Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #679 - Tammy Pescatelli

Episode Date: April 29, 2019

Tammy Pescatelli, a stand up comedian seen on Netflix and Last Comic Standing, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio.  This podcast is brought to you by: 23andme.com - 23andMe is a DNA testing service that can offer you insights on to how your DNA can influence your weight, sleep quality and much more. Order your 23andMe health and ancestry kit at 23andMe.com/church. For a limited time only, get 30% off of your kit for Mothers Day. Deal expires on May 13, 2019.   Pro Flowers - It's Mothers Day. Get a dozen assorted roses for $19.99. Visit ProFlowers.com, click on the microphone in the upper right corner, and use promo code HAPPENING.   CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies go to CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off. 

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on the right corner and use promo code happening. Mother's Day is May 12th. So do not wait. Order like a pro and get this amazing rose deal to thank all the moms in your life. Now I'm still in New York City. I'm still slinging dick, but the podcast is coming at you. Kick this motherfucking mule, Lee. Oh shit. It's your type of day, motherfuckers. Church of what's happening now. Here you go. You were looking for a fucking up. Here you go, cock suckers. There you go. Get that motherfucker out. Wash that monkey. It's a new day, motherfuckers. It's a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive. What's the story, Tammy Peek? We're cheer dancing. That's what it is.

What the fuck you been? Oh man, everywhere. I haven't seen you in how long? I miss you, my brother. I know. How long haven't I seen you? Maybe 10 years. That's how long? No, I don't know. I think I've seen you. I think I ran into you once or twice in the store, but when I left LA and then you got big, 2008. I was a fucking, I was just starting to pick myself up again. I'd been off the drugs for a year. Yeah, you were doing good. I was doing okay. At least I was off the drugs. That was the main thing. I think I got married in 2009, 2010, and you had a child? Yeah, yeah. So we got out of LA. You wanted to give him a fair chance to live around these fucking Harvey Weinstein, Jesse Smollett's fucking college,

fucking admissions. It's just never, never land. The man who walked by with a suit and a superman cape. You have to just one day look and go, what the fuck? I was in New York for a few days and I'm driving up to 405 and I'm looking at the sunlight and I'm like, you know, there's nothing like this place, but it's great. The sunshine, but you're empty here. You're alone, you know? Well, the store was my life. That's your life. It was my life. And I love Bali to death, but I saw what happened when you wait. That's because that's what would happen. I'd had my baby in a bucket in the back and you guys had been blowing weed in his face or whatever. You know what I mean? Like, he would that's what happened would have been comics who watched him while I was on stage. Duncan would

have had him playing with that stupid ventriloquist dummy. Remember when Duncan used to do that ventriloquist dummy thing? And then somebody stole it. I would fucking be scared to death that motherfucker was in the whole town. Somebody you know who stole it. George stole it. Probably Otto and George. No, I think Otto and George were dead. Somebody fucking stole it from him after a show. Put it down somewhere. What was his name? Little hobo. That thing was the creepiest fucking thing. Well, what was creepier is that Duncan thought it was like he really that that was going to be his hook. Well, if you look at the whole thing, it was brilliant for Duncan. Just a fact to go up there. Take a ventriloquist dummy, put him on your fucking lap and actually see the people. I mean,

he let people see him. He was not a ventriloquist. And he would do that song by Pink Floyd. Wish you were here. And then the thing would fucking disintegrate and talk about the devil and satanic messages. It's the mind of Duncan Trouser. People don't have the balls to go up there and do that. First time I saw even Missy Shaw was sitting next to me. She's like, what the fuck? You know, nobody knew what the fuck it was. The more I went out with him on the road and rogue and I was watching him, I'm like, this is pretty brilliant. And even though he knew he was creeping people out, he didn't give a fuck. No, he wanted it was it was really goes to that level of I can't think of what his name is. Jim Carrey played him Man of the Moon. What's his name? I can't

think of it right now. Yeah, you know what I mean? Because it was really like he was doing it. He wanted a reaction and he knew that it was going to create a reaction. It's going to give you a feeling, you know, and and some people are going to find it funny. Some people are going to be creepy, but he knew that it was going to solicit a reaction. That's really weird to, you know, when you use comedy like that, like after 10 years, you start using comedy the way a boxer uses his jabs and his, you know, uppercuts, you know, that's why I always say every art goes to another art, even us as comics. We know what the home run is. It's the overhead, right? Well, right. It's the closer. Yeah, for sure. We know what jokes are a jab. And we know what jokes are a body shot,

just to fucking loosen you up a little bit. Then they suck. Then they're fucking dropping checks. So we got to hit them with a couple body shots. Yeah. They don't pay attention to the 80 dollar tab. They just pay and keep laughing. You know, you learn, you learn where to attack, what agitates, what does, I know if I'm bombing and they don't like me because I said something that they didn't flow with, now they're going to get the wrath of God on them. Yeah, you got a combination. No, I'm going to fucking just drop everything that I don't, that I hate. Shit that I wouldn't even say in public around my family. I would say around them, just for sure. Because if you're going to hate me, I'm really going to walk on ice, you might as well dance. Yeah.

If you're going to hate me, let me tell you what's really in my heart. If I see you eating hummus, I'm going to sell you to 10 black guys and have them fucking. I hate fucking hummus and I hate hummus eaters, especially fucking Americans. We eat hummus to be fucking cute. How about I take you to Isisville and you hang out with those motherfuckers and then if you like hummus, that fucking, you know, you just go off and they look at you and they fucking, you know, you just lose them or you gain a fan because somebody says, at least the bitch went down and flames. Yeah, for sure. They always mess with me. There's always one woman, no matter what, even still, who's too old to strip and wants to mess with me and my show. And I'm like, this is how I pay my mortgage.

So you're not going to win. You're not, not now, not 25 years in, and there's always someone who tries to mess with you. So you give them, I mean, I always say, I give them out. It's not going to end the way you think it's going to end in your head. You think that you're going to come out of this cute. I'm going to destroy you. Like I want to say, when you want to challenge me in the middle of the show, I know that first I'm giving you the out. But if you keep going, I want to say something that's so bad that you want to go home and kill yourself. You're going to stop every day and remember me. You're going to hate me. You're going to light candles for my death because you're taking from my son, right? Like this is all I have. I didn't get cast and stuff.

I don't have development deals. All I have is my stand up, my free speech that I have 45 minutes to entertain everybody who came and you can't trick them out of their money twice, right? Once. Once, yeah. You can only trick people one time. It's so weird, especially today with all the choices you have for entertainment. Yeah, yeah. And you see young comics that are going on the road and they're not prepared and you're going to trick people one time. Okay, you can go do it if you want. And you can almost trick them a second time. You'll get 50% because some people are stupid. They'll come back a second time and go, oh, maybe it was an off night. But it's really weird, especially with the entertainment dollar, the amount of comics. You know, last week I was talking

to Josh Wolfe or something. He goes, I got one of those weekends again. Like, oh, why? He goes, I'm in South Denver. Ron Funches is downtown. Sebastian's at the Paramount. Burke Christ is at the other theater. And then Mark Marin's there on Sunday. He goes, I'm fucking dead. There's a lot of comedy. There's a lot of shit on Netflix. So your game has to be super fucking tight. Yeah. So when you go to clubs and somebody fucking heckles you, I have a good presence and I go up there with a smile on my face. So it's very rare. People just get drunk at my shows. And because of the podcast, they know you, but I don't give them three cents. Yeah, but you know that they're not messing with like even me. What happens with me more than

likely, I mean, nine times out of 10, it's a woman who literally starts trying to be, she thinks we're friends. Yeah. High five at me when I'm on stage, but she's not getting what she wants when I'm calling it out. You know, if you act like a whore, you're going to be treated like a whore when I'm saying the things that are not the political correct. When I say, you know, this woman's movement is bullshit. Cause when you take a picture with your friend, you only fix yourself on the face app and you let your friend hang looking like Shrek and stuff. And then they get mad and then they're like, why aren't you sick? And then they need the attention. And then that's when it starts where they start saying stuff or trying to the one lady. I had

$20 in my pocket. And I said, uh, how much are tickets? And they said, uh, $20. And I go, okay, here's $20 for this time. And I borrowed, I go to the guy in the front. I go, let me $20. And I took $20 from the guy in front. I go in the next time I come, don't, here's $20 to don't come back the next time. I go, if you see me on TV, change a channel. Shrek, I'm never coming back. Good. That's exactly what I want. You aren't my audience. I don't want you. I want people who get it and have a sense of humor. If I went somewhere, like if I go to a restaurant, first of all, I'm not that fucking dumb that I would walk into a restaurant. I didn't know nothing about,

I'm not that fucking stupid. I don't do that. I don't just try out new things. Cause oh my god, I don't, unless three solid motherfuckers come up to me, I don't walk in there. Right, right, right. I don't want to try nothing. You know what I'm saying? So I would never complain. Like if I get it one to a restaurant, I made a bad choice and the food sucked. I paid a guy and I walk out. What did that happen to that? Now people got to go home and yelp it. Yeah, but I don't care either. So I just, it, it just bewildered me that people go out and try to ruin somebody else's night. Yeah, for sure. Just try to go out. I don't, like I said, Tammy, I don't run into it a lot. I think cause the presence on stage or whatever in Houston,

I did have to throw somebody out. I won't play. I will, if, if I won't let it get to plan B, I don't let it get to plan B. If I have to look at you and say, stop embarrassing your girlfriend, bro. Do you know that when I was shooting my special, there was a guy in the front row that didn't want to be there. His girlfriend wanted to be there and he was hamming and the whole time he was causing problems in the front row. Yeah. And there was a point in the special where I turned into the narrow in the family. I saw my future and my fate and I just saw me kicking him in the jaw, breaking his jaw and the camera shutting off and you know, and I just, and then they would have it on tape. I looked at all this shit, all the scenarios and I gave him

a look like I'm going to fucking kill you. And then the guy next to me said something to him when I turned around and they would, and after that it was tolerable. Well, that's what's hard is sometimes what people don't get is from our position on stage. If you're being a dick, I can see the people around you reacting to that. Now, especially like my audience, tickets anywhere go from like 20, 25 bucks, right? People don't make that in an hour. Some people, right? So they got to buy two tickets. They got to get a sitter, their baby buy drinks. Sometimes there's two drink minimum, there's dinner. They work for a day and a half to come see my show. I got to honor that because if I allow some drunken asshole to take away from my show, they're never coming back. I got to feed

my family, right? I need them to, I need them, I know those people to come back and bring two friends with them next time. Anywhere from four to 17 days a month depends on what I have a nut I have to cover. And that's what I do because I try to balance it out. My kid's 11. I need to be there at his play. I need to, like he's my priority, but he can, he functions because of comedy. Who watches him when you're in the room? Mom, dad, my husband. Yeah. Luke is a great, I got a big looking little look. He's a phenomenal dad. Phenomenal. They're like, they're like buddies. It's like being at a frat house. Your husband's a very sweet guy. Super. Your husband was always. I had a lot of good laughs at him at the store. You know, to explain Tammy Pascattali to a lot of

people who she's been on the podcast for the first time, Tammy and me grew up at the store. We were kids. Me, yourself, Sebastian, Brad Ernst, you know, Ari, there was just a couple of us. Yeah. And you were one of the guys you have to see burn. You know, you have to, it's tough for a woman to fit in. But for some reason, everybody has accepted you. You're one of the guys. Yes, you did talk sports. Yeah. So that made your plight a lot easier. Yeah. Well, I needed it. I think you even gamble from time to time. Don't you remember? Yeah. I got nervous when they made that movie Molly's game because I was the one teaching all those, those big A list, you know, pansy guys. I was teaching them how to play poker. Is that what you did? I'm not going to say who, but yeah,

I taught some of those big A list people that you play poker. I know you did something. You did something. I won that poker tournament on TV that I beat. I beat all of the celebrities and I lost and all of the pros, except I lost to the Unabomber who was like the champion, you know, what they call that poker tournament. I'm kidding. The World Poker Tour? I don't know, but I guess. How long have you been playing poker for? I don't know. Now about 20 years. I just had started a little bit before, but I'm Italian. I'm great at the bluff. And then I learned some skills by playing. The more you play against people who are good, you learn. And so then I started teaching some of those no personality A-listers who wanted that. That was my side hustle. They would pay me

to come over and teach them. And so when that movie Molly's game came out, I was like, oh, shit. I didn't read. I had to quit. Get the book. Make sure that nothing was in there about me. Cause I got that. Then there's everything was above board. Let's just say that. Okay. If anybody from the IRS is listening, it was all legal FBI, DA, Rico, whatever. That's it, man. People do it all the fucking time. I mean, it was no. You can learn. I was an app. I was a human being app. But it was more played out in Oceans 8. Oceans 11 was what Brad Pitt was playing over in Hollywood behind where we lived. That's where the game was. That's where they shot that, that movie. They shot that, but there was a different one. Right. Right. Molly's game. Yeah. Yeah.

There was a different one, but I don't know if I should, you know, but no, no, the one that Oceans 11 in the beginning, he's playing a poker game with a couple of celebrities. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The kids from whatever and whatever. And that's kind of the, that was the scenario. Right. That was the scenario. Yeah. And I think there was something too. And you know, we went through this was they wanted to laugh a lot of the, the, the higher up the celebrity, sometimes they don't have is they're great actors because they don't have personalities to fill the void inside that they, they connect because there's nothing there to be. So they always want to be around a personality that's loud and fun. And, and then we just had a good time. That was good to play poker. And,

but all of us, we were family, man. I was just saying to, like, I remember September 11th happened. I called back home to make sure everybody was okay. And then I was like, I just cannot wait to get to the store tonight because we had to come together as a family. And that night, me, you, Ari, everybody came in and then other people that we hadn't seen in years. That's when Roseanne came down and dice. Like people came down because we just sat there. There was nobody in the audience. It's so funny how September 11th was on a Tuesday. And that Monday I was at the store and Paul Mooney came in and I was sitting watching Paul Mooney and Paul Mooney's talking about how

did I go let no nigga break the home run record? That's when it was the white dude and the black dude, McGuire and Sosa, McGuire and Sosa going for the home run record. And he kept saying they're gonna let that Negro break the record. I'm telling you something's gonna happen. Was it him or Barry Bonds? Barry Bonds. I'm sorry. It was Barry Bonds. Sosa's white now anyway. He kept saying they're not gonna let that little nigga break the home run record. And I'm in the back of the stage fucking howling. And he keeps saying this. He goes, you mark my words. This because that was the last week of the season or something like that. Something was going on. It was close to it. It was close to it. And he kept saying they're not gonna let that Negro

break the home run record. And it went into my head. I went home that night. I'm sleeping in the next morning. Terry's yelling, oh my god. Oh no. And I go, what's going on? She goes, they just tore down the first tower playing one into it. In my head, I heard Paul Mooney going, I'm telling you, they're gonna let that little nigga break the home run. Because all the games canceled that day. Look it up. Every game got canceled that day. I was dying a laughter. I'm like fucking Paul Mooney was right. They even blew up a building. So they wouldn't let that black man break the home run record. They want them. Did he wheel that year? It was Barry Bonds against the guy from St. Louis. Really? It was Mark McGuire. It was Mark McGuire. It was Mark McGuire.

Yeah, it was Mark McGuire. Did Barry Bonds break the record? I don't know. Let me check. You know, it was so funny how if you compare the store then to now, we were a tighter bunch back then. There were less of us for sure. We needed to be tighter because there was really nothing going on down there. You know, for people who listen to the podcast and all the other podcasts, we all talk about the store now. It's packed. At this time, the store was the number three club. Really? There was 10 people. There would be 80 on a Sunday, 30 on a Monday, eight on a Tuesday because it was black night in the main room. So white people got the word out. And the only people who would come in was if you laugh. The only people who would come in

was people who were next door at the hotel. I didn't know. If you had 10 people in the main in the original room on a Tuesday, 10 people, you would happy. I remember them holding off. It was four to start the show. And we, that you call. Yeah. Anybody there? One in an hour late. Yeah. So don't even worry about it. Yeah. We'd be after whatever. Wednesday nights, it'd be 35 people. Thursday nights, it'd be like 105. Yeah. You'd make money in your money night was Saturday and Saturday in the main room. Yeah, that was everything else was $15, but then we went through the, the no alcohol spell. Yeah, it was crazy. I had the liquor license. Paulie shore messed up the liquor license. So there was no alcohol at the store for

fucking seven weeks. People no alcohol till December 30th. Yeah. Cause they, they had December 30, not get in front of you think about going to the county store, eating a fucking gorilla biscuit. You go to the thing, you pay $20 and you got to drink fucking soda. I don't even think it was BYOB. No, no, no, you weren't allowed. No, no, for seven weeks, you had to sit at the fucking comedy store like a deaf mute fucking looking at eight comics and people hated it. And the font, there was so many little things going on. Like one, one of the nights I remember Holstman on stage and Vinny Favarito took a fart machine and hit the third row and we all sat in the back and every time he would hit the buzzer and fucking

Holstman started going, who the fuck is that? You got stomach problems. You're going to die. You're going to die. You're going to die. You need to go to the emergency room. You know, you didn't know when Missy Shaw was going to come down and that was like, oh, she would scare the fuck out of you. Here's what I remember. So just to know Lee, I came from the improv world. I was already, uh, I was like a split week headline. And when I first got to the store, not, or people would show up at the club and, and go, we don't know who she is, but we already have a sitter like out on the road. But when I get to the store and I get passed at the store, I'm meeting these guys and I don't, there are nobody that I've met on the road, but you realize that this was the place

where the energy was. This was the place where people were working. When you go to the improv, they were doing or the laugh factor, they were doing their seven minute showcase set. No industry came to the comedy store. No, it wouldn't even go. Even if they wanted to sign you, you go, I got to showcase at the store. Ew. Yeah. No, there's no food. There's no parking. So you don't go to the store. You could grow at the store at the store. And that's what Missy wanted. She wanted you to be able to try new material and grow. She wanted it like an artist colony. So I'll never forget that first night that I went to audition for her, right? And you were hosting. And I was already a little, like you know the story where Rick Messina had called me and said,

go down because she needs a chick for Night of a Thousand Guitos. And she didn't show up that night, whatever was going on. So the next week I came back and you were hosting again. And no one was paying attention to me. You were the only person who was nice to me. And I went on stage and I had a good set and Mitzi called me back. She was in the back and she made whoever was sitting next to her a med or whoever it was, get up. And she kind of held on to me for about 45 minutes while all these other people auditioned. And she would speak to me every once in a while, say something, you're good. You're real. This is going to be your home. I'm going to. And I got up out of that chair and all of a sudden I had all these new friends because everybody wanted to know what

Mitzi said. And then I stayed up all night and prayed and lit candles for her because I was afraid she was going to die before she told Tommy to put me on the line because I thought she was going to die. Well, you were there way before Tommy. Oh, maybe it was Duncan. Maybe it was Duncan. You're right. Maybe it was Duncan. Who was, I feel like there was somebody before. Yeah, that's who was Princess Corey. She was, what's his name? Freddie Soto. Freddie Soto. God rest his soul. Yeah, that was, we went through a lot together. That was, we really, I remember making a town, I am not a cook, but making Italian wedding soup, putting it together like a popper and bringing it down to the store so we could all have something to eat. You remember those days? I

remember breaking up with a boyfriend and I had like a few shirts that I was going to give him for Christmas. Sebastian and Brett, I'll tell you the story. And I pulled up and opened up the trunk and I was like, get what you guys want. Pick out because what was I going to do? I couldn't return them. I got them so everybody got a shirt and you know, we just, we made, we were like a, we were just like a ragtag bunch of, we were the bad news bears. How I became friends with Andrew was because of your husband. Yeah. Because your husband, Mitzi passed your husband and he used to take out a flamethrower on stage, a flamethrower lighter. He would put in that black jacket and he would take a flamethrower and light a cigarette and put it back in this

pocket. And he, he would say he was the second in command, the Gambino crime family. Luca was saying some crazy shit on stage. So one night Dice was down there and he walked past the thing and he looks at Luca and his fucking face turns red. And I didn't talk to Dice back then. Yeah, well, Dice was down there for about a year and I never said nothing to him, not a word, not a hello. He'd sit out there with his cousin and sit on the step on the step. And then, and I said, Dice would kidnap conversation. You kid, kill you. If you had a conversation, we used to have to have, God bless Andrew, but we used to have to have to have a signal for you to come rescue me from Dice. It was crazy. But at this time I did not talk to him. So one night at 1145, I just got on stage

and Dice is in the back arguing with Scott, Scott Day, that your husband Luca and Marina was stealing his spirit on stage. It's not fucking right. They got to go. I'm sitting there and I, you know, Dice inspired me who I do on stage is Dice. So I was feeling like pressured. And finally him and Scott arguing and I said, excuse me for a second, like, Andrew, I don't know you, but I go and somebody starts for the first three years. They emulate who their favorite comic is. It's just a natural thing. You'll have different things from Bill Hicks or maybe a yell likes Kenison. You emulate somebody else until you get your voice. And once your voice comes out, all that skin sheds. Like, you got to cut these guys in break. Plus they really were from Brooklyn

and New Jersey and Italian. And he's going off. He's like, no, fuck that. And you know what? I got my card in arguing him. I didn't want to start a fight on love dice. And then I fucking the next day he called my house and he goes, you were absolutely right. You know, I didn't even look at it that way. I go to form a flattery. Yeah. People are going to do it all the time. You know, I work at comics by the fucking Saturday. They're saying cocksucker. Why are you saying cocksucker? Don't say that. But it just comes natural. It's just a, you know, it's just a thing that when you people peel off on people, it's not the kids fault. It's just that you're trying to find your voice. Yeah. And that's how we became friends. But I always love Luca. When did you

and him get together? So I don't know if you know the story really, but the fact is, is I never dated comic. Right. No, you were anti-com. Because I didn't want anybody to ever say, oh, that's how she got that. And plus, I know guys, I mean, don't forget to date like athletes. I was, yeah, I was a high price. Yeah, you should have locked that down, picking you up in Maserati's and shit. Should have locked that stuff down before it was a fucking around. Now I'm living in Meadville, Pennsylvania, working at a mechanics garage. Baseball plan. Tammy wasn't fucking around. I was stealing the hearts and minds. But you know, I also would go on the road. And I knew that if I was in a condo, because I'd have to go on the road with two other dudes. Sometimes I didn't

know them. And I knew that if I dated one, that the other one'd be like, oh, yeah, I fucked her in it. And you didn't. But I could never be able to prove it like once that goes. So I decided I wouldn't date any comics and then figure it out from there. But then I met Luca through that stripper colony that I lived in. Do you remember when I lived in that stripper colony? No. You got to remember when I lived you came over my house for a couple of parties where I lived behind the dime on North Orange Grove and I lived in a six unit apartment building, right? And it was like me and this young upwardly mobile black attorney and four strippers in various stages of their careers. And I got really busy. That's when last comic came out. So and who else has Mondays off besides

comics strippers. So as long as I had money for dinner, I had friends. So I had different groups of the so and there was all I mean, I think they made me more of a girl, those strippers, because I was one of you guys. Like you said, I'm what was one of the guys. I was a dude. I was like Joe Polnicek, you know what I mean? I was scratching balls and everything basically. And they made me softer. You know, don't you remember the story? I said, Joey, this girl just you might have been high that time, but I know you know the story because I was moving into my apartment, right? And I'm struggling and I'm trying to get this thing and then this girl, this beautiful girl comes walking up the driveway and she sees me struggling and she doesn't

help me nothing. She got this bag and all of a sudden this guy comes in the driveway and he's like, Hey, where are you going? And she throws her bag at me. And I'm like, What the shit here? She was like, Oh, I'm helping her move. I don't know this girl, but I'm who I am. So I just kind of went, Oh, yeah. Hey, how you doing? She went off with her boyfriend and left the bag with me when she came back. I didn't even open it because I don't $10,000 in cash because she had went with some shake. Remember the shakes that used to invite people over? And I told you, I told you, you said, I would have taken that motherfucker. I would have taken off. Don't ever if there's a bag in your house, call me. I'll fucking open it for you. Yeah. So anyway, one of the strippers

upstairs was dating his roommate. And they were on the phone. She was on the phone with this dude. I didn't know. And she said, What are you? What are you and Luca doing? And I said, Is that Luca Polanca from the comedy store? Because I had never really met him. I was, he went home to be with his father who was dying and I was busy. And and then that was it. But I came to you guys and said, when it got, I'm like, I'm dating him. What do you think? And you're like, he's a good dude. He's a good dude. He's a sweetheart. Always a sweetheart. Yeah. Always trying to get you in a movie. Like the last conversation I had with him, he had a camping movie with the chick who played Patreal. Yeah, yeah. Jackie, April's wife. Sharon Angela. And he had something. He always had

something fucking cooking. You know what I'm saying? Whether it came up or not, it didn't matter because he was always hustling, you know, and then you guys got married or you guys just left. But I knew you, I saw you on different calendars. Yeah, you're always on different. You were still on the road and stuff like that. Yeah. You know what else I was thinking about? I've always been one of those guys that when I get on stage, there's really nice comics that come up to me and say, Hey, you should throw a tag on this. Do you remember the story telling Pescatelli? So for years, I wouldn't take tags. And one night I'm up there killing and I get on stage and Tammy goes, why don't you say, oh my God, oh my God, why are you so fat? What am I cutting the coke with

butter? And I didn't say it for like a week or two. And then one night I said it and it got a laugh. I forgot all about it. I was dying and I needed something to get me out of it. And I'm saying the joke now. You know, you know how I do material. Yeah. Sometimes I do it. Sometimes I don't. Yeah. Just and you'll come to me afterwards and say, you forgot to say that. I know. Wait, don't remind me. I was using a joke like that. And one night I'm at the store and I don't know anybody. And I'm doing the joke when I get off stage an hour later. Monty Hoffman, God rest his soul. God rest his soul comes up to me. Like he wasn't, he's not wasn't in his right mind. He wasn't mad at this time. He was, he goes, Hey, I just want to tell you that I was doing that joke for a

long fucking time. And I hope you didn't see me and steal it. I go, first of all, if you know anything about me, I'm not a joke thief. I go, I didn't steal it from you. And I didn't say your name or nothing. I just didn't use it. I just said, you know what, that's what I get for using a tag. Yeah. But I didn't see him and see, I didn't even know him until two years later. So, so now six months later, I'm at the improv and he comes up to me out of nowhere on a Sunday night. Guys, this is when this is when you called me. Don't come up to me, bro. Listen, I'm the type of guy that I'm a great guy. I love, but don't come out of me out of somewhere, especially in public. He comes at me yelling, falling from the mouth. And what do I do to dethrone him? I just

spit in his fucking face. I spit in his face. And now they got to hold him back. And I just point like, nobody held me back. They go, get the fuck away from me. And the next time I break your fucking shoulder or something. I mean, this is when I was doing, dog, I was doing major league coke. I was at the end. I was a little pissed off. I wasn't in the mood for fucking games. Nothing was happening for me. And this is the last thing I need is this fucking moron telling people I stole this fucking joke from 20 fucking years ago. The guy was old and I got it. But the night he came and I spit in his face, like two weeks later, I find out the guy's got cancer. And then I got to feel bad about it. He had brain cancer. So he was making bad choices.

He was saying, I didn't know he had brain cancer. No, who did? Nobody fucking knew. So you know, that night he came up to me, he was saying some pretty fucked up shit. And especially after I spitting his fucking face, he even went fucking crazy. So I go somewhere one night and there he is with two goons. But the problem was the two goons he had, I saw around town at different auditions for mafia stuff. And the two goons were goons, but paper goons from looking on their eyes. I could tell they were weak. Yeah, paper. He must have told him who I was, but not what I looked like or whatever. And when the two guys saw me, they kind of like didn't know how to really approach it. Like they were like, do we? Or are we getting ourselves? Oh, yeah. It got into a bad position.

I walked in, I kept it together. I go, if they come into my space, I'm fucking them all up. Like I'm just attacking all three of them. I was still on coke. I would hit them with a bottle. I'd do whatever the fuck. I didn't give a fuck. I was taken like in the words of my brother, Luz, you guys might be stronger than me, but I'm taking something. I'm taking something with me. So I went, I did it. And then I got a call from my agent and she goes, you got up. And this was when I was with the comedy agency. That lady was Spanish and she had Trejo and the other dude. Who's our friend, Emilio Rivera? She had them both and she was like my sub agent. So she calls me up and then she's like, Adam's family call for you. You're doing the new fucking whatever movie.

And I don't even want to repeat what it says on the side. So I'm like, okay, it's show on a Saturday morning. I get there on Saturday morning. Who's there? Monty Hoffman with the two goons. Hysterical. So I had to grab Nick Swanson and tell him, listen, I'm going to tell you this just so you know, I had beef with Monty and he brought those two dudes. If it goes down, it's going to go down in here. That probably got you to park. I went and got like a pipe and hit it behind my trailer. And then my line, my scene was with Monty. I had to sit next to Monty. I had to walk in with Don Johnson and then take a seat next to Monty. And we had to make believe like we were friends and shit. It was fucking cruel. And then

I left. Nothing happened with the two dudes. The two dudes were looking at me to see if I would make a move. And I would just look at them both and keep walking. And then I already died. I didn't know it was that deep. Now what if you remember though, it wasn't when you got off stage, we were talking in the parking lot and you were saying, I can't lose any weight. I'm doing blow all the time. I'm you go, I'm shitting all the time. I'm doing blow it, blow it out. I can't, I can't lose it. And I go, well, what are you cutting it with butter? And then you go, I'm going to use that. And I'm like, okay. That's what it was. That's what it was. It wasn't butter. Yeah. So it wasn't, I never saw him. I don't know Monty Hoffman. You know,

did he ever call you? He did call because he called the night after the improv and he was like, he said that you gave it to him. And I said, I don't know. We were talking. I don't know that we were trying to, but I go, if Joey says I gave it to him, I gave it to him because I'm not stolen from you, bro. Yeah, like, yeah, I said, if, if Joey says I gave it to him, I gave it to him. Joey's not going to just say that. Joey's not going to, you know, and I go, but Monty, that if that's a joke, it's not. Nobody spits in my face. He kept saying nobody spits in my face. I just did. I just did. Now get the fuck away from me. Three guys were holding them. The management, the improv told me to get on stage, not to get on stage. I go, listen, I didn't do

anything. Did you see my hands get raised? Did you see anything happen? No. I'm going on stage. I spit when I talk. He came over. I fucking, he tried to accuse me and I caught him right in the face in the mouth. He was wiping it and spitting it out of his mouth. It was, it was fucking hilarious, but God rest his soul. Meanwhile, I'm at home. I don't even know anything. I don't even know this stuff. You know, the store at that time was tough. It was tough. For sure. You were angry. You know, you were getting bumped every night by Eddie, Dice, all of us. Yeah. Gary Shanley. I didn't go on for two and a half hours. You were frustrated. You know, you're frustrated. You, you have a right at one point. You were frustrated. I still remember

Steve, but it's easy frustrated or everybody in comedy at one point says, what the fuck am I doing with my life? But guess what? I'm already at the store. Yeah. Yeah. I'm already here, but this is where I always get mad. And I think sometimes it comes on me a little bit more because I'm a woman. Uh, like, well, someone will say that you're jealous of someone else's success. Not is not how we were brought up. Our group of friends, our click, every time somebody got something, we would celebrate it. I remember coming after my first tonight show, watching it out front, all of us together. Bobby Lee, we'd get together, watch mad TV out there. We, we supported each other. It was hopeful for us. Like I said, slave were never upset when one got

away. That's how it was for us. When someone busted through that line and had some success, we were always happy for them. Nobody was jealous because we were all in that team together, I think. I mean, I don't know what goes on now. I think now, because a lot of the people aren't, you know, grinding every night. They're social media comics. They're, they're coming through. So maybe there is jealousy. They don't, didn't have a camaraderie that we had. I still have my camaraderie with a couple of people at the store. I still, I'm going down there tonight. I'm excited. Yeah. Well, I don't mean just a store. I mean, comedy in general, too. Comedy in general is always going to have complainers. You're always going to have people who felt, you know, people will tell themselves

anything to make themselves feel better. Yeah, for sure. Okay. If, if you want to tell me that you didn't have a career because Rodney Dangerfield took your career away because you were doing Rodney impersonations, if that's what makes you feel good, right? Then say it. If you want to say that Joey Diaz fucking got you thrown out of the store and you can't now you can't have a career. That's what makes you feel good. You're going to say it. None of those things ever made me feel good. The only thing that made me feel good was knowing I did the work. Well, comedy solo. So really nobody else has any influence on you. You know what I mean? It's like, you're in that ring by yourself. Like that's, it's on you. That's why I think we related a lot to, I think when the mix,

martial arts, that's the other thing you and I and Joe always blinded on because if you remember, like Pat Militich was a friend of mine and a trainer for me for a while and we were, that's when the UFC started. We were all, we were all part of that. We all went to those fights when they first were starting. It was, it was hard. The UFC has done what the comedy store has done. Like it's become commercial. Like, and that's great. You love to see the growth of that. But we related to that because it's just one on one. If you fail, you fail. It's not the audience's fault. It's not the other comics fault. If you, if you succeed, that's on you. Like, that's your credit. You've worked hard for that, you know? It was just a different time, you know?

What do you think it is about comedy that either like you guys are best friends that like, like closer than family or you're beating each other? Like it seems a little weird. I don't know if any other industry has that. Maybe they do, but like, what about comedy does that? Man, I've said it a thousand times. As a fan, as a comic, as a human being, there's comics you're not gonna like and there's comics that you like. Okay. There's people that you like and there's people that you don't like. Yeah. And I'll tell you something else. There's a big difference. And here's the difference now versus then. I think this is my opinion. Granted, I'm old. I'm 25 years. I'm a monologist. You have to figure out if you want to be a comic

or you want to be famous. That's it. We didn't necessarily want to be famous. We wanted the respect of other comics. I wanted to be a comic. I wanted to be a comic. That's one of my problems is that I never thought past being a comedian, right? I never thought, oh, I should, I never made moves that would have helped my career. I made moves sometimes that hurt my career because they weren't genuine. You just wanted, I wanted the comics to respect me. I figured if I get my friends to respect me. That's all you need. That was good enough. Nobody was giving me nothing. Yeah. I was only a regular at the store. The lab factory didn't want me in there. Yeah. And the improv would give me a spot once a week. If that, the black show, the Latino show, something. I didn't,

I was sleeping in my car. You know, I was living off of Ralphie May in the little apartment. All of us were all fucking giving each other whatever we could. It was like, oh, you were in a gang, but not really. My balloon busted when the Joe Rogan thing went down. That's when my balloon busted as far as me thinking I was part of something. I always thought I was part of a big picture. I always thought that I look at Tammy. It's like where I grew up. I don't have to explain nothing to you, Tammy. Yeah. I walk in the door and I take the grab a bet and you take the jacket and we go. I don't have to tell you a reason. You know in your heart that if you smack somebody in the fucking head, it's, they got a world worth it. That's how I was raised. The 3 a.m. friend. That's

it. You know, did you watch dirt? Yes, I did watch dirt. When he hits that dude with the guitar, smash him around the face. And that's the one just look at him. And then he looks at you. This is what life is about. This is what made me, I stuck a prancing Balzano in the eighth grade and the next thing you know, it was an Italian's house and they were calling me our favorite spick and I was eating pasta. You learned to stick up for people. Regardless of what happens to your career, whatever. I'll take the knife. That's the best scene ever in that movie that Ben, that's the best thing that Ben Affleck ever did in that movie. No, it's the other one where he's a bank robber and he looks at the town. He walks in and he goes, we got to go do something. Some

people are going to get hurt. We may get in trouble. And his friend looks at him and he goes, I'm in. Let's just go like that. I can't tell you why. When the Rogan thing went down, it disillusioned me for a long time. That was a big, that was a big, those two, three years. You mean when they said don't come back after the Carlos? Because I went to him first and I go, something's going on here. That's no bueno. Something's going on here. That's not right. Tommy, something's not right. And when he was doing that tour with Eddie Murphy's brother, John Efron and Tom Segura, they were talking bad about Rogan at the store. Tommy and all those guys were saying, when he gets back, he's not going to do 40 minutes no more on Friday nights. And you have to come to

the facts at that time. It was Rogan who was keeping those doors open on Friday night. For sure. He was the only one of us that was drawing. That's right. I remember the night he got, do you remember the night that he got Fear Factor? We were all in the back celebrating because it was one of those nights and nobody was there and all of us were in the back and just running. Yeah. We were talking about Sebastian before. We were a group where Sebastian didn't even talk. My wife tells stories about Sebastian and his shirts, how he would come from the four seasons and meticulous and he would have cologne on and he would hang by himself. He wouldn't say two words. We would go watch him and he would be up there stiffer than a board and look at him today. Yeah. Look at him today. Yeah.

And his dress pants. I know it was fun. What about, what about, do you remember the time that, do you remember how they used to do the Playboy charity show? And it was once a year and we do a big charity show in the main room. In the main, no, I don't think so. Yeah. Well, they used to do this charity show. It was just all these people would pay to golf and a charity thing and then they'd come to the store and so the next day they had a party at the Playboy mansion and everybody wanted to go, but only me and Eleanor and like two of the waitresses could go because they didn't want any dudes to go. All right. And you don't remember the story, Joey, when the one girl tried to fight me and kicked me off the trampoline, this little, that's how I got all those jokes about

the girls that they're mean because they're hungry, you know, because of the tiny little one. And she literally, I tell this in my act, but in real life, she kicked me off the trampoline and I fell down and like slid down the hill. And it's a reason, I'm the reason why they got rid of the trampoline at the Playboy mansion because he was afraid. I never sued anybody in my life, but he was afraid, but I couldn't walk for three days. Do you know, and it's a, it's a true story. All this stuff is a blur. Yeah. Well, you guys were making fun of me because I couldn't walk. I still wouldn't miss my spots, but I'm like, I fell off the trampoline at the Playboy mansion. And then the joke in my act is true from what you guys said. I go, no one believes you when you

can't walk after going to a party at the Playboy mansion. It has anything to do with the trampoline accident. So yeah, we had so much fun. I used to go to the Playboy mansion to do shows with the fucking crazy dude on the radio. I don't know. He's still on the radio. He's on the internet. He would do a yearly Playboy. Like us. Like us. And I got to tell you something. I think I went to the Playboy mansion twice. I couldn't wait to get the fuck out. It was so dirty. And everything I did, I went home and showered both fucking. And I remember telling friends of mine, like from Jersey, I went to the Playboy mansion and I ran out of there. Yeah. I ran out of there. I even got invited when I was in the longest yard that year because we were shooting in Halloween.

He came to the set with 20 girls one day. Yeah. He goes, you're all invited to my Halloween party if you want to come. So it was a special longest yard bus and you had to meet somewhere and go to a bird. Yeah. And then they drove you up. You couldn't bring your car. Yeah, you can't just go. And I was like, I wouldn't get on that fucking bus if you paid me. And people go, you had the chance to go to the Playboy mansion and you're not going to go not in a million years. Both times I went, it was fucking filthy to me. Like I just felt. Yeah. And something just came out about it the other day. The grotto probably had HIV or something in it. No. They just, they found tapes of what something happened. Something recently was discovered about the Playboy mansion.

We, the thing is, is that the stories from the store back in our day, we had all like, I feel like we were a bunch of neighborhood kids. That's what we were. You know, we were a bunch of neighborhood kids. They say it's haunted. Well, that's for sure. And we cheered for one another. With the unborn children that got taken out by code. But, but what we had opportunities that when I would, I stopped calling home to tell people what happened to me because they didn't believe me. You know what I mean? Like they, first of all, they were already thrilled that when I would say I was friends with Dom Ireira, they'd be like, Oh my God, you know, Dom Ireira. And, and Dice, I'm trying to get away from Dice in the back thing. And then Eddie Murphy comes in

and you know, Mitzi's showing me home movies of Richard Pryor and Sam Kinnison. And you just could, the opportunities and the things that we had were unbelievable because we're probably that last generation that got a piece of the legend. You know, I got a big piece there. Yeah. And it's funny her death has changed me a little bit at the store, especially my attitude. Her death, me and the dick on the Netflix taping and her death made me a different comic. I didn't see that. It made me go back to the store religiously like now I'm just a store comic. I'm not interested in your fucking room anywhere else. Okay. I'm just going to the store. All right. I want to sharpen the fucking knife. That's where you have to go. Yeah.

Life is to, you have to follow Ali Wong and Delia and Rogan and fucking Ron White and fucking, you know, you don't really know what your life is, you know, and I decided I wanted to keep my comedy up at that level for me to keep at that level to go on the road and fucking lay mother fuckers out. I got to go to the store because I had, I had that my act at the improv and you adapt your act at the laugh actor because it's not accepted to go off the way you go off in the original room. Right. You know, that's what Missy sure taught me. That's what she wanted. That's why she turned us into the soldiers that we are today. Yeah. That's why she picked us not for us to pussy foot, PC it, none of that shit. She didn't believe in none of that. No.

That's why she ran that place like she ran it. So the only thing I could do now is 56. I got nothing to lose. I was looking for a job when I found this one. Right. You know what I'm saying? I was looking for a job when I found this one. I'm not 40. I got a sag pension, whatever I want, because I worked all those years because I had the same problem you had. Half. You were fighting at war fighting. I dropped out a little bit and said they're not going to pick. I knew my fate. I didn't lie to myself. I said, I'm never going to go to Montreal. I'm never going to do tonight show. I'm never going to do let them in. I knew all these things, but I'm a regular at the store. Yeah. Yeah. So just because I'm not a fucking army ranger,

I'm still a fucking Marine. Yeah, it was great what you guys did. You went around that like I would have to try to be clean to do the tonight shows and those all those things happen. I knew that all that stuff wasn't going to happen. So I went to movie route. Yeah, that's great. I started booking movies and TV shows. I knew because when I moved here, they told you get a TV show and you felt like it's on the weekend. When I got it, it changed. I'm always the next person and then to get it. Me too. I'm always the person I lose to the I lose to the person who gets the part. Like I don't, I don't audition much. I mean, I think in 25 years, I've had less than a hundred auditions and people who don't understand in show business, that's nothing, you know? And I think

I've come close to having the part. I've gotten about five of those parts, maybe 10. And I think I probably come close about 60 sometimes. What made you leave? What made you once you had your son? Yeah, because I needed him to do real truth. The real truth is that at that time, when I was pregnant, I make my living on the road. I knew that that's the only thing I can control, right? Like, and there was nobody to show me that that had been done. Now Allie's doing specials pregnant, Amy's doing specials pregnant. But when I said I was pregnant, my agent said to me, I have never seen a pregnant woman on stage. You better not tell anybody, no one's going to want to book you. You're not with him no more. Yeah, for sure. Fucked up. Well, he fucked up. I stayed

with him. Well, that's when I said to him, I go, apparently you've never been to a really bad strip club. Like I was like, but it was, I knew that that's what I could control. I mean, there had been people at other levels, even now with Amy and Allie, when they have their, they have kids, they're at a better level than I was when I was pregnant. You know what I mean? Like, I'm a road dog. I'm at the club Thursday through Saturday. What am I going to do with the kid? And then literally a man, I'm not bullshitting you. A man walked by me, I was sitting outside the doctor's office waiting for Luca to get there and a man walked by me in a three-piece suit, a briefcase and a superman cape. And I was like, we got to get the fuck out of here.

This is ridiculous. How did, how did we just let, you know, why not go back home to Cleveland? No, we went to New York. We went to New York and we moved in one attached house to my mother-in-law who at the time was insane, insane. I went on the road one day, she sold my furniture, threw it away, not sold it. She got new furniture through mine away. I had to go buy it back from the guy next door. I mean, cause she got, she thought her furniture was better than mine. She changed my son and I know this is like mom shit, but I, she changed his formula, stuff you don't do to other people's, you know, just, it was hard to stay in New York for three weeks, six, yeah, three, yeah. Cause I was like, look, we, I said to my husband, um, we had this house in

Pennsylvania. I was like, I'm going there. If you want to grow up and be a husband and a father, you can show up over there. If you don't stay here with your mother and I'll be, I will figure out custody and it took him a couple of days, but he showed up, but I was like, what made you buy that house in Pennsylvania? Um, I thought I was going to let my parents live there. I thought they were going to, cause everybody was all separated. My brother's one place and my one brothers were in this town and I had friends. It's a back to the future town. It looks cute. I always want, I always wanted out of a small town, but I always kind of liked that small town living kind of like Pittsburgh or Philly Pittsburgh. Really? Yeah. So I get in the car like I had,

I had to get here on Thursday. I get in the car at 2 30 in the morning cause it's an hour and a half to Pittsburgh. I get up at 2 30 and get in the car at three. I get to the airport, maybe two hours to the airport, depending on the weather. And I'd be there an hour early, catch the flight. And so like when I missed my spot at the store, that's cause I'd been up 24 hours by the time it's 11 30 over here. I'm up 24 hours, but it's no direct flights here from Pittsburgh. No, there are, but not on my airline. And I fly so much. I gotta stick to it. What airline has a direct life in Pittsburgh? I think something like Spirit Airlines or American Airlines. You can't fly Spirit. Yeah, I'm not flying that. I'm not a cheerleader and I'm not an alcoholic. So there's

only one airline that flies direct. American used to have one. Yeah, everywhere. After September, they would have one, one flight a day direct. Yeah, but I try to stay with Delta cause you try to just keep your sanity. Plus, you know, don't say that to Tom Rhodes. So fucking that way. I know. No, no, no, they made it right with Tom. They made it right with Tom. They made it right with Tom. You did always podcast and like they made all of Laurie's fans when I'm Delta and they made it right. They made it right. And, and they've been doing stuff like if I get an upgrade, a first class upgrade, I will, uh, I'll trade and I see that they have an active military. I will trade it out with that military cause you know, the military buys seats for their, their people,

but they're usually those ass in your face back by the, that don't even tilt by the, the restroom. So I'll trade with them and give them the first class ticket and, uh, Delta found that out and started saying that if I had a companion and I would say that the military person was my companion, they would, they would allow them to have a first class seat. So they're trying to do the right thing. Good for you, Tammy. I'm working it. Man, well, you know, you gotta work it, Tammy. Well, I did 13. You are so tourist. Those were crazy stuff. Don't they remember the time that I went over, I told, do you remember the time I was so scared because there was a guy that I had worked with on the road that banged a retarded girl for real. Lee, you don't know what the

shit people did. I've seen some sick shit. I've seen people do blow off a sonogram. There's some sick shit that I've seen and this dude had banged a retarded girl and it cost me $17 a minute on my bag phone to hold it up to the club owners. Cause I was like, can I go stay somewhere else? I don't want to hear this anymore. And, um, and when I asked him why he did it, cause he was married, he said, uh, cause who's going to believe her. Right. Right. So you don't see him and years go on and you don't run into him on the road. I was a feature act back then. Then I go to go overseas. I'm going to Kuwait, Iraq. It's right after September 11th. That's when it was quote unquote war time. It's June of 2001. And they go, they go, uh, uh, the other guy

that you were with fell out and here comes this motherfucker. That's the only thing I could say off the plane. And I'm like, Oh shit, I'm going to die because this guy's karma is so bad. I wouldn't sit next to him when we would be on the military plane. I'm like, it's going to go down. He's been banging retard a girl. So his wife wouldn't know they're good. We're going to get hit with a scud missiles. We're going to try to go come to a comedy show. Yeah. Yeah. She came to, she was, you couldn't tell she just kind of looked slow, you know, but you knew something was wrong. She was in pajamas for God's sake. Like he knew there were people in a chair. He knew what was going on. I, this is what happened. I left the show and I said, do you need to ride back to the

condo? And he was like, no, I'm okay. And I was thinking, what a nice guy he is. Cause he's spending time with this group, these kids that, you know, I had said hello to the wheelchair. Like, you know, he was, I thought, wow, he must be a nice guy. And, uh, I was first time I ever met him and I get back to the condo and I'll not forget because it was dial up, you know, when you had to have dial up and I'm on the computer. I'm in the, in the living room and he comes in and I was like, how, oh, you had a good show. And all of a sudden this girl comes behind him. And I thought, what, and she sat right next to me and she'd never seen the computer. And she's like, what are you doing? What are you, and he's down the hallway and he says, I see him and I look kind of look and make

eye contact. And he says, come here. And I start to get up thinking he's going to say, I'm sorry. I don't know. I'm a decent human being. So I thought a normal conversation was going to be had like, oh, she just needed a ride or blah, blah. He goes, no, you. And he pointed to her. And then the most God awful, pig fucking grunting, noisy, slurpy sounds you ever want to hear in your life. And I'm sitting there. It's already awkward. If somebody else is having sex and you hear it and you're in the living room, but I know what's going on. I know this dude is married. I know that this girl is slow. And I literally, I have this bag phone and I call the, the, you know, Colleen Colleen Quinn from the Omaha funny bone. I call her. And this is what bonded us. I go,

I go, listen, I go, now this is a different day. This is 98. I go, he's fucking a retard. Get me out of this condo. Come get me. Let me see at your house. I'll sleep on the couch. I'll sleep on your porch. Just get me out of this condo. I'm not staying. And then when I, when he showed up in Iraq, I was like, I'm going to die. I'm just going to die because his karma is so bad that something bad is going to happen to us. And thank God I made it out of there. And you still believe you are so towards stuff? Domestically. Domestically. Well, they're everywhere. You go to Huntsville, Alabama, you go anywhere.

Lots of Alaska stuff. They're all in Alaska. You go, you go up there where they have secret information. Yeah. We just got to do our own. We got to do our own guy that used to ball me from the college. Scott Kennedy. Remember Scottie Kennedy? No, God rest his soul. God rest his soul. Is that who got you in? No, that he did his own. He did his own. But there was another guy that would come to, when I first got to the store, the first two or three years, 97 to maybe 2001, there were people went down. There was one guy who used to book Rotterdam. Yes, I went and I went to that show. I did that show. Do the Thursday. And then Friday you do Amsterdam and it's sold out. And you come back on Saturday,

stop me at the fucking Kennedy Airport. And they were like, man, you can't go. No. And me, Jessica Kersen and Mike, I can't think of Mike. Remember that at the store? Yeah, I did. It was kind of like what are you doing in two weeks? You got a passport? Yeah, you're going to Amsterdam. Yeah, you're going to Amsterdam. That's how fast it was. No drama, no paperwork, no fucking tape, nothing. He would just see you at the store. And then there was another guy. And it was creepy too. I'm like, is this slavery? Like, I don't know what this is. Yeah, it was cool. It's not the contract. Yeah, but you didn't know if it was real, like until, and that was the good news. Like somebody went, I forgot who went first.

He had to call you long distance or something. Somebody went first and made it okay for us, because it seemed creepy. Like, I'm like, we're going to get over there and nobody's coming back. So much weed. This guy told me a bunch of stories. I'm going to take it to a cafe where you could drink the THC and the coffee. Yeah. I mean, he was just like, my head was going to blow up. I'm like, oh, I said, and I remember saying, I'll never forget saying to Ari, I go, it's going to be like that movie, The Game, where they're bringing us over there to hunt us. Like your people, you think you're going to do comedy and they're just going to let you run and try to shoot you. This is what this is. Yeah, that's right. We do the TV show

rather than you ever got a copy of it. Never. There's so much shit that we did that I don't have. I did The World Stands Up in London. I remember going all those places by myself, being miserable, because you think it's all glamorous, but you're by yourself going everywhere. And you can't even take pictures of stuff. I have these great pictures. I remember showing my son these pictures of all these great places, but you're not in them, because it's not, there were no, they tried to take a selfie, be your eyeball off to the side. Like you could never line that camera up. Yeah. She just took one out and I was always watching that episode of Narcos on the plane. She took out one of those thin ones that you said. Yeah, the 110. Yeah,

remember the Flash Cube? You had to have a cube. Crazy. How long have you been doing comedy for now? 25 years. Don't you think I should have a better career by now? No. You look good. Oh, you have a child. You're married. Yeah, yeah. You're not strung out on drugs. You didn't fuck 80 comics. You didn't, you know, there's no bad footage. You never said nothing wrong. You prove yourself at the store. I mean, you have had a tremendous career. Listen, there's a lot of women, bro, that they're ovaries call. Once the ovaries come calling, a woman, there's not much she could do. I'm not a sexist. I'm not a sexist pig. I'm just telling you the truth. I've been around comedy for so long that you see these women that are

gung-ho, gung-ho, gung-ho fight, fight, scratch, toot the nail, toot the nail. They meet a guy. Yeah. Well, that's what it was about. A ruse to get a man. Then they stop, you stop saying them. The guy's like a writer. Yeah. He doesn't want her out doing comedy. He knocks her up. They have the kid you bumped into in a commercial audition eight years later. When she's divorced and going back to comedy. Or she's telling you that, you know, whatever. So I understand the ovaries. I understand the need for a woman to come out and be herself. I mean, how many condos can you stay at and balls? Can you smell the, you're in a condo with two men. Yeah. They're feeder out. Well, I got pregnant by accident.

I didn't get, I mean, God bless and my son's not going to watch this, but eventually one day I'll tell him. But I remember I was in Montreal and I called Luca. How long were you dating Luca before you? Two and a half years. Really? Yeah. So we were living together and we were talking about a future and we were, you know, but I just wasn't that, obviously, I wasn't that girl who wanted to get married. That wasn't my thing. You were a comic. You were a comic. Yeah, the ovaries hadn't called yet. Yeah, no. And I thought I couldn't picture doing this the way I did it with the kid, because I know what I wanted, what standards I have for a child. Right? Like I'm not a filth. I knew I needed to take care of that kid. If I had a TV show or something, I could have seen

popping the kid out. I would have planned it, but not on the road. Like what am I going to, I couldn't figure it out. So, but I was in Montreal. I'll never forget this. And, you know, everybody goes out till four or five o'clock in the morning in Montreal that we go crazy in Canada, all the comics. And I was going to bed like 130 and Dom was calling me going, it's won't come out. So-and-so is here. So-and-so is here. And I'm like, and I said, I called Luca and I said, I think I'm, I think I'm either pregnant or I'm dying. I don't know what's going on. But something is wrong with me. And I flew in and I got a test. And, and he got all excited and I was crying. It was like the opposite of like regular life, you know, how people usually dudes are like, oh shit, what are we going

to do? And women are excited. I was like, I was crying because I just couldn't understand. I was 15 years of comic. Like what's going to happen? You know, it was just different. It's just different time. I, and I still don't know how it balances out. I still lose time with my son, but I do the best I can by everybody, you know? I have sat here for 22 years and saw comics destroy careers, destroy marriages and destroy themselves. I saw it. You know, I've seen it. We could sit here for hours and tell you. Yeah. When I walked in that day and Terry told me I knocked her up, I was ready to jump off a bridge. I didn't know what to think. You know, we would just start the podcast, maybe. Yeah, like a year into it or something. Yeah, I was doing it with Felicia,

I think, or we were doing it already. Yeah, you finished it with Felicia. Yeah, we'd sort of, uh, I just didn't know what to expect. And I remember telling her at the habit when she was eight months pregnant that I don't know what you're going to expect from me as a man. I don't know what even to give you at this age. I'm trying to be a fucking comic. Yeah. But the truth of the matter is at that time, Terry's income was fucking keeping us in pork chops. Yeah. You know, I was making a little money, but it was her income together that we were putting the pieces together. I had, because of the drug addiction, I had major loans. I had a loan that was six 30 a month for six years before child support, before rent. Yeah, I was six 30 every month. You know, crazy.

All right, let's do it. And now you have all these opportunities. And it's like I turned them down to be with my daughter. Yeah. I don't know. I don't want to fuck the kid walking around Hollywood. No, I don't want my kid at the county store in 20 years, you know, unless they want to be, right? Yeah. Yeah. I don't want her looking for answers. Yeah. That's why I write in the log for her every other day. Oh, dude, that's good. You have to because if I die, I want her to hear it from the horse's fucking mouth. Oh, that's awesome. Not to hear it from somebody else's fucking mouth. You know, I have never like, look, I never thought I was like, I never thought I was a legend. Really? Do you want another one? I never thought I was great. I never thought of that. But I will

say this, that my comedy has never been better. Yes. Because all the fluff is taken off. I realized that prior to having these two men in my life, you know, my husband and my son, I, that's all I had was stand up. That was my life. I would talk at people at night. That's why we were such a good family because we saw each other. We could physically see each other. I now don't care. I don't care about fame. I need people to know me enough to buy tickets to come to my show. I work around if I when I this one made me lose my agent this that I worked around it. My priority is taking care of my family. And now that even means my parents, you know what I mean? My priority is taking care of them. Comedy is the beautiful thing that allows me to take care of

them. So I use it for what it's supposed to be. And I've never been funnier. And my perspective is clear. And I think I've never, I've never known who I am more as I sit here this moment. So that translates on stage. I appreciate when people come and I get to do 45 minutes an hour and take them out of their life because I get it. I got to get out of my problems too. You know, it's a couple of weeks ago, they had a thing that the New York Times put David Tell is the best club comic. Yes, I saw that. And for a long time, until about a year ago, Dave was kind of struggle on the road numbers wise. And I remember saying it on the podcast going guys, just because somebody doesn't have a podcast or somebody isn't good on social media, doesn't mean that they're not a great

comedian. Right. I go, a lot of these comics are on the not on the they're not selling tickets, but that doesn't mean there's still not deadly comics. You're a deadly comic. Jimmy Schubert's a deadly comic. The Amarera is a deadly comic. There's comics that just because they don't have a podcast doesn't mean you're not going to go support them. You might have a better time at their fucking shows than when you have a my show with a podcast. No, not your show. But but there's that's the truth that you guys never stopped. You never stopped. No, you can't say I was pregnant. Comedy store trained. Comedy store trained. That's like, you know, you had intimate conversations with Mitzi. Sure. She told you what she expected from you. She would tell you.

She sometimes she'd tell you something that was put the handcuff on and come out like Fidel Castro. She was like, come out with a glass of wine and just be like, you're a little drunk. But do you remember when she got upset? I'll never forget this. I wasn't getting spots for a while. Like I've been like two years and I was I was regular spots, you know, us we and because nobody was there, Lee, like we got spots every so you could get two spots a night if you wanted sometimes like you got spots every single night. You say, okay, what are you home and you got it every single night? She for a while wasn't giving me spots. We're trying to figure it out. And I remember Duncan were just why she wouldn't give me spots. And she thought I was that other Italian

girl that Julia Rossi. Do you remember her? She got confused for a little bit. And because she had two it's out. She had two of everything. Right. What does Eleanor say? It was like Noah's Ark or something. And she thought I was Julia Rossi for a little bit. And then I don't know who sat her down to tell her maybe Eleanor and said, no, no, that's Tammy. That's not you're getting confused. Oh, I mean, no, Tammy, I never I always give comics the respect they deserve. I love watching like I love going to the store and getting an eye and sitting there in the back where Mitzi used to sit and watching the art of comedy. And nobody stops getting funny. They get funnier. Yeah, for sure. And when you go on stage, you get funnier. Yeah. You know, you said that you were dropping

DVD late next year, special about the year. Yeah. But coming up in a few weeks, May 3rd, you're dropping out a CD. Yeah. It's throwback Tammy. Yeah. On iTunes. Yeah, iTunes. It'll be, you know, Pandora, whatever you want to, however you want to get it, I don't even know. Probably my uncles have it copied in the trunk, you know, that kind of stuff. Tammy, it's, I'm happy you reached out or whatever to get you on the podcast. I was dying to see you're the first one of all our group. And it made me so happy. And I said, of course, you were my intro to the store. You would be the first one, you know, what do you think about Brenner and speed and the Cleveland? I love it because he's only an

hour and a half away. My son calls him Uncle Brett. Yeah, we're going to have some good times. We're going to have some good times. Yeah, that's all of it. How's the winter by you? What's even worse though, you want to know what I really, you know what I'm going through now more than anything is that my relatives are saying to me, Sebastian is my favorite comedian. I'm like, fuck you. I love Sebastian too, but how dare you tell me that he's your favorite comedian? But and then I went, I'm like, I get it. I get it. You got to bow down to it. Let me tell you something, man. I had 20 friends that called me when Sebastian was at the garden looking for tickets and my feelings did not get it. No, of course not. I told you, I was there

crying. So how you did look ago with you? No, he's not always going. He was, he's been sick and you know, but I went by myself and I got to see him backstage and he's walking in and I said to him, buddy, I go, this is just like walking into the comedy store. It's exactly what I said. I think it might even be on his DVD. I go, but you're walking into this place the same way you walked into the comedy store. And then he rose, I told you this, but I can't, but he rose out of the middle of the garden with pyrotechnics and I just, I'm standing up and I was around people that weren't like the civilians, you know, and I'm crying and just tears to come to people. I think this brought us crazy stalker or something. But just to see that, I couldn't, I just, my heart just

exploded in love. You seem at the original room dying in the back trying to figure it out. Like you're doing it for us. Like you're doing it for us. Like I can only. No, I cheer for all my comrades. You know, listen, man, like I said, every time you move up, I move up. Yeah, I want to be your wife on something though, or your crazy sister. Every time I move up, you move up. When you're an open mic, a guy gets a special, your friends with that guy, you move up a little bit because everybody elevates. Yeah. Unclogs the journey. Everybody elevates, you know, so you cannot walk around with a chip or hating people or giving yourself excuses. I'm very proud of you. I gotta be honest with you that you kept it together. You went out there, you built a family,

you know, uh, I mean, this is what being a comic is all about is growing with the time. Yeah. Well, look at the ones who got stale. They're stale. There's comics of the stale. They're still living in little hills, sharing an apartment, doing things that because they didn't have the right mind to go, you know what? I did my time. I did everything I could do. Let me buy out of here like a gentleman, go to a small town, take the little money I have with me. You know what I'm saying? I could still do my little gigs from time to time. You know that I'm 57 years old. What do you want me to tell you? I'm 56. What do you want me to tell you? You want me to tell you that I'm going to be, I'm not going to be none. Yeah, but two years I won't

be able to fucking walk. They can never stop. That's not two years. It's going to be a long time. God forbid, but they can't stop it. Like first of all, I love it. Now it's in my blood. There's never been anything I've been addicted to more than comedy. Like that's it. Like I love the freedom of saying it. So you're not going to stop me. You might not pay me as much as I feel like I need to be paid, but I'm always going to work. I'm always going to work. I'll do those Mr. Saturday night gigs to the old people homes down in Florida. You know if I have to. Well, remember the Billy Crystal movie? I'll do it. I'll age in. I'll show up in my suitcase and skate and just stay there and no one will know. But you can't stop people like me and you who are hustlers.

Like we're in the good way hustlers. Like I never screwed anybody over. I never robbed it. But but like you can take away, you can, you know, you can put a far twat on my head and you can take away my agent and you can take away and the industry can shun me and drop. But you know what? I worked around it. I just went and made the cards. I, you can, I know how to figure it out. You make the calls yourself. You go around it. You keep going because ultimately the jokes will speak for themselves. And as long as people keep buying tickets and I'm supposed to give you a good show and I want to give you a good show and that's, you can't trick the public and I keep coming back to that. But grassroots campaigns aren't allowed anymore. You know, in the old days,

you'd build and the clubs would build with you. Now they want you to walk in. Like someone said to me, a club owner goes, well, Aziz tweeted and sold out in six minutes. And I said, well, there's a fucking billion of his people. He should sell out. He's a very funny comic. He's been on a lot of things. He should, he deserves to sell out. But don't compare me to Aziz. That's not, that's not a fair comparison, right? So you have to just, you just have to know your role. That's, that's you have to do. And I, I think I, what are you made dates? I'm in Portland at Harvey's. Okay, what date? The 16th through the 19th. Okay, what else you got? Yeah, I think I'm in a theater in Pittsburgh, Zeilean, Opal. So yeah, so I'm busy. I'm in the first week of May. I'm in a theater in

Virginia, Friday, Saturday in Vienna, Virginia. I can't think of the name of the theater website. Yeah, pescateli.com. That's it. That's it. I get skywriting. I have a guy come knock on your door and tell you where I'm going to be. I'm doing the none of your business tour where you don't, don't worry about where I'm going to be. I'll let you know that day. That's our tour. Don't worry about where I'm going to be. Tammy, anytime you come out to LA, you're always welcome on the show. I love you. Your family. I'm happy. Give your wife my love. Kiss that baby. Kicking these motherfuckers in the ass with that comedy store blood and send your best. I love you, my brother. Thank you very much. You filthy fucking animals. And now for a word from our sponsors. Yo. So I

want to thank Tammy pescateli, the Christ killer, and you motherfuckers for supporting the podcast always while I'm in New York City, trying to put it together. I'll be around the city this week doing spots. I don't know what nights it, but check up with Danger Fields and just go in there and do a 20 minute little workout just to keep the fucking muscles going. But I want to give a word to our sponsors. Don't forget the real pros in your life are your moms and this and May 12th is mother's day. Right around the corner. Do not forget. Let me ask you a court question. Where would you be without your mom? Me? I don't have a mom. So if I had a mom, I'd be sending everything in the world. You understand me as far as my wife's concerned. She's getting 22,000 different things.

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personalized wellness reports, she can learn how her genes play a role in her well-being and lifestyle choices, whether it's how her weight may be impacted by saturated fat or her likelihood for being lactose intolerant and more. Mom is sure to discover a whole new way of understanding who she is and you can share it together. You can see who you're related to and what not. This is a tremendous offer. So this Mother's Day, get 30% off 23andMe's health ancestry kit at 23andMe.com slash church. C-H-U-R-C-H. That's number 23andMe.com slash church. And remember, the offer ends May 13th. I want to thank Tammy Pascatelli. I want to thank the Christkiller. I want to thank you guys for bearing me with me at this time where I'm shooting films,

doing podcasts, doing stand-up. You're going down that road with me. Have a great week. This is the way to start your week off right. Kick this motherfucking meal, Lee. You make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel. When we get home going, and it's nice and warm, and it's beautiful in the end, I'm still your heart, and you're giving back, and it feels you good, and I know you love me like you should. You make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel, make me feel, How do you, make me feel, how do you, make me feel, how do you, feel me, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you,

how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, ImveEает, ImveEount, ImveEinet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Oh, I feel it, Ooh, I feel riding in the wind do, do, yeah You got to feel my dream you made me feel my dream I feel real, I feel real, I feel real, I feel real, I feel real, I feel real, I feel real, I feel real, I feel real, I feel real, I feel real. Thanks for watching!