Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #674 - Tony Hinchcliffe

Episode Date: April 11, 2019

Tony Hinchcliffe, stand up comedian and host of the "Kill Tony" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:  Teeter Inversion Table - Go to Teeter.com/church for $70 off your Teeter Inversion table PLUS $100 worth of accessories, FREE shipping and FREE returns.    Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.    

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Tony Christ killer And your uncle Joey motherfuckers here we go Oh Tony hates you from the fucking house. What's up my man? I can't call it great to have you back Yeah, I've been a while and shit. I did not know you were a heavy Pink Floyd fan Huge Pink Floyd fan now between you and I do you like to sit barred shit? Really, honestly, not that much. Oh my god

I rather hear Yoko ono jump up and down with a ukulele Yeah, it was tell like when people came up to me There was certain types of music when I was growing up there when people came up to me and said they really liked this I would look at them and say really or is it that you're trying to fucking be cool, right? Because this is garbage. Yeah, he was trying to be cool. Let me know The early Pink Floyd is like Yoko. Oh, it's like nails on a fucking board. Yeah, you know, I didn't start coming around till I Wasn't hip to Pink Floyd as much as Led Zeppelin Sabbath and then when I took a hit acid and I want to see a midnight movie when I was growing up midnight movies

We're huge Tony Hinchcliffe every movie theater had two movies The What's the movie where people yell and scream? Oh, Rocky horror rock. Yeah, Rocky horror and then the other one would have a classic or Rock concert so remains the same and one of the ones I went to see was Pink Floyd live at Pompeii. Oh, yeah I know that yeah, but DVD. Yeah, we went to see that in the movies You know, I hit a fucking acid or met the net that who juice or whatever the fuck we did We went in there and I remember leaving that going there's something to that Pink Floyd and

But I had dark side of the moon I had dark side of the moon in the eighth grade because I liked the song money and I told Lee I used to have the McDonald's all American basketball Poster on my wall had a picture dr. Jay about the slam Had another picture Led Zeppelin. That was a backwards picture. It was taken so everybody was opposite So Jimmy Page was really a righty in the picture. He was a lefty. It was right. It was the weirdest picture It was a very rare I had done on my wall and this kid Vinnie Lynch God rest his soul took me and I took a hit of fucking blot acid. I was maybe freshman year

Jesus, I took a hit of blot acid. We're like five or six beers I got fucked up and I went home and I laid down and I had the eight track to dark side of the moon I had one of those portable eight track players and I put ducks so the thing was in my ear. Yeah, and that on the run Do the piano's and shit, and that's the first time I really started tripping the posters Oh, I mean that thing you could play that for somebody who's stone sober. You got good speakers I mean, I don't like he get he used to when he would get me really high on on edibles and then bong hits He'd put that stuff on and it's like I understand that you say it's like made the trip It's terrifying. It's like it gets your heart rate going like it's not it doesn't even really sound like music to me

Fuck you up the more planes like Okay, oh my god, that one's even worse. That's the wall. The wall is a psychological If you listen to those things sober though, yeah, I've listened to it sober I I mean it's interesting, but I just start that I start thinking about when I'm high and it gets me it gets We all riled up. Yeah, that's too many edibles. That's just the edibles You're having flashbacks. Yeah, I love as a young kid getting that fucking eye Yeah, I'm putting that on to test my wits. Well, that's how that was my world That's how it started with me in high school when I started getting stoned and with me on my buddies

I mean that was it it was on like Donkey Kong and then you know pink Floyd was really the first start I ever appreciated pink Floyd sort of got me into Tarantino which got me into you know respecting art You know it was Floyd in Tarantino. That was it when I was in high school I remember our senior year We had like our rivalry week or whatever where you know You hang out with the buddies and all this and each night Everybody crashes at everybody else's house like each okay So Wednesday's Tony's night and I put together this whole thing where me and the buddies

Watched I was super troopers and then I showed them pink Floyd matched up with Wizard of Oz now back then You know you had to literally have the frickin VHS or whatever of Wizard of Oz and you had to have a separate CD player to play the two things and you had to match them up Yourself, it's not like you can go on YouTube. You just type in Wiz and the rest pops up now and you could watch it matched up But that stuff matches up and it's one of the great anomalies one of the great mysteries to me up there with DB Cooper and everything is How the hell does that stuff match up? It matches up lyrically it matches up video wise you've done that, right? I saw it when they that shit first came out and I was blown away. It's ridiculous. It's not something that

It's fucking crazy. Yeah Because like either they made that album knowing what they were doing and sort of like oh We need this to match up with Wizard of Oz like why would they do that? But lyrically time wise all these things for 52 minutes, you know It ends with her putting her head to the tin man's heart and it ends with that heartbeat You know all this stuff and it's what what the best-selling album of all time next to the Eagles greatest hits or whatever And then it's dark side of the moon which says a lot because you know, they've always painted pink Floyd They being like, you know, whatever media and people as this just psychedelic band

But you ask any musician who their favorite bass player, you know, whatever whatever as they tell you Roger waters pink Floyd You know, and that's the thing I think with Sid Sid got a bad reputation I think because he didn't want to play anything mainstream and those guys are like wanted to make money and have hits They're like we could have hits. Yeah, this guy's throwing forks against the wall Ham with a hammer and yelling. It was tough to listen to When it's really weird when I speak to people who are High up in music, which is not a lot and they said I mean, who's your favorite guitarist like I love Jimmy Page Okay, I love I think Jimmy Page is brilliant. The soaring man is the same proves it

I love Pat Betta's guitar player. I love Randy Rose But the guy that splits my heart in half with his guitar. There's been two guys And that's David Gilmore and Eric Clapton. Yep. We're on that same fucking school or guitar playing. Yep. I I could lie to you and tell you all this shit. My first experience of Pink Floyd was dark side of moon and Then I was lost in this Sabbath Stones who world and whatever And I started hanging out with this dude and he had a shed and he put it on fucking animals. Okay now If you're high and you're not ready for animals It will take you fucking down. Yeah, and I was groomed on animals to the point that if my daughter's around I

Put dogs on. Yeah, if she's playing like she plays jungle in my office We played jungle together I'll fucking put dogs. Yeah, and when she hears the dogs barking she reacts to me and she asked me what that is I tell her there's three types of people in the world dogs pigs and fucking sheep You got a pig one you could be a pig and end up like Harvey Weinstein He could be a fucking dog and he just breaks it down to you Lyrically in the beginning you got to be crazy. You got to have a real need You got to sleep on your toes when you're off the street

You got to be able to pick out the easy meat with your eyes closed That tells you the story of life right there if you're going to go out into the jungle That better be your fucking Monica before you leave the house. That's it. It's not a fucking day. He painted it out for you You know, uh, I don't even know what the second verse is But I know it's like fucking all you end up with cancer and you're fucking listening to You're on a hit of acid Your mind is fucking somewhere else and this guy's telling you that if you don't attack You know, you're gonna end up with fucking dying an old man of cancer in florida and shit

And you're listening to this and all of a sudden it takes this fucking guitar This gilmore comes in you hear these dogs barking and in those days you got monotone speakers So the speakers the barking will come out of two speakers at two different times It would blow your fucking brains off. So you got the lyrics, right? You got the guitar the guitar creator the guy who's writing it is the bass player who and basically their rivalry Roger waters and david gilmore never got along they couldn't stand each other But that's what fed the band they were competing with each other

Oh, you think the bass line to money is gonna be what steals the show wait till you see what I go cook up in the room I'm gonna go write the guitar solo you son of a bitch, right? So this competition this healthy competition Made it so that they're literally trying to steal the show he writes comfortably numb Gilmore is like well, I'll go write the guitar solo then they did those things separately like sort of sort of together But really separately Gilmore would go off and do whatever and figure that out. So you got the lyrics you got the guitar you got the bass drums Whatever sure they got a drummer. I have the written by the bass player But another crazy fun fact is they were the first band to ever

Apply colors or decorate a stage. It used to just be a black curtain. That was it. It wasn't there wasn't no Inflatables lasers colors. There was no screens. They weren't no band was showing anything behind them That wasn't a thing. It was listen to the music watch us play So you when you factor in everything and then to this day And not only back in the late 70s and 80s where they spending more money than everybody else to put on a big production But to this day, I got to go see uh roger waters at the staples center this most recent time with my friend tall Wilkenfeld amazing bass player one of the best in the world And she loves comedy her and I made friends and she's in deep with everyone in music

Everyone looks up to her it turns out at the end of the show roger waters We were in the green room with everybody that's in the band and everything but roger is not not there He has his own separate green room with like chocolate fountains and everything like stuff You just dream like stuff you hear and imagine made up stories and uh But the point is is we were so in that she ended up running into the guy You know in the middle of the big staples center that like runs everything And because like he's like hey tall and she's like hey

And I listened to them and he was telling her like you see that up there. That's a that's an extra whatever it was 15 million in Speakers that they brought in that they just have hanging from the top of the staples center like extra extra super crazy sound That even you know, she didn't know about it was like inside information basically like they still to this day are pushing it To blow people's minds away to shreds. Well, that was the problem why they didn't tour the wall They did the six dates or in philly or in new york and they did the other six dates and fucking Because the production was too expensive They weren't don't I paid $15 for those tickets. That's crazy. You know, I think the top ticket was $28 maybe 25 So they broke even on those shows, you know, I read somewhere where they basically broke even they couldn't tour that

it was First off if you watch Everything made there was a couple bands between I say 69 to 80 Before cocaine took over this great country of ours Everything was pretty much every band if you watch the videos and all that shit even wood stuff

It's made because they assume that you're tripping If you watch the song remains the same There's colors in there. There's there's sketches of him climbing up the wall Touching alexa Crowley and then the guitars and the fucking lights. They made shit to fuck with you When you listen to pink flooring and you're on acid Is where you see the brilliance You hear that heartbeat throughout their songs it matches up with your heartbeat All their music has a heartbeat to it a rhythm and it matches up with your rhythm

And deep into the trip you'll realize you're breathing. It's fucking crazy it's and I see what you're talking about even with the Wizard of Oz because Way before the Wizard of Oz like when my mom died They came my mom died november 8 the wall came out a couple weeks after that and one of the best songs in the wall is mother It's a great fucking song unbelievable and and here I am at parties the album would play and I'd have to listen to this fucking song And it was like Jesus christ did you know it was a beautiful jam I mean it hit I think it hits everybody at a thousand miles. Oh my god. It just throws your fucking feet off, you know But by that time by the time I went to see the wall

I was already convinced that david gilmore was up there but what I I'm fucking 56 years old. I went to see this concert when I was 17. Okay What do I remember from this night? I remember the lead up Tony hanscliffe the lead up was one of the best things ever Because the wall came out Tickets went on sale and the countdown began and in those days it was like lead

I know what we've been doing lately But we're gonna kick it up for this concert Somebody's gonna die Like we were 17 and we had already decided Jesus somebody's gonna die The wall was an event in my hometown like 80 people from that in the group that we hung out with All went made the trek to fucking the nasol coliseum. It was five fucking nights So all of us went, you know to one of the particular nights But that that album came out. Maybe november 20th or something like that

That's all you heard. There was no springsteen. There was no lead zeppelin. There was no michael jackson The city was infested with the wall. Everybody's house you walked into had was blown away People were blown the fuck away As big as they were with drilla I'm telling you the christmas you were going to people's house. Nobody even had christmas music on Everybody was blown away by the fucking wall and once new years hit it was just 40 days i never forget like we were like now We're going into deep deep territory acid every night

Fucking formaldehyde fucking crystal thc It was four or five nights a week getting ready for this fucking show How long how long did it take for the album to hit if it came out the 11th? Was it like a week two really how long that day everybody was anticipating it See he fucking did an interview where he said something about You know, I like playing but I hate the fucking people. That's how arrogant Waters is he goes. I wish we could play with a wall in between us He made that statement like a 19 fucking 75

And The name of the album is the wall. It's about him growing up in eastern germany during fucking hitler or something like that And it's a fucking how do you how do you classify joey? Is it an opera? Is it an album? It's a fucking work of art. Yeah, it's an it's an everything and you have to see the lean up to it Like they just didn't fucking take four years off and get a house in jamaica and buy a pound of coke They if you look at their hits, it was 75 76 78 79 and it was

Five fuck four fucking albums that will remain the greatest albums of all time by now I mean stevie wanted to put out three albums any release songs to the key of life, which is fucking brilliant I can name a couple artists, but it'll never happen again. You know, I don't want to sound like that. Oh guy that's putting Shit down, but it'll never happen again. Look at the release dates for their crazy thing wish you were here came out, right? That's and that's that might be the most recognizable song, but it's the worst song on the album You got you kicks it off a shine on you crazy diamonds There's only five songs on the album shine on you crazy diamonds, which is ridiculous for 14 minutes, right? and then what and then wish you were here and then have a cigar which is

The jam right and then welcome to the machine And then they close it out with an even jazzed up steroid version of shine on you crazy diamonds Two of the songs are the same song, but one's different You know just pumped up and different and again the lyrics and all these things are ridiculous I mean just unbelievable. What's the release date? So the dark side of the moon came out in 73 Then wish you were here was 75 Animals was 77 the wall was 79 And what was the album before dark side metal dark side of the moon? Yeah before dark side of the moon

What was the out obscured by clouds? metal metal And then Adam of a mother Adam Adam part of Adam our mother. Yeah Or a good one come out 69. That's not a bad one. I don't mind that one. I like metal Metal has what on it Metal has that one fucking jam the one that they did live in Pompeii Be careful with that axe Eugene might be

I think It's around there. You got to check out, uh, David Gilmore live in Gdansk He does a version of that shine on you crazy diamonds where it's just almost all just him singing Oh my god, that guy's voice these guys took care of themselves side one is one of these days A pillow of winds fearless Santrope Shameless and then the side two only has echoes echoes echoes the whole album is echoes

When they do echoes in that Pompeii stadium And he starts going crazy on that fucking guitar If you don't feel that for people who you know, just just buy animals just buy animals Listen to the words listen to the lyrics his good. I don't even know His guitar like I can't even to me my favorite album musically of his Gilmore is animals Yeah, I think his guitar solo in the beginning of dogs at the end of dogs I think uh Sheep the work on sheep pigs the guitar is fucking brilliant. There's only five songs on on that

Yeah, that's what they did. They just did their own fucking thing. There was five on animals five on which you were here But the songs were nine minutes, you know at that time they they knew yeah 17 minutes So the first side is pigs and it's a minute and a half and then they have a 17 minute song dogs Then pigs the first part on side two is 11 and a half Sheep is 10 and a half And that's it and there's another minute and a half to close it really and you know

you when he uh So they come out for the wall And you know that they got the midgets and the whole thing building the fucking wall there you are tripping on acid And there's midgets and there's a plane And there's all this shit But if I had to define the moment that blew me away like that moment that you like I'll never forget this Was when he came up on the top of the wall and the guitar solo to comfortably numb That was and you know what it's live on youtube the night I went the first night opening night

Is on youtube. Well, they tape somebody take those shows and put them on youtube Wow, so you can watch all of them. It's fuzzy. It's shitty quality But I didn't know you were pink Floyd Huge man. I mean they they you know, I was so depressed after high school I had my you know, I had a little case of the broken heart You know all that missed my high school sweetheart. We had broken up and I was just sad and out of it Pink Floyd kept me going. It was the only thing at one point that I really had that I loved It was just this love for their music. I annoyed all of my friends all of my family

Annoyed the hell out of them for years through high school And after that when I moved out here to california for the first time living with my brother and he had a couple roommates and they had this Speaker system in the living room area. It's like this four bedroom house or whatever and man I would blast that she was the first one up. I didn't care that I was waking them up It was a beautiful california day and floyd's jamming and that's the it set the tone for every day when I got out here And it's just it's it's just perfect music to me. There's pink floyd and then there's everybody else Between us. I've gotten into some arguments with people because I'll argue I'll get into an argument with somebody if they want to get crazy with the Beatles and all that I'll I'll argue it man

I will go nuts. I've said it a thousand times My neighborhood there was a lot of motherfuckers said and spik and all this shit and there was never an argument If you wanted to get into an argument in my hometown start talking shit about music It was a fucking argument there In fact yesterday on twitter Somebody one of the tobascos The last name was tobasco. There was five of them One of the tobascos said hey, uh, i'm friends with uh tobascos. They send their love like I just talked to guy the other day

They were they were where I lived when I was 16 17 18. They were the neighbors to the runnies and the one brother thought he was Uh eddie van halen You know, but he didn't play the guitar. He just had the long hair and father cut that fucking hair You know, it was one of those italian families and they had five boys But we would sit there and argue for hours like he would go in his house irritated because He'd start with you know

Fuck ozzy oz born and we're like fuck david lee roth Ozzy could eat him alive. Yeah, eddie van halen could eat up. Tony. I owe me and then we'd start with Fuck eddie van halen. How about david gilmore and then he'd start squawking in the water He'd start pedaling back with now now now wait a second now You know, uh, and I didn't say he was the best guitarist. I'm saying eddie van halen Revolutionized the guitar you fuck that and then fucking randy road revolutionized it again We just argue for hours. Fuck you. You don't know what you're talking about And then we throw van halen too with the poster of david lee roth handcuffed and he'd go in the house pissed off

Because that always lost. Yeah, you lost me with that. You know, we've had discussions here You know people know what america's like before john linen got shot Every white dude had an ace white privileged people in those days. Yeah or had an ace in the hole You know, like it was it was like, you know, oh my god. I just listened to leds up on the story means the same. It's brilliant Yeah, go ahead and have a good time with leds up with which of the Beatles get back together Like that was every that was white, you know instead of people, you know Today they send their stupid kids to school and that's white privilege. Right. That was white privilege back then Everybody was shutting me and my friends down like

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah boost break and that would piss you guys off. You're like fuck the beat Fuck the Beatles and the first when john linen got shot That's it. Those motherfuckers went away because the Beatles weren't getting back together now So now those motherfuckers stop coming out because they were about to take a beat. How the Beatles doing now, bitch How do like the Beatles now, bitch? Bring them like a pink Floyd album. It's time for you to switch governments. Yeah I'll never forget. There was a mural of the Beatles in the hallway

By the way, about a month ago, north bergen high school put on a performance of aliens Yeah, did you see how much fucking my high school got attracted for that when I was growing up with those people were disgusting The fucking the stage hands. He used to still weed us He would get weed sent to him from hawaii. His name was mr. Pullman And he wouldn't even remember he'll be there fucking no, he was he lives in florida. He's like a fucking retired jerk off He was another guy. I thought he was fucking badass. We used to torture him too. Then we stole his shit for one time That was the end of that Robbed him for everything one time. Wow. I found that where he would put that weed

He was getting he was one of those guys that would do this shit Like we were in high school and he had this little pack of fucking Little fucking nerds that would do that hawaii thing And then one day he started talking about he had the best weed in town and it really was it was a hawaii week And they put it on the stick with a With a string and they mail it and there was just a little stick like that. He wanted 35 bucks I was a lot of money in 1980 But he'd hide it in a

In a bag and like a doctor's bag with all his paperwork and books. How did he find that out because I watched him from behind the curtain You know me dog. I'm a boy here So it was me another guy that was thinking about robbing him But the other guy got close to the suitcase and he had those three Digit confirmations. You got to put your number in there. It was one of those old school ones like a combination lot And I'm Mike dog. We're going back old school. We're taking the whole thing. Yeah, we'll figure out late We'll blow it up until the paperwork away And that's exactly what we did. Wow

Did you saw more year the guy pissed me off like in those days when you did piss me off I just give you some time. I'd sit in the bush and then rob you when you least expect Don't eat school goes out of town. I'm stealing those loud punk speakers. He keeps talking about you know those guys I got new speakers. Wait till you come over. Okay. Yeah, wait till I come over. I'm taking them to go You come up to me. I'm going down the show for the weekend. There we go You got blonde punk score you cousin and queens We got some new speakers from because one of your chances of ever meeting least cousin queens least we already got the speaker sold I would wait till Tony left down this show when he come back my house got robbed. Where's cocoa?

Like I probably still didn't matter about that briefcase, you know, oh my god, I don't give a fuck We I took the briefcase. I don't even know how we got out of the building I don't even know how we got out of the building. Do you remember how you opened it? Oh, I slammed against the wall and I stabbed it open it up the fucking think I opened it I was stupid for a while. I thought you know, like when I was a safe cracker I wanted actually like we one of those guys that would sit there and like figure out You can't you need 20 years of experience and inside man has to teach you I met an irish guy. He's like, what are you stupid? Just take the safe to go

So I had always had a dolly Oh, we always got a dolly in those days You steal a dolly because you never know when you might get the call for the morning You got a dolly fucking ready to go. Hey having that dolly is an extra fucking 200 Yeah, but how do you hide the dolly? Like how do you do the dolly in your garage? Fuck it? But when you're walking down the street with a dolly, I just saw some guy delivering fucking boxes and then I stole his dolly What the fuck Tony in school, if you know this type of people you grow up with these

Absolutely in youngstown nothing, but you couldn't find a dolly everybody was everybody would just take them You couldn't find a dolly. I'm the one that I may at least steal those milk crates. Oh, yeah Yeah, I go steal the milk crates the milk crates the check from a restaurant If you're going to roll joints on in the 80s, we would steal those things when people give you a check at a chinese restaurant those trays The tray where everything's on right there. You see behind So one of the old days the chinese restaurant when people would give you those

If you went to somebody's house and they had one of those and they had rolling papers and weed on it You're like, oh my god. How cool are you? You robbed a chinese restaurant? That is cool. I've never even seen anybody do that Yeah, you gotta rob the tray. He hasn't rolled one joint on it. He rolls it on the table still but he He got me high and he made me steal it He's like, which one is in your pocket? Sure. Just put it in your pocket. Take it big You don't know what life is till you rob something. You walk out and you're like, I robbed something This is pretty easy. Why am I delivering newspapers? Chinese takeout. I can just rob this Bob pulmon dug he had like 20 of those to he had just gotten the delivery

You know, he was talking shit. He was in the hallway doing other shit and actually them shoot down to the principal's office dog and he had a bunch of little Faggy gardeners around them like little fucking And I I uh went in there and I just took the briefcase and I think I went out the back door That was like a stairway down that you could push out and I walked out there with that little briefcase Nobody fucking saw me. I think I put a winter jacket. I don't remember exactly what I did But I opened it up on the side streets

And it was like an alleyway I slammed it against the wall it wouldn't open that had a pocket knife. I stabbed it I opened it up. I took the weed out and there was a bunch of grades and shit papers and I just drew it a fucking garbage and two days later people were asking me Did you hit mr. Bowman got robbed somebody stole his weed? He couldn't say nothing because he was a school teacher So every time I'd see him I'd give one of these Everything all right cock sucker hang low whatever the high low whatever the fuck does hawaii'd say And he knew it was me. I tried to there was a couple teachers tony hinge clear

you know I am very uh Like I'll get you Like I'll get you don't worry about none. I'll get you. Just give me time. I'll get you There's a couple teachers from my high school that won't friend me on facebook But the most notable is camel breath mcgraph Mr. McGrath and me bro. We used to go circles. We used to get coke I used to get them booze and shit. What grade was this right when I grow up?

I was friends with mcgraph since sophomore since freshman year He used to smoke a camel with no filters. So we used to call him camel breath. His cigarette was orange His fingers were fucking orange on the inside He always smelled like heavy heavy camel cigarettes and he was the running back coach And we became friends, you know the years and then he became the driver red teacher So what I would do is I would go tony hinge clear sign up for 1045 driver at lee Sign up for 1045 as soon as you get that sign all three of us up So the first one at school sign us up and we would all get in the car with mcgraph

I'm a little by little we would just work psychologically understand like You know for the first month it was s3 and he go you guys are all right And then what you do is the classes were 42 minutes So you got behind the wheel for 12 minutes three people and then he had a steering wheel behind His thing catalac made the car specifically for our high school two cars not specifically for our driver's head for drivers It's a little by little We we used to make him go on tony avenue and we told him mcgraph You know he would pull into a driveway

But he would pull into chans dragon and the chinese restaurant i always talk about and started from crap You might we go inside and get a little steak on the stick you guys are gonna get me in fucking trouble I'm not supposed to stop we just started with that We got him to stop and get past spare ribs We got on then in time we're like mr. mcgraph you mind if we stop and get a six pack He would just look at us it's 10 in the morning guys two beers a piece Ain't nobody gonna get hurt here. We'll give you one. That's beer and a half each You're in for a beer then we started buying six packs eight packs

And then we just started and then I started Like I started leaving blow for him in places Like that he was in those days i had an aunt it's a ride I told my story about comedy central and i would call up and say it's a ride I'm having a hard time, but I could sell some coke. I'm gonna come over and she'd give me like two grams of coke And I'd give him a gram I'd leave it on the steering wheel or whatever and he would like make believe you never got it So we were friends like that lightly and then I robbed the high school

Me tommy ruso and this dude dav rago Robbed the high school. I quit high school. Would you would you steal from it jersey? But we went really what we stole was a three triple beam scales from the chemistry department Because they're big they're 40 a piece It was 69 dollars brand new at east west. Were you kidding me? I'll bring them to the house. I'll deliver it for 30 20 i'll take 25 if you got it, but we had they had 50 scales every every That's got a scale where kids would measure fucking chemicals and shit We would take them three three people were taking one at a time at a sports bag

One sunday night I go listen they got like 50 left. We better get them by the going is out We went in there. We took every fucking scale We walked home with three scales by the time we sold them the balancing was off because we had to carry them So people had to put the equilibrium back on them and shit like that and two days later McGrath came to my house. You got to give after stuff back So we gave back to the football jerseys and the helmets and Pants and shit. I don't even know what we're gonna do. I was gonna say who's gonna buy or use jerseys We were just retarded dog. Oh my god, and then me and him became tight and then

The day we were supposed I was supposed to graduate Like a week later. We were in summer school And one of all the teacher friends One of my friends was in the jam and we went to his house a set in the morning We're like, listen, we were fucked up. We robbed the coke dealer We were doing coke since friday and my buddy couldn't go to summer school So we got him to come out and we gave him a rock of coke So somebody had to be responsible for that money. So I called camel breath and said hey

I gave your partner two grams or whatever. He never paid us So McGrath paid me and he goes by the way that shit you gave me that wasn't cocaine Let me show you what cocaine is He started taking out coke and he goes, you know what I do besides teach I deliver coke at night to People who don't want spanish people at the house Wow Nobody wants a fucking mexican coming to the house when you guys, you know what I'm saying so to make them look obvious So he was the type of guy that put his suit on and came over to your house. They paid him a lecture

And I remember right up two weeks after high school ended one night. He took me to a party And he I told this story he gave me a pill And he goes only half of it. It was a paris blue at the time of paris blue was Paris's answer to the quailude the american quailude. Okay. So it was like a little thinner tab Crazy shit. So I don't know. I think I said something about him on the rogan podcast Now he won't friend me and shit Hey, I'm a pollute. I owed money and then I owed his partner money He he had a great cavalier

A Chevy cavalier. Yeah, so one day I want to put a bed in I was putting bets him with him The reason I robbed the jewelry store when I got out of high school was because I put a bed in with him And I couldn't let him down. We lost like $8,000 On a monday night with the fucking stealers Against the cowboys and 80 fucking one you put $8,000. Well between parlays and straight bets. I was retarded What did you expect me and my buddies? I couldn't let mr. McGrath down. He was my it's like me putting a bed in with you So I had to rob the jewelry store and I told him I said, I'm gonna rob the jewelry store

If I go to jail, you gotta bail me out. But if I get out, I'll give you and I gave him a nice gold chain and Oh my god, this is some crazy shit We used to do amazing statute of limitations We robbed the gas station And what they had with those books that you fucking go over the tunnel with Lincoln tunnel That's when it was four dollars for the toll now. It's 16 Jesus four dollars for the toll. But if you bought a book, you got them for 375 Right, so I bro. We went in that safe and they had thousands of those books

I was just giving them away like calling cards, but I would sell them to him for coke I'll give you four for a gram and he would sell your coke in the bottle already Damn if the gram were coming a little bottle, you had to do his open Put it on your fucking finger. Think of the old days. Wow High school has changed high school has changed a lot my friends Tony Hinchcliffe glad to have you back on. Yeah, of course when I had John the first time I didn't really know What was going on? I just met you. I had just gotten back to the store, but The other day I was sitting there and uh in my stoned

Self one night and you you came into my mind. I thought about The audience that I saw when you went to Manchester for Kill Tony and I was like fucking Tony Hinchcliffe has come a long fucking way, you know You changed a lot. You've built this up. You've built this podcast up to it's a fucking It's a tv show in the making really I mean sometimes you stream on monday nights. We do the podcast early and I'll watch a couple minutes of it and it's like a fucking pan like I don't think television can handle that anymore

No, they can't and that's why our you know So many people are falling in love because they don't you know You don't have these commercial breaks that break up the energy of everything and You know, we read a couple ads at the beginning and then it we're in for an hour and a half plus I mean, it's just you know, it's the show that I always wanted to exist back when I was starting at the comedy store I wanted to you know, everybody wants a not necessarily a shortcut But just a way to get respect from your peers, you know I mean get up there and it's only a minute of stand-up and then you just roll with the punches during the interview part, you know

And uh, you find out about real people and you get to meet the people and the difference between what they do is a stand-up comedian Compared to who they really are, you know, and I mean like you're a veteran. So obviously you're the same During the interview part than you are with the stand-up But sometimes you'll see the switch in these people and you'll find out that the character that they thought was funny Isn't as funny as their real selves and their real things and I ask them questions and they don't realize it sometimes but They're kicking out better material during the interview part than they are during their stand-up part and it's just

You know, it's a super comedy show man We're watching comedians do comedy with comedians and I got the band being hilarious Jeremiah Watkins Jeremiah Watkins is a one-man fucking machine. He really is I gotta take my hat off to him. Yeah That guy cracks me up all those young guys. He cracks me up like how Jim Carrey used to crack me up when I was a kid and how You know, I mean just something that you love. It's crazy I always say it's one of my favorite things in all of comedy and it just so happens to be on my show Is this band with Jeremiah and Joel Berg?

You know the drummer back there throwing out these one-liners just out of nowhere getting the crowd going crazy and It's just a perfect storm of stand-up and improv and fun Do you know what your show reminded me of? I hope you don't get offended The gong show when I was a kid. Oh, yeah, I've gotten that comparison Yeah Jean Jean the dancing machine nothing Made me happier as a kid

Then watching Jean Jean the dancing machine. I would cry right now I would cry like if Jean Jean when Jean Jean died from diabetes the black dude It broke my heart Jean Jean the dancing machine was a fat black dude All right, and barris would be out there hosting all side of nowhere. He'd go Yeah He goes it's time for Jean Jean the dancing machine and Jean Jean the dancing machine He weighed like 300 pounds black dude right out of the ghetto Been cooking pork chops all his life, but he don't give a fuck then letting him loose

He's got a minute of fame and him and down barris. He's And Jean Jean would be fucking dancing and then they'd have to cut like They would tell whatever his name was the host barris, whatever. I don't know. I'm not saying it right like listen We're gonna cut he wouldn't give a fuck He'd just keep playing the music and you see mbc trying to hold on like we can't we got to throw sponsoring But this is so good They would have the whole audience in a fucking if you ever get a chance Look up Jean Jean the dancing machine on the gong show you will fucking die

Just just they would go off TV would go off. So that's what that's why I was thinking about you there. I'm like, it's time After I saw that audience in manchester. Yeah, I go it's time for this to go somewhere. This needs a fucking home Yeah, well, I mean, but they can't touch it right see that's the problem when you get some college kids coming and go Well, right now it's 17 percent this 17 to 32 year olds So you got to put a oasis on here or whatever the fuck it is. That's when you ruin the show If they let you just do it like just listen come in We don't care if you like this place on fire every week. That's what we want. Television needs to be lit on fire again

I'm not being disrespectful Late night is horrible. Oh, it's unbelievable. It's unbearable at late night television and guys I've tried I know you're critical of me for saying It is horrible. I love the one guy, you know, because I knew him when he was playing the guitar and at the improv him and his manager were nice people are Jimmy Fallon Fallon. Yeah I can watch it if it's a good guest If it's Whitney, you know something like that

But it's not like I don't know who I for years. I've been sitting there going Who the fuck watches late 19? Right? Who would stay up to watch Jimmy Kim? That's a sleeping pill I mean, it used to be. I'd rather take a fucking xanax. Yeah, it's crazy. And the english got all of them Yeah, I'm gonna take a fucking xanax. Yeah, it's unreal, you know, Kimmel had us in the beginning like uh, I don't know 13 14 15 years ago You know, he hit ohio hard because we're like what the man show guy got uh Wow, this is cool. This is like a corporate chance. He was like the underdog And now you see how he just phones it in sheds those tears You know those, you know gets emotional on purpose. He's one of those guys that can make himself cry

I've told people for years that I would love In in in part to go on the road once a month and do this show five days a week What scares me is the consistency You know late night tv is four fucking nights a week Four nights a week. I have to be funny to the american audience. That's very tough guys. Yeah Good luck

Good luck. I know you want to do it on your own, but good luck Four nights a week. You need some writers. You need two of your best friends to take a job And throw material at you and ideas. They got to be watching the internet You know, and then just it's it's tough to be Consistent so I do give them that Nobody could be funny four nights a week 52 fucking weeks a year It's impossible now that reshows. Let me go. Oh, they have writers these writers rooms are filled with people They have I think Kimmel has like 12 14 16 writers in different rooms

They don't even communicate You know what? I mean, they're all separate and they have to send in these files and jokes as the day goes on Like it's like you still got a lot of calls to write I will not need more because they all know i'm not doing it, you know, but you don't want to do it But back in the day. Yeah, I mean I I was very lucky You know I left a little bit of an imprint and got some really great jobs now. I don't do anything I just uh, I write for the comedy central roast once a year Even that job literally they know that I get burnt out and that i'm having too much fun

So they'll just have me come in the last two weeks clean everything up get a fresh set of eyes on everything and And if anybody gets added last minute, which always happens usually the most interesting people you're denis rodman's and your whatever is You know what I mean martha stewart I'll come in and really, you know, open up the playbook and write something in their voice That's fun, but that's only because I love to what you were saying earlier about uh about taking a break You know here and there like that's sort of my way of taking a break It's taken the the roast writing job a couple weeks out of the year Usually during the summertime and it lands perfectly you show up at 11 and you're out at seven and you go do spots

But I get to think in somebody else's mind instead of my own what would be good for my stand-up I'm thinking what would how would martha stewart say this and how can I utilize her voice? It's like i'm still being i'm still writing jokes. I'm still thinking funny business, but From a different perspective so that when I come back to tony hingecliffe two weeks later Even though i'm going up at night anyway, but when i'm really starting to write again for whatever I want to do It's like, you know refreshing because i'm i'm back to me. Do you believe I mean Listen I started july 18th in 1991 for the first six months

I fucked around Then I won this contest and I became a host at a place once a week I got to meet stand-up and a bunch of other people I got fired after a year and a half. It was time for me to go, you know that that was long enough to have fired from the broker I pushed one of the managers again books fell down and shit He didn't really the original manager that hide me at the left man hide another guy didn't want comedy He wanted something else on tuesday nights But after I left the broker

I went to new york for a while And in new york I learned the ins and outs after nine months and I learned what it took to take me to the open mic level To be an open mic or in that Farm team, you know the open mic thing And after that I fucking hit it like october of 83 to

I went along and sure I came out. I didn't stop doing spots every night Like I slowed down a little when I came here, but not really because I had to watch more tv because I was going on auditions So I would tape like nypd blue and then come home at night and watch but I didn't know what television was You know, so but now After 20-something years that you know when you first start comedy you're a single guy You could give your life to it. You know I'm saying in your case We have a wife and she wants to spend time with you and stuff You could be away three weeks a month right now, Tony. You're at that age. You have the energy

You know come home sunday, you know go out wednesday. Whatever add your comedy show But as time progresses you pick up a family member And now it's a little rougher. You know I'm saying you don't want your wife up your ass. You see what happened. I mean You have two choices in this and then we all love comedy. I love doing comedy But I love my family. I love that today before I came here My wife made chicken cutlets and mashed potatoes and my daughter prayed and now they're at a fucking At a fucking play date, you know, I'm here with you guys, you know, I have a schedule I could only go out two weeks a month and that covers my spread as far as

Me giving you the best comic I could be if I go out three weeks in a row That third week Is gonna be cacus I'm not gonna be me. I'm one out the flights. I'm 50 fucking six, you know You could just do enough cryo therapies and this and acupuncture. You're still tired today I woke up at fucking seven with the girls and they went somewhere and I fucking took a nap till 12 I totally that's rare for me, but I also took fucking two fucking flights I went to Buffalo last week came back and then went into the city. So

You have to take a break to learn to Appreciate other things. There's some comics who will go out For three months straight and then stay in for nine months Make a bunch of money for three months straight work like an animal And then stay home for nine months. I don't want to do that. No, I want to be in the game every month I got a schedule. You have a schedule. I mean you call in for Monday through Sunday, you know, you don't Yeah, unless I'm on the road on the weekend. Yeah, you call in for month coast to coast

I used to call missy sure didn't like with cherry pickers. Yeah, I learned early. She didn't like cherry pickers, you know I'll work Thursday and Friday and Saturday Yeah, she wants you in there on Tuesday, uh gacking it up. That's what she'd look at. Oh, who called in for Monday this week Yeah, so I would just call in coast to coast. I'm a big believer in that I think that if you give it if you give them the choice that you'll get You'll get more if you feel like you put in for you put in for Tuesday and Wednesday You're more likely to get Friday and Saturday, you know, and I mean if you're putting in And the old day she would fuck with you. Yeah, you would fuck with you. You called in and asked for a specialty

I'm still convinced she's running everything like I think that building and the way that it communicates I'm one of those weird guys that really believes in the power of the comedy store Like I think the place is so magical that I think that whatever You know, however it works whoever is whoever look appears to be running it. It's still just uh, I still think she's so powerful that She left that imprint there. Listen, there's places that you go to As a comedian performer, whatever the fuck you want to call yourself That you could feel energy there something happened in that room Something happened in that room. I watched the the leather skin of documentary when they go back to that studio and the guy feels the wall

The comedy store Something happened there people have developed there people have become stars out of there There's a weird energy there the energy of growth I have that energy back now because I stopped going to all the other places I love you joe. I love everybody, but I'm not going to all the places I'm in the marines. Yeah, and marines hang out with other fucking marines Okay, the marines don't go hang out with the fucking coast guard. Yeah at the laugh factory or they don't go hang out with the fucking You know

The cops cub scouts at the improv the marines hang out with fucking marines. I'm not putting any other club down I'm just telling you what I see and how I see it I I look forward to following run white. Yeah, I look forward to following joe rogan When I'm in a show that's not high level. I tend to change so I always want to keep the stakes high And that's what the comedy store does for me. That's why I'm having better shows on the road Since I've dedicated myself to the comedy store again My comedy's improved 150 because the confidence is there. Yeah, you just follow christa lia fucko Yep, you died, but you got a lesson. You got your head handed to you

Go home and figure I know how not to get your head handed to you by christa lia and it happens You follow christa lia. It's a it's a death trap. Yeah, alley wong might go off. You know I'm back to that. I was going to other clubs that were less superior lineups So I would drop my energy. I would drop my guard. I wouldn't take the set seriously I want my heart to beat Right I wanted to be sitting there when that blue light goes on and tony hinch cool designer. He's about to bring me up I got to lose a breath of fresh air. It's like somebody punched me in the fucking side

I have to recover my breath again as I'm getting up and you're saying shit about me coming to the stage My uncle joey opened up for me in the special My heart's about to blow out of the chest. That's it. My dick can't get hard Yeah at that point it fucking Who's the hottest chicken in the world right now? Put a pussy in my face. My dick's not supposed to get hard I'm ready for that stage. Yeah, and that's what I think the commie store I was watching that tyson documentary. You've seen that tyson documentary on netflix I'm more I was rewatching it for the second time yesterday

And he was talking about his What he was literally thinking when he was walking to the ring supreme confidence Nobody can touch me as I get closer to the ring. I'm getting more confident by the time i'm in the ring I'm an animal and nothing can stop me. I feel bad for my opponent I'm looking him directly in his eyes the second. He looks away. I know, you know, it's exactly the comedy When you hear that fucking jeff scott piano or you see the light go on for the guy in front of you and the fucking here We fucking go Like it's literally, you know, it's fucking the energy. It's almost impossible to contain

We all have our own little ways. We're all playing it cool You know, we're all playing it cool But man it is game time and the and the more you the more you want to fucking You know all the work that you've done the bigger Here's what's great about that place is the greater you are the more it pushes you back, right? So it's like all the sets you've ever done that you're putting that on your shoulders It might be these people's first time seeing you. You're right. They just saw bing bang boom bing boom, right? And then they've heard of this joey Diaz. They've heard of this tony hinge cliff

They're at the comedy store, but they've already seen great stuff at this point They're thinking they know what the hell is going on They're thinking it's not going to get better than that that guy's my favorite. I already decided And then boom you got to come in and shock the world You got to shock them back up to Thinking nope. I'm the one you're going to think of first tomorrow when you wake up You think about the night you had last night at the comedy store. I'm going to be first. Let those guys be second You know, you were going on the road and kill all weekend and go back to the store on Tuesday

Either bag of dicks and check yourself like what the fuck just happened Always fucking destroyed all weekend people might the people closest to me bust my balls My wife doesn't but my next door neighbor Some of my closer buddies they go tony. Why do you always put him for sunday? Because I'm always, you know, they're I'm always what'd you do today? Uh, bubba bubba. How about you? I flew in from bubba bubba every single sunday pretty much, right? I take off one or two a month weekends and uh And they go, why do you put in for these sundays? You just did, you know five hour long sets one on thursday to friday to saturday

Why are you doing 15? Because it's that's that's where it's built right there. It's built on sunday nights 15 minutes And you know what else I do Eight minutes on the monday nights. I put my name in that whole bucket thing that they pre They pre put everybody's names and then at 10 p.m. They start pulling names and they make a new lineup Unless i'm number 16 or farther back. I'm going up. I'm working the newest eight I'm taking the chances of the thing that I thought of in the car ride three days later that I said I was gonna try that I didn't try during the weekend. I'm trying it there Those mondays those little eight minute sets are priceless and the sundays same thing. That's where the real work's done

You can you to get it right? I told me today We had somebody in here the other day and she was talking about how I used to host on sundays That was my life. Yeah, I became a and I used to host in front of her I used to host the showcases. Wow I'm host the fucking showcases It's a big deal. It's it's uh Just to go up in front of her for her to give me direction Like she was in between sets. She would call me over

and whispered things in my uh, like I like that job Bring up this idiot and fucking blow off the stage before I don't want to pass them I don't need another fox in here. You know, she would say she like that You know, like I don't need another fucking mexican in here. Jesus christ All these mexicans are coming out. I wouldn't like everybody wants to be carlos You know, she would say things to me, but it wasn't that it was me performing in front of her took that fear away That's it. There's no more curtain. This is the worst you could bomb because she doubled as your mom And the talent coordinator, you know what I'm saying? She doubled

So she gave your mom's love, but she also fucking let you have it. That was a horrible job And then she poked my stomach and go And let the air out. That was a horrible job. So You know Every time you bombed in the store when she was around you drove home And you'd want to crash into the pole and found Like if you bombed in the main room and you were walking out and you saw her in a chair You just went right to your fucking car

And you wanted your fucking car to go with can you imagine? That was nice. You should try and you didn't know when she was coming in I was afraid she was gonna fire me. She wasn't really watching sets when I got there that much at all But I was afraid she was gonna fire me as a phone guy because Because I was a phone guy and if you missed a call, you know, I'm sticking my head out the second floor window every single day She'd call once every two hours Tony is timey there She would always be looking for the talent coordinator to make lineups or whatever or when when's he coming over

But I mean there were times in which I'd run say I had to go use the restroom or something You hear that and this is old school again It's like there wasn't portable phones at the comedy store. These guys didn't even have They didn't even have a computer in the room, right? They had nothing So it's like you had to get hear that phone and you had to run to get it So if you're smoking a joint if you went down the Down the back stairs and taking a hit of a joint you hear the phone you had to book it Hopefully get it by that fifth or sixth ring if it's her, you know, I was a telemarketer there

Really when they had telemarketers in 97. I worked for Ed's Mitchell me shamer And I was also a whole the runner. I took freddy solos job. So I doubled as the runner me bobo shack Would switch the job and then I would fucking host on sunday nights I was my income and I worked at door while I was hosting. Yeah same and 25 for the door and I would host and then I would Do my spot bring up eddie griffin and give it to Don barris and let him hold the rest same exact thing I was tommy gave it to me quick when I became a door guy there almost six seven eight months later

He had me hosting On a monday night back when they used to have it on sunday and monday So I'd host a monday and then two weeks later I'd host another monday and then all of a sudden i'm hosting a sunday So it became a regular thing and that's really where The kill tony Concept came from because those comedians were doing three minutes And the thing that I would do that other people wouldn't do was I'd make fun of them after they're set But the other thing I would do is if they had a joke that I had the answer to if that makes sense

If I had a note a good note that's short and sweet, you know Like I would I would say it into the thing Hey instead of saying curt cobain for that joke say squirt cobain, you know what I mean or whatever the they were talking You know just a weird example, but it's like I'd give them an actual note from up there Just a thought you know just say that maybe just a thought you don't have to take if you don't want to anyway Your next comedian, you know what I mean? So it was sort of like It became sort of like a roasty show that was sometimes educational and then I

Everybody was telling me to start a podcast, you know six seven years ago And I was thinking in my head like well, maybe what about live because I like an audience man You know the the podcast where it has a little crowd like legionist skanks do that They do it and they have like, you know 10 people that come to the bar and you can sort of get the laughs Like it's like I feed off of that the normal regular podcast Sometimes I get a little tightened up because I'm listening and I'm daydreaming You know, especially a guy like you where I could just sit here and I'm basically just a fan Listening, but if there's audience members and it's like hey, hey, hey, you know

So I built the thing live around it But yeah, it started because I was an emcee and kill Tony's basically just Instead of three minutes, it's one minute And I interview the people add a little bit of that Howard Stern old-school interview element I always loved his interviews way back was one of my big things And so I try to use my gut instincts to ask the questions and figure out what we can get out of these people and Yeah And now you announced a world tour. Yeah the fucking tour. Yep a couple weeks ago. Yep

We're going everywhere the red band is telling me you guys are going on a bunch of fucking places. It's chaos Uh, you know, we just got back from Europe But now we're doing all the cities that we haven't gotten to do yet that we wanted to do Vancouver, Seattle I mean everywhere, Chicago, New York City, Gramercy theater in June. I mean everywhere Madison, Minneapolis, Milwaukee Spokane, Seattle Portland all these places that have wanted to kill Tony. They're getting it. Where can they get the dates at? TonyHingeCliff.com or deathsquad.tv Uh, and uh, yeah, I'm doing a lot of stand-up comedy too. We're doing La Jolla

I'm doing the store there and you know everywhere TonyHingeCliff.com for tickets for those things I'm happy you made it on today. I've been watching you for the last couple years in your journey And it's been inspirational and talking to you. I didn't know about That you got killed Tony from doing that on the Monday night. That's brilliant. That's why I love you Well, that's why I'm happy you're in the game. Thank you and thanks for being one of the greats and inspiring me You're one of the fucking greats. I watch you and I fucking die, but uh, thank you very much for taking the time Thank you. I want to thank you crazy mother fuckers for listening to follow Tony HingeCliff on TonyHingeCliff.com All right, and that's fucking it. Lee, what's the story? You're all right. I'm great. I don't want to hear nothing

I love you cocksuckers. I want to thank Tony HingeCliff. I want to thank the Christ killer I want to thank all you people for listening. Don't forget this weekend Not this weekend, uh, may night april 19th I'm at the beautiful theater in minneapolis, which is sold out. Sorry about that Before 20 get ready to bring the reefer. I'll be a motherfucking Milwaukee. I got that Jeffrey Dahmer. Oh, gee I'm bringing up to that motherfucker 420 we added an extra show go for it. We're gonna have a good motherfucking time But before we go the church of what's happening now was brought to you by the tita inversion table

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