Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #690 - Pablo Francisco

Episode Date: June 6, 2019

Pablo Francisco, a stand up comedian with many specials and appearances on MADtv and The Tonight Show, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   23andme.com - 23andMe is a DNA testing service that can offer you insights on to how your DNA can influence your weight, sleep quality and much more. Order your 23andMe health and ancestry kit at 23andMe.com/church. For a limited time only, get $50 off of your kit for Father's Day Day. Deal expires on June 17, 2019.   Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your portable bidet.  

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Lee Syat and your uncle motherfucking Joey coming at you at a Wednesday. Take this. Oh shit. This is what Madonna was. She had talent. She said that you need my love and you walked into my body. I don't mind. Baby, all I've got is time and I'm waiting to make you mine. Was that her first album? This is her first fucking album. It was tight, man. It was good, you know. Get into the groove. It's like Scarface music, you know? Yeah, no. This was the beginning of the end. Really? You think about fucking Madonna in 83. 85 was her, like, I think between 85 and 88 was her fucking high point.

She was killing it. Well, I mean, yeah. Especially when she was doing those sketches with Mike Myers and, you know, Dana Carvey and doing the little masturbation. I forgot all about that. Oh, yeah. She was like, she topped it. She topped herself every year and then, you know, she went through the masturbation thing and then, you know. Well, when 91, when I got into comedy, that's when she released Vogue. Yeah. And then she released the book. Yeah, the naked book.

The naked book and shit, which pushed her over the top. Right. Then she got a deal from Pepsi. Right. And she made Jesus Black and that fuck. Oh, I know, yeah. That's off half of America, but she did her job. And then she did the Truth or Dare movie.

Right. The Truth or Dare movie where she scolds her brother and shit like that. Yeah, yeah. It was pretty interesting how now she just put out a fucking song a few weeks ago. Yeah, just I have some videos. And they're fucking torturing her. That's not good. Well, yeah, the video's a guy just laying down, man. Just, that's it. He just lays down and just looks at the camera once in a while. It's kind of, it's kind of odd, but, you know.

Madonna's fucking 60. Give her a fucking break. Hey, man, she's eight. She's out of a fucking mind. She's got smoke blown up her ass. For 30 fucking years, you know, she's got smoke blown up her ass. So God knows where the fuck planet that is. You know, she shops and adopts, man. You know what I'm saying? She goes to other countries. You know, that's what happens.

You know, Guy Ritchie goes, man, you have too many kids here. You got different sizes and varieties, man. So shopping and adopting. What's up, Pablo Francis? What's up, man? How you doing? Great to see you. Good to see you, man. Great to have you debut on the podcast.

Right on, man. 1996, I got a call from Pat Buckles. And she tells me that they're interested in me doing the Latino laugh festival. That June of that year, like they were starting to showcase people. I'm sorry, 1996 or 2006? 1996. Throwing out development deals like crazy. They're starting to, they're starting to fucking showcase people for 97.

Now, in June of 96, I had always known Doug Standout. Oh, yeah. I had always known Doug since 91 when I got into comedy. But in June of 96, I saw Doug at the fucking Seattle Underground. Right. And he just destroyed the room. Oh, yeah. And he destroyed at such a level that I had a gig that Saturday and I had to cancel the

gig. I was so disturbed by how good he was. Yeah, me too. That it started making me think about my comedy career and other choices. Yep, I've been there, man. I should make, go make salmon and shit. So, I got my fucking, you know, I got my, whatever, my confidence back to a few months. Pat Buckles calls.

I don't know who the hell Pat Buckles is. Great lady. Man. She flies me down. She makes me do the first set at the laugh factory. I meet Marilyn Martinez. Right. God bless us all.

Yep. And I'm sitting in the fucking back mind of my own business and you get up on stage. And you took it from plan B. Like they were in Alabama all sad about abortions. Right. You took them from there to you just leveled the room. And I still remember the one bit was Seinfeld, the whole cast in Spanish. Oh, yeah.

Jesus Christ. You destroyed the room to a level that I had to walk outside again and think about my comedy career. I know one thing. I, at that point when I saw Pablo, I go, I know one thing for sure. I'm on the right path, but I'm miles away from Pablo. Like I'm not even thinking of moving to LA. If this is what I got to go up against them.

Like that's how powerful it was Pablo. You destroyed the room. That Seinfeld bit. I'll never forget that. You did each character. When you did Jerry, the fucking room. And it was all Spanish people. That's really incredible.

Yeah. That's when it was Latino night. Latino. Yeah. No big time. 300 fucking Mexicans in there every Monday night, lying around the corner. Gilbert Esquivel. Houston.

Yeah. Fucking Carlos. You. The, the, the late end, the, the, the last half of that fucking show was murder as well. Yeah. Like they talk about the comedy store now. So it was like poor Pablo. Carlos was dropping poor Rodriguez, George Lopez.

Like I was just in awe. I was like, you know, Chris Fonseca getting standing O's in his chair. That was crazy. Yeah man. It's just, you know, pulling that, that, that just technique was. Like you go back. But he's a. You rock.

Nobody remembers Chris. Chris Fonseca was a legend. Oh yeah. He got, he had like three development deals and he told me, you know, Pablo, I got my own sitcom coming out of the land. It's going to be three hours long. Well, they put them on fire. They put them on.

A Baywatch. Yeah. That was the big thing. Yeah. When they put them on Baywatch and he was living in Denver. That was huge. Yeah. Yeah.

That was huge. I still remember his opening. You know, I was, I came from Denver. So I came from watching him. Right. Everybody said to watch him to learn how to write and they would wheel him up on stage. She'd go up there with his little fucking wheelchair. Cheetos.

He'd have to mo mode up and he'd go, people ask me if I live in Colorado. Do I ski? I tell him, no, I'm too busy jumping out of planes. That was over the fucking line. Like, I still remember that 1994. Wow. Like he was that fucking big. Like that Latino night on Monday nights was just a shit.

And I remember going back to Seattle going, you know what? That was great. No, I'll do the festival if they want, but I'll never be one of these fucking guys. This was a complete different level. It really was. Anyway, that's all we needed. It was like a 10 minute set and a good closer, you know, back then, you know, and then development deals all the time at people just giving out development deals and pick up a 50,000 here

and 75 there and Willie Barts and I like had them all, you know, hey, bro, you know, I got, I got 10 of them, you know, I'm telling you, bro. I was like, wait, me and him, it was, yeah, it was a, it was an experience to see how, you know, there's this with the Latino things going, yeah, Gene Pampa, you know, doing this stuff. And living color was throwing auditions for people. Any, any Latino don't want to try the audition for them. Now you started in Tempe.

I started in Tucson, Arizona. And then I went to Tempe, Phoenix, Arizona. How long were you in Tucson? I was in Tucson for about, you know, all my life, but starting at 17 started and then at Laps, at Laps Comedy Club. And Gary Bynum would pick like, he would get the best headliners, man, from Los Angeles. So I would just go in there and watch him and Tom Matigue and Tim Allen and those kind of guys, man, it was just great because you just get to watch these dudes and learn from

them, you know, Paul Rodriguez would walk in there and, you know, my God, he was great. And he saw me there and he was just inviting me to go and do his shows. So I was really lucky on that. And then from Tucson, you moved to Tempe. How long were you in Tempe? I was in Tempe for about eight months, man. I got lucky. I met some girls at a Scorpions concert and I got backstage with them.

And I go, yeah, man, I'm going to do the improv on a Tuesday night. You know, I do like six minutes and they showed up. And when they showed up, the club was calling me up, hey, man, there's some girls here for you. And I go, well, the Tempe improv doesn't even know who I am. I've just got on this list of comedians. And I go up there and I do six minutes and these girls get up and they go and they grab me and they all walk out with me and John Panette was there and John Panette goes, whoa, what's

going on? These girls. And I go, hey, you can smoke in the condo. It's okay. You can smoke. You know, like we were talking earlier about puking on a girl and I got two girls. They both jump in the bed with me, but I was drunk drinking wine and I get on the first one.

I go in and make a long story short. I didn't, you know, tag any of them, but my friend opens up the door and sees me with both of them and I'm all hungover red wine and he's like, dude, you just tagged both of those chicks and the whole word gets out that I bang these girls. Like, dude, I didn't do it. Oh, you're so humble. I go, dude, it didn't happen. And from that point on, it started growing into, hey, Pablo, Pablo knows these girls and

stuff like that. And they would come over to the club, ask out the managers, right? And then cancel the date and they got to go, hey, Pablo, some of you are one of your girls or, and it was like, that's how it's the balls are rolling. So I just started living with candy cantaloupes, the porno star and it was, and Doug Stanhope, he lived there too. And he was a nightmare, right? Having sex with midgets.

It was hilarious. He goes, you know what, sometimes it's like doing a 12 year old girl that's kind of, kind of weird. You're spending around. He was crazy. Oh yeah. He was really crazy. And then from that point on, I just met the guy from, you know, Robert Hartman, he owned

like three, you know, improvs, he was a franchisey kind of guy and just maybe, maybe my dreams come true. So it all worked out. He asked you, so you already had a manager in route to LA? Right. And the thing is that he, he started this management company. Then he said, you know, I'm going to be too busy. So I'll help you find a manager.

So I go, all right. And then on the way to Laugh Factory, I mean, everybody was there, Messina, a lot of people were there. And when I get there to do the ABC showcase, Joe Rogan decided to step in. They go, Pablo, we're going to have to take you up and Joe Rogan is not supposed to be doing this. He jumped in. He was doing the tiger bit, you know, the piss thing.

And it was so funny watching my agent go, it's just, you know, we're probably going to take you up. Okay. But anyway, he's really dirty. But anyway, he keeps laughing at, at Joe, Joe gets off. So I had to go after Joe. So I just took my best stuff. I took my ending stuff, my closer stuff and just put it up front.

And I got the audience immediately and Joe just looked at me and that's how we became like, you know, friends. He was like, it really goes. He goes, you know what? I didn't think anyone could follow me. I was like, well, I had to take the good stuff, the back and kind of, you know, it was like six minutes. So when I got off stage, my manager goes, Hey man, I want to handle you.

Is that okay? And I go, sure. And the director of the machine offered me to, you know, go and hang out with him and I said, I, I'm just going to stick with Rob. That's okay. And that's how I worked out. Since then, you know, I, you know, I own some clubs. I'll put you in the clubs.

I'll work you, you know, as a feature headliner and he just developed me and it was, you know, got a crazy, it was a crazy life afterwards. But after, but other than that, it was, it was a dream come true. And this was 97 97, yeah, 97 already thrown eight and it was a good time. When I met Stan Hopen, 91, and then we reconnected in 96 and then I closed, I opened for him new years, 96 and we were talking and he was talking to me about the Latin thing. Right. He goes, Joe, yeah, I don't know much about much, but I know the Latin thing is blown

up. I think it's time for you to go that way. And I'm like, I'm not ready. Right. Just listen, you're good enough to be down there at 20 minutes. You're right. I'm not ready for all that looking for it. So I, I still remember him talking to me in the headliner.

Wow. Wow. Like he talked me into like taking a week like I go stand on my got this week off and I only got 30 minutes. I don't know. He goes, you could talk shit for 15 minutes. Right. I do it all the time.

I was like, oh my God, it was that easy. Wow. You know, it's a, yeah, he was a, he was a perfect kind of like roommate to have in a sense because she wouldn't let us pair, you know, pay the bills there. So he was your roommate. He was my roommate. I would drive in her cars and I would drive the cars, but him and this guy named Matt Becker would.

Right. Matt Becker. Matt Becker. Those guys are just insanely crazy stuff, you know, and I've, you know, scoring some dope in, in, in Phoenix and there would be in a, in a Ugo, right? And, uh, and it would make fun of me being in the hood and I go, what are you doing in the hood? You know, and it was, it was so funny because he would just do the most insane crap, you

know, like when sleeping with that midget from Bartome and Bailey circus, she's like, where's Doug? Where's Doug? And she's like, who's out just in the find him. And he's like, oh my God, she's looking for me. And she goes, I love Doug. And, uh, he went, who went to the heavy metal cafe and she runs in there. She's not going to find it.

She was running up to every couple that's dancing, looking at, looking up for Doug. Doug, come on. Come on. Hey, listen, I love you. But come on. And the circus, Bartome and Bailey circus, Doug, then he started, you know, then he started, you know, taking his clothes off and stripping. And that was like a little fetish of his, you know, he goes, I'm addicted to it.

I go, huh? You know, to, you know, just getting in front of, that's quite a roommate. Yeah, he was, uh, you know, we got a few arguments here and there. But, uh, you know, he was, uh, I don't think he even smoked pot. I did just smoke, you know, those 100 cigarettes, cigarettes and booze. Yeah. And it come up with this crazy, yeah, crazy, crazy material. Crazy, crazy shit.

Yeah. Beginning was out there. Yeah. Nobody was out there like, and people were scared of them. Yeah. It's young looking and I rise to improv. When he first moved out of it, right, like in 97, I was hearing it up in Seattle, right? And he was terrorizing the improv lineups.

They banned him for a month because he get too drunk. I mean, they just were not ready for that shit. Like they would just, you know, you know, I saw him with a black eye and a chip tooth after a waiter beat him up, right? Right. Intempi. That's, yeah. So my manager goes, you know what?

I'm going to the all star of all comedy clubs, uh, you know, convention up in, uh, Orlando. And the first thing we do is we talk about what. Headliner. We're not, we're never going to book. I go, wait, hold on. I go, Hey, listen, I go, that thing with Doug, man, that it was all set up because that girl was hitting on me.

So please, man, you don't ban him. He goes, you know what? You just saved his career. And then Doug came up to me with a little black eye. Hey, man, he stole. He goes, thanks a lot, man. You know, I really appreciate you putting a good word for me. I was like, Hey, that's, Hey, that's what brothers are for, man.

You know what I'm saying? So it was like, uh, he was, uh, he was just incredible. Just one of those wild guys. Oh God, man. Just, and he's still wild. Oh yeah, I still know the way. Like, I just saw the countdown to his special. Right.

He had people there with suits on. They shot at the plaza. Right. You know, he's still like, he could have shot anyone in the world. Right. He picked the plaza. Wow. You know, which is like downtown, old, next to the bus station and shit.

He's that stoic, you know? Yeah. So now you're both up here at 97. He's fucking dating a chick from that fucking TV show. Yeah. He was dating a few. I don't mean, I mean, I think he got married somewhere in between there. And then, uh, him and Matt Becker went on this, uh, ride.

They got kicked out of, uh, candy cantaloupes, you know, house. And, uh, you know, you know what? I'm sick and tired of you taking my dog. You had a dog with him. We had to take care of her dog and the dog got maimed or something. So Doug was like, Hey, listen, we're going to take her other car. So don't let her know that, you know, we're taking her car because the Ugo was, he was just planted there.

And, uh, but the ended up, she ended up catching him, right? And he goes, you get out of my house, right? So he goes into the Ugo and they pushed the Ugo out and they took a video camera. And for four weeks, man, they filmed forest fires, them running through concerts and opened up outhouses when people were taking dumps. It was so, it was so hilarious. And, uh, yeah, it was, it was sex. It was, it was a perfect 10 hour video of them on the road.

And if you just could pull that footage, I'd be hilarious. But it was, it was the most decadent. Now you did, when you got up here, there was a lot of opportunities. Oh yeah. Yeah. Comedy compadres with Jeff Valdez. Framp. Yeah. You ended up doing the HBO series that Carlos had done. Yeah. Yeah.

What was the name of that? It was called Locoslam. I did the tour for that. Oh, did you really? I was in Denver and I got to open for him in Denver and somewhere in New Mexico. It was called the HBO. Right. Locos, whatever, but it was just basically him.

Yeah. It was after the first season. Yeah. That was a, you know, that's that last, like, I think 12 episodes or something. 12 episodes. Paul Rodriguez, the executive producer. Yeah. He was definitely cool, man. He played the deaf jam guy at the end. You had to go hug him and shit. Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah.

And then John Leguzamo had House of Buggin. Yep. Yeah. Which nobody remembers. I mean, that's what he would dance in the beginning. Oh, yeah. 12 episodes. Right. Lewis Guzman.

Yep. And they had some funny shit. They had a culture clash. Remember that? Culture clash was big. So there was a lot. There was Latino nights. Well, when I moved here, Improv had Latino nights on Monday, on Sunday.

Right. The Improv, Laugh Factory was Monday night. It was huge already. It was well established. Crazy. And the colony store had nothing. Nothing. She kept trying to have people start them.

But she had bad luck with it, and then she wouldn't give you spots. So every time she'd bring it up to me, God rest the soul. Right. I would go, Mitzi, I got to go and I'd run out of the room. I'm telling you, we'll get black beans and rice and fried bananas. Some of the specials they got. I don't want to fucking do this shit. It's so weird.

How do you think comedy has changed the last 20 years? You know, a lot of people, it's the Internet, man. The Internet now it's it works for you and against you, you know? And just watching, you know, these, I mean, look, I'm a comedy fan, of course. I mean, anything that has to do with comedy, you know, last comic stand. I mean, I'm down with it. But there's just so many of these six minute comics out there right now. So they they kind of got, you know, they're trying.

It's just that the material, it seems like it's already been done by us already. You know, some of the topics have been hit. So there's a little bit of soul, but it's not as much as soul that goes into comedy as much. But there's some good ones out there. You know, there's some people kicking. It's really entertaining. Yeah, it is.

Comedy right now is very. Oh, it's strong. It's strong. Yeah. But you know, it's crazy, like what we were doing 20 years ago is not accepted today. Oh, no, yeah, it's it's over. Yeah. But it was fun, man. I remember every single day of it, every minute, you know, just going to Houston and going to Miami.

I mean, those are those are those are the best days. Oh, pass. Oh, oh, yeah. Fucking Austin. I don't know. Like just just I remember one of the first times I got an opening gig. In LA, it was opening for you at the Irvine Improv one night. Right. One night. Hartman threw me like a one night.

Right, right. And this was the old Irvine and the Jamboree Road, the old one. I think even before Jamboree, really, the guy, the manager or the head chef was a fucking douchebag to me. OK, one night, one night. He was I still remember. I don't remember what his name was, but I still remember what he said to me. What do you say?

Like something just off color, like something like, yeah, I was going to tell you that you get a free drink, but you're only going to be here one night. You didn't do something like that, like just something. And I remember walking away going, what the fuck was that? But whatever. And then I got another night to open for you in Brea. Thanksgiving weekend. Right. We got fired because of that guy fucking dancing behind your naked.

Oh, Paul. Paul Abraham. Yeah, I bumped into years later. Oh, yeah, yeah, he's the longest yard. He was the cook on the truck. Yep. He opened up a food truck. Yep. Yeah, he did that. And I was with him when he did that when he opened up the food truck. Yeah, he's my he was my roommate at the time.

So he told he told me that I'm working with Diaz. And then sometimes he goes, I'm he goes, guess who's guess what? I'm working with now. Steve Sharipa or something like that. And right now he's working with Jamie Fox. Is he now? Oh, yeah, he's still he's rolling good though, man. No shit. Yeah, man. He's still in Abercoury.

Oh, no, he's right now he's in New Orleans because they're filming everything in New Orleans. And he's working with Quentin Tarantino. And you know, it's funny because he was, hey, when Kill Bill came out, he was, hey, you got to see this set, man. There's a bunch of heads exploding, you know, and you just got to go. And I go, I'm not I'm not going to go right. And then all of a sudden he was, hey, I think I met the director.

He's kind of a geek, kind of kind of, you know, kind of chubby. And he was, why don't you just come on down? So I went down there, right? And there's Quentin Tarantino. And he's doing a scene with David Carradine, right, with the sword. And he was right behind Quentin. And he goes, all right, quiet, everybody. I'm going, what is right behind him, right?

And he goes, you ready to do this? OK, David, you ready? I am ready. And he goes, he goes, and action. He's going, take call of the mission, do it now. Right. And he messes up his lines. He goes, you OK there, Dave? And I was eating a pot sticker and the boom guys like this.

I go, eat it. And he goes, who are you? Right. And I was right there when they filmed that scene. Call of the mission. And then when David Carradine was done, he does like a little front kick. I was going, tiny guy, really tiny. But I was like, holy smoke. I mean, that scene right behind him, you know, it was cool.

And then he was that kid, crazy, nuts kid. He's and he was working on that on that for like four months. And he was he was rolling some Afghani butt at my house, right? And he goes, I'm going to get Darrell Hannah so high right now. And he got her so she started crying. It was hilarious. Oh my God, I'm so stoned. I was like, oh, dude, he's been with that food truck. Yeah. He built 14 years.

I mean, I worked with him in 2004. Right. Food truck. Wow. Yeah, man. He worked in the longest yard. It was. Yeah. He and he's both places. I think he came up here with us. Yeah, he was he was the Santa Fe with us. And then he came up here with us. Yeah, he was he was he was doing we are soldiers bouncing over to Mark Wahlberg

doing doing Planet of the Apes. And that was a crazy day. That's amazing that he was a crazy guy. Still doing it. Fucking business that feeds fucking the huge movies. Well, you know what? How that started is that he goes, you know what? He goes, I'm working for a craft service guy and this guy ain't treating me too well. If I only had twenty five thousand bucks, I could buy myself a truck.

And I went, well, I just happened to have fifteen twenty thousand in a thermos. And he goes, no, no, no, no. So he does a big old, you know, we're partying, right? Does a big old gacker and he goes down the street and he talks into the talks, this guy in to put his house on a loan and they bought the truck that day. And for two weeks straight, driving that truck around, putting in, you know, this guy's one of those handy guys that knows electricity and all that kind of stuff. And they put freezers, TVs, all in two weeks, just drinking same clothes,

the whole thing, put it together, drove up on the Warner Brothers lot, got the OC and then movie after movie after movie from that point on, just went on like crazy. And he's meeting Stardew, I met Mel Gibson. He's doing this Christ movie and I speak Syrian, so he's going to come out to lunch with us and I was like, what? And I was at my house and Mel Gibson comes up and I was like, but I didn't I was a little tanked, so I didn't want to, you know, ruin it. And he's from Redondo Beach and they went out, man, it was incredible.

So he's met a lot of people, man. That's that's good for him. Oh, yeah, he was still funny, too. Paul Abraham, wacky, he was nuts. He was nuts. Yeah, he was Iraqi, the wacky Iraqi. So, yeah, Lee, they didn't know what to do. He wouldn't. Well, so you guys plan to be naked behind Jeff Garcia was the feature.

I think Christopher Kidd Reed was there. I think too. How is the MC? You had like nine get sets. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was the night. It was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Right. It's 2000. It's the year 2000. It's the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.

Nuts. Pablo just showed up on Wednesday night from Vegas, where you just ended up winning like 30 large. Yeah, I wanted some money. Yeah, you were playing blackjack or something. Right. He was him. Yeah, you came right from Vegas, right? Right. Bray improv. Right. There was no going home to take a shower. There was nothing.

So we get to the fucking brain improv. And I'm like, let me get a beer. And then it's like, when Pablo's the headline, there's no cocktail, sir. Oh, yeah, that's right. That was the problem. I go, Pablo, what the fucking problem? It's like, we got this handle. He goes, go get the fucking chef.

There was like some guy in the back and Pablo gave him like a hundred. But yeah, there's wine, beer, so they're telling us we can't drink. I mean, it was just craziness. And then Pablo had a couple of them. So Pablo kept saying, Joey, bring up, because I was the host. So I brought up kid read. I think we even brought up the chef crazy. Pablo got it together, goes up there.

He's doing this thing. He's ripping him apart. But Paul Abraham is walking behind him completely naked with a hat on, going like this, like, give my regards to Broadway. And the people would lose it. Me and Jeff, and all eight of the others are in the back howling, howling. Yeah. And the next fucking day, like that Friday, I get a call that we've all been fired

except for Pablo, because we had fucking booze and fucking metal in the new powder and fucking. Oh, yeah. And then here's an interesting story, Pablo came clean. Yeah, fucking. I got my job back. Oh, sure. Yeah. That's why I said to look at the videotape.

You know, I go, let's just look at the videotape, because they videotape the show and your portion wasn't on there. So Robert, OK, all right. OK, I was misunderstanding. But Rumpelmans, that's what it was, man. Rumpelmans is my drink. And then you called me one time to open for you in Houston. That was sensational.

You had the fucking strip club send the limo for you. Yeah, that's when you know you're big pimping. And then he showed up with a today he showed up with a light, you know, Pablo is always very generous. You gave me a Laker shirt that I still have of the Valor purple. I made a mistake and wore it in a 90 degree day and I lost 92. It's a Laker Valor shirt. Nice. Beautiful.

It's a Kobe Bryant. Was it Kobe? Was it? Yeah, Kobe. It's a Laker old school warmup. Now, if I put it, it's like four X. It's like four fucking X. He starts melting on it. I don't know where the fuck he got it from. I still got that.

Got it in Miami, believe it or not. No, this was Houston. Houston and then in Miami, Miami, you and I had a reputation for tearing up that condo. Yeah, that was a nice condo, yeah. That was my condo at that. I used to tie it. Check up in the morning.

I'd have to cut her off. So I had the ropes there. No, I remember that. You just made long ropes and I would cut it off loose in the morning. This is what I'm saying to you, Pablo, right? 20 we couldn't do. How much rope do you have? How much rope would you have?

Oh, please. I used to add more rope when the black guys are tight and Jesse Smollett. Jesus, just think of it. Did you see the rope that they released? No, I didn't. All the rope and shit. I had more rope than he had. I just bought a bundle of that sticky rope that pricks your skin

and I would tie it on the bed and I'd tie her up. She always wanted to be tied up. So I didn't believe it at first until the girls came in and boy, they were smoking. Where, Miami? Yeah, yeah, that was that coconut grove street in 98 and 97 and 99. Everybody would go in there, too, man. Chris Rock, Madonna would go in there.

I'm telling you. Whitney Houston. I'm telling you, you have no idea what was witnessed at that fucking. I remember still going downstairs one night and seeing the hardest naked women dancing on top of the table in the Italian restaurant because it was a fine, dining Italian restaurant. Right. But after 11, no rules. That's right.

That's what it's called crazy, man. You know, talking about me. That's you think I'm kidding. It was Scarface type shit. Oh, yeah. People were in there throwing thousands and they would just tell women get naked, start dance on 24 hours a day, 24 fucking hours a day. Yes, this is beautiful, man.

There's a beautiful thing. But I mean, it must come. It must be like the only job where you could like if I was on a road trip with somebody and they started unpacking rope. I don't think I'd want to say like that's cool. Like on the niche forensic where do you think these I mean, listen, when I asked Pablo what comedy has changed. Twenty years ago, you had George Lopez drinking up a storm.

Yeah, George Lopez, you do. You had Mitch Hedberg out there and tearing it up. I know I was out there tearing it up. Pablo was out there tearing it up. Yeah, it was every four weeks. There was a calamity somewhere. Yeah, somebody didn't show. Somebody didn't make it to radio, you know, Tommy.

Yeah, we had, you know, we had some problems in comedy. And it was accepted because that's what comedians do. Richard Pryor raised the bar for us. He lit himself on fire. That gave us the right to do whatever the fuck we wanted to do. And, you know, when I got into comedy, I didn't get into comedy for the girls. I'm not a fucking good looking guy. I got into comedy for the party.

Yeah, that's what I was. Yeah, I didn't get into comedy and meet the brotherhood. That's like a rock star. I got into comedy A for the brotherhood and B because nobody would judge my party. Nobody. If you read Ladies and Gentlemen with Lenny Bruce, he did heroin every night with strippers for less dances at the Chelsea Hotel. That's why I got into it.

I didn't know if I wanted to do heroin, but I knew I didn't want a responsible life. You wanted the option. I didn't want to be a responsible. I wanted to be a rebel. I wanted to live in a car and I just wanted to do comedy. You know, it's like that when you listen to that song, American Band, right? We're an American band. We come into your town, let your party down, right?

We're an American band. Oh, yeah. That's what I was, an American comic. How many flights do I have to have to change? You know, I'm not coming back, you know, and I have to come back on a Wednesday. You know, then, you know, we were an American comic. When I started doing comedy, I did not do comedy for women. I did comedy for the not being responsible.

I didn't have to be responsible for anything. I'd have to get up at a certain time. I'd have to go to bed at a certain time and have to answer anybody at a certain time. You drink on stage, drink on stage. All I had to do was keep oil in my car. And fill that gas up and pay the insurance on it. Those are the only rules I had in my life. You know, that's it.

When you pick this life, that's why you pick it. You're irresponsible. You're responsible. We can't. I can't. You know how many times I got to do something at eight in the morning, Pablo, like somebody calls me and says, I have to do something at eight. Now I have a five year old, six year old. I'm awake at six, 15 every morning, whether I like it or not.

But if you tell me that I have to be somewhere at eight, insomnia kicks in. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Insomnia kicks in. So once you tell me I got to be somewhere at eight, I'm not going to fall asleep. Absolutely. It's like going to school. High school, remember that? Every night I'm tired at eight thirty. I got to drink a four fucking cup of espresso

because I'm dying, but the night I have to go do something at eight. I'm fucking tip top. I go jumping. Oh, yeah. I'm singing three songs and shit because jumping in the shower at five thirty. Of course, we're fucking rebels. I never wanted to live out. If you think I wanted to get up at eight and go to work. I knew when I did it, I didn't want to do it.

As I was doing, I'm like, I got, I got to come up with something. The only job that I fit the itinerary for was drug dealer. Even came close, no responsibilities, no boss. That that's the only other job that you could do. I'm not selling CDs after the show. I'm selling bags. Yeah, I'm not here to fucking sell CDs. I'm here to snort coke off your pussy. Yeah, you know what, you can say something on stage about cocaine.

And after the show, they're going to offer you to me. Oh, yeah. That's how I would get my coat. Yeah, talk about doing coke. I love it right after the show. Boom, you want to do a blast. Yeah, you got the extra. Yeah, all you have to do is make a call. Boom, and then there you go.

Yeah, make sure you don't do it before a second show. You'd be like, hey, what's going on? That was my thing. That was the only thing that kept me together. That I had enough respect. I didn't have respect for myself. Right. I had zero respect for myself,

but I had I knew that I wouldn't do anything on stage. Right. So there was never been a stone before or I could get stones. Yeah, I could smoke 20 joints, lose them for a minute or two and then focus and then get them. Right. I could take an edible and go on stage. Really?

I could take a Xanax like a baby point two five. OK. To calm me down a little bit. But cocaine never worked on me on stage. Well, yeah. It was just a zero. It was the weirdest thing because I did it. St. Patty's Day 1992.

Right. And I never did on stage again. It'd be in my pocket. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Don't get me wrong. Right. The fucking ever ready baddie was ever ready. Battery was plugged into the leg, right?

But don't get me wrong. There was no way I would do it before. Right. And it's like I wouldn't do it in the daytime. Hmm. I never did coke in the day. It's funny. I'm trying to write this book.

All right. And before I kidnapped the guy, right, I worked at a car dealership for a few months. You know, I'm trying to detail this book as much as I can. So you just can't. The truth was that I was working. I started a Subaru dealership that was like Studio 54. OK.

Like everybody was snorting coke in there. There was a guy that did heroin and he fucking robbed banks at lunchtime. I mean, this was alive. It got to the point where it was so crazy. I said, let me go to a Chrysler store. They were a little older. They were all white. Right.

They were all like respectful. Half of them were veterans and shit. You didn't see nothing like like I've never seen anything like that before. Like at the Subaru place, somebody in service saw coke. Right. At the Chrysler place, the manager and the salesman, the head salesman would sell coke. Wow. Everybody was coked up. And I still remember days that there'd be five customers on the lot.

And every salesman in that office would be so coked up. They were in their office pretending to be on the phone. And people would be out there going like, I'm here to buy a car. And they'd be like, well, on the phone, like they were coked up. So I, from that lesson, I didn't snort coke in the date. Like I'm like, wow. Usually, you know, I got to pay attention to these guys. Don't get me wrong.

I fell for it a few days, right? But I always knew that I'm not going to sell a car and I'm going to sit here like these four fuck the dealer's name was Rob Dando or Rob Dando. Sweetheart of a Subaru. He we sold Chrysler's. Right. And his big pet peeve was his red Parker pen. His wife gave him a Parker pen for their anniversary. All right. And he felt there was this lucky red pen.

All right. So every time he went out to get a customer, he'd be so coked up, he'd be sweating, he'd put his pen down and I'd swap the pen and steal it. He'd come back and look for the pen and look under cars. No God, I can't sell a car. Somebody stole my lucky red pen. So then like, I would go, he would go buy one, another one across the street. I'd wait to get coked up.

I'd steal the pen. He's doing the tricks just to him once a week. Then I started taking the red pen from him and giving it back to him. Like putting it in the bath. Oh, God, we would go to him and say, we found the red pen in the bathroom and he would go, but I wasn't in the bathroom. And then he started, he got so fucking. Mysteries of the unknown.

If you started getting so coked up, Leo, we stinks like I torment him. Right. He doesn't know I've been doing this for 30 years. Like I make people go crazy. Like I'm the best at making people go crazy. Oh, yeah. Geez. So I would put pads in places where he won.

Like I would go, I would go into the secretary's office and put the pen in her desk and then she would come back and go, Rob, why should I hang on my desk? And he go, I lost that two days ago. Why is it on top of your day? I don't know how I got it. So he would scratch his head because he was the best salesman. So my game was to throw him off point. Right.

So then he started selling coke, but he had a wife that was straight. That didn't do all guy. So he was worse. He would hide the coke at the office. He was getting two, three ounces of the shot. And what he would do is he throw cut on an ounce, right? And weigh it into grams and put it in little packages and hide it in the ceiling. And I would go to service at six in the morning when service first gets there.

Yeah, right. I would go there, coked up from the night before, take the ounces out of the ceiling. And I put coke in the grams and take coke out of that. I take an eighth out of one ounce, put an eighth of the speed of cutting there and take another eight. I was doing that to him for a month. Holy shit. And I started switching the coke on.

OK, then I started taking out the ceiling and putting this. You're going to find yourself in the trunk. God, I was tormenting this kid. He would come. I would see him in the. He still thinks about this. There's no way that he does this to me. I did this to him for six to seven months. Oh, my God.

It was a constant reaction every day. He would go up to the manager and go, I don't know what's going on. I'm losing my mind. God, I probably stole 40 pens from him and I had a secret spot for them. And one day when he was in the middle of his nervous breakdown, because then he found that somebody was messing with his coat and he couldn't figure out who the fucking was. I got to get to the bottom of this.

Somebody's bulldozing me in the morning. He was he was he was a white, white dude. He would use words like bamboozled and shit like that. He's like, somebody's bamboozled me. Sabotaging me. And I'm like, bro, I don't know what you're talking about. He goes, we got to start coming early. I think somebody comes here in the morning.

I takes my coke. I was tormenting this kid. And one day I showed up. I was quitting. I was getting ready to quit and go back to the Subaru store before I kidnap Bella and I fucking gave him what I see. God punishes because two weeks later I ended up in the fucking jail with a fucking all $50,000 bail.

And the day I quit, I had a stack of pens. It had to be four inches, 30 fucking 30 of those parking. Yeah, yeah. I had a heavy duty rubber band. And the day I quit, I go, Rob, I got some for you. Stack of dynamite. And I put the fucking pens on the thing and he almost broke in half.

Wow. I had no fucking idea. Were you stealing my coke too? I'm like, ah, gee. Oh, God, unsolved mysteries. I invited him to my wedding. He was sweating up a storm in my head. Someone's coke is disappearing.

What? You know, Paul does that shit to people. Guys, man, I tortured that poor soul. When I started switching the coke on him, Pablo, you know how that is. Yeah, that's what you think. You hit the coke behind that picture. And now it's in the tissue box. You don't know how the fucking happened.

And you're fucked up already. Oh, yeah. Now your mind's playing tricks on you. Are any stories coming back, Pablo? Joey did mess with me that weekend. Like, Joey. I never mess with Pablo. My coke didn't move.

I remember putting it in my head and then he was wearing it. You know, in reality, I never think I've done a line with you, Pablo. No, I don't think we have. I offered him. Yeah, we know we each other did it. We never really broke that bond because. Well, he was freaked me out because he would go. I was when I first met him, he was, hey, the vampire.

And then I go, what is he doing? He goes, you know, I'm talking about two shots, a little porno movie. I was going, this guy knows too much. This is because I used to tell him I was breaking out the cape. Yeah, you know, but I didn't understand that. Whatever you do, you break out the cape. And then when you set the porno, then you do the shot. And once you put the porno on a couple of shots, I go, what is this guy?

So he thought I was like a heretic. He thought I had a direct camera to his fucking house. Yes, that was kind of you. You know, you got a porno in the VCR. You know what? How do you know this? Oh, I was talking about people. That was my world.

That's how long have you been so before now? About a little, a little less than a year, about a year, I would say. How do you feel? I feel, let's put it this way. I feel good. I got a lot more energy, you know, but I started smoking a lot more. But other than that, I mean, I'm having a good time. You know, it's I feel kind of proud.

But then again, you know, I don't get too cocky because, you know, liquor is free. You know, it's it's there. It's around. So liquor stores are fun. You know, you go in there, you get beef jerky. That kind of thing. And you'll get some bean dip, whatever, with some Fritos. And they want to just grab a lot, the big bottle, but the little bottle. But hey, I'm doing good at ride eight.

I just walked through the aisles, you know, right through the liquor. You got drinking either. Yeah, no, no drinking. No drinking. No, I had a few, but it was no, it wasn't a buzz. You know, I took a few sips just to see what it was like. Was drinking a trigger for you? Everything was, you know, it's just, you know, getting off stage was fun, you know,

because, you know, there's a party going on and you can want to write some jokes. And sometimes the jokes come when you're high and sometimes they don't. But nowadays, they just come like crazy. It's just like, you just got to have a different way of writing now. It's like, you just, you know, put down the premise. But now it's like, got to write the whole thing down because I forget when I see the premise. And sometimes I got to write them on the wall, you know,

and so I got to get a little bit more organized in that. But, you know, the idea still come, but it's, you know, I talk about, you know, I like going back and talking about the topics because every topic, you know, deserves to be talked about again. So that's what I'm doing right now. And it's, it's, it's fun. And it's just a little bit harder, you know, trying to find somebody to impersonate, you know, like, you know, remember back in, you know, 2000 stuff that you had, you know,

Michael J. Fox and that kind of thing, you know, and now you got no one who sounds, they all sound alike, you know, so you got Mark Wahlberg. Hey, man, you doing good? You doing good? Okay, work on that one. But there's not too many. Again, you know, jump around on, you know, Arnold Schwarzenegger, everybody does an Arnold, but you got to just switch it up and make it more clever,

that kind of thing. But other than that, I'm doing good. What did Arnold say when he got kicked in the back? Oh, I'll be back. I'll be back. Okay, that's what happened. Okay, you know, you know, get out. Good God.

Who does a drop kick? You know, Jackie Chan. He just dropped that motherfucker, isn't he? God, he handled it well, though. He was like, he's like 70 years old, right? Yeah, yeah, man. He's at Muscle Beach all the time, I think. Joey asked how comedy's changed.

I remember, I grew up watching Comedy Central in the early 2000s, late 90s. And I remember watching yours. And I remember people talking, it was way before the internet, I remember people talking about it. Can you guys talk about how like, even if it wasn't Comedy Central, but how that stuff used to change your world? Yeah, it would change your world. That was crazy.

I remember when that came out. Yeah, the producers would tell you, you know what, back then it was no internet, but they would say, hey, listen, we're going to play it six times this year. And if you get some requests, they're going to play it more. But it's going to change your life. And it did, because after the first play, and I go, you know what? I was too different, I thought, you know? And then I go, by the second time, these people see it,

they're going to talk about it. So it ended up playing, getting like 12 requests. I was going to say, you must have got a lot of requests. Oh, yeah. They're all of us. It was great, man. And just couldn't believe how many people had on VHS tape, you know? So had a guy named Charlie who would go around,

hey, I got to show everybody the tape, you know? And he would show it, show me. It was like a half hour, but it was fun, you know? It's, that's how it circulated. People were just recording it. They didn't have it. You couldn't go to ComedyCentral.com back then and, you know, just get it off their website. Didn't even have T-Roll.

Yeah. So it's just, if you caught it, you caught it. If you didn't, you didn't. So it was, it was, it was, it was a good thing, you know? It did change my life. And a lot of people just did come to the show. But they would all constantly start repeating it, you know? So I was going, all right, cool.

Sometimes it would be three times a week. And it went from 12, it was initially six times they were going to play it. We're going to play it every four or five weeks. But then it started getting to more requests. So they played it like 21 times or something like that during the year. So it worked out. You know, Pablo, now that you're sober, I mean, listen, there's nothing anybody could do. And I'm not being angry or anything.

I'm just speaking the truth here. Right. You know, the number one comic today is Kevin Hart. You know, there's nothing I could do in my mad at Kevin. Not at all. I love Kevin. I wish him all the fucking luck in the world. He's a sweetheart.

He's the hardest working guy in the show business. I love him to death. You know, Sebastian, who we all love, I love Sebastian. He's selling tickets, Bill Burr selling tickets, great comic. You know, what I want, you know, this, this comedy career, this journey that we take, it comes in peaks and valleys. Yeah. If you go see John Wick, you see John Wick three.

You see that guy is the evil right guy at the cascus. The cascus is his name. He used to be the guy from chef on whatever. I know Mark from my friend, you know, you know, Mark was living out of here. You know, this, this career is peace and valley and all of a sudden he's sitting in front of his TV and they call him up to be the bad guy. I'm praising John Wick, the number one movie in America. He said, this is why people live in Los Angeles.

This is why people stay here because the lottery ticket could come when you're 28 or it could come when you're fucking 90. No one knows, you know, junior soprano did Godfather to then you didn't see him for 30 fucking years and he pops in one of the biggest series of all time. Hey, yeah. You know, Steve Sharipo. Steve Sharipo. Book in the Riviera.

Book in the Riviera. You know, I want to be a star. You know, how you do that? Now he's a fucking author. He's an Australia doing stand up with Michael Rappaport and not Michael Rappaport, the other guy. It doesn't matter. What I'm trying to say is that this is peace and valley, Pablo.

No bullshit. You know me. Right. I've always thought you were in the top three comics. Yeah, you know. Talent wise. Well, thank you, man. There's not too many people who could deal with fucking Pablo.

There's not. I've watched. I always said the best two people live. If I've watched in a positive reaction, listen, I'm a dirty comic. I'm up there talking to my shit. Nobody deserves to listen to that. If you come to one of my shows, shoot yourself. No idea what talent is.

I remember going to see Pablo and studying them. There was two comics I studied on the road. Somebody once told me, you're a loser. You play to the back of the room. You got to learn to play to the front of the room. And there was two comics that showed me that, that vision. Right. It wasn't Rogan.

It wasn't Chris Rock. Right. It was Pablo Francisco and Richard Jenny. Wow. I opened up for Pablo in Houston, and I never saw so many people come out happy. Yeah. Get some good grunts. I never saw the happiness.

There was no cursing. There was no eating pussy jokes. There was no disgust that shit that comes out of my mouth. It was just wholesome fun about Arnold and this and that. And at the end, people were just, you know, it's like a Joe Koy show. Yeah. Absolutely. You know, it's like people leave there like they just saw Pixar movie.

And the only people at the time when I was a young comic that helped me explain that bridge that I got and was you and Richard Jenny. Wow. I saw it. Yeah. I saw, I saw the reaction of people walking out of a Pablo Francisco room with Richard Jenny. I saw something else.

Right. I saw that when Pablo comes up to me and asks me what I want to drink. Right. I'm a gentleman. I look at Pablo's eyes and I go, Pablo, make it a gin and tonic. Lee wants to make his mark and coke. This is Miami. Yeah.

People want to see Richard Jenny with not fucking white trash. People want to see Richard Jenny had class. They had money for those tickets. And in 2000, I still remember fucking people who had class. Palm Beach, right? Would not look at the waitstaff when Richard Jenny was on stage. Right. They would not take their off.

I'm just, let me get a water. Right. Right. Absolutely. Yeah. Right. That's it. Let me get a gin and tonic.

Yeah. You know, gin and tonic. Yeah. When you gave me the check, it was like, thank you. And they put it down. Yeah. It was just overwhelming. The way he controlled the audience.

The topics. The topics he threw out here was something different. Right. When you get to an education that nobody is ever going to get to see again, unless you see him live, you'll never see that in this fucking hour special. Get the last special he did, a big pile of me. Was it good? Oh, just, it's amazing.

It's great. It's totally different from what he usually does. But it, you know, he's just... So you were a student of Richard Jenny? Oh, yeah. Richard Jenny? Yeah, I had a bit. He came, he came downstairs at Gotham, he goes, hey man, I want to get a picture with

you. And I was wondering, he goes, yeah. And he was, it's going to be a good Christmas. And he started talking to me. And I know that he's so intelligent that when I was trying to bounce off him, man. It was difficult because he was you know talking about the the he was here because all these Burger King Movie theme of toys. He was what next to Jesus Christ's crown of thorns, right? And it was so funny, but I was like, but he was uh, he was a really just like the way he would go into topics and just

He's doing it, you know, just explain it really intelligently and have a good explanation for it now Well, I saw you in Houston, okay 15 years ago, whatever the fuck it was, right? We were both waxed out. Oh, yeah. Yeah Friday waxed up the shows and you would just give me a hug See you later. You want to come you need money? No, bam, right, right? Just leave. He would come up to me You need money? Yeah, I can't imagine what you're like today sober You must be lighting those rooms on fire, you know, I have to tell you the truth man You know, it's like I'm pulling out the new material and stuff and I like to get response You know all the time so I'm rehearsing more in my my my

My how do you say this shower and then you know usually it goes into living room then into the kitchen, you know I get everything locked down. So right now. It's the shows go by quicker Let's put it that way for me even though you do you do the time, but it's like It's it's it's Sometimes I want to get to the joke so quickly I talk a little bit too quickly, you know Because I don't want to you know, I don't want to forget the joke, you know So it's a lot of preparation now, but it's fun. It is all fun But now I got to write more of the joke down you last time just write the premise down. Boom

You got it all over here, but now now it's a little a little different and you're thinking about doing an hour Yeah, yeah, I'm putting a little hour. Yeah, we're great. We're at a good 45 minutes, you know But you know when you start you know start doing an hour you have to keep repeating the hour over and over So sometimes I just like to do the old stuff and then putting the new stuff and then listen to it And then just find my segues right there. Yeah, so it's uh, I know it's it's a lot of videotaping, you know And you know, we hate listening, you know watching our own stuff. Welcome. Hey. Oh gosh. Yeah, so And then you got a fast four, but thank God, you know, we got the internet now So watch I'll put everything download it on to the

To the computer and I just shuffled through and it's a lot more better than that It's it's just take the audio tracks and listen that, you know, and you're still doing the voice over still doing voiceovers, man It's good. It's it's fun. You know Subaru Xv. That's right. And yeah, it's it makes money and it's fun So I remember when I first went to my first audition It was the church's chicken in 97 Okay, it's done the voiceovers for them. Really didn't you do I did I was a spokesperson for church Those commercials man, I want in the room like I'm gonna tell him I know Pablo and shit Like we didn't even give me the opportunity

No, I come in Do thank you, right? You'll be hearing from us right you can see on that face that was saying go fuck yourself They didn't even say like right no Pablo Francisco Like I was just gonna go right tell the casting people like I know Pablo. So let's get this party started right this fucking process I'll give them a call right now called church is direct. This is 97. Yeah, man It was already the official spokesman the fucking church. Yeah, man wrote those commercials It was great man because after we we wrote those right they got back

They got the the original spokesperson. She was on Fred on a Samper and son that one that one lady, right? And I did another like three more little sizzle reels of more commercials and I got I sold them So I still got it back. So they took a little little quiz for and said get out of here And so they put me back in there you big dummy. So yeah, it worked out So that was that was my treasure chicken money and I was a you know, put it away and bought a house and Voice over's ever since I've been doing it like wait once in a while, you know, I did I've been auditioning like crazy Which is great about it. You can do it right there in the comfort of your own house was your voice over. I got see it Yeah, see a so it's uh, you know, you do it right there in your house

Grab your iPhone and just get ready this summer Joey Diaz this summer has Joey Diaz written all over it Sounds mercenaries Boink So I'm doing one tomorrow and I'm excited about it. I'm doing big city greens My daughter watches the fucking show. So is it is it a series? It's a Disney series Comes out at five every day me and her watch. Oh, so when I got the offer I was like this can't be fucking happening great

And I'm doing the part of like a fucking guy in an alley way that scams cricket. All right, right out of door Ray me it's got Jesus the guy from what's the name trail Danny trail Danny trail. Okay, the guy from taxi I mean, I'm honored to be on the fucking way. So So I love I would love to do that shit. Oh, yeah I'd love to do it on a full time those people it's so hard to break into that like you broke into that right away Right. Yeah, it's tough and to break into that right a couple years ago I did Mafia 3 the game. Oh really? I thought that would open up doors But it really didn't right and then I think I thought the podcast, you know when I got here

I was with Sutton Barton. All right, right? It's other parts for an hour and they were like tremendous and voiceovers and one day they were like, oh You're not getting shit. Choke yourself. So I just Stop doing voiceovers. I was like fuck. I'm not good at them, right? Everybody tells me I got a great voice, but obviously I can't make a fucking dime doing now Were you were you driving to the auditions to do a voiceover? Yeah, oh gosh I couldn't stand that man. That was a long time ago. We would have to go to like All the way the Wilshire and Wilshire had one. There was one up here somewhere

But I came up here like I did shark tail like I read the shark. Oh really? And I'm like, oh, I'm getting this baby and then they called me one day They're like listen, you really in high regard for this, right? Are you in to do this and I'm like, oh, yeah I'll pump up. I'll fucking do it then again. She's a guy that called me was like listen. They rather give you You know 25,000 then give somebody else a hundred thousand Especially there's a lot of mob voices. So I was like, oh shit. I'm gonna get this. I didn't get dick Like if I didn't get shark tail, I'm not gonna get nothing and I had Vincent pastore's first residual check The shark tail was over a hundred thousand gosh damn him. That's the way you know when you're under wearing just eight voices

Movie makes fucking a hundred million dollars. You're living in fucking easy street for a while. Oh, yeah Yeah, movie that movie preview. Have you done movies? You know what? I've done a few I've done a few for like for ABC like ABC movies and stuff like that But when I went when I met Don LaFontaine the guy who did he and it's coming to my house And I went to his house for like five hours because we're doing this Frank Kelly endo show and as the three tenitors and He was you know what I do three of these a day and I'd live like a king I live like a king. So come on down and we're gonna do some voice over and he had them You know the bubble that you know that he gets into his channel. Oh, yeah

People do him in the house and he just gets a piece of paper and go get ready Keith. There's Sutherland You know on 24 bucks office to whatever bucks DVD set and there you go I live like a king just really humble about it. You know and just that's all he does three a day He stole I oh no, he passed away. He passed away from a blood clot, but a blood clot. Yeah, yeah I couldn't believe it goes. I got something in my lungs. I don't know what it is and it was like going well We'll find out, you know, and it was like a little tiny blood clot in his lung his vessel. So Yeah, so it was But after I went to his house, he gave me his ISDN unit, right?

And when I was there, you know, I noticed that he introduced me to all these guys that do the voice over like the one Who does Disney, you know Hercules and all your favorite Disney characters that kind of guy, right? And I just happen they wanted me to go and do like a tribute to Don but that same day I I got Howard Stern. So I went on Howard Stern It was a beautiful day But it was kind of like it's kind of sad at the same time because you know I flew to New York and but still got Howard Stern. So it worked out you're you looking hot. So and From that point on his wife called me once in a while and keep in touch. He's a cool dude. Really cool dude

That's funny that you imitated him. You didn't expect Impersonation impersonation of him and he a lot of people when you do impersonation of them They look at you a little weird. He's I always wanted someone to do me and you do me better than I do me And I was going can I take a picture of you? He took a picture of me and put it right there and you know with it with all his family I was like, oh, okay, cool. And we hung out. He was a good guy, man Really good dude and we went back to if you go to like YouTubing just go three tenadors with Frank Caliendo. You can see you can check it out

It's us three doing all movie previews guys. So it's that it's kind of cool It's kind of funny and we're on tuxedos and get ready for undergroundy biz and we all take turns doing our movie previews guys So it works out. So it works out kid Do you guys remember like the first? because you when you start comedy like you you're struggling you're not really making money and obviously you know I'm not asking a brag about money, but the first check where you're like, holy crap. Like I got like this is a check written to me Yeah, that's crazy. I remember you know, I mean the first big check. Yeah, sure. Whatever you anyone Mine was with Fred Silverman. I signed with him

I think he was a president of ABC at the time or something and I sent me a check for 19,800 bucks and that's how much I owed on my discover card exactly about So as I got I went to pay off my discover card, but other than that, yeah, I mean some of these corporate gigs They pay sick money, you know, you know, you get 30,000 sometimes you're still going to Finland Still going. Yeah, I still go to I just got back from Australia and I went to Hong Kong, you know And now Finland it's gonna be a while before I go there because I was always up in Finland doing all the cities up there And it was it was a YouTube that was really responsible for that So it's like, you know, sold a lot of tickets and I couldn't believe it that, you know, the internet was that powerful

So I still go there or I usually go to Sweden a lot too, but right I gotta get I gotta change up the actor You know when I go there, you know pull out the old stuff get it, you know, tune it up a little bit People like to see that They like to see the old hits so I'll do the movie previews guy and just add Chris Rock in there What's the deal with these tortillas that kind of thing, you know, do the all-state guy and people well They don't know the all-state guy there. Yeah, but they'll go they'll see the clip Then they'll go to all-state guy and then all-state guy will, you know, bounce me off a guy Are you in good hands do decepticons and transformers?

Usually become a liability with all state and what's up with Caitlyn Jenner? How can you wear a thong when you got a dog that kind of thing? Are you in good hands? So, uh, it was commercial been going on for like ten years now. So, you know, yes farmers Yeah, what's up with that's the black dude from major league, right? I mean major league. Yeah, I forgot his name Rano, he was on 20. Yeah. Yeah, I'm the president. That's right. What's up with this Verizon guy going to sprint man? That's illuminati. Huh? Yeah, he did Yeah, he's talking to chubby, too. Yeah, he's talking till he wasn't talking. I saw that the other day

He's talking man, just a little bitty war. That's kind of crazy and Burger King's out of business, too What's up with that shit? Are they? Yeah, they're done. They're completely done man. No, they're not. It's where they got me. They just introduced the garden burger People gonna go in there and eat that fucking plant burger. You're telling me they got a garden burger They got a garden burger. Supposedly. He's gonna go try. I don't know man. We we just had one I mean right by the Pep Boys level done. Really? Yeah, down in the Dondo up in Redondo, man But they were they were right by they were right by the Jehovah's Witness church, too And it was yeah, that doesn't work. Yeah, the meat people don't want to eat people next to Jehovah's Witness

Yeah, yeah, you just don't want to do it. You're not the moves. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's but yeah They leveled it. I guess they're closing up a bunch of businesses now Yeah, Starbucks, you remember there's a bunch of those and they say that Subway is going downhill after thank God I know I'm kind of creepy. Jerry fucking daughter. Hate Subway She inherited that from you. Oh my god, she is anti Subway she she just go on a rant about some Sandwiches taste the same. No, I don't know why somebody at school Something happened with her and fucking Subway and she's six years old. She's like anti fucking Subway

She don't like the hamburger place across them The pizza joint that new place where they make those creepy. Oh, I haven't been there. Yeah, burger. Yeah burger That place looks weird that Fucking you got a good-eyed kid. Wow. We learn from you. Why don't you smoke pot? You know, it's it was friendly in the beginning, but man, it gets me paranoid. You know, how about the pot cookies pop brownies at night? Oh jeez. I mean, yeah, yeah Subscribe by what doctor 420. Yeah, it's just sinks and it's just it's just Hey, I'm I'm slowly running a red light. I don't know why it's like

Yeah, we're I'm leaving this front. I'm leaving the refrigerator door open a long time. Pablo. You know how crazy I was, you know Oh, yeah, you're smoking like crazy. I know how you did I'm not talking about the reef. I'm talking about, you know, how crazy I was of the drugs I mean, I still sit here some nights and I go I Can't believe I'm not going to the bank to take $100 off the bike Ramaco, right like I really cannot believe it I try to explain it to people and I can't even explain it because I don't believe it myself You ever don't believe. Yeah, you know, don't believe it. Like I cannot believe I stopped snowing cup like I It baffles me right times. I'm driving. I'm like, I hope this isn't a dream

I don't wake up tomorrow. I'm that fucking crazy guy, right? And it's been it's gonna be 12 years. Wow 12 years, right? Don't get me wrong. I read some fucking couple vikings. I've drank a couple beers Right reading a couple Xanax. I did a couple lines Academy But I did do Academy was a coke. No, I didn't Breakdown and do the thing that was gonna eat me alive. Yeah, that's stuff a lot when I watched Ray The movie Ray

Yeah, okay. Yeah, they said he was 64 when he finally got off Harold But I remember sitting there going I Can't take it Tom 64. Oh, no, there's no way at I Think I was 44 right? I was 44. I said there's no way I'm gonna make 20 more years If I do a gram of coconut. Oh, God, he four nights a week. There's no and that was just a starting point Yeah, I know Ram is where it starts. Yeah, where it ends. You never know where the fuck it's gonna I right by the by the time I finished I was doing heroin that summer right the summer of 2007 I was doing heroin we smoking it or snort snort. Oh, yeah

Quick line of Chinese heroin and I was doing it on Mondays, right? And that kept me off the powder all week All right, if I would do the heroin that would keep me off the powder All right, and then that on September and October he stopped sending me heroin So I went right back to the coke and it was like it started at a gram Right, it started with a gram of ten and then I sneaked out compadring another gram of 12 And you're drinking too on top of it, right? No, you you never drink. No, because my wife was in the other room I didn't want to know I was doing coke. I can't maintain

Smoking camel lights one after the other right to the fucking filter. I would they would turn off They would burn the finger off and shit, right, you know, and I I Decide to quit whatever 2007 November 8th or whatever the fuck it was In the first month I shot a movie and then after that I sweated out and then I came to the conclusion I didn't like the word sober I learned from being in federal rehab and From being on a rehab and prison and all that shit, right the hardest time I had was when you told me I couldn't do something Yeah, tell me I can't do something. I'm gonna do it just out of spite. Don't fuck

Right, don't fucking tell I know not to do it. Don't fucking tell me all right Oh, yeah, no doubt. So I'm one of those people that you know, I sit here sometimes I'm sitting with my daughter watching TV And I'll go fuck I had a daughter 30 years ago that this didn't happen because if she was on my lap I'd be thinking about how I was gonna look at my next bag of powder You know, we already know the thing about me being completely sober. So what I said was I said I got a deal no heroin No coke no oxycontins nothing heavy, right? Not even alcohol like I avoid alcohol

I like it and I could drink it every time I got on a plane. I get a free drink You don't need fucking Southwest vouchers. I got more Southwest vouchers than they got right But I came to a conclusion. I said I'll tell you what I'm gonna do Just so I still feel dirty And I still feel like greasy of Joe Diaz, right? I'm gonna smoke dope Amen do edibles Edibles is fucking from time to time. I'm gonna dabble and some illegal fucking pill or acid Just to keep the back of the mind sane just to let me think I'm still the piece of shit

I always was you know I'm saying yeah, I didn't like that that's not a ketamine. It was fun Get it. You know Kedamini's a year ago when yo Romero was here one of my buddies gave me a percocet I ate a percocet one day on a Sunday. I was I for 12 hours really, but I do it again No, I didn't do it again. It was it was at a good buzz or was it good high or it was a fucked up high I did I did this podcast at lunchtime and him and his cousin was sitting there because you want to do a pill I go why not? What am I? Medication I took like one pill an hour later I was off and running really and I had a got a podcast that day and I had to work through it

Leading even though I didn't say nothing about wow. Well, I think that saved us was you all didn't get high So I cleaned the office But we got acid there, right? I still got acid there. I think we got rid of the ketamine Something left the ketamine here. Let's try to threw it away. I can't find it Yeah, we have a little bit of everything. I just didn't want to be so but it's worked for me Pablo, right? I just didn't want the word so but I wanted to at least know that I did something right doesn't have to be coke And it's working for me. It's 12 years. Hey, man. It's it's a long it's just a little suggestion for you Yeah, it's just I had your struggles. I think you're a fucking great kid. Oh, thanks, man

I think you're a great talent and you want me to tell you something else? I think you ain't done yet I feel I feel like I just going into your fucking groove. I feel like I'm just starting. I'm just loving it, man The longer you stay healthy the deadlier you get probably though. Yep. Well, thanks, man Those are good words and with all the states down. That's right. Bump around bump bump bump bump. Oh, yeah I'm just uh, I'm so excited just to get on stage nowadays, but yeah, it's uh, I feel I mean I always feel like I feel like 22 sometimes, you know, sometimes I get up and I feel like what do I feel like? Did I go well, you know about 28 27? I just act like it, you know, but never like no getting up and feeling sore You know, it's like get up do a few push-ups now don't get too crazy working out because I hate, you know

Doing the push-ups and all that kind of thing. So just do a few pull-ups and you know It's just cracked, you know, you're going to meetings. You said yeah, go to the meetings But yeah, you haven't been to a meeting for like maybe two weeks, you know, okay Because uh, there's that one guy man. He's always pissed off, you know, he's hasn't till you know says the same story And it's the same guys. I know there's a meeting every The reason they call it a because when you reach for a drink they go, uh, that's what happens, right? So Basically, I thought alcoholics anonymous was a place where you can get drunk and no one said anything but that's uh But uh, you don't want to go in there drunk though because uh, do you have a sponsor now?

Uh, no, no not spy. I kind of did but uh, you know, I uh He was he was bugging too much, you know, and just wanted to call me up and hey, man, you doing okay You know and and I have dreams and stuff, you know, and they wanted to you know, keep it level and Hey, remember want me to go to a show with you? No, don't go to a show just You stay on I'll call you you call me and that's the way it is, you know, just gotta keep that strength going and And uh, yeah, I'm a happy camper. How's Robert doing? Robert's doing great, man. He's that cocksucker He's moving my love. He's moving. Uh, he's moving the Nashville so he can be closer to new york and And disney's up there too, you know, his wife's a singer. So uh, he told me Pablo, you know

But I'll still be bouncing over here and into los angeles and he still runs leaveny And he's a great guy one of my best friends is my best friend. I mean the guy looks out and he's a good dude Good guy, man, and uh, it's very smart And he goes, you know what you just do what I say and everything will be just fine So, you know, you just go right cool and he owns a lot of clubs in there. It's crazy You know, so if I want to work if I want to work the funny bone or something boom There you go. It's been a long 20 years. Pablo. But you know what brother? Hey, man We're still fucking here. Oh, yeah, absolutely. How fucking great this is. Yeah, I mean come on and look time's going by quick

But I'm not getting any older, you know, no, you look beautiful. Thank you. I really did. You surprised the shit out right on man You look good too, man. What's the website? Where can they find you? Pablo francisco.com and then you can hit the twitters, you know pablo underscore francisco and Check it out. You download some of my stuff and you know, it's funny and you know, you want, you know I'll be the comedy jukebox, you know, I'll take requests Listen, I don't know your schedule by heart. I just looked at your website I saw you taking it easy. You're not doing the old Pablo schedules have passed I took uh three weeks off and I'm gonna be in uh, I think I'm gonna be in uh, I think

Somewhere in boston. It's gonna be at the white Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you got a great place. You got houston. You got a couple great places. Oh, yeah, absolutely Yeah, so we're gonna just uh, you know, feel it out and just can't wait to do houston love houston houston rocks, man So anytime you want to promote anything you want to come up here and talk shit. You need to hug You're getting the cough. I hear that beach. Oh, yeah, man Come on up here and it's just a pleasure to see I missed you last week at the ice house Right they switched our nights and then a couple weeks ago you were at the store. Maybe I was at the I was at the Last factory and I was I had a spot there, but you left before I got there

I got there before you got there hanging out with jade davis. Yeah, man. So uh hanging out with the jade. Good guy And uh, looking forward i'm gonna try to you know bounce into the comedy store and see uh last time I was there I saw joe. He was great. He was cool. Give me some advice And uh, really mellow guy. I wonder if it's gonna be like a is he ever gonna have a boy, you know, you know Good old joe. He's cool, man. Funny and his last special rock. That was a little intimate. We're talking about intimate Kind of shows and that that was hilarious. You know one in denver I think the willber wilbur. Yes. Yes. Yes. The willber has become has become a great place Absolutely a great place to when I first did the will but I was like, uh

Yeah, they sent some money into it. They fixed it a little bit and the sound system is great. Yeah I like both his last specials. I thought you were talking about I like denver too Never's rocks and then that's a great city to do a special at right. There's so many great places to do special There's so many great venues now, right? No, I thought that we had great venues 22 years ago. We lost the coconut improv Oh, I know, huh? Which was just rehab central, but I think they reopened it but uh somewhere in downtown, right? They reopened miami They're going to miami. I'm going in october. Nice kid, but they uh, coconut grove was just a once in a lifetime

Yeah, I was there all the time. I was you Fuck I was there six times a year for two weeks. Oh god great and it would just be two weeks of blackout There would be nothing but blackout one night. I would go to south beach my buddies Own a hotel on south beach. They would pick me up at the improv like maybe Monday morning and I would go to south beach eat Cuban food all day Go on their balcony get sun and then at night. We would just smoke dope. That was the only night I had that was normal I wouldn't do blow Or nothing like that. I would just go only at night time. No

No, I would only uh, like what i'm saying In between those two weeks. I would only take one night off of blow right in miami Which was that monday when I went to south beach There was a place walking distance that had a bodega the name of the hotel is called paralyzed point paralyzed point paradise Paradise and uh, they every room is a different Thing like one room is the Tucson room. Oh, okay. I got you like cactuses and shit The other room is the the boat room. You think you're in a boat is uh, right? There's a fucking seal flying through the air right and they would put me in a room

I was that dear friends of them. They wouldn't charge me and you could walk two blocks to this bodega Have you ever seen the movie empire? Yes With john legos ammo. Yep He goes to miami and he meets the guy at the table and the guy goes put your table on the He goes what he goes spit your gum out and put it on the Under the table right and legos ammo goes under the guy's got a gun there That table is in front of that bodega. All right. Okay. Look at that bodega. I'm fine. You're like, uh Let me tell you something. They gave you cuban food by the pound

So you going there with a fucking you'd go in there with a cellophane. I mean lee a big cellophane thing And they would just pile it on. I think it was two ninety nine a pound I get like nine pounds and she had a food. It was like laundry And we we get a broken pick out of here, you know Beef with olives and we get fried bananas by the pound Like everything was by the pound. You got a couple coco ricos that coconut soda and we walked back to paradise two blocks away Two blocks away And we walked back to paradise point and get fucking some people are your loser appetite

But you would like you would get no no no on the days. I didn't do blow right. I would just refuel That's why I got up to 118 pounds. Nice kid. I would do the intermittent for everybody. Oh, I intermittent fasting Right. I'm doing it. Do you see what comes with intermittent fasting? Miami because for three days you intermittent fast You don't eat you just drink. I do the south and then the two days later you eat all day And now you're heavier than when you started. You're like wait a second. I was two ten last week to 18 That's intermittent fasting. It takes some and then more. Yeah, because you got to stay on it for 10 years It's crazy to break the system. So I learned the system from I learned from intermittent fasting from doing boy The biggest I got was intermittent fasting. Wow because you don't eat for two days, right? And then you eat everything

Yeah, well, you know the south beach tonight. That was uh cocaine techno dancing and uh, you know a little ecstasy I just somebody this has been putting old clips of me up lately like they found the clip of me when I did a the one guy's show on Stand-up show on stars, right and then somebody put up ER an episode of er I did with a cump A cut thumb. Wow somebody put that episode up a fucking cold case And I looked at it and I had to turn it off. I almost started crying pop

That was after two week binge in houston That's that christmas because pete used to book me right after babbitt pete would book me The two weeks of christmas and then I would leave new years and wow Jim gaffigan would come in new years eve gaffigan. Yes, I would do those two weeks in houston drinking snorting And eating, you know when you go for a cheese omelette, they give you a whole separate dish filled with french fries At the greek joint at whatever it's called where you go. They give you an egg Omelette right thick with cheese all on top of it not this fucking Lactose tolerant fucking deli's around here and then they give you a whole dish

filled with fries and a whole dish filled with toast You know, they give you two pieces of toast here. They give you like a dad at this place And I would go there every morning and drink Eat the cheese omelette with the dish of french fries and 16 or 17 coca-colas Because that's Elvis Presley after you do blow all night. There's nothing better than a can of coca-cola Nice kid or iced tea. No, yeah a lot of lemon Yeah, that that fucking body needs that vitamin c jack you or orange every single vitamins

Bro, I would snort. I would fucking drink an orange tree What do you think that orange juice does to you? It just puts fucking fat on you. That's it. Really? Oh my god. It's nothing but sugar Yeah, but it's it's the good sugar telling you now. I'm not to drink fucking juice no more. That's worse Man, I heard juice kills cancer now. Now it doesn't No, it depends like a little dash of pomegranate or something like that. Oh, okay. Yeah, all right. It's good for the dick stick What's the name of the website? Pablo francisco.com. There you go. Francisco. I wish you all luck in the world. Thanks, buddy Stay sober because one year

You'll be the fucking killer. They they can't resist you bro. That's real talent Man, thank you. No vulgarity. Yeah, man It's whistles noises you jump up and down sweat and profusiously I know laying your soul on the stage for these motherfuckers So if you have not seen Pablo francisco lately, he ain't going nowhere bitches He's still alive and kicking do not forget I will be in new olines friday At the film or a couple tickets left and there's a couple tickets left for the tabernacle in atlanta on saturday night

And then at the end of the month, I'm at columbus ohio at the funny bone I'm keeping my schedule light Like pablo this shit too with summertime. Keep it light. I gotta hang out my little six year old daughter I want to thank Pablo francisco for taking the time. It was a pleasure seeing you Right. Oh, you're one of my favorites in the business I want to thank you motherfuckers for listening And I want to thank the christ killer for always being here and taking bullshit and whatnot I love you motherfuckers now

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I want to thank 23 and me. I want to thank tushy. I want to thank cbd lion I want to thank My bookie. I want to thank zip recruit anybody who works for this I love you guys because you provide a great service to the church family And I want to thank you motherfuckers for having my back. Do not forget friday new orleans saturday atlanta tabernacle theta Seven o'clock steve simone be there or be square. I love you motherfuckers. I want to thank pablo I want to thank my man the flying jew a.k.a. The christ killer a.k.a. fucking lisa yat

And I want to thank you guys for always having a back. Have a great weekend Have a great remainder of the week. We love you cocksucker. Stay black league kick this fucking mule Oh Where does it stop? What do you dare me to draw the line? You got the body now you want my soul Don't even think about it say no go. Yeah I'll do anything that you want me to That you want me to

I can't go for that I can't go for being twice as nice I can't go for just repeating the same old lines Use the body now you want my soul Go forget about it and I say no go. Yeah I'll do anything that you want me to Yeah You almost said it

You want me to Yeah, but I can't go for that No, no But no kind of I can't go for that No No happiness I can't go for that no no No can do I can't go for that can't go for that can't go for that can't go for that Hello

I'll do anything that you want me to Yeah, I'll do almost anything that you want me to Yeah, but I can't go further, no No can do, I can't go further, no No can do, I can't go further, no No, no can do, I can't go further, can't go further Can't go further, can't go further, yeah No I can't go further, no, no

No I can't go further, I can't go further, no No can I can't go further, I can't go further, no No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no