Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #710 - Ryan Sickler

Episode Date: August 15, 2019

Ryan Sickler, a  stand up comedian and host of "The HoneyDew" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Vincero Watches - Get yours at Vincerowatches.com/church. They're having their biggest sale ever and just released two new lines of wallets and watches.    Express VPN - Get 3 months free when you buy a one year package. Go to www.expressvpn.com/church to learn more and protect your privacy. 

But that morning I went to pick up me and my buddy Mike Ronnie and went to pick up we used to deliver appliance Like fridges and shit. Yeah Did someone buy them or you just No, we would get subcontracted. Okay, you would deliver the water and dryer shit. Yeah, we'd have to go to this place We pull up at the point And just 30 air conditioners on the water and I go in I give the guy the bill no cameras in those days I give the guy the bill lady He gives me the paper the retard kick comes over. I hope you were through refrigerator. He carries it

Then the guy gets in his car one of his buddies. I'm going to get high 50 fucking air conditions and the thing I go, Michael, what about the back of that thing? What are you gonna do? You shut your mouth. We started putting the fucking air conditions in that thing 10 20 I was with the ups man. I took every last air condition All of brooklyn had air condition on that bar jersey We dropped off the refrigerator and we turned that motherfucker around and we just drove down the boulevard $100 a piece An air condition. It's july

It was june. It was like stealing. Oh, yeah, we sold them with them one out We split the fucking money. I went over to McGrath's house my eighth grade teacher my uh football coach the running back coach And I bought a thousand of those little grand bottles of coke from him Oh, my god, and I went out with my friends I told I was in the meter at Joe and Mary's but I took like a fucking quailude And me and my buddies got fucked up. I woke up the next one. I left the stiff So and we did the same shit every week Tuesday was McSawley's

Shalely's was in jersey city 30 cents for an alabama slammer and five cents for a mug of beer till 10 o'clock At 10 oh one five you couldn't find a friend. Yeah The place was vacant It was fucking crazy we're out of here 10 oh one At 945 people get three mugs and three drinks like you see people drinking on three straws and shit Two Wednesday was ladies night the dome And Thursday was another ladies night. So we detect them because they were 50 cents straight

So come here Here's a 10 go buy you Drink So for seven dollars you are Really? Yeah, I'm a big shot to me. Well, yeah, so I saw it down there and I apologized. I'm sorry In fact, I saw on a Wednesday down there and I said, I'm sorry about last night. I fucked up There she goes. So how about dinner tomorrow? I took it a peek a leash him on for me new jersey like a doctor It was adults that hadn't been to peek a leash him

I forget what the guy's name was the guy has a weird name. He's missing his stomach though. What he owns the restaurant That's not his sign That's a hell of a that's a hell of a curse to own a restaurant and be missing your stomach The stomach had a dish called lobster fra diablo. No, he burned his stomach out. No wonder. He doesn't Okay, oh Fra diablo his name of this thing was lobster fra diablo. Yeah, his name was johnny Monaco and he owned he owned pick a lease money and no stomachs. I can always be fucked. I'm like And I go Johnny eat a clam I can't I can't you know

I was a kid and I'm going up there fucking giving orders Because we get like a score and I go up there and drop money. Give them a drink. Give them all a drink, you know Dad don't worry about nothing and people will get pissed. It was like that scene when belushi went to the restaurant and blues brothers Oh, yeah, it was white people for a league and I'm gonna go up there with 16 gorillas So I took her on a date up there. They brought you a dish. I'm not even exaggerating. It was just big That looked like a fish And in the middle it was pasta. It was surrounded by clams Mussels and shrimp to the deck god

Tommy who big lobster tails that were cracked open with red sauce on top. Oh, no, no, no, no They're being got you put your little thing on she was in heaven. She's eating this fucking thing Then we get out of there. I take it down by the binghamton the binghamton was a boat that you're going on and have a few drinks There was a movie to that's why I saw 48 hours in those buses But outside of that your memory is something if you start a coke out there after like 20 minutes you get The rats from the Hudson River would try to chip away at your car. It was fucking at your car Are coming at crazy and frontie basso sudo had a hole in his car So we had to put a fucking piece of that for when we went down there to make out with chicks and shit

You know we used to drink beers and throw them out of the hole And people be driving on what the fuck That's all that rust my buddy had a volts wagon with uh floorboards rusted out to his foot fell through one time on a highway He's yelling we're trying to stop the cars So I take this little tritches. Her name was lisa tritches and she has just the name su She looked just like pat benatar in the first video of uh, you better run with the red and white shirt I even made it get a red and white shirt I'm gonna run a white shirt. Yeah, you look like pat

We started swapping spit and I started eating a pussy And she started and I remember she used to put top and powder in the pussy because when I opened it up a bunch We came out with me in the face, you know what I'm saying and that bitch is on facebook She ain't dying to be variant cancer. She's kicking. She's jersey But she had a shot of top and powder hit me in the face And I ate her pussy. She was banging on the top of the car I was I had her out there fucking both legs eating that with a coke rock on the pussy. No dick I cut her off from the dick. No dick tonight. I'm dropping you off at home. But don't even look at me sideways

I went over that fucking friday night. I dropped her off like a gentleman and we made plans to plan saturday night to eat a pussy Saturday night. I was in the fucking And we went out went to a party got into a fight in the party my hand got stuck in a bob wire fence Right here as I was getting he was taking me down. I stuck my hand in the fence and went in that my god damn it cops came Me and my boy and her and a piece of ass. She had tasia romano tasia romano was a hot piece of ass Tasia Romano, that's a name right there. Oh, listen to this

This was one of those bitches that for six months. She looked good And for six months she showed up looking like lee She used to call the tasia romano big fat piano Because she would go then for fucking six months. She would not eat a thing and she'd puke and vomit This bitch was fine to the bone and stinky my friend stinky used to give her the malook stick for So now we're double dating during what six months He gave it to her like over four years every once in a while in the winter Tasia took glen to the other room. I got trenches in the other room now. She's playing catholic girl. She's starting to cry

I don't know it hurts. Don't put it too close to my pussy. I got a half gram in my pocket I don't need this activation. You know what I'm saying? So at six in one I go listen get your life together We'll go throw some holy water on it's like it never happened I was a gentleman Listen, I got a half a g in my pocket. This will get me home And I walked home And guys this is as I walked into the door where I was living the phone It was her and she goes I thought about it. Let's do it

Like all right, and she picked me up seven in the morning. I went back to the house I gave her a stab and there was blood. There was tears. There was a lot of rubbing the back He got a rub that back. Oh, I was gonna say who's back. I gotta rub her back. She was on me I'm gonna go to hell. Don't worry about it. Oh plenty of dick and hell to party guilt Let's start this fucking thing. So yeah, and guess what? Like a week later. I saw she's very cold to me Then we had a couple of like weird discussions

I was totally in love with her. Like I was in love with her for reals I would have gotten married at that age. Like that's how in love with her. I was But after those two weeks, I was like, you know what's on me right here This is something beyond my control and I was a criminal I was a criminal. I had no future and I didn't have I couldn't see there was no future So I kind of walked away from a little bit I went to colorado. I heard she was dating some other guy eating pills and partying and shit

Good friend of mine. I never held it Never even mentioned it to him. That was me and her were long gone and Then I went back to New York one day and I went to a coke dealers house and there she was looking beautiful She said hello. We talked a little bit And she said let's stay in touch And between you and you and I in my mind the coop had flown already. It wasn't that I wanted to fuck her I really liked I grew up with her. I've been around for the last, you know, 1978. I'd been around this girl But something wasn't right, you know

Six months later, I called her because she was a travel agent I asked if she'd get me and my buddy stinky plane tickets to Hawaii And she goes call me tomorrow. I'll give you a quote when I call the next day. She goes, I gotta be honest with you I'd rather you never call me again Really? Yeah, just like that. I said Okay, k. Sarasara at the age of 21. I got one of my biggest lessons of love Fuck them send them roses and move the fuck on bitch Greetings from podcastville. It's thursday the 15th of august a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive

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I'm so I'm sure you'll share that The church what's happened now and a very special guest and date 31 years ago today. I got sentenced to prison august 15 1988 I hold it close to my heart So I never forget the pieces should I am

So nothing ever gets away from me Oh Ryan sickler the christ killer One of my favorite Sabbath songs of all time Here's what I was gonna say on my boomstone the drill of it all Oh Here we go Yeah

Oh What Thursday morning watch that pussy Oh The church what's happening now my man ryan motherfucking sickler It's a pleasure to be here on the anniversary of your it would that be your inaugural in car incarceration That's the first one. It's a pleasure to be here on that anniversary my friend That it was a monday morning and that friday at 4 30. They called

So that's what I wanted to ask you. Did you know you were going or did you get caught in something and taken No, I knew you were going to court that I knew that I knew I was there was a good chance of me going The prison but I didn't know for sure till that friday and what for what was this one for this is for the kid This was kidnapped they called and they said the attorney goes he's sitting down. He goes department of Whatever turns you down community corrections They turned you down. So you got two options. You're looking at prison Or you're looking at me putting you into a work release program, but if community corrections turns you down

You can't stay in the community So he goes right now you're looking at a 10 90 10 Whatever you do this weekend have a good weekend Oh, and you're walking into court monday at night And right there I sat I got a little crushed I took the chicken I was cooking out I like that little grease on the side where you put your Italian bread in I ate it and I go fucking

If this is my last weekend, I might as well make it a good one. I didn't cry. I didn't freak out I knew this day was coming When was the question So right there I go. I'm not gonna go to jail. I'm gonna talk to this judge out of it Like that's how cocaine and how we're taught that I'll tell this judge what time of this Not a second of that. He fucking got lost. I wasn't gonna write a speech or nothing I was just gonna go on there tell him what was going on here

Look, he was selling drugs me and my friends were taking the drugs off the street. Why come from that's a superhero Okay, so knock it off with the jail time here. This is a conversation amongst men the cocaine's off the street You know I'm saying everybody's alive. Let's let's wrap this up. You're well. Why are we gonna pay the tax? fucking pays Why are we gonna burden the tax pays? That was the speech that I went and that cocaine told you to that was the cocaine and all weekend long You should have heard me. I was like fucking trumpet out the trailer teleprompter I was fucking practicing and like telling them like this is what went down. You're on it. No big deal

It's no big deal And I never forget walking in there on Monday and he looked me up up and down My attorney saying you have a He liked to address the speech. He liked to address the court And I took two steps forward And as I went to speak my voice disappeared I saw that like a little fucking mousy fag

I was like, you know, I just want you to know that and it just broke and broke and broke like He was he looked like a little fiddle Castro with a compact head He had a tiny little head, but it was all bare He looked like a baby gorilla. All you could see were lips and two little white Italian eyes I remember that he told me to step back Like I had broken apart like I just fell apart like I'm not ashamed to say it whatever speech Whatever I have been doing on playgrounds and parks and delis for 20 years He scared the fuck out of me like my I broke

Stand up four to six years department of correction My buddies were there. My girlfriend was there family was there. Are you do you go to rikers for that? Where you go? I was in Colorado. Oh, you're in Colorado I was starting college to wednesday Wednesday, I was starting two days later two days later. I was so we argued that fact Can listen to me because I had like an ounce of coke and I had about a half ounce of coke at the house Plus I had three buddies that had flown off from new york and they were holding that and slept in three days They're in court sweating bullets

Trying to give We want to give a reference Smelling of alcohol, you know what I'm saying Mike Duffy, Tommy Russo and some other guy Showed up on a fucking sunday morning. I mean we're at the airport We came out to give you support We'll be at the courtroom. You can hear him and the Russo guy at the time was married to a 16 year old chick Like he was married to one day chick or some shit. What and they showed up in my courtroom like nothing

And here's the really ironic thing about life. They shook all their hands. I cried when I was my girlfriend I felt really bad for a family I couldn't make eye contact with a family But when they led me in the back cell Like the first cell There was a camera You know I had a suit on I took the jacket off and I left the shirt with the tie loosened my tie

I was overwhelmingly tired Like it had all this was a distress of Since 1979 I knew that this day was gonna come once my mother once I put her in the ground I knew this day was coming. It was 88. You said it was 88. It took nine years. It took nine years. Wow I stayed out playing this fucking cat and mouse game for nine years And I'll never forget this is how weird god works. I went to fold my jacket And wherever my hand landed I felt something in the jacket And I went into the inside pocket and there was a little boy was a coke

was a coke And when I tried because there was a camera. Yeah, so I had to go by the sink. I mean The fucking is what I love about you. Not I didn't I wasn't gonna do it I had to go by the sink because there was a camera Yeah, you're in now I'm in you're in now How many people could say that they snorted a gram of blow in county jail not too many that's historic times I went over by the sink. I opened up. There it was. I started cash. I started my wallet

It's not my belongs that dad and processed me I took the dollar bill. I rolled it up. I did the whole fucking thing in two blasts. Wow I was fucked up 15 minutes. I was joined and you know next thing I know they were waking me up Waking you up. What happened? I because of the I was Say you're the adrenaline the weight of the eight of the weight of the world was Done. That was a natural speed. It was nine years of fucking Hiding from people robbing from people I was at peace. Nobody could get to me the phone couldn't ring

Nobody in this prison knew me It was like I fell asleep and I remember them waking me up and I was really out of it Like I was tired like this had been 10 years of me not sleeping Like not having peaceful sleep going to sleep knowing that I gotta get up tomorrow and fucking go rob siglas house I gotta get up tomorrow and figure out how to get Through burbank without seeing lee lee's gonna go to all my spots tomorrow and try to blow my game up Because I just robbed lee lee's just finding out right now. He's missing a key. Well

So right now lee's attacking all my spots. So it was like nine years of that type of stress Just fell off my shoulders. I think you might have mentioned it before but like why didn't you just Like how much of you thought about running when your lawyer told you you're going to jail? Like I don't know. I don't know where you'd go. Mexico. America's most wanted had just started And two years prior to that I read an article about a guy that had It was 1980 and in 1951 he was at a party And he was making out with some chick and he bit her in the neck Like

And he took a piece of meat out of there And it was a saw and his parents took the kid and got him out of there And he moved into a new residential area And he went to college and an assumed name and started a new life and never again For 30 years to even have police contact And then one day he got to a car accident. He went to the hospital They fingerprinted into the background check and now he was wanted to murder Oh, he killed her when he bit her. Oh, I didn't realize he died. Holy shit. So I thought about that story

I thought about the story about yeah, I get away with it now What about 30 years from now when I'm in fucking My kid I gotta go to a hospital god forbid and they fingerprint me and there I am because they usually do background checks When you go to a hospital or a lot of people know that there's hotels That do background checks when you call an airline As you're speaking to them They're doing a background check. Yeah, I believe you've flown them before. Yeah, everything's coming up. So Background checks weren't moving that fast that but I still remember a story in boulder about a guy

Way before I got arrested Way before I even thought of getting arrested He was driving on a saturday afternoon sunday sunday afternoon Got into a car accident his wife and baby died. He ran from the scene Once they got him they realized that he was a murderer from florida that was wanted for 20 years So I always knew that the odds were against you When you run the odds will always be against you that's that fucking wants his name robert durr shit And if you run run for all you gotta remember that once they get you now you can't make bail because you're a flight risk

I Don't want to be known as a flight risk You figure just get it over with get it over with There was no running. I had committed I didn't go to prison for the crime of kidnapping vella Yeah, we terrorizing the afternoon and tying them up and putting them in a trunk of a car, but that doesn't happen To this day, I love kent I saw the picture. He looks scared to death man. He still looks scared of death

I love kent. He's waiting for somebody to come up behind him. I love anybody who I did that to you know what I am but They all have to know that they were also involved If you do the time if you do the crime you got to do the time Once you put yourself into that world that's what they there is a lifestyle There is a lifestyle that comes you have to strike You got to watch who you trust you got to watch who you talk to There was a lot of if lee comes to me tomorrow and says i'm out of the podcast visit I'm getting into the cocaine business. I'm gonna give him a month. I'm gonna rob him

Just out of principle because I know he doesn't know what he's doing I know for a fact he's gonna go to a bar one of his chuckty bitches Be over there eating an ice cream sundae with a kilo in his refrigerator I'll send you over there for a small nickel to hold him there And I'm breaking through his house and take the kilo you're gonna come out of retirement just to get me No, but i'm just saying that You know that was the that's the mentality that's uh, if you were gonna be that dumb I gotta rob

You know, if you're gonna be that fucking I know I can't tell you how many people I know out here that grew weed You know 15 years ago Had a bunch of it in their place told everybody and then people were outside sitting on the place and one night they come in Fucking five of them shotguns masks. They know where everybody is They know what room everyone get get him out of the video game room Get you know boom pulled them all out made them all it was it was four dudes I knew and one of them sister Made them all strip naked lay face down on the kitchen floor and they took everything

I mean tv they took everything And then they rolled out and said if any of you get up and call the police will be back in five minutes There's another car out there waiting to kill you and they just laid there for a while and then Finally called but they got they got hit twice because they talked too much. They tell everybody Uh, you know, we got all this weed. I mean stop telling everybody that You're telling everybody you're telling everybody where you live these days on facebook. I'm out of town That's another one. I know you'd all be on that show Leads out of town for a week. Let's go to his place and steal the fucking coke. I'm rich when I leave town. I got

Fucking cameras. I got I got that Sebastian security system put in The one he talks about on stage because I had the basic I went all out, you know The fucking neighbors are very Watchful on that block You know, you have to be I don't take anything for granted because I know that's When I would repeat what their most vulnerable is, you know, when they were the most vulnerable that they were That's when I fucking take it down when you didn't even know when you get sloppy

Can't get sloppy in life I made a living other people getting sloppy. There was a day I would put a suit on There was days I would just put a suit on And you see all these buildings on Lancashire. Yeah, I would just walk up and down the building I'd knock on doors. Hey, it's Ryan sickly here. No, uh There's no Ryan sickly here. Sorry, but then you get the white ass. Hold on. Let me check. Yeah I'm looking the log mind your business. Do you work? You know, many times I knocked on the door and there'd be a purse sitting on a fucking You know, many times I knocked on the door open and there'd be a deposit bag on the on the desk

And I'd look out in the hallway nobody and I put the deposit back take a walk and it'd be too grand in there Damn, I can't tell you how many days I had those I had to happen five times to me You just walk through the building just walk through the building like I owned it I remember getting sent on a job interview one time. I robbed the joint Tell me 10 o'clock. I'm conscientious. I'm there at 9 30. Yeah, I got the whole place open the safe wide open Safe was wide open Um, I kept knocking hello. Hello. Oh, what do we have here? I walked out of it. I took the I took I had a suit on

I took so much change That the suit was sideways. I even took the bag of nickels inside. I'm walking around sideways It's it never ended so All right, so back to you going into prison you're you're you just snorted cocaine Now are they taking you on a bus right to the penitentiary? No, they're putting me in bolder county jail for a few days, but a bus to the county jail No, you're right. Oh, that it's right there. Okay in those days was connected. So boom You're in a cell in county jail first. Are you with a solo? Are you in a bunch of people? I'm a general pop. All right

How many people would you say is in there? 20 per unit And are you scared? Are you scared? I like to think I'm a man. I'd be scared to fucking die I ain't even trying to fucking I'm whatever they told me to do. I'd just curl up. You gotta remember the work gets out As soon as you go in there, what are you in there for? Kidnapping one and kidnapping two of the machine gun. You're not gonna make friends And the kidnapping thing also sounds like it involves children. That's the thing that's confusing about kidnapping Right, it's about moving a person's body one room to one right. Yes, but would it help you like I like

I always my plan if I ever went to prison was to hit a guard and just go into solitary because I don't I don't think I'd survive And you might go to a fucking hospital before you go to solitary in solitary. I've no I don't mean either either way But I Does like the kidnapping with machine gun making seem like a badass or no Yes, so when I walked in with the kid and it was in the paper And the whole thing and these people know when you're coming in they know what you're coming in for you They start finding out. I walked in with a fucking Armani suit on And a white shirt on looking like tom jones in midway. We take the tie off

And I got sentenced at 9 30 in the morning I didn't make it to a cell until about 8 o'clock at night Damn, that's a long thing fingerprinting and bullshitting and the talking and what's gonna happen and The paperwork I had assigned so by the time I hit the cell it was like monday night Preseason football like it was on and I watched football for a little while. I made a couple collect calls let people know, you know I was my girlfriend doing and while they were going through it And then the next day is when you go see like a counselor and he told me that

You got sentenced to this. This is what's about to happen. This is what you're They started telling me everything you're eligible for And then the guy said listen, you might be in luck Because The prisons are so backed up That you're not going to see diagnostic till december or january. What's that diagnostic is where you have to go first So they do testing on you and determine what prison you're going to be sent to They give you a class or a grade

And it determines what prison you're going to be sent to So I sat and can I go so how long will I be in county jail for and they go December january and that's good because it's two for one So we're getting two days for the price of one And she goes but you might get transferred and I go where am I going to get transferred to she goes We just signed the deal with Half the inmates are going to go to missouri And the other half are going to go to texas and I go

Can't sign me the either of those. I don't have any family there And they're like well, you should have thought about that before you kidnapped the motherfucker. Have a great day The night before like the next day the next night They were like these next people pack up your bundles. You're leaving in the morning Bob-a-Bob-a-Bob de ass. I'm like fuck Where we going? None of your fucking business go to sleep. Invict, you know, you don't know nothing And you got a visit tomorrow morning. You just got off the phone with your girlfriend She's bringing you your clothes tomorrow

And your books and shit you just cut a deal to fucking come at two And next thing, you know, they're waking you up at six and they took me to Something summit county jail Which is like going from The ymca in north hollywood to the ymca in hollywood. Have you ever been to the ymca in north hollywood? No Looks like a fucking What the gym looked like at fucking And

Auschwitz Over there, they got the pool with no towels Like they definitely had to do something bad to you over there You ever go to the pool? Go to no ho. It's like Lucio ball was in there in that shower and stuff nice people great place But it's fucking Auschwitz over there the weightlifting the whole fucking thing go to the hollywood. Why? Sandra bullock donates two million a year to the sauna in jacuzzi

When you go on the hollywood-wide sauna when you come out the jacuzzi the bubbles Your skin feels like fucking glass. It's nice, huh? It's beautiful. They got a steam bath. They got a sauna They got a heated pool. So I went to I went to summit county jail. You could wear your clothes Hang out in the sun all day that it bother you and at 10 o'clock the jailer went to supermarket for you Come on. He went to the amp for you amp. I haven't heard that in so long. You would buy pay him whatever 20 bucks and he'd get your chips cold cuts a sandwich A gown the milk cheerios whatever you want So every night around nine we give him money. He come back around 10

You get your your nightly shit I think one of the guys got the guards to Get them booze for halloween because we know i'm lying to you guys because I never even made halloween I got there. I got to that place like august 19 They told me I wouldn't make diagnostic till january My attorney was so good. I made diagnostic by august 24 Oh, okay So when I was up in summit county

They came to me and said you're packing it up and leaving them all morning. God damn it. Where am I going now? We'll tie you in the morning And then that morning they took us to diagnostic That's like a four hour fucking bus ride The king and said he nothing to eat shackled next to people Well, I had a good time at summit county jams. It sounds like it four or five days It sounds like it. I met this very interesting dude at that place. I've never ever forgotten. They told me uh Didn't tell me I read his police reports and it was very what he did he

got caught for drugs By the feds selling the fed eight kilos of coke Jesus and he cut the deal To get the eight kilos back And take eight kilos that he had to cut a bigger deal And the feds could take everybody in So tell me he's getting his eight back Listen to the deal he made. This is why I always tell you anything is possible

He got arrested like right now I'm selling you eight kilos. You're undercover boom undercover. They took him back to a police station. He goes hold on one second Why are we doing this? I know a place that's got We could sell to the guy and get his connection to come up and He told him some story and the feds bought like I'm gonna get you the big fish, right? So he picked up a phone. He called The feds were all in a day the next day. He was to get his eight kilos back go to his house Get the other 16 pounds he had Bundle it and take it to a house

And drop it off and the cops are going to swarm that house. Okay The cops surrounded the house The guy did exactly what he was told to do pull up walk into the house The cops outside waited five minutes 10 minutes 15 minutes 20 minutes Our friend already had a car parked around the corner arranged He got the car one of his buddies and we're right back to new york with the 16 kilos

And then we find them for six years six years. They caught them. They extradited them and they brought them back to colorado But he was we used to play handball all day my suntan. You should have seen the At summer county jail You've ever had your life was in jail. Oh my god When I was in summer county jail, I looked like a fucking movie star. You understand me I look like ricotta No spf nothing. I just stay out there all day playing fucking handball. You know what I'm saying? Sounds like you kind of want to go back. Oh

Keep it up. I'm gonna stab you to go back I swear to god, it was one of the best fucking six days of my life. It sounds like it for real. They're going to get you cold cuts Call you would walk into the fucking receptionist's office and call those colorado jails are like fucking jokes Where bundy escaped from aspen county jail all those jails where he escaped. Yeah, he said he was gonna make a call and jumped out of window The last time I checked in 83 That aspen county jail didn't have uh, it's cafeteria. So they got it all their meals catered So they would get breakfast at the time from paula france They get like a bay net like they get like a fucking croissant

With egg whites and broccoli on the croissant. It was tremendous. Everybody knew if you're gonna get arrested go to fucking Then they took me to a place diagnostic and that was what you see in the movies That's what it was called diagnostic diagnostic and that's a penitentiary. It's connected to a three or four different prisons Holy shit, but they put you through there for 14 days to determine you physically mentally psych a lot They put you through everything They run you through a gamut a test And then once you're there you determine where they're gonna go. All right, you're now going here So where are they sending you from there? So I had three options. I had rifle give you options. Yeah

I didn't know no you I didn't have no options I had out my option Ah The options were right the options were Okay, so You rate a person when you go to prison on different things. Did he have a job at the time of his arrest? first time offender Did he have a job? Did he have a high school diploma? Was he attending school?

So I had I had my attorney had made me cover all these things. So when I went my point was My points would be off So in those days the court had a sit the court system had a thing that if a point system that's a location you had to be at So if you were between zero and two you belonged to the halfway house Do you know what I was? Minus 1.5

Where do you belong that meant my eligibility? Meant that I should just go diagnose and turn around into a community corrections facility But community corrections have turned me down Because of the weapon I see So they had a that's my real story because I got the gd. I was working at the time of my arrest It was basically my first arrest On paper Yeah, right document. Yeah, we made a call and got rid of all the arrest records in new jersey. That's one call away

My friends know exactly how to pull that. Oh, everything was cleared in jersey There was no violence in my police record. So My attorneys also Turned the kidnapping into a nine violent crime That was his point from the beginning. He was You're gonna get in trouble. You're gonna get it, but let's dial it back, but I'm gonna dial it back I'm gonna hire a public investigator. I'm gonna take your testing. I'm at now at that time I had only one act of violence

I'd hit a guy in the head with a bud white with a hennigan bottle On 80th street in kennedy boulevard three days after he graduated high school. I didn't graduate But it was like three days after graduation. All of us were fucking jizzed up And one sunday night we're out hanging out and the car makes a u-turn And you know with a little Wonder boulevard this guy wants to be joe mussels and he said something it was four of us. He said something And he came out of the car with an ax handle with no ax on it And as he was walking towards us, I had a hennigan. I fucking just tipped it over

Empty it and as he got eight feet from me. I just went into a roger clemens wind up And it busted his head Blood shattered fucking they made a you thought fucking mickey mantwood hit a home run The driver fucking turned white and the kid Stumbled around a little bit blood. He just got in the fucking Convertible whatever they had and sped off. I never heard nothing about it a week later the cops knocked on my door And he showed up in court. I had to go down the court my stepdad Fucking hysterical

You know and I knew her being the court my friend louis castellino's mother was the court clerk You know how it was dog. I'm shaking hands The judge is looking at all this shit coming over for me ball sunday. I'll be there. It was fucking hysterical But I'll never forget the case before me was a guy named freddy rupp freddy rupp was oh, and this is the what before you the case before me You can remember the fucking random dude's name. It was one of the funniest I knew freddy rupp in the neighborhood. Oh, you knew freddy freddy rupp was an older guy that

Was just in and out of jail. That was just he would really kill you And he was really a character and he was three or four days away from killing somebody This was his 20th time in front of his judge and he Like me eight years later the cocaine had Convinced him that he was the talk the judge Out of this is one of my first times ever in court without my parents Like when I was a kid I would always go to court with my mom for bookmaking

But this is one of the first times they told me sit and watch And I'll never forget when mrs. Castellino looked up You know mrs. Castellino just came to see me at the westbound beach in problem. Are you serious with her son louis? They just moved back to new jersey louis was my goomba growing up And he should be mad at me We went to see apocalypse now one night when it first came out We all did it had acid and me and my two friends

Well, like listen tell louis we can't hear nothing and there was a siren going off and louis like do you hear that siren? I'm like, we don't hear nothing He did that for about 10 minutes He bent over there was a puddle and he threw in rain water And he ran away. Oh, yeah, we tormented him. So I Get the court I'll never forget this as long as I live and I will call timmy halloween right now to back up my story

What was he? Because he the whole town heard about it. Oh, this is 1982. I think we're in war with bay root We at war with bay root. He checks me like war with somebody And they go, okay Next up who's on the agenda? And the court clique says mr. Freddy frederick rubb and the judge goes. Oh, this is going to be an interesting morning I mean right off the bat

The judge knew this guy everybody knew him as shit Freddy walks in there with shackles on and shit, you know the orange jumpsuit And they're like mr. Rupp you're being charged like You know aggravated because he didn't do nothing bad. It wasn't it was like a mr. Meaner But he was on on bail for something else at the time And this is like a normal occurrence dad. He's like, yeah, you know All send the judge goes for mr. Rupp What do you have to say? He goes, listen, your honor

We can end this shit right now today. He's watch your language. You're in the court of law. Fuck that Fuck that There's a war going on in bay root. Yeah, yeah, lemon on you. He goes. There's a war going on in bay root And you have me sitting here With a jumpsuit on your honor How dare you And everybody in the courtroom was like, what is he saying? He goes, let me out of here right now and put me on a plane to bay root I'll go over there. I'll kill so many motherfuckers. I'll make you proud of it. I'll make you proud of it. Oh my god

The judge is like, no, I love killing people. He's looking at his attorney. I love killing people I want to kill people and the whole court's howling like we're fucking just howling because it's freddy rupp And the guy's like listen if he wants to join the army, let him go Just take him down to this change him and make sure you drop more of it They said freddy. Yeah, I think freddy beat the cop up on the way to the recruiter. No more soldier So when we bring my case up on me hitting the guy everybody had it done me up Like the ambulance guy didn't show The hospital worker the emergency room guy didn't show

So The cop that was called from union city to report the crime in north bergen didn't show So they were gonna give us 24 hour reprieve the kids standing there all stitched up You know, I'm like, I don't know what he's talking about. So they're never talking about a civil suit Never seen that kid again never heard him. I don't remember what his name was nothing That was my fucking home month of july Three months three weeks to go on in and out of court to figure out whether I was guilty Uh, that's more exciting than any like most of our old lives

That is crazy shit I told this story on rogan, but uh, I had a cousin. I have a cousin. He's my father's first cousin He's a now paranoid schizophrenic. He was not To begin with he was a smart kid did well in school was great at sports was really good at the cross Hopkins was looking at him. He had a lot some offers Syracuse. I think uh, he's black belt and karate second or third degree um, but started fucking around with drugs young and by his I don't know maybe 30s. He was gone Um, and I'm still very close with all his kids. They're my cousins obviously and we I still talk to my cousin

Actually, the cousin I told you got carjacked of this is one of his kids so he Is sometimes allowed into halfway houses and then other times he has got to be in a mental home on medication Um, so once they get the medication, right? He gets into his own little it's a baltimore city, uh, you know I don't know quad or whatever. He's got his own place, but there's several other ones in there, you know and it's dirty and And uh, he's got a ashtray at just 100 cigarettes and he'll smoke the butts

And he's got writing all on the walls scripture And uh, I just was fascinated by my father that he was our say no to drugs built in say no to drugs in the fucking house You know what? I mean like you can end up like that I was always scared of drugs because I didn't none of us wanted to be that And I would say to him like what what are what are these poems and stuff on the wall and he was like my doctors At night my doctors coming through my window. They drop liquid acid in my ear And then they sample my skin and then they leave and then after they leave the love of my life comes in and I'm incapacitated So this shit on the walls are the things that I want to tell her

and it's a paragraph here a poem here this here that here and I used to go over his house and we would always take a plate of food for Christmas I would be his his three kids me and my two brothers all six of us roll over and then we give him a joint We smoke with him a little bit and this motherfucker would always before we could drive back one mile to my Aunt Marguerite's house Where her and my grandmother this motherfucker's already called and said hey, thanks for the dinner They came over smoked me out got me some so we're walked back into that ambush And we're and we would always play like you're gonna listen this motherfucker's crazy You're listening to him, but then we would call him up like we're never fucking smoking you out again

You fucking piece of shit and he would just be laughing his ass off so I go over one day and I sit down with him. He's watch his television with the tv volume off and a radio on And after a while that shit synced up And I said man, this shit's starting to get real fucking weird here I'm just made when it made sense when his world made sense to me. I got real uncomfortable and I was like I'm getting the fuck out of here So I leave and not too long after this he goes and gets his hair cut up on the on the avenue eastern avenue Is like the ventura boulevard of Baltimore? He goes up and and this woman now and this is a guy that's not

Mentally stable this woman's touching his head and cutting his hair. So in his mind she must she must love me. She must love me So he goes home and gets his guitar Now he's he's always selling his she sells his bed his guitar anything to get Cigarettes drugs lottery tickets, whatever gets a check from the government can't fucking work. It's a small check Gets his guitar and the the crazy beautiful thing about it is every time he has that motherfucking guitar It's always out of tune But it's always out of tune the same exact way every guitar he gets he tunes it A certain way and it's always out of tune, but it's the same

so he walks up To the shop he stands out in front of the hair salon And he sees the girl in there and her name's carissa But people of Baltimore have a weird accent and he says chrissa. That's how he says So he stands out in front of the store and the glass went in and he's he says chrissa and she looks out So he starts playing a song. He's going chrissa. I love you chrissa need you and then he starts hitting chrissa don't cry because I want to die chrissa don't cry because I want to die She's like what the fuck so she calls the police

They arrest them They they quickly they know who he is. He's been arrested a ton of times. They know he's not well They release him for his halfway house But the court date's coming up and at the time i'm homeless my grandmother's just died. I'm living with her sister my aunt margaret She takes me in and she's raising her grandkids. All my cousins are there and it's court date And we're like we got to go fucking watch this and we're so we go to the wrong fucking courthouse And we panic so we could shoot across north Baltimore now. We make it just in time. He's in there with my aunt his mom and uh, it's a late a female judge and um

He she he said he she hears what Chrissa has to say first, you know, and she gets it. She knows what's going on But she's being super sweet to my cousin and she's like sir, you know, what would you like to say? And he's like, I just don't understand what I did wrong This lady was nice to me. I went home I wrote her a song and I came up to perform it, you know, and and she's like I I know what's going on here You know, she gets it. She's looking at the papers. He's So she goes he was like, can I just sing a couple of the

Lines of the song. She's like, yeah, if you'd like to this motherfucker, we're all looking at each other We're punching each other. You gotta be fucking kidding me right now And he hits it with uh, chris. I love you chris. I need you. He's no guitar or anything He's just called chris. Don't cry because I want to die chris. Don't cry at the judge. Like, okay. All right Okay, all right. All right. We know I know what's going on here. So she's about to release him back to healthcare, you know halfway house or whatever And she goes, oh, I'm sorry

There's an outstanding warrant for your arrest on your record here and he just shoots back and looks at, you know, his mom And uh, he's like, what what is it? She says it says Everett cook. That's my uncle Ed And he did not like uncle Ed. So when he heard Everett cook, he was like, oh, this motherfucker. What happened was he He took a cab to their house one night all fucked up and they wouldn't pay for it. So he took a brick and threw it through their You know fucking storm door window and shattered it all over the place They call the cops they dropped the charges. They really did drop the charges, but it's a clerical error I never got take it off direct. She said, well, I'm sorry if that's the case, but for now We have to take you under arrest and now he's fucking going up. They're shackling him up

But he's like, what the she's screaming back. He's like, fuck These motherfuckers this motherfucker that and my aunt stands up and everybody in Baltimore calls everybody hunt Okay, and my aunt stands up and says to this judge Hun we dropped those charges and that judge said you will not call me hun Dude, we were nine this whole thing's falling apart. She said you will address me as your honor She said, I'm sorry your honor. We dropped those charges. She's like, well, we're gonna have to get that cleared up But in the meantime, he's gonna be spending the night In in jail and then it took him out yelling all the way up to shut the door

And that was the end of his ass for a little bit when you say he did drugs He got fucked was there a mental health issue first and the drugs fueled it that well I believe there was nothing anybody really saw but I think he was one of those people that Like uh, Sid Barrett from pink floyd, you know, did so much acid it unlocked it and turned them So He told he's told me himself. I've done every drug you could think of he was big on acid And that's what fucking that turned him it shifted him to another person. That was my Drug of choice acid

For two or three years two two how often were you doing it every day a How many how many times my mother died If my mother died november 79 I did acid Probably I started doing acid before she died But afterward it was the only way I could clear out my head It felt like at night, but that's powerful to have to clear it out like that. This is a different acid This is you know the acid that we have now. I've done it a few times and it's good for three hours

Yeah, you told me used to have it over the door sill back We have it everywhere liquid thing I still haven't gotten that acid the 12 hour one The eight hours of intense either You know you're looking at that shit's melting. You have to be with people. Yeah, really like see what's going on But then they get to a point where you're by yourself

Well, you have that long talk with yourself and you look at you You analyze your life and whatnot. I did a lot of that shit that kept me From jumping off a bridge So it's weird that any day now There's always days I tell people I can't wait to walk into a restaurant one day Shit my hand throw it on the wall I'm expecting that for more of the acid I did Well, you stopped he never stopped he continued to do it even when he got crazy

I mean there were times where I would take him so he would love to go to the hospital that's one of the things he really liked to do and He uh, he would tell me all the time that he's like ryan I had he would tell me see this funny thing was when he was on his meds You could tell he was there and that's when he would start telling the family secrets And I and they would be like oh shut don't listen to him. I've no no no hold on hold on You just keep talking over here. You keep telling you know he when he's not there He's over here with the eyes dead tilted drifting away, but when he's there he'll tell you the secrets

So I was always good to him Now he's my he's my dad's first cousin my dad would bring him out to the house And always try to help him out, you know, he would come to my grave. He would take a cab to my grandmother's He'd sit in a chair across from me like you he would smoke cigarettes He he smokes a carton in three days And he doesn't take him any farther than right here He's hitting him like my my amaryte's dead of cancer this motherfucker smoking three A carton in three days, and he's not doesn't have throat cancer or anything still alive still alive now

and um I take him to the hospital one time and he's screaming He's telling me that the nurses come in and fuck them every now and then and he's telling me he's got this std And I'm like, well, what do you what what do you have? What are you seeing that you think you got an std? He's like I got this scab Right here on my stomach, and I was like, dude, that's not a fucking std man. It's a scab. I'm looking at the scab on your stomach He's like I'll take care of that He goes in there and he starts screaming in it in the

Waiting room, and I'm just like Jesus Christ and he gets on there's a gurney. He gets on it He's demanding to be seen and he goes back and he comes back out and he's He's had that cigarette raspy laugh and he would get laughing and it would start making me laugh I'm like, what what the fuck they say he's like told me I go, well, how'd you get rid of me because what my std? I go, yeah, he goes I picked the scab I threw it away. I go, that's not how that shit works, dude But that's what he believes It's funny that the kids I did that acid with

I still communicate with a lot of From that time period that jump from 70s to the 80s One of them had issues a couple years ago, but he had Inheritance issues he had an ant that was already, you know, he had an ant that lived in the back closet Like you go over in here. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Don't mind the issues. Yeah. Yeah. Ah, yeah So I grew up with him Yeah, he just Because I know people

I probably grew up around three families that had Somebody in the house that lived there with So if I narrow it down to two dear dear friends, I have two of them right now with a sister One the sister had mental health issues And the other one it's the ant The one that the ant this didn't end well. He's still alive and he's still doing well but Just a couple

things, you know, suicide attempts and stuff like that How does how does this affect you guys? I mean, I enjoy you've talked about you dealing with homeless people But around here when you see like the homeless people yelling and screaming There's two people were dealing with the guy that had the ant He's had a lot of problems and the guy that had the sister was dear friends with me and

He snapped 15 years ago. He did not that he snapped his personality. Well a different way He Released our hometown as his hometown doesn't return calls Doesn't talk to people from our group You know, it's hurtful today was his older brother's birthday. That's out to the older brother, but I've asked the Older brother, you know, that's your brother doing all one of the few guys in this life That when I spoke to him He said that

He'd appreciate if I didn't call him back and we had a good time growing up That's two people have said that to you. Yeah, we were two This was back in 2002 when I was getting ready to shoot analyze this I had the last time I'd seen him was like 93 At a coke party. In fact, me and him jumped in the car eight times. We're happy to see each other But he had a gambling problem and he blamed us for his gambling problem later on in life So he cut us all off. So it was kind of Weird and I feel bad because I know when I talked to his brother that

This guy has made it all through life But those mental health issues have been lurking because he doesn't he leaves his house on he leaves work on friday And he stays in his house till sunday. He doesn't come out. No shopping No restaurants. No movies. No malls No, nothing. It's so bad that his wife picks up and leaves And goes to her family's house. It just gives him the place. It just gives him the place Because he just can't be around people and stuff like that. So it's always I've always thought like I've always been scared for myself

If i'm not feeling right or whatever, I always write You know, if it's a couple days, then we have a problem I started having broken down to see a psychiatrist. I don't hear words ever No, no, really? Yeah, I don't want that. I don't want that I don't like The scabs I want to open is because I want to open them on my terms Now because you want to open them. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, and I think that sometimes With psychiatrists they make problems where there's not

We already have this problem here. Let's deal with this, but you want to open up this to deal with this? No Now i'm really fucked up for three weeks So it's like I've handled I've handled my own mental health and I've handled it with a notebook I've handled and a microphone The notebook is more the notebook has been more Mentaling the mental health because I look back To where my frame of mind was In those previous years, I look back to

You know, I would love to I think I'm gonna do a whole podcast on excerpts of my writings the last two years Oh, yeah Before I was doing coke you got to read some of the before you started coke stopped. Oh stopped Oh the last two years of your coke your coke years. I got those. Got you you do So it's not just jokes. You were writing you were writing your journaling. Oh, okay. That's different then I said so I get home. I when I wake up in the morning. I journal my day what my plans are what? That's really good and healthy. You have to journal in the morning. That's what cleans up the mental diarrhea that you got in your mind all night That's when you smoke and you got your youtube music on

The windows are open get the sun in to get the air in that's that whole process I do the morning journal then I do the eight o'clock journal The day turned out how I wanted to I'm headed down to the store I feel sorry for the mother fuck who's got to follow me tonight Because I'm ready to get my dick sucked tonight. You know, I prepare myself and then when I get home I have the wrap-up journal the store was great and then I ate a bag of dicks I did so bad. I'm gonna take a week off You know what I'm saying? Like so you're always in touch with yourself mentally and where you are

Jay larson gave me this book and I can't remember it now But it's the same thing. It's you you what you're gonna do for the day come home What you did and at night that's it what you could have done better not what you did wrong How you could have improved next time I'll do this boom this motherfucker. He's never getting a call from me again Right. I'd call them twice. He never called now. He could suck my fucking dick But the the end of the day is always I try for it to be I wanted to be ultra positive because I want to go to bed ultra positive So I could wake up ultra positive if not if I write about

Ryan sickler Doing a racist joke That was very offensive Then I'm gonna wake up in two And be mad at ryan thinking about that bullshit. I'm sure I'd rather write it on now Get that writing and it's writing It's the muscle that needs to be written every day. This is how you start Genius yesterday said I want to learn how to write a script write the script of your life first then come see me

That's the hardest script you're gonna write Let's start from the beginning I was born in boston hospital 1952 on a hot summer night the Bill Syat and Tina McGurkin That's it. That's how it starts. That's what you write. That's the first homework assignment I ever got from Doug Stano That's all you need. That's your first script Story of your life you can't write the story of your life It's not gonna work out for you and I did it and I just don't know what that notebook is

It was horrible spelling was wrong long pronunciation commas everywhere 22 there's but it I did the assignment It took me a year to write and I threw the notebook away when I finished with it Just because I didn't know about it, but I feel That the paper and pen are the strongest fucking psychiatrist If you're honest enough to write What's really cooking with you? Yeah, that's right. Yeah That's hell. That's good and healthy for you

It's not for you the straight man. What do you think about the homeless situation? You know, we all know the homeless situation. They're fucking retarded That you know, if they did a survey and went around with little dip kits and shit And you could tell 70% of these people whacked up that live under the bridges They're not people who could get an apartment tomorrow. They're not two weeks from getting in a fucking apartment It doesn't take you to get out the corner building a three-ring circus On the 170s got an exercise bicycle over there. The guy's a savage. He's got an exercise Spotlight out who the fuck walks around the neighborhood sees an exercise bike

It says I need that on my corner. Yeah, I need that on my corner But I went to Philadelphia Atlantic City last weekend and guess what? I took Matt Fultron to the train station in Atlantic City And I dropped him off at five in the morning There was not one homeless motherfucker really They had four police guys standing there chasing them out of there. They chase that's the east coast They don't feel bad for homeless people. They kick you

They kick you. Did I ever tell you I mugged the guy on the number one bus? A friend of mine reminded me this week How old were you? We had to be about 13 13. How old's the guy? He had to be about 34 He got on the bus and he fell asleep from being drunk This is nighttime Yeah, it was like seven o'clock at night And he was all fucked up

So like one of my buddies sat next one put his arm around him and shit And then he's like he's coming with us. Let's take him. We just carried him out like you took him out We can the bills of bernie and bernie's leaving the bus drive was like, what are you taking? Spanish He's a friend of mine. He lives down the corner So as the bus took off, we just dropped him kicked him and took his wallet He was like four hours in the fucking get well cars. It's a mental mental health center You know what I'm saying?

Oh my god Oh Then you wonder why they put me in jail. Okay, well done. So back to this. All right, you're going to fucking What's it called again diagnostic? I want you to diagnostic. It's a two week process. They draw blood They do the whole when you finally get assigned to the penitentiary you're going to day one there Okay, I wanted to go to rifle Okay, you said there were three options three rifle at that time there was rifle Camp George west by golden where they make beat

Of course. Oh really? Yeah, and then there was another one at the time On the oh this side of the slope that was where you worked at farms and pigeons And I was not going to that one. It was a bunker type. You slept underneath. I heard it was really cold year round Yeah, that was my attorney. We wrote some type of letter about allergies and whatever just to narrow it down out of that one It was between camp George west and rifle And I wanted to go to rifle because they had a swimming program In the summer prison in the prison they had a swimming program. It was minimum security So that a swimming program plus in the summer you were a lifeguard at the local pool

They would send you out there to be you were a lifeguard at the low no no no no And then in the winter time you could be a uh A theater guy at the movie theater They had a big so it's a work release that don't work release just it was trying to get you back and it wasn't work release but this prison if you Did exceptional they got you uh Whatever you call them at a movie theater. They make popcorn for you and usher You could work as an session movie theater. That was fucking great. Hell. Yeah, but it was also a five-hour drive from Denver

You had to go one way. So my girlfriend would have to go five and then five That's I was already set on rifle. I had letters to the The fucking guy from rifle saying I really want to go there. I would be a great addition To the movie great addition and all this shit And that morning when I woke up and they said camp George west It's like me telling you we're gonna send you to prison, but you're gonna go to burp burp back and you're like Should I be happy about that right? Yeah, I had my heart set on san diego, you know

So they put me in camp George west which was in Golden which was 20 minutes from Burbank at the time with no traffic Boulder 30 minutes from bold or something like that with no traffic Very enjoyable so really yeah, so I grew up Um in Maryland where I grew up in the county. There's a mental institution called springfield and it it's laid out like a college campus and at the end of This campus here. There was a minimum security prison

We called it the laundry camp because that's what we were that's what they all told us they did there They did laundry for like the state, you know all the clothes and all that where any of that So did you deal with any of that kind of shit there? No But you know what i'm talking about laundry You worked in the kitchen the possibilities of my camp were great because You either did laundry worked in the kitchen Did the crew you ever see those guys with sticks on road through five Picking up garbage. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you do that or you got to be the guy that drove

The van and they put the garbage on the van. Okay, so you probably got to be well behaved to do the Very well behind or be able to have a driver's license. How many think those muts have driver's licenses, so That those minimum correction camps are a lot of the last stop before you get to a halfway house camp Those guys have done 20 years. They don't have a fucking driver's license But they're almost on their way back out of society They have to do two or three years of minimum halfway and then mistakes right and they go up in front of a parole board And if the parole board either paroles them out or they get paroled to a halfway house Okay

So with me right around the corner from our middle school right the fucking halfway house. It's all all together all together. Yeah, so when they When I went in there When I got there they like get your bags and go see a counselor and you see the counselor And then he'll tell you what options you have you have a few days to fill Our applications. I'm not applications like sign your name And before I could walk out some big fucking black dude six for six He's like, excuse me. Mr. Diaz

Have you ever had hepatitis b? I'm like, do I look like a B or whatever he asked me about some disease and I go no He goes good. I'll see you at 5 a.m. Use a baker Oh, okay, so he took me in the kitchen to make me a baker. I almost blew up the kitchen I didn't know how to bank you got a swim program motherfucker cinnamon rolls. No, but there was no swim program This is right. Okay. Gotcha. I went to camp george west the the lieu of camp george west was

That you got to leave once a day every day for 20 minutes off campus or to go to the bodega Point six miles from the thing So it was basically a five minute walk So that would give you 15 minutes in that bodega to buy a notebook ice cream cheese whatever lee was punished Lee would give me money, which I took a dollar off the top of course for taking the walk You follow me? Yeah. So every day you signed up a lot of people didn't have that privilege I had that took me a week to get that privilege

Once I almost blew up the kitchen They made me the stock clerk Which was the easiest job there. I was a stock clerk slash dishwash So yeah, I would stock in the morning dishes To three sets of dishes for the dinners then I'd be done But the guy with the license got fired got caught doing heroin So he lost his job. They went into the database. I had a license. I got the motor as a dishwasher So I became the stock clerk

And then I would go out and pick up the garbage you drive Oh, yeah, they know I wouldn't pick up the garbage. I'm lying to you. They made me bring the lunch sandwiches To the site, but you go pick them up. So you actually got out Yes, but these guys were geniuses They would never tell you where you were going to go work to the day before There was no cell phones in those days So they would I created a system that when I went to bring them lunch

They would slip me a phone number Of course a couple of dollars And I would go back call that number and tell what Ryan sickler was And then they would go over there and one of Ryan's cousins would throw a balloon filled with heroin out And I'd get a little taste of this, you know, because that's what I do Yeah So are they piss testing at all back then if they had a suspicion back then they could test you but they couldn't find acid Speed and something else. Okay. So the big flavors of the house weeding coke or no

and method speed And acid. Okay. Met's that method type speed And acid were the only things they couldn't read they had to do a they had to tap into your spine to do the acid And they weren't going to spend 20 dollars to see me to the acid. Yeah, 2000 dollars So the drugs of choice in there were a lot of acid and Speed for the guys I ran with there was a whole different culture in there. I was doing heroin full time in there It's crazy to see that if that's a really crazy culture. Yeah, so I would go back

There was a certain guy that would give me five bucks I call him tell lucy meet him on the exit of this and this And when they would get back they would eat dinner and then they would disappear and then you see them an hour later It'd be like fucking walking dead They would get high enough so nobody would know And they would sell the cotton balls Because you put your syringe in the cotton ball to draw those cotton balls to have heroin and they would sell the cotton I mean it was it was such a weird culture to witness when I was in there like

What they did to get high like even behind bars like even being in jail Didn't really teach you right when I got locked up. I knew that I had to give coke a break anyway So I stepped away from the coke Stepped away from the weed as much as I wanted to weed was my fucking life But I knew they would test me and find me

You know, they wouldn't get me for was the acid which I ended up popping up a few times Then on monday that was his name. John Clark. It's so weird how the movies Show you all these prison gangs, but that's what I'm think sitting here thinking because you you talked about swimming at one and and Driving the van it when when I went to the one where I grew up My buddy was playing this a softball league and the prisoners had a team. They were all it was always a home game No, they were all they never allowed to travel and it was a laundry camp So they were called themselves the dirty socks, right?

And my buddy's like you gotta come and watch one of these right? I'm telling you it'll be a fence right here We're you know, all the families and kids will sit on the and then it's all the prisoners over here So I go watch one one day It's the best fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. I'm sitting on a grass hill And there's a guy up in the booth. He's got a little casio keyboard. I don't see him till the end the whole thing But he's the announcer. He's the you know keyboard guy hit and so They would get up the bat The prisoners and he'd be like, all right y'all now batten

number number two Jeffrey Rosen y'all know him as orio and the bleachers would go They go crazy and then he would pop out and they'd be like fuck you. Oh, they would turn on him like a motherfucker They had so many fun And then he had these little Songs he would play and one was always a beat off He'd go D to the I to the R to the D to the Y dirty socks is in the house Come on y'all and all the prisoners like dirty socks is in the house, dude

They had cheers. They had everything going on and then If they made it out, he'd play his little remember the casio keyboard where you could sample sound Yeah, that's what he had up there and he would do Shoot him down dirty socks. He would do that one all the time He had all kinds of little sayings up there all the time And when he got done on there, forget I waited I wanted to see who this dude was this dude was a tiny little skinny black He had that long ass keyboard tucked under his arm and remember those skull caps, but they had the Panama jack flaps down

Yes, that's what all the black guys had him When I did time all of a man does that's what he wore and he walked back up the hill to the prison Like yes, that was his job. That was what he got to do and he enjoyed the shit out of it I'll tell you man. I know they were prisoners of shit, but god damn I had my buddy hit a home run there. I'll talk a shit to him And then they would go he would go with any charge. It was always off Keegan He would do that and then he go Where's cell block be that and then the guys from that book

Little sections, dude. It was the best. I was like, is this fucking real, man? We got to put this in a goddamn movie. It's the best shit I've ever seen I did you have that salt ball or any of that shit there? We did everything We had a softball league like dorms in between and we play the fucking the gods It's so funny what real prisons we had a basketball league on monday nights That a bunch of us would do speed and go play basketball like a line of speed and go play basketball I but would they allow the out like the aerial No, no, no, nothing like that. No, we were really secluded there but was I hold that whole

Eight twelve month experience so close because that's what I was going to ask you So you got about a year in out of they were going to give you four four, but what happened was Colorado had just instituted a law called house bill 1200 Which meant if you were nonviolent and it was your first defense Your sentence would get cut now so I had a 48 month sentence so automatically My sentence got cut to 24 months and you were getting back double days for one back then right hold on

I had dirty days at two days apiece So that put me down to 22 days And you're in you're eligible for a halfway house At 18 months. So you got four months and there was something else that they took a month off for So basically when I had sentence I had 20 months and in two months They were gonna put me my paperwork get done would be done for a halfway house now

if I stayed in county for six months I would still have to go through diagnostic And then they would have transferred me to a halfway house because after they put the letter in It takes six weeks to eight weeks to get transferred And you have to remember you put down you get an option to mark down two boxes They could send you anywhere, right? They could send you to fucking Santa Ana

And you're like, but my mother lives in north hollywood. There's one in very nice. Fuck you and your mother We send you where you're watching So your attorney really has to start getting into the process Now I asked george prez this question. I'm gonna ask you this question. What do you got water? Can I get one of those two, please? I Like smoking my marijuana before you ask this question not to Make you lose sight of this. I love smoking my marijuana. I love doing my elbows

But if I had a fucking vicarin today, I would pop to That's how much pain I'm in right now I lifted on monday and I went to boxing class yesterday 12 stations times three But what happened last night was I ate a bunch of edibles at the store during those fucking games those shows last I had these fucking sugar night things and some guy gave me a capsule So when you eat that it dehydrates it while you sleep So I woke up today super fucking sore like I said I had to have two cups of coffee One regular and one fucking espresso, but seriously

Right now when I went to get up. I'm like, oh my god. I am so fucking physically sore. So Sorry to interrupt. No question Is there any part of you That misses it in any way? I know you're a family man. You've got a child children I know you're married, but is there any part like what george's answer was? Yes He missed the structure. He missed knowing that any day I can go to the library. I can go here I can go here Where when you're out and you're not used to that you have to motivate yourself to go to that library

You got to motivate yourself to go here and he enjoyed Like I said the structure and the scheduling and time, you know, I'm lunch here. I'm this here. I'm this here Is there any part of you that that? Misses anything of it I do miss destruction You do but in my life, I'm a structure guy If you go to my are you before prison? Even with the cocaine problem, I could look in there and tell you I was very structured

I knew if I made up my mind to rob your house next Thursday It was gonna get robbed next Thursday. Man of his word You know what I'm saying like I knew if I had to go case a joint On a Tuesday at 12 and it wasn't gonna be a long walk. I still went there in case to join Is that all that stuff in any of your journals? No, I didn't write back then. No, this time. I was just the last two years No, I've been doing the journal for uh, I'm talking about those cocaine years the last two cocaine years

You said you got those books. I have the journals from 95 Do you to 2019 right now? Oh, holy shit. I missed there's only two years that are missing 2006 and seven Because they got taken in a car that I owned that got towed But pretty much I got to I have to look them over again There's nights that you could see the coke

Just like metaphors mid page You could see the writing going downhill like the code Let me repeating myself me talking about shit that I would talk to somebody else about the coke back to your question. I'm sorry structure your structure I'll tell you what I miss I missed I missed the friendships I made Believe it or not birds with feather flock together there's

two or three people from 1988 89 That I truly do miss today that I wish they were part of my circle tori piles was a a Crip Straight up Crip Rowan Crip from over here Shot killed but had seven bitches and had them all the fucking brand new six-figure car. I was bullshit um I miss hand thwan spencer spencer antwan. He's probably dead. He was my age when I met him

This is 30 years ago and I'd like to reconnect with a guy named john clark who was uh He was a spic nigger jew hater With all the fucking like he hated everybody specs niggers jews kikes He hated everybody, but he had genuine love for me as a spec And we would hang out at night together and talk about ideology and why he thought that way and It was just me and him in a room and then every monday he would get a visitation And his girlfriend would put a bubble in her mouth a balloon would speeden it

And then him and I would do a few lines on monday and we go They would kiss him. How would she pass that she'd just make out And then slide it right on under his month. Some people swallow the balloon and wait two days to get it out This was minimum security He would put it under his tongue on the way out. They would just pat him down and I genuinely missed that guy because He said something really interesting to me Well one night we were all outside there was him and a black guy And they said that uh, this black guy was a bad ass motherfucker not spencer anthwarn. He was just I forget what his name was

Me and the librarian were about to do a hit of acid and john clark was with us And I said john you got any speed because if we do the speed We'll get the fucking We'll get the ass cooking quicker You know saying if you do a hit of acid and do a speed we'll line the speed before it goes right until he does it We're gonna be up all fucking night. We're gonna get fucked up And john goes give me a few minutes. Let me walk around and ask a few people And the black guy looked at me. He was super cool when he goes

Think about it if you guys put as much effort into doing something positive Instead of this shit what your motherfuckers could come up with and that line resonated in my head How much thought in those days I put towards Finding a drug dealer how much I used to you know three hours a day is how am I gonna get 40 dollars? Right. What pigeon is it gonna give me 40 dollars today? Oh, fuck Lee left a watch over at the fucking

podcast office, that's good Next time I see what he's like Man, I'm saying it that shit's crushed up snorted Gave cake quick we have to cook you know what I'm saying We had a good time snorting your fucking watch You know it really It doesn't surprise me that

Great things happen to me comically when I got up to cocaine because it freed up my mind Of three hours a day. It's like being involved in a bad relationship You walk around focusing on that bad relationship So it doesn't let other energies that you have go and grow It stunts you that's why the first time you smell something weird you gotta go Because this affects all your levels of creativity and stuff When that guy said that to me, I knew he was on to something like I was like fuck this motherfucker But I I missed

I missed all that stuff. I miss what didn't you tweet something about like are you gonna let a crack crack had out hustle you was at you Just saw one recently. It was I was like, that's a great point like this crack has out there today Awesome people it's gonna have he needs his drugs. He ain't gonna be like i'm not doing crack today He's gonna hustle his ass off. You give me a guy that doesn't have a zero in the bank and you give me a guy that's got money and tell this guy that look You sell three fucking things. I want you to sell three bottles of water for me on the phone We give you a lot of cash at the end of the day give them five bottles hunger

Does a lot of things. Yeah Hunger really motivates, you know need Addiction yes need need Motivates, you know, I had needs. I had addictions And what your needs and when I was in 95, let's go back to 95 when I really wanted to strive in comedy I had already accepted the drug habit And I had to pay 635 with my child support and the rest went up my nose 400 was rent And the rest went up my nose the car I had didn't have a chance to get insurance

Hahaha Insurance didn't exist in my world. Well, look, we got a car. Yeah insurance is for suckers I didn't do none of those secondary market things, you know, like nothing like It's so we and how the transfer of addiction is correct and real I took the transfer of that addiction to coke and I really Turned it into a comedy addiction. Yeah, I get fueled. I was always an addict to comedy To do what we do you have to be an addict. You're not going to be an addict

Quit jump off the building. Yeah when you wake up in the morning if you're pissing and you're not asking yourself where you're getting on stage This is not for you. Yeah, if you're pissing and going You know, I can't wait to do three spots tonight And you're not even worried about money because you know, there's no money. That's right. There's no money I love when people come up to me. How's the money in the beginning? No money or watch I'm going to do it make money Okay, they pick up two gigs for 200 and they go down the pizza little Because no, I could hustle this guy for five thousand. You probably could one time

But you'll never get another gig again because you're not worth the fucking integration. You'll get one. You ain't coming back So it was really weird how I think the transfer of you know what addiction I gave up to become a comic was action junk What do you mean? I was an action junk. You were enough like adrenaline shit I like being they I like being the underdog. Okay. I like Bill Burr Yeah, and i'll magic god looking for me

Like I was that type of motherfucker like I dare those two guys walk up my steps Like I loved brendan sharp looking for me like I was that type of guy like that's the stuff that motivated me Oh, brendan's looking for me. Oh, he's bringing rogan Now I'll know Because one of them is going to fly off that fucking Before they even open up the door i'm going to tackle that guy. I remember being Uh, it was 1991 or two. I'd just gotten out of prison I'd been married and divorced

And I had a beef with a white guy Sweet heart of a white guy There's not a day that was named as ryan kahoon Okay, you're a sweetheart of a guy in boulder, colorado. I knew him I knew his girlfriend and in august and the old days. They'd be a weed shortage In colorado believe it or not. It was the harvest So from the end of july to the third week of august. There was nothing nothing

And I hadn't had pot in three fucking days And I gave him like 800 bucks to go to montana to get weed from his brother. He made some story up I was gonna get weed from his brother. Now, this is me. You and me ryan You come to me like a man. I'll give you whatever you want and go Show me and get your half a pound split it with me. Just give me 800 Well, you told me you're coming back sunday You know i'm worse. You told me sunday at lunch. You're gonna be back. But he's a white dude He went fishing with his father

They had to go eat cheddar cheese and you know Get drink lemonade and do the national anthem. He didn't come back till wednesday There was no cell phones in that day. I called his wife. I got his father's number on Tuesday. I go, oh Wasn't my 800 in the week. He goes, what are you talking about? I told you Joey I go don't come back because I'm gonna kill you and he's like, how are you talking to me like that? I'm shooting the house right now. I'll never forget me being separated Causing all types of havoc. I was already in commonly like six or seven months. I still had the condo And I was cooking something in the kitchen and I saw him coming up my stairs and he goes and I go

And I had a stack of knives behind me and I took the biggest kitchen knife And I walked towards the door And he didn't even run down the stairs. He jumped all the way And he kept calling me. Why are you doing this to me? I go you motherfucker? You don't ever talk to me that way until you know, you supposed to be his sunday I don't even know what I'm telling you this story, but that was the type of person I was like I was that person That's why I don't like having weapons around me You know, I I loved people looking for me

I loved it. I loved you said you were in action. I loved Ryan sick of finding out that I robbed Let's see what oh you got all fine. Okay. Yeah now now what are you gonna do? Because guess who I'm sitting over here with I got Mike Ronnie over here And I got three other guys that two of their parents are connected and the other guys connected politically So what do you want to do? Take the loss Next time plan ahead. Don't go eat dinner with your stupid girl from 8 o'clock When you got two ounces of coke in your house, who does that?

Yeah, who does it on a Friday night? Friday nights are not for girlfriends. They're the cell coke chain You wanted to go eat dinner. I had one of my waiters saw you over there and I went and kicked in your back door Because I had waiters everywhere on the ground. I had waiters Bar tendons, so I would call a bar and go who's down there. Oh sick was down. Really? Oh my god, Tom's away from him on his way on the way. I'd rob your house And when I get there the money that I robbed from your house, I'd buy coke from you No, I'd buy coke from you So when you came to me the next day and said somebody robbed my house last night. What are you talking about?

I was with you all night last night Didn't I buy you drinks? Yeah, but you're the only thief in the neighborhood Dog I was with you So for eight years I had you scratching your head then every once in a while I send them a message on facebook Like I just sent one to a buddy about six months ago a guy robbed from a half ounce. It was a scumbag He was buying hot sony trinitron from us. He would give us a gram of coke Then one night they're in Ozzy eyes when he thought he was cute. He's like tonight. I'm only giving you half Really? Okay

I gave him like six months went over his house Went to do blow we went to buy it I told him I had to do something take a piss I left the bathroom window open I went back got the coke as I was leaving my brother was coming in Guy that I lived with in fact we hugged. I said I'll see you later We left that idiot went to new york to some club Me and my buddy waited for him to leave. I crawled in the house stole his half ounce of coke and his money

We partied all weekend long. Guess this ready for this Me and my brother the guy I bumped into in that apartment A lifting weights monday. We're stinky And I haven't told Mike that I robbed this Mikey guy And they're knocking on the door And Mike's like, what the fuck are they knocking on my dog? I don't know answer it And I'll never forget us lifting weights and the guy yelling at my brother for robbing him Oh, he thought he did he thought he did it being stinky in the back

And then he comes back to what the fuck's wrong with Mike Mulligan. He fucking thinks I robbed him What the fuck is up with that? I wouldn't rob them. I told them I was and they looked at me goes You robbed them your motherfucker. I know Because I always take the blame because of you The only thing I don't miss about prison is what prison is intended to do It's intended to break your man out of way from you There's no worse free. There's two of the worst feelings I've ever had in my life Was picking up your child

And he has another man's cologne on when you get separated. Okay There's no worse feeling than that Just getting kicked in the balls just finding your wife getting fucked on the ass by a midget When you come home for Christmas with presents And there's a little midget with a big head fucking your wife. That's just ptsd You just go to midgetville run over 10 minutes Like you she's just you know, there's certain things in life finding your mother on the floor Dead finding your father on the floor dead finding a sibling commit suicide

These are things that your heart and your mind never get over and there's there's always going to be a What are the hinders called chakras chakras the chakras won't connect, right? So you're having imbalance, you know A man waking you up That's not your father I don't know if anybody that listens to this or you either you grew up with a father that sorry You get up that's not a nice feeling And I know a lot of kids that their father's woke him up by get up

Get up and say the clock and they turn the light on Where I come from you turn my fucking light on and kick the bed You're gonna die You're gonna die. You know what I'm saying? Like that's not I wouldn't do that to anybody Lee we got to go we got a room, you know, we got it whatever but for me to go into Lee's room Turn the line on it take his fucking bed And you'll get up you sack piece of shit that does something to your psyche that goes forever So nobody's waking you up with a good morning

They're waking you up with a negative connotation right away. It's dark day. I do that enough for six years That's what you used to getting waking up to so that's why when you get that out Into the world you can't handle it Everybody's against you because for six years I've been kicking your bed and turning on a light on and hitting your bed with a police stick And when Lee makes a joke like come on man 10 more minutes get the fuck up you fat sack of shit They ate your legs with a stick How do you wake up? There's no good mood

There's no good mood. Yeah, you walk in ready to kill somebody I did not like that about prison. I understood right away that that was the main goal of prison To break your manhood down so you never ever could succeed again You could never succeed again if you don't see what that I'll tell you the first three weeks. I couldn't deal with I was already planning on taking that stick and showing it up as fucking I just taking the beating No doing time for the rest of my life or every place I go to Those guys are gonna go not to kick my bed

Because I take another fucking eye That's look at the anger gives you I'm not an angry guy like that but just The thought of that time Where men could come in and go lights out and turn your tv off You know big poppies coming to bed the bases are loaded You bet sickler carton the fucking cigarettes that you know what I'm saying? Yeah, and also there's some fucking guy comes in he goes. Hey you sexy shit bedtime You're like come on one more time say another fucking word now won't turn this motherfucker on tomorrow you white motherfucker

You another any other white motherfuckers want to say nothing get to bed? And you got to see how the black prisoners the black guards tricked the black prisoners Shut the fuck you love the little nigga motherfucker who the fuck was feeding when you and you were living on that bridge Or your nigga nap you had it parents. I mean, it's it's a system. Yeah, that's what I don't that's what I don't miss. That's what I do. It's not meant. There's no rehabilitation. It's meant to break you So you have that, you know, I remember moving to colorado going home and going I'm leaving my buddy's going. Where you going? I'm like, I'm living around. It's faggots. I'm surrounded by faggots. Everybody says good morning

And they all started laughing. That's because you're out of that hell You're in the city where fucking people are nice. They say good morning. How's your day? How's your day? It's really weird the little things that you Pick up in life, especially now that I'm old and I see why those things happen Why certain things didn't happen, you know, it's pretty interesting how it comes back into play How it affects you down the line, but I did lose I replaced the

action junk the addiction with the comedy action You know The the whole from the cocaine addiction moved on to a marijuana addiction, which I've always had And ain't nobody dying as far as I know from marijuana these days So I try to take those addictions and move them down the nicotine addiction issue the nicotine You know, it's a transfer of addiction if you need to transfer addiction. This is how to do it. I don't want you to stop I'd rather

Ryan sick would be happy I'd rather Ryan sick to say, you know what? Seven days a week. I'm gonna Chew nicotine gum and on Sundays. I'm gonna smoke a cigar. I want you to be happy I don't smoke reef because I get blasted anymore I did a bunk. It's on the way. I look any different to you guys. No No, yeah, I don't get I I it relaxes me and we roll the joint we smoke you brought us some joints It's it let me it lets me hold on to my past. It's my teddy bear from

Back before I became a decent person It lets me know I'm still a dirty fuck But not dirty enough It still lets me know, you know, I stopped shoplifting I would always shoplift once a year just to make sure Skills, did you really? Oh right the last time you shoplifted. How old? How old? Yeah, how old? I gotta get him one time those what would you get last seven eleven you gotta rob those little fucking Isis controlled stores

If you're not clipping a seven what are you taking sometimes I take a protein bar like I'll buy two but steal one of my That's the fucking move. I put it in my I put like a magician in here Right in front of them at the counter back in the day. Remember when cigarettes weren't behind the counter Oh, yeah, and my buddy had them. That was his move. He'd walk in he grabbed two packs of marble lights Well from a distance you can't see how many he took he just knows he took a pack And then he would walk around the store. He'd get a big gulp He'd you know what I ain't getting these cigarettes and he put one pack back and take buy the big gulp Boom out of there with a pack of cigarettes and it worked every fucking time until they moved them behind there

Psychology there really is a psychology to shoplifting And it was crazy us talking about some of this. I really got there was a time when big lighter Released football lighters. This had to be 2000. Mm-hmm every fucking team had a lighter. Yeah, and I was Fucking Hell bent for leather that I was gonna get every team. I will call my wife right now Every team you're gonna steal 32 motherfucking lighters 7-11 on curson and sunset Across from the old bar there in the old where you bought all the books. Samuel french. Yep. Same in french. That's right

I was going there by soda. They used to have a company that used to make bagels With cream cheese a tomato and turkey Fucking delicious sounds delicious, and I would get this world bread. I love their Well, they have a brand of black and white bread the hollow It's like a cake. I think yeah, it's okay. I'm cake. Okay. I'm cake You never just see the problem is people shoplifting. They shop. You have to buy The more I buy the more I shop If I

If I buy $20, yeah, I got a better awards program. Everybody's gonna have a lot for me. I'm saying you buy 20 I'm stealing 20 20, but I remember going in there. You're one for one So it was funny the guy would watch me I knew he was watching me and I do the same thing. I take two packs of I love cinnamon certs Cinnamon certs. I'll just eat the whole box Until I got on a plane one day with an edible and I hate the whole pack And I didn't know that when you're doing edibles the cinnamon reverts and makes your whole body feel like you took There's a pill that you take

Magnesium and when you take it it opens your pores and your skin starts to burn So cinnamon makes you sweat from that if you take it with an entire package of certs like two or three of them You know what I'm saying? So I would go into that 7-eleven store and while he was ringing me I'd be taking light as cowboys charges Rams you got the ravens in the ravens and I would take them home and I had a hat and I put them in the hat I had a draw And then that had at one time

I must have had fucking 60 or 70 80 Doubled I remember one day I saw my wife and I said that one of those lighters almost killed us What are you doing? Because I took a lighter you have like You have like three Tampa Bay Buccaneers like I don't give a fuck if I got eight Tampa Bay Buccaneers Don't steal the doubles there for us There was like three teams I couldn't get my hands on but every other team I got my hands on

It was fucking tremendous. I remember it's still going in there one day And just picking up the whole you know, they were put train train. Yeah. Yeah. I just took the whole train walked out of it And the guy's like where you go Leave me alone. All right. I gotta worry about you bothering me. Go get some sand Go get a meddy patty and put some cream on those feet Before you insult me the debt then you want me to go to your restaurant You're gonna come up to me with those dry skin feet. Oh my god Oh, no, I used to kill those people and one time I robbed

My claim to fame it's so weird It's so weird what when you look back at your life Like I was worthless. I I knew I had no future But I used to go to this liquor store this jewelry store when I was 20 and 21 20 2019 And I would just go in there. I was a broke kid. I missed my mother that was going there. She liked jewelry Then I would just go in and look at the bracelets and stuff And it was more of a white jewelry store. It wasn't like a Cuban jewelry store. They have different type of jewelry

And one day I just asked the lady. Can you show me those rings and she took the tray out She put it there and she walked away walked away. Yeah. Thank you. Just walked away So while I was there one day they had the same rings and the slots So I just took a ring I Sat there waiting for to come back on one of these two expensive But I may believe I scratched my leg and I slipped the ring and my sweats out. I had shorts on I left

I was like that was interesting What did a gold store got whatever I got 400 for the ring and 10 dollars for the diamond They don't pay you for diamonds. That's why I love these people. Like I'm gonna go sell my diamond watch. Good luck Dude, I just tried to sell an old engaged ring bag. This guy said let me tell you something Yeah, if you private sell it, you can get 3,500. I'll give you 800 dollars. I said fuck I'll save it for my daughter. Yeah, that means nothing nothing you turn it upside down You see a little black hand with a jew signal Those little fucking blood diamonds via africa via israel

You know, they don't want those nobody wants to buy those So who do you think fucking is the point? Who you think south africans gonna get those diamonds? No, hell no, no take a big time israel guys guys that come with those jew hats with the big Emerald over here. They run a lodge. They're They show up they get a little black mulatto's whatever They tie little ropes around their waist and they throw them into that cave The lead they stick a thing of dynamite to it They did the chinese people in the 40s when they built the railroads

They would take a china man and throw him over the fucking cliff with a strapped on the dynamite You think i'm kidding you here. No, that's how they built the train of the united the chinese built the trains in this country Yeah, oh, yeah a lot of people don't know that Italians were there too But the chinese did but yeah, so So this jewish store was called michael's jews It's 37 years ago. A lot of limitations is done plus it's a spanish jewelry. It's called migels now You know what i'm saying right there

Two months later went in there again did the same trick took a ring same lady That's three little different old ladies, but no alarm on the buzzer. No buzzer on the door. Come on. Yeah I've been in a thousand jewelry stores with my mother growing up. There's always a buzzer on the door no buzzer I waited a month I went in there one day in the summer with a football jersey on there was a burger king down the corner So I go to the burger king get a chicken sandwich till I cross the street to go burnos get a patino de mame A papaya milkshake cuban style

I would finish it that would give me balls and then walk right in there and steal something So one day she drops a tray and they're all engagement rings. I'm like i'm thinking about getting engaged She goes what a great time of the year You know when she drops off a tray of fucking engagement bands I give her some idea comes in. Hi. I'm looking for wristbands. Okay. She just leaves me there This time I said fuck one or two I picked up my shirt I took the tray of rings. I put it under there the whole fucking train the whole fucking train just ran the fuck out of there

But on the run out I saw they had a tray on the counter that you could spin Spin and had gold chains and bracelets And this is a very weird thing to say, but I planned on robbing that I was just saving her for a rainy day September 13th 1982 opening game Pittsburgh against Dallas in the heat of their rivalry on monday night football Dallas at home. How do you know how's Dallas gonna lose at home on a monday night? You got a better chance of your mom getting raped My 10 black guys from turhawk, indiana

And she lives in fucking ventura county You know what i'm saying like they got to leave turhawk They quit columbia house and they take a train. They probably work at columbia house in turhawk, indiana That's the chances that you got of anybody beating dallas on a monday night Pittsburgh went into dallas and whooped him I put the bed in with camel breath. He was my teacher at the time We had we had graduated high school, but he was still cool. It's like me putting a fucking $4,000 bet with you if you don't pay they're gonna come for you. Yeah, I can't do that to sicklers

much as I was a criminal And I thought about that gold chain thing and I went down I had walked and I walked the streets And I saw how I was gonna do it what I needed You know what guys I could use I was running out of there with that gold chain there It's like a spindle with all I'm hanging on right yeah thousands and thousands of dollars and they said I'm gonna do it I had an attorney friend of mine. I asked him what would I get in trouble for he said grand theft not grand theft Grand larceny and other shit, but you'll be out in fucking two weeks I said fine

Got up that thursday morning, which if it was the 13th 14 15 16 Yeah, it was the 16th of september look it up 1982 Opening season opening game 1982 look who it was monday night monday night football Steelers cowboys cowboys, you know, i'm talking. This is when they would be that would be the monday night game This is when monday nights were I don't know what the score was, but I know they went into dallas and beat the fuck out of them

1981 80 82 83 footballs nfl season monday night schedule Uh sunday september 12 You think it's dallas? Give me monday the 13th. Look, I even remember what day it was who's better Pittsburgh dallas where? um At dallas come on Come on that was the final score. I don't know 36 28 pittsburgh. There you go and pittsburgh was given seven

I mean 36 a lot put up on the cowboys back then back then. This is horrible. Yeah Like first of all they were given seven and then when you call the book you drop the five. Oh Big mistake. That's what we turned around and high-fived everybody. We got this something All we gotta do is win by seven if that line it's a drop once the line dropped. We didn't know line It was uh, it was dallas minus five and a half Over 42 who the fuck do you people think you're dealing with some fucking ass? Like a drop all week it was seven And a drop to five and look they gave you the hook

To really let you know they were gonna fuck you in the ass So me and three of my buddies were like That's better four ways And we better four ways we watch we got a gram of clothes. How much did you put down? I think we bet 2000 to win 2000 for Dallas. Yeah, we had dallas in the under what came in the old book, right? Yeah, we were born losers 36 28 born losers losing with a tattoo on our head all four of us assholes three assholes

We've had 2000 on the old but 2000 on dallas and $2,000 parlay Damn you put six on so we had to come up with 50 something $100 And the cowboys almost came back too. It says oh, yeah, we almost came back But it wasn't gonna happen. I was there the kiss of death was there 82. Who was that? Is that stall back? It was uh, who is a daddy daniel white daniel white, maybe yeah, daniel white and then uh Bradshaw listen every time you lose money when you gamble you remember everything what your mother made for dinner Who cooked what who brought onion dip who brought chips? You remember every bad fucking I love you dude. I could knock it over you you're something else that thursday

I got up. I told my buddy timmy halloway that friday night that thursday night got me still my buddy We spoke last night timmy halloway And he put me to the test because I was the one like listen tomorrow. I gotta rob this thing I had three friends at the time they're as responsible as I was But at that time They had mothers They had fathers They had families they were going places. You know my odds of going places were at that time

Not much I wasn't going anywhere. I was just waiting to get our boomed I was just swimming in the water thinking life was a fucking joke I would put bets in with bookmakers and tell them to suck my dick There was this guy in high school. There was this guy put a button for like a thousand dollars This guy I ducked him like we were friends And one day I put a bet him with him and I ducked him for years No, no, I'm lying to you

I ducked him for about three weeks and one day he saw me playing basketball And he pulled over with a fucking chain Like a real chain and he goes Either you have my 220 hours. I'm gonna start whipping you with this fucking chain And before my friends came over and said look how you ain't doing nothing because we'll take the chain from you and fuck you up Because I'm coming back in a couple days. Guess what that dude killed himself before he could ever come back I was like I got away with that 220

Oh my god So yeah that dirt like I knew I had nothing going for me. So I didn't want to tell my friends I just told timmy I go to me pick me up at nine in the morning I'm gonna go rob michael's jeweler's tomorrow. I called my friend stinky We picked him up against his will. He's one of the guys that doesn't talk to me today. Yeah, which why would he That's very calm stinky. Give me and I ended up robbing the jewelry store without a gun at 10 in the morning in broad daylight Snatched it and all that's that ran and it's as fucked up as it sounds It's what let me knew I could do something with my life

Like it let me know. Okay. I'm not gonna be an archaeologist I'm not going to be a doctor. I'm not going to be a lawyer But I could be a damn fatigued because I already planned this all by my own and got away with it I got away That was the worst and that could have happened to me and then I got away with it because my hometown was corrupt The owner was the owner was like, well, I don't want him picked up If he gets arrested he goes he does 10 years, but he has to pay me restitution I'm not looking for restitution

So the owner paid off the cops. They dropped off the investigation. He collected his insurance money Oh, he just wanted insurance and everybody fucking locked down. Yeah, he must have put in there. That was worth two million Right. Yeah, exactly. So I saw him two years after that. He hugged me at a guest Fucking wild times and you think about your life and the lessons you learn, you know I can't I don't know. I mean, I guess everyone's just a different person, but the idea that you liked Having people looking for you and loved it that loved it

So what changed when he went to prison? He fall asleep because you could finally relax Like what you said you could finally relax in prison So it seemed like at a certain point you stopped liking it Not that I stopped liking it. It was just that that was it that I was caught The game was over and I had to do that again. I mean, don't get me wrong Hour and a half after I walked out of the halfway house I was back in between prison and the halfway house Come on

They let me loose from the prison and told me to get myself to the halfway house. They did. Yeah I called the friend picked me up Let's stop and get an eight ball and then drop me off at the halfway house Because whatever level you walk in with you have to work backwards Okay, so in between the halfway house, they're not responsible. So I smoked and toast So when they finally pissed me like you just came from a rehab facility And you it's like you did coke three days ago. Nah, that was four years ago So they start from there, you know, I was the only person I was counting was myself right?

Yeah, that's right. You know, it's like when somebody tells you I'm shooting a Netflix I'm shooting a special to tell Netflix good luck You're gonna walk into Netflix and sell me a special you taped the fucking chat nougat some fucking bar With some band in the back playing sweet home all about What else is going on in your life, brother Now right now I'm just being a dad Outside of comedy and everything. I'm just being a dad. I'm trying to be a better dad

I mean, I'm a good dad, but I want to be a better dad. You know, I grew up I grew up by default without a dad because my dad died when I was 16 you talk about going back to To shit you won't shake and changes you as a person. We found our dad dad dead in his bed Um, and then shortly after that We had to move in with our mother. She left us. We were we were my brothers and I raised ourselves She would come home once a week to do laundry. We wouldn't see her after that And then moved in with my dad's mom When she kicked us out of the house and then she dropped dead in front of me. I'm giving her cpr mouth to mouth

I mean that's shit I'm dealing with it right now. It's mortality is what I think about a lot now, especially being a parent and I'm in I go to therapy. I went I went to uh, dr. Drew told me to go see somebody He's like it's specific and there's an end to it's not just talking to someone. It's called edmr and um You know talk therapy you just got a box of shit in your head You open that lid and you just pull things out and then when it's done you put them back in there and you go about your shit, but this

For lack of a better explanation is a type of therapy where when that stuff's out It's like we're not going to put that back in about we're going to move that shit over here We're going to put that over in the garage. You know, you don't need to deal with that You don't need to deal with it, you know and figure out a different way to think about your shit And then you'll be able to understand it better So i'm i've been a month in on that and it's been pretty fucking interesting and you just just from talking She'll sit and listen to me you want to know what I heard this hour And then she'll lay it out and she'll go I go oh and then her mom's my mom and I'm

You know and you start putting yourself in these positions of who you are now Uh, and you you know all of it's rooted in in childhood, you know, you worry about Uh being a good parent because you didn't have one sometimes you're over correct Um, but I'm pretty fucking even killed. I'm relaxed with her. I don't yell at my daughter I don't raise I don't try not to raise my voice too. I get a little bit. I'm like that's enough like that She played me no one night. It was one too long ago She wasn't listening to her mom We're all walking in the grocery store and her mom's telling her to listen. She's not listening

I finally turned around say hey, that's enough and she hid behind Her mom's legs, but she hid like I beat the shit out of my kid And these Santa Monica parents saw that started looking at me. I was like, uh-uh. We ain't having any of that bullshit here That's that's bullshit right there. How old is your daughter? She'll be five in october Do you see the gap that you fell in her life? Oh, yeah Is it just when you oh and again? I'm not trying to be rude to anybody we're in the comedy game and A good guy came on this podcast once and alerted me tonight. He goes you're in uh

He goes in he's a musician Rudy Sarzon. He said that you have to assume That's true. I mean 50 of us that are doing this together other friends We have luggage. Oh, we have luggage as mental issues. We're fucked up. I've accepted it. You know, yeah, I've accepted these things Look, there's something wrong. Here's the thing There's something off With with any every comedian the fact that you want to get up make a room full of strangers laugh That's that's not normal. That's something off, but it's it's often a beautiful way. You know, it's it's taking this trauma That's what my podcast is all about you come on

It's taking I say highlighting the lowlights the honeydews you're taking All this negative shit that happened to you and even through the tears and the anger and the frustration the anxiety the stress That whatever you're still finding a moment to figure out where that fucking funny is in there And that's what I appreciate about comedians. I mean I have more even more appreciation sitting down week after week listening to these people take their fucking dark trauma and spin it into To funny and and just like wow And it's a different way to look at something than curling up in the corner and crying or or self medicating or

any of that so You know, she's five. She knows she Look, she's gonna hear all these podcasts. I'm not I can't lie to my kid I can't ever lie to my daughter about drugs drinking my way. We grew up. No, it's all on needs. All she has to do is listen So I think honestly I've always told her mom if anything ever fucking happens to me you have her listen to the podcast She'll know who her real father is I write to my daughter. You do I have a journal. I would do jack man. Yeah

And every three days I write what I'm feeling in the morning What I'm feeling at night what she learned for the day I've been writing her for about three years I want her to read these when I'm dead You know I want her to hear about my daughter from me. I wanted to hear about the kidnapping from me I want her to hear about all these things from me in time right right now i'm just

What she's reading is Because when you're with your child whether it's a boy or a girl you just it's I love to do a show about raising my daughter, but at the same time getting flashbacks To what I was doing, you know all the time What the fuck was on yesterday? Oh Beneath the planet of the apes that came on 1970

That makes me officially whether I lie or not seven years fucking old. I was born february 19 1963 I saw Beneath the planet of the apes in the movie theaters And without so dull supervision me and three other fucking lunatics from the block Told my mother we're gonna be playing in the alley and we disappeared for two hours to go see Beneath the planet of the apes When they take their skin off and show the Statue of Liberty on the beach tipped over and all that That movie sent me for a loop but just the fact that My mother didn't know where the fuck I was for two and a half hours

Gets me angry Yep, but then again it shows the spunk I had by having the balls to go to the movie theater So when I sit with my daughter and she's reading a dinosaur book on my lap I don't know what the fuck she's saying about Pantologists and shit like that, but it's interesting because I'm feeling that void We talked to a lot of comics and we talked we're in contact with a lot of women in the comics. Yeah You ever talked to a hot hot woman comic?

No, you could fuck her if you tried But at the same time, you know, you're not gonna get there because it's damaged goods You're not putting it down. I have a lot of female friend comics But I could tell they're damaged goods and I could tell where the damage comes from You know, yeah, like yeah me for years. I blamed everything on my mother guess what? It wasn't my mother's death that affected me as my father's death affected me At three because I didn't know anything. That's right till this day. I don't know anything So that's why I write in that book for her. Yeah, she's gonna listen to podcasts. It's 2000 of these somewhere

There's 2000 of us But I also wanted to read My side of the story without the jokes Without the opinions just this is what happened Nobody else is gonna tell you different. Nobody else should tell you different. You know, I think I'm gonna cut the drug use down That's the only thing I'm gonna cut down a little bit I don't want her to grow up thinking that her hero did drugs We're our kids heroes. Oh, yeah, every time they hear us

But I have to I'm hungover from last night That goes into that little head Every time you hear well, we're gonna take you over to Lee's house. You're gonna play with Madeline While me and the parents are gonna go out and drink and party night They hear that when you drink a bottle in front of your son, he sees that When my daughter smells marijuana in the bathroom, I know that you know what I'm saying? So I want to eliminate the drug use The drug talk till later on till she gets I wanted to get

My youth I wanted to understand my mother's death What I went through those five years of being lost, you know, there's so many things that that's what's great about parenting But the simple thing of all of it is and you said it it's just be there be there That's it Shut your fucking you don't need a fucking trip to europe and all How fucking crazy is that and we're taking cruises and just be there just be at the fucking games and show That you're interested. That's it. That's it. That is fucking it That's all they look you you lost your father at three. I lost mine at 16

I can tell you that it wouldn't have mattered if I lived in a palatial mansion It wouldn't have made that feel any better. It doesn't matter how much fucking money we had or cars It would have hurt Just as bad and none of that would have helped or fucking mattered none of it. None of it made any difference So just being there and and showing a genuine interest is all you fucking really need to do You're you are imperfect, you know You were mini apples last week. How was it? I sent you that picture. Yeah on the wall. There was great, man Rick and tammy have great clubs up there. That's that's great

Yeah, thank you. They are nice hotel. Yeah, great hotel everything they take care of a lot more Yeah, and i'm gonna go back. I'm gonna show them baltimore september 14th We're at it. It's called the famous. It's this these guys, man. They're jimmy's famous seafood So they hurt me on rogue and they sent me this fucking baltimore care package crab cakes crab dip crab crab crab crab And I said well shit man when I come back. Coco's is any good What's that? Coco's and baltimore any good? Coco crab house. Oh, that's uh, uh, uh, cno. I think you're talking about. They're good. Yes. They stay mail them to you Yep, but this place sent that same thing

Send it out. I matter of fact, I got a four dozen and eight crab cakes coming this saturday to my buddies in temecula I'm taking my daughter down to go hang out. Oh, yeah, how fresh are they? They're fresh, man. They're fresh. So Um, I take her back and I say just as a thank you. I'm gonna come in and have dinner there I'll invite family for I had a 30 people show up just to come see me and hang out his place And he ended up being in in greece and the time this is like five in the morning This dude is fucking his name is john. I'm in a doc. What's the name of this restaurant jimmy's famous seafood I'll give you all the info. Yeah, I'm gonna order some of them. I promise you great crab cakes Dude the best and and not just crab cake. They got jumbo stump crab stuff shrimp

I'm telling you I'll show you so I go in And he's calling me to make sure me and my family or to he's in greece calling to make sure where are they taking care? You take I say, yeah, yeah, so he said they're gonna take you on a little tour Of the spot after and then we're gonna take your picture and put you on the wall fame and I the wall fame in there is the rock Every fucking raven any and if I mean it's big time people So they take me upstairs and it's a now when I was a kid We would go there every now and then to grab crab cakes and leave because my aunt lived in highland town And they're right on the edge of the of the city

And it used to just be their house and you know, they didn't get permits or anything their dad built this fucking restaurant and they Took it to the next level. So they're doing tailgates They're doing but you know if when when rogan came to town They had they had a pre-party at their restaurant and then you could pay It included a ticket a meal drinks and a bus ride over to the arena and back So you could tailgate there. They throw the biggest tailgate I'm gonna be uh, when I go back in ball in september ed reed's gonna host this one That's my favorite football player ever so I get to hang out with ed reed meet ed reed

Um, so I go upstairs and they show me this fucking event room and I was like, you got to be fucking This is a comedy club. What's his seat? It seats 200 with tables or 300 no tables But he's like, I'll give you 100 of the door, but let me keep the tables in so I can make my money with food and drink But it's I don't want people staying. No, it's separated off It's got its own bar in it its own restrooms in it It is piped for sound perfectly and they do all the ravens events there everything like they have it fucking down So I said shit The other club won't even book me here in town. Why don't you let me do a show here? He's like done

So I sold two shows out and went back last year. So this year. I'm already doing one on september 14th So I'm gonna make it hopefully a yearly or at least Every other year I go back and do a show there because I just love going back to my hometown and I don't care How big I get I would love to keep doing a little show like that, you know and give back and keep the ticket prices cheap People come in they and it's great food. So they're all eating before they come up. They're drinking There's no minimums or any of that. You can get up and walk serve yourself His staff is first class. I mean, it's the fucking shit. So I'm going back there and and the little spot is called the famous He calls it the famous Jimmy. So that club in there is called the famous

So I go do it like I've been doing this will be my second one there and I want to keep doing them with them They're just great people. What are the dates you got coming up? I'll be out with tom sagora in octo. I'm at the ice house this month The labor day weekend. What is it the 31st? I think it is saturday night. Me too. Are you there 7 30 in the states too? Yeah, I'm there. I'm doing the main room and then baltimore september 14th, and then I'm on I'll be doing some dates with sagora again, but just go to ryancyclo.com It's all there. All the dates will be there and the honey do how many days a week you're doing that

Honey do is one day a week out of your mom's house studios The honey do podcast comm subscribe check it out. It's all about we sit here and talk about highlighting the lowlights laughing at all Those dark times. What else can you fucking do? I love podcasting because every episode is something different. Yeah, that's what I love about Some episodes will come in here laugh. I'll fucking asses off till we puke, you know Some of them begin to serious topics. Some of them. We just talk about one topic. That's great To me, that's the best thing about fucking podcasting, man. No, I'm gonna be on the honey do next month again Yeah, we only got to age nine with you We got fucking 47 years to go

like time will cover 10 to 14 When I robbed raul I robbed the city cross the street from my house As he was moving in he rocked he moved in and I saw him and his family get back in the truck and leave So me and my buddies went in there and robbed them And I ended up taking the stereo with two speakers tremendous fissure With the components. Yeah, that was a good set But then guess what me and fucking raul became friends. So he'd come over you go. Let's go play in your room

I'm like we can't So for a year How come I can't go to your room? It's a secret highly spotted Ryan sickle always a pleasure, brother. I love you. Thank you for having me on. I love you all my heart Uh, if there's anything we could do for you, you know, we're here for you and I will definitely be On the honey do next month before my chicago date. Yeah, come on. So we could uh talk about nine to the age Yeah, yeah, and again, we'll both be at the ice house

On the 31st and the only other date I got on there is friday the 13th Wash that pussy and kill your cat. I'm at the dallas. I'm at the majestic theater I'm there with the guys who shot kennedy. They'll all be there doing a gun display Showing you how they shot him from the nolly bush. What do they call the grassy? No Yeah, the grassy. I took that tour the nolly, but they ever have you ever taken it? No Why would I take it because once you get up in that window you look out that window you're like there is no All you gotta do is get up in the window Nothing you can't even see a tiny chick giving a tiny blowjob from that

They expect you like the guy was johnny houdini. He had one eye like a look around the world It's such a setup and the grassy. No as soon as you walk into the area. It smells like philadelphia today It smells like gunpowder and blood and fucking People running for their lives. It's a fucking nightmare like I said the 13th at the lincoln uh at the majestic theater in dallas And this 7 30 8 31 with my man my main man over in the big room sickler and then on the 27th Of september i'm at the chicago theater with fucking dean delray and just added

Kate quigley she's got to add 20 pounds to a pussy. I'm not taking a pussy's too skinny to go to chicago The chicago women have big fucking snatches. I'm gonna show up with kate with that little chin See how pussy has like a little devil. She wears those bikinis. I'm like, there's no lump in there I want to see that crab cake. You know that has that It's all about that lump, bro What are you gonna stake at not dan tanners, but the other place where they put the lump crab Mixed with the the thing she's got to go like a pussy inserter Tom I like the uh, yeah, what is the place uh roose chris roose chris. Yeah, they got like a lot. They got like, uh

Lesbian pants with already mistletoes. What do you call those camel toes already in place? What the fuck you call those things? And now for a word from our sponsors Let me talk to you savages about something. All right, and this is as important as could be Internet privacy is dead as we know it. That is why I use express vpn express vpn Runs the background of no Runs in the background of your computer or your phone

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I want to thank vincero I want to thank express vpn I want to thank my cousin cbdlion.com the best And I also want to thank him hymns. Why go bald and lose your heart on go to four hymns.com right now That's how we do it here me and sickler august 31st I'm at the chicago at majestic theater in dallas September 13th

It's bad luck day. Who gives a fuck hit your mother-in-law in the head with a ladder. You won't have to walk under And then under 27th or whatever the fuck go to chicago theater and they got tickets on sale For k quickly dean delray and myself. All right. Stay black. Have a good week And we'll see you motherfuckers nice and early tip top magoo monday morning Now august something. I don't know what the fuck the day is. I love you guys. Stay black Take this motherfucking mule lee Oh Oh

Oh You Yeah I know I caused you so much pain I promise that I'll never hurt you again Even though the scars remain Really little time I know we can win Can't stop this fire

Lost control of my desire Still burns you And it always used to do Anytime anytime You want me anytime every time You're lonely You just have to cry because you'll know I'll be there Every time every time

You need me every time every time Make me your dream Waking up all alone Your heart is screaming Oh And after the war is over And all the fight is through Can I make my peace with you?

I want to come home to you Every time every time You want me anytime every time You're lonely You just have to cry because I'm always there Every time every time You need me every time Make me your dreamer

Waking up all alone Your heart is screaming Every time You want me anytime every time You want me so lonely So lonely But you know I'll be there Yeah

Just let me be And you turn this down All I am dreaming Waking up all alone Your heart is screaming