Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #689 - Cory n Chad The Smash Brothers
Episode Date: June 3, 2019Cory n Chad, are identical twin brothers and stand up comedians known as The Smash Brothers. You have seen them on Showtime and Fox. Today they join Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podc...ast is brought to you by: MyBookie.com - Use code promo Church to get up to a 50% match on your first deposit up to $1,000. Manscaped - Get 20% off your first order and a travel bag if you purchase “The Perfect Package” at manscaped.com and use the code CHURCH ForHims- Go to ForHims.com/church to get your first month for just $5.
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Greetings from podcastville. It's Monday the third of motherfucking June the renters do cocksuckers
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Kick this motherfucking meal. It's Monday morning cocksuckers. Oh shit a little BMX for you
Whether you're black or not start jumping. Oh
shit
It's gay pride month
Suck a dick
That's how rock riders roll what
Monday cocksuckers the third of June the rent is due. Don't just sit there and look at your fucking
computer
My killer's moving silence like you don't know
What the F you're gonna do turn that shit off I want the version with fucking niggas
I want everything you understand me. They're trying to fucking edit me to forget about it now
Welcome to the church. What's happening now you bad motherfuckers in house. I got quarry and Chad
Aka the BAM brothers aka many fucking aka's. I got the Christ killer the spokesman for Auschwitz and your uncle Joe is here
Throwing motherfucking heat if you're gay
LBGT community happy fucking pride month
Go out there put a wig on suck a dick be free. Who are we to stop you? I'm saying who gives a shit
Fuck Alabama. You don't need the boys in anyway. Just suck that helmet motherfuckers
What's going on with the best brothers talk to me mad on the road on the road doing good
Actually living the dream lately doing real good life's been good
That's it man. It's got back from the south and we're happy to be here with you, bro
I was the south it was great probably wise good Nashville. We did Zaini's
Always a good town to do that in and then we did south Arkansas and
Looney been the comedy clubs, but Nashville is always a good club. We like one in Nashville Zaini's is a good club
Country music hot chicken Chad was shitting blood for a week after we
Never eat that shit again. What the hot chick? Yeah, they dip it in fucking lava. Yeah, I literally
Shit blood for this is some chicken that you taste and you go this chicken does not need to be this hot
Yeah, the place they deliver from yeah, the place that Zaini's gets it. They're a great club
Yeah, and the best chicken in town bring comes in on Saturday and brings you chicken with I forget the name with baddies
Haddie haddie bees
Well, they have chicken that it's spicy, but it's it's it's I want the taste of the chicken
You know they roast it just right. Yeah, you feel the juices in there
They took me to a place where the chicken was just unedible when it's unedible
I don't need that much fucking spice when I did hot wings. They had the first seven
Spices were fucking delicious. They really were great different dipping sauces
The eighth one was delicious, but it just blows your fucking mind off
You know what man? That's fun when you're 18 when you're 28
You can't you can feel the blood pressure going up fucking the back of your head feels like you're gonna fucking die
You know, I used to have a cat that would always eat ice cream. Oh, yeah brain freezes in the middle
He just looked at me like his eyes are rolling
Then he'd come back to life like nothing happened. He'd start me out for more fucking ice cream
I dated a chick like that was she would fucking sweet seizure out, but it was fun. She would wiggle during sex and shit
And you're still out there plugging it regardless of what no matter I told you guys two years ago
It's a different animal out there. You know you guys being R rated how did the South feel?
It was good because we didn't have to hold it
You know, even though we were a little worried about being so dirty in the Bible built
But actually the dirtier we got the crazier they got and we it was great
We didn't even have to hold back at all and the clubs told us our alcohol sales were the highest all year
So that tells you one thing. It's good for the club
People want to go out let loose and hear some crazy shit and he said our their alcohol sales were three times
What any other headliner they had so fuck it. We'll take it when you guys
Go on the road and did anybody warn you about the Bible built and say yeah, it's a different animal
How did you feel about it? Yeah, well, we that's what messed our heads up. We listened to everybody
Everyone told us yeah, you guys better tone it down because they've been seeing our newer shit
Yeah, we're dirty, but I don't think it's the material we have now is as dirty
But we were warned and and it was it was the polar opposite
But I think the times have changed like when we were down there people
People were just ecstatic to have live comedy in in Little Rock, Arkansas
They were just happy and the acts I don't know about the previous acts
But we came in strong with high energy and they appreciated it. I
went to the tour the Bible Belt of 98 and I
Listened to what they said and took it to heart
And I fell between the fucking you know, I bombed everywhere. Yeah every room. I went to
Clark, Tennessee. I would start off strong. I
Would start off strong. I mean the first 13 12 just phenomenal and then I'd lose them
And then there was no coming back and I got discouraged. I ain't a bag of Dixon Atlanta at that club
I had a bag of Dixon Charlotte, you know in the late 90s creative had all their runs with a Bible Belt
I did the little Little Rock had an improv, you know, you know
The guys from Miami robbed
The Miami improv the bartender and the manager got fired and then they decided to open up an improv
The guy was calling me till about a year and a half ago one of those guys that's a he turned cop now
He's a comic he went from being a photographer a bartender an actor
He was working at a comedy club and some comic came in and told me he was funny
And he would call me and do challenge me like how long you've been doing comedy?
I'm gonna bust through in like two years now. We just stay on the phone and go
Whatever, but he opened up a club in Little Rock. That was just huge
That's where Ralphie broke the bed at the hotel
And they had a Hindu owner of the hotel and they you know, they did, you know, Little Rock in
99-2000 was not
Like the president come from there that that was it
But the hotel close to that they put Ralphie in was one of those Motel 6's plus
Hmm, and they put them in the only way they could pay Ralphie at that time
Was by putting them in the penthouse of the hotel, which was no bargain to nobody
Yeah, it was like on the third floor and it was like a bigger room and the first day he went in there
He broke the fucking box springs like when they first he opened the club where he was the second act
So every time you went in there think the owner of the hotel was the Hindu guy
He would come out and look at you that that guy came, you know, yeah, he came two weeks ago
Big guy broke bed
Ralphie never told me so I had to find out on the road. Yeah. Yeah, and that's the best time to call Ralph and go out for you
Little Rock. Yeah, I killed. Yeah, I got a standing on made out with three chicks because before he met Lana
That was his always his thing. Yeah, how did it go? Oh, I fucking got a standing ovation
I made out with two girls. What made out with two girls who made out with two
Pussy grabbed their titties. Yeah, he always made out with two girls
Before a lot of when you I would call him and go hide this show go hold on
You got a standing ovation and you made out with two girls. Fuck you. Coco. Yeah, I go
So you were you in Little Rock and he's like, yeah, yeah, why I killed that club. I
Killed it. I said, how about the hotel room? Did you kill that fucking bet?
Fuck you. Yeah, I didn't bet the baby was broken when I checked in
That's what the guy didn't tell you shit. The bed was broken. No, Ralphie. I I almost broke the bed
The beds made out of bamboo
He broke a bed at Treasure Island and we had to go collect all the Bibles from all of our rooms
And we made like a kickstand underneath the bed right under Ralphie's bed when we checked out. Oh, you didn't know
Yeah, we stole all the Bible. I left it. Yeah, he's all just make my bed. Don't ever know
Yeah, he's come on. He's all let's smoke one to figure out how we can fix this bed
And I go we don't need to smoke one with this go get all the Bibles, baby
We'll fucking we'll jack this bed up put four Bibles there. We're out. Let's go
He snapped it. What's crazy to me that you're telling me is that we're living in a time right now
We're in it. It's a PC culture on paper
Because this is what I'm finding out
It's a PC culture for those who want to choose that culture, right?
There's still tons of people left like guys like us. Yeah, that speak from the heart
We say shit. That's a little off-color from time to time
We may throw a racial slur in there whatever to give it some flavor, right, you know and
People take the ride. They know it's 45 minutes. They know it listen. I want to see John Wick
John Wick is not gonna win an Academy Award. He killed 2,000 people in two hours. You walked out of there
You don't remember a thing. I don't remember nothing about John Wick 3
I just know he killed a lot of motherfuckers. There was a couple of life scenes and shit like that
That's what stand-up comedy is when you go see a R rated comic
It's 45 minutes of whatever now. It's the 45 minutes you choose to give
Because have you ever sat through 30 minutes of pussy jokes? Oh, yeah, you want to shoot yourself?
Yeah, you know 10 minutes of cock-sucking jokes
You want to shoot yourself so if you sprinkle it around and you're dirty and you're you add some wit to it
Something that happened in your life. It's not a bad 40. You know Red Fox did it great
If you listen to Red Fox either now or that shit did it just
Fine, you know, so guys like you and I have a market, but right now out of all the times going through America
I would think that the Bible Belt was rough on you guys
It was rough, but I noticed the clubs were even Zany's who we performed for the Dorfins for years
They had us listed as triple R rated
Triple R rated, which is the first time for us and so we laughed and matter of fact
I took the poster from the club because it said triple R rated like fucking across the whole son of a bitch
And I go I gotta frame that thing and hang it up in the garage because triple R rated
But I think that the clubs are just trying to cover themselves by putting out this disclaimer
But it also keeps people away who may
Be too salty and can't handle real life shit, you know, so and we weren't worried about any me too shit
We we we shot from the holsters
We didn't even pull our fucking pistols out when we were in Nashville or Little Rock and especially Clarksville
Those fucking people were riding emus and fucking donkeys and tying them up out front, you know to the to the stable
I mean we we performed in some towns
Purposely we performed in towns where there's no alcohol, you know, they were so religious and so many
Churches, it was a dry. You couldn't go buy a tall can of beer 30 miles for 30 miles. There was only one dry count
Yeah, dry count. We didn't even know this existed here in Hollywood
We could go get a tall can of some heroin in 650
Yeah, you know, but when we went there there was no CBD
Yeah, but there's no alcohol the only place that alcohol was where we performed and before we got there people were hammered
We knew when we walked in we were signing asses the minute we walked in there's pictures on our Facebook
People go look at this we were signing asses five minutes when we walked in like they thought rock stars were there
I'm like they haven't even seen us yet. They were just there to have a good fucking time
So those are the people that wanted to spend their money worked hard all week, you know, they're farmers
They you know, there are people that do hard work. These aren't people that just sitting in office
They don't even have a fucking Starbucks. They work for Netflix. Yeah, there's none of that shit
Yeah, these are people that are digging holes there. They're hard-working folks Walmart and Tyson chicken
I guess Tyson's plants there and so Tyson's a big employer there and so is Walmart
Distribution or whatever so but they're hard-working people. They were just there to have a good fucking time
We we we feel them out in the first five minutes and we're not all about sex
But we just say there's no one that does that what we do, you know
But we just tell stories about our childhood that people love to hear, you know
Well, it's getting arrested at ten years old
You know all this shit for we got arrested at ten for three felony count extortion at ten
I mean, that's a pretty good fucking lick at ten years old for prank phone calls. Yeah
You know, we almost got away with ten fucking thousand
We had it and then our friend. Hey, it was his turn to go in so he took the fucking hit for us
You know, that's what I'm saying if we grow up with you Lee you just now we get out of fucking prison
Yeah, for sure, but but the the Bible Belt loved it, you know, we were worried ever, you know
Comics were telling us shit at the store and we went down there, but we just did what we do and it was fun
How long were you guys gone for that was a ten day run and then the next one is coming up in Florida
We're doing Florida for ten days and then we're doing New Mexico and northern California try to do because he has he has two
Dollars, we try to do ten fourteen days home for a week
Then we just do LA gigs, you know, whatever and then we go for two weeks that way. He's a part of his kids life
You know, so that's important. I don't have kids. I don't give a fuck. You go out there for six months
I don't care. I live I don't give a fuck. I love close home. I don't even care
That's why him and I fight sometimes because he wants to go make that money and I'm turning down a gig
But I can't miss the such-and-such dance or the you know, my two little girls are expecting me to be there and Chad's always making fun of me
I paint nails braid hair. I'm a bad motherfucker. You know, I get after it, you know, but when you have a daughter, it's
You see it like last night for the first time
She came up to me as I was leaving and she wrapped around my leg and said I don't want you to go
And I had to talk to her like for a couple fucking minutes and this morning
I got up before she did and I went in my office. I got my cup of coffee. My wife woke up
I talked to her for a few minutes. I went back in the office. I went to the fucking outside
To hit the bunk and when I came back in my room to the back door, she was on the floor playing with the cat
What's going on? What's going on? She's like, no one hang out with you. So I
Watched YouTube with and then I went out to get another cup of coffee
My wife goes she woke up and she asked if you were awake. What's going on?
She's working me in today as I was leaving. She goes, let me carry the bag to the door for you
So I looked at it as I was leaving. I go, listen, I don't know what you're working me for
I don't know how much this is going to cost me, but whatever it is. It's worth it
Doing a great job
Love all that but yet the same stuff that you've experienced same with me and I got a two-year-old and eight-year-old
So I missed a lot the first time around because Ralph he had us out like Chad was talking about we there
We were just excited and ecstatic that somebody was giving us that opportunity to be gone for six fucking months and literally not
Come home like if we did come home
It was just for a day or two because Ralph was working Wednesday to Sunday somewhere. So you had Monday Tuesday
But we sacrificed a lot during those times so now that things have changed over the past two years now
We're doing it to where we're two weeks out two weeks home and sometimes we do three weeks
But I'd rather be home those two weeks and I'm the room dad
I go to second grade and give every kid fucking dirty looks like I'll fucking kill every kid here if you fuck with my daughter
It gives you a balance. Yeah, it gives you a I'm balanced right now
Yeah, I do a little writing you work out a little bit you do a podcast you go to the store
You go to a fucking the martial arts class with your daughter
You go to Menchie's I went to a recital today at 1230 at the church, right?
You know, there's always something to do do I wish that I
Could go on the road like a renegade for a
Two-month tour. I would love something like that now
It sucks to take a plane and come back and take that plane and come back. It really does and
Because I shot that movie. I was gone for 18 days
It was a little too long from what I expected, but
When the movie comes out next September, I'm gonna do a Wednesday through the next week tour
Do like nothing shows in 10 days and come back and rest for 10 days, right go back out. Sure
Do 10 days because those plane tickets are getting expensive. Oh, man. You just got a bang out as many gigs
In between those plane tickets if not, you know when you figure that plane ticket out and figure it out in your payments for every night
You're like, okay, the plane ticket cost me $28 a night for me to do it. That's crazy. You said that's exactly what we do
That's how you have to think about it. You're a CEO of a business
Yep, there comes a time in comedy where the open mic and that one level is done
There's that one medium level that you're you stay in it's a limbo. It's a comedy limbo
You're featuring for people you're getting paid. Well, you're doing a good job
But you're also headlining some gigs and some people are telling you to your face
You can't work my club till you get a credit and other people's enjoy that you sell tickets
And you know, it's a lower-end club or whatever, right? So you're going back and forth
You need that one thing to push you over the cliff
You need that just that one thing to push you over the cliff and we sit there and wait and then you go wait a second
There's only one person who pushed me over the cliff. It's me if I want to take the jump
So how do I get to that next level and that's what you guys are starting right now, right?
Yeah, book me for one night and let me prove my worth
Give me 70% of the doll whatever the fuck you want to give me and let me come into your room
Some nights you're gonna take a bump. Yeah, some nights you're gonna take a hit
But if you go out eight nights six out eight nights, you're gonna do well. That's four fucking winners
Yeah, you know your balance that out, you know, you sell some t-shirts and you know, three of the clubs will ask you back
Three of them will next time
Now and you expected that right as long as you know in going statistics
Life is numbers, you know when that movie came out with Brad Pitt and
The kid who was picking baseball. Oh, yeah, I couldn't figure out. It's the same money ball. Yeah, it's the same for comedy
You know, you want to become an MC. You had to do 1200 sets
And then after you you do 1200 sets. That's why you write down your sets. That's 300 sets a month
Times 10, you know, whatever you you're in the fucking game, right? And then to become a feature is another
8,000 fucking sets. That's three years of fucking, you know, you're a blue belt in jiu-jitsu
You're a blue belt in jiu-jitsu, right now
You start headlining at the brown belt and black belt level you've got all this experience on the about but you're a funny guy
But now you gotta you gotta learn how to monetize that. That's what you said exactly where we figured it out to the rental car
To the gas we know exactly how you said 28 just off the top for us. It's two flights two round trip flights
Oregon paid as whatever one headliner gets we're splitting it. So there's just like you said
We have to do those eight days like that because we're already losing money on the first four nights
Then we start making the money and we haven't figured out exactly like we know how many people are there
We can look out and go. We know exactly how much we wait
We don't even need to talk to the guy at the end of the night
We already know like we have it down to a science like you just said and at first we didn't do that
I'll be totally honest. We were just there. We get our free wings and our bullshit. Nobody's there for that
But now we know now we know we have to fucking sell seats. There's a there's a transition between art and business
And we dread it. It's the dreaded part of the business
When you have to start making money, it's the dreaded part of the business you put in your time
You booked a couple things you've worked with some pretty heavy headliners. You already know your way around
Your level goes up a little bit not a lot. I still remember living in LA
And getting 600 a week to do new years
Like sarah and I didn't give me an extra fucking dime for new years, you know
And I knew she had an extra 10 000 a fucking budget, right? But you're just happy to work. Yeah, she gave you two weeks of the shot
That's 1200
You didn't have to go no way enough to pay for a hotel room. You can steal food from the club and alcohol
Yeah, you know you you have it all down you have it all down
1200 I could send three away threes for a plane ticket. Yeah
I still walk with the you know, it's it's uh, it's a numbers game real quick in your head
It's got to be quick in your head because they tell you you're right there on the spot. You're like, uh
Boom
It's gonna work out. I'll make it work. Yeah, we'll sell shirts. We always say we'll sell merch and what kills you now
Is the flights? Yeah, see 10 years ago. It was 200 to go anywhere. Yeah, like I still remember going
50 yards before you go to
departing flights
it's a it's a uh
Jersey mikes now right on century boulevard
If you're on a century before you go on departing flights, look to your right. You'll see
Jersey mikes that whole area in there was called
quick ticks quick picks
You call them they got you the ticket and you had to stop there take a number and wait for them to call your number
You pay them 200 and they sent you anywhere in the country. That's when I used to catch fall outs
I was a beginning
Feature headliner and you know, they call you tuesday. You got to be there wednesday morning. Right. They call you tuesday at two
That's a thousand dollar ticket anyway, but if you call them
They put you on a flight for 200 180. You didn't get no points. It was the back of the flight. You had to connect 18 times
You know, you were on southwest light. Ah, you had to start an LA go up to san francisco pick up three chinese guys
Stop in vegas drop them off go to tempi go back to new mexico shoot the texas
Pick up some savages there drop them off
You might as well go to new orleans cotrinage is it? Yeah, and then you got to go to west palm
But they take it to miami first
Yeah, then to pick up the sound and then go up to west palm right
You're i remember being on a plane one time that left miami at ten in the morning and I got the
Vegas at midnight my luggage was drenched
Like it had been through hell. We had four stops
Oh, southwest
Like miami or jacksonville jacksonville new orleans new orleans to houston houston vegas. Oh
They quit doing those red eyes. We used to take one out of burbank southwest used to do these red eyes
You leave at 1045 then you get to atlanta or something and then you take one more like we're going to florida and we finally
You know the the airlines just aren't doing those late night
Overnights anymore for cheap. You'd get a here to atlanta for 300 250 bucks not anymore
Yeah, that's for us to go to we're doing west palm in july
We paid 1400 in round trip flights 700 each so you know what that's the back of the plane
Yeah, oh, yeah, we're not even sitting together. We're not even southwest. I have
Middle seat delta and he does too. We're 230 pounds. It's not going to be a good time
You know, but we're just happy to have the gig
Eat yeah, yeah
That's no rental car our rental car is 400
So we're 2100 in the hole before we even do one gig there. So you know what I'm saying?
So it's like fuck
So we don't give a shit. I'm gonna we're both fucking single. We're on the road. It's gonna be a good time
My wife is going national with the baby. I put her ass on southwest. Yeah
What they want? I don't even want to repeat what american airlines wanted for a coach seat
In the one behind first class what gives you more like
Yeah with the baby or whatever
I don't even want to tell you what that ticket was to nashville. Wow
And for that one ticket my wife got three tickets on southwest
Direct flight out of burbank
Burbank not going burbank just started going to nashville
houston
And somewhere else direct
Holy shit direct is important. I hate to take southwest is great for two hours
I have no qualms with southwest. I'm a rapid reward. Let's test their fucking always on time their money
Five hours southwest. You but I have a fucking chiropractor
Doctor waiting for you to untwist your spine
Because you can't even fit put your computer your ipad
You got to bring your own food because those peanuts you don't fucking kill you. There's no food not even an apple
It's a long I made the mistake one time. They have a direct life from here to pittsburgh. Oh, yeah
I think I took a connector one time to save a few hundred to go to buffalo. Oh my god
That was the longest fucking day of my life on connecting flight six hours on southwest
Which is now nine
Oh, and you're walking through chicago airport for two hours. Yeah, it's huge friend. Yeah, you have no fucking
It's a workout. I consider it fly day now workout
We'll do a lot of work out there. Yeah, usually when I look at my speedometer weight watch as I've walked 12 points
I got to walk to hollywood back to sherman oaks to get 12 fucking points
And I get them when I fly I'm like, Jesus Christ. You get to the hotel room and then you're like, I'm fucking wiped
Yep, like your body is fucking wiped out and people don't get it like, oh, yeah
Come meet us at the bar. Go fuck yourself. Yeah, I've just been on a six hour fucking flight sitting there
Breathing fucking this air from 19 different arab countries and god knows what else. Yeah, bird flu
It's fucking horrible. Oh, you know
We're in Vegas when they put you in the back of the hotel. What do you mean?
Like your room is usually like a way at the end of the hole. Oh, yeah
Yeah, I hate that shit too. And you got to fucking walk two miles to get a cup of coffee
You got to go down and get everything you need that one shot rolling papers
Everything smoke a joint cookies fucking
I don't mind the what I don't mind any of that shit. It's all part of the game, you know
That hole when when I get on a plane
I get a little bit anxiety when I'm taking a shower to go on the road. I'm going to leave my family
I'm about to leave the girls
Once that uber comes guys
It's game face. Yeah, it's game face. It's business. I'm lax. I'm all business my heads up. It's on the swivel
I'm looking for ices. I get through my fucking clear. I get through there. I give it enough time now, you know
15 years ago, I would miss more flights than anybody because I would challenge the system
We got to be there at one. Fuck this. I'll sneak on. You're not going to sneak on
They're not going to let you on they're not going to fucking play with you
They don't fuck with you no more now. You got to wait there and stand in the line. They don't care about excuses
And I started getting there two hours earlier. I got a fly next week five o'clock in the afternoon
I'll be there at 3 30. Oh, yeah
Why not?
We we messed around a couple weeks ago and and tsa caught us up and they
pulled my brother to the side and they asked him if
Has he handled explosives and I was kidding. Okay. I don't know why
But she says have you handled explosives today and I go just this dick
Let me tell you what happened. They fucking stripped me to my underwear in another room
And I had to show the guy I had nothing
They put these little swabs on your hands put them in a fucking machine
And I said I would never ever ever joke again. I was totally listen. You work part of your job is flying
Yeah, and driving that means you can't drink and drive. No and do not
Raise your voice and you know Ralphie may was banned from delta. Yeah. Yeah for lifetime banned from delta for kicking the counter
Because Ralphie got there a half hour before the flight and he thought he was Ralphie may and hot shit
That they were gonna let him on the fly and he had any lost money. Yeah, he had to cancel the show
He kicked the fucking thing. They scored him out. They called the cops
It's not when it comes to flying shot your fucking mouth. Yep. I learned my lesson. I apologize to nothing to them
Nothing. I am prepared. I fly with sweats on. Yep with a fucking t-shirt. I'm prepared. I don't want to take off a belt
Nothing. I got nice socks on. I have the anti-fungal in my shoe
I have a bag in the fucking sleep apnea bag with everything. I wipe down the counter. I fly professionally
I don't even talk to the guy sitting next to me. We don't either. I don't start a conversation with nobody
I got earphones on I look straight ahead
And I have had tons of problems at airport. Tom Segoury. We were talking about that a few weeks ago
I used to have tons of problems at airports that today
They will not tolerate. Yeah today's market in an airport. They will throw you out of there quickly and shit
Oh, yeah, same with being drunk. We really don't drink too much
But uh, you know, you see people getting shitty in those bars. They'll turn you away too. They don't want to deal with your
Do they really? Yeah, we this lady tried to get on and her she drank so much wine her uh, her lips were fucking purple
So much fucking wine looks like she's been sucking off a hundred right now
Her lips purple and she's saying she's not drunk and I'm like you're holding up the fucking line
Like hurry the fuck up. They write off the plane
They she they did not let her board the plane because I think they're worried about them going fucking crazy in the air
You know, how long have you guys been doing comedy for now?
Uh, 16 years. It was this April. Yeah
How does it feel to be starting kind of over again on your own? Yeah, well, it humbled us actually like
It I guess humble
It no it humbled it knocked us down a bunch of pegs to where when we didn't have anything on the books for like
Seven eight months like literally I mean we had our show in Ontario
But that we mean weekend work and then it was tough because like trying to call clubs and like we just struggled
So for six months ten months after Ralph he passed maybe a little a year maybe it was we're just now
Picking up work and it feels like we're okay, but that first six months ten months a year
Well, I had to get a job as a fucking bouncer at a bar. I mean I haven't had a I haven't had a day job since 2006
And about a year and a half go I had to get a job as a bouncer at a bar
I mean that was so humbling to go from making money every weekend to checking fucking ID and getting recognized like
Didn't I see you on Showtime with dice clay and I'm like, yeah, give me your ID, motherfucker
Yeah, you know what I mean it humbled me
But all they did really for us is make us hungrier come up with more material and don't stop because I didn't we didn't waste 16 years of our
Fucking life everybody waits for the blue brother happiness to kick the door down and take you up a level
That's never gonna happen
Unless you kick the level up yourself. I knew as a young comic. I had seen something when I first started
I had seen comics that come out here and there's nothing wrong with what I'm about to say
They latch onto a headliner and they think their problems are saved
it's a godsend
and uh
Paying the ass at the same time. Yeah, it's good and bad because you have to learn how to treat it
I don't ever want to call you and you're like, hold on. I'm ready for the dates
That makes me look like you're not doing the work
Right
I want to call you and for me to go I got three weeks for you for you to go
I could take two of those weeks to one week. I'm a mississippi now you've
Gained my respect right now you've gained my re you're like, oh
Okay, it's that type of fucking party. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, and I told this to Martin Moreno
Five years before the
The thing right there was somebody else. I told this two years ago and they then listened to me that
I want you to find different people to take you on the road like I take different people on the road
I don't have one guy. I take different people. I keep my eyes open. I'm watching on facebook
I'm watching who's tweeting. I'm watching who's taking pictures at some shitty fucking comedy club and elco nevada
You know, I know what it takes to get to elco. You can't fly first class to elco
There's only one way to get there. You're fucking little fucking minivan. Yeah, you know, I'm watching
I know the people around me. I have friends that actually are struggling to pay rent because they took that chance
They said no more day job
We're gonna commit our lives to fucking comedy that requires a certain type of respect
It requires a certain billy goat stomach because
Fuck on the first everybody's equal today. You mean you're all equal. We're all equal
Right, we got a whole month to cover and I always say that on the first we're all equal
Right. Nobody's got a dime in the bank. You start from scratch. That's it
and it's weird when
You have the week of the tenth book and the week of the 18th
So you got your car payment and you got your student loan and groceries
But that week of the 28th is looking kind of bleak
And you don't panic. You don't rob a gas station
You you really don't because I've lived through it
I could tell you a thousand times
We're on the 25th
You have no idea
How you're gonna pay rent and it's due on the first but you really got to the fifth
The rent is due on the first yeah, but motherfuckers to the struggling
Ain't got a problem with paying you rent on the fifth. Yeah, and we'll give it to you at 8 a.m
On the fifth. That's when they're on the fifth, but you're never gonna get it from us on a Saturday
We'll walk it in before that
We'll walk it in but so I've been in positions and we all have yeah, well, you're sitting there and
Man, you're not suicidal. You're just like I'm gonna have to call my uncle borrow 800. Yep
You know, I don't know how I'm gonna do this. I could borrow two from Lee
So I have to borrow the whole eighth of my brother right I could borrow six
And that's what's needed to pay the rent
And that's what we did we got in the trenches and we started booking and we took a bunch of one-niners
We kept our regular weekends that we had which we had when Ralphie was alive
You know six seven eight weekends three four day runs
But we picked up a lot of one-nighters and and it worked out for us at first
We were like, you know what we may not make money
But it was like like you said just going in there doing the one-nighter
If we got five one-nighters at five different clubs if we get three callbacks out of the five
And get a weekend out of that then to us it was worth fucking losing 300 bucks because of the connection for 2020
We're worried about 2020 right now. Yeah, but if this really you're working for the next one
We really are you right? I mean we literally left the dirty show at Ontario 10 o'clock at night
Flikes were too much. We drove 22 hours straight to Richland
Washington to play jokers club. We drove through the sierras in a fucking snowstorm
With no sleeping. We just both stayed awake the whole time to save money on the flight
But the point is we did it just to get that weekend to keep the weekend
So we'd get another weekend for 2020. That's how we're we're visiting now. Whatever we got to do to make sure next year
We made more money than we did this year. That's all we give a shit about like we'll do whatever it takes
20 because I'm lining up 2020. Yeah, you know, like I'm lining it up in my mind. I got a movie coming out in september
Where do I want to go before that? Where do I want to go after that? Right? What else comes out?
What can I put around that to make that explosion bigger? Right? This is all planning like yeah, it's 2019
But I'm thinking about when that's a part of movie comes out. What can I sprinkle around it? Do I come out with a book?
Do I come out with a documentary slash?
Stand-up type thing, you know, the special thing has really gone away
If you make a special now with a fucking camera from a comedy club and put it on youtube
You're still gonna get tons of love right the fact you got you might get might love you might get more love and respect, you know
Yeah
It's so funny how things have changed that you could create your own hype now
You don't need mbc to create your hype a montreal could create your hype
I admire you guys because
You didn't give up, you know, I see you pounding that fucking ontario show like motherfuckers. Yeah, and uh
this is
It's it's a lesson that you learned. I know that
You I knew you guys would make it through after I spoke to you. I saw the change in your social media
Yeah, yeah, and how you were approaching things and it's just it's an approach and not giving up not giving up to the enemy
Hey, man, I had tons of fucking dry storms
You have it's peaks and valleys anybody who knows anything about life
It's peaks and valleys and it's how to deal with it when you're in the valley, right?
The peaks will come depending and everybody goes to the valley at one time
And you gotta look at yourself in the mirror and go I could take the easy route
and end up back here
I could take the easy route and end up back here
I could get a little fucking something for a few months, but I'm gonna end up here. Let me take the hard route
Get it over with
And I'll never be in this fucking position again. That's word for fucking word what we're doing right now
Like we're we're we're we're taking gigs that we we haven't done in years
But we're for for two reasons we're writing material
We've been in a writing material phase for the past six eight months where we're not doing the same set
Even when we were on tour we purposely were trying to do two different 45 minute sets because we're out of that
90 minutes will probably have a 45 minutes 40 minutes
You know I mean so we're weeding stuff out and we weren't worried about it in the bible belt because fuck some of these people
Don't even have internet or tv and they told us this is their first live show
They've ever seen like these are people that had one stoplight in their fucking town
So they were just excited. There was an entertaining show in our fucking town tonight like it was amazing
So we didn't care about on our side. Hey, we're gonna throw shit out there. They're just happy to be here
So it worked out for us. It was like the greatest gym
We could ever go to and we booked the whole tour like that places that the comedy club wouldn't book us
We looked up the biggest rock venue the biggest
Country it was a lot of country saloons
So we're going through alabama later in september october in towns where probably comedy's not done
But we're going in there and ticket sales are medium right now, but we'll punch it up before the
September the summer's not even here nobody's even thinking about September go shoot yourself. Yeah, yeah
We're thinking about fucking june and getting your dick. That's right. Yeah
Going to the beach jumping up and down nobody's worried about September right now, especially right now
Yeah, let's go coming out. Yeah kids don't even want to hear the words
No, but we're been multi multitasking like that and it's been good and and uh, it made us hungrier
You know after we had our little hangout with you and you inspired us and chat
And I just sat down for literally a week and just wrote down notes and notes. What can we do to attack 2019?
We did we attack 2019
We got about 25 cities that were hitting this year
And but we also did something different that no comic that we know has ever done we started thinking how can we make money?
Without performing
So we went to a local brewery where we live and we came out with our own
IPA all these new beers. It's a big popular thing
We have our and the name of our tour is the two-headed monster tour. So we this guy created our own beer
It's bottled called the two-headed monster IPA. It sold at ontario improv brea improv and we and we're selling beer
We're not even fucking there our picture is on the fucking tables and we're not even fucking there
Like no one else thought of that shit. We beat you to the punch. Yeah, we got we stick them up kid. We're here first
So that's what we're doing and and and we're selling our own beer the video comes down and it's a commercial of us
I mean, that's fucking great and no one else was doing it. So that's why we sold ourselves
We got to do something different. No one wants to give us a chance since no nobody's gonna get you up to a
We're taking it. You have to assume in this life that nobody's gonna give you. Yeah
You have to assume you have to go. You know what people gonna throw shade on me
You know dan from brea was great to me mitzy short. Yeah
Jan from the ice house the other guy from the ice house bob, right? They were good to me
everybody else was
According to your credits and I know who those people are and today I treat them a certain way and if they want to give me money
I'll take it. I'm not going to be a hypocrite. It's forgotten about but I know who you know who's there in the beginning
it's weird because
When I went home I sat across from people a couple nights at different dinners
And while I was eating dinner with them, I looked at them and I go these people were my friend before
I ever sold the ticket
These people were my friends before I even thought about comedy these people were my friends when
They were getting abused for being my friends
Like they were getting abused for fucking hanging out with a junkie who just robbed their friend's house and all this shit
And it made me think of a story I told on one of the
Ari shows about my mother had a friend as a writer and they were always tight
for years and
My mother had a couple different friends. I didn't you know, I paid attention to him
I like I liked her because she always gave me 50 bucks and
You know and she always did coke in front of me and I like that as a kid
She did coke anywhere church in a restaurant and a hotel on the beach
She would just do a blast just to see get a reaction on it and you don't be like and I would just like what the fuck
Yeah, but she really came through
My mother's last two years on this planet
My mother was struggling and now she started she was a drug dealer in Manhattan
She had her own little spot in Spanish Harlem and she made millions and she started coming over to Jersey at night
I didn't really know what was going on. They weren't lesbians or nothing
But they were just dear friends
She was sleeping on the couch and they would go to the track together and then one day my mother died
And you know in reality, my mother had a brother my mother had an ex-husband
She was the first person I called and she came over and set up the funeral
We went and identified the body together and
She picked out a dress for her and then
It was her against my stepdad and she knew my stepdad had shot people had been a criminal
She didn't give a fuck. She took control of the wake. She started throwing people out of the wake
She choked the fucking funeral director for putting the wrong dress on my mother off
I mean, it was fucking classic
But then she did something that went the ordinary
She made a promise at the wake that she would take care of me
And I was like, you know, this is why
That my mother's wake taught me a lot about life. That's why you never see me at
Funerals. Yeah, because I can't deal with them because in my heart
I want to go up to people and go, you know what Ralphie didn't like you and you didn't like him
Get out of here. You didn't like Ralphie either. You accused him of doing this. Get the fuck out of here
You you got to go too. I'm one of those people
So before I go and start throwing people out and calling people starting a fistfight
I don't go to those things because I it goes back to my mother's funeral. I lived it
I lived people who said to me if you need something call and after my mother died, they changed their phone number
But Zorida
Was my mother's friend. She would she would come over and give me $200 every sunday
And she'd bring me over a nickel bag
And if I was in a rut, I would go into the city and she'd give me cash
Then I started getting blow from her and then it went sideways
And one day I stopped talking to her one thing that she did was
She called out my dad on the
On the uh
the headstone
She called my dad personally and said what's going on with the headstone
And he goes, well, we have to let it sit
Let the concrete settle the the ground settle and she's like old school cuban
She's like, what the fuck are you talking about? You got 30 fucking days to go then put a headstone down there
60 days came I stepped that never did it
She took a yellow cab from spanish Harlem and went to his business and got out of the cab and started calling him a cunt
He didn't even have the decency to buy her a headstone
So it she went and bought a headstone and put from your son
And your best friend your sister and she put the headstone on I always remember that story
When you called me three four months ago
And told me that Ralphie didn't have a headstone
I wanted to kill myself because I had forgotten about my situation with my mother
Like I never even thought about a fucking headstone. Yeah, I don't know if you guys understand
How bad I felt for a week or two
after that like I wanted to
Go to anybody Ralphie helped and just put a bullet in their fucking head
Including his management all the people who took money out of his pocket his agents
All these so-called helpers and whatever like I was fucking angry
Like and I was angry at myself
I was angry at myself because I never asked
I don't want any connection with his wife at all
Like I I saw what he went through before he passed
and
From heaven or hell or purgatory or arby's
And he's looking down
I don't ever want him to think I crossed him and talked to that woman
You know she when she was looking for money for the documentary
I pretty much shut her down because I knew exactly what she was going through
She wasn't doing that to honor his memory
Right, she was doing that to put 250 in her pocket from netflix or so she thought right which is why you put a special together
So when I heard that they were putting a special together
And nobody even thought about a fucking headstone
I was just blown away. Well, we didn't know either till uh, I asked some family members. I go. Hey, send me uh
A picture of the headstone. I'd love to I don't know why I wanted to see it
But I'd love to see it
I said, you know, and everyone's like everyone kept saying no, we don't have one yet
Well a year went by a year and some change went by and I his birthday certain days
We were like, hey, you know the facebook memory would pop up and we're in so-and-so town with them
So it always every day we think about it and we'd call each other and then and then there was a little piece of plastic
And it just said Ralphie man like a little like a laminated grade school kid thing on a stick
You know, and I was like, we can't have this, you know, this is like he's helped us. There's no way
There's no way and and we went there brother after you and I talked and all that and and he has a beautiful headstone now
And we uh, we smoked a couple fucking joints and left one for him
I even joked with him. I go, all right, Ralphie this fucking Mexican gardener is going to steal this joint
But it's for you brother. This thanks for you. Yeah, we and we put solar lights on it
So it lights up at night and shit. Yeah, but we had a good time like we just smoked
We went by there every day every day. We were in arkansas for five days
We went twice a day to his grave and and pulled the weeds around it and shit and just made it presentable because
Ralphie was like you we consider you. You're not a comedy
Co-worker you're a brother to my brother and I you've always been there even in the trenches
You know 15 fucking years ago when we met you so
You're in a different category like Ralphie is to us and so we stopped by there and it was great
You know, we went by Ralphie's high school his elementary his house where he grew up
His family members were there, but no one ever said anything about the gravestone just appearing there
I mean, there's a gravestone there and no one no one's ever said anything since and we don't need credit and we're not looking
You know, I know you're not no one that's not what it's about
But we just wished someone out of all the people that he's helped and I'm out
We're not going to blast anyone here
But he's helped out comics that are doing well and we just wish that someone would have reached out and said
Hey, what are we doing about big boys grave?
Like what what are we going to do with them? I know he was buried with his dog
You know out, you know, his dog's at you know, his dog that he had a hoochie mama
You know and and his grave's awesome. You know, he deserves a little place for if anyone wants to go see him
There should be a fucking tombstone with his fucking name on it. That's all we cared about
We don't know. We don't care why it didn't happen. We're just glad it's fucking it's done now
That's it. Well, I just want to tell you that I went back home and I
Thought about how shitty the people were around me
like
The industry we work at it's just a shit storm, you know, the other day I'm sitting at the comedy store
stone to the gills why laugh at my asshole
Right watching Ron White
And this kid walks in that I barely know
sits next to me
Hits me in the side and goes hey, who are you taking to charlotte with you?
And I just looked at him
And I just kept looking the fucking Ron White like I just didn't even say nothing
Yeah, because we live in a garbage city
Yeah, he if he would have said how are you? How have you been?
I wouldn't talk to him but for him to go hey
Are you taking somebody to charlotte with you? Not even a fucking hello?
Like that's to show you the animal of people that we have in this town
You're nothing to these people
But I mean not even a how are you if you would have said how's your wife? How's your daughter?
Hey, is anybody going to show him? Let me check it. Let me see what's going on
But just the way he hit me with his elbow and he goes who you taking to charlotte with it
We are surrounded by garbage
So when you guys called me and said that to me
It took me three
Two weeks to process it like I do everything else because I'm half retarded
And I'm really lucky that Ralphie had you guys in his life
I'm very fortunate that he had you guys in his life. He you know, I always say that Ralphie Brody
These people never really knew how much people love them. I mean, yeah fans loved Ralphie. He was funny
But I don't know if Ralphie knew the intensity of our love fan
Right. He doesn't know how much I really miss him when I go to new york, george. He picks me up
Georgie won't shut the fuck up. Yeah. Yeah, we know
We know we know we get into our conversations about Ralphie, you know it hit him hard
It's hit me hard
I'm sure it fucked with you in more ways than one people fucked with you
Oh, yeah, people have seen you and drawn that conclusion around whatever and that's what happens after somebody dies
Hey after belushi died
Richard
De Niro and and robin Williams were in the room supposedly they didn't get work for a year
Right. You just got the stink of death on you. Yeah, there's nothing you could do
And you guys didn't lay down
plus
You did
Something that these fucking
Gentiles know nothing about right you cared for somebody's honor after they fucking died
Which most people forget again, remember when Marilyn Martinez died?
I had 20 people come up to me. I must they love Marilyn
There's a certain comic that was at the wake when you're at somebody's wake
Because that was a wake I went I was going to a fist fight with jeff aldeas and shit
tremendous they wrote about it in the paper
But when you're in a wake and then you go to the cemetery
There's always one or two people because of your love for that person who passed away
You'll have a bond forever
And I don't have to talk to you about Ralphie every fucking time I see you
But guess what there's gonna be one night when you're feeling down
I'm gonna hit yin go
You think about Ralphie today, and it's gonna bring a smile to your face. You bombed this might bring a smiley
At the wedding this fucking animal
At the wedding at the funeral, you know, how am I gonna live without maryland?
You know the typical hollywood shit and I bought it even after knowing how these people are animals
Yeah
And not once has she ever come up to me and mentioned maryland again
And about a year ago she came up to me. I want to be on your part. Get the fuck out of here
You never come up to me and said do you think about maryland ever
There's people that still call me though. You think about your mother ever from time to time. Yeah, I do man
Thank you for giving a shit right, you know, thank you for giving a shit
And I want to take you guys on the podcast
And tell you publicly that your mom's and your dad's did a great job with you
You guys are real gentlemen and characters what you do when nobody's watching
You guys didn't make us think about that. You called me. We went havesies
So everybody was happy everybody felt like we contributed to Ralphie, you know, like we
Helped them out and shame on the people
Like I know Ralphie gave a lot of people 20s
I mean I was thinking about this the other day before you guys came I still remember having surgery
And I have what 10 million there friends now one person called
Only one person called Ralphie and he goes hey nigga
Yeah, of course he down stairs
And I'm down walking down with my fucking bandage around my neck and stitches and I'm bleeding from doing blow
And he handed me a thousand bucks and 20s that looked like it went through 10 crack access
And I remember crying on the elevator on the way I'm going Jesus Christ. I didn't even ask him funny thing
You know who paid for my daughter's crib
Brown Ralphie
You know who bought me that sharper image speaker right there. That's from last comic standing from the money right there
Yes, Chad's got his barbecue. I had a barbecue. He called me and says I got you a barbecue come get it
I didn't call he called me and said drive to Hollywood
I got all of the stuff he got from celebrity fit club when he he won all this bullshit
He goes hey come get this shit or I'm throwing it in the trash and to him it was shit
But to us this barbecue and exercise. I don't always had the bicycle
Remember you had the dummy that you could punch. Yeah, we all that's at our house. I asked him once I go
Would you do a yay this arms? Yeah, I had no arms. Yeah shit. I go. That's your that's your eating part
I got somebody to talk to when you eat
Yeah, go fuck yourself. I don't eat ring things any shit. Yeah, but it was you know
The thing is we always think about them and that's I think it's important now that there's a grave there and uh
Stone people can can stop by Clarksville, Arkansas and say hello to Ralphie because he meant a lot to a lot of people
And and if no one visits them uh friends and all the people that we know who should visit them
That's fine. We we stopped by and we're always going to stop by Arkansas at least once a year
And you can start with abortion in Arkansas. Oh, yeah, so go on down
Make a trip of it. Yeah, make a trip of it. You know again get the hang of
And go see fucking Ralph go see Ralph get a kid sucked out. It's a good
I'm happy you guys did what you did and I'm happy that
Ralphie had friends in your account because that's you so you know, I remember going up there
Maybe one of his last barbecues. Yeah. Yeah
and I was
disgusted
by the people
that were up there
I was disgusted
I remember sitting at the table and I wouldn't go outside. There was thousands shut. Oh, yeah, I remember
He shut the street down. I asked him I go, you don't even like a word for what he said go you can say say
I said Ralphie I go you don't like
Any of those motherfuckers outside and you're catering. He had a guy making hydrogen ice cream and I remember the ponies
And he goes uh, he goes look around these are all people because I live in the hollywood hills
He's all if this was 10 years ago. He said you us there'd be a couple other people
Jeff Ross there's a couple other people we would break bread with he goes
This is all show and tell the same for me
And I we didn't understand that on the whole way home down that fucking hill
We talked about it. Now we know what he meant now
We know after he passed away what he meant
These are all people that are in his life because he was famous and famous and and they're not those aren't people that
You know went to his funeral. Those aren't people that would go to arkansas for him
You know what I mean?
Look at the people that went to the funeral and got on stage and sang and
Oh, I'll fucking a magician at the end of the night to lit fire. Get out. Yeah, you know
I said that I hit my brother. I go Ralphie would fucking hate a magician. He popped up from the grave
And so get that motherfucker
God damn he burned something and it was a picture of Ralphie. I don't even know I rubbed his box
I go goddamn you had david copperfield here that said good night to you
God it was horrible. That was fucking terrible. Yeah magician
Where you have a website?
Yeah, uh, it's identical entertainment.com and twitter so all social media is quarry n chat
c o r y n c h a
And what's the website identical entertainment? I got it and your tour dates are on there. Yeah our tour dates are on there
And when is the tour end?
Uh, we're hoping never
We're hoping never but uh with two-headed monster tours going all the way into 2020
That's that's the tour and um this month
We're in sacramento at the punchline and we're at uh, we're in new mexico and florida
In july west palm. Yeah, if you're listening west palm come out. We were we want to party in that town
That's a good town west bomb florida. We had a good time with Ralphie there
Uh, so we're looking forward to going back to some of the spots, you know, so we're really looking forward to
I just want to tell you guys that this whole thing that you guys did really touch me it takes a lot
To touch a fucking savage like me's heart. It made me think a lot
It made me think about where I was slipping as a friend at times to people, you know
I didn't bring you on the show to promote your dates
I wanted to let people know that you guys are a real fucking deal
We appreciate that they want to come and watch the show. That's their fucking business
Before you go on and see some guy on twitter that fucking jumps up and down and says what you want to hear
Go see these guys. I got a heart of fucking gold and
They stand up for what they believe and what they say they do like I said that was
You might as well have gotten caught with a kilo that was mine and not mentioned my name because
That's what you guys did by just letting me know opening my eyes
And I even called people who were with his manager and said hey, man
Just to let you know Ralphie didn't have a fucking gravestone
So before you write those fucking animals another commission
Think about it. They don't really give a fuck about you at all, right?
You're a piece of meat to these people and it's
As long as you go in knowing that in this comedy life or entertainment life or
Whatever you do, you're a piece of meat to these people, especially when you provide money into somebody's pocket
You're a piece of meat. You become a piece of meat as long as you know this going in your feelings won't get hurt later
Don't come to me later and go they treat me like me
Well, I tell you ten years ago
You're a piece of meat. Yeah as long as you know that and guess what once you stop selling tickets
They replace you and they tell you some story why you're not selling tickets and how it's your fault
Yeah, because you said hindu on the radio. Yeah, I know you're too dirty
That's all bullshit
And you as a comic have to go back to the drawing board. They're not coming to see you. Well, right better fucking jokes
Right, you're not selling shirts making different fucking design and talk about them, you know
We fall
Like a basically sometimes and then we wonder what the fuck is going on. I'll tell you what the fuck's going on
You're not running on both fucking jets, right? You you want something and you're not fucking putting in the aggravation for it
They're not just going to give it to you anymore. This is look at the comedy store
When I got here, you call the comedy store. I want to showcase
Do you have a reference? Yeah, Cory and Chad. Okay
We'll call you back when the date comes up call the comedy store now. Who's your manager? He's not big enough
Yeah, call us when you got fucking three yards to teach you about stitch. Who's your agent? I got a
Uh
Party house. No fucking good. You gotta call me when you got icm
Then you got icm. What do they tell you? No bueno. Yeah, all this when you got a pa. Yeah, so it's uh, it's a fucking hand job
What funny can't be stopped
Yeah, always remember that funny can't be stopped even if they bang in the you're banned from the improv that don't do
They banned Doug Stanhope. Yeah, look at them. They banned Doug Stanhope
10 years ago the funny bonus was for calling the guy a nazi midget. Well, guess what?
Stanhope is still around that guy's booking ships. So suck my dick and call me shorty. Yeah, I was born in 1940
What's the name of the website?
Identical entertainment.com. Well, man, I'm happy you motherfuckers. Cory and Chad check them out identical. I and like I said to you
Guys, we're not talking about
Comics here. There's a lot of funny fucking comics out there
We compete with all of them, but as far as heart and balls are concerned
You can't compete with these two fucking savages. So do yourself a favor this summer
And go watch the fucking two headed monster tour
Get some fucking quailudes get your asshole sucked
And do the best you can what's the name of it again identical entertainment.com and hey sucking asshole
Yeah, I mean that that would make chat Saturday. So come on out. Come on down. Bring the peanut butter, bitch
Bring the peanut butter and the dental floss
Before anything do not forget. There's just a few tickets left for the film war
friday in new orleans and there's a couple tickets left for the
For the tabernacle theater in atlanta columbus, ohio. I got nothing but tickets
I'll see you motherfuckers june 28 and 29
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I want to thank cori and chad. I want to thank the flying june
But I want to thank you motherfuckers for being here on a me beautiful
Monday morning. It's a beautiful fucking week. Go out there and get them. Don't let nobody tell you what the fuck to do
I'll see you Thursday morning
Ready to go tip top motherfucking magoo
Cori and chat. I love you motherfuckers. Kill them on the road. Thank you. Kick this fucking meal league
Open that door before
I want to be around
To pick up the pieces
When somebody breaks your heart
Some somebody twice as smart
As I
I
Somebody who
Will swear to be true as you used to do with me
Who'll leave you to learn that misery loves company
See
Wait and see
I mean I want to be around
To see how he does it when he breaks your heart two bits
Let's see if the puzzle fits
So fine
And
That's when I'll discover that revenge is sweet
As I sit there a plodden
From a front row seat
When somebody breaks your heart like you
Like you
Oh
You