Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #638 - Anthony Cumia

Episode Date: November 27, 2018

Anthony Cumia, broadcaster, founder of Compound Media and author of his new book, "Permanently Suspended," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio.  This podcast is brought to you by: 23andme.com - 23andMe is a DNA testing service that can offer you insights on to how your DNA can influence your weight, sleep quality and much more. Order your 23andMe health and ancestry kit at 23andMe.com/church before December 25th for a special discount.    Onnit.com - Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.     Recorded live on 11/26/2018.
  

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Deliver to your house kick this fucking mule league Tuesday the 27th of November. It's almost over motherfucker. You got like I don't know I don't know how many days till Christmas. I don't know how many days to Hanukkah Just live your life motherfuckers. Here you go Kicking at the church of what's happening now. Oh shit the man Anthony Kumiya is in the motherfucker The Christ killer Lisa at direct from Israel

Throwing bombs to Palestinians You could have a steam train Is a Peter Gabriel look good. Have you seen him lately? I haven't seen him That comes from the 80s the 70s that shit of fuck. Yeah, still good catching up. There's no clean up. Yeah I Finally, how are you sir? Really good man? Yeah, I'm honored to see you again. Thank you I'm fucking time. It has been man. Last time I was on the show with you and everybody was 2005

2005 black karate dude, who wouldn't fucking stop bothering me for Me my bodyguard. I did one movie think I called me every week, you know, I'm a karate bodyguard Every week he called me every week two one two. What is it? I'm a bodyguard. I'm available listen I don't know my mom's small potatoes. Oh It's master Poe master Poe out of his fucking mind. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I was fucking mine He was crazy. Well, people don't know it's the 70s was a fucked up time in early, New York The Martin Luther King people see once Martin Luther King died that they needed somewhere to go. So they turned to Bruce Lee Like people turned to Bruce Lee after them and once he died, they were fucked

They're walking around with Chinese shoes on remember that shit when you see black people in Chinatown You're like, what the fuck you doing? I'll tell you I'm duelist nephew. You're eating sparrows like there's a special on them There's still some black dudes that I know a dude right now His kung fu school. He thinks he's Chinese. I don't fuck with him. He's black. He thinks he's Chinese I work with it. You know I'm saying he gives me a lesson He teaches me how to karate chop people from time to time. That's okay That is so goddamn funny. Like like black dudes are known for kind of coming up with their own shit

Well, yeah, all the time like one of the best Jiu Jitsu one of the best judo guys of all time Was a special style. There was a guy at a Harlem a big thick Kentucky fried chicken You know like 280 that would just throw people across rooms in fact he has disciples and one of them had a school here I don't know what the name of the art is. I'm not I'm fucking I'm not trying to insult anybody Rogan will talk to you about him. He was sick black dude. That was just you know straight out of fucking the south And he learned judo at an early age with that fucking, you know strength of that

And he was just body slamming people up in Harlem. I forget what his name was and They they really there's some brothers when I got locked up in prison. There was yeah, there was twins two black twins I thought they were Chinese kung fu dudes. They were stretching every day Knocking people out doing fucking dragons and shit. Whatever. I'm in I'm good. Yeah, good. They ain't getting shot I'm saying they make the Chinese ain't nobody shooting them. That's all they do now All you wake up is to another poor black guy got shot. This guy. Oh, yeah Every fucking day were man last week. It was the poor dog guy

Yeah, yeah, they shot him in the head the poor guy. Yeah, they're shooting They just shot some guy in a mall. I guess they thought he was the uh, it's gonna. It was the bad guy Any day none of your black you got a snap I'm white and I'm ready to fucking snap because every day you're gonna shoot a different you're gonna cause a fucking war You're gonna cause a war. You can't say this is all accidents. These are not all fucking accidents These people they put them out there. They never dealt with that. They have a hard time dealing with white people They see a black person. They shoot a mexican god And then right they don't shoot mexicans

No, I don't see a lot of mexicans. They send them to a different country. They deport them now. Yeah Do they deport them? I mean, yeah, they've been going around. I know they threw a bunch of stink bombs at them at the border There's some stink bombs. They closed the border. There were people climbing over the top. What the fuck is going on? It's madness. It's fucking crazy. We're losing our collective minds. It's snowing. These dumb fucks are stuck at the airport I love those dumb fucks when I see him stuck in Chicago. You didn't know Chicago's a disaster. It's a disaster. Yes, especially the one The one like the one after october you take your life in your own hands. Yeah every year playing goes through the back fucking It's like major league two when the guy goes to the fucking back Every year not o'hara, but the other midway midway every midway sub january one of those southwest flights with mediocre traction

You know I'm saying they was going to the drink. Yeah, they don't give a fuck southwest They'll go into a banister and give you a free ticket. You know, nothing me. I don't get up for hours I just sit there till a Jew attorney shows up. I don't know nothing I don't know nothing. I love when they try to get get you like I don't worry about that. We'll give you a free Yeah I drop I'm like that chinese guy from united. Yeah. Yeah, you've never heard from that guy again No, nothing and I'm sure he got paid very well. Oh, he bought off tmz. Yeah, he bought off everybody He's the guy that was in the cave with those 12

He had him he was down the cave He was ready to pay cash with those little fuckers If you're willing to if you're willing to embarrass yourself like that on a plane You could make some good cash because their whole thing is they are going to drag you off of that Oh with a fucking camera. No more. Yeah. Yeah, blood coming down If you got to bleed you'd be like a professional wrestler cut yourself with a blade and just come out bleeding I'm coming for you american airlines. You're sitting on a gold mine. Yeah. Yeah Remember in the 70s they did a 2020 a hundred wrestlers cut themselves with the razor blade

How they put in a piece of tape and they would cut themselves and they cut themselves God forbid on the land and you cut yourself and somebody puts it on camera That's it. Now you're bleeding and they're dragging you off a plane. Oh On world news tonight with david viscer. Oh You get why buy why buy mega millions when there's that opportunity out there Because you are getting huge pain. You're getting paid But you got to be willing to put yourself through that kind of degradation. Oh, and I will We do that on a regular life for nothing. We're taking this to court. I've done that my whole life for no, dog

Let me tell you something one thing they teach is a criminal number one is don't take that deal Don't take that deal that deal as they're setting up the jury and you'll take that's the best deal you're like Yeah, tell them. No, I kept telling them. No No, no, no, no, they offered me nine years Nine years the felony and I and I fucking and that was a that was a good deal. It was a violent It was good to my attorney was like it's a good deal. He was a black dude That was his grandmother was the first black graduate from the law school in bolder So he just hopped and played along and they did whatever the fuck they did

So he comes to me one day goes they want to give you nine years For kidnapping kidnapping too, which means that would have done all four nine years What I did was bait it out. Whenever you get in trouble, you bait it out Uh-huh The victim disappears the victim couldn't go up in front of it because the victim Had gotten a dui and then when he went to the hospital He broke out and he robbed the pharmacy at the hospital and he stole the liquor cocaine So his credibility was gone. He had nothing. I could have held out in front of him for fucking years

So what my plan was to get a Since there was two fucking people They hit him with a public defender the other the biker and they hit me with a quarter point Attorney because there's conflict of interest That's why you wait for him immediately get arrested that way for me to get the public defender first And then they got to give you a different one and they got to give me a good one 200 an hour that you you know what i'm saying That's the smart move a lot of people don't know that move

That's the smart move You get caught in the triangle always wait for them to get the public defender You're holding off you're waiting for the iranian. This is educational and just hold them off the iranian. Who's the Is this on pbs right now? This is an amazing Cheetah cop would be there shaking at that. Who is the iranian the iranian. He's gonna call you Who's the iranian? So by the time they put you back in the jail cell He gets a public defender Now that means I gotta go up in front of the judge and they gotta give me a real fucking attorney

For 200 an hour, which i'm never gonna pay the state pays for I take that dumb fuck and I weigh him up for a few months, right? And then I fire him Then the judge gives me another 30 days to come up with a fucking attorney. That's exactly what I did So I played black alert for about fucking 90 days Then he came back when because I got arrested November 18th So my shit went through the holidays. I was sitting fucking court till like the 22nd I sat in county till my bail dropped

So I was already playing them like a fiddle That come to me the da came to me a bunch of them. I got information but get me out You know, I got tons. I know who shot Kennedy I got it. I got it off. I got it. You just gotta get me out of here. Just get me out And then nobody got me out But my the bail dropped to 3000 cash. Boom. I got out and then I played the game with the attorney for two months Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah until he hit me with the 99 year thing I told him I fired him that took another two weeks in court the victim snorting coke somewhere in Tucson. He's missing

You follow me. So i'm just stalling for time Right and then I had the money. So now I got I got 30 or 60 days. I got a new attorney. I knew who I wanted But I didn't pay him. I just kept talking to him stalling So what do you think we what can we do boom boom boom boom boom boom and then I dropped it on him. I dropped the deposit and he went to work on him And he switched to fucking violent to nonviolent He hired a proud investor again looking to my past. There was no violence So they switched this guy was that badass

Which in turn is why i'm here talking to you if not I'd be in a prison with a dress on right now doing the midnight show Wow damn. So you don't have to know how to play the court system. That is some goddamn uh story The attorneys you could always get a great attorney to buy time A great attorney, especially in new york could buy time. Yeah, i'm sitting across from Keith the cop Was uh a real he was a real cop. He was real dedicated and he knows he's not stupid He's not I grew up as the interpreter See I grew up in a cuban house and they did numbers. So I was always the interpreter So let my parents spoke english until the cops came and nobody oblongs

No, I see right the boy. Yeah, spanish people no oblong not another not another right not no say No say even a little hot Mexican lady and man on fire remember No says Spanish people don't know nothing So even when we went to the attorney my mother's still playing like I don't know nothing So we had this attorney called sam deluca and jersey said he looked him up. He's a fucking savage He's probably cutting deals on people from the grave The last time I googled them he was representing the fucking mandino brothers or something

In like a fucking fire case. He was bad for the bone He you always had to show up with suits. You had to bring two or three suits and I was always the interpreter and he would have just you coming to his office. Keith the cop He would just tell you how you don't keep the copy being charged with two uh Council book making one of money laundering is the deal I know the da's brother on the case For 200,000 I'll get you six month probation. Oh, jeez. Yeah For 150,000 I'll get you three months in jail nine months probation

For on it out, you know, and he would just give you a fucking menu Okay Let me know what you want to do great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You had a week or two to decide what figure you were gonna pick Once you gave him his 200,000 he stalled it The cops forgot where they put the tickets the evidence got stolen. It was a fucking scam But what happened where I thought it was supposed to be justice. It's supposed to be justice I don't but you know, it's like I'm watching narcos and they They're showing you this mexican government. They're so corrupt. Jesus christ

I lived in a government in new york city, which The cops will call you and tell you listen. We're gonna bust you today You know Just have a little bit of cash Have a couple calculators That's it. Yeah. Yeah showed up. They arrested you they put handcuffs on you And what a coincidence that in new york city book making used to be a misdemeanor It's a felony over the fucking bridge. Wow

What isn't that amazing Book making is a misdemeanor in new york city. You got arrested for book making you're gonna take it Yeah, yeah, and then if the cops take a thousand from you meet them at the bar and they give you 500 back Everybody's happy. They make the papers. You make the papers Everybody's happy. You know what I'm saying? You make the police blotter. They make the arrest It's a fucking system. Yeah, you know, I don't know. Is it is it still like that in uh, I don't know about new york New york city. I think it's I think they've really had to clean up their eye. I couldn't imagine getting in trouble like a place here Yeah, a place here. Everybody's straight lanes, but everybody wants a maserati

Yeah Everybody wants to fucking be mw. So you make things happen But I think if you have money you basically in any part of the country You get the best attorney if you watch the oj versus show as The show was a great show But what you learn is if you have enough money you hire three great attorneys. They'll eat you up alive Yeah, and you put like it's like a great basketball team

And i'm not being racist here. I'm just saying the truth five black guys. You go crazy That's why there's something's always one that had bob kuzi to slow the pace down You got four fucking savages and one little jew to run this show Yeah, we're gonna get it not guilty, please All those years and some things were great. Yeah, they had bill russell and this guy and that guy But they always had a little white dude running the show to calm everybody down Brother calm down. You know what i'm saying, brother's gonna be all right. He didn't mean nothing about it. Oh, shit Yeah, I think that uh, the oj thing did kind of show that wow the money the money really does

Cowboys against a high school instance It's like me putting the Dallas Cowboys against a high school team. Yeah, yeah I get three high powered attorneys. I got 10 million. I could do whatever the fuck I want You know what i'm saying like yeah, yeah three million deep your role is it if that was tyrone simpson And uh, he was up for murder and his white wife and her Oh, this wouldn't even have been they were electrocuted him at the jail Yeah, yeah, yeah, that wouldn't even have been a an issue. Oh, excellent But uh, oh

My favorite of that whole trial was the the verdict at the end when they acquitted him And uh, kardashian robert kardashian Is standing next to him the whole lawyers. They got oj there and the jury says we find the defendant arnthal james simpson not guilty and uh kardashian robert kardashian Looks down and you see him on the video looks down and looks over and and you could read his face going But he's fucking guilty But he did this

And and it just goes to show you what a high powered expensive team of lawyers Can uh can do because that motherfucker was so guilty. What a sloppy murder. You ever watch forensic files It's amazing. These people try to murder someone and not get caught. They they do things and forensic They find little fibers and everything oj just went there Stabs him slits there throw blood everywhere sloppy mess walks away leaves footprint And they don't get him. They can't get him on It was the sloppiest murder ever. They missed two key pieces of elements. They missed fingerprints on the gate It started raining that night

On his gate or the a lot of people don't know it started raining that night. It started raining in l.a. Like it was like there was like a light drizzle And they could only get a partial print and there was some other blood You know, but they fucking flipped it around They played the race car. They made it a race thing. Yeah, yeah They they just you know, they just did beautiful stuff that guy barry shagged in great work to tna guy Yeah, he's he's tremendous. That's the guy you show up amazing when things get danged He's the guy he went into business after that

I guess he's still in business of get exonerating people that have been in prison Based on dna evidence. So he made a whole career out of uh, how to do on that. It's great into his office. It's 200 g Oh, yeah Like just to walk in his office. Think about it 250 g Just to talk to him for an hour Fam to let you know what he thinks like that's the type like you got to dig the trench in the back You got to dig up grandma's money What is it gonna take for me not and he'll break it down for you. Yeah. Yeah, what's it gonna take?

Of course, I gotta get three investigators I guess that's not the way it was supposed to be It was supposed to be like regardless of your wealth or lack of it. You're supposed to be able to get a fair shake Uh, but you know, you're never gonna be able to hire those high-powered guys And I don't even think it's the high-power guy. It's who they know and who they've paid And and it could you could have a genius lawyer that knows all the law, but he's got no connections So you're gonna get fucked listen man. I did time And I had tons of conversations

along the way you know We we sit around and we goof and we have a good time, but Those people don't stand a chance Keep the cop, you know, you know, if uh, a white kid gets arrested for possession And a black kid gets possession arrested for possession And he's from a fucking Social economic fucking hell hole

He has no money for an attorney. He gets a public defender Yeah, who has a caseload of 190 people who doesn't even know the kid's name. He doesn't even know the kid's case Yeah, yeah, he gets the court that morning and he reads the docket. That's the truth I've spoken to those. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, and what it feels like to have an attorney and to go wow I'm still doing time, but I could have done 19 years Instead of four. Yeah, you follow me. That's a big difference. That's a good attorney Somebody who looks at you and said listen Like I I went and met with a law professor at the University of Colorado in bolder

He was a Spanish dude. He was referred to me by sam deluca Because when I came out, I knew my plan already I had grown up in that world. So I knew the stall I knew the stall method of fucking stalling the whole system You know, it's really funny. I was telling somebody this story the other day I got arrested In november of 87 But in july of 85 I moved back to bolder Before I moved back to but this is just to let you people know

The level of corruption that there is in this country in 1985. There was a bank And when they made a bank a card for anthony cum here They made two cards one went to the bank and one went to a guy named lee up in the Bronx And when you when you'd call your accountant that guy found out who was and they did that all the time And it was a huge thing in new york at the time. You remember keep the cop When it was under 50 dollars, I didn't have to call it in Under 50 dollars. Yeah, so if we go to a chinese restaurant, yeah, yeah spend 21 for lunch They would just put the card on a thing and roll it and give it to you and sign

Nobody's gonna look through a book Of stolen cars at the letters of this fucking big Yeah back in the old days. That's what they would do. They made it hard for you to know Like even if you look suspicious even if you had the id For the guy on the card, there was one out of 50 people That would break the credit card book out for the week Yeah, and look through the numbers and go, you're gonna now match the number here That got that cock stole and I caught police right now. You had to run out of the fucking restaurant

But besides that You know credit card was a big thing when I went to san francisco was travelers checks Oh, right. Yeah, my god. They were like stealing Yeah, they were like stealing just as good as cash I got like you come to me and go I'm going on vacation. Where you going? I'm going to peru for a week with the family How you gonna go out there you getting travelers checks. Yeah, how much travelers check again? A thousand give them to me

Say you stole them and I'll give you when they give me a thousand I'll give you back five And you make 500 and I make 500. What's the big deal? I would do we all win I would do that all day long. That's a let's see. I don't even think like that I'm not saying that's how I survive. That's amazing. Like that to me is is brilliant I knew a chick that worked at a lord and taylor At and whatever you 30 fucking years ago So I would bring her the car and go read running for me and let me know and she'd let me know what the amount was

This is 1985. Yeah. Yeah, but to go back to this credit card thing So it's august of 85 It's june of 85 I get a little lump sum money And i'm living out in bold like a doctor, you know getting up at one Going to lunch lifting weights walking around Eating and finally when I get to like 10 g's there, I got to do something So I call my buddies I do some credit cards and I go to the local mall and I go fucking a wall

I mean i'm in there war and i'm and i'm throwing the cards in the bushes And i'm going back a week later. I'm using them again This goes on all fucking or the whole month of july. I'm going to this mall the only mall in boulder Oh, no, and i'm dropping shirts. You should see me gold chains Fucking fucking pens gold pens and shit. I'm like a surgeon in there. I'm just buying vcrs I got a tv. I got everything And one day I got a call and it's footlock And footlock hires me at the mall

I put an application when I first got into town in june So I I take the job in footlocker And i'm causing havoc at footlock. I'm stealing sneakers Some kid came in with like his community money and envelope and while he was trying to sneak as I clipped the envelope The whole family was crying. It was like 800 The whole family of spanish kids Oh I felt so fucking guilty, but by that time it was done. I already had a call into the drug deal his money was gone

So one day This is your answer to like Getting money like oh, i'm running low on money. So one day this uniform fucking cop comes and keep the cops Really detective This uniform cop comes in six foot four built like a fucking tree house thinks he's fucking johnny johnny johnson Playing good cop bad cop the detective's the good cop. Mr. Diaz can we ever worry with you? I can help you off this is Uh, we've had a couple people in the mall Say that you're the guy that used like a million dollars and

A couple people have described you as the guy and then the cops got called here the other day because some Some kids envelope got stolen one of the employees recognized you and We were ready to go to a lineup and I go. No, no fucking lineup. I just moved here from new york Into my accent. I'm clean. I had to go run the computer at that time. I had been arrested one time for weed up on 178th street and they gave me six months Probation, but if I didn't get in trouble again in new york, they ripped it up So i'm good to go. What do you want to do? We'll come down to that. I don't need to oh man. Oh, yeah, yeah, I know my rights

Well, this went on for about 10 days. They came every day And then the tarzan started coming by himself Every day with the fucking uniform on you know, we got your clothes size pretty soon. We're gonna get in the restaurant I'm like, listen if you had my clothes size, you wouldn't be here right now. Take a fucking night I talked about six days. I had to go to new york on him like I just had a he was bugging me that much at work And then one sunday night they came to my fucking door And I came to the door and I go, what's up tarzan? Oh, jeez. I just want to let you know that we're giving you it out on this You should turn yourself in right now

I'm like, I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about. I got money in the bank Why would I use the fucking credit card? Would you knock it over the credit card get the fuck out of here? And he left him that night. I packed I got the fuck out of there because I knew they were on my tail This fucking cop wasn't gonna stop. Uh-huh. This motherfucker. Yeah, so two years later. I go back to boulder And I got arrested for doing 40 And a fucking 20 I got a little bag of weed on me the cop gives me a break and then I got arrested for something else Fucking like, uh, I didn't pay a ticket

So I knew that the police was in my future. I knew Yeah, I knew the malook was on me. I was running on fuel for years And pretty soon I got arrested for kidnapping I turned myself in And who do you think the detective was That fucking patrol cop that kept bugging me two years ago with the credit card. Oh, shit So I'm trying to figure out what is this moron gonna figure out who the fuck I am So we're in court together every time we're in court. I wouldn't even make eye contact with everybody. He hated me

He hated you again. He hated me from the jump The time I turned myself in he hated me. The other guy's cop name was jimmy kola When they did that thing about, uh The girl they killed in boulder about a year ago on cbs He was the whitehead cop jimmy kola played the cool drug cop The other guy played johnny tarzan So finally me and johnny tarzan just banged heads Well, I didn't really want to bang heads of them because I didn't want him to go

Hey, yeah, that's that you're the guy from a couple years ago So for the whole year that I was out every time I go to court for some reason he was there I would say when is this moron gonna figure out? I'm the guy that he was looking for two years ago. Never They sentenced me the whole thing. I came out. I'd see him. I'd wave at him. He never said He never figured it the fuck How the hell uh, it must have been some Extenuating circumstances the uh the kidnapping thing. How do you get into a kidnapping fucking?

Fucking drug rip. Oh, okay. Yeah, I it's not like in the movies where it's like, ah You return this person and I'll give you this much money Yeah, so it's like kidnapping is moving somebody from room to another exactly without that consent Yeah, yeah, that's the best when the girl goes. Oh, he pushed me and I went into the other room. Oh, Jesus Like god damn it. Yeah. Yeah. I I know she fell in that floor No, she didn't don't be lying to the cops. Yeah. Yeah, the legal system's fucked. I can't stand it take you You talk about the stall technique I always want shit to go fast like just get it over with and I think they bank on that

You know, they want you to take a quick deal or something like that. I think well, they want you to yeah Yeah, yeah, but if you have if you make them wait eventually, they're gonna be like we gotta tie this No, that was lesson number one. I was always taught as a kid. Yeah, I heard them all the old time is talk Don't take the first deal. Interesting. I'm gonna go fuck the mothers up. Yes Tell them to take that deal and stick it. We're gonna fucking let the taxpayers pay for a right, right Interesting and you keep telling that the fucking da that go fuck yourself. Yeah, I want this go fuck it But whatever you come back for that da you better have something Not like be a rat, but you better have something to twist his opinion

You just cannot go in there So I was a letter writer. I always tell people to become a letter writer When you die the the church or the Funeral parlor automatically makes 250 obituary cards That means that everybody knows 250 people When a judge sees you and he sees 200 letters, he sees 250 fucking voters per letter That sways a judge's decision always comes down to that. It sways a da's decision Especially if they have political aspirations

That'll ever want something like that held against him. So when I went when I got locked up I had everybody having made contact right a lot of people. I didn't even in jersey I was just paying people write letters get your uncle to write a letter. He's a catholic He you know, he came to church every sunday. You get priest every letter is a voter Every letter is a voter whether now or somewhere down the line I didn't even think of that. Yeah, it's fucking crazy all the fucking loopholes, you know No, shit, and it's fucking crazy when you get locked up. That's why we live in a system Getting locked up is like giving the criminal steroids

Because he comes out with a new gift He learned something when he's in there That he didn't know before Now he has two ways to make a fucking living or three ways It's not drug dealing. It's something else. That's why once you're in the system, you get caught in the system You never get out. You never get the fuck out because every time you get in the system You learn something new somebody tells you a new fucking scam So it's it's kind of weird how the system works

The system once you're in it, they want you to stay in it, especially today's system You know, if you let's say you get arrested in seattle and you make bail at 10 in the morning, then let you out till midnight Why do you think? Why do you think miss america You don't even fucking know you're just sitting there Why do you think because if they let you out of 10, they don't get paid for the day by the state That 48 dollars they get for that rotten oatmeal. They're giving that fucking salami sandwich they got from fucking stake them It's all about the numbers. You're there filled so many hours

You know, that's the biggest businesses in this country are the biggest things the halfway houses and private prisons It's like a it's like a fucking license to steal Wow, but they just don't give you those somebody just taps on the shoulder and says hey You want to go partners with me on a prison? You get no license to steal Yeah, those halfway houses they they get the property cheap Then they get a land tax. They don't pay taxes They get a federal fucking government loan at a low interest, but they still pay the invicts They still put an invict in there seven people in a fucking one bedroom

How the fucking 400 piece that's 2,800 per apartment It's a business people don't know about this is what it is. You just don't know people You think listen now the majority people are not in the system don't know right and then i'll deserve to know about this The people who aren't in the system that are good people They don't deserve to know about yeah, there's some pieces like shit like me That know and try to tell people why not to get arrested and shit like that It's uh, it's speaking of an enlightening. I don't mean to ask you this if you don't want to discuss it How is our friend already doing i'll discuss anything

already Yeah, he was with I get these mixed fucking emotions about rehab. I'm not in rehab I'm doing a comedy show Is he in rehab or is he doing a fucking? I know that's just it He I was with him for they let me out for an hour an hour who lets you out for a fucking hour No one I didn't get it. I don't know either. I I try to get info on him. I care about the guy we were you know Everyone loves all right. This is the first thing you hear. Oh, honey. I love the guy. I love him And also funniest motherfucker you'll ever hear and it's true. It's true. People love him. It's funny. He's one of the nicest guys

But he's got his problems. He's got his demons and and when when you go to rehab Uh They don't let you out This is what I show. I don't let you out to go to a bar. Nothing. No come they take your phone They take everything no emails. No tv. So I don't know. I don't know what's going on I always hope the best form and hope he's doing well and what have you but uh, I've never heard of anything like Getting out of a rehab To for an hour to do a show at a place that serves alcohol and stuff. It just doesn't make sense, you know

It's weird to be a comic to be 55 to think of everything that I saw And you could say whatever the fuck you want, you know You were involved in some of the funniest radio shows in history crazy where I've laughed my ass off crazy shit in those studios When jimmy first got on and the guys were raw and the fucking this and people fucking in churches and you know, it was crazy but already on stern

Yeah, there's some episodes that Just a mind boggling. It's it's not even radio Yeah, yeah, it's something else, you know, and And for already, I think now it's like having ptsd. He survived that. Wow. You survived. What an interesting take on that You know, uh, opi, you know, yeah, you guys are talking. I don't know what's going on But you understand me. Yeah. Yeah, you put that into that We all suffer from some form of ptsd, man that we don't even know like there's something, you know

I got hit in the head when I was six at Central Park in a lunchbox changed my life forever I knew a girl that hit her in the head. She was built like you nice and thin She got hit in the head next you know, she had two triple d's Hit the side of her brain her tits were bigger than fucking life. You should have seen her titties Getting hit in the head. She had little titties all life. You got clocked in the head amazing, you know need to know the science behind that It's uh, it's really weird with the effects of Fame due to you with the effects of

People giving you drugs. I told the story on here You know, I did fucking coke like already. I know all those spots. I know those spots Yeah, yeah back and that's why I left new york Hala and I still can control my emotions. Yeah in new york. I know that two in the morning I could look at fucking whatever the cop and go hey Let's go buy a grenade You know, new york is the only city in the world that offers you that. Yeah. Yeah four in the morning I could look at you and go we go get a kilo and a shotgun and a grenade right now

Up in brooklyn and then there's open you think i'm gay. Yeah. Yeah, they're there. They're open all night They're waiting for somebody to come and buy those guns. Can a guy like me find it? No, they Fuck you And then make it swallow their load and throw it outside in the carpet Like the hooker and for the patching the brock Remember the hooker roller up in the carpet throw it on the junk pile in the carpet Those days if you looked into one of those open parking lots and you saw a carpet rolled up And you smelled something in the air you just kept walking you didn't play in that

That was they were just blocks upon blocks of just burnt out bombed out buildings in new york That you would only think we're in in syria Now They're all built back up. Everything's nice or they're gone But yeah, when you saw a rolled up carpet after watching that movie and you saw a lot of them in new york You just thought oh, that has to be a dead hooker in there That's why everybody had carpeting in the living room dead hooker and just in case We wrapped you up

You put you outside. There was no technology then to get a lot of blonde hair out No, no, they found the blonde hair somebody shaved their ass holy and they didn't know nothing about it. It was uh, it's crazy Yeah, there was times me my friends out on long island. We uh jump on a train long island railroad All hours on a friday or saturday night and just go into the city just to look around we weren't going anywhere We weren't going to a game or you know 57 okay, so you remember oh, I remember those days and it was we walked around like it was an adventure It was just you know, it was it was danger. It was amazing down down by the javits center There were nude women just walking around. I just went to god

And the one night I swear to my mother's I swear that little girl I have at the house It was early show thursday I take the fucking uber back to the ferry And I stood outside the ferry for five minutes and I go What was here when I was? And I go, I remember what was here A thousand hookers Topless letting your finger room. It's crazy disgusting. You would hang out your window

They would let you squeeze that this right and the four pimps were four black retarded dudes in wheelchairs that you thought they were retarded They were the wheelchair like But they shoot you with a fucking gun if you fuck with one of those and it was it had to be Try to explain to the people at home that this is no exaggeration. Yeah, richie the cop Was there a half a mile? Whatever his fucking name is. I know he's something the cop keep the cop richie the cop. Maybe let's just keep Whatever the cop. I like it. I think of a name Bobby the cop so he could remain anonymous. Yeah, it's still got his pension

The truth in 82 to 84. Yeah, would there be a half mile worth of women out there to a mile of women Endless naked in the summers in july Westside highway as you pulled up because we were going back to jersey So we go no no no night the avenue. Take a ride. Let's take a ride. Let's see what's going on They would come up to the cars and take their tits out and you would suck them Those tits had herpes on them. They had mushrooms on them. You're sucking the guy's saliva from the car in front of you Disgusting

Yeah, be a row of cars. Yeah, be a row of cars and all the cars would be shaking from people sucking dick And you'd be in your car like a fucking like look at this street. Nobody would believe this When I was in the police academy one night when we were done and this was early 90s We were carpool. There was four of us. So we get we go we get beers. You know one of my uh One of my friends in the car goes come on. Let's go see the hookers. We'll go over by a port authority So we go down there by javits and we're driving around and we turn and we turn right in and we'll all the traffic Like uh, you know, it's just guys, you know, maybe it was a checkpoint, right? So here we are. Oh, fuck. We're in uniform. You know, we're in our uniform

So we come you know, great shirts from the academy come pulling up and the cop looks in the car and he goes Sorry, sorry. Come here. These rookies want to get their cocksuck. Come on So it started comes up to the window he looks in he goes get the fuck out of here Come on. We didn't say a word. We just fucking left. All right And that was and what year was this? That was 92. Yeah, bro. I was long. Yeah, I came back in 93 and I got a job working at uh A Nissan store. I'm 57th and 11th. Maybe down by banano insurance And they have a hot dog stand on the clothing. Yeah

to our larry is banano insurance And I don't know about then I'm talking about 10 years early. No the 80s. I remember going crazy We would be headed back You know, when I started podcasting I started by Rogan said to start podcasting And I didn't know anything about anything like all of us when we started podcasting we're telling the story One day I was doing the podcast of Felicia Michaels And she's sitting across from me. She's got the the spittoon thing like me. So I can't really see her

So I was sick and tired the pop filter for everyone So I'm sick and tired of fucking talking nonsense So I told the story. This is how this whole thing started for me Now I had been in movies tv. Nothing ever worked I told the story about us going into the city. We went to a club. I don't know the name of the club It doesn't matter and I had a buddy Oh every time we went to the city As soon as you picked them up

As soon as you got in the car, he would go he would touch his dick and go Oh, I'd go for a nice dick sucking like that's how the night opened like oh filet mignon tonight Like for them And he would scratch his dick and he would go Oh, I could go for a nice dick sucking and oh one hour every hour on the hour Wow, I'd go for a dick sucking So whenever you went into the city with him you could always count on him stopping and getting his dick sucked Yeah, like it was like automatic. He was he was just giving you a warning

Like at some point tonight, we're gonna have to stop You know if you want to get a blowjob, I'll pay for you But it was easy back then too. They were everywhere. They were everywhere. Yeah, so we pull up, you know Now this was and it was right around the corner from Lincoln tunnel Oh, yeah, this was walking this is the tunnel used to be a Mercedes Benz dealer there As you made the turn and made the right turn into Lincoln tunnel There was a Mercedes Benz dealer that kept this lights on all night And on that corner was a fucking pretzel guy that that guy he definitely died and wrote a note before he died

30 years selling pretzels sniffing that carbon monoxide from the tunnel That guy did not have a good ending. He ended up dying like a fucking razor. Yeah, that guy woke up one day. It was like Fucking I've been sniffing fumes smelling exhaust and dirty fucking you from brake pads I'll never forget he bite into the pretzel and it tasted like an exhaust So what we did was we went around the corner and I left out with Roger Pelle was the one that was gonna get his dick sucked and it was Al's car Yeah, so I didn't want to go get a pretzel. So me and stinky and another guy we walked over to get a pretzel We were hungry get your dick sucked

Because I don't want to send this corner. I just don't want to stand on this corner. It's disgusting There's a row of 20 cars And the women are walking like the walking dead in my lion team. Oh, yeah They were like the walking desert episode of walking then just women walking across the street. Some of them got beat up Yeah, some of them are yellow and they're drunk. It's a fucking nightmare Just in various states of undress and by that time I was already done through all that shadow already gone I had already walked down Broadway And that they would make you walk into strip clubs

Yeah, the girl would sit on your lap and try to work you for a bottle of champagne But she wanted 60 but before you you felt her up like a savage You were 14 your dick would get hard You would feel her up till you got dizzy because you were like 14 And then she'd tell you it's you got to buy me a bottle of champagne. Oh, they were 16 dollars You're like, I ain't got 16 dollars. Get these fucking young kids out there But you have all come on your pants You go into four different spots and come in your pants

Because they said I'm gonna they kissed you right out with them. You didn't care if they sucked a dick for a kid It was a chicks making out. He's amazing. You'd be fucking but you don't tell anybody that that Making out with hookers didn't give you credibility at those and no no It's not like making out with your cousin or something like that. Like, you know saying Which one's better? I don't know I never made up with my cousin But I'm just saying that So we would go to six or seven like you said

New york was a fucking And especially you were from a suburb and went yeah, because that's what you did You went you heard about it from your friends It was like, oh, yeah, you got to do this and the first time you go It's just this you're you're in a it's an adventure that that like you could die You always thought like this we could die here And you always had one stupid friend that bought weeds in the corner And he bought terrible weed. It was fake. What are you doing fake?

Because the guy would tell you there's cops around don't open the weed till you get down to the corner And by the time you get to the corner, you open up. It was tobaccos with fucking spit in it And you went to get the guy and the guy was lost. Now come on. His name is flocko. There's no You know, there's no flocko. There's no flocko. Fucking hysterical My buddy bought acid one time and they sold him a piece of paper with coffee Strip on it. He came back. I got beef for 40 hits. You dumb fuck rule number one is don't buy nothing on that fucking corner Yeah, I was like then everyone christmas. Don't buy nothing Don't buy nothing a guy that we were in the city with he wasn't a buddy of mine

But it was we were doing a gig or some shit and he comes back. He's like, holy shit. I just got a vcr for 50 bucks And he's holding this box and it's wrapped in shrink wrap that might as well have been bullet proof You couldn't peel this stuff off and the label for this uh vcr was taken from the whiz ads The guy just cut pictures of vcrs out put them on the box shrink wrapped it Uh, and he couldn't open it on the spot because the shrink wrap literally needed a knife So we're like, oh you fuck open it open it because we got to see what's in here It ain't a fucking vcr. He opens. He's like, no, no the guy was he was all cool and opens it up

It's uh, it was uh, three bricks three bricks With newspaper all around it so it jostled around But like what a fucking ads who would who's this stupid apparently a lot of people are they used to have three card Monty on the streets. Remember those guys remember three car three car monty and they'd have the mark And then the guy that worked it and then his partner who would win There's someone winning. It's like, oh my god. The guy's doing is like, I can't believe this guy's winning I'm winning and then you'd be like, hey wait. I want to play

And you got beat I was listening so I grew up on 205 west 88th street And I lived there to the third grade. I went to ps 166 But my mother's cuban so we always had a barn union city, new jersey My mom made the commute so I was always a city kid that I'm not the city than my godmother my santeria godmother I'm out of 148th and Broadway. So I'm a santeria dude 148th street So then we moved to jersey, but I always as a kid My godfather would always take me to 42nd street to watch the love bug and then we started watching charles bronce and movies the velachi papers We always got a hot guard. We walked the victors cafe. That was my uh, cool. Yeah, that was my fucking turf as a kid

so As I got older like I wasn't scared to go into this city like I already knew how to get tickets at the garden I knew how to do all that shit by the age of 10 or 11. Wow I remember being 12 ish 13 ish because down especially out died when I was 15 Blast remember going over there. We used to snort PCP Okay, we'd buy fucking they were called thc crystal wait at 12 12 13 13

On sundays and sundays. Oh my god. We need to tell our mothers that we were going to A karate tournament to some bullshit And four or five of us we get two ten dollar bags And we cut it up between the five of us and started Get on that last bus from union city to fucking the city get off of port authority And we cut a deal All right, you three fucking morons You go and i'm gonna take lee with me and we'll meet you up at port authority on 181st street at five o'clock

So you would walk to eighth avenue me and lee would walk to tenth avenue But at first we would stay together for a little while. Yeah. Yeah one day we we've got off 40 We got off port authority Right there was peep peep world Yeah, yeah, they had to peep with the peep show a lot of peep world the fucking peep world was all over the place Then you cross the street and get the id's you get the fake new york city id's Then you walked off the corner to broadway when you made that left To broadway. This is how lucky this is how good I had it growing up

Across the street from that broadway like 30 yards away from broadway. There was a gyro place. I was there forever I grew up with those kids in northern new jersey. So whenever I was on 42nd street I went there for a gyro was my high enough for a minute or two the best gyros in the world They were fucking greek the kizak is bright the fucking tremendous Tremendo aromides Helen and her brother aromides and he worked a real greek. Yeah, and we would go in there and eat We all knew and then we would make that left And you would come out where the fucking thing spins around

And tells you the news bulletin and that whole street we were all on pcp That whole street was banging this one Saturday was a beautiful day to be alive How to be about one in the afternoon we walk about 50 yards And there's a guy playing three card monty And he had a circle around Oh, jeez these people were throwing cash and traveled his checks And they would have to look out and they would go cops and they would blow the table up and the guy would sit there going I just lost 1800

It was fucking brilliant how they did it But there's one day I'm there with this kid Dominic Carlos Perez who's still alive Dominic's brother Sabatino who's two years younger. He was like nine We had him in the city already with us And we're watching the street card monty And I fucking put ten dollars down and I lose And this Dominic's for she out kid got the rest of so looks at me. He's like, what are you going to ask? Yeah, yeah, that's running a fucking scam. Didn't you know it's all a scam

No one wins and he as he's looking at me. He looks down And I see him And there's he's calling me an asshole and a fucking dumb spic He's saying all this shit to me. I thought you were more street knowledge Oh, no, no, this is a fucking scam and all of a sudden out of the corner of his eye I see one of the cards get him and I see him slowly get hypnotized and he goes in his pocket Yeah And you put a fucking tender like who in this he lost because the guy used to bend the cards

That's how they get you they didn't even bend the cards and show you the fucking card bent And you still couldn't fucking get it and when I never forget him calling me an idiot And all of a sudden him And now for like 10 bucks. We called each other. You're who's the dumb fuck. You're the dumb fuck Well, you lost first. I wouldn't have lost if you wouldn't have lost if I wasn't standing there. Fuck you That's how they do it, man. They take that fucking They hypnotize you and try to make it back to 181st street And then we either walk the bridge

And take the bus from four and leave back to Walk the bridge dog How many times I walked that fucking bridge In 93, they already knew that people were coming over from jersey. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, my drugs up in Washington Heights So they were monitoring the cars, but they weren't monitoring the fucking savages like me I would walk over like I owned the joint, you know what I'm saying? I would walk over walk right under the bridge go right there Get my little half ounce of tutu-lutes Walk right back to Broadway stop at the cube and join two blocks up from the hospital

Get myself a little boliche with some rice and beans fried bananas I'd kill an hour and then I'd walk back. They'd forget all about me. Who the fuck is this guy? How do you think I forget about this 12 year old kid walking on? No, this by this You're fucking Momo. I couldn't imagine like this is 93 when I was doing comedy I was just starting to do comedy and I was working selling cars in the city and I went back to do a short step doing comedy and that's how I lived in Fort Lee So instead of paying the two dollars for the bus, I just walked across the fucking bridge What does someone just say you're a funny motherfucker? Why don't you go do some comedy?

Yeah, it's pretty much I used to wake up in the morning go to Safeway in Fort Lee and steal a box of What's that shit women use for yeast infections? Monastat seven I'd steal two boxes from the Safeway walking across the bridge and up in Washington Heights All those crazy fucking Spaniards up there. They live with yeast infections So I would sell it for the bodegas for half price It was like a scam every day. Brilliant. They brought aspirins and yeast and you saw a fucking. No, I knew junkies No, you saw the the market. I didn't see nothing. I didn't see nothing the market. I knew a guy that was a professional junkie

He lived off heroin and they go, how do you shoot every day? It was easy. I steal monastat seven They sell it in the city. He goes those fucking Spanish people. They all got yeast infections They got kids when they're 14 and shit So who would have thunk it? Can you fuck? Monastat seven 1993 Whatever cures the yeast infection. I'd bring it over there. I'd have a pseudo. How much do you get for each box? Like 40 bucks. I have a pseudo. I was selling cars on 11th avenue 10th avenue

at either midtown nissan I worked at like two places. I never worked at a demasty place. I didn't like them I went to the nissan store and the jeep store But there was days. I had no money. I was a junkie. Oh my so I would take a shower Walk the fort lee. I would have a briefcase and everything. I would put both things in there some uh Anacin whatever by the like you're the salesman for fucking monastat walk over the bridge Yeah, yeah, I had something about dagger get like 60 bucks to get the day started and we'll take it from there How the how would he breakfast like a doctor get a bag of weed while I was there like a gentleman

And then I'd go sell cars And then when I ran out of money in the daytime at night I was such a scumbag I'd go in the cars and take the quarters all the cars that were there for service I take all the tokens and shit the next day I come back all my tokens It's a car Before cameras so I'd be there with the suit on yeah service guy would go some mother fucker keep stealing the tokens out of the cars I'm gonna find who the fucker is gonna find every night. It was me a quarter of nine I'd steal 20 tokens and sell them at the bar here. Have a token now. You can't do that. Give me a blast to coca

I just saw recently a video of some guy working at a car dealership or uh, oh, yeah And the camera's on him and he's taking the money He's taking uh changes a few dollar bills or something and then you see him look at the camera And he he gives it this look and then leans in closer to it And he's like, oh fuck. I'm I'm fucked. That's it. You're done. They got you There's no film in there. You can't take it and you know break it. They got you. It's somewhere else Yeah, now you're on camera everywhere like because you're talking about those old days and some of these uh

little scams and things that people work Done. It's ancient history. I grew up in a my stepfather was a very not paranoid because of drugs He was very conscious And over the years the education I got from him was like he didn't talk in front of a phone Really not even if you had to talk to each other on the outside. Yeah. Yeah, he didn't talk close to glass Even in the 70s. Wow because he knew about the parabolic might. Yeah. Yeah. You know vibrations off the glass Like they got in the NFL. He would tell me I use that defense

Alexa forget it. He would smash it with a hammer. Yeah. Yeah, bring Alexa to this house. He would smash with a rat right in your house So phone he would never have but there was something I was gonna tell you About like his code Anyway, who gives a fuck? Yeah, it's a different world now. New york is uh, and that's why I say to you like when I go to new york now I remember places by landmarks Those landmarks aren't there. Well, they're gone. Yeah. I am in shock when I go to my hometown now. I am in shock Yeah, I have been shocked like every time I go to my hometown. I I fucking It's like the first 24 hours is like

How much more are they gonna build? They figured it out. I guess they could make a lot more money that way Just plowing stuff over and changing these neighborhoods over. That's why we were talking before They you could tell when it's happening. They put in the coffee place And they put in a nice little boutique and uh whole foods and things like that and then before you know it You know, there's a bunch of hipsters in there and white dudes and uh The indigenous population is fucking god

And I don't know where they go I read an article a couple years ago in the boston globe that a lot of the new like uh luxury buildings they're building Are empty like people from china have so much money that they buy it as like Oh, I own this if I need money, I'll sell it like they'll never see their their apartments Oh, they don't want to even rent it like actually go in there and right. Yeah, they just have it as a part of their portfolio Yeah, that's like how much are these apartments over here like 25 000 3000 for a one bedroom I know in new york, that's not much but Fairly that's so relative. New york is just a rent. It just put the but it goes all the way. I mean

Guys, it's it's grown. Yeah the days of I can't I don't want to buy a house. I can't afford to buy only this house in this name, but It's crazy million dollar house. I don't need a million dollar house You know, it's fucked up a million dollar house these days nothing is not it's not like when you thought oh a million dollar house It's gonna be a mansion a fucking yard. I don't have a neighbor for a mile. Yeah now. It's like a million dollar house Well, you could fix it up I go a million bucks. I don't want to fix her upper for a million dollars I'm gonna move in but you know times they uh have changed what happens with all this shit the next year or two

The kids still young we could read the re-adapt somewhere. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you know, I would love to stay in california The question is where do you go? Yeah, yeah, there aren't many places that are any better or worse or you know, because I look at new york and go The second I can stop I need to broadcast from midtown we get guests and things like it It's new york city, but the second i'm done You think i'm staying there pay those ridiculous fucking taxes sit on those ridiculous laws that that Infringe on every constitutional right that you have I want out of there, but like you said, where do you go every every state?

It's pretty much the same bullshit you you get some a little better than others With some of the laws and taxes and things but for the most part you just shelling out money You know when you stop working you still have to pay money Like they still want taxes and stuff. It's like i'm done. I retired if you retire. I want to just be done And live out my life. Why do you still have to keep doling money out to these motherfuckers? It's ludicrous man. It's it's fucking. How did we agree to any of this shit? Why aren't they supposed to be? Representing us when they go to washington and and then they come back with well

Here's the new law and you're like who who represented me on that i wouldn't agree to that shit I gotta pay money like all the insane amounts of money even if i don't work anymore Fuck them maybe you believe right is that where you want to go keep believe i do not believe The taxes we pay it's crazy never thought about as a child. No you never thought about it Now as an adult i look at it and i just shake my fucking head And that's the cost of freedom That's the cost a lot of things in there But we're really paying a vague it's just hidden. Yes, it's the same vague they pay in russia only here

It's hidden You know 30 years ago this vague wasn't this exuberant No, this vague has grown and it's growing every year and You know, i don't know nothing about i'm not an tax accountant. I'm not hlo blocks nephew. That's what they do They keep it so complicated But my wife's an accountant And when she shows me that shit my fucking heart stopped it's it's fucking my heart stops My heart stopped. How did we agree to that? I work, you know, I gotta go on the road. I gotta carry luggage

You know on the road the fucking prices are exuberant Yeah, you go to a hole You know, we went to a hotel the Boston Red Sox were playing the Yankees The hotel's doubled up and fucking rice up the weekend. I was you know, it's like you have no idea, you know The amount of tips you doll out You know the volume that you need to do i can't do anymore To really really really bite into comedy. I'm too old for it When I don't like to burn out. I like to do the podcast twice a week and then

To stand up for a weekend and have a couple weekends off and you know, I'm one of those guys relax at this really do it It's to do it every week. It's to do two theaters a night and whatever. I don't have it at me I don't want to be that guy. That's not what I signed up for And how about some downtime just to fucking recharge or relax or enjoy yourself? You can't even do that now because you got to keep pushing and pushing to pay that vig that you're talking about You know, I look at these houses in wilderness hills. I'm not a fucking idiot And I know one thing I know what it is to fucking starve and it's because I starved years ago because When I was married, I didn't know what vig meant every month

You got to keep your vig fucking low jack. It's got to stay low at every effort. I drive a super. It's a great fucking car It's 264 a month And I don't drive the san diego and back. I'm gonna say you're not gonna bank me on the 50 cents a mile. I'm not a fucking uber driver So, you know what i'm saying, right? Right? I mean I look at and it's not being shrewd or cheap It's just getting the most for your fucking dollar and today's fucking economy You know, it's a fucking nightmare. It's crazy. It really is and what happens when the tickets stop selling What happened when the tv shows that's what you got to worry about. Yeah, what happened to give vig is still 12 g's a month You know, I could borrow 1200 key to cop

I could borrow 1200 12,000. That's a tough one to borrow The tough one to borrow. I hear you man. I come to you like a man. I went to him having a rough month I need to I need to borrow 264 for my super. You'll give it to me with a smile If I come to you to say I gotta pay 600 for my Porsche You're gonna go joey To sell the fucking Porsche You know what i'm saying? It's time to suck dick to sell the Porsche. You gotta You gotta make up your mind on that one. I want you to

And there's just no accountability to it either like like if I was paying This amount of taxes and I got this list of everything that was being done. I thought wow that's pretty good What's my money going for right? But these motherfuckers are all the most corrupt scumbag. How the fuck is someone like Pelosi and and Warren and and all of me republican How do they go into public service the noble occupation of public service and leave? multi-millionaires with the greatest houses Uh, uh, not anywhere near their their constituency, you know, they don't live in the areas that the people they represent

They live in these amazing houses. It's a how does that happen? How did you the person that was supposed to go to Washington in lieu of myself to represent me and tell The upper echelon of government what I need back where you live How did you end up fucking rich and i'm sitting here paying you to go and tell them what I need It's fucked. It's not the way it was supposed to be And we just we eat it we sit there and eat it because there's no recourse What are we what are you supposed to do revolt? They'll throw you in fucking prison in a second

You even start talking about the fact that you're dissatisfied with the government these days On social media and they'll either throw you off or they'll call you something Ist or a fob or whatever it is But you have no recourse to go after the government you think votes do it the closest we got is trump We voted in a fucking maniac and I love it. I couldn't be happier I wanted a monkey wrench thrown into the works And he's hilarious. So at least I've got my money's worth there But other than that

Where do we go to say I don't like the idea that this person supposed to be representing me is making a fortune And we have to pay more and more every year Like you said, how about you're done with work all that money you made maybe things slow down And now you can't you have to still pay them? I paid you a fuckload when I was doing really well Now maybe things aren't doing so well. You're gonna cut me a break. Oh, no, they're worse than the mafia Of course, they're worse. They are they're worse than the mafia. You know, it's so weird how I grew up in Hudson county It's like the second most corrupt

town When I left Hudson county in 83 I knew I didn't like politics like I had already Said to myself, why would somebody do a job for 28 grand out of the kindness of their heart? You're not gonna pull that on uncle Joey tell that to your fucking aunt who believes Because they know there's something in the back end, of course Okay, so if I saw that at a micro level at a micro level Think of what it is at a macro level. There's that lady in mississippi who put the confederate hat on

And said they should hang people and lynch people and all this shit Did you see all the people that gave her money that want their money back? Isn't it crazy? So what do you do with this money? What do you do with all these contributions? Do you really use them? No You use half of them and you fucking cook the books and now you live like a fucking doctor. You live great You know, I mean if you don't know this is an american There's something wrong with you. It's it's bad that they're really in there for you This is what you really want to do get done go for it. But you're a dummy sitting there watching listen. I want that 330

I stopped when my daughter goes to karate at four but at 330 I don't give a fuck I want world news tonight. Just see what they got to say at 330 I can't even wait till 6 30. I gotta watch the 330 one. All right I see a bunch of people with red shirts jumping up and down right like what the fuck is this A bunch of fucking retard jumping up and down with red shirts. I thought they stood I thought they saw cancer Of the rubrics cube or something. They landed in fucking mars. Like I give a fuck. That's who the venus I don't give a fuck There's people in the homeless out there

There's people in the starving. I thought you cured the hiv I thought you cured hepatitis C a bunch of white people jumping up and down only white people give a fuck about mars Black people don't give a fuck about mars Those those nicaraguans that are getting fucking they don't give a shot with fucking you with tear gas Ask them to put them on jeopardy and ask them about mars They don't know nothing about mars. They don't want to know about mars and they don't care about mars Only fucking white people with purple shirts on a jumping up and down high fiving because the camera landed in mars Yeah, it took eight years. I give a fuck really. I noticed the astounding lack of diversity in that room

We could have fucking not one Puerto Rican in there. No all white not one Puerto Rican Now one black, you know what nasa stands for don't even make me tell you don't even make me tell you what nasa stands for They just spell it differently. They just changed the words around you're saying nasa take a look That's the specs and I don't even want to say it and a a that's fucking kk and fucking Big latin or some shit. Oh my god. Yeah Fuck out of here. You don't believe in these people. What the fuck is no, they're all full of shit I sit there and I fuck it. I don't like none of them. I've never liked none of them I'm like the fucking guy. I never trusted him. I'm like Tony Montana. Yeah. Yeah, I've never trusted those people

Never trusted they're all evil. They all get into it for a fucking is an underlying reason That's all all of them get into that nobody takes the pressure of the world for 225 thousand dollars a year You can make that selling cars. Yeah, why would you have to be you are the blame of everything You are the blame of everything everything that happens. They blame you for 225 thousand dollars That's why you want to be the most powerful man. Yeah, yeah Because you got secret service protection for the next time fucking years because you're fucking family No, because there's something on the back end of some and even these other people the the representatives the congress senators They all have an interest

Everything they do when they get that war chest they talk about oh that we got donations for our election then they They go to a union and they go we're going to make a contribution To the union just make sure all you guys vote for me And they put the the strong arm on all the union members to vote a certain way because they got paid off It's it's it's no different than the mob. It's mafia tactics It's extortion. It's bribery. It's all that shit But somehow

When they do it, it's legal and it's the american way and it's our democracy at work I went to the doctor the other day About a month ago and we're talking and he looks on my fucking prescription list You know, so what are you on right now these days? He looks at my prescription Oh, I gotta get you off that. I gotta put you on something else Okay, I get home I give my wife, you know, I gotta go to cvs. I picked the prescription out my wife goes What's this? I go to the doctor said not to take

Sardivand no more whatever the fuck for blood pressure to take this one She goes what happened? I don't fucking know. I don't know. He tells me what to do. I do it Well, my wife being white married that she she gets online and she investigates it It's just a whore pill. It's just this fucking pill that they put chalk in it And she did the research on it. Okay. How did that get through? How did that get through? It's election time You go to I don't know. I'd say the board is seven people vote

You go to four of them and say there's more money if that comes from if this gets right and passed The FDA passes it You know, that's why you see these prescriptions come out all at one shot Sardiva Never again. Now. There's one if you're fucking suck dick a lot You see that one you want to suck and fuck we got it for you. This will help you not get the hip You'll get the half of him. I saw that one with no spots. They show a bunch of guy like gay dudes Yeah, yeah, they show the transsexual dude. Yeah. Yeah, I take it every day

Take this one and take this one. How the fuck do you just not get passed? That's a 90 day scam And in two years you're watching late night tv. Did you take that pill to fucking suck like an animal? You too can call us right now call us in sewers. Are you suffering from all of a sudden if your balls fell off When I was a kid every pussy a8 tastes like talking pot Every full time you fingering a girl talking pot. It was on your hand. Like you thinking somebody You're talking pot. You figure a Catholic girl. Yeah, I'm talking pot. All of a sudden everybody's pussy is rotten from talking pot No, it's talking about it. Yeah

Have your ovaries fallen out? Yeah. Yeah, they blame it on time. That's the best pussy I ever ate. It kept it dry It kept the inside was like putting like a little fall on the chicken. It kept the inside I kept It kept the outside fresh But the inside had that whine to it fresh and moist. Yeah the inside had that fucking ying ying juicing it When you open up the little pink me came That's the talking pot. I keep the You know what and in the 70s you had that little head bush. Oh a lot. Yeah. Yeah calm the gyro

I'm like a little gyro. You got to calm the gyro Calm the gyro calm the gyro calm That was you Pull aside like a venus fly trap like from the 70s on the bush got smaller. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah 79 78 when julia serving in the a b.a. The big bush made a comeback I used to date a girl that had a bush that came out from the sides. Wow was the sexiest thing ever That's crazy. The hair came out from the sides and it was like long when it got wet

She could pet it like a little pet fucking monkey The condassians The condassians who we just pet in their pussy if this is 20 years ago They went through a few stages. They had the landing strip and the hitler mustache little thing and then and then when it went completely Wood floor that would like freaked some people out But then now I think the bushes make a little more of a comeback I like something because you gotta know where you are that bald fucking pussy makes you feel creepy It was you're looking around for a camera. We used to call it a fucking rattle

You know what the fuck we used to we used to play a game on the own a show called guess What's in your pants and we'd have a girl and she would rub the phone On her pussy and we'd have to guess if it was a landing strip a hitler mustache or she was fully shaved or anything And you could hear like if we go all right now go side to side you feel like And you knew it was like a landing strip because it was getting that that staticky sound just for a little split second Like morse code and then if it was completely bald, we called it. Uh, the jaune benet Really just So rank so offensive

But but the jaune benet was actually the loudest one Because it had nothing to pattern. I was just rubbing on skin. So uh, a lot of girls participated though They like that stuff. That was the old shock. Jockery of the old days. Now. It's not even but now Who are you gonna shock on radio? How you get you first of all get sued the me too movement will come after you And then the other thing is you pick up your phone. Go ahead watch videos you can see on there Who's shocking anyone on a microphone from a radio station anymore? I grew up in boston and I forgive me if i'm wrong, but I I remember having this bumper sticker as a kid

That said whip him out wednesday. Yeah, that was yeah, yeah Yeah, we did the whip him out wednesday. You put a sticker on your car and it was uh if a girl saw it And felt so inclined she would flash a tits at the guy with the wow sticker So they became they were everywhere because guys thought you know if there's a chance I could Be in traffic on the way home and see tits. Yeah, that's awesome So people were slapping these wow stickers all over the place and uh, you know, we got some shit from that from the state He's uh, the massachusetts state. He's like this is uh, obviously a very dangerous process We don't want people showing uh, it was you know, it's fucking boston

How many times do you guys get fined by the FCC? Uh, well, you the funny thing about cbs radio, uh, they never got fined What they would do is litigate with the FCC and pay a contribution So that way their record was clean the whole time and they said well, we've never paid an FCC fine But they would make contributions. So, uh, we had probably three or four of those But complaints Up the ass just every time we turn around somebody would be writing You and you just have to write a fucking letter

Could you imagine having the gumption to get a pen and paper find out who where the FCC is right? I was very offended my dear sir And stamp out to the mailbox Just insanity Letters melt to me at the commie store Letters like I went to your show the amount is never so offended. Could you believe it? And I would go wow, who the fuck would go home? Somebody whose wife is not sucking

Yeah, that's the only reason you would go home after a comedy show and write a letter Your wife's a kid dick you ain't fucking the comics up I don't because they're either extremely passionate about what they write you about or their fucking mental patients And that's something that's lost now in social media people now they get on twitter or facebook or whatever it is And they could just go you suck or what you did suck there and we talk about the old days like frank sinatra He could do a show Frank sinatra never opened the letter that said hey frank you suck By some anonymous guy because the guy would have to sit there and find out where was frank playing?

Well, who's his publicist? Who do I write to what do I do? How do I get to frank sinatra nowadays? People have too much access To just tell people they suck for no other fucking reason these people that have accomplished nothing in their own lives Now have access to people that have done pretty cool shit Just to tell them that you know their assholes. They suck their ugly this whatever the fuck it is I think people have a little too much access now to other people great to read when you post a video on youtube the comments The comments are ridiculous, right? It's great to read what people say to you and when people

And you look at it and at first The first year or two it does cut you it hurt a bit. It does cut you the first two or three years And then after that you have to think about their situation Right and think about your situation and look at it from a different logistic and go what I would never do that Who would do that right? You know what your chances are on me yelping? Like I'll make you a deal I won't yell but I won't read yelp ever I'll make my assumption on my fucking home. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I go into your place and it sucks I'm not gonna tell nobody unless somebody goes to tell me that I love

That they're gonna go eat your fucking dumpy place and I'm gonna tell them not to go there. Yeah. Yeah But nothing's gonna make me go online and report you and to the world You're gonna tell the world that you think that sucks. You know who the fuck are you fucked up? You fucked up. You made a bad choice There was something that was tremendous up the corner, but you chose that you knew it was good But you chose there because you wanted to be new and adventurous. Well here you fucking venture between my legs Okay, I've seen that happen tons of people that want to be new and adventurous that one down the corner Has been there for 80 years for a fucking reason. You know, it's you know, right?

I was telling you about before that. I love you to death. I've always respected you The fucking voices and the shit that you would do early on and all that But you have a show and I tell you that it's four to six and you're not gonna catch me in the city No, it's not gonna happen. I already did that But it's so weird how uh I just don't like straight like What was I gonna say keep the company and then you're watching me and shit I I know I like the idea of slowing down a bit

like Years ago first doing the ona show and first getting into radio I wanted to Balls out 110 miles an hour just whatever and you get to a point now where it's kind of like I want to enjoy myself a little more now I don't want to have to work as hard Uh In order to to play, you know

And and I think it's just goes it goes with going through your 50s I honestly think that like by the time you had 50 You're not an old guy. You're not ready to fucking cash it in. But you know what? As you go through your 50s, you kind of want to fucking chill a little more. I don't need as much Uh danger in my life or you know, uh, it was cool to kind of go out as a younger guy and and Not get into trouble but potentially get into trouble to skirt trouble a little bit with your buddies and everything That ain't me anymore. Like I I can't be bothered. I want to relax It's amazing the things

that Don't even bother asking Like there's a thousand things that that ship sailed right like you want to go to a rams game? No, no, no giants game not a million fucking Like I don't ever want to go to any of those games again. I'm not ever gonna pay $50 to your fucking parking It's miserable. I paid $15 to go see the nicks of benard king You know, I paid 15 50 for pink floyd the world and that's all coliseum in 1980. Yeah, you are 400 for a ticket now shame 400 for a ticket shame on you shame on you. Yeah

Shame on you. You know, there's so many things that I am over done Like you hit a certain age For me, I think it was like 44 45 like I've always been a little outside of the box I've never really believed in what most people believe in You know, I got away with murder for years. So that whole fear thing has been gone But something happens Once you realize that you don't have much time left. Oh, does that's the reality? Yeah, you wake up You're over the hump when you turn 50 and everybody comes to the room surprise. Oh my god

What does it feel like to be? You're like, it feels great and that night you're home by yourself and you're like i'm 50 you go There's no turning back now If it's a time to become religious It's today It's today. If there's a time to really do what I want to do. It's today. Yeah, you're over that hump I don't have two hours in the 405 to come meet you at a seafood place For lunch, you know, whatever you gotta tell me tell me on the fucking phone, right?

Call me and tell me i'm not driving two hours. This is two hours The I could be sick and listen to the eagles hotel, california. There you go smoking dope. That's constructing enjoying yourself Relaxing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you know It's so weird how you look at things and go No Yeah, no the knowledge the wisdom like you already know you just look at something and you already see it's like Watching everybody hates chris When he would look at something and he'd think about it assess it and you don't even have you don't even have like

I've been down on the street already twice. Yeah, that's just it You use all your experiences that you've had in your life and you can assess something very quickly now and go quickly No, I just see it coming a mile away. I brought that right back up. I've been through it I've seen it before and this is how it plays out. So no no Fuck that. Yeah. I'm not doing it. It's uh I love my daughter, you know, and I I see him when hollywood does the kids. Oh my god. Yeah, I've seen what living in this area Does the kids I see kids of successful people how they're raised how Everything is material, but there's really no love there that affect you that affect you, you know

I try to like I said I go on the road Every other week Twice and even then I take like I just canceled the week this morning I woke up this morning and said I'm not going See because you know, yeah, I'm done. I'm gonna stay here. I'm not gonna go back to lax till march. Enjoy yourself I'll fly to burbank till fucking march now. That's it. You know, it's uh hilarious too We're walking around kind of driving around the area hollywood west hollywood, especially hilarious and I'm like I haven't seen men

I don't see men out there. I see a bunch of these withery Guys that you know or hashtag me too and all that and I see gay dudes Like it where are there men? I see a lot of pickup trucks I'll see a lot of men that are usually synonymous with pickup trucks Maybe if there's hay in the back they're going to feed their horses or something But I'm looking we passed a bar on the way here. It was called flaming saddles I'm like boy if that isn't a gay bar. What a great name for a gay bar in hollywood. Yeah, of course There's a hollywood. I'm going you never get you can't mistake and go and go. Oh, shit. I I don't know what this was

Once you flaming saddles once you get to hollywood then It's debauchery. It's it's a sad situation. Yeah If you look at it from perspective, and I'm very happy. I never became one of those people Yeah, I want to come out here and I want to succeed in a way But not to do that at that cost at that cost You know having to go to premieres and Talk to people who you would not talk down a daily basis in any of your fucking lives Yeah, you know to dress a certain way to act a certain way to have that certain

You know vocabulary, you know you watching narcos. It's really funny. I watched a couple episodes When I first started she goes no matter how much money you spend you're never going to be one of that, right? And once you know that going in and make your life a lot easier here in that life What you're willing to do what you're not willing to do Anthony if you know, I like you But if it means me going to your stupid fucking movie And tell you it's good. That's what you really want, right, right? Won't you rather have one of your friends come up to you and say anthony that's the biggest piece of shit, right?

Sincere honesty, right? You're not going to get that here. No that goes And it goes from the parents. This is why I want to get my child out of here Because yeah, but I don't fall far from the tree I see the five o'clock class of karate and I see the girls a little old. Oh my god. I love your blouse Who loves your blouse? Who says I love your blouse? Oh my god, I love your shoes. Shut the fuck up Everybody I've hung out with war converse. That's it

I don't love your shoes. They got the same fucking ones. All right, they come in the white or black That's it. Not get them a navy blue with a dash of yellow. Get the fuck out of here It's amazing what has happened. Yeah, and we've witnessed it Especially everything like I said to you every time I go back to new york, it takes three like I My limit is three days decompress. Yeah It settles in Yep, you know to think that jacob javits was this

Disgust New york was just look at the old videos of new york. I I love watching those and I love that Yeah, I still remember living on 88th street And like every once in a while a rat would get like insomnia That would come out of the daytime. I felt bad for that rat. We would chase it down the street We would hit it with rocks run over it with a bicycle and then at the end light them on five Oh, no, we did everything for that fucking rat. We beat him. He'd be half mortified. We hit him with sticks rocks We'd run over them with a bicycle a thousand times until we heard a crunch

And then we let them on fire to make sure he shouldn't have come out. He was shouldn't have come out Yeah, you drive on those streets now. There's no kids in those streets. No, that's just it I don't know where they went when I went to new york. This last time we took the long route home one night. I was like Wow, my neighborhood looks like and in my neighborhood they got cameras Oh, yeah, everywhere everywhere my neighborhood in jersey If me you meet up on the corner within six minutes A cop will be on that corner. That's what we're doing. Yeah. Yeah Like that's the they there's cameras in Manhattan. You walk around Manhattan. You're not

You're never off camera. You are constantly On a camera somewhere and then with the stuff that most people don't know about The facial recognition scanners your plate scanners when you drive into new york city Your plate is automatically red and everything's run There's a record of everywhere you've been everything you do and I love how uh Like early on remember easy pass when that first came out everybody's like, oh, this is fucking awesome I don't have to wait on that long line pitch the change in and you're like, oh, it's convenient I like that and then you read the first story about a guy getting a divorce

And they used easy pass records to see where he was going. It was girlfriend's house and whatnot. You're like, oh Oh, so they could use this so they present you something as a convenience Like it'll always whatever fucks you over is presented as a convenience like Alexa that thing you're talking about You put it in your house and it's not a magical you all the answers aren't in there when you talk it goes somewhere And then it comes from somewhere else and then it talks So everything you say is on record somewhere to be used after it's subpoenaed for a case or a criminal Your phone itself exactly a little hole right there. They're watching you. They're watching you and it sounds paranoid You are but they're watching you. I can't be paranoid. I haven't looked out a window in years. You understand me?

I can't be paranoid. I know through all this. But it's always presented as a convenience and that's what fucks you Listen when you go on a plane till this day, I think those mirrors are two way Oh, you think I wouldn't why not you have an investment in that plane What if somebody's in there strapping a bomb onto that? That's true. And yeah, yeah, you're in the fast Vegas, I know for a fact one of the girls I graduated high school and went to vegas for a honeymoon in 85 In 92 they went to the polka notes like everybody does from jersey For the anniversary they put the portal on and it was them fucking on there

Oh, Jesus on their wedding night in vegas. They sued the fucking Whatever for three million dollars or something like that. You don't know. I don't trust nobody I heard you do coke in the bathroom in vegas and I don't had a casino They got shanty. Yeah. Yeah by the time you hit the fucking jack slot. They're coming up to you batting it down You have to assume Yeah, yeah, you have to assume in today's world all that shit You're being watched everything and you're off in front of the computer and you got a finger up your ass Somebody's watching you go. I was whacking off to you with a finger. He's looking at you. Yeah, look at this poor bastard

We've got him now What about that new facebook camera that follows you around the room? And all those commercials. Yeah, they oh great It shows them like oh we can the fall we can walk you watch you as you're cooking And this is a good thing like they present it like a good thing. It's like no, I don't think so Yeah, I don't think it's fucking good business. I don't touch nothing. Yeah. Yeah, mind your business I'm very happy what I got. I don't need to fucking touch another thing on facebook another button That thing I don't want to talk to like every day. Somebody wants to be my friend on message

Listen, you got a better chance of getting raped by 10 fucking 10 fucking being my friend on message I don't want to talk to nobody if you don't have my number go fuck yourself Yeah, I see a number come up. I don't pick it up. No, I don't pick it up. I see a number come up I don't pick I don't know nothing It better be a name and it better be a pretty important name. Yeah, yeah My phone could ring for I text messages. I gave up like if you text me It don't have a hundred dollar bill attached to it. I don't get it

I don't get it. So it better have a yardstick pop out So how do people get in touch with you better call me con sucker smoke and a name better come up worse code Whatever the fuck you got What do you got going on brother? You gotta show now you do the show every day I do it monday through thursday Because I was like I want a three-day weekend And i'm the boss so fucking I gave myself a three-day weekend permanently

And who's your co-host uh, dave landow. He's a young comic out of detroit Uh, and just a funny fucking guy and he just He knows the show. He knows how to be a good co-host. He's fucking just a really funny guy Where's michael buschetti? We have mike on every so often send him my love. He's fantastic. I used to do comedy with mike Back in 93. Oh my god the new york comedy club. They used to have a joke. I work at the bakery. I'm in charge of the read I'm in charge of the tards That was one of his jokes. I love them after that. That's a lit. He's a funny guy, man

Fucking hell yeah. Yeah, and he intimidated me back then when he said that joke. I'm like, that's a great I work in a bakery They put me in charge of the tards That's hilarious. Yeah, he's a good shit, man. Uh, yeah, we're just having having a good time. It's it's all about Freedom of speech, which you know, I'm a 100 percent absolutist with freedom of speech. I see. I'm a communist I love it. I fucking love it. I think if some if someone's offended by something Either don't listen to it or you know, do you want to debate it or you want to discuss it? Whatever but to silence people in this day and age is one of the most dangerous things you could do

I don't care how repugnant you find People's speech what they're talking about because hate speech in and of itself is this vague term where if you talk to Do different people they'll think it's two different things So I am for 100 open whatever anyone wants to say and then discuss it So it's not just silencing people or calling people something and then ruining their credibility Everyone gets an opportunity to to speak openly and honestly and there's not many places you could do that anymore and things like this Uh, personally doing your own digital broadcast It gives an opportunity for people to just say whatever the fuck they want, which is I think gold at this point

I can't find that anywhere keep the cop and the beautiful girl over there That's so stoned. She had to use her as a nail. Oh my god. She did a hit and she needed an inhaler right after Look at my eyes. I'm a lot of things. Keep the cop Keep the cop. I'm a lot of things. I burglarized. I kidnapped. I sold drugs. I did drugs One thing I can tell you I am not not by a hair in my body Because I'll break it down for you right now. He's a racist I'll make fun of arabians Of course, and I had called the attorney black you love before but I will break down periods in my life

Where every nationality has helped me and I've never forgotten. Yep. That's just a sense of humor. I have and in today's world They will fucking court justice you and hang you For saying something to be little I could never be racist I'm spanish. I love the word speck I think it's one of the funniest words I've ever heard in my life When I first came from cuban, they called me a speck What is that?

That's hilarious You know, I would laugh my ass off when I heard all those fucking sayings growing up, you know potatoes or You know grease balls. Yeah. Yeah, you laugh, you know now It's it's something and nobody really gets offended No, I don't really like my last pressure. I said this, you know, who's never got who you know Who's never raised their hands the poop Polish people They made books about these people And not one pollock has ever come on tv and said never again, right right we're suing

Because if you go to any fucking book chain, they got a hundred books We never made a submarine with a screen tour. Yeah, you bastards. Yeah all those jokes Why wasn't the pope why wasn't Jesus Polish because they couldn't find three wise men, you know All those fucking jokes, you know, all those jokes and not one fucking pollock has ever raised his hand and said No, you know, half of our generation is born retarded because of what you people have done to us You're fucking mocked. That's not one. Yeah. Yeah, it's amazing People don't understand the humor in it like like under the context of humor and jokes Whether it's stand-up or broadcasting whatever it is. There's a context to

Something being funny and being racial or sexual or something And people want to take that and lump it in with as if a politician was giving a speech and and came out What's up comedy is a different animal and and if you're doing racial humor, it doesn't mean you're a racist It's just the way it is we find Shit hilarious. I've done some of the most repugnant jokes and bits and segments with jim norton. It's hilarious We sat there talking about you know, lacy peterson and scott peterson And he murdered his pregnant wife and dumped her body in the ocean You can't you couldn't fathom that there's something funny to come out of that

But we were playing a tribute song that some idiot wrote about her and her baby on the on a show And me and jimmy were laughing so hard at this and making up our own words That was so heinous and repugnant and we were crying laughing now Of course you look at the situation and think there's nothing funny that could come out of that But in the proper context I'm sorry. There is you can make jokes about things and race is the same thing Sexuality is the same thing. It doesn't mean you're advocating beating someone up when you make a joke about

You know the 50s a husband, you know, dinner's cold. So she's got two black eyes there's just a part of our humor That thinks Unbelievably heinous stuff can be funny and to think we can weed that out because we're so amazing now in 2018 is bullshit funny's funny The reason why i'm look here with you guys is because i didn't kill myself as a kid. I found my mother dead I was 16 years old

And i'm gonna tell you something right fucking now That would I cracked the first joke with the first two minutes of picking up her arm Jesus like I cracked the joke to myself I alleviated the pain by 25 minutes by cracking that joke that's what you got left back in the seventh grade And for three years i didn't tell my mother I Forged my report cards. I would walk a different way every day

Eventually I would have had to sit my mother down one day and tell her Ma I got left back in the seventh grade. She was already starting to ask me. What colleges are you looking at? Oh my god, you still had a year to so I still had a year. I was a sophomore. She thought I was a junior So I had a year to tell her you put it up. That's brilliant. I went downstairs I found her picked up on her arm. It was purple. I called the cops I said 9-1-1 my mother's non-responsive. What's her name is? I hung up and I remember looking at her going I knew she'd never find out I got left back And I still remember that moment. Yeah. Yeah, there was no comedy in mind. I did not have a dream of being a comic

That's how I relieve that moment right there. I was talking to a friend of mine drives a cab And we drove past the chinese restaurant. We would dine and dash out of this chinese restaurant. It's called the mykai We would dine and dash out of this motherfucker once a month We had the one bartender. We were just giving him fives. Let him scurrari chop them There was a chinese bartender you gave him a five and you go come in and he bent his neck over and you go No, no, no, this is his racist For a friend great, he would let you karate chop And I don't forget one night me and my three gorilla buddies were there me richie van and check this guy bob bant and deedy kentaro

They call me Man, I'm just thinking about the karate chopper five. We had to be 17 And and they knew we walked in there late They knew that the zone defense played against us. They knew we were gonna eat and run out of there And I'll never because the kid said to me that day He picked me he's a cab driver now deedy kentaro And they had him pick me up and take me down to the cemetery to bring flowers to my mother since we were Friends as a kid. He knows the road the whole thing

But we were talking about the time we ran out of the mykai And how we hit the front door and the door was closed And we turned around all the chinese were there and deedy had to check with his hand He threw it up and he goes where's the dishes? It was just like instantly like there was no pause. Oh, that's great. It was nothing. It was a way to alleviate Detention right right. Yeah, sometimes something happens And you write a joke And it's not it's gonna work for you on stage. It's gonna kill for you

But it's also a period joke. It's only gonna work for a certain period. You put it up on tour. It's a great fucking joke And you'll get three people, you know And then I like I tell I tell everybody a month or two ago Didn't November rain was the number one video that hit a billion Views on youtube. Well, take a look at it. They got a billion views but 11 1.1 million people hate it Who are those 1.1 million fucking jerks off? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah So we live in this weird contrast right now. I don't know how I got on this subject

But it doesn't yeah, yeah But they're all they're also, uh, one or two people can have an incredibly, um, influential Uh voice in in your career in your life like oh outrage people were outraged. So no a person was outraged and they wrote Uh emails and texts to other people who never would have heard The original thing that this guy was outraged about and now they Are helping this one person with their outrage to tell people to get this guy fired or suspended or whatever it is And that to me is fucking despicable. And listen, megan kelly. He just got fired. Yeah, they're gonna give a 30 mil

That bitch is gonna have the baddest podcast studio you've ever seen in your life air conditioning for your pussy Yeah funnel for your asshole If I was megan kelly, I'd build a 10 million dollar podcast facility and have everything their blue face White face green face yellow face. I'd have black place playing the drum Who gives a fuck you just gave a 65 right? Is that how you punish her? Really by giving her 30 million poor girl poor fucking girl. Yeah, yeah And she'd listen whatever she said obviously she stumbled her words or whatever whatever the fuck happens You know, we just cannot be that's why it wasn't really

I have a daughter You know, I was raised by a single mom and I love women, you know But you know what man? If on the way out tonight, I grab your ass Say something to me Don't tell me 30 years from I'm married and I have a kid But I grabbed your ass one night in front of fucking the Anthony You know, how he's there you grabbed my ass and I've had suicidal thoughts. It's really you're still living. You're still sucking

Yeah, yeah, you're gonna come to me and tell me, you know, I'm saying because it wasn't the problem At the time but it wasn't it's so fucked up. I that cannot happen because that means all of us When you when Richie the cop was a cop, I'm sure when he was a rookie one night Richie the cop some fucking Puerto Rican spin it Richie Or tried to stab Richie and Richie told the other cop. Hey stop the spic You know I'm saying, you know grab the spic. He's gonna stab me Doesn't mean he hates spics Of course, but he said grab the spic, you know, whatever it was a spec, you know, it was he was under fire

You know spick shooting, whatever it's the box mucho mucho bungalow pills APB out on a you cannot I cannot come out right now when Richie's gonna become mayor After he's retired from the queen's police department And just come out and go, you know what when me and Richie were fucking in 1982, right? We made an arrest and Richie said the word speck Really can't do it. What makes you think you could come on and say that against Richie. Yeah, yeah You have I hope you have an iPhone

You know, I hope you have it on tape because he's gonna look bad. Yeah on top of that Even if Richie said that guess what? Richie's wife is Puerto Rican So even if he felt that way when he was in 1982 In 1989 he did a fucking two-to-lutes and a quailude and one that he had some Puerto Rican suckers dick And he dumped that irish chick with the dirty feet He told the irish broad take a hike That's it. This Puerto Rican polished my helmet for 12 hours straight

But people not all she wants is the grandmother to move it All I have to do is move the grandmother. They all just look at it like, uh, it might as well have happened yesterday I want this person punished because he did this 20 years ago And you know who's in charge of this whole thing that little fucking half a fact that Ronan fucking Farrell Oh, yeah, yeah, you know, when you see the picture of uh, What's the matter? What's his father's name? Oh fucking a Woody Allen Woody Allen kimchi. Yeah with the fucking sitting there It's the most disgusting thing you'll ever see in your life But god forbid so nobody said none for 30 fucking years

And that Ronan Farrell grew up in that fucking disgust that he grew up in and it really is A disgusting fucking situation. Yeah, if any if it was anybody else, they would have thrown him under the fucking jail Now people are getting mad when I was too late. He's 100 Who gives the fuck now? He's had a fucking chick suck his dick since he was 12 He imported a little chinese chick to suck his dick and they all I'm the bad one. They put me in jail for kidnapping People are rich in a cop They all want uh Movie a role in his next movie. So no one says shit about him all those award shows

Why didn't they get up there and go and I want to point out Woody Allen's now. They're all full of shit I love you, brother. I'm happy. I love you man. Thanks so much. You brought Richard a cop with you It's fucking awesome. I'm left with America with you. I'm left with my ass off here. It's a great time It's great nice vibe that studio is great. You guys are hilariously funny, man. I love it. We don't fuck around Anything you want to promote anything that's going on just uh compoundmedia.com. That's my uh My little network that I got going on compound 20 If you go to compoundmedia.com and put in compound 20 you get 20% off keep make sure I say that Uh, and the book is available at barns and noble

Uh amazon.com compoundmedia.com. It's a permanently suspended Is the name of the book. Um, that's about it really excited to be out raising this the last 20 years all unbelievable Insane shit that we've done in the past. Yeah 20 or so years. Well, listen, man. I'm happy you found the time Thank you, man. Keep the cop the schedule special 11 o'clock We will you out in new york, man. We'll do it early. Hell yeah. Thank you very much for coming on taking the time I love you, brother. Cole. I love you, man. Thanks the fucking heroes the fucking radios awesome We all gotta stick together and duke it out, you know

Fuck yeah. Thank you very much. Thanks, man. All right, and don't forget. I want to thank anthony kumia Keep the cop and the beautiful blondes are coming on the show today. Don't forget. It's important. It's sold out La Jolla is sold out I got December 12th at the temp temblor Brewing company. That's right up there in beautiful bakersfield and then December 27th through the 30th I'm at the ox not improv. That's all I got the rest of the year. All right. That's it and that's that What are you gonna say? I was gonna say it's levity live, but levity live whatever the fuck it is There's only one club up there and fucking ox not find it

Go to levitylive.com right now and get the tickets. All right. What do you bother me for? The show is brought to you by 23 and me from now to december 23rd 23 and me dna kits are on sale 23 and me will help you understand what your dna can tell you about you and your family's story It's named for the 23 pairs of chromosomes that make up your dna 23 and me health and their ancestry service Includes 90 plus personalized genetic reports that offers dna insights on what make you unique

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I'll see the rest of you savages up in portland thursday night tip top magoo Felicia michaels with me. We're gonna fucking burn that town down get ready to smoke some fucking reefer Lee kick this fucking meal I want to be around To pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart I Sun somebody twice as smart as I A somebody who

Will swear to be true as you used to do with me Who'll leave you to learn that misery loves company? Wait and see I mean I want to be around To see how he does it when he breaks your heart two bits Let's see if the puzzle fits so far And that's when I'll discover that revenge is sweet As I sit there applauding

From a front row seat When somebody breaks your heart like you Like you profile