Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #609 - Jim Florentine

Episode Date: August 16, 2018

Jim Florentine, comedian, host of the "Comedy Metal Midgets" podcast and the author of "Everybody is Awful (Except You!)," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.    Recorded live on 08/15/2018.

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You don't have to leave the house and go to some fucking health food store Fucking house got a park some guy in front of you. He's got a fucking twitch. You don't need that shit number two You're going to jiu-jitsu. You want to get you going to Muay Thai to get a kick listen Get yourself some fucking Fuji sports dot com right there the shin guards the boxing gloves the fucking geese are tougher than that You understand me they're bulletproof. Nobody even tells you that shit I'm a fat fuck people pull me in that guard. They're hanging on me my collar. I got fingerprints and nothing The geese still comes home and it's beautiful and it's washed intact. Why tough these Japanese people don't fuck around when it comes to the Geese, you understand me

Anyway, go to Fuji sports dot com right now and press in church and get 10% off delivered to your house And you're helping out the church kick this fucking mule Lee It's Wednesday the 15th 30 years since I got sent Kick it. Oh shit, sir. So what's happened now, motherfucker? I'm a heat. I'm in love Christ killer Joey Don't get no better than this guys

I You fucking nuts or what and you thought that You know like a Jamie's got a gun fuck Jamie's got a gun This was never doing heavy-duty Chinese heroin people were jumping off fucking buildings. You understand me It's Wednesday the 15th. I got beautiful Jimmy Florentine in studio jerseys best goddamn that that sound good. Did it not holy shit Why does it sound good after 40 years? Why it's not supposed to I'm supposed to listen to that and go really Joey that again Some of the stuff stood the test of time the mute some of it sounds a little dated

I gotta be I say this a lot and people will freak out some of the Beatles stuff to me sounds a little dated Yes, it does it sounds that you like you put it on now you go, ah Yellow submarine like some of those songs hard days night. I don't know. It just doesn't it doesn't do it for like if you just start put that on now You're like, ah, I don't really get it but something like that. It sounds like it was recorded yesterday Are you ever in the mood for it? Even though it stated or you can't listen to it at all. I Can't really listen to it all my god, you know there are some songs obviously, but there's some that just didn't They don't they don't sound fresh. I guess that went over to my favorite fucking record store over here in Burbank

What's the one name of atomic atomic went over and I was last time when Henry Rowland was in I told him I usually go to atomic so I went in there yesterday. I had these albums at the house I had doubles you don't get doubles of shit people give you on the road. I went and picked up Dark side of the moon. Look at this. Oh if you love you got it Pat Benatar, that's a good one first foreigner rumors Stevie next the first one, but I had to take this one. This is a fucking master like this Those beat allowance once they discovered the marijuana and the heroin and he started eating that fucking Yoko ono's asshole It chains like everything fucking change. That's what happened. He ate Yoko ono's asshole next

You know they were adding Chinese tunes. Hey Jude revolution paperback writer. I should have known better lady Madonna Can't buy me love. Don't let me down ball of John and Yoko reigns this shit From I think revolver. I don't know the exact thing. Give it a listen to Give it a listen to just put it on YouTube one day that shit that see Can't buy me love and all that I wiped my ass with that shit. It's like no They're look this I fucking hate it. Yes. I love all this shit the bad company I love all this shit. I read the man who led Zeppelin and he only manages Led Zeppelin and that company Yeah, so I got back into bad only the two bands that were on swan song. Yeah, that's it

Yeah, now as music fans even though it let's say you don't like the Beatles Do you still respect them looking back seeing what they were able to do or are you just like no You're an idiot if you say to you know, you can't respect the Beatles and the Beatles weren't that we're overrated and we're not good I was just more of a Stones guy My because of my older brothers bought that shit in the house Whatever they brought in I liked and they brought more to Stones and the Beatles. Are you brothers still music guys like you? Yeah, yeah, we just wanted to see Leonard Skinner's final tour. How was it? It was phenomenal Phenomenal every song my son knew have to have to fucking songs

Every song one after another. I know this one. I know this one. I know this one. I know that one Unbelievable. I've been seeing them every year You're a true fucking troupe of love. It's great You go to a concert you have your tailgate you have fucking beers in the park a lot You bother people the guy coming around trying to sell a bootleg shirt. You fuck with him You know, he's trying to sell me. He goes there's 70 dollars inside. I go. No, they're not didn't it There's never been a concert t-shirt that's 70 dollars inside You're selling it for 30 in the park lot if I see you after the show

You'll be giving it to me for $5 give it to me for 10 right now before you get busted And we just bust balls and fucking hang out and look at hot chicks walking by well It was Skinner there wasn't really that many hot chicks But and it's fucking great then you go in there to show you drinking beers and fucking listen to live music and they're actually playing Nothing better. I Don't hike. I don't fucking fish You don't play golf. I don't play golf. Nothing. That's shit. None of that shit Your hobby is I go to go to college and drink some fucking beers and have a good time. I'll tell you I haven't

Held gated for a concert. I don't know how long we get there like four in the afternoon the shows and suck late They were fucking eight You know, you value your car. Whatever fuck they do now, you know, it's a different experience than hopping on a Bus to 48 whatever the fuck bus drops you off at and by the time you got to the city that acid you took on the Jersey side Starts to kick in and you got to walk to the garden You know, it's like an eight-block walk to the garden. I forget what it was that experience will be etched in my brain Forever I could tear up right now like I could tear up saying that that's never gonna happen in my life again

Where I still remember going to see AC DC with Brian Johnson on a Friday night. It was August 1st 1980 I Still remember leaving the lumberyard at 5 Going home washing my pussy Calling Kirk God rest his soul and I made him meet me at 29th Street and New York Avenue The last bus place where you can take the bus into Jersey There's a post office down the corner and there was a guy in there. His name was Jack Finn I worked through the Irish guy from we hawk in New Jersey. This is in we hawk in 29th in New York

29th in New York Avenue is borderline. We hawk in Union City. Yeah, cuz I lived on run Gregory Avenue It's that last place you could take the bus into Manhattan That's it and then there's a bar there used to be called autos on the corner and I'll net listen to me I'll never forget going in there were maybe you know what I have in those days We bought a half gram of coke from Jack Finn Jack Finn was the first person that I ever saw Get coped up and make faces by the time I started making it took me three four years to start making faces to start wiggling my hands Jack Finn was in

1980 was already getting creeped up and doing shit like when you bring him in front of people people go what the fuck is his problems Yeah, the guy's here. He's gonna be right back. He was creepier ship. Yeah, you got I'm gonna get you a gram This shit's great, but you gotta leave something for the mouse, you know, right? You would have to leave in two lines of coke and I still remember being whatever 1980 was I was 17 and Getting on the bus with Kurt we bought a pint of blackberry brandy and an eight pack of nips And we drank them on the fucking bus like you just chugged them here bus driver didn't say shit to you You could be fucking we were kids Drinking those fucking beers on the bus

We split them and then we got off on the port authority went downstairs and the whole walk In fact, that was at the Palladium that was not at the garden AC DC with deaf leopard August 4th 1980 we went to the Palladium and I'm never felt we just telling somebody that you had a Go I was telling Timmy Holloway that you had a the cool people the people who knew drugs knew that if you went behind the Palladium there was a fence That was ripped down and you go back there before the show started and people were back there banging drinking Oh, yeah, right people didn't know about that. There was a little fence back there. So me and Kurt this white kid the Lorenzo Went back there did a couple bumps. We finished the blackberry brandy

It was the hottest night ever in New York City. I was at that show the hottest night I have ever ever experienced so now I got I got jeans on a t-shirt and AC DC deaf leopard came up and destroyed and then they see or could have been iron maiden That was it was deaf leopard. Yeah, and then AC DC came out with the fucking bell You know and in those days we used to do acid and then do blow and we had a Kwaylutha later I mean it was over. I still remember walking home with such a high AC DC was sensational

But that's that was my tailgate and then I started going to where you were another concert that I went to that you went to A fucking cherry bomb that was a down in Asbury Park convention hall. I had made the jeweler priests When I heard that story had a pillow like I'm already I was at that fucking show Because there was a trend of people throwing fucking cherry bombs, and it was you always firecrackers cherry bombs m80s But I never forget going to see the Stones and Farina Philadelphia at the stadium at JFK summer of 78 and At that point we saw some kinky shit But it wasn't until I went to see Dio with Sabbath and Sammy Hagar with shaking Street down at

Philadelphia Where we were outside that I tailgated for that at the spectrum. Yeah, cuz you could tell you get that parking lot I'll never forget tailgating there, and we're out there with the G bow coke Blastin like fucking like we owned the place and all sudden they took us by the heads and they're like FBI Open your trunks. We we all had piled around us. We all had fucking quailudes. We had everything on us They made us open our trunks, and they were looking for shirts The boot like the bootlegs the kind of fit shirts, and they didn't care about the drug They didn't give shit. They searched everything. They even found the package of coke left it

Nothing that's the concert where we stopped on McDonald's and we had like 13th row But my buddy came back and he goes look I got six road tickets. What did you do with those tickets? You say trade them I go I'm gonna fucking kill you. He's a counterfeit. He's just got taken No, no, they were real Jimmy Florence. They were real. They were real. We were right up to the sixth row We were watching people spit on their fingers and Philadelphia and Fling it at Sammy Hagar Sammy Hagar was so terrible with shaking Street now He was on tour at that time and Ronnie Montrose was on tour on two different tours

So we got to see Sabbath it wasn't blue ways to cult yet that was opening for them And then they went on the black. Yeah, the black and blue. Yeah, this was still Sammy Hagar And I'll never forget us looking around tripping and people spit at their things Flinging at Sammy Hagar and Sammy Hagar like duck and spit from fucking people in Philadelphia This is why when I saw the Bill Burr show 30 years later. I laughed my ass off because I go that's nothing I Saw them Throwing the Sammy Hagar who does that shit? Jimmy said something a couple minutes ago that it wasn't a good you think it wasn't a good show to see girls

Did you guys ever meet girls at these shows? You didn't give a fuck. Well first that AC DC death leopard show I remember Joe said that that was the hottest night in New York Okay, so me and my friend took the train in from Jersey went to walking back to the garden after the show We just bought seven AC DC shirts. We saved all our money. We got the baseball Jersey We got them all because we were so excited. We're gonna buy every so we walking back and we got mugged by three Puerto Ricans They took our shirts. We're just talking. Oh my god. Was that great the uncle boom We they punches in the head they grab our shirts and just walk away to a big enough And I remember yelling go where the fuck are you guys gonna wear those shirts?

I'm like what Puerto Rican is gonna go back to his wherever he is from I'm gonna wear a fucking AC DC baseball Jersey The back in black fucking 1980 tour No one's gonna know that mute and I then they just left with our shirts And that was that constant that Joe we was at same concerts But yes, you girls would hook up with you at the at these shows. There would be some girls that would come to the shows You know, I remember I I don't know if I told us or I put it in my book about the scene of scorpions at the spectrum. I Got front row somehow was a general mission. I got all the way up front I went to go get some beers and I saw this hot chick and it seemed like she's by herself

I said, hey, you want to come in the front? I can get you in the front We'll just switch tickets or whatever. Just follow me. Just keep walking like, you know where you are And we'll get right so I get this girl right in the front She's a nine on a scale of one to ten and we're in the front row of scorpions comes out And we start making out before that before the scorpions come on. I'm like, holy shit This is great. They're on stage and she starts flashing the band She's showing her tits and the bands go. Yeah, give me the thumbs up giving her the thumbs up I'm feeling her up there on the show. I'm grinding my dick on her ass. We're making out

I'm sucking on her neck. What a fucking playing, you know, love drive. I'm like, this is fucking amazing I'm gonna let and then we get laid after the show. I just met this chick the scorpions going crazy right the show ends the One of the roadies comes over he goes, hey the scorpions want to meet you too. Come on. Follow us So I'm like, holy shit. We're gonna meet the scorpions We get to the fucking door and there's a big bouncer there and she goes first and then I'm going through and he goes no No, just her Like I'm not a scorpion said they want to meet us because no just her And I go, no, but I mean he was not he just stand there my way and the girls walking

I'm I think her name was like Emily or whatever. I'm like Emily Emily. They won't let me back She never even looked back not even like didn't even look back She was going back to the drink the blood and I was mad at the scorpions for taking my girl for like two years I'm like fuck them. I had a little radio show. I'm like, I'm not playing in my band them Meanwhile, I was like a four on a scale of 110. She was a nine I was just lucky that she fucking she used me, but I'm a poor. She's gonna fuck the scorpions. Who wouldn't I don't Think I hooked up or tried to hook up with a girl on the show I took a girl to see Ted and AC DC at the guard. I was at that show that was

4th the year before She was hot as shit and Bond went through the crowd with Angus on the shoulder shoulders I was blown away. I still remember going on the bus for that show and people had To get old blasters on the bus on the Kennedy Boulevard bus All the way to 20, you know, like all the way into New York with highway the hell Blasting that people were just for that show people went to the show just to hang on outside It was cool. Just hang outside the garden in those days. Even if you didn't have tickets. Yeah, what the fuck? You never know what was gonna happen

You never know what was gonna happen if you just went over there. You were gonna get it There's somebody in New York that will take a flight. I'll build open up a backdoor and go once you're in you're in It's up to you like in the town. Remember when they robbed the Memo when they robbed the Boston Stadium in the 10-way park in the guy goes, you never fucking saw my face Okay, the same way the guys will take time. Give me five a piece. Really we get in yet, but you got no tickets You're gonna get stopped. So you got a finagle or you can stand to the side So I learned that if I took five gorillas, I had a hard time But if I kept my mouth shut and went by myself, I go all the way to the top

For five hours. So a lot of those shows I used to go on on a whim like I don't need a ticket. I Don't need a fucking ticket because I knew you were going and you bought fourth row tickets So I would just go into the city and buy $7 red seats whatever the fuck they were orange And my goal was to sneak down to you guys you guys will come up and get me Yeah, and just give him an extra ticket give me an extra ticket Yeah, well, yeah, one guy would sit at the seats and then he'd bring two stubs up And he would give you to stub the six and then both you guys are walked down. We've been doing that for years for years So it was fucking

Brilliant because in my hometown if you want to see Ted AC Judas Anybody there was we ran 40 deep not that we all 50 of us went together But clicks from different parts. You got 88 Street Park. You had 51st Street Park You had 43rd Street Park. Yes, 64th Street Field. So we'd see each other in the city In fact, one of the famous things about my hometown was one of the guys I think Randy Mergo God bless us. So had a North Bergen had on at that show Angus was real close to the stage Randy took it off through it Angus picked it up and put it on and did a couple things took it off and threw it back to them

The kid almost had a fucking heart attack. That's the greatest like the kid almost had a heart attack like somebody from Lincoln School Something happened tomorrow. Timmy Holloway will call me and say was this this oh my god. How did you remember that? Do you think you like someone has pictures from back then at these concerts and you might be in like I wonder if you guys are in a picture together and like The crowd or something how funny would that be it could be? Absolutely, we were at all those shows all of them right to the front at the palladium to Sabbath at the guard with Van Halen To I think you went to Errol Smith at the soap factory when they were broken. They were just broken They were broken. They were down to nothing. They were like a fucking worst and like I just you sat there and said what happened

Joe Perry was gone and they're at the soap factory in Fucking this warehouse kind of place that was just a dump After playing at the play at the plane at the garden for fucking black Sabbath. Yeah, I'm staying giant stadium and stuff Yeah, they they fell that hard They fell that fucking hard it's so weird. I went a couple weeks ago. I was telling you I'm watching Ted on Joe Rogan And it's interesting and people make fun of Ted Nugent and he's got crazy views and He did some fucked up shit. Let me tell you something motherfuckers Do some of your homework and go back and bust out catch scratch

Bust out some of the early emboy Duke shit like some of that shit and then just turn on double live Gonzo and All that feeling you had for Ted about that crazy shit. He talks will disappear as I know I did I Just had to be reminded It's so weird how Lee doesn't know about a lot of people not because he's done more because these people are really irrelevant Like there's a guy this guy I want to get on the show, you know, this is on that thing right there Hollywood Henderson Yeah, I want to get him on the show if you go to his Twitter. He's got like, yeah, I need to get my story out there

Holly would I got bad news for you first off? Nobody knows who to fuck you on I read I reached out there and this producer to come on the podcast I go because nobody knows who you are. You might walk around Thinking people know who to fuck you up, but no one knows where you are You're a forgotten soldier. He went to jail in 1980. That's right for some coke After a fucking ten-year run of destroying LA He was hanging out with prior in the point of sisters snorting coke on a limo at the comedy store Went to jail in 1980 1990 came out and he hit the Texas State Lottery

not once But twice really I didn't know that about him thirty million dollars or something So he opened up a rehab. He's clean and sober, but if you go to his Twitter page It says amen Help me sell my story. Sorry, Hollywood Nobody knows who the fuck you are and it's a shame when I watched Steven Tyler on Joe Rogan was one of the best podcasts I've ever watched. He was great on there Yeah, but the thing that room that came over me the most was

Jesus Christ, how many of you people put on his first album when I wrote Smith after you watched that episode? The first two three four albums are masterpieces. Unbelievable choice me attic rocks Get your wings. Get your wings in the first hour of Smith. It's just and The sad thing is we don't know them as that Like I feel bad Introducing some of those bands because I feel ah these You know everything today is basically and even tools like an old man band now now It's getting red again, and you know it moves so quickly. When did he hit the lottery? He let me see

he hit it I Believe in 79 is that true or did he? I'm sorry cuz he he was in prison for 28 months and he won 28 million dollars 28 million 28 million he was like He hit it and yeah I'm trying to find the year he had he was the modern day like March on Lynch March on Lynch is crazy and everyone knows him That's how Hollywood Henderson was being on the Cowboys America's team, and he was just nuts He was like the guy before LT. He was like LT nuts like he was a great player

But he was also crazy always getting in fights and problems off the field and stuff He was amazing when he played but it was funny because I still remember when he took the Super Bowl He took the can of orange crush and he smashed it. He was I'm gonna fuck you up in the Super Bowl You think can orange crush and he smashed it and then the Super Bowl he intercepted the ball I'm willing for a touchdown right and like if you read his books like He bought like a kilo that night I think he won the lottery in 2000. Yeah twice. Wow. Yeah, it was in Austin, Texas in 2000 Twice who the wins the fucking lot seeing people used to a lot of people don't know the gangsters

mobsters high-ranking mobsters in the 70s Used to buy lottery to you know who else whitey Bolger Won the lottery twice because they would put it on the neighborhood if you hit the lottery Let me know I'll buy the ticket from your cash and I can clean my money. Ah Really, that's why whitey Bolger hit the lot look at whitey Bolgers He hit the lot of your couple fucking time even as if you watch the movie his brother even says to him one time really whitey again, you hit the fucking lottery for three million because They would come up to Jim quarantine and go we heard you got the ticket for three mil

We'll give you two milk cash, then they probably stab you Yeah, and they probably give you a hundred thousand stab you look give you two hundred thousand what there's a article from 1995 in the Boston Globe that the FBI or something federal Ordered the lottery to commission to withhold a Portion of the fourteen point three million dollar jackpot that he won. I told you For a tall Viral from good fellas bought a couple lottery tickets. Yeah, they paid two million cash for one They also was notorious of my lottery ticket Sammy Bogevano, I didn't know they did that. That's I would wash them on this way washing money

Fucking crazy, how do you find out about this? What a fucking ticket dealing with when I was fucking 18 I was buying fucking Passports you get a social security card a license and an insurance card. Oh, yeah I was getting in close to the Baker 15 had fake IDs all that stuff of driver's license In New Jersey, they had no white pictures. Yeah, there was no picture. So my brother was five years old There you go, and you stole the license from your brother. He got a temporary one Then you gave the brother one. He lost back and you carry the temporary. Yeah, he just says he lost it He gives me his yeah, yeah, and yeah, it was only 18 to drink. So I was getting in at 15

I was gonna see that look like you're going. You know, you look young. What sign are you? Yeah, like Boris bam, you're in the fucking joint. At least you guys knew I used to have play that trick on people with movie theaters And they would never know I was just asking what their birthday was I would even ask him what their sign was and they couldn't for they didn't think about it beforehand There was a bar outside like the palladium or the garden or somewhere around there where they would just You know, you were 14 years old We just go in and get pictures of beer and sit there before before we go see shows who are 14 The girl will come over we wouldn't sit at the bar. I was too risky

They know that these kids they're fucking kids and they come over yeah And we need four pictures of beer beef steak Charlie's remember that was the extra hours The master's quick arm We used to go to before a show and drink so much and we puke into the pictures and then put them back and put them back On the table and then fill them up again because all you can eat beer and food Be stay Charlie started out good. Yeah, it started out good then people started getting this was before salmon ever Yeah, people started walking out of there with the eyes and foam coming out of their mouths and shit and beef steak Charlie had like a Weird haircut and you have like a mustache

So if you had a weird haircut in my name, but people call you beef steak Charlie like me steak What's going on with that fucking head? Beef steak Charlie. Yeah, so so we just get pictures of beer and like, you know They my friends would puke in them and then put them back on the table. You want more beer? You have a young son, right? Yeah, cuz I my dad would always we'd always said at the bar get a Shirley temple. We'd get fucking an appetite They won't even let you sit at the bar anymore. No, even if your dad's there. That's crazy They don't give a fuck if they as soon as they start serving alcohol a minor cannot be in a bar anymore

Yeah, so if we're at the let's say we go to the commie store That bring mercy with me mercy could hang with me at the store till eight o'clock At 8.01 mercy has to step foot as soon as they start a show I gotta pull mercy out of there in the old days. You could at least have them there. Yeah, you kid could sit next to you It's fucking different world now probably if that's gonna stop you from drinking who gives a shit exactly So can you guys send your kid? I mean, maybe yours is a little older Can you send him to a concert or do you have to go with him? No, I we go together He but we I took him the white snake

Farner and Jason Bonham and Jason Bonham's band does all blood zeppelin. It's phenomenal and Farner and white snake him and he he shift David Coverdale's hand We're on like the side like up close but by the side and then he got a set list from the guitar player brought it over to him During the show. It's the fucking coolest picture. I gotta pull it up. How old is your son now? He's seven. He's gonna be eight on Saturday. So you're exposing them to all this music He's he just saw Marilyn Manson and Rob Zombie loved it now when you smell weed. What does he say to you? No one's smoking that much weed really like outside. There's not too much going on. It's weird You know if they're doing it's maybe it parked a lot or whatever under this Jersey

So people aren't smoking as much weed as they are out here Okay, you know, so it's still it's still not totally totally legal there. So people are kind of hiding it. It's more drinking Smell weed once in a while, but you can't even smoke outside it. There's a PNC art center It's in Jersey. It's an outdoor pavilion, but you can't even smoke outside there There's like a designated area somewhere outside by a fence where you could smoke cigarettes and that's it But inside the venue can't even smoke and it's outside, you know, they got a roof over it, but it's still open I heard Dodger Stadium has a designated spot for smoking weed. I Don't know how true it is. I don't know what the source is. I don't know if it's it's like on, you know

You can't you're not supposed to know about it. This is David Coverdale from white snake He's walking by and my son reaches out and he shakes his hand during the show When was this this is like two months ago Look at David Coverdale still looking fucking good still good. When are they releasing the album? There's a new album Yeah, it's coming out in the fall. They pushed it back a little. Who's this new people? He has all new personnel Tommy Orridge is still on drums. He's a monster Still looks exactly the same plays the hand plate does a drum solo with his hands Tommy Aldridge, he's been around since I was he's to play in black oak Arkansas back in the day

How old are we talking about here? He's got to be seventy-five Seven probably the most he is is seventy-two. I'd say somewhere sixty nine to seventy-two and he's still an animal on drums He does a drum solo and he plays with his hands half the time I called Rudy today. See if you want to do some lunch, maybe get some Cuban food and Rudy was taping something today and something tomorrow And I got the phone with him and I'm like I Bitch about my fucking life being busy He's got me by ten years or something really size. He's unbelievable the guys insane that you know

Just a way it he looks amazing. He hasn't aged a day in 30 years and He's he's out there performing tour and what all these bands doing this playing on this record. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah I mean, do you guys and I guess just Jim Not bother you, but what what what does it make? How does it make you feel when you go and see these people and you remember seeing them as teenagers when you were teenagers and They're in their 20s or 30s and now they're 60 70s Does it does it affect you or I and inspires me because then you know as a comic you always think okay I can't do this forever and no one's gonna give a shit

But you know when you see these guys still up there and torn and doing it It's like why can't why can't we do it in our 60s if we really wanted to not tour as much But still do it like I always thought at some point that people aren't gonna listen anymore and not gonna care But if these guys are doing it and they still have a fan base that grew up with them, you know As a comic you have your fan base that grew up with you They're gonna get older with you and they're still gonna want to see you because it's still gonna bring back good memories when they were younger But they can't party as much or other is there are there musicians who still party the same rarely Maybe you know a glass of wine afterwards or maybe before but they're not really doing it

They know it's a business. They you know when you're getting 350 bucks a ticket, you know Is that really how much tickets some of them, you know some of them if you sit in the first like 20 rows or so Jesus, so Joey just the guitar player when that white snake ended to do in a vows He took this set list off the floor and he ran over because he saw my son Like who's the only young kid in the front and he handed up and I got a picture that So you hand them the set list from the white snake Show the guy ran over and just and grit and That's tremendous that's not great. That's amazing that you're exposing

He's gonna I mean I can't imagine like when they go ahead and like well, let's play this song. Let's play Sweet Caroline. He's like fuck that. Oh, yeah, he hates that stuff. I hate that shit You know was great about it like he was he knew like one foreigner song Foreigner songs are so catchy and so good. They're so well-written within like a day and a half He knew like three quarters of their set list all the hits dirty white boy hot blooded All that shit because there's such good songs and they're easy to pick up to listen to it's almost like AC DC A lot of AC DC songs are quick like some young person You want to get them into them something like tools gonna be too too complex for them

That's like even the old Sabbath stuff that it's just too. It's all over the place But something like a foreigner was just it was it was it was great. So he knew the whole fucking set list Let me think I mean that shit too. That feels like the first time fucking Phenomenal cuz I like that one jam The fucking one based on the war the world's there's two fucking great jams on the first song right war the work world And then it was a Monday. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a blue Monday. Whatever. Yeah, it's first to that album blew me the fuck away Then the second one is double vision. Yeah, that one's little men's amends, but still great Yeah, so great commercial for me, but still fucking great, you know

So yeah, yesterday I picked it up. Why haven't you ever picked up a fucking flute? I tried everything I get no talent whatsoever none I Try I try guitar all my friends were in bands. That's how I hung out with I was a lefty to like I can't I'm righty Can you turn a guitar around like a no? No one could teach me because I was a lefty. I tried singing lessons I went one time the lady goes look you don't have it. I could take your money, but you just don't have an ear for music She told me the first the first after the first lesson I sang my friend's band like in his garage like you suck and I'm like yeah, I do so I just I just couldn't play

Drums I just don't have an ear for music. I love music, but I just don't have the rhythm for my son's got it He's right right down with it. He's playing the drums and music class He's my the teacher's like Jesus this what a fuck did this kid get this from my guy didn't get it for me So I just don't have it. I would love to I was you know, that's what I wanted to be I wanted to be a rock star and then when I you know When I saw you know David Lee Roth being funny in interviews and I would go to see twisted sister as a 15 year old and They have to do five sets a night and these nighters

You know killing time in between and just making fun of the audience and going on these raps and he's being funny I'm like fuck man This is cool. And then when dice and kinnison came out and I'm like fuck these guys are like rock stars That's when I was like I I'm doing comedy That's nuts because I knew I wanted to be on stage You know somehow because I couldn't couldn't do it as a musician. I Tried music. I was at a good year for the drums all that shit I could still play the drums naturally just on the natch. Give me a couple days of tight and shut up

Congress anything percussion. I Wanted to play the guitar, but something straight me to the bass I like the bass player because he played in the back. Nobody knew what his name was nobody bothered him And even at a young age, I kind of liked it I was like these kind of these people don't bother nobody and the bass player still gets sick It's still playing he gets to fall over. Yeah, it's quiet. Yeah, somebody's getting his dick suck He'll get somebody's too drunk. You got one one-eyed something and I went to pastoral music in Union City And I took lessons there

But I knew as I got older like I was like I'm switching to the guitar I Knew that with the drug use and just who I was I knew that I would pawn the guitars Like as I got older I going I'm never gonna be able to have a guitar because I'm gonna fucking sell it I'm gonna run out of money. I'm gonna sell it. So I never really got a guitar, but till this day It's still like up on the bucket list like just to take a few lessons and just play, you know But I know that it won't affect me that way. It'll affect me like an addiction Right, and then I'll start bringing the guitar on the road. I'm not that guy on the plane That's the carry the guitar and that drives me crazy. Yeah, I hate that guy. I hate that fucking guy

I know he's got to get his guitar If they break it it's probably your best bet yeah, it's not that it's not that valuable no one knows who you are So I don't want to do that because I'll bring it the whole time because I could just see myself in a whole Yeah, nine the fucking quarter to seven playing fucking, you know animals by Pink Floyd or something So yeah, that's what scares me. We were talking to transfer addictions. I picked that shit up like a fucking, you know I just go now as it is like one week. I eat fucking Smoothies one week. I fucking the last IE bowls that I'm fighting weight watches. Why am I fucking gaining weight? I eat an ass I eat bowl. I always got an addiction to something every week, but yeah music

It's funny what we had Rollins in here And I watched a bunch of his stuff and he said something on one of the spoken words And I don't know what it is about music that even lately this didn't you see I was here yesterday Yeah, I don't know I came yesterday last night. I've been coming by lately Just putting it out putting the vinyl on it's amazing You know like just putting vinyl on reading the lyrics because of something he said he said that You know think about it way before there's fucking much joint therapy and the whole therapy thing You know how therapy was going to the record shop with the fucking money you save from your paper route

Coming home With maybe one of your buddies Smoking a joint and playing that album back to back to back And then beat because there was nothing like being the first guy on the block to go I got it already Not bad, and no you got it. Can I borrow it not really? You know I'm saying yeah, you motherfuckers You got to walk up the hill like I did you gonna make me fucking But you know what today's the anniversary of today's a sad anniversary. Yeah, it's 30 days 30 years since I got sent

But today in 1979 The last Led Zeppelin album came out in 30 outdoor into the outdoor And it really fucked me up when I read that today Nicky six puts that shit out every day on his little I follow Nicky on Twitter All the shit that happens they all the pretenders to release their album today. That was a great album Yeah, that was a good one. That's a great album with birds of paradise But into the outdoor Started a fucking chain of bad luck for me

Like that was the kiss of death like I still remember being a 38th Street Park like arguing with motherfuckers Like in the evening something he said and somebody was going ah It's a little disco-ish that guy that said that I still remember his name I don't know where he is. He almost got a fucking beat in that day at that park Like that's when we argued about music and Led Zeppelin was the Bible And this guy was like, I don't know I don't like him through the outdoor that much that one song Jimmy pay Robert plant says something Shake for me or something something like dance and this guy was like that kind of a son

They're starting to sound disco-ish like the stone sold out in 76 And I mean everybody just looked at that motherfucker, but three days later. That was my hospital That was my birthday August 18. Yeah, 70 days later. I was in the fucking hospital for a lung infection I had Paraguay. They had sprayed the weeds The government have you grew weed they sprayed it with a chemical and they would give you a lung infection. I Couldn't play basketball that year then fucking September like a month later. He died They had John bottom John bottom died, you know six weeks later And I'll never forget that PLJ that Friday said we're gonna make an announcement

Pretty soon about a tour that everybody's waiting to hear. I'm like, let's that's Led Zeppelin at the garden That's gonna be ten nights. Yeah, we're gonna get tickets. That's when you got a mail in a fucking check and get four tickets in The mail there was because there was some conscience that you actually went and stood online for a ticket run Yeah, and I would always go to st. Peter's College in Jersey City because it was empty Empty you could walk right into st. Peter's everybody else was at all these oh, yeah We had to go to the mall like the East Brunswick mall. Oh my god, and wait outside of Bambergers And then we'd have to be they'd open it up because it'd be a line way out the door like that You know the night before we were in line for like 16 hours

So it wasn't like it. It wasn't a church or a college near us where we can go where no one went everyone went there Yeah, we went we went I still remember when Pink Floyd the wall when I'd sell we went somewhere first and the line was around the corner And my buddy goes, you know what there's one at st. Peter's prep Nobody goes there. We shot right and walked in and we got first row Up on the top looking straight at Pink Floyd in the first level up. So it's perfect. Yeah, you're not in the orchestra You're a level up. They were perfect. We just walked in there those tickets were $15 and 50 cents You got you said something internally when you were fighting did you guys have friends? Maybe all the way up until sixth seventh eighth grade and then you find out they like a band

You don't like and then the done done. Yeah Done absolutely like I had a buddy who was a big Van Halen fan and I was in for the ride But after women and children first we became enemies for a year Like I got one time one in his house and I saw the poster on the wall with David Lee hanging Oh, yeah, yeah, it was kind of inside of women's sweat first came with a poster Yeah, he was hanging in the corner with no shirt on no shirt on if you were a man Yeah, you were mad and you put that poster up. I wasn't coming to your house no more. You understand me I'm a Jersey dude. I you invite me into your house. I look at two things first off

I open up the refrigerator if you got my Luke hot dogs in there. I'm done with you You better have sad breads or something from the local brats those crunchy fucking hot though Oh with the string hanging out with a little tail Yeah, with the mouse tail and then and then I went through your record collection and if you had cheap trick Or like Jeffro Tallin there or something like that. We're gonna have a problem. Yeah, I don't know I don't know exactly who the band you like your journey in there. It was yeah, yeah, we're done. I can't date you no more Like I can't date you no more like the stones were okay, but you couldn't you couldn't have journey Pat Benatar was okay. You could

No, I had Patman. I had to hide them Well, yeah, that was the first time I heard crimes of passion. I gotta buy that Yeah, yeah, that's probably something you would have had that hide, but yeah, you couldn't really have that around your friends But yeah, if you had journey in there and then can't and well, no Kansas was okay I had a buddy who called a beating for putting my sharonah on Like he caught a fucking ferocious beating on the party from a friend of mine named John Crowley because Crowley was tripping on acid and wanted to put on Dark side of the moon because he would do the whole chandelier bit in the beginning and this kid's like now I'm putting on my sharonah crack. He just held off the fucking punch them

You know, I had friends that would go into your house at parties and just like if you had springsteen on They would just come in take the fucking thing off and throw the springsteen Like I grew up at that part of the jury's like there was no springsteen I had a friend that our friends would since first grade and he was a big metalhead and we go to the shows and all of a sudden He started dating this girl and he went to a springsteen show. I didn't talk to him for two years. Yeah, that's it Seriously, I didn't talk to you guys. We got another call right now and he'll verify it He's like you he's still because you motherfucker. I got okay. You went to see springsteen. You went to see springsteen Like that was you can't do that. It was unacceptable

You just went saw Sabbath last week. You can't go see springsteen that and this is when like that 1984 right? Whatever to Born in the USA came out with like, you know, glory days and fucking dancing in the dark Which you know, don't horrific saw done done done like we didn't talk you weren't even allowed to play that enough There was one guy who liked springsteen that was the bartender John Kelly the frog because he had a little ball under his neck And he bartended on Sunday nights. I told you every time you turned around like he would have to Bartend and have his eye on everybody like he would take I what can I get you two honeykins? All right, he would be looking around because every time you know, I ordered like cocktail if he turned we throw ice cubes on Like if he put right springsteen on the jukebox, you got it like that was the year when

Fucking motley crew released Looks to kill. Yeah, that's shadow devil right this bar where I hung out at was the loudest record player And he was proud of it. Corky would you call it thing at Corkies the loudest record player in the tri-state area? I mean you couldn't even talk in there and Looks of kill would go on and we would lose it And if any other song will come out like the dangerous life was big with Sheila E Yeah, she wants to be that one we could live with yeah, but as soon as glory days came on born to run or something We would start throwing ice cubes at John Kelly because we knew he's the one that put that fucking music on

The only springsteen song I like I never told nobody it was like a secret I had like if I suck the dick of Catholic school, right? It's the same type of secret It's a big You can leave cracking funny, so you like to fight anyway, I Didn't tell nobody I like 10th Avenue freezer. That wasn't a bad song. I loved it though. Yeah, I loved it But I don't know but no you couldn't I couldn't tell nobody I would do I was doing construction at the time if I was on a roof But in the roof up and spring scene came on the radio was on I would jump off the roof

I wouldn't even use the ladder to get the fucking shut it off Who can get to the radio to quick as to get that off that shit off? Oh my god No fucking idea can you guys talk about the jukebox because now it's kind of like I don't know I don't know if I've ever put one and maybe once or twice Was it a big deal in the bars when you were going if you had old music on a jukebox? Why we didn't go to your jukebox like the month like we tell you one time listen, bro You got to start getting some new music in there. Yeah, you can't have you know fucking Bill Haley in the comments That old shit, you know, I mean it was good, but you don't want to hear it

Oh My friend went off at a bar because they had Jimmy Buffett on yeah waste of the way margarita though That that that shit off that shit doesn't work and that shit off take it off right now. I'll bust that fucking thing Oh my god, how much money would you guys spend tonight? Eight nine ten dollars and quarters because for a quarter you got three songs. Oh, yeah So I would play looks to kill three songs a four a four if I saw a pretty girl She came over here's a dollar go put on a four ten times a four a four a four a four looks to kill looks to kill And if you fucking slip the springsteen song in there, we would fucking eyeball you to death disco

We listen to disco before fucking spring yeah, because the disco you knew if you knew the songs you can rap with chicks You might have to dance I'm in a club and you're gonna get laid with knowing the disco stuff So that was okay if some guys in there these fun springsteen and the scoofy shit in the jukebox We just load it up with like fucking ten dollars worth of metal So his songs would never even come up We just keep fucking pounding away like Joey said three songs in a row looks to kill looks to kill just so you wouldn't hear his shit And then did you see last week on Twitter? I was going back and forth with a girl named Judy Kelly And I said Judy

We were old we had some type of Conversation and she goes we've come a long way and I go we're really old I just want to apologize for lightning bunny rabbit on fire in the market a car She had a not a running bunny rabbit. Oh a stuffed animal. Thank you used to date John Kelly the frog So they broke up because she cheated on them down the shore So he gave her a bunch of stuffed animals and she put it in the backseat because she was in love with him She got drunk one night made a mistake and you know John held it against he wouldn't talk to her, right? So we're all out one night at the cuckoo's nest up in nyak, New York before the fuck before there was anything

There was only two things in nyak You went up to just to that club and when I used to bring the hot cars to Jodie Arab He was the only Arab and that's when being Arab was cool because he was only one Arab Yeah, if you knew an Arab there would dynamite, you know, Jodie Aaron me I know Jodie He was all right the bunch of Arabs come now. Nobody likes him. You know I'm saying but then like one two Everybody love Jodie Arab, Jodie Arab loved everybody, you know, he hit you with my friend Yeah, he knew all the slogans to fucking to beat you

You didn't care because he was Jodie Arab you like doing business with Jodie Arab You don't take any cars to Nikki no more fuck Nikki the chink He don't pay me when he paid what Jodie Arab pays me. You know I'm saying he's tight So that's the only reason I would go to fucking Nyak, so what now we're up that coke sauce and she's the car doing coke with us And there's three gorillas in the backseat and there's a girl in the front seat Lisa Tiz and there's Judy Kelly And we're back there talking and Judy Kelly's we get drunk and I'm thinking about John right now And she put on fucking Bruce

And I'll never forget me my buddies looked at each other and I took one of the stuffed teddy bears And I just lit that motherfucker She's like, what are you doing? We don't fucking listen to Bruce get that shit off What would you do if like you were walking and you saw like three or four people in Bruce shirts Or like you like it was a Bruce concert. Boom say shit. Fuck you Dude, I got I got a bumper stickers made up There is no reason for Bruce Springsteen and another one the boss is a total loss And I got like a hundred of them and I would walk around I'd stick them all around the town

And if anyone had a Bruce Springsteen bumper sticker in a parking lot, I go I cruise parking lots I put it over there fucking bumper sticker in a park a lot. I was out of my mind. I had bumper stickers I had these stickers that sell on the seventh day dog. Oh, yeah, like Sabbath. Yeah, you get them at the English Town auction The fucking funny raises I would buy them by the hundreds and if I knew you didn't like black Sabbath I would put on your fucking car a week later. You'd be up there with a razor blade That's because you could buy them like a fucking a 10 cents a piece you had stacks on it was Ted Nugent The 8th they got pretty black Sabbath Ted Nugent AC DC Judas Priest. Yeah, just thinking about people's cars You took your fucking car. We took my music so serious. Oh, yeah

Then there was a guy in my name, but who I still love guy Tabasco I still talked to him and he had a brother Mike Tabasco who actually thought he was Eddie Van Halen But didn't play the guitar So we were torment them every day was going on Eddie Van Halen and every day They used to be an argument with the Tabasco's and somebody over Eddie Van Halen We were just and once Randy Rhodes came out. Oh my god We started tormenting Eddie Van Halen fans But the ones that suffered the most growing up and I told this story to Dean Delray were beetle fans

Because I still remember Taking a hit of acid going out and my friends were ho-hum. So I went home and my mother was dead I'm sitting there with mr. Ben the trip in my borsal and they just said John Lennon got shot in front of the Dakota And I dug I went to school the next day. Now my school they fucking hated Springsteen But I tell you who else they hate it was the Beatles John Lennon wasn't dead 12 hours. I still remember walking into my school and Towards the back by the by the theater. There was a mural of the Beatles Somebody had already put an X

Through John Lennon and we were fucking how like my school didn't hesitate one minute to let the beetle know The beetle people know you're fucking done because at that time there were beetle people and Springsteen people and they weren't the same So were you always at war with Springsteen people and be a fuck you with the fucking Beatles you go to a party Oh, let's put on the paper back right. I don't want something. I want to get my dick sucked I don't want to listen to paperback writer right now. Where's fucking we once we got hooked on It was double-life guns. It was the first one. Yeah, that was on for two or three years of the party You can have whatever you want on your party that we walked in and then you better put double-life guns Oh, there's gonna be a fucking problem. Will you bring your own records to parties? No, we would just tell you you don't have double life

Yeah, we gotta go. Oh, yeah, okay. We'll go get it. My sister's got it upstairs. Put it on So it was double-life guns. I'll tell you what group took over my town for like a six month That first album was awesome awesome album a to z B-52 is the first down with rock lobster. Oh, yeah rock lobster in private Idaho 80 81 After sad but like when we were waiting we were in a limbo waiting for Ozzy Boom b-52. So I still love that album. I still play it. I still got one. That's great. I 52 girls Rock lobster planet Clare

Yeah, I mean, you know, they lost it later with you know, love shack and shit like that But no, that was another thing because you you know, if you couldn't get girls that were in the hard rock and metal You would get like new wave or disco because then you could talk to girls You knew the songs you'd have to go to the clubs Maybe you went to like the new wave club or the disco club to go talk to see it needed to know that music You weren't getting laid listen to bruce springsteen like you didn't have to so that didn't affect us So but the b-52 is definitely because new wave was starting to play in the clubs and all the girls were going That was clubs. So we needed to go dance with them and shit. Yeah, you go dance when I went through a whole new wave phase

Yeah, it's like I got you know, I was talking to girls about Judas Priest and they were just fucking walking away from the cars The cars was the women love cars the world love cars, but I'll tell you what van halen I saw van halen and I got to tell you guys that's a date and a place. I don't remember It was after two maybe So 70 not between 79 80 because van halen took him out in 79 after Sabbath like after Sabbath broke up Right. That was 78 was the first one the first van halen 79 was van halen two Women and children was 1980. So I saw them maybe before women and children And there was a lot of fucking blondes there all the van halen was the band that brought in the chicks

There was a lot of hot chicks. Oh, yeah, but then something happened in 1981 I started hanging at this bar when I was like 16 called Joe Marys And there was one motherfucker that you couldn't talk shit about or you were gonna get into a fistfight All those bars because there were old timers and those bars they have a thing called white trash people They're very nice They're just white trash people in those days before you got there with your heavy melons shit They had a guy by the name of Kenny Rogers on there and you couldn't touch Kenny Rogers music Kenny Rogers is for people when you were 18

If you were 30 you were listening to Kenny Rogers to get your dick suck Kenny Rogers put out two or three songs that are dick sucking music So one day believe it or not some guy came up to me that was a little older He goes Do you want to go see a Kenny Rogers concert at that time? I was a young Jim Florentine. I went to see anything I Didn't I seen who you Lewis in the news. Yeah, there was a time I went to see anything Just for the art of the live like the pretenders when she broke her leg and

Coney island and she did the garden the next night. She threw the crutches into the audience I went to see the new barbarians with the stones. I went to see I went to see James Browns at the palladium I went to see you two at the bar. I went to just people that I didn't know It became so open for me. What the fuck was I gonna say? What the fuck are we talking about? Girls bars somewhere. I went to a Kenny Rogers concert. I'll write what they got. Yeah, that was the capital of women passing out Sucking dick while they were passed out. Kenny Rogers wasn't even giving out Cosby pills And bitches were passing out sucking his dick. Really?

Doug when he sings lady. I'm your knight in shining armor and I love you He had like two songs two or three songs that you'd look around and women will fucking cry Crying like fucking crying like ready to suck dick like give me give it to me. Give it to me Give me that fucking cock juice. It was crazy. I left there going. Oh my god. I just learned about Move women like I always and I and I honest to god I never went to a concert to pick up a chick I don't think I ever picked up a chick

Well, because most of the shows that we went to there was not hardly any girls But then when you started going to show more shows like that There were I get into the police The police would draw a lot of chicks that's synchronicity tour All the women were into it. It was a big hit on mtv I got jerked off on like the 20-yard line at at JFK stadium in Philly Dorn a police show by some girl. I don't even know Watching the show was in the middle of the day. I don't know why the police were on during the day

I remember it being light and she was just jerking me. We're both just watching the show Looking straight ahead and I came I came on the 21-yard line Did you come on the floor? I think it was I think it was six synchronicity, too No, we're right right on the 21 right on the floor. Yeah, you're just on the oh, yeah Absolutely. I put it right back in the pocket. Well, I did I have to wear my mushroom juice You get home as a mushroom between your legs and you got a rash and shit But that's how it was like I just met some girl there at the show and then we started making out of where we're watching a show

And she just jerked me off watching a band It was great And then I then I said, I'll go get your beer and I never came back. That's yeah, that's what you're telling me I'm gonna be I'll be right back. Yeah, you don't have to come just stay here. So no one takes us Let's say the relationship's over. Yeah. What am I gonna do? You know, we're gonna see on the way I want to happen to you. I'm gonna believe it. Yeah, if I see you in a park I go, let's go get a Philly pretzel Yeah, I think I know the answer for Joey and I don't even know if they had him back then

But did you guys go to like any of these big uh festivals like camping festivals for any of these? concerts or no, no, I went to the Woodstock, uh Woodstock 90 94 They actually had like a they had a comedy tent there Oh, you performed. Yeah, it was all disorganized. So like nobody even showed up. It was but but I did go there They had a bunch of comedians like 20 of us from New York went up for that We stayed like the artist tent. It was great. They had a co-ed back co-ed shower So these girls, you know guys and girls go in the shower like the artist

So me and the other comics were just waiting outside the shower just fucking waiting for women to walk in And then we just go in and we took like six showers in one day Who performed at Woodstock? Me, Bob Levy, Don Jameson Red Johnny the round guy, I don't know if you guys remember those guys from New York Uh Danny Vermont who was Danny DeVito Danny Vermont still writes football. Yeah, correct. Love Danny. I just bumped into him. Great dude. Danny's been around all along Yeah, rich boss went with us Eric McMahon, you know Jersey, New York comics most of the guys that had a comic strip

But there was like 20 of us took the bus up there hung out for three days Now what happens that the gym door was there too? You guys even go to the comic strip? I walked in there for first time in like 10 years Uh, about a month ago. It's just I don't know. It's just got a weird vibe to it I don't do any sets there. Where do you do all your sets when you're in the stand? Okay, but the stand is moving Yeah, it's closed for the summer. So I went back to the comedy cellar in the village on the ground. I've been doing sets there Um, usually I just stay at the stand. I just love that club You got it down to a science after I spoke to you last week. Yeah, you go out every two weeks two weeks

You have your child your boy your son and then there's one week that you just do spots in the city Yeah, I got I got my son one weekend a month. I got him early in the week I got him 50% of the time, but I got him one weekend. I got him for a full weekend So I take that weekend off. I spend it with him I got one weekend. I go I do sets in New York City and then two weekends. I'm on the road So I'm out like eight days out of the month. I'm home for 22. It works out purple. How did you learn this balance? As you get older, you just like I don't like being out that long even when I was uh, you know 15 20 years ago doing stand-up. I didn't like being out that long

I need to get back home and just recharge And get away from it all, you know, so and now as you get older You just like no I can make my own schedule. I could do whatever the fuck I want This is before your son and even before my son, but yeah, and then you know, I went on tour with those bands I've got you know, I was out for like a month at a time. I hated it 30 days on the road I don't know how these bands do it 45 days And shit being on a bus. So I was like no man. That's not that's not for me. So I just you know two weekends That's enough. I don't want to get burnt out. I don't want to get burnt that on my material

I don't want to be doing, you know, just feel like I'm mailing it in so I recharge your batteries Just fucking hanging my son play, you know, do anything but comedy. Don't think anything but comedy I hang out my my neighbors that live in the suburbs and we just talk fucking, you know Schools and just get away from it all and then when I'm ready to get back up there and recharged Yeah, I had to cut it down in two weeks a month. I had the perfect Balance right now because first I was telling him two weeks a month But this motherfucker would do two back to back have a week off and then two back to back So I was really doing five four out of five. Right. That's still murder. No, it's still murder

So I had to look and see what worked for me and now Yeah, I love to go out every fucking weekend. Yeah, you do like thursday friday saturday. I love it. I can't I can't I can't But you do it. You do two weekends a month. I do two weekends a month Yeah, and my body takes four days like right today. I feel great Like today, I feel great for two days. My sleep was off. I still worked out. I still did what I had to do But today was fucking great today. I'm tip-top magoo. Now. I got another week Then I go to have a bad next thursday Then I go to natural friday and saturday and i'm home two weeks

Yeah, you know, I like that and people agents get mad at you or whatever You know what man? I got a family and I'm a different animal now I wish this would have happened at 32. You might see me If this happened at 32. Yeah, yeah, you would just be me I'm gonna plan on tuesday picking up a one night a wednesday thursday. Absolutely getting in town a day before why not a day before Get a good steak Go around the town go to a record store. You got it. Do you do kinds of city at all? I haven't done in a while

Book yourself. No, I love Kansas City because they had whoa dean doe ray went to this fucking vintage t-shirt store In Kansas City, they got you know, you're gonna drop a grand You're gonna drop a grand. Oh, it's the ones where they cost like 150. They did a real shirt. They're real shirts. Okay, the real shirts I mean, he had he was sending me pictures. They had the shirt. I bought The opening night of pink floyd the baseball shirt because the baseball shirts got popular for oh, yeah But you had a baseball. I had a red and white pink floyd one that a friend of mine still had about 10 years ago And they had shrunk. It was like a baby shirt. Yeah, you can't believe like anymore. Yeah, no And it was still a XL or an L. It was like an L

But the fucking cotton that shrunk over the years the morph had eaten away at I had Ted Nugent weekend warriors in a baseball jersey Did you yeah, I remember and then after a while like, you know 10 years after that You can't fit in them. So I wound up chucking them one time. I never should have done that I know tons of them blizzard of Oz With the crosses on the back of the shirt with the tour dates and all the different markets and shit. Yeah, all of that I had a friend that used to make t-shirts. He worked in the sporting goods called leavey's And he that's what he did

He really was a stock boy But he would fucking get high and make his shirts and we'd all wear the same shirts to a concert like the fucking fags And I still remember for Ozzie at war Suicide solution with two lines of coke on it I mean people must have thought Me and my friends were fucking retarded like thank god my mother was dead Not because on paper they look like two joints, right? But there were really two lines of coke like he forgot to put the straw next to it

But it was like we had a shirt that said instead of The front said Judas Priest, but the back would say Jesus Christ which meant Judas Priest, right? Yeah. Yeah Fucking he me used to make all these shirts and people come up to us and go. Where'd you get them? I wish I saved those shirts today Because nobody had them nobody nobody he'd do this weird stuff where he cut a picture out of tony. I owe me Do this do that. This is before computer sleep. This is my copy of machine and fucking hand And it was like the I mean tony owe me. He looked like fidel. We used to goof on him and go. Who's that? Fidel a black Sabbath and we would laugh, but it didn't matter and he would make 10 shirts for every show for us

I still remember he made him for yes. Remember. Yes. He used to come to the garden every year We were kids and do like 10 fucking nights I was never a big yes fan. It was too. It was too Serivo for me. I like I like some of us a couple of songs, but I was around about yeah all that shit You know they got more commercial and then they were all over lonely hard and all that stuff later I'll never forget that I went I was going to see them for a while Like I remember going in the eighth grade going to see him and being pissed because Adam is roots Roots was on the same week

As and I had seen like two nights of roots and I was hooked. I wanted to see what happened when they got to America But yes played but yes played like six nights at the garden And the first couple years I went to see yes. It was always And then the last two or three years people were giving you seats like yes was coming too much Yeah, people coming every year september 14th. They came every year The week that school started That's what I remember about yes, okay They always came to the garden september 1st 2nd 3rd 4th 5th 5 fucking nights

Did you go see judas priest on the british steel tour the five nights in a row at the palladium? No, I I think I was living in florid at the time because it was 1980. Yeah, so I I saw him at the meadowlands with Iron maiden, maybe I guess it was maybe screamer venyans tour Or point of entry. No. No, I saw him earlier with maiden with paul diano at that. Right. That was the palladium Yeah, no, I uh convention hall in asbury. Okay. Now. You didn't see the one at the palladium with that. I don't think so. I Maybe I might have I saw killers at the palladium But I don't know if it was if they were opening up for

That's why I asked you when you said ac dc august 4th August 1st 1980 I wasn't sure because it was ac dc But I wasn't sure if it was deaf leopard touring High and dry. No, it was definitely deaf leopard because I moved like to florida like august 28th 1980 so I was still around in the area to see those shows before I moved I see black Sabbath With d.o. It's their third third show ever

Right. I don't like that d.o. Took over ozzy's place. I I was an ozzy guy. So I was like I was mad But heaven and hell comes out. It's a great record. So I'm like, you know what? I gotta give it to him I was rooting for it to fail. I was just and I was totally buck buck ronnie james d.o. Ozzy I remember miami arena Me and my brother go and before the show We stop off at like some party store and we get a tablecloth a white tablecloth and we get a black magic marker And we make up our own sign And we write ozzy is god d.o. Must pray to him for forgiveness

We sneak it in the miami arena. It was like general mission It was only like 3 000 people there of Sabbath was kind of on the decline then, you know They're just starting to make comeback And we get like in the second row And d.o. Comes out and they open up with war pigs and I'm mad. I still think ozzy's gonna come out I still think ozzy's gonna come out for some reason. I'm like because there was no internet back then So you didn't know I knew he was out of the band. I'm like, you never know Maybe ozzy will come out

And they all three of them come out bill wardles guys and then all of a sudden d.o. Comes out Little short guy little short guy. So we're holding the banner up doing all this shingling generals gathered In their masses. Yeah, and he was fucking up the song. So ozzy had the peace signs That was cool d.o. Had the the metal the horns the malook they're good now But you know at that time it was like come on man It's a derivation of whatever it is of ozzy the peace signs the peace signs were cool So we're holding the sign up right and d.o. Come over and he look at it. He's giving us the fingers like Fuck you at the sign me rebella holding it up and he's gonna pretend like he's jerking off. Fuck you guys

by the second song to big black security guys Come go come here and take us fucking bring us in the back. They bring my brother in the room I'm like um, what's 15 at the time? 16 they bring him in a back room like these three big guys and and they lock the door and i'm i'm crying I'm like leave my brother alone. Fuck because they're holding me back. They wouldn't let me in there Five minutes later. They bring him out bring me they bring us to a side door They throw us out in their fucking park a lot like garbage

We got kicked out of the show because fucking d.o. Was complaining over to over the sign Now I never told them see now. I'm friends with d.o. Because I know rudy Rudy introduces me and then he's on that metal show. I'm like, I can't tell him that story because about A year before he died. This is 25 years later. He does an art an article in a magazine They go, did you any backlash from when you replaced Ozzy? It was not a fans are pretty cool It goes I can't remember one time it was early on the tour. There was a there was a sign This banner was really bugging me something about like Ozzy is god and I gotta pray to him for something It just really was getting under my skin. I fucking it drove me crazy

He goes so there was some times with that and I'm like, holy shit. That was the fuck of my banner Mine or my brother's banner But I could never tell d.o. Because I've become you know kind of friendly with him I can't go. Hey, I was that fucking asshole At 60 that angry kid that was mad that you were in the band and not Ozzy everybody was This was a very weird Feeling for people because it was almost it was for the for the black Sabbath and Ozzy And d.o. It was almost like Trump Hillary

You were on one side or the other and that was it and you'd fucking fight somebody like I still remember doing acid and stopping at a magazine store And there was an article in there about Sabbath that just drew me over the loop like I had nothing I had no parents at the time And my whole life was listening to black Sabbath black Sabbath was keeping the glue together as scary as it sound It was all Sabbath bloody Sabbath. Nobody will ever tell you the reasons why right? That's it. Yeah, that's it

I bought it hook line and sink. I'm not gonna lie to anybody and tell you That was my glue. That was my therapist that whole album national acrobat and that were keeping me together and All of a sudden when I saw black Sabbath the first time they were terrible. Ozzy was terrible I didn't know what to think I left there like I lost face like that was never say doctor or never say yeah

That's like we're in a jersey To watch your team and he sucks And you got to walk home with a fucking jersey on in front of everybody and everybody on the bus Was talking about that guitar play in the first band and you know like god damn it And then he disappeared for a while. Nobody knew what was happening. Ozzy got thrown out of the band Nobody knew And then we found out they got they had a singer which I always play that was horrible The first singer after Ozzy. Oh, yeah, Dave Walker. Oh just god awful. Yeah, he was god awful. Yeah, it sounded like diarrhea

Yeah, and then they said something about Dio Whatever and I remember buying rainbow rising And listening to him going I don't think this is gonna work Like this ain't gonna work This is not gonna work this Dio Ozzy collaboration this Dio sabs collaboration Is not gonna fucking work and then the album came out and it was

It's like It's like eating asshole It's not kosher But you do it anyway, you know what I am right if a chick told you eat my asshole I'll suck your dick you tell a bend over I'll eat that fucking thing without even if I find the peanut Whatever I find out If you don't suck my dick, don't do it. Yeah, it's uh, it was something that you wanted to hate Like I wanted to hate having it how absolutely all my heart

But it just every time you listen to it today. I went to crowd therapy When I came in I went to freeze and today the guy goes, what do you want to hear? They go having an hell And he goes you haven't played that in a while because I got to one of Madonna kicked Right So I go in there throw punches because at least in Madonna you could dance around but having an hell just having an hell I go in there throw kicks twist. I'm doing black flips in the fucking air Yeah, I love that whole now today

When I left d.o. I was pissed that drive from Philly Back to north bergen was a fucking long drive. We were like the my futures of their fans Yeah, because he wasn't singing the song drive He wasn't and we're mad like come on sing it like Ozzy if you're gonna do it But he was he couldn't he we was trying to do his interpretation I'll never forget that when he came he's like generals got it And they're masses. Yeah, just like witches at black masses. I'm like, oh, no How does Ozzy do it?

You know like fucking the Sabbaths like John Osborne would do it yelling and screaming and fucking clapping and Shit hanging off of him and you know, come on. Let's go. You're fucking measly bastards. Put your hands together Yeah, are you high? He saw my I smoked those joints. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He was yelling and shit getting going and it was you know I still remember having live at last remember when you bought the bootleg Live at last they had that we talk about it all the time east west and uh And by the way by the fucking way

This happened just so you know I saw an ad for you coming to san diego or whatever the fuck on twitter last saturday It was a general thing on somebody else's feed or your feed right and when I went I go That's interesting. Jim's come to town and when I flipped over to my feed guess what was in the picture A picture of the building across the street from Hudson county park The tall building with the grinder where they saw the Martians from oh, yeah, yeah And they go show jimmy florentine this picture and I go, let me call this motherfucker. He's coming on the podcast That's what happened. That's how that was saturday

Saturday or friday. I was on the road last week. Yeah, that's how weird it was That one minute you were saying you were doing a show and on my other thread It was a guy that stopped at the light and took a picture of that building And said the ghost building where you and jimmy florentine Talked about over here. No, that black Sabbath thing Was something that today if we ever go to therapy, it'll come up Like eventually after a year, they'll say so what happened early on in your youth Well, I caught my mother sucking a dick, but when Ozzy left Sabbath, it was it was just

Traumatized. It was devasted. Yeah, I mean devastated Speaking like when Dyer a man man the record came out. I'd have to listen to that song Dyer a man man before I go to school in 11th grade. I hated it. I was a bad place my life We just moved. I had no friends. I was in a private catholic school in florida didn't know anyone all the kids were rich I had long hair that drive around in Mercedes I had a shitty beat up Volkswagen with black Sabbath bumper stickers and Judas Priest And no, I had no friends and I would listen to that song every day to get me through it before I went to school That fucking song is unbelievable

That's the song Dyer a man man. It's fucking the guitar When he picks up the second verse on it like it opens up slowly with like piano or something harp And then he comes down No, no, no, no now now now now Now here's the weird thing about that. I guess his mother taught in Burbank Yeah His mother taught guitar and barebank to just recently maybe 10 years ago I don't know somebody who came in here was talking about guitar lessons

Quinn Ed Quinn because Ed Quinn studied with Joe Satriani So he said yeah, Randy Rhodes. There was like another quote only Can you imagine now like that kid and he taught guitar lessons And then he joined crying Ryan, and I saw the album yesterday. I almost got it Which I haven't yet the quote the mental health. Okay. Yeah. That's not he's gone by that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah He was but I wanted to buy the album. What's the one he's on? He's on What the one before which slick black Cadillac slick back down I can yeah, I forget what it was It was not a big one. No, it wasn't they weren't big in Japan. It was so crazy that the one I have

Is one of the number one Selling albums of all time. That was the first heavy metal record to hit the number one of the billboard charts is choir I am at all right. That's what it is. Yeah first album ever Heavy metal and I gotta tell you something between you and I as friends, and you know, I love really drives me crazy sometimes Whatever I hear on these champagne Metal it drives me crazy. I'm like, why am I listening right too much? So you guys are to me like I think there's a difference between like a fan I don't think you guys are fans. He's not like experts almost to me

Who did or you it sounds like you were more than fans? Well, you had to know your stuff like, you know If you were gonna go and you had a challenge somebody you better know you better be able to back it up You better fucking know. Yeah, like if you're gonna get into arguments like I There's there's a bunch of shows I went to see Like I get people still bust my balls like you were wrong on that date But you were close, you know, at least I'm in the neighborhood. I still remember going. What was the place? I saw missing persons there. I love that band. I saw them there

And 81 maybe 82 83 whatever the big album was popular What was the big album with walking in LA? Yeah, that was spring session at spring session at me up spring session And I saw noticeable one. Oh my song Opens up the fuck that opens it up I've had raining on who's Terry son. Oh, yeah, okay drama son He also plays the drums great kid. He's on Facebook. We talked from time to time But guess what I went to see there one night on invite and I'm embarrassed

It's like, you know what I'm really embarrassed about two things. I'll let you go. I know you got to get on to saying they go one I didn't really like Let me when they opened for Ferasi was it really? I'm like, what is this? What is this fucking junk? This is junk. This is junk. Well, because it was super you understand super loud, right? And just fucking a hundred miles an hour and like what yeah, I get I could see now. I like it Now I like let me and I understand what he stood for and the whole fucking deal in fact that

He does a show and he trunk is doing on the residency At the at the rainbow at the rainbow. Yeah, I'm gonna try to go up there and see him live when he comes back I thought it was every Friday in fucking August. I was misinformed. I was gonna try to go tonight. Okay. Yeah, no I think he doesn't want some on yeah, I was gonna take my wife and watch any choice. She's like, what do you know? I'm not gonna see any truck. I'm like, no, no place any truck. I'm gonna go watch him live and ask him some creepy fucking questions Where are you so tonight you're in San Diego tonight San Diego Then I got Atlantic City to Newhart the Hard Rock Casino open to Atlantic City How is it? I haven't been there yet, but I'm doing three nights there Howie Mandel

I guess homes the club is the Howie Mandel comedy club So August 28th through the 30th me and Don James in an air and then I'm doing the funny bone and all but he's September 13th To 15th. How's my man done doing? He's doing great. He's on tour with faster pussycat Christ he's up for three months on the tour bus. He does 20 minutes of stand-up and he brings up the band He's such a fucking he's an animal. He's just sad. Yeah, he's he's on the tour bus with those guys They fucking just rage and drink like they're 20 years old he's on it for three months and He plays these rock clubs wherever they are to get like eight, you know

Anywhere between like 300 to a thousand a night and he does, you know the crowd and he does 20 minutes of stand-up in front of those animals And then he brings on the band. I Just want to tell you the only guys that listen on my serious listen to lithium you Jim and What's his name? And I love your shows. I love when you tell stories That the one that you got me was with the cherry bomb and I sat there I guess because I didn't hear from you for years and you got a message to me goes dude I was at that show. Oh my god. Oh my god. Yeah, I cried my wife got in the closet. What are you crying about now? I think I'm crying cuz fucking people could validate my fucking stories. I remember that fucking cherry bomb

I also remember when the good rats Opened up for the Aerosmith at the garden something to a cherry bomb. I Joke Perry and he fucking got off stage. I remember a lot of shit number last thing. I want to ask you is How much do people talk to you about that metal show? Oh, it's Jesus Christ It's insane like people really and I miss it kind of right as I'd watch it if I wasn't doing that There was a great guest. I'd watch it. Yeah, well, you know, we look we were on we did 140 episodes who were on for eight seven eight years You know TV TV time That's amazing to be on that long and eventually, you know show runs its course

But meanwhile, you know is Viacom the company that was VH one classic only would just shit the bed You know said I had to come in and make some major cuts and pretty much most of the original program We got cut including our show and just say goodbye. We got you know We're losing a fucking ton of money in this company that owns MTV all that other shit So it was more of a corporate decision But people still come up look me Don and Eddie were the three hosts of the show a heavy metal talk show We have no say in the matter like where it goes. You can't just go up to an actor You know, do you think people go up to Jennifer Aniston like you should get friends on Netflix?

You know, were they going up to Gal the Feeney after sopranos go what you ever try show time I'm a hulu. Yeah, what about hulu? Just a new, you know, we'll just do why don't you guys put it on YouTube do? Sopranos for YouTube, you know what it means like you have there's so many other people I control that like we don't own the show We just can't go. Hey my friend works at HBO. He wants to show, you know So there's all this, you know red tape once in a while shows do come back. Absolutely. I mean, it's a niche audience You know, we're interviewing leader Ford, you know, we're not gonna go on after UFC fighting on You know on spike or something like that or USA Network because it's a whole different audience So if we find a channel, I don't know at some point, but who knows?

I mean someone who have to acquire the rights from VH one who owns the show and Have to pay them for VH one to give them the rights and then they could put it on their network It remember Howard Stern did those old Channel 9 shows back in the day. They were fucking classic They were incredible Channel 9 owns that stuff owns those shows They never gave them back to Howard Stern wanted to buy him to put them out on DVD They would never let they'll nope I he probably to offer them millions of dollars and channel 9 just said nope Fuck you, you're not getting them and he never he can never release them because they own them

So VH one basically owns the show Viacom so at some point some network is interested enough to go to them Go hey his 250,000 we have the show and all the back catalog That's how it would work if it ever came back. I would look we'd love it But you know at this point there's nothing you could do. I'm not with the coolest guy you've met on this show I mean we had we had I owe me everybody. I owe me everybody every fucking bill Ward Steve Harris from Iron Maiden we had we had Angus and Brian we had Angus and Brian Johnson on when the black ice album came out Like a 2008 our first season we interviewed those guys. I mean that's it insane insane

Who was playing the guitar in the back? Like you had we had different guys. Well Ted Nugent. We had Ted Nugent I always say he was probably my favorite guest because I never met him in 76 with that, you know What was the the concert that the shit when he's outside that the California jam Yeah, he's out there with the fucking rabbit tail and he's got no shirt on his fucking hair is all over the place And he's singing cat scratch fever a motor city manhouse I was I was addicted at 12 years old like this is fucking holy shit So I and then he comes on that metal show when he was did you know No didn't talk politics or any guns or any shit just a funny dude talk about music and then went up there and jammed

For like the last ten minutes of the show just fucking took his guitar and just jammed. It was funny because VH one That we weren't allowed to play any original music because then they have to pay rights for they have to pay royalties on They're too cheap. They didn't want to pay any so if anyone that came out We couldn't play any of their songs any of the guitar players couldn't play in it Licks to their songs because then they would have to pay a royalty to that band. They go. We're not doing that Ted comes on he goes look. I want to play my songs. They go you can't he goes. I own all my music they go You still can't he goes no, I own it. I say it's okay You can play they go no we go look. I'll sign it. Give me a fucking piece of paper

I want to place on my riffs and they still wouldn't let him do it But anyway, we went up there and jam for twerking 20 minutes, and I'm watching Nugent just you know 10 feet away Just rip it on that guitar Phenomenal and then Kirk Hammett came on with Michael Schenker. He's oh, I know Michael Schenker had been on that Michael Schenker Kirk Hammett from italica is a huge Michael Schenker fan So we're gonna have Michael Schenker on he's gonna play guitar So Eddie calls up Kirk Hammett Eddie strong because he knows Kirk he goes hey Kirk I'm gonna have Michael Schenker come on if you guys want to jam together Kirk's like what?

Yeah, I could jam with what with Michael Schenker's I guess so Kirk goes I'll come there for free whatever he flew to New York, and they fucking jam. I saw the video Yeah, you told me about the video. Yeah, so because he was such a big Michael Schenker fan He was geeking out and we had him together and they both played they worked something out before the show and just fucking and Played on the show said I was amazing too Bro always a pleasure to have absolutely dude. You're one of my favorites man without a doubt The music legend is taking me back, and you're always welcome You know many people come out to me on my comedy shows go dude. I heard you on joey's podcast fucking great

Yeah, we have a go you two guys it's fucking up because I don't I you know you tell these stories like there's no way It's true. He goes, but we know they are when you first him like there's no way that happened I'm gonna be in Huntsville at Leavity live next Thursday night, and then Friday and Saturday I am in the motherfucking Nashville at Zany's where are you at? Yeah, I got Atlantic City next week. Okay August 20th. That's a hard rock. Yeah, yeah I got Albany. I got Cuyahoga Falls in Ohio. I got some Florida dates I'm doing Miami a bokeh so Jim florentine.com my book everybody is awful except you was in stores, and it's on Amazon I love you guys have a great weekend stay black, and don't forget if you need some supplements always go to

Oddit.com from alpha brain shroom tech shroom tech sports room tech immune listen I got you covered. I fly every two weeks. You don't see me fucking coffin number one I eat ass number two. I slamming the Hudson and number three I eat a shroom tech immune and I have to walk around like a little Japanese guy with a fucking mask on my face at the fucking airport So go to fucking on it.com and press in church Bam and get 10% off also my family my G family over at Fuji sports calm I love you motherfuckers with all my heart whether it's the rash guards the fucking shin guards knee pads Whatever you need

Fuji's got at a great price the low and Gees to $80 to the Super Rito's to 120 to the cycle for 2.0 We got you covered go to Fuji sports calm right now and press in church Bam and get 10% off to live it to your crib. We'll see you motherfuckers next week. Have a great weekend Jim, Florentine Thank you again for coming on Jim Florentine.com. Yeah, and then on my podcast comedy mental midges out every week Yeah, no, thanks, man, and I'm a big fan of what he does. Love you Jim. Thank you very much find you Don't kill no fucking Christians this week. Stay black kick this fucking meal. Lee Oh

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