Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #715 - Rich Vos

Episode Date: September 2, 2019

Rich Vos, a stand up comedian you know from Comedy Central, Sirius XM, and the podcast he cohosts, "My Wife Hates Me," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Stance Socks - Stance has all styles of socks in tons of amazing designs including MLB, Star Wars and Quentin Tarantino. Go to www.stance.com/church and you'll get a free pair of socks with any purchase.    MyBookie.ag -  Use code promo Church to get a 100% match on your first deposit up to $1,000.   

It's Monday Labor Day you cock-suckers the church what's happened now is brought to you by Stance socks listen that old pack of white gym socks your mom used to buy it at the grocery store is now a Thing of the past. Thanks. God. You know why cuz stance has changed the game They brought art and good design. It would used to be a boring old sock now when you show a little ankle You're also showing up. What makes you special? Whatever you're into. They got Star Wars socks They got Harley Davidson socks. They even got grateful dead Inspired socks every football Baseball and basketball team. They got that too. So listen right now the church family

Stance has a great offer go to stance comm slash church and you'll get a free pair of socks With any purchase the G what I just said a free pair of socks What any purchase start the fall off with some nice socks do something nice for yourself take care of yourself That stance get a pen s t a n c Com slash church to get your free pair of socks This office only available for limited time So get your socks today at stance comm slash church because if they're not stance

They're not just socks Also, the church is brought to you by my bookie. Listen, let me answer your question If you find a thousand the street, would you pick it up? Would you keep walking around like a fucking mook? Of course, you'd fucking pick it up. So why do you keep picking winners and not bet them? Tell me why that's why you got to go to my bookie. It's fast It's easy and they pay when you win now. Let me tell you what they're gonna do They're gonna double your deposit. Did you understand what I'm just said to you They're gonna double your deposit now use promo code church grab a pen

CH you are CH to get a hundred percent bonus on your initial deposit up to a thousand dollars Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with? This is my bookie dot a g visit my bookie dot a g today Again, grab a fucking pen my bookie My B. Oh, okay I eat dot a g and don't forget to use the promo code church When creating your account to claim your bonus, listen with my bookie a g you play you win You get paid and check me and check my Instagram on Thursday I'll be dropping a little video for you for little cock suckers to teach you how it's done. All right

So I'll see you guys Thursday, but for right now go to my bookie dot a g They'll double your first deposit now. That's my bookie dot a g kick this motherfucking muley Shit The legend rich barge Fucking tremendous Lenny Krabbs. What's up? What's up, man? I got a Lenny Krabbs How's it going man? This is fun. This is not look at this. This is how it should be This is a very nice little office that me and Bonnie do it at a dining room table, but this is the real deal Like I pulled in there was a gate. This was the real deal. I thought I was going to get my car out of in-pound

No, we try I scored this office by mistake. This is great We had we had three other locations that were just a nightmare and this one has in the big the first seven months here We had a hard time and it's been are you not allowed you're not allowed to sleep here or anything? Are you know, but if I was a single guy, and I was a comic. Yeah, there's a YM. She had down the corner There's the refrigerator. You got Netflix and your notebook That couch look at that's a bed. You could put a thousand you put a thousand things in here. Yeah. Oh, yeah parking Yeah for 750 a month

Yeah, and if they said your sleeper you go, no, I do my stuff at night. Yeah, I'm a night man You put the fan on yeah at night. They got air conditioning or you could bring something. What are you kidding me? I might even I might even sublet it This is you know when I lived in Seattle and I was just drug and comic I lived in an office and The lady the cleaning lady would knock on the door every night and I wouldn't let her in if that's how they figured out Yeah, I had a towel on the floor with a little pillow with a blankie Look, I no shower you joined the gym around the corner I was the healthiest I ever was look I talked about this on radio or pocket and people thought that's crazy

But you go in Manhattan or in Jersey you rent a storage space for your furniture You know, there were couch in there with a how the fuck did they know? What you're doing in your store you go in there in the day for three four hours taking that you don't have to get a hotel Today, you know what I'm saying or It's hot in there though Those ways to figure shit out those storage. Yeah, they are no windows. There's no ventilation You'd go crazy and one of those in the daytime So we we went to Brazil back in it all of us me Patrice nor all of us and we're there to meet, you know people and

I met a girl there that I started dating right in Brazil from New York You know, they're all going to the to the to the house whatever to the place, you know, $40 whatever robes Everything so I met this girl So I started dating her and she said well, you know every now and then I used to date Lenny Kravitz Right when he came into town, whatever So, okay now this guy's playing the guard and what so she came to see me do comedy for the first time I was at Boston Comedy Club and she brought brought three friends from school that she went to college with Now she's never seen me. So I was hosting that night and I came out of the gate too strong and

I was bombing so bad That I couldn't even look at her and her friends in the court, you know when you're Bob, you know I couldn't even look at them. What year was this? Ah, this had to be I Been married 15 years ago had to be 18 or 19 years ago, maybe 20 years ago and You know, this is a girl that day Lenny Kravitz didn't watch me bomb at Boston Comedy Club Let's say the thing didn't really last between us They walked out, you know when they walk out and they don't even look at you either You know you did bad

They can't look you in the face the best is when they come up to you and shake your hand. Yeah, it's gonna be all right It's oh my god They get like four of those in your career. Yeah, and that's the week you get evicted Your girlfriend leaves you for a Puerto Rican dude that plays the drum Uncut and then and then That's when that one fan comes up to you and says You'll do better next time I remember my first wife and I

We went to a ruber for a week. I took her to a ruber the day we get back. She goes I want a divorce. I go well, you couldn't have told me that a week earlier. You know what? I mean, we went to waste like a youthly attorney So now I'm Depressed I'm in New York, you know, we're talking on the phone and see and next you know I walk out at a comedy show and I see my car on the tow truck And I'm going it can it get any worse and I had no money back then I had no money You know now I keep money in case of emergency everywhere, you know, I'm saying just like anxiety medicine

I got a stashed, but I had no money and I had to go into the summer to find a comic with money and get my It's just when shit is falling apart. Oh my god. It falls apart The fuck apart and when you're doing comedy I think there's a point in your comedy career where things really do fall apart and it's a test To see if you'll quit. It's a test from life. Yeah, I was at the point where You know, we all have those stories of nights where we put our hands in our heads and said Well, I mean you and I are from the same background you and I are from the streets You're from a savagery area letting them know where I play field playing field

Camden same difference and salking Neptune. Yeah, you know, that's a different mentality and When I got into comedy rich, I don't know if it was the same for you. This was it Nothing else. Nothing. What were you when you got into come? I think I was like 28 and what were you doing before that anything? Scamming, you know, I've done say I would bow. I mean for years. I not years I used to have a painting business, but I you know, I fucked that up doing, you know, blow and stuff You know, I'm partying and then I did whatever any type of sales canvas sales sales out of my car Salt cars, whatever, you know Maintain the habit and scam, you know, I was it was always a scam always, you know

And and and I talk about this one of my best scams Was I would go to garage sales and I find an old set of golf clubs, you know, they have for like five dollars They're just beat up old golf clubs five dollars for the set So I would take by him then I would go to the to the deal and go yo man Give me a gram on credit and I'll leave my clubs as collateral Don't sell my clubs. Let me tell you I made drug dealers in my town have old garage sale golf clubs It was it was a real good scam, you know So I did whatever I could to get over and whatever it was but then when I started comedy

Like I knew because I grew up loving comedy, you know prior Murphy I'd listen to old stuff, you know, you know Steve Landisburg Bob Newhart, you name it. I just love comedy Then I went to a couple clubs with his dude. He was my dealer, you know, and we went to some clubs What were the clubs you went to I went to one in New Jersey called penny arcade Okay, and I saw who just passed away Mike Reynolds I go this is the funniest man alive. I Think it was him in Mitchell Walters. I'm going this is the funniest I've ever I go this is great

Then we went to catch the rise and star a couple times and I saw, you know all these New York comics and Hyrum cast and I'm going this is this guy's great, you know, and just the comics that were going on 30 years ago 29 years ago in New York I go this and then I started doing I didn't know what I was doing in the beginning, but I know I got to do this You know and then and then Maybe a year of whatever go I started booking one-nighters in my town so I could host and Then other guys like me that were booking one-nighters and like Connecticut Long Island I'll go you could work my gig if I could work yours then we would trade

Yeah, you have something to work we would trade, you know, and I brought in guy I had guys at my one-nighter, you know like back then Dennis Wolfberg Joe bolster Mulroney, I had I had Richard Jenny opening full for Mulroney, you know and Richard Jenny, you know Mulroney, I go just bring whoever you want So we you know they get to the gig and Jenny's like he's got this attitude, right? And he goes, I don't know if you know who I am, but I'm Richard Jenny. I work at the rise and star I go well, you're working here for $60 tonight Right, but he and one of the best comics throughout the 80s and 90s hands down

Hands down and he had an attitude from day one because he knew he was that good, you know I mean and I always got along with you guys I got along with Richard Jenny really well. Yeah, I rest his soul. He taught me a lot I learned I worked a few weeks with him and just watching him. I was like whoa, whoa Did you did you ever see Dennis Wolfberg work? No man This guy clean Powerhouse he was up. I mean just killed for same with all those guys back then John Mulroney

There was tons of them that used to just slaughter on stage. I heard John Mulroney was a killer. Oh Killer crowd work the best crowd work and You know real good-looking girls loved of me just you just go up there and slay and it was such in The 80s there was so much work So many, you know in Jersey, what year did you get into this racket? I Let's see. I There I guess I've been doing it 35 years Because I got 33 years clean and I was getting high for two at least two years in the business you 35 years clean

No, 33 years 33 years clean But I was getting high when I started first first couple years at least two So I've been doing it for like 35 years, but the first two years was in a blackout, but you know so 35 if you think about it if I had a goddamn job at a post office I could have retired and had a pension by now. I could be living Work-free, but as a comic you don't quit you quit when you're dead you can't quit this. How could you quit? What else am I gonna do? You know Bonnie's like let's move to LA and I'll get a writing job. I don't fuck that. I'm like

I work in you know, I'm in New York. That's my base. I could work in the city And you know and I go on the road from New York You still go on the road every week. I heard a lot. Yeah pretty much You know one You know, I got to keep coming up with new material, you know, I'm putting out my sixth album It's ready now, but I might not release it till around Christmas But I'll put it on serious now, but I got to keep writing and creating to stay as relevant as I can You know, you know comics that get caught caught up in shit. They were doing ten years ago. That's terrible

You know, are you kidding me? You know, I can't I can't talk about Nixon. I Keep creating so when I go on the road, I'm doing an hour minimum So I could do new material like New York. There's guys in New York You know, they'll bounce around and do spots and they'll work out there I work my stuff out on the road because I'm gonna get paid and Workout new material, you know what I'm saying. So you don't go out there in a week Where it's in New York. Yeah, I'll go to New York One or two nights at the most

But if I'm in town, I'll work the weekend. Okay, so that's what I do. Yeah, listen I'm to the point where you know from 91 to 2004 I was out seven nights a week, you know Yeah, you are seven nights a week and then it trimmed down to five nights a week and then it was still animalistic You know, you're out every night and once my wife had the baby. I Got a little older. I can't go to the store every night till now in the morning It just I would be dead because of the sleep issues. I don't sleep well

Yeah, I wouldn't go to bed till two and I'd be wide awake at six. That means by Wednesday I got to cancel everything on my agenda because I can't fucking move. Yeah, I get that tired So I've learned to now it's Tuesday Thursday and Saturday if I'm in town I'll try to do those two shows at the county store. So I'll do the main room Thursday. Yeah original. That's five spots If I stay home the whole month, that's 20 spots. That's not bad. That's not bad. Plus I'm rushing Plus I'm writing and you're doing two podcasts a week You're doing somebody else's and I'm being the most important thing I can be a father That's listen everything else. What changes, you know, last night I was looking at my daughter at the table. I

Have a podcast with her on Tuesdays about science. I was telling you. Oh, yeah, just that we don't tape or nothing We just do it to entertain us so she reads And I was sitting there going, you know It's a shame. I have to go out seven nights a week You know, I have to go out at night. I know if she personally doesn't like it. She lives with it I explained that we keep the lights on She doesn't like it. I just know I know her type But I feel like I'm in the mafia

What would you do if you were in the mafia and you were known as a top-hit man and one day by mistake You got your girlfriend pregnant and now you got these two kids and every day when you leave you don't know if you're coming home Yeah I might get into a shootout for days the day that they might find a gun from 68 Or the days the day that I get arrested for something, you know, and I feel the same way now like Between you and I I love going on the road. I love it. I think I loved it when I was getting high Oh, yeah when I was getting high. Oh my god That was I could I could stay clean for three days because I knew I was going away for four and nobody would see me

It was part of the addiction. Oh my god. Yeah, it's easy to stay clean on the Tuesday because it's coming Wednesday Yeah, they're already waiting for me in Houston the packages in that was he saying in Carlitos way the holes are dug The sandbags are ready like I'd be ready to go now that I have no addiction The road I still love doing comedy, but I know I can't go out every weekend. Well, here's the thing in New York I just like this weekend. I'm in New York I'm at a club and I'm doing it like a door. Whatever. I mean, it's it's a showcase club, but I'm headlining it So It'll be instead of three acts doing 20 minutes

I do an hour and I'll get everybody's money. You see what I'm saying, right, but then you know And if I wanted to which I didn't I could have put late spots in at the cellar, you know I could walk out of New York in the city on a weekend with a thousand or more dollars or If I'm headlining Gotham, then it's real money, you know when your headline so but I'll do spots I won't go crazy if I'm in town on a weekend I'll do a couple spots at the stand one at one at the cell like three spots on a Friday three on a Saturday I might go in on the Tuesday, you know what I mean, but when I go on the road, you know And I won't go for more than a week, you know, I don't I always have to come home

I have to come home. So I'll do what Thursday through Saturday or Sunday and then come home Be home Monday Tuesday Wednesday, whatever, you know, and and if I go out again and a lot of stuff on the East Coast also is You know say I'm working Baltimore or DC, you know I'm going in for Friday Saturday, and I'm gonna drive home Saturday night after the gig four hours, whatever drive come back from Boston Connecticut, so, you know and now in October November. We got this big tour. We're starting Creeps the Creeps were kids tour, which it's me Bobby Kelly Florentine and Bennington. This is a monster show is a monster. I mean it's a monster show We did one show in in Pennsylvania from beginning to end. It's just

Murderers row just beginning to end the it's creeps were kids calm so we got this tour October November and You know it's Friday Saturday East Coast we got Chicago and I Pittsburgh, but you know You're with your friends. I'm out doing comedy with my friends in a theater No chicken fingers in the front row No checks being dropped, you know and It's just it, you know, I'm looking forward to that, you know, you know, it's crazy when we first started comedy and

I Didn't get the formula So my second like two and a half years and then I got the formula and I put it into work The formula is get on stage and right. Yeah, that's the formula. That's it. That's it. Nothing else works Just get on stage and right get on stage and right digging Get into the community get your five friends. Everybody books a room You know, you always got something to work with for me was the bolder broker You don't get burnt out what you do when you when you're first an open mic or is you bomb?

Because you're burnt out. You don't even know you're burnt out, but you don't have time to burn out You can't like I've never heard an open mic. I said, I'm taking a week on when you're an open mic Yeah, yeah, you'd never take a week off. That doesn't even exist in your mind unless you get hit by a car and Unless your mother's passed away and even then the third night of the week, you better go do some fucking time Yeah, at least that's a funeral. Yeah Yeah, that's what keeps you going. It really does it really people have no idea But as you get older and other things come into your life, you know, for me it was a child on the podcast

Yeah, okay, I knew That I wanted to put time and effort into the podcast to get my word out to put my heart into it to get my You know, it takes time you got to think of ideas and you have to get guests and so For me to be fair to the audience Because I don't want them to ever feel like I'm just going through the motion. Yeah. Yeah, yeah I told Theo last week Theo von book the movie. Congratulations for Theo. I've heard of him He's a Atlanta training right now great guy And he was really concerned about book like he was very concerned about taking the film

Because of canceling and I said Caroline's Comedy on Broadway They'll all be there next year this movie with Chris whatever only comes once that's number one number two I could tell your birth that they've destroyed you they've destroyed Uh-huh, and he goes by the way, I just I just canceled Brian next week and I can't do it I go They can't do it no more. I was here for years and well

I've been here for 22 years and I watched from Bobby Slayton to So the girl that Wendy Liebman. Yeah, so all of them go from working 52 weeks To working nothing and I would say first of Ralphie. Let's take Ralphie for example Ralphie was a dear friend to you and a dear friend to me. I Learned so much from Ralphie. I'm not what to do Like it was burnt out to the max. Yeah. Yeah, and I know what 300 pounds what it's like I know what my knees feel like after a show and I got to go back to room put ice on my knees after two shows I put my feet up watch Sopranos or whatever the fuck I watch on Netflix

So I can't imagine what that kid was going through, you know non-stop non-stop. Yeah, you know, he would go to markets I would go you were just there But the agents he didn't know they were just booking them. So we learned from the people who come In front of us we learned, you know, so for me the formula that worked So my wife my daughter the podcast and the road wouldn't work out is the life. I'm living right now Yeah, the summer only went out one week a month. Well Tutor, you know when one today just today They go, oh, we got to move your date in Minneapolis

And I and I go oh instead of going ash I went oh, that's great because the week after I'm in Vegas. I go good I get to stay home a week when we I go let's and I said we'll move it to May or June next year I'm plus. I don't want to go to Minneapolis and in the winter I go, let's wait till next year and so it didn't phase me because I know I'm gonna work it and You know, you're I mean we've done a million things like you do See back in the day, you know, I got to get to sitcom. I got to do this do that You know, I did last comic standing and I had a big opportunity then because it was the first season

I could have moved to LA and shit would have happened like I'm not leaving my kids my daughters were I don't know 12 and 10 then or whatever they were 14 and 12 I go look if it doesn't happen on the East Coast it ain't gonna happen But I tell you what I was there watching my kids grow up play basketball do you know, whatever so now You there's so many things you create your own projects Bonnie and I have fucking, you know, we made a movie. We did this fucking roast, you know, I do all my own CDs You know what we got our own projects, you know, we do

special shows at at at you know with Montreal Moontow or Skangfest, you know, would you back bang on? You know, so, you know, you could do your own shit this year right here. This was not a herd of 15 when we started no this wasn't heard of you know coming you got your own studio You're a fucking radio show that you put together yourself You see, you know what I'm saying, you know, you like and that's why back in the day. I Used to respect, you know, like Larry the Cable guy Dane cook all these people because they went around the industry and made shit happen on their own and became Fucking multi-millionaires an agent never made a career. No

Okay, that's the mist. I love when people go while I signed a new agent my life's gonna change your life's not gonna change No, you signed with a new car show still got to go in that fucking yeah You still got to go in those Breakdowns and find your roles if you want to be an actor and you know what you got to fax your veils Remember when you used to fax your veils or email your veils remember sending press kits Oh my god press kits with the fucking fake article the Washington reporter Is a natural My resume it was I opened for Richard Belzer. Did I put in parentheses big deal?

And I used to send out blank tapes You see, you know, they weren't watching no you go how many times you get paid and you see 2,000 tapes with six inches of dust Poor bastard is somewhere in Minneapolis gone, man, I'm telling you he's gonna call any day. He's gonna watch my take It's hysterical how I remember I was truck remember Kevin Kearney. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah catcher. Where is he? Huh? Where is he's in Vegas? I don't know. He's not I don't know what he's doing, but he lives in Vegas I'm pretty nice guy. He started in Philly. I knew him from Philly, right? I tormented him For 10 years to get the catcher eyes. Yeah, you know, send me a tape. I would send them blank tapes I like your tape, but I got to find the spot for you

Your dirty blah blah blah blah blah blah it took 10 years and one day she would call me and I walked in the door You know, it was like you were chasing this dream and one day after all the work you put in to get in Nothing all of a sudden a guy just calls me and says you're working this club. I mean, you're like, oh That easy Well, I remember working Pittsburgh I was at your brother's and I went hung out with you I went I left my club I got a joey's in town and I drove over to your place

You were with the Snyder brothers creepy brothers. Yeah, the funny bone or whatever the fuck Oh, that's why I did my first CD at that club the one with that fucking incline behind it ready to crash through the building But I I don't know if you remember this, but I came down and we were hanging out that'd be 2005. It was Holy fuck. It was easily 2006. Yes. It was easily back then You know It was back in the day, but we were both that in town I don't fucking chose and I don't even know how the fuck. I knew you back then how the fuck did I know you or we knew each other I Was a fan of yours. You were the one I

Was a fan of yours before I started comedy. I watch you on Sun like a bee or something black You are the only white guy or something and I always remembered you. I wasn't into comedy I was talking people doing eight balls. I was doing time comedy was not it. This is 88. Yeah 89 90 90 when I got out of the joint was when I started watching comedy very quietly Very quietly. I wouldn't tell people I was thinking about it people in jail told me a couple friends on the car lot told me I was thinking about it. So I was watching BET tapes Jotori warming up for the ET Martin Lawrence. I studied Rodney danger field The young comedians with Hicks dice that at that episode. Yeah, just an example. I was at that taping

I wouldn't watch that tape. No, you at danger fields with ice. No, yeah, it was the dice one. I think it was either the dice Yeah, I think maybe even Carol leaf or maybe Carol leaf or yes The black dude that made the movie with his credit cards. Oh, Robert Townsend Yeah, I was at one of the tapings. It was either that one already comedy then. Yeah, I just went to watch Wow standing, you know In danger fields and and I stood in the hallway and I'm pretty cuz I knew Hicks not I wasn't like Yeah, I knew Hicks from working with him not like we didn't call each other but when we saw each other, you know, he liked me and I You know, so yeah, but you're saying so you study that that was that was some serious fucking comedy back then It was those young comedians still still to this day when I go on a bombing streak. Yeah

To get back the basics I will watch that tape because that's the fundamental tape Kenison at the end Roseanne Barr Yeah, Robert Schimmel It has so many different styles that in one tape Yeah, me for me was always the blueprint of comedy It was Lenny Clark opened up the one and the other one was opened up by the guy that wore the leather jacket That that used to wrap on stage a little bit of white dude Come on now. Oh He's men's I'm

Barry so Barry so Men's I'm all you know Barry so he shows up with a young kid that looks like Pita Tommy Peter Davidson He always shows up with a young kid looks like Pete Davidson. Oh, that's hilarious. Don't say a word. He wouldn't say a word He would show up at the commies to every week with the same little broken kid like 18. That's so funny Oh That's a lie God, but that was the blueprint for me and then my brother bumped into you my street brother bumped into you at a Benefit that you used to do

And you had a brief conversation with him and after that we just became friends. I think I did Opie and Anthony and you were there when they had the Puerto Rican bodyguard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, what's mr. Poe or something? No, he's not with right now around but nobody's yeah Poe did do was a fucking crime the fuck right He was a big time, but he's a little crazy. Yeah, yeah, all of me like I want to be your bodyguard I don't need a bodyguard I need a career The only middle with a body He's a middle with a posse. Oh my god. What is this guy talking about? He was a nice guy

That's what I met you and I think we ran into each other in the airport and then one night I just started seeing old footage of you. I started watching you and Patrice and Then the clinker was my wife's half American Indian If you go to a house and meet her mother you could tell there it is And I'm in the bathroom washing my face or whatever and I'm like doing this shit I'm looking for a towel and I think we're watching. I think it was tough crowd You said something about When I was in grammar school. Oh, let me to go sit in the

So I would get a bottle of gin and go lay in the sewer I Bottle whiskey and landing curbs now my wife's American Indian. I don't want to laugh We both look at each other with that look and we bust it out and she goes that is the The best joke I've ever heard in my life. What's his name and ever since that she's been your biggest friend Oh, that's funny. She said if I didn't have to take out the karate I go over and give him a hug Because finally somebody made the American Indian joke that way we both just went like I was like, oh Shit that joke was funny. And then thank you Rogan told me a joke

You said one night in Caroline's that we can't really repeat here And you said that you threatened him with the joke he said he goes open with it And the one the one about Robin Gibbons, right? He goes open with it. Oh my god Silence, but only one person laughs. You're wrong. He loves that shit. He loves it He loves all stuff. We used to do oh my god in Jersey We did a couple one nighters me and him When I was married to my ex-wife because I remember me and him working in seaside, New Jersey Because my ex-wife was with me and we took a walk to the boardwalk or whatever this was before he did news radio

Oh, yeah, this is why he just came down from Boston or something and somehow, you know, cuz you could tell when Certain people are are are not right and we were both not right You know what I'm saying there's common like Keith Robinson has the best fucking theory on comics There's comics like us that Sat in the back of the bus and then you get to front of the bus comics that did their homework and shit But the back of the bus comics were always like fucking Ask, you know, they're trouble-making kids, you know, we're back at a bus comics going I grew up doing comedy

Yeah, you know when I think of comedy I learned the gift of comedy on the number one bus from Jersey City to North Bergen Because at the end of the number one rap in Jersey City was a methadone clinic So after they give you the bottom of methadone, they give you a bus pass and 20 junkies would get on there and get on the bus on 39th Street. There was torture Oh, it was spitballs and fuck, you know, we throw things at him. That was kids So you had kids from school took took city buses. We all took the city bus city buses to school city bus Oh, I'm gonna be Boulevard County Boulevard. Oh cool buses. We had school bus yellow one. No, I'm from North Bergen

It's the second hilliest city in the country and I would have to walk both up those hills to County Boulevard Well, somebody's parent. Yeah, you're right up the hill and then you would catch the number one bus and it was Fucking pure comedy. They don't go get the fix at 8 30 in the morning And I would have to be in school at you know 845 I get on that bus and they'd be nodding with the daily news open And I'll never forget one with the drool from his lip Uh-huh connected to the paper and there was just a puddle and us just fucking a laugh Had a fart and I farted

And it went right in his mouth Towards the back of the first off. He was in the chair that sideways. Yeah, they would sit there by themselves and fucking Be bouncing and his mouth was open I farted on the chair that was a bank shot We fucking that's like this is kids going to school. It's like It's almost like you're going to war and to be you know Like we took it just a school bus and it was the fucked up kids in the back of the bus And but we didn't have city buses, you know, it was like that, you know

Sitting on the bus with fucking heroin addicts It's it's it's great, I guess I guess that's New York City too I mean these kids are taking city bus and subways to school and shit, you know Now kids are so fucking protected, you know, so she's got to walk to school now Raina Because if you live less than two miles You're on your own they took away the buses were one point nine miles two miles two miles You got to live, you know or else whatever pay and we went to pay but nobody else on the block would pay only me and Bonnie It was a thousand bucks to get a private bus and we go. Oh, yeah

So here's our thousand dollar check but not enough people to win. So now she's got to walk to school, you know, and I get Two miles each way to school forget it that'll take forever So I'll get her a bicycle or something. I don't know fuck it or she's on her own But you driver you've been well, we know we don't it doesn't start till next week September last year she was in Middle no Nazis in middle school. She was in fifth grade and had a bus but now six and seventh middle school Don't have a bus. She can't walk no two miles What You were in sixth grade last year

You were in sixth grade. Sorry mind your business. What's the big deal? No one's gonna question us You're gonna have to give her a ride. Yeah, why don't you can't walk two miles? No in today's world. That's just no Dating somebody in high school It's crazy in today's world how how we were raised and Especially you and I and how protective

Like I wouldn't let my daughter walk to Laurel Canyon. I wouldn't let my daughter walk to I Wouldn't let my daughter walk to cofax and where I live, but I'll tell you what I guess it was okay for me to run across the street on Broadway on 89th Street when I was five. Yeah, I'm other told me don't know crucial like I don't cross the street Me and my buddies across the street just to see if we wouldn't get hit by a car You understand so like I'm a hypocrite because well when my wife came home a couple weeks Don't tell me the camp was taken up to the beach I'm sort of hard to tell you to tell me about this in the beginning. She was just I did I go I wouldn't have signed on Really? I go. Yeah, you better go to the beach with them. They go. We're not allowed

So for three Wednesdays in a row, I kept it together But from 11 to 2 my heart was in my hand. Yeah You're taking my daughter if something happens you don't understand. I'm gonna fucking kill you I'm gonna go in blasting first. So you better take good guy went to the camp and I pulled the counselor over I tried to give her a half a yard to let her know that if you take this half a yard, you're responsible That's something happens to this kid. I'm gonna break your fucking skull Do you understand they took him to the museum in Long Beach? Which I was petrified meanwhile was okay for me

For the school to take me to the yeah, they took a new New York in New Jersey Your first trip was the Statue of Liberty. Yeah, whatever and I still remember being in North Jersey And I'm taking us to Betsy Ross's house in Philadelphia and the nutcracker suite and Whatever, you know, and no my mom didn't complain. She signed the waiver. Well, we used to well one one I took her to to the beach on the other day to Santa Monica, right? I remember and I fucking First of all, I didn't want to go in the water. So I wore jeans You could tell some east coasts I'm sitting on the beach with fucking jeans and a fucking t-shirt

But I had to walk down to the water to watch her and she's going all the way to fuck out And I'm having a fucking anxiety attack. I'm going come move. You're out there You know, I don't want to fucking fuck going I don't want to fuck my wallet up and my phone going in to save you Move the fuck in and I'm having anxiety attacks And I couldn't even imagine somebody else and I'm not there and she's you know what I'm saying I I couldn't imagine that. Well, thank god. She's a goofball my daughter and she's into seashells. Yeah She's into catching those live little crabs. That's what she was doing. Thank god. Thank god. She likes to water a little bit

But thank god, you know, but I'm a hipster grip because You know, I wouldn't let her she came to me today and said I'm going to walk to the corner on Colfax's little liquor store there. It's all candy I would absolutely tell no, it's 60 yards. Yeah, but at six, I don't know how many times I made the joint I used to walk to school in from Kindergarten until we took the bus. I mean, I would kindergarten First grade and I was walking, you know, whatever half up to school back then that everybody walked to school back then

We didn't have a bud and I didn't have a bus till fifth grade Because it was way far And junior high school high school. I don't know because I didn't really go that much I just I just went to sell weed. I went to school. Did you quit high school? Huh, did you quit high school man? I was in 10th grade? I I was in english because I go can I go to the bathroom? He gave me a pass and I never came back Really, but I would just go to school

Fourth fifth and or whatever at lunch periods and I hang out in all three lunch periods with different crews And I sell some smoke up there or get high hang by the heater where it was warm And then, you know, fucking go home. Did you ever get your GED? No, I got mine. You got one. I had one before I had to get one before you go to prison Oh, so your point levels go up so that you don't they don't put you in a shitty prison So I wouldn't got my GED. That's what you got to do to get an extra point to taking off. Yeah high school diploma When did you so you were doing comedy two years when you realized the drugs were getting in the way of everything? Well

It had nothing to do with I I go either. I'm gonna I'm gonna die or end up in jail Now your wife had already disappeared. No, no, I didn't even know my wife. My kids had never seen me high. I was single My kids are I read the first time you were single I was I mean clean clean. Really? Okay. Okay. I thought that's what ended the whole thing No, no, she never seen me high. None of them. None of my kids ever seen me high God bless you, brother. I didn't know they're 28 and 26. So I got 33 years. No, I was I I was gonna die. I go to jail because You know, I was just out of my fucking mind. It didn't matter. It didn't matter, you know

How to get it where to get it, you know You know, you what we you'd walk into places up in 158th and Amsterdam and you know, dudes holding You know pieces to your head Didn't phase me didn't I do this on stage too. It's true Like I put myself in positions Where I could have easily been shot Rob or whatever No fear and now at my age and this is I said I'm scared. I'm gonna slip in the shower

It's crazy that I'm scared to go out at night. Yeah, it's because you think about it You know Look I've come back when my cars, you know years ago at the train station. You see the window broken. Ah, shit They took my radio. They broke in the car But I go, how am I gonna get mad? I I did the same, you know I'm now I'm the victim. You know what I mean comes back and always come back So yeah, I got clean because I had to I would be dead

and Did you go to a rehab? Yeah for Five-day detox 28 day rehab and then the program carried you through since day one. Well, yeah No, the desire to stay to stay clean. I mean I shot an hour special at an a convention You know, uh, it's fucking we're you know, they're trying to sell it now my management This fucking thing is It's fucking really cool. It's a masterpiece. I'll show you to begin after we're done this I'll just show you the minute of it

But you know, it's it's it's shot. It's never been done Never have they allowed cameras in an a convention not a meeting. It's a big convention And I obviously I don't show the audience But I'm doing comedy and talk doing recovery calm, you know, shit I can't do in a club because they don't get it, you know Uh, they just don't get it And and the special is so fucking cool, you know, so yeah Meetings and and 12-step programs and and a lot of my friends are all

in recovery, you know, I mean, I I mean I hang with a crew That we're all fucked up when we were younger, you know, did you know jimmy when you he was getting I who know Or no no warranty. No, no, no, I didn't know any of them No, and and that's the thing about comedy too And I think we're all decent comics, but we hung around with so many Good comics you had to be good like patrice Keith billy burr Norton Bobby kill, you know, when you're surrounded by great

Good comics, don't call you out on shit. We used to sit at the cell and do hack court And if somebody had a hack bit we'd bring it up and do hack court and so we hung around And a lot of the guys I hang around around with our don't get high. They don't drink, you know And and and I was working with some comic recently He's talking about how he's getting high on stage and And I walked up there and I go come on. Are you serious? Peel your face from fucking doing meth all nighter, you know, still your sell your mom's card and talk to me about getting fucking high You know

You I don't want to hear about your bottom where you fucking passed out on the front lawn You know talk to me when you're fucking When everything's gone, you know what I mean everything Emotion emotionally, you know, financially Bankrupt completely everything's gone. You got nothing sleeping on your mom's floor. That's what I did Wherever you could sleep, you know And now I look back. I got you know, shit. I put kids through college. I got Townhouse, I got you know what I mean, like that's why I couldn't get high now. Do you think that

Sometimes does it occur to you that Maybe you had a couple different lives Because you're a little older than I am. Yeah, two years or something. I'm 56. Yeah, and I sit here I don't think of recovery stories. I think of where I was 12 years ago 13 years ago like I think about 2007 a lot how I was broken I was broken rich. I was doing yeah, I was getting heroin Mailed out from jersey right after 9 11. They were getting a new work three dollar bags of heroin And I would do a little line every Monday

And I wouldn't do coke the rest of the week and for summer I didn't do coke and I'm like I'm on to something I have to call 2020 and tell him I know how to get rid of cocaine addiction. I mean I was That's how crazy I was I know how to beat cocaine addiction to a little line of heroin every Monday. I I thought I was like lewis pastore. I thought I had invented something This is how crazy I was the riders strike The longest yard coming out everybody got a call

Tracy Morgan got a call chris mark chris rock got a tv show The the the other black guy terry cruise got on chris rock show Everybody got a show Goldberg got a race car show. Everybody got love except me So and the door throughout the whole movie they're telling me it so I had I was I was broken emotionally financially, I mean when I quit My wife had to take out a loan for me to pay my debts. I was probably down

14 g's and child support. I was down my The final number was 6 36 a month for six years I had to pay a loan back 636 dollars a month. Wow, but I still owe the attorneys money from my divorce in 91 You know, do you know? I just about a year ago paid one of my old drug dealers One of the few that really deserved that really put up with a lot of my But I really put through hell like I would hide money on them and tell them I left the money and Then I got ripped off. I don't know what you're talking about. I ended up sleeping with his ex-wife I mean, I put him through the margins

I put him through hell But he you know what he came to me like a man one day and he goes. Hey, man I talked to you about something goes. I have a kid with her And I really want to reconcile with her As as a man, would you stop messing around with it just for a kid? And I shook his hand. I never talked to that girl again Because he was a man. I always respected him And about three years ago, he hit me up. Hey, how you doing? Congratulations. I said, bro, send me your address

I didn't forget about the 1600 I never forgot I owe him 1600 dollars He would bring me a gram and I'd give him a hundred. He go, what about what about? Come on, who's your buddy? No, no, I can't do it. I'd have to talk them into it after time For two years I put this guy through I put all my dealers. Yeah, I put all my dealers drug I had one dealer who would leave me coke in his motorcycle And I went in his garage and I have to open up the garage and go under the seat

And I wouldn't leave the $50 either. He would call me the next day. What happened to the money? I left it there my fucking roommate that cocks I remember going to his house one night. I talked to him Like these are the stories that When you tell them and you have these to the end, I mean and you think back at them and they're Funny, but at the same time, they're so sad and tragic What you were doing and the people around you were doing this guy was a black dude who I loved Yeah, I still talked to him. I still talked to my ex drug dealer because I put him through so much abuse

Especially this guy. So I knew this guy was a boozer When he was boozing I'd wait to get booed and I go to his house his girlfriend would go he passed out. What are we doing? I go he left me something in his pocket And I would go in his pocket and take whatever it was whether it was an eight ball or a half a gram I'd take it or it could be an ounce of coke in his pocket in his pocket And I do and he called me the next day. What would you take out of my pocket? I don't know. Maybe a gram I'll give you the 60 tomorrow. I did that to him for years

He would come to my house and nights and go man my girlfriend threw me out And I remember one time he came over with a bag of fried fish and my cat attacked him My cat just jumped on him and he gave him the fish But when he was passed out, I would take all the coke out of his pocket He would wake up and go man, I could have sworn I had 26 grams. I woke up at 21, you know people don't Like you ever think that your story is a shit you did and go Who was that rich boss? Well like this dude I knew Came up from Florida. My mom was away for the weekend

So he came up from Florida staying at my house. He brought an ounce of Some of the best. I mean this was amazing. What year was this? Straight towards my end. It was 33 years ago, whatever 34 years ago 35 So 35 has to be what? 30 is uh 89 Yeah, probably 87. It was still good. It was um, he brought it from Florida. He came up

And he fell asleep on the couch Man, you don't fall asleep leaving that around I took I had I cut it. I took some I took like an eighth out Put an eighth in of cut you couldn't tell And you know the dudes And I'm still he's sleeping. Just don't wake up, you know this girl I met this girl and boss and I was working boston

Massachusetts for like oh, I'm not gonna spend my money. I'm not gonna spend it Come Friday saturday night, you know, I'm doing all these one night. I had like 600 bucks and back then I was a lot of money six or seven hundred dollars I meant just waiters next, you know from Worcester mass I drove back to new york city Spent all my money got a hotel

Then I had to drive her back I was home I had to drive her back and still do sunday night up in boston and nix Right when no money driving back Driving back to boston my nose started bleeding I'm holding the shirt, right And like my clothes is up there in a paper bag You know

And then I had to drive back home again now i'm broke So I go well this girl this girl said to me Her sister wants an ounce I go well, I'll do that. I'll rip her off easily. I mean how hard would that be? So we were setting it up But then I ended up in rehab, right? Because I would have ripped her off and we ended up in rehab. I ended up in rehab Two years later. I'm working down in florida at the comic strip

And that girl who I would she was in the audience with her boyfriend Who was a monster if I would have ripped her off? What are you kidding me? They would have found me They would have they would have found me so but that was my bottom was Like weeks later. I ended up in rehab after driving from boston and then back and then back up I had a fun night. Don't get me wrong. It was a fun night But why did you go all the way back to new york? Because we couldn't find not nothing boston. I didn't know anybody up there

You've told stories like that like going from like where is it san diego? I went to ontario one night An hour 10 minutes to ontario. I get to my hotel room. I set the sleep api machine up I'm ready to go to bed. I'm like, what are you crazy? I drove all the way back to hollywood to get a gbo and all the way back to ontario to do what I missed radio The improv banned me for like two years. This had to be 2006 They banned me for two years the improv It's crazy. And then I got a yeah, and then I got a call and I started to bring improv the dirty show

But that's how I believed in me. Yeah You said though I had different lives. Yeah, but it's all different lives in one life because I wouldn't be where I'm at now without those lives without without the same way Okay, I wouldn't have raised my kids the way I raised them without having Parents that weren't the best parents, you know what I mean? Just selfish not my mom. My mom was you know, she had to raise three kids But then you get you know Someone like you know your your dad's coming to visit you

Yeah, I haven't seen them in weeks. So you're standing by the window There's daddy and all of a sudden detectives jump out of the bushes and lock them up So who you man at your mom for setting them up? And using you or your dad for not paying child support, you know what I mean? So they're both fucked up. So I said with my kids, I'm gonna be the exact opposite You know, I remember one time growing my father. I need a picture of me growing up and he had like two I got Hundred thousands of my kids. You know what I mean? So just

They did I guess the best they could with the tools they had but I said I'm gonna do better with my kids You see what I'm saying? I'm gonna do Whatever it takes to raise my kids To be decent normal nice kids, you know, this kid's a genius over here. That's because of Bonnie She's a genius It's crazy what she knows straight a's. I never got an a she gets straight a's The fuck I look at I go, what's an a look like You know, but you know look at all that shit in the past all that stuff

Is you are where you're supposed to be when you're there and it's all from everything I did in my past Not only made me A semi better person that made me a better comic Look at all the shit we know from life, you know, you see, you know We have so much to go to to dig back on to write material about and and to talk about because we've lived life We've lived it You know our pay, you know, you get you get a 20 year old comic. They're 22 23. They're funny. They got good jokes, but

It it's not coming from here. It's coming from the head not the heart When you see a comic that's talking like you watch you like I listen to you on the radio No, that shit is real. That's not hey. That's not he didn't make that up You know for some round table that shit is real. You see what I'm saying and that's all because of The life we've led and I'm not saying one Comedy's better than another you could watch Brian Regan and laugh your ass off all night long Or you could listen to stan hope going that's some real shit right there. That's some you know, I mean I maybe I'm talking in circles and I'm crazy. No, no, no, I understand what you know, I'm saying though, right

You know your audience is going what the fuck is he talking about? I'm just saying there's different types of comedy and comedians I'm drawn to the real ones patrice You know what? I mean guys like you collin Rogan's real and uh, you know all of them. There's a certain breed but then also I love Just Guys that are doing stuff. That's funny as shit. You know

That you know, you walk out. What do you say? I don't know but he was funny John Mulaney Yeah, someone like Lenny's a very polished for a guy like me That's who I intended to be when I got into comedy. Yeah, but I'm too fucking filthy. I was a junkie I'm a fellow. I don't have the heart of John Mulaney's a sweetheart. You know It's I understand what you know, do you have any shame in your past? Uh by times you have any shame I mean you look yeah, no, I mean look what the fuck it's the past. There's nothing I could do I try to make as much amends to people as I could and my main amends was

I got clean and my parents my mom died Knowing I was clean my dad's 91. He knows I'm clean. So my main amends is to myself People I've made amends to hey, I'm sorry or this or that Look, I owe dudes money Paint stores this and that the fuck, you know, uh If I really hurt somebody I would say it But now I know if I hurt somebody I'll say I'm sorry or making amends right away

You know what I'm saying, but my past what the fuck It is what it is, you know, I've tried to make amends Well, there's many people as I could Did you feel like there were some people that It's better left not to yes I have like two or three people that I'd really like to call and reach out and say how I feel but It wouldn't change anything. Yeah It would just make me feel worse than I already feel about the situation. So I ignore it, you know

I think if you're deep down sorry for shit you did And you're not doing it again You know what? I mean you're what else can you do plus you're setting an example for your kid You know, you're not that person you were So your kids are going to grow up, you know I'm like I said my kids grow up pretty fucking stable so Because they didn't see me out there. They didn't see me doing the crazy shit

I I think the one thing I feel bad for and I did say I'm sorry You know what I put my mom through, you know, I had Drug dealers that I owe money to towards her car You know, I wait, you know, I owe money Actually, you know the next one her car is on fire burnt You know Why you know so and not only did I call the dealer I go look not only you not getting your money We're getting a new car from insurance

But I thought you know then another time was in New York. Somebody hit her car Smashed it. So I go to that dude. Yo, man. Give me a hundred and just go and I took the hundred Then I said to my mom. Yeah, the car was parked and someone hit so I did do Put her through a lot of shit and I did apologize to her And I'm sorry for what I put you through When she was in the hospital I went in he said I love you which it was it's always been hard for me to say that I could say it to my kids easily easily, but it's hard for me to say it

To just anybody I give it to my wife to my kids but you know So I said I love you, you know, she was had Alzheimer's I don't know what was going on in her head and I apologized for what I put her through But she saw that through the years of me staying sober too and giving her grandchildren and whatever So I don't know. I mean, listen, I'm still fucked up. You made your peace with it. Yeah

I'm still fucked up. Look who buying jewelry and sneakers and 62 years old and wearing about nikes. What the fuck is wrong? You've you've earned You've seen the other side and now you're here, you know, I tell you what bothers me about comedy that Comedians get hot and people come see them But there's a handful of comics that just because they're not hot anymore People won't come out and see them and they're really the best comics working the circuit today I've always Felt that you are that guy. I've always felt that

You're one of the top three guys working today. You're and I learned a lot from you Like when I when Bonnie was telling me that you're obsessed with walking and your health and your fitness and because you know how important it is Guys like us first of all We we transferred our addiction. Oh, yeah, we transferred our addiction. Yes. We live by transferring of addiction, you know I Am not a hypocrite or anything. I I did my time. I went to NA meetings and stuff like that

I got cleaned by myself. I made a promise In cuba, it's called a man's promise. I made a I got cleaned by making a promise to a fucking cat A cat was dead night and I said if you save this cat, I'll never get high again The first four days I was kicking the cat. I'm like die you fuck And the cat lived and I still have the cat The cat's still alive and he loves me more than ever. I just picked him up today and gave him a kiss And called him my little chink. I love him because he's half side me I call him my little chain. I just that's great. I just said if you improv start harming me again, I'll I'll quit

No, go ahead. No, I just said I'll I'll quit and it was the toughest 30 days of my life and I did it and I think about two years and I got on my hands and knees and I apologize to my mother my mother died when I was 16 But for all I mean, you know, I I couldn't even when I would get high I would think about her When I would get to that certain spot at a night, you know, when that That dopamine something goes well when you think about your life when you look inside and you're like I'm the ugliest person in the world. This is why I'm doing this. I deserve to die. There's that point in the night where

I uh, I apologize to my mother the best that I could for those 28 years of Abuse that I did my stall and yeah rowing relationships, but again like you They ain't dick. I could do It's part of who the fuck I am today. It's why I work so hard today It's why I made my amends, you know, I went to prison because I didn't claim responsibility of my life That's the biggest thing. Why don't you take responsibility in my world? I'm the one that killed the kennedy's asked me who killed the kennedy's Who killed jimmy hopper juggies who bombed last night juggies I did it all who killed those kids in iowa last week. I did it because it makes my life easier

It makes my life a lot easier when you learn to claim it when you learn to say fucked up Yeah, you know, and that's what those are all the parts of recovery learning to say you fucked up Learning to apologize, you know, yeah learning to Rich boss if you want me to I think I'm 56. I think the last three years. I've been comfortable in my own skin. I've come to terms What I've done until yeah Every time I do a show and somebody comes up to you and says your podcast helped me I'm like, what the fuck are you talking? I love when people come up and want to take a picture of me

I think to myself who they knew 15 years ago, I tried to pick pocket I know Like your wife is taking a picture of me and her purse is open 15 years ago I would have been taking that purse right out of there Putting it in my pampak and then saying talent people got to go to the bathroom Taking the cash out picking up the toilet lid and throwing the wallet in there

They're looking around and finally about an hour later. We found it in the men's bathroom It must have been the bus boy Didn't send him the bill for the picture. Oh my god, you know that that was the reality of who I was that was A reality of who I was that white powder made me rob whoever when it was when it was post time when it was eight o'clock at night and that Anxiety you get that that drug anxiety it runs through your body that makes you black out until you get the product in your hand That was my last year my last year

I would black out until I had the product in my hand well my one of my lowest points I was Sitting in a bar in New York. It's called the film center 40 cent drafts, you know, I'm I'm already tapped out I'm down So i'm sitting there and this girl girl goes can I buy you a drink?

So I sat at her table and she goes but you got to walk up and get it and she hand me 20 dollars And I walked to the bar and ran out at the door And just ran with her 20 dollars And went and bought two more, you know vials, but that was the lowest point of my life Probably to do something like that, you know, now I wouldn't do it for less than a hundred but Now but that was That was the lowest, you know, it makes you just do shit that you you wouldn't do that as a person as a person

So but look at comedy I love doing comedy like people go well You know, it's so funny like when they talk about acting and me and bonnie just did a little part in p davison's new movie come, you know that uh, but You know, they go, well, why aren't you doing this or I go? I'm a comic Everything else is a bonus. It's a bonus. I love doing comedy. I love doing what I fucking do I just got to you know, you just got to try to stay relevant so you could still get people in the door and you know You west coast comics are killing it me and bobby were talking about this the other day

You motherfuckers are killing it out here, you know on the road and around the country. It's so weird how things shift You know during the o and a days opening in the east coast, we were killing it killing it. I never thought of that And now because fucking and bobby said this on the pipe because dumb anthony had to go take a picture in time square of some blank chick and fuck up, you know And and and we were I mean killing it on tour with them and doing the o and a virus and And now the west coast comics are killing it, you know, I mean it's it It's just it and it's everybody we like to fucking burt, you know, you I don't know tom

I did radio twice with tom and I had a good time with a great guy I don't know. I'm like, you know on our podcast. We'll fuck around You know going after they're saying look, we'll play him in tennis, you know And and we go they stole our idea even though they did it first, you know, we'll fuck, you know, but the nicest guy So I don't know him like that. You know, I know bird you joe Uh, I kind of met what's his name a couple times. All right. Well, no, I know already well I did already kidding me fucking arries, you know, so that you know what I mean Uh

And thio I I've met thio a couple times nice guy and every time I see him I tell him how much I like his shit on cirrus radio. I feel like a little groupie I go, that's just funny that they put on cirrus radio. It's the same fucking bid I hear every time but I still funny Uh, so you guys it and and we go, you know what fuck these west coast motherfuckers. We're putting a tour together Decrease the kids. We're back. We got to do something, you know, uh And and there's room for everybody But this it's right now. I'm just happy I'm happy that you're doing well. I'm happy your wife is doing well

I'm happy that we're all healthy. You know, I miss rafi. Yeah, I'm sure you miss patrice with all your heart You know every side there think about rafi I just called the twins. I just called the smash the smash brothers yesterday just because I went to lift I went to lift and then I went to cry out of freeze And while I was in cryo, I go This is rafi should have been doing on tuesday Do you know roush? You should have been coming home on sunday. Yeah first fly that

Sleep and eating dinner with his family working out monday tuesday wednesday and leaving on thursday Since he didn't do it now. I have to do it for him. Well, you you know, I mean Addiction is powerful whether it's food gambling Drug, whatever it is spending it's it's powerful it maybe in the last Six months, I could finally Listen to patrice's comedy on the if I'm in the car and patrice comes on

I can listen to it. I the second I heard his voice. I would turn it off. I couldn't listen to it I'd get too depressed You know Because we were you know, I remember one night me and patrice I was taking him home to jersey city and we're walking. I had to go in this house Go to the bathroom and we're walking down the street and I and I go I don't have a fucking thing going on in this career and he goes man I don't have shit happening. No

Agent no manager me either I go we got nothing and then we just started cracking up and laughing And I just kept walking and I remember that and like just we had nothing to work in boston comedy club You know and shit gigs on the road and then you know two years later things are happening but you know And other people had a bond with patrice, but me and patrice were close, you know, I mean i'm closer with norton Obviously, he was the best man in my wedding, but we were all tight. I mean me Norton patrice keith, you know named little kev came into the crew

But me and patrice, you know, we were talking on the phone sometimes two hours at a time at night Just talk, you know, I'd call him about this or he called me about that He was trashing me on radio one day Beat me down so bad talking about I had a little porch and he was driving an escalator whatever And he beat me down saying i'm selfish I have a porch and he killed me and I drove home furious and then like two days later I looked up the place of his car new and the place of my car new and I text him I go my car new it's better than your car new cost more he called me up crack it up going you're still thinking about

You're still he goes I forgot about it when I walked out of radio So we had so much And and I couldn't listen to him on the radio. I couldn't listen without getting so depressed. I was I wasn't close with my brother throughout my life when he passed away And I wasn't as depressed I was the most depressed one patrice Even probably more than my mom, you know what I mean? Because when you're that close with somebody good friends And billy and bobby were close. You know what I mean? He was just such a and now I listen to his stuff on the radio

It's so fucking funny. I put that elephant in the room on That's an ambulance once every six months. So fucking good. And I fucking laugh my ass off Sometimes the tear comes to my eye because I think of what a great fucking talent he was he was he was one of the headliners. I went to see One year I went on the headliner. I Was losing my desire for comedy I wasn't doing spots at the store and I said, fuck it. I'm gonna go watch every Headliner at the improv that year and I think carol though

Yes, the best headliner I saw that year But a tight second was a patrice was just more Polished and he was yeah at that time and more joke driven right patrice was buck wild like me talking about your pussy well patrice went patrice had some clever shit about Then he started getting into the whole relationship shit stuff, but it was real clever stuff. It wasn't hacky male fee It was just really misogynistic, but it was brilliant. You know what I mean? Just brilliant stuff And I said this on bennington's I was doing a man or fucking around with me. I go, you know

Patrice I was sitting down on stage before patrice on a stool. He stole that from me I go was cosby and me Okay, and then patrice took it and fucking bennington fucking killed me because I was just fucking and they just The internet to twitter and and it was just so fucking they just beat me down saying He said patrice stole the sitting down from me His funeral I mean the numbers he fucking it was packed packed

And everybody went on and talked of course I headlined Uh, I closed it out kevin hart went on calling before me, you know, if you're gonna use me last of course I walked up at his funeral and I go before I get stored. I just want to say After the memorial, I'll be out front. Some of my cds But everybody who spoke at his funeral was funny and seer and you'll be laughing and tears and you know He was just such a for he would be the best comic right now going hands down Hands down would be the best comment, right? You don't say that a couple years ago bill birth said that in the main Back there doing the spot and he goes that if bill if he was alive today

Yeah, you fucking it up. That's crazy He he was nothing he was so controversial and he was so honest, you know He always took the right side. He didn't always go, you know With with you know, if if there was a black issue he didn't always go with Because he was black he goes well, you know what if this is if you're wrong, you know, this is the deal, you know what I mean so Whatever he was just Lot of great memories a lot of good memories standing late at night

Out in front of boston comedy club me him Keith norton just fucking trashing each other all night. Me and patrice were walking home Walking from the cellar and we stopping at boston and these guys are out of their mind But ben barely and and dc benny were there and me and patrice walked down We beat them down real quick verbally walked in beat them down and walked out right And they think they beat us down Like better and and dc benny think they beat me and patrice down

I go not in a million fucking years We came in we knocked you out and left and we kept going and we just walked down the street laughing It was so much fun back then It's so much fun, you know, man, there's a This comedy journey is a fucking so you've been doing it now. How many years comedy 35 What's number one advice you have for comics if you had to give anybody advice to Just keep writing and get on stage wherever the fuck you can I don't give a fuck if it's a knife fight if you can do 10 minutes there

Do it because you're gonna learn something just get on And and I see here's what I do and study comedy know the history know what the fuck That's what I did. I really studied. I really studied. I used to go watch comics and headliners and And and ask questions Just like if you're going to the gym or your work if you're you know Taking any type of box in a martial art you're asking questions When I used to go to you know, when I first started going to the gym I would ask hey, how do you do this?

Just ask questions and watch and learn know the fuck the history of what you're doing That's just to me. Maybe it's a whole new scene out there with the internet and youtube, but You know, you can you could go to some comics now and bring up kennison They probably don't even know who the fuck he is or hicks. They don't who who's that? Know the history know You know who fucking Open these doors You know what I'm saying people will come up to us and go tough crowd is the reason I started comedy

A lot of people say that but You know, I I don't know why I said that it just maybe for some narcissistic ego fucking reason, but I knew I studied comedy. I studied it also. I studied it. I listened. I listened to it. I watched it You know, I you know, I chewed it. I fucking swallowed it like come I did everything. I did everything. I had I knew that For you to do this, you gotta absorb your side and all styles Like I watched the guy that cut watermelons. I watched one of my favorite kind. I'm not ashamed to say that

There's the puppet guy Which one you see in him live? You'll die with the one that died was brilliant with his crack addiction And the foam boot on tuesdays that he had the puppet that the one from new york The one that the his dick had a little notch on it so you could slow coke out of it I don't enjoy it. Yeah, holy shit. I used to work with him all the time. Yeah, that's brilliant stuff The clean one. What's the clean one jeff dunham jeff dunham. If you go watch jeff dunham Unless you're a hater. Yeah, you'll laugh a little

I haven't seen Karen topping years, but he's the best prop act if you're gonna do Props, he's the best Right, you know, how many fucking prop acts are left? So you're right. It's true Study it. When does this creep be creeps we kids tour if you want to take it's creeps we kids dot com Uh starts in october and it's creeps with a k right. Yeah creeps creeps we kids dot com Robert kelly jim florentine another guy that nobody

Really talks about Is that fucking robert kelly? Oh, I don't know if people know that he's a force To be reckoned with a Force are you kidding a four? I saw a special that looks like some Indonesian kid shop at the comedy cellar. Yeah comedy central picked up. They play at late night I I was rolling He went on a fucking tab for 20 minutes about fat He said I was fucking dying another guy. That's a a powerhouse of a comic

Then nobody talks about well now. He just got that netflix, uh the degenerates degenerates, right? So it's him Him it's a good line up. Oh, yeah miss pat miss pat Uh, oh donnell roland's Adrienne who's funny. I don't know how to say it last year, but And just one more. I can't take it off. Bobby is a fucking monster. Bobby is a fucking Powerhouse. I know he's listening. You have no idea. That's why it kills me at this. Yeah, you got your sabashians You got your birds. You got your Joe Rogan's you got your Dave Chappelle's I can name you 10 other killers that you'll pay $10 for and go

What the fuck was that? Bobby Kelly's one of those fucking tornadoes. What that just tore the crease for kids Florentine's Been at it for another Sabbath Bennington is So fucking good One did besides the tour when the best one did the best radio host in the business Uh, and and and me who's semi funny at times

You're gonna and we're keeping a tour to like 25 dollars a ticket to see four fucking head miners so creeps with kids com and Uh, if you want to see the best roast ever go to vorce roast calm It's the best roast out there vorce roast calm. It was murderers row creeps with kids calm vorce roast calm If you want a quick get in the high you can do it. There's a way you can do it Just whatever you can do it. You don't have to live that life. I'm not here to preach I'm just saying you can live whatever life you want

You can live whatever life you want. I got off the coke and everything I still smoke my pot to let me know I'm that dirty person Yeah, I could tell you that without pot though I gotta be honest here. I went home before I did two buckets. It really doesn't do nothing to me Only I need it in the morning when I wake up my coffee. I like a little bonket. Just to let me know I'm normal But besides that like it's it's the last teddy bear that I have I already got rid of the pacifier. I got rid of everything. Well, I'm not listen. You put a crap table in front of me Forget it. Oh, really? Okay. Yeah, listen. I'm not I'm looking. I'm not getting high

Okay, but I'm not fucking hurt. Listen I play lottery numbers go through my head every day You know, I'm playing fucking numbers whatever stayed on a reduction for you also me too, you know, what's deal with cbd You're doing a cbd. No, no, I won't fuck around. No, it doesn't have t8c in it like this No, I know okay, but I heard I know you're very concerned about your health. Yeah, I don't fuck with that I heard there's someone told me they just did a study. I don't know. I just look I I'm in Physical every day I wake up in some kind of physical pain But what the fuck, you know, if I me too if I take something then in in a month that ain't gonna work

I'm gonna have to double it In two months, I ain't gonna work next, you know, I'm melting down tommy Knowles and shooting them You know what I mean? So I just got to deal with you. I got to work out. I go to cryo And I drink tart cherry juice What the fuck is that you go to gnc and buy tart cherry juice? Yeah, it reduces inflammation takes away some pan 56 And you know, sometimes I go to the jitter and I'm like, why should I be sore for three days? Please you're 56 cocksuck and you weigh 300 pounds. That's why That's why you're fucking sore because you're 56, you know, I lift heavy twice. Yeah

I go really heavy like squats and pull ups and fucking benching all the compound shit for over 50 This is the shit that keeps you strong on stage But bro the next day I can't walk I go to acupuncture every other week. I double it up. I'm gonna I should try that from I love that acupuncture every other week And then every other week the opposite week I go for a 40 dollar massage I work him one time It was fun. It felt good when I didn't expect to go to massage. He put gym shorts on me downstairs So put gym shorts on over here right over here 40 dollars. Listen, I'm for an hour. I'm fucking I'm 62

Okay, I go to the gym Four or five times a week. You left or just do step body said you know, I was doing a lot of steps This summer I took it easy. I walked yesterday. I played golf. I walked six miles up and down hills My legs were cramping like fucking and you have to take her and everything she says on my phone I got just stepped things on my phone. Uh, I I'll lift, you know, I'll punch the bag at home I got a bag in my basement. I'll punch the bag you know I'll try to eat. Okay. I don't you know, I'll try I don't

but I wake up, you know, I got back pains and and shit and Whatever, it's just get oh, yeah, here's the thing when I was I I said this on Before the pie like when I look back I saw Elton John in 1977. He was at the garden with Kiki D. They were on tour Yeah, and I was probably on quay ludes acid at least three or four whatever the fuck I was thrown in my system I saw him on the farewell tour I was on Tylenol and anxiety medicine What the fuck age does to you?

Like I told Rogan last night I go I live on Cuban coffee and I'll leave That's what keeps me together. I told Lee Lee goes where you going? I gotta go home take a shit I went home and had a triple espresso Took a tremendous shit and took a shot at tart cherry juice So I'm gonna do another shit at eight o'clock That just comes in an apple before you go to bed. It just slides out in the morning A little lizard out of a hole. You know what I'm saying? I have the pictures to prove it I love you brother. I love you for having me any dates you want to promote where you at this week just creeps with kids.com

Vos roast dot com if you want to see a great roast, I'm telling you Murderer bro. I told your wife. It was tremendous and you and your wife have a podcast. Oh, yeah, my wife hates me Yeah, she looked good last night your wife. She's a savage. She's got she's got a whole little bit better I don't I don't see it All right, thank you for having me. Thank you very much. I'm glad that we uh got to hook up and do this man Thank you very much, man. Listen. Don't forget next week friday 13th I'm in Dallas. There's like eight tickets left and then the next day the 14th I'm in san Antonio in the Aztec at the Aztec D. I don't know what's left and then on the 27th of september

I'm at the chicago dita. All right. I want to thank rich voss I want to thank the christ killer, but most importantly I want to thank you fucking savages for always listen and listen. That's it. It's labor day bitches It is labor day. It's official You got fucking whatever three and a half months to get your fucking life together We're down now. We're ready to attack. We're in attack mode. So It's over. Whatever the fuck you were thinking It's over with the thinking now. You got to put into full effect. But anyway, who gives the fuck about that?

Listen, the church is brought to you by Stant socks like I told you earlier They brought art and good design to what used to be a boring old sock That old white gym socks that your mom used to buy you at the grocery store Remember with the sneakers if your sneakers slip and slide take them back to panty pride That's done. Those things are there to pass Stance has changed the game now when you show a little ankle. You're also showing off what makes you special What you're into they got it. They got star wars socks. They got holly davis's socks

Grateful dead inspired socks. They got they got nfl football baseball basketball. They got that too It's not just cool colors and patterns Stance has everything from running socks to ankle socks to hiking socks Premium socks you can wear in your office. Plus stance socks are incredibly comfortable I am on my feet a lot. I'll tell you that much and some of the most supportive socks I've owned are the stance socks They are fucking solid. That's why stance socks are the official sock of major league baseball And they give back their socks for heroes programs Send socks to deployed military personnel all over the world

I got the icon socks myself and for my wife. I got pair for Lee over here. I just haven't given them yet a nice blue pair of socks. They say good vibes on them I just want to remind them what's important in life long story short stance makes a great gift. All right, so right now today Labor day The church family stance has a great offer for you. Go to stance.com slash church Go to stance.com slash church and you'll get a free pair of socks On with any purchase that stance.com slash church grab a pen stan

ce.com slash church to get your free pair of socks The offer is only available for a limited time So go to stance.com today and get the party started if they're not stance That just sucks. All right. The church is also brought to you by My bookie dot a g listen if you're trying to bet on the nfl Baseball mma whatever my bookies got it. What's his weekend? What do you got? You got the beginning of nfl. You got kabebe against forie I'm telling you if you're gonna make deetus. This is the weekend to do it

I wouldn't be telling you guys to bet with them if they weren't the best Do the smart thing if you're gonna bet this football season college football season College but whatever the fuck you're gonna do go to my bookie. Did you know you could bet on games after kickoff? By the second half it looks like your bet is gonna lose You could always take the other side If you're the kind of guy that likes to bet a little and win a lot You try and parlay if all your picks come through boom you multiply your winnings and no matter how you bet The nfl season is the best time of the year

Double your first deposit now by using promo code church to get a hundred percent bonus on your initial deposit Up to a thousand dollars. Who the fuck you think you do you think uncle joey's gonna show up here with some fucking mucluru? Hell no, I show up with my bookie dot a g today. That's my bookie grab a pen m y b o o k i e Dot a g and don't forget to use promo code church when creating your account To claim your bonus listen with my bookie you play you win You get paid. It's that easy now. Don't forget like I told you in the beginning Check the instagram mad flavors. Well, I don't know what the fuck it is

I'll be dropping a video with the picks And teach you how to make bets every thursday for a few weeks just to help you out You people a little lost. I don't know what to do with you, but anyway go to my bookie dot a g Go to stance.com right now And hey You know, I love you guys. Have a great holiday today. I hope you eat some burgers you eat some fries your burp You get your dicks like you get your little monkey eating and it's the start of the fall We're going straight through the fucking christmas eve. You understand me. I don't give a fuck what you're thinking. Listen

Have a great week. We'll see you wednesday morning. Stay black Take this motherfucking mule 90 And I'm gonna be As a kind by then I miss the earth so much I miss my wife Oh It's lonely out in space

On such a time this flight And I think it's gonna be a long long time To touch the ground brings me around again to fight I'm not the man they think I am at home. I'm not the man I'm the rocket man Rocket man And I think it's gonna be a long long time To touch the ground brings me around again to fight

I'm not the man they think I am at home. I'm not, no, no I'm the rocket man Rocket man burning lightest views out here and on Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids In fact, it's cold as hell And there's no one there to raise them If they did And all the science I don't understand

Is just my job five days a week Like a man Like a man And I think it's gonna be a long, long time So talk it down, brings me round again to find I'm not the man that think I am at home No, no, no Like a man

And I think it's gonna be a long, long time So talk it down, brings me round again to find I'm not the man that think I am at home No, no, no Like a man Like a man And I think it's gonna be a long, long time So talk it down, brings me round again to find

I'm not the man that think I am at home No, no, no Like a man And I think it's gonna be a long, long time So talk it down, brings me round again to find I'm not the man that think I am at home No, no, no Like a man

Like a man Like a man And I think it's gonna be a long, long time So talk it down, brings me round again to find I'm not the man that think I am at home No, no, no