Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #594 - Eddie Bravo

Episode Date: June 18, 2018

Eddie Bravo, founder of 10th Planet Jiu Jitsu the Eddie Bravo Invitational, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio.    This podcast is brought to you by:   FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 06/17/2018.


Greetings from podcastville the church of what's happened now is brought to you by Fuji sports calm Listen for your geez your match your shin guards your mouth pieces your fucking movie tie gloves There's only one stop and that's fucking Fuji sports calm all my geez a Fuji. That's all I fucking live in Fuji I'm a fat fuck what happens is I get in your guard your tongue your tongue your tongue on my neck Like I'm about to commit suicide like I'm Anthony Bordain But you never get me because I got a Fuji gear It's tough as you can hang on my fucking gi like a fucking gorilla and you won't rip that motherfucker That's why I only run with Fuji sports. So do yourself a favor

You're looking for a gi a fat man gi a five a six Fuji sports is your answer for go to fuji sports calm right now and press in church And get 10% off to live it right to your motherfucking crib. That's how we do it help out the podcast Number two on it's got a new thing. It's called on at six It's a six weeks transforminal transformational exercise program. You're going on it. You'll log in I think it's 49 dollars for six weeks. You work out with Arbery I think one of his buddies for an hour every day in the privacy of your own home Fucking phenomenal. Give it a shot. Like I'm saying if it's either that or the supplements

On it's always there for you whether it's the alpha brain or the shroom tech or the fucking protein powders Whatever you need they got you covered go to on it.com right now and press in church. Bam And get 10% off delivered to your motherfucking crib. Let me tell you something the future is here I've been telling you cucksuckers for years at the futures here They got here. You people that want roller skates that fly in the air. That's great You know what I got? I got breeze. I got breezed a thousand milligram breath mints. Listen to this. Listen, listen That's a breath spray right there cucksuckers 10 fucking shots of fucking spray. That's the future You understand me when you go to your little weed store. Tell him uncle Joey says I want the breeze spray

Where the fuck is the breeze spray and the breeze mints? That's what you need Kick this fucking meal. Lee. It's Monday morning We're going old school old school fucking opening for you today It's the church happy belated father's day I don't even know what the date is. It don't fucking matter. It's the 18th of fucking june Slinging dick and giving out chopsticks It's monday motherfucker. You got to justify your fucking existence

And if you're gonna justify it, you got to grab your balls and salute the flag. Fuck the koreans. Fuck the cube. Fuck everybody It's monday. It's monday, bitch It's a beautiful day to be alive Oh Shit That sounds like making love my shit Here we go Got a new story for

Space and time making love Oh what a time we had What? Eddie Bravo the Christ killer uncle Joey It's monday motherfuckers. Here we go It's time to roll That's fucking Sammy Hagar Hey, there's a this is Sammy Hagar with Ronnie Montrose like 19 fucking 70 something

Hey, Lee, can you play uh making love by kiss just 15 seconds 15 seconds? It sounds just like this watch making love kiss I don't know which one came out first, but it's basically here you go There's oh Jesus christ. There you go. That's making love right there. We're opening up fucking farthest day strong The man just the man just keep it up keep it up Hey A rock and roll over yeah And and kiss alive too. This is tremendous and double plant Yeah, I don't know what year that came out that year. Uh, Ronnie Montrose who the fuck knows what's going on

Space station. What year did that come out space station number five because making love came out in 76 77 Yeah, so maybe montrose lifted it It's a it's a very basic riff. There's a there's actually five million songs like that like this. Yeah, no There's another song that sounds like this too by michael shankler There's another song by rush that sounds a little like this. It's weird if you blackout by by scorpions Similar to that too. Yeah the beginning of blackout. You're right Uh

Blackout was such a fucking huge album if people remember that song crushed me Yeah, I actually didn't want to like scorpions because when you're a kid um You kind of attach yourself to a band like a like a football team like the the album that you bought like if I bought a I bought a kiss record. None of my other friends are gonna buy kiss records They're just gonna borrow mine and tape it right and then if my my buddy buys rush I'm not gonna buy rush. No, that's his band. I'm gonna tape that shit, right? But whoever owns the master like the album that's like their band, you know what I mean?

So I didn't want to like scorpions because eric bought scorpions I had he bought scorpions first. I was gonna fuck with scorpions just borrow shit when I borrow blackout And I put fucking the song blackout on fuck That that song Destroyed me. I played on my stepdad's Fisher stereo when he was in work I wasn't allowed to play my records on uh his stereo, but when he's at work

Because he had um two speakers. I had one speaker in my room. I didn't even know what stereo was So I thought I would listen to kiss records, but only hear one guitar I I didn't understand stare. I didn't know there was more music coming out of the other speaker So when I'd play my kiss records on my dad's stereo my stepdad stereo when he was at work I was like, what the fuck there's new parts in this shit. I heard like other guitar parts What the fuck is going on? He's got like a magical stereo didn't get it. I was like seven Anyways Tremendous, I love all this shit

But blackout fucked me up blackout was the song man I was like, fuck. I don't really want to like them that scorpions that much, but shit. You can't deny They got a couple good songs in the album. That's yeah on the other side. They got one of my favorite songs. They've ever done That was in the wrestler strippers dance to it a lot. It's a stripper song uh I don't fucking know It's just one of those jazz scorpions are a weird band because

I got into them I got into like What my favorite scorpion that was this animal magnetism When the chick's about to blow the dog Or something like that. She's even now next to a fucking doberman pinch or something like that They had a couple good songs. They had a lot of good songs, but I was trying to resist them I mean, I I didn't like uh the guy's vocals. I didn't like the me neither I'm not crazy about it. I didn't like the fact that you can hear his accent in the music

You know what I mean? I for some reason as a kid It was hard for me to accept like you can tell like, you know live you would go You know, he sounded like he was asian You know it was it was no the Hitler concept was yeah, and he was four foot eight and he had he had You didn't have good hair. I just judged too much on appearance. You have the guitar players were fucking phenomenal all of Rudolph Schenker Rudolph Schenker Michael and uh, there's a funny video. I'm fucking Michael Just torturing Rudolph that he covered the band. He carried the band. He's a fucking bum tremendous shit

Thank you for coming to disneyland here. Oh, are you kidding? That was awesome. That was surreal because I wanted we were gonna go to lego land first And my wife called me back. She goes bro. It's two hours. She's gonna puke 18 times. Yeah Why don't we just pull the fucking trigger and go to disneyland? And I was like, let's do it. So look up, you know, whatever when she came back and she goes, I only want to tell you Well, let's go and uh, my wife called you a wife and I'm happy that The kids had a great time. Well the thing that was special about this is uh

We didn't have to wait in any goddamn lines, man. You got that. You got that Jennifer Lopez ticket, you know I can't go back to disneyland any other way. No, I can't do it. I got used to it. I got spoiled Being able having a guide walk you to any ride you want because that fast pass shit that should don't work You buy fast passing you check the app and like nothing's available. That's some bullshit. That's a ripoff And well, I don't want to say a ripoff. I don't want to say bullshit. I'm just it's not what I expected I take that back. I don't want to get sick. I take that back. What the fuck happened the other day You didn't I haven't talked to you really about it We get up, you know, whatever we all meet at nine. We're gonna get the tour guide or whatever

I think we got high right. Did we get high upstairs? No, I didn't Edible in my pocket. I had a fucking tushy A tk or edible in my pocket And I don't like it's disneyland. What what, you know, what's the big fucking deal? So as I walk in they got metal detectors and me being the asshole that I am I took that tushy out of my pocket. Oh, no, none of the ten. I leave that shit in my pocket It's not gonna ring and if it does ring well

Then you go it's this breath mint or whatever and they look at and they let you go. Yeah I took it out of my pocket and this chick's like Oh, you can't go in with that. You have to bring that back to your room They okay, no problem. I don't honey and you're right there and draco's right there my wife my daughter right there And I go Let me go back to the room and put this now my idea wasn't I wasn't gonna go back to the room I was gonna go to the hallway in the hotel either piece And come back and that's exactly I did I went to the hallway

And I ate a piece and I threw the other piece away. I ate a hundred milligrams. That's all I needed I didn't want fucking a ton of anxiety in this I just wanted something to get me in the park and get me wiggling. You know what I am like just to get me wiggling I fucking eat it. I walked back up. I go up to the girl and she goes we had somebody follow you You didn't go. Oh my god. Yeah, it was the creepiest thing ever that you want to piss me off You want to piss me off? pull some police shit on me or fucking Question me or fucking tell me what to do like that shit drives me crazy

All that shit drives me crazy and when you pull that police that amateur police shit on me That really pisses me the fuck off You you really want to piss me off pull that amateur shit on me like So she starts telling me that I didn't throw it away and uh, and I might listen I threw it away and I go listen. Let's cut this shit If you don't want me in here since you threw him out because I got pissed I go since you put fucking the inspector on me. Let's go. I don't expect we spent a lot of money for this We don't need this shit. I'll cancel it right now

And she's like, well, I didn't say that I go no, that's what you're saying I go number two. I go, you know what between you and I you don't get paid enough You don't get paid enough to give a fuck about this shit This is an easy job that you're just creating heat for yourself And I would never say that to somebody, but I'm sick and fucking tired. I'm 55 I hate that fucking amateur cop shit. I always have you're an amateur cop They're giving eight bucks on how to be a security guard. That's what you are Take it for granted. You're not going to stop no criminals. You're getting eight bucks an hour

Why are you getting so he-hove about this fucking job? You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, you ever watch the town when they're going to rob that bank And Ben Affleck keeps telling him I don't like that guy. He buckles his boots up too high He's a fucking security guard. He's getting six bucks an hour. He thinks he's fucking Rambo. There's those guys out there I know people who do that job will tell you rob me. I don't give a fuck. I'm not pulling out my gun for 18 bucks an hour though I'm not pulling it out. I know motherfuckers that have come to me over the years and go dog I'm guarding a million bucks on a Tuesday night for fucking 16 an hour Come hit me in the head with a stick and take that money with tango rollers

But if you really fucking believe that they give a fuck about you and they really don't give a fuck about you I mean that night I went home and on tv. There was a thing about Disney. They're not even getting 15 bucks an hour So this chick is busting my fucking balls about an edible. It's not her park. Who gives a freedom saying like What is wrong with fucking people? And you want me to tell you what really pissed me off? That I'd love to call her a white fuck, but she was mexican That's what really pissed me off. She was mexican trying to act like fucking mildred knock it off You're not fucking what's those cops on tv when we were kids on cbs the two wives chips

No, that's the two mexicans with the fucking guy on the motorcycle That shit pisses me off, but Regardless of that the security guard came out. They go. We're gonna call our boss the boss came out And the boss asked what happened. I got a fucked up knee and I brought that with me. She told me I don't need somebody following me back The lady goes her name is mark or something and the guy's name is whatever. Do you want to press formal charges? And I go no I just want to fucking be left alone and she put out her hand

You saw me and I shook her hand and I left wow that was how fast that went We didn't do nothing But let me tell you something. I'm not gonna argue with that little chubby mexican chick Because let me tell you something those fucking edibles are not good on the ride. Oh my god I got a lot of videotape. Oh, I know you do up here with my eyes closed out of all of them People were telling me you you should make that a show go to all these amusement amusement parks like uh Chrysler used to do and just videotape joey on uh roller coasters But for this show you even have to make them wait in the line a little bit

It's fine Just to get fired up when you smoke when you smoke weed and get on a roller coaster is one thing When you do that when you get on a roller coaster, you start thinking about all the fucking roller coaster accidents Every time you hit and you go up you're like i'm flying off this fucking building. That's what i'm scared about Like when we went down stone when we went down the last one. What was it? The heavy duty one at the end when you it's all black and shit. Oh, uh, spaceman spaceman. We're not spaceman I was worried about my daughter If she falls out of that thing, you'll never see her again. It's the fucking that's why it's black

And let me people falling out of there and make kids How many people have gotten to the bottom? Where's my kid? And all of a sudden they get them and they hold them and they risk you away in a car and your kids never seen again That's where they fucking take your kids in disneyland That's you got to watch your fucking kids. That's who steals your kids That's a perfect place to be a fucking pedophile In disneyland a white van pulls up Disney world just got busted for what they arrested some employees that um

We're up to no good. You didn't hear about that all over the internet I don't know the details though. I mean, I don't give a fuck. See that's why when I go to those places You gotta definitely watch the kid, but the whole thing I got out of this Thursday That was funny Daddy, we're fucking dead I knew you and you were a single guy and you knew me when I was a single guy Yeah, and now we're like these fucking dead. Did you ever think this day was gonna happen? Never never

Did you think you were gonna enjoy it as much as you do? I didn't I was actually scared that I'd be like my father. I thought what if it's hereditary. What if I have a kid. I don't give a fuck. I was really worried about that and then um I got a bunny Nice. I fucking fell in love with this bunny, man And I treated it like it was my son. It was crazy and when it died it fucking crushed me, man It crushed me. Do you remember good time? Do you ever watch good times the tv show the good? Yeah

Like after like three or four seasons they had to kill the father off uh, john emus killed him off and It was the season finale when florida was on the phone and and she gets the call that he's dead and this out of the season and she goes Damn Damn That's exactly how what I did when my wife called me to tell me the bunny died. I was on the phone. I was like Damn screaming I was screaming now

And at that point I thought you know what I I need to have kids. I'm 40. It's time to do this You know what I mean? I'm it's getting too late. I partied enough. I went out Was single for you know 10 years straight I got that out. I'm not I don't miss that at all. You know, I mean if you have a kid in your early 20s It's gonna be in your head that fuck maybe I did this too soon and should I could be out partying losing my life And all that shit when you have a kid when you're 42 That shit's gone. Like I'm I don't miss that shit at all

I've done it all. I don't need it. I know what it I know what it's like You don't miss ufc's or going to nothing if I never went I never went to ufc ever again I wouldn't give a shit. I've been so crazy. It's so crazy. I've been to do some guy came up to me at the airport Hey, when is your next ufc? I go bro I haven't gone. I'd rather watch that shit in my bed on my phone. I can't go. I'm scared half the time to even go anymore Like I don't go. This was the time I go now. I said shows up and shit Shoot motherfuckers in the ufc. I don't need that shit, dog Fuck that. I made my mind up a long time ago. Yeah, ufc gets ufc. It gets nutty. I mean like joe

I mean, he's he's like john lennon. Shit. He's got to hide from every other way these stops to take one picture There's he's gonna be swarmed. It's gonna he's gonna be caught up for an hour You know taking pictures, you know, because joe doesn't like to turn down pictures and you know, it's um It's it's crazy. He you got to hide there It is it's a fucking nutcase, man I don't know how he does it. I've been to every single ufc between 2003 and 2010 That was my my stint. I've been

I I've had enough It's the greatest show ever invented. I still watch them But I don't give a shit about going to see it live anymore unless i'm cornering like tony or something then then it's fun But I'd rather watch it on my phone We're not doing the seventh by the way. I'm doing the ice house. Okay It was just funny watching you and it was funny like for a while. I was high and I was Sitting next to young rides going Jesus Christ. Who would have saw this coming? Like I

I love being a dad. Eddie. I could have been a dad at 20 I thought it would have calmed me down. I thought it would have given me a purpose. You know what I'm saying? Yeah I ended up having that kid when I was fucking 27 and now I don't talk to that child at all So I felt really guilty When I knocked up terry because I like you I go, what if this doesn't work out? Yeah, I'm gonna have two kids out there in the real world and I'm not a bad dad. I know I know that this is not This is not what I wanted with Jackie, but this is the way the cards play. There's nothing you could do about it

This is the way the hand played out I gave up a life to get a life. Do you know what I'm saying? Like I'm at peace with it now because I left there But I got something I became a comedian. I became a human being I pay my taxes. I go to bed early I don't do drugs anymore. I became a human being so I made some of my life. I didn't do it to end up in jail Like they thought I would do you know what I'm saying? So now I have that regret but at the same time I'm doing the best I could with mercy

Yeah, you know and it shows it reflects the house is happy. I didn't grow up in a happy house neither did you I don't like I could I could see it in a happy house for a mile away. You know what I'm saying? My house is very happy now, but I had to work hard to make that house get happy Like you have to work hard at it. Yeah, you have to have a degree of of so much Input like all this stuff, you know when I'm in I Love going on the road and I'd love doing comedy, but guess what? I love my family more. Absolutely. Absolutely And I understand the need to make a living

And that's what I basically do. I make a living. I don't try to kill myself and drive a Mercedes Benz and get a fucking rocket I get a two million dollar house. I don't need that. That's just too much. That would be stress on me It's like I was telling you guys early. I finally realized What happened with the Netflix thing in Vegas? I started caring at it I've always never fucking given a fuck. All of a sudden now I give a fuck about the audience You can't give a fuck. You have to do what you do and let the audience jump on your channel. Do you know what I'm saying? You can't change what you do because the audience so I went into it thinking a little differently and now from now on saturday

I thought about I went on stage in Sacramento. If you came to the Colusa casino, thank you very much. We had a great time I want to thank my man Sergio for coming out a bunch of people came out from the podcast, but It was one of my best sets to last too much Because I didn't give a fuck I have two hours of material. Do you know, I couldn't do 25 for Netflix two weeks ago 25 I thought it was like fucking pulling teeth Pulling teeth. I couldn't do fucking I got two hours of material

Yeah That how crazy is that way? Pulling teeth couldn't come up with 25 one Saturday. It was 26 minutes 27 years of doing comedy. I couldn't come up with 20 30 minutes of material Someone asked me recently in an interview if I could change anything in my life What would I do and I wouldn't change a fucking thing because if anything would would have been altered I may have not had my son and I can't even imagine that so I don't have any regrets I did a lot of fucked up shit growing up and made a lot of poor decisions, but they all led to

my son and I wouldn't change anything. Listen in this life All we have to do is a couple of things, right? If you really think about it You have like five big decisions to make Everything else they could be fucking slippery decisions But those five main ones you got to be on point for That's it

That's it. It's five decisions getting into comedy Not snorting coke anymore. Yeah, look at us after all the crazy shit and how we're brought up and all the crazy shit We're at Disneyland with our wives and our children Acting like some white people And two white wives to boot exactly two white wives to boot like You got white children. It's uh

It's fucking surreal what i'm living right now when i'm saying Like you know one minute you're at home. You got a family in the next minute. You see like fucking Kim Kardashian at the white house Like it's so fucking surreal like everything around us anymore. You know you have to take But I take what's at the house I take what I could control that I try to control and that's it. I'm good with that shit You know what I'm saying? Like I'm really good with that everything else Is gonna happen. You can't control that shit. You don't know that at 29 and 30

You finally realize that at 45 46 Can't control everything you control a couple things you control when you pee When you shit Yeah, you know when you go to the bank you control a couple things if you get it like the see room That's the only thing you can control can't control anything else. It's so fucking crazy I'm not the smartest person alive right now, but man at 30 thinking about thinking about where I was at mentally I was dumb as shit I didn't know fucking anything. I was so off on so much

So much man. I was um, I was brainwashed By mtv man and now looking I'm just realizing this over the last couple years. Like holy shit I was completely programmed by mtv And and music, you know, I I was chasing the mansion with all the girls and the Ferraris and all that shit my whole life. I was chasing that. I thought okay. I'm gonna make I'm gonna do it You got to have Motivation enthusiasm. You got to keep going. You got to have good work ethic. You got to keep working

You got to move to hollywood Make the music be around all the record labels going to get signed Gonna blow up gonna sell out arenas. It's gonna, you know, that was I 100 percent believe that was gonna happen You know most of my life And now you're looking back and like fuck You know me. I'm a crazy motherfucker. I believe everything's a conspiracy there. I believe Everything is a conspiracy and uh, so I'm crazy. So um, you know, what I think now is like I used to think

that You know with the pmrc remember the pmrc They're they're like a group of old white ladies that are trying to suppress music and try to put Warning labels on albums. I used to think as a kid that The white people the elite at the very top Wanted to keep us from doing

Bad things wanted to keep us from Exploiting our vices. I really thought that were and you know, I'm a kid. I'm like fuck. I'll listen to any music I want I'll listen to Slayer and Metallica. They're trying to tell me not to listen to it. You know, this is bullshit Don't worry about what you know what we listen to. Why are you so concerned with it? I really thought that that was the plan that we're trying to keep us good and trying to keep the family tight But now it's crazy as I am. I totally I think it's the opposite. I think They're pretending that we're trying to keep a tight family unit I think now they're doing everything they can all these operations going on to break to divide us

Break up the family in any way possible and and as many ways as possible I think at the very at the highest level When they're when you look at privatized prisons You look at hip-hop and then you look at privatized prisons even like metal Look what they're doing to the kids. They're making the kids really Look up to people promoting violence and remember I'm a kid. I'm growing up. I'm I hated the pmrc. I hated the the labels, but it was to me. It was a trick. They're pretending they care Just like think about this. They were pretending. They were fighting the war on drugs, right?

They were pretending they were bringing the drugs in They were bringing the drugs in and they're all like dare to keep kids off drugs a war on drugs All this money came in tax money to fight the war on drugs. They're bringing it in They're bringing it in and there's a now they're war on terrorism. There's all there's a there's a fucking war on terrorism They're funding it and creating it Fuck same thing with music. It looks like they're trying to fight it and hide it You know or or keep it at bay. Mm-hmm. They like that shit. They want fucked up families They're trying to split up the families. They want that shit. They want they want us corruptible

But they want to be able to corrupt us everyone that you know They can corrupt anybody. They could blackmail anybody. They like that shit. That's how crazy I am They want us to listen to this bullshit ass music. They want that shit They never try to stop slayer slayer was I was a huge slayer fan They weren't trying to stop slayer ever and I wondered they were trying to stop accused on 2020. They had a um a show trying to stop Satanism in Music and they had like twisted sister and like Judas Priest and all these bands and I'm 15 thinking you guys got your way off

How come you're not going after king diamond? How come you're not going after creator and destruction and slayer? Those guys are literally talking about satan Killing babies and dragging their souls the hell. That's what their albums are about every how they're not trying to hide that shit How come you're not going after them? They never nobody ever touched them. They were going after like the straw man Like twisted sister. Come on. Those guys have nothing to do with satan But anyway, so at 15, that's when I started to distrust like that was abc 2020 and they got it all wrong Who's doing the research? I'm 15 going win him. You guys have it all wrong. So at that point I began to distrust

What the hell was going on in the media? So um Now like again, I'm a crazy motherfucker man. I believe in the craziest shit I believe that I believe trends and in all of them not just hip hip hop is the most obvious one That's the most obvious. You look at hip hop today. Takashi six nine. You look at that shit what they're promoting They're promoting they want the he's always in his instagram He always has stacks of cash and he's always like making it rain in every instagram video He's just throwing cash around talking all sorts of shit the baddest cars talking shit on his watches Like that's the biggest thing going around right now and they're pushing the shit out of that. They ain't stopping that

They ain't it's not like the music's that good. He's he's all right But they're pushing to watch this shit. Yes. I ain't got time to watch Instagram you're not on instagram. I won't even watch that shit if you paid me. Yeah, it's fascinating I wouldn't even know it's not fascinating to me it is Fucking you got to be crazy to watch that shit Especially after you said it that you were young and that's what you thought I was the same. I'm not watching it On liking it. I'm watching it in disgust when I was 20 I wanted to be Pablo Escobar

There was no way I was having a day job. I wasn't getting no fucking day job My plan was to get somebody to rob him to get 200,000 cash. You were influenced by the media and scar face No, no, no, I was influenced by my childhood. There was no scar by the time scar face came. I was already robbing bitches So get that together. That was 83 By 83 No, but no, no, no, no, I was never influenced By nothing like that. I was influenced by my childhood The people I was around when I was a childhood

There Aerosmith did heroin, right? Yeah. Yeah, and and what year was their first album? Uh 69 70 71. How old are you in 69? I was six Okay, I didn't even know about that You may you may you may have been influenced by music. No, no, no, no, no We were talking about this day. I didn't like white music I didn't start listening to white music. Would you look what would you listen to black music spanish music? Okay, I didn't like rock music when I was going to catholic school. I shit Rock music was not on my agenda zeppelin. No

No black side but nothing like that. I was listening to top 40 Elton John. Do you remember your first taste of uh, the harder stuff? Yeah, yeah, what was it zeppelin to someone pulled that pulled it out at a friend's house a party somebody put out zeppelin to You said what the fuck really? No, then I got high and listened to it Then I got so you thought it was kind of interesting the first time I was it was interesting and then you got Zeppelin was interesting Ted Nugent was interesting Uh free for all that album free for all was interesting

Aerosmith rocks was very interesting to me I was still a little off But once you started smoking weed once I started smoking weed at 12 or 13 I would Find the time to get high and listen to those albums How how do you at this point? 13 14 12 15 15 I was into the eagles Ted Zeppelin heavy

You know we're blossoming. I was blossoming but by that time already The criminality in my life I'd started blossoming Early because it was nothing it was nothing You know I was telling somebody that Well, they done giving that terrace where I found my mother on the floor across the street from us was a house And the guy that owned the house rented it out And he rented it every two years and somebody knew it one time he rented it And we were outside playing when the first kids came when the two kids came

They had a boy and a girl and the family unloaded the truck and they got back in the truck when they left I still remember us playing whatever we were playing on the street going Let's go. We broke into the house And we took shit and I took the stereo He had a bad ass fisher stereo with the speakers the blowpunk the whole fuck I don't even know blowpunk they car speakers, but He liked the whole fishing those days fishing was there was this shit that was my step dad's tail And if you had uh, if you had the three and one you it was still solid

But you were a punk in my neighborhood. You had to have components in my neighborhood. Yeah Yeah Salute Those are those chia seeds Why are you starting so much recently because I eat a lot healthier. So I eat a lot of chia seeds and fucking go to berries and shit like that, you know, I'm saying I'm trying to put the pieces together Anyway, so The criminality with me started early

It started early, you know, you could steal you could do whatever And it was accepted You follow me so did I was stealing when I was a kid, right? So it was accepted. Yeah, so once Before my mother died. I had done a couple creepy things Nothing too creepy like bicycle shit like that that I didn't need to do I didn't need to do that punk ass shit, but I liked it I liked it and then after she died It was part of the excuse to become a criminal

So no no all that shit That was the easiest thing in the world was robbing drug dealers. It's the easiest thing in the world I'd tell you the story about robbing the church Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, we you know, you do all this creepy shit It's if you continue to do it like if you continue doing your 40s And 30s I was 12. Yeah when you have a fucking problem and I stole like 14 dollars. Yeah You know like now you have a boy a little boy. What are you gonna tell him?

You know He's gonna come to you one day like already. I feel like a hypocrite in a lot of stages of my life But I'm gonna tell her the truth. Eventually. She's gonna find out the truth eventually. Yeah, she's gonna listen to your old podcast Yeah, I'll please And you'll find in these things as a As a daughter when your dad passes and listening to each of them being hooked on him like you're addicted to a fucking Netflix TV show

Like you binge listen People do that now, right? They get on podcasts. They binge listen Don't listen to all the way back to one to the beginning of the library. You know, it's fucking crazy Man podcasts are huge for for people that work in places where they let them wear headsets You know what I mean? He let them work with uh, I got a post office or something Man, I'll tell you there was a thing in time magazine the 50 podcasts to listen to Time magazine. It was pretty fucking interesting. Did they throw jre in there? No, no No, I didn't get to it. I didn't get to it. It was more about instructional type podcasts and things you could learn and

A thing about english language from a british woman is the most popular podcast lately Just it's just amazing where the growth has gone to you know, it's in time magazine. Yeah Well, I follow time on twitter. Yeah, so whatever twitter puts up from time. That's what I fucking read So lately you've been getting into comedy and we've been talking about getting high before comedy that you're done with that shit Yeah, you know, um, you can't do Something under pressure that you're not that good at high You know for you, I recommend if if you want to inhale some cannabis and do a certain activity

And it matters, you know, like getting on stage matters because if you suck you're gonna eat a lot of dicks So it does matter and there's pressure if you're not really that good at it Hold off on smoking weed Get a set master it be super smooth. And then when you're really really confident Then if you want to get high get high that that's what I'm gonna do. I don't I I got stoned my first eight sets but You know, I had mixed results, but I it's hard to Do

Put pieces together of your comedy when they're not even they're not even tight to begin with and you're trying to time together And then you add a bone rip before you can't do it. So I decided maybe five sets ago to try going on stage Without smoking man, it was it's I've gotten a lot better So I'll come back and throw some weed on on top of it once I get good. But for the meantime Going on stage is, you know, totally straight is the best thing for me right now I had to think about it when you guys were here talking I think the first time I got on stage and tried it Well, the first time I got on stage was july 18th of 91

And then in april St. Patty's Day of 92 I hosted a show With two local comics and then I did some blow and it was god awful and I was like, wait a second Cocaine is the chatty drug That's the one that makes you fucking talk and talk about fucking stories and get all philosophical and shit If I had a bag of dick on that shit, yeah, what am I gonna do on reefer that makes you kind of introverted? Yeah, so I never really fucked with them. Yeah, I didn't fuck with them. I got to the comedy store

And then at the comedy store one night, I smoked some reefer And I went on stage like a prime spot and I just died It was lights out It was lights out Well, do you have to do like a different type of set because at that belly room show we had some of those mints And I didn't do the set I had planned on doing at all But like and I even forgot like I forgot I like I just kind of went on and on in one of the jokes Because I was stone, but it went it went better than some of my other high sets if you just go with it

Now here's the deal. See this this there's a lot of different paths to this story There's a lot of different paths to the story If you're going up in front of an a crowd at an eight time And you really need this set. I suggest you don't fucking get high. Yeah Okay, and that's what I did So I'm the type of guy if I lose at something I come back the next day and I try it again So like that time at the store I came back the next day was like a sunday

Which it didn't matter and I wanted to get high again and try and this time I killed So here's the conclusion guys. You ready for this? Let's say you're doing the spot at the fucking fourth wall Or you're doing the spot somewhere in the valley and don't matter you're trying one particular joke And you're doing longer than five minutes Try smoking some pot because it really doesn't matter It really doesn't matter. So you might as well come up that way try smoking some pot But when you do the serious rooms for money, you're getting paid and you got a door deal and

It depends and you really trying to put a set together then don't get high That's it that makes sense that makes sense. Yeah, are you still going to drink alcohol? Yeah, yeah, you know, you know, I quit drinking for a while. But you know now I gotta have a A drink before I get on stage just to loosen me up just a little bit I don't get hammered and go on stage because that could be a disaster. Just have just one drink loosens me up Maybe a little cup of coffee dog. I've seen people get fucked up on stage And it works for some people

And it doesn't work for some people, but I will tell you one thing You're not gonna be consistent You know what I'm saying? It just you you're smart enough like Uh, 18 year old child will say you don't know what you're talking about Yeah, an adult will say you won't be consistent. There's no way. It's like doing anything. Yeah at 50% Yeah, you can't be drunk. You can't be drunk. Come on. No, no that should I know, I mean, you know So whoever's listening to this don't listen to this the wrong way. I don't take this the wrong way. No, I'm not Uh condoning this at all. It's great everyone. So when you listen me you and fucking Lee

Take a ride to where where do people ski up here? Big bear big bear and they do comedy up there Then we're getting a hundred hours of peace and we eat driving the car and we get like a free meal We get high we get high who gives a fuck. Yeah, we eat smoking joint before we get back in the car We do some comedy. It's a blast. But you're so goddamn seasoned and you're such a veteran You could get you could get a high You got you've been doing this for 20 years When you're first starting

You got to get your shit together for us. You got to get that. What's like me with jujitsu at the same thing When I go to jujitsu, I cannot be high. Hell. No, not when you're starting. I gotta pay attention to every detail I gotta see that call. I gotta see that fucking cross. I gotta see everything. Yeah, I cannot get high And that getting high gives me fear It adds a quality of fear to me. Yeah, it doesn't let me go for things It won't if you mount me a panic. I'll tap my breathing changes. Yeah, my breathing gets shallow Because I'm not, you know, it's a different level. I'm not ready. My tools aren't I'm far from being at that level Be able to get high and fucking

Roll around with something. I'm far far far from that level. So You'll get there comedy is the same It's exact same thing. I compare comedy to jujitsu to an art. It's an art. That's it Doesn't fucking matter how you look at it comedy is a fucking art And you know learn something every time you go on the mat every time you touch that microphone You're gonna learn something. It's the same way every time you touch that mat. You're gonna guarantee learn something Yeah, somebody's gonna come to you and say dog put your foot that way from now on when you do that sweep You're gonna go. Oh, shit

Look at me now. I'm happy. I came to class Yeah, that's the best when you don't want to do something when you're sitting on your couch on the tuesday night. You're like fuck I got a drive up here for fucking 40 bucks in the cheeseburger Yeah, and do a set god damn it. Why did I agree to this shit? I want to sit home and give mama the high hard one and watch fucking my pd blue on fucking whatever next thing Let me go to that gig and guess what there's an agent there Plus you killed Plus the headline in the show up

So you picked up a hundred dollars at the headline it was gonna get you know, and you're like fuck What would have happened if I would have signed the couch tonight? Yeah, nothing Nothing I would have got my dick sucked and I would have had the same result. Look, I went to that shitty room I ain't gonna pick on a buck 40 up Plus I picked up an agent plus I picked up another gig because the mc books a fucking night and fucking uh San Fernando Valley, I mean that's what happened the same thing happened to jujitsu There's night. You don't want to go to jujitsu these days. I'm like fuck

I gotta do this and then go to jujitsu and you go to jujitsu and it's you and him or You and the purple mountain he teaches you shit. He beats the fuck out of you. That's the best class you've had in a long fucking time Yeah Same thing. What's up eb? That little breathman hits you a little bit, didn't it? Oh, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, you can see in your fucking eyeballs I'm not sure if it was that or the bomb. I'm feeling the same way. It's time for breeze I don't have one of those. Yeah, take one to go take two There you go, what the fuck will you ready? I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm a breeze down

Yeah, fuck How do you I mean Are you a love economy right now? I love it man, I love it, especially when it goes good like the the show in Frisco We did a belly room show before Frisco. That's the first show I did not hide and that was the best show up to that point. So I thought, okay, cool, me and Sam are gonna go up to Frisco and then Sacramento. I was gonna do the same thing,

no weed the whole day, nothing went on stage. And at Cobbs in San Francisco, it was better than the set at the belly room. Then, you know, we went to Sacramento. And Sacramento was special because I tell people when they ask me about comedy, like what's the, what's the, you know, like what do you like about it? And I tell them, I love working in front of Latin crowds.

I love that. Cause then you could just talk about your experiences growing up as a Mexican, you know? And when I did, when I opened for you, I think four different times, you bring in all the Mexicans. I love working in Mexican rooms. I love it.

I feel really comfortable. And I also love working in front of the tinfoil hat comedy night people where everybody's like, you know, on the same page. Those are my two favorite crowds. I love it. I have, it's so much goddamn fun. Because at Jiu Jitsu,

well, when I first did comedy back in 2001, before 10th Planet, before 10th Planet, I went up and I did open mic nights at the comedy store, like maybe 10 times or something like that. Or like mixed results. But I knew, cause I was already a brown belt in Jiu Jitsu. I knew that comedy was just like Jiu Jitsu. I'm like, damn, you can't just go up there

and just talk shit like you can in the locker room at school. You have to have work ethic and write and practice and go out three, four nights a week, just like Jiu Jitsu. I knew I'm like, damn, I could do this, but I'd have to have a, cause I didn't have any public speaking experience other than DJing at a strip club. And that's not real, but like real public speaking experience.

I didn't have any of that. So I was, I knew I was gonna, I needed a lot of work. So then, you know, I was writing with Joe. We had all these sketches. We wanted to pitch a sketch comedy show back then. And then he ended up getting signed by Comedy Central to do the man show after Adam Corolla and Jimmy Kimmel left. Him and Doug Stanhope came in and did the comedy,

did the man show. And I came in as Joe, one of Joe's writers, cause we were already writing a bunch of sketches. We had like 30 sketches ready to go. We were trying to do like a Dave Chappelle type show. And I, music has always been number one to me. So comedy was just like something that I was, that I loved, but music was always number one.

So I decided at that point, you know what? I don't have time to put into stand-up comedy and there's too much work, but I'll help Joe write some sketches. I go, that was cool. So working at Comedy Central sucked. I hated it so much. It was, it's a lot.

That's an hour story. It was terrible. So during work, as I was working on the man show, I went to Brazil and did Abu Dhabi 2003. I beat Hoyla Gracie, who at that point was, you know, the God of the featherweight division. Nobody even scored a point against him. He won three years in a row.

I tapped him out, it was in Brazil. It was a, you know, the biggest upset in Jiu-Jitsu history at that point. And then I came back, I said, fuck comedy. I'm only just going to teach Jiu-Jitsu, you know, until my music blows up. That's what I thought, you know? Cause it was always about the music.

So I walked, I called Joe, I'm like, thank you for fucking fighting for me and getting me the job. But, you know, I don't want to work there. I'm done with that shit. I've seen Hollywood and I'm like, I don't want nothing to do with Hollywood. Even today, don't want to do, that's bullshit. It was, it was a horrible experience.

So I opened up 10th planet, but I never stopped writing. I would always write and I would always have the habit of, you know, if I come up with an idea, I'd write and I have so many notes. And I thought maybe in a couple of years, I'll go back and try some standup again. And then it was five years and it was seven years and it was eight years.

And then it was 10 years and then it was like 15 years and I still hadn't gone back, but I had all these ideas. So then I just decided, you know, last year, I thought maybe teaching jujitsu was enough public speaking experience. Cause I'd always try to do standup as I teach, you know? I do seminars. I never start a seminar with, you know,

right away and get into techniques. I always like bullshit for about five minutes. And then sometimes some standup comes up, you know what I mean? I was, I was wondering if that would translate. Was 15 years of that, would I be able to get up on stage at the comedy store and be better than I was back then when I was doing open mics and I totally sucked.

So that was always in the back of my mind. So I decided to do it. I told Sam, I knew Sam before 10 planet. I knew Sam back in the day when I met you before 10 planet. I knew you before 10 planet wasn't even a thought. So he, you know, he was doing comedy cast and we were all into conspiracy theories together. So he put me up on a Tuesday night

and it was the first time in 15 fucking years. So I went up there and out of all the first 10 sets, that was actually the best one. Cause right when I got up there, I had the mic. And I'm like, whoa. Cause my students, when I at school, when I start to tell a story, a lot of them are like, coach, let's fucking start.

It's nine, 10. I'm bombing every night in Jiu-Jitsu. I bomb, they don't want to hear my shit. They want to do Jiu-Jitsu. And I try to tell a story. And I got to censor myself cause I don't want to be too crazy. And they're only, I'm bombing every night.

I don't have a mic. So when I got on stage at the comedy store, like the first five seconds, I'm like, I have a mic. This is just like a seminar. And they're drunk. They don't want to do Jiu-Jitsu and they want to laugh. To me, I felt right away like, oh shit, this is easy. I got a fucking mic.

I'm used to doing this shit without a mic. Like fucks, like steroids and shit. The microphone is a different control later. Yeah, I was like, it's a different controller. People do not understand. That's why people say that you will do some time at the club, go up on stage and do eight minutes and you're like, I don't have a microphone.

You don't need a microphone. Shut the fuck up. You fucking do need one. Shut the fuck up. The microphone is the tool of tools. If there's a microphone on stage and you go up there and start on the microphone for three minutes, but then you want to walk away

from the stage, that's one thing. That's one thing, walking away from the mic and talking to the audience. That might be funny sometimes, but to go up there and nude without a microphone, you lose your shield. It's really your shield. It's the power.

So your sword is your brain and your arm and everything, but this microphone, when you grab it, it's your shield. It centers you, even if you don't need it. You don't need it. You don't need it. You're as tough as nails, but it centers you. It balances you, you know what I'm saying? It's kind of weird not to have a microphone

and then to have a microphone. Yeah, so teach you. Now you learned that in jujitsu. I learned that motherfucking on stage at a place in Craig, Colorado. No mic? No mic. And it says when you get the paperwork,

it would say this is a violent room. It should erupts, run off to go to your room and call the management. And then had the reason why the room was so bad. It was because they had a mic, but you were far away from the audience. Yeah. That's another learning thing.

If you go into a room and they're like, yeah, you stand there, but they're 30 feet away. Yeah, that's great. Get those people up or put me in the audience. So get off the stage when the owner's not watching and go into the audience. All these things are controlled mechanisms that people do not know until they work without them.

And then you're like, oh, now I know why I got a microphone. That's why the guy with the microphone always wins at a fucking club. Unless you're brain dead. Yeah, yeah. Unless the comics brain dead. Yeah. You should be able to destroy the microphone, right?

But listen to what I'm saying to you. Going up without a microphone is completely different than going up with a microphone and walking away from it. Yeah, I do that every night and I bomb every night. So it turns out that me teaching Jiu Jitsu and trying to squeeze in some jokes to people that don't want to hear them,

it's like dragging logs up hills. It's like strength and conditioning, you know what I mean? So it actually translated. I didn't know if it was. I'm like, does 15 years of me trying to tell jokes without a mic to people that don't want to hear any fucking jokes. They give me a little laughter every now and then,

but they're not into it. They want to train. Now, when John Jock taught, do you ever crack a joke from time to time? Every now and then. Yeah, as a teacher, you have to have some sense of humor to break the whatever, you know what I'm saying? But in Jiu Jitsu, you don't have a mic.

They don't want to listen to it, but the cool thing is they're not paying for you to be funny. So you don't have to be funny. So you could just, the jokes are like, that's just frosting on the cake, icing on the cake. That makes it a little easier because you don't have to be funny, you know? And in seminars, they want five minutes of your thoughts.

They do, you don't want to start out of a three hour seminar okay, grab a partner, grab his left arm, put him in spiderweb and go. You want to, and sometimes, you know, it's not always jokes. Sometimes I do five minutes on the background of the techniques we're about to get into. If there's a story, then I'll tell a story that leads into that's why we're doing spiderweb.

You know what I mean? But it's the public speaking practice that really helped. What's the organization that you joined if you want to learn how to speak publicly? And you, Toastmasters. I've never heard of it. Is it Toastmasters? Yeah, I've heard of that, yeah.

Let me see, look it up, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is that? Well, it's so weird that we... They teach you how to make toast at like weddings and shit so you're not so uncomfortable, right? Is that what it is? It sounds like what it is. I don't know, no, no, no, no.

Because everybody, everyone at some point got to give a toast, you know, at weddings. When I lived in bold, I was in the transition period before I got arrested, before I kidnapped Beluc. I was in the real transition period. I was doing well, Addy. I was really doing well. Financially, I wasn't getting rich.

But from where I came from, I was doing tremendous. And all I had to do was go to this place every day and sell cars. I was doing great, Addy. So I lived with a chick that was a redheaded chick that had big tits and a big red ass and her mother owned a printing store in Boulder and she was young.

If I was 20, when did I get arrested? At least to 87. So I was basically 87, 23, what's, no, three and four, I was 24 years old when I got arrested for kidnapping. So what is Toastmasters? It just says, do you want to become a confident public speaker? So I lived with a chick and a geeky guy.

Right. The chick sold pot and had cats and the guy, like when you walked in the guy's room to talk to him, he had a picture of a testarose on his wall. He had his goals written everywhere. He was an Anthony Robbins guy. He believed in the other guy. He was into everybody.

This poor bass had spent all his money on just trying to be a better person, like all that stuff, like going to, what do they call those things? Not get rich seminars, but the other ones. Self-improvement? Like self-improvement. And he was young guys.

If I was 24, he was like 23. And this is all you talk about. But he used to go to this. He used to wake up once a week or once a week, a month or twice a month and you go to this shit early and you talk. And he would say to me, dog, I don't know, man. I don't know, you're a lot better at this.

Can you help me with this? And I would ask him what it would be. And I wasn't even doing stand-up then. I wasn't even doing stand-up then. I'd just crack jokes and fuck around in the living room at night with these guys. But he was going to this because of his fear of talking in public.

And he wanted to improve. And hear you and even Lee, for example. I've thrown Lee up in some weird situations. And he's reacted positively. Like most people go, I can't do that and run out of the fucking room. You guys, I applaud you. Because I remember you going on stage at the comedy store.

I brought you up in 2001. On Sunday nights. On Sunday nights. Yeah, I brought you up a few times. I think you even showcased for Mitzi one night. I know Damon Waynes was there one night on a Sunday when I went up and it was probably the worst set ever. It's the public speaking experience

that really helps, man. Because, you know, and the crowd, the crowd's huge too. Because like I was saying in Sacramento, they were all Mexican and they were all conspiracy theorists. So it was fucking, it was so much fun, man. It was so much goddamn fun. I loved it. I mean, you know, here's the fucking craziest thing.

I was thinking about the Spanish scene. When I first moved to LA, the Spanish scene here was going to be the next big thing. And they couldn't put it together. You know, George hated this guy. He hated this guy. He hated this guy. But it didn't bother me.

And I'll tell you why. Believe it or not, Eddie, I would bomb in front of Spanish audiences. In those days, if you watched me on K-Loco and all those Spanish shows. Were you too dirty? Oh no. Was it?

Oh yeah. They didn't want to go too deep. Rudy would pull me on the side and tell me, if you work my rooms, you gotta work them a little cleaner. So these people hold the Mexicans that don't like dirty material. You know, he would always get on me. Willy Bar Center would get on me.

A lot of Latino comics would get on me. Would you change your material? Not even fucking close. I would go up there and work even dirtier. He stressed it. Rudy stressed it. And then one night, do you remember Marilyn Martinez? Yeah.

He had a gig out of town. And Marilyn and me, and Marilyn was up, bro, I wasn't even there yet. As I got up, I saw the 20 cop cars outside. Marilyn got into it with a fucking woman. The lady said something to some guy. The guy said something to her. The woman said something, then they started throwing chairs.

It was called the Brave Bull in one of those little Spanish towns. Yeah, Brave Bull, man. My mom used to go there. Yes, Whittier or something like that. It was phenomenally. My mom parties. The Brave Bull had maybe three comedy rooms.

Oh, wow. It was huge. It was a Mexican fucking restaurant, bar, grill, entertainment, wedding, quinceanera. I mean, you'd go there and anything was going down. It was a complex. You know how many times I went there and wherever the fuck it was,

and I was in a different room to do comedy? Like I started being there with George Lopez and Pablo Francisco on a Saturday night. Oh, shit. I love Pablo. And we were in a room that had animal heads, like goat's heads and fucking bull, like the hunter room,

like the guy hunted them all down, like one of those rooms. There was a room in the- Chupacabra Head. Bro, it was crazy, that place. And he would give me work in the winters. They paid $40 a set on Friday and Saturday. The summers, it went down to 25.

That's nothing. That was nothing. That's still- But I didn't give a fuck. I would drive down there for the small 50. Do the comedy store Friday and Saturday. And in those days, you did Universal City on Fridays for 200.

I had to remember, you just bombed. You just went up there to bomb. It was a dance club and they stopped the music. Coming to the stage. Comedian Eddie Bravo. And you were out there like- Terrible idea. Oh, horrible.

But for 200 on a Friday night, shit. I mugged your mother. For 200 from 10 to 11 on a Friday night. And I could still make my store and still buy a package. Because now I can get a package. That fucking drive down to fucking the comedy store from Universal is Tip Top Maguna. You're whistling.

Tony Bennett, cocksucker. Let me take a quick piss. Take a piss. Like what? How you guys play that? Monday the 18th. Go around me there, my brother. I wanna be around

to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart. Somebody breaks your heart. But later, happy Father's Day to all you motherfuckers. Some somebody twice as smart as I. Somebody who will sweat. Let me get some shout outs on my man, Tommy Poro.

Joe G, one Scully one. Brian Michaels, DJ Miami Joe. Lorenzo Christopher. And Jeffrey Tolison. I love you, motherfuckers. Don't forget, July 7th, working on with Uncle Joey at the Ice House. July 13th and 14th.

I'm at the South Point Casino in Las Vegas, Friday and Saturday, 7.30 show. You're out of there by nine. You're eating your wife's muffler by 10.15. You understand me? And then, boom, we close out the month of July with Salt Lake motherfucking city. Wise guys, four shows, two Friday, two Saturday,

no fucking drama. Working on new material, getting my shit together. And that's it. Fucking August, we go to Kansas City, we go to fucking Nashville, and we go to the other place too. So, get ready, details coming soon. Yeah, yeah, I'm going Alabama,

I'm going to fucking, boom, Nashville, last week of August. So, get ready, Cox Summit. But that's it, that's that. Now, it was a fun time at Calusa Casino, if you came. Thank you, thank you for the confidence builder. The fucking food is great there. The hotel, the best shower. Number two to the south point, at Casino.

You know what I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about? Things that you like about places. Oh my God. What is it, is it a lot of heads or what does it do? Space, heads, and the tub is brilliantly. It's not metal, it's that plastic stuff, but it's curved like a chair that you watch TV in.

Okay, oh. Oh my God. And they have three nozzles, one that shoots at your balls, the other one hits your stomach and the other one hits your face. So, let me explain something. How's the temperature control?

Oh, listen to me. I had the air conditioning down to 55. I had the fireplace on, the portable fireplace. Cause that's how I roll, you understand me? I want evident hell, I want heat and fucking cold. And then I got back from the show last night, maybe 10 o'clock, I ordered a little something, something I had a little snacky poo.

Let me tell you something, I took my anabolic fucking over-the-counter sleeping pill. I popped a couple of fucking anxiety tablets. About 10 30, I went into the fucking shower last night like a doctor. I said, I'm gonna take a shower cause I hugged a couple of people and shit. I wanna take the germs off my neck.

I said, let me get a shower and I go to the casino and gamble a little bit, dog. I went in there about 10 30, guess what? I woke up and that motherfucker at 12 20 woke up. What do you mean you woke up? Passed out there. Where? In the tub.

With my mouth open, I almost drowned but I didn't give a fuck, Jack. Oh, I thought you were in the casino. I slept in the tub for an hour, for almost two hours I slept in that tub with the hot water hitting me from all angles. The best shower in the country I've been to. Second best in the South Point Casino, the pimp room.

At the South Point Casino, the shower's the size of this room. And you got nozzles everywhere with the chair. So you just put the nozzles on and you still in the chair like this, like Copernicus. You take it and you let that water hit you for an hour. Ooh. No wonder you don't answer your phone that weekend. Oh no, you don't hear from me at all.

I get up at four in the morning just to take a shower until five and I order room service like a doctor. Come on, dog. Copernicus. And I pay the 250 to fucking smoke in the room because it's like the Sinatra Suite. So if I'm gonna pay 250, I'm smoking like a chimney, you understand me?

Can you be paying? I'm in there lighting fires and shit, I don't give a fuck, Jack. You prepaid the fine? Yeah, I just take the fine, take the two and a half because I'm smoking, I'm not leaving the room. That's how you do it, dog, why fuck around? So they're always charging you, right?

Yeah, you know, I don't do it a lot of hotels because you can't do it. You gotta be polite to the kids in the hotels. But the South Point, they put me up on top in the top fucking room, all the way in the corner. The room is huge. So I could smoke in the bathroom and fucking, you know, the back like I could smoke in the shower.

You know how many times I've gone to the shower with a joint and turned the shower on my side of candy corner, fucking smoke a joint and bang one out, top on my feet, you know how fun that is? When you come on your feet and you sit there and watch it, it's on your fungi toe, you don't give a fuck. All right, how about when you come like, the sink is kind of clogged and it goes up to your ankles

and you come and then you have come on your ankles because it's good for your skin, you rub it into your feet, your feet get slippery. I don't reverse any of these problems. Just don't stand up because the tub gets slippery. You don't jerk off in the shower? No. Oh, there's your problem.

That's your problem. You don't jerk off, you lay back and you bang one out, like a fountain, some of it lays on your stomach, some of it lays on your thighs, you scratch it off. You know, like the little stick, remember the stickum spray they had in the 80s, the Pittsburgh Steelers, it's like stickum, anything sticks to your leg.

Eddie Brab, it's amazing, the fucking journey we've both seen ourselves doing, you know? It really is. I still remember sitting with you in Houston's, remember we used to go to Houston's all the fucking time. And we do that. The videos there. What was that called again?

It was. 10 Planet Cush. Yes, 10 Planet Cush, that's right. 10 Planet Cush. They're still on YouTube, you can still watch us though. 10 Planet Cush, we used to go to fucking. UFC predictions. UFC predictions, 10 Planet Cush.

We did about like 25 of them. We would meet before you get on the plane. Yeah. Like you would stop and meet me on the way to the plane. Me, you, Dan Hardy did one. Yeah, yeah. A couple of us did some great fucking, that Mexican food. I talked to those guys.

For years after they closed, I kept in touch with one of the cooks on the phone. He would call me from time to time. That's how much we liked them and they liked me. Why didn't you have his number? Because he was family. I would call him up to see if he was working. We did most of them at Houston's bar.

At Houston's. At Houston's. And generally you'd make like about five predictions and you would get, you know, sometimes three rides, sometimes two rides. It didn't matter. You never killed it all except the one time we decided to do it at your house.

And then I ended up videotaping all your cats and I made like all the cats were around videotaping them. You're giving me each story on each cat and, you know, you know, their personalities and their background and all that shit. And for some reason with all those cats, there was like something in the air, man.

When you were ready to go and I turned on the camera and you went and it was 10 planet Kush. I think episode 20. It's the one with all the cats. That one, there was some electricity in the air, man. You were on fire. It was one take. We said, go and you nailed every fight,

every fight you had right. And I remember driving home, I couldn't wait to edit it because I knew there was something super special about it. I didn't know, obviously I didn't know you were going to nail every fight. But that one, just with all the cats and I don't know, maybe it's true. Maybe, you know how they say that a cat's per

generates positive energy that you could pick up. You know what I mean? That's what, you know, crazy cat lady say. I felt something, all those cats were all around and they all, you could see their personalities and then you picked up Fidel. You picked them up and we start the previews or the production.

I'm going to fall in love with the cameras. Oh man, that's one of the greatest episodes of it. Yeah, he loves the cameras. Fidel loves the cameras. Okay, if you had a camera on, Fidel would fucking get up and walk into the frame. What's up, motherfuckers? I'm here, I'm sad, what up?

I'm sad, I'm thinking about it. I'd love to see that actually, like you fast forward to the part where you give the predictions because you were on fucking fire with, it was so funny. And it was the only one, most of them, when I was filming them, you would say like two or three things that were funny and I'm videotaping and you could hear me laugh.

This one, I was laughing the whole way through. I couldn't stop laughing, you were just, it was like when you went up in Columbus, that one time when you opened for Joe and he was filming that monkeys in space thing, when you went up, I'll never forget ever, watching from the side stage, you were sweating and spitting and everybody was dying, you were crushing,

like it was just gold, it was like fire, it was like you just had magic that night, it was crazy. I'll never forget that night. All those years opening up for Joe who were fucking magical. It was crazy, crazy. Me and Joe were always on the side, he was on the floor. The education was mind boggling. Joe doesn't know that I took his book,

like John Jock gave you his black belt. Joe gave me his black belt and I just tweaked a couple of elements that now we both live by, like I used to tell him more for years, Joe we gotta leave early on Sunday. Fuck that, I'm not getting up to one, and I would fucking leave the night before I was stranded. I would fuck with his emotions and shit

until he fucking listened. Dog, you got kids, you gotta be back on the first flight, they don't want you and me doing it. I'm gonna fucking get up at 10 and eat breakfast and the flight's delayed. My seminars are on, generally on Saturday and right when I'm done with that afternoon seminar, I'm on my way to the airport.

Five o'clock. I'm back at home Saturday night with my family. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't have time for vacation. It's really weird how that was my apprenticeship. That's the true story, when I write my book on comedy, it was 10 years, opening for Joe. That was crazy, what a combo.

I saw it from the beginning. And then every now and then they'd switch it up, either Duncan would be the one who opened and then you and then Joe or Ari, John Heffron even. But man, those are the days, man. Me, and what about when it was me and Ari and Duncan? There was shows when it was me, Ari, Duncan, the red band, you, Tate in the fucking audience, and Joe.

We go eat at fucking two in the morning and Joe would pick up the, I mean, it was fucking crazy. It was just pure, I remember renting a van in Austin. I was single as fuck back then. So anytime Joe went on the road, he just dragged me along. You know what I mean? I went on the road, I wasn't even a comedian back then. I was just living the life of a comedian,

but not getting on stage. I didn't get on stage back then. But you were watching. I was watching. But you were watching, and that's time served. In my world, like Lee, watching me going out, blah, blah, blah, blah, that's time served. That's why.

Apprenticeship. That's apprenticeship, it's time served. You watched it, you seen what happened. I've seen Joe set probably 2,000 times just over and over. I knew it was set inside and out. You know, I wouldn't even listen to his jokes anymore. I would be fascinated by paying attention to the people that there was always two or three people,

maybe one that wasn't laughing at all. Everyone's dying. Joe's destroying, and I just find the one dude who's not laughing at all, and he's usually with his wife, and he's just sitting like this. Just, he is not happy about his wife, another guy making his wife laugh. He's just like, oh, my God.

I'm like, wow, look at that guy. He's not laughing at shit, that guy. I was fascinated with shit like that. There's nothing worse, because you see it right away. You see it right away. It sticks out like a thumb. When a woman is a fan of your comedy, and her husband isn't a fan of anything,

he's just a puke guy that's a hater. Yeah. And in fact, she's paying for the tickets. Yes, she dragged him out. She dragged him out. He didn't want, and she's laughing at every shit that isn't even jokes. She's just like, I can't wait to laugh.

And the guy is furious. Yes. And I saw it over the years. The worst one I ever saw was Ontario. Ontario was the worst one I ever saw. When I went up first, and the guy was heckling, and I said something to him, and then the guy got really pissed,

then when Joe went up, he started heckling Joe right off the fucking bat, like something about a wig or something. I'll never forget that. This is 2000. This is the height of the fucking fear factor. Yeah. And this guy's heckling Joe, and there was a big bouncer.

Do you remember that guy in Ontario? That was big, he was a steroid freak. I saw him years later, and he was skinny. I go, what happened, man? I had a heart attack, no shit. You were drinking that shit. Bro, he was yo, this poor guy. Well, he got the guy and threw him out,

but something happened outside. There was an ugly altercation, the cops came. The chick finally got out and went outside, and she came back and started yelling. Something happened with the guy, they fucked him up before the cops got there or something. It was not bueno. But, and then there was the time

when I shot my special in Chicago. The guy in the front row that kept moving around and shit. Eddie, for two minutes I'm saying jokes, and I'm trying to figure out how I'm gonna kick this guy in the face. Without nobody seeing it on tape. Just in my mind, I thought I could just kick him, and he would just drop,

and I could just keep going, and nobody would say nothing. Yeah, I've seen that enough where like, now when I'm on stage, if there's a girl sitting with a guy, I'll do my best to ignore that table. I don't even want, I don't wanna make anybody uncomfortable at all.

I just stare at nothing, you know? You don't talk to the audience. You guys are well trained in that aspect. That's why I know you've both studied comedy, because you don't talk to the audience. Like asking where they're from, and what they're doing. Yeah, that's a habit you pick up in New York.

New York comedy. That's a good way to get shit started, though. No, it's not. No, it's not. I do that in seminars. Sometimes I'll start a seminar, I'm like, I'll do a little of that, but I work the crowd, right?

I haven't done it yet in... In real time? No, I haven't really. In real time, it's a different fucking thing. Because if they don't say nothing to you, and then motherfucking go silent, your heart stops and it's a beat. Like you're like...

And if you don't got anything funny to say off it, damn, you're risking it. Boom, you asked them, you're trying to ask them some shit, and you can't even think of any funny shit? I'm leaving my leg up at 10th planet. You know what I'm saying? That's like putting my leg up at 10th planet,

saying take my leg, I'm gonna block your fucking head, you know, I gotta do thick. It's a... Jiu-jitsu and stand-up correlate so much. And I didn't know until I joined Jiu-jitsu, because right away, I improved my comedy game, improved. Right away, I saw a bunch of gaps in my whole...

A bunch of holes in my game. Soon as I was like six, seven months into Jiu-jitsu, I had so many holes in my personal life, that I couldn't imagine how many I had in my comedy game. So I started to fill those fucking holes as much as I could. A, by fucking writing. But I think I'm starting to overwrite, dog.

Why? I'm not, because I'm not a writer. I'm the type of dude that goes out there with three sentences and just gets the party started with energy. I'm trying to be something I'm not, and that's what happened. But I learned, you learn a lot from every time you shoot a special.

I'm not good at shooting specials. I'm not a good special shooter. See these, I'm not bad at it. Specials, I'm not good at it. I choke. There's pressure, now there's, it's a, it's no joke. There's, you know, nothing's guaranteed. But I really had nothing to lose on this Netflix thing.

I had nothing to lose. Maybe you're just being hard. Maybe it's amazing and you just, you're just hard on yourself. Maybe when you look back on it, we'll see. It's not amazing. It's not amazing. They're gonna make it look good.

Make it sound good. But it's not gonna be fucking what I really would could do the damage I could do. Which, you know, and listen, you live and you learn, brother. 27 years, you still living and learning. That's the beauty of this thing. Was it like the cameras or what do you think

really affected you? It was me. The last two weeks, going into that last two weeks, I fucked up my mind a little bit. I did something I shouldn't have done. I went into a dark place instead of going into a better place, purposely, just to see where the, but it was too late to do that.

I should have done that three or four weeks earlier. I decided to do that with a week left to go, which wasn't good to do. There was a lot of mistakes I made. What I did was, was go to places where I wasn't gonna be liked where those jokes I say in front of a podcast guy will laugh because they know me from the podcast or from Joe's podcast.

But I went to places that wouldn't know me. I wouldn't put myself on the schedule. Do you follow me? Yeah. So I saw what jokes the general public wasn't laughing at because I wanted to see what would appeal on Netflix. Because with Netflix, you're not doing a show for these people.

You're doing a show for viewers. But that's what I thought. That's all bullshit. Now you've learned that you just got to- That's all bullshit. That's all white talk. Let them catch up to- That's all white talk, just be funny.

That's all I had to be was be funny. So last night I did an hour and I still had another hour to go. I went up to my roommate and I go, what the fuck was that? Two weeks ago, I couldn't even come up with 27 minutes. Couldn't even do 30. Didn't even have the confidence to do fucking 30 minutes. How long ago?

Two weeks ago. June 4th, June 16th. And it was tremendous last night. Tremendous. I was loose. I had a great time up on stage. So you live and you learn people. You're not fucking perfect.

At least you're strong enough to say the truth and not dismiss everything. That helps comedy a lot is being honest with yourself. That helps in every aspect. Not just comedy, whether you're a plumber, whether you're an author, whether you're a writer, it helps with every fucking degree that you have to look at yourself every six months

and go, what the fuck am I doing wrong? But sometimes you over-analyze that and it kills what you're doing. Why ruin? Why are you dismissing what got you to the game? What got you to the dance? What's that expression? Why change what got you to the dance?

This is what got you to the dance. Now you wanna be smart and that's a mistake I've avoided for years and this time I didn't avoid it. When we get smart Eddie is when we fail. Stay stupid. When we're stupid we do great. It stays stupid. Yeah, it stays stupid.

I have no problem with that. No, me neither. I'm a master in that. Me neither. That's when we do our best work, when we stay stupid. When we get smart and try to be geniuses, let me show you what I'm done with. That's when we fucking go, what the fuck can I just do?

Then you're acting like Johnny White, my guy. You acting like Johnny White, but I might as well go to Disney and stop people from having that ability, see what I'm saying? You can't go in the park with a fucking ability. But what do you give a fuck? Dog, when that guy came up to me and said that to me that he followed me

and that I didn't go to my room, I was pissed. I was pissed. Yeah, you looked pissed. I didn't know what was going on because that was already through security. I was just like looking back on what? What the fuck? This does not look good.

Dog, you failed the cop test. You failed the cop test. Now you're here breaking my fucking balls. That's what basically those guys are. They failed the test the first time. They ain't doing enough push-ups. Then you get a roast beef sandwich. Who the fuck knows what the, something didn't go right.

They didn't pass the mental, you know what I'm saying? Disney don't do a mental. Who the fuck knows? I don't fucking know. But for them to act that way, that's the people that usually act that way. Other people that got booted from something and now, you know, they couldn't be a cop for some reason.

I'm Spanish. Mall cop. Yeah, mall cop. I can't deal with that shit. This is what it is. You got a weapon? No. Then what do you give a fuck?

If you ain't got a weapon, what are you playing sheriff for? If you got a gun or a machine gun, then I can see you stopping me. But if you ain't got a weapon, why are you playing fucking cop for? You get shot like the rest of us. They put you out here to fucking play a cop with no gun.

And you're actually believing that shit. People gonna listen to you without a fucking gun. The fuck is wrong with people? The fuck is wrong with people, I mean Bravo? What are you doing standing up again, Eddie? Right now, Live Nation with Candice from, she's, Candice is the one who put together the San Francisco and Sacramento gigs.

She's my sister-in-law. She used to work for Live Nation and she still kind of works for them. And she's the one who presented the idea to the guy at the top. And he said, well, if they sell out San Francisco and Sacramento, we'll put them on, we'll get some more dates for them.

And San Francisco was, they were having a comedy festival that weekend. It was the worst weekend ever. And we still got 350 people in there and it's 400 capacity. Yeah, that's comms, yeah. So we got 350 and then Sacramento, we were 10 short of selling it out in Sacramento. Both shows on just one show.

We just did one show. We did one show each. And Live Nations, they were, I guess they were satisfied because they're gonna keep it going. We're gonna go to Philly, Austin, I don't know, we're trying to figure it out. Now you do 10-4 comedy on the road.

Yeah, 10-4 comedy. Now when it's 10-4 comedy, do you do regular comedy? You just do comedy about aliens and fucking martians. It's just my regular set, but my regular set is a little, it's somewhere in between conspiracies and stories of me growing up. It's not all, it's, I'm not preaching.

It's actually I'm making more fun of 10-4 conspiracy theories and actually pushing it. But I just, I didn't want to be preachy and, I just want to be, just tell funny stories. And it's hard, it's hard making conspiracy theories funny, but I like doing comedy in front of a room where they're at least down with the Tower Seven conspiracy.

We call the shows Tower Seven and Over. You gotta at least be down. Cause if you're way on the other side, you ain't gonna laugh today. You ain't gonna like me. You might as well get that refund right now. So that's the whole point of it. It's just basically putting together a show

where we're all on the same page, you know? I don't care about making people, you know, libtards laugh. I don't care about them at all. They can watch Jimmy Gaffigan or something. You know what I mean? He's awesome. I love him too, but you know,

that's generally not my crowd. I get you. That's it. So we did 10-4 comedy night just to attract- When I was listening to you, I was just thinking about what material I would do on 10-4. What is it?

10-4 hat? 10-4 hat comedy. Like if I do the guest part, like I would talk about, it would happen to be something with the candidates. Most comedians have, without even knowing, they have some conspiracy theory stuff in their comedy. Like you'd listen to Cat Williams.

There's a lot of conspiracy theory stuff in there. You know what I mean? It's basically, a lot of comedy is making fun of the official stories. Like Dave Chappelle, for instance, he talked about, he says they said AIDS comes from monkeys. That's what they said. They want us to believe that.

It goes, you know how hard it is to fuck a monkey? You know what I mean? That's Dave Chappelle. That's conspiracy theory stuff. So it's like that. You know what I mean? It's not like preachy. It's just, we're kind of just making fun of it.

You know what I mean? I'm not trying to get killed. That's the bottom line. I'm not going to go out there and try to be fucking Che Guevara or fucking Alex Jones. I don't want to be that guy. I'm not trying to be that guy. If you ask me about conspiracy theories,

I'll tell you the truth. You know what I mean? I don't think we went to the moon. You know what I mean? I'll tell you my opinions, but I don't want to be this fucking leader of conspiracy theories. I like talking about them.

They're fascinating, but I'm not trying to get killed. I don't need to get hung on some door with a scarf. You know what I mean? I'm not trying to do that. You're not trying to expose it. I'm not trying to expose shit. You're goofing on an existing situation. You know what?

I will get serious about some conspiracy theories. I do it on podcasts all the time, but I don't have to. I'm not trying. I don't have a mission to put anybody in jail or to get anybody busted or anything like that. I don't want to get suicided. I'm not trying to do any of that.

So, you know, you can call me a shill or whatever. Who the fuck cares? Let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a few questions. I don't know if you know this, where I come from in Jersey. It's where they see the most Martian viewers in the country.

Where? You know that, right? Northern New Jersey. It's where they see the most Martian landings. I've had people on the show before and I broke it down for them. Where I come from, Hudson County Park YouTube Martians, 1976. Where I come from, that park where we used to do all,

we used to mug the pedophiles and shit, we were kids. They closed that park off for a couple of days because there was a rocket ship that landed on that fucking thing, like the same thing that landed on the moon with the little four legs and it landed in Hudson County Park, bro. I grew up and all the government agencies came,

they roped it off and they took fucking samples from the soil and the people who live in those buildings. Like six of the eight witnesses got hit by cars and died of heart attacks and shit. Which is there's Hudson County Park Martians. And one guy or two people were talking about the lights, how they saw the lights and the thing land in Hudson County Park

and that four little things with astronaut suits came up and they took samples of dirt and shit. This is classic shit. In fact, I'm one of the sopranos, they spoke about it. When they were having an argument with them, they said then two months ago, you were saying that you saw a rocket ship in Tenderfly.

All that area is hotbeds for fucking martial landings and shit like that. Look, there you go, UFOs. Look at the name of the video. Joey Diaz, UFOs, Sightings, Hudson County Park, left, right there it is, right there, dog. What the fuck you think you're dealing with any problem? That's the one.

Is there any clips? I think this is talking about it on the podcast. Right there, UFOs, North Bergen, New Jersey. I'll tell a history channel. Fuck yeah, dog, this is no joke. I ain't fucking with you, G-Money. You think I would fucking... This is also a place where there have been persistent claims

of alien and UFO sightings. George Obarski owned a Manhattan liquor store and drove the same route back to his home in North Bergen, New Jersey every night for decades. At 3 a.m. on the morning of January 12th, 1975, as he was driving through the local park, his radio reception suddenly became distorted. He even made subsequent events

to UFO investigator Bud Hopkins, who recorded his story with a portable tape recorder. Well, I would say that that thing was 30 feet across. It was a big thing. Yeah. It's time. It seemed to be, I would say, maybe six feet high. You know, like a pancake.

It was thrown up like a pancake. Right. And the thing landed right ahead of me. He described small figures who got out. He said they looked like kids' no suits. And they were each one carrying a kind of a squarish receptacle and a long spoon-like shovel. They dug soil samples extremely large

and put it in the little satchels and got back in the craft. He said they moved incredibly fast, like kids coming down a fire. What do you think? And the thing took off. Dropped. He was absolutely terrible. I mean, if you want to know what I think,

even after George, you want to hear crazy shit? Hold on. Oh. That's the fucking, you know how many grams of coke I bought in that building? No. That's what I'm talking about. That's why it's circle.

They call it the grinder. It's a circle building. You know, I used to be a big UFO guy. It was all, you know, about it, like, you know, all the reports and the sightings. And then it looked like the government was trying to cover it up with Project Blue Book. You're like, look, it's real because, look,

the government's trying to cover it up. But when you look into it, from the dawn of time, all dictators and emperors and tyrants, they all, they all had the same goal, the same ultimate dream, one world government. They all wanted it. And it was, they all tried to figure out how the fucking, they get everybody to be under one fucking emperor.

And they knew way back in Babylon times that the best way, the quickest way would be if there was some sort of invasion from the sky. If there was some sort of invasion, then everybody would just jump in and agree to a one world government. They wouldn't have to do all this propaganda and mind fuck, you know, mind fuck routines.

So, but they could never do it. They didn't know how you're going to get everyone to believe that there's a fake alien invasion. That was just something that it was, it's been written. It's like a Jesuit order plan, but there's no way you're going to do that. How are you going to fake an alien invasion? So, if you want to get crazy,

it's the crazy people believe that it's always been the grand plan. And that's what we've been working to step by step. They believe that like Roswell and all those Martian movies in the 50s, they're all designed to convince people that the aliens could convince people that it's possible, that we could be attacked by aliens,

and that would push the one world government. They know that's the ultimate goal. So, you know, still the technology back in the 50s and 60s, it looks like shit. You look at those Martian movies, like no one's going to believe that shit. So, the conspiracy theory is the government decided, let's pretend like we're hiding it,

let's stage some shit, like crash some shit and just tell people like, you know, spread the rumors that themselves, that it was an alien aircraft and post a bunch of shit. Like Roswell was faked. It was some government scythe. That shit, they made you think.

They wanted you to think that they were covering it up. So, this is the crazy conspiracy theory. So, year after year, that was the plan. The plan was we have to get everyone to believe somehow that it's possible that we can get attacked by aliens from space. So, that's where all the movies came from. Star Wars, everything.

The moon missions, Disneyland, all that shit to get us to believe, to prepare us for the fake alien invasion that will direct us right into a new world order. And they get the presidents to say that in front of the UN. I'm going to play something real quick. It's going to take one second. This is Ronald Reagan.

This is Ronald Reagan. And they all say this, Clinton, Obama, even Trump said it. They have a speech that they're supposed to say. And this is it right here. This is the speech. There's going to be 15 seconds. Look at this.

This is Ronald Reagan at the UN. All right? To make us recognize this common bound, I occasionally think how quickly our differences worldwide would vanish if we were facing an alien threat from outside this world. A fake alien invasion.

See? So he, Ronald Reagan said it. All these presidents are saying Clinton said it on the Jimmy Kimmel show. The exact same thing. He says the same thing. So that's the conspiracy theory. It's called Project Bluebeam.

Project Bluebeam is the plan. And Bill Cooper, the guy who wrote Behold the Pale Horse, he's a U.S. Naval intelligence whistleblower. And he said, this is the plan. He's been saying this since the 90s. They're going to put holograms in the sky and make you believe that we're being attacked by aliens. Right now you can get on YouTube

and you can punch in a city floating in the sky in China. And you could watch it. And there's a city floating in the sky. No one believes it's real. They're like, this is some kind of fucking projection. What the fuck is going on? There's all sorts of shit on YouTube where dudes are filming crazy shit in the sky.

Like weird ass fucking shit. And of course no one believes it. People are like, that's fucking that. How can that be real? That's a hologram. So what they're doing is they're getting it into our consciousness. They're getting us... It's been the plan for thousands of years

and now we have the technology to actually do it. Fake some alien shit, scare people. Just like Ronald Reagan said. You heard him say, Trump even said it. He said the exact same speech. Word for word. Why are they trying to drill this? Now we're ready.

Everyone believes that there's going to be a fake alien or that there's going to be a... Well, the conspiracy theorists think that this is going to be a... There's a fake alien invasion coming to push us to a one world order. That's what Project Blue Bean, look that up. No zombie apocalypse. Another...

They just want to scare the shit out of us. Global warming, they're just... They're trying to scare us with the environment. Scare us from space. Scare us from terrorism. Scare us with nuclear bombs. These are all just scare tactics. They scare us so that we give up more money to stop this.

That's what global warming is about. They want that carbon tax. That's that fucking global carbon tax. All that money. All those politicians are going to be able to just steal. They're going to be... They're like, yeah, we're blowing up the world. You got to turn off your car.

It's scare tactics. Overpopulation. Apparently, they've been trying to scare us with overpopulation since the 70s. They said by the year 2000, we're going to... There's not going to be any oil and we're going to... By the year 2000, people are going to be standing on top of each other's fucking heads. They were writing books about this.

Trying to scare us. Meanwhile, you could fit today's entire population with a house. Everyone in the world could have their own house in Texas. How the fuck are we overpopulated? It's bullshit. If that's true, and they say the same thing about Alaska, you could fit the entire world's population in Alaska. They could all have their own house.

It seems unbelievable. Wait a minute. Aren't we overpopulated? If that's true, and I talked about it on Joe Rogan's podcast, it seems like it's true because he would be all over it if it wasn't. There's overpopulation. It's just a big scare. That's just the crazy top.

That's it. Always a pleasure. Always a pleasure having any bra on. You let us know when you're doing your next show on the road, whatever. EBI is coming up, though. What is that? Can I plug that? Yeah.

EBI 16 next Sunday in San Diego at the San Diego Performing Arts Center. EBI 16. We're going to have a 16-woman Bantamweight tournament featuring Bia, Basilio, Bia, Mosquita, Luana, Al Guzir. These are all IBJJF world champions. The two Bias, Mosquit and Basilio, there are probably the best girls in the world right now. What do they weigh? You have to be 135 same day.

And where do they watch this online? You can watch it on UFC Fight Pass or you can get tickets for the show. If you're anywhere in Southern California, go to inchbyinch.tv. And the main event is Combat Jiu Jitsu. It's going to be Richie Boogieman Martinez versus Bobby Emmons for the EBI CJJ welterweight belt. Richie's the belt holder right now. He's the champion. Bobby's coming in there.

It's a rematch. Richie beat him the first time and Bobby's coming back. He's going to try to redeem himself. And also PJ Barch, he's one of the fastest rising 10-planet soldiers out there. He's going to fight Combat Jiu Jitsu against Mickey Rolls. So we have a 16-woman sub-only tournament plus two Combat Jiu Jitsu bouts. One for the welterweight belt. What are you fucking around?

You know I don't play. What are you fucking around? I said July 7th, the Ice House, the 13th and 14th South Point Casino. That's it. And that's that, you bad motherfuckers. Again, happy belated Father's Day. Thank you for coming out to the Kalusa Casino. And thank you for listening to The Church of What's Happened Now with my man Eddie Bravo and the fucking Christ Killer over there.

He ain't saying much tonight. The Brett Spray got him. Anyway, number one on it, my heart. I've been with them since day one. Me since day one. Why? Because their supplements work. From the alpha brain, which they'll give you 100% back, money back guaranteeing they don't want the product to my fucking favorite shroom tech.

I live on that shit. I snort that shit. I love shroom tech sport and the immune. I fly a lot. You don't see me with no mask with a Japanese fucking look on my face. Why? Because I do shroom tech immune motherfuckers. And I eat ass.

The flu ain't going to get me. You know what I'm saying? So that's the way we do it. Go to audit.com right now and press in. Church. Bam! And get 10% off. Deliver straight to the house.

Number two, when it comes to geese, mats, shin guards, any of that stuff. A jump rope. A kettle bell holder. Fuji Sports.com. That a way to go. My favorite geese in the world. Fuji Sports. Rashgard.

Fuji. I love everything to do with Fuji. They've been around since Jesus left Chicago. Quality. Quality. Quality. Whether it's a new sick cow, point to old geese. To the fucking just all purpose.

To the beautiful competition geese that they have. To the Supurrito, which is my fucking favorite. Lightweight, durable, fucking tough and shoe leather. You understand me? Go to Fujisports.com right now and press in. Church. Bam! C-H-U-R-C-H.

And get 10% off. Deliver to your motherfucking house. I want to thank the master. Eddie Bravo. 10thplan at JJ.com. 10thfall Conspiracy. Motherfucking Wizard. And I want to thank the Christ Killer over there.

And I want to thank you guys for listening. Stay black. And we'll see you Thursday. What's up, though? I have another show at the Second More Tavern. Oh, shit. On the 26th at 8.30. Oh, shit.

If you are in town and want it to come, you're more than welcome. Awesome. Thank you. And yeah, that's going to be a lot of people. What's the 26th of Wednesday? A Tuesday. A Tuesday. All right.

There you have it. You have the whole fucking schedule. I love you motherfuckers. One more time for foodiesports.com and one more time for Honor. Stay black. See you Wednesday morning. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I can't go further, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

No en, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no