Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #615 - Joey Diaz' first 10 years in comedy - Part 2 (1995-1999)

Episode Date: September 6, 2018

This podcast is the conclusion of the discussion Joey started in podcast #614 about his first 10 years as a comedian. In the previous episode Joey told us about the struggle of his first five years. This episode begins with Joey still struggling, but always improving and advancing. Joey also talks about the comedians he met along the way who inspired him (Doug Stanhope and Joe Rogan) and also about the ones who inspired him to not end up like they did. In this time Joey moves from Colorado to Seattle, and finally to Los Angeles and he tells us about the relationships he made, the experiences he had that changed his career, and how he always kept growing. This podcast is brought to you by: MyBookie.com -  Use code promo Church to get up to a 100% match on your first deposit up to $1,000.   FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear.    Recorded live on 09/05/2018.
  

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Your play your win you get paid. That's the motto of my bookie number two Listen they tug on it. They plug on it tomorrow. I'm going to get to but my foodie gi is tremendous whether it's the elemental whether it's the super Edo whether it's to the The whatever 2.0 the sake old 2.0. I love my geez. I love food. You've your fat fuck Fuji is the gi for you the rash guard the tremendous They got a nice white light nice nice nice light one and it's beautiful. It's white nice They got mats. They got shingles. They got mouthpieces. Go to foodiesports.com right now and press in church Bam, I'm getting your 10% off a little bit right the house. All right, who do you fucking think you're dealing with Joey bananas kick this fucking mule Lee

September 6th you bad mother fuckers A little arrow Smith for you Lee got the wrong fucking jam. He got the video instead of the song Billy because he's an amateur look at them. We'll get the ball. I'm sorry. Don't worry about it. Just skip this motherfucker Go, it's the church of what's happening now guys Yes 26 this is why this motherfucker watch the lord and never his mind is going to shit, but don't matter here we go Are you fucking kidding me or what a little fucking arrow Smith on heroin nothing's better than that

Are you fucking kidding me or what Isn't What's happening you bad motherfuckers uncle Joey here would fucking the Christ killer I Took this week off just to I felt the Last year and a half two three years Listen, I appreciate the emails. I appreciate the people who are doing stand-up and the people were reaching For there whatever but there's a lot of people out there. They're just fucking misinformed Uh, you know, they have a dream, but they think by meeting people or whatever that that dream gets accomplished

You know, everybody thinks that's the blue bird of happiness just knocks on your fucking door And it's really getting to me lately like lately. It's been bothering me how People expect I've never seen a time like this, you know, and then on top of that We live in this internet time where everything is judged on the internet And we're talking about second chances I was telling you guys about my first five years as an open mic or what I had gone through and you know I wasn't It took me years to stop being a fucking criminal and to let my criminal mind go and it took me years to evaluate

What the fuck I was going on So I'm it's 95 I get thrown out of the county works for sexual harassment. I Got no relationship with my daughter. I'm just listening. I was headed Everything was shit in my life except for one thing Stand-up comedy the thing I feared the most about getting into the thing I didn't want to get on stage and give it a try This was the only thing that was working for me. I didn't want to get a job. Listen. I was done with jobs At the age of 29 28 27

There was no day job I could fucking tolerate and to be honest here that nighttime bartending shit I didn't want to do that either The only thing that made me happy was maybe smoking pot working at a warehouse at night and having my days off But I knew that the job situation was not working for me But stand-up was and even though I wasn't making a lot of money at it I was starting to make a little bit of money and I always knew that before you can make a lot of money You got to make a little bit of fucking money So I met the stripper in fucking Detroit and

She was up in Seattle so Listen guys again. I had this fucking basement apartment. It was like Rocky's apartment When you walked in there, you thought of Rocky the apartment the house is there But they read to the apartment and now I go back there and take pictures for you people Just to show I ripped the wall down because I kept throwing empty bundles of coke behind the one wall And one night I got so coked up. I thought I left coke in one of the bundles So I ripped the wall down. I mean that was a fucking mess

But the only thing that was clicking was comedy So I called David Tribble who I had worked for for the last, you know, six or seven months And I asked him what runs he had that would leave me off close to Seattle And he gave me this run that ended in La Grange, Oregon I'll never forget that and I said to him how far is it from Seattle? He's like I think it's like three hours or whatever Fuck you three hours It was like eight fucking hours. It was like the other side of Oregon or some shit

And I think it was called a grand or a Grange or whatever forgive me, you know, my memory slips me sometimes. I'm no fucking man But I did the week. It was like a Four-day week like a Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday in three different places. I worked with a comic from Orange County Who was captain negativity? I told him I was moving to Seattle and he was telling me how You know There was a waste of time comedy was dying that he was in a movie and nothing happened and He lived in Orange County and I asked him if he got up on stage and he goes sometimes on Sundays

If I stand at the improv, they let me go up like a quarter to two Like this guy was just captain negativity. He's like if I was you a quick comedy and by Friday I looked at him like you know what fuck this punk ass bitch Do you think he was messing with you or no? He was that's all those guys in those days on triple runs were very disenchanted They were LA guys that weren't getting spots and They would go on triple runs and just bitch and tell you how you had to be a fag to make it an LA How you had to suck somebody's dick how you had a sleep amidst the shore how nothing was gonna happen for you

You weren't gonna make any money if you moved out here. It was just very negative. Those runs are very negative You're working with the bottom half of comics that They just disenchanted at the time. They were very disenchanted. This is a way to Keep them relevant and it's sad sometimes the guys you work with you know that even as a feature act I'm like that guy's funny, but I don't want to be that guy And I had met like I had worked with a couple guys in Denver, but I had worked with this guy before I left Colorado I did a couple one-nighters with him He was a brilliant fucking comic and when the personal gave me the job with him

Said this guy was gonna be the next big thing at one time But he was a gambler and a drunk and a drug addict And I spent three days with this guy and I got to tell you something at the time I was a junkie and he scared me Because he was the real fucking deal and guess what in like 99 he hug himself Under Yizeev on the road. God bless his soul. Whatever he is now. It doesn't matter, but Those are the type of people you work with on the road. You work with people that came out here tried it Got fucked up got divorced and now just to keep their career alive

they're just doing triple runs and They're negative and they drink and they're nasty to be around and they tell you you're gonna fail and No, they'll go off on you like on Saturday night Like, you know, you should quit now that stupid joke you're doing sucked Like they were just nasty fucking people. I Don't know what it was. I don't know what it was I don't remember like for me to sit here and I remember there were triple headliners. There were a few of them that were cool That were on on they were on a journey to something. They were local San Francisco comics or

Local Seattle comics or local like Portland, Oregon comics. Those guys were cool Like I met Dwight Slade who was fucking Bill Hicks's roommate or whatever they grew up together in Houston I met him on a triple run. Well, and like in Portland. We did a hotel together is shit So there was a lot of guys you met but 50 60% of them With disenchanted comics that lived in Los Angeles that weren't getting spots So this guy like ate me alive like on Friday. He got drunk and he was like you got no chance at this I'll never forget that now. Never forget me brushing it off to

Alcoholism and a guy who had nothing going on because I had hosted at the triple Hosted for a year at the broker. So I knew the comics that came in Had you met stand up at this point at this point? I had met Doug Stan hopes Stan hope Had stayed at my house the first time he featured in Boulder I just got separated and I had met Doug Stan hope and then the second time he came to Boulder He was a headliner and he had just done an evening at the improv And then I lost contact with him and there was another guy that came by that was a comic magician That was very good to me. I love crashing my house and the next morning

He woke up He had a notebook in his fucking bag and he went to like a kinko's type place and he made copies of all the bookers Across the country that you could call like every name every fucking phone number Like all that shit what they booked what clubs they had What they wanted for you to work for them like you met a lot of people that helped me along the way You know the bill bow was I'll never ever ever Forget those people of the Rizzo's who I still owe money to and he contacted me in like 2008 Rizzo

He's like hey man. I'm in dire straits. Can you help me and I was fucking flat broke Like a Rizzo you called me at a bad time because you mean to tell me with the movies and everything you have no money Rizzo I got no fucking money. I'm living off residuals and I'm living off I wasn't even doing spots at the storm or more I was living off Joe Rogan gigs some gigs that I was doing and I was just payment I was never I was paying child support that was delayed and I was paying a 636 dollar a month loan Then my wife had to take out for all my drug use and all that shit So I was deeply in fucking debt

You know, this is the comedy game. This is what we committed to so I bought that whole lifestyle hook line and sinker So by the time I left Boulder, I was crushed guys. I was crushed mentally. I lost my daughter And you don't think I knew at that point I knew at that point So I do this triple run and I end up in the Grange and I was all packed. I went right from the stage to the fucking car It's shot to fucking Seattle to meet my girlfriend And I got to her apartment before she did she left the key under the mat for me

I took a shower and loaded my clothes. I parked my car And she came home from the strip club and I was in Seattle And that was a Saturday night at two in the morning by one o'clock in the afternoon. I was at the comedy underground Are they even open then? I just went over there. Okay, and I walked in front of the place and I looked at the schedule Like I got goosebumps in my neck You know, like I had read about this place and all these newspapers and you know I still remember the Seattle Super Sonics being in the playoffs when I was a kid and here I am in Seattle

Sound gardens here Nirvana's here. No more the vana just shot himself Fucking the other Duke Pearl Jam is there and here I am in Seattle So I fucking went there on Sunday I got the phone number and I kept calling the number and nobody will answer and Then I went and they said the schedule for the open mic was Monday nights to come down and sign up And they'd see if they'd have room and I went down there and I was very polite And the guy said what I'll do is because I dropped Rick Kearns his name They said Rick Kearns gave me permission to drop his name

So he goes when you go to Seattle just using my name telling your friends of me to call tell Carl to call me So when I told Carl Carl woman hive and great fucking guy said to me Just do six minutes up front. You're gonna go up first So I went up first took a bullet. He told me he liked me that he liked the one joke I did But it was funny that night as I was sitting there a kid came in with a Boston Red Sox had on Backwards had on he looked like he was a day over 21 And I went up to him and I said you're from Boston. He goes. Yeah, and the kid's name was Josh Wolf and it was July of

1995 And I he broke it down for me. He goes. I can't even talk right now. I got to go back to work I'm a bartender up the corner He goes they just give me 15 minutes to come down here and do some time So I walked them back to the bartender where he bartended was called El Lobo loco I walked them back to the bar and he laid down the whole fucking scene for me What nights there were who you know, and he was well connected already. He had a manager in Seattle He was already the spokesman for Nintendo

Like Josh Wolf already was connected as a feature act in Seattle So at first he was very standoffish, you know, I was right from the fucking street. I was very aggressive I was very eager to learn, you know And I showed up that Monday and then they told me about a Couple of ladies to call and I called them up But the showcase I did Monday I Called the guy by the name of John Fox and those days John Fox booked the San Francisco punchline He booked the Seattle Comedy Underground

He booked Moscow, Idaho And he booked Reno a room in Reno Tahoe area and he was responsible for Multiple one-nighters Bellingham Washington, but he was a big deal. He was well known in the industry He also ran the San Francisco comedy competition. So if you got in with him You fell into a certain spectrum So here I am broken broke Living with a stripper. I show up at the underground on Monday night. The guy puts me up gives me six minutes. I Go home that night get all the numbers from Josh Wolf Tuesday morning. I wake up

I write all the numbers out. I go to the corner and I fax everybody. I didn't have a fax machine So in those days, you had a fax people you're avails Once a week or every Monday Nine a.m. You had a fax people you're avails. So I just faxed time. My name is Joey Diaz I just moved here from Denver. I won the Bex comedy competition Can I do some work in your rooms and nobody fucking called me? I? Called John Fox and Left him a message and that Thursday. I got a call from John Fox going. Hey, are you available tomorrow and Saturday as a feature act?

And I go, yeah, and he goes you're featuring in Moscow, Idaho When I hung up the phone, I nearly came cried and shipped my pants all at the same time guys Because in my mind the chance I had taken leaving boulder had paid off immediately Like I was already featuring for John Fox now Don't get me wrong guys. This was no fucking comedy underground This place had a reputation for the college kids. It was Moscow, Idaho on the washington I can't even think about it. Whatever border. I know I had a whole border And the in fact the

When I would go there the quarterback the future quarterback from new england Was the quarterback up there? He played drew blood. So oh really? Yeah, so I would go to whatever and I would see him at the airport and shit like that and in Moscow, Idaho Because sometimes you had to pick the headliner up Moscow. Moscow, Idaho Became like a second home for me anytime. He had a cancellation He would send me to Moscow, Idaho now Moscow, Idaho was a hotel With a lounge and you did comedy in the lounge and the place got packed with college students

And their job was to send you prairie farts With your shots at tequila with Tabasco in them Jesus Christ. So the job of the audience was to send you shots so you couldn't even do your material If you didn't drink the shots, they would boo you till you got our stage. So you had no choice You had to drink the shots and do your fucking material How long did could you last I lasted but I went up to my room and barfed every fucking time And it was a horrible barf the room spinning the whole fucking deal So I still remember the headliner props to Vince Valenzuela. He lives in Santa Monica, uh, California now

I don't know what he's doing, but god bless him. He drove me there and back and we did one show friday one show saturday I mean, I was in a hotel room guys. I felt like a fucking star Like here I was in Moscow, Idaho featuring for john fox bitches Uncle joey's coming and there was a four hour drive to seattle or something three hour drive to seattle And I got back that sunday and then that monday. I went back to the open mic and ended up meeting brodie stevens and mark madison and gavin boyd and craig gas Craig gas was up there at the time. It was now like a voice guy from hollywood stern. I just saw him in natural

So I went up there and once you get john fox work That trumps everything else Every other booger. Yeah, because that's it So now I can call you like nothing. Listen. I work for general fox You either gonna give me work. You're gonna suck my dick I wouldn't call and say that but you work for job. It's like coming to town and being a comedy store regular People gonna give oh, yeah, I saw him at the store. Give him work. You know what I'm saying? Just because you're a store regular You're at the best place in town

So I was at the best place in town So there was donna richards out of portland. There was another lady who doubled as uh josh wolf manager got arrested. So she died but she was a sack of shit anyway And then there was another lady that booked army bases and rooms Then there was a Cuban guy named alberto who booked the old improv the soap box in seattle This was huge compared to why I was coming from

Plus you had the underground on monday nights Then you had a gay bar that did the op for so we would go from the underground on mondays to a gay bar on mondays And we close out the gay bar where we do comedy on a fucking a cage Yeah, like this was it me josh wolf gabin martin madison brody stevens tana manu This was it. This was a click al trifaris These are guys I will never forget because in denver. I was part of a three or four guy click Props to jimmy abeta. He really helped me in them

But this is what I tell people that when you put yourself out there the universe fills the gaps But besides jimmy abeta josh wolf was the first guy that really opened the door for me in seattle That's why we still talk because I never ever ever forgot that When me and the stripper broke up he took me into his house I was living in the guest house on a floor But at least he gave me a shelter Well, I never forgot that So I don't want people to think like uh, you know, no no no I was fucking starving

You know, I was and john fuck they don't pay you john fox pays you with a check and it takes 30 days Oh my god. Yes. You gotta wait 30 days for 200 bucks. That's always a real pleasure. Don't you think people? 30 fucking days for 200 bucks Which he got that money a year in advance that if you know anything about john fox He was a thief. He was like an octopus. See he had more fucking hands that guy He had his hands and every fucking thing the feature at the underground paid 250 for five shows and no hotel In 1995 if you got a feature week for me you got 250 and no hotel

That's how prestigious the club was So what would what would the guy do you you'd either say go fuck yourself or you work the room I lived up there. So it was easy for me But I I saw so many out-of-town features that would come up there for 250 No hotel That's crazy and it's it's it's real interesting hearing you talk about the people that That you like josh well fun stuff because to me it seems like if I if I knew eric 20 years from now or 25 years from now You will you'll know real and you'll be surprised

Of who stuck around and who didn't That's crazy because we all we all take it so seriously right now. It seems like I went to when I was in denver There was five guys hands down. I thought we're gonna be stars Fucking I wasn't even in their league Out of these five guys, I think one of them is still doing comedy And it's very mild. It's very avant-garde and shit like that. So You're completely wrong. You never know who's gonna outlast too But that's the truth about seattle when I went up there josh wolf opened up the doors

And let me tell you something he opened up a door and I ran with that fucking door. I ran with that ball so hard That a comic came up to me one day and said your joey dears You're the motherfucking that's taking all the work from this and we almost got into a fistfight and today we're friends But we got chest to chest and josh wolf broke us up at this restaurant Because I was that aggressive. I was like a fucking kid in the candy store Everybody had work and there was another club called giggles and you were able to do both clubs So I started rocking and rolling like I said that year I must have I was I was making at least

A thousand a month in seattle then I started taking fucking action And next time josh wolf comes on the show We'll talk about when I was an open mic and taking action on the phone And taking I was taking I was taking this guy for every penny he had Was that when you lived in the office? I lived in the office and we had a guy that kept putting bets with me with the kiss of debt And he had paid me so many fucking times That he finally kept saying I want to meet the main guy Because I'm paying you so much money. How do I know he even exists? I go. He don't mean nobody

And he kept telling me I'm not gonna pay you tell fucking me and josh We're headed somewhere like the boys the Idaho to do a weekend We're headed somewhere and we needed that money to get And this guy is renegade on the deal in front of the fucking restaurant And on my dog if you don't give me the fucking 800 this guy's gonna send bulldogs after you and I can't control it I had no bulldogs. I had nobody. I don't know nobody And the guy goes fine. I'll give you four fine. Don't ever call me to put a bet in again And this guy I had installed the phone lines for me

Like he was he worked for a phone company And he came up to me one day and goes I got a great deal for you If you pay this they'll give you a 1 800 line for free So he gave me everything For free and then I started taking his action He found out why I needed the fucking phones because I was selling sports information So when I when I got the weekend from Laurie kill Martin I had to do something

So right away I took that office. I started out of my back room and he I marked Josh move had an apartment that he shared with mark madison and another guy There was four bedrooms. It was I forget the name of the town it was in but josh had a girlfriend He lived with her So that room was open So I would sleep in that room from time to time when Carol threw me out And one day I just said can I run my operation out of there? So what I did was I called this guy in San Diego

I bought one of you were like right now today if you go to any newsstand across the country There's going to be an article. There's going to be a magazine about the top 20 sports betting services All right When you read the fine print, it's the same company The guy who publishes the book Owns company number one four and eight So I looked at this I saw the scam he was doing and I called him up and he answered the home

And I just bought your magazine. I see what you're doing I want a piece of the action. I want to work with you and he goes. What do you mean? I go What do you sell a package for he goes? I sell a package for the year I sell it for 2,500 in june. Nobody does that only an idiot would do that Like if I called you up and you were a sports better and you go My package just from uh, august 15th To the superbowl and you pay me $50,000. I wouldn't I wouldn't I wouldn't even give you a dollar I'm doing it month a month

Uh, so that's why when I worked for Kurt it was 35 350 dollars So every time you made 3,500 you paid me 350 That was the initial deal. That's the deal you bought We clobbered you after that, but that's like the point The point is I called the guy and I said listen instead of selling monthly If they don't want to buy from you, give me those leads

And if I hit I'll give you a percentage of the action So I would sell monthly So I would call these people cold call and go lease. I at Pete fucking scurranovic. How you doing? Who's Pete? Who Pete? Listen Pete. There's no same word About a month and a half ago. You called all star sports and they gave you a quote of $25,000 for the season, correct? Yeah, but I'm not listen. Forget about it. You're interested. Do you know how you're talking to? And I would just make up a fucking name of the story and tell him I won $20,000 last week betting And that I could go four for four and all this shit and I go listen the beauty about me is I don't charge by the month

By the year I don't charge by the season. I charge by the month or in other words You pay me when you get paid. So I want 10% of what you make That's it 10. Yeah 10% Let's do this grab your credit card Send me 200 bucks and those days. I didn't have a credit card machine So I would have to collect all my money on western union You can oh wait you bring your credit card number to western union or you say western union You have to go to western union and people will do it. Oh, they do it all the time

I was picking up 200s once a day. It's like the IRS scam And I would fucking get like you to pick it up and I give you 50 bucks because it was free money Go up down now go up there and pick it up. I give you 50 bucks. What else are you doing with your life? And you go up there and pick it up under your name. I'd have the guy send it to you The guy you're gonna send the package to his name is Lisa. Yeah, you don't want to cross Lisa. Yeah, he's missing an eye He's six foot eight. He just got out of jail for prison. He killed the garden there, too I would just make up shit That's how I was making a living in seattle on the phones

Upstairs from josh wolf while me and him and once we became tight we took gigs together So he would headline I'd be his feature and mark would be the opener If I got a headlining gig from donna richards, he was the feature And lennie schmidt was the opener. We all used each other So you always had work and even if not I tagged along Come on. Let's go. You sleep on the floor and you do a guest spot Then we eat chinese food and shit And it's it's it's an interesting thing because that's really

I mean, I'm even noticing it early on that it's it's You have to know people you have to go out there and meet people. It's not the camaraderie. I don't list these things The camaraderie of comedy is very special Until like I was very I was part of a camaraderie and then by that show jealousy And they got me thrown out of the club And for what they never did nothing with their career. So the whole thing wasn't As a matter of fact, I'm happy with them today. I forget for throwing me out. That's why I worked

The comedy works because I'm grateful because if they wouldn't have thrown me out I would have stuck around denver and fucking failed miserably So by me leaving it took me out of my comfort zone. It took me up to seattle And now I had feature status under my belt I was working as a feature for triple still on the road. I always had work Lee Every week I was working. So you were gone. No, not even really gone. I was in seattle. So I would get up on stage twice on monday Twice on tuesday once and then the week started for the clubs on wednesday. So Uh, the one lady who died she booked bars

She booked bars from kent bellingham Yakima washington she booked bars that you could drive home there and back to every night no hotel 125 for the feature and 200 for the headline Did you ever get uh, did you ever get a gig bomb and not get hired again by that person? Oh, yeah But those gigs don't care. They're bar gigs. Okay. They're bar gigs. It's in that Madison square garden They're bar gigs. They you know, you just they're gonna hack on you. They're not the greatest audiences, but that's how you learn You don't learn Listen, all I gotta do is say glee. You're my opener

It's the three years. You're my opener one day. I'm not gonna do comedy no more You're gonna have to face the real world and you're gonna be fucking lost Because you've been going up in front of 400 people who are prepared for you Well, any idiot could do that I could program any monkey to do six minutes to go up on stage for an audience that's prepared You don't want to go in front of audience how it's prepared for comedy You want to go to you want to go to a lounge in a hotel where there's 60 people when they're drinking And 10 of them are trying to fuck the bartender

And you come on there with your little fucking Boston shirt on and say, hi, how you doing? This welcome to tuesday night comedy night and people look at you like what the fuck is this I don't know if you guys know this but every tuesday we do comedy here And we have a raffle and we do and then you're sitting there going what the fuck As a feature act as a new comic You're sitting there going what the fuck is this? Thank you. Okay. Your first act coming to the stage Joey Diaz

And you go up there and there's like four claps out of 60 people They don't want to see you and see you they want to fuck this waitress They want to fuck the store this the hotel bar and here you come along with your stupid jokes And then a headline that comes on which really pisses him off And he's getting heckled If you bomb and talk to the audience and they talk that's it the show is done, but you don't know that early on These are all those corners that you find out I could take any comic on the road with me for two years. He'll be he'll get he'll improve a little bit

He'll get better his confidence will get better. But once I cut him loose, he's lost He's like a bear in the fucking woods. That's why even when I was opening for rogan. I always did my own gigs I never just opened for rogan. I did my own gigs From time to time I told rogan no because it was very important to me not to depend on just rogan I would take his gigs, but I would headline another gigs and I would let him know So that's what this is all about and do you learn that by watching someone do that you learn this by life Nobody wants nobody depending on you If I see one person depending on me a little bit too much, I got to cut him loose

You got to do your own things. You got to make your own moves. That's a A lot of comics don't understand That's why tell comics when they get hooked up on another comic and the comics taking them on the road all the time Don't get comfortable Start picking your own gigs Well, he'd ask me every week and I'm telling you Because you're going to get used to it's it's it's a it's a it's a bittersweet situation And that's why I say the comics you have to do triple runs. You got to go to places for years for years

years Years I was doing comedy eight years and I was going on triple runs for years It didn't matter it didn't matter to me. It was always just work It didn't matter what you paid me because I was only getting that much better You know, like I said going to a comedy store and going to the eight ball in and Missoula, Montana two different stories Especially as a feature act. You're the first guy up

You're following some fucking guy that that is a host at a bingo thing on Tuesdays We were laughing about that last night when you said that they're gonna be like, well, I've never met a Jew before Can I touch you? Yeah, it's the truth It's the truth, you know, this is what you encounter So when I got to Seattle, I fucking dove into it guys I dove into it hard that I was on stage there. There was a place on Mondays That's why I got this from losing Tacoma. Tacoma has a comedy club now. This was when Barbara A chick used to run. I think her name was Barbara. Don't forgive me because she's my friend on facebook now

She used to run a room on monday nights in Tacoma It was a contest if you won you got a hundred bucks and you came back the next week and hosted for a hundred bucks Nice. I did that twice a month I would go get the hundred for winning and then and I'd go down there with no money So I had to win I'd force myself not to have gas money I had to win Jesus That was the process

that I lived in Seattle and then December 6 What happened in Seattle was basically this I still had that funk on me I still had that funk on me sometimes in your life Everything's going right, but you have this little funk on you. I had the funk on me from 79 To about 89 90

And then I caught this funk on me about 94 And I moved to Seattle And the first week I'm in Seattle like that sunday we went to your district And I got a ticket for jaywalk It's a bullshit ticket ticket for jaywalk and you think I looked at the cop. I go this is like a candy camera He goes nah, you got a ticket for jaywalk and you gotta go to court. I ripped the ticket up I didn't think about it. You know fucking three months later They came and got me in October and arrested me for fucking that pain not going for fucking court on a failure to appear

Holy and you hadn't like no uh History in Seattle at all nothing nothing. I got right off the bat. I got in trouble And then me and carol got into an argument in front of the fucking place And I got charged with harassment Not sexual harassment or assault or nothing like that us arguing She got charged with something and I got charged with something And they put a restraining order on us

But we still like the fuck so we get together and then I get arrested because of the restraining order It was a fucking nightmare. I lived in then they put me in jail for a month For four weeks I went to jail from December 6th to like january 4th for what for fucking violating The whole fucking deal and a boyfriend came out and we got into a fight So I got charged with domestic violence because it had to do with what our house is involved. You have no Fucking idea what I went through And then the night that I got into the fight at the bar and I pulled the cops gun Oh, yes

I was in seattle and I was opening up. I'm in seattle now for about a year Two months and everybody knows I'm a fucking savage Like everybody knows I'm a savage Brody knows it. I'm torturing Brody I'm friends with josh wolf and I'm a fucking savage. I've been arrested. The one chick wouldn't give me work Anymore josh wolf manager didn't like me anymore. She was pissed off at me because I said something one of her rooms one night So half of them had turned on me Do you think I fucking quit fucking? No, you know that lady that hated me that had josh. Well, I was her manager She had about 20 rooms

And every week One of my one of the parts that would annoy the fuck I was I would call her and she didn't answer the phone because there was no caller ID And her name was laura crocker god rest her soul And I would call her every week that he humiliated her to go. Hey, can I do a guest spot? At your club on thursday night and she'd go I could see why not And I'd go down there and kill and the owner would go to me Why doesn't she book and I go she don't like me when she lets me do guest sets

I always did those guest sets to fuck with her Because I knew that even though she didn't like me. I was always getting better She was making me better But then something happened. I I got to back up a little bit something happened that changed the game on me After I got the feature spot for lorry kill martin on labor day And I started getting work around town in mid october they came to me and they said are you interested in doing the seattle comedy competition And I go are you fucking serious and they're like, yeah

And I go, yeah, and after I sign up they go to me listen. I don't know if you know this but dirty acts don't do well In the competition, so don't don't get your feelings hurt Until today as a comedian. I don't know what the contest world is like today. I don't know anything. I don't get involved But I will tell you one thing The seattle comedy competition 1995 was my turning point in my career. It was a learning point It showed me true camaraderie And it taught me a lot. It was a one month intensive on comedy It was one of the most intense things I ever went through if I'm looking back at it today

The first week you go up on stage against 15 comedians and you have six minutes A light comes on at four and a half and another light comes on at five and a half if you go over six you lose a point And every night it's a different location, but it's not a it's not a comedy club it's pizza places and And you know, it's just really weird places So we all signed up me josh gaven And in my mind like I had done freshman year in basketball. I figured out the starting team I found out who was coming up from other cities

And I was like, you know what I'm gonna fucking win this fucking thing And I'll never forget this people at the first night. It was at a pizza place I forget the name of the town 10 minutes outside of seattle And I'll never forget going there with the highest expectations and getting lit up Like just getting lit up. I saw comics that were fucking amazing I thought I would at least take the top three. I think I came in 13th that night Opening night. I have no reason to lie to you people. I came in 13th out of 16th I went home

You have no idea what thoughts were going through my head that night I was baseline Jumping off the building because I had stopped being a father. I left my beautiful apartment in bolder. I left my fucking job I left everything for this dream as a comic and I'm a fucking failure I didn't even make it to the top fucking five of this contest Let me tell you something. I got home that night I didn't do coke. I didn't do nothing. I drank soda

And I wrote that fucking set over and over and over and I fucking cut the fat off And I did this and I did that and guess what tuesday I came in and I came in fucking for it And now I was in the fucking game because you had a place three out of the four nights or something like that So the rest of the week I kept fucking place and guess what motherfuckers I advanced to the following week But now you got a week off So the first week it's 15 comics seven shows one night a show And they determined from that they take five

Jesus so from coming in number 13th on monday I don't know what tuesday was. I remember thursday night was like an army base and I fucking leveled the room same material switched it up That's when I learned about switching up That week on the spot like right there and now i'm like I can't do this material So now when I got to bigger rooms I learned how to measure audiences when I was in bars They like a little dirtier and when I went bigger rooms to the comedy rooms that are really legit comedy rooms

They like a little smarter So I said a little smarter material that I thought was a little smarter and it got me through the week So I made it to the top five of week number one That's not fucking bad Then there was another week and I went to watch that week and boy That I shipped my pants if the comedians I went up against that week were good. You should have seen what came in the second week It was torture jack. It was aisha taylor David crow and all these motherfuckers

That would just buck route, but the guy that stuck out the most was a black kid from portland, origan He stuck out like a sore fucking thumb. He was funny He Died he lived in michigan and he died about six months ago And his name slips my mind floyd j phillips god rest his soul. He was a fucking great human being That guy Listen when somebody beats you up that bad that you come in 13th. You really don't want to talk to that guy

I let all that shit aside I made him my best friend I wanted to know what he was doing and we became best friends That week we all hung out that week and then the second week that week We let him sleep at our house so we could go out together every night and watch the other contest He lived in portland So he would drive back and forth some nights. So me floyd j phillips outry ferris josh wolf it was just a string of us that I remember from that contest aisha taylor

and the second week Then they picked five and then the third week Those 10 battle it out for the top five And then those five battle it out with a final performance at the seattle art center For the fucking final and did you have time to do practice mics? Of like while you while this was happening. Were you doing sets every night? Seven nights in a row. You're with them starting at seven thirty Checking is at seven o'clock. You're with them till fucking 10 o'clock 10 30 15 comm is gotta go up and do six

minutes So 10 comics is an hour Another five is a half hour mc warm-up announcements the top five and then I clap two three hours you there It's a tough week for a comic but So then we had to do The second week we got tight instead of like thinking I was cool because I won the second I made it to the top five of the first week

I made it my point to become friends with the guys in the second week Like I went every night. I supported some of them and yeah, I think two of the nights I had a gig But I had a good time like James Inman made me laugh and there's a guy that Is around here now. I forget what his name is. He's really clean and we James Inman kept was trying to be sober So we would give him shots at the key to fuck him up because when he would get drunk he would go after this kid And on stage and he told the kid the last night if he says one more joke about his current wife He was gonna fucking kill him and all that was very funny. We had we were slumped coke

I mean, we were having a great time and then that saturday night We went back to the underground and One of the football players was there. His name was christian fiori He ended up cushion for you from the kids before he played for the Patriots He played for the Seattle Seahawks. I don't know and I knew him from boulder So he gave us all tickets like 10 tickets for the next day's game And all this comics got to go to that seattle seahawk game And I still remember us sitting and laughing and giggling and there was no animosity

And everybody was really cool And I remember like going this is I don't know where i'm going from here I have no idea what my future brings But this is one of the coolest things that has ever happened to me Like I knew You know, I totally that when I started going to the fourth wall That I felt something I felt I started going through things that I shouldn't have I started thinking about my career and early on and

What keeps you alive as a company? What keeps you telling your mother mom? I can't get a job. I'm telling you I'm a fucking comedian I'm going you better get a fucking job telling Joe, you know, what keeps you from telling your friends you can't get a job You know, there's so many things Nothing was really happening for three years then it all started coming together for me And now we're seeing it and that was make remember that week for seattle county competition. You get like $50 a set Not even you got like $35 a set. So there's no money and you got to pay for your own hotel So if you're an out of town that you got to pay for your own hotel those seven nights

So all those guys go up in packs So if you were from Boston, you me and Eric Rocha would go to seattle together rent a car and just rent the shitty hotel room and all of us would sleep on the floor We would fucking eat shitty food Domino's pizza and just live off the fat of the land for a week. That's it Fuck Share showers. That's it. That's that's what you do

That's the cost of fucking doing that but that to me second First dream was the county store, but that to me was possibly One of my best experiences and I let go of a lot of like I let go of the machismo. I let go of the hating of the comics. I let go of that early on Like we're all trying to be comedians here. It was a fucking just dynamite contest And then next thing, you know, I'm in jail and now I get out

But you know what man, even though people talk shit about me and stuff. I still kept doing comedy And as crazy as I was now it's 96 And I'm still doing fucking comedy. I'm getting arrested every 90 days I got arrested once on the head of ecstasy And I was fucking Carol and the cops came and arrested me and then I got off on the ecstasy in the county jail And I started touching another inmate and shit. I didn't know what was going on You have no idea Lee. This was a real open mic career And then that summer I started featuring around I started headlining for tribal

Trouble let me go headline and I was headlining like uh one nighters now And I was featuring so I was doing a little bit everything I was emceeing on friday nights at an army base For $50 a set and I and I didn't show up on friday. I still got a check So I figured out she never knew When I wouldn't go So I would send you go down there and host for me. It's no money. You would host and I get 50 bucks It was It was criminality

It was the end of my criminality with comedy But the situation with carol was bad, you know, it was a it was a volatile Situation, you know, she's a fucking stripper and I'm like, uh A fucking Wild man that's a catholic and doesn't believe in that shit and I couldn't think about what she was doing I really couldn't handle it. Can you remind me what year it is now? This is 96. This is 96 so now It's may of 95 and on the schedule

I knew this little guy. He slept all my house in boulder And the second time I saw him. He really made me fucking laugh And I couldn't remember his name and I told somebody who this person was and he goes, you're talking about doug stannell I go, yeah, doug stannell. What happened to him? He goes, bro He just won the san francisco comedy competition And he's coming up here something it was it was It was after he won san francisco like eight months after he won san francisco or something like that And he was coming to seattle for the weekend and I and I couldn't get on as a feature

I tried to feature and I couldn't get on. I don't remember who I think james in been featured and riko riko featured for him But that friday that thursday night that friday night my plan was to go see doug stannell and that saturday I was gonna go camping And I was gonna go see a lannis morissette at the gorge with my girlfriend I went down and I said, hello this doug stannell. He remembered me. He gave me a big hug. Thank you for letting me stay in your house It was great. He goes the word around town is that the host from the broker got really funny Because I had just gone from zero to 60 like I was a host at this place. I was eating a bag of dicks for a year

And now at least I was finding my way and he goes the word got out that the host of the broker Funny, I'm proud of you know this shit I watched this show ladies and gentlemen And it was one of the best performances I've ever seen still till today 27 years later of comedy I'm telling you that doug stanhope june of 96 There was nobody better than doug stanhope and still till today. He's one of my top favorites But he blew up that room like I had never seen him before And yes, I was very happy for him and I was laughing my ass off

But it was painful for a guy like me Because in the back of my mind, I thought I'd never get that good Like I was like, I'll never be that good like this will never ever ever happen in my life like I went I left that night. I gave him a hug And I think I cried myself to sleep that night Because it pained me that I would never be that good Like I don't know if I'm not doing what he's doing. I can't do this But he was ahead of you, right? He was ahead of me by a few years, but it didn't matter

It didn't matter. I was doing this completely different routine And I wanted to do what he was doing. He was free That's something a lot of people could never understand the term of being free He was fucking free You could tell 10 minutes You could tell from the back of the room how free he was with his drinking He did not care. You saw all these comics with their suits on well prepared Jokes, timing

Not stamp hope He was just everywhere and he would go into a bit and hold on one second and then go into another bit And then they'll stop the show. I'm gonna give Rico a one minute guest spot And he would make rico do one minute and time it and then throw rico off and then go back into his routine It was just crazy and people are walking out. I mean guys It was the most brilliant thing I saw like I said, I cried myself to sleep I woke up the next morning and I've campsite And and carol even said to me she goes, what's the matter and I go? I'm fucking bummed

Because I'm never ever Be that good It was one hour of fucking brilliance 21 years ago One hour of just brilliance he left and I changed completely And I'll never forget that I got into a fight with carol one night And I was broke and I went to the open mic and that's the first time It had to be

July or august of 96 I started in 91 Now six years later five years later This was the first time I had really found my voice That set was lurking around town for a while It's a set of me with like a long t-shirt on real skinny with a v-neck And it was seven minutes that you would have died. You could hear brody. You could hear josh wolf in the back Somebody tapped the tape and I brought it down here with me. It was a fucking mom. I would watch the set and go that wasn't me

Because I found my voice the first time I went up there and talked about what really was in my stomach All that of the shit for the first five years that was just razzmatazz But it was so good lee that it scared me It scared me. I don't want to be that good Like that's just too crazy. I can't never do that again. So again, I strayed away from it I strayed away from it for about two months And then something a joke happened that a judge got caught shoplifting

And I just went ran with it. I can't remember what the bit was nothing But I ran with it and one day I got a call that Doug Stanhope was doing New Year's Eve In uh Seattle and he wanted me to be the feature And josh wolf to be the opener if he wanted then josh wolf Didn't take it because he had a new year's gig somewhere else So here I was Now two weeks prior to this I'm at the underground on a Wednesday night and off night In those days lee would take the room on Wednesdays and hire us and we would shop up 70% of the door

So we each get like 15 bucks and go to uh That place and eat seafood on on happy hour. It was just McCormick and Schmidt Yeah, we would just go to McCormick and Schmidt the 10 of us take We just go me Brody tana Brody no Gavin josh wolf

tana manu and somebody else had a name for themselves like a comedy name As a group like as a group like they would do shows together then we would be the special guest So we all gave each other Wednesday night. So at the comedy underground those days Wednesdays the sunday nights would come comedy nights You could pick that night pick the lineup And do it like I I would call it the mumbo kings of comedy on sunday night And I would have like four comics go up And I would go up there with a suit like rick and rick Cardo and shit. It was complete chaos I was terrible, but this is what you go through

This is the experimentation. This is part of the fucking journey So two weeks prior to stand open new years Were three weeks a guy comes up to me and says he's got a cbs pilot And he wants me to do it and I'm sitting there going This is crazy This is 97. This is crazy. Did you believe him? No, it's 96. I'm like, no, I don't believe you. I didn't say that I just said, okay, call me any fucking call me He called me and he fucking overnighted me the script

And I'm like, what are you want me to do when he goes? Well, I'm trying to move you. I'm trying to get you down to this pilot I can probably get you a plane ticket. I live up here. I don't have no money for an apartment or whatever And he goes, let me see what I could do, you know, and then I didn't hear from him over the holidays Doug Stanhope came to town and I got to do five sold-out shows with Doug Stanhope Do you guys have any idea what that's like during new years eve? Do you have any fucking idea guys what it's like? It was mind-boggling for a guy like me Let me open up the door. It's getting warm in here. It was mind-boggling for a guy like me to fucking open up to Stanhope I can't even imagine especially at we're doing all those bar gigs and doing shows where they're yelling at you to do five

sold-out shows must have been crazy It must have even been like, oh, I don't even care that this guy hasn't called me back yet Like it wasn't even in your brain. It wasn't I didn't look at it that way. I didn't look at it as I Had done bar shows. I didn't look at that. I looked at it as I was on stage with Doug Stanhope for new years and

At this year at this time last year I was in jail And at this time the year before that I was shoplifting a fucking Christmas tree So my daughter could have a fucking Christmas Like to me this was the farthest I would ever go like I was convinced that this was it I'm not gonna get any farther than Doug Stanhope But that's saturday night. I think new years was on a sunday or a monday or something And that's saturday night. He pulled me aside and he goes, listen, man. There's a lot of latino nights In LA you should really consider moving to los angeles

I think you would do great and my heart stopped Because you just got that call. I went home and I couldn't fucking sleep. What call? I didn't give a fuck about a call I gave a fuck about a guy telling me That I was funny. That was fucking hilarious. I didn't give a fuck about no call. I wasn't no fucking actor This is the funniest guy on the circuit telling me I should move to LA Because I'm ready for LA in my mind

The most distant thing that I was Was far. I you know, I was on the road for fucking three years with a bunch of people Who told me I would do nothing in LA And he is the hottest comic in america Telling me to move to fucking LA. I didn't give a fuck about no tv show. The tv show was bullshit A new year's eve. I didn't give a fuck about no tv show I was doing blow I was about to go home and eat channels asshole

And I just finished opening up for dug and dug asked me. What are they paying? I said 250 and he threw like 500 in my pocket That was the magic of dug stanhope back then So dug stanhope on like december 30th Told me to move to fucking LA And by the third of january, I was already making plans Like there was no I got away the year and a half Put away money. I don't know what you're talking about That's never gonna happen. That pipe dream is never gonna happen when people tell you that it's never gonna happen

By the third of january I was already thinking about how I was gonna move to LA And I like the fifth I got a letter in the mail that my probation was getting revoked And they were gonna put me in the county jail for 90 days Fuck so it didn't stop Just when I thought I was out of seattle And I wasn't gonna go with carol. That was the best thing. I will not take carol Did she know this? Huh? Did she know about this plan? She knew about the plan and I kept saying yeah, you could stay here and dance

Let me go down there and see how it is and she's like if you go down there, I'm going down there Which eats my burden Because now I had a financial fucking somebody to help me So I kind of sold my soul away. I didn't want to come but I had no choice you know And I fucking got cbs to get an attorney and just it was just a fucking horrible thing And I was out of fucking I think I was out of seattle by january 16th

Done two weeks later When Doug Stanhope tells you you're a funny guy That's it That's how much I meant to you. That's it And I said this is the deal here I'll get there in january and I'll stay till june If nothing happens june of july if nothing happens I'll fucking move to jersey and sell coke

You didn't think about going back to seattle No Why would I go back to seattle? It's a backwards move. I'm already in LA. I'm at the capital of comedy I can't go back to seattle. I got a warrant in seattle. They barely got me out of seattle. Why would I go back to seattle? So that was my goal it was to stay here till fucking june. That's it. I had no expectations whatsoever I got here january 29th on a fucking monday night We pulled up on fairfax. We lived in the trailer and we went to al capulco on sunset, which is now

The sycamore tavern We went there for dinner and had dinner there the all-you-can-eat buffet like two animals that we were And we shot to the fucking comedy store And as I walked and I saw eddie griffin and I saw a fucking James stevens deterred I saw him there I Saw the star the last dragon hanging out with eddie griffin and my mind was blown and then I saw wheels And I started talking to wheels. I had seen wheels open up for fucking andrew dice clan

And my head was blown And it was monday at 11 30 and we're like tomorrow morning. We're getting up at 6 and we're going to the laugh factory to stand online That was my first day in LA. I don't know nothing about nothing And I went I stood online and jay messiah told me that you came to a wrong town. You don't belong here You're a cabaret comic. You're a dirty comic. You're gonna have a hard time here plus you're too old So that was my welcome to LA people for you people think this is a fucking domino game and that this is So I was out of the laugh factory

But there was this cat on fridays and saturdays that booked a room Like 25 minutes from here in a mexican neighborhood and it was called the brave bull And mariland martinez I had met her in the latino laugh festival was showcased I called her when I got the town And she gave me a bunch of numbers of latino comics to call Felipe willy barsana Jeff Garcia

They all had rooms And everybody called me back except rudy marina So what did I do? I drove down there on a friday. I did a seven minute spot. I fucking buried the fucking room And the rest was history I became type rudy And he started giving me spots so right off the bat What those comics on the road was saying to me that you can't make money in this town It was broken because I was and let me tell you When I got here I was having problems with that girl

And let me tell you the guy duck stanhope was duck stanhope had bunk beds in his apartment And I slept in the top bunk And I'd get up every morning at 8 30 and I'd go up and buy a newspaper on curson at the 7 11 And I'd apply for jobs Every morning I applied for different jobs And then I'd go back at 12 when he woke up and we'd write together We'd write till about three or four and he wouldn't eat nothing. He'd drive me crazy He would just drink coffee and smoke cigarettes till fucking four or five hours

Anybody's like a pigeon. He'd make like ramen or something like that And then he would take us to the improv and introduce us and shit like that Duck stanhope did a lot for me at the beginning man a lot. I mean, you know And josh wolf was already here So josh was making his way So when I got here I had support So what do you think is that different about you that you were able to

Listen to dog and not listen to the negative people and to and to realize. Okay. This is someone I need to spend more time listen to me a couple weeks ago you came in here with a bunch of stories And I even said to somebody I think at least getting sucked into the open mic world Because he's hearing the negativity of the world. He's taking the negativity of comedy You're hearing all the what they think they know if they knew it they wouldn't be at denny's with you eating at two in the morning That's why I don't want you to say a fucking word Because right now you're like a prospect. Did you watch the Mayans last night? No, I haven't the prospect walked in

He went to shake the guy's hand the guy threw keys on and said Detail all the bikes That's what you are right now in comedy. You're a prospect like I was I was a prospect You do all the shitty gigs The gigs that nobody wants to do you do the gigs that are hard you do but it was so weird that You don't follow fucking losers You naturally follow winners And they're not going to open up their arms to you you have to show them something

And I knew that all my life that was common sense You know people in this town think they move here and they go to the improv and they they use that word They use a word they go to circulate. What's that word? Oh, um network network networking and me don't get along I never networked. I networked on stage I never went to the improv to see what was happening My first two or three weeks here. I hit every fucking coffee shop Every fucking open mic in the valley All those mexican rooms. I left my house every night at 7 30

Every night I left my house at 7 7 30 and I wouldn't get home till 2 in the morning My first two weeks here and then I got into the comedy store a month afterward And that solidified everything because I would get early spots and then close out the store That's all I knew That's all I knew I didn't know anything else But even then there was a lower level of comics that hung out at the store just to hang out And they would get in my ear and try to tell me things and I would think about where the source was coming from

And there were people that were disenchanted. They were disoriented The cards hadn't worked their way And I see that a lot today. You see that a lot You see because of the internet and because of social media You got these young comics that haven't done anything and they have a voice you haven't done anything You haven't done anything You know

Look at fucking moron. He's been in the same spot for two fucking years vertically. He hasn't made a vertical move But he has the balls to call me out. That could only happen now. I would never do that to a comic That would be against my fucking rules to I mind my business You got a problem with a comic you shut your fucking mouth and you work around them if he fucking invades your space Then you knock them the fuck out or tell them to get the fuck away from you And I did that plenty of fucking times plenty of times. I told people get the fuck away from me You just fall into a gap of people who

Just did disenchanted I don't listen to those people I listen to them and I see where they're coming from and That's why they're in the shape they're in. That's why their head is there So I get it you know 98 99 in la was very hard for me But what made it easier was that I was I was irregular at the store But I slept in a fucking car in la for six months

And something happened that was very weird In fact, he's gonna be on the podcast in a couple weeks a guy by the name Of joy medina came to me great guy and said I have a comic apartment That nobody stays there Stay in there for six weeks and get your head together get your life together. That's what I did And I got on stage every night and I put away a little bit of money And I'm in my borrow some fucking money I always had a job in LA. I always sold cigars on the phone. I sold screws nuts and bolts

I fucking catered. I can't I can't tell you how many jobs I catered to josh wolf You know for fucking at Lobo, uh, old cholo. Is that the name of the mexican restaurant? Oh, cholo, it's a fucking phenomenal and make margarine is phenomenal on western Okay, not I thought you were I thought you were talking about el torito again now. No, no, no, this is called. Oh, cholo It's an la I catered I did everything. I don't people talking about Look what happened a few days ago that the black guy from the cosby's they saw him working and people threw a shift It you got to support your family and you got to know when I listen. I know that you love comedy I know you love comedy. You know, I know you love comedy because I love comedy

But guess what you got to put food on the table and you got to do because at first I was lazy I was like, I'm not working. I don't I'm an artist. That's shit That shit don't work too. That shit don't work out in your favor You have to do something you have to justify your existence until you get to that next level so 90 97 You know, I get to LA and I'm just like anybody else. I mean, I'm just at the store I'm at the bottom of the room. I'm working myself up people are talking down to me

I still remember who talked down to me. They're still in town. They won't even look at me now They don't even get spots anymore They don't even get spots anymore. That's why you got to be fucking nice to people so I got a manager who was worthless And he got me an agent I shot the pilot I blew that that was a blown deal. That was a deal that when they shot me they I had blown the deal. I couldn't act

I couldn't act I wasn't an actor So I never called me back again. The pilot never got picked up And then I had my doubts I was like, you know, maybe I'll go back to Boulder But when I had gotten here, I signed with a company called Sutton Barton Menari And I found out two weeks later. They're like, they're the best commercial agent in fucking town And as soon as I signed with them not a week later, they started sending me an audition. I had never been in an audition before

So here I had no confidence because I couldn't act on TV I had no fucking confidence and I and I refused to take an acting class at that time I was like, I'm not fucking taking no acting class And I booked this fucking Taco Bell commercial Oh my god I booked the Taco Bell commercial the director liked me and then I went to the callback and they gave it to me in the room And it shot it was supposed to shoot Miami And then the last minute they should want to shoot in Venice and then the night before the the commercial they called me

They said they cut your commercial But they still want you to go and get paid for three days What's the point But I went down there And I sat in my trailer And I watched tv and when it was time to go eat I went out there and I ate and I saw a guy That I knew from the comedy scene and he was a sag extra He was getting 256 dollars a day and those days extras got 35 dollars a day

Fuck and if you were a sag extra you got 256 plus overtime We started talking And I started talking loud and next thing you know, I was holding court joey deers style Like at hashways in north bergen like being a kid. I was just telling stories And the director heard me and he came over to me and he goes Sit tight. I'm gonna get you in this commercial Swear to god just from a conversation Just from not talking and being in your trailer. Yeah, he goes sit tight. I'm gonna get you in this commercial

I like you you make me laugh And sure enough, he just made up a scene and put me in the commercial And the kid Was shining my shoes and I was smoking a Cuban cigar And the dog goes past us And that was it But I booked it with a guy named buzz beymundo Rest of peace. He died about a year ago buzz beymundo

Was a good guy. His wife was an agent He was an old comedy store guy And I befriended him on the set and he was very very nice to me So we kept in touch after the commercial shoot And about mid-july he calls me up one day and he goes did you get your letter in the mail? And I go what letter and he goes the letter that we got cut from the commercial They paid me an extra day's pay And I didn't get the letter

Oh, shit I go I didn't get it yet, but I haven't got my mail yet today. When did you get he goes? I just got it right now. He goes at least we got to meet we had a good experience. I go, yeah, I know don't worry about nothing I call my agent my agent goes we haven't heard nothing, but we do have checks here for you holding checks And I go, I didn't know what that meant I don't I don't know what it means. I go, what's a holding check and they'll go They have to pay you to hold you so you're being used in this commercial. I just hung up the phone I thought they were lying to me

I thought they were lying to me And then I got like $3,200 the man like four checks And I was like, wait a second And I took him my cash to Matt Whitley the check cash in place And that was august of 97 And next thing, you know I would get calls from the accountant at Sutton Barter and Ari and call me and say

You got like 19 checks here come and pick them up And I would go to Sutton Barter and Ari and pick up checks. It was mind-boggling It was mind-boggling. I wasn't going back to Boulder. I wasn't going to New Jersey. I wasn't going anywhere I found my call. I'm doing commercials And that commercial ran from august till january of 98 Fuck so four or five months During the world series Ten times during the world series. I was making 2,500 a night. Oh my god during the world series

Because the first time they air it is 2,500 the second time it's 1,500 the third time it's 750 the fourth time it's 400 and you start all over again So you get that check $4,500 It was glee. It was crazy. It got to the point where I got sick of cashing checks I was done with the girl. I was living in a hotel on hollywood boulevard like a sleazy hotel Even though you're getting all these checks I was snorting blow doing spots at the store

every once in a while There was a I'd stay at the hotel 101 where the diner is I would splurge And get two nights at the hotel and take a nice shower and just watch tv Just relax because I had been through hell. I've been sleeping on floors sleeping on cars Jesus Didn't you get the call for that? uh Basically or something in one of those in one of those apartments and now

So now I had blown all my money blew every dime On cocaine and I was starting to go on the road a little bit I had met Joe Rogan by this time But I also met somebody else by this time That blew my mind And the kid's name was Ralphie May I met him at the store one night and he was big and fat and young

Guys, he was fucking young. He was a baby He had fat little cheeks and shit and he had goofy fucking glasses And he was just a big fat guy and I didn't get it And then I got a call one day. What was I doing on Thanksgiving? And he was staying at Joey Medina's house And me and Marilyn Marilyn's husband Alex Ray Mundo Jeff got a bunch of us went over to his house uh to Joey's house and

Ralphie had cooked that time Ralphie was broke But he cooked his big turkey for everybody and stuffing and he was so big he was just on the futon And he had broken already like every time he would move the little Japanese wood would make little noises He was just a sweetheart of a guy and he uh I still remember when he was blowing up when the laugh factory because he was a regular at the store He was a regular at the impromptu within weeks like he broke my record like within weeks He was a regular everywhere. He was that likable

But yeah, he signed with a manager That was the mistake. He signed with this manager. It was terrible. And then Jamie Masato wanted And that's the funny story between him and I that's how we really became friends He came up to me like hello, can I ask you a question? Mr. Diaz, you know, like he was very polite then He wasn't like a big time weed smoker or anything And he goes I have a problem Jamie Masato wants to sign me

But I already signed with a manager, but it was well known In town that she was dying of cancer. She was on her last leg Oh my god, and I looked at him as serious as I could and I go, listen She got one for the gray one of an anaphyl if you're gonna fly on now is the time, you know And he tried to keep a straight face He just busted out and fucking laughed And that's how we became friends and then Doug Stanhope had a friend named Andy Andrist

And he lived in an apartment on Gardner Andy moved to Alaska and Doug Stanhope took over that apartment He was also a friend of Ralphie. So he let Ralphie stay at Gardner So Ralphie moved from the Joy Medina's house to Andy Andrews's house And that's how the relationship started And then Ralphie would go to Houston and come back and bring his friends And he'd bring John Westling, Celine, God rest her soul

Ralph, uh Who's the kid who just recently died Sean Rouse came up here with Ralphie John Westling. I mean Ralphie was just the salt of the earth you know, I mean Guys I don't have a family But God had now surrounded me with this little comedy family At Ralphie at Josh Wolf at Doug Stanhope

And then there was another kid who would walk into the store with a backwards hat on And he was Mr. King hot shit All the chicks liked him. He was always with a chick And he would always go up like at 11 He was a good-looking kid and I didn't know his name was Joe Rogan. I had saw him on a showtime show Uh, the dirty dozen one night when I was on meth On showtime I watched him in the hotel room

And this is the first time I had seen or heard of him. I put it together years later. That's all I had seen And they brought him up from news radio and I go fuck this guy. He's a news radio guy. How funny could he be? You know I didn't watch him And then one night I was on stage And I was eating a bag of dicks At 1145 I mean everybody was there the place was packed on a satellite And I'm just dying up at the store

And I'll never forget saying You guys are killing me and he was in the back and he goes you're killing me And I didn't know whether to get off the stage and karate chop him. I didn't know what to do But I went home that night. I was pissed, but he was right. He was absolutely fucking right In a couple days later, I befriended him and the rest was history I my girlfriend told me he was on news radio I watched the show and I told him I wanted to go to a live taping and he gave me a number and I called it He called me back

And he goes, when do you want to go and I told him and I went to the live taping And he saw me at the live taping and he waved me down And I sat on the floor with them Holy shit, I got to eat the chili that they ate and everything and here I am walking around and he's dicking all these people I don't know nothing about nothing Now he becomes my friend So now he's like anytime you want to come come by So in those days me mitch headberg

Josh wolf Mark, I mean not It was a handful of us Ralphie. We would always go to politically incorrect tapings Politically incorrect tape that cbs studios at 430 every day Or once a week or I don't remember what the schedule was All of us would go in there But the only one that wasn't allowed was Doug stanhope Because he had gotten invited to bill's moir's birthday party. He got caught fucking a chick on bill moir's bed

So he had to write an apology letter. He refused to write it So he wasn't allowed to go on the thing So we would go to the tapings and they would pass around pieces of paper Who were the guests that you want to see the most on politically incorrect? And we would tell everybody in our section to put Doug stanhope down And bill moir would see it and lose his fucking mind. I mean, this is what we would do every afternoon So if we didn't go there, I would go to other live tapings just to watch People that I knew like uh, there was somebody I knew

That was all it was vini curto vini curto at the time was shooting a lot of music videos And he got me a music video with the singer from Fuck Credence clear water revival you did a music video. Yeah pay me eight hundred and fifty dollars. It's called hurricane and I play a tough guy at a table and So he would get me on sets

So I would watch But the funny thing was one day rogan called me and he goes come to the set in news radio And I went down there And there was a bowl of fucking prawn shrimp, you know those shrimp are like five inches long And they're tender and all these white people eating lettuce and fucking cheese on the tray I start devouring this shrimp Like i'm going to the chair. I mean i'm sitting there just eating fucking shrimp

Everything if there was 50 shrimp in there I ate 45 of them And somebody went up to rogan and said who's that scary guy with leather jacket on eating all the shrimp And it was me and rogan loved it. He laughed his ass off and that's how he became friends and then rogan Was good friends with chris mcguire from boston who's still around And chris would open for him at the time rogan was just starting to go out And I would never ever ever at those days We were friends, but I would never ask anybody to open for them

That was a violation in my world if somebody wants you to open them, they'll come to you, right, you know and uh I was in miami And we talked and I go you're here next week. I'm here right now and he goes how's the club? I go great He goes see if you could stay in mc And I stayed and I mc and that's how we became tighter and out and you know rogan will tell you That I wasn't funny at that time and then I got funny all of a sudden. Well, what happened was

Me and that girl broke up Once me and carol broke up My energy was being wasted on carol If your thought patterns are 100 percent every day and 50 percent of it is comedy the other 50 It should have been a hundred percent comedy It should have been 90 percent 80 percent comedy and 20 percent my health I didn't care about anything But when I got rid of carol

It was just comedy and I went from being a four to a seven overnight Something snapped at me Not having that pressure it wasn't pressure It was uh It was tough dating her And a lot of you people or women are listening you're in a relationship right now And you don't know what it is and it affects your job. That's what this relationship was doing to me It was affecting me in every single way because at the end of the day as much as I don't want to say that she was a heart

And whenever we were apart she would fuck people and you can't live like that So the day we broke up Is the day my life changed I just cut the imbibical cord off. I didn't care if I slept on floors or nothing And josh wolf had a friend who gave me a car And josh gave me the car And I lived in that fucking car But ralfi would let me take showers there or I would take showers at the comedy store

So I never wanted to be a burden on anybody So I would always take showers at the comedy store in the morning like at 9 0 5 And then I would go back there at 7 30 and take another shower Like this is was my life. I was eating wendysburgers Living on the chili, you know, this was my life. This is all I thought about, you know And even though I was a regular and all that shit and then the beauty was when I got baseball And and it was 98 now and I had No idea what I was doing in baseball

No idea like I was going to audition for an nypd pd Row and on the way out. I saw a lady. She asked me if I was there for an audition I didn't lie. I go. Yeah, she gave me a sheet of paper. I read it and I booked it I didn't have the money for sag like when I got all that money from the taco bell commercial I should have paid for my sag I was a fucking gavone and I should have paid for my sag And all throughout all this you're doing how much coke?

I'm getting high every night 20s 40s So the theme that you weren't going to make money on here was bullshit I was making money the first we got here When you say joey, what's money? Well, this was before rents were 18,000 dollars. This is before, you know, I didn't have a car I had one bill had a 365 dollar payment to child support So once me and carol broke up I lived in that car

And I didn't give a fuck because I was in the game. It didn't matter to me. I lived in that car I was in the game. My goal was to get out of that fucking car I wasn't gonna live in there forever And thank god I had Ralphie I had josh wolf And I had the comedy story Thank god Thank god, you know

This didn't happen, you know, there's a there's a chapter in the gavono book That says you could be out there alone for years stealing But one day you're gonna have to get a partner one day You're gonna have to Seek help, you know, you can't do it by yourself And that came to me at that moment Stan hope taught me how to read like he didn't teach me how to read read But he was the one like I was already a reader

But he was the one like he was the one that gave me like a Henry Rollins book He was the one that turned me on to Henry Rollins So you take a little piece from all these people you meet It's not like you're a thief They make an impression on you and you also look up to them. I looked up to Ralphie I looked up to Doug Stanhope. I looked up to mitch headberg. I looked up to josh wolf I looked up to my peers I looked up to all of them because I learned something from every single one of them without asking

A certain way how to act a certain way how to get on stage It's just all these things come to you and like I said, you know I just built this bond and and you said to me the other day that The people listen to the numbers of the podcast, but it's the old ones the old relationships Because you could hear it in our voices I don't want people to think that I just rolled into this town and I love when people like somebody just saw me on er And they put pictures of me in the yard. That was 2003 You know the reason why I'm tough on you about comedy and I want you to know that in a year

You can't be doing this job with me no more is because if you want to be a comedy you got to get out of your comfort zone And you got to get out of your head I was all those things when I got into comedy but The reason why I'm doing so well now on stage And the reason why I'm still here Is because of the 10 years I just described to you people Those 10 years if you look at those 10 years if you listen to those 10 years in retrospect

I went more through Things in those 10 years than most people go in a fucking lifetime I went through every fucking emotion I could From dropping off my child And crying every wednesday and then forcing myself to go do comedy

Every wednesday when I had that kid and sunday nights when I had Jackie Diaz When I drop her off I'd go back into the car. I'd break down. I had to join the ashtray I'd smoke it I'd pick up my big boy pants and I'd force myself to do comedy no matter how bad I felt And that's the kind of shit that nobody could take from you That's why if you're thinking of becoming a comic a plumber a lawyer a fucking artist a musician It doesn't matter this podcast applies to you This podcast applies to you because it's not about how long it's not about what you get out of it, bro

If I would have still been on the road doing triple runs today I would have figured out a way on how to still be happy Because I wasn't in jail and I was thankful So whatever path you're thinking about doing right now in your own personal or whatever Just think that there's gonna be some type of suffering You're gonna suffer somewhere along the line. You have to pay for this with your blood So when you do get it you enjoy it it tastes that much better And you know you can look back and say to yourself that you honestly honestly did the work

We're going back to episode 480 or 420 when I talked about when you were in grammar school And you did math and the teacher told you to show me the work This is something that you can't show nobody This is scars that you have to have on your own That you know you went through You know all those emotions of getting called and not getting the commercial when you think you got a commercial What even that does to you that's ptsd

All these people are crying because louis took that dick out and the girls got ptsd You don't know what ptsd is so you got to pay rent And uh, you got booked for a commercial and now they're calling and telling you the commercially and that was just the beginning Like i'm just taking you guys from 90 to 2000 Just to show you Just to show you of what went down So here I got basketball I got the pilot

I got fucking The toy or the commercial And i'm getting spots around town Is my ego affected am I not in any way I knew I was very fortunate the whole time But stand up wise I was starting to get chops I went home with my ex-girlfriend and we did uh The the south bend funny bone And I fucked that place up and the headliner even told me Jesus christ

What planet are you from like I was already starting to get my chops So it wasn't that my ego was getting high it was that I was getting great confidence That's the word i'm looking for I was gonna get confident I was getting confidence so One night this is monday night and it's called freaky mondays At the improv and I was doing okay with it because I was getting the spots between 8 and 8 20 I was getting like seven minutes and I worked myself up the spot number three So they would like me I would do okay

And one night my manager calls me And he goes to play his name was ken phillips. He goes the place is going to be packed tonight And you guys just got a call from the improv. They want to give you a spot you're showcasing For like 18 people Fuck But the problem was I was following Doug stand home And behind me was nick de palo And Doug stand home went on stage and threw a beat on him, but not only that he said the word nigger

In a joke it was a joke He said it's easier to jump over a nigger than it is a midget or something to that effect And chris tucker was in the room and he yelled something at the stand home Then they started laughing And then I went on there so the crowd was iffy After crowd laugh and the other crowd was like, whoa, a white guy with long hair saying the n word, you know So I went up there and guys There was nothing but crickets for 10 minutes

When I tell you I could hear the clock ticking on your watch That's how bad I bombed I didn't even stay to watch de palo. I didn't shake my manager's hand I went got out. I went in the fucking car. I parked on my little spot under a tree And I cried and I had the answer I had to go back on the road and develop I wasn't ready yet That now how many people would do that how many people would be that honest with themselves And say hey, I'm going back on the road. I've been fucking slipping in LA Like I was just doing a magic act

It was a magic act I still was doing this magic act. I was playing with the audience I was making reactions and I went on the road I left The first time In november of 98 and I came back in april of 99 And then I stuck around town for a while And I left again in october

Of 99 and came back in april of 2000 And by then you were ready you think By then I was a fucking machine as a feature act I was blowing there was a company in those days that now the guy works as an agent for another company And what he did was he would put b rooms feature acts and b rooms And I would the feature act And dog they couldn't follow me They just couldn't follow me on the road. I had figured out the road. I had gone for fucking a year

After I got an LA act I went back on the road and started all over again Denji hotels even with baseball and now as a celebrity on triple runs Were you gonna pay more which is a marathon? I was getting like two and a quarter a night now. Okay Picking up a hundred they mail you one and a quarter in the mail It was still, you know six shows 600 bucks That's I mean it was it was a fucking nightmare driving all night Buses but I used to go from toronto all the way to miami straight to texas

Up to vegas and play shitty rooms in vegas like when we went to did the netflix special I was thinking about when the last time I was at that casino that fucking dump. We say that Like I did a room around there one day in vegas. That was horrible Then I played all the dumps and win a mock at the water Then I went up to oregon then I went up to seattle and then I worked my way down I stayed on the road for eight fucking months straight and I would send clothes home to josh wolf's house And buy new clothes on the road Fuck and would he get your check like who was who was grabbing your checks and josh wolf jesus

And josh wolf would get my checks and call me and tell me you got to check for this I would call I would check in with him every day every two days Because I hear I hear that a lot now even that it doesn't make sense to have an apartment here if you're featuring No, you're featuring if you're gonna go on the road you're gonna go like I became a road warrior My eighth and ninth like my eighth year in comedy. I said I got to go back and learn the basics And I went back and I got to tell you honest to God, and I was not a headliner I was not a headliner, but I was a strong feature And at that time I had sleep apnea

And I didn't know it and joe took me on the road one weekend with him and You mentioned earlier why? and I was emceeing and For some reason joe thought in his head that I had stayed out all night with the owner of the improv The creepy dude that died and coke all night So when they called my room I didn't wake up and security had opened my door and joe yelled at me And he made me feel fucking embarrassed and I you know, I wasn't doing coke But he didn't use me on the road anymore

Like he was going on the road now taking different people So I thought I had burned my bridge with joe But every time I come back to LA I came back strong and I made sure he watched me And then one time I was in boston at the club downtown The big one that was down before the will bethita became the will bethita When he owned the laugh connection the connection i'm fanio hall fanio hall comedy connection I was there on a monday night Which and a bunch of people came up to me they're like you open up for joe from time to time

So I called joe from a payphone and I go i'm here in boston and your friends are here And he's like who booked you there and I told him that I had been on the road and stuff And he could I could tell That he was kind of impressed Like just because he wasn't using me no more didn't mean I pack up my bags or I was mad at him I was not mad at him. I understood business And I understood politics and I understood the road and how it worked. I had fucked up But in that meantime

Chris McGuire started writing And joe gave me a second chance and I started featuring from the road and the rest is history So by 2000 when I came back joe was asking me to write for him And I was paying Gavin 200 a month to sleep on his couch 200 a month to sleep on his couch That meant I was just there at night. I took two showers there and I slept there By the time I got home, he was passed out in his room sleeping. There was no tv in the living room

There was no air conditioner. There was nothing There was a blank in the pillow. I had a closet In the living room when I had a blank in the pillow and I would just lay down That was my life and Ralphie was in the building so Ralphie would feed me Selene would feed me So I paid my dues, but I got a lot to be thankful for Because it wasn't me alone. It was the people that inspired me on the journey I never forgot those people from Jim Handy and bold and Mike Kessler

To Bill Bauer up and I never forgot those people. I know their names The faces they all contributed to me being here. It wasn't a one-man show. I love to tell you I love to tell you. I do get mad This is why I watch you so much And I say things to you because I never want people to say well the reason you got this because it's Joey Absolutely because I live with that So what you're telling me is he got me on er He got me on the longest yard. He got me in spider-man 2. No

I continued to do my thing. The other thing I did was when I moved in with Gavin Was I got into an acting class and you know paid for my acting class Josh Wolf Really? He had gotten a deal and I went to him like a man. I told him I needed acting classes And Josh wrote me a check Never told nobody never embarrassed me He had gotten some amount of money from fox and He wanted to help me out

And he bought me three suits We went to the suit outlet and he bought me three suits so The universe takes care of you and people take care of you But before the most important thing is you have to take care of yourself And people have to notice that you're taking care of yourself when you're doing the right things Before they open their doors to you. They're not just going to give it to you because you're special And that's what I wanted people to know with this podcast these two weeks the volume one and two

If it's a little listen to volume one We put it out monday and it's about my first five years in stand-up comedy I didn't do shit and then from 93 to now I haven't stopped so Right now When you people come to watch me, maybe you watch the Netflix special, you don't like it or whatever But whenever you see me on stage

You're seeing 27 years. You're watching what I went through the first 10 years. That's what you're watching on stage right now And that's something else happened in 99 that changed me. I booked the belly room In those days mitzi would charge you 150 for the belly room But she told me she had an opening to take it And I did like a pseudo storyteller show. I called it a testicle testaments That's the first time because I it was opposite the vagina monologues and you actually called it that back then I thought that was a new name. Okay. No 1999

2000 it was 1999 and I did a show up there And the people that were scheduled didn't show up. So I had to talk for two hours And that's when I learned how to incorporate storytelling with jokes that night. That was one of the best nights of my life Because that's when everything came together in my world. I still didn't tell stories What I knew that night. I had the ability We go you were on stage for two hours two hours. Holy shit. Doug Stanhope's mother was there Malin Martinez is there. It was just our little family like 30 of saline Ralphie May John Westling Ricky Cruz

Stacy jody furtig I still remember us having like a bottle of tequila and passing it around in the lot Holy shit. And were you the only one on stage? Yeah, no one else went up. Oh, shoot a couple people went up But then I closed the show But that's I still remember leaving there like even though I made 35 bucks Even though I had a grandma blow in my pocket like nothing Came close to fucking getting on stays that night because it was an education I could see that I had evolved, you know

I didn't fucking I stayed here because I was like Richard Guillen almost and a gentleman. I really had nowhere else to go I'm not smart in anybody. I'm not sharp in anybody I watched people and I emulated the people that were doing something with their life That's who you emulate. That's who you look at. Do you see them at denny's? Talking shit at two in the morning with other people. No You see what those guys do and you emulate them and that's how you become a good comic a good writer a good dj And if you're a dj or an artist or a guitar player the more guitar players you learn

Meet the more you're gonna learn And even if they suck they might do something that you didn't think of doing and you learned that from them So I want people to know that comedy is that type of game. Yeah, you're up there on stage by yourself But it's part of what you know Roseanne Barr said it best before she said that shit on twitter When you're a stand-up, you're a director or a producer director a writer. You're everything You're a promoter. You learn how to do a piece of everything That's why it's such a vital weapon to have and to do because it lets you know what that feels like

And that's it people now it's volume two. I'm happy you got to listen to the show this week. Don't forget Next week, we're in fucking philadelphia at the parks casino On thursday on friday night. There's a couple tickets left and then saturday sold out in washington Motherfucking dc and we can't add a second show. They wanted me to add an afternoon show, but I asked one of my fucking magician Uncle joey don't add no second shows. We're all so at Mohican son Fox woods fox woods casino At the end of the month the fucking will turn the wilbur sold out

So you might as well go to fox woods now That's what there's like 200 tickets left and it's half a month left So I'm uh, I'm not gonna add a show or whatever because sunday. Miami plays no england. I ain't that fucking stupid So fuck that if you can't come to the wilbur, I'll see you where fox woods fox woods comedy casino Lovely connect and I'm fucking excited a lot of people are coming my girls coming Fucking tons of fucking saloon it takes coming out from hubster who double parked their car today To tj all of them are coming out. So we're gonna have a good fucking time Like I told you in the beginning of the show, listen, since we started the podcast people think I'm so listy

I gambled a little bit, but I'm no fucking winner But people always ask me for advice and it's usually what team to bet on listen I don't fucking know but I do know one thing you got to check out my bookie Remember who you're betting on is just as important as who you're betting with what if you win? You want to get fucking paid, right? What's the guys if we're gazing? That's not gonna happen with my bookie That's why I always tell people to bet with my bookie. I trust these guys They're the best bet you can make this season. They've been in business for years They got great reviews online and their mobile site is why you really want to be with my bookie and it's easy to use

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So visit my bookie online today right now right now while you're listening. That's my bookie It looks out to tell you how to spell it click onto the plus box my bookie my bo o kie and don't forget to use promo code church when you're creating your account to claim up to a thousand dollars In free play again my bookie. Why you pay you play you win you get paid. It's that fucking simple I also Fuji sports listen The gi where is fucking Fuji and i'm a fat fuck They tug the sleeves are dirty, but you know what you can't rip those fucking things that last forever

I'm trying to just give you quality in your life if you're a fucking jujitsu guy You're thinking of starting jujitsu and you're a big guy go to fuji sports dot com right now and press in church Bam get 10% off Delivered to your house. Okay. It's that simple. I want to thank the flying ju I want to thank you motherfuckers for being family for being patient And I want to you to understand that I did these two podcasts because Nothing is free. It's all bullshit. You got to work for it. You got to sacrifice And if you want it, they're not just gonna fucking give it to you. It's not that simple

I love these people who come to me and say listen. I know exactly what you're going through I know exactly what point in your career you're at and I know how do I know because I went through it So you can't fucking tell me so this this this these last two podcasts are for anybody If you're thinking of getting into something just know you got to put your heart and soul into it And that's it and that's that I'll see you motherfuckers monday morning tip top Magoo ready to fucking go I want to give another shout out to my bookie and I want to thank fuji sports And I want to thank you motherfuckers kick this mule lee

Oh They cry in the dark so you can't see the teams They hide in the light so you can't see the Love and pain become one in the same in the eyes of a wounded child because And you know that the little eyes get me kind of such a mess Hell Hell is for children And children have to pay for your love with your bones and flesh

Oh They blacken your eyes and then The little boy and you get a new toy so grandma you fell off the swing because Hell is for children And you know that the little eyes get me kind of such a mess Hell Hell is for children And you shouldn't have to pay for your love with your bones and flesh

Hell is for children Oh Hell is for children Hell Hell is for hell Hell is for hell Hell is for children Hell

Yeah Hell