Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #734 - Rudy Sarzo

Episode Date: November 7, 2019

Rudy Sarzo, a favorite on the podcast, a Bass player who has played with, Ozzy Osbourne, Whitesnake, and Dio, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Athletic Greens - Get 20 free travel packs worth $79 when you go to www.athleticgreens.com/church   Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your portable bidet.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.

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fucking Saudi Arabia after the bombing then pushy is for you you're like Joey what's pushy it's a portable but day that you strap on yourself and 10 minutes and that's it pushy sprays water straight directly into your ass and removes the old shit and but you're gonna juice and whatever else you got sitting back there in that asshole bacteria that leads to nasty things like hemorrhoids yeast infections UTI itchy assholes and skid marks but days are common in the rest of the world only here in America we have to cut a tree to wipe your ass no more go to hello to she dot com right now and take a look at the selections

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grand-grand-grandma for Christmas what am I gonna get my parents for Christmas take a look at your mother's ass does it look like it needs some water in that motherfucker go to hello to she dot com right now press in church and get 10% off your order do me a favor Lee kick this motherfucker mule Wednesday the 6th of November I got Rudy Sarge so fresh off a fucking physical you understand that his body's making blood as we speak I got the Christ killer here ready to go you got your own joey on a Wednesday mother fuckers or Thursday morning whatever you listen to this

and remember you walk alone oh shit what's happening you bad motherfuckers uncle Joe here with my main number one fucking Cuban the man of the hour Rudy Sarge we were talking about let me tell you something I I met a guy the idea of David's Jewish nicest Jewish guy you could ever meet nicer than then Lee nice and the conversation was great until he said you know I don't know if you know this but my wife is African American I'm like you dirty Jew bastard yeah I knew it I knew it you love that

dark meat talks like I just not on Hanukkah it was funny how you know some people like certain women you know I love being Cuban I love Cuban people I'm very proud of my heritage one thing I did not like since day one you ready was those fucking sweet 16s back in San Diego yeah I went to one oh yeah that was it here I mean in Cuba or no I went to Union City one one that tuxedo with the 18 guys and tuxedo chicks and dresses yeah and that grandmother's there and you got to dance six inches apart listen I'm going to touch some titties and grab some pussies you understand and grab some asses and then grandma's watching

you with a microscope and fucking binoculars I hated that shit if I look back at my childhood there's the pussy things I did there's two things I did though the pussy is I can't even get mad at people for because I have to live with this I went on two dates with a girl that had to take a grandmother Cuban grandmother and the grandmother sat in between us let me tell you something till this day I remember that if I knew what I knew now I would have got up and smack the grandmother and told the grand pull the granddaughter out of there like narcos did you see narcos he used to kidnap the girlfriend the Mexican one

he used to Rafa used to kidnap the girlfriend that's what I would have done with it I don't ever want to go on a date with a fucking chap bro like it's still irks me today like she's on Facebook and I won't even be friends with her yeah yeah just because she made her grandmother and if she didn't do it because she was all into it she was crazy like me the grandmother in those days you had asked the mother then the mother said I can't I don't have the time but grandma go yeah and you're sitting there like your heart on dies and that sack dies your heart dies chapter rooms were the reason why I was

a virgin until I was 19 years old oh yeah you couldn't get rid of no it's impossible some right but but what's ironic is now if you take a look at your old girlfriend she's turning to her mom so right now she looks exactly like a chap around the same girl that you dated you know when she was 18 and you were 18 you know going to high school together you know in Miami because I've been in elevators you know and they don't know that I speak Spanish you know they take a look at me guy will hit me with long hair you know and they start talking about me they're gonna say you know and then I get off the elevator

and say well buenas noches señoras you know I have no idea you know is that your favorite thing to do if I knew another language I would just go around trying to spy on me but I gotta kick out of that you know because to me leaving Miami was my second exile you know first I left Cuba then I went to Miami and that was I got to get out of here because it was how you felt in Miami oh I still do I can only take Miami you know I go there to see my mom like three or four days and then I gotta get out what was your total but I'm talking about my I we arrived in 61 we left in 63 to New

Jersey West West New York you know your hood then we left in 66 we went back to Miami again and I was there for like 10 more years until this go came in what didn't you like about it that time what I didn't like about it well first of all you know back in 19 when I left in the 70s was still that mentality that you're Cuban you're not supposed to be doing certain things right I live culturally 70s was tough 70s to be a Cuban yeah first generation first generation yeah was very tough it was their rules were fucking they had rules yes a lot of rules as a big problem I'm telling me about rules I don't want to know about

fucking rules I had those rules and even they were even harder on me till I went home and this is great when I got out of Catholic school my mom came around and she goes I don't know I don't want to bang out to you I'm done so we're gonna do it your way and if it works we'll do it your way the minute it doesn't work it goes back to my way and that was communistic measures that's the best measures you know for anybody who doesn't know I mean you know I didn't I tell stories that I got hit yeah I got hit but the number one punishment I was made to do was write lines I will not call my mother a fuck you know I'm not

saying I ever did but little things I will not play ball in the house yeah and I would have to sit there for hours and the eyes had to be under the eyes perfectly and the wills had to be perfectly wow and I would sit there for two three days I get home from school at three eat lunch and go right to the notebook I sit there till dinner and after dinner for two hours and then my mom would be waiting for an apology and in my world there was no fucking apology I rather write these fucking lines than apologize that now I felt at that age but then somebody would come over and there's Cubans calling that

you don't have to lie okay that means they throw in the towel for you so let's say I'm mad at Mercy and Rudy comes over I leave the room Rudy sits at Mercy and says hey what's going on with you nothing my dad and you listen I grew up with your dad I know he is just tell him you're sorry and you want to keep writing and I go no and they go okay call your mother mark come in here and my mom will come in and I have to look at her and say I'm sorry for breaking the dollars and she go next time you do this this is the penalty you know my daughter lost her jacket at school I give my daughter 40 bucks a month to do

the podcast $10 a week I give a 40 I make a signed paperwork I put it through the whole fuck you know me I give it to her an envelope I make it to the whole deal a mother bought her a school jacket she wanted a hooded sweatshirt she lost that to school the mother charged her 30 bucks yesterday she was crying for an hour took it out of her piggy bank that's it that's how I was raised you know you don't know the value of a dollar so as it was I had rules growing up but you couldn't and then no let me tell you whether there was more rules in North Bergen there were unspoken rules couldn't get an A-ring couldn't get a tattoo no

long hair it was very well known in North Bergen like the the basic rules of North Bergen they were underwritten but they were very basic the kid died about six weeks ago from North Bergen I'm friends with his wife today and his wife came to my show on rascals and she goes when I hugged her I don't I'm sorry about what happens she does my husband always loved you he said you were a real man because you're soft more you broke up with a girl and you went to him before you asked her out and I did my sophomore year I went to this tough motherfucker I go hey you guys have been broken apart for a month there's a word on the street

that her and I could click are you okay with this so I could see his t-turn and he goes I still love her and I go listen you're apart for a month and he goes well you do what you got to do and I put my hand out I go I'm just here to tell you I'm gonna take her out that day I don't want no problem I put my hand down that's what men did that's how I was raised like that was the code in that town that town was very coldish you know some kid hit me last night you know when we were kids we were raised to do everything the best like we went to hash ways there was no fast food you didn't eat at that place you didn't

step foot in that place you know that's just the way it is you lived off discipline a certain discipline and I carried that discipline out here like I'm a regular I'm not a bagel head you know that you'll never hear me go on the pizza I don't care I'm here and I'm not here for the fucking pizza anyway I'm here for a dream or them for enough here for a bagel but when it comes to food I'm very traditional Cuban you know you got to have this shit somewhere I don't want it I rather not have a second best you know it's like some guy said to me that's not into the world I want to take you to church the Popeyes I wouldn't

walk into fucking Popeyes I wouldn't walk in I made a mistake one time I was sick for four fucking days I'll never do it again I go I'm a Chick-fil-A guy he goes Chick-fil-A is a better sandwich but don't you want to taste the Popeyes just to compare it I go why would I fuck with the best it's the best it's the best I'm gonna go to Popeyes and last time I went to Popeyes I took the skin off the chicken I could see four toes the breast was a guy's foot you could see it didn't take a genius I wish I was lying to you it was like a fucking foot that they had cut at the ankle not at the ankle at the at the insole and they

deep-fried it that's what it looked like I never went back in there never again and my daughter one in there one there with my I thought my wife can't bring her in here gee yeah but it's okay that you can't bring her in here we don't eat that shit we don't do that we don't we don't ballet vu france when I was a kid in Cuba in the 50s the fast food will come to you we had guys with carts and it would be like they had either had a bell or they had their pregón which is like their slogan you know they'll be singing money said oh you know selling peanuts or whatever you know and the best Chick-fil-A type sandwiches bang and

panizado bistein panizado or pollo in panizado which is like breaded breaded breaded right there made fresh and this little cart this guy's pushing this cart along the street you know and he's got it like a like a grill you know like a like a Hibachi grill the Mexicans now yeah yeah that was our fast food but they don't move to you no no no these guys move around they walked around yeah yeah yeah and they're like yelling out letting everybody in the neighborhood that he's coming man yeah and and my mom had a basket with a rope and she would put the money in there put the basket down with a rope and the guy would put

take the money and put the the sandwich and she will take the basket right up and that that was our you know that was her fast food you know and it was amazing fresh and it had soul because the guy will be singing along with it you know if I could have a basket hanging out of my window I would never leave the house it was a balcony yeah they come to you the ice cream guy granizado you know where's the shave eyes you know with that with that a jizz on it and yeah and they you know all that peanuts oysters oyster cart oysters already prepared with with the sauce and everything you know of the only of the

only of the only yeah oyster yeah yeah yeah what human rules didn't you like that you felt well you know it wasn't as much as my family had rules it was more I mean you know my mom had some guide you know of course you know guidance and things you can do you cannot do for example she had the law that if my brother and I we were fighting you know over anything you know stupid things that kids do she would hit us with the belt both not one but whoever whoever if if you're guilty you're gonna get hit and we're not guilty yeah you're gonna get it yeah everybody got hit so that was like a main rule you know you know so

we didn't fight over anything you know and you know but it was more cultural social rules you know that if that if you went out into the streets and you were in and you were facing Miami as a culture an extension of Cuba you know you were still had those rules that they were applied to you in Cuba but in Miami and they really did not apply anymore in Miami you know but because you're it's part of the United States so it was a I found it very tough for some people to assimilate early on first-generation Cubans my family for example they had like a cut-off point if it was like across the street from

Flagler where they live that was coral gables they wouldn't go there because that's coral gables they wanted to live in the northwest a subway and nowhere you know that was more like a Cuban Cuban territory so they had that cut-off you know that was that was the rule don't go to coral gables you'll get lost it's a lot of white people there they'll know they're not gonna help you get back home basically my rules I couldn't the rules of the house were made out of a guy I wasn't allowed to repeat what I heard in the house but the three monkeys were everywhere you know they cover their eyes you know I

couldn't do and then when one came into the picture he brought even more rules because he was the ultimate machismo Cuban man the guy that you know he wouldn't be in a room with a man what that was gay if he wasn't a gay man walked and he'd walk exactly yeah not allowed to drink in public can't let nobody drink in public very no flash you have to confuse the people who you are don't let them you know he was always confusing people so he brought different rules into my life you know we weren't allowed to talk on the phone about anything like even if I knew something I wasn't allowed to I'll never

forget them pulling up one day and me getting into a beef I had to be maybe Mercy's age six and getting into a beef outside in the cop broken up and me talking to the cop my mother come up to you don't say two words for motherfucker you know you're not allowed to talk to cops it was like so there were so many fucking rules in my house growing up that it was confusing and I kept to them like I never repeated the life I was living inside my house but one of the positive rules that my mother had was I was not allowed to speak Spanish outside the house in the house she wanted me to speak Spanish she's I stir remember us

having that conversation that she didn't want to raise no fucking Ricky Ricardo with an accent that your accent has to be American you're an American you know my rules the plan for me was laid out you know these Arabs complain I left because they wanted me to marry my cousin well I had the same rules I wasn't gonna marry my cousin yeah oh no they pretty much had a woman for me to marry it was her goddaughter that was the plan that I married her goddaughter so they always pushed us together when we were kids but the my mother's plan was high school the service and the head see them because she wanted to get back

to the country what the country had done for her so she wanted me to do four years then go to college then go to law school that was the plan that's why when I got left back in the seventh grade I'm like a plan is not gonna work out because I can't even make it out of the seventh grade I'm so fucking stupid so that was her plan that was it I knew in high school that I was gonna go into the army like she was gonna force me into the army like there was no way about it that was her main goal you're giving this country for fucking years for what they did for us and even though she was a numbers and she on the bar and she was

a drunk those were her principles so it's really weird the rules I had grown up I couldn't wear my hair a certain way I couldn't part it what side do Cubans a Cuban man has to be yes on the left side if you part on the right side that means you're a fag so once a while I would experiment with my hair and I fucking comb it to the right side and I go to breakfast and she go what are you rock Hudson and I go what are you talking about she go put your hand on the other side before I smack you remember in the 70s was popular to wear a scarf with a little a little bow when you tighten it I was always sweating in

Miami yeah in the 70s yeah in the 70s there was a style yeah that you put a scarf around your neck yeah and it was just a little circle yeah and you took the circle put the scars yeah it's like a hippie move yeah yeah I'll never forget the first time yeah I put one of those things on I went to the living room she just looked up and she was like what are you a fag I think that off right now you're embarrassing me you know I'm saying like shit like that yeah it wasn't allowed like if you were laying on the floor I was not allowed to cross my mother's body

so she's laying on the floor okay got her stomach yeah yeah TV yeah Cubans are allowed to cross the body yeah that means that in a cemetery yeah you have to walk around them yeah you couldn't say can't the word cancer in my house yeah my mother would spit on herself yeah so whenever somebody would say cancer she'd go yeah yeah and she'd spit on herself you're like what the fuck is wrong with you know it was just so many basic and I forget half them like I forget three quarters of now yeah but there were just so many fucking rules I had they were ridiculous yeah I mean I you know I just like you I love my parents and I I'm

grateful for them because everything that I am today is because of them you know all the sacrifices and everything and but there was a lot of funny shit you know going on you know it's like when we first got to Miami and then 61 my dad first thing he got was a TV was first paycheck he's sorry on credit you know back back in the day okay was that credit you know and credit cards and stuff and we got a TV and so on Sunday whenever football came on television and my mom's you know we didn't have football in Cuba you know American football you know and she sees like these guys wearing like tights and and they're close

to each other and one guy's got his hands underneath the other guy's leg to grab a ball she goes no no no no you know I want you to watch this this is wrong so there was no football in my house we all those men with tight pants on watching each other no we don't want that no I could just see it yeah there was the machismo was so high even with mom's mom or yeah because moms knew the torture that kids were gonna get if they you know Cuba in the 50s and 40s was very anti-gay and when Fidel took over it was even more I think pretty much the word the whole world was pretty anti-gay back then yeah for Cubans I've read

stories of there was a time in Cuba where it was such a disgrace that the neighbors would talk to parents into taking the child shark fishing and throwing them off the boat you know in the Celia crew story they killed his brother or nephew because he was gay yeah you know it was a different time in Cuba to be gay you know it wasn't like flamboyant but Rob Cutson went down there every weekend and was gay in Cuba and they accepted him you know Marlon Brando the stories about Marlon Brando going down to Cuba and being gay you know and I remember being a kid and hearing Cubans telling me about

different personalities and I go how the fuck do you know about this and they go because when I was a kid they would come to Cuba and we were kids we were following around with Michael Jackson then when Michael Jackson put the kid outside the window yeah yeah thousand people outside yeah that's what would happen in Cuba when like a celebrity would go to a hotel yeah the national or something like that they would people would get the word around who was ever in town you know wherever was big at that time you know Sinatra you know when Sinatra was at the national or whatever they were fucking 200 Cuban

skinny chicks outside waiting to suck his dick yeah you know he would pick them and choose them you know if you read the book of Eleanor Turner it talks about him being in Cuba a lot the sexual fucking prowesses that he had down there that motherfucker was going crazy yeah recently this this man Walter Mercado yes died yeah he passed away you know yeah and you know he was like a big huge huge presence in Miami in the 60s you know I mean you took a look at the guy and we you know all the you know what was made fun of him you know because everything is mannerism the way he dress you know I'm all yeah and it's obviously his sexual

orientation was not in question but but when they announced you know that the local Los Angeles anchor person you know was talking about his background and everything announcing his passing and and then he mentioned and and that his lifestyle his sexual preference was never mentioned that he never came out and I'm thinking did he have to come out no you know it's obvious and who cares really you know another thing going back to that when I was it when I was a kid you know I was into music and you know you were a kid and you were going wow you know I tried to trumpet first and I tried trombone and I was

just going down the instruments you know until eventually I got a guitar but in between that I thought maybe piano piano you know this sounds great I can play rock and roll and then I can play you know some classical music jazz is music you know and my mom would say oh no no oh no the piano it's not for for man to play she knew she knew a lot of you know gay piano players in Cuba and she thought that the instrument was gonna turn you gay was it a Cuban culture thing or was it a cafe thing or a mix or like what do you think I think it was reference reference that she had that because one of my aunts was actually a

casino lounge singer in Miami I'm sorry in Cuba in Havana you know all those casino all those hotels they had casinos in Havana you know that was the normal thing you know so her the guy who that would accompany her was gay you know the feet and she had like like like two or three piano players I would accompany my aunt and they all gay so my mom's reference at the time was like well all these guys that play piano they're gay so the instrument must turn you gay don't play it was they had the list of the other night they had a semi-list up of Cuban rules and people howling like can't take a shower after

you eat catch up in the pool for an hour and then it would stick to the rule and you're a kid in Miami at the hotel trembling you're counting the can I go in now no an hour after you eat like I take showers all the time now I've right after I eat this showers I take one I got a sandwich in my hand I still have a fucking died my mom would not pick up the phone if it's raining in Miami because there might be lightning and even if you have a wireless you know not a cell phone but a wireless phone you know cordless phone in your house she will not pick it up because she she thinks that she's gonna get electrocuted

you know hit by lightning you know rules these are the rules and I grew up with that you cannot eat you cannot go in the shower after you eat for so many hours because you get a calamity which is a a we go a cramp you're gonna get a cramp and you're gonna die in the shower yeah yes yes all the pool yeah they were the boy I had the pool one but yeah the shower one I never had before they were a mansion it's like no matter how how ridiculous something is my mom will always say to me she will say it and then she'll go as possible you know it's possible I think the craziest Cuban thing I ever saw was I was living in

Colorado in our Vada in 93 I had just moved back and I reconnected with a friend of my family's his name was Alcoello he could be dead now he was a character like he took me to see kiss and I didn't even know it you know he when I see him you always say you remember I took you to see kissed how your friends I don't know if it was kiss I don't fucking know you know but kiss was from long Island they would do little bars and he took me to a rehearsal one day and he had girlfriends and you know whatever and then I lost contact with him and I rekindle my contact with him I met him selling cars somebody

told me he's a Cuban guy from Jersey that sells cars at Douglas Toyota so I went over there when they go what's your name he was out we started talking like oh my god I grew up with you you know well parents knew each other and he goes you know stay with me so I moved in with him when I came back to Jersey and his aunt was coming meet that meet died and my go he had two aunts and I'll never forget that we picked the aunt up and she took the metal tray and took a pig cut them in half oh yeah marinade the motherfucker yeah put like a saran wrap around with duct tape and put them on the plane and put them on top of the

plane like like luggage and the whole plane she goes no no we're not paying they got our young and they're talking about the smell of garlic everybody on the plane was called small small yeah and they had a pig on the plane that nobody knew about and she didn't say anything she looked at it like you know you take a soldier out of battle she says they walked on the plane like that in the store this is like hi what are you having like luggage we just can't hold it we airy they had a pig and they put the pig in they took the pig out we drove it from Denver Airport the alcoholos house and they threw in the

oven and then marinated for those four hours they were like what are we gonna do for those four hours let's marinate the pig let's kill two birds and one stone flying they marinated the pig while they were fucking flying that's how much respect they had for that little fucking pig that's beautiful it really is before the show you were talking about something that made me laugh I enjoyed it very much I enjoyed it because it reminded me of what's going on right now I really like Dolomite it reminded me how much I loved Eddie Murphy I've always loved Eddie Murphy and I don't want to see him

do stand up all you fucking idiots that keep pushing Freddie Murphy to do stand up stop it he hasn't gotten on stage in 20 years what do you think it's gonna take a year for him to tune up it's gonna take too long he makes too much money making movies and even if they give him 70 million dollars he does not want to go down to the county store and work out every night and he's gonna have to and that's not gonna happen he's too old he gets fucking I've seen him at the store when you see him at the store you realize that this was a stepping stone for him it was a stepping stone for him this is all this was for Netflix to give

him 70 million dollars to do a special you'd have to be an idiot if you're not gonna take it but I know that Eddie those two specials are brilliant raw and delirious he's was he gonna talk about now what's he gonna do go to the commie store four nights a week for a year to get 60 minutes give me a fucking breather but beside that little thing the Dolomite I thought was great I thought it was great it's funny that you were talking about that when you started in North Miami there was a house and see and he was a black guy I think there's a black guy at every place I did come yet there was a house yeah yeah I had a

story yeah your guy said that Isaac Hayes ripped yeah Jeff Stewart Jeff Stewart was 1969 we were all everybody in the band was fresh out of high school and we happened to be rehearsing at the guitar player's house and the father his his dad walks in with the newspaper and he wanted ads page and he says hey there's this club that's hiring a band they're looking for a band he just wanted us out of the house you know up until the time we were only doing quinceañeras which was a great breeding ground for rock bands or you know little bands that became big you know big musicians came out of those little bands so matter of fact the

Miami Sound yeah well Miami Sound machine one of them will leave from David Letterman Orchestra he was a bass player in one of the bands in the circuit you know the quinceañeras you know I mean countless of great musicians came out of that we had to play a lot of slow songs because that was the only chance that that the kids could actually have body contact while the chaperones were actually keeping an eye on them you know on the dance floor you know so they had this method is was when they're facing the the chaperone they they hold tight and then when when they go sideways they separate you know that

six inch rule right right and then it was it was over like that as they go around in circle they separate and then they come together again and start humping and then they separate you know and the more slow songs you played in your set the more gigs you got you know so those were the Miami quinceañera rules you know but what we went straight from from playing that circuit into all of a sudden I had never seen a naked woman before because all my girlfriends were Catholic and they had chaperones you know their moms all of a sudden I'm playing in front of naked women you know they're naked they're naked you know

what was topless and with the G strings so that might as well be big naked you know and we had this MC Jeb Stewart he looked like Jackie Wilson you know had the pump of the war you know with with the hair grease back matching Romeo shirt remember those shirts I had like the big collar and lace yeah polyester and polyester matching pants usually either orange or light blue baby blue with with shoes that he every night he would take paint and spray paint the shoes to match the color of his outfit and he had like a big cardboard sign behind the drummer with like records you know 45 spray painted in gold and his name in

in sequence you know glitter Jeb Stewart and then he has some slogan you know like the the king of soul or whatever and little musical notes and stuff like that and we just play R&B all night long with this guy and and he must have been a great singer one time but I never got to hear that because he had any a perpetual cold it was always like this raspy right so he would only hit one note like I'm gonna wait through the midnight hour you know when this he never would sing a melody it was always like this raspy one notes singing and he had the dance moves in between and he was smooth man slick smooth he

wouldn't you do the girls because you know like he went to do the girl and then she would dance right right in front of us in our little stage and then she will move on to a cubicle in this horseshoe shaped bar with all men sitting around and they had knockers so instead of clapping that's what you heard like you know 50 guys going like this you know in between girls you know instead of clapping you know for the girls dancing and the girls will move around and by the end of the set you have like eight girls dancing you know and then that was over and then 50 minutes later you go back you do another show with the

same the same thing you know yep that was my my first club club gig when you were on the road with white snake in 88 87 87 to 94 yeah let's just say 88 yeah yeah were you ever on stage one night having a great night you know yeah all them everybody's doing great and at one point you thought to yourself the reason this is happening is because what I did in that strip club absolutely absolutely I mean I don't on you that fucking destroys me when I think of the exact moment where I learned how to do that it happened I tell Lee it happens to me a lot now when I'm on stage and I'm controlling the audience I'm controlling

them at this point yes and it's been 28 years but this just didn't happen that control I learned at a certain bar in 1995 and while I'm on stage about the delivered jokes and while I'm getting my breath back while they're laughing and they're settling that thought it just runs through my mind that the reason I'm here right now is because of that bar in 1995 the night that the guy through a stake at me or whatever you know I'm just making up scenarios here but it's so weird how now 28 years later there's nighttime on stage having a good set you know after 20 years of being in it you know thinking back to the night where

you had that breakthrough that you did that that that step that maybe you added that baseline that you know something with me it's always maybe I move a certain way or I I do something I did something in New Jersey that I hadn't done in 20 years like a not a bit but a piece from a bit that I couldn't use the bit anymore because the bit is fucking old I don't even think I remember it but I used a piece from a bit when I got off that night oh wow I still remember doing that bit on improv level one night and then starting to use it and then it just it was time to re get rid of the bit and I did but that little piece of

that bit still makes me laugh and that was that had to be 96 97 when I did that bit to kill time like somebody said how much time you got I'm like 18 do 30 okay I'll tell a story and I told that bit does that ever happen to you that you're on stage and you think back to a certain night absolutely absolutely I you know that the tomboy club in North Miami was my first club gig and I kept playing clubs all the way in Miami up until like I left in 75 and that was basically my cutoff point so it was about six seven years because by the time well actually I kept playing in clubs up in Chicago area in the Midwest with

another band it wasn't until I got to LA and in 1978 started playing with the Randy Rhodes version of Quiet Riot that that yes we were playing clubs but they were showcase clubs you were expected to play original material so to me that was a big difference between playing being in a cover band because that's not gonna get you anywhere you know I mean if you really have aspirations to becoming a professional musician you know as far as a career move yes you might be able to make some money and you know take care of some bills and things like that but if you really want to you know make a move you know it's like it's like in in

comedy or acting you have to you have to do certain things you know like playing at the comedy store it's a showcase club it's not just a comedy gig you're there with the best of the best you know and there's gonna be agents are gonna be producers and you know the suits are gonna be in the audience checking out what's new who who can I get you know for my next special or my next movie or whatever you know discovering talent well there are certain clubs in in in Los Angeles that at the time that was the purpose of playing there there was starwood that choir right we were like a house band there with Randy then there

was there is the whiskey and the Roxy and the troubadour and for one time for for a certain period of time there was Bill Gazari's Gazari's place you know Van Halen was like the house band and stuff like that where was that Gazari's is where what is it called now it's called something else it's it's like a disco now it was like in Hollywood yeah it's okay yeah it's it's west of the rainbow oh so it's down towards that yeah it's the next club across you know the next street from from the rainbow bar and grill you know it was all one yeah playing there was there was a club called filthy magnasties which was a cover

club now is the Viper room you know yeah Viper room used to be filthy magnasties. What about that place on Fairfax. There's a place on Fairfax. Oh wait a minute. Towards Wilshire. Okay. I went there a few times Irish bar they have like cover bands I had a friend that was in the duty band at the time. Yeah yeah you know the the strip was like basically the place of course you know one later on different clubs around the area I think it's called the Mint the one you're talking about the Mint. Yes yeah that's another place that opened up later on yeah but hang out what's the place next to Dan Tannis. Oh the

Troubadour. The Troubadour. Was that a hangout for you? That was definitely a hangout. By the time that I started playing there quite a riot played there without me but yeah that was almost more folky you know like the Eagles you know a little bit softer rock Elton John you know performed there it wasn't kind of like a guitar driven you know heavy heavier sound like the whiskey or the rock she was. Yeah that's fucking crazy. Now the Dolomite thing I picked up from him he said a line in there that he sold he sold the line so brilliantly and to say that line you had to be. Oh yeah. In that some part of your life when he's having

dinner with the guys after the thing and he goes I'm taking a listen into the whole bow and blah blah blah and they said something to him and he just paid his money he goes fuck you motherfuckers I don't need to talk to your people he walked out to his car and I think Michael Epps came out there and he goes bro be cool and he goes nah you don't know you don't know what it feels like to have something that nobody wants and that's a point of everybody every artist's career there's a point at the 60 for me it was the five six seven year mark that you know I'm doing comedy with these guys I'm in the same circle

people are talking to them but they're not talking to me you know and at one point you actually go home and go obviously they're not buying what I'm selling you know do I keep doing what I'm doing do I quit do I change my act when I put a suit on and make rocket ship fly out of my ass all like what do you do you know I'm saying yeah and I like that part that they showed the character putting it together I'm gonna make a comedy out yeah you know and it's funny because my whole comedy and I told especially since I've been working with Lee I don't even want anything perfect I came from the 70s where I

grew up on comedy albums whether it was prior or Cosby or Carlin or whatever we were and it was a different feeling it was six of us would chip in and get 25 dollars worth of weed and we'd get a six pack of beer and we'd come to Rudy's lit garage because Rudy's parents were worked till six during the week so we would go over that four o'clock we'd all sit in the circle and put this comedy album on and giggle it was like a it was a thing people did it wasn't surprising for somebody to call you in the 70s and go Lee what are you doing Saturday night bring over onion dip I'm having 20 people over we're gonna listen

to the bicentennial nigga and you would all sit there there was a Netflix there was no comedy special there's no comedy special you came in with that album fresh you opened it up you took it out everybody's like yeah it's Richard prior bicentennial nigga you put that thing on and nobody said a fucking word all you did was laugh nobody said a word and that was big in the 70s that's why I went when it came to doing the podcast I really enjoyed it because it made people listen again when I used to be in those rooms nobody said shit you can't do shit today without somebody saying something messing something up in the

70s nobody said shit you put that on my nobody had the heart to say did you watch the neck game last night nobody you shut your mouth and you hung on and you listened and not everything was perfect the recordings weren't perfect you know even when you listen to Judas Priest unleashed in these those recordings weren't perfect and how many fucking bootleg albums that they sell how many bootleg albums I listen to that were made at the garden some guy would walk them with a with a cassette in his jacket so on there's no microphone all these people we have to put live mics and all this shit what are you talking

about I've seen them do it with nothing what are you talking about the first album I ever signed was a guy that Randy and I Randy Rose and I run into this 1981 we're at the Atlantic City Boardwalk and the guy had just bought the the first Aussie radio broadcast live you know we're playing live and it became bootleg it was called bat head soup and the guy gives it to us and says oh man can you sign this and you know it was a bootleg but we were proud that somebody cared to buy this thing of us playing in it you know that was that I'll never forget that moment you know and you know you kind of like know that okay I'm you

know we're on the on the right path here doing this you know one of the things that I wanted to mention about you were talking about records back in the day you know when you were a kid okay what when I was a kid in New Jersey this is like in you know mid 60s you know you're always looking for inspiration and there's so many there's so many spiegel catalog pages that you can look through you know the underwear section whatever when you were a kid you know and so I was always checking out what when my mom and dad we go to work and I would stay at home come home from school I would go through my dad's stash to just to see

what what he's got and I came across this these collection of records that he had they were called there was a central character Juana la loca and you know she what do you call that a woman that always have to have sex a slut pyromaniac but yeah yeah yeah yeah one of those right so doubt that was her condition whatever wherever she went on these records you know there was a series of records you know let's say she went to buy a bed at a furniture store where she winds up having sex one a lot look I remember something like this I remember Abel O'Hara yeah yeah that's a comedian yeah yeah

and he was impersonating I would listen to him yeah Spanish yeah my fuck yeah my mind would blow up but this is something that my dad would not play when we were around no that was his stash you know you know and so that that that was a really good source another source was actually he had a collection of Betty Betty page movies I'm talking about actually having to me when they're out of the house I know I got like a maybe half half hour window to do this set up the projector screen you know that is folding you know set up the projector put on the the reel and watch it and then put it back everything exactly the

way it was you know so it's you know the matter of fact and now what if there if I hear a projector sound going like that I got a boner yeah I got a woody I still remember ordering those movies I still remember you had an order magazine oh yeah and wait six to eight weeks yeah delivery oh yeah the kid that when I was just the stress factor kid Michael speciale he was the oldest one of our crew he had me by he's 57 if I'm 56 he's 57 and we were talking about that when he came in the green room we go remember we ordered the porno and we put the fucking screen up in my attic and we had to put like cover the windows

yeah you put a blanket on the wall and and there weren't like porno from today it was like just basement disgusting mind-altering what's that big thing everybody's got today TCSD with PTSD bro you automatically got PTSD from fucking listening to these things like from watching them it wasn't like you looked at women differently it was a complete different it wasn't like robust women with big tits they were just like skank from the street that had been beaten had lit them on fire and then they would pay them like small fifty dollars to have sex with them and as a 13 year old a 12 year old when you wait

six weeks to actually see pornography and it is just a fucking animal show that's exactly it was it was just a fucking animal show it really was it was the worst thing I had ever seen I still have memories of the chick laying there she's like nodding on heroin and also you see a guy walk into the screen with his dick and she's like on the drugs looking at his dick and you can hear directly going suck it suck it like you can hear director and we're like sitting what suck it we didn't even know about a blowjob we were so young we knew something happened like I had heard about blowjobs I tried to get the fucking

my babysitter to suck my dick when I was six for $20 but I had never seen like this and she just kept looking at the guy's dick weird and then she smelled it a little bit oh my god all of us like oh and then she put in her mouth and it was bad dick she kept making weird faces or something and then she wouldn't get up like she was like candy cat or something like that she got him by a car he tried didn't imagine her crawling on the ground I'm talking this is beyond me to this was beyond me to those direct this shit I got thrown under the jail he you know like when you see porn they can go to pick her up through a

swap spit with them yeah after they make eye he tried to pick her up she's like I'm not going anywhere like she had no legs something oh my god then they gave her two pieces of bread I will never forget this that one minute she was sitting there looking at the dick and it was just a cold at it like then I don't don't even worry about the flow like next you know she was sitting with a hand like this and the next thing she had two pieces of right bread at the hand and a jar of miracle whip with a knife in it and we're like what's she gonna do I'm like I don't know maybe she's taking a break maybe she's hungry she took the

miracle whip put it on the bread and then put it on his dick and put two pieces of bread on his dick and started eating the white bread off his dick and we were in shock like all of us stood there like when our jaws drop and there was a young kid I wrote a joke about this but this is not a joke this is a true story there was a young kid that started crying like he was like if I was 13 he was 11 or 10 and also they was like he started crying they were Sabatino that's how much you're fucked this up everybody want that money back people are pissed off at me because it was like 20 bucks and you got three super eight films the super

eight and the projector you had to build the projector you had to like what's that beep let's try outside that fucking car was there for a year finally fucking you had to like put the wing on to the projector screw it on yeah but it came in a little box very discreet yeah and you open it up and you were fucking porno was they have crimes in there that sounds terrible that's what they had crimes in there if you get those porno today you could sue the fucking you could sue the company for PTSD I wish I still had that porno I would take it to psychiatry to say how does this make you feel when you're fucking 13 it'll

ruin you I wanted you know I did your radio show and I went up and did the podcast the day I got car sick going up your hill 19 fucking left turns I was car sick I had to sit on the bench out in front of his house and you've always said that you know you were very happy when you did the podcast I gave you the inspiration were you inspired me to do something I'm really thankful I started going out I went to two concerts in three months I'm going on another one in November I'm going to another one in December I went to see Guns and Roses at the Palladium wow I saw yeah I saw your post yeah and I went to see Pat

Benatar at the Saban Theater yeah which is fucking great that little theater yeah she is yeah and it was just what you said I didn't spring the 900 for the stones I'm happy I didn't I didn't hear a lot of good reviews mm-hmm I have a lot of friends that are honest they're not regular white people that paid 900 them who pays 900 is gonna tell you the concert suck nobody they're gonna tell you was phenomenal go spend the 900 so you feel as shitty as I do yeah but my brother went he's been to see the stones 21 times and he said it wasn't no bueno at the metal and that I would have been so bad about I don't like seeing

people like that either but Guns and Roses is a fucking experience really yeah it was really an experience you know it reminded me of it reminded me of Ozzie at the Palladium in New York wow I had that same had that same dirty nitty you know feeling to it yeah you know Guns and Roses has that where the Palladium in New York naturally had that like when Guns and Roses walks in the room that feeling comes over you but the Palladium in New York had that grungy rock and roll dirty you might get syphilis if you touch the floor with your finger and finger somebody feel to it I had a lot of good times yeah Palladium that was

but thank you very much oh sure to be an entertainer you have to be entertained from time to time interesting yes entertain yes when you get bored and I didn't notice as a comedian till I was already in the game 10 years 11 years but that's why they say it's important like to watch a movie once a week for two hours to take your mind out of the game and get entertained you know I found me as a comic I learned a lot from watching singers a singer in a comic is the same thing we're just a conduit for the message do you know I'm saying I think you guys have tougher jobs than you say oh yeah I wouldn't fucking trade my job

for a singer not a million years there's too many things that could go wrong you guys don't have the drum solo you guys don't have like the the guitar player going off on a tandem extending his guitar solo and you going like this you you don't have for example like like if you if you if your voice is a little bit rough you give the crowd the mic to sing you give the crowd the mic to finish off your joke you can't do that you go you stand there basically the way the way musicians we look at it you're standing there your naked with your dick in your hand and that's all you got that's it nothing in between nothing nothing to

shield you nothing to protect you you know like the other guys in the band like you know I feel a little bit rough today so I'm gonna like take it you know now that I ever do that but I but I've seen singers you know it's it's tough being a singer it's I think it's extremely tough I have a if I have a call of my stomach doesn't feel good I just go there and play because I'm using my hands you know and I might move around and if I really you know once I get past the point of like I'm on stage now I forget about how shitty I feel offstage you know if I if I have a call or whatever I just go there and play then I'll

probably feel like shit again once I get off the stage but you you you you got nothing you just go to go there and do it and be a thousand percent because to that audience that showed up that's the moment they don't care how you got there they don't care how you feel you're gonna deliver and you're gonna deliver as good or better than the last time they saw you and if they never seen you before you got to live up to the hype and beyond that it's crazy it is I see singers and I'm like wow I learned different things from different singers from watching including Axel Axel I didn't learn a lot from but you know I

love watching when BB King sings yeah no he's there yeah yeah he's right there he's I know but so are you when when you're no no you know something that's a 50-50 chance that strengthens the longer you do stage the longer that you are in the game you put yourself there time to time now when I go up there it's like Anthony Robin says you touch your shoulder and it's a reaction yeah it'll give your mind a reaction on how to perform yeah you know with that deep hypnotism isn't it like you touch your wrist yeah it means go time for me as a comic I think that it took a long time but now I'm at like 70% where I could

really depend on my confidence I got a question for you we musicians we call it we play that's what we call making music performing we play what do you guys call it you're doing comedy see it's different see we play we we we don't take it well I mean we take it seriously because you know we I spent hours playing but but but I play I spent hours playing because I love to play that's another thing you you don't spend at home you don't sit on the sofa you know throwing lines out you know we're telling jokes or things like that no I sit on the sofa watching TV I got my little dog in between me and my wife I got a

little amplifier that's not louder than the TV speakers and I'm playing all night long and I got ideas coming through my head and I play them meanwhile I'm watching TV you know what I mean it's a constant with me I'm always playing if unless I'm on a plane then I can't play but then I take out you know my iPad and I look at I start reading music you know sheet music or other tutorials you know things like that I'm always in it oh no I'm always in it I know you are I'm always in it because as long as my eyes are open I'm writing yeah I know you are I'm taking in data I'm taking in data my eyes are

always taking in data as a comic I'm not I might not be playing but I'm taking in data yeah yeah and now because I'm more disciplined than ever and everything now I know to write that thought down write it down yeah I'm gonna remember it later write it down I'm getting more success with that write it down take the two minutes write it down yeah if it even means writing the joke out because it's not gonna come to you again you know I go to Nova Thor once a week yeah Nova Thor's red light therapy you lay there you know many times I go in there and baked out of my mind I think you're fucking a whole bit yeah

now I just take a notebook with me I take a little pad with me when I go to Nova Thor and I loosen the goggles I get the red light beams my eyeballs and I'll write the fucking thing and I won't be able to see for now after I leave there I don't give a fuck you know your eyeballs are when you're a comedian should always be working that's why you need to get out of the house that's why you need to do certain things because you're collecting data doesn't matter doesn't matter where you're going a friend of yours tells you this diner is good go there yeah sit so that the bar watch I'm always watching I was raised

to watch because my mother had the numbers operation so my eyes had to be better than everybody else I had to make sure that that car why is that car there why is that white car parked there that's where the red that's for Rudy parks every day I was raised to walk home a different route so some days I walk up to hunger some days I'll walk up cold facts some days I'll walk up Laurel Kangan just to see what's going on in that fucking neighborhood so when you're a comedian your eyes always collecting data that's where your comedy comes from comedy is how your world collides with the rest of the

world why are you not taking in data whether it's a concert whether it's a fucking museum maybe it's a walk down the block maybe it's a walk in Hollywood to see a bum and a funny story you take a walk in Hollywood you're always gonna come up with a funny story you park your car my on me but go to on me but and then take a walk around that neighborhood right in that neighborhood go to fucking the hamburger place and get a hamburger like a normal person instead of going for the black joint and getting chicken taking orders you go right up the corner there they got all the food on that block you want just walk on that block and

see what that block is about you'll get a fucking you'll get a fucking minute or two of material so we're always working yeah side musicians what I meant to say from the singers is like Robert Plant the song remains the same his whole body becomes a weapon in that that movie if you watch his whole body it's his whole body is giving you material that's very real I know that that's very real not too many fucking singers have that some singers could connect with the audience some singers could take you there and some motherfucking singers are there but like they're there but you're going to something really interesting and another

major difference from what we do as musicians than what you do take Robert Plant outside of Led Zeppelin it's not the same Led Zeppelin it's like for example when I play with certain bands when I play with Ozzy I felt like an animal on stage when I play with choir riot I was more it was more joyful it was funnier it's a whole different emotion that I get when I play with white snake you know I was fucking licking the bass all over the place because I felt it you know there was a sexual undertone to it you know then I play with Dio and it was more like that super heavy metal you know you know with Dio

he would hit certain notes Ronnie that I was standing next to him and I would just levitate on stage it was like holy shit it was like you know we did the song Gates of Babylon and he would hit the certain note and it was like whoa I was actually really off the ground you know so it's it's it's it's it's very different what I'm trying to say is that you're only as good as the band that you're in in your case yeah in your case is you have no choice but to be good no matter where you go because you're not in the band you're the ultimate solo artist and you got to maintain that level you're not going from Led Zeppelin

to Deep Purple to Lake Olsson you're going solo and you're doing other material and things like that your level of intensity is it's at top level no matter what you do because you're not you're you you're not the the the singer in one band that's going with another band that then it's a whole different trip another different vibe but a different energy different music it's about something else you know what I mean so with you it's tougher much tougher because you don't have that role to play even though we're live well we're really characters in a play and the play happens to be that band I was talking

with someone yesterday I'd be interested to see what you guys think because like when you put when you start start playing music I imagine that you're focused on playing it right at the beginning and what I am in comedy I'm focused on telling the jokes the way I want to tell them and I see a lot of comedians like Joey and other guys they are really great performers like and they can really there's another level when you have the basics down and you can actually get animated or like the bass like how long does it take for you like I'll tell you exactly and that and that's a really great topic because this

is another thing that that that it's different from you know musicians and what Joey does you know with the stand-up you know it's is the fact that when we traditionally when we were going tour we make a record are you making a record and just like you're getting opinions from not only your bandmates you're getting opinion from yourself you know you start thinking about okay what what am I gonna play in this song you know in the studio you got pre-production you go in the studio so working with a producer and they say well change it a little bit because it's not suitable with everything else

that's going on so it goes through filters and filters and it's not until you're our own stage after the records been released you've been two weeks on the road you look at the audience you look at the guys in the band that that song that new song really you understand the meaning of that song you go now I know what the song is about so now you're really playing the song up case in point how many how many live albums have you heard that you think wow the shit sounds boy better than it did in the studio you know it's because now the band gets it the band oh this is what the song is you know not in the studio

when you basically the studio is like a laboratory you're on the under the microscope every single note is being questioned by the producer by the artist relations guy that it's the executive producer of the record and and the singer and the guitar player and who with the drummer everybody everybody's looking at what you're playing you're looking what what everybody else is playing what analyzing everything when you're on stage for a couple weeks touring that song you're not analyzing you will become that song and along with the audience because you got the audience see to me the audience are always

been like like a like a dashboard in a car you're looking at the tachometer if you're going you know should you go to the next next shift to the next speed you know go from like second gear to third gear or bring it back a little bit in the middle of the set because you you don't want to blow up the engine you want to go full tilt all the way because that's gonna explode you know so you go like shifting gears through through the whole set you I'm sure you do that live you look at the audience you're getting the feedback and you know what to hit him with next next yeah yeah I could have a set list one out of ten

I'm gonna stick to that set I'm I still do all the jokes in that set list but while I get on stage everything comes to life it doesn't call for that set list something happened before me that has to make me adjust that set list so I have to call what the quarterbacks call an audible that that's beautiful and the joke comes to life absolutely I really enjoy sitting down and writing the core of a joke but after 20 years I've realized that the tag is gonna be written on stage whether I like them or not I'm funny and when I'm under pressure when I'm under pressure especially on the workout nights like tonight you know

last night at the store I go down there with no pressure it's not about me it's about me trying everything in that arsenal that I wrote from from Sunday to last night I must have made four or five little notes little adjustments so I get it now like I'm not sitting there anymore waiting to write a 20 minute bit on paper it's not gonna happen sorry and it's so weird because the first live album I ever bought was get your yas up and I listened to it and I gave it away the next day I thought it was garbage because I didn't like color stones every song sounded different I didn't like that I wanted it to sound

the same then I put on at least in the east I had already bought my first Judas Priest album and I had another album by Judas Priest staying class I think I don't know what I had at that time I'm lying to you guys I knew who Judas Priest was I didn't have any other albums I had heard one of the albums at my friend's house one night when I heard their live on least in the east I didn't like it at first again we're going away from the plan but then I was like wait a second this sounds better diamonds arrest by Joan Baez sounds a lot better live than it does in the fucking studio yeah you know victim of

changes yeah sounds a lot better and then I started getting into more live recordings I was buying more bootlegs and I was understanding what was happening till you said that it didn't really clarify at all I never knew that that knowledge that it becomes one when you're out there yeah like I when I went to see you at the Palladium with Ozzie you guys did a this is a song coming off the new yeah which is flying high again yeah you think you did flying high again on that set there was no diary of amendment no no no there was flying high yeah and believe it doesn't the two songs we did from diary yeah yeah yeah yeah

but it's so weird I never really thought about that way yeah me myself like I've had Joe Coy on here Joe Coy does not leave his house for a week he does all his writing on the road he makes people pay $25 $35 $45 to see him right it's brilliant I don't like it but then again why not the audience loves it yeah plenty of times I come home from the comedy store and I run in that room just to write three words down yeah three words not a sentence not a joke not a bit three words some words that have to change somewhere and there should be six but I only remember three so I'll take the three for right now remember the other three

when I go back to the store on Tuesday on Thursday night I'll give you another one about the difference so why it's a tougher for you than it is for us musicians rubber plant let's say you go and watch him solo somehow he's gonna do a version of whole lot of love because otherwise you feel like you've been ripped off right he did you're right I saw him December of 1980 when was the last time you did that people came to see you because they're expecting to hear a certain joke you know a certain line that you delivered 20 years ago 10 years ago you got to come up with new material all the time we don't we don't as my

fact people don't even want to hear new material that's why a lot of bands don't even make new records we don't they want to hear the hits so imagine if you get up on stage every night you say the same jokes the your biggest jokes and that's what people are lining up for you I mean we all have our greatest hits if you go to each one of your specials or your albums you're gonna have one memorable bit if it's really old I won't throw it up but you never know you know where you're gonna go there's bits that aren't on CDs that are old but I never put on a CD and I think they're just sitting there waiting to get morphed into another

joke exactly morphed more yeah now I have it a minute and a half this'll add yeah two and a half more minutes to that joke that bits been sitting the wings yeah and eight years yeah just wait to do something to smack a motherfucker yeah so no that whole process I love now and I guarantee why you guys are on stage I tell you who's a band that I liked because they're live performances and because everything sounded different you wouldn't expect it from me but I lived in Boulder and I listened to them a lot unvoluntarily you have to listen to the dead or a dead yeah yeah you live in

Boulder yeah everybody's playing the dead next door downstairs and everybody don't play the album they play the bootlegs from the Oakland shows from the Oklahoma shows yeah so you get to listen to like three nights at the Oklahoma Superdome I don't know if this is what it's called I'm just making up a name yeah so you get to see how they switch every night how they grow every night how they manipulate every night maybe tonight want to do this maybe tonight Jerry Garcia plays this note maybe tonight Jerry Garcia does a long solo depends how much heroin he did in the Vienna piece chocolate candy whatever the

fuck that's when I really admired that I know one thing I got I went to see comedy I always tell this because I'm misinformed sometimes I want to see comedy one time before I got on stage two times before I got on stage and those two times I was not thinking about doing comedy I just went to a company a friend of mine and they were both the same comedian because he was a big fan of his and this is way before I got into comedy the first time I saw him was like October let's just make up a date maybe October now let's say maybe January of 87 and then the next time I saw him was June of 88 and I'll never

forget that he didn't write a new joke at all he did the same routine he had done the 14 months prior to that and I'll never forget as a fucking cokehead lost cokehead not even a comedian I wasn't even comedy wasn't even on my radar and we're walking out going hmm that's interesting that he said the same materially to the year ago if that was me I would never do that this is way before comedy way before comedy I paid $200 to go see Led Zeppelin I better hear whole lot of love I want to hear I have a set list of songs I want to hear but I know I spoke to a Mexican friend of mine and he said he went to see

Santana and he goes I should have taken the $200 and ripped it in half because all he does is introduce new music and talks about his political you know was his aspirations or whatever and then people were yelling oh yeah come on va no no no I'm gonna do this acoustic get the fuck out of here we want to hear fucking soul black magic woman soul survivor that's what they came to hear yeah so he didn't do well you know like people just didn't the reviews were bad I could see that me as a when I went to see guns the weird thing about guns and roses was that Monday on Ed Trunk Nation a guy called a very intelligent guy

you know usually you ever hear Trunk Nation oh yeah I know Eddie yeah the people that call into Trunk Nation and not the right hey man how you doing let me ask you something what did it happen to the band the spiders there was a small venue like the spiders guy live it up go hang yourself you know I'm saying the guys just call like what happened and they try to be swarmy yeah like man listen man my favorite dude was Rudy Sarzo and I went to see him recently and I you know like they just try to be swarmy and Eddie fucks them up Eddie fucks them up good but a guy called and it was very intelligent he was I don't know these people for the pain all this money to see guns and roses do music that was put out in 1988 through whatever and my daughter and my wife

went into bully buster and I sat outside listening to the argument about and I'm like you know maybe maybe not you know I don't know how I feel about this argument but I thought about that too if I'm paying four hundred dollars for a chicken I want to hear something new especially if it's guns and roses it's got to be good that two days later I got the call if I want to go see guns and roses that Monday like that Wednesday they call and they go we got two tickets for you to go see guns and roses to play them Saturday if you want to go and I'm like fuck yeah I'm gonna go now I'm here let me tell you something when they play the beginning of it could be mine you could be mine the place almost blew up you know November rain the place almost that's what you want to hear

like as I was there I'm like they better play in November rain they better play this song here yeah but but I can tell you this as a fan and as a professional musician songs are just triggers your mind triggers like so somebody you know so let's say especially playing in Los Angeles they are an LA band so when they hear you know you should be you could be mine people remember most of the audience actually saw them playing at the whiskey or saw them back in 88 they were part of the whole sunset strip so you're just basically triggering this emotion of like fuck yeah man you know like 30 years before right and all of a sudden they are 19 again they're riding their hard leagues they got their their motorcycle jackets on and and and there's not

a care in the world so they're just losing their shit because they're being transported to that place in time I know that because it happens to me as a fan I've been a fan longer than I've been a professional musician so I got a whole catalog of music they just fucked me up every time I hear it you know and some of them I'm actually playing you know I mean I grew up I was a kid when I was listening to the guess who songs like these eyes used to be like this and that song was like the favorite song of this you know when you were a kid you have a girlfriend and you have like your favorite your song your favorite song and that was like a crazy girlfriend that I had that was her favorite song so here I am on stage with the band playing that song

and all I can do is just laugh I'm laughing I'm smiling yeah I'm happy because I'm playing that song but I'm also laughing at at the at the at the irony of the whole thing that I'm actually in the band playing the song that was not only our song it was also a breakup song you know what's a breakup song well you know it's a song that happened to be playing on the radio when when when the chick breaks up with you that was your last memory of the song I'm saying thank you thank you for breaking up with me because otherwise I would probably have been married you have like 20 grandchildren by now and be in Miami playing in it you know playing congas in in a santana band or or Miami Sound Machine tribute

let me ask you something man I did not know till Wendy was here the other day that you and Ronnie's last band war what was his name Ronnie yeah I was his his last bass player in deal I didn't I was in the band from 2004 until he passed away in 2010 yeah 2010 yeah and you were touring with him the whole thing why didn't I love Ronnie I love Ronnie yeah I just yeah because you never asked me about Ronnie that was crazy I knew you had done something with Ronnie oh god yeah I just she mentioned it to me and all the weekend I went and looked it up and I was like wow I didn't know that yeah yeah we did the record together the uh uh what is it 20 20 80 or 25th year anniversary of Holy Diver we did the whole the whole record and and there's a DVD of that if I find one at home

I think I have an extra copy I'll bring it to you 83 Holy Diver tremendous Holy Diver yeah so yeah yeah it was the 25th year anniversary of Holy Diver yeah who was the drummer on that album on the record was Vinny Apasey who had played with him in Black Sabbath right and then when Vinny left the band Simon Wright from AC DC uh took over yeah no shit Simon was the second drummer in AC DC he was like 16 17 years old when he joined the band yeah fucking tremendous yeah so really this thing Thursday tomorrow yes uh Thursday is the stand up and shout bowling event over at pins in uh in Sherman Oaks studio city studio city right behind Jerry's deli Jerry's deli you oh a bunch of people are going to be there from the full fire that yeah any trunk is ready to go off

a fucking thing yeah I mean I'm in Detroit it's already sold out and I had to cancel it once yeah so it's not like I could cancel it again trust me I would love to be able to go to this well there's other events that happen through the year right she's inviting me to 2020 February 20th yeah they have the motorcycle rally and all that well which I show up with a 10-speed yeah I hope it's all downhill you know what I'm saying because I ain't right no fucking motorcycle my age yeah yeah they're making some some major strides as far as cancer goes you know there's a lot of hope there uh Frankie Benelli you know are my my well I mean he's not only my my choir riot drum you know rhythm section partner but he's we I grew up playing with Frankie back in

Florida in 72 so 11 years before we were playing together in choir riot I mean I I was playing with him you know so he was the best man on my wedding so you know we're we're we're brothers you know and recently he came came uh made an announcement that he had stage four pancreatic cancer but I gotta tell you you know I I knew about it months before that and every day we were texting and hit what a fighter wider fighter constantly having chemotherapy and an older alternative medication and and uh he's playing he's back playing again you know and which is what he was born to do you know and it's amazing because this gives hope to a lot of people because usually stage four pancreatic cancer it's it you're done you're done no he's not done he's not done

he's he's a oxymoroc pack he's I can say that once once he goes through the whole thing completely he'll be stronger and better than ever yeah good for him yeah no I donated I told her yeah donate a little something to yeah donate a little something because she's doing a good cause it's running a scam absolutely absolutely so you know there's this this you know brings up a lot of hope to people you don't give up don't give up because you know the the longer you're staying the game the better medication is going to be discover you know better treatments and things like that so it could be that in that in very short period maybe in a couple of years of cancer will be eradicated they don't want that yeah but it's gonna we're working hard yeah and nobody wants it that's a

multi-billion dollar a year well you know but but look at the cure the cure is the cure is evident so yeah exactly exactly where are you playing soon I know you're doing the camp I'm doing record on fantasy camp next week we we got cheap trick coming in and we're we're recreating uh sergeant pepper live at the whiskey a gogo what date uh November 17 the day before my birthday November 18th is your birthday I'll be 69 that's the day I kidnapped Canvela the kid now I remember your birthday every Friday I'll be 69 and you're only 69 once that's it but you could do it forever that's the only age you're once but you could do it forever you know what I'm saying and you can start young you can start at four 69 or 69 when you were four

no you didn't do that in your daycare you went through a bum daycare you start sniffing little asshole with you for sure it's not even pedophilia it's just 69 it's not a bad time you know what I'm saying anyway this weekend Detroit is sold out Omaha the tickets are gone me and Dean Delray and I got a call yesterday Miami sold out so all I got left for you motherfuckers is December 6 the second show at the New York Town Hall 1030 show 35 dollar tickets no fucking drama one thing I noticed about this week is last night I was watching a giant game it was midnight it was still the stadium was packed fucking New York is a late town man LA they die like pussies here at 830 in New York you got to kill them at three three is like the the night they're in the

UFC one in the morning they were all still there that fight was one of the fucking morning here try to do an event center one in the morning over here at Staples Center those people fucking melt the building will melt if they go on the triple overtime or lake is or something like that but that's all I got for you motherfuckers Rudy what's going on with the podcast in the show I got the other show I say every Sunday on monsters of rock radio we got to get you in one of those cruises no monsters of rock no no come on it's a band and rock and roll and no and goofy fucking people I'll jump off all band and ship goofy people following you around asking you creepy questions in the daytime you know did you use the Stratocaster or did you use it it's only me alone we'll get

some buffet all right it'll be the fucking piece of cake your wife's over there dying from diabetes gala once and for all you gotta bottom me with this fucking cruise how many ships well I I haven't done the the monsters of rock cruise yet because you know the with the guest who we do the flower pop which is 60 years old I mean you know in 60s 60s cruise you know people that were around in the 60s and then the next one is the rock and romance which is the 70s cruise and I gotta tell you it's it's it's it's really a trip I really just imagine it really is I just don't want to be on the boat with nobody for that long how many days is it uh well I you know actually it's it's not too bad because what they do is they they split the cruise with two shifts of bands so if 30 bands

are playing in the whole cruise the first 15 were bored let's say in full auto tail and then get off in Jamaica then the next 15 bored in Jamaica the flight to Jamaica and then disembark in full auto tail so not all 30 bands are on board the ship at all times so you only have that you're there like maybe three or four days tops not bad it's not bad at all three more days I want to be anywhere especially walking around in circles with a ship like I said I'm a big fan had he trunk and why I'm a big fan of these trunkers because he tolerates a lot I'd hang up on half those people can you imagine you know one day they're gonna take them off the ship in a white suit on one of those jackets going I haven't seen Ronnie Montrose I haven't you know because they're just driving

crazy I can't imagine those people on a tour just when you're eating breakfast hey I don't want to bother you but man what was the name of the guitar player and uh and Richie Blackmore in second band I'm on a trunk what are they remember that stump oh yeah stump Trump yeah listen you stump me again I'll stab you with this knife yeah with egg batter and fucking maple syrup on it do you follow him on twitter because yes it's the same thing on twitter like all these people are asking him questions oh yeah he's he's my idol yeah he had his patience yeah he's great patient he's great I have a good good chance of staying out of prison because right now I can't take it no more one of these motherfuckers is eventually gonna get stabbed it's probably gonna be me no you got you all right

you'll be on the stab point I gotta throw you off the ship okay guys I gotta take you out to El Camino island what's the island out here in California yeah we're gonna have a good time I got sundays for you don't worry about nothing I got a big banana fucking float waiting for you Catalina and I'll throw you right over we're gonna I'll stab you with a needle so the shark will come real quick and chew you away oh yeah don't worry about nothing I got an insurance policy I'll be a good I'll cut your mom in for this small 20 just so you know nobody's how much are you getting I gotta get the 80% I'm the one that's doing all the heavy work here I'm doing all the lifting you know what I'm saying I don't think thank you for that I love you motherfucker as Rudy

Sarzol thank you very much listen to Rudy on monsters of rock radio support him follow him on Twitter he's gotta agree does a great job on Twitter the Christ kill I love you cocksucker and the rest of you savages I'll see you Thursday night in Detroit ready to blow that motherfucking place up listen I don't have nothing left for my youth I just got one thing left yesterday a post in my grammar school can you please if you have any report cards or t-shirts from grammar school I said listen go fuck yourself I never saved the thing from that school but I have one thing I have a shirt that a friend of mine gave me in 1987 that says Detroit the murder capital of the world there's some shit remember when it was the murder capital of the United States

oh yeah and I'm going to Detroit and then I'm going to Omaha Nebraska to get some pieces steak with Dean Delray so I'll see you motherfuckers done it not we'll see you next Tuesday tip top ready to stab a motherfucker I love you guys don't forget Miami improv sold out Omaha all you got left is December 6th at the Town Hall Theater in New York City second show 1030 there's tickets left for the first show but do not touch those tickets they went over 100 miles for those things let them burn in hell for trying to scout from you guys you're my family $35 flat I love you guys have a great week I want to thank Rudy again I want to thank the Christ killer but most importantly I want to thank you motherfucking savages for always having my back and having our back all right stay black

oh shit we almost forgot here I gotta let you know who sponsors this motherfucker for starters let me talk to you real quick the church is sponsored by Tushy you're like Joey what's Tushy it's an amazing unconventional gift for anybody in your life everybody has an asshole and everybody deserves a gift for Tushy wiping your fucking muffler with dried toilet paper does not remove all the shit if you got poop one here the other there's a couple weeks going through my shoulder and I couldn't wipe my hand with my left my right hand I had to switch to my left hand this is not good this is where hello Tushy comes in and I'll never forget them for helping me out and someday you guys will get old and you can't wipe your ass with your white pant what are you gonna do

Tushy's gonna be there why because it spays nice warm cool water directly into your asshole and it removes the poop and all the other germs that you got that can cause to hemorrhoids yeast infection itchy asshole skin marks and people not wanting to suck your dick you never have a girl ready to suck your dick but she gets a whiff from the fucking south it's your asshole it's on fire all right but dates but days are common all over the world but they say is your money on toilet paper and you won't kill that many trees you won't clog your toilet listen Tushy sprays your ass with fresh water it's not toilet water Tushy connects to the water supply behind your toilet to spray your fucking nut sack and your asshole tip top magoo clean with the same water you brush your

teeth with that's not inspiring but you know what I'm saying wet wipes are worse than toilet paper all right they cause anal fucking little fishes in your asshole you don't want that either in the later rounds when you know things get rough and you got a little pimple back there whatever listen Tushy starts at $79 I'm hooking you up here this is the gift you've been looking for you you're thinking about oh am I gonna buy something for this year this is the gift nice and easy it installs in 10 minutes and guess what that person's asshole won't stink anymore you've done something nice and Lee's had it for what three or four years it's still it's still working his asshole still stinks but hey at least he's got some water in that motherfucker from time to time listen I love

Tushy and I've had him for four years and I'm gonna keep using Tushy the aim is tremendous you dry off with their little fucking hand little voodoo towels they got look do me a favor we just go to HelloTushy.com look at all the colors look at all the matches look at the towels look at the stuff they got they're a great company they got a 60 day guarantee on it but listen me and Lee will tell you with both fat fucks that Tushy's still spraying water in our assholes go to HelloTushy.com right now press in church and get 10% off your order delivered right to your motherfucking house the church is also brought to you by audit listen right now alpha brain only company if you're not happy with the product they give you 100% money back guarantee

that's how much audit believes in alpha brain they're running a contest you order a 30 count 60 count 90 count of audit alpha brain and there's gonna be a raffle ticket if you fucking win in January they're gonna fly to the audit center 2000 cash three days of one-on-one training vitamins it's fucking too real it's too real to be true do me a favor go to audit.com right now look at the selection they got make sure you get alpha brain you're a little fucking confused lately on the way out of check I'll press in church CHUR CH get 10% off delivered right to your house and since you're taking care of yourself I might as well talk to you about athletic greens what's athletic greens it's an awesome supplement that gives you tremendous energy listen if you're not

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I want to thank athletic greens I want to thank Anet and most importantly I want to thank Tushy but I want to thank you guys again for being a tremendous fucking audience I'll see you guys next week lead take this motherfucking mule I guess that we'll meet we'll meet in the end I've been the king I've been the clown now rolling wings can hold me down I'm free again I just know when the broken crown it won't be me this time around loving pain I say goodbye to romance yeah goodbye to friends I'll tell you goodbye to all the mess

I guess that we'll meet we'll meet in the end I know that you just might save me but we don't know what to go with you but I have to change this chance goodbye to friends and to romance and to all of you I say goodbye to romance yeah goodbye to friends I'll tell you goodbye to all the mess I guess that we'll meet we'll meet in the end I know when the broken crown it won't be me this time around loving pain I just know when the broken crown it won't be me this time around loving pain

I say goodbye to romance yeah goodbye to friends I'll tell you goodbye to all the mess I guess that we'll meet we'll meet in the end I know when the broken crown it won't be me this time around loving pain I just know when the broken crown it won't be me this time around loving pain I just know when the broken crown it won't be me this time around loving pain