Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #652 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: January 25, 2019

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Two days ago. Maybe Saturday. Maybe Friday. What they're gonna do is quip starts at $25 If you go to get quip comm slash Joey right now You're gonna get your first refill pack for free. That's your first refill pack for free at get quip comm slash Joey kick that mule Lee Church what's happening now Thursday the 24th 2019 coming at you bad motherfucker Oh

Shit, we think you're dealing with it's the flying Jew and your uncle Joey old-school motherfucker Get up cock suckers it's Thursday. It's never too late I Never too late motherfuckers Even if you started a resolution you already fucked it up listen restart it again You know I'm saying that's why I don't like resolutions if I want to do something a new year I started December so there's no pressure. So by January it sticks. You follow me Anyway, it's Thursday the 24th. I hope you guys are doing well today. I get emails a lot

I get a I don't have the Gmail page no more because I lost it, you know every time I like I got a new computer The fucking code disappeared or something and then there was a point where I had two Gmail pages And I don't get to I don't have them at all no more now So if you send messages to the Gmail and I haven't gotten back to you It's not because I don't like it because I don't even know how to get them no more They're fucking disappeared, but I do find a lot of Facebook Messenger pages and On regular Facebook a lot of fucking people have been hitting me up lately And yeah, it's a lot of like, you know, we saw this we saw that

We went to see you were going to see you but it's also a lot of questions a lot of questions about like growth and the one thing People have the hardest problem with that we all did listen you know is decisions It's the decision to do something Stick with it and believe in it You know when I get these emails I look at them and people like well, I got this offered to me and it's not about

It's not Korea it's not comedy questions They're career questions there. They're drug choices there when I say drug choices somebody who's trying to get off drugs Okay, so it's as you know, they they they saw something they came to a reality and they hit me up Because they want to tell me they clean 11 days or something like that. These are all great things. I love all this kind of stuff But the thing I I see that people struggle with the most so I thought about it for a few weeks and I wrote about it, you know, and it's making that decision because there's the moment of reality. There's the moment of

Okay, I've been doing this for this long and it's gotten me nowhere. What is my next step? Do I quit what I'm doing? Do I go to something else? Do I move on to something else? How much longer do I give this is the number one question that people have? Dog, you don't think I had it. It was crazy, you know, and I started this at 28th so at 35 when I was broke Everybody else had money around them and I'm still fucking living like a fucking bumpy, you know, like, you know and the mouth And I'm still a sort of an open mic with 95 seven years later. So

Or 90 whatever the fuck I'm trying to say to you people it's The decision to do something stick with it is Fucking hard It's hard. It's hard to go. Okay. I'm gonna quit my job where I get 600 a week 800 a week 1200 a week insurance To do a commission job that yeah, I can make 200,000 a year But the first six months, I'm gonna live below my means. Well, you put away some money

And then you'll send me well Joey, what if it what if I don't start making money after six months? Then don't take the job because you already lost in your mind You already lost in your mind You know when you when you take those type of leaps There's a lot of things to consider when you're single who gives a fuck go for it if it fails You fail it's on your shoulders and you start all over again. You can fucking bounce off in that shit It's when you're married and have somebody else on your shoulders and have a child that those decisions are tough, you know Now is when we talk about the comedy aspect of it

Because I can pay the comedy aspect any other thing whether it's it's a job or anything You know, how long do you stick with it before you tell you know, how long do you stay at McDonald's? How long would you stay at McDonald's if you started working at McDonald's at 18? To help you go through college. How long do you stay at McDonald's for? You know, you stay at McDonald's until one day you sound not mopping this fucking floor no more Because what are the promotions at McDonald's? I mean you're in the back You're in the front and you become an assistant manager Then they move you then they give you a store 82,000 miles from your house

That you're a manager at, you know, everything has a breaking point. I Got I have friends. Yeah, let's still have this same job that they've had since they quit high school But I know that sometimes they hurt because they wanted to do something else But at the same time they couldn't because they had a wife and kids You know, it's it's it's not easy To make a life-changing decision when you have wife and kid that takes real balls But that also takes belief. That's the second part of the common

conversation So you realize something, you know, what if Let's be honest in 2011 whatever the fuck I Was not sad. I was not angry. I was not depressed. I just Didn't think I Could

Do what everybody else had done I never saw myself playing a theater I Saw myself headlining. I was headlining a lot of rooms But I wasn't really a headliner and I took some time off before I went to the store And I remember I said, you know what if I'm not gonna do the store and I'm just gonna go on the road or rogan I gotta give myself a homework assignment Every week I'm happy I did this and every week on Thursday night I would drive to the fucking Irvine Improv And I would sneak in the back and I would sit there with sometimes I put sunglasses on it was the creepiest shit

I ever did and I watched every headliner for about nine to ten months From Greg Haraldo to the big black dude that died got arrested. So I Watched Ralphie. I watched everybody. I could that I hadn't seen Jim gaffer. Anybody who played the Irvine Improv that year I Watched and on the drive home. I came to the conclusion that I was fake headlining like I was a fake headliner I had to figure out something to Put my jokes together. Now that was just another comic-telling jokes between Greg Haraldo Ralphie

The big black guy there was a lot of comics where I went home thinking about their act Even if I didn't like them personally or whatever at least I learned something from them that I had to do Oh, yeah, oh Yeah, can't imagine that they talked about this at the Irvine Improv and I Knew that I had a fucking do something with my life, but I'll tell you what I didn't want to put the work in I'm not gonna lie to you guys I was like right now at this point in my life I'm happy. I'm booking commercials. I'm booking TV shows. My friends have TV shows. They give me

between the rogue and work fucking The work that I get the commercials I book I Can make a simple living like I mean it wouldn't be a hundred grand But I can make a simple living and what a job I can make make a hundred grand Let me fucking happy and shit to me that that You know, I'm not doing coke. I'm not on jets. I'm not out party. I don't give a fuck I was pretty content with that. I really was I

the reality was that I Had done movies I've done TV shows and I hadn't moved the meter on my stand-up The meter on my stand-up had not moved and hey It happens For some people do one line in a fucking movie and the next week they're selling out theaters that didn't happen for me at all and I saw the movie thing and I saw the TV thing and The recurring and it still just wasn't moving and I didn't know how to make it move I had no idea how to make it move and in February 18th this year Ari's doing a show

at the Comedy store Monday the 18th and Tuesday's my birthday February 19th, and I asked Ari Why was he doing that show and he goes because it was the ninth anniversary of The first time we did the storyteller show in the lab in the back of the improv And I go it was nine fucking years ago was me Mark Marin and Somebody else I forget who else was it it was and it was in the back and there was maybe 30 or 40 people back there And I wasn't a go up there and tell a certain story

But while I was sitting there, I thought about the wall story. I was gonna take it for the wall me and Joe for garage on lubes and inflicting the cigarette in the shirt I just told the whole thing and how it led up and that's when storytelling came out So think about it. I was ready to quit doing comedy on the road Because I needed something to tie together the pieces. If not, I wouldn't have grown And next thing, you know, storytelling comes along And that was the piece I needed at the time. I didn't know my stories were gonna work I didn't know people gonna

tune into them But I jumped on that bandwagon and it lifted my stand up a little bit so Not it wasn't that I was quitting it's that I came to realization That if I went on the road, I was like on the road for 30 people a night Yeah, people knew me from the Rogan podcast and people knew me from fucking the longest yard doing shit like that But I wouldn't have come to that Opportunity which that's what it was. It was an opportunity that opened up storytelling. Oh my god

Now I've been telling these stories to these comics for years Whenever I went to New York with Rogan, I would point to different places and they would go Why don't you talk about these on stage? I go because nobody wants to fucking hear them But that's the direction I took That was the decision I took and now if you come watch me I'm kind of a storyteller who tells jokes but at least The joke has an explanation with the story or the story has an explanation for the joke

So I had that gap in the road Because everybody told me was television and film I attacked that and the answer was right in front of me And it was the work I had to put in so now I had to start sitting down and writing stories and thinking about shit and Asking my friend my friend stupid fucking questions and they're going Why are you asking me these questions and I bring up a story and then they add another story to it? And it was a really great process that I went to but going back to realization like I was running around a muck till 1984 and Then 1984 I came to a lot of realizations

I came to the realization That I was a fucking moron. I Came to the realization that I was a drug addict not really I didn't come to that realization I was a drug addict at that point. I just had a realization that I was a fucking moron and Be that I wasn't gonna do anything in my life that I was done I gave up at the age of 21 years old. I was like I'm just gonna be a fucking piece of shit in a bum and then we're gonna get nowhere and it was because of Five years had gone by and I hadn't done that with my life

I thought that the world was gonna hand you something See, I thought the world was gonna hand me like a union book and I was gonna make $23 an hour and drive a Corvette It didn't work that way And then after that realization came wasn't the drugs came in and then thanks to God I met a I bumped into an old friend and he took me to a meeting and that's when I realized I was addicted or whatever the fucking words they use or whatever and I got clean but 84 Was the realization period in my life when I realized that Jesus Christ I'm not gonna do none of this shit and

Then I started getting the pieces together and I got until at Colorado Mountain College And even while I was taking classes, I would say to myself. Why am I taking these classes? I'm never gonna get no way with them and I kept taking the classes and I kept signing up for semesters And I'm like, why am I paying a hundred and eighty on wall because if you know anything about me I like knowledge. I want to keep learning just because I dropped out didn't mean I didn't want to keep learning I just wasn't the situation. I couldn't go to school And then next year, you know, I get in trouble and I moved to Boulder and I joined continuing and in Boulder And after two years in Boulder, they come to me and they go, hey

You could transfer into our school now here. I am a fucking high school dropout and the University of Colorado thinks I have a fucking Dr. A high school diploma I don't know who told them that and they're allowing me to go into the fucking college and I'm sitting there going This cannot be fucking happening But I'm gonna actually go into this fucking college Then they sent me the they said yeah, come in and fill out an application. I went down there You're gonna take the application home and fill it out. I lied everywhere I was gonna say that it probably says high school diploma

Yeah, and they said you got to send it in and I fucking lied and they sent it in Then they said we'll admit you at the high school diploma So then I kept going back and forth with them that I couldn't find it my high school couldn't find it I had to make calls like principles that I knew you know out of school and I would talk to me go listen if University of Colorado calls Tell them I have a diploma and then one of them said why don't we just print one up and Fake it and I mean I had a thousand options But that was one of the principal said that one of my high school principals with on the bar

He was out of there. He never died. He goes we could get you one and just put your name in there I mean, it was hilarious And I was like, that's not a bad idea. Let me get back to you then all that fucking bullshit. I got arrested Well So when I got arrested I was forced to go in there tell the counselor the truth and Tell them that I was gonna get my GED and he didn't give a fuck. He was like, that's fine We'll get your GED We'll admit you the same way we were with a high school diploma because I was part of Latino plan, but

This is not even where I ended up It's so crazy that yeah Once I got into the University of Colorado guys and I started taking classes the weirdest thing happened I realized that Just say what I want to do anyway What am I what what am I gonna get out of this? Any degree I get I can't get a job in it But the original plan was to go back to the original plan was to go back to New York and get a job on Wall Street

Now that I got the families I can't even go back to I can't get a job on Wall Street So I had one option to go back and sell windows doors and sashes for a door company out of Richfield Park, New Jersey That was my option. They probably don't require a college degree They just wanted you to sell they knew my situation They knew I was a good salesman. They just wanted me to fucking sell But that didn't sound like fun to you It was like 60 a gear to start plus bonuses in the car It sounded great for a guy like me at that situation it sounded great

But I had also had another thought in between all of that That scared the fuck out of me. Everybody has a fear There's some people have a fear growing old There's some people when you're young there's some people have fears of different things. I'm not talking about heights and stuff I'm talking about situations. Some people have fear of Staying with somebody for a long time. I don't know what that's called My fucking fear From the age of 20 to 35 was that I wasn't gonna amount anything

Every time Up to the age of 35 every time I saw an old guy with a rock t-shirt on And a ponytail I got a knot in my fucking stomach Every time I saw a guy Who was old and Was doing a youngsters job like a hard carrier or Or like a I don't know It scared me

It would fucking petrify me Because that was the person I rather kill myself Before I'd become a 50 year old that worked at subway sandwich I'm not I have nothing against 50 year olds and I have nothing in subway sandwich But just the fact of a 50 year old me Working at subway sandwich with 220 year olds that are in college Talking about how cool I was at who I hung out with on the Sunset Strip and I met Richard Pryor one time I didn't think that was kosher. I didn't think that was gonna fly for me

I would have hated myself So I knew I had to do something Before I got fucking old like that was my biggest fear That was my biggest fear was not amounting to anything at least at this company. I could be a salesman get a pension and Maybe in six or seven years be the leader of the of the sales force and Maybe after that go and train salesmen at places at corporations or that was the plan then Like that was the plan that was it. That's all I had when I got out of prison. That's all I had

but the thing that scared me the most was retiring at 65 and getting a watch and Working for a company for 40 years and one day just stopping Like that scared the shit out of me, too But nothing like just being like a 50 year old That lives with two other guys. He's still smoking pot. He still has a ponytail. I'd still be doing blow Nothing scared me more than that. That's what I did not want to be So by the age of 35 I was fucking fighting hard

To not end up like that So in 1995 which I was 32 years old. I decided fucking I'm going for comedy This is what I'm gonna do. I tried the college thing. I tried the family thing. I tried the dad thing I'm not good at any of these things Comedy might be the way to fucking go and once I went for it. I did not look back at all guys I could tell you one thing from the bottom of my heart. I didn't look back for two reasons I had nothing to look back for and I had nowhere else to go

Right now Lee has a mom Lee could tell me the night to go fuck myself And he could go back to Boston and probably get a job, but that's all bullshit Lee knows he has nowhere else to go and There's nothing else that he wants to do Lee knows that if he goes back to Boston and lives in his mother's basement, that'll make him happy But he lost a war You know, he won the war and he lost the battle

we get in the comfort zones and That's great. That's great. I want you to be in a comfort zone. I get in them I get in the comfort zones sometimes they're not called laziness. They're called comfort zones But then I forced myself out of the comfort zone and I do something out of my comfort zone And I'm back Because I forced myself to do it, you know when I was 32 when I in 1995 I Had limited options. I was a fucking father She was five. I had no

Let's be honest. I had no parenting skills. I Didn't give a fuck about my life I can't about one thing because I really believe that comedy wasn't to save my life Now when you're saying save your life Joey, do you mean living in Beverly Hills and being Sebastian not by any means at all Excuse me, I thought that comedy would Stop me from being a thief If I could have just stopped being a thief

And been a human being I would have been happy as fuck Even if I did the drugs the drugs were gonna follow me no matter what that was part of the lifestyle It was part of who I was it was part of the business. I was in I accepted it I just didn't want to be a fucking thief anymore. I did not want to be a thief. I did not want to live under Not police scrutiny because but knowing that the cops could knock on my door at any minute That's a horrible way to live and I'd live like that to a fucking age of You know fucking let's be honest 98 98 so I was a little short of my 40th birthday

The knocks the cops could knock on my door at any time any time I went home Sat down took my shoes off rolled the joint smoked it and I'd relax eight minutes later I remember that the cops could be looking for me for something I did two weeks ago I didn't want to live like that no more So I decided to jump into comedy And yeah, I'm not gonna lie to you I made a couple mistakes in the beginning of my comedy career that got me in trouble I got arrested for fighting. I got arrested for fucking stealing. I got arrested for a couple things in the beginning

But once I fell in love with it If you look at me after 93 once I fell in love and love and love with comedy and I had a path And I had a direction. I never really gotten troubling it Yeah, I still did the drugs Joey, but what about the drugs? I still did the drugs That was part of the life That was part of the law for me. That was what I got into comedy for you know, there's a hundred thousand doctors There's 200 million fucking attorneys. How many comedians are the nation-wide in the country? Not that many because it's a hard thing to do and a lot of things that come with it

Yeah, Joey, but Jim gaffing it doesn't get high and Brian this guy doesn't get high yet But I guarantee the other 50% do it's just a part of what comes with the occupation You know, look what happened music the last ten years. We lost Michael Jackson. We lost Chris Cornell We lost fucking Tom Petty. We lost Prince, you know to fucking prescription drugs. That's that comes with it That comes with it whether it's misuse or not knowing that comes with it What about the musicians before that it comes with it? This is part of the society we're in today I have a couple friends that I grew up with that there the kids are struggling with it right now and I have other

Friends that were animals that their kids don't even know what the fuck's going on. It's a 50-50 fucking chance. We got here It's a 50-50 fucking chance. So How do you make your chances better? Okay, one thing is like I told this guy on email a couple days ago Once you go for it You go for it and Don't think of what if Well, what if I fail you just fail

You just failed you just fail for thinking what if I fail If you believe in this as much as you're telling me and if you believe in this in your heart as much as you're telling me There's no room for failure because you won't let it fail Do you ever think of that you won't let it fail That's it You know before I go on stage every fucking weekend in a different city every other weekend I'm shitting my pants those two hours What am I gonna say I can have two hours of material and I'm still saying to you I

Got nothing to say I Got nothing to say I got nothing to say I got nothing to say sometimes. That's good. Sometimes it's bad What it's good is cuz I forced myself to write something new or to try something new and then that carries in and I got an extra 10 minutes or whatever But when it's back like I'll say I got none the fucking say I got a ton of shit to say But I'll shoot myself in the foot before I even go out. I'm a mess on Thursday night Then once I break the ice on Thursday night, I'm good for the rest of the fucking weekend But it's because I'm not committed in my head once I commit to my material and I commit to what I'm gonna do

You're in danger. You're in the danger zone because I'm gonna pound on you. I'm gonna just go out then pound on you But what do you have felt let's see I think I think where the the issues for me is like did you have where you got confident? 10 years ago Because I think I said no I think the hard part is is when you don't have that experience to know that Things are gonna be okay. You ever go see somebody and they think they're fucking funny on stage. They're laughing You don't think they're funny. Yeah, that's all of us That's all of us the first 10 years

We think we're a fucking riot, but we're not funny at all, right? Okay. We're not funny at all and it's But we believe that we're funny and the belief and the belief that we're funny and that we're gonna get funnier gets even stronger You know the book on anything that everybody wants to read Let's say you're an attorney and you go from your fucking three years of law school And now you're thrown into the fucking dungeon. You don't even know what the fuck to do But by doing it every day by going to court and taking notes and getting this guy coffee And seeing this guy and he ain't wait a second

He just introduced me to the DA from Brooklyn and he just introduced me to the assistant DA from Queens You meet people and that's called experience and that's what we're doing here. You can't do stand up in front of a fucking mirror Okay, you can't do stand up in front of a fucking mirror. I Would I love to tell you that yeah comics practice in front of a mirror? No, they don't because you can't get a reaction It's like when you see a guy hitting the bag Yeah, he's working with conditioning and he's working his strength or his flexibility and his cardio But you know what that bag don't hit back That bag don't hit back. Okay, so why you all look at a guy. Yeah, I know but the bag don't hit back

It's the same thing with the mirror the mirror don't hit back if the mirror Hip if the mirror if the mirror fucking could help you. I'd be at home and I wouldn't even leave the house I'd just be in front of the mirror telling jokes to the fucking mirror and that that's not gonna help your timing That's not gonna do anything Going out there is what makes you do things the same thing if you're a writer I don't give a fuck listen I am having the hardest time in the world right in this fucking book I just rewrote a chapter for the third fucking time and now and I mean when I say rewrite I erase everything I

Erase everything and start from scratch I told this poor guy. I would have this book by the end of fucking January. I just finished rewriting this chapter for the third Fucking time. We guess what guys? I like it. I like it Before I was telling you a story Now I'm telling you the story before the story How did I learn that it took me fucking seven years of fucking writing garbage? At least I'm getting a little bit better So now what am I gonna do?

I'm gonna redo all the other fucking proposal chapters because I think I'm on to something now But how did I get there because I kept doing it and I keep doing it when I fly I'll write for an hour on the way Then on the way back in the hotel. I'll write again the next one. I'll get up and guess what I'll do I'll erase it why I don't fucking know but I do it because I don't like it. I'm not a good writer I could tell you right now. I'm not a good writer But I know in a year and a half or two years if I keep doing the little amounts I keep doing I'll be a better writer and sometimes I write good for the book and sometimes I write good for just material or something like that Sometimes I have great ideas for jokes. I just bail on them because I'm fucking lazy sometimes

I go well I was writing a joke couple weeks ago that I really enjoyed and the on that while I was on stage I remembered on the third set at the company store Sunday night They did it and it worked. I'm like, why did I bail on that joke because I had to put working through it I had a Wikipedia shit. I had to check dates and fucking times with a bunch of shit Commitment is the whole fucking thing and that's number one point. I'm trying to get across tonight is when you jump you jump and You're not gonna have any fucking problems, but if you jump and then look up

At your friend and go, what are you gonna fail? You're gonna fucking fail like I said, so I got smack to the face in 84 and I didn't really go for my dream Well, what what it wasn't my dream. It wasn't like I had been dreaming since I was like I had friends That told me an acting class. You don't understand. I used to fucking Look at look at the hot pictures of the Hollywood sign I would hang them up on my wall and I always knew that I would get here. Guess what everybody who told me that is gone right now Everybody who told me about the Hollywood wall and how the sign the Hollywood sign

All those people that told me that oh, I knew I was always gonna end up in Hollywood All those people I'm thinking of two specifically right now that told me that when they were a kid They would get the Hollywood sign out of a magazine hanging on their wall And they always will end up in a hollywood. They're gone. Can you say that? People have told me that that's embarrassing. Yeah They would take pictures of the Hollywood sign and hang them up on their wall and they hadn't had it big yet They were still like a waitress or a struggling act. They were here like 15 years acting classes the whole fucking thing

This town Has really surprised me. It surprised me in two way, too By letting a schmuck like me make a living. That's the first that that's what I really but anybody who's in this town That says that can't do it should be embarrassed Because if I'm making a living acting and doing stupid stand-up You should be killed and Number two the other thing I couldn't understand about this town is how many people were in love with something and they just abandoned it and

I sit there and I think about them from time to time like when I go on a drive I don't I don't listen to music if I'm going to do a spot So I'm going to a spot I think about things to put me through different emotions So when I get down to the comedy store, whatever club I'm going to perform at I can feel different range of emotions You know, I think about a friend dying. I think about a good day. I think about a sad day I think about a day that I was confused. I Try to do all those things when I get on stage. I could try to give you more and I always think about Sometime not always I think about people that I was tight with here, you know, okay, somebody like Ralphie for example

When Ralphie had that apartment I had conversations with five or six people and different people in that apartment heartfelt conversations About comedy and acting what their dreams were and why they were going to do it and how they're going to please their parents and blah, blah, blah those people are done Those people are gone those people are long fucking gone and Are we friends on Facebook now? Yes, no like

I'll communicate with them from time to time But I could feel they were a little apprehensive towards me like they don't know what I'm gonna say and I have no judging for them I and listen everybody has different situations and everybody has a fucking breaking point Everybody has a breaking point. Did this? This heart this life out here is fucking hard a lot of people think they're gonna stroll up Go to a bar bump into Bruce Willis and their life is gonna be Set for a long time and that's not what it is and when people realize that they get cracked Like, you know, I don't know what year I realized it. But once I realized it, I just moved on

Okay, this is the way it's gonna be that I gotta find my niche. I just moved on But there's people that find out that this is work And they crack they fucking crack Added a girl emailing me for a couple weeks She had seen me in the store And she asked me if she could have my information that she was into marketing or something And then a week later. I'm telling Lee these fucking facebook messages. He's sending me And what she basically wanted what she thought was let me tell you how crazy people are

She thought that I was gonna grab it by the hand Walk her into an agency This is no lie people And that the agency was gonna pay for her headshots pay for her acting class and and I mean when she told me this I almost shit my fucking pants

And I had to ask her to her face At the comedy store like when she was telling me this I go who told you this Because she finally came up to the comedy store about 10 days ago with a headshot Out of the blue like I'm standing there talking to a bunch of people And she came up out of the blue and she goes hey, can you give this to the agent? I go my agent isn't open till January 7th And I go what's in there? She goes a headshot So let's see it and she took the headshot out

And there was a picture her friend had taken of her And she put it on a mat like a fucking thing and then and I go This isn't a headshot I go there's no name on it. There's nothing And she goes well you told me just to take a headshot. I go no no no Because I thought she hung out with a bunch of actors. She's a young girl She's a young black girl. I thought she hung out with a bunch of act. She has that actory look to her, right? So she goes no my friend told me this will work. I go listen

I hadn't talked to the agent yet because it was the holidays. I go give me around the 7th or 8th and I'll call the agent and see What he needs from you You know, I was really gonna call an agent like I was really gonna call make a call for her and see if The guy could help her, you know, because he told me specializes in accents. Okay got people with accents, you know So After the headshot was when she told me

that If I get another headshot There's just me and I'm not doing her accent She goes does this mean that You'll take this to your agent at the time Then he'll pay for my headshots and pay for my acting class And I go who told you this and she goes these actresses. I was hanging out with the other night I go

If that's what their agents do Why don't you take that stuff to them? I know this guy a few years I don't think he's gonna do that. Right So she was like, well, I go first off. Do you have a tape? Like an acting reel anything and she goes I have nothing I go, do you you just gonna give this guy your headshot? Do you have a resume? And she goes, well, I have a work resume not an acting resume. I go, well, you have to come up with something You have to come up with a page that says your height the color of your eyes

And who you're studying with and what commercial workshop you've taken you have to come up with something And I could see in her face like she was giving me attitude like she was like getting insulted And I go, what do you expect of that? This is the only guy I know that I could say this to theatrically Like I just and it just so happens that he called me out of the blue Because with the fox thing he called me out of the blue to congratulate me And we started talking and I go where you working and he told me and he goes we specialize in kids and accents

We're looking right here. I go, you don't sign comics. He goes unless they're like Uh, you know like from england and stuff like that, right? That's what we we specialize in right now So I said, okay, whatever the fuck, you know So I was gonna take the I was gonna send her down there. He's down a little shit It's a small office after she told me that I'm like no So I called him after the break And I didn't even bring her up

Like I didn't even bring the girl up and then She called me and that's when she Well, she hit me up on facebook. She didn't call me She hit me up on facebook and that's when she goes. I was really upset by a conversation, you know, I I was told agents pay for all your stuff. Maybe you don't want to help me and I go I do want to help you But you have to understand that I have my own problems And I have my own dilemmas if I'm going to give somebody a package

It's going to be the correct way to give them a package I go and then I told the truth. I go I did speak to him He does want a reel He does want a resume and he does want you to be in an acting class or you come watch it This guy's by the book. I know this guy. He's really fucking white. You know what I'm saying? It's just there's just some people who buy the book that they want you to be in an acting class They want to come see you at the acting class. I wouldn't go see anybody in an acting class But that's there's some agents that they're into that shit. I knew

I knew what school he came from. I knew what agency was that before And I knew that when I tried to sign with them years earlier They put me through the fucking ringer They put me through the ringer and I had a reel And I had done the longest show and I had done spider-man 2 And they were still like they had to have a meeting about it and fucking walk around the corner and Talk to cast did they want to be to give them three casting? Uh resumes like people that are casting directors to give them three calls

And a director had to do all this shit Then they signed me And then my buddy what i'm talking about left And I ended up staying there and then I stopped getting residual checks And i'm like what the fuck's going on Sags says i'm supposed to get a check on the 26th of january And it's the fucking first of february and I haven't gotten a check And then i'm supposed to get another check and then another check and I didn't get them

I called sag and I go sag What's going on in my checks and they're like oh we're sending them to your new agent And I go why would you send them to your new agent? They said because you signed The paperwork they go I didn't sign shit. I go if you know anything about me. I live. I'm a coke fiend I live off my fucking residuals And I ran to that office and I told them to have my fucking checks And I fired them and but he had left already Nobody had told me

That he had left Why didn't he tell you because he was embarrassed? I finally went to the agency. I go what the fuck you left you didn't tell me That you left and he's like i'm sorry I got pulled in here. It was a children's agent and they didn't want me to take adults with me. So That's what happened. So I was over there. We're getting fucking robbed but the point being that I couldn't understand why she just

Thought that so I could walk around though Are you fucking crazy? It must work for some people like that's a scary thing is it must May I mean I I hate to be Mean rude, but like maybe those girls are sleeping with the agents or maybe they were creepy agents who had like a really weird deal Like they took your residuals, but they'll pay for headshots Up front or like that's not a normal

And that's the weird thing about all every job in this town is there's really not In pecking order you just kind of you get in at the bottom level and you work your way up But there's no It's hard to even ask anybody else how you did it because it changes it changes It keeps changing over and over again And the table keeps changing. You know what they do with you. They won't listen I know people that went to the comedy store And two days later, they had a top notch agent and a top watch manager

Right. Yeah, just do that Just do the comedy store. Just do one day at the comedy store. I went to the comedy store for 10 years. Nobody fucking talked to me Nobody said two fucking words to me There was people one up to the comedy store and got an agent And then I got a commercial agent at the improv and they're gonna wind you about that I got the best commercial agent at the time. You gotta got me to Taco Bell commercial and all that shit Sbv at the time of the best commercial agents in town in 97 And yes, I got very lucky with them. I saw them at the improv and they signed me

But the atrophy for movies and television. I couldn't get fucking signed by anybody Nobody was fucking signed me nobody Even a couple years ago after I did grudge match When my agent was thinking of leaving his agent, I didn't think I was gonna get invited And I reached out to a bunch of agents and a bunch of agents hit me back. But they're like We want to sign you theatrical don't want to even talk to you And I'm like dog. I got a fucking number 3000 high mdb

And they didn't want to talk to me Is is that maybe why her message is upset you a little bit because you know how hard It was for you to get an agent It's not her messages It's a lot of people's messages and a lot of people's attitudes that bother me right Because I don't really think they understand what goes into This

Or anything that they're gonna do. I mean you had a situation where you had a friend that went to school that went to law school And thought they were gonna come out and work a 40 hour week And that it was gonna be people drinking margaritas and jumping up and down on the weekend And when they find out that they had to work every other saturday and they found out this job, you know That's a realization Why they sell it to eat like every movie or tv show and obviously they have to make them entertaining

But they make work look easy like it's eight hours of Going to lunch and playing tricks on each other nothing off is like they don't show that it's like fighting traffic You're and then your boss asks you to do something at 4 45 on friday when they had it all day and like they don't show They don't they make it seem more exciting and and fun than the And that's like the thing is it just never it's very monotonous. Yeah Do you believe when they say? That we changed my generations. Do you believe like in terms of millennials and all that?

Yeah, I mean just looking at how like my mom Was with me and how how her brothers and sisters act and then seeing How young like parents a little bit like they have kids a little older than you now Treat them differently. So I don't know exactly what levels, but yeah, I think just based on The time people grew up and they act differently

I mean listen I always hear terms and I don't want to sound like one of these fucking idiots Because I gotta be honest to you At the age of 20, there was nothing I wanted to do At the age of 20 21 22 There was nothing I wanted to do There was really no nothing I wanted that was interesting to me I mean, yes, I was interested in law

But as far as work wise Work was the farthest Thing from my mind. I can't lie to anybody. I did not want to work And I was confused. I'm telling you that I didn't get unconfused till 1984 The confusion that I had till 1984 was that Somebody was going to make a call They were going to get me a job and I was going to make

100 000 a year plus working 35 hours a week And not busting my balls. I thought I had I thought that I had it coming to me I thought because of my mom dying and my situation That I thought that somebody was going to hand me a life you know And then in 84 I realized that nobody really hands you a life. Nobody hands you shit

Unless you're born and your father owns a fruit market And his father had it before then and you grow into it But those first couple years you got to pick fruit and work and Still cut the lawn and still deal with customers and the whole thing then eventually it becomes yours But unless you have that you're gonna work I didn't and I didn't know that like most people learned that you learned that at 16 You know, I was waiting for a paid day If I worked three days on the construction site

It's because I was waiting on the paid day that was coming. I didn't know if I'm wet I Yeah, I mean There's good and bad to it though. Like it's I'm I'm not anywhere near good at it now. I'm but I'm just barely learning Is like those kind of like I got a job. I think at 14 As soon as I could I could I got a permit But that didn't it made me not very good at

Being entrepreneurial and working. I was I'm good. I'm a lot better When someone's like here, this is what we're doing today or this like this is what you have to do And when it's just here you do all of it and decide what part we're gonna start on like and that's where the doubt You talked about earlier comes in Is when you when you're forced to make all the decisions And since you didn't you were all constantly making decisions So you got good at it and it's I think going from high school to college and working those corporate jobs

There's really not I mean you have to decide what classes you're gonna take but Once you decide roughly what job you want to do they tell you what classes you have to take And then you get to do a few electives But even then they don't really count so it's funny that I use life the same way Okay, so they tell you If you want to be an attorney you have to have a degree in history And you have to take a lot of math

Because it's problems out So I've used that In life sometimes Like I've always said it I'll say it once I say 10,000 times I became a better comic since I started jiu-jitsu Why Because it makes me solve problems When I'm on my back and there's a guy on top of me I have to decide whether I got a retain guard

Try to get him into half guard or try to sweep them Those little things you know Where my daughter trains From Muay Thai and all that shit They have a few autistic kids and I see how they start with them They put them in a different class And they start up very slow with them And I see them pick it up

muscle memory stuff like that they pick it up and it's it's The same thing That's why I do all the things I do even though I'm a stand-up Because I want my mind to move My mind features are only writing and performing I wanted to do something else So for my mind, yeah, I go there to lose weight to be healthy. And so I don't

Turn into a fat fat shit. I go to jiu-jitsu, but I also go because it makes me think And once you stop thinking so do you see how I use jiu-jitsu just like a college? You know, I go to Muay Thai training the other days I do that because it makes you think about combinations And uppercuts and looking at weaknesses So Lee likes to keep his left hand low. I'm gonna throw Overhand rights at him, you know, it teaches you different strategies out. So all these strategies are useful To attack life

You just applying them in a different way Oh, yeah, I mean that it totally makes sense It's just I think it's what you're talking about at the beginning Is the hard part is applying it on a consistent basis on a consistent basis and that's Once you apply anything like that You know I remember when I first went to the council and he's like well, you got to take physics and This and there's another type of math you have to take and I'm like

Why right? I'm becoming an eternity. I don't want to take that shit or I want to be a Fuck there was something else I was going for once they were once they took the attorney from me I wanted to try to do something else And that physics some some type of math that I just did not understand and they go because it's problem solving When you're on stage and you're a comic you're problem solving Yeah, if you come out with two jokes and they suck you got to figure out how to get them to like you and how to get them to Take the ride with you You know, if and that goes for anything, you know, if you're a carpenter

And it's gonna take you a while to get used to holding. You know when you work in the winter It's completely different than working in the winter than what it is working into someone you're a carpenter Right plus going back to a little bit about what we talked about Or what you talked about last podcast Is like how different for you was when you were being an electrician When your boss was there versus the first time you were there by yourself and like you had to Make all the decisions you had to put everything up and you couldn't lean on someone else

Like that's a big moment for well, I'll tell you what At that age, I wanted more money So when he left I went to work I went to work one thing about me was I always took pride in my work from learning I had a good work ethic I try to do that with my daughter now, you know, my daughter helps my wife My daughter helps me. She's got a little allowance of my wife already

I told her a few more months. She could help me, you know, I'll take the bomb out of here We'll figure out where to hide it and they can have a calm cleaner table I'll help her vacuum pick up the chairs Dust will take an hour and I'll pay her 10 bucks My mom did a good job and then The neighborhood did a good job after that Because there was always jobs in my neighborhood and I learned Something from every single job

You know I'll never forget I applied for rental lumber And marine And I went down and I told them who sent me The guy gave me a a fucking An application I filled it out And he goes give me five minutes for a second

He went somewhere. He came back and he goes come here. Follow me And he took me in the back and he goes Uh, I'm gonna pay you for a few hours work today. I just want to see how you work I want you to move these two rooms around put that here put that stuff there, but nobody left And I looked at both rooms I'll never forget I was gonna just sweep and Move the boxes something I came up with

And I said wait a second. This is for a job. This is for my life Let me do this the right way. So I went in the first room I took the boxes whatever boxes he had and then I put them all in the middle And I swept around The fucking sides I slept all the walls Then I took the boxes from the other room within size order I put them all up against the wall And then I put these back

And then I swept all that shit into the middle I picked it up and I went in the other room and I swept every corner everything and picked it up I went downstairs and I go what else can I do because you're done already because you probably didn't do a good job I'll never forget we went upstairs And the first thing he did was move the boxes to see if I swept behind the boxes. Oh shit And he goes you're getting the job. He goes, you don't know how many people came in for this job And didn't sweep behind the boxes. He goes, I had a guy do the outside yesterday He goes, why don't people move stuff when they sweep?

I had learned that from mr. Bender growing up That you got to move the box like he was goofing on his son one day about one of the boxes and he goes You got to move the bottle or something we're talking about a draw We're moving the draw downstairs in an josey's hallway His aunt josey had a hallway in the laundry room down there. There was a bureau And I'll never forget that we just picked it up. He's like, no, you gotta sweep behind it So from that lesson I learned to pick up the boxes and sweep if I wouldn't have swept behind those boxes

I wouldn't have got the job Because I would have showed the man I was lazy right and even that age My mother was dead already My mother was dead already when I got the render job. That's why I got the render job. My mother had died already So even at that age I was always Not intuitive But I knew that when you worked you worked. I don't like people telling me what to do I never like people saying to me, hey, don't forget to clean above the tv

Hey, don't forget to do that. Hey, don't forget. I don't fucking like that shit So you just do it so I just do it so they don't say I just do it way before they ask me I know they're gonna ask me right they're gonna ask me anyway. So why am I waiting? It's a good point. I mean it's It takes a while I think to know what they're looking for I guess depending on what you're doing, but A hard worker is a hard worker somebody who's got initiative, you know We we mainly have great conversations. We always know who has a podcast

When we call them and invite them to do the podcast they hear 10 minutes before the podcast starts People who don't have a podcast get here a half hour before the podcast starts You can always tell who has a podcast You know, it's little things You know, you got to be at a job at eight o'clock. You're there at a quarter to eight That's it not five to eight not ten to eight. You're there at a quarter to eight That's if you want to raise You want to raise you got to be the first guy there and the last guy there to leave

When you want to and that was my mentality even at that age You got to be the first one here and the last one here I Yeah, I mean it makes sense you got to show You have to give them a they don't just give Raised out because they have to no no no and then that's People like initiative people like not telling

people What to do? I don't like telling somebody what to do. I don't want to tell you every month. Hey Why the door down can't you you go to a restaurant? You ever go to get something to go and the glasses fingerprints on it. Yeah, so not one of them I always go in those restaurants and I count And I look at how many employees are working and I go not one of these fucking geniuses Thought about going over there and cleaning that glass Then on the other hand I go fuck that glass these poor bastards probably make eight bucks it out eight dollars now

But then I go fuck the eight dollars an hour You should do that just representing yourself If they don't want to do it fuck them, but you're gonna do it because you're better than they are So do you understand the school of thought I came from? Yeah, why should I wipe that glass? It's fucking subway They're gonna dirty it an hour You know what fuck it. I'm not gonna wipe that glass because all I get is nine dollars an hour plus tips You know what I'm wiping that glass

Because someday I'm gonna have a restaurant and I want that I want the customers to see that everything is clean Every time I'm gonna eat in your restaurant if the glass is fucking dirty. How do you get the flu by touching things? By touching things so how can the glass be dirty in a fucking restaurant? If your glass is dirty, what's your kitchen look like what's your pussy or your asshole your dick look like? You gotta assume No, it's it's it's true And then how often because we'll complain when it's bad, but every once in a while There's a guy or a girl who you work with or you see at a store

And they're just amazing. They're just full Like there's there's nothing worse than having someone when you go in there like be rude to you or not even care Be like not a good, you know, I tell my wife all the time. I go Customer service has gone down the hole in this country Am I mad at customer service a little bit? But I'm also mad at the amount that they pay these people And what they're willing to make them do when the sacrifices we don't see You know, they hire you now for 20 hours. I don't have to give you insurance. Oh, yeah

How much enthusiasm would you have knowing that you don't have my back? You don't have my back. You don't have my back There's a corporation. You got no fucking insurance because you want to hire god forbid I work 21 hours and you have to give me insurance So if you steal from those people they deserve it, they got to come from them and trust me I'm stolen from a lot of businesses I work for But there was a lot of businesses I went to work for That I saw that they were decent people so I gave 100% of what I had

Even if that's not my job Even if cleaning that glass had nothing to do with me. I'm the type of guy. I'll clean the glass Because that represents who we are That door represents who we are And that's it. That's the problem with everybody. They only want to do their job Do the job We know we said on Duncan's podcast five years ago 100 people Do what people do when people aren't looking that's character

Nobody's looking not let me let me pick up the floor Because the channel four news is on the corner and if they see me giving away free food at the laugh factory They'll think I'm a good person. Do you know what I'm saying? Anybody could do that. All right Anybody could do that pull over when there's nobody around Go to Jim and Johnny's or whatever and get a veteran sandwich What's that the chain over here tony and limous? You know like jerseys jerseys jerseys likes like jersey mice If you like homeless people that much go buy a sandwich and give it personally

To a homeless person. That's a weird one. There's nobody watching. That's a weird thing people are doing now is they video themselves giving stuff Yeah, that's bullshit. I don't want to video nothing. It's so embarrassing. I make fun of those people in that hut I pulled over there the one day and I gave them all a 20 Even though I beep at them all the time and you're in the corner. They're not there Christmas day. I gave me a 20 a piece Why not? I beep at them. I scared the fuck out of them whenever they shopping cart You got to take care of these people. You know what I'm saying? I got the black guy. Give him a 20 every time I see him The black vietnam vet. Yeah, like he's like your bodyguard. He's I got him on call

I'm surprised he doesn't make him make you see him more often like I'm surprised he doesn't know your Schedule if I was homeless and someone gave me 20 bucks. I see him all the time Okay, I just pull over when I'm in the mood when I see him when he's close to me Then I have to make a u-turn or something. I pull over asking what I was doing If I got waters, I'll give him a water from the car You know, what the fuck and I don't I don't want nobody to see it. I don't nobody needs to see it Nobody needs to see that you donated a charitable doubt. I hate all that shit Just do it because you want to do it out of your heart not because somebody wants to see it

It may know it almost makes it seem like I guess it's still it's still a good thing. It helps people But it just makes it makes you look gross when people have like all the news stories about it and Lots of people want you to think that there's something they're not bro When you're a good person, you just fucking do it and that's it. Nobody needs to know nothing As long as you know it that you're doing the right thing by your friends and you're trying That's all that fucking matters That you don't have to take facebook pictures and put pictures up that you know the motherfucker hug him

You know But that's a people thing but going back to What we opened up with it's the truth We all come to a realization and then we have to do something about it. I know a lot of yous Listen to the podcast and you said to yourself. Fuck, you know Maybe he's got a point. I don't know what my next step is. You do know what your next step is You definitely know what your next step is. You just not You don't want to face that fucking mirror. You don't want to go into that water. Well

For something to happen, you're gonna have to go into that water. Trust me. It's scary But we all have to do it. We all have to do that thing We don't want the most and then once you do it you realize This wasn't so fucking bad What was I so fucking scared of He was scared of fucking that maybe something good might happen once in a while for you We're all scared of that That maybe if I do this something fucking good might happen

Maybe I might lose 10 pounds. Maybe my diabetes might go away Maybe I will get on that fucking show. Maybe maybe maybe These are all the things you fucking have, you know So use them once you come to the realization of what the fuck is really gonna happen, then you'll know I'm not telling you to quit your fucking job or quit school or quit whatever and No, no, no, no, no, don't quit nothing Make sure Make sure

How do you make sure you know it in your fucking balls? But before you jump You know, there's two sides to this coin after you jump you can't look up But before you jump, I want you to look down and know What you're jumping into When I jumped into comedy I had asked fucking

10 million questions And there's no bigger pussy than me in the world. There's no bigger pussy. Nobody is Scared of more things than I am And I put my head down. I said, you know what I'm gonna eat this shit Because I know the quicker I eat this shit the quicker I'll get out of these fucking woods And here we are 27 years later And that's it and that's that So if there's something you feel that you want to do deep down in your balls, yeah

Look at the ocean. Look at it from all angles before you jump in. There's nothing wrong with that Before you spend two three hundred thousand dollars for a house you get an inspector You get people to come over you get the roof guy You get the fucking the street guy to make sure there's no cracks in the foundation Why shouldn't you check out something from head to toe before you jump into it? I just want you to know that once you jump you can't look up Just stay stay with your head down and listen, man I could have quit comedy. I had 30 000 reasons to quit comedy

30 000 30 000 when I got here nobody wanted to sign me Ralph he got signed josh wolf got a deal Brody got an agent everybody had shit. I was the last guy to go But then the little agent signed me and I started doing good things with the little agent Then the little bigger agent signed me and I started doing bigger things at that agent Meanwhile, there's no comedy. I'm still doing comedy at the store and all this thing and I'm doing fucking taxi with queen latif What I'm doing fucking sam ramy spider-man that I get adam sandlers and nothing Then I get my name is ral and fucking nothing then there's a strike

I was gonna get like 18 episodes and there's a fucking strike and you know, listen You put your head down You put that fireman hat on and shit's gonna bounce over your head and just go off your shoulder And I guarantee you I guarantee you That you'll come close to whatever goal you have, you know, it's funny in 1987 before I got arrested on my wall I had a picture of a testarosa

A farah a Ferrari testarosa And when I started working at bolder Toyota, that's the first thing jim handy said to me goes. What are your goals? And I go I want a Ferrari testarosa. That's the way you say it I don't even know it's the white car with the fucking Things come to Lamborghini Lamborghini. Whatever the fuck it is I cut a picture out and I put it on my wall somebody told me if you want some Cut a picture out and put it in your wall and that's what I did for years Guess what I got nothing and when I started working at bold Toyota one day

He asked me what I wanted. I'm like, yeah, I want a testarosa Lamborghini And he goes right down what you're gonna do to get it And he fucking stumped me He stumped me first. I had to find out what the car cost I didn't know it cost $300,000 and this is in 1988 87 And then I actually sat down on paper and I figured out what I had to make a month To pay for this fucking car. That's how much of an idiot I was So I was like, I'm gonna have to sell 27 cars a month and he's like, this is not what I want you to write down

I want you to write down how you're gonna come up with the money To bust you understand what I'm trying to say to you. You got to simplify your goals Simplify this Monday. I wrote goals and guess what? They were simple and I tomorrow I hit them I got a couple different goals every week. I got like six or seven different goals every week Write six hours write six hours Four workouts break the 72 points on weight watches If I stay in town make sure you do five spots a week I have a thousand goals that on sunday night. Look at my notebook do two podcasts

You know every fucking week every fucking sunday night I write a new set and every sunday night. I check off the fucking week and I swear to god If I write 11 things down, I do 10 of them. I swear to god And the only reason why I don't finish is maybe I don't go to doctor for a blood test You know, I'm scared of that shit. I always leave one off off the list like this week I got blood test on her again, but I woke up late this morning tomorrow I got something at eight and Thursday. I got something at 10 I'll never make it back in case I faint that I got a lift weights. I never make it back

But at least I always stick to those fucking goals people. So remember Realization what you want to do Then get down But to get down you got to write those fucking goals and you're sitting there going joke We've heard this already from you about writing the goals You never heard about the reason I didn't think about it till this week About what happened to me in 1984 And how I didn't do anything about it till 90 fucking three

I prepared for that though. Do you see what I'm saying by looking into The well I looked into it for nine years before I jumped Okay, I'm a half a fact there you got me Some people should take two years. It took me nine years But I still jumped and after this podcast was about was going for it's the beginning of the year It's january 24th a lot of years have lost your uh, eye already You've given up. Maybe you told yourself

You can't do it. You're not gonna do it. You don't think you'd do it. Fuck that shit I'm here to tell you is it 24th get back on it. If you fucking went off you died get back on it If you won't get back on it, you know what just keep showing up Just keep showing up and eventually one fucking day Day, you'll be and how do I know? Because I fucking lived it. That's how I fucking know. Don't forget bitches tonight I'm at the brand mother fucking improv with george perez And my main man are none. I don't even know what his fucking name is from the commie store

Saturday night sold out all you got is thursday early a couple tickets for thursday uh friday late And thursday is still tickets available. That's all you got there Do not forget. I am in san jose Valentine's day weekend and then the following friday I'm at treasurer out in las vegas and the third 23rd. I'm at the fox theater And tuis on arizona. I want to thank the flying jew I want to thank fucking you guys for listening but most of all I gotta thank my sponsors. Give me a minute here and this week. We got some great sponsors as far as tonight's concerned Let me tell you something

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Go to church dot robin hood dot com. That's church dot robin hood Dot com the other sponsor on this is somebody something a product a product. I just fell in love with quip They have you starting a healthy routine this year and you're sticking to it And the two very very different things inevitable. We all skink on the full night's sleep We skip on a workout or two or you brush your teeth with a tired old toothbrush that ends right now We're not perfect. Well, we can do better and quip is the better electronic toothbrush It's the best electric toothbrush that can help you. How do I know?

Because I use it my daughter uses it my wife uses it the bristles are fantastic They feel they feel great your mouth feels refreshed. They have a timer So, you know, how long you're spending on your teeth? You can put the five at the three It is tremendous. All right. Why do people love quip so much? People brush too hard and some electric toothbrushes are too abrasive Two-minute timer pulses every 30 seconds to remind you Went to switch sides and to help you clean your whole mouth evenly Up to 90% of us do not brush for a full two minutes. We don't even clean evenly

Multi-covers works on the stand mounts to mirrors and slides over your bristles To pack and protect your equipment Declutters your sink or cabinet and makes traveling with an electric toothbrush a lot easier Plus, there's no wires or clunky charger. It runs ready for this Three months on a single charge Brush heads are automatically delivered on a dentist recommended schedule every three months for just five hours A friendly reminder why it's time for a refresh and stay committed to oral health 75 of us use old worn out bristles that are ineffective. I was until I got quip

Quip is one of the first electric toothbrushes Accepted by the American Dental Association and they're backed by over 25 000 dental professionals And they have thousands of thousands of five-star verified reviews. All right now like I told you guys I love quip why? The bristles the timer and it's easy to travel That's why I love quip. Okay, and this is why there's over a million happy healthy mouths Do also So what i'm going to do this quip starts at 25 and if you go to get quip dot com

Slash joey right now. I'm going to give you your first refill pack for free That's right. Go to get quip dot com Slash joey right now and get your first refill pack for free. That's your first refill pack free at get quip dot com Slash joey. I want to thank quip. I want to thank robin hood I want to thank zip recruiter. I want to thank stamps dot com I want to thank honor. I want to thank all our sponsors But most importantly, I want to thank you guys For taking the ride with us. You know, I love you motherfuckers

See you monday morning nice and early ready to go Hoop doop dee doop If not, I'll see you tonight tomorrow night or saturday night in bray california at the improv Don't forget eight o'clock tonight 7 30 and seven o'clock on saturday night saturday night sold out. So you're fucked. I love you motherfuckers stay black Have a great rest of the week and have a great weekend. See you monday morning ready to rock kick this fucking mule I Sing me a song, you're a singer, do me a wrong, you're a bringer of evil, the devil is never a maker, the less that you give, you're a taker.

So it's all and all and all, it's heaven and hell, oh well. The lover of life's not a sinner, the ending is just a beginner, the closer you get to the meaning, the sooner you know that you're dreaming. So it's all and all and all, it's all and all and all, it goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Night, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah best sports because like so i yeah And they'll tell you black is really white The moon is just the front of the night

And when you walk in the cold You feel the keys of the phone It's very heavy Oh no You've got to flee from the dead song Uhhh Look what's inside you