Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #629 - Ari Shaffir and Jeff Tomsic

Episode Date: October 24, 2018

Ari Shaffir, comedian and host of the "Ari Shaffir's Skeptic Tank" podcast, and Jeff Tomsic, the director of "This Is Not Happening," "Tag," and "The Degenerates," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. Joey's special as part of "The Degenerates" streams on Netflix starting October 30, 2018.  This podcast is brought to you by:  Ridge Wallet - Use code "church" for 10% off your order at ridgewallet.com/church   MyBookie.com -  Use code promo Church to get up to a 100% match on your first deposit up to $1,000.    Recorded live on 10/22/2018.
  

greetings from podcastville it's wednesday the 24th of october get your shit together the church of what's happening now is brought to you and welcoming the ridge let me tell you something about the ridge you know you know much pointless stuff we carry in our wallets receipts hotel room keys spent gift cards the leather bifolds that men use resemble suitcases more than wallets the ridge helps you carry less but always what you need okay it's sleeker than a wallet it's two metal plates bound together by durable elastic elastic band the ridge looks nothing nothing like a traditional

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really impressed with it what I'm gonna do is this I'm gonna give you 10% off with free worldwide listen to me worldwide shipping by going to ridge wallet.com you gotta see this to believe it Ridge wallet.com slash church again that's Ridge wallet.com slash church now again I don't know how many times I gotta tell you people I don't know how many times I gotta tell you people that from now till December 31st it's a play is paradise it's time to make some money you want to make some money my bookie is the way to go you're looking at me going Joey what are you talking about my book my bookie has been around forever they

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you put a hundred and you get 200 use promo code church CHURCH and you'll get your first deposit matched a hundred percent that's promo code church CHURCH you play you win you get paid check that fucking mule Lee oh shit it's a church what's happening now Wednesday morning slinging dick and giving out toothpicks how we do it baby it's a fucking jungle ain't nobody gonna give you a dick what's happening now like a gentleman's job time is a how I keep going Joe Diaz like a Christ killer the original how I keep going here we go lean here we go wiggle fuck with Joey baby oh shit give it to me there you go

broken glass everywhere what oh shit don't care I can't that's reality motherfuckers got no money to move out I guess I got no choice the rides in the front room rotors in the back junkies in the alley with the baseball bat I try to get away but I couldn't get far cuz a man with the touch will be possessed my car don't push me cuz I'm close to the edge here we go motherfuckers it's the it's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder how I keep from going on this cuz I got you motherfuckers welcome to the church what's happening now we want to welcome Jeff Thompson director producer good good all around fucking dude

Ari should be on his way but fuck him he's got a Jewish guy you're fucking running with a rickshaw he won't be here for two hours welcome to the show brother we have the Christkiller here what's going on Jeff Thompson man you know I'm just have I'm out here doing my book dog and pony show around town trying to get the next thing set up you know it is man you know it's like when I told you like right now Bradley Cooper was on the phone with an agent until they argued about his next movie yeah there's always something like people always think that all he's got it made you're always arguing you're always

somebody every week some somebody somewhere tries to pull a fucking Louis and you got to put them in check and then you feel bad and it's a fucking horror show people so when you see fucking these people on shows trust me they got fucking what do they call those uptown problems yeah uptown problem first world problem yeah first world problems yeah what do you call it first world first none of this first world problems my privilege and then there's people that have uptown problems you know you're not gonna believe this but my condo on the penthouse flooded if I ever get to that place man just

no it's a different fucking level and stuff like that how long have you been directing for well I you know I started well I don't know getting paid to do it or just directing in general well I think like the first time I had a camera was my grandfather's he gave me when I was like nine years old and I forced my sister to do like weird remakes of Star Trek episodes in my basement when I was nine and it's sort of crazy to me that I'm even doing this for living now but that was my hobby even as a kid and then directing for like in a job maybe 10 10 years I went well I grew up and I was born in Chicago but I

grew up mostly in Iowa my parents moved there when I was a kid when we were in Iowa there's you know being a director is like you know it's the farthest thing from reality my father was like man maybe engineering man that's a that's a reasonable career just creative as you can get yeah it's exactly right like yeah there's things like cameras you know there's like there's machines anyway but I I went to the University of Iowa and I studied film but I also studied computer science because that seemed like the sensible thing to do and you know I even thought that I would go into graphics you know do CG shit for movies

maybe that would be possible you know but I was making stuff and doing plays even then and in high school before that and then I came out to LA to go to AFI you know which is this you know great graduate program for film and I dropped out on the second day when I realized that it was that I was gonna go 120 thousand dollars into debt and everyone else at school was showing up in a seven series BMW at 25 and I was like oh this is I'm from a different world I can't afford this so I I sort of flirted with doing a graduate program but then but then left and went back back to work and started doing commercial shortly

after that so seriously that was like oh that was like 14 years ago and what was your first job like you were an AD obviously I work well I did every job you know again I like even after I moved to New York City after college in 99 and did everything I could possible I worked as a grip I worked as an electric I worked as an editor I shot film as a DP you know because it never it never felt real to me to say I'm a director like I feel like I need to earn it and learn whatever other person on the crew did to like have respect for the whole picture and and took acting classes and stuff like that before I felt like I was

comfortable like this is what I'm gonna do my first job was right after that I actually directed some commercials for Speedstick deodorant in 2004 and that was the first real pig gig yeah never even real TV commercials they were like online commercials which is a brand new thing then this is like before real YouTube happened and all that so it was sort of a half job but you remember when the big spoilerage was gonna be the internet commercials yeah yeah Lee let me tell you something I went from going out for film auditions and TV auditions to just going out for fucking you Lee you name it they were again we're talking

about right I'll say it before the show yeah Lee every day I was going out for a Heineken web series yep Cadillac web series everything was a web series but they didn't pay very well oh you're fucking wrong really so what happened was I kept going out for them yeah this was the big was it 2004 2000 it had a couple things yeah I was right around yeah yeah and they were pushing for a new medium that come along yep a new medium will come along that paid commercials for online yep and they called it something that online a media something so you were going for these commercials and it didn't say national or international or

internet no it did say internet yeah they called it new media new media something at that age and it was like 800 scale and they couldn't work you over four hours it was something fucking crazy Lee like something that you're like what yeah and if you worked over five hours they had to pay you double and and it was like I it was new whatever and I have gotten the callbacks I started getting called I started getting callbacks I started getting callbacks nothing all these people around me are booking these fucking you know who booked a couple of them read as easy if I'm not wrong yeah yeah a couple of those fucking web series where they

page a man and I finally I booked this movie called pizza and bullets it had Talia Shia a really big pussy from the sopranos and just a bunch like these be guys yeah great script yeah but it was a hundred dollars a day hmm and they were it was a hundred dollars a day that's crazy this was the beginning of it this was when the hundred dollar a day movie yeah really came because when I got here was off scale yep which I'm again I'm not complaining I'm just informing you how it happened yeah everything was 659 plus 10 yeah or whatever it is right and then a buddy of mine that was in the movie 7 he got a

movie and he put me in and it was 459 a day and then when I did the Rodney Dangerfield movie was 459 a day then I did some other film and it was 250 a day I just kept that low budget yeah and then ultra low budget sack is a hundred dollars a day yeah so I got the offer to do this pizza and bullets but they were still in the process of writing the script mm-hmm so in that process bam I get an audition for Mountain Dew for a web series playing a bear again I'm on cocaine I gotta do I gotta do I hope that's out there somewhere I want to see that for sure it's 800 for four hours work yeah and it was just

crazy because I've heard on I was on the post side and I've heard I had friends who would do online stuff and they would always complain that they were working on huge things but would get almost nothing no we were getting this is the very beginning when they started getting popular because I remember when all the way to the end with this with the Cadillac people and there was a James Bond remake type deal and it was 16 episode yeah I remember this three minutes segments yeah yeah it was crazy people going crazy but nobody was showing them yeah you couldn't find them nobody you couldn't find fucking one of

them everybody was sure you were going to auditions film so now in the process of pizza and bullets they're like every Monday they were calling go listen we don't know what the schedule is we're gonna call you next week yeah call you next week so this one out for two weeks and I got a call back from Mountain Dew and boom I get the fucking call back again it was a nightmare I know it was a nightmare I had to go to Gower first and then I had to go fucking Beverly Hills then the final callback was downtown and boom I booked this number like fuck yet 10 episodes guaranteed 800 that's 7200 that's without over time they had a

bunch of little lines a bunch of little lines lunch $25 cash every day this whole fucking scan we pizza and bullet calls and they and the first day of me shooting whatever Mountain Dew is my calls at 2 in the afternoon at Gower and pizza and bullets wanted me at 7 in the morning and I celebrated getting the Scooby-Doo thing the Mountain Dew thing by getting like two G's of coke that's how I celebrate and I'm up all night Jeff Thompson fucking jerking off bathroom fucking doing blow celebrating 7200 and the next morning I'm like if pizza and bullets thinks I'm gonna show up because they had me on a string right right

I don't know how the fucking blue they call the day the Mountain Dew calls yeah and I'm like I don't know the guys I'm starting to get the flu well call us in the morning and see how you feel I don't want to get the set infected and I was just trying to push it off I would have shot the movie right I gotta get the $7200 from Mountain Dew yep I can't risk a hundred dollar bill to play a fucking gangster in a movie that might not go yeah and that morning that's what I wake up to is them pounding my wife was already well they're pounding on the door and I went out and pushed the kid they call the cops I got press charges

but the producers said you'd never work again the casting people were furious they were furious was it for like a studio production company anything no the guy but this is this is this is how the internet is taken over the studio business that's it's in a nutshell it was like and guess what happened I gotta call it one o'clock Mountain Dew scrapped the project but we were still getting a check on the map oh shit that's the best call you ever got your only was a three you know you think about it yeah it was a three week process yeah there wasn't a comedian that didn't say I went in for Mountain Dew

today I think I'm gonna book everybody had gone in on it no matter what size shape color like they wasted people's time yeah like that dude that what's that commercial that's fucking the guy that gets beat up on the all-state commercial oh yeah I can't remember the guy's name I know 20 dudes that went on and they made him jump off building all the deep boys guy from 30 rock no does the all state commercial white there's always damage so I'm at a wedding party yeah and I'm about to eat the ring and he eats the ring and he gets hit by a car you know that they were you know I had like three buddies one after that were

regular schmo's like me I'm sure and Adam jumping up buildings and fucking what that was for the audition process just some jackass like jumping and they knew all along that we're gonna give it to this fucking guy that's ridiculous I'm not surprised that they can breaks they breaks my fucking heart I was telling somebody about three years ago I got a call right from New York to one two something with a bunch of zeros I take the message and it's a casting director that wants me for a specific role and she goes do you mind if I send you the size they're a little offensive and they go long if you thought of me

for the specific role you know why would they be offensive cut this shit and it was just about a pussy yeah there was a guy describing a pussy that's a Cadillac you got a sticky dick and fucking good from time to time that's a Mercedes Benz a pussy something to me you'd say so I went over to low okay and I put it on tape get one of the tape is 72 hours I sent it they called me back they said listen you're number one choice you just but understand you know we're not gonna pay for the flight and we're not gonna pay for the hotel it's a New York higher I had a place to stay yeah I guess I got a

bunch of miles I could use I always save miles because in case somebody dies or something yeah you got a plane ticket no drama it's dark I said you got it it shoots May 8th it's like April 4th is it for a movie or show movies yeah it's it's the fucking Pacino movie when he played the fucking thief up a deniro and Michelle Pfeiffer when he played the stock market fraud guy which movies that son HBO guys deniro and Michelle Pfeiffer who robbed what what fucking what Lee's looking at up what is the fucking guy that robbed her be burning me know burning me off right right right yeah yeah yeah they kept calling me back the

family or the Wizard of Lies me with her lies yeah the lies chap they called me six times to say we just want to remind you that when you get this move we're not gonna pay for a plane ticket that the agent called me the casting director called me the producer that's not a small project why couldn't they fly you out there for that so guess what I never hear from them again oh my god and also the movie comes out and they got Hank is that right so you called me 20 times but then you know you knew I know you fucking had a fly Hank is area that's of course they did unless you know I ain't like so all this drama you

gave me by the fucking 300 plane ticket on jet blue you gave it the Hank is area anyway so it's just it's such a it's such a fucking weird thing when they wait they have money they have so much money to spend that it's ridiculous yeah everything gets nickel to dive at some point it's crazy well I don't get it when was that that was that that was recently what's that that that movie the Wizard of Lies yeah two years ago yeah that seems when I shot grudge match there was no plane ticket no hotel really I had a put that I was lived in Houston so this guy this guy shit scares me because I now they have a directing I don't hear this

now they gave me a hotel yeah and I had miles on Delta and what I did was because they could only shoot me two days one week and one day like four days later I just set up little shows of New Orleans smart and I did some stand-up and then I made the best of it you know at the end I made a little money it bombed in the box office so the residuals of dismal I got one like three times a year I got to work with the narrow and the experience yeah but all right 20 years ago I wish I would get here cuz they'll tell you when you walked into 200 North LeBrayer above the PECO that was the big auditioning place okay and it would

tell you exactly when you signed in what the situation is gonna be so it would say let's say you went in there tomorrow October 23rd it would go Jell-O Pudding shoots Denver Colorado 11-1 to 11-6 okay when you booked that commercial they flew you to Denver on October 31st they took you to dinner they broke down the situation to you and they'd say Lee guess what you're not shooting to the fourth and you're like so why am I here and they're like well because we're gonna put you in the whole time room and we're gonna give you 175 dollars a day per day and you're gonna go okay just in case some changes

they always want you there yeah yeah that's what they would do and you would stay the six days and you and you would have the best time of your life they would they would tell you to come to the set I missed out on this whole this whole yeah where there was so much but now there's just so much shit out there now you book a commercial it says one eleven one to eleven seven and you'll get flown in on eleven four you will shoot on eleven five there will not be a stitcher over time yep and you will be on that plane the next five you'll shoot fourteen commercials on eleven five yeah yeah yeah it's a different yeah there's

no waste yeah it's crazy there's just cuz there's so much stuff out there they like they they don't have the money for any one thing anymore I think you know it's like there's Instagram ads there's online ads or TV ads there's a million people making all this shit it's hard to for anything to matter if I had a company I'd be doing internet ads yeah company to do right now which I would love to do with a guy like you mm-hmm is our rate of commercials for the internet oh that'd be great kick the level up yeah or just a little bit yeah and do our rate of commercials we find out what the YouTube it's a great whatever is and

just kick the level up a little bit yeah just a little bit no nudity no nothing stupid just a little bit just something to push the envelope to sell your product right to be a little different no naked ass what it does that count as anything whatever we can push cable now that's a little cable now I fuck yeah watch the Mayans I hear some shit I should have done network now I think didn't they show someone's ass on network television already isn't that happened years ago come on leave off the check I'm on Lee you know this but I mean how much are you I don't know if you know but how much are they are they

still spending a lot more on TV than they're spending online or is it starting to get more even I I mean they're spending so much the weird thing is like when I made tag when I mean the movie is they didn't spend a dime on print advertising it all went online and it was and that's only recently happened makes sense but they're not doing any ads in magazines and papers all that's gone not much radio anymore it's really all podcasts and it's a lot of Instagram and Facebook and still some TV but it seems like it's more and more shifting towards Instagram I mean I that's where I see most shit okay so

you're in New York before we get to yeah you're in New York yeah you direct speed stick yeah and then what's next well you're saying it was like a weird time right like suddenly and I I moved out there and got out of college and when the like the first like internet 1.0 started and then failed pretty quickly like after September 11th and I was doing there was almost a YouTube thing going on there but then it completely went away and sort of came back and 0405 and for everyone I knew like UCB New York like Kroll and Matt Pauley and Mulaney and and Aziz and Hubel all those guys are there were

improvisers they were all getting money to make these web series and you know it was like you know it was like 10 grand for five episodes or 15 grand for 10 but I mean we're all broke as shit so that was like the greatest thing in the world to go make a comedy web series for 15 grand you know then you could stretch it out you know shoot for six seven days because no one expected to get paid so I was doing that as much as I could and I made a short on my own and then got into AFI came out here dropped out like I said did did ads for a while and it took years I worked at MTV and marketing and then in promos so I've made more sort of

branded advertising you know through the through like 07 or 08 it's actually how I started smoking so I was making an anti smoking campaign for the truth and the only place you could go to have like private conversations with the smoking area because that was it was hidden from the client so like the line for all the crew and the producer would go there and smoke so you know we're shooting overnights in Queens fucking miserable like a grocery store and one night I'm just like about to give me one of those parliaments though so fucking tired is like four in the morning or something like that in Queens and the next night I

was like I'll take give me another one of those to wake me up a little bit and then I'm bought a pack and all happened on the truth.com that's ridiculous that's crazy how you pick up smoking I never yeah I couldn't get in your car if I smoked I moved to LA yeah it was before I moved to LA I watched Stan Hope one night how he would be a certain mood and once he started smoking he would be a certain mood and one night and then I saw Josh Wolf would always pack a cigarette on the way out and throw him away yeah give him to somebody he'd smoke eight cigarettes I did yeah I was like that's not a bad idea one night

after all those years I smoked when I was about six yeah in my bathroom I got like a now cigarette and I lit it and I was like fucking got dizzy. That happened to me when I was like oh god when I was like 13 you know I was I was always a good kid but me and my friends decided we'd steal packed cigarettes went out on this like out in this park or this golf course and I smoked three cigarettes and just puked all over myself and for the rest of time I was an anti-smoker until you know 20 years later in this grocery store in Queens at four in the morning when I started to pick up parliaments to stay

awake it's miserable I was like the anti-smoker that I was putting putting like firecracker powder in my dad's cigarettes so they'd explode it was an asshole me too I was anti I was anti yeah I fucking couldn't take it I could not take it in the room anymore I had grown up in bars yeah where you go home and you wake up the next morning and even if you're not smoking now you remember that yeah I got smell your clothes worse and they would smell fucking horrific and if there's anything I'm I hate odors I hate smells I hate smelly necks I just hate smelly things yeah look at these look at his noses we got

Joey we get the smells hit me hot shit I hate hippies that don't bathe all that shit I'm fucking again I'm the same way I love candles around my room yeah yeah gotta be a nice I got my fucking office smells like that between the the the jiu-jitsu gear and the oh no man how can you say that the santeria goats I got stashed in the fucking it smells horrible I gotta put a candle in there all day I got it from breeze the fucking office between farting sometimes I fart and I come back eight hours late it's worse than what I left it's like a fucking fog the heat is up sometimes I put the heat to dry the weed and then I push the button but I

don't push stop and every 20 minutes the heat goes on for me it's a fucking sauna in there so so now here's the thing I had when you went to AFI yeah yeah what did you see the first two days that made you quit well the thing was like there was a sort of a preseason and we watch a bunch of movies over the summer and read a bunch of books and we got together all the other guys and girls that were in the in the program we got together we'd like have barbecues and talk about movies and shit and they're all good people so but I like I hadn't realized that most of them had a lot more money than me it could probably afford to go

into the whole hundred twenty thousand I mean I imagine that's true of everybody long as a program how many years it's two years but 60 thousand year because you're taking out you're not supposed to have a job while you're doing so you're basically taking out your living expenses as well and loans and it's a great program I don't want to shit all over them or those people because it's still a lot of my friends but like for me I like I also freak out a lot and the first day the first day at college I went to try to take an oral exam to pass out of some oral communications credit and I got on my bike and rode 40 miles

home to my parents house and on the highway I'm I was a little bit a little buy it some problems yeah yeah so I had a pride like a little bit of a commit commitment problem that has nothing to do with them but like I for me it was a good choice because I went I took that risk of leaving before those loans kicked in and I was in the hole and I probably still paying them off and then and then I went straight into that commercial and then there was just one thing slowly and I was broke for a long time but this slowly was able to make more shit and more shit try to figure out what I was doing you know fell in my

face a few times learned a little bit from it but it was a long process man I was like you know 40 that was 14 years ago even thinking about it doesn't feel it feels like it went by in a flash of an eye but took a long time to get to a place where I could make a movie or even make a few TV shows so just to make that did you have any directors that you admired oh sure you would look at and go this is what I want to do well the funny thing is like I I think I originally got interested because I my dad you put on the John Carpenter's this thing remember that movie from the 80s from 84 I think ma'am is even before

that he and there's a previous one from the 50s that Howard Hox direct is black and white very wholesome not terrifying he thought he was putting on that that 1950s film and he actually put on the John Carpenter R-rated Kurt Russell film it's fucking terrifying it's just people's guts spilling it's fucking gory as shit still my favorite movie this day but it gave me nightmares for three weeks I was just shit myself screaming having night terrors sleeping with my parents as a kid but I came out of that I came out of that Hellstorm and I was like I want to learn how to do that to other people and I got way into

like horror movies and really you like horror movies I love horror movies man they're my favorite thing I came out here to be an editor and I was always petrified like what if I get a big break and I have to edit horror because I can't I would do a terrible job I hate like that's it you get scared easily yeah I jump the stuff that's supposed to make me jump me jump I jump you're not gonna go see the new Halloween fuck no I haven't even horror is a genre that it's a really weird John because it's camera angles mm-hmm music it's music and the pacing yeah if a director can't do that with horror like I told these guys this

last week on AMC the exorcist has been and it's been on every day yeah and I've been catching 20 30 minutes of it mm-hmm and if I have to say my all-time favorite directed movie of all time is the exorcist whoever the whoever did the exorcist Friedkin we're freaking DP shots also the DP did two or three shots that were brilliant that's beautiful you know we have so many things that are missing like there's people complaining all the time and I appreciate people complaining especially people my age or a little older maybe a little younger complaining about the films the 70s and the 60s and the 80s what's getting made

today and I think it starts you know yes it starts with the script and it starts with the bullshit from the studio and how they try to pair people up but it also starts with the director mm-hmm when I was doing a lot of hundred dollar day films there was a time three years Jeff after 2007 mm-hmm I did ten one hundred dollar day films really well and I got to work and I asked mm-hmm you know like I worked with Harold Ramis now I analyze that the only reason I knew the movie was gonna have it was a dog with fleas when I read the script I knew it was a dog with fleas but I didn't care I wanted to talk to Harold Ramis yeah yeah

I wanted to pick his mind I like things he did in stripes there was just a couple movies he directed out there I think he wrote stripes he wrote stripes and wrote stripes yeah I haven't directed and then you know there was just something that I wanted to ask him about comedy something about the way he wrote comedy and stuff that I really liked it was subtle mm-hmm it was like a finger in the ass I love not literally I like him I don't like him literally either the other part when I got to West Palm Beach the other day I got another Thursday mm-hmm I was scrolling through the channels I didn't really want to go out I asked this dude

and I called Lee right away and I go Lee I ordered some Italian food and I'm excited and the food came and I put it on the plate nice and I had it somebody called I was charging for when I came in it was nightmare on Elm Street mm-hmm okay and I haven't seen that movie since probably 1984 1984 thinking about something damn it I'll go away I hadn't seen that movie I hadn't seen that movie since 1984 yeah when I came out that tongue yeah comes out of the phone yeah like my fucking heart stopped a still good movie so it still holds up you know there was

a couple different things that that it's not hasn't get made its way over at the set it's all that stuck fucking sharp shooter it mixes with the odor of his neck it just stays that's why my next thing is my next most fine yeah I mean that that movie's so good you know and the weird thing is that you know the movie I made it was new line was the same studio and they called the house of Freddie built because those movies made so much money that they created a whole studio out of just that franchise that's how good those things were and they're funny too I've seen bad horror yeah it is bad when it's bad when it's

bad it's like a bad comedy but I used to go see all the lighter horror shows like what was the one with all the young girls and the young kids what was that the one that they did scream scream yeah but I also used to go to in the early days I would go to all those original this walking dead that's why I never got to the walking dead yeah cuz I got into the whole George Romero oh yeah those are classics classics I used to go to Jersey City in the midnight movies aren't some of those horror supposed to be bad like what did you let me tell you some if you watch any scene from a George Romero movie now if you're my days you're

like I'm a bit embarrassed let's just blame it on the acid all right because we and my buddies would take acid we take acid and go to a fucking night of the living dead there was one and they were racist as fuck oh yeah like if you think the little rascals are racist you haven't seen anything there was one where the helicopter was taken off and it was a black he was just killing black people at George Romero at night of the living dead there's one of them that I about Pittsburgh in the 70s when it was George Romero let's look for 76 76 to 78 maybe even 75 he put out a movie one of those things where they it's a zombie

apocalypse and Donna the dead when the mall watch those yeah you have to you have to but there's one of them with a guy's like mama mama and he was a black guy and he fucking chopped his head off but there was another one they actually come down was funny cuz I think the first one he got he had a black main character in night of living dead which was a whole thing right really yeah that in did no one had ever done that in a horror before and then this guy comes out of Pittsburgh so maybe he just did it in the next in the next one I see why I was super aggressive now we're just gonna go to 77 76 what are you

doing those years 76 he did Martin and they did on the dead in 78 that was no one that killed me Martin's a fucked up movie yeah it's a guy thinks he's a vampire he starts just running around with the syringe drawing blood from people and drinking it oh crazy not no he's not he's just like he's just a psychopath it's a great fucking movie but Donna that is where we were tripping hard yeah we were doing angel dust you went to the movies we used to go to the fucking lunchtime somebody told me that angel dust is coming back around the people are doing PCP probably for three bucks you 20p that's crazy they

would call it something else they used to call it THC crystal that's how we got into it and then in Harlem they would call it something else and you would buy wherever you would buy weed yeah you were able to buy angel dust so the guy would go I got 10s and I got trays tray is a $3 bag and it was basically a pinner if you rolled it it wouldn't burn so you had to put it in the weed roll it and smoke it it's a pinner 12 hours it is real thin tiny 12 hours 9 hours of constant you don't know where you are constant what's the skinny guy from Friday is that the thing that made him get in the chicken coop yeah and we

went to see daughter dead and I think the opening scene a helicopter lands yeah and it's trying to save people we're getting attacked by dead people black guy gets on top of box to grab the helicopter and the fucking chapter just had right that's how it opens up and you're like oh and then the Marines coming in there shooting black people that's all I remember the why did you know I think maybe that maybe the PZP was what came in a racial statement in your brain what came out of dawn after dawn of the dead he's gonna come night riders creeps show day of the dead creeps yeah that was the third in that

trilogy yeah monkey shines oh monkey shines yeah I had a key growing up that today he only how he doesn't know it anymore he quit sci-fi yeah he said he called into the podcast we were in a band together in the sixth grade and he went on to work for sci-fi he was a VP of development really work for them he told us the story and he goes but I started paying attention time my kids were watching TV and every time I would tell sci-fi they would tell me to go fucking myself until one day I cashed in my pension I told them to go fucking and he's a horror show freak so he bought horror movies for the mind

YouTube $7 a month he got the last I heard he had a lot of subscribers he was making a lot of money and he sold it yeah and then he started something else he couldn't start a horror genre horror was big when I was growing up you know the funny thing to me is like I thought I wanted to do it forever and then I got yeah and there's a weird there's a weird similarity between horror movies and comedy to me there's like they're both they're both like such visceral things and so subjective but like they function sort of in the same way you just exchange jokes for scares in those movies this surprise right yeah it's that

it's that like that laugh and that scare sort of like activating the same part of your brain it's like that this like release so why I think their best horror movies are sort of have big laughs in them too they do they are really comedy and campy yeah all these horror movies yeah it's weird when you look at jack ass it is almost the same it's like the guy getting punched then like kicked in the nuts by a donkey replace that with getting stabbed by a monster they're both funny yeah but there's a difference between horror and like thriller I can almost do thriller I just don't like like whenever they have

those ghost or demon movies and they the music gets you and they appear out of nowhere and I jump and I look and ask like I would die I was well yeah that got crazy yesterday it was Sunday and I said the exorcises have been on all week yeah and I had the morning off I did a couple things I ran some errands and I get home and I my wife calls and she goes me and the baby gonna stop at Rouse and we'll come over and we'll be over like you know what this is gonna be the only chance I'm gonna get let me go watch the squad at the wingman game mm-hmm and the wingman was up 31 24 with like nine minutes left to go and I go let me

see what else is on the exorcises on and it was from the scene when the priest walked in to yeah what he's coaching him yeah priest goes to him he was a psychiatrist yeah he's like listen the guy goes listen Saint there's coming he's gonna get to you psychologically you can't listen to him he's a liar he attacks you psychologically that's how he attacks you and I'm watching the camera angles and how the exorcises scares the fuck out of you without saying a word I don't show blood they don't show anything yeah she petrified you when he when he elevated when she elevated yeah and they had to

shoot that in a freezer yeah that little girl should sue the studio today probably my brother's treatment oh my god oh my god she never recovered from that guys oh now I don't know if that's well she showed up 20 years later we're she 12 she was 12 with 13 with Rick James tell me about that she was dating Rick James no fucking way yeah the exorcises girl yeah Linda Blair Linda Blair that's right she wanted to do a lot of stuff though right that was what she that's why I know her name from what you think you're crossing your pussy it's pretty much over in 1973 cautionary tale for all the other night was when the mother

comes in and she smacks her and then her head spins around yeah and then she when the mother comes in she's got the cross yeah she's having a pussy oh fuck me fuck me yeah the mother's like what the fuck and then she takes it by the ears and she makes her eat a pussy yeah actually healer mine what are you doing that she smacks her and that was that that come on that's so brutal 1973 yeah no 12 year old should ever see that so yesterday my daughter walks in fucking five walks and jumps on top of me the two priests to talk they're talking about God she was all that shit yeah she went to St. Paul so she says

prayers at dinner every night she says prayers at night she's into all that God bless her I could kill us but they're talking about God and then he's talking about Satan and she's like interested she's like so Satan and I'm like yeah but God is always stronger than Satan and all of a sudden they walk into the room there's lead the Blair so my daughter's working with it she's like looking at me and I'm like it's gonna be fun looking at her she's gonna end up being a director now this is exactly what my dad did to me yeah yeah and then she starts going when she did when she went like this she was it was really long

yeah it was like an eight inch tongue that was it mercy was a hmm my wife came in she goes you know you really got to knock it off with that shit I thought you got to see the world that movie is x-rated isn't it no x-rated I thought it was x-rated oh no no no no no no from Freud that's our look it up that's an hour look at the sequel to she did the exorcist to and it literally I think they create didn't they create the x-rating for that movie or something like that it's ready to are on IMDB let me see what happens when it was originally released that's what we're thinking yeah yeah it was like Scarface

because it was so terrifying x-rated and then they he called in a hundred witnesses yeah yeah cut out a bunch of parts and they wouldn't show the blade going into his arm right that's what they were concerned about so the movie Association made them go like this and then show the blood hit right with the with the chainsaw with the chainsaw because they actually had the chainsaw going to the yard I wonder how he did that I'd love to see that so they cut that up so he the guy who directed it did French connection and then this yeah he's a sap and then they were saying it barely escaped the x-rating but in cities like

Boston and Washington DC children under 17 were not admitted it was treated like x-rating yeah I want to see that motherfucker at the age of 10 at the Union City cinema then it's a boot of me as long as you had two dollars you get a neighbor fucked up we want to see everything at that so I came out in 17 I also saw the godfather there yeah at the Union City cinema when he showed the titties I fucking went bananas my face got all red I got hot in the movie theater I remember those movies that you'd watch with your mom and then there would be a nudity and it was the worst the worst thing I saw a fish call Wanda

with my dad and when they start having this funny he's like this melon I'm just like I remember accidentally like watching a movie that didn't seem like it needed it was gonna have nudity in it and then it would come on my mother be sitting next to me and I'm like this is gonna be emotionally scarred I'm never getting over this moment there were these movies that came out for a few years and they were called something they were called the genre but the main to where it was Kentucky Fried movie yeah screwball Kentucky Fried movie I think so yeah and Amazon women of the moon roof to the groove to groove to that was and

Chevy Chase candy group to group tube and they showed titties group tube yeah the one I talked my mom into getting HBO for yeah Amazon women was just like that with Arsenio Hall when he gets killed by everything in his apartment oh yeah and falls out the window and then they extended that for as soon as he falls out that extends to a new scene yeah but what that's which is that I want to Kentucky if I were there just being check how do you want to die it's like being chased by a hundred by ten thousand like nude women or topist women need to see some guy coming over the hill behind of all these boobs dancing up

and that's Kentucky Fried movie that was the greatest girl like some girl goes to want some guy goes show me your nuts and he just starts go that's on YouTube that's one of the goofy the scene that's still much what was the scene that's still fucks with me from Kentucky Fried movie we were on something we were on something and when they were there in court and the guys like an invict the judge asked him like what do you want to do and he takes a dildo out he puts it on his head he's like I am from another planet I am from the planet dildo whatever it was the dumbest thing I just lost that the movie theater in group two

it was cherry chase yeah playing the drums and some guys had singing I'm looking over a four leave class the only just smacks the guy and the guy falls over they were just it was like Saturday night live before raw live yeah only I think groove to be even was before Saturday night life yes yeah or it was like his first summer off yeah cuz when he did SNL he was already a sort of a star yeah I think yeah I think maybe it was it was either after his first year right before I don't know we could look this up on the internet my favorite scene from that was the daredevil from groove to know which one it was the

five movie the dead devil was a white dude he puts on a helmet oh my god get overalls and he goes the daredevil seeks out danger whenever he just starts walking he's in the hood and this is dice game he just stands right in the middle and they all look up like what the fuck is this guy doing just goes I'm just gonna do it he just yells the n words and they're like what and they start to running is that was like anthology movies where it was just sketches and there were those three movies all came out right after another and then the Kentucky Fried movie which I think is the consistently the funniest

by far it was a sucker brothers who made airplane next oh so it's those guys and the dead was Amazon women not by the not Kentucky fried movie people no that's John Landis who then directed the same people and now he directed America with werewolf London and what else did Landis I mean twilight's in the movie that was good one animal house yeah he directed animal house yeah Ramis wrote it and I'm pretty sure Landis directed see if I'm an asshole I would get a commercial dish for John Landis once and it was like oh your committee looked at my resume I was like yeah he's like oh what do you perform is that the comedy

supposed to come in one night and I was probably get mobs and in my head I'm like fucking relax commercial director fucking mob you also fucking directed thriller the music video for thrill wow he did the twilight zone yeah he killed somebody's face but guess what they were shooting a helicopter shot I think he kept saying go lower got luring some and they crashed or something terrible happened and he was a kiss of death yeah Ramis wrote it was Douglas Kenny and someone else and then drama yeah from lamp I met I met Landis directed it really I met Landis and had a pretty nice conversation with him guess on what

Spider-Man 2 really he's one of the surgeons oh that's right that goes crazy that's right so we shot he's one of my biggest heroes except I love I love Landis my favorite because he did cool yeah he did cool drama stuff until he killed people with helicopters he was the fucking perfect guy but you know he was very quick came on the scene he came on the set we were doing the train set this is a great story so I'm with it was a unit and a B unit the B unit was the director from C biscuit yeah this is before C biscuit Gary Ross so this is like I think so he was the B director on Spider-Man 2 but what happened was you

know it's like Raimi going listen you could direct this yeah let me do this and I'll throw you the next one and they gave him C biscuit yeah so but he was doing B and while he was shooting B he was talking to me about shooting C biscuit really it was either gonna be next or he started next week that's Gary Ross who directed yeah really interesting big so now we're all standing like he wouldn't let me get on the train yeah because I was too big yeah he go Joey just go to your hotel room you bothered me yeah just honest guy I really like this guy

us whatever his name is with the right man to Sam Raimi Sam Raimi so that's another one my hero great guy so the same suit every day same suit every day same white shirt dust on the suit lint he looks at things differently so now they're doing the doc while we're doing the doc arc scene on the train yeah right across from us and Sony they're doing the doc arc scene in the operating room when he goes crazy and starts penning doctors yeah but before lunch I see John Landis and I'm looking at him I'm like I know this motherfucker yeah I go fucking nuts if I saw John Landis I would mob him I'm there for an hour I'm

there for an hour and I'm looking at him you know out of the corner my we're all eating yep and finally somebody said Joey do you know John Landis I'm like oh shit crazy and he was very humble he was very nice to meet you how are you how long have you been on this side I go fucking 13 days and he goes that's great you know and I and he had blues on like hospital blues and I go you're directing no I didn't say nothing he goes I got a scene as one of the doctors you're fine and we broke it down he was your fight doc arc this is before doc arc gets to you yeah he was very nice I remember I didn't say much to him I

didn't know much like what to say I was a little bit shy and then we broke and then I shot my scene with the fucking dude they shot it from all angles and then you're like you're wrapped this is the 14th day well so for the last 10 days I would get there early smoke dope in my no no trailer they gave us the condos in the back of Sony nobody knows they got condos in the back in the middle and they each eat they sleep 8 per condo and you have a little room a couch a big screen TV which they didn't have in those days they just had a TV remote yeah and I would smoke back there and like in the hallway and then I would

see him because the wardrobe was next door right he'd walk and I go mr. Ramis miss whatever Sam Sam I talked to you Sam and he go yes Joey what's the problem Christian somebody keeps smoking dope and the fucking this has to end then he go I'll get to the bottom of this every morning I did this he knew I was like I'm having they're serving lobster tails on Fridays yeah I got you understand me this is this is 203 202 yeah something like that wait did you say Gary Ross directed yeah see biscuit see biscuit right but Raimi directed by the man to the Gary was the second unit director

okay so they go Joey damn Mike if I met any of those guys that lose my they go Joey you cut so before I met what's the star from boogie nights that play docok yeah marky mark no no oh what's it say alpha Molina yeah so yeah oh you know I get there I shake Raimi's hand thank you for hiring me he was listening to a big just like go back to your room I would see him for five minutes and he would crack a joke at me but the best alpha Molina's there and he goes did you guys rehearse yet and I go no he goes by the way I'm so sorry Alfred you know Joe he goes no and Alfred Molina puts his hand out and he goes very nice to

meet you and I go very nice to meet you and how Sam Raimi looks at Molina he goes I had an iron what do you want from me he did get on the audition Alfred's like what are you talking about I'm just kidding the both of you that's the type of guy he was so it's the last day we wrap yeah I'm wrapped yeah so Sam goes over to see what's at the thing I go to my locker room I get the rest of my shit and as I'm walking out I got to thank the guy yep I gotta thank the guy so I walk in I go mr. Raimi thank you for hiring me you've been a piston he goes come here give me a hug and I gave my hug and I go up to now you're the

best the work director I worked with he goes cut he goes cut yeah tell him what you just told me and land this came over and shook my hand that was it oh man and then last year I went to a pitch meeting and I'm sitting there and somebody teaks me they go look who it is it's Sam Raimi didn't say a word I kept my cool and they came to get him and as he was getting up you know they come and get you hi hi I'm Susan hi Ari and who are you you're Nick oh and who are you well they were doing that the lady came to get me and we all had to walk up the stairs together so he looked at me and he goes

how have you been and I go I didn't think I was gonna remember you gonna please we still talk about because all his friends are in those movies yeah he puts that whole Detroit crew yeah there's one guy that still comes to the comedy store once again he gives me a hug and shit since evil dad they've been doing yes he's not the guy that the popular guy he's got about 15 guys yeah he's got more guys than Adam Sandler yeah but he puts in his movies oh yeah it's that whole crew from Michigan State yeah the whole fucking crew so they're pretty impressive man yeah I still called me once a year hammered that he shows

another story three days later fucking how that's a fucking amazing thing you have like the guy who created the evil dad the guy who wrote big the guy who who created the American werewolf in London directed down all in one set it's pretty what do you when you when you run up against those people like what do you do I just try not to shit my pants but you know the thing is everyone is sort of just a normal human being I try to remember not to be jaded about it you know now like every time I like drive on to a lot where I'm working my office on Paramount there was on Warner Brothers you know I drive to where I'm going to be

and I want to go to work today you know like it's a fucking accounting job and then I've got an office on a lot and that's what I wanted to do since I was a kid in Iowa it's pretty fucking great it is cool too when you go there even for audition something it's not a level like working there but you go there and like fucking traffic shut it and then you see like an opening our tour bus go by yeah exactly these people are paying to just look at where I'm going that is so weird every time I because there's trams going by all all the time Roger Rabbit I was like oh yeah I would I would sometimes walk along with them

because I didn't know any of the trivia shit I was like oh those are the windows from that from psycho I didn't know that that's what that was do you remember the first credit you saw like I don't know if it was TV or movie for you but oh that's pretty exciting yes it's still fucking crazy to me honestly like we just even when I was seeing the rough cuts of the Netflix series it's fucking it when it says directed by Jeff Tomsek I'm still pretty psyched about it yeah you know and everyone like you know all my friends to grow her grip in a shithole town in Iowa just sending me screenshots of my directing credit on everything yeah

it's tough not to get jaded but it's cool when you step back and like do put yourself in that position of like a newbie we're like oh actually that is pretty cool yeah it's cool coming from from from nowhere near here you know yeah from Iowa Maryland from fucking God knows where cuz you don't know where your birth certificate is really from New York now there's a question I have for you whatever and where's the rap when you when you were in New York you did a couple of little like web series yeah yeah with comedians yeah and then you came out here the first thing that you did comedy wise that this is not

happening no no I am well I did those web series like TJ and people yeah I was first these these guys Pete and Brian we're a comedy doing New York at UCB Brian Zaka is on the show wreck now and Pete left the business now a therapist which has got to be real trouble for his patients because he's so funny you could just do it I'll destroy these people but but they dragged me in and they introduced me to like Kroll and Polly those guys and and and and TJ Miller and that's how I did like a you know a pilot for MTV with TJ and Kroll and those two dudes and fuck what what the hell do you remember what what when we met for this

not happening what the fuck else was I doing you were just sort of in that scene like the UCB oh I made it sure I made us that short with TJ the sun dance yeah you over right before that yeah so I just come out of Sundance and met Sam and Eric it was just like all these young directors actors and writers and the UCB or that world anyway I'll call you see people wouldn't just that but there are people at Chicago I was at a Chicago didn't call Island is badass and there's in Watts out of New York from God I can't remember I can't remember his group but there were a lot of people to kind of my age that we're doing shit

now before you shot this is not happening yeah which is stand-up but not really yeah it's a form of stand-up did you watch what did you watch to prepare you to shoot yeah but on the openings what did you watch in terms of shooting stand-up itself well you know I had seen you know I've been to clubs and been watching people live a bunch and then seen like what Comedy Central was putting out as ours and I was the whole reason I pitched on this not happening what I did was like that it didn't look like anything that represented actually seeing a comedy show you'd like go watch Hannibal or whoever except for

mashup which Jordan and TJ did was fucking amazing it was a whole different thing it was a whole different thing but like most of those specials look like a Michael Bolton concert from 1992 so they're all blue yeah blue they look like they look like an enter like something you know like a live show for some Kenny G concert but it was supposed to be comedy and I was like why why don't we try to make this look like a club show and because I never really seen that nuts yeah thanks give me one too so I never seen anything that looked like that I don't know Ari was there anything that looked like this is not

happening out I don't know no because like that because the what was the John Oliver show it was all shit sorry what was John Oliver show okay I remember but I don't remember doing I remember I couldn't get on it but favorite give me up like not his HBO one right now the coming central one the showcase show that he did it was really great shot at Webster Hall I think right in New York where you shot J special yeah yeah but I can't fuck I how can I my memories going man I'm so old yeah what was it John it was the showcase show on coming central about two or three years yeah it was called like the comedians or

the New York stand-up show no no it was something on all of three just called John Oliver no way coming central presents or something new it was something very general and I can't remember but that was I mean that was the best-looking show other a mashup was like the best looking show that it's still one of the best looking comedy shows ever but I wanted to do something that looked like a club show look like a old also like looked like an old Lenny Bruce show in a strip club that was like smoky and gritty I was already experimenting with that a little bit you guys my special yeah special was like

yeah and you guys had done the show in in Montreal right in a strip club or in like a weird like secret club so I want to capture that feeling and then I wanted you know when we start talking about making the show theme-based which I think wasn't totally initially how how we or no because that's how you ran the live shows that they were like should we do that I'm like I like that part yeah I really liked it too it because it it made it seem like everything talked about was thematic which is really important to me regardless of what I'm doing it's like I want to theme I want to what we're talking about where we're

telling stories about to matter in some human way and I love that and I was like okay how can we get people excited about that idea like family or drugs or you know what's the most bombastic crazy fucking thing we can blow up in the beginning of this to be like oh this is this is the theme for the night so I just wanted to do something as insane as possible you know with our eating a cheeseburger with a hole with his uncle exploding behind him in a 10 foot fireball but way before that we did this the just the moving around the cheetahs mm-hmm which was a really cool shot that was one crazy night yeah and I

remember that you know we had all we had a lot of comics there but but who's the Doug Benson can only be there for like 15 minutes you remember this no so I had to come up with something where I could keep Ben Benson and everyone there and shoot the damn hole open in like 15 minutes out of necessity out of necessity so we came up with that so we came up with that idea and I had a steady cam operator I called him up he did it for cheap who fucking gonna keep a fucking matter tell this great guy he's a great guy now I'm gonna forget his name because I'm an idiot but I remember his Instagram which

is more fucked up steady mom but that is what's ruined America anyway we so we did this thing where we just had everyone freeze and hold still and and then we moved the camera really quickly around everybody in slow mo and then we played it back and looked like this very smooth slow shot just weaving around frozen people and then I each join the craziest like you know like like Patton was like puking on on somebody pick on safer on safer no because canane is like pouring beers on safer Abrams Abrams is punching somebody in that one of the Walsh brothers in the face Segura shooting a panda or no somebody else is

shooting the pan and he's or the elephant it was a fucking crazy anyway there was we set it all up and shot it and then Ari starts in the beginning and then I he ran around out of out of sight of the lens yeah it goes off all of his clothes strip naked and there's in handcuffed himself to the stripper pole in front of all these extras that are just holding still and had no idea that he was gonna have a dick rent in front of their faces two feet away from their head they just had to try not to laugh and inches away from Ari's giant sagging ball sack they're just like acting like they're cheering in frozen in space how

many central cut that part out we had well we had we had to blur it out but it's very clear what's happening blue that's my logo now those fucking beginnings this is not happening so fun sensation they were there they were unheard of what the fuck you guys were doing and once I'd watch him I go Jesus this is still like the most pure that I have ever been in my because I basically just sit around and be like what's like what is my 12 year old fantasies like how many central had to wake up the fourth year and go what the fuck is going on this is like nothing we have on this this can not exist look

at the openings to this he's getting chased by road warriors things I don't think they even know what we're doing we're on our own yeah we did we did it on our we did it on the internet at first so we sort of snuck under the radar and then it was a thing you know which was great because it would cost fucking zero zero dollars I mean that first season I think we shot the whole season for like 25 grand or something like that the YouTube season the whole first YouTube season it was not just never I never got a residual from YouTube I'm just saying no we weren't gonna use this we signed something oh really yeah

we gotta do an audit we gotta do an audit I'm gonna tell you something your face so just so you know the reason why I really wanted you to come in I fucking hate looking at myself so I just don't like I just don't like especially when you go on the road I know I can walk past the mirror in the whole town when you look completely different in your home yeah because your home mirror favors you it hides the fat around your ass and your knees when you go to Vegas when you go to Vegas you're like I'm a fat motherfucker I gotta go to the gym I got bullet wounds I look like that stripper I spit on during the Lake of

Gaines like right so I'm gonna tell you something right out like I for years I shot stuff if you look at my MDB bro I shot a bunch of shit yeah for years I pissed everybody off because I wouldn't show the premieres yeah you know screenings right there's guilt it just ain't my bag right right me I don't want to see dailies I don't want to see nothing I hear you man I'm gonna be strictly honest with you there's only two things I watch it myself that made me fucking laugh my ass off and that's the nun story to this day I could watch the whole 14 minutes that's a good fucking the ring and say that that is one of the

best pieces of work that and when my stepfather punched the cab driver I had so much for shooting that stuff that shit to me when I saw it on tape first so I couldn't believe I would say those type of stories I never told those anybody yeah and it just you know it was just when I already said say the story I was I had done that bit for about six months and I went nowhere they're not yeah yeah it only killed in New York it killed in New York killed heavy in New York because it's a nun community yeah but everyone else I was on Iowa and they were looking me like we don't even know what a fucking nun is I saw it kill so

one time yeah well it mill yeah well it was a theater maybe was in New York it was a broken yeah I was like god damn then we started on that show like dude you have to do that story for me it was so good when I did it on that night I don't know what year was that that we did that story I can't afford 215 216 216 216 216 216 216 216 216 216 216 216 216 216 216 216 216 216 216 216 216 216 216 216 216 2 i Zeraita to me was one of the best Zeraita was a writer was season just three that was the TV season Yeah, didn't Zeraita get mixed up with one punching the guy and I couldn't speak Spanish and all that shit You may be you did both those that night. I think maybe supposed to call her Z

But halfway through you just switch to Telling me I couldn't say her real name. I go she's fucking dead. Oh, yeah, we'd have a whole I don't know She's dead for fucking so many arguments. It could be crazy to me because you've been on fucking every Even thing I forget about that's the the course of time, but we shot that first season for digital On in 2012 2012. That's what it was. We've been doing almost seven years at this point Crazy. Yeah, fuck. I still remember going down to the first time. It was me you mark marin and somebody else and I was gonna go down there and tell a story about Something and mark marin mentioned Pink Floyd and on the spot

I just said I'm gonna tell my Pink Floyd story with lubes and get an acid And there's a joke that I came up with that night on stage really that I revamped and use it today What was the joke about I said I just was on stage and I Said something about I in those days. There wasn't it really in New York. I had never heard of a mushroom. Yeah There's no mushrooms. Yeah, they were like something like that you dreamed about like people come back I went to California in a magic mushroom and he would be like a god like whoo. It was like ayahuasca today with all these assholes I went to a jungle and ayahuasca. Oh You get the same effect by going to the Bronx and buying that Chinese heroin

I'll take it to the same place. You know, you get avoid passports. Nobody knows your business You gotta go to Costa Rica and fucking drown you see those idiots that went to Costa Rica for the honeymoon for their fucking That's the party's I'm saying a batch. You know the batch of party is to me You got two of your friends. You swam to secrecy. Maybe one because you could always kill him three You got a there's two that could team up on you You got a hook of your fuck them and then you kill them and you let them on fire for five days Take them to a hotel in Vegas days for five days Just give them dick and put them in the closet when the maid comes and make believe like nothing's happened when they come in

Oh, like a town they come in they clean you pull her out You start snort and you're fucking that's a bachelor party in the 70s a bachelor party somebody was sucking 18 dicks There was anal It was fucking blow that somebody had a lot of hot just went fishing My bachelor party I was on probation So I bought an eight ball and sat at home my brother-in-law my brother George and we watched MTV all night snort and coke My brother-in-law kept asking me. Why did you just have an abortion? Why'd you have the kid? I'm like, I'm marrying your sister you When you start it when you start would you stop with the fuck that's my life

That's my weed lighter. What it's just fire. No, but I don't want gum on my fucking car Are you I am gonna get the gun on a girl's idea with don't do that Cuz then I gotta pay the security deposit you stepped on gum like an idiot look on the floor So look on your phone when you walk you think the fucking gum is gonna. What's gonna make you pay the security deposit here The fucking drugs in the ceiling Go behind you look at that. Look at that. Look at I brought you get those two batteries You see those batteries right in front of you batteries. There's batteries right there. You see that that's that's Wolfman Jack's

official asset what For the first time this asset. Yeah, really to keep trying not to look at that water as it right there Not the wrong one. You just do two one of those that's it. That's all you need This is for you don't want these no, I do want to fuck Yeah, well people with the battery so the asset leased with the battery and goes into the acid to give it that full fucking This is Wolfman Jack You can charge a remote. I'll do this Bag of the cops pull you over on the plane. They don't know it's battery batteries

They could get 20 executives to look in here. They won't find that blood. I said, you know, that's how I fly genius I've been flying with that for fucking two months Every week just in case and then two last week in West Palm Beach. I met some girl Downstairs in the lobby and I'm like, I got ass upstairs. She's I love to do ass I went up and I guinea pig there and I gave it to see how strong she was in 20 minutes later Like they were at the show they went they went to the show. Yeah, and they were like every time you talk about quailudes Oh my god, it turns us on do you still get them? I got no quail, but I got hit ass upstairs in my room and the grass like I'd love to do ass and give me five minutes

Let me go upstairs What upstairs I came back with two hits But the other girl ate it and other people were there from the show when I was talking to them But I kept looking at that bitch and next thing I started I was watching the drinking like shots at the keelah What's that a neck has started rising and shit like that. Did you get off on it yet? It's a it's mild What'd you just take it right now sure we took it before you go look before the podcast started. Are you doing some sure? What are you talking about? Cuz I know you like to get kind of

Trusting you for anything hit them yet though. Yeah, so far. I took some like couple weeks ago for the first time Yeah, it wasn't that crazy to me. I thought I was expecting to just knock me. It's not that strong Depends how many mics and how many whatever. Yeah, it's not what it used to be this liquid I had that this guy gives it to me. Yeah, I gave it to him and his buddy just said he loves the acid It's really fucking strong. I got mushrooms in there for you. Jesus. No, I got mushrooms. Okay. I think these are yours Sure. Oh really? Yeah, there's a mushroom that's crinkled up right there. It's been out in the open I dare somebody that thing they gonna be it's right on the top right at the top I'm leaving it there cuz I'm gonna fucking brush it up and break it up like a bud one night and make at least smoke

It won't even know yeah, that's my mushrooms. That's the fucking penis on it. Yeah, that's it. That's a tremendous. Yeah, for sure Yeah, it's nice. You recognize all right. We got ounces of these It's been out there like two weeks. I'm gonna crush it Like can you get more of those mushrooms like I just gave you some four days ago like the idea much more I don't Like if you were needed to get crazy, how much would you have like eight of those like how much do you need to eat of these? Yeah, this is this is big. Look at this. Look at the bag of fucking mushrooms. I gave them This is a new one. This is all really

Jesus, Jesus. That's a fucking pillow, bro. Oh my god. That's yeah. That's my worst nightmare You're gonna hear my glaze if I took just like potato chips I have five or six of these big thick fat ones So now was tagged. Was that your first feature? That was the first feature. Yeah, how'd you get tagged? Pretty exciting. I um I like Sorry, I had uh I'm still thinking about it

I just got it through my agents honestly wasn't that exciting but I read it I was on a trip with my family that I normally went on with all my college buddies And it was the first year nobody could come because they all had twins or We're going through life shit or whatever one one guys brother just had a heart attack. So I was just up there with my mom I read the script and uh, you know, it's all about Well hanging on to your childhood friends and I was sitting there in a boat with my mom instead of my who's lovely

But instead of my boys And I missed them and I realized it was a real difficult thing to stay connected to them So I wanted to do it. So I came back and just went through layers and layers of pitching until I finally got to the um Uh president of new line is now the chairman of Warner Brothers And and that's how I got the job, you know, just a lot budget on that film Uh 26 what'd you keep it at? What'd you come in there? Well, I came well, I came in under I think I'm

Over a million maybe million and a half under that's good And uh, but then we did additional photography afterwards. So probably evened out a little bit um, and uh Yeah, man, it was fun. It's crazy though to feel like 26 millions is a tight budget, but it feels like It's no matter and I'm talking I've talked to guys who've done like, you know, 200 million dollar movies and Whatever the scale of the movie is you end up you never feel like you have enough resources, you know You're always it's you think it's kind of like, uh, You know, if you have an apartment, that's enough room and if you have a giant house

So just move shit into that to fill that up. So it's always like as much room as you need Yeah, I think so. Well, I think yeah, then you start throwing parties and having your aunts and uncles move in with you You know, it's like you when you have that space. Well, it's also like making a studio film. It's sort of there's so much Left a chance that you have you're just covering the bases the actors expensive Like giving everyone the comfortable experience It's not like when you make an indie film and everyone's just like in it for the game And and we'll like, you know, it doesn't need a trailer. You know, we had this

Massive base camp that was traveling around with us and like a huge crew of people just supporting and feeding and it was like, you know We'd run out like a giant church parking lot Just put trail the scale of it is crazy, you know when you're making it that big but a lot of it's just Built to be, you know, to be careful You know, because you can't you can't Let the whole thing fuck up and derail you need you need like enough people there that You're gonna get this done. So it's it's sort of like cushioning the whole thing. How many weeks did you have? We shot uh

41 days with the principal cast and then we had like three days with maybe two days with them With the child actors who played the the actors as young Kids and and stuff like that. So that was right about eight weeks Yeah, about eight weeks. You got them out and then back into the hospital Did you do the thing where they flashed them back in the hospital? It's a little kids running around Um, no, they're that was that was all just that was all just the adults. So we it was like so playful at the end They really were it was really not just because they're a terrific cast of actors Now beside comedy central in this have you done any other tv?

It was just uh comedy central tbs up until then so just cable sitcom no scripted all scripted Yeah, so what do you think so far that like if you had to pick your choice between stand-up Scripted in films. Well, I I love it all. It's all very different. You know, I love I I want to do stand-up always because There's something and this is a big thing. You know, when I went into this happening something I learned from Ari Actually, it's like I was trying to like Shift stories. I don't know if you remember this. I was like, maybe we should Help them out make the story a little family friendly or whatever. I didn't realize that like part was like Keeping it all very street and and Ari made me honest about like just making it comfortable for an artist to just be themselves

He did you did a great. Yeah. Well, that's why I was I started to like you more like this. I was like this guy knows how to keep And Ari does too and I didn't understand that at the beginning Because that was that was my first stand-up thing when we first did that for online And I didn't understand that and now that's what I love about it because My job is to like make it look good try to give it a feel but not You know not prescribe myself to what the comic's doing try to stay in the background And it's also fun because I just go and kind of get to sit back and watch somebody

Fucking artists perform The best thing in the world what I learned from you and from doing that that whole process too is that I don't know if you have this on movies too where it's like Everyone has their sort of talent and you trust people to just like open up and be as great like Go into whatever they they do and let them do that as well as they can. Yeah And for this this is not happening. It was the stand-up. It's like do you you prepare your story as best you can? Yeah, you do your shit as best you can

You know Calitre or Jordan do the lighting as best you can Yeah, get everyone just like you're great fucking go for it And then let's all come together. It's the best thing about filmmaking honestly So you have a lot of people who are incredibly talented in very specific realms and also have ideas about other stuff And are sometimes really helpful to see them in movies for me like doing stand-up I get to like relax and let somebody perform And also, you know like making a movie is like a year's worth of preparation To shoot for 40 days

It just is excruciating and so like You know, I get to be a director and an audience member when I go to stand up and just like sort of relax and let Let somebody else like lead the charge, which is which is nice So I always want to do that like that's that to me is like more Like I want to create television shows I don't really want to direct just episodes of other people shows because I'm not I'm not really a creative in that process is fun The cat all those people are great usually but like

I'd like to like I'm going to do a show. I'd like to create it And I'm going to I'm going to do things In between movies. I'd love to just go do stand-up specials or series because it's just It's just pure fun You know for me. I want it done too. Yeah, it's also the impact on my life. Honestly, selfishly Is not so crazy. I mean tag was Great, but I also the stress I lost almost 40 pounds over the course of six months. Damn. How are you still fat?

What I didn't have a lot of meat on my bones. Anyway, so they called me the incredible disappearing man I would like ways that really that stressful. It's it's really stressful. What do the stress come from? The stress come from the studio or from yourself or like a lot for myself Wanting to do a perfect job. Yeah, it was my first movie. So I think it was I was putting so much pressure on myself to you know, this is my childhood dream and This was it and so I was trying to put everything that I'd ever dreamed of into one movie

Very unhealthy in a general way to like put yourself worth into Into one piece of work. So But I you know, I would like wake up in a pool of sweat every morning. Just worry about this There's about million things that are all like sort of in my brain every day But you never know if everyone gets if they're everyone's seeing if I forgot something blah blah blah, right? Like wake up and remember. Oh the scene I shot two days ago. Totally doesn't make any fucking sense We need to fix it. You know, it's just that over and over and over again. It's so it's so fun

But like I probably slept three hours a night The most memorable thing for me Like I was never really A comic like I did spots at the store. Mitsy sure told me I was a comic But nobody else wanted to use me. So I did tons of fucking movies And it was really weird like I could remember The good directors In two hands

And if you count all the shit I did you go Joey just 10 of them like I work with shit like Like you go in there looking for something and they got no answers They're like, whatever you did in the audition just do that. It's so it's so funny to me It's so weird. Yeah It's fucking hard the weird thing and because recently I've been trying to like Get a community together directors. The weird thing about directing you never see each other. You never work together It's it's a great job, but it's also sort of lonely You're sort of like doing what you learn from like watching laser disc special features as a kid, you know

And taking classes or whatever and trial and error You never get to be on ever anyone else's set really and also it's so competitive He's especially coming up like every every other director wants to kill you and you want to kill them because there's only so many jobs to get a certain point So it's tough and uh And I've been like I've been trying to like Now reach out to guys and like get together Say what trade ideas trade idea like what how do we how do we all be better at this?

You know the last scene in Scarface. Yeah, you know about that. No, what was shot it and They were having a director convention So that last gunfight when fuck you I'll take you's all the help. Yeah Spielberg shot one camera No, and somebody else and they all had ideas They all showed up and said you should do this you should do that You know how long it took. Well, that's a funny thing is like back then there were like there's all these pictures of where it's like Where it's like Zemeckis and Spielberg and De Palma and Scorsese

and Coppola and Ron Howard All together all the time Just like coming by each other sets. You know just out to dinner Would I go into each other's sets supporting each other? And I've said I've been saying that to a couple of friends of mine that like we need we need to do this they had they had so much power because they could support each other and

We're running around like fucking idiots by ourselves shooting ourselves in the foot And making ourselves crazy because you know you isolate yourself. You don't have a community It helps so much to have somebody go. Oh, yeah, I've been through that. I had to do this Exactly. Even even even even you guys like talking to you about like the process even like listen to your story about mitzi on your podcast was like I related this to so much because it is a struggle. You know took take took 10 years Plus for me to get here

But when you never talked if you guys talked to the comics, but when you never talked to another director for like 10 years You're just like just are beating yourself the shit. I'm doing these things wrong. You know, I don't know. I don't know if this is right Making the wrong choice any of this worth it. You know all that kind of stuff that you just do is him being anyway I'm gonna tell you something else. Yeah, I'm gonna tell you something else. This is why I asked you About afi and all that shit Another tabulation I did Oh, they're gonna hate me for saying this USC guys

Except for peter The guy I did the longest yard with But I directed I got directed by three other USC film guys the ego And uh bullshit status that comes with it is so high that they forget what the fuck they're doing the other way They forget what the fuck they're doing. Yeah The best work I've done is when I work with directors who have started from the ground up studied

A genre and now stuck to it. I remember I did a movie with a guy named bob weissman. I don't know bob weissman did I don't know what the fuck he did but we did Dickie roberts. Mm-hmm. Okay. Mm-hmm. No blockbuster sure, but heaven I had a comedy conversation And I can understand he understood comedy had just come off ahead He had just come on for something What's a weird? It's a weird thing. I think about being in that chair being in that position That it gets to your head it fucks with your head. You know, absolutely you could go You can eat and and your insulate you can do whatever the fuck you want

I realized this when I got the tag which is not a crazy big movie or anything It's sort of blue collar comedy But like I could literally just like You know called hookers and done a bunch of blow In a trailer and not come out for three hours and they would have insulated me and protected me I'm not like I'm not that guided to do that. But like You can easily fall into it like a terrible power system where you're you're supporting whatever narrative is in your head But the fun thing about it is like

You're like literally you get to get to go Make everyone's day Pretty fun every day you get to blow stuff up You get to like tell a lot of talented people and different Different specific talents the art department people props people camera people The ad's, you know the stunts the grips the the lighting guys like Everyone's got something that's so cool that they do and if you just appreciate those things It's just like a huge little positive fun

And it's cool just to be able to do it because in this business at least you needed okay from someone else just to do it Yeah, like when you were talking when you were just saying like when they told you it's a wrap I'm remembering that feeling on anything I've ever done. We're like that's a wrap on already. It's almost like oh, fuck Yeah, like you get tired every day, but when it's done, it's like god damn it now. I'm like out of work again Yeah, well, and it's also like it is a weird magical experience even though it's fucking grueling That's the the movie almost killed me but like It was you know one of the best periods of my life There's also like a confrontation of like I couldn't put all my life's happiness into like the goal of making a

Movie that was a dumb idea Um because it's just another job. It's a it's the best job That I that I can think of but It's not gonna make you happy yet to have a separate way to do that. It was weird when I got all right So the first thing I booked was Bronx County. I moved down here for a pilot Yeah, and I remember going on the set and people weren't very nice to me Yeah, and at the time I was still three quarters of a criminal So I kind of felt insecure

Yeah, and I didn't really they fired me like I say I had Eight line eight pages in the pilot Yeah, while we were rehearsing by the day of the pilot. I was down to a grunt That was so bad as an actor. I didn't understand that they did they plucked me from the choir I had on a stage. Yeah the CBS producer who thought I was this thing and I and I just didn't have the chops and then I booked basketball and I definitely didn't have the chops. Yeah. I was that early on was basically Yeah, baseball was early on and then I booked the Taco Bell commercial and I didn't have the chops And then I went to acting classes and then I booked the mbc

Uh show three episodes with Harry Belafonte's daughter John Aston's son It was like three people famous kids and they were lawyers in the house and I had episode four five and six I was a recurring plumber This is 2000 2001. I'm a recurring plumber. I'm getting harry. I'm getting uh I think it was 1750 well an episode 1700. Oh said no, please don't let everybody talked about getting 17 000 I never got 17 000 I got like 17 15 an episode. Yeah, and I'll never forget the first day

They had to tell me whether like get on your mark. I'm like, what's a mark? Like you guys have no idea when I did basketball. They hated me Because I was on the set so long. I'm like, they're never gonna shoot me And the night before they shot me I stayed up and did like two eight balls I get there at six and they're like, you're the first shot up today and I'm like, no And I only had one line. So I didn't think they were gonna use me and they used me They called me like how many tickets do you offer to premiere? I'm like, I'm not even in the movie like no, we kept you in So when I when I shot all those things I was totally in like when I worked for the zucker brothers. Yeah

I was expecting to learn Like I was going on these sets to learn and they were giving me nothing And after baseball was when I went to uh, was that baseball was that what was the zucker brothers thing? Was that that baseball? It wasn't it wasn't tray and mat. They were just in it. Oh, they didn't do it I was it was tray and mat and then the zucker brothers directly. Yes, you're right because then they did mafia Kentucky Friday movie mafia. They called the zucker brothers. Oh really? Yeah, Kentucky is the zucker brothers Then they did mafia and they called the store and the guy didn't give me the note For mafia was bill. Well, what's his name? That's in a j more. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but

It's even the part of you was on you because you only had a pager right because the only way No, no, no, no, but in those days the store you would call and you would get there was you have a flip phone right now You can't you're right. You're right. You can't make this insult I don't know what my point is on the movie, but it was so weird. I think you're listening You got to like get a failure failure way to like work with fucking If I go on this set And I could spot the director. Yeah, I'm unhappy No one ever knew I was the director. They were right. That's why I liked you

Yeah, because I if I go on the set the director got a hat on with a feather I just got a black vest on Joey if I ever do that. I have your permission to get that Seattle guy I'll never forget that. I wouldn't shoot me in the face. I went on a roll of booking commercials with those fucking type of directors Yeah, I got an ego with the assistant next to all the right next to them at all times With a cappuccino in their hands and shit and I shot it. I booked three nationals in three weeks Oh, wow, Ari got me with aqua. Yeah, Lawrence and Lawrence was just a Korean savage Lawrence got you out for something every week and by Friday if you didn't go out He'd you'd still go out on friday. He crashed you in it was for a black roll

But go down there. You ain't doing nothing anyway Yeah, you'd be like you'd be like you'd be like I got an audition for you like, uh, can you email me? I don't have a pen it goes. I cannot email you on this one. That could be no paper trail But you need to go down What is this Lawrence crash you on shit it goes they're not taking you but you're going He was just getting the insider info Lawrence for years. Yeah, when Ari when Lawrence left his agency fucking assas of casting director or of agent assassin Oh my god, when la one other hated the first left

The agency right here on Lancashire. They're a bunch of punks and he opened up his own place Remember, they were a bunch of origin origin punks. The lady was a fat The agency was called origin. Yeah origin on Lancashire and then she comes a first call right three years and she goes Are you gonna go with him or stay with us? And I'm like, what are you talking about? She was a scumbag that fat bitch Then aqua left, but I was with Sutton Barth at the time So aqua came to the store Lawrence and he he was always a gentleman. Yeah, always cool. So one day I call arie. They go arie

I'm gonna bind. It's four in the afternoon. You gotta drop 200 on me Arie goes, I got the cash on me, but I'm on 200 south Lebran. Remember this 200 Lebran And there's 200 south Lebran. Yeah, that is a turn. Yeah, a little store in the corner. There's a casting. It's a yes There right now. Yeah, we'll fucking think you're dealing with Yeah, yeah, yeah, I go to get that place I cast commercials out there I go to get the deuce from arie. I go to get the deuce from arie and arie goes Why am I giving you money for was such a sucker bet like this fucking little ask me

What am I doing? No, no, no, no, no, no. He had already drove by this time By this time he had already let me thousands of dollars in the first time. Okay. No, I was I would just get into a little bind. You're both on the roguentor. He knew I was good for it So I go, I gotta gotta do something And I get there and arie goes. Well, am I giving you 200? There's a commercial you go right in there and book and I go What are you talking about? He goes as a mafia commercial Go in there and I'm like, you know what that's how we do it. Yes. How are you there?

And I went in there and booked it And I had called laurence the next day and I go that's how you show up with a jew you show up with an envelope You know what I'm saying? Casting you want to sign do his job if you could have booked without being called in the casting director fucked up. Yeah I went in there. You should have got a fucking percentage on that. Yeah. No. God damn right. Where's my fucking 400? I Was hilarious because Lawrence was like, ah, you didn't want me when you were with son barton minari

Now you want me I go laurence. I'm showing up on an envelope like a real jew. He goes, you got a point Come on down to the paperwork And then I went on the road And it was getting like I was doing these companies promos like they're the worst Yeah network promos for 300 and six dollars. They pay 305 So you see that idiot that jumps up and down on tv and says watch the week this week that guy's getting 305 dollars. I thought a promo you'd make more in a commercial. I had no idea Yeah, nfl promos anything for the nfl network

Let me tell you something you got to go down there with a wrench to get money out of them They're cheaper than espm like people and fox The fox sports, but when I did best dance sports show I was getting 150 a sketch. Oh, holy shit That's it. That's a good credit. Why don't you pay a lot for directors, right? Oh, yeah Yeah, they do they pay well, you know, the thing is like on a national day Like I I mean they pay really well I can't complain but like the actor's still making like 10 times With the directors. Yeah, the act really well if it runs enough and they get enough resistance

You know like bridal Like I was in this pepsi dad that I did and you know, basically finance like two years of his life. I think damn And that's why it's so weird that you're bright up when I looked at The the generates that we did together. Yeah, what I was happy that you were directing it But what you shot in the beginning is making people go crazy. It's such a cool fucking opening It's making people look crazy. I told Lisa and she said how juicy yet. I'm here. I'm talking to Jeff, but it's fucking cool It's so cool. You probably saw it

You and jay probably tack him out You shouldn't have told Lisa don't tell me I showed her pretty pretty early after you look like a real badass and that's Fucking christine. I remember we uh christine looks amazing eight months pregnant. Oh my god nine eight and a half Look at a giant cocktail fucking we walked in and out of that building And it was crazy. She's like Joey my feet hurt Oh Because we went it went like an hour like went like an hour and a half late. It was already late at night

And I was like, I got to get this one shot of them elegant tays and falling down for that casino I was like, I hate you but like, okay, let's just do it. I was like five months ago. How fast did it go? I know man, you know that I shot that I I was doing press for tag, you know, you got I got to do the junket We take you all the four seasons They put you in a hotel room with a tag banner behind it and they just rotate Reporters through and I didn't have to do as many as the actors the actors that do like 70 feel like three minutes They go on a clock They ask you three minutes of questions take them out

Someone else comes in ask you the exact same fucking questions over again The whole day is that way until you don't remember what time it is or who's who's in front of you because the same questions for like 70 people you're like, what has happened? Have I said this to you? Who are you? What's going on? So I'd done that And then I got done and flew to vegas went to the production meeting To prep work and then went on the next day and shot that 13 hour day and I was out of my mind I was just fucking burning heaters all day trying to keep myself awake in that casino and I was I was burnt and then I came back

We shot for those those three days on stage and I flew back the next day and went to the premiere for tag The next day my all my family flew in. They're all just like, where's the where's the house? Where you know? Where do we get dressed? Where we go? I'm like, oh my god Oh my god, I'll get you. I'll get you an uber. You're gonna be fine. Don't worry about it That was a hell it was a hell of a week, man. I can't I can't imagine that that was all that same fucking It looks so fucking cool It looks great. You know what? It's fun when you like like christina's like finally let's do it It's like when you work with somebody who?

You trust for whatever reason they earned your trust or whatever You eventually get to the point where you're like, okay, sure. Yeah, I know I'm tired. Whatever you got me Yeah, it was nice and christina didn't you know know me as well as some of the other people I shot her for For this and I happening but not for a while. That was a couple years ago and then for For a tell underground. Yeah, but you have a reputation a little bit. She did a tell underground Yeah, no wait Remember that No, no, she just did this not having I'm I'm wrong

Yeah, I was I was thinking we knew each other before that But even you when you're fucking making me jump out of a plane or whatever or like shoving dirt in my face I remember I pick Ari up every morning and I was like, all right, you know what we're doing. He's like, no I trust you. I'm sure you're man. I'm gonna I'm gonna throw you out a car And then you're gonna run five miles and then we're gonna shoot bullets at you And and then a helicopter is gonna pull you up. You know, I just random shit and he was like Okay, there were like two different times I'm like, hey man, I pulled a hamstring so I can keep doing this but You pulled a hamstring in front of those wolves

I was running so fucking fast. It's gonna shit on me. I'm like, I can give you a couple more runs, man But it's gonna be limpy real wolves chasing Ari Was there anything about the fucking studio process that surprised you that you weren't expecting? um It is just it's weird You know, everyone talks about studio hacks and stuff like that and the executive is being terrible The truth is they're They're in this business for the same reason any of the rest of us are they're trying to make good movies, but like

It is just it's so hard to get a movie greenlit that they're You know, any one executive's got like a hundred movies that they're trying to get made And so like and there's only like 12 slots at Warner Brothers. Damn, you know, so They just have no fucking time, you know, imagine if like you were trying to get a movie made and you had to go to You know 100 A week about 100 other movies. It's just They're just hedging their bets as like a corporate process so hard. This is working these people to death So it's not

Did they they're smart and like the president of new line is one of the funniest fuckers I've ever seen He would just riff jokes like murder. I I kind of like that like hang up the phone on him because he would just I was like I can't I don't even have enough screen time for this many jokes, man But but there's still a little there's still a little time of their day to focus And now in retrospect, I realized like how hard it is to get a director From like a TV from my level to like a studio directing level it the learning curve is so steep the politics are so hard The mayor it's it's a marathon like the people that are there aren't going anywhere. That's number one. No, they're not They're not going anywhere. And I think that I think the I think the misdumber is that they're bad or stupid

They're fucking they're smart. They're good people It's just it's just a tough job. It's as tough as our job in a different way They're dealing with politics and bullshit that we don't even want to hear about And they just moved out here to make Spielberg movies Anyone else did or whatever, you know, so it it's it's crazy and like I didn't expect like the just the Have you guys seen that documentary The Icarus in line about about the doping and in like uh professional sports? No

Oh god, it's fucking great. It's about like uh Lance Armstrong and all that shit But there's a guy who's like our amateur cyclist. He rides the Tour de France for the first time And he's just fucking like weep like weeping because it's so hard And he does it again. He's like the the funny thing about it is like when you ride it the first time It feels like those hills are just going to go on forever. You have no idea when it's going to end And you do it the second time I mean it's just as brutal and painful and feels like you're going to die But at least you know it's going to be over right and they're doing a movie for the first time you have no idea

That that when that hill is going to Crest and you're going to start going downhill again And you don't know where that straightaway is and you don't want the whole thing is going to finally be over and that was the hardest part like I was just like Every day worrying about on day two worrying about day 44's problems And realized I had like paced myself or I was just going to fucking flame out It at mile four, you know That was the biggest the craziest thing is it's funny when I had Peter Siegel on here. We spoke off camera

Yeah, and he was telling me like the longest show I almost killed Yeah, he goes I never anticipated All that football all that camera cop was funny with so many directors that after I finished called me up That I hadn't talked to in years And we're like i'm gonna take you out to dinner And they were like now you get it Now you now you understand how brutal this process is and how he how the whole system just turns you up and spits you out

You know a lot of guys are like Sort of cynical about that. I'm like I'm like Put me back and I'm ready for round two. Yeah, have you started thinking about your next movie? Yeah, no, I've got a I've I've been running around. I've got a few on deck um Well, and now it's a matter of like I have like four now They're all really fun and I actually making tag really clarified what I want to do

Like I didn't think that I was like such a like an optimistic sap going into making a movie But I I do want to make things with a positive message and that ending was so nice Yeah, well, you know it was like it's like I stumbled into that like not really knowing and and like But now in retrospect I look at that movie and be like I do really think that like it's important that To to like be silly in your life to be happy like that's something you should be being stupid Something everyone should be dogmatic about it's it's something human and that is important And have and being close to your friends and I think particularly for guy particularly for guys for me like You know grow up thinking with guys

telling you that like You know telling each other I love you or you know being vulnerable talking about your feelings with other guys is is something that's That's weak or like people call you names or that you're gay or what? Yeah, exactly. I mean that's I mean, yeah, exactly Yeah, thanks. All right. I was gonna say that a lot But yeah, but it's it's something that is That's important to be happy and I like I think that like now particularly afterwards. That's something that I want to like try to push and what I'm doing is like You don't have to like sit here and be angry. You can go say, you know

I've been through hard times too. Like that's okay. You'll get through it A lot of movies do it with like speech though. It's like I'm glad I have you guys all Yeah, but tags just in that moment where they're all playing Yeah, well, they're doing the dumbest thing ever and that's what equates them Well, they actually do say I love you at the end like to me the whole arc of the movies guys Avoiding saying I love you to each other Because they feel like they're gonna Feel like girls or sissies or whatever in the most

Insane way their entire lives even though they clearly love each other They finally say it at the end of the movie and that's that's what like takes them back to childhood. You know, it's crazy how I have like 12 friends that tell my love Changes everything eight of them tell me they love me back. I got four jersey friends that fucking die hard Yeah, they won't do it. I will I will talk I gotta even say I'm gonna go out on jerk. I'll forget about me love you all my heart You know what? Yeah, I mean you gotta say that. Yeah, you gotta say the funny thing is like until I made that movie I hadn't said that to my sister like as an adult, you know, we had we were like good buddies

But we never we were fucked around and joked and then I was like I need to just tell her that I love her and now it's changed our entire relationship your sister Me and my sister. Yeah, it's made us much closer Today I wrote down it's monday. Tell somebody you love. Yeah, it's really important Just somebody I haven't talked and I did I call like three people I haven't spoken to in two weeks and said, oh I was thinking about you. I love you. I gotta go. I got something to do. I have nothing to do even if they deny you Yeah, no, it's good to do if it's good to do to wake up and be positive for the day You know, people get pissed at me. Oh, you write the same thing every day. It's a beautiful day to be alive

That's not what's coming out of your mind while you're pissing That first piss that's coming out of your mind if you're a comic when you hit the floor You wake up and you feel a little fucked up. You don't have that like you smoked a little too much reef the night before Maybe you snorted a line. Maybe you had too many cocktails and you're not hung over and you're not Blacked out just but you wake up if you're a real comic When you wake up and your two feet hit the ground Sometimes I say thank you for giving me another day and sometimes I go Oh, shit. I got two spots at the store tonight. Yeah. Yeah, and as I'm walking to the bathroom

I take my dick out and as I'm pissing I'm already thinking about those two spots at the store and coffee Yeah, like the two spots and coffee Like how fast can I get the coffee done to really get my day going? Push it up. Like I'm thankful as soon as I hit the floor. It's the first thing. I'm I got spots tonight the fucking store Yeah, it's the best I got a spot tonight the laugh factory and

I I remember going to prison and somebody's saying to me when they hate I haven't talked to you A lot of guys are getting mad at you. You're too happy in the daytime People don't like that here. I'm like That's why they walk around stone-faced. Yeah, because that's the more you have to be angry because that's the more powerful thing Yeah, no, I wake up in the morning and I First time but that's a beautiful day to be alive. It's get your dick. So get your asshole licked You know, you're alive. There's a guy in a wheelchair somewhere. That's how that cannot leave That's the only takeaway I want from this episode is

It's take a take a piss and while you feel that stream of piss coming at yourself I have a Ancestor halter next to me Uh-huh and it's pictures of the two kids that died in the eighth grade that I hung around with it's got a picture of my buddies and High school that died My friend's daughter that died And every day when I wake up some mornings and I have to take that 5 a.m. Flight on lax And I'm like, I should just fire Justin

Like why am I taking a 5 a.m. Flight on lax? And I look at their pictures at the ancestral altar and they go I bet all these motherfuckers which they would take on a 5 a.m. Flight To fucking you know, it is kind of crazy. I was talking to joe less the other day and we're walking around smoking a cigar in new york on a weekday and um And uh We were complaining about you know people bitching about stand-up or whatever and I was like, but you know man sometimes You gotta put all those blogs down and just go for a second like we are two of the relevant new york comics

We're doing stand-up in new york regularly You know, we're kind of running the scene. We're part of those groups crew. That's like running the scene You know the 50 or 60 comics or so that's out here And how many people that we grew up with wouldn't kill now to be doing what we're doing and how we dare we complain about like Oh, they didn't give my bonus. I was so close in this place and they didn't give it to me or whatever else We're living the envy of 99 of the fucking country So it's like you gotta be thankful once in a while sadly now that went to the store

And I ate a bag of dicks in the main room Brian monarch's room And I went and I sat next to cake quickly and somebody else and somebody else and Dom Marrero was up on stage. I had a follow-up dom And I basically went up there It was like I went up there. I touched gloves I threw a jab just to see my distances Yeah, and I just started doing kidney punches like rocky like body punches

And I remember getting in the car Going down the fountain making the left and calling rogan And telling rogan I go do you have any idea how happy How lucky we are To be doing comedy at the store 20 years later. Yeah, right? You know, I used to walk in there with older guys used to hate us Yeah, they used to hate on us. It's very young and changing shit Well, when I first got there, I wasn't the most like guy there

You know Then you had to put your foot down and then some people liked you some people didn't but The weird thing is that and I say this with a lot of shame a lot of ways now I go down and people call me mr. Diaz They walk you to the door Security and I couldn't handle that. Yeah, like a year. I'm like this I feel it's so weird to me. I don't want to go to the store no more and now I just sit back and I handle it and I go, you know what I did my time

I do my time with mitzi and if they want to call me mr. Diaz So be it they want me to rush It's hard to it. So be it. This is what it is. This is what I've worked for. Yeah, bro. I want to thank you for taking the time on the degenerates Is on netflix the next thursday october 30th. Fuck. Yeah one last question What's going on with soap october? I mean somebody told me they saw you smoking the joint Nobody said that is on in new york city You look you look like you've been sober for a month. I gotta say

Yeah, you look real. I was hard. Oh healthy. Oh, I feel like that was terrible. I worked out on the rowing machine got blisters all over Fuck in it's hard. I hate it. I'm bird doing Bird's doing uh, good. He's waddling at a new level. He's never waddled as fast as I have not seen him running in the neighborhood I'm not this i'm gonna let him bullshit you in fact. I saw him the other day He holds his breath and gets his heart rate up dog. I thought he had a six pack Yeah, because I I was eating at daniels and I yelled bird cocksucker I'm watching at soap october. He looked at me waved and kept walking So something was suspicious and then the next day he had the balls to put on twitter

That a fan yelled that i mean he didn't know who he was. Let me tell you something If I yell at you, you know who the fuck I am You know, they're only Motherfucker had a 12 pack under his arm He's drinking you think he's drinking. Why wouldn't he stop and say hello to me? I busted my hand You're right. You're absolutely right 60 yards from me. I go yo cocksucker soap october I figured he'd come back talked to me. He kept walking then the next day. He put on twitter a fan Oh, that's the fucking my glasses on if it normally that would happen. He wouldn't post about it

He posted about trying to like show that it fucking though. Yeah, he's drinking. I musted that mother. He's probably stepped it up He's in the backyard with jito. I tried it for like two days and fell so rocked over Yeah, I saw bill burry. It's like i'm going extra hard to make up for you guys I'm smoking like a fucking chip. I was I was sober for like five months at the beginning of last year It was the best. It felt so great. Yeah, now I can't I can't Once you break once you're like, yeah, I forgot how good this is Once you're sober from something like once I was 30 days Sober from cocaine. I knew it was over. You were done with go like I was not I was 58 days off cigarettes

And I started again Yeah, but you gotta chew the gum you gotta chew the fuck yeah, I saw that guy I gotta try that you work together. What do you mean when you work coming up? Oh stand up. Yeah, I'm doing a live reading of my script. I wrote in college So bad Me and danish know neil are doing it with some other people. Okay Um, uh, remember 11th at the bell house. It's gonna be so fucking bad. Yeah Yeah, it's gonna be so fucking bad. And then I got my european door

And uh, what is that star? I remember 16th and reikovic in was this event? December 9th and zurich. I'm gonna love them. I'm gonna be like a big pimp. You burr christ everybody's going to europe I'm gonna be selling tickets like a doctor here. Oh, we have this thing Dude, whenever I go to scotland or something like that, like when's deus come here? I'm like first of all, he's not getting on a flight this long second of all Neither country america won't let him out and scotland won't let him in My lansky and the godfather ain't no country gonna let me in

Remember even israel is out. We gotta work. They gotta work in my lansky offered israel a gift of like five million dollars And they were like you you can't come here You're too much of a fucking you're just too much Even the israelis don't want you just too much Ari shafi always apply. I got a special called double negative that was produced by mr. Jeff tomzik. Yeah, yeah Uh in austin, texas. It's out on netflix now. What is that come out? It's been out. It's been out. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, what are you sure old names, but so good shunju I don't know june or july or august or september october november something like that when i'm done when it tells me on

It's time to me. All right. Yeah. Yeah, we're gonna figure it out I'm happy you motherfuckers came on. I want to thank mr. Jeff tomzik I want to thank my little brother. Ari should fear for stopping and helping out the church Or what's happening now is brought to you and welcoming the ridge Let me tell you something about the ridge, you know, you know much pointless stuff We carry in our wallets receipts hold our room keys spent gift cards The leather bifoles that men use resemble suitcases more than wallets

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100% that's promo code church ch u r ch you play you win you get paid I want to thank Ari for stopping in you know, I love him like my brother. I want to thank jeff tom sick for stopping in I want to thank the flying jew aka the christ killer, but most importantly. I want to thank you guys do not forget Tomorrow night. I will be in cleveland taking the cell now quick already saturday night sold out the late show I want to see you motherfuckers. I think I got radio at seven to the oldie station Then i'm gonna go buy slimans and get up a strong me sandwich and I got some 10 o'clock fucking tv show I don't know what the fuck i'm doing, but anyway, hilarity is this weekend

tomorrow Friday and saturday. I got george parez opening up and that's all you need to know I got the guestbook came out. You saw me sucking the dick Don't bust my balls. All right. Everybody has to suck a black pick up one time in their life number three Don't forget next tuesday october 30th the release of the degenerates big j. Ocus and brad williams Myself and two sensational women I don't want to thank you for getting that special on because of you guys I want to thank you for your support and the love that you guys give the church

Have a great week. Have a great weekend, and I'll see you motherfuckers next tuesday tip top magoo Take that fucking mule lee You're gonna play the way out Oh The white man Let me be light There was light Let me be drunk

There were stones Let me be guitar There was guitar Oh Oh And it came to pass The rock and roll is born Now across the land every rock and band is going up a stall

And the guitar man got famous The business man got rich And in every bar they watched a superstar With a semi-rich There were 50 million fingers Learning how to play And you could hear the fingers speaking And this is what they had to say let there be light

The sound The drums The guitar Ah Let me be drunk Oh Oh One man in the crowd called the shaking hand

The one that body do does the bare rock and band And the music was good and the music was loud And the singing had turned and it turned to the crowd It's in red Oh Oh Oh