Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #692 - Jo Koy

Episode Date: June 12, 2019

Jo Koy, a stand up comedian and host of "The Koy Pond" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio! Jo's new Netflix special "Comin' in Hot" is available to stream on Netflix on June 12, 2019.  This podcast is brought to you by:   Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your portable bidet.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   

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oh shit nice and smooth taking it back to 93 with joe coy up in this motherfucker hey 104 degrees playing the valley a beautiful day to be alive it doesn't matter how hot it is in la you're in la think of it that way i was in new york wings last week here we go shake that ass it's wednesday bitches paddle it up that's coco right there that's a lead singer coco she's amazing who's in the vocals on this me

oh that just brought me back man oh my god that's when i had hair i'm not even joking you know all-side love what was the never gonna get it never oh my god and vogue and vogue went to go see them at the elad and theater did you really up i went and saw swv too where i was so i was living in vegas at the time so i was i was addicted to all of that that whole new jack swing movement came out of new york virginia beach new york teddy riley you know when he collaborated with swv that all those beats right there just fucking amazing that's that that that that arrow will never come back i mean they try it like bruno started coming out with this you know with his 24 carat you know that was a throwback to to that movement but that movement was so special

because it was kind of like the separation from r&b of the 80s the traditional you know the the new editions and all that and then and it went to like this hip-hop feel it was just like this that street vibe you know what i mean mary j blige swv guy black street like it was just raw you grew up on i loved it man jodesy are you kidding me jodesy was tremendous dude one of my favorite i'm sorry to keep talking joey but when i when i met i'll be sure at uh at jerry's deli i i literally paid for his meal and uh and uh oh it was i'll be sure and uh and uh heavy d and i paid for the meal and i literally walked up and i was just like amen thank you for everything like you changed music you guys changed music and thank you for that and and that's that was on that was my way of

saying thank you they always say never meet your heroes but i had to do that like that that music right there it was everything to me that's all i had you know all i did was listen to rock music i mean i did but i'm more of the if it's a hit then then i gravitate towards it like when acdc comes out with you know back in black or you know i mean uh pearl jam it you know what i mean hey that's whenever it's like that then i then i gravitate towards it but i i don't go deep into the b sides of it i'm a beetles fan i'm a you know i mean i'm i'm i'm not rock i'm more of that rmb i'm just blown away that so many comedians come in here you throw on music and they fucking spill their guts yeah why did you get into music you are like sort of a dj

i love it man you know i think also because filipino my filipino side my mom's side it's it's all about music it's little my sister became a singer in vegas for 20 years she was a lounge act you know that that was my first time actually tasting a vegas stage was when my sister was in between a uh a set and she goes hey my brother does comedy and i went up at the stardust remember the stardust before they tore that shit down so i went up at the stardust and it was a bar they were playing a bar this is so vegas right here it was a bar and behind the bar where they put the the bottles was her band like they literally gave her the this this this desk right here was their stage they had a fucking drum two guitars and my sister singing a lead with the the guitar

player and and they were doing it they were doing four sets a night you know what i mean from eight to one a.m. and then and she brought me up one night and i remember i was you know i was being dirty it was my first you know i was you know how it is when you first start it was just dirty dirty dirty and then the the the pit boss came and he was like hey get him up what the fuck can't be talking like that we got people gambling but that was my first taste of a vegas stage and i was that was it i was addicted now you grew up in seattle i grew up in to coma which is 40 foot right right to coma which is like 45 minutes from uh seattle never did comedy up there no man i told everyone i was gonna be one though no i used to sign a phone book i was living with

my roommate william and i used to sign the phone book just this back this is how old i am just for your listeners i'm very fucking old 48 beautiful ah thanks man and i was i was signing in the phone book you know just sign it just sign it sign it sign every page phone you know that that's back then when people needed phone books you know we didn't have our phones back then you need the fucking phone book and i remember he was looking for like something in the phone he was like yo stop fucking signing the phone book what are you gonna be famous said that to me and i was like yeah you'll see you'll see yeah i'm practicing my signature now i was joking but actually underneath it really no man i really and i was actually resented him for that i remember i used

to you know we don't talk anymore by the way william and he was my best friend all the way through but that's when you when you realize when you get to that that fork in the road you're just like you're so you're so fucking driven that that that shit isn't gonna help me you know what i mean that kind of fucking what are you gonna be famous that that's not gonna help me that that little whatever you're saying right there does not help me that brings me down so i don't need that let me go and that's what i did i let him go it was a sad day my sister you know still talks to him but but i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to go back to that like i'm so fucking focused and i just want the right pieces around me i don't have time for that bullshit you know you know i'm

sorry i didn't mean to go no i want i want your soul when you come on yeah i want your soul i don't want you to tell me what they want you to hear yeah i want you to tell me what's on your soul you know it's weird that you were doing that subconsciously yeah but 10% of you knew what you were doing i didn't have the balls to do that yeah because i would have gotten too disappointed if i would have failed the disappointment would have been too much yeah so i went more i'm not paying attention so i don't know what the fuck i'm doing but did you ever watch the 30 for 30 with jim valvano oh yeah man first practice he made him cut the nets yeah to practice being champions so amazing that right there you look at that and go i come on over for that yeah man cut the nets

to see how it feels to cut the nets down and they got a taste of that that went into their subconscious and it just go they manifested and it works it works and you know what's crazy joy is how he did that in the 80s like like right now a lot of people are kind of in touch with that now about manifestation and really believing in it and telling yourself and but imagine back then when that wasn't out no there was only a few people that really thought like that you know what i mean and they did it and that he was one of them man i don't even think he told people he had cancer did he know you know i mean i don't even know if he actually knew or or what but i think he kept that to himself right and it's just like fucking amazing it's just so amazing that that i don't know it's

just it's cool to see people manifest their future and and really taking a hold of whatever it is that they're passionate about and what's that dancer that went bankrupt and whatever it doesn't matter to him mcm mc hammer used to sell albums at the county store yeah people will say he would back his car up and sell albums oh out of the store bro i i was watching the documentary on hammer oh yeah you are good joey that's true god damn yeah because i was watching the documentary and he had a deal with capital records and he turned it down i don't i'm gonna make up a number of let's just say it was a million dollar deal okay which is a lot of money for a rapper back then right and he turned it down because he said i can sell more of them out of the back of my trunk

outside of a nightclub he would literally take his single that he produced himself go to a nightclub beg the dj to play it or tip him a little bit of money make him play it in rotation and once that song came on he went to the floor and just started dancing because he knew everyone's going to watch him dance and then literally he would just wait outside and as the the nightclub would close he would just stand at the back of his car and people would walk up to him yo you were the guy that was dancing he was like yo that was my song boom and he'd sell out the back of his car that's the shit man no all that shit always affects me and always touches me uh jayme fox called his name jayme fox it sounded like a girl and he knew he would get stage time

what genius see what kind of fucking thought process is that that's amazing when you hear that shit you go oh that's how i gotta run this game i gotta be that slick yeah to run this game yeah he would go to the comedy store and he knew if he put his real name down he was a guy yeah so if you put jayme fox he thought he was a girl you gotta be kidding me that's genius and his grandmother you never saw the actor's studio his grandmother used to make him put a piano every day oh he was a kid yeah tell him someday you're gonna need this fucking piano at the end of the playing ray charles dude that's the shit that you sit there and go man this is why you have to pay attention these this is why yeah man all all that stuff even when you when you watch rocky

he didn't manifest himself he went back when fucked rocky up if you because i was watching it the other night it's such a good movie yeah but think what changed him the button that changed him is when he went to the arena and he told the guy that his shorts were color the color were wrong on the shorts and the guy took a puff of a cigar and says it doesn't really matter i think you're gonna give us a good fight and he just looked at him like it just clicked yeah in his head oh shit and he was half retarded rocked but he left the fact that he went back woke up adrian yeah woke adrian up and he told him he was scared and that was it he went in there to fight for his debt yeah he said i'm fighting for my debt all those type of stories or everyday stories that

you have to pay attention to as a young man to see how to get across that peak yeah these are little things he had to do up to about two years ago i thought so vessel stone was just a lucky guy and then i started watching the rambo started coming on yeah i started remembering the rockies and then the expendables and go he's up to rocky eight yeah i just watched creed two yeah on the that's right i didn't even think about that creed two is part of the rocky uh franchise eight rockies holy shit i think it's eight don't get mad at me but think about what you have to do to create what he creates yeah he created years later you know you got the john wick series you got the expense uh you got the other guy that's got a great series but nobody's really done with rockies

four or five rambos and he's doing rocky nine yeah he's 70 and he's 77 and the expendables you almost said yeah he's doing holy shit the expendables are up to almost four and it was three or four yeah dude that's amazing you know here's a guy that gave away his dog because he couldn't feed him hmm here's a guy that took a script and said no you're not gonna let ryan on here play rocky no that's crazy i didn't even know that no yeah he fought him to the end for like a hundred grand when they shot that scene with the but he was a director of rocky right no oh i this whole time i thought he directed rocky wrote it i think right he wrote it see who wrote who directed rocky so then he directed rocky two then right fuck this whole time i thought he was i didn't think he i don't

think he had juice to like four to start telling mother oh really oh man i've been made a wrong story this whole time i can i can it says john g evelson oh i've been telling the wrong story man i always thought like stillone was one of those wrote it directed you know i mean i thought rocky was his baby well he's got a little bit of of whatever in his past uh-huh people haven't raised a hand i just heard a very interesting story i heard a story that and my buddy's gonna kill me for saying that because this is the podcast that so vestus alone had a script no so vestus alone went to bayon to train with chuck wepner and chuck wepner had a notebook with all his notes in it and when he went to train chuck wepner's trainer told him no because he had done porn

so so vestus alone took chuck wepner's notebook and he wrote rocky really yeah and then the expendables was one of eddie bravo students who wrote it what called so vestus alone took him to a meeting so vestus said yes he never heard from the guy again and one day he's sitting in his living room when a commercial comes on showing the expendables so he sued him and if you remember the expendables they said written by so vestus alone and they put that guy's name and he went on to write godzilla and some other stuff but the original story is he got that presented so vestus alone this is crazy so vestus alone say yeah because it really doesn't matter at the end of the day didn't he have something like that with rocky too with rocky something that's what i'm saying

that's a chuck wepner oh that's a chuck oh no shit wepner was like ah listen whatever happened you didn't protect yourself go fuck yourself yeah you should have known better went to when you're watching you should have been prepared who you're dealing with in this in the city but still he kept it alive you know it's like when they always said well let's up when took a lot of music well you know what man i know they didn't take you know it's like when they got accused of taking stay away to heaven they probably did they probably did take that melody but who's gonna overturn that in today's world when you hear the first three chords of stay away to heaven yeah you know everybody in high school lost a friend they put that out but you're gonna reverse it now yeah how many people

got buried with led zeppelin fucking four or whatever the song that album is on for i think they call it something that out how many people got buried with that led zeppelin out but these stories i tell you about jamie fox and i got a thousand other ones that really you know ricky ricardo yeah was his parents sent them from cuba to a private school because batista was out of control in the united states out in cuba out of control yeah and they knew they were next to be the batista was going to shoot him so they wanted to protect ricky ricardo so they sent ricky ricardo uh what's his name in real life um desi arnes desi arnes was uh a private school in miami this is before he was desi arnes before he was that was he famous in cuba no he was a kid

that sang and played the guitar and he got him out of there you're looking he got him out of there but guess who his schoolmate was in miami who capone son get out so christmas time everybody's going to the respected houses for christmas and there's this poor little cuban kid going i got nowhere to go capone's father said your son said you're coming with me took him to chicago it's 1940 they never saw what a fucking cuban was before and this guy walks in with pointy shoes saying hello and capone found love him and one day he called capone said i want to play this club in new york capone made the call and that's the story of desi arnes are you fucking kidding me that's a real story that's a real story and and then somewhere he met lucille ball yeah

which is even more crazy crazy crazy crazy opportunities never ends never ends now all those type of stories not before i went to prison you guys know that yeah before i got locked up i probably went to three anthony robbins seminars before yeah they did they just put me in jail that's it they just made my fucking crime game stronger yeah anthony robbins like motivated me to steal more i'm like wait a second yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah oh man that's good it was like your eyeball saw it and then it registered in your mind and set off a certain trigger i don't know what trigger he set off that could stop snorting coke anthony robbins pushed me over the side that's i walked down one of those calls i couldn't stop snorting coke yeah one fuck you motivated me to

snort more coke you motivated me to kidnap a motherfucker i manifested it and i became a kid napper it's terrible robbins so i don't talk with anthony robbins no more i wouldn't talk to him if you pay me yeah yeah yeah fucking sexual accuser i was gonna say he might be going to jail yeah he's going to jail too is he something happened he got like four or five people accusing him right now yeah yeah what the fuck yeah these guys are fucking disgusting i was just watching this thing on uh on instagram it's one of those late night wormholes that you get in when you just start feeding going through the feed and it was this guy that bought his private jet from uh god the guy that uh the guy that has the studio uh fuck me harvey doesn't know the one that does all the uh

god the what this is bad pod right now the one that does the uh he's what the fuck is his name he does the uh mad what is the name the the black actor he plays the he does the gray wig and uh he the medea the medea the medea the what's the name of that that tyler pair tyler pair fuck me i'm sorry can we cut all that please no he's in trouble no he's not he he he just sold his plane the thing is he just sold his plane but the guy that bought the plane is one of those advanced evangelists who asked for money i get money from everybody and this news report it went up to it was like hey weird you bought tyler perry's private jet uh how does that feed the poor i mean like how does all your money that you said that you need to help feed the poor

how does that justify this private jet you just bought from tyler perry and it's just like these guys are just such fucking creeps you know what i mean it's like when you hear a story it's like anthin robbins you know four or five planes it's like yeah yeah you hear someone like you know because you see anthin robbins and he's motivating people and blah blah and then you hear this shit and you're just like everything he talked about just went to shit what the shit yeah and then and it's just like this evangelist it's just like you know you here you are you're you're manipulating people that are you know that are in need and you know they're desperate and they're they're on their last you know whatever it is and they give you their their dollar or whatever it is that you asked for

then you go buy a fucking jet from tyler perry it's like fuck you man are you religious anymore i'm i mean it's i am when the when the holiday comes you know what i mean did you raise your son religious my my son yeah he goes to a catholic school but i think it's because my mom's full appeal and it was in me and it's like that's that's right and it's just i mean you don't listen i'm a catholic in my heart but if you think i'm gonna get up on a sunday and go sit with those hypocrites no you're out of your fucking mind no i'm not gonna go sit in the first three rows all those guys are cheating on their watch yeah oh they're fucking some little 12 year old or they do something that ain't fucking right and you know i feel like the people who sit closer to the priest

yeah they're the biggest fucking scumbag the closer you are people who sit in the first five pews of fucking scumbags they're the ones that crazy go through life and they and they wear the suit and they lie when i go to church now if i go to yo that joey i'm sorry to interrupt you that's that's fucking genius thought you're so right the closest fuck man i've been saying this forever man it's the people that that that put themselves closer to goodness are the ones that are hiding shit i call those fuckers magicians you know they're like modern day magicians you know it's like i'm so evil but here's a smoke cloud you know what i mean and divert the attention to someone else that's doing some wrong shit you know what i mean like i'm not bad look this guy's bad

you know there's those people that sit on the soapbox and and preach about how bad people are and they go around and they take money and they take the community and they do the whole thing and they invite the father over for dinner yeah and why i'm saying this is because in 87 i sold cars and this guy came in once was a insurance guy and we started talking and when he came in he was 40 i was 25 he was at a chick that was my age and then looking like convertible christlers i mean the christ the convertible was big yeah and then i became friends with the guy i would call him up on one day he goes you know i know your father-in-law from sacred heart church and i went to church that sunday and who's in the first fucking pew that one right there shaking everybody's

hand next to his fat overgrown fucking wife that's 400 pounds and they're just shaking and hugging people i'm like this motherfucker just being so funny and i told my father i threw him under the bus and my following was that guy's been a piece of shit for 30 years you don't have to tell me nothing he goes i can't stand that he sits in the first fucking row that's so true and i that's when i put that's when i put that but filipino's cubans you know our country is a mixture of everybody everybody has gotten laid in our country and left their seat yeah the africans the chinese that's so true that there's so many different you know you go to you go to asia you will find a gonzalez and that's the truth that's the truth you'll find as Santos wasn't tony gonzalez filipino

yeah i have a gonzalez in my family i have a delafuente in asanto and i know ideas but spelled with an e yeah in in filipino met him years ago he still talks to me on facebook and he comes to the shows isn't that crazy it's a fucking crazy place but the catholicism level like everyone saying one's uncle was a priest you know he has another uncle that went to church every day the people that have mercies godparents they're church people yeah they don't miss church they drink till four in the morning they play dominoes and eat lumpia yeah and the whole fucking thing oh yeah everybody's ready majeon majeon the carne the the fucking really good beef yeah asado asada yeah that fuck beef topper beef topper they should put you i don't fuck with the pigeon

it scares me a little bit i don't think we eat pigeon joey yes they do filipinos eat pigeons you always got magicians outside the house fucking with sticks we got fucking we want our pigeons back you got a magician protest you got a filipino's i just see magicians out there hilarious we want our lumpia back you can't eat all you tense it remember last year when they made that movie clown yeah about two weeks later this is not a joke it was in the paper they had a parade a thing where a bunch of clowns went down to the protest that movie because they were losing work for the summer remember it came out like an April you're talking about it yes so that movie came out people were canceling clowns left and right so clowns said that's it enough and they went down

the clown was Dangerfield the clown was Dangerfield 2000 clowns went downtown with Suitsa saying take the movie out we're losing summer work and shit because the movie came out and fucked up all the people were canceling clowns that's funny like fucking get a lad yeah get a lad get a power ranger yeah go get a fucking lad get a power ranger oh my god oh my god some of the shit people do is your kid is your your daughter into uh like for the birthdays hiring like a power ranger or a spider man no because my son was never into that no never no embarrasses it man it tries i went to a birthday party with my son and they had a spider man with like regular nikes on and my son was just that's when i knew my son was cool he was like does spider man have nikes on but all the other

kids were just buying into it oh fucking spider man my son was like the spider man nikes on there's always one motherfucking kid there's like you don't know i don't know about the saddle yeah yeah my daughter's not big on saddle my son either she's like hi how you doing you want to sit on my lap fuck you i'm really i'm not in the fucking mood to sell you i saw you first row at the church the other day i know what kind of Santa you know that's right it's crazy i love that analogy that you said that because now that i think about it my heart no i'm talking about the the the seating broke my heart in the in the in the in the church in the church because literally i'm i'm the one that sits in the back i broke my i sit right in the back because i'm a sinner yeah i'm a sinner it's never

going to change i sit in the last few when i go to church those twice a year i get up on sunday early seven thirty mass i do a couple long hits and i go to sit in the back and look at the glass yeah the glass the 12 steps i love all that shit i was raising that shit but all the politics of the church and talking and all that i don't want to be involved yeah i don't want to be fucking no and i like i still remember the pre i made my confirmation i was 30 years old oh when i got divorced i was like i got the devil in me so here i am sitting with 12 year olds at a confirmation class every thursday afternoons and shit i'm 27 years old can you shoot all of your stories high as a kite could you shoot your stories with 12 year olds learning about fucking jesus this is

fucking great no i believe i believe in it 150 percent i believe that there's a god yeah i don't know if jesus came down here fought the jews hand to hand combat yeah i think it's a little stressed out yeah but yeah you know what i was always thinking joey is uh before the internet before all this shit right like i feel like like jesus this is me just tripping one day i feel like jesus was like imagine if david blaine was back then imagine david blaine back then during the when jesus around maybe that's who that was because right now you see david blaine you're like all right cool the internet you know we we know that that's tricks we we can go to like how did he do that dot com and it'll show us but imagine back then when there was no internet do they have a how they do that

dot com i'm just saying like they they got that one that one magic show where they were like giving off the the how they did it magicians they were yeah they were fucking them fox came yeah you remember that yeah the unmasked magician was giving off all their secrets and shit but like imagine before all that when you know you were david blaine and you were showing people all this this trickery like wouldn't you be like a prophet you know what i mean i mean how old is magic it's older than it's probably older than earth you know what i mean like if you really think about it you know it's in the bible sorcery wizards and blah blah blah maybe that was what david blaine was maybe he was just a really good he was a good guy doing some jesus christ stuff do i sound stupid right

now no you have to look at it from all different you got to look at it that way because you're if you look at it like like us today and i'm yeah no david blaine would not be a prophet but imagine him doing that shit back then minds would be fucking blown it wouldn't even have to be that good you know how they say walk on water have you seen david blaine stand on a fucking telephone pole 300 feet for four days without sleep like imagine doing that back then you know not knowing any i don't know i'm just tripping no it's the truth i can't even you know it's funny i started doing comedy in Wyoming i started in denver so wow you were eastern washington when you when you no i started in denver so when you start over when i first got on stage was the comedy world

wow and then i started getting a few gigs like a 93 and i would go to like wyoming nebraska that was my turf yeah uh no new mexico arizona but like one niners but i remember being a summit part of wyoming yeah and triple had a magician and they were like like they were tripping like they were tripping yeah people were tripping like on the verge of worship the guy was creepy you can see that he had he had kids in the trunk something wasn't right with this guy he had a leave of the hurry yeah and i'll never forget that i'll never forget that night i was like man those people in wyoming that night they really couldn't handle a magician like they didn't laugh they didn't clap they were like it's like throwing a hypnotist in there and then one night i'm in a comedy club

and you've ever been in a comedy club you're about to go up yeah and there's like two or three away from you and you're just focusing on your jokes but you're listening yeah you can hear what the comic is saying jerry rocha i said a joke about being in texas arcana and the magician went up and some guy in the audience kept saying take him off it's voodoo he ripped the paper in half that satan's son he knows that the people went and i asked him i thought it was not a true story i was dying yeah because i've actually seen people react to that yeah like in small communities like they didn't know what the fuck was going on yeah and i asked me was joey you should have been there the guy not only complained during the whole show he called the cops

she really yeah the guy in here is a satan lover he's doing magic tricks only people believe in satan do that type the guy called the cops on the magician that's so funny 911 do you what i think satan's on stage right now what comic magicians do you remember the eye open for you know my sister used to open for a magician that was the funniest shit ever so i'm banned she no she was a solo and that he hired her just to like emcee and introduce the next bit so when he would go backstage and change into his next magic outfit she would sing and then go are you guys ready for more amazing danie or whatever the fuck his name was it was the old hooters you know where hooters is in vegas now that used to be called the

san rimo hotel and they had just a cheesy magic show right i hope he's probably a fanny or so i'm pretty sure he's gonna hear this shit but he had a he she opened for him it was man we would go and laugh man my sister's like please you gotta come watch this people are fucking amazed by some of this shit and it's fucking awful magic and it was it was awful magic she had there was one bit where she had to like shove a child you know it was the child that has the black tongue looks like a big lion like a dog lion right he would make a child appear and she was the one that was shoving it through the curtain and then and then the crowd would go oh my god that's fucking amazing and i'm just sitting there watching this shit like are you fucking kidding me right now but that was

that was literally a vegas show i think it was like an afternoon show like five o'clock she would do the show people can't get tickets for wane newt no no they couldn't get sick in your life wane newt and sold out god damn it i came home i can't wait to see his rendition i'll go i did it my way i love seeing people who don't like we i went to a christmas party once and steeves moan and joy were there and they ran out of the room i'm catholic i'm a magician oh you're done no i don't want to see magicians they freak you out make me nervous i'm a cat he was doing card tricks my coke disappeared i don't want to make my coke disappear yeah yeah don't do that don't do that there's only one way to do that there's only one way to do that they fuck i don't know something about

magicians clowns they just i don't know yeah ventriloquist get creepy sometimes oh yeah yeah ventriloquist freak me out they're great but they get creepy sometimes yeah i have a couple friends who became ventriloquist from comedy like yeah sell tickets to comics they became ventriloquist they fucking sell shit out yeah they sell shit out on the saturday night and the fucking you know in like off route 52 in boston oh yeah what was the name of that town because that used to be a comedy club uh-huh but saturday night late he had that santos guy and that guy he was R rated uh-huh he's a hypnotist R rated hypnotist and he sells them out jack really and he's a nice guy he's a nice guy i've met him a couple times always been very nice i would open

for him because there's a feature act you would feature for the headliner he had three rooms yeah club 56 52 i don't know where this is this is in boston 15 years ago wow this guy's dead and buried what's his name ron ron something salma ron deluca ron something like yeah a comic he had said you're never gonna get into nicks or the other place to the big bill boomer right comic connection the comedy connection yeah but this guy loves LA comics so he brought me out with stanhope nice so he would get me out with stanhope and i would do you did like seven shows in two days as a feature jesus you know in a hundred a show yeah man and he would give like a 200 dollar bonus you could eat lobster dude he had lobster that clam chad or whatever you want he was

selling out like that he had it was it it's where j lennon's from yeah what's the name of that town newton low low low okay so he had like this built in next next to it is a port of rican town lot of spanish people yeah next to it so he worked off that it was a bad neighborhood yeah he had a he was where jalen jlennon was from four blocks away like an across the fucking road and you went three blocks he took me over there and showed me his house so that's it was in jlennon's home town he worked where he where he lived and he was pulling numbers like that he had club 52 or 56 listen to what he did oh wait he owned it he owned it so what he was doing was what's the name he's from and and over and over and over okay club 56 was an and over mass so they had a rule if

he worked for him you couldn't work for bill bill laid down the law but when you're a feature bill wasn't going to work unless a headline of bright to the comedy connection anyway yeah in those days they weren't really hiring features why would they bring a feature and they got boston's yeah 39 000 features exactly but this guy brought features in because of that reason yeah so he would do seven o'clock in the run room was teen and tony's wedding i mean he did he went all out wow and the big room was the comedy would be you know stanhope or rogan or gabriel or you and then you would do two shows in that room so friday you would do wasta at the akku akku a chinese restaurant always puke they would drink those fucking scorpion balls wait a minute i know what you're

talking about we all did it at one time are you talking about the i know exactly what you're talking about and then you look on the tables and they had the the lava flows the lava flows and people would always puke there so two shows there was always a fist fight are you serious that was it always that was friday nights and then saturday you had lined most comics got hit most names got hit and they're like we're not we're not doing wasta we're just flying yeah i mean with chris titus said i don't do wasta yeah i only do handover friday and saturday i can't take wasta a lot of guys are scared yeah so he would headline he would have wasta friday his club friday and saturday so the whole weekend the guy would do close to 10 shows jesus so one main headliner teen and

toni's wedding a second main room show and a local show and then uh midnight was frank santos or 11 o'clock was frank santos yeah they have a few of those in massachusetts the chinese with the upstairs comedy it's great that friday friday friday san francisco does the thing for jewish people they hire for christmas oh and when they leave it up a jewish comic oh that's funny it's a comedy show for jews or the chinese restaurant oh i love it i'd go to that when you first moved to vegas yeah he was at the start 1989 you know it's crazy that that's so funny that i'm talking to you right now because uh steve charipa used to book uh the rib the rib bro the comedy club i think it was called right that was like sammy shore's room right he'd always go up there and uh and i would watch

shimmel i would watch slayton i would watch uh i would watch everybody and mind you i just came from you know i'm still like 18 you know what i mean so i wanted to be a comic so i kept calling he was the only booker that would answer the phone like i would call every comedy club there was a catcher rising star at the mgm but i think it was the ball it's ballies now but it used to be called the mgm and then there was a there was just other comedy clubs everywhere like harris i think had the improv i can't remember but i would call i would just always call you know and then uh but he was the only one that would answer the phone the river area comedy club and literally like every other week i would change my name and go hey i'm a local comic you know i'd like to do warm-up like five

minutes if i could like mc you know i'd love to do it blah blah blah he's already got somebody kid all right thank you all right but he'd hang up man finally after like maybe the six month after i've changed my name like a thousand times he was like hey look kid all right you're not going to get in here calling me every week you need to go to la you need to work on your craft and then you're going to get an agent and then they're going to book you here all right that's all i'm going to tell you that's how you're he was really nice i was like all right thank you he's like all right i'll see you in the future and he hung up and that was the last time i talked to steve sherpa but that but thank god he did that because i was gonna i literally was going to keep calling him until he

booked me and then finally he was just like that's not how you do it kid who was in your circle in vegas nobody that i mean do you remember sam trippley of course no but see this is before that trippley was like there was a uh a coffee house called buzzy's cafe and it was a coffee house right by unov and it was like i can't remember all the guys it was rich sam uh sam and a couple other people that were local comics that were that had been there for a while stanhope was already like our god you know i mean no well yeah he was kind of like he already had like he didn't have tv cred but he he was already kind of like doing his shit he was already like a name like if stanhope was gonna go up that night we were all kind of like yo stanhope's coming you know i mean you know it is we're

all starting and uh but i didn't get to meet them until later on i was kind of like doing like these i i did this thing called star mania which was a competition that my sister was in that she was singing and so i started doing this uh you know i did the stand up there and i it was uh where you were going to like these local bars and do these talent shows and they had like a comedy night you know they had the comedy portion i i did that i did the uh the the biggest fool competition at the tropicana do you remember the tropicana had a comedy club there was i forget the name it's gone now it's the lap factory now the desert and i used to do spots oh my god the desert oh my god are you kidding me i got booked one night to work with a towel

and somebody else was a great weekend what year was that 98 yeah i had to get a tuxedo i had to go down to uh Santa Monica boulevard there's a new and used store a secondhand store on i think gardener yeah in the corner and i went in there there was a perfect tuxedo yeah and i fucking got in there and atel and the other guy had canceled arty lang arty lang it was tim allen yeah and mike and jim vinnie favorito that's what i was working with now that's crazy that's the first time i ever met tim allen he was fucking gracious it was a great weekend that's amazing but i remember all those little going out there nobody would hire me i still remember doing an open mic at the plaza yes the plaza bro being scared you should be people don't really know now either they don't

really know that old downtown 98 was scary dog yeah man i i did a couple shows down down there but see this is before the big dome over old las vegas you know now they have this big little dog yeah you can zip line now it wasn't like that back then man it was you know it was it was a pretty scary area north las vegas the plaza and the Fitzgerald i didn't know how i i remember doing a gig when i did the thing for netflix and we went outside where we stay for netflix golden nugget i remember staying at the golden nugget that's where we shot we shot close to that what did you do that i'll never forget it had to be 97 the canyon club yeah had a club and it was like the hard rock in downtown and the guy called me lance yeah great guy and he goes hey man i don't

know if it's gonna work how about i give you a plane ticket a couple hundred just bring out a friend we'll get your hotel room at the golden nugget and try copy that was really bombing bottles wait this was in the golden nugget this this was at that club yeah okay whatever the canyon club is they had a version of that in vegas out there downtown and he was trying to promote it he had the plasmatics doing 11 o'clock which brought people in yeah he needed something at nine so he wanted to give comedy a break oh my god so for like six weeks we tried to book it he would fly me in every wednesday and i would do that with two other like you know i think i took triply one time it was horrible wow it was horrible he paid you like a flat 300 it was

you know 13 people eight o'clock in vegas people don't know about that old big and i still remember waiting for a ride from him the next morning thinking like i'm gonna have to do something my life like this just isn't working yeah i finally get on the road i'm finally in las vegas and i'm performing for three fucking people oh and then i got into vegas and i got into that club with the swords scaliber catch a rising star mgm no before they went into the mgm or after they left the mgm yeah they went into the hotel that they give you swords it's themed is it Excalibur i think it was the excalibur and it had to be one day through sunday oh tell me if i didn't get stabbed by a sword one time i didn't get stabbed 200 times that's what they gave me the keys to the employee cafeteria

i'm believe i don't think i'm picking up a piece of turkey and the end had like a mark with somebody tasted it put it back you have no i like bro people really don't know i know that food cafeteria by the way disappointments yeah when you're doing comedy you don't tell nobody nope because you don't want your family and friends to say you gotta quit you can't live like that no more eating rotten turkey this is shit that you can't help you know they don't know the grind rogan brought me into that riviera one and i had you guys played the big room with the upstairs yeah because there's two rooms right this is during news radio up at the top yeah so you get when yeah rogan took you to the nice room that's that's where the the headliners play but i don't even know if you could qualify

that as a nice room i know i went back then it was i went off in there that time yeah and then he went up and suddenly made a comment about phil cock phil heartland apartment yeah he went off in there yeah so like the set was kind of weird yeah it wasn't that good but i don't forget sherpa gave me the keys to the employee cafeteria and that weekend was brutal it was friday and saturday at midnight yeah there were midnight shows their x-ray that show yeah yeah you gotta wait till midnight i didn't expect that yeah man to wait till fucking midnight yeah i've never done that before yeah like i've been doing comedy eight years nine years i've never done a midnight show and to wait till midnight i'm like who does this is that crazy but who are you gonna tell and who's gonna say to you well you should

quit you should look for a different job like i was heartbroken after i did the rip i still never gone down there and they too had turkey with stuff and the stuffing was rotten yeah like i remember eating the stuffing just thrown it away and gone i can't win i couldn't borrow money from joe i wasn't that good a friend of them like i felt guilty asking for 20 bucks to eat like it was just how crazy is it that and you know what's crazy is no one knows this reference that you're saying like these kids now don't know that there was a riviera it's gone it's gone and they don't know that the the number one show at that time was splash that was the that was the running show that was at the riviera and then they had another one now what was it was like it was

like before cirque du soleil it was a variety show they had guys riding in a in a metal ball on motorcycles they had go-go dancers they had jugglers it was just like this smorgasbord of entertainment but they called it splash it was the number one vegas show at the time remember they had like a topless review yeah it was called crazy girls crazy girl yep well the riviera was the room at that time the week we did it the week i did it with rogan we did friday night and then saturday before the show we went down to the bar to meet another comic who was in vegas norm mcdonnell not the more mcdonnell norm the first guy the one that invented smidgets oh man or something norm something he's he lives in montana uh-huh he was there so we went down to

meet him and there was a girl that was a fucking 12 the body she was beautiful she was another girl and she clung on to rogan yeah and all of a sudden the security phone said joe rogan pick up security me and joe like yeah go pick up the phone and joe coming back all uncomfortable and he knows i got talking because you know that girl we're talking to she's really a tranny and i go what are you talking about look at her body she knows she's a fucking tranny yeah no idea sat down next to her and we asked her and she goes yeah in fact i got five crazy girls i'm suing the riviera because they fired me because i was transgender so after i got a couple drinks to me i'm like let me ask you a question show me that little fucking back between you like and she's like i can't like

i'll show it to me i've never seen a transgender little pussy before just show it to uncle joey give me a shot and joe rogan we were looking right there she had no panties on she pulled back her skirt she gave us a shot with that little bat and it looked like somebody took a drill bit with the hole yeah whatever it's called i don't know what that thing is called they held it out and they took it out they took the dick off they just cleaned it out and they like sewed a clit onto it wait really and they just put a piece of artificial turf like a little it was like a wig they have them now for pussies little vaginal wigs have you seen those no you could shave your monkey in order of vaginal wig and it has like where do you buy this i have no idea i just saw it on

facebook wait joey this was what year this is 98 this is like before all the good surgery we have now yes so she was like a trendsetter she was fucking badass yeah she was suing the crazy girls and the mbc had given a developmental deal that's when reality was going to start being big and they were going to show her life and she like she could have been lying who the fuck knows but that's the last time yeah i walked into the river yeah once she gave me a shot of that so you don't even know she was telling the truth no but she could have been just showing you a really bad vagina no she was ripped oh it was real she'll rip a sword on the security really broke him he goes before you take it to the room or think she's she's broken the damaged goods like don't don't take it to

the room by mistake she's a man that became a woman beautiful yeah three drinks and a half gram of coke in me she would have looked out i would have tore that little man made pussy apart son you know what i'm saying with a couple coke rocks and a quail at least you could blame it on the quail look yeah i didn't know she was a man that pussy was good yeah she had ice cubes in the mouth whatever the fuck you want to say it was fucking crazy and it looked like oh somebody had opened their mouth and go you know when the commercial and the cartoons and somebody goes ah yeah they see the bell yeah she had one of those bells hanging like just like a little fucking bell that you went up like a gun gun this is a true story that was the last time how long

did you see for how long did she keep her legs open for a minute Jesus just show me the bed she's like i can't what kind of person would i mean you'd be fucking educational yeah i've never seen one show with uncle joey and she just took a man's rug and wow and then i wrote a bit about it like i was like you know she showed me a little bat with wings it was fucking disturbing it was fucking disturbing but hilarious but enough with that shit today that's a great story man you're bringing me back too like what because i'm Vegas was my that that's where it all started for me and to hear like you know the Riviera and you and him shooting the shit at the bar like that it's just like that's old Vegas you know when in old Vegas i think the minute for you whether to change it changed

it literally changed when i left i felt like that was the tail end of it like i left in uh oh my god 2000 so you know once steve win came in 1990 i think it was 1990 he kind of turned Vegas into like a a family town and then they realized that okay this isn't making any money anymore and then they went back to sex drugs and rock and roll Vegas and i think that was right around 2000 so seeing all those monuments go you know steve had a lot to do with that i mean i love steve steve win i'm saying his name like he's my friend but i love what he did for Vegas because i live there and my you know my mom and dad you know lived a good life there because of that but it sucked because those those hotels are gone and that lifestyle is gone that Vegas is gone

that that style of Vegas is gone now what did you do for a living while you i was i did everything man i worked at the you know the balls that were there uh i i the dolphin habitat at the mirage i was a tour guide oh my god i did everything i was at the x caliber that's why when you said you weren't uh when you went downstairs and said that uh the break room the cafeteria i used to eat in that cafeteria i know exactly what you're talking about um yeah i worked at i was awful man but i mean i always knew that i was going to do stand up somehow in that city and even if they weren't going to book me that's why i started you know renting out theaters and selling my own tickets and stuff like that so i rented out a theater on uh charleston and uh

maryland parkway it was called the huntridge theater it was an old movie theater and i would hire comics to come down and do a comedy night there but i knew somehow i was going to do stand up in that town that's why when i finally got the the wind hotel that just passed like two weeks ago i was kind of like when i was on stage i was like you guys don't even understand where it all started for me i was on charleston and maryland parkway and now here i am at the wind so dreams come true it just takes a little bit longer you know you've been in that way since 2000 2000 what made you finally come 2001 i just you know i had a lot of comic friends you know tell me you got to get to la you know you can only do this for so long you can only book these shows that's only that's

that's that's little money is what you're doing now it's not good it's not going to enhance your career you're just getting a little money here in there but if you want your career to take up you need to move to la bobby was one of them bobby lee was the first one to be like get the fuck out of here man what are you doing you need to come to la in fact bobby was living in san diego at the time he goes i'm moving to la wow that's right bobby was living in he was he was like a house regular at the lehoya comedy store that's where i met bobby and then bobby was like you know i brought i flew bobby out to uh to vegas and i did this show at the unlv the student union i rented out this hall and had this comedy night i was going to push this whole asian theme night

you know i mean i had bobby lee and myself and another cat named mark fernandez and uh yeah you remember morn san diego yeah from san diego the nicest sweet heart yeah man where is he i don't know i i need to get back in touch with him man comedy store guy always always really nice always yep very sweet heart yeah man oh my god nice haircut good looking yeah good looking guy great guy sweet heart of a fucking and then bobby had the big afro at the time and he always wore the hawaiian shirt you know this is before mad tv and uh and i flew him out and uh and i remember at the end of that weekend he looked at me he was like you need to move to la like you can't stay here like this is not going to do anything for you man you're gonna he i swear to god he says it to this

day too he goes you're gonna be shoveling tiger shit for the rest of your life and and i shoveling tiger shit for i think i was shoveling tiger shit at that time and uh i was i was doing the tour guy but i mean basically the same thing i'm working in some kind of animal habitat you know and he was right so yeah thank god oh no this is before the tiger shit i was doing something else at that time and uh and bobby was just like you gotta do it you know it's crazy as i was on bobby's tiger belly i was on tiger belly i'm sorry i keep going all over the place joey i don't give a fuck but uh but you know i i told i told bobby i was like yo man i don't know if you know this but you have indirectly motivated me so many times and i don't think you understand it because

you know bobby doesn't take compliments ever he's he's the fucking worst the guy the guy something's wrong with him mentally and i and i go you need to hear this bro because you do motivate people and your words do what you say really does affect people and that i told him about that when he told me that i'll be shoveling tiger shit yeah you were being funny but you know it it hit my heart you know to see you get back on a plane and go to la and chase your dreams and here i am in bay is just trying to try and be a comic you know what i mean like that what you said to me really motivated me and then there was this other time where we were pitching a show in la and we were sitting in this we were sitting in the parking lot at like i

think it was an mtv you know we were pitching a show to mtv whatever it is i don't know what the network was but anyways we're in the in the uh the parking lot and we're going over what we're gonna pitch back and forth right and then he said something to me and i laughed but i i guess what i was i wasn't really listening to what he was saying to me and he got offended by that you know what i mean and then he goes you don't fucking get it he goes you don't fucking get it do you like you fucking wake up man like it's more than this man it's fucking more than this and he got on the car and he slammed the door and i was like wait a minute i thought we were just joking for a second but i didn't know what he was saying was really serious and uh and i remember that was the

day i made this conscious decision to like it's not about and basically what he was saying is like it's not about the road all the time and about the money it's about fucking honing in on your craft and and and showing the people what you have you know what i mean i guess and that's what he said to me in the car he goes it's not about that it's not about the fucking road all the time and and making all making your money it's about honing in on this craft and letting people know that you have this this gift and and show people that that's what this is all about you know the show that we were pitching and he slammed the door on me and he walked off and he was really mad and and i think that was the day i woke up and i was just like whoa i get it now and i literally

did that did wake me up and i and it motivated me and and i i changed my way of looking at at the road and and changed my way at at at trying to put my mark in hollywood and you know what i mean you're still a tremendous road warrior dude i am man i am i am every week every week every week bro i got to and i and i and i and it's it's like i always challenge myself it's like okay like i'll last the improv how many did i do last week 16 all right i mean how many did i do last year 16 all right i want to do 17 this year and i'll do it you know what i mean because it's like i'm always trying to up myself and i'm on weeks to your average a year oh man i mean improv is alone i'm doing two weeks back to back i'll do i'm a couple years ago i went to cobs and you had two weeks

back to back yeah i go does he go home or does he stay up here for three days he probably goes home and sees his kid yeah i'll go home for like three days and then come back why were you doing that instead of doing the theater at the time money cobs money man the cops would pay you more well it pays more it just does it's not even cobs anymore at that point it's me i take over the room and and you just get more money that way it's just it's exhausting you know what i mean but but that's also what what i was getting at with uh with bobby he's like what are you doing like you know what i mean like take take the take the theater gig and then concentrate on this you know what i mean audition you know go man and that that's why i was able to like this special that my my first

special the the live from seattle with netflix i i i produced the whole thing and it was because of bobby yelling at me like that you know what i mean i'm not saying he's the one that told me to to produce the netflix special but it was it was words like that that was in the parking lot that i was like yeah he's fucking right man like if if it's not gonna happen then i gotta make it happen and and that's what happened with that first special like they said no to me netflix said no to me and uh and i went and shot it myself and sold it to him so and i don't think it's a good special the one from seattle thank you man made me laugh they said no to me joey they said no to me like three times and i shot it myself and it was so crazy because when i was performing that night in my

head i was saying to myself fuck man the only person i want to sell this to is netflix and they already said no and i had so much money invested in that that special and it's just my life was in that special man and i and i only wanted it on netflix i didn't want it anywhere else so i got it i i was able to sell it you know what i mean so it was i told bobby that when i was on his last when i went on tiger ball i was like yo dude you're the reason why man i just want you to hear that like your words cut deep and it motivated me sometimes people gotta hear that you did two shows for comedy central i did too i did uh don't make them angry and i did uh lights out and i and i still feel like lights out was like like my best really i i fucking man that was my life right there

than live from seattle live from seattle i was hungry man i love life from seattle don't get me wrong but i feel like lights out was just like this turning point in my career and my son was just going to uh uh uh elementary school it was his his first his kindergarten and it was just like the things i was talking about was just so raw and real and i was just like i love that special i really do it kind of hurt me that they shelved it they never really aired it on comedy central because i really loved it but but live from seattle like man yeah yeah i'm gonna take it and prepare for life for seattle it was so crazy because um it was so crazy because i already had an hour ready after uh lights out but they never came back with an offer so i had to retire all

that shit you know what i mean because my son was too old by that time if i would have if i would have done that on live from seattle it wouldn't have made any sense because it's like my son that was five years ago it was i think it was five years in between uh uh lights out and live from seattle so it's like i went through like three routines by then and then uh and then when like when when netflix turned me down i was like okay i can't keep passing up on these hours you know what i mean i was like i gotta get this one this one i need to fucking make a special so if they don't buy it i'll put it on youtube or some shit but i need this special now so yeah i you see five years worth of work right there in live from seattle i remember going to cob and seeing those two weeks

and thinking to myself everybody's focused on lucy k and amy schumer and they've kept high up jocor and here he is creeping while you're sleeping because nobody's doing two weeks yeah cops you know they either go to a theater and do it but nobody that's a lot of tickets two weeks the fuck man that's crazy that's 450 it holds yeah it's 450 yeah fucking six shows and a lot of fucking bodies yeah man i was doing 16 16 i was doing six no i was doing 16 i was doing eight a week yeah that's what's going on right now over at urvine i'm doing 16 total for two weeks two weeks total yeah i saw something that's five that's almost 600 yeah braya too you're doing like 92 shows and you enjoy Ontario instead of doing one big show on a fucking arena the what do you feel i think

i think what it is is i'm so addicted to the interaction and the improv like ad-libbing and i feel when i do the theaters i uh i i stay in in my little pocket and do my set more instead of really like you know i mean like being loose i guess and when i'm at the improv i really just like i don't know what it is man it's just i'm not trying to do a routine man i'm literally just having fun you know i'm just now during the week you don't go out the clubs no why not i think i'm exhausted you know i'm exhausted and they ask me you do everything you do on the road yeah if you're not on the road you don't do it yeah but i mean i you gotta remember i'm doing 60 like ontario i just i did ontario 16 shows man after you get off stage on sunday don't you feel

rusty on wednesday uh no i'm ready to go i'm gonna say i'm in a situation right now 56 years old yeah i got a six year old yeah my wife i enjoyed doing this podcast yeah in my heart i wish i'd go out three weeks a month but i can't do it it just wears me out yeah it's too much two weeks is good enough for me you know two four weeks two theaters whatever the fuck yeah look at last week i got canceled saturday atlanta shut down couldn't get in and out of fucking atlanta what happened i got stuck in new aulings i finally got the 722 flight don't get you into atlanta and it's stayed an half hour on the runway in new aulings and another 45 minutes in atlanta and then i get to atlanta they lost my luggage so we had to cancel the tabernacle and it broke my you know it

just breaks my fucking heart you know like that you have to cancel people drove five hours yeah they did all this and that's why i don't like theaters yeah i like going somewhere on Thursday through friday saturday yeah i like starting a joke on friday and seeing where it ends up on saturday but the agents talking out of the theaters out of the clubs they say you can make more money on a single night and for a guy like me it makes sense because of my daughter yeah i get to spend more time at home i get to go to our things at three o'clock yeah i get to do those things yeah so i'm gonna fucking pickle right now yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna life pickle you follow me yeah i 100% the podcast is the catalyst yeah this keeps everybody in fucking business this is what's

feeding everybody so this needs to be done yeah i cannot do it with a gun to my head you can't go over flight leaves at four i gotta come with you at one i gotta rush you not even let you relax and then do a podcast and do the podcast knowing i gotta get on a fucking plane yeah i can't do that no more yeah i used to do that do shoot a movie then run to the comedy store and guess what you fucked up both of them yeah because the whole time you're shooting a movie you're thinking about your stupid set and you did 90 on lesyaniga so now you think the cops are chasing you when you get on fucking stage you're like when are they gonna get to the you're not focused yeah you're not you know so for me number two i don't think my act is where it should be i gotta be honest yeah that's where

the improv comes in though if you're not honest with yourself yeah you never i don't think my act is where i could charge you that amount of money for those things yeah you wouldn't feel right on the theater i wouldn't feel right yeah i won't feel fucking right so right now i'm in a situation where this year was just to go to a couple theaters see how it works for me this cancellation atlanta did not go well with me you know why because i'm a first flight out in the morning guy that first flight is never delayed yeah but i can't fly into atlanta nine in the morning because they won't let you check into your hotel so you're gonna sit in the lobby where you're dicking your fucking hand yeah go to a museum i got time to go to a fucking museum so this is

the dilemma i'm in this year so i gotta make a decision for next year i love going to the tamper improv yeah i love going to i don't even have so many great dude weekends you just you just made my eyes twitch when you said tamper i love canza city love you know you go to these man how about the Omaha funny bone oh my god that lady is fucking Colleen Colleen you know you go to these places they you're home but then somebody comes to you and says what if i could knock five thousand off that you get less money but it's only one night and you're like i could live with that yeah i'd rather fly in thursday get a good steak and then do friday more you get a friday if you got radio you do it if you sold out you still do it yeah those people were there for you when you weren't

selling tickets yes Joey people were there for you when you were selling tickets so the weekend sold out go down there so take it two hours to go down and talk you smoke on the way back you stop at CVS and get some powder for your nuts yeah yeah always forget that don't do talcum no don't yeah yeah don't do talcum my ovaries get off i didn't buy powder unless it said talcum talcum my dad said talcum and i can't see women talcum powder was this shit yeah when i was growing up in the 80s a woman who didn't put talcum powder on that monkey she was slipping jack yep it kept it like a turkey it kept it dry on the outside but nice and juicy in the inside there you go you gotta pay attention but now women are dying think about the turkey comment

yeah now women are dying right or wrong when you take saram rep on thanksgiving you put outside the turkey right keeps the turkey fucking no no no i it's it makes sense i just never thought of a monkey like a turkey you gotta look at things from different perspective from time to time what made you shoot this masterpiece that's coming out i hawaii fucking hawaii i know has anybody ever shot a special hawaii i i don't know who i don't think so i think elvis was the last one to shoot a special holy shit angela johnson oh angela johnson yeah she shot hers a gabriel a few years ago oh that's right gabriel yeah no shit yeah how big was that arena this one i sold four arenas out yeah i'm gonna take this for arena man i think we sold close to 24 000

tickets jesus christ it was crazy i didn't know there were 24 000 people on hawaii that's what they said they're like brahda we didn't even know brah joke melasha they gave you like a hawaiian day they yeah they gave my own day they got rid of fucking kentpo they said fuck kentpo day kentpo ain't doing this motherfucker bro people from all over the south pacific yeah there's fishermen some moans is going up you know manians fuck romanians whatever they got go go manians oh my god they had everybody there when joe melasha was telling me this shit was your manager so you yeah he's great with all my heart he uh he was like joey you just wouldn't fucking believe it it's crazy they came from all fucking over how do you feel now i wanted to cry that night

that night was overwhelming you were gonna play on sunday and say to yourself what the fuck i do every sunday i get on the plane i put my earphones on like oh what the fuck what the fuck i and it's hard to even explain it to anybody right joey you ever have a meeting with like the people your team like your team your agency your managers your publicists and then you just sit there while you're eating you're like oh should i pay all these people you know it's crazy it's even crazy to put your finger on that because it's not it's not you know i it's not even it's not even easy to explain to somebody else you know what i mean that this is my my payroll i'm responsible for this right here if i fuck up and i'm not funny that they're gone it's over with and it's hard to

explain that to someone like my mother or or or my mom that that's not in this business and and realize that that's that's my reality you know and on top of that i still have to take care of my mother and my son and my sister and everybody else are you married no i'm not you have babies mama but yeah and i take care of her you know relationship oh it's amazing it's fucking me i moved her right next to me every time she says something just throw a yardstick dude it's not allowable shut up she's a she's half Filipino half white like me and i move her right next to my house literally my son can go he can walk to his mom's house in less than four minutes and i told her that i was like no matter how successful i get you i

will take care of you don't have to go get a lawyer you don't have to do anything i the more successful i get you will be compensated i will take care of you don't worry about it i'm not gonna let my son live that life you know where he's oh dad's got all this and then he goes back to mom's house like i'm not gonna do that like it we're gonna be you're a great mom you're taking care of my son you have such an ideal i'm very fortunate i always say that somebody took care of me at that yeah whenever i leave the house i go god whatever took care of me they care my daughter the same way yeah teach me how to make a right instead of making a left you know saying like i always am very thankful when you and i came from a very thankful career we worked hard we hustled

our own tickets yeah i totally i used to do in boulder because your vagus was my boulder bro and i used to go to a chinese restaurant in boulder little guy five foot two his name was ron oh he cared about with money i want money i want money you make money you we do business we do comedy so i did the comedy show one night he saw more he sold more about my guys than he ever sold in his life yeah so he would call me every day when we do comedy again when we do comedy again wow and i go i'll go down there so he found out he would say to me can i talk to you how much for richard prior you got that's a lot of money you gotta give me like this is a real conversation oh yeah here we go how much for bill cosmic and i would go ten thousand give me five hundred now let me call his manager

let me go get five hundred he give me five hundred his his nights off on monday i would get any black guy could bump into i take him to the chinese restaurant i go where's ron ron not here telling my brother bill that bill godby oh my god all the chinese people would hug him stop it he was bill cosmic and then i go in there on tuesday go ron what the fuck were you last night bill cosby came in i missed him you do that to me and then he would go how about eddie murphy give me five hundred i'll bring eddie murphy stop it monday night i'd show up with eddie murphy some black kid that looked like eddie murphy and i go in there tuesday get another nickel this one on for years every i mean how about it fluffy tomorrow i'll have him here this friday we sell three hundred

tickets i make special and then monday i'd show up again one of his days off and then one day actually showed up with something like that's he wanted the guy from monday night football rich the guy that fucked up monday night football what his brother owns the cap city really nice rich miller remember oh denis miller denis miller had monday night football oh my god he did one night he came to me goes i want denis miller he funny guy i'll get him here next week i showed up on a monday with some white guy he was there that night that's not denis miller you fuck you fuck it i want my money back for bill cosby i want my money back for eddie murphy oh i had lennie bruce in there oh just mother's brothers yeah anybody he wanted i would bring them the easy acts

with the black ones because i you know in chinese people's eyes all blacks look the same right i'm surprised he just needs the same black guy every time oh my god you cannot believe this went on he had a beautiful chinese restaurant across from my hot dog place called mustards last day mustards last day delicious hot dogs and jalapenos yeah i go style with pickles and where's this at boulder color oh my god this is a real story it's a real fucking story right i don't want to leave here joey go that fucker fell for it oh my god i'll have your slice this is really eddie would pay you for this five thousand for him jesus every week to do coke let me run who do you want this week i don't want to bitch your pride he funny guy he let himself on fire

he's half chinese i'll be i'll be in two weeks i'm here tonight show up on a monday i told you friday monday nobody comes to restaurant we can only do tell me on monday she paid ten thousand that's a monday night you won't friday night that cost you a hundred thousand oh my god and i'm waiting for him to give me an envelope we only sent 160 people he never fucking questioned me didn't give a shit we'll make our money back in food and i had another brother who was working in my neon because he loved neon yeah chinese people love neon so he wanted wonton soup neon what do you mean neon neon that you press like the open sign open sign so my buddy who's the one who put me on though because he was working for years he wanted to open in chinese he would fuck

up the letters and come back and hit him up for another deposit it was crazy we were mugging ron daily oh my god we fucking no wonder he needed so much money yeah please we used to and he did doubling soup in neon well he did great fucking business there everything was in neon doubling soup he wanted everything in neon he was so fucking crazy open now happy hour buffet bar he wanted everything like he wanted a light over his bar was called like i don't know confucius something he really did there's nothing there now he's gone i have not been there in 15 years to see what's i've been to bold but not on that side it's towards the college right up the bottom from the university so i think it's it's a wrap a whole whole foods it was like a

little he has like a new restaurant with like a wall of fame of just black people but it's like he says oh that's Bill Cosby that's Richard Pryor i am like i was saying you have the perfect career like the way you came up you did you you did your apprenticeship in vegas you rented out your own fucking rooms you sold tickets then you came to LA you got you went to the laugh factory yeah man that factory guy i used to hand out cards out for all day every set you know man i would hand out cards left around you know it's crazy joey's i was doing a show and the girl's name is bindi she dms me all the time but uh she came to a show and she's one of those people that kept my card that i handed out uh outside of the laugh factory along with like a dvd that i made

that i burnt myself in my room in my living room and she still had that copy and i was like what the fuck you still held on to that so she had so it's cool to actually see that that it's still to this day it it's still making its mark for me that i might hustle my drive you know what i mean i was handing that shit out and you and you're serving an apprenticeship with carlo you served you opened for a couple people bro that was crazy that was crazy yeah those were big crowds yeah you learned a lot a lot but you were ready you went to ten year mark you can handle those theater crowds and those audiences and how was that it was like the same apprenticeship by them the joe rogan yeah it was crazy apprenticeship you know eight shows sold out fear factor people

everywhere and you're like the fucking feature act yeah with your eyes wide open and and they're just and he's handing it to you that's the beautiful thing that joe did for you like here you know and that's that's something you got to learn how to accept like you know appreciate that he's handing that to you and you take advantage of it you're not taking advantage of it but it's he's giving you an opportunity to shine and you and you shine right like this is his weeks you're like what you don't even know what's going on yeah you go i understand what i have to do now yeah you understand your job you know yeah i find myself what i do on the road 60 percent of the times is what i learned with joe that i wouldn't do when i was with him like when he would call me

and say let's go to the gym but i'm gonna jump by yourself yeah i'm on vacation yeah you know work out when you retarded meanwhile i'm 400 pounds smoking cigarettes in a fucking room that's crazy and he's down there lifting weights and you're like why would he lift weights on the road who does this that's who works out on the road you go on the road to fucking go to orgy's and fucking eat chinese yeah that's what i did and then you like oh shit now you understand yourself yeah you know we were talking about before the podcast you want to smoke pot you know people come up to you and give you a hug and after the hug they tell you my kids just got out of the hospital they all had the pneumonia for a week and you're like thanks for hugging me yeah i got a meeting

with abc on wednesday i guess i'm not making that fucking me because you want to fucking hug me and breathe on my neck and tell me what about the people at armpit odor you ever have an armpit you take a show i love people i love humans i love taking pictures of people but i had to stop taking pictures of people in between the first and second yeah because i would get armpit on my neck and then you got to go on stage with an armpit like you try to wash it off with that how about wet hand oh man that's why don't bother me wet hand bothers me bad i boil my hands after when i put it as hot as i can and i leave my hands under there i put the germ stuff like two minutes on after i just boil my fucking hand in between the crevices because flu germs develop what about

your kid when he was four or five and you tapes every time i shake my daughter's hands my whole central nervous system collapses just collapsed because i know she's got every form of fucking influenza oh fucking everything every time she today she went to that park and came in and tried to hug me i saw you on that monkey bar yeah that's got more fucking germs on it for the men's fucking latrine at port authority you filthy little fuck i smell my daughter's hair after school it's like when you've been lighting fires did you hear what happened all right sure no what happened tokyo downfall he tried to arson it why do japanese people try to commit arson this is the third japanese person what the last five

years i tried to burn down me and raffi walked into a restaurant once we saw that every day helen was in the hot yeah she had to be 50 banging yeah she would come over to the table and talk to us was all you could eat sushi i'd bring raffi in there and they were all fucking yeah hold their heads and shit we were like we're at 22 or you could eat for lunch we would kill him yeah just on the abacore just on the abacore yeah yeah yeah the one i'll linkish him over here the crossing the ha ha right it's fucking mediocre sushi but they have uh muscles with cheese on them because of me they only give you four yeah i would go there and say fuck if you want spider roll fuck you no no that fills you up spider roll fills you up i want eight fucking muscles

and they got sick of bringing me muscles they stop by anyway make a long story short but they live that place on fire fucking tokyo dowse he got beat up by the guy that owns joe's coffee my my muay thai teacher showed me the video today on the news i didn't see that because the guy didn't pay rent for nine or ten months and then he they kept telling him like he kept fucking with the landlord and shit the smoothie place went down what the smoothie place i told you i just went to that the fucking acai and the sugar done tokyo dowse done joe's cafe where bill burry used to do comedy the guy uh uh fast times at ridgemont high the guy that's the moan yeah owned it first these friends of bill so bill would do comedy there darn burnt holy shit what you got a big

closed Lancashire yesterday what the fuck were you here that's where your job is i lived near Lancashire hey Lancashire was shut yesterday what i did not know this till this morning i got to see this who the fuck burned something down at a sushi place you got no excuse you got nowhere to go i had a fire can i tell you what fire you talking when did you like to fucking match i was just sushi yeah he burnt it down he tried to arson it i'm like on the news there's videos and everything of them chasing the owner and push them i said the guy that shot david fucking on tees he's still in critical condition they broke his legs oh they got him the guy that shot

david tees with the accomplice on the world news tonight they said when we got to the accomplice he couldn't say much those dominicans beat the shit out of him beat the shit out of him joe coy it has been a pleasure oh man you always have family here it's called coming out hot yeah coming out motherfucking hot yeah man in hawaii not since fucking elvis you know when you said elvis you have to look that up do you remember that i used to watch that left and right that special was so good i was the most viewed pay-per-view till 10 years ago something broke the record i just saw it maybe two months ago on tv that they said what it was the hbo documentary i know this part one and part two i gotta watch this when they said uh when he came back when they

realized he was done they said one last thing then he do well he did a live remote from hawaii that was pay-per-view yeah man and it was the biggest you know they showed they showed hawaii and they showed like wires where countries it was fucking amazing everybody got that that yo i love that that that was one of my favorite things to watch when i was a kid my mom loved that special i loved elvis and i loved elvis this movie which would they don't play no more which one they don't play him oh yeah they don't uh i was growing up you always had elvis always had it twice a week elvis week and gigent gigent goes to hawaii gigent gets her ass eaten yeah there's always a gigent movie gigent gets fucked in the ass gigent gigent and fucking whatever were huge

yeah and now they don't show you elvis week they don't pisses the fucker it does something to my heart uh you go one of the hardest working guys thank you to come in this office all the success you have is due to you you're sincere you're a good friend you help a lot of people and you make those fucking it's you and pacquiao baby thank you i love that now that pacquiao is on the way out it's you i'll take it whenever i go to my whenever i go to mercy godparents you know they they have like they have like five different things every year well they just put the mother in for the mention but they're from i forget where she's from they're on the blockbuster yeah and they own a blockbuster mercy's godmother's parents came to this country from the philippines he was a janitor

she was like an office worker they worked hard they bought a fucking franchise when blockbuster they all the whole family kicked in yeah everybody threw in 20 yeah and they all chipped in on a blockbuster and that's how they got their money they sold blockbuster and then once they sold it they got their money they're very interesting people they loved that little girl yeah but one time i went over there and my wife they're like you know joey's a comic everybody in that room you know joe koi oh we love joe koi and this is when i asked my hey you're fucking joe koi and they're like oh i'll forget about it philippines go down there like pacquiao saying fucking karaoke right remember pacquiao saying karaoke oh yeah he sold more tickets in louis ck yeah that mother

fucker who's aligned from here to fucking Omaha nebraska to see him sing karaoke is that real that's real that's real they'll go see him play basketball bro he would fight and do a party afterward the tickets tell him you're you're 100 right and he had and he remember he had the tape over his right eye over his eye have you thought about doing a tour with pacquiao just taking over and carry that motherfucker like he goes out in shadow boxes yeah yeah for like an hour yeah what's his what every time i hit my punchline he just throws like a combo because his wife is the original Beyonce who his wife what's her name like every Filipino knows his wife let's see pacquiao's wife has a name is it mendy wendy what is her name yeah every Filipino knows her name they got a

picture oh my god you go to a cuban's house they got a picture of john f kennedy with a with a bullet hole in it yeah binky binky binky jinky every Filipino woman wants to be like jinky i want to be jinky did you just call her binky i don't know jinky j-i-n-k-e no joey goes binky binky jinky i don't know she has no nickname now she has no nickname oh my god her name is jinky but most middle of kim filipino is called a binky yeah binky your fuck it's jinky it's jinky what the fuck all right let it go but you're the pride of the Filipino people and uh you're a sweetheart of a guy and i wish you nothing but success and i know from watching live at seattle this one's gonna be fucking superb dude thank you so much joey so please tomorrow night fucking watch this whatever

the fuck you download it whatever the fuck you need to do just go to netflix you'll be on the first page tonight at midnight yeah last night at midnight you'll be on the first page hit it watch the special i'm gonna watch it tomorrow because my wife leaves for tennessee so i'm alone i could watch specials i could finish watching the fucking anthony jezz on that like 10 specials on you that i haven't watched but i appreciate you coming here and you've always got a home here joey i love the world this podcast yeah i still do his off and on and then you have yours i got mine the koi pond yeah you do that every week can you do it one time just call i love you joey just have my last call me we'll have miss america yeah yeah put it together yes thank you very much dude you're the best man

thank you joey so this week you're where uh no i'm taking i'm taking time off for this one how much time you got uh i'm taking uh just this week and then uh and i'm at uh thunder valley and uh sandiego thunder valley is crazy man that's like an outdoor venue it's like six thousand or something like that it's crazy i don't know how people stand in the fucking heat to watch comedy it's in the desert man you did 20 years of work they come to see that 20 years thank you man so like i said anytime you want to come on you want me on your podcast yes just call brother it was a pleasure having you thank you love you joey good luck where can they find you uh j o k o y that's everything dot com instagram twitter j o k o y all right i want to thank my man joe koi i want to

thank the christ killer but most importantly i want to thank the sponsors who have up back years around let me talk to you about something wiping your butt with dry toilet paper does not remove all this shit if you got poop on any part of your body would you just wipe it off with dry paper no water cleans better than dry paper my friends thankfully there's now a new sleek bidet attachment that clips onto your existing toilet and sprays your butt completely clean with fresh water it's called tushy and it's the best thing you could do for your little fucking filthy muffler okay tushy sprays fresh water into your asshole to take away all the uti eyes the itchy ass holes the skid marks east infections hemorrhoids that's what tushy does for you what wipes are worse for the

environment than toilet paper they're terrible for the environment and they call fuck they cause fucking anal fishers you don't want that type of fucking anus fishering do you so go to hello tushy.com right now they got bidets starting at fucking 69 dollars and they run with a 60 i take a 90 day back guarantee but let me tell you some lee how long have you had your bad day for years i've had mine for years does your big ass crack it no neither does mine so that just goes to show you it's fucking quality we both got motherfucking bidets i don't know about lee's neck but i know his asshole smells tip top magoo why because he's got the hello tushy bidet right now they got a father's day bundle excludes includes a tushy bidet to upgrade your toilet to a porcelain

fucking throne for a king don't you want that for your father it comes with bamboo bum tiles made of 100 bamboo fibers a tushy travel case go you could take your little tushy fucking anywhere and also you got to ask my butt t-shirt that you know your father's got a sense of humor all these items bundled together i'm gonna give them to you for 125 dollars for that if your dad's not worth 125 dollars you're a sack of shit so do me a favor go to hello tushy.com right now press in church and get 10% off your order do you look forward to pooping get your fucking tushy you're gonna fucking run home to take a shit because when that little water hits your asshole there's no better feeling understand but hey we could talk to your eyes are green go to hello tushy.com right now

go look at the great selection of the days they got starting at 69 dollars you see something you want the dad hook him up all right it's fucking father's day you know go fucking stop being such a fucking cheapskate so go to hello tushy.com right now press in church and get 10% off your order for dad if you're not doing it for yourself do it for dad get him a bidet and get yourself when you've been looking like a stinky ass motherfucker yourself the church is also brought to you by Anit when it comes to supplements this is my company I've been working with them for seven fucking years and I'll tell you what from the protein powder to that old chocolate powder they used to have that tasted cacao whatever the fuck it was to the shroom tech sport the shroom tech

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importantly I want to thank you guys for having my back do not forget this Saturday night I am at the ice house comedy club and then on the 29th and 30th I went to Columbus motherfucking funny bone I'm still waiting for a make-up date for Atlanta I'll keep you guys posted because we're looking for a Saturday so all you guys that drove could still come out to the show you know I appreciate you with all my heart and I'm very sorry about what happened with Delta Delta make good everybody's happy you can't control the weather stay black you bad motherfuckers I'll be at the ice house Saturday night and the Columbus funny bone on the 29th and 30th get your motherfucking tickets that's it I want to thank Joe Coy I want to thank the Christ killer and I want to thank you

motherfuckers for being loyal and for giving us a shot for listening every week stay black have a great week we'll see you Monday morning tip top motherfucking magoo kick this fucking muley you keep me waiting we've got to make a lot that time is right we've got to make a lot tonight hey you make me great and you won't feed me my food but I'll make out easy because I'll be straight to you oh that's not right because you'll get hungry

just when it's right and we'll bring love tonight oh I know you feel the same I know you feel the flame stirring deep inside of you burning you are breaking you down waking you out in the cold sweat and as you lose control of your very soul your desire to survive you'll feel a heat sway your arms are mad away and suddenly you'll know that you're burning out you You pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me

up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up, you pinch me up...