Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #657 - Dean Delray

Episode Date: February 12, 2019

Dean Delray, comedian, actor seen on "Maron," and the host of the "Let There Be Talk" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:    Hims - Go to ForHims.com/joey for a trial month for just $5.   Squarespace - start your free trial today. When you're ready to build your website go to www.squarespace.com/church for 10% off your first purchase of a domain or website.    Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.    Recorded live on 02/11/2019.
    

Greetings from podcastville. It's February 12th fucking Tuesday. Get ready to rock bitches. The church is brought to you by For hymns.com. Let me ask you something. Is that hairline slowly starting to move backwards any ballspots yet? How will you feel a year from now when it's not business as usual up there? I asked you do you want a ballspot to pop up or do you want to do something about it first? That's why you got to go to for hymns.com a one-stop shop for hair loss skin care and Sexual wellness for men him connects you with real doctors and medical-grade solutions to treat hair loss with well-known Generic equivalents to name brand prescriptions to help you keep your hair and if you're going on a date that little extra Push so she could be happy do me a favor right now

Go for my family church this for the church family. I want you to do me a favor Go to for hymns.com right now and get a trial month of hymns for five hours right now While supplies last see the website for full details This would cost you hundreds if you went to a doctor or a pharmacy not today because Uncle Joey's taking care of you Go to for hymns.com slash Joey. That's for hymns F-O-R-H-I-M-S.com slash Joey for five hours for your first month while supplies last The church is also brought to you by listen It's time for you to get your cool idea into a new website. You get to showcase your work

You can blog or publish content. That's what happens when you're with Squarespace, okay? Me I love them you could sell products or services of all kinds You could promote your physical online business and you can announce upcoming events or special projects and more What I want you to do is head to square pace Squarespace.com for a free trial when you're ready to launch not right now When you're ready when you know exactly what you want to do use the offer code church to save 10% Off your first purchase of a website or domain that Squarespace.com Enter church the podcast is also brought to you by on it for the best supplements out there from alpha brain to shroom tap

Go to honor calm and press in church and get 10% off your first order kick this motherfucker muley Tuesday morning The podcast is finally up. We got to fucked up on Sunday. My apologies But in the house is the main man of music my brother Comedian fucking Superstar Dean del Rizzi back from New York the Christ killers here Your uncle Joe is here That's all that matters dirty motherfuckers

It's the church what's happening now I What the fuck Dean del Rizzi happy new year brother man happy great to see you how long have you been in New York for Well, like nine months ten months. No, but this last one three months straight Three months in your 90 days. Well, I saw you got them, right? Right got them. Yeah I know these are moving so fast Once you get out of high school days fly and then once you hit 50 Everything's downhill. Yeah

Once you hit 50, it's downhill. You did the first 50 Yeah, yeah every morning you got to kiss the floor and say thank you for giving me another one and you know It's going downhill, but you try to keep it uphill not my plastic surgery just by sleeping and resting and drinking water and walking And you know, ah the days are fucking flying. It's good to have you back. Oh, thank you think about the thing called the Sun You see the Sun today. Oh, I got here yesterday. It was pouring rain. I'm like, what is this bullshit? Yeah, I was ready for like just some Sun, but today it's just We've had some fucking serious rain. Yeah, like there were some days that I looked out the window and said I haven't seen rain like this I was a kid like heavy. There was one day ten days ago. Maybe I could not fucking believe it

There's this poor people were flipping People were flipping people cannot handle the rain in Southern California people. They cannot handle the rain They fold under questioning. Yeah, they just cannot handle it the streets people pulling off It's it's insane, but yeah, it's been raining at least there's no more drought Yeah, outside your bathroom window with a stopwatch Your shower with some guys out there 70s they had that they were they would say like you had to shower with your parents. I was like that's creepy Yeah, fuck you shower with your parents

We gotta save water you remember us being kids and they had the gas gas wars No, not the gas wars when they would put the flags up. I remember the odd and even place Yes, the odd even plates. I go back. Let me tell you how old I was with the flag Yeah, the flag was like you had to go to your local DMV Or something and get the color green red or orange is the only time we could buy gas And if you had green it was because you had a family and shit like that Like if you were single and lived by yourself, you were like an orange You they would only let you guess get gas once a week. It's so crazy to think about that. That was like codes

That was during the Ayatollah Kamei early 70s Yeah, early 70s late 60s and just come from Cuba and those you know those orange Cones that you see on the street. Yeah, the flags would be in there Wow flags will be placed in this when you drove by you knew it was your day to get gas I just remember odd and even plates. I'd even play the other one your plate ended it with a six You were even if it ended with a five you were odd and that's how you would get gas It'd be odd and even days was it was it a lot more expensive than it used to be no, but there wasn't gas But there wasn't gas. Wow, now they would raise the price

Now it's a different fuck of world. Yeah, I was New York. How was his last run in New York? I was great. I respect and admire the fuck out of you Just, you know, there wasn't enough spots here Yeah, the comments don't laugh and you don't and you don't do bad. Yeah, but you just wanted more action Yeah, tighten your shit and where do you go in article? Tighten your shit up and I mean New York is a different comedy experience. Then I like it's so weird Yeah, when you eliminate the TV and all that shit You see more pure comedy I think

You don't see people selling a TV show up on stage you see the heart and balls of stand-up as an LA People go well my agent said to do material on the kid because yeah, I want to shit when CBS comes to see me. They want to know that my material is based on the challenge You don't get none of that. It's so weird But it's the nuts and bolts of comedy and some people can't handle that like I went to New York at an early state of Comedy where it was basically designed to kick the fuck out of you Every time you walked out of an open mic with 20 other comedians It was just to test you whether you would jump over the bridge on the way back to Jersey and uh, you know

Is that yeah, and it made me move back to Colorado and siphon What what did you get from this last experience in New York what it did for me was I just didn't want to get Comfortable like I'm an LA comic here. This is what it is I was like I need to push myself and Be in a different dynamic Writing wise performing wise different rooms everything and to be in the comedy cellar Was it was an honor and also I learned so much these guys are all they're not fucking around Now the comedy cellar is the equivalent of comedy exactly. That's the two bees right there comedy store comedy cellar and

The guys in there. I was work. I was working on that TV show We're live on Comedy Central live at the cellar and what you do is they give you topics each week And then you'd write some jokes and then they would shoot on Thursdays and Saturdays Shoot like 40 comics and either your jokes made it or they didn't make it None of mine made it but it didn't matter because I was included on the show Which is like to me an honor to be working in this Establishment the cellar and to be on this show so each day

We it would I'd get out of bed and start writing about these topics. So it taught me how to do some kind of You know topical weekly jokes. I've never really done that kind of writing where they go. Here's the topics gas wars You know JZ did this This happened you get like three, you know type food poison and then you got a write on that and show up It was it was hard and it was great and I loved it, you know, I found an old picture you the other day You were just a chubby. Yeah, just fatty 40-something year old Yeah, you know

What were you doing for working at that point selling motorcycles right here in the corner? Yeah, right up right Van Nuys Van Nuys Boulevard and we make a good living selling motorcycle big money. Really big money Because your experience or I'm I because I think I was the only guy there that liked motorcycles So everybody else is just like employs Where that's where they worked and they were burned out. So when people came in they could tell I knew everything about the bikes I love the bikes and they're big out here because you can write even in between traffic and the weather So they come in and I and I knew everything about them and other guys would be like I remember guys would do this They would be sitting on the couch like oh, yeah, this guy never buy shit, dude

And they wouldn't get up and then I would go up. Hey, what's going on in that day? They would buy a bike and they go what the fuck, you know, they're guys working there I fucking talked to him for two years him by shit The bikes were you selling Harleys just straight up on straight up Harleys That's a tough sale tough sale because it cost big money and What happened was I was doing it making good money and Then that whole Fannie Mae and everything hit where everybody's loans tanked on their homes and People just gave their bikes back and no one was buying bikes

So you went from making let's say like ten grand a month to nine hundred. I remember I got a check for nine hundred dollars I go I just worked a month for nine hundred dollars because it's commission only and I was like, what am I gonna do? You know cuz I was just blowing money thinking it was gonna happen forever. How long did you work there three years? Three years tonight's gig when you're selling and you're making money people have no idea how much fun Oh, yeah, it really is to sell something the value Not like insurance because they can't see it, right? That's a very hard sale That's not that you can't but when you're selling something that you believe and like I worked with this company when I first got divorced I

Thought I was gonna work with them forever. It was pretty Basically an old-school telemarketing scam, but I liked the product. Yeah, it's a cut through the shit I guess when you work in doctors office, everybody has to be trained in That stuff I forget what it what it comes to mind is a Guideline that you have to work on there. There's a name for it seesaw or something like that I forget what the fuck it is and I would call these doctors they paid me 15 an hour and 35 every time they kept the thing and I would work 30 hours and walk out of there

Well, I can't tell you how much a week. Yeah, it lasted for like Seven months and then they said they had to move to Denver They were moving to like the other side of Denver and I'm like I can't yeah, I can tell you I'm gonna do it I'll do it three times. I'll get coked up one night. Now. This was perfect There was times I would get coked up to five and still be there at nine. Yeah, and what's that fucking guy? I forget what it is not see so but oh sure oh sure It would make every doctor's office OSHA regulated. Yeah, so I believed it so I would call these doctors It's tough to get a doctor on the phone. Oh, yeah, and

Say listen get it look at it The scam was if they didn't send it back in 30 days, then they had to pay the 249 or whatever Yep, you know how many doctors sent ship back and it makes you it really did qualify you So when OSHA came in you were up to standards and all that shit You know when I sold cars, it's funny. The other day I was thinking about my wife and I were talking about how Quick it is nowadays to get what's that word like Kevin Spacey'd you know to get? Louis C. Cade. Oh, it's

It's to get used like no like just One day you're this big thing in today's society. I'm just erased next day. You're erased, you know And I was telling my wife it's kind of like when you go to prison and your name comes on the paper You getting arrested is one thing but when you get arrested and you got arrested for a pound of weed But when you get arrested and Your name is see the cops coming to your house. Yeah, and then your name comes out of the paper like page two Even the fucking mailman will drop the mail off weird to you But you don't know that till it happens like when I came out on bail

People's behavior towards me was fucking horrendous and it makes you you know, it makes you feel really bad Yeah, but there was one guy that did not turn on me. There was one guy that was like fucking so what you kidnapped somebody good for you You fucked up It was Jim Wheeler and he's his kids own a motorcycle shop now and like North Dakota he was originally from Detroit But he was a big Bruce Lee guy and and I never forgot that guy like I never forgot Jim When that his son listened to the podcast one day and hit me up on Facebook and said when you said his name it blew our mind

And he was one of the only guys that like he was getting married like two weeks later He's like he coming to the wedding and people coming up to me at the wedding just looking at me and turning their heads Like it was that fast. Yeah. Yeah, and the point I was trying to make it seconds. I Enjoyed my salesman days when I sold cars those days You just you're nothing but a salesman and you talk to people and they're like you give me a brochure Yeah, and you have to tell like it's an art to take somebody who's looking for a brochure and go you hear it ready Yeah, why look at a brochure. Let's take it for a drive and you leave and you learn how to control a person by not controlling them

Like you learn how to cut words out of your Nine, you know, then you go to seminars and you learn that if you're having a conversation with somebody And you turn your back on somebody and start walking seven out of ten times. They'll follow you. Yeah, yeah Yeah, like if you're talking to something you turn your back and start walking Impulsively like into whatever that word is they start following. Yeah So that's the same thing you have to do like some meal coming to go. Hi. I'm here looking for a car for my daughter And I got a brochure brochure You got to learn how to say that yeah, what I'll be like this guys are the salesman. They're just dicks

Oh, yeah, they're just dick. I worked with this one guy. He was just they're just dick Oh, they bitch all day out in old cells. I got no money. I got no money. This guy's taking all my customers It's always that one taking my customers. Oh, you know, you think you never forget those things and you're like I know like that you did that was just right the first month in the business. I sold 13 cars. Yeah I was the same way like my first week. I killed it like six people were going crazy I had made like 10 grand my first week. It was I'd heard of like I was off running Yeah, like the first week I bought like shitty suits. Yeah I went to this men's warehouse and bought like

$500 worth of clothes my mother-in-law Let me her credit card and I had pay her back $50 a week for 10 weeks and I bought like, you know, three Suit jackets four pair pants two pants shoes, but that's like two checks. I was fucking getting done up Jack I was buying these attorney suits. Yeah. Yeah, and I felt like somebody like for a change I felt like somebody the drug addiction part was killing me, but the process like my dick would get hard I'd see how Salon would treat people and I'd go I would handle it and then I would just look at people and tell them How what I wouldn't tell the sale But I'd watch them and let's see how they fucked up the whole thing. Oh, totally got into a talking match

It's a lot like comedy Too many words. Yes, and the sales not gonna happen not gonna happen too many words You say the wrong word in there and they're like, yeah, you know, it's really wild It's got to be it's and also you have to love it when they know that you love the bike or the car They're on board, but if you're just kind of like yeah, you know, the thing I always got them with they'd be like These are kind of dangerous, right? And I'm like, yeah, if you're a pussy, you're not a pussy, right? No, well take it You know, you they don't want to look like a pussy. It was unbelievable. What was the most popular? Harley the fat the fat boy used to be huge fat boy

What's that go for the fat boy the fat boy right now go 18,000 and what's the one you had? Road King, that's 25 25 grand. Yeah, road king and then there's one right above it called the road Glide or the ultra that's the one with the big fairing and the music I had that one for years rode that across country and what's that go for new about 32 What do people usually put down on something like that? You only got to put down 10% But Harley for a while if you got good credit would take zero down zero zero down everybody will take zero down Yeah, you did numbers are right. Yep. Yep, exactly at least motorcycles. No, they don't lease and they never did that, but I

Got an interesting story for you. I was selling motorcycles and then I started to work at the factory and I was making some I was working there like four or five days a week. I go do a lot I was you know doing comedy I had got past at the factory and I was like working quite a bit and then all of a sudden They switched bookers or whatever and I wasn't working at all and had to go back to selling motorcycles So I had left a job was full-on comedy and then had to go back and when I went back I was selling beamers and they had a thing that was class

No motorcycles BMW motorcycles on Santa Monica Boulevard and they had a thing called the 3 Z Where you could buy a bike ride it for about a year or two and then Traded in it was like a lease and traded in for a new one. Just keep getting the newer model with no mile Restriction restriction at all which was wild. So I got on that people are like, you always got a new bike I was like, yeah, man I just get one ride the shit out of it and then get a new one because I was riding it everywhere doing comedy I was doing like 30,000 miles on a bike unheard of now BMW and what the state patrol you yep The highway patrol and so that's a good bike

One of the best bikes ever made and what are they how many bikes do they have like compared to they got like 10 10 models Really? Yeah, they have Seen a lot of BMW bikes and I always wonder about them. You know, I started off as a motorcycle Yeah, I come from the 70s Kawasaki. Yep, Suzuki. That's a Honda Yeah, I had the mini trail and then I moved right into fucking Kawasaki and Suzuki fell Nothing made my dick harder to be honest here than the Suzuki XL 80, right? That was the bike that broke my fucking spirit. Yeah, like that was the first time I had done speeds that I'd never done before. Oh, yeah, like the 50. I bought it out

You're like listening to Joe your 50 or pussy. I know yeah, yeah, I was 11. I was you know, but the time I was 12 13 I think I was 12. I got on the XL 80. Yeah, first thing on the Honda Honda made a 75. Yep. I forget what that was XL and then on Kawasaki made an XL my friend sold me on the fucking decked out 80 Suzuki and it was fucking great. Yeah, well Suzuki had the RM the RM, but I'm talking 73 74 75 yeah, and then I got that dirty Suzuki 125 yeah

You know cuz what we had was a group of guys that we all like the same bikes But what we do is I like the Suzuki you like the Kawasaki get the Kawasaki I'll get the Suzuki you get the fucking Honda and we'll just switch. Yeah, like we would just switch go get We I don't think we were getting high then. No, yeah, I would get hired. I never got high road motorcycles I was fucking paranoid. Yeah, just that little switch that I had to make with there's too many cars for me Yeah, and I still remember doing three on a bike. I still three on a bike I still remember Frankie Balzano driving me on the back holding on for dear life yelling and his girlfriend alone I'm Merton sitting on the handlebars

Three fucking and me holding on for dear life going. I'm gonna fucking die without a helmet on. Oh my god That was really my Explosion explosion, but you know my my breaking comedy was that first bit Nuts to butts about riding of my buddy riding on the back He crashed and I said get on I gotta take him to the hospital He's like, I'm not going nuts to butts with you and it killed it for it for a couple years People would be like nuts to butts all everywhere. I went. I thought I was gonna be there I thought that was gonna be the only bit I ever had. I remember talking to Delia about it. I got dude

Did you hear big big closer? How did you ever get so because yeah, you think you're never gonna get something and then one day It just happens. It was so weird though. So like my Comedy was from motorcycles, which is pretty interesting now. Do they hire anybody from motorcycles? Oh, you have to be a motorcycle enthusiast. Okay. Oh, can I tomorrow walk the BMW and go if you can do sales? Yeah, I've never I rode motorcycles Haven't been on one in close to 40 years. I've been on a motorcycle now I have not been on a motorcycle close to 40 years to him. No, right? Wow There was a time when I couldn't think straight like I had all the brochures. Yeah, I had all the magazines

You know my mom didn't really know what was going on like I had different helmets and Different bikes hidden and shit. Yeah, I don't want your mom to know I would save money I really had a 75 but I had an 80 around the corner and fucking Sabatino's garage His mother would pull me aside and say does your mom know about the bike of my garage? No, Mrs. Sabatino, don't worry about like you just I loved all that shit I still remember trading it and she didn't catch it. Oh, and then one day she came up from the laundry She's like, when did you get a bigger motorcycle? Like I was already on that trip when I was 12 I was making business moves left. I'm even known and they were playing catch up to me

Like what did you get the bigger motorcycle? Where'd you get the money from? Yeah, you know, I worked at the bar Did the numbers for a few weeks? You know when she would just shake head like you're always up to no good I was a helmet enthusiast. I loved helmets and shit. I fucking loved helmets So I'd be at that because this is I'm 11 guys. I'd be at the Kawasaki place checking off all day Helmets and bicycles. There was a Kawasaki place a mile from my house when I was a kid And today it's not there anymore But down the block is a white castle could you imagine that white castle would have been there when I was a kid Oh, you walk up 39th Street. You make a left and right there

It was round the corner and we'd walk up there. We'd ride first We'd ride till we couldn't ride anymore and go home take showers Then we'd walk up the hill and go to the car we place and fucking, you know, we were kids Yeah, yeah, yeah, I wrote I wrote forever, man. My first one was the You remember the minibikes with the brakes and stratton. Oh fun. More engine fuck. Yeah. Yeah, this kid Welded. Yeah, I'm well with the what with the fucking screws on the bottom It was only four screws holding that engine frame I remember this kid Dominic had a couple and he sold me one with my paper out money and it caught on fire

How much are these bikes eight dollars? What do you mean? How do you buying them in cash as a 12 year old? How I bought the mini how much was your like 50 bucks? That was your mini bike So the stratin would you have a bridge and stratin 10 or 15 horse engine you pull the thing Fucking throttle with the string would break. Oh break stick right open. You'd have to jump off it guys You have no idea for some people listen to the podcast. They remember they're old enough Oh, that shit's real that shit's real and then the string would break you'd have to take the fucking cover off it Oh, and we wrap it rewrap it. Oh, and then fucking pull it. I had I was very happy See like I told you guys listen

I just got my life together when I was 44 before that I just call it retard bill I had these bikes Retard bill. Yeah, I was retarded, you know many things like Joey. No, listen this listen to him telling you I was 12 years ago when I was about 12 or 13 I was set like I had all the bikes I needed all my friends like my other friend had an India Oh, yeah, India. Oh, you know, we all shared so you got a different experience I was very content in my life, but there was this wild man in my neighborhood Like he just didn't shoot at me because he shot darts at you from his window

He had three brothers that beat the fuck out of him and like four sisters there were checkers of hockey and My everybody he was a muscle He was a muscle the kid was just a muscle since we were kids We were kids one time we put a nail on the board He would have you put your hand on the board. Oh, and the nail went through it somebody was like a cereal What do you call those like killer if you had a walk to school? Yeah, he would sit this attic with a blowgun with the blowdarts and show darts at you So they didn't know where the darts were coming from like he shot like over 80 students and then one day they realized

It was his fucking lunatic This lunatic had one of those brings a strat. Yeah black beautiful finished The tires the whole fucking thing and one day he just mentioned it to me because I'm looking to get rid of it I don't know if I trade them. I cannot lie to you. I always tell the story I think I traded but I think I did pay him 40 bucks now that you've seen yeah when I went and I remember it was Christmas Eve And I walked three blocks to his house like oh, yeah, I think I want to buy your bike And he goes, you know whatever and he goes before you take it remember the seats not into the frame Oh, yeah, that's how they all were

And I remember taking home taking my time how to go downstairs It's like you had to go down these stairs remember what the guy told you and Charles court to put away the camera Yeah, little stairs. I rode those stairs in those days I would ride them on the bicycle like you were trained to ride down whatever you had And I still remember going down and it was kind of snow and bringing it home and then my buddy borrowed that bike My buddy heard me because I was trying to fix the seat. It was December 24th But 10 o'clock at night and I'm out in front of my house the garage door opened

Nobody's home. My mom's got a bar. Yeah, and my stepdad's at the bar as long as I closed the kitchen door the cold air couldn't go into the house So I would be out there with my jacket trying to screw the seat in and I'm revving it Yeah, because he was a fucking motorcycle nut. Yep. He was like a motorcycle bicycle In the book I was writing a lot of the other day that when you stole a bicycle or yeah, I do is wheeling into him Two days later, you'd see that bicycle and you're like, that's not the same bike. He's like, yeah He would paint it scrape off the VIN number. Yeah, put a new VIN on it Like he would make the badges himself the kid was a genius. Yeah, he's a dentist today. Oh He won't return my calls

He would fucking take the pop the thing off put a new but then he there was a number in the back of the bike That's how they would determine if your bike was stolen. He would buff that off with his father's fucking the bristles He had the bristles. Yeah. Yeah, and one night. I knew he was a boy He was like a bicycle enthusiast like if you had a bicycle, he had a ride at first His parents wouldn't let him ride a motorcycle, but he knew everything about him He knew eight is he about how to build a bicycle the insides and out like as soon as I was outside revenue It took eight minutes to hear all the storm windows going up. Yeah, and for his head to pop out And he came down and I had had him and the kid next to him was a white dude with a crew cut

He could fix anything. So any bike I got Michael Clemens was his name He would bore that motherfucker out. Yeah, which meant that you gave it extra ccs dudes out there like that So if your bike was an 80 bigger piston, yeah, he would add bigger pistons He would fucking do the spark plugs for you. I get goosebumps Yeah, Michael Clemens would come over to my house and go, you know what the problem with your bike is and he just started doing shit Dropping things changing oils Changing air filters. Are these even still allowed? Could be something motorcycle that you built Your cell I guarantee there's a couple. I'm still out. Oh, yeah

There's some vintage bikes out there. Also. I saw every year sears would sell that same mini bike at sears like which one The actual mini bike but that looked like the one you could oh, yeah Sears had one. You're right. You'd be like, oh, there it is. It's the same thing, but all nice I'll tell you what I almost bought. I almost bought a three-wheeler. Oh Oh, those days they were flipping already. Yeah, and they rip your foot off. They were flipping badly in those days Yeah, yeah, they were flipping by was ready to buy one and everybody was against it The three-wheelers everybody in those days were like, don't do it That's what I was gonna ask because like to me I would fall on a two-wheeler

I was like, but I was gonna say our three-wheelers. I wouldn't be ready to buy a three-wheeler You had somebody else made three-wheelers honda honda. They were the king wheelers atc atc and they talked me out of How did they rip your foot off? Well, it's three-wheel So you're riding and then it would tilt and your mind would say put your foot down But your back tire would run over your foot. Oh, no I didn't know that you would run over your own foot. So they made him a legal and they went to four wheels So they were three wheels for about three four years As a matter of fact, I was talking about them on my podcast and a guy goes I used to race those

And he sent he sent me some photos of him racing the three-wheelers. You can you can youtube it. It's wild It's still they still race the three-wheelers. They race the four-wheelers not the three-wheelers. Yeah, the three-wheelers Made a million except when I was about 12 I was gonna spoon the three-wheeler. Yeah, like me and a buddy of mine We're just gonna cut it on one and own one But everybody was like wait, we're number one. Where you gonna ride it the cops gonna pull you right over You're gonna bring too much heat Too much heat they let us ride it, you know and listen in those days

It was just like now If a cop sees you driving a dirt bike, he's gotta be right to pull you over Yeah, but if you're gonna tell him you're going to that park to ride it It's up to him. How cool you are Now they'll give you a tick and tow your bike instantly. So back then let's say the where I went to right now I live in fucking Noho But let's say I wanted to ride my bike and um Thousand ohs. Yeah, thousand ohs, correct

We would have to carry in the truck. We didn't have a truck. I'm gonna lie nobody We nobody had a truck with a fucking carrier. No We would ride those three miles and pray for the best Yep, and hope that a cop wouldn't see us and chase us all the back streets Yeah, oh I knew the cop never never never never and I would go on to route three You had to go on to route three for about a half a mile There was a cut in the weeds and once you went in there you were cut off You were cutting 30 miles. You could go for 30 miles, right?

That's before the metal ends and all that industry was built down there Just no man. There was a little shack. There was a little shack that sold hot dogs and shit And that was our control spot like we would go there park the bikes eat and then go into the bushes And then come out just the sun was setting And drip the soda there and eat the hot dog there. There was another one up the corner from snappy nappies. That was the extent Of my yeah snappy nappy go to snappy nappy Keep your tummy happy go to snappy nappies. They even had a jingle snappy nappy. It was tremendous It was on the side of the highway

It was on the side of the highway up the block to the gas station. I used to rob putt them fuel And then you go went down another 50 20 30 yards and that was that little hut that had hamburgers and stuff And you made a right in there into the way like you disappeared like the back cave Yeah, it was like the back cave like one minute like if a cop was chasing you you just veer off It was thin enough for a motorcycle, but not The road wasn't built for a car. Yeah, you're out of there like kids pass it down like, okay We'll show you how to get to this place I was showed

Those crazy dudes used to take me down there And the the walk It was like a four mile walk to the trains And if we wouldn't rob trains on the walk back, then you'd break punks Yeah, those sticks that you like to chase the mosquitoes away. Oh, yeah, yeah, and we each got 10 punks That's $10 because you sold them that's how you let your fireworks Yeah, that's how you let your fireworks, but you're so lit them in your back You had to keep the mosquitoes away if your family was too cheap to buy off

Off of the ring some of the ring the ring that you like the ring and the mosquitoes wouldn't come around But if you let a punk the mosquitoes wouldn't come around so I knew my way around those swamps The kids always tried to scam me. I don't know for sure. They said they had quicksand down there In jersey anything's possible. I love quicksand. They had quicksand. I never stumbled upon it I don't I think there were rumors people would say be careful down there. There's quicksand quicksand You'll get sucked into the mud, you know, and I think you're like, oh my god, how exciting Like to get sucked into the mud. So we have to pull you out and shit I never saw no quicksand that happened to me, man

I was rafting my mom bought a raft for my birthday and me and my buddy were rafting in this river And the tide would come in it would be full We didn't know anything about tides and then it went out and a boat was just kind of sitting there So I got out of it. Like I'll just pull the walk the boat out of the river bed All the way down stuck in there Yeah, they had to call a fire truck and they put the long ladder out and then pulled me out I was stuck in mud. It was because once the water's out, it's just Deep deep mud. How old were you? I was like 12 11. This is outside of San Francisco. Yeah, so I was scared out of my ass

Like I'm stuck. I'm gonna die You know, because it was just mud all the way and if you moved you sank me like like quicksand Oh, man, my buddy. How traumatizing was that? It was so wrong. How old were you? I think it was like 11 and and we were right at the Trussell and my buddy was in the boat still just yelling help Help for like a half hour and then someone had just happened to look over and then they called the fire And then I remember they were gonna try to charge my mom The fire truck charged the company, you know for helping me. She's like they're like, yeah

We're gonna have to charge you for rescue. She's like get the fuck out of here. That that really happened It's so nuts. It just hit me just now. I remembered that Yeah, that's that's something a lot of people don't know that I love and I still I still think about Buying a motorcycle getting the truck doing the whole thing. I just It was like if I moved to a remote area, yeah If I could just get on a motorcycle do 35 miles put a helmet on I don't need to fucking jump ramp. We were jumping ramps and oh, yeah I was doing all that stuff, you know

Burr and I went out to Riverside My buddy has bikes and a truck and he goes I'll take you guys out there So we went out to Riverside To they got like five tracks in this one place. They got the beginner track. You bring your own bike though Yeah, but he had a bunch of bikes this guy producer Ross Robinson. He's a famous producer So he took us out there And we got on the baby track and just rode all day And it was so much fun. Like there was like six year olds flying over us

Like completely over us like move you old fuckers Flying over us like batman shit, but we had the time of all right. We're out there all day We rode all day went home went right to bed just done Great. Yeah, you get three. Oh, yeah Especially when you're dropping it. There's a lot of thought involved When you're a kid and you're very alert you you're switching gears, you know, that's switching gears And then when you're right foot hitting and you're left fucking one down four up down four up That fucks you for a while when you're a kid and this shit all the time. Yeah, I've been doing this for

34 years now Yeah, my hand drove you rode cross country. That must be pretty crazy. It's great. I did it three times I went to Sturgis five times It's that's some of the best times in my life just out there riding with buddies to Sturgis That's so incredible You can't even believe it you're As long as you're not in the frame of mind of like if we crash out here, we're dead You can't get that in your head because you're out on these roads. There's no one

For hours, you know, like a car would come by and you'd be like, oh if you run out of gas There's no cell signal Because we said crazy weird backgrounds before I got locked up. I would ride a bicycle all over bold I believed, you know the bicycle lane. I had a beach Coma, is that what you call Beach Cruiser Beach Cruiser? Yeah, and I would ride in the morning to swimming class and sometimes I would ride at home and to work at At Hertz and sometimes I would ride, you know, because you gotta dress nice at Hertz You can't be riding a fucking bicycle. Yeah, you'd get all sweaty. So I would ride in the morning before I swim

I did the biathlons where you swim in the Boulder Lake and then ride your bicycle I fucking I like all that shit, but guess what guys The last 20 or 25 years. I just don't trust society in the streets. That's it I don't trust the people here and now more than ever That people are texting now I I don't even know how to feel about my daughter on a bicycle Because just because you think a guy is watching you on the side street that they're even worse

They're not watching you. They're texting. They're not watching at all. So my bicycle days are over. You want me to get a bicycle? I'll get a bicycle, but I'll spin around the park 80 times. I'll do that all day Yeah, but that's not what a bicycle is for now A bicycle is to fucking go out and explore and go for a three or four mile Into a park and look around and get off and drink some water and stretch your legs and you know But on the street at bicycle these guys like Terry used to work with a guy That would ride his bike from north Hollywood all the way downtown Whoa, and back and then get on the train to

Like chat's worth. Oh north Hollywood. There's like a train somewhere. Don't quote me on this crazy That takes balls. No, that takes fucking balls You're bad on out there. I would not be on that fucking one-on-one. Do you can you ride a bicycle on the one-on-one? No No, no, so it's all sides. It's all sides. I've never seen a bicycle on the one-on-one But I don't want to say something that yeah, I'm wrong here. You know, no people do it I see people walking and riding occasionally, but you can't do that. Well, I have patrol rolls up on you Didn't nick yusef ride a bike a lot. I used to ride a bike a lot. Yeah, it's uh I raised BMX that was that was one of the funnest times in my life

Just back in my almost place came close to BMX. I didn't that was the shit I was gonna get into it. It was gonna like my motorcycle career. I was already on a motorcycle So I didn't want to go backwards. It seemed like I was going backwards, but I had friends that were They would go up in the air and spin their fucking front tire It looked like a lot of fucking fun, man a couple weeks ago You know, my daughter has little girlfriends at schools and it's really hard for You to connect like the two kids to connect them for their parents to connect. Yeah. Oh, that's gotta be weird, right? It's weird and luckily enough

I've connected with three or four Parents to the cool ones a rider for a drama The other guy's an actor who's done the podcast I got another guy who uh, he's a video game designer and his wife's like a fucking World-leading chemist like a mad like a doctor in chemistry. She can make cocaine. I mean, I've never drilled her in Jersey she's very cool and one night we figured listen, why don't we all get together and Let the wives hang out let the kids hang out

We'll hang out and we ended up watching like something for a little while and then we're like You guys were at my house. I go, you know, I have an office. Why don't we come over to the office and I came over here with them I think Lee was doing comedy or Riverside that night or if not, I would have invited Lee and it was two of them and me and I put on you know, I was just putting on random shit, you know And I put on Pink Floyd first and we were basically talking about kids and and acting in his video thing But I threw on the first arrow Smith And after like two or three songs he goes

Let's stop this conversation. He goes. What is it that you have on? And I go arrow Smith and then he goes Jesus fucking Christ, you know, I bought arrow Smith in 99 with Jamie's got a gun and yeah, and I said he was that's not arrow Smith And I showed him the album company goes Jesus Christ. Where'd you get this from? I go, you know sadly enough what most people don't know is That they're one of the few few bands That really really really resurrected themselves Like Jesus like they did a better job than Jesus because Jesus left after 40 days

Yeah, these motherfuckers stuck around and now and then they're in their 70s, you know, Joe Perry's suffering From a bad kind of time right now. He's thinking of touring The other guy was on rogue and really opened up my eyes, but Stephen Tyler. It's sad that people have forgotten You know people are bringing up blackface from that governor in virginia Don't bring up blackface and bring up fucking if you're gonna bring up something from 1975 Bring up toys in the fucking attic. Yeah Yeah, bring up the good stuff, you know, we have a lot of young listeners on the show, you know We play a lot of music here. Yeah, I've seen those guys and I'm still waiting for that new material to come out

What are the new young guys? I really call the next the next Led Zeppelin. Yeah, what's that name? Greta van fleet great band but come back to me when you do five albums Yeah, come back to me after physical graffiti. Okay, and then talk to me. That's the problem people do three songs and we jump up and down I'm not taking nothing away from Greta nothing like that What I'm trying to do is establish our story that we're trying to tell to let people know that The first six aerospace albums Five because you like night in the ruts. I don't yeah, I like parts of it and then today I found out why because half of it is Tyler. Yeah, the other half is Crespo. Yeah, Jimmy Crespo Tyler quit in the middle of Joe Perry Joe Perry quit. I'm sorry

We're both two aerosmith guys. Yeah Describe to them what aerosmith was in the 70s I saw aerosmith the first time you saw aerosmith 1978 And it was that one of those dandelions with Ted I saw the head. That's exactly right. So that's the same time I saw I have a photo that I put on my instagram about two months ago that I found online It's probably one of the greatest rock photos. I've ever seen. It's just Joe Perry He's got that gray streak leather pants. He's playing that red bc rich and he's facing the drummer So you just see the crowd behind him

they were It was called monsters of rock and they were just a massive massive rock machine like Everybody knows like the five tunes and it's not even about that. It's about the deep tracks You know like too bad uh Moving on uh that one, uh

Another one. I love rats in the cellar Nobody's fault. Nobody's favorite one that nobody knows about them Just all these deep tracks are the ones that blow my mind that you just go like listen to this song And they sound so original. So only been right now with all original members still That's crazy out there. But those albums are massive mass and when you listen to them especially like You know when you get into rocks Uh, get get your wings those tunes on there are just insane and the two guitar players

It's it's phenomenal. It's it's weird for me because I grew up around them And they weren't my number one. Yeah my number one, of course There was a fight between Sabbath and Led Zeppelin and you know, then you had everything else stood online whether it was skinnered Judas priest was a close second. You know, I loved priest growing up. I love skin and I loved so many different bands but when uh The first arrow smith, I'm not gonna lie to anybody and tell you The first thing I ever heard about arrow smith was people having an argument Me being a geek basketball player

starting a smoke pot And being at the courts one day and hearing an argument between older kids About how arrow smith was done. You're never gonna hear from them again. They're on heroin the room is out You know, I'm me going who gives a fuck about arrow smith. We got Led Zeppelin thrown fucking running shit. Yeah, you know, but then Going to somebody's house and listening to rocks like getting high And usually I have a name in a place. I don't remember where I was where I was getting high and going. Who is that? They go arrow smith rocks And the next day I got up and I walked up to the fucking music store and I bought arrow smith rocks

And I put it on and I was completely blown away and I did something I very rarely did in those days I put on the second album. I was very naive and very If I didn't hear the song before I wouldn't put it on and when I heard that second side and I didn't know what drugs were that I knew what marijuana was but when I would listen to that I knew it was heroin Like I just knew it was heroin. Yeah, these guys are into pills or heroin Something's not fucking right here. This is too good. Yeah, and that was it. That was my arrow smith thing I was consumed by zeppelin and sabbath and

And then I had a friend that turned me on to get your wings And I was blown away after that. I get your wings destroyed me like that cut even on Train kept the rolling. I know joey, but it's a remake. I know I know they stole it from some blues people But how they did it? Yeah, it's studio and then it turned into live, you know, it was just so I didn't know I didn't know the order You know After get your wings was when I truly got into and I went out and did what anybody else did I think I bought toys in the attic. Oh, that's the first one I got that was a good album, but it wasn't rocks to me

And and it wasn't definitely get your wings and then I bought draw the line Which I like that's kings and queens and all that shit. I love kings and I love that song I love kings and queens. Yeah the guitar solo on kings and queens And now i'm full fledged aerosmith. I hopped the first one with dream on I'm full fledged aerosmith and my problem was For years, it's not that I've been lying. It's that I've been Choosing the words not the right words I went expected I went expecting

A studio album when I saw I'm open up for Ted, right and it wasn't a studio album. It's them very loose So I didn't enjoy them And we left after half of Ted we started walking out because we had to walk home And we had to walk home on the metal lines, but we could still hear Ted on route three On the walk home. You can still hear fucking Ted from the stadium and then After that, I just bought night in the ruts and then they broke up Yep, and it was shortly after that when I became a real like it was too late already

Right those days when I this time I had friends I had seen aerosmith open up for Sabbath and 76 like People had all these aerosmith stories and I had missed them and then They came and they played from the metal lands so think of being at the la forum on One year selling out people drooling all over you

and then Three years later being that what's the worst rock club in Hollywood? Oh, yeah, just being at like, uh I would say You know Like actually over in the valley fm station. That was the old. Yeah, that's that's what they were They were the soap factory richfield park, new jersey Which at least had the dignity and play new york city

But they probably didn't I just wasn't right to it And I went there and they were a fucking heroin mess And that was that without joe perry because I was that was without joe perry. I saw that same thing They played the sacramento state fair And oh, they were painful and that was the the song on that tour was lightning strikes. Yeah, that was the video That was a video. That was the baseball but horrible horrible horrible horrible. They were he was So fucked up on that tour He just stood up there my fist your fate. It was crazy out loaded. He was

It was wow him somebody throwing a joint to him and him lighting it And then flicking it back at the audience and there was a problem Then there was a fight he got punched in the face a couple times and that was the end of the show and I'm like aerosmith Is done. Yeah, and then that's when I really got into aerosmith 82 83 in snowmass village Yeah, I was really getting into rocks get your wings every day On saturdays, I would go out on a limb and go draw the line Yeah, I was a real aerosmith guy and I was it was too late

It's like I got into two bands when they were already done the eagles. Yeah 19 I got into the eagles as a kid, you know, everybody had hotel california course Everybody had hotel california, but then I lost track time moved on. I got into girls sucking titties And then when I got into Aspen when I lived in basalt My roommate had the the long run Oh great and I had gone from I had missed everything in between. Yeah the eagles Hotel california in the long run and the long run it was too late already the eagles had broken up

And here I am sitting coked up in the fucking my bedroom with earphones on Listening to the fucking long run. I love the long run. I think it's so underrated. It's one of the greatest greatest Eagles records that song, uh, you know boom boom Boom boom. Oh, yeah those shoes. Yeah, they got like six or seven songs in there What that was my problem. I got into both those bands and they were done Couldn't go see him live and I don't know, you know, what you're into right now I don't know what your people listen to do me a favor Next time you're gonna take a flight or an unusual long car ride skip a podcast

Either put on get your wings Start off with that Either get your wings. You can start off with any of the first six in well, don't tell deemed out He likes that at the ruts. There's only one song. I like from the ruts the remake of the charelle song. Yeah Uh walking in the sand. Oh, that's a great one. That's the only song I like on that album I played it a couple weeks ago. People were booing me. Oh, fuck you booing you really Like there's two albums that you play from that for some reason my friends on twitter don't like oh, that's hilarious Every time I play something from technical ecstasy. Yeah, they always hit me

There's one guy that hits me with that line from fight club. Yeah, you know the first rule about technique The first rule of black People hated it. I loved it. I think it's great. It's weird as fuck. It's weird as fuck But uh like and then one day I put in that Song from night the rats. Yeah walking in the sand somebody hit me with that rule number two This album does not exist. There's some shit. I'm like, ah, this is Dean Dean keeps I listen to it again because you told me you go. Yeah, you listen to it and I listen to it again and there's it's got it's

But it's not that And done with then so now they disappear. Yeah, I moved to fucking Aspen, Colorado. I'm living in a hotel And I'm watching MTV And not Nina black, but but the white girl with the short blonde hair. Oh, yeah Uh, she came out one day. I'm stoned. I'm watching MTV and she comes on and says uh You know because MTV in the 80s, they would give you that they would give you MTV news Then they would give you tidbits at the top of the album. I love that. I love that that that kept your

You know Ozzy's making a comeback last night in fact the other day was the 40th anniversary He bit the head off the head. It wasn't the 40th or something like that. I heard it somewhere That's crazy And she came on and said uh rumors weren't wild Mildly circling and they showed a high school in boston It could have been a cat the school. I don't know what it was, but they showed Errol smith rehearsing in the auditorium Oh, wow I'm like Errol smith is making a comeback. Holy shit. And then they put out done with mirrors

Yeah, ted templeman produced that the guy that did all the van halins. I got that and it was god awful I loved it. It just was not What I was used to I went to see the joe perry project. Oh, yeah Mormon singing. Yeah, and heart was opening up for them. Who's also going on tour now hearts Fuck it. We're getting some of that milkshake money. So great. Yeah, the chubby one said that's it. I'm going on neutral systems It's 12 a week. I'm putting the girl out. I'm going up there. I'm singing for an hour. I'm going to that If El John could do it I could do it I'm going to that I had nancy on the podcast the other sister the guitar player the blonde

Yeah, she broke the news on my podcast And it went wild people are like they're getting back together as heard on dean delray's let there be talk everywhere I was like, you know, this is a score Getting this this news. I couldn't believe it So, yeah, I'll go to that But yeah, so then they announced the done with mirrors record and I didn't like that and then out of nowhere, you know By this time guys at 85 86 I'm beating to the drum. I'm beating to a different drummer. You know what I'm saying? I think I had music

Yeah, I always had music in my house. Yeah Through all the moves you just lose albums and cassettes and there's somebody else's albums or something like that So I had lost my way with aerosmith And I think I was into you too the uh, oh that's killer Joshua tree a great record and uh, the big album was uh death lepid hysteria 87 massive massive And then somewhere before that was when they did walk this way or run DMC. Yep

And fucking everything changed for them. They they came back bigger than what they were in the 70s And you look at back at it and you really can't believe it a lot of people don't know They think it all started with jamie got a gun and armageddon and all that or dude looks like a lady And I'm not taking nothing away from that time period of them. I just like the earlier Yeah, five up six because need no reason. Yeah, I like the earliest six albums just because I don't know. I'm a Stoic type of guy. I remember what they meant to me at that time

They were just dirty. They were dirty Aerosmith is a lot like death lepid Where you and I Love death lepid before even anybody they know him from from hysteria on But we know him from on through the night and high and dry And and and pyromania this morning. I opened up the week with uh, the first out now rock brigade Oh, yeah, watch out for the rock brigade. No, no, I opened up with I you know When you when you're a fan of a band, you're a fan of a fucking band totally you're a fan because you buy all their work

You look at all their work. You compare all their work on your own You don't have to have a panel and call your best friend. You're just going wow on this album. They let the bass go a little more On this album the lyrics see you were a little more, you know, I listened to a lot of deal Which Sabbath and I'm like, who wrote all those fucking songs love that shit, you know The writing is very important to me. I like you know, that's why I got on I'm still 50 something years old Totally, and I still you know, they closed that fucking record shop in Burbank. That's what you said. That's crazy That people don't know Burbank

Like you you hear about all these cities in the country Burbank has a no rent Low rent no rent control. Oh no rent control. Oh no wonder So I I was doing voiceovers like I've been doing voiceovers not not booking them people You go on a lot of auditions first with voiceovers. You have to put it on mp3 And send it in I just did one for Buffalo Wild Wings for The fucking uh stupid fucking March madness. I hope I get it. Oh, I don't get none of those things that they sent me on But I was going to a lady

You go over there to a pass avenue Yeah And she's had that office for 18 years and you go in there you pay her 20 bucks And she puts your voice over nice packages for you sends it to the agent sends it to the casting director, whatever you need She'll do it for you. I've been using her all along. It's working And one day she just called me out of the blue and she goes i'm not gonna be here no more She goes they doubled the rent on me for the spot. Like what are you talking about? She goes they doubled the fucking rent on me So she moved to st. Petersburg florida. She still says she's doing auditions

She sends the auditions long distance and she goes if I book something I still got a good friend Van eyes or something she said that I could stay with but it wasn't worth it for me no more and then my wife When she went for the Baby's birthday cake she walked in and she said Your record shop is closed That sucks, man And then something else closed in burbank something else and that whole strip

They had a whole big article about it. Okay. They did have the article about it. Yeah Like the way the raising rents everywhere now and it's fucking burbank is out of control It's crazy as you could tell they're gonna not care like you could tell this area here Oh, yeah Denny's up on lankishing after the motorcycle place there even the motorcycle place. It's gone the motorcycle place is gone It's all gonna get torn down They're gonna do a but burbank closed that record studio, but I saw that new one in hollywood That's great. Anna and you now. I'll meet this closing also

Now they're not closed and they're gonna move they uh, I heard they found a new building I'm waiting to hear right right around the corner of something we're waiting waiting for the announcement But they're not closing they're just moving because they sold that building And the guy's gonna do something there. I like that place because Again, I'm very I like omibia. Yeah, I like omibia. I like omibia because anything I go into omibia looking for It's there. I love it. You can get lost in there. You get lost in there, but you also could go in there and drop $9,000 It's without knowing they tell they heavy they hit you heavy And I don't mind getting hit heavy for something but

Every time I got one time I did get a tremendous deal omibia I saw the same arm on ebay for a yardstick Yeah, and I'm like before I buy it for a yardstick. Let me see what we've got omibia for 10 bucks So i'm not here bad mouth on omibia. Omibia's come through for me a lot of times But sometimes you're gonna omibia this 50 hours for a fucking album. I know I paid $7.99 for this fucking album 20 000 years ago Why is it $59.99? I try to buy them on the road like we're fine out with marin We hit up some record store in in small cities where

You know, they think $15 is a lot and you're like these are 15. They go. Yeah, sorry. It's kind of steep You're like, cool. Let me get all of these you know because they're still in the in the times of low low prices And every time I go to hollywood, I always send them in some places that go to omibia Until you go over there And they got a nine car wait list to get into that little garage There's no parking around the fucking corner and you circle it circle it circle it circle it

And then you finally go fuck this and you just shoot up kawing and come home That's all I could think of. Yeah every time I go to hollywood. I was going today's the day. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to omibia And I fucking go up cold whatever that street is. Yeah, I'll sing you like Really? There's four cars waiting to get in that means 20 minutes before I find and sometimes it's quick Sometimes it is and sometimes you go in and you have the parking spot right next to the fucking stairs. Oh, I love Oh, I love that. You run up and there's posters everywhere. Yeah Bands and fucking photos and you go in there. But like I said, like

You know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna go to date night and two fridays And take my wife and fucking go to omib and just go crazy because I haven't been it's great And that's the best time to go anyway friday nights. Oh, I know that is the right night is the best time to go It's empty. Nobody bothers you. You zip right in there. You can spend an hour I love looking at my wife and going see you later. Here's my trick I park in the arc light parking lot across the street And you get the ticket And then I just have them

Have them validate three dollars and then I'm I can be an amoeba for hours hours Just no problem And not have to worry about it. Don't leave a parking lot. You don't have to pay. No, you're not to pay But if it's full I don't want to park on the street like miles away trying to find something and core, you know that area down there Oh, it's there. There's some homeless down there. It's It's uh, it's just ground. Yeah, it's just a bit too fucking much. What's on that? It's it's just a bit

But that area. No, no, no, no guys. Yeah, I lived around the block from there for 10 years Yeah, I lived on schrader from 2000 to 2000 fucking nine I was a block from there. I used to walk to omibus fat as I was I could walk through omibus No problem. Walk through omibus. No problem. I would walk all around their fucking neighborhood stop at the jack in a box I hadn't gone to that jack in the box in a long fucking time. Yeah last moment that jack in the box I had to be when I first started dating my wife 2000. Yeah, I love jack in a box like I mean like when I was young it was just so wacky It was like when I was growing up. I wasn't allowed to eat that shit jack in the box was up in the Bronx

Yeah, oh Brooklyn and it was scary jack in the box in the fish place. Yeah, there was a fish place long done silver No, there was one before that in the east coast. It was a chain on the east coast. They were nasty Yeah, you would get sick every time you ate my mom didn't let me do you know, I wasn't allowed to eat fast food growing up Oh, I didn't eat any of that either Let's just after baseball games when I went to Miami. I would eat fast food around my cousins Yeah, but if I was home around my mother, I wasn't allowed to eat fast food It's so funny and there's nothing better than a fucking big mac Oh, the old school

Big max. I don't like double burgers. I'm like I can't eat double patties. That's too much When I take my daughter to McDonald's now I control myself. I don't eat no fries, but I eat like the mini they have a mini Not wapa. That's disgusting burger king is done. Didn't we get burger king one time we threw out the window I think there was someone else. I you told me you had a chicken sandwich or something. Yeah, we ordered food We started with your wife. I think wasn't it you and your wife? Somebody means threw it out the window threw it out the fucking window It was so fucking bad burger king used to be delicious. Oh burger king Back when it tasted great. Oh flame-boiled whopper. Oh, it had flavor

Yeah, the fucking those chicken sandwiches were the first it was dammed wendys Ah, I love the square burger when wendys first came up. No, no when wendys first came up. I was a fucking Chicken colored type of motherfucking wendys dog. I was never really a fucking burger guy at wendys And that chili you're eating somebody's lamb Little girl somewhere going misu misu I don't know what you call them that lamb misu. I don't fucking know. No That's just too crazy. I went to square burger big time. I loved it But when I moved here, I was struggling on sunset when I lived with charge wolf

Oh that 99 cents cheeseburger and a 90 cents a cup of chili Best two for three dollars you'd eat And when you couldn't afford horse walk, you always had fucking that 99 cent cheeseburger The junior cheeseburger for 99 cents and they give you a nine cents 99 cents cup of chili I would go in there like it was mottons I would walk in there with five bucks like it was mottons Yeah, they'll be eating their slow and shit getting like extra crackers to dope up the chili Then you really get full. Yeah, people have no idea what suffering is

When you go into a chili and it's mottons I got me the chili. I remember somebody telling me to eat fucking salad once and I almost took my glove out smack them in the face Joey D is the buddy salads from down from I used to live on those Two burgers for a dollar from where am p.m. Across the street from the whiskey the grossest shit ever But it was two for a dollar burgers are good too. Yeah, and they are And then I when the guy wasn't looking I'd go over to the nacho cheese and blast it onto the burger and wrap it back up So to have nacho cheese on the burger

Two for a dollar and then a bio pack of cigarettes I remember being broke as death and flying out of lax and they have that am p.m On the corner of a century. Yeah, and I would go in there and I'd see those two cheese burgers And I'd be as happy as fuck but Those are the kind of food they eat and you say a prayer when you take the last bite Because you don't know where you're gonna end up. It's like coming to this office You don't know what you're gonna eat a touch by mistake. You might be doing heroin You might be doing PCP or chimeteam

Ketamine ketamine You'll know what you're doing in this fucking office It scares me about those like getting diarrhea immediately as soon as you get on the plane Well, you know you when you build up a tolerance when you're a starving comic. Yeah, you build up a talent You do You do I remember it always had a pickle. I would just immediately just fling the pickle like a coin on a skipping on a river You know that that pickle is disgusting

That pickle was old when it got there. It's all burnt into your bun. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no It's like the it's like the pickles from white castle You got to think twice before you buy them told me see you later to that pickle Immediately, it would just be flying down sunset People have no idea those three or four years that you really You're eating just to exist as a comedian. That's it. You're reading at the club, which is horrible And when they give you extra food, your dick would get hard. You were broke. Yeah, I broke when you did an improv You felt like you're eating like a king. Oh my god. What about the first time you went to the comedy magic club?

They gave you the salmon. Oh, what's the go? Oh one to go one to go. It's like giving you $2,000 in the old days It's crazy improv in the old days. I got out there. Fuck if they were offering one to go You bet your ass I took whatever the fuck they were giving I go in that kitchen take the onion rings season fries artichoke dip You just learned to eat that shit because that was uh, that's you don't know no better. You don't know when you're eating next No, yeah, I um, I still remember being in michigan man living off those subway sandwiches as as bad mouth As I bad mouth subway. Yeah those veggie and cheese sandwiches. They were they fucking I thank them

I thank them that should be their their motto subway We get you through it You know your dirt poor we get you we we we supply the nutrition to get your dreams You know like it's just really crazy to think about this shit. You eat on the road like I never went rogue and they tie and I never won rogue. I didn't eat a and p.m. I never I never ate hummus I never won against my fucking whatever. I never broke down and was forced to eat like donkey blood Everything I ate I ate with a smile and I said a prayer while I was eating

And some we she ate better than others. Yeah, like some weeks you ate better than others You know, you and I go into houston, texas March 7 through the fucking 9. I don't even know april april april march 789 march 789 You know I used to go to houston And it was just an eating fest. Yeah Like I know I was going to houston the snort coke And eat and both of my value just as much conny was the third on the list. Yeah

It was the fucking food, you know, yeah It's but now I wouldn't need half that shit I used to eat now Now it's all about eating clean good stuff. Well, it's amazing I don't try to eat meat at night anymore like the 50s are really, you know Yes, I don't know if you guys know what happened yesterday. We tried to do a podcast here Lee and I ate some edibles and For the second time in the fucking in the podcast career. I fell asleep While I was talking to Steve Simone

Oh, man And what happened was like last may I gave up on the animals like I started Going away from edibles like maybe last april All together and then I dropped off the map from edibles. I was yeah, you were always on those stars Yeah, and you quit them there fucking your stomach up or something something was not right So I had to determine what uh What the cause was so I had to make a list of elimination right right and it came up with milk It was milk and dairy that were really killing me mozzarella cheese

Were really killing me and something was just wrong with my stomach. So I just gave it all up And after I gave it up, I realized how toxic We were eating those those edibles to toxic you feel it's like when you go to the dentist and he gives you a prescription of Norcos the first two are great The second two are great But after four days of them once you wean off them you're gonna go. Jesus christ My body's working overtime. Yeah to get me back normal. That's how bad they are for your body You have to work out and sweat. You know that shit clings onto your fat like when I used to be a valium sale

I used to love I used to love selling valium. I had this connection in long mark But half when you take a 10 milligram of half-valium your body only uses five The other five gets stuck to your fat. Oh, that's insane. You didn't know that Well, no, because I I always knew you had to take a tank because the fives were weak weak because there's only two and a half That stick to your fat. I never knew that we take a ten Your body only uses 50 percent. Yeah, that's why the next day when you get high at four in the afternoon You're fucking not out during the news because you're releasing your body releases

It's a time release If you eat 10 of those valiums every night, they just stuck up in your system If you don't sweat to have a drink a lot of fucking water, you'll feel the toxicity After you stop doing them And that's how I felt when I got off the edibles in april or may or march whenever it was Two months later. I'm like There was a little something extra in those fucking things. Yeah, you start feeling way better. It just wasn't thc Yeah, I'm saying well, maybe it was thc. Maybe I'm wrong. Yeah, but I clean them up and every day

It's like what people say to you when you're an addict Just because you're not doing that drug Doesn't mean that your addiction has grown you can be clean for 10 years from coke And all you need is that one line to get you going and you're right back where you were That's what's going on with the country with her just reset that you just reset that you died because you do the Same amount. Yeah that you were doing when you quit. Well, let me tell you something bro Me and lee and you're the witness you you were here when we did leave from outer space Yeah, you were here many a time when we fucking were fucked up the shit

Those edibles that we get now those capsules. What's the name? Yeah, uh, it was the uh, what is this? Absolute extracts that we got them from sam show abx abx those things are no joke And lee will tell you there's no fucking joke with those 200 milligrams and you're night night What 300. Yeah, and you're done like shit's moving You can't stop eating like imagine me on just a hundred The first time I ate them. I must ate six sandwiches done I hope and every sandwich I keep saying this is gonna be the last one. Oh

I ate apples. I ate fucking bananas. I ate cashews. I fucking just Yeah, you just fuck shit up. I can't do that no more Well, these paranoid to eat at night these have to be for like cancer patients that don't have what do they say on them? with H2o and I got oxygen in them and shit. Yeah, these things go right into your system Dog, I felt it halfway during the podcast yesterday. We can't we can't release that podcast Yeah, oh, we had a guest who was who we had some we were sitting around here for a while waiting Not for steve's for someone else

But yeah those and the thing about those is is Animals take a while to kick in sometimes. I ate that 30 minutes before I got in when I walked in the door I said to myself How fucking hungry am I? And my wife, I just made a tremendous lunch for me in the door. I go. How can I be hungry? We got so hungry. Yeah that we paid 60 bucks for three sandwiches. Oh delivery here And they had to deliver them before the podcast Ha ha ha

That's how high we got by 230. We had to order sandwiches and how fast did they go down? There was a little sausage one and lee kept looking at it. Like I didn't know it was over that. I didn't know steven Who's gonna eat it? And finally we just we ate those sandwiches without saying and somone was not hot Yeah, it was just me and lee And then I popped another one. I go lee. Let's do another one. That was it It was night night after that I wish I were to see that because I'd never seen you out like that myself right here Telling a story and just waking up and lee and somone going. Oh my god

And then I left here. I went home and I was watching cartoons with the baby every 15 minutes She would poke me and go daddy wake up I was fucked up She went in the tub. I went back there and talked to her. I don't know what she said Yeah And then I went out to the couch and I told you guys that I was I was hungry last night and I'm like This is not happening Because she just went grocery shopping. So I know there's baloney in there baloney somewhere in that fucking

Because she makes it for the kids the sandwiches for school. Yeah, so she hides it because I'll get up I'll cut ahead of lettuce And I'll stop making baloney and cheese sandwiches with lettuce until the cows come home a little busted I told you I have no reason to lie to anybody. Yeah Two three weeks ago one night I the first night I got those was a tuesday And I got on stage. I got off stage and I go, how bad could they be? I popped one And when I got off stage in the original room, I was already feeling the tinglies By the time I got all the little king and I could eat a fucking mule

About going to yum yum fucking them up and I controlled myself. I'm not going to yum yum Somebody told me that yum yum got a great jalapeno croissant. Oh you put turkey on this I'm fighting. I'm not going to yum yum And I went home and I sat there and bro. I just started going off First it was two or three bananas Then there was a red apple Then I started in with the cashews. Oh, yes, I eat the cashews. I'm hungry. I'm done after that It's why every man for myself. So I made one baloney sandwich with american cheese and lettuce

drank a coke zero Fuck and I drank a night another sandwich You gotta stay off. I think I really ate four sandwiches a four sandwiches and the thing is it It doesn't even seem like you're eating a sandwich Like it seems like if you have like one two bites and then they're gone It was crazy. It really is. This is if you really want to get high find those things I think the people that these are designed for people that get chemotherapy because

They're not that is chemotherapy. Your body's rattled. I knew that last night because you're not hungry and this will make you crazy I'm telling you that last night there was a point where I looked at my body the couch And I looked like one of those fat guys my 600 pound Shamu I was I had my two legs on two different foot rests And I was spread out on the couch and I was giving myself till 10 o'clock. I go 10 o'clock I gotta stay up till 10 And I kept saying I'm gonna make a protein shake and finally I threw this one ham ham ham cock My left leg I finally picked it up got on the couch and I go

I'm gonna make a protein shake before I go to bed because it's better to drink a protein shake before you go to bed So you rebuild your muscles. I was scared to take the nine steps I went into the bedroom. My wife was reading a Kindle. She goes, that's it. I didn't even answer I just took off my shirt took off my sweats. I usually put pajama bottoms on I went to bed with my me on these And she was talking to me bro. I cuddled up. I put that sleep apnea mask on with that hose sticking out I put the fan on 10 Usually it's on four. It was like blowing wigs off and shit

I fucking hit it hard. I didn't call nobody. I didn't talk I didn't plug my phone in before I went to bed. That's how fucking high it was Dude, you're a fucking pro imagine rookies on that. Oh imagine I pass out it The heat's on here because it's sort of wintry. Yeah, he left at like five-ish He called me a couple times And I it was like about six And you wake up, but you don't know you're asleep So you kind of wake up startled a little bit and I was sure it was eight o'clock. It was 10 p.m

Shit, I woke up here a week ago at 7 a.m Oh man, I I got up. I go. Why isn't the podcast up? I go. I don't even want to know Oh, yeah, because I was just as high when I was four we had we'd four of them that night I called him at nine. He goes, you know, I gotta believe it And I left him here at eight thirty. Yeah at night And he said he woke up at six three in the morning Done done. These things are fucking done the coma. The lights are all like like everything's on the window I'm done with edibles. That's it. I'm done. Yeah, all right. Let's write the time down

You're done with edibles. What's the date today? February 11th by February 11 funeral for the edible in six hours Bro, this morning. I woke up Rob. There's two left in here though. No, it's one for me and one for Lee That's the good. Yeah by yellow brick road. Yeah. Yeah, at least father's coming So we're gonna give him two of those. Oh, shit. Just put him on the couch and rub his little head He wakes up on four days later. It says what the fuck happened. I don't remember my vacation in california. That's insane They're fucking insane So, yeah, man, we're going to houston. We're also going to minneapolis in the 19th. I can't wait and we're going to uh Milwaukee Milwaukee on the 20th of the papis deal. I'm like, I'm happy that you

Had a chance to come on. I wish people Really listened to all these arrow smits out. I wish we Convinced some young people to fucking put the first five six albums on Yeah, the fucking first album is tremendous. It's filthy dirty rust. You know, uh, it's got the original dream on Originally, you know, yeah the dream on masterpiece and obviously anyone can listen to it, but just like one of the first times I ever went to your house joy was you showing me arrow smith and just giving me like

Like, can you tell because we have a lot of people in boston like can you tell the people in boston? Like why if they haven't listened to aris, but like what arismas meant to boston that time because like that You just think about it. You think about 1973 through 76. What was going on? The red socks were on top of their fucking game. The selfics were on top of that game the patriots They went to the superbowl with andre tippin, but they lost. Yeah, I don't know what the hockey team was doing the boston ruins But it was a tough city. Yeah, I didn't I had never gone. I'm not gonna tell you I've been I've never been to boston But I knew Just from reading just from how Dave Collins played the game. Just how the coaches. I knew it was a sport city

Oh, yeah, totally. So you think about this in 1976 or 75 the red socks went to the world series against the Cincinnati Reds And boston was still playing locally around, you know, whatever. I mean, there were huge After the the album that made them was draw the line. Yeah, no Yeah, the fourth album was the one that put them internationally and they really Well, what do we got? We got um toys in the attic had uh had the hit on it walked this way Right. So toys in the attic was the second or the third one. That was a big big record. That was a big That's the one that kicked them over. It wasn't draw the line. Yeah, it was toys in the attic because it had big tenage Yep, and walked this way and a bunch of shit

so, you know Think about boston at that time think about there's no internet think about There's really no 200 channels It's just you the south ticks the red socks the Bruins Or the fucking new england patriots and this is banned out of boston That's on the national level

With led zappelin and you know, so think about how hard it was to creep out of boston those days It wasn't like, you know, it was tough. There's a lot of shit going on. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. You want me to see long-haired people? Yeah, I go to the boss of Celtics and sit there with gentlemen with military crouton You know, john havel check was the staple of boston then you see with john john havel check was like a fucking quiet boy Yeah, his hair's done on the side. He's number 17 You know boston had this reputation. He has these dirty guys Supposedly they want heroin and that's why by the way Uh, not to throw anybody off recommended reading if you're gonna listen to these aerosmith's album

And you do your homework assignment wrap it up take care of yourself and buy the book walk this way That's the book. I think it came out 98 That's crazy Buy the book walk this way. Bobby. Don't send it to me. I got it at the house He'll send me any book. We talk about how we got at the house Boba lingon says I'm man in chicago But uh walk this way is a tremendous book Because it's not the band's story from the singer or from the manager

It's from all five of them and you can see how people's perspectives is that's why I liked about it that someday me you Rain and basio and lee will tell the story about What we did for lee and honor space. Yeah, and you're gonna say we did heroin rain is gonna say we did ecstasy I'm gonna say we did 22 Thousand edibles and lee's gonna say. I don't know what I did. There was a lot everybody's story. I did acid I did this I did that you know what i'm saying? So it's everybody's story and I learned a lot I learned about the perspective of their band

And it also taught me about what a band perspective is. I never looked at it through those eyes Yeah, you know, we're standing up comics. We worry about ourselves I gotta worry about lee not doing too much heroin and how d that's the worst Losing one of your guys. It's like vietnam. Yeah, and these guys kept it together I mean towards the end they didn't talk to each other to see that interesting Dynamic that they still got to put out an album called rocks and it was tremendous and at the time They were not talking to one another. I don't think tyler. Yeah, that's so bizarre They were just crossing the night and day

One guy was singing at night and one guy was laying his tracks down on the daytime And I think it ended because perry's wife threw a drink At somebody else's wife after a show. I forget the story, but it was definitely. Yeah It was definitely that kind of shit disrespect my wife or whatever right one of those Joe perry lapley started the project and whatnot. They're getting a star this week Are they on hollywood boulevard? What day? I don't know what day it is. Uh, can you look that up? They're getting a star and then they're gonna kick off their residency in vegas and i'm gonna go to that

If you're gonna be playing vegas, I guess all year on and off a residency And uh, they played last night somewhere in hollywood Uh for like a charity and they opened with back in the saddle. I watched it online Did they really how'd they look they look great? How'd they sound sounded great? I saw them three years ago at the staples. They were mind-boggling thursday thursday They're getting a star and they're getting it right in front of mit which is musicians institute Uh, where all the people learn to play guitar drums and all that right there on hollywood boulevard by the rippley's believe it or not Okay, yeah, which is oh thursday. I leave i'm done. Damn. I'm in san jose motherfucker

One shows early shows already sold out The late show there's maybe 50 tickets left. So do what you need to do. You know, I love to see you I can't wait to get up to san jose go to original joes and do my thing We're still hooked up for march to go see the michael shankler experience. Yeah, we're going to that whiskey. Yep three nights Three nights. I like to do one night with you. Yeah. Yeah, just see that We're going joey's going to see michael shanker and i'm happy you're back, man How long are you back for? Long time, buddy. Okay. You see me long time. Yeah I've been long time. I'm happy you're back and you will definitely be back for the

We're gonna do a podcast to commemorate the 40 year And they're truly it's really weird when I think about i without we're gonna wrap it up with this But it's really weird to think Highway to hell got me started. Yep Highway to hell was my intro. That was it august 4th 1979 it's so weird I went to see them august 4th 1979 And I checked to see when the album came out. You know when the album came out a week after before july 27

Oh, there you go Thinking back now. I was going to make a mistake on the podcast and go. Yeah, I remember getting fired up I only listened to that album maybe three days before I went. Yeah, my favorite song was walk all over you from the very highway to hell was That I wish somebody I wish we wouldn't we use cameras in those days I wish somebody would have taped it from us leaving the party To us taking the bus to walk into the garden Just the hooligans the garden to see an hengis run around to see in ted nugent go up to weekend warriors

To us walking home. It was just a A tremendous experience. Well, we'll talk about that in july. I can't wait. We'll do the uh 40 years of 40 years of highway to Fucking hell bitches. I want to thank my main man dean dowra. It's been a while. I want to thank the christ killer I want to thank the fucking fire department for chiming in there giving you a little beep the beep But most importantly, I want to thank square space dot com. Let me ask you something Do you have a cool idea you want to turn into a website? Squarespace.com is the way to go. They have beautiful templates created by world-class designers They have powerful e-commerce functionality that lets you sell

Anything online with the ability to customize the look and feel settings and products and more with just a few clicks Everything is optimized for mobile right out of the box It's a new way to buy domains and choose from over 200 extensions You can showcase your work but bother publish content or sell products and services of all kinds So head over to square space dot com right now right now square space dot com for a free trial It's free when you got to lose and when you're ready to launch use the offer code church ch u r ch To save 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or a domain that square space dot com and the code church

Okay, listen. It's time. You've been dreaming about it. It's time to get that website going go to square space dot com right now For a free trial when you enter code church Number two Let me ask you something 66 percent of men of men lose their hair by the age of 35 I'm losing it right now and I'm 50 fucking six and I'm not too happy about it So I might even give four hymns a shot the thing is when you start to notice hair loss. It's too late It's easier to keep the hair that you have than to replace the hair that you lost you got it So do you want a bald spot to pop up?

Do you want your hairline to recede or do you want to do something about it? Go to four hymns dot com right now It's a one-stop shopping for hair loss skincare and sexual wellness for men. Let me tell you something And when I talk about sexual wellness for men, I talk about the helmet You might have a little problem on a date You know, you get to that age where you have erectile dysfunction. They'll help you out. You're like joey. How thanks to science Boredness erectile dysfunction skincare Listen, we have an all new world out there hymns connects you with real doctors and medical grade solutions to treat your hair loss

With well-known generic equivalents to make name brand prescriptions to help you keep your hair Or help you with your erectile problem or anything else you have listen There's no snake or pills or gas station counter supplements. These are prescription solutions backed by science There's no waiting room No awkward no awkward person doctor visits you to the guy that you're not working right save hours An embarrassment in time by going to four hymns dot com right now. It's easy You answer a few questions the doctor will review it and they prescribe you what you need

The products are shipped directly to your door. You don't even have to leave the goddamn house That's how much I believe in four hymns.com. So do me a favor the church family gets a free trial month Of hymns for five hours right now five hours five hours. You spend five dollars on dumber things Let's take care of your hair loss. Let's take care of your erectile dysfunction Five hours while supplies last see the website for full details This would cost you hundreds if you went to a doctor So do me a favor go to four hymns.com slash joey again That's four hymns.com slash joey and take care of this problem

And for your supplements, you know me you got to go to honor dot com They're the masters of disaster Whether it's the shroom tech whether it's the mexican chocolate protein powder Whether it's the alpha brain listen They got I can't do nothing for you with kettlebells and the bats But when it comes to supplements your uncle joey's here go to honor dot com right now and press in church Boom and get 10 percent off your order, but anyway as usual. Thank you very much. It's great to see you Congratulations on all your success. Thank you, man. You and I going to houston can't wait. Whatever like I said, I'll be in san jose

This thursday, that's all that's available. Everything else is sold out then the 22nd I'm in vegas at the treasure island with k quickly and the 23rd at the fox theater in twosome With k quickly kent vela is definitely coming to kid nappy So make sure you're there Kick this fucking muley. Yeah Perfect I want to be around To pick up the pieces

When somebody breaks your heart Some somebody twice as smart As I For somebody who Will swear to be true as you used to do with me Who'll leave you to learn That misery loves company Wait and see

I mean I want to be around To see how he does it when he breaks your heart to bits Let's see if the puzzle fits So fine And That's when I'll discover That revenge is sweet As I sit there applauding

From a front row seat When somebody breaks your heart like you Like you You Profile