Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #733 - Joey Diaz on Two of His Most Important Friendships

Episode Date: November 4, 2019

Joey Diaz talks about Jorge Masvidal's growth as a man from his appearance on The Church to beating Nate Diaz at UFC 244. Joey also discusses two of the most important friendships he's had.  This podcast is brought to you by:   MyBookie.ag -  Use code promo Church to get a 100% match on your first deposit up to $1,000. Check out Joey's Instagram @madflavors_world on Thursday for a new video where Joey teaches you how to gamble.   ForHims- Go to ForHims.com/joey to get your complete hair kit for just $5 while supplies last.  CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies, go to www.CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off. 

greetings from podcastville it's Monday November 4th the church of what's happening now is brought to you by four hymns Joey what's for hymns a one stop shop for hair loss skincare and sexual wellness for men let me explain some to you 66% of men start to lose their hair by the age of 35 and once you notice standing here it could be too late all right I mean is that headline slowly starting to move backwards and he bald spots how's your rectal dysfunction these type of day listen this is what four hymns does they're one stop shop what you do is there's no snake oil pills no gas station counter supplements this

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valuable lesson last week you learn on Saturday night Nick Diaz whatever his name is Nate Diaz was the underdog getting 120 everybody and their mother bet Nate Diaz you never seen a bookie with a part-time job maybe you like Mazda Vaughn you held back because you didn't know you know where to put your action in listen my bookie football seasons here basketball seasons here you like winning money or you want to sit down and watch TV like a fucking mookie and onion dip like a fucking moron getting fatter by the day cut it out listen if you're gonna sit there and watch your mind will make a little money

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something there for you I'll give you a pic I'll let you fucking teach you something that you don't know my bo kie dot a G kick this motherfucking muley what starting line engines pumping and thumping in time Monday green light flashes your balls are washed the goals are written and burning they yearn for me what on an empty tank and while they call a little Monday morning for you get up to grab a lot of stuff to help you finish the flags go down the fans get up and they get out of

town right still except for one man still you're up to Joe now the Brogdon note the sun has gone down and the moon is coming up and long ago somebody left I'm getting you the fuck in and out of here today, but let's kick off with the elephant in the room. Just so you see help listen, man I use everything as a science project and you look you watch your study and you learn Three years ago. We had Georgia Mazda ball in the shore four years ago Nobody knew who the fuck the kid was, you know, he had Won a few lost a few he did a couple of exciting things But nobody knew who the fucking kid was

he Booked the trip he booked the show South America's manager sent them down there to clear his head and you heard it from his mouth that he Realized he wasn't he was leaving up to the referees, you know a couple months back We spoke about a situation called frustration When you just get frustrated with yourself and you break the barriers, you know Georgia Mazda Val knew he had now for starters. I did not bet this I did not pick a side You know, I like Nate Diaz as a fighter and I'm fan of Nate Diaz a fighter and I'm a personal friend of George's

So for me to come on the podcast and start yelling scream and I just watched it as a fan It's really weird. What's happened to me the last year ever since my Gambling days I never really watched sports because I only sports to me meant gambling But guess what over the last couple years. I'm not gonna lie nobody I watched a couple basketball series at the end I'm big at the end. I'm big in the playoffs, you know, the final four You know, the baseball World Series. I watched all seven games, which is very rare for me it's good just to become a fan again and

With MMA and then like everything else I was looking at as my past and this time I just wanted to watch in fact I watched the fight at home my wife my wife is a You know, Mazda Val came over the house. She loves Nate You know, we watched it and you know, for you people who are in a part in your life Whether it's cool or your business or whatever Listen, you always have the tools available to you. It's just putting them all together you know listen How many times I open up my Twitter and I see somebody put a spider-man picture up me

Facing doc or me running in the longest year. Well, guess what that was 2003 and 2004 I was 15 fucking years ago So if you think I just popped up in 2010 Because Rogan said I was funny or something like that. You're mistakenly wrong. This journey started in 91. I Had the pieces to become a good comic maybe in 98. I just Didn't listen and went off my own beating path But I caught myself and I stuck to the plan and even if it took 18 15 years I caught myself and I did something with it with Mazda Val. It took I mean how many fights that he had 40s

He said 40 fights already 20 and some fucking black dudes backyard That they're selling fucking booze on the fucking lot and shit like that. I mean so You get frustrated you get sick and tired of where you are in life and you do something about it He's he's the fighter of the fucking year. They said it last night It's amazing when you see this because all of us have these gifts We all have this and we'll sit back and go. Oh, I wish I did that. We all have the tools It's putting them together all in one shot The stars are lining and you really really really taking a deep look at yourself and being honest and going

Listen, you know, I'm doing this. This is good, but I'm missing the point in three different fields here I'm missing what I'm supposed to be doing I'm gonna put more emphasis on this and more emphasis on this and forget about this and write this off This just doesn't work at all in my life. It takes a big man to do that It takes a man to do that to somebody to look him with it and go this is not fucking working You don't need anybody to tell you sometimes somebody will come to you as a friend and try to tell you hey This thing ain't working and you'll get mad at him or whatever for your insecurities But you know when something's not working

Nobody has to tell you you know when something's not right inside of you So I want to congratulate George only congratulate Nate For a great fucking fight. I mean a lot of people disappointed. Hey, we weren't there We don't know what that cut like I told Rogan on the phone this morning. I don't know what that doctor saw I know years ago when I was a kid a friend of mine got caught With a bob wire. He was playing baseball or some shit He got caught with a bob wire or some and it cut the nerve in his face that moved his cheek So for years even after he got plastic surgery, he looked good

He still had dead movement in his cheek. It looked at the age of 20 like he had gotten a stroke So we don't know we weren't there. I want to congratulate George congratulate the UFC on being fucking creative And finally, you know making a car I mean it was just a great idea all around and everybody enjoyed themselves. It wasn't the ending we expected But again, you've never seen a bookie with a part-time job Nate Diaz was the underdog And if you saw people like I told my wife look listen to the garden. They're all yelling Diaz Diaz Diaz Everybody name other bad Diaz. So it's just the way life works out. I hope they do it back and they run it back

But listen man, whatever point in your life. You're on you may be a little frustrated. Get that notebook out I've said it once I'll tell you 20 fucking times. This shit doesn't happen overnight. I wish it did I wish that you just did something a few times and you got good at it It takes time and even when you should get there you got to figure out what the fuck you're gonna do with it That's what people never really understand Everybody wants to get to that place But then they get to that place and they really don't know what to do and I'm guilty of this too. We would none of us Know what to do when we get kicked in the stomach 15 times and you figure it out

Mars DeVal figured it out and This is a lesson for this is not about gambling or this is not about who's tough or who hit harder You know who's making a comeback. This is nothing. I'm trying to Read between the lines here and show you guys. I wish that you read between the lines on this fight Even his preparation for Diaz everything whether Diaz got hurt or he could run the last four weeks Mars DeVal was precision his kicks were positioned And it's something that You look at and you whatever you're doing your life. You're like one is my life

You know one of the pieces gonna fall together Well, I'm sorry to tell you something the pieces never fall together. When was the last time you bought a puzzle that was built You ever bought a puzzle that was built. No, so why would you think the piece gonna fall together? You have to put the pieces together. I guarantee you That once you put the pieces together of your life It's a different feeling look at my he's a different man It's a different man when you look at look at the old him What happened that he do drugs that he do steroids that he know he looked with himself

And he found the answer to all his fucking dilemmas and he applied himself And that's what we talk about here on the church doesn't happen overnight, man The stars have to be aligned. Yes, I agree with you there. You got me on that argument, but You have to be prepared for the stars to be aligned And you have to look at that fight like that that that's a big lesson For all of us that have been frustrated that there you go. He was frustrated. He was a 50-50 fighter He didn't know what was gonna happen when he got into a fight all he knew was that he was tough and He knew what to handle himself, but that's not enough sometimes

That's not enough. This is where your mind comes in and you tap into your mind and your mind will set the game plan for you You know Lee has always said you're very calculating every move has to be calculated or if not, you're gonna get if you watch Derek Lewis's fight The first kick he threw he didn't have to throw it and what happened. He almost got his fucking leg twisted Don't throw half with that lesson is don't throw 50% If you're not gonna go 100% don't throw it Don't throw it that there you go another lesson Derek Lewis when he threw his foot up Like a big piece of stake them and the guy grabbed it and tried to voke off whatever his fucking name Dracula's cousin

Tried to fucking twist his ankle and all that shit. That's that's what happens when you go into something half cocked So you learn two things watching that fight last night. So I hope that you fucking enjoyed it And I hope that it all worked out for you. I'm saying. Oh This is on the same similar note. What do you think? I just don't know. I don't know how you feel about him But what did you think about Kevin Lee? Switching to a great head coach and I don't know Making a change Okay, I don't know. I didn't even think about fucking Kevin Lee

I wasn't even thinking about Kevin Lee to be honest here that poor kid. He fought. He's still in jupy that poor kid There's nothing to talk about. Okay. Yeah, there's no lesson there and he sweats big fucking deal He lost last three fights. It's time. He did something, you know, I give him kudos for switching, but you know, okay? He's that poor fucking kid. They had to carry him out. His fucking head was a little man bun What a fucking shame to wear a man bun and get knocked out Unbelievable what a fucking night for that poor kid that poor bastard now on a similar note I want to tell you guys about a story that Didn't bother me at all not whatsoever, but it's just really weird how life changes

The week before that I went to Jersey I got a call from a dear dear friend of mine 40 year friend And he called me with a big big problem. He had a bad situation going on in his life And he needed a big fare from me and I told him I'd look into it and I hung up the phone I made a few phone calls from and Jersey guy Jersey guy grew up with I love him with all my heart, you know and that night at dinner, I ran it past my wife and She couldn't believe it, but I explained to her that it was something I had to do, you know this kid had been friends with me since

maybe the summer of 78 and We got we navigated to one another and it was weird because him and I We we hung out in a group of friends, but him and I him and I him and I Gravitated to one another because of our love of psychedelic drugs and crazy shit So we were freshmen when we would go out with these guys We would smoke pot and we would tell the other six guys that we were just smoking pot But him and I were already dropping acid But he had older brothers and he didn't want his brothers to find out

He was doing acid so it was just him and I secret and this went on for a year, you know This went on for fucking years of him and I tripping at parties And he would go talk to chicks and I would go talk to guys chicks or whoever and every 15 minutes we just look at each other and smile and One one day what he was a wrestler in high school and One after one he was about to wrestle and I had some of that THC crystal that angel dust And I asked him if you want to do a line in the afternoon He was like yeah, and he goes holy shit

I got a wrestling meet at 430 and he was so high during the mess wrestling meet that he actually bit the kid And he got disqualified, you know, when we were juniors in high school, you got to pass the paperwork Forward, you know I'm saying like if you sit in the back, right you like past the task forward And I would get his test and I'd erase his answers And he would get like a fucking 70 and he'd be furious because he was fucking really smart He couldn't figure out why the fuck am I getting 70s I studied I did the notes Somebody erase and then he went to the teacher one day like somebody's erasing my answers I think it's you you're fucked and the teachers like why would I erase your answers and all this shit this went on for years

We graduated high school together. We were very tight in high school and This guy went to a prestigious college, you know and During my homeless era my whole fucked up era in 84 85 He was my only salvation He was going to college when he was selling coke in college So he made me his partner because he couldn't go to the places to get the cocaine I could because I could speak Spanish So he made me his partner and we made some great money together We ended up beating the dealer we beat like two dealers and then but he was there with me when I was homeless

He was one of those guys that was always my friend. He was one of the few people That when I was homeless and I was really upset I remember crying in his car one day Like just breaking down in the daytime in his car going when is my life going to change? You know, what is this gonna end the one that you know, it was like a fucking curse on me And he was the only uh ray of hope. I mean that listen. I had dear dear dear friends growing up and they all served their purpose for different things as their friendship, but This guy fed me this guy would bring me money to a hotel

He knew more about me than most people knew what was going on, you know when I was Sleeping in the park. He asked me 10 times To just sleep in his back in his garage He's like, you don't need to sleep at the park, you know sleep downstairs My mother won't say nothing. I would go, you know what with two good friends, you know, I don't want us to get into that situation I'll be fine And he finally gave me a blanket the one night he came to the park and brought me a blanket I mean, it was just different things and

We were always good friends and it was always a 50 50 with us, but From 84 to 85 he really covered me out of pocket a bunch of times And before I left in 85 I got a credit card and they took him shopping Trust me. I didn't pay for anything. It was a stolen credit card, but I bought him suits sneakers jewelry Cologne more jewelry a tv for his room And at that time 1985

He was so fucking slick He had two speakers in his room with a stereo And whenever you went to his house and he put the stereo on you could tell only one speaker was working The other speaker was close to the closet and when we were 21 years old one day He took me to that speaker and he took the lid off the Cover off the speaker If the speaker was 24 inches, whatever two feet

He had a foot a rubber band money And each rubber band was like $10,000 and Listen, if you know any story about me, you know, I robbed everybody I never even thought about robbing him especially the day he took that off He knew the position I was in And he knew what I could do. He had seen me in action And he showed me that and that was I could never break his trust after that

But it was weird. He went to a prestigious college. You got a degree in engineering He was a brilliant guy and today He lives In basically a shack Behind the house I think it barely has heat He has three or four teeth missing He doesn't have a job. He just has

He just does odd jobs from time to time He collects unemployment and In time to time he sells an envelope, you know, he sells a little coke to this guy or that guy That's how he makes ends meet. He uh I mean he lives That's how I thought out. It's like we it's like we switch lives It's like somewhere along the line We switch lives like

He ended up being who I was supposed to become And I ended up becoming who he was supposed to become, you know He was a smart guy. He was one of the smartest guys That I hung out with on paper He was fucking really smart like he was just engineered type smart. I said he blew the fucking scores off the roof He had scholarships off to him And he picked the school and he went he got a degree And we all grew up during that cocaine epidemic and you know, I wasn't there for a long time and when I went back in 91

He was still in the fucking game and Telling me this and that and I'm not there I'm not there. So I'm not watching He could tell me whatever the fuck he wanted to I would believe him. He's my brother And then I went back in 93 and again we hung out, you know endlessly I mean he picked me up five nights a week Just to go into the city to get weed. I mean he was all dropped me off I don't know how many times I was waiting for a bus on Kennedy Boulevard

And he'd swing by and give me a ride into the city and we got pulled over one night He didn't have a license and he lied and he told he gave him my life I mean, it's just been a friendship that never fucking ended but The last 10 years of his life of his life have been a nightmare. He lost his dad. He got the rest of the other sort of probation You know, uh, he's never been married. He's never had any children and You know, when I was in that rocket ship at night In 83 I would think about my future at night and think about me

And a little apartment, you know a little smaller in this office And I would see me with like a tv and Just a couple pair of pants and a couple t-shirts all them dirty and That's how I was gonna end up. I accepted that, you know, I accepted that in early age that If I even lived to 50 or 55 That I would just be Making it I would be on disability Or faking it somewhere or just fat or not going to work. I'd just be one of those guys like

Well, did that upset you or are you okay with it when I was at that age? Yeah, when you were thinking about this, I came to that term. I was an idiot I had no college. No high school education My chances of going to college were slimming none I couldn't stop putting this white powder in my nose And I had no family had nothing going for me I couldn't even fucking pay for breakfast How was I gonna pay for an apartment? So I just thought about my life

And I just saw myself in a rent subsidized men's home, you know with a little corner and a little hot plate and Maybe a black and white tv and at night I would read books and that accept my fate I mean, that's what happens to people when you're uneducated and you have no And you're addicted to drugs all your life. I mean, I saw that picture When I was 21 years old, I saw my future like that So when he

Called me with this mess he was in, you know I called a few friends. I reached out to a few friends, you know, uh Obviously it cost me something which I did not mind Because of all these things that happened, but I also had to call them And uh talked a little bit And explained to him that I'm his brother and I love him And I'd do anything in the world for him, but

He's 55 years old And he's got a bail out of this world with something You know, I told him you just can't Leave this world without doing something you were meant to be a fucking Engineer you got a Tremendous college degree You know the felonies fucked you up But I know you I know you since you were a kid

You've always figured a way out of this. It was a tough It was a tough talk for me to have with him Because he's one of my few friends that He's really sensitive right now like he's at a point in his life where He's by himself even like his brothers turned his their backs on him One of the brothers came to one of my shows in Atlantic City and Kind of yelled at me for still being his friend that I'm not helping him You know and I told him I can't turn my back on him either

He was there for me Had a really weird time in my life when I really needed somebody, you know, so I uh Called him up. I had a real sensitive on the light side talk with him I told him that I could help him, you know, if you got into a mess again But the favors I had a call in from on this one Were huge like I had to really get myself on my hands and knees To two of my friends to do this favor for me for him And after we had our talk

He thanked me when he when everything was taken care of he thanked me like a man like we we do We called and he explained what he did and what steps he took to take care of the situation And uh I was happy I was really content and I told my wife that it's fine, you know, he's never gonna get himself in this situation again And that uh You know, we're cool, you know And then I got the thinking about it

And I got the thinking about all the friends from Timmy to roger to fernie Glencanti, there's a lot of guys who don't talk to me anymore, but there's a lot of guys. They still have That was essence day one when there was no comedy career. So they have every reason to be my friend now They have every reason to call for free tickets. They have every reason To exploit me at every fucking level because When I wasn't even thinking about comedy they they had my back, you know So I'm sitting at the other day and I'm thinking about this situation with my buddy and

How he got himself into this mess and You know, I'm lucky that I have a friend It's a cop and I have a couple friends of the cops in jersey, but this particular one He's been a friend for a while and not that type of friend that I could help Call him for a favor and I was happy that everything bailed out But then I thought about something And I thought about why

The real reason was That I helped this kid out this time and I've helped them the last 20 times And the real real reason which I never told anybody till the other night And it hit me On that fucking day Uh Mid-october 79 I was doing everything I was doing masculine

I was smoking fucking thc crystal I was snorting thc crystal I was drinking not a lot. I was never a big drinker But I had always sworn off drugs like I'd always sworn off cocaine and heroin And pills they just were not going to be in my Drug whatever. I was very content with the marijuana and the acid I was very content at the age of 15 with marijuana and acid

I was gonna say like that's still pretty young, but I was I liked The relationship I had with my friends. I enjoyed everything about those drugs I'd grown up I'd seen a lot of heroin in new york as a kid I didn't like what it did to people Especially two friends of my mom's that I saw go fucking astray And I'd definitely seen the results of cocaine being at the bar, you know, and I didn't know the full

blast, but I didn't I knew That I didn't want to do any of those drugs, you know But again, we're gonna go. I told you guys a long time ago that There's a hundred stories. I could tell you but there's a hundred that I can't tell you Well for me to dip into this fucking book and this One man showing everything I've been writing a lot lately and I thought about something that I've never really repeated About Mid-october 79

If you know anything about where I lived in north bergham and given that terrace I had an attic then I had a second floor And then I had the first floor which had the the living room Kitchen and the dining area and then a backyard you could go out to the yard Then if you walk down the steps you hit a garage There was a garage that had additional closet space a bathroom no shower Just a pister in a in a sink and a wash and a drive

But then there was another setup stairs I've set a set of stairs that went down another level And if you opened up that door there was a refrigerator filled with beer And there was a fucking bar like a little three-seat stool bar And my mother had the bar stocked And there was a record player down there the the walls on a couple holes them From our karate days when we'd go flying through the air down there

And it was paneling it was paneled around the cinder block And then it had a paneling around the hot water Tank in the tank and there was a room in there There's a fucked up story and When you went behind into that room It was again half the size of the office and let's say the

Hot water heater was right there if you went behind the hot water heater Lee There was like a latch. I you know, I was down there playing around There was like a latch that you had to like pick up this thing and kind of turn it like a pain can You know, you pick up a pain can and it has that fucking bowl in it Well, think if you had to turn something like that and it was kind of sensitive But you had to turn it real slowly and if you turned it It would open up and a piece would come out like uh Something that just your body could fit in like a manhole

So a circular it was like circular and you had to twist it around and it was covered with a with a piece of metal Damn and if you took that up and you circle to go to the sewer You went down into the street. You could go into the street. It was fucking scary I looked in there one time and I heard noises Jesus and I closed that motherfucker up and I put the metal down And that was it. So in that corner was just the hot water heater They used to be my stepfather's tools and that's it I don't know what happened october 79

Something made me go downstairs And I'm lying to you guys. Maybe august of 79 Something made me I'm lying again. Maybe July of 79 Something made me I just had to refresh my memory something made me go downstairs And I went downstairs one time and I opened up the thing. I saw the door was a little open like an inch And I go, why is this fucking these two because it was like two panels that you open to the small room to the small room So I went down the stairs opened up the door and noticed that the two panels one of them was open And when I opened up the panels I went inside

And there was a coffee bean bag Like a bale, but it was filled with weed Oh, yeah, and I took a little top piece off the top And I went upstairs and I didn't say nothing at all, buddy At that time I was getting weed from this guy named Joe. He was my main dealer Joe I would call Joe and I would buy uh Uh An ounce 75 bucks

And sell them for like or 50 and sell it for 100 And make 50 bucks all for him and he'd give me a ride up town He was a good guy So I took this weed and I rolled it up and I smoked it with some of my friends and the weed was tremendous And the guy's name was Joe and I gave some to Joe and he's like, where'd you get that weed from that weed's better than mine So I got a whole fucking tank at home. Jesus filled with this shit. So I went back and just kept taking it and I come home one day and there's some two guys there with a chick and they remembered me and they hugged me and

shit and they talked to my mother And I hugged them and oh, we haven't seen each other in a long I forget what their names are guys that I really do It was a bigger Cuban guy a skinnier Cuban guy and the skinnier Cuban guy's wife And I had known them every time I went to Miami. There were friends of my uncle were doubtful my godfather So I would see them in Miami now. They're in my living room when I'm talking to them And uh, they telling me how they're staying up there now and you know, I didn't figure it out at the time So I go downstairs a couple days later. It's a different batch of weed They had taken the old batch

And I kept going downstairs and taking a little bit and selling it to Joe and selling it to my friends And I was just making spare money and one day my mom actually pulled me over And she goes, I talked to you in private for a second. Have you been snooping around down there? And I go, what are you talking about? She goes, have you been going down there and taking marijuana on those bells? I go, no and she goes because uh The guy called the other day and he wanted to know if I'd taken out like a half ounce I you did you take it out of there and I felt heartbroken. I did not want my mother to know I did drugs at any point So I lied to her. I said, no, she goes, I wonder what the fuck is going on

But at this time my mother had to know I had sticky fingers You know, I had caused a lot of problems at one and there was just too many suspicious fucking things, you know Things were disappearing things were moving you know, so I said, you know what out of respect for my mom, I'm not gonna touch That thing no more, but I got sick I ended up getting that that paracord paracord. I ended up going to the hospital for 28 From the way that you stole or no, I don't know. Okay. I don't know whose weed it was that I got the paracord from so

I I laid off the weeds For a few weeks. I got out of the fucking hospital. I laid off the weed. I did acid immediately I was a young kid, but I was stupid fuck September 28 79 I got out of the hospital. There's a big time fight I think we checked it before Muhammad Ali against somebody. I don't fucking know And a few weeks after that I go to I go let me go downstairs to see if there's any weed downstairs And I go downstairs I open up the little cabinet

And there's two bells So I open up the one bell and sure enough it's weed I take a little bud a couple little buds like maybe an eighth And I figure I'm gonna take an eighth from both bells. Don't never know I want to open up the other bell It wasn't weed It was coke I'd never done coke before

I knew what it did to people I didn't know exactly I knew it made people talk a lot and I knew it made people make weird faces And I knew it made people make little fucking gestures with their fucking filthy little hands So I said, what do I do? So I said, you know what? I'm gonna take a little bit And put it in a container And put it upstairs and just save it

Just see if somebody wants to buy it or whatever So that night I took a little bit from it and I put it in aluminum foil. That's what it was 79 everybody had an aluminum foil Knowing what I know now I probably took a gram And I probably took three tenths or four tenths of a gram and put it in aluminum foil And gave it to a friend of mine and said, let me know what you think he's like wow Because in those days to give somebody just for somebody to give you a joint was big To somebody give you cocaine everybody wanted cocaine those days

And here I had it in my fucking garage. Interesting how strong it was. Yes. I gave it to my brother Tell me what you think fucking the next day is like dog That shit is fucking rocking fuel You got to get me more But I knew the value of it and I didn't want to get my mother in trouble So I told him I couldn't get it no more And I took the rest of it and put it in like a jacket and it stayed there And I figured I was gonna wait for another friend of mine to tell me that he did it

And I would give him the whatever I had left, you know So come halloween day 1979 I You know the night before like the night before we already made a plan like ain't nobody's gonna school tomorrow We're playing hooky. We're gonna cut out of you in I'm like, yeah, man. Because you were trick-or-treating a lot Yeah And

Like I think I I didn't wear a costume after I was 12 10 I can't imagine. I think after you're doing acid. You can't work. I didn't wear no fucking costume I think that one that that year I went to a chicken halloween party And I think that me lubes we're just talking about this at the stress factory in new jersey Me and a villa were talking about it that me a villa and my friend lubes dressed up like ghost And we all took acid and we all just stared at each other on And we did go to a halloween party. That was probably the last time I dressed up It was that year like a ghost and I think I dressed up again when I was

Two years later in colorado like an abortion, but we ate the quail I passed out and we never made it out of the house So I woke up with a hanger around my neck and long underwear Fucking hilarious, but I want to get back to it. So the night before halloween 79 So night before halloween 79 Me and my buddies go Fuck it. We're gonna play hooky tomorrow. Okay So that morning when I woke up

I took a shower. I got dressed like all I'm gonna go meet my buddies I had some weed. I had some masculine And I go wait a second Maybe I should bring this coke And I go I'll bring the coke on me I'm not gonna do it You know But I'll give it to somebody some chick whatever

I'll give him some coke and fucking So I took the coke with me I took the bus up to the high school. We met at wizards where we used to meet a pinball place called wizards And we were on our way to Albertsons by Hudson county park to rob To rob booze from Albertsons Because Albertsons had no security So weeds is going there and each of us would take something to run out and run into Hudson county park with booze and John

That they couldn't chase us Okay, you're half a kid at a pinball place and then you're stealing liquor from me So we're at a pinball place that's next to hashways the deli in those days It was the pinball place hashways And then a liquor store on the corner And the kid joe as she owned used to hang out that liquor store all the time just friends with the owner the guy knew Like all we had to do was stand in front of the fucking liquor store. He knew we were aliens

And he knew he would smash his fucking windows. So he wasn't gonna not if we got somebody going to him. He would sell us the booze Okay, so we're walking path. We're at wizards And we we go fucking we're not gonna we can't find anybody attend to buy us booze So we go let's go to Hudson county park while we're paying for booze. Let's just rob the fucking Albertsons and run into the park And and we'll smoke these we and we bought like a half like a 25-hour bag of weed and we rolled it up the night before like 32 joints and You know, we we started 10 and we go till three in the afternoon like So we're walking up the Hudson county park and also we hear

Like breaks. Yeah, and we turn around and 50 yards and must as a beer truck Across the street from that liquor store. You have to go to Albertsons anymore Sometimes he would park in front of the liquor store for some reason He parked in front of the bank across the street from the liquor store and we looked at him It was one single guy. He's walking across the street like whistling like it's a beautiful day to be alive We fucking dash across the street and not on the side that's To him

Yeah, the back side other side. We go on the other side slide open a fucking door And we each take a case or something Heineken, Michelot, whatever And we fucking start running down the fucking hill And the guy's like hey come back and we start throwing cases and you know, like out of four or five of us I think we lost three cases The guy's chasing us down the fucking hill And we ran down to like a street called tunnely And then my buddy said the one that got into the trouble three weeks ago a month ago said to me

My mother's getting ahead done today It's a certain day. Let's go to my house So we went back to his house. We put the beers in the refrigerator We took the other beers and put them in a bucket with ice And we smoked pot in his yard for a little while. We got nice and coke weeded up. It was like maybe Six of us at this point two other guys came home And we had I never forget we had a case of courts And one of the guys robbed a bottle of vodka from his mother's house

And everybody was Italian In that neighborhood so all of them everybody had Zambuca So my buddy whose house it was that I did all the acid with like that day We're in the basement listening to Music, you know getting high But the other four guys didn't know that him and I were on acid Oh, you were also on acid that day. We were on acid. We were we were drinking and we're smoking dope. It's 11 in the morning So we're getting high. We're listening to Led Zepp and we're listening to

We were young. I had Ted Nugent This is way before pink Floyd the wall. This is like arrow smith day is Ted Nugent and we're sitting there the next thing you know He says to me that he's gonna go upstairs and make vodka In Zambuca like peppermint schnapps Somebody we also had peppermint schnapps. Oh, yeah So we were gonna make vodka and Zambuca and there's a name for that like a frozen something. I don't know. I'm not up all the fucking

uh bartending names and shit like this so He goes let's go upstairs and let's shave ice and let's make these Zambuca or these peppermint schnapps Vodka drinks. So I said, okay So they're all downstairs, you know, I don't know how many kids are exactly there, you know But me and him go upstairs alone

This kid, uh, like I said at the time he was an honest student But he was crazy like me. He was into You know, uh, hallucinogenics and it was just me and him. It was all a little secret And the real reason Why I helped him out and I always help him out Is because of this I've never told nobody this While we were in that kitchen

I looked at him And I go hey, I gotta show you something And I went in my pocket and I took out the aluminum foil And he goes, what is that? And I go it's cocaine And he goes, where'd you get it? And I never lied to him. I got it from downstairs in my mother's basement I go, but I gave some to such and such and he told me it's rock a few. What do you think? Now in my heart, I didn't really want to do it But if he called my bluff

I would have been stuck So he goes, fuck it. Let's do it So I opened up the aluminum foil I emptied out what was on that thing We cut it up into four lines We each did a line. We looked at each other for like four or five minutes Then we did another line, a piece And then whatever was left we sprinkled

On the drinks and we drank that And we never told nobody Nothing But the reason why That kid Didn't grow up to his potential Was because I gave that line a coat that day and I could never forget that and I can never forgive myself for that And when that thought came to me Thursday night because this came to me Thursday like I had been

I went to the stress factory last week The situation with the cops was handled by friday and he had gotten a check by monday I spoke to him on tuesday For two days whatever went down had to eat in the way at me But thursday after the fucking trick-or-treating and the walking and the hallowade parade That night when I got home that night I looked at my wife and I'm gonna tell you something Do you really want me to tell you why I bailed this kid out? I've never told anybody this I go because I was the first person to ever give that kick cocaine

Me and him did cocaine Together halloween 1979 If I wouldn't have given him that coke his life Would have been completely different. Maybe my life would have been completely different Because I would have never done it. I don't know if I would have done it. I don't know I mean Part of you has to realize that like you said at the beginning that you guys grew up through the cocaine epidemic

So you could be right But I mean that's at least 50 50 We were we were 50 miles away from that island I could look you in the eye and tell you that If you want me to candy coat it for you, you know, man, I can candy coat it, but I'm not gonna candy coat it for you Okay, we were 50 miles away from that island We shouldn't even have thought about doing cocaine until we were 19 And by that time we were to look at each other and said it's too late. We ain't doing that junk. Look what's happening around us

But we didn't I should have never taken that coke And I should have never brought it to that kid's house that day So after I told my wife this I told my wife this and she looked at me. She goes on now. I knew I got up like a man. I went in my office and I called him I go, hey, can I talk to you about something? I just want you to know something And this is how I feel

I feel that You went to this college You did all these great things, but it was the poison I gave you in 1979 That led you astray because he told me When I spoke to him on tuesday that he had gotten a little fucked up again for a few weeks. He went off track You know, this has been going on, you know, I'm being him with the same person until I quit 12 years ago So do you understand what I'm trying to say to you? I've always had that guilt about that kid

I've robbed people I've done a lot of bad stupid shit, but that has always eaten me alive That I gave that kid his first line of coke his first two or three lines of coke And after that we just fell in line like after that there was no stopping us within Three months I remember me and him eating the kway lute We had a kway lute in the coldest night of fucking january and went to a party on At hudson county park and went to a chinese restaurant, you know that opened up a door by that time we were already fucking snorting

Acid that was creeping away And cocaine was coming in And yeah, hey listen, maybe i'm be your rightly and he even said he goes. I don't look at it that way I would have snort like listen who knows Who knows but maybe those two years Maybe if we didn't bust it out for two years And we would have kept doing acid

And everybody else would have got fucked up We would have seen the results of other people getting fucked up and we wouldn't have done what he done It's possible. I mean I know it's not possible, but this is a question. I always ask myself Like if you could go back and redo it and like have to live your life all over again And change that what do you do it? No, I would have never taken that cup But but you if you could what i'm saying if you had the choice be like, okay You can either keep going or go back and switch it but then you have to live your life all over again

I don't know. I don't play those games All i'm saying is that It was a bad move by me 40 years ago this halloween And I wouldn't have gone through half the shit I went through And he wouldn't be in the position he was in today If we wouldn't have fucking done this for him and I have to look at it from that perspective I really do I really have always felt that And after he got in trouble like the first time when the cops kicked his door down

I was always welcome at his house After the cops the cops kicked his door down and I did the longest yard and In the interviews for the local papers that said that I did time He wouldn't invite me to this house anymore And I think his mother put it together And his father put it together and I think his mother still knows that we're friends But she put together that maybe because he hung out with me at an early age

He got into the trouble he did because when I gave my interview In 2004 I was very candid. I was very honest about my drug use and stuff and they put it home paper I didn't mention any names, but You know your sons with this kid five fucking nights a week One night I put coconut in their house. I hit it and I woke her up at four in the morning And told her that left my wallet in his bedroom And I wanted this bedroom and took the coke out of the closet because he was in the city I mean we put a towel growing up

So You know these are the stories I tell people that I live with and I'm ashamed of I am he had The potential to do anything he wanted in this fucking life Anything he fucking wanted in this life Do I get up in the morning and cry? No Do I go to see a side cry? It's just about it. No

I feel the same thing you feel part of me feels that eventually We both would have ended up we would have ended up that's the way fate is But in my little Paranoid Uh Responsible mind. I'm responsible for that kid And I love him dealing like I love him deal. He's my brother. I'll never let him starve. I'll never let anything bad happen to him because

He put up he hurt he took he took he never took a beating for me But he took a lot of your beans because of me and he would tell everybody go fuck themselves. So This is the story of my life. This is Who I am today speaking of which? yesterday November's always been a weird fucking one for me guys like november's one of those months that One of my great friends died november Yes, sunday yesterday the third

It's 12 years. She's been dead, you know, it was rick ramus's birthday yesterday. It was My mother died this year november 8 to be the 40th anniversary of my mother's death um I got arrested this month in 87 I quit cocaine in november in uh in 19 In 2007 i'm coming up on 12 years of no coke um A lot of different things happened to me my I was initiated into santeria in november

november's a pretty uh big month for me and Yesterday morning, uh, I woke up. I knew marion Had died either the third or fourth or the fifth I just had a wait to popped up on Facebook this was rick ramus's birthday And I knew the anniversary but this morning uh sunday morning when I woke up I woke up about eight and I Was pissed and I was I

Was pissed and I immediately thought of marion and I swear to god guys. I went in got coffee You know had breakfast at the family the girls went to church I had to take a class on sundays on screenwriting and I think 20 minutes after my wife's left after my wife and the baby left the phone rang and it was rick And I go happy birthday. I was just about to call you. I was just thinking about marion. I know this is the day It was 12 years me and rick spoke a little bit. We spoke about apocalypse now How he was dead though 8 30 waits for me like a fucking idiot That's why I love him but

You know, I talk a lot about raffia on here. We touch on brody a lot I never really talked to you guys about marion and martinez. Uh I met marion and martinez in 96 in los angeles Uh, the latino lat festival was doing a showcase And they said that if I could get myself down here, they would put me up for two nights And give me like a hundred hours for padilla if I came down to showcase the improv So I wrote I drove down here rod long had to do a trip. He was a photographer So thank god to rod long out of seattle rod long

I told rod long about my situation. He goes, fuck it. I gotta go to LA. Anyway, I'll drive you He goes, we'll just drive and split the gas and go fine and We drove to LA and I went to the improv and I ate a bag of dicks for the showcase, you know, I mean, there's one thing driving 10 minutes and dying Never mind driving 18 hours to die a slow death But it was also on monday night. They told me to go over to the laugh factory in little tino night They said if you go over then tell me you're from out of town, they'll put you up

And I went over there the place was sold out The lineup was fucking pure death Pablo Francisco Carlos and then seared George Lopez I mean, it was fucking just dirty fucking tremendous show Uh, I got there in time And I asked the kid if I could go up and he goes, yeah, you go up next. In fact, we were waiting for you We set apart six minutes and I went up there and died another slow death But I made a couple people laugh and one little people I made laugh was just chubby checking the back

I wasn't on stage two minutes and the girl came right up to me. She's like, I know you You're from Denver. I people talk to me about you You used to work in boulder and I go, yeah, she goes, my name is Marilyn Martinez and I gave her hug and She introduced me to a little black Crip husband It was a sweetheart of a man and we went outside and she filled me in on LA And at the latino scene was moving and this and this and this and she gave me a number And the next day I got up in the hotel And with the last 20 dollars I had I think

I took a cab over to silver lake and She introduced me to Jeff Garcia And a bunch of other comics and she gave me numbers to call once I came back to LA and She said you should just stay You know, I got to spare bedroom after I ate there. I got to meet her. She's like just stay You know, I'm like, I can't I got a girlfriend up in seattle on my probation I got to go back up there blah blah blah blah blah But I called her every week from seattle, you know, I kept in touch with her for like six or seven months

And then once Doug stanho came up there and told me to move I called her and I said, what do you think that she goes Now is the perfect time And I came down and she introduced me to the guy that was doing latino night at the store and he was doing latino night at the improv I forget what his name is god bless his soul. He was a good dude and then Latino night the laugh factory was up. So she pretty much filled me in on what to do Uh, she asked me where I was gonna go on monday night if I had a place to stay and I had a girlfriend And I said yes, and she goes well make sure you go to the store

And I'm not gonna go down there tonight, but I'll see you there during the week You have to get into the store because from the time she saw me get on stage She was one of those people that came up to me and said has mitzi seen you yet? And I'm like no mitzi hasn't seen me so it was just uh I kept in touch when I moved back and when I came to la I called her and We became friends and she was a big time regular at the store mitzi loved

That was mitzi's girl mitzi loved because she was dirty. She was fat She was brash, you know the whole fucking thing So after I became you know even before that I think she talked to mitzi about me and mitzi Listened to her a little bit. So it was like her and then he griffin And we just became dear friends and then she introduced me to rick ramo's Like maybe 2000 and uh, maybe I don't know rick first moved here. He was a kid And we became friends and I learned a lot from her In comedy because she had been here for that long, you know, she had been here already for like 15

Yeah, she was regular at the store like in 94 or something like that And we became dear friends and it was just amazing. She was friends around for y'all. So I mean we were all Three fat fucks. So we loved each other And I still remember going on the road. I had a corpus christi I flew and her and her husband drove And when I went to their room the next day That they came up with one of those nine foot coolers, right? Yeah, and they had everything in there sandwich meat peanuts Yogurt they were happy as shit on the road. I mean we were both getting like maybe 750 dollars

You know the plane ticket was maybe two. I just didn't want to drive the 24 hours, you know But I still remember coming up one night going out Then look a few downstairs and the guy pay. Yeah. Yeah, he paid me. She goes Did he give you an envelope filled with cocaine? I go no, he goes here take mine And she gave me an envelope filled with fucking coke and I went down and got more coke Marilyn was uh, uh, one of us Marilyn was

Really well respected at the store, you know, she was just starting to bust out You know, like she had little successor paul redriguez And then she did the divas of comedy And then uh, she did something else for showtime And she was getting love. She was opening up for paul and She had a stomach ache one day It didn't go away for two days and

She went to the doctor and they told us she had cancer And we went down there and saw It had spread Fucking like wildfire already, you know And then when I got down there, I heard the story that she hadn't gone to the bathroom in four weeks After the first week you gotta be but we're all very Scared of doctors and we think the things are gonna pass this type of shit. I do And uh, it was too late, you know, she got diagnosed in april

They did all this surgery to her Uh, all these surgeries She stayed in the hospital till probably July And then after that was in and out like you would talk to her one day at the house The next day you were talking to her at the hospital Then the next day they'd move it to another hospital because they specialized in that cancer and fucking Carson So we couldn't get to go see her But then she finally came home

and On a sunday they had a big thing for her at her house And I went over there and they put her bed. They had her in a special bed in the lemon room And when I walked in the room she had lost 70 pounds You know And I gave her a hug and a kiss We talked and we ate and I played with the cats and I talked to her husband, Dave

And it was a small window that her and I had and I went over to her and I sat and I go, how you feeling? And she knew she was dying you could see in her eyes that she was scared and she said to me that if She was very Catholic, but she was very dirty on stage and I remember one day my wife Telling me that how come every time she calls you she's got a handsome phone cocksucker My wife would answer phone like hello and she'd go cocksucker And She's very dirty. I remember that day. She said to me that if

She got to survive cancer That she would never do a dirty joke again Because god didn't want to do dirty material I'm sitting there this whole time and I'm listening to her And I know she's under some type of drugs, you know, like they had for pain like she was suffering And we're talking back and forth about

cancer and how many more treatments she has If she gets out of this path, she's got one surgery left And she looks up at me What we're talking about like weather, I don't know what we're talking about, but it wasn't What came out of words What came wasn't What, you know, we would talk like if we were talking about sports, you just stopped And she looked me straight in the face like nobody ever has

And she goes by the way God wants you to stop And dog If you know anything about me if anybody ever said that to me I would laugh in their face But the way her eyes were looking at me The way her eyes were looking at me I knew she wasn't fucking around And it just stared into me

And the feeling went through my eyes and into my stomach and I'm like If it was anybody else, I would have told her go fuck herself And I just said uh, okay And that was a Sunday And uh I think I did coke like That night That night like it was weird how this whole

Situation went down, but it started with her It started with her Her police like she just stopped she goes you gotta stop doing coke god wants you to stop doing coke joey You have a career You have a great girlfriend. You have to stop And I looked on I said, I know which usually I would have told you go fuck yourself mind your business What do you know how much coke I'm doing? You know, I was in denial like any other addict, you know And I said you're right

And I think that night I got high Maybe the night after that I got high and then I had that meeting for that movie The one where they said you you couldn't yeah, it was around that time or maybe I'm lying to you What happened was I had a benefit in New Jersey One on friday night for the hoboken police department and one on saturday for the north bergen basketball The one on friday was in hoboken one on saturday was in north bergen I got high like that Sunday and monday

And then something wasn't right Something wasn't right And I may have gotten high that Thursday, but I couldn't wait to get on the plane to get high Like maybe I didn't get high that thursday. I didn't And I touched base in new york and I had my own hotel room. I had a great hotel room Uh In fort lee and I was close to a friend of mine

That she could always get coke Like I grew up in there. I talked to her and her husband all the time In fact, she was telling me call me when you're ready and I'll bring something over I have the cash. I'll put it up for you And I remember something just wasn't right That friday night I didn't get high That saturday night I didn't get high And that sunday when I landed was I found out that she died

What when did she pass why like that saturday night? so when I landed When I called home my wife told me marillon died That Monday I went to that meeting for that guy that tuesday and then I think that uh

That next weekend was the weekend when the cat died And I got on my hands and knees and I said so I was clean for like four or five fucking days I was mad about the marillon thing I was mad about I hadn't gone in for the movie thing yet. I think I did go into I was mad about the movie When marillon came back I left her funeral Because their funeral was in silver lake And then there was a cemetery

Burial I could only make it to the funeral at the church. I couldn't make it to the burial Because I had an interview that day for that movie. It was all like Like fucked up And I still remember going in that day for the movie and being furious and like That night was the benefit for marillon at the store And I wasn't gonna go And somebody go you have to go down here. She was your friend. You have to go down there represent

And I was sober maybe four or five days And I'm like fuck this is gonna be rough And I actually went and stopped and got a package and put it in my pocket and went down there And that's the night I caused havoc with that poor producer I caused havoc and they asked me to leave the store. They didn't throw me out. They knew it wasn't my fault But I gave the package away And then that follow on weekends when I gave it up officially But if it wasn't for marillon talking to me in that tone of voice

I would have probably still been doing coke today So I want to thank marillon. I want to To let you guys know about it. It was a 12th anniversary. I appreciate rick ramo's calling you And that's it. That's a monday fucking morning podcast motherfuckers nice and simple I just wanted to tell you some things about my life get you started for a great week And let you know it's going to be a good fucking year

It's going to end good and 2020 is going to be even motherfucking better. Don't forget listen, detroit I'll be there thursday and friday and saturday is already sold out normal. Listen right now at this point I got two nights available in miami. I got friday the 28th and saturday the 29th I think those are dates in november go to my improv.com and double check I'm at the miami improv on friday the two late shows are sold out. So you only got your choice the early show And for the following week and all I have is tickets available for the 10 30 show at town hall in new york city The early shows there's tickets left, but they're all over 170 dollars. Don't pay for those fucking things They even got tickets for 900 dollars. Do not pay for scalpers. That's not your that's no no no

It's on the site It's on the fucking town hall site Whoa, yeah, so don't not get those just get shows. It's new york They were out for fucking the fight last night though one in the morning It's commonly you could stay out the midnight with uncle joey So it's the 29th and 30th. Whatever the fuck it is miami improv And then december 6 tickets are still available the 10 30 show in town hall real quick

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Omaha sold out all four shows are gone. Detroit again. They got two thousand dollar tickets You don't want those wait till I go to buffalo Canada and you make a nice weekend you get your tickets early And nobody gets their feelings hurt. I don't want nobody paying over fucking 40 fucking dollars 35 32 plus a ticket charge. I'm not no fucking houdini. I can't change your life one of my Anthony fucking robbins Anyway, miami December 6th at town hall the late show 10 30 beside that. I love you motherfuckers with all my heart. All right The christ killer loves you. Thank you for supporting us. Thank you for having them back I want to thank our sponsors again my bookie for hymns

And uh cbd lion and that's it and that's that have a great week have a great day And we'll see you motherfuckers wednesday tip top motherfucking magoo kick this mule Lee I want to be around To pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart Some somebody twice as smart as I Or somebody who Will swear to be true as you used to do with me who

Leave you to learn That misery loves company Wait and see I mean I want to be around To see how he does it when he breaks your heart to bits Let's see if the puzzle fits So fine And that's when I'll discover that revenge is sweet

As I sit there applauding From a front row seat When somebody breaks your heart like you