Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #675 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: April 15, 2019

Joey Diaz talks with Lee about the need to evolve in life and how he and the podcast have evolved recently. Joey also has an some exciting personal news.  This podcast is brought to you by: CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies go to CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.  ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church   Robinhood App - an investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks, ETF's, options and cryptos - all commission free. Go to church.robinhood.com to get a free stock like Apple, Ford or Sprint.    

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It's me you and the mayor of fucking Auschwitz the original the Christ killer himself Mother fucking Lisa. Yeah Your honor to you Kick it That's how we show up on Monday slinging dick and giving out fucking fortune cookies you understand me I See the same old faces Some new kids was like you ain't ever seen here we go

What's happened you bad motherfuckers It's a whole new week with a whole new set of rules and your control on the fucking ship this week Don't give up. You understand me. We had a fucked up week last week at the big I had a lot of shit going on when I got off that plane from fucking Pittsburgh. I had 22,000 fucking pains connecting flights 40 minute fucking rides to the airport my liver hurt I had a fucking temperature. I had stress from fucking I had to take a stress test and I'm scared of fucking needles when you saw me here Monday Cool and relax with Jennifer pry. I was shit and fucking pickles. Well, let me tell you about the week I had so

We'll go along as we fucking get to it But number one I had to take the stress test and every time I gotta get a needle I shit my fucking pants. I fucking hate needles But I want anyway because the doctor recommended I go the daughter the wife You know, what's legal to do poor little fucking kid? I mean, you know, so I gotta take care of myself So I'm doing okay. You're all right. Yeah, you got an option in the control your green shirt on Like you're in prison or some shit. What the fuck am I dealing with it? Anyway? So I go to this fucking stress test stress stress stress stress test

They send me in, you know, I get the needle in the fucking arm Guess what? I don't faint because it got puts me upside down like I got 20 fucking like the fucking table Anyway, Teter Teter. I love it He puts me upside down. I don't faint Then they take a bunch of pictures of my heart with my fucking arms up You ever take fucking you have to ever go for mirage pictures. You have to sit still That's when everything inches in my fucking body when I gotta sit still I get itches in places You never even fucking seen before crevices up my ass the sting zone my armpit my stink zone

I mean, I fucking had to sit there like a mummy 20 minutes to take you in the back poor little Filipino guy Just got here like three weeks ago. They put him to work right away before the dream bias He's in the back fucking speaking Mexican and the next thing you know another lady comes in and they got to do the second phase Which is shoot this fucking ink in your body Then they put you on a treadmill then they put you on the fucking back to the thing But it's only 12 minutes and you're out of that and I'll tell you what the last time I did it

Oh my god when they shot the ink in me It was like fucking doing heroin what I'm doing heroin your heart pumps You know you start seeing little fucking spots. I started sweating profusiously I got nausea this time the dude told me because just move your legs It's gonna shoot into you for four minutes Then for a minute. It's gonna do this I'll tell you at the three-minute fucking mark I could feel it in my throat like my throat was starting to pop up

But I kept kicking my fat little fucking legs and then I thought that we're gonna put me on the treadmill You know I'm saying we got up there for a few minutes, but nothing really happened I didn't get like the last time I couldn't see that a window, so I didn't get no anxiety I was in fucking shock and then I went back and did the 12 more minutes and pictures and I was out And it was like a fucking rock falling off my but when I was dead lady goes, listen, you're breathing weird Something's wrong with you. I don't know. So now I got more dilemmas now my head's racing Now for three nights. I haven't slept because of this fucking needle now I got to deal with and the doctor couldn't see me that day so I had to go back the next day and what I had was like a fucking

Light pneumonia like he fucking through some antibodies and me that were It's the shit you take ten days before you go to the jungle That's what he told me that that's how strong it is like a feeling. I tried to work out for two days It was rough here. Yeah, but you know what we got a pre-key pushing the good news is listen for the next three and a half weeks I got to go fucking between New York and here and Texas to shoot two different fucking movies So I'll be back and forth now when you listen to the podcast these all have been pre-tape this month They're gonna be pre-tape to the end of the month. I'm not gonna tell you who the fuck is gonna be I tell you who didn't get on last week was Alex Jones. Let's say my deepest apologies

We had done the second podcast that day and he was running late and Eddie was running late So, you know what we I was fucking I was seeing spots on Wednesday when I first started the antibiotics That you know, the first podcast is was long enough. I had to cancel my spots at the store Thursday night That's how bad I felt I had green shit coming out of my nose and mouth That I'd never seen before when we finished a podcast on Wednesday. I was driving home and I couldn't breathe I had a green fucking snot in my nose that was green like Lee's fucking shirt It was disgusting and I couldn't find a fucking napkin. I had a driver I couldn't even fling it off my fucking thing. It was so disgusting. Usually I eat those things like

Like it's a lot dirty, but a fucking nice little white party, but this time it was so disgusting I couldn't even fucking eat it. That's how much shit I had in me So, you know what man? I'm taking it easy. I start shooting this movie Tuesday Maybe a couple days and I come back then I'm off to Minneapolis this fucking weekend That's sold out then for motherfucking 20 We're in Milwaukee. There's two tickets. There's a couple tickets left for each show So see what you got left and put it together, but that's not the main thing. I want to talk to you guys about Lately I've been getting a lot of hits like what happened to

This and what happened to that listen guys, let me tell you what's going on with us You know what man? Since I was a kid, I've always liked to evolve There's always something you could do to better yourself always if you're honest with yourself There's always something you could do like there's always shit to cut back on or you know what man? I have been eating it you ever get on the scale and you're 22 pounds heavier And you got nothing and also you think about what you've been eating lately like fuck all those fucking shakes do add up I'm not fucking 18 no more. I can have two milkshakes a day from Carvel and

Dip the eye you can't do that shit all your life, you know So every couple months you have to look at what you got and Re-evaluate and see what's going on. Let me tell you something the last two years my house has changed the last year Basically the home has changed again It changed when I got the kid in then it changed again when she went to pre-k Then once you got the kindergarten it really fucking changed like you know every day at four o'clock my day ends But I would a fuck I'm doing unless I'm getting a fucking envelope my day ends because I got to go pick her up And then you got martial art classes you got swimming you got gymnastics

You know it never fucking ends when you have a kid people at home to listen to know That it never ends when you have a kid But it also carried over to the podcast like looks at men from time to time. I'm up at night late I can't sleep I have insomnia And I'll listen to an old podcast and yeah, I'll get a laugh out of the podcast But I'll see a lot of dull spots in there, you know, and I'm like, you know what man? I got to clean up our active, you know We've been doing this podcast for six seven years and we're very fortunate if you notice this people switch podcasts

18 times in seven years. I wanted to prove a point when I start this podcast with Lee that we don't quit You know I'm saying no matter rain snow shine This is what you do you you give them something when you tell them you're gonna give them something So Listen if I didn't give a fuck about this podcast I could just come down here and torture Lee and do edibles And you know what eventually you'll think it's cute and you'll move the fuck on well Guess what I'd move the fuck on too because nothing's going on

So I don't know for the last year. I just noticed Lee was having a hard time one night We're here doing buckets and this poor bastard coughed and I seen blood on his fucking hands At that point you got to start thinking about what the fuck are you doing with your life? This poor kid gets bronchitis every 90 days. He's not used to this shit. Listen. I'm showing up with weed here You guys think we're fucking with you like I go to certain weed stores because they give me this 31% 30% weed they know what I like the owners know I give them fucking love So they save me the best of what they could get even that they don't carry in the store The guy'll say give me an ounce of Joey and I just put that motherfucker away. That's what I do

We smoke some strong fucking weeds here and I've seen You know like I'm at home doing 20 of these bonk hits all fucking day six in the morning Five at two o'clock another six at night. I do two of them with Lee and I see where the poor kid is So I'm fucking killing myself to live right after I shot the Netflix special There was a lot of things I had to cut up but prior to a Netflix special I had already slowed down with the edibles because I had something going on my body I couldn't put my fucking finger on it Some type of something was just bothering me with humming my head from time to time

So I had to start Getting rid of stuff. I got rid of milk. I got rid of fucking eating cheese. I got rid of fucking You know, I just cut things down that you know whey protein I cut all the stuff down that I thought was Affecting me and you know what the edibles man. They're a lot of fun the Lord knows we ate 29,000 million Milligrams and four or five years that didn't stop in here

But if you want to evolve, you know what if I want to give you a better podcast And I want you guys to have a better experience. Yeah from time to time. We have the right guest We get high you know Sam, but if not, let's do the podcast fucking straight Let's try doing the podcast straight. I couldn't do the fucking What's the thing I was doing that the free thing that very morning joy the morning joint Also again Listen, I don't know if I told you guys one day. I went to pre-k to pick her up and like that day My wife pulled me over. She's like you can't get high and go in there no more

I guess you went in there no more. You smell like a pot forest Kids passed out after you left the fucking building or something. I don't know what the fuck so you know what man When it comes to us fucking around like a fuck around I got time to fuck around but when it comes to my daughter listen Men can't don't have a chance to make mistakes women and fucking kids do we don't have a chance to make mistakes So I couldn't go back to that school stone So I can't get I can't smoke 20 bong hits in the morning and drive with a fucking school and let those people see me like that Or go to kickboxing at 9 o'clock. I just couldn't do it no more. I could do a bong hit it to don't get me wrong I love my marijuana ain't nobody fucking quit in here the last three days. I haven't even smoked by

Just because I had this this chest in my cold and I do not want to travel With this chest in my cold this this cold in my chest This is how the downhill started for Ralphie Was with a pneumonia if nobody remembers about three four years ago They put him in the hospital for four weeks in Florida. You couldn't even visit the poor bastard because he was in a fucking hospital Because his lungs couldn't take it no more Ralphie would go from city to city And he was such a sweetheart of a guy that he would smoke with everybody And when you're when you're going to one city a month and coming back and smoking that's one thing

But when you're going to four fucking cities in a month and you're smoking four different types of viral flues with people Your events you're gonna get sick and he got sicker and sicker Then he got a fucking cold that would not leave him a cough that it was just horrible But he had for about six months and next thing, you know He goes on a fucking cruise ship or something and they got to take him off the cruise ship I feel bad for those guys that I carry him on those skinny fucking steps He put they had a fucking put metal on those steps They had to get him off on one of those beds and shit where they four guys got a hold each side like that

600-pound life. Yeah, like a stretcher. Oh my he told me was never so embarrassed in his life It's when you can't breathe it's terrible. It's terrible and I went through it Sunday night this week. I Came home. I'm not kidding you guys. I don't complain about being fucking sick my liver fucking hurt And there's nothing wrong with Pittsburgh Pittsburgh was phenomenal, but now I didn't have the best sets of my life I didn't have the sets I wanted and looking back. I was sick I just it was crazy how sick I was when I go to a town and I don't work out one time Like I was gonna go to stout in Pittsburgh. I couldn't do it I couldn't even fucking move the next day. I would eat breakfast and have to go right back to bed

I didn't bring theraflu with me. I didn't bring vitamin C with me I thought I had theraflu, but I must have fucking drank them the last time I was sick on the road a couple years ago Listen man, you know, I'm at a different age than you guys. I can't afford to get sick right now I can't have a six-month fucking layoff I like going out too much like I enjoy going out and doing comedy twice a month It's my release last night. I went out for the first time all fucking week I did 90 over the hill in Laurel Canyon You stay home every fucking night with your wife and your kid

Five or four o'clock in the afternoon on you'll lose your fucking mind now I know why guys fucking snap and it it's it's nothing about not loving them or not want to be around them It's that you have your your fucking moments You have to get out of the house to do what you do I went to the comedy store was like a grenade went off I want fucking bananas down there because I was like in jail all fucking week and I went home and it was a release and now Tomorrow I got to get the fuck out of here to start shooting on Tuesday This morning I got up with the girls and I went into my office and Mercy came in and she was pet

one of the cats and She next thing you know She cuddled over on my leg and I kept typing on the computer and I looked over to pick her up and she was crying And she doesn't know how long I'm gonna come back Well, I'm I think I'm coming back Easter fucking Sunday or a little before that No, I can't cuz I'll be in Minneapolis, but they said that maybe I come home on Wednesday So Wednesday I'll come back Chill for a few days go to Minneapolis right from here with Dean del Rizzi and then do 420 up and fucking Milwaukee

And then go back to New York on Easter Sunday, so it's either or I don't have what my schedule is But like I told you guys you're covered we shot pot We tape podcast so they extend all the way through May 4th Anyway, back to the evolution of fucking life and what you got to do every couple months so Couple weeks ago, you know, it had to be like seven weeks ago. I just saw Lee kept getting sick You know, it's too much drama every time we came in here and we smoked We had a way to fucking leave to get it together

Six minutes his eyes would get pinned on the top of his head sometimes When he does a bong hit he sucks in his eyes go up. I think he's dying half the time. Listen, I like the kid I don't want no problem. I don't want to carry him out of here ambience on an ambulance or a stretcher We've done enough. We don't have to prove ourselves to anybody. We did enough and yeah, we still get high I know he was looking for edibles. Yeah, man. Let's say you have to get your license back and go to the store And I'll send you right to urban trees and I'll tell you what edible to get okay No, I got some fucking gummy bears to the 10 milligrams of peace You know yesterday. I went to shinsu you shinyun with the daughter and I pop 20 milligrams

And I gotta tell you I was fucking stoned. Oh, yeah, you don't get high for seven eight hours no more I'm 20 milligrams. It's like a two three hour high But at least I know they're getting me high Jesus Christ We're eating 2,000 milligrams a night a thousand It took me six months to shit out all the fucking Jell-O powder and And shit that those things had in your system, you know how what those things clogged to your fucking system now You wonder why he brand fucking muffins and drinking pucha every day and eat yoga as much as I can With bananas and fucking a little bit of granola because you got to balance out your stomach

You got to put those fucking Those things back in your fucking stomach. I'm not you can't shit You're all backed up for fucking weeks. So you got to take care of yourself and I just figured that Jesus Christ, you know We've done the podcast all this time Why not give it a breather and you're gonna see the quality of the podcast? It's not a longer podcast no more because we're not forgetting our topics when Ramlin today It's a fucking shorter more concise get to the point. Let's wrap it the fuck up

I know you people want to listen to other type other podcast type I just want you to maintain uncle join your life and don't get rid of me Listen, we got our ups and we got our downs just like anything else in life the podcast isn't like anything else That's why I tell people the hardest thing you could do is like late night TV You got to be funny five nights a week. Guess what that's not gonna happen every night And that's how you're not gonna have a great show five nights a week But as long as you go in there and give it your all and you show up and you know that you're in there You try to give the people something fucking different. They'll fucking work with you

Let me tell you something. Not only am I upset About I'm not upset about this movie and the other movie in Texas. I'm not upset at all I'm upset that I have to leave my family for four weeks five weeks I'm shooting both of these movies starting month Tuesday the 16th And I'll be shooting till the 17th of fucking May going back and forth between Texas New York and for the fucking Los Angeles. Yeah, I'll get to see them But you know what I'm used to seeing them five fucking days a week so

but Again, you know what man? Even at 56 you got to learn how to get out of your comfort zone from time to time I Got places to go work out when I'm in Texas. I got places to go work out when I'm in New York I got friends in New York. I got friends in Texas So both places and I'm not doing any comedy. I'm just focusing on the movies. That's why I had a reschedule San Antonio and Dallas which got rescheduled now The 8th and the 9th of September, I don't know what city, but I'm gonna put them on my website before I fucking start traveling

We rescheduled the dates are in and then November 7th, I'm at the Motor City Casino in Detroit. So everything is great for you I gotta tell you my little concert thing. So I Busted you guys balls about to make jagged documentary. Okay, good final But when I saw it, I figured out that yes, I want to get back into the concert scene We'll just get out to be entertained yesterday when I went with my daughter and my wife to Shin-Yoon. I Forgot what it was to be entertained and the only way you could entertain is by getting entertained And you guys know nothing floats my fucking boat

I don't give a fuck about after he shows on TV, but you know what floats my boat since day one Something live I've always enjoyed Live music or people jumping up and down or some people playing congas in a in a park I've always been mesmerized by that like not when you're doing the conga line With a bunch of filthy fucking hippies and some guy none. I don't like that shit. I'm talking about music I'm in Central Park or I like live performances. I even like live dance Like I don't mind watching live dance and express of art. You can make your body do shit I don't even dream of doing I went to Shin-Yoon yesterday. Those women those Chinese women shuffle their feet fast

I've never seen in my life those little fucking Chinese feet could move Jack They were going from north to west south to north They were flying into the fucking screen those Japanese. Well, I don't know what they are Chinese job It doesn't matter. There was some white people on the fucking cast It was a great fucking show listen what I have gone on my own not in a million fucking years And never do I want to sit in the Saturday afternoon in a fucking theater with a bunch of people no I gotta tell you something. It was fucking cool as shit And I know my daughter enjoyed that we stay after the intermission fuck

No, my daughter couldn't take another hour that fucking jumping up and down She thought there was gonna be some kung-fu people get some knife throwing some new chunks and shit after like the first time I thought look to me. She's like it's time to go when they gave us intermission Because she kept squabbling around her seat, so I'm like, maybe she got a P. I can mostly got a P. She goes no I was just about to ask are you gonna go to you want to take a walk you feel like they're gonna walk And the white dude came up. This is the last dance and after that we're gonna have a 15-minute intermission So we sat we watched the last fucking dance and I

Told my wife and daughter got if you got to go to the bathroom quite out of P But I wanted them to get going get back and then when they got back the game my ticket I went to the bathroom and while I was the walking out of the bathroom if I wash my hands my phone's ringing It's my wife. She goes hey Mercy don't want to stay. I went back. I go mercy. Why don't you want to stay? She goes. I'm done. I'm good I saw all I need to see it's definitely your daughter Definitely my daughter. I looked at her. I go my wife said I'm not even mad I don't know and we got a little fucking Uber

We put the car seat in and we zoomed right back to the fucking house But you know what one thing about the last I've known about this movie You know this stuff for the last three or four weeks. I spent as much time as I could with them You know, even when I don't have movies or anything planned. I try to spend as much Time as I can with those girls. It's it's sickening like I don't have a fucking social life Yeah, I don't see you anymore other than the podcast really in comedy. I'm not fucking doing comedy And I'm not podcasting. I'm not working out. I'm pretty much at the girls I'm pretty much with one of them or both of them or doing something. It's just really

Insane how much my life has changed man. I've been my wife. We're gonna go on our 20th anniversary Wow this year, right? Yeah, 20th anniversary. I think Next year. This is 19 years married or just together together. That's awesome. I gotta tell you it's You think that when your marriage things were going the opposite directions. No, I gotta tell you something It's gotten better, you know And who knows it makes a marriage work the first time I couldn't make it work if I was in Sin City I was a fucking loser and I had I think because I had the divorce and I saw What things externally and internally I lost from it if I got married I was prepared for the long haul

It's like we talked about with comedy like in 90 I got on stage in 91 but in 93 I realized What I had to do To make the fucking haul this is what needs to be done. You need to do this I know you don't like this, but you better get ready for it Because you're gonna have to do it And I prepared myself for all these things I didn't want to do that now I had to do because I knew it was part of the path to get to the goal I wanted to reach I never wanted to get to this goal right now. This goal was never even thought of it was just a goal

of survival being able to travel from week to week the different places Keep a stay off the radar, but you know what hard work brings a result and that's why we're here And that's why we're in this room doing this fucking podcast So you never know until you fucking get down a path, but it's so weird In the 80s I saw the scorpions and then I think me and Perry veg the bunch Other guys saw a small shank the tour and the 83 or 82 or 81. I don't remember what? Anymore, I've been waiting to go see fucking Michael shankler and I think in January Dean Delray and Danny from the comedy store The sound guy in the main room sweetheart of a guy who I've known how long I've been at the comedy store

Said to me that Michael shankler was coming with Michael shankler was one of the original guitarists the scorpions and his him and his brother And then he went off. He's a fucking wild man into his own stuff the MSG group and all this stuff And They told me that fucking April 15th 16th and 17th He was doing three nights at one of the clubs in town either whiskey or go go or the troubadour. I think it's a whiskey I was blown the fuck away Finally, I was gonna go see a fucking live band

On either Tuesday I was I think we picked Tuesday night because we wouldn't have a podcast We could just go down there and then when the band is finished we got on the comedy store for Tuesday That was the plan All of a sudden I get this fucking movies and I can't do now now listen. I'll tell you what was I depressed? Yeah, I'm fucking depressed. I was looking forward to it I was hoping something to call me and say that they switched my shooting date to the 18th or the 17th Wednesday definitely I go see Michael shankler tomorrow night, but Things didn't work out and sometimes you got a sacrifice just to fucking what am I what am I 10?

I'm gonna not do something cuz I gotta go see I gotta be there Tuesday ready to go I figured I'd get in there tomorrow at two in the afternoon. I gotta go to wardrobe. I get a nice light fucking dinner and then go to the room maybe smoke a number and Just go to bed and fucking get up and work. That's that's it man. It's cool. It's been it's been a few years since you did a movie You know man When I got here, they were shooting more movies with me. They were you know different types of movies I don't get those calls anymore and I can't lie to you. I do I still get calls for a ton of fucking shit The problem is again with the podcast and the family and if it's a gamble if I'm doing something for money

But I really don't like the sides or something like that. Guess what? I'd rather not do it I've always known that When it comes to acting Like when I first got here. Yeah, I went on a lot of auditions and I made my mistakes But then once I started booking I Got the hang of it and then after a while something else happens You start getting cocky you start cherry picking but I cherry picked

With backing like with science Like before I would cherry pick a role. I would think of it from all directions like what is this role gonna do for me? For years like the other day somebody put up a short film while I play the science cooking teacher Louie the teacher something like that. These are all the movies. I was doing after the writer strike They were hundred dollar a day movies You got to bring your own fucking clothes You got to shoot it odd fucking hours because they don't have enough money to shoot at the place And at the end of the day, they just fucking practice on acting

Because nine of the ten don't go anywhere. I'll tell you this with all my heart Yeah, there was a movie years ago that made somebody the chick from the Clint Eastwood movie when she was a boxer. Oh Yeah, yeah, she did a hundred dollar a day movie and it blew up some movies That million dollar baby. Yeah, the girl from million dollar baby right before million dollar baby did a hundred dollar a day movie and The fucking thing blew up So people were like pushing for a lot of them will resist and I pay the fucking I pay sag man I pay sag a lot of money even though I don't do dick Like I don't do dick compared to what I used to do

So the sag you got to pay them like twice a year and then at the end of the year They add up what you made and you gotta give them a percentage of that So the only reason why I'm still I mean listen, I'm very proud that I'm gonna get a fucking pension and I've been acting for 20 fucking years now in this town, but With the same token the values went down on what they're paying. Yeah, I mean by 50% There's actors leaving this town every day on the daily and I'm not trying to sign negative. I'm just being honest with you There are actors leaving this town Every day because the roles are just not there no more and you figure with Netflix and

600 channels on TV and all these hooloos and everything I don't even know anybody who goes into that and you guys know from Michael Rappaport The tutorial that the 20 other actors I speak to we're not great friends But I speak to from time to time and say hello and check in with Not too many of them set in the world on fire They're not setting the world on fire like they used to and again you go in age groups here It's like 18 to 22 and then 22 to 27 Then 27 to 32 then 36 to 40 and 40 or 45

Then 45 to 55 and they put you in a different category so Older you are the more the percentage the less the percentage of you going on this, you know, so I Was cherry-picking for a long time if you're gonna send me an audition and I know what the audition fucking entails right in my head. I do the math. You're not gonna shoot in Hollywood It's this you know what I make more money by not doing the job Because at the end of the week, I got to pay two commissions and taxes and then you look at what's left over and you go for that I got a drive to Marina Del Rey three days and traffic and whatnot

It's not worth the aggravation. Well, you opened up the podcast saying that you have to evolve and We you've spoken about when you first moved here You started acting as a way to work and to get in and to free and evolve your comedy I did and you don't need it. I did 20 fucking movies that you'll never see you have a dream of seeing You know, I did I used to do college films That's how I caught experience by doing college films. I never stopped. I just kept doing college films every time I had a chance I do more more college films and

Eventually I popped out of that I did that for about a year and a half and then I got into the commercial business for a while That was great. That's a lucrative business and then I got into the real real real theatrical of it And I booked baseball and I booked the one when I moved there. I already had a pilot and then it was slow for two years I really focused on my comedy and maybe 91 2001 2002 once I went with mad TV. I was off and running and that lasted to 2007 and Then the strike came and right away. I got coming one of the strike happened. I was on Greg Garcia's call show My name is my name is Earl and he would give me episodes

I mean, he just had that point He would just call me at 230 for a 430 shoot to get there to the valley at 430 So I had friends just give me rolls, but it just went down the pipe and It just went down the tubes and the interesting was thing was that when I signed with Justin the guy who books me comedically They didn't have a theatrical department in my age and wasn't doing a good job And I would still get these little offers for YouTube series that didn't pay dick, you know didn't pay dick I looked at the director. There wasn't nobody no worry to work with, you know

Like is he gonna lift my career up? Is he gonna bring something different to the table? And I started saying the word no Which throughout the month you're here a couple actors that came on in commerce and they're gonna You know Tell you that sometimes it's okay to say no if you don't feel like this is gonna get you to where you want to be It's okay to fucking say no and from time to time. I started saying no, but the last three or four years I Keep getting these things that are legit offers. They're just undoable Either undoable because the script sucks or undoable because I can't get there

It's two planes to get there and it's gonna it's a one-day shoot But it's three days of my time and I'm not to cancel to podcast and then right from there I got to go to a road gig and you know what like I said, I'm getting older. I can't handle that shit no more So I've been cherry-picking but I told my agent about six months ago He keeps he kept saying to me look at you getting these offers and they're just not whatever you feel bad And I go no I'm a guy at the plate Sometimes you got to wait for a fucking fastball. They're gonna throw curveballs at you They're gonna throw knuckleballs at you throw screwballs at you, but if you're patient and

You know They're gonna throw you a fucking fastball And you know, I got a lot of offers for voiceovers, which I've been doing a lot more lately I've done like three or four voiceovers this year. I started out the year by doing the Theo Vaughn Pilot and the Danny Brown pilot for vice I did another pilot for another dear friend of mine. So, you know what? I had a good little fucking year going and Next you know, I got this offer on this movie, which I signed the confidentiality agreement So I can't really speak about until they let me sign off on it

And This movie's gonna be dynamic. It's gonna be fucking tremendous. I mean, I got a nice little role in it It comes out next year on a theatrical release. I'm gonna try to get the book to come out around that time I'm gonna try to get another CD out around that time, you know Just to highlight the movie from a professional way like in the old days when you hit you hit with three or four things It's not just a fucking overhead right. You got him on an overhead right two body shots And he come back to the top with a left fucking jab or something three beats in a soda The three piece in the soda that motherfuckers gonna be on I'm leaving town and he's coming in fucking George Mazda

I hope he hit Tuesday. I think doing Rogan's podcast. So That's the way it works. Also. I had Danny Brown in town the last two days. We couldn't get him on the podcast So if it isn't one thing, it's the other it's been one of those weeks and again my apologies to how he's Jones I couldn't tell him on the phone. I had the flu and I felt I'm the type of guy when I'm sick, man I don't want people around me if I can't buy you. I don't really want you around me I'll tell you why cuz you're gonna get it. You're gonna get it You know, I got it if I got this flu. Let me tell you how strong this flu is you ready for this I got a kid in the in kindergarten

Every time you walk in the kindergarten It smells like death in there. It smells like fucking death in kindergarten You could tell the flu is floating around the fucking air every time I walk every time my daughter comes home And I hug her I love it at that But she smells fucking horrible Decreasing her head with her fucking with a partner head with her high-end little parts Smells horrible. It's it's if my daughter not really it's all the kids She comes in contact with all fucking that and they all have something so my immune system has been

Built the fuck up for the last couple years because of having a child. I already had the flu as I was gonna get from her already Now it's just that's how bad this flu For this flu to take me out for two weeks how it did because the first week it really wasn't a flu I just didn't feel like me. I had a headache every fucking day You got that thing in your throat where you think you're gonna get sick in two days But it really doesn't deliver to your spitting mild colors, but nothing really serious You know I'm saying like every three spits is like a little fucking yellow. Maybe a little piece of blood How are you spitting? You know, you gotta spit when you drink a lot of water

When you work out your fucking spitting but last week when I was in Pittsburgh when I didn't even feel like working out I already had the body aches once those body aches that you that's when it's fucking real and the temperature broke I Think Wednesday night. I went to bed and I took my shirt off like a savage and the fan was blowing on me I said fuck it. I put the fucking covers over my head and I could write it right there I could feel when I woke up the next morning. It was just a puddle of fucking drench under me so the temperature broke after two antibiotics and Thursday I still had a cancelled store. I still had green snacks and stuff Friday got a little better

Yes, I got a little better today with the grace of God. I'm ready for Monday the motherfucking 15th Yeah, I still got half the bottle antibiotics to eat But who gives a fuck another plane ride tomorrow. I'm definitely putting one of those Japanese masks on the plane Yeah, I wouldn't bought 20 of them. I can't deal no more Listen, these planes are filthy, especially now that the 737 and went down now that put more people more fucking planes and You're gonna do a bow Oh, I'm doing the whole thing like when I was over at the University of Colorado when I was faking the funk Just talking Spanish if you listen to the Thompson girl podcast is where you're missing out on fucking life. You understand me?

Listen, I made a constant decision When I came back from the next flick shooting that I'm not fucking around no I only go to the commie store. Just so I'm high. I'm on high alert At all fucking times. You understand me. I'm on high alert at all times lia tell you Lee will tell you that I'm on high alert at all times seven in the morning. I'm gonna call I'm striving for the fucking funny now And it's the truth and that's just how as bad as it is. I don't know what I got left on this planet And I don't know how much I got left on this fucking stage

But from now on every time I go on that stage I'm giving you everything I fucking got the same thing with podcasts. I love you people contact me. Hey, can you be on my Populate number one. I don't know you. I'm not walking into a fucking A nest of death I don't know what the fuck you got number two. I don't do that many podcasts And there's a reason for that One I just don't have the time And two there's no reason to do 80 fucking podcasts a month

Because I rather go on a podcast and kill it Than go on three podcasts and be mediocre That's my philosophy. Listen, we do eight podcasts here alone out of the eight podcasts two of them are sensational Four of them are passable and two of them you want to shoot yourself after 25 fucking minutes And I understand that that's the law of diminishing returns But since we stop smoking reefer They're gonna get better every month. I'm gonna do better interviews You know, hopefully leo keep the fucking camera where it's supposed to be looking at me directly

With a little box. I want you people to feel me constantly on a constant level And I also want you to feel the guests on a constant level. That's why I don't like the wide shots no more between three people It's either me him or the cameras on leak as he's fucking talking These are all these things and prove a podcast and this is what we've been working on The last couple months. Like I said, they're not all gonna be academy award winners Let me see a direct though, you know, james cammin went from arrow to fucking zero He's throwing fucking dust at you. But james cammin also did that fucking movie end of all whatever. What is it avatar? Avatar end of all. I don't fucking know

It was close for you. It was pretty close avatar. He also had 80 million dollars to work We don't have 80 million dollars to work with we're gonna limit the fucking budget here We got what the fuck we got all right when I'm part of a network when I'm part of no communism fucking show here This is just us giving your love every fucking couple days and throwing some fucking heat just to let you know What the fuck we're thinking here on a beautiful monday April mother fucking 15 tip top magoo. You got your health. You got your family So what you ate a couple fucking down pills last week. Who gives a fuck? It's a whole new fucking week You know what I'm saying? Just don't eat fucking pills. Just smoke a little reefer

Relax get your life to get that's what these whole new fucking way. That's why I love mondays That's why when I travel this and you couldn't fucking pay me to stay in your fucking town on a sunday I don't give a fuck if you show up with a thousand fucking fucking chicks the suck dick Then you kill them afterwards so they don't tell nobody you never want witnesses No, I don't I don't not I like to come home Eat the lord's day dinner with my family and then monday by the time monday morning comes i'm fucking rested And i'm ready to take the fucking week down like isis. You understand me? I'm ready just

What the fuck are you laughing about there alisa dick there the isis, man No fucking isis. I'm just i'm just telling you mother fuckers the truth how I feel And what we're gonna get going for you from now fucking on you understand me don't forget You got your fucking uh You got your mother fucking uh 420 show In milwaukee wisconsin at the papstina

Me and my man dean del riz. He was in detroit last week and killed him at mark ridley's comedy castle and fucking Royal oak michigan a little suburb outside detroit. I used to visit years ago. They didn't like me in royal oak They looked at me 20 years ago. Like I had problems. That's why only went there one and dunjack I was like whatever that coach is what he'd do with those people. He won and Cal power. Yeah, I was one and fucking done when I went to detroit But listen, I gave it a shot. That was a long time ago. I'm a different comedy today And that's all that matters man, but listen things could be a lot worse, you know We're doing our job on the podcast. We got these fucking little movies

Lee is doing stand-up. You know, he's trying his best to get it together And we're healthy and that's all you could fucking pray for in one week, man I mean, uh, we come on here what? you know A couple times a week and you let us into your fucking living room. Some of yous let them Let us into your fucking hearts. I get the messages. I read them and I'm very appreciative You guys if you listen to sagora, I want a little fucking off on there, but again If you know me

You know, I don't fucking mean them those things. I just talk like that just a fucking because it's the truth When they're stuck in it's the truth. I don't mean it, but it's the truth I don't mean it from the heart, but it's the fucking truth You know those kids those those parents putting their kids through College and paying off all that fucking money. Who does it hurt? It hurts fucking minority kids. You know what I mean? I didn't say it like that But I had to paint the true picture for you. So you see what the fuck is going on here So there's no misunderstanding. You understand? I feel you

But no, I really appreciate you guys sticking out with us. Like I said the next uh Uh Three two weeks they're gonna all and I got great guests. We got great guests great surprises. I'm not gonna give you no fucking names We got a great lineup for you. So just keep listening hang in there with us And that's that motherfucker's you know what I'm saying at least we're moving ahead Whether it's oaky spooky or my bad babblingus We're moving ahead. We got rid of the dead weight And it's onward and fucking onward. Do you understand? We got a great fucking year coming

I'm gonna rest the rest of the month once I come back from these movies. I'm gonna be tired So I'm gonna chill at home for two weeks and then we got a great fucking schedule all summer We start with motherfucking new all-eens and atlanta at the tabernacle fucking theater right in june And then we're taking it to motherfucking columbus Your boy, what's his name steve somone? Oh, shit from the fam. What's his name in the forecast? The good times the good time the family one hour podcast PG rated It's like watch the dick van dyke episode

He's coming with me because he's restarting the podcast. Yeah, we're doing it this week I think he said he's gonna start it up on twos. There was a very interesting night last night at the comedy store, man I saw somone. I saw rick ramo. So I saw jason. What's his last lucas lucas And those guys were the three stooges 20 years. Yeah, they were all three door men Looking for that fucking way, you know jason lucas is a fucking at it now and

God knows what rick ramos does. He's just fucking watching movies and talking shit about him. I love him to death He was talking to my movies last night. It was interesting as fuck. We got to get him back on when I come back And steve somone and it's so weird. I was talking to jason lucas and I told the story on one of the podcasts We taped last week, but you guys will Be listening to how long I've known jason fucking lucas. I met jacob lason lucas when I was a feature act at the comedy cabana In myrtle beach south carillon He was the opening act

And he kept talking to me about the comedy storm whether things true I told him yes And he fucking uh He said he would be coming up Would I help him out if he came up like you know I'm just uh, I'm just getting peed on myself over at the comedy store But I'll do whatever I can to help you, you know, uh, whatever I could do. I'll fucking help you, you know At that time I had no pull. I didn't know any but I still don't have any pull

I don't know what the fuck's running that joint. I keep out of that shit It makes my longevity that had longer And one night I started coming up to the store and you know what he started paying at first He would pay every night and come to the store and sit in the back And watch and keep his mouth shut And then uh They started letting them in for free And I'd see him back there from time to time at night when I'd follow mooney

And he'd give me some notes his shit and I'd look at him like this kid's crazy He comes here three four nights a week to watch I go, why don't you just get a fucking doorman job here? And that's exactly what he did He got a dog guy job up there and he was up there every night watching watching watching and when he got his shot He fucking became a regular And you know what you know with all the changes or the governments up there Within that fucking moutage with the fucked up heck and when he got caught stealing You know jason lucas got caught

Like nobody really knew who he was but he kept going up then he kept fighting for what he believes and you know what? The talent coordinator adam believed them and started giving them late night spots Late night spots late night spots late night spots And last night he went up before me. He said then he got an early spot and guys it's Listen, I'm not here blowing smoke up your acid that that story applies to anything That you're doing whether it's carpentry and artists. You just hang in there

You know what he was lost in the fucking wind there for an hour And he's still hung in there And he still goes down there now instead of getting spots at one in the morning 12 30, which he's got three kids He's got to go to work on it. He's got a regular fucking day job as nether He hangs out back there. Does he complain? Does he say anything? No, he goes down there He does his spot at 12 30. Did he did he ask anybody to get him spots? Did he ask anybody to get him early spots? He didn't say dick

He just kept going down at one o'clock and last night he got like a nine o'clock fucking spot 845 Guess what when I get back here, I'm gonna have him on the podcast just so he could tell you the story I respect that the fucking man. I respect when Somebody just hangs in there. Just keep your mind shut. Keep your fucking mind shut Put your head down and know that no good deed Goes undone like no just keep keep fucking doing what you're doing. Shut your mouth. Nobody asked you for your opinion That's for starters. Nobody asked you for your opinion

The more I was watching the NCAA finals and when I was watching both teams last week They did not put the ball down on the floor That's as disciplined as can be when you're talking about basketball when you turn basketball into just a passing game And do not waste the dribble the same thing applies to life The more you fucking dribble you're gonna get yourself into trouble When you're up there when you're going for your specific Thing they're not gonna give it to you nobody's gonna give it to you You're gonna have to take it and along the way you're gonna get things said to you

Your feelings are gonna get hurt all this shit as long as you know, you're getting something out of this Maybe not today Maybe not today, but in a few weeks that come it could be a year It could be two years don't give up just keep putting your fucking head down and go down I was so happy on the drive home last night Not because of my spot not because of how I did Because of Jason Lucas Because the formula works. I don't give a fuck what they told you what they didn't tell you

The formula always works And it has for 2,000 fucking years I didn't write it and it will for 200,000 more years after i'm fucking dead buried on another planet So stick to it. I see that has always worked. I also last week Put a schedule out that joshua went to Tacoma, washington Two weekends ago and he bumped into the old club manager at the At the seattle underground the comedy underground where I developed really as a feature act I was there for two or three years. It's so weird that

Again Before mitzi I had car woman home Car woman home was in charge of the open mics on monday and tuesday and he would make the list And if you look at the list I put up I was like number four Maybe number five That was my first open mic up there the guy believed that he got it because I had rick currents calling my comic Dear friend of mine at denver and he blew smoke up his ass And he put me up for the open mic and he put me on number five by the time I left two years later

I always was closing those shows out Like I was the headliner on all those shows and he guided me through that I was very fortunate to have that timepiece for them because he guided me through that I would go up there every monday and tuesday and one thing I did was I gave him the respect he deserved He took care of me. So I had to take care of him. I did the main thing that All those people want to see I wrote I made a little bit of progress every week from every monday and tuesday I went in there And I noticed safe two minutes from monday and two minutes for tuesday that went new

And I remember switching them around I used to say a joke back then That he used to get a big kick out of and he gave me a bunch of tags for that's what he was well known for car Woman over when you got off the stage, he'd give you tags even at that level I would never use them, but I'd write them around I under those tags expanded your mind He made you think A different way and I remember after a year one night on a monday night or tuesday He made me follow rick dukeman from the burbs and uh, what's on the movie he did with fucking tom hanks

What the fucking what's the animal that groundhog day with bill mary? He did that rick dukeman was a brilliant comic from Toronto canada God rest his soul fucking great guy and one night he wanted to test my balls carl wolman holman He didn't say nothing to me. He didn't say nothing I got down in and like what's going on am I going up tonight? He's like, yeah, you're following rick And i'm like, who the fuck is rick? No, I didn't even know who rick was he goes you're behind the next guy And because he didn't show me the guy's belt the second jujitsu

When you're gonna go wrestle with a guy, he's got a brown belt. You got a blue belt right away Your fucking skunk goes up your tail goes up and you get a little weaker or whatever That is to make you tougher You know, so if somebody doesn't have a belt on and you don't know what his rank is How are you gonna go into it you ever think about that? So it's the same thing in life If you don't know who this guy is going up before you won't make you nervous So he didn't tell me who it was the guy destroyed the fucking room

Was I paranoid? No because I thought he was an open miker I went up there and this is 1997. This is 22 years ago I went up there and I didn't level the room, but I did Fantastic and when I got off the stage, I remember all my comedy guys like josh Uh, tainan manu and brodie stevens and fucking charred hogan. They all came up to me And they gave me a big hug and like you did great considering who the fuck you just followed And i'm like, who the fuck did I just follow me? You just followed the fucking rick duke him in

He's got an hbo special blah blah blah blah blah and that in turn made me friends with rick Like once I started looking at him closely, I realized it was a guy from ground hot day and the guy from hbo And I formed an immediate bond with the guy He gave me his number and he told me if I was ever coming to LA to keep in touch with him And he pretty much the first uh year I was here He was one of my guides before rogan before jimmy shuberth Before paul mooney. He was my guy. He taught me how to call in for spots at the store He gave me a recommendation at the store

With carlos been seeing doug stanhope. I mean, I loved rick, you know, it's a shame that he passed away years ago He told me stories that they wouldn't give him spots at the improv So he would wait for the show to be over and he'd bring his own little spotlight And he would buy everybody a drink at the bar and make them come in to watch him Just so you could build an audience this is before they had the lab This is before they had anything that was the mind of rick dukeman He also taught me something really, uh, his wife told me a story one time They had just he had just done david letterman

And they drove from like new york as the letterman set finished at seven They drove from new york all the way to wherever the fuck they lived in ohio not where they lived where her mother was from And they got in the middle of the night And rick slept all day ate dinner with them And after dinner he was sitting there talking to his father-in-law, but he was putting his sneakers on And his wife said to him, uh, where you going? And she goes on the drive here. I saw there's a pizza place down the block and they're doing an open mic tonight

The guy just did letterman HBO specials She goes he's at a pizza place and I know they're doing an open mic over there I'm gonna go over there and try some new jokes and she said to him But you just didn't let him in last night and he goes, that's my point I got to start the fucking next day. So all those little experiences For me and those little ideals that were put in my head Were put now by car wolman hold them. So, uh

Maybe if he comes down to l.a. I'll get him on the show. He's still alive and kicking Josh says he looks better than ever and you guys saw the names on there from brody to lehigh for emboula to josh wolf those are the fucking days when I used to sleep in my car. I lived with a stripper You know, we would just do it spot. We were just fucking kids and here we are 24 fucking years later. So the struggle never ends And that's what monday's are all about to remind you that the struggle never ends and you always got another fucking week to go All right, I always want to thank you guys for supporting this for the last six years. It's always a fucking pleasure

Half years. Uh, we've become friends on the outside of this. So that's always fucking great And I hope that you get something from these podcasts. Yeah I say some raunchy shit from time to time and we torture lee and we do drugs but the heart of the podcast the uh the whole Reason to what would be and see you guys get something out of it And uh, thank you very much. I will be checking in with you guys. I will not have facebook on the road I do not ever bring facebook on the road to do not facebook me

If you need to get a hold of me tweet me only just tweet at me Tweet at me or leave me a fucking twitter message and I'll get back to you back as fast as I can like I said I'll be on and off with these fucking films till may 17th I'm not doing any comedy shows after 4 19th There's tickets still available for 4 20 in milwaukee for the early show and a couple for the late show It's going to be a great show, you know, bring some reef. Let's do some edibles. Let's eat some xanax Let's eat some fucking viking and whatever you got bring it Just make sure you bring some kombucha juice

Because I don't want your stomach to get sick next day and next day you're fucking crying to me cocksuckers anyway A little word from my mother fucking sponsors as I told you earlier Uh, even when I had the flu and whatnot Uh, with the body aches I kept taking my cbd and I'll tell you it helped you understand me And I know you're looking at me like joey I I live in a state where they sell cbd's at stores. I get calls all the fucking time I got emails all the time Listen, it's a fucking nightmare finding a cbd that works for you. It really is

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You can get in a vape you get cartridges you get shatter And if you're not into smoking, I'll tell you what the gummy bears we got them here somewhere Oh, they're good. I think they're good. This is the way two of them and fucking your legs didn't hurt. Oh, yeah All right, or use the tincture like me. You just put a couple drops under your tongue Swish it around let it go through it through your glands and boom Drink a little bit of water and I'll tell you what the next day you're fucking brand new You got a step in this you got some pepping your step and after a while you're gonna feel a lot better You're gonna go fucking joey. I didn't know they come a thousand milligrams in the tincture of 5000 milligrams

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The next three weeks i'll be on and off, but you got your your podcast coming to you, baby All right, I just want to let you know what's going on today and remind you it's monday whatever dream you had Whatever thing you had going on. This is the motherfucking week you turn it around Who gives a fuck about january 1st and the asshole can make a fucking uh wish and if he doesn't follow up It goes back down to pizza. No, you got another chance to start right now with your tax little refund not Trump took away all your money come But who gives a fuck uncle joey's here to give you love And to give you motivation for another week to go out there grease your nutsack and stick it up somebody's cool

Oh, you understand me don't forget saturday night for 20 there's tickets left at the paps Minneapolis is sold out and that's it. That's that I love you motherfuckers Thank you for supporting me on whether i'm on sagura on this one. I'm rogan. Where the fuck i am You're always there listen to the past podcast from mike tyson to ralfie made to my man brody stevens We got them all in the fucking book for you missus prior missus prior and that's it and that's that i'll see you guys Thursday I love you motherfuckers to death and one big of applause for the mayor of fucking harsh which my brother

The christ killer the original mr. Lee sciat I love you motherfuckers have a great week Write your goals eat your vitamins come in your wife's side and get back at me Press this motherfucking have a great week kick this motherfucking muley I want to be around To pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart Some somebody twice as smart as I I

Somebody who Will swear to be true as you used to do with me Who'll leave you to learn that misery loves company Wait and see I mean I want to be around To see how he does it when he breaks your heart two bits Let's see if the puzzle fits so fine And that's when I'll discover that revenge is sweet

As I sit there applauding from a front row seat When somebody breaks your heart like you You