Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #694 - Tommy Chong

Episode Date: June 20, 2019

Tommy Chong, a musician, comedian, actor, and living legend, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio!  This podcast is brought to you by:   Manscaped - Get 20% off your first order and a travel bag if you purchase “The Perfect Package” at manscaped.com and use the code CHURCH   CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies go to CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off. 

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day when you have a legend in your office sweetheart of a guy and a true pioneer love pioneer fun mr. Tommy John Christ killers here the original lines you Lisa what can I say how are you great great to see you look beautiful thank you it's great to be here life has been very kind to you you've been very kind to life yeah yeah it works out that way you know before we even start talking my introduction to you was the same way I was introduced to Richard Pryor as a child so as you were getting closer to come on the emotions start to come up you're a big part of my childhood great you know when I was

growing I was 15 the word on the street was if you don't have Led Zeppelin to at your house like if I walked into your house you invited me in like oh we want to be you want to get high yeah let's pick a record I go through your thing and I don't see Led Zeppelin to I walk out there was one point in life where we walked into your house and you didn't have big bamboo we couldn't hang out with you we couldn't hang out with you we couldn't hang out with you like where's big bamboo my mother didn't give me the money yet listen call me when your mom gives you the money because you ain't that fucking you ain't shit bitch

if you didn't have that big fucking thing you know I started smoking pot maybe 1975 I kept it in the closet yeah I was like a gay guy on I was like a gay guy on on on Beverly Boulevard I wasn't ready for Santa Monica yet and I was like I wasn't letting nobody know I got high and the first time I listened to that guy you know I'm Cuban born sure Catholic raised and then but let's back it up a little bit before I even got high I had a sister I had a I went to Catholic boarding school and the nuns used to beat us and one day some kid brought in a fucking album and we put it on during class sister Mariella you

know shut up so our goal in those days was to go in and torture the nuns the same way those kids with torture in the system Harry elephant so that was the first beginning of it you know who are these guys Cheech and Chong but you know some kid had the album from the Bronx and then Big Bamboo and I had Big Bamboo and Los Cochinos sure and one of my old time because my mother had a bar so my mother they talked about drugs and they got that in the house and you know reefer and shit yeah fucking how to make a drug deal let's make a drug like I will never forget that these are you know it's like I don't forget Richard

Pryor nigga meets wine up nigga meets wine on meets Dracula you know those bits they'll be in my mind forever sister Mariella Fent will be in my mind forever and let's make a dope deal because it was like a spoof on let's make a deal yeah fucking you know so I just want to start with that I still remember going to Jersey City on a Saturday and doing micro that acid and seeing up and smoke with 29 kids in a movie theater and losing your mind when they made the when they made the truck out of marijuana and shit and the mufflers started burning it and all the security guards were fucking high you know this

was just that was our life was coming to see you watch you and then I'm sure you were one of the motivators and that's smoking dope I'm not gonna blame it on you like this priest made me kill myself go fuck yourself all right Judas Priest didn't hang your kid you dumb fuck you did well we used to say you know when when they came down on us we'd be on radio stations you know they would be you know how do you feel you know turning all these kids on the drugs and that and so my thing was in fact I said what if we're right what if what we were doing back then was the right thing to do and it turned out to be the right thing

and so now that is legal man it's like you know teach and I both walk around like you know yeah we did it man you know it's it's legal and it should be because it's healthy it's just another day in paradise yeah it is especially if you've done the spectrum of drugs like I was an asshole growing up I was a criminal so I did the spectrum of drugs what kind of crime I was a fucking petty thief well yeah coke dealer you know I did whatever my mom died and I I lost faith in the system I lost faith in myself and I just did anything I could do to it was this in Jersey in Jersey New York City area yeah and well that's what

you do and you know you break down and and you just do shit and one day I got in trouble and that learned my lesson fuck no you know I came out and kept fucking around but you found out how to get into the best prisons yeah well you find it's funny the guy that got me into the best prison died two weeks ago I got the email last week I went to him before I got locked up because him and I had similar crimes so I went to him and he goes I'll make calls for you so when I got the diagnostic I already had it in oh yeah and that's very important as soon as I got the diagnostic they said ask for the certain guy tell him it

came by a century God rest his soul and you know I had the best slippers well yeah same as me yeah when they were gonna put me in the word went out you know and I'm such a celebrity with everybody in the system oh my god yeah and so when I got there it was like a it was a royal greeting you know everybody lined up outside the prison and how are you doing mr. Chong and they said for tradition or whatever it is legally they have to handcuff me to walk in into the door and then once I'm in the door they take off the handcuffs it's just symbolic because actually they let me you know self what do you call it surrender

self surrender yeah and so vanity fair sent sent me a writer and a limo to take me from my house to prison and so we wrote up to prison in limousine got stopped by the cops for speeding and the driver said we got Tommy Chong going to prison the guy said okay go ahead you know no take it just just get him in the jail and when I got there when I when they processed me in they had me there was two prisons there's a main the main joint in the in the front of the prison and I was in the camp at the back and so when you go through the front door you know it's a real lockdown the official language in that prison was Spanish so so it was a tough tough prison behind there was the camp and was up full of celebrities

and lawyers and doctors and and white-collar people and so the guy that had to drive me there as soon as I got in the truck in the pickup truck he pulls out a Cheech and Chong album he says will you sign this for me and so and then when I got in the joint I was greeted and the first guy was greet me it was a little Spanish guy named Tony and he he goes hey come on I got some hand-picked dickies you know the the uniform you have to wear he had some what do you call antique dickies that they were saving you know it's a clothes guy and so so I got I got these I had a beautiful uniform it was crazy man and all I did when I was there besides go to school I went to school I had free reign basically and the the only thing I

I really started doing the minute I walked in was just take pictures with the inmates and then the visiting thing filled up because they heard I was there and and so it's like a meet and greet every Sunday and then they they said okay no more pictures you know that that was a big deal from there but it was it was it was fun then we shot a video and I they let me use the warden's office and you know you know how it is when you're when you're shooting a movie you can tell everybody shut up everybody shuts up and so we didn't have we're sitting around bullshitting and I said because I could hear the warden everybody walking and talking and that so I just leaned my head out the door goes hey quiet in here we're shooting

I had the warden tiptoeing around everybody tiptoeing around what prison did you now you you were gonna charge with a federal yeah it was a fed so you ended up going to Lompoc no I went to Taft and where's Taft Taft's outside of Bakersfield okay just outside of Bakersfield it was originally a woman's prison and so we had showers with doors on them we had the shitters with doors on you know it was it was a woman's prison so how many how many people in the prison in in our camp there was I think 400 that's a lot 200 200 and each there's two dormitories A and B and and they had a gay dormitory a gay old man dormitory that's when I was in and then B you know the other prisoners but you had to be nonviolent right there was a lot

of things that's it was a camp it was a camp it was we had running tracks we had you couldn't wait lifted anymore they stopped the weights and so everybody was like chin-ups and you know dips and but they had a running track in a football field a basketball court and I was I was taking tango at the time a tango dancing so I used to go to the basketball court and practice my tango walk and and because I'm an entertainer you know I'm used to people looking at me so I wasn't worried about that and so I had a big contingency of bikers there's a lot of the peaceful bikers and mongols and house angels and a lot of those guys but they they were hard and criminals but they were peaceful so they they were in the camp and they they would gather around and to watch me

walk do my tango walk then one day Steve the big old biker goes hey John you don't have to dance alone here I'll dance with you har har har har so I walked over to him because in tango dancing with men is is quite common so I took him in my arms and he got all homophobic and he became my best friend and my dog and so uh when we were in and out he was like my cheat man I had I tortured this shit out of this game like we played pool and I beat him and then I wouldn't play him again because I'm and he was a pool shark and so and he might have let me beat him the first game but I wouldn't I'd never played him again the whole day the whole time I was there you had a good time oh man I had a good time I had the best I had a good time I had the best it's great how long

it's time to jet that they make you do nine months nine months and it goes fast it went how was the food in your situation well we had our own private chef sounds like good fellas yeah exactly we had uh his name is Eric Larson he's a pro golf caddy he was a golf caddy for Mark Calcovecchi and he he was in on a very bum rap you know like he would buy cocaine from this girl and and so the feds busted the girl and they said we need a name and and so they she gave him Eric's you know he was the closest to a name that she had and so the feds went after Eric and they offered him five years and Eric's no because he wasn't a dealer he was a caddy and so he fought it and he won and then they refilled the charges and he couldn't afford the

second one you can't beat the feds and so uh they they gave him uh I think 15 years and he did 12 11 when I was there you know what the most shocked I mean I'm sure I'm not saying that you were scared before you went in but you had some doubts you had never been in jail before and all this I think the biggest shock to you and me was the stories you hear in there yeah about how the government works oh and if you tell people like I would love to sit with somebody for I have 10 hours yeah of undercover stories that yeah people would die they go Joe you're lying and I'm telling you they can't believe it you you cannot believe how the federal government works there's a guy in there that was he might still be in there but he was supposed to be released a year before I went in

and because of the paperwork they won't they won't release him and he's got no way to get but on the other hand it's a federal prison and so they have to give you the medical and so there I met guys in there that had never they weren't criminals but they had to have the open heart surgery or they would die and so they would commit a crime to end up in the fed federal system and get the get the operation so it's a whole crazy it's a fucking you would not people on the streets would not normal people would go Joey I love you but you're lying yeah that would never happen stories of one because my I was arrested for kidnapping so they put me in county first kidnapping yes but it becomes federal kidnapping one and two she wouldn't go up with you no that

little bitch she was in love with Harvey Weinstein instead so what happened was when you get arrested for federal when you go in and you're there I think it takes 72 hours for them to decide whether they're gonna charge you on the state the feds couldn't make a decision up because I had been in trouble and Aspen I was in on some Aspen type drug stuff and the da got involved so until they wanted to talk to me brief me or whatever to try to make me a deal the da the feds held on to me it was like a ploy and I kept saying why am I still here after 72 hours and they're like wow they're still deciding you guys have to decide my now they don't the feds are a different game and then when people heard me on the phone they would come over and go listen

man that ain't nothing they would start hearing shit about you know just one guy was in there now when you go to prison you know who's lying to you and you know who's telling you the truth yeah if I'm telling you I'm a kingpin and I'm so I'm bumming a cigarette for me there's a fucking problem okay no the problem is if you believe them if you leave right if you believe but there's guys in there that every visitation they got a different broad visit in them yeah bringing them food giving them 10,000 I mean it's fucking crazy yeah and this guy was telling me a story how you know this fed was his friend for two years and he goes everything I did the guy did and he goes we got so strung out on blow that we started shooting it

he goes he was a fed shooting it with me shot for shot sure for shot and he goes I couldn't figure it out when they arrested me they made me try to make me do a deal real fast and he goes I turned it down my attorney wanted to take it to trial they kept pushing it back because the guy had become a junkie and he'll get off the coke and they couldn't figure out how they were going to testify against him they had a little bit of tape the stories are endless endless endless like they had a little bit of tape so they couldn't really prosper so this guy waited two years to go on trial like just because they had a cleaner and he goes the guy came in looking like fucking Johnny Pavarotti two years later and he denied everything there's no more coke in his blood

it's your word against mine and he's a fed and he's not you know when you hear about the halfies you did a very popular show that I fucking because you did all the movies then my mother died in 79 and then I went off the deep end and I lost track of Cheech and fucking Chong yeah I was living up my own Cheech and Chong adventures bringing in vans and guns and shit and then one day I'm watching TV I'm watching my favorite TV show on Friday night and who fucking pops up but Chong as in it's a great episode about pirates that steal this cocaine it was one of my amy vices my amy vices it was one of them the dealer you're the dealer but you set a line in there that I still use today what's it one of the best line first row your name was either jumbo your name

was jumbo a dumbo and you had a chubby wife with a shotgun he lived in the trailer and this they come to you first you cut the deal and then when they come to you the second time it's night time and it's young kids they trust fun kids yeah and they pull up and they leave the lights on and you pull out like with a fucking gun and you look at them and you look turn off the lights the saint of god damn spy movie or something so this day I still use that fucking line turn off the lights dog the same no fucking spy movie yeah that was my one Miami vise Miami vise and stuff that was fun that was a great episode yeah yeah it was good but uh we were getting back to the feds and all that shit there were stories in there yeah that how they the feds broke up a

family I was in there with a family called the mark these are long line Colorado and they fucking were uh what are you doing you know they mow you along well yeah there's gardeners they started being landscape artists and long have you ever been to long long Colorado it's outside of Boulder I've been to Boulder it's outside of Boulder it's uh back then it was a mom and pop community yeah you drove through you could smell cow shit now it's a metropolis yeah because it's next to Boulder yeah but at that time was it wasn't the the the best place in the fucking world I forgot what I was gonna tell you now oh so the markedly started the young kid bought a gram of coke one day and it went on and so forth and they were making millions a month selling coke from A to Z

in long month they were getting it from some Mexicans and uh what they were doing was they were selling half grams and grams but kilos they were out of their minds they were yahoes this it's 1986 nobody really knew about cocaine and it's a mom and pop situation so it was him and his father they didn't even know how to wash the money so they started buying tractors and fucking lomoes they had 200 lomoes it was the only fucking gardening company that was making two million on the books they had no idea it was him and his father cutting trees they're making two million dollars now on the books they didn't even know how to wash the money that's how they got caught yeah the feds stayed at their house when they arrested them the fed stayed at their house for

24 hours and said when they were calling go chung i'm coming over to pick up an eight ball they would go nah this ain't chung this is phyllis nephew come on over they sold coke for 24 hours without arresting any of the people just to clock the type of business they were doing yeah so they posed as dealers for 24 hours everybody who bought coke from them that ain't nothing then they got arrested they fucking got arrested and they brought them into jail so it was the father the son and the wife and then they took the son and they made up a whole story they had pictures of you know like me and chung talking me and you smoking a joint they put a picture of chung and the guy's wife together and told them that his father was having an affair with his fucking wife the feds are cold blooded

that's why the tapes that's why whenever they tape you you always hire audible experts you spend x of 10 000 and you hire an xfbi guy because the xfbi guy will go yeah they just mix those in together yeah so it's it's you and him having it's tony and chung having a conversation about eating cake and all of a sudden you hear my voice going chung make the delivery yeah give me 12 cakes you know and then now they go to court and they go cakes with kilos and chung sitting there like that what are you talking about fucking you've never heard these things and chung go vouch what they did with me they we had a bond company glass company and so ashcroft and bush and them they're starting the iraqi war so they needed a diversion you know and so they put out the press thing that

paraphernalia is funding the terrorist all the money we're making the billions we're making off bond cells is going into to help the terrorists and so they put an undercover guy in in our bond company and all he did was straighten our bond company out so who's running properly because we were losing money like crazy amazing and so then when they busted us they knew that we were losing money but they had gone on with this thing and so they needed the name they needed the the cheech and chong name and so they they busted us and then they they just give me a deal they said either you give up or we'll go after your son right i know you stuck up and your wife because she wrote the cheque and it wasn't a nothing illegal was going on but they and then they had us

they taped us there they taped them trying to buy bonds from us and our company wouldn't send it to them they said no sorry we were not allowed to ship the bonds to to pennsylvania and so the feds came in person to the to the thing and they already had an undercover guy in our business anyway and so they arranged to send a shipment to pennsylvania which gave them the evidence to bust me and it was all illegal it was entrapment you know it was under covers everything the feds did everything you know illegal but when they said either you go or your son goes you know then i said i'll go for sure you know because i i wanted the adventure anyway wow were you scared when you walked in no not a bit how old were you when you walked in

i grew up in calgary alberta canada i was in my sixties late sixties i grew up in canada in bank uber calgary in bank uber and the only people i really knew because i had a nightclub too so it were gangsters you know that was the only people i really knew so i knew i knew that life better than i knew uh you know the college life and so before music you had a club in vancuva yeah and then you that was in a band the music that was a fucking motown band yeah is that true oh yeah yeah i heard that years ago and i'm we had one of the best r&b singers in in the world he's dead now but bobby taylor was a legend and what was the name of your band uh bobby taylor in the bank ubers and the reason it was called bobby taylor in the bank ubers was that we never had

a name we were a bar band and so when they said uh what's the name of the group and so bobby and i he got me in the comedy he was like a funny funny guy very funny like all black guys you know the in the jazz and r&b world they all they're all comedians but the thing is they can sing you know but they can they can be funny and so when when they asked us the name of our band we never had a name and so we were thinking of crazy names and there was a band in texas at the time now that this was i had to be 1966 67 yeah around 66 when we got it discovered 1966 there was a band in texas called ten screaming niggers and so we said why don't we call our band four niggers in itching it's okay so we put it up on the marquee four niggers in it now appearing four niggers in a chink

and that night uh we had we had one audience one one customer and it was a very angry black lady wrestler named lotty the body and lotty sat in the front row we played a we played a song and two and she says well i see the niggers but where's the chink now my dad was chinese he didn't know about the sign he's he's a doorman and so he walked over to her to tell her you know you don't talk like that and she picked him up in body slam on the floor so i threw my guitar down i ran down there she picked me up body slam my ass and all the brothers on the stage were laughing their ass off they were just cracking up and so we changed the name to four colored guys in a chinese lad and motown said no no no no now what year is this 1966 67 66 i'm just getting off the

boat from cuba playing really got me yeah yeah yeah we we did our record in 1967 and we changed motown because it was the first uh interracial song you know does your mama know about me and so diana ross was she was the one that really discovered us she she came to the club with the rest of the supreme's they saw us play and she fell in love with her she actually found love with a drummer because she stole the drummer soon as we went to motown she she stole our drummer but that was okay because we had a lot of drummers but yeah we were the first in a lot of ways and then we discovered the jackson five they opened for us when they were they went a high school contest and and so uh barbie taylor in the vancouver's and jerry butler

were playing at the regal theater in chicago and jackson five opened the show and they were the jackson five plus johnny because a little cousin there and so barbie taylor told michael and joe his father to hey come come on to detroit we'll get you signed with motown and so they came and stayed at barbie's house for uh but a month but took a month before they finally auditioned them and then the rest is history did you ever both bent in any other jackson always oh yeah we're still pretty we're tight we we have that history you know because germaine germaine was really the the one that bonded with me the most he actually did a cover of does your mama know about me and i saw michael and she's never really believed that story you know and so when we

saw michael at um at a grammy uh the 25-year grammy get together uh barbie uh she went over to michael and asked him if uh that story was true and michael said yeah yeah he discovered us yeah that was barbie taylor and then michael asked me when he tried to talk a little comedy with me he said tommy do you think barbie's funny now i took it to mean did i think barbie was gay and because barbie was notorious he's got a reputation having the uh big uh the ron germy you know and so and i thought is he gay yeah probably and so i said yeah he probably is funny and but he was trying to talk comedy you know michael like he likes to be an expert of everything but yeah he was it was fun that that whole year it was how did that band then

how did that band did you guys break up oh yeah immediately as soon as you get a hit well you know as soon as they they they could pull barbie away from the rest of the band you see they just want the singer they don't want the band and so so that's what they did the producers you know and then i got fired i got fired from motel but because barbie knew my kind of contribution to everything because i met we met barbie right right in the beginning when we went over to his house and and we had uh tom baird the guy that wrote the music genius that wrote does your mama know about me the music he uh he we had to fly him in because we just showed up with the band and baird wanted the songwriters you know that's what he was looking for so we we got tom baird in there and tom baird

has got the singing of perfect pitch he could hear anything a doorbell or something to tell you what note it is and he he mesmerized barbie gordy with barbie gordy with when he heard the doorbell and tom named named off the the notes barbie went over to the piano and checked it out oh it's right he's right so he he really and and barbie would always talk to me even though we never had a leader of the band i was you know the the unofficial leader and so barbie always talked to me so when i got fired because after the band broke up barbie went on his own we had to back up a singer named chris clark which was a cool gig but i had to get a green card because we're canadians we thought we got self-deported from from motown and into a windsor and so i i had to miss a gig to go get

my green card you know because you don't mess around with the green card and so the the tour manager at the time singer named johnny bristol he told me he says if you leave you're fired you know i i didn't even argue with him i just said okay so i had to get i got my green card to come back and i was fired and and my girlfriend at the time shelby she was in the motel that was the reason i had to they never gave me a ticket back from from uh detroit to cherry hill new jersey where it was i had to go back to get my guitar my instruments my girlfriend and the baby so you go back with shelby that long yeah yeah oh my god and she was she was the one that said i walked in she's oh you're finished early and i said no i got fired she says that that's good

honey come to bed that band sucked that was my lady that said that and so oh yeah she was the one that got got me then i then i we we got a nice settlement from barry gordy you know because barry phoned me up right away and he said man you're not fired come on and i says i think i i'm gonna stay fired i want to become a barry gordy i don't want to just work for one and barry says i i respect that so he gave me five thousand dollars and a little severance and we went to california and and then from the california had to go back to the night clubs because i had no band now the night club you had in vancuva yeah but it become a strip club oh no i had two uh they both were given to me the first club was an after hours club the guy that owned the building he knew the band

he said to me do you want a club and i said yeah and there's an empty steakhouse so we opened a after hours club there and then we went for like five years incredibly packed every night because we had the good music and then because we'd done that with that club there's other failing uh the what do you call it a dinner club you know uh a friend of mine it was in china town bad location but he said uh do you want another club i said yeah sure so we opened the we we changed it from a dinner club into a strip joint for vancuva's first strip joint and we had pictures and we got a documentary coming out it'll show all that that year what year was the strip club that was in sixties it was sixty probably sixty five sixty six sixty seven yeah around there and where is

she's coming to all this well i started the strip club after i i came back from being fired from motel now one question smoking pot through all this oh yeah you're already smoking oh yeah what were the popular strains at sixty six like uh columbian gold it was color my red it was called some you got some yeah i got some that's it i need some didn't matter we both say hashing in vancuva right because we got hash from vietnam actually we got a lot of weed right coming from it was during the war and so we had a lot of weed coming in and then they would smuggle from india and that you know the hash mostly hash because they could stamp on it yeah yeah but there were hash balls they would make hash balls stick it in the in the speaker cabinet of uh base guitars

that's one way of doing it we smoked a lot of hash mostly but when we uh when we got the strip club when i came back to work the strip club it was it was going good you know the girls were dancing and we had a singer and a band playing and but it was boring and i'd i'd seen second city and i'd seen the committee in vancuva i mean in los angeles and so i had an idea of turning the girls into actresses instead of having them because he when they would come to work they were beautiful young fresh you know beautiful and then we'd put on that strip costume and everything they started looking a little slutty you know and so i thought wow it'd be great if i got them on stage as they are and then strip you know and and then do it in in the context of a play or of a bit you

know and so we changed the strip thing into a into a improvisational acting thing and then we had a straight man i'm first of all we had a tap dancer that was tap's hairs you know black guy who was tap dancer he would use the mc for the strippers and so when i changed the show into a play the play the first play was it was a the pajama party and so the girls would act the stage was their was their bedroom and and so they would come over and greet each other hey how are you doing and like they after the gig and so they would get out of their their their street clothes and put on the little baby doll pajamas you know it was a strip joint a strip show and then taps comes over to visit him and and they said taps man why they call you taps he's a he's a

top dancer well show us what you got you got and so we had a band so they would play a tap music and tap danced he was so good that he got an encore and he was pretty old encore almost killed him so he quit that night he says i can't do this man i'm out of here and so i had a doorman it was very funny guy named dave dave graham and i said to dave dave i need a mc you know i need a guy on stage and he's i'll do it if you do it so i said okay and so next thing i know dave and i were two long-haired hippies on stage doing doing comedy and then we had a straight man higher than us soon as we turned it into a an acting thing all the actors converged on the club and so we had a straight man of actor named rick lens and only trouble is that we got so popular

the newspaper had a had a front page picture of rick lens with girls with big titties on either side of well rick was like kind of a religious nut and his wife was a real religious nut and so she really literally called them pulled them out of there by his ear you know you're you're you're quitting and so we needed a straight man and so this russian publisher of the hippie magazine he's i i know just the guy he's this guy uh he's really funny his name is richard marin and so he's come on meet him so i went out met met cheech for the first time and he was a little look like johnny mathis clone you know the short hair you look like a little mooney you know so uh i met him and i said i told him what we were doing and he said okay i'll come down and check it out

so he came down and the reason i hired him was when he walked in because we had the improv thing set up we had doors and curtains and so we're backstage we could see the audience and i looked out and he walked in with one of the most beautiful women i've ever seen in my life you know long full lengths mink cope tall beautiful brunette just gorgeous and cheech walked in you know like he bought owned the place i said this guy's got something going so you saw he saw the show he liked the show and so we hired him and uh and he was he was the understudy for for a couple of months and then when my brother fired us because we weren't making any money we had turned the crowd from a strip joint you know guys throw money you know add anything to uh what do you call

actors or a sea out to sea out to people coming and they would order a wine and count their change you know excuse me you still owe me a dollar you know that kind of thing and so we we were losing money and so my brother said we had we have to go back to the strip format you know so you guys are out of here and so cheech and so everybody out the girls went right back stripping no problem dave went right back on the door and cheech and i were the only ones that were going well what are we going to do so we put a band together you know because i'm a musician he's a singer but we never our first gig we never played one note we just went out and did comedy all the bits that we had done on on stage and that was the beginning of cheech and chong

and what year was that that was 1969 what made you at that time because now if you look back it's visionary yeah what made you put the first album together oh easy uh cheech and i came down for to struggle the first club we'd worked was red fox's club down here yeah where was red fox's club it was on las yannigan it was the only only comedy club in in town 1970 uh that was 1969 still or 70 no it was 70 then it was 70 and uh yeah red wasn't in town he was out working and norma mailer uh she was the manager so she she had us come down there she couldn't pronounce her name cheech and chong she called us geek and gank and ladies and gentlemen here they are geek and gank what so we we did a bit and then

lennie bruce's entourage lennie had died a couple years earlier and so his entourage including sally marr they would come to the all the clubs or the red fox club looking for the other lennie and they saw cheech and chong and so tony viscara uh lennie's brother father-in-law his young guy named chicano also ex jailbird he uh he spotted us come up to me right away and he goes you know you're you're the you you guys are the closest thing to lennie since since lennie died and and he became not a not a so much a manager although i hired him every chance i got i hired him tried to get him to be a roadie for us that didn't work out and because he was a junkie you know so i tried i tried then just before he died i hired him as a writer for uh nice dreams but

the reason we got the record was um we did or not we were almost the regulars at the troubadour for the hootenanny night and we started going down there you had to go there you had to line up at nine in the morning get there at nine and at least around nine o'clock you're earlier if you had to so you could be first in line and then we'd wait till six o'clock till the to the box office open and then we would sign up and then we'd be the sixth one on on stage we had the the nice time and so we did that for a few almost a year and then lou addler heard about us came down saw us and uh invited us to meet in his office we went in there and because i had that mini bruce uh you know background listening to records especially up in canada you know i knew

how to do a comedy record so so when lou said what do you want what do you want and i said well let's do a comedy record and he said okay what do you need let me see give us a couple of grand we're in you draw the check boom we paid the rent and we were off to the races you know chung i uh i'm not woke as they say you have to be woke in this society but there's still things that i remember from my youth that still overtake who i am today i've shot two comedy specials and i've hated them both i have a great time doing albums one of my best pieces of work i think isn't how i did oh i want to hear it and but the funny thing is i came from an albamy society yeah okay yeah delirious came later when i was growing up you couldn't go on youtube and

watch lennie fucking bruce no so i didn't get into lennie bruce to basically youtube came on when i got the comedy somebody gave me a vhs of lennie yeah but even when it comes to the podcast the main reason why i wanted to start a podcast was to make america listen again yeah something we have forgotten i learned to listen because of los cochinos big bamboo was it something i said and by centennial nega those four albums taught me how to listen but they also set the groundwork for me to what i wanted my comedy to sound like i don't want it perfect yeah i'm gonna fucking gritty yeah i like grit okay well what makes you laugh what makes me laugh your albums are brilliant and they'll never ever happen again in the comedy realm because they're too overproduced no in today's

world we over produce nothing what's the producers they're they're the kings they're the ones that do it they're the ones that do it in my world me in a perfect joey dears world the best special i've ever seen in my life is richard prier from that fucking coffee shop with the menu behind him yeah okay because i felt like i was there yeah you see a special now with this theaters and there's curtains and they show us walking and smoking a joint that never happened that never happened i like grit i like that 70s grit yeah i miss it i miss the today you tape something you know music do you hear any live albums anymore no do they even make fucking live albums anymore they have lost an art we took away an art from us they don't even use musicians anymore yeah no

now they want to do uh you know they sample everything they sample everything and no now they're doing the hologram tour she's coming on the show pretty soon for ronnie james deal but people that understand that out have you seen have you seen the hologram thing i saw all pictures yeah i've seen pictures they try to get us involved in it but and you know it's like a magic show it's like yeah they're not there that's not tupac you know it might be it might be his music it might look like him but it's it's not tupac you know and so what the fuck you know or they got they said they can bring albus back or they can bring all that no you can bring a picture of him but we we see that on tv every day you know there's nothing you can watch any commercial you're

going to see that shit you know so there's nothing to entice you to go in your pocket and pay some money to go see a hologram of somebody else that you know is not there there's something to say about the human flesh you know it's real you know but it's it's it's very weird that if you see look to my left i i still have over a while and i have calm the albums on it yeah i see that i love that some nights i have nothing to do at the house the baby goes to sleep at 8 30 and i'll come here and i'll put an album and first off and in an album unless it has a little bump to it yeah so even if you find big bamboo today like if you go to a homeba and somebody sold it from the rise sale or something oh we sign them all the time we sign them all the time and i'll tell you something

the true professionals never touch that paper no they have never touched that rolling paper right there it wasn't meant to be rolled it's a roller i don't think it has glue it doesn't have no no glue it is not a good paper so people were still putting weed in there you don't know how many parties i went to where people were like we rolled the joint with the paper and all of a sudden their hands on fire because the thing blew up in their face or they would take a little corner of the paper right i mean why destroy a piece of art for a fucking paper you can get a cigarette paper anywhere but but till today yeah when i go to new york city when i'm here in town i buy papers the white ones yeah what are the white ones they come white orange and the other one zigzag zigzag

as soon as i step off the fucking plan i buy bamboo and easy water i'm still a big bamboo guy i was smoking big bamboo when weed came with seeds yeah and you would light it up and it would explode i had a dealer that used to hit the seeds with with hammers crush them up crush them up to get weight and you couldn't finish smoking or they would explode they'll go pop every shirt you had had a burn mark in it because people the seeds would blow all over the public popcorn you don't know how many times i will sit in this chair and talk to people about the value of albums in this country and i think that you guys with the big bamboo really opened up a lot of people's minds with that roam where did you get that idea actually and big bamboo went along with you

oh for sure they loved it they've been sending me all sorts of shit they're trying to even get me going again with the big bamboo a lu adler was a marketing genius genius and so what he did he he found the right artist now the only problem he had a hard like a lot of producers he had a hard time paying paying them the artist and so what happened the guy that that designed big bamboo he got paid for that but then they went on another photo shoot and they try to do another one and they got uh the tons of people they had paid down away and and Warren Beatty everybody else at this photo shoot and but it never never made the cut and so the so lu never paid the guys and so the guys just contacted me recently the artist and said we got all this material

do you would you like it and we're shooting we're doing a documentary i said uh yeah thank you and so he brought all this treasure trove of uh chiech and i in a photo shoot stuff material no one's ever seen uh before but it was that it was the uh artist craig brann was a guy that did the bamboo the bamboo album he did the rolling stone too he did the tongue the rolling stone really yeah now let me ask you a question because this wasn't 2019 when you released an album with a rolling paper it it was 1972 yeah okay vietnam was either ending no i know it was still on i think vietnam went to 73 vietnam was still around you know you couldn't go to your nearest dispensary you couldn't go to the corner and lie to joint and talk to your friend

on the corner because a cop helicopter would be there was there any backlash oh yeah at the time i mean what was it was uh when when it suited their purposes you know like remember and when what's that singer that uh got caught showing his dick on stage lucy cat no no way back the singer uh uh morrison jim morrison jim morrison took his dick out in miami in miami in miami okay so when he did that then the hall all those venues put a clause in their contract that if you broke that any kind of piece like that uh you you would have to pay the hall five thousand dollars and so when cheech and i played the same hall in tampa florida they arrested us for obscenity and uh but they didn't charge us it was just a scam so the hall owner could make an extra five grand

and uh so cheech and i got taken to jail and but that was funny we got a funny but what was obscenity what was it was us acting like wow i don't know what it was i think we were acting like dogs we get on our hands and knees and and sniff each other's butts and i think what happened they had the the cops lining around the stage facing the audience you know as if they're gonna stop stop some kind of riot or something and so cheech when he was a dog he walked over on his hands and knees and he picked up one of the cops hats off his head and and act like he was peeing on the cop you know i think that might have contributed somewhat to us being arrested but we got arrested they put us in jail man now see i've been incarcerated a few times you know when i was young

cheech his father was a cop right and cheech i mean he breaks into a sweat just thinking about jail and so he he was he was not at first when we went to jail we didn't think we're going to be there long you know we just got off stage you got a standing ovation everything all the next thing you know we're sitting in a holding cell with a bunch of other people and and there's one chicano guy in jail he goes to cheech in spanish you know what what are you in jail for and cheech drugs you know he didn't want to say obscenity so he said drugs and so the the latino guy goes tell him a black guy sent it to you and tell him a black guy gave it to you and that was our thing and then cheech we're in in jail he was teasing the the guard he said oh jail tandy jail tandy

could we have some pink toilet tissue in here please and and you don't fuck around with with guards because they hear everything they act like they don't hear anything but they hear everything they know exactly who said it and so we were there so long that we ended up sitting down because before that we're standing up waiting to get released and then we're longer and then the then the same guard the cheech bug he said the cheech ate you come with me and all i heard was cheech was leaving and said my dad's a cop you know my dad's a la pd trying to convince the guy that he was uh he was on their side you know but we got out it was a big publicity thing we got a picture of our mug shots and he sold more tickets yeah

and it was more popular just made it you know he's got international press on that one yeah that's the same as me going to jail same thing you know i turned into an icon you know so it didn't bother didn't bother my fans at all you know so here i am a young kid i'm into the albums i'm into prior i'm into smoking marijuana the whole thing and then boom now you're doing movies yeah and you know i didn't have time to watch the movies before you came on i thought it would be cheesy to all of a sudden start hitting you with questions i remember two things from the movie the band when cheech came out with the two tuba i forget the song he was saying and i wanted to be in the marijuana mama talking do me trying to do that you know i mean come on when you're

12 or 13 and you take a red mic with that acid and take the number one bus to jersey city by the time you get to jersey city you're on fire and you'd walk into this you know that this is just sitting here watching you i'm listening to you but i didn't really understand the power that is chung till today this is 60 years of real this is an oaky doke shit this is from michael jackson to motown to movies to records to you know i mean the movies and your albums tracked back then yeah like they made it's like number 10 oh yeah i mean this is just phenomenal did you think this was the way when you were when you were putting down the vocals of big bamboo did you see 2019 no no what were you thinking at the time you're eating or just actually we're happy

we're right in in the middle of creating when we first the first bit we did was an accident you know after we got our money from lou you know the thousand a couple of thousand dollars and i said oh and we need a little tape recorder i thought that would be a nice little added thing and so he got his secretary got us a little tape recorder and so chich and i went in the back mixed down room in the a and m studios and we were practicing we were rehearsing and so chich was so used to working live that he went outside he put on his costumes and everything else he's going to be a dope dealer and and he goes outside and the door locks from the inside and it was really hot out there that was like an a and m in the middle of summer the sun's beating

down on him so he knocked on the door he goes and i'm supposed to let him in because so i was trying to record the the sound the little tape recorder and so when he knocked i looked up at the door and i didn't see if the if the needle was moving or not and so i said uh who is it and chich is it's me man and i looked down and i seen the needle movement so it's recording and so i'm looking at it staring at it and was that pause and then he knocked again so i said oh i thought i'll start to bit over again so i said who is it and i heard it in his voice it'll pissed off it's it's me man open up come on i think the cops saw me so now i got him outside the door is locked he can't get in i'm waiting for him to knock again because he's so so disciplined once we get into

a bed he can't get out of it and so he knocks again this time a little harder and i go who is it who it it's me man dave dave no let me in it's hot out here and i said dave yeah yeah dave then i said dave's not here there was a pause and then he flew it he was come on man quit fucking around it's hot out here no let me in let me in you know and so i opened the door and he he almost wanted to punch me he was beat red he was sweating i said wait wait wait wait wait listen listen and i played it back and that was the beginning of our record career not only the beginning of our recording career but was beginning of our style of how we would do it we didn't need anybody we didn't need a lot of engineers we just needed one guy to work the tape

recorder and with a little room and that's all we had and then we put all the sound effects everything else in there the first day dave's not here was recorded on the big stage with lou adler lou adler did the whole thing and he did uh blind man and chitlin and all that you know because after we did dave's not here they said okay what else you got and she looked at each other we hadn't even thought about writing another bit and so we just did our live show which was blind man and chitlin and it was uh and blind man and chitlin was a a bit that i got from the committee the committee used to do a bit on a blind blue singer and so i not i was influenced by let's say that way put it that way in and so we made up the record the blind man and chitlin

as in the in the studio and uh and then we realized that we didn't need all the engineers and the producers and everything else and so cheech and i just just the producer and i mean the engineer and cheech and i norm canny and cheech and chong and we worked every day just going there which is very really relaxed like we're doing now exactly this is very brilliant i mean these stories uh like i said now i'm talking to you i'm getting to see how much you influence what you guys did oh yeah stuck with me forever like i before i did this podcast the person was editing it i didn't really enjoy it and it was basically because of what you guys did with your albums yeah they sounded so raw yeah and that's what i've always liked i've always liked i'm gonna i'm never

gonna shoot a special again i mean i really don't want to shoot a special yeah i don't want to tape shit i want to put it on vinyl next time i want to put my shit on vinyl and i want people to have the same experience that you gave me yeah that experience has been taken away uh we had um the guy from guns and roses a few weeks ago definitely kagan duff and we were talking about that that what it meant for children to have a paper out deliver fucking newspapers all week you get paid on saturday and saturday me tony lee and chong would walk down sunset when we were 12 to your favorite record store and you were gonna get led zeppelin too chong don't fuck around get richer prior because chong was always the one that would switch his fucking mind i don't want to get richer

prior now my dad's gonna laugh but you know you got these albums you took them home you know explain to them how you opened the album you read the credits and while you were reading the credits art you cleaned your weed yeah on the album cover and then you took your weed that's why sometimes you go buy a second hand album and if it opens up there's two seeds in there and it does something to your heart like your heart gets a little crippled you guys took it one above yeah you guys took to me once you guys put the rolling paper in that album that created uh album covers like some girls from the stones which you could rotate and led zeppelin three i think you could also rotate it gave people more freedom what to do with their albums i don't know if you

ever thought about it not no direction this shit was genius to me that like i said till today i still believe in it and i believe the record companies the money is down because you don't entertain people like that anymore if i buy something from from chong now i open it up and it's just a disc yeah there's no pictures of the tour nothing there's no pictures of you in the recording studio no you and your bathroom with your pants off with a big joint your mouth that's what we want to see a poster yeah a poster of you and and and shelby with the dog yeah and he's got a hemp hat on yeah who gives a fuck yeah that those little things yeah made that 795 come out of your pocket a lot easier yeah but you know what even if the album is a five look at the

fucking poster how cool is this and he gave you a fucking rolling paper so and a lot of times you had a you couldn't play it right away you had to wait until your the mind was right oh yeah that smoked only two joys yeah you had a and then you had to be very special yeah you had to have your head in the right spot see i when i was coming up you know poor ass musician you know i was married before shelby in fact shelby was a neighbor and and my first wife maxine she was the one that that supported me you know and she was the one i had a shit job and she put that job you know and so i quit and i just started playing music and then next thing you know the guy gives us a club and we we got some money coming in

but being poor and and just concentrating on what you love to do and that really helped and i could never have done it without the help of ladies and my wife may need my hubby my wife was gone for five days i didn't know where the fucking underwear on i don't even know how to turn the fucking stove on in my house and i do the microwave and stuff i don't know how to turn the fucking stove on in my house i gotta tell you something uh i know your time is limited i don't i wanted you to say that you influenced me in so many ways and you've you're a true fucking hero of mine because you influenced america on the knowledge of marijuana you know what i'm saying you came along aziaz one wrote fucking uh sweetleaf you know listen to the lyrics to sleep

we sweetleaf someday you know the world will love you i should i'll get i was in boulder we're talking about boulder yeah he was there last week and uh in this i was that i got invited by this top astrologist she's in boulder uh deborah silber she said oh you got to meet this girl so but the hippie this hippie girl went went back in time this it was all sent us in the 60s again and and then her girlfriend she's turned lesbian she her girlfriend's a singer singer that wrote all these great um weed songs and it's like a rap sounds like uh uh taylor swift sounds like her doing songs about weed it's so cool and i and she gave me a couple of her cds i'll get them over to you okay you'll love them i mean you play them on your show you oh man you'll love them

this has been uh very eye-opening for me because i didn't see all the great things you did to you in front of me i mean you're the real deal motel commie do all movies miami vice you went to jail and now you're out slinging dick like it doesn't end and i also helped wilful wall street you know the wall street right i help him and i shared the cubicle and so i would i was writing my book you know my memoirs and he would be playing tennis and jordan belford he come in said what are you doing i said i'm writing writing a book he goes oh i'm going to write a book and so he started writing and then he handed me a page and it was like a copy of a thomas wolff uh bonfire the vanities and all the word for word almost you know i said you haven't written

shit man and because he's a genius you know he got all upset he's well what do you think i should write i said write those stories you've been telling me every night you know and i give him a little hand i says the key is the most of you don't just get high you get higher than anybody's ever gotten high in cinema you know so he took me to heart next thing you know he gets out of jail i get out of jail he comes over to my house we because we're both on probation we couldn't talk to each other you know face to face so he's in his car he peeps his horn he goes hey i sold my book it's going to be a movie it's going to be uh scorsese he's going to direct it oh shit just like that and so he's been going around uh given lectures and that now and telling

everybody that i helped him write it write his book so yeah my my my i'm i'm i'm on a very special path man i'm meeting all sorts of people you know i watched john rogan you said that when you very interesting you said that when you went to jail you turned it into a religious yeah experience like a religious retreat yeah and i really identified with you at that time because i looked at it as i looked at it as uh as a buddhist yeah i didn't look at it as a catholic no i was going in there to solve my sins pay for them and i had a second chance at life to start over this is the ultimate payment for your sins this covers all of them yeah you didn't get arrested for the bomb no you didn't go to jail for the bomb that was just a story that the universe made up yeah for you to

pay your no no i was i was in there to cleanse get real acquainted with myself again yeah and that's what it did for me too i didn't have peace of mind for eight years i wanted that and i met joey deas you meet the wants and you also realize what you don't want ever getting what you don't need what you don't need in your life yeah i want to thank you for the great gifts you sent me from pure hemp yeah the what's it called chang's blend chang's choice yeah that half the joint took me to fucking took me back to up and smoke you know i've seen that i've seen you yeah i remembered and i want to tell you always welcome me if you want to bullshit whatever you want to do okay you have a lifelong i'm your new nephew okay because i'm not even a fan i'm beyond the fan

i was more star struck today with your conversations and your beauty and your journey this fucking journey has been if if god forbid if god takes you tomorrow on the way up you're gonna go white did a beautiful journey i introduced people and two of the greatest gifts that you could give somebody laughter and the gift the reefer thank you the gift the reefer when you turn somebody on the reefer and they really need it in their soul and it covers that spread for them that they don't need alcohol they don't need anything else just reefer you feel good i don't know how anybody else feels i feel good i don't feel good when i dose lee with six thousand milligrams of thc he sleeps here for two days that doesn't make me feel good that's a joke that you and i

have a great sense of humor i bet you're great at dosing people too like take a hit of this they won't do nothing to you and teach you oh yeah how many times how many times did you talk so he was my change why don't have to with him he does it on himself on the south yeah yeah he had a date with joni mitchell one time she was playing a concert in in paris and we were shooting a movie in paris and he had him and joni had you know kind of secretly dated on the side so she was a she was going to appear in in paris and so he had a piece of hash and he did no way to smoke it so he's up like he so he ate it the whole chunk of hash he got so stoned he forgot to eat he didn't order food we were at the restaurant he everybody got their food and i looked over

in the room he was that stoned man i've been there oh he's and he still does it to this day and he tries not to that's what i love about him you know because no no no no i can't do that i can't do that and then he picked up a syringe one time and he thought oh i'll just do a little bit he squirted almost it was like rick simpson oil this shit will put you away for for for a month watch rick simpson oil it's the stuff that cures cancer yeah yeah it's so it's so strong it's so strong literally the cancer cell say fuck it i'm out of here because it's too strong why do you have a syringe from where he has well that's oh no you it's like oh it's like oil hash oil right okay oh okay i see what you're saying it's a it's like black widow his wife said he was projectile vomiting vomiting was

and that was one time then he goes to israel and he goes to the wailing wall does the same thing he thought it was a uh a breath mint at the wailing wall yeah and he puts he puts a he puts a whole dose of something in his at the wailing wall and but he started barfing in the in the cab so oh thank god it wasn't bad he turned the wailing wall into the puking wall oh my god oh man change is great you gotta have change and you're back on you're back on the road again oh yeah yeah yeah and full tour starting in september yeah how can these people get to your dates uh we we live live nation dot com there's no chang dot com or the feds won't let you get another web page that's part of your parole there's chichen chang dot com okay chang's choice okay okay so there's a

shitload of them so they can find the dates on live nation and on chichen chang dot com enjoy it i gotta go take a piss do you think okay i love you to death i love you guys chang i want to thank you again you're a gentleman and a true fucking pioneer right go go you're fucking i'm just gonna keep talking i love you guys thank you very much for listening to the church of what's happening i want to thank chang again i want to thank tony for bringing him up here i want to thank you for bringing up the weed for us thank you and the pure hemp and real quick while i have you here uh that's it i'll be in columbus next friday and saturday night columbus funny bone seven and nine i don't know what the fuck the time is make sure you're there that's all i'm asking

you're right then on the fifth of july i'm at the wreck room in orange county but don't worry about that let's worry about potato salad all that shit for right now all you got to worry about is fucking the funny bone columbus all right real quick i want to give a word to our sponsors all right i want to thank my man tommy chang that was a fucking great i spent some great time with him every time i looked at the guy i felt like crying because he meant that much to me in my life i want to thank the christ killer who's going to be at skank fast this weekend all through new york from the eastside comedy club so fucking go on his twitter he'll keep tweeting your way he's going to be if you want to meet him and i want to thank you guys for being fucking the church

family and for always having our back i also want to take time out to thank our sponsors because keeps her afloat number one cbd lion listen your days are walking around like a fucking zombo looking for cbd or a dumbwit okay you're walking around you're believing what this guy tells you with that guy tells you fuck them all you're paying for fucking who gots you're getting garbage listen when you're looking for a reliable cbd company fuck it i got it for you you ready grab a pen cbd lion dot con lucky for you motherfuckers i found cbd lion they make cbd products from start to finish that's what cbd lion does they have you covered they it comes in a vape it comes in cartridges it comes in the tincture it comes in the chatter and don't even let me

get me start on the fucking gummies the strawberry or the raspberry gummies will put you over the fucking top the orange ones ain't that bad either i love their fucking gummies i eat four of them before i go to bed at night i don't wake up in the middle of night to pee and i'm 56 i gotta pee every fucking 15 minutes so you do the math cbd lion is the real fucking deal their products are clean you understand me clean bobby not like the fakes out there and all these fucking liquor stores my my my my brother i went to the liquor store and they go what the fuck he sells vodka what the fuck does he know about cbd or uncle joey's here i live right in the heart of this fucking jungle here of marijuana i'm telling you cbd lion is the way to go all right go to cbd lion

dot com right now and check out their third party results right now yourself they got them right up on the website your fucking hands gonna fucking fly out of your head that's how good cbd lion is so do me a favor go to cbd lion dot com right now look at the fine line of stuff whether you want to go with the shatter whether you want to go with the cartridges as a matter of fact they're releasing a new 420 cartridge 420 milligram cartridge today today so go to cbd lion dot com right now and press in church chur ch and get 20 off your mother fucking order that's how joey does it here and number two it's summertime i bring you tushy do i not do i not try to take listen you can wash your balls till fucking saint gerald those day the problem is you got that

fucking bush down there growing out of your dicks out of your asshole out of your ball sack out of your fucking belly button so you got four contributing factors of stink going towards one fucking area which is your nutsack then you sit there and you're like i can't find nobody on twitch what's the fucking website tender i can't find nobody on tender they come over they don't want to suck my dick maybe because you got a bush of death down there but that comes to an end right now because you got manscaped joey what the fuck is manscape manscape they got precision tools for the family jewels okay manscape has redesigned the electric razor their invention what brought them to the fucking dance is called the lawnmower a handheld razor with skin safe technology joey

what's that what's that you're not going to cut your fucking dick oh that's what that is it won't nick or snag your fucking nut sack because you got to go easy guys you got to go easy and you just can't trust people you can't ask your mother to trim your nut heads and you can't ask your grandmother to trim your nut heads so you got to meet some fucking chick who you trust who you've never done nothing bad to to trim your fucking nut sack have you ever done that your fucking wife you you're fired on her you you pull the blankets overhead she's bound to want to cut one of your fucking nut sacks off i mean i wouldn't right or wrong no more why because you got the manscape this bad boy will leave you clean smooth anxiety free plus it's rechargeable and easy to hold you get into

all the nooks and crannies you fat little fucking cocksuckers you got to pick your stomach up to shave that thing how do i know because i'm a fat fuck myself you got to pick your leg up and put behind your head and trim that fucking bush of death and it also has a little fucking knob that you could trim the outstanding hairs out of your asshole you know i'm saying you can't go in there because god forbid but manscape will get your beanbag looking as smooth as a fucking egg all right i'm gonna let you know a little secret if you trim the hedges the pole of death looks a lot fucking small bigger all right so what are you waiting for trim up that fucking egg roll of love you want to go out then give some mustard to these girls in the mouth it starts with manscape

dot com you get everything you need to make your balls shine like fucking lee's head you keep your dick looking good and if this is the first time you consider manscaping they got a deal for you grab a pen the perfect package comes with a lomboa and a safety razor plus plus the crop preserve especially formulated deodorant so your nuts don't stink plus the reviver let's say you play volleyball and you have a little wang to your nuts and your dick you go behind a fucking phone boot or a car and you wipe out your dick with nobody watching and you go out to the bar and give some fucking stamina and get used to these fucking freaks of death anyway the church family right now today the church gets 20 off your first order when you use promo code church bam at manscape

dot com again that's manscape dot com and if you order the perfect package they're also throwing a free travel bag when you use promo code church that's manscape dot com use promo code church for 20 off your first order remember you got to keep the nuts that clean and it starts with manscape dot com i want to thank manscape i want to thank cbd lion dot com i want to thank all you motherfuckers for being family remember i'll see you savages of death next weekend at the columbus funny bone get your tickets today because they're gonna go fast all the potheds fucker remember they gotta get tickets all right i love you mother fuckers have a great weekend stay black and we'll be back monday morning tip tuesday morning tip top magoo ready for you kick this

fucking muley once and for all oh We're getting to the show tonight We're in America, man We're in America, man We're coming to your town We're gonna get partyin' down We're in America, man

Oh, don't you keep us in Omaha Oh, waitin' for the band To a trip on the show Feelin' good, feelin' right It's Saturday night The hotel detective He was outside And he's fine, ladies

They had a plan They was out to meet the boys In the band, they said Come on, dudes Let's get on And we proceeded to tear that We're in America, man We're in America, man

We're coming to your town We're helpin' you party down We're in America, man We're in America, man We're in America, man We're coming to your town We're helpin' you party down We're in America, man

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're in America, man. We're in America, man. We're coming to your town. We'll help you party your town. We're in America, man. We're in America, man. We're in America, man. We're coming to your town. We'll help you party your town. We're in America, man. We're in America, man. We're in America, man. We're in America, man.