Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #604 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: July 30, 2018

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt talk about what it's like to be on the road as a young comedian, why what he did between 1995 - 2000 is so important to where he is now, and why it's so important to "check in." This podcast is brought to you by: FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 07/29/2018.


Greetings from podcast bill the church of what's happening now is brought to you by on it listen Whether it's fucking alpha brain a shroom tech sports room tech immune Fuck in the way protein the Mexican chocolate protein. Listen top notch. You understand me I've never never rarely have I done business with a company that they're fucking They're the number one product alpha brain if you don't like it They'll refund and then I want the product back who does that when was the last time your drug dealer did that never Go on it calm right now. Look at the great list of something to stay half. There's something you like Check out on the way out. There's little box pressing church CHU or CH and get 10% off your order delivered right to your house

No fucking bullshit. Okay, number two. Listen, yo, Joey. I'm thinking of joining Jiu Jitsu away 800 pounds. Where do I get a geek from all mother fucking the shoemaker? No Fuji sports calm Toughen and fucking death Fuji. You understand me been knocking people out with karate chops since before knock a sake knock Go get out fucking around listen people tug on me They try to pull the sleeve to pull me to take my back nothing the fucking sleeves are intact the geezer tough Whether it's your purpose 9086 dollar G or the fucking superado, which is one of my favorites the new Seiko S E I KO 2.0 is a savage

The elemental is a fucking nice light G right now in the summer. We're all you humidity in the Midwest Go to Fuji sports dot com right now and press in church 10% delivered right to the fucking house. You understand when you're looking sharp And it's not just easy. That's rash guards if they fit me they fit you cuz I'm a fat fuck Go to Fuji sports dot com right now and press in church kick this fuck to mulee Great oh shit Oh another month coming to an end The 30th the beautiful day to be alive motherfuckers, but remember

Oh Middle finger Shit, it's the church coming at you dirty cocksuckers Uncle Joey Christ killer Fucking got gamma the editor version anyway welcome to the church of what's happened now Well, Joey here first off if you came to any of the shows at wise guys this weekend in Salt Lake City I applaud you that were great fucking shows because of you guys and number two. I'm back. You notice if you came to the shows

I'm fucking back. There's no more fucking safety nets. There's no more nothing I'm back out of my fucking coma that I was in for six months, but I want to thank the club I want to thank Keith and I want to thank the fucking great weight staff One of the hottest fucking weight staff of women in the country even even Kate Quigley on the way out She goes those fucking girls With row and heat, but they were great There was no problems last night some guy punched the host's chicken the face What and then the guy had a fucking choke him off the other comedian big props to him

Choked the guy out to the cops got that there's always some type of church drama always some fucking guy comes in confused But anyway, it was a great show Great fucking show great weekend. I applaud you guys and I'm just happy to say I'm back guys And I'm basically back because of you guys because I thought about that I was just cheating you guys lately like I just been trying to be so plain safe and I'm worried about the audience I went out there with stories. I haven't talked about in fucking 30 years. Oh, really? Oh, wow Yeah, I don't give a fucking anymore because I was thinking about where I started doing comedy Okay, and I always tell people that it was in prison. No, it wasn't it was the number one bus from Jersey City

To fucking nungasses our job was to make the bus driver pull over and quit That was our job on a fucking daily like for him to pull over and go knock it off guys We would ring the buzzes. We would yell at people. We would shoot fucking spitballs at people We would come go on the bus and open up with the fucking opening theme from the odd couple Right off the bat, but what people didn't know was in Jersey City at the time There was a methadone clinic and that's where you go to get off heroin and it gives you the same symptoms as heroin So people would get on the bus in Jersey City and then we get on the bus on 38th Street And they'd be nodding on the heroin with drool on their lip

Onto the newspaper fucking hilarious. You can't even write this shit And you would mess with them all of us we would get on the bus and we just start giggling and shit And then the guy would look at us and like go can't you see I'm trying to read the paper But one time I went on one of those buses and I farted Oh, and I walked the guy up the guy opened his eyes like he saw a drag He's like man, who farted he goes this smell like something crawled up somebody's ass and died something we fucking died What do you I've seen people on heroin like fall asleep in the middle of a street You're saying you're fart woke one of them up one of them up that was nodding

You know the benches of the sideways, right? Like he was sitting on that bench in the back of the bus fucking nodding off and we were crossing and giggling at him And he wouldn't wake up and I finally dropped a bomb on him He fucking opened up his eyes really slowly. I'll never forget that like he looked around like where he was And he's like what the fuck is that smell? Then that's when he know you were having issues. Yeah, so I was just thinking about like You know, I'm you're in the green room and you're sitting there and you have like this list in your head That you're gonna say and all of a sudden that thought came into my mind

And I said just went up on stage and ran with it Then the one night another I was talking to Keith the club owner and me and Keith have been on the road together Since 1990 fucking always be a comic. Yeah, he's still a comic. He's a great comic He's just a clean comic and he does corporates But Keith's a great guy and we're talking about a contest we did in 94 That's where I saw Bill Cosby that's when he said that not to do dirty comedy that Eddie Murphy That was the time we're talking about that but we were talking about the room in Salem that the time I went and I told I go Salem was one of the best nights of my life. I get there to the hotel with Jody

This girl she's featuring her for me and her father her father lived in Corvallis So we stopped and picked them up so he could watch his daughter perform and he wanted to go out and drink with us We get to the hotel he gets his own hotel room. She gets her own hotel room I got my own hotel room. We walk in and I swear to God, there's gotta be 300 fucking kids with balloons It's the national remember I told you remember when we were talking about Jody, I don't remember this one Yeah, what are those kids that special Olympics? Oh, no when she went dancing Balloons, oh, yeah, and we checked in and we're like wow these kids got balloons for special Shit, you know, it wasn't there like I didn't even think about in a bad way till that night

Jody because no those towns when you do some Lee and I were just talking about one year Please don't have to go on the rail if Lee really wants to do comedy Now comes the second part of this phase Like I was thinking what I'm doing today is because of what I did 90 Like is that the weirdest thing? It's not because of what I did from 2000 to 2010 That's not why I'm doing as well as I'm doing as well as I'm doing today As a comedian like as a comedian as the art I'm doing well as a comedian not because what I did from 2000 to 2010 at the comedy store that honed the art

It was what I did between 95 and 2000 Which was I threw myself across the country into the different markets and I adjusted my act to those markets And there's some markets that you just can't adjust your act to and I mean you just can't I mean you just can't They just and in the back of your head. You're so inexperienced that you really don't see it's not a knock against you It was a knock against me. I had the same problem like after I went to Nashville I knew never to go back to the Bible Belt Like you ten years ago you come to me you go Joe. I got a room for you in Alabama. Listen, bro No, matter how hungry I am. I'm not taking that gig because I tell you what I'm just I'm not flying across country to bomb

There was a period that there was a period where I bomb in the south and I don't not in the south but in the upper south not in Texas But it's like the Bible Belt south I bought and then I had this other thing to do comedy in front of people with white hair So if I looked out the curtain and I saw somebody with white hair, I would fucking panic and eat a big dick on stage. I Had to get over that, you know, I got over that Like going to all those fucking towns where there's a lot of old people that shows so but what you're saying when you Are saying but so between 90 and 95 or 95 and 2000. I'm sorry. Did you go there knowing you were gonna bomb?

I went there Thinking about the glamour of comedy getting the cold reality of what it really was Right. That's yeah, exactly like preparing me for what it really was like you have to eat this five But years of dick like it was five years of rough dick like when the muck of Nevada, you know Billings month. I'm not saying these towns are bad in any way. I'm just saying that 30 years ago, you know a town Butte Butte Montana was I don't know what the population is today But it wasn't that 20 years ago and a guy like me going up on stage talking about eating pussy

Didn't do well as a fucking feature act in none of those towns Whether it was bup Montana, whether it was somewhere in fucking Utah whether it was Ogden, Utah and me eating a bag of dicks there. So you have to learn all these markets You know, you have to go to all these places You have to go by the Canadian border up in North Dakota and South Dakota and see how you do there and they eat this fish called walleye Okay, I've heard of like salmon like it's hot. It's a fish that they eat up there These people up by it like the Dakotas and many but a soda and all that. It's just weird You learn that traditions, you know, I still remember going to each by me up in the up in northern Michigan

You know, there's an island called Traverse City up there You know, like I did the festival of cherries. I did gay pride in Michigan like who would look at me for gay pride in 19 no in 2001 I did gay pride and Grand Rapids or something like that for 1500 bucks Like I went out there I got on a bus and just there's a part in comedy where you have to really and I told you this that this prepare yourself for this I don't see you preparing yourself for this That for you to really dive in you have to dive it It's a very tough dive

Most people don't believe in the dive and you have to consume yourself with this you have to get your car Get it ready Learn how to get work on the road calling small bookers getting small bookers getting a headshot Getting a 10-minute tape, you know, I should I thought I thought I was too young for that right now Right now you're too young. This is what you have to start thinking about in a year Okay, in a year when you're doing comedy 18 months, you're at a precipice if you've really fucking done comedy If you really really really in your heart have gone out there every night and done comedy at the two-year mark You really start to think of where this is going

Why am I doing this? I'm not making any real fucking money. My mother's mad at me My girlfriend doesn't like when I leave the house at night There's so many fucking things that and those are the years that toughen you up and You're not gonna like what you got to do You know, you're not gonna like eating six no-doses and drinking a fucking gallon of diet Mountain Dew So you could drive all night to get back here to do the podcast Sunday at eight o'clock with no sleep Right, like it's that type of shit Like I would drive all night to pick my daughter up on Sunday at two in the afternoon

Right, like who wants to drive all night to see their fucking kid after you haven't seen them all week Like that's the situations. That's the sacrifice that You know goes with all this. I'm not when I get a check in the mail now I don't look at it and go who I'm getting away with murder. No, I did my fucking work Right because I even called you because I had to take a quick ride at this weekend And we're only four and a half five hours tops even with stops and I like it I like driving that that's not the problem. But the problem is the thing the thing that I was blown away by was Then you have to get up and do comedy

It's not like you get there the day before and you get to chill out It's like you just eight hours of driving when we talk about those triple runs, which people are notorious like him Keith and I spoke about the owner of wise guys and got a great guy we spoke about How today, you know, he's like what you're doing out there is because of what you did He was do you imagine that I go I Never looked at it that way that it really is like going to a job and punching it Like even if you get $10 for a gig and they make you do 30 minutes and you know, you're getting robbed

That's part of the fucking gig. You know, you know, how many towns you go to and Let's say you have a gig and you're getting 75 dollars at that gig. Well, the fucking MC Also has a rock club at midnight and he'll pay you 25 bucks. Oh shit, okay You could sleep there if you want on the bar if I mean, that's just so many things But you're not gonna know it unless you go out there It goes back to me to put in your hands in the universe and go and I'm doing this I'm doing this in some way or another the universe is gonna take care of it And weird things starts happening and you go fuck

You know weird things start to happen. You got a flat tire You change it. Of course, you're 65 dollars because you got a towed a car but then you go to a town and You have a three-day night to wait between Gigs right and you're looking at a $60 a night hotel that people have gotten stabbed down the overview and The electric goes out and you can hear the mice at night, but the first night at the club The owner of the club went to emerson And he's got a house with a basement

You know I'm saying and now it's a Sunday and instead of you being in a shitty fucking hotel room You're actually at somebody's basement with three other guys from emerson That are older than you and they're talking about football and they're from Boston And you're like look at this shit. Am I the luckiest guy in the world? I'm saving 60 bucks a night It's like being with Geico It's like being with fucking Geico. You're like, I'm saving 60 bucks tonight and these guys I'm not sitting in a whole car. No, this doesn't happen every week This doesn't happen every week, but it doesn't happen unless you try

Unless you're okay, and it's crazy to me because I think a lot of people like I remember when I first took my first business trip I was so excited. I felt like a real adult, but I got a hotel room There's not many jobs that would tell you hey, you have to come out of town for this But you're responsible to pay to get here and we're not gonna put you up No, and but that's why you get yourself a car you get that like when I committed to it in 1995 But I knew I had nothing else going on Nothing else. I failed at marriage. I had failed at life. I'd been to prison. I couldn't get off. I had come to An agreement with myself about my drug addiction

But I knew that I wasn't gonna succeed in anything else. This was the only shot I had $75 a night times five It's 375 a week guys If it was to drive around Not have a responsibility have a pager live in my car and go for whatever dream I had at the time That 375 was worth it believe it or not and that includes gas and

In those days they wouldn't give you a hotel But you still had to cover those three nights that you didn't Like a lot of rooms a lot of nights you go somewhere. It's a Tuesday, but Wednesday's open But hopefully you meet a dude on Tuesday that says hey, man Tomorrow that I'm looking for a feature 50 bucks What do you ever like try to get a gig like even if you didn't mean anybody would you go to a bar and be like Hey, can I do comedy here and take the nothing you wouldn't do that? You know, they're not that embarrassing. Okay, they might throw you the fuck out

But I'm saying you go to do comedy at a bar, right? Okay, and that comic that host there. He's the radio guy And he'll tell you come back in two weeks and I'll give you another gig, but you didn't know that until you went there That's they're not gonna tell you that on the web page and I'm gonna tell you that, you know, there's a comic in town. I Can't remember his name. He has a book of that he sells to other comics With names of bookers across the country. Oh, wow, that's smart And I always felt kind of weird about it because that you know, they come and go, right bookers come and go But a market you don't really know a market until you go into that market You follow me. So you this is how it starts. You'll be at

You go to one of your open mics at Altadena, whatever the fuck you do. What's the white water college? Oh, yeah You go to go to like the library and there's a dude there from Indiana And he knows you from the podcast and he starts talking to him. He has 30 minutes and his home club is whatever the club is in Indiana And he'll tell you leave you ever want to come out dog. I'll get your fucking MC week Pace 300 bucks. You get yourself out there 300 bucks ain't shit But when you go out there Lee, you're gonna MC you're gonna get the 300 bucks, but it's an investment You're gonna meet people

One comic's gonna take you out. You're not gonna sit in your room You're gonna go out and after every show in those small cities. They have another comedy show somewhere And the guy will give you his phone number to go next time you come back call me and I got a Out of Sunday night and a casino and I got a Thursday night gig which picks you up an extra hundred Right. Oh, yeah, it's so now next time you come you get a raise and you get money from the back end on the front It's very interesting But the same applies to any job any anything that you want to do with your life You're not gonna know it's there until you go there

Right, it's like trying to find an apartment in that like if you're trying to move to LA and we're just looking online for apartments You wouldn't know you're not gonna find an apartment cities. You got to get in a car and drive around And LA you don't know what you're looking for, right? My wife found the house down the block from here while going to look at another house She parked over here, yeah, and she walked and when she walked back The lady said I'm renting up here and this is why we're sitting in this office My wife came to look at something else So nothing you never know where you're going until you get there

That's the beauty of this. I want to cover something tonight. It's a Monday morning podcast a live podcast We got a great fucking week. We got a great lineup in August But I want to talk to you guys about some cuz I'm gonna get a lot of emails late I didn't know how this started or how this ended. I Got a bunch of emails. I guess when Co was on Rogan's podcast not last time or the time before They had a conversation about me checking it Okay, you're on the phone they're checking with the O and I check it with Joe and Joe said yeah Joe is one of the guys that does that and I've been getting a lot of emails about it and it's like I

Don't know it seems Like people are blown away by it. I don't I mean it's something that I've been I've noticed for years and then it's The other night when I We might have taken mushrooms I texted my best friend from high school and I went to I was in his wedding, but we talked probably three times a year It's not like I don't like most of your it's a very rare thing these days Even even my parents used to do it when I was growing up, but now I don't think they do it as much. What's that? Talk with each other. It's they with Facebook and all that. That's what it's turned into. It's just no, but I mean I

Had this thing going from as a youngster You just learn to check it People tell you when you're a kid a check-in tomorrow and Check-in means swing by say hello Let me know if you're eating. Let me know if you need something. That's what that means check in tomorrow check it check in check in you know and The problem is the reason why I check in with people and then I'm one reason is And especially I learned it from doing comedy

I learned it from being a salesman that You ever get calls from people and they only call you when they need something all the time. Yeah, I'm guilty of it, too It sucks. Yeah, it's really nice to get a call from somebody that just says hello Wait till you become a full-fledged feature act And you just call a booker to just say hey Matt Last time I worked at your club. I had a great time Thank you or you become friends with them

You start calling them and you don't ask them for work And it's like a hooker That you don't ask to fuck It drives them crazy Because everyone else in the world is doing that everybody calls them for work. I Would call bookers to say hello How you doing man? Hope you well you watch the Lakers last week. We fucked up the fucking Rockets cock sucker, didn't we?

You know and they would they would get off the phone and then when Rogan would headline their club, they would say something to Joe Joey Diaz calls me They ain't even looking for Were you hoping that they'd call you eventually or no, no, no, no, no, I had already gotten work from them, right? I had already them in the bag It would I always just thought that as a booker Even as a comic you you get to feel like a whore people just call you when they need some it's very like I became like Okay, the guy who really started me in this comedy thing here was a guy with the name of Dan and he ran the Braya

Improv I remember Daniel and was my motherfuckers motherfucker Dan called me This is when two people fucking liked me in this town Joe Rogan and fucking Dan Dan ran the Braya Improv and he told me I want to bring you down here just for you to make me fucking laugh And one day Dan called me when I was down and out in Beverly Hills guys. I mean down and out And he was listen man. I'm trying to start this new thing. You kind of used to be Tuesday through Sunday in this town So take Monday off. Yeah, so Monday you would fly back basically on Monday morning Land at 11 that to your house do laundry Feed your dogs

Go eat lunch and go pay your age in the commission and Tuesday morning. You'd be back at the airport And you'd be at an improv on a Tuesday you had a show on Tuesday Wednesday Thursday were the bigger Oh, he was doing this too. Yeah, two Friday to Saturday and one Sunday This was it and then the big names backed up to Thursday through Saturday. Got it. That was a while. There was a time I remember doing Two shows a night were Richard Johnny selling out Miami every fucking night to not to and then three on Saturday He walked out of there with a hundred and Forty thousand dollars. This is this had to be God rest his soul. This had to be

1998 he gave me a thousand dollar tip. I thought I was gonna fucking die Nobody had ever given me a tip And I realized then later somebody said he walked with a hundred and forty thousand dollars. It was two four six eight 11 13 shows That's almost 10,000 something like that. He walked out of there. Wow Like he just destroyed him for a week like something crazy back then which I think that's what it was

Maybe 15 grand the show. I don't know exactly But you know, that's a long week And he would come up with an hour and a half every night and he'd switch up a half hour every night He was fucking brilliantly. How often would he do that? Would he do that every week? He would do that at the time Richard Jenny was working pretty much three and a half weeks a month He was doing cruise ships for big money Like back then he would go on a cruise ship, but he was getting huge paychecks Like it was crazy, but he wasn't really happy

I remember talking to him at the at the news cafe in coconut grove The old we used to go there for breakfast deliciously They give you a baguette and cut it up for breakfast and I dip it in that fucking yogurt butter That's how I got the way 400 pounds of fucking so anyway, and I remember talking to him. He wasn't happy about You know the stand-up like that at that time stand-up was booming like there was it was every fucking I would go to Miami for three weeks in a row as a feature act Do you think the internet almost kind of ruined it because now people have stuff to do at home? Is that like what the job? Hey, listen people people are still coming out

Right. Yeah comedy, you know people are still coming out for comedy, but back back to this check on anything because it really it really Baffled me that people didn't believe in it and that people had never heard of it before I listen I Check in in the mornings What a rotation? Okay, I have a rotation of Timmy Holloway George Kolodinsky Jimmy V My friend the fucking senator veneri

Loops You know so I have a rotation there. I have my old Colorado rotation Mike Kessler You know, Ladizio, I got a bunch of people that I still talked to That just we just still talk and we talk about the weirdest stuff and we get off the phone You know, I still talk to Dominic No, who called into the show. I just talked to him two days ago on the road The cop that called him from the FBI. Wow, I become friends with people. It's really weird how

You know Well, have you ever asked them like but there's like I'm trying to call Bob LaLingus for a week And I always forget Chicago time Oh And I knew he was on vacation last week, you know, I talked to Bobby Sharon called I owe him a fucking call, you know, you always try to The weekends are rough because you're on the road The weekends are rough because you're on the fucking road and after time for some reason like sometimes they'll say one missed call

So I just think Lee called and then two days later I'll see that Lee called I missed a call from you and I missed a call from somebody else But it just says one missed call. Oh, we're Is it but what I was I was wondering is like Have you ever talked with George or Timmy or any of them and said do you guys keep in touch with all? Yeah, Jimmy talks to a lot of people tell me we all came from that cut Wow, we all came from that cut You know, you have to work on friendship That's what people really never really understood. Everybody always looks for 20 friends

You know, you have to work on your friendship. It's the same way you have to work on your marriage a couple weeks ago I went on the road to Vegas And that's why I tell people all the time, you know what man, we all have skeletons in the closet You got to check on them from time to time. Maybe once in a while you got to take a skeleton out and Break that skeleton down You know I'm saying it was 20 years ago It's time for you to take that skeleton down and pour some fucking lime on it and figure out what really happened and

The week that I was at Vegas for some reason I was writing I was just writing freestyle for the book I was trying to put something together and I really really really thought about the situation with my ex-wife It was really weird. It was like going from A to Z I don't know if you've ever been there that you're thinking about sports and Next thing you think you're thinking about your girlfriend in high school about something happening you go into an event And I just thought about and I told you guys that I told you guys a comment last week that There's a few people who saw me at my worst and she was one of them You know like you really don't know anybody till you see them at their worst

That's when you really get to see What a person is about and she got the fucking beauty to see me at my worst Well, that was at the worst human being I could possibly be a couple other people saw me that I still talked to But she was one of those people that saw I Mean she saw it from the inside out She saw six years of it that I'm not too proud of and whatever so for some reason I was I Had I was writing in the iPad like the book like just And I ripped out my notebook and now I have a notebook where I write daily stuff and like what's on my mind

And I went to a chapter that had been on thing and I wrote her a letter Well as weekend or a couple weeks ago, yeah couple weeks ago, I wrote her a letter man like apologizing for my behavior and just For the things that I just it just in guys. Let me tell you some You see a commercial about OCD and you see the lady making a bunch of sandwiches. No, I haven't seen that one yet There's a stupid commercial about some how do you control your OCD and how you see this girl cutting up fucking Lettuce and she's cutting up a fucking tomato and also she makes like 52 fucking sandwiches, you know, because she's obsessed with this thing it was like the

The apology was coming out of me and it was like I couldn't control my hand. I was writing it out You know, and I wrote all the bad things I had done in front of her the drugs that Just the tortious things that I had done, you know, and and there's times I sit here and I say, you know what? I want to kill her for what she did You know what man after two weeks ago, I realized she had every right to do what she did because she saw me at my worst and It takes a lot for somebody to say that that she saw me at my worst I mean

What's my worst shackled in a fucking jail cell to fucking 20 other guys shackled by my ankles and my wrists Connected by a chain. That's the worst, you know, what's the worst seeing me in a room? After I haven't gone out for three days doing cocaine And my hair is greasy. I can't imagine myself with greasy hair She saw me with oil in my hair after three days, you know shit like that, you know, she saw me one day after court Yell things to her that no man would ever say to somebody. I said the worst things It was like the worst day. It was like All the shit I had in me for more those years of suffering from my mom

I unloaded on her in front of her husband or at that time her boyfriend and the detective That had arrested me on the kidnapping thing because he had she had called him up for him to like help her testify And how bad of a person I was and she was that but it was so funny that I It was like a four-page letter And he just brought it I we didn't plan on writing this happened no front and back I apologized for everything I did Front and back. I fucking went downstairs. I got an envelope. Oh, you sent it. No, I didn't send it Okay, I fucking wrote it and then I went outside that day and I smoked a joint and let the fucking thing on fire Oh shit, and that was it. But at least I got it out of me. I

Put it on the universe. I got it out of me You know, it was something I've been eating away at me for fucking 20 since 1990 Four have you written letters before I always write letters Lee I love writing I love my iPad But I love the art and the gift of writing When I write and I write freestyle like that and I tell you that

This notebook not this particular one in front of me But the notebooks of my house have been my psychiatrist The notebooks of my house of my psychiatrist For some people people always say, oh, wow You're psychiatrists when you go up on stage and talk and tell the audience. No, it isn't It's the shit I write down Because I've written down everything I've written down everything It's the weirdest fuck it's like that way. That's what happened that day with

How I got to my wife I was writing about I got I pick a subject And I just went off on a tangent to something I we had had a podcast one day and I went off on drugs and a couple people got mad at me Because I went down to foxhole with cocaine and then I went home and I actually drew uh, like not that that day Like a couple weeks later after I thought what I had done when I was in vegas

I was thinking about that. I was thinking about something she said to me when I called her four years ago three years ago to ask for her to call my daughter back And she goes I told her the effects of drugs and all this stuff And I kind of batted it off like uh, here we go You know blaming the fucking drugs again, you know I'm saying like that you just I hate when people blame fucking drugs for whatever I did I did what I did because I did it not because of fucking drugs, you know, let's knock it off

They did contribute They did contribute a lot to the behavior But I did what I did because of what I was feeling You know, I retweeted a thing by bruce lee the other day that a man who doesn't know himself you know, I Didn't get to know who the fuck I was and what I stood for So after I started stand-up Do you think you do like how do you know oh fuck we all think we know what we all

Yeah, we all think we know who the fuck we are Right and who the fuck we are and what makes us and we don't know deck to deck And one day it just all clicks. It's like when you're a fucking breaking into you ever see her like a movie The italian job whenever the hot-looking chick Yeah, would hit the safe and it would go whenever she would hit the fucking joint That's what your mind is like It just takes to hit it like I started comedy And even 90 and 91. So what was I 28 29? I was told say I was 28 years old

Remember I told you for two years I did comedy and I had no idea what I was doing Right. So I didn't really even so I'm telling you guys right now till 95 was when I finally Was in the ballpark So that's 32 now you got to consider. I'm a fucking loser You know, I got a gd all that shit. So that means you guys could do it by the time you're 27 You guys are all five years ahead of me. Let's just pretend Let's just fucking pretend, you know But I don't think so. I think we all

You don't really nobody really gets it Well, do you think it changes? Maybe like you're a different person at different stages of your life So you kind of have to find each stage or absolute fucking Louie. Absolutely. I fucking this is why I do not like what's going on with the Me too. Like I was thinking about papillon Papillon is a movie that was by today. I was watching something with my daughter And I think papillon means butterfly in French Okay, you know, and there's a movie called papillon with Steve McQueen and Dustin Hoffman And it won Academy. I think it won Academy Awards. I'm not sure. It's a great movie. They remade it with with uh jack's teller

Oh, wow, okay jack's teller. See if you find the trailer for papillon with jack's teller but It's a great movie. It's about it's a prison movie. Fuck the fucking one with the black guy and a white one the Shawshank redaction I never even saw that. Okay, I've never seen that. It's probably not what prison is like. Well, it's also old-time prison I watched bits and pieces of it. It's not for me. I don't know what it is, but uh What the fuck are we talking about papillon papillon?

See what it comes out. Well it came out in 2017. It came out Don't tell me that movie came out already. Yeah, when was it released? I'm trying to find out. No. No. No. It was made in 2017 That movie cannot have been released yet. If that movie's been released Oh, you know, you're absolutely right. I'm sorry. It's coming out next in august august 24th Who the fuck you think you're dealing with? I don't know why imdb says 2017 for no because that's when they filmed it Oh, okay. God. I thought it was my MBB is no filming Oh, okay. Well papillon is a great fucking movie and I don't know if the original

One an academy award. Steve McQueen was great, but the guy on the side was Dustin Hoffman But his legacy is getting wiped out because of the foot rub incident You know like with all that shit now If it's something you did two weeks ago I could understand it But if you're gonna come back on me from something I did 24 years ago Number one, I don't think that's right And number two

I'll tell you what else I don't like about it that your your livelihood is gone Without getting judged By a jury of your peers. You're just getting judged by one person. It's your word against mine Well, that that part is scary, but like Where do you draw the line that like how long does something matter like how long does it used to liable? It matters forever. You're always liable, but you know what call me Call me first And say hey man, I think I'm 94 one night. You were a little bit out of bounds

But for you to go to the ap news now and say this What are you gaining by it? Nobody fucking remembers 1994 I'm the only idiot that that that goes there because I want to bring myself there from time to time to see How I felt there when I write a book or when I write a joke or just You know, but who remembers 1994 you? No, are you seven six seven? So that's what I'm saying like they were accusing him of something he done to set two in 2000

We're all different people Let me tell you something. I've been I could honestly look at you and tell you I was five different people in my life Is that every 10 years or something? I guarantee you I still remember being the scared Like not having any dreams not thinking I could ever amount to nothing kid And then I remember having a little hope and just being like a junkie thief And then my mother died. I remember just like those 10 years were just sad

And then I remember this other kid that was just a fucking I'm an animal Like an animal And then I remember like a me starting comedy And I remember those first couple years of me at war with my ex-wife and I was still an animal Dressed in sheep's clothing and I'd already been to prison And I was still a fucking animal I mean, I struggle with this sometimes because I was

I must think as a as a as an ex-convict you must get judged a lot for what stuff you did And I I I mean like sometimes if I if I would go online or if I heard some girl that I knew Was dating a guy who had just got out of the jail. It's like, what does she think like that? But I don't know where you're supposed to draw the line. I don't know where You're like, yeah, they are a bad person or oh, they made one mistake And why are we judging them? It's kind of weird as you go up. You're like, oh, maybe Maybe I shouldn't

Look down on these people coming out of prison Coming out of making bail the first time Was one of the most difficult periods of my life Because I'm walking around thinking that everybody knew what had happened, right? Even people didn't know me like I could walk into a supermarket And have a funny feeling this guy was looking at me weird because my name came out of the paper or something like that It really changed the game for me mentally I'm not gonna lie to you and it changed it on levels

Because then even I looked at it as a joke What was the joke? well You know, I had done something bad. I'd gotten in trouble And if you guys want me to lie to you and tell you like after the after two months when I realized what I had done I went back to being cocoa. Like I just didn't give a fuck and it was like a joke Like it was like a joke It was like that's gonna happen. I'm not ashamed to tell anybody. It's the truth

It's the mental state. I was at that time with the drugs and the whole fucking deal It was like a joke for me. Like I remember like from february of 88 till august 15th when I got sentenced to 88 like It was like I was living this fucking fantasy land like I was gonna get myself out of it like But that was the first time I really started trying and I could see that I could do something with my life That's weird about it. Like looking back now You know, I still remember getting that letter Like I'm out on bail

And I get this letter from the university of colorado Like I'm out on bail Okay This is like again, you guys always say well, joey, you have no idea what you're talking about with the university I'm out on bail. I can't sell a car. I can't make a fucking living You know, I'm living off a little bit of savings. I have put away. I'm I'm eating conservatively At that time I had a girlfriend, but I really wasn't going out Uh, my roommate sold coke. So I stole it from him and every once in a while I bought 20 dollars

Worth the fucking cocaine or something like that. I don't know what I was gonna say to you. What was I talking about? When you were out on bail, how you felt? I was out on bail and one day I got a letter Like here I am this fucking huge loser Everybody knows what happened. You know, I can't get a job in the car business And I got a letter from the university of colorado And they're like congratulations, mr. Diaz We've just been we're writing who we're reaching out to you to inform you that you are not Uh, you are not allowed to take classes that continue to get education anymore

that you either have to transfer to a A higher college. I don't know how they worded or the university of colorado I'm like, wait a second. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Wait a second What are you telling me here? that I can't go no it was like So you you're asking me to apply for the university of colorado So there was a number on the bottom and I call this lady or whatever and I'm like, this is joy digs or whatever

I go and she's like, yeah, we got your credits from rocky mountain college That you went to an 83 and 84 And with the last two years here, we've got all your credits and you have enough credits to transfer into a university You can't take any more credits You have to start taking those classes that matter like Down a lot of casement. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, that's like and I had a couple history classes like basic math like Intro to economics like shit like that. That's the shit I was taking while I was doing coke And selling cars and being crazy. I still always took six credits a semester

With no high school diploma No high school diploma you fucking moocles. I just went there in life. Yeah, I got a diploma Once I got arrested and I came on a bail. There's a criteria list And if you have that criteria list covered it makes your sentencing easy and one of them was having a g ed That's why I took my g ed Oh my god, these are your priorities, but I mean So you're so so the whole world felt like the whole world's against you The whole world was against me

But here a major college is asking me to enroll in their college And did you feel bad because you knew you couldn't so now it's february Okay, uh, did you did you immediately know I can't do this? I'm going to jail I immediately knew I couldn't but I go I'm not going to jail. I'm going to college I just made my I'm just I just I just told the biggest lie of my life to myself Like bigger than comedy like that was the first time I fucking lied to myself No, I'm lying to you. That was the second time the first time I lied to myself was when I thought I told everybody my god my stepfather didn't give me

Money from my mother's estate. I knew he wasn't gonna give me none I just said it to myself to make myself feel good. We lied to ourselves to make our feel Lee when I got that letter from the university of Colorado. Are you fucking kidding me? Who's going to prison? I'm going to college I'm back to school Like rodney. I can't go back. I can't go to prison. I'm not I can't go to prison. I'm going to college I called that lady immediately She goes come down to mom pick up an application and submit it with 35 hours or 25 hours

Whatever the fuck it was 25 hours And I submitted it and yeah, I submitted my fucking g ed Thank god I had taken it Like I took the they took they made me go to a class like three satellites in a row Okay from 11 to 3 just to review it and then you take the test only a fucking moron Only a retard could fail that fucking test for free for free some school just said just come here from 11 to 3 On satellites and we'll go over everything that's going to be on the g ed And then the fourth week you fucking take the g ed and I pass I got my high school equivalency to kawarma

And so like three weeks later I got a call from colorado come on down I go down there. I give him the paperwork. I got my little fucking equivalency diploma and shit And no one looked at the data. They don't give a fuck about nothing. They talk about the benjamin's, baby True, so I give them all my shit And now I even call the attorney I go listen don't you ain't gonna believe this We ain't going to jail. He's like, what are you talking about? You got rid of the victim I go no no no no

I'm going to college He's like, what are you talking about? I don't let me tell you what I'm talking about. I got 26 fucking credits All these years while everybody thought I was dickin around I was accumulating credits like a fucking Like a scala that I am taking intro to this intro to that And fucking he's like, are you crazy? But you're on to something Because this could save you So I paid everything I had to get transcripts from high school Sent over I had them fucking do all this shit

And boom they told me no No, they said no no no no, but But see when I did the paperwork for some reason, I don't know what happened I had one of my white moments. I didn't mark hispanic What did you put I don't know Italian no like white. I don't know. I don't fucking know what I put on there And the guy called me back. His name was James Hadamillo I stood I looked him up. He just recently retired

Because I wanted to thank him he called me up and he goes If you were to mark hispanic in that box And redo a couple things on your paperwork. I could probably get into get you into the c up College program here. What's OP? Minority program for blacks and latinos And all you had to keep was a fucking like 2.0 average And they throw a thousands of dollars at you And I was like a sign me the fuck up. Where do I check the box?

Even better. Yeah, that's a true. That's a true fucking story guys. Holy And I got into the university of colorado. I picked all my courses I did one course like they they had this me do this one four week Intensive like three nights like Tuesday Wednesday Thursday to get you ready for college or something to get me ready like I did that I was ready to go. I wrote a letter to the judge. I wrote a letter to the pre Probation department now when you get sentenced to prison It's not really the judge who senses you you know that right? He has litigations and he has a bunch of things

It's the probation department that senses you. Oh, there's a thing called a pre probation investigation at least it was with my day guys The big thing for me was my interview with the probation lady My attorney got me prepped for that. They fucking hired a chick Who sat with me that cost me like 125 an hour for like three or four hours And prepared me for my meeting with this probation lady We hired when we hired the private investigator. He did all his homework on her. She was from new york city We grew up like four blocks apart at one point. You had the private investigator look up the

You know, yeah, my attorney was a bad motherfucker So we did that we did our homework and I went in there But I didn't claim liability And that's what pissed her off That I throughout our conversation she liked me And she said She fucking she said that I would never ever ever probably get in trouble again That I would never commit recidivism that I would never get in trouble again

But that I had to get spanked Because I didn't understand what I had done. Remember, I told you I thought it was a joke Jesus that's that's a lot of power Yeah But I'm very happy She did that. No, really you're happy Yeah, put Tony better though It's monday

That's it. The month is over. That's it. It's august 1st on wednesday, bitches The renters do get your shit together I want to be around To pick up the pieces When somebody breaks your heart Some somebody twice as smart As I Or somebody who

Will swear to be true As you used to do with me see the video my client made with this with the comedy store Let me give some shout outs my man brent yawn My my girl destiny down there and fucking salt lake. I'm sorry. I didn't get the weed from your eric andrade cash donovan tony jack mance My man dominic salas. Thanks for coming adam demange James benson and bolsley bellows. Hold on. I got a note here somewhere. What the fuck did I put it? Oh, that's for you

Jesus my car for you. Thank you I I've heard great things about utah. So it's awesome to hear that you had a good time Even people on the open mic sucker. Tell me that the open mic at that club is great It's a comedy fucking powerhouse of the town They they'd love in comedy. I looked at that lineup. They got a great lineup And I want to do a special happy birthday shout out To my man matt llamas. I know it's your birthday that thing tuesday cocksucker happy birthday. I got to you from my client

So I didn't forget about nobody But it's no it's a great town. It's becoming uh You just you'll see over the years you go to these places and You see the the building you see the the comics that start coming there And you get you hear different rum wings and people like bro. That's a good fucking room And and that's a great room. It's a I mean I was blown away I was blown away even vegas was great like vegas the south point was great Fucking great both shows were packed great

You know it took it took a long time whatever I was going through it took a long time I'm happy i'm back but back to the fucking checking in thing that really got me that nobody It's so weird. Okay. So there's I don't know if you guys know where we live. We live in southern californ So there's clubs in san diego. There's clubs in Ontario now this is coming up from mexico up. So first you hit san diego Then there's a club in ontario Then there's like uh where rogan was this weekend pollute peccaloosa casino Pachanga, pachanga, and then you have like the irvine spectrum comedy club

Then you have braya And then you have hollywood, right? Then you have the hollywood area and then you have the valley where we are And then you have oxnard and you have The chinese restaurant ventura and you got that's it. You got the ha ha north hollywood and flappers when you got all this stuff When you play The clubs on the south bay like either braya Irvine or

Ontario it's really weird what happens to your facebook You start getting Hit up by comics from that area And first they hit you up with a simple question of hey, how you doing was thinking about it the other day And then a week later they hit they go right for the juggernaut and they go was wondering if you had a feature Spot for next week. No, you know, I have nobody you just And even if I didn't have nothing I wouldn't give it to them just for the sense of how they did it

But you follow me So let's say you had a gig coming up in two weeks down there Do you expect like all right the thursday before i'm gonna get a call from this guy? Like do you know now who's gonna call you in one? No If you called me all year every month and said hello, right i'd probably call you and give you that gig anyway, gotcha Do you follow me? I know who's gonna hit me up for something just by that first email or facebook message Instead of email me throughout the year and having me involved

They email you a week out And they hit you with something weird. Hey, I saw you on tv the other day And then they hit you with that. Can I feature for you on this date? And and and it insults me Because they're nice kids It insults me because they're nice kids. They're just doing it all wrong It's so weird how I'm doing after the the netflix special comes out. I'm gonna give this a tour and I know the comics. I'm taking out

I'm taking you out on a couple days. George Perez Eric I got Kate Quigley. I got Dean del Rey always the agostino I like these young guys. I put them on the podcast for a reason. I've seen and now I've watched them grow Like when Theo first came on this podcast. He was a headliner that was struggling Now Theo's a fucking headliner You know now Theo had his doubts a couple years ago three years ago when we were doing Theo Theo was going through his own personal demons Look at Theo today What do you think changed

He was in his head. He was using drugs And he got cleaned up And he got out of his head The drugs would give him like a social thing the same thing. I still have You know But it takes time you know, you see these people Like now like Eric Rocha last week for example, I think Eric's a funny funny guy Lee I think he's a very very funny guy. He's made me laugh on nights that I can't

I'm at the fourth wall waiting to fucking stab myself in the fucking eyeball And he had lines of thing and I've said to myself For the last six months, what's this kid doing here? He should be in one of those clubs on Sunset. He should be at the laugh factory at least every night kill him Closing out the fucking dirty shows because he has no fear Eric Eric Rocha has no fear He'll follow me Eric Rocha. He doesn't give a fuck

And I know that about him. I see how bad he wants it I see who he is his disciple of I see who he watch, you know when You know, here's a guy that doesn't want to hang out in the comedy show And when he goes to the comic store, he actually pays and pays and watches comedy He's done it a few times since I'm done He can actually call me and go can you put me on the list and he won't do that He'll pay the 25 bucks to see Doug stand up or don't even come and see me or to pay for the original

I remember one night turning in the original from the day he was your birthday show I almost shit my pants, you know, I would have put them on stage. I liked them back then I just didn't really know how to approach him But once he had said to me that guys like me usually don't like him It really ate me up inside because that's not what I'm about I like funny I like funny bro. I like funny. I'm a fan of fucking funny I got into this to laugh. I want to laugh. I want to laugh. Even if you're bomb

Sometimes somebody bombs. This is the funniest thing of the world. You ever seen me bomb hilarious When I bomb my bombing style, nobody bombs bad Uncle Joe. I take it like a man. I know I'm bombing Sometimes you see somebody the worst is open mics and so many things they have good jokes when they're bombing There's so many different levels of bombing And there's so many different levels of funny. I've seen people bomb who are hilarious Is that the weirdest thing to tell you because they bomb funny Brody All right. Yeah, absolutely Brody Stevens

I'd not bro. I know Brody 20 years When he was doing that and people looking at him like what the fuck is he talking about? I still remember him in gig harbor, washington Summer of 96 me him and Josh wolf And him stopping in the middle of the act and saying how come there's no brothers up on the wall Because there's no Jews up on the wall because the whole stage was headshots and frames And in the middle of his act he looked at the wall and he goes, hey, how come there's no Jews up here? I'm not coming back to gig harbor till I see a Jew up here

And he was looking at the three Jews that were on there and he's like, they're not real Jews Like, you know, you see the progression of these comics And and do you think the people who are hitting you up for brea and all that aren't doing this sort of work? They're not progressing. No, they just wait They're waiting for the bluebird to happen is to knock on their door. Listen When you're a feature act you have to work every like Matt Fultron Matt Fultron is a fucking machine. Isn't that his name? Yeah. He's the machine Every time I talk to Matt Fultron, he's somewhere else the machine's bird. The machine's bird. He's with the full charge

I give him like he's doing dc and Philadelphia with me. Oh cool. That'll be a good show. Yeah, that's a great show because I know he's an east coast It's a train ride for him He doesn't give a fuck And he gives me and he works at any level some weeks. He had like they're all like all those guys are on weird cusps They could feature and they could headline Including k quickly including dean del Rey. I heard dean del Rey was phenomenal. I want to give him a shout out

Dean del Rey was phenomenal up in Montreal this week. Congrats buddy. Congrats to dean del Rey I mean, I swear we had you know, we had him on the show up four or five years ago. I Know a hustler. I know the difference between a hustler and a fucking con man Because I was both I'm both So do you think the reason why people like eric might not be at those clubs is just because they don't have a name yet? Like is that the absolutely eric just eric's life's about to change I'm taking them on the road. I'm lesion among people

And people gonna run out of those things Because he's gonna hit them hard because I don't know how to feature He's gonna be a good fucking feature. He's gonna be very funny. He's gonna put it together And then I'm like, I know how to handle him in the midwest of st. Louis when he tells me gay joke That's what makes me laugh. Are you gonna not make a man come by like you're gonna be like you have to tell the No, I don't I don't I don't I don't do nothing to people That's not my Gig I'm not if you come to me and ask me I may give it to you because I know you

Oh, I may not say a fucking word to you. Then one day I go leave. When are you gonna let that joke go already? When are you gonna let it go already? How many times do I have to fucking bomb for you to fucking let this joke go by now? You know, I'm one of those guys. I don't want to say nothing to you I'll keep letting yourself hang yourself until you come to me one day I think that whatever they fired me. Well, because you want to do that joke about eating dogs The guy don't want the guys to fucking vet You know the guys the fucking vet you want to keep doing because sometimes you pick a joke And we'll go to war with it on our own merit

Because that's who you are as a comedian. Do you love it so much? You love it so much and your ego thinks it's overpowering But the joke has just got off and I'm the king of that. I've done it for years I listened to all those cds and said Oh But it's all Checking in is all a part of self-inship It's letting the people know you care for them

You know that that thing that that that kid that hacked us or whatever That printed that thing weeks ago. It was from a reddit And it said why all these guys liked me that he they couldn't figure out with all the things I had done That why did these comics look up to me and and all that shit? You know, I still have a card from aria on my wall From like 1998 from him thanking me That card means more to me than any tv show or anything You know in like 2008 when I was thinking about quitting comedy

I was talking to a friend of mine 2009 before I got to the podcast and business with felicia And he said that a lot of comics looked up to me young guys that I should start talking more to them And I used to talk to original and that's how I met johnny rock and all those guys, you know And I got back and how I got back into comedy was true young guys Sort of what you did with the fourth wall like you re-envigorated you de agustina right? Yeah de agustina We met each other on the same night. Oh, yeah. Yeah, really? Yeah, yeah, we met at the ha We all met the same night. Well, no, well you you probably knew de agustina a little bit before that But I met both I meant to say I met both of you the same night. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was weird

I the agustino brought me back. He got me ready for the gay burglacia show And then I had mercy the cd, you know, then I just and that was all without the store That was without the store. That's why now I decided I'm just doing comedy at the store. That's it. That's it Because you got so far without it, but you feel you can talk to just listen, you know what man? I belong at the store. I even told triply. I saw triply on the way out and he goes, hey, when are you gonna do second Michael? You know what bro For right now I'm going back to my original role I'm just gonna do spots at the store

and on the road And my little little fling I got my little residual thing I got up there at the ice house My little residential working out with uncle joey Once a month or once every other month or something like that in between big shows or something so you stay active And run the hour, but I'm not doing comedy anywhere else. I don't have that much time Listen starting August 13th She's got to be at school at 8 a.m That means if I get home at 11, I'm not going to be in bed till 12 till one

I got to be up at seven weather Me and my wife in fact We're going to start running it this week. So she's ready that week that she's off because this is how well last week you can't So she's in regular school now. Yeah, she's touched regular school in the 13th So I'm running this game a lot different starting on the 13th. This game has to change. I can't be out late at night. I got a You've already you've already seen all the other things you need to see. I mean, no, I'm fine I'm still gonna do my comedy. I'm still gonna do my thing But you don't need to go to different rooms like I do. No, that's it. I'm just gonna go to the store and be where I belong

That's where I belong. That's where I belong. That's you know metal sharpens metal you know metal sharpens metal Makes sense. It's pretty interesting. I like all the other rooms But for me to go on the road and do what I have to do metal sharpens metal You know, you want to get good at jiu-jitsu? You got to go to cabrinha. You got to go to alberto crane or you got to go to john jack Or you got to go and everything else is mediocre But when you come to me and you go listen

I either want to go in the ufc what I want to fucking start competing fucking walk big contest a year Pick one of those three. It's alberto cabrinha or john jack mcchato You know up here, you know, I don't know what else is going on all over the country I'm talking about up here. You know, you have great schools in orange county and all that stuff I'm talking about up here If you said I got to train up in this area up here It'd be cabrinha doesn't he train for fabrice over doom?

You know, uh, I know john jack was trained a ton of people I mean, I know I learned from one of his fucking black belts. Who's brilliant brett's one of his black belts. Who's brilliant? So So is true, uh jiu-jitsu up in baker's field map baker john jack was unleashed a bunch of But that's what I do So for me to be the best I can be I got to be on the tuesday lineup at the store every fucking week with

brown white With joe rogan following joe rogan following You know sam trippley following delir. You know how it is to follow chris delir. You think no, I have when I see I have to follow chris delir I just take a sword in my fucking neck You know following chris delir is like That's a clean good-looking guy. I'm in no danger What do you remember?

It was there a time Where you felt like you had to go up multiple times a night? Oh, yeah I did all the time and not even not even to get better But I just meant like sometimes like if I have an actual show that I'm doing I always do an open mic first just to get the rust off. Yes Yeah, absolutely And I like that's that's the hardest part for me when I see you going into a thursday or something Like jeez. That must be hard to go in cold. No, I use thursday as my world. We're warm up. Okay

My thursday night show in the city is my warm-up. I go out on wednesday night I like this week. I went out wednesday did the comedy store with joe on wednesday I had an idea what I wanted to do. I could only run 20 minutes And then that leaves thursday night. I'm not cold. That's cold That's cold to me like days in between at least so thursday on the plane. I put together my little list The shit I wanted to try what was up in the air and what's out there There's stuff that's out there and then thursday I go up there And I probably do like an hour and then on the weekends I cut it down because you got to move the people in and out

The two shows are sold out But I try everything on thursdays thursdays are your warm-up night Once you get into that big league like you know like that like that's what I use it for Would you ever when you were like touring what do you try to find an open mic in that city or no? When I was touring I did everything I couldn't leave. I don't know. I don't know what you thought I did every set there was that night to do Cars trains planes and all the wheels. I didn't I never did the new york scene but

When I started and I my first three years of serious comedy two years were bolder And that was I had to drive had to go to shayamayoming some nights the weekends When I got to seattle monday night was your comedy underground in tecoma Tuesday it was the comedy underground and it was like a vogue art bar that there was girls dancing in cages And you had to go up in between and do 10 minutes and you ate a big big dig of death and they gave you three drinks That's what we bet frankie the nose That's what me and josh became friends with frankie the nose the guy we robbed the safe with and all that shit

Then wednesdays you had a specialty show at the fucking underground But laura crocker had a room and so did donna richards. So you called them up and got a guest set from them So I would have three sets on a wednesday night I learned that hustle early when you get into comedy. It's about sets. It's just sets Your first three years is just sets Sets. I don't know what you're talking about christmas. I don't know what you're talking about New years. I don't know what you're talking about You know, but then again your first three years nobody's hiring you on the weekends

Right. So you have the weekends you basically work sunday through thursday like an animal Unless a club gives you like a local club makes you a house mc or gives you mc work There's really no work for you at that level Do you think that's like because I've heard you say for a while that you're not you're not a huge fan of people starting here in New York And but do you think that might be the only benefit is that you have open mics available to you every night? You have open mics available, but the quality of the open mics is shit. That's also true The shit

the shit And everybody wants to be a star the mentality is different The mentality is a lot different than an open mic here than in san francisco than an open mic in minneapolis Because everybody's going to work the next day And ain't nobody talking about mbc or going to fucking mantra you're all nothing So you really get you focused on comedy The smaller markets

I don't like these markets because it gets you it gets puts people in places. They shouldn't be at They shouldn't be at it just puts you in weird positions It's good for you to see what the major leagues is But it's all so good to know who you are Here you don't know who you are People telling you to get headshots. I heard that the other night Joey D is one on stage and I heard the other night Uh, eric rocha went on stage at a steakhouse and he got signed by cAA, you know, wait, that's it's a different thing

It's not you know People just trying to be fucking the funniest and they can You're trying to open up for this guy. You're trying to do this. There's always a backhandery And those little markets First of all, you go to your place You know, I was very fortunate All right, and I never forgot jimmy abeta jimmy abeta knows I love I love jimmy with all my heart Jimmy's a goofy fucker, but I love jimmy mexican power out of denver

One of the hardest working comics I've ever seen in my life if it wasn't for jimmy, I would not be here right now He's one of those comics and that he's in the top 10 of people that helped me Jimmy knew how to produce rooms Him and andy patin are very important in my life me and keith stubs We're talking about andy patin I've never ever ever seen anybody repeat andy patin In my way what he did He told the establishment to go fuck themselves

And he did his own thing and he did his way like sanatra and it worked for about five or six years But it was a lot of work for him And I wish that I was experienced enough. I don't thank him enough Like I don't thank I can't thank andy patin enough because there was a guy Not bill blooming rich up in boston. There's a dick darry Yeah, you're under the club right next to emerson for a while. Okay. So dick darry was like a sea room guy Yeah, it was in a bank vault right and he had a bunch of different rooms and he cheated people and stuff like that But if you asked joe rogan who helped him out the most in boston, it was darry because

Dick darry didn't give a fuck how dirty you were You know, nobody wanted to work for dick But dick made joe a fucking comic if you go to joe rogan and ask him did dick darry help you I'll tell you immensely because none of the the other comics were all very Oiki doiki And they didn't like joe with joe's comedy would didn't fit their style or whatever You know for me my dope dick darry. I had andy patin jimmy abeta

and Fuck one of the guy that was a motorcycle mechanic And those three guys were responsible for where I am today Because I was in new york doing what you're doing now And it just sucked dick It just sucked dick multiple. I don't give a fuck what anybody tells you it sucked dick. Yeah, you And everybody's mean everybody's got an attitude And everybody knows this guy and everybody knows that guy. It wasn't for me

I navigated my way through it. Don't ask me how Don't ask me how I was a junkie. I was in pain. It was 93 Uh, I knew how to hustle But my comedy was a zero I was a zero And it wasn't it was me and the scene I was in was in new york I had something going on. I was getting up on stage I just wasn't getting on stage enough

And it was roughly it was heart-wrenching. I was going through a lot. You got to bring five people To perform on a friday. You gotta You know, I had to make a living. I had to send child support. I had to pay rent You know, I had to do comedy every night. I wasn't any good. I couldn't wait What are you talking about 10 fucking years to get funny? I need this now, man I don't need 10 years 10 years Fucking 10 years. Who's got 10 years? It's kind of how I feel right now. Be honest. I'm 32 fucking years old. It's 1993 I'm 30 fucking years old. I don't know anything. I don't know anything

I don't know anything. I don't have a car. I got no credit my credit zero I got my car repossessed. I got nothing I got nothing. I got no bank account. I got nothing. This is all I fucking got I drive a fucking limo and I fucking snuck coke and now you're telling me that I got a shop with five people But I only got four here So I can't go up that type of shit Oh, lee, you have no fucking idea And I said fuck this shit. I went back to colorado

And I called jimmy a bay and he changed my life because he had rooms Every night that 40 people That's wild 40 for for those of you listening 40 people for a guy like me is like mason square garden I would love mason square garden. I would love to do a room in front of 40 people That 18 month period was so crucial for me because my heart and my soul were crushed because of what was going on in my personal life But my comedy was on fire That was when I got into a stride Monday nights, I did the outback

The steakhouse? Yeah, there was quality outback. It wasn't a steakhouse. I got Tuesday. I did something else Wednesday. I did three things I remember sunday was line dance class And then we followed the line dance class and if I didn't have anything I went to a coffee shop And the girl's boyfriend was in the halfway house with me She was the manager and she would sign me up on a list for poetry night and I would go up there and do comedy They tell me to get the fuck out like boo Boo, that's not poetry. Get off. They would boo you fuck. Yeah, they would boo me. Oh my god. Come on league

Look dog. There's the front like I I'm here today Because of what I did in the fucking 90s Not because I did the longest yard Not because I did spider-man 2 Think about that not because I did any of that shit It's what I did from 91 to 2000 So think about it. No matter what you do No matter what career path you choose

You're gonna have to suck dick the fucking you're gonna have to harry winstein it for a while No matter what you do you really do what business you start whether you start a yoga business Whether you see, you know, uh, what's the girl that got divorced and You know to did the tubs and the fuck, you know people start shit And you're gonna have disappointments, but don't give up The first 10 years or something are fucking brutal And I didn't find out about this till I started going to the fourth wall And going these guys have been doing comedy for four years

This is rough And there's been a there's a couple people there right now who even one guy who's new relatively came out I even said it to the group. He's like I I tried this 20 years ago And you don't want to be like me coming back and starting over because you you Gave up. I'm not too scared. Oh no people do it all the time. That's crazy And I and You know what man? I started a lot of things I started a lot of things and I quit a lot of fucking things. I'm not gonna sit. Come on guys. I quit everything

I couldn't I couldn't fucking handle the fucking hard days work if you fucking paid me I quit bartending. I was a fucking so my god. I quit everything Everything, you know I knew once I got into this there was no looking back. But if I quit this I would have felt terrible Did that coincide with what we were talking about earlier when you like realized who you were as a person Like you're like if I can't quit this it all happened in 95 guys Wow, a lot of things just felt into pieces. I knew who I was. I knew I was a junkie except that

I knew I couldn't do anything else. I knew I wanted to be a comic. I knew I couldn't be a father I knew I was a failure as a father. You know, that's the truth that that's they I was a failure and at the time You know, that's why it took me so long to marry terry Because I had failed in marriage failing in marriage is To account like me it's it's fucking disgusting Because you failed because of communication, you know, like when people go on I got married too young I got married for the wrong reason

You know, that's it. I got married for the wrong reason and you pay for it That's what happens when you do something like that When you waste somebody's time you fucking pay for it and I paid for it And today I still pay for it. What am I gonna do? You want me to wear it on my fucking shoulder and walk around in pain that they go see a psychiatrist. It's done I wrote the letter And I let it on fire and that was it and but before I was done with this situation maybe six months ago I had come to the conclusion and then last week when mercy lost her tooth. She lost her tooth

Yeah, that's when I officially fucking knew that uh Because I never saw I was never with jackie when she lost her teeth So you made it longer. So I made it longer. So I'm good. I it all came full circle for me I'm disappointed it didn't work out but you can't uh Maybe since I watched that movie molly's game that that line has stayed in my head that In this life, you only make a couple good decisions

and they turn out to be great, you know what I'm saying, so Stick with whatever you have in your mind and uh, thank you very much for listening to the church of what's happened now Don't forget next week. I'm in fucking Kansas City, Missouri On the night the thursday night eight o'clock make sure you're there Fucking friday night rogans in town. I know you do you got to do what you got to do You know rogan hasn't been there in years. I understand but i'm there on saturday night So i'm ready to fucking rock. You don't want to miss uncle joey

I'm showing up with dean del rizzi and then two weeks later huntsville, alabama Oh, shit one show thursday night and then friday saturday nashville. Are you fucking kidding me or what? My niece is coming. We're doing the whole fucking thing. It's gonna be great. I'm excited again I want to thank everybody for listening to the podcast. I'll see you motherfuckers wednesday. I got my main man leon. Don't forget For the best supplements out there out it From the shroom tech. What do you think I did before I got in the plane today? shroom tech immune I could sit next to an asian and not to put a mask on He's he's breathing on me trying to give me his fucking malook. Fuck that

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Go to fujisports.com right now and press in church for for for fume and get 10% off. That's how we do it bitches Again, I want to thank the flying june. I want to thank you guys. We'll be back wednesday morning Ready or rock don't forget to check in you got a couple people in your life that you need to check in with a couple days a week Just say hello Whatever guess what you make that fucking day. That's the most important thing. Have a great fucking monday Don't forget to listen to the alvon and we'll see you guys through our wednesday. Love you motherfucker. Stay black kick that Smucker me o louis league Oh

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