Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #709 - Joey Diaz on Ego

Episode Date: August 13, 2019

Joey Diaz talks with Lee about ego and how he works hard to not let it into his professional and personal life.  This podcast is brought to you by:  ForHims- Go to ForHims.com/joey to get your first month for just $5 while supplies last.  CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies go to CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.   

greetings from podcastville it's Tuesday the 13th of August the podcast is brought to you by four hymns.com listen to me four hymns is a one-stop shop for hair loss skincare and sexual wellness for men summertime is here while you may be breaking out the baseball cap for a day at the beach of the ballpark if you're wearing it to hide that thinning hair or that little ball spot those days are over with don't sweat hair loss this summer do something now while you can go to four hymns.com listen four hymns provides well-known generic equivalents to name brand prescriptions to help you keep your hair no snake or pills no

gas station counter supplements prescription solutions backed by science now the church family can get a trial month or four hymns I saw them on TV last night this is a real deal company understand me for $5 for a trial offer today while supplies last go to the website for full details and safety information listen this would cost your hundreds if you went to a doctor or a pharmacy but Uncle Joey's make it easier for you by just going for four hymns.com slash Joey that's four hymns for HMS.com slash Joey that's it it's nice and easy four hymns.com slash Joey the church is also brought to you by the

best motherfucking CBD oil out there CBD lion.com they make CBD products from start to finish CBD lion has you covered go to CBD lion.com right now and check out the third-party lab results let me explain something I feel the fucking difference you understand me I feel it in me the lotion I rub it on my knees when I come out of the shower I feel the fucking difference go to CBD lion.com right now press in church and check out and they're gonna take care they leave you 20% off okay try the tincture try the 500 or a thousand milligram tincture you put that under your fucking tongue before you go to bed you wake up with a

heart on that feels like a bottle rocket you understand me go to CBD lion.com right now Lee kick this motherfucking mule baby boy Tuesday motherfucking morning it's over here we go cocksuckers and you thought it was gonna be a fucked up day uncle Joe is here the Christ Killers here what I go on and on I can't understand how I last so long what I must have superpowers rap 225,000 hours get a calculator do the math I made a thousand songs that made you move you and for the last 300 months I made 16

albums with me on the front and they bomb what get your beats I heard 93 are you kidding me or what? grab your balls cocksuckers a little too short for you cocksuckers what what's my favorite wire why they gotta say it like short you know they can't play on my court can't hang with the big dogs stay on the porch blow the whistle what? hit it fuck them they're gonna suck your fucking dick today do it are you nuts are you fucking nuts welcome to the church of what's happened now uncle Joey here it's a solo podcast the way you like it today it'll be a

fucking quick one in out no fucking drama just let you know what's on the mind had a great time in DC at the Lincoln Theater in Atlantic City at the I want to thank everybody who came out to Lincoln Theater Friday night and to the boy God in Atlantic City as you saw we were back pitches the set was good the energy is good we're on fucking fire the comedy so the plan is working that's the most important thing I had a plan when I got off that plane after I shot the Netflix special and it's working just go to the store keep becoming a fucking savage keep that momentum up I'm not going anywhere else to weaken me

nothing just straight up fucking comedy store following Sebastian Ron White Dahlia Rogan all those fucking animals and guess what if you keep fucking sure you don't you sharpen metal with motherfucking metal but anyway now that we got that over with I had a great weekend I'm happy you guys came out we're getting ready for a new fucking week want to talk to you about a few things last episode we spoke a little bit about respect you know respect for others respect for yourself and all that bullshit but there's a part of this that that Saturday night Atlantic City when I got off stage bunch of my

friends are there who I hadn't seen from a charity the Ralph Fusso to little McNeil I mean I saw a lot of fucking cats you know and thank you very much for always supporting me North Bergen with all my heart thank you Union City West New York Hudson County's always got my motherfucking back since day one but what I was talking one of the guys he said to me you know it's so funny that you came out here and that you're hanging that you're talking it's fucking dynamite and I'm like why would it be you know why wouldn't I come on talk to you guys you know you guys are the ones that kept me together like I've told you

a thousand times you know God took my family but he showed me to get the friendship and he showed it to me through these guys you know and whatever they knew they knew me at my lowest fucking point they knew me when I was robbing and stealing and fucking cheating and fucking snorting and you know I would sell my soul and I did I ended up fucking doing time for it but they knew me at my lowest point you guys met me in between and you guys have checked me and kept me fucking honest the last seven eight years we've been doing a podcast because I got to walk the walk you know it just can't fucking talk to

talk so it's so weird because at first I didn't think about it I go why would it be weird he goes ah well you got the movies no I go listen man this is what keeps me honest is that I keep in touch with those guys any time I've gone off the reservation is because I wasn't keeping time I only went off the reservation one time in this town and that's after I shot the longest yard and it was set and doosed like it was the people on the set telling me what was gonna happen once this movie came out so it set expectations for me and I started acting a little bit fucking weird but going back to Jersey and walking

those streets reminded me you know sometimes you listen to the podcast I know a lot of yous complain oh well Joey you talk about the past and the stories when I wake up in the morning when I'm peeing and I'm fucking cheering myself on for the day as I'm walking there's a bit of that walk that I think about you know being in prison or I think about sleeping in that rocket ship or I think about fucking sleeping in a bus you know headed to a gig in Buffalo or something like that I think about my lowest points so I'm kept in check ego is something that I've always fucking hated I've always hated people with

egos and I've always watched them and I've seen their destruction little by little because ego will fuck you up whether you're a fucking plumber a car salesman a comic a musician I mean how many great bands have been broken up by egos I'll tell you three of them the Eagles was an ego game not as much as the police and Pink Floyd I love Roger Waters I'm not saying nothing bad about Roger Waters but his fucking ego read his interviews you know listen to his you know his ego like with like the creation of the wall he was saying you know what I don't mind doing shows I just don't like the fucking fans if I could build a

wall between me and the fans who would say something like that who would say something like that the fans keep your fucking lights on but his ego was so strong a clash with Gilmore is done another great band that's done because the ego the police fucking that's saying has the biggest fucking ego I just watched him two years ago one night on one of those late night shows and he whipped out a fucking harmonica and he's like I'm doing a album and a tour on harmonica you know why because he was sitting around drinking wine with a bunch of his jerk off friends and instead of somebody saying do me a favor

put the fucking harmonica away they fucking told them that it was great what a great idea so now for fucking a summer this morning went out and played the fucking harmonic on tour like but is if you watch his interviews the whole thing his ego is fucking huge how do you and maybe just learning how to but how do you balance because to be an entertainer you have to have some ego don't you like it's it seems like you have to have a little bit of where the ego comes from okay okay like I said earlier for a guy like me I remind myself every day who the fuck I was and that keeps me in check when I shot the

longest shard I was a little fucked up but it's not like I was throwing water at people people to fetch me a water I just it was an ego of expectations like I had something coming to me there's different types of ego there's you know some people call white privilege that's a type of ego you know there's different fucking egos and you see him in people you know again nothing racist a great person once told me that never give a Spanish person or a black person to manage his job at Burger King and I I thought it was like a joke and I thought about it because their egos go out of fucking control they can't control their

ego you know your ego will make you buy a fucking house like Michael Jackson your ego you know it's not that Michael Jackson went on an interview and said he was the greatest of all time people like Kanye West do that and affects people people get pissed off you know all that type of shit you never heard Biggie Small say it or you know but for some people they don't have to say it's the way they walk it's the way they talk I cannot tell you you know between bands like music bands you know no these are just Richie Blackmore had a bad ego with Deep Purple and then he carried that bad ego into fucking Rainbow and Dio and

fucking all the bands he had with singers he had an amazing fucking you know an ego you know I'm not staying in the same hotel as the other guys that shit is fucking ego now ego is very helpful and if you back it there's nothing wrong with it and you know what you will back it for a long time but after that it becomes something else you know in I don't know what year the football playoffs Hollywood Henderson was gonna play against that he was playing for the Dallas Cowboys and they were gonna play in the Denver Broncos and the Denver Broncos was known for their defense and before the game fucking you know the

Denver Broncos were like either sponsored or the stadium was sponsored by orange crush or some shit and that's what they called the defense and they showed Hollywood Henderson an interview drinking an orange crush and when he finished it he squished a can okay that was and that Sunday in the Super Bowl he intercepted a ball and he scored a touchdown his ego he told you he was gonna fucking be a bad motherfucker and he was a bad motherfucker his ego came through I have nothing wrong with that but what happened to him later on his ego mixed with the cocaine got him thrown out of the fucking NFL so

somewhere along the line that ego is gonna fuck you ego is good for some things listen before I go on stage I'm thinking I'm gonna bomb and then where there's one minute as they're calling my name when I'm falling apart inside what do you think drives me to that fucking stage you know what fuck you you pussy motherfucker go up there you've done this a thousand times stop being a little fucking pussy stop being a little cunt get on that stage and kill these motherfuckers that is ego but it's ego because I put 28 years into it so the ego is back it's like fucking for him's it's backed by science it's the same

fucking deal with that ego as an artist you know me fucking comedians I've seen lose their mind because of ego and you see it start to creep up and hopefully they do a film something outside their genre that is ego driven and have you ever seen when a comic has negative press in the news about a show or like a movie performance that checks their ego that checks your ego when I'm not talking bad about it or not saying nothing negative here but I'm sure that Tiffany Addish didn't feel good after what happened New Year's Eve in Miami I'm sure I know Tiffany Addish on a personal level I'm sure but in the back of her

mind how when you have a busy movie career and you don't have time to go to the store what to go out at night and when you do you're fucking too tired because you've been on six days or shooting 14 hour days she took the gig because she said I've done this a thousand times went down there you guys were expecting John Mulaney and she showed up talking and right away Miami started booing her whatever I wasn't there all I'm telling you is what I saw that's an ego driven move but that's an ego driven move by somebody not saying fuck these bitches I know Tiffany Addish on a personal level it was just that

Tiffany Addish didn't have time to work out I was here I see Tiffany Addish going out constantly lately she hasn't been out she's probably shooting fucking three movies but at the same time ego and patting yourself on the back there's nothing wrong with it there's a level of comics right that there's a level of content that I saw this I saw this a lot I had a dear dear dear dear friend here for years I love them with all my heart great comic fucking superb writer he wasn't overly exciting on stage but he was a phenomenal writer he knew how to write I mean the guy sold scripts the guy sold the TV show he was a phenomenal

writer there's no reason why that guy shouldn't be here today but do you talk you want me to tell you how his ego was fanned let me tell you how his ego got flamed he would open up for two people in particular and there were huge acts and part of his deal was that he would write for them help them write their act if he could feature for them and they paid him a little actually cut himself a nice little deal and he would watch the headliner and write jokes for the headliner and insert tags and lines and different things to help the headliner out but after the show he would be standing there you know the headliner

would be selling t-shirts and he'd be standing there like a morto von which I did for years and when I opened for Joe Rogan and you see people go up to Rogan shake his hand tell him how much they loved him he was great and then they'll walk over to me and they would go hey Matt you did a great job and then they would come over and whisper in my ear and now as a young comic you could take that two ways you could understand what just happened this is a guy that was a fan of Rogan's and he wanted to talk to Rogan so he blew smoke up his ass and now to either make me feel right make me feel you know okay about myself or

whatever he comes over and blows some smoke in my ass now I could have gone home that night called my wife and said hey you're not gonna believe this I fuck it was up on stage or Rogan tonight 20 people fucking told me well let's say three people came up to me and said that I'd exaggerate and said 40 people came up to me and told me I was better than Rogan all five fucking shows fuck this I'm not opening for him no more I'm gonna go do my own fucking thing do you understand I didn't do that because I knew they were blowing smoke up his ass I watched it you know the same reason why I did not like the Carlos Mencia

feud with Rogan I saw how club owners were acting when Rogan came to town they talked bad about Carlos and Carlos came to town they talk a bad about Rogan it's a business what the fuck do you expect when you get to that town you're the best fucking thing on sliced bread because you're making that club owner money but once you leave he's got to play that same fucking game with the comic that's coming in and I get listen you know this going in so don't ever feel bad whatever you do whether you're playing professional sports whether you're an artist whether you're a fucking comic whether you're an actor don't

ever feel bad when you realize that you're just a fucking meatbag with eyes something that I've noticed with you and tell me if I'm wrong is you you definitely take stand-up seriously but to me I think the difference between you and some people as you you treat it like it's a job still and some people go I'm an artist I gotta I deserve this or like to you it's still like this is just what I do for a living and and it's a little bit more black and white it seems like so you don't leave the room for you get a little till the ego come in because it's just that's just a job well when you realize that you listen when you go

to the comic store and you look at the picture of the you look at the walls you know and you see the comics that have been there before you you're gonna find three or four comics that you either resemble body wise shape wise the way your material is whatever and then you realize that you're just replacing a void okay you're just replacing a void I'm not ashamed to say this I'm not ashamed to say this okay one of the funniest guys I ever saw on stage was Patrice O'Neill serious straight up gangster good guy on an offstage would make you laugh offstage like he did on stage was totally free there's a special

he did the elephant in the room or something like that white elephant I guess it's one of the best fucking specials I've ever seen in my life okay let's be honest and God rest his soul and God rest Ralphie so most of the people that are coming to see me today are coming to see me because there's no Patrice and there's no Ralphie that's what you think really the people were all in that same category you know they still have to fill the void I feel that void right now in two years it'll be somebody else filling the void but I know this going in when I got to the store I would look at Noe Gonzalez and

see Angel Salazar when I'd see Ralphie May you ever go to the back of the comedy store there's a picture of a big fat guy getting out of a car he was about 500 pounds I have to look for what his name is I'll point it out to you going tonight to the kitchen look at the back there's a guy with a cowboy hat getting out of a car he's 500 pounds Ralphie replaced him you know when John Panette was on the downslope who was hot Ralphie so everything we're just replacing a void once you know all these things going in why do you think I talked about knowing things going in knowing what your value is going in

knowing who the fuck you are when you go in knowing where you stand keep your fucking mouth shut all these things are part of it knowing who the fuck you are knowing what you stand for you listen I heard an expression when I was 13 years on I still use it today and I use it on myself we all put our pants on one leg at a time you know that's why to me when I saw Richard Gears a kid I didn't go up to him and get an autograph and get a fucking picture that's why all those things because at the end of the fucking day whether it's Roberto Clemente it's Hollywood Henderson it's Leia Coca it's Ross Perot all the guys I look up

there at the end of the day all put their pants on one leg at a time what the fuck are you doing jumping up and down for I'm I'm gonna see this movie and I'm I'm camping out 24 hours before are you fucking retarded you see them camping out for you you fucking Jericho the fuck is wrong with you we all put our pants on one leg at a time you know you're going to a job and the boy he's the boss you can't say this around you know what one day you look at him and go fuck him fuck this douchebag he puts his pants on one leg at a time just like I do once you get all these basic fucking philosophies in your head the ego cannot take

over your ego at no part will take over because respect is part of it you know when do you start disrespecting people when you think you're better than they are when you think they're better than they are yet listen I disrespect a thousand fucking people when I'm talking to them last week I had to yell at Kate about something but the result was she sold out all four shows in DC oh wow you know that was the result me getting on her and going tweet those fucking dates out instead of bikini pictures you know I felt bad about it but I bet you felt fucking really good right now you know these are my friends I gotta look

out for you know sometimes as friends we don't look out for other friends you gotta call and go eat like last week you called me with a little bit of a fucking dilemma about stand-up that some guy was calling you asking you creepy questions what I tell you call them back and come to go fuck himself if he wants to fucking hire you this is the deal if not you're not making the 10 hour drive anyway you ain't got time you ain't got fucking time right why because you just don't have the time there's a thousand open mics down here you're not looking to make money right now not at all if you're looking to

make money quit right now because there's no money in your future you're gonna pick up a 20 year or 40 year I'll throw you something when you open for me but besides that there's no money in this game right now so all these things as long as you know going in you know when you walk into that job you're walking through a job like let's say you're a roof or something you walk in like hey look who it is you know they blow smoke up your ass and they tell you how great they feel down the way out they said you don't forget you got to work Saturday you know I gotta go to a wedding though with my family but you

have to work on fucking Saturday you know they blew smoke up your ass to get you to work on Saturday you know better than nobody else we're no better than nobody else there's 300 fucking comics out there that are better than me seriously fundamentally stand up I mean punchline set up fucking structure there's a thousand comics better than me there's a thousand coming and I know that I know that going in I try to be myself more on stage what helps me a lot more but all these little things that will prevent you from getting ego one time and we never talked about on the podcast but I'll tell you right now I

think in the 20-year friendship I had with Ralphie I had one misunderstanding with him we didn't talk for about three months he was supposed to pick me up he called me like ten fucking times made me stop what I was doing that day I was doing something and he called he called he called he called and he told me was picking me up at a certain time and then in here from for six hours and when he called me I didn't say nothing on the phone but when I got in the car got arrested so I looked at him and I straight up looked at him and I go hey do you think your time is more valuable than mine and he looked me in the face and

he said yes to me and I don't remember what I said to him but it wasn't too fucking pleasant I said it to him in a friendly way in a friendly way I said this to him you know whatever about time and we did what we had to do but when we left I knew that he didn't like it but I didn't really give a fuck because I was his brother and it was time that somebody told him nobody had the balls to tell him what I told him in that car that day he didn't call for about two three months he bumped into my friend George in Jersey George told him who I was and it was forgotten about and Ralph he was never late again because he came

to understand that hey this guy's got a point here he's right I don't give a fuck if you're late just pick up the goddamn phone and go listen at 330 call me and go hey I'm stuck around the corner be that 334 that that I could take that hey I won't be there for an hour won't be there for two hours anyway that's not the point the point is that sometimes you know and that's what happened to people like Roger Waters that's what happens to people like Sting nobody in that camp has the balls to come up to you and tell you that you're slipping that's the biggest issue you have out here that everybody's walking

on fucking eggshells and they let you I've seen fucking comics bro get a couple things that success could be in their path and they fucking up at the end with ego just destroy it with ego and then guess what happens they disappear you never hear from them again they end up in some fucking city or doing local comedy ego is a fucking you got to check it this is why it was really shocking when the guy told me that they had to show I never listen every day remember who the fuck I am and where I came from and I robbed Michael's jewelers and I think about sleeping on that metal fucking bed diagnostic for

two fucking weeks and that's what keeps me how many people ask me why don't you travel with a road manager why don't you have security why don't you have you know like why don't you have a publicist why don't you have people around you when you travel like a fucking what they call that entourage yeah are you fucking retarded are you fucking retarded I need an entourage I need my stylist to travel with me I need my trainer to travel with me is that what you fucking think you know the other day me and Matt Fultron got on the train you know how many people came up to me on the train and said what are you doing on a

fucking train well I can't take a train right I can't take an ampere I got what were you I need to be in a fucking helicopter I'm a celebrity I'm just an R-rated fucking comic who 30 years ago this week got sentenced to fucking prison that's the cool the fuck I am sure this is a job this is a job that I put 28 years into and right now I'm reaping the rewards from I worked for every minute that I do on fucking stage I worked hard towards it what would ruin this right now drugs and ego of both of them together ego would ruin this right now Lee Lee has a way of saying things sometimes like one of the biggest things

I ever heard from Lee was that the only guy that's ever worked out with me is you and you're an ex-convict they went to prison for kidnapping Lee does all this business with all these high-level people and they stop calling you and they fall apart at the fucking seams this is a job for me this is a job and when it became a job for me is when I became successful when I started becoming successful you know for the first six or seven years of comedy this was not a job for me I was just learning my ropes around the same way you you started you half you guys started out as laborers picking garbage up and fetching coffee

and fucking we don't have to fetch coffee or pick garbage up but like I was telling Lee getting booed is the same fucking feeling you know after it can you imagine being somewhere for two years and still getting coffee in a lunch order you start feeling bad about yourself but what keeps you fucking going is that you're working you're working towards a goal you go you know what who gives a fuck if he called me a fat fuck I'm working every day I'm fucking working and I'm getting better at this and someday I'm gonna be able to break away from him and do this on my own and that's when I'll get my last laugh

and my last result that's the whole bottom line to this thing but to go back to ego man I don't believe in it I don't and in this town I see it starting in comedy you know these guys go to Montreal they get a fucking deal and I'm supposed to fucking come up to you and kiss your ring meanwhile I'm battling out the story fucking night six nights a week following Paul Mooney you know what suck my dick you know so again they would try to make me feel bad by not inviting me to Montreal 15 20 years ago but at the same time who needed Montreal I was following fucking Paul Mooney and every night I was bombing oh

yeah I was bombing and my ego was getting fucking kicked in the stomach but I kept showing up every night and that's that's part of ego you know I don't need to go down there I don't need to do this anymore I'm this good no Lee what do I tell you you got to do the same steps every day every day every fucking day and I do them as boring as it is today already I fucking wrote for an hour I went lifted I went to cryotherapy I sent emails I got my spots at the store why because I have a list I got it all written down I have a plan for the fucking day so all these things guess when I'll start to fail when

I say oh you know what I don't need to write anymore I don't need to fucking lift weights anymore I could skip out on this I could skip out on this no what do I tell you it's the same shit every fucking day and guess what the same amount of work you put in your fourth year of being a carpenter guess what bitch you're gonna put that same amount of work or even more when you when you get years into it and now you own your own fucking business what do you think that's it's a 20 hour week oh yeah this is what I know that 40 hour week when you play games and play for keeps it becomes an 80 hour week but it doesn't matter

because you're doing something you love and you're doing it for yourself and everything you do is geared towards that same fucking goal you know what guys I'm 56 years old I got a wife I got a kid I don't need to fucking wait watch normal I don't need to really go to fucking gym no more but for me to give you guys a great show I need I know I need to do all these things I need to do all these things this is all part of a job this is a fucking job and part of that job is keeping me together because once your mind goes that's when everything else fucking goes so if it's going to box or going you know what man

I just finished two shows this weekend I had great fucking shows between you and I guys I was gonna do Sam Tripoli show tomorrow night and then take time off this weekend next week that was my plan to just stay home and focus on writing this book and focus on writing this one-man show it's a more material and give and stand up a break guess what I can't you know why because I went to Jersey August fucking 10th and I'm gonna be back in Jersey or October 25th or some shit and that gives me two months to come up with another fucking half hour because half the fucking people I came and saw me in fucking August I'm

gonna come in fucking October so if I had an ego and I didn't respect you motherfuckers I would go who gives a fuck what I say I'm gonna show up there in October and fucking do the same material but I can't I can't because I understand that you have to get a babysitter I understand that you're excited to see man this that what if I if you come to see me in October and I have the exact 45 fucking minutes you're gonna say yeah he was funny but I heard three quarters of this shit already so I can't take a break off that was my plan until I got to Atlantic City and after people in Atlantic City were telling me

hey we'll come with we got tickets to come see you in October or in December in New York oh shit oh shit so that week I had planned off to fucking relax with my family the end tip at it there that means suck my dick in Italian that means nothing for you I gotta work it out now so I gotta hit the fucking books so you people if I had the ego I wouldn't give a fuck let them fucking spend the $30 and if they don't like it let them go fuck themselves that they like it I can't do that to you guys because I understand the work I understand what you're putting into sacrifice I gotta go to a movie tonight I'm gonna meet Rick

Ramos that's why I was looking at the hit of acid because fucking seven o'clock they're showing apocalypse now at the cinema Armadome oh damn and then you do a fucking live interview with Lawrence Fishburne and Francis Ford Coppola fuck yeah fuck yeah so I'm meeting Rick Ramos down there at seven o'clock I don't know how I'm gonna and listen the first time I saw apocalypse now I took a fucking hit of that double barrel of sunshine acid it was a Friday night midnight late movie because the apocalypse now was so popular when it came out that they had to add viewings this was early on you know back when

movies were coming out it was like the movie started 11 30 in the morning and there was another viewing at 2 4 7 9 and then maybe 10 30 is something whatever the fuck but for all those movies they started doing midnight movies so me and my buddies took fucking double barrel sunshine and we went up to the Fairview fucking cinema in the old days and there was a line maybe you know how many fucking people are going to see because the Fairview cinema had two fucking movie theaters and there were two fucking there were two lines forming to go to each movie theater but there was a carvel up the corner from fucking not even

up the corner in the same strip more 50 yards so when I was standing online I'm tripping on the ass I'm starting to trip and shit like that and I see an ice cream cone somebody bought an ice cream cone and right before they went into the movie theater they threw it on the sidewalk and there was ants starting to grow around it started getting it started melting and there was like four of us there was like me Kurt Lorenzo Louis Castellito and this kid John Crowley and John Crowley was missing a fucking wrench nut somewhere and he was tripping on acid whenever he was tripping on ass I could talk him into anything and I go John I'm

not waiting on that fucking line but the only way we're gonna cut through is if you fucking throw an obstacle at these guys I daily eat that ice cream cone and he walked over with his head of acid picked up the ice cream cone with the ant started and started licking in front of the line I grabbed them and may believe like I was controlling them and I stood right there and they open up the doors and we walked in first that's how you do it cocksucker that's why you always got to have a crazy friend oh my god that eats weird kind of bugs and shit like that and that's it didn't end there when we got in we were tripping

our balls off it didn't end there when we got in there we were tripping our balls off so fucking hard that before the movie started we talked them in to go into the front of the movie theater and talk to the people so he got up then he's like can I have your attention please and people like shut the fuck up get the fuck out of the way and some guys like let him talk he's the guy that ate the ice cream cone out there can you sit through a three hour movie on acid we did oh shit because it's such a dark fucking movie and there's fireworks and I would have run out of there oh my god and tonight I'm gonna I'm thinking

of eating this fucking just the opening with them with the ceiling fan in the helicopter that would get me I'm thinking about fucking making a reservation of Danny Tannis going down there five eaten and then right from there to avoid the traffic shoot over and watch the first two hours of apocalypse now roll like three joints and then wait that part where they go to French and they talk into the French people I hate that whole dinner party so I go outside and smoke a joint or two then I go in catch the end and do the fucking Q&A with Lawrence Fishburne and my man fucking Francis Ford Coppola

who's better than Uncle Joey nobody cocksuck I got to do this I don't eat guys I'm a movie buff I'm surprised never see I don't know last time I saw you do a movie with your wife I saw an ad I don't think my wife wants to go I'm thinking you do movie night like date night like once a week but that's it yeah well I'm not going to see the Hollywood thing cuz the disrespect Bruce Lee so I've heard it too many times you can't disrespect Bruce Lee so I'm not going to see I'm boycott and fucking one time and I've done it all the time so I'm just saying it's cool you're actually going to see a movie oh yeah no no no I like

more I'm a movie buff this is what I do this is what I did all my fucking life I smoke pot and I watch movies that I studied and I got inspired and this movie really and so and I want to talk to Lawrence Fishburne I met him that one time with Ralphie and he was very very sweet and I want to go down and maybe talk to him by coming on the podcast or something that'd be crazy his daughter trains around the corner where my daughter trains oh yeah yeah yeah I've never seen him down there but I know she she's told me and I saw pictures in there so in my world he's one of the greatest black actors of all time I

mean especially now I take and I'm a big Denzel fan but when it when you really really do the math there's nobody better as an African-American then from fucking you know what's love got to do with it to that movie with Christopher walking to fucking the ones with Keanu Reeves now with John Wick CSI the movie with Sean Penn were when he played opposite Kevin Bacon I mean the guy is just fucking sensational that's what inspires the fuck out of me is going to see a guy like that and when I spoke to him and met him that's what I was really impressed by that there was no ego he pulled he saw me and Ralphie standing on

the corner waiting to go into a weed store and I had just had a special come on on Showtime I forget what it was called with George Perez and Marilyn whatever the payaso comedy slam I had just done it and it was on Showtime and I was praying that nobody watched it and he pulled over we were in front of a weed store by the Formosa cafe and he pulled over and we were just standing and he came out of the car and walked up to us fucking Lawrence Fishburne just walked up to us and he goes what do you guys don't stand there and we told him we're about to go into the weed store that he want to wait and smoke with us

he said no and he said that he had saw me on the payaso slam and he had saw Ralphie in last comic stand and I mean he just pulled over on Santa Monica Boulevard shit right by the Formosa cafe right across the street there's still a weed store there that's the first place that drew me out because I told him I wanted to give me what give me what give me what you got here to see the devil and the girls like we don't talk like that here and the magic came up to me was like you can't talk like that here you got to leave was it the Christian one no this is the one this was in Formosa across the street from the fucking

Formosa cafe right there it's all different now but I went past it the other day and it's still there it's not as popular as it used to be I didn't like it because you had a weed outside that's weird they would come up there would be a security guard outside and he you gave me a wallet your license and he would have to go in and check and then come back out so you had a way down line like a little bit outside in the street and but that night I was happy I was waiting outside because Lawrence Fishburne came out and started talking to us and we spoke for about 45 fucking minutes we didn't even end up going and buying the

weed we were just we were just you know in heaven that Lawrence Fishburne was talking to us so we just talked to him about comedy and acting he referred me to an acting teacher which me and Silent Bob Rodrigo Torres yeah we signed up and Rick Ramos and Rick Ramos all be together because it was Lawrence Fishburne's buddy it was where Lawrence Fishburne worked out so we all gave it a shot for about six months but then we all wanted different ways my moved up here Rick Ramos you know did something else but I wonder if he remembers you that'd be crazy if you remember Lawrence he's gonna remember he'll remember

that's why because we had a great conversation you know we spoke about him being 16 years old and shooting apocalypse now and how he had to get his fucking his mother to go down to the Philippines with him because he was only 16 when he shot it just an interesting story just an interesting fucking guy so I figured what the fuck I'll go down there tonight maybe a half a sheet of this acid fuck yeah and watch because I love that whole thing it's got one of the one of the lines in that movie is one of the lines that keeps me fucking going while I'm sitting here on this fucking couch getting weaker Charlie is in the

bush getting stronger that is a classic fucking line that's why then for years every time I caught myself on the street corner talking shit I would go what the fuck I gotta go case and join up I gotta go Rob some but I'm over here while fucking I'm sitting here wasting my time Charlie's in the bush getting stronger those words are fucking just amazing that describes your entire personality that hey I'm in the bush getting fucking stronger that's all that matters to me that's the most important thing of this fucking whole thing and then really quick I wanted to give a shout out to Roger he his wife just had a

baby oh congratulations to my man Rodrigo I will call him right after this I have not spoken to him in a few weeks and I did not know about his child right for a lot of people don't know Rodrigo is Felipe's sidekick on what's happening fool the podcast you know and look at the people that I bring into my life Felipe does not have an ego you know after I had the words of Ralphie his ego disappeared you know Tom Segura does not have an ego Crystal Leah does not have an ego if you talk to Sebastian there's really no ego involved I mean Sebastian don't say much as it is he's on he's on I think

fighter in the kid today or he's doing Theo's podcast today but you know these guys don't have an ego you know Ron White are you kidding me there's no ego there Ron knows we all know listen when you realize how lucky you are the being in this position your ego should disappear your ego should disappear you know I love doing movies but one of the things that turned me off about movies was the ego of a lot of actors it really fucking is eternal you you see it they come in late you know instead of eating once for lunch they got to send out because they don't like the food you know and it's not an ego thing they go

out of their way to be different to let you know that they're better than you are at some level and I've never liked that fucking mentality that's the celebrity mentality you know what it what it is how do they sell you oh do what the celebrities are doing yeah what's up what's the chick the chick on fucking my 500 pound not my five what was the fat law show on MBC Jillian Michael yeah you know these loser yeah train how the celebrities train that's what they sell yon that's what they saw yon why because the celebrities will do things differently just to make you feel ordinary well no no we don't do ordinary

weights we do underwater weights with a guru who makes you lift with fucking short time you know there's always something with those motherfuckers and at the end of the week they're not doing nothing they're just going out of their way to let you think that they're better than you are don't ever feel that way because I used to always like feel insecure about it for years I felt insecure about people like egos I didn't like how it made me feel and once I figured out I cut those fucking people up I can tell you 20 comics that have huge fucking egos I talked to them but I avoid them like the plague and I just

watch them they're like my side project how long to the fucking leaning tower pizza goes down it's a leaning tower because your head ain't right whenever your head ain't right you're fucking leaning to a side I know I am whenever my head's not right it affects everything that I do around me if you're fucking up somewhere it affects everything you do around you and the man who told me that was Joe Rogan I was doing blow he's like what you when you do blow it affects everything you do around you so all those negative personality traits like not having respect is what you have when you get a

fucking ego you know what prompt me for that respect prop podcast was something that had happened a few nights early at a comedy club that somebody got up and ran a light the same reason why you run a light is to prove that you're better than somebody else I can run the light I have fucking ego that's why you run a light there's people run a light by mistake all the time I know they're running a light by mistake but there's people that to prove a point to you that they're better than they than you are don't run the light as a comic that's why I say it's a bad because that's the vibe it sends out it doesn't know he

ran the light it's just three fucking words but you're telling me a you don't give a fuck and B that you're better than I am and who tells you that your fucking ego feeds you that bullshit so just remember in life no matter how good or successful you get at something you're just a fucking meatbag with eyes there's a guy behind you waiting to grab your success when you fucking force yourself down with your stupid fucking characteristic of fucking ego do you think it's like so like let's say someone's listening to this and they're like fuck I have too much ego is there have you seen people switch it around

dude is there a way like when you run what knocks out ego what cries down ego I don't know getting your ass kicked life kicks the shit out of you you know we were talking about that I did Caroline's when you I did the New York Comedy Festival and the guy didn't like me so he told me he was gonna book me at a certain time when I got there they told me there was a band going up in front of me you know I'm saying there was a band going up in front of me when I got off and I ate a bag of dicks I realized why I ate a bag of dicks ba ba ba ba ba it hurt me you know like it hurt me whatever but that didn't bruise

my ego like it didn't hurt my ego was like how do you how do you turn it around how do you go from having too much ego to like you get your ass kicked you get your hand leveled to you but like let's say you know it's like that guy that when you walks off stage and looks at you as a comic and goes follow this bitch you could turn around and smack that bitch or you could go up there and I'll do the motherfucker and then not say a word to him right that'll bother him more than you say something ego goes away when you get your ass kicked if you're a normal person the ego goes and check you know is there a way

to get your athlete like cuz getting your ass kicked sometimes happens when you're not expecting it what if someone's trying to change your ass kick could be a girl cheating on you to eating a bag of dicks on stage to getting fired from your job you know you get egotistical at your job I made that decision cuz I thought it was the right one well you lost $60,000 for the company so you're gone right there's no mistakes and fucking in that that corporate environment that corporate world so ego caused you to make a mistake that mistake levels you and the next thing you know who we are you got

no way to go you know I was watching something the other day on an interview on MMA junkie who I really read all their interviews and it had to do with Khabib fight McGregor and McGreg saying he wants him or something and he told him he goes hey man not for nothing you lost your last two or three fights why you fucking you have no room to speak you know he wasn't being and I looked at that and I'm like he's not being a bad person one he's saying the truth and two he's like I'm not gonna fight you could fight the winner or Dustin and me you know you could that you lost your last two fights I beat you I choked you out

decisively you know that must have controlled if you watch the McGregor fights when he lost he sat on the mat for a minute and you think about especially the Khabib one he sat on the mat for a few minutes and thought about where he went wrong the training and I'm not putting down McGregor or nothing like this I'm just saying that sometimes that ego right now McGregor hasn't fought now close to a year okay you know what it's like you like getting on stage for you it's like you doing three big fucking Academy Award winner movies but you don't get on stage for you Eric's Roach is gonna pass you by Christie

Bellach is gonna pass you by the chick with the ass that travels all the time is gonna pass you by these people gonna pass you by and and now you know ego makes you do all those bad decisions ego makes you say all those things and at the end what did you make what did you get what did you gain the UFC still going they're still doing their fights and they're adjusting without Connor and they're waiting for him to come back and he's gonna be a year that 16 months behind not getting in the fucking ring you know last two weeks ago three weeks ago there was a big article and people were furious I mean I read thousand

different reviews on Eddie Murphy you know Netflix thinks he's worth $70 million I love Eddie Murphy I wouldn't be sitting in this chair if it wasn't Eddie Murphy delirious is a great fucking special raw is a great fucking special but people are wondering how much now Eddie Murphy is not agreed to it yet I love Eddie because of that now if you watch Eddie in getting coffee with getting yeah with Seinfeld they discussed that mm-hmm listen to what he say that he hates going on stage without not saying something this is a guy that has made 20 great movies that has been around since 1983 what's that 93

2003 this is a guy that's got a 37 year career as a fucking comic and as a comedic actor any other person who would get a 70 million dollar offer already with a signed up and fucking the date would have been set the dates would have been released but what do you say on that thing with with with Seinfeld he goes to fucking get on stage you got to work out I watched part of I was nothing to say he really said that wow yeah he goes I really can't get on stage without having something to say it made me respect Eddie Murphy more than I've ever respected because any other asshole you know what and I've heard it before

agents go hey take the 70 million you could talk shit for an hour right yeah that's I mean that that's that's a level of non-ego because I mean what would you do if they offered you 7 million like that's like 7 million I'd agree to it but first off if you offer me 7 million dollars it's August so it would be 12 I would have to shoot it in January of 2021 if you offer me 7 million dollars I would start from scratch whatever deposit they gave me I would hire Neil Brennan John Mulaney Whitney Cummings I would hire anybody who's a great writer to just I'd pay them I'd pull a Chris Rock I think Chris Rock was another thing

years ago where there was no ego he went back to his friends that's why I love Chris Rock he got a I think a quarter million in advance he gave Richard Jenny 50 Louis CK 50 and Nick the Apollo 50 and said help me with my special everybody show up with 15 minutes all those specials you saw all those years well that was brilliant he had those guys he had Jenny the Apollo and Louis CK so if each one of them showed up with 15 minutes and Chris showed up with 22 minutes of his own material and wed off for those two guys I still remember seeing Chris come up to the store on a Monday night and do 30 minutes with

fucking Jenny Louis CK and Nick the Apollo in the audience you know how strong that is you how many comics would do that zero zero I want to have a fucking phenomenal special Lisa I had incorporated is giving me a million dollars to shoot a special it is gonna be fucking smoking guess what at the end of the special I'm probably gonna die of a heart attack that's how good the special is gonna be I'm gonna go above and fucking beyond for this I'm gonna train the right way I'm not gonna you know when when Netflix call me to do the special they called in April for me to be ready in June you know I'm not

making excuses I'm not making any excuses I'm the one that accepted it I didn't think about it you know and it was an ego thing it was just I wanted to do something for Netflix I figured how long would it take me to write a half hour and you see what the result is you see what the fucking result is so I really take my hands off to Eddie Murphy for not taking the 70 million and going hey who gives the fuck what they think I'm 50 something years old it really doesn't fucking matter anybody could say that so let's get a turn to putting action so it's very hard so that's that's why those are the comics

that don't have an ego you know one of the guys that I really miss I speak to him from time to time and we spoke about him coming on the podcast and he's been on the podcast before I think he's called in what was the guy that did all the prior specials and oh um what we've discussed that I really like the director yeah the director that one that helped him write Jojo dance and this is your life is calling and stuff you know one thing I really really like about him one thing I really enjoyed about him was a story he told me about prior that the prize show was kind of working and rock or BC rock or BC and they were doing a

lot of blown stuff and the suits from MB Rocco was a young man he had just been out of college this was his first job in production and that you know NBC told Richard Pry that he was you know or Richard s NBC the two suits from NBC you think I'm doing too much coke and they're like no mr. Pry you're having a great time keep doing what you're doing and Rocco told him no I think you're doing too much coke it's affecting your work and he threw Rocco out and fired him and three days later he contacted me goes you know what I thought about what would happen and you were honest with me so come back to work and that was there you

know I think that Richard probably had you know and that's why I always say when you're a real motherfucker and somebody says something to you and in your ears it sounds off-color and you might argue a little bit and then you go home and you think about the words and you give it three or four days and you figure out that this person that said something to you that was off-color was just trying to help you he didn't present it wrong he didn't you know I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for Matt Woods you know in 1994 95 yeah I was getting the reputation as one of the funny open micers and I was making

headway I was doing more time I was also devoting myself and I was also sticking my neck out I was doing comedy at a at a weird time I was doing comedy while I was angry and depressed and I was broke and comedy was the only thing that was keeping me alive but making myself you know it's like I know a girl right now that's going through a breakup and she called me about two weeks ago and I said are you going through a breakup what's the best time to get on stage and she's like well I don't know what are you fucking kidding me you for somebody dumps you you get on stage four times a night and she called this weekend and

said thank you that was the best advice anybody gave me because I learned how to do comedy from a bad place not a good place anybody could go on stage when you have a job and the things are right and your rent is paid keep getting on stage when your love life isn't going well or your girlfriend sucking some fucking Armenian dick in Glendale or you know you can't pay the rent that's what comedy is is going through a hard time and getting up on stage and fighting through that hard time you know like I told you guys February whatever getting off a plane and finding out Brody's dead and I still had to go do a fucking comedy

show and I mean I you know deep down you're falling apart but you got to do a comedy show I thanked myself that in 1995 96 I would force myself to get on stage 94 even though I was going through hell anybody else who said fuck it I can't get on stage I'm going through something well fucking go through it on stage if you're going through something go through it on stage who's a better therapist than a fucking audience so anyway I appreciate you guys listen to it if you have ego problems or if this has happened to you you'll understand where I'm coming from and if one of your friends ever comes up to you and says

that you're getting a little bit too big for your fucking britches before you smack him think about where he's coming from think about your situation think about how it affects the people around you and you'll see that you get right back to fucking square one because ego doesn't get you anything but a losing fucking result you know today we live without the police and pink floyd the world is deprived of fucking pink floyd the full band because of one fucking jerk off we can't hear the police because of one fucking jerk off you know and I think that's a goddamn shame but anyway the church of what's happened now this

is how we do it here I want to thank all the people who listen I want to thank the people who came out to AC and motherfucking DC it was the AC DC weekend it was fantastic I had a great time it was great seeing you guys real quick the 31st of August I'm at the ice house Memorial Day weekend a Labor Day weekend the small room working out with Uncle Joey San Antonio sold out September 14th but there's still tickets available for Dallas February 13th show up with the black cat and the witch hat bitch February no September whatever the fucking is and then the last week of September I'm at the Chicago theater with

Bob LaLingus and the fucking crew so get your tickets now if you want to come that's a great theater it's it's got a lot of great memories in there with little Esther and Ari and Duncan and fucking Rogan there was a great fucking show so I'm excited to be going back there real quick before we wrap it up I want to talk to you about CBD lion.com you're sitting there going Joey I don't know what to do people are talking about CBD my uncle says this my cousin says that what do I do listen picking a reliable CBD company is like getting fucked in the fucking ass all right

especially now I mean if you go 150 yards from here Magnolia Boulevard I think there's three stores close to us that have CBD signs at least yeah dentist me I go with CBD lion.com why because when you go to CBD lion.com they'll show you their third-party test results right there on the website listen no matter how you want it they give it to you they make CBD products from start to finish and you got a you got your fucking choice they got you covered at every level whether you want to vape it whether you want to cartridges whether you want to shatter if you're not into smoking they got

delicious raspberry and orange and strawberry gummies and they do a fucking tincture like I said start with the 500 to a thousand milligram tincture put it under your fucking tongue to let it go to work their products are fucking clean Bobby and they're not like these fake motherfuckers with false advertising and you listen don't buy that shit you might as well drink ginseng from a liquor store to you dumb fuck go to CBD lion right now CBD lion.com and check out their third party lab results for yourself the church family gets 20 off at checkout go to

CBD lion.com right now and start your CBD regimen today you won't be fucking sorry number two the church is also brought to you by 4HIMS.com 4HIMS is a one-stop shopping for hair loss skincare and sexual wellness for men you're having a problem getting that fucking love stick going 4HIMS can help you if you're having a problem with hair loss 4HIMS can help you I love this company because listen don't sweat hair loss this summer do something

while you still got your hair when you can still save it like I told you before 66% of men lose their hair by the age of 35 why the hell do you turn to weird solutions that do nothing when you can turn to medicine and science 4HIMS.com has the answer they have well-known generic equivalents to name brand prescriptions that help you keep your hair like I said no snake wall pills no gas station counter supplements prescription solutions backed by science you don't have to go nowhere either there's no waiting room

no awkward in-person doctor visits the guy looks you in the eye you save hours by going to 4HIMS.com it's very easy answer a few quick questions a doctor review it and prescribe you exactly what you need stop worrying about some block on your bald sitting hair and do something to stop the hair loss today and help promote hair growth the products also are shipped directly to you don't gotta go nowhere you're gonna see nobody right to your door boom they're not gonna door you do whatever you gotta do all right

so do me a favor right now the church family gets a trial month of HIMS for five hours Joey what are you doing five hours five hours they give you a trial month of HIMS for five hours right now while supplies last go to the website for full details and safety information let me tell you something this would cost you hundreds of dollars if you went to a doctor or a pharmacy uncle Joey's gonna save you money Christmas is around the corner go to 4HIMS.com slash Joey that's 4HIMS

F-O-R-H-I-M-S get dependent F-O-R-H-I-M-S.com slash Joey that's 4HIMS.com slash Joey all right see website for full details and safety information again I want to thank 4HIMS again I want to thank cbdline.com but most importantly I want to thank you guys for the love and the support you've given Lee and I over the years you come to the shows you fucking jump up and down but most importantly you learn you listen and you take something away from this podcast I'm not saying we're the best podcast

or the worst podcast but there's always a message here somewhere for you and if not we try to make you laugh you know I'm a filthy motherfucker they're like having a good time I love you motherfuckers I see you Wednesday morning or Thursday morning tip top magoo ready to go if not I'll see you at the end of the month at the ice house or February 13th in Dallas or September I don't even know I keep saying February 13th they know what the fuck I'm talking about they know I'm not doing I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing in February so don't worry about me it's

either next month or go fucking mother I love you cocksuckers I see you Thursday morning stay black Lee kick this motherfucker Bill Oh, and I revert the storm The flame's light and the fire's strong Oh, this empty bed is a night alone I realize that I'm gone Everybody out of bed

Everybody dead Does anybody wanna know Does anybody care? Oh, I just gotta go You're really bad And you really can't Oh, won't you stay with me for a while? Won't you stay with me for a while?

Close your eyes down, run high Easy love is an easy ride Just wait till the time we have Could stop the love from going away Everybody out of bed Everybody dead Does anybody wanna know Does anybody care?

Oh, I just gotta go You're really bad And you really can't Oh, won't you stay with me for a while? Oh, won't you stay with me for a while? I just gotta go You're really bad And you really can't

Oh, won't you stay with me for a while? Oh, won't you stay with me for a while? Thanks for watching!