Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #669 - Felipe Esparza

Episode Date: March 26, 2019

Felipe Esparza, comedian and host of the "What's Up Fool?" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio.    This podcast is brought to you by:   Robinhood App - an investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks, ETF's, options and cryptos - all commission free. Go to church.robinhood.com to get a free stock like Apple, Ford or Sprint. Squarespace - start your free trial today. When you're ready to build your website go to www.squarespace.com/church for 10% off your first purchase of a domain or website.    My Bookie - Join now and MYBookie will match your deposit with up to a 50% bonus of your first deposit up to $1,000. www.mybookie.ag. Use Promo code CHURCH to activate the offer.     Recorded live on 03/25/2019.


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The 25th of march bitches wash that fucking monkey Salute that flag Felipe sparses in town The christ killer with a whole new look And your uncle Joey motherfucker Can you see that Here we go Always

I Wiggly get a little wiggly the same don't fucking around today motherfuckers You're collecting today or tomorrow or wednesday. You're not fucking around no more get up off that couch It's the motherfucking wild side Felipe sparsing the motherfucking house one of the best in the business. What's up, pool? You know me dog looking at you looking at how fucking old you're getting I knew you when you were a baby with a short trim head cut Look at you now and look at you now. You're looking right now, man. We're talking about your plantar fasciitis You were still what you need your heels. No, my my plantar fasciitis. Yeah the heels. Yeah, who the fuck you think you're dealing with?

You don't think I know my fucking part where Birken starts all day You know, I snuck into a couple fucking medical classes I'm having sex doggie start with a fucking stepping on the tennis ball. So both your feet are no just one That was one on the left. Okay. So they give you a quarter's on shot. Yeah, they give me shit But everyone's a doctor. Oh, yeah, you gotta go. I'm doing this. I'm like goo goo What happens the the heel tightens up And then when it starts to get really bad for leaping when you get up to pee at night That's when you feel it as you get up the first time. It's a pain. That's unbearable bearable

Unbearable and what this is the sack that develops. It's a bursar So what you have to do is either you have to in that's easy. You go to your doctor He gives you a uh referral to a foot doctor you go They feel the bursar they do some x-rays and they give you two options They give you the options of a quarter's on shot and then you put the fuck on the orthotics And let me tell you what I do put the orthotics and Stick to them religiously If you switch shoes put them on avoid fucking

Dancing disco shoes avoid fucking merengue's avoid insaniadas You cannot wear those shoes. You gotta wear like, you know, you're getting to an age where somebody goofed on it some young comic because uh I love to see these men with their new balances. Let me tell you something, bitch On thursday mornings and sundays when i'm walking through those airports. I got new balances, huh? With the orthotics in it because you walked two miles at the fucking airport I walked eight points on fucking thursday and I think I walked seven On weight watches. I swear to god, that's how much you walk at these fucking airports. So

For all that and then I had to stand on my feet on the weekends Yeah, so I had it when I was young because I used to run with converse sneakers And I got bad and the first time they shot me And then they put orthotics and then over the years I threw the orthotics away I gained a hundred and fifty You're talking about plantar fasciitis. Yes. Yes. So you must have had a really really bad I had it in both feet, but in the left one time In the left one is that it starts at the heat let the heel but the

The middle of the foot right in a row that the way you're walking. Do you have flat feet? No, but I got the real feet. You do I I couldn't I I've worn a new balance my entire life I have flat I can't do shit. You're a nationalist and it's really weird. I was thinking of going to the uh good feet store Yeah, they advertise a lot, but the problem with that is It's like people who buy nose clips sleep apnea You still gotta go get diagnosed you can buy the all the fucking pieces online for your 36 95 And you're gonna put them on for two or three weeks and you're gonna take it off and your sleep apnea is gonna get worse And that puts a big strain on your heart. So you got to sleep apnea

Just go to the fucking doctor the mouthpiece that you buy online for 999. That's gonna work That's a band-aid on a fucking and you're gonna have to pay for it later on With that plant this shit If you can't walk really pay You can't work. Yeah, we do stand up comedy So I I'm telling you this because mine just started acting up about four weeks ago And ever since sand bro at the gym when they're running I thought there's no running

I'll get on the air machine bicycle And if they're doing something I just do hip escapes and jiu-jitsu I can't run without those orthotics on. Yeah, get it. No more jumping rope No, nothing like that. Like I don't go for none of that shit Because it just makes it worse and that that hour on stage I think it started for me at 45 or 46

Those two hours on stage affect you You don't feel it till later on That's wearing bad shoes If you're wearing bad shoes because when you're doing comedy you're throwing your energy at them But it starts by grabbing the energy from the floor. It's a really weird thing To say to people that are listening you're thinking what the fuck is Joey talking about? Is he posing a no? You'll see as you get it more and more into comedy in your headlining theaters and venues and

That you you actually find yourself Ripping the fucking floor you know So at the end of the night when you sit down and go to get back up to take pictures you're like wow Wow, my legs are fucking sore. Yeah, because you just will pull an energy from your legs the whole fucking time, you know So it's pretty interesting. So I got I got a little like a like a tennis ball size Plastic ball with a bunch of spikes and I just rubbed my feet on there like forever. Yeah, that's good Yes, you put on or just a ball and then we're breaking stocks pretty much all day. It hurts. It helps

That's not because it hits my palm of my foot. Yeah, but the foot adjusts. You can't have the foot to adjust You have to have That thing in the fucking so you have wide feet then I got everything I got five feet. I got a fucking I got a hooker. I got a fun a fun guy told him I even took a picture Of the fun guy told you never take care of that. What the fun guy told now. Oh, I dip it in everything ammonia Bro, you're gonna drag you a blood one talking about going to doctors. Go to a doctor My shit was fucked up, bro. Like my shit was like Like damn, like you never seen a broken lollipop. Yeah, that's how my nail looked like Jesus a lemon

I'm gonna show you Lee. What the picture? I don't know if I want to see I got my tube, bro I got pictures of my old nail I took pictures. I will take my socks off of the shavings. I've uh, I will I remember being at girl's houses with my socks on the pool with my socks on That's disgusting. That's it. That's like an eight ball of coke. Look how much I shaved off my feet That's your foot. That's my foot. I put it down. I take the fucking that's your nail black I take the no, that's the fucking table. You're fucking all that fuck he scrapes it off I got like a fucking foot stool

And I cut the nail and I cut all around and yeah, but ain't gonna tone down too. No, no, no I used to years ago When I first moved to colorado in 83. I wanted to buy The place that I sued you sue somebody. I sued this place Larry H parker corneal. It was the front of their business I slipped in front of the front of their business till I sued them And then a month later like I wanted to buy sneakers because they had a deed is Cheaper than anybody else for like two dollars cheaper across the street

But I went in there two dollars. Yeah, like instead of 34 was 32 in those days Is it the same thing you did like in back in your hometown when you were jumping in front of cars in front of the cuban restaurant? You know what? It wasn't me Your color told me what these are. Yeah, you know, my color joy will hang right there and It was a favorite cuban restaurant like big ballers, you know And a lot of big baller cuban baller were packed by other cars And you said you joined a friend we could jump in front of the cars I had a friend of mine armando. I forget what his last name was

God rest his soul I I just heard about four years ago that he became a professional and get hit by cars And then he would shake you down with like 10,000 cash And one day he got hit and killed There's no business. There's no light. There's no career fucking ending in that. You're gonna hit get hit by You know the time of car wrong, maybe you got a couple pills in you and you hit the fucking bumper and there you go Your head gets squished He got hit by a hearse

No, no, I did the slip and fall one time and that was it. It was just it was so It was so fucked up like You know, it it's so fucked up how corruption works like You're looking at this thing that happened with usc and these kids and willy macey and all this shit And you look at how many people were involved Fucking coaches again

racketeering You know what that means Felipe that as soon as you make bail And let's say I put I put the bail up for you and we turn around and you go Let's go talk. Let me buy you lunch as soon as you give me your credit card to use it. It don't work no more Then when you go to your bank to try to get cash, don't tell you your account's the seas. That's the feds That's racketeering your life is changed to them. You're doing time. You're doing something Those people got a million dollar bail. They're doing something, but I don't know how I got on this with you Corruption corruption, that's how corruption works. You gotta think about

And I'm not saying nothing bad about it because They weren't you have the number one show on television Motherfucker in 1987 you got the Cosby show. Yeah, you know, I don't know how many affidavits I read where He tricked them in the trailer at NBC You mean to tell me Not one security guard seen bitches walk out of there With their hair all fucked up with their eyes crossed You know, there has to be so many people

For shit like that to go to that happened. Yeah, it happened. Yeah. Yeah during the show Yeah, you would take one into the trailer and then all of a sudden they'd get a headache He put like some fucking voodoo spray in the air and then get like a headache There's got to be some chemical that gives you a headache and then they give him pills make him drink and lay down Who goes who does that? Who does that? If your wife comes to my house and she goes to kind of headache, I give her two asses and put her on her way Who's going to tell you to lay down unless how severe could the fucking headache be?

I know right how many don't in the blankets how severe can the headache be that you have to lay down Hope it was a straighter Yeah, so on top of that out there had to be a security guard outside the trailer This is a security card outside the building There's just so many people and that's what you know, uh, it's got to be some type of conspiracy All that we just all of us watch Never Neverland. Did you watch it? I haven't escaping Neverland. Okay escaping Never Neverland when you watch it. Yeah, it's about Michael Jackson raping kids But you have to look at it from a different perspective

You have to look at the perspective of Yeah, he was already tried and licked a little his asshole Well, little kid said that he'd let me over he licked my anus. Oh, he said that yeah, bro The kid said he's Sully McCullough. You should go. You know what it takes a kid to have And he was an eight a ten year old Fucking kid, you know another kid is gone. No, it's a fucking nightmare, but I'm only parents though Letting them though. Yeah, would you let your daughter go over there? What your daughter were there hanging out with fucking no Jonah Jonah brother

Listen, you you have people at your friend's room. You always keep your eyes on your kids You know, you always keep your eyes on you always got that crazy uncle, man I got I got a listen. I got a daughter now In about two years. She's gonna start telling me she wants to go to sleepovers I'm not gonna be able to sleep like that. I gotta be parked outside the fucking house Or I gotta have my wife tell her the bad news that she's not allowed to go over there. It's a different time now Listen, man. I came from a society somebody touches your daughter You got to put a bullet in them

And that's just the way it is. That's just the way it is You got to shoot them in the leg. You got to send the fucking message You're gonna wait for the cops to prosecute them and they bring them back and they move them to another fucking town as a gym teacher And that fucking place doesn't do the background check Is that what you and that's what happens that remind me how do you think these people keep doing what they're doing? People think quiet. It's it's a short fucking embarrassed. I just heard a great story I just was in Buffalo

The guy at the casino was telling me a story that they hired a girl And he goes, you know, it takes 30 days to get hired here Because of the extensive background check He goes the first day they said they hired this girl And they sent her to Canada to make a pickup She got stopped at the border. She had a felony They said we got to turn around and don't even ever try to come back here again because we'll fucking throw you in jail He goes, you know the background check. How good was the background check?

They didn't find the felony whether it was from 12 years ago. They only went back 10 It's like when you go to a doctor and give them a fucking physical And all of a sudden one day you're like I got cancer Well, I gave blood tests. Oh, but we didn't check for that. Then what the fuck do you take the blood test for? right The check for what my lips syncs thought I would have fucking is red You know, you gotta Because of money things they don't go farther the distance. I haven't been touched by a cop in 15 years

So now I think if you draw me up all that shit doesn't really come up Unless they look extensively And that's when the real jose Diaz raise your hand. Will the real jose Diaz stand up Well, I mean it's scary with all all these uber drivers getting accused of stuff that have an uber driver One on a on a murder a murder thing a couple years ago and picked up riders in between it was in michigan, I think Like he would kill some people go pick someone up do a couple rides and go kill like you can't trust anybody Fucking nine and you have drivers committed suicide in new york in the last year Because of financial struggles

Because of what uber has done to the cab driver and there's two sides to the story You got ten guys sharing one car There's two sides to the story the problem with the fucking the cab drivers are That you know when you get the cab right off the bat and you flip the thing it's like six dollars Bam to get into a cab and then it's another when you get into uber uber saves you a little bit of fucking money and they're everywhere Ubers everywhere. I'm not mad at uber. I'm not mad at uber at all. I'm not mad at you know what I use uber and lift Both of them meet tremendous

Short distances long distances on the road. They save you fucking time and money. Yeah, and sometimes it's cheap And sometimes it's fucking expensive, but I know if I take a cab from my house lax, it's buck 20 I know if I take an uber excel the one that the thousand with the extra trees is 67. Yeah 70 Four in the morning 60 I got a fucking car uber home yesterday for 39 dollars on sunday because I got 50 off for some reason They throw you little fucking gifts and bonuses So I ain't mad at uber Sometimes I worry about who the driver is if he just came from raping his mother

If he just came from a bar in the 22 kamikaze I'm talking too much, but I used to be an actor so far. I've had I've had mediocre uber drivers. I had an uber driver dog that I felt bad for him, but I also respected him with all my heart He was a guy that worked as blah blah blah and made ta ta ta 20 years and he got old and they laid him off and He has a family on the college College kids he was telling me

So I go what's your schedule and he goes I come out here at five And I hang out till about 11 and then I go home for three or four hours And I do like three till like eight o'clock at night He had waters in the car. He had two plugs for you to charge your phone in He had mints in the car. He asked you what music he wanted For him the uber experience was I gave him like 18 stars Right because it's it's it's it's a nice thing You know in the old days if you needed 200 bucks a week, you sold quail boots

Now you could pick up six people in uber and make two bills. Yeah, no, it's not bad. It's just yeah It's all About who because I've had I had one where some guy Was no joke watching tv while he was driving me home I had a woman. I had a man He picked me up and then I forgot my sunglasses in his car So I forgot my I didn't think about it And then I was talking to my driver in the morning, you know

Um, I got picked up a similar car like this and I left my sunglasses inside Then she goes are these your sunglasses? She goes. Yeah, my yeah So my husband picked you up Her and him and that we share the car. He drives for eight I drive for eight hours in the morning. He drives for eight hours at night. It's crazy. It's crazy. What the I got my fucking sunglasses back. It's crazy with the uber phenomenon Yeah, I can't fucking believe it I got picked up by David Faustino, bro. Who's that bud Bundy? No, you didn't I was just kidding

No, a lot of people started doing it. I guess uncle men started doing it to get publicity. Yeah Martin Rizzle does it who Martin Rizzle does he I mean for for comics and kids I'll tell you what man, if I'm a comedian and I'm starving right now You got no explanation. You got a nice car. No, if you're gonna you go to your car You can rent your car you go to your parents and go listen, man I know I've been busting your balls for years need a eighth. Give me a fucking uh, let me get a $2,000 loan to put down A nice car and I'll fucking uber for a living whatever it is. And you know what's good about uber

You're sitting there watching tv. Nothing's going on. You go uber for two fucking hours. Fuck. Yeah You know you're bored. You're on the other you're back by your house. You want to go eat? Maybe you want to go to the gym? You jump in there. You could have a great fucking life on uber and lift if you do them both I know people who hustle on it. So delivery services are good. I love it. I love the fucking whole concept man Liv's driver had the funniest lift stories, man If you ask me what the creepiest shit ever in your car and I spoke to this guy and he said he picked up um a little he picked up a little person

And a little person like it was drunk Just say fucking midget. Well, uh, he picked up brown williams and barons and then uh, he's gonna say bright williams This is midget. I love brad. I love brad And I don't like it. I love brad. I just said don't just say midget. We don't He said the midget wanted to take him to breakfast the old man said nah, nah, nah I'm gonna eat breakfast with my wife. Come on, man. I'll take you to fucking breakfast He said the midget stood up and started striking in here for the back seat, bro Like jucky pretty much. You know what happened, man?

I saw a police officer that pulled up right next to him. They're retarded Oh, I'm definitely if I'm on the I'm found an uber or I should have opened the sub roof And shut up. I'm like a fucking cat in the if I'm a fucking uber lift driving the morning. I got two cameras in my car Fuck yeah, but it's elite. You can't do that though. Is he candy? Yes, you can't just gotta have a recorder, bro. You just gotta let them know Yeah, I got a camera on just for my safety reasons if that's a problem We get you another car. I understand you cancel it No, I'm okay. If you but if you're a normal individual

What do you got the fucking yeah, I'm just sitting back here picking my nose smoking the vapor pen anyway Yeah, doesn't really matter, but I would put two cameras for safety. I had an uber driver pick me up one night in lingerie A chick that was hotter than death And I could not figure it out for the fucking life of me In lingerie when she came out to help me with the luggage I was like blown the fuck away. She was Armenian very hot With lingerie Yeah, I didn't say two words about I may believe like it didn't even the hustler

I think she was trying to hustle, but it didn't even matter to me. I had a plane to catch I wouldn't know what to do with her anyway. I'm too fucking awful. Wow I had a woman pick me up with her dog and the dog was sitting in the front seat. I've had that and they're not allowed to I know she said do you mind? I don't think that's too late to pick up with dogs or other people. Yeah, I see You know what? I I don't give bad rate because it's their job. I try not to give bad ratings But there was like someone who like they brought his wife in the car. That was creepy There was a wife. Yeah

Copilot, bro. That's crazy. You know last night I was watching rocky rocky's been on a walk I love rock and they had the rocky And I thought about you last night. I thought about how you like Sort of one of the rockies of comedy for leaping for leaping We did a lot of holes back in the day, bro a lot of them and they were all fun Like I when I see myself on stage now and I'm doing certain things and different moves It all started from those little holes. You know, I was telling Lee that yesterday, you know, Lee

I don't have people for stage time But I tell them The more spots you do The quicker you get to the core Yeah, the quicker you and you do people write brilliant jokes For the first five or six years of their life They write brilliant jokes. They stick to the pattern They're good jokes, but something's missing something and they get like your own plans

You get like Montreal. Yeah, you get a couple things. You get happy and it goes away And you're sitting in this limbo. You're sitting in this comedy Confused limbo. You're a feature act, but you can't headline because you got no credits. No credits and and And all of a sudden one night you take this fucking shit gig in some shit town And you're up on stage and you're telling your well-crafted manicure jokes And somebody goes boo you suck

And right away something you get this reaction And now you start just talking You just start talking with this cadence with this confidence and within 28 seconds. You got it Now it's building to a minute and you've never done this material before. No, never. It's all new It's just you talking about your mother If you think I got fucking problems, you're gonna fucking boo me talk Your mother booed you at the school play. Let me tell you something. I know how do I know because I she booed me too You know, you just go into this fucking thing and all of a sudden you get on stage and it's like 200 pounds have been done from your

life And now you don't even know how to explain what happened. You go home and you're like, what do I write in the notebook? That's who I am Yeah, man And all of a sudden after that for another year and a half It fucks with you every once in a while it comes back and forth You feel yourself there, but you don't know how to keep yourself there. You don't know, man You don't know how to keep yourself there. You don't know you're telling the story

You know, like when you told about the story about your gay brother Yeah, you would never consider telling that story the first five years of your life Because you couldn't fucking back it up. You can't back it up if somebody said fuck you and your gay brother You got to jump off the stage and punch him in the mouth After five or six, how long did it take you to reveal that you had a gay brother? Like eight years eight years Yeah Who the fuck wants to hear that you had a gay brother? Maybe I wouldn't talk to you no more if you said right or wrong

Yeah, because the real you Is who's controlling your material not the person you're gonna return. I don't like abortion jokes But to stop that feeling I'm saying abortion joke in seattle My fifth year I did an abortion joke for about three weeks Then it got lost by itself. You know why because I don't like abortion. I don't like talking about it It's a woman's show. Whatever the fuck. Yes. I don't even like saying the word during the show It puts a stalemate to the show But I did it just to get the feeling out of the me too, man

I never did one too recently. I had 20 years don't like abortion jokes I don't like hitler jokes on stage. It puts people on even Unless it's something, you know good something good. It took me 20 years to say hitler on stage. Whoa It took me 20 years to say abortion. I think hit 20 years hitler That when jews say hitler it's like they're picking off the low tree to me You know what I'm saying like go up higher Say don't say hitler you're jewish. I know I feel bad because I just I just wrote one. I know he hates it No, I hate it. I'm happy that you're even thinking that way. I'm happy

You know, I always tell him that I was in shock when I moved out here to see all these jewish people Yeah, bmw's I remember like it's against your core. You're driving the fucking car of people who took your people Yes, and made ashtrays and this and fucking wool coverings out of them and shit and put them in fucking smoke dens And you know, I don't understand that you could sit in those people's car, but I guess that you're Whatever outweighs Your history. I don't fucking know No, some people still like my mom won't do it. She won't watch a mel Gibson movie. There's jews. You take you know, it's it's uh

Yeah, no, but it's weird because in israel they have a Mercedes Benz as all the taxi cabs So it's it's hard. It's hard, but I think it's just that's all about principles She knows 10 years ago If fucking what's his name knocked on the door and some ms. I had Get the lingerie on we're going to town to talk about jews She was cool with him until passionately christ then really? Yeah. Yeah That's when he said the racial slurs. No, and then it was that he was saying the jews killed jesus. That was the movie That's the truth. No, it's not

Yes, the romans killed jesus. Yes, that was Pontius pilot Sold him down the river, but once it's only one view history of jesus and I thought of you Yeah He was prosecuted for blasphemy by the jewish people and then They when they brought him up to Pontius pilot Pontius pilot didn't know what to do because he didn't really break a roman law he broke a jewish law and It was like a it was like this celebration and he was well

We're gonna bring a Pontius pilot. We're gonna bring up Barakas and then we're gonna bring up Jesus christ We're gonna let the people choose who you want Barak Barabbas Or jesus christ and Barabbas was set free and he he killed a roman And jesus christ was sent to the crucifixion under roman law That's a beautiful thing philippe. I didn't know you knew that

What did you learn that rehab bro? I was there I was there now live again recovery homes And now we used to read the bible every morning like have our morning Praise and then we'll separate after night after breakfast and go to like a a or n a meeting How old were you when you were in rehab? I was 22 and how long was the rehab process? I stood there for six months I got out Then as soon as I got out I got into a fight with my dad at home

I almost fell off the wagon. So I said fuck this I went back to rehab Before I fell off again for another six months. So I stood there for a year volunteering No, shit I was like another counselor, but I was like a runner. I was right at the van full of um Full of men full of drug addicts and I'll take them to the welfare office to fill out their welfare and um, I'll take them to the house to the clinics

and I was in charge of the van Sometimes I'll be in charge of the whole camp like 50 men So you went and is that part of what the homeboy is because I've already talked about that and I know He's a pretty father great boy. Oh, he introduced me to uh, uh, a pastor named Jesse Higuera Pastor Juan that's his name and he owned

He owned but he he ran live again recovery homes was a man named bill and um together um, you know, even though they're christian father father great boy knows them and um He like he's I know Philippe as far as like you let him in so they took me in right away So what's a favor? Can you explain father Greg Boyle because he has a pretty like big following for the great boyle and like uh, he's a he's a uh, uh, uh, a Jesuit priest from Boyle Heights

And he started a little church called the lower mission Little tiny church only like a hundred people fit in there and um He started um a thing called job for the future because nobody Nobody wanted to hire people who live in the housing projects Like if they like if you try to get a job outside like at the many warehouses around the neighborhood They look at your address and they'll hire you so father great boyle went to um These companies and said um

If you are just for example, if you hire joy Diaz If you hire at least I had if you hire Philippe as far as that you hire um Tom Segura, whatever um I'll pay them out of my money, but let them work there So they're actually working for free But father great boyle was paying their salaries out of his money And if you like them in six months hire them

So after six months, they'll hire only Joe Diaz and we sucked So Joe Diaz will actually get a job there permanently and then they'll move us to another job. They were Pretty much father great boyle begged them to hire us So after a while he made a lot of money and father great boyle opened up a bakery and that way He hired all the like the the black sheep of the neighborhood A bunch of people and then he he opened up a A silk screen company and he hired more thugs And then he opened up a cafeteria

He hired a bunch of women and that's how he started now. They have a homeboy Bakery in um the airport But what happened was when I won last comment standing before I won They were going through a hard time. They needed money So when they asked me on last comment standing, what are you gonna do with the money if you win? I said, well, I'm gonna give some of it to a homeboy industry And people saw it they looked it up A lot of people give them money and I give them money

Another doing great Yeah, it's pretty cool. It's uh Like one of the things I paid them back, you know, right I mean, how hard is it like is it If you had like the same high school education or whatever as somebody Like is is being like a former gang member like with tattoo like does that stuff really hold you back as much as they Like is it almost impossible to find a job or what is it like? Well, so some of these guys that are like come out of prison. They've been there like for 20 years or 15

I know one kid and one um black kid Like another guy, right? Like this guy name was cartoon this other guy. I forgot his last his name But there was one with a crib and one wasn't from another gang And um a guy broke down So those guys weren't up there to see what's up But an older guy went up there to rob them

So something happened the guy they robbed got shot and those two guys were like 17 18 17 years old They did 20 man. They came out when they're 37 years old So, you know, who's gonna hire them? You know, what kind of job skills you have if they were gang gang begging in prison, too So home for the great give you some uh a chance to work at um homeboy industry at a bakery or um A lot of my friends that I grew up with ended up getting jobs in the movie industry Okay, like he that was the first job that he had for us

Like I had a friend named timothy record. He worked for wendy Lieberman and he was he was he worked for um He worked for um Um for his gun So he ended up working for for his gun. He was one of the actors and um In fucking and whenever doing the protest for the black kids not going to school He was one of the black kids So he was a guy that they helped while he ended up getting killed later on in real life But at least they helped them, you know, it's

You can't help everybody. It's really hard to understand Until you've been locked up or you've made a mistake Or you go to a rehab and you come out And you try to be honest with people like you try to be honest with people Yeah, to a point in your life where you're like highly My name is joey dears. I'm here to apply for the job. I want to be a baker's assistant Fill out the application and you have those questions on there Were you convicted of a felony? Have you ever been convicted of a felony? You have a decision to make, you know

After I did my thing. I never marked those boxes No, I didn't lie and I didn't say the truth. You know what I'm saying? I just left them open. I had my personal reasons I didn't want that label, you know, but I have been at places where The guy hires you And then the word gets out. You were in prison and now people start breaking your balls It's a really weird Dynamic unless you've seen it like I saw it in restaurants in New York when I worked at the Sheridan

The manager down there was a racist white fuck from like fucking. I don't know From a dip they had that transferred him. Yeah, and he would always ride these three black guys that were bus boys Like if you don't do your job right, you can end up back in the fucking prison Don't push me to make the call and at that time I hadn't been in prison But it didn't I knew in my mind that someday I was going to prison And I remember how bad I felt for them that I would always tell them one of you motherfuckers should just knock them out Let's knock them the fuck out And it was weird because I had a job for a while at the galaxy towers

and They had to give me a job because somebody made a call But the dude who was my boss from the minute I walked in was like He didn't like me And every week he was writing me up or something But there was nothing he could do Because the guy who got me the job there He there was nothing he could do

And it aggravated him so he would pick on me Like little by little so It's really weird I know what it's like to get a job for people to treat you differently because you've gone down a different path You know whether you have fucking a tattoo on your neck or you got out of a rehab So when father Boil does something like that You don't imagine how much

Progress an individual makes Just by making bagels every day If I give you a direction All right at first the first week you look at it as fuck I got out of the prison to make bagels How the fuck am I gonna hang out with my homeboys? You know what I'm saying if I'm making bagels But then something happens

You look at it from a different perspective You don't want to make just bagels you want to make the best bagels Because that's all you got is pride And that it's like when you go to prison they have these prisons now that let you have dogs and cats And they've stayed I've studies that those prisoners who've made contact With dogs and cats before they get released into general population The recidivism rate is down Because now they have something to care about

You have to give the felon the ex-drug addict The ex-person who tried to kill themselves. Yeah, all those people you have to give them a special treatment not hands-on You got to remind the motherfucker everyone said oh, hey dog. Where are you the motherfucker trying to hang yourself on a light bulb? You fell off the roof go pick up the fucking garbage, you know what I'm saying? I mean you crack different jokes, but That's one thing that I respected. Yeah, I read unto them. Yeah, it's so weird. They have bread At different farmers markets. Yes, and I picked in chips and chips and shit and I picked up the pamphlets I always buy the bread. I always buy something Even if I give it to the neighbor, you know saying like I don't see him up here at the farmers market

But I'd always see him with the hollywood farm is market with the dude. Who's the dude that came in fifth? in uh in NBC's America's top comic whatever that fucking show you last time standing as comic standing. He was a creepy dude. That was the next boxer that j Jay Great guy rogan loves him. I love him. He knows everything about boxing. He used to have creeps. Hey, london Jay london. Yeah, london. Thank you. I'm sad. Thank you

On saturdays j london would take in sundays if you go to the The hollywood flea market. Yeah, the hollywood food thing On sundays, you see j london taking signatures there Like badass like 20 feet from boy knows a lot about boxing. Yeah, no, no, he knows everything about boxing Bro, he taught me the he taught me this move. He goes, you know, there's two moves, you know There's one you get real close and if you're tired of boxing you rest your head on his shoulder He goes another one. He goes you make a little turn your head bottom

Yeah, he's crazy, but what a sweet heart of a guy awesome guy, but no every time because of you And I read the pamphlet one day and I remember you mentioning them You know whether he's a pre one of the fucking years. He did some yeah, he did I would love to Be a part of a halfway house like some type of Because I knew when I went to a halfway house It was a 40% thing 40% they were really trying but they left too much of an area of a gap For you to get involved in bad things. So there's more activities. You have to give them

There's more things you have to talk about there's different things You have to I used to hate those fucking men groups me too, man Oh Especially the one without dog with one candle on no, I don't do those This ain't no swami. This ain't uja. This is that What's that? Weegee the pacoy my n a like no no candle like meeting no no I used to go to that one man when I was in bolder

I was for one candle every whole dog a bunch of men dog cried When I was in bolder, I was made to go to a a meetings as part of rehab A or any I would do whatever because whatever was easiest at the end of the week. It's all the same. Shit. It's a different wording So I would go to a a meetings. I went one night to a midnight candle one Oh my god, I lasted 10 minutes. I even put a dollar in the basket

Usually you wait till you put a dollar in the basket and go to the bathroom get the fuck out of you You get your little signature because you had to go to a piece of paper You had to get a signature for the dude, but I would duke them like 20 just put like five sentences on there for me I was um, those guys are flat broke. They don't give a fuck those a guys for the small 50 They'll sign you away their lives. I used to go to have the small 50 though You're in the halfway out when you want action. You got to come up with the small 50 God damn it. I used to go to the narcotics anonymous meeting and white memorial hospital every Friday from 7 o'clock to 9 p.m And I say, you know, I'm not going to come here man. It's too many fucking gangsters here

But I committed myself to go. I said I was somebody who was in charge of the coffee and they didn't want to do it anymore So I said I'll bring the coffee every week. So they gave me the coffee pot So every every Friday I would show up early and make the pot of coffee And then they'll give me the money to go buy more coffee and I was the coffee guy I never shared shit. I never said anything. I just stood in the back next to the some blonde white chola and She was in charge of donuts One meeting I was there. I saw a guy talking

And at the end of the meeting I shook his hand. He goes, do you remember me batman? And he goes batman. He goes, I don't really copy that no more. You know who I am. No, I don't He goes, I loaned you my car for 60 dollars and you fucking wrecked it No, and you you've had him in the keys and told me all of my fault And I said you want some coffee How long were you involved with drugs? Oh, man, I I found out fast man. I started smoking pot. He meet at 20 years old 19

And then the next year I was smoking crack and pcp Because 20 is kind of late for I was drinking already man at 15 years old because you know, I used to go to a lot of kinsaneras a lot of birthday party dogs a lot of like Cheevo killings a lot of goats slaughtering I used to go to parties, bro with my mom and dad where it started at night in the morning And they would like cut up a live a pig bro like a real pig a whole pig and have a pit

Full of lard and they'll put all the pork rinds of the pig inside So we're eating pork rind Carnita tacos, bro And then then by five by four by noon They're cleaning up the other part of the of the other part of the of the pig and they're making them tacos over carnitas Nachi charron carnitas and by nighttime All that leftover fat they get that fat and they make a pot of beans

And they make tamales was it and we're there for like a whole day, bro Eating a whole fucking pig But at 15 you could drink in front of your parents, but no man There was a bunch of beer also, but um They were like about 10 kids and we would just grab a beer and then sneak it away grab a beer sneak it away Remember when you would drink drinks and that people leave the parties when you were a kid I never did that shit You know what it was I had access to that with food, bro. I had access to alcohol, man

I had tons of access to access to alcohol If I had friends that would need a bottle I just go up to my mother's bar and take one and put it in my jacket and just give it to her Just go I don't want you out fucking asking old people. I got a bottle just And I'd make my mother scratch her head. I know I had an extra bottle of alcohol You know, I had so much access to alcohol and I didn't use it. I didn't like it for leaping I didn't like and then we had a bar downstairs In my house in north bergham. We had no bar

You made a left out You could either go up the stairs to the kitchen or there was down the stairs There was a boiler room, but the people who had it for paneling up like a teakie room And they have a little slot for bottles and uh There was little makeshift bar with four stools I just never dug it that you had that with the right next to that record player That opened up with mayor the wood and then lit up. They had the they had a small record player down upstairs They had the record player. This is how old I am guys

We had the record player in the middle And then you you had the eight track in the corner But you controlled everything from the other corner and it was beautiful It was a long piece like a regular desk like like a long draw And then you'd slide the case and the tv would be underneath. Yeah, no vcr Cable came And then you had to put the cable like on the floor because you had the turntable here You had the eight track in the corner

And you had all the controls for the stereos and the speakers were in the drawers underneath the fucking thing So the stereo was a big piece of hell. Yeah Because then around you had to little you had to buy the other part of the high-fi To make everything sound good. Did you grow up with money Felipe at all? What did you guys grow up with money? No, we had no money man, but uh like government help. No my dad worked my dad was a welder. He worked at pike welding company and my mom said that um He was one of the He hit his company. They welded parts of the Panama Canal

Like everybody in America had a part to do with the canal So my dad he he welded pieces of it that they shipped to Panama to make the canal He had that job for many years and but that was a welder for a long time, but um He got into his car accident later on when I was in high school and he fucked up his back But then my mom picked up the pieces she became a assistant nurse at elementary school and eventually she was like the The school manager at night. She's the one that loaned you balls and bats and basketballs

How how old were they when they had you my mom was I don't know man. I was born in Mexico They were like in their 20s. I guess god that's so scary to me What just have it like You do you have to take care of these kids and you're like I I still don't feel ready at all and my dad has seven bro seven six seven He has six together with your mom my mom bro. What number are you? I was like number one Oh, good. Like number two came my brother angel my brother Fernando. Do you remember coming over the hell? Yeah, bro I remember getting caught twice

I remember my brother dressing up like a little girl and um but um Yeah, I remember getting caught. That's it And what they do is here. Oh man. They um, they locked us up at the San Clemente jail And then they released us back then. It was like we were Mexicans were like fish like like bass It was catch and release So they will catch you getting in to just write down your name and then they'll toss you back

Into um Tijuana, Mexico And it took the third time for you to get in the third time. Yeah, and all nine years got in No, it was my bro. I have um Four brothers that were born in America. Okay, so just the three of us my dad was already here My dad was already working here My my dad's cuz my dad's nephew nieces and nephews and his cousins they were all working here They came here like in the late early 70s, so

They were working at this column. I think of the a record company and they press records and vinyls You know, they put vinyls inside boxes and they shipped them and that was their job and my dad was a welder So when we first got here once we snuck in I think we took they took us to like a place where they keep everybody who's illegal Who hasn't paid their their smuggler? I guess we sat there for two days To somebody paid I guess

I guess I didn't know that I forgot to be there for three days and somebody had to pay So we were in Carson City of Carson And when did you finally grew up in boy? I grew up in Boyle Heights. I went to elementary school called Sheridan and We all lived in one room my dad my mom was one room in the kitchen. That's it So we slept on the same bed How were the meals? I don't remember man. We had a lot of beans and homemade flour tortillas, bro

Three miles a day done for they can make it happen eggs you Wake up in the morning and make like I guess a hundred flour tortillas and Boyle a pot of beans and then by nighttime She'll make sorry chorizo with potatoes, bro, and My dad will bring cheese from somewhere and we'll make us ideas eat Sometimes we eat on fried eggs with rice and beans and flour tortillas

But we're good man. I I mean I never complain you think back about those days at all Is it part of who you are today? I think so man It helped me like appreciate meals, you know, not to waste food or time My dad told me, you know, like he would give me advice like my dad will come home dirty as fuck, you know, like Like a coal miner black, you know and hands filthy filthy hot from well, you know day He told me, um, I don't know. I don't care what you're doing life You know at longest you have a job where at the end of the day You don't have to wash your hands to eat

And I'm pretty pretty much took his advice from a fellow comedian. When did you become a dodger hotdog? Oh Before the crack after the crack before the crack before drugs um You were in good shape, huh Felipe you couldn't do that job today, huh? Fuck. No, you'd fall apart at the seams that bursalis would come back That plateau fasciitis shit. Oh shit. I'll be over there with a fucking doctor men medicine guy massage my foot I got a job at dodger stadia, man when I was like back in 90 I don't know. I'm 90 90s

Damn, but I was working at before no, I used to I was working at dodger stadia when I was in high school I was a souvenir seller, bro. I used to have a like a Like a little basket with seven, um dodger helmets seven dodger koala bears seven little bats six pendants five cheerleading things a partridge in a pantry. Yeah, and I'll be walking around the stadium going souvenirs

Get your Dodger souvenirs. How would you get up there for more heights before I catch the bus? I was like 16 years old 17 I will catch the bus and um They will pay me fucking cash at the end of the show at the end of the game How much are you? So if I sold a four hundred and sixty dollar worth of merch I came home with 80 bucks If I hold if I sold 200

I came home with 20 bucks. I'll get 20 percent of everything I sold Dude, how explain to people who don't live in LA how hot it is during like the summer like What was a day game like in august a hundred bro god damn But see man, I lost my virginity wearing that fucking clothing, bro I was working there, bro. And man one night. I don't know you glee every fucking baseball season Is hot all over the place. Yeah, I don't I don't work carrying stuff around There was astrodustin yankies I was at a fucking Dodger game once where Ralph he got blessed and so

He just hey there, buddy He just won comic standing and he fucking was spending money as soon as it was coming in And he got us three tickets To go see Roger Clemens against the Dodgers And we all fucking went and it was right as the sun was melting us We were right there where the sun just steels you we didn't know and when you get there We're like damn. It's empty around here because people know not to sit there like Dodger Pete

Yeah, it's empty during the they're out there in the stands in the hallway. He got those tickets like an hour before Like we could see Clemens his hairs on his nose and shit But nobody sits there because people do sit there sit there with umbrellas and suntan lotion Wolf three fat fucks Me eating edibles that's when we were going we were going to the store next to dukes It was the black people that used to running on sunsets and they had big chocolate cakes that were delicious We're at the fucking Dodger game eating cakes Getting stoned and also had the three innings were like bro

We're starting we had puddles on the rhymes my fucking scalp had a heart attack A sunburn. I'm like we gotta go Now I get cheap tickets I go twice a year with the kids and I get cheap tickets a bunch of us The kids get together and I'll tell you what it's a great time while I get the reserve parking I walk up those stairs right there. I hook a fucking left. I get on the elevator up And I have a great time and I take her with kind of her girlfriends the church The preschool and I'll tell you what it's a great time. I love baseball season. I just don't go

As much as I fucking could I gotta be in new york in new york for a month And I made aria promise that we're gonna at least go to one Yankee game and get a $15 or $20 cheese steak Why not? You only live once only live walk the fucking things, you know baseball. It's like this time of the year Great Garcia fucking hit me up to pick a bracket The winner gets $7,500 $2,500 cash And $5,000 went to a charity of your choice

And I couldn't figure out who to pick. I didn't even know who to pick I mean duke is the obvious for north carolina But there's always that come from behind team. Yeah, the motherfuckers that squeak each game by one Irvine Irvine, you see are they still alive? They're done. They're done. Yeah Later next year and eaters that was the only they were on there was the only cow ruling hard that made it Right. Yeah, how many teams are we down to now? I don't know 16. Oh, it's a sweet sweet 16 baby That's why yeah. Yeah. It was pretty exciting. I watched a couple games. I saw a fucking Duke just kill somebody

I saw fucking duke just bury somebody I think I saw duke on their first game when they bury somebody but I saw somebody else bury seat in the hall That were white kids and me and my wife looked at the school where it was. It was an all christian school Hallelujah, these motherfuckers were playing old school white basketball. You are you maybe? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, this is Stroudsburg or south carolina like that's how small this and it's not called stroudsburg Don't quote me on that. Whoever beat seat in all in the first round Look who beat seat in all in the first round. How many times they they were disciplined. Let me tell you something They were fucked. They played white

basketball To the tee the defense the passing They had a white kid on there that was and they probably lost by now because they were just too small of the school So whoever beat seat in all in the first round What kind of offer they were running probably squad But they're doing a lot of passing huh playing like a Midwester team's blowing things down seat in hall They had a kid that Was putting up jump shots without even fucking looking at the goddamn

Thing my buddy. I want to thank Greg horrendo over fairly Dickinson University he got to the first round listen like I talked Billy horrendo today and I told my brothers got nothing Nothing nothing to be ashamed of just getting to the nc double a's is something Greg and I go back to the eighth grade Summer of 78 going to five star basketball fucking camp So for him to even make it to the fucking who they lose to warford College in spartanburg spartanburg south carolina spartanburg dog and who they lose to the poor guys Let's see here

See if they lost already because they're great But they're gonna get beat up by a bigger more physical team down the fucking line But this for me When I watch this Yeah, they lost the university of campus. I think yeah, that's it. They played somebody like that. Oh, no, kentucky. Yeah that That's fucking unless this was last year. I'm freaking freak out. Is that the cardinal lobo So like I was saying to you before when I watched the movie rocky. I think a lot about you In the comedy world. You're like a true

Fucking rocky economy. Good. Like they were They had so many other Spanish comics do yeah Oh, that they're sleeping and It's not that you were out there sleeping sleeping. You were out there doing What you're supposed to be doing and that's Creeping why you're sleeping? it's

Going out and doing three spots a day and you never complained. We never taught me in those days You and I never spoke about acting. It was ever if you remember our original conversations It was always about where we're going to do a spot that night. Where's the spot tonight dog? I got no money. Where's the spot to that? Well, let me make the call and you would call some call fly He has to call. That's a latina It was a one. Yeah, that you know, it's just I don't see that anymore. I mean, I'm not in that circle anymore They're probably they don't want to call me because you know, what the fuck am I calling for? $40. Yeah to do liams

But who's the queen? I don't know. You know the kid finding lost a room Out there. They don't have it no more in ontario. Yeah He lost it. There's done no more. No more liams. That was a long dude. That was a that was a he booked me one time Pay me 150 bucks. Then I saw the flyer It was next week. Jamie walker. What the fuck? What about the club we would do up north? the crazy kids that had the coked up girlfriend And they would do coke stocked in right? No, no, no

There was a room you and me used to do an hour out He used to call josh wool. He was friends with josh wool He paid John in 30 hours to headline on a friday But he had a girlfriend who was hot And she was a cokehead And he would bring you up and he'd start doing coke by the time you got off stage Hem and her were coked up to the gills. They had a little bar And he always paid a weird amount. I can only give you 115

I can only give you 111. You know what I'm saying? I can only give you 118 dollars to that I got coverages and you took the gig it was an hour away. You said the commie store 1130, but I've never remembered And then no San Bernardino or something right up to corner ventura. You and I discussed it Because the girl we did coke with the girl On there talking about it was a hot white girl It was a room over there up north and the the kid it was ventura. Yeah, ventura, right And it was 805 comedy. Yes 805. Hey, you know that guy talking about I saw him in a documentary He was uh, he was he's uh, he does pretty good. I'm air guitar

Ha Yeah, 805 comedy he had he had these two white on white shoes. There was a couple 805 comics Yeah, the russian kid who was scamming people Who finally I know that last scam was the Santa Barbara victims and he had brody go up there That's the Santa Barbara room, bro. I did it with join Medina. Yes. Yes. It was a little room It was no no hotel room You're gonna leave and drive back home. They had the college up there. Yeah that you did once he got fired You are down down through the coach house

Where was the coach? The coach house was in Santa Barbara on the wednesday nights um Italian Dante used to book it mean me and um other comedy to always go there I would do the coach house there and the coach house And now someone come to strato and the same guy He had a room at the galaxy theater And I did it with willy barts and the galaxy theater was where I'm in santa anna, california. Yes Yes, Thursday night Thursday nights

It was 200 and it was a step not a steakhouse at dinner theater. Yeah dinner theater dinner theater It's still there. It's still there, but nobody does comedy every once in a while somebody pulls a comedy That'd be a nice place for you to Get going. Yeah, bro That same guy was booking the coach house at Santa Barbara the coach house And and uh, someone could be strong on an off night and the guy you'll take a beat in the first night But I mean you got eating dinner during the show You know they finished dinner they finished dinner. Okay. It's just it's in there in levels

It's not doesn't see the lot Maybe two of that's one of the first times I became with your friends with Joe Rogan Yeah, we would be friends from the fucking comedy store Clyde with the name of the guy Clyde and there was very uh light our friendship And then one day we were both stuck on traffic and when I look over these park next to me And he looks at me goes, where you going? I go I'm going to the galaxy He goes on you're working with a friend of mine tonight telling my son. Hello that guy was outlining I was featuring but they did not like me at all

They did not like a dirty crowd at all the galaxy in fact Maybe six or seven years ago. I opened for Rogan there Before the UFC we did a show there on a Friday night Before ufc. I was and I remember going and they're going. Oh my god I was here before I forget the kid who used to book it for me. It wasn't Clyde He was a kid that's still around That one night made a weird statement about me in front of me and we had to shut him down

Because he said that if he were no ricky, right the latino guy No, it's not ricky or tease. No, this guy was a white dude. He said you're bob briquette. No, he goes you're lucky I'm not going Because you won't be able to follow me and I know I could definitely follow you And I remember chewy looking at him going you're out of line and walking away And that thursday the dude was nowhere to be found He was talking a bunch. What did you do to him me? Yeah, I didn't do what do we only do? I don't know. It sounds like a month. It's the type of thing that you go. Let's see if it's true

I'll see you that thursday. I'll fucking do my dirty ascent. I'll throw you the fuck off Well, I'll come on here with the energy of 10 fucking prisoners. Just let out And you're not gonna be able to follow that. So why would you make a statement and he's still around? I still see him in stupid fucking movies. We don't who gives a fuck. He could get by a train. How about blithe and brawley? You know the brawley for patrick the gear or or that Papa chulo, where is patrick the gear? I have no idea bro somewhere starting his t-shirt. No, he's gotta be blind by that By now, he's gotta be blind bro. He was blind and with it. It's uh make He was blind 10 years ago hustling more than people

Hell, yeah, he has rooms. I never disrespect them for that. He get there. Enjoy. I got the I got the This navy pier. I'm a piece of you in. Oh, yeah, he always had fucking rooms dog If there was an opportunity for a room, I respected those guys. Hell, yeah, there was a time when you gotta Those guys at one time you like Jesus christ. What an awesome human while he won Also, you gotta go back and go wait a second. They're offering me money to apply my trade

He always had weird gigs, but they weren't the garden. They're not the comedy store. They're not the improv Weird gigs. It was a gig. What about the fucking gig that the guy was weird as fuck? And he used to book wednesdays at the irish bar in in Huntington beach one of those beaches. He was from boston He was really creepy with a beard. He booked that and he booked What's above simu? What's above if i'm going to see me valley? What do I pass?

Uh, I love that they did a latin short. No, they did a lot of other color bastards. No They did a show there a latin show on sundays for a while 125. Who's the guy that died with the prosthetic leg? um Fuck yeah, I'm back the Cuban dude. The rest is so he would have to have the goggles I don't know if he had fucking goggles. No, he's the one of the big eyes. He just thought a little bubble lies No, no, that was a different one of us. What was his name? Old guy. He was gone blind He had thick glasses. He would host at the lab factory and one day actually pulled up and his face was in the poster

Looking at this franckie carlasquillo Frank costilla franckie carlasquillo. He moved to a new york. Yeah. Yeah, he could yeah He's Puerto rican. He had big thick fucking glasses. I mean guys. Oh, right. Oh, right. You cannot He was fucking blind, bro. He was blind him and patrick This guy was blind. He was a little bit more blind than Then costilla. Well, patrick till this day gets the utmost respect from me in appreciation because

I'll never forget like watching him remember towards the end his wife Started coming in. Yeah. Yeah kids. Yeah kids and he was up there with the fucking stick Calling and doing open mics and I was bumping mad in I would bump into him in places And he would be really serious about his trade Like he was really fucking serious. He wasn't lighting the world on fire fully pay, but You look back and you go jesus christ. I remember getting inspired by him man. I remember he booked me one of those shows and he like Big fast fucking dinners, bro. Like a fucking fast steak shrimp fries everything, right? We're eating and this person like a

Across from having a heart attack and he's dying And then like everyone's stopping to eat and I looked over at him a patch. I mean you stop eating that guy's dying over there Bro, I can't I can't see shit man. I can't see him So do you feel like the mexican rocky of comedy hell, yeah, man Like where you came from and how slow the process was very slow. How slow was it until you got the last comment? It was like, um When I got to last comment standing I've been doing comedy what nine years 10 10 and now I'm at 22 That was 12 years ago as congressman. Yeah, 2010

There were nine years ago. Jesus that went quickly Yeah, but you learned bro like you I learned like I owe them. I was headlining, but they pushed me out there, but Like you say like it's you learn bro like I remember bombing one time And I'm looking at the audience in Atlanta, Georgia And it was like 38 people on a thursday and then I got the I said, um you know what um Normally if I was doing comedy for like two years, I would think that was bombing tonight that I sucked

But nah, you guys sucked You guys sucked you guys failed as an audience You guys suck. I'm good. You guys are not great Because you are not ready to even be in a fucking open mic room You this audience is not even ready to be in a bringer room. Like you're not allowed to get invited into a bringer show Then I got the crowd back Because I really thought that they sucked. I didn't suck. I did my job these jobs work everywhere, but here Do you blame the crowd some time? Oh jokingly? Yes, but deep down you like me you blame yourself

Yeah, I'll fuck. Yeah, I blame myself. You want a crowd when the when I'm killing up there And when I'm killing but later on in the room, I feel like nah, man, you cheated you went back to your old jokes or You know, you did something you did something bad like um, what do you think about that going back to your old? I feel like I feel like for me it's a cop out like And I know that people are not gonna laugh as hard, you know because they already heard it But I know there's some who haven't heard it But then I feel like I don't even I let you to the set Then I hear these old jokes that I said you go see Santana today. Have you almost last time you went to see Carlos live?

Carlos Santana, yeah, never the first the first fucking 45 minutes of Carlos Santana He does two things. He talks your fucking ear off and he plays music. You don't even want to hear when you're dead You understand me then the last 30 minutes he does a rendition of combo your combo va But and that's when you look around and you see people going crazy They're coming back with a bucket, but in their balance. I'm digging a shit the other day I'm fucking driving and I heard black dog by Led Zeppelin The most played album in the history of the fucking world And I'm sitting in at one point. I hit the light and I caught myself being the taken back

How come when you go see a musician and you see their set list if they got 15 songs 12 of them better be motherfucking ones. I know from the previous albums Do you want to play your new shit save that for the farmers market? Yeah, man. Hell, yeah Do you think that works for comedians? Hell, no because when you're when you're doing comedy There's a surprise element at the end. Yeah, you know It's just surprise. You're surprised at Joey said fucking teabag, you know, but when you hear it like over and over You know, you know more surprise you just smiling now. No, that's why I give myself so much time in between cities because You never want to

I don't want them to see me like people go to the same cities the same time every year It burns me up. Like yeah, I got material since to the Netflix special. Thank god. You know, I got it because I'm not When you're sweating material Everyone's come to you man when you're not sweating material and you don't give a fuck if I come to you and say I'm gonna give you $10,000 to fucking do a special on August 15th, you're gonna want to fucking be Writing like John Mulaney. You have a gun to your head. Yeah, I need 18 months. I'm gonna come up with two

I might do a cd this summer like in august Just to get this hour done and start another one until I hear what's going on or whatever But I gotta tell you I asked you in the beginning of you will issue the special I'm not too thrilled and specials no more. No, I think that they've I think it's time for us to come up with something different as comedians A movie to refresh. Yeah a movie. I think it's time for not not like a scripted movie Something different something that mixes the elements of animation Your family where you came from and excerpts of your comedy

I think because people are listening to podcasts and they're knowing who the fuck you are Yeah, then now they understand when they see you and Lisa by the pool Cooking a fucking cake out of carrots Or whatever the fuck you do, you know, you guys the Trader Joe's trying organic apples I get excited Joey like when um, I know you don't do thursday through sunday You do friday saturday sunday, but no, I do thursday. I love thursday, bro. Thursday. It's my night thursday Thursday, you might hear jokes. You're not gonna hear. Yeah, you're not gonna hear. Oh, I'm gonna forget them But I'm a gore of my style. I love I love there always have thursday's my hate show

I don't mind like this week. I have to add up. I already gotta be tight I had a I had a thursday night late show for this in Pittsburgh because see because it was overwhelming But I usually like thursday's thursday's fun, you know, and I hate when they come in and they go How much time are you doing on thursday? We don't know does it matter? Maybe 115 because I'm gonna try everything that's in that notebook And I'm gonna find out what you feel like you feel young, huh? So now the first show friday you chopped it down to 50 But now the second show you rotated something ma'am and now the set is tight. No, it's cooking now saturday

They're fucking ready. We're feeding into them Bop-bop-bop-bop. I love all that shit. I love that whole you can back kick them get them in this. That's why I love that Felipe. Yeah, I love it man. You don't have to count me storm on But who's me? I know you live far from there, but Felipe if you're in town for the week Just call in for tuesday and thursday and do all three shows Do the main room do the original and do the belly room. They'd love to have you Who do I call call fucking?

The fucking thing called uh Dunkin trust. Oh no. No, I'll uh call the chick that I forget what her name is. Emma Yeah, something like that. Oh, her name is in my phone. You call on you go and you put me on belly room shows on tuesday nights They'll put you on both of them You do the original room and you do same triplets main room That's four spots. That means you can rotate your jokes in four different situations. Take a bombing

Yeah, you're probably bombing the belly room for the 10th show, but you're like you're tired by that time Yeah, that bill's comedy endurance, you know, you don't know you can lift 350 pounds until you try it You're gonna try you go shit. I can lift 280, but I gotta get up to 350. Yeah, it's the same concept I love When I was doing my shit with you when you and I were running hard In the early 2000s, we were doing three spots a night three spots. I mean one time, um, I did 15 spots In our lane in one week Oh, yeah, yeah, that's that was the

Remember that deejay with a fucked up hand. He got me a couple of deejay rubin. He got me a couple of gigs I got a couple of gigs at the steven steakhouse. There's always the money always always 75 bucks 75 bucks somebody Oh and a bad piece of meat Oh my god, it was bad. It's just a little better than steak. Um, it's like yeah It's like the guy hasn't died yet and somebody or then that one Then that maybe they had a kamacho's for a while on a sunday. Oh my god Kamacho I act right I love that for a fucking sunday

Bro kamacho's I asked somebody somebody picked me up the other day from who but I go, what are you from? He goes lakewood. I go is the hop still there And he goes, I don't know what you're talking about. He was a young kid Yeah, and I explained them that 10 years ago the hop on a fucking wednesday night. They used to sell tacos outside no gloves No gloves lee they would give you a coupon You can have a coupon for three drinks or a coupon for tacos We will get the tremendous. We will get there early, bro Get fucking high outside in a parking lot come inside eat tacos and watch Thursday night nitro

It's pilot for bomba dear time for lee. Mm. Something's hitting them, you know It was comedy in a live band. My brother, you know, it's hitting me the good good decision. You see that's uh, No more smoky for lee. He got asthma last week. He came back with too many stories They gave him a bottle of cough medicine with a cold good You think he brings it in to share with his friends? No, he's a half a fruitcake You think he'd bring in and give us a shot of cough medicine So we could be aware of the bronchitis. He's gonna give it my brain doesn't go I'm not hoarding it

Who thinks they're bringing cough medicine for someone or you should have it on you just for little sips We're fucking like zambuca. They say you can't drive on it. So come butcher and you believe that shit Do you believe everything lee? I try to Why would they lie to me? Oh my god, I drive around the neighborhood, but I'm not gonna drive fucking No, you could drive from there down one fucking thing of fucking cough medicine It's good. Do you really read the labels and no, they told it. You know what this guy told me? What if I'm thinking I go on to a strip club? I just called to see if they had a cover charge He called

This strip club To see if they had a cover charge This is what I deal with ladies and gentlemen on a saturday night in buffalo with no window to jump out of He called the strip club to see if they took a fucking Even if they did let you in for free What do you think they're gonna let you see those hoofs for free? No, you gotta take a dollar

No, I know I got that's why they didn't go. That's why they didn't go. Can you imagine that people when I got to deal with this one? Come on at least I at least I don't make it rain. He makes it partly cloudy with chances of Participation I didn't bring the cough medicine because the label says not to drive that label over there with the edible says not to do Dick, I still gotta go to jump up and down and take my daughter. I gotta go pack I gotta go to new york. I got shit to do. You know how many you know how many for forkless I operated How many after really eating pills chewing oxy cutting fuck, that's how you don't have to drive your best I'm not nothing you go down the you're more sure of yourself when you're um, yeah, he abbreviated man. Oh my god He'll take everything put your seatbelt on and he'll be in here till midnight

Probably he'll be in here till midnight. We don't make a bet What dates you got coming up gene money? I'm gonna be an arlington improv this weekend thursday through sunday And um, I'm gonna be in I'll check right here Where can they go? What's the word of philippinsworld.com's last word all the fucking dates and just tell them where to go Yeah, no, no, no, April 4th through the 6th charlotte, north carolina And i'm gonna be april 18th through the 20th and tocoma washington with Rachel woofie sam or the river torrent jolly rocky will be there for four

Put a picture of her up today. She's a beautiful young girl. She's funny, bro She's a beautiful. I don't even know her her father. Her mother is a judge who put oj in prison in jail She looks like her. Yeah, you can tell I heard about that about it. She's I gotta get around the show one of these She's pretty cool. Felipe, uh, you're one of my all-time favorites here. What's up, boo? Beyond the comedy you're one of my brothers. Don't forget to watch The dirt because he says I'm gonna watch the dirt at the end of it He looks at all four guys and he goes, I don't care if motley crew ever strums a note again I just want my brother's back and that's how I feel

Hell, yeah, I want my brother's back. I'm happy you come down here. How's the podcast door? What's up, fool? What's so cool about that comedy is doing great, bro? You know, if it wasn't a hundred degrees. I was on the way you sweatshirt your sweatshirt Fits beautifully. Thank you. Yeah. I'm just I'm just waiting for the right opportunity If you know what I'm waiting for this. No, so we could what if you know I'm saying if we're gonna bust it out We're gonna bust it out on something big. That's it. All right Something believe this bars. I love you to death me I will be in pit only only available is 4 4 10 o'clock for pittsburgh at the improv in homestead

You know, I love you mother fuckers I can't wait to be there and we added a second show at the paps theater for 4 20 that rifa and 4 19 is sold out In minneapolis and that's it and that's that real quick I just want to run you down on something because you know me I love our sponsors our sponsors are the best out there. We start off today with robin hood It's an investment and it lets you buy and sell stocks ETS options and cryptos all commission free. That's just a starter while other brokeries charge you up to $10 for every trade Robin hood doesn't charge any commission fees at all

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I want to thank my bookie and I want to thank my main people over at robin hood to put this together I love you guys. We're all my heart. Philippe a sponsor go to Philippa. This was a Philippe as far as the Philippines world.com slash tour for all the dates all your dates and listen support This guy when he comes your brothers who when you're in the east coast go see Philippe out of respect He keeps his tickets low out of respect for you Go see this guy. This is a talent that you cannot fucking miss you understand me Don't make me fucking repeat myself to you. I want to thank the flying ju aka the christ killer the original But most importantly, I want to thank you guys for giving me opportunity to come into your fucking living room

Yeah, thank you very much earplugs once or twice a week. All right. I love you guys Thank you very much for listening All you could do is be a little bit better today than we were yesterday Let them all suck your dick if you ate three vikings yesterday eat two today You're a lot better off than what happened yesterday. Stay black I'll see you motherfuckers Wednesday morning with a tremendous podcast just like this one. Lee kick this fucking meal I Want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart

I Some somebody twice as smart as I A somebody who Will swear to be true as you used to do with me Who'll leave you to learn that misery loves company Wait and see I mean I want to be around To see how he does it when he breaks your heart to bits

Let's see if the puzzle fits So far And that's when I'll discover that revenge is sweet As I sit there applauding From a front row seat When somebody breaks your heart like you Like you profile