Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #603 - Eric Rocha

Episode Date: July 25, 2018

Eric Rocha, stand up comedian, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:    Hims - Go to ForHims.com/joey for a trial month of everything you need to keep your hair - for just $5 while supplies last.   
MeUndies.com Go to meundies.com/JOEY for 15% off of your order of first order with free shipping in the US and Canada.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.    Recorded live on 07/24/2018.
  

There's a certain type of fucking legitimacy. You know I'm saying greetings from podcastville the church of what's happened now is brought to you by hymns4hymns.com Again, the church is brought to you by 4hymns.com a one-stop shop for hair loss Skincare and sexual wellness for men. Let me tell you something at least 70% of men lose their hair by the age of 35 The thing is when you start to notice hair loss, it's too late It's easier to keep the hair you got than to replace the hair you lost. All right, let me do let's do this What I'm gonna do for you is tremendous All right, because for hymns.com like I said, there's a one-stop shop for hair loss skincare and sexual wellness

We connect you with real doctors and medical grade solutions to treat hair loss without having to break the bank You understand I'm trying to say to you well-known generic equivalents to name brand prescriptions to help you keep your hair FDA approved Prescription solutions backed by science I'm gonna tell you something my listeners the family the church family. I'm gonna give you a trial month. You're starting to lose your hair Listen, fuck that shit. You're starting to lose their hair forget about that I'm gonna give you a trial month of hymns for five hours today right now While supplies last see the website for full details This would cost you hundreds of dollars if you went to a doctor, but none of them or pharmacy what I'm gonna do is

I'm gonna give my family the church right now a trial month of hymns for just five dollars today Go for hymns.com slash Joey go to for hymns.com slash Joey That's for hymns.com slash Joey. This is the way to go number two You've heard me talk about me on these for seven six years now the fun They're comfy on these that feel as good as they look they're comfortable They grab your little nut sack everything. It's nice and dry Tremendous, you understand me. You know I wear me on these when I go to jiu-jitsu Whether I go to ballet whether I go to the track in the summer heat

I got me on these on you know why because it keeps the moisture out It keeps the nut sack nice and dry Sometimes you take a pee you tap the helmet a little pee stays on your helmet. It causes Thousand things not with me on these why because of their soft cotton fabric that you nobody else got you understand me So go to me on these calm right now I'm gonna get your 15% off your first pair with free shipping and a hundred percent money back guarantee Satisfaction guarantee go to me on these calm right now slash Joey again That's me on these calm slash Joey for the best pair on the way. Yeah, we're gonna have kick this motherfucking muley

Wednesday July 26th 2018 It's an anniversary or something. I did something. I mugged somebody on this date some happy I just can't remember this date always rings the bell. Here you go In What's happening now you bad motherfuckers? Oh shit

Oh Are you fucking nuts or what you know, he's saying he wants to fuck his fucking buddy's girlfriend. Hey, I gotta think about this This is fucking tremendous little Hector Levoe on a Wednesday morning. Are you fucking kidding me or what? I got my man, Eric Rota wrote you whatever the fuck you want to follow And I got the Christ killer the original Oh shit That means I want you to call me poppy that's like telling you I love it when you call me big pop only in Puerto Rican. You know I'm saying we got Eric Roach in the house

You got my main man Lisa. Yeah, you're asking me Joey. Who the fuck is Eric Roach? We're gonna find that right now. I'm gonna tell you a reason why I have him on the podcast What's happening Lee you're good. You're great. Yeah, beautiful. It's been a great week so far Eric, what's happened brother? Not much man. I'm happy to be here. Thank you so much. This is fucking awesome You we're gonna tell the story slowly We're gonna get into this I want to introduce you to the world that I saw you singing for the choir and Fucking savage. I'm like this kid's a fucking savage. Nobody's seen this fucking kid And when I did my Netflix thing up at the store, I had you come up that Sunday night

you leveled them with Lee and There's a lot of topics, you know, I Fucking I'm old Eric I'm getting old and I have a lot of my mind I forget things and I digest things a lot differently than most people when Lee says something to me I I'll come back with a rebuttal to him to explain it and he'll go like what the fuck are you talking about? That thing you said that night. I totally agree with you. I'm the one that fucked up I'm one of those people that always will come to you and you'll go what the fuck that was two weeks ago

Why'd you ask me about that now because I processed it at four in the morning one night a dream And I woke up. He said why would fucking Eric say something like this melon? How long have you been doing comedy for five years five? Yeah, in April was where'd you start I? Did let me see in New York. I worked for Carolines literally like two days And then I couldn't fucking do it. It was I still have a check for 60 bucks that I never fucking picked up Never were you a doorman? I was answering the phones Yep, that was how I got to meet Mooney That was how I

Was answering phones and that guy's his ticket sales would fucking it was impossible to keep up with So you would just answer the phone you'd be like thank you for calling Carolines And then you please hold and what would happen was if he you had to screen the calls So you would get a shit ton of people calling for Paul Mooney But then every once in a while that guy's wife would fucking sneak through and you had to catch it or else you put it through And you were fucked. Oh, well, that's catch back to now where you originally from where'd you grow up, Colorado? We're part of Colorado. It's northeast the plains area like fucking farm town. Remember Greeley Greeley It's like an hour from that so an hour north or Greeley. Yeah, that's fucking crazy Greeley smells so bad get closer to the mic

Get closer to the mic like it's Tuesday night. You know, yeah Yeah, Greeley really was my second comedy gig Really second comedy gig at the longest running one nighter in history one of the top Five what longest lasting one night is in history like because I heard it was still running up to a couple years ago And it was there ten years before I started Jesus that's 30 some years It was a one nighter booked by a guy named Bill Bauer on Thursday nights who ran a motorcycle shop every Thursday

Every Thursday Wow, and the ceiling was real low So if you jumped you bang your head on the ceiling the place is great It was like they had like pictures of like singers behind you the ugliest artist like the worst artist in the world was a picture of Jimmy Hendricks There was a picture of Janice Joplin and there was a picture of Bob Marley behind you needed comedy How are the audiences there fucking great? It's a college town on top of that. It's where the Broncos Practice that do spring training or whatever the fuck we used to go every year My mom was a huge fucking Broncos fat. My uncles hated him, but mom loved him. We go every summer So now you're in Greeley, Colorado. Let's assume. How old were you till you stayed in, Colorado?

I moved to New York when I was 18. What made you want to move to New York? Now you graduated in high school. So how many on the radar at 18? No to be honest I got into a conservatory in New York because I wanted to do theater. Okay. I was a theater nerd so I went there and I Loved it. I loved the theater and just living in New York for I lived there for like four years and just pounding the pavement auditions and shit like that But then comedy was always something in my life like I was raised by my grandpa and I found his Richard prior tapes And when I found those it was it was like something forbidden. I fucking loved it

That was that was the introduction and was tapes album CDs. It was here and now I remember that one. It was here now, and it was a greatest hits like an a-track. Yeah, yeah It was fucking and I remember like you'd have to sneak to listen to it. Yeah That and like Eddie Murphy is delirious. Do you remember the language the first time you heard that language? How your Ed felt The first time you heard not from your parents because you heard it from your parents But not used the way a stand-up especially Richard prior twisted around have you watched that? Comedy on CNN that that series that no I started but I didn't get finished the other night

They had just about dirty comedy as I was walking in the door and it was brilliant It was Red Fox doing all his albums. That's why I want to go back to albums Because that's my I grew up on albums, you know saying yeah Look at this and the hand comes out over here because it's like cousin it Then I take the lights off I blasted this way just little side angles To make it go I think you can hold it for an hour. What happened holding it. No, I was thinking about it I was thinking about it. But what the fuck is we're all here. We're all generally a week colonel. So, all right, so

You listen who else did you listen to as a young I listen every I listen to Red Fox? Everybody he had I would listen to so you got to wash your ass that one. Oh my fucking God, I Eddie Murphy delirious was another one because I didn't even listen much James Brown But when I heard him do James Brown it It was the fact that a grown man could do that with his voice and I was like, how the fuck is he making that sound that? Know that that's a lyric. That's James Brown need a lyric. I said I move. That's good that and like the barbecue like just the pictures that that guy could fucking paint and So it worked backwards though cuz like I said my dad was a piece of shit

so it was my grandpa that raised me and He let me just listen to whatever the fuck I wanted and I was like I want I want to listen to that and it was Richard Pryor So I'd put it it was actually a cassette tape. That's what I remember One of them was greatest hits because it was an eight track the other one was here And now I think that was the cassette tape and he'd do mud bone mud bone and that that was when like we were talking about one time outside outside fourth wall because you were talking to Lee about Don't go don't go down there fucking with them Jews. I don't know money. Oh my god

That's the funniest that's and I remember that because in a weird way that that brought me back to when I was a kid And I was like there was only one person who was like in their thirties when I was a kid And I heard them say that don't go down there fuck with them Jews without no money And I knew right then I was like, oh fuck like to me that that was just how you judge people that you liked on On on what they knew what how much prior shit? Do they know do they know like the you know Everybody knows one nigga that drinks always gets fucked up. He always wants to fight. You remember that one, right? Oh, he never wins a fight, but he always wants to fight and Just the way that he would do that was

Just a picture was fucking there and I was just this little kid and that was that alone was hilarious Now you're listening to all this how did you end up with either geek? Honestly, I don't I don't know I I realized that you could What the fuck was this movie I saw like American Beauty, I think it was and I remember because it was a pretty conservative town and The way that he looked at that cheerleader because he wanted to fuck her really bad. I remember thinking like that shit's true Like I see my friends their parents doing that shit and so When I saw that on a movie

Everybody in our town hated that fucking movie and I was like, oh, it's so true though So for some reason I was like, okay I like what what good movies can do good movies can kind of bring to light a truth Just like when I saw good fellas and like, you know the fucking He starts laughing and then he just stops laughing and everybody just kind of cowers I was like fuck that shit actually happens in in scary rooms like that So I don't know it was it was something like that that I loved was just the ability to To ask questions like that and to just kind of poke truth. So I guess that's why I like comedy, too was you know

when I was probably middle school I found out about George Carlin and It was specifically the He were all diseased and it was that night when he I remember seeing the HBO thing and he said If there is a God if there is May he strike this audience dead and I remember my grandma was like fucking livid and I couldn't believe he'd fucking said that and that was when I learned that stand-up could be fucking dangerous like that Because it was like this guy is talking about shit that he should not be talking about So I grew up Catholic. So I went to church that that next day

We were in catechism and I started asking question like how do we know there's a God? Yeah, and and people were like what what the fuck are you talking about and I was like well I mean think about they they've got us believing this and we don't know We really don't and you mean like and I was a fucking kid I didn't know what the fuck I was taught all I knew was hearing him and all of the points that he was making and I think it's been that way ever since like just comics that

That can be funny and that talk about shit that makes you think a little bit differently And I mean we we talk about that like that's the goal But to actually do it and be in the room with somebody when they're doing that shit was it was just amazing It was like wow I Want to do this and where's the closest comedy club because I went early. I went in like High school. I think it's a comedy club really see I didn't go till college Now where'd you go to college? It was the American Musical and Dramatic Academy and that was in New York What was the first comedy club you went to it was Caroline's on Broadway?

Okay, who was on stage it was Paul Mooney It was it was to go watch you. Oh, so you you knew how did you discover Paul Mooney? Chappelle Chappelle show when he did the Mooney on movies and They would do the synapses about what the movie was about and then the camera would just pan on him and he He just shaped like that's that fucking grin that he had and nope that was a movie that offended me And then he would talk about you know, what was it?

Brad Pitt. He's the last or no Tom Cruise. He's the last samurai and then he did last samurai Okay, the Mexican with Brad Pitt and then he goes. I've got one. How about the last nigger on earth starring Tom Hanks? How about that? It was just the the cockiness and you felt like you were in the room with that guy and Negro Damos and and all of that shit And so I was like I my mom went out to visit me I was like we should see this guy because he used to write for prior. How did you look him up? It was just New York like I knew I knew Caroline's on Broadway because I was a huge fan of

David Tallin and like the New York Circuit like that and that was kind of how I started getting into comedy was just listening to comedy albums and Yeah, I my mom was in town and she was like what do you want to do and I was like We should go to a comedy club and he happened to be there. He was the last he was last night. Yep Yeah, exactly midnight show. So I was like, well if we can stay up Why don't we go see this because this guy used to write for Richard Pryor. He was on Chappelle show He's he's really funny on the show. Let's go watch him and It it was otherworldly like I don't think

I'll ever be that fucking good like walking out of there. I was like How the fuck does somebody do that? I just I couldn't believe because he just sat in the chair He sat in the chair and he had the microphone and he just he just sat there and he looked at everybody and it was so Personal yeah, it felt like we were just in his house or on his porch Just and he was talking about people it it it changed me It was like this guy's making a see everything and it's so different like being in the room with with Mooney was Nothing like Like what you saw on TV because even when we walked out my like I was with my fucking mother and my mother looked at me

And she's like I've never seen anything like that Never, you know cuz she she grew up on the planes and and we're you know, that's what so when she saw Paul Mooney and Then later on she actually got to meet him because I was like we would ask if we could stay and watch his show We you know when you were answering phones and he would be oh, yeah, brother What have you got to do and he just fucking walked down and we'd sit in the back and we just watch him and To watch him work was like so how many times did you watch my carolites? Um, I Total it was four and what did you think? Now had you had you been on stage yet? No, no, no thinking about it. Oh, yeah

Watching him salivate and watching him Watch him do it. It it looked so fucking easy You're like look at how relaxed he is look at how personable he is like yeah, it's it's so easy and then you fucking do it and you're like Like and not just like an hour, but he would do like an hour and 20 an hour and 30 you never knew when he was done Like I don't think he knew when he was done He just he would just get up and he'd fucking walk. There was no clothes. No, there was it was just like I gotta get out Yeah, yeah, it was just like that. Yeah, because it's starting to bore me. He'd pick up his bag

Yeah, I gotta go good night. That would be one black person in the audience He goes you niggas is starting to bore me and he would just walk off the fucking stage With his little bottle of champagne. He would get the major bottle of champagne Yep, he wouldn't go on stage unless he had a major bottle of champagne now Well, how long did it take you to get on stage after you saw Paul Moody when I came to LA So now you're in New York. How long I was in New York for four years and you didn't get on stage at all I got on like once or twice. It was nothing that I could actually say. Oh, look, I'm doing stand-up It was I got to try this when I did it. Where'd you go? I mean it was somewhere in Queens

I lived on Dipmars and Steinway and there was some Chinese bistro that had a fucking open mic and literally you just stood like on a box And it was like, okay, and they were like they point at you like do go And you'd fucking do it and did people were eating and they were annoyed that you were fucking in there and the mic You know the mic you could barely hear it so you'd speak into it and they turned up and to be too loud It was fucking it was miserable any dream I had of doing stand-up in New York I was like, this is fucking awful. I will never do this shit ever. I went back to New York I was like, I don't know about this. It took me nine months. That was a beating. That was an emotion So you there four years you pick up you come here now what?

then a buddy was doing a farewell show and He was moving to Boston and he's like, hey, I know you've done stand-up before He's like, do you want to get on stage? I'll give you three minutes And it was a I think it was a flappers So I was like, huh, let me think about it. He's like, well think about it. So I don't remember when the fuck that was but I Went up and I did I end up doing five and it went really fucking well what really happened was I

Was I was waiting to go up. I was nervous and Whitney Cummings had walked in and she's like hey I was wondering if I could do a drop-in and they were like, okay, when when do you want to go? I'll go this I'll go here and it happened to be I had to follow her and I was pissed And I was like guys. I I can't fucking do this like it and they're like dude. Just don't don't worry about it We'll put one guy in front of you and I was like, I alright fine. Fuck it So she goes on and she fucking crushed she crushed guy went on he crushed and then they threw me on And I don't know what what compelled me to do it, but I just looked at everybody. I was like, well I'm fucking sorry. I go what what do you want from me?

And I go I'm gonna fag it up here trying to make you guys laugh. What do you want? And I looked at one guy's like you're kind of cute and that that changed it like that for some reason that won the room over and I Started ragging on Whitney Cummings because I was like why the fuck did she have to pick tonight? I was like, she's brilliant. Why did she pick tonight though? And I was like fuck her and I did that and everybody started laughing and I it was funny cuz like I saw her and I was like, oh my god. I fucking love you I she's like no, it's comedy. Don't worry about I thought it was funny. It got the crowd and That that was what was amazing was it was like, okay?

so I Did well well enough to come back and then it was just fucking bomb after bomb after bomb it was It was Vegas. Yeah after you win the three thousand and come back and it's like yeah, I went three thousand and you give him 92,000 that's Las Vegas. That's comedy Do you know why you're sitting in this room for this tonight? I Don't I don't want a few people that really really really Makes me laugh anymore. I started going to the fourth wall to support my friend Lee And I saw you one night on stage. I didn't bring you here. I did not say anything about gay or anything

You might respect for you as a comic But since we're talking about it, we'll open up that door and because you also raised in Colorado, which I was in Colorado in 83 And it wasn't cool to be talking about Adam and Steve You know say I'm like you couldn't just talk about Adam and Steve in Colorado. I know about it You know saying I'm a I know it's cracking in the gay community, but You know you can't just say that in 1983 in a cowboy ball Although those cowboys are the biggest fucking they'd love to get their dick sucked I'm gonna get three beers and they'll let anybody suck their dick and then they'll call you a bean in the next day

You fucking meaner. Yeah, and then you'll say you didn't call me a bean and when I was swallowing your jizz last night He's lying. I was drinking 3.2 beer. I got fucked up. I didn't know I didn't even know he was a bean I'm writing over my mistake that they're fucking crazy. Tell me I'm lying. Tell me I'm lying I've been all over Colorado I'll go visit and I'll turn on my grinder and I'm like Jesus Christ like they're all over the fucking place But they never have a face picture. No, no Craig Colorado all those all those those There's men in those towns that dying to get fucked and they have you know what they have to do They have to do a crime and they go to jail in Canyon City. They just go over to Lou

They go right over in Canyon City to the gay wing and now they have an excuse. Well, I belong to him No, you always belong to somebody. You didn't know it yet. You just didn't fucking know it Colorado if you want to be gay, you gotta go to prison. That's when they bust you out finally Once you come out you come out you go in fucking leave you come out Ellen, you know I'm saying with a talk show It's fucking why I lived in Colorado when it was raw But don't they like it's not gonna be just gay people having like fun sex and prison if you're in Isn't it gonna be like the kind that you don't really want like the guy? Oh, you want that's a better kind Well, that's what you want. You want dirty dicks, and you know, is that what you want?

No, there's two types of gay people. There's three types of gay people like there's three types of gay guys We did some guys that love hookers and know you to hook his asshole And then I'll give a fuck if she fucked 20 guys in the ass and crack. There's people to share their wives There's different strokes for different folks Lee. That's what makes the world unique. That's so progressive doing. No What are you gonna do at 53 at 55? What are you gonna do when I was 18 and somebody asked me if I wanted around the world the first time like a hook at home Like a guy told me know you go and get in around the world. I was petrified You know the way Lee gets about edibles like when I call him up in time

We're gonna do heroin same thing When you when somebody would talk to me about I'm doing it around the world like are you fucking crazy? What does that mean? You know lick my ass lick my balls and try to make out with me That's not gonna happen Even if I take 20 showers, you know why because if you've done it with me you've done it with 20 animals You know I'm saying you've done it with 20 animals. So I need like blow job What was that about when I was younger dog the Catholicism? I was just about to tell Eric this that guys, let's be honest from the fucking zero grade to fifth grade. I drank the juice. I

Was all in I would not I was not gonna let a priest molest me, but I drank the juice Let's be honest. I believed in Jesus. I believed in this Holy Spirit. I believed yeah I went to my buddy and going into the fifth grade a Lot of shit started happening which Bruce Lee died Once Bruce Lee died the the form of immigrants left So now we were free again. We didn't have a leader again In 68 when Bruce Lee came out. Oh, everybody had a voice that didn't have a voice anymore The word bully wasn't used, but it was the same thing. There was no more bullies for immigrants

Some men now we had something we had this bow the other night was Bruce Lee's 45th anniversary Friday night That night I it was Lee's birthday and I felt really bad, but I got home that night and they were playing the crow on TV at like 730 and then it messed me up so much Like they remembered that I put on fist of fury I put on Chinese connection it to me. It's Chinese connection and Can you can you find the dojo scene in Chinese connection? I mean, this is this is this is gonna freak you out Just pushing dojo scene because nobody really understands this and I talked about it on Rogan

Nobody understands this what you're about to see You know, I was a kid like you raising the Latin home. The thing about me is my mom was I'm not being politically incorrect tonight. My mom was what you consider in the late 60s a fag hag My mom did business with a lot of gay men because that was the drug business But this scene right here changed America forever fist of fury His first movie The third one

See they call it fist of fury, but it's really it got released here as the Chinese connection and this This changed America forever. They had just gone to his school and Said that Chinese this is when the Chinese people were held down by the Japanese people And they gave him a picture and on that picture. It says sick man of Asia You never seen this Eric. No, this changed America forever Look at his body language Well, he ain't here This changed America forever, I broke out into tears like I'm about to break into here right now

This changed America forever If you were black if you were Chinese if you were any minority that you were you fell into right here your life changed This was the little guy sticking up for the big guy Yeah, yeah, right. Oh, I see Okay, you can take this from me and then get out of here So I bring a picture back to your house whenever you're ready. I'll take on any Japanese here this changed America forever This the Clint Eastwood movies you never heard the word bully Watch with this dummy says to Bruce Lee

You So you want to see how good you are then you must be tired of living well We fight alone Or all together it'll just take me to show you Just changed America guys because the first one wasn't that publicized I I'm watching this Friday night tears are coming out of my eyes. I'm thinking about my childhood what I thought life was This kick changed

The history of fucking America watch this kick Eric it's perfect Bam over lights out everybody the movie theater went crazy when this happened right here This was the introduction of you're never gonna fuck with me again This was it this is 1971 that's it we had a voice now This was the commercial Eric you would lose your mind I You fucking kidding me are you fucking kidding me and I know we discussed this before

But this is the best what's this guys what's this what's this what's this double punch Bam orchestrated now watch this. This is the best watch his hand as he flies over Watch this this is the best thing I've ever seen I didn't catch this till the other night So he throws the two dummies then they kick him in the back watch when he does the roll when he picks up Boom boom with his hand and he's got a pair of new chucks and America is a complete different fucking country Right now if you're fucking eight years old you're at the movie theater losing your minds about to blow up Are you fucking nuts No editing this is terrible they repeat it the same things

Then I go and he started all over again look a shitty blood pellets it didn't matter Right there that was it everybody the movie theater just went what the fuck was this look at those eyes look at Nobody said chink anymore after they saw this movie. They were like, that's it. We're done. Look at them whacking people for no reason Are you fucking kidding me Do you guys understand me that this was it? I'm a Catholic kid Now he breaks the glass because these two Japanese told them that if somebody could beat them they'd eat those words watch this These two guys actually went to Bruce Lee school and said if somebody could beat us from the school we'll eat the words watch Bruce Lee

Oh This time you're eating paper the next time it's gonna be glass This is it this is it you left that movie theater you went home and challenged your father You were like that. It's over. You're never young that mom again. I must your fucking head Watch this look at it. Look at this. Look at this one here. This is when he actually at the end He goes to the school and he walks in there. This is the last scene that this is like the last one Watch what he says to these motherfuckers I'm here to avenge my teacher

Your business so get out. I'm allowing you to leave I like it better than it being dubbed This is too much this is too much This is too much for a kid to handle waiting at PTSD. Oh, look at this Watching jump over the table Watch this Steps on the guy's forehead. Are you kidding me? Then you wonder why I'm fucked up Watch this flying sidekick over the table. Are you fucking kidding me?

They don't even do shit like this no more I Right here you lose in your mind and I used to watch these at the midnight movie Seven Were you and your buddies fighting each other in the aisles we would be Druling our core fucking Sibelio Pino right now and let them tell you how crazy we used to go watch these Me him retarded Mike. We had a kid Mike. He had to be 24, but he thought he was like 11 We didn't give a fuck. We let him hang with us. He let him punches in the stomach and shit like that

I Made me use like our uncle. He's our uncle. He's all right. That's it That's how you got into our rated movies. Yeah Watch all this shit. This is they can't do this anymore I I Love when people say all this negative shit about Bruce Lee because they didn't really know What's this though, this is the goods ready it when he lives the guy up and just bitch slaps

That's the way to do this was this was the mentality I had as a kid that was it This was it There was no peanut allergies. There was no fucking kids with sensitive ears That's what he stands for that's what he stands for killing people he's dead He stood for this movies about him getting tormented In the beginning they kill his teacher and then they fucking abuse them they got they she goes to a fucking school Yeah, to make a stand this movie was supposed to be something that happened like in 1940 In Japan how to Japanese treated to Chinese? There's one scene when he goes to the zoo

And it says you know, no dogs are Chinese a lot on the war and he kicks the fuck out of some Japanese people But I said before this conversation before this conversation. I was a Catholic like you And when I got thrown out of Catholic school, I went to public school and I started listening to Richard prior and One day we had to go to Catechism On Fridays when I first got to McKinley in the sixth grade on Fridays, you had two options You got off at one you need to belong to the ecology club and go pick up garbage on the street Which I was not doing or you go to Catechism and walked there by yourself Which meant you get high we get a six pack of beer we can stop at the fucking season row buck the shoplift look great

Is this this is sixth grade? Oh, good. Yeah No, it was all the kids from North Bergen that would be allowed to so other kids from other districts like Franklin And then Kennedy school they would take buses public transportation So they would get that lucid one those animals and I don't remember the priest's name and we would go to holy Something and again, it's next to a theater with George Carlin played Across the four-star diner, which we were talking about the other day and it was right there That's the name of the the name of the feed is the park place But in there, there's like a Catholic something and we would have to go in there for Catholic Catholic

Catechism and one day some New Jersey guy at raised his hand and he's like father. Can I ask you something? How do I know what you're telling me bullshit? And we started laughing he grew a sad he goes get the fuck out. We're like fuck you too And we're like fuck you fuck you too, Padre. He's like saying fuck you. That's why fuck you the rest of the kids like fuck you Padre like 11 of us got up and left we all went to the four-star diner and I Don't that's why I made my confirmation when I was 30 years old st. Michael Center St. Michael's is in Union City on 16th Street. I used to go there too. I played CYO basketball for them, but

You know, I was raised well, you're right here with all these Catholicism Things that things that you're not supposed to say and do and rules and shit like this now We have a second part to add to this conversation Which is your situation which is you are? Okay, so now you're living in Colorado. You're 15 years old. Did you already have desires for men? At that point yeah, cuz you

You start to realize shit's different and it's like, okay, you know, you have guys that are Dayton chicks, they're fucking feeling girls up and all that other shit and I mean I I tried but it was like, ah, I Don't know. There's something fucking different that I was like Yeah, I don't know and then you watch home improvement. You're like Oh fucking Jonathan Taylor Thomas. That's uh that's an interesting working guy right over there and Immediately, you're like, oh shit. I'm fucked up Something's broken

and it's it's it's weird shit. You're like, okay fuck cuz I Was I loved being Catholic. I loved it. It made sense I remember you sit next to my grandpa at church We would eat I remember he would he would take the host and he would save just a little bit And he would sneak me some because I always wondered what that what that cracker tasted like and he was like, yeah here here and the thing of it was was it was a We used to go on Saturday nights and then we'd go eat and that was like a big thing for him He had like an altar of all these fucking candles and it was just something that you know, if somebody died

You know you you went and you prayed for them and you did all of that. So when When that happens, you're like, oh shit. What what the fuck's going on? I have candles at the house. Absolutely. I like the candle for you. I like the candle for you Yeah, and so you you you don't mind me asking what happened to your parents My mom the the crazy thing is I mean you're tight with your mom obviously you were raised by grandpa So he wasn't paying bills like he I don't know the exact story. They were together and shit like that and What I remember because I asked my mom like so what what do you what is going on with this guy and to be fair His family like his mom and his dad were fucking great to me

They they wanted to be a part of it But what ended up happening was he was saying like shit like oh, yeah I got to go into work and what he would do is he was smooth He would go to the park and he'd get high with his friend And my mom would have to go to work But the thing if it was was she'd come home and she'd find like final notice of shit like why fucking I gave you money to Pay this why isn't this paid? And I don't know and she kindly she finally like followed him one day and she found out what he was doing

She followed him for a while and she'll talk about it to this day About when she got the courage to leave him and what that process was like cuz she's like every day I would move something. She's like I like if I had like the hamper full of clothes I'd move it to mom and dad's she's like and then I just come in and be regular She's like I still remember you in your little fucking read your little cradle that she would carry me around it And she's like so every day I'd move just a little bit of shit and she's like and then one day I called my brothers We got all this shit and we left is where I don't talk about this shit a lot like to anybody so this if I've seen nervous That's the reason why no, no, no, no fucking you talk about your mother, but you're also speaking about your grandfather

So yeah, I'm just a little no really confused. Yeah. Yeah, so your mother did time Couple years I left you a grandpa and she came on you guys were kind of you know, I'm not I'm not here to judge No, no, no, no, I was drawing a picture in my head different. It's just I'd never really talked to your grandpa Was your dad? Yeah, absolutely. Love him. Is he still with us? No, he he passed away in 97 and then my uncle Barry took he took over and that guy fucking died like two years ago I think it is now a year and a half ago so Wanting a dad and wanting like a father figure like

you know, I not to Blow smoke up your ass, but like honestly like when when you start coming around on the fourth wall It was like, okay, but you would you would say something and I would think about it and it percolate in my head I'd be like fuck, you know what? Yeah, I should try this I should I should try this and I'd try it and It would work And I'd be like fuck. How did you know that? How do you know that? So I'd ask you a question again I didn't want to fucking bother you, but I'd ask you a question again, and then I get the fuck out of there

I don't know if you remembered that I would talk to you a little bit and I get the fuck out Well, that's one thing I have I Don't I'm not book smart. I don't know about sleep or Voting or cells or anything like that. I do know about the human mind. I know about human compassion And all about hustle and all about pain And I was going through a rough time guys. I was going through a really rough time Stand up wise stand up wise I was at a you know Bobby Lee two days ago last night

So I can't leave town because I was at a precipice. That's something might happen. Let me tell you something, bro Six months ago last January last December November. I was at a precipice Of maybe having a nervous breakdown. I Don't know what a nervous breakdown consists of You know, we had a podcast here about depression and Lee started seeing somebody in a hurry and I didn't feel those things I Just felt something was lacking. Now. Here's a guy That I'm not gonna smoke up my ass on my headliner, you know, I've earned everything I've gotten. Yes I've done movies. I've done this and something just didn't taste right

I didn't know who to take it to and as you guys know at home I'm too fucking much of a prick to go to a psychotherapist or psychiatrists Because I believe that we should work things out on our own. That's what makes us stronger I think that a piece of paper and a pen and a lot of thought and some reefer or whatever gets you to that place to identify Your situation is So one night instead of going to the economy store and hanging out with Tom Pop and Joe Rogan and all these people I Said I want to do something. I want to go back and start all over again. I Want to do a science experiment because I am a walking science experiment

Since I got off cocaine 10 years ago. That's all I've been doing this experimenting. I don't know how I got to here So I have to figure out the formula to how the fuck did I get here? So I tagged along with Lee and I went to the fourth wall and it was the best thing I ever did in my life Because I got to see you guys You guys want what I got and guess what? I want what you guys got That's that's my quote. What did you see at fourth wall? I mean because it looks like you didn't know what you were looking for because when you would come in there

It was honestly, it was fascinating to watch you watch us because you were looking for something and When you would you would look because to watch you I was looking for the fundamentals of comedy If there is some I Was looking for the fundamentals of comedy. I wanted to come home and get a pen and go leave This is what comedy is. Can I have that pen from you and go leave this what comedy is? It's chapter 1 this chapter 2 this chapter 3 this chapter 4. I wish I could do that. I can't do that. I Wanted to do it not for you guys I want to do it for myself and then pass it on to you guys the knowledge I had gotten but I couldn't figure it out

But they're but something else happened Fat fucking chubby cute Mexican guy went on stage and it made me fucking laugh my ass off About being gay now. I'm 55 and if you watch any of my CDs any of my special any of my routines I always have a joke about a gay person in there because they seem so funny to me And they were so involved in my life I mean, I tell a story about my thing in Maricombe, you know, that was in my life And he wasn't the first one the first real gay man in my life was a santeria gay, dude

And he used to always say shit to me like when they're gonna fuck you in the ass And he would tell me like in front of my mother and I go you fuck me in ass. I'm gonna fuck you up motherfucker Right like I would fuck you up in front of my god Like my real name is Antonio and my mom would put like white shoes on me and he would go Me those are sabbaticals to Jose Antonio. I'd say hey motherfucker. I'll fuck you up You know, like I was fucking angry my father died and this guy would say shit to me to get my blood going like you know in front of everybody He would go to me this was sure to get it in Jose Antonio Yeah, lindo and I said don't be fucking look at me a little fucking faggot. I'll fucking kick your fucking ass

So one night he tickled me and I'm like don't fucking tickle me you fuck Don't fucking tickle me. Don't touch me and shit and I said to him. I hope you fucking die you fucking faggot And the next day he died Yeah, and they fucking though the santeria people took me to a house And they were like you better never ever Ever they started throwing coconuts, you know when you do santeria you got four coconuts And that's how they asked permission and they were like you better never ever ever wish that found somebody again They blamed you as a six-year-old not even by mistake not even to say that's why that's why I was a Spanish person one day

Said you know your number 13 under under understand hope death pool. I fucking when this is easy to go on Facebook I wrote him a Spanish I go Spanish people don't talk that way He's like I forgot you're right You know, we don't we don't fucking go on death list or nothing. That's against our fucking we don't think about death Spanish white people love talking about insurance policies and I'm leaving my piano to my kid Spanish people don't do nothing. They don't sign the will to every like in the coma You gotta hold that coma hand and that's when they'll sign the will come on sign it come on So we don't have to suffer, you know saying Spanish people

Don't be dying and they'll fucking most signed. Oh my god, Jews I've known for like 15 years where everything is my mom and dad show me. Oh, yeah, they call me when they move it Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude fucking forest lawn. They they have plans. Yeah a lot of Jewish people in forest lawn They have like they've owned that they've owned their burial plots for like 50 years. I bet they own it That's bad luck for Spanish people. We don't know that fuck. No come on. I'll lose some money Put me in the yard like my uncle they put him in the yard. He's back there for years 15,000 to bury somebody put him in the fucking yard Can you imagine I just take somebody home put some powder on it

Please don't tell me there's buried bodies buried in yards in New Jersey. I'm gonna say that I ain't gonna say nothing. I don't want to fucking nobody knows that nobody knows nothing here Just talk. I'm just talking here from the fucking on But okay, so I go to the fourth wall and I'm looking for the answer to my problems. I I'm looking number two. I'm going through something. I'm not feeling well every night about five o'clock. I Started feeling fucking shitty something wasn't right. I started taking blood tests and piss tests And there was something in my stomach and I didn't know what the fuck it was. I started drinking computia So I just had a lot of shit going through my head and Netflix was starting to put the process together

So I wanted to go back to basics. So I started going to the fourth wall to watch hoping Micers in Their most primitive form. I like the fourth wall because it made you sit there and watch Other comics that's what that's what really lured me to that But if you signed up for family, you got to sit in here for the whole fucking hour And watch everybody and it forced me I love watching comedy But I also want to laugh Soon as I sit down, I want to laugh. I don't want to rehearse shit. I Don't want shit that you practice in the mirror and I want you to react to the room

Whatever happens, that's what I'm looking to see my favorite thing in the world is getting high And if I have a 1015 spotted the store go at 915 and sit in the back of the room and watch those comics and learn So I went to the fourth wall to learn But the biggest lesson I'd learned two things in the fourth wall I learned that what it was to feel like you guys I made myself feel like you guys Yeah, and it backfired it fucked my head up Because I don't need to feel like that again but I also got to see you and

I've been thinking a lot about you lately because The problem my Netflix special was that I wasn't me and I watched you on stage and right now you're a breath of fresh air to me fuck because you Do comedy There's only two gay dudes that I've seen and I've seen a lot of gay guys do comedy I hate talking about Spanish comedy and black comedy and Jewish comedy. I hate that shit But in the gay world if you're a gay man There's only two guys that I've seen go up there with balls of steel as a gay man

And that's you and this guy Ian from Santa Barbara Who had opened for me in New York? Which is a trip because the first night of Gotham. It was Gotham now Gotham is a place where there's fights people get it Yeah, last time over Dean Delray a lady picked up a table and threw it this poor little gay in Guy lives in he's helping book the room in Orange County now So if you guys want to do it, let me know maybe we'll all three of us to do it together and He's booking this room down Orange County And I used him and he would move to New York. He wanted to give I saw him in Santa Barbara

I worked in Santa Barbara And I could see he made When you're gay and you're white and you make people uncomfortable you're my guy You're my guy. That's what I want to see. I want to see a guy go move That means mentally his is mental his You made him so uncomfortable that his brain told him to move his asshole So you can't get to it So if he's sitting this way with his girlfriend like rubbing her hand, he'll fucking slow

He'll lock and load that ass Because that's what I want to see that's real comedy if you're a gay man If you're gonna go up there and talk that Beverly Hills shit to impress them and this guy's amazing And try to be captain Griffin and drag. I ain't taking a fucking ride with you I want you to tell me about your fucking fears Tell me what's going on in your world and that's the first time I saw you You know you did a bit about going to gay bar and Some guy sucked a dick in a tent

And there was a fist fight and I'm fucking in the back howling And then the second one you told is one of the best written jokes If I had a sit here and write the ten best written jokes that have made me laugh You know jokes that have sincerely made me laugh. Hi, my name is Charlie Hill Used to be mountain, but I'm shortened it You know Charlie Hill is the Indian, you know from the store the first time I heard him say my name is Charlie Hill I shortened it from mountain dog. I almost fell off my chair Okay, as dumb as that fucking joke is bro. I heard Rodney danger feel somebody posted a Rodney joke yesterday on

Facebook and he goes I get no respect I even wanted a diet and back five. I went on the rice diet. I didn't lose any weight But every half hour I had an iron shirt. I fucking lost it though. I fucking lost it. I Love all great jokes, but a great bit a great bit Rogan's One of the greatest bits of all time is Rogan when the chick from Texas And a Nicole Smith Nicole Smith. That's one of the greatest bits of all time Bro, I was such a great and brilliant bit that Mitzi

Sure told to stop doing it in the main room because people couldn't follow it Like that. It was how brilliant of a bit and the Cole Smith was Once he married the old guy that everybody's like father and he went and got himself a Kentucky fried hooker Oh my god till this day I still laugh at those fucking jokes and the joke about him like, you know, why do you want to go to the strip club? Well Because somebody told me that you could see a woman's pussy for a dollar And every time I'm driving open the store

I'm like, maybe I should go to a strip club tonight. It's 10 o'clock. I'm like, why would I go to a strip club for it? Also, I'm like Joey because you can see a woman's pussy for a dollar Don't blame me I could see a pussy for Tony Nichols. I fucking died. He says that type of shit. I love jokes, you know Fucking Richard Pryor The nigger meets Dracula Are you fucking crazy like who's smoking popcorn? We got to think of a bit here. I saw this motherfucker again I he looked like Dracula. That's right a joke about Fuck what imagination gets that like what

But your bit on the taking the Arab home No Is one of the funniest things because the twist at the end like I told you beginning of the show And I have no reason to blow smoke up your ass the twist at the end, which I will not reveal Is one of the most brilliant things and if you write that joke out and somebody's looking for a writing sample You just go like this with that joke They'll ask you Are you guy?

This is about me bitch This is something that happened to me and then you go. Oh, you want another one? Let me tell you about the man. I saw a guy blow the guy in the tent. Are you another one about the guy? I fucked the guy with the ball in his mouth when you said that one that night I was losing myself because people will not say that shit look at half the people at the fourth wall What bothered me the most? Let me give some hold on one second. Let me give some shout-outs before we go into this Real quick my group my new sweetheart on Facebook the hottest chick on Facebook Leticia Katon. I love you. You do Jewish Puerto Rican fucking savage. She's Jewish Puerto Rican

Yeah, she's fucking savage John Joyce my man Dennis Rice Cash Donovan Quentin Page Matthew Schneider John Rizzy Stuart Fleming Robert Reed Jake Caparoon and my man Rip Ripley you bad motherfucker Don't forget me and Kato being Salt Lake City walking around Thursday Friday Saturday But I'll be at the Kansas City Improv fucking August 9th through the 11th And I'll see you motherfuckers done with Dean Del Rizzy filthy fucking animals and don't forget

I'll be in Huntsville, Alabama Nashville, Zany's at the end of the month in August We'll burn that bridge when we get to it right now. Let's worry about Salt Lake City. You bad motherfuckers Anyway, so now You're 15 You Don't see yourself in Colorado is no it it I don't even and the thing of it was is that I played football like I came from a wrestling family They love like my cousin the uncle that raised me

He's he's the head wrestling coach and he took state and everything and we're like brothers We look we look a lot alike. He's got a wife He's got three beautiful kids and we look just like each other and the funny thing is is when I go down there I'll have grinder on and they're like, oh shit. Is that coach on fucking? And like I always got a tell him like hey just so you know, this is who I am Because they love an anonymity in fucking Colorado because they can't be gay So what cracks me up about it is is I always got to tell him. Hey, I'm not I'm not your fucking coach So don't don't

Did you have encounters in Colorado before you went to New York or were your first encounters in New York? Because New York is a little place to be gay at yeah, if I was in the big gay, that's the cap No, you're right. You're exactly right. That's that's why I saw it I saw it front and center in front of me Yep, and it was very interesting to see I saw the growth like I said in that story on Comedy Central I still remember Martin missing a tooth some weeks Some weeks he come over you have a black eye some weeks he got stabbed This is when it wasn't eco-friendly to be gay

1972-73-75 it wasn't eco-friendly People two men were not walking down the street and he would take 50 yards before somebody pulled over kicked him in the stomach Got back in the car who they're gonna call the cops are gonna get out He was wearing a stilto boot sealer there. Yeah, he has to You know Fuck these motherfuckers get confused Because in the gay world, there's some crazy people too fuck. Yeah, crazy people too. It's the older gaze You don't fuck with you know, I watched that I love all the FX series and then Andrew Cunanan one

Was fucking disturbing. That's the guy that killed Versace. Oh That started like, you know, he was fucking nuts Nuts and you know in my many years of doing drugs, you know, and when I was younger the big circle to get the elite drugs Like yeah, you get coke from anybody, but when you want to elite cocaine There was a gay lady a lesbian when you wanted when I bought all those kwayloons the best kwayloons I bought was my lesbian girl a brother was a gangster real mafia and like Wikipedia and everything still not gonna tell you their name But I used to buy kwayloons from my sister. That was simple. They were mafia kwayloons You know, there was a time when they get the best coke you had to go to the the meat market that place

I told you wow. Yeah, the one gay bar with the three floors Ramrods the Ramrods and that's why I saw them use the rush. I love yeah, they would use rough such aggressive names bullet Ramrod They would have poppers They would break poppers absolutely then make out with each other and I would sit there go what? Fuck is going on, but I never looked down on it You know, I never it wasn't for me to judge and that's that's a thing in Colorado It was it was one of those things where I didn't dare come out and like I think everybody kind of knew But it was one of those things where it's like, okay, we're not gonna talk about it. That's let's not talk about it

I'll play football. I was an all-conference football. How do your family react to it? I Moved in New York and met somebody and I came back and My mom was surprised she was like, okay, and she's like I honestly didn't know I'm like really and she's like I had questions, but I I took you at your word and Then like cousins and stuff like that people that I was close to and told them they were like Why didn't you ever tell us you could have told us and it was almost like they were mad That you didn't tell them because that's it's a weird thing because you really don't know how somebody's gonna react

Because the thing about it like you talk about honesty and in comedy and shit like that People don't like when I say faggot on stage like other other gay comics I've had other gay comics scold me for saying that word. I Grew up around that word. You say them when they come up to you and scold you I Listen to him because I know it's coming from a place of pain I I know that and they're like you you know, you could do that joke so much better and In my no you can't that gay don't work that funny No, you can't faggot is a word because it's a word not because it's gay

I don't use it at all and a gay kind of I have no beef at all with gay men. My god. I have no beef at all I Respect for gay men. That's a that's the gay salute. You know I'm saying I Got no beef. I love this. I put my hand through this little hole and I can still blow it at Lee He's still hold on. I like how he blames me for the flies and the bugs Listen to me I always blame I always take responsibility for the farts when the fly comes in here He chases your fucking fat little fucking

Nope, I was in here with Ralph. Yeah, I've been here with eight or seven people Lies on your neck before they've called me the next day and said why is there bees and animals on Lee's neck all the time? Because he's a filthy fucking animal. He said fucking hummus and you don't bathe you only bathe. Oh my god You only bathe in the morning. He's supposed to bathe twice before you come to this office late o'clock You take a shower. I don't want that grease coming to your neck all day long I have a greasy neck. Yes, you do when that sun shines on your fucking neck Yeah, the three feet you walk per day it makes that I smell it sometimes I could smell your neck That's why I smell my neck because I'm getting to be an old man way in the worst. No, I don't

Keep The Friday blow that way towards you and keep talking like another one percolating that's gonna knock your fucking wiggle off This will give you more hair than fucking for him's This will grow you smell what's coming out of my ass next. I'll wake up tomorrow. You'll be a beetle You understand me like one of the people say what happened to leave is a gentleman John Lennon So is my hair gonna smell like your shit you who knows I don't know how was that weed to just smoke So I forgot about fucking mum over here Let me ask you a question. So cuz you do one night. We're at the

One night. I mean when you I watched you I Watched your couple nights. I'm like this this guy's fucking hilarious disguise He's in a different league and nobody knows it cuz he's hitting up here They're forcing them to hide but that ends tonight and It was funny because then you came outside you spoke to me about Paul Mooney, and if you know anything about me That's the education that I got I got the education of Paul Mooney and that's what I forgot when I shot my Netflix special And that's what I forgot

when I went up to the fourth wall and I forgot it again. I told Bobby Lee and I told this to rogue and I told a couple people That Jim Norton Said something once and it kind of bothered me. He said that he doesn't watch other comic specials And I thought that was kind of arrogant and I fucking got it why he doesn't watch other comic special Because it takes your mind away and it lets you think you know I'm really concerned about the mind. I'm always very concerned about the mind and what goes on in it And would stand up we have to be ourselves

The biggest thing that people say to us is be yourself be yourself We never know what that I never know what that meant. I don't know what that means I have no idea what be yourself means You know that means for a guy like me to go up there and talk about what I do best Well, I tell Lee on the phone when I'm on the phone when we in these laughing and we're doing our thing That's what I do best not when I try to be a witty writer Not when I try to be somebody I'm not yeah, you have to be who you are you my friend? non-stage at the five-year mark have found yourself, which is

Truly amazing You know, it's just truly amazing. You know once this Special airs. I'm gonna get more dates and I'm gonna take you out in a couple of dates Just so the world sees you and they're not gonna like you at first You're gonna come up to me and go These people in this fucking club do not like me, but I don't want you to give a fuck Because that's the same education I had from Rogan They didn't like me and after a while. I knew they weren't gonna like me

So I went out there balls to the wall and it taught me something difference about comedy They're not gonna like you but if I stick around long enough, you're gonna fucking like me. I Got an old adage. You may not suck my dick today, but you're gonna suck I know you got a boyfriend and you love my no But you got one weakness you do cocaine and I supply that cocaine So one night somewhere where You're gonna suck my fucking helmet because I'm gonna show up with an able and catch you off gosh That was then you know saying now. I don't want my dick sucked. I'm married

It's the truth You know when you leave the house in the morning and you have that type mentality when you go on stage and you go They really gonna suck my dick You know saying like they're either gonna laugh or they're gonna suck my dick. That's who Joe Diaz is And I forgot until I saw you and the other night when I watched Kenison on that CNN comedy show, I'm like That's who fucking I Called him immediately And I said we got to get him on the show because now I got the hook

To get you on the show because I just don't like putting people on the show You know people complain. Hey man, put me on your show. You got no reason for me to put you on the show There's no way you're gonna go with it you your prime You're ready. You're ready to go out there and do 20 minutes Every fucking week and let these people see you and you're gonna go through some oh They're gonna love you in the Bible belt. You know saying That's you're gonna you're gonna fucking want to quit That's that's the thing of it though is like I went to a friend's graduation in Lawrence, Kansas

and all of his buddies were around and I Was I was making gay jokes and they were laughing Because the thing about it is I don't get booked on little shows around West Hollywood I don't and I think a lot of that is because I say faggot or I it's just it's a different kind of perspective That's not to say that's the only reason like it. It's just it's strange though like I Don't know how I would do for a gay crowd that was just strictly built for gay but I was talking with my friend and he's like

You don't want that and I realized that that's that's what the truth is is I want to be able to go to Greeley and I want to walk into a room where it's mostly straight people They they don't know anybody gay. They don't know anything like that and if I can walk in there and fucking get them Then that means the fucking world to me that that's that's where comedy is, you know We do when we did that detox center. It's like oh, okay. That's where they fucking need comedy Because it's like holy shit like that that room was just so dour and it's like Fuck I don't even want to fucking be here But then we start riffing them we start joking about you know

What we did when we were drunk and how fucked up it was and they start laughing a little bit And it just it feels better And that's that's what I listen to your fucking laugh compilation When I get up out of bed in the morning because I don't want to fucking go to work I don't want to fucking go to work. I get up. I have to drag myself I'll listen to fucking I'll listen to church. I'll listen to fucking old Opium anthony shit I'll listen to anything to get me the fuck out of bed and do my job

So that I can go to fourth wall and try something that happened or try a bit that that might work And I don't know what's gonna work. Do you want to be a comedian? Oh, I fucking It's it's all I that's all I live and breathe now. It's like fucking You know, I I I wanted to put myself in situations where they were fucking they were tough Because it was like You know, the first time I ever went to the store really quick. I gotta tell you this I was like, okay, this is gonna happen. I I I'm I'm excited because you always hear about it So I went there and Doug stanhope was gonna be there

And I was like, okay, I'm gonna fucking break my cherry on stanhope. This is amazing And I remember standing there and the door guys were come on this way. Come on. Let's go They weren't, you know, they weren't mean, but it wasn't like a jovial. Hey, welcome to it was like come on. Let's go I was like, all right And I remember when I walked in it was cold And it was fucking black and it was dark and those neon lights were on And blaring was when the levee breaks lead zeppelin

And I was fucking scared I don't know why I got really anxious and I was like, oh fuck. This is this is a crazy dark place and I sat down and Fucking stanhope just he crushed like I it was amazing And then I walked out of there and I just I walked like for an hour and a half And it was just like What the fuck was that? And that's why like the store when you talk about the store and you're like, yeah, I'm going up at 10

I went there two nights ago with my buddy We were just sitting in the back and I was watching these paid regulars Because everybody's in montreal a lot of people are in montreal and I was like, I'm going to see the real New word paid regulars and I wanted to see that And when you watch them, it's like you're still learning shit And I'm like, fuck man. It was the first time ever that I was like, I want I want that bomb in the or I fucking want that because I got to do that like fucking a thousand times In order to do well because the thing that you don't realize is when you go up in the main room or you go up in the or

You fucking crush You do and I Look, I'm here. I'm telling you. Yes. Oh me me as it's yeah you and it's it I I compare it to this Do you watch that new Elvis documentary? Yes on HBO. Absolutely the thing that that got me about because I was like I never got into Elvis because I I don't know brilliant and I looked and watching that guy perform I was like, oh, he's got the voice But it's the fucking performance when when he would throw out his arms And he would fucking do that shit and he would just he had this fucking attitude

You have that when you walk on stage It's it's it's it's the whole thing. Yeah, and it is it's fear I don't know what the fuck it is because when you walk out there, like I said mooney has it's it's this fucking Well, that's what I got attitude. Yeah, that's what it's this attitude. I get mad at Lee. I get mad every day of late Because Lee thinks about Shit, and I told him two weeks ago. I told him if you don't get rid of that, you're never gonna be a good cop Gotta get rid of that that shit that you have until you don't get rid of that It's not gonna work out for you. You're gonna take it to a certain level

It's not gonna work out for you. You gotta take that safety then let it go In all aspects of your life And it's really weird like you think about and you're like, what the fuck is he saying? What the fuck is he saying So we and I was I was scared of everything when I got in the comedy And the more I did comedy the more that pussy shit I had to get rid of Like I had to get rid of it And I got in the prison

And I had done a thousand things before I got into comedy But I was still such a fucking little mama's boy When I got into comedy, I thought it was gonna be a perfect world But I knew for me to get where I was going. It couldn't be perfect Because this is perfect and it's not But I'm better off than sitting at the fourth wall And doing five shows at the fourth wall and sleeping in my van Do you know what I'm saying? Oh, fuck yeah, so I knew that

For this to be perfect There was gonna be some years of imperfection and that means you have to Get out Of your comfort zone. You don't like eating ass Gotta eat that I don't give a fuck what you like or what you don't like Because while you're eating ass, you're gonna think of a joke While you're doing all that nasty disgusting stuff

You're thinking of jokes when you take your dick out of a woman and she pussy farts And then goes I'm just sitting there next to her you're like this is life. You cannot be a comic without life experiences Every time I go to the fourth wall I get angry as fuck For two things the comics touch the mic And then they take their phone out like the answer to their fucking problems Is on this stupid fucking phone Show me one stand-up who looks on that fucking phone

For you to become a good stand-up you gotta get rid of that phone because you gotta live life You gotta see every fucking picture You gotta see every fucking picture if you're too busy doing this you can't do it You're gonna be limited to this To be a great, you know, I I I love when people fucking call me shit And call me names and call me a bullshit. I didn't have the life I had I laugh because I was forced by my mother dying

I was forced to live a different life You think I like sitting on a fucking bar Is that what you think? I love doing drugs I could do drugs till the cows come home But you will not see me in a fucking bar in a booth Acting like johnny bananas Drinking bottle service you'll never see me would you would never see when I was 25 either I like doing drugs in my own house. Yeah, I don't like people saying me weak

Yeah, why would you want to see somebody see you all week? You know Joe Rogan in the 20 year relationship. He caught me on coke one night and I couldn't even make eye contact with him I just sat in his car and kept looking straight. He told me he wasn't coming down So I went off early and all of a sudden he showed up. I was like god damn it. He goes come on get in the car Let's go for a ride And I'm gonna call coke dot With the window open. We had a super Smoking cigarettes like fucking trial might make my jaw stop

You know embarrassed. I wasn't from because I never wanted him to see me on coke. He knew I did coke and that's fine But I never ever wanted him to see me do coke because it was my weakest point You know, uh I don't even know how we got in this conversation about drinking all about you getting out of the safety all this shit when I break your balls That you you can't become a comic if you eat three types of sushi Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, you can't become a good comic if you eat shrimp tuna and spicy tuna You have no life experiences

You have no this is why I'm I'm appreciative that Lee's going through what he's going through now Because and you guys saved him He was on the couch every night listening to some chick talk about bugs and Stupid fucking tv shows and he was buying it He was buying it. He was really buying into and I had a problem He didn't know how lucky he was he got rid of her and started his own life And I don't care if he does stand up or not. That's not the reason why I love him I love him that he's free and he's dirty and he's seeing the world for what he is

But you can't get be a good stand-up. You know when you told me you went to the gay bar with him that night I almost jerked off all over my side I was gonna jerk off coming my hand and throw it in my face like the priest throws it When you're a young kid they just throw it in your face Yeah, because that's how happy you made me that you went to a gay bar because you did something Just the fact that he did something You know, I have a friend that comes in here and does coke. I don't do cocaine I don't want to do coke

But he's gonna have to do it one time if he's gonna be a good comment Just not enough to get him a heart attack Just to taste it till he gets his dick sucked or something You know, you know, this is a life that we live I don't want you to be a junkie. I've never wanted him to eat 20 edibles But I don't want him to go out with a bunch of comics one night and they'd give him an edible when they fuck him up Because then now I gotta go fuck somebody else. Yeah So I'll fuck him up and I'll take care of him because he knows I take care of him

Yep So nobody could fuck with him when I give him a fucking animal tranquilizer And he don't know it and he tells me that he fell asleep with his clothes on You know what I'm saying I got him I got him He took it from me. You know what I am like, so But then like that's a Because when you said a couple minutes ago that I need to stop doing things. I've been thinking about it I don't I forget when you have to for you to get to that next level in your life

Right, you got not this shit off But you also told me to not to not be as dirty as I've been. I don't think I'm that dirty I want you to be clean the beginning. So you the first two years you should be clean just to learn how it is You don't look like a guy that's gonna talk about eating your ass. Do you eat ass? No, then why would you talk about it? I don't do you fuck people in front of the breakfast? Have you ever fucked somebody in the ass and come in their face? No, then how you gonna talk about it? I don't okay. Then what do you talk about not having sex? No, I don't talk about But you told me even then you like don't be that dirty. No, I want you to do it. Don't do it

Like I did it. I'm a loser. It took me 27 years when it could have took me 15 You follow I'm trying to say to you It took me 27, but I could have done it in 15 if I would have done these same facts that I'm telling you to fucking knock on Just shut your fucking mouth and do your first two years clean And at the end of two years then come back to me and I'll go okay this year. You're gonna work improv But I've never done improv. I've never gone through the groundlings. I really don't give a fuck the first time I see you do a joke on the road. I will fire you you will go home on your own dime You will not do a fucking joke in front of me. I want you to go up there and say hello

How are you people tonight? What do you do for a living and start right there and go backwards? And that's what you do for a year and then I'm gonna make you break that habit And every time I see you talking to the audience, I'm gonna make you get off. I'm gonna throw something at you A fucking yo-yo a rock a fucking quarter until I cut you until I cut you That means now, but guess what by the end of five years. I'm gonna give you an education I'm gonna teach you how to be dirty for two. I'm gonna teach you how to be dirty for two I'm gonna teach you how to do improvise for one I'm gonna teach you how to stop improvising because it's a bad fucking habit

But I want you to know it I don't want you have cigarettes on you No, you don't smoke. No, I don't want you to smoke cigarettes, but I do want you to smoke a cigarette I don't want you to smoke cigars, but I do want you to smoke a cigar Do I want you to suck Eric's cock? It wouldn't be nice if I get a picture. I'll start to be inquiring but I don't want you to suck his cock But I enjoyed that you went with him to a gay bar and experienced it And I enjoy that he loves you as much as he does and I know that he would never let nothing happen

When you tell me you're with him at two in the morning I know the worst that could happen is you could fall asleep and wake up with your pants on backwards And the ass is a little sore and he he's sleeping dreaming with a smile I went to the when I went to the gay bar. I was so overwhelmed in there You have to be I'm overwhelmed You see me hang on gay bars now I wouldn't walk into a fucking gay bar today if you paid me because I don't I didn't talk to them about it was raining and I turned the wrong way out of the bar

So for 10 minutes, I thought that my car was stolen and I was gonna have to tell you that my car got stolen When I was at the gay bar scared to come back and do a fucking bar This can't happen to me because every every time nothing happens to me for 29 years And then I meet joey and then everything bad happens. I never got one sty I get a sty coming back on the day of a podcast two years of clean comedy One year of improvised comedy one more year of clean comedy And then you could talk about sex, but then you're on the road in the car So you're meeting different people. You're without joey. You're in montana

You're in mioming. You're in fucking Idaho. You're gonna get notices that'll tell you don't curse Cause there's a Mormon audience tonight. What are you doing? Do they tell you that in advance? They just book you Lee They book you they go. Hey, you're gonna work august Seven to the 11th, which is Tuesday through Saturday, right? And then the week of the gig they're gonna email you and you're gonna print it and it's gonna pre-apprint that With the five gigs and the first gigs want to say You can't be blue as a feature act and you're gonna go thank god joey Made me work clean for two years

Is that what the store was for you guys like a training ground or was this just shit? No, no My training ground was triple My training ground was driving in triple. That's the training ground of killers We'll talk to the triple if you need to somebody call triple I'll call triple for you and get you and fuck over here in the car Out there in the winter january with ski tires on When you gotta get off stage, you're the only mexican in Idaho in this part of my They've never seen a mexican. They touch you funny. Can I touch you?

You ever see that episode of the Sopranos? What's uh, what's this? What's Elvis land where there's no jews and no italians? That's what they send you to do comedy So first of all, you got to go up on stage and you go hi and lisa and i'm jewish right away. You're losing half the audience Like half the places where you go to the train. They've never seen a jew. They'll come up to you later on and touch you I've never tested you before my first jew. It's hysterical You know when I was going to these places people had never heard of a cuban And I was saying dumb jokes. I was like I swam here in a two by four. You know shit like that. They would love it

They would love it because that was they did their ideology of a cuban You know, I would talk about desioners and stupid shit. They would love it. That was my way of I didn't know what to do then I did not I had no idea what to do, you know The store. Yes. The store was the second part of my education the store. Okay When I walked into the economy store I was doing comedy Honestly, honestly, five years Savagery and three years

Stupidity It was my first two years were very There's a lot of comics in this town that i'm a comic and they had a business card I had a business card, you know, you really did. Yeah. I'm a comic and I told people But I would always book these gigs but I would get too coked up to get down there So by the time the gig at 11, I would always cancel so I was unreliable And then I went to new york And I did nine months in new york

And at the new york comedy club, I kind of got it. I kind of got what it was and then I saw something at the At the uh This bar I saw John Legrezzamo performing and that's what it all came to me It takes you three years just for the whole mechanism to come to you Takes years just for the combination to come to you Once it comes to you and you set your plan on what you're going to do That was what I did then everything All the negative shit that you heard all your life

went away Like it all came to play somebody told you something once And now comedy Is living that like when I went to prison and they did the mental evaluation and all that That guy told me he goes I kept asking because all the other invicts kept saying what did your paperwork say? I'm like, I don't know and they're like you you don't want to know you've got to pay your attorney to find out That's what the feds know about you know this shit And I forget what it's called the first week you go to canyons city you go to a place where they do mental testing diagnostic

diagnostic And what the diagnostic report said was that anything I wanted that if I wanted something I would take it That if I wanted something you had I would take it, you know And I remember when I came back from colorado and I really when I came back from new york after doing nine months And just getting beat up You know nine months in new york is an emotional beating as a comic my second year It was like because it wasn't just the emotional beating lee has a degree

In fact the end of three years lee doesn't like what happens. He goes back to fucking editing He could run a podcast division. He could run a radio store now. I had no qualifications comedy was it dog I already had the felonies had two felonies great two felonies Now everybody's looking jumping out of their way to hide you The little mickey mouse degree wasn't really gonna do nothing to me once they investigated They knew that my degree was gonna be a mickey mouse So I had no options

When I got it when I got into comedy the only option was living in a car traveling And not answering to anybody That was all I was good at doing was not answering to anybody and living my own life I could be there at eight. I could get up at eight in the morning. I could do all that shit But the drugs made me unreliable, you know So when I walked into the store at the eight-year mark I didn't know it was like a re-education if that's what you're asking. Yeah. Yes. It was a re-education and just like you My spots were late

And Paul Mooney would come on at 12 Fuck and when I left seattle somebody had came up to me one day and turned me on to the album called race When all that shit was going down with oj and nicole Oh, fucking and I could lie to you. I could lie to both of you in the audience and say that I've known about Paul Mooney on my life. I didn't know who Paul Mooney was till 1995 And I've been into Richard Pryor since 1975 74 So I never knew who Paul Mooney was and then I read a book

I read some book And it mentioned Paul Mooney and Richard Pryor and they wrote together and then There was rumors that Paul Mooney blew Richard Pryor when he was coked out one night and shit like that And just you know when he walked into the store It was like this big legend And I had his cd and in those days when you had somebody's cassette. That's what I had. I had a cassette I thought I thought those were the best two kids like I loved delirious And I loved andrew dice clay's first album

But at that time I was listening to the night the laughter died Oh and race those are two great comedy CDs for the five-year comic to listen to The first year comic cannot digest those two CDs, especially the night the laughter died Oh my god, we listened to that and I I was like the fucking balls to do this Is insane. I I was sitting there and I literally was like there were moments where I would fucking cringe. It's be like, what the fuck And that's the gift. I'm not even just a deal but to put it out. Oh, yeah, that that was why we were like this. That's the gift To make you go To make your catholic when I say have to have to fucking jokes. I say you don't think they ring my catholicism bell

Are you really fucking crazy? Are you fucking crazy? Do you know that the first couple years of my life I couldn't do comedy in front of my really really really really good friends Because I didn't want them to know I thought this way Like I would do shows in jersey and bomb Eat dicks bags people that'll never even talk to me again. These people would leave embarrassed Because I would freeze up in front of them. I never wanted them to know I had those thoughts Even though you had done drugs with them and

I didn't want them to have these thoughts. I didn't know I get that I fucking and then when I did the I did a rock bar a couple years ago. I ate a bag of dicks Oh Before I started working Gotham I did this bar called Something beautiful the bitter end the bitter end I've heard about that. I did the bitter end five or six years ago Yeah, I did the bitter end. I got 170 people in there on a tuesday night

And my friends were there from the sixth grade And I could not go into my material though I'm trying to improvise. I'm getting red in the face I could feel sweat beads going from the back of my head down my back onto my jeans It was horrible. At the end I was going to a fight. I blamed a lot of shit that night hecklers It was me. It was me that couldn't do that material in front of my dear friends now I don't give a fuck like you I thought a lot about you when I was shooting the special and I thought about

What I wanted because everybody kept saying this is the first time people are going to see you In other countries and stuff. So you really want to introduce yourself, you know, bro. I missed the boat This is all not just being funny Don't introduce yourself. I don't have to say hello I don't have to say goodbye. I don't have to tell you I'm gay I don't have to tell you I'm an addict. I don't have to tell you I went to prison I have one job as a comic and that's to be fucking funny. Yeah That's it

And we get confused and I want to I brought you on the show To thank you to your face For unconfusing me You unconfused me about comedy like now. I know who I am by seeing you When you're on stage you just took kennison that Some people can't wait to tell you they're fucking gay In today's society, I can't wait to tell you I got mental illness So they everybody wants to tell you they got something like a ptsd

All those years of doing drugs and joey Gave me Anxiety does it go shut your fucking mouth Before you became gay before you became a comic before I became a felon Before I did anything. We're both men Men and we have an obligation as men When you go up on stage and you're a catholic man, especially with art It's fucking hard to begin it

But if you look into what do you think jesus one of the apostles didn't crack fucking jokes to jesus down the time Is that they just don't tell you in the bible, but that would be one of those motherfuckers That had to go, you know jesus what's up with the sandals, you know saying? The fuck, you know, you think richard prior wrote that joke again What would you do if somebody actually told jesus? Don't you go down there and mess with them jews without no money? But it got passed down to richard prior like in chicago where he was growing up in mowing chicago wherever he grew up You know, that's what it felt like when you I met jesus. I met him on the railroad depot

I told them don't go down there Don't you go down there and mess with them jews without no money The first time I heard that I had to be 10 and I really knew what the fuck they were talking what year that Uh, the niggas crazy come out. I shouldn't be googling this Oh It says It was released stacks On may in may of 1974 and then were prized in november 10th 1975

Yeah, look at this shit This is just too much to even jesus comprehend laugh your head off This is even too much to fucking comprehend I even got some Bob Newhart in here now Ha ha Even like like cosby the himself

I know my first interaction to it. I fucking I'll listen to that today and it's like jesus That shit Look at this Look at this album cover that that niggas crazy Dear night when he was on uh some show to promote this And they said I can't do the white woman goes. Oh, yeah I can't even say the word Look at this. Look at the names of this the jokes. I hope I'm funny niggas with a seizure

Have your ass home by 11 black and white lifestyle the exorcist Why no dealing with Dracula? Flying saucers the back down black man white woman niggas versus the police Why no versus junkie richard prior this album is brilliant. Is this something I said? You legit shortage of white people new niggas cocaine just us Mudbone intro then the sad two is mudbone little feats When your woman leaves you the good night kiss women are beautiful And our text for today

And then bison tenio niggas classic. This is one that I got thrown out of Ray Canella's house for what? Oh my god, I brought this to his house Black hollywood mudbone goes to hollywood chinese restaurant acid bison tenio niggas This is one. This is it guys Hillbilly black and white women our gang and bison tenio prayer. This is this is uh My fucking childhood 1976 he would release one of these every fucking year See that's the that was but see you can do that because

You could tape these In a you could take these in 10 weeks nobody would know It's sides and they would just put them together So it would take me a month to tape you got a month to tape a fucking album Jesus Every night I go out and do 20 minutes and you tape it until we got an hour. That's it That's what I'm gonna do from that one. I'm bringing it right back to vinyl and fucking cassette. I'm not doing no more specials I'm done never again. Yeah. Yeah

This should be out in like october. They told me degenerates Lee's been helped edit it. You know, we made it look as good as we can It's not my best work by far. You know, I wish I had more Eric Rocha The balls of Eric Rocha in there, but somewhere along the line. I got scared and I forgot who the fuck I am So just thank you for reminding me who the fuck I am and keep doing what you're doing Uh, if the name of the netflix thing is degenerates you and lee We'll be having dates under the degenerate tour 2018 2019

Uh, and that's it man. You really make me laugh if you guys out there listening, you know I don't know if you have a web page. Yeah, eric rocha comedy dot com eric rocha comedy dot com You know, it's it's funny that I go to cry cryotherapy And you told me you were going to gay pride. So out of respect for you Every uh, time I went to cryotherapy gay month. I put on Madonna The guys would go, why do you listen to Madonna? Why do you listen to Madonna? And I go because I have respect for gay pride month and they would just look at me at the cryo place And look at each other and go, what the fuck is wrong with him?

So after gay pride, I went back to biggie wanting, you know what I'm saying? But I'm still going to keep them honest with Madonna burning up like a virgin and physical attraction Drives fucking gay people crazy when you put Madonna doesn't it they go fucking bananas Especially the Beverly Hills gay community. They go fucking nuts It's funny. I have a friend and uh, and uh, and Hollywood and she's a comic not anymore She's a drunk and I love it dearly, but we don't chat anymore because she's too much of a drunk But she's really part of a big uh gay and she goes to pride. She does all that stuff

And she introduced me to a lot of gay guys And I like 30% of them in Hollywood because I think that they were doing it for all the wrong reasons You know, like I know what a gay guy acts like All my life my mom at the bar You know my thing of money going I loved him I loved him because he used to tell me stories about music He was Cuban and he knew about the Ramones and fucking

He had gone to see the almond brothers. He said he sold crazy coke to one of the almond You'll have a deep an ego. I said it It's a deep um pedicato. He used to always tell me all these stories about coke. He would sell to But he would always go see the Ramones. Was it the Ramones and shit like that that would zb gb's and punk Yeah, cb gb's I think My mom used to always say you like my thing of money Go don't ever come home with a story because I'll bust your fucking head and I'll bust his fucking head too But my mother always loved Martin the fag

But Eric I gotta tell you something. I just wanted to bring you on the podcast To thank you, you know, you said to me one night Again back to the conversation uh You said That there's a lot of comics that don't shake your hand there's No, the there was one

Uh that didn't like the the gay material I was doing And uh, he said i'm not shaking your fucking hand what you just said. That's disgusting. Was he gay or straight? He was straight And you said something to me that you thought I would like you I did when I first met you it was like because I I had felt bad and It was it was one of the things where in west Hollywood I was like am I am I saying to am I saying faggot too much? Am I am I you know? Because the one thing I didn't want to do is I didn't want to hurt You know my community because like or not those are my fuck. That's that's my brothers and sisters right there

So I was like, all right, maybe I need to back off that what what what the fuck am I doing here? You know, it's not like they they ostracized me. They were just saying Why do you have to say faggot so much and for me? It was like that's that's what I grew up around Like that's what I heard and it didn't mean what it meant To you when you heard it because it was it was such a thing where it was like listen That that is what like if we weren't working fast enough I remember my uncle buried come on you fucking faggot and we fuck you I can now work And it was like okay, and I get what they mean by

You know how it can be derogatory and I get that But like I said, I want I want to I want a gay joke that Everybody can fucking laugh at that's that's what I really want like that joke that you were referencing That to me is is is something where I'm like, okay. I think everybody can understand this fucking situation But all your jokes are real correct. Yeah, absolutely stories on stage and you add your spin to them Absolutely, you're writing your life I had to I had to text somebody to let him know where I was the night I did that I think that's how the Arabian guy because I was worried I was like hey if this is a fucking trick

You need to know where the fuck my last thing was and like I I can't I can't go missing I'll text you and you know the guy that I'll text I'll tell you what was after the show You know, it's crazy because I admire you. I admire you because at 55 I have no fucking life I have uh zero Friends like that. I do shit with during the week And one night I called him up and I go where are you and Eric and he goes Eric got out of the car

He went on some gay app and he just started walking and I'm like Fuck I wish I could do that Just get on a fucking app and meet somebody on magnolia boulevard at two in the morning You know and it's just the balls you have the safety, you know when I got into comedy. I got into comedy because of lennie bruce Because now I'm not I'm the farthest fucking thing from lennie bruce. Like I'm scared to go out past midnight Eric Like who's the fucking fag in this room? Who is it's show ds? You know, I said I totally last really guess what I'm gonna do

I'm gonna call him for spots at midnight at the store and then I went home and started thinking about it I gotta drive home at 12 40 up over that hill shit could happen, but I ain't gonna go off Who's become the fag I have and this is what I gotta get out of I gotta get out of this This I told him like all this should change This should change when he gets dirty. I'm getting out of this road, you know, I'm back at the store. I'm going back I'm going back to the store. I'm going back to the store. Oh, yeah I'm going back to the store. Maybe that's the last one because that's not the last one. I'm just getting warmed up Let me tell you something going back to the store because that's why I belong

This little pussy foot and I was doing or going to flappers and the fourth wall has to come to an end I gotta go down there. That's why I was I was just tipping around like I always do I have the same problems you people do at home I procrastinate to and I and I but I do enough to get by And to fool everybody And I found out but I don't fool me I don't fool me and it eats me all up inside So that's it now. I'm going to the store. No, that's it

I'm going to the store because I know I would hate to go to the store because I would hate the bomb I'm going down there from now on to bomb like the other night. You know what I do I would say how scared I am of life When I drive to do comedy, you know, I don't put the radio on the car on the way there Really? You want to talk about people being fags You want to talk about gay man, even gay guys listen to the radio before a gig Because they're fucking excited not me. I'm taking I'm it's in my head

And I had to get out of my head When I went to Vegas and I realized that both nights I had done 15 minutes effortly I was so happy No material Let's go Like the old days if we get to it we get to it And if we don't we don't I'm going to talk about what's on my mind and my heart from now on whether you like it or not

Fuck yeah We do a half hour of it if we now let me go back to material we tiptoe around the material But I'm a lot better when I'm not scared. I'm working the last two years scared Maybe that was your cell phone in a way that was blocking you. Yeah. Oh, no. No like I totally I got into I got in the prison in 89. I didn't get on stage till 91 Took me two years because I knew it was gonna change my life But I was I would cancel on tuesday at four I don't feel good when we know something's gonna change our life

We become such fucking pussies It's ridiculous when something's gonna change my life I become the biggest fucking pussy in the world We all do and then we have the balls to complain about this and talk about this and talk about that so If you're scared to do something because it's gonna change your life go for it, whether it's addiction whether it's Whatever the fuck it is because I do the same thing But that was the reason why I wanted to have you on man. You're a fucking powerhouse

I think you're gonna be a household name in a few years And uh, I'm happy your friends with Lee. I'm happy that you take care of him. Yeah, I love you, buddy Took him under your wing. You know, you're gonna have but he's gonna have suck your dick eventually No, I don't Paul Surprise dick, and I still love him. You know what I'm saying? That's still my idol. I'm not his type every time I shut up cocksucker You're everybody's type

He is short cute naive and you don't know nothing about none I can have a deaf mute talking at the suck of his dick He's got the fucking biggest heart. Yeah, that's it. That's your lovable the heart. Fuck it. I'll type the fuck in the heart I'll just give you all these ideas Joey And you'll say Oh my gosh Don't forget you bad mother fuckers this weekend. We're in Utah. It's sold out with Kate Quigley But august 9th through the 11th

I will be at the beautiful improv in Kansas City With my man dean. I got some bad news to report to you people tonight But it's good news also number one. I want to talk to you people about something from the heart here All right, we all got problems Some people erection some people hair somebody but listen To every problem there's a solution and I got the solution for you people tonight 66 percent of men lose their hair by the age of 35 Thing is when you start to notice hair loss, it's too late. It's easier to keep the hair you have than to replace the hair that you've lost

Let me ask you something. Have you seen more forehead than ever before? Has someone mentioned to you that you have a bald spot that wasn't there before? Have you noticed the power hair in your brush or your comb that you've never noticed before? Have you fixed your hair lately and just said where the hell is my hair gone? Listen, thanks to science baldness can be an option now the solution For hymns.com f or h i m s dot com capital f and capital h

A one-stop shop for hair loss skincare and sexual wellness for men hymns connects you with real doctors and medical grade solutions to treat hair loss without having to break the bank Well-known generic equivalents to name brand prescriptions to help you keep your hair FDA approved prescription solutions back by science There's no waiting rooms. There's no awkward doctor visits and you save hours by going to for hymns.com What you're going to do is you're going to answer a few quick questions Upload some photos and the doctor will prescribe you some prescription meds that you need Products are shipped directly to your door. There's no middlemen here

for him has even shared real before and after instagram photos posted by actual clients on That are awesome. All right, let me see they said Let me see where you can find these. Yeah So before and after pictures that look just beautiful people are good. Listen Do me a favor. Why are we beating around the bush? All right I have a lot of friends that suffer from male pattern baldness and they eat some up alive. It's over with I want the church family to get a trial month of hymns for five hours today right now while supplies last go to the website

For hymns.com for hims.com slash joey This would cost your hundreds if you went to a doctor or pharmacy I'm going to save you a bunch of money because that's what uncle joey does five hours today Go to for hymns.com slash joey again Go to for hymns.com slash joey. You got a problem. We got the solution for hymns.com slash joey I'm going to read you something. I'm going to talk to you about something that's going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you Anyway, you definitely heard me talk about me on these before You know the fun they come beyond these that feel as good as they look

To those of you who haven't tried them yet. Listen up You can get you can get incredible underwear sent right to your door with me on these Meaning no more hunting around for the perfect pair at the crowded store and eventually selling for good enough Me on these are made with a sustainable source material with beech wood trees They're naturally soft fiber makes a fabric that won't sag down or ride up Like those fucking white underwear you wear with skin marks and all that shit You get that neutral cup that sits there. Trust me. Once you put a pair of me on these on you'll get it Listen to me. I've been wearing me on these for seven years now. They're the best underwear in the market

They keep you clean. They keep you moist Your balls smell good. Everything's no rashes. No heat rash in this hundred degree weather Me on these so sure that you'll love the first pair that if you're not happy They'll do whatever the hell they can to make it right and they'll get you the right pair And if they can't you keep them and they'll refund you the money Who else does that? It's risk-free to try the best underwear ever Now if you're already part of me on these family tell your friends about it through the referral program They'll get a discount and you get stored credit. So it's a win-win for everybody. You're still not sure

Let me tell you what i'm gonna do my first time purchases The church you're gonna get 15 off the first pair of me on these and Free shipping why because that's how uncle joey does it. That's 15 off plus free shipping Plus a guarantee that me on these will be and you will be happy together Get your butt over to me on these dot com And treat yourself. All right Get 15 off your first pair free shipping go to me on these dot com slash joey Again, that's me on these dot com slash joey. I want to thank my new favorite comic. Mr. Eric Roken

My main fucking main jew the christ killer But most importantly, I want to thank the best audience in the world you guys for listening And for taking this fucking journey with me for the last couple years I love you guys with all my heart. Like I told y'all be in utah. We'll be back monday morning Ready to fucking percolate ready to rock your world. All right. I love you guys. I love you, eric rocha Love you. I love you lisa. Yeah, you guys have a great weekend. Stay safe and stay black Kansas city here. We come take that fucking muley It's a little bit funny

This feeling inside I'm not one of those who can easily hide Don't have much money, but boy if I did I'd buy a big house where we both could live If I was a sculptor But then again, you know Or a man who makes potions in the Travel and show

No, it's not much But it's the best I can do My gift is my song and this one's for you And you can tell everybody this is your song It may be quite simple, but now that it's done I hope you don't mind. I hope you don't mind that I put down the words How wonderful life is while you're in the world Oh

I sat on the roof Kicked off the moss, well a few Of the verses, well they've got me quite cross But the sun's been quite dry While I wrote this song It's for people like you that Keep it turned on

So excuse me for getting But these things I do You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue Anyway, the thing is what I really mean Yours are the sweetest guys of ever seen And you can tell everybody this is your song It may be quite simple, but now that it's done I hope you don't mind. I hope you don't mind that I put down in the words

How wonderful life is while you're in the world Oh I hope you don't mind. I hope you don't mind that I put down in the words How wonderful life is while you're in the world You