Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #639 - Russell Peters

Episode Date: November 29, 2018

Russell Peters, stand up comedian and actor seen in the movie, "Chef," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio.  This podcast is brought to you by: Quip - Go to getquip.com/joey and try their dentist designed electric toothbrush. When you go to getquip.com/joey you get your first refill pack FREE with a quip electric tooth brush.   Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/muffler for 15% off of your portable bidet order.   Recorded live on 11/27/2018.


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Thursday morning Russell Peters the Christ killer Uncle Joey Taking it with Chris Cornell listen to this one here. Oh, yeah You fucking kidding me, Russell Peters, just like suicide fucking tremendous I Have said it on this show

First of all, it's Russell Peters. It's an honor to have you on the show. Thank you very much. Thank you, Joey Because I've been wanting to be on this damn show. Yeah, I just want to hook up with you When I first bought house of the holy, mm-hmm at the age of 12 or 13 When I first tried marijuana and dabbled with it, I would put How's it a holy on mm-hmm, and I will listen to Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, is it's that one another one then it's no quarter. Yeah, it's the ocean. Yeah, I would skip over no quarter Too trippy. It was too much for uncle Joey at the age of 13. It was the devil music

I didn't start listening to no quarter. I was like 18. Yeah, that's when I was when I started really feeling it It was too strippy for me and I asked the reality by black Sabbath. Yeah bought it brought it home Little too much for me number of the beast scared me when I got scared this shit out of me I was raised Catholic and I was like, uh Nice to get goosebumps from Vincent Price's voice. Let me ask you a question because it's interesting. You said you're raised Catholic So I know you a couple years. I don't know nothing about you. You know, I know your name is Russell Peters I look at you. I know you're not Mexican. I know you're fucking something Indian. I don't know what it is So boom you think you're Indian

And then today I just said, you know what I don't know be the answer around the guy and Shake him down. Let me just look him up. And also when I find that you're from Toronto, you know, I didn't know I thought you If I do you're some some fucking country I had no fucking idea and something your family is white somewhere, right? So Anglo angle Indian and you're something out. What country are you from from India? Both my parents is the funny thing Like I thought Peters was short for Mike out. No, I thought that you said fucking I'm gonna change it to a Hollywood. No, no, no You said you went to you went to a Peters

But no, no, that's not the case of you but later on you did do a movie meet the potatoes No, something you got a credit for it some TV shows think some some movie I probably they probably put my name on it. I don't know if I'm in it. Oh, yeah, no, it's crazy But so you know what? Yeah, I think I am in that one. So this whole time. I'm thinking your name is Rosselli Masaluni Fluckin whatever that name is but tell Patel and today I find out this whole different thing that I had illusions about you You know Russell Dominic Peters. Jesus Christ and you were raised Catholic raised Catholic. You still go to church. No, I'm atheist now Now you're an atheist. You don't know when I say raised Catholic Church

And you know follow important ones communion confirmation Confession and then you're like you read the book and you go, okay, that's how old were you when you said that said I'm done I think when I was a kid and I wouldn't was being church and I would look at everything in the church I'm like, it doesn't make any sense. It's really morbid for a kid to look at this See, I thought couple years ago I went to church and I saw a young couple with a child and the child was unsettled and I said, you know what? This is bullshit because that was me. Why are you here? My mom used to force feed me on church. Oh, yeah

Why was I here? My mom was a? Whatever fanatic Like if you were dead, she would do something for you So after my father died she would drop in there like like we'd be in the city and she'd go Let's go see the priest and we drop in and she'd give the priest like a 50 in a bottle of scotch Yeah, and the priest would come up with a phony casket and put a ribbon over it They do like a quick fucking mass and I believe that my father was in that casket. It was the creepiest fucking. Oh, yeah It's very morbid sitting sitting now from a different angle and looking at it that whole thing, but I gotta tell you man. I

still believe Yeah, no, I don't fuck the pedophilia fuck all that other stuff and what happened because when there's good sometimes it's bad I Still believe there's something I talked about this is Duncan the other day I believe there's something there's a karma force. There's a boom go with that good karma something There's something out there that makes you a couple You know just makes you think about things. I might have a theory that I think that Whoever loved you when they were alive when they die The love can't be broken. So wherever or whatever they're doing. However, they're

Their spirit is there their energy is moving on or whatever it's doing it stays connected to you So are you spiritual on a certain level? Yeah, see that I am the other certain spiritual Ever since I was a kid. I always knew my father was dead But he was always close to me. Yeah, cuz he loved you as creepy as it sounds and on Mondays On the Cuban tradition. I put our glasses of water. I have a I have a An altar for anybody who was my friend that died. I have a picture of them I put water a lot of candle. I pray every Monday for them. It's just something. It's called an ancestor altar Mm-hmm, because I believe the same thing. I believe they watch over you. I don't know why I was as creepy and as crazy

It was you know work if it works for you, then I say work. Yeah, if it works for you, then fuck it Yeah, so you grew up in Toronto grew up in Toronto born in my favorite fucking cities used they love you there Bollywood there. What was the name of the club up there? Oh yuck yucks. No, there was another club comedy would Comedy would know I that was I was a yuck yuck sky comedy would started way late. I started in 89 Jishin. Yeah, yeah Boris Boris the magician Boris tremendous Yeah, we weren't allowed to play there if you played yuck yucks run allowed to play Yeah, it's a different like I You have to like sign like someone had a very low level signs with yuck yucks, right and they can't do any other club

Yeah, I don't know if it's like an actual signature because I never signed anything But it's just understood they they they'd sell to you like look if you work a burger Can you don't finish your shift and go work at McDonald's after? I mean, I was like that's how many clubs is yuck yuck sad back in the day They were the largest chain of comedy clubs in the world All through Canada all through Canada. They had them in like Rochester, New York and Buffalo They had them all on the all the border cities. They had them too, but That's subsequently gone

Well, you can't control that many comedy clubs. Yeah, no, especially if you're not paying people properly No, I started in the late 80s. So, you know, it was like you started comedy in the late 80s 89 I started 89 really. Yeah So how did I bump into you somewhere? I was just there. I was around. Where were you? You started in New York? I started in Denver 91. Okay, went to New York in 93 for about a tenth month stint That's it. I went back to Colorado said fuck this shit. Hmm back to Colorado developed to 95 went to Seattle Met Yoshi Josh Wolf Brody Stevens

Brody was out in Seattle back in 95 and then there was what's his name? The black comic from there was tie Barnett He came later. There was Darrell Lennox, yeah, Darrell Lennox was there because he would always be up in Canada Darrell Lennox Yes, Darrell Lennox was a Canadian dude. He was guy. He was American, but he would always end up in Canada. Yes He's the only American I know who got Deported from Canada for staying in Canada too long Like I'm like, are you in this business? You're in the wrong country. You're hanging out in the wrong country, bro

It's crazy how I used to get into Canada even in the early days Like I've only been to Canada three times all of them for comedy all of them. I got snuck in illegally Really before 9-11 You haven't been back since no, not even Montreal. Oh, no, no, they never wanted me Montreal at all Oh, they're gonna want you one time. No, they now they want me, but I can't go. There's no way. What do you got? There's no I got everything. I got herpes. I gotta read I got everything I got a fucked up tow. You were gonna the train in New York. There's always that homeless guys got everything Oh, yeah, I got herpes. I got hepatitis C. I'm deaf in one ear. I got shot in the leg

You just give me a call and he smells like piss. Oh, he smells terrible. No In the old days, I used to have a friend in Miami. That was a fucking door guy He had a Puerto Rican girlfriend. I got along with him and uh, and one day we were talking about Canada And she just told me right now if you want to go to Canada or get you into Canada So I got a call from Roger Paul. Mm-hmm. And he goes that club wants you to go up there Remember Russia Club want you to go up there for two weeks at the comedy wood. Uh-huh. It paid shit Oh, yeah

On top of bar one week and you stayed in his brother's basement the other and his brother drove hookers at night He wake you up in the middle of the night. I got a hooker who just got shot She wants to know you want to have price on the blow job. You know I'm saying that's got an extra hole Yeah But you know what Toronto was a beautiful fucking city. It's weird how they were way advanced In 97 98 they already had delivery service for weed My member I remember when the the chronic tour came to Toronto in like 2099 and I used to sell weed back then and

I went and hooked up Warren G with some weed that night You a DJ. No, I was no I was still DJ. I was doing comedy. I was DJing But I was I used to sell a little weed to make some money on the side So he wanted weed and I was like, I got you I took him to the weed spot Yeah, at that time had a girl that came up to me at the comedy called the first night She gave me a number And she goes if you got one we they think it's dirty. It's 35 dollars. I could be wrong But I went and did that the smoke the weed room the little one right and Toronto and I'm blanking on the name

But the woman who owns it puff mama told me that was her Probably At the comedy at the comedy club or something comedy would maybe comedy would was up at young and steals Yes Yeah, young and I used to walk over the Blanc Street Blur and that was the best Second best trip Was the first best the one in Jersey the one that you could stick a bottle in the chicks

Oh, I see you go to you if you go just outside the city in Toronto, you go to strip join anything goes Are you serious anything goes cuz that Blur Street everything went what we used to do is I when I first started getting money And I was living here and I would go home every now and then I had a fucking big fucking pocket full of money I was young at a hard dick and no fucking dependence So we would go to the landing strip right by the airport and I would get all my friends And we would get the VIP room which is about size of this place with two couches in it And it'd be like eight of us and we get 16 chicks in there And I would call it Vajanga because it was just pussy everywhere in every angle

You know, she's sucking off your friend over there your finger in a while. She's sucking off your friend My friend my friend's making out this one chick and squeezing it tits and I'm fingering her from the back and and he goes So what's your name? She goes Marisa and he goes get the fuck off me. That was his mom's name Oh My god fucking strip clubs. What a disgusting. I know now I call them wants to toots. It's it's It's like I got out of them early Like I got him my boxing coach took me to a strip club for the first time in like 87 the night of the Hagler-Herns fight Hack no Hagler Leonard fight

86 was that 86 87 Yeah, my boxing coach took me and I was I looked I looked like a child in Toronto Yeah, just outside of Toronto. How old were you? I was 16 No ID no no ID nothing walked in yeah walked in I sat down and we're gonna watch the Hagler Leonard fight And he paid the ten bucks cover to get us in because it was on close circuit TV back then and And I was just I'd never seen naked women before in my life. I Just sat there fucking like completely amazed. They're spreading wide open. I was like this is incredible And then the they never got the fight

So people start throwing bottles and writing in the place But I didn't even notice cuz I was just staring at the sick on stage There's bottles flying over my head. I don't hear nothing my coach sneaks out He he leaves to go to another bar to go watch the fight. I turn around. There's barely anybody left in the club I walk out and they give me ten dollars on the way out there get nobody the money back So I got the ten dollars and I walked back in the club from the front I looked at some more pussy and I got another ten dollars on the way out Then I remember I just jogged home and I remember being so happy and I remember when I jerked off that night

I could have fucking stuck out my ceiling. It was You walk home fast. Oh, yeah, I jogged like it was nothing It was about a three four mile jog, but I didn't feel nothing. It gets hot at that age Oh, yeah, see it and yeah, just get me. I remember one time. I had this In fact, my mother was still alive So I had to be around 15 14 and I had one of those bagged jacks that you know the sperm don't come out Right. Like you got so like something happened like a chick showed you a tit blue balls It's like there's something because my balls swell up. Oh, I never had that. I didn't know who to ask

So I woke my mother up at like six in the morning when she was on home. It's like, what do you want? I'm like, wow, look at my nuts. There's something wrong. I mean, she's like, what is wrong with you? Do you ask her in Spanish? Huh? You ask her in Spanish? Oh, yeah Yeah, I'll never forget. She was asleep with that. Can you just say it in Spanish the way you asked her me Mike? I don't get it because it was dark in the room. I don't know. Well, I keep Can look ahead to And she got up and she looked at it all weird. She goes, huh, no say anything. Well, I don't have a medical And whatever you said doctor to me, whatever element I had went away. Yeah

You just busted a knot right all you gotta say to me is doctor and the element goes away magically It's fucking crazy. I don't I don't like going to the doctor. You're like my daughter with medicine even at this age I don't like going daughter will not I go. He's a great guy. I love him to death When I bring an iPod because if they're gonna draw blood, I gotta bring an iPod I Get mobile blood draws at my house. I went there one today. They go to your house. Yeah, they come to my house and do it And what do you lay on your bed? No, I just sit at the dining table give my arm They take it and what do they do with the blood they take it they ship it back to where they got to ship it to and oh

You do that like a physical at the house. Yeah, why do they I do these like every three months of mobile blood They come and take blood check. I need to do that. Just to make sure I'm all right So you do the checks. You don't do it for the other reason. No, no, it's different. See I do it for the fucking changing of the oil Yeah, well, I'm gonna change the oil and make new blood. That's where the party starts Oh, yeah, go sit in an overthrow bed You got a fucking pine taking out and you go sit in an overthrow bed Let's get some Chinese gotta throw a couple needles in you. Hmm. You get some new blood cells That's why women don't die a heart attacks because they bleed every month

We're the only assholes that die a heart attack because we don't bleed it out But if we change that blood every six or seven months, you'd be tip-top my good. That's why Keith Richards is still alive Yeah, all those blood transfusions a lot of needles in it Fucking needles a lot, but you gotta be willing to do that should take a pint out every 60 days Good. What do they replace it with new blood? No, your body forces you you go to morning You're gonna stay get through crawling mashed potatoes. Get the chocolate cake. Yeah, I'll see you on Wednesday Just go home and let the fucking body recover. I'm gonna do that. Get up and you start from scratch I'm gonna do that

That's how they only take little fucking vials. They only took four of these You feel it nah, you feel like fainting at all. No, I'm not sensitive. They put it in the pump They got that they just did they stick it in just start shooting out. Oh, Jesus Christ Just they find the vein they go after after Portland. I gotta start going down there like December is my Kill your insurance money month That's when the doctors are packed in December because everybody's trying to use their insurance money, right? So tomorrow I'll call tomorrow make an appointment for fucking Bob Hope dope and Go down and get my blood taken. He wants to give me a tetanus shot. That's killing me

But what would you hurt yourself? No, but you gotta take what he said when you're 50 Because if not you might get one nice. I read one of the latest tweets He said he got a tetanus shot three weeks ago and his arm still hurts that doesn't help my cause. Yeah, no You're almost 56. Yeah, that means I'll go to your six years late. I don't know It's miss you do the prostate at 50. Yeah, I did it twice already Second time for fun. You got to do it. Yeah, I got two years. I'm waiting. Yeah, no, no do it now 48 I'm not rushing in there. It takes five minutes. You come up. They knock you out, right? They knock you out. Yes, they do. They do and they're gonna need to knock you. He's getting in my ass

Oh the camera. I thought you meant just the finger on the ass me. I kept thinking when I said we're knocking me out I'm like, how they gonna flip me over This is gonna be tremendous. They got these three little Chinese kids exactly where to pull Fucking the dog. They send you back page by page of shot by shot of the camera going into the asshole You see it start from an inch away They say they stick a camera in there now. Yeah, it's no more finger. It's not the thing is the finger You should be getting the finger now. How old are you? 48? Yeah, you should be getting the finger once a year now They stopped doing it for a reason something happened. There's some sexual act of 1956

But it's been working. It's a fucking caveman stick that finger up my ass doc One time they stuck seeing you with blood needles. That doesn't mean with anything around my ass. Oh, dog You think I enjoy it? You think I enjoy the fucking manhood. I'm come from you have to Doctor tells you to cradle up in a ball and it feels your balls next, you know You feel something go up your ass you leave you you leave there you go You cancel the rest of the day Just cancel the appointment I had X girlfriend

We did a colonic once and yeah, we got out of there. We were fucking quite a shit in the car Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, I don't believe in nothing. No that shit that that too But my it took me a lot but I had a friend who was fine in April And she was dead in November. Yesh Do you understand me because she wouldn't go She was 50 something or something overweight You got to go especially with this lifestyle today fucking your buddy called me Eric He's a gay friend of mine. Oh, yeah, he goes on bees and go hobbies

That'll do worse damage to you than a 12 inch blank dick That Arby's horseradish. That's like black sperm from the 70s That and pray dates you that fucks. Yes, long dong silver. Yeah, you ain't what that muscle ain't adjusted Obbies will fuck your ass all over here. You're gay. You're gang raped by the Warriors You're fucking done you eat at Arby's They don't even know what they do anymore when I was a kid. It was roast beef and that wasn't good Now they got Cuban sandwiches and ham sandwiches. You don't want to go to fucking Arby's I don't think I've ever ever craved Arby's in my life. Never had no idea. You're so against Arby's dog

I'm against all that shit firehouse John fucking even Jersey. I'm done I like Jersey Mike's Jersey Mike's is tolerable. But for me, I gotta get and Jimmy John's you like Jimmy John's I'll go to Jimmy John's I don't have Jimmy John's where I go. I go, you know, which one I like that fucking one at the airport in Chicago Those ones they have on some places. They have them at the Addison improv across the street I was just there the one across the street to have my Chicago's a sub shop. Yeah, they make like you put like peppers in it and they have my airports and they Run them through an oven and they have milkshakes quiz. No, it's not quiz. No, I think quiz

Which which? No, one day I got to an airport. I was starving. I Was fucking high as fuck and I knew I don't trust those fucking that plain food Mm-hmm, and they had one of those places. I go Tommy you're making regular sandwiches now like yeah Make your regular sandwich. I was like Done and let me get a vanilla shake the boot They made me a vanilla shake at six in the fucking morning. Oh, I think I've had this place too Yes, you have because I had the shake one day in the morning. I'll go. Yeah. Yeah, exactly what was I was I hadn't slept

The main airport in Chicago. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's right. It's in the fucking corner of like six. Yes Yeah, I know the one you walk out there. It's right down the corner. You really got a line They I owe they got a tuna fish with pepper Chinese But you don't want to eat tuna before you go on the plane. You can't take that type of chance That's not gonna pop by his chicken. You can't take that type of chance. Yeah, you got a six-hour flight Yeah, so might ride on the fucking plane tuna makes you fart Well, you don't know what if it's bad to and you got a plane you're sick from the fucking tuna Then it turns into the movie airplane. Yeah, who had the fish? No

You start coughing up eggs in that position Even in first class, it's not the bathrooms aren't better. It's not even if it's the first you don't want to be in that position Okay, why would you put yourself in that position? That's like eating fucking sushi from Ralph's before you go to the plane That's like eating sushi from Ralph's anytime anytime. You know I'm saying you go to Ralph's you see sushi It's like when I go to Toronto my friends go you want to go for sushi go There's no ocean around us. Where the fuck is this fish coming from in Toronto? I'm gonna go eat sushi. No, there's no And you know what and you want me to tell what the sad thing is it's probably really really good fish

They're gonna flown in every day. I don't know No, can a candidate likes to take a little shortcuts on that stuff really bad the price is too much You'll keep it for one more day. Yeah, how's the sushi in Toronto? I don't know. I won't I don't want to find out Really, I hear good things, but we live here or I can get good sushi Okay, I'm not gonna go there and what do you eat when you're growing you're growing up and see yeah in Toronto What the fuck were you eating? I would eat a lot of Jamaican food, which is just like Cuban food a lot of rice and beans No, I'll sit up tail Love ox tail rice and bees

And the fucking jerk chicken all that shit Every goat I don't like goat. Yeah, that seems like a weird one. No, they make curry goat and I don't like it I don't like curry period you son of a bitch. It's no fucking bad now. You got to get the good stuff You're gonna make good stuff. Yeah, you don't like Indian food at all. I don't like even walking in there What about butter chicken? No, I don't want to walk in there What if I brought you like the fucking best shit? I throw it away. I was like just taste it Joey I throw it away. I swear to God. I hate all that fucking Thai food No, no, I hate all that shit coconut milk in my food. I

Hate all that I don't mind coconut milk in my Don't like Carrie. I want the smell of it. What's the other one because it's like a 10 during curries No, no, there's curry is curry. It just depends on what meat you put in it when I was and there's all kinds of different stuff when I was a roof and estimated what is Russian there was these Irish guys Scottish guys and that's all they fucking ate was No, yeah, cuz that's all chicken vendor Lou. Oh, that's shit spicy Chicken vendor Lou they would talk about it and I would smell it in their clothes And I would go you're with that fucking vendor Lou place again. Why don't you little cock suckers?

Don't come by my house. I was I used to get mad make them over and that when I was a kid growing up Like when I was a teenager I would have to do the dash like if my mom was cooking I'd have to make sure my bedroom door was closed because I didn't want to get in my clothes I was gonna go to a club. I don't want to be the fucking Indian guy That's my like Indian food So I was like real paranoid about it. So I would I would time it so that I would get in the shower Run straight out get dressed and run the fuck out of the house. I couldn't smell Oh, I can't I can't do it. There's a lot of foods. I don't eat

There's a lot of foods. I don't eat though. Really you're very very finicky very finicky and you never think it You're like, what's your favorite Cuban food? I Got a lot of different Cuban Dishes, but I'm real picky on the Cuban food Real picky on the Cuban you like your fried platanos. Yeah, I love that shit. I like I like And the rice and beans. It's really weird. I've gotten this thing that like different things from different places Like when I was growing up if you wanted to move from the tempani sound, I got a spot Don't go in there and all the fucking chicken whatever, you know, I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah, like this one makes this one good

Down to a science when I was growing up in New York where a good Cuban sandwich at night Who had a good Cuban sandwich at three in the morning? Yeah, I had all that slants down. I don't live there no more here Nobody's got good food as fucking 10. No, it's got it's closed. There's nobody's got food Yeah, nobody's got a good food at 10 and no, you know, you're starving after 11 a nla. You're eating a mouse done Yeah, you know how many times I've gotten a Morton's and I've talked to that guy why don't you stay open to one and You keep the fucking bar man, you go into a fucking one, you know how much I would you know how many times I'm hungry at 11 I'm not in the mood for a fucking 16 and steak

But I'll eat three little pieces of tenderloin with a piece of bruschetta bread At a bar and have a drink with four guys after you do a podcast. I Would do that all day long and then go with Cliffs whenever I go visit my funny things to this place. It's like a piano bar It's like, you know, it's a real heavy-duty state joint But I live in the clock Russell. You go in there and get a shrimp cocktail You get like carnita tacos. They call it something they charge $18. I don't give a fuck I don't give a fuck. I just want to be able to eat and watch TV and I get really hungry at night And that's why I like to talk shit and eat

You ever do that like talk shit neat, but now you can't do it like you go to Casa Vega at all Casa Vegas down the block from yeah, yeah, yeah on sunset there. No, no, no adventure every once in a while They got a dark in there. I that's my beef with my beef in there is that you don't know I think I'm gonna fucking I think I'm gonna fucking Looks like an old mob movie in there. Yeah, I think I'm in one of those I think I'm a man on fire and and he's gonna come out from my thing and shoot me in the fucking head then so watch You can't even look at the menu in there. It's fucking dark in here. I didn't got close for a health violation I don't mean to throw it under the no, no, no, I mean my my assistant goes there religiously

So I said hey they closer for a rodent infestation Is that what it was and he goes now they had like a little mice bar like like whatever. I don't care Listen, let me explain something to you When I go into a place and you got to be we can't do business and I'll tell you why Because you got to be a retard to fail that test You got to be a retard to fail that test. It's not like a fucking they don't walk in they tell you They call you and they tell you we're coming down in six weeks You got six fucking weeks get together thing and you still fail

Sometimes you got to read between the lines because sometimes you fail for stupid shit Yeah, like the temperature of the water wasn't hot enough or there's always something fracture there But when you're in I can't I can't deal with that. They tell you they're gonna come How can you not have an A rating see? I don't know my parents are from a third world country So when I'd go to India as a kid, I would eat on the street. It didn't bother me Well, you got a stomach of a Billy go away. We're friends. I do But I did get sick when I was there last time. Oh fuck. Yeah, you're gonna But I wish we were shooting a TV show and we were shooting in the slums and the biggest slum in the world

And it was like fucking I mean you see rats this big just running through the trit's a piles of trash everywhere Just people living amongst piles of trash like big fucking piles What a Russell Peters decide to eat from the street. So what happened they at nighttime when it gets dark all these vendors show up And they turn on their deep fry like they have hot oil and and everything smells fantastic and I'm like fuck smells so good I'm like it's being cooked right in front of me. It's hot. I mean how fucking dangerous can this be? Well, I found out Joey How the fuck I'm I had the trots for two weeks. What did you I was eating whatever the guy was cooking right beside me. Oh It tastes a good going in well, it helped me lose weight going out

When I was a kid I had a bunch of friends that right from high school. They got a high place called on chemical What we call on chemical hmm chemical, you know, you want it in you breathe whatever In those days nobody had a mask on right and they paid you good money, but the clink it was And if you signed up to travel that was the thing But the first stop they took you to the test your willingness was India really and all of them quit Yeah, I can get you and they all came back with horror stories and these are Jersey boys that were tough The one and I still remember the one guy's story that he moved in he went to work And when he came home when he pulled up his car, he couldn't count how many rats

Were in front of his house Like they were just scattering You got to pick the right place to live he said he went up to the Chemical put him in there. Oh, then they fucked he said he went upstairs He got his luggage and he went to the airport. He didn't make the fucking day. I guess still remember that story I don't like none of that stuff you could get some of that out there You want me to tell you something bro? I want to shoot a movie in Jamaica, right and between you and me I made them fire me on purpose. Yeah, because I couldn't eat that food at the hotel

Did they not have you at a five-star? It just it was I just could not eat the food at the hotel The chickens on the mom was driving to the hotel. You see the chickens on the street on the street That's why I don't need meat in India. Listen to me dog. I don't like I can't go internationally But between you and I there's reasons because I would drive people crazy. I don't like a lot of stuff I Watched that one fag on TV the one gay guy that fucking Ball sperm and all that dude

Ball they fucking they catch a fish out of the ocean eats the eyeball Andrew Zimmer that guy you better pay him every dollar he fucking deserves the bald guy, right? Because yeah, I wouldn't eat after shitty yeah, no, I'm not I'm not I'm not playing the fucking guessing game Oh, he fucking eats everything. I Cannot when I was a kid. What's that bird? Guinea? Guinea chicken a guinea fowl guinea fowl Used to they use them for Santa Maria things Yeah, yeah, right at the rear rituals and then afterward you cook it needed I wouldn't even touch that type of chicken like that brown skin chicken. I don't like a whale either my mother would go nuts

I don't like quail. I don't like pigeon. No, I don't like fucking. I don't like fucking to Duncan I don't need duck. I don't like nothing. I like chicken beef lobster Pork fuck with some pork. I'll fuck this important. I won't look at the cook I gotta make sure I'm look at the cook. We have some cooks at the same evening and In Addison, Texas one time I worked hyenas in the other they used to be too hyenas. This was the dirty hyenas Not Fort Worth, but the other one and there was a guy outside bigger than Ralphie May 600 pounds That's sold pork chops for a dollar one lunder bread. His hands were filthy. Let me tell you something I ate like six pork chops

And I went home and should I got three more I could there was that good with the ball in them and you put them on a piece of bread you put Frank's hot sauce on it You have no idea that grilled that been cleaned in years Yeah, that's what I say the dirty of the joint the better the food Yeah, the dirty of the joint the rather fucking food sometimes. It's more marinated. Yeah Well, that's what I was gonna say about B. I don't go in for like a chain The only thing I'll do is some Asian food like Chinese food like that's what I learned when I moved out here That some Chinese food is okay. Where'd you move from Boston? Hmm. Listen, if there's a bad restaurant

This guy will pay no I Get a stand every dumpling is a vast rest. If there's a bad restaurant He will pick up just on purpose Just on purpose. What kind of bad restaurants you like? I don't he told me that when I go to Korea time to get dumplings that all of its cat Yeah, I don't fuck with that shit. Oh, thank you Thank you, but there's Koreans in there. I don't give a fuck. Well, what they are I don't give a fuck stomach is doing listen like I told you last night when we're doing it

Whatever his fucking name was when I go to Chan's Dragon, and I know there's mice Meat and somebody's cat. I know I might beat some of these dog, but I go in there with the understanding You go in there thinking like they're all my Anthony Bordain ain't there that don't mean nothing Somebody's cat is fucking missing in fucking Silver Lake and you're eating a fucking thing You don't even if you take the shell off that dumpling you will not know what's in that meat. It's mystery. It is gray It's like eating a hot dog. It's gray meat. It's like eating a wonton. You're taking your chances Where you eat them from? Ah, that's the story You know

Maybe maybe I just trust people too much, but I can't think someone's gonna put cat. There was everything in there There's a thing called filler Lee Filler everything about filler whether you fucking do coke or fucking whatever. There's filler They gotta dope the fucking dish up Where do you go for Indian food then where should I go if I like Indian food Indian food I can't I haven't found the right place out here There used to be a place right down the road in in a in Studio City called the great India cafe And then they changed the name. I don't know if the food's still the same, but they changed the name

It's right next door to a porn shop on Ventura before lemonade in Studio City before before you get the Jerry's Okay Same side Cross the street. What do you get? You get the chicken tikka masala. Okay, first you get a chicken biryani I don't know the other side of chicken tikka masala Then when your biryani comes you take the chicken tikka masala gravy and you pour it all over your biryani You'd like biryani. It's just fried rice basically. It's just rice with chicken baked into it

It's pretty damn good Well, you put that fucking gravy on it. You're taking it to another level. Okay, I Love it. I think Joey might like that. No Just just just a fucking look on his face was the best. You have no fucking idea You have no idea. I have one day a guy wanted to meet with me like a fucking script, dude And they called me they kept telling me they were gonna meet at one place Not the last man. I got a tax assessment. I had a tax pager

And I pulled over they told me that they were meeting at that place around the corner from toy No Toy, I'll go into what's toy toy. I'll go in there and get the pad thai shrimp. I Don't like the pad thai shrimp. It's on sunset. It's open till 4 We got to take your shoes off right there. I don't like that either right thing. I think they'll take your shoes off Yeah, I think those filthy white people know nothing Hollywood I'm not gonna eat fucking Thai food and then smell bad feet at the same time So what what happened with that page what page you got the page from them saying they changed the restaurant

They changed the restaurant to a fucking curry restaurant. I Told them I wasn't going they could not understand that I would not step foot in there. I can't smell that stuff It drives me crazy. Yeah, yeah, Ethiopian food all that shit Now I went for Ethiopian food recently. I didn't know no no no no even the Jamaican stuff cuz I love Jamaican food No, the jerk chicken. That should have made my ass whole bleed Like none of that shit Love that shit. Oxtail is my favorite. I like Oxtail how my mom made it when my mom died mom make it as stew like a brown stew. No, she made it like

She chopped it. Yeah, it was like in a stew and it's really tender You got like a chick she she made it real tender and you had Frank's hot sauce and no matter how old I was She let me drink a little bit of loam bra with it She'd make white rice with red beans with the fucking oxtail and I'd pour the hot Frank's hot and suck the little tails Well, yes, it was fucking brilliant. Yeah, I could taste it in my mouth My girlfriend just made it for me recently and she made it incredibly. She Jamaican. Nope Honduran. Oh, yeah, yeah there. I started Rome motherfuckers. She made it. She never she never made it before in her life I just told us what I like and she figured out the recipe and really

And she made the rice and beans perfect really and that Jamaican my Jamaican friends from Toronto at my house at the time They were like, yo, you sure she's not fucking Jamaican. This shit is incredible That's good to get on the first try. Oh my god. She bought the big ax tails like you can fucking big chunks of meat She didn't buy the little bullshit ones. You know you get the little bullshit oxtails. She bought the big fuckers What's up, Peter? You don't fuck around Dave. No, it's no fucking around here, Joey. I I read your I read your inspirational quotes every fucking morning It's time to wake up and grab life by the balls and kick it in the cock you cocks You got to get them going. That's why I tell myself every morning. So why not spread the fucking

Reading I go, you know what he's right. You know, it's fucked up. What you feel like in the morning You know, like with the stages of your life what you felt like in the morning When you were a kid you hate it waking up for a while No, I still hate it then you get up because you had to watch cartoons at a certain time Mm-hmm, then you you know the summer will come and then you have you were forced to get a job Like I remember one of my first fucking jobs was getting up at three in the morning When I was around eight, maybe seven to go get flowers in New York City

My stepfather had a side business shop and we would get up at four maybe four thirty In the summers four three times a week That was brutal. I had to deliver newspapers on the weekends Saturday and Sunday edition in my neighborhood And I'd have to wake up fucking like five in the morning because you'd have to put them together Yes, yeah, because they would send you the inserts earlier in the week So you get the entertainment section and the tv guide And then they would deliver the fucking the front page and everything

That that morning then you'd have to get up Put it all together and then deliver it so people could have it for their morning breakfast I was 11 12 around then and you ate again not fucking hated what time do you get up now? As late as possible Fuck yeah, if I can get up around Shit if I can get out of bed two o'clock, I'd be very happy with that But I'm up around noon now What time do you go to bed?

I tried to go to bed early, but I always fuck it up somehow Sometimes I'm trying to jerk off and I can't I'm not going to sleep till I get that nut If I can four thirty the one I'm dozing off still trying to get at it You watch tv at night? No, not even a computer. I go on the computer. I watch uh Watch a lot of uh science shit on the computer you have Insomnia by no no no I can fall asleep. I just

Something stupid inside me goes no no hold on just gonna miss something stay awake for a second And then I wake myself back up and the minute I wake myself back up or say I'll fall asleep nice quick and easy perfectly I'll have the laptop open then I'll just open my eyes to close the laptop and that's it. I'm awake again Now when you do your world tours you get up at 12 also and I'm on tour I would do I wake up as late as but if it's showday. I won't leave my hotel room I'll wake up around 3 34 o'clock And then I'll be all right. I'm fresh for the show. I'm good And what time do you go to bed the night before?

Yeah, three two three, you know, when is your next tour start? I'm still on tour. I just got the month off So I get back out on the road in january and what is this tour take you how far deep is the fucking creators of the world We're gonna we'll start back in america January february And then late february we head out to the middle east and india and then may So late february march april i'll be in middle east and india

And then in may i'll do africa In july i'll june and july i'll do some more american dates and i think we'd pack it in That's it taping my new special in march. We're at in mumbai india No, shit never been done. So i'm gonna do it Fucking tremendous rossel pay this they got to what's never been done I want to be the first guy to walk on that moon Good for you, man. Yeah, what is mumbai india like? I love it. It's one of my favorite cities new york's my favorite and mumbai is my second What is it like? What does it have? What's the appeal of it? I don't know. It's just alive, you know

It stinks sometimes like what? It depends on what time of year it is could smell like fuck as there's an ocean right there and sometimes the fishermen have just pulled in a Big hall and it's so hot and humid that the fucking city smells like content asshole, but I love it drugs No, not really It's not it's not a detail alcohol strip clubs. What's that? Everything is there if you want it Food is incredible there. What kind of food it's indian food, you know

But everything's good there. I mean, but beef is now illegal They've made beef illegal in mumbai So you can't order beef in a restaurant can't get it. It's gotta be like come here. Yeah, basically it's like beef dealers What do you want? You want to go? I got it You want one ounce too? What's the population of mumbai india mumbai's population is about Can you figure this one out and it's how big comparison? Well india's population is 1.3 billion right. That's what i'm saying and and mumbai's one of the biggest cities If not the biggest city you've done comedy there before yeah

And it's just been tremendous. It's been always amazing for me. I always managed to get in trouble when i'm there Like for my mouth I say something, you know, they ask me about something and I just tell them as I see it or hear it And then I used to people who are like in the spotlight being honest and real so it kind of throws them off guard Do you speak indian? No I understand I understand Most of it. I would say I understand about 60 percent I think I understand more spanish How big is comedy in india now? It's now very huge. Yeah, it's now. It's very big

When I first started going over there it didn't exist. I was the one And then youtube that I think it's 22 million. That's it. That's what it's saying. Yeah But that's in one city. Yeah, just in mumbai. Yeah, what's next to it? Another place, I don't know Somewhere else and this moon by theater or no, it's uh, I end up having to do Yeah, there's an indoor arena. I did an indoor stadium and then I did an outdoor one once the outdoor one was a trip though because we had to have Fans blowing at me the whole time because uh of the insects Because the lights attract all the insects and you would look and the fuck it would just be

The lights would be covered with insects just swarming at the light And then I would need the fans on me to blow them away from me so that they wouldn't fucking get in my mouth while I'm doing My show. I'm sure the fans in the dustfield type thing. Yeah, big fucking fans And I felt like Beyonce on stage my fucking clothes are blown away and But it's necessary when they were setting up that gig it was funny a wild boar Right through the fucking while they were setting up that they're chasing this wild boar through this field That is crazy I love how the fuck you do it else when they do the field it makes you nervous because there's fucking snakes out there

There's cobras. There's pythons. There's all kinds of crazy shit You don't want that crawling up on you while you're fucking doing it. Somebody's sitting out there enjoying the show and Bam, you know That is crazy You thought these you thought the fucking show at ocean side was hard. Yeah, the little Samoans throw a knife at you and shit like this A wild boar a wild boar running through we have a picture but somewhere I should send it to you one day when I find it And when you go and where else do you go in Africa?

Africa we're doing uh, South Africa, Kenya Uh, I think we might do Tanzania We're gonna be doing Nigeria Possibly Ghana and you've done all these before no, I've only done South Africa and Kenya before I did Djibouti years ago with the USO Jesus Christ Gotta get out there, man. It's a big world we live in Joe

And if you weren't so goddamn finicky, I'd take you with me. I'm scared I'm a scared shitless It's crazy how finicky I am In these hotels, I'm telling you in these other countries like in these so-called third world countries They're fucking five-star hotels are better than anything you've ever seen here Food spotless tidy everything service service incredible incredible. Yeah We don't know nothing about customer satisfaction. No, no, these It's different phone call. We passed the block yet. I had a butler in one of my suites in in Mumbai

Because I had a suite so they gave me a butler and I wouldn't see him I would be like look and I go the fuck did he go and I would just be like my crew and I would be sitting there go You want to go eat lunch? And they're like, yeah, let's go eat lunch and then uh And then before I could even say his name, he'd just pop out of nowhere. Like shall I make a reservation and you're like, yeah What the fuck were you? Pretty wild like in deep mr. Deeds. Remember mr. Deeds. I would just show up out of nowhere. Wasn't it John Titoro? Yeah, it was John Titoro That's fucking crazy do all those great cities. How long is the flight? Um

Um, probably about 20 hours He'd break it up You go I usually go LA to Dubai Dubai, however, I need to go to because I fly with Emirates You fly Emirates first class. It's gonna change your life. No shit. They have a shower and shower in first class The bathroom's about the fucking size of this room in first class for yourself for yourself You're going to the bathroom. I get buck ass naked the floor is heated Fuck it. You can stretch out. You know what I mean? It's fantastic. Jesus Christ

How long is the flight to Dubai? Flight from here to Dubai is about what maybe 14 hours That's nothing And you you actually don't want the flight to be any shorter because you'd be like uh, uh, this is fantastic You got a bed you got a door on your suite. They give you pajamas Order whatever you want whenever you want They give you the menu. Go. Let's let us know whatever you want whenever you want. We'll make it for you And the food's fantastic

And you fly right into Dubai flying to Dubai. You go into the lounge. You take another shower if you want And then in Dubai you connect to india and all those other places Amazing. You just you live your own fucking life, Russell. It's fantastic. You know, I have on tour with me in Canada just now was Jason Collings He was killing it. You know, Jason. Yes. Yes hilarious So you just finished the canadian tour just finished can and how long was the canadian tour three weeks How many nights a week? It was every other night and then on the last week was like five in a row bam bam bam bam bam Jesus christ

And you're fucking tight by that time. Oh, yeah, you're good. But there was something I had by the second last show I Skipped a whole chunk out of my act because I wasn't sure if I'd done it or not That's what happens when you do two shows in one night. Not even but it was like back-to-back shows. So it was like, oh shit It was the next night But I was like and then I look at my my DJs on stage I looked at him and they looked at me like you forgot something. I was like, okay, good All right, then I I'm just put it at the end and you're on stage with a DJ also Yeah, I got my two DJs on stage two DJs. Yeah, one plays instrumentals the other one plays acapellas and they mix together live

They don't practice. They just do it The jam they just jam up there And then you go up there and do your thing. Yeah for how long hour and a half. I do hour 20 Jason goes up to 20. I do an hour 20 hour and a half sometimes And you're on the road constantly you don't go back home. No, I just came home Wednesday and I'm leaving again thursday What we do what we do Joe crazy that's what we do See how long you've been doing comedy about a year. Oh, it's what you will do. Yeah I've been doing it 27 years. Yeah

At fucking nine years ago seven years ago I was just gonna quit There comes that point at all every time we're just gonna do local comedy Act and go on the road to rogan That was my plan. That was it I didn't want to go to the funny bones. They want to do nothing that shit I didn't want to do all the rogan states But I didn't mind doing a couple of them. Some of them are fun. My first introduction to you was the longest yard

Really? Yeah And I was like wow and I I thought it was Vincent pastore Yeah, everybody did. I was like, hey fucking big pussies in this And then I say joey Diaz. Wait a minute. That's joey Diaz because I had heard your name I hear Coco Diaz and I was picturing a little guy. You hear Coco. You think I'm a little guy? No, no, no, no I was Coco because of the color of my skin. I was so white when I was a kid Right compared to the rest of my family. So this is I was white like the inside of a coconut So the name stuck and the rest is fucking history. My ex-girlfriend's father was cuban

She's cuban to Salvadorian, but she always only identified with the cuban side and his name growing up was uh The fuck was his name because he had blue eyes and uh blonde hair Yeah, they call you Rubio. Yeah, they call him Rubio Yeah, Rubio. Where were they from? Miami? No, from from here from the valley. The valley. Yeah You're a fucking animal of a guy, dog And all this started out. When did the sensation start? Started in 2004 I did a special in 2003 that aired in 2004

So 2000 from february 2004 Uh, uh, how long were you doing comedy at that point 15 years 15 years? Yeah So I uh I do this show at the paul university in february of 2004 11 people come they pay me 700 bucks and i'm thinking fuck It's a lot of money. I feel bad, you know, but I did the show. I did did a good show They enjoyed it and then the special aired like that night in canada and somebody recorded it

And started file-sharing it Like i'm bear share or lime wire, you know and that kind of shit and all the file-sharing um rooms and started getting cut up into Bits of like, uh, here's him doing jamaicans. Here's him doing indians. Here's him doing chinese. Here's him doing this And then it would just get chopped up and sent to the people who I'd be talking about So then you cut to

November of 2004 I go back to chicago and I sell out three nights at some theater and I made like 40 grand and i'm like What the fuck just happened? I was just here like nine months ago and I couldn't sell a fucking I couldn't give a ticket away And I knew something was happening And then in 2000 june of 2005 youtube starts and then my shit ends up on youtube and it was over from there And I still to this day don't know who did it. I don't know who put it on there Ain't that trippy and they tell you here's the part that you can appreciate my dad died

March 2004 And right after my dad died is when all the file sharing started And I mean and so it's like some like I said the people that love you I think they could pull a string or two on the other side, you know, I mean like You know, they see you coming and they just cut none of them to this way go this way You know, they don't do much. They just kind of just push you a little bit. So you end up going in the right direction But from youtube to sell them out the h2o in toronto The uh, whatever the fuck it is. It was the air canada center then the scocia bank arena right

Like how does that fucking happen? I sold out seven times now. I'll show you the uh I'll show you the uh picture. You'll like this You don't follow me on instagram joe. I don't know nothing about nothing. You don't make dog Yes, this was uh two weeks ago And That's how many people that's one fifteen thousand Fifteen so this last time you did how many shows did you do with this one? Just one

The first two times I did uh, they are canada center. I did it two nights in a row twice And then uh, I scaled back down to one One and then another one now. So I just do what's every time every time you're at the county store today in the main room And there's 450 people in there and you've just done 15 000 that's saturday night What are you feeling in your head? What are you feeling? This time I was very relaxed All the other times I was nervous. I was

In my head, you know, I don't want to this that I was very relaxed this time I was always questioning my material before this can be good enough. Is that gonna be good enough for now? I'm like very confident with it. It's like I know I've got a good product and I know you're gonna like it. So Fuck it. Let's just do this Are you one of those guys that right stays home for six months? No I get on stage and just spit until I like it. And then once you have an hour, then you take it out. Yeah, okay I'll go do a club run when I'm trying to write I'll go do like fucking three three weekends six six six or eight shows a weekend

With nothing and then by the end of the thing I've got about 25 30 minutes And what clubs do you go to whatever I'll go to play I go to places where it doesn't like where I don't usually go So I'm out of my comfort zone I'm like, you know, you got to be uncomfortable You need to be uncomfortable to make yourself comfortable No, I believe in all that. Yeah, I believe in all that stuff You know, I'll go to like not not they're not bad rooms, but anyways, I'll go to charlie. Good nights and start writing there, you know I go to like places where

They don't really give a shit if you're there You're not gonna really sell out these places, you know, I mean Really you have a hard time. No, I mean I sell them out, but like it's not guaranteed That's crazy, man, I don't want the easy I don't like the easy road. It's not then you don't learn anything that way What do you mean by the easy road? I mean going where you know, you're gonna kill What are you gonna learn? It's like training with the guys, you know, you can beat. What's the point?

You're not getting better. You're just Just doing what you know. I mean, you gotta you gotta challenge yourself all the time When I first got here I was very lucky that the first month I became a regular at the store But like everybody else you have to do spots everywhere else. Yeah You have to go to the empire you have to go laugh actually have to go to To the mexican bar in silver lake You gotta go to the mexican place and by king taco up to five. Oh, yeah, but then you find where you specialize it

So you did the comedy works in denver then back then, right? I started the comedy works in denver Yeah, that's the downtown club first love that club first time I got on stage that the comedy works in denver And then I pursued it and then I got banned for life from the comedy works And that's what made me leave colorado. Now they're not banned anymore. No, no, I'm not banned But it was funny because I bumped into her And we spoke from the heart like I hadn't spoken to her since the banning. She was the manager She wendy was the owner at the time and I didn't get banned. I got banned because of it

It wasn't lee going to you and going joey grabbed my ass, right? It was You going to me and going hey, I saw joe rogan grabbing lee's ass the other day Then when they called the girl the girl because I don't know if he grabbed my ass or not You know, we were all drinking the manager pushed it and they said, you know what let's just Uh, ban him. That was the easy thing. It was the best neck that could have happened to me in retrospect Oh, yeah, where I was at that point. I was two weeks away from getting arrested Yeah, in retrospect if you really look at it. I was six months away for going to jail for 10 years I was about to do something stupid. I didn't know what it could have been anything

It could have been driving with cocaine in the car. It could have been me stabbing my ex wipes Boyfriend he could have been in the range of things And she came to me and said you're banned from me And I had two options. I had the two other clubs Which no disrespect to total garbage at the time, right? You're working with shit And then there was another club in colorado springs that wasn't burning down the house either So I said at least let me go to a market where there's a good club for me It was the comedy underground in seattle at the time

Ah, that was a good that was a great club A lot of people Mitch was there, right? Mitch was there a lot of people stan hope was there a lot of people were up there That's a great place and they used to book it out of san francisco So san francisco had a great comedy pool. Oh, yeah, so you were featuring for great people when you were up there You know, so did you work with jake johansson back then? I have not worked with jake, you know, I took jake on tour with me on this tour as well. No, you did not sure did I took him To australia. I took him to asia. I took him to one of the best writers in Europe He's amazing one of the best comics in the game, you know

What a lot of comedians don't understand that at one time, you know, it'd be very relevant Yeah, and then there's gonna come a time when you're not relevant anymore. Oh, yeah, it's not because you're not funny Yeah, it's just because the tides aren't with you anymore. Yeah, there's nothing you could do You're always gonna have your 50 To 100 per show diehard fans, right? But that Mania that was once One day is no longer gonna be there Most guys quit most guys have nervous breakdowns

I I talked to jake via phone one day. In fact, we spoke about him coming on the podcast Oh, yeah, he wants to do it. He's training jujitsu now, too. Is he really training with hanato? I did an aftermarket. No, is he really I was down there a couple weeks ago. You know, I got him into it He was asking me about it. And I said, yeah, you gotta you should just do it You're gonna love it. Jake's a great comedy writer. Let me tell you something. I learned a lot He's phenomenal from watching that guy You watch that guy and it's like a knife Cutting through butter. That's the way to describe his comedy. Yeah, it's like a hot knife

Cutting does he still have the record for letterman appearances? He probably does he does He I used to tape him You too. I used to tape him. I used to watch him. I was a fan I was like, fuck I would watch him live at the comedy works. I think I paid to watch him Yeah, rogan always says he paid to see sam. I think I paid to see uh Jake joneson when I was still an open miker. I paid to see eddie murphy in 86 and chris rock and in 2000 and uh Carlin I you know paid. I paid to see some people now. You were tight with carlin. No, you met I I met him twice in my life

Where did you bump into a man first time was in toronto in 1992 when the blue jays had won the world series Were you doing comedy there? I was doing comedy. I was three years in and where'd you bump into? Everybody was partying up and down the street man young street in toronto I was 22. I was like a punk ass kid and I'm walking up and down the street Everybody's having a great time and I see this old guy with a ponytail walking towards me and I'm being a smart ass Look at my friend and go. Holy shit. This guy looks like George carlin And he walks past me. How you doing George? I'm just being a dick. How you doing George? And he goes, how you doing kid? And I was like, holy shit. And I ran after him. It was really him

I walked him back to his hotel. I gushed over. I'm like, oh man If you want Indian food, my mom will cook for you Anything fucking anything And I said he gave me his autograph. He gave me some advice and then he said I said, hey, maybe one day We'll work together because hey, you never know kid this crazy fucking business And then I worked with him 10 months before he died Where a comedy magic club I got the host he was getting set He was getting his new set together for hpo

Did you remind them? I told I told the whole story when I introduced him I got all glassy eyed and chit quivered and it's horrible. It's horrible people like that do that type of shit It's oh, yeah, I was fucking so emotional And I cried when he died You have to yeah, you have to it's not a lot of people but you know, some people get you They do they really do Like I'm being a kid when I can't wait. I can never imagine a world without Charles Bronson Like when Charles Bronson died I fucking cried like like two minutes

Like it was no big fucking deal like I shed a tear like when I watch Rocky and he wins at the end Yeah, I shed a tear, you know just because you get emotional you get I got sucked into that the pool Today I took the kid to the pool over at the pool. I thought about something And my wife looked at me. She caught me wiping my eyes. She was what is it now? You know that as we get older we get more fucking sentiment. No, I've always been one of those dude Really? I I I try to fight it. I hate when it happens like You know like a fight like when a fight happened when I'm watching boxing like remember when Bernard Hopkins won became the oldest Person to win a title

I think it was like 40s 45 or 46 when he won like a light everybody title. He beat Tito something No, he beat Tito's before that but He and I remember crying when he won I was like, I don't even know Bernard. I don't know I'm crying I just was overwhelmed for him. I was like, what a great moment in life, you know It's weird what makes me cry It ain't it ain't it's the weirdest thing. Yeah, it's not things I was supposed to make you cry It's like happy moments make you cry like seeing somebody win makes me cry like I but it's not sad It's like I'm happy for them. I get overcome with emotion

The worst is when you think you're going To cry a lot and you don't And then you start doubting your love or whatever. Have you ever had that situation? Not even 10 days ago one of my all-time favorite cats died Who his name is dibby. I had a cat. Oh a cat actual cat I thought you wanted to catch a girl with and for 14 years He was just a smart

Devious little douchebag of a cat like he was just a fucking skull of cats too. I love this motherfucker at all my heart And I got home from new york And as I was hauling the luggage I looked at him on the couch and I knew Because the whole time his brother had been sick his brother's got cancer But his brother's been gaining weight. We got him back on steroids The brother's as tough as nails like I kept saying, you know, wow I hate for it to be the seat because if Harry goes

That their litter mates. Mm-hmm. He's gonna lose his mind The whole time I'm thinking about harry. I get back from new york and tell my wife There's something wrong with dimmy. He's getting fucking fat And my wife touched him and he me out And we knew something wasn't right the next day he had Once they start hiding, you know, it's not good. So we took him to the event on tuesday and they said He was really in bad shape. Well lucky we brought him when we did he was having problems breathing and that day

I got on my hands and knees on him on the floor You know, his back was to me. He was he was so proud and he wanted to die in peace That he went in the cage headfirst Like he didn't want nobody to see him in that shape. The cats didn't want to be around them He finally came on his own And I kept talking to him And he came closer to me And I started talking to him talking to him talking to him

Just saying how good of a cat you were you were my friend How many nights like i'm home and I smoked pot with you And then we played that stupid game and at one point He wasn't moving like he was just staring onto the abyss And he was breathing heavy So he was puffing and I said something to him bro and he turned his head towards me Like that like for me to kiss his head. I kissed him. I cried a little bit. I got up and I said goodbye And my wife put him in the cage. She cried all the way to the car

And that was hitting I cried a little bit later and two days later. I was like, I didn't cry enough And I'm like that's bullshit when you see people cry real fast as bullshit because nobody you're in shock Yeah, you don't even realize it's always dead three months. That's when it really hits you Yeah, when my mother died it didn't hit me for five years four years How old were you when that happened 16? Oh damn and I went off the rails At 21 Or I mean it was two different worlds The realization that you're not going to see anybody again. You know today. I went to call you and I

When I popped up Ralphie, I still have a phone number in my phone. Yeah, same You know, you don't you as a human being they're dead, but they're still alive in your heart Yeah, Ralphie would stay at my house in Malibu when he would come back. Yeah. Yeah, and I still have his number in here It's like It hasn't even hit me in my world. He's probably on the road. Yeah when Ralphie when I somebody told me about Ralphie I called him. I don't know the fuck. I was I was just hoping he would answer, you know Well, we always do that. Yeah, I was like, please come on answer the phone. Please

Every time I hear somebody dying. I call them. Please answer the phone. I think I called them too I let me know this isn't real as soon as he called me. I call him a patrice. I was like, please answer the phone patrice Call me a fucking asshole or something. You know what I mean? Tell me I'm not funny do something that you do Yeah, like that's I don't think your mind Like I saw the The video and I hate bringing this up because it's really bad But the video

Of the black kid that got shot in Mississippi the mistake. Mm-hmm the guy that was a soldier Put them all The one who stopped the shooter and then got shot when they at the press conference It's always the fat black lady who faints Why do always fat black people always faint? What's the I faint blood pressure Did you she just fainted like six black dudes trying to hold all of them Tarzan's Not one of them could hold this one

She had a little bonbon on her head What was the point of this story I have no idea why black people always faint they're in the funeral I've got a thousand funerals. Nobody ever fainted. You know what I am? Oh my god I hate fucking funerals. I hate all that shit because that's where the real falling this comes out Yeah, well my mother died. I I learned a big experience. So those four days because there was a Cuban funeral So they keep you alive in the casket for four days. They just keep throwing fucking That dust now the high mouth the high dust on you have to maintain you

So, you know, I mean that don't bury you till the arm pops up. Yeah, I think they break the reed Did you know that they they've got to break your spine? What they break your spine during the fucking whatever So you don't pop up and uh, oh, they were ring of mortars or whatever. Yeah. Oh, wow. I didn't know that part Well, juice go in the next day. Huh juice go in immediately Well, then like 24 hours they go they get burnt buried. Yeah Muslims, too Really? Yeah, you guys are the same. Okay. Yeah, probably Yeah, Cubans, they'll keep you in the room for a week Yeah, until you start kicking them people drinking and doing food and put a mask off a carbon

Put the food in your fucking casket when they picked my mother up. There was an extra hundred pounds of bottles Like everybody kept putting bottles of pinching there. She probably got buried with an ounce or two of coke I remember being like being a coke fiend. How was your mom? 48 times my people were putting coke inside the fucking casket. She was partying back then Yeah, she was partying. So people were putting coke inside the casket. You don't know how many days I sat there thinking of digging around Like one night I was like, I'm gonna dig her up. She's got an ounce is still good. I did There's a little creepy green hand and shit Thank god you didn't can you imagine if he does that using your razor blade to get the dirt out of the coke

Fucking embarrassing god, please fucking help me You know, it's just really weird Russell that And I can tell you this to your face that one person has ever said a bad word about you Like this is why it was important for me to get you on the show And talk to you a little bit. They just get to know you like I didn't I never witty peded you till today And there was an educate. I've heard that you pop up at places and DJ Yeah, like I've heard this but I didn't know for sure. Oh, yeah I thought you were just fucking copying Anzi Anzari or something like that because it's like a fake fucking

I'm the first guy. You're the first guy. I understand understand something. I did everything for everything first I was boxing from 85 to 94. Were you really? Yeah I was I was deejaying from 85 till now I've been doing comedy since 89 the boxing amateur amateur you get beat up. Oh, yeah, you love it though I loved it. I had Lennox. Those and I were amateurs together. No, we've been friends since like 86 About a very long time up there in Canada. Yeah Fuck you've had a very interesting Yeah, when I was home recently

I found a picture of me and Lennox in like 96 or something Because he came to my show again a couple weeks ago. I was in Toronto and uh But I found this picture of him and I like so this is him and I like last two weeks ago, right? Wow and uh Then I found this picture of us from like 96 and I was fucking you guys see the size of this guy's fist It's ridiculous. It's the reason why he was heavyweight champ I literally made my You know, I don't have a small I got a pretty big fist for a smaller guy

I don't know if I'm a smaller guy, but look at the size of his fucking fist compared to mine It's looking like I look like a child. That was a long fucking time ago. He was huge. Yeah He was huge and look I got a big fist. Yeah, what what's worse bombing or getting punched in the face bombing Oh My god, I can't that was not gonna be my guess some seven years older than you. Yeah, so our music will taste very similar Really from rock to disco love disco hip hop to hip hop Do you want did you watch hip hop evolution on netflix? No, I just documentary series Is it good? I executive produced it. So we want a peabody and an emmy for it

Once how long has it been on uh, it's on season two right now, but it's four episodes each season You'll love it especially from being from new york. Yeah. Yeah, it starts in 82 What starts it starts in 72? That's when you trace it back. Yeah, we go back to cool hurt coming to america from jamaica And then we go to when he threw the first party at 15 15 1520 cedar sedgwick avenue in the brocks And that's what spawned hip hop that night No, shit. Yeah, you take it that deep we go right to right right back Because I was right there for the disco

hip hop Yeah infusion Did you go to studio 54 at the end? Yeah, not when it was now rogers and our good friends Okay, and i'm legal uh not legally i'm uh officially chic's official dj So remember chic fuck i dj with them on stage fucking songs. It's a chic shit. Oh, yeah, they're doing to do I'm in the fucking eighth grade. I'm a freshman maybe Eight grade freshman I'm a basketball kid like i'm a basketball guy

Have you been tall already then? Uh, no, but I was I had good legs. I could jump that was a good rebound I could grab the rim in the eighth grade And I could barely dunk in my neighborhood. It was nine foot Instead of 10 inches it was in 10 feet It was nine feet 10 inches right and I could barely hit the ball like my freshman year Like if it hit off the rim I could jump So I went to see

My high school against this whole bokeh Just sensational team Rank number two in the state behind camden forget about cam camden was like fucking everybody was six foot eight already Yeah, camden they didn't fuck around they played down there by Philly. They did it's a Philly neighborhood. Yeah And I'll never forget that my high school went into whole bokeh And the whole bokeh and the only led the The went the county and wins They led the county and slam dunks

In high school. They had a junior and a senior at that time. This is 79 80 yeah What is she she had come out? 78 That's that's the album. Yeah, and might have been 77 even north bergen came out for like, you know, boy, I was Born a rambling man Yeah, and the lights went down and all of a sudden the whole bokeh came out to chic shea And the guy that was a slam dunk guy was juicy

And he came out with a tomahawk fucking slam dunk who tomahawk in high school Nobody fucking tomahawk in high school In fact, one of the great covers of our time that nobody talks about is a cover of uh I can't remember his name of him on sports illustrated You know the tomahawk is No, when you come from I can't even oh When you come from here and go like that. Yeah over your head and there's one of the one of the covers of sports illustrated had it on my wall I forget who the player was not dr. J. No, it was a college basketball player. He was a fucking

college fucking sensation Never went pro what you think it was 78 77 he was a razor back His name was he was uh an average not an arizona razor back But the other one Fuck you got to see this cover of him about the tomahawk He's taking off and you can see the players on the bench Like getting up like with their towels in their hand like no, he's not gonna do it. It's fucking tremendous

But anyway, they came out to chic shea. I didn't know that you were friends with How long have you been friends with fucking chic for for nyle nyle and I've been friends about uh Say about eight years now. And how did you make you the music industry? Oh, yeah. Well, he was turned out. He was a fan And I was like what now rogers is a fan of mine. How the fuck did that happen? That doesn't make sense to me. I bought every record this man did From fucking david bowie to madonna to steve windwood to the b-52s everything he ever did What did he do steve windwood 83 85? He did when you see a chance. Okay. No, no, he did higher love higher love Yeah, he did higher love

Who sang with it when I love chaka club Maybe I don't know. I don't know that chaka was on that I went to go, you know, so You found it. Oh, no, I'm looking for I can't I'm Nothing popping up yet We do this thing where I have my turntable set up with the band And now stands in front of me and plays the guitar lick for la freak So I'll show you I'll show you the rehearsal video if you want look for razor backs

Famous razor backs. Okay. Uh, what's a razor back? What what where they for? I don't know where the fuck is khaki arkansaw arkansaw Famous arkansaw basketball plays And it'll tell you his fucking name What's arkansaw? What are they? Um Razor backs. Okay. Yeah razor backs So what the famous razor back basketball players from the 70s put razor back from

sports illustrator cover Why didn't you see this? Here's nile and I do a rehearsal so he plays guitar for la freak and I scratch the aw Go ahead Put on the microphone Oh Look at this Sidney

Sid the squid monk reef mon creek look at the people sitting look at the guy with the brown shirt on I got with the stripes looks like yeah, it looks like frank Stallone. Look at that fucking guy. I bumped into him on an airport once Recently squid. No, this is he went on to be a fucking tremendous pro. But look at that. That's what 78 February. What is 78? I can't fucking see here February 13th. Yeah, that's when the that's when the tomahawk got popularized with that one dollar. That's expensive back then A dollar for a sports illustrator. That's expensive and you got like it came out every week So you got like 52 copies for 48 dollars And you had to pay it up front with the money order. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that

I didn't even know what a money order was you had to get sport magazine was the other one. So it was sport and this So how long were you deejaying before you turned into comedy? Um three years no four years before I started doing comedy. It's amazing russell I thought you were doing comedy like you started like in 2000. No 89 I've been without that bang of that. I'm blowing the fucking hard road Good for you, man. The hard road. I did those fucking gigs where they don't want to see you You know all that shit when people like you want to go do this room and something I did that already. I'm good. Thanks

I don't need to fucking relive my My my my fucking painful moments now before You hit were you coming to the states a lot to do not much. No 96 I came to new york and uh I slept on keith robinson and patrice o'neill's couch in woodbridge, new jersey And I remember they just fucking tore me apart

I brought my special that I shot in 95 in canada. That was like a big hit in canada in 95 I brought it on vhs. I was like, yo check it out. They watched it and they looked at me after the go The fuck was that? And I go what because that was shit and I'm like, why are you kidding me? Are you being just being a hairless? It was trash. What was so good about it? And I'm like Damn, they made me rethink everything They made me get in my head and made me made me work harder If they didn't do that, I wouldn't be here today

I'd have been doing all the fucking mediocre shit. I was doing Where's the special now? I haven't seen it in years. I don't know where to probably exist somewhere. I've never I've never even seen it online So I was putting up your good shit didn't put up the badge. Well, I'm appreciate that Thank god for small fucking famous. Yeah, right. Well, they put the second special on in 97 That was kind of shit, but whatever and how long were you in new york for? About a month a month and a half at that time It couldn't afford to see so Neil and those guys

I met Keith because he was shooting a movie in toronto that summer He was shooting the movie called rebound the Earl Manigault story And I ended up hanging out with him And a bunch of other dudes and we all became friends And then Keith was a comic and it's all took from like 96 to like 99 They were shooting a lot of movies in toronto Yeah, then sars hit and then it all ended then it all ended And falcon all moved to vancouver. That was crazy. I remember going to bollywood and seeing

To our bollywood. I keep calling it bollywood comedy would come you look at it me and picture in bollywood. You said, oh I kept going to comedywood and one time I was there And I was outside for 10 minutes. I saw three movie stars Yeah, it was it was crazy back in the day. So Andy Garcia George went And angeline joe lee's father going into a hotel. Oh, yeah, I remember I was with um when 9 11 happened I was with mark wallberg And uh, everybody at the uh, because it happened during the uh, toronto film festival

And every time I see mark wallberg, he never remembers me from that day. I'm like, I was there at a pivotal moment Mark wallberg mr. Flight He his story was that he was supposed to go to new york that day or supposed to be on that flight for boston But i'm like There's no way you were supposed to be on that flight from boston because I was with you the night before in toronto Yeah, because that was a big thing that he was supposed to be on that flight. Yeah, no, he wasn't he was in toronto He was already there. I was on the night before I don't know them nine ten

I remember I was wearing a beige suit and he goes nice suit I don't know if he's been a smart ass or if he really liked the suit, but I really like the suit so I wonder if there's documentation that they had that money for that plane ticket or that was just a fucking lot It was a little exaggeration Maybe if he wasn't in toronto, he was supposed to be on that flight or But no, he was in toronto then I know because I was with him

I gotta tell you something bro. So you've had an interesting fucking road. Hey man. I love it I'm happy that you came on and talked a little bit just i'm glad I keep watching and I keep seeing the people We have on ago. I want to fucking be on the church. Yeah. Yeah, I wish I could have you for two with four hours We'll do it. I know that you you have that many fucking stories Yeah, and now you just do all these calm any time somebody bails. I'll fucking drive in now. You just do these fucking arenas You do whatever you don't even give it. I don't even care. So when you do oxnard, that's like a throwaway weekend Yeah, it's just me getting back in shape, you know sparring

Doing new material. No, I'll do my axe still. I want to tighten it up I got to change it up now because when I started the act in in february My life changed so much from february to now that I got to rewrite a lot of the act I mean, it was started off. I was 16 17 pounds heavier than So I was like, yeah, I got fat and now i'm back in better shape now You know, it started off. I was engaged. Well, now i'm not engaged, you know I started off with I didn't want any more kids and if I and I didn't want a son

Well, now I've got a pregnant girlfriend and I have a son coming. So I gotta fucking rewrite the one that was engaged No new girl You moved that quick. I may have been double dipping a little bit At least you're honest, you know, you're very honest. You're very honest. You can't hide shit in life. Fuck you It is what it is, you know Yeah, I'll fuck you. You lie. You're gonna get found out and then people think you're a liar I'm from the era of your word is your word. That's it. That's it. If I did something wrong I did something wrong. You know, you lied about why would I lie? Why would I lie about something like that?

So many fucking better things to lie about and I'm I'm not gonna do it. I didn't know about the child. Congratulations. Thanks. Yeah How far along five months Oh my god, bro. So you're a savage and heat I freak without warning Your appetite for love makes me so horny. I'm sitting in my head going. I know these lyrics How great are those fucking lyrics? So many good ones. Remember, uh, you know, it's fun song. Let's new rated x by cool g rap Rated x by cool g rap or x rated whatever it was called

You know, it's hard You know, we'll get you back on here with dean del rain. We'll smoke some pot Yeah, and we'll you'll have me and dean the fucking sober. I'll drink with you. How about that? I really want to hear about your take on this hip hop. I saw one take like I didn't know about 1972 But I didn't know About as soon as I heard I said a hip the message whatever the message. Well the rappers the life Rappers delight. That was 79. That was 79. You know, it's funny about rappers

It's in it's in if you get a chance and yes, no, no, no download watch on the play. It's on netflix. Yeah, watch on the plane That's my thing is in season one. We talk of we talked to grandmaster cas Because they stole grandmaster cas's lyrics for rappers delight When big bank hank says i'm the c a s a the na o v y whatever the the rest is f l y Casinova fly he spells out fucking grandmaster cas's name I'm six foot one. He's like you fucking took my height Like you took everything that I said in that song and used it for your own purposes So they talked like we talked to cas because they were like they stole the lyrics from him

They made this huge song And then meli mel who cas and meli mel are like really really close friends of mine And then it cuts to meli mel because he was on sugar hill records Grandmaster flashed the various fiber signed the sugar hill records and sylvia robinson said to meli mel We need you guys to do a song with rappers delight And then it cuts to meli mel going we couldn't make a piece of shit like that That's why we did the message because I was like i'm not making no bullshit. I'm gonna make a real fucking song And then message was just brilliant and then white lines and all that shit. That was all mel

That is crazy But i'm living in new york you're in there. You're in the fucking mix city Copping are you going to tunnel? Do you have to go to the tunnel latin quarter? I went to the tunnel Yeah, I went to the latin quarter, but I went to the tunnel. That was an old like Music joint. Hey, yeah, you ever go to the fever? No, I think the fever was in the Bronx. No, I heard just disco fever disco fever I was more of a manhattan guy. Yeah, I went wherever the cocaine was right which was everywhere Which was chitchat of shit

but I saw the growth of that music like I saw the growth of Uh, you know going to the Bronx to cop coke at a special price And seeing guys in the corner returned from the Mao Mao's in the Bronx the Puerto Ricans Yeah, like seeing guys in the corner Spinning yeah, and like taking the power from the light pole And by you know going to the bodega and getting the bag of plantain chips

And like a can of coke for the ride back to jersey Yeah, but being mesmerized by this thing And then it was black guys wrapping on the corner Yeah, like I saw that happening and I saw guys you'd go to cop in the brooklyn norsen They'd have a linoleum floor They'd come out I had my I used to break dance. I had my little I couldn't afford linoleum So if I would I would walk around my neighborhood and see if somebody bought a fridge or stove And I would steal a cardboard box and take it home when they would throw it out

You know the evolution You know a couple days ago somebody said well you guys seen the growth Here with the medical marijuana. I saw the growth with the music And I saw the growth of marijuana Getting replaced by crack. Okay. Yeah that quick Like it overstepped the powder like forget the powder. We went right from marijuana to crack. Okay. Yeah

So it was all an evolution all at the same time again. Grandmaster cas tells me about he was on crack for 10 years. He told me He said he doesn't know how to fuck. He survived that shit. He doesn't know how he never got aids from that shit Because he'd be fucking crackhead bitches in the in the crack houses You know what I mean? He was like, I don't know how to fuck. I never got nothing I don't know. You don't know what life is till you walked into a crack house. Oh, yeah, he was telling me all I went and won one night the cop like I went into the city the cop all fucked up And as soon as I got to the building there as I go up the corner They got raided so you went up the corner

And the guy up the corner goes my name is like flock. Oh, you know, they all have Blanco or whatever If you want what do you want? You know, I told the guy go, I'm just not giving you cash I gotta go upstairs with you So we went And it was like we went through a good building To go into this fucking den of fucking death And stinks stinks you could smell piss. Yeah, and man they had to be

This is 1984. They had to be like nine people in a corner That looked at me like I was a fucking cop Just smoking Whatever like a pipe whatever the fuck they were doing at that time. Yeah, and then there was a guy there that would sell the coke to There was a guy that would stay there all night with like three bodyguards And had them going in there at fucking four in the morning and buying Maybe an ounce and a half a coke from him It's a lot of coke him searching me and shit asking me if I was a cop

And I started talking to spanish or one of the guys they knew I wasn't a cop But that's the first and only time I saw a real crack man. My friend's father was a crackhead in the 80s. It was a trip, dude we'd go to his house and uh You could tell when his dad was rocked out because he'd be like, well, yeah Go to the store and get us some fucking chicken. There's a fucking lock job and like a motherfucker Go go to the fucking rest. How you doing? Tell will you take a fucking mug and get some chicken?

God damn. I remember going I sleeping over. I sleep on his couch. I woke up in the middle of the night one day I had to go to take a piss I go in the bathroom His dad's in there with a chick and some dude and they're shooting up heroin in the bathroom. I'm like, I hope in the dark Oh, sorry Let's go back to bed. I'll be uh 14. Did you tell your parents like like, no, no I'm not gonna snitch that was your own little fucking treasure chest. I was like, wow I've never seen that shit before. Oh my god, Russell. Russell, you're the real deal, man I'm happy you took the time. I know you got a show tonight. I gotta be down there too. You're on. Yeah

That's 45. That's a hell of a lineup. Yeah, it's gonna be great. That's you need a ride. No, no, I'm good It's crazy because you said something Before I shot the Netflix special I was fucking around I was fucking around Russell and I went to other places And as soon as I finished shooting And I got on the plane. I said I fucked up. I'm not going to the store every night Because I took the easy route Right instead of going to the store every night and banging it out

You go to the store five nights a week for six weeks You come out of that animal. Tell Adam you want to go up at midnight, too Yeah, just tell him Adam I want to go over to the midnight every night. You come out an animal Yeah, they wouldn't be able to that's what I'm doing next time. I got a special offer to me You gotta go. You're going to the belly of the beast. I'm going into the belly of the beast. I'm changing it all up Different training regimen. I trained wrong and that's why now I just only go to the comedy store I only go to the comedy store. Yeah, I don't ever see you nowhere else. That's it. There's no reason to anymore I think I'm gonna be anywhere else. I go now. I just get depressed

So why am I gonna be there the home comedies might I want to always perform like I do at the comedy store I have to always be in that state of mind when I go to the comedy store. It's a kill somebody It's a I love watching it's to kill somebody when I go over that hill and Laurel King and I don't listen to the radio I just go deep deep deep into my thoughts and I think about getting beat up. I think about mugging people I think about bad shit. I think about good shit. I laugh at him About the fly that came out of his bag last night I go through I go through a bag of emotions on Laurel King So when I get to the store, it's like fucking. I know I'm I'm at

That gym with Muhammad Ali went with Angel Dundee trained Muhammad Ali. I was in Miami That was a fourth 14th straight gym. So like that, you know, that's where you're at the street gym So, you know, that was that that's what it was. So that was at the pool. Yeah And they called me from the store and she goes you have a 1045 spot And are you doing the or original rule? But if I go down there at nine triple, it'll put you out No, yeah, you know, come on Uh, you know, I was going through the twitter and I was at the pool with my daughter And I looked at the lineup brown white

crystallia whitney Joe and I'm on this lineup and I'm like I'm fucking 55 You know what I'm saying? Yeah Like I'm 55 years old and I'm still on these fucking lineups And I got like emotional. That's why I cry, you know, you know, who's uh, you know, also is a good person to For that is and that appreciates the game still and has been in it forever is dom Yeah, you have to appreciate it. Dom is the best dom has I don't think dom has a fucking bitter bone in his body

You shouldn't He's so amazing when I got here I all I talked to a bit economics. Oh, yeah, that's all I mean, I swore to myself I would not become that person This is a gamble if you give it the best you got If you know, you're giving it the best you got it'll give it back to you He'll give it back to you. If you're fucking around, you ain't gonna get deck Yeah, but if you give it in if you go all the fucking

They'll give back to you and then you won't have any regrets You know when you work B rooms and C rooms on the road, you work with all bitter l.a. Come on. You work with bitter everybody You gotta be gay You gotta know people. I know the worst is the club owners. They're like, you know, you're in fucking wichita and they're like trying To act like they know comedy better than you like Yeah, no, come on. It's good. You're the fucking one who's staying out here. You know, I mean don't don't fucking look at me Like I'm the jerk off It's so weird how I'm very happy about one thing now when it comes to my career

That I just stick to my work like I don't break my anything Like this is how it is This is how we're doing it And that's it. No questions if we can't do it that way then let me know and we'll find the weekend when I can do it That way. Yeah, and they'll change that tune right away Like I love, you know, I don't bully him. I'm not a bad person But I explained to him this is how we're doing it And if we don't do it this way

Then that's fine. Like I love when they call me to go. You can't bring a feature. We already have okay. No worry cancel the week Let me know when I can bring my feature. Let me tell you when I can bring my feature And then they call you back. Okay. There was a misunderstanding That's always what it is a misunderstanding. That's what I that's my favorite thing to hear I know you got to go. I love you. I love you. Joe. Where can they go find you? russelpeters.com at russelpeters on instagram. It was a real pleasure having you, you know, you're uh You're a champion in and out of the fucking ring in my eyes and now that we cleared that air up I will be up to do a private session with you. I'm training tomorrow if you're in

I got a 130 not tomorrow. I got 9 10 30 And 12 30 tomorrow and then four o'clock karate and tomorrow night's pizza night because i'm leaving thursday We do this easy tomorrow come on the last two days. I've been running Let me know when you're back and you got some time off in december. Yes, I lifted and I went to muay thai Nice, I go to muay thai at nine I go to muay thai conditioning to get out of the way. I'm 55. You know, I get it I can't I don't have time to wait till six o'clock to do fucking rolls. Yeah, you got me early

You got to get me early eight o'clock. I can't roll Nine o'clock. I can't roll. It's a little too early to roll. Yeah, but 10 10 30. I could roll I roll at 130. I feel good about that and roll that 130 is good I like roll but I like rolling on an empty stomach. Yeah, so do I I don't eat a lot of stomach That's when I do my best when I'm hungry and and I end up farting if I fucking roll with all I love when people get on top of me and I blow a fart And then I try to sweep them when they get away for that fucking fart And fucking and they they go for it if I can't sweep you once I fart you're going done

You know Rico Rodriguez. Yeah. Oh my god. I rolled my brother. I rolled with Rico one day about a year ago And uh, I rolled with John jack for an hour And then at the end of the session Rico was there and I was making fun of Rico at the beginning of the class Out loud not to myself. Just I was like, you know breaking his balls in front of the class. Was he big? It's a big fuck. Oh, he's a big former UFC. Yeah, no, please But was he big like oh, he was he was big at the time. No, he's now he's a little smaller I saw him on saturdays a little smaller, but he was big. He gets big and not fat either like fucking diesel Yeah, he gets big. So I

And then John jack was you want to roll with somebody else? I go. Yeah, sure. He goes. Hey, rico and I go Fuck I was a white belt at the time too So he calls rico around I go shit So, you know, you shake your hands and I just pull guard right away because I'm like, I'm not trying to find I'm not trying to get thrown around this this gym So I just pull grabbed his ski and his wrist and I pulled guard right away He's on top and he just stands up He starts pushing down on me

You know and my neck is on the ground. I'm like, oh fuck and he's folding me And then my body decided to release whatever air it had left in it and I sharded I ship myself did you tap tap? No, I told her go rico. I just shit. He goes It's funny. I go no, no, I'm serious. I shit myself. He's laughing and I in a couple of seconds I was like, what the fuck is that smell? I told you I just shit myself Oh my god, Rico, you literally beat the shit out of me. I've never shipped myself, but I've come close You run in the house when they get on top of you and mount Oh, man, and you try to do that two time umpa

And then going nowhere and you're mounted and they're creeping up like a snake And their ass is pushing on every organ together. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a masses of that. Yeah Once you get over brown belt, you know how to torture people. It's called invisible jiu-jitsu. Yeah, that's uh, rexons So yeah invisible jiu-jitsu is the worst. Yeah, they're not even doing nothing to you. Yeah, they're just way there It's like john jock. I hear john jock's mount You're in no danger Like you're in no danger once he mounts you he always says If somebody passes your god, you messed up two steps ago. Yeah, isn't that all of his sayings?

He'll do this. He'll just uh, he'll get on top of give me sick against side control on me And then he'll go Okay, let's see how you deal with this and then all of a sudden you just feel like a fucking Anvil landed on you like the fuck is that you're 175 pounds. How did this happen? They know exactly how to fucking. Yeah, and he'll do it. He'll be like, okay. You can't breathe up here Now you can't breathe down there. Now you can't breathe up here and you'll just keep shifting it so that My breathing gets fucked up. It's fucking crazy. It's insane. How good he's like a fucking Jedi I love you, brother. You too, brother. Thank you very much for taking the time

Your family knock them dead at the store. I'll see you there. I'll see you there I want to thank my man Russell Peters. I want to thank my man the christ killer most importantly I want to thank you guys for supporting me and having my back boiling I'm coming but the tickets are sold out and next week I'm in La Jolla and the tickets are sold out through It's a small joint. I'm just trying to work on new stuff. You know, you know how we do it here But there's still tickets available December 12th for the temblor Brewing company up in fucking bakersfield up there in matt bacon territory up there in true Blue bjj not fucking around so I'll be up there wednesday

uh December 12th eight o'clock the temblor and then I got oxnard after the holidays Well, we'll talk to that later the levity live up an oxnard. That's it. That's done. It's been a great week I want to thank Anthony cool me for coming on. I want to thank Russell Peters But most importantly, I want to thank you motherfuckers in the church family for having our back It's that time of the year where you might be getting down and we're here to fucking save your life Never fear uncle joey's here. All right. Don't forget what I got to say. Also, this podcast is brought to you by quip When you think of a perfect gift, you probably don't think of an electric toothbrush But the cripple electric toothbrush is one of the most gift guided gifts of the season and here's why

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