Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #624 - Wheeler Walker Jr.

Episode Date: October 9, 2018

Wheeler Walker Jr, a country music singer and the host of "The Wheeler Walker Jr. Podcast," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. Wheeler's new album, 'WW3," will be released November 30, 2018.  This podcast is brought to you by:   MyBookie.com -  Use code promo Church to get up to a 100% match on your first deposit up to $1,000. Deposit after 7pm EST and they will give you another $25 in free play.   23andme.com - 23andMe is a DNA testing service that can offer you insights on to how your DNA can influence your weight, sleep quality and much more. Order your 23andMe health and ancestry kit at 23andMe.com/church    Recorded live on 10/08/2018.

Greetings from podcastville The church the church of what's happening now is right. I fucking stuttered that sounded I leave the digit the church What's happening now is brought to you by? 23 and me 23 and me is DNA testing service that can offer insights into your ancestry your health your wellness and different traits The 23 and me health and ancestry service includes reports on how your DNA can influence your weight your sleep Quality your caffeine it the caffeine intake sense of taste whether you're likely to be lactose intolerant and a lot of other stuff It's easy to do too. You just spit into a tube you provide it into 23 and me kitten

You mail your saliva sample back to the lab to be analyzed what I'm gonna do is this Order your 23 and me health and ancestry kid at 23 and me com slash church That's 23 and me calm Slash church the church is also brought to you by my Bookie bitches if you had kabeb in the over. Oh shit, but listen That's over watching football is fun, but it's more entertaining when you got a little action on the game All right, I can't watch no game if I don't fucking bet it

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Shit a little prince deep from the trenches of death It's a church of what's happening now Tuesday November 9th the day the devil was buried at sea Here we go What was the last time you heard this motherfucking tune here violin black people? tremendous None like black people and violins to bring together a Sunday afternoon

baby, baby, oh Shit, it's church what's happening now Take that mule Lee Do you want him? Oh shit? Wheeler that'll make me was like this Putting his heart into this fucking thing here we go Oh This is real Viking in music

I Feel the passion of his voice people If you don't have passion like this and what you're doing fucking shoot yourself you understand me Are you fucking nuts when I heard this the other night I almost fucking got heroin Like I was fucking it you it took me fucking back to 1985 I We love Walker ladies and gentlemen the flying Jew and your uncle fucking Joey on a Tuesday morning What up, baby miss you man? Love you. It's good to be here, man. It's great to fucking have you we didn't get you stoned tonight

So there's no misunderstanding. Yeah, I'm all good. Yeah, I got the fucking weed the fucking cavern on fucking smoke Before he choked that bitch that man Because nobody talked about weed that's what happened Well, I like your tweet where you said ask ask her if he had a big dick, you know Yeah, what the fuck you see this dick tell me what's color the fucking scabbas. Yeah, I'm saying Do you ever see that movie porkies? Yeah, porkies one of the great and I know lead in sea He was too busy watching orange is the new purple King control is getting fucked in the locker room. I don't think it was alive yet

But the chick from sex in the city is getting fucked in the locker room And this shows these girls taking a shower And it shows like their tits and they're all washing themselves and there's a hole in the wall And a guy put his dick in the hole in the wall. It's fucking hilarious. You know, you're a kid you laugh It had to be it came out like an 84 and the next scene is the chick the chubby fucking lesbian Jim teacher with the principal and the guy and then going so

What do you want us to do and she's like I want you to put an act to this Somebody has to find this penis And he goes what do you want me to do do us get a sign and put Have you seen this penis? You never saw that move? I saw but I remember that porkies penis scene It is fucking legendary because they're howling at this poor woman to her face It was just like what happened at the senate committee They were just laughing at it

Like she's like, you know, I want to get to the bottom of this I want to I want to find this dick or she kept calling the penis and they're like, so what do you want us to do? Find the dick put porkies Penis scene or dick scene whatever whatever works Can they show fucking penis on youtube? Maybe not like there's tallywacker scene. Yes. Yes. That's the one tallywacker she kept calling him tallywacker. Oh, no And he's like so what do you want us to do? This is one of the greatest fucking scenes. Yeah, right there porkies tallywacker

Let's see if they fucking even show Look at his face And he's trying to tell the kid not to laugh look And look at the gym teacher and the other guy a fucking howling I'm not going to let him slip through my fingers She grabbed the guy's dick in the shower. Oh, no Look at the principal's face. He's dying to laugh Look at the other two dudes. It's like George jones up there

What are you going to do about it? Five young boys that will you please line up so that you can identify Is a tallywacker Please tell me, call it a tallywacker Fingers is so close of Oh He's dying to laugh. Look at him. He's holding his breath As distasteful as it is

That's that chick at the fucking talent cabinet or he showed his dick. What? I feel like the guy with the black hair is you in school Look at them. That's comedy Now I would be very happy to I can't imagine what the board of education would say if you were granted a lineup in order to examine their private Ah Their private parts for an intimidating I think I have a way out of this

We call the police and we haven't sent over one of their sketches Oh Watch what he says Have you seen this break? Oh, look at his face now the principal Look at the principal That's comedy guys right there Look at him how he's holding it in he's fucking dying inside And that kid won't stop torturing him

That's the video you guys got to see porkies the tallywacker scene Then they focus on this is the fucking real directing. This is as stupid as this movie was I remember I'm yeah, I remember just I remember watching for the tits That was like this always came on like an 11 11 30 in 1984 Like because they did something they did something they showed you tits and the chick from sex in the city every time she fucked She would yell loud. She would moan loud. Oh Oh, so the old lady on sex in the city Her she was in this movie porkies fucking tremendous. I gotta rewatch man. There's two good movies that came out at the same time

The one before this was called hollywood knights. In fact, I'm doing something for the guy mike Whatever he's in that movie He's directing something for the comedy store like a showtime documentary Mike binder his name is he had a show on HBO called mind of a married man He was new bomb turks buddy in that movie hollywood knights Which they pretty much cast out of the comedy store in 1982. That's how long mike bind has been around so Those two movies. What are you shooting for them? Like a documentary about the movie about the comedy store about the comedy store Five hour five hour documentary and they're gonna interview

Comics that are there before where's where's it gonna come out? Do you know? I have no fucking idea. What's with the question? I'm asking the question. Tell me to be there. They do a contract. I go down there and I talk for an hour I get the fuck out of there. I don't give a fuck. How the fuck are you? You're on tour with kid rock Tour tour and got a new album coming out and we're doing these west I'm gonna I'm bum. You're not doing these west coast dates with me man Yeah, no because I canceled on portland last year because I had the ear problem. So that's the date. I'm important Yeah, it's a bummer. I wish I mean I'm gonna miss you on those but it'll be fun I'll are you here for the la show? Can you and lee come out again?

I don't know what night the la show is you have to tell me I don't um, maybe it's at the nobo downtown. I want to say november 20 I leave on thursday thursday friday saturday. I think it's there. I think it is there trust me. We're fucked that weekend You know bro every weekend that i'm out Is the weekend with something good's happening? Like this weekend I was home for connor and greger and whatever But usually I'm on the road. I just got invited to see skinner national. I'm gonna be out time for that But me out. Yeah, it's always something and people have no idea

What your schedule consists of they have no idea. I would love to go see judas priest and fucking uh And uh, whatever they were talking about Mike. Mike whatever was talking about today on the radio How different it is that judas priest opens up for uh smoke on the water whatever the fuck that band is Who did smoke on the water? You don't remember now. Jesus smoke on the wall. Uh, I'm blank. I'm blanking man She said you didn't even smoke reefer. You know fucking the Deep purple deep purple. That's right. Yeah, so they were talking about the comparisons about deep purple

Why deep purple's closing the tour That people are going to see judas priest and leaving Oh, yeah, where's where's this they're doing something that I think the la count the la something uh Uh, I don't know what the fuck it is. I think I they could have happened already, but I was like when people invite me to shit You know, there's one week That I have three days in time. So I have to accomplish everything I do in five days Yeah, that's the thing people don't understand is these long weekends these long weekends kill you But too long weekends. Y'all sudden everyone's like, oh, you only have to work weekends too long weekends

You're in town two days You know and it used to be a longer week for comedy Like when I got into comedy it was Tuesday through Sunday. Do you know what that's like by fucking? Oh, I've done it man. It sucks by saturday. You don't want to even fucking crack a joke Well, I I mean, I'm actually happy that we're even when I do have to do Wednesday through sunday or something I mean, we used to do we used to go out do 28 dates in a row So I'm actually happy where we are now You know looking back at all that shit like I love all that stuff

I could there was a time when I could do that. I remember when I was a kid. There was 50 50 tour What's that guy? He does like a rockabilly type music. He's been around since I was a fucking kid that guy who I can't fuck oh diddly. No. No. He's a white dude George Therogood George Therogood new destroyers George Therogood one year and 82 maybe 81 to the 50 50 50 states and 50 fucking days. How the fuck you do that? How the fuck do you do that, man? Well, I don't know how I mean are you I'm at the age now

Where I don't know how the fuck I did this shit I did last year Like how do I get through those shows? I don't even know No, you love something enough like you love it, but then you have to look at your time Yeah, and what goes with that time, you know, it's just too much time away from home, you know, and you don't have a kid No, I have a son now. Do I tell you that? Yeah, I didn't know that's what my new record's about Congratulations ww3. How old is it? He's six months. Yeah, so you know how it is. Yeah, man. I can't but I gotta think as he gets older you don't want to be No matter how famous you get you don't want to be that type of dad

Yeah, I mean I feel I don't want to be on you don't want to be that type but I don't want to be yet a kid rock I mean nothing is kid rock, but I don't want to be playing kid rock shows my kid's growing up No, no, but even if you go out on your own No matter what, you know, and you do you I mean you have to keep the lights on Yeah, but I right now it's how it pays the bills But yeah, I know what you're saying like I every weekends of is it's it's hard on you You know, look at these older rock stars now. Yeah, they go out but they play every other night They're on testosterone

You know, they're doing that. Well, I know I know that bodies you can't drink Can you imagine you were drinking and snotting and going up five, you know, I know dudes who I mean I don't know them, but you know, there's the big guys now They do private planes. Yeah every show. Yeah. Yeah, and I think I don't want to say kid rock does to every but he flies into a lot of the shit I think he does at least we live and drive No, I think he flies in to the shows. I don't want to speak for him That seems like the like the thing that would make it a thousand times easier if you didn't have to wake up early

You could just get on the plane No security Yeah, you don't have to and that's a big thing. You don't have to go through airports, you know But yeah, the big I heard, you know, a lot of the big bands some of the like the biggest bands they walk Back show ends they walk backstage Get on a plane. They're they sleep in their bed every night We have a friend chemo who does security for slash And you know, whenever he comes to town

For guns and roses, he always calls like I wish I'd seen that reunion two years. You're invited. Whatever. It's weird I've had conversations with him and he said down this last guns and roses to He didn't even see axle rose till like The second or third month That they fly independently. Oh, I believe he am my last their money is just so insane. They just get there on their own They check into it. You see him on stage. Oh, yeah, you see him on stage. They high five nobody's getting high no more Nobody's drinking

So everybody goes back to their fucking room and plays the guitar and takes his annex and goes to sleep And they get up and they don't see each other I believe you know, you're at a certain level. I mean I wish I could do what I was doing in my 30s now I agree wish I could leave on wednesday and come back on sunday and take three plans in between now It's like that pens all commercial you either gonna pay me now or you gonna pay me later because it drags with you Even if you get off the plane do a little workout Drink water get a good night's sleep. Well, well this trip for me not to interrupt is like, you know

It's just a couple I have to come here for a couple days of meetings Then I fly back to Nashville And two hours after I get back I gotta get on the bus because I get a drive overnight to Atlanta to play that night Which is fine. I mean, you listen, it's the life I chose but it's still a bit much I need more than two hours. Did you watch steven tyler on steven parry steven tyler on rogan? Yeah, yeah, did you see his fucking schedule at 68? No, it's crazy. Yeah, I mean, it's crazy. I should watch some of his netflix special, which wasn't That great, but it was it was him trying to do country, you know

But it was you know, it was kind of just it was puff. You know, it wasn't great But yeah, being steven tyler was in the 68 years old. He was talking about his schedule and you're sitting there going Holy fuck. I thought I had it tough This guy is on the move and he writes everything down. He was And he still seemed pretty, I mean he did a lot of drugs, but he seemed with it to me Yeah, all those guys listen that was just a period in their time Whoever that guy's essence when you watch him on rogan that day his essence Came through like no guest rogan ever had you could tell that johnny depth's full of shit when you see this guy

He's the original johnny depth. Oh, yeah, I mean, I was gonna say my favorite music guess he's had recently That and I thought uh, james hatfield from metallica was awesome. James hatfield was great Like those two guys you don't see him talk like that. No, but steven tyler took me to a like when he started talking about uh the chick that from uh, bowmont texas that old deeds You know with there was three people old deed morrison Fucking hendrix and the chick. What was her name? Janice job. Janice job

He said he went to see janice job And listen if you listen to their early albums those yells a janice job. Oh, yeah, I never thought about that I want to welcome lee's fly. He finally got here Your pet fly lee's got a pet fly. You got a pet fly man. You go a year without seeing the service fly He has a certificate. You find out he's got a fucking fucking pet fucking fly because he's hummus it lives on his neck He's like fucking that's that dude that lives in a pineapple I can't eat hummus because i'm worried joey's gonna come to my house one day and find hummus I know you eat it. No, I don't eat hummus every day check my fridge. Trust me. You eat hummus every day

That's why you drank the wish a great debate. He said hummus wait wait till fucking ices comes over At this point. I'll give ices your address, but they're not coming over my house because I don't eat hummus Is that where they go where the hummus is? Yeah, well the hummus is no, that's the people who like him I guess but any like can you explain to people because I mean I had a regular job, but we the most recent out of us three Okay, like so there's people who work 40 hours a week and they're like, oh, I'd love to just sit on a plane and then Sit on a hotel and then go do that But like it it it's more tiring than it sounds like what like you just tell you I mean Here's the thing here's what you I know what you're saying and I agree 100%

I used to be a kid watching the people on tv complain about their schedule And I would get so fucking pissed at them. I go I would give my fucking nut left nut to have that life But it's just you know, and I'm not complaining. I love it, but it's just I'm not complaining about my skin I love what I do when I love being busy and I love not having time for stupidity No, that's nothing I love more Than how I got all the stupidity out of my life But like you were we were talking about before the show I mean there's the people the lazy fucks who just who want to just take shortcuts

They know fucking sure there's no shortcuts and then and you see it over the years That people keep attacking them and you see the people that keep attacking shortcuts and after a while you have to stay away from them Because that's all they are. It's a fucking shortcut you know I'm not complaining at all about my schedule. I love that You know what pisses me off What's that? Wasted time. Yeah, exactly. No, I agree the time I wasted over the years

That's what pisses me off today when everybody in this room That's what I try to tell you people with this fucking stupid podcast as stupid as this thing is I'm 55 I go on the road. I got a nice family whatever But there was a lot of wasted time There was 20 years of wasted time that I was was there was there 20 you I In garbage garbage Watching movies my drugs or drugs the movie watching

the sports The there were so many things that didn't matter That you don't know till you're 55. Yeah, but I think the drugs and alcohols is what does it? I mean, you don't sit around when you're motivated and sober watching movies all day, you know Let me tell you something. I've always been a motivated guy. There's one when I was 16 My mother died and when I was 20 I realized That you're alone in this world. So get that out of the way right there. I was always a hustler wheeler dealer I was always up to something

but I could sit there for 10 hours and watch movies 12 hours I could watch a Charles Bronson festival by myself It was okay. I learned a few things. I got into the business. So it wasn't a waste of time Research, but you know, that's why when I see young kids and they tell me they're going home for a sport day Like I'm sitting here watching knowing I'm I don't get it Because once you really get into life and once you find what you love that shit don't matter Like none of that shit. Yeah, I mean, I I think nothing that only thing that can it can get in the way of your private life

I think when you get too obsessed with it. Don't you think? well I always think of women I always think of women If I was a woman and I dated a guy And if he broke my balls on Sunday that he had to go sit with other guys at a bar to watch a game that guy would be dumped Like I would dump that fucking guy as a woman, you know any guy that's above fucking 30 That comes to me and says as a woman that he has to play softball with his buddies. He's gone

Yeah, he's history. Like I don't believe I've never believed in a lot of stuff I don't believe in watching cartoons after a certain age. I don't watch the Simpsons. I don't watch shit. I don't give a fuck You watch cartoons when you're a fucking kid You want to put a superman on when you're a shirt on when you're 25 go choke yourself? You're not doing nothing for yourself. You know what I'm saying? Like I always I already knew that Like a 26 and 27 like I had stopped watching football Like I remember sitting in a bar and with my friends watching football and going What the fuck is happening in my life?

There's gotta be something I could be doing and sitting here Waiting for a drug delivery and watching football But I was homeless at the time and I had no choice Yeah And I couldn't I couldn't I couldn't wait to get out of hanging out in bars I couldn't wait when I left in 84. I could I was 21 And I didn't want to walk into another bar ever again

Like I was content to 21 not to walk into a bar ever again. I never really did I'm kind of the same way as you it's like, you know, sometimes I'll be on the bus Sunday driving back from the Saturday night gig It's like an all-day bus ride and you're you're instinct sometimes to complain about but then you think like I worked my fucking ass off For this and it's a nice fucking bus, you know, it's not a big, you know What's what the fuck do I need what need to be at home doing the same fucking shit? One of my favorite videos of all time is bon Jovi dead or alive Because they show him on the bus after a show wiping his face

And I remember being a civilian like selling cars. I'm watching that video on my dick getting hard Because I was saying that's what life on the road is like and I remember being on greyhound buses going Bon Jovi did it, you know, like that. Like yeah, well, that's the thing too is you know what to me the the great equalizer of tour buses are You know, there's not a bus in the world where you that you're can take a shit on You know, you guys know that right you cannot shit on I haven't been on the tour bus Why can't you sit on the tour bus because where the fuck is it gonna go? You can't dump it on the fucking highway You can't fucking keep it in that thing and the whole bus is going to smell like shit

So it doesn't matter how fucking rich you are ain't no shit on the tour bus So you can be fucking aerosmith. You can be fucking wheel walker jr. No matter what you guys like a row a code amongst musicians Yes, you don't mean really, but it's so I gotta fuck this shit at four in the morning Because I lived in an rv for a while and I take like ginormous shits in there in the rv Fuck yeah, then once a week you take it to some place and oh no no Yeah, I'm guy that gets eight dollars an hour puts a hose on the fucking but ain't no But you weren't living with five fucking people I was living with a girl in rv and it smelled like shit. No, it's not like fucking tropical paradise. Yeah, it's not like

Yeah, exactly. Well, I mean, I'm sawing the bus. I don't want someone else. No, that's how I feel That's why when people ask me today Do you want to go on a tour bus? I go first off? I don't want to smell another man's feet I already did time Yeah, when you do time you smell men's feet And then you smell men's assholes You just smell it in the air because it's people don't want to take showers. I can't live with that You know, that's my thing now

It's just like all your whole life my whole life now is revolving on how the fuck and where the fuck i'm gonna take a shit But like I said, it's worth it. I don't but aren't tour bus is really expensive. They can't You can take a shit on a tour bus. You just I'm just saying there's eight guys on a tour bus If I got to stop every time somebody needs to take a shit, we're never gonna get nowhere. No, no They ain't no you guys look it up. Ain't no tour bus. You can shit on some of I think there's some where they chop it up I'm not kidding And like look some Ralphie may have a tour bus if anybody had a shit. It was that motherfucker. Okay Rest in peace. Yeah, well, he bought what's his name is old tour bus the guy that plays

Well, I just I was barefoot up on stage Dave Matthews. So I just um, so we just we rent tour bus every weekend. We just had uh Axl Rose's old tour bus. No shit on that Is there is is there is there a toilet? Is a toilet? Yeah, you piss. Yeah, listen, let me tell you something I can never be in a band Because I shit four or five times a day, especially with coffee So if I got to pull over after the third time i'm shitting in that bathroom and you flush it and you light incense And you come out

I don't want to smell nobody else's shit. I never do. That's why I don't go to the bathroom at the airport You're walking to the bathroom at the airport in five in the morning. It's like a tornado of 18 different shits going on I mean, I don't know. It's not even your nose can't even handle it the men's bathroom. I mean, I'm with you But I go in there. It's fucking horrible But when you gotta go, yeah, I'm with you I mean, I've shitting some fucking crazy places this past year a place. I never thought I would even I don't know how I how I did it But when you gotta go that fucking bad

I was one of those kids that used to hold on to stuff and I got sick And then I made it a habit just to shit when I had this shit And it started you like that freddie prince killed himself 19 whatever I was walking home. It was fucking freezing and we used to cut through the cemetery and we'd see devil worshipers through there Doing shit and they chase us and shit And why not I had a shit and I went in there and I'll never forget taking that shit and looking back And the guy had been buried like an 1891. I'm like nobody visits this guy You know what I'm saying? Like who visits this guy? He ain't got nobody left

This part of new jersey like north bergen where I would cut through the project was old It was old and I remember that was the first time I took a shit outside And I pissed in my pants. I didn't take my pants all the way off Oh, shit I shit and I kept peeing and when I put my pants on they were frozen It was so cold outside that my pants got like icicles on And I had to walk home like the tin man fucking was there like like an eye like ice hanging from your dick It was ice on my pants like it froze that fast

But how am I pulled my pants off? I heard like well, she's hot too. Oh, yeah Yeah, there was steam coming out and stuff. It was that cold out. It was mid january in jersey I knew there was a reason why I remembered Dave matthew store bus. Do you remember in 2004? His bus driver was on a bridge and dumped 800 pounds of poop off the bridge But a river cruise was going by at the same time and ported on the boat We'll see well, I'm saying but yeah, that's exactly right. He he was the guy who tried to do it. He can't do it I mean you can't dump it in the fucking ocean But there's people who will fucking stick a hose in the rv or the tour bus and they suck all the shit out

I'm telling you. Okay. Well, I gotta find this guy. I'll get Yeah, there's there everywhere every all those places where you stop on the road with trucks There's always a creepy looking guy back there. Listen, you know, I think you know, I think it is I think is maybe it's my but I think maybe it's a personal thing But I think it's a thousand dollar fine. If you invite me to your home I will I will not take a shit at your house. I have a rule I won't take a shit at your house. You don't take a shit at mine. I'm not playing. I have a rule There's only one person who broke and I had to pull him aside one time

I had a little talk that was Ari came to my house and he stunk up the fucking bathroom My dead Jews you can't do that to me. You understand me? It's not like fucking Juville What did you say to him? I had to pull him aside and go listen. This is an unspoken rule Don't shit in my house And I won't come to don't make me go to your house and take one of those mule shit Because I won't shift for three days and knock on your door and I'll fucking destroy that bathroom Like an animal. So there's a rule amongst Joey Diaz. I gotta go to your house Once you start smelling the first two farts if it's me and if it's a prescient, I'm out of your house

How about this? But anyone listen? That's my new rule. I'm taking that. I don't even shit in hotels Like during the weekend. What I shit lightly Like only little like six inch pieces come out. They're like little nuclear waste But when I get home on sunday when that uber driver dropped me at home I take the key out of the suitcase I go in the house and I drag the suitcase all the way to the bedroom I take my computer my notebook out And whatever weed I brought home from the weekend

I put in the office and right away before I do anything I go in that bathroom that back bathroom And out will come a piece of 40 to 48 inches of the whole weekend shit Because my asshole is a fucking decent person. He doesn't even like shit other people's bad Well, how do you not how do you not do it all weekend at the hotel? I don't my stomach knows. I'm in far That's crazy. Yeah, you and I you I've been doing and this is not good for me It's before like an eight hour drive and I know I can't shit on the bus I'll sit down the toilet and try to push something out, which I think is that's bad for your fucking asshole Well, that's how I always die. What you need to do is smoke a pipe while you're doing it

So when you cough you push at the same time. That's a trick uncle. Joe. You don't even get all down I'll fucking do I do it in the morning. I'll drink coffee And I feel like a little something but no it's not ready yet But I got what's the pipe? What's the pipe do the pipe makes you cough the weed So when you do a bomb hit you cough, right? So when you cough When you cough look your asshole opens up Cough right now Yeah

So by the time you go It just so if Elvis had coughed he'd be don't he'd be alive. I don't know if I was sort of cough I'm just telling you this is how cheeseburgers with peanut butter This is how Joey Diaz does it. You got a friend. No, listen, man. I'll try it. I don't like pushing either I believe that's how you get a heart attack. That's how gg died of the soprano. Yeah And that's how Elvis died But someone told me that people find people dead on like cops That's the most common place to find people dead when they

Like people look neighbors will complain this apartment stinks. So bust in finding guys sitting on the toilet I hope I don't die in the toilet. Yeah, I hope I don't die taking like a mule shit They gotta take me off and I got dirty ass The interns got well don't you don't you shit when you died on you to shit? You have one last fart left in you I'll never forget when my mom died. I picked up an arm and she had one last fart left of it And it came out of her ass. It's not like a skunk died to the fucking stomach. I swear to god I'm not really trying to be cute. Yeah when my mom died before the ambulance got that I was trying to revive her

What was it and you had she was a heart attack, but you always have that last gas in you That's why they do stuff during the not the autopsy but the uh The when they prep you for the funeral, yeah, they do something so that last fart won't come out of you because it's hard Well, they do just I don't know they do something. They do something. I don't know You know, I hung out with a guy that did that as a living And all my years with him like the mortuary the mortuary business. I me and him got down. We talked about everything But it was like on it's unethical to talk about what you do during not the autopsy but the other Procedure what do they do the embalming? Yeah, well a buddy of mine did that one. They break your spine. They break your spine

So you don't pop up Huh, what? Yeah, because you have you have those muscles still left in your body like in Cuba when you died They didn't have no embalming fluid They just put your living room in a fucking homemade casket and they buried you when you started stinking So my mother would tell me you'd go to these fucking places and all of a sudden the cadaver would just pop up And you got to break his back to get him down like sometimes an arm comes up Why why does it come up because it's like a mortis or whatever?

It's the last tensions of your muscle So your arm like they always say don't hit your mother if you hit your mother your hand will pop up And they have to break it to bury you like I heard my buddy told me one time That when he was a kid an arm did pop up and they pretty much had a fucking break it Huh The buddy of mine was doing that you know has that job he was telling me Years ago. He was doing it to some dude and the dude And you know you see the dude naked obviously when you're doing it. He said dude had

Fuck me tattooed on the head of his dick. Oh my god That's always great. That's not something you want to see The guy would fuck you on his dick. Yeah, but then that that tattoo's got to hurt That's got to be one of the worst jobs in the world is finding death Yeah, that's a horrible place to put your mind after a while It's got to get to you. You gotta pick up bodies all day. Like I used to pick up bodies with him Sometimes like, you know, he was my buddy like that. Like he would go just to help him out. You mean like he would go What are you doing? No, let's take a ride

And we go to canada airport and fucking smoke a number And pick up a body off a plane like when they're taking the luggage out they let you go all the way back there And after the luggage get tossed off the bodies come off So as people were raised in my area, but hadn't moved to florida to retire and they died and they flying back I can't tell you how many runs we made when I go pick up a body with him to freak you out Yes and no Yes and no to a degree. I learned how to deal with it But i'm not supposed to be around that stuff like I couldn't be around that stuff constantly. It's uh

Well, when I go to wakes, it's terrible. Yeah, I try not to I don't like I don't like no that shit I can't do it no more. I thought anyone last week. I opened up a facebook page. I one of my dearest friends Had a post it said a life change forever that her mother died And I just broke down at the fucking computer because I know What she was feeling like I called her up. I said flowers, you know, that's the least I could do But at this age, I can't go to a wake. I can't walk in the wake There's no fucking way It brings back too many fucking I went to 20 wakes my first fucking 25 years of life. I'm done with wakes

I went to enough wakes like I'm done I'll go to a cemetery. In fact, I don't even after the last the last thing I went. I started a fist fight Like that's how I'll speak. What do you mean? That's how emotional I get The last memorial I went to that's why I didn't go to mitzsche shores because I knew I would have fucking gotten to a fight Why do you get in fights? Because I just get confused. It brings me back to being a kid As they say a good funeral. There's always gotta be a fight For it to be a good funeral is gotta be an argument. Yeah, you're with me. Yeah, I'm into a few funerals When my mother died

I thought they were like it was like five days of just confusion Because there were Cuban people and the Cuban funeral parlor where they had my mother was open 24 hours In his jersey, right? Jersey. It was west New York, New Jersey Rivero funeral parlor. That's still there, but a different owner This guy was friends with my father in Cuba And he he came to me after I had already booked my mother in the funeral parlor. He came to me and he goes He can't do that. He goes, I owe you a father a favor Let me have her in the funeral. It was a fucking four day wake 24 hours so me my uncle and my mother's best friend had to cover ships

You know and you didn't how old were you 16? Yeah, that's two you'd never stay and I had a friend that died in the eighth grade And then a year after my mother another buddy for me from that same class that lived two doors down for me died So I went to three heartbreak and wakes And then in high school a girl got into a car accident You know all those little fucking wakes And one day I was like I ain't going to wakes no more because it takes me out of the game for three days It brings me back to me being there

At that fucking wake for four days, you know That's gotta be a tough time for a family and you gotta go deal with like I remember having to go to And identify my mother and then my aunt's like where's her earrings the fucking intern stole The emt stole her diamond earrings Jesus, you know and then there was drama there So my aunt was like a spicy Cuban woman. She wanted to talk to the emt and smack the fuck out of them then That then we had a switch funerals and then there was drama with my stepfather And then they put the wrong dress on my mother. So the lady choked the funeral director

During the fucking wake dog. You heard during the way. Yeah, and then fucking during the wake I'll never forget this. There was a scene during my mother's wake We were in the fucking like in the parlor And people are bringing bottles of booze in Like people are bringing bottles of booze to bury my mother with the pinch. That's what she drank pinch And the owner was like people I'm going to lose my license You can't fucking bring booze in here. Is that a Cuban thing that happens to you? Yeah, like you bury them with whatever coke a fucking Cuban sandwich, whatever you want to bury them with

And I'll never forget that Rivera the funeral director was in the hallway Telling like my aunt my you know What the rules were like he can't have booze here And before he'd get the words out one of my mother's friends on nardo. That was a bookie went in his pocket Took out. I don't know how much it was like hundreds and he just put it And all of a sudden you can have booze in the guy's pocket And the guy was like, I can't take your money and he goes. I don't give a fuck

And the two doors opened and our nardo's brother And one of his buddies was carrying not like a regular cooler But one of those long coolers filled with beers and they just walked past the guy. I remember sitting there going And then and they stopped and asked them where were they going to put the beers and the guy's like You can't have beer in a funeral parlor to lose my license. They didn't give a fuck And then they started drinking and they started playing dominoes Then they started snorting Seriously, ah once they would start snorting I'd have to leave

These cubans are crazy and you're 16 during 16. Is this every cuban funeral? Is it like a party? No, but they they take that there's some cubans who go back to the old school And they take a 24 hour wake for two or three days And it's 24 hours. That means when that that after wheel walker Gets off stage in LA And has his 15 drinks and there's 20 bumps he can go stop buying pay respects So you show up with a bottle and the grandma blow and they would I get there at 8 in the morning There'd be 20 people that snorting and drinking around my mother and shit like that

Drink them for the night before What's the meaning of that tradition? I don't understand just it's a party It that they don't want it to be sad. It's a celebration. See that that I kind of like I guess it's a celebration And they don't want it to be like a fuck but I'm just thinking about being 16 I don't know that I would want a party, you know, I didn't want a fucking party I just wanted to bury this poor woman. She had gone through hell And all sudden they were just laying all these things on me. They went to a church ceremony and I just was just I was like do whatever the fuck you want

Just exhausting. I'm trying to figure out what the fuck I'm gonna do with my life and your motherfucker isn't Asking me stupid questions like what color shoes. I don't fucking know You know what I'm saying? Like I I just didn't want to hear it. Like I I was just numb for five days It was just a lot of interactions. You have a lot of people you haven't seen People talk to you people pull you aside, you know, it was those wakes are just a fucking nightmare, man I don't wish anybody to go through that stuff Like when people call me over the last 10 years, I've had a couple of my friends call me and go. Hey, man For a couple years. I didn't like you but I lost the parent

And I see when I'm going through and now I understand you a lot better huh I can't imagine being 16 and going through what I'm going through at 40 I Can't imagine. I just got a whole yeah, I can't I can't imagine going through. Yeah, it was terrible. It was terrible It was terrible when I think about it. I write about it. It comes out black and white Like that part of my life. You think there was like some not to get too deep But like some trauma there that you were dealing with ever since then

Absolutely, I think that's what the drugs came from Uh, I was already that's let's not let's not blame the fucking drugs You know what I'm saying, everybody blames drugs on something. I was already on my way. All right I remember being in the hospital and they scraped my lung And I wasn't doing blow then but I was snorting angel dust. I was THC crystal THC. What do you mean scrape your lungs? I had a lung infection Paraguay from them spraying chemicals on weed to kill it and the dealers were still selling it. So a bunch of people got sick I would spit blood pure blood. I had a lung infection

And while they couldn't figure out what it was So they were like, we're gonna scrape your lung and I still remember just the sound of that doesn't sound Yes, what they do is they they they put you out And they put a tube down your throat and they take a sample Of your lung a little piece of your lung and they put in the micro fucking Scope and they see what's going on. You know, by the time you wake up you cough a little bit There's a tube and what did say what did say that it is right now. I just had some type of infection But I was scared that the doctor was gonna say in front of my mother. Did you do fucking angel dust? So

I was already on what age was that 16 15. Okay By 12 I was already smoking dope. See that's I was not doing and and I enjoyed it In fact, every time I hear bohemian rhapsody I giggled my ass off Because I still remember smoking a joint between like eight of us and going to blimpy base On like 33rd and union city and that song was on and when he was on mama mia mama mia We fucking lost it. We just lost it in there giggling the management had to come over and throw us out

That type of shit and then we would just smoke. I was an athlete So I didn't want it to get out. So I would just smoke With the downtown crew The crew from my neighbor we would smoke. So you already loved weed at 12 I didn't had to hide it from my mother. I had to hide it from but you're saying you started pretty Not heavy once a week. It was like a fucking ceremony On friday, but you knew you liked it. Oh, we would have a blast How can you not like giggling for five fucking hours when you're 12?

Giggling uncontrollably giggling then fucking eating And then having to put vizine in your eyes and banaca And fucking have to walk. See mate when I was a little kid and I didn't smoke weed. I always got paranoid. I didn't like it No, I loved it. I liked it better than alcohol. I'll tell you that I didn't like the feeling alcohol Alcohol always gave me this trapped feeling marijuana Gave me this other feeling that I discovered marijuana music

Well, yeah, well, that's the thing we got me too. That was it by the time I was 14 I was done Once once the first time you smoked weed and put on those headphones and changed your fucking life Yeah, you know, I was telling Lee that I bought dark side of the moon on vinyl a couple weeks ago I came in here one night. I just at the house. It was 9 30 Everybody was in bed. I go I'm gonna sit here like a book. Let me at least go get some ant And I came to your office and I must have done my six bomb hits And I put that dark side of the moon on it took me back

And I still remember going with this kid named Vinnie Lynch that looked just like Mick Jagger God bless his soul. He just died about four years ago He took me to like a reservoir And we took like a hit of acid and we drank like we split like a six-pack authentic I must have been freshman year in high school And I went home and that acid started fucking hitting me. We were walking hard And I still remember laying in bed listening to The other side of dark side of the moon

Like money and that shit money with the computer And boy, I started tripping. I had Julia serving poster I had a McDonald's all-american team poster on my wall But the poster that had that was the weirdest There was a Led Zeppelin picture that was going around, but it was backwards So they said that poster would be a collector's item. They only made like 200 of them. It's probably bullshit. There's probably a thousand But there's a Led Zeppelin poster from the 70s. It's backwards

John bombs playing the different ways you mean left-handed you mean everybody's different because it was it's fucking crazy And that poster started talking to me and shit And I closed my eyes. I prayed to God the next you know, I woke up the next morning and I had puked I'd puke all over my shirt and I had a piece of gum that I had in my mouth stuck on my shoulder from the gum from the Yeah, I took mushrooms once and I swear to God that I had a nirvana poster I swear Kurt Cobain was talking to me. I mean, I still in this to this day. I can picture it in my head I can picture him his mouth moving from the poster And then I still held out for coke

I did the thc crystal, but the drug I was hooked on the most was microdot acid That was the one that was from 15 To about 16 and a half. I was on a fucking 17 I was on a tear with microdot acid. I had I would give one hit to people I would buy him for 90 cents a piece and sell them for three dollars I would go to East Drowsburg, Pennsylvania and pick him up on the weekends. How far is that? I don't know that area like two two and a half hours from where I lived

And I just saw the kid on facebook that used to drive me after all these years He just popped up on facebook and I haven't even friend of him yet He's gonna facebook fucked up man. It does sometimes it brings up good memories. Sometimes. No, this kid was a great kid Yeah, this kid had no reason To even take me there. He liked me. He trusted me. It was two years older than I was he had a driver's license I didn't And I would buy shit from him and it was overwhelming And one day he just said won't you just fucking sell it yourself because you're killing me

I was killing killing, you know, I knew how to get rid of and my school people would show up and play hooky and take acid And then they go buy beers and go to Hudson county park and they trip and shit like that every day. I had 10 girls playing hooky I had these little group of hippie chicks dirty white chicks and I would sell it mescaline every fucking day Were you making decent money off? I was making two two 90 a fuck two thousand ten cents a hit And I was selling three four hundred hits a week plus. I was selling black beauties I was getting black. You're making you're making a full-time living doing that full-time living working at a lumberyard robbing with three hands from the lumberyard You understand me. I mean robbing them blind in the lumberyard and at the same time

And I would get these black beauties that would make you go crazy with diet pills But heavy doing diet pills. That's why they call them black beauties I would get a thousand for thirty five hours But the wrestlers that had to make weight I would sell them a hundred for thirty five hours The profit was unbelievable. Guess how much I sold one for a dollar A dollar and I'd sell a hundred a day on dollars

So as soon as I got a thousand I had four or five wrestlers that would buy A hundred from me. So that covered my thirty five and I'd make like a hundred dollars and then the rest was a dollar a piece 12 for ten dollars. I would fucking sell those things. I was getting those for thirty five cents a piece I'll tell you what man you you really you're you've changed turn your life around, huh? I knew how to hustle. I knew at an early age. Do you think that hustling has helped you in comedy? Fuck yeah and help this type of hustle. It's called ingenuity. It's called. I didn't want to work I had a central network of people I could sell drugs to I didn't have to go outside that boundary I didn't have to go on a corner and wait for a d age to pull me over

When I picked up something it was three quarters sold. I wouldn't pick it up So I wouldn't lose any money. So another hot thing for me was kwayloons kwayloons were a hot jack Hot see you would pay. Do you see what you see wolf of wall street? Yes. I fucking love that. See, yeah I'm I was bummed. I'm too old or too young. I mean for all kwayloons. Well the hottest drug ever From 78 77 to about 83 A fucking kwayloon was top-notch. I never what it hasn't make you feel top-notch Like 10 valiums and two shots of whiskey

Just that fucking chill and girls and they used to and girls knew they called them leg spreaders Girls knew like I would pick kichi up and say let's go for a ride. What are we doing? I don't know. I was thinking let's split up a kwayloon And girls knew like girls knew what time it was And some girls would fight it out and some girls would pass the fuck out But everybody knew what a kwayloon did to you that was the they were money makers because on a Friday night They went like that I'd pick up 200 kwayloons. I'd pick up 100 kwayloons for 200 hours at four o'clock

And by six o'clock I'd be cleaned up I'd make 200 bucks because I'd sell them for four At that age, that's all right. I would sell 200 on a Friday night and keep 10 of them for myself And me and my friends would eat two or three and when I built my tolerance up to them and then what happened was People started making them at home So you would have to look at them and see if they smell lemon wrong Like some people would smell lemon with two m's These dumb fucks

So the two pharmaceutical companies that made them were rora r o r e r And lemon which was l e m o n Those were the what was in the fake ones They weren't the fake ones were stronger than the fucking real ones Because it was just a young kid putting shit in a fucking thing But probably me was was it good shit? I mean, it's probably bad for you, right or not I ate a thousand real kwayloons and then I ate a thousand bad kwayloons

It's kind of like we one night with the kwayloon. I got real aod with kwayloons at joe luci's house I'm gonna see joe luci this weekend then west palm beach Florida Yeah, I'm playing west palm beach And if he tells this and if he comes I'm gonna tell this story. There's two guys that's supposed to come Louis Castellito And I could tell an hour Upstories of louis in the room. Louie. Louie knows that we saw some shit growing up And that kid joe luci he would always have a pre-party for any concert

So any concert master square garden you could count on joe luci tapping can't get four in the afternoon So you would go to his house before Get fucked up till seven jump on the train and go to master square garden And when I spoke to him a couple weeks ago, we were talking about Ted Nugent acdc and he goes I got you beat December 6 1976. It was monday night football the kwayloon browns beat whatever he goes. I went to see Ted Nugent opened up for sabbath Fuck man. That's how good his memory was like that's how good like yeah, I wish I saw sabbath reunion tour But I wish I'd fucking see him in the day. Let me tell you something man

I was you know got me hooked re hooked on sabbath dean. Don't write Dean's a great dude these albums that sabbath put up over the last couple of years They're not too fucking shabby. No, they're not bad. They're not they're not shabby. They're fucking still kicking ass for fucking whatever they are this Tony, I don't mean I'm surprised. I heard a song the other day on Ozzie's bone yard. I had to run home and put it on I was blown away No, I heard I saw him on like a tour a few years ago, but problem was Ozzie couldn't sing We 60 something. I know but they said he's had a ghost singer for years

Well, that's what I told that's what someone says said that there's someone behind the stage singing for him That's what I've heard and I'm like, well, he took that fucking night off, man It'll do that people of ghost singers. That's what that I mean joy and I heard the same story. So it must be true Ghost singers and lip syncing the lip syncing. Okay, you know Britney Spears Jennifer Lopez Janet Jackson anybody who moves a lot when they started tour Bro, and I know this because I went to the University of Colorado I took a music course and the guy who did Janet Jackson's tour did a speech one day and I went just went

You know And he was talking about when Janet Jackson the tour starts 85 percent of the tour is lip syncing. I'm not crazy because of her cardio That before Janet Jackson would go on the road in the 90s and early 2000s She would have to train for eight weeks And even that wasn't enough because you have no one can dance like then Yeah, you have the lights and this and that and the adrenaline. So she goes It so in the beginning of the tour no matter how much training you put in eight weeks six weeks 12 weeks The first you want to know the Aussie the Aussie story I heard

You know how he always pours bucket of water over here. So what I heard was again I'm all won't say who told me because I don't know I don't I don't give up my sources is that he he pisses his pants on stage because he's so old And they kept trying to figure out diapers and shit. They couldn't figure out what to put them in So how about just dump fucking water on your head? And then you'll be fucking soaking wet you piss your pants. No one can fucking tell That's crazy. That's what he does. That's what that's what I heard at least When you were growing up when I was growing up

Like if you look at a picture archie bunker He was 46 years old He looked like he was fucking 90. Oh, yeah I mean, how old was Elvis when he died? Like you you think about it now. He was 42 Someone was I was listening to blood on the tracks the other day, you know, which is When you think of old bob dillon. He was 33 You know, it's crazy. Remember the traveling will berries all those old guys look up their ages, man It's crazy. They're like all late 30s except for the one guy had to be old royavers. Yeah, he was all right

Well, I don't know. Well, maybe but not but not as old as you think No, but he was already old, you know, listen to the longevity factor. I did not think I just saw a video Mick Jagger rehearsing in his living room. Did you see that video? No, but he's still he's still 72 years old Still fucking I heard they're making a new record. Yeah. Yeah, he don't give a fuck. You know him. He's money hungry as fuck He's a genius that guy, but he's 72 and he's still moving He's still having kids Oh, yeah, you don't give a fuck. He just knocks you up and he's richards can still fucking play teach you I love me. I want to be with you, but those who do this. I'll give you a million dollars

I'll see the kid once a year and I'll come over and get on all fours because it's all over. I'm like you pussy I'm fire when I get over there. That's what he does all over the country. He's 70 all over the world All over the world. You think he's do you think he's taking Viagra? He's taking everything. They know for a fact. He does testosterone Really? Yeah, I think all those guys to I asked the doctor one time What was his biggest customers? Actors music actors or bodybuilders and he goes my biggest customers My musicians the musicians that you see today

That's how they keep going out And working three nights, you know black Sabbaths can't do it every night They could do three shows in a week. Yeah, and that's it What's the testosterone? What's it do it? I mean it just keeps you I don't know how it works I don't know how the testosterone affects you. It keeps you moving to make you stronger You know, I don't know exactly what the components. I'll tell you what make jack I mean, it looks like he's in great fucking shape. You know keys riches looks like a bushead But I guarantee you'll do a tour

He still hasn't to do it. Well, I saw a funny quote from willing else in the other days That said something about you know, you kids got to take care of the planet because we need a you know Don't you know, don't fuck up the planet because you got to leave it in good shape for me and keith richards How old is willy nelson? I think 80 something. He's still going. He just had the festival in austin it's I think these guys I don't they just don't know how to I mean paul mccartney looks like a kid, but he's he's fucking

Oh, oh my god. Paul mccartney looks like a fucking kid. He's touring right. He was in what's he what's he's gotta be He's gotta be almost 80, right? Willie nelson's 85 and what's paul mccartney 85 And what's remember? I mean not he was pretty recently just living to 85 was a big deal much less fucking touring He's 76 who? Uh paul mccartney. Yeah paul paul was the young beetle. That's why 70 fucking six Dude picture willy nelson 85. You remember your My grandparents at 85. No, they could be still smoking dope. Tell me he's still. Oh, yeah

But imagine he's lives on a tour bus. He tours at 80 fucking five It's gotta be listen, it's in your eight When you're a musician, especially I think that the day you stop playing music is the day you die I think so too. Well, that's that's why I always say no one retired nobody retires. Yeah another that's shit Well people put on their retirement tour and they come back out like a week later Like I can't imagine not having a sense of humor after I retire Yeah, like I'll need my sense of humor and then someone's gonna say you want to do friday night and then you'll do it I'll be in an old folks home doing friday night on our ranch

I don't give a fuck making old ladies get dressed up asking them about their monkey You know, he'll be in our race night with uncle joe. He's still 83 Fall to sleep on stage wearing a wig. Yeah, my people tell me I'll say I want joe open up my show and they'll say You can't do what he's 84. Then I'll call you myself. Yeah, I have lee with a teleprompter Give me fucking signs in the back because he'll still be my fucking boy when I'm fucking 80 He'll still be my dog. He'll be about fucking that's what that's my goal in music. I want that teleprompter I don't know why it's just I get You know, sometimes you get too into it and you forget your lyrics. I want I mean

I don't need it now, but it would would be nice just to have that thing Well, is it harder as a musician just because like we're talking about all these me all these rock stars And it's not enough to just remember the music like you you have to Look like you're having fun like there's like you have to perform Think about lily listen and like it's any day above 50 you're having fun Like you've made a constant note that you already made it to 50 So the shit that used to bother me like the news and politics you're already having fun Think about being a musician

having two great albums your breakup Remember they used to have that show on vh1. Where are they now? Oh behind the music? Yeah No, no, but where are they now? We would show these guys had number one albums and they're paying houses now and shit Yeah, think about being 58 Living on a small fixed income and getting the call and saying we're putting the band back together But what are you talking about? I'm sitting at home with a grandchild. Fuck all that Fuck all that's trying to drink some whiskey. Well, I can have a few drinks. That's how it starts So well, they always say, you know, they pay you to they don't pay you for the shows. They pay you to travel

Yeah, you know just getting out of the house just I can't imagine being 70 And still being relevant Can you imagine being 70 and still doing one casino every month? I mean you paid 100 hours to go see that fucking pervert bill Cosby down in san diego There was four fucking years ago before I knew he was a pervert. Yeah, you knew the hotel and I told you No, you told you told me that's why you told me not to go anywhere

I told you not to go down there and hang out with to give that fucking mutt a hundred dollars even before that I told you but you went to see him and he remember you did an hour or two Do you like two and a half hours? If I'm 70 And somebody wants to give me five grand to go do a fucking show It was early two at five p.m. I'll jerk off all over myself To not have to depend on social security. I could pull off a show in two a month And get crazy and have a shot at the keel and pass out uncle joey. I could fucking do that shit for five or ten grand

You know, it's not every week. I don't think I do it. I saw Rodney in his 60s And he was having a rough time already like he was When did he die Rodney Rodney died in 2004? And see how old he was I did that movie with him like in 2000 Back by midnight So he died in 2004 like october 5th of 2004. Yeah, he looked at it was fucking friday. It was his anniversary and he was Doesn't say hold on. He was born in 71. No, he was not born 21 21. I'm sorry 21. He's already got a deal with 21 so I made him 79 plus fucking

four What's 79 plus four 80 fucking three 83. Yeah, he was 83. I did a movie with him when he was 81 And it was a disaster like you had to read the lines for him You had to yell the lines. He would come in and there's no shit where you had to hold the fucking no You would read the line to him. He would go live and The chick would say what the fuck is this fat speck doing in my chair and he would go What the fuck was fat speck doing in my chair beautiful Rodney take five and he would go sit down for 10 minutes Fall asleep and then get up. He was still smoking weed

Really and he was still walking around with a robe on with his nuts out Going to wear out, you know all that shit. I love all that craziness What did like was he making good money for that movie? I'm not sure I'm not I didn't but he needed it. Do you understand me? It's like a fucking Lenin skin it called It's like the it's like the the Lenin skin and band the original called you tomorrow And said you were going on the road with them doping up. Do you really give a fuck about anything? No, I was just happy to be in a Rodney movie

I was happy to walk in a room And to get accepted by one of my fucking idols when he goes just we gave the roll away, but just show up tomorrow Let's see what's going on And I went in and he goes your name's gonna be jojo I'll tell you what you're gonna do and he would put me in different scenes and then I would go at my work How did you know him back? No, I knew nobody I knew nobody I was at the store on a saturday night And these guys were talking to me and we started talking and they go and the guy told me who he was And then he was one of uh, he was casting a fucking Rodney movie and I didn't say two words

That's Rodney danger field. That's a different league economy. I'm not in that fucking league And like a week later. I got an audition to go down to sunset across the street from the From that fucking strip club on sunset by the comedy store Just a little casting office and then I went in there Rodney was in there with the dude and the casting lady And I just saw Rodney and I didn't know what to say Do you want him or do you want me? Because I want you I just I didn't know what to say And I read the roll as funny as I could

And he shook my hand like talked to him for a little while and I walked out and I was like, I was good with that Just meeting the guy I was pretty happy with that and my agent called me because listen, he gave the roll away But he found a lot of you just wanted you to show up that they'll come up with something for you It's great. It's crazy that he was even at the audition. So for eight days in those days those people used to be in the audition. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, and you wouldn't know it till you got there To really put a kink in the game. It's something they call you and they said, you know Like the first time that happened to me

I read for someone a thursday And friday they called me back from monday morning at 10 and I hosted at the store that night and got fucked up I did like that liquid shit. What's that liquid shit you drinking you get fucked up ghp ghp and I snorted coke and I ate some pills and I woke up at nine in the morning Thank god. I knew my lines verbatim And they read you on western boulevard, which is a shitty neighborhood western and sunset There's a shitty neighbor. There's a little building in there. That's what the callbacks were And I remember walking in and billy guardel was there

And I shook billy's hand. What's going on? There was some other guy in there. There was three fat fucks And all of a sudden billy went in when he came out. He was fucking pale And I go howdy goni. It was great and I walked into the room And it was gas van zen travolta On a monday morning When you hungover on fucking ghp and fucking coke and god knows what else Travolta, were you aware of this? This had to be 2002 2001

I was green as can be and what what year did you move out here? Yeah 97 I wasn't ready for this movie, but they were looking for one stand-up comedian They liked me and billy so much that they said why can't he just tour with two fucking comedians? So I walked into the room. I read with travolta. I laughed at him a little bit And I laughed at gus van zen. It was a monday And that monday night the store I was there and they told me gus van zen was there to see me I was like god damn So gus van zen showed the fuck up to watch. I wonder what this movie was. It was called the jimmy roselli story

All right, it was about a guy from hoboken, new jersey a singer That's sinatra hated and black bolt And he was way better than sinatra because sinatra Asked him to sing in his mother's birthday party And he refused so sinatra said you ain't working anyway my phrase and the guy wasn't allowed to work only at strip clubs and With comics so he would sing a song in between comics And they wouldn't even the sinatra put the hammer on him so bad that the guy couldn't even go

So sinatra could do I mean he was he was yeah, he was mobbed up. Yeah this time He was just so jimmy roselli would go around hoboken selling the cars out of the trunk of his car And people go jimmy close the trunk. You're embarrassing us selling albums out of the back of your car So the movie was set We didn't get it off for yet. It wasn't uh It was uh, I I read maybe one other time I read for travolta. I read for gus van zen Then they called me and again and we read for the producers

And then my manager called me and he goes It's you and gardell. They just haven't made it official yet You're probably here within the next week. So I went to miami to do comedy And while I was in miami my manager called me because you're bad news Travolta scratch the film. He's doing that movie about Scientology battlefield galactic. Oh whatever the fuck it was so I lost that role to fucking well, you didn't lose the the role never even happened. No, that's why when you said that

Showtime did that that happens all the time. Listen. Yeah, do you know how many people I know in this town? They got a half a million dollars in the late 90s from a network a half a million dollars. I would take the I mean a half a million dollars And their show wouldn't get picked up Just to sit around just to sit around get a show run and come up with an idea then they decide they don't want the show When I did bronx county, they put three million into the fucking pilot. They played no no no no no no They paid the director two million dollars More than bronx county was a pilot and it was going to be directed by the guy that directed that he was a

He was a big time director and he acted to in fact He played the doctor when he played the intern on the Sopranos Remember the final year was johnny sack was in the hospital the guy that kept changing the sheets and shit That was the director that was supposed to direct bronx county. It was cbs's answer the nypd blue Shot a pilot fucking advertising. They told me it couldn't miss Then we got a call in there didn't get picked up. Yeah, that's always had hate when people came miss. There's no There's no doubt. That's anything for the people not knowing. I I had a deal to make a wheeler concert movie with showtime I signed the fucking deal

and they just called like Eight months ago said we ain't doing it. I said well, I have a contract says that I says it says you are like, you know, it's like What are you gonna do? You can't make us make it. I was like, that's what pissed me so off so much It's just like then what the fuck my what's it? What's a contract worth? You know, but I know it happens all the time I'm still it's just still it's fucking bullshit. You know, I tell people it's so hard To get all the stars in place to get something done. Oh, yeah, I love when people say yeah, we'll write a script It's a fucking mind fuck. It's a minefield

And when somebody gets something done when you really ask them, was it all worth it? They'll tell you that The movie was great and it was a great experience. But after they all had it up, they made six They made 832 an hour Oh, yeah, I mean all the work they put in the two years of sweat Right when my first album when my first album came out and debuted in the top 10 of the billboard on the billboard country Charts, I was like old enough to at least old enough to go. You know what? Let's enjoy this for a second. You know It's an independent album It's fucking can't be played on the radio because of the nasty language

I was I was finally old enough to know like to stop complaining for a few seconds, you know Because it's so hard you get those things so few times in your life, you know, if ever, you know I mean how I was thinking about, you know, every time you fly out of Nashville You've been you've been Nashville quite a bit and you go to that fucking there's like a tootsies in the airport And you know, it's like my all my reminder reminder I go there and there's a guy playing in a fucking airport bar at fucking eight in the morning and it's just a reminder, you know, like I'm on the road weekends. Oh, you know, it just makes me appreciate it, you know

to to I see this. I mean I try, you know, you try not to I don't I'm not saying I bitch you complain But occasionally I will bitch you complain then I go there's a guy playing for fucking six bucks and an airport tootsies And I'm flying out to LA to do a show, you know With fucking filthy songs, you know It's so weird that it didn't it took me to be nine. It took me about nine years in comedy to become humble

Yeah And it's such a big step It's such a big hurdle to overcome. It's such a big hurdle to overcome To understand that even if I'm a country musician I don't compete with you. We're allies Do you know what I'm saying? There's no reason to hate I can't if I look at the top 10 and I see that You made it and I didn't I can't be angry at you. Yeah. Well, I'm with you. I used to do that

So there's so many parts of there used to be I would be I would It would used to in the old days. Let's say my album came out a number I didn't have it but if my album would come at a number nine I was pissed at those other eight people But now I'm just I can actually enjoy it, which is I think that's what you're saying just the fucking maturity of just, you know The maturity of an artist is very important because

The worst thing you could do is think about what people around you were doing Kevin Hart said something a couple weeks ago and I retweeted because he hit it right on the nose I remember being that person I could I'm big enough to admit to everybody in this room that up to 2000 Because of who I was surrounding myself with at the store The certain type of comic I had around me It's not that I was complaining

It was that I was angry and frustrated Because I felt I wasn't getting what other people were getting and that's normal reaction to life If you're working at fucking Trader Joe's Let's just be honest. We're working on Trader Joe's and you're in charge of produce You are the one that checks the lemons and the pineapples and all that shit and all of a sudden there's a job for A control of six of the supermarkets and you're more highly qualified and you don't get it You're frustrated. I don't care what individual. Yeah, you'll see it for what it is. You'll throw salt on the matter

It wasn't meant to be but for a day or two you're frustrated and every once in a while You'll think about it and you'll get frustrated and in time you'll realize that God didn't put in your path for a reason If that happens in comedy that must happen in music. Oh, yeah all the time. You just you get it It's like You got a you know when I just I just made my new record, you know I'm listening back to it and I have to just enjoy Enjoy the the creation I made and not think about where is it going to fucking laying on the charts? Is it going to not sell like my is it going to sell more than the last two?

You know you just never know but it does like you said it's being humbles like the is the key to it. I think humble is the whole thing Yeah, it's waking up in the morning Not worrying about what lees got I can't worry about what lees got. I can't worry about what jarogan has. I can't worry about what Anybody has I got to worry about what I don't have well the other thing too is there's gonna there's gonna be There's always gonna be someone bigger than you no matter what you do This can't be a competition. Yeah has to be A grooming of allies helping your allies. I was very fortunate when I got here

That I made allies and you know, listen, I just got a call from this fucking restaurant They need a comic on saturday night. It pays 75 bucks. I can't do it But I gave him your name and number, you know how many times that happens Just because you're a good person just because you call people with gigs felipe sparse is a comic that one last comic standing I could look you in the eye and tell you for years that guy helped feed me For years. He always had a room once a week. They'll all those mexicans had a room somewhere If they didn't have it, they'd find it like I would call felipe and go you have anything this week brah I have nothing give me an hour fool. There's a gig in those central that pays 400 a piece

You know, and there you are saturday night on your way to san diego to central, you know Things just work out, but you have to go over that humble That humble thing and really well, it's also I've also found it's hard with nowadays with information Like I could go on my phone right now and look at charts right now and drive myself crazy It's all in your hand and drives. You got to stop looking at that shit. Listen There's a podcast chart on iTunes Yeah And for a while I would look at it and one day I finally realized

Why am I looking at that chart? It doesn't matter from number one It doesn't matter from number 100 what matters is that I'm consistent And I know that I'm doing the best podcast I could do everything else will come later As long as you're consistent you show up to the dance And you get out what you have to say that's the most important thing. I don't look at numbers I never looked at numbers. I don't want to be a part of numbers. I don't want that To to be part of who I am, you know when I got here I'll never forget somebody coming up to me going. How can you be number 33 of all latino comics?

Doesn't that bother you and I'm like, no That just makes me stronger You know, I don't even think about that. They had like a latino Uh top comics guy that I was like buried. I was like 34 out of 50 And people like you've been in movies. Aren't you mad at that? Not really I'm out here surviving If once you start worrying about that shit once you buy into that shit That's when you go downhill. Yeah, no, I've seen it with my friend my friends

Who checked that the the charts on their phone when they're fucking driving, you know It's like it hasn't changed in the past fucking five minutes You gotta you just gotta move on you just gotta make the best music best comedy whatever it is you can make and then Enjoy the work, you know, you know, it's funny. I shot a special for netflix comes out the 30th October 30th. I'm not happy with it. Why not? Because I'm not the person I am now Like it was so weird. My head was fucked up. I bought it. Do me a favor. We'll open this fucking door and let li's fly out

Before I kill this fucking thing again Because li's got like 12 flies. I don't even see a fly. He's been flying around the last four fucking minutes And he's annoying me because you bring these fucking flies in all the time. It's the hummus man. It's a fucking hummus neck No explain. Well, when'd you shoot this? I'm curious. I shot this june 4th And in my heart, I just didn't feel Like I just do you think that's you being too hard on yourself or no What do you think it was? I just wasn't feeling what I'm feeling now. I got too much in my head But it's still, you know, like you were talking before it's all press and it's good press, right?

You're doing a certain type of fucking music right now. Yeah You're doing uh This r-rated country, which I think is fucking brilliant. I love it Thanks, man. What happens if tomorrow you wake up and start listening to Leonard skin it in the morning And by four o'clock you look at your girlfriend or you can look at me and you go, you know what? This is what I intentionally went out to do in the beginning And I'm going away from it with this raunchy shit Let me get back to that and all of a sudden you put out one of those albums and it doesn't work

Because you got away from your original idea. You're not letting skin it. Sorry. Yeah. No, you're fucking your your wheel of walker Yeah, I know I wish you follow me. Oh, yeah. Yeah before that special something happened to my head That I wanted to show the people I could write or whatever the fucking was and it didn't pan out for me Instead of being Joey Diaz. I became somebody I tried to be somebody else. Did you are you saying you did it clean? You mean? No, no, no, no, no. I didn't do it clean I just it was something that did not let me be myself. I don't know what it was No matter how hard to describe it to me like in like content wise. What was different about it? Because I had you open for me and you fucking killed everybody my heart wasn't in it my heart and my head

And my soul were not connected that night When you do comedy all those things have to be connected And I think because it was commercialized or maybe because I choked I just don't know what it was From the time I got off the fucking planet just didn't feel right From the time I it's like when I told you the other day when Conor McGregor was just sitting on the floor Thinking about all the things he did wrong over the last two years. That's what you're thinking about when you get beat up I remember getting on the plane the next day and it all coming to me Like I was so disappointed with my performance on both shows

Like I was forgetting material missing beats And missing shit that I would do just as a professional. I know to do I missed it. I missed the marks in certain points I just didn't It was nobody to blame but me But here's the question for you if if this comes out and people just tell you how fucking awesome It is you think it'll change your perception of that. No, I don't listen to people Okay, I've never been one because you're gonna be exposed to a lot of new people who are probably gonna love it. I love

You know when you suck wheeler Oh, yeah, you know, yeah when you go up on stage And this guy missed his chord the drum is fucking slipping You're slipping. Well, I that that's different when I it's different when I fuck up. That's when I get pissed But when you and then you get on stage, what do people tell you man? That was the best performance I ever seen in my life and you're like, yeah, whatever So you start doubting you're like these fucking liars. You know what I'm saying? Like you're a fucking liar. Just tell me I bombed the name of bag of dick and we'd be just as good

I don't listen to that stuff. Like I don't well. I think it's good to not especially nowadays Like I said with the fucking I could if I wanted to right now I could read a thousand people telling me that I fucking suck on the internet It's just it's just not worth listening. Listen, you're not the thing that makes this world so special Is that we all don't like vanilla ice cream? We all don't like vanilla ice cream Can you imagine if we all loved vanilla ice cream? You know when you put on November rain, it's the first video that hit over two million fucking hits

It also has 200,000 dislikes Go ahead put go look at I guarantee you there's people there's people listen to stairway to heaven go I don't know go look at blow up the outside world by sound guard It's got one point something million hits and a hundred thousand thumbs down That thank god Not everybody likes bad motor finger Not everybody likes me not everybody likes you and that's what's great about this Yeah, I mean to go around if I if I made these kind of albums and everyone liked me. That's what I knew I'd be in trouble. Yeah

Yeah, the sound guard and blow up the outside world that one Yeah has eight and a half million views 40 42,000 likes and 1.1 thousand dislikes One point 1,000 people said that 1100. Yeah, 1100 people in life blow up the outside world Yeah, well, I mean but bad mode motor finger. You can't make a better record. No, but my point is it's not about records you know, it's about Fucking you're not gonna like everything I looked at a Beatles song that was on there one night and it had like, you know 100,000 dislikes It was like a stupid Beatles song. I don't know what the fucking song was happiness is a warm gun

Or whatever the fuck it was. That's a great song. Yeah, I think it's a great song So that's what makes us special that we all know people people don't forget people protested the Beatles Elvis tried to get them banned. Did you know that I didn't know that yeah Elvis saw them, you know Like you said everyone even what they're at the top. They're always looking down Elvis saw them as because Elvis was the king. He saw them as a threat and tried to get them banned from America He's like, I know I know a way to stay the number one Don't let him in the fucking country. He tried to get them banned

The Beatles didn't know about it till they they broke up years later But yeah, he was like even at being at the top. He didn't give a she didn't want any fucking competition I read the zeppelin book the hammer of the gods. Yeah There's a chapter in there where fucking Led Zeppelin was I think they were playing in Memphis and they got a call That fucking Elvis wanted to see him and they went to Elvis's house and Elvis introduced him to Lisa Marie and the baby and

They fucking they talked and I think him and jimmy page trade watches They traded watches. He told me he was a fan of theirs. So I don't know I don't know. I know he was a fan of Led Zeppelin Well, I mean, I he you know, he was I think he was friendly and they were the kings Oh, yeah, but I think this was right, you know, it was competition time I was the first it was the first artist that actually challenged him At the on the charts. I think is what what did it? By the way, I heard I heard a great, uh Elvis story, which is so I recorded my new record that's coming out in November at

rca studio a Which is where Dolly recorded Jolyne? Whalen recorded there Elvis recorded there. I mean all the big boys is probably the, you know, one of the great studios left in America and someone was telling me a story about how Elvis had just met Lisa Marie and she wanted to see him record a song um with the he had it was doing a big one was big with the orchestra and everything and um He went impress her but he'd already recorded the song

So he so he told he told the engineer producer in the band. He goes this girl really likes coming in So let's just pretend. Let's just because the producer goes we nailed it yesterday We don't have to do it again. He goes no, no, no, let's just Elvis go play it pretend like we're playing it. We'll just play the track lip sync basically And then and you guys just you just follow my lead and Lisa Marie comes in and Elvis goes, you know He's lip syncing a song they recorded the fucking day before he goes like telling the bass player No, no player like this and telling like the the violin player No, no like as if he's running the show

Which he wasn't the day they recorded the producers running the show He's trying to impress her they just so he recreated the whole fucking in this studio where I recorded my new record He recreated the whole song as if they were recording it then to impress Lisa Marie when you walk into these studios They tell you the history of this Does something happen to you? Oh, yeah, you feel you feel it. You feel it You're just like first of all, I mean your first gut instinct is what the fuck am I doing here? and your second instinct is like there is Like rooms do have like a soul, you know, like you can feel

Um, you know Waylon in there you really believe that I do I do I think I believe it too I think studio. I don't think I mean not just regular. I don't think like my parents bedroom does but I think Recording studios. I mean chet Atkins built this studio For the everly brothers back in the day, you know, this is a historic studio the studio next door to it is a museum And this is a still a working studio, you know So just to you know Just to know i'm i'm standing where Elvis stood and singing it's just it's going to affect your performance No matter what you no matter what you think, you know

I was watching something the guy was talking about like being in the room where Somebody recorded. I don't know what the fuck it was and touching the walls and feeling the energy And I believe that with some comedy clubs that you probably yeah And you could smell the comedy in the air like you're like i'm gonna do okay tonight That's the thing too with these old studios is they don't really redo them And it's you got it's like the same floor. It's the same walls. It's the same whatever, you know, it's just like Waylon really stood here Elvis sat in this fucking Chair or on this on it walked up these stairs or whatever it is, you know

So I think that history when you walk like whenever I walk in a place and I look at the walls And I see who else performed there like I don't know what I feel I feel like I don't even want to think about it. Well, yeah, record recording recording Recording music is just like a lost art form the act of knowing where to put the microphones only because everything's so fucking computer Lee probably knows about I think so computerized and sampled so to get a good drum sound and know how to mic it and shit Like those those good rooms that were drums like we're we're John bottom sounded so fucking good

Those rooms don't exist anymore because they tore them down to build a fucking kmart or whatever, you know So when you find a when you get into a room like that it really, you know, you hear the drums the way fucking, you know you know When you when you're staying in the room where dolly heard the playback of joe laine and goes, you know, that's the take It's it does something to you. I think Now it's very historic. I like like performing at the comm you store knowing that Richard used to perform on that fuck. Yeah, that would that I think that would be the one

I mean because he was that was like when I first realized that I realized Especially coming from jersey. I'll bet. I mean, especially me. Yeah come from Kentucky if I've known that I was gonna You know, especially coming from anywhere. Yeah Coming from anywhere if you're a female singer from minneapolis I don't want to send you on a stage and they said that this is the same stage fucking Madonna did like a virgin it does something to you coming from anywhere, you know When you walk into a room that somebody else was there that was famous or whatever And there you are. You're like, Jesus fucking Christ. Maybe I'm halfway here

You know, that's what you think that you're halfway there. You're like, maybe I'm halfway here You mean that that's what I always think about like when I was standing like I said where I was standing where Elvis used to sing I was like thinking about back to when I was playing my My friend's garage, you know and trying to get a decent fucking recording. It's like how the fuck did I get here? just You know the whole journey it all comes it affects the performance too. I probably affects your performance on stage at the comedy store I think about like before I go on stage. I get anxiety. Yeah, but a good anxiety. It's a good anxiety It's the fuel inside of me

And sometimes I'll go snap out of it, you know Richard Pryor was in here or Keneson was in here on a grandma blow And he pulled it off. You could pull this off, you know I always think of Keneson when I go down there And I think Richard Pryor and I think of Paul Mooney when I go down there And that's what I think of you know, I think of those things before I go on stage And it calms me down and you know what? I mean, I'm I'm not uh, the I'm not the you obviously a comedy guru, but I watched the old Richard Pryor and I to me that could have come out today

You know The problem what's going on today is Specials Are being shot You read Keith Richards book Yeah, he did the chapter on live albums. Yeah, why people don't make live albums no more because Technology took over so much that we can't make a live album no more They have forgotten how to wire drums

Yeah, well that also there's why make a live album when they're lip syncing. Yeah, they don't know they don't know anything You know, when you watch uh, Lenny bruce special from the 60s. Why is that special? That camera don't move That camera has Lenny from three inches above his knee to two inches above his head And six inches from every shoulder. That's it. Well nowadays I go on netflix and there's every fucking There's 800 comedy specials. I don't know what the fuck you don't see a guy laughing going back You don't see the back of the studio

You don't see the long shot It's focused on Lenny. Yeah, you know Somewhere along the line That feeling went away. They wanted to start getting side shots And behind you shots and all those shots are great, but to me it takes away At least from my thing what I do. I can't do on tape I've noticed it that I'm better live than when I'm tape. It that's why for years. I would never send my tape

Way before any of this shit happened. I wouldn't send my tape. Yeah Unless you saw me at the store Live and you came up to me and said, hey, I want you to play my club I wouldn't play your club If it meant sending you well Dylan still says that he goes the albums were just blueprints He goes to only if you want to hear those songs the only way that they were meant they were meant to be played live They were meant they were not meant to be recorded He's like they were recorded because that's how that was the best of business and I have to make records

But he's like you want to hear the song come. I mean not now, but he can barely fucking sing anymore But all his songs he says they were made They were constructed to be performed, you know, it's crazy how They've just gotten crazier and crazier with the specials. I'm what realms of the special issue And I've always believed just to keep so when you're doing that special You don't have no fucking say you can tell him maybe fucking time. They don't give a fuck But did it come to you and tell you how they got this camera with a hinge on it? I don't want the camera with the hinge on it. I want one fucking guy with a camera straight ahead

Taping six inches up like I just told you but they don't listen Because everybody wants that shot of the cigarette in the ashtray. It's fucking out on guard. That's not what I'm about So for years like in 2004 a trend started in this town That even the industry didn't want to come on see you there was a time you call an agent go. Hey, man We look how you doing joey dears. Hey, I heard of you. What's going on? Nothing man. I'm doing shut the commies store tonight at 10 o'clock. I just wanted you to invite you to come see That was great people at least come down and then tell you call the next day and they go Ah, you were a little rough on me. I don't know what I could do with you

Then it got to the point where they would tell you send me a tape and I go no You're in Beverly Hills Come watch me. I got to that point like I got to that point early 2003 I was like, I'm not sending no tapes. I think in my whole 27 career 27 year career I think I just think I sent out three tapes and one of them didn't have anything on it I just wanted to fuck with the guy and he gave me the job Because when you go get paid in the comedy room, you'll see that the the guy that's paying you behind them There's a thousand tapes with dust on

They don't want those tapes That are you well I did that too because now after the success of the first two records Some of the bigger record labels came along. They're like, you only want to meet with you. So come on down to a show Never fucking yeah, no fucking show You know led zeppelin got lied to atlantic got signed to atlantic And they never saw a land thing atlantic never saw ledger I believe and they got if you read the fucking the man who led zeppelin the peter grand book Yeah, atlantic sound signed zeppelin without saying them gave him a huge advance bonus and

Gave him points that were never heard of In the music industry at that time read that book by peter grand. Oh, I want the big giant manager Yeah, I mean I mean like I was just saying and I mean after the success the first two records all these big labels were Coming out and they were they wanted me to meet. I'm like, what the fuck am I gonna meet you for? I'm having success. Yeah, I'm with my own label. I'm with how much money can you give me? You can't give me There's no there's no way I make I don't want to give numbers, but you know 90 of my album sales you can't You're gonna what are you gonna do get me on the radio? You can't say fuck on the radio. It's wasting my goddamn time

So they would say but you're on serious, right? Like I'm on serious. Yeah, somebody said they heard you on serious. You're on. Oh, yeah, I mean you're still fucking good I'm still you're halfway there But nowadays I got but even you got serious you got youtube you got spotify They don't need I don't need a fucking record label and that record label is going to spend a million dollars on fucking advertising I don't want and they're and then they're my first million dollars is fucking gone Just do it myself. Yeah, I don't need those fuckers That's what the beauty about today is yeah that if you're a real musician

and you really Just want to get your music out you get it out. You can't if it's good. You want to be a fucking star I know you have a different plan. That's not your plan But if you love what you do, but if you want to be a star, you got to go with the big label I just want to make a I just want to make music and make a living. I can do it. Yeah, that's it. That's it. But if you I mean listen There's both ways you go with a label or you can put your own shit out today is what I'm saying It's not what it was 20 years ago

And now what it was nobody's holding you back anymore. There's no reason to hold you back Your music is that good fucking get a youtube video and let's go if it's that good people Yeah, get on a fucking camera 20 years ago. I mean no you couldn't you couldn't do shit you needed the label you needed the label But now you don't need it. So I think about comedy. I think about what the internet has done with comedy And how comedy central now nobody even watches it Because number one they got lied to for 20 years. They didn't give us the best comedians that were out there They gave us what they thought they gave us the ones that had to look

The one that had the tattoo the one that had the funny haircut They didn't give you the pound per pound funny people. So you lost credibility over the years I sit here sometimes at night and i'm listening to The cars or whatever the fuck i'm listening to b-52s and i'm digging what i'm listening to but i'm also thinking about How about all the good bands? I never got a chance to listen to it because A label in the side Well, but you and I are more but the difference is too is like you and I um We seek out this stuff most fans just only watch what mtv plays, you know, what the radio plays

So you and I at least seek out fucking, you know Iggy pop or whatever it is or the fucking black Sabbath I haven't listened to everything. Yeah If I don't like it if I don't play the fucking videos I don't like it. It's like broccoli. I don't like it. I'm 55. I really know I don't like it I don't get out of your marinated with ginger sauce. I don't care if you put pussy juice on it I don't like fucking broccoli. Okay, and I at this age. I know what I like and what I don't like and let me tell you something I've when I was Before I was 16 17

I was very partial To music When I moved to colorado was when I let my mind wander and that was the best thing I ever did I listened to everything I could Yeah, you told me last time that you didn't really dig the Beatles at first. No growing up, you know I didn't dig the Beatles. I didn't dig the Beatles the same reason why I like Bruce Springsteen too many people like them Yeah, it drove me crazy. See I've stopped I've stopped doing that because my thing is I don't want to base my decision I want to listen to

On other people Whether it's a big crowd or a small listen 50% of people have to assume listen to music their friends listen to And say it's great just to fit it. Yeah 50% of people I saw it growing up I saw it growing up to be cool. You got to be in a concert, whatever 50% can tell you what the fuck they gonna listen to and what the fuck they don't want to listen to and they don't give a Fuck Whether your feelings get hurt or not, you know, Jim Florentine sat across from me You don't know how many parties we went into me. My buddies just took the fucking jukebox and threw springsteen out of there

We don't want to hear springsteen in jersey Living in jersey nor the new jersey. We don't give we don't want to hear no fucking springsteen You better put black Sabbath on that motherfucker. You know beetle fans Always held the trump card for years. Yeah, I mean it's different for me because I was yeah, you could Up to 79 you couldn't win an argument Bro van halen's first down have you heard it fucking tremendous eruption Eddie van halen's great, but there was always one asshole that would go Wait till the beetles get back together

And he trumped you you're like you're right Wait till the beetles get back together. I'm fucked when John Lennon got shot People were jumping up and down the streets because of the fucking beetle fans because they didn't want to hear that no For nine years all they heard was beetle fans going. Yeah, Led Zeppelin's good, but wait till the beetles get back together Wait, is that really what they said all the time. There were just idiots that were walking around And I like the beetles like I like to help that was the only early shit I liked then from revolution on Whatever that a revolver Yeah, revolvers and they went to india and hung out with the hindu and they did acid

They went fucking bananas. They all started wearing sandals and playing that fucking guitar It's a tar. Yeah, then they did the fucking album with the stone. So a lot of people don't know about They did like a cold album Uh, fuck Jimmy Page is on that album. Oh, yeah, I know the live thing. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no This is 66 67 In fact, you know who gave me the cd eddie bought it for me at eddie called me one day from uh,

omiba And he goes What do you need anything and I said see if they got that and he found if the 999 almost jumped out the building I don't even know what you're talking about. There's a stone out Fuck. I can't wake my buddy up. He's an engineer There's a stone out a stones album Uh One hit is that the name of the song? No, that's 19 fucking in 90

or 94 try uh the wind The peaceful city type in peaceful city with a capital rolling stone. See what you get If you look at The one that said when the Beatles put the one with the p out and everybody thought Paul McCarthy was dead now You know all about that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. They were playing with white people worse than kind of McGregor was They were telling people that fucking Paul McCartney was dead and still releasing albums They walked across the street barefoot at abbey road, which meant that they buried you in a casket barefoot All of them had shoes on except paul. They were doing some

Fucking with some fucking people But that one album, what did it come up with? No, uh, could it be just a shout away peace love and tragedy? No, no, no, no, no, no Nothing for the rolling. Are you a youtube? I'm on go on youtube. Oh, okay. This is what I'm fucking talking about We're looking about music and he's fucking googling Now we're gonna hear this shit now for an hour Walk around the peaceful city something like that Rolling stones with a capital r has capital r lv the god no

The beast of burden no No, that's shit. I'll find it on my own and let report back to the commissioner. Yeah, we're out. There's a weird out They have it's the stones jimmy page played on it A couple people play that I think fucking John Lennon played on it And it's got some great fucking like two or three great stone songs and nobody knows about this album It's a main the shade Nobody knows about main the shade one of their best sounds by the start. I never listened to that one. Yeah, I mean, I know if I don't

main the shade is fucking Main the shade is one of those albums that nobody knows about I thought I had it here It's a grateful that sound That nobody just they slipped it in there Now I can't remember the name of this song. It's gonna keep me up all fucking night. But anyway That's what I think about now. I think about as a comic That yeah, I got to listen to Leonard skinning. I got to listen to molly hatching. I got to listen to fucking Led Zeppelin Did you see skinny love you? No, no, no, no, no, no, no

They were about an hour and I could lie to you and tell you I had tickets for the garden My friend steve villa who I would call For this fucking song. He went he had tickets For letting skin and Ted Nugent at the garden right before they were and they were about to switch them anyway Remember last time I was here you played me skinner to open up for the stones and they fucking slaughtered them Yeah, and then did you watch the documentary? I thought it was great. Yeah. Yeah Well, when they said they they beat the stones up and they walked on the tongue Yeah, when they walked on that said that was the one rule right mentally don't walk on the tongue

And they beat the fuck out of the stones. It's pretty interesting. I love all this I love when you drop by with the Elvis stories Yeah, I mean just the south and shit like that. So you're where Friday night. You're in Tampa when Thursday night at land this Thursday Friday night Tampa Saturday West Palm Beach So we're on the west Palm Beach same night, right? I'm in west Palm Friday and saturday. Okay, so saturday if I get done early

I just call me because we were we just missed each other somewhere else also. Yeah, I forget what somebody did not Nashville somebody said You talked to Philly Somewhere the last couple weeks. I was in Philly, Boston Yeah, I was just in Philly. So it was you were in Philly. Well, I was no, I was in Pittsburgh I think I can't remember nowadays probably happens to you. I don't even know where the so you're going out just with your band Or just kid Rockford right now Um, we do both go to wikipedia and look up Rolling Stones out. That's the easiest way to find it That's the easiest way and I'll tell you the name of this fucking album

It's the most obscure album and it's got two songs in it. They're the fucking phenomenal What year do you think it was 66? It's a stuff but it's credit to the stones. Yeah aftermath. No, give me my glasses Out of our heads give me the fucking computer. Get out of the way. God damn it No, I'm looking enough keep going Are these albums Get away. All right. Keep going. There you go. Hold on. Keep going All right, the one album that I'm talking about that they all did together. Keep going

keep going There's satanic Oh, there's satanic majesty's request. Yeah, keep going. Is that what you're talking about? No, that's one album. Keep going keep going Keep going keep going don't Yeah, it doesn't even come out as a stones out. That's how fucking Keep going the other way down because the other way if some girls it's only rock and roll go Ted soon Some girls grave record some girls. It's the best they have beggars banquet between the buttons aftermath

Keep going out of our heads Keep going 12.5. That's it. Yeah, the first one. Yeah. No, can I give you a couple underrated stones record? Black and blue is really good tremendous out one of my all-time favorites emotional rescue under this and you know what else I used to run to Every fucking day when I got out of the prison was the one that came out with an 81 uh Tattoo you Tattoo you that's a great one too. That's a great fucking out neighbors and all that shit on the lot

There's I mean the stones up until like steel wheels. They were fucking great. Remember that's like that steel wheels I didn't like that. Still wheels was 91 something like that. Yeah, when they were they between a rock and a hard place Yeah, that's yeah. Yeah, that's it. Listen, man 30 fucking years you're gonna have a couple bed nights. Oh, exactly. I mean, you know, you're gonna have a couple bed nights Listen, I got I'm not you're not gonna hear me arguing about the Rolling Stones. You know, I mean when you put out 20 great albums. What do you got none left in the tank? It's done left in the tank and they're still listen You know watching these older guys go out now. I never dreamed when I was a kid. This wasn't happening. Yeah Yeah, you had Kenny Rogers, you know with the white hair

but to think that Guns and roses, you know, and they're not even old they're in their 50s They're not even old and I heard they sound great. I didn't see them. I saw I listened to the The show from the forum. My neighbor is Is slads? Slashes godmother she calls them Saul. Oh, yeah And she invited me they had a box and I was just I think we did a podcast and when I went home that night I listened to the last concert from Sirius

What I had paid if I would have paid 600 for those tickets. I would have been pissed The last key she was with me Because they didn't work to me. I didn't want to pay six for four. Well, yeah, there's a no Carried the whole fuck ain't no show worth $600. Yeah slash carried the whole fucking concert Slash was fucking phenomenal. I remember I paid 20 bucks to see nirvana. I'm like, is it really worth 20? I mean the member of those old days was I paid 15 to see Prince Sheila E and nucleus It's gonna be tough to get me to lift the rock for fucking I paid 15 50 for pink floyd the wall the first night It's gonna be tough to get uncle joey to fucking lift the rock

For three bills. It's just tough. It just doesn't equate to me. I'm with you man. It's and I love bands. I love music, you know Uh, it just doesn't fucking equate to me. So I just there's no no show worth 600 fucking bucks I think, you know, a couple years ago two years ago cat Stevens did the whatever theater Tickets were 300 fucking dollars That means I take a date as a civilian that's 600 600 take a date dinner all that show me. That's a great. It's better be a few Hell of a fucking night. Yeah So, you know, I I see it, but I don't see it

I see the value for the nostalgia You know, these bands are going on on the weekends these black bands from the 80s They do like 22 bands each band does three songs, you know, I'm so into you Fucking kid and play those tickets are like 60 bucks Everybody makes a fucking living Yeah, and that's what I dug about kid rocked at a tour a few years ago where every seat in the place was $20 And you can you can make a lot of money if you sell 20 000 tickets to 20 bucks But it's not listen you go around the corner here on Lancashire. There's a place a health food place

You go in there you pay $10 for an acai bowl Okay, it's a good acai bowl, but it's 10 bucks. You're not paying for the acai bowl. You're basically paying for the guy's rent Somebody told me if you sell out the garden At like 69 95 tickets You walk away with a hundred grand It's not a lot of money when you pay the guard you get you got to pay union dues You got to pay everybody and they're they're they think they're doing you the thing. Yeah, so like people think that when you play the garden You walk out of there with two million fucking dollars

Unless your tickets are 300 400 dollars, then you may you know, billy joe does the residency there But if you didn't show at the garden for 60 bucks and sold it out 18,000 people after the house charges And the union well, I was gonna I was gonna go see elton's doing his farewell tour in Nashville Two tickets 500 it was for two tickets 500 bucks. I go I'm gonna have to tell him farewell some other time. I'll go home and put on fucking The album with fucking it's a little bit funny or it's goodbye yellow brick road. Yeah, please I took a hit of acid and committed to go see pink Floyd or Roger Waters And I wasn't going to dollar over 200

Me and Ari and Chris Neff went all the way down there And me and Ari are Jews to the end. We looked at each other. We're like we're not paying 300 Is that you talk about people selling outside? Yeah, that's a true story Me and Ari took a hit of blood acid before the baby was born and we took the train right from here and Lankish him and we went downtown. We ended up getting so high We went to what's the place that has the roast beef dip that everybody talks about? Phelps Yeah, we went into phelps and we ordered food and we're too high to eat it

We just looked at each other about private better money spent in the we went We took a train back to my house and we watched some movie on HBO and everybody left that one We're tripping our balls off. I just can't see it. I just can't see it I just don't want to see it if you pay one time. You know, you go to a sporting event I'm not thinking about me. I'm thinking about you your wife and your kid $50 to park to go to a rams game and you got to walk a mile and a half I walk a mile and a half. I'm not paying To get that that's just ridiculous

You know, the prices of tickets are insane across the board For any sporting event, you know, I'm not thinking about me. I'm not thinking about brev pit I'm not I'm thinking about the guy that works 60 hours a week to support. Yeah, that's what I I've spent a lot of time I'm making sure my ticket prices are down on my on my own fucking fight with them every week my my own shows I can I will never go to fox woods again I'll never go to fox woods. I don't know what that is fox woods a country is a theater. I just played in boston. You know why? It's a 16 dollar surcharge when you buy a ticket. No, yeah, that's crazy. I don't see a dollar of that So you don't make enough money. You're gonna charge 16 fucking dollars. So that means my tickets are 27 plus 16

That's not what I'm about. Yeah, I put my tickets at a certain price So the blue collar guy could come when I see these people charging 35 and 69. That's great That's great, but you're pricing yourself out. I'm with you man. I always want I don't need to make that money I don't need to do it. I don't I want you. I thought I thought a year ago Was that when I thought when they they started charging making my tickets over 15 dollars like oh, I'm not worth it It's not worth it yet And then they just you know, but then the fees come in all of a sudden Probably kill you with fees. That's not fair to us as the artist. We don't see

A dollar of that fee plus you're selling drinks, bitch And you're selling food and you're getting money at the door. I got a percentage of it. What the fuck are you? You know, when does it end? So you're taking a percentage you're taking the restaurant and now you're charging the poor fucking kid 16 dollars to download a fucking ticket I can't do business. You know what I used to do for a while. So I asked now after the the fox woods. I asked now What's the service charge and what's all the bullshit if it's too much I don't want to be you don't give me 50% of it Then charge whatever the fuck you want, but if you're not gonna give me a taste of it

This goes in your pocket I'm not I don't know if they do that for I guess comedians merch isn't as big a deal But what they do they take a piece of my t-shirt take a piece everybody's but you I you might start doing I start playing places I would go before the show go bring me the man. I want to talk to the manager. I go. Here's the deal What do you take from of my merch they usually they sometimes they go 10 20% And I go here's the deal if I break the bar record tonight. I ain't paying it He shakes my hand And at the end of the night they count up the bar and I go you ever made this much money from alcohol

And he goes no, it's a new bar record. I go that I'm taking my money. I'm getting the fuck out of here First of all There's a lot of money in merch That's another thing I overstep. I don't want to bring merch I'm happy that you paid the 25 just together. Yeah, come in my music. You got it. Yeah I also want you to come over to me and shake my hand And tell me you listen to the podcast. Tell me that I sucked I see people that won't walk over because they're embarrassed because they don't want to pay $20 for a t-shirt

I don't ever want that to be the feeling in between these and the people that come see me I'd rather go out there take a picture for free And shake your hand even if you come up to me tell me the podcast sucks and I suck I'd rather that than have a t-shirt in front of me. Number two, it takes away from my focus in between shows I got to talk to more people and I don't want to do that I want to be focused for both shows. I don't want to worry about an extra large shirt Go looking for a 2xl. I don't want to do that. That's not what I get. I'm not a salesman. I'm a comic When I was snorting coke and I was a dirty fiend. I didn't sell nothing

I'm not going to start selling shit now I create a level a playing field that's level. I don't pay for nothing absorbed Nothing out of my range. I don't expect you to read I know what I'm worth And sometimes I cut my own throat by not charging a lot, but I know what I'm worth I want you to be able to come see me instead of you going Jesus because I think about it Even when they say $35, I'm thinking 70 fucking dollars That's without drinks. That's without ysushi. That's without the ubers. That's without the babysitter

So I fight album price all the time too because I tune sells them for 999. I go It's a fucking file. I go give it make it 599 make it 799, you know, I got them on that What do we got them on payloads $2? Yeah I've always believed that The art firm comes first and the money comes second Once you put that order, that's where it all goes down ship And that's what these agents try to do to you They want you to put the money before the art

I make three times more money if I play cops and I play the punchline. Where do I play lee punchline? I'm not gonna give you a good show at cops Yeah, I know it's none of your business the difference, but it's substantial And I refuse to do it because the first thing on my list because unlike most people you give a fucking shit No I was giving a fuck too much And now I don't give a fuck on stage But I still give a fuck about the family we've created

I don't want to insult anybody when I come to your restaurant I'll pay whatever you want me to pay, but I'm the right. I'm stupid like there's a place in in hollywood that they saw hot dogs I'm a fat fuck. This is 20 years ago. I love hot dogs I remember taking my wife there one day on a date and she said to me I go, how good was that fucking hot dog? She goes It was pretty good, but two hot dogs a lemonade and fries $28 And I didn't even dawn on me. I was like, holy shit I was 14 apiece

for a hot dog Fries and a lemon there used to be a donor. Yeah I'm never going there again, and I never went back in there even though they did have the best fucking chili You know, you know, which places this is in holly. I don't even think they're still there They had this bavarian be a chili out there put on the hot dogs or raw onions Your dick would just squirt when you So as you've been to the hot dog, you dick would just go And you feel well that's this hot dog to me. That's where to me. That's $14

Let me tell you something the lemonade was handmade It wasn't that fucking minute made shit. Well any hot dog that makes me just my pants. I'll pay fucking 30 French fries were waffle fries And they give you with alioli mustard like this red shit. Lee, you have no idea It was the whole of the fat fuck and I avoided it because it was $14 for There's a place in sea, hey, you just woke up Lee with that story And we're doing another bong and after this there's a place in seaside park, New Jersey used to go to Down the block from my brother's house

They gave you 10 separate hot dogs loaded for $20 Lee, do you know how we go? That's the first thing I do. I go down and get 10 for 10 What do you do with 10 hot dogs? I guess you I bring them back. I look at them I investigate what's in them. What do you think I do wheeler walker? You eat 10 hot dog right there standing there Two at a time in front of the guy with two cans of coke 24 bucks and a $10 tip because the fucking chili was tremendous today You can't eat 10 hot dogs motherfucker I'll I'll take that skinny chinese guy and I'll take his ass

I want to see for I want to see you. Let me tell you something. I can't not anymore, but I could go You give me 200 300 milligrams of edibles and I start for three or four hours I'll have a hot dog. I'll have a fucking hot dog eating contest. I'll eat that fucking That chinese kid and I won't dump the bread in the fucking water. I fucking That's one thing I could fuck up some hot dogs jack when I was a kid. That's how I built my immune system When I came from cuba, I believed the more hot dogs you ate the more american you were So I would eat hot dogs every fucking opportunity I get in those days They weren't arab selling hot dogs or regular white people a little dirty with dirty fingers and no gloves

You could see when they get your hot dog out of the water the oil would slip from their fingers I didn't give a fuck. That's who I am today. That's why my life is 55 There's those dirty water dogs in jersey made with that Hudson river water You can still see like a little chicken bone floating in there. They just got the water from the river Yeah, fuck. Yeah, what do you think the tap water is from waiting that comes from the glaciers and buffalo It's tap water from fucking jersey city that glows in the dark You put water on a night leaving your bathtub. You walk in in the middle. No, you don't have to turn the light on You just fucking pee from the light that comes from the fucking water

I think people in jersey got cancer from the water. I remember being in coney island as a little kid dog Talk about traumatized like if you take if you all go home tonight and get a notebook And write about the things that really traumatized you like to be really honest with you think about that What would like that lady that said that? Cavanaugh showed him this dick and I ran right away. You gotta tell me what was the dick What was it? Do you have a spot on or whatever? Really is showing you a man's dick really that traumatizing I mean, I saw a guy jerking off one time in the park. It didn't affect me at all

What are you talking about? We got about six. I saw a guy jerking off in the park one day me and my buddy threw rocks at him and shit We we went we played Portland about a month ago and the dude jacked off outside of the show No, he didn't yeah, he jacked off and I didn't see him the band rest the band saw it. I said Man, I said I tweeted out. I said if he's in jail, man, I'll bail him out I go my show is good enough for him to jack off If you want to jack off after my show just don't do it in front of me, but if you want to do it outside, I'm down Like I don't like jacking off outside would see that I don't like checking off outside either, but

Sometimes I'm not saying I was excited. I was just saying it's like it made me feel good that I played a good show We're getting the fuck out of here wheel of walk. I love you that I love you too, man I was straight seeing you. I'll be back here and uh Um, I'm sorry couldn't do the tour with you that I was already confirmed But I can't cancel Portland again. They would fucking kill me. No We'll do another one. We'll do another one. We got big things. I'm making it. I'll make I'm gonna make an annual thing We'll do it every year. We'll fucking fucking fucking figure something out. But how much fun do we have with those shows? Leave a great dog. We're fucking when I told when I asked

Fucko at the novo theater if he brought us harmonic of the porn guy. Oh god. Yeah. Oh my god He goes no, I forgot it. And also he ripped it out and he started playing it Yeah, I got it. I got a no Ron Jeremy rule now on my show No, you gotta have my no he stinks too bad. Does he really his body odor? What do you does he look like he smells good? I don't I don't smell people I avoid smelling I look at Lee. I can tell he's got body odor. So I don't know I don't What do you think the flies follow you they follow you? I'm here. I never have flies. But if I think if I don't smell like one Jeremy, I know your neck

There's some wang to it. Somebody tell me that your neck. No, they don't Wait, there's no my neck. I'll smell your fucking neck. Somebody said they smelled your neck at the fourth wall It's not like fucking Hindu feet. I'll tell you right now. Leap smells better than Ron Jeremy I can promise you that you smell Ron Jeremy. Oh, I've still smelled and he had wang to him I mean he smelled he didn't it wasn't wang. It was just like was it old man? It was it was old. It was like old pussy. Yeah, it's like 70 like post each from the 70s. Oh God, that's terrible. Yeah That's terrible. He started showing up on my gigs and I actually said said this I was talking to kid

You had a bunch of people at the noble team. You had Greg Garcia from my name is Earl He went to see a bunch of people went to yeah, it was a good time People reached out to me the next day. They're like, were you fucking surprises? We didn't know you were gonna be there Right when Greg Garcia fucking told me he was there nearly fucking fellow. He stopped backstage too. By the way So if you're listening come to the show Back at the noble. I don't I wish I knew the date, but it's end of november. Just come come check it out Yeah, you're in LA. Well, listen, whenever this motherfucker's in town, you should be going in to him and saying hello He's family with the fucking church and he's earned his fucking right and pre-order my new record

Please pre-order his new record. Well, how can they pre-order it dog itunes in any of those places? Okay, pre-order. When does it get released? What's the release called ww3 and what is the release date? I think november 30th Okay, so you got some time now the day before is the day you're in LA the 29th is Yes, it'll be a record release releases. I'm playing la 29th. Yeah. What night is that? Uh, Thursday. Yeah, I'm out of fucking here. I tell that's a bum. Well, if you were in town I would have made you go. Well, you know what man tweet it and I'll tweet it out for you and we'll figure it out I love you. We will walk and by the way, sorry about that rolling that rolling stone thing that you thought was me on the cover Yes, you know who did that who our buddy mickey. Yeah, mickey clan did that. Yeah, that bad motherfucker. Yeah

That tricked me. I was so happy for you. I called you I'm like, he's on the cover. No, and I missed a call and then I see you on the podcast talking about how I was too big for you Yeah, I'm like, I'm like, I didn't miss your call. I was like, motherfucker, then call me back. You should have been If you get on rolling stone, I'm the first call you make to your mother Well, I didn't wasn't on wrong because I'll come out here and talk shit about you these on rolling stone Fuckers decked all you fucking no, I think I was I think I was on tour and I did that a coming combing your hand trimming Your fucking toenails and fucking that was that was about 30% Photoshop that was tremendous. Yeah, you had me. I love you. I love you too, man. Thanks again

Don't forget for the release date november 30th and his show in LA at the noble theater on the 29th And where can they find all your fucking stuff? Just go to my website wheel walker jr.com. That's it. It's that's it All right, I want to thank wheel walker again for stopping in but most importantly. I want to thank you motherfuckers. Don't forget This weekend friday and saturday west palm beach improv 730 and 930 930 saturday sold out You got options. You understand you got options I'd rather you come early and you go home early. Well, you do what the fuck you want to do But anyway in two weeks from now on the 25th. I'm in her laboratories

In cleveland with my man george motherfucking perez I got thursday two shows friday and two shows saturday I'll see you motherfuckers that I can't wait to get a pastrami sandwich But anyway, forget the pastrami sandwich for a minute. The show is brought to you by my book Let me talk to you about my book here, right? Watching football is fun. But like I told you in the beginning of the podcast It's a lot more fun when you bet on the goddamn games Guys, you've heard me talk about this for weeks and some of yous are still on the sidelines

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I Want to be around To pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart Some somebody twice as smart as I I Somebody who Will swear to be true as you used to do with me Who'll leave you to learn that misery loves company

See Wait and see I mean I want to be around To see how he does it when he breaks your heart two bits Let's see if the puzzle fits So fine Oh And that's when I'll discover that revenge is sweet

As I sit there a plod from a front row seat When somebody breaks your heart like you Like you Uh