Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #727 - Steve Simeone

Episode Date: October 15, 2019

Steve Simeone, a stand up comedian seen on "This Is Not Happening" and heard as the host of his podcast, "Good Times with: Steve Simeone," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Athletic Greens - Get 20 free travel packs worth $79 when you go to www.athleticgreens.com/church MyBookie.ag -  Use code promo Church to get a 100% match on your first deposit up to $1,000. Check out Joey's Instagram @madflavors_world on Thursday for a new video where Joey teaches you how to gamble.    

Uncle Joe here smoking a fucking joint of death one of these cannolis from urban trees they'll kill you they're dipped in formaldehyde fucking angel dust fucking birds piss from the Mali you got everything in these fucking things I'm celebrating sober October greetings from podcastville the church of what's happening now is brought to you by my bookie listen if you found the yard sick on the street would you pick it up or would you keep walking of course you'd fucking pick it up why would you fucking know why would you keep picking winners and not bet them all fucking week you knew San Francisco was gonna beat the

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you know what I had some garland pills I'm fighting up fucking goat blood but it's Tuesday motherfuckers you wanted me you got me here you go what are you fucking nuts or what Uncle Joey coming at you on a Tuesday fucking you thought I forgot about you today the devil got buried in the sea motherfuckers give it to me one time hey I swear to God you know I play this song like third on my morning rotation

every day for the last year and a half it's fantastic it gets me out of bed it makes me want to stab a motherfucker when I'm drinking coffee that's second cup of coffee this shit comes on like a fucking new box I just sit there and think all the motherfuckers that are going down today everybody I got a call I'm gonna call them at 8 a.m. fuck 9 0 1 you know I'm saying everybody's gonna call it a while they're driving to the location I catch them on the phone put that Bluetooth on bitch Joey Diaz here Steve Simone here and the Christ killer here it's casual fucking Tuesday it's taco Tuesday tranny Tuesday in some

streets whatever Tuesday you want it to be you know I'm saying it's your fucking Tuesday that's I'm trying to say number one I want to thank everybody who came out to the shows at the uptown theater on Friday night you were fucking sensational and then Denver Jesus fucking Christ at the Paramount you guys were tremendous you touched my heart you know I left there 24 years ago on a car with fucking eight dollars and quarters and there I was you know so in a way I lost the battle but I won the war 24 years later I ended up getting what I was what I wanted you know I never in my wildest imagination some of

the old comics I used to do spots came out we were talking about what we used to do like how our open mic scene was and Steve Simone we brought up something I had forgotten about in those days you know I would look at my notebook and I knew something wasn't right because I would only have like 16 17 spots okay I would drive the fucking Wyoming to do spots and all I would get was 16 four spots a week Friday and Saturday you were most you have the spots three comedy clubs and comedy worse wasn't gonna give you a spot so you had McKelvie's or Witson Witson you rather put a gun in your mouth and do a guest

spot there especially the late show on a Friday was a log and the other club was like men's immortal and he was good to me I'm not gonna lie he would give me guest spots but usually it was one spot and then we hung out and celebrated yep but I heard about people doing multiple spots and it intrigued me so I said wait a second the hot thing in those days was line dancing mm-hmm and we followed the line dancing class on Sundays you do comedy after line dancing in fucking our vats and like country western it was rough and the whole place would disappear Billy Ray Cyrus was on everybody's dancing yep awesome MC

would go five minutes comedy stuff oh god and you would see the whole room clear up nothing better for you open Mike Eagle but what we did that was big time that I fucking laughed my ass off on the plane yesterday was we used to crash karaoke bars yeah karaoke was huge in 93 and 94 and open poetry readings were big in 93 and 94 the more you went away from Boulder the looser they got got in Boulder people were very serious white people were very serious about poetry oh yeah all those rich kids they had a couple bars that did poetry night and mostly cafes this is way before Starbucks this is no Starbucks

Boulder had the coffee houses with the couches and the books and Boulder was called Penny Lane and it was tremendous and I was in halfway house with an old fucking fordger he was the old Juve New York oh my gosh from the old-school Hendricks at the film war that type of hippie wow still had the long hair he if I was it was 90 it was 90 80 it was 91 I met him when I was 27 he was already 55 a dog he had a bang and I was 26 year old chick with blue eyes she was beautiful she never wore bra she had hair on their armpits she was a barista hippie hippie so she ran the poetry really guess what I'm Friday and Saturday

stayed open 24 hours and the poetry reading started 11 so when he has as when I when I got into comedy I got into comedy I wasn't even involved really in the probation system anymore but I was still dear friends with him okay but he was too old to go out at night so he was always going kind of scared that she's down there alone there's going to be shot and I go listen you know tell her to put me on the poetry readings and I would go down there sign up for number fucking 40 yeah I get there early and I get a notebook out and right and then she would slip me into the poetry readings and they wouldn't laugh really I've got a

couple giggles like wait you they were doing their like poetry and you would just go up and do a stand-up set yeah coming up to the stage next joy dears I would go up and go you ever you ever watch a Godzilla movie you know and I would just start fucking ranting and they would be looking I'm like that's not poetry guy they never said nothing to me because she ran it gotcha but the more you went outside of Boulder they got looser and looser there's one in particular right by 140 I'm fourth in Thornton by the there was a mall there I used to go to that mall a lot because they used to sell cars in Thornton so

when you were bored you took one of the cars in a lot you went to the mall you went to sparrows yeah gotta slice walk around that craziness and shit and and around the block in that mall was a coffee hot that guy hated when we'd be comedy so we would wait like he would start to show it like eight uh-huh and then he would leave he was the elder he would sit there till nine we knew the thing ran till 10 and we would catch different baristas if they didn't know it's hi how are you we'd like to sign up for car he wants a nut vanilla you know let's say cuz you couldn't just get black coffee I knew you were crazy if you

didn't get one of their green tea fucking mixtures then they go all you like green tea oh my god I drink the orchid milk you know I started with that bull shit yeah and then they would let you up and then they would go you can't get out loud here no more that guy threw us out ten times I'm in one time like we grabbed each other like he's like I'm not gonna tell you again to stay out here with your fucking R rated jokes I kept telling me I got my rights motherfucker you know I was doing I was just doing it to break his balls now you're just saying it's not even comedy because there were people who came up to me like

men and women that must have one woman in particular came up to me and she goes I don't know what your name is you killed me tonight the crowd didn't know what to think I've never seen that reaction to a person but you can't come in on well because somebody's gonna complain and I shook her hand she gave me like a kiss she gave me a free coffee yes she was I don't mind that yeah I just couldn't take the people who were just playing out rude to me like that dude yeah so we would go there like I was telling somebody yesterday then we started tag team and karaoke joint what do you do stand up a karaoke and they really get

pissed if you want to piss somebody off when they wait because there's people really oh they take it serious I got great voices they just made a wrong turn they go up there there's duos that sing like Kenny Rodgers there's no you know they sing endless love yeah so I still remember like go in there with the intention like you knew there was gonna be a problem so alright so there's 30 people signed up for the karaoke so obviously you're already tanked you got a grandma blowing your pocket you're just taking a chance so Lee would be number 28 Joey Diaz would be 32 and Steve Simone would be 35 we wait for Lee

Lee would go up there and the song would be playing in my eyes that I see no but else but you you know that like little background yeah and the big screen you're up there hey I would tell you about Godzilla in New Jersey and they're just looking at you wow and the music and the words are coming up on the screen but you're doing stand-up and the DJ would just look at you like you know like he would like so if Lee got away with it the DJ would go I give Lee sat around the pause right then we go right now number 32 is me so we let two singers go up yep and they would sing their fucking bullshit and then they would get off and

hug each other coming to the stage Joey Diaz now I go no let me talk to you by sucking your dick and all this shit and then I would push the envelope even farther so if I got or sometimes they would just put the music on loud or scratch the you know what the guy ever tried to say over you get off yeah no vulgar material on the stage right off get off and we would just go to another karaoke place now you would be first switch the order everybody got a set in everybody got a set in and Lee would go up second and by the time they didn't stand on the Lee then I would go up third we did that a thousand how many

spots do you think you got from that it was always like you it wasn't a spot you were gonna get tortured there weren't even it let me know about prepping and let me know the different levels of comedy okay it lets you know that okay when you go to a bar and do stand up mm-hmm then I dare to see you right there to watch the hockey game if they have a few drinks yep Monday nights dark night yeah Tuesday nights girls night Wednesday nights comedy night Thursday nights cocaine night and Friday night is kill yourself do whatever the fuck you want night they're not really prepared for comedy psychologically yeah

okay when I go on comedy store calm and I look at the schedule and I buy tickets and I buy two tickets all different mindset I'm getting prepared absolutely I completely agree yeah put the CD on you put you know but Christ your CD or the oven all that stuff makes a difference all of it makes it yeah so you always as a comic you also you also have to study the psychology of people yeah I learned that in those rooms that if you got one laugh you won yeah even you know what's the song three minutes yeah if you got one laugh at the minute mark you won some people yeah get the fuck off right like I said to you karaoke is

very serious to some people at the time oh still like I won't even try to sing karaoke because I'm terrible and some people take that as an offense Lee and I have a mutual friend that tastes as karaoke seriously and every year on his birthday he has a karaoke birthday party and he posted up and I'll tell you he's actually singing living on a prayer Bob Jovey like their people really and I don't I'm not laughing at them I'm not laughing at them oh that's an out that's a great form of I think that's great I love when anybody loves something you know if that if that brings you some joy I'm like that is awesome one of the

toughest guys I know lives for he met his wife at a karaoke yeah no no no it's amazing so it taught me the psychology of comedy in 1994 like I learned the state of mental of the per you know how many you know you're not gonna turn off a them and not again no you're not turning nobody's pain don't even think of you know in those days what saved you is that there was no Sunday night came okay there was no Sunday night football game so there were a lot of open mics on Sundays okay any area I moved to or an area I would go to they would go stay on Sunday there's tons of open mics on Sundays because there wasn't that 530 NFL

family yeah so but if Denver was playing at night you're done you know if Denver played in the afternoon the one o'clock game that open mic was gonna be phenomenal yeah plus there was gonna be a cut there's gonna be a couple drunk people at the bar because they just stayed for the whole day so you're gonna have a problem you know I'm saying when you started did you figure this out little by little did you yes and I started to realize it all everything matters and I started to see the rules of the game that if you could just stick it out if you could just persevere it got a little bit easier at every level

like if you were doing an open mic where it was just comics and you only had two or a three-minute spot if you got one laugh that you're a king but then a step up would be there used to be a bar show down by Valstaff and that little strip mall there's like a Chinese restaurant it's like right on the LA river they would do a bar show like on Tuesday nights or something like that but there would be maybe eight real people in there and I and I would go oh this is better than doing an open mic at Gower Gulch in front of just comics because even though it's in a bar there's real people there is our coach I

think it's still going on I think it is I'm talking about the one from 15 years ago yeah the Miyagi's or whatever there was that Japanese and he was begging for people to take a night in there for a while yes and it would give you like a hundred percent of the door but it only give you two bucks when 80 people showed up yes something weird yeah I walked off stage in that room is that yeah I never even walked in there I just heard all the fucking nonsense that went with it yeah it was horrible that went with it and I was like you know there's also people who booked the improv like then here I am in LA 20 years later and I

get an offer from me improv it was 2000 maybe 9 okay 9 to 8 Dan oh yeah Dan from Brea yeah called me one day he goes I have a weird feeling about you I want you to host a dirty show I remember that it was Wednesday nights you do it I remember one Wednesday a month and I started learning about commitment mm-hmm I started learning about the commitment from people who pay for tickets oh that was gonna be there free absolute it's a different room that's a big that's a huge difference you can even see that at the store when they do those early shows sometimes they'll go use this

co-word for a free ticket or a $5 ticket huge difference because they're not they're not invested yeah the more they're invested the better the audience it's so weird how when I went to Rockchester one time like I was learning how to book this room he would tell me you got about I'm gonna give you like three months of a guarantee then after that you have to figure it out in your soul never everybody had to get paid yeah I'm like there was times I walked out of my own room with 25 bucks because I paid everybody I don't give a fuck yeah I'm the same like a meal you got to tip the wait staff yes bucks yes you got eight

people drinking who don't bring their friend yeah who's left but I learned a lot because he I after about the fifth one I had like 14 people in there and I'm like wow and I did the road I went to Rockchester and the guy at the Rockchester Club was crazy whatever one thing he said to me goes I don't do nothing for free he goes I gave that game up years ago he was I'd rather do a show with ten paid regular than a hundred people who didn't pay yeah he goes when you come into my club you have to give me something a watch three dollars five dollars ten dollars he was I will not give away a free ticket and I remember

looking at him as crazy as he was his personal life yeah and going he's on to something that's true and then was the creation of me learning how to sell a ticket now you have to build that value yeah I'm saying how do you build that value so it's really weird how the lesson is taught to you yeah you see that you need commitment from people people go on was a shitty show well they weren't there to watch comedy exactly they were there for a checker tournament and you bumped into the checker daughter right and as a young comic I used to I didn't realize how important the audience was to my performance the psychology of the

audience and then I even started to just by working the door at the store I'm like oh Tuesday night's got a different energy than a Saturday night people that get there early you can even see people that were getting to the club early that really wanted to be there they were better audience members than people you know how the store would keep the OR going and sometimes drunk people just walk by and walk in and didn't know what they were getting themselves into it all matters all of that matters even the way the rooms are laid out you know like that the height of the stage the ceilings how close if like Wayne Wayne's

room this weekend in Reno I'm like if he just sat the people congratulations thank you for taking me with you it was great a great time it was so much fun but Lee drove 17 hours he's got blisters on his asshole on his ass he did great I talked to him last night I could hear in his voice that you feel the bumps and the humps from just sitting there you got to stretch out after every time you you know because I would drive a gallon I would drive a tank my rule is I don't stop to the tank is honey you okay I have a question for you about that though did you ever run out of gas because I did that on the way up and I got real

close I was driving like 40 miles an hour you got to pay attention also you have to also have to pay attention if you see you at low and then like this is the last gas 80,000 miles yeah you got to go I don't always have those signs I like I was getting there get something to eat yeah some fresh air yeah maybe with three phone calls let your blood it's a process yes you're you know you can get hypnotized on the road like you got to get freeing out of that night yes at night so that's why I told him you know you go and it's a it's a driving to comedy gigs is a complete different fucking animal you know I love when

people drive for a living like my friend Timmy drives for a living and people drive for a living I always give them a lot of respect because I did it for you know I drove from 94 to 2003 and then Rogan and then you know this guy and eventually you know but I pretty much fucking drove I remember finally like in 2004 the club in like something Pennsylvania called me and I agreed to the week and somebody told me like you gotta land in Newark and drive three hours I was like it looks like I'm canceling that bitch I didn't cancel till Friday at six oh my god yeah like I was so scared the camera like we knew it we

already had somebody here plus you gonna be dirty we didn't want you anyway I was like so we both want to say yeah what are we talking about after they hired me they watched the tape and they were like oh my god they called me up to like if you come you have to change your material some part of Pennsylvania JR's comedy club or something like up in Erie or something like that yeah yeah and now a woman owns it and she's a little bit more liberal she lets you go off she gives door deals but in those days it was run by guys so that they play the banjo anybody who plays a banjo you don't want to talk to them you know what I

mean plays like a banjo and tells you like they're kind of creepy somewhere they got a kid in the basement they got they got a grandma and addict somewhere with a gag on the ball in their mouth or something those banjo people fucking crazy yeah I don't think I've met any thank god yes yeah they just don't identify they don't say right off the bat they play the banjo you got to tell them some of your secrets first I kill butterflies it's great to see you by the way it's great to be hanging out with you guys you're doing great things with your little charity not one thing about your charity that really like and

I haven't donated yet because I'm still figuring out my wife me we're talking about this yeah I'm really picky about my donations I don't blame you I'm very picky because I do not like when I see most this is this is a bold statement I'm gonna make I know that most people will email me or whatever and say it's a bold statement but every time I see a tragedy mm-hmm I say to myself some swindler's gonna make a million exactly and it breaks my heart I see them out there giving away water and supplies and all this shit I'm like Katrina I'm like sure enough the mayor robbed a million point nine million dollars you

know I know and it bothers the fuck out of me yeah when JJ did the Houston one I donated to his yep football player yeah JJ what I don't like talking about the shit on the air because I don't want people to think I'm just trying to prove a point about something to talk to Steve about it because I think that what he's doing with all things comedy I know you're you're putting up to you got a lot of support over that yep it's very special I don't I believe that if you have a nonprofit and the president drives a better car than me absolutely there's not something's not right there's not right I completely agree 225

hundred thousand dollars a year that's most of the people you're helping yeah I think if you want to do an organization you should have a day job yeah I do that on top of it absolutely you know I would do something if I had time exactly somewhere along the line something's gonna get caught out yeah but if I could do something one day a week for exactly a cat shelter yeah or something like that I'd be involved exactly but I'm not gonna give you 300 dollars for your earthquake relief system I know there's a white fuck somewhere absolutely dude yep I'm not just gonna blame white people black

dudes got sticky fingers too or a fucking Latino or an Arab or whatever yeah that's taking my fucking money that's supposed to be going to help somebody who fucking really needs their lights turned apps yes you know I look at the homeless situation here in Los Angeles they've given that man millions of dollars for that homeless thing we pay some fucking high-state taxes yes and number two I want to know what they've done with the medical malmono money yeah you know Colorado gives you a yearly report these people don't even bring it up yeah and what they do my wife finally looked it up I go see how they

break it up yeah and she told me how they broke it a marijuana education and something like that that's not what that's for so somebody's lining their pockets with this so I'm a thief you know I've come to the conclusion that I was the thief when I was a kid yeah and now I see as soon as there's a fucking tragedy and I see a number and you know I gotta be honest even the Red Cross I heard that there's discrepancy all of them I've heard there's discrepancies in the Red Cross years ago all of it tears me apart yeah and I see people of the rains and hurricanes and shit so before I send a dollar like Chris Herron Lee how

quickly they take me to send the dollar because I know what he's doing yeah I know that dude that dude's not driving a fucking Corvette right that dude really believes in his cause and again we sent money this year from the church that's great oh I don't mind helping you out you know but I wanted to get to those people's fucking the black guy from the foodies Rob this fucking it's a very easy temptation that's why like it's a very easy temptation I went I didn't even want to touch the money like with this last family I don't even know what's happening with this I just saw people that needed help that were good

people people that are always helping other people like this mom I found out about she's got six kids four of them are sick one of them's really sick she wasn't asking for a dollar for herself she's running all she we're doing a party at the Ronald McDonald house Friday night I got the pizzas donated from a couple buddies but that's who she is she's always there's a family with a sick kid that is homeless living in a motel she would take half of what she has to go feed that family when it was another mom of children's hospital that told me about her I was getting one family money and I put the money straight to the mom

I said what's your Venmo I'm gonna do a go fund me for you and I essentially just vouched for these people and I brought a little awareness but the money didn't touch any organization and went straight to a mom I went straight to a mom that lost a kid that works at the hospital had had nothing and the landlord kicked them out of their house so they got into a new place but there was no furniture nothing so I was like if I could get her five grand breathing room great and that's all I tried to do we got her to about thirty eight hundred forty two hundred dollars and she went Steve I feel blessed thank you very much

I'm okay I can breathe you have to help Monique out and then I I got to meet Monique and I went on her social media and she had a go fund me up for another family she wasn't even thinking about herself and I went okay that's who I'm gonna help I'm gonna help the people that are always helping others that don't ask for anything and the money is going to go straight to them nobody's gonna touch the fund you have right now it's just called our magical bought the domain name for help Steve help I'm asking people to follow that on Twitter and Instagram just follow it for now and then our game plan is gonna be we're

gonna do a podcast once a month do a patreon for a dollar a month and you're gonna get the podcast so I'm just asking people to give a buck once a month but for now go to help Steve help on Instagram and Twitter and then we're gonna put the family up of the month you're gonna give one dollar and that money's gonna go straight to the family if we build it up and there's gonna be extra money like instead of because I think five thousand's enough breathing room for somebody and then we'll help the next family and if we have to cycle a family through three or four times because the problems are real and the

money goes fast I understand that but the band-aid is five grand it's gonna go straight to them and then if there's extra money that you check the arms and smell their neck and make sure that's not like that but that that's the other problem because Bill that's what Bill Berg reached out to me because he was I think this will evolve into something for the homeless situation as well because he goes our politicians let us down he goes these charities are all scams he goes I know you're not in this for anything he goes I Bill was like I want to help people I've lived the American dream he goes we have to do some job

training we have to make sure that people aren't addicts he goes I don't have a problem with addicts I know they're suffering but he goes the problems if you give an addict money yeah you're gonna kill him he goes he goes you think you're gonna help yeah and you're gonna wind up killing that's like and I listen man I don't know how many times because I was an addict I throw an addict 20 to make his day yeah we'll get a fix I know what it's like to get a fix in the sandwich and a soda yes I've been I get it that's true compassion but I don't want to give 50 that $5,000 to an addict exactly who is showing me a

picture of that child with he puts little red dots on him tells you that's why right now and next thing you know I got people on my like I got in trouble five years ago on on Twitter yeah somebody reported me that the go fund me used that credit card you know and I was in shock like I was blown the fuck away I had like four or five emails in a row like the California attorney if I knew this person I'm like no they just told me to retweet so now exactly listen just leave me alone I know I do it I know I do it because these are people who just they show you a picture of a dude that's laying in the bed with a skeleton

yeah meanwhile these people are in fucking with lobster tails yeah and you know again I don't mind so throwing somebody at 20 I don't mind making somebody's day yeah but there's people on Twitter that are really getting in on their car and they're changing oils yeah and they're mowing lawns exactly learning their money and they give you $20 and I hope you're not fucking you know so when you donate you know listen every time I see a tragedy or something I can't I give it like three or four days yeah because there's people that awaited they have 800 numbers all ready to go yeah I know how it's done I read

a thing years ago in the New York Times how they busted this so it was like cerebral palsy thing like they were living like kings yeah traveling around the world they were just coming back to make withdrawal it's awful and then I sold things for the cops in Seattle I went in there as a salesman they paid me you know 25% commission and what I brought in and I had done it I'm very ashamed of this so this day I'm very ashamed of this because this is the shit I'm ashamed of I'm not ashamed of what I broke into a drug dealer's house they had it coming we were drug dealers this is the shit that really makes me

ashamed of things and I live in Seattle I and they were looking for telemarketers and I went down there and they give you a pitch and it's how you doing we're calling from North Hollywood Police Department yep and we're looking for donations for a new program for school kids and you know because when I was a kid I remember them giving you the sticker when I was a kid if you donated to the fire department yes they gave you a sticker for your window that's in your children in the room oh yeah yeah yeah children in this room it's like a silvery sticker yeah you donated five bucks in 1970 yeah you got like a little

badge from the fire department and you got a sticker for your window that said children in the room yep so they'd hopefully they'd save you first until grandma go fuck yourself I was yelling how fuck you bitch there's kids in the so you should have bought a sticker yeah you should have bought a sticker you dumb bitch so I always learned from all those things you know I sold stickers for CYL and I donated the money yes you know I told my daughter about three weeks ago and this is no fucking lie when I got thrown out of Catholic school I had such a deep guilt in my heart but I connected myself with the American

Association and every year did the walkathon my goal was to break the record and you had a walk around Hudson County Park and I would walk at 40 fucking times and I would get everybody in my mother's bar to give everybody well you're just supposed to get a dime a mile fuck you I want a dollar and I won awards till about 10 to 13 then I started stealing the money myself then I go there here's a donation I'm gonna walk I got the money in my pocket because I would make them pay me up front who I'm gonna walk 15 miles this year yeah I'm gonna walk 25 miles when I gotta be honest with you for the first three years I

really didn't give it the money they gave me the thing they took a picture I won like the highest achiever that really fucking made my dick on in those Catholic years when I got thrown out of Catholic school so I told mercy I want to walk the walkathon this year with her and get money you know yeah I'll do it you know 10 miles whatever I think I could walk maybe three miles if I'm lucky she gave me like five hours a mile or something like that you know so but I believe in that you know me too it feels good to help it feels good to help that's a good help but yeah I've had plenty of friends over the last four

five years that have called me about and I've always said let me call you back mm-hmm and I've thought about their situation I've thought about their life and I've always helped them yeah because I have to think of what they meant to me when I was growing up mm-hmm with no with no disregard I have to write a check like I can't even think about it you know because of what they did to me as a child so even now there's not much I can do for the homeless problem you know you want me to go get a bus and go pick them all up where am I going to take my fucking house I can't yeah I don't have any answers but I know that this

fucking state you know I'd like to have a talk with that nuisance guy I'd like to have a talk with the other fucking governor you know you have to get buses and get people that are trained to go talk to these people and you know it's worse than it was in New York when I was there twice I appreciate the Army building two houses right on a weekend but that's not fast enough we need dormitory style mm-hmm you know old gyms shit yeah keep the people that are homeless you know the people that you're helping yeah I want them separated from mental health yeah okay the homeless situation is is is three degrees of

homelessness yeah you're right it's the economy yeah drug homelessness and mental health hopelessness that's what I think as I was a casual observer I agree you know when I'm right there look normal we're gonna take the 101 when you make that right to take the 101 there's a pretty fucking lady that walks around with a bikini and a thing and at first you look at it and you go whoa you know you're like whoa what the fuck she's got mental you know she washes her fucking shoes on the street I saw the one morning putting bottled water on her feet her feet were black you know that's mental health that's not somebody who went

into you know lost his job the kid got you know there's a lot of people by no whole park yeah that live in trailers yeah oh that's it people with any cars in our then they leave in the daytime yeah they go there in the daytime they leave at night you don't have to park that the trailer thing got so bad there at night that the cops put up signs those people are homeless those people ten years ago Fannie Mae yeah whatever that was yeah the 2008 those are people those are those people that said you know what we're gonna take the last twenty two thousand dollars we haven't been savings and buy some type of used thing and until we

figure this out cuz I used to lift weights over there I used to walk no and I would stop and talk to those people and they would tell me their stories and they would say yeah you know we lost our home with Fannie Mac's heartbreak it was so right now in Los Angeles you know there's weed money I know and in Colorado it's so fucking tight it's to the seed and they show you where it goes to schools and this and that here since we went legal I haven't heard nothing about it no I don't mind paying time you know that dog go to fucking the old perennial and get an ate the weed and come back to me thank

God I go to urban trees and they give me like a deal yeah you know they pound the taxes on there but the deal they give me is too good they give me a great deal go to a regular wheat store as a recreational user see how expensive it is and see how expensive the taxes on you like 25% no no no 35 23 I think something like that because there's others I think it's 10% for medical and then I think it's like see the 25 or 35 for recreational and the thing for Steve because I know you've been on in the past couple years but in case people are new you met these families at Children's Hospital so they weren't like

like you you met some of these people who really need yeah and the way we're verifying is it we're gonna just have people pay it forward so the family we're helping now we'll go okay well here's another mom that needs the 5,000 and then when we get that family to help then they nominate the next family but I think look look it's just in its baby steps I pray that and hope that'll grow into something great but for right now it's all people that really need the money that have fallen through the cracks they're truly victims you know that's the saddest thing ever they're sick kids and people don't realize all the

bills associated over that because usually if a parent's working they might have to stop working right off the bat to take care of the kid there's gas back and forth to the hospital there's the put it's 10 15 bucks day just to park at the hospital so I have a big dreams of what I think it could turn into but for right now I the family I'm helping right now I just shared the mom's Venmo and I got her a go fund me and the money went straight there I had a couple of my buddies that own the Italian deli that own the pizza place that have fed the families we've done little parties for the families at those places and that's

it give the kids something look forward to you know that's it I was telling you I lived in Seattle and I had that I worked for these guys and I was making money you know six hundred a week every time he turns I can tell oh my god disgusting pure garlic right there can I be on your list like down the list like the number 100 just for these farts so I take these garlic parsley tablets you're supposed to take two for you to clean out your system I take three I guess it's work I'm the only on days when you're gonna see me you take the heavy side you know so I gotta take three of them if you take it with us take it back no I'm

gonna take a whiff of it on purpose to turn the white from just from the fucking substance in the air so I work for these guys and you know it was great for about six months I did great I showed up every day and basically the pitch was a shakedown yeah it was a pitch that you had a business and you wanted the police to support you so if you put this PBA sticker on your window or your car they would know you supported the police department yeah and I would sell fucking 200 ads free I don't want to sell ads track you know and one day I said let me actually look at this newspaper this newspaper looked like it cost fucking

two cents to make yeah like it was like some kid made it with crayon and then I asked one of the guys that worked and he goes you didn't know the scan they give you 25% and they pretty much keep 65% and give the other 10% to a charity all three owners had BMWs and Lexus is and convertibles I remember the three guy and I'm on the way out I am before I like I was leaving on a Sunday and I went to one of the guys I've pre robbed me for fucking eight months and he was robbing people yeah one guy became friendly with me we've come to the Seattle comedy thing but he was a piece of shit I knew it and like the weekend I left I said

yo I need a big favor from young moving can I get two weeks salary advanced to me he goes what do you make a week ago about 600 does that right you check for 12 ching ching pang see yeah I'm back well so many of those places that's how they operate that's how they only give like there's a percentage by law that they have to give when you realize that percentage people if you look it up it's hard we'll break you're gonna second if I donate a hundred dollars the person that I'm donating to after all the funnels and paperwork and bullshit only basically it's a dollar dollars no like 15 it's hot well there's also whisper

down the line so like there's organizations that'll say they'll do what you did and then they make that donation of the 15 bucks out of a hundred to the American Heart Association whatever charity it might be but then they do the same thing like even these established good charities like a buddy of mine he doesn't give money to charities he's got a lot of money because his buddy ran some big famous charity one of the household name ones they had a $50,000 mahogany desk no I know this is what I'm talking about so that's why I see that I'm just putting it right in the mom's pocket that's it

it's just this is going to pay bills this is putting gas in the car food on the table car seats like the family we're helping now soon as a check came in for me and I went all right I can I can afford to give a certain and she showed me the car seats that she bought with the money I gave her because I know right where it's going nobody's touching it funny about a two weeks ago I was at the car wash on Lancashire just getting my car wash and I saw like a dodge mini van show up you know I was in the door slid out three little black kids yeah two little boys and little girl and the guy came out and he gave me your box of

fucking candy remember what I told you stick to the motherfucking script you know I'm like sitting there going this guy's like a fucking pimp and I still remember getting caught up one of those things one day with this fat disgusting dude this dude him and his sister both of them tipping the scales at 500 I don't want to say his name on here from North Bergen but she came to me when they she's like do you want to make money my brother makes money and all that shit and she was as ugly as fuck and fat as fuck and her brother was a slob just like over the sides her brother made Ralphie looks more and all he would do is sit in that

car and smoke cigarettes and drink milkshakes from Carvel he would have three of those things in this fucking car at one time Jesus he was huge so what he would do is drive you into a neighborhood and you would knock on doors to get newspaper subscriptions and he would give you like 25 cents a subscription and I'm there for getting we had to meet him at 9 and then worked 12 but that day he picked three gangsters mm-hmm he picked like the wrong three gangsters yeah get who he picked but like we were like 12 o'clock we take a lunch he's like I don't do lunch like yo fat boy you do a lot over you

guys we would like to like 13 that's great like in the eighth grade he called like the three wrong guys I forget I wish I could remember who he had I don't remember but we're like yo we're eating I don't take lunch because we all work with different people in the neighborhood and the street code was whatever you hire kids enable you got to feed them lunch yeah I got a pizza you got to get sandwiches from the deli that's what I was trying to tell Lee about when I took we on the road he goes why you I go it's the code I go the headliner always has to pay code we go to the movies I go leave put your money

away well you're not gonna pay for this too when I go you have to the headliner buys the meals if the headliner asked you to the movies we gotta pay you just pay it forward you'll be paying me some feature act yourself exactly all comes back yeah you know I think Joe Rogan Joe Rogan bought me more stakes than my mother did that's a fact Joe Rogan bought me more $40 stakes than my mother did that's a fact I remember Joe Rogan taking us out to that diner I didn't even know that diner existed in that what's that fancy hotel right across the street from the store the standard that's there starving blue cheeseburg yes tremendous

you're Joe goes like this oh I don't even know it was in there I've been there ordered everything everything off the menu he could get two of those no back up my period we were and it was the only meal I'd have all day I'd never up forever be grateful we would either walk to he would make us walk to the fuck the standard you're like god damn it and you walk to the stand it because it wasn't worth getting out of the thing like eight of us but the blue cheeseburg standard with the french fries oh I know at 20 years ago guys this is 19 this is news radio 90 this is pre fear factor that's how long that was where you would

take us to the standard or pink dot was guaranteed if he wasn't on the moon to walk I would get off to he would watch my spot yeah at 130 and then we'd head to pink dot and get the meatball palm with a roast beef sandwich I remember you that's one because you knew I was starving you gave me half your sandwich you because I was managing the club yes and you brought in and you go here do yourself a favor because I was living off those peanuts Mitzi would sell in the red in the red plastic bags that's all I had to eat all day I don't forget reading kennison's book and him talking about him and callable get to the store at seven

and eat the fruit bartenders bartenders would cut that's how hungry they were yeah I remember finding myself one day putting extra limes and a coke for like vitamins like I'm so broke you don't want to get scurvy or something I don't want to get scurvy like I'm snorting coke I'm eating fucking Wendy's burgers for lunch I got to put some type of vitamin in real food it was Huck who told me you can I talk to you and Huck used to do coke and have false teeth yeah so when he snorted coke the false teeth would shatter and it's not tremendous I love talking so Huck was the first person that ever told me you know I care about

you you don't not get the because he's like from where they from Thailand you do not get offended if I tell you he goes you drink too much soda he was the first person ever had the balls he goes the other night I count 14 15 so does you have to stop wow it's like okay and I started drinking diet he's like no diet bad too yeah let's meet halfway so whatever he would be on shift I drink jack and coke with diet you know yeah he's the first person I told me you're too old you're too this is 20 years yeah he was telling me you're too old to be drinking soda did I love Huck so much loved him were you there tonight he

dropped run as easy with the all those guys are Thai boxers he dropped run as easy with a liver kick going quarter speed I mean he just I've never seen a human being fall like that because precise those Muay Thai guys he grew up to not not kicking trees down and he tripled Tony and we were trying to hold him back and he had the strength of ten fucking elephants it was one of those things that you hold somebody you're like oh my god come on knock it off I can't do this like he was really pushing me and I was 300 I was one of pounds and he was moving he was going after tripling that night was probably

Tony Tony was like the middle one yeah well that looked like Bruce Lee like the guy yes he looked like the guy who played Bruce Lee Chris whatever his name and he had a sinister laugh Tony loved me he come in and watch my sets and he just go like that I remember that those are weird times those are weird when he told me about the fucking sodas I was like thank you yeah he goes you come in for six night a week drink 15 sodas 15 so that's a lot from 8 to 10 and then you go home and you're up to a full for sure all that caffeine yeah but now I'm really happy and proud of you that you're doing this because I know that

you're doing it out of nothing bothers me more when people take a cause yeah you see right through it yeah you know listen I like people who do things and nobody has to know that that's exactly you know what the truth is when I do something nobody needs to nobody's business that's it I'll put anonymous on there yeah all my stuff you know if you got to do something to let people know don't do you're doing it for the wrong and that's this whole thing I'm very leery about because of one person spends the money the wrong way one person does something I'll bought the name help Steve I didn't want my name on it I

didn't even want to put anything out there but then my buddy Sal that owns a pizza place downtown he went and we were talking and he's a smart guy self-made guy and he goes I understand everything you're saying but he goes you have to be more concerned that that mom that can't afford a car is gonna get a car so she can go visit her kid and get her kid to the hospital then what anybody else says or thinks but if I was rich I wouldn't I would just do it I would just pay it without anybody knowing that's the whole reason why I wanted to get into this business was to help people but I was like I might never

become rich and these people still need help so I used to give what I could give and then a couple years ago a podcast listener sent me a couple hundred bucks at Christmas it was Thanksgiving I was in the stinky motel I took a gig at that Mall of America three months in advance November yeah I'm open in November and I realized it was Thanksgiving weekend so I'm sitting in the motel that they knocked down since knocked down it was horrible it's one of those motels where the floor wasn't even this wasn't the new mall no it was across the parking lot from the new Mall of America it was horrible they knocked it down and built

a nicer hotel but I was in that hotel a podcast listener just heard me say something about visiting a family at the hospital she goes I want my kids to know the value of giving is that all right if I sent can I pay value a little donation so they know I go yeah I thought it was gonna be 25 bucks or something $250 $400 so then first time I ever shared anything on social media because I don't want anybody to know what I was doing I want does anybody have a hookup with playstations because now I thought if somebody kept me an employee discount I could buy two of them and I could help both families immediately my

buddy Carlo from the Italian deli sends me a message he goes there's two point brand new playstations at the deli pick them up he goes use that money for other gifts then Andrew Themless who produces Bill Burr's podcast goes I think we should do something with this he goes Bill hates normal charities he doesn't trust him he goes buddy trust you after a while that's how terrible is that step we're making that statement everybody says it it's a well-known thing it's a well-known thing it's fucking horrible that's the world we live in it's fucking horrible like in my deepest darkest fucking moments I wouldn't

even fake something like that now like the guy who scammed me put like a kid up with tubes and shit and I'm like who thinks this up like in my darkest fucking moments I'd rather rob you with a gun absolutely I've always had a fucking thing if you come and rob me with a gun I'll give it to you yeah but don't try to fucking calm me with something like that I remember going back and looking at the thing because they sent me everything in the email that I had retweeted yeah day that would time and yeah I don't know how the guy got caught I don't know what was but I remember how like I felt stupid yeah I felt taken because you can't

help everybody I know every little bit absolutely well it kills your spirit too kills your spirit that's the problem like you mess up once and then people go forget it I'm not gonna give the any charity I'm not gonna trust anybody so it's it's it's horrible they're they're killing the kindness and I just told you a story of me admitting to you guys me borrowing money from a guy that I knew I was not gonna give money to right regardless of whether the guy was a good guy or a bad guy my deed should not be applauded we giggled here because you know I am right I've done some very cold-blooded things like cold-blooded

things but they've always been to people in a way who had it coming they got themselves involved over the head there was some few unfortunates there were some good people came up to me and said I want to be a cocaine investor right what do I get if I give me 10,000 20,000 yeah if you're gonna come up to me and give me 10,000 I gotta take it from me yeah if you're gonna be that stupid you reminded me of Paulie Walnuts when he goes purgatory because soldiers don't go to hell for killing other soldiers that's what you're doing with soldiers to soldiers to soldiers so but putting up a thing or saying that you're a CEO you're

the whatever of a nonprofit and I find out you're driving a fucking convertible beam of my blood pressure goes zero over my buddy that started the regular hero charity the only money that doesn't go straight to the cause is to the accountant and to the lawyer he lives in his art studio and he doesn't have a car so like when we would do a fundraiser at the store and get like eight grand from the door at eight thousand dollars you could track it exactly to what families that went to and then what they spent the money on to like people go look I need to pay my rent done I need to get a car for this done and I'm we

need to do I'm grateful to be a part of those families that's what I got it set up at the store yeah well we Uber Uber comedy store already paid for the drinks as t-shirts that would be great at the moms needed the families need fucking Gino kicking some speed weed yeah some CBD or we could get CBD line yeah get involved if you need them I need that because that's some kids who want CBD or whatever we get I got a family in Pennsylvania where that's the only thing there was actually a kid I grew up with who reached out to me was like I see what you're always doing because here's my situation and we know

TAC in it so everybody's happy yeah and it's working for this kid and his seizures it's the only thing that worked yeah it's a listen it's so weird I forgot to bring it with me this week in the Kansas City I have a 500 milligram CBD line in my travel bag like a rub no I have the tension okay my tongue at night uh-huh like just as I'm getting in that realm yeah that after the show jitters yep CBD yeah you're elevated the CBD and I know a lot of people are going joey you need TAC in it listen I got enough TAC on my own trust me when I put two tinctures under my tongue at night I got an hour an hour 15 minutes

it's great it's a slow thing but you know what I need now let me write for now yep and you know what am I doing in my life and then you sleep solid through the night I don't pee that's great wait till you turn 47 and every hour on the hour you start peeing you know different foods and different whatever make sure whatever swell yeah your prostate or whatever this you know there's nights I would get up and the pee would come out like my prostate would be swollen or whatever and the pee will come out like dribbles like that you stand there for actually seven minutes wake yourself up you're like I can't go back to sleep now

and there's some nights or a fucking like after you fly mm-hmm so after you fly you retain that water a guy like me gets that water his legs when I get to the hotel I put the computer on I lay on the floor I lay on the bed with my legs higher to get the water down forget it all night I'll be fucking peeing guess what dirt for Thursday night I got in that hotel 11 Kansas City did the CBD slept like a tank great I'm gonna get I even went to bed at 11 o'clock at late time wow cuz I thought I was gonna be up till fucking 2 in the morning the morning yeah I was body pockets all messed up wasn't better 11 30 1 30 I turned the

lights off that's great hard and I got up Friday night in Kansas City I went to bed without the CBD I was like fuck two hours into your sleep there you are peeing mom and then Saturday I was so excited about then I got back and I didn't and I didn't sleep at all really yeah I slept like three hours and I woke up at five and what came out of my dick was to a pound the fucking year and drinking all those waters during the show yeah because the elevation in Denver too I need to drink water all the time when I got there I took my pants off before the shower mm-hmm I was watching the baseball game when I threw

my leg up on the bed and something made me look at my legs I was there for three hours and already my skin was fucking brutally dry on my legs I was like oh my god I mean I got there I took my sweatshirt off after the plane I put short time we were right to Sam's number three oh that diners walk right we were two minutes Uber was like five bucks ah right there on the corner I 25% on Uber X all weekend because I'm glad I was living all over X like a doctor like five hours going around the world that's right bro we weren't in listen we got off the plane in Denver went upstairs I go Felicia I'll call you in five minutes I

basically went back to my computer I plugged it in plugged in the sleep app machine took a piss washed my hands rolled the joint went downstairs man that's how quick it was there was no time for discussion her bridge Sam number three got there we got a cool waitress I love that spot all I have for breakfast is oatmeal that morning because I was prepared I I starved I had a four point protein bar on the flight that my wife packs me on the plane they're fucking tremendous I knew I was gonna kill some points yeah so I went and got a bowl of green chili which is like 16 points that's just a day killer and then

I opened up with the chicken beef fajitas oh and I kept it light I only ate one tortilla that's good the rest I ate I didn't touch the cheese I ate all the lettuce all I took the salsa lettuce onions the salsa there's so mixed with all the salsas to die for then we invited the waitress to the show she nearly died and she came with her mother and her mother's boyfriend oh that's great yes she came to the show I texted I texted the bowl of chili before I got up I ate members in the church show up to Sam's number three oh my that's fantastic that's when you know Sam's number three guy came with his dad I

want to thank you for saying hello another couple showed up when I was eating barbecue in Kansas City I took a picture I'm within three minutes a girl came up she's like I can't believe I'm here with you I noticed the plate wow that's awesome that means more to me than the comedy show like that shit like when I post green chili and you show up to Sam's number three out of respect that's you got me that real connection it's it was it was just like it's the best oh my god oh my fucking god we had that happen in Reno this guy who worked at the same one shop we went twice he knew everyone from the podcast he knew me and he wanted to

start comedy and we offered him for tickets and what we show he introduced him like we put him on his path we put him on his comedy path I was like John this is not a mistake this is divine intervention you've been thinking about comedy you have a comedy notebook but you haven't done your first open mic yet and we show up and we're doing a pot you put him on stage no he wouldn't do it he'd never been up yet he hadn't been up yet so when but we hooked him up with Wayne and Wayne was like gave him us four shows he goes we're gonna start with these didn't he Wayne open up the books form or something he I don't know

if he got booked but he definitely knows where the open mics are now when he knows Wayne so he probably might I just didn't hear that part so we I think Wayne give him days oh wow wow divine intervention any career hmm it's so life-changing and life gives you little signals and you don't pay attention to the first and all of a sudden one day you just put in this situation and that thing you wanted to do now you're doing it mm-hmm you know with me I wanted to do it like me too three people told me yeah look I get anxiety just thinking about it like I wanted to do it so bad I had a fucking day job I was a roofer oh it's

hard work I was estimated but I still worked my ass off I was the hardest I had to work with my brother-in-law's company I had to work hard and everybody else yeah and not people say your brother-in-law exactly yeah I was climbing ladder stocking jobs getting coffee estimating going and keeping everybody happy taking estimation classes at night for fucking different companies I went into it you know when I went in I went in he gave me a tremendous salary I'm not gonna lie to you he gave me a great salary that I did not deserve but I knew I just couldn't accept it I had to work to get

that salary so I became an estimated but calmly was still ringing and then we had a snow day and I watch plinch line and that was it oh with Tom Hanks yeah my fucking heart broke and I'm like you know like half crying why did I fucking get married you know why does life have to be so but I didn't have the balls to go on stage so what difference is it making life is fair or not you're gonna be a pussy about getting on stage life is never gonna be fair yeah I sat there for six months I sat there for maybe a year yeah without I know that feeling and then I finally went into a fucking thing to get coffee and for some reason I

opened up a notebook and I saw a picture Andy Payton and it was talking about Roseanne success and do you want to be a stand-up these are the comedy stand-up courses and if you want me to tell you that was divine intervention I think it was if you want me to tell you with something else you believe that the Lord put that in my path whatever he may be Chinese black exactly who knows Jewish whatever that God is I don't want you to go over Joey's going off the reservation talking about God no whatever that power is at the universe because it was one of these things where you take a newspaper go like that and

there it was yeah come on you know it wasn't like I got the newspaper said oh what you know right a guy lit his kid on fire today and then no I opened up the middle just some habit yeah and there it was so I think back now thank God for whatever or whatever karma putting that side up yeah that's what was your son well I had so many of them but I remember once Joe Maderese I'd met him at a I got boot off stage at a place called what was it was called the Laugh House in Philly in Philly right that's a hard start in it he was want to give me a pep talk J J used to close it out J yep my first open mic ever I got boot off

stage was horrible what was my first open mic at that place I done a few like a year before and I'm like that's it I'm not doing it but then I had that bug like I was thinking about it all week so then I went you know what I'm not gonna perform I'll just go down and watch then I went down and watch and honestly was Kevin Hart who gave me like a pep talk come back no sign up next week do it and then the headliner that weekend was Maderese who I had heard about years before about some kid from Philly that went to New York and was doing good things so then I met Maderese at that show I came back the open mic was on

Tuesday I came back Friday or Saturday night and Maderese one got a slice of pizza with me and gave me a pep talk he's like no just this is how you do it and I went okay and then it still took years for me to really do it and then Maderese invited me up to New York once we went to a Yankee Red Sox day game and I'm like this is what comedians do during the day this is great that night we went to Gotham that had just opened up because one of his buddies heard that Seinfeld was gonna do a pop-in so then all the comics are hanging out I wind up talking to Seinfeld and this is like in 2099 something like that he's

like the biggest star in the world he was very nice to me and then I came to LA I went home I quit my job my buddy that was supposed to move out here with me he was too much of a he was too afraid to quit his job he had a government job he didn't want to give up so now I had no job nothing I thought I'd never do comedy again and then a buddy and my mom was like well maybe Hollywood will come to you and I'm like really and you think that's gonna happen I go to the Iron Sport Gym my buddy Jax goes hey he was so beer like one of those guys that he was we're having a comedy contest and if you win it you get to perform with

Paulie Shore and I go get out of here so I go I entered it I'd been on stage like maybe eight times won the contest met Paulie and that's how I got out here God had to put a thousand signs I one side didn't work for me I mean they were I could go into detail still dear friends of Paulie Shore yeah 20 years later yeah been working at his club he he that comedy service been my family for the last 19 years what's the name of your charity again just what I'm asking for people right now go to help Steve help on Instagram and help Steve help on Twitter if you go to help Steve help calm you'll see the GoFundMe for the

family we're currently helping and in the bio the GoFundMe there's the mom Venmo I'm just asking people for a dollar but for right now if they could just follow us on Instagram Instagram and Twitter then we'll start sharing stories we'll figure out a way to make it easy for people to give a buck and then we're gonna do a podcast with all things comedy throw a patreon or you get the podcast for a buck if you want to donate I don't 50 bucks or something you'll get a custom t-shirt every month whatever it is and that's it be your friend I feel the same way I know you're doing this in the heart and that's the

most important thing a lot of people do this just to get fucking a TV show in this time Jesus yeah I think I'm gonna do one you know a couple years ago I got generous and I donated money to a no-kill cat shelter like they were nice to me till I gave them the money and then I contacted them and I go I like to do a comedy show somewhere and donate a hundred percent yeah get fucking rogue and get yeah and they were like basically we really don't appreciate your style of comedy or you as a human or some shit oh my god that's hurtful listen we teach honest to here on the church yeah when somebody's honest with

you you can't get mad at them when the church on that you got any dates for me talk suck yeah I'm gonna be doing Salt Lake City Thanksgiving weekend at wise guys I'm gonna re-record a CD what was it November 11th and the second Tuesday of November in the belly room then Salt Lake City and then I have Rick Bronson's House of Comedy in Scottsdale first weekend to December then I have the comedy work south the second weekend to December beautiful I have nothing coming up New Jersey sold out so all I got is the Motor City Casino on the 7th Detroit we're fucking coming and on the 8th and 9th the funny bone and Omaha I can't fucking wait to see my girl I love going to that club

when was the last time you went to Omaha that's been years I loved it that's a great great comedy town takes you to a great fucking place to eat like home cook like everybody's fat everybody's got like diabetes at the restaurant their ankles are swollen it's fucking tremendous I love this place thank you very much thank you sharing your your heart warm story and your honesty listen before we leave again the church is brought to you by my bookie listen why pick winners if you ain't gonna bet that's why I go to my bookie it's fast it's easy and they pay when you win let's face it where you're betting is just as important as who you're betting on right or wrong if you're trying to bet on the NFL baseball MMA PFL whatever the fuck it is my bookies got it I

wouldn't be telling you guys to bet with them if they weren't the best do the smart thing if you're gonna bet football this season bet with my bookie you're just two weeks away from pro fucking basketball and baseball playoffs are here you can make a little money off the fucking Yankees or fucking the Washington Senators in the next couple days do you know you can bet games after the kickoff with my bookie no you didn't know if by the second half it looks like your bet is gonna lose you can always take the other side who does that my bookie that's who if you're the type of guy that likes to bet a little and win a lot then we try a little parlay if all your picks come through you multiply your winnings and no matter how you bet the NFL season is still the best time of the

year why because I got college football why because I got pro basketball the first month the lines are soft that's when you get that basketball the first month the lines are soft you got the NHL you got NFL play I mean you listen you got a plethora of fucking gambling I think my bookies got a site where you could bet on two fucking praying mantises in Hong Kong under a basement where the guards ain't the hidden people with sticks and shit like that listen they even got a if all your picks come through you multiply your winnings if you bet a parlay and no matter how you bet the NFL season it's the best time of the year how many times we're gonna say that anyway what I'm trying to say to you is it's time to make some fucking

gear this if you go to my bookie dot ag today right now we're gonna double your first deposit use promo code church chur ch to get 100 bonus on your initial deposit up to a thousand dollars who does that for you nobody bitch so visit my bookie dot ag today that's my bookie dot ag and don't forget to use promo code church when creating your account to claim your bonus all right you play you win you get fucking paid the church would also love to welcome listen you know me when lee was doing his uh nine diets ago when lee did the vegetable fucking thing with the pickle juice and the fucking those 10 beats and shit when he was coming here looking all sour when he was drinking those milkshakes with the with the blender juicing the juice diet remember

his head got all nice and small it looked like my cat super bad his head was nice and small back then I remember him telling me one time what was in it and I made kind of one at the house and it tasted like listen after I drank it I was like Chris Cornell I was ready to hang myself but the church was brought to you by it was terrible by suicide prevention and the juicing don't be fucking juicing what we're talking about here is athletic greens it's an awesome supplement that gives you a big dick swinging energy listen if you're not starting your day off for the blast of vitamins you already lost go back to bed you fuck you're useless but if you want to feel tip-top magoo let athletic greens do the dirty work they got you covered in five critical areas

health energy immunity gut health and hormonal support the number one thing I loved about him when I drank it was the gut support the gut health tremendous you hear little noises and shit you can hear little bugs disappearing from the inside of your systems when you eat that Mexican meat from a taco stand it's got lice in it and shit who else takes care of you like that nobody athletic green does in one scoop you get 75 count them 75 essential vitamins minerals probiotics digestive enzymes raw superfoods mushrooms and whole foods they got everything no more pill bottles are trying to choke down a dozen apples it's all in there the best part is the powder comes in an easy to use travel pack you gotta see this I love this guys when I'm on

the road you throw them in your bag and you know you'll be protected drinking athletic greens is like a daily insurance policy between me and my body it tastes delicious I drink this and then I can have a little fun and you can relax because their ingredients ready for this are plant based so if you're like Lee on keto or like Lee gluten freak you can take this no chemicals no artificial flavors no artificial preservatives no artificial sweetness no added sugar no GMO herbicides lactose sucrose dextrose eggs yeast peanuts or animal products these guys got you covered you need to take care of yourself you need to be a good friend of yourself and that's why I recommend supplements to everybody that's easy you just add cold water shake it up you can take that banana

and shove it up your ass what are you waiting for members of the church family get a special offer all right 23 travel packs valued at 79 dollars with your first purchase do me a favor just check out athletic greens dot com for right now just go check them out read about them see what you think I'll tell you what you're making a big mistake if you don't go with athletic greens to get your travel packs today go to athletic greens dot com slash church athletic greens fucking tremendous I want to thank my bookie I want to thank athletic greens I want to thank CBD line multiple I want to thank you motherfuckers remember on November 7 modus city casino are you kidding me or what and then the 8th and 9th I'm in Omaha Nebraska at the funny bone I want to thank Steve Simone

I want to thank the Christ killer if you came to Denver I fucking love you they came to Kansas City I fucking love you and then if you're coming to Jersey I fucking love you thanks for being sold out I love you motherfuckers have a great Tuesday nobody could take dick from you you got the church under your belt check this fucking meal Lee thank you these people are now I do it dog I'm gonna get the athletic greens over the church I want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart some somebody twice as smart as somebody who will swear to be true as you used to do with me

who'll leave you to learn that misery loves company wait and see I mean I want to be around to see how he does it when he breaks your heart to bits let's see if the puzzle fits so fine and that's when I'll discover that revenge is sweet as I sit there a plod from a front row seat when somebody breaks your heart like you like you