Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #590 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt: Hours before Joey shoots his Netflix special

Episode Date: June 4, 2018

Joey Diaz talks with Lee Syatt about what it's like for him to be so close to shooting his special for Netflix. They talk about his comedy career, how his preparation has changed over the years, and why he is ready for this day. This podcast is brought to you by: ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church   Onnit.com - Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.    

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Don't put me off cause I'm on fire And I can't quench my desire Don't you know that I'm burning up for you though You're not convinced that that isn't enough I put myself in this position And I deserve the input Las Vegas You don't even know Oh shit, Viva Viva

Here we go Monday morning, motherfucker's livin' Learn it, here we go I'm burning up for you though Oh shit I'm burning up for you though I'm burning up for you though Oh shit

For you though It's a ho hum day Monday the 4th We're in Las Vegas I'm taping my Netflix special thanks to you fucking savages Thank you for the support Thank you for everything the last couple of years From Bobby Lengas to Bobby Sharon

To fucking Tammy to Lauren I mean just the support's been overwhelming Thank you very much Leon, I mean you know The Sharon's The Sharon's, he called today too So thank you very much, I mean you guys have been great And this is it Since I walked into Weight Watches December 9th

Thinking about this Netflix special If I got it, I didn't want to walk on there All fucking big and shit And so this thing started December 9th I was told in December that I would know by the end of January Well to my surprise I didn't find out till fucking May So that just goes to show you how crazy this business is But I'm very fortunate

I'm thanking Netflix for giving me the opportunity And you know what man, it's crazy Because all along I thought I was prepared And not till last week did I realize I wasn't fucking as prepared as I thought I was So these last two weeks I've been a little I've just been out there banging it You know for months you do 45 to an hour on the road

And you're developing new material You're getting rid of shit But for this special I gotta tell you something No matter what goes down tonight I really really tried Because this is the first time in my life I wrote on a computer So I always write in a notebook But my wife got me this iPad

And I started writing on a computer now On one of the apps there So the whole act has been put up on a computer And you get to eliminate lines and this and that Plus you gotta remember that I go up in front of a podcast audience So you guys know me So you understand the jokes So for the last two weeks I've been going up in front

Of fucking audiences that didn't know me Like that's why I avoided the comedy store Because I didn't want and I wouldn't let Jack Junior Put my name on the fucking list And I wouldn't do a lot of things And I would go to flappers cold Which is a tough audience It's Burbank

Then I used to arm material at that point of the show So it let me see a lot of deficiencies in my act Like a couple nights ago I bombed at the fucking improv On a Thursday night And then I did the store Saturday And ba ba ba ba ba ba But it's been a fucking great journey I know one thing that no matter what goes down tonight

I was prepared The only thing that could happen is something inside Or I get anxiety or I fucking panic Which who the fuck knows But it's funny man I was watching I don't watch that much sports I just don't commit to a sport Because I got a lot of shit on my plate

But I did tape For some reason something made me tape Game 7 Of Boston against Cleveland Oh yeah And I was I've never been a big fan of LeBron James But after all these years I finally got what

He did that Electrifies audiences And I also watched Game 1 Against Golden State the other night Thursday night Why do you think he gets so much hate? I mean I hate as a opposing fan I hate playing him because he's so good

I think he gets fouls called that I don't think are fouls But uh He gets more hate than I think Kobe and Michael do I never gave him public hate Like I just never you know I'm a Julia Serving fan so I go take it back that deep I'm that loyal But you have to evolve

And I love Michael Jordan I always was a Michael Jordan fan This guy was just a harder pill to swallow I don't know why And Game 7 of Boston I saw something that I haven't seen in 20 years I saw a guy

Change the tide of a game Didn't he not come out for most of the game? Yeah like then when he came out Everything he did Was perfect to break down the Celtics Like they were down 0-2 Weren't they? Yeah yeah absolutely And he slowly by slowly

Dismantled the Celtics One by one Game 1 he had 40 something Points 50 points They're following him they're hanging all over him He's got two people on him he's banging Shit with two people on him mostly It's crazy it's fucking

Crazy how he dominates the fucking game And don't get me wrong I like the Golden State guys too You know they're great like I've been Watching basketball for years So I enjoy it But just to see He really doesn't have a great great

Team around them They changed the team halfway through this Yeah so it's all him And I read an interesting article It kind of goes to what you've been doing this week He spends a million and a half Dollars a year on just his body Between a chef

All the treatments he does Everything it was it came out A couple of months ago But he spends 1.5 million dollars a year He's 33 years old and has been doing it For I think 15 seasons

I think it was 03 something like that So it's pretty He has personal chefs Therapy, hyperbaric chambers The leg boots He has trainers It was an interesting read And I've seen you do it this week

Just really There's a work that I saw you do The kickboxing circuit training one That blew me away I saw people my age But who are in shape Struggling with that It was like a 15 station

Circuit training Listen man I went on the road early With Rogan And one thing he always did on the road Was work out and I used to say is he crazy And I'd see Arie walking around with Weird shorts on and Duncan

He would make everybody work out And I'm the only guy that wouldn't go downstairs He would bias the fucking gym Like guys come down Let's do a work out and I'd go yeah sure I'd be in my room smoking cigarettes I wish I would have known How much that helps your mind

That's part of the control That's part of your on stage control Is learning how to Dictate your mind How to take your mind from one place to another You know I was telling you guys In 95 and 94 When I was living in Boulder

And really really on top of my comedy game Yeah I was addicted to coke And yeah I was having problems with my ex wife But boy Was I on top of my comedy game And fucking this and that And analytics and goals And you know

But I wasn't doing the main thing I was doing drugs I wasn't taking care of myself For you to Move forward You have to take care of yourself There's no health there's no movement There was something And I'm sure he didn't come up with it

But I follow Uriah Faber On Instagram and he said something To the effect of So we don't have to get ready essentially And I thought that was an interesting Way to put it I got a call Years ago it had to be like

2004 They called me and I read And I was huffing and puffing in the fucking room Just from reading And I was really excited I'm like man I'll get a reoccurring and shit And they were like nah nah nah nah years later I found out what happened

The fuck is wrong with this It's like a spirit bottle But years later I found out what the fuck was happening And it was that for that audition That the producers really liked me They were going to add a comedic flair to the show But when I got there Joey was a bit too fucking heavy

He had brown bags under his eyes So I threw away years Of not taking care of myself in this town Now I got a daughter I'm going into a lot of years What's my day consist of Whatever I make it I don't have a schedule

So I could basically sleep till 10 Get up, eat a fucking breakfast Whatever Do what I want, no It's got to be more militarized I got to be accounted for my day time It's really hard Some people get up and go to work in the morning

Most people do, yeah I don't do that So if I'm not on a schedule I'm killing myself to live I'm just spinning my fucking wheels So there's days I have to be there at 9 To really zap me which a Monday morning What would you rather be doing at 9

Than just work out out of the fucking way Done, done The thing I dread the most Is getting up and going to work out I'm going to have a heart attack Somebody's going to punch me in the fucking nose I can't do comedy for two days There's always an excuse to give yourself

I didn't sleep enough My blood pressure is too high I give myself all those excuses Then I go to the closet and I open it up And I put my gear on Because I'm putting my gear on You know, I don't want to do any of this shit I'd rather be watching narcos

Smoking dope myself But you have to It all contributes into the package Remember I was telling you one time that What Contributes to you being you Like your whole day Is contributed to you being you

What do you mean by like what you do as you are Yeah, like stand up So you know there's days I don't have to be there To 11 8.30 I'll get to the coffee shop at 8.30 And order three eggs, two eggs With wheat toast

And I'll sit there and the first 45 minutes I just eat breakfast So at 9.15 I'm ready to fucking write And I'll sit there until 10.25 Then I run home Take a piss, put on a gi And go there So now I know when I come back I have to do something else

At 1.30 once I get home I got to jump on something else Swimming with mercy Or I got 4.15 Ballet on Wednesday Did you ever do it as part of a group with other comedians Or you prefer to do it alone? What's that? Do like your work through the writing process

I think that the writing process In the beginning you should hook up with comedians So you're held accountable Like one night with one guy And one day with another guy Just so you have one night training And one day training And you just both write your own material and maybe run it past

But you can get 3 or 4 guys And go to NoHo Diner every Wednesday To 1.30 That always works too Or if you get a bunch of guys And get together somewhere Before you go out that night So it's fresh in your mind

Fresh in your mind So what changes When you're writing a special That now you prefer to do it alone? I've always written alone So for me to have outside people Is just I can't sit down with 4 fucking people At this point in the game

I can sit down with 4 people to get critique from you What do you think? What do you think? And that's what I've been doing I got you, I got Theo Vaughn I got fucking Tony Hinchcliffe on Saturday night You know I'm bouncing shit off people I've been working with people

People come up to me and go hey You just said to me the other line With the murder burgers line All these little lines are one minute Either adding a minute or cutting out a minute So I'm seeing the big picture You know it's not that I'm an ego type guy

That I can't write I've never written before people before Like I've never sat down with 5 people It's just something I never did Well I always hated In school I'd ever like to group projects Not that I was ever the smartest guy But I didn't like

When someone wasn't Doing their part of the project I would get nervous or anxious About how the grade was going to be So that's why I kind of enjoy stand up Because it's only You're the only one writing your thing

But I can see where it's also Like I went to two new mics last week I went to a mic outside of the house And I went to the Burbank VFW Which I hadn't been to And even though I'm a one man band I need Like one day these guys will be running shows

Or the economy And I'll need to know who they are To get on these shows So it's a weird mix I don't know about Having a show at the improv I don't think that deep You're always getting on stage

No matter what There's a level When you commit to it in your mind That you're just getting on stages It doesn't matter You're just looking for sets every night It don't matter, you're a whore It don't matter

And it's so weird how One day you actually One day you realize You've been doing something for 20 years It really changes in your head When the realization of that comes Whether you're at a job For 20 years

I'm talking about even Fucking general shit Like you get up one day When you're 18 and go Up the corner to that gas station And one day he promotes you to assistant manager One day he promotes you to manager And they put you in charge of tires

And one day you've been there for 20 fucking years The realization Fucking hits you Like the first goal is 10 Like once you've been somewhere for 10 years That has to fucking dawn on you a little bit It has to bother you a little bit

And it has to excite you a little bit Both of those, it has to be A hot and spicy, what's that Like a bittersweet feeling Why would it be bitter? Because I've been here for 10 fucking years What am I doing with my life? I wanted to own a motorcycle shop

By the time I was 30 Do you know what I'm saying? That's why it's a bittersweet No matter what happens Even if you've been somewhere for 10 years And you're doing great And you get the medical package You get five days off a year paid

For a heartbeat Every day you wake up and say to yourself Can't I be doing better? Just if you have a heartbeat Can I just be doing a little bit better? Why am I struggling to pay my credit card bills? Why do I have to move now To save on rent?

Why am I considering a roommate? Every three months you should consider Where the fuck you stand I did, even when I was making eight grand The fucking year Doing stand-up comedy Even if that Yeah, but 800 a month

To someone like me sounds amazing Doing comedy Just do up stand-up Know the work every once in a while I'd get my security Thing hit Because every six months When you're doing comedy

What am I doing with my life? I'm not bringing any money in There's nothing going into the savings There's definitely nothing going into the 401k There's definitely nothing going into my social security So I better get a job Just to add to my social security So this should end

I still get social security, something You know, social security is built up How much you work and how much you make Oh yeah, absolutely, yeah And you weren't paying taxes for like nine years No, no, so who do you know When you're making un-listened Always remember, the feds knew exactly what I was making

People with whatever M44 and you know, what's that shit 1099 You don't give a fuck You just rip them up and shit You rip them up and give them back to the mill Shove this up your ass I ain't paying this fucking shit

Hilariously You love comedy that much Without thinking about the consequences If it wasn't for my wife I would have never gone to the IRS building in Square You still wouldn't have done it? Fuck no, she talked me into it She scared this shit out of me

They were the nicest people I've ever done business with Well, you didn't know them like They billed you 3 million Huh? It's not like you owe them 3 million, luckily No, but they still fucking gave me A hefty fucking number It was still, it was six years I had to pay that shit off

Six years, a lot of fucking years, Jack Yeah, dude That's, I over I probably overpay my taxes Just because I have no interest In going to jail, like I'm very I'm very Conservative with like the deductions

I don't do meals and stuff Definitely, nobody's interested in going to jail Some people don't mind People don't walk around and go, you know what I'm gonna beat the government so they get me Some people, I talk to them, they're doing their taxes And they take off every meal and stuff And it just, that seems risky to me

Every time you go to a subway to say Oh, I was writing or something Some day they'll get fucking knocked up But it's just really weird how Working out Writing, making you Like I didn't, for years I did comedy I didn't fucking sit down

I didn't sit, when I read that thing And Stephen King to force yourself to sit down Two, three hours a day I never even thought of that shit And for the first month You're like, what am I doing with my life? Why am I sitting here? Why the fucking I remember so many times in 1998

Like I just drove by where I lived It was on Moore Park And Up the block from McDonald's Right there, right? Right down the block From that church, on Moore Park Like Violin? Violin Violin and Moore Park I lived

In 1998, I got stuck on that block And I was looking Into the building, thinking about when I lived there And I would sit on that little balcony And I would sit out there in the afternoon Thinking I was like fucking Stephen King But nothing, the notebook would be Wide open after two hours

I was basically just getting sun And thinking about dumb shit And I remember like licking Like having the pen in my mouth And like two nights before I was snorting coke with that pen So now my mouth would get numb And I'm like, what the fuck is going on here?

Why am I in the mouth numb? Because I'd be writing with the pen I was snorting coke with two nights earlier It was just crazy, but I was Nothing was getting out I didn't figure it out till like My space That I was writing a little better

And because of my writing that block My improv skills had improved On stage, I was a lot more Sharper on stage Yeah, I was You can always tell One of the differences I noticed Between someone at my level and someone

Even at the Augustinos level Ten years in, something like that It gets more and more refined And there's less, I've heard people call it Bad or waste, the words are more important Right, you look at the words That'll fucking knock down the tomb Instead of

It's weird how even storytelling You have to cut the fat down And cut the fat down That's what I'm trying, listen I'm trying to take an hour's worth of material And cut it into 28 minutes So I went a little overboard at first I had too many fucking punch lines

And no segues It was just a machine gun rally I couldn't even keep up the tempo So I was gonna ask you earlier, is there And I think you just kind of answered it Is there a difference Between writing a 30 as opposed to a 60? Absolutely

Could you make this 30 Just expand it a little bit more And do it in 60s, that's what you were saying earlier So it could be the same set But you're just condemned Talking more, you're giving more facts You're going into a different story You could slow them down a little bit with a story

While they drop in checks You know, there's all the psychology to it It's just not fucking going up there I didn't notice, nobody knows these things Nobody knows these things Nobody knows I can't explain to you what it's like to drop a check Like I just went to Jersey

And they do it all weird in Jersey They do it different at the stress factory They don't drop checks till you get off the stage Do you like that? No, because it throws my timing off I'm waiting for them to drop those fucking checks Oh See, that's really interesting

Because literally every other comic I've ever heard That's part of the game But you build it into your set There's a check drop story There's not a check drop story There's just a momentum that builds at that point I know I've got 10 to 15 minutes 12 minutes

And my material has to be deadly Because I'll lose them And I can't get mad at the club for that I get mad at myself for that A lot of comics will run off stage I can't believe they drop checks to them That's what they do, there's a business There's a business, I don't know if you know this

This ain't no fucking artistic fucking Go sell out at theater if you want that shit But tonight, this is a comedy club In Jersey, they don't drop the checks That throws your timing off You don't know where the fuck you go I never even thought about that That's like Monday night tonight

I'm not going to be able to They're just dropping checks They're not dropping checks They give you true drinks before you go on stage Before the show starts And is it Are you taking into account Because this isn't a comedy club

Do you write differently If you think you're going to be in a theater? No, I've got to be funny Doesn't really matter what room I don't give a fuck about it That's what kills comedians That's a killer right there, just be funny Don't worry about the room

Don't worry about the color It's a theater, don't worry about it Just be funny I can't explain to you what goes into a theater What goes into a rock room What goes into a comedy room There's differences in noises and sounds And different effects

If they picked it, it's because It's going to be like the cheetah When you're in a theater And it's 6,000 people, 4,000 people Yeah, your timing goes a little off Because your energy has to go out And then it has to come back in So you have to be very careful

Or you don't step on your own lines Interesting But don't worry about that Till you're doing 6,000 drinks What I was more thinking about Is I was talking with some other comedians About a bomb I had And what I didn't do was I didn't adapt

To whatever... You never adapt to the room You're in a learning position right now But aren't I supposed... No, all you have to do is be funny For right now Then as you go through You'll learn what rooms do what

But I don't ever want you to go into a room predetermined I want you to learn the room And if you bomb That's part of the game You took a chance I meant more like To expand on it If you do your first joke

And they don't respond the way you think Would you adapt your material then? No, keep going Pound on them and believe in your material And then later on make changes But what happens is sometimes You get too confident in your material You throw out one line, they don't laugh

You got a steamroller That means you didn't say it right That means you got too cocky on the joke That means you got too cocky on the punchline There was a look on your face Maybe the fucking shirt you're wearing You got too many variables When you go out there

You got 30 seconds to make somebody like you Do you know how rough that is Without opening up your mouth I look like a fucking criminal You're a 5 foot 2 guy That looks like a dumpy dumpy And I look like a fucking fat fucking criminal Like this guy could be in the mafia

So that's their first thing They're reading you from that There's so many variables But you don't need to do or die That doesn't be funny Especially at your level You're a thinker and that thinking gets in your way In all aspects of your life

You think too much And about shit that don't fucking matter That doesn't even matter To what has to do with you or what you need to do That's the worst thing When you become a comic you have to let all that shit go The other night I was walking into the store On Monday night

You were calling me about Friday Like I gave a fuck Sunday night I don't know anything else Who gives a fuck? It's Friday But it was relentless in your head It was relentless You have to let all this shit go If you become a really good comic

That shit, that safety net in your mind Has to disappear It's really important Very important that you let yourself go And that's what some people don't have And that's what some people While they never succeed Because they never let themselves go

And they questioned everything Go up there and be free That's why you didn't become a doctor Or a lawyer You became a comic Right now you're in a comic zone Why think? You've been doing comedy for six months

Right And you ask like electronic engineering Questions on comedy Just learn what you're doing for two years Just get out there for two years And then That's when I really start to hit you Don't get absorbed

You know, it's like Right now you're a poor guy That hangs out with rich friends You ever have that feeling When you hang out with rich friends And you're like, what the fuck are you doing And they're like, oh they're in lobster tails And three drinks and a table wine

For that chick over there And you don't know who's gonna pay You don't know if they're gonna make you pay You don't know where the fuck you stand Right now You have rich friends You have Theo Vaughn Sam Tripoli and Rogan talk to you about this

And different people talk to you about this But This is why I want you to always remember That you're you and they're them And what you're gonna get away with And they're gonna get away with is two different fucking things And that's why I don't like comedy in Los Angeles

Because You don't have these situations If you're in Boston Or Michigan or Texas Or Florida You're not next to Louis CK And fucking Whitney Cummings And these people

So To you, you look at it at a higher level Do you know what I'm saying? I see where it could go Yeah, right now you're rubbing elbows with these guys A lot of comics at the six month level Don't have these opportunities Most of them don't, yeah

So I want you to always remember your place Where you are You know, always remember where you are And where they are I've seen too many comics come to this town Come up to the fucking store And by the way, they forget who the fuck they are Because four comics talk to them

How many comics I've seen bounced out of the fucking store Over the years Do you have any fucking idea because they've gone up there And I've said this a thousand times About everything That you don't go where you don't belong You don't go where you don't belong You know

You go, you look And you absorb and you boogie And you keep in the back of your mind That that's where you want to end up But right now If I go up there and dabble For some reason I talk to a girl And I end up fucking her in the ass in the bathroom

Now I fuck up my chances at the comedy store In ten years So you don't even want to go down there Like You come down with me, your family We've been doing the podcast, you've got a lot of friends down there But other nights You stay clear of it

You go to this place, you go to that place I was asking these questions Mainly just as interested With the process you just went through But even though I wasn't trying to be like that You're absolutely right That I do overthink Everything

It's not going to work for you You can't overthink it Overthink your joke and commit to it And go home That's why that notebook is so Important It's June 1st, I'm going to start it tonight So important

It's so important Because to think something And to read it off paper It's two different things When you call me up and you go My hang of dicks and when you see it on paper It's completely different It hits your soul

It's like somebody sticking a toothpick in your fucking soul In your heart That's the pain you get It juggles your heart a little bit When you see a bad joke When you read that you bombed And then you look back at the end of the month And then you actually figure out how many bombs you had

And how many medium sets you had And how many good sets you had Like the percentages are crazy And you really commit to it And it just becomes Like going to summer camp for comedy And it's like going to summer camp for anything Whether it's football camp, basketball camp

Baseball camp The last five weeks I went to basketball camp When I was in the 8th grade And that's what I've been doing the last five weeks I've had to be accountable For all my days I've had a fucking new comedy

For those days The fourth wall To the comedy store main room You know what I'm saying? Like I've covered everything along the way From the haha to the flappers To the improv I've been everywhere except the laugh factory

So instead of So instead of Worrying about what situation You've put yourself in every possible situation So whatever happens tonight happens And you'll be ready for it And to top it off I had a couple people call me up

And that were close to me And they said over the years, especially at the store And they go, hey, I heard you got a Netflix special Not for nothing When I was watching you tonight They were laughing at this And I think you wanted to laugh at this But this is what they were laughing at

And I was like, wow, thank you for letting me know And what Is there a reason why I mean, I know your apology is busy But Do you think this will change how you work Even when you don't have a special coming up Like should you keep this rate up

Well I learned from the mistakes I've made Like I've told you, I enjoy doing stand up comedy There's people who really enjoy Doing carpentry You know what they hate doing me? Dealing with people and selling that carpentry Right, they just like making their stuff

They just like making their stuff, I'm one of those guys Once it becomes a professional level We'll have to make a living off it Some weekends bother me, some shit bothers me about it But I continue to do it I'm a comedian, this is the fucking nest I made In 27 years this is the nest I made All these sets you're doing that you're not getting paid for

You'll get paid for them Just keep doing them Don't doubt, don't think it Why, when, what is my Ship gonna come in It's coming in All I could do right now is to watch guys Like Dean Delray

Watch what they're doing Watch what Kate Quigley is doing And watch what Theo Vaughn is doing These are the next guys in the rotation I can't see anybody else In the rotation with those three people right now And I've seen them get themselves there So now in a way

Reminds me of what I did To get myself in those positions For them, I congratulate them Because they did it with stand-up I didn't do it with stand-up I got into movies Until I got into a big fucking movie And now that let that

Put people on notice That this guy could do some damage I'm gonna treat him a different way Give him different deals But I think a lot of people Also have heard when they get big movies Like maybe if they're doing stand-up they stop doing stand-up If, like let's say

Your life had gone a separate way And after the longest yard You kept doing big huge movies Do you think you'd still be doing stand-up right now? Yeah Because you missed the freedom Listen don't get me wrong I love doing a movie and all that shit

But the freedom from stand-up Especially now Is so overwhelming A freedom that I've worked hard to To get Like I didn't have this freedom in the beginning Now I have this freedom So now that I have this freedom

It's pretty hard to fucking do Anything else Yeah you can, now what about the other way Cause right, it's pretty I met you right after you had been Considering working at a Cardiola ship Let's say that had happened, do you think you'd still be doing spot?

Yeah, I was always in the new spots Even if I quit I was gonna quit If you listen to the story I was still going on the road Interesting That was it, I was still gonna do spots around town And still

Audition and still work on movies And TV for my insurance I just didn't think It was a future on the road I'm not a big fan of The Ralphie May Road The Richard Jenny Road I'm not a big fan about that

I'm not a big fan of what the road does to you At certain ages, what it doesn't do to you It's needed I respect the Rogan Road How he did it The first 12 or 15 Whatever years of him being here He was on a TV show, knock him if you want

It kept him A man that he didn't have to go on the road every week And it's so great cause that's all I want right now I know I'm not ready for what I'm saying That's my goal, that's it That's what I do I tell you I did it

Like what I wanted in 95 I started succeeding in 96 Which was going on the road as much as I could And it didn't matter where I'd go to Elko, Nevada, I would go anywhere I didn't give, you don't look at it that way You don't look at it as a fucking dead end place Till you get to a higher place

And you go, I'll never go back there again You know, it's just the It's just the natural Progression Progression of, it's not that you're being a bad person You just decide when I can't go back there And host a fucking bikini thing I can't go back there

And follow the asthma bowl A bunch of people would gas mask on You know, you go to Elko, Nevada It's a bunch of people with oxygen mask on They're fucking 80 years old They were smoking pot since 1920 And now, I don't know I'm just, uh

You just grow out of certain places And you go, I'm not gonna perform there You know, there's times I go to clubs now And I go, I'm not coming back here I don't like how they did this I don't like how they did that, you know I want to do things a little differently So this doesn't work for me

When I come to do comedy I don't want to have those doubts in my mind That's why when I go on the road I don't do podcasts or nothing like that I just want to focus on stand up You know, last Friday in LA They called me on Thursday with an audition And I refused it

Because I didn't want to learn nine pages of dialogue Right before you shoot I don't want to learn nine pages of dialogue I don't really give a fuck about June 15 As a matter of fact, I'm out of town June 15 So I don't want to be I don't even want to fucking compromise those dates

I'm going away with my family to celebrate So that's it, you know No, I'm happy I did What I did the last time I'm gonna take some time off Really? Yeah, because I tell you what, when I shot the CISO special You keep working

You keep going on the road with that material And you're just burning yourself up You're just burning yourself up That's it, I've been, you know, last night I did three spots, the night before that I did two, you know, last week I was in Jersey, I was in Tempe You know, the weeks before that

And I've been everywhere, it's not like I've taken the night off It's like I've been fucking going rough I've been going so rough lately it disrupted my sleep pattern Like I've been You know, staying up till two One-thirty, you know, like it fucked me up That way, but I don't give a fuck You need to do this from time to time

I'm gonna take two weeks off Then I'm gonna fucking get into some comedy Thursday Friday, and then Saturday I'm gonna go To the Calusa Casino Tremendous A little something for you, Lee Thank you for that It's so nice

And then I'm taking two more weeks off No, then I'll start writing The seven weeks I'm staying in Is basically to finish The proposal for the book It's time to get that finished now So you'll still be writing but something different Yeah, still be writing and still be going back and forth

Between the book and comedy Okay, but you're just not performing as much Not performing as much Oh, okay And then once Like a week before Vegas I'm really starting back into the system I have 15 new minutes to try

Now we're down to seven or eight I got some bits I didn't use On this 30 minutes, you know what I'm saying So I'll be doing that And then the next thing I'm working on is Immigrant Mentality Which I already have 15 minutes for Immigrant Mentality because I couldn't use it for this

I didn't know which boat to jump on So I have jokes for Immigrant Mentality I can use on this special but I'd be wasting my time Okay A year and a half ago Something like that, day of CISO special Versus day of Netflix

Finally It's like being in the ABA And then going to the NBA Wow It's like being in the USFL And then going to the NFL I'm very fortunate That I'm going to be there

I'm very fortunate that I got the opportunity So this is why You know, this is why I wanted to be a little better Than I did before for CISO I'm happy this is a dirty special I could say some degenerate shit That I've done, you know what I'm saying I'm happy they called degenerate

So I could do some of that material It's time to get that out there Talk about the kidnapping Talk about fucking, you know I'm no Harvey Weinstein, all this shit You know So that's it, I'm just excitedly Fuck yeah, bro

We listen, man There's no pictures of me There's no pictures of me, no way I was not the fucking guy They were putting their money on So yeah, this feels tremendous From that perspective Now when I see him, I can look him in the eye and go

Remember, cocksucker When you told Ralphie May Why was Joe bringing Harvey and Joe Diaz on the road with you I love to see that guy today I love to see punks like him today You know what I'm saying? To remind them Give them a hug I just suck my nuts

Get back, I'll work your club soon But I'm not that type of person I would not throw nobody under the bus People make fucking mistakes I made tons of them So I'm very fortunate that I'm here So it's very humbling There you go

You figured it out, cocksucker It's Monday, June 4th Sure, I'm fucking excited, Lee I wanna be around To pick up the pieces When somebody breaks Your heart Some somebody

Twice as smart As I Yeah Let me give some shout outs real quick My man Sammy Sosa Little Haitian hippie Getting baked with Lori I love you

I got the bread, I got everything The fucking cookies, I got everything I love you, thank you Because I lost a note you gave me I must have put it in my pocket My wife washed it But I love getting baked with Lori I don't even know what the fuck your last name is

But you know I love you, cocksucker I don't forget the Calusa Casino June 16th One night only I don't know who the feature act is yet But I'll let you fucking people know But that's it brother I feel happy

I feel fortunate What I started in that little apartment in Boulder What I went through, it was all worth it I'm just really happy man I'm not saying I'm accepted I'm just happy I get to shoot 30 minutes Who gives a fuck about anything else

You seem more relaxed than last time Yeah Not like a Besides working out Beside hanging at home with the family Beside doing the podcast I also went back to church You know I went back to church

A few times early morning Just to bring me back It's been a complete Different I stopped chewing the nicotine gum Cause I was feeling fucking shitty And I'm off that 8 days now You know no methadone

No nut that I just quit I should be irritated because of that I'm not irritated because of that I'm 55 I've been in prison You know so many things have happened And now I got the opportunity to be on Netflix The biggest

The biggest showcase For comics Somebody fucked up Somebody fucked up But they didn't Somebody just worked hard Somebody outworked the person Who didn't want me to be on there

So I outworked that person It took 27 fucking years Should I be ashamed of myself? Maybe At times But no this is just to let people know not to give up Don't give up Who could criticize you? Nobody They criticize you

When you're in jail, when you're tweeting dumb shit Or when you're whatever But they can't criticize you when you're doing the right things And you're trying to do the right things I compared my life to 30 25 years ago It's two different fucking people It's two different people

It's horrifying It's horrifying that Comedy changed me for the better Like I said it before I'm scared to do the most Turned out to change my fucking life Like a fucking founder youth I don't fucking know

This comedy was what you were scared to do the most? Please We've discussed this before That the thing that Is gonna change your life Is the thing that we're usually scared of the most Because we're scared to change Nobody wants their life to change

Nobody, even though we really fucking do deep down inside Everybody wants to have a boat With Johnny Uber And fucking Get that dick sucked But it ain't that easy Sometimes if you get it It doesn't taste as good

If somebody just gives it to you Life doesn't taste good When somebody just gives it to you I see people who get shit Given to them all the time And they don't appreciate it I appreciate every step Of this fucking journey

And memory I appreciate every time Every time I drive past that fucking grand station I fucking laugh about a new story Whether it's getting the blow job On the way to Buffalo from the stripper The cops are looking for a rock chest You know

I think a story is when The bus stopped for a 20 minute break And I don't have to go around the building And smoke a joint And get a subway sandwich for a fucking That's all that was open You know You can see the lights in his eyebrow

Just the filthiest fucking guy Who works a bus station Subway Some guy that's just missing an eyeball He's just barely homeless And just no gloves He's got no gloves but you're so hungry You're like just use your hands

I know you took a shit You're eating that fucking turkey bologna And that coke cut special What do you think Pick a time I was going to say What do you think Open Mic or Joey would say If like you could time travel And be like hey we got a special

On Netflix in 2017 We got a special Now let me ask you this Is Netflix the equivalent of an HBO special To me from the way you I didn't grow up with HBO special like you did But the way that you describe it Where it is the ultimate prize

I think so I mean obviously It depends with specials and other platforms And it's great to have them there But Netflix has what is it I think it's 100 million subscribers I think that's what they just came out with

Maybe even more than that now I think more people probably Are watching Netflix than cable now I would love to see the numbers They'll never show up but Based off of a TV station special And a Netflix streaming special

I would bet more people watch it To me Especially the people that you really care about You're not really looking for Like The older genre like the Seinfeld fans Maybe you are But I think for the relevant

Comedy fans Yeah they're on Netflix You know I didn't know Till recently that And I'm very impressed by it I'm very impressed by people Who are just comedy fans I've met more comedy fans

The last three or four years That I admire what they do Because they're comedy fans The way I was a music fan And I really like that I really really really like that Like that makes my dick hard That people really do

I'm a fan of laughing I'm a fan of fucking laughing If it has something to do with laughing I want to laugh We all want to laugh our asses off That's why we're fans of television shows Certain whatever videos We want to laugh

And it's great when you find someone new Like we were talking about Netflix I had never heard about her And then last year her first special came out And now I watched her Second one immediately Because I loved her last one It opens the door

And it not only opens the door For you guys to get fans And to get people who like you But Like someone like Nate Bargotti Who's in the South I saw his 30 minute And it blew me away

I might not ever get to see him And as It gets More accessible to shoot specials It would be interesting for me to watch The guys that you talk about that don't leave Denver Like maybe I'd love them It's just

It opened up the world To Comedy that you might never see You know You hear about all these things With Comedy Central and I personally I have nothing against Comedy Central They weren't going to change my life or whatever

But You know If you're a consumer And you're watching Netflix And you're watching Comedy Central Lost faith in Comedy Central Like one thing I learned from watching you Is

I remember who you were a fan of Before you started doing comedy And who you're a fan of today Once you got on stage Everything changed Once you got on stage four or five times You get to see behind the curtain a little bit And that guy just ain't that funny anymore

You get to see guys That talk about their lives And that guy just ain't that funny No more And I know it goes the other way It goes the other way from people to me That's the way life is I'm not ever angry at that

But it's so weird that once you get on stage Those people aren't that funny to you Like I said I like watching Netflix specials I really do Don't get me wrong I really do But when I sit at the store on a Tuesday night

Watching Ron White That's as good as it gets For 20 minutes That's as good as it gets Like live comedy to me Recently Recently especially after I saw Dean Delray on stage singing AC DC

Like live Comedy to me has really come back to me Like has made me a fan As a fucking 27 year old Veteran fucking comic Well it blows me away and I think What this is doing Because I've been going to comedy shows

Since I was in high school I remember going to where you go in New York Gotham We were on a college trip My mom, my brother and I went and I was a teenager I've always loved it And then I see on Facebook I'm with friends with a lot of these podcast people And they'll post

They'll be like 28, 30 Just going to my first comedy show And to me I'm like how could you not have been to a comedy show before But I think it's opening up To these people who never even Would have considered it To go see live comedy

An experience because it is different It's the difference between Going to a movie theater And having a great crowd opening weekend Versus going and seeing a comedy by yourself Couple weeks ago I went to see a play Remember I told you? I don't even know I went to see a one man show about Lenny

Lenny Bruce and it was so crazy How I learned I really learned I mean I love theater I love watching it, it's just bad fucking theater You know I don't want to pay $200 For a ticket at the Pantages Theater

That's not a lot, that's a production I'm talking about a shitty fucking theater In Hollywood You have to go downstairs And you get bit by mosquitoes and shit And it's BYOB and people are drinking And then you can smell marijuana And three people doing a scene

From a fucking something On stage that looks like it got bombed Like a state Looks like something in fucking Who fights the Jews all the time? Palestine, it looks like a stage in Palestine That got bombed by somebody who was on stage Playing the ukulele or some shit

You know there used to be these little fucking theaters In Hollywood, there used to be one By a cross the street from Hollywood High School They were all over Hollywood And that night before stand-up I would zip into them Like I would do, I would go to acting classes With different students that would do those To me they were off

Off-Broadway type plays And they were better than the productions Like I see the work Like I would see the work And that's how I feel about Live stand-up Even though I'm about to shoot a fucking Netflix special Like that's what fucked me up on this special

That it was completely different From me doing a show At the comedy store or whatever This is gonna be seen by people Who have never fucking seen me before That know me from YouTube or a podcast Or not even that They just gonna see who's coming up on

They're gonna see this show called the degenerates They're gonna read up and they're gonna watch these comics Maybe they've never seen Christina So now it's a different platform Believe it or not, your first five or four minutes Have to be describing who the fuck you are Yeah, it could be their first introduction to you You know, so you have to describe

So it changes a lot of things I'm trying to fucking Hold on to this as much as I can So I'm happy it's a dirty show I'm happy I'm shooting for Netflix And to be honest with you, Leigh I'm just all around happy That's awesome

I'm happy because I don't know if I could even tell you people It was my dream I'm just happy that I'm not fucking Rob anymore I'm happy that I have a wife And a child, so I made

I filled that gap in my fucking heart I'm happy that We do this podcast, you know And it succeeded, six years we've been on And we've never missed a fucking podcast And, you know But Remember Paul T. Murray

He came on the podcast, guy from Boston Oh yeah He was a director, you know He passed away Tuesday And anytime somebody passes you It makes you think about your life And where you stand Somebody who's close to you

He directed me in two films One film was the film that changed my life When I found out he died I felt bad because on that movie I went off on that movie Because I stopped doing blow And they were the easiest target And I went off one day about the table

The food table Because we had to work on a Sunday And I didn't mind that they sent us out to lunch on Friday and Saturday But on Sunday Have something here for us, have some class And cost you 50 bucks You know what I'm saying, like I felt it that way Like we're working on Sunday

At least when we get off the stage have some chili I don't care if you go by it's 10 cans of dente more And put in a crock pot And just give us that with white bread It's better than us getting the car That gives us the family environment You know what I'm saying, they didn't do that And I got pissed off

I kinda went off on Balti And this was This had to be 2007 when I got off the blow But he understood You know, he came over to me later like a man He goes, bro, you're right These producers are cheap fucks They're going to get a table full of food right now

Because I told him we'll call after and see Let's call after and say I can see if this is acceptable A fucking banana And a peach and some date nuts and shit Nah bitch, they had those things What do you call those things? Those nuts That you bite into Crew nuts, whatever the fuck, that's all they had

Peanuts? No, the other nuts Walnuts? No Pistachios? No, the ones that come in the bag That whatever, they're like 65 calories And they have all different flavors now It don't matter, that's what they had And you know Even though all that stuff, I feel a little guilty

But I don't even know what the point was here I'm still in the fucking game, Lee I'm 55 years old I could have been a thousand things And just to understand That I'm still in this fucking comedy game And

All I can think about, Lee Is 1995 The last seven weeks What was that? Was 1995? 1995 was The year that I had to make Fucking a thousand decisions And I had a living room

Not bigger than this fucking studio Wasn't any bigger than the studio And there was a basement apartment With a window Like above the door that had Three feet of light and there was another window On that side And then I had a bedroom and I had a

A wooden, I had a metal shower And a fucking stand-up shower And a toilet There was maybe a mirror on the fucking wall There was no mice, it was clean There was no animals or anything like that It was a clean apartment But it just defined sadness

Like I never cooked in that apartment I lived in that apartment for two years I never cooked a fucking meal in there Not once The refrigerator had water, Soda and beer What's that called? Fat Fat tire?

That's all I drank in those days I had fat tire and cocaine But that apartment Was also Where I would fucking come down off cocaine And think about all the shit That I didn't have going on And think about all the shit I wanted

But somewhere in my life I thought it would never fucking happen So I've been thinking about that apartment lately And all the doubts that I had there And I say it all the time I'll never forget Writing my goals down With that apartment

And just breaking down and crying I would cry in that apartment Three, four nights a week Like a fucking, like a fucking kid Because I never thought That I would put this shit together And at that time I wanted it so bad I wanted it more

And I wasn't talking about success I just wanted to be good at stand-up That was where That's where I did My mindset was very good I just wanted to be funny I didn't want to be on TV I didn't want to be on movies

I didn't think about my future I didn't think about HBO specials I thought about nothing But the Just wanting to be funny What is the fucking equation To becoming funny Oh, getting on stage as much as you can

Sacrificing Whatever the fuck you think is important To get funny Sacrificing Jobs and women and kids And Different things that normal people would not do For this dream

That's What I'm happy about this week I think about that fucking apartment And I think about getting on a plane And going back then feeling And what it feels like today If it's still even there They probably turned it into somewhere

Ripped the walls down But just that corner When I heard about Joe Rogan and Steven Tyler And they talk about the comedy storm Being at that studio When they went for music And where Leonard Skinner and Little Richard

And the Almond Brothers played I thought about that apartment And I thought about What it had seen out of me I was there for two years And it was a good me and a bad me Like it was a bad me Addiction to drugs

Doing coke when they blew up that fucking thing In Oklahoma City Like I was there I was in there with the Brad Stavideans I was there when fucking In that apartment where Kurt Cobain shot himself I was also there when it fell on Black Days The Soundgarden Super Unknown came out

I was in that apartment For some good and some bad things I had a lot of pain in that apartment Come up, I had a lot of anger issues When my ex-wife came up You know, that's the apartment Where it was 95 So I was born in 63

So I was 32 fucking years old You know what I felt like? Paying 400 a month rent at 32 fucking years old In a dirty fucking apartment Like a little stingy apartment I felt like I had no life Like there was no life There was no air condition in that apartment

There was nothing like that There was no sleep at the machine There was a bench, a couch And a bed that took up the whole fucking room And you expected to be further along? No, I didn't expect At that time I was doing comedy for years I knew that it was going to take time

I just meant your life At this point? You didn't expect that to be your situation when you turned 32 No, not at all I just wanted it to go away like a bad dream I knew that if I could stay with comedy Till I was about 37 or 38 That something might happen

And I was right I didn't have no... I had no nothing about nothing I could be honest with you and the church family And say there was no movies I wasn't doing it for none of that shit I was doing it to just be Fucking funny

That's a big thing That's all that was on my mind I didn't think of headshots I didn't think of nothing I played it along the way I didn't get headshots till 96 in Seattle And what year was that? 96 in Seattle

What year of comedy? Five years Five fucking years I'm in a weird position Because I hear I try to follow your advice I'm not perfect But I try to follow what you tell me

And then I hear People at my level talking Saying things that I've heard you say Is the wrong thing to do But I don't really speak up Because They've been doing comedy longer than me So I don't really feel like it's my place

To speak up What you say I don't go to the store I don't do a lot of the things I try to You're very good You're right It's like being poor with rich friends

And I almost Can't tell my other poor friends The ways to make money I'm very lucky Because I see the path That I want to take The other thing that you've shown me Is

Comics who Maybe got stuck In year 8, but they're in year 15 But they didn't progress Past a certain point Because they were doing this or that And it's Even though it's very intimidating for me to think

Like you were saying at the beginning of the podcast To be doing it 10 years It's I think it's like I have a map Where I feel like a lot of other people Don't have anything My map has pieces missing But at least I have something

Where some people are just starting out With a blank piece of paper They don't have any sort of guidance It's uh I Respect you for what you're doing And I have to forget sometimes That you know what man

He's starting out To do what he's supposed to be doing You know Which is just getting on stage and finding out who he is I can't do that for you I can't do that for you That's something that You have to do

And I love it when comics come up to me And they go I've been doing comedy for 5 years And I let them talk Because that was me I thought I was ready also They're not ready I know they're not ready I'm not telling you about how you're feeling this week

And you mentioned not doing stuff Before you're ready Do you think you're ready for tonight? Fuck yeah Fuck yeah At every level At every there's no doubt I've earned it

I've written it I've worked the road I've done everything to make sure That when tonight came It would be a success So All I could do is leave my heart up on the stage For 30 minutes

That's basically it That's it Thank you brother We'll be back fucking Wednesday Ready to go Listen I want to thank you people for following us The last couple of years Without you guys checking us

We wouldn't have gotten so far So I want to thank the church family I want to thank Scott Cunningham And you've all been part of it So let's see what happens Let's continue this fucking journey We'll learn something tonight And we'll keep this fucking boat a sail

I'm happy that you guys have Stayed on the ship And I'm happy that you're about to see this That this is all about hard work guys Nothing nobody could help you You could get a light shine on you from time to time And then you have to fucking navigate the ship You know it's like

I was talking about the beginning of LeBron James The destiny man And you know what And he's good at it and he works hard He spends money in himself He's always had the same work ethic Even when he didn't have the $1.5 million Or he wouldn't be where he'd be today

Even when he didn't have the $1.5 million He took care of himself In other ways that we didn't That's something I didn't do for years That's something to learn from No matter what occupation you choose You have to take care of yourself I didn't take care of myself

And this is why today I'm so Fucking on it From drinking compucha juice To fucking getting sun To sleeping To drinking tons of water To eating fish, to eating a little bit of meat To eating vegetables, to eating fruit

At all Fucking goes into the same fucking hole But you just knowing that You're putting the work in Always helps you along the line So, yeah, I'm ready I'm fucking ready We'll see you guys Wednesday night

Don't forget the 16th of June I'm at Calusa Casino, that's it It's a slow month It's the 12th and 13th of July I'm in Las Vegas at the South Point And the 25th and 26th I'm with the wise guys in Utah It's a slow month, it's my Burbank tour

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We'll do eat some fucking pizza The whole fucking thing June 9th, I don't know what time it starts But we'll be here And then June 16th I'll see you at the Calusa Casino Guys, thank you for all the support Thank you, Lee, for all the support

Can't wait to see the boys tonight Danny Brown, Georgie Steve Simone is here Kate Quigley, we're gonna have a great time Thank you guys, we'll see you Wednesday Have a great fucking day Stay black, love you Music

Feeling like we're ready to kick tonight Oh, hesitation might as well get Looking for the mentions that are starting to ride Charging, pain-paste It's not the best on hundreds, let it prove Make it sound, love I have got Ready to help the room You better buy a shower before long time

Or kill your way like dynamite Deliverin' the guts Deliverin' the guts Shake it down Rockin' boys Crack down the wind-struck meal Pulse-ray Airways

Battle livin' now and waitin' for dinner Feelin' your hearts All across the land Hot blood, doin' good We're gonna load it without rain You better buy a shower before long time Or kill your way like dynamite Deliverin' the guts

Shake it down Deliverin' the guts Deliverin' the guts Deliverin' the guts Deliverin' the guts Deliverin' the guts Deliverin' the guts Don't know the punches we aim

But the crunch is loud Two more steps, two more honey You can look, it's already held enough And all that yell, we're gonna kill it again and again We're patient to the submission Smoking my heart is worth a surrender You've got to learn to listen Cause there ain't nobody here in the world

I'll touch you Till I've seen enough gold in my hands I'll shoot it off, for the love Give it more than ever before, I'm gonna take it Move in with your hands Fresh down the floor Begin with the mercy You can look, it's already held enough

You better buy a shower before long time Or kill your way like dynamite Deliverin' the guts Deliverin' the guts Deliverin' the guts Deliverin' the guts