Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #645 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt
Episode Date: December 27, 2018Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt sit down to talk about why the holidays may not be for everyone and why preparation is so important if you want you new year to be successful. This podcast is brought to ...you by:   ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church  Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.  Recorded live on 12/26/2018.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Greetings from PodcastVille, the church of what's happening now is brought to you by Zip Recruiter.
Listen, iron can be pretty time-consuming.
You post a job to several online job boards only to get tons of wrong resumes.
Then you gotta sort out through all these resumes just to find a few people with right skills and experience.
Those job sites that overwhelm you with the wrong resumes, that's not a smart way of doing things.
I'll tell you what the smart way to do it is, ziprecruiter.com slash church.
Unlike other job sites, Zip Recruiter finds qualified candidates for you.
And right now, the church family can try Zip Recruiter for free.
No matter what type of business you have, big or small, at this exclusive address, ziprecruiter.com slash church.
If you love the show, show support by going to ziprecruiter.com slash church, C-H-U-R-C-H.
That's ziprecruiter.com slash church.
Ziprecruiter is the smartest way to hire.
Number two, listen, you want to start the new year off fucking tip top, Magoo, no problems.
This is your year, right?
That's what you've been telling me for the last fucking 10 days.
2019 is my year.
I'm going to keep snorting and smoking and drinking and eating like a fucking Galvan.
Because it doesn't matter on the first, my job, my life is changing.
You want your life to change and start to honor right then and there from the shroom tech sport,
the shroom tech immune to the fucking alpha brain.
The signature supplement that they, this is what made them was the alpha brain.
And to boot, they give you 100% money back guarantee.
If it doesn't work for you and they don't want the product back.
That's why I work with honor because they're the real deal.
Mongolia field.
You understand me?
So go to honor.com and press in church.
Bam and get 10% off and it gets delivered to your door.
Start the year off on the right foot.
Kick this fucking mule Lee.
Oh, shit.
It's Thursday, the 27th, bad motherfuckers.
Oh, it's Christmas.
Little motherfucking Janet Jackson.
Take it off of you.
What?
All plastic surgery, but who gives a fuck?
You know what I'm saying?
What am I a doctor?
Hit it.
Oh, shit.
It's kicking.
Here we go.
Here we go, Lee.
Oh, shit.
Thursday.
You're sitting there with a thumb up your ass asking yourself,
what the fuck am I at work today?
What the fuck?
Oh, why am I not at work today?
What the fuck?
Whatever your dilemma is.
Listen, Merry Christmas post to you motherfuckers.
And that's it.
Like I said, the beginning 2019 is definitely motherfucking here.
That's the first thing I thought about this morning like fuck.
Christmas is fucking over.
We got a couple more days of this bullshit.
And then on the 7th, it takes a couple more days.
People are talking about their bullshit of where they went to
Morocco and they smoked ash with some fucking Indian.
So nobody's really fucking full navigate until the 15th of January.
That shit pisses me the fuck off.
You know, but we'll talk about that stuff later.
What I really want to talk to you about that I noticed.
I've noticed for the first time this year.
I've noticed it in people before, but I really didn't notice it as
much as I did this year.
It was like, I don't know.
Maybe I'm getting older and you look at things.
For the first time in a long time, I realized how people, there's
a lot of people out there don't do well over the holidays.
What do you mean?
Don't do well.
They just don't do well.
This part of the year does not agree with them.
And I'm one of those people.
Is it like what you were talking about earlier with people aren't
working or just emotionally?
Just just emotionally.
Some people do not click this time of the year.
They, they, and I was in New York last week.
You know, I could be honest with you guys.
I was in New York last week that I want to fucking be there.
I'd rather be in my fucking warm house, minding my business
going to kickboxing and shit like that.
I went to New York for my family.
I took my wife and my daughter and it was cold and there was
ferries to take and Monday alone, we took fucking six Uber's
and it, but their happiness made me happy.
Did I give a Frenchman's fuck about Christmas?
Not really.
I mean, the lights blew me away at Saks Fifth Avenue and the
tree, look, you saw it, you've been seeing trees since you
were fucking three.
So it's got fucking lights on it.
St.
Patrick's is overwhelming, but my point is this.
I don't know.
And I thought about it when I was there.
I don't know.
I don't know if it's those scumbag kids that ruined it by
telling me fucking there was no Santa.
I don't know if my mother dying gave me a weird feeling about
Christmas, but I always just, just it just because you see
some people and they're having a great time and they wear the
fucking ugly sweaters and they go to parties and they take
pictures and it's supposed to be joy.
You've been sitting there smoking a joint.
There's people saying outside your door and you're like,
what the fuck do I do now?
Like what, what, what do I do?
I got people saying on outside my door, you open the door
and you're standing like a jerk off when you look at them
and then you give them candy or a couple of dollars.
They got a dollar.
You got a fucking throat loss and I don't know.
I just never got that.
How has it changed for you since you've had mercy?
Christmas is for her.
But my wife will tell you.
There's a couple of things I hate doing in life.
I ain't going to fucking doctor, but you got to go because
you got to give them blood.
But if I tell you what I hate the most, I hate shopping.
I hate shopping, but I got to go buy clothes.
I go in there like a fucking hurricane.
I go in there.
I know what size I am.
I know what waist.
I know what jeans I want.
When I'm going to fucking the tall fat store up at the
Panga Canyon up there, right?
Double X, whatever.
It's 15 minutes.
Like I know exactly what I'm looking for.
I know the sections to go to a couple, look at a couple
of things.
I go to the section that's got the blue dots where it's like
40% off and shit.
But I know exactly what the fuck I want, but I hate going
Christmas shopping.
Like I'd rather give you the 20 and go buy yourself a
fucking bottle of booze.
Leave me the fuck alone.
I got a, I got a hunt and rap.
I just, it just never, I don't understand.
It just never really.
So growing up, you're always doubting yourself.
Like, why do I feel this way growing up?
I'd be at a house and people be giggling and shit.
And all I'd want to do is watch the football game.
You know, that's all you really want to do.
You're interested for the onion dip.
And the football game, you know, and it's kind of sad.
So I thought it was just me.
And then you fucking go out into the world and you bump into
different people.
And I remember having a friend in snow mass.
Good guy.
And I didn't figure it out till like the third year I was in
snow mass that he would disappear on the holidays.
He would disappear and just lay low.
And I asked his brother and he goes, you didn't know this by
hanging out with him so long.
You never see him over the holidays.
And I thought about it.
You just never saw it.
Something happened to him when he was a kid over the holidays
and he never got that.
I get it.
I mean, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna, you asked me when you got here
what I was doing for New Year's.
I'm not a big party guy at all.
So New Year's for me.
I like to stay in sometimes, sometimes.
And sometimes it gets lonely, but I've gotten to a point
where I enjoy it.
And I, I honestly think that well, the reason I asked about
mercy is my mom was here for two weeks and it was great.
I hadn't seen her in about a year other than a couple days
in Boston.
And it made me think about you.
I was like, I can't.
Now every time I see her part of me, even though I hate
admitting is like, I wonder if this is the last time I'll see
her.
And I can't imagine what it would be like to have holidays
without without her.
So with it and whether or not like, what, maybe you just
don't get along with your family or maybe you just don't
like people.
I get it.
I don't like being around a lot of people.
So for me, I get instead of being down about it, I try to
be like, okay, well, what do I, if, if it's going to make me
happy to sit at home and watch a three Stooges marathon on AMC.
That's what it is.
Then just do what I like.
I give yourself the gift of just being making yourself happy.
Right.
That's, that's why that's a good angle.
That's a great angle that I agree with you.
I did it for years.
I did it for years.
I didn't want to impose my not same misery, but not understanding
and I was raised Catholic and I get the effects that Jesus
was born and I get all that stuff and I love giving gifts.
I love all that shit.
Just it's not like I'm fucking caught, you know, singing down
the streets, jumping up and down.
And this year I've looked around me and I've looked at the
people around me and I told Rogan when I got back because
Rogan was talking to me, him and his wife were thinking about
New York or whatever.
And I said, you know, I love New York City, but for me, it
works three months a year.
It works in September, October and April, no humidity, no
cold weather, that stuff.
But when it comes to the holidays, New York destroys
LA by a landslide.
What do you mean?
That right now in LA, like when I got off the plane, I could
tell I was in LA and the Christmas spirit had just died.
Like it just died.
Like in New York, everything was up.
Lights were up.
People were singing already, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba.
You come to LA and there's really nothing going on.
Last night when I got home or two nights ago, Christmas Eve,
I realized there was a North Hollywood Christmas parade.
Did you know about it?
No, I didn't.
I didn't know nothing about it.
I didn't know nothing about it.
We live right here close to North Hollywood.
I didn't know nothing about it.
So yeah, I'm not blaming anything.
The main topic here is depression over the holidays.
And how I know for a fact, I spoke to five people this year.
That were having a fucking hard time with holidays.
There's a lot of pressure.
My dad even said it.
He's like, even when you turn on the TV, all the movies and TV
shows show people with their families and if you happen to
not live near your family, it's like, am I doing something
wrong or like, why don't I have that?
And so yeah, it's hard to avoid this time of year.
Like we were thinking of having people over Christmas Eve.
I said, you know what?
Let's just have people over Christmas Eve.
I called 15 people, 12 of them were going to be out of town.
And then I was like, I got to think about mercy and somebody
invited us that's where there's 30 kids.
Right.
So we were going that route.
I wanted to spend Christmas at the house.
I would have fucking done it up nicely, you know, but out of
the 15 people I like, 12 of them were gone.
Right.
You know, I just don't want to have an open house and then
I have every fucking body at the house.
That's my nightmare.
Lying to you.
Yeah.
An open house.
Would anyone could just show up?
Yeah.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
But I really wanted to do that.
But again, I called around.
Steve Simone was gone.
Kay, Quigley's gone.
The Obama's gone.
I mean, the amount of people who were fucking gone was just
mind boggling.
That's why I like LA this time of year.
It's because everyone believes.
It's it's empty.
You know, so that that didn't bum me out.
But I wanted to just give something back to all you guys.
You know, I see all the time.
I think it was me, you and the Agostino.
I got everybody I called.
That's funny.
Yeah.
And the Agostino's from here.
That's why I got family and he had obligations.
So to be me, you, your mom and the baby, the baby would have
been losing the fucking mind at six o'clock at night on Christmas.
I said, forget it, because that's all we're down to.
You know, we have no family out here, nothing like that.
But all these things, I mean, none of these things on the
surface or even on the interior bottom, none of those things.
It's just this time of the year.
And if you know anything about me, part of me is the boredom.
If you know anything about me, part of me is the action, especially
living here because it just dies.
It just dies.
And I've told these guys for years.
I shot an NFL promo commercial on Christmas Eve, maybe 2010, 2008.
Work here goes late.
So sometimes you catch a run, Jack, like I call it a late run
one year commercials in November.
So to November, one in December, then I caught like a movie.
Things happen, you know, till the fucking 20th.
I tell people that all the time.
Things don't go nowhere.
Things happen lately.
I've been looking like a fucking asshole.
Nothing's happens.
Like you don't know what it's like to go on break knowing that on
January 7th, you're going to a set and you're going to report to
shoot three days on a fucking TV show.
You're fucking holidays are so happy.
You're so happy because not a lot of people go right into the year working.
Right.
Which is the other thing about this is like, I can't.
It must be tough leaving.
Like let's say we left for these two weeks and then you have to pay for
a hotel and all that.
You have to buy all these Christmas gifts and then January 1st rent is
doing your work for a couple of weeks and you paid all that money.
Like I almost take a little mini vacation in like February or something.
Just why pay all this extra money for a flight now?
Especially if the holidays aren't that important to you.
Go somewhere in March.
Do something like that.
But no time of the year is important to me.
The time of the year is important to me is when I'm working and having a good time.
And you know, I've never been a vacation type of guy.
Let's get it out of the way.
You're either vacation type of person or you're not vacation type of person.
You have to live with these things.
You have to come with this conclusion.
Know yourself.
Know yourself.
So you don't put yourself in bad predicaments because sometimes we pick
a partner who wants to be fucking Julie McCoy and she's a travel director
and every week they want to do something.
And you know what?
In the beginning, because you want to get in their pants, you agree this
shit, but throughout the year, they'll tell you like every three months,
we need to take a trip and now you're caught up in this shit.
I'm going to these and for some people, they really enjoy that and I'm
not knocking that at all.
I've just never been a vacation.
I like a relaxing vacation.
I don't want to have to stand up comedy.
You're your relaxation is just sitting at home and not moving.
Exactly.
So I wanted to do that in a hotel.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's what you wanted to do all year.
Yeah.
So what's the difference?
There's no vacation for you.
I'm talking about people who go away and actually like let that mind go and
have a great time.
I don't qualify.
I don't qualify and you're right.
If I do go on a vacation, I don't like that much movement.
I don't like that much movement.
I enjoyed Disneyland because I was on the site.
You know, I enjoy when I go to Huntington Beach because I'm on the
site, you know, 20 people have hit me up and asked me if I'm going to UFC
on Saturday and they got a better chance of seeing fucking Mohammed Gandhi
that because if I got a listen, I won't drive downtown for fucking dick.
They understand me.
I fucking hate going downtown to try me test me like Hollywood is bad
enough Marina Del Rey is bad enough.
Well, then Hills.
See if you ever see my Cuban ass downtown.
I wouldn't fucking go downtown if you paid me.
I get lost every time I go downtown.
You just go down there and get lost.
So I wouldn't go to a fight.
I went to one fight.
There was the biggest mistake because you leave with 18 to I can't do.
I like the fights.
I got spoiled with Joe.
We would go right from the Mandalay Bay upstairs right downstairs.
Right.
I love that shit.
I got to leave once I got to leave the facility and you've got a far ride.
You're in no danger.
Plus it takes a while to get out of the parking lot.
I can't imagine.
You know, it's it's people think like what the I met a guy on a plane a couple
months ago, maybe a month ago or something.
He's like, Hey man, if you're I travel a lot if you're lonely and you want to
come over to my house.
I go, where do you live?
You told me go in contrast to the show.
Whereas it goes about 45 minutes ago.
Listen, you got a better chance of hanging yourself and pulling him aboard
Dane because and he was like, really?
And I go, yeah.
And then I think last week or the week before you guys retweeted Chris Delia.
I agree.
I love that.
That was the best.
And you know, guys, you look at that clip and you go, there's something
wrong with Delia.
I look at that clip and I go, that's me.
And there was a clip of Delia basically just saying when people call him
up and ask him to do shit.
Yeah.
You want to play flag football?
You know, you want to, you want to go to eat the best pancakes?
I don't think so.
Do you want to go stand on line and get breakfast?
Not really.
Do you want that?
I'm the same person.
I don't know what I want to do till I want to do it.
I feel bad for people.
People call me up for a tight bench.
You're going to do something.
Tell you, let me know.
Okay.
I don't know what I'm going to do and I'm going to do it.
If I call you up and you say to me, I'll be there in 40 minutes.
You lost.
So that's why I don't call nobody because I'm ready to go 30 minutes.
No, because when I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go.
That's why I fly solo.
When this finger does this, when you're with me and this finger
does this, that means I'm about to turn my back.
I'm going to start walking.
Oh, that's why I get nervous when I go with you to shows.
Cause I'm like, he's going to leave me.
I have to know where he is.
Stop.
You fucked up.
I will get in that car and leave you there.
I have left tons of people at different places.
This finger means wrap it up.
We'll leave it.
Once you see this shoulder go across like Bellagosi, like when he
puts his cape on, you're in no danger of seeing me stop.
I go deaf.
I don't hear nothing.
You could be yelling, Joe, Joe.
I don't know nothing.
I get to that car.
I pop it open.
I get in that car.
I don't know what I want to do till I want to do it.
I felt really bad.
I have a friend in Jersey and he kept calling me, man, let me
know when you're going to do something.
I'm like, you're 40 minutes away.
By the time you get here, I've done it, rolled the joint and
watched an episode of fucking narcos.
So that's why I don't like that.
When I'm sitting there and I get that first burst of hunger.
I start thinking about what places I want to go to and I start
thinking about who would I call to go to those places?
You never except Mexican food.
Maybe your sushi days with me are done.
You embarrass me with that generic white sushi.
Who cares?
Because see, this is what I was with you until this point.
Who cares what the other person is eating and then he wasn't
going to Japan now to eat fucking American sushi.
No, I would try something there.
Yeah, you would try something there.
He gets mad at me because I eat tuna and shrimp and different
variations of all that.
Who cares fucking shrimp?
Shrimp is delicious.
How bad to go get the same shit you get everywhere, which is shrimp,
salad, shrimp toast, the main fucking thing so they could slice
it and put on a piece of rice and it's still delicious.
No, it doesn't taste like shit.
You're gonna put wasabi on it.
I do, but okay, I do absolutely put wasabi on it.
How dare you?
I do.
He just gets mad.
I don't know what you want, but then you do.
You said I can't go to sushi anymore.
You're an embarrassment.
So I tell you the truth.
You're an embarrassment.
Not taking you for sushi.
Even the way you're embarrassed.
I was gonna say the way the way it looks.
I mean, goes, who would you find this fucking mutt?
Two sushi tuna and fucking shrimp like a fucking delicious name
is Hank.
Get the fuck out of here.
You gotta get the rolls.
I do get rolls.
The blue carb rolls, the social rolls, the fucking eyeball rolls.
You gotta get all those rolls.
Fucking people trying to get whatever, but you know, like the
death thing really bothers me because I could tell you even
before my mother died, I wasn't hip on the Christmas day.
I was hip on it because I knew my mom was going to give me an
envelope.
Beside that, I wasn't hip on it.
Like I didn't give a fuck.
Once I found out there was no Santa.
I just lost it.
I think it was the no Santa thing.
I don't know who told me because my mom for about two or
three years had me fucking confused.
She had me on the ropes guys.
My mom was that good and I watched like a hawk.
And when you watch them like a hawk and they fuck you, you
can't.
My mother was good from the ages of five to like eight.
She had me even after people told me there was a fucking
Santa Claus and I confronted her.
She still fucked my shit up.
I looked all over that house for gifts and the tank and the
basements.
I looked everywhere.
I couldn't find them.
I went to the bar with her.
I came back the gifts on to the fucking tree.
So this day, I never like before she died, never really
asked her because I kind of like the fucking thought of
there being a Santa.
Yeah.
It does.
I mean, I grew up.
The only way I was thinking is if one of her friends
slipped in and broke gifts and then slipped back out.
That's the only way I could but I would watch her like a
hawk.
All those Christmas years that she was alive.
Then once I found out I didn't give a fuck what and watch
but I would watch her like a fucking hawk.
If she was going to the store, what she would bring when
she come back.
I would look through the receipts and I couldn't find the fucking thing
and then Christmas fucking Eve.
There's 20 gifts.
So that's what I think fucked me up.
Once I fucked up, once that scumbag on the corner told me
there wasn't a Santa and must have crushed everything I had
inside as a kid.
There's that.
I always hated getting like for holiday stuff like you have to
get ready and God forbid it's at your house.
You have to help her help her mom get ready and set the table.
I used to hate that stuff.
That was and then and then there's always like a couple people
at the parties that you don't like and then you have to spend
your time avoiding them.
That was what got me everywhere.
I go to something I don't like so I'm used to that shit except
jujitsu and shit like that.
But it just bothers me that because I know I'm not alone.
I know I spoke to a few people and I thought I was the only
one that had it and I faked the funk for years and then over
the years I've heard people mention little things under
their breath like I can't wait till it's over.
You know and even in the Netflix special I talk about the
first year without having my mother that I think back at
that and it's traumatized like it's it's amazing that I made
it through that holiday patch.
Especially that young if it wasn't for the drugs and my
stupidity maybe I would have been dead.
I don't I don't I don't fucking know but I know that first
year when I think back to it when I was writing that joke
and I thought about Gina and I remember just thinking about
that first year without her.
It was like anything else in my life like it was like going
to prison and thinking about not having weed ever again.
Like nothing happened.
Life went on like you always think something bad is going
to happen like when I got set and something I'm going to make
it in there without weed.
I don't need Chinese food.
I need this but I'm always going to need weed.
Next thing you know I didn't smoke weed for six months and
I was doing well.
You know you always think how you're going to make it and
that's that first holiday without that loved one is got
to be one of the roughest fucking patches in your life and
it starts you get that not in your stomach two days before
Thanksgiving.
Doesn't even bother you you think about it but you put it
under the carpet and then two days before Thanksgiving you
get that fucking not and then Thanksgiving you realize that
person's not at the table.
That is terrible that is horrible when you realize that
that person's not at the table and then you go to bed that
night.
You're a little bum but you wake up the next day and there's
fucking Christmas everywhere but you're numb to it.
You're immune to it you got immune to it at the fucking
Thanksgiving table and you go through the motions and you
smile with your girlfriend or your wife.
But at the end of the day you're like I fucking can't wait
for this fucking holiday to be over.
I don't know why Christmas is that holiday and listen you
know there's a lot of ways to seek help you call a friend
the suicide hotlines this just people to talk to but might
go to people my friends man.
When I'm feeling that way and sometimes you don't have to
tell them.
You don't have to call your friends and say you're feeling
shitty just calling somebody and them talking to you for 4 or
5 minutes about generalities unravels things.
You don't have to call me and go Joey I feel like a fucking
asshole I miss my mommy I mean I'll accept that.
But I'd rather you call me and talk to me about something else
and unravel your mind that way because that's what I usually
do when I'm a little stuck I'll call somebody I'll call a
motherfucker to in the morning and I'll unravel with him and then
if he gets to the core of it.
Then I'll tell him like I have a friend Mike Duffy
that I've known since Colorado I've known him since
grammar school really his family his father I met his father
before I knew him.
We've been talking a lot the last couple of days because
we're both hurting over a friend.
He's hurting over his son going into the army and he's all
alone you know.
It's ugly to be 59 and to be all alone in your home you know
a lot of people going through some stuff right now another
dear friend of mine lost his parents this year he's going
through some shit.
You know I saw a dear friend we have a dear friend that's going
through some stuff right now he lost his dad about two
Christmases ago and I see it.
And this year like two of the three people and I'm not spoken
to because I just remember this topic just fucking.
You know I thought about it when I was in New York a lot
about it.
Because it was back in my neighborhood the one day we're
going to the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
We're supposed to turn 86th Street I told the captain who
would drive to turn on 88th Street instead so I could see
my old building and I saw the Christmas holidays.
I saw the Christmas holidays on Amsterdam and as I went to
the Met was when I started thinking about it how.
If it wasn't for my wife and daughter New York it would
just been another day for me.
But since I had my wife and daughter in the car and they
were happy you know you should have seen my daughter's face
at the fucking Radio City Music Hall now.
Would I go to that thing on my own with my wife fuck no
fuck no but even my wife just to see the smile on her face
while she was holding the baby up and the baby would sit next
to me then she would go back and then I passed out for two
fucking hours.
I fell asleep at the Radio City Music Hall Rockets show you
know I'm embarrassed I was when I woke the fuck up.
That's what dads do.
Oh my God I put the 3D glasses on and just passed the fuck
out but.
Just doing that the next day of going to New York and walking
around.
And that's an all those memories came back to me that.
Like I still remember going to the tree with my friends.
Being in like.
13 in the eighth grade.
And lying to my mom telling my mom that we're going to go
somewhere.
And we take the bus over go to the Rockefeller Center go see
the tree and they'd be a bunch of kids singing and me and my
friends would sit there like these fucking momo singing like
you know like I would think to myself not really my friends
as much as I would.
Because I never felt that I never felt the joy to fucking
want to sing.
You know like I don't like that.
So I'm just trying to say is that listen man.
If you don't feel it through the holidays.
You're not alone.
For years I felt.
That I was the only person that was going through this.
And it made me feel fucking terrible inside like it made you
feel like a Scrooge you're not a Scrooge you're just not a
fucking holiday person.
And something must have happened.
You know what happened.
Which makes you know I always tell people one of your parents
died or somebody close to you died sometimes in life it's
like taking salt out of your food.
It's like you still eat food every day but it's not salty.
It doesn't have that flavor to it.
That's what happens.
That's what happens when you lose a loved one.
And a holiday comes that holiday isn't the same because so
I get all that shit.
But what I'm trying to explain to you people is not to feel
bad.
That you're not fucking Elvis Presley jumping up and down
for joy.
It's normal.
You don't have to go see a psychiatrist.
You don't have to go see anything you just because trust me
I beat myself up over this for fucking years.
And I can't tell you how many Christmases I was doing well
that I just fell asleep.
Like I couldn't wait for the holiday because I knew I could
sleep for two or three days.
And then I would get revved up again for New Year's Eve and
I'd be ready to go like I am now like now I'm ready for the
fucking year to start.
Like I'm ready to fucking go.
I want Oxnard to be over do Oxnard tomorrow Friday and
Saturday tonight Friday and Saturday and then fucking
that's it.
And then I got a whole week of waiting.
You got a whole week because this town ain't doing nothing
till Wednesday which is the second.
Right.
Yeah.
Absolutely not.
Nothing's happening.
So for a guy like me.
Yeah.
I got shit to do.
I can write.
I wrote today.
I went to Jiu Jitsu today into the private my man Vinny.
I could do shit.
But it's not the type of action like my or my other action
to shut down.
We could still do the podcast which is great.
I mean we could have taken off.
We took off last week.
We could have taken off but no I wanted somebody especially
this shit this topic where people are feeling this right now
still and they're going to listen to this podcast and go
oh I was I thought I was the only one that felt that way.
No I did this podcast because I wanted you to know that you're
not alone.
There's no chemical imbalance.
There's no nothing.
Some people like broccoli.
Some people don't you know the other day Lee came out of his
mom and they were kind enough to stop at gelsons right and
get cupcakes or something.
Yeah.
And I saw Lee open up a cupcake.
I never saw anything like that in my life.
It was the neatest cupcake.
If you looked at Lee you thought he had a fucking lobster tail
in front of him with a piece of pussy next to it on the side.
I watched the whole cupcake go down but he did it so politely
like he had a paper towel under it.
He had a plan for this cupcake and he took the wrapper off
the cupcake very meticulously.
He didn't want to mess up the frosting and if I'm correct I
think he even used the fork.
Absolutely.
That's how much it was as meticulous as I've ever seen
anybody eat a fucking really I hate there's nothing I hate
more and this is why I think the fly thing bothers me.
I might not be super organized but I hate like getting sticky
or getting stuff on my it drives me bananas.
So the thought of getting like cup because there's like those
bit a lot of frosting on it the thought especially at your
house like not like at my house I could wipe it off or go wash
my hands but it's somewhere somewhere else in front of the
bathroom.
No.
My mom has a joke that when I was a kid.
She could leave me on a towel outside because I didn't like
the feeling of grass on my like it was like it was prickly.
So I don't I don't like all that I don't I don't like frosting
on me out like I don't go and get wings out because I can't
imagine how like very rarely.
I hate it's out.
Yeah.
What do you wings out like if you go out and go to like Buffalo
Wild Wings or a place to get the only place I've got wings
with you is that place and I think it was Austin the hotel
had really good wings but if you look I feel like 18 napkins
in front of me because there's no way I'm leaving out my face
especially around my mom and then your wife and daughter you
don't want to make an ass of yourself.
So you make a ass of yourself doing everything else.
What's the difference between fuck Merry Christmas.
What the between eating the cupcake like it's the last
fucking steak on earth.
My point was that the way you look at that cupcake I didn't
give a fuck about a cupcake I don't give a fuck about cupcakes
but the way you look at that cupcake you meant business.
Absolutely you ripped the things off.
You cut it with a fork you to me I would just eat the cupcake
in two fucking bites because I'm not a Molly.
So that's what I'm trying to say.
We beat ourselves up too much.
We beat ourselves up too much and you're talking to the
King of beat himself up.
Nobody beats themselves up more than I do.
That's why I smoke the weed.
I smoke the weed so I can think about what I did to the fucking
precision and then beat myself up along the fucking way.
Why did this why I said that that's the reason why smoke weed
weed keeps me in check.
It always has always will be it plays the tape back and makes
me remember what I did why I did it and what made me fucking
do it.
So this is what I'm just trying to say to you people that
again the holidays are not for you.
That's fine.
They don't have to be.
There is a holiday that's for you.
Maybe you go fucking bananas during the 4th of July.
Maybe you feel like marching during Martin Luther King Day.
I don't fucking know.
But that's the whole point of this fucking podcast tonight
that and something else.
The thing that might made my dick hard today was that Sunday
Christmas Eve.
I had to go to the other side of town and I stopped in CVS
and I got my fucking day planner for 2019 and I got my notebook
for 2019 even though I didn't need it.
And it's so weird that to me right now today.
It's 2019 and I'll tell you something if you want to get
anything accomplished next year you should be playing right
now like it's 2019 already.
Right now you're shooting pool.
You're putting the balls you're setting up the field for
your 2019 to be easier.
I already started writing my goals to 2019 already starting
to figure out how I want to do things.
I talked to the book agent told them where I was.
You know I'm already setting up like Lee that's what I did
today.
I talked to a few agents today.
I mean I am the type of guy that in my mind it's 2019.
I want everybody to know that you ain't going to wait to the
15th of the month when you're fucking with me.
We go right to work Wednesday the second right to work.
We go right to work like nothing happened.
There's nothing I could do before that nothing you could do.
You're just going to be calling an empty fucking phone.
I bumped into somebody the other night some girl at the
comedy store something that she was asking me if I knew who
wanted a job I go now is not the time of the year.
And then she goes well also trying to get an agent I go
again now is not the time of the year.
She goes I'm going to go on Thursday and put on a bunch
envelopes I go to who a bunch of dead people they're not coming
back to the 7th and to top it off mentally they're not going
to be there till you have to imagine the 10th or the 11th.
There's not going to be no mental you're still thinking
about the holidays and what you spent and flying back and
your kid got sick and your cat vomited and you know so you
have so many fucking things that are on your mind this part
this different parts of the year where you're thinking of
things me I'm not doing anything but I am doing something.
I'm setting up my year.
I am setting up my year and this is the same thing.
I'm no smarter than you fucking guys.
This is the same thing you motherfuckers should be doing.
Yeah tomorrow you have work Friday you have work start
thinking about this at work start thinking about this
tomorrow instead of watching TV go for a walk take a pad
and a piece of pen for you and figure out what things you
want to do next year.
What things are you sick and fucking tired and not doing
that you need to fucking do already I've been on it like
already I'm starting to do this shit already I told you
nobody beats themselves up more than I do.
Last night I got up at 4 in the fucking morning.
I stayed up for about 35 minutes I got so high I had to go
right back to bed I'm not gonna lie about it.
I got some tremendous fucking we that took a picture of it
tonight I got so fucking high last night I went back to bed
to eight in the morning.
I went to bed about 10 last night.
Damn that is good week quarter to 10 I was out fucking cold.
And I got up at 4 wide awake with a thousand things to write.
I got up I peed I made a fucking cup of coffee.
I thought I was gonna have to stay up.
I'm just gonna stay up and go to jujitsu 11 with Vinny and
dog I went in the back of smoke this fucking weed and I got
so high I'm like oh my God even with the coffee I got to go
back to bed and I went back in that bedroom I put my head
down and my heart was beat like oh I'm not gonna fall asleep
next thing I opened up there was 758 I like it I got a fucking
couple hours in me I'm rested but I when I woke up I looked
over what I wrote and it was my goals.
Like personal goals weight goals comedy goals you know like
all that time I started writing down like comedy for example
you know I want to do 20 weeks and I want to shoot a special
and I want to write something different for a special and I
started writing down what things I had to do to do that right
an hour a day get on stage five times a week.
You know I put down that I want to go down to 265 that's
21 pounds you know I wrote how am I going to do that by
watching my points by being careful with the edibles and
smoking weed and going crazy at night with the fucking
munchies I pretty much little by little lemonade everything
out of the house at night late night except for the fucking
two-point Jello puddings those Jello puddings are two points
I can eat those all fucking bad night I can eat two and I was
gonna fucking good and nobody gets that feelings or carpet
Cosby gets a nickel you know and everybody's already can buy
fucking vizine for his glossy eyeballs and shit so you can
fucking try to rape somebody in prison that for best.
And yeah if you're not getting your 219 an order your fucking
slip you really are like you should already have your
notebook you should already just start writing down if you
want to go to college what you want to do while you're in
college with things you want to look at anybody can write that
gold's down this is what I learned from writing gold's down
that anybody can write yeah I want a Mercedes but how are you
gonna get a Mercedes yeah I want a new wife how are you gonna
get a new wife once you write that how out that's where the
power comes from it's like when you lift weights you don't lift
weights you don't gain strength from the push it's from the
pullback from how you resist it's the same thing with gold's
when you write your gold's down I love when people send me
gold's and they're like I want to do this I want to be an
astronaut I want to make a million dollars you tell me how
you make a million dollars what is your plan if you write it
out to the fucking T as crazy as this sounds I swear to God
as crazy as this fucking sounds when it happens you will go
back and look over this thing and it won't be exactly how you
said it was gonna happen but it'll be pretty fucking close
because a man without a plan is not a man so write it out
you know I wrote out that I want to do a new special I wanted
to be centralized around the story and then jokes coming from
that story if I'm a good story tell I got to utilize these
things and it was so weird how already from doing I didn't
write the story I wanted to say anything but from writing out
the story and the way I want to attack it I filled out like
three quarters of a page you're gonna notice that you your own
mind will tell you what you already know years ago I told
you everybody buys an iPhone and an iPad you I have the answers
to your fucking problems you just don't want to fucking look
at them and be honest with yourself that's what being
grounded really really comes in you have to look at yourself
and go these are my fucking shortcomings and there's nothing
I can do about it these are my shortcomings and there's
nothing I can fucking do about it what am I gonna do well I
can either let them be shortcomings or I could work on
them and they're still gonna be shortcomings but they're gonna
be a little stronger and that's what I did this year with a
lot of different situations and for some reasons for some
things that work for me and for some things that didn't it's
me being as grounded as I can number one I have you guys to
keep me in check number two I talked to my friends at home
every fucking day they keep me in check I never want to forget
about who the fuck I am and if I'm slipping I should know
because of the results when you're slipping you know because
of the results you're getting I did three spot I stayed on
stage for two weeks I went on stage Saturday which is the
fucking disaster and I went on stage twice Sunday there were
both disasters the timing was off the jokes were off
everything was fucking off I know this so yesterday that night
when I got home Sunday obviously I went to the drawing board
a little bit but Monday Christmas Eve wasn't I really
realized the mistakes I had made and there was nothing you
could do it was called ring rust and laziness that's what
happened it was ring rust and laziness not lazy because I
didn't get on stage you should always give it a breather
especially would stand up especially after you've gone
through a long stretch to get rid of the bad mistakes you're
doing when I was a basketball player had a bad mistake I used
to do I would grab the rebound and then throw it down and
then go up when you grab a rebound you don't put the ball
down you go right back up with it so for years I made this
horrible mistake sometimes on stage you make mistakes you
stick on to a saying you shouldn't be saying there's
something in your jokes that you shouldn't be saying I promise
myself that when I went to New York I was gonna look over my
jokes and rewrite them get rid of the Terry Crew stuff get a
new clothes or when I went back to New York between not feeling
well and always being on the move I didn't really have a
chance to look over it when I got back I looked over it for
two days but it wasn't sufficient time to go on stage and
prepare my main excuse for myself I'm telling you the
reasons why I fail I know when I fail on stage and I try to
correct it so when I go out in front of the big stages like
this week and I'm fucking prepared for that a lot of people
can't deal with that a lot of people don't like when people
say something to them about them me on the type of person I
don't like somebody to say something to me about it I should
feel it I should know it I should see what the fuck is going
on so this is just a couple things just to get you to 19
started if life hasn't been going your way maybe start taking
some advice maybe start asking people for help you know you
know just because it works for fucking Lee doesn't mean it's
gonna work for you just because it works for Joey Diaz doesn't
mean that's gonna work for you just because it means it works
for you doesn't mean it's gonna work for Joey Diaz but I will
tell you one thing that works constantly and that's writing
down your goals and that's yearly quarterly and monthly and
if you really want to push it go weekly I do all four I do what
I want from the year and I look back at what I wanted from
this year and let me tell you something I got everything except
two guest spots on TV shows I went for four I got two so I
was halfway there you know I looked at how many times I
auditioned I didn't even have the opportunity to fucking book
two other ones because I only went out for like three other
fucking shows all year I only went on seven auditions this
year compared to what 10 years ago
240 Wow
and I'm going with three theatrical auditions a week and
two commercial auditions a week
so now I'm going with 12 theatrical right and fucking eight
commercials
so I would I would I would do 20 auditions a month from 1997
to 2007
that was pretty much the fucking
that was pretty much it
especially for a guy like me
especially after the Sopranos
how many fucking opportunities opened up
I went on seven fucking auditions this year
unless something changes the next four fucking days
unless you guys know I got two movies two movies offered to
me thank you very much the people offered them to me but
there were movies that were both out of state and I had
already prior fucking commitments
but that's how slow the TV movie business has been for me
but I put four guest stars on four different shows and I got
to I put a special down
I put 20 weeks of work down
I put the right 30 new minutes of material
I did all
so do you put the ones that you missed on next year
next year is next year next year I want something different
okay so for next year I want something different
no you never tag on next year you want a different set of fucking
goals every year is something different and it's
I want you to when you're writing your goals
yeah you want life goals and you want success goals
but I'll tell you what the page is that should be even bigger
is your personal goals
weight attitude you know
all that shit that goes in there with it I started doing
that one about 10 years ago
well maybe about seven years ago and I started lighting up
I could feel my life lightning up a little bit once I started
writing because it's important it's important to notice stress
it's important to notice pressure
it's important to notice unhappiness
it's important to notice so many things
as they touch your life
so you don't absorb them
do you follow I'm saying to you
frustration with your job you
you ever have a job and you you go to work early every day
and you know what man I want a promotion
and also some guy comes in he's got a college degree
and he gets a promotion
that's frustration you know what quit your fucking job
because they already touched you with frustration
it's going to grow inside of you
you're going to continue to go to that job see that boss see
that guy yeah he might get fine then you might get the job
but they didn't want to give you the job in the first place
so you don't really want to be there situations like that
when things touch you
that's it
because if they touch you and you feel that
it's only going to get worse for you
you know on happiness
you know uneasiness
if you're stressed out by a job like you fucking the 80 hours a
week and they don't tell you what to do and you know
they want results all those little things
they take away from your fucking who you are
you don't know it and you don't see that 20 and 30 near the
die I see it now I see how happy I am now
that once I notice it
the neck hair stick up
and you either could proceed
or step back if you proceed
you're going to get the same results you always got the rest
of your fucking life
if you step back
you might lose a little bit of money you might lose a little
bit of fucking
work but you know what you gain peace of mind and you gain
two years on your fucking life
which is the most important fucking thing at the end of the
fucking you know it's so weird but I
this is why again it's a joke
but I fucking hated that whole thing of 30 years ago
because 30 years ago
if you would ask me my goals
the first one I would write down would be money
money money money money money
I wanted money I wanted money I didn't have a reason why I
wanted I didn't know how I was going to make it
I just the number one thing would be money
not to keep up with the Joneses so I could do coke and drive
a test of Rosa
and about
15 years ago
I found the happiness of life
and even though me and my wife
lived in a one bedroom apartment with six cats
and the apartment smell like cat piss
we had air conditioner we had cable TV we had a microwave
the refrigerator was always filled with food
and that's the first time that I gained real happiness in my
life on my own
and I still remember sitting on that we not even have a couch
what's that shit the futon
we had a futon like broke we had a crazy glue put two by
12s in it
you know it was like Ralphie's Ralphie broke everybody's
futon no in town or everybody everybody had a futon and
broke it Ralphie broke it
from
the guy that opened this little doors up to us the boxer
but I still got to get on the podcast Medina
so there was a Gavin Boyd's
he broke Gavin Boyd's fucking whatever and he broke somebody
else's he broke like three or four of those fucking
from that futon in Hollywood
that was the first time I haven't looked around
we had an apartment bro that if there was an earthquake the
walls with there was an earthquake once when I lived in
that building and I could hear the bricks hitting each other
it was the scariest building in the world it's hell they
retrofitted it
but all we need is a 3.5 earthquake and that buildings
going down it didn't matter
I remember sitting on the couch with one of the cats at that
time I was doing coke
I was still doing coke when I remember I was saying you know
what
I'm a lot happier now than when I was
ten years ago and I don't have
three quarters of the shit I want
but I had a girlfriend that cared for me
I had these cats that I loved
and I had a semi little comedy career
going out the comedy store
I was working
I was acting
I was like fuck I just shot this with James Coburn I just
did this
you know
I was happy
and there was no money there was no money there was maybe
80 bucks in an ATM account
and my wife had
six or seven hundred functioning dollars for the house
that you know we wrote a check we would bounce it just like
anybody else in America
you know just like anybody else in America
you know
so it's just really weird that I remember going wow I have
$80 in the checking account and I have a checking account
life ain't that bad
and this whole time I thought I needed a million dollars
you don't you don't
I'd rather you have a job that you enjoy
three people that you like around you
a home that suits your needs you know
yeah everybody wants a house the fucking butler who likes
your cigarettes and you could walk around naked and there's
15 chicks hanging upside down with that mouth open
that's all great and fucking dandy but how many of us could
really get that none of us so
we get the bedroom we got whatever the fuck we want
and that's happiness
it's not
half the shit that you right now you're young
and you're thinking this guy drives this and this guy drives
that listen
doesn't really fucking matter what you drive at the end
because when you're in that fucking casket
do you think they're gonna sit around you and go he drove
a fucking Lamborghini always like no
they're all gonna sit around you and go what a poop bastard
or you are
for drinking milk and you got a heart attack fucking somebody
on Viagra with the fuck you think I was dumb
and that's it and that's that man that's what I wanted to talk
about I wanted to talk about the feelings that we get around
this time of the year
and how for years I felt shitty about him
and at the end of the day they don't matter
it's just not your cup of tea
and I wanted to talk about prepping
for the next year
if you ain't fucking prepping
you're slipping
so please once you listen to this podcast
before the weekend starts you've been having some rough times
in your life
maybe the opioids maybe a fucking animal died maybe a love
one died maybe
you got five maybe have to switch careers you know what
right yourself out of this chair
you don't need to be Hemingway trust me I'm no fucking
Hemingway
I've written myself out of these jams by just sitting down
being honest with that notebook
hey if you scare this I hide this notebook that I have hidden
I have a notebook
what do you have in your notebook I have shit that I just
writing there from time to time
I want one person to find it
my wife will know how to find it she doesn't know about it
but she'll know how to find it
and I've told her about it so when she finds it
she's gonna know exactly what it is
is it like a diary
no it's a notebook that I write to my daughter
oh okay
it's a book that I write to mercy
I try to write there three times a week
and I compare our lives
I tell how strong she is how well she's doing
I try to tell the one I was doing at my age at that life
you know I try to tell different things
so she never feels like I feel
growing up if something happens to my parents
I want her to know
who I was through my own words
you know
just something from watching sons of Hanukkah
you know he has a great idea
my copy from sons of Hanukkah I thought it was a great idea
then like that you really know
you don't hear nothing you you get to read their thoughts
reading some of these thoughts are very important
you know
social media social media
if you
there's times I write what's in my heart on social media
but there's times I really can't
because people lose their fucking minds
is it hard to be that honest with with the notebook
no you have to be honest with something
you have to be honest with something
like I said I have the hidden notebook and I have like two other notebooks
and I'm honest with all three of those notebooks
because otherwise it can't work I would assume
no it will not work
when I get home from that set when I get home at night
there's one more page I write in my notebook
and that's how my day went
how my workout went how the podcast went
where I want the podcast to go
you know I ate too much fish for dinner
but at least you're getting it on paper
nothing is more powerful than the fucking pen the power of the pen
and I'll sit here for 200 podcasts a year
and I'll tell people that the pen
is the end of all their fucking problems
because it was the end of all my problems
nothing really moved forward till I started writing
and once I started writing about the past and reading it
then I really launched
then I really took off and I and I'm not a dog
I took no writing classes in college
I took nothing I don't know nothing I know how to tell a story
but telling a story and writing a story
are two different fucking things
so there's times I write like I talk
and I wake up the next morning and it's fucking three pages of garbage
because I write like I talk
I could writing a story and telling a story
is two different fucking things
but writing the truth
is a fucking huge thing on a piece of paper
about how you did
about a certain behavior
about something you said
about a lie you told
once you clear it up on paper
somebody's gonna find that someday
somebody might not find that someday
it doesn't matter
you came clean
coming clean is good for the soul
coming clean is good to move ahead
and coming clean is phenomenal for comedy
because you empty all that shit out of your head
because once you tend to become a comedian
it's like me every day
I sprinkle fucking grass seeds in your head
and you gotta figure out what works for you and what doesn't
if not you'll die of bombings
which you die of anyway
you know I did the same thing
but this teaches you how to die less bombings
by having a notebook
you know like I said
the artist way years ago 20 years ago
was a big hot book there
and I asked somebody what it was
that says when you wake up in the morning
write a blank piece of paper
write your thoughts out
write all that babble out of your head
I had been doing it already
I'm like I can't believe
that I've been doing what they recommended here
and it works
honestly it sounds like the reason why I like therapy
is just to get those thoughts out of your head
and you're able to do it just
in a different way
like do you ever speak it when you're writing it
or it's all very quiet
it's all in my head
sometimes I'll be laying down
sometimes I'll be in a conversation
thinking about how I'm gonna write it
and sometimes I'll be in a room with my wife
watching the TV show
and we should be focusing on the show
but I'm thinking about how I'm gonna write this thing down
that I just thought about
and where it's gonna be placed
how do you feel if you don't get to do this
generally
I'll feel irritated for a few days
until I get it out
because sometimes I'll just get caught up in the moment
like everything else
now forget to write it
like having a joke before you go to sleep at night
and thinking that you're gonna remember in the morning
there's no worse feeling
than laughing in bed
at two in the morning
and going fuck
let me turn on the light and write this down
and go pfft
that motherfucker was so funny
I remember what the fuck I said in the morning
and when you wake up in the morning listen
I'll give you two thousand dollars if you remember
you ain't gonna remember shit
unless you write it the fuck down
or tell somebody
now I just get up and write it down
because I've lost so many wars
over not getting up and writing a stupid joke
or just writing a key word from the joke
or something you know
hey whatever
whatever floats your boat man
we're all different here
I do this podcast to let you know
it's okay to be fucked up
it's not okay to be fucked up
and living fucking denial
it's okay to be fucked up and say
you know what
I'm fucked up
I got good days and I got bad days like everybody else
that's why I do this fucking podcast
just like you guys
we all fucking put our pants on one leg at a time
and we all bleed when we get cut
so that's it and that's that
it's a church of what's happened now
on a Thursday afternoon
if you're not doing anything tonight
tomorrow or Saturday night
myself Lee
I'm gonna fucking
gay fire ball of death
Eric Rocher
will be fucking kicking ass up there
up at the fucking Levity Live
and that's if you're not doing nothing
if you got plans you know me
you gotta live and let live
I'll catch the next time
I do a lot of spots around town
but if you ain't doing dick and you're bored
and you want to smell some reefer
and see how some fucking savages live
whether you live in Ventura
Santa Barbara
Pismo Beach
Pismo Beach
come on down cocksuck
cause we'll be sparking
we're doing a whole fucking thing
I'm bringing some special edibles for Lee
we got these 500 milligram fucking brownies
they're stronger than death
you understand me
at least the one that George gave you
don't worry about who gave it to me
no names you understand me
no names you never say no fucking names
don't worry about who gave it to you
and we got like 10 more that we gotta eat by the end of the weekend
you understand me
so the rest of the weekend we're splitting
every night 500 milligrams
we're going deeper and deeper
old school you understand me
cause every once in a while
I gave up the edibles
but this edibles reads with me
I gotta be honest with you
when have you ever given up the edibles
you just have less
I gave up edibles for like 3 months
then I ate a piece in Boston
what happened to no names?
and one night on the way home what happened to what?
what happened to no names?
no names
George showed up no names
and he gave me this and it sat in the closet
and one night I was sitting there
it was like 9.30
let me buy the bit off
I bit a bit off
I got so fucked up
and I gave it away
I gave it to a friend of mine
he told me the next time I saw him
he was like Jesus Christ
and he found another one
and then my man dropped 5 off on me the other day
I had to give one to my buddy
he got to pay the Vegas
and I gave 2 to my other buddy
and I kept 2
and then last night he came up
my man dropped off a fucking box
to make sure we're covered for fucking Oxnard
so there's no misunderstandings
you understand me
thank goodness we wouldn't want that to happen
and they even got a little CBD all in there
I put a little extra something
it was crunchy at some point
I knew you were going to get it
I got to hook you up
I got to take good care of you
don't even ask what I gave you
even if you go for the drug test
I was going to say I'll just drug test myself
they won't find it, they won't be in there
but yo we'll be back Monday
New Year's Eve
ready to say bon voyage
to 2019 it was a good year
you got your health
you got a friend
and you got us man
before we fucking check out of here
you know me dog
I don't care what size business you got
whether it's small, big, 10 employees
12 employees, 20 employees
hiring employees is tough
you know
and you got to be smart with it
where you going to get your employee
from job boards that send you candidates
that aren't qualified
for the road you posted
on job boards that send you a mile high stack
of resumes to sort through
or job boards that make you wait
you know listen
you know what smart is
smart is going to ziprecruiter.com
slash church
to hire the right person
unlike most other job sites
ziprecruiter
finds qualified candidates
for you
it's a powerful matching technology
that scans thousands of resumes
to identify people with the right skills
education
and experience
and actively invites them to apply
to your specific job
so you get
the qualified candidates
mucho rapido
that means fast
because time is money
you know that as a business owner
that's why ziprecruiter is rated number one
by employers in the U.S.
and this rating comes
from hiring sites on trust parlor
with over a thousand reviews
do you understand what I'm trying to say to you
you posted job on several online job boards
you get nothing
you get nothing
then you got to sort through the resumes
you get nothing
and you get the wrong resume
ziprecruiter.com
slash church
that's the way to go
you understand me
the technology is the best
and right now
the church family
I'm going to get you ziprecruiter for free
you're like Joey how could this be
I got a small business
ziprecruiter.com
slash church
CHURCH
if you love the show
and you want to support us
and help us out
and help yourself by getting a tremendous employee
go to ziprecruiter.com
slash church
that's CHURCH
that's ziprecruiter.com
slash church
we're just talking about you getting your fucking life together
it's 2019
when is it going to fucking end
and this goes for me too
you understand me
I get my little slipping points to them
I got to lie to you
because I do it every other month
to give my brain a
alpha brain is the way to go
write your fucking goals down
get your fucking alpha brain listen
alpha brain is so good
it's on its flagship supplement
it's so good they believe in it
that if you get alpha brain
they don't help you out
it does that
tell me nobody
go to honor.com right now and suppress it
church boom
and get 10% off delivery right to the crib
right there no drama
no nothing
and I'm not talking about just supplements
I'm talking about kettlebells weighted vest
I'm talking about club bats
I'm talking about shroom tech sports
shroom tech immune
I'm talking about tremendous protein
I'm talking about things that will change your life
go to honor.com right now
and press in church
and get 10% off your first order
delivered right to your door
I want to thank ziprecruiter.com
slash church and honor.com
slash church for sponsoring
the church of what's happened now
but most importantly
I want to thank you guys for having my back
having Lee's back
and that's it and that's that
it's fucking Thursday
go out there sling some dick
do it over the weekend
nobody wants to spend the second and the third
the fucking January
when rent is due
in the fucking hospital
because you want to go to a stupid party
get your fucking loads out this weekend
and mind your business
we'll be back Monday morning
New Year's fucking Eve
6am ready to rock
tip top
take this motherfucking mule Lee
go off the hunt and hide just around
I don't make smile to the birds
and I'm a man
I know you got another man
but I could love you better than him
take my stand
don't be afraid
I'm gonna prove in the world I say
I'm amputated to love for free
so you can please don't have to be
when they come along and downpours together
I ain't nothing but this little love
don't think let me lie to candle calls
I'm show all to hunt and hide just around
yeah
all to hunt and hide
oh baby
baby
here I am
I'm a man on your scene
I can give you what you want
but you got to come home with me
I forgot some good old love
and I got some going store
when I get through throwing on you
I'm gonna run and back home
when they come along and downpours together
I ain't nothing but this little love
baby don't think let me lie to candle calls
I'm show all to hunt and hide just around
all
all to hunt and hide
oh yeah
yeah
all
all to run and downpours together
I ain't nothing but this little love
baby don't think let me lie to candle calls
I'm show all to hunt and hide just around
yeah
all to hunt and hide
oh yeah
oh yeah
oh baby
baby
baby
oh yeah
oh yeah
you