Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #626 - Michael Bisping and Luis J. Gomez

Episode Date: October 16, 2018

Michael Bisping, former UFC champion and actor, and Luis J. Gomez, comedian and the head of the Gas Digital podcast network, host the "Believe You Me" podcast together and join Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio.  This podcast is brought to you by:  Hims - Go to ForHims.com/joey for $20 off your first month of the hims anti-aging kit.   MyBookie.com -  Use code promo Church to get up to a 100% match on your first deposit up to $1,000.   Blue Apron: Go to blueapron.com/JOEY to get your first THREE meals for free.    Recorded live on 10/15/18.  

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That's forhims.com slash Joey. Again, forhims.com slash Joey. The church is also brought to you by family, my bookie, all right? Listen, watching football is fun in the UFC and the NBA's right around the corner. Who gives a fuck, all right? You wanna sit there with a bunch of guys

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Who's better than Uncle Joey? Nobody, that's promo code church. You play, you win, you get paid. Kick that motherfucking muley. Oh shit. Who's day, the 16th of October, you bad motherfuckers. So, October, Uncle Joey, bitch. My image inside is my attitude heavy.

I'll take you out with both things that I've done. I drop the crowds and whenever I'm ready, I go putt. Here we go. Little Michael Piss me. What's up Joey? My man Gomez. Oh shit, the great Joey Diaz, Lee Syed, the Christ killer. Hit it.

Notice me, motherfuckers, that's what everybody's thinking nowadays. We're in studio with my man Gomez, I like the name Lewis Gomez, but I like the name Gomez better. It brings me back to my Adam's family. You know if you're speaking about him, he likes and he always corrects me on it. It's J Gomez. Lewis J Gomez, but that's Joey Diaz. Which is a little bit wanker-ish, I'm just going to throw it out there.

And fucking former world champion and just great all-around guy, Mr. Michael Bisbing. Congratulations, thank you. It's a pleasure to be here Joey, pleasure. It's fucking great to have you both in the studio. It's exciting man. It's been a long time coming. We've talked about doing this show a few times now and we're able to make this one happen, which is great because you're the best.

You guys do your show once a week? Well it used to be once a week, believe you me, but lately it's been twice a week. We keep calling it a bonus episode, but I'm retired these days. I don't have much to do. I'm like, fuck it, let's do another show. Yeah. Oh yeah, it's a bonus episode. You know, life's going nowhere when I've got doing five bonus episodes a week.

Yeah, it's like really it's just you want to hang, you want to talk to a friend, which you have to call it a bonus episode. Those are just alone in Orange County. Exactly, no friends. How old are you now, Mike? 39. You're beautiful. You look great.

God bless you. Thank you, I appreciate that. Thank you very much. You're happy to be retired? Very much so. Very much, yeah. I mean, I spoke about it on our show, you know, I definitely went out on my own terms, but you know, a lot of injuries over the years, I still feel like I could definitely

compete. In fact, I know I can, but you've got things going on, busy, you know, so yeah, you can't do it forever. My wife wanted me to retire for years, you know, she wanted me to retire a long time ago, but yeah, yeah, very happy with it. You look great, man. God bless you. You know, it's, it changes, it changes and what we do and what they do is an art and it's

kind of similar. You have to know where you stand and where not stand and training and it's the same thing, you know. I feel like when they shot that Netflix special, it was like how Holloway felt after he got beat up by Connor, you know, with Holloway and Dustin Poirier, both improved dramatically after they lost to Connor because you see what your faults are a lot more. Like I saw how I fucked up on stage in a way, I mean, they had a good setting on, I'm excited that it's coming out, but it's weird how we grow as artists and fighters.

How are you? Well, it's an old cliche that you learn more from your losses than you do from your victories and it's absolutely true. I mean, of course, it's great to win fights. You want to go out there and kick ass and win and be the man, all that shit. You don't learn anything. In fact, if anything, you just pick up bad habits. You get away with stuff that you shouldn't be getting away with because one day someone's

going to get you. One day someone's going to make you honest. When you lose a fight, case in point, when I lost to Dan Henderson, my first loss in the UFC, fucking terrible loss, I changed a lot of shit, changed a lot of things and it made me a better man, made me a better fighter. Same thing as you're saying, we stand up with anything really. I think in the beginning we stand up. That's why I think you're just not very good in the beginning, so you're dealing with those

losses a lot. So that's why you learn so much in the beginning because you just kind of stink and you have to get up and want to sort of, to do it in the beginning, it's fucking weird. I don't think I could ever start over again thinking about it. Did you go back and start over, go back to the very beginning? See, I was thinking then I used to be a nightclub DJ for 15 years, DJ Mike, you'd be proud to be in a fighter, yeah, but it's a very different scene. You've got to become a good DJ and you've got to play all the shitty fucking venues

in the empty nightclubs or, oh my God, there's seven people in here, it's going off tonight. And this is all in Manchester. Yeah, yeah, Manchester, Greater Manchester. I'm from a small town just outside of Manchester. And how old are you when you started DJing? 16. And what type of music? What dance music?

House music. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, two turntables. Yeah, turntables. It's really big in England, right? It's fucking huge, massive dancing. Yeah, yeah. See, I started martial arts at eight years old and I was obsessed with it. That's all I did.

But then I left school at 16, I got a job working in some shitty factory and I walking home and I popped into my friends, I had to smoke a joint and he had some turntables. I was like, holy fuck, I thought it was the coolest thing I ever saw. So fuck martial arts, let's do, let's try and become a DJ and I put all my efforts into that really. And then when I realized that I'm never going to be a fucking world famous DJ, getting paid tons of money, I went back to martial arts and came to the UFC. That's pretty much it.

My life story in a minute. But I hear like guys that start fighting and they're like fight for 50 bucks in the valley at a bar. Like in the beginning, it's the same one night as we do. Yeah. And then you get like nine and oh and the amateur fucking is a racket and then you sign on to some lower league and then you knock three motherfuckers out there and then the UFC comes a calling and the first fight could be short notice or whatever.

Yeah. It's, it's like when, you know, I'll never forget, I was, I was writing something today about 2000 how I thought I had the pieces together in my life and I got a call to do the desert in with David Tal and some of the New York comic. Well, I never called the book a back in the night before the night of the show when I got to the green room. They switched the lineup. It was Tim Allen.

Oh man. And here I am. So you weren't on. Oh, I was on. I was working with Tim Allen. Right. Oh shit. And he was on the show still.

He was still on whatever. Yeah. He was still a big fucking deal. And I walked in there prepared for a towel, like a 20 second minute set before a towel. Yeah. And now Tim Allen's there and I didn't know what the fuck to do. And he was pretty cool when he told me, it's, you know, you learn as you go along. Like it's, it's the same thing as fighting.

You just learn as you go along and then when you get beat by something new, you switch it up. Like some nights you're like, I'm going to go out there and improvise and you get lit up. Like you eat a bag of dog shit and now you either go, well, I'm going to improvise or get better at it. I'm not going to ever do it again. It's the same thing with fighting.

You know. Well, I mean, I think it's just, you know, whatever it is, it takes a weird, it's a weird personality type to get into either one when you really think about it, dude, like, you know, getting on stage, people are really fucking terrified of that. Like people that haven't done it before speaking in front of even to the first time for the first couple of years, I did Santa. I think it's number two on the list. Yeah.

Death and then public speaking, public speaking. But I'm sure far behind that is probably getting into a fistfight or being punched in the face. People just for you to want to do it before you know how to do it. It takes a weird thing. Like why would you be in a comic or a fight before you know how to fight, what's drawing you to put yourself in that type of danger? It's just most people think it's fucking crazy.

I agree with what you're saying and probably more so these days, because these days as a sports bigger UFC is bigger and it's more open. It's a job opportunity for more people these days. But from my background and who I am, it wasn't a fucking job opportunity. This is what I did. It was all I know. I had no education and I was just out there scrapping guys and I wanted to make something of my life and give my children a better life, you know.

It wasn't like a conscious decision of I'm going to be a fighter. It's a bizarre thing. I always was a fighter. That you're right. I don't know, but a lot of old school guys, that's the same kind of thing. I'm not unique. I'm not special. You know, back in the day when there wasn't much money to be made.

But now you look, you know, you've got these people, fresh face, education, great family. So what the fuck are you fighting in an octagon for? You've got tons of options, you know. So I think these days is a new breed of fighters, you know. Well, I mean, everyone loves money. But I can't imagine the first time I got punched in the face, I think I'd be retired. Like, what is it like the first time you get punched in the face by like an actual fight or not?

Like just someone out. I don't know. I used to get punched in the face a lot as a kid. My mom with the heel, the sharp end of her, the heel of her shoe was the particularly painful one. I did karate from the age of six to 16. And I used to go to these three point tournaments where there were no contact from the head. There was only from the top of the neck to the body, to the waist.

And I would go through these tournaments and I'd win, Michael Bisbee. I was pretty fucking good. Joey Karate. And forget about the form competitions. I would fuck you up with forms because I would practice someone with a string in the thing and I would be bobbed my head and throw the punches under the strings. That was great. And then something happened in the sixth grade.

I got into a fucking real fist fight and it was horrified. And you thought all this fucking fancy cat's a bullshit. Doesn't do shit when I try to kind of bite your nose off. I tried to kick the guy and the guy went right through it and he broke my nose. I got one good shot at him. I got him in the black eye and we were both in the same grade. I could taste the blood coming from my nose and my mouth. The whole fucking, you know, type of deal.

And I had an idea right there. I'm like, I don't think this fighting shit is for me. And then once I went through my shit and I was a tough guy, I thought I was a tough guy and I started flipping these fucking perverts down at Hudson County Park. And I would go down there with six friends and we'd flip a guy and take his money and that type of shit. Married guys who want to get their dick sucked. But one night I went down there by myself.

And so could they. It came close. It was a long night. I fuck you. I'm biting myself. No one knows. I'm in. I was hitting the bag.

I was fucking doing five sets of six. I had this guy by 20 pounds. I thought I hit him with everything I got. And he just flipped his face, looked back at me. Michael Bisbing threw 20 punches at me in the dark. And he was black. No, no, no, no. You couldn't see anything.

He was like, who's hitting me right now? He was a fucking white dude that just lit me up, Michael Bisbing. And I had my hands up like this, like a boxer. I don't know how he was getting through. He punched me 20 times. I punched him in the neck out of fear. Like, this is all I had. And he held onto his neck and I ran around him.

And I did a 4-4-40 in 3.2 minutes. And I never went back to Hudson County parking. But I knew when I looked at, I had lumps all over my head from the beating he gave me. And I knew right then and there, I'm like, that tough guy shit that just ended my life right there. I do not want to be a tough guy. I do not want to collect for the mafia. I don't want to do none of that shit.

It's a weird thing because there's people who are like, there's people who are down to like, you know, like if I go to a bar, it's like, what the fuck with me? I will not let that happen. I carry myself in a way that I, you know, I'm just not, but I'm not going to let that happen. I'm just not, but I'm not fucking tough like that. Like I, you see people, you see like videos on the internet where people get into fights

and then they hit the guy and the guy goes down and then they keep going and they want to hurt this person. And there's none of that in me. Like it's like, you know, I'm, I grew up where like, you get into a fight out back with some dude. You punch each other a couple of times, you have a beer afterwards and that's sort of the end of it. Then you see like real deal fucking like.

You're living in an 80s movie by the sounds of it. Yes. Come on, buddy. Good one. You got me good there, John. Let's go share a Bud Light. I'm like, where the fuck did you grow up? He breaks a pool heel on my arm.

I'm like, Hey man, we could be friends now. But it's just, and there are like hood fucking people that are like real deal, you know, that know that are violent. And I think that's really the difference. Forget just like, you know, knowing how to fight or anything else. Like they're like real violent people out there. When you said you get into like a lot of fights when your kid was like some violent shit. Like was like crazy shit like that.

A lot of crazy shit that I don't really want to talk about, you know, but I will to a certain degree. But yeah, yeah. I mean, I grew up in a small town called Clithero, which is a beautiful place. But there was so much fucking violence there. There really was just nothing too crazy. But one of the, I just mean fistfights, but lots of them that were hardcore, you know, and people would, you know, people would get hurt all the time.

And it was just fucking, see on the main street, there was this street and it had like 25, 30 pubs, people just went pub to pub to pub to pub and about five deep into the pubs. That's where all the fights would start, you know, and people would just drunk and be in top guys. And there was like different like sets of people looking back. It was a fucking gang. They were gangs, but we never realized that that group there dicks.

Well, we don't like that group and that group doesn't like us. And, you know, by the end of it, it was stupid child of shit. You know, like bottles and pool cues and shit. Yeah. Yeah. All that stuff. That's crazy. I've never made a person bleed. You know, felt like a bloody nose, like a little bit of a fat lip. But I'd never like been in a fight where like me and my friends were beating somebody else up

so much that where they were like bleeding from their head and we were just still going. Yeah, I have. I have never been. I've seen some fucking crazy shit. I've never been in that situation, but I've been in situations that a good friend of mine has said something or done something where I'm like, this guy's the real deal.

I had two or three friends throwing up. When we were doing that, that shit that we would go down and attack those fucking married dudes. I would get that dick sucked. I don't know if we were chasing a guy one night. And one guy that was a really dear friend of mine looked at me and he goes, I got a knife. I'm going to cut him.

I would never forget that. And he was dead serious. Wow. Let me cut him just one time. And I was like, Jesus Christ, I'm hanging out with damage goods. But he's my brother. What am I going to do? What are you going to do?

That's an interesting point. That's why I tell people, you know, the animal you're dealing with. I've always said this, like in the UFC, I tell you, I think somebody who could kill somebody, Carlos Conduit. Something about Carlos Conduit, if I was a drug dealer. Hey, hey, hey.

Let me tell you a story about Carlos Conduit. And I've told it a bunch of times on the podcast and whatnot. I went out to Afghanistan. Myself, you're right, Faber, Carlos Conduit and BJ Penn. A bunch of crazy shit happened. Flying all around the little, the fobs, the fort operational bases,

high up in the mountains of Afghanistan. Some of, we started off at Bagram, which is like a huge base, which is crazy because they're out there at a war zone. But it's like, it's like a fucking town. You get a massage, there's tanning booths, there's Dairy Queen Burger King. The big bases are fucking legit, excuse me.

But the fobs are in the middle of nowhere. There might be like 10, 15 people, special forces in like a small, tiny camp. And we were going around to those places on a Black Hawk helicopter, just meeting them, whatever. A few places, we did some training with them. And we're up high in the mountains,

as I said, there were special forces, fighting a fucking war in Afghanistan. So tough dudes, mentally, but we're professional fighters. And they had a boxing ring in the little makeshift gym they had, but there was a little boxing ring, and they wanted to spar.

They said, you want to spar? I'm like, yeah, fuck it. I'm not gonna say no, I'm not a pussy. But the guy was cool. He was cool. So we put gloves on, we just took it real nice and easy. He was a respectful guy. And he was like, yeah, that's cool. And we shook hands, we had a little sweat, real nice.

Then this other guy said, all right, Carlos, you want to go? And Carlos, yeah, yeah, yeah. All good. And they're getting the ring. And the guy says to Carlos, how hard are we gonna go? And Carlos says, well, I'll hit you as hard as you hit me. Which I thought was a fucking beautiful answer.

And the guy was an asshole because straight after that, bang! Punched Carlos in the face as hard as he fucking could. Dropped him. Dropped him, dropped Carlos. Carlos got up, shook it off,

went forward, jab, right hand, left high kick, out cold, through the ropes, like this, knocked him out cold. But it was like, he just, the look in his eye, you know, when he did it. And I was like, yeah, probably not the smartest thing to do.

They've all got weapons. We're out in a fucking... There's about 15 of them up in the mountains of Afghanistan. We could disappear pretty easily. Perhaps we want to get out of here. But going back to your point, exactly, 100%. There's people that take it easy

and they're nice people. And there's people that are not. And people never know. It's like, I always think about OJ. They didn't fucking know. You know, John McCarthy had a great explanation about OJ. That he had that shit that football players had, only in reverse.

CTE? CTE. And that's why he did that. What do you mean in reverse? E.T.C.? Like, it made him... It made him lash out. You know, it made him lash out.

Yeah. And he kept it under control, like, I've been watching that thing on FX because you're on the road. You mean it was like a ticking time bomb, waiting to explode? I think the cops got called to the house. Yeah, they weren't there.

He was, he got in trouble before for domestic abuse. The cops got called. Oh, no, no, the cops got called to the house. It is, in three years, the number is astronomical. I don't want to repeat it because I don't want to look like an asshole. But if you watch... But it was a bunch, they went a bunch.

The people versus OJ Simpson. Yeah. When the tape got leaked. I guess you know his record. You've been here before. Yeah. And OJ's in the back. We're sitting here going,

I'm like, yeah, nobody knew it was a ticking time bomb. She's like, I knew. I fucking knew. He was beating me up every weekend. She went a woman's homeless, a woman's ban shell to five days before he killed her. Oh, really? Yeah.

Like it's pretty interesting. So she's kind of an asshole for bringing Ron Goldman around then because she knew what the fuck was going on. Ron Goldman was a coke delivery. Really? Is that really what it was? That's what they found out years later. Mezzaluna was just a coke dealer that was at a restaurant

and he washed, he laundered his money through there. See if you see the article. It was a big time one. I moved out here as that shit was going on. And I met a girl and she told me that he wasn't drunk. When was the last time you went to a restaurant and left your glasses and they came back and gave them to you at the house?

Either he was fucking it, but he wasn't fucking it. She was waiting for Marcus Allen dick. Marcus Allen was banging out. And he was just dropping off a coke package. They never found. I just remember being in, when this whole trial was going on, I was just annoyed. It was like 12.

And I just, my mom was fucking just so engaged with it. I was supposed to go to a WWF event, I remember. And we were late because my mom just was glued to court TV. This was the court TV, this was the first, this like opened up that whole category of like reality television. It was like real world in the OJ Simpson trial, kind of like made everyone like.

So last night in bed, I was watching some show there that Tom Hanks produced on Netflix called the 90s. Right, yeah. And it was pretty good. Pretty good, really. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's interesting. And the OJ Simpson trial plays a part of it, part of what happened in the 90s.

And they go into details. But growing up in England, obviously it wasn't quite as submerged into our culture for you guys, as it was for you guys. Of course, it was on the news, we heard about it. But, you know, for one, I was younger, so I didn't really give a fuck. And nobody watches American football in England.

So no one really had an idea who it was. But after watching that last night, and of course I've seen the show and I've seen documentaries and stuff, I know how big of a deal it was, but it wasn't the same in England. No one really cared. It was just another criminal lawsuit, you know.

Yeah, yeah, it was such a... It was everything. I mean, I was in sixth grade, maybe. I don't know, seventh grade. They wheeled in TVs for the day they gave out the verdict. It was like the end of the school year. It was like June or something, it must have been. And they wheeled in TVs and the teachers

to stop giving a fuck. They're like, we're not teaching today. We're just watching this. And you just heard the classroom split. It was crazy. The teachers would be cheering or like screaming curse words based off of it. Because this was also the first story

that sort of split America. Like, my mom was so pro OJ Simpson. It was bizarre. My mom was like, OJ didn't do it. That was that. She was on his side. You know, the glove doesn't fit. You must have quit.

My mom was an idiot. I don't understand the glove thing. Because it looked like it kind of went... I mean, if my life depended on it and I was going to go to prison for a long fucking time, give me a glove. I could make my hands seem a bit bigger. It doesn't go on.

They were like, no, motherfucker. Stop spreading your fingers so much and pushing the palm of your hand out. You know, if my life depended on it, it won't go on. It won't go on. OJ was guilty, but it was the Yankees playing against a high school baseball team.

It was that type of payroll against a high school baseball team. And there was dirty shit that went on. They fucked up. Well, they fucked up. The cops did dirty shit. The cops did dirty shit. So they created all this reasonable doubt.

Once they raised the reasonable down to P&A, that was it. Yeah, well, I saw the show. That's what was brilliant about it. John Travolta. That's the one I'm watching now. It's fucking awesome. So good. The acting in that is incredible.

It's tremendous. It really is. Have you ever seen that? I didn't see it. Oh, yeah. It's on Netflix. You've got to check it out. It's an awesome piece of...

Awesome piece. They did. Tremendous. They really did a great job. Television work. It's incredible. It really is. And they exploited what was going on.

There was five or six heavy duty fucking attorneys. All of them egos. Yeah. Everybody's a fucking ego. Nobody ever knew the name of an attorney before the OJ trial. Marcia Clark, fucking... Well, I always had heard about the one guy. I knew about the one guy.

Tony Cochran. No. The white guy. Yeah. Not... How good is John Travolta in that show? He's brilliant. Oh, my God.

He's brilliant as that guy. The facial expressions and stuff. Incredible. He's brilliant as that guy. He really was. It was a weird time. You know, like the Rodney King verdict. That's what it was.

That's what you saw last night, was that we got that all sparked was the Rodney King verdict. What's the Rodney King? Rodney King. You just weren't here. None of this shit is so funny. Rodney King was a black guy who got pulled over. I mean, I've heard the name.

Some from... You know, I've heard of Rodney King. Some guy from his balcony taped the cops just playing ping-pong with his fucking head with batons. Oh, really? Oh, shit, yeah. And the tape got leaked. And this is before...

It sounds like an average Friday night. This was the first police video. They all lived in Simi Valley. Right. The cops. So they all got acquitted. And downtown L.A. went crazy. Right.

Oh, okay. Big rights. I'll never forget I was doing comedy in a Chinese restaurant. And the guy's name was Ron. And I would torment Ron. I would tell him I was gonna bring Cosby and all these big names and get money up front and go buy cocaine and shit. And there was times I was going there.

There was times I was just going... That's what he told me. That's why I'm here. Yeah. There was times I would bring girls in there and act like a big shot. Where's Ron at? Ron, give us all around the drinks, put it on my arm. Cosby's coming.

Don't worry about it. I put it on my tab, the whole thing. And that's where we watched where they... I'll never forget this, where they pulled the white guy out of the truck. Out of the truck, yeah. And they hit him in the head with a brick on national TV. Ooh. I mean, it was crazy.

It was nuts. The helicopter view. And then now... Yeah. It was like when you watch those nature... When you watch those nature videos where you see like a lion about to kill like a deer. You're like, somebody help the deer. And nobody does.

That's what it was watching from the helicopter. Yeah. It's insane, you know, cos I'm so much more aware of racism since I moved to this country. You are. There's no black people in Ireland. Well, yeah. There was no black people where I grew up. Well, when I watched snacks, what about all those black people?

Oh, no, no, no. Down in London, there's a massive, you know, black community. Easy, easy. Jewish community. It's a very multicultural city. Almost two minutes. And there's a very big Middle Eastern influence, you know, Indians and Pakistanis. But there was no black guys.

But where I'm from is a small town out in the country. And it's predominantly all white, you know, all white. And so we had no preconceived ideas or any judgments against somebody because they were another colour. You know what I mean? For me, it didn't exist whatsoever. This had to be standing at another bar on a Saturday night. I remember like, you know, like in like the 90s, people started saying, do you see that

today? They were like, what? A black guy walking through the town centre. Baldur's brass, you know, cos we just didn't get in it. But then as like the world gets a smaller place. Yeah. You know, more and more different cultures started coming to the town, you know. So, yeah, I didn't grow up, experience any of this, what you were talking about.

Of course, in the big cities, in London, Manchester, Birmingham, places like that, of course. But I'm from a small town just outside of there, you know, and very, lived a very segregated lifestyle. Didn't leave there until I was older, you know. So that's very interesting. You say that it's very racist here. No, I'm not saying it's very racist. That's not what I'm saying.

I'm saying I'm aware that racism exists more. There's a much bigger part of this culture. More since I've moved here, you know. I sense it, you hear it on the news, there's issues, you hear about it, you know, in politics and stuff, you know. I think it's another time because... But also, I'm getting older as well. Yeah, you...

So I'm maturing as a person, you realise, you travel the world more. And you moved here once social media started exploding, you also... Sure. That was probably around the time when you moved to... What year did you move to the States? 2011. Yeah, dude. I mean, that's like the explosion of social media culture right at the turn of 2010.

I wasn't saying it was more racist here than it is in England because it probably is. Just racism exists in England? Yeah, 100% it does. Yeah, yeah, there's big problems in London, you know, in the cities, of course. Well, up and down the country now, as I say, the world is more... White and black or white? White and black. There's a lot of racial tension in England with the Muslim communities.

The Muslim, you know, Pakistanis. But there's a lot of tension there, you know. I've got to put my words carefully because, you know, I don't want to offend anybody at all, you know. But yeah, there's a lot of racial tension these days. Michael Bisping doesn't want to offend anybody. No, no, no, no, no, no. We live in a very... We live in a very sensitive community now.

And I don't, you know, Muslim, Jewish, Christian, whatever the fuck you are. I think you're all idiots for believing in that shit. No, me too. I don't give a flying fuck, you know. You know, as long as you're good to me, I'm good to you. Yeah, dude, you know, it's... I think it's very strange, like, I think we put so much like... We demonize racism so much, but then we watch... Can't really show.

Yeah, but then we watch people... Like, I was at a Yankees game a couple weeks ago. I don't give a fuck about sports at all. But I went to the Yankees game, I forgot. I already had tickets and he was like, I was like, do you want to come to Yankee? Great, sure. And there was a guy who walked by at an Oakland A's head.

Can't do that in the playoffs. Dude. Why do you keep talking about things I know nothing about? No, well, you don't get it. Ron Dixon, you know where he was. And now baseball. It's the same thing with British football. What was his name? The guy in the boot?

The guy in the cops were beating up. Oh, Ron, whatever. So what happened with the racism? What the fuck? And now baseball. The guy in the Oakland A's head walks by and then 2,000 people waiting to get into Yankee Stadium. As the guy's walking by.

Asshole. Your girl's a slut. She's fat. It's hilarious. I joined in. I loved it. It was the greatest. It was so much fun. But what's the difference?

He's just wearing a fucking green hat. Well, it's not. It's not really like it's a choice. I like that about sports, to be honest. Yeah, no, I'm not really violent. I kind of enjoy it. Dude, do people get violent though? Soccer stadium life?

That shit gets crazy. Oh, you have no idea. Exactly. And it's sort of from here to the same thing. It's just a color of a shirt or a territory where you're from. It's sort of in the same spirit. We celebrate that type of, you know,

it's not called racism. We celebrate it. We kind of go, oh, it's funny, right? But what's really different between, like, some 60-year-old dude being like, ah, you know what, I'd be really upset if my daughter married a black guy. That's sort of, that's way less damaging than a fucking soccer riot.

There's way less people hurt. Yeah, but there's a clip of a Red Sox fan throwing a pizza slice and hitting a Yankee fan in the face at Fenway Park. And I watch that whenever I get sad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm with you. If it's sports and you just bust in each other's balls.

But what if it was a Chinese guy and someone's like, get out of my town, try him in and throw a pizza in his face. That's fucked up. Well, that is a fucking asshole. What's the difference? That is a fucking no, but it was just a friendly sports thing and it's banter.

You know, some, all right, maybe sometimes it crosses the line. You know, a lot of the times in England. You don't see 229. Fuck me. You know, England in the 80s and the 90s with the football hooligans, well, you know, it wasn't a good place for the sport. But a friendly bit of ball busting over

whatever fucking team Jersey you were in. Yeah, come on. No, no, no, no, no, no. Listen, let me explain something to you. I'm not talking about, I'm literally talking about busting their balls. But here it is. Here's the society we live in.

If you go to any, like Dodger Stadium a couple of years ago, they beat a man into a coma. Yeah. For having a giant shoe. Oh, that shit went on in England all the time. You know, during the soccer game. What they used to do, like this guy from our town, like the famous thing they got set down for for a while.

They knew the train from the Blackburn fans was coming past on the train tracks. So they fucking stopped the train by causing like some thing on the train tracks. They stopped the train. The train had to stop because they barricaded the tracks. They ran into the train, all of them, beat the fuck out of all of them, badly.

Whoa. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I'm well aware of what goes down. And it was kind of, the story is just kind of, you know, that's kind of great. Yeah, no, I guess. But you watch the movies on Netflix, the football factory. It's a great movie.

I think I saw it. Check it out. It's all about that. Fuck Green Street. Football factory. It's hilarious. It's hilarious. Yeah, yeah.

The football factory. I want to be informed about it. Check it out, man. It's great. And that's how it is. Like I'm the type of guy, I watch a Sunday football game and you have a jersey on and your team's losing 21-nothing. You deserve to get beat up.

Don't worry the jersey. That's the school of thought. Like an asshole. Your team's dying 31-nothing. In my world, you deserve a beating for wearing that shirt. You're 31 years old. Go get a life. Go eat somebody's asshole.

You're sitting there with a jersey on. I don't have a fucking jersey in my ass. I'll tell you what else pisses me off. When I see fat people with football jerseys, it drives me up a fucking wall. Like a 400-pound dude with a football jersey drives me fucking crazy. What's with him?

Yeah, but why? Because you're disrespecting the football jersey. You fat fucks. You know what I'm saying? I get off the plane the other day and there's a guy with 500 pounds that's on a Dodger shirt on. Take it off. If I'm a Dodger, I tell him, here's the 50 bucks.

Take it off. You're too big. You can't be disrespected and whatever. But that's the shit I hate about sports. I went to a giant Philly football game at Giants... No, I'm lying to you. Philly jet football game at Giants Stadium in 93. And some guy walked down with a Miami Dolphins jacket.

And a guy like Michael Bisping went up to him politely and said, excuse me, do us a favor, so we can all feel at home and you take the jacket off. And again, we're all heavy goes. The guy goes, fuck you, man. The guy said, okay, have a nice day. And he turned around and he went... And all of a sudden, things started getting thrown at this guy.

I mean, they were throwing everything. First it started with like pretzels and chips. Soft things. And then it just shoes. Just progressively harder. And the people around them, and then you know what the dude does? He gets up and turns around and goes, fuck you now. Oh, my God.

They're just throwing shit at him. I mean, everything. And he's like, keep it up. Fuck you. We're going to win, you know, with a Dolphin jacket on. You're at a jet Philly game. Wearing teal. In Jersey, they're looking for that shit.

Those guys in Jersey train for that shit all week long. After he got hit so much, security had to come with like a shield. And they're getting shit thrown at him as he's walking out. I mean, it was classic. That's great. The guy was drenched in shit. Is that necessary? And John Stadium or Philly Stadium?

That's not bad, though. That's just a bit of throwing some shit at them and making fun of them. The point that I'm making. I actually think that's pretty tame, you know? I mean, well, the thing that bothers me is when people change, like, you're supposed to, like, where you're from or at best, maybe your parents are from there. I'll allow that. But people who just move and change, like, what would happen?

Like, you can never change football teams. I mean, if you don't like football, like, what is that like in the UK? Can you, you can't just change teams? I mean, I was never the biggest sports guy. So I'm not the best guy to even talk about this stuff. He changed cultures. He's a sellout. He's a fucking Californian now.

He's the way I talk every day. Like, I've never felt myself have been so self-conscious about my accent as to what I am in this room. Really? Like, these fucking acts is going. Every time I speak, because I've got the headphones on, I hear Mary Poppins fucking chatting away in the corner. But still, even saying that to Americans, sorry, to English part of me, they're like,

what's with the fucking American accent, Mike? Why are you talking like that? Because I want to be understood. That's why. Can you talk American if you wanted to? No, I mean, I come, you know, if I'm acting or whatever, I'm going to do a little bit. Get fucked. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm going to be judged. Let's hear Texas. All right, man. No, it's crazy how... It's your only one in the whole movie? It's crazy how the guy's from Batman. Say again?

The guy that played Batman. Christian Bale. Christian Bale. He's fucking incredible. Can you not add somebody's syllables to Christian? Say again? Christian. Christian.

My friend did the fighter with him. He says, I didn't even know he was English until the premiere. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, for me, I didn't know he was English. He kept his fucking accent. And, you know, Jax Teller.

You know, he's... I don't know Jax Teller. The guy from Sons of Anarchy. Oh, shit. No, of course, yes. I had no idea until recently he did some other movie. I don't know. The Robot Movie.

The Robot Movie. What was the robot? The big robot? No. Fuck knows that. It was the one about... McDonald's husband was the director. Yeah, Guy Ritchie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I never saw the movie. But I saw him on a talk show because he was promoting the movie. And I was like, oh, this motherfucker's English. I had no... That's how good. I had no idea. He fucks up a little bit in Sons of Anarchy from time to time.

Right, okay. I've never watched Sons of Anarchy. He fucks up a little bit. I don't get the hype, guys. It's a good show. I've tried watching it. I'm two episodes in. I'm like, turn it off.

No, it's not an Academy of Woodwind, but you watch it for the writing. Yeah. The guy does it great. He weaves it. I felt the same way about The Wire, which apparently, by all accounts, is fantastic. Fantastic. Fantastic. I haven't got past two or three episodes.

I'm with you, bro. I swear, I watch... I go into it wanting to like it with an open mind. Yeah. I love it. You know what it is? I hear it's amazing. The best TV you've ever seen.

And he's British, by the way. I heard yourself. I know. The language is so thick, like the cop talk. It's hard to follow. I think half the problem is I'm watching it with my wife and she's like, oh, Michael, this is terrible. Why are we watching this?

You know? His wife's racist. But I haven't got past. Yeah. Michael Black people are. Those Australian racists. They're hardcore. Yeah.

I can't get past the first quote. I'm going to go back and try it again, because I see the way Joey's looking. He's upset right now. He's like, you don't like the wire? I thought the wire was... Getting the fuck out. I thought the wire was a good show. It just wasn't one of my favorites.

Yeah. Way overrated. I think it was... What's your favorite show ever, Joey? Favorite television show of all time. That's a tough one. It's a tough one. I already have my answer.

Okay, go ahead. What's yours? Game of fucking thrones. Yeah. I was going to say that's one of mine. I think it's the best. I think it's the best. When you consider all things considered, the violence, the fucking...

Game of Thrones, Sopranos, Breaking Bad, top three. My shows are the honeymooners is number one. Number two is the Sopranos. And number three is... I don't even know... Fucking Game of Thrones is so epic. I'm waiting for it to be over, because I haven't started it yet. What?

You're a fucking idiot. If I tell you something, you're not going to believe this. Please. I love everything from England. I love the music, you know. Everything I listen to, you know, the whole movement, the Beatles, the whole fucking deal. I cannot watch a home movie with an English accent. I'm too old and my hearing can't break it down.

Can't take it. Especially when they talk too fast. Like, snatch, I could tolerate. You know, because they keep saying bloody cunt and I like that. I like how they use the word bloody cunt. Every time you think you're out, they draw you back. Let me tell you this. Then you're missing some great movies, Joey.

I've heard. You're missing some... My wife watches and I sit and watch 15 minutes here. Go and watch 20 minutes here. Here's one I think you'll like. Sexy Beast. Oh, I've seen that. Yeah.

No, I've watched... No, no, no. I'm a professional. Yeah, yeah. Let's get some straight. I'm a motherfucking professional. If something... It's just...

There's a lot of movies. Sure. There's a lot of things in Spanish I can't tolerate. Like, the other day I put the fucking whatever on. The Ozarks on on the plane. Oh, I love the Ozarks. And I had hit the wrong button. So it was in Spanish.

So I'm like, why are they talking so much fucking Spanish for? So I erased both episodes. The Cartel plays a big part of these episodes. So then I erased both episodes. And I go, let me see if Tyson... I put the movie Tyson on because I downloaded that. And that's in Spanish. And I go, what the fuck is going on with my fucking iPad?

And I figured out where to get the Spanish over. Then I fell back as I deleted the Ozarks. Yeah. Because I watch all those fucking Spanish shows on Netflix. I watch, you know, Narcos. And then there's one that's Jota Jota. That was Pablo Escobar's number one killer. I'm a bad Puerto Rican.

I'm just like, oh, speak English already, Jesus. No, I like... Do you speak Spanish, Lewis? I can say. I can't believe I've never asked you this. Like seven things. Yeah. That's it.

Me too. I mean, I'm so bad. I'm a Puerto Rican Spanish. So I watch that. And I live through it. Like I liked when I was a kid going to the Bronx after my mother died and eating Puerto Rican food because for one hour, I would get to talk Spanish.

You know, and when you were dealing with Puerto Ricans, when you first meet them, you have to ask them for their blessing if they're older than you are. I always thought that was a beautiful thing when I was growing up. What if I saw... Even though Michael Bisbee is the UFC champion of the world, if he sees me and I have white hair, he's got to go... And I'll go...

That means God bless you. I learned that from the post. So I would just go... Well, that's nice. That's good. I would go up there just to... I like that respect and I wish there was more old-school values like that around these days because the world's going fucking topsy-turvy, man.

I always believed that. So I would go up there just to get that type of Spanishy respect. When I put my daughter in this preschool at first, I went to a bunch of preschools. I put her in a school where I had two Spanish women working because I don't take no shit. You were talking about your girl from before. I dated one Spanish girl in high school and I'm Spanish.

And after that, I knew they were not for me. It's not a good mix. It's hard. It's tough, dude. I think the Catholic Church have a similar thing, don't they? Are you Catholic? With the altar boys and the priests. You got to ask me for my respect, okay? It's just one time. Come on, let's go.

Take the body of Christ. Let's go. If you watch like Rocky when he goes to the priest and he asks him for a blessing, that's what it is. It's great. An American tradition. Some Italians will always say, like, something better to eat you.

Yeah. And you have to say something back then. That means God bless you. You know, if he's a little older than you or whatever. I don't know what the fucking topic was. We were talking about this shit. But are you Catholic? Were you raised Catholic? I was raised as a Catholic, yeah.

Is there a big Catholic population? No, massive, yeah, massive. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. More Protestants, Church of England. But yeah, yeah, big Catholic population. My mum's Irish. Like, full-on Irish. Not like, you know, Americans say they're Irish.

My mum was born in Ireland. Her dad was a preacher, about 15 brothers and sisters. So a Catholic family. And then my dad was in the army serving in Northern Ireland when the war was on. I met my mum. So that was a whole scandal to do. So yeah, so yeah, so we're Catholic.

That's pretty fucking interesting. Yeah. And do they have the same pedophilia problem we have over here with those fucking... Yeah, well, I mean, I've never experienced it, thank God. But it's worldwide, I'm pretty sure. It's worldwide, yeah.

I don't think it's not an American thing. It's just, you know, it's a Catholic church. But as I say, I'm not a religious person, so... Yeah, you get in trouble all the time for, like, not shitting on religion. You're just like, you know what, because people care about religion, it's fucked up because the reality is,

99.9% of the time, they're really good people. And if they're trying to live their lives as, you know, by the tenets of their religion, they're probably doing, you know, good for themselves and their family. But, and when you shit on that, if... Let me tell you this. Here in America, you guys,

I say you guys, I mean, you Americans, pardon me, and people of Americas, and I don't mean that in an insulting way, are obsessed with religion. In England, I was talking about this last night. To my wife, we're letting bed, just having a chat, and I'm like, no. And I said this to a producer at Fox recently,

and she didn't believe me. She's like, oh, no, that's just your friends. I don't know a single person in England that goes to church. Not a single fucking person. Nobody goes to church. Nobody talks about church. Only time they go to church is to get married, a christening, or a funeral.

And that's it. No one goes to church. Maybe that's why they're all closing down. Maybe there's some really old ladies or whatever. It has to be a dying... My wife still goes to church religiously every Sunday. Yeah, a lot of people do here in the States. They go to a different church. I'm Catholic,

so I stick to my roots. If the kid sings in the choir, I'll put a suit on and go down there for the day. Which is great. Do you believe in God? I believe in something. If you live the life I live, you gotta believe in something.

Something's out there, something more powerful than me. I debate it. I don't know. I don't know. I don't, but I do debate it from time to time. Yeah, everybody has their own thing. I'm sure, and this is what I always say, I'm sure it's a great feeling. I wish there was a higher power out there.

And I wish that if I got on my fucking knees and prayed hard enough that good things would happen, but I don't. I wish I did. For the most part, I keep those views to myself and I respect everyone's religions and that's great and more power to me than respect. But don't try and convert me. But as a, here's the thing, right,

we both have done sales in our life and I think we connected with like early when I met you with this one we talked about that was like, I almost feel like it's the same thing, right? Like if you believe that God is on your fucking side and you really believe that, right, and you truly believe it, that's like that. Well, the placebo effect is a real thing.

Well, it's just, it's assuming the sale. It's assuming the sale. If you really believe that it's gonna happen, it's more than likely it's gonna happen. I believe that with almost everything in life. Absolutely. You've got to carry yourself a certain way. If you believe it's already happening, believe you're gonna get there, carry yourself.

Like Conor McGregor right now, he's out there carrying himself like he didn't lose it the weekend. It's iconic. Everyone's gonna buy that shit up. He's actually like a winner. He's running out on the fucking Dallas Cowboys field, throwing footballs around, proper 12 whiskey. Everyone's like, ah!

Fucking a couple of weeks from now, no one remembers. You carry yourself in that way, you know, and if you're religious and something good happens, it's just whatever you put your sort of faith into. I would raise Catholic. Cuban-Catholic. Cubans are very strong Irish-Catholic like the Irish. In 1614,

the Battle of the Boyne, the Irish that didn't want to fight, in fact, went to Cuba because it was the only other Catholic. Can I tell you something? Not for nothing. I got 26% reefer over there. Why are you smoking that garbage in my office?

I got 26% reefer over there that'll kill a meal and you're smoking that 2% fucking vapor with that fucking killer. The tomorrow morning when you wake up, you can't see. There's some good shit, Joey. There ain't no good shit. Not like what I'm throwing over there. That's the shit that killed John McCain. All right, let me get some shit to kill John McCain.

I would love it. It's called Ghost OG. This sounds like the part where I'm gonna say, oh, she's got a phone call I gotta take. Because I'm a weak motherfucker. I don't... I'm not taking... Ghost OG?

Means I'm good. You're hitting that vapor, don't do nothing for you. What am I doing? I don't know if he wants the... There's a bomb there and there's a container. You're talking about things that might kill you. That bomb looks like 5 bucks. I knew you wanted the bomb, but I didn't want to touch it.

Because it looks like it could kill you. I gotta tell you something. I was raised Catholic. Me, too. My mother died at 16 and I told God to suck my dick a God would not take a parent from a child. But then I went to the university. I lived in Boulder.

And when I went to Boulder, they used to hang out at this place called Naropa Institute. And it's a Buddhist college. It's an accredited Buddhist college. Where kids who have a lot of money and major in philosophy, they go there so they can talk, make believe they're smart or whatever. I took a couple classes there.

But then I learned about something, Michael Bisbee. Go on. It was more powerful than any Bible could teach me. I learned about karma. Absolutely. I learned the things I did would always come back to me. And for example, like when I kidnapped a dude, I made $18,500.

You know how much my attorney bill was? $18,000. So for three years of my life, I made $500. Wow. I've had different situations like that where karma has come back and bitten me in the ass. So maybe I do not believe in God or whatever. I do believe there's something out there.

I do believe that, you know, I lost a child. I lost a child. When I was 30, I took a choice to do comedy and my wife doesn't let me talk to that kid no more. So all of a sudden, I stopped doing blow, I get my life together, I stop robbing people. And somebody, some Hindu God or whatever,

knocks my wife up, who smokes more weed than me? How can I even have sperm cells? How can I even have sperm cells? Harvard says if you smoke dope, you get no sperm cells. I never knocked somebody up. I fucked 50 Bang Hoys and shot loads on everybody. I didn't give a fuck.

When I was out there slinging dick, I shot loads on everybody just on principle. I thought pregnancy was a myth for years. No, I never knocked nobody up. And all of a sudden, I knocked this poor woman up when I'm 50 fucking years old. So I've gotten signs, Michael Bisbee. I don't know who it is or what it is.

I don't know if he's Chinese. I don't know if it's Charles Bronson. I don't know who the fuck it is. But this, for me and my world, do I go to church on Sunday? Do you know Stephen Frey? Fuck no. If I send you something, Lee, can you play it?

I've got a link here. No, no, no. Basically, this guy, Stephen Frey, he used to be a comedian. He's a very, very smart guy, English guy. He's, I don't know, a big deal priest or whatever, and probably getting some things wrong. And he's a hard atheist, Stephen Frey.

He's very well known for it. Kind of like Ricky Gervais, same shit. And he said, if you died and went to heaven and you were confronted by God, what would you say to him then? And he said, brain cancer in children, really?

And he went through all these things. And he said, there's an insect out there that's sole purpose in life is to burry only into the children, into babies' eyeballs. That's only babies. They're sole purpose in life when they're born in some weird fucking country somewhere.

They're sole purpose is to find babies and burrow and go into their eyes and kill them. Why would you make that? You know, it's a fascinating video. And he puts this, this priest doesn't know how to fucking answer. Doesn't know what to say. But if you Google for anyone listening,

Stephen Faye explains what he would say if he confronted God. Check it out, it's great. But that's not why I don't believe in God. They're the same, but they're really good. I don't know if God's sitting up there and he's got angels around him. I can't tell you that.

I just know for some reason, just for situations that I've been involved, that there's something out there. I don't know who, what, how. I have no fucking idea. I have no idea. It's weird. I have a hard time. I have a hard time believing

it's anything spiritual. I believe there's something out there on a physical level. I believe that in other universes, we have really powerful fucking aliens that are like able to do crazy shit that we're nowhere near. Like, and maybe one day we'll be able to...

Absolutely. You mean advanced civilized, advanced species. Yeah, I mean, we're the only... Millions and millions and millions of light years away. Millions of galaxies away. It has to be. You've seen the size of the universe. Unless they're out of the mind, there has to be. There must be.

We live in the sweet spot, that's what they call it. Not too close, not too far away from the sun. Just warm enough or not cold enough for life to evolve. And all those fucking... There's literally, I don't know how they know this stuff, but there's some mathematicians or whatever works out. I think it's Reddit slash space.

There's millions and millions, if not billions, of planets that are in the sweet spot of the Earth's sun. So, you know, it's just down to... When you put it like that, of course, there's a life out there. So, I believe it's like... There's that, and I believe that there's like... I just... I believe when you die,

that's the end of the life cycle. Me too. I just believe it's like... But it's weird, because I haven't lost too many people. I'm lucky, but people are starting to die in my life. But as of right now, I haven't experienced too much death. I haven't. But my dog died, and I know this sounds insulting to anybody that lost somebody dear.

But my dog died last year, you know? You should've seen him. And it's weird. Oh, God. It affects him to this day. It fucking died when I was filming a movie. I was in between takes, and I get a phone call from my wife. I mean, I've got to give the okay to put my dog down. I went back to fucking set to do the next scene, and I'm supposed to be a badass

that's just blowing a fucking village up. Dude, if it would've been a scene where you had a crime... Well, it's... Oh, I... You would've got an Oscar, dude. It's over. Anyway, so the point what I'm saying is, though, I don't believe in God and this and that, and the back of the car having a beer with a little tear streaming down my face

and thinking to myself, if you're up there, if you are up there, if your soul is up there, this one's for you, buddy, you know? And it's weird how your mind goes to that space to look for some kind of comfort, you know? Because we're told from an early age when we're born that it is there. Maybe I'm the ignorant one for doubting that.

So maybe just in case I'm wrong, what's up, buddy? Take care of my dog. Yeah. I know you guys, you flew in tonight, you know, you live a little far away, so I don't want to keep you guys unless you might open up that door a little bit for Uncle Joey. But for the last week,

people have been asking me for a recap of the UFC and since I'm not a fighter and so many people did recaps of 229, I didn't do one, but now, since you guys are here and Michael's a professional, ex-champion, and he said something that was very interesting. He got beat up a week ago.

You know, the biggest... One of the things that I listened to Khabib say was he was going to humble him. You know, and I've been humbled in my life. When you have handcuffs on and the judge says, four years, boy, do you get humbled like a motherfucker? You know, when somebody puts a gun to your head,

you get humbled. There's so many times, you know, let's break down 229, what you saw, what I saw, what Lewis saw. Well, Lewis J, I don't want to get fucking, you know. Joey, you're the only person I swear to God, and I would never.

There's something about Joey that anybody else in the world I would fucking correct, but not Joey Diaz. I mean, what do you want me to do? You want me to break down the fire? You know, I just... For me, it was... I knew Tony Ferguson was going to win.

I just had a funny feeling he wasn't coming back. I love Sergio, I love Duke Rufus, nothing against him. I just thought he was a bit too much for Sergio. And I liked that there's a lock. Lee knows I don't bet. The last time I bet was McGregor Diaz won

because he flinched at the weigh-in. Who you bet on? I bet on Diaz. Oh, you did? Yeah, because McGregor flinched at the weigh-in. And he didn't move? And he didn't move. And then the second one I didn't bet.

Someone did that to me recently. He went, well, you got balls of steel. He came up to the side and went like that. I said, no, I don't see out the side. I didn't actually see you. I said, come on, he didn't move. I'm like, oh, hey, what's up? So this is one of those fights I wanted to watch as a fan.

I wanted to watch this fight as a fan. Yeah. But when I found out that Khabib was a favorite and Kana was an underdog, it made me very curious. Because I come from a back sports gambling background and I know how to read lines. I've been burnt too much by lines. Once you get burnt by lines, you know how to read them.

And that line told me, wait a second, Kana's going to knock this guy out just like that and America's going to win money on Kana McGregor. Regas don't work like that. So that was the first hint of a rap. But then I discovered that there was an over and under. And that's a complete different game.

Because people would have just bet the under and gone to sleep. You could have bet Tony Ferguson and gone to sleep and not watched the fight and called the book eating with a page the next day. That's how confident I felt about Ferguson. I didn't feel that confident about McGregor. But I thought McGregor could pull something out of that. But then he said two things.

Number one, he showed up with the whiskey. And number two, he said something very interesting. And I caught these words. He says, if you haven't seen the videos, they're on McGregor Production Company videos. Nobody takes the time to say that. All those things, they take time out of your fucking day. It's true.

All those things take time out of your day. Then I waited for the wane. I saw the New York City thing and between you guys, it was the residual or something. He was just talking, I don't even know what was coming out when he pulled out the vodka bottle.

It was something that, you know, they said that John Jones tested for cocaine before a fight. I'm waiting for a test result to come back. Because he was acting very cocaineish at the New York press conference. And then, at the weigh-in, when he went to push his hand and he saw that Ivan Drago's hand didn't move,

once 50 people were around him, he got tough and he drew that little half-effect. That was the worst kick I've ever seen in my life, when him 10 feet away. The kid didn't react to him. The kid was mentally prepared. The kid didn't even understand what the fuck he was saying at the time.

That's when he had this defense. He did not even know, and whenever he would open up his mouth, he doesn't know enough English to protect himself. Not to that extent, you know. So all those things factored in, I wouldn't tell him because he's the kiss of death. I wanted to see what he liked. Because if he likes somebody, you're dead.

They'll lose automatically. Who do you like in the fight? Well, I honestly didn't know. I've seen a couple of their fights. I gave him the locks and he picked an Invicta chick after I told him. This is how bad he is. This is how bad he is. Go ahead.

I gave him the fucking lock. I bet on it could be. But also, Tony Avinger would go over one and a half. You found out that that don't fucking happen. But it was, all those things came into effect. So, I reached out to a friend of mine

who was taking some action and I just blasted him. Oh, really? And I got the over from, I just blasted him. I thought about it and thought about it like, oh, you've never seen a boogie with a part-time job. It's just not going to work out. So, what was your bet?

I had the over at three rounds, not two and a half. Most people had it. I had it at three rounds and Khabib. So, Khabib wins after three. Yeah, Khabib wins after three. So, Khabib, yeah, Khabib in the over.

How much do you pretend to have it? A nickel on each. Just a 500? Yeah, just to take a chance. I don't bet. I don't do nothing with my life. And you did a parlay? I did a parlay to suck his bets. Really? I would do a parlay. I would do a safe parlay.

That's a safe parlay, but it couldn't have been a safe parlay. Khabib going to take him down in the first round. I thought there was a chance. I thought Khabib would stretch him out, but I also thought there was a chance he could take him down in the first round. I thought Khabib was going to beat him in a decision.

That was like, if you would have put gun to my head, what's going to happen in that fight, I would have said Khabib with a decision. But, you know, once again, Khabib was always going to win that fight. But he's a once-in-a-lifetime type of fighter, Connor. He does create those moments, so it wouldn't have been crazy if we woke up the next day

and Connor knocked him out in 32 seconds. No, it wouldn't have been crazy. Khabib was always going to win that fight. Even though I picked Connor to win on the Fox Sports thing, I don't know. Long story as to why I did that. A guy like that, a striker against a wrestler,

a wrestler of Khabib's level. Unfortunately, I hate to say, because my background's a striker, but a wrestler of that level will always be a striker. And the reason why Khabib dropped him in the second round and started getting the better of him on the feet is because, and I've been there myself,

you're so fucking concerned with the wrestling, okay? You're like, if I throw a punch, they're going to come underneath, they're going to come in and grab my legs. And he's like, do I throw a punch? And you start getting super timid, intensive. And boom, you get fucking blasted in the face because you're thinking about the takedown

and you're waiting for it and you're waiting for it and then you get punched in the face. And that's what happened on Saturday night. That's why he got dropped in the third round. That's why a rematch would probably go the same way because now, not only did he have the physical and skill set advantages, he's also now got the win against him already.

He's got the psychological advantage. So, yeah, that fight was always going to go down that way in my humble opinion. For some reason, people think, I don't like Conn. I like Conn. I think Conn is a great competitor. I think he's a great fighter. He's taken down some great names.

But I also knew there was holes in this game. I also knew- I'm a fat fuck, but I did everything growing up. I did everything growing up. Everything. Five years ago, I walked into a jujitsu studio and they made me do a hip escape.

I thought I was going to have a heart attack. And I walked out of that studio and I go, I'll never go to jujitsu training ever again. And then two blocks away, I said, why not? Am I fucking to pull it? What's the problem? And I would have anxiety on my back

and I kept going back, but something happened along the way. I acquired the respect for how long it takes to be a black belt in jujitsu. It takes a long fucking time. You got to do a lot of things. So when Diaz fought Conn the first time, that's what I kept thinking about.

How hard it is to be a black belt, especially in that school where he's at, where there are animals. There's animals. He's up there with Melendez and Jake Shields and his brother and him. That's why I took him the first time. The second time I was in New Vegas,

so I didn't bet it. This time I just saw- I saw a lot of holes in this game. I saw holes in this game when he fought the boxer. When he fought the boxer, right there, I said every trainer should be bit slapped because he nullified his left.

All that shit they talk about his left, he nullified it. Boxing is a science. And he nullified it. And I think that he carried him for ten rounds between you and I. He was running out of cardio in the third fucking- But that's what they said.

And again, a lot of people have the popular opinion that I don't like Conn. We have the same manager and we used to be kind of pally as we don't talk, but whatever. We had a stupid fucking fallout. And now, you know, I'm a grown- Things change when people get bullied.

A lot of people say, oh, you're jealous of him. Let me just say this right now. There's not a single fucking man on this planet that I'm jealous of, very happy being me. Don't I know it? I'm not saying I don't have issues and stuff, but I've never in my life looked at one person

and thought, oh, God, I wish I was him. I wish I was him. Conn is a very, very, very good fighter. But you said something before that kind of got my attention and it made me think. I mean, you know, as fighters, and Conn comes from, you know, he wasn't born with a silver spoon in his mouth

from what I know comes from a tough area of doubling, right? And that's who he is. He's a fighter, so he fights and he talks shit because he's from that neck of the woods and he's that type of person. I'm very much the same way. When you get some success, it changes everything.

You know, what Hollerfield said, it's hard to get up and run at 5 a.m. when you're sleeping in silk sheets, right? Things do change. But now, with the whiskey, right, that's an even bigger play because, you know, as a fighter, he'll always be remembered. He's definitely a legendary one of the greats, you know,

what he did and he set the world on fire, took mixed martial arts to a new level. But that whiskey shit, if he can get that popping properly, five generations from now, they'll be talking about the McGregor brand of whiskey, the proper 12. I've heard it's horrific. He sold more bottles this last weekend.

He already made his investment. But he's not going to get them. He's not going to get them for another bottle. The whiskey's terrible. I don't know anything about whiskey. I'm not a whiskey drinker. I heard it's terrible as well. I wasn't going to say that.

But if that can take off because of, for whatever reason, then that's a legacy and, you know, a level of money that fighting would never bring. You know what I'm saying? I don't know how much money you've got. It's very tough to be a champion. It's very tough. I felt it myself.

Now, I told you in the beginning that comedy and fighting is an art, so it turned into the same. When you're Amy Schumer, when you're Louis C.K., when you're all those type of comics, you always have a target on your back. Who did you steal from? Who did you steal from?

Why did you steal from? You sold a joke in 1992. Everything comes out, you know? And the same thing comes out in fighting. It's no fucking different, you know? No, for sure. It's no fucking different. So when Rodney started getting busy

and she got knocked out and after the fight she was sitting there, you're thinking about all the time that you fucked around. That, you know, that's why I loved when Connors said I'm not doing any press. It's like us as comics. So I got to fly in it fucking the night before

at three in the morning, California time, to go into a radio and tell jokes. Do that three days in a row. In the old days, yeah, the radio. Especially when you get a podcast that has way more listeners and way more value. This is way before the podcast. Think about when you went into a town.

You got to get up three days in a row at six o'clock. Even though you snorted blow the night before, even though you ate at the waitress' asshole, whatever you did the night before, they picked you up at six and you did radio till 12, went back to your hotel and then went back at 3.30. That shit picks away from your stand. No, for sure it does.

And just like the success in the fighting and everybody wanting a piece of you, wanting to go on this TV show, this talk show, meeting sponsors, appearances, signings, checks, checks, money. When you come from a background where you have to fight, it's hard to say no to that shit. Which actually Connors did a very good job of doing so,

certainly in this training camp. When I was the champ and I was training to fight Dan Henderson, I was in England filming a movie at the same time I'm flying to Montenegro doing other shit at the weekends while still training for a fight and I did still do it. I trained very hard, but that's not ideal.

The fucking, you know, that's different because he was an older guy as well, do you know what I mean? But if it was a young fucking up and comer, they'd be laughing thinking, you know, they'd be at the gym at 6am, they'd be running and doing all this. I'm getting my training in, but in between filming a movie and doing other shit, you know, but it's the opportunities

that come to you as a champion, they're hard to turn down and for me, I was towards the end of my career, thinking, well, I'm going to do all this to set myself up so I can walk away. And also didn't sort of the media responsibilities that had to have set you up for what you're doing now, which with the podcasting,

we did a radio show for years, all the UFC tonight shit, all, you know, you did so much media, I'm sure the first time you did an interview with a microphone in front of your face, I would love to go back and say it. I remember it was KJ7, I think it was my third ever MMA fight and, you know,

they do a little bit of promo and they stick a camera in my face and I'm like, and as I said, a little town that I talked about, I still hadn't really, I hadn't left there, I'd never been to London, you know what I mean? I was like, I was a small town boy and yeah, they took a camera and, you know, I'm fucking, it was my third fight,

you know, I didn't give a fuck, but Babylon was supposed to fight their champion and Babylon got injured and wasn't fighting and they're like, fuck, the champion needs someone. So they brought me in as cannon fodder just to get beat up and I went down and they took, I had no idea how big it was. I was fighting two, like, two small sports halls

and the next minute, I mean, London at Wembley Arena, which is like kind of a legendary place. Jesus. That's your third fight? Yeah, yeah. Jesus. That's pretty crazy, dude. Yeah, well, I fucked up the other two guys

in 30 seconds and they're like, people were talking, you know, and they're like, bring that northern ring, bring him down here, we'll fuck him up and they took a camera in my face and I'm like, a frozen, they're like, what do you want to say, you want to send him a message or a worst delivery or worst line ever?

I'm like, well, I just want to say good luck, because you're going to need it. The worst line, the most clichéd line I've ever said, just want to say good luck, because you're going to need it. Like, all gay. Now, how much of a fight did you have before the USC came going?

So, in England, the answer to that is none. But what I did, that's why I started martial arts at eight and I was obsessed with it. And I started doing Japanese jiu-jitsu, which is, you know, they do everything in Japanese jiu-jitsu.

All martial arts took something away from Japanese jiu-jitsu and amplified it and made it better. So we did everything, we did grappling, striking, takedowns, break falls, fucking weapons, numb chokes, swords, you name it, we did everything. And that's what Japanese jiu-jitsu is. It's a fascinating martial art.

And we started doing this competition called Knock Down Sport Budo, which my trainer, my sensei, should I say, organized. And that was MMA. But that term, MMA, didn't exist. No gloves, punches, kicks, takedowns, everything, submissions.

And there were international tournaments and, you know, I was fighting grown men at 15 years old from fucking Sweden or whatever in these tournaments and I'd win them all. And I never lost a martial art tournament in my life as a kid, you know. But then, as I say,

got out of it and started, you know, being an asshole and hanging out and partying. The fucking turd temple's called. Yeah, but I was bored of it. And I was 16, I was like, fuck this, you know, bowing to somebody and all that shit. I started partying and doing all that stuff. And then, you know,

then I wanted to make some money for my family. I knew I could fight. And then, you know, I had a lot of success in martial arts and I was a bit of a toll rag when I was a kid. You know, I was always getting into fights. So I knew I could fight and then someone told me there was money to be made in the UFC.

So I was like, well, let's give this a shot then. And as I say, long story, third fight, there I was at Wembley Arena. Won that, that was the cage rage title. And then I had seven more fights in quick succession, so I was 10 and 0. And then there was auditions for the UFC for the ultimate fighter.

Yeah, so I went down to that. Unfortunately, I sound like such a bragging bastard here, but fortunately, everyone else that was auditioning at Light Heavyweight had knocked out in the first round. So it wasn't really much of an audition process. Do you know what I mean? I'm like, really?

These guys? Come on. So yeah. How many fights did you have in the UFC? 29 or 29? 29. Is this still the most or now? I think Jim Miller just got the most wins.

I think he's got 30 now. But I still got the most, no, no, no. He got the most fights, but I've still got the most wins. Who's on your heels? No, no, me and GSB are tied for the most wins. Oh, yeah. Was it 29 wins? No, no, I wish it was 29 wins.

I don't know what it was, like 22 or something like that. I'm not sure. Honestly, I don't know. I don't follow my record, you know. I'm not sure. Believe it or not, not a big name. Matt Hamill. Yes, yes.

So we were on the same season. And... For me, when I was younger, fighting was everything. That's all I had. My family had no money. I had nothing. I was bullied all the time for being poor and shit like that because we grew up in kind of a nice neighborhood. And I hated it.

So all I had was the fact that I could beat anyone else up. And that's what fueled me in life, you know. And I'd seen a lot of violence. So when I went on The Ultimate Fighter, fucking this guy was my main competition. By far, he was great. His wrestling was ridiculous and we're not wrestling in England. If he just touched it, you're gonna fly him through the air.

His wrestling was that good. So because I was such a competitor, you know, we were butting heads all the time and we didn't get along. Now, you know, I wish him the best. I'm sure he's a great guy. Anyway, we didn't fight on the show. We got injured. I ended up winning the whole thing. I had a few fights in the UFC.

I was 75 at the old two arena. And like a typical cocky bastard. I remember walking out, waving at everybody, waving at my mom, all smiles, thinking I'm gonna wipe the floor with this guy. Fight starts. We go out there. I don't know. A minute into it, he's got me in a headlock here and just

doof, doof, doof repeatedly. Like you would to your little brother, right? Blood pouring out my fucking nose, everyone. I'm thinking this is not going to plan. And he beat the fucking living day like it's out of me. Now, next couple of rounds, I did just enough to make it a competitive fight. I ended up getting the decision.

A lot of people were pissed off, pissed about the decision. It was a super close fight, you know. But yeah, probably Matt Hamill. Which isn't like one of the superstar names you want to hear. You know, and people want to hear like Anderson Silver or whatever. That was a tough one. He's the guy that got the squad.

Yeah, he's got the win on John Jones. Which is ridiculous. That should be a no contest, but whatever. No, I think we should give Matt Hamill the fucking special trophy. He's got like an MMA school somewhere now. That's a picture of him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, he's got it zoomed in on his showdog record. And that is like in like a big photo. Big lump on his head. He's also deaf. He was amazing. He was great, but he couldn't hear. No, he was very deaf. Yeah, he was very deaf.

He was very fucking deaf. Because we'd be on the ultimate fight for the same team and we'd be training. And this was like why we wouldn't get along. Because we'd be training and shit and we'd be sparring him. End of the round. So we'd stop and I'd stop. Bang, man, he fucking ended up punching me in the face.

I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? What are you doing? And he had an interpreter there giving him fucking signs and everything. And not to mention the fact that they say when you're deaf you got a heightened sense of your surroundings. The thing that when everybody in the room

stopped fighting, he'd realized that oh, we've stopped, but he'd still get a couple of sucker punches in on me. And I'm like, what the fuck, man? And he's like, no, no, no, no, he's deaf. He's like, oh, sorry, I didn't realize. And I'm like, fuck this, you fucking knew. You fucking knew you cheap shot him, motherfucker.

And his interpreter was just trashing you. He was like, yeah, what a bitch. I'm like, you're going to get it outside. You're going to fucking get it. I'm going to break your fingers. Stop doing that. What? Stop being funny, bitch.

You know, there's people that are still fighting that when you hear them talk, you can tell that they're going to have a long, a couple of years from now. I don't see that with you. No, no, for sure. You know, sometimes when I'm doing my podcast,

I feel very sharp. When I do the podcast sometimes, I kind of listen and I think, fuck, am I slurring my words? Because I don't feel like my thinking isn't slurred. My thinking, I think way too fast and five steps ahead of my mouse able to carry me. I talk too fast all the time.

You're the guy that busted some Holloway, right? Holloway. Yes. On the interview. How did you know he was concussed? I didn't know if he was concussed. We were doing an interview. We come up on the big screen and he's on there and he's like and he was like, and prior to like the studio making our sound

you know, go through to him, I was whispering to Kenny, I was saying, fuck, man. I said, he doesn't look good. You know, Max is a great guy. I know Max. Max is a great guy. He's the best. Awesome guy. So we start and I'm like, you know, we have cards in front of us

of what questions we've got to say that we've arranged in the production meeting beforehand. But I'm like, I can't go off this shit. I've got to ask him. I said, yo, Max, you feeling good? I can't remember what I said. I said, you feeling good, buddy? He's like, yeah, I'm like, because you look like you're following your words, you're good.

He's like, oh, yeah, I'm good. I'm good. I'm like, all right, all right. And then afterwards I sent him a message because I felt bad because I was like, I had injuries, but you still want to fight. As a fighter, you don't give a fuck about your injuries and you still want to go and that's that's the fighter inside you.

And I thought if somebody was highlighting one of my injuries on TV, I'd be pissed at that guy. So afterwards I felt bad. I was like, yo, Max, sorry, man. But by this point, the news had broken that he had a concussion and shit and he wasn't able to fight.

And he messaged me back. He said, no, thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Because of that, I'm not fighting and I want to say thank you. So he took it so well. He's a great guy. When did he get concussed that afternoon? No, I think it was... I don't know this from the horse's mouth,

but I think a few days prior, what I heard on the grapevine round the UFC, he got knocked out in training a few days before. But I could be wrong there. That's what someone told me. That's what I was hearing, yeah. You know, I think it was not this card or the last one. I don't want to mention any names.

I looked at the card and I saw a name on there that you could tell he's already gone. Yes, it's... And I was like, why are they letting this poor bastard fight? And he lost again. And it's like there comes a point where you could tell you don't have to be a genius. It's something the screws are on.

Yeah, no, for sure. Were you scared of it at any point? No, I wasn't. I never was. I was always fearless. You know, as a fighter... You can't. You can't have that mindset. You can't have that mindset. No, you can't. I retire because this idea is fucked.

It's fucked. But I see fighters out there and they fight a certain way. And, you know, it's not smart. It's like a professional fighting, skilled fighting. It's to hit and not get hit. You know, all this fucking bravado

or I don't care, man, I'll take one to get in there. No, it's stupid. As you said, boxing is a sweet science. There's a science to fighting. There's a science to martial arts. You know, a lot of people in the UFC, I'm not saying I'm not a knucklehead because I've certainly had my moments out

like an idiot sometimes. But there's a lot of people that aren't martial arts to fighters, you know, and they go out there and fight for the UFC and I enjoy it and it's exciting as hell. But I worry for those guys that do that and fight that way because, as you say, you can see it with some guys as well

and I don't want to say anything. You can see it. And there's a genetic disposition to it as well. Oh, there is. Because there's guys who take a lot of... Dude, you've had a... We were talking about one of the most fights in the UFC.

You've been in a lot of fucking wars as well. You know, I think that, you know, it depends on the way you're made up. I think some people smoke cigarettes their entire life. They get cancer, right? And it's just, it is what it is. No, it's 50-50. They smoke more cigarettes in China

than what we do here and they have less percentage of cancer. Really? Is that true? That's insane. That's fucking insane. And all that type of shit. You never know what your jaw is going to take. It could be three punches or 20

until you start getting a glass jaw. You never know. Same thing with your coconut. How many... As an offensive center in football, how many times can you hit in the head as a fucking linebacker

as a quarterback? I was watching a game the other day. You can't barely touch the quarterback no more. Right, yeah. You can't barely touch him no more. It's a lot of times after a fight when I've lost badly and I have no idea

what's going on. But I'm smart enough to know to act that I'm okay. You know what I mean? So I'm trying to piece everything together very carefully and as to what's going on and then a couple of days later I think back to that.

I'm like, fuck, man, I was so out of it and you do an interview and you talk to people and you don't know what's going on. And I was backstage and I had no idea what happened. I don't know why at four. I thought I was fighting in three months. I thought I was sent to my manager.

Why did I fight? I was like, what do you mean? I was like, I wasn't fighting tonight. He's like, dude, we've got to get you to the hospital. I'm like, no, no, no, I'm good. I get in the shower. Second night I'd walk out and they'd go, come here. Because everyone was around there.

UFC people, doctors and shit. And I said, I'm good. Two minutes later, come here, come here. What's going on? And this went on for a while and they were trying to get me to the hospital. I was denied, I said, no, no, I'm good, I'm good. Anyway, long story short, it took me to the hospital.

I shared an ambulance with Frank Muir after he'd just had his ass kicked off, brought Lezda. And we're both in the back of the ambulance feeling like sorry motherfuckers and I'm like, hey, what's up, Frank? And then I was like, motherfuckers, what's up? And now I realize, now I know.

It's a tough game, it's a tough game and you've got to know when to get out. The end of the story is that Frank Muir was never in that van. Yeah, exactly. Frank's like, I've never met this being. He's out of his mind. What the fuck were you thinking about to go get into the act of gun or whatever you did?

Oh man, on this guy? Oh yeah. I did for Alice Mania, which is a... Jason Alice is a radio personality, Sirius XM, who I've known a little while now. And yeah, I did the first ever MMA, comedian fight. They never did MMA. It was always like boxing between like fans and shit

and they have like roller skating fights and fucking stupid. It's just dumb, right? Yeah, so I'm cornering him. DT, he told me that it was going to be a real MMA fight. I did not say it was going to be a real MMA fight. No, you said it's an MMA fight. I went to train him in all this.

All right, cool, yeah, whatever. I respect you, Lewis, you know, and he was pushing himself and he was training and he was doing all this. I did. And I was like, oh fuck, this guy's taking it seriously. He comes down to my house and, you know, whatever, we did a couple of training sessions, drove him to Vegas, he's getting on like, you know,

my weight, my weight, fucking hell. We did the scales and blah, blah, blah. But I'm like, he's getting on like I was for fucking like the biggest fight of my life. You'd think he was fighting Khabib at the weekend, right? In the biggest pay-per-view of all time. We get there, we're checking into the hotel and I know how this feels because

when you check into a hotel and your room's not ready, it's annoying as fuck. I check in, my room's ready, Lewis's room's not ready. And he's like, what the fuck, because he was due to be on the scale to weigh in in about 30 minutes and he had to cut a little bit of weight. And he's freaking out and this and that and I'm like, Lewis, it's okay, it's okay, just come up to my room

and cut it, they said, no, this is bullshit, this shouldn't be happening. He has a breakdown. He's got his hands and knees in the lobby of the hard rock. Suitcase open, throwing shit everywhere, looking for his fucker. I still do this day don't know what he was looking for. Shorts or something to weigh in. Sweet sweat.

What are you doing? Get off the fucking... I said to Lewis, Lewis, listen, listen, you've got to enjoy this process, man. That's what my coach said to me. When I took the world title fight two weeks notice, I always stressed, I was stressing myself out. By the way, I knew you were going to fucking win. No, thank you very much.

Something in the air, he was too cocky and Luke. And you fight for your life. Well, thank you very much. But Jason, I always stress out in training camps because I want to win, you know, and I feel the pressure and Parillo pulled me to one side and said, Mike, listen, it's only a two-week training camp. Can you calm down? Enjoy this process.

He said, who knows? Maybe you never fight for a world title ever again, you know. So let's enjoy it. You know, let's enjoy this moment. And I thought, do you know what? He's absolutely right. It was fantastic advice. And I did it. It was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. So I go up to Lewis and I'm like, Lewis,

I might never fight in the UFC. Sorry, I might never have another MMA fight again. But this is a big moment for you. You're here, there's a weight out there, you know. Lose the chip on your shoulder. Enjoy this process. And he looked to me like he wanted to kill me and basically said, go fuck yourself.

You should have brought the scale, Mike. You didn't bring the scale. You were supposed to bring the fucking scale. It was his idea to bring the scale. He was like, we're not going to bring the fucking scale, Mike. What was weight? It was like five pounds. I weighed in at two or 2.6. But I didn't know.

And we were late. And when I'm running late, when I'm in root, dude, I'm really rude to cab drivers because if I'm running late for something. He was a cunt. I wanted to beat the piss out of him. I was like, oh, my God, I was biting my tongue so hard. I'm like, I don't want to fuck him up. I'm like, this motherfucker, I'm driving him to bags.

I'm putting him up. I'm taking him for physical therapy. I'm doing this. I'm driving him. I'm picking him up in LA. I finished UFC tonight. He's sitting in my car right now. He's taking me to a Starbucks. I'm like, wow, taking him down to my house. My wife's cooking, taking him everywhere, driving to Vegas,

kicking off, throwing shit everywhere in the hard rock. I'm like, the fuck is going on with this guy? Because I don't get spoken to like that. And I don't accept it because I tell people to fuck off. But I like Lewis and I have respect for him. I'm a future legend. So I'm like, all right, but I'm biting my fucking tongue. I'm like, this motherfucker.

And anyway, long story short, he's warming up for the fight. I turn up. It's my wife's anniversary, 19 years. But still, you know, I got cornered Lewis. It's not 20. Shut up. It's not the big one. And I'm in there. And Kyle Kingsbury is the main event.

Okay. He's dancing in silver, like Speedo. Silver Speedos, high on magic mushrooms, dancing to the dirty dancing, the dirty dancing soundtrack. High as a fucking kite. I'm like, what's going on?

Look out, there's guys on roller skates punching each other in the face while the whole crowd throws dodgeballs. Okay. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And I'm wrapping his hands. He's like, no, it's too tight. Do it again. I'm like, oh, okay.

Wrap his hands. It's too tight. I'm like, what the fuck, man? I broke my hand a week before. This fucking pussy. I have a broken hand. But there's like midgets in the fucking ring where he was fighting boxing Jason Ellis, but he had to take mushrooms.

And I'm thinking to myself, a few months ago, I was main event Madison Square Garden against George St. Pierre. Fuck me, how the mighty have fallen. Is this what he's come to? Fuck my life right now. But he was great.

He went out there, performed. It was a great performance. How did you get into a beef with this? It wasn't in a beef. Got personal for a while though, for a minute. It did though. Auri Shafir and Sam Tripoli were supposed to fight each other at this event.

And Sam sort of sparked this little beef between me and Ryan. He was like, these guys should fight because Ryan apparently was a tech window black belt. And he always talked about wanting to get into a fight. And me, I'm just a dickhead. I do an MMA podcast. I've never trained a day in my life. I was a golf kid in high school.

There was no athleticism in my life. A golf kid. We had a poor upbringing. We were on the golf team. Highliner, long hair, male and masculine t-shirts, drummer and a band. I wasn't like a fucking tough guy kid. I was the toughest out of the goth kids.

So I'll protect my fat goth friends. You know what I'm saying? But I've always wanted to fight and I've always wanted to test myself and see what would happen. I've always been willing to, if somebody talks shit, just been willing to fight. As a dude, I don't know.

So if somebody starts going fucking crazy on a train car, certain people step up and fucking say, hey, dude, shut the fuck up. I'm one of those guys, right? So you're all mouth, no action is what you're saying. You're one of those fucking assholes. No, that's not true.

But no, I'm talking about if somebody, I know you are. So he sort of set it off on Twitter and I made a joke. I was like, I fear no clown. Meaning I'll fight any fucking comic. So then he talked about it on his podcast and then it became this thing.

I didn't know this guy at all. I'd never met him at that point. And we just started talking shit back and forth here and there. And then eventually just turned into, dude, I'll fight you at this fucking event. If you want to do it, we'll train for three months. We'll do it. And the reality is like,

I think it was a really cool thing to just test myself as a dude. Did you train for three months? I trained for three months. I did turn away. He put himself through a proper training camp. I was very impressed how serious he was taking it. That's why I was so fucking

my mind exploded when I saw the event. Because I thought we were going to one of those low level fights at the hard rock at the joint, you know what I mean? Legit MMA. I was like, oh, fucking cool, man. Right on, Lewis. Yeah, respect. Get there, mind explodes.

It's a shit show. It was a lot of fun. It's not nobody's taking it super seriously. I didn't think it was stupid. I think that you learned something. I would love to be able to fucking go to Jiu Jitsu Tournament. I'm petrified.

Petrified to go and just do a masters blue belt thing. Yeah. For sure. I mean, I understand that. I mean, as I said earlier. But I know if I go, I will fucking improve so much. 100%. You need to set those goals.

I mean, it's like, I lost a shit ton. I'm doing a special in December. I'm from in New York. Do you know how much training for that fight helped me with the special? Absolutely. Preparing and thinking. I prepared for a fight. I got myself physically ready to go

three, three minute rounds. I learned Jiu Jitsu and I was tapping out blue belts that were fucking training for a year and a half, two years. I was doing shit. Are you still going? I was in the fight, broke my hand ten days before. That's why I kept on having to rewrap my hand.

It was a great moment though. I was like, I gotta rewrap it again. I'm not fucking wrapping your hand again. Your hand fucking hurts. It's not going to hurt as soon as you walk out there. You know, the adrenaline. You're not going to feel it, buddy. I can't wrap your hand the perfect way.

You're saying it's hurt. If your hand's hurt, your hand's hurt. Wrapping it isn't going to make it any better. When you're out there, you're not going to feel a goddamn thing. And you've got no more fucking bandages. You know, we're all out. We're going through 75. We're using masking tape. A thousand rolls of tape. We're done.

I got out there. As soon as I stepped out there, I didn't think about my hand, my shoulder. It was fucking crazy. He did great. He did. Before his eyes off. It's on YouTube. It was a really cool experience. Dude, I don't know.

I sort of psyched myself up in my head about what it meant to set a goal and accomplish it and teaching that to my son and what that means. And then I started going, this guy's trying to fucking take that away from my son. That lesson. I don't know when you have that. It was a crazy type of motivation that I had.

And I think you need to get in shape. It was fucking great. But also just to hit a goal and be so specific about it. But that's what I miss about fighting. People say, you said to me before, do you miss it? It's exciting and all the rest of it and the money's good and blah.

That's what I do. But no, not really. I want to be successful. I've got a lot of things going on outside the octagon. So I'm happy in that regard. But I do miss the fact that when you've got a fight and you've got to train for a fight and you've got to do a fight camp

and you've got to win the fight and you get your team together at the start of the camp and you sit down and your wife makes dinner for everybody and you play the fights and we all sit down, we strategize and we come up with a game plan and we've set a plan and we get the whiteboard out and we figure out the fucking training regime

and all this is very scientific and you're on a mission and you've got a team and you're on a mission and it's exciting. That's what I miss. You're hitting a real goal. We're all working towards one goal flying out to fucking China or wherever to take on Kung Lee on August 14th

and then we're all going to fight together and I miss that side of it. I miss the quest and the mission side of it. It's a beautiful thing in that regard. When you were tired, you said I'm staying an announcer or any other things that you like to do.

Yeah, I mean, obviously I do the podcast with Lewis which is blowing up massively and I thoroughly enjoy it. I do a lot of stuff with Fox and soon it's going to be ESPN so I'll be switching over to ESPN which is a shame, great time at Fox.

UFC just recently offered me a commentating contract as well. I do a lot of acting. I do wholesome TV shows. Just hosted a massive show which is going to break soon on Netflix. I'm involved with a sports gambling company, a fancy sports company called Playland

that's blowing up like crazy. Got UFC gyms. I just bought the rights to UFC gym in England. We're opening 110 gyms in England over the next 10 years. I've got a lot of things going on. Good for you. I'm not going to see you as a high school jailer.

That's another reason why I felt safe to step away now. Because I should have retired a long time ago but I wasn't ready. I wasn't financially there. I hadn't networked enough. I knew I was always on borrowed time ever since my eye got fucked up.

I was just trying to stack chips, make contacts, network, set myself up and that's what I was trying to do the whole time. When I came to a point where I was ready I was comfortable to step away from the studios in New York to record a copy of the podcast.

I was on the plane and I was watching this movie called The Journeyman this English actor and director Patti Considante and he plays a boxer that was a world champion and he wins the fight and he goes home to his wife and he's sitting there and he's having a cup of tea after the fight

and he's chatting to his wife. He ends up getting brain damage and he's fucked in a big way. I've had a lot of injuries just staying worth it, man. How much money is going to be enough? How many fights do you need? How much does your ego need?

My friend said to me, if you lost your vision because I have problems with my good eye as well every time I turn like that I get flashes in my eye and floaters all the time he said, if you went blind there's no amount of money that you wouldn't give to get your vision back.

So just not worth it and then when I was watching that movie it fucking hit home. And I got on the podcast straight away and I said, yeah, I'm retired. He told me literally minutes before we got on the podcast he was like, I'm going to announce my retirement. You were talking about possibly doing it

and you were thinking about it for a little while. I was flirting with the idea but I was going out for a while. You were flirting with the idea before you got the title shot. No, for sure I was, yeah. But I was flirting with seriously doing it. I was like, I'll have one more. I'll have one more, you know. There was some closeness.

That's huge. For me it was a big thing. And how much did that help you with setting up everything as well? I know because we did the podcast together. It was huge. But for me it was more of a personal thing when I won the title because

I don't like to go on and fucking feel sorry for myself but when I was younger it's all a hot and that's what I pride in myself on which is a stupid thing to pride yourself on because I don't hate anyone in a fight, you know. But it was all I fucking had.

And then I got to the UFC and I was a loudmouth asshole and I talked a lot of shit, you know. And, you know, I was just in the moment. But you had parameters. No, of course, of course. But everyone said he'll never win the belt. This guy's not good enough.

Yeah, he's tough but he'll never do it and that's all everyone ever said. Everyone ever said. You have no idea how much that ever motivated me. I'm so proud of the action of looking to all the fighters in the division, all the critics, all the reporters, all the journalists, my teachers at fucking school, everyone saying

fuck you, look at me now. There you go. A fuck you is a big motivator in life. No, of course it is. It's a big fuck. I think about Mr. LaFever, my principal, almost every day, anytime I cash a check,

anytime I do anything I feel accomplished, they remember him telling me he said those words and I graduated from this high school and then I went on to fucking do, and I'm not gonna shit on teachers or principals, but I think something pretty fucking extraordinary compared to a principal of some fucking shitty high school. Yeah, for sure.

By the way, for some adult to ever get to a point where first of all you're teaching kids you're the principal, you're the dude that's supposed to inspire the teachers of your children to get to a point where you're gonna tell a kid in your school they'll never graduate from your school. That's fucking New York City.

Listen, come here, you're a fucking man. Yeah, but it's fucked up dude. And you know what, to a certain degree, some people do need to have their parameters set, you know, and their expectations are limited. Well, I was a fat goth kid, and I ran her on, he was right. Yeah, he was right, man.

I was at the same thing. I'm all about inspiring the next generation of shit, but let's be honest, the guy's walking into walls over there, okay? He's never gonna fucking be the next CEO of Apple, okay? Happy with the job at McDonald's. You know, it's so weird how I always... My goal with comedy was not

to be Louis C.K. or Richard Pryor, it was just not to make it be a waste of my time. I never thought about being a millionaire, I never thought about that stuff. I just never wanted the time I put in. It's like when you're doing comedy eight years and you quit, that's gonna haunt you for the rest of your fucking life. You gotta play the hand out to the end.

Dude, you meet people that quit in comedy, it's bizarre. I meet them all the time in my heart stops. My heart stops. How would you feel if me and Michael Bisbing were training at that same karate school and, you know, the honest reality of it? I used to like Bisbing up and training.

All of a sudden, now, I'm an engineer and Michael Bisbing is the world champion of the UFC. Yeah, yeah. You quit because you knocked the girl up. Yeah, you quit your dream. She told you out of it and you quit your dream. You feel like today, that you were really like Michael Bisbing. Well, because that's the thing.

Anybody who does stand-up comedy, I don't know about fighting, but it's probably the truth for fighting as well. To the point where you're putting yourself at risk, you know, career-wise, where you're taking the real chance and I've run into a few people where they quit and you see it on their face and you know they gave up their dream. Because you don't put a few years into something like stand-up comedy, which fucking sucks in the beginning, if it's not your dream.

If you don't want to be Richard Pryor up there, or what the fuck it is that you inspired you, you're looking at somebody who actually gave up on the dream and you know it and they know you know it and that sucks. Nothing bothers me more when I hang out with you for three or four years and we talk comedy. And one night we actually go get a sandwich and we talk about comedy and then three years later,

I walk into an audition and you're the guy working the camera. Oh, yeah. Or you become a producer or you become a director. You want to light my fire up. That lights my fire up. I can't be judgmental. I just, I don't know. You know, for me, when I got into fighting,

I remember sitting with my dad and game planning it because MMA was nothing in the UK. It was nothing. There was no fucking scene whatsoever. And everybody said, if you're getting into MMA for money, you're making a big mistake and that was the only reason why I was doing it, the only fucking reason. And the goal was to make enough money to be able to go to college and study something

and then be able to get a real job down the fucking line, you know what I mean, as opposed to the shitty dead fucking factory. Well, I know, but it wasn't a bad dream to me. To me, it was a dream of that, you know, I'll be able to get a decent job. Just to learn something though. Because the UFC, even back then, there wasn't a lot of money being thrown around in 2003.

You know what I mean? You know, it wasn't like now. You know, especially for a kid from England, there's no shows in England or nothing. You know what I mean? If I could make enough money, if I could maybe get, you know, 50 grand put away and then go to college, fund the family for a few years.

When you were going to college, what would you have? No fucking idea. No fucking idea. No idea. But that was a stupid fucking thing. That is what I'm going to do. Okay, I'm going to be a cage fighter earning enough money in go to college.

When you were DJing, did you ever say to yourself, man, maybe I'll go to college and be a lawyer? Yeah, well, I signed up, but I was an idiot. I was an idiot. I could never follow anything to be a structural engineer. Structural engineer. How about you, Louis? But I didn't make it to the first fucking class.

No. I didn't make it. The enrollment process was too much for me, you know, because I had to get in a bus and go to Blackburn, which is another town, and calls, and be organized. I didn't even fucking get that far. What was your first dream? What was your first dream?

My first dream. My college and then a lawyer, maybe. I never wanted to. I was, I was, I really got into music when I was a kid. I was a drummer and a band, Salty Blackflower. And yeah, we, it was always like, dude, I fucking grew up. When did you grow up? I was so aware of money when I was like four.

I'm, my kid now, I said to him the other day, I was like, yeah, I grew up poor, James. He's five. He goes, what's poor? And it was just an adorable sentence. I was like, what's poor? Like, he has no idea. He has no understanding of what money is or what, you know,

but the time I was five, I knew my mom was on welfare. I knew we were on food stamps. I knew I was aware that we didn't make money, that we were like, you know, it was a fucked up thing. So I was like, I was like, I don't know, like the first real dream. I wanted to be a pro wrestler when I was a kid. I wanted to be Jean-Claude Van Damme.

You are. So bad. You made it, dude. No, I know, but I wanted to be a martial arts movie actor. That's what I wanted to be. So bad. Yeah. I didn't want to, I mean, yeah.

Which I'm not far off fucking doing by the way. You could do that. So I'm pretty happy. No, we've got a great martial arts movie at the end of the year coming out called Triple Threat. It's going to be sick. Check it out. My dog died halfway through making it.

So you see the halfway through the movie? Tony Jar, Eco Waze, he's a really good martial artist. Tiger Chan, Michael Jar White, Scott Adkins. It's got what they claim is the best martial arts cast available today. How cool is Michael Jar White? Cool as fuck. Great guy.

I didn't see him eating dinner and I didn't say nothing, but I know he's friends with Eddie. I didn't say a fucking word. He was with his wife and he got up and he goes, you joined karate? What's happening? Yeah. I started talking to him like I knew him for 10 years.

He doesn't like dogs though. I'll tell you, he doesn't like dogs because when my dog died, you're crying and you want to talk about it, don't you? Anyway, stop, stop. So like we're sitting there, it's hot as fuck. We're in the wind. You see how much his dog affects him? We've mentioned it, but then you mentioned Michael Jar White

and the stories actually tell it. As I say, he's the man. He's a great guy. He's a gentleman. He's an awesome human being he really is. But as I say, he's not a lover of dogs because my dog's died and I'm trying to not cry. And we're sitting there in between takes

and I want to talk about it because he's on my mind. I'm like, yo, Mike, he's like, yeah, what's up? I'm like, I'm a fucking dog down, man. I just had to put my dog down and he goes, oh yeah? So yeah, he goes, oh. And then looked away and that was it. And I was like, fuck. And anyway, I was like, yeah, I'm almost crying inside.

So anyway, so anyway, so anyway, so anyway, so anyway, so a few hours later, we're back in the same position. It's just me and him there again. And I'm like, oh, I'm thinking it's my dog. I just put him down a few hours ago. And I'm like, I want to talk about it, but he wasn't interested before. But maybe he didn't quite understand me because of my accent.

You know, I, yo, Mike, he's like, what's up? I'm like, ah, fuck, man. I had to put my dog down before. And he goes, yeah, you told me. I'm like, all right, okay, you're not a dog guy. I'd have felt like such a nozzle. What do you like doing with his kids? I love it.

You like it? You like them? I love it. Yes, sadly, I got a text from Donald Sarone. Okay. Not a text, an email. And he goes, they're looking for you to do this movie, but you got to do it on Monday. Oh, yeah.

And I had you guys. I was like, I'm not going. You should have done the movie, man. No. I haven't got many times. No. Not me. There's some things that you do.

There's some things. It was a six hour flight from West Palm, five hour flight from West Palm that night. I would have had to go home, change clothes, hug my kid, and get another plane to Utah and then a connecting flight to Idaho Falls. And then an hour drive to the location. Listen, guys, no.

I love doing movies, but I don't like going crazy. I love it. There's no more. I have such a freedom with the podcast, and I've done so many good projects and so many shitty projects that now I'm really picky. And I know exactly what I'm getting.

That's great. That's a dream, by the way. I know. Every morning and doing what the fuck you want to do. Listen, whatever his name said it best. What the fuck is that saying? Walt Disney. No, about that fucking...

It's when you can go from area to area with full enthusiasm. Winston Churchill said, success is when you can go from area to area with enthusiasm. That's why you could never be a fucking DJ full time until you were 65. I hate it.

He's also got a British rhythm. Well, no. But the whole thing is there's some people... You'd be surprised. I want to see it. There's some people that want to do a few different things, you know. It wasn't exactly what you went for.

You think I wasn't going to get into the long... Did you think I thought I'd get into the longest yard when I moved here? I thought I would be an extra at best, ever. Like, if I became an extra in a movie, I'd be great. And I booked a national commercial. I'm like, how the fuck did this happen?

So you never really fucking know until. And I loved acting for years until it just got to the point where I'd rather say my own lines than say somebody else's fucking lines. Especially when they're the shitty fucking lines. Yeah. No, I know.

It's a fucking nightmare. I do a lot of auditions right now, and I prepare for them. I work with Max and Carlton. I do good auditions these days, but even still some of the lines on my phone. Fuck sake, this is ridiculous. You know what my strength is?

Auditioning. I fuck a room. You kill in auditions? Kill psychologically. I know the psychological part of it. You got to get the people to like you. If you get the book that'll like you. I go early and I sit by the door

and I listen to what the three fucking idiots are saying. And I know how to stretch a line out into two lines. That's because I went on five years. I went on all the major auditions. And until one day that I took the stage and I combined it into your audition. So it started clicking for me. Once I took what I did on stage

and put into an audition, I would go in for these one-liners and I go, I can't book a one-liner. Hey, it's great to meet you. I couldn't book that until I figured out how to turn those one lines into two lines and stay in that room a lot longer than everybody else. The key is to stay in that room.

When you go to an audition, you see people walking in. You see people walking in and out. You're heartbroken. You don't want to be one of those people. Oh, I want to be one of those people. I'm like, oh my God, please. I don't have to do another take. No, I love booking the job.

It's not a good sign. I don't book any jobs. Have you ever seen me on TV, motherfuckers? You like that, you want to do another. How do you feel about it? That's a good sign. They want you to do better. I do everything but touch the casting director.

I kick chairs, I fly over tables. Nah, the 90s. One time I ripped my pants and my ball sack fell out. I had no underwear. They saw the Cube and I growing. They hired me. What's that show on CBS for years?

How I dated your mother. If you ever see me on there, I'm an extra. They hired me because my balls came on and they left. When I got there, it was the wrong type. The director was like, we don't want this fucking guy. These balls are too small. It was a pleasure having both of you. Absolutely. Thanks, Joey.

What's the name of the podcast? Believe You May. You do it twice a week now. Sometimes twice a week. Once in a while, three times a week. Who knows? Who knows what the fuck happens? We do it. We do it.

You can get it for free everywhere you get podcasts for free. You can download it and watch it on YouTube. The latest few episodes are always on YouTube. It's great, dude. See you tomorrow night at the comedy store. Tomorrow night comedy store. I gotta go to a great Garcia thing first for the guest book and then I'll shoot over there.

I love it, dude. Also, I'm running my hour. I'm filming my special. Louis J. Gomez presents Louis J. Gomez December 9th in New York City. How narcissistic is that? Michael Bissman presents Michael Bissman. We know your name, dickhead.

That's the joke. I'm doing it at the cutting room. Which is a really cool rock club in New York. I'm going to be touring. If you go to Louis J. Gomez, I'm touring all over the country right now. I'm running at the La Jolla Comedy store on Thursday night.

I'll be in Philly. I'll be in Atlantic City. I'll be in La Jolla Thursday night. You, congratulations on your retirement. I appreciate it, buddy. A gentleman outside the octagon and inside the octagon. I still remember you busting my balls

after you beat up Mayhem Miller. Where is Mayhem Miller? Is he doing time? I have no idea. He's got to be either doing time or he's not on Twitter. I don't know, man. What did I say to you after that?

You came to the table In the restaurant? Yes. And then you even did a Joy Karate video. Oh, did I? Yeah. You were having a good time. We were sitting there

and you came over to the table and you were gentlemen. I'm like, wow. You guys are just weird. But you're always very nice. Then we took that plane that morning and you fucking smelt the tremendous when he got there.

I'm like, this motherfucker's been going since two in the afternoon. Thank you guys for coming out. Pleasure. I want to thank Michael Bisming and Louis J. Gomez for stopping by the church and what's happening now.

Also, don't forget, I'm leaving with my man George Perez and then November 8th the Tunnel Rat Tour starts after the Netflix special gets dropped on October 30th. Myself and Kate Quigley have got them for the New York Comedy Festival

Thursday, Friday and Saturday five fucking shows and they will sell out. No fucking around. So don't fuck around. I'm just letting you know. But before we get into anything, when you got a little action on the games

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Now, some of you motherfuckers gamble. So you've been losing and you're losing your hair. Let me tell you something, right? 66% of men lose their hair by the age of 35. Don't be ashamed of it. The thing is when you start to notice hair loss is too late.

It's easier to keep the hair that you have in the wash, you understand me? Is that hairline slowly starting to move backwards? Look at your uncle Joe. My hairline is starting to move backwards. But what do I care? I'm 55. I did what I had to do. Anyway, any bald spots yet?

How do you feel a year from now? If it's business as usual up there, I ask, do you want a bald spot to pop up or do you want to do something by the first? Do you want your hairline to recede or do you want to do something by the first? Why do guys turn a weird solution or do nothing when they can turn

to medicine and science? Listen, I got the answer. You ready? Write this down. ForHims.com It's a one-stop shop for hair loss, skin care and sexual wellness, if you know what I'm talking about, for men. What you're going to do is this, all right?

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Because, you know, this is the time of the year when you got to eat a little bit, and you got to eat healthy. I got the answer for you. Blue Apron. You know why? Because they deliver farm fresh ingredients and a step-by-step recipe right through your door. And everything is measured out to the tea. Here's how it works.

All right. You choose chef-designed recipes. We deliver fresh, seasonally-inspired ingredients. And you can cook an incredible meal in as little as 20 minutes. I just told you 20 minutes. You know what I mean? You got home from work and tired. You don't want to order out. You don't want to get delivery. And I have some guy putting his fingers in your pizza.

No, no, no, no. Dinner in as little as 20 minutes. Every week, at least three recipes are built with your busy schedule in mind. Blue Apron has done the meal prep for you. They prepared the sauce, the spices, and the ingredients. All right? Quick and easy recipe options with insanely delicious flavors.

Get rid of the grocery list and let Blue Apron do the meal prep for you. Now, we offer a wide variety of recipes bursting with flavor. Look what we got this week. I'm going to tell you what we got right now. And I'm salivating at the mouth. You understand me?

Ooh, stir-fried sweet chicken, chili chicken with broccoli and rice. What are you crazy? Ready for this one? Tomato and basil pesto pizza. Seared steaks with homemade steak sauce. And seared beef dumplings with jasmine rice. You're not going to cook that stuff? No, you don't.

But Blue Apron's going to help you, all right? Whether you're looking for quick, easy meals or the full culinary experience, Blue Apron will help you choose the recipes and the right options. So do me a favor. Check out this week's menu and get your first three meals for free

at blueapron.com slash joey. Again, that's blueapron.com slash joey to get your three meals for free. Gratis on the arm. Blue Apron, a better way to cook. I want to thank Blue Apron. I want to thank my people over there. My bookie.

And I want to thank... For Hems.com. For being savages. And I want to thank Michael Bisbing and Louis J. Gomez. I want to thank you guys for always having my back and for always being there and for coming for the shows.

We built a nice little family. I want to thank the Christ Killer. And I'll see you guys Thursday morning. Tip top, motherfucking Magoo. Don't forget, next Tuesday, you got the guestbook. Uncle Joey's doing something that's disgusting. You're going to love it, all right? It's your meal.

Thank you, dude. Stay black. Nice and easy. I want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart. Some somebody twice as smart

as I. Or somebody who will swear to be true as you used to do with me. Who'll leave you to learn that misery loves company? Wait and see.

I mean, I want to be around to see how he does it when he breaks your heart to bits. Let's see if the puzzle fits so fine.

And that's when I'll discover that revenge is sweet. As I sit there applauding from a front row seat when somebody breaks your heart like you, like you, profile.