Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #665 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: March 11, 2019

Joey Diaz tells Lee why he decided to wait to discuss the passing of his longtime friend Brody Stevens, why he has issues dealing with death, and why talking to people on the phone can help save lives.   This podcast is brought to you by:   ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church   My Bookie - Join now and MYBookie will match your deposit with up to a 50% bonus of your first deposit up to $1,000. www.mybookie.ag. Use Promo code CHURCH to activate the offer.   Recorded live on 03/10/2019.


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That's it and right now the church family can try zip recruiter for free. That's right free at Zip recruiter comm slash church again. That's zip recruiter comm slash church CH you are CH zip recruiter comm slash church It's Monday the 11th of March. Kick this motherfucker mule Lee Are you fucking kidding me or what? It's the week bitches St. Patty's week. There's a lot of shit going on Here we go kick this mule Lee. I want the speakers fucking burning today

That's it grab your balls Salute the fucking flag. It's on motherfuckers Last week was last week. This week is this week. It's a new set of rules. They can all suck it What's up you bad motherfuckers Uncle Joey here at least I add the aka the Christkiller aka the flying Jew aka I'm sick. I mean I'm kind. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Anyway, I Want to thank the Houston improv and the people that came to the shows that were great Five sold out shows fantastic, you know, it's so weird when I was down there Thursday night a lady came up to me took a picture and showed me a picture of me and Joe Rogan Joe Rogan had hair at the time

He it was fucking a mule kids. It had to be 1999 98 2000 around there and I looked at the picture, you know, I was coked up. I was still fucking doing drugs and whatnot When I looked at the pic, that's the first thing I know But I also noticed that Jesus Christ had been going to Houston For that fucking long. That must be awesome. It's you know, I've been going to Houston since 97 when Houston Laptop was the hottest club in the country I mean like Joey, what does that mean? There was a couple clubs in the area in Houston at the time

But they attracted this weird Do you had to give it to Mark Babin? He knew how to book a club and where the location was the people that were coming it was called inside the loop and it was on Gray, whatever West Gray, whatever the fuck and it was just a great neighborhood and it was a different time You know, Bill Hicks had started there. Kenison had started there You know, there was a dry cleaner across the street when they banned Kenison He put himself on a cross across the street from the club. That was like a legend right spot You know, it was just such a legendary place to go to because of what had been there before you and

Like I cut my fucking teeth in that room, you know, and the last stop was the last stop Then they moved and they switched owners and there was a nightmare But the people of Houston was still there. They were still comedy fans It's like Portland has come along over the years and Charlotte and all these you go to these clubs And it's exciting people excited to see comedy We're 15 years ago in that area comedy was just breaking through now people ahead people listen to podcast people know what time is going on But Houston this weekend was a tour complete different level and I just wanted to thank you guys As usual, I went to fucking Papadose. I went to Papasito's a

nice young lady from Pasadena left me a Coupon for chewy's I didn't get to use it this time But I use it in May when I go back to Dallas and fucking San Antonio May 3rd and 4th. I'm in Dallas and then the 4th. I'm in San Antonio But we'll get to that shit later for the last three weeks. I've avoided a topic on this show for a reason This podcast is not a platform to drag a dog in here on you I never want to drag a dog in here on you especially on a fucking Monday But we got to get the elephant out of the fucking room between us

February 22nd I had I got up that morning and I went to lift and I played with the baby and then I Took the baby to school and then I went to lift and I I was going to Las Vegas for Kate and We we got the Burbank and K flew out before me and as I was sitting down on the fucking plane I mean the plane hadn't taken off yet and people were still boarding if you ever flown in and out of Burbank You could they let you walk into the back of the plane

So my most fucking momos are walking through the front I just walked to the back of the plane and take a seat in the back because when you get to Vegas You're gonna have to wait for luggage anyway, and it's always a fucking long walk So who gives a fuck where you sit in the Southwest flight? So I sat down and two minutes into that. I sit down the phone rings It's my brother Steve Simone and he goes did you hear the bad news and I go no and he goes You know Brody was found this morning on himself guys It was like a kick to the stomach on the plane this couple got out of it

If you've been put on a plane from Burbank to Vegas They even wrote a movie about it a TV show last year about Vegas. It's a crazy flight The reason why it's so crazy is because people are excited People are excited to go to fucking Vegas and every time I got on one of those planes like the one time They fucking the cops had to come on the plane and take ten kids off There's always drama on those flights. These are all these people that were ready to go and here I am sitting in the edge seat crying Like crying like balling and I'm trying to wipe the tears and make believe like I got something in my eyes

And I had to get up and go and get tissues from the thing and I sat back down and When I landed in Vegas, you know, the phone fucking goes off you had six messages and Every message was worse and you know, this was supposed to be an exciting night for me I was on fucking the strip on son, you know in Las Vegas and in the car I'm thinking about this this fucking kid and you know, he killed himself and he was just on the show a couple weeks earlier And he spoke about getting off the medication and I didn't know how to feel and then You know, I got to the hotel and Kate was crying because Kate was working with me that weekend So I I took Kate and we ate dinner together and I hung out with her as much as I could and and I had a job to do I

Had a fucking job to do I Felt like shit, but I had a job to do. I don't know if you guys know this I suffer from ear infections I have to have to take a shower with earplugs in because the water gets in my ear and then when I fly I Get infections and shit. So I got to put the fucking things in my ear. So Kate left and the show was gonna start at eight and You know when I go to Vegas, it's all about the shower The shower was always huge and the fucking sweet that I love taking a shower because you could sit down and think

And I took a couple of hippos off the vapor pen I didn't smoke pot at all that day by the way, I smoked a I think I smoked in the morning But before I took the baby to school like when I get up in the morning I always smoke but I didn't smoke the rest of the day. I didn't want to leave my hotel room I felt so bad when I was in Vegas So I hit the vapor pen and put the plugs on me and I went in the shower And while I was in the shower and the water was hitting me and I was sitting there I Thought about Brody's last ten minutes

Like What the fuck was he doing, you know, like what was he thinking? What was he feeling? And all of a sudden my heart started racing You know, I broke down a little bit emotionally in the shower You know, I started seeing him as a kid, you know I still remember having the conversation with him in Seattle about him moving to New York because I Obviously he was just distinctively different than everybody else and New York would really accept him the way they accepted him Mitch Hedberg, you know so I

Had this little breakdown. I got out of the shower. I wiped my face and You know, I had a job to do guys. I Had a fucking job to do so I put in the back burner like I usually do with everything when it comes to that type of stuff emotions and I you know did the show and we tried to keep it together We ate afterwards her myself Brent my instructor over at subconscious. We ate some late-night dinner. We hung out till two So I never really I did what I did as a child when my mother died

I kept people around so the pain wouldn't be around And I waited till I got nice and tired and I asked him to leave and I went to sleep And then the next morning I had to get up and get on the plane and rush and so the whole time I was avoiding the pain. I was avoiding dealing with Brody's death We went to Tucson and my buddy showed up Kent Vella and the show was great The people were great and the fucking food was great. The tacos were great So it it wasn't till the next day that Sunday when I got off the plane When I was fronted with and I spoke to Josh Wolf and Josh Wolf was very close to Brody

I mean it was Josh Wolf who introduced me to Brody and I could hear it in his voice There was a toll on him now I could have gone on Twitter You know Twitter was fucking Filled with Brody stuff. You couldn't even open it up. I tried opening it up that Saturday on my phone because when I'm on the road I don't take the computer. I have the iPad doesn't have Facebook on it or Twitter I only have Twitter on my phone. I don't have no apps on my iPad only writing I'm like HBO go

Netflix shit like that. I have a writing app. That's all I want to do on the road So when I did open up Twitter, I saw everybody was on there and I Live my life to fucking be different. I don't know about you guys I don't want to be like everybody fucking else, you know, I'm saying and I strive to do this every day You know, I was telling Lee that When I went to my mother's funeral, I learned The people who cried the loudest didn't talk to me after my mother died The people didn't say shit with the people who came through after my mother died

So I learned who was bullshit and who was not That's not a reason why I didn't I didn't tweet because I didn't want to go there You know, I just didn't want to go there. I got a couple emails from people and a couple of tweets You know on my DM and people going, you know, you haven't written on a Bob Brody. What does that matter? What is that? Well, because I didn't write nothing doesn't mean I didn't love the kid where what have we fucking become What have we fucking become that we don't have to, you know, show our solidarity. We don't care about this kid I just didn't want to deal with it guys. I didn't want to deal with that in that level I didn't even want to mention on the podcast. I didn't want it on my Twitter feed

I didn't want it in my Facebook feed. I wanted to feel it in my heart I didn't want to write anything down That I would regret later that was number one number one if you know anything about fucking death Especially the way it happened here. Listen when Chris Cornell died it bothered me when people commit suicide Yes, if you have any empathy at all, it bothered me. This was my backyard This was a friend of mine who sat across from me in his chair a month earlier and Told us as the church family us that he was fine and alive and kicking and he was off the medication and blah blah blah blah But that's not the point here the point here that there's different phases of grieving

There's the sad phase Then you get angry and then you fucking get sad and then you get Frustrated, you know, all I kept thinking about was Brody's last ten minutes and Until I figured out what he went through what he felt like those last ten minutes, which I never know and I'll never want to know I'll never want to know what those last ten minutes of your life feel like when you're getting ready to do something like that and Your mind takes over everything and lies to you Because as you could see and as I know for a fucking fact now

There are people still walking around shell shock now tonight. I have to do something that I fucking hate doing I have to go to the commie store and get up in front of people and give some some fucking speech about you know a Story about Brody listen, man This is so much in my backyard and you guys know me that when it comes to Brody right now I don't have no fucking stories Like all I am is in search of why this kid would do this When they fucking loved them down there They loved them at that comedy store. They loved me was part of the store

He was who I mean Mitzi made him, you know Mitzi fucking put him on He was one of those guys that like Don Barris You're a part of the fucking store. You will be a part forever But again, nobody really knows nothing until you lose something You know tonight I got to go down there And I got to talk them for and I don't even know what the fuck to say like I don't know what the fuck to say I haven't processed his death yet. This is my weakness in life. You want to know my weaknesses death Because every time somebody dies, I'm close to I

Dragged the other 15 people that died through So right now all I have in my mind is Darren Ray. Oh, I have my mother I have Anthony Balzano on my mind. I have Dominic special on my mind. I have All those shitty wakes I went to and couldn't figure out why this person is in a fucking casket That's what I dragged with me. I couldn't figure out at that early age in the eighth grade Why this fucking 13 year old kid that never did nothing to nobody was in a fucking casket Then a year later had to look at my mother and think about why God would take away somebody's mother Then a year later had to look at that same fucking casket again with my buddy Dominic special on it

And that did something to me that did something to me before the age of 18. It's like going to Vietnam and Seeing your something in your platoon dying. I mean, I didn't see Anthony get hit by a car I wasn't there when Dominic drowned, you know, I was there to find my mother but That's what happens. I drag all that shit. So for a few days Like right now I could feel my blood pressure going up just talking about it Because I drag all that shit. I dragged that rego in there I dragged this girl in high school that I just thought about today That she was good friends with a friend of mine and shed a lock with me

She died my senior year in a car accident She got trapped in between a fucking tree in a park. Who the fuck knows but I think about all these people That's why every Monday today. I fuck and go to my you know when I wake up in the morning on Mondays I got did this morning. I'll go to the altar my spirit altered I changed the water and I'll light a candle to give all those spirits light just to let them know I'm thinking about it now Brody You know, we lost Marilyn Martinez. We lost Marilyn Martinez's husband. We lost Freddie Soto since I've been at the county store It's a part of life, but this one hits a lot more This one hurts and stings a lot more

Because it's the first time a friend of mine that close Has taken his fucking life and I've I've had other friends Who have tried to take that life, but none of this one? It hurts it bothers me Like I said, I wanted to not put this on the podcast, but since we're doing the memorial today I mean that clothes in the comedy store they're going full boat tonight. I I You know for days. I thought about fucking mysteriously getting sick today because I

Didn't want to go down there and talk, but I have to I'm at an age now that I have to stop thinking this way I have to go down there like I didn't go to Mitzi's I didn't go to Ralphie's You know when my buddy Jimmy Burkle died I didn't go to his there were reasons behind it I could have gotten on a plane and gone to Burkle's and gone up there and talked and I Just don't like dealing with that type of shit. I still have Burkle's number in my phone I still have Ralphie's number in my phone. I still have Brody's number in my phone I don't like dealing with it. You know, that's where my weaknesses when it comes to that. I Deltoid enough

I'm not in the mood to fucking deal with it and then I'm sitting there thinking about this medication problem We have now in this fucking country You know, it's not only the opiate problem These people's minds why the fuck with something like Chris Cornell do a show and Then go to his fucking room and hang himself I just don't understand it. I understand CTE I Understand all these things but again Joey, you haven't been there. You don't know what depression is You know what between us as a family

I've had bouts with it now from what I've read about after Brody I've had bouts with it, but Being from the cut that I am I can't let it overtake me because I don't have the time You know, I didn't I never really had the time to get gloom I Think I went through a bout of depression like in 84 and I also went through a bout of depression in 2006 that that ignited my drug Consumption which made me fucking quit which is why the reason I'm still here today because I've been clean 11 years from all those type of fucking drugs

But that depression after the longest yard that nothing happened I felt like all the key is a comedy all Fucking 15 years of comedy and now I hit the movie. I'm supposed to hit and nothing happened and I went into a funk But I got to be honest with you at no moment that I think I've taken my life. So it wasn't Really a depression like most people fucking go through You know from now To the day they put me in my casket. I'm gonna wonder about Brody's last ten minutes

Like his last ten minutes like what his mind told him So now I got to think of it from two fucking dynamics now My wife goes to bed at 8 30 a lot of nights But the baby goes to bed at 8 30 some nights my wife stays up till 9 30 sometimes. She's tired She goes to bed at 9 and sometimes I sit there for two hours at night And I watch a little TV and I make a few notes and I try to write a sentence here And I try to write a tag to a joke there. I listen to music I smoke a little bit of the pipe, but now I'm starting to get scared of one night

My mind's gonna play a trick on me I and I obviously have no idea I think the difference is is That for Brody didn't seem like he He didn't get the brakes between the depression Like to me if I had to guess it was that it was just it finally got to be too much But it's not like it's all you went through periods of happiness I think that's what wouldn't get you You know, but

Was he lying to us You know for starters Let's put our fucking cards on the table here I'm the type of guy That there's nobody that's that nice You know people who are too nice always make me fucking nervous So when somebody comes up to me and they're talking me about positivity and this and this and this There's to a point that I fucking shut up shut down like I really do I don't it's too much shit talking

Just don't show me the positive. Don't don't tell me about the positive show me the positive, you know, so Somebody tweeted me last week over the last couple weeks people have been tweeting me and I guess, you know They've been gone back and listened to all the Brody's appearances on it on the show primarily the last one And a lot of people have said what the fuck then, you know, he was off the medication now Again, I don't know the mind of a depressed person You know, listen for me for me. I gotta tell you guys something Comedy change saved my life Comedy saved my life

Comedy saved my life Why because finally my life had purpose and I fell in love with something and today I sit here and I'm very happy and very fortunate that I fell in love with something so much that all those years, you know I have friends. I talked to some of you guys, you know, a lot of you guys are young and you're struggling Well, guess what you're gonna fucking struggle You're gonna struggle. That's the age that you're at and you think that you're never gonna get out of that fucking Hole or you're never gonna get out of that position And I got news for you. You're wrong. If you believe and if you fall in love with something

If you fall in love with something so deep and you believe in it, it will give you the dividend. So in my mind He was doing great guys Guys, he was doing Great. Yeah, but Joey, he's not Sebastian. He didn't solve four shows the master He was doing great Okay, let me tell you something from 2000 to 2005 98 to 2005 I had a very hard time in this town What what hard time did you have joy rejection? Rejection I didn't go to Montreal. I was never part of the fucking rap pack

There's not there's not an improv in the country that has my portrait on the fucking wall I learned to live with it. It wasn't my calling. I didn't know what it was. Did I quit? No, I Didn't quit I Kept doing it and I kept right and I kept doing it and I'd pop a little TV show there And I'd pop a little TV show there and still nobody ever invited me to comedy nothing not nothing Nothing you look at all of nobody fucking talk to me, but Joe Rogan talked to me. I wish you fear talk to me Red band talked to me Duncan talked to me

You know Paul Mooney talked to me and he Griffin talked to me and in my world where I had come from Shit that was worth more than or any of that shit That was worth more than any of that shit Bringing up Chris Rock in the main room Christmas week and him fucking turned around and talking about me on stage that Why you motherfuckers are watching all these big names you better watch this motherfucking my wife Who was my wife now at that time was my girlfriend? I remember her coming home and going did you hear what Chris Rock said behind you tonight? That everybody's looking at the wrong comments. They should be watching you that meant more to me Than a fucking Academy Award if you listen that meant at that time that night. I

Didn't even do coke that night. I was so excited I couldn't even fucking sleep that Chris Rock was talking about me So for a guy like me comedy saved my life because I never really had nothing else I never really had nothing else that I was even I was good at shit But I didn't want to put the work in I Didn't want to put the work in comedy the work was easy for me. It was very easy for me. It was very It came naturally I understood what my fuck I had to do so this whole time I'm thinking that bro. He's the same guy. I am I'm thinking that

Wait a second. We're out of the fucking weeds here We're at the store We're getting spots and he was captain midnight at the fucking store. You know who's Captain Midnight Sam Kenison Sam Kenison had that shit that he went up a midnight Brody was Captain Midnight. I'm not even Captain Midnight I don't want to be fucking Captain Midnight Brody was Captain Midnight. That's up. You know you Paul Mooney was Captain Midnight That's who went up at midnight Special fucking savages go up at midnight. They want to go up a midday request to go up at midnight So I thought he had something

There's no way listen In my darkest moments when I was in the hotel with six dollars, I had a show that night That's all that mattered to me. I had a fucking show that night in three or four hours Even though I was broke and nothing was going on. I didn't have a girlfriend I was living out of boxes. I had a show tonight and in my world. That's all that mattered on a daily I if I had a show and had a way to snort a couple fucking lines Are you kidding me and I can eat a subway sandwich a veggie and cheese? I'm good to go

I'm in love with Tommy so I thought when Brody Came in here this last time he looked good He acted normal I Was around for his first bout When Zach Galifianakis had a call around the police arrested him and they took him to the fucking

Mental health place for a couple days and he was observation and he came out. He was like I'm back He had he had a new lease on life So he pulled the wool over my eyes. That's another complete part of a grief program It's like the guy that you talked to and tells you at 7 o'clock at night that he's fine He's been going to a meetings and then the next day you realize he fucking shot a hot fucking load now He's dead. Wait a second. I saw him last night at 7 o'clock and he told me he was just coming back from a fucking AA meeting That's the same way this took us That's the same way

This took me What because you said you told me a well a couple weeks ago that you you were thinking about his last 10 minutes and that really Struck me like I That's a dark place to go even just for you like most people get sad because he's not there Well, I wish I could have helped but like that's a that's a really dark place to go is the last 10 minutes But why do you think why do you think that if came to your mind? Because I wanted to know what was in his mind those last 10 minutes Why he was

Tying a rope Figuring out where to throw the rope over to hang himself or putting the noose over his neck and Pulling on it to see if it was on tight Like where his mind went like where his mind went And it was funny because that too the night or the night after Brody that I got the news from Steve Simone. I was watching the FX and Concussion was on

With Will Smith, it's a football movie about a doctor who Discovered CTE in Pittsburgh with all the Pittsburgh Steelers and stuff like that and you know, junior sale Was fine. He was fine that morning or something. He was with his daughter. I don't know And then he went and shot himself You know, I want to know where what he was thinking his last 10 minutes You know the last 10 minutes for Brody Stevens. I don't know if he was at the store the night he hung himself. I Don't know if he had come home from the store. I don't know if he had gotten bad news You know, some people said it was comments that people had made about a special

I think Brody had thick thicker skin than that. I Think that Brody had thicker skin than that So the last 10 minutes of his life Listen, okay Couple weeks ago, I'm sitting at the dinner table with my wife and we're talking about fucking her going back to Nashville for Easter week or some shit. We're just looking around the calendar to see what it was a best week for her to go and Was she you know, my wife does everything on her fucking phone. So right there at the dinner table. She goes well

She goes the plane tickets are this much money. I think there was six 76 for her and the baby to go back each and She goes if I wait till this time they go down a 440 or something like that. It wasn't really a big deal They were you know, I understand the plane industry and I understand the plane tickets and now, you know, Atlanta's hot Nashville's hot. So they charge you like an extra hundred dollars to go to fucking Nashville in America or you know, Southwest goes there But the amount that they wanted in April was fucking a lot They wanted a lot for a regular fucking ticket to Nashville. Okay Me and my wife discussed it and after 10 minutes we came to the conclusion like normal people that

We weren't gonna go so in 10 minutes We decided that we weren't gonna go. How was the decision that we made? Let me break it down more for you guys Especially men don't listen to this podcast You ever go home with three beers in you and you start calling chicks to come over And you start calling them and call them and call them and one chick is 45 minutes away And the other girl has to get ready and the other girl won't come over unless you have cocaine So I got to call your drug dealer, but he's at a bar and all of a sudden you just take your dick out jerk off And you go to bed and nothing fucking happened, you know

That's the same thing I thought about Like let's say he got home. He took the news He fucking made it But he looked at it After a minute you go, what was I what am I thinking and you throw the fucking noose under the bed and hold on But he's never sees it. That's why I say his last 10 minutes you know How many times that I fucking I

Used to be coked up at 3 in the morning and I'd be fucking coked up I look in the mirror my jaw would be going my eyes would be glassy And I would start walking downstairs to get in the car to go over to pick up coke from somebody And I had common sense that I knew I couldn't get a DUI and I know for a fact I'm a fucking bullshit on it But if I'm coked up and a cop pulls me over I will fall apart in the seams you guys know Even though I was a junkie fuck I Would sit I would go back upstairs and figure out a way that I didn't have to get in the car

So I could still get coke even if I had to pay the guy an extra 10 bucks before Uber or anything You know, I would do it That's what I'm trying to say to you his last 10 minutes Even if he thought about it for nine minutes and the last minute he goes fuck this. What am I fucking thinking? That's why I said the last 10 minutes because this just didn't boy listen Chris Cornell did a fucking show Got off the got off the stage Called his wife. She felt his voice was a little his tone was a little he was slurring his words She called the security guard to check on him and he had hung himself

So what was Chris Cornell's last 10 minutes like he just got off the phone with his wife What do you tell your wife when you have kids? Hey, honey, I love you. It just finished the show. It was great I'm gonna go upstairs and maybe get a late-night bite to eat and I'll call you in the morning when I wake up Don't forget to tell my daughter don't forget to tell whatever my daughter's name is Mercy to Have a good day at school. Don't forget to tell my son that I love him Okay, you say those things

So now in between that phone call and going up to his hotel room where does brain snap and Tell him to get a belt and hang himself Where that's that that's the question that I have What happened on the way up now? One thing that people have been saying at the economy stories is that he went off his medications and then he went back on And that could be something, you know It's like what's going on now in America that people do heroin and then you get off the heroin And then you go back on the heroin, but you do the same amount you were doing and your tolerance went down

So it's a hot needle now you die is the medication worked the same way Oh, you know, you're not supposed to Go cold turkey like it's like that's a very serious thing. So once you're on that medication You're on that medication forever and they have to keep twerking And they can get you off of it, but it's supposed to be like a multi-week process So isn't it better if we just don't go on the medication? Is this medication this net because all I hear about this like they Dear friend of mine called me about six months ago and said they prescribed Zoloft

But when you see the commercial for Zoloft, I think it's an antidepressant. It tells you you're gonna have suicidal feelings and suicidal thoughts You know the the pill did not take cigarettes like if you want to get off cigarettes Chankwell, whatever the fuck it is that Ray Liotta does they tell you you're gonna get suicidal tendencies I don't know if you ever smoke cigarettes and you quit you think about suicide on its own You don't need a fucking pill to get you that when you quit smoking and you do those first three fucking days You think about fucking putting a bullet in your fucking head. It's the worst feeling in the goddamn world, but you know but my point is is

Why would they prescribe this medication if has suicidal tendencies if it even brings you To that these are the questions that I have and I'm not a doctor and yeah I've looked into a couple things even before Brody died even before Brody's death You know, I would stay up late look at the internet some nights about depression You know that they did a show about the dark side of comedy. I see that and it had me fucking going When Robin Williams died, I wasn't personal friends with Robin Williams I hadn't met him once at the improv and I saw him one night at the comedy store. I didn't know him personally so yes, it affected me because I

Have the mind of a comic and you're telling me that this is successful susceptible Amongst comics when I watch that dark side of comedy, you know when the dark side is depression That's what they all kept talking about was depression You know so now in my older age This is what I worry about like this really scares me that what happens to me now between 9 and 11 at night When I'm on 9 30 to 11 when I'm home by myself and my mind goes into these places that and my mind never goes into weird places I never let my mind. I Told you guys honestly the truth. I

Thought about suicide two times Once it was after my mother died And I think the other time No, I think it was after my mother died and Once when I was going through that cocaine thing and I was homeless and 83-84 I was really putting myself in a rut. I Didn't know where I was gonna go and I didn't know and I went to bed thinking about jumping off a bridge But obviously I didn't have the ballster. So I never fucking did the closest I came to

feeling suicidal was That Christmas holiday of 79 that was the closest because I the pain was overbearing But obviously it wasn't that overbearing at that age Compared to what Brody was going through, you know, I Really wanted to do This podcast for the last couple weeks But I wanted to be prepared I wanted to Be prepared emotionally. I didn't want to bring a comedian in here and break down the life of Brody and showing us crying

That's not what I wanted to show you people today. I just wanted to talk to you about those last ten minutes and If you ever go there, I Want you to know that Seriously, seriously You have fucking options Okay, you don't want to call suicide hotline. I'm in my buddy one time who was snorting coke It was snorting coke and he called cocaine hotline

As we were snorting the coke we were going on a two-day binge and We're sitting around a table and he's staring at the phone every couple minutes and he kept saying under his breath. Lord, please help me Lord, please help me. He kept mum. I keep going Roger. What are you saying? He kept saying Lord? Please help me Lord, please help me and even do another line. There was this guy that every time every time we come in the room He go, dun-dun-dun-dun, and he'd open up a package It was like maybe two or three grams of coke and he put it on the table I forget what the guy's name was this guy did ten times that night and we were six and we're sitting around the table

We were to the point. We weren't even talking to each other We were just staring at each other. Everybody was sweating. Everybody smelled bad There was chicks in the living room. We couldn't even talk to them. We're so fucked up And Roger kept looking at the phone and finally he just gets up out of his chair grab his a phone and dials fucking cocaine Cocaine hotline they had a cocaine hotline in 83 All right, and he called and he's like cocaine hotline. I can't stop snortin And the way he said call me back when he stops snortin And he went off on it. What the fuck do I need your phone when I stop snortin by that time?

I'll be sleeping. I don't need you. So I'm not talking about suicide hotline There are people you could call but listen The people around you Are the people that you have to call Just one person It's gotta be the most embarrassing fucking call in the world For somebody I can't even imagine being there But if it saves a life

That's all that matters to me guys What the fuck are your friends there for? See again, this is The fourth level of grieving There's so many levels to grieving my mother's going to be dead 40 Fucking years this november And at the end of the day

When the baby's sleeping and my wife is in bed, I just got back from the comedy store And I stopped in Yum Yum Donuts to get a brand muffin At the end of the day, I always think about my mom or I think about You know what the fuck happened Like I wish she could be around to see my fucking daughter So the grieving process Never ends because it comes in different levels

Like I said the first it's anger then it's pain then it's questions then it's frustration Then you get pissed at the person like right now i'm in the phase That I still feel sad over brody did but I guarantee you In about eight months, I'm gonna be a little fucking pissed off Somebody's in the company and we're gonna be doing a podcast somebody's gonna bring up his name And I'm gonna say something fucked up because that's what happens you go through different levels You know at first I was in shock all my mother died And then I'm like how the fuck couldn't she take care of herself when she knew she had a fucking kid

And then you just realize that whenever you have an expiration date my friend How you go is I don't know how you go, but we all have an expiration date So you go through that fucking part of it I feel bad for brody's family I feel bad for brody's immediate family, which is us at the commie store My suggestion Let me talk to steve somone about this Is that

We do a big beneficiary And we call it the brody stevens You know whatever fund I don't want to give it a fucking name or something And I'd like to get a psychiatrist that's well known in the hollywood area And if a comic needs to talk to somebody we could dip into that fund They could build a comedy store and the fund could pay For a therapy session or two or three or four whatever is needed at the time

You know, that's the only way we're gonna stop this shit from happening. Listen You guys know my reputation that I check in with people I also try to check in with people that I see Have a reason to go off the reservation Something that you guys might not heard of but I did that something's going on in their personal life That along with comedy life Spots your agents your fucking manager your fucking cousin that needs this

There's so many variables that there's one thing that could push you over the top That's why when I hear people getting into trying to certain jams I check in with them a couple days and I check in with them again Because I don't want them to stray off the reservation It's not You know, I always make this an expression. There's not how many people you shoot it's who you shoot That work, you know, if you live by the sword you die by the sword You could just get so many no's

Until you got to know that pushes you over the top You know when somebody's show doesn't get picked up when somebody's show gets cancelled There's little things that happen in this town that we hear amongst each other That could push a regular fucking person over the top I mean, this is a hard life here guys This is not for everybody They're not giving out fucking donations on the sunset strip You know Hollywood is a fucking machine

You ask yourself what happened a few weeks ago with this Jesse Smollett guy He seems like a nice guy. I mean on paper you look at him. He's a fucking sweetheart of a guy What would make a guy? Do this I'm sure that Jesse Smollett sat in your kitchen and talked to you and you smoked a joint with him or whatever He'd be a nice guy What would make Jesse Smollett do something like this? You know what makes women want to suck your dick for a fucking movie or a guy the Hollywood machine

Plays with your mind whether it's music Whether it's you know fucking comedy whether it's film, you know, we're reading more and more now Of every week every other week somebody else took their life last week a musician from the 90s or something So this is something that Could be medication based I don't fucking know I don't have the fucking answers I don't have the answers to this. All I know is that You know tonight I have to go say goodbye to this fucking kid And I feel terrible because you guys

You guys saw me sit across from him And listen, you know Let's get something fucking straight, you know, I love doing this podcast But there's certain people that come in here and they're my family and you could feel it In the podcast It's not an interview. It's a conversation You guys even know when it's a conversation Amongst good friends, you guys have said it to me

When I've had Ralphie in here or Rogan my relationship with Rogan There's just certain people that people mesh with You know, you guys knew I love Brodie Stevens. You knew it. I had him on the show Every time I saw him I gave him a big hug I knew him from 1995 And I didn't know about his struggles till a couple years ago And after that, I think after the we brought him up to the show up there After the struggles and I was breaking his balls. I said, I'm checking you for weapons

And we were laughing and the whole thing. I mean Brodie had a great sense of humor, you know, so I just I'm really sorry if you guys think that I was uh You know, I put a bunch of girls on here and a bunch of guys. I did not want to come on this podcast And drag the Brodie Stevens saga on you. You had seen it enough on the internet A lot of years have felt it. I felt your support. You know what I feel like And a lot of you guys, if you know anything about me I fucking sweep that shit under the rug

I sweep that shit under the rug because I got a job to do You know Sam Tripley is not over it Red band's not over it There's so many people right now that I talked to I've been calling a lot of people thio There's a lot of different people that have been rocking and rolling with it But at the same time there's a lot of people that've been struggling with a lot of the wages at the store a lot of the staff You know, I know the talent coordinators having a hard time with it

And tonight it all comes to a head. I didn't want you guys to ever think That I avoided Brodie. No, no, no, no. It was just too soon. It was just too soon And it was all over the internet and I didn't want to dig into it. I wanted to wait I wanted to wait and see how I really felt. I didn't want to come on here with Me and josh were thinking of doing a podcast that sunday night. I'm happy we didn't Because we would have came on here and we both would have been a fucking crime mess, you know Uh I'm gonna go there tonight. I'm gonna speak my mind and uh, I hope Brodie rest in peace. I hope that

You know, I mean as a catholic I'm raised to believe a ton of stupid fucking shit, but I don't I hope his soul is resting. I hope his soul looks down on us And sees how many people are hurting that he did this, you know, I mean You always try to add some humor to this. I can just imagine Brodie right now arguing with god Like I want to go back. Yeah, I want to go to opening day. You know, I made a fucking mistake I mean that that's what I saw Because I had known Brodie for a few years

But to me what I saw was that Because what what I would imagine is that he didn't think that A people wouldn't care or he thought maybe he was doing people a favor and everyone from like the Chicago Cubs to Actors and comedians Had had nothing but positive loving things to say about him and I What I think is what I'm hoping is he just didn't realize it

And I'm hoping that people like what you were saying earlier call a friend Is I think that's what happens is people think oh, it'll be better for everyone if I'm gone or no one will care Hopefully if if anything good can come from what happened to Brodie is that Even people there's someone who cares even if you feel like you have nobody there's one person who will be upset that you're gone I just Wish you would have reached out, you know, I wish he would have reached out to somebody Like he had so many people he could have called He had just done a few podcasts that week

And nobody saw nothing. This is why This is so hard. This is why this grieving process is going to be so hard Because nobody fucking saw it coming listen Ari once told me that every time he saw Ralphie he would always hug him really hard Because he always thought that that'd be the last time he saw Ralphie As as fucked up as that sounds I think the last three times we saw Ralphie we when he left here we were like He doesn't look good. He's getting bigger, you know, whatever

I didn't see no wanting signs of Brodie at all guys and I didn't hear of any That's what's got us all fucked up that nobody yeah, you went off the medication I don't fucking know anything about this Now I've investigated it, but I Guys, I'm sorry. I just did not even see this Not even a hint of it. Let me tell you something I can't mention their names, but I could see three comics that you guys know

Killed themselves before Brodie in my world I worry about two other comics In life Then I worried more about Brodie That's why it shocked me more Like if somebody would call me and say that that that killed himself I've seen it coming over the last couple years. He's been struggling with it He's been struggling with alcoholism or whatever with Brodie. He gave us no hints guys

Again, he sat here in this chair across from me Less than two months ago. You guys saw him now one of you guys hit me back on twitter and said Joey Brodie didn't look good on your fucking podcast and it got close to I don't know how many hits on youtube So none of us fucking saw it so you know blame blame

blame I would love to be one of those people I could say that you know I couldn't change his mind. Nobody's gonna change his fucking mind That's why those last 10 minutes The ones that fucking destroyed me Whether it was Brodie whether it was Chris Cornell Whether it was the other thing and I killed him so

Those last 10 minutes when your mind just goes left And keeps pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing You know like I'm saying to you guys. Let me call three girls. You're horny. You're drunk You're pushing you're pushing you're pushing you but at one point you go. It's not gonna happen Let me just take my dick out whack it off and nope And then you go to bed you wake up and all three of them showed up They will you know what I'm saying? It's one of those things Those last 10 minutes or what?

destroyed me about Brodie You know every time you lose somebody you lose a little piece of yourself I'm telling you this at the age of 56 that Every one of my friend's death has taken I'm not gonna say I can't live without that's bullshit But a little piece it makes you learn It makes you stop and smell the roses a little bit You know when Ralphie died I immediately fucking

Looked at my life and I looked at my time And the one thing I would notice about Ralphie Was his waste of time like the time he had all this time And You know I started doing more with my time If I learn anything from Brodie Is that I'm really Really really gonna look at myself because I'm very scared

I'm very fucking scared. I'm very scared that that could happen To any of us in the comedy community Where your mind just takes a left turn And keeps going And keeps going Like I said when I was younger and my mom died I was trying to kill myself with the drugs but not really like if I happened to die I would have died nobody would have gave a fuck

It was an od And I literally thought about you know like fucking killing myself that night when I was 16 But my mind didn't keep going somewhere along the line Something fucking stopped me It wasn't thinking that people loved me I think it was a warmth that was greater than that. It wasn't honest to God It had nothing to do with my friends at that time or anything. I didn't give a fuck I just thought that there was something greater that stopped me in there that made me live another fucking day

And I never thought about it again I've never been suicidal since that time again, and I wasn't even really suicidal then It was just a thought that went through your mind When that thought goes through your mind That's you know, and it's gone through all of our minds at one time or another. I know it has We're all human beings. We all think what if What if you know no You know God has an expiration date for you know all you could do is

Live it out whether you go out from a fucking disease old age or dementia Yeah We get a three year 36,000 mile warranty my friend I think when you're about 36 things start falling apart loosening you start to see them All I want to do is uh You know you guys to When you get a minute today at some point stop Think about your lives and maybe say a prayer for fucking Brodie Stevens and uh

They're gonna do a live stream tonight from the comedy store So If you guys want to watch it, I think you go on twitter and uh Just look around all day today. There'll be different things, but they're gonna do a live stream if you guys want to watch it They're gonna live stream the main room event and they're gonna live stream the belly room event And a bunch of us are gonna go down there. I think they start at 7 30 And they're gonna do some the families and they show up. They're gonna play Brodie special I'm gonna go down there about nine see some people give some hugs

And I'm gonna tell them what I'm gonna tell you okay And here it is in a nutshell I want you to get three of your fucking friends. I know a lot of yous whether one of them is your cousin A girl at work that you're friendly with And you know what man start checking in with them You know start checking them with them just practice Practice calling people and not asking them for something We only call people when we want something or we want them to do something for us or something

Try calling somebody and just saying hello and asking them about their day try to do that from now on Do me that favor along with your goals. Okay You know do your goals But on top of that, I want you to physically pick up the fucking phone dial the number And listen to that person's voice There's a reason why I call people. There's a reason why I hate text messaging There's a reason if you give a fuck about me and I give a fuck about you

And you're having a rough day. I can tell by listening to your voice That is the reason why I call people So i'm gonna tell them tomorrow night the same thing i'm telling you Pick three people in your fucking life And check in with them And if you hear one of your friends is going through a rough patch Check in with them. You don't need to take them for a beer You don't need to show up an expensive gift. You don't even know that stuff

You have no idea what the miracle of a phone call could do The miracle of a fucking phone call How are you doing? I know you're going through a fucking rough patch and trust me There's a thousand people I could call every day And I try to call three or one or two I try to do one a day Check in with people If you see people are going astray a little bit check in with them

Again, you don't have to stick your fucking nose up their ass But checking in with them, you know, you know what I do with the people I check in with them late at night To really fuck with you I check in with you Because why if I learn something from my mother If I learn something from me The pain starts creeping in when you're alone at night all day long when you're doing your shit Bop-a-da-bop-a-da-bop and you're bullshitting. You're telling your stories by the time you went to fucking Egypt and

You smoke tash with this fucking dude from Poland or whatever the fuck All that shit's great. That's what keeps your mind occupied. It's when you go home at night. I call Kate at night I call Theo Von sometimes 11 30 at night. I'll call Ari a fucking two in the morning I'll get up at one just to call Ari at four and go now. I don't know because he's getting a girlfriend He's moving in whatever in April. So I really can't call him late at night I will call in with people at that time because my uncle I'll call my uncle Fucking 11 30 at night Because you're alone. You're alone with your thoughts

This is when you could either win or lose when you're alone with your thoughts All day long we're stimulated by the internet The fucking cell phone this that It's when we're alone that we're our most dangerous. I know I'm the most dangerous and I'm fucking alone When I'm alone Jesus Christ, that's where my mom wanders That's where you might take that fucking thing that you've been saving in the closet You might take a hit of that thing you've been saving in the clock. Whatever Just do me a favor take two people three people in your life

And start checking in with them I really want to get this podcast out of the way because uh, I know you guys been waiting on my take and I want to let you know how I feel like I said I wanted to think about it first Before I just raised my hand on here. I didn't want to do a fucking group group podcast I wanted to talk to you about how I felt from the heart and listen man Yeah, a little bit of mirror is hurting. But guess what? I got a job to do. I got mouse to feed and uh We all need each other, you know

And I think that the more we look after our friends The less these type of situations will happen in our backyard I want to dedicate this podcast to Brody I want to thank you guys for listening again I don't want to drag a dog in here on you. We'll be back Wednesday fucking smoking pot Doing drugs and giggling and all that shit But today monday, I want to open up this pot this week with this because uh tonight's the memorial and uh It was just important for me to do this podcast

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Three shows are sold out to pittsburgh improv already If you're gonna get your tickets get your tickets. I'm there between March 4th and the 6th. I think saturday is all sold out And friday late sold out. I might add a thursday show. I'm not sure yet because I can't get a fucking direct flight number two 419 Fitzgerald's theater celebrating pre 420 And then

420 i'm at the paps mother fucking theater in milwaukee. How's that for you cocksuckers? That's all I got coming up. That said it's a slow month. I'm doing some other things But most importantly, we're doing it fucking right. I love you guys. Thank you for this podcast today I want to dedicate to brodie stevens. I wish you rest in peace And uh, as you guys know, we're all gonna miss him here on the church podcast I'll see you guys wednesday tip top magoo ready to motherfucking go kick this muley I Want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart

I Some somebody twice as smart as I A somebody who Will swear to be true as you used to do with me Who'll leave you to learn that misery loves company? Wait and see I mean I want to be around To see how he does it when he breaks your heart to bits

Let's see if the puzzle fits So far And that's when I'll discover that revenge is sweet As I sit there applauding From a front row seat when somebody breaks your heart like you