Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #600 - Joey Alvarado

Episode Date: July 16, 2018

Joey Alvarado, a Jiu Jitsu coach who holds a Black belt under Roger Machado and is also the creator of the kettle-jitsu program, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio.   This podcast is brought to you by:   FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear.     Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.    Recorded live on 07/15/2018.
  

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Kick that fucking meal, Lee I Monday the 16th the motherfucking July it's official the year's half over here we go Oh shit Oh Church what's happening now coming at you on a Monday morning. It's a beautiful day to be alive Wash that pussy shine your shoes brush your teeth It's a shit shower shave and a shampoo motherfucker

Oh Here we go Music Who the fuck you think you're dealing with on a Monday morning you bad motherfuckers Uncle Joey coming direct From the studio at that. I got my man Professor Joey Alvarado the inventor Kettle Jitsu you motherfuckers Einstein invested the light bulb Professor invented kettle Jitsu and the fucking flying Jew aka the Christ killer aka the Hussied of death Fucking Lisa. Yeah, hey guys doing listen if you came to any of the Vegas shows

I want to thank you had a great fucking weekend with you guys You know, I've been home after the Netflix thing. So that's exactly why I scheduled it just to be Peaceful go to the seafood bar. I saw a lot of you guys at the bar I saw a lot of you guys outside smoke and reefer later on that night. Listen to how the great time Thank you very much for coming out and supporting comedy. What's going on Professor just hustling man. Get ready good baby boy Yeah, that's all interesting picture you and that's what made me call you saw interesting picture of me Yeah, you put a picture yourself like half nude coming out Looking like fucking Saint Lazarus without that's Saint Lazarus. You look at Saint Lazarus without the dogs

Did I look that old right there? He's the man. That's the man. That's the man son Lasso and He's pretty cut up though. So I think you have a compliment. He's caught up because it was the food was tough It's Jesus on the cross. He wasn't caught up because he was going to fucking our burlose He was caught up because things are tough things are bad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't no fucking, you know, okay There wasn't no so you saw the so you saw the pictures of the top of the Was no sauce or was no cheese But I saw a picture you and it's pretty interesting you said I'm 47 years old I turned 47 in a couple weeks and you started talking about a body weight exercises and kettle bell

Bob on this is the best that you've ever felt in years and it was just interesting because At the age of like 40 or something you get this thing called like sarcopenia something like that So I call yeah, and he has to some sarcopenia where it's the you lose a pound of muscle every year Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, it's like a bad pound of muscle because it gets replaced by fat It's like when you look at when you go to a steakhouse Hmm, and you cut a steak and you see the marbled fat. Yeah, it just gets there's more fat than less muscle You know, yeah, yeah, yeah for sure. I didn't know it's called. I mean, there's a name for it

So I'm like that please if anybody knows tweet it I'm not Sorry, is the sarcopenia something like that? Opinion Sarcopenia that's something like that Sarcopenia, what is the sarcopenia? Let's see. I Think it's a disease. Yeah, you're absolutely. Yeah, you're absolutely sarcopenia Sarco at some point in your 30s you start to lose muscle mass and function the causes age-related sarcopenia

sarco-p-e-n-e-l-i-a I mean, I always knew that like it's pretty I mean, I didn't know it was at 30 I thought it was 40. I just thought like as you got older. I didn't know it started at 30 That's pretty cool. I didn't know it was called sarcopenia either. Yeah, they said you can use three to five percent of your muscle mass each decade after 30 Yeah, a decade is so that's why that's why a lot of people promote like resistance training and stuff like that That's why it's important so you can maintain that muscle, you know So what happens if you lose muscle obviously like the fat, but do you is there an issue with your body? Like is it hard to move and not necessarily it's just like, you know, like like you've seen how like like Arnold Schwarzenegger

Look at our sister Arnold Schwarzenegger, right guys not nearly as muscular And so it kind of looks like he's like a little bit shriveled more shriveled up, you know But like because he had so much muscle before there's no way you can maintain that forever, right? I mean, that's the thing about bodybuilders, but like Yeah, so like you just have to just you know do some kettlebell training and stuff like that eat eat, right? And then you're good to go now. I mean you're not gonna have any health problems So over 40 what do you really strive for because I mean a lot of people listen to the podcast a lot younger than that But you know what man if I knew what I knew today, I would have never stopped lifting. Yeah, like I loved all that shit

Drugs and companies whatever Because even when you go to prison you take good care of yourself Yeah, I mean you take great shapes great shape between the running and the fucking I saw I saw Cape Fear with Robert I know how yeah, I'm gonna fucking got chiseled in there Yeah, I was like, holy I love these people I give up cars and jail they give up cars for you You know I'm saying they give they do it for you Now they give me they give you nothing but carbs in prison. They give you nothing but car. They give you everything to fill You know bread shitty white bread shitty fucking grain shitty rice

It's all one level below what you usually fucking get at a shitty fucking restaurant The rumor I heard is that Jared gained a lot of weight back He's in there drinking those six inches they don't eat six inches in jail And 12 Oh What exactly did he did he did he must I thought so right? Yeah, yeah, he was invented he was in oh my god, how horrible so anywhere we're back. We're back to the last ten years We've seen

You know, maybe the last five years. We've seen a lot of lives Just go down the fucking toilet man. It's like you're about the fucking you're about the You know, we're about to see Oh, you know one of the greatest not not to me because I was never really a big mother for I liked them But then I saw him when I first started County and he was such a cunt That's the only word I could describe him sorry to say that Cosby really thought he was a cunt I was such a piece of shit when I met him really that I just stopped like I never really liked them all that much Anyway, I liked the joke that he had about buck buck because I related to it. The one special when he's sitting down

Mm-hmm. I kind of related to that but he wasn't Richard. I never caught any of his early No, he wasn't Richard prior to me So that moment with me in Colorado Springs that split moment why people say don't meet your idols Mm-hmm. A lot of people don't meet your idols. Just leave it how it is. You don't need to take paper You don't need to do nothing. Mm-hmm. I went he wasn't my idol I just looked up to him as a yeah, of course, of course, and as I walked over he was giving a lecture on Comics who were dirty how they just bad for the business and they're lazy and then he started like just fucking destroying Eddie Murphy Yeah, I turned my back and walked away

I go, you know what one thing if he was white and destroying Eddie Murphy But to be black and destroying Eddie Murphy your own fucking brother and whatever in arms and what what phase was Eddie Murphy? This has to be 92 you couldn't touch any Murphy Fuck him. Fuck. I'm delirious. Delirious. When did he know this was this was this was this is 92 So this is already delirious came out already raw came out already fucking He was at the peak. Oh, you know coming to America already came out. What's the other one? They made when they when he shoots Delaree's the pinkie toe Fucking night, which is a work of fucking it's a masterpiece of my world

Eddie Murphy made a couple dog and let me tell you something and I'm for years And I'm gonna tell you people how it is because I'm honest with you I was in college when Harlem nights came out. What time what year the Harlem nights come I think came out 92 Let me tell you an interesting thing about Harlem nights at the time They came out a little earlier 89 89 I was in prison and let me tell you something about all the nights now when I saw a commercial for it I know I'm never gonna watch that movie. I thought it was just a bit put a bunch of black guys together

Yeah They put a bunch of funny black guys together just to put them together I watched that movie reluctantly four or five years later and Today it has to be in one of my top ten comedies and maybe my top 25 Eddie Murphy was brilliant. Richard Pryor was brilliant fucking red Fox Was brilliant Delaree's was brilliant Fucking nah, who was the Italian of the 90s? You know, he was in do the right thing Danny. I yellow Okay, yeah, brilliant, you know, every every

To our senior hall What will we talk about the right thing do the right no no Harlem night Harlem nights was our son Yes, and no, I look I can't remember right now. Yeah, was he I think he was I Love coming to America. I think that's fucking good. Well, too. It's coming out any day now. What are you talking about coming to America? No, they did not make another to shut the fuck. Yeah, he was lying man. He wasn't yeah, he was what he was a crying man I must have been like a cameo or something. Okay, so he wasn't it, but he wasn't it. Yeah. Yeah, he wasn't it's one of the first Eddie Murphy Well, I saw was a trading places that one all classic even to a kid

It's such a good one man And there's very few movies that like will fully stand up like some movies now are even are good But like sometimes like this doesn't really stand up. I still like it but like that. Yeah, all is like it's early stuff I'm bad news for you guys 48 hours still stands. Oh fuck. Yeah, like a motherfucker 48 hours Let me tell you something trading places the prison scene Still stands out as one of the top comedic scenes I've ever seen in my fucking life. Okay, that's up there with John Candy and Splash That's how good fucking Eddie Murphy was in the prison scene when the beginning when he's the handicap And

I was Asian orange The quarter blood technique Was in the jail when he's like so tell me this is the line that kill summer karate man I used to be an insect. Are you saying I was this crazy white dude? See my I love Gentiles They're the nicest people in the world, but you really want to get my dick hard. Give me a crazy redneck gentile Oh my god, people. Oh my god. This guy was my personal bulldog just out of love. He just loved me and I loved him But he loved doing cocaine. He loved two things in life doing cocaine and fucking women

And I'm gonna tell you something to both of your faces. Never did somebody do two things that good as he And he used to I used to see the woman he used to fuck on a daily night and I remember one night He fucked this millionaire chick in his in his apartment. This guy was worth three dollars Mm-hmm. He and he was telling me the story the next like I kept calling me You know you call somebody on the answer phone. You got to go over there knock on the door I'm like, where's the money from last night's man. He paid me. I mean, we were always cool But every morning he had a different story about what he did I already got tied up in a jacuzzi one time and almost drowned

That he picked up a Chinese chick and the chick tied him up to a Rubber doll. I mean this guy had out there like he was out there. What was he like really good looking good looking southern accent Tall, you know, he probably had a big dick If I had a guess he had a big dick North Carolina and he was fucking a walking riot Wow To and he do blow at night and when I believe it do blow He'd really get funny and an accent would come out and he was a tar he'll all the way Yeah, if you wanted to throw fists

Talks and shit about the tar heels. He would throw some fist and you know, I lived in South Carolina for a long Yeah, yeah, the Gamecocks Those people throw fist over But this dude was telling me a story one time. Oh He fucks somebody like guys somebody big like somebody worth millions of dollars Like he was and he's telling me this that she stayed at this hotel And that she loves that cocaine and all this shit and he goes man, you should have seen she came in I just told the throw your fur on the fucking he goes her fur alone was $80,000 Joey Dears

I came on it just I was wiping my dick on it I don't even know how we got on poor car hall if he's listening to me, you know, he lives in Columbus If anybody gets a hold of car hall Tom, I was talking about him. I said in my life We had a great brother Vince who was a fisherman and every day He would go fishing in the roaring for fucking river when I was a kid and he called me in the fucking room He knocked I didn't even have a phone and he fucked and cooked me fish every night him and his girlfriend Patty And she was chubby. So car will call fatty. I mean patty

My name was patty, but he would call it fatty. I don't forget that. Hey fatty. I mean patty How you doing and she would say fuck you car Evil evil evil. So what else is going on professor? You've been telling just so yeah, that was just interesting Now for people who are at home and you're 35 years old Barbells towards kettlebells, what's the big difference explain the people at home listening. I mean, I Mean for me, I feel like the kettlebell is a more functional thing You could be in a beef you could be in a bind and have an hour to work out a day and really do a great workout

With a 35 pound kettlebell, you know, if you know what you're doing You know what you're doing exactly and but then at the other hand, you know, I grew up on weights I grew up on a straight bar. I don't know nothing about an easy curl bar I don't know nothing about an isopress machine. I know front. I know bench close grip Behind the neck front of the neck bent over row one arm pulls You take the bar and you stick on the corn any Puerto Rico You take the thing and you put in the middle and you can make your own tea bar right at the house I know all these people I had friends that make kettlebell my kettle hell. Yeah, pull machines pull down

So at what age do you say, you know what? I don't really want to do a conventional fucking workout no more I don't have four days. I don't have time to do My chest my shoulders, you know, because it's a pull routine, right? So pushes chest shoulders and squat and then pull is It's all like Jenner's no curls Well, just really I mean if you do like traditional body body Bodybuilding style training then you they do like split routines and they'll do chest and back one day, right? But I mean you can do it mix it up any way you want really there's no really set way

It's just really how you prefer to do it. You know chest back and triceps and then some then they'll do maybe Legs and back shoulders traps Yeah, how are we gonna show the traps and fucking biceps some people like to train like that But now six days, but then you get a kettlebell. That's more functional So I do ten sets of fucking swings in ten minutes and I've worked Basically every muscle group in my fucking body. You worked a lot. Yeah, but you got a lot like still with the with the kettlebell One of my principles that I try to teach is that I tried it we try to push pull hinge squat lunch and

And and all the workouts because those are the movements that we do the most and that's fucking burpee cocksucker Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's ways you can modify. I have like a ton of different burpee variations Listen, you can make a burpee a hundred different ways When I came out of prison, I did so many burpees in prison Well, I'm at the Joe Neyman football camp is where I discovered the burpee in the karaoke Where you have to move with your other side ways like that before you did anything at Joe Neyman football camp I was talking to somebody out there about camps He had gone to I think Michael Jordan basketball camp

We were talking about camps. I said dog. I went to Willis Reed basketball camp. I went to a bunch of camps I went to offense defense football camp. That's Jack Lambert and Jack Ham. Are you kidding me? If you wanted to be a linebacker, there was a fucking camp that taught you how to be not only a lineback about how to kill people Yeah From that position, I went to five-star basketball camp at the best camp I ever went to my life was Joe Neyman football camp and the reason behind it was that It just wasn't for quarterbacks like a lot of quarterbacks went up there, but it was I Like that they did something that I'd never done before

Soon as you got to Joe Neyman football camp you went to your room You know you picked up your package you went to your fucking dorm you put your thing down and you immediately went to your age group Whatever your age group or what group they were gonna put you in you know eight to nine nine to 13 13 to 16 I think I went when I was like in the seventh grade the first time The second time I got left back. That's why I said the first time and I went from the recommendation of a friend of mine Chuck McBree and the first they did it at five Joe named it football camp was

After you put your fucking clothes down. There was no food. There was nothing They made you report to a circle and you had they tested you on the 40. That's the first you did Sunday morning fucking you get that nine o'clock first thing you do the 40. Bam. No stretch. No nothing 40 ready boom Boom boom. They give you two shots So you did it you got to the front back of the line and you did it again They and they took the best speed and you didn't know why but from Monday morning to Saturday when you left at 7 a.m. You got up at like 645 no breakfast no nothing and at 7 a.m. You reported to a field

That's how ahead of the game they were And he'd make you do karaoke's uh-huh burpees and then they'd make you do 10 20 30 40 or 50 yard five of each guys. How old are you 12? Jesus Christ But this is what you do. This is what you do as a kid. This is how you learn to I've done football conditioning, man It's no joke, but I thought they didn't let you they didn't let you run sprints What they made you do was move your hands to touch your head and they want you to kick your legs out Kicking you know, all right that is guys No sprints do not fucking see me sprinting because you'll do 25 push-ups in this heat

And you had to do them with a helmet on no showed the pads a helmet No pads just a helmet and you had to get like a position go boom and you had to start But he made you like this with your hands go back and forth right now I'm going all the way down to my sides whatever leg was extended. It's the opposite hand But he wanted your foot to be pointed That was it and then you went right to the dorm and you ate whatever the fuck you wanted to eat French toast cereal apples peaches Whatever and then Friday, they took you back before you got in the bus and they said let's do your 40 again And you did your 40 again. Do you know that 99% of the people broke their time from Sunday?

Just a week. Yeah, just stretching like when I saw the Agostino's girlfriend before she before they got married I saw her run one day and I had a stop Professor I had to stop what I was doing and Watch her run because her running the form was perfect. I had not seen that in years I had a friend who ran marathons. I used to watch him run Hudson County Park And I was a kid and his form was breathless like when you see somebody running That's why when you run you can't run you like remember when Bert ran the 26 mile, right? I took my hat off to him

I didn't torture him like the other guys that made fun of him or anything What pissed me off is that he didn't go to a coach Because just three seconds with a coach just to teach you little thing I think if I come to you and go professor, I got two weeks to fight John Wick You know saying I got two weeks. What do what what is the move? We got three moves We got a pastor God. I got a break his arm and that's it. We got three weeks to fight John Wick. I Don't know any jiu-jitsu Do you know I'm saying yeah, I mean merit the take on a marathon without

Training or anything he didn't train some fucking heart. He told me the other day that it took him on his body a month Yeah, I believe it his body. It took him. He was in pain. That's hardcore man. He was in pain. He couldn't sleep He had different problems. He had probably everything everything that you know at the 14 mile mark He says people stopped four on the park. Oh, I 16 miles just people shitting at me I did a 10k once and that shit was fucking hard. How long is it 10? Six miles I think six point six miles And I was kind of training for it my friends that were stationed in Fort Bragg They wanted to do it then they decided they weren't gonna do it

So I stopped training and then the last minute they decided to do it again and we did it anyway after a night of drinking That shit was fucking the next day I was toast man You incorporate running now. I do I do hiking because like I see you hike with my dog So like I'll do like not a full-on sprint uphill But I'll do like 30 second one-minute intervals of just one I kind of run at a brisk pace but not full-on because of my um knee You see yeah, he directed that right to you too, man. He like he projected that

He's a clean. He's a clean. He's got those fucking like those fish those cheese Yeah, you have to you have to get them in your class. So to lose the weight quicker This is just a beating fish. He doesn't stop eating fish. I'm gonna end up passed out here one day Chewie and sea bass Bro, it's weight watchers. We watchers Can we talk about adding some points to these fish options because he's using it for the free points? No If I told you you can eat bananas all day and not gain up on what you need You can eat bananas all day if you drink the banana you're gonna fucking gain a lot of weight

But if you eat the banana, you'd be fine. You can eat 10 bananas and be fine and just pop little farts like that Brought sat in the software. I took the six four. I took the 740 a.m This morning and I took a dump before I got on the plane You know I'm trying to be out for the night before ice and I sat next to this lady on the place It was a little chubby cute and there was a skinny girl that was in the window The whole plane was back. It was just me and the skinny chick in the fucking back of the plane Because when you get the burp back you get the board from the bank of the plane Uh-huh, so this girl's like got long legs and she's sitting there like you know, she got them

I don't give a fuck. I put my earphones on but 20 minutes in route. I blasted one of these Oh my god, it was warm and they all started staring at the chubby chick Cuz I play it cool I play it like I don't even smell it. You passed a buck. Oh my god. I blasted three of them She knew people were looking at it. She could feel the eyeballs of people looking at it. Poor soul. Oh my god She was very sweet. We talked at the end. I even said, oh, what did you smell it? Oh my god. That was awful I You probably eat seafood every night every day in Vegas. Oh, no, I hate turkey

Had to roast turkey. That's not turkey. No, I had an open turkey sandwich This is the reason why I go to the South Point. I can't lie to you Because I go back to my room 9 30 quarter to 10 and I get room service They bring me an open-faced turkey sandwich. You don't even America doesn't even know what those are anymore. Yeah It's to beat his white people food white bread with white meat turkey on top Yeah, got a little side of stuffing a little side of mashed potatoes. No, I know what the open-faced Containers a fucking cranberry sauce and fucking gravy on the side. I don't even I don't touch nothing else I just take a little bit of a gravy salt and pepper

And I just eat the fucking white bread the turkey like a sandwich only the mashed potatoes of the stuff That reminds me of a sandwich that I used to get at this place called lovebirds. It was like the Thanksgiving turkey sandwich I love it. That's so it was like Thanksgiving on the yeah with cranberry sauce and stuffing and oh my god I love to have a fucking love to but it's got to be perfect turkey like I went somewhere a couple months ago I ordered turkey tasted like it was fucking Thanksgiving. It was fucking June. They start turkey from fucking Thanksgiving Shit, I like my turkey fresh bitch fresh professor. How long have you how did you stumble upon cattle bells? What made you same thing? You just were like no like what happened was like This is when I owned a gym and saw in Highland Park and you know, we didn't know what the fuck we're doing man

And I had this business partner Bill And he was a good business partner He was always trying to figure out different things to do and he was like hey Why don't we get a kettlebell instructor and then I was like, I was like, you know, I've heard good things about it I heard it's good for martial arts, but I have no idea what to do. So I was like, yeah, let's check it out. Let's try it You know, so then we uh, he did the research and he found a certified instructor He started teaching he taught like the basics, you know and

Like you know back then nobody really did anything outside of the basics really like nobody really did anything and I was like man, I really like this kettlebell stuff But they just do the same shit over and over and over and people weren't coming to the boot camp anymore You know my back was jacked up and then after a while It's like, you know what man like I started that's when I started experimenting actually man like When I first started developing kettle just see I was sitting in the back I used to live in the back of my gym man. What a fucking nightmare With my crazy ass dog and girlfriend too. Oh my god

Anyway, I was I was stoned and then I was like, you know what I think you could I bet you could do jiu-jitsu moves with the kettlebell So I just would open my door jump on the mat grab a kettlebell and I started doing like hip escapes and rocking chairs Like I was like wow and then that's when I just opened up Pandora's box I just started experimenting started developing all kinds of other shit, you know Swings from a fighting stance throwing punches with kettlebells kettlebell flows all that stuff, you know like nobody had ever really done that before and Then I stumbled upon a guy named Mark Degrasse He's the one who actually started the on it on an academy and he was he had a website

Who's selling some kettlebells and he has pretty cool videos? He was thinking outside of the box, but not like me, but I liked what he was doing So I went there to buy some kettlebells and to network, you know, so I got the kettlebells I'll say hey man I want to show you this stuff that I've been developing called kettle jitsu just to see what you think, you know And I started doing some flows and and stuff and he's this was like He's like hey, man Can I film this and he started filming it and then he was like dude, we need to do a DVD and

Then I was like really you want to do a deep? I was like cool man So that's that's when it when it all started after I did that first DVD It's sold in like 30 countries worldwide and some people embrace it and was like cool Finally something new with the kettlebell and those the traditionalists were like, man, you're not supposed to do that with the kettlebell You're gonna hurt people blah blah blah blah blah blah and then Like I had I was like kind of new to the fitness industry So I didn't know how things work, but since people were buying the DVD people started asking to get certified by it And I was like what are you like my business partner mark was like, yeah, man people are gonna want to get certified

I was like wow, that's crazy So I started having certifications and people flying out from around the world to come out and get certified and Flying me to like Italy and stuff like that, which is freaking dope man. I mean, it's pretty cool, man It's very it's humbling and flattering. Now if your workout is how along how much how much time is involved with kettlebells? Like this is what do we do? And that's that's a misconception people don't realize that like with me Body weight and kettlebell are equal like you should I really feel like you should master your body It's your body, you know, that's what martial arts is is mastery of your body, you know, martial arts It is movement, you know, so you should know how to do

Forward and backward rolls and burpees and all kinds of stuff like that, you know to establish that mind-body connection, you know plus The way I teach it's imperative to warm up with the body weight only with no resistance at all Get your joints ready get your core firing everything before you pick up that kettlebell and start swinging it around That way it prevents injury So in my classes, we do 30 minutes of body weight 30 minutes of kettlebell an hour of kettlebell would be fucking rude Yeah, it would be fucking real. So the thing is we start off with mobility Then we do a little core work Then we do an ad workout then we do a body weight workout and then it's time for the kettlebell warm-up

And do we do a kettlebell warm-up? We do intervals and then we'll turn it into maybe a flow or a pyramid for the end of the workout So when I watch you on Facebook live, that's the end of the class is to Last bit of the class right there most of the time if it's the body weight That's like probably like our main body weight workout and if you see the kettlebell work I that's probably like the last two minutes of the how many days a week do you go live at 5 30 with the kettlebell thing It's Monday Wednesday Friday at 5 30 a.m. So that's like usually I'll post like that workout right after that And then I teach in the evenings and on Saturdays as well

Well, I came from Cuba the biggest thing was in the morning was that fucking dude that just died. What's to do then? invent the blender. What's the inventor blender? Well, he made a blender to that he became fucking rich off He just died a couple years ago. It was 90. He kept the whole country fit in the 50s He would come on at nine in the morning and you did jumping jack jack Lillain jack Lillain. Yeah jack Lillain was a fucking man What did he do? Didn't he did he own like into big He invented the juicer or something. He may have invented. He did. Yeah

Yeah, because I remember like he used to do the commercials but jack Lillain Jack Lillain was a way ahead of his time. It's his juicer. There's a juicer. Yeah. Yeah. He was awesome, man He was fucking but I remember coming from Cuba and then black and white in the morning I don't know what my mom used to work at jack Lillain. She said she's to work I mean train at jack Lillain's gym over here. My mommy said tell me that jack Lillain health spot Yeah, that's that came out later on but when I first started watching jack Lillain I was nine and one And I remember like after about a month. I would get up and do what he was doing

You know in those days, there wasn't no fucking kettle balls. He was doing this with his arm Yeah, yeah, but like the body weights that he was doing a lot of body weights. Yeah, he was a lot. He looked great He was awesome, man. He would wear like a tight little body suit and shit. Yeah, that little butt to jack Lillain body weights And he was old even then even then he was yeah, you know in 1966 gotta be 30 something He's probably like one of like the first like fitness stars You know I'm saying like he was a fitness star back then there were no fitness stars back then He was a pioneer man jack Lillain google him. He invaded he invented the juicer Like he was the first one I was putting carrots and

olives and fucking spinach and smart man, man and people use those Like dick Like when he was serving it right now, they figured out if you put lemon What was it if you had apple? Yeah, but that's either the part Now you have that know how to do the combinations and stuff like that. Yeah jack Lillain would just make carrot juice There was no ginger put some spinach. Yeah, like a pig ear in there and shit and drink it and fucking people buy Rye again there He used to tell me like a juice of ham or juice of doughnut

What the fuck what the fuck juice of doughnut The juice of some kale have you but let's can you imagine if you like make kale juice for people And we're pineapple or whatever concoction But you drew something that didn't know in there and people were like something in there is great You know like you put your sugar in that mother fucker. Yeah, we tossed in a glazed donut I can't believe there's no sugar in it I'm out of cube in the back. I'm putting sugar in there fucking with fucking tablespoons and they're sitting at home Like I'm not why am I not losing weight? I'm been working out. I've been eating all these juices

Yeah, that's fucking crazy if they cheat if they make it. I always think about that Like that's what you know weight watch is really They're not against you eating out But they're they want you to ask creepy questions at a restaurant. I wish I won't ask Creepy questions. Yeah, I got one ask away. Excuse me. I got it here. Excuse me. What do you what? How does the fish get fried? I hate eating out with people I'll pay the tab and leave place before we give me that tab for the foray steves. I'm out of here

This guy just embarrassed me to the fucking end Well, you know, they want you to ask creepy questions. I was it cooked in has a fry You know, yeah, do you know much fat isn't there if he puts butter Does it whipped or is it whatever I hate more than creepy people? That's that's fucking gentle I hate annoying waiters. Yeah, no, no, no because I'm only gonna spit my fucking food You know I'm saying I would if you tortured me and I was a waiter I'd spit your fucking food. Oh man. That's the word. I'd fling a snot. Yeah I'd fling a snot in your pork fried rice that you'd be eating and going this fucking ham is delicious

You'd be the fucking snot that would I swear to god. Yeah, that's they drive me crazy You know like little things which I don't so I just keep everything light, but it's weird like if you eat a piece of sea bass It's zero fucking points But I get that same sea bass that what's the fucking place in bird bank that I love And I was going in there for a long time and eating sea bass and going wow, this is great. Oh mornens No, what's the fucking chinese place? the chain

Oh, wait the p king p of chains p of chains. You know how many points the sea bass is at p of chains 21 30 39 for the day. They toss all kinds of butter in that. That's what I'm saying. That's why that's probably why it tastes so good Sugar and pork fried, you know, like we have a friend that went on no sugar diet And he lost tons of fucking weight. Yeah, I know I have a student that did that I hadn't seen it. It's amazing. It's the problem is There's sugar in everything professor. Yeah. Yeah, but you know like if you just cut out like sugary drinks I mean like in general dude, like it makes a huge difference, dude

You don't realize how much sugar you're eating, you know, I was talking to brand makes a huge difference I was talking to brand the guy who runs uh Sub-subconscious and he was saying he gets like a lot of Thai food But he even when he orders he has to ask them to put like no sugar on the sauce. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, some of those sauces and Thai food or yeah. Yeah, I can see that. That's crazy. Yeah in chinese food, too Yeah, hell yeah, they put some sugar in oh no no no all those all those. That's why you got to like watch Yeah, that's why I like that's what you're saying is like that they they don't really encourage you to eat out Whenever you you're on weight watching or eat or ask creepy questions

Like if you come to my restaurant and say don't put sugar in my time. Yeah, yeah, good I'll put more fucking sugar in there. You're fucked. I'll put sativa. What's that? What's that sugar that tastes like sugar with avia sativa? I'll put out stevia. Yeah, that you're fucked. No, I'm scared and that's what you know, it's it's It's your everything changes after 40 Like I had to go to doctor for the last three months. I've been living now I didn't know what it was. I thought I had stomach cancer guys. Oh man. I had to stop chewing nicotine. Um

I changed everything. I stopped eating weird stuff. I didn't know what it was. I even stopped edibles for a month Yeah, we were allowed like I talked to you about a month ago And then you said well the edibles I had to stop because of the appetite You can't listen. There's another dietitian that could deal with edibles There's self-control. There's no self-control dude. I do. I get they really crazy stoner munchies Not stoner munchies. See that's the difference. I could smoke pot for the pigeons come home And have an apple and I'm good. No, really? Yeah, I have two green apples. There's a different banana and I'm good, but Edibles when we eat those chiba chews was expired one we were eating last week

I went home one night. I think like 10 days ago and I just destroyed the house Like two sandwiches. Yeah, man cold cut. That's what this is. But this is after 20 minutes of eating healthy food Like I just don't go home and make a fucking salami sandwich I go home and have an apple Then I have another apple and I have a weight watch this 2.7 gram protein bar Then I have another one And then I drink a bunch of water and if after that I'm still having a hard time then I just throw the towel

I go, what am I gonna do? I can't control myself. I gotta eat this till the end. I gotta go deep and that's what I do But I couldn't I couldn't control the edible Munchie at night and every minute after 11 o'clock like we'd sit here Like let's say we get high at 7 30 the podcast ends at 10 We sit here talking to 11 and the whole time I'm thinking about what I'm gonna eat I don't have the balls to go to denny's at night That's the only thing that saves me. I won't go to denny's. I won't go to 7 11. I won't eat chips I don't do nothing like that if I do. Oh, you know what else are we I have a

Before I bail I have a protein shake. Yeah I have a protein shake. I'll have a coconut. What protein shake you run the blender like two in the world Oh, I don't give a frenchman's fuck. They can't hear it the key to beat the star munchies is just don't keep anything bad in your Your your pad, you know, well, then you then you leave the house, but then you leave the house That's what I don't remember after a edible. I have to remember one thing dog at all I live 100 yards From one of the worst places in the world for me For me, it would be destructive and one day me and lee went in there and one in the morning

We killed it with our gay friend eric. Yeah After the comedy store and we killed it. What places it's yum yum don't oh my god 24 hours and then mexicans which means they look at you. They don't give you food by the ounce. They look at you and go So I remember how you go in there and get a bagel sandwich Get a coconut fucking on ice right which is a thousand calories alone Oh my god And then get two donuts and sit there and then get a cup of coffee and sit there fucking write jokes But i'm always scared that somebody's gonna come off the one-on-one and rob the joint. I'm gonna be in there

That's why I don't go in there later man. Like fucking denny's Why would they rob me? I'm here. Do you do you do you know the mind of an addict? They're not gonna rob anything. They're not gonna rob anything the one-on-one. They robbed the donut shut across street from the gym one day I got 5 30 in the morning. We heard we heard some ruckus over there and later on we they held uh The place up at gunpoint later on we're like oh all those places late night now I don't like I would never want to be at that denny's when the shit goes off one night And it's gonna go off. No go to that denny's at one in the morning And that's some crazy shit over that denny's right there like some pulp fiction shit when the it's crazy shit over there

And it gets crazy. Listen when I moved to no hole when I moved up here There were hookers on Like a shaman night pure straight-up hookers. He got it. He got attacked by one one night. Yeah I kept thinking they're going bro. You got attacked by a uh prostitute She she hang out but we it's a long story. She had bandages on her head. She was in front of the car. She had bandages on Oh my god, they just let her loose from the fucking and say the sound of the hysterical He abandoned me just like he did at the blackjack table It was really weird. I'm

You know I've been going out My mom had a bar grown up. So I've been out since I was a kid. I used to go on then I didn't have a curfew You know something my wife does that I'm sick of going out at night Like I really am at this age. Like I'm sick of it. I have a kid. I'm sick of it. You know I was giving birth pressure right home one day and he goes, you know, my oldest daughter Always asked me daddy you going out. He goes, yeah, I'm going out I'm but I'm just going to do a set

And I'm coming right home and that the older daughter goes. No, no, no. What am I just staying home? And you know what that's what like for a long time. I was at war with myself professor I have to go out at night And now I can't do it. No, yeah, I can't do it tomorrow. I got a meeting at eight tomorrow. My day does not stop 8 10 32 I think I got a four and I got a six 30 tomorrow night tomorrow. It never fucking ends You got a long day tomorrow's a long fucking day tomorrow and it's all white people and talking and and you know Pitches and fucking all it starts tomorrow. Like whatever I've gone through all year is nothing till now

Then Wednesday, I gotta go back down every three to Wilshire Boulevard. I got a hell of a fucking week this week, you know I can't I can't do that no more like I used to like eight tomorrow my first meeting is at eight I'm over that shit too, man. I'm almost I'm pushing 50 man So like I don't like going out and hanging out in bars and shit like that No, and then the next day I have to teach class. Fuck that. It's so weird how for years I remember when I was younger people would say you're gonna see that your nights are gonna get Oh, uh If I stay out till two now

And get up at eight the next day. I'm fucked your whole week. You're fucked. Yeah, never mind having a drink Like never I don't know how people go out during the week and have like four fucking drinks I can't do that. That's great. Like you can get dirty. No, dude. I are you fucking crazy crazy I could but I haven't drank in a while and I drank on Friday night. I was a few convicts. I had two drinks and I ubered on purpose But I like the next morning. I felt like a little like I was almost sick a little bit Like I had two other kind of strong drinks, but you better get it together 29 At 29 I was drinking a fucking bar Jesus and leaving empty bottles everywhere. I don't like drinking. I've never liked it. Well, what do you like?

I don't like I don't like You like smoking weed and eating uh, yeah, that's a fish. I eat too much Have you ever woken up? So like let's say you go home, right? You eat and you go to bed. Have you ever woken up like four or five and made like a little snack in the room back to bed? Oh my god, yeah, no, I got up in the middle of the night. I went I went to get a glass of water And my friend left a lobster She left a lobster What's that sandwich they made downstairs at the stop point

Lobster love love love roll. Yeah, no lobster grilled cheese. Oh my god I got up at five in the morning to get water and I opened up. I go. Oh my god. What is that? I saw a lot I took that piece of bread off and just ate the lobster meat like a savage that I am And threw the bread and the cheese away where right back to that with lobster bread I woke up that sleep apnea mask. It's not like fucking lobster shit. I don't like it down with fucking ambisole. Oh my god my god I usually brush my teeth and glisterine and then go to bed. I got up in the middle of the night

I went to get water and I was still stoned Yeah, like sometimes from the edible you get up in the middle of the night. Oh my god I jacked dude. You fucked me up with some shit. You gave me one time man. Oh, yeah like only one time Like well, I learned my lesson because he like I think it was on Christmas or something He was like Merry Christmas professor and he has me up fucking envelope full of stars And I I never had I didn't I never ate one of those stars before I shouldn't I ate a full one And I woke up and I was still fucking high man. I was like what the fuck and I had I had to go teach class at 5 30

And then like later I was like, yo, what the fuck man, what's up with that fucking star? He's like, oh, I forgot to tell you just to eat half Let me tell you something. There's nothing was so strong man. Oh my god Nothing worse than waking up and still being alive. Oh man. It's crazy dude. I've never experienced that with the edible And I do whatever I do. I say we did like three times Well, like I like if I sleep then I wake up and I'm usually like good But I woke up and I was fucking there's three days a week that I wake up in the mornings And like look I catch myself just staring at the coffee

I have one of those nice ones like my wife when I've got a nice nice coffee machine. So there's no more drama I have no reason to lie to anybody There are mornings I get up I walked to the kitchen and I catch myself staring at the coffee machine It's 10 minutes. I get really stuck I get really stuck And then I put the coffee and I press it A lot of coffee is being made. Oh, so this was before you even start the coffee. You're just like looking at it

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't hear what I'm saying? I'm surprised you didn't wake up So like before you like start making the coffee you get stuck How high I get at night. How long does it take you to make a cup of coffee in the morning really? 15? It takes three minutes to push the button.

There's some mornings I get up and I just lay on the thing on the stove. And I just look at the coffee machine. I don't even know where to start. Like I don't even know where to start. I get right now. Like you people think that I'm a bit like, oh, Joe D is just tall and it's like,

Joe D is paced for that shit in the mornings. There's some mornings I wake up. You ever wake up on the road, you know where the fuck you are. You don't know what, you wake up, you feel like Martin Sheehan in the apocalypse now. When he woke up in the hotel room, he didn't know where he was, Saigon, Ducan. There's some mornings I wake up.

I don't know where the fuck I am. Oh my God, that's like some hangover shit. Like I wake up some mornings and I don't know if my schedule is till I look at it, even though I went over it before I went to bed. Like I get up some mornings and I'm out of it, professor. So I go into the kitchen.

The cat's in me out and I'm like, go away. I got to focus, I got to see what the fuck's going on. And then I look at the coffee machine for a little while. Right, and then I'll pop it in and I'll press the button and while it's coming out, I run to the bathroom when I pee. And I open up my computer and I press the button to get the computer going.

Then I run back into the kitchen and I push Stevia in the coffee and I stir it up real good like Cuban style, like I make it like Cuban style. And if I drink that first cup of coffee and I'm still at Mars, then I have another one. But if I don't, if that cup of coffee, that cup of coffee usually should deviate

to high from the night before. Then I wait a couple of minutes, I take another pee, maybe that pushes a piece of poop out of my muffler and that's when I smoke the first smoke. That's why, that's how I start my morning. Yeah, but if that coffee, if that two cups of coffee don't overcome the high, I don't get high. I wait, I wait it out and I know in my heart

whatever my plans are, I gotta include a workout in there tonight because the only one I'm gonna get this TAC out of my body is if I sweat it out and drink it out. So sometimes I say, fuck it, I don't have till 12 o'clock to do Jiu-Jitsu or nothing. I go in my yard and there's just something, kettlebells like an animal start hitting the bag

and I'll fucking smell it. Once I smell it, come on out of me. You smell the, the weed, how do you get more? Oh, I smell weed, Xanax, I can smell everything. The alcohol, the fucking, I smell everything coming out of my fucking anxiety medication. I don't even know if it's Xanax. I don't know what they give me.

Whatever the little white pills they give me, but I can smell like the top core use, you know, guys, come on, come on guys, let's be honest. How much fucking weed do we fucking? Dude, I was just telling Lee, I was like, I need a weed sponsorer because it's like a regular bill of mine now. It's not even the weed as what we were doing a year ago.

Like two years ago, Lee and I, like we got high on Monday and Wednesday on Thursday. Well, you guys eat a lot. You break a little fucking suit, not anymore. They're like, the first time I came on the show, I was just like, you guys were popping that shit like it was, I was listening to those podcasts. A lot of those podcasts, let me make sense.

They're entertaining and shit to a degree because there's nobody here that's whatever. Like nobody would be, if three people are high, what kind of conversation is that? That's not a fucking conversation. That's just a, you know, a giggle fest. But you got to figure it out. Whenever I go to a weed store,

like when I go to Sunset Herbal, every time I walk in Sunset Herbal, they throw me some type of animal, the latest, like something. Sunset what? Herbal, where I go, it was right over here around the corner. So whenever I go in there, the guy always pulled me aside and gone,

bro, try this, this is what's killing motherfucker. It's like, there's times you don't even have shit on the shelves that don't come out and go, hold on before you leave, I have something for you. And he'll give me something. Is the guy like Armenian or something? Yeah, and leave Tommy. Joey, I've never smoked weed like that.

I come in here with some shit. He gives me some shit that's rocket fuel. The One-Eyed Jews are Armenian? Did he give you that hash shit that we sold? No, no, that's the One-Eyed Jew. Look at the container, that's the One-Eyed Jew. Yeah, no names, you know what I'm saying? Just call it the One-Eyed Jew.

He don't want his name out there. All right. No names. Me that whole year guy, it's like the three monkeys. We don't know nothing, you know what I'm saying? One monkey covers his eyes, or monkey covers his ears, covers his nose. That's the official poster to turn to what's happening now.

Mira oye ikaya. You don't know nothing. I don't know nothing, I don't know. Some guy come, they drop it off. Don't you pay for it? Yeah, I don't know what I get. How much is it? I don't know, I don't know.

I like that, man, because you know, they don't really make hash anymore. No, that's a Swedish type. That's a fucking, that's something dipped in something, something, something, something. Yeah, you tell me it wasn't actually hash, but it reminds me of hash. Yeah, no, it's got that hashish taste to it.

No, no, it's very good. And the texture, the texture as well. That's good that you, at least, even does, do you do any CBD products? I do some CBD vapes and stuff like that. Does it help you? With all the calabal stuff in 47? For me, it relaxes me, you know?

But yeah, man, like, yeah, the thing is, is you have to know how to rest, too, man. And you know, like, I really got my personal diet on track as well, too. So like, I eat totally different now, man. I don't even eat any animal products anymore. So I'm just eating, like, plenty of stuff. When you say animal products, what do you mean, professor?

Anything that has anything from an animal, like milk, cheese, meat, none of that anymore. So what's your typical diet? So like, you know what I just- Hold on, hold on, hold on, what's that? I'm doing it. There you go. Oh, god damn it.

So rude. It's killing you, Lee. That, that, that chili and sea bass, right at you. That's the worst. It's the worst. Hey, dude, you're in for a, you're in for a hell of a week, this week, man. This is my birthday.

There'll be a lot of hazing going on over here. I'm gonna get a, I'm gonna get a key and get one of those walls. Like a fucking firewood through the center wall. So what's your typical breakfast? I don't, I don't eat, another thing- You go to that fucking gym and do those kettlebells and nothing in your stomach?

No, man. Like, I intermittent fast. That's another thing. I intermittent fast. That's another thing, man. It's like intermittent fast. Like Joe Rogan talks about it. I, I, cause it's like, when I wake up in the morning,

I have a shot, a shot of espresso. It makes me use a bathroom and I drink water with lemon. And man, it makes me feel full. But like, when you work out on an empty stomach like that, you burn a lot more fat as well. I'm bad at eating. It's one of those, it's one of those like slow creepers. Oh yeah.

Hold on, hold on. My shit is, my shit is this is whey protein, isn't it? That whey protein, I should have killed you. Whey protein makes for milk, and I don't even mix it with milk, with water. Oh. Oh my God. A couple of whey like that organic,

I get that organic pure protein that on it, that they just sent me the Mexican chocolate. It's clean, Bobby. That shit is clean, Bobby. I like their hemp, they're perfect. With some water. Fucking nice and some ice cubes, it's fucking perfect. So what's your bread?

All right, so now what do you eat for lunch? Open that door, Professor, if you don't mind before a lead dies. Just for two minutes. Because trust me, it's my fart, and I'm almost dying over here myself. It's tremendous. Yep.

So I probably have my first meal around noon, but like over this last like eight months that I've stopped eating animal produce, I've been kind of like learning how to cook and shit, you know, so I eat like a lot of beans, rice. I eat like a lot of vegan Mexican food, man, but I just don't mean. What do you put in the rice?

Do you eat brown rice or white rice? Like just like Mexican rice, you know, stuff like that. So what kind of Mexican, what do you put in the Mexican rice? Well, like. That's the fucking, you know, if you look on Weight Watch, it doesn't hit the worst thing.

That's fried rice. Like actually like the last month I've been not eating that many carbs though. So like my, like I'll have like a taco with like some soy meat, but I'll just make it like a taco. I'll put pico de gallo on it, like. So you're a vegan right now?

Pretty much, pretty much. Like I wasn't at first, like I cut out the meat, but the cheese, man, that shit fucking had a hold on me for a minute, you know? And then, but now so many companies are investing and then they're making better like vegan cheeses and stuff like that. So like they have all the stuff that I can cook with

to make like good, like good vegan food. What's a vegan cheese that you recommend? Um, let me see. Kite Hill, there's a company called Kite Hill. How do you spell it? Kite Hill? Kite Hill, yeah. They have like good like cream cheeses.

They also have like really good non-dairy yogurts and stuff like that. Oh my God. What do you mean like a, let's say you want to make a sandwich. Uh huh. Like let's say I want to make a. They even have like vegan deli meats and shit like that too,

man. They have just about anything you can possibly imagine. They fucking have it. Like a vegan. Well, Subway sandwich is vegan deli meat. That's like fucking. Oh man, that's some bad shit right there. Yeah, that's right.

Cause a lot of people don't realize like deli meats, processed meats, bacon, all that shit. That shit's like, like is literally labeled as a carcinogen by the World Health Organization and a bunch of other. I have cut down on it. Yeah. One of the things I have cut down on, but I can't believe that I cannot believe is bacon.

Yeah, yeah. That's good. I don't know what I mean. Like, you know, everything in moderation, but. Well, I don't mind. Like this week I had, I had a Friday from Friday. No, no, Saturday morning I had a breakfast. This morning I had a protein shake,

but Saturday I had breakfast in the room and I had two pieces of bacon. If they give me three, I don't need two. I'll eat two pieces cause it's four points. And I'm pretty good with that. So eggs are free. I can eat six eggs for breakfast. They're free Jack.

So eggs, eggs, with a tortilla, with salsa and black beans. I'm only paying for the fucking for the tortilla. The salsa. Yeah, beans man. I have a whole different appreciation for beans. Beans are delicious. Beans are good. But like beans that have like a shill of the protein,

plus they have like fiber and other vitamins and stuff in it. Like something that meat doesn't really have. Meat doesn't have fiber, but like, you know, we always look at beans as like a side dish, but man, like, you know, I've been doing all this research and stuff since I stopped eating meat. And there's like these blue zones

where people live the longest, you know, they have like five of them. And there's one in Costa Rica and Italy, Loma Linda, California, because the seventh day of Ventus, they don't eat meat. So there's like a lot of vegetarians and they live the longest out of anybody in the world. But all of them eat beans.

That's something they have in common. So they like, there's doctors that say like, if you eat a couple of beans a day, it'll extend your life by four years. Because they're just so good for you, man. You know, but we always look at them as like a side dish or something like that. But in Costa Rica, one of the blue zones,

these people, they live off of beans, rice and corn tortillas. But they just make it all themselves. And these people live to like over a hundred years old. What's a blue zone, Professor? Blue zone is this guy, Dan Retner, I think his name is, and in collaboration with the National Geographic, they studied all different regions all over the world to see where people live the longest, you know?

So they narrowed it down to blue zones because like they had a map and they narrowed it down. With a blue marker, they just marked all the places, you know? So they just started calling it the blue zones. So in these places, they have the highest concentration of Centenians. Centenians means people who live past a hundred. I thought it was Okinawa.

Okinawa is one of the blue zones. Okinawa is one of the blue zones. But because of their fish intake. Yeah, but now they're like, they used to be the number one, but what happened is, because Japanese has a big Western influence, now they're getting fast food in Okinawa. So they used to be the best,

but now Loma Linda is the number one place where the people live the longest. So those are the blue zones. There's a place, I think it's Sardinia, Italy, there's a place in Greece, Costa Rica, and Loma Linda, California. Let's get something out of the way. If I could eat black beans and rice, Cuban.

Yeah, me too. And fried bananas every day. That's a good meal, man. I would eat that every day. You could, yeah. I could live off of that. I could live alone. Three, four ounces of fried bananas is not bad for you.

No, it's not. It's just plantains. But what about, do they put meat in the beans? No, no. No, like Cuban black beans? No. Dude, Cuban black beans and rice and plantains is the shit. Fucking delicious.

With raw onions, you take an onion and you get the grater. Yeah. The fucking white rice and the black beans. We taste them. There's a place in Boulder that I dream of every day. They're not open on the board. It was called the Harvest Restaurant. It was just a vegan restaurant.

The only thing that they served, the only meat that they had was chicken. They had a certain type of chicken, but that was it. They had vegetarian gazpacho, they had, this is, I used to go there, my credit card. Like I was addicted to this restaurant. What did you get? My best breakfast ever.

They had, it was called Swiss granola. It was, not, in today's standards, a thousand calories. But it didn't matter. For me, it was way better than eating eggs for breakfast. And I used to be a runner then. I'd just come out of the jail. I'd just come out of prison. So I used to be in a halfway house.

I used to go to the harvest way before I went to the halfway house. Their tea, you know how people say to you, oh my God, caffeine. Listen, listen to me guys. I could drink a Red Bull and pass out. They had a tea professor, a regular tea that they gave you. Like when you went there, they said to you,

do you want the house tea or a Jasmine in those days? And we had, remember the Boulder is where, what's that big company, Celestial Seasonings. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The teas, the tea company came out of Boulder, dogs. Celestial Seasoning was in Boulder. They have a tea, look it up. It's called Lemon Something.

Still Celestial Seasonings has a tea and it's called, so Lemon Something. Guys, I was there. Lemon Zinger, oh my God, I was hooked. What was in it, was there a lot of caffeine in it? I don't know, at that time, I was into cocaine. I was into cocaine in hell. Cocaine's a hell of a drug.

In 80s, you know, after I got locked up, you don't remember what Boulder was in 84. It was the perfect match for me when I got there in 85. Boulder was a place that when you looked at activities, it didn't have like this, that it had like moonlight hikes. You know, the activity wasn't Boulder, getting together and fucking dancing till midnight. And zero caffeine?

Zero caffeine, no, no, no, no, the tea is delicious. Like I got addicted to the flavor at the time. But they had a house blend there, was the only tea professor. You ever take a Black Beauty? No, what is that? A Black Beauty is a diet pill in the 70s. It's what Liberace was giving Matt Damon in the 70s.

If you see that move with Matt Damon. Which one? What Liberace? It's a HBO movie, Michael Douglas plays Liberace, but in the 70s, the big thing to give you was Michael Douglas plays Liberace? Yeah, plays Liberace, he's fucking tremendous. What?

Is it good? Is it worth watching? Yes, it's worth watching, because Matt Damon sucks his dick. He talks a bit to suck on his dick and breaks your heart. You'll never watch Goodwill hunting the same. Or the Bourne Identity. Yeah, Bourne Identity, Jason Bourne sucking dick. It's the end of the fucking world, what's next?

That was part of his training. But Black Beauty's with these little black things that they gave you, doctors prescribing to you to get you on diets. Like they were, you know, exotrimmed. What's the shit when you're on a pharmacy now? Let me tell you something, you go to a pharmacy there. You buy the diet medication.

Those pills you take over the counter, that's just legal speed. Yeah, hell yeah, man, fuck that. But not on my day, they used to give you black beauties. We used to pop them and snort them. Oh my God. And you feel your eye move a twitch. When you snorted a black beauty, your eye would shift.

Oh my God. Like, oh my God. I would drink black beauties. I would eat black beauties and drink Zambuque. I was getting black beauties. Oh my God, I got fucked up with that at Chris Morgan's house. Drinking Zambuque with these guineas. What is that stuff?

It's like fucking Penta Machine X. It's like a La Cour. It's like a La Cour. You drink 20 bottles. It's a Greek La Cour. It's a La Cour. Yeah, Zambuque is like an Italian. It's like fucking, it doesn't get you drunk.

It's got a million fucking calories. It's just pure sugar. But I never forget one night drinking a bottle of that. We'd fucking eat those black beauties. I was sick for a fucking week. Oh my God, that sounds nasty. How do we get on black beauties anyway? I don't even know.

Oh, we're talking about the diet pills and all that shit. The diet pills are the original black beauties. I didn't know that. You never heard of that. And then they had blues or something. You know, I don't remember. I was not a diet in the fucking 70s. But in 79 and 80, I used to go to East Rouseburg, Pennsylvania

to get drugs. And one of my big sales was black beauties, these little speed pills. Because the wrestlers would use them to cut weight. Why would you snort them, though? You could snort them, you could eat them. Oh my God. We'd snort everything.

We'd snort it. I wasn't much of a snorter. Me either. You know what, you'd wait till you snort the next fight that comes out of my head. You'd be a fucking snorter. So you see, I could never do like those diet pills would make you jittery and shit.

But they were big in the 70s and 80s. People went off the deep end. You know, that's why it kills me when people like, well, the opioid problem. Let me tell you something. We've had a problem in this country since 1979 with drugs. This country was, what they thought was a problem

was never a problem. When the hippies were around, well, who were the hippies bothering? They were doing acid and they were smoking pot. They weren't bothering nobody. Acid don't make you rob. It's a dollar a hit. Two dollars a hit.

Acid don't make you rob. We got hit with an epidemic in 1979. You think they were protesting? No, shut the fuck up, protesting. We've been with an epidemic since 1979 that the addiction just keeps rolling off into other things. Oh yeah, man. People get sick.

They get sick on all kinds of shit. No, no, the first epidemic that we got killed was a drug named cocaine. And then it's never stops instead. It's either MDMA, we're always reinventing that crack that heroin came back after 9-11. And now the opioid problem is back. It's never fucking stopped.

Like, you know, my friend, one of my tightest friends in the world, his kid is in a rehab for the ninth time. He's 20 years old. And my friend calls me and he's like, you know, we had the same problems when we were 20. We was just coke. We just didn't even know it. We didn't know it that we were gonna fall

into this fucking crisis. There's been a crisis in this country for 30, 40 fucking years. 40 fucking years has been a crisis in this fucking comfort country. There's no war on drugs. That's propaganda for white people to buy into. There hasn't been a war on drugs here since fucking 1982 when the government realized how much money there was

in cocaine. That was the end of the war on drugs, where it went well. How much is that little chubby Mexican with the belt buckle making? He's in Forbes magazine. He's a little chubby Mexican dude with a belt buckle that fucking has a horse in his little room. He has a horse in his little room.

You know, he ran out of heat one night so he burnt a million dollars cash. I don't burn the $20 bill. My wife could die of fucking freezing before I burned a 20. And this guy a little million dollars on fucking fire. That's when the epidemic fucking started in this country. There's no opioid epidemic.

This is the same epidemic of addiction that has been rolling over in this country for the last 40 fucking years. Yeah, I remember. Where's Tony better that, Doc Circuit? Get me on fire up on a Monday morning. I wanna be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart.

Some, somebody, twice as smart as I am. Read the whole fucking thing. Don't even look at me till you read it. That's why I'm angry. I'm not mad at you, Tony. No, nobody. Read that fucking thing.

Once you read it, you're gonna get mad. I heard about it. Read it. As you used to do with me. Don't look at me again, Lee. Read it. I'm trying not to miss you doing this, Lee. That misery loves company.

Wait and see. I mean, I wanna be around to see how he does it. When he breaks your heart to bits. I wanna give some shout outs real quick. Number one, I had a really fucking great time in Vegas. And I wanna thank Serena and Tony. They came down.

They brought me music, which you're gonna install. They brought a present for my daughter. I mean, they were just great people in Vegas this weekend. Frederick Bach, Bacham, you know, Randy Valarba, Christina Weeks, Ms. Fizzle, Nancy Jimenez, Adrian Roy Val, Evan Patrick, Ronnie B, Richard Hernandez, and disposable alien brains. I love all you motherfuckers.

You know what I'm saying? You know, I love you guys with all my heart. You guys come to the shows and you're like, you know what, man, you helped me a lot. Guess what? You guys keep me in fucking check. You guys make me a better fucking man. So I thank you guys.

Don't forget, Utah is sold out. We added an extra show on Thursday night in Salt Lake City and Wise Guys, but there's a few tickets left. So if you don't jump on them now, they're gonna be gone. Don't come here. I'm not adding another show.

I'm too old to do fucking six shows, cuckucka. And then we got fucking the Kansas City improv, bitch. August 9th through the 11th, sharpen your fucking dicks. Uncle Joey's coming straight up. Humidity. I don't give a fuck. You know, you're, how old were you when Bruce Lee died?

Do you remember anything about Bruce Lee? I think he was already dead by the time I realized who he was. It's so funny. When Bruce Lee died, the first thing that happened. When did he die? Bruce Lee died July of 73. We should be coming up on his anniversary. I was like two years old.

His anniversary should be maybe Wednesday. If I'm correct. What is Bruce Lee's date of birth? Date of death. God bless us so. Yeah. He was the man, the godfather of MMA. Oh, he died on my birthday July 20th.

There you go. You fucking kiss a death. 15 years before I was born. Still, still. See, you were born on Bruce Lee's birthday. That should make you identify some, but it's crazy. If you look, Enter the Dragon was released like seven days before he died. See what the release date of Enter the Dragon is.

This is the creepy shit about this. Like he, Enter the Dragon came out and he died either a week before or a week after. I didn't know that. And it would have not been in America because they're saying America got released on the 19th of August, like a month later. And what about, no, I think it was a little earlier. But this movie, he died. That's what gave the movie even more popularity. Like once he died, the movie was in the movie theaters.

And they just fucking, they went just fucking nuts naturally, you know. But it's crazy when Bruce Lee first died. Like I went to Chinatown, I bought everything I could, you know. I got the tower, Jeet Kune Do, I read everything. And I was really sold on it. But then something really weird happened, Professor. People started bowgarten shit. People would have like one scene of Bruce Lee throwing a kick.

And they'd get another guy and put a black suit on him and surround that whole movie with Bruce Lee with three E's or Eli. Or Bruce with B-R-O-O-S-E. It was fucking non-stop. I felt so bad after a while. I couldn't watch anything anymore. I think Game of Death is one of the worst pieces of shit that's ever been made in my life, ever. And you know what, it wasn't to be released. It just was not to be released.

If you had gone to Bruce Lee and said, Bruce, should we release this? He would have gone, nah, just give it to my kids. Let them see what I was doing with Karim Abdul-Jabbar and Danny Anasanto. He's got a lot of great cast in that movie. But the way they put it together at the end, it's just god-awful. Yeah, it's pretty bad. God-awful. And then I'm going to tell you what's even worse.

Game of Death 2, 3, 4, 5. They started, you know, who sold those? It's milkiness. Like, I want to know two Chinese guys in the room. We got a great idea. They milk everything, man. And they milked it. And then you could tell in the books.

The other day, Bob Lillinger sent me a book that is just phenomenal on Bruce Lee. And it's like, how many books have they written about this guy in 40 years? We're going on him being dead, Bob. How long now? 73, 83, 93, 2003, 2013. We're talking about this guy's been dead 45 fucking years, man. And they're still coming out with shit. I was 10 when he died.

That's why he, it just destroyed my inside. But I still remember those, that year and a half later, of what, like, his real fans were going through. Like, people were going through. We were just getting suckered. It's like when I see, you know... Yeah, because they wanted to find the next Bruce Lee. And I'm not putting nobody down here.

I'm just telling you how I come like this. Really, two weeks ago, you re-released Appetite for Destruction. And we'll do that. Like, how many fucking Beatles albums have they re-released? A remastered, digitally remastered album. What'd you add to it? A fucking tuba? We're just idiots.

We just keep re-buying the shit. Well, nothing bothers me more when we take a dead person, that it's not his voice, and the family has money, but they do stupid things to really slap a fan in the fucking face. Right now, the Ralphie Mays shit's starting to come out. Like, you know, they're trying to sell his jacket for $50,000 and all this shit. And it infuriates me. It burns my fucking core. So now they release like some fucking, you know, like some, what do you call those things

when you don't put the fucking name down and they donate money and you... Indiegogo. Indiegogo. What's the other one? GoFundMe. GoFundMe. GoFundMe for like a special Ralphie May that some chick taped, like follow him around. When Ralphie was in his worst, you know, Ralphie struggled with a lot of fucking things at the end.

He struggled with a lot of them demons. He struggled with his divorce. He struggled with just fucking, you know, what comes with this bullshit? You know, people think that you go to these clubs and people love you and the whole thing, but there's a complete different side of this. You know, there's a political side of it and this shit you got to deal with in your office and you don't know about, about that they paid the agent to deposit and now the chick that they were going to give you is a different amount.

You don't know all the aggravations that go with it. So it's just a combination of things, but it's just so weird that they released a book on Ralphie May that he, he barely fucking, you know what I'm saying? Like they just took it and just to make money. Like, so as like a brother and a fan to Ralphie May, you know, last week we had the, when I taped the thing for Netflix, we took Uki down. I tried to honor him by taking Uki down. He promised her Vegas for a weekend and I promised that we went, we had a great time with Uki.

And I'm going to take the kid and the daughter and maybe put some type of account together and put like a dollar in there every month. I don't fucking know how I'm going to work this. Just so when they get to be 18, I could give them something back like the father helped me. You know, the father gave me that fucking stand. The father gave me a thousand dollars 10 times the way I give you a joint. You know what I'm saying? I don't know how many times Ralphie gave me money without even asking.

You ever been broken? You want to ask somebody for money for 20 bucks and they give you money before you even ask them like that. I can't put this in your pocket. You're like, fuck. Thank God I didn't have to ask you. And he would never go to Joey Alvarado and go, I just gave him 100 bucks to fucking miss it all. He wouldn't do that.

He gave it to you because he wanted to give it to you from fucking his heart. You know what I'm saying? Like he didn't give it to you and then bragged to people. I fed Joey for a month, none of that. What? Don't feed Joey if you're going to tell people. Just feed him. Just feed his fucking friend, you know?

So it's just so weird that you get these emails of people trying to explore one of your friends. Yeah. And now it takes me back to like when I was a kid now, I felt about like Bruce Lee, you know? Like they just, they just fucked me in the ass. I would pay for these pictures. They wouldn't even be Bruce Lee.

It would be somebody else sent from China. It was a rip off. Right. They just ripped off people. You ever see that movie? They call me Bruce. Oh my God. I haven't seen it in years.

That's a good movie though. That's a good fucking movie. That's a fucking hilarious movie. That's a hilarious fucking movie. That's nuts. And you know, like some spoove, some Bruce Lee stuff was, oh, once they started coming out with the cat noises and shit, that would fucking piss me the fuck off. The one dude didn't bother me.

There was one Bruce Lee lookalike that came out. His name was Karate the Hong Kong cat. I've never heard of that. He had new chucks, but he did something different to his new chucks. He put fucking copper piping on his new chucks on the bottom. Jesus. So when you hit somebody, so you ever go to a hardware store and you just add for copper piping and you weld it onto a pipe, you would just fucking crazy glue it to the bottom of

fucking octagon new chuck or just a broom handle. Oh, everybody in those days was walking around with bumps in the back of their head and black and blues on their elbows because that's what you did when you first started new chucks. That's all you did. This move here always, that new chuck came up and hit you in the face. Oh man, I fucked around with those. Fuck yeah. Everybody fucked around with new chucks.

So why did he add metal to his? That seems dangerous. Because he wanted to fuck you up when he hit you with. You know what I'm saying? So talk to me about the certification. What do they do next Saturday? They go in there at what time? It's going to start at seven in the morning, Saturday morning.

And you feed them and everything? I'm going to get them some Masai for sure. Okay. So it'll last from seven in the morning to probably about five in the afternoon on both days. And you cover, you do it. That's a lot of fucking material. It's a lot of material to cover, man, you know, because I want people to feel like they're

able to teach it, you know, afterwards. So, I mean, I make it really simple. I have a simple formula. I use simple protocols to teach, you know, and if you follow those protocols, it's really simple. This is about remembering the names of the exercises and me teaching them how to do it properly and safely and whatnot, you know? It is a lot of information though.

That's part of the challenge, you know? You got to study for it and then it's two days of like almost 16 hours of training, you know? How do they study for it? You set up a pamphlet? Yeah. So like once you register, I'll send you some study material, some videos and some documents that you can go over just to look at the routines.

Because I give them like a list of all the routines that they have to know and all the exercises, you know? They study it. So like most of the time, the people that do it, they have experience doing it already, you know? They've been doing it for a little while, so they do, you know, it runs really smoothly. But yeah, it's a lot of material, but part of it is like, it's like a challenge, you know, to like two days of kettlebell and bodyweight training.

It's pretty brutal, man. So it's going to test your will a little bit as well, you know? But that's part of the fun too, you know? It's like doing like a Spartan race or something like that, you know? Intense, like physical activity like that, you know? So yeah. So my goal is just for people to be able to feel comfortable teaching it afterwards. That's my goal.

It's really weird how you turned me on to the Turkish get-up. I love the Turkish get-up. I love the Turkish get-up. I love it too, man, but I do it differently. Well, I think the Turkish get-up, honestly, with a kettlebell is one of the best exercises. I agree, man. It's an awesome exercise. I love it.

It's a warm-up. Sometimes if I just want to warm-up. You can do that. Bodyweight Turkish get-up? Yeah. Bodyweight. No weight. Absolutely.

You do five on each side. There's no stopping, you know what I'm saying? This is tremendous today. You see how he reached in there? It's in Vegas. It's called Viva Las Vegas. It's Vegas. You're getting the effects of those buffets right now, man.

No, I don't do buffets. Oh, you don't do buffets? No. Fuck those buffets. I don't do that shit. I don't do buffets. Especially now. I'm in Vegas and I paid the price for it on the way back.

Oh, you see fingernails and shit legos in there with his girlfriend. They drive to Vegas to go to a buffet. But you don't want to smell my ass. Look at them. They'll eat buffet food with the waiters. They bite the bread and put it back. You've never eaten buffet food. You've probably eaten more buffet food than the other of us.

Dog, I swear to God, if I've eaten at a buffet four times, it's been a lot in my 55 years. No. I thought it was disgusting. We're about all those times in Vegas when you were broke. I didn't even go downstairs. I had Joe Rogan. You're fucking crazy. You're on the road with Joe Rogan, dog.

One time at the Riv when they had the dirty show at the Riv. The dirty show? They used to have a dirty show at the Riv at midnight on Friday. But it was dirty. You could go up there and take your dick out and jump up and down and go for on people. It was an hour show. Midnight show, 12 to 12.15, the opener. 12.15 to, you know, like one o'clock through the headliner.

And Rogan took me one time. And the guy gave me the key to the employee cafeteria. And I was broke as fuck. And I went down and I looked at that food and it was fucking disgusting. I think all I could eat was like a cheese sandwich. That's it. And I drank a free soda. You ever see that show Bar Rescue?

Yes. He goes in those restaurants and it's fucking nasty. It's fucking nasty. You have to really trust people. Fuck. These restaurants around here. This dude, he is the king. I'm going into the fucking discussion.

Well, did you guys see that video of that Asian woman catching those birds and putting them in a plastic bag? She got arrested for cooking them? Yeah. What do you think? Those dumplings you eat? Remember I told you those dumplings? I know.

I can't get dumplings anymore. You've ruined them for me. I didn't ruin them. I tried to tell you not to go down there. Well, then why did you have to tell me about it? Because of course, but Dane went down here, but Dane killed himself. So those fucking things don't look too good no more, do they? It's right or wrong.

It's tough to sell those fucking kumchi fucking cat fiddles now after what Dane ate them in shit. I wouldn't go down there and eat one of those fucking things if you paid me. You god knows what's in that ball of meat. Oh, fuck that dude. That's what I don't like. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This guy was good.

I don't give a fuck what Dane, Paula likes. I don't give a fuck what she likes. I like that. And then he took his father's place around the corner. They're filthy Mexican people over there. The first time I moved up here, I went to the wine. I just mentioned it, the wine. This is great.

You can lift weights and go around the corner. It was like I said fucking the n-word. The whole place looked at me like, don't go in there. They served like a jaguar in there like four years ago to somebody and they got sick. So this poor bastard. What do you mean they sold it? They said like they was fake meat. Oh man.

And one day what I didn't know and this guy comes up and says that place is great and that's what I knew. First of all, it's not great, but second of all, they didn't do that. That would be, they have the internet now. There's no. You could pay the taste shit off. No, you can't do that. Yes, you can.

Yelp. You could pay to get their favor. Yelp, but not news articles like, hey, they moved to Jaguar. Go look for my fucking kidnapping. Go look for the news article when I kidnap those. If you can find it, you can't find it. It wasn't in the 19 whatever it was in 2000. It doesn't matter.

Shit disappears. Who are you going to believe? Some fucking article of 20 people at the YMZ. What are these 20 people? They probably start the Y work in there. I just don't like them because they put less. You can just tell. You can just, you know how I can tell little things.

When I look at your glass and I see fingerprints on your glass to enter your place. That means you're a filthy fucking animal. And the people that are working for your filthy fucking animals because they have no initiative. I see 20 pieces of fucking fingertips on your fucking restaurant glass. I don't go in there. Oh, no. That's a hostess's job to wipe that fingerprint. Hell yeah, man.

Like you never. They're little things that you just go. From that show, you learn, man, like, man, they have to do a lot of cleaning a lot to have a restaurant. A lot. They have to be clean. Bro, it takes a lot for me to go to a bar and eat number one. I can see that. Those bars, those crazy onion rings and shit.

That since I was a kid. You ever go back there and look at the bartender? The guy that's cooking. Take a look at the guy that's cooking in those bar jobs. You can tell they're not fucking no five beta captains. I'm no fucking, I'm no genius here. But those guys are cooking bars. I mean, like nowadays they're getting some like, in those like gastro problems.

They're getting some like really legit chefs now. Oh, no, no. In those pubs and shit. I think, yeah, but you're paying for it. But you don't want to go to some like those fucking bars. Crazy. And half those places were around this area. The one bar that he went to, we used to do comedy down there.

Where they were fucking scraping the rats, whatever. We used to do comedy down there. And then they went back to being filthy and they tried to get bar rescue to come back and they told them to go fuck all those places. There was another place that bar rescue went to in Boulder. Not the place that Memo and Red Band got mugged by the magician. Freckles. Freckles or something like that.

Red who? Black wizard. Black wizard. Somebody bugged him with a black wizard. Who the fuck, you know. It's Red Band. Somebody robbed him. I don't know what happened.

I don't ask questions. You mean the rapper Red Band? No, no, no. A comedian friend of ours. He works at Joe Rogan. A little Red Band. Whatever his name is. I'm Brian.

Red Band? Brian, yeah. His name is Brian Red Band. He was dating a bunch of bars in Burbank. They did a bunch of bars locally. Yeah, yeah. And they all went back to being filthy fucking ass. So it don't matter, bro.

They're filthy fucking. I can just tell. There's a Cuban place on victory. Down the clock in Marberos. Yeah. Mambos. Yeah, it's Mambos. No, no, no.

That's the other place in Glendale. No, no, no, no. If you go the other direction, if you go on victory. I know where you're talking about. It's right there before the... Yeah, yeah. Across from Costco. No, no, no, no.

Oh, across from Costco. Yeah. Cuban place across from Costco? Mambos is Glendale. The other direction on victory. If you go the other direction on victory, you go to Costco. Up to the corner. Across the street there's Costco.

Make a little... You see a McDonald's? When you look to the left, there's a McDonald's? Mm-hmm. There's a Cuban joint in there. Mm-hmm. I went there for Mercy's Baptist. Oh, I think I know what you're talking about.

We went there a couple times. It's in a little shopping center? Yes. And the last... Is it in Stepway loco or something? Yes. The last two times I went in there was so filthy. Oh, no.

And the food was so fucking old. What pissed me off was the amount of fingerprints on the glass. It had been like a week and a half since they had cleaned that. So you mean to tell me that one employee in this place had the initiative to wipe that glass down? That sucks. Sometimes one of my pet peeves is when I see something on the floor and nobody picks it up.

Mm-hmm. That you walk past it a thousand times. Yeah, man. You know, I was doing that shit in the ocean today, dude. I was in Long Beach at Roxy's Dog Beach and I was like swimming in the water and I was like, man, I can't just sit here and look at this fucking straw in the ocean. You know? There's fucking plastic and shit.

So I was like, I'd grab it and I just fucking had it like go throw it away and I'd come back and I did that a few times today, man, because fucking people just don't appreciate shit, man. It's fucking all kinds of shit in that water, you know? Oh, it drives me crazy when I see people walk past something. Yeah, yeah. Like same thing like at the gym, man. You know, like all that tape they put on this shit, it fucking ends up on the floor and

I just can't look at it. I got to pick it up, man. Just throw it away. Take the initiative and clean that shit up, man. That's why the restaurant business is no joke, man. You got to be on top of all that stuff. Otherwise, you know, they come in and they inspect you and then they fucking find you. But let me tell you something, bro.

Let me tell you something. Before they inspect you, they call you and tell you they're coming. That's why if you see a restaurant, they don't have an A rating. You can't do business with them because you know I'm coming. It's not like I just show up on a Tuesday. They tell you they're coming. They give you adequate date to get all your stuff ready and then guess what? When you don't have it ready, they give you another notice and they give you time to get

it ready. So if you don't get it ready, you're basically a filthy fucking animal. But sometimes in the LA rating system, it's a B because of simple little things. So you have to look into it. Like sometimes don't be scared. Don't let the rating run. You have to see it. You have to see it.

Some of the best tacos I've ever gotten is from Mexican do with dirty hands. Let me tell you. When I see a fucking Mexican lady with gloves on, that's not going to be a good taco. You know what I'm saying? I see a skinny chef. I don't want to do business with that guy. That's a little extra flavor. That's a fat fucking chef.

You show me a fat chef. That's a chef. Show me a guy that's got time to do kettlebells. He's a chef. That's not a chef. That's a poster boy. You know what I'm saying? There's something about it.

The best tacos you get are going to be in the street corner and the guy's going to have filthy hands. Grease, soda, ice, mustard. I got to take you to my favorite vegan taco place. I wouldn't go in there if you fucking pay me. It's not a place. It's a pop up. No, no, no.

I don't want to see. He hates everything you've just said. He hates all Curry. Curry? Oh, I hate Curry. No, I think Lord Pop Up. Pop Up? You know what's a pop up?

A pop up is like, they have these little pop up restaurants where they set up a tent in front of like a... I don't trust them. That means they're going to leave their gypsies. So you never do like that. They're not gypsies, man. They're gypsies. You want me to eat at your restaurant?

I've got to be able to come back the next day and complain. You want me to eat and then you go away. So you don't eat it like little taco trucks on the side of the road and stuff like that? Unless they come with a big time reputation. Well, you can just take one for me. Unless... You know why, man? I've always been disgusted by food.

Spanish people call it aqua. I remember the aqua. There's certain things that are fucking filthy to me. Like there was a girl, I don't want to mention what nationality she was. I loved her to death. She was one of my best friends, but she was filthy. And because of her nationality, I don't need her food. Because she was filthy.

She wouldn't wash dishes. And nothing pisses me off more than that. That's the point where I would see little flies in the air. Those little gnats and shit. And she would cook and I'd go over there and she'd go, you're hungry? No, I never ate her food. Because I knew she was filthy. Good pussy.

But she was just filthy. So I'm one of those people. I look at different things. I don't like a lot of weird stuff. Too many moving parts, I don't do it. And I might that with Cuban food. I'm very, very critical. Cuban, Italian food, very critical.

Because I grew up around it. I grew up around it. I grew up with good food. I don't have a lot of good assets. But one thing is I know a good fucking restaurant. And I know when I go to a good restaurant. Because I don't judge a restaurant just by the food. I judge it by the overall value.

I want to feel there like I ate great. But I also, what I spent was worth the value. And then food, today you get what you pay for. You know, when you eat a dollar steak in Vegas, you're not getting a Grey Day steak. That steak's been three weeks old in the supermarket. They dip it in the chemical, it gets pink again. And you eat it for a dollar before it gets old,

before they throw it away. So you get what you pay for in this world. You really do get what you pay for. I can agree with that for sure. So you have to be very careful with what you eat. And I've been like this, you know who instilled this in me? You gotta remember one thing, bro. Being a fat fuck, I don't eat fast food.

I'm not a fast food guy. I just started going back to McDonald's five years ago because of my daughter. Before that, I haven't walked into McDonald's. It's gotta be, it was 25 fucking years. Because I wasn't allowed to close that door, professor. Now we're getting fucking every plane that comes in wants to land now.

9.30 at night, they want to land now. Now Tom Cruise wants to land this fucking plane. I wasn't allowed to eat fast food as a child. So I didn't touch fast food until I was probably 18. Wendy's chicken sandwich was the first fast food. I would sneak a fucking Big Mac. When I went to Miami, because in Miami, my cousins were allowed to eat Kentucky Fried Chicken

in big McDonald's. But I couldn't tell my mother I would eat it at all. She would not allow me in Kentucky Fried Chicken. As I got older, I liked Kentucky. Now I wouldn't walk into Kentucky Fried Chicken. Those chickens are fucking disgusting. All that fast food is fucking horrible. I'm not an advocate for them,

but I think you gotta do yourself a little bit better. If you're gonna eat, eat the best. If I'm gonna eat salami, I'm gonna eat Boisette. I'm gonna go with the best. I'm not gonna eat salami from fucking Subway. I don't want to eat Jersey Mike's or any shitty fucking chains. I try to get the best.

I love Jersey Mike's. If you're gonna get cancer, get good cancer. Get it from the good shit. What is the seminar, Professor? The certification is coming weekend, 21st and 22nd, Saturday and Sunday. Listen, if you live in the area all day long. If you live in the area, you love fitness.

You don't live in the area. If you don't live in the area, if you love fitness, if you really love your body, if you want a different attitude, this is the guy to do it. I took a lot of your exercises. I jicun doubted. You know what, man?

I used those bats from my shoulders. I used those bats once a week for recovery from my shoulders from Alberta. I do the kettlebell swings with the bats and I twist my wrists and I do all that. So I borrow from a couple different little principles. That's Bruce Lee's philosophy is take what's useful and discard what is not.

See, Lee and I used to go to a kettlebell place. That guy was very good. He was a Pavlov based guy. But then we went to a different place where the guy was a Jerkoff based guy and he was making us do Jerkoff exercises and in fact, he was hurting us. Now in hindsight, we were getting hurt

because I haven't been going there on a Tuesday and not being able to do shit till Friday. You got to know how to use them man because if you're fucking up your students and hurting your students, they're not going to come back. So I learned that a long time ago, man, how to warm up properly about it. It's such a big part of kettlebell training.

That's why when people see those workouts on Instagram, they ask me all kinds of questions and they want to go do it. I'm like, hey man, remember we do a whole warm-up before we do this. Right. It's very scary because I go to three different gyms now for different reasons and I see people doing it in a way that I was taught you're going to get hurt doing that.

And look at me, I can't tell anyone to not work out a certain way but you can get really hurt. There were people that I worked out with that got really hurt. They had back problems. My Achilles for a while was hurting and I had to adjust and rest for a while. I thought I was going to snap. For sure dude.

If you don't know what you're doing, you try to teach somebody some kettlebell shit and you fuck up their back and then their back could be fucked up for life. I tell people all the time, before you fuck with kettlebells, go work with someone. Go pay with somebody three times. No, because a lot of people think YouTube is instruction.

Let's say I like Joey Alvarado's workout. But I live in fucking Cleveland. I like Joey Alvarado's workout. I've looked at it and I think I can do it. There's somebody in the area that I can do a private with. Yeah, it's always good to get some hands-on training. Absolutely dude. Just to get to look at your back the right way.

Research them and ask them where they get their training. No, no, you got to go on their website and read. I say research everybody man. If they look them up on YouTube, look them up and see what they're doing. See who they're training to. There's a lot of all these kettlebell experts out there. And you look at them and you see them on the Instagram

doing all kinds of stuff, but you never see them training anybody. The people who are in the trenches like me every day, teaching people, I teach people. It's my profession. So I know how to do it. There's a lot to it. Find a qualified person to teach you the basics

and teach you how to warm up and teach you the mechanics of the exercise and stuff like that too. It's really important. It's very important. With anything man, same thing with jiu-jitsu. You're not going to learn jiu-jitsu off a fucking YouTube video, right?

People do it. I know. I can imagine. People do it. I mean they do it with kettlebells. They do it with barbells, everything man. They just look it on YouTube and then try to do it. Did Evan Tana teach himself how to fight

from watching fucking videos with jiu-jitsu? Oh man, I've learned how to do a bunch of shit watching videos. I watch videos. I'm more confused than when I was when I walked in and fucking joined. I keep a simple lesson. Yeah.

And that's the thing is sometimes with jiu-jitsu people want to learn everything at once. So they start watching videos and they start getting so deep that they can't even remember the fundamentals. You know what I mean? So those jiu-jitsu videos and stuff like that they could actually hurt you. Because this is so much information.

You can't process everything about jiu-jitsu once. So just like kettlebells, you should establish that foundation first. When you get those basics down and then build off of that. So you teach this Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? I teach it six days a week. Oh that's right, because the other days are at 10? No, no, no, no.

Tuesday to Thursday at 6.30pm and Saturdays at 10am at the kettlebell. Other than that, it's all jiu-jitsu. I teach jiu-jitsu as well. And you're covering for professor now? I will be. His buddy's here from out of town right now. I have one of his best friends from Brazil.

His name is Alessandra. He's like a fourth degree. He's been covering the classes, but he's going to go to New York. So I'll be covering the noon classes and all that stuff as well. So you have a Saturday at 10am class? Saturday at 10am, man. That's a good one. That's a good one, man.

That's a cool time, you know. You can sleep in a little bit and then make it over there. Yeah, sure, dude. 10am's a good time. There's a lot of times I wake up at 4pm. I'm like, I'm going to go see professor. I'm like, fuck that. Most heart attacks happen from 5.30 to lunchtime.

They really? Yeah, that's well known. I'm 55. I don't even eat pussy in the morning. Fuck it. Can serve your energy? No, because your heart beats too much. I get too worked up in the morning.

So I had to stop. I can't even give my wife a stab in the morning. So I just got to keep it simple now in the morning. I don't do nothing until about 9 o'clock. I'm not really cooking, you know what I'm saying? I appreciate it. Thank you for coming on, professor. Thank you for having me on.

I love coming on your show. What's YouTube, but they can find you. Kettle Jitsu. If you just look, Google Kettle Jitsu. All my social media and everything will come up. This guy is one of my all time favorites, man. That's why I put him on the show. He's a music guy.

So we love you, man. You miss Chris Cornell? Man, I do. To be honest with you, I still kind of have a hard time. When a song comes up on the radio, man, I have a hard time listening to it a little bit, because it kind of hurts a little bit. Did you ever see that picture of me in here? Yeah, the one from Luxembourg.

No, it was in Sweden. Sweden, but you were there rather than Jiu-Jitsu. Yeah, I was on my way to Rome and I was in a layover and I was just walking and he walks right past me. I was like, holy shit. I was like, Chris Cornell and he turns around and he looks at me. And first of all, I was like, fuck this man is fucking tall. But that's the first time I was ever star struck.

And like, since I was star struck, he looked even like bigger and larger than life. And I was just like, you know, me, man, I like to talk, but like I was trying to tell him how much his music meant to me. And I think maybe I did. But I felt like I was stuttering. I couldn't figure out. I felt stupid. He was just kind of like grinning.

He's like, hey, thanks, man. And he took a picture with me and man, that was pretty awesome. But yeah, I do miss him, man. It's crazy when somebody dies. Like Prince died, you know? Michael Jackson died. I miss him. I miss everybody.

You listen to the music and go, wow, I can't believe they're gone. But Chris Cornell, whenever I hear like the other day, I listen to Bad Motorfingers, my shit. You know, I love Super Unknown. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love Super Unknown. I like them. I think Bad Motorfinger was the first album where they just, they got it everything together.

That was the Chinese guy gone for Bad Motorfinger? Yeah. The bass player? Kim Thale, yeah. No, no, no. He's a guitar player. But for the first time, they had a Chinese bass player. Oh, no, no, yeah, yeah.

Hero Yamamoto. Yes. Yeah, yeah. No, he left after Louder Than Love, I think. The first one? No, the first one was Ultra Mega. Ultra Mega, okay. Yeah.

Yeah, and they had a couple of EP's before that, and Hero Yamamoto, and then after that, they were interchanging. They had Jason Everman that he actually used to be in Nirvana back in the day. Okay. The guy with like, he had like long curly hair, kind of like Chris Cornell, but it was like red. And they had him through the, like Louder Than Love tour, because I saw them in Germany together.

I actually met them back then at a small little club too. And then after that, that's when they got, what's his name, Ben, fucking awesome bass player. And when I lived in Seattle, he owned the club, somebody owned the club, either the bass player or the drummer. Oh, really? Yeah. On the club right next.

Matt Cameron? That's the drummer from Soundgarden. Yeah, he's the best drummer ever, besides John Bonham. Somebody owned the club, like two doors down from our friend Joshua's club. He ran on Lobo Loco, and they were on the same block. I never went in there, I didn't, you know, want to embarrass myself. I don't know nobody. Mita Oyekai.

I don't know nobody. I don't know nobody. I don't know nobody. I don't know nobody. I love you, Professor. Have a great week. Don't forget him. He'll be there this for a Saturday, Sunday, 7 a.m.

Like I said, if you're looking for something different to push your heights, looking to change your body, looking to get healthy, this is a guy to do it. I mean, we've been dear friends for years, and I use a lot of his principles. He turned me on to the Turkish fucking get up and now I love it. Don't forget, as usual, supplements, whether it's fucking, what do you think I did this morning when I got up? I had breakfast and I popped three shroom tech amunes. Why?

Because I'm getting on a plane with a bunch of filthy fucking animals. See, Japanese people, they put a gas mask on and they're prepared for these filthy fucking people. Me, I take fucking shroom tech immune. And before I work out tomorrow morning, I'll be shroom tech sport. And fucking during the week, after my little workouts, what do you think it is? It's Mexican chocolate, the whey protein. Why?

Because I believe in honor. I believe in their supplements. Go to honor.com right now and press in. Church? Bam! And get 10% off delivered right through your fucking door. That's a bargain. There's supplements out there.

Trust me, I'm telling you. Number two, you're looking for mats for your little garage. You want to throw some people around. You're looking for shingles or muay thai. You're looking for nice gloves. You're looking for the fucking best gi out there. You know me, dawg. I'm a Fuji sports guy all the way to the end.

I love Fuji. I had a couple other gis that were heavy. Fuji is just right. Whether you go for the fucking 96, 89, 79 dollar gi or you want to help your game with the cycle to redone the separato or the fucking elemental, Fuji's the way to fucking go. They're light. They're tough. And they'll fucking take a beating.

You understand me? Go to fujisports.com right now and press in. Church? Bam! And get 10% off delivered to your house plus you're helping out the church. All right? I want to thank Professor Joey Alvarado. I want to thank the Christ Killer.

But most importantly, I want to thank you guys. Without you guys, I have a god's dick. Nothing. It's Monday morning. Go out there and show them that you're going to fuck them up this week. You're going to blow up the outside world, you bad motherfuckers. It's all about you. Take them to the hoop.

Who gives a fuck about what they're thinking? It's about what you're thinking. All right? Stay black. Have a good week. And we'll see you Wednesday morning. Tip top, Magoo. Ready to go.

Have a great fucking day. Kick that fucking muley. Oh, yeah. A little new young for you, motherfucker, here we go. Hey, hey, my mind, Rock and roll can't never die. Hey, hey, my mind, Rock and roll can't never die. Hey, hey, my mind, Rock and roll can't never die. Hey, hey, my mind, Rock and roll can't never die.

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Hey, hey, my mind, Rock and roll can't never die. Hey, hey, my mind, Rock and roll can't never die. Hey, hey, my mind, Rock and roll can't never die. Hey, hey, my mind, Rock and roll can't never die. Hey, hey, my mind, Rock and roll can't never die. Hey, hey, my mind, Rock and roll can't never die. Hey, hey, my mind, Rock and roll can't never die. Hey, hey, my mind, Rock and roll can't never die.

Hey, hey, my mind, Rock and roll can't never die. Hey, hey, my mind, Rock and roll can't never die. Hey, hey, my mind, Rock and roll can't never die.