Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #622 - Aron Kader

Episode Date: October 1, 2018

Aron Kader, a stand up comedian seen on Comedy Central as a founding member of the "Axis of Evil Comedy Tour," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:    ... MyBookie.com -  Use code promo Church to get up to a 100% match on your first deposit up to $1,000. Deposit after 7pm EST and they will give you another $25 in free play.   Onnit.com - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.  

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Greetings from podcastville. It's October 1st the renters do cocksuckers But the church of what's happening now is brought to you by my bookie. Listen My book is slammed with new bettors and wants to give everyone the best possible service If you're willing to deposit at the 7 p.m. Eastern, they'll give you an additional $25 free play on deposits over a hundred You like Joey, why should I go with my bookie? Why cuz you're a fucking cuz you need you good You win you get paid. That's why that's what that's the fucking basic truth right there If you're gonna think of the batten tonight if you're thinking of putting in a bet you gotta check out my bookie All right, go to my bookie calm right now and at the promo code
Starting point is 00:00:42 Church to activate the offer visit my bookie online today. That's my bookie My B. Oh, okay. I and don't forget to use promo code church and the church what's happening I was brought to you by on it. Listen, I Just got back from fucking Boston, you know, I'm tip-top Magoo on it the fucking immune tech and my alpha brain and The fucking protein shake. That's why before I fly you got on a plane. You see these Japanese people with masks Fuck that shit. I popped three of those shroom tech immune and listen I come out of their fucking singing opera. You understand me. So I'm gonna on it.com right now Press in church bam and get 10% off kick this fucking mule Lee. Oh
Starting point is 00:01:29 Shit October 1st you bad motherfuckers Monday Hey Church what's happening now you bad motherfuckers man in last long brother Ari Kader Christ killer And your uncle Joey here A little old I made the first down second down something like this here we go Oh
Starting point is 00:02:31 Fucking tremendous shit finally Finally, I got to get my little brother around here 20 years on the show. Mr. Aaron Kader, man creator Fucking the bless them access of evil tour the whole fucking deal Talk to me. Bless you. Some of my earliest memories of comedy Or through you, you know, I started DC or you started out here with us. No, I came out here in 93 went to LA city college an older brother who was at USC
Starting point is 00:03:01 percussionist musician And so I was friends with all those guys, but uh just would go to LA city college And I took acting class and then somebody came in from the groundlings did a class and I saw improv and fucking You know, it blows your mind when you first see it, you know, it's magical And I and then I took acting class then I went to groundlings And then I was waiting to go through the levels and then I started stand up And what was the first place that you watched stand the bat? um
Starting point is 00:03:31 It was uh the belly room What made you walk into the comedy stories a thousand other places to watch? I know it was uh barnhardt on sunday nights and kirsten and um Cynthia levine kelly kirsten And um, you know adam barnhardt is still there on sunday nights. I know rehab speed craziness He is one of he is one of the best guys. Yeah in comedy. Like I was friends with him
Starting point is 00:04:02 Him and I would sit and talk about addiction. Like he was fucked up. I was fucked up. It was our own little secret We shared drugs from times of time, you know, I knew he was gay as fuck Which made me love him even more because he was not his show was crazy upstairs on sunday nights Like I would get there earlier before hosting and do this because he also taught like a comedy class Yeah, he started teaching teaching also So I did some speaking for him, but then he went away for a while. Yeah, and we kept in touch with the phone It's so weird all the personalities. Yeah, and I see him up there now But he was like a rock rock
Starting point is 00:04:39 Like rock star gay rock star kind of person. Yes. Yes stage. Yeah, you know, he was eccentric and he's and like Yeah, I never seen anything like adam like he does some crazy thing that you know, it's just always On the line of figuring out what is this? What is it? When mitzi would make somebody irregular and they were gay They were fucking good They were good at gay comedy whatever the fuck came out of that mouth was gold like and didn't last for a long time Because I remember they I was talking to someone. What was the place off Melrose? No, it was off Santa Monica. It was right in the heart of fucking Boys Town
Starting point is 00:05:20 It was down one of those streets and it was in a basement And on like Tuesday nights. It wasn't Largo. It had a different name. I don't know if you were around for that Not on prom not out in Santa Monica. No, no, no, no, this is in Santa Monica West Hollywood right down las yannigan You hook a right on Santa Monica if you went a mile you went too fast It was behind it was across the street Going down towards melrose And there was a place in there I seem nice there upstairs like the place was so hot like it was before
Starting point is 00:05:53 Jay Davis and yeah, and I'm not mad 2000 right. I met I met first got the bar next to Jay Davis that was the first Place I met I met I met 98 I was a comedy store regular and on Tuesday night he booked a place called the union the union And it was right about the time when that movie came out The him and his two roommates. Oh the play swingers swingers swingers so Vince Vaughan dated a girl and all of them lived together
Starting point is 00:06:25 But then the girl and Vince Vaughan broke up and she started booking comedy So she would book that room on Tuesdays and it became like one of the biggest rooms on the strip on Tuesday because Tuesdays was uh Yeah, why is joe tories night at the college on tuesday. It was big white people would get intimidated and they wouldn't go to your Comedy store So your spot at the comedy store on tuesday was always a shit spot. Yeah, it was always eight people or less I think it took four to start the show But it had eight people like it was so intimidating when you went past the comedy
Starting point is 00:07:02 It's nothing about prejudice or anything like that It was just that there was 600 black people In a fucking area of of sunset that would just scare the shit out of white people And it was well known. It was lee. I mean everybody black celebrities were there black celebrities I'm talking about it was real spot. It was a hot spot limos pulling up and it was just a hot spot So white people said we don't belong there. So unless you stayed at the I saw deaf comedy jam Yeah, unless you stayed at the hotel next door or across the street and stumbled into the county store You weren't in there. It was known in LA. Yeah, so that every tuesday became an alternative night somewhere
Starting point is 00:07:42 So lago had comedy with sarah silvan Mitch headberg, you know those guys and then there was another club that the guy who ran it god rest his soul. He's dead He was a guy from long island that had a great bit about otb But if you went downstairs, that's where we talked about last night after the podcast We were talking about girls who sucked dick. I don't want to forget that I was there one night Like I was like this was the hot spot At the time this was before I met I met this had to be 97 west hollywood. This is when There was a bikini bar that's still there. I think it was hollywood
Starting point is 00:08:21 It's a straight-up bikini bar and they did comedy on tuesdays So if you were lucky you got a spot at the bikini bar and then you went over to that bar But the other bar the downstairs was a showcase room So it was filled with agents So you had to be a certain type of comic or the guy had a like you the guy had attitude Because he knew now that his room could blow you up But the first time I went to the bikini room warfrazier with no What's the guy that said he fucked a thousand women?
Starting point is 00:08:49 Oh, well will chamber was there. I'm like damn there goes my game Like we'll chamber was there just talking to bitches. Oh, we're all there doing comedy nobody paid attention to the I forget who booked that room and then we go over to that other place and watch The comics that would go up and they were all the hottest Montreal comics in town. You're not talking about lago, huh? No lago was more alternative. Was it lago was on fairfax Yeah, right fairfax up the corner. It was called something before the lago though. Yeah But that pizza place is gone The one across the street from cantors. Ah, that was like the last pizza place. It was open till three
Starting point is 00:09:32 Rogan would always take me there. Oh, you mean on up cross from cantors. Yes. Yes. Oh, what is that place called? Domiano, Domiano Domiano's was fucking good. Yeah, they had a good sandwich But that too. I never forgot I was telling the story after the podcast that that was the first time ever I had been here like seven months. I didn't know the game. Oh, you had just gotten to L.A. And I just got to L.A. and this was the hottest club the hottest clubs were You know, the comedy store was just a fucking splatoon. Yeah In those days, it was just known as the coke place to dump. Yeah, it was the comics were funny
Starting point is 00:10:09 But you don't want to be there. You might get it's dark. Yeah Last factory was the hip club And the improv had always been hip because Jay Leno and all that was starting So the comedy store was the pits. Yeah, we were just happy to get spots there But you had to go around town and do different routes But that was the first time ever. I'll never forget this girl Good-looking girl with the fucking leopard topper Came up to me. She's like, what are you doing here? And I go, I'm doing the spot
Starting point is 00:10:37 And she goes, did they give you 10 or 15 minutes? I think I told them they gave me 15 minutes And she said to me, what if I suck your dick for seven and a half of those minutes? And I'll never forget like looking at like, oh, what did you just say? I could say me saying this to somebody like, you know what I'm saying? You want eight minutes? I could see me saying that But a woman saying it to me. I just looked at her and asked like, are you fucking crazy? And I just saw her she's still in the game. Really? Yes. She's still in the game fat huge. Oh, really?
Starting point is 00:11:09 Puffy lips. She did plastic surgery and shit. Are you even allowed to do that? Like can you go up to the manager be like, hey, I'm gonna give Sally eight of my minutes I'm gonna give her seven of my minutes. We'll be right back Put somebody up before me because you're not getting the minutes until you suck my dick. You know what I'm saying? I was strict about that You're not getting the time this ain't on credit either And then you bomb and you're depressed and you suck my dick crying because you ain't in front of gersh That's not my problem. You got to give it to me up front. That's even if you know, I'm just saying this is a joke people
Starting point is 00:11:40 No, no, no, but like what would the what would the manager say if you told me? I don't I know it's like mitzi says well I don't know but mitzi you would probably suck his dick. No, I wouldn't even ask somebody like mitzi I don't forget being at the live factory and I had 20 minutes in front of water brothers one night Somebody came up to me paul radriguez and asked me to give him 10 of my minutes to john fox. I told him no I was like, no Where would you remember the day mitzi, you know made you a regular? Yeah on my birthday. When was that? Uh 1997 Yeah, 1998 you've been out here for a few months
Starting point is 00:12:17 I was out here for a month And that turned into Third week. She made me a regular. That's how lucky I was so then you went back and got your shit mobilized There was no getting no shit. No shit. I had a duffle bag in the dream Hit in the notebook. That was it No headshots I still remember getting to the store and taking headshots that monday the piano player Yeah, it was a piano player that liked my girlfriend. So he's like i'll do the headshots for free
Starting point is 00:12:44 That headshot you see me with sunglasses. That's it at the store. That was the headshot. Nice. That was my first fucking real headshot I had taken headshots in seattle, maybe But I didn't think of him as headshots like I do somebody said take a picture I want pictures But uh, when you got here on that trip you were coming from colorado or the east You were coming from seattle. Yes. Okay. So you were bouncing around you ended up getting to la Why'd you move to la though?
Starting point is 00:13:13 Doug Stanhope told me that I had a chance Oh, so you're doing comedy in seattle. I was doing comedy in seattle. Is that your first? No, I started in Denver in Denver What age were you when you started? 28 Yeah, I was about that. I was like 26 seven and that's considered long in the tooth 28 I don't know. I like when I got here people like he's too old He's too old and I looked old. I was 32 34
Starting point is 00:13:40 35 that's an advantage And the hardest manager at the time when I got here was messina baker And he was hanging out at the comedy store one night and that same girl that offered to suck my dick for seven minutes Who was talking to him one day? I'll never forget this And he told her He said to her from me being in the arms distance like an ear distance whatever that expression is He said you're done in this town after year 28
Starting point is 00:14:10 And I remember going home and getting coped up and listening to that conversation the next day I went back there and I saw like, hey man Can I talk to you about something? Yeah, that's for nothing You got three of the hottest clients in the business and they're all a ton over 28. You got tim allen You got drew carry. Yeah, and he had somebody else at the time. That was 40 I go, what the fuck are you talking about? And he thought about it for a few minutes. He goes, you may be right. I go, I know I'm fucking right Why would you make that statement? Yeah, and he was a cool guy like he was
Starting point is 00:14:42 Understanding but you're never done here. It's true. You're never done. You're looking fucking vicky barbara like that. I know Look at vicky barbara. Well, it maybe Maybe people have always been able to be character actors and come from comedy and become actors and being a bunch of stuff but but this whole Standard thing changed when people start making comebacks You know, there used to be people would make a mistake. They were gone Kind of get buried and stuff. You couldn't have second third acts. I think all that's changed. It's always changed
Starting point is 00:15:13 Yeah They've always look it's listen more than brand. No got a second chance. Yeah When more than brand, though, got the godfather did not want him on the fucking them Didn't want him on the fucking lot paramount Webber did that whatever studio did that paramount was like, we don't want him in this fucking movie. He caused A disaster on muting on the bounty cost everybody millions of dollars brando. Yeah, we don't want this guy in the lots, you know After fucking iron man got caught with the fucking hula hoop And the costume doing blow in some hotel room. What's his name? Robert Downey jr. Right?
Starting point is 00:15:49 Who was going to give that poor kid a chance? Yeah, but talent cream always rises to the top Yeah, and people acknowledge a second mistake and the most important thing Is when you do get that second chance You got to jump on it. Yeah, you got it. You have to fucking go reborn throw punches to dig a's and b's, you know, it's not That's the problem with this town sometimes That people get a limelight thrown on them and they're not really mentally Prepared they're not mentally prepared, you know, I I'll even admit to that myself because You know the the things that between 2000 and like 2004 or six
Starting point is 00:16:31 You know The internet exploded and everybody had their thing online, you know, and When dame cook got a million my myspace people Like changed this whole game for a lot of people and all the young comedians that came up started to see the Thing, you know happening with the and so then, you know, we're taking a headshot trying to make a tape, you know video a vhs tape to send to an agent And and it's getting everything's changing and it's getting harder. You have you got to like shoot something and produce it Know how to fucking engineer and get a computer and you know edit it
Starting point is 00:17:10 That was just like all of a sudden that was our the game. It wasn't just be funny You know what I mean? It was like Package that shit up and so it's the art of remember be funny always wins. That's what you're trying to do and you believe it Be funny always wins. It's all distractions that you take To be funny that throw you off Being funny always wins putting the work in always wins knowing That you put the work in Really wins but before because you know before the world of email
Starting point is 00:17:45 How would you build a following on the road by being funny about being funny? But what was the other part of that that was like that made this guy's mouse That's it word of mouth Aaron what's happening? How are you doing good? What's going on? I'm an LA city college Taking fucking classes, but I got a part-time job at the whiskey and go-go Bouncing no way my favorite band from boston is playing whiskey and go-go when they're fucking tremendous Really, what's their name? Arrowsmith go watch them and that was it When you bought when you produced an album and they came out there was no billboards
Starting point is 00:18:27 It was in magazines and you read about it in cream magazine and the radio Might play a new hit, but a lot of shit wasn't am playable You know my big ten inch you couldn't play it on the radio, you know, there was some sabbath didn't get an airplay There was all these different groups, but I've always believed in word of mouth Okay word of mouth is number one, but didn't guys like him and see he had flyers He would take their names. He would have the mailing list and very Organized that were ahead of the game. There were people men see it did something that I always thought was pretty great
Starting point is 00:19:02 and this was At the end of the show He would his brother would come with him so he trusted his own flesh and blood He would say if you enjoyed the show tonight On the way out give my brother $20 And they'll mail you a copy of tonight's cd in the mail And they would go back to the hotel room and print the show up all night And they have boxes prepared with that date
Starting point is 00:19:26 And the next morning before they left town He would print them up. Mm-hmm There were people that left cards on tables and took emails and email blasted you let me ask you something Even before email though, he was doing that right now You got an email from somebody that you opened Did I what? I don't know but those fucking emails. I don't they get a click on them and they get deleted right off the bat Most of my email sends me shit every morning. I wake up and just didn't that's why I never believed in emails
Starting point is 00:19:55 That's a little bit too personal. Yeah, I'm going into a little bit person. It was more mailing list There was more mailing list like that. See we went up a flyers out. Yeah You know when I did a showcase at the store you had to go make a hundred flyers and go to every casting office by hand and go Hi, but even show ideas. I'm doing a showcase and they both smoke up your ass Well, definitely and you call an rsvp line and the night of the show you'd have one call from like your aunt You know, it was embarrassing, but these are the things that you had to do To learn whether or not they failed. Look, I still remember josh wolf getting this one man's show and getting a deal from fox
Starting point is 00:20:34 within a month The lineups all over town were one man shows Josh wolf and chains again Included me everybody was doing a woman show Because there was a new way to get your story out there God were the days of oh adam you want a tv show? Well, tell me in your act about you being the dad and taking your kid to softball practice And describe your home life to me on stage. Right last night. I had a couple days ago
Starting point is 00:21:02 We had on the other day the shot here. We were about to talk about What happens to people when they move here? Some people take the material that they brought here and they stay true to themselves And they do that material other materials your agent gets to you and says listen, you got to deal with cbs This is the material you have to do I know a gay comic that for years was in a cbs shop And cbs in his contract he couldn't say that he was gay on stage Oh, he couldn't even say it at any time crazy. Okay, so this is 20 years ago guys. It was a different fucking game
Starting point is 00:21:37 Yeah, so Yeah, that 97 to 2000 is a little little bit of a change and then 97 to about 2005 Then the deal stopped Yeah, and that made the game a little bit more even what was going on where a guy like lee would be in morselon He had a great 15 minutes This happened here for about three years three or four years and it was a very frustrating time For all the comics and for comics. I was very frustrated with it
Starting point is 00:22:08 But there was nothing I could do the only thing I could do about it was I had two options Think about it Or be funny. Yeah, exactly keep going to the store follow Paul moody getting married and being funny So there was a thing here that if you were a good-looking male or a good-looking girl 28 And you had 13 minutes So I would go to boston and the boston comedy club would put up their 13 open micers who they thought And if I fell in love with lee's look, I would take lee and hide them make them sign a contract
Starting point is 00:22:40 To take you to montreal hype you up Hype you up I would even hire a publicist for you For three months to hype you up a month before montreal So by the time you got to montreal, they were all there to watch this amazing act lee sciat And then it became a bidding war Okay, it became a bidding war So next thing you know lee sciat's got a check in the mail for 750 000
Starting point is 00:23:06 And he's got a commitment from fucking abc to do a tv show Right, okay That you sign the paperwork You get the showrunner You get the writers and you write it. You write the first draft They give you notes. You write the second draft. They give you more notes. Boom. You write the third draft you submit it Now after three months, you got to call your pilots getting shot What are we talking about?
Starting point is 00:23:33 This is what the process was. Yeah still is down. No now. Do you know how much time? That is by the time you get the deal To the pilot being shot. Yeah A couple of years maybe by the year yeah two months. Okay. Yeah, guess what? Your deal is over after a year. All right. That was it So now they've already got the new lee sciat So now yeah, you got 750 000. You paid an agent. You paid a manager. You're a star. You're the new flavor of the book But guess what I can't do that with you
Starting point is 00:24:10 Yeah, because you ain't got I can't headline you but they would spend but they would so now You're a fucking clam. Yeah, you got me for 600 000. Yeah, but let's say it's a network, right? Whatever one you are saying Let's say cbs All of them were doing 14 almost 20 pilots a season It's spending, you know, 20 30 million dollars a year hoping that one becomes that hundred million dollar a year machine You know becomes csi or becomes whatever so like that doesn't exist anymore where they're all doing 15 16 pilots every season work realized in 2004 that they were picking the wrong comics
Starting point is 00:24:53 All right comics did not have the chops These 13 14 minute year Minute comics 20 minute comics 25 minute comics They realized it did not have the chops to go into a room To deal with these people. They didn't know the system. They don't know the system Number two, and then you have the biggest thing to overcome once you get the pilot now the kid can't act He's never acted before in his life You know, they didn't prep you me. I'm a manager
Starting point is 00:25:21 I signed an iron catered to a fucking one-year deal ABC gets a call and says listen every network show puts out an iron catered Every network show puts Aaron didn't fucking George Cooley started on roseanne. Yeah No, um, he was on facts of life. Oh, he already before you are he was on roseanne like recurring He was at the boyfriend or something like that. He was something you all got to start in a small place before he develops something around you Well, yeah, you know you look back and you go. So what were my cloney years? Oh, yeah, that's right. They were a 2001 through three uh comedy store guest star on bernie mac
Starting point is 00:25:59 Speaking part on you know what I mean? Those are my cloney. It's crazy And then you're at little shit that then once they realized they were picking the wrong comics They stopped giving deals wrong together. Yeah, that's what I felt. Okay, and that was perfect because now nobody was getting lied That was like 05 06 right now nobody was getting lied to anymore. So now you had a fucking early key Which is tremendous now a poor kid would hang himself But see what I was also looking at was how much the world had changed that in that era because
Starting point is 00:26:33 um Networks wanted to stay away from politics because it was just too devised people were divided was the war was like at its peak In like 0406 06 was really bad That's when bush was like did the surge and then you know, he was kind of a lame duck after that and and you know and then obama Wins right but i'm just saying that those last years of bush people were like outraged
Starting point is 00:27:00 It was political It was crazy Like if we didn't have what we had today you would look back and go man Those were some crazy political times. I remember doing comedy during the recount when bush won and beat gore They're doing a recount in florida. Everybody had like recount jokes, you know about You know poking the ballots and But like people would be burnt out on all the news too. So it was uh It was a weird time politically to figure out like
Starting point is 00:27:29 What's what's the difference between people who they they come here to hear our point of view versus people who come And just want to get away from everything and hear You know evergreen jokes about you know fat jokes. Let's pretend Let's pretend because this is what people forget You know everybody walks around thinking that we live in turmeric. She was times right now that we're living in town What do you think it was like when kennedy was president? That he was fucking marillon Monroe and opposing this and opposing that we've never been happy guys
Starting point is 00:27:59 As a country we've never been happy with who the president is Never has there been a four years where everybody's completely happy. So I leave that shit Alone. Yeah, because nobody's ever happy. No, and now it's building like it's building and it's building a little bit more It's building every year a little bit more. Nobody's ever happy You know, we think that the glory days of what is and how was here and then Yeah, and then Nixon came I still being a kid nixon resigning and i'm crying like a fag That we lost our president. You know i'm saying I didn't fucking know I didn't know that there was a water gate So the all that shit has always been terminal
Starting point is 00:28:38 We just don't know we think that we live in the worst of it We have no idea people always you know, I still remember going to grammar school Once a week you had a drill to go to the basement because we were going to get bombed by the russian Right down stairs. It was old cans of corn and fucking bread that had mold on it And you had a book of Mormon no windows and shit in a room, you know, they were called underground shelters At every building when you walked in had to have a sign that said underground shelter that had tang And had a fucking water and old fucking tanks. You know, this is what we don't remember We've always been in a conflict. We just take this this conflict
Starting point is 00:29:15 Everything is a little bigger today because of the media and the internet, right? We just don't have three people telling your story. We have two thousand people telling your story And then we have two thousand people that sit there all day and pick up the scab all day For americans to watch that and get sucked in. Yeah, somebody put something today On a thing and they put This has always killed me and I didn't learn this till I was 27 And i'm gonna drop it on you motherfuckers right now if you plan on doing anything with your life If you really plan on doing anything with your life if you're serious
Starting point is 00:29:47 Really serious about doing anything with your life. I want you to think about something So I didn't think about till I was 27. I grind him about I grind everybody about it. Okay football is great I got no problem with you unless you paint your face like that idiot yesterday at the fucking rams game He sat there like the indian where they threw litter in the water in the 60s one of that picture of the indian He sat there with a little tear. Yeah, you put on like a san diego charge your face Why would you do something like that? Now you gotta go to the train with a bunch of people throwing shit at you I would never come in
Starting point is 00:30:18 I just wear a shirt and you fucking go with your cheer for whoever you like, but they get dressed up like a pirate You're gonna have ink in your face get a fucking life Well, yeah Today somebody put a picture up and i'm gonna say this whether people like it or not or what they think of me or what they Don't think of me because this is what my reality was today somebody put a picture of Of who do you think would win the fight and they put lisa at against burt Whatever and I put down Why we even think about that
Starting point is 00:30:46 About like how much how much free time no in a fight in a fight Like how much free time do you have today? That you have to think about that. That's why I love when people come up to me go Who's gonna win the next you or seek like color beam? Don't worry about feeding my family today Yeah, that's why I'm seriously. Yeah, and that's the mentality I've had when I was when I was 27 years old a black guy in prison I'll never forget you sometimes at night after row call after like you you weren't allowed to go out of your
Starting point is 00:31:17 Barracks, but you were allowed to sit in front and smoke a cigarette And if you had insomnia, you can go out there and sit and listen to the mosquitoes As long as it wasn't 10 fucking black dudes jumping up and down listen to bobby brown don't be cruel They didn't give a fuck or eight White bikers if you went out there by yourself And you couldn't sleep if a guard walked by he'd go you okay, and you're like, yeah, I just can't sleep They didn't walk away. You know that you're not smoking and one guy a black guy sat next to me I'll never forget he worked with me in the kitchen and he was a nice enough guy
Starting point is 00:31:52 And I asked him one of my stupid typical white fucking questions That only I would think of I remember somebody telling me from my face one time You have a great sense of holding useless information Like somebody told me to my face treasure trove of useless like yeah, like you're like It's information that doesn't really matter trivial. Okay, you know, it really doesn't matter like we as young men
Starting point is 00:32:17 We think like it doesn't matter at the end of the week It doesn't you're not impressing me with that bullshit About this or that I'll never forget he said to me I think if you put as much time into thinking this dumb shit as you did until getting your life together You'd be like motherfucking bad motherfucking and I don't know like looking at him and getting ready to say fuck you And I went to bed and I thought about what he said in my life chains That moment a black convict that had eight years left on his sentence Said that to me and the guy was like a model of a great
Starting point is 00:32:47 He was a great cook whatever the fuck he did in the kitchen. Yeah, and I told this kid that well because I put down You have time to think about this Really, this is what your day consists of that you have time to think of this about this fucking hand job And then a bunch of people answered back and I said and I said eddie. I'm not putting you down That was the mentality I had when I was a weak sack of shit And it took somebody to tell that's why I don't mind fuck. I call those mind fucks This town is filled with mind fucks. Yeah If you accept them when we first got here it was cast net
Starting point is 00:33:20 You sign with an agent you got to be a part of casting that then three years later You got to be a part of this then four years later You got to be a part of this and eight years later you got to do all this and you know at the end of the week You don't have to do nothing you got to adapt all you got to do It's fucking get up and get on stage as many times as you can tonight keep That chit-a-chatter of those comics The negative that I should be at the store. I watched Aaron Kayley and he sucks
Starting point is 00:33:50 Joey Dears couldn't follow Joe Rogan. Yeah, he sucks I watched this guy's Netflix special and he sucked. Mm-hmm. Just Focus I was telling those guys that my favorite part of life Is going to the store an hour before my set the original not the main the original Get the fucking stone I mean even to the point of taking like a half a xanax town And knowing that I'm up in an hour and I will sit back there and I will get sucked in By those four comics and I will learn more
Starting point is 00:34:21 By watching those four comics and I hate when a comic comes up to me and ruins it Don't even say hello Just sit next to me and I'll look at you like that my eyes. Don't ask me if I'm next Don't say fucking nothing because that's all you should be worried about As americans, we have so many things to try to throw us off our game When you come up to me, you know, can you believe this? Capital investigation, I just laugh because they just got you. Yeah, they just got you They just got you to do exactly what they wanted to do for you to take your mind off the ball
Starting point is 00:34:59 for 20 minutes That's kind of what they want. But you know the first time two things one The first mitzi gave me a spot After I showcased uh, she threw me on some show that was on in the main room So she put me on and and I think maybe on med and jay were producing the show and like to you know, 99 and um And then it was a 15 minute spot or something like that Anyway, I was like geez, you know, that's like, um
Starting point is 00:35:29 I thought you know, you know, she'd have me in the original room before that But anyways, so she puts me on in the main room. Then she gives me a spot. How did you get how did you get passed? What was the process for you? I was in the belly room in barn hearts And then um, you know, I think I got in front of mitzi on a on a showcase night once When I was doing comedy, maybe a few months and then couple months after that um
Starting point is 00:35:54 She talked to maz was already regular And she met a med producing a show in a show in the main room He was like Producing promoting a show out of the main room. I think with jay davis and she discovered he was arab And then she was like, oh, is there any more and they're like, yeah, you know maz knew me so then You know maz recommended me. I get in front of her Then she gives me a spot on like a thursday in the main room
Starting point is 00:36:22 And then she has me open the or on friday night at nine p.m. on a friday night um And i'm like, okay amazing and I show up uh Don't know how to open the original room I don't know how to open the show in the original I mean, I started comedy in october. It's december You know
Starting point is 00:36:45 So I just go into my material too fast people are sitting down They're still hadn't gotten a drink and nothing was you know Because I was just kind of like throwing up didn't know how to Bring it all together. So I got fucking Just basically it was a bomb, but it wasn't even like they were listening It was like I felt like it was just the worst experience in my life, you know So I go back and sit the back of the room You were on that lineup
Starting point is 00:37:15 uh and uh fuck Holtzman I think went up late but Somewhere in there. I just watched comic after comic and tell paul mooney gone on And paul mooney looked so clean that night. He was wearing white and a hat and everything and I was like What did I do wrong? How come I couldn't get one laugh on all the jokes that I have that I've
Starting point is 00:37:40 you know so uh That was the night that I sat and watched Every comedian and then she kept giving me spots and every night. I would just sit there and watch you guys You know It's quite an education and she made me work the door too. So yeah, yeah I'd have a spot and I'd work the door Learn learn up the original room
Starting point is 00:38:07 Listen, she Her whole vision Was for it to be a college for you and You know, it really is like I didn't realize it's after I shot I'm dying up here and I watched on the plane and it was like wow Now I remember what she stood for And what I stood for
Starting point is 00:38:28 And it kind of straightened me back out about the store like it kind of She had rules. She had these weird comedy rules She had method to her And there was a method to her madness that really was giving barnhardt the sunday being like sunday nights for as adam's night She wouldn't really give him a spot here and there maybe in the or if he asked or something But she was like you just are always going to have sunday nights for some reason. She thought that he was like Southern baptist, you know revivalist, you know and sunday night the you know would be a good sunday's You know church kind of thing
Starting point is 00:39:03 I think in her mind. She was like gave sunday to adam You know, you watch rambo And you go there's that part where the the cops are like, you know, whatever possessed god To make a man like rambo and all of a sudden that guy walks and he goes god didn't make rambo I made rambo that's I feel like She's the colonel that comes because now in hindsight Now in hindsight, I see
Starting point is 00:39:32 What she was doing when I and when she got me I was doing calmly Six years, but I'm paid before Like I was doing calmly six years, but I'm paid before and I had no success Like I had I wasn't having success around town But I started going in there And it was the same process, you know, you're just bonding You're just going down to the bottom. You're just going down to the bottom. I didn't go david triple ones. You ever do triple Yeah, you live on those. That's how you that's how that's a different
Starting point is 00:40:03 The best thing is to become a regular at the store and then do a triple. That's what I did And you know, that's what I did. Wow. Kelly kirsten hooked me up with it. I had to do 30 minutes I had a car who drove. I oh, I had a car. So I always end up driving and who would have mine is Oh, fuck brad reader brad reader from like carolina or something Hey, you ever been to a do you ever been to south carolina like blue blue ribbon uh fair and I'm like Who the fuck asked a question like that? Hey, you've ever been to the blue county fair in the fucking savannah like all those triple runs in peruno Was the headliner guy's funny, but you know, come on. He's you know, and you know, god bless
Starting point is 00:40:44 Do these jokes get burned into your brain like you don't remember the person but like these jokes will haunt you for the rest of your life Oh my god, there was one comic and I I'll never remember his name right now but He was a great guy and he was an older comic and he you probably know him Remember him, but uh, fuck. I can't remember his name, but Everybody else besides the one uh that I drove around with was like, you know, you just you know, you just try to be I was just happy to be there Watch what you are when you're a feature
Starting point is 00:41:14 I'm the middle of montana. You're in the middle of montana And you're just happy to have a gig And happy to have a hotel room. Yeah, and happy to pick up $50. You're like, I'm so happy about these three things I could piss myself. Yeah, like you look out the window and there's your town And you're 180 none. I just had like a tiny little bit of weed. You know, you don't know what it's like to wake up Look at your map Get on the road and look at the sign. It's like 282 miles
Starting point is 00:41:45 There was no gps. No, it was road signs And you just got in your car and in those days you just stopped to pee I stopped when the tank was empty Yeah, that's it. That's it. That was my rule. Yeah, we drive in between tanks You do that drive between denver salt lake. I did every And then salt lake to tahoe Oh that northern route. Oh And then the snow you put chains on your fucking tires
Starting point is 00:42:14 Every trip will run some comic. It's a deer Some comic is not going to make it because they hit a deer is triple still alive. Still alive. Where is he still? Oregon, man, I gotta get in touch with him now He's booked. No. No. God. No. God bless him because you know, he gave me a chance dog. He gave a lot of So many people he helped me so much He helps you while you're doing it. You're getting robbed. Yeah, and he's a dirty fucking thief and I love him for it Because that's what you're supposed to do the people at that level of comedy. You're robbing. Yeah, you're robbing I know comics will tie your league. You're going on the road this weekend
Starting point is 00:42:50 But you're sleeping on the floor next to the jazz in this room. Yeah, that's it His his no payment you need feature act has to be getting 100 bucks a show minimum Where the triple wins now, I mean because when I was doing it, it wasn't even 100 bucks You know be like six in a row of like, you know 60 80 bucks or whatever it was and then uh Now to break even you had to be tight triple paid 85 dollars a set you picked up 50 and you got to check mail to you for 35 the guy in texas
Starting point is 00:43:23 Paid a buck 25 to feature And the headliner 225. So I mean the budget was 400 he kept to right the budget was six Plus they paid for a room for two people then there was a company and Oh Montana the wonder of Nebraska Oh cruel and they co-had lined me and they were paying 150 a set. Yeah But nobody paid as good as creative
Starting point is 00:43:55 Creative entertainment was on the east coast underneath Charlotte and they booked from charlotte into west virginia All the way to the islands Barbados all those caracos the whole thing you just got to work Spotless clean on the island You say one word they squirt you off the stage a ship a helicopter comes get you Clean out your room and you'll never do a creative run again
Starting point is 00:44:23 And they make it clear before you go understand. So they would have a Bermuda week You go for two weeks 500 a week, but you can bring your family So you go to the Bahamas Bahamas Bermuda, whatever you can do two weeks. That's how good creative was creative pain 175 to feature And 250 the headline with the same amount of driving in between the triple runs But only in the south you're going deep Deep into a barn
Starting point is 00:44:51 There's a fence up. Yeah, because they throw bottles at you just like the blues brothers. No like in front of you. Fuck. Yeah Clark something Clark's tin something Had a fence up to like there was two places that had fences on triple runs. There was a Clarkston. No It uh creative had one Like what West Virginia on top of a ping pong table that if you said the word fuck you got fine $50 So if you got 175 you said fuck once I said the word fuck, I just ran with it Yeah, that's it because they're gonna charge me 50. Anyway, I'm gonna get 25 Unless we have 20 fucks off these 20 this $50 bill. Oh my god, and then there was a place in Craig, Colorado
Starting point is 00:45:35 That they had like a wall with just glasses And they can look at it They tell you if the place got active just to run to your room and lock the door and call the manager Oh my god, but that's Yeah, what people don't understand is people gone those and they come back and they decide right there. They're not gonna be comedians That's it. You you that'll let you decide. Yeah, it shows you, you know but that's this is a point that I've always made about female comics because um What female in general is gonna be in the middle of Nebraska or a fucking Montana
Starting point is 00:46:08 Driving around with the headliner. They just met and they picked them up from Reno at the airport and been driving like It just seems like it doesn't lend itself to anything the girls are like taught and raised You know women will do it. They'll control the tour Triple will take care of the women. Yeah, no, any as well. I know a lot of women that will Just say a lot of girls, you know, what's great? I've never heard a complaint on a triple never never never heard it. Triple takes care of his girls The hotel takes care of the girls because I went on a tour with a girl one time She was no miss america. I mean you had to have 20 fucking cocktails to even think eating her ass, but
Starting point is 00:46:47 We protected her, you know, there was there was nights where we went to clubs and yeah They were a little scary, you know, you know that movie. Uh, what's the movie? With the girl softball team madonna and roseo. They're all legal their own. What's the chick? That's really ugly marla marla remember when they first see it No, remember when they remember that dude? What's the dude that had the comedy club up at the fucking? Up at the fucking universal center. What's it? Love it john love it plays the scout in that movie And there's a scene where he goes in to see a girl and the father brings her over. She's the ugliest thing in the world
Starting point is 00:47:25 Even john love it Oh my god, no show or face and all this shit That was this headline or I worked with uh, but bro, there were guys still hitting her. Yeah in towns like weird weird looking guys I mean, I'm not putting this woman down or anything. She was a sweet lady But I went on Yeah, yeah There was one particular woman who died Who took me on a two-week tour and she was a voluptuous woman and I watched her I never thought of banging that
Starting point is 00:47:53 You know, I knew it was I knew from day one That it's tough enough to do comedy. Yeah never mind you trying to bang a hell of a lot right All right, so I worked with this one lady who was a heavy sent lady from denver. She passed recently. I forget her name. I'm sorry I worked with a woman out of portland. That's the woman. I'm telling you I was marlin maples with like the one eye But that's what made her funny Yeah, and then I worked I took a girl on the road as a feature and I watched over You know because and I would tell her yeah when I go upstairs You gotta do me a favor you gotta go up because I'm not leaving you downstairs
Starting point is 00:48:33 In my room thinking about your own thing. I don't like going on the road when people make me nervous Nervous. Yeah, like people. Well, I'm gonna go out with these guys. Come here for a second Look at the shape of these guys. Yeah, you gotta get in the car with them. Yeah, I'm not going through that You get in the car with them. Just take your fucking shift from the whole town. Go You know, I'm old school you can't get into it and I wouldn't but one night In one of those towns up north I got into a car with these dudes And also the promoter pulled up next to me and he was joy. Let me talk to you for a second
Starting point is 00:49:06 Angels get out of the car with those dudes. I'm gonna rob you They weren't gonna sell you drugs. I thought they were gonna sell me drugs Yeah, I mean because that's kind of the I actually got into an argument with what I'm open micro who I'm friendly with but Like you guys ever look back at those gigs being 12 hours away from la where 18 hours away Like you say women might not feel safe. I don't I don't think I could win a fight like it like it's yeah No, it's dangerous for anybody to be somewhere
Starting point is 00:49:39 So like do you guys ever look looking back like should I should have been there? No, I I never thought of that, but I think that In the country's safer than you know, you think I mean, it's oh, yeah people everywhere nice I fucking ran into George McGovern and fucking Missoula You know in Montana. He's like out there with his family. How big triple weeks did you do? I did it like three different like kind of Sections he likes a run the Missoula run. Yeah six eight days. There was like a there was like a six week thing It seemed like yes, there's a six week. He could he'll put you out there for six seven weeks in a row
Starting point is 00:50:16 And so you get really good. Yeah, you get really good It's an ugly seven weeks. Yeah What you're in the road of it. You just do it. I did a broke I did them with zero month no bank account. So who drove? I drove you had a car had a car drove. I drove you kept it on the budget that he was paying I Refused to get the car with people snacks like I didn't smoke cigarettes then so you were not gonna get my car if you smoke cigarettes You know the music that's on
Starting point is 00:50:46 That's what's there. You didn't want anybody no no. So for the first six months I did my own you show up. Yeah the headliner did his own thing Yeah, the guy called me and he wanted the headliner get picked up. I put a snare on the a yeah I don't like people to call with me. I wouldn't do my own thing to my own ring now After a year of doing that I started going out with people who I knew Who I could go up to and go do you mind taking 25 dollars less and us co-headlining? Yeah, at least we're together and we can split and at least we're happy right right. We got a wall We smoke joints. We can write jokes together. Yeah, we can split restaurant
Starting point is 00:51:20 We can double it up and uh, you know park arrest. Yeah, saturday sunday monday instead of you getting a hotel room by yourself for 80 We split 40, you know, that's that's when they're fun when you make your friends with you when you get to that point I never really I never Got to headlining a triple run. I co-headline. Oh, yeah, heaviest. I ever did I think I headlined a couple like nights when somebody hits a deer Or somebody doesn't make it like he'll call you in the room. We go you gotta stretch You know, so he just decides who he thinks is a headliner. I mean there's no you send them tapes Listen when you when you first start comedy
Starting point is 00:51:57 That's the first name they tell you and in nine different states on this side of the country Honestly right now. I wonder if he'd let me headline. Yeah My child a couple of spots. It's not gonna be a lot of money You know, you gotta imagine No, but I got there for an hour from us some natives from Idaho. You never know Like right now. There's the only way I would do a triple one. The good thing is I could take a flight to the beginning of it So let's say the first night would be uh sailing in Oregon. Okay
Starting point is 00:52:24 I would fly into Portland And rent the car. Yeah, and then drive to bend Drive to the other one drive to the other one drive to the fourth one Yeah, and then that night getting the car and fly out of bend out of uh, you can't fly out of bend You got to fly out of portland to go back to that one the next day You're not gonna What people don't realize is like this guy like lee
Starting point is 00:52:47 Like if triple cause lee Lee has to do the drive from here to bend That's on your back. How much money could triple actually make on a night? Like how much is well, you got to remember that He goes into he doesn't go quantity, right? He's not gonna go into a bar in LA Okay, so he's gonna go into a bar That's fucking 2,000 miles away from civilization people are coming through and there's these little spots He gets them all but he has to he has to get a lot of you remember when you did them There was six hour drive interval. Yeah in between them
Starting point is 00:53:20 You're out there. There's places where there's no there's no lights. There's no street signs. I mean, you're fucking out there If you break down, then they'll tell you make sure you gas up at this location Because you're not going to see a gas station for it out. Yep. You don't want to put your car Yeah, no fuck with that chance to gas up like you learn all these things like there's a route We used to take from LA to houston. We could do that in 22 hours. Yeah, I was doing that with Ralphie Mae Ricky We were doing it in 22 hours, but you better gas up in El Paso, bitch Did you ever put a gas tank in the car like an extra emergency? No unless you're doing jewish lightning There's no fucking unless you're gonna burn somebody's house down and you put an extra gas
Starting point is 00:54:01 I don't like gasoline and gas. I know right anything can happen. Oh, but that run from El Paso To houston. It's like a six hour run where you don't see civilization Yeah And you got in the music don't come in the radio stations don't come in You're like And also know you here is like Praise jesus. Yeah, the lord saves you stop my presbyterian church of Bumfuck and you're like wow
Starting point is 00:54:29 I thought I wanted to do comedy. These are all the these are all the things that When you come home on the trip around on the sunday, you're like what just happened. Yeah, I just spent eight gas tanks I filled up my car 12 times I drove 50 fucking thousand miles and for what? for fucking four times 85 dollars Yeah And then did but you did you feel like you advanced in your comedy like, you know Did you find you had to start talking about other things or some things?
Starting point is 00:55:05 I mean, what was it? What was it that you figured out because at that point I was just happy That I would try any joke I could think of not knowing my voice I would just write anything and wouldn't be connected. No, I didn't have a voice. No, you know Yes, I didn't have a voice either I had no voice at that time. I was doing comedy. Maybe Three four years and I was just throwing out things out there and then Depending on the rooms because a lot of rooms were warm Yes, see I'm Mormon. Are you I have the more my mom's side is
Starting point is 00:55:40 Background was Mormon. So that was the thing is I was always talking about that and I was feeling like because I would grew up in Utah when I was a kid, you know, we left when I was, you know, nine and uh And so the Mormon shit would they would nobody ever done Mormon jokes Who the fuck does makes fun of more like nobody even gets it in LA if you talk about Mormons It's so funny, man. Nobody knows anything about Mormons, but when I got out there, I felt like Things were working for once you get to Utah. There's places in northern California That they'll tell you on the itinerary It's going to be a heavy-duty Mormon. Yeah consistency. I got banned from Logan, Utah because it's kind of like
Starting point is 00:56:23 conservative college town and uh, it was a bad bad show and Some it turned into like an open mic and somebody else Told a joke and then I put the mic in I started fucking around with them and we were cussing and The guy didn't like it. No, they'll take they'll turn the fucking mic off on you. Yeah They'll turn into like street jokes and shit and then he was like So uh, and I didn't care because if you lose that job who cares But so it's that you know what it is is the thing about being able to fail
Starting point is 00:56:56 And back to the second chances, you know how conversations started about First chance second chance third chance Like you you can't do comedy unless you've failed real good, you know, unless you really kind of started out like You know on the triple thing like I didn't have 30 minutes when I had to do 30 minutes No, you know, so you never have 30 minutes. So 30 minutes. Yeah, so You're not gonna say the same thing with lifting weights Yeah, if I say that you're gonna put 225 on the pound, you're gonna go don't do it because I can't do it What if I don't tell you it's 225 I tell you it's 185 and you lift it
Starting point is 00:57:33 You're gonna go Jesus Christ. I lifted 225. Well, here's the other thing if you fail You failed pushing it, right? This is this is a good place to fail where you're doing something. So You're going to fail and if you don't fail then you're not really learning, right? So this whole thing this whole cycle that you have to go through when you're like trying to crack the code You know, because I wasn't killing a crowd. I'd have a one funny joke. It wouldn't be over. So like The fail the the the surviving to the next day be like, okay last night sucked tonight was better That was bad. And then you start to feel that cycle of like How how do you keep it on the on the higher side? How do you keep cutting out the fat?
Starting point is 00:58:15 How do you keep cracking the coat? Okay, so you started in what year? 99. Oh, so you were at the store 99. Yeah, and then in 2003 you started the axis of evil Yeah, well, you're doing comedy four years at this point Yeah, well, no, yeah, it was like october of 99 No, I got picked up as a as a regular December of 99 so 2000 right to december 2000 But I was doing comedy that you know, eight nine months Leading up to that right and you were still adornment. I wasn't a doorman yet until like until 2000 until december 99
Starting point is 00:58:55 You know and then I got picked up And then from there and on and I got and I got grouped in with Ahmed maws She I think tried to have Sebastian and Ernst And Tripoli She thought everybody all of us were Mediterranean Like Middle Eastern That's how crazy she was and she didn't give a fuck and she didn't give a fuck and she took control of Ahmed and j davis's show and she says you it's going to be
Starting point is 00:59:21 All these people and all these you know and like Sebastian and maws were already regulars And then she picked up bret and Tripoli. I think It was regular then and uh, you know, because we're kind of that night. She made Tripoli a regular. Oh for real Yeah, I was in the original room. Yeah um and uh Anyway, so then there was this whole thing with her trying to put Middle Eastern Mediterranean things together This is in 99. She loved ethnic things Well, she said that that was the ethnicity that hadn't been explored. Right. She loved all that shit
Starting point is 00:59:52 Yeah, she was gonna make the main room Like she tried to get me to do the Cuban thing and dress up like Del Castro With a cigar right and then she got Corey Cuomo to actually make the call and get a Cuban restaurant to cater it So they did it one time, but I got out of it. I was out of town Oh, shit So because I didn't want to do something with her and fail and then not get spots in the original room I saw that when you got involved with her
Starting point is 01:00:19 In a money venture and it failed you were out of sight out of mind. She's Jewish just like me We failed. I don't need your around you the kids are dead We had a room for a while. You fucking blew it now. I'm not giving you spots So whenever she was suggested to do a certain theme room with me I would always punish. I would tell her yes that night and give her a kiss and thank her for the spot But then I knew she'd forget by the next time I see it. Yeah, so I would avoid her for a few days I would really avoid her until and then she mentioned it twice. I knew she had a problem But she never really she bothered me about the Fidel
Starting point is 01:00:55 A few times she wanted you to do Fidel Castro where a fucking the whole fatigue is in the hat She was into trying to get people to do weird like and I think she was fucking with them I wonder she told Kelly Kirsten she should wear a short pink wig Yeah, I think that she was going to see What your reaction was if you bow down to her then she'd tell you to go fuck yourself Yeah, so that's what I always took from her Maybe knowing her when she told you to do something you didn't do it except for one person that is the
Starting point is 01:01:27 The funniest fucking thing ever When I got to the store there were a few people who were big shots in their head But there was this one guy that hung out with a big shot And when she made him a regular she made him a regular one condition that he played a guitar So he lied to her he went up then the guitar When she was around he played a guitar and when she wasn't he wouldn't bring the guitar on stage and having an awful bombing Oh Without the guitar without the guitar you kept bombing
Starting point is 01:02:01 So one night on a monday night she walked in and I remember sitting in that area When she walked in while the towel was on stage And the towel was up there killing this is this has to be 99 a towel is fucking rip. I wish I could see you on a monday And who has to go up next but this moron But in those days Mitzi didn't come in on mondays Uh-huh She just happened to come in as a towel was there it was in the back giggling
Starting point is 01:02:34 A towel was doing a bit about playing whatever went down and he had a kilo on the plane and We were dying and then this kid went up there and tried to do his okie doke act And when she he walked off he didn't see her She pulled him aside. She goes the next time you come here You better bring the guitar with you So I hear this And I go downstairs and I don't say nothing and about a half hour later mitzi leaves And he's in the back talking big shit. I mean he's talking
Starting point is 01:03:07 big shit That he's never gonna fucking bring the guitar again. He's all mad. Fuck mitzi. She doesn't know what she's talking about She's a fucking idiot And I'm back then I wanted to smack this motherfucker. Yeah, you know, but he was running with like a pretty deep crowd I just said let me mind my business Shut my fucking mouth. Yeah, because at that time I was already at that time It takes people years to shut that fucking mouth Like it really does it takes people years to shut that mouth
Starting point is 01:03:38 Especially when somebody tells you something that is good for you And you still go against it because of your stupid selfishness It takes years it took me a year and a half to learn mitzi system And I applied to it Do you follow me? And then I'd see people that were smarter than mitzi And they got Like mitzi just had this system and when she told you something she meant it Like the day she pulled me aside and she goes, you know, I love you
Starting point is 01:04:05 But don't take your dick out no more. I didn't take my dick out no more I think I took it out once after that And then she said something to me, you know what I'm saying? But mitzi didn't fuck around mitzi. Everyone's rule though mitzi was like the people I grew up with Yeah, mitzi was from Milwaukee. She was raised in Miami So she understood when somebody pulls you aside. She was from Milwaukee When somebody pulls you aside and they go to you, this is what you're doing from that one And you don't do it. She would either stop talking to you. Yeah, or just not give you spots, right?
Starting point is 01:04:36 Which is what now how I learned I remember brown holds when we used to talk about that too It's like just don't fucking say shit. Just don't say shit. Do your fucking shit. Don't say a fucking word Nobody asked you. Yeah for your fucking opinion. I never got the opinion. I never fucking opinion I never once asked her or said anything. I was a grown man. She would tell me shit I've never had a conversation. You're right. Yeah, I remember her telling me little things at the end of my sense As I was walking out and she touched me. Yeah the way she would touch me. She was letting me know By her telling me that she can't like I'm out here to put you down I'm just telling you that you'd be a lot better comic if you did this
Starting point is 01:05:13 A lot of comics would walk out to the fucking thing have a drink and go off Go off about what mitzi said or somebody else told you thank god No, I know when somebody's give me the right information when mitzi was in the room I always wanted to do do my my best. I was always like I always want to do I always want to do so good you know added pressure But I was always able to let it go and be like yeah, you know She's been in the room where I'm performing a lot after a while. She wanted to see you bounce to see if
Starting point is 01:05:46 She wanted you to go out of your character She made me come up to her the house once she wanted to rewrite my act Or she wanted to help me write my act this is after 9 11 and uh because we're all doing arab stuff for like Since this since january of 2000 We were doing like she was trying to put this middle eastern thing together And so what is that january february march april may june july august
Starting point is 01:06:16 You know nine months And then that shit happens. So then she we were all you know Trying to figure how to react to it the best reactions. I remember stanhope I remember eddie griffin I remember like the first people who got you know when the store opened that thursday or Whatever it was closed, right? It was closed tuesday and then we opened it wednesday night They closed it at that tuesday and then we opened it wednesday. So I think I was there on uh
Starting point is 01:06:45 You know thursday I was there the whole weekend. I was working the door and You know how to spot and then um, but uh She put me on saturday night in the belly room and then that week She's like come to the house. I want to you know, we'll write we'll go through your act and stuff Which means she wanted to suck your dick I think so. Yeah, probably Yeah, maybe I rest in peace no disrespect. No, I should I should have tried but we cuddled a little
Starting point is 01:07:13 You know like you know, we we got we got physical. We we touched, you know, I made her I try to soothe her I rub her her back a little bit or whatever she wanted and then uh, how old was she at this point? 60s late 70s really? Yeah. No no no late 60s mid 60s. We're talking early 2000s Yeah, when I first met her she still looked good. She was still cute She's still petite and cute. Yeah, she's cute. You could tell that. Yeah, she was a mom You know, I can't lie to you. I was missing the love of a mom All right So when she would pull me aside and touch me and tell me certain things
Starting point is 01:07:51 I got so mad like the first two like the fiddle shit and something else she wanted me to do something about I don't even know I I didn't agree with but there were other things she would tell me like pause here Like she told me once I'm not waiting for the laughter You control your laughter wait for like she would say little things to me. Yeah, but getting back to that story Me by that point after 18 months if mitzi told told me something It was gold See what I'm saying? Well, if mitzi told me not to eat there, I wouldn't eat that
Starting point is 01:08:26 Like mitzi was fucking gold I would there was also though times where you were like mitzi's the baseline So whatever she says Is that's that's that's what the book says to do. That's that's what the bible would that's how the rule book would tell you to do All right, she had a plan that you had no fucking idea She was hatching in her brain, but that's not to say that the book is always right. So one time There was this fucking gig that I didn't really want to do
Starting point is 01:08:57 It was kind of far away. I don't even remember what it was It was just kind of this thing kind of got me on the hook to maybe do But I didn't really want to do it because mitzi's giving me really good spots every night And I'm like, I don't need to go to some one-off thing that it's kind of shady. What landcaster Yeah, it was only for a couple hundred dollars or some shit And I and I asked mitzi I said mitzi should I do this gig and she's like no don't do any gigs Don't go on the road. Just stay here and work out at the store I was like, all right, and I did you know, I I didn't do the to the gig
Starting point is 01:09:32 you know, but That resonated too because later on I was like she doesn't care what that fucking thing would have paid You know, if I told her I said no, no, it's like 10 15 thousand dollars. She I she'd probably agree with me and we'd have Yeah, but don't do that. You don't give them the material that they want Yeah, but she thought the best thing to do is to stay in town and work and write in the store and at home When she made me she made me on a sunday and I bent over to her And I had tears in my eyes and I told her I was honored and she's like to save it She goes just make sure you go on for spots this week. I like I can't go in for spots
Starting point is 01:10:13 I have a week of the bruce the tea feathers that she just looked at me And the look was Take that week and you're not gonna get a spot ever again And I woke up monday morning without hesitation At nine o'clock called rooster tea feathers or whatever the club was tommy teas It was tommy teas rather. It was it. It was like a 13 hour drive. It was getting 300 bucks And I'll never forget I go she goes i'm passing you call scott day for spots tomorrow. Oh, you're so handsome I don't like it
Starting point is 01:10:48 Mid-single mid-single. Oh, I can't call them for spots I got tommy teas like I was trying to be braggadocio In a way like I didn't say I was I'm saying going on. Yeah, I was trying to be braggadocio like oh, I got tommy teas And she just looked at me and that looks said There you go. It looks like you're canceling because you're gonna be doing spots here. All right. She didn't even have to say it Yeah, she didn't even have to say it. Yeah, I went outside got my car went home The next one they fucking woke up
Starting point is 01:11:19 Called that club and they they yelled at me. How can you cancel? It's wednesday. Yeah, you give them see in two fucking minutes Get a fucking scab or a fucking thing. So what's this movie? You got that up in mary? um Fuck man Talked now. I was just gonna say that that that that group that you came in there with because I remember like Watching bobby lee and sanchez around mitzi johnny sanchez Because she used to loves sanchez like cracked her up to like the bone Like he did something to her that she just always thought he was this guy who was always like
Starting point is 01:11:54 Complaining and yelling at her and shit and he would play into it And then she would look at bobby and go like are you looking at me and he'd say yeah, and she'd be like Really like How do you see out of those things? She says to bobby anyway Man somebody man, I still remember I still remember the axis of evil to it Okay, so
Starting point is 01:12:19 So we were doing these middle eastern shows and then uh, yeah that happened in uh 04 I met and I went to the edinburgh festival And when that's the first time we called it acts of evil because it was called arabian knights You know and uh, then we changed it to the acts of you and then two years later. We got a deal and we shot it for um all you know comedy central Uh, what's his name over at uh
Starting point is 01:12:45 Levitt levittan No, no levity levity. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I forget like there's a bit of that It was them, you know and uh and then So anyway, and then we tore it and then we went to the middle east and then the middle east Oh, oh, shit. That was great And then uh, and then I got married and then I had a baby and now i'm like she's three years old and my uh Being out every night doing comedy is if you know, it's different
Starting point is 01:13:11 Yeah, so Um, are you still touring on? Yeah, I'm still doing dates. I'm still doing gigs. I was just in dallas This big fucking labor day thing that was amazing was 10 000 Arabs. It's outdoor concert huge stage Bunch of music. It's not like fucking hummus and dead shoes Flies everywhere. Yeah, exactly Yeah, I was a lot of scarves and you know No Long you see people in america. You gotta have a good time with this. She's gotta have a good time
Starting point is 01:13:43 You know, I still remember you and arie going head to head Yeah for years about palestine. He just wouldn't juville went fucking. He wouldn't even have a baby Motherfuckers used to crack me up out there At every opportunity he would find a way to to be insulting or call us all animals or something You know, and he's like, you know, you don't treat animals the same way as you keep treat humans So you got to adjust your debate and you know at at a He would never not do that to the point where you're like He probably believes it at this point because he's that's all he can ever do. He can't have the conversation without
Starting point is 01:14:23 That so I don't even know where you love him over those years leaves tormenting you know, arie and I were always close Oh my god, you guys loved each other. Yeah, it was you a lot to see it He was always and he would buy this nail and make like a remark at you like Keep him away from me. Well, yeah, I'm stupid. I would go. What the fuck you guys are just talking five minutes ago No, I wanted to already be my my counterpart because like how often you're gonna get a fucking palestinian in here You chew, you know what I mean? How how when are you gonna talk about this? Like you have a palestinian you could just I have family over there. You know, I just I was just there I just did gigs in remula this talk about getting into a car. You shouldn't get in on a weird gig
Starting point is 01:15:03 You know, I'm 77,000 miles away. This guy's like, no, come on. Let me smoke He's getting this man, you know, the other two comics are like who is it? He's there like dude. He's like a um, he's palestinian Authority, uh, he's a captain in the authority in the you know, the military there Okay, we get in the car with smoking smoke. We he's blasting music He's like you guys want to drift he starts Drifts around one of those fucking circles acting crazy doing donuts, you know high fives. Good night. See you next, you know Next year in remula You know what I mean? Sometimes you get in the car and it's great
Starting point is 01:15:44 All I'm saying is you know We had a good time. Yeah, we had a good time. We had a good time. You still get spotted at the store No, not much since missy's died Really? Yeah Yeah, I was a boy. Yeah. Yeah. She used to like you. Yeah. I I don't feel like I was very high on the pecking order that night at the uh Funeral, you know, they were getting a lot of people together to talk or get on, you know Get up in the or whatever. I'm like You know, nobody was really asking me to come and get on stage and tell them my story. Did you go down there?
Starting point is 01:16:16 Yeah, I was hanging around for a while. I couldn't talk to so many people outside but like You know when they somebody comes in the hallway or the and they're like looking for comics And I'm like, I'm right here. You know what I mean? I'm like, I don't know. I was just I've just been quiet. I've been quiet lately That's okay. You're paying your dues. You have nothing. I mean, I still I talked to adam I still you know, it's fine. Everything's good. He'll he'll let me back in there But it's so funny how I know
Starting point is 01:16:44 100 people listening that see and 400 who didn't And all those 400 people are fucking gone. Yeah, like they're probably somewhere else I'll never forget. She told this lesbian girl something one day And this girl was fucking outside cursing at her and shit like People used to take stuff too personally when they were comic. Yeah, but this guy I'm talking about so She tells him not to come back without the guitar. Oh, yeah I go inside and I call do a couple of blasted coke
Starting point is 01:17:16 I'm outside and I'm watching this guy holding court Telling people admits, you don't know dick about dick That he's not gonna fucking he refuses to Kick coward down there. You know, and I'm sitting there and looking at him going bro. She's trying to teach you something I don't know what it is. Even at that point in my coked out 99 crazy open mic mind because I was still an open miker and they're like, I was like this dumb motherfucker Is questioning fucking jesus. Yeah, you're questioning like the hell's angel of hell's angel Yeah, and he disappeared for like three months. He went to other places and tried to come and then
Starting point is 01:17:58 That bar because the union died And the bar next to it where dane cook became a star Dublin opened when double first opened it wasn't j. Davey still all right. It was uh, I meant I'm mad and then I think he gave it Jane davis Yeah, it was like two or three of them. Yeah One of the first times they did it. We went over there And that kid was there and I had a couple lines of coke and me a couple cocktails And I didn't like the kid in particular
Starting point is 01:18:28 But what made me not like him more was how he talked against mitzi Yeah, like how he was talking shit against mitzi because it pissed me off You're at the fucking combi store and the fearless leader is telling giving you advice and you're fucking with her What what yeah, how so I went up to him and I go how's life? He goes, you know me Life is great, but I don't know if I'm ready to come back to the combi store It's time. I go you're bringing the guitar back. Oh, yeah, he goes. Yeah, it's time to bring that to guitar I looked him straight in the face. I go
Starting point is 01:18:57 If I was you you're so fucking bad. You might as well bring a whole one piece fucking band You better bring symbols with you in a flute And I had this guy when like I like that's how Disrespectful I felt the mitzi sure. Yeah, won't you ever fucking go out in the parking lot? You gave him a smack. Oh, I fucking just went off on him there. They held him back You know, they held me back. I would have fucking killed this kid in 99. I was out of my fucking mind And then about three maybe maybe six months later. I saw him at the store and he had the guitar And I made my fucking thing and he had a couple cocktails
Starting point is 01:19:34 And his buddy had a cocktail And I had a Heineken bottle in my hand and I was standing by the men's bathroom And they were standing maybe seven eight feet away And as I was coming out of the bathroom, he said to me Did you just go in the bathroom to do a line of coke? See you can be funny And I go the funny thing is I don't need the coke to be fun. I do coke after I get off stage You you're here with your fucking guitar. You fucking not head
Starting point is 01:20:00 And he's like fuck you let's go at it and before he stepped I unleashed that bottle Heineken out of and it hit the wall behind him And him and the other guy just ran away And I never heard nothing about the next day. I'm driving to the store and I'm looking for the coach of the horses And the comic he was with was there and the guy made eye contact with me. He goes, hey Well, let me talk to you. Yeah, he goes that thing last night and didn't do with me. Fuck him Yeah, he's not gonna get me in trouble again. That's like the tenth fight he's gotten into Kid was a nightmare. Oh my god. There was a lot of guys that would go to the store just to complain in those days
Starting point is 01:20:35 They thought they had some power and they irritated me to know it. Yeah, because I complained once I got put in my place And I never fucking complained again. I never fucking heavy complainer I've never complained. I was afraid to ask her for like Hey, um mitzi I have a you know a family dinner And I I got to go to dinner. I might not be able to go up until later. Uh, maybe Yeah, you know like I I'm available, but I somebody no she didn't she refused that It was like she refused that if she gave you had a calling for every night
Starting point is 01:21:08 You said I I have to go bring your dad there. Bring everybody to the store. Yeah, she didn't give a fuck She told me that once in her office one time that she goes these fucking comics They don't want to be comics, right? But then they make plans to be dinner Comics don't gotta fucking it's true. You don't she used to unleash it in front of me that I would look at and go You're right. You don't do dinner and I'll never forget I did a showcase And I made dinner plans and I went to that garlic restaurant Oh, Christ, and I walked out of this smell like 22 thought like this fucking guy when he's got flies chasing And let me tell you something I showcased and the people came up to me and shook my hand
Starting point is 01:21:43 I didn't call me the next day. She didn't surely didn't because I smelled like a fucking my compass bag That was dead for four fucking days. She always said it. Don't go out to dinner before you do comedy I want your mind on comedy. That's why she didn't serve food at the company store. Yeah, she didn't like that Because she didn't like people eating if you I agree rules are like it has to be She was rules a dark room with kind of a low ceiling girls have to be serving drinks and it has to be after dark outside You know those are their rules. Yeah, she had rules, right? And you know, it's funny how The other day somebody sent me a link or some jerk off That was putting me and Ari down and me and a bunch of other people and then they went into this whole comedy store thing
Starting point is 01:22:24 About how the comedy store isn't really the comedy store anymore. I'm sitting there going. Yes. So whatever I mean What the fuck are you talking about? You would survive three minutes Just a shock. I know I know for a fact I I could see somebody and I know now from Where I was when I walked into the comedy store and who I thought I was in my head The first six months were not a pretty fucking situation. No at all. It's a mess. It's a mess You're just trying anything. You're a mess. You're a mess as a human being You're just trying to survive and you don't know if that's your last spot in there Right, you don't know. She just saw you. That's your last spot in there. That's a fun. That's ptsd
Starting point is 01:23:04 That's why I was doing all that fucking blow and whatever the fuck I could do in those days Yeah, this is so many different scenarios that are going on You have to block out so many things you have to just not think about but but yeah, man I always was comfortable with missing the room. I used to like it But there was a time in um, uh when she was Man, you know Tommy had mitzi in right and she had a lot of dementia But by that time it was no good. She didn't recognize. What's Tommy got there. Listen. What's Tommy got there?
Starting point is 01:23:35 It was the beginning of the year. Tommy was the kiss of death. Tommy The final death of fucking death of mitzi. I don't give a fuck what everybody tells you Look at the store during those years. He was there. It was too much controversy and it was different type of controversy It wasn't friendly controversy. It wasn't you and me having a beef over a joke or something You said it was a little bit deeper. You had comics running a ship controlling lineups It was a deeper darker time and he was lying to mitzi the whole time mitzi didn't know whether it was monday or tuesday So he was the only conduit to mitzi telling arin what mitzi said even though mitzi didn't know what planet she was on
Starting point is 01:24:13 So that's when I bowed out. I go something is not here the one day I walked in there And she looked at me weird. It was like 2007 and it was I think I did Yes, I still was doing blow after I left the store But I wanted there to pick up a check and I saw her on the way down and I saw something I saw something that
Starting point is 01:24:37 It was weird and I remember walking out that door and I said to myself I'm not coming back to this place And I remember calling rogan. I remember when you said it rogan I'm advising you don't go back to this place. Yeah, and rogan was hot. He was on fear factor He told me to give a fuck what I had to say that he was going to go down there And maybe a month or two after that he got thrown out and mitzi called Rogan and told him he was okay. I don't know what the exact story is
Starting point is 01:25:10 It was fuck though who went against rogan Because he wanted the other fucking dickhead to be the star of the store. So he chose mincea So he chose mincea and the other fucking moron. So that's what happened at that time period By that time period. I knew I was done. I remember you told me once on the back steps You were like no, man. I'm down around here, you know, you you young guys, you know, blah, blah, and you were like It wasn't too long after that. Were you really yet? If you're in michigan, you have to stick to your fucking nails in life and in comedy You know, all those years were my addiction years, but I still had it sharp
Starting point is 01:25:45 I was still booking movies. I was still getting up in the morning. Get that spider-man money You got all your spider-man money. Oh fuck. Yeah That was great. That shit comes in the mail. That was the best. Yeah, I remember that was 14 days on the set Yeah For one and then you did all those lifetime or no hallmark and I did three different weeks So it counts as a half a point each week. Yeah, so I got a point ahead. It was a good one That's every three months. Yeah, that was that's because I had to wait a different option. No, you wait 90 days Yeah, 90 days you get that first check in the mail. Maybe six months
Starting point is 01:26:21 Yeah, see when you look on your little sag and see residuals and you look at the date when it gets mailed down Yeah, and you call your co-dealer and tell listen I'm coming over Wednesday with a big fucking envelope. You understand me cox nugget. No, man. That's for real No, those were I had it. I was still a stand-up. Yeah, but I remember that whole situation there with uh Yeah, everybody knew that tom. He was probably not telling us what he was telling her No, no, no, who knows and he was so fake to your to my face. He was fake everybody that it was that's what that's what got me He he came out one night with the other scumbag. Thanks for coming tonight He came one night with another fucking scumbag and they threatened me
Starting point is 01:27:03 Doesn't even matter to see him the fucking salute of death. Yeah He threatened me they threatened me in a weird way me. I was so fucked up on drugs And so out of it at that point That I didn't look at it as a threat till I got home And I almost when it got up there in the morning went up there went to smack me then I thought about something I thought about what your longevity is at any comedy club If lee was to walk into lap boston today Even if he was an exceptional comedian
Starting point is 01:27:34 Exceptional from day one After six years, they would tell lee you have to shoot a shoot on the pot What does that mean you gotta go out down the lane get some credits or I can only headline you one week Yeah, yeah, that's it You gotta make a move So I had been at the comedy store It was 97 98 99 and that was 2005 maybe It was time for me to go. Yeah, I had overstayed my welcome. It was my fault. I didn't do anything with those seven years
Starting point is 01:28:09 That's what I feel like. Yes. You know, I mean I did something with those seven years But at the time I was like I didn't use those seven years to my advantage Little I know you should have grown up to be a great comic. All right. I knew how to fucking improvise I was you know, you say something really important You know that you learn how to do comedy with mitzi in the room Can I ask you a personal question here? Is there anything scarier than that at the time? No, it's the most nervous thing ever because But I the fact that I could get on stage block it out and go
Starting point is 01:28:44 I know my my act I you know, I was doing some triple things, you know, whatever or where I you have to 30 now I'm only doing 15 And I just stuck to my guns and then I was like the fact that I was able to block it out with her and just focus And still be with the crowd was an achievement And and when you block it out, you're basically saying like Man, she's seen everything. Don't worry about that. You know, it was like trust. It was like I trusted her
Starting point is 01:29:15 After about a year or two I looked at it from two different directions. I looked at that She didn't care what he didn't knew or used or old material She just wanted you to come out to be yourself. Yeah, I got that point from her. Yeah, that's what I was trying to show I was trying to show her more of what I That's what whatever she saw in me. I wanted her to see that you would see more. That's what she wanted She wanted you even if the joke bombs she wanted you to commit to that joke Right as she would say some to you good commitment. Yeah, let me tell you something quick story about you
Starting point is 01:29:47 Lee there was a show called k-loco k-loco was a comedy show on telemundo or uh gather vision or whatever And it was like, um, mostly spanish-speaking comics, but after a few years They just started mixing in a lot of different people, but it's basically a spanish channel Um, but a lot of local comics were getting a spot on it. So it's 9 11 happens september 11th. This is in october This is october after 9 11. I was already booked to do this k-loco k-loco
Starting point is 01:30:19 And we went down there and they shoot like a bunch of episodes in a row and um, I bailed on my arab jokes because I was like I don't you know shit just happened like four weeks ago and uh So I changed them all and my whole thing and I was like, I'll talk about that Girlfriend joke and then girls and guys and whatever and I went out there and just It just wasn't good And it was just bad and I just couldn't get laughs and like people are like, what the fuck is your act?
Starting point is 01:30:51 What's your what are you here for? You know, I mean it's a spanish show with black and different You know ethnicities, you know, it's kind of like do your ethnic shit. This is your crowd. You know, I mean and I didn't I didn't know how to handle like uh That right after 9 11 a month later. I didn't know what to say yet. So Anyway, they do a curtain call at the end of the show. They don't call my name
Starting point is 01:31:17 Right. I've been standing around since 6 p.m. Now. It's fucking 9 30 10 You know what I mean? And I I finally got out there to do my six minutes and it just I'm just fucking sweating to get off stage. Nobody wants to tell me exactly what happened. Nobody can comprehend you know Just it was just a bomb, right? And uh Bobby had left. He was my ride Bobby Lee just he's a he was gone And uh, so you were like, come on. I'll give you a ride fucking get in the fucking car
Starting point is 01:31:48 And we're like you have a little car and we're just fucking flying now I'm 134 and I was like so happy that I was out of there And you were like you didn't really acknowledge it. You just I don't even think you saw it, you know You're just like whatever, you know, you just gave me a pep talk. We just fucking Rattled our way all the way to fucking Los Feliz and you dropped me off and I was like that whole nightmare was over But I'll never forget that fucking ride home I was also a little scared because you were coped up to you were like you finished the show the show went great We did a little fucking this little that or driving you you're going to the store wherever you're going and uh
Starting point is 01:32:24 And you were you were on fire air care. Come on air care. Come on. There's fucking, you know It was basically a pep talk, but uh, I don't remember anything we were saying I used to You know when I wake up in the morning I I put something on twitter And people always say it's rude or whatever, but this is the things I used to tell myself Whether after once 2000 2001 came here I was a different individual. I stopped caring and that's what made me more dangerous Yep, yeah, that's it once you stop caring it makes you more dangerous than an individual you do
Starting point is 01:32:59 So all those bombings I was talking myself out of them. I was very good By the way, I just described my top two bombs right there Yeah That first set in the or that I sat back and watched paul mooney all night and that k loco thing And then there was there was one other though I have a top three after that you know what I mean You can't keep track of fucking everything, but I just remember those bombs, bro Yeah, I mean 10,000 good bombs when I bomb my bombing style, but yeah, if you're gonna bomb that's a bomb with a tuxedo
Starting point is 01:33:28 You're the you got to be probably world-class top like pantheon of of bombing with the fucking with With a with a personality with a fucking uh, you know Bombing making an art of it Norm mcdonald's great at it, right? Uh, there's comics who are just so they make they make bombing and art they take it to the To anywhere they want then it's like once everybody's united against you Everybody's united. You can take them on any you can take up any gift you want. Yeah, and it's easier When I first there was a period at the store where I would take long pauses
Starting point is 01:34:08 I practiced taking long pauses on purpose horrible Horrible I do not suggest that that no barnhardt does horrible horrible long pauses to put myself in depots And that's how I learned set myself in a depots right was take long fucking pauses and people would be sitting there staring And I wouldn't say a word. You know what taught me that andrew dice class I was gonna say that's a dice thing andrew dice clay would go I still remember andrew coming up to me one night and he goes you want to open me this weekend Go up on stage and don't say a fucking word for three minutes
Starting point is 01:34:41 You did that shit? I did it. That's great with three minutes three minutes. Whoo Do anything but say a word Don't say a word for three minutes and you come to vacancy. Isn't j j london's another cuban jew I think isn't he j london I don't even know gentlemen j london. Oh, I haven't seen him. I haven't seen him. I don't fucking know remember gently Yeah, I haven't seen him in a long time man. I haven't seen him a while either. What's this thing you got coming out talk to me Uh, these these guys these filmmakers they've been um in the business, you know And they haven't made a film in a long time and they really You know felt motivated with the times we're in
Starting point is 01:35:17 And they went and asked all the middle eastern comedians that they could find How they are dealing with uh trump in the age of trump how are the comedians how are the middle eastern comedians handling it because You know used to be a thing that there were even middle eastern comedians Now there's you know a lot You know it was probably like 50 that are like really good I mean that's crazy how fast things there was none. There was three. There was four. I was one of the like first four
Starting point is 01:35:51 You know there was people who came before us, but they they never said that they Arab had nothing to do with it. They would hide it or they just wasn't relevant, right? So getting like that so anything changed now they're going back They interviewed everybody. Um, you know moz and russell peter and all the brown comedians, you know but um But then anyway, so they just were cool guys They were doing interviews and then they started like getting focused on my family and how I took kind of My flight from comedy and married
Starting point is 01:36:25 I married outside of comedy You know, I didn't marry calm. I actually have a wife. I didn't marry comedy I guess I didn't choose because I actually went out and I married a woman. Yeah, you know beautiful woman from alberta Right, and my husband married an attorney and yeah, yeah nobody married into comedy. Yeah, I pursued that so anyway, they were they were interested in my life and so they shot a lot of that and um with my baby so then they end up Uh You know using that this picture on the poster but yeah, they they really used me as a big focus of them of the
Starting point is 01:36:57 movies tell story of uh You know how to deal with this what's going on and all the politics, you know and like You know, there was the travel ban Muslims, then there's just all the immigrants and uh All of that stuff all that shit, you know, but um from our perspective as Middle Eastern people All right, let's just come out now. Okay. So uh, they're doing screenings. What is this? Um, So october 19th. Yeah. Yeah through 21st There's gonna be um impales verdes
Starting point is 01:37:31 You know how this is going nationwide. Yeah, it's going nationwide. They're just having um, they're just having like the little world premiere. So Is there a website they could go to? Yeah, so it's called travel ban like travel ban colon Make america laugh again But travel ban Make america laugh again. You could find that on um facebook or you can just google um the movie and you'll see uh
Starting point is 01:37:58 The dates are october 19th through the 25th and uh In new york on december 14th through 20th in brooklyn alpine cinemas So they're having these one week engagements in la and uh new york. So uh Yeah, it's a documentary. It's just about it's basically a documentary about comedians How many times have you seen that right? Let's follow a bunch of comedians see what their take is how they're dealing with the times we're in with the trump and all this shit, you know, the
Starting point is 01:38:30 there was no uh Middle eastern or indian comics until You two came along and then from that country They saw the artist stand up comedy because i remember gabriel Talked about it at one time and he went over. Yeah, we took him over to aamon jordan, right? How big utah? Yeah, how big youtube was how they were learning how to do stand up. They were finishing his jokes from what? Yeah from watching youtube over there. His name is jebriel. They're like jebriel and he's like uh You know fluffy and everything and they knew all of his shit. He showed up. Please went crazy. They're finishing his jokes
Starting point is 01:39:05 He was like what the fuck we met the king the king has us over, you know like The king Oh my i shouldn't tell the story man. He he he delayed russell peters flight like we're all on the same flight Fluffy and his group of eight or whatever. They're awesome, you know And then russell his couple of people and it's like, you know maz and me and i think oh, no dean uh obedala and uh We all get to the airport and they detain uh russell
Starting point is 01:39:38 And um like did some crazy interrogation and just turned out there was a fucking you know He's a fucking with them. They're like the king's like give give him the business You know what i mean? Just give him the business make him make him like let everybody in and make it seem like he's gonna miss his flight And he can't go home and then uh, but don't delay the flight. You know just get him on there last minute They took him around to some shit I don't know what they did Fuck i was joking around with them. It was a pleasure seeing you man. All right godfather
Starting point is 01:40:09 I'm happy that you took the time out. We talked about you coming on the podcast a year ago Yeah, man, it's been bumped into you and we you know, I just like I tell people if you know at the store and I don't see It's so tough any I know it's hard to remember about it with family with kids Man, it's great. Can you uh, yeah, you know, you just have uh, so please forgive me. It's nothing personal It's just that you you're down there. You have such a short window people contact you Yeah, and things get in the way, but I saw your flyer No, man, as soon as I wanted to give you some love brother as soon as uh, you saw that you called me and I'm here And I'm like men this I'm just blessed to know you. Yeah, you know
Starting point is 01:40:49 To ever be thought of and Lee. I'm gonna think of you some time Oh, it's great to meet you buddy because you know what to be thought of is sometimes, you know, that's That's what you want because sometimes you worry about what people think but really You know that they would even think That you would even be in their sphere the people that you would know like the fact that I could be somewhere in your mind is like we You know our our cousins and family at the store under my brother Yeah, my brother Georgie k and you're right under him Georgie and I don't know how many times I go to press your number Like I got nothing to talk to him about he doesn't think I'm a weirdo
Starting point is 01:41:27 But then I forgot them. I'm the aren't I'm the king of the check it Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't text me. Don't do that. Just call me. We'll be we'll be cool like motherfuckers And I wanted to call you and just reach out. I saw your poster And I wanted you to come on because your family I love you to death and I love that you never Judge me when I was going through all my problems. I want to repay the favor and tell you to your face You never Shunned me you dealt with me as an addict and you always showed me respect. So I never forgot that So thank you very much before we end
Starting point is 01:41:59 I'm going to be at the improv in west palm beats next weekend October 11 through the 13th. Don't quote me on the thursday. I think I might take it out But I'll keep you guys posted I got a meeting that they got some shit going on and number two I'm over at heliaries in cleveland with my man george perez October 25th through the 27th. Do you have anything coming up beside the movie? Oh, uh, what am I doing the arab american comedy festival in new york city every year? We do it the annual we're in his 15th year coming up october 11 through uh 14th
Starting point is 01:42:31 Good. I don't have to compete with you motherfuckers. I got my own demons to compete with I love you. I mean kater. Love you. Number one Since I started this podcast people always asked me for advice Usually it's what teams are better. I don't know think about betting on whether you know me dog I can't but the truth is I know who's gonna win But if you think you know, you got to check out my bookie. Remember Who you're betting on is just as important. Who's who you're betting with? That's why I tell people to bet with my bookie. Trust me guys. They're the best bet this season
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Starting point is 01:44:51 Go to honor.com right now get started with the shroom tech Immune or the shroom tech sport if you're working out you're not gonna fucking be sorry And the alpha brain you're having a hard time focusing thing It is the way to go without in the fucking adder and all that shit alpha brain will tune you to fuck up I want to thank Boston again for a tremendous weekend. I want to thank fox woods. I want to thank Aaron kater I want to thank the flying juba most importantly. I want to thank you guys on the monday morning I thought but first we start from zero cops up is go do what you got to do have a great week
Starting point is 01:45:20 Uncle joe here kick that fucking muley I Want to be around To pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart Some somebody twice as smart as I Are somebody who will swear to be true as you used to do with me Who'll leave you to learn that misery loves company See
Starting point is 01:46:23 Wait and see I mean I want to be around To see how he does it when he breaks your heart to bits Let's see if the puzzle fits So far So And that's when I'll discover that revenge is sweet As I sit there a plodden from a front row seat
Starting point is 01:47:09 When somebody breaks your heart like you I

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