Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #688 - Mo Amer

Episode Date: May 30, 2019

Mo Amer, a stand up comedian with a new special available on Netflix and an actor seen on "Ramy," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   ... CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies go to CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.    Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your portable bidet.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Greetings from podcastville it's Thursday the last fucking day of the month so get your shit together the church of what's happened now is brought to you by CBD lion listen picking a fucking reliable CBD company was like fucking pulling teeth but lucky for uncle for lucky for you Uncle Joey came fucking through with CBD lion they make CBD lion from start to finish and CBD lion has you covered whether it's vape cartridges or shadow or the tincture they're there for you go to CBD lion calm right now and check out the third party lab results yourself and on the way out pressing code word church and get 20% off your first order
Starting point is 00:00:49 you can't beat that nowhere and since the summer is coming and father's day is around the corner tushy is back bitches wiping your ass with a dry toilet paper that does not remove all the shit and fucking slime that comes out of your filthy fucking body if you got any poop on any part of your body would you just wipe it off with dry paper you filthy animal disgusting water cleans better than dry paper my friends oh shit that's why tushy is here they're a bidet to upgrade your toilet to a porcelain fucking throne fit for a king you understand me and now they got the father's day bundle which includes the tushy bidet the
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Starting point is 00:02:10 that tremendous if it wasn't for tushy my asshole would smell like a fucking dead camel thank God tushy came into my life especially now when humidity sets in your asshole and that fucking tear gas of death comes out yes go to hello tushy calm right now and press in church and get 10% off your order delivered right to your motherfucking house kick this motherfucking muley it's a beautiful day to be alive my little brother Moa me is in the house the Christ killers in the house and your uncle Joe is here right here it's all about the motherfucking Benjamin's or whatever the fuck you got
Starting point is 00:02:57 wanna be bowlers shot callers bowlers who be dipping in the bins with the sport what's up from the Jake in the tour oh shit to get my hands on some grants like Horace living in a raw deal three-course meal spaghetti, fettuccine and beer but still things real in the field and what you can't have now leave in your will but don't knock me for trying to bury seven zeros over in Rio de Janeiro ain't nobody zero but I wanna be heard what are you fucking nuts or what I mean that gets you lit you know you I forgot about the song that's a great song it's a great song like 98 that's it that was right before big daddy fucking the man of steel 97
Starting point is 00:03:40 you're right and he's seven what's up Tarzan what's up great that welcome Moa me to the show first time I've known Mo since we were fucking since he was a kid I was an old man no you were an old man how long have you been doing comedy for now professionally 20 it'll be to June will be my 20 anniversary professionally the first time I did stand-up was in 95 I was a 14-year-old doing high schools right after my father died and I was skipping school and my English teacher was like don't you want to be a comedian she's again stop fucking skipping school you're too smart I let you do stand-up in class and I was
Starting point is 00:04:12 like no fucking brainer so she changed my life that's crazy how a teacher I had a teacher it's kind of fact I'm doing the boy got August 10th and a friend of mine calmly goes guess who's going to see on August 10th Mr. Lovito Mr. Lovito was my sixth grade teacher amazing and he made a deal with me shut the fuck up during the week and Fridays I'll let you go up in class and do material I wouldn't even do material would sing yeah Frankie Valley songs like a ruffle shirt on and I try to crew the girls they tell me to get the fuck away from them you should get the fuck I'm nasty fucking hilarious I used to so I did
Starting point is 00:04:49 like stand-up one night I was just like in class I would write the material and do the stand-up and then I started freestyle so I would go grab a little jacket from from wardrobe in the theater department I'll come back to the class and we're doing impression of Chris Farley and I would just roast the class as Chris Farley I did that like several times I did three shows in one day my Spanish teacher got me out of like three classes that day so I could do all our other class three shows in one day all my classes it's amazing what teachers if they really like pay attention their students and they and
Starting point is 00:05:19 they push you and they drive you they literally changed my life did you go to college I didn't know I saw that scam a long time ago I didn't high school right into right into right into stand-up right from Sam was the first club you performed that first club was the laugh stop the first comedy cuz last time I was sitting my mom forced me to get a job I was running this fucking flag company so flags and I was reading the Houston press on the back of it it said Houston's funniest person competition at the last I was the same day was like the deadline was June 9th I was like oh shit so I went and ran to the comedy
Starting point is 00:05:52 my buddy took me Nick who stole my dear friend to this day that I grew up with and corny as shit he was like you ready this is the first day the rest of your life and it was we walked in I signed up to the list I learned about it the system oh there's open mics is what you do blah blah blah and I was like oh my god all my materials like geared high schools I gotta rewrite this shit and I went up at the Houston's funniest person competition and actually Scott Kennedy was hosting Sean Rouse went up that night may they both rest in peace man so there's both those guys were there that night and I started learning about
Starting point is 00:06:19 stand-up and I went to the comedy showcase you know it is just evolution you got to really want it what you use this it's 99 yeah I think you're gonna say you won the competition I was like oh my god no no no I made like the wild card I was I was good like right out of the gate I did pretty well right out of the gate and I made like the wild card thing or whatever and then the next year I made the finals then I realized the competitions are just stupid and you just need to go and work on your craft and go on the road and you know Danny Martinez at the comedy showcase took matters Wayne who who also like mentored
Starting point is 00:06:48 Ralphie May and the T. Sean Shannon and all these guys that came up the black chick I mean the black yeah oh my god see if at all yeah exactly so many cats came out of there Shayla Rivera as well it makes you want to cry like it makes me want to cry yeah when I think about what Houston meant in my comedy life right like how big I was seen and how fun Houston was like how much fun it said it really was like you really it but now Ralphie's gone and Sean Rouse are gone and half the people I did comedy for that town are no longer even involved in comedy but for a moment in time it was like the comedy store yeah and forget
Starting point is 00:07:37 about Monday nights Monday night oh my god that open mic was amazing fucking just you know for people don't know like 99 98 to 2000 something yeah Houston was my midway point right because it was just a party yeah absolutely it was just a party and it's hard to explain the people what it was like to like I did comedy air like I would go down there like let's say how to go though I would book a pastel froggy bottoms oh my god froggy bottoms and look book you know Midland and Odessa yeah yeah all these fucking places in Texas six weeks and I'd base myself out of Houston had sleep on Jody's couch right whoever had a
Starting point is 00:08:27 fucking couch in those days so Sunday Monday Tuesday and Wednesday I'd be in fucking Houston just eating smoking no Mondays was the last stop Tuesdays was there's like red yurts right here I think it's going on and there's the the the Greek restaurant the Greek restaurant forgot the name of it Monday night was out of the place last stop you want to cross the street to the corner with Jody red yurts bartender no red yurts yes yes shit my days like Sherlock so Monday's is that yeah Tuesday's was that fucking definitely red yurts definitely the Greek restaurant upstairs on Wednesday Wednesday was there was the Greek
Starting point is 00:09:11 restaurant on Wednesday nights and then Thursday was my mongols rock mongol friends room in Pasadena Texas you had the black company showcase as well couple that started Beaumont oh that's right cuz the first people who had that club were a nice black couple they were engineers oh you know what I don't think I ever met them 99 98 yeah I did Beaumont though definitely Hilton back there they have the room Hilton in the back and Slade ran out for a hop in it Slade ran that and then they moved it into a bank called a comedy Texas yes that was a fun role right oh deed yeah is it really oh yeah my face was meant for a
Starting point is 00:09:53 week so I would basically go to Houston I would just fly to use you know and then for a month that's where I met you first yeah the last time I could never I'd still to this day I remember I really used to I came out and said I walk in a hobby airport what a fucking mess hobby airport is this fucking price to came up place me for like 20 I said they bitch I got $2 in a match you know that was like one of the lines you would always look me like most I fucking around you to come there like got miles to brownie over there fucking doing these things you come out there you fucking blow it out of the water what the fuck you doing you like
Starting point is 00:10:30 come over to stop fucking waste your time I remember I remember to this day bro I've been waiting for this moment to sit down and talk to you about it for a really long time and the first time I met you met you was really through Jody when you were doing shows with Rogan and he was I think it was like fresh off of like a few years separated from news radio I think he just kind of finished that runs all kind of starting to settle down after Phil died and all that stuff it's been like four years maybe at that point max I think and then he was just getting into that show fear factor and all that and that's why I met you and
Starting point is 00:11:01 we all hung out and did it and you were like I'm leaving the airport next day I was like you know I got to take Joey so you pump me up so much you like you like made me want to be more aggressive even my stand which I was already insane you know doing as many spots as possible staying up till 3-4 o'clock in the morning getting up and going to this fucking flag shop till I could get out of it and start doing it full-time but you're a big motivator in my life and I'm very happy that we actually get to sit together and have this conversation man sketch up if I came from a market in Denver where there wasn't a lot and I
Starting point is 00:11:33 wanted to fucking do stand up right there's nothing like wanting to do something and being held back you know Boulder had poetry readings had the comedy works on Tuesday which only gave you spots once a month and then there was a kid Jimmy a beta that gave you love and there was another guy on Saturdays that the show started 11 yeah and you'd have to drive an hour go up and tend to yeah open Micah that's very hard to comprehend at that point of course so I was frustrated so I did what any other open Micah does I became acquainted with my fucking car and put it in my mind that I had a drive to do spots I would
Starting point is 00:12:21 have to go like two hours on a Tuesday to go to what's his name's room and two hours back after your bomb yeah I would have to go to Cheyenne Wyoming and do comedy when I went to Seattle there was just so much action yeah I was gonna say you spent time in contrast to where I was from when I met you know you and I both know this yeah there was that much the thing that Houston had over a lot of other cities was the support the support of the community at that lab spot right stop Monday nights I'm sorry I keep saying lab spot yeah a comedy showcase you know you think of if you really sit down and I'm not here to
Starting point is 00:13:12 insult anybody no telling you the facts yeah of course if you sit down and you count the talent that was in Houston in 98 or 2000 it was mind-boggling yeah first of all you had to have a new five minutes every time you went on stage Monday's or you would get tortured the comics yeah if you're not trying new shit all the time they would torture you yeah the comics and that curse torture joke yeah yeah would you do it three times in a row yeah let's breathe a little bit and you're like listening to open micers motivate you at first you want to strangle somebody when they say that yeah yeah what that telling you was
Starting point is 00:13:52 the fact you should have left that joke three weeks ago you should have worked on that in Conroe right or in fucking somewhere else but here at the open my yeah show but a new five every fucking week right so the pushing was there you had Matt Kersh you had fucking Scott Kennedy was from Houston as well Scott Kennedy's a beast you imagine Scott Kennedy being gay in that era and talking about what that come from can you imagine you know in Texas oh my god that gay neighborhood where he was yeah Montrose yeah yeah he was the king of Montrose yeah if you walk down Montrose the Scott Kennedy yeah people would
Starting point is 00:14:32 yeah he was one of the funniest people I saw he was a very sweet out of a guy he was at the store yeah I still look in the kitchen sometimes and miss him walking in with his jersey yeah with his foot with his hat on like a little young soldier yeah right I'm gonna go back to my house I'm gonna show you how to get fucked in the ass he would pull him right out of San Diego 100% he didn't give a fuck he'd go right on the army base and salute people yeah oh he was in the army no okay but he did a lot of military last time I saw him was in Iraq he gave me a coin and I'll never forget that he was like thank you he was a great guy
Starting point is 00:15:13 but every once in a while you catch him yeah you have a little 18 year old recruits confused from Houston he didn't really know look at me and give me a 100% 100% 100% at first open mic I was at he was hosting it and he or he went up you know he was hosting it and he my buddy was now like a fright flight director at NASA you know at the time he was like 18 19 years old he was like come on come over I'll suck your dick like you never suck your dick before and my friend is Italian is white but he just his face turn right you imagine at that time he was doing that kind of material in Texas like it was just it
Starting point is 00:15:58 would blow that mean the room would just you can't follow you couldn't follow him he was be he was so powerful and so crass and so but just had the like the right touch and seasonings to be able to get away with it too it was just very funny to see a white guy with a fucking fooboo jersey with a rainbow I was gonna ask with Scott Kennedy and then he said fooboo it's like was he black no he was white guy yeah it was Jewish just like a chubby white guy with with with a fooboo jersey and I think he had like a rainbow patch on it hilarious was like what are you doing yeah it was so funny but it works for him Houston like I
Starting point is 00:16:30 thought even after I had been a regular up here like you have to know where you stand in life right you have to know you stand in comedy and I remember going on open the first time I went to Houston I opened the slate hmm and it was a hallow weekend cold women it was fucking crazy and then they talked me into staying on Monday like you're not staying Monday I'm like no oh yeah you gotta say you gotta stay I said I don't know and they're like fucking stay that's a fun you're gonna fucking be enlightened I walk down 200 people in the fucking it was 200 audience or 200 comments 200 audience well I mean there's like yes they
Starting point is 00:17:14 have so many comedians 60 comics it was from 7 to 2 yeah all these guys are trying you know they really want to get into the last stop and they would bring all their friends and they would pack out and the guys back down again right audiences yeah fucking $2 beers or something yeah you would get fucking lit yeah Monday night for everyone listening open mics in LA have zero audience is there a audience in most cases man most cases open mics is like other comics are you know sitting in the back that's it and there's like one or two people in front I mean that's it right most of the time it's crazy there's
Starting point is 00:17:47 like a real room if you build an open mic as a train wreck that's when it becomes an open mic that's what people enjoy right people don't really want to go up and see 15 guys do six minutes they want to see a train wreck and that's the aspect I didn't know about open mics I learned that in Seattle right Seattle's big Monday and Tuesday was a train wreck because you had people that were in comics you had a lot of hobbyists exactly that were crazy in their real life right they came in there like a fan or oh god those type of yeah yeah yeah there's one guy we couldn't wait to watch every time and he's everyone he was
Starting point is 00:18:27 the worst he was the worst that I've ever seen his name is Larry Simon he was a the real estate agent I'll never fucking forget this guy and I was like maybe you just have to go filthy bro I don't know what to tell you just be filthy and the next week I see him on set and everybody's going nuts in the room like what's going on you see Larry Simon talking about some really filthy shit I was stuck in her ass you know it was awful it was a horrible job executing whatever he was doing I was like I don't think he really understood what I was trying to tell him I just let it go completely naked on stage last week
Starting point is 00:18:58 like completely took their dick out there's like completely naked Doug stand up I think did that one time but then I'm like yeah well he did also did it in the following week right away on one day was where he shaved his bow I had a waitress shave on stage yeah on stage had a waitress come up and shave his balls and he was at the last stop the following week and it was that Monday night did it again he was just like I forgot what's her name a waitress so we were just talking about the other day door waitress was a Dory was a door the girl from was a cute Dory Dutton's chick that moved to London London yeah
Starting point is 00:19:32 she's always give you ass and shit every time you bumped into hold on I have something brownies or fucking yeah pills she was very sweet she was great energy I just saw on Facebook a couple days ago but the girl what were we talking about the last time I shaved Doug stand up walls I just told the story about her she was a great kid yeah she was a cute yeah cute and a great kid and she moved here she got a job at La Jolla at the comedy store but she also did magic oh well her father raised her in the circus hilarious she was raised in the circus so she was very hip and then she started
Starting point is 00:20:13 getting some momentum with comedy in San Diego she moved to New York and she was kind of booking Sal's comedy hole this is what sounds like 2004 yeah 2005 and then Sal's clothes and came out here and she came out with Sal but at the time they were doing a show called magic with the stars and she shot the pilot because she was such a great magician well she ate fire and all that shit so while they were shooting it then ABC picked it up and they were gonna shoot magic with the stars where magician teaches a star magic while they were shooting the pilot they put them up at the magic hotel oh no she was kind of cute oh she was kind
Starting point is 00:20:57 of flirty I'm not saying anything bad right one of the camera guys broke into her room at night raped her in the middle of night what the fuck she had a press charges the news the show got canceled no more magic with the stars fucking ABC found out the hardware magicians are creepy people people yeah and fucking what was the cameraman there was a camera man a PA something raped and she had to come back and go to court holy shit ABC paid her off yeah keeping hush hush yeah well they paid her money for what had happened like she's I guess she ended up suing ABC right and reliable at that point yeah she lives in
Starting point is 00:21:34 Idaho she had a she has a husband a kid amazing and somebody from LA moved up to be with her like she was tight with somebody from LA a gay guy I just forget his name and then all started by shaving Doug Stanham's balls she lost that job right at that comedy club she was very sweet and very nice she always was she always she liked dirty comics and she liked this because how she grew up the circus everything else I mean come on let you fucking swallows fire I mean it's just not gonna be I've been thinking the last couple years I don't know where to start I don't want to step on anybody's toes and most importantly I didn't want
Starting point is 00:22:13 to hurt anybody's feelings but I always wanted to do a documentary of the Houston comedy scene and what it meant right at that time because say what you want about Babbit that club was on fire the club was on fire he did he was the best and worst thing that right he was the best and worse than that happened to all those kids yeah all those kids yeah too I was seeing it so the thing that I had I remember watching the things unfold I was like I don't think I'm gonna make much progress if I just stay here like as a comedian and what I want to do and try to accomplish and to me that the comedy showcase was the spot where you
Starting point is 00:22:48 really got the work in and you really learned the tool and Danny was very open and share with me he was like gonna be my last student I feel like you can I mean he really literally told me it's still alive yeah yeah thank God he's doing great man he's doing good you know he had to have a kidney transplant Peggy gave him a kidney I knew something really amazing and it took and he's doing great but what he did for the Houston comedy club scene like the comedians like really that took time and went over there and and pushed all their shit aside and really use that room to really grow and everything he taught me about the road
Starting point is 00:23:20 and how to build that he said you'll be a star in 20 years are you ready to are you I'm not gonna waste my time if you don't have that plan and I'm about to hit 20 now I just got my Netflix especially he was he was spot on on everything that he taught me like from technical standpoint to what I should do and what I expect on stage and and all these things that you need as a comedian all these tools you need as a comedian and that was like the best thing that happened to me and Babbit was great for the comedy club scene and bringing people in and bringing all the acts in and really doing it but what he did that he didn't
Starting point is 00:23:53 understand was that you can't take comedians that have a really solid future and rush them and take them to LA and take them to London and and there's one comedian in mind that I have Ben Mowbray who's really talented and really brilliant guy and I feel like you didn't he didn't give him a chance to mature and and really you know grasp what it takes to be a comedian and before you put him up in front of all these people and you you know in the end he ruined the club man see the movie punchline I did yeah punchline it was the movie I watched to make me pick up the phone right like I knew about comedy I knew I wanted to do
Starting point is 00:24:28 it I was writing material but I just didn't know where to start right punchline was the movie that made me get up down 91411 and see if there was any comedy clubs in the area and they were like the comedy works and they gave me the number and I go I'm beginning comic and then six weeks later I saw that in the paper I took comedy class but my point being remember the club owner in that I don't in that movie he was a very what Tom Hanks yeah with Tom Hanks and those people that's a great movie to watch yeah if you're if you're starting out as a comic because that's what I thought I thought that you went to a club you
Starting point is 00:25:09 leached on to that owner yeah and the owner gave you guidance and he gave you real guidance from the heart and he spoke to you about what to expect and that was you know you have to cut through the bullshit yeah everybody wants to be a comic right in my world show it to me right I know exactly where you're at I don't even need to go see yeah yeah exactly what you're doing I think how long you've been doing it three year mark I know exactly what you don't yeah I know exactly what you're doing what you're feeling emotionally where you think you should be you fucking I got I got 30 minutes but it's really 10 we've
Starting point is 00:25:44 heard it before and you were there you walk those steps yeah I didn't get that guidance yeah you know I had the comedy works Wendy didn't have the time yeah they tried Wendy did hire two people to help comics which nobody else did she helped a writer to do a stand-up little writing thing and then she she hired a guy to put you on stage and critique you you know but he was an asshole about it so and then I went to Seattle and Seattle's owner was some guy we never met and the book was John Fox but the guy that ran the club his name was Carl and that was the closest I ever had to a mentor to a comedy father he's walked
Starting point is 00:26:27 you through the steps he tell you to eliminate that joke right whether you like to not get rid of it that's what Danny would you know that's what they would do yeah they would tell you not to go to certain places right and you as an asshole wouldn't listen yeah and then you come back with lumps in your head what did I tell you now I'll put you in the back of the line right exact for not listening now you're in the back of the line when you start listening yeah then you get to the front of the line because everybody knows more than you know you know and Danny would fucking stress me out like on purpose he would just be
Starting point is 00:26:59 like for a whole year like so many guys were opening and for a solid year I've been doing you know all these free spot you know it's not even like free spot all this training I call it that's what it should be called and all this training I'm overly ready I got like 20 like solid minutes I should be opening you know I should be hosting like I need to fucking knows he'd make me fucking wait he was like I want you to be better than everybody else I want you to fucking want it so bad and that's what he did to me you know and that's what he would do come in oh Ralphie pops in lemma put Ralphie before you let's see what you
Starting point is 00:27:29 could do tough guy you know that kind of thing being two years in the game oh you know what you're smashing let me put you before Ralphie let me create a whole situation between you two let's see how he does and you do and step it down he has to step up his game and what it has to do and he would play these he would do these like training tools and exercises and get you to the point like I'm ready and I hosted for like a week and the next thing you know I was featuring and I featured for like only like six months and next year I was headlining really quickly because of what he did to me and what he forced me
Starting point is 00:28:00 to do and edit and take this out my technique hey you have a too low it doesn't matter with you you know you gotta be conscious of that you're not making eye contact you know bring your audience in what are you doing you have a wall in front of you break that wall down talk to these people look at them don't be afraid don't shy away if you're afraid of them I'm gonna be afraid they're not gonna think you're real you got to talk to them you know that was so many tools that he gave me to to to be able to do that and and he took me as far as he could and gave me all these tools to allow me to get to a certain
Starting point is 00:28:27 level and then Chappelle came into my life and Chappelle became that mentor was like yo this is what it's like being here now this is the sick this is the the things that could come out of your life and and how you know to navigate Hollywood and how to pitch stuff how to you know how to how to really like just it's like it's just you know getting getting that information that most people are not privy to and he was able to like guide me through that and still to this day you know so I'm so lucky so I was doing so when you asked me to go come to LA he's like you should come to LA that whole thing was like 2004 5 I was
Starting point is 00:29:04 feeling so stressed out I was like I really should make a move either LA New York I got to do something and then I joined a crew called a lot made me funny there's these Muslim comedians that started this tour and it was really super ahead of his time and they were doing really well I thought it was kind of corny to be honest when I first heard it I was like this sounds like some Disney shit like I'm a real comic I grew you know what I mean I'm growing up in this comedy club scene I have this goal and then I was like man these guys are really working and they were legit comedians and preacher malls like
Starting point is 00:29:32 toured Lopez and wrote for Damon Wayne's and all these guys like hold on a second I was there a smile for Chicago I need to give this a shot so I joined the crew and the next thing you know we made a film we raised capital and before what's called four walling when you rent out basically different theaters we did a deal with like landmark and this movie came out as a documentary concert film and and and then Dave's family became fans of our show and preacher malls who founded the tour was also from DC there's all these like connections and then he came out to our show when we had a tour stop in Columbus and he
Starting point is 00:30:04 Chappelle showed up with his mom with his niece with his brother and sister watch the show and then he surprised the audience at the end of the hour completely clean killed we all had dinner that night and Dave was always like man you know you guys did this outside of Hollywood like that's mind-blowing to me I'm a Hollywood guy I've always came up in the Hollywood game he you know he started popping off when he was in his teens and he doesn't know anything outside of that and he saw us touring venues you know theaters all over the world like we did the Apollo and love we did like 30 shows 28 shows in 30 days in
Starting point is 00:30:39 England and Scotland we were touring you know Holland before people were touring it aside from like you know Rhodes was up there for a long time and then Scandinavian region we introduced Doug Stanhope to a promoter in Denmark to get him like in 2007-08 start working there it's very fascinating to see that in South Africa as well Nelson Mandela he was just really blown away but we're able to do independently and that's why I feel like I got my PhD in stand-up is being a part of that tour and being able to like go to go walk up on a stage and just be clean you know just do an hour clean and then go from there go to a comedy
Starting point is 00:31:17 club and be as dirty as I want but that allowed me to add other tools in my tool bet that I otherwise didn't have and then Dave started making his comeback and then we just connected you know just we were in the same city in San Francisco he's like why don't you guys come out and we were like hey man let's get a picture with Dave you know we walk in and and Dave's like oh man I love maybe funny let me take a photo with you guys I was like what it's just like excuse me it didn't understand or grass but was really going on and he was like you want to open for me tomorrow I was like yeah we other night open for him
Starting point is 00:31:48 the next day and then the next day and then next you know we're in Atlanta I was like wanna come to Atlanta I was like yeah I'm gonna be in the same area like cool come on you know what why don't you stay throughout the whole weekend next you know 700 shows and he's introducing me for my special six years later it's crazy but that's how it really happened that's all started out it's nuts you put the work in oh yeah I earn this shit yeah it was you know you said something early that really I like the guy that ran the last I like I like that everybody remembers to this day I still enjoy Bob I'm happy he took me on some tours of
Starting point is 00:32:33 Paul Rodriguez he gave an opportunity you know yeah absolutely absolutely I was in a different place you know I was just right I need to still learn it was the best thing for me to do that and he was like he was he was a tough guy to crack if you were that age and where you were I thought he overstepped his boundaries at some levels he was doing a good job at what he's doing yeah and then he was promoting shows with Carlos he was promoting shows at Rogue and he was promoting some great shows yeah he was killing it he fucked it then he got into the comedy business yeah he got into the comedy business in a weird way and one
Starting point is 00:33:11 of my all-time favorite stories at the store and I and he knows I like him and I'm fond of him I'm the type of guy I don't say much to somebody you can't fuck with some of these dream right exactly but I don't say nothing I'd rather because I don't like people talking about my dream anything else I'm fat I'm a drug guy whatever you want to say it's fine with the comedy dream shit you don't fuck with people's dream exactly even when people come up to you and say look take a look at this tape tell me what you think I don't say a word you know I got a really really really really really know you as a
Starting point is 00:33:45 comment right and really know you as a human being that when I tell you something the more you're gonna do it exactly don't tell me to watch it and they're gonna keep doing your same shit over and over and now you're lost exactly if you want my fucking opinion and I'm not gonna give you much yeah so tell you maybe they get rid of that joke right you're separating the audience there's always a little something I love when I was already a regular at the store I had already booked mad TV I decided I wasn't good enough something I had to follow Nick DiPallo and sandwich in between Nick DiPallo and Doug Stanhope
Starting point is 00:34:24 oh yeah I saw a level of professionalism and I saw my level of professionalism right and even though I lived in LA so this is my last spot in LA I'm on the road for 18 months I'm down and dirty no I line feature 350 a week 400 with a greyhound yeah you know where you have to feel your oats right oh yeah so I know timing and I know everything I knew that Ben Mowbray and one Houston's funniest person funniest person he had a gift of comedy and yeah he was a smart super smart yeah smart guy you know he was doing Stanhope and Stanhope was letting them know it yeah Stanhope was breaking his balls yeah he
Starting point is 00:35:07 was doing us a variation of Stanhope of course it was still intriguing yeah he was trying to be Stanhope and Hicks and I get he was six months in the game he was six months in the game nothing and I was happy for him I saw Babbit pushing yeah I saw Babbit put him in positions he shouldn't have been put in and I have 20 stories where he actually Babbit called headliners and said if you let him feature he's gonna give you a hard time like I had three headliners come to me and go is he fucking crazy? Ben Mowbray is good but he's not gonna put a dent in my arm whatsoever so I'll never forget getting the call I got the call one night
Starting point is 00:35:52 cuz I used to host at the store right on Sunday nights and I would introduce the show the blue night right no no no it was the show cases for Mitzi Mitzi would be there and I would bump into Mitzi and she'd look at the list and go fuck him like here's a guy with dreams for ten years at the store and Mitzi look at him fuck him I don't like what he's wearing and I'd have to be the bearer of bad time yeah I'd have to go up to the guy and go listen Mitzi don't want to see you this week call Scott Day or whatever I still remember I think it was Corey who came down to me she goes oh by the way you're putting up some kids from
Starting point is 00:36:33 Houston he's the new hot thing and as she was telling me I already knew and my heart was breaking yeah it's terrible because you're putting them in front of Mitzi you're not putting them in a crowd at the improv you're putting them in front of Mitzi this is a lottery ticket make a break this is a lottery ticket this isn't like a career jump no that if Mitzi doesn't like you you could come back in two years no she's gonna remember this bombing or this whatever you do so Sunday comes they came in like Sunday and went to eat like that and fucking let's see it again at fucking the rib prime rib plays they're eating and
Starting point is 00:37:16 drinking wine Babitz got Matt Blake from Gersh before he was running CAA so far he was an assistant at Gersh yeah he's a great he's a Gersh under fucking the wig yeah the deal was to get Matt Blake to sign Ben to take him to the wig and you know get his career going he's doing comedy so fucking he wasn't even a year in he was a year or something and he's featuring which really ain't my crawl yeah yeah he shouldn't be like you can't jump you can't jump steps this is something you can't fancy for two years give him 20 weeks a year and then come see me and then maybe I mean 20 weeks of MC and Tuesday through Sunday yeah
Starting point is 00:37:58 exactly that's eight shows a week learning bumps and bruises and fucking headline is giving you shit you gotta do 20 you gotta do 40 of those before I even talk to you easily and then we talk about feature then we'll talk about feature exactly so he was featured I'm like this is not bueno you know and he wasn't doing bad as a feature yet 18 20 look it's easy when you fucking show up at a comedy club there's crowds there and you're opening or featuring for somebody like Doug stand up okay go to a fucking place where nobody knows anybody the crowd is just not even didn't even want to come to see stand up
Starting point is 00:38:35 and they just didn't even know that shit was going on a bar and then you fucking get them together let's see your skillset now partner you know let's see what you have now that's what you miss the little fucking bar in the corner the little one in front of the door yeah every time somebody opened the door they had to walk around here you'll melt yeah melt melt you're just to sit yeah completely the first time your 20 is open and you turn around yeah two customers you just melt it melt so now you play them like a fiddle you're like come here baby sit down brother you know go to the fucking store
Starting point is 00:39:10 mitzi gives me the list she's in one of her moods and I see his name oh Ben Moberg and bro I never forget there's very few nights I forgot that the store yeah and that was one of them when I still remember being at the bottom of the stairs and watching them come around the side like they had Richard oh god that's not good Blake's you know three young comics from Houston all the people that lived in here now from Houston the Great White Hope it was all the big everybody was drinking boozing having a good time yeah and I'll never forget that it was in the middle of the showcases like oh mitzi I'm gonna put
Starting point is 00:39:52 this kid up he's the next Bill Hicks oh you know me though I gotta throw some fire yeah I'm not gonna let you get away with my god I gotta protect my mom yeah exactly yeah so I went up to her very nonchalantly and I go mitzi this is the kid from Houston that showcases they say he's the next Bill Hicks and might be worth your while I'm gonna forget how looking at me gone put him on next thing you know fucking Babbage rubbing his shoulders they're walking up the stairs you got this fucking Matt Blake goes in the corner Babbit the three flunkies half of Houston's in the back and he goes up there that's terrible and he went up there with
Starting point is 00:40:35 ego yeah and he went up the way you know they eat that alive yeah at those places like that oh you can't walk and they're just done that's it the fucking stage sucked the energy you could see it as soon as he hit the stage you cracked two or three jokes that work in Houston and you can see the color went from his face yeah and then he continued and then she started yelling get him off get him off Bill Hicks my ass oh my god hey you can see him on stage and it was like somebody hit him death man the only thing that was holding him up was a skeleton yeah that's the only thing that was holding him up dog was a skeleton if you don't think I felt bad yeah if you don't think inside as a human being there's a comic I felt bad you're wrong yeah I felt horrible for
Starting point is 00:41:21 him I felt bad for him and I know what it's like to be in that position yeah where you get a little bit ahead of yourself and you go fuck what they say I'm gonna go do this anyway and it's a horrible experience and I'll never forget him this is what I remember the most was him walking off and nobody saying nothing to him Babbit turns back it's a lonely fucking ride he walked out of there like he just wanted to leave yeah I mean that's all I wanted to do is leave yeah and as he was walking out like you know how he walked up with everybody around him he walked out everybody was 10 feet behind them dog it was the coldest thing I had ever seen in my life that's really the next night he went to the improbably did okay yeah but the damage you can't do that damage is done I remember when he came back
Starting point is 00:42:04 to Houston and he told me about what happened and and he was just like you know when I was sitting back there and I was like you and start thinking about that stage and all the greats that have been on it and he just you know he just crumbled yeah he can't do that psychologically somebody it's not his fault they shouldn't have done that and you know he could he could have maybe tried to stop it but he was so young he was in his early 20s I think at that time who the fuck is gonna stop him I don't you don't fucking know yeah you don't know they're telling me that I can do this they're telling me I'm pointing something yeah this is where Babbit and I like and also at the same time I would say that you know we've all experienced failure on a big level on different levels and you know
Starting point is 00:42:39 different tastes of it and you either want it bad or you don't either this thing is gonna define who you are you know for success and like I remember when I fucking did this was a huge mistake yes am I gonna wait this through another 10 years you know that's the whole thing do you want it bad enough I have for me there's nothing else that I want there's zero broke no car fucking breakdown whatever it is you just have to do it if you really want it you can't let those things break you unfortunately it wasn't the right support group and I and I would see that as a young I remember being a kid looking around going I'm not gonna get better here you know this is not the spot the last stop for me at that time this is I don't have the I'm not given the time
Starting point is 00:43:23 and I'm not gonna be able to get it here I need to go on the road I would come back from you know Jim older would give me dates and we would tour and do all these shit one-nighters I would come back and rush to do the blue show on Sunday and that's the spot he gave me and he was like why weren't you here scratch you off the list I was like why did you scratch me off the list he says why weren't you here on open mic on Monday I was like I'm on the road I'm trying to get better I'm doing these open mics this is where Babbit would treat me a little bit harsher you know because I was younger or whatever and whatever the thing that he had going on he had going on but I appreciated what he did for the comedy scene in Houston I appreciated that he was bringing
Starting point is 00:43:56 these quality names and and they were coming in and we got to see you know Louis CK before he even became a yeah I mean I mean everybody was Tom roge and yeah yeah amazing co-headline fucking amazing people will not forget like that was like 97 yeah and that was like the height of it 97 98 I saw it in 99 2000 when they came down and then we were going to that crazy hotel like the whole experience yeah was crazy yeah that hotel willy nelson stay there yeah it ended up flooding and let's go I wasn't there that was the only hotel that you could check into do a bunch of coke at four in the morning and then go man I need a beer open your hotel room and walk 10 10 minutes there'd be somebody drinking a beer hey man how you doing yeah I didn't know you want
Starting point is 00:44:46 a beer and you're like uh I wasn't thinking about it but fucking well and I a bunch want to say like I love Ben Moebra I love that I thought he was very smart funny guy and he had it he just really wanted it and I think it was just wasn't fair what happened to him and there's just all respect brother all respect no it's all respect and these that's what I tell people there's no book you could read this it yeah you watch exactly you keep your mouth shut you give them the rope and you watch them either hang themselves yeah they either hang themselves or they do something with it right and even if you hang yourself you still got plenty of life left I hung myself yeah 18 times when I started combat yeah you know I'm immune to bombing because I've bombed so many times that it doesn't
Starting point is 00:45:30 even matter yeah I know what I need to I love I love bombing getting in the car I know exactly what you did to bomb yeah I knew exactly what I did to bomb I opened something I came out to cocky yeah I should have said that word the first three minutes there's always something that makes you reflect on the bomb and you go oh bombing doesn't affect me at all no it makes you better it makes you better as long as you know that yeah as you're getting in your car and you give that little giggle yeah and then you walk in the center 11 and torture the guy behind the counter I ain't eat that I just chicken I mean the best thing to watch is the funny thing you watch as a comedian is watching another comedian die on stage and the reason why is that that's something that you relate to so
Starting point is 00:46:16 innately so personally that it makes me personally just laugh so hard because you have that experience and nobody knows it better than a comedian or a performer they just completely dies on so you just laugh because you relate to it so hard it's not because like oh I'm happy he's bombing no no no it's like this what he's going through his mindset all the shit that's going through his head the catastrophizing the fucking scene the breakdown in the middle of the road he can't get out of it he's looking for the light have I been lit yet that that shit is like classic man my first three years I used to break chairs I used to break bottles I hit a pigeon with a car oh my god when I bombed I would get so I had to learn how to bomb with grace right that was the big problem I had
Starting point is 00:47:05 the first three years the other thing that I had a lot of the comics didn't have is I know when I bomb right it's not the worst to see an economic come off stage and go I killed you like oh god yeah the fuck as well oh no it's the worst yeah denial I destroyed that room you're like I was sitting in the back I had to take a tomato from a guy yes they were just about to fucking hit you with a tomato on a slingshot oh easily you're telling me that's the other retardation yeah you don't want to say nothing I can't I love when I bomb and you're standing there having a drink and you won't make eye contact and to break the eye contact I go how bad was that bomb yeah makes the Gulf War look like a fucking Chinese parade because that's the thing is having the sense of human
Starting point is 00:47:54 that were you around when Ralphie fell through the stage at Spellbind is no I was not there I was not there I didn't know he fell through the stage at Spellbind I knew he fell down the stairs at the last spot and that was his big beef with the owner at the time and they were like I think he sued him at some point right he sued two people he was and the owner of Spellbinders are you serious he fell through he fell through the stage I mean he was like I heard I haven't seen him at his peak when he first started right Danny told me that he used to have to lean up against the wall because he was like 700 pounds yeah he was big when he first started big he was 700 I'm big 700 he went to the floor at Spellbinders oh my god when I found that story I didn't say nothing for three months
Starting point is 00:48:40 oh god I didn't say a word to that fool for three months oh my god and then when they Spellbinders was still open it was the town when I met Ralphie was the tail end of Spellbinders and he was staying with Joey Medina he had already broken oh shit Joey Medina he broke his cock what do you call those things the japanese people the futon he broke his futon oh my god and he couldn't get it back up like when you went to Ralphie's you just be laying there because you couldn't you couldn't pick the futon back up like the back yeah he would just be laying down what Ralphie get up but I'll never forget like I was I was hustling calls one day you know like I was working for a screw company on Ivar I would have to get there at four in the morning and sell screws to people on
Starting point is 00:49:28 the east coast oh my god and then from there we'd go to Ralphie's house for breakfast I'd wrap like at nine and I remember calling there one day and just calling the lab spot I didn't know who Don learned it was I didn't know uh Dan he was and I'll never forget calling uh Spellbinders Lynn yeah Lynn was his name I remember Lynn Karn I don't know yeah I think it was Lynn Karn I remember this Karn's uh Joe Diaz I'm I'm a regular at the comedy store I like to come down and do feature work and right away she goes are you friends at Ralphie and what do you think of somebody says to me are you friends of Moe yeah but if it's a club owner yeah you gotta think twice I go yeah I'm friends at Ralphie she goes well friends at Ralphie aren't welcome here have a
Starting point is 00:50:19 good day she hung up on me oh my god so I didn't know what Ralphie had done I asked somebody like you don't know he fell through the stage and then he sued her oh my god so one day we're at Ralphie's for breakfast and it's quiet it's quiet it's quiet I'm like you know I call Lynn Karn's that Spellbinders that's the for a week of work he kept eating because she wouldn't give me a week of work in front pay for the hole that you fell through they want me to go down there rebuild the fuck that bitch oh my god and now just think about that that was the intent I mean here's the sad thing about comedy I knew 10 guys in Houston personally that had 20 times more talent and could outjoke me any day in a fucking week that's what pisses me off about Houston and that's why I went off on you
Starting point is 00:51:14 that day about opportunity yeah when you live in a market that you could be out 14 nights a week even though there's seven yeah I want you out those 14 nights yeah yeah exactly as a comic I don't want to hear nothing I can first you're yelling me like you're yelling to me saying it's enough here now you need to move get the fuck out there's only so much you could do with a market and then and you don't have to tell when you're trapped yeah you can be trapped in the market after a year doing stand-up and not knowing yeah absolutely you in my case I was trapped I was trapped in Denver I didn't think there was a world outside it then and then I started hearing about these different comedy scenes when you travel people tell you man come to Houston they just they got too
Starting point is 00:51:54 much comedy they're looking Dave would tell me all the time she'd probably be like man I think the next big things and come out of Houston all the time you tell me like the next I always thought the next comedian the next day there's so much talent down there there's so much to pull from it was great I mean John Westling down to his murdering he was helping fucking John Westling scripts a fucking brilliant yeah he is he's showing rouse showing rouse this show absolutely fucking crazy man could kill and all yeah it's Juan Villarreal Juan Villarreal is a murderer you'd let him lose on the stage and he'll fucking cause problems absolutely you know they had the other kid there was another kid down there was a phenomenal writer I just bought the hersey was
Starting point is 00:52:31 really good at hersey I just bumped into Sarah Tyler match oh my god you're just doing great we see each other in New York all the time yeah I bumped into about bigger staff yeah he's which I was very happy he got up and got out because finally it's just so much you could do in a market absolutely I always told people sit still shut your mouth yeah right but when do I leave you know when you leave when the club owner says to you mom that's what happened to me every night go home I've headlined year the 4th of July Valentine's Day yeah Memorial Day weekend Thanksgiving day Christmas and New Year's Day you've destroyed every headline that comes through here I really can't headline you because you got no credits yeah now you got to make a decision right that's
Starting point is 00:53:16 the ideal situation and I was at a real crossroads when you told me that for me was just like hey I want to be I want to be so fucking ready you know my whole thing is that I want to be so ready that I want to terrify people when I get like that's my whole thing I want to be so prepared I have to be undeniable you know I'm Muslim I'm Arab I'm a refugee I don't have a citizenship like Palestinian I'm I have all these things all these stigmas on me I have to be so good that's all I thought about and I was like yes Joey I hear you and something in my gut was telling me just be patient just be patient this is a marathon is a 20-year situation for overnight success that's what I kept having in my head loop around and thank god for the relationship with you know all of me funny like really touring
Starting point is 00:54:00 that understanding what a global marketplace is and doing those theaters and getting those repetitions and coming back and building it back up and then you know touring with Dave those years so many years and still you know popping in together and him you know being such a big part of my life and like a brother to me and then when I got into the cellar I was like 17 years in you know you know what I mean some mothers like it we've heard of this guy kind of like what's going on and then you come in and you're just like I have an hour and a half of shit that's special ready that I'm gonna rotate and I'm gonna murder every fucking set and that's the way I want to come in and sure enough I came in boom it went very fast everything was going really well tons
Starting point is 00:54:43 of spot was doing she was giving me as he was giving me like 10 a night on Friday and Saturdays as much as you can do plus the comedy ah I'm excuse me not the yeah the all of the ground the yeah no there was the underground around the corner and there's that oh my god why am I blanking out there's a music spot right around the corner and you do that downstairs boom you hit it up 75 bucks in front of a crowd that expects a band get the fuck out of there do a spot at the cellar boom go around village underground then go upstairs go to fat black pussycat I mean working so hard and then Derek Trump should happen to me where I sat next to him on the plane turn that into a joke boom Colbert heard about it they came out they watched me they flipped it to do it why don't
Starting point is 00:55:20 you get on Colbert bam roll a stone ten comedians to watch oh shit next to you know I'm you know I got multiple offers for my specials now we're cooking and that's what I wanted and the only thing I felt like after all that stuff happened was relief I was like thank god it was right it's fine are you very calculated I was always calculated in my growth and how much I'm learning and doing that and always like not putting money first money was like the last thing that I cared about it's the number one that's the mistake young comics make that's the last thing I cared about they ask you are you making any money no of course no yeah they'll say well why are you doing this I wouldn't do it if I didn't get paid well then go watch this fuck so I used to slide them on I
Starting point is 00:56:02 was like why are you driving 12 hours for a hundred bucks I would tell her 300 I would lie I would go to get into that club in Birmingham Alabama what is it called the star dome so I drove 12 hours there boom do that set drive back on the way home I'd stop at I'd stop at the casino in Lake Charles play poker I was like whenever I get to 300 I'm gonna get out here and I was 19 I wasn't even legal to be in there but you could just walk in they didn't have the little IDs and all that shit you could check in I would just wait play poker get up to 300 bucks leave cash out so I when I come home I can show my mother look look like I made 300 bucks you know it's good then I can show her that because you would ask me let me see what they paid you you know let me
Starting point is 00:56:37 see what you're doing she was worried about me of course as any parent should be you know I get it but she didn't understand staying up and all that so I had to do like all these things all these extras to make it look like I'm doing better than I actually am to show her that you know I am making some growth and there is a career here and things like that I mean my god my mom didn't really understand like what I was doing fully until she saw me with Dave at Radio City Music Hall with Chance the Rapper and John Stuart and these guys in front of 6500 people and she just saw her son just do his thing on stage just had a murder and that's where John Stuart and I became friends and that's like the only celebrity to an Arab mom it's like game show hosts and John Stuart you
Starting point is 00:57:17 know like that's it that's it 9 11 yeah it took 9 11 to expose Arab based comedy right like you know you had your thing I know that Mars right those guys yeah they had X of evil yeah and they were doing great with it but it took like something that tragic of course to blow it up comedy yeah you know how fucking crazy is that right my brother would look me in my face he thought my career was over he was like your career is over he goes nobody wants to see a Muhammad on stage telling jokes I looked at my brother I was like Omar you're a pilot what you talking about you know you got a career it's you're gonna be fine you know like it's gonna be fine so I just like this is gonna be the big thing for me and I always had it in my mind to do it what was this thing that was inside of you
Starting point is 00:58:01 that was forcing you not to fail like we all have the like when I worked for my brother-in-law's roofing company yeah when I took that job the night before I drove to my brother-in-law's roofing company uh I had a really thin car like I didn't sleep all night and I said okay here is my mother told me once that when I was a kid my mother got mad at me once and she goes when you got older I don't care what you do I don't care what you do if you clean toilets clean toilets it's a job if you sweep sweep but make sure you're the best at what you do or that you try hard to be the best at what you do you know when I got the job with my brother-in-law's roofing company when I was a kid you know I knew one thing that for me to work for him I had to be the best work
Starting point is 00:58:54 around that job site because I never wanted somebody to go to him and go hey you're fucking brother-in-law as a fucking dud right I never wanted that so I knew that I had to be there at seven even though the job started at seven thirty I would be there at seven and if the job ended at four thirty I'd be there at five fifteen right I swear you know I did things they didn't even ask me to do right it's just the same way you felt about calmly a hundred percent even more so just coming here just knowing that you know fleeing a war in Kuwait seeing my mom and dad lose everything losing my father just like all these things that I couldn't control right happened and it felt very much like you lost your father when you moved here correct I lost my father like yeah about four years
Starting point is 00:59:39 after we moved here he didn't come until he couldn't get it because you know like the dad's got to do everything I'm gonna finish up the paperwork you were living in a war I was you don't mind me yeah so it was uh was born in Kuwait left Kuwait after the first Gulf War in 1990 about three months into it and then my mom got my sister how old were you when the war was and do you remember shells I remember everything about it every details about it I mean everything bro when the when the Iraqi soldiers came in and it was just a quick takeover and it was a big robbery more than anything like you didn't hear much like as far as like the shooting and the what have you I didn't I wasn't like fully part of that I was part of the chaos so Saddam Hussein like dropped off all these
Starting point is 01:00:20 guys that were in prison and told them to just rob Kuwait it was a big robbery it was a massive massive robbery more anything else his dispute was that Kuwait's been stealing from us for years you know what I'm taking over Kuwait Kuwait's actually rock anyway fuck you this is mine it was all political play but forget it I was when you say rob them yeah when they come into your house and smack in you and they were they were trying so they came into the house uh the first time with the the day of the invasion they took over the whole neighborhood because the neighborhood was owned by the Kuwaiti oil company who my father was employed by so that was a really strategic point for that military so they were there and then they took over the whole situation once they
Starting point is 01:00:56 found out where Palestine and they backed off my mom told me they were going to throw a grenade into my room they were going to like they were going to do something and then she stopped they stopped them they talked him out of it and like my dad was just all about feed these guys feed them they're hungry they just came off a war from Iran they're starving they're here to steal because they're hungry so we fed them my mom and dad would feed them they would come over to the house in the morning they would take all the food they would eat and they would just leave they would leave us alone my father was always worried about his daughter of course god forbid she gets raped or something happens and the shit that goes down during war he was just being very protective for
Starting point is 01:01:30 that and he paid the ultimate price for it man he was like the stuff i found out years later he was like uh kidnapped my mom had to like pay ransom to get him out he was a really intense time for my family now i felt it they didn't tell me everything but i felt it i ended up in houston i was nine and my brother took me to change you know just kind of changed the vibe a little bit so he took me to watch uh the houston livestock show and rodeo you know every year they have that joint with all these big headliners and that year was co-headlined by the band alabama that i went to and bill cosby and i saw bill cosby on stage i was 10 in front of 67 000 people at the astrodome and he's just murdering and i was like what is this art form that allows you to sit in a chair
Starting point is 01:02:17 and speak in this little tiny microphone this lapel mic and just kill a whole crowd there's control them with your voice and storytelling i'm i'm gonna do this i looked at my brother i was like i'm gonna be a comedian he was like yeah yeah you know he's like oh i'm glad you have a good time i was like no motherfucking do you not understand i just found my destiny bitch and that's where it came down to is like that's why i figured out it was gonna be a comedian and then two years later my dad came and then he passed away shortly after that it was uh she really really crazy time for me man it's really really crazy that's how it's i didn't even know who bill hicks was or sam kennison was i didn't know the rich history that houston had and stand
Starting point is 01:02:53 up i remember i was doing open mics like ah this guy's hey he sounds like sam kennison i'm like who the fuck is sam kennison this guy was like what do you mean you don't know sam kennison you're not copy him right now i was like i don't know who the fuck sam kennison is i've been here fucking eight years a kid i don't have cable we're poor shit what are you talking about who the fuck is sam kennison he was like don't say this out loud again he came back the next day i can't remember this man's name but he was an open mic or you know older guy just kind of hobbyist and he just hands me all these cassette tapes of all these hbo specials and all these hicks specials and sam kennison and and god john mandosa as well and all these guys that it came up that i can't end uh
Starting point is 01:03:30 and uh dana carvey and all these things that i was watching and i was like oh my god this is amazing and i really started to understand stand up and watching carlin and doing that because then you didn't have all youtube you just pop in and let me see who the hell what the history of stand-up is and that you have to like learn it from the street and that's what it was so funny to me because guys are like oh this fucking guy is just trying to be this he's guys trying to be that i'm like i don't even know the guys you're talking about they're like eddie murphy delirious he did that joke i was like who the fuck is eddie murphy delirious yeah i'm not gonna know that i had to catch up culturally right you came here as a little
Starting point is 01:04:06 kid you don't have that history i don't have the older brothers watching these tapes and you know what i mean i have older brothers but they weren't watching that they were all going to college and i was in a little country called quate the only thing i knew is that my sisters loved uh what is it blue what is it the sitcom with a civil shepherd and moonlighting yeah i was like that's it that's all i know america's moonlighting and the lakers and the chicago bulls apparently that said the bosses out that's all i knew about america and football this thing that you throw so i had no i had all this stuff to catch up culturally so it was it was a really interesting it was really difficult for me especially being that young and not having all this information and all this stuff
Starting point is 01:04:44 flying around i'm like you know what i need to learn and that's why the showcase was that place for me and i would go back and forth this is rough showcase explain some of the people your premier club at the time was the last spot last stop because they brought in the mitch head birds the rogans and the gaffigans and all that then you had the mid-level club which was uh it's the showcase definitely the showcase the showcase showcase would be like the definitely the one after they would call it like the b club the b club because of the the acts they were bringing they were touring season comedians headliners very fucking funny guys very funny funny and the guys just didn't know yeah you just didn't know these are guys that had drug problems
Starting point is 01:05:26 and they already failed and tmv they came out and their show failed exactly but they still remain funny funny like michael reed is somebody i will never forget he's so fucking funny man man rest in peace crazy he was like and the last spot also had more vegas based absolutely comics that went to vegas yep played vegas so houston had a great variety absolutely to watch and learn like i still remember like not dana carvey but the guy that writes for the simpsons i don't know being like at the last stop and the last spot at summer i just know the biggest writer that probably came out of houston at that time was it tshon shannon the shannon brothers because tshon was like we're a writer i don't
Starting point is 01:06:08 i don't know but i mean charlie died i don't know about five six years more than that about ten years ago i think so much that they were interesting they were great man they were interesting mother fuckers so was charlie now they wrote for seven lives i'm not wrong tshon wrote for seven yeah yeah yeah tshon wrote for like vibe and he had like he was he he he flipped you know how writers do they go from one job to the next i think s and l was as long as i think he was like a head writer s and l for like 10 years he was there for quite some time right yeah yeah he just got out and i think after his brother passed with these to do a tshon you know a shannon family christmas every year at the last stop and you know the last stop going away and then charlie
Starting point is 01:06:46 dying and just kind of i'm pretty sure it affected tshon significantly since that's what they did together and charlie was just a very sophisticated stand up he was really really good at what he did and it might make he made it look so easy but he was really really good and he loved going up at the end and he would freestyle like nobody else and he was really talented and uh yeah so that he was like the guy tshon was the the the guy that was like oh man you can like make it in the writing world you can actually accomplish things and and get things going and do that and also uh this is named that uh managed steve harvey for a long time too uh roshan roshan mcdonald i think he was like the producer guy he was just like produced everything like oh you can make it in different
Starting point is 01:07:29 parts in hollywood and then seeing ralfie obviously make it and do it and you're like oh this is very tangible it's very possible if you just work hard and put in the time and effort but yeah so ralfie was a big time uh dany martinez guy yeah big time well i mean yeah absolutely he was a very vocal very he loved dany absolutely you know dany you know dany had taken him on the road for the first time at that time thea by dal yeah had made he was a monster monster and she made houston proud like houston was very proud you know like thea is a great example because they gave her a show on abc that wasn't really thea you know what i mean it wasn't like it didn't really you know show who thea was at that time and they made her into like this family friendly loving mother uh well she is
Starting point is 01:08:17 a loving mother of course but she's just more crass and just more honest and up front and i think that's why that show did what it did she had too much too fast at that point but she's like by far still it's probably to this day i haven't seen her just stand up for a long time but she's a power she's unbelievable she's unbelievable and i remember dany telling me the story when she walked into the comedy showcase and she was like i'm funny put me on stage and dany's the type of dude was like oh yeah i'm fucking fine i'll put you on let's see what the fuck you got because he you know most people think is so easy they go up and they eat shit and he was like fine he put her on and she slayed she murdered the goddamn room the first time she ever went up on
Starting point is 01:08:57 stage ever he was like holy shit she's a superstar and dany was the kind of guy that would watch a comedian and most comedians would be like oh this person's not funny not very good and he would be like no he's gonna make it he's gonna give me time watch watch watch what no i don't even give me time it's like he's not my student or she's not my student and she's gonna she's got jenny uh what's her name uh jenna um it's her name she always had a notebook on stage uh my god she was just had a really successful acting career black hair what's her name jenna will come to me but she was like everybody like she was a hipster comedian before hipsters and all that shit happened and dany was like walked up to her like you're gonna be a big star and sure enough she freaking
Starting point is 01:09:42 became a very successful comedian and actress he just had that about him they would just like see guys and the people that would listen to him did very well mr on it if you really wanted it and you listen to dany you were gonna do something if uh no how old are you when we had this talk that i was like 23 wow yeah so that was 15 years ago i know well 14 years ago that was so major it's really weird that i'm really like i don't tell comics this but there's a lot of comics that when i see i feel warmth i feel very proud to have known them because they really inspired me and you're one of those guys like you there's like 20 guys that i still remember hanging out at the company club going like i'm thinking about doing comedy you're like okay yeah and then the next
Starting point is 01:10:40 time you go they're the mc right then the next time you go they're the feature act and the next thing you know they're opening for you or something you're like you know what he's doing a great job but it's it's amazing that they stayed in the game you know lucas rick ramos you see these kids and you know you've gained a lot of success there's people that are still struggling yeah they have no idea the amount of respect i give them because i don't know if i would equip my now yeah i know did you ever see quitting as an option like me i man i couldn't yeah no way after the first year i knew i had too much time invested i was already in yeah i was already here that's it this is a thing like look i was already putting it out there already said that i'm gonna get these but i'm gonna
Starting point is 01:11:28 get these things it's gonna happen you can't see it right now fine that's not your it's not your job to be able to visualize what i'm talking about what i what skill set i fucking have deep inside me and what i'm able to do you'll just see let me just keep sharpening this knife let me just keep getting tight let me just get right and get smarter you know get better more experience it's just like watch just watch just watch have any doubts of course i mean i freaking had times were just bawling and fucking in the back of uh of uh whatever i remember i i remember i was in japan and doing this tour and i was just reading the Quran i was just like having the spiritual moment with myself and i'm just like crying i was like please god tell me this is i did the
Starting point is 01:12:09 right thing please tell me please i know i feel it in my core these people are talking i hate hearing these voices please you know oh he's not gonna make it's a hard business what are you thinking you could be a great entrepreneur you're a smart bit you could be a smart businessman you could do this you could day so tell the things why are you wasting your time like no this is for the culture you understand i'm way ahead of the curve i know this please please let me both is right and then i hear the comic next door fucking just uh i was like ah jeez it made me laugh i was like that's i'll take that as a sign i'll take it i'll take that as a sign do you think that the hard work and the ethic you have is from the immigrant mentality and what you saw that's probably a big
Starting point is 01:12:50 part of it yeah it's definitely a big part of it it's like you got to work harder than everybody else i feel like you have to work harder than everybody else to me it's like it's like boxing hey man i got a match coming up this fucking i think he's working on a 3am i need to get up what am i doing sleeping i'm that kind of guy and i can't stop thinking anyways i think it's just something you're born with as well either you have it in you to to sit through it and and deal with all the bullshit and go through it or you don't you know it really is and you always feel like quitting i always i like oh man when i get to this number i'm gonna just fuck it i'm done you know 30 years that's it i'm gonna put it in let's get some shows on my belt five specials
Starting point is 01:13:27 gonna have goals in my head like this is what i want it's one when i accomplish boom when i hit this number but who the hell knows it's part of who we are like how can you not go up on stage i get low a little bit you know the lows are low where you're not on stage or you're not working or you're just not putting like what am i doing it's gonna find a way to channel the energy somewhere else maybe i don't know you know the thing that's crazy for me is for me i didn't i never want to let my friends down yeah i never want to let the people down that gave me 30 bucks to get to the next town exactly i didn't want to let the people down and let me crash in the house the people put antifreeze in my car absolutely man for me to make it to the next town like i always when i
Starting point is 01:14:08 always had doubts on comedy i didn't think about money or stardom or being poppy i didn't give a fuck about that i just didn't want to sell drugs i want to stop being a criminal but most importantly it was for all the people that did something for me to get to where i was exactly you know this morning i got up and i called one of my early the guys that took me on the road after three years you know and it wasn't the ideal road situation right right he didn't bring me on the road because of my comedy talent all right he brought me on the road because he never drove his license and sometimes he went you know and there i was with a car that was nice and clean and i would pick him up on time and he would make me stop at a liquor store and empty half the gatorade and i'd be driving and he'd
Starting point is 01:14:55 be preaching yeah you know i'd be driving and he'd be preaching that's it and then i get there in the first show he'd give me 20 minutes and and if i ate a bag of dicks the second show he'd go seven seven next time you're going to 20 when you're ready to fuck yeah absolutely i called him this morning yeah i don't know where because no matter what he's doing with his life i'm still representing him yeah absolutely i'm still he's still working i felt the same way when i did my special i put you know the people that meant to me that gave me that that were part of that story in the special as well like olivia erranton even carol and picard you know uh danie martinez donald i have them all in there like that's all part of my story and the people that i the thing that drove
Starting point is 01:15:36 me to not to quit is my mother like i have to do this there's no other option i'm too deep i can't get out of this seven years in ten years in like no i can't i just can't be the rest of my life i'll be thinking what if what did i do bell too early this and that i just can't do that i have to the driving force was like gotta get there gotta be successful have to support my mother have to support my family this is all i have in my head like the set said i can't i will till the wheels fall off that's the fucking raffi all the time all the time because raffi and i had a very interesting relationship there's a 10 year gap between us number one uh he was danie's like prized you know mentee right he went off and they're very successful and started popping off
Starting point is 01:16:23 and doing things and also this got to feel a different way when raffi comes in who's this young fucking kid you know what i mean what's he doing danie's mentoring this kid let me see there's all this like it's like a brotherly rivalry loving what rivalry that happened and i was always like hey what's going on let me learn from you kind of thing and he was like do i trust this kid do i not trust this kid kind of mentality and then next you know it grew like oh it became loving and he cared and he i remember he he gave me a ton of shit one time we're at that greek restaurant and i was hosting and i've been doing stand-up like professions for like a month and i'm wearing shorts and he's like what the fuck are you doing wearing shorts he just reamed me
Starting point is 01:16:59 i was like he's mean but i think he has a point you know like yeah he'll have a point so i didn't write out the gate and i'm so happy that all a lot of years went by and a lot of really great things and he always monitored where i was doing and he would send me love on twitter he would just send me messages and send me love so i was really really happy that when he was in houston and i happened to be in town at the same time i went and drove to see him i was like i have to see him because i had a dream uh that what that we didn't get to talk like properly talk and uh and and he passed away and i was very upset i was like i didn't get to speak with him i was like fuck this i don't know why i had that dream at that moment obviously you see
Starting point is 01:17:38 way things happen now i'm very grateful that i had the opportunity to go drive to the improv go talk to him i was like listen you know i was i was a kid i'm immature i hope you if there's anything he's like there's nothing what are you talking about i was like i just want to tell you that it means a lot to me to see you uh be successful and to have this and to work so hard to get to these accomplishments it means a lot because it tells me that it's very doable it gives you that's the same thing you did to me it gives me it gives me a lot of hope and uh and i appreciate that and it was all love and he was having a good time there's a smoke somewhere had some shrooms or whatever so the conversation lasted a good you know five seven minutes where it was like really
Starting point is 01:18:20 focused between us i gave him a hug gave me a hug saw Lana said hello made my like i just it was interesting to see what happened like how i had that dream and i was driven to go talk to him and then he passed away like a year and a half later cheers later it's really great i'm so thankful man i'm so thankful because that shit would have been in my heart forever i'd been like oh fuck had that dream i pushed it out don't go i didn't man up go have a great conversation with him like yo brother just one let you know that this means a lot to me the success i'm having now you're part of that success because you showed me with all kinds of hate and jealousy that happened around you if you popping off and all that stuff and i always remove i'm so grateful that most of
Starting point is 01:19:00 the time i remove myself from that and focused on my work because you gave me hope to do that so i thank you for that and i was very grateful i had that moment man it's huge that's huge no more your uh these relationships are everything to me you're a great fucking young man i i'm very proud of you i was very proud when i saw you i did not hesitate i'm putting on the podcast because i know what you've gone through and you're a real student of the game where can people find you uh you can find me a real moamer check out my special on netflix entitled the vagabond uh i'm very very proud of that it's like my life's work into that baby and the next one we're working on but uh real moamer on all platforms so where are you going to be in the next couple weeks i'm going to dc and be the
Starting point is 01:19:45 improv great city and i'm gonna be at the improv in miami i'm also going to i think new jersey and new brunswick after that yeah stress factory and then i'm doing uh i'm doing detroit there's several dates i'm doing detroit i'm doing cobs full tour i got the new hour it's all brand new materials so i'm touring that right now and then i'm filming the tv show in this uh this fall band season two of brami so i'm very very excited about that man fucking very proud of you proud of you too man i love you guys anytime you love you guys you're always welcome thank you brother do not forget i'm in new orleans at the film or theater next friday night and then saturday we're at the tabernacle motherfucking theater in atl i'm stopping by uh what's her name's chicken tabernacle is the best
Starting point is 01:20:31 by the way venues for that is fucking amazing i'm going over the gladdest nights oh yes some fucking chicken i'm staying online for a few minutes i love atlanta i love new orleans yes so i'll see you motherfuckers down there in a few weeks real quick here i just want to fucking give a shout out to the sponsors of life and i'll let you motherfuckers take off do not forget cbd lion no more buying cbd at a fucking liquor store from now on you go to cbd lion dot com and that's where you get the best cbd around they make cbd products from start to finish they have you covered it comes in the vapor it comes in cartridges it comes in the shatter and not only that if you're not into smoking they got tremendous gummies strawberry
Starting point is 01:21:19 orange and they got a fucking tincture you put under your tongue i get 2500 milligrams i put two of those shots under my tongue before i go to bed at night and next morning i'm in fucking movie tight class with a bunch of 20 year olders that's what it does for me these products are fucking clean bobby and they aren't like the fakes that you see at all these fucking liquor stores and fucking bullshit places this is what i'm talking about and cbd lion is what you've been waiting for if you have a doubt go to cbd lion dot com and check out the third party test results you're gonna fucking drool and right now the church family gets 20 percent at checkout when you press code church that cbd lion dot com pressing code church and i'm gonna give you 20 percent off
Starting point is 01:22:12 delivered right to your motherfucking house all right cbd lion dot com the best cbd out there in the market number two summer's coming and let me tell you something there's nothing better than taking a nice little morning shit okay a little cup of coffee this is by the way this is my favorite advertiser oh my god i own all that this is arabs and muslims is all we've been doing for since the beat like we wash our ass you don't fucking comprehend they don't understand we don't comprehend toilet paper regular people see a bottle of water arab sea potential you know what i mean i can use this fucking bottle of water to wash my ass because it's better than all the way regular paper if you don't have tushy in your life if you don't have tushy you're gonna be
Starting point is 01:22:52 fucking doomed that's how germs start that's how hemorrhoids start and that's how stink starts and you don't want to stink because wiping is gross would you clean dirty crusty dishes with dry paper what if a bird pooped on you toilet paper and wet wipes are ruining the fucking environment did you know the average person uses 57 sheets of toilet paper a fucking day you know how many trees they gotta kill for you to wipe your fucking stinky ass and it requires 37 dollars 37 gallons of water the bathroom is a modern day self-care oasis right now i can take care you understand me bidets are back wiping your butt with dry toilet paper don't remove all this shit thankfully there's this new sleek bidet attachment that clips onto
Starting point is 01:23:43 your existing toilet and it sprays your fucking muffler clean with fresh water it's called tushy and it's the best thing you could do for yourself and for your filthy little fucking asshole tushy sprays directly into your ass and removes poop and toilet paper and fucking cat hair completely so you aren't sitting on bacteria that leaves some nasty things like yeast infection, uti's and itchy assholes and then you gotta fucking scratch your ass and sniff your finger fuck that shit i agree and let's not talk about skid marks you nasty motherfucker i see you at the fucking gyms bidets are common in the rest of the world like my friend said over here a bidet saves your money on toilet paper and you still have little paper to pat dry but the
Starting point is 01:24:27 amount is negligible won't clog your fucking toilet and tushy sprays your ass with fresh fucking water not that toilet water that's recycled till she connects to the water supply behind your toilet to spray your dirty parts with clean fresh water it's the same water you brush your teeth with right now tushy's gonna give you 10% off your order they got a father's day bundle that includes a tushy bidet to upgrade your porcelain throne for a king they got bamboo bum towels made of 100% bamboo fibers and because they got tushy travel because dad's on the go probably got to fucking go so you give them anywhere they anywhere you need to be your ass oh clean tushy'll be their plus they're throwing in and ask me about my butthole t-shirt all right
Starting point is 01:25:14 you know you got a sense of humor when you wear one of these shirts from tushy all these bundled together are 125 hours but forget about that tushy start at 69 dollars and it'll change your life go to tushyhello tushy.com right now that's hello tushy press in church and get 10% off your motherfucking order i want to thank tushy i want to thank cbdline.com and i'm gonna give a quick shout out to roots of fights they always send me a nice shirt every month they send me something nice roots of fight and i never give them any love if you like it boxing wear sports wear go to roots of fight right now and look at the fine selection of t-shirts and whatnot that they have and that's it and that's that i want to thank my man more mere i want to thank the christ killer but
Starting point is 01:26:02 most importantly i want to thank you motherfuckers for always having my back that's it and that's that see you at the filmore new all-eens or see you at the fucking tabernacle and atlanta georgia besides that see you monday morning get ready a fucking rock-cock suckers have a great weekend i love you and stay black kick this fucking muley boom oh sand rains down in here i said holding you see
Starting point is 01:27:41 It's like a dream I just don't understand who they thought I was supposed to be Look at me now, a man who won't let himself be Down in a home, feeling so small Down in a home, losing my soul I'm going to fly But not a way to spend so long in hate Down in a home, and they put all the spells in their face
Starting point is 01:28:56 I've eaten the sun, so my tongue has been burned off the taste I have been guilty of killing myself in the teeth I will speak no more of the feelings within Down in a home, feeling so small Down in a home, losing my soul I'm going to fly But not a way to spend so long in hate There in this whole thing
Starting point is 01:30:09 Is what I want to be inside of you I give this part of the things I want to be Oh, I want to be inside of you Stand and pray down in here, I said Oh, I want to be inside of you Oh, I want to be inside Down in a home, feeling so small Down in a home, losing my soul
Starting point is 01:31:03 Down in a home, feeling so small Down in a home, having control But not a way to spend so long in hate Down in a home

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