Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #701 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: July 16, 2019

Joey Diaz talks with Lee about his time in Charlotte, how he views his sets at The Comedy Store vs his sets on the road, and why being content can be positive and negative. This podcast is brought to you by:  ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church   Onnit.com - Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.

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Keep peaking You Thank you very much for tuning in to our weekly motherfucking show here It's joey dears and the christ killer coming at you today direct. It's a slow monday We got another podcast coming up this week couple other podcasts Boy, if we get on on here with you today and keep in touch with your motherfuckers and make sure you tip top magua I want to thank everybody Came out to the charlotte shows. They were fucking tremendous. Uh

I mean, you know Just great audiences from thursday to friday to saturday you guys were great So fucking uh tap yourselves on the back for coming out. We had a great time. I had a great time I want to thank brad landing and mike for opening up for me with great fucking show And that's it and that's that, you know, it's funny We do, you know, two of these a week fucking eight to ten of these a month And listen, my philosophy is this we reach out We do the best we can

And Pieces for what the fuck they made I can't if I come here and I know I did the best I can and whatever We made you laugh. Maybe we touched on a subject. We did our job. Okay I don't know how the podcast is going to be and I don't know how you receive them and to be honest It's something that you never know You could have uh jesus christ on here and not hear a thing And then do a podcast about frustration and people hitting you up with fucking emails So I never know. I never know what to expect

All I know is I come in here and we try to fucking talk things over And that's it and that's that I wasn't fucking around Isis in your neighborhoods. I just saw him fucking Driving around before if you don't have your paperwork correct. Stay in mind your business. Listen. I've been in this country What 53 years and I'm fucking walking around on eggshells today. So I'm not too happy No, you don't trade your last name but you gotta look behind you. You don't see me fucking speeding today nothing I don't jaywalk today for the whole week. I ain't doing nothing. I'm minding my business I might not even even go over Laurel Canyon. That's how scared I am

One minute. I'm driving next but I'm gonna fucking hut in texas with 50 mexicans with masses on and shit Smelling like shit in that poor fucking place. Jesus christ. Let them out. Will you? They just said just let them out give them roller skates make them go downhill You got a thousand fucking mexicans and mixed with water mollins and cubans And god knows what else is in that fucking cage Sweat and all that. They got no t-shirt on They're fucking feces is around. Jesus christ. Whatever the child should feces shit all over the place Fucking bird shit. Just get the door point them in the right direction. Give them eight bucks

Tell them if they come back they're gonna end up in sing sing and let them go That's the worst punishment and fucking keep them in there Breathing their own fucking mexican shitty peanuts whatever the fuck they got in there. No, telomundo Can you imagine being in there? No, I blow nope nowhere to sit fucking. It's amazing. What's going on in this country today But anyway, who gives a fuck about that the real issues are us right now and how we cope with things It's funny. I was talking about frustration, you know, how we all get frustrated with ourselves and uh You know, listen, first you start frustrated Frustration on the system or whatever you're lashing out at your boss or your job

And then you throw the frustration on yourself and it just grows. Okay So now you get out of the frustration zone you have a long talk with yourself You write down what you need to do to change and you put your plan into action Now what's next you got expectations, you know this weekend in charlotte. I learned something I learned that my last year I executed how I wanted I stuck to my plan And now I'm seeing the results In charlotte, I did five shows

And each show was better than the last one. You and you know, I'm honest with you guys I tell you when I when I went to New Orleans, I ain't a bag of shit In columbus, I had good shows but in charlotte For some reason or another my energy was right on Uh the execution the material was right on I even got to improvise the beginning a couple shows because I had some people that I grew up with in the audience And I wanted to explain to them, you know How I incorporate all that into my act and whatnot. I talked about the number one bus and

Growing up with the fucking junkies and all this shit. But my point is this, you know Last year I got the opportunity to shoot a netflix special And you guys were very happy and you guys were very supportive and I tried to work As hard as I thought I could work but I did it all wrong I put different pressures on me from different directions that weren't necessary But that's not here or there the most important thing was what I did about You know when I got on that plane Like I've said a thousand times when you see these guys lose an MMA

And they're sitting on the mat and they're like well, he got knocked out. Why isn't he getting up? He's fine He's hearing a couple birds and shit and his vision is a little fucked up He's thinking about the things that he did wrong. That's what that flight was for me The night after I shot that netflix special and I want to thank netflix for giving me the opportunity everything I just didn't prepare for it the right way mentally And I fucked myself. That's it. It happens in life Even at the 27 year mark economy or the 26 year mark where I was at that time I fucked myself and

That's why we live and we learn You're never going to stop learning If you live every fucking day if you go for it, you're not going to learn but if you live Even if you fail you're going to learn and then you could either give up Or build yourself up and attack that thing that you had and that's exactly what I did I came back And I knew the plan. I knew that the new plan was going to be I was going to try to write one line every day one line

And number two, I was going to try and just perform at the comedy store For some reason I had put a fear in myself about going down to the comedy store and not trying new material I that was all bullshit. Those were excuses. I just gave myself At every level in our lives you give our self excuses It takes things to smack us to get away from those excuses So the last year and you could ask lee you could ask anybody I pretty much Stayed at the store. I think I've done Three maybe four spots outside the store when I'm in LA the store is my fucking grounded when I'm in new york

Yeah, you guys will love to see me at the cellar and I go to the fucking danger fields. Why? Because it's the bottom of the fucking barrel. It's the original room It's eight ten people and you got to work from a different perspective You can't work from the perspective of use of your strength. You have to work from the perspective of your weakness But anyway, when I came back I set a plan in motion, you know, I set the same plan up When I really re-evaluated that That netflix performance and what happened and how I led up to it

It also made me re-evaluate the podcast And we stopped at the marijuana and we stopped at the edibles It made me re-evaluate where I was slipping in a lot of areas And we executed it. I stuck to it. I'm only going to the store I only want to follow delia. I only want to follow Uh alley wong. I only want to follow sebastian. I only want to follow bill burr. I only want to follow Ron white and I only want to follow joe rogan. That's it Plain and simple lately. I've been following teo. That's exactly where I like it. That's even better for me a change in energy

Somebody with a draw, you know, these are the things I forced myself to do Do you know how many nights i'm sitting on my couch at 8 30? And I gotta go do a spot at fucking 10 o'clock and I gotta follow three heaters You know what it takes for me to put my fucking shoes on those nights And you know me, I don't just put my shoes on I take a whole fucking shower and when I'm in the shower I'm actually getting into character preparing to go to the fucking store Preparing like that's how seriously I take the store after 22 years when I go down there. It's to go to fucking war

It's like going to jackson winkel john. It's like going to america's top team You've been fucking around in your garage for years And you got it served you a purpose to a certain level Now you have to force yourself Into that fucking level part of your expectations Is forcing yourself It's not what you want to do what you believe in It's forcing yourself. You know flying fucking sucks

Flying sucks at every fucking level. It's whatever hours of your time going into the unexpected. What's the unexpected? The plane could go down. They might lose your luggage They don't have a part your flight's fucking delayed. You know what I love doing comedy so much I overcome that like it doesn't apply to me when I get on a plane. I go fucking prepared. I bring all my shit So I not not one point. Do I think about what's going on? Right now. I'm on a fucking tube that's closed and I'm flying through the air at 40 000 fucking feet Which is pretty goddamn scary. I don't like doing that But you do it you force yourself to do the things

You don't want to do it's very easy for me To get in my car And drive two miles to flappers and on the way back stop and get a fucking donut And it's even easier for me To go to the fucking ah guys Guess what it's even easier for me to go to the fucking laugh factory Because all I really got to do is fucking go down the hill Hook a fucking left hook a right and I'm right in front of the laugh factor

I pull up I get the little valet 10 bucks and I tell them I'll be out in 15 minutes And still I refuse to go to any of these places Not because they're bad places Not because I don't like the management. I don't like the club. I love the fucking improv's the improv's have made me who I am Workwise I work what 20 weeks a year at a fucking improv But my workout my home my true soul Where I get to be a fucking animal And nobody says a word to me about it is the comedy store

So that's how I wanted to train When I go to the comedy store I go to the comedy store to be a fucking animal when you guys go to like, uh When I used to roof for example, I worked for a company from monday to friday And we did flat roofs for anybody who knows anything about what i'm talking about There's probably roofers listening to me right now. We did flat roofs And we specialize in ballasted roofs Which roofs were made from rubber and then you put rock on them to hold them down

You have to fledger, you know, you have to flash all the The pipes and the fucking air conditioners and the heaters and all that shit But basically You lay the fucking thing down You put the rubber you put rock on top On the weekends I would go to neighborhoods. I would Because in colorado it always hails

I had a wife I had a kid I think at the time as a roofer when I started I made 600 bucks a week I was making 15 bucks an hour Whatever times 40 hours a week, whatever that is You know that's 600 that's 600 a week. I was making 600 a week. That's 2400 a month. They were paying me cash So I was basically making 2400 a month So to supplement my income I would roof on the weekends

And I would roof residential homes, you know A garage with a fucking house an extension Now most people look at those houses a regular roofing company Would look at those houses and say That would if I bid it and I did it it would take me Four days. Well, guess what? Me and another guy would do those houses in two days We would go up there on a fucking Saturday tear off the existing roof

Fucking take all the nails out clean the fucking wood Put the fucking new rubber on it Leave it overnight and the next day come back and put all the shingles on there I don't know how many fucking square feet and how many packages of shingles they were I can't remember now But I know between me and him It was a lot more than what a whole fucking company would do With four guys in four days Okay, when I was doing the rubber roofs

We were doing 40 square yards a day And we were tearing up also we were tearing up a 32 000 year fucking double black tar roof If you're in the business, I don't have to tell you how heavy that is We would cut it into fucking with a a saw into the into the roof Into like five by five pieces and two guys would pick them up and put them on a cart

And another guy would pull the carts to the edge of the roof and throw them off. It was fucking tremendous I was in the best shape my life We would do 40 squares a day That was my brother-in-law and the reason why he 40 to some people you're like joey How many people would you have on this crew? We had five motherfuckers on this crew That's a lot of work every day for fucking for it for five guys, but

If you know anything about my brother-in-law and how good of a worker and a roofer he was We could have probably done 60 squares a day with one extra guy if you were to let him but You have to space out the jobs You have to space out the jobs Unless you're that busy. He wasn't that busy. It was a one-year commitment on this roof So we said fuck it. We'll uh We'll fucking uh, you know take our time on the roof. My point is that

On the weekends, I could have done those rules in four days. I did them in two I went there to work. I knew that I I had to finish this By sunday at seven o'clock for us to get a check because we had regular jobs on fucking monday We had regular jobs on monday at eight o'clock So what i'm trying to say to you is When I went on these jobs on friday on saturdays and sundays, I was a fucking animal We would put the radio on and not even talk to each other. There was no jokes There was no nothing

We would eat on the run like when I went down the stairs and when he would go down the stairs He would go are you hungry? Yeah, bring up a sandwich We wouldn't even take an hour for lunch. We were fucking animals and we didn't give a fuck It was a different games. Do you understand what I'm trying to say when you work for yourself? And when you work for somebody else, it's two different head fucking spaces You'll really learn what labor is So when i'm on the road, it's a different mentality when i'm at the store I'm going down there to try new material

mixed with old material And I got to follow eight fucking killers When i'm on the road, I follow an emcee who's just starting out He may be doing comedy one to two years and I got a feature act in front of me That could be of any denomination. He could be a headliner for all the fuck I know But when i'm at the comedy store, you see five headliners in a row before I go up That's tough work. That's tough work I got to make sure those five guys aren't doing

Something that i'm doing something in the same vein Plus my job when I go to the comedy store As much as I don't want to be as honest about this as I can because I don't want you guys to think for me It's a competition But when I go to the comedy store, there's 200 people in the original room audience And I go there to do one thing and one thing only that's my practice I go there to be remembered I go in there just the same way I go in there for a comedy showcase

I don't go in there to destroy the room I go in there so I stick out from the 12 comics you're about to see that night Are you with me in a way? So what? I understand like I with the roofing it makes sense Like whether with a full-time job, they have to space it out. You they don't want to kill you When you're doing it on the weekends, you only have two days. You want to get it done. I get that Why why why is the mindset different and they're doing a full hour in a club than it is at the store? Because

at the store they're paying $15 And they might not even know I exist they're coming to see crystallia So right so they might go to see bobby lee from mad tv. They might go see ali wang from her movie on netflix When they go to see you on a weekend as a headliner they go specifically to see you Right. So so to me. So to me who has no experience headlining It to me it makes that you'd want to do More like you'd want to do better on the weekend because they're coming for you

I want to do good all the fucking right in my world. Okay at this 28 year mark that i'm doing comedy it's like The godfather said I can't men don't make mistakes women and children make mistakes Men don't make mistakes at this level. I know in my heart that it's a percentage game But at this level I always want to do the best that I can at the store When I go on the road I have to give you 28

dollars to 30 dollars worth of funny Okay, worth of funny When I go to the comedy store I go there to be remembered Got it so So do you think your set might not not that it wouldn't work But it wouldn't it wouldn't feel the same as a headliner like if you did what you did at the store I do what I do at the store for 15 minutes. Okay when I'm in a fucking room. I'm doing 50 minutes. Okay, so it's two different worlds Okay, it's two different comparisons when I go to the store. I take a headline set

And I eliminate all the fat and I just give you points lines. Got When I'm at the club I gotta talk for 15 minutes. So the pacing is different. Got it. I try to keep that pace up I'll have a fucking heart attack that I do at the comedy store. Okay when I go on the comedy store And it's 15 fucking minutes. I go up there to kill that motherfucking audience like I just told you I go up there to be remembered When I go to the comedy club, I want you to remember me But I also want you to say Jesus christ I pay 28 for tickets 10 for parking

50 for cocktails 40 for babysitter And that was a great fucking show That was a great show. I always wanted to give them a great show When I opened for rogan My job per rogan Was for me to destroy the room That was my job

Per rogan for me to go up there and do between 15 And 20 minutes and destroy the room I had a very good mentor I put myself around very good people You know when I was opening up for paul mooney He would tell me to go up there and level the room Most headliners do not want somebody in there

To level the room I want the guy in there to level the room I want the feature act I bring on the road To level the room whether it's dean Or fucko, you know the skinny chick with the skinny pussy k quickly or fucking You know subah Matt full tron fat mole tron or Simone

I encourage them To fucking level the room if not I'd go to fucking what's the open mic that closed In hollywood marty's I go to marty's and take the worst kid and put him in front of me If only look like a star No, I want they're gonna in front of me to shine and I want the mc to fucking shine I want them to get every dollar's worth of a show That's why I like to travel and bring feature acts that I know

From hollywood because I want them to get more value I really like bringing women with me on the road Because a lot of guys bring Dates and the dates look at like they're telling them all about uncle joey's crazy and 10 minutes into my set The date doesn't like me I want the date to get something out of the show the girl in front of him was pretty fucking funny Got it. I want the girl to get something out of the show I just don't want that's why I like women opening up for me because even if they don't like me

The girl says well that girl made me laugh Got so I mean so I guess what what kind of what you're saying is The whatever happens at the store before and after you really doesn't impact you and when you're on the road It's like you're in charge of what I go on the mitzy show constructed the comedy show Stored for it to be a lab For comics It's a college for comics. It's a four year To seven year program. I just heard an interesting article in the la weekly

It was published maybe three years ago About the dude who stuck up for the dude who was hitting mitzy. Who's a great guy? It shouldn't be portraying him like this. Anyway, uh, he always opens up the store every night. He's an old guy Right. Yeah, I forget what his name is. Um, I know you're talking about and he was talking about how The comedy store is a four Argus hamlin great guy phenomenal writer He spoke about how his comedy store Is a four to seven year education

He's not lying And that's after you do five years at your fucking neighborhood comedy club Like it's not just getting on stage there. It's the watching. It's the electricity It's the feeling the vibe When mitzy sure opened up the comedy store. She created To be a four to seven year college in life guys What do you do?

When you want to make the most output out of something, what do you do? You you go to a junior college for a year Then you get into a nice college and then you want to get your masters or your doctorate or whatever the fuck you want to get Or your law degree. It's another three years So it's seven years of your life no matter what you do If you join the fucking navy And you want to fly fucking jets You still got to get a college education

Then it's another six fucking years in the navy before you could fly fucking jets So that's 10 years. You got to be dabbling around. I may be wrong by two years But I think if you're going as a as a college graduate, you're going as an officer So no matter what you pick in this life You're gonna have to put time in And then and when you think about the time you go, oh fuck I'm gonna do it and double that Once you're there, you're enjoying it so much

That you're sitting back and you go. I'm gonna get to that level But for right now, I'm gonna enjoy where I am That's the heart that that for me. That's the hardest thing about almost anything. No, I'm not good at that. That's That's the shit that'll kill you That you have to look at those guys like bill burr and Sebastian and alley wong and joe rogan Or the people that you work with in your field at the top notch in your area and go, guess what? That guy ain't got dick on me

It's just gonna take me 10 years to catch up to that guy But I will be there And the longer that I've been in this town The longer I've seen it. What do you think that fucking DL von just walked here off the field off the plantation in fucking Louisiana DL von's been in LA a long fucking time kicking it around MTV this that DL von has been kicking it around for fucking years

He just didn't walk off the fucking, you know Katrina Lodge You know Bobby Lee has been walking around As long as I've been walking around I still remember Bobby Lee, you know coming up from San Diego. I mean you guys have heard the stories This is a journey You have to look at it and go, hmm interesting

I'm not there But I will be I will be What does it require for me to get there? That's where the notebook and paper are essential Where you have to write down that you want to be Where that do you fucking rip? Guys, I'm a fucking ex fucking cokehead. You guys know that

Do you think in my cocaine stupa? If you guys know anything about cocaine or have you done cocaine or if you have a relative that does cocaine Name fucking the word patients anywhere in that addiction There's no fucking patients in that addiction. That's why you do coke You're sitting around all day and even through the cocaine I had enough logic That I would look at rogan and go I don't know if I'm gonna get there like I would open up for joe when I was opening up for joe

from 2000 To 2010 guys for 10 years Do you guys really think That I had my eyeball on fucking headlining Yeah Not in a million years

I was such a lazy sack of shit That I was pretty content And just featuring for joe People would call me and make me headline and I'd headline But it wasn't something that I was aspiring to do 10 years ago I was very happy opening up for joe Wow

Because I didn't listen. I didn't go to montreal. I didn't go here. I was never included or anything All I was doing was book and movie somebody put a thing on facebook the other day on one of the church pages that They can't believe how much tv I've done over the years and then now when they see me it tickles right from law and order svu to The meatball king on the kids show to the I did all the wizards away the lee I did fucking, you know cold case

I did all those shows on cbs and I did co-stars on all those fucking things and people Scare tactics has been playing a lot lately. Okay, and I did four I did four or five episodes of scare tactics. Maybe they've been playing lately and people have been hitting me. Oh my god I got home fucked up the other night. I saw you an episode of scare tactics So you were they hid the cocaine in the cars and I had to get the cocaine from the kid It was me The episode I taped the other night because at the other night I couldn't sleep and I woke up And the episode was just about to come on

Of me and the guy who shoots tony montana in the bar in scarface Who I talked about the story that he was an extra that's how I found out because I got to work with him on scare tactics He owned the garage some guy came in For a job they gave him a job and then he finds cocaine at door panels So he tells the guy from scarface While the guy from scarface goes to call the cops I come in with another bodybuilder guy and I tell the guy it's my coke

We're gonna shoot him and the kid's fucking shaking. Oh my god. Oh, they showed the other one when I went into The kid goes but my dead grandmother and I'm like fuck your dead grandmother. They beep out The fuck your dead grandmother. It's It's ridiculous and I was thinking about when I was doing those shows It had to be 2002 2003 2004 here. I was doing movies tv Opening for joe and I knew the producers of that show

So they would just call me and say you available next week. Yeah, we're gonna write a sketch for you So they would just write sketches for me. I would fly from burbank to vegas. They would shoot They would shoot on thursdays I would go from burbank to vegas on wednesday Spend the night get fucking hammered. They would give me per diem like 65 bucks per diem I buy a half gram of coke and a pack of cigarettes and I fucking Shoot the next day and then they give me 65 dollars per diem again

And then they used to be a club in chicago and they used to have a direct flight from vegas To chicago. Okay, and I would riddles Kj riddles was the name but it's closed now, but kenny's still alive and kicking. He looks good. God bless him Riddles used to book me for 800 a weekend for four shows to headline And I was friday susan friday saturday friday saturday And it was fucking king because across the street was white castle. Oh, sure next to it was shaking baked Oh, it's taking shakes taking shake whatever the fuck it is And then down the block was the whole town. I had a sushi place and every time you ate the sushi in chicago

It's not bueno You wake up with splinters in your throat and shit. Oh my god and monkey shells and you got a rash But I would destroy and then there was a cheesecake a cheese steak place Okay, like those sausage sandwiches. Yeah that would deliver and they were fantastic And I had because I had such a great relationship with them But I called them as soon as I landed in the hotel the steak and cheese place the steak and cheese place And they deliver a sausage sandwich You know the hot beef with the sausage. Yeah and the combo and the guy and I would give him an extra 20

Give me a couple pills and Ten dollars worth of marijuana and he'd make me a pipe out of aluminum foil at the restaurant Oh my god, that's how many times I would go to chicago To kj riddles. Holy shit And you were in and at that point and I was headlining you could see yourself doing that for the rest of your life Oh, yeah, I was that much of a fucking dead Dead piece of shit like as long as I did cocaine Got a couple gigs at rogan got a couple headlining gigs here and there from time to time

To make like eight or nine hundred hours for the weekend. I'd be happy Wow, so you kind of I mean it wasn't I guess patience isn't the word you were content, but talk how I got no parents. I lost a little fucking girl. I lost a daughter because I was a loser I went to prison where In my mindset Was I prepared for today? I never saw

Me headlining and people buying tickets in my life. I was lucky enough Just to be included I was content just being a regular at the store opening up for joe Doing little spots. I was very content It was never really about the money at all For me, I could look at you guys and tell you listen

It was such a struggle for years. I'd give it up on money 20 years ago And I was probably in those days I was cracking anywhere from 80 to 100 grand a year I would bust out a $20,000 deal from somebody and the rest I'd make acting and doing stand-up comedy And the acting in those days I was getting 1250 1750 You know for spider-man. I got 600 a day

I mean there was no money when acting for me Everybody else is making all this exuberant money. I was a shit heel. I got scale on everything, you know, but I fucking worked so Like what what when do you think being content goes from a good thing to holding you back? Do you think like do you think? Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. We all get in a comfort zone We all get in a comfort zone and sometimes life throws you into the fucking lion's cage You know, I love to you know, listen life threw me into the lion's cage

But one day I got out And I went back into the lion's mouth put his chair down and sat down I did it on my turn, right? There's two different ways you go on the lion's cage You could go into the lion's cage on your terms or on their terms, right? We all go into the lion's cage on their term Eventually, okay, and then it's our job to get ourselves out of the lion's cage Go back in there tell the lion shut up sit down open your mouth. I'm putting my fucking dick in your mouth So you're always gonna be in the lion's cage It's your job to get out and then go back there and you set the fucking rules, right? I didn't know that either

I didn't know that You know, I didn't know that either For years I depended on comment on but that's a lie because in 2002 I was I was doing my own auditions. I was hustling my own scripts I had taken my hustle as an actor to a different fucking level That's why when you look at my IMDb, you see tons of work, right?

And there's tons of shit that didn't get reported Tons of shit that I think about what the fuck ever happened to like reddit that's correct, so if you do if you want my take this out, I'll tell you it's crazy that we're talking about this because some I've been thinking about something and I I want I need to be careful about how I say it Because I don't want I don't want anyone to think of that. I'm ungrateful because you

Doing this and meeting you has changed my life But you said something about a year ago on the podcast that I've been thinking about you said you just off hand You said like in a year or two you won't be able to do the podcast You're gonna have to if you want to do comedy you're gonna have to go out on the road and And like the new york trip and san francisco really opened my eyes to show me what was available And I The thing that has been going through my brain the last couple weeks is

Am I content like because I'm I'm nowhere near ready to I'm not gonna make a living being a comic If I was gonna be on the road, I'd be driving lift and doing postmates and Renting a room for a couple months in a different city But just You saying that a year ago. I've been thinking about it. I'm like Is it is it now am I? Because I am very content and what I do I do like this. I like getting to meet people getting to do this and and doing spots around la

But when is the when is the right time when when do I go into the law like tigers down like it's kind of a This is all decision you have to make This is what nobody could tell you Nobody could tell you anything One morning you wake up your two feet hit the ground You go pee And you say I'm going for this

And I'm not looking back You know In 1995 I was forced to do something I never dreamt of doing I never ever ever ever in my life Dreamt of it. I thought I would live in boulder boulder In 1995 was a different community It was a little small and it was no traffic And in my world I could have saw myself

Dying there like I really could have saw myself dying there, but there was a problem The problem of boulder I I didn't have a college degree So my jobs were limited I had the sports betting service But I worked for and they gave me a job and which gave me the opportunity Between us sitting here as family Gave me the opportunity there were guys there making 200,000 a year And taking the summer off in the early 90s

Early 90s there were guys making 200,000 in that office and quitting on April 15th And having made june july off and coming back august 15. Fuck not bad 200,000 dollars a year I could see myself do that. I just couldn't see myself making 200,000 a year Really? Yeah, like I My my thinking was shot

You know like I was a felon. I had all these strikes against me You know my parents Just I had all this Stinking thinking I had all this shit This mental baggage that I was carrying that would never thought that I would be one of the top salesmen in there But to to get back to what we were talking about I knew in bolder I really wanted to do comedy

I had failed at everything else Or not even failed at everything else. There was nothing else. I really wanted to do When I It took me a month To make my decision That I had to leave bolder because I was going to end up in jail I was going to do something stupid They were going to force my hand that I knew it. I know me

And then life to those signs at you You know, I'm writing that book right now and it's like The Sacred Heart School for Boys I went to was an orphanage the fucking the fucking Street we moved on giving that terrace before it was giving that terrace. It was giving that orphanage And it fucking burnt down We lived close to a cemetery, you know

The girl telling me how mother died in the eighth grade all these things Were a sign to me that I was going to lose somebody very special to me. I was always around death, you know And I didn't see the signs because I was a youngster and I didn't like thinking about death You know, but in life life gives you signs The first fucking sign I had was april of 95 when it was I got thrown out of the fucking comedy works

I got banned and then maybe You know a month before after that maybe like March was when I smacked john in the face And I saw my little girl crying in the car And I got in the car and I and I it made me feel good about who I was But I saw what I didn't want for my daughter, you know at that time

I didn't want to grow up like me and anger and fighting with parents. I didn't want that. So that was the first sign The second sign was getting thrown out of the comedy works And then the third sign was I met a girl I went on the road and I met a girl and she was going to seattle And there was something about me that I always wanted to go to seattle and do comedy. I don't know what it was When when I asked her where she was moving I wanted her to say seattle and she said seattle And I almost shit my pants

Number three there were there were three signs and then I went into the reality of it The reality was I was a fucking loser And county was the only I could do And if I stayed there Nothing good was gonna happen Yeah, I might have ended up a local comic and Maybe I would have opened up for the Denver Nuggets and maybe they could have been a lot of options But I didn't see any of them. I saw an old future

Trying to do what I loved and being at war with somebody at the same time Right. I got in my fucking car And it was the hardest drive of my life I was leaving a place that I lived there for 13 years It was a huge part of my childhood I had grown up there. I had gone to prison there. I got married there There was so much of an emotional attachment to me being there, but at the same time I really wanted to pursue this

I didn't want to pursue stardom. I didn't want to pursue Hollywood. I just wanted to let me know That I could stick with something and that I could be a productive member of society What's a productive member of society a guy that makes 40 000 a year pays taxes and doesn't get in trouble That's all I wanted And I thought that comedy could get me out of trouble It pulled me out of Boulder when I sit here Across from you and I tell you that I've been on a boulder for 24 years And that I cannot ever believe I found the strength to left boulder to leave boulder

I could use New Jersey as a comparison in 1983, but who am I kidding? I was forced to leave I forced myself to leave Boulder was where you are right now When you called me from new york What did I said to you you're having a good time and I go you're seeing how normal people live Right. You're seeing how you should be living Don't worry about the money. It all happens. They'll come to you there This is how you should be living

You shouldn't be talking the Chodeas or Steve Simone or these guys because there's nothing they can do for you But ruin you you have to talk to people who are your age and going through what you're going through When you're at these fucking places birds and these places You're talking to people who are trying to be movie stars, right? They're not trying to be Down in dirty comedians. They don't want to learn the mechanics of comedy They're trying to cut through and I'm not saying all those people. No, no People here are 40% of those people are throwing a cut through

To the fast track to get to a place. I came from a place where nobody spoke about that All we focused on was on stand-up comedy, right? So, yeah, I expect you any day to go. I've been thinking about it I want to be a stand-up comic I need to go to new york or I need to go to san francisco and banging out with kids my age The natural evolution is I'm married. I have a family You know, I've been here 22 years. I have the comedy store. I'm already established as a comic

You're trying to do the same thing This is a place that you can get established here We've had 15 guests who have done comedy and la and established here um I think for you would be better to go to new york I I knew you're closer to your mother new york would be tough just because how expensive it is What my what everybody says expensive listen every place is expensive, right? Especially when you're doing comedy But three thousand dollars could be a lot

Or three thousand dollars could be a little Always remember that that's your choice When you look at things three thousand could be a lot or three thousand could be a little You know, if you have to move to fucking jamaica queens And we'll be yourself into manhattan to fucking You know or whatever the fuck however you want to do it uber and then park your car and then take a train You'll figure it out When you want to do something that bad

That you really really want to do this you'll figure it out. All right You'll figure it out, you know Everybody has that time in their life when they have to you know, and it doesn't work for everybody There's people who are very close with their families And I appreciate that and I understand that and I know where you're coming from But there's other people who have a dream And it's uncontrollable and they want to go for it whether it be a dancer in vegas

Whether it be doing theater in new york, whether it be doing theater in chicago, you know Me I wouldn't want to be in this market for stand-up when i'm starting out Right because I have so much unnecessary chatter That you need to hear and even even without that the thing that I noticed because i'm very lucky for for for the level that i'm at I've gotten to do great shows that most people don't But it's still limited because there's so many amazing comics here The the shows that I got to do in those two cities Are about I did about a month's worth of shows in a weekend

and so what What my thought process was because like what you were saying about being like I This has been so important and special to me that I never want to leave here Having any issue with you or with the church like that that would never be that's that's what i'm trying to avoid but Like what I would I've also only I'm 31 I'm gonna be 31

And I've only really seen boston in la And being in those two cities showed me how much more there is And you've talked about like texas. I've like what if I spent a year in texas? What if I spent six months in denver? What if I went to St. Louis and spent three months, you know, I went to New York to the the film And I saw two people in New York that I was very happy to see And I let them know it I let them know it to their face and why

And that was bob biggestav And the girl I can't think of her name right now. That's very funny I did comedy both with those guys 20 years ago in houston And they got really stuck And i'm not saying nothing negative about houston. No, it was a good comedy scene. It was a great comedy scene But a certain negativity went over the scene And bob biggestav decided to pick up and go to new york I cannot tell you how happy I am

And if anybody knows bob let him know I can't believe how proud I am Because I know how tough of a decision it is to pick up and leave I know it but And there is never a mistake Always remember that there's never a mistake you left for a fucking reason there's never a mistake You don't you make it work because your dream overpowers the mistake It's never a mistake. I could look you's all in the eye and tell you when I went to ask him the first time It wasn't a mistake when I went to den for the second time boulder was the mistake

When I left boulder for seattle Jesus christ you've heard the stories here Wasn't a mistake and when I left seattle for la even though even though I was not prepared Even though I was not prepared for my journey for la I know in my heart at that eight year mark. I had put my time in I had really really really put my time in But do I look back at any of those I'm fucking the static that I went

And I I made it work When I went to seattle I went with a girl. I was broke But guess what bitch no matter how broke I was I still got on stage six times the first week And I got to seattle on the saturday and by friday I had my first paid gig I let it be known that I was there one day at that open mic And I went back that tuesday and let it be known again And that thursday I got a call from john fox or from me mosco idol with uh Vince valenzuela. I still remember him. He's still my buddy on facebook

And me and vince drove to mosco idol and did friday and saturday That's how you A change of scenery invigorates you You know, it just does something to you was I I have nothing But admiration for the Denver scene that I left the comedy scene. There was nothing wrong with I left Denver because of personal reasons I left Denver because I couldn't cope with a fucking divorce But I knew exactly where my head was comedy wise

So when you get up when you're ready to fucking make the move There is no looking back. There is no windshield wiper. There's no feds following you you make sure there's no ghosts following you You put your head down. You served your time. You did what you had to do when you go I'm not I would never be mad at you that no, but none of these people would be mad at you Nothing Because you're making a move to better yourself Okay, you know, we've always discussed it here Lee you look like a pavarote

Yeah, you're here and you go to your apartment and then you drive a mile to the fourth wall I've told you for years that I live in a fucking jail. I live in a four block radius I go to a gym I go to a coffee shop I go to cryo I go to a weed store and I go to jiu-jitsu and kickboxing and i'm back home Every once in a while, I go to eat to get something to eat for breakfast But I live in a prison also when I went to new york this year it opened my eyes at a lot of levels

It opened my eyes on things I wanted to do and didn't want to do but But i'm here and right now I can't think for me. I have to think about a family Right, so I just can't pick up and leave to go to new york because they're shooting film in new york now You know, it's only a friend of mine today. It's busy as hell in the east coast right now I understand But I can't go home and just take my daughter out of a schedule Because of me. I have to think of three people You you're single you're dirty and you got the world by the balls

It's time to look down and venture Or stay here and make the best of your time No matter what you decide on If you really want to be a comic It's time to downsize Take a look at your possessions And say this is what I want to do for the next five years It's a five-year plan and those five years

I'm gonna hit every state except hawaii and fucking alaska Right, but I'm gonna hit every fucking state And if I got to do temp work in Idaho, I'll do temp work If I got to stop in texas and get on the ship for 30 days I'll get on the ship for 30 days And then load barges if it makes my comedy career that much easier down the line I'll do I did everything I sold insurance on the phone I fucking did industrial commercials for AT&T

Whatever made my dream possible. I delivered chinese food. I sold coke while I delivered chinese food I did construction, you know, whatever you have to do To get your dream going. That's what makes those jobs easier that this isn't what you want to do all your life What about the guy that you're making sandwiches with that subway? This is his life You know that you're doing it for six months in the Bronx But in six months, I'm gonna be doing all these little gigs around the five barrels And I'm gonna be picking up 50 bucks. Don't give yourself an unrealistic goal and go I'm gonna be at the county cell every night with louis ck

that that's why I was Because I loved new york But that's why I was like, you know what maybe maybe new york is a couple years away Just because I can see how competitive it is And I loved doing all the spots, but I the only person who paid me in new york was louis gave me a couple books for each set and uh Felipe Out of just out of the kindness of his heart. He didn't have to so yeah, so that's it. Yeah, there's no money. Right. That's not

so like I was thinking like a of the all the other places and just uh Really really letting my comedy grow like I felt like it would give me opportunity to have new experiences to to to draw on And and you know, I'd be when you go to a camp you get so good Why is that when I would go to a basketball camp for a week Or a football camp for a week or you go to a math camp for a week You really make a huge improvement because you're thinking about it for 24 hours like There's nothing else. That's all you're thinking about

I didn't like my experience in new york in 93 I didn't take full potential Of my comedy experience, but the experience I did take The what I did do I wasn't very happy with I really wasn't happy with just because I didn't get the most of it, but I knew I wasn't going to get the most out of me. It was I don't like to say the word competitive. It was just tough

It was tough. You have to bring people you got to meet people. You got to know people You got to get up to brooklyn. You got to get up to queens. You got to get up to long island You got to go to where the action is The first two or three years And I had too much stuff going on. I had a divorce going on You know, I had a lot of shit on my plate at the time, right? So it wasn't going to work for me. I had to be hands-on. I wanted to be a dad That all fucked up and I fucked that up, but the main point being that's what new york is

When you want to be a good comic Our biggest example for me is bill burr. He was here Ba-ba-ba the show went down. He went to new york. He put his head down and he started at danger fields And that was you know a three-year five-year plan You know, this is a five-year plan when you join the service you join for how long? I don't know four or five years I think it's two now. You have a mandatory option to I think you have an option to get out after two But it's four years

Everything you look at it's four or five six years So you have to look at it put your head down make the best of your time And know that you're putting in the work every day So there's no frustrations And you got to keep your expectations in the check I can't say these in a year. I'm going to be performing in the main room every People's expectations are fucking out of their minds

And then they put their expectations so high that when they don't hit them they quit all together Now you quit all together No, your expectations should be small You should have goals You should hit all your goals every week every week is the same Every week is the same when I was in denver. I had a schedule Monday the Australian bar and fucking whatever that thing was close to wyoming Tuesday was the county works

Wednesday was club 56 and club 52 Thursday was El Torrito Friday was a guest spot. It was a two-hour fucking drive But it was a guest spot and sunday was a fucking bar at eight o'clock That followed a dine dancing class in our vat of colorado And that's what it was. I didn't miss it for anything I didn't miss it for anything. I snorted coke. Yeah when I finished there. Oh, yeah I did more drugs and fucking whoopee goberg and whatever

But that I did I stuck to that every day if you ask me what I do every week Today I do the same shit every week Monday I lift Tuesday at box Wednesday at moe time Thursday I lift Friday at jujitsu Saturday I take off with the family sunday I go to open mat You know, I write every day any day. I don't have to be somewhere at 12 I'm at the coffee shop at nine writing. Why because it's a discipline. It's a discipline You got to get out. It's a discipline. You can write. Yeah, but I can write in my house

You're not gonna write in your house. You got to get out You got to get out to invest that time, you know All these things are a discipline. This is what you are your own personal CEO Everybody wants to be a CEO You're the CEO of you You're the CEO of you Does the CEO do the same shit every day at five that guy's got a both time million Company at five every day. He's at the fucking gym. You know, what does that take?

He's in bed every night at 10. He doesn't care if surely he's gonna suck his dick He doesn't care Tony's gonna fuck him in the ass. He doesn't care if the Boston Celtics are playing He doesn't give a fuck if new england is playing He doesn't give a fuck if it's his mother's his wife's mother's birthday. He's a better It nothing changes nothing changes. It's the same shit until you get to that destination Then once you get to that destination, you rewrite it. Okay, I don't need to do this anymore But I still need to do that. It's a constant evaluation And that's why expectations

should be attainable just like goals and If you do the work you'll attain them and you won't get fucking frustrated And that's the formula for the fucking week this week. Like I said this week we have a Another podcast on Wednesday and Thursday We didn't need to do this podcast that I could have held you off to Wednesday But no, I do the same shit every fucking week

Then like that, there's no misunderstandings when you sell shit on the phone Whether it's insurance or stocks or bonds you have a script Okay, I'll leave you with this. You have a script You get comfortable with the script and you become the salesman of the month and then one day you go You know what? I got smart. I'm not going to use the script no more And you don't use the script anymore And your sales go down and you go, what the fuck did I do? Why am I sales going down because you went off script?

Your life has a fucking script from Monday to Sunday. You should have a script and it's I don't you know what? I know it's boring And I know you really don't like doing it, but it's the same shit every week For you to look up and go in five years. I'm gonna be where that guy is This is what you need to do in five years and guess what? You probably won't be where that guy is in five years. That's the joke But then you'll reevaluate and go I'll be there in three years And I'm gonna continue doing what I'm doing

Just a little fucking harder And that's it and that's that motherfuckers. Okay. Do not forget July 27th. I'm doing the uh Working out with uncle joey at the ice house And then august 9th. I'm at the Lincoln theater in washington dc There's still a couple tickets left to borgata on the 10th is all sold out I'm only doing one show because I got a bunch of family coming down real quick Before before I get out of your fucking hair. I want to thank our sponsors number one being on it

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Go to audit.com right now when you're checking out press in church chur ch And then 10% Delivered right to lakaza number two I want to thank zipper crew. Listen. It's hard out there hiring people you and I both know it hiring is challenging But there's one place you could go where hiring is simple fast and smart a place where growing businesses connect Connect qualified candidates that place is zip recruiter.com Listen hiring used to be hard multiple job sites stacks of resumes

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ready to go and don't forget The 27th at the ice house on a saturday night 7 30 Zip zip you in and out of there and then all I got left is august 9th at the Lincoln theater in dc I'll see you motherfuckers there stay black have a phenomenal week And I'll see you guys thursday morning. Love you I want to be around To pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart

Some somebody twice as smart As I Or somebody who Will swear to be true as you used to do with me Who'll leave you to learn that misery loves company Wait and see I mean I want to be around To see how he does it when he breaks your heart two bits

Let's see if the puzzle fits So fine And that's when I'll discover that revenge is sweet As I sit there applauding from a front row seat When somebody breaks your heart like you Like you profile