, there's two types of Cubans. There's like jungle Cubans, like me. Then there's decent Cubans. Okay. Even when I was a kid, I'd go to Cuban girls house and their moms would say, don't bring them home.

Yeah. At least from the street. Yeah. I speak jungle Cuban. Okay. I don't know that type of cube. My best friend is Cuban. His name is Juan Carlos Cicabradoria.

Yeah. So yeah. No, you know, yesterday, my listen, my sister fucking called me yesterday. Oh, shit. From Cuba. Whoa. Okay. I was on the phone with somebody and I saw the, I didn't know the number, but I knew

the number. Yeah. And then she sent me a fucking email. And when somebody calls me by my, and I, I listened to the message and when she said Hos Antonio, that's my real name. Yeah. It just creeps me to fuck out. Really?

My family calls me that. They don't call Coco, they don't know about Joey Diaz. No mad flavor. Nothing. Just that tone of Jose Antonio freaks me to fuck out because she says it just how my mother says it. Oh, shit. They're not like, Hos Antonio calling me back.

And then she sent me a message and I was like, fuck. So today I've been procrastinating calling her all day because I invited her to fucking come here for a month. I got no passports. I go, why don't you? She got stuck in Cuba. I go, why don't you fucking come here for a month and meet your niece and I'll take you to New York.

I'll take you to mom's fucking cemetery. You could put flowers down. She goes, I'll never go to the United States. I go, what's this conversation? You know, I haven't seen her in 52 fucking years. Are you serious? Yeah. She got stuck.

Oh, fuck. You know, in every fan, you know, Quinn, one Irishman got stuck in your family. His brother, he was coming right back. Yeah. I'm going over to check. Every family member, every generation has somebody who got stuck something happened. Something didn't work out. And it was my sister.

So whenever I talked to her, she has that like no matter how bad I had it growing up, she had it a lot worse. Yeah. Well, you know, it's my buddies, you know, my buddy's parents or grandparents had lost everything in Cuba, you know, it's kind of amazing story. His grandfather fought against Franco, lost, you know, in Spain, barely got out alive, got to Cuba. He saw Franco and his dudes walking down the street and was like, nope, you know, sent

the family to Miami and then was going to, you know, see what happened. And sure enough, you know, it ended up losing everything. But now his family's going back there right now and they're kind of doing the whole. All right, this government's falling apart. Give us back our, give us back our restaurant, give us back our building, give us back. And there's a lot of Cuban-Americans now. I think who are going back there and trying to figure out a way to get their property back. And that could be, I mean, that whole, that whole country could open up soon.

It could be really interesting. I don't know. Yeah, but she's a lot of fucking bad luck. Listen, they used to do a lot of creepy things there in the 50s and 40s. Yeah, that's true. You know, when I read that article about the Superman, the guy with the big dick and Godfather too, that two people actually went looking for him. Really?

That scene from Godfather too, that I talked about on the CISO special. I went to school with his grandson. His grandson used to always say, my grandfather had the biggest dick in Cuba. He was the guy from Godfather too. And then he used to do the same type of sex show. Wow. It was a sex show. Yeah.

And this article, if you ever get a chance, see if you get it. Superman, the Cubans, because I talked about it on Rogan and people like the article was brilliant. It was two guys that went and looked at this guy, 50 years it took them. Geez. And they got the origin. He died in Mexico, but he was a lawn mower guy in the daytime at night. He did sex shows.

His dick was like 14 inches in Havana, in Cuba. He got paid 25 a night to do sex shows. And the people would get off the plane and go there. And it came out the same week that Richard Pry's wife said that he fucked Marlon Brando. This article, oh, that's recent. This is just recent. Yeah.

So this article just came out maybe two, three months ago. And then this article, it says, it goes, Superman of Havana. Look at it. Oh, man. He was famous beyond Cuba. No, he was famous beyond Cuban shores for his mighty endowment, a symbol of an era of sex and sin. When the revolution came, he disappeared.

That ain't no fake. That's real. That's why they call him Superman. Fredo Godfather. That's the legend. It's if you ever get, if you have 35 minutes, read this. Have you ever been back? No, no, no, no.

Read this fucking article. They fucking break it down. And my friend, the grandmother told me, George and my friend, I grew up with. She goes, listen, this little girl went to Cuba. No, no, no, that was just a sex habit. And when I was a kid, my mom died in 79. And she'd always told me when she died 16, but my mom would always go to me whenever I had to wear like a pink shirt.

Yeah. My mom would go, what are you, Rock Hudson? I go, why do you think that? And she goes, what do I think? Nothing, Rock Hudson's gang. And I would go, look, really? What the fuck are you drinking? Rock Hudson ain't gang.

She'd say, when I was a little girl, Rock Hudson would come to Cuba and lock himself in a hotel room with young boys and shit. We used to go down there. Like, you know, like when Michael Jackson took the baby out in the window and shook it like, you know, in a performer, he goes, he would just stay in the hotel. All these girls would go down there to see Rock Hudson. I thought there was a line. So if you read this article, it'll tell you that we were just a bunch of Americans

or just filthy people who were filthy. We go to Cuba just to fucking Kennedy went to Cuba and got laid. And, you know, who had this, who had the tape, the dirtiest guy was Santo Trophicante, because he actually flew this guy into Miami to do a sex show. They have it on tape. It's in black and white that him fucking. Just, just like in the, like, like just a private plane. Get him in Miami.

Get him into Miami, do a sex show and fly him back. But his main lover was Marlon Brando. When Marlon Brando would go to Cuba, he would walk in with, it says in the article, he would walk in with two women and leave with Superman. Him and Superman were lovers. The place was called the Shanghai. They did it at the Chinese fucking restaurant. This is brilliant.

He also did private sex shows for wealthy Americans. That's all that is just crazy, man. And like, who was telling us he got 25 bucks a show? It's in here. Oh, OK. It's all in this article. So you started as a music fucking dude. Like, yeah, yeah, I did.

No, I grew up, I grew up in Berkeley. And, you know, I started, it was, it was, there was this music scene of the young kind of like young metalheads. It was the weirdest thing, but there was this little guitar store called Second Hand Guitars on the corner of Rosengrove in Berkeley. Grove is now Martin Luther King Boulevard. And there's a candy shop and this, I mean, a guitar store, not much bigger than this booth right here.

And there was this dude named Joe Satriani teaching guitar lesson to punk little kids. And I tell you, man, it was the weirdest thing because this is right in the heyday of like, you know, Eddie Van Halen and Randy Rhodes and like the, you know, the, the beginning of the whole sort of like flashy shreddy metal stuff. And, you know, and there's Alex Skolnick and Steve Vai and Kurt Hammett and all these other guys, I think the guys from like Laws Rocket and Exodus and all these kind of speed metal bands and thrash metal bands were in there. And we would all just be, you know, we were all like 13, 14, learned to play guitar.

And we'd all just go, is our guitar teacher better than all of our heroes? Because it seemed like it. You could walk in like, you know, God, I remember what the day I asked Joe Satriani to teach me how to play eruption. I like a part of his little, his soul died. He played in this band. This is the funny thing. And I'm sure people who know him know this, but he played in this like kind of poppy pop trio called the squares.

And he sang and it was like, it was this thing. And we'd go see him. Like, you do these free concerts, like a Zellerbach, you know, a square. And, you know, the Berkeley community. What year was this? 82, 3, 4. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.

And he, dude, I mean, like he's playing and he's singing and it's not, it's not. He's not like breaking into it's like really like almost like, I think I want to. I know the romantics play in the same thing. I want to say like, he played a show, his little band open for like the romantics at a free, you know, at a park in Berkeley, you know, like, and, you know, so that kind of stuff. Like when you're walking in your sleep. Yeah, I hear feelings that you keep.

Exactly. When you're talking in your sleep. Good fall, good fall. And so, yeah. And so like I started playing and, you know, a lot of the guys, you know, there was a bunch of little local bands that started to do pretty well, but it also, man, it looked like a tough gig and I was pretty good at sports. And I kind of, I was at this all boys high school and I was doing, I kept my

grades up and I was playing in bands. Oh, was that me? Yeah. Sorry about that. I'll turn that off. It happened to you. And so I, I, yeah, I, you know, and I just, I remember having like a conscious decision at one point about being like, cause like guys that were older than

me, you know, they were graduating high school and they weren't going to college and they were like trying to make it. And, and there was, you know, like a band Laws Rocket and Ruffians and they were getting close and they were putting out records. And it just seemed almost like we were talking about, like with the comedy thing, it's like, man, these guys is like, I, there was, you know, the basis for a couple of them that would come by my house and he goes, your parents home, you know, can I just take a shower, dude?

Can I just have a bowl of cereal? I mean, like starving, like homeless, like he, his family lived up the street and I guess didn't want to have to do anything with it. You know, and it just, um, it was, it was, it was rough back then. It was hard back then. And like Joe Satriani's teaching me how to play guitar right there. You go, man, I don't know. He's got to sit, he's got me walking in asking him, you know, I want, I want

to learn how to play, you know, uh, you know, over the hills and, you know, like, you know, or is it Zeppelin or, or, or, or some Ozzy Osmore and you know, can I teach you how to play crazy train? And Satriani sit there and he can do it. You can like turn it on, you know, just like listen to it for two seconds. He's like, yeah, I hear you guys, how you do it. And so, you know, I don't know, man, I just, I started really kind of focusing on sports and, you know, went to college and always kind of

had it in the back of my, my back pocket. And when I first came to LA, I was studying acting and I couldn't, you know, I was, I was working a little bit, getting some commercials, couldn't get an acting job and started another band, got another band. We started getting momentum and we started, we're a headline in the Sunset, headline in the whiskey and the Roxy and the troubadour and stuff like that. But then again, you know, it's like bands are hard, bands, it's like, it's like a marriage between four dudes and man, just things and always implodes and

imploded four times and the record deal imploded. And I don't know, man, music is it, it's the, it's the, it's, it's maybe one of the coolest things to, you know, of the arts is one of the coolest mediums to be a part of, to be, to be a recording artist or to be a musician, get paid. But I think it might be the hardest. And now I don't know how you make any money. I don't know how you make a living, you know, that we have to, when Napster hit, I mean, everybody just blew the music with the whole, the whole music industry up.

I mean, there was, you know, all of a sudden your records weren't worth anything. Your music wasn't working. It was, it was given away for free on the internet. And so I don't know. There's some of the best musicians I ever saw just didn't quite make it. For one reason or another. The scary thing is while you were saying this, I was thinking, if I had a chance to do it again, I would have kept calm as a hobby.

Really? Are you serious? Why is that? I wanted to do something else. Yeah. Like comedy is fun. Until you start adding numbers up and stuff. Once the comp, once an art becomes a business, it's a thin line

between love and hate at times. I like this. But then again, I just love going somewhere and being able to say what the fuck I want to say and not, it becomes, it became a business. I know, Joey, it's so counterintuitive to me because I'll tell you something. I have always, like that second time I started doing the music thing, I was living down in a little surf shack in Manhattan Beach and I would ride my bike down and go to the, uh, uh, the little blues barb and what the hell was

it called and all the, all these me, uh, God damn, what was the place called? It's closed now. Um, and I'd go down and I would watch all these guitarists play. And in my mind, I've always thought, you know what, you know what I should have been doing back then, going a block further to that comedy magic club and like gone in on Monday nights on the open mics and maybe try to kind of like, maybe that would have gotten me into this, into the sort of, maybe into the sitcom world or into the acting world.

It would have been more kind of the work that I'm doing now. And I kind of almost feel like, now, why was I spending so cafe Boogaloo? I go down a cafe Boogaloo and I watch all these, you know, national tour and that would come more bluesy or some rock kind of stuff. But I mean, ripping musicians and I feel like I was like, man, what was I doing? What was I, you know, why was I chasing that dream? When I could have been down, watching comics, watching all these guys come up, watching all these big entertainers, watching the Leno every Sunday.

I mean, I could have been down and put my time in down there and because you're your own boss, you write your own stuff. You know, you like, you know, David Ongrear is a really good friend of mine. And I, I watch, we'll be having conversations. I've seen his act 50 times and not 60 times. I love it and it changes all the time. But he and I will be having a conversation. He'll be telling me some stupid story about a girl or it's car breaking down

or something. And I'm laughing and he's telling it to me. And then all of a sudden, man, like two nights later, we'll be at a club and he'll be up in front of a thousand people. And he's telling that he was working at that story because it made me laugh. He's like, I'm going to try that. And sometimes he'll get on stage and I'd watch him and it would be like, and it would work and it would become a part of his act. And it wouldn't, it wouldn't work.

And he wasn't really going on. He would veer back into like, you know, into his, into his regular act. But I don't know, I thought there was a freedom to that. Like what I've seen, what Dave has been able to do. I've seen what you're able to do. I mean, what, 10 days, 10 days? So you take me now. I mean, think about that.

That's just, I mean, that's just amazing. And like, especially in this era now, it's like Netflix and HBO and Showtime and all these guys, you know, all these, all these comics and all the guys that you're, you know, you have this like, you know, this podcast ecosystem and all of you, man. It's like, I've got to like literally spend like, I got my own Twitter page, just a short sort of like, keep where you guys, all your shows are popping up. Did you see the lineup at this comedy store last night? No, it was something from another planet.

It's insane. Like it was something from another planet, like both rooms. Yeah. No, who was there? It was like, it started with Sebastian, Delia, Whitney, you know, Rogan, Bert Kreischer. I think it's a girl. I mean, it was just like, I looked at it and said, Jesus Christ.

Excuse me, Jesus Christ. What is this? See, and I'm in the circle. Yeah. Like that's even scarier. I'm sitting back there waiting to go up and I'm like, my heart's pounding. You know, it's like, I got earplugs on. I can hear my heart actually pushing like meat going.

Like a night like that. Is it just back to the gills? Back to the gills last night. Wow. Back to the gills. I saw the audience was a little bit more kitschy. She said, last night, believe it or not, they were a little bit tight. And I opened up with a bit that usually gets a weird response. Nothing. I go, I got my hands filled in front of me.

Interesting. And I fucking went from there and I flipped them. And I did something in Providence, Rhode Island, but I thought we'd go over and ate a bag of dicks. But last night at the comedy store, it worked because I didn't say her name. How interesting. I didn't say her name. See, this is the part of the journey where you learn that

if I would have said, I said her name in Providence, in Providence, Rhode Island, there were savages. I want to thank you again for coming out Thursday night. They were savages and they even skidded a little bit when I said Rose McGowan last night. I said, I don't want my daughter to be raised in Hollywood and end up like this crazy chick who left a cocaine and a wallet on the plane. It got a laugh.

OK. You follow me. So just words. Yeah. The analogy of words is a weird understanding. You know, sometimes you say dick too much. So you got to narrow it down to one dick. You got to narrow it down to one pussy. You got to narrow it down to you don't know that till you're at the 40 minute mark. And you go, I'm talking about dick again. Yeah.

So it's it's I love the journey. I look at the I'm looking at the passion right now. You got wheels spinning right now. And I'm like, so last night, so all these big names are there. How many of them are working new material or like you? They have a special or they just at the economy store 10 years ago, you go down there on a Tuesday night and said, I could go up on stage and talk about Kishi and you and fucking Lee

and not give a Frenchman's fuck. Yeah. But now they're flying in from Australia. They're coming in from Canada and they're coming here to do business and they're driving up from Marina Del Rey because that's part of their fucking vacation. They figured the commie store into their trip. I'm going to fucking Cali. I'm going to the commie store.

They buy it. They don't even care who's on the lineup. They just know that on Tuesday night, they're going to see Bill Burr. They might see Rogan. They're going to see Chris Delia, Sebastian. They buy tickets. Tuesday nights are always sold out. Done, done, done.

Yeah. And you walk in there. I was trying to tell you that the best podcast I've ever listened to in my life was Steven Tyler on Joe Rogan. Yeah. And it's one I had to turn it off. I love music as much as you do. I take my music seriously. He says he went to muscle shows. He read his timeline.

First of all, when he read his timeline, you know how we complain about how busy we are. He's 70. Yeah, you should have read his time and he wrote everything down. Monday had lunch with my kids in Venice. Got in a car, drove to San Diego, did a private show, got in a plane overnight to Orlando, went to Disneyland, did a show with Kelly Clarkson and that chick.

Then from there, went to New York, hung out there for three days. You know, 70. Yeah. Always moving. Met with a Buddhist monk. He hooked up with Duncan Trussell. Then he went to fuck it. Nah, the muscle shows and those. Just to think, listen to these words. Just listen to these words.

He goes, just to think that I was standing when little Richard was standing. He goes, I put my hand on the wall and he goes, you could feel it. He goes, then it came to me that five feet from where I was standing. Greg Allman told his brother, let's try that. He could think of those words like I had to turn it off. Tears are coming down my face like that. You're that deep in music.

He's that deep that he took. He said it. He goes, I was standing five feet from where fucking Greg Allman told his brother. Yeah, let's try this lick. He goes, think of what I was feeling. That's the commie store right now. Yeah. You go down and there's this weird fucking, you know, there's a weird whatever the phenomenon. It's an epicenter.

It's an epicenter. It's there's a light that shines on those stages and you can feel the pain in the walls. You know, it's been done in there for so long that, you know, it's like when you go to an old music venue. And the music is in there, you know, that's true. We did that thing with Dean Delray. But the ACDC, did you see that?

No, no, I didn't see that. Dean Delray got the bass player, he got Rudy, the guy from Anthrax, the drummer from the Counting Crows. He got a bunch of people and they did a tribute to ACDC. Oh, no way. And while we were down there, the guy gave us a tour of who was in there. And he goes right here, you know, just think about it right here.

Elvis today, like it was with somebody did somebody bought that place in the 50s. Oh, Dean Martin, because it was close to his office. Oh, yeah. So Dean Martin would go over and do comedy at night with Jerry Lewis. I'm sitting there going, are you fucking kidding me? Yeah.

That no matter what you say in there, that spirit, that energy is still stuck against those fucking wall. You know, it's so interesting you say that because I just just got back last week, I was doing a movie in Cleveland and I was like, you know, one thing I'm two things I got to see. I got to see a cabs game. Got to see the cabs close out the Toronto Raptors, or whatever it was, which was electric, by the way.

I mean, it was it was I mean, I'm not even an NBA fan. Just sort of sitting there like looking around going. Yes, it's big time minute. What the Rock and Roll Hall thing. And it was it was really kind of humbling and sobering and it's almost like when you. It's like you go see like a you go to a museum and you see like an old suit of armor that had been in battle. And it's like in some way it looks a lot smaller and a lot bigger

than you thought it was going to, you know, it's like you kind of see it. You're like, oh, look at that. And then all of a sudden it's just like it has this aura about it. And just going through and seeing all Bowie stuff and Prince's stuff. And and and every time you turn around, there was like, you know, it's one artist. But that artist represents so many stories and so many songs and so many emotions they put out.

It's heavy. It's heavy. And so it's yeah, it was it was almost overwhelming. It was almost too much because it was just like it was, you know, every every step. It was it was a new artist. It was a new whole catalog of music, a whole how many eras. Some of these, you know, musicians seeing Jimmy Hendrix's guitar, just as Steven Steady Ray Bond's guitar and just sitting there. You know, especially especially the ones that were alive when I was, you know,

a kid and then are gone now. And it just I don't know. It's even more heavy. How long did you study with Joe Satriani for? I'll be like three, four years, maybe. Are you still friendly with you? Not at all. No idea. I mean, I'm sure if I walked up to him, if I met him and told him,

he'd probably laugh, it was probably great. No, it was like this weird thing where man, one day he was just gone. I think it was like he got on tour with Frank Zappa, maybe. Or some someone finally went, what? I'm taking this guy on tour with me. And then the minute like he kind of got out of, you know, Berkeley, maybe or just he got in front of an audience or Dan Pruster came along and, you know, one minute he was there.

Next minute he was gone. And then, you know, a few years later, surfing with the alien came up and we were just, I mean, we're just all so proud. Now, they've told me that right in Burbank was Randy Rhodes's mom and him taught music. I probably, yeah, I mean, it was a little storm. Burbank, I don't know, I don't know. I don't want to repeat it and say it's wrong. I don't want to repeat it.

Like, yeah, you can fact check absolutely everything I say and I will not be offended. If, you know, I'm 100 percent wrong. I heard somebody came in and I think it was Rudy who said that, yeah, he used to teach guitar lessons right on the corner. When someone's that good, when someone's Randy Rhodes good, it's usually they love it so much that they teach. I mean, you know, I know so many actors that teach acting because it's just like it's something they're really good at and they're passionate about.

And you also learn so, you know, it's like anything, man. Like, you're really good at something. So now you're teaching someone from, you know, the basics and as you're teaching them the basics, you're like, shit, I kind of forgot some of the basics. I should be actually paying attention to this. This is like the simple ABCs of anything, of any art, of any, you know, craft of anything. And so, yeah, it wouldn't surprise me that someone like Randy did because Randy was,

he was next level good, you know, there's, there's the, the savants, like a, you know, like a Jimi Hendrix or something. And then there's, you know, someone like Randy Rhodes who is just seems to be. He changed the game. Like he changed the game. Like there was Van Halen and Van Halen was fucking rocking. Yeah. And Van Halen was more of a savant too.

I don't even know if he could read music. And that was the kind of thing. I just saw them. Yeah. I just saw them about not saw them in person. I went to the weed store. About maybe 18 months ago one day I'm listening to Monday. Every Monday I listen to Sirius.

That guy, Eddie Rock, Eddie. Yeah, Eddie, from the VH1 show. Yeah, the VH1 show. I love that show. He's back. He's doing a top 20. I just got a tweet like his podcast. Here we are.

I just can't remember his name. He's doing a podcast like today of like his top 20. I love my songs. Love that. I love that. Monday I get in the car. Yeah. I listen to Eddie when I go to New York.

Eddie Truck. Eddie Truck. Eddie Truck. And it's weird because Dean Delray is good friends with him. And Dean goes, if you go to New York, I'll get you on the show. I'm a big fan of his. I'm a fan that he could do a podcast by himself for three fucking hours.

He's great. He knows everything. He ain't searching for no names either. Fuck no. No deep tracks. And he takes calls. And he fucking has a guest. Yeah.

And I do love him. There's all these things like he loves old UFO, which is something that I love. Oh. That live album. Come on. And he loves Y&T too. I think he had Dave Medicarey on his show and stuff.

I forgot to tell you that after, all right. So when I got on the plane on Superstitions, it's fell on black. It's sound of winter, whatever that song by Bush, maybe twice. Then I'll put fell on black days, maybe like 13 times. Yeah. What do you think the next song is? Is it UFO?

UFO, Strangers in the Night. Oh. Fucking rock bottom. Rock bottom? I was going to say. Guitar on that. But also the beginning of Doctor, Doctor. It's one of the most beautiful things live.

I've ever heard in my life. Put it on Lee. Doctor, Doctor Live. Just the first four. I don't like what it becomes. Is it a video or just the audio? And just whatever you want. Whatever's easiest for you.

Just to listen to Doctor, Doctor Live UFO. It's Shanker. Oh. His first solo album and the second one. I was a kid when the second one came out. Oh my god. And he toured last year. Did he really?

Yeah. With all the three singers. Oh. With the three singers. Yeah. Ah. Yeah. Rock bottoms on my like workout.

Look at him. Look at him. No shirt. He didn't give a fuck. Dude. He looks like what? 17. I'm fucking unbelievable.

We have shoes. Looking for my fucking tremendous. You know, he auditioned for Ozzy Osbourne. No. And Ozzy called him a fucking Nazi. And he picked this guitar and he could turn it off Lee. Ozzy fucking turned to call him a Nazi. Oh my god.

And he put his guitar in this thing and ran the fuck out of the studio. But no, I listened to the beat. I listened to rock bottom maybe five or six times, especially the guitar solos. I like both of the live good. There's something about the studio. It's so raw. It's raw.

Raw. Raw. Raw. Raw. Early, the earliest first studio. It's so weird how we've forgotten how to make live music. Yeah. Yeah.

We've had this conversation. How thin does that? Because it's it's it's there's so much soul behind that and so much power. But it's I hear it immediately. And like those guitars aren't that saturated. There's not a lot of distortion. There's not like all these racks and all this stuff that they're running through. It's all not this incredibly big, even live, like produced and processed sound.

It's just so dry and clean. And yet it's just drum and bass and guitar. And it doesn't need that much. And we forgot. We forgot. When you read Keith Richards book, he has a whole chapter on that we thought about it so much technology took away. Like we forgot how to make a live album.

Perfect example of a guitar tone that's like so classic. And so. Oh my god. Let me tell you some Keith Richards on some girls. Yeah. The whole fucking out. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, Keith Richards on black and blue. Yeah. The whole fucking out. Keith Richards. Oh, somebody just gave me exile and I left it at the house. They just gave me exile on Main Street Tuesday, a Thursday in Providence. Oh my god. Some guy gave me exile on Main Street.

I want to thank the lady who fucking made. Oh my god. In New Jersey, they just handed me a bag with it was like those circles. What do you call those cakes that people make in a circle? Bun cake. Like a bun cake. Yeah. Moist as fuck.

It was like, I don't know what it was. It was delicious. She made these white chocolate coconut oatmeal cookies. Me and Matt ate one a piece. I mean, it was fucking delicious. Then she made two marijuana cookies. Uh-oh. And I took a bite out of one of them and I gave this because I can't have.

It was delicious. And I took your note and I don't know what I did with your note and I'm sorry. I don't I'm not acknowledging you. But if you're listening, thank you for bringing me the fucking pound cake. Whatever it was was out of this world. They bring me some great shit. These people in my house. Now you still go to an acting class.

You know, I don't as much as but I would. That's the whole thing. I don't really go. I just, you know, life and just trying to keep my head above water and stuff. But I got to say sometimes I will go. I'll go back to class just because I like to watch it. I like to watch the process. I like to watch other actors, you know, the class I always went to, you know,

you'd have all the class be working on one scene. So you and I be doing the same character, all three of us. You know, we would normally never audition maybe for the same thing. But now we're all working on and maybe it's something, maybe it's your audition that you got going on. But the whole class is putting it up and the girls are all different. They're putting it up and you just watch people make different choices. And that to me, I don't know.

It's like you were saying about, you know, too many dicks. You're always learning, you know, you're always learning what works, what doesn't work, going back to the basics. And so I'm just, I kind of exiled myself from, you know, the one thing that keeps me sane in this town is being kind of out of the town. And so I am down in the South Bay, down at the beach. And that just, you know, allows me to recharge my batteries and come up. But it's also, it's a long way to come up and sit in an acting class for,

you know, four or five hours. Because everything's here. What did you go to originally when you moved down here? Originally, the first acting teacher I had was a woman named Janet Alhanti. And she was fantastic. But man, I don't think I learned anything. Because it was like all this, like, repeating Meisner stuff. It was all this theory acting.

And then I get an audition. I'd be like, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I mean, it was crazy. Like, we'd be doing these long scene, all this theater stuff, you know? And like, then you get an audition for Melrose Place. What am I going to do with this? There was a couple of cats or like famous cats, I can't remember their name. I went to them.

And then a woman named Leslie Khan that I, that I, that's how I got that job with you. Yes. Yeah, exactly. Leslie Khan contacted me because I did a couple of privates with her. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, whatever I did, she was working with Lewis Guzman when I booked his pilot.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that was pretty impressed. And sometimes I think about going to acting class. But was she like her going on? Yeah, we have nothing going on. And like her classes are like in, you know, you're sitting in like a living room. And like I said, like I want to watch eight actors who I never,

we'll never read for the same thing. I want to see them do, I either want to try and do their material. And I want to see them do my material because I'll learn something from that, you know? It's, it's watching, watching young, you know, like I'll go into some of her younger classes, you know, like as a TA, I'm a terrible teacher. I'm like, I'm more of like a football coach. So like when I'm like, how you doing it wrong? Do it like this.

And that's not the way, you know, coach acting. Um, but so I rather just sit and watch and like watch her develop students and watch students sort of like come into their own. And because that's the thing is you're just, you're always learning and all the businesses, you know, music as well, you know, uh, it, it depends. I've been doing a bunch of like kind of unscripted stuff. I'm learning about that kind of stuff, like, you know, doing more, almost like a hosting of shows.

And so yeah, there's some, there's something really, to me at least, there's something really, uh, rewarding and like advantageous about popping into a class, you know, just going once a week, you know, and then working on some stuff. And, um, just cause you can get stuck getting a rut, think you're nailing stuff, think you're doing great. And all of a sudden you go work with some people and, you know, everybody else is like, as cool as you think you are, you know, you know, you know, kneecap you a little bit, you know, like, you know, get, get, get you to reset.

And well, do you need that? Like last night I drove home with Bert and I was, when I dropped Bert off, it's funny cause it was 1130, maybe 1145. And I was, the energy from the store woke me up. It was like, I went to Starbucks and got a fucking coffee. Yeah. And I looked at Bert and I gave him the old Joe Rogan line. I go, you really want to go home?

He goes, he goes, where are we going to go? I go, I know a place where a woman will show you a pussy for a dollar. That's an old Joe Rogan joke from 1998. And, and he just looked at me and goes, a dollar. And then I went to joke, get out of the fucking car. And then I called Joe and I go, Joe, he goes, where are you? And I go, I know a place where you could see a woman's pussy for a dollar.

He started laughing on the phone. He goes, how old is that fucking joke? I go, 98. Oh my God. Hey, was that, that was one of your jokes on your first CD? Oh, I was first CD. I was trying to think of something. You got in trouble for going to a strip club or something.

Yeah. And the guy said to him, what are you doing here? And he goes, I know, that was a joke from old Joe Rogan. So when I dropped Bert off, I just drove around and I was on a call. Lee, Lee had just left the movies. Yeah. And I was thinking about calling Lee and having to meet me at Yum Yum Donuts to talk about comedy. Yeah.

But I go, we're going to eat. Yeah. That's the last thing I need. There's fucking a bagel and a Yum Yum Donut with fucking leaves. And now I can't. Yeah, we're sitting there because we'll do it. Yum Yum Donuts is dangerous in North Hollywood. I've thought about going in and getting a cup of coffee.

You can't do it. No, no, no. You can't do it. Like, I've thought of going in there like a lot. You got a show in 10 days. No. I've thought of going in there like in going, because they're open 24 hours. Yeah.

So you can go in there with your computer, get a cup of black coffee, and you can write till two and see people who are coming in. Watch. That's the beauty about life. You go to a coffee shop. I'm writing. I'm watching. Yeah.

I'm hearing conversations. I'm listening to shit. Sure, sure. Just to get something different. But I don't trust Yum Yum Donuts. I don't want to be in there and get robbed. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's right off the fucking 101.

Yeah. If I was going to rob a joint, I'm going, I know a donut shop. But you're going to get a dollar. And then Han Ram's right there. Even if it's dirty in the car running. Even if it's 35 bucks, I got half a gram coming to me. You know what I'm saying?

I don't want to be in there. That poor Mexican won't get shot in front of me. I don't want to be in there fucking two in the morning. That's number one. Number two. I don't want to end up eating fucking 22 donuts. If you sit with donuts, you're going to become one of those two. You're going to eat one.

Lay with donuts. Lay with donuts. I'm on Weight Watches. You know what I'm saying? That's tough to fucking sit there and smell those fresh donuts. And they got to know an apple one. Look at your eyes. Only Mexicans could make it.

Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. You turned into a puppy dog. You know, you're like literally, you're just sitting there. Those Mexicans make an apple glaze donut over there. They're a fucking rock with little chunks of apple in the middle. Only Mexicans can do that. And I tell Lee, like really, really, really, really white people going there. They ask questions.

Yeah. And the lady don't know what the fuck is going on. Like she has no idea the language. They're like, what flavor? Chocolate. It could be strawberry. She's like, chocolate. Chocolate.

And she don't know. And how many calories in that? Chocolate. Chocolate. Is there gluten free? Chocolate. Chocolate. Like they hire like the women that cannot speak fucking no English.

Yeah. It's a fucking great place. It's small. But my head was going to blow up last night because I just did six shows. I ate dick in one of those shows. Friday night late in Jersey. I go to the comic store and my first five minutes eats a bag of dicks. Yeah.

It's very grounding. Grounding. Yeah. When you kill in Providence in Jersey with a bit and then you call an LA and you don't kill with that bit. And what you want, you want to be the kind of the sociopath who doesn't think about Jersey and doesn't think about the first five minutes. You want to be the person who only rides that high life. That person who's just like, oh, I'm killing it.

But like, I think, you know, like real artists or people have been in the business for a long time. It's almost a self-preservation thing. You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't don't hurt yourself patting yourself on the back for the good ones. You know, the jobs you got or the auditions you killed, it didn't go your way. It's the ones where you just go in and face plant. And those are the ones you just go, man, what? What was I thinking?

What happened? Well, I go, I forced myself about six, seven months ago to go to an open mic once or twice a week where you pay five bucks and you do five minutes and you sit with kids and that has helped me. Same thing that we're just talking about. That has helped me a lot because. And are you watching the kids though? I'm watching the kids studying them. Studying them.

Studying them, learning from them. Like the shit I used to do, didn't do, why his set went bad, where he went bad. You know, you're not a watch the kid that set a brilliant line, but he stepped on it. He didn't let it settle in the room. You fart. It comes out of your ass and it spreads. A joke does the same thing. You learn that through time.

It's like a fine wine that the joke will catch. But if you step on it, it's not going to catch. I learned that acting 101. Well, yeah, one on one. Well, you know, especially in multi camp. Yes. Because in multi camp, because that happened to me a couple of times where I'd like said something funny.

It didn't quite hit. And all of a sudden it was just, I realized it. You know, you can actually, you can get the audience to laugh. They won't laugh right away, but they'll let that joke sink for a minute. And all of a sudden, boom, and here it'll come. And you kind of let them sink and do what Rodney did, give them permission to laugh. Rodney touched his tie, which gave you permission to laugh. Now it's a psychological fucking game.

You know when to laugh. Okay. Bam. Yeah. You're going to laugh every time I do this with my neck. You're going to laugh. I'm training you to fucking laugh. That's the psychological warfare.

It becomes a warfare in your mind. You figure out and when I go to those open mics, I leave them more wired than when I go to the company store. Why is that? I learned more from watching those kids. Yeah. I think that we're actors, comics, anybody in a high profile position loses it like Kanye West and you're not grounded

and you never remember where you're coming from. You have to, I don't go to that open mic and give advice to, I don't tell kids what to do, shut my mouth and watch. And if I become friendly with a guy and I see he's friendly and understanding, I will offer my advice to them but I'm not there to coach nobody. I go there to watch them and I know that I learn as much from them as they do from watching me. And it also humbles me. It makes me remember that time in my career when you're frustrated.

Things aren't happening. You work in a Burger King. You're living in a closet. But you haven't put in the hours yet. Then you haven't put in the hours but you fucking could taste it. Yeah. Want it. Yeah.

When I go to the fourth wall, I know one thing for sure. Those kids want what I have. Yeah. And I want what they have, that peace of mind that I want that, Rick Jagger wrote, you know, when Jesus is down in pain. Yeah. That's the biggest problem we have as actors in comics. What fills our void when we have those doubts and those pains and like with music,

when you had, you know, you put it into perspective now. Yeah. I did. I did. You really did. I was almost scared of it. I was almost scared of it. I compartmentalize it in a weird way.

I mean, like if quitting something is something that's admirable. But I always, and like when the band, the last band that I broke up, I had some really big, big A-list famous musicians and bands approached me to become their guitarists. Like I'm going on stage. I'm not some virtuoso. I'm not the best guy in the world. But the people that book the shows at the whiskey in the Roxy,

were like, you, you're good. And that you could be, you could be a big touring. And I was like, I just, I don't know if I want to be like touring with some, you know, you know, some big, huge recording artists. But do I want to be that? Am I even good enough? I'm the Ro with Zach Wilde on the bus. No, he doesn't take showers for 60 days.

For Zach Wilde. I'm drinking with fucking Zach Wilde. Fuck good, fucking Jack Daniels and fucking playing ribs on a guitar. See, now, now, now I'm listening. I did it. I mean, I wish, you know, there's times. And I, you wish you were single. You wish you didn't have children.

So you could really do that one more. We were getting the car tour. Yeah. What are you talking about, Joey? We're getting the fucking car. You're driving, but, but it's snowing in that Montana. I don't give a fuck. Do 60, you fuck.

We got to be there by the gate, you know? Yeah. In a hotel that smells like Hindu. Yeah. You know, the people who own it are Hindus. It smells like curry. You're up in your fucking room. You hear people fucking next door.

There's no hot water. You know, your bed smells like cologne. You checked into the, you have no idea, Lee, when you're in a bed and you could smell the cologne and the hooker that fucked there an hour before you got into the room. And you got to go do comedy at a bar and there's a drinking contest before you go up. Like before you go up on stage, there's five guys on stage

doing drinking concerts. I went to Chapel Hill. You know, I love college basketball. Cuban, American, college fucking basketball. College football is fucking great. I love all that shit. And I went to University of North Carolina, maybe like in 99. And I walked in there with like, I'm a regular at the commie store.

I'm going to rip this fucking room apart. And they were having a drinking contest. And the guy comes up to me, like a guy pukes and they're like, you know, you're following the drinking contest. It's five minutes and you're on. And I went up there and I was so rattled by the drinking contest that I just ate a bag of dicks. Like I just, that's experience.

That's the journey. But, but the thing that you do choose, like, you know, like you focused, you know, mainly on comedy and focused mainly on acting. And then I think there is really something to, you know, everybody's always about think positive. And, you know, imagine your vision quest board or the hell it is. And, you know, and only be positive, positive. Sometimes I think it's good as sort of as an artist,

you want to be able to sort of, you know, straddle the side of the light and darkness. And, you know, when your things are going good, it's really easy to just be sort of confident and move forward. But every once in a while, something goes bad. It's good to kind of check yourself. It's good to kind of examine that. And like that's the thing about comedians, I think, is that, you know, like you were saying there was that lineup last night.

And I bet you were all there, though, at like different points. Like someone just finished their special. And someone's, you know, working on new material that they're going to do. You've got 10 days, you know, it's D day for you. It's like, you know, someone else got some huge corporate gig, and they're trying to like do something clean. And you guys are all up there working on material for a different reason, but all working, you know, and all learning and all like and focused.

And, you know, you know, for most of my life, I just went to comedy clubs and just I didn't understand the what was going on. I didn't see the matrix of it. I just was like, oh, these guys are getting their talent jokes. Cool. It wasn't until I met David and saw what went into it and saw how like he'd be on a show, his show get canceled. He had a mortgage. He had some alimony. He was on the road, on the road.

You know, there was a way and brothers that, you know, told him to start doing that. And and how he did that and how he nurtured it and how he respected it. And and then like, you know, kind of through the podcast world, that you just started to learn so, you know, intimately about all of these comics, not, you know, not Bob Hope and not Eddie Murphy and not the biggest top of the top. But it's like all these guys who were like the, you know, like the grinders and the main, you know, the main lifeblood of the comedy scene right now. And you can learn so much about them, listen to comedy, you know, listen to the podcast and

what they do and what the grind is. Oh, it fascinates me. And it's kind of, I think it's something that you can also sort of take to your everyday life, no matter what you do, you know, that kind of thing of always be working. This is general. When I talk, when I talk about comedy, I can be talking about plumbing. Yeah, a hundred percent. I could be talking about drywalling. I could be talking about electrical work, roofing.

I could be talking about, well, I can't compare it to like engineering or something like that, because I don't really know that four years of college. Yeah. But if you went to college 30 years ago, that's all gone. It's everything changing as well. Everything's evolving. Like here in tech, you know, every, you know, five minutes ago, dude, it's old news, old business. And so, you know, you always got to be opening yourself up to that. And, you know, and that's, I don't know, man.

It's, I like, it's just like, I can't wait for 10 days. That's crazy that you got fired. Like we all get fired is like, I almost got fired from a commercial because I went off. I'm a director, but I had every right to. He was just, you know, I get there and I see the hat with the feather and the tattoo with the t-shirt rolled up. You know, if you get to a set and you know who the director is by the wardrobe, you got a problem. Yeah.

You know, and it started getting like that. You know, I did one show. The chick was a chubby lesbian with a French poodle, you know, we're directing here. The French poodle at the fucking house with the assistant and she's a half a lesbian and nobody knows what the fuck is going on. It's too much drama, Funko Joey. I just want to shoot a fucking movie with Sam Raimi with the same suit on every day, eccentric, you know, I don't need.

That's why I don't sometimes, sometimes I have a great time acting. Sometimes it's a weird time. Sometimes it's like, what the fuck am I? Sometimes I like sitcoms a lot because you're in and out. Yeah. And show night, show night, man, that's show business to me. That's what that's the thing I love about it. And that's what a lot of actors don't like about it.

Is it's like all of a sudden, I mean, I love it because you rehearse all week and everybody tinkers with the things. I love shooting a live show in the audience, isn't the audience? Well, yeah, because you're used to it. I haven't done it in 15 years. Oh, really? Wow. Shoot.

Like even when I shot Superior Donuts, they shot me on tape. Oh, OK. They shot Friday, but they go, we're just going to shoot you on tape. And then the last two, yeah, have been just close sets. And I did, I'm dying up here, close set. Close set. Oh, interesting. But for years, I would put pilots to fucks.

Yeah. And Friday was a live performance. And I'd fucking kill. I'd kill. Of course you would. And I didn't provide some really pissed-off acting stuff. They would crack. They would crack.

I got purposely fired from Lewis Guzman. Like the show got picked up. You know, like you're in no danger. Oh, man. You were a problem on this set. And I wasn't a problem. Yeah. He said that he wanted me to say a word that wouldn't be said in New York City.

Yeah. That one Puerto Rican would not say the other. So it was a Mexican word. So I corrected the fucking direct angle. Listen, I don't know if I'm nothing. Puerto Ricans don't use these words. He was like, you're going to use what the fucking line says. Yeah.

The way he responded to me, like really, like somebody would be open. Yeah. But the way he responded to me, I was like, fuck you, bitch. Yeah. I did the thing anyway. And years later, I seen him at the store and he came over and apologized. Oh, that's nice. Yeah.

Like I saw him at the camp. Yeah. He was telling me this. Sometimes, man, in the fog of war, people get like, you know, I've been on so many sets and, you know, it's crazy and people are having, you know, nervous breakdowns. People are in a ton of pressure and people weighing over their head. And, you know, and then like, you know, you get through it and you make it and it's fine. And then, you know, years later, like you say, you'll be like a, you know,

Trader Joe's or something or you'll come in and you'll see somebody and they'll be like, man, I'm so sorry. You know, I was just a man. I got letters, I got letters from like people who are just like, oh, it was a mess and I was going through a bunch of stuff. And, you know, you were totally right. And I didn't mean to like overstep or be like this. And I know I'm just like, I know we got it.

We made it. I didn't want to do the longest shot of direct to hate him. Really? Like from the second week. Oh, no way. Because I went to Adam. Oh, yeah. Oh, you know, in those type of movies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the political politics. In those type of movies, you're directing them, but Keith, he's the boss. Yeah. So you're telling me to do something. The boss is telling me to do something. I got to do what the boss told me. I'm sorry. So I would do what the boss told me and he would get mad.

So we clashed. And then at the, and I loved him. I loved him and his wife. And then at the premiere, he told me, he goes, you were not my first choice. At the premiere, I don't know. And I was like, okay, you know, you felt you had to say that. You needed three beers. So fucking 10 years later, I got an audition and IMD be it.

And I go, God damn it. He's the fucking director. Wow. And I go, I'm gonna call and cancel. Yeah. And I go, you know what? No, no, you're not. It's right here in Warner Brothers.

Just go and do your best. And if he sees and he don't want you. And when I walked in, I knew the casting director, the Puerto Rican guy. Yeah. I figured what his name is. I said something to him and I go, do me a favor. If you talk to Peter, tell him, I'm sorry. They got clean off drugs.

I don't do drugs no more. Yeah. He was really talking about, he's the one that requested you. See? So I was like, oh shit. Yeah. Things change. And sometimes it's, you know, and sometimes it's just the business too.

Like, look, there's been twice I've been fired. There was another show that was kind of a train wreck called coupling. And I walked in and walked out and before I got to the car, my phone was ringing out of book, the job. I, you know, some half hour, you know, the dude, I can't remember the role was. And I got to the table read though and they sat down and they saw it. And they're like, oh, he's just too, I was too, I wasn't cheesy. They were like, you know, it was things that I couldn't correct.

I was chosen cheesy enough. They're thinking more of like a cheesy blonde guy. I was actually, I had chemistry with the girl. I wasn't supposed to have chemistry with her. And it was just, I was just wrong. But I needed to find a dude. So they kept me for the whole, like, but you know, you start, start on like a Monday or, you know, Friday, I get the job.

Monday, I'm there at the table read. Monday, they want it. They want to get rid of me, but they don't think they need someone to come in. So Tuesday, Wednesday, it's like Thursday. And we're calling through the whole thing. And like, I could feel the director was kind of like trying to get, get me to make different choices, which I totally was. And, and all of a sudden, man, it was like this, like someone comes up and goes,

hey, Ed phones for you. And I'm like, what? And everybody's gone. And it was, I think it was, it was the set phone in the, on the God damn stage. And I mean, cockroaches, like there's nobody left on the entire stage. First there was a hundred people and there was this one phone. I walked back in this little booth. I'm like, hello, this is my manager.

She's like, hi, Ed. I'm like, oh, did I get fired? She's like, yeah, my God, damn it. Hang up the phone, walk out and one actor's standing out there. And it's a guy named Colin Ferguson. And he walks me to my dressing room and he goes, dude, this show's been a mess. By the way, this episode never even aired. That's how the show was like really coming apart, it seems.

Walk me there. Walk me back. Niceest guy ever. Director called later this afternoon. He just was like, buddy, I'm, you know, I could tell you were trying to like get me to do different stuff and stuff. And you were doing it. It's just like, you're too big, you're too handsome, and you're just like,

we're wrong for the role. You blew him away in the room. Like, oh, they all excited for you. You just don't work for the role, which was all fine. Show never even aired. So I wouldn't have gotten any paid. And then Colin Ferguson turns out to be the lead of Eureka. Like a year later, he and I are on that series for years now we're best friends

and stuff. We're always going to look back and laugh on it. But it was that kind of thing. So it was like the whole thing. It didn't really matter in the end. In fact, it's funny. I'll never forget that moment of like having a PA like say, it was a phone call for you.

I'm like, oh, for me? Where did everybody go? I had no addiction to Fox one day for that show on CBS or something about your mother. How I met your mother? How I met your mother. Yeah, there we go. I had a little hole like right here. Like nothing, you couldn't see nothing.

It was a hole in the seam of the gene, like a little tiny hole. Something had happened. It was too late. I was in the car already at a peak. So the casting people were not going to see the hole. There was no way they were going to see the hole. At the time, I didn't wear underwear. I mean, I'm not wearing underwear.

It's fucking 100 degrees. So walking through how I met your mother. Here comes the art bar. It's a producer session. It's a producer fucking true story. It's a producer session. They're looking for somebody, but they don't know who they're looking for. My manager at the time said, just go in there and rock their world.

It's a comedy. Just go in there and rock their world. So it was a scene where I was sitting down and I have to get up and something happened. There's three women in the room and a gay guy. And I'm sitting down and I get up and the pant got caught. Like this could only happen to me. The pant got caught in something.

And as I got up, it just went. And it ripped. You heard it go like the gene just ripped or the cord ripped. Whatever the fuck I had on ripped. And I stood up and my ball was hanging. And I looked at all of them. I go, you like the Cuban egg roll? And they fucking fell out.

They fell out. And then I just ran with it. I just ran with it after that. You like the Cuban egg roll? I'm sorry. There was a way before Harvey Weinstein. This is 12 years ago. I'm going off about my nut.

I didn't have underwear. My wife didn't do the laundry. I just went off. They were dying. Yeah. I remember them going, thank you for coming in. And I was halfway to my car and my agent called me and said, bro, go back.

You didn't read for them. Oh my God. We were in there talking about the rip in the pan for so long that they go, go back. I went back. I read. They're like, thank you for coming back. We, oh my God.

We, you cracked this up. So they were smitten. They gave me the job. By the time I put the key in, the cord came in. Yeah. Go to your fitting. Go to your fitting. And the next day I went in there and the director hated me.

Like when he looked at me, I could just see his face. He's just going, not this guy. And if you watch the episode today, I'm basically an extra. They gave me like 2,300 to be an extra. They cut my line out and they made me sit there. And I mean, I was in and out of there. Like that's how much they hated me. But that's, but then again, and then you'll probably see the director again.

He'll request you to go, that guy's perfect. That guy's great. It's like everybody's so kind of compartmentalized. And it's one thing that's one thing to learn. And one thing, you know, you're talking to like young actors, you're talking to, you know, people. It's, it's, it's so you can't, you should personalize some stuff. And you should like, you have a bad audition or you, you know,

you know, get a bag of dicks on your first five minutes or whatever you said. It's, you should think about that. And that's because that's part of your craft and part of your responsibility as an artist and how you grow. You also got to realize, you know, what's something like, you know, the director doesn't like you or just didn't go well. And I cut all your lines. I mean, I've got, I'd have like 400 hours of stuff that I've shot

that's been cut out of movies and TV shows and stuff. Or, and stuff that you didn't get wasn't, it wasn't your fault. It was like, yeah, dude, you're just, you weren't right for the role. You weren't, it didn't work. Like this is what we got. And we were trying to like put you in and it was just like, what's this fucking water bottle doing here? Got here.

And so it's just, it just is that kind of thing. And so, you know, and like, I love that story that, that one director like he requested you to come back. You thought he hated you from before. Yeah. But yeah, but all of a sudden he's like, I hate you for that job. Ten years later. Yeah, straight up.

Hate you for that job. But we talked about it. Yeah. What I got. Yeah. I put him on the podcast. Oh, nice. Nice.

And we talked about, you know, what happened. And he goes, there was so much going on. Yeah. He goes, I never really worked for Adam since then. Yeah. You know, it's just too much going on. It's just too much. That's what I say.

Like before I didn't mean it as a comic. I really loved the art. I could teach it. I love it. I'm doing 27 years. Yeah. It's all the way in the belly. I have pre, you know, I didn't, you said it.

I didn't, I didn't put it together for the first two years. Yeah. My first two years as a comedian, I did not put it together until I saw John Leguizamo doing open mic. Interesting. And then it all, oh, so you got to work. Yeah. You know, Leguizamo was at a place with eight people.

One guy getting a handjob under the table. It's 1.30 in the morning on the Hell's Kitchen. Yeah. And Leguizamo thought he was in Madison Square Garden. It was the most brilliant thing I'd ever seen. Like, oh, so he put it together for me. I got in a plane, went to Colorado and just went. Yeah.

Read books on it, did the workbooks, then just, you know, and I had a twist to it because I was going through a divorce and I would have to drop my daughter off on Wednesdays and Sundays. And it was so painful. So I would have a joint in the ashtray. And as soon as I would drop her off, I'd get back in the car and I'd force myself. Even though I was crying and I'd smoke that joint, I'd force myself to go do comedy.

Wow. You have no idea what it's like to walk into a place, wipe your tears as you're walking into the place. Yeah. And I have to be funny 15 minutes later. I did it on purpose. Like, I forced myself to on Wednesdays and Sundays, I used to drive to Nevada at the time. It was a online dancing class from seven to eight and the comedy started at eight.

For four people. Yeah. You know, and here I am broken inside, angry, pissed, broke, hungry, you know, the bar gave you a drink ticket and you cashed it in for like a sandwich. I listen, I don't want to drink, but can I get an order of fries? Yeah. Like that type of shit where you just eat fries, you know, for the night. But trust me, those fries are good like a motherfucker.

You put salt on each one, like each one, you pick it up and you're like, you put, you put ketchup on it. Yeah, you must, like the Spanish, you add the mustard, that's to get a little more. You load them up, baby, a couple more carbs in there. And you sit there like, you know, even as an actor, a musician, you always, what do you do when you get that down? Like when I told Lee that one day you're going to be sitting in a comedy room, somebody's going to fall off the stage or, and you every, it's like every six months

comes the moment of truth where you have to actually stop and look at yourself in the mirror and go, am I getting anywhere with this and be as brutally honest with yourself? Like there's no timeframe. You committed to this. Now you're going to take the ride. You know, I've seen many people come and go and they quit. And I'm not mad at them for quitting. No.

This is a hard. Leslie Khan used to give parties to people who quit. If you quit acting in the corner class, she'd, you have a pizza party literally, like congratulations, you got the fuck out. Like almost like getting like, like graduated from the program or something. Like it was like literally like, good job. What was the last time you saw Leslie? All right, talk to her all the time.

She wanted my dear friend. Send them hello. I will for sure. I will for sure. Yeah. I used to have a crush on her. Oh, everybody does. Everybody has a crush on her.

Yeah. I mean, she's, she's the queen and she's just the sweetest thing on the planet. And she's probably. Does she still live at the place all week and then drives home to a husband on the weekend? Like fucking crazy. Crazy. No, you know what? She's crazy.

She does. And by the way, here's that interesting side story. I actually, I think that her bedroom at the place is all furnished by stuff that I've brought back. I called her from Indonesia. I was in Indonesia surfing, got hurt, hyper extended my knee, tore half my foot off. Was in too much pain to fly home. But so I was just there in Bali with like a cane and limping around. So I just bought a house and the house was empty and I couldn't afford to put anything in it.

But now all this unbelievable furniture that was so cheap and like to buy you buy all this furniture and you'd ship it. And it would still be like a quarter of the price of what it would cost if you went down like on Melrose and bought all this beautiful Balinese crap. I called her. I go, I got, I'm trying to fill out a shipping container. She's like, fill it up. So her whole bed is like canopy beds.

You open it. There was like that crazy acting school and you open up like this Balinese palace in this one room. Does she still have it like that? Yeah. But by the end, like her and her husband, like they lived way out. They moved closer to town now. They lived like not as far away. And so it's a little, she can go home at night now too.

But it's still the way it was all day acting. All dudes like same place. Same place, 17 freaking classroom. I think it's bigger now, man. 17 classrooms going full speed. It's just mayhem. And like so many young actors, so many actors have been able to like, like you were talking, like, you know, we're talking about like,

how do you make the ends meet? Like right now it's May and nobody got a pilot. Everybody's freaking out. How you can pay your mortgage? How you can do this? Everybody teaching classes. Everybody working around, you know, coaching everybody. There's, there's, it's such a good ecosystem for actors learning.

Like, you know, dude, I didn't even get an audition. I didn't do manager. Who's your manager? Do you know anybody, your agent? And so it's just like, you know, the best thing that I think that she created was a community for people to really be able to just figure out what's going on, figure out the business, get a breath, you know, like, it's all comes at you so fast.

And I mean, it's Hollywood is crazy. You're not going to learn anything going and hanging out at the Ivy or getting drunk on some club, you know, on IVAR or some bullshit. You've got to like talk to people who are working and understand it. And, and that's, that's the kind of thing like, you know, like, like those kids you're talking about at the comedy store, they don't know what the hell's going on. They want to be a comic.

They're paying $5 to do five minutes. That's, and that's all they know about the business. And they, you know, once they get, you know, it's a Wizard of Oz. You want it so bad. You want it so bad. You want it so bad. And, but you just see like, you know, you see Rogan on a special, but you don't understand what Rogan, you know,

what it took to get from doing that. Paying for five minutes to get into that. Yeah, no, no, no, no, I always thought that you just went into a room and talked. Like when I'm talking to mediums, like when I would watch Dave Brenna, I figured that he just went somewhere and they just gave him a microphone and he did a new hour. Like I thought it was that easy until you get on stage. And then you're like, it's not, you know, like you're, you're fucking around at work

being funny by the water cooler. Not the same thing. Then you get on stage. There's a big difference. Now you have to adjust that comedy. And that's a journey. Just learning that. Like before I didn't mean it that way.

I love doing comedy. I wouldn't do anything else. It's funny that mine and Rogan, Rogan is a complete different animal. And I'm Rogan, the decent individual, never got in trouble with the law. But our love is because when we sit together and talk about comedy, it's a science. We head down to a science. I learned from him.

He learns from me. I just, again, I don't like all this shit that comes with it. I don't like it. I don't want this to be like Lenny Bruce. I open up for a few strippers. We get a bag of heroin. We go back to the hotel. We shoot some heroin.

We sleep and we wake up at two in the afternoon. And we go get a freshly squeezed orange juice and a donut. When I read Ladies and Gentlemen, Lenny Bruce, that's what I thought this was going to be like. Yeah. And it was completely different. I love the comedy store. I love what it represents.

I love everything about it. The only thing I complain I have is the numbers. Art meets commerce, man. Art meets commerce. I mean, we were talking about Led Zeppelin early. I mean, how many of those guys ended up so broke and lost all their money? Who was it? Who's the guitarist from Glenn Tipton?

Judas Priest. Judas Priest has got all the time. All the time, right. He's having to sell off his rights to the royalties, to the music that he has, because he got invested in some golf course and went belly up and lost everything. And he needs medical care now.

And I mean, this is Judas Priest. I mean, those guys have been touring since I was in diapers. I saw him in 1980, Judas Priest. British Steel, Five Nights at the Parade. Making the law. A fucking theater in New York. I think that was in Def Leppard open for them. I think it was Def Leppard.

That was early Def Leppard. Yeah. On through the night, high and dry. When they sounded like AC DC, before they sounded like, before they went poison. I saw AC DC with Ted Nugent with Bond Scott at the Garden, on Weekend Warriors Tour, and Highway to Hell Tour. I saw the Highway to Hell Tour.

I think it was a day on the green or something. Like I was a kid. I saw the, I saw, I got to see Bond Scott. That was a great thing. That's tremendous. Last night, and today I went to freeze. Yeah. I cryotherapy.

Yeah, yeah. And I had him put on squeela. How long are you in there for? Three minutes and 15 seconds. That's it. That's it. And do you come, do you feel it? Oh, yeah.

Seriously? Oh, it feels tremendous. I go in there, throw punches, knees. I stretch my back. I throw kicks. I do jumping jacks. Three minutes, you breathe. Just focus on your breathing.

Wow. All you do is focus on your breathing. Never done it. Do bend downs. Don't jump up in the air, but the most important thing, because it's the tube and fresh oxygen. Yeah.

So your breathing goes back to being natural. And if you don't breathe like that, you're going to lose it, because you're going to run out of cardio. You got to move for three minutes. You're throwing your hooks, you're ducking punches, you get chased by eight Puerto Ricans,

you know what I'm saying? You're just moving in there three minutes. So if you lose your breath, you're going to have to open that door and go out. Wow. You're going to have like a panic attack. So it's helped you because it makes, what's that thing?

Flight or fight response. Yeah, fight or flight response. It makes that shit keep out of people. Yeah, a lot of that they freak out. They snap. Yeah, they snap. So you got to go in there and breathe, watch the guy and listen to music.

I go in there. I got five or six songs. I got ready for this one. Yeah. Slaves and bulldozers, my fucking bad mode off a bad mode finger. Absolutely. I go in there one time.

I played rhinoceros. Is that it? Yeah, rhinoceros or something. How the hell you, how the hell you skip that song? I play. That's one of their songs. It's like four, seven times or six, seven times.

I think that's just sick. Oh, that Matt Cameron. They're drummers. Oh, and when I lived in Seattle, somebody from that band had a bar. I think the bass player, all the drum, when he played that day, like he hung out every night at the bar.

Like if you went to the bar, I never saw him on that. That was a scene, man. That was a scene. And I could just, you know, it wasn't while you sit there and you go, Cornell, Kurt, and, and Lane, all gone. We're all gone.

And our boy is still fucking making music. The drummer, the prodigy, still going to the mall, getting chased by TMZ. Oh, yeah, yeah. From Foo Fighters. Yeah. From Foo Fighters. Yeah, but the thing is.

There's a pizza place. Does he own that, Lee? I don't know. What did he have? Did you see the pizza place? It's his picture. Yeah, Dave Grohl. Oh, Dave Grohl.

Right on fucking River, right where the old Italian place used to be. There's a pizza place that opened, and that's his neighborhood. He used to go eat at a Mexican joint, Tonys, big Tonys, and people, the lady told him, he goes, he would come in here every day.

And one day we freaked people would knock on the glass and wave at him. We didn't know who the fuck he was. It's Dave Grohl. He was a devout. Just some dirtbag musician. And then one day I go to that mall, up here, whatever's up here, Lee.

Right where he was. The Sherman Oaks Gallery at 1. Yeah, right up here. And I bump into Eddie Brown. And he goes, the last time I was here, I saw Dave Grohl getting chased by TMZ. And not five minutes a year. Fuck you.

And it's Dave Grohl running with his daughter in the mall, getting chased. And then I saw him an hour later in like a luggage store with it. You know, like just fucking hanging out. But yeah, he comes out like that. Eddie Vedder made it. Maybe because Eddie Vedder said,

no, it's just a weird curve. Every once in a while, you start like talking about all those Seattle bands, and you realize they meant all those singers are gone. Let me give some shout-outs. I want to give a shout-out to Mishie, who came down last night. My man, Gino at Speedweed, 47 Ronin, Adam Hughes,

Kyle Dempsey, my man, Bob LaLingus. Tell your mother, I said, happy birthday. Kristoff, Wankas, and sketchy situation podcast. I will be at the motherfucking taping this special on the fourth. But I'll also be at Lucid Casino on June 17th. That's my only date in June. I'm relaxing.

I'm going to put together the fucking package for the book. So I got two months to put a book together. It's been too long, my friend. Let me ask you something. What do you got coming out? Because you said you were finishing up a show. Yeah, like we're talking about actors being scared. So the pilot I did didn't go.

Just finished up this little movie. I've been doing a bunch of stuff with Discovery and Travel. Discovery Communications bought Travel. So I've already shot a pilot for them, a history show that I'm really proud of, kind of an unsung hero as a history. We did a great pilot. I don't know if or when it's going to air,

or what network it'll air on. I hope it's supposed to be for travel, but Travel's going through a whole big shake-up right now. And then I'm executive producing Kusto's Ocean Mysteries, actually. The Kusto's Jean-Michel, Philippe and Celine. We're doing science discovery. We're doing 10 episodes.

Got to go put them in some boats and go look for some stuff. I grew up on Jacques Cousteau. Everybody did, dude. First family of the sea. That motherfucker. First family of the steel. Yeah, and we're sending it. We're sending his son and his grandchildren back out there

and going to go make them look for some more. He was fighting sharks years ago. They're fearless. They're crazy. They think I'm jumping off the boat with them. I'm like, I'll surf with sharks, but I'm not going to go swim down in their neighborhood. Like those people that walk the tightrope?

The Walencas? Yeah. They're like the Walencas of the ocean, these people. They don't give a fuck. No, they're all about curiosity. They're all about, and they're really tip of the spear when it comes to environmental aspects. So we'll be tying in sort of how the science allows us

to explore the sea in different ways, and also how we can keep preserving our oceans. I had quite a pleasure seeing you. Great to see you, my friend. One is the new season of One Day at a Time, per minute. They're writing it right now. So that's... When do you go back to work on that?

I have no idea if I'm going back. I mean, I don't know. It was, it was, it was, it was... Yeah, it's all good. Are you excited about Chicago U of C? Are you still a U of C guy? Oh, I'm a huge U of C guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What finally are you most waiting for right now? I want to see what hat... Well, God, what am I... I gotta say, I mean, like DC moving back up to heavyweight is... Because people forget that he won the, you know, the Strike Force Grand Prix at heavyweight, you know? He could be a beast at heavyweight. He could be a beast.

And if he goes, but, but Steepay, I mean, Steepay has been fighting killers. I mean, he's been fighting savages. And he, you know... He's got the heart of a fucking... Yeah. And he's got, he's got... People don't quite give him the respect, I think,

that, that he deserves. And, you know, and now after that last performance by Amanda Nunes, I would love to see her step up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone's got to challenge Cyborg. Yeah, no, no. And so I don't know. I mean, so, you know, I, the U of C is just,

it's, it never ends. It's always fascinating. Just name a division. You and I can just take the top 10 questions. On June 9th, we're doing a live thing here. A stream for Romero against Whittaker. Oh, that's another one. If you...

If you're, if you're, you're welcome to come up and commentate with me. Oh, that would be fantastic. We'll do it right here. We'll play it. Sort of like a live... The fans could watch it. Yeah, like a fight...

Fight companion. Oh, perfect. But this has stats. They do it up. Matt Milotello does it up really good. It's going to be on sportsbook.tv. And we're also going to have it at other places, but that's, that's going to be the best experience.

It'll have all the graphics. Yeah. So that's what we're doing. June 9th, whatever time the U of C starts, we will be there, motherfuckers. Nice. So I want to thank you again. I want to thank my girl Kishi for always inspiring.

The Christ killer. And I'll see you, motherfuckers. Memorial Day, ready to go. Tip top, Magoo. Thank you very much, Mr. Gwynne. I love you, cocksuckers. I'll see you Memorial Day. Have a great weekend.

Stay safe. Kick that mule, Lee. Man, I can kill the unborn in the womb. The blind may shout, but the cringe is out. We'll show the unbelievers. Lame from screams of human flames. Full front of bells and feet. Yeah, that's the reason for the carnage.

Cup their meat and lick in the gravy. We all have the job of the war machine. And feed it with our babies. The killer's breed of a demon seed. The glamour of four children. Don't you want again? Learn his freedom, stay. Don't you pray for my soul anymore.

Two minutes to midnight. The hands that we turn to. Two minutes to midnight. To kill the unborn in the womb. To kill the unborn in the womb. To kill the unborn in the womb. To kill the unborn in the womb. To kill the unborn in the womb.

To kill the unborn in the womb. To kill the unborn in the womb. To kill the unborn in the womb. To kill the unborn in the womb. To kill the unborn in the womb. To kill the unborn in the womb. The body breaks and lick or wear. It's our children's heart in tune.

And the chilling brains of those who we make. Put your finger right on you. As the men make their own words. And make their songs. To their songs. To the tune of starving men. To make a better kind of girl. A killer's breed of a demon seed.

The glass of the fortune of fate. Go to war again. Blood is free downstate. Don't you pray for my soul anymore. Two minutes to midnight. The hands that return to. Two minutes to midnight. To kill the unborn in the womb.

Midnight. Midnight. Midnight. It's all night. Midnight. Midnight. Midnight. Midnight.

Midnight. Midnight. Midnight. Midnight. Midnight. Midnight. Midnight. Midnight.

Midnight. Midnight. Midnight. Midnight.