Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #730 - Billy Wayne Davis

Episode Date: October 24, 2019

Billy Wayne Davis, a comedian, writer and actor heard on Adult Swim's "SquidBillies," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio.    This podcast is brought to you by:   Manscaped - Get 20% off your first order and a travel bag if you purchase “The Perfect Package” at www.manscaped.com and use the code CHURCH MyBookie.ag -  Use code promo Church to get a 100% match on your first deposit up to $1,000. Check out Joey's Instagram @madflavors_world on Thursday for a new video where Joey teaches you how to gamble. ForHims- Go to ForHims.com/joey to get your complete hair kit for just $5 while supplies last.   

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Got Willie Billy Wayne Billy Wayne David Billy Wayne Cyrus, I don't fucking know my brother Billy Wayne Davis. I got the Christ killer here We got Led Zeppelin on Thursday morning. Who's better than you? I Love it. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive motherfucker. What it is That is a way to start a day this egg. Listen Billy Ray Billy Wayne. We don't Fucking see it's good to see you too. It's been a long long nice moment. Yeah, last time I saw you a

Young man just that's fair. Yes young man. Yeah, I was kind of fatter and drunker How long have you been in County for now? 16 years when did I meet you you met me? Shit so 2006 West Palm Beach you started in 2000 I started around 2002-2003 Man your West Palm Beach with Ralphie. No, I wasn't no it was through Ralphie. I was down there

I had met my now ex-wife down there where I was hanging out with her and you and Joe came through the improv and He was like, yo, you need to go meet Uncle Joey And I didn't have you know Fucking feature act so if I had $50 on me, I was like, we are doing good So yeah, that's when I met you. You were super nice Like one of the funniest people I'd ever seen it's like one of those things where I was like, oh I gotta rethink how I'm doing a lot of this It was just to watch you do this and then I got nervous and then you're really nice

And then that's just an intense place to meet anyone. Now you with the Spanish girl at the time. Yes, okay Yes, you met her down there. Yes, and then how'd you end up in Seattle? She got a job there Okay, now that I have a couple months after I met you. Yeah, did we do the radio together with you know, listen I got great. I could tell you what I ate for breakfast in 82 Asked me what I ate for breakfast today. I got no fucking idea. I don't think Maybe I'll do the right. Yeah, you probably did with Joe in West Palm because she was on the radio there on that main radio Yeah, oh without a doubt. Yeah, because that's how I met you started Well in Nashville, Tennessee saying no shit hoping Mike and it's the whole fucking. Yes. Yeah, it was the yeah

Nashville I was spoiled because Zanies is where I started I got to be the house emcee there for a while and then I started out on the road and that place is so Perfect for stand-up. They treat you so well. It's the best people come through there. Then when I went out on the road I was like what the fuck is this? No, this is a comedy club. I was like, no, it's not there's not even and you're like, oh, okay I need to shut up, you know like I just need to be thankful for work But I was so spoiled about how it could be

And now I've been doing it 16 years. I'm like, oh, that's still the best place And you'd be the house emcee Sunday through Yeah, it'd be Wednesday through Sunday. Usually. Wow. Yeah, so you get good quick. Oh, yeah Yeah, you get really there was like a local open mic on Tuesdays and then but like I was so used to because I just Quit college well after I started doing stand-up because I was like, oh, this is what I want to do and So I was ready to respect how many years you throw away in college deciding because this is a poll like There's a question. I ask a lot of people I would say I threw away two years and then I played baseball for the first two years scholarship

You could call it that you know, don't disrespect that. I didn't mean no throw it away What I mean was I do what I mean was finding ourselves. Oh, yeah, you know, I'm a I'm a big debater on And now I have a daughter and I'm still thinking about it If they want it the first year of college take off go get a job. Yes, learn what the outside world is Learn a little bit and then go to college and now you have more of an idea It's like I tell people that are doing stand-ups and then they get into a movie Yeah, you know when people do a movie they're excited for the first three days. Fuck. I mean like a king After the 10th week at 14 hour days, you're like, I can't wait to get back on the road and make $600

Yes, and do whatever I want to fuck out of my time, you know It takes somebody to be you know, the grass is always fucking greener when you're in Clark, Tennessee on a one night of the creative. Yeah, and you're like my life has to change Yeah, and then you come back in your book a TV show for three weeks. You're like, wow, I'm on TV fuck Clark, Tennessee And you can never do that. No, you can't do that. It's so weird how Even now like when I'm a little bored with stand-up late this year. I got a movie I was a little burnt out at the time. I'm not gonna lie to you Well, you at the end of Iran period is different than you at the beginning of Iran

Just think of the flight to the gig on Wednesday or Thursday and in that flight home Saturday Sunday morning Just how you feel at the end and like that's how we would jump in the gun here Well, how about the drive on Tuesday night to get there on Wednesday? But you know what I mean that Sunday at nine o'clock with your car pack when the club gives you that last cheeseburger that you beat in the same Burgers this Wednesday does it's consistent. It's consistent and they give you one to go at night So you wake up in the middle of night eating that fucking cheeseburger. Oh, man, you know that that I

Don't know I but do you think at that I think and I got those we were talking earlier before he's like certain gifts That you at the time you're like man, this is devastating But like five years into the future like you see something like that coming and then you get out of the way You're like, oh, that's why oh, I'm so glad that hit me when I didn't have anything That kind of stuff, right? So like I remember this guy I started with who I still is one of the funniest people I know but doesn't he hated Everything I loved about the road immediately like being away from home being in shitty hotels seeing a new shitty town Like meeting terrible people. I loved every second of it and then getting on stage was like a fucking

Oh, and we get to do stand-up This is he hated every part of it and then he had a regular job by the end of the year Because he was like this is not and he's still doing stand-up for that. No No, no, it just wasn't for he recognized that early like this is what this is for a long time And I hate all this stuff. Okay, you get into stand-up. Yeah, you get into plumbing you get into construction You get into whatever You're in part of a union you you work in a daytime and three nights a week you go for classes And all of a sudden three years in you meet a fucking girl. Yep

And you spit out a fucking kid and now your life has to change at different points You have to start sacrificing a little bit that's like football league you went on Saturdays. That's out the window Okay, you go to your to Lee's house to watch football on Sunday. That's done, you know, there's all these things that get Eliminated, you know With comedy it's so weird how Even for me, I tell this to people all the time one minute It's 615 and I'm sitting across the table staring at my six-year-old Same prayer before breakfast

Knowing that two hours later, I'm gonna go to the store and talk about that's Pelosi's titties Yeah, yeah, it is a do you know I'm saying yes, it's a distinct Difference, I don't know what the fuck originally We His friend didn't like them, but it is the same thing is like I've told people don't I've told when I started in Denver, I Learned there was 50 guys the comedy scene was great Roseanne bar. I just come out of that. Yeah So the comedy still great in dinner. It's still great in Denver

There were comics that went on the road There were comics that had parade aspirations of TV and I could name you three comics right now That decided the road wasn't for them. They had accepted that yeah They had kids that had wives that didn't believe in sleeping in a sleazy hotel or paying their dues And they wrote a lot that became good writers. It forces you to do different things. Yes, it does It's a different thing. It's me cutting off your left arm. Yeah, you can't go to the road I'm cutting off your left arm. How are you gonna make it through life now and This guy ended up being like a headliner

Denver headliner and at that time Denver had four clubs Colorado Springs had four clubs one one club That's five club. That's five clubs. That's ten weeks away. That's ten. That's a fifteen on that's fifteen thousand dollars Whatever he would do all the one night is in the area. He would do new years at a local bar and Whatever I'd see him I give him a hug and he was fucking happy as shit Yeah, and I used to look at him at that time and go between us What a loser now, he knew but he wasn't a loser. No, I respect him because he knew what he was gonna become This is what I don't like about this and I'm not doing it. Yeah, I'm not doing freedom. It's it's a freedom I'm not doing it and but how is if

If this is really your dream to paint and you don't like going to the 10th floor of a warehouse You're not you have to figure out how to paint. Yeah, exactly Okay, you have to figure out how to do what you're doing and become successful and make a living I've said this once and I've said this ten thousand times. I'll stand behind it There's 50 guys scattered in each state. How many states we have fifty fifty three He's got fifty right now. Yeah, fifty three Fifty four with Mexico, you know what I'm saying? Yes 52

There's 52 comics But a funnier than 10 people I go to the comic store right now. Oh without a doubt that are stuck in their situation They're scared They're married with kids But they get outright Outperform out dance out fucking do anything my fucking fat ass and have to fucking commerce in that life Here's what though. Here's the question I have when I've done this too. I agree with you, but There is it's that extra thing

That makes you go to the company store or makes you move your family Out and live in the valley while you go do this and then find other avenues to make money being creative That those guys are like I like knowing that I'm this good But that extra thing that they can't go on the road if it pops Do you know what I mean? Or they're scared if it pops because what if a lot of people know who I am? That's a scary one for me for a while. There's people knowing who I am and then what if they come see me and I'm not funny I Got over it, you know, once you see how much money you can make you're like, oh, that's even better, but that's I just think that It's okay, I look at it through the eyes the lens of like a baseball player like I saw I

Got to a certain point that I was like, oh, this is what it needs to be done to be a professional And play at the thing I thought I want I have no fucking interest in that was it that was mentally devastating for me I didn't realize it at the time, but it was just something. It was very obvious like I don't want to do this anymore This is not what I thought it was But I can still exist in a certain level That's respectable on baseball But I it wasn't that I couldn't

Or I didn't want to go do this that this made me happy. It was like, oh, I don't have the mental When you play baseball, you honestly thought that what just what we're talking about. I'm confused Yeah, I well the question I have is Like at a certain point it seems like because I know for me my goal for a lot of my life was just money Yeah, you know that I mean For the people who are stuck and for the people who like I you got to a place We're like, I don't want to do I don't want to deal with the bus rides to the baseball games I don't want to deal with with with the 10-hour workouts or whatever it was that made you not want to do it

It's not that like is it that is it weird to like make what you love Into a business at a certain point like no I don't like to like to all right. No, I think if I I think looking back on it if I could have skipped some steps There's a point you get to a professional level where it's probably like relaxing that it's on a baseball level We're just like well, I'm a whatever and it's this performance So there's only so much I can you know your commodity so when you quit college you pretty basic with baseball No, I quit baseball before I quit college. Okay, so when you quit baseball, how did you feel? Oh? Relief or were you in the back of your mind? Did you see yourself playing for the Yankees?

Did you see yourself on the mound last night against the fucking I always? Okay to a point? Yeah, how did it feel when you saw I'm done. Did you feel I? Knew it needed to be done like when I went to the bigger school I knew people on the team That asked me if I was interested in coming to like what try out or whatever and like I was like You know there was like a day where I was like hi, and then I was like no, I don't I don't I want to see what all this other Stuff's about because the thing looking back the thing I hated the most about it Was it's every day? I had to play baseball every day of all year

And I grew up playing every sport whatever was in season And then I also like my mom's an English teacher my dad's a history teacher and a football coach So I have like this academic side to that was Fucking pounded into me so I have all these other interests and I was like this just doesn't see and people were on steroids So I was like Now this isn't the thing I thought no was a comedy bug alive and you at this point I Mean as an interest. Yeah, but not as a performer. You haven't got up yet. No, I was just fun at parties Do you know what I mean?

Like I had to like be funny. I was funny final push before you go on stage This girl I was dating Sid why don't you try it because I always watched it like I always was kind of obsessive about like funny stuff I like those days. Who are you watching as a comic? Who do you remember? I remember this is like a thrill of mine was like I worked in the computer Part of the campus that was my on-campus job I was just someone that installed them because I knew shapes, you know, you just plug in shapes So the none of this offer shit I was doing but they're like he's strong in those shapes

But then they this guy that knew the computers taught me Napster And I found headbark because I went straight everybody else is like music and I went straight to stand up now They look back at that's like the first thing I did and I never heard of him But he was like very popular on the underground thing and I was like a start list to him is that first one from the last stop And I was like this is he was my secret for a while. I said, this is some of the funny shit I've ever heard And then I missed your show. I was like I was really into that at the time and I like Gaffigan in the tail and I love Greg draw so when I got to meet some of these people later. It was like

couldn't I played it real cool with both of Mitch and Greg. I had to hang with them But it was like well, they didn't let me down either. They were just like real ass dudes And that's probably why I dug them so much looking back on it. But that's who I was into. I Mean Bill Hicks when I first started comedy. I didn't know who he was if I'm being honest Until you meet other open micers who like have you heard this dude? That's great She pursued she she told me she was like just go try it. Where'd you go Zaini's?

No, she was in Bowling Green, Kentucky and Zaini's was the closest thing I knew of a stand-up club They had a night in Bowling Green like once a month. I remember I found out Tom Sobel for the Louisville booked it, you know, I found out later on what all of it was but before You're just like there's a thing they do kind of And I never went there sober enough to really before I was interested in it To understand what it was. It was like some dude talking in the other room. Well, we there was shot special So Yeah, that's what was the question

So you got up a Zaini's for the first time. Yeah, you had to call The lady was mean that I called. She's like, I'm a I remember she said cunt in the phone call I remember being like this is different I was like any other business you called if they said Connery anything like that. I'll just remember like this is cool So you had to bring four people But they had a lineup of like 15 people there, but I got four or five minutes They all brought four people. So it was like once a week. It was packed to an open mic. Yeah It was packed, but the guy that went on before me was fucking

And I just spoke in front of people enough do like church and baseball and all that stuff that I was like I can talk And then I got a laugh and I think the audience was like this guy's like he gets what this is So there was like that relief and then I did all right I mean some of it didn't go the way I wanted it to but overall I was like I remember being relieved on stage That I'd found what I was gonna do with my life like that moment Like consciously the weirdest fucking fucking insane. I mean I'm 38 now. Yeah when you're like the 10th step You're like, that's it. I still remember 1991

Walking up the hill at Little Hill and comedy works because I got on stage at comedy works. See that's We're both spoiled. This is the pinnacle. I was roofing. I was going to estimate a school I was thinking of going back to college and trying to get finished my degree like in Fort Collins and but lost And everything went down the tube right after that I walked up the comedy club owner said that I have good stage presence To keep coming back and after the show wrap this it stick around and people were talking to you And I'm like wait a second, you know, this is the first time people have talked to me About anything except cocaine

Prison shit like this. Yeah, like no every conversation. I've had there's always a negative one This is like the first time like people can we wear come back? You know and all this shit. I remember just driving home sitting next to my wife at the time going like This is never gonna happen. Oh Yeah, this is a fucking fantasy And like feeling This is never gonna happen

Because you are it was so you felt so good and that was so fucking foreign to probably it was Listen guys right now. You're in college You're working in the desk office one night one night you take your guitar and you go down to fucking Julio's bar You get three beers and you go up there and you do a rendition of fucking Joan Baez and you fall in love with it, but you got a wife and a kid Yeah, and you got insurance for the family and now you got to go back to your fucking desk and add numbers and call white people and Tell them why they should buy your sanitation products is whatever the fuck you do for a living Yeah, and now you have this passion side of you. It's a horrible

Feeling it was like a horrible and all in that night. I got a gig I could really which which which really right there the next night was like are you busy tomorrow night? Can you do the Denver Bronco training? Camp facility tomorrow night and Greeley and I'm like are you fucking serious? So you have to meet the Broncos? Yeah, the shitty ones. Okay. I mean that's still like a risk. That's a crazy reward of me And there was like a headliner and somebody else. I just want to tend to like three minutes I didn't know what I was doing. I'm driving. I'm going. Oh my god. They gave me five hours for gas It's a win. I was like, oh my god, but how am I gonna get out of this?

How the fuck am I gonna? Because I had already worked with a comedy club Before I got on stage. I didn't have the ball soon on stage. I worked for a comedy club for like five or six months Yeah, and everybody told me about the road and you started $150 a week under $50 a week is 600 a month, I think and that's yeah, and you're driving There's no helicopter service to get you to where you're going. So now all these things. How did you feel? Well, you weren't married or anything. Well, that's the thing like I was at that age where I was like, oh, I could I went and I Had to figure out how to quit school. I think that was the thing right after that till my parents

But they figured it out pretty quick and then I was a good enough student It wasn't that you know what I mean? That wasn't the issue and they were I'd looking back. They were just good like yeah, we've you're wasting fucking money Just like kind of getting drunk and doing fine in school. Then I was like, that's a good point but then Because of baseball or whatever discipline, I had that same mentality where I was like, oh I went and worked at a restaurant for a month and just saved that money lived my parents for like a month and a half That's as I had the plan was three months, but I could only do a month and a half back home

I was like, and I just took all that money and lived on this dude's couch For eight months and got a servant job and was just at Zany's for it Any this comedy thing I could be at in Chattanooga or anything for the next Well now that's pretty much what I started doing You know, then I got married when I was far enough in when I got married the first time. I don't see how well Ralphie came through I was working at Zany's and His hmm his feature at the time was not good at comedy and The dude I I was hosting at Zany's I was supposed to do 12 10 to 15 minutes depending on the who of the aqua

so I did 10 his Ralphie's verbose and I Came off and then me and Ralphie were just talking and The dude that was featuring just came walking out walk walk him back into the green room Seven minutes after I introduced it And now he's like, what are you doing? He's like, oh, I'm done So I just like ran out there and I was like Ralphie's like give me a minute And so I like stalled into the announcements or whatever

and then brought out Ralphie and Ralphie does his thing and came back and then just like berated that dude. He was like, well, you know You're supposed to do at least 20 25 minutes. He's like, why'd you come on? He's like, I wasn't doing good And I remember being like I was in comedy just long enough to I was like you can't do that Can't you just kind of like sit in it for the next fucking till till you get that light man. That's how that works He was like, I was just going bad. So I was like get off the stage and I just remember thinking like that's It's a crazy thing to just say even now if I'm being honest It is crazy to hear never walked off the stage never knew you could never knew it was an option

I was just like, oh, it's not going good. This is gonna hurt. Okay. Good night. You can't know I never knew you're like I have to get paid so you guys have to be mad at me for the next 15 minutes Well, I just try to talk He's left and then I Made it rougher for him the rest of the week Because I was young and mean, you know, you don't know your job more than you are competitive So I was like, I just smelled blood and I was like, I'm gonna make it real hard for us, too And rally thought that was funny that I was doing that and then we got along just because he's a poor kid from Arkansas

I was a poor kid from East, Tennessee He was way poor than he grew up way poor and I did but the same kind of outlook about like, what are these all these? None of these people leave. What's happening? Let's go He's a great. We lived on I-40. We lived on the same interstate. It's different part. It was like we can get out of here It's fucking great So we got along on that level and then we smoked weed Bunked and then he asked me to come to Chattanooga in a couple weeks My sister lived near that place. So I just stayed with them and then I

Made it rough for that dude again and uh, ah I was doing purpose Don't know I'm not embarrassing, but I do I remember his name. Okay, is he still around? I don't know if he does stand up But he might you know, it might be one of those things where he's like he's doing corporate shit You just don't know he's making money and then you out him and somebody hears it, too It's like I doubt he's doing corporate shit. Yeah, I don't want to have nobody. Yeah, he's I liked him as a person He just wasn't good at stand-up. Listen, man, you know, I tell this to a lot of people when you're doing comedy two three four years

You're in a danger zone. Yeah Because that's the first time people see You don't want nobody to see You don't want nobody to see You want to hide like a motherfucker. You want to do the creepiest gigs So when you're ready for that four-year gig You're ready. Yes, but anybody who sees you before the first four years That's all they remember for five years. I was that that was what I was told for five years

That's what people were gonna remember. If you work Like if you're banging them out and fucking it's four years you feel it because I know I didn't like Like I started to feel it like I had done it two years spinning my wheels And then three years where I ate slept and drank it and shit it that was it There's no other option to get good at right Well, after like two years of spinning or three years of spinning your wheels The worst thing is to see somebody jump over Oh, yeah frog over. Yeah. No, that's it. No, and it always happens. Yeah, it always happens

Two or three people that you were doing open mics with now they're regulars at the commie store and you're like How the fuck did Whoa, okay This is what needs to be done your whole career too. Yeah. Yeah now, but see that's where Those guys that didn't want to go on the road. Everybody has different phobias I was taught my Style of economy was taught you had to go on the road

and you had to go on the road and there was a Road system. Yes an a room a b room a c room and fucking you're in hell You need some work for the first two or three years. You're just in hell room or in c room That's it. You know, we really don't want to go out of there every once in a while A friend of yours will throw you into an a room Just to look just to pull yourself out of the water to make sure the island's still there Well, and it just you gotta push yourself down It is good to know what you're working on what you're working on

Yes, that was huge for me and Because of thank god my work ethic that helped me to be at zany's Also seeing this was huge for me looking back Seeing different acts that I necessarily wouldn't give a shit about selling out And you were doing 28 shows a month So, no, he did a good job of being like some months would be two weeks. Okay some months three Some months one Do you know what I mean seven sets?

Oh, it was Wednesday Thursday Friday Wednesday two two saturday one sunday. No, no three saturday three saturday Yes, I learned that's three saturday. That's the accelerated program. Oh, it was my friends when I go back to obama I could be like this isn't fair and I'm like, no, no, it's no it's not accelerate an mc. We get help people at the time an mc week Like once you get into the mc process, especially here now. I they want to skip it It's the dumbest thing and then it's not gonna work for you. No How someone told us May have been charged. Do you do you do 10 guest sets?

At those improvs you got one two three four up an ox night All right, you do guest sets On a Thursday somebody talk, you know, when you wake up on a Monday the first thing you should do is look at the improv Sheets, yeah, and see who's doing shows And see who's producing shows and reach out and go I want to do five fucking minutes And then you do a five Then somebody else does produces a show then you do five again, then the club manager come up here and go, hey man Have you ever thought of mc? Yeah, okay, call read on monday

And next you know really gives you to run around for about three months, which you know That's your job And then boom all of a sudden somebody falls david spade falls out and the whole team falls out So there you are you're available and your host and now she says what are you doing next week? I got a spot in ontario and boom And you're going you know thursday friday saturday And now you get into the rotation of those mc spots And you hate it it's not do it until you hate it, you know

I let me give a free glass You know it sucks But all those pauses and all those going away from comedy and going back to comedy. That's an education Oh my god That's an education that you don't get it open makes it off ryan dorfman looked me in the eye of the owners And he said this i remember this like the second day where i was like because the first time he does it He's very smart Just once you go out and do your thing and he's watching the second day. He's like all right

Your job Is to get these announcements right get these guys credits right And tell them how much this stuff is and if you're funny, that's fucking cool I don't give a fuck And I was like, okay I just remember laughing because I was like cool. I like him that and I get what this this gig is Like all I have to do is these things and the rest he doesn't care what i'm doing But other people heard that as like what the fuck is this i'm a comedian. I was like no no no that's cool

He just told me what I had to do And the rest he said he didn't give a shit And I think he recognized that like he looking back like he was giving people tests That I always saw other friends of mine just failed miserably And be like, oh, he's Giving you this leeway to see what you're gonna do And you failed that's why it's not I just like I was thankful now

That I had someone like that early on because like other friends of mine were just They didn't know what they were getting into because it was like a endurance test is like fucking special forces shit where it's like not what you're doing the task It's see if you can mentally get through this horseshit because that's all this whole business is this mental horseshit Giving you these and the people that he may quit or whatever didn't even realize he's making them quit He gave them gifts too. He's like you're gonna waste your time doing this. This is So I just think those things are really like that's why I

I couldn't just be someone in the middle of the country. You know what I mean When you how long did you stay in Seattle for? Three years too long. How was that how was that comedy scene? It's at the time that really sparked you. It was great. It was that comedy scene What you were talking about earlier where you're like, we just knew the road. That's all we knew That's all I knew at the time by the time I got up there. That's all I knew So when I got there I saw these guys like because there was a pipeline to the la that I didn't knew existed right

That's the pipeline to LA and I was like, oh, these guys are like jumping down in this way. I didn't know you could do Uh But also recognized When I got up there, there were different rooms. That was the thing the road did Give me that gift where I'm like, oh, these are just there's a ton of different rooms Where a lot of guys up there would stay in their room Or their type of room and I was like, no, there's a dump. There's you can do your act in different rooms Guys, it's great. There's a bunch of like a casinos up here. There's rock rooms down here. There's college gigs

There's corporate gigs great clubs in the city. You know what I mean? You were there with giggles giggles was It came and went which I think is like Right the Mormon guy that owned it and then he gave it up. Yeah Yeah, he gave it up. He gave it up and then the underground and they burned down with some shit The old underground I was there for the very first like the first year I was there the underground existed where it was Where you were there, right and then they had to retrofit that building So they moved it over to that heroin square the partner

That's where it is now. Yeah Now it's just people go pick up smack, but it's not even I'm not speaking out of place It's like you drop by there. Yeah, very much weather. We were to sit out and smoke cigarettes There used to be a bar down the block from the underground if you Walked out of the underground you walked on that block and there's like that little strip mall Right there was josh wolf's bar. It was a mexican bar called lobo loco. That's yeah, I know what you're talking about Yeah, but it's like build up but that if you walked outside the economy underground and you looked to the corner That was a club owned by heart

The band yes, okay from seattle. Okay, and they rehearsed there and some nights you'd walk out in here You know crazy for you You're like, what the fuck and years later. I was listening to a radio thing and that's why chris cornell was tight with heart No, shit. Yeah, they were all from that fucking little harrier there. Okay, how crazy I mean, it makes sense too that they were all on drugs, you know, I think I think the economy store But the place where I cut my teeth

Was the economy underground. I mean I learned a lot about life there too. Oh my god that I cut my teeth there You know and I was telling lee that there's these people that open up these Open mic places in LA and they charge you five bucks. You go and they do five minutes to do five minutes Yeah, that's run by a guy that has no no tough way to make money That's a run by a guy that had no knowledge of comedy No knowledge of basically anything. He just he's a businessman And I immediately thought of car woman hoping car woman hoping was the manager on monday night for the open mic. Do you remember what?

I know carl. Yeah, he's still kick and call you'd walk off the stage And he'd be on the phone like yes show started eight Yeah, let's be here 15 minutes before showtime. Please bring valid ID And he'd look at you and go like this with his finger And then he'd hang up the phone and go come here Put this here Put this here Get rid of that. That's terrible. You like but might get rid of it

Like he was honest with you and right And to the tea to the tea to the tea if everybody had that coming up from that Five to seven year mark again. Your ego has to be right to accept that. Yes a lot of people go fuck you That's my favorite joke. What did you do with your life? There's people like phil Jackson phil Jackson was the worst basketball player I've ever seen in my life But he won six championships. There's certain people like mitsi sure Certain people there's certain people that can come up to you and go this get rid of it

This put it here this put it here make this your opener you want and you're sitting there going Fuck yeah, why are you opening up with this? They're noticing this already What they're gonna notice you don't need to open would put this in third and then talk about it He just gave you the equation and you let and he didn't have no paper No emotion either. No emotion was that he was just dropping on you and you'd walk up the stairs and while you were walking up you're like Fuck But then you knew you were coming back on tuesday Yeah, so

Now you went up there did it and he goes ah Okay, now at the end of this add this tag right there And you go I remember I used to have a joke that If like, you know, this is four-year comedy jokes That went to you you went to my grandmother's house. There was a picture of Kennedy with an x through it And that my grandma only knows three words in English. Fuck the guy. No, it started out with something else And he grabbed me one night. He goes hey I want you to say fuck the Kennedy's on that joke or something

He goes next time you go up on stage I want you to say I forget what the joke was. Yeah, say this eliminate this But say fuck the Kennedy's dog It was killing that joke killed. I got that like And he just I gotta get rid of it because like a year old But he just put I had another joke about a tampon The string, you know when you see a girl with a string And I used to say you don't know whether to pull it or light it and then I had another joke that he gave me that was

about age ribbons That people walk around with AIDS. You ever see somebody who got vd walk around with a fucking pen That's pretty yeah, just it was just he would always take you He taught me to take a joke from here to here. It's a joke But he also was really he and I got along because we hated overusing words right he taught me the Efficiency of words. Yes. He and I were always cutting words. Yeah, I was like he was like he said that He'd say to me well at the back what's with the sales pitch

It's that's it. Get rid of it. Get rid of that minute set up You're not doing that with that minute more funny and then I discovered that because I was trying to be a joke Yeah, and then one night I went to someone tells you how much the monologue writer on the tonight show makes me I can do that. I used to date that girl. That was crazy. I still love her. We still talk from time to time She was crazy. She was just a stripper I adore her dearly to like her. She got me to like well There is those tight. We need those type of women when you're doing that type of at that level It's the part of the journey. Yes, it is because they're teaching you about what's gonna happen too. Yes

It's the journey that this is what I tell people about the journey the journey is Everything includes women Houses people's houses that you sleep at just a couple things popped in my head have popped in my head a long time You said that oh, yeah, and they're special they're called angels Yes, if you look them up on facebook, you'll not find them If you look them up on google, you'll not find them. They're they're missing. They're angels That's a good point. Yeah, that would add to help you get from point a To point b because

You were putting so much effort into your comedy. This is how the universe took care of you Yeah by putting that person that situation that car ride that couch Oh, yeah that what do you mean you're leaving monday? I got a room that plays 300 on tuesday night that light court battle So you understand how that that's gonna work later where you're like, oh, you need to pay someone because this could be it Just those yes all those things Oh, it's uh It's a very special Carl is one of the people we still talk to like josh wolf

Yeah Like I still talk to call through josh wolf when he goes up there now they go to lunch and stuff But I thank him like that's what I would want to open Once I retire and shit like that. I would love to open up a coffee shop With comics and comedy and I sat in the back And I just told you one time Like that that's what I loved about car Well, that's all you need car just no no no

Car used to tell me this fucking bum like car was the king of that like this guy bombs everything because he won't listen to Okay, don't listen to me. You'll meanwhile Because at the comedy underground you got to start number one Yes, and then you move up the list the funny you get and he goes He was number three when you got here now you're number nine on the list and he's still number two He don't want to listen to me The only way I would do it is if you listen to me to the tea if not Take your fucking stupid ass somewhere else because I don't need you because you're not wasting you know

You're wasting my time and most importantly you're wasting your own time Yeah, because you're not even at an ego part yet. Well, you can accept what the fuck we're telling you too stupid So I don't want those people We couldn't tell you how to fix it because you don't even know what you're doing. Yes. Yes. So it's kind of weird how me josh Even brody. He was kind of coaching Yeah, he was coaching brody to be crazy here Like joe, bro, you gotta be big. I remember him telling brody that one like that

You gotta be bigger with that joke the joke is not gonna work unless it's bigger. Well, if he does it quiet Right, that's what it was. He was worried about right. He was not funny. I mean, you're always gonna be a little worried about him But like if he's doing it quiet, you're like, uh, it's not it's like have you seen joker? No I'll never see it again, but it's great It's it's a it's going to describe it. It's great I Was uncomfortable most of the movie and it's great. That's why it's great. It's great uncomfortable that mother now Now homeboy needs I hope he's got a team of therapists

Because you can't go to somewhere he saw he went without bad stuff happening to you when you were In your life the way he went to someplace as we were just like, oh, it's bad. It's as an artist. It's like it's just like We know there's some people that Listen when you watch Modern family. Yeah, or any other show on television. You're watching scrubs Yeah, Jennifer Aniston was said the best actors in this town And see the little theater that there is in this fucking town, which kind of blows to him Disrespecting anybody but

When you go to these acting classes and shit like when I went down like I always play myself Oh, yeah, I'm not an actor. I'm playing myself. I got the soprano movie. I can act sad when I'm yeah Yeah, I'm playing myself. Yeah, I can never be the penguin No, I can never be you know what I am like. Yes. That's yes But there's people out there that that's the gift of acting. I realize The guy that played the brother in the fighter Yeah, it's always a crack and he's tops in my book Uh

The black guy from laurence. Whatever his name is laurence fish bird Yeah tops tops go watch him and what's ghost dog two movies? Lawrence, what's his name? Um the guy have you ever seen ghost dog? Oh god, you've never seen ghost dog that who was in it? Um Oh And what if I say what how I know it's force widower jim darmouche he's like a samurai and Hit by queens or something like that. Well, yeah, yeah, he's another good actor. There's there's really actors out there. You gotta watch ghost dog

There's you know, I watch it. There's real actors out there. Then there's these guys that just They just they just think they're actors. Yes, they'll talk to you about all this Stanislavski shit But they're not acting I could talk all this Stanislavski shit you want all fucking day Doesn't make me a fucking actor. No, I know when you're around an actor A real actor and they see y'all cut and your whole body goes What the fuck was that that's a real actor and when you're shooting 10 feet from him Like they made you step out from the scene. Okay, you're not in the scene Just one minute. You're not in the scene the camera's not gonna cover you so step out

And you see the guy do it and you're like holy fuck That's acting that happens very rarely with me when you're just like next to somebody and you're like, oh, whoa There's not many people like that is what you're saying No, there's not many people Brad Pitt in the baseball movie Is brilliant. Yeah, he's fucking brilliant. I went to see Whatever that fucking malicious Maleficent with my daughter and my wife last week where she's buying herself

Angelina Jolie, yeah, which is a witch. Yeah, yeah pretty much, but you have to remember that while I was watching her I'm like No, I know I should get to 20 million Oh god, yeah, okay when I watch fucko and uh, Scientology captain Scientology tom cruise tom cruise without a doubt He's worth everything. I love him with all my heart. First of all, I love Tom cruise with all my eyes. Yes. Do not even think about it. Watch collateral. Watch vanilla sky vanilla What is it for another sky vanilla sky? It's awesome. I love laterals one of my favorite made collateral And the jab bar He shoots and he gets into a military position to start shooting and he shoots the guy in the heart

I love him and all that. There's just certain people that you watching the topic thunder when he comes in You don't like that's one movie. I don't like you don't like that. Maybe no turn it off You don't like some of the tropes are pretty funny Like mcconaughey's People that there's some movies that just disrespect my What did you not like about now? I'm fast first 10 minutes You want me to take another movie that you'll never hear me talk about? Yeah, everybody else like one with the dude

Oh, Lebowski, you know what I could I'm I'm indifferent about that maybe I'm very indifferent 10 minutes I had to turn it off. I just didn't buy there's a lot of stuff. I don't buy. I don't know why I don't buy I watched it, but I was like, but then I like the star is born with Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga. I'm one of those assholes I might not I might not like something for the weirdest reason There's just something about it if the movie is too popular And 10 people who I think your assholes come up to me and tell me how good the movie is I won't go watch the movie out of spite. I'll do that with music

And then years later, but just out of I seen When I was a kid and tickets were seven dollars I used to I had to send something to a Person they wanted video on me And I had to figure out what to send them. I didn't have a reel with me. I didn't know where the fuck it was Yeah, it couldn't tap into the the thing. So I said send them one of Rory's things And I forgot which one I sent them. Fuck Well, the amazing racist things. No, no, no. Okay. That's not happening. Oh, oh, okay. This is not happening

Okay, that's like earlier. I was like, holy shit. That's a gamble Uh, the movies you don't go see. Yeah, the the movies I don't go see like when I was a kid Like there was too much I bus out of that When I was like 78 when it was Samurai and I fever and all that Papa didn't watch There's too many goofy kids that didn't like watch them when I saw and I saw mr. Bell I'm supposed to laugh that wasn't it's so funny last two weeks or something

You know so for some reason sound like because I'm 8 30 at night now And I put it on for like five minutes. I'm like, this is just God-awful, but this has been America's comedy. Yeah for 20 something years. They gauge comedy From this 45 years, you know 45. Yeah, whatever the fuck it is and for me. It's never done nothing Like a lot of things like the other I watched train planes and all the mobiles was on the last 20 minutes I almost canceled my spot at the store. Yeah, like when that movie's on it's an acting class for me There's so many things that I enjoy That like I never went to see Avatar. Do you want me to tell you the reasoning? Yeah

For 300 million dollars. I get a midget to shoot a fucking movie that's retarded and blind If I give somebody 300 million dollars, it's like me giving the Yankees 300 million dollars and telling them to go out and get pitching They're gonna be the best team in baseball 20 years ago when I was a kid people always go to Yankees about paying off A world series when you watch a team like the nationals and you see a mixture of old guys With a mixture new guys. They put something special together. Yes, so I could either, you know, or watch the A's play every year Right. Yeah, when you tell me, you know, oh, well james cavern's a genius. He made this tremendous movie. He also had 600 million dollars Okay, so what the fuck are you talking about and the story is very simple

How can you fuck it up? I'll see your so because of that. I won't go watch a movie I have different things for different You know the let the question everybody's mind the last week and our answer is all right now is chewie When are you going to the weed cafe? Listen to me and listen to me good If there's 10 big black guys with 10 big dicks And me having to go into that weed cafe in hollywood I'll stand on the line and take the 10 big black dicks

I've been smoking dope since I was 12 I don't need to go to the room and so for all you church people who have heard about this Cafe and are interested in it. Please stop listening Because if I catch you in there, you're getting me a stripe taken from you have to pay a cover We're the church. We don't go we don't go to places to make believe we get high We get high we get high to get high You don't have to go to a cafe in LA and sit around with other people. Oh my god. This is so cool I wouldn't the kid who told me today

The guy who told me today came up to me at 9 15 when I was hitting the bag I kicked boxing today. I went to kick box and I was kicking the bag and he's like, hey, man Have you been there and when I looked at him and gave him my answer. He's like You should have seen his face like I'm thinking to call him and apologize I didn't mean because I de-winded Everything he had because he's older. He should know better if a 20 year old comes up to me and go Have you been to the weed cafe in hollywood? I get it. You're a fucking moron

But if a 50 year old kid comes up to me and says have you been to the weed cafe In hollywood, I'll go a Get it together. That's what I told him. He used to just seem to look and I feel terrible. I have to call him today I gotta get a number from a girl in kickboxing and call him and apologize. I don't go to those things I'm fucking I've been smoking those since I was 12. Well, I don't what do I need to do a weed cafe to prove to you There was a cool. There was a dab lounge For a while in this studio. See you're somewhere around there that they did shows in It was cool because you go in this head shop and then there was like a uh

Like a bookshelf And you pull the bookshelf open and then there's a back hallway and there was like a club It was like a lot of like the early I think like money people In dabs would go back there and then they'd throw you dabs and stuff It was like six months. I would still do comedy up here. No that place closed Yeah, and there was a dispensary on violent that had caught me for a while But it uh, I think I think was before the recreational stuff and they kept it open as long as they could but

That place is gone. Yeah, I know you're doing really well. I know you signed one of my agents Yeah, I like that. I know you're with a dear friend of mine. That's a manager. He's the best. What do you got going on? What have you been? I uh, well, I'm I've been doing stuff With the squidbillies that show on adult swim I gotta do a bunch of voices on that now and then which is just making fun of people I went to high school with or grew up around mostly grew up around more than I went to high school with and then uh Didn't stand up a lot. That's my bread and butter. I like stand up so much. You're true a lot

I try to but you know, I got two kids now. So it's that thing of like one of the ages 10 I have a 10 year old and then a nine month old Uh, it's they're two boys. They both look just like me. It's great Uh And I don't I mean I joke about the headache of it, but I love every second of it and I think that that's And then I like you said like If I was younger in my career, it would be a problem But I've I'm just established enough. I can make enough money if I want to

And then do it the way I want to and my wife does well enough that we're okay financially so it's just I I don't I like to be gone, but I like to be at home, which is a new thing. You know what I mean You know, it's weird how Led Zeppelin went out for a year Whole year they left all guns and roses all you know, all the big bands in the 70s you get put out there for a year and a half And that's great. Yeah, you know, that's great. I I'm sure you put away a lot of money Once you have the children, you know, I feel that it's either pay me now or pay me later situation If you don't give them the attention now

Someday when they're 16, it's gonna fucking start to haunt you because you wouldn't have an air when you never fall in five Yeah, you know, uh, I've said it before I've adjusted my schedule for the house I work six days a month Yeah, if I can't keep me in pork chops, you know, I don't know what else will well, that's it's just doing I'm around the house. I do a podcast with my daughter on tuesdays tonight. I'm in with a You know, no tonight. I'm flying to new jersey You know, I try to spend the sunday is the lord's day in my house. It's You gotta eat dinner at six. I take it right back to the beginning. There's no restaurant

Yeah family Home that's it when we fuck that's chick fil a style Papa don't want to work on sunday night You lately I've been going to the store on sunday nights and I feel guilty But it's such a great night to go down there because there's nobody down there That's the best night you walk through the fucking halls like there's nobody there There's no it's so sad you even look for a friend. You can't find the ghost

Even the ghosts down there take off on sunday. You know what I'm saying? So that's the best day to get that's my favorite day in a club sunday When you're traveling on the road, I mean, I don't do them many because like it that's a You know, I want to get back. I try to take the earliest fall back to get back to my son He's 10, you know, like that's a day off from school. It's like no first flight. You're the fuck out of there Oh without a doubt, but like I think back on like those are the best days The sunday nights at a club when it's like, you know 40 people and you're fucking you're not doing your act You're doing a version of your act. Well by sunday nights in the old days. Yeah, that's what I'm talking

You don't want to do another joke after saturdays. No, especially if you had three shows by the third show you're confused You don't even know what joke you're told if you told it before If you didn't say people don't know what I'm talking about when I bring that up. Oh, you ever done three shows? What are you talking about? Like, oh, you don't even know horrible when you got said that in that act And it's three fucking shows and you get your opening for rogan or pablo or fucking gabriel And by the third show you have no idea. You're up there going Did I say this already? And then you're fucking sometimes you do dog. I haven't a couple times in Miami people like you said that already

I'm like, that's the worst place that can happen to Oh shit And then you sunday you wake up you're tired Your girlfriend's on the phone. I wish you were here. We're all gonna go to the beach and you're like Grace Give me four people. I'm a fuckhole fuckhole in a hotel. Oh, by the way That great sandwich place across from the hotel is now closed on sunday

So now everything changes. You've been used and now you're tired You've been there all week And now you instead of walking one block up the corner You got to walk four for something you don't want to eat because it's the only thing that's fucking open And then you're back in your room. It's one in the afternoon and it shows not those seven That's the worst and there's no football. There's golf You know, that's why sunday was like eight hours seven Yeah, 2000 2001. I was already like Joe rug and we can't work sunday. What are you talking about?

It's painful. I'm not doing it. It just doesn't seem right Little by little I went away with him one day. Go Joe. I'm not doing it. You have to I'm not doing coming home sunday Let Ari stay with you And we had tons of disagreements and today nobody works sundays on my book and if you do god bless you I don't have nothing against you. I just when you listen, but again, I decided this In 2001, I was also doing comedy ten years. Yeah And for two years, I'd follow a line dancing class on sundays at fucking eight o'clock in Denver I had earned my or you walk in at four to get chicken strips because that's all you can eat and then the club is packed

And you're like, what the fuck is the club packed in there? Oh, there's three guys from general hospital talking Like what do they do and like they just talk like and it's sold out. Yeah It was just women's that was the first thing where I was like, I don't Feel like we've made it. I made a mistake here. There was a lot of memory in those days They used to it was that fucking idiot widget. Whatever his fucking name is hatchet scratch it screech screech. Yes screech screech and eight or nine soap opera guys. Yes that were on the fucking college tour That would either

But everyone had terrible stories about screech. He would come like and then we're like, oh, he can't work here anymore You're like, damn, that's so fast. Did he stab a guy? He said yeah, you're in Wisconsin It's uh It's interesting. Are you the first guy I've ever heard say that sunday was a fun day for you Like this the show is fun. Okay, because it didn't matter Then it was like and then you got to do more time You weren't like worried about not getting hired again

Right. Okay. That's what I meant like from a stand-up perspective if that makes sense Like he's right about every other part of it But that as a stand-up you were just like this is fun. I'm gonna try some stuff that I knew I couldn't do all week And then there's like four servers. I've got to know kind of good that are here and where you've been drinking So this is kind of fun It was like the it was loose when it wasn't your show that last sunday. Oh my god. It was tremendous when you had to get through that day Right. Yeah, that day was a fucking and that's what I decided I decided like 2001 2002 in Dallas

It hit me I was like sundays and i'm a i've worked enough sundays people get fucked up Addison then I started tickering around with it And once the longest yard came out I had enough clout to go Papa don't work And that was it. I don't think a lot of clubs do sundays at all and if they do They don't they don't they really fucks They're gonna work a sunday for no fucking reason to give away 40 tickets. That's what I don't understand your fucking staff

Cut the fucking sunday cut it like if it's somebody drawing. Yeah, and especially in cities like that makes no sense Denver, Kansas City Miami where it's football You can't during those 17 weeks closed on sunday You can't because all I'm gonna get is the reap of the bottom the bottom of the barrel Boston so You want to do a show sunday night after red socks i'm in the playoffs

And the new england patriots are home. Do you know what you're gonna get you're gonna get the dregs Of the fucking of the sewers of boston to come to your fucking show go home Go the fuck home. It doesn't make any I did a show on halloween one time again. Fuck. You know who's it was in uh slates club in bowmont Okay, and I remember being like dude. He's like I thought more people would show up and I was like people never come This is the dumbest thing in the world. I just I didn't think we'd do a show when I agreed to this Halloween is next thursday. You won't see me. I'm gonna go on tuesday, I think And maybe saturday next week

Wednesday and thursday next week Are dead It's devils night thursday night. Yeah, and it's all saints day on fucking friday saturday All souls day and then all saints day on the second Yeah, saturday will be fun. Yeah saturday will be fun. But most halloween parties Are this weekend Oh this weekend. See I don't I've never been a dress up. Me neither. I'm gonna dress up again I'd rather get fucked by the ten black dudes than if I want to be someone else. I'll just be someone else for the day

I stopped dressing up. I think I stopped dressing. I think after like nine I just put a towel on Yeah, you're just like this is a candy thing. Yeah, this I see what this is when I was 19 I dressed up like an abortion But I had a quailu passed out and I fucking never got to the thing and that was it. I never dressed up again I don't like none of that shit. You don't like quailudes. I love quailudes Do you think there's some still around someone's bringing this up the other day? Um, I'm sure I'm sure that Listen, but I know I know a couple. I know a chemist that said Whatever gender they are. I'm not gonna repeat it. Yes told me once that they can make cocaine if they want it

There's just the chemical properties. Yeah So if you went back and looked to see what was in a quailude I'm sure somebody's making some concoction some very fun chemist. Yeah, and if you want me to tell you the truth The truth is that The first time I did a hit of ecstasy I thought it was somebody who was working on a quailude who made a mistake Oh, really? Do you know what I am? Like it was cousins to the quailude in a way. Ah There was a euphoric euphoric and soft and

You know, don't drink too much on it because it might take you to a different level So you don't want to drink on it either, right? I don't know. I don't I wasn't a big ecstasy guy I think I did ecstasy maybe three times. I did the MDMA shit that you drink That fucked me up. Really? See, I'm never I missed a lot of those that froze me up That was at the store one night pill I never fucked with pills and I think that I skipped a lot of those I fucked with pills when I first became an open micro. I like because I had sleep problem Ah

Now instead I use the animals See I was weed I was tall weed was so bad growing up and then when I tried it it like helped so much stuff Yeah, that was like does help. Oh, this is great So it helps so much stuff for me. We keep my powder dry Yeah, that's a weed does for me. It keeps my powder drop before I stab a motherfucker. I smoke a joint And I you know, it's something you ever call a girl for one in the morning Now you're more you better at the club it too when she throws gonna suck your dick

You keep calling She's like, well, I'm gonna come home But I remember my friend Lucy with me because I don't want nothing to happen You're like, hold on. Let me call you back And then your bang went out real good. No, since she calls back she goes, okay. I'm around the corner. You're like, go fuck yourself Yes, you know what you just eliminated a thousand dilemmas By me banging went out not worrying about you and your friend and now your friend's to chubby And she don't want to stay because she don't like you know, you don't have hummus

Whatever. Yeah, you have to keep her busy. Yeah, that's it. That's it. Once they call you and they got to bring a friend What are the chances you breaking me away from your fucking friend zero unless you leave her a cheeseburger And you go in and say come here for a second. I want to show you my dick So it's like it's it's those type of situations too big of a gamble. Yeah, right too big of a fucking gamble You're like, you know what I don't want to do this shit no more That's like when they gave john mayer a shit because in Rowland sona a couple years ago. He was like, yeah, sometimes I go jerk off in the bathroom at like public places He's like it saves me a lot of trouble and they gave him shit for that. I was like, that's the smartest thing I've ever heard

Like that's You should tell young boys that like when they're going into college be like, hey just go into that stall And jerk off and treat it like you're taking a shit or something and then come out and then see if you still want to do that Like how much that would save Especially with phones and allergies. Yeah. Yeah. Oh god. Yeah. Yeah, that's how mostly I watch porn is on my phone Because I have kids and it's in my fucking room. I've never watched porn on my phone. Really? That's not I watch a I don't come on it. I just wanted to send me a picture or something. I'm all in Billy Wayne, it was a pleasure to fucking see. Yes. It is a pleasure. We both came from the same mentor. Yeah, we did

God rest his soul wherever he is and uh I don't even know you lived in town I'm I had no fucking idea. I don't I need to get into the store more But do you perform anywhere locally? Yeah, I do the improv I do I do uh that uh The dining seat type out. Oh, that's great. It is a great little room. Yes, uh, there's no parking. That's the nightmare Where's your website at a bwd tour calm if you just google Billy Wayne Davis all that shit comes up

That's the easiest way. I've got instagram twitter all that but all my dates are in bwd tour.com. I'm going to seattle Next week the parlor No, that closed they closed the clothes Um, uh, my friend rick taylor opened a little room on capitol hill called club comedy It's great. It's an exo-tie restaurant. It's fantastic So be it there. It was fucking great to see. It's so good to see you man. Look at that. You I'm seeing all the memories And last we had all those I passed the and I wanted to bring this up because Ralphie when I really met you like we had met like what we're talking about in Florida, but

After I was getting my divorce and it was like very clear this was happening Ralphie's like I gotta take you somewhere. I was in LA and we went to this all-you-can-eat sushi place on ventura and you just lay down Science is the only way I could describe it of like some of the stuff didn't happen But some of it happened in a way that I was like I remember when it's happening made me laugh instead of like You know being like all this sucks and it's sad. It was just like, oh, yeah

Coco said this was gonna happen during your divorce. Yeah Just that stuff like you gave me this thing like it was entertaining And I remember when you were telling me some of it. I was like, no, you know what I mean? Like a dummy where you're just like you don't understand And I it's I've actually used that the way I describe it Is when you're getting a divorce, you're gonna start having emotions. You didn't know existed About things that will just blow your mind So you just like you have to be aware that's happened. That's gonna happen

And you were just you gave me these little like beats about some things and about the human condition and about human nature That when you're in your 20s, you don't want to accept That's why you keep making some of those mistakes. Do you know what I mean? And you just It made me like I was like, oh, I don't I've been there. I well that was it too. Like there's just like there's like You're like there's smells you're gonna have and I was like, oh, I told you Something that cut me through the soul I tell everybody that anything that cuts me. Yeah, I pass it to people because I'm tough

And if it cut me it's gonna fuck you up. Yeah, when I tell you some if it fucking cut me It's gonna fuck you up, you know, like And if it cut me at the age and the amount that it did after what I've gone through And if you haven't gone through anything before that, this is gonna fuck you up psychologically At a point where you might become the Joker. Yeah, because I was very close. I don't know what the Joker's about I don't care. I'm gonna see it eventually. I know it's something to do with killing and I was Six months from becoming the Joker And I've been in 10 different situations and there's only one situation that took me to that place

Divorce. Yeah, it's divorce will take you to that place when somebody's going through a divorce I read something years ago the statistics of men hanging themselves and women and This is something that's harder than a death of a family member at some times And I tell people the number one rule when I see a guy come over to me and he's married and he's talking to a girl and he's got I go before you go fuck that chick. I want you to remember one thing The smell of your kids with some other man's cologne on when you bend over the smell Is gonna break you like you've never been broken before I could stand you up and kick you in the nuts 10 times

And then take bend over and kiss your daughter and when you smell that fucking baklava Yeah That whatever the fuck they have on and you straighten back up your whole life changes Like you're like I blew it this bad that somebody else is being apparent to my child Well, mine was different, but it prepared me for that. It has to because and also it's that just that Illuminating when I don't think human beings talk about it. It's like that sense of smell how nostalgic it is Just like where it takes you instantly and how people know about that and

they Manipulate that all the time Like I was up in Eugene this past weekend Best way in the world my friend Mike grows the weed up there He was telling me the terpenes, you know, that's all they talk about is the smell and the smell He was mentioning it to his mom. He was talking about she worked at Campbell soup. She was like, oh, we know all about terpenes That's when we're making the v8 thing. We just Say we put fake terpenes in it. So it tastes more

Like the fruit, but we use cheaper fruit and that was Just crack this shit cracks me up. This is like, oh, so we know like that's that they're manipulating That all the time too So we're fucked might as well enjoy it Enjoy it. You bad motherfuckers. Do not forget November 7th at the motor city casino. I think there's like four tickets left and I got the Omaha funny bone The uh Colleen tell her that's my girl the eighth and ninth I'm at uh all uh funny bone in columbus and then

Omaha and then november 28 and 29th The improv in miami the night after thanksgiving like i'm not gonna fry two shows friday Two saturday and saturday late's already sold out Don't come crying with that cuban shit that you didn't get tickets because the wealth bed check didn't get there Get your tickets now before we call this a fucking day A few little word from our sponsors number one. It's over motherfuckers Fucking money season is here. Forget about football season. It's my bookie dot ag

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That's four hymns.com slash joey. I want to thank four hymns. I want to thank manscape. I want to thank my bookie I want to thank you mother fuckers for always being family. I want to thank billy wane I want to thank the christ killer for putting this whole thing together And I'll see you mother fuckers next thursday in detroit And next friday and saturday and oh my i'm not we'll see you tuesday morning tip top magoo Ready to fucking go. I love you guys. Thank you billy wane. There's a bad mother fucking youtube christ killer Have a great weekend. Stay black. Bye That's it

Thank you All the nights on the street around You're gonna hear an active music solid ball of sound Say can you not have a stink now? Yeah But it's a sub-babe out Bandy and the Jets Oh the wind, oh wonderful Oh band, she's a red cane

She's got electric boots I'm gonna have soup You know I'd rather have a magazine Oh Bandy and the Jets Hey kids, look into the faithless, maybe they're blinded But then it makes them admit it We shall survive, let us take ourselves along

Verify the very sound of the streets, to the sound of the streets We'll be there for you We'll be there for you We'll be there for you We'll be there for you We'll be there for you Oh Bandy and the Jets

Oh, the wind, wonderful Oh band, she's a red cane She's got electric boots I'm gonna have soup You know I'd rather have a magazine Oh Band, she's a red cane I'm gonna have to go around, pack a snake

Oh, baby I'm the Jack Oh, baby, she's a renegade She's got electric boots I bought her shoes And now I ran them back to say no Oh, baby, I'm a jazz Baby, baby, I'm a jazz Baby, baby, baby, baby, yeah

Baby, baby, baby, baby, yeah I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, I don't know, know那個 Yeah Baby Baby Baby Baby

Baby Baby Baby Baby Yeah